Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episde 795 - Sophia Johnson

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

Comedian Sophia Johnson joins us to talk soap opera acting, crow rescue, and spoiled oat milk.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 795 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who he's lucky enough to have a hockey calendar and today is the first day of a new month and he's oh so excited, Mr. Dave Shumka. Okay, for the listeners, yes, it is coming out after we recorded it. I'm sorry, Graham doxxed the date. Yeah, I have the Vancouver Connects calendar,

and every year, they don't usually have a theme like this, but this year the theme is the pets of the dogs. Pets of the dogs, can you imagine? Sorry, the pets of the dogs. I was like, what? Pets of the dogs. Can you imagine? Sorry. I was like, what? Pets of the players. We have Elias Pettersson's dog. Tequila Pettersson is the centerfold this month.

Who is May? Who have you been staring at all May? All May was Maya Podkolzin, the dog of, well, of, what? Vasily Podkolzin. Vasily Podkolzin. guy got his first name um and his dog's name is maya i said maya oh maya yes my yeah okay uh anyway good good calendar this year but uh let's uh let's kick it up a notch next year uh vancouver conducts calendar yeah exactly do sci-fi calendar or something where yeah i get the team all like uh or you know beefcake beefcake firefighting calendar yeah um our guest today first time guest here on the podcast very funny comedian and uh so glad to have her here it's

sophia johnson everybody hello hello how are you hello everybody thank you for joining us here on Glad to have her here. It's Sophia Johnson, everybody. Hello. Hello. How are you? Hello, everybody. Thank you for joining us here on the pod. Yeah, I'm very excited. I'm nervous. I'm like, oh, I get to stop podcasting. Yeah, this is your big break.

So, you know, really. This is it. Yeah. This is sort of, boy, I didn't see us this way before, but it does sort of feel like the minor leagues before people get on bigger podcasts but we're like AAA right this is a pretty big podcast though yeah it's pretty big you know we're pretty big

we've launched a lot of careers we've launched a lot of careers people who will never come back Terry Fader we launched Terry Fader yeah most of the America's Got Talent people we launched Susan Boyle we launched harry fader yeah most of the america's got talent people we launched uh susan boyle nice we launched susan boyle we launched a lot of the eurovision bands before they got to eurovision yeah we're monoskein so you're in good company i'm hoping to go to eurovision

what oh yeah what what do you think what type of music are we talking about Eurovision-wise? I don't know. World music, I guess. Yeah, that's the stuff. Rain sticks and whatnot. Do a little bit of... Yeah. Something fun.

Should we get to know us? Sure. Get to know us. Now, do either of you have any familiarity with Eurovision? Yes, because I think last year or the year before, it was like a crazy heavy metal band where everybody had like spooky masks and they sang kind of heavy metal, but also kind of poppy stuff. Like a Slipknot?

Like a Slipknot, but like a friendlier Slipknot. Oh, sure. Yeah. And it's a thing where, because i've never watched it so i don't really know the structure of it it's like every country in europe sends a song yeah and they perform it and then like you call in and vote for who wins i think so yeah i mean it's i don't know the only thing i know is like new zealand was petitioning to get in but as a joke kind of but australia isn't well that's the thing so new zealand did a video like so my friends who are comedians and singers in new zealand did it being like let us into eurovision like yeah why not it'll be good we'll be fun

we'll be but new ze Zealand gets left out of everything. This is the nation of your birth? Yes, yes. I'm from New Zealand. I should have said at the start. Do you...

What did New Zealand get left out of? I should have said at the beginning. Yeah, everybody should identify the country of their birth, where they went

to high school, these type of things. Yep, Waiheke High School, New Zealand. New new zealand high you can cut that in i'll do a clap hi i'm sophia johnson i'm from why hecky high new zealand where is that what is that is that on which island is that on why hecky is a small island off of auckland which is one of our more known cities you guys might know it yeah yeah yeah it's it's like a 30 minute ferry ride from auckland uh but it used to be an hour ferry ride back when my parents bought there they just got a faster ferry is this what i'm saying it's got a

faster ferry so now the property values instead of being like oh ten dollars for this land it's like a million for this land. Ah, shit. I wish I bought when it was 10. Yeah, I should have bought when I'd never heard of it. But there's this amazing story that I heard when I was back there last year where I think it was like the 60s maybe. There was a raffle and the first prize was a meat raffle it was like something first prize was a meat raffle and second prize was a parcel of land like a section of land and the person that won the section of land swapped it for the meat raffle so like well what am i gonna do with this piece of land i would way rather have a big thing of meat. Yeah, that's true. It's more concrete, right?

Yeah, but now they're like, God damn, I should have kept the land. That meat is worth almost nothing now. I know. The land's worth a mil and the meat's worth nothing. Yeah. Raffle a man of meat, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to raffle him a land.

No, it breaks down. Give a man some land and some sheep, and he'll eat for generations. It's a big sheep country down there. Yeah. It's a huge sheep country. I mean, not to play into the cliches, but boy. I think there's something like 10,000 times the amount of sheep. It's because there's only, I think it's like four or five million population but the sheep a ton of sheep are

are they a threat are there is it ever like is there danger of the sheep overtaking the people there was like a movie they made called like bad sheep or something and it was like a horror movie where the sheep gain power and they start killing but they don't feel threatening i heard it in the schools they have active sheep drills there's like kids need to lock down the schools like in case the sheep start turning i don't know what fake news i don't know where you're reading your fake news but uh the new zealand times yeah pretty pretty reputable source the new zealand times yeah yeah yeah it's a countrywide newspaper and you must have left it must have they started after you left how long

have you been out of new zealand it's well i moved here at the start of 2018 so it's been what is that 1920 21 22 23, 22, 23, five years. And why here? Honestly, I've been asking myself the same question. I think my life, like I haven't put a lot of like planning. Sure. Yeah. I know that feeling.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's like I was thinking I'm like an experiment of like follow your bliss and love and money will come after i'm that experiment in real time and i think it was like i'm in tvc tvd i guess tvd um no i i didn't put a lot of thought into it i um i had a friend who lived here and was a comedian and an actor. And he's like, oh, you know, I'm getting a ton of auditions. There's a ton of shows.

And I was like, and I looked up some pictures and I saw a picture of like a mountain and a lake. And I was like, I'm going to go to Canada and see if I like it. And then I was like, I love it. Nice. Yeah. So, yeah, I probably should have put more thought into the whole thing but i was just following my heart where would you have gone if you thought it out a little bit where do you think you would have ended up i don't know i think i think london would have been cool um i think one

of the issues is like because i'd had actor and comedian friends that have been to london and that have been to la and some that have been to vanc And the ones that came back from Vancouver were like smiling and giggling and had like a rosy glow on. They were like, man, I miss Vancouver. It was the best time of my life. I was auditioning for tons of shows. I was happy. I was swimming in the lake.

And people that came back from London were like, oh, I am broken. Yeah, they were like these ghosts of themselves past, and they were, like, the bitter darkness and cold. They were, like, really broken. And I was like, dude, what happened in London? And they were like, oh, London, like, just came back very, just came back, like, with these dark sort of haunted eyes. And I was like, oh, shit.

Yeah, what happened over there what the hell i don't know like i always thought london would be a good time and i was like i got tired i had a friend who did like a whole comedy festival show about like how he had a bad time in london and his girlfriend left him for another woman in london and then there was another guy who come back from london the same year And he basically had the same job. He was like, oh, I had such a bad time in London. My girlfriend left me for another woman in London. What is happening with girlfriends? And I was like, this is two for two.

Like, I don't know. So, and then I had some friends that went to LA and just, yeah, came back pretty rinsed. And I thought for where I'm at, like, yeah, everyone that had gone to Canada was like, I got tons of stage time. I was really happy. Well, we got those you know you got a lakes of plenty probably more more than you can handle really yes I was like I'll check it out I went first I did stay in New York for a little bit no lakes and I loved no lakes I love New York and I was like where are the lakes I came up to Vancouver and I think my first year here,

it was like just bliss. Like I think I'd never seen a summer where I started like waxing liver cool. I don't know, just cut me off if you have to cut me off. But I'd never seen the sun in summer go till like nine, 10 o'clock at night. And like the sheer amount

of just like flowers and trees. i mean new zealand's obviously quite green but it's all evergreens it doesn't really have you know like autumn as well or fall i've never seen just the whole city turn like pink and orange and like i would just be like walking along just gasping you know like i've never just like on this like i think i went to i remember i went to kitzolano for a show when i was first here and i saw the cherry blossoms oh yeah and i was just like knocked out like i was just like i've never seen anything like especially in a city you know where you expect it to be kind of grungy or whatever so i think like that stuff was all just like incredible you know even now like even though it's my fifth

summer walking around and seeing all the rhododendrons and camellias i was like you've outdone yourself once again you know once again topping your best so yeah i just found it really beautiful and then the comedy scene was just really cool i mean of course like i had the bad luck of like the comedy clubs us losing both of the major comedy clubs couple years after being here so that was definitely a bit of a hit because that was so exciting you've got the same curse that I have is when I show up to a show they go

last week was amazing there were only 10 people here today last week was outstanding best show ever yeah exactly so yeah it was just and then I was just like oh this is this is the best i see why everyone came back bright-eyed and and bushy-tailed nice and were you had you were you doing stand-up in new zealand yeah i did stand up in new zealand for a couple of years before i moved

over um and it's it's cool there's a there's a cool scene there it's there's only one club in all of new zealand graham i don't think we've ever had a guest from the southern hemisphere i think you're right i think you're right um i mean wait where are the jamaican bobsled team from no they're still northern hemisphere we had them on uh we we had the inventor of capoeira that was yeah we did have whoa yeah that was a get oh that's huge no that's huge my friend had a joke about that that he did was really funny where he was like i did capoeira in high school and at no point was like a bully attacking me and i was like hang on i would do like a dance and then be like yeah you would need somebody like on percussion. I did a lot of like fake martial arts in high school or mostly like late elementary school.

