Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 26
Episode Date: May 28, 2019Chapter 26: Rimmed By Labs. It's about 7.45am on 28th May 2019 and the field is thick with dew and Richard has a sartorial surprise for you. Plus find out how he lost 1.5kg in a weekend, what the myst...erious multi-dogged man is like up close, why it's hard being the son of a god and further plans to change himself to stone. Plus dog sharks, why wearing red is a bad idea if you are part of the stone stasi and why the medieval stone clearers names and work have generally failed to survive. If you want to see Richard interview voice of the ftones, Michael Fheen, probably exclusively about this job and how he felt getting it and how it has changed his life, then come to Kings Place, London on 17th June for a very special RHLFTP - https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/richard-herring-podcast-17-jun/
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Stone Clearing with Richard Herring
Hello there and welcome to chapter 26 of Patone Clearing.
It's 7.39 on the 28th of May 2019 and Wolfie is very keen to get out of the field.
I think she may need a wee part right in the pavement here.
The rain being blown off the trees, there was hail and rain again last night.
Luckily, just before I took the old out onto the field to find the wind, one day we all got caught up in a storm.
I want to let you know, just in case you're interested, I'm going to bed this morning and put on some jogging pants and yesterday's t-shirt.
I'm going commando on today's Stone Clearing and we'll see if that makes any difference to my ability to clear stones.
I'm going to put on some jogging pants because I've lost quite a lot of fat and weight this week.
I'm now about 15 kilos, 33 pounds down on the year and I was wearing these jogging pants when I was 33 kilos at 30 pounds heavier.
What I'm saying is there's a pretty good chance they could fall down.
I've tightened the drawstring a little bit but they still feel a little loose.
The jeopardy is if my trousers fall down during Stone Clearing as I'm bending down, will that help or hinder the Stone Clearing while I get arrested?
We'll find out. The grass has been cut back on the field, which is a good thing.
My opening can is now visible. It seems a bit flatter and it was before perhaps the man cutting the grass kicked it a little bit.
The weeds are a little bit further back in some of the garden. I do this sort of garden. It's a garden of Eden in a way that I'm trying to get back to as natural states before the fall of man where the stones were all at the side.
This little bit here, very much overgrown still that I'm going through now, just putting my trunks up a little bit.
Yesterday I was here, I was throwing some stones into the long grass. I threw my trowel in accidentally with them.
I had to go in because I wasn't wearing any gloves as I'm having knocked to at the moment.
I had to reach through nettles in order to reach my trowel. It would have been nice to have had that on tape, but they can't record all of these.
Some of them must go unrecorded.
We're already doing a wee there. If you're interested in the dog's movement.
When she arrived, she ran ahead.
I don't know how many developments are going on. I've had quite bad food poisoning this week. Oh, that's so beauty.
I've just found very much a medium, medium, medium there in just in the park.
I've been walking over that for very many months without realizing it was there.
And finally that's off the field under the bush. Another pretty decent sized.
It's like a smile. You might put on a medium sized snowman.
That's come from just the edge of the field.
It is now pretty difficult to without actually tramping over crops to get out into the field and see what's going on here.
Come on wolves, stop eating grass.
Both me and Wolfie actually have been suffering from illness this week.
Of course a stone fairer has to still come out and clear stones, whatever.
When the dog needs to be walked, whatever, although to be fair, the day after I'd had food poisoning, I did not come out.
I had my wife. She does not, as far as I know, stone clear.
Of course if she did, she would not be able to tell me, I don't know, she may have a secret stone clear in the podcast of her own.
There's something in the marriage that must be kept secret.
That's probably the main one that could destroy a marriage if you want to find out.
We'll save it, we don't know.
Oh, a nice half a tennis ball, it's a shaped stone there.
And a big tiddler.
Into the nettles they go.
I mean it's just, there's no way of knowing where these stones are landing.
But we've both got food poisoning. It felt like it might have been the same thing.
It might have just been another huge one there.
Again, just in the path.
Insane.
But I am trying to lose weight, even as I was throwing up.
