Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 101 - Kevin Lee
Episode Date: February 16, 2010Kevin Lee returns and we basically just talk about The Olympic opening ceremonies and a shirt made out of pizza....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 101 of Stop Podcasting Yourself, the most Dalmatianist of podcasts.
My name is Graham Clark and joining me as always is the person we call a real life Cruella DeVille, Mr. Dave Shumka.
Gung hey fat choy, guys.
back at you and our guest a gentleman who we figured out through the magic of calendars uh was last on this podcast almost a year ago today like within a within about a week
you were here around last valentine's day mr kevin lee improviser comedian writer
salesman i think annual event yep and all things. You're back for Kevin Lee Fest.
That's right.
Kevin Lee.
And Red Lobster.
One year later.
It's like 7-Up, but one year at a time.
Watching my life pass.
One up.
Yeah, one up.
7-Up the drink or the child game?
The child documentary.
Let's get to know us.
Get to know us.
Have you never heard of 7 Up?
It's the documentary series that started with
It was like a group of
7 month old fetuses
No just kidding, it started with 7 year old kids
They're just like interviewing bellies
It's the most boring of the series
Some of the bellies are wearing headphones
And then it
Yeah, it follows this group of people every seven years
they go back and kind of analyze what has happened in their life i can't where are they now are they
49 up or something like they're pretty far along like it's been going on for a long time it's like
the same people different it's a series every time they update it every seven years yeah yeah
it's the same company making the same film with the same people, but it's every seven years. Are there seven people?
I think so.
Maybe.
I don't know that much about it.
And they should just do like a battle royal one time.
Well, that's what's going to happen at 56.
They'll somehow find their lives leading to an island and then suddenly they're just left there.
And they're like, who will be the... Then there's just seven people left.
I don't know.
They all get seven weapons.
Coconut radio.
There's seven doors and seven keys to seven doors.
Seven brides for seven brothers.
There are seven bullets on the island.
Whoever commits suicide last wins.
This is great because it's episode seven of our show.
So it's a perfect time to do all this Sev talk.
By the way, do you guys want to go to Sev?
Hang out in the parking lot at Sev.
So what's going on with Kevin Lee?
You were just saying that you think 2010 is going to be a great year.
You're pro-riot.
Oh, no.
Uh-oh.
Nope.
I don't.
Okay, that's okay.
Let's give an update for the listener.
We live in Vancouver, home of the 2010 Olympic Games.
Last night was the opening ceremonies, and this morning there was a mini riot down there.
The Kaiser Chiefs were correct.
Their prediction was right on.
What was their prediction?
They had a song called I Predict the Riot.
So many of us saw this, the show of like ungotten references by one of us.
It was an Olympic.
But yeah, there was the first in what I'm sure will be a series.
We'll do a seven up of riots.
Yeah.
Because I know it's going to happen again seven days from now
and another seven days from then.
Sure, yeah.
It's just going to become habit for the city
and they're just going to keep rioting even after the Olympics are over.
Yeah, everybody just takes the windows out of their front.
Like, eh, whatever.
If we lose a couple mannequins, we're trying to win a deal.
But yeah, so there was like some windows smashed, and you know.
But our point is Kevin is pro-riot.
Yeah.
No!
We keep putting words in his mouth.
I'm pro-words in my mouth.
It's, I don't know.
There's certain, there's elements, the reason for the riots I'm okay with, i.e.
dissenting to the Olympics, but then like, I don't know.
I feel like it paints the dissent in a bad light because it just can be portrayed so
easily by the media as hooliganism.
This is suddenly turning not funny whatsoever. No, but it's, because it just can be portrayed so easily by the media as hooliganism. This is suddenly turning not funny whatsoever.
No, but it's...
Because it just happened. The first one
that I'm sure it won't be the last one
happened this morning and there was, you know,
violence and some people were arrested.
Nothing... Nobody was killed.
No, not even close.
All those...
Yeah, apparently a guy got jumped by
a couple of the protesters.
They called themselves protesters, but they were breaking windows and covering their faces with masks.
So they're like con-testers.
But apparently some guy was like, hey, go home, jerks.
Like just some guy on the street and then a couple of protesters started beating him up.
Really?
Oh, see, I don't like that.
Yeah, they say that's going too far.
Like, who cares?
Like, I don't know.
I'm okay.
I don't know.
Go home, jerks. I don't know what. Yeah, they say that's going too far. Like, who cares? Like, I don't know. I'm okay. I don't know. I can't say I'm a pro at Smash.
I don't know what he said.
Hey, guys.
Come on, guys.
Just be real for a moment.
Ease up.
Let's all sit down here on my crate and let's talk this out.
Let's have a little jam sesh with Terry.
With Terry.
With Terry.
So, are you going to participate at all in the Olympics?
No, not really.
I don't know.
There's just everything.
I work downtown, so that feels like participation enough because there's so many people.
It's so busy.
Lots of Norwegians.
Oh, my God.
I saw the best Russian guy yesterday.
And this is the only time of year when you feel okay identifying people by their country of origin.
Because randomly, you can't just be like, I saw a Russian guy.
And you're like, how do you know he's Russian?
This guy was wearing a tracksuit that said russia on his back and so he was like he was he had like this like blondish gray like feathered e like a
mullet um and uh and he was like nine feet he basically looked like dolph lundgren basically
and he was huge and he was so angry and he's by himself and then like a pack of ukrainians
um uh found him.
No, they all just started talking to one another,
but really low, and they all seemed really angry,
but maybe...
They were talking about...
There was a protest happening up front,
so maybe that was it.
Well, speaking of Dolph Lundgren,
we got sent an amazing clip by a listener, Bumper.
Dolph Lundgren singing at an awards show,
singing the Elvis song.
What is that song? I didn't see it it's a little more action a little less conversation yeah yeah he sings
the song Elvis wrote for Ocean's Eleven Universal Soldier
he comes out uh and I think it's obviously it's in some country where they would approve of Delphalungrid singing this song.
Was it Sweden?
I think he's Swedish.
I thought he was Russian.
No.
Oh, wow.
That's really...
He might be Danish.
My illusions are being dissed.
Used?
Yeah.
He's whatever country accepts him the most.
But anyways, it's a lavish song and dance number.
And then he sits down at the drum set and does a big drum solo.
He drums?
Yeah.
What is he, Dana Carvey?
He's wearing a tuxedo the whole time and he's playing to the camera.
Like whenever he says like a little more action, he points at the camera.
It was great.
Wow.
There were a lot of people in the crowd with balloons.
Dolph Lundgren's signature.
I love balloons.
Every time I do a movie, It's a trailer full of balloons
I feel in Europe
In Europe
They do a lot more
They're a lot more sincere about things
They appreciate things
Shamelessly
And like they will
They all learn chants
They all clap along to every song
They probably invented those thunder sticks The sincerest form of They all learn chants. They all clap along to every song.
They probably invented those thunder sticks.
The sincerest form of approval is balloon.
That's how you know you're doing really.
That's like the standing ovation of Europe.
They all just inflate balloons instead of lighters.
They're like trying to knock them.
There's so many of them they just get away.
It's deafening.
The number of balloons flying off in every direction.
Speaking of foofarai,
who watched the Olympic opening ceremony?
I did. Right?
Yeah.
Did you enjoy it, Graham?
Yeah, it was all right.
I heard this morning that it cost $40 million.
So if that's true,
then I think they went a little
over budge um what let's do a quick recap of it okay okay uh we start giant uh totem poles come
out with arms yeah uh what i missed the start of it yeah and then first nations dancers dancers come out. Yeah, ice totems. No, starts with the VIP box.
Half of the VIPs not arrived yet.
People still being seated as ceremonies start.
Nice.
Then giant totem pole guys.
First Nation dancers.
Then all the countries walk in.
Yeah.
And then...
The whole alphabet from Greece to Canada.
Are they in alphabetical order?
Yeah, they are.
And then there's a couple countries where there's...
But Greece starts and the host country always ends.
Oh, why is Greece...
Oh, because Olympics, yeah.
Olympics, yeah.
Still holding on to that, aren't they?
It's all they have.
That and the Greek salad.
Yeah, the olives. They're all they have. That and the Greek salad. Yeah, the olive.
They're all just eating.
Everybody has to come out eating their national dish.
A big brick of feta cheese.
They're like, I'm Greek and I actually don't like feta cheese.
This is the worst tradition.
I have to work out tomorrow.
They put on a black mask and smash a bay window.
I have feta cheese.
I have to ski down a mountain tomorrow.
I feel terrible.
I drank too much of the feta cheese drink.
Before any of those things,
it started with a video of a guy snowboarding down a hill.
Oh, right, right, right.
That's like memento.
We're working backwards.
And then you don't remember any of it?
And then you just shoot yourself in the eye.
And then, yeah, he comes.
It's one of those things that you've seen like a million times where it's a video and then the door swings open.
And the guy's a little late getting out.
It's supposed to be seamless, but he snowboards into the stadium off a ramp like two seconds too late.
Yeah, it was too late.
It was definitely off cue. And then he snowboarded through an Olympic rings onto a snow ramp into the arena.
Fake snow.
Potato flakes, I assume.
Was he like a famous guy?
Was it Donald Sutherland?
I don't know who it was.
Was it anybody?
It wasn't.
We were having dinner last week and they had those.
The campaign was Believe, right?
And it was Donald Sutherland with all the kids. You've seen the commercials no i'm pretty sure they've stopped promoting
the olympics now that we're one day in but they had donald sutherland was the voice of the olympics
of the kids and i'd be like what i don't believe a child could be done that's all
at one point at the end, he goes,
do you believe? And then he tries
to smile, but I think it's so foreign
to Donald Sutherland to
ever express joy that
it just looks like he's grimacing, like
somebody poked him in the back. Yeah, he's just like,
and so he was at the
ceremonies. Old Man Winter,
I think, was his character he was playing.
Okay, so after all the countries come in,
and there's like four really hot chicks among all the athletes.
And that's what the camera trained on the whole time.
So it was like, what a hot Olympics.
A couple of hot flag bearers.
Leggy flag bearers.