There was a lot of like, you know, I guess I think I probably know karate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This will help you in a fight. Yeah. Is the inventor from Australia or New Zealand? No, we made that up. Yeah. He would have been from Brazil.

Oh, well, that's the He would have been from Brazil. Oh. That was the dumbest thing I've ever said. When I thought about that as soon as you said that, I was like, oh yeah, because it's Brazilian. There was just a lot of Capoeira around when I was young, so I was like, maybe there's a link. Yeah. I didn't experience Capoeira until I moved out to Vancouver. There was no Calgary's not

big capoeira country wrestling was the big thing if you wanted to be a wrestler Calgary was the spot for you but yeah maybe there's a capoeira scene now I don't know I refuse to look it up it's getting so corporate the capoeira scene

my husband's from Calgary and we'll compare because obviously he's from calgary and we'll compare because obviously he's from calgary what high school did he go to what high school yeah oh god i don't actually know he's from northeast though northeast okay yeah didn't i didn't uh yeah so something rough yeah but we talk because i'm from like a hippie island where everyone was like chilling you know and like we'll see someone in the park playing like the xylophone or something. And Chris would be like, oh, he'd get beat up in Calgary for sure. Yeah.

And I'd be like, he would be the coolest guy at my school. The guy playing the xylophone? Yeah. It's just such a different world. Like the person with the tambourine and the anklet would be like the popular guy. Yeah, sure. No, not in Calgary. Where's that, Calgary school? person with the tambourine and the anklet would be like the popular guy yeah sure it's cool no no not in calgary school if you show up with any kind of uh you know sing-songy percussion instrument yeah you're a big you gotta hide either put your anklet over the cowboy boot or hide it underneath

were boots worn to your high school graham uh There was a couple cowboy-esque fellas that had the full Garth Brooks. Because I love the idea of like a high school, you know, how there's like jocks and nerds and goths, but also like a cowboy clique. They're doing rope tricks during lunch. Yeah, was there cowboys at your... Yeah, there was. Our school had had a lot like a lot of feeder schools going to it so there was people from all over it was too it was overpopulated our school so there were people from all sorts of different areas of town including your uh people who were on the periphery maybe lived on farms it's hard to say but uh yeah yeah they were cool i find it really like

amazing about canada that it has cowboys yeah yeah like i didn't that was something i i didn't know when i was googling the lakes and the mountains said it wasn't like also cowboys and i was reading a book recently it was like finding the mother tree is talking about trees. But she talks about her brother being a real cowboy. And I'm like, man, like Canada's got some, some swag.

Yeah. Cowboy. I mean, you really are embodying this hippie thing. I was reading about finding the mother tree. And it was cowboys in there too. Were or are you yourself a hippie i don't like i don't identify as a hippie but what i've realized is nobody does

yeah like you don't meet a group of hippies that are like where like my like if i said to my mom oh you're a hippie she'd be so upset she'd be like no we're bohemian artists yeah bohemian that's the way she would be yeah she'd be very upset by that because she'd be like, we don't run around naked and get stoned. And I'd be like, well, you do live in a hut in the forest and dad does smoke quite a bit of weed. I don't know if you know. And you guys are naked 90% of the day. I was like, a lot of it

fits. But they would, yeah, they would resent. Well, they wouldn't resent, but they would be like, what? No. Are you an only child or brother? No, I'm actually the youngest of four. Okay. Yeah, me too. Yeah.

Oh, you as well. Yeah. That's very cool. You don't meet a lot of youngest of fours. Yeah. They die off quite a bit, actually. Yeah. By that time, the womb is sort of like, ah.

Yeah. My God. I was listening to a podcast about Queen Charlotte, and they're like, because she had, I think she had like 15 kids or something. Like, by the end, though, the kids were really unhealthy. Sure. You know? There's only so much food to go around.

Yeah, when you're a queen but no but actually i'm only the second child of my mom so my dad had uh three marriages my dad was a bad dude oh okay my dad had three marriages which is wild to me now like as you start to get closer to your parents age um like i'm like by next year my dad had moved on to his third like in my life just like i'm like which is like bananas to me to be like oh my dad had already been married twice and had a kid with each of his wives like wow yeah by my age like that's some people just love getting married you know some people just love raw dogging um exactly i mean why not get married if that's what's holding you back uh did you uh how many marriages is for you this is this

is my first i'm only i'm only in marriage number one but this is my third time being engaged okay oh okay i guess i just love love, I guess your dad had that, you have that in common with your dad. What, was it always you who called it off or was it a mix or was it always the other people? It was, sadly, it was always me. My dad's flighty. Well, it's sort of, it's hard to know what to count

because my high school boyfriend technically, you know, was like proposed. So I really, I should really only count two. But my first time engaged, I was 21 or 22, like real time. I remember being quite shocked. I remember being like, wow, it's this point in my life already. Right. Yeah.

Already engagement time. Yeah. Yeah. I remember being like, this is this is such a big moment and it was just yeah it was very intense but yeah i was i was pretty young i guess so yeah that is young that's young to get married but maybe in may on a hippie island in new zealand maybe it's not old yeah maybe it's old maybe you should have made your high school boyfriend i i i should have i should i should he was a great guy well that's the thing is i have like so much i don't know

this is like slightly a slightly sentimental overshare for a comedy podcast but i feel like everyone i've ever loved i still love like they're just it's like my heart's full of all these people you know that feeling of just like oh man that guy was fucking awesome you know yeah like you look looking back on your past exes and being like i still just have so much love for that person like so much love like i feel like when i die like all the people i've ever been in love with will flash before my eyes with almost equal weight of just like like i've been really lucky that the people i've been with have just been like amazing you know like you're the best person like but let's not get married yeah yeah yeah but i thought i'm young i want to travel i want to yeah it's always been something like oh i think i want to move or do something or like i think i've always it's more been like travel lust or

just kind of adventure just It's more been, it's never been like, I just hate you. You know, it's never, it's always just been like, man, I love you so much,

but like, gotta go. We are young. Yeah. I've got a rail pass and I'm gonna, I'm gonna use it. If you're still here when I get back. Great.

Otherwise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to England, but I'm going to come back haunted. Come back the ghost in my eyes. I might Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to England, but I'm going to come back haunted. Come back with ghosts in my eyes. I might leave you for a woman.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. There's all sorts of things. Very common. Yeah, I'm going to leave you. I'm going to find, I'm going to become gay in London. Everyone's doing it. Yeah, that's true.

It's the best place to become gay. Yeah, it's a choice. Yeah. Now you in New Zealand, because you're an actor as well as a comedian yeah you i don't know how like how much you have to talk about this but you were on a soap opera in new zealand i was which is amazing no it's fine it's like when i talk about it's like a bit of joy and a bit of pain and a bit of shame it's sort of all rolled into one that's what your exes should be like everyone you've when you look back on the people you loved you should be like ashamed of some and joyful about

others and in pain about a bit of shame a bit um no i i know for sure because i had to do a scene i think it was on n Drew where I was dying. And I tried to feel like I was dying. And I did see all my love splash before my eyes. I was like, oh, I love you. I miss you. I'm going to miss you. Anyway, soap opera.

So I know how it's going to be when I actually die. I'm going to be like, sorry. You're going to die and Nancy Drew is going to be there? That's the real it's gonna be like ah i'll solve this crime wait did nancy drew like did she solve murders i thought like she like solved uh like lunch money yeah yeah yeah or the mystery of the club the new series is is great little plug it's really good i think they're yeah there's definitely murders and they've jazzed it okay yeah like that's what was missing every time they do a remake of a kid's thing they make it a bit grittier i never read the nancy drews i never read much as a child

or as an adult did you ever read hardy boys no no no hardy boys no hardy boys um yeah i think i read maybe one or two Hardy Boys, and then I was like, this is not for me. And there's hundreds of them, I think. So it's good to get out early. So this soap opera you were on. Yes. What was it called?

So it's called Shortland Street. Is it still on? Yes, it's still going. It's a doctor show. Doctors are very popular in the media. A lot of TV shows about doctors yeah yeah i was 19 i think when i auditioned and it was my first like proper acting role i've been kind of doing a bit of stuff since since i was about 12 i i was with a sort of modeling agency and did commercials and stuff but that was my first like what do you do commercials for acting acting oh god i did like pasta commercials i did like the

warehouse which was bunnings which is oh wait whoa sorry what do you guys have here the warehouse is kind of you don't really have a warehouse here it's kind of like a canadian tire or a HomeSense style place. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And I did, I was like the face for like this like tween clothing. Whoa. Which was called HPK. But it's weird because I, it's funny when I was young, I wasn't very into like mementos.