And then pooing on my throwing up, on my throw up, on my vomit.
It was feeling quite good about it because I was thinking, well, at least I should lose some weight.
And did indeed, I lost about a kilo and a half overnight.
And I seem to have kept that off.
There was some debate on Twitter as I discussed this weather.
That was just fluid, but I was pretty sure it wasn't fluid because of course,
there's a couple of days where you don't eat too much.
And I think as long as you're throwing up and I'm not on purpose,
it's sort of bulimia by proxy.
Bulimia without the consent.
I think that's all right.
Is it okay to be delighted as you're throwing up?
Because you're thinking that this will help me lose weight.
I don't know.
I don't know if I've crossed the line into some kind of illness there.
Now I'm wearing my running shoes today.
Because it's a very dewy ground and I'm crossing through crops and weeds
and my feet are getting quite wet.
Luckily, my genital area is still just above.
Even though my legs are only 28 and a half inches long,
my genital area is still clear of the crops and most of the weeds.
And thus my genitals remain as dry as they ever get,
which is always a little moisture there, just in case.
But the dew is not affecting my genitalia.
If you're worried about that,
I don't want you to concentrate on thinking about my loose old man genitals.
Again, I'm having to hook up every now and then again,
just in case I need an elderly lady from the village.
But the bottoms of my jogging pants are splattered with dampness once again.
So the days where I was wearing a suit out here seem to have dissipated and gone.
But there's not much stone clearing to do with how I am again,
concentrating mainly on the path area.
An important area to clear to avoid those stones going back onto the field as a later date.
I want a couple of nice small mediums, medium smalls,
maybe onto the can in the corner there, which is one of the better cans.
But yes, illness aside from both me and Wolfie,
it's a good week and yet lost down to the lowest weight yet this year.
Stone clearing I think is of course helping this weight loss.
And maybe a bit earlier than usual,
I don't know, I haven't been seeing quite so many people out on this field when I've been here.
Maybe they've given up trying to find out who the mysterious stone clearer is.
Maybe they're just disgusted by the various effluence that I've been spreading
around the edge of this field in my experiments to find out whether I can imbue a can
with my life force in a variety of ways.
I haven't yet taken a dump on any of the stones.
I haven't been sick on any of the stones,
which I could have come and experimented with that this way.
If I just thought I could have left my bedroom at two o'clock in the morning,
held onto the vomit and come and vomit it up on a can
and see in the morning whether that would make a human stone baby.
They're unlikely, but who knows how stone works.
Maybe the acid could corrode the stone a little in some way.
I don't know, I'm not a scientist.
Well, I look quite estate to have to stay here today.
If anyone were to see me traversing the field picking up stones,
damp, trousered, they might think I was crazy.
Today, unlike the days when I'm wearing suits,
I'm just going to do my shoelace up.
My shoes are very wet.
I mean, the poor old running shoes, they're quite old ones.
They shouldn't be your feet wet, should they?
They're going to be wet when you're running sometimes.
It's just bad.
It's bad shoemaking.
So, as I've said quite recently,
there's very much down season for stone clearing at the moment.
It's your real options,
especially when I'm walking to sort of get even wetter,
just to clear a few stones from the path and the periphery of the field.
But, you know, even after all this time,
we've been podcasting for at least half a year.
This is 26.
I don't get podcasted every single week.
That is half a year, even if I have.
I've just a podcast.
And, of course, stone clearing was going on before that.
And the lack of success and the lack of progress.
There's going to be some triplets growing out there amongst the weeds.
Not too much to say about that.
At the moment, they're just young ones.
You know, the lack of progress is sometimes a little disheartening, I have to say.
The fact that we can just still find there's a stone in a medium,
small, large, maybe there.
How can I have not found this one before?
I mean, I know the stones are growing.
The stones are pushed up through the earth.
As the stone gods do decree.
But say even so.
The knowledge all the time is that, you know,
we're not too far from the harvest now.
When the harvest comes to the plough, she shall come.
And all the stones underneath the surface of the earth
will be churned up and brought to the surface.
