Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 115 - Charlie Demers
Episode Date: May 24, 20104-timer Charlie Demers stops by to talk comfortable footwear, comic strips, and fake bands....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 115 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the man who I would have to say is the fastest eater I've ever met in my entire life, Mr. Dave Shumka.
I don't even try. I mean, I don't even think about it. I just eat real fast.
All the greats don't have to think about it.
Yeah, that's the thing. You know, I have great peripheral vision.
That's what they said about Wayne Gretzky.
Yeah, you've got a lot of drive.
Yeah, yeah.
I may not be the biggest guy, but I've got a big heart.
Yeah.
And the doctor actually says that I shouldn't eat so fast.
Yeah, because of your enlarged heart.
And that person giggling is our, we just realized, our first ever four-time repeat guest.
Did we realize it?
Well, actually, he realized it.
He made it, pointed it out.
A very funny man, not just a stand-up comedian, but also a novelist and a nonfiction writer as well.
Both kinds of writing.
Yeah, both styles.
Do you have any poetry?
Yeah, but I only do spoken word.
That's Mr. Charlie Demers.
Hello, boys.
We brought him back because over the last two weeks, Dave and I thought, well, who are people that people have asked for?
Yeah, it's the Max Fun Drive.
We want to have the big names.
Yeah, we wanted to bring back the spiciest meatballs.
Yeah, we wanted to bring back the spiciest, you know. Meatballs.
Yeah.
And this is my first time ever with your new.
Dings?
Yeah, your new.
Oh, I thought you said dinks.
What's your new affiliation?
Your new.
Oh, right, right.
So congratulations.
Maximum Fun.
Maximum Fun.
Our alliance.
And to all the new American listeners, a pleasant Abraham Lincoln to you.
Shall we get to Noah?
Yes, please.
Get to Noah.
Since the last time you were here, you wrote and had published two books.
Wait, last time you were here, he probably had written the books.
No, they were improvised.
We were talking about the hills and Curb Your Enthusiasm.
It was that style.
Charlie walks around an office with a tape recorder,
sends in the tape recorder to the publishers,
says, take whatever you want, make it into a book.
Yeah, I don't even do that.
I do like Woody Allen at the end of Manhattan.
I just lie on a couch with a recorder on my back and i go you know new york giants tracy's face and then i always run out whenever
i get to tracy's face uh i don't even think that's the name of the girl um i had written them
uh because the last one i did was the live podcast at the Biltmore. That's right. Yeah. And so they were both on the way.
The novel might even have had already come out.
But anyway, now they're out and they've been forgotten.
Not true.
We can move on.
No, it's been a good couple months.
And what's going on with you lately?
You and I, we used to have jobs together.
Yep.
And it's well known throughout this podcast that I no longer have the job.
Yeah.
You don't either, right?
No, yeah.
They didn't give you your job back.
This is the secret.
It's kind of like a reverse Truman's World.
Like Truman Show.
Truman's World.
That's what I just called it.
With Harry Mandel.
Yeah.
Swing.
Anyway.
No, yes.
But is it well known in this room that not only do you not have a job – because for a while – and I hope I'm not telling tales out of school here.
No.
For a while, we were being still paid as though we had jobs.
We had a severance.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now that's gone too.
Yeah.
The severance.
Yeah.
And now that's gone too.
Yeah.
But so the problem is that the severance period creates an illusion in your mind where you're like, oh, not having a job won't be so bad.
Because the only change was I don't have to wake up every morning.
It's literally like you still have all the benefits and still have all.
And then so now that that's done, now I feel well and truly. I was up till 3 a.m. last night editing copy for an Inuit-owned small airline for their website.
That is a fact of Charlie's life.
Is it funny?
No.
What's funny?
No, they wanted him to gag it up.
Yeah, why would they hire you?
Can you punch this up? This is a little dry. No, they wanted him to gag it up. Yeah, why would they hire you?
Can you punch this up?
This is a little dry.
Because it's an airline thing, so they're all like,
write a bunch of questions about why do we bring out the peanuts?
Why don't we build the whole plane out of the black box?
Now, if you're going to do any straight up Inuit jokes,
just run them past us first.
That's right, yeah. I don't have any Inuit jokes. Just run them past us first. That's right. Yeah. I don't have any Inuit jokes
in my huge Rolodex of ethnic humor.
Charlie's kind of like the Bob Hope of Angu.