I saw a clip of that where it's like all the men are fully clothed,
but the women are barely wearing anything. Oh oh yeah the country uh holders things yeah yeah
um the guys should have had short shorts on just to make it even and it would have been so fucked
up like he's like a cabin boy i do that guy i do that guy um Okay, after the country's come in,
lot of hoo-ha.
Yeah.
By which I mean female genitalia.
Lot of whoopee.
And then what was the next thing?
I don't know.
It was a lot of,
there was some pomp,
there was some circumstance.
Was it?
No, oh, it was the national anthem
sung by this.
As interpreted.
As interpreted,
but like in that sexy kind of, the way that they do the American national anthem sung by this... As interpreted. As interpreted, but like in that sexy kind of
the way that they do the American
national anthem a lot of times at football
games or whatever, will be like over
like you're singing to
the country and you're trying to seduce it.
You brought the country up on stage and put it in a
chair and you're like singing to it.
Yes!
Oh say...
Hey Canada, I hear you're having a bachelorette party.
You're looking good, Canada.
Shave show.
Just kidding.
I remember I saw that.
I listened to that episode.
That's us.
Shave show.
Just give Canada a big old shave show.
And that was the Nora Jones lookalike girl.
Yeah.
Oh.
Only 16, I gathered.
She's very.
But very seductive.
She seduced the shit out of that nation.
And then, so that was weird because it didn't sound quite like O Canada.
And then I can't remember what came next.
I don't know specifically, but it was maybe, oh, it was the history of Canada with like the ice melting on the thing.
Oh yeah, the artistic kind of yeah that was good
that part i thought was yeah pretty well done and you know for what it was ice capades or whatever
um and then sporty spice and brian adams when you're gone did they sing i saw it i saw it on
mute and uh no they lip synced Nelly Furtado and Brian Adams
and Brian Adams missed his cue.
Oh, really?
He didn't have his microphone
up by his mouth
and he started singing.
So it was,
that wasn't great.
Oh, well.
I remember seeing a clip of that
and they kept like all like
the like First Nations dancers
like were all around them
as if it was like
the Much Music Video Awards
with First Nations dancers
like audience and like
full regalia.
Yeah, like circus where they're all just like woo! Like at first it took me a second to realize that that was them like i thought they just brought partiers out and i'm like what they
just give them a club scene and i was like oh it's all the first nation dancers and then i
extra level of weirdness where do you think the first nation dancers go when they want to dance
and then a lot of wire work.
Yeah, there was a kid that flew around a lot.
Yeah, Peter Pan at the Prairies.
Oh, Fiddle Fest.
Fiddle Fest.
That was obnoxious.
Oh, so rock and roll with their chains and ripped tartan skirts.
And everyone wearing fake tattoos.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sick of that.
I didn't understand the fake tattoos.
What was that sign What was that?
Celtic tattoos?
Yeah, Celtic.
Scottish tattoos?
Because it's kind of Scots Celtic, the fucking...
What percentage of old Celtic, like old-timey Celtic people had tattoos?
Well, the ones that teamed up with the Maoris to fight off the invasion.
They all got tattoos.
Yeah.
To remember their time together.
It's fun. I'm Maori forever. That's when They all got tats. Yeah. To remember their time together. It's fun.
I'm married forever.
That's when they invented barbed wire.
Yeah.
That's right.
That's right.
So there was that.
And then...
Sarah McLachlan sang a song.
Yeah.
Asked you to donate to the SBC.
Yeah.
She brought some crippled animals.
Out of the back of her piano it opened and then on wires some crippled animals.
Out of the back of her piano it opened and then on wires
came crippled animals floating out of it.
Wearing skis.
Wearing skis and cups.
We have to incorporate the Olympics.
The little Canada batuks and scarves.
Little mitts, those red mitts the animals
cover up their mangled paws.
Okay, and that happened.
That happened. And that was not bad.
That was appropriate for the theme.
Then a couple speeches, maybe.
Worst, horrible speeches.
And then Shane Koizen, local slam poet.
He's really good.
Poet.
Poet.
There's no masculine or feminine. But I didn't know he was a part of it. And I was shocked and surprised. And it was really good. Poet. Poet. There's no masculine or feminine.
But I didn't know he was a part of it, and I was shocked and surprised, and it was really good, and he got, like, big audience reaction and stuff.
Which, I imagine following, like, you know, high wire antics, crazy 3D effects.
A giant bear.
Yeah, a giant polar bear. A giant bear made of LEDs and then the whales that went...
That swam on the floor or whatever?
Yeah, and spat up.
People at home, if you want, you can watch along on ctv.ca.
Just fast forward.
Rewind and fast forward back and then go back again and forward.
He just went up and it was just him on a platform doing his thing.
And he did really, really well.
So that, I was over the moon that that went so well.
And then I can't remember what followed.
Was it Katie Lang?
Yeah, that was really good.
She sang the...
Hallelujah.
Oh, she killed it.
She was really good.
She was good.
And she wasn't lip syncing?
No, she sang.
You're sure she wasn't? No, she brought it. I remember the microphone was a mile away from her face, it she was really good she was good lip syncing no she's saying sure she wasn't no she brought it like the microphone was like a mile away but she was like like a silent
she knows what she's doing yeah she can belt it out all right she belts it out to the rafters
she's great and then i think that's when they brought in the torch am i missing a chunk uh
maybe i think a lot of it can be uh summed up with wire work we're gonna be like for 40 for
40 million dollars there could have been a lot more interpretive dance.
Yeah.
So all of it is interpretive dance.
God.
A lot of it was ponchos.
Yeah, there were a lot of ponchos, a lot of cardboard drums.
A lot of plastic lighter lights.
Yeah.
I just, yeah, I knew that.
That's the kind of stuff that my mom I know would eat up with a spoon,
but I'm watching them just like, more interpretive dance.
And the way the announcers have to tell you what's happening all the time.
Like, this is a mountain rising out of the ground, symbolizing the rugged wilderness of Canada.
I was watching.
Like, just incidentally flipped over after the Canadian one was done.
They were replaying it an hour later on NBC.
it an hour later on NBC.
And one of the commentators' comments when New Zealand came out,
when their team came out, was,
that's where a lot of the effects in Avatar were done.
Thanks, New Zealand.
He was just Googling frantically.
I need something about New Zealand.
Once I shared a dorm room
in college with a New Zealand guy
at the end of our tenure. He told me he was
Australian. Don't believe him.
A lot of
our viewers
will be familiar with Whale Rider.
And the weird thing about
the Olympics is that, or the
opening ceremonies, is that
how do you practice that like it's not like
you you can't go see a in vegas go see an opening ceremony like how do you know you're any good at
doing opening ceremonies there's only been like 20 in the history of the world that's true i was
wondering who it was who did the the thing he's some guy he's from australia the guy who did the the thing he's some guy he's from australia the guy who did all the you mean
new zealand yeah correct um a lot of people mispronounce that that's right um but yeah the
i actually put in when i was still working on the tv show i put on uh to be a dancer
because they were asking for volunteer dancers so i put in to be a dancer. And I got accepted, but the hours for it were so crazy.
Like, you had to go every Saturday and Sunday.
And it was, like, 10-hour days.
And it's all free.
There were a few different kinds of dancers.
But my favorite were just the people standing as the countries were coming in.
That's probably who I would have been.
Just grooving for three hours.
Just feeling the flow of each country.
Germany's here.
I'm going to do a robot.
They'll appreciate this.
Yeah, sure.
Because that's where robots come from.
Yeah, exactly.
Greeks are here.
I'm going to do a robot eating feta cheese.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, all the Greek listeners.
I honestly do not know any more about your country. Greeks are here. I'm going to do a robot eating feta cheese. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, all the Greek listeners. Doing another male robot.
I honestly do not know any more about your country.
Olympics and cheese.
I'm going to do a robot inventing democracy.
And then the big cauldron came out.
Yeah, well, there was a big every day in the paper
leading up to the opening ceremonies.
Who's going to light the torch?
It's probably going to be Wayne Gretzky.
It might be Terry Fox's mom.
And it might be...
Who was the other one?
Oh.
Elvis Stoico.
To spark the flame with his blades
and triple axes over it.
That would have been showmanship.
Rick Hansen.
I don't know who he was.
Rick Hansen, yeah.
Trevor Linden.
He had my vote.
Rick Hansen had my vote.
But it was Rick Hansen, Wayne Gretzky.
No, no.
Rick Hansen wasn't one of the four.
Rick Hansen handed it off.
Oh, he came in, handed it off to Nancy.
But he hung out there.
Yeah, he hung out there.
But he was like a potential, wasn't he?
I thought that was like the mystery is that they all came out and they all were standing there.
It's like, who's going to do it?
I think what was supposed to happen was they were all four supposed to, there were supposed to be four spikes came out.
Or were there supposed to be five?
Were there five Torchbearers?
If you count Rick Hansen.
So there's Rick Hansen, Nancy Green.
Yep, Senator Nancy Green-Rayne.
Wayne Gretzky.
Steve Nash.
Steve Nash.
And Katrina Lamedone.
Oh, Katrina Lamedone, that's right.
The donor.
And then who brought out the...
The boner donor.
She's not bad.
Well done.
It rhymes.
No, it makes sense.
That's a t-shirt.
If I don't see that at least once during the Olympic Games, somebody with a picture of her, like just the outline of her and just the boner.
Her with a boner in the middle of it.
Thank you, Kevin.
But when you fill it in, it's like hypercolor.
When you're hot, it fills in her shape and it's just like the tip of a skeet.
She's a speed skater. Okay, a tip of a ski she's got like just right at her speed skater
yeah okay the tip of her boot but the speed skate sounds like why does her dick have a blade on the
bottom yeah it'll just be her um just her silhouette because the uh like the nba logo
yeah yeah they need one for speed skaters so it'll be just let me donor but um so uh oh and the flag was terry fox's mom yeah
donald sutherland bobby or uh some other celebrity romeo de lair he's like oh yeah
so grim that guy's been through a lot so i was just like man he's like the most interesting
guy holding that flag honestly get your head in the game de laallaire. Who else was it? Was there another actor?
Yeah.
There were some oldies.
A lot of old people I'd never heard of.
Anne-Marie.
Oh, Anne-Marie.