Like I didn't even keep, like, I think I maybe have one, like, you know how you used to get like junk mail fold outs that have i think i kept like one fold out um but i didn't keep like many of the posters or anything but yeah it was like it was just like yeah clothing for 12 year olds 11 12 years it would be great if you kept all those posters in your bedroom was just posters of you as a teenager modeling. It's funny because it's like, I don't even know if you can really call someone like that an actual model because I'm five foot three. So I'm not, I've never at any point been a real model. Right. Like I've only ever been like a kid.

Kid model. You know? Yeah. Like I've never been like. Like, did you do any runway stuff as a kid kid they don't they don't get kids to do i'm trying to think i think i did something once at school there was this girl at my school and she was so beautiful and tall and it was her dream to be a model from when she was like 13 and she achieved that dream in high school like she's like I'm not focusing on school I'm just focusing on modeling and all the teachers were like yeah of course that makes total sense like she was just like

she was like yeah and then she like made it like big big time like she had like a US agent and she did all this like incredible like she did all this print she like traveled around the world like she totally i was like man she had a dream and she manifested that but she was proper she was like proper tall model not like like she was like an actual model but she was like passionate about bringing modeling to the school and she was a few years older than me so she was like girls like we're gonna practice runway like so we did like we did like a just like a i don't know what kind of school fashion show probably like a recycled clothing or whatever and she like taught us all how to runway she's like this is how you do it like she like coached us like you strut and then you turn like this and then you do this expression

and i was like wow okay yeah i grow up i to be. And then I never grew up more than that. I never grew up. I remember the modeling agency, like, I went in with my mom, and my mom's 5'2", and I remember them kind of looking at my mom and being like, huh. And I think they were realizing, like, how many more years they could make money out of me, like, at that moment. They were like, huh.

Maybe we could have her be a children's model forever yeah yeah yeah but no so that was kind of my start but i ended up doing lots of commercials which is a bit more like actresses so commercials you could do forever do you you're so you're five foot three do you have a giant head i don't think so okay but we don't know because i feel like soap opera actors it's like short people with big heads well that's okay this let's well i'm getting to the soap opera i'm getting there this is the thing about soap operas is everyone on there was my height it was the first time in my life that i've just been surrounded by small people like it was like

i don't know what that is but it was like like because i remember watching it beforehand and it was kind of the hot lead or whatever i was like dude this guy's like an inch taller than me if that yeah like it was just such a small world it is a small world after all yes did they did yeah it is a small world now i know i did i i hate for this to be like a racial caricature, but we're like, we're all the short people. Do they have big hairy feet? Yes. You got us.

My mom has hairy feet, I think. I don't think she'll mind me saying. No, my mom like. How many breakfasts does she have? Yeah, five.

My mom fully identifies as a hobbit hobbit i think i think like she loves gut but she'd be like samwise gamgee she loves gardening she's like short and round and she's like um always has like bare feet that are a bit dirty from gardening and she always always she's always giggling she's very sweet and she loves lots of she loves food and butter and marmalade and toast and yeah when when you she took you to the auditions were they like hmm we've got an ad coming up for dirt we're gonna need well it's that's all where i just was going on my own i think i was like it was back in the day i was like off you go into the catch the ferry go to the city here's your ticket you know and i was like i hope i make it you know i hope i yeah i was given a lot of

freedom as a child i guess that's like that slightly hippie thing of like you do you so off you go like yeah wow um but anyway i'm getting i'm getting i'm building up to the soap opera for giving you guys back oh i wanted i want every step along the way. Don't cut anything out. Every step of the way. I did, I auditioned for, I moved to the city, I think, when I was about 17, but without really like a good plan. Like, I think I had like 500 bucks saved and I was like, this will be enough. I think. This will be a couple of fun nights out and maybe some fancy dinners.

I won a meat raffle. I should be fine. Yeah, if I can just win a meat raffle. And that was like, man, this is not enough money to last like two weeks. But there was this one job that you could just walk in at any age and do. Because at 17 as well, like even trying to find a flat,

they were like, how old are you? And I was like, I think old enough to live on my own. And they'd be like, okay. My parents say, I don't know. Yeah, my own. And they'd be like, okay. My parents say, I don't know. Yeah. My parents think it's fine. I've been independent for 10 years,

but no, more or less, but no, I, there's this one job that you can just walk in and do. And it was for, it was called Westpac rescue helicopter. And it's basically like you call people and try and get funding.

Oh, so, and I think they'll give you like 10 12 an hour plus whatever and i was like okay perfect but they don't ask any questions they're not like how old are you what's your background you know they're just like you can work today like you just turn up and they're like you can so i did that for a bit um and that was like i was like man this actually sucks just calling people repetitively and having them be like no um yeah but then after that i got a job my friend worked in a law firm which was dealing with like treaty law so it's like treaty of waitangi new zealand um which was like the yeah we're very familiar with all the new zealand treaties so you don't have to explain okay so what it is the treaty between the indigenous people and and the and the english that came over so that so it was a maury law firm and they were doing a lot of treaty work and also some criminal and they they hired me to like hole punch but that was a

really fun job because then i would kind of read the cases and kind of get into it my boss was super nice there was a job of just you hole punching yeah well this is like there's a lot of disclosure because like one of the criminal cases was like 81 counts of like meth manufacturer or something so there was like so my job was to watch all of the um footage as well so the police so there was another case we worked on which they did a documentary about 81 counts why not just let them go on the first 80 and then just really nail them for that one at the end yeah you manufactured this there was yeah so there was this one case and i think they didn't doco about it because it was about a raid they did on a there was this one

uh place in new zealand that didn't sign the treaty of waitangi And there was like a big police raid kind of weird domestic war thing. So there was a whole thing on that. And that I had to watch like 15 hours of just like the bush to see if there was anything in there. And you were, but this does not explain that you're the hole punching. It was just like so many documents that they were like, we need these hole punched and put in folders

and i was like i'm your girl because i'm making ten dollars an hour calling for donations the boss of the company was this weird inventor who invented a binder with four things in it four connectors so i needed and we used we had a three-hole punch but then i had to add a fourth hole to all of them it was backbreaking work it was hard it was it was a full-on it was a full-on career um anyway so yeah after that i i auditioned i got on the soap and i was so excited it was what was your character's name and i was my character's name was lauren fitzpatrick okay and what was she what was her so i was um an emo nice because this would have been 2009 2010 so they dyed my hair kind of black and they gave me the

fringe okay and then i had like the winged the black winged eyeliner that is cool every time and then i would and i was like an environmental activist And it was also a weird storyline where I was anti-vaccine, which is if I came out of nowhere. And I was like, this was like back then where it was like, and I was like, my brother has autism. And it was like this crazy storyline where I was always like picketing the hospital. Very cool. But my main function was to be a love interest for one of the lead guys

um okay who was an orderly but he was like the son of one of the doctors um so it's like i would be there and i worked at the hospital cafe that was my like official okay job and then we met there and i was a vegetarian so i was like how can you eat meat? How could you do that? I want a raffle. I want a meat draw. Was, is this, is it, because there's soap operas that are like nighttime soap operas that are on once a week. And then there's daytime that are every day. This was on every night. Every night.

Wow. Okay. Yeah. So they would 22 minutes. And I, so it was like the fastest turnaround. They would shoot 22 scenes in a day i think well no sorry not 22 scenes so they would shoot 22 minutes a day so that was like i don't know how many scenes that roughly worked out at but you would be there you would usually be learning like two or three

scenes a night wow do we don't have anything like that here do we no we had train 48 for a while which was like a daily but it only had one set the subway and it was like it ran for a year and it was just like all these people commuting to work back and forth and it was a daily show yeah but it didn't last long it sounds amazing it does sound pretty good when you sit when you put it like that but you can but like you can see it you can see someone pitching it exactly as like we'll save so much money we only need to light one set we only need we'll shoot like well that was the thing that you realize it's like everyone's always living in each other's houses for no storyline reason and you realize it's like oh because there's only like in the set at the studio, there's

only like five sets. So it's like, oh, I got to move in with you because blah, blah, blah. And it's just all these like weird storylines based around filming. Right. And sometimes I'll be watching a show now and everyone will be moving in together. And I'll be like, hmm, I know what this is. Did your character move in with anybody? No, my character did but i was always

like i was always with but my boyfriend was living with his parents so but it was it was funny i was thinking the other day because i was actually thinking of putting it in a joke but the guy who played like my boyfriend's stepdad was like really ripped like hot soap dude right and there was this one scene we're filming and we enter and he's got his shirt off because we've kind of walked in on like his mom and him making out he's like what i didn't know you guys were seeing each other like this is when they first get together and i'd never seen you know growing up i guess what you'd call a hippie or bohemian island i'd never seen a ripped dude with his shirt off before. And I gasped.