If I haven't cleared the one strong surface, they will go underneath again.
And there'll be a whole another load of stones just around the edge to clear.
And when will I ever get to the middle of the field
to clear out the stones I really want to get rid of?
Find my great white stone, the size of a baby.
I mean, at least.
Who knows what the biggest stone I'm at here is.
But I'm looking for defining it over the next 20 or 30 years.
But will I ever get out there?
I mean, obviously, once these crops are grown,
there's going to be a golden period where, once again,
I can traverse the field, see stones easily, get them off.
The ground will be damp.
They'll be easier to get out.
I need this psychological trowel to prise them out.
Take one of the triphids there with the stone.
Triphids seem to slightly growl back at me, move its front towards me.
And I wouldn't be surprised, actually, if nature,
realizing what I'm doing, has started to send sentient, dangerous plants
to try and stop me.
That would make sense.
To begin with, there's a strange man walking around the field taking stones.
That's no harm to us, but gradually, I think, they realize
and the perspicacity of the growth of plants.
It does confirm that.
But I am a threat and I am a threat to the plants
because if I can get all the stones off the field,
there will be nowhere for the plants to grow.
The unkempt, un-domesticated plants.
They'll just be stone here.
We have them find a way.
And they will be wiped out.
So it's not surprising to me that they've started sending these triphids,
but the triphids grow slowly, my friends.
And I shall keep an eye on them.
And if necessary, I shall just stone them to death
before they reach a point where their stings are fatal.
All the time here, picking up some nice...
This is maybe the biggest stone of the day.
It's actually not quite very wide, but it says nice, flat...
Well, not really deep, I should say.
Nice, flat, large stone.
All of these, again, I have to emphasize, just coming from the pathway.
Another big one.
Not big, but certainly...
They're the largest, medium one.
And...
I'll tell you, I've just got to go from that place with the leaves a little bit there.
She's OK.
You all right, Don? You going to do a poo today?
Yeah, I know you've been a bit ill.
So, try and do it out in the field, because I don't want to pick up diarrhea.
I'm not weird.
Oh, and the dog walker in red.
Crossing the field diagonally, just annoyingly.
Going to really screw up my cross...
My diagonal cross, cross the field.
I can't really collect any stones now.
I think I might just go away with one or two here that are coming up to my favourite corner.
And I'm going to have to, in a second, I think, hide away.
Just going there quickly.
I'm going to put one from here, just so we've got just one out.
Everyone counts, and that's the thing.
Everything counts in large amounts, but also in small amounts.
It's hard to see if this red, closed person has a dog with them,
or they just walk across the field.
I always feel that people are just walking there.
There's something wrong with them.
There's a lady.
Going to put water back on the leaves, just in case there's a dog there.
There's still some distance away.
It's a very annoying disruption of the stone clearing today.
I think I will pass this corner long before she gets there,
but she will be able to see me for quite some time.
Oh, there is a dog.
That's how high the grass and the crops are now.
They cover a smallish dog.
Wolfie still.
If she'd banded out there, it would still be visible.
But sort of like a shark dog, I guess.
Just the tail slash fin would be visible.
And we're going to avoid first contact with the alien life form,
but we're going to take a trip along the top of the field.
And do the full circumference,
rather than cross across the wall,
and then passing some lovely stones here, I have to say.
Come on, Wolfs.
Hi.
Come on, darling. Good girl.
Come here.
I just managed to clear a stone there that I think is one of those
I've thrown from further out into the field that landed on the path.
So that's always a nice feeling.
Occasionally you'll throw one from the centre of the land
just in amongst the crops, and you think,
I wonder at what point I will see that one again, if ever.
But as long as you're getting the stones clear to the edge,
luckily my pants didn't fall down like that lady was passing,
but they are going downwards.
I hope you enjoy the jetty.
If my shriveled old man genitals become visible,
I am doing all I can to stop that happening,
and anyone who says I want to show dog walkers my genitals is lying,
only with their consent, and also I wouldn't because I'm married.
But I am concerned that I'm the only dog walker not getting any
here amongst the dog, all the other dog walkers are dogging in every sense.