At this airline,
we have a hundred different words for service.
Oh, man.
That's pretty good.
I should have gone with that.
And the other thing that recently happened in my life
to denote
its new slovenliness
and lack of purpose is
I bought, and I promise I'm not going to wear them
outside. Sounds like Crocs.
Yeah, it is. It's Crocs.
Because my feet hurt.
Oh man, this is like, we really are
on a downward trend.
But my ankles hurt.
So I got those crocs, the repair crocs.
Oh, okay.
Dr. Scholl's crocs.
Yeah, something like that.
And so I only wear them in the house.
But you can see why people did it.
Croc-ter-scholls.
Are they super comfortable?
Oh, man. It's like nothing you've ever walked on. Can we talk? Yeah. Can we? people did it. Crocster shows. Are they super comfortable?
It's like nothing you've ever walked on.
I've never worn
them myself. I've bought some.
There's different styles for ladies.
I bought some for my mom for Christmas.
I heard that there's high-heeled Crocs.
Oh, really? I was going to make a joke about high-heeled
Crocs. There really are those?
There's high-heeled ones, and I gave a pair to past guest Jane Stanton on the basis that she hates them so much.
I gave her a pair for her birthday.
She wears them all the time?
Probably. Probably she wears them all the time.
She just files down the heel.
They're pretty much like regular Crocs.
Oh, no, I didn't get her the high-heeled ones, just Crocs in general.
But that's my only dealings I've ever had with Crocs.
They don't look like shoes to me they look like uh like a novelty item like a like a sand pail or something but uh yeah well the fact that you wear them with
i wear them with my sand pail you do you wear them with socks uh both okay you're one each
monkey brewster stuff two different colored socks. Because they look like something you would not wear with socks.
And that's kind of part of the downward spiral as well.
I'm leaving the house.
Right.
I'm not going to wear socks.
Yeah.
But I went to the Crocs store, and they have – it's a huge store with two styles of shoe.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Downtown, right?
And there's little...
For Crocs for kids, there's little
things you can put in the
holes, like little characters
or Mr. Potato Head eyes.
Shoes are fun.
They are sweatpants for your feet.
That's the feeling. You know how you look
at a guy in sweatpants in the middle of the day and he's out and you're like, man, what's going on? I can't believe I worked for this feet. Yeah. Like, that's the feeling. Like, you know how you look at a guy in sweatpants in the middle of the day
and he's out and you're like,
man, what's going on?
I can't believe I worked for this guy.
And then you're wearing them
and it's just like, you know,
compared to other pants.
Give me a break.
I, uh...
Now, you brought up Punky Brewster,
which made me...
As I want to do.
Yeah.
Which, it just,
it flashed in my head very quickly
that recently recently that maybe
the world is blind just a little unkind uh the the lady she's now a lady was a child star at the
time yeah uh no who played winnie cooper on uh the wonder years she is uh she did like a photo
shoot for maxim uh which that's not her first i think she did one before for Stuff or FHM.
When I saw these new pictures, I was like...
Yeah, I'd stuff her FHM.
This is the weird thing.
Her career, what she does is she's put out these books for young girls to get them interested in math.
She's really big into math.
She's half Korean. Is she? Yes.
Oh, there you go. That sums it up right there.
But she is in an interview
online about the photo
shoot. They were asking her about these math books
and she said, I just want to make math
interesting for kids, especially girls.
She just got the memo wrong for child
actors and didn't realize she's supposed to get interested
in math.
She just got the memo wrong for child actors and didn't realize she's supposed to get interested in meth.
But then she said a thing of how to figure out the tip, like how to figure out a 20% tip.
She said it's filled with these things, like cute little things and tips and whatever.
But all you have to do to figure out the tip is just move the decimal place over one to the left and then double it yeah i didn't know that wait what do you have to do so so say it's like
this is a 20 tip yeah if it's 41 you move the decimal place one to the left and then double it
so then it's 820 double what's left on the right of the decimal point well so then it becomes 4.1
if it was 41 see she had a little had a little cartoon to help describe it.
And she's hot. It's not hard to figure that out
anyway. Not for you.
Because you live in GST land.
I eat so fast, I have plenty of time
to figure out the tip.
Anyways, I just
wanted to bring up. She's still looking good.
And Mayim Bialik is some
kind of biologist. Yeah, that's right.
Wears nothing but Crocs.