I was like, oh, like I would. But it was like the hottest thing I'd ever seen. Like I'd never seen like my face must have just I think I was just like mesmerized. Wow. Because he had like I'd never seen like, like you know the abs that are like right across the stomach with the v and the and i think it's like those because back then everyone on set all the guys were just like chicken and broccoli and that's all they ate and they were like and i was like i just gasped and then the director was like okay cut we gotta go again

where lauren is not attracted to her stepdad i was like we're not attracted to and then one of the i think one of the art department people at micropotters was like she should say like oh can i have him i don't know it's something great but it was like the art department starts writing scripts as well yeah yeah like can i have him but it was just like i just think it was just this visceral thing of like i never but that guy was like kind of a jerk but it was just my first time seeing him was like but then after that i'd never but that guy was like kind of a jerk but it was just my first time seeing him was like but then after that i think he enjoyed that i had such a like

weird reaction because then he'd also be like i'll come into my dressing room and help me run lines and then he'd always have like his shirt off and he'd be like because our dressing rooms were like across the hole from each other it sounds like a healthy work environment this was like back in the old the good old the bad old days the pre-me too like psycho i find that funny they were like i grew up on a hippie island i never saw a ripped dude i think of like here the hippies are all like shirtless dudes of slacklining at the park that are super muscular yeah well it depends it depends on whether or not there's surf culture or whatever this was more like i'd never seen anything like there was nothing there was no one like that on why

heck i don't even think there was like a gym on why hecky until around that time like well they got the the fast ferry you gotta get people are commuting to the gym now fast ferry to get to but it's just a shocking moment where it was just like like i've never was it a popular show is it like oh my god yeah it is the most watched show really i couldn't even go to the supermarket without being like a cost i was like crazy famous as like like it was like i would go i would go to the market and people would stop me like are you lauren and then one time like some people went through my grocery like i was like at the checkout it's been behind me like they like went through my grocery. Like, I was, like, at the checkout. It's behind me.

Like, they, like, went through my groceries. And they're like, oh, my God, you are a vegetarian. So I was buying, like, tofu or something. And they were like, oh, and people would starve. And it was like, no, it's bananas. Like, I have friends now who are still on that show. And they're just like, I mean, it's just a bizarrely popular. The show is so inexpensively made that I don't know if it's changed now, but we had to bring our own lunch.

Okay. Oh, wow. Which is like unheard of in film and television. But that company, South Pacific Pictures, I remember the actors would get upset because they would be like, our show is paying for the other shows. Because our show would make, it was such a big dog, but they would just make it as cheaply because they were like, we're making it so cheap and it's still crazy that's because

there's nothing here that's like like there are canadian shows and we watch we don't really watch many of them and we mostly just watch american shows but canadian shows keep getting made but there's not like other than like schitt's creek none has been a cultural phenomenon oh i think the letter kenny i think letter yeah corner gas was big too yeah yeah new zealand's interesting you can like become a star in new zealand just from like one small role on a show like it's like very like and also there's a lot of comedy tv there's like panel shows so a lot of my friends comedians in new zealand that i kind of started out with i'm like man they're hugely famous now like in new zealand as comics because it's like there's only a small thing and

new zealand just watch their own stuff so it's like you just become it's just like this insular little is every show that's set in new zealand if you look out the window are there sheep is it like true to form was there a sheep character on your show and was he as famous i mean it was a hospital drama so so yes i'm sure there was yes i'm sure at some point i'm sure at some point there were sheep that you could see i'm sure um that's so funny it's uh like oh bringing your own food to uh to a tv well it's insane it's insane like because in my brain as a as a teenager I was like man I've I've made it like I've I've worked so hard at all these Shakespeare classes which have not come in handy you know I was like I've I've booked a real acting because it's that thing when you're when

you're a young actress and it's your dream and you book a real paying acting job that people are going to see, there's no feeling like that, you know, where you're like, Oh, I'm, I'm legitimate.

Yeah. You know, my uncle's not going to be like, are you sure you should be doing acting? Shut up, man. That guy sucks. It was just like this.

Yeah. This like amazing feeling, but then it was also like, but I didn't know, cause it was my like this yeah this like amazing feeling but then it was also like but i didn't know because it was my first job i didn't know that um you had to bring your own i didn't know that it was not normal to get catering you know that's all the people on the guardians of the galaxy set they brought all their own lunch yeah yeah yeah but i heard stories because the the voice coach i had on on that job that they had an in-house. It's weird. They didn't have an in-house acting coach,

but they had an in-house voice coach. And she was incredible, Linda Cartwright, but she coached on Lord of the Rings. And she would just describe the food on Lord of the Rings for like an hour. She'd be like, they'd come around with these just trays of like the nicest sandwiches I've ever tried and like these like little kind of paste pies and then these like organic. of paste pies and then these like organic and she would just describe she's like it's a she's like I I gained like 20 like we use

kilos so I gained like 10 kilos like which is I don't know what that is like 30 pounds or 40 pounds but she's like I would just eat and I was like man Lord of the Rings sounds amazing but also my math was so off because I didn't realize that commercials were comparatively well paid. So as a kid, I'd done commercial and I'd be like, Oh, I got like three grand for doing like one day of this commercial, whatever.

And I was like, but short and street, it's such a big famous show that I'll probably get like 20 grand a week. Or like, like my math was like, I didn't understand. And then I was like, what?

Yeah. Like, I think I like ended that show in like a little bit of debt. Cause I crashed my car too many times. because that was the other thing is like i didn't know how to drive when i booked the show and i mean it's not like it's not like they're gonna because on a hippie island no it's not cool to get your license it's like what about the environment man like i love that beach like could you even get your driver's license on the island or they were like no no no no i think you might have had to go to the city for a test but my mom was like man back when i got my license

that's how my mom talks like an innocent hobbit she's like back when i got my license in the 80s she's like the guy was just like drive around the block and then they'd be like okay you're pretty good and then they'd give you your license i was like that's pretty easy but i so i was like i didn't have my license but i was too scared to tell them i didn't i didn't understand a lot about the world but i was like oh they'll probably fire me if they don't think i can drive because how you'll just drive i'll just drive don't worry about it so i was like i'll just buy a car and like how hard and my sister she kind of like my sister's cool and she's Don't worry about it. So I was like, I'll just buy a car. And like how hard, and my sister, she kind of like, my sister's cool. And she's like,

well, think about it. So like how many, like, you know, like dropout teenage boys get their driver's license. How hard can it be? Yeah,

that is true. And I was like, you're right. It can't be that hard. So I like bought a car and I was like, I'll just give this a go. And this is you. You do not have a license at this point.

You're buying a car with a license. No. So I bought it like in my parents name and then i tried to like mr and mrs man i was like man this is so hard but i also bought a manual because like my parents had told me oh what do you call you call a manual here you call it stick no we call manual yeah manual oh okay so you not only didn't have a license you bought the most difficult thing to drive yeah because i was like because my mom has like was like oh if you learn an automatic you'll never be able to drive stick and i was like okay well i better i don't want to learn wrong you know so i bought a manual and i was like man this is this is quite hard yeah um to drive to studio and i

remember just driving on the the motorway or the i think you guys call it a freeway driving on the freeway or the motorway it's like and just just utter terror just like utter graham terror terror is a word we call it fear fear on the freeway yeah yeah fear on the freeway and i remember my hands were just shaking and like tears were just like rolling and i i pulled into like the studio car park and i just pulled up like i think i pulled up right into like an executive right up front of the studio they i don't know if they got lunches bought for them like they were high level i was like and then i like ran up to my green room and i the guy was playing my boyfriend, Ido. I was like,

I need you to park my car for me. I need you to park. He was like, okay, okay, I got this. I was like, don't tell anyone that I can't drive. And the guy with the shirtless guy came in and like,

you need me to maneuver anything around? He was like, do you need me to, and he'd be like tweaking his pecs, you know, but it was like we would actually joke about that guy because in shot he would sometimes like lift up his shirt a little like just casually with like there's no need to do that like there's not a shirtless scene he's always trying to get it anyway that would be very funny if like he came in as a doctor

and had like a stethoscope and a shirt. Yeah, just like ripped open. But, you know, the guy played my boyfriend. He was cool. He was like really good at driving. And I was like, wow, he's good at driving. And he would reverse into the car park so I could get out easier. And I was like, how is he doing that?

Yeah. The car goes both ways. Wow. Yeah. I was like, I can't even just park. And then my friend's boyfriend was like one of the only guys i knew with a license outside of that and he was like i'll teach you how to drive but that guy was like a meth addict who like went to jail for stealing cars well i mean learn from the best yeah he was amazing he was like he was like welcome to

andy school of aggressive driving yeah let's get on the motorway right away he was like he was like welcome to andy's school of aggressive driving yeah let's get on the motorway right away he was like what you've got to know is everyone's trying to fuck you and you have to fuck them first and i was like whoa whoa whoa it's not a bad way to push it you gotta push into the lane like and i was like so that was like that was my introduction to driving and your boyfriend on the show was named ito you were emo was there a headline in the newspaper you know dating emo no that didn't happen the new zealand media didn't pick up on that okay well i mean when i'm in charge things will be different there was there was like one tv guide cover of us but it was like i it was because i had a storyline where i got pregnant and it was like

baby shark like okay yeah which is a big soap opera thing like like a teen pregnancy yeah oh yeah sure yeah well okay no spoilers i have i have them with you my friend well a big week this week um i think it happens this time of year every year uh there's like uh it's the week when the crows the local crows start dive bombing people walking past yes yes have you ever been attacked by crows sophia um no but okay i don't know if this is gonna make me sound more hippie but i have befriended the crows by feeding them because they i heard i don't know if this is science but i heard they have a network and they talk to each other and they remember humans and they tell each other about i don't know if the networking happens but i have heard of people befriending or like you know giving gifts to crows and the crows will come back and like

uh you know bring you a trinket yeah what's the what was it canuck was the name of the crow that yeah there was canuck the crow. Did he steal a... Did he leave... He had a knife or something. Yeah, there was a crow here. It was evidence in his stabbing. Did he steal it or did he... He picked it up and a lot of people took photos of him

because it looked very funny to have a crow with a knife in its mouth. This was a big story. When was this? Four or five years ago, yeah. And this crow then went missing and everybody was like, he's dead. They're like, when will Canuck come back?