And how I'm being left out does feel that way.
If I was offered the opportunity to say no, thank you for the offer,
but I am taken, but it would just be nice to be asked, that's the thing.
It'd be nice to feel that you were attractive enough to get involved in all of that.
I don't know how these things work, what the codes are,
maybe I'll learn that as we go, and this can become both a good girl,
or if you don't know we there in the middle of the path.
I haven't seen any poo yet, that doesn't mean she necessarily hasn't done one,
but if she's done it, it's not been on the pathway,
which is what we really need to be concerned about.
Right.
So I'm back unseen, so I just need to clear a few little stones as we go,
but the danger here, we're walking alongside another field,
and someone could just pop out and announce.
We've walked one kilometer, taking us 19 minutes 40 seconds,
which is a lot longer than it takes me to walk when I'm not stone clearing,
which would imply I've done some good stone clearing today,
or I'm just not very fit yet.
This time when I was sick, it was both ends,
but you may remember on that birthday occasion,
she had followed me for a long time where I had to bomb it on my own diarrhea,
this time I was diarrheaing on my own vomit,
which feels like a lot more civilized way of going about things.
Oh, so this is the guy with lots of the blabberdosh,
and this is going to be interesting how he's taking,
he's cutting across the field to avoid us,
maybe he's stone clearing himself,
or maybe he's trying to catch a stone for us,
and not realize he was about to walk straight into one,
and everybody's the next field, Wolfie is on her lead.
He's looking to push up to the field,
so I won't have to be quite for a second.
Wolfie!
Good girl.
That's the doggy.
Morning.
So, interesting to see that guy close up for the first time,
he's quite a gruff.
Middle-aged man, the older than me I would say,
but it's hard to judge these days,
and I tend to see myself as younger than I am.
He's got a dog whistle,
and yeah, there was five or six, maybe seven dogs,
there may be golden labradors,
but one dark lab.
He looked at me, I said good morning,
he said morning back,
but in a gruff way that suggested he knew I was his enemy.
He didn't have enough evidence to set those dogs on me,
he looked at me, I could feel him undressing me with his eyes,
not having, because he saw me as a potential doggie and partner,
perhaps possibly that's okay if he does,
I'm looking against that,
but because he was seeing other stones concealed,
amongst all that clothing there,
I mean there are a couple of stones in here mate,
and they're loose,
but they're not the stones that you're looking for.
But with no evidence he couldn't charge me,
he couldn't attack me,
I haven't gone away with it at that time,
but I'm aware he may be watching me from behind,
either out of sexual or stone interest,
it's hard to tell at the moment,
but to be honest,
if I was going to have sex with anyone from around,
which this field which I won't,
because of my love for my wife,
it wouldn't be him,
just because some of those dogs running around,
you'd be concerned where they're going,
what they're getting up to,
one of them might lick your bum,
and that would be bad,
just before you start thinking I'm thinking about that,
and thinking that's good,
I don't want six Labradors nicking my bum,
while I'm deep inside a strange,
moustachio man with a whistle,
anyone who says I want that,
and that's why I started doing this podcast,
he's a liar, a bad liar,
and a nasty liar,
and Wolfie trying to get out onto the wreck,
but I'm not going to let her,
haven't come down here for a little while,
so this is when we get a little further,
this is going to be a really great place
to come and play with stones,
there's a fence along here,
of course you may remember,
and there are proliferation of stones,
no one has ever,
I feel like perhaps in the past,
some stone clerks have been to this field,
and cleared some of the stones in the deep past,
but I don't think they ever made it over this,
because not just here,
just right by the edge of Matt,
that's the biggest stone of the day,
well it's just like the other one,
but a bit thicker,
still in the middle,
and just throw that against the fence,
that'll bounce down,
and start to create a stone barrier
between the cricket pitch,
and this field,
oh and this is a lovely one,
this is a beauty,
that's the biggest of the day,
that is medium, large, large,
if not a large, small, small,
and you know,
a few people have been e-mailing in,
Simon,
wire fence,
fun wire fence,
and of course reading his name,
it's been tough to say,
if you're trying to achieve immortality
via your stone clearing,
but yet stone clearing has been going on
for such a long time,
and you admit that all the stone clears
of the past are forgotten,
what makes you think that you would do any better
when they were dedicated their whole lives to it,
and we still don't know who they are,
and see very little evidence of their work,
what makes you think that you won't be
just as forgotten as they,
and that all thy work is for naught,
strange,
strange turn of phrase there at the end
from Simon, wire fence,
makes me think you might be somehow e-mailing
from the past, be one of those very stone clearers,
frustrated at his own failure,
but how would he, A, get an e-mail,
and B, be able to send that e-mail to the future?