That's who it was, Anne-Marie.
There she's waving,
all the death rumors aren't true.
Yeah.
This is Paul McCartney of Canada.
Simon Lebon of Canada
So then the
Torch thing fucked up
It broke
Yeah the cauldron was supposed to have a bunch of hydraulic
Thingies come out of the ground
But it didn't
Only three of the
Well first of all nothing came out
That was the first
That was the first snafu that I saw because I didn't catch Brian Adams.
So when they're all waiting there and then there was weird music cues
where they're just trying to fill time because the hydraulic torch
wasn't coming out of the ground.
Well, and also I'm like, hey, way to not try and conceal it at all
on your face, fellas.
Steve Nash looked like he was about to cry.
He was like, what are we going to do?
You looked like the Joker.
You had this Sinister smile
Like he had planned it
I stuck a basketball in the gears
Behind the back though
And then
Brian Williams at one point
Like cause they were like
They were gonna light the torch outside
And Brian Williams is like
He's the perennial Canadian
Olympic reporter guy
What's the American NBC guy?
Is his name also Brian Williams?
That's what I thought when you first said that.
Oh, Brian Williams.
Yeah, he's the nighttime.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like the news anchor.
So yeah, we have the perennial Olympic host in Canada.
Brian Williams.
That sounds nothing like it.
Yeah.
Anyways, he was stalling for time. And then he said, ridiculously, he was like,
I wonder if Gretzky's going to run the torch all the way down to the waterfront.
It's like about, it was, the route they took was about a mile long.
Yeah.
So he was going to just run in the pouring rain through crowds of people.
Waving the torch in front of him, get away, get away.
I'm the great one at burning your ass.
Well, he had Marty McSorley there to protect him.
That's a good hockey joke.
Really good hockey joke.
So yeah, they lit the torch inside.
And then Wayne Gretzky gets in the back of a Chevy truck.
And they drive through Vancouver with apparently no security.
No, and people running alongside the truck like screaming and yeah you could tell he was so embarrassed he was kind of
like yeah yeah anyway because people you're just like they're like he kind of looked terrified to
me yeah that's that's well like it was jfks that was my whole theesque. That was my whole...
The whole time I was thinking something,
some disgruntled somebody is going to throw something and this is going to be the worst.
But it didn't turn out that way.
Throw him into a bay window.
Yeah.
That's what I thought.
Well, I thought, because that's what exactly...
I was watching it on the streaming off the internet
and right as they were having that malfunction and it started to come up
In BC Place
It was at BC Place right? Yeah yeah yeah
As soon as it started coming up it cut out and it just stopped playing on CTV
I was like what? Right before the money shot
And then we ran down to like a local bar
And by that point Gretzky was
In the back of the truck so I was like oh man the whole thing
Totally fucked up and they couldn't light the torch
Now they're just like sending him to like their backup torch
In a truck. Yeah cause there was like You'd think that they're just like sending him to like their backup torch in a truck
yeah cause there was like
you'd think that they
would have like cops
everywhere
this whole city's
been covered in cops
they're sending him
to Home Depot
yeah
for a couple of wrenches
and some advice
for a bit of Arby's too
one of the four of you
has to go
Nash is like
I'm outta here
we bought these hydraulics
here
I think they're still
under warranty
we don't have the receipt.
I just cut the keys.
But part of it is him waiting for 20 minutes to talk to somebody.
I was like, but these are the screws I bought last time.
He goes, just try these screws.
I swear.
I'm going to make you come over and look at toilets with me.
And you're just like, talk to Gretzky.
Toilets aren't my department.
Oh, I'm not buying one.
I just want you to look at them with me.
But then I watched it.
I watched the American Feed as well later.
And they cut out that whole ride.
They went to commercial and suddenly he's running up to the outdoor torch.
The ride was more, I think, they just felt.
Because it didn't sound to me like anybody in the booth knew that that was going to happen.
That they were going to film this entire procession through the streets it didn't
seem like the announcers knew that that was the plan i didn't see it with announcers yeah so it's
just like uh anyways it was really weird and i was like why are they putting the this guy at so much personal risk yeah you know
like they surely there could have been some rig that they set up so that he wouldn't have had to
sit in the back of an open truck maybe like have some like instead of under lighting they just have
the slow release of like a mace that comes out like a little mace cloud that creates like a
perimeter some people run up to him they they're like, it hurts so much.
I love you, Wayne.
Maybe a Popemobile.
Yeah.
That would be the best.
Well, there was a part where he...
With a little chimney for the torch.
He can't be there in the torch, in the vacuum.
It's just slowly getting hotter and hotter.
He's like, ah.
That was my favorite part, though,
was when, I guess, when you go in and out of BC Place,
you have to walk through.
There's like doors that the whole roof is held up by air.
So you have to walk through this like decompression chamber.
So he was standing in it with the torch.
Waiting.
Yeah, waiting.
It was like if the torch had to go up an elevator or something to be passed off to someone else.
He's like, I'm Wayne Gretzky holding a torch in the decompression chamber.
Oh, he had to get like sprayed down because he was contaminated.
He lost.
See all these people in white suits?
Don't touch him!
So that was my favorite part.
Last night, I was at Yuck Yucks, the local comedy club, performing for...
Official comedy club of the 2010 games.
Yeah, as long as there's no fee for that.
Opening night of the Olympics.
And I said yes to this gig because I'm afraid if I ever say no to a gig, I won't.
Another one will never come along.
Fair enough. And I'm there again tonight ever say no to a gig another one will never come along fair enough
and I'm there again tonight, it's Saturday
if anyone wants to go back in time
and see me
so I
yeah, the first show
there were 21 people in the audience
but a good 21 people
in a club that seats 200
yeah
the tradition at this particular Yuck Yucks club, not necessarily all of them, is that they play Black Betty.
Whose thing's that?
I don't even know.
It's the...
Golden Earring.
But it's the Ram-a-Jam-a-Lam.
It's Ed Murray.
Yeah, Ed Murray.
Oh, Black Betty, blam-a-lam, just got me high, blam-a-lam.
I'm not dead yet.
So they play that at the beginning of the show.
Usually they blast it so that people who are carrying on kind of get the hint,
like, you will be overwhelmed by the sound system, so shut up.
The show's about to start, and you wrote me a text message.
I wrote a text message, which phil hanley was there it
was his observation he said 21 people black betty at full volume he's getting it blasted
ah we're already quiet i'm just reading books close the books and then uh after the uh after
my part of the show i went upstairs and watched uh and watched Wayne Gretzky running through the streets.
It was in the hotel lobby.
It was downtown.
People in the hotel were getting excited.
They were like, he's going to run by here.
Everyone started running outside.
You clearly saw him pass the street.
He was not going to turn down Berard.
They should have done like saddam
like doppelgangers spreading out through the city i'll look like wayne all these ways basically
like maybe like anne marie with like a wig if they would just keep the deception going or it's
like who's gonna light it they keep it going all the way to the end of the olympics no one's
chasing anne marie's truck she's like um one person i think
i think the reason it was a surprise is because they didn't want the the violent protesters to
kill wayne just just a thought um so yeah that was i did a one show for 21 people and then one
show for eight people some norwegian folk yeah i had some, some Norwegian folk. Five Norwegians got kicked out of the first show.
So it was for 21 people.
It ended up for 16.
That was devastating to the numbers.
Why did they get kicked out?
They were abusive.
Just heckling you in Norwegian.
I don't know what you're saying.
Just get hit with a fish.
Is this Assaulted Fish?
Did you say Assaulted with a fish? Yeah, fish? Did you say assaulted with fish?
No, I did not
You might as well have
Isn't that Norway?
No, it's Finland
I even guessed the wrong
Well, they'll have a pickled herring
Sure
But no, they didn't get kicked out
Until well after I was off stage
They were fine to me.
One woman said, like, it was such a small crowd, but like it was a great crowd.
And some people were laughing so hard that it was infectious to the other people.
So that was great.
That's good.
It's such a big place with 21 people in it.
And you would just hear someone keep laughing and then that
would make everyone else laugh. You know what infectious
is. And then the...
I know it in the disease context.
And then the drunkest of the Norwegians
at one point laughing so hard
just goes, I'm gonna throw up.
That's why she was kicked out.
Not in my club you're not.
You know what Norwegian puke looks like?
Yeah.
Acid.
Pickled herring. And schnapps.
So I guess that was getting to know me.
Graham, anything with you?
Well, just to keep going with the Olympic theme,
last weekend my brothers were here,
and following the podcast the next day, we went to go buy my brother's girlfriend a fake Cowichan sweater.
And we went to the bay.
They're very nice sweaters.
They are very nice sweaters.
I think a girl looks cute in that.
Yeah, why not?
Maybe not a man.
I don't think men are cute anymore.
Not all men.
No.
That little kid who was flying around in the opening ceremony was pretty cute.
Peter Pan of the Prairies.
But we went into the bay where...
The Hudson's Bay Company.
Yeah, where they...
That's the official merchandise place.
Through the smash window.
Yeah, we walked in through the smash window.
New entrance.
They just put a sign over top.
Boom, you helped.
Express entrance. They just put a sign over top. Boom, you helped. Express entrance.
And it was like, this was a full week before the opening ceremonies.
And it was like Boxing Day in there.
It was a madhouse.
Boxing Day for Americans, the equivalent is Black Friday.
Is that the equivalent?
Where it's just like a shopping mania? Yeah, that's the biggest shopping day of the year okay yeah so it was like that it was just there
was uh you know the nobody had any respect for folded garments um that's one thing i have a lot
of respect for vpd in there like refolding things making sure people think you keep things folded
thank you for police department and then uh i'm just catching everyone out he's translating thanks VPD in there, like refolding things and making sure people can keep things folded. Vancouver Police Department.
I'm just catching everyone up.
He's translating.
And so then my brother went in, got the thing
and then
he had to go to the cash, which was in a
separate area, to pay for it.
It's like a department store. It was in a department.
It is, but there was only one.
You couldn't take something out of there because you could only pay for it with a visa.
Oh, right.
So crazy.
Or trade for Samsung phones.
Yeah.
Here are three Samsung phones.
Here is your one glove.