He got in a knife fight. He took a knife to a gunfight. Yeah. So this time of year, it's like there's like a week or two where we just look out the front window and watch people walking down the street, not knowing that a crow is about to like swoop right past their ear. And it's so fun watching them go.

Where do you where do you live? Like, do you live somewhere? Do you live? I live. I guess the word is none of your fucking business i live uh we're at ground level we're looking at the front window okay okay on a on a residential street and i think there's certain trees they like too because i had a friend she moved to an area and it was bananas oh yeah this is this is tree tree tree city baby and we uh so most of

the time we're just watching it happen rarely do i get involved with the crows i uh i don't like them i don't want to befriend them right you don't want to befriend them no i think they're uh big mistake they're scary and mean and i maybe i'm afraid to make the first move uh maybe i want them to you know try to befriend me yeah i want to be chased a little bit yeah exactly and it's uh you you know just see what kind of trinkets they get you right at the beginning yeah so i was gonna say bring it yeah um so this past weekend i walked out the front door and was going down the steps and didn't realize that on the stairs there was a baby crow uh-oh and i walked right past it and then

two crows started dive bombing me and i ran back into the house that you were gonna rescue the baby no i didn't even know it was there there's it wasn't it didn't need to be rescued it was just sitting there it just was like uh didn't feel like flying right now i guess yeah and so uh then what did you do did you have to go out the back door out the back door yeah yeah fair enough and i just seated the front of that house to the yeah the house belonged to the the front belonged to the crows for the day and then and then I later in the day I was

in the basement and I was playing piano practicing what are you practicing again none of your business man every time I try and get involved, I just get shot down. Uh, I just like, uh, go, I don't know how to play piano. So I've, uh, we have an electric piano and I'm just like, if I hear a song, I will look up the chords and try to play it.

You know, it would be a cool song to learn. Uh-huh. Succession theme song. Oh, too hard for me. Too hard. Okay. Yeah. But yeah, I agree. and never more timely yeah that's

true yeah i gotta boy i gotta get on the cutting edge of the next great piano theme song it's gonna be pilot season's coming up i gotta find this thing um but anyway so i was down there and then I heard a strange noise. Something hit the window in the basement. Uh-oh. And I looked and that small crow was just chilling out. So there's a, our basement is underground. So the like windows kind of dug out. There's like a well surrounding the window that's made of cement.

of dug out there's like a well uh surrounding the window that's made of cement and so there's like you know uh a foot between the window and the the cement on the bottom part of the window there's still it's not like completely enclosed in cement but uh so i'm familiar i've lived in a basement suite i and i yeah yeah yeah yeah me too and then so i was like i'll ignore this i will see if the if this crow can figure it out for himself uh and then half an hour later i was like abby got home and i was like we need to uh help this crow and so i have something very important to tell you yeah even though you got dive bombed by the parents you were like look i'm i'm still a good person well also the parents they're not just gonna leave now the parents aren't gonna be like i i had a plan that was like okay get a little

like bucket or open the window in the basement put a tiny bucket there get like put on some rubber gloves put the crow in the tiny bucket and then someone go up to the front yard and pull up the bucket uh and abby was like no let's just get a shovel and so i like your bucket idea yeah but i like your bucket idea too Yeah, but... I like your bucket idea, too. It was impractical. She was right. But I was like, I don't want to do a shovel. What if I accidentally kill this thing?

And then I'm carrying a dead crow in front of its parents. This is... Yeah, there's no right way to do this. No. So it was injured, obviously. I don't think so. I think it was just dumb. Crows are apparently very smart, but not this one.

So I go, so Abby and I get the shovel and I get an umbrella because I was like, I'm going to hold an umbrella in that way. The mom and dad crows aren't going to. And you're going to spin it a little to hypnotize them. Yeah. And then I'll leave it for them as a trinket and so we go out in the front yard the crows are going crazy they they're like where's my baby can bring me back my baby yeah not without my daughter and uh abby takes the shovel it looks menacing but she uh and i've got i'm running interference

with the umbrella it worked great the umbrella is it it is very strange to have an umbrella in a sunny day surrounded by crows it's very goth uh there's also i i find there's uh a lot of elderly people that in the summer they'll have have an umbrella to just keep the shade. But this could be multi-use. This is good. This is smart. Yeah. Tell marketers.

Yeah. Crow rescuer and umbrella. Yeah, exactly. Just what about a one piece that has a shovel on the end and then just like a little scooper and then umbrella. I mean, how often will this happen? Probably every day you flip it and it yeah yeah and then you can also carry around the crow in the upside down umbrella yes yeah this is all this is great um the uh then abby got the shovel out pulled it up it was so fast it was the plan worked great the crow uh left our

yard after half an hour and then haven't seen it since it could fly it was just like it was a i guess the i guess it was a fledgling it was just kind of learning to fly uh like the great tom petty said but it did have wings did you get to watch it no i uh i ignored it i walked away and then the crows left us alone and then never since they've never never since so hopefully uh you know i don't know what happened to this thing i have a question for you guys i don't know if this has ever come about I don't know if this is too dark for the pod but have you guys ever been in a situation where you have had to kill a bird or baby bird that's been struggling

no and that is too dark for the pod but I can't wait to hear oh you think I have one we assume that you rebelled against your hippie parents and just went went around killing birds oh no i was the only reason i was buying tofu at the stores because i have plenty of dead birds at home you know when it's in misery and it's like

someone has to kill i was like i was on a holiday with with my high school friends for new year's and there was like an injured bird but it was like two injured in the shed where we were camping I was on a holiday with my high school friends for New Year's, and there was an injured bird, but it was too injured, in the shed where we were camping. Right. And it was kind of like that moment where it's like, someone has to kill it. Like, one of us.

I've had mice that I've had to put out of their misery. Yeah, there was a rat one time that was in a rat trap that then needed to be finished off. Well, we're done. We're done talking about this. Too sad. Too sad. Too weird. Too sad, too sad, too weird. Too sad, too sad, too weird. So yeah, helped a crow. The parents have not left any trinkets yet for me.

And I mean, I guess this is war. Yeah, it's like, what do I have to do to bring your attention? Oh, you wanted like a peanut or a cashew? Is that all it takes? Maybe you're like a real hero when they go back to their network. They're like this guy. Yeah. Look out for the guy with glasses and a beard.

And they'll be like, there's a million of these guys. Have you been dive bombed less since you helped it? I guess. Well, that's pretty good. You said you befriended them, Sophia. What did you feed them? Well, okay. Mostly I give them old bread, which I know is bad, but it's like hippy, seedy.

Well, it's like sometimes like white bread obviously swells up in birds' stomachs and kills them. Oh. I thought that was rice. Two ducks for that was right two ducks for the pod but i'll give them like hippie seedy bread and sometimes i'll like soak it in a bit of water so it's like already swelled okay and i leave it out on my balcony and then they fly in and they grab it so do you do you recognize like is it the same crows and how if so how do you know what the different crows? Because they all, to me, and I know this is controversial, but they all look the same.

Yeah, Abby recognizes them as well. Do you want the truth or a lie? There was a couple years where Abby was like, oh, yeah, and they have this sort of teenager crow with them, and the mom has a broken wing. I'm like, I don't know, man. They're all they're all the same weird scary bird to me yeah can you tell them apart or i can't but i also try and give them

space because like sometimes if they see me they they get frightened away from eating right so like i'll lurk you know like i'll be on the couch where i can like see the window and i'll be like very still and i'll try not to like you you know, I'll try and give them space. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to speak to them. Yeah. Don't invade their space.

Well, some of them have knives. So, Oh yeah. There's that one guy. Yeah. Um, so what's going on with you,

Graham? Um, I haven't been, uh, swooped, uh, but I, I didn't know that was happening.

This, it might be a little early for it. Yeah. It seems like like i looked back i remember we talked about it a couple years ago with kulop and i looked when that episode came out and it was a june episode so okay yeah yeah and the next time i'm walking uh tree line street i'm gonna keep some seedy bread with me just to get the hell out of here, man. They like peanuts best, right? I think. I don't know.

I don't like them and I don't want to help them. But I really, nothing happened this week. The only thing that I did was I like myself some oat milk. I'm all in on oat milk. I love. What is oat milk exactly? Same. It's just, I don't know. I guess it's blended oats and water.

Something like that. That's what it is. And it's not anything like milk. If you love milk, it's not going to be a substitute that you think is like, oh, this is just like milk. Not at all. I've had it. It's of all the like alternative milks it's the only one i think i've had oh yeah uh because there was when i was a kid we already had soy that was so right but then nut milk started

coming in and now oat milk what else is there it went like soy oat. That was like the evolution. Okay. Yeah. And oat is... Oh, rice briefly got in there. Oh, sure. Oh, yeah. And oat is... Oat's all right. As a hippie kid, I know all about the alternative milks. Yeah.