So probably isn't that.
No, I hear you, Simon, from wire fence.
I'm not really doing this solely to be remembered,
that would be an amazing extra,
I suppose, if it happened.
I'm doing it to clear the stones,
and you have to remember,
a lot of those stone clears have very short life expectancy,
so even if 10 or 15 have got together
and started cleaning stones,
they might work for six months and then just die cold,
so they wouldn't have got lots off,
but there were a lot of them,
so you will sometimes see an old e-mail,
or even a wall and think maybe,
maybe that's the work of a dedicated medieval stone clearer,
but I have access to it,
and I've got a trial which helps,
I have access to health care,
and the home and food,
so as long as I can avoid being licked to death,
by my anus from six Labrador,
which I am really trying to avoid,
then they just keep on rimming me,
rimming me until the pleasure and disgust,
because it's wrong, I suppose,
for another species to rim you,
and I don't want that.
I should have a longer lifespan,
and I should hopefully be able to get more done.
Also, I'm no offense to the stone clearers in the park,
I'm clever of them, I'm less superstitious,
I mean there's an element of superstition still within this.
I don't believe as wholly in the stone gods as they did,
I don't, the human sacrifices,
which I think probably they did,
just to try and get more stones.
If it would help the stone,
if I could prove it scientifically,
I would sacrifice the odd human.
This red-coated lady I think coming back,
I'm just going to try and get this one stone
out of the park and throw that,
and that wasn't the stone pole,
that was just another pole,
but that's a slightly neglected
can there on this corner of the field.
So yeah, I mean, I know what you're saying,
because I know you're trying to bring me down,
and I know you're jealous of me,
but there are no rules to stone clear,
that's the first rule of stone clearing,
if you check your stone clearing rules,
the second rule of stone clearing is,
they shall not feak and glorious happiness
for theyself by stone clearing.
Anyway, here we are coming up to this lady,
I think it's the same lady from before,
she's walking a little bit, isn't she?
She doesn't see me walking that fast right now,
so maybe I'll just do this slowly.
There's no more of you now,
so let's bring another scope.
All right, we'll be good girl.
Good girl, darling.
Good girl.
Come on.
Hi there, you all right?
Oops, it's all right, she's not playing.
Good girl, come on, come on.
She went for that little steroid spaniel there,
but in a playful manner, as I said to the lady,
the lady was mildly surprised,
luckily didn't get too involved in conversation.
I've not seen her before.
I don't know if she's done a stone clearing
or an ankle stone clearing
or doesn't know about stone clearing.
There's someone else in the middle of the field,
just stopping, looking at their phone,
near the telegraph pole.
They are no threat to me right now.
I think the lady in red,
if she were part of the stone stars,
she's chosen a very
easily identifiable colour to wear.
It makes me think she is either very good at her job
or isn't part of it.
Of course, there's no camouflage with red,
you'll be seen from everywhere.
Just picked up three tiddlers
to throw at the stone pole.
I hope you're ready to cheer when I hit.
If I hit, so it's not a assume.
It's not, by any means, an easy game.
No one's really looking,
so number one, watch out, Wolves.
Oh, just missed his to hit the pole next bit.
I'll hit the pole next bit again.
Just missed.
What are we going to do, Wolves?
One more go.
And that was it. I think you heard it.
We did it. There's a lovely cheer there.
Thank you for cheering.