Yeah, as many hauls as it is worth.
I think hauls are the official lozenge.
It's their debit card.
I think halls are the official lozenge.
So the other brother were waiting.
And while we were waiting, this guy walks in, no shoes, no socks, no top garments, just like no shirt, just a white. So service?
White, kind of like yoga pants, walks into the store. Were they filthy?
Not really, not particularly.
I was about to suggest it was Andrew
WK. He walks
in and right away we're like,
some crazy is about
to happen. And he walks in
very like he's just another
shopper. Then I see him go over
he just grabs the first jacket
it's a women's jacket he can
puts it on and then runs now it should be noted this guy like a kind of a dark-skinned gentleman
in the time we were standing there his skin like no less than six white people walked out
set the alarm off and were allowed to just completely go without having their bags checked or anything.
An alarm?
This guy.
Yeah, the store alarm that goes off.
It goes off all the time because.
So numerous white people glided out.
No problem.
This guy goes.
I mean, he was obviously stealing, but he was the only one that security even looked at.
But it was the only one that security even looked at.
Half of the people that were in the store area were undercover officers in the store,
all go out running after this guy. I love it.
I see a guy throw his Tim Hortons coffee on the ground and chase after this guy.
Like a squadron.
Are you sure they were undercover?
Absolutely.
They all had walkie-talkies.
And they all took off down the street.
Fucking gang-t tackled this guy.
Like, this guy is defenseless.
Drops the coat half a block away like, I give up.
No coat for me.
I would want to be tackled in a coat.
I wouldn't want to be tackled on the concrete shirtless.
He thought they would slip on the coat.
He made it four blocks down. Because this is on Seymour Street.
So he made it four blocks down.
It looked as if he was trying to get on the bus, and you could tell that the bus driver was like,
I want no part of this, and took off without other passengers.
Other passengers were like, get us on the bus.
So that was the exact kind of perfect...
I would have loved it if he made it on the
bus and that was his plan but the bus just didn't go anywhere it stopped half a block away
my brilliant plan get on the bus go to the back of the bus wave tauntingly at the people shaking
their fist stops half a block away and lets off people oh no shit he gets off he just keeps
running crosses the
street grabs a different bus comes back the other way and he stops across the street
another store steals another jacket just goes on and on all day collecting a mob of an undercover
plainclothes cops i would also like to point out that i'm uh quite tired because i didn't get home
from the comedy club until midnight last night.
Then I
had recorded the opening ceremonies.
So you had to watch them.
I had to watch them because I knew we would talk about them for 45 minutes.
You're in great detail.
And I was like, okay, I'll fast forward through
these opening ceremonies.
But I stopped
for every country.
I wanted to see their wacky outfits.
I fast forwarded through most of the
wire work, but I had to see every
song and watch every
lip sync. Baby, when you're gone.
During all that wire work,
you miss so many unimportant facts
where they're like...
All the useless details are like,
the dancers here are being lowered and raised at a rate of one meter per second.
Three of them are eunuchs.
Guess which one of them?
My mom's taking a bath right now.
I'm PVRing this for later.
I'll have to actually FedEx.
Oh, I'm sorry, Pure later.
It's the official sponsor.
The PVR to my mom after the show.
I mean, hauls.
There must be another official
courier sponsor.
I don't know. Purulator's only in Canada.
Is it? I think so, yeah.
They usually try to go big.
Or, you know, go home.
That's one thing I like
about these Olympics so far is how
all the different
companies are pandering to vancouver especially and just the olympics in general in their ads
like how everything's like shot in vancouver yeah like they're actually using it as vancouver
they're not like oh it's actually new york like they usually do with hollywood down the boston
market yeah um it's just like oh uh the um no I lost it. I like the Olympics.
Full statement.
Fine.
No, I don't have anything.
I seriously don't.
I was going to talk about, oh, no.
What I think would be great is if, like, a small mom and pop shop just got their money together.
Like Joe's Diner.
It was like, we're going to outbid McDonald's for an official restaurant.
And it's just someplace in the middle of nowhere.
I would like it if it was something where it was like, yeah, but something that we don't even have in Canada.
Like Popeyes or something like that.
Yeah, sure.
Fudruckers.
Fudruckers.
Official Olympic sponsor. Cross the border for Fudruckers Fudruckers Official Olympic sponsor
Cross the border for Fudruckers
Have you ever seen that
I think I've talked about it on the podcast
Idiocracy
Where they show the evolution of the name Fudruckers
Oh they do?
It starts as Fudruckers
And they show in the future
What it turns
Fudruckers then it turns to Rudfuckers, and then Buttfuckers.
That's really the best part of Idiocracy.
That and the term baitin'.
Get out of here, I'm baitin'.
Yeah, and well, really, the first half hour of that movie is excellent.
It is.
Oh my god, if that was all it was...
Hats off, Mike Judge. Hats off. Hats off, Maya Rudolph. Congrats on your film career. excellent it is oh my god if that was all it was uh hats off mike judge yeah hats off maya rudolph
congrats on your film career uh do we want to move on to overheard why not
overheard oh did you find the bathroom all right i didn't actually tell you what it was
just peed on the table it's just a bunch of magazines in the fridge
i had a friend who peed in the fridge. Really?
Sleepwalking.
When he was a kid.
What?
Poor vegetables.
Poor morning omelette.
I couldn't tell you the name of the friend.
I don't remember.
It was just the story.
The parents had to paint a fake fridge that he had to go into the toilet.
He opens the fake door and pees in the toilet. No, they had to buy a mini fridge and cut out the bottom and put it on top of the toilet. He opens the fake door and pees in it. No, they had to buy a mini fridge
and cut out the bottom and put it on top
of the toilet at night.
It's the only way he'll learn.
It's the only way he'll learn.
Alright, so
overheards, if you're
not a huge headphone
wearer in everyday life, you may
have the opportunity to listen to
perhaps you're in a restaurant. Perhaps you're
waiting for your meal to arrive and you hear the the opportunity to listen to, perhaps you're in a restaurant. Perhaps you're waiting for your meal
to arrive and you hear the booth
next to you saying something hilarious.
This is the forum for that thing.
You've never suggested a restaurant.
No, I know. 101.
Broadening my horizons.
A bus, a strip club,
a Uders.
For a second there, I thought you were about to describe two separate
places. If you're in a restaurant, if you're waiting for food
at a bus stop,
whatever you're doing,
you're in a restaurant.
At a place where you eat.
A place where there are waiters and waitresses.
If you've given an address that doesn't exist
to the Domino's pizza guy, you're waiting for him
in the bushes to attack him for his money.
And you overheard
the Domino's guy be like, I hope I don't
get attacked. That's hilarious.
Because it's ironic because he's about to get
attacked. Yeah, and he's rich.
That's where you're stealing from.
He's rich and eccentric. Because they're always able
to make change.
Take his bulletproof vest off of him.
And we like to always start with the guest.
It's not a bulletproof vest. It's just a thing.
It's a crazy stick vest. Yeah, it's a thing that keeps pizzas hot.
He just keeps the pizzas close to his body.
Heated by body heat.
Papa's body heat pizza.
All the pizzas are shaped like an undershirt.
That's the grossest idea.
Are the toppings inside the shirt or outside?
They keep them inside. That's where they keep warm. Is it like a bazon where the shirt or outside? They keep them inside.
That's where they keep warm.
Is it like a bazon where the shirt is stuffed with ingredients?
No, it's shaped like a shirt, but it just has two pepperonis for nipples.
It's called the Joel Schumacher shirt.
I don't know.
I don't get it.
That's a Batman reference.
They put nipples on us.
Robin Batman forever.
Oh, right, right, right.
And also Lost Boys.
We found out that Kiefer Sutherland has nipples on us. Robin, Batman Forever. Oh, right, right, right. And also... Lost Boys. When we found out
that Kiefer Sutherland
has nipples.
Flatliners.
Exactly the same
as Donald Sutherland's.
Do you believe?
Fluke.
And at the opening ceremonies.
Through his mesh shirt.
He insisted on wearing it, guys.
He was wearing a pizza shirt.
A shirt of pizza.
Sponsored Papa's body. T-shirt pizza. Papa's shirt pizzas. A shirt of pizza. We should sponsor Papa's body.
T-shirt pizza.
Papa's t-shirt pizza.
Cooked my body.
We are idiots.
Papa Murphy's t-shirt pizza.
Yeah, take and bake.
It's pret a manger.
That's French for...
Pret a manger.
That's the...
You can get either Pret a manger
Or hot couture
Well done
That one's for Isaac
He's Rahi
Okay so Kevin
Let's start with you
In the overheard realm
I've got one overheard
I live in an apartment
It's a second floor apartment
And it looks over
And the address
It is 666 Satan Boulevard.
What?
Up your butt.
Wow.
I just said six again.
Kevin's my new favorite guest.
So I live at an address that's on the second floor and we overlook this kind of hangout
spot where a bunch of like old wizened dudes and um we said you're wizened wizened like do you mean
they're like wizened in the alley yeah oh yeah the wizard in the alley happens and um they're
all just kind of gnarly old dudes definitely some drug dealings happening there yeah um and one day
um at my apartment um and i overhear like a cooking something, and I overhear from the alley,
Hey, hey, come back here.
I try to be nice to you.
I try to be nice to you, and you go like that?
Huh?
Come on.
Come on, man.
Let's dance.
What kind of body you got?
What kind of body you got?
I said that, and I looked out the window, and it's this like tiny guy in this huge tracksuit
yelling at like a 50-year-old man trying to get his double-parked car out that he had double-parked in.
Obviously, a 50-year-old man probably was like, who parked my car, you jerk?
And then that guy's like, I tried to be nice.
You were fat.
Let's dance.
What kind of body you got?
Well, he's a 50-year-old man, so it's a shitty body.
He wasn't like Jack LaLanne.
He wasn't all ripped or something.
That's a hot body.
Yeah, and it went on for so long until my girlfriend, she's good at yelling at them.
Because I think if I yelled, he would have been like, what kind of body you got?
And I'd be like, it's also shitty.
A 50-year-old man body.
I can't even close this window.
But your girlfriend shakes a mean macaroni stick?
No, what are you?
Rolling pin.