And no Korean heritage. And Mayim Bialik is some kind of biologist. Yeah, that's right. Wears nothing but Crocs. Yeah.
And no Korean heritage.
She was on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Yeah.
Played a lesbian.
And she was also on Fat Actress.
Oh, yeah. Which we discussed a couple weeks ago.
How'd that turn out?
Pretty good.
How do you feel it stacks up against Christy Alley's big life?
We talked all about it? We talked all about it
We got ourselves started
Dave, what's going on with you?
What's new in Shumko land?
Well, last week
when we recorded
it was right after my favorite
hockey team, the Vancouver Canucks, were eliminated
and the wounds were still too
fresh
They were too fresh yeah
they're like they were too fresh
some funky wounds uh but uh uh there's one thing i wanted to talk about about uh that it's uh there
was this news story someone uh made a fake uh news story It was like a fake Facebook thing.
Was this the Craigslist ad for Roberto Luongo?
No, no, no, no.
This was the Facebook thing.
There's a player on the Canucks named Kyle Wellwood who's notoriously out of shape.
And for a professional athlete,
that means he's like, you know,
five pounds more than everyone else.
Yeah.
He's like 5% body fat. Is this true? Somebody told me this. Like, you know, the great thing about Kyle Wellwood, he's like five percent body fat because it's true
somebody told me this like you know the great thing about kyle wellwood he's like this kind
of chubby guy she's like all right and then you look at him you're like this guy oh this is your
idea yeah he's a fit millionaire yeah have you seen that one guy big country the ufc fighter
i've seen big country bryant reed no it same guy? No, different guy. Oh, man. They should fight those two.
That's why I perked up when I heard he's got a big gut and he's like a powerhouse puncher.
So he knocks the guys out right away.
Is this just Butterbean?
He's like a white Butterbean.
Butterbean is white.
But his Butterbean doesn't have any hair.
This guy has a beard.
Graham didn't see color.
Yeah, that's right.
doesn't have any hair. This guy has a beard.
Graham doesn't see color. Yeah, that's right.
They should fight the two big countries and have
a big country play
the intro.
In a big country.
So yeah, there was this
fake Facebook thing
with Kyle Wellwood.
And the Canucks were playing in Chicago.
They were playing in Chicago for the series.
And it was Kyle Wellwood
apparently was inviting a bunch of players along on a pizza crawl.
And it was through Chicago with deep dish pizza, which are, I mean...
Yeah, if you're going to have pizzas.
I know, but you can't go from place to place eating these enormous pizza casseroles.
Well, a hog like Kyle Wilwood surely could.
But, and there were responses...
Pizza crawl, is that a thing?
No!
Okay, I've never heard of that.
And there were responses from other players, like other notoriously out of shape players, around the league.
And it was all fake.
It was clearly fake. TV station, their website, put up a story about how two Canucks were disciplined for
participating in a pizza crawl.
Another career ruined by a pizza crawl.
That's really great.
I was sad, too, about the...
And my timing's terrible because I grew up my whole life as a Montreal fan.
And then in recent years became a Vancouver fan.
And it turns out I moved too soon.
Although, in fairness, it does look like Canadians are heading down that Canucks path.
Oh, right.
Did they lose tonight?
They are losing tonight for sure.
Did they lose tonight?
They are losing tonight, for sure.
No, I believe you have one team for life, like an avatar with those flying things.
Yeah, with the dragon.
Once you put your braid into the team logo.
Or into Calwell.
Calwell would think it's a cheese string.
Speaking of hilarious news stories, or not necessarily hilarious, but I was – this is weird because on Sunday night I was messaging back and forth with a friend of mine who lives in Calgary. And I was asking him if he had seen – or if he watches Breaking Bad.
And he had said, yeah, he watched part of the first season and he didn't believe the premise.
watched part of the first season and he didn't believe the premise he didn't believe that like if you've never seen the show for anybody out there who hasn't seen the show guy gets you know
cancer he's got a family he's just a teacher and he doesn't have any money wants to leave some
money but he's like a chemistry teacher yes yeah so then he goes and he starts making crystal meth
with uh with winnie coop yeah that's right. He said he didn't believe that premise.
Like, nobody would ever get that desperate that fast.
And that night at, like, you know, later on in the evening, I was reading the newspaper.
There was a story about two business guys from Vancouver that were busted on the American-Canadian border.
Yeah.