Sure. Yeah. But yeah, I'm all in. I love oat milk. I wish I had a shirt that said as much. I heart oat milk. But... And they sell it in like cartons that are the same as milk

they also have tetra packs but it comes in the same container it's not like it's a separate do you like the vanilla? I like the vanilla one yeah I'll do with the plain but if vanilla is on offer it's going to be vanilla all the way down and do you do

it on that do you do it are you putting it in your coffee are you doing uh no i'm cereal i do cereal and i find that uh once in a while if you put it in coffee it kind of doesn't hold like it kind of yeah it just kind of like looks like there's something going on in your coffee that's gross um but so i go to the store right get myself some oat milk uh because i'm all out bring it back uh kind of having trouble opening the thing which is not usual like the the cap feels like it's really welded on like i actually have to get a story gonna be i had to get this wrench to open it and then uh i put on cereal and i took like a bite and it was the most rancid thing i've eaten in like honestly oh i can't remember the last time

it was that bad i think i have some info on this do you yeah because i i am also a big fan of vanilla oat milk and i ordered it through why would it through spud and yeah but that's like local grocery and they just sent an email saying that they're recalling the vanilla oat milk this has got to be because there was some problems must have been the same brand yeah and they're like they're doing a big recall so i was like oh there must have been a r brand yeah and they're like they're doing a big recall so i was like oh there must have been a rancid yeah this was like like exactly that's the word it was rancid what um what did you do was it was it was the texture texture off or just the taste the taste was just and it was just like it was like it's it stuck with me the rest of the day how bad that

tastes do you think the fact that you had to open it with a wrench was related to it that's the thing i should have seen that as a sign that it was too swollen or something like that uh what did you take it back to the store i did i took it back to the store and that became a thing that uh you know the cashier doesn't know how to do it you gotta got to bring in the manager. The manager starts doing it. He's trying to refund me the four dollars or whatever it costs. And I'm like, can I just switch it for another non-Rancid one?

And he was like, yeah, absolutely. You'll never guess. I brought it home. Time to taste test. As Rancid, if not worse than the one I've just returned. They have a bad batch. That's what he said when I went i went back he's like this must just be a bad batch uh but then i was buying something else and i came around the corner and the stuff was still in the fridge so i was like oh like you should take that off it's a poisonous uh product so that's interesting that

there was a recall because oh boy that was oh man you know when you're just not ready for a particular taste and it's just like you're not ready for poison you're not ready taste that that haunt you like i remember one time there was this carrot cake that ants got into it like a lot of ants at the the shop that my that my mom had when when we were kids and it was like there's this carrot cake but like you could get the ants out and eat it and my brother and i would really want to eat this carrot cake because we love sweets yeah and we're not going to get other opportunity to have sweets so we ate it and like that burning acid ant taste oh well like because we thought we'd gotten them all out right but that like burning acid ant taste was just i was still like i still remember that's

i will remember the taste of this forever it was so bad yeah oh yeah i love that but i also like i've never tasted an ant i wouldn't have guessed burning acid. No. Burning acid, yeah. Yeah. I guess that's why they always put them in chocolate or whatever, like whenever they're doing a news story. Yeah, they've got such an intense, it's not a mild taste.

It's like they've got such an intense, intense taste. Huh. Yeah. Yeah. So then I bought a Tetra Pak. I was like, this is not going to be swollen, and this is bought a tetra pack i was like this there's not gonna be swollen and this is from a different batch it was fine yeah then the next day i'm like at the store kind of snacky um so i get some gyozas i get some vegetable gyozas from the deli part i know this store yes and i bring them home and uh yeah just chomp into one of them

not vegetarian at all filled with chicken and i was like oh man this is uh this this store is striking out yeah mislabeled if you were my character on the soap opera you would riot yeah yeah exactly yeah you would protest you'll be like no me yeah yeah exactly and it was mislabeled but then so i brought it back and i was like but how do i know if you switch it that the thing is not meat again so then the lady had to go on the back and like find frozen ones and it said veg on it and i was like okay that's fine but they were frozen so i didn't have i was hungry at that exact moment i wanted them right then so this store is jerking me around man i don't know like i'm afraid to buy fruit from there now i don't know what's going on some milk i bought

some cow milk there uh that was bad the moment i bought it and i brought it back and they said oh yeah bad batch we've had a few of these are they just hoping enough people won I brought it back and they said, oh yeah, bad batch. We've had a few of these. Are they just hoping enough people won't bring it back that when they recall the whole batch and get all the money back that they'll make a profit for people that can't be bothered returning? Yeah. Because a lot of people, I think, especially if you've driven somewhere, you're not going to

get back in the car and drive back. You're just going to throw out whatever it is. Yeah. I remember I once at Home Depot, I bought get back in the car and drive back. You're just going to throw out whatever it is. Yeah. But, Oh, I once, I remember I once at home Depot, I bought,

uh, this like scrubbing, uh, broom. Like, and it was two pieces. It was, you,

you bought the scrub brush and you bought the handle. Uh, and they were separate things that you had to pay separately for. But when I took them through the through the checkout the woman there just scanned them as one thing and i only so i you know got saved myself 20 bucks yeah 20 bucks 10 bucks and uh i was like oh am i stealing and then i remembered all the times i've had to buy something i didn't want at home depot just because i needed one screw and i had to buy like a 50 pack of screws yeah yeah absolutely or i bought the wrong size thing

and didn't bring it back the the other thing is when i went back like now keep in mind the second time i'm going back this is within about 10 minutes and i come back and the woman it's a different woman working the till and she's like do you have a receipt and i was like what scam do you think i'm playing here i i like i've got a bunch of rancid milk that i'm gonna try to try and exchange for not right like what you know it's like yeah and even uh one of the cashiers had to vouch more for me he was like yeah yeah he was here before but i was like i was only here 10 minutes ago i find cashiers like to vouch for me. He was like, yeah, yeah, he was here before, but I was like, I was only here 10 minutes ago. I find cashiers like,

I don't know if you guys have this experience, but the cashiers at my local grocery store are the nicest people. Oh yeah. The cashiers at this one are. I love, yeah, they're super cool. Like most of them,

like one of them loves reading and she'll always tell me about like different books. She'll be like, I just had like, I really want to get home to my book and it'll be something cool and she'll sometimes like give me recommendations or like she likes sci-fi fantasy my book's waiting for me i gotta get home yeah yeah she's like how are you like i have my books i left it in the bathtub they're just i don't know they're just really nice at this local one yeah they're nice at all the grocery stores i go to but i don't talk to them i don't know anything about their lives i think i'm going too many times a day i'm like i forgot something

they're like oh yeah i'm in the middle of this book i'm like see you no receipt for me thanks just take my word for it if i need to return my rancid milk there's yeah it's i see the same people there over and over again there's's certain characters that I remember from each visit. There's a real tall guy working there now. A real tall man. Could be a model. Could be a model, this guy. Tall, chiseled.

Could be. How's his walk? His walk is... I've never seen it because he's just standing at the cash. But I feel like I've discovered it. Like, I feel like I've gone in there and be like, Holy cow,

you're tall and handsome. You can do that. You don't need to work as a cashier. Take your shirt off. Let's see you. You can probably work your way up to being a lawyer or something without any doctor. Yeah. So adventures in grocery shopping uh what are you what are you gonna do i'm gonna i'm gonna give them one more shot and uh hope that whatever i get is is what i want

and uh because i can't keep eating things that are the wrong things yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, once that batch is gone, you might be back down to business. Yeah, yeah. Once they sell all the wrong oat milk. They're like, we got to ship this produce fast. Yeah, yeah, we got to, this is all bad. Everything in here is bad. Yeah, the apples have all sorts of snakes in them and we just got to get them out of the

door not worms nope snakes wow i've had that where i've bitten into a piece of fruit and it's like you see this creature and you're like oh my god like eating creatures eating ants killing birds is there anything you can't do yeah she's so goth well we would eat a lot of like street like on the island the street like there did a lot of like street like on the island the street like there's a lot of fruit that grow on the streets like like mainly loquats i don't know if you guys have loquats here too much like kind of like a fleshy orange we don't have we only have kumquats those are our only quads yeah i don't know i don't even know what is a kumquat uh a little orange is it a little it's a little guy yeah just a little it's a loquat

orange is it yeah it's a little guy yeah just a little it's a loquat it's like a little fleshy yellow fruit and it has quite big quite big pips but i remember eating one of those before taking a bite at one point and then just seeing this like wriggling worth and just being like that would be enough for me to go off of that fruit for the rest of my life that would be enough loquats also known as a Japanese apricot or plum, are in the rosaceae family. The same as

apples, pears, peaches, and nectarines. Someone's calling in telling me I mispronounced that. Plumquats, however, are a citrus fruit.

Think of them as a smaller, tartar version of an orange. It was just at the time when naming a fruit, you had to have quat.

Yeah, this is from quatlife.com.co.nz i love it when you look stuff up and like i was listening to the your podcast that you did with ivan decker and then you guys looked up serum what oh serum yeah and then i was just like i just wanted to scream like, I think I know what it is. Well, we still don't know. Yeah. Serum's a little bit like kumquat. Well, that's great, Graham. Thanks.