We'll let you off the lead again, Wolves. Good girl.
It was very exciting and more difficult
by holding a lead with Wolfie on unnecessarily.
Oh, she's leaping up excited.
She thinks this is a game.
And it is a game. It's a little bit of fun
in the middle of a stone clear.
Just forget about all of the past or the future,
what you're attempting to do,
just see if you can throw a stone against some wood.
And, you know, there is room
for that within what we're doing here.
Doesn't all have to be work, work, work.
And creating a legacy for yourself.
Yeah, I think I will.
I just maybe other stone clearers have come
and failed to become immortal.
That just makes my own quest
harder and more satisfying as I do.
But it's not about the immortality.
It's about the stones.
It's not about me. I'm just at the moment
mere biological material, as you know I am.
Planning to make myself a stone beam.
I had an email
from Sandra Sun.
And she said,
Richard Silicone is essentially a stone, I think.
I'm not an expert.
But I work in Silicon Valley
and we think it's a stone.
And we work in Silicon Valley with computers and stuff,
which you use Silicon, I think, I'm sure.
And maybe your brain could be transferred
onto some Silicon somehow if the technology comes out.
We are working on that in Silicon Valley.
And so that might not be a problem
if you're worried about your brain
not surviving the transition to stone.
Maybe it will.
I'm going to download you into
my main can now.
Sorry Sandra, I'll read the rest of your email.
I'm just looking to see if it's vandalised.
But I think it's just been cut back a little bit here.
It looks a lot smaller than it used to be.
The morphothetic is covered in broken twigs.
Let's get a photo of it so you can see.
You can judge whether this is a high or a low.
That's going to be the picture for the podcast.
It's sort of a pathetic sight to see this monumental stone
covered up.
Still got a little bit.
Also, I'm just going to cross the field.
I've got to get going.
Yeah, it's sad to see.
But of course those parts are really dead.
The stone will soon disappear.
The stone should stay.
But I don't know if it's just natural degradation
that the stone is wearing away or just falling away.
Whether someone is kicking my can down.
I'm not happy either way.
Good idea Sandra, our son in the Silicon Valley.
That would be good.
If you can work on that, I'll happily pay 50,
60 pounds for that service.
So you can put that in the plus column of your work.
Let your bosses know.
There's someone interested in that.
I mean, I think everyone working on this ability to turn people
into stone versions of themselves is going to have to pull
their fingers out for me.
Because I'm a young man.
And I fear that either I will be one of the prototype stone men
who doesn't really survive and dies in pain going,
ah, why?
Why?
God, why?
Or just, you know, the technology won't be available yet
from just to help me.
So I think the next generation of human beings may be the first
immortal generation of human beings.
So I think that's a good idea.
That would help me.
So I think the next generation of human beings may be the
first immortal generation of just humans who may survive
long enough in their biological form to hopefully become
robots and hopefully stone robots and metal robots,
metal carots.
Stone robots would survive longer.
They'd be a bit heavier.
I guess.
Again, it's all nicely peeled back here.
We're at the Brexit Ditch, although they haven't actually
cleared the internal part of the Brexit Ditch,
just the periphery.
So my stones have fallen just onto plants,
but they're there there.
They stopped Brexit so far.
Interesting to see the recent developments,
whether that will continue.
And they may just be making a worse Brexit than we would
have done if I hadn't stopped Brexit.
The Theresa Mays Brexit with my stones.
But it's interesting.
Theresa May came up against me, not literally,
metaphorically speaking.
Thought she was better than me and my stones.
And yet me and my stones, God be willing,
if we can last another week or two,
we'll outlive her tenure.
I would say to the next Prime Minister,
whoever you may be, Boris Johnson,
just be wary, my friend.
Be wary of what they do,
for I have the photons to for top your plants.
That's a direct warning to Boris Johnson,
Boris Johnson.
If I don't get the Brexit that I want,
which is no Brexit,
then I will be picking up more stones
and putting them on the edge of a field.
That's why me and Farage slightly differ.
He's more of a gun seller.
That's the threaten with guns and revolution.