A French bread.
Viva la resistance.
A pizza t-shirt.
Do you...
Like, I live in not a great neighborhood.
You apparently live among drug dealers.
I call it convenient.
No, I'm just kidding.
That was a dumb laugh.
Sorry.
Taken big.
I wonder what my parents... Like like they've never expressed any concern.
Once my dad's friend was over and he was like, oh, where are you living?
And I told him and I was like, it's not a great neighborhood.
And he was like, well, it's age appropriate.
Yeah.
Well, because like when you're, I think, isn't that the thing?
When you're young, like you can live in a dive and you can live in, I think, isn't that the thing? When you're young, you can live in a dive.
I think your tolerance for it probably plateaus at some point, and then it gets fairly desperate.
Yeah, I mean, it's not dangerous.
No, not like Michael Jackson's album, Dangerous.
Sure, yeah.
Oh, that song, Jam?
Oh, that song Jam?
Actually, in my neighborhood, I live across from a Russian Orthodox church.
And it's not like a big church.
It's on a street with just houses, and it's probably the smallest house on the street.
It's actually somebody's house.
They're doing that to get the tax break.
Yeah, but they have one of those weird Kremlin tops.
Kremlin?
Yeah, Kremlin tops. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's the name of that?
Like a spire?
Yeah, like a meringue.
Yeah, yeah, I gotcha.
And so any stalkers, feel free.
You're getting closer.
There's an apple tree in the yard.
You're getting closer.
There's an apple tree in the yard.
But there were some Russian tourists this morning who came by and took pictures of it.
And that's like the Olympics.
You see a lot of European tourists here taking pictures of garbage.
Well, and I imagine I've done the same thing when I'm a tourist.
Like I'm taking pictures of something that they're like, why is he taking a picture of our skankiest nightclub?
But it looks like an old building on the front.
Well, that's what happened.
I was in France once and I just found myself there.
You woke up there? I went up a butthole and I was in France.
Yeah, at 666 Satan Street.
Or Cisse, Cisse, Cisse.
Roquefoisine Street.
Cisse, Satan.
Roquefoisine Street.
He's not from France.
Anyway, I was there, and we're in this exchange.
We're in some small town, and there was a dry cleaning place that my friend and I were like,
that's amazing.
And the guy who was our house stay guy was like, what do they think it's great about and the name of it
pressing balzac and he had no he did not get it even though he's practicing his english and we
should have been like first thing you gotta learn balzac hilarious anything with balzac in it uh
tomorrow morning is uh sunday morning and i'm really curious if there will be an influx of Russians coming to this church.
For all you know, that church is the most famous Russian church abroad.
It might be, but it's tiny.
And they have service on Sundays at 11, but people show up two hours early.
on Sundays at 11,
but people show up two hours early.
And service is at 11 because they start ringing the bells at 1045.
That's how I know.
But during the service,
people are just...
I assume there's people inside,
but people are wandering the garden.
Oh, okay.
Your garden?
No, no, theirs.
The beer garden.
The traditional Russian church beer garden.
But there's probably more Russians in town than any other delegation.
I was saying, their uniforms are, like, their kind of everyday wear track suits are easily the most hideous of anybody at the games.
Because the one I saw, I don't know,
what do they look like? It's kind of like an orangey-pink
color, and it's got like a
splashy... Is it like Canada's
China uniforms?
Very similar, to the point that I was like,
why are we wearing our old China uniforms?
And then I saw them all
singing Little Less Conversation. Oh, that's right,
Dolph Lundgren's not Russian.
The guy I saw, the Russian guy I saw
in the tracksuit,
not wearing that tracksuit.
He was wearing
a bootleg tracksuit.
Really?
He must have.
It was like white
and it just said
Russian on the back,
but it was like
a full-on tracksuit.
The ones I've seen
have been kind of like
almost like a fuchsia.
I haven't seen the ugly ones
that you've described.
I think they have a variety.
Ooh.
Sunday's three varieties.
But they,
yeah, there's more Russians
Because they're hosting the next Winter Olympics
So they sent all their
Olympic people
Oh yeah that was something too
And they rented out Science World
So Science World is closed
Yeah that's the Russian pavilion
So you go in and you're like I want to learn about science
And they're like you'll learn about Sputnik
And that is it
You'll learn about the injections We gave like you'll learn about sputnik and that is it you'll learn
about the uh injections we gave dolph lundgren and rocky for you'll learn about the pads we put
on his chest while he ran on a treadmill meanwhile rocky was you know chopping wood yeah he was
helping out a sleigh yeah lifting logs is his euphemism for un-pooing.
That's, yeah, for cleaning up his mess that he left.
Well, no, it's a vacuum, yeah.
It's a big butthole.
Anyway, so I'm a little bit gentle. Well, you live off a butthole.
That was one of the things that I noticed when they were in the very opening spiel of the opening ceremonies.
They listed all the cities that have hosted the
olympics and except for salt lake city and i think seoul yeah no no no no not seoul that was the
summer yeah uh there was another calgary maybe what what yeah i need to hear this i didn't
recognize any of the names oh like they were all like this will help put us on the map but there
was a lot of places that i'm like, I've never heard
of these places before. Yeah, it's been like
Alberville and
San Moritz twice. San Moritz, and then
there was another one, something... Garmisch
Park in Kirchen? Yeah.
What?
There was one, I can't, it
almost sounded like it was a park. Like, it was like
Deer Lake Park. And I'm like,
well, I'm mishearing oh
ricky spaghetti's land or what's the ricky spaghetti what's the the um lake in new york
that had the 1980 games oh uh lake placid lake placid yeah oh yeah lake placid was one of them
yeah it had it twice i think um yeah none of these places are famous, but it's weird that they...
Wasn't Lake Placid the one with the alligator?
Yeah, with Betty White.
The alligator and Betty White as a bobsled team.
They were the mascots, Betty White and an alligator.
We're the mascots of the last Lake Placid games.
That'd be awesome.
But they, yeah.
And the weird thing is all these places built 30,000 seat stadia.
Yeah.
Stadia, plural.
And there's no reason for those.
They will sit empty unless there's competitive, you know.
Highline tournament that needs somewhere to compete.
Or competitive wire work.
Dave, do you have an overheard?
I sure do.
All right.
I went,
I had to go downtown four times,
three times so far this weekend,
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday,
because I was in a comedy competition
where I came in a respectable second.
I was the judge one of the nights.
I was cheating.
I had him first.
You were wrong.
Yeah.
That explains how I came in second.
It was the bell curve.
But, you know, you came out first.
You had automatic points.
Because I was like, whoever comes out first gets automatic points.
I didn't know you were first, though.
I had to go first two nights in a row.
Damn.
Yikes, guys.
Who won?
Darcy Michael.
Darcy Michael, also very funny.
It was a good show all around,
except that there was nobody there
because of the Olympics.
Yeah, and the people that were there
were really drunk Americans
that hooted in the middle of every joke.
USA! USA!
So I went downtown three times
I will go downtown again tonight
Why not?
In the thick of it
The thick of the night
And usually
I didn't drive last night
I drove the first two nights
Because I was a little afraid
That with all the olympics in
town you wouldn't be they tell people don't drive yeah it's gonna be crazy downtown arrive alive
don't drive yeah and then you go downtown and everyone's heeded the warning and there's plenty
of parking yeah it's really ghost town kind of uh except for the drunks drunks have managed to
yeah and the spooky way It's not spooky.
It's true. It's not so much a ghost town.
It's a parking ghost town.
And I double parked because I
tried to show off what kind of body I had.
We're getting bogged down in semantics, guys.
Second place.
So, yeah.
But the first night I parked really far away
Because I assumed there would be no parking closer
And I walked
And I brought my iPod
But there was so much going on
I didn't feel like listening to it
So I listened to the voices around me
And there was
It's bathing in them
Yeah
I like to really weave a tail here guys
spin a yarn uh there was a guy waiting at a bus stop talking on a cell phone and uh i imagine he
was talking to his wife or girlfriend or someone he wanted to say i love you too but didn't quite
know how to say i love you so he said check your email tomorrow and you'll how to say I love you. So he said, check your email tomorrow
and you'll see I say I love you.
Aww.
That's like ditto from Ghost.
Yeah.
Like if he's going to prove
that when he's in Whoopi Goldberg's body
that it's actually him,
he'll get her to say, check your email.
He's not like, I want to say I love you, but I'm passing it
to a guy at the bus stop to say I love you and then back to me
again. I'm going to send it from my own email account.
No, I'm not
getting him to type it. I already said
it. The email is sent.
I can't unsend the email.
It says I love you.
If you figure out a way to unsend an email,
send me an email about it from the future, because you're in the
future where you can unsend emails. But I
refuse to say I love you right
now, because that would be faggy.
The only thing I love too, but I lied.
Who's that?
Michael Poulton. And also
from a side dish commercial.
Side kick side dishes commercial.
Really? A little salt shaker that goes outside
and cries salt. Oh, that's
cute. That's actually
in the top half of
advertising. Yeah. Oh, easily.
Although it's a little confusing
because the S on the salt shaker
is the same S as is on a Skittle.
Yeah, but then if he cried
Skittles, then it would be really confusing.
It would be so confusing. He'd be like, am I tasting the rainbow
for dinner? Skittle shaker?
Yeah, am I supposed to put that on my mashed potatoes.
On my pizza t-shirt.
My overheard actually comes courtesy of that comedy competition, because I can't remember my other overheard.
But this made me laugh out loud.
You heard me laugh at it.
Yeah.
Was during the competition, past guest Jane Stanton was on stage and like the audience had really calmed down the
the American contingent had been told shut up or we'll kick you out which
would have been at least a fifth of the audience but at one point Jane tells a
joke where she's walking and her thighs are rubbing together and it sounds like
snow pants and the guy in front of me just like unbridled enthusiasm just
yelled out snow pants it's the only time i really
laughed i gave him actually i had him as the winner yeah you were a close number two after
guy who yelled snow you didn't laugh the whole night i guess you've seen everyone's act i've
seen everybody's act multiple times but that guy brought a fresh new take to it that i never had
seen before pair him and jane stanton up, they just go from show to show
every time.