Thank you very much. Should we move on to some overheards? Yes. My fellow graduates, for 500 episodes, my podcast, The JV Club with Janet Varney, has gathered story after story of all the scandalous things we've done throughout our childhoods. Wait, what's happening? Stories like how Jameela Jamil survived a horrific house party and she was on crutches. This is great.

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So join us each week and let us tell you that you are doing a good job. You can listen to one bad mother on maximum fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard's a segment on this here show that we say, listen to that there person. And then you send it to this here pod. And we always like to start with the guest.

Sophia, do you have an overheard? I do. I have an overheard. So, I mean, they knew I was was there like i wasn't like at the door you know like but i think they'd sort of forgotten that i was there so i was driving out to a show in white rock with two comics okay and i was sitting in the back and there was you know two comedians in the front and i was just you know i was just resting i was just chilling sure and they were talking about like girls so two dudes dudes, and they were like,

how to like, how to get girls, you know, or how to, but neither of these comics, I would say like, man, those guys,

they get a lot of girls, you know, like it wasn't, but like, they were like talking about, about it. And they're just so far off base. Like they're like,

you got to bring them spices. That's the way. Well, you feed them peanuts and they'll bring you a trinket you gotta bring them spices um yes well that one i honestly if a guy brought me some spices i'd be like that's really nice like yeah that's true spices are expensive especially that's expensive like oh yeah if a guy bought me saffron i'd be like man we're you're in buddy um no they were like man yeah you've gotta clean your bathroom like that was their big that was their big thing

they were like yeah man and then one of them was like yeah man i've made that mistake before so i was like what they're like oh never again i would never make that mistake again and i was like what happened like they were like in the middle of making out and she's like i gotta use it and they came back in and i was like look i'm gonna go i just yes it is pretty crazy when you go into a really disgusting bathroom, like at somebody's house. I guess. But that was their main piece of advice. That was their thing.

They were like, man, you got to. But then the guy who said that, he was like, yeah, that's why I have two bathrooms now. I made one. There's one that came with the apartment. I have a secret one inside that I can, inside the first bathroom. And I can keep that one as dirty as I want. Exactly.

Also, do they invite over these women and say like, I guarantee you, clean bathroom if you want to come with me and just check it out? Yeah, because you've already done a lot of work to get the girl back to your house. Like for that to be one of your big moves, like. Yeah, exactly. how like for that to be one of your big moves like yeah exactly i've heard worse uh advice for how to meet somebody yeah yeah i mean like it sounds like they're doing okay if they can get that far if they get yeah that's true he's like yeah dude that's why i've got two bathrooms and then the other comic was like oh man this one time this girl said she wanted to come over for dinner and i hired a cleaner to come over and clean my bathroom that's smart and i was

like yeah i know and he was like and then the cleaner like took a look at the ceiling and was like oh man this mold on the ceiling this is a big job this is like a two hour ceiling and was like, oh man, this mold on the ceiling. This is a big job. This is like a two hour. So I was like, well, how long since you've been laid? If this is a, the ceiling has gotten to this.

You know, it's just like, that's like the score. What would you do? Like put a poster up on the roof and just be like, cover up the mold. No. So he was like,

I don't care how long it takes. I don't care how much it costs. Clean that ceiling. Nice. Okay. I don't know so he was like, I don't care how long it takes. I don't care how much it costs. Clean that ceiling. Nice. And then, I don't know if she was like, I don't have time for the bedroom. And he's like, don't worry about it. It'll be dark. Or like, I don't know. He's like, mood lighting in the bedroom, harsh lighting in the bathroom.

Yeah, that is true. It's hard to find a nice moody bathroom. In the bedroom, you can kind of throw everything under the bed you can't really like throw everything into the toilet just flush everything and there's those like fluorescent lights you know that like show up every germ

and every pore I'm trying to think if I've ever been oh I think at the there's a space here in town called the China cloud and i feel like they've always got candles in the bathroom instead of lights and it's pretty nice it's pretty nice i mean maybe maybe the bathrooms are filthy yeah but i always find that unsettling because i'm like what is behind the flickering candle light oh yeah uh poo smell yeah yeah it's like a little blue fluff that kind of uh

you know pink slime all these kind of the classics of a disgusting bathroom um dave do you have an overheard i mean the fight club house was pretty gross and those guys did okay they did all right yeah their whole house was like a bathroom so yeah, you know, did the person who came over, she was one of a kind. She probably didn't care about bathroom. Oh, Marla? Yeah, Marla. Yeah. Yeah.

Marla was a character. I wonder what her bathroom was like. The movie would never allow us that view. But yeah, it was so male centric. We never got to see marla's bathroom that's why we need fight club too marla's bathroom yes i haven't overheard uh this is this was a kind of a this one's a little bit tragic okay sure um there was i had my daughters at the pool uh last week

and there was a little boy who wanted to play with them and he was just coming on a little strong um and he was he was like my kids are six and eight and he was maybe four and so he was uh he he they weren't even really playing any games. My daughters, they were just like swimming around and he went up to them and was like, can I play? And they were like, okay. Um, and so they just kept swimming around and he was just like, kind of there as well. And then he goes like nose to nose with one of my daughters And he says Wanna be my friend? I'm nice to every kid in the world

And then I like his moxie Like I like his That's a good selling point You know But I mean It's not You know It's not tested

He hasn't met every kid in the world that's true but he's young you know he's learning i'm i've uh i'm nice to every kid in the world here's here's what i have going for me yeah exactly here's uh up front my resume uh yeah these are things that's actually the best way to meet somebody new is tell them don't clean your bathroom just tell them that you're the nice you're nice to everyone but it's also like it's indiscriminate as well like you don't feel special you know that's true you're not like oh yeah are you even nice to osama bin laden yeah but you're not like oh they they particularly like me like they think i'm really fun they're just like they would treat anyone

yeah right he treats every kid nice and so what what's the point? You're not special. You're not a unique snowflake. I'm Tyler Durden. This is the Fight Club house. That would be a fun weekly show. The Fight Club house. You know, for kids. Yeah.

They show cartoons and stuff. It all takes place. The host is hosted yeah this sounds pretty good um uh my overhead also kid related um uh speaking of kid related i i saw kid and play and salt and peppa on celebrity family feud this week is that right yeah how do they all look good yeah um i almost watched house party but uh it's bad is what i realized like when i was a kid i was like this rules and then watching it now who are the big rappers growing up in new zealand well i'm glad you asked actually because this has come up before in conversation with comics and they're always like,

what? There was this guy called scribe sometimes called scribble. Okay. His name was scribe and he had a one very famous rap. He, he was a bit of a one hit wonder and his famous rap was how many dudes, you know, roll like this,

how many dudes, you know, flow like this, how many dudes, you know, got the skills dudes you know flow like this how many dudes you know got the skills to rock a show like this wow that's pretty good that was yeah and then that was like that became kind of part of new zealand vernacular that became part of slang like it'd be like how many dudes you know roll like this you know like it was like very and people like ah scruble and i saw him live when I was like about 13.

We used to have big day out concerts. Sure. I saw him. Actually, I ditched him to see Metallica. So it was like they had Metallica playing. You're like, I like this one song, but Metallica's got, you know, several hits. Metallica was playing at the same time. Well, that would be tough. That was tough.

That was tough. Yeah. I think he got to play a game like so it was like but there was this kind of mash of people trying to get to metallica and people trying to get to scribe and that was a different crowd right and there was like fights breaking out and um but then there was this other i actually don't know i think they're new zealand brand and they were called the decepticons and i don't know what their jam was i don't know if they were sponsored by like hasbro 111 or as you call it 911 if they were sponsored by like the fire department or like fire safety awareness but they had this song their big hit song was like you got to stop drop and roll that does

sound like an educational song yeah yeah but it was like weirdly a big hit like they're like with this part you got to stop drop everyone i was like man are they getting government money like is that how this is but it was like a big song and yeah look both ways before you cross the street was their follow-up hit uh don't talk to strangers. Is that, yeah. Be nice to every kid. Graham, you do have an overheard. I do. I was a, I don't know who the adult was in relation to this kid.

Maybe a supervisor, maybe an uncle or an aunt, but not a parent. Because she was asking her, like, questions like, what do you do today? And that kind of thing. And she asked, did you go to the park and the girl said yeah it was the time of my life so cute yeah and probably true like she was young enough that it's like, you know, they haven't been to see Scribe or anything just yet. I love that story. Yeah. Adorable kid. It is when you're a kid, you do, you can't, you've had enough, you haven't had so many great days that you can't keep track of them.