I like to threaten with a big wall in a field in Hertfordshire
that will outlast me and any other Prime Ministers
that may come along during my lifetime.
So I have a feeling Boris Johnson might be
the Prime Minister forever.
And in fact, democracy will end.
All these things don't matter.
That's the thing.
When you think about it in the long term,
when you think about stones,
don't be afraid of the way the world's going
and the rise of the right wing.
They too will fail.
They are not made of stone.
What they are saying isn't even written in stone.
Even if it was, the writing would fade eventually.
Ed Miliband tried to write things in stone,
didn't work out for him.
Don't try and use the stones for your political purpose.
Just don't use you.
For there's Ed Miliband.
I hope you're listening.
I'm sorry that you fucked everything up
because it would have been a lot better if you hadn't.
There'll be a big shame about that bacon sandwich in it.
Anyway, we're back home now.
That's past the cars parked on the pavement.
It's very rude.
Just to really have a squeeze through here to get past.
You might have heard Wolfie banging at my lead
back against the car.
That's what a shame.
That's what you get after on the pavement, mate.
Didn't even do it on purpose.
So we're home.
I hope you enjoyed that.
Do keep your emails coming in.
I just can't possibly get round to reading them all.
Unfortunately, just good cheer volume.
Ian Batery.
This week we've got a Batery,
a little tiny one just right next to me here.
So it's really interesting.
I read just that little patio area.
He's emailed in to say,
thank you for stopping Brexit, Richard.
That's all right.
Just doing my job.
Do you think you could use your powers
to stop all war and child hunger,
famine, and more important,
stopping Brexit?
Wolfie, come in.
Bit rude, Ian.
Come on, mate.
Can't go, oh, well, you've done one thing.
Why don't you do another thing?
Dude, I've done one thing.
You can do, you've checked some stones around
and it's got hunger, mate, if you want,
but I can't.
It's a real misunderstanding in my time.
That's like, in a Jesus,
why don't you cure all the lepers, mate,
while we're just post nine, you're done.
Because it doesn't work like that, mate.
Well, why not?
You're the son of God.
Yeah, but, you know, I've got other stuff on my mind.
Well, surely you could just go click,
and it's all gone.
No, I can't.
I don't understand how being Jesus works.
It's harder than you think.
I'm not saying I'm Jesus.
I'm just saying that's another example
of someone who's the son of God.
Oh, there you go.
There you go.
He wasn't able to do everything.
He tried his best.
He'd got a lot of good stuff.
So, yeah, maybe one's Brexit,
something like that.
I will think about curing AIDS or something,
but, you know, let's just get Brexit sorted out
and that will take a little while,
because it's quite complicated.
Anyway, Wolfie's having a really unlucky in-bay treat.
I'm not sure where you're going to put it.
There's more emails out there.
I don't know why I read that one.
There's some water for my dog.
She's a good girl.
How are you feeling, darling?
Are you feeling better?
I'm better, I think, as well.
All right, well, we hope you enjoyed the podcast.
It's been interesting this week.
I mean, not that interesting.
The pun will be classic.
Thank you to everyone for listening,
and we will start putting some of the sponsors in
in a couple of days.
There's only a couple.
If you want to sponsor the podcast,
get in touch.
Just email me, herring1967.gmail.com.
We can discuss terms.
It's not about the money, though.
It's about the stone theory,
and possibly becoming immortal
and becoming a stone person
and through my stone wall.
All right.
Thanks for listening.
Bye.
For Toneclone, we're Richard Herring.
For Tard, me, Richard Herring with Wolfie the Dog,
plus the lady in the red and some people in the distance.
Oh, and the man with all the Labradors licking my bum.
They weren't me, and they never will.
Thank you to Mike Cosgrave for Coughgrave
for writing this music.
The Voice of the Stones is Michael Faheen,
who will be a guest on Rehalath the Purr
on the 17th of June at King's Place,
where we'll be talking extensively about
how he got the job, The Voice of the Stones,
and what it meant to him, and all that sort of stuff,
and nothing else.
Listen in. Bye.