With backpacks full of marijuana.
Oh, really? 50 kilograms of marijuana. were moving across pounds they were doing it for ten thousand dollars they both
like had some bad financial trouble and they were doing it for for ten thousand dollars like to sell
it or someone was paying somebody was paying them to mule them across across the border and i was
like well then that's even...
At least Crystal Meth has a high...
Some good bucks.
But 10 grand?
The one guy worked for the company
that came up with those annoying TELUS ads
with the animals in it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then the other guy owned his own business
and dates the woman half of that horrible slice show
The Last 10 Pounds.
Oh, yeah.
This is a six degrees of Kevin Bacon.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
But anyways.
And now the point is that these two guys are really in a crunch,
which makes the other half of Last Ten Pounds Boot Camp really happy.
But anyways, I thought that was weird.
Well, there's a bunch of shows like that now.
My Two Dads.
Nobody ever bought that.
I don't even know.
Look.
Men are marrying men.
I know.
Soon a man's going to marry a horse, I tells you.
Or a boat.
I'm already considering myself married to my boat you can marry a boat because a boat has been christened yeah and it's a girl it's the she does this yeah oh
yeah she does this yeah she does i've been at the yacht club about six weeks now. But there's that. There's Breaking Bad.
Yeah.
There's Hung about a guy who turns into a male prostitute.
Weeds.
Weeds.
About basically Breaking Bad for weeds.
Yeah, that's right.
And that's it.
No, there's two and a half men.
This is just like people do a desperate thing
Yeah yeah yeah
What's the Big Bang Theory about it?
It's all
One parent who turns to crime
And it's always a single parent
No wait, not breaking bad
But 66% of the time
Danica McKellar
The Douglas Copeland movie had that
Which?
But it was both parents.
They turned their house into a grow-up.
What movie was that?
J-Pod?
No, everything's gone green.
J-Pod was a, what I call a small serialized movie or television program.
Starring TV's Alan Thicke.
And music's Alan Thicke.
Yeah, that's right.
So anyways, that was just, sorry, that was a leap off of a weird news story.
Oh, yeah.
Do you have a thing?
Mostly that.
That seemed to be the big significant thing.
Also, as mentioned earlier, I have been looking for a job.
For me.
I got the backpack I need you to take to Bellas Fair.
Don't look inside it.
Here's $10,000.
$10,000 seems low on the scale of hiking.
Like, even if you just asked me to hike.
Like, just on its own.
But were they just crossing, like, not a border crossing?
No, in the forest.
Okay.
They had to climb.
I guess there's one path that often either drug cargo or people like immigrants trying, like...
What country are the immigrants trying to go to?
I think that we're talking about people who are being in the slave trade, people who are being walked across.
Sure, the Underground Railroad.
Yeah.
Except it's overground.
Sure.
This is...
There should be an editorial cartoon in there about...
I'm just spitballing here.
Maybe a beaver in there somewhere?
No, but you don't have a guy...
Someone wearing a sash that says what they do?
Yeah, well, that's a given.
But, no, the
mean guy from
10 Pounds Boot Camp, he's always getting
people to carry weight.
Like, do something and carry weight.
So, kind of a sassy
carry this, this,
you know, and then the implication.
Wait, give me the last 10 pounds of weed.
Yeah, there you go.
And I'll send you to...
I don't know this show, the 10 Pounds Boot Camp.
Describe it before you keep talking about it.
Graham has a bit on it.
Yeah, it's the...
There's this guy, I think he was...
He used to be a football player,
and his name is Tommy Europe.
Oh, we did talk about this on the show.
Yeah, and he's...
He just yells at people for being fat.
He yells at women who he's forced to buy an outfit that's too small for them.
Oh, yes.
That's the thing.
It's not even like Biggest Loser, where you're like, someone is like 500 pounds, and they're
like, okay, do this to lose weight.
They literally take regular-sized women.
Yeah, like women who, yeah.
Like, to look at them in, like, kind of the opening piece, you're like, oh, this must be the friend of the person they're talking about.
Because it doesn't look like they're out of shape at all.
And then they say, you know, the person wants to go to a reunion or they want to go to a wedding.
And then he forces them to buy an outfit that's two sizes too small and then says
you have to lose the weight which of course anybody would and then he makes them dress in
workout clothes that emphasize like the muffin top or whatever so that it's watchable because
otherwise you're like why is this guy being so torturous to this woman who's not out of shape
yeah i can understand torturing someone who is out of shape.