Snoop Bands!
He's the hype man.
Honey roasted peanuts!
Whatever can explain a joke.
So that was me.
We have some written in
overheards.
Do we?
We sure do, Dave.
You guys cut away to an edit of it?
Oh, we'll cut away.
We'll just mocap them in.
Yeah, sure.
We'll New Zealand them in.
I'm so sourced in New Zealand.
I got a lot of phone calls to play, too.
Okay.
I love those.
Phone calls are the best.
Yeah, they're there.
People read them.
The cheapos that just mail it in.
I know, right?
Not properly italicizing.
Buy a phone card.
Not properly italicizing the emphasis words.
Yeah, you're like, what are you talking about?
How do we know to read it like that?
I'm sorry, which word was emphasized there?
King a bot.
That was italicized.
All right. emphasized there uh king about that was that was italicized all right um the first one comes
courtesy of peter r in chicago wow wendy city deep dish the t-shirt pizzas yeah yeah
those are long sleeve you'll never find your pin in our deep dish pizza t-shirt chicago the place
where they found the fugitive in the movie The Fugitive because they had an elevated train.
The first time that you brought the idea that the t-shirt pizza might have a pocket in it.
Yeah, it's a pizza pocket.
T-shirt pizza pocket.
It's got dipping sauce in the pocket.
I love this idea so much.
It's so great.
Let's call the food jammers.
Says, hey guys, went to see Dear John last night.
I'm not sure that that's a thing that you just play off.
Yeah, I think that's the overheard right there.
He's bragging.
He's bragging.
And overheard this great bit from the woman behind me.
Dear John, I want to eat your face.
What?
Scariest text message in the world.
Dear John is the Channing Tatum movie starring Channing Tatum.
The synopsis that I read online for that was like,
Man comes home from war, dates a conservative woman.
I was like, what?
There doesn't seem to be much conflict there.
About right, yeah.
I support the war you're involved in.
Awesome.
Write me a letter about it, bitch.
Call me John.
Now,
there used to be a TV show called Dear John
in the late 80s
starring Judd Hirsch,
I want to say.
Yep, you're correct.
I remember the theme song because I sang it
in front of my class.
Do you remember it still?
We had our principal was leaving.
Our principal was retiring, Mr. Richardson,
and nobody, I guess our teacher was like,
okay, we're doing a big thing for the principal.
We're having an assembly,
and every class is going to do something.
And his name's John Richardson. And I was i was like oh we should sing the theme from
dear john dear john dear john by the time you read these lines i'll be gone uh and the class
loved it they're like that's the best idea and i was like nah let's not do that it's dumb let's write our own rap song
based on the seven dwarves
a rap song version of that song
yeah put a rap break in it
dear John
alright this is
I got a beautiful voice
really it's
okay sorry I can't
sorry alright this is from yeah right this is from Okay, sorry. I can't... Sorry!
You guys are just calling your overheard.
Yeah, right?
This is from Kala...
Kala?
Kala M?
Yeah, Kala M.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
I was recently in Terrace, B.C.
I was in the hot tub of the rec center one day
and noticed a younger fella, very early 20s,
with possibly the best worst tattoo ever. Just above his ass
he had a tramp stamp.
Which, okay.
Rendition of a rather large
wooden post sign that said
wrong way.
No butt sex for this guy.
He basically,
in his sexual part, just lets them roam around.
Let the sign work on his body, tell him where to go.
Sure, yeah. On his stomach,
slow down. Just follow the directions on the back.
Slow down.
Berard Skytrain.
Reach around.
Juggle.
Juggle.
Shave show.
Pressing Balzac.
Wirework.
Dear John Grease
Just grease
S-E
Fed on my face
We need to fill a lot of time
Graham's not much of a reader
Usually I edit out these lulls
The lull is him googling the words
That are in the email
I don't understand a lot of these words.
I'm sounding them out
mostly phonetically.
My name is Ellington, and one time
he's relating one of the times when a kid
sassed him off.
Ellington?
Don't say his last name.
I won't. I didn't.
It's a very, like, Ellington
whatever his last name is. Is this his first name? like, Ellington, whatever his last name is.
Is this his first name?
Yeah, Ellington. It might as well be Rothschild.
It's a very...
Oh, it's a very posh name.
Yeah.
Velvet Face.
Yes.
But yeah, he said, my name is Ellington one time.
He might as well be the third.
There was this 13-year-old that was making fun of me, and I say, shh. And he says, yeah?
Well, you can suck it.
And pivots just to fart right in my face and lets out a triumphant, ha!
Imagine if he said, suck it, and turned and then it just whiffed on the fart, and he would go, oh!
Imagine if that had happened.
I can't.
Imagine a world where you can imagine that could happen.
That's very similar
to my being farted in the face story.
Sorry, Ellington. You're stealing
my life. Stop
stealing my life.
Yeah, but
you know what? I think any story where a kid
farts in another guy's face is pretty funny.
It's a win-win situation.
That kid grew up?
Marie Doan.
Sorry, Katrina LeMay Doan.
LeMay Doan, that's it.
I forgot her name.
Yeah.
What did you call her?
The Doan?
Marie Bone.
Steve Bone.
All right, this is from Shane M.
I was in the line at the cafeteria across the street from my work when I overheard a
man and a woman at a nearby table discussing their meals. The woman asked the man, how's the chicken wrap? To which
he responded, looking very upset, super shitty. They don't know how to make a wrap. It's like
they took a bunch of ingredients and just rolled them up in a tortilla. The woman just stared
blankly at the man until he said, what? There was a lengthy, awkward pause before she told him, just eat your soup.
Pretty good.
How's the sandwich?
Oh, shitty.
They put meat between bread.
They put meat and veggies and they put this weird sauce on it.
How's the pasta?
It's shitty.
It's like flat in a noodle form.
And this last one comes courtesy of Ellie L.
Oh, I know her.
You know her.
Whose dog you are babysitting this weekend?
We're dog sitting.
Ellie Anna L's dog.
Yeah.
Let's keep things private.
Yeah, exactly.
Let me down.
Finally, you got the name right.
On the way home last night, passing a few drunken jock types,
I caught just a snippet of their conversation.
One guy says to his two buddies,
Yeah, I've been trying to train this girl how to do that.
His friends laugh.
He continues,
I know it's possible.
I've done it before.
Jesus.
So those are just a sample of overheards.
If you want to write to us, you can write to us.
I'll teach your girlfriend how to do it.
Just think about baseball.
Think about ring it.
Just squeeze your thumb in your fist.
What?
Just write your MP.
If you want to write to us,
you can write to us at
stoppodcastingyourself
at gmail.com.
Dave?
Yeah?
Do we have some called in
over here? Oh, yeah!
Hello, Dave, Graham,
and guest. Last time I called and said that
and there was no guest and I felt
pretty silly, so hopefully you guys have one now.
I have an overheard for you.
I was at the gas station the other day
and the guy at the pump next to me was on the phone
and he seemed kind of
nervous or upset,
and I think I might know why.
Here's what he said.
He said,
Baby, can you please start your period?
So, yeah.
I need you to concentrate here.
I know you've been holding off
because we have that big meeting on Friday
with the period police.
I want you to turn off the TV,
shut your eyes,
and really concentrate on this.
I know you're afraid
that if you have it,
they won't let you on a plane.
They won't let you train that bear.
Yeah, or get on that shark tank.
Or go swimming.
Or be an undercover cop
at the eBay.
An undercover cop
with a white pants squadron.
With the leisure suits.
Wow.
Then he's requesting it.
I've submitted it in written request.
I have emailed it.
You're giving me nothing but red tape.
No pun intended.
That's what ladies call it, right?
I'm all tied up in red tape
I got a visit from Ant Tape
I'm all wrapped up in a red ribbon
Periods
Yeah, periods everybody
Mother Nature
Hey Dave and Graham
And possible guest
It's Katie from Minnesota
And I have an overheard that my roommate told me about.
She works in the school in North Minneapolis,
and she works mostly with the fifth graders
and troubled youths.
And today she told me about a teacher that she works with
who she overheard admonishing a student
who I guess had gotten into a lot of trouble that day.
Yeah, the teacher had just about enough of it, so she said to the kid,
from here on out, I want to be on you like a bee on a turd.
I don't think I've ever heard that before,
but I guess you can't say, like, stink on shit to a fifth grader,
so bee on a turd it is.
Well, that kid's going to be completely backwards on the pollination process
for probably most of her life.
Or for the rest of it, like, 20 years later, he's going to be, like,
thinking of it and be like, wait a minute, I've never seen a bee on a turd.
She was saying she was going to leave me alone if I kept fucking around.
God damn it!
Why was I so uneducated?
Do you remember?
Education, get some.
The more you know.
He's going to tour schools and tell that story.
He'll be like, don't be like me.
20 years later, regretting your entire life.
I could have screwed around so much.
Do you remember when you were a kid and you were in school and you'd get in a lot of trouble?
Yeah.
Like more than once a day?
Yeah. That's why she just, like, more than once a day. Yeah.
I don't know if, like, when I was in elementary school, I remember one time I was, maybe it
was like grade two or grade three, and you were sitting in those desks where the chair
is connected to the desk by a metal.
Yeah.
Well, some of the, later on, your chair's not.
University.
Yeah.
No, that's the one I'm thinking of.
Something's just still connected there.
But I was sitting in the desk, and I was horsing around.
The teacher was not interested and kept yelling at me.
But for some reason, I was on a real hot streak.
I was getting some really good laughs.
Yeah, keep going.
I just let it ride.
So I just kept going.
And the teacher, I think, had one of those moments,
probably one of those moments when you explain to a judge
where you're like, everything went black,
where the teacher grabbed my desk
and pushed me and the desk through the classroom
and out the door into the hallway.
I was sitting in the desk. So pushed and out the door into the hallway. I was sitting in the desk.
So pushed the whole unit out of the class.
He said, you're not coming back and slammed the door.
It would have been amazing if you'd kept going in the hallway and all the janitorial staff
gathers around you.
They're like, woo, woo, woo.
Like cheering you on.
Let's race them.
He's going on tour.
And they just push you into a geography class and you just keep ripping.
Chicken fights.