Yeah. You're like, yeah, this was probably the eighth best day of my life today. Yeah. Because there's no, yeah, there's no bar to compare it to um anyways she was cute she had fun at the park try not to have fun at the park you know it's uh everything you want is there fun fun fun geese are there geese don't swoop they're taking over everything sitting everywhere making the park uninhabitable or yeah yeah yeah usable um now we also have overheard sent into us by people from around the world if you want to send

one into us it's sby at maximum fun dot org and uh this first one comes from uh john in austin From John in Austin. This is my son, seven, had a bad cough. My daughter, 10, started coughing, too. I said, looks like you got a son's cough. And the daughter says, yeah, you used his toothbrush on accident. Wow. Well, I mean, if they were the same brand of toothbrush sure maybe you can mistake it but uh feel like when i was a kid your your toothbrush had to be a certain color and your siblings had to be an opposite or yeah that's true and your parents certainly your parents would be different

yes yeah oh yeah i don't know if this is gross or like unusual but like my husband and i we share we share a toothbrush head we don't have different toothbrush heads huh i don't know if it's gross or unusual it's not none of my business yeah do you ever are you like whoa why isn't this wet i thought you said you brushed your teeth today no i'm using coconut oil i'm a hippie like you i'm doing oil pulling um what happens when one of you goes out of town well we have we actually do we do have two but we just kind of use both because like one of them did you get two toothbrushes as a wedding gift one of them is better for your teeth and one of them is better for your gums

okay so we have like one that's in the shower and one that's on the sink and we kind of use both of them and then if someone goes away which one's the shower one the shower one is the one that's good for your teeth and the sink one is the one that's good for your gums hmm

can you do it both at the same time one on the go yeah i mean i've not tried that but that'd be wild i should try are you ever like oh you need a shower also to work on the teeth yeah well you're in there do a big scrub never because my chris is like one of those ultra clean you know like yeah many showers a day like ultra clean guys yeah too many showers i get nervous can there be yeah well if you're a hippie yeah yeah that's true like drought technique rolling around in the dirt like um like an elephant or something to yeah yeah like a chinchilla yes like this is unnerving yeah uh this next one comes from brian c from minnesota this is an overheard from the first day of pride month from two high school sophomores in minnesota student one my mom

doesn't think i'm gay student two has she seen you student one yeah and this morning in my house i literally yelled i'm gay and it's my month so that's yeah i mean happy pride and what better way to uh let everybody know that you've got a whole month that's great um yeah i don't uh i don't know any other celebration that is a month long am i maybe uh it was asian heritage month last month there's a lot black history month is black history month yeah this february there's a lot there's like 12 of them no i don't know about the month i just know the the general groupings january etc june etc there's a thing too with the the women's because this is a women's month it's february and it's only 28 days right so there's a short change how come sure yeah yeah yeah well um i like i do the thing with

my knuckles to remember which ones are the short ones do you what's the knuckle thing you don't do the rhyme uh the knuckle thing is your your knuckle goes up and down and up and down and goes january's a big month february's a small month march big april small may big june small july big and then you turn around the other way august big as well ah and september's small october the rhyme is yeah what's the rhyme again 30 days has september april june and november yeah knuckles easier knuckles easier yeah except for 28 29 every leap year yeah that's true the song doesn't account for leap years but i'm sure somebody will do a remix one of these days that brings in the whole the whole year How many months you know got the

30s. How many months you know got all the days. Yeah, exactly. Well, we're in June. That should be better for the Decepticons because they do all the public information and stuff. Yeah, here's how to know what the months are. Here's the knuckle trick.

Yeah, June's 30th. We're getting one last day um to pay the rent yeah um this last one comes from sean h in seattle i was recently at a bubble tea cafe and the person in front of me was entering her order into a touch screen she hesitated at the section about sweetness level and asked an employee uh why isn't there an option for no sugar employee because it's not good without sugar yes excellent excellent point uh if you're selling something that's super sweet uh you know what would it be i guess it would just be tea if you if you. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I'm on the side of the people that were overheard.

I hate it when I love a good dry tea. Oh, yeah. And I actually talked to Starbucks about this because I like it, not to make myself seem like an unlikable, but I get a matcha latte if I go to an open matcha latte. So, and I always say say i get a mocha choco latte yeah yeah with my friend lady marmalade nice and i said to them i was like because i i said i was like i bet most of the people that order matcha want no sugar because

the venn diagram between people that are like watching their sugar and people that drink matcha like that's pretty and she was like yeah it's definitely more than half of the people that drink matcha want no sugar and i was like well maybe they should just go to hell yeah yeah um because they have to add that pump so it's like yeah you gotta add a pump yeah yeah yeah matcha yeah yeah pump in addition to overhers that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one ugh spy pod one

like these people have you're gonna like this one hi david and graham and pod probable guest this is matt from port moody calling with an overheard i was walking down the street the other day and a guy was walking towards me and he was kind of looking at his iphone and paused for a second and said hey siri what the fuck is oat milk that's all have a good

day guys thanks yeah didn't you believe it on this episode of all episodes and siri's like okay first of all don't swear at me i don't uh i don't appreciate that second Second of all, it's Milkmaid out of votes. Leave me alone. Yeah. Do you have an iPhone, Sophia? No. And this has come up a lot recently.

Because people are like, oh, I'll just add you to the group chat. And I was like, what's the group chat? Oh, yeah. They're like, do you have an Android? And I was like what is what's the group chat oh yeah they're like do you have a android and i was like yeah and they're like oh never mind yeah i'm like hey wait a minute like well i was gonna say that uh you could you siri doesn't have to be uh a her you can make you give it any voice you want and they can you can have any accent you want too yeah it can maybe be a taste of home if you i wonder whose voice that is series voice it's got to be somebody that they've like cloned the voice and i thought it was a computer

voice oh like completely made up by computers i think it's pretty completely made up by computers but it's you know it's got to resemble someone's voice i almost got a job once auditioning to be like a virtual person so it's like they map you what you have to do for the audition is you have to do like all the different facial expressions so like laughter and sadness and happiness and tears and like do them all and you just have to like run through them all and they were gonna like yeah map you and then use that to create a virtual assistant oh wow i'm glad I didn't get it, actually. Because I think that would be kind of weird. I don't want people being like, fuck you!

You know how people speak to robots. But people always coming up to you like, I know you from somewhere. I can't remember where. Yeah, I don't want that. I don't want that, yeah. The robot's buying tofu. Yeah. And here's your next phone call.

Hey, this is Graham. This is's your next phone call. Hey, this is Graham, Alex from St. Paul. Me and my fiance were at the hardware store the other day when we walked past a group of teens

and we overheard one of them say, if we don't get my mom an oatmeal cream pie, she won't let us beatbox. No friggin' way, man! Oatmeal cream pie, she won't let us beatbox. No friggin' way, man! Oatmeal cream pie?

I thought it said oat milk cream pie. Was it oat milk again? Yeah, that's what I heard was oat milk cream pie, which, I don't know, man. First of all, I've never seen an oat milk cream pie. No, me neither. But also an oatmeal cream pie also sounds very,

I guess if the crust is oatmeal, then. If someone bought me an oatmeal cream pie, I would let them beatbox. When I Google oatmeal cream pie, first of all, do not go to Google Images. It's correct to, did you mean oatmeal cream pie? And it looks to be like sandwiches, Uh, there, it's correct to did you mean oatmeal cream pie. Okay. And it looks to be like, like sandwiches, oatmeal cookies with cream in between.

Oh, okay. Delicious. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I didn't know beatboxing was still big. Oh, it's huge, man. I was in the championships this year.

Were you? Yeah. Okay. I know I'm naive. With my capoeira instructor. I don't know if you guys are ready for this, but this is going to blow your mind. Two, three, four.

I do a flip and I do a boop boop boop and here's your final phone call Hi this is Joe from Oregon calling in and overheard I was scrolling TikTok and if you don't use TikTok it's just like short little videos and then every maybe like 25 or 30 videos they put like someone who's live

in there so I was just kind of casually scrolling and i got to a live of a woman who was a bikini barista so she's like making coffee in a little shack scantily clad um and some unknown force compelled me to watch it for a moment anyway the a customer pulled up and probably most of her customers are like bald men in flat room hats and lifted trucks. And this was no different. And he pulls up in his big truck and he's like, you know,

flirting with her and she is doing what she has to do to get a tip. And, uh, so, but you can only hear her because it's on her phone and there's music playing. She can't really hear him, but you kind of guess. Cause she's like,

Oh no, stop. No, you, I didn't drop anything. You drop something. Uh huh of guess because she's like oh no stop no you i didn't drop anything you dropped something uh-huh and then she's like oh stop your card was declined and then i just kind of chuckled and swiped up again and thought you know what no freaking way no freaking way man um that's so funny like after all this kind of flirting that's like well

yeah do you have cash on you or anything or keep driving um but he thinks it's just for a tip he doesn't he's not thinking okay this is real love maybe it is yeah probably i'm falling in love with most people in the drive-thru whether they're in a bikini or not yeah he's like she's just doing what she had to do i'm like well, well, this guy's cynical, man. Maybe she really liked this guy. That's true. And the unknown force was something else. Yeah.

Made him watch. Yeah, what would be the unknown force that makes a guy watch a woman in a bikini? It's unknowable. Unknown and unknowable. Well, that brings us to the end of the podcast sofia thank you so much for being our guest thank you guys it's been a blast and uh you in what is it june 18th did you say you're opening 27th 27th june 27th yeah uh opening for the amazing uh maria bamford so let's. Yeah. Yeah.

Excellent. Congratulations. That's going to be a lot of fun. Thank you. I'm very excited. And that's here in Vancouver at the Rio Theater. At the Rio. The Rio Theater.

Okay. When I Googled, I was, I wanted to get the date right. And I Googled Maria Bamford, Vancouver. And it had the date of the show. But then also there's a soprano singer named Maria Bamford from Vancouver. Oh, wow! Maybe she'll go to the show.

Also playing on the 27th. Yeah, you're opening for both. Oh, no, I'm double booked! Well, thank you for being our guest. Thank you, everybody out there, for listening to the show. No matter what Maria Bamford you are, you're very special to us. So come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

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