You just see through that top glass in the window all these toilet paper rolls flying through.
What's the most trouble you ever got in in school, Kevin?
One thing that's close but so fucking dumb.
I was a pretty big goody two-shoes in school.
And there was a time in high school I was afraid of trouble.
Just getting in trouble, getting spoken to
by an authority figure was terrifying.
And so
I basically discovered music the year before.
And this was like grade 8 or something.
And I was in Madame Berube's
French science class.
And I was looking around
and I was like, around and i was like
fuck it i'm gonna let everyone know how awesome i think green day is
i don't have a podcast i don't have a blog i'm gonna write it on this desk and i wrote
green day rules and like the tiniest writing in like ballpoint pen that you could have licked
your thumb and been like gone history of, gone. The history of Kevin's fandom of Green Day erased forever.
You really like that hidden track
about masturbating.
Dookie, dookie.
So, yeah,
I got in trouble.
I got sent to the principal or something.
Your student career went kerplunk.
Oh, my God.
Oh, you like that
song about masturbation? Why do you masturbate in front of the entire class?
You love it so much.
And I went, I don't want to.
And then she's like, what are you doing?
And I just stood up from a desk already masturbating.
Yeah, Katrina LeMay donor boner.
Did she make you wash all the desks that was that was the big punishment in my
school i think it was something like that like really like stay yeah get some comet and stay
late and wash all the desks i remember one time i had to wash a desk and uh did you ever have those
desks that had like a little divot where you put a pencil yeah yeah yeah well no like there was
somebody i know who had like you know purposely
made it super black yeah and so i just spent the entire time of cleaning desks getting the black
out so when the person came back it was like shiny like wood again so angry because that was like a
year's worth of blackening they had done yeah but i don't like that the most i had ever gotten in
trouble was uh our teacher No, our principal.
Not Mr. Richardson, his replacement.
We're going way back.
We're doing all my elementary school principals.
Mr. Richardson left in grade three.
In grade four through seven, we had Mr. Talmanus.
Okay.
And he was like this big, bald, tough guy.
And he would just point at you with his middle
finger if you were in trouble pointing you with the middle finger then switch the middle finger
up like he was giving you the finger whoa and he would just beckon you over oh he knew what he was
doing yeah oh he knew man oh man that guy sounds like a cartoon villain and he uh bald with a huge
beard and just mean looking.
Yeah.
But his name on all the forms he would send home, like the announcements to your parents,
he would sign it Andy Talmanis.
And I just thought Andy was so funny.
And in grade five, once he came into our class and I just went, hey, Andy.
And he was not having it.
Yeah.
He gave you the double barrel finger
come over here
we had a talk in the hallway
what kind of a talk is that
don't call me Andy
something about respect
we spoke earlier about respect
I forgot what I had to do
it's hard to respect him when the I in his last name
is signed with a little heart
he's one of those people yeah he was a It's hard to respect him when the I in his last name is signed with a little heart on top.
He's one of those people.
Yeah, he would say, Andy, sweet as candy.
Would be his sign-off on his email.
Overheards. All right.
Hi, this is Mary from Los Angeles, and I have an overheard.
It's from a couple of years ago, but I love this story.
A few years ago, I was doing a midnight bike ride through L.A.
with this kind of like outlaw biker club.
Anyway, that's a whole other story.
We're riding down the streets, and suddenly these two guys come up next to me, and they're kind of stoner-looking guys, and they're having this quasi-philosophical discussion.
And then one guy says to the other, dude, you know what would make this conversation so much better?
And the other guy says, you know what would make this conversation so much better? And the other guy says, no, what?
And the first guy says, if we finished it when we were high.
Right.
And then they stopped talking.
I thought it was hilarious.
So love your show.
Thanks.
What happens is they smoke weed.
Put a pin in it.
They smoke weed, and then they just forget the conversation entirely.
What was that conversation we were having?
I'm starving.
What if there was a t-shirt made of pizza you get the rolling pin i think that's the uh drug equivalent to what graham and i do which is whenever he's telling me a good story
you're like save it for the podcast and then we forget because we're so high on the drugs
totally hdB this place.
Hot dogs.
Oh, not the pencil gauge?
Nope.
Hello, this is Jane from Chicago with an overheard.
While I was waiting for the train this morning, the L,
I overheard a guy telling another guy about his
dream the night before. He said
he had a dream that was
better than Avatar.
And in the dream,
Daniel Day-Lewis
was the star.
That's it?
That's it.
So basically this guy was dreaming about
Avatar but better acted
No I was going to say there will be blood
I was like you were just dreaming about a better movie
Than Avatar starring Daniel Day-Lewis
My avatar's left foot
Last of the Mohicans is kind of like Avatar
Yeah
You've seen Avatar right?
It's basically the same
Get ready
I don't
There's going to be a sequel What is the sequel going to be about? It's basically the same. Get ready.
There's going to be a sequel.
What is the sequel going to be about?
I hope it takes another 12 years.
I hope I'm dead.
Oh, yeah.
God.
I'm not looking for... It's going to be in 4D.
I have a similar movie overheard where I was in a cafe and this guy was talking about movies.
And it's one of those things where the guy does not realize his own volume.
And so he's taking over the entire cafe like no matter what
conversations you're having cafe that's where that expression comes from these guys are usually the
biggest idiots where they don't they misquote things where he's like he's like oh have you
seen he's talking about the road right and then he's like basically like describing it's supposed
it's all about about big o martin it's all about... About Viggo Mortensen.
It's all about compassion.
It's basically about compassion and teaching his kid
how to kill people.
It's like Zombieland.
I'm like, I don't think that's it.
And then he's like, have you seen No Country for Old Men?
And they're like... That's the thing.
He's so loud that you can't hear that he's talking to anybody else.
Because they're all talking at normal volume.
So he's like, no country for old men?
Brilliant movie.
Brilliant movie.
There's a psychopath played by Benicio Del Toro that's just so crazy.
And it's Javier Bardem.
He just names some other kind of stridey ethnic guy or whatever.
Played by Penelope Cruz.
We can see him pinching the bridge of his nose under his tiny,
small circle glasses, being like, so brilliant.
So many people do not appreciate cinema.
Blowing smoke
up his own... You know it's 24 frames per second.
Blowing smoke up his own
666 rude to Satan.
I was watching
this thing that a guy had put together,
kind of a highlight reel of clips of movies of the 2000s.
And it dawned on me that Nicholas Cage is the one actor that has been absolutely brilliant in half of his films and in the other half utterly unwatchable.
Because they show clips from Adaptation and Matchstick Men.
That's the one that came to mind. I can't think of any others. What's Matchstick Men? Have youation and Matchstick Men. That's the one that came to mind.
I can't think of any others.
What's Matchstick Men?
Have you ever seen Matchstick Men?
It's him and Sam Rockwell.
And Alison Lohman.
Yeah, and he's great in it.
He's been great in a lot of things.
He was great in Lord of War.
And then he's...
I haven't seen the sequel to Bad Lieutenant, but I heard he's insane in it.
Lord of War was a movie he did in, oh, 2005, 2006.
And it had the Jeff Buckley version of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, which we mentioned.
Oh, that was in that?
Yeah.
Okay.
When his life's falling apart.
And I had never heard the song before, and I was like, wow, it's a great movie.
That was the year i discovered music
and green day you're like nicholas cage rules uh so that's it for overheards but we got uh
we have a couple calls uh what well i know we got drunk dialed you said we got drunk really
oh my god are we gonna do we get to hear it let's play that let's play that is there gonna be a
theme song for drunk dials oh yeah do you there gonna be a theme song For drunk dials
Oh yeah
Do you wanna sing
A theme song for drunk dials
Cause we do have
A bunch more drunk dials
I'll have to dig them up later
But if you wanna make
A theme song
I'll do it now
When I was a child
Didn't know what a phone was
Never tasted liquor either
But one day
When I grew up Put two and two together.
Drunk Dials.
Telling my girlfriend to start her period.
Drunk Dials.
Telling my friend he looks like a wolf man.
Drunk Dials.
Calling Future Shop and asking for best buy.
Drunk Dials.
Drunk Dials.
I don't know.
I could be part of it.
Yeah, there was a good chunk in there.
There's some chunks in there.
My favorite was that you started it and said,
just kidding, after the second line.
And then continued.
Oh, continued, yeah.
You tried and stopped kidding after a while.
Stopped kidding.
If you put his voice through the sound effect of calling through a phone,
that would even be...
Don't tell me how to do my job.
Hey, I'm just saying.
You could auto-tune me.
Put me in some pitch
Hello, Stop Podcasting Yourself
This is Arden from Chicago
And this is a drunk call for you
I am calling from a bar where we are watching
The Vancouver Olympics opening show
And a giant bear just came out
And it looks like it needs a big hug
And I just
I want to know why
I want to know what happened Vancouver
please tell me
we love you but you have some problems
why
let us know why
okay my friend's probably going to call
with an overheard now
was it her
I just overheard my friend talking about a bear.
She was like, why? Why?
She wouldn't stop saying, why?
What do you mean, why?
We have sad bears up here.
The planet's falling apart, people.
And have you seen an opening ceremony?
It doesn't need to make sense.
It's interpretive. It's interpretive dance.
It's meant to make you go, why?
I think we sort of discussed this for a moment.
It's meant to make you go, why?
I think we sort of discussed this for a moment.
Have you seen the Alaskan hockey team with the polar bear?
Have you seen their new one?
No.
Where he's flying the jet?
What is this?
What?
I guess it's an Alaskan hockey team, and it made the rounds on the internet.
The Malamutes.
Was it?
No.
But it was the- The Ulu yeah i did i worked in alaska
i worked in alaska oh really doing what yeah i worked for three summers uh for a cruise company
in the middle of alaska denali national park middle of alaska yeah it's like between it's
closer to it's between anchorage and fairbanks but it's like closer to fairbanks you mean north
to south middle yeah like it will like and whenever i say cruise companies people ask
didn't go up a river.
Yeah.
It was like smack dab in the middle.
No, people cruise up to Alaska and they take a train around and stuff like that.
Wow.
It's basically like old people's journey of realization that they're so old.
That they enjoy cruising.
They enjoy cruising, but they don't enjoy a rocky terrain, rough, unhewn Alaska.
Unhewn.
The Ulu knife is the thing
it's kind of like a rounded blade
I have one at home
for killing
Graham has a big knife collection
one of the weird things about him that you probably
couldn't have guessed
a lot of Lord of the Rings paraphernalia
no my mom sent it back they went on an Alaskan
cruise in San Fernando
you actually have an Ulu knife
she just likes palindrome knives.
Well, you have to see this thing.
It's a hockey team, and they came up with this video as an intro before the team skates
out on the ice.
And the first one I don't really remember is a polar bear flying in outer space.
No, it's fucking a bear.
This one takes it to another level. Oh, wow.
Where it blows up the whole planet.
Really? Go Ulu knives.
Do we have another
photo?
Last week we spoke about...
I had a job interview
for the Flava Flav TV show.
Script supervisor.
It was a writer's assistant.'s assistant john and kate plus flay yeah it's uh and it was the premise is he was brothers
with uh his well he's a brother anyway uh hanging with the brothers to be hooked yeah he was he was
with a joey lawrence matth Matthew Lawrence, and that little kid Lawrence.
Martin Lawrence.
And Tobey Maguire.
Flavor Flav has been in jail for a while.
He gets out and he's living with his...
In the TV show.
Oh, this is a fictional show.
I thought it was another reality show.
No, no, no.
Was it pre-reality show or post?
Post.
Okay.
Do it in post.
He plays a character named Lil' Cal, I believe.
Or Clocky.
And he's living with his posh brother, for whom he took the fall.
And so that's why he's been in prison.
And his brother has succeeded.
So is this like the West Wing or is it like Fresh Prince of Bel-
It's like Fresh Prince of Bel-
Okay.
Sounds like the West.
It sounds dramatic.
It's like he comes back and it's all dramatic.
It's the West Wing!
So here's a call about that.
Oh.
Hey, Graham and Dave.
This is Andy from Los Angeles.
On your last podcast, you were talking about Flava Flav and his sitcom so I thought I'd call in
because I worked on that sitcom I was a sort of stand-in for the role of Walter Jr. of the Sun
for the table reads so basically what that means is I have acted in rehearsal scenes Wow. this guy was another stand-in and he was reading for one of the other roles and he whenever he
referred to Flava Flay's character he would call him little Cal but it was typed out in the script
it was spelled out as a capital L I apostrophe L so whenever read it, he would read it as Lie One Cal.
And everybody was cracking up every time he said it.
And he did not catch on.
He read it as Lie One Cal for the entire
episode. So everybody thought that was
really funny.
Except for Flava Flav, who
didn't get it.
I love the show, guys.
Except for Flava Flav, who was wearing a cake for a hat. Get it. Love the show, guys. Happy 100th day.
Who is wearing a cake for a hat?
Flavor Flaving It.
Flavor Flaving It In.
I believe the font where one and lowercase L look the same is Courier.
Yeah, that's Courier.
It's the script font.
That's what Flavor Flaving It is here.
L.
Fan of fonts. Oh, I forgot what i was gonna say i'm oh first i want to say is his name andy yeah yeah yeah yeah fuck you andy because i'm here you did not acknowledge the guest yeah
actually the guy who called earlier and said um possible guest possible guest if there is a guest
last time i called there was no guest That guy didn't even identify himself For shame
The second woman she totally hedged her bets
She was like Graham and Dave and possible guest
She was on point
She was not flavor flaving it in
She was down with OPP
Did you ever see this show?
No
Did it ever come to existence?
It must have
Apparently in both Vancouver and Los Angeles.
That's amazing.
We have, well, last episode was our 100th episode, Spectacular.
Murder Mystery Spectacular.
Spooktacular.
What?
Spooktacular, sorry.
Yeah, you got to listen to it, Kevin.
I haven't heard it yet.
Is it probably downloading right now into my iTunes?
Probably.
We can only imagine.
We, we, a listener sent us in $100 for our 100th episode.
What?
Very nice.
William P. from the great state of Illinois, the land of Lincoln.
Yeah.
And we spent that $100 on phone calls from HollywoodIsCalling.com.
Which is a service, if you haven't heard,
they will send your message to Hollywood Star and they will call your phone number with said message.
So we had Lou Ferrigno, the Incredible Hulk,
call us in and wish us more incredible years.
Yeah, and Russell Johnson, the professor from Gilligan's Island.
Who went off script.
We told him... That's Island. Who went off script. We told him.
We told him.
That's right, he did.
Yeah, we gave him.
You get to write a little script for them.
But you're not allowed to broadcast it or profit from it or anything.
So we had to just say we were having an anniversary.
And we couldn't mention our podcast in it.
So we just said, happy anniversary, Dave and Graham.
And so Russell Johnson,
the professor from Gilligan's
Island, we told him, hey Dave and
Graham, according to my readings,
you're
having an anniversary.
He was doing a cold read.
He just went off script. He also said, God bless you.
He's very kind. Yeah, he's 85
years old. I looked it up.
He probably just thinks we're a homosexual couple who are having an anniversary.
I'm sure everyone did.
Yeah.
But we also...
We should have left our outgoing message where it was like you and I doing one word each.
Hey, this is Dave and Graham.
Like a little sound effect.
Ding-a-ling-a-ling.
Talk.
Yeah.
Because homosexuals have horrible tastes in common.
No, no just just really for
just making it funny that's all yeah yeah yeah no it's real funny kevin um get out horn it's funny
clowns have been using it since clowns are funny um i'm sorry i'm we're friends yeah
but depressed but oh um we had a third phone call that we didn't include because we didn't know how reliable the service that HollywoodIsCalling.com is.
Yeah, so we hedged our bets.
Yeah, and we made three requests.
And so we have this third call.
It's by Warrington Gillette.
Who's that?
He played Jason in Friday the 13th Part 2.
And Warrington Gillette is a very posh name in its own.
Very.
Oh, very much.
So we'll just play that right now.
Yep.
Hi, this is Warrington Gillette.
I'm calling for Dave and Graham.
Hello, Graham and Dave.
This is Warrington Gillette,
better known as Jason Voorhees,
from Friday 13 Part 2.
Ch-ch-ch.
I hope you have a killer anniversary.
Pretty good.
Well done.
He stayed on script, but he added sound effects.
He made it better.
And also he referred to Friday the 13th as Friday 13.
That will be the last sequel that Ice Cube will do to Fridays.
Assault on Precinct 13.
It's going to be a two-parter.
Yeah, so if anybody does want to call us for the podcast,
Warranty Gillette, if you're out there,
206-339-8328.
Want to wrap it up?
Yeah, I think we can wrap it up.
Kevin Lee, if people want to find you online,
where's the best place?
You're an improviser, member of the Sunday Service.
Which happens every Sunday at the Hennessy, which is on Broadway near Manitoba.
It's like 53 West Broadway, Hennessy Dining Lounge.
And it starts at 9 p.m. the show.
Yeah, you can see me there every Sunday.
You can go to our website, which Taz also mentioned on a couple episodes ago.
Sundayservice.com?
No, oh God, don't go there.
Oh, sorry.
Sundayservice.ca is where you need to go.com was our old website which got stolen by a guy in hawaii who left all of our stuff up
and refuses to take it down um and so people will go there and be like site sucks nothing works and
these guys look like jerks we've got a a very slick, polished website. Well, everyone is going to go to both webpages now.
Probably now, yeah.
Trust it.
Now, we should have mentioned this earlier.
Kevin is one of Vancouver's original podcasters.
What?
You were part of the Living Room podcast, were you not?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, that was a long time ago.
But I don't think that exists anymore.
No, no no no
and it probably can't be found
you and Sean Devlin
who we have yet
to have on the podcast
but would love to have
has been invited
numerous times
he's an enigma
wrapped in
wrapped in a
wrapped in a guy
who says no to podcasts
yeah pretty much
wrapped in a guy
with lots of discretion involved
yeah
I don't
oh I'll say dumb things
I feel embarrassed
but it was
let's wrap up we'll get feel embarrassed. But it was a...
Let's wrap up.
We'll get him on.
But yeah, it was a fun podcast.
It was like live.
It was like video and live stuff that was taped together.
Yeah, it was really neat.
It was a sitcom.
It was very enjoyable.
It was like a sitcom thing.
It was fun.
It was good times.
I think I still have a promo card that you guys handed out to it at one point.
Deshawn actually...
I still have all the episodes.
Do you do? Oh, wow.
Because collector's item
for people who collect things that no one knows about.
I have...
Or no, Sean
put all the episodes onto a DVD and
gave it to Happy Bat Cinema, which is in Vancouver.
Oh, yeah.
I was like, try and rent this.
And apparently people have actually rented it. Go to Happy Bat Cinema, which is in Vancouver. Oh, yeah. I just was like, try and rent this. And apparently people have actually rented it.
Oh, that's cool.
Which is crazy.
Go to Happy Bats on Main Street.
Main Street.
Yeah.
12th.
Next to the hair cutters.
Might be there.
Try and find it.
Next to Little Black Dress.
Drunk dial in
and give you a review.
Oh, I might be...
Sorry.
I hear that.
206-339-8328.
It sucks.
I don't get it. It's black and white. Yeah, I don't understand9-8328. It sucks. I don't get it.
It's black and white.
Yeah, I don't understand.
Do you have anything upcoming that you want to...
No, I'm staying home for the duration of the Olympics.
You've got to hide out.
Yeah.
Fair enough.
Tonight's my last night of going out.
And yeah, I will be on the town at different places,
but I can't remember any of the specific locations off the top of my head.
So I'll say I have nothing as well.
But again, if you enjoyed the podcast, please tell your friends.
Do your best to spread it around because we would like this thing to grow to capacity.
I don't know how big that is, but we would like to see that.
And if you do want to reach us, you can send us a message at stoppodcastingyourself at
gmail.com.
And join our forums at stoppodcastingyourself.com.
Absolutely.
And check out, there's a recap of every episode that Dave puts together, this awesome blog
of the highlights.
And yeah, if you want to call us, it's 206-339-8328.
And come on back next week for what I can only guess is going to be a spectacular episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Thank you.