Oh, yeah.
It's the greatest.
Most people are pigs.
Well, piggy, for instance.
But in any case, yeah, this job posting, somebody posted it.
Now, do you look elsewhere other than Craigslist?
Because that's probably the wrong avenue.
You know what?
Where should I look?
Monster?
I've got a job
sitting on someone's face this afternoon yeah it's like casual connections yeah this guy just
said i had to jerk off in front of him i'm working for this new company casual connection i haven't
casual encounter yeah i haven't made any money yet it's's been fun. Don't get me wrong.
Break room's a pigsty.
This looks like it might be fake because it's so bad. My ID badge is just a picture of my cock.
But this, one of our listeners, she goes by Zombie Megan.
I know who that is.
Yeah, it's the girlfriend of a guy I went to high school with.
That's right.
Yeah, yeah.
Michael J. Fox's nephew, actually.
Oh, that's right.
Okay.
She wrote...
Six degrees.
Last 10 pounds boot camp.
Michael J. Fox went through Tommy Europe's boot camp.
Yeah, that's how he got back to 1985.
His 1985 waist.
They're like,
we're going to get you back to
1985.
Jeans.
But anyways, this is
Craig's list ad that she posted
on her Facebook
page and I thought, I checked
it out and it says
it's hiring for a new company uh I am in charge
of hiring for a large new company coming to Canada we will be building the company from the ground up
and we'll be hiring management personnel now how would you spell personnel if you were C-E-R-S-O-N-N-E-L
right that'd be my okay so personnel spelled wrong spelled with one n uh marketing personnel
personnel again spelled wrong sales personnel all spelled wrong copy spelled with one N. Marketing personnel, personnel again spelled wrong.
Sales personnel, all spelled wrong.
Copy and paste.
Yeah.
Warehouse spelled as in where is the house.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
Delivery drivers spelled D-I-L-I-V-E-R-Y.
Secretaries, S-E-C-R-I-T-E-R-Y-S, and so on.
Secretaries?
Like Y-S?
Yeah.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
And, yeah, anyways, it says the company's name and information will be given, G-I-V-I-N,
on the phone interview.
The company wishes to keep things quiet until the big product launch.
Anyways.
Well, maybe the company's hooked on phonics.
But they haven't been hooked up yet.
They got to call down the IT.
Yeah.
But they can't because they can't find IT.
If there are enough, E-N-U-F, people.
That's what it is.
E-N-U-F, people from the same area or city the company will set up.
Was it Prince spelling this? Meeting in that area or city the company will set up a meeting in that
area or city ASP.
Did you just ask if Prince was?
Yeah.
A lot of twos and yous.
Please be sure to wear a raspberry beret
to your interview.
So, yeah.
Were you working at the Five and Dime?
That's pretty good.
So Tupac is still alive.
Well, he does Prince-style spelling.
Oh, does he?
Okay, sorry.
Well, he did.
Oh, Tupac.
No, he did more than just that, I think.
Yeah, I know, but for example.
Yeah, yeah, sorry.
But that reminds me of a gentleman who we all know.
I'm not going to say his name on the podcast, but while I was in Calgary, I saw he did a Facebook update where every single word was spelled wrong.
It was a seven-word update, and he managed to spell everything wrong.
I'm dying to know who this is.
I'll tell you after.
We'll do one joke from the rack.
Do you want to be right back?
Yes, I do.
All right.
So this time of year is our second week of two weeks.
Yeah, second of two.
Of the Max Fun Drive, which if you're unfamiliar with the concept or if you've never listened to the podcast before, we are part of a podcast empire, I guess.
Organization.
Yeah, organization.
That's nicer.
Yeah.
Cartel.
That sounds grassroots.
That's right.
Where it's run predominantly by Jesse Thorne.
It's called Maximum Fun.
And through their website, they have shows, The Sound of Young America, Jordan Jesse Go, the Coil and Sharp podcast, Casper Hauser.
And us.
And us.
We're the newest, latest addition to it.
We're the new kid on the block, and we're the new addition.
Yeah, and we're the latest craze.
Yeah.
We're Backstreet Boys.
And you're keeping it in sync. Yeah, we are. Yeah. I tried to help out. Yeah, we're Backstreet Boys. And you're keeping it in sync.
Yeah, we are.
I tried to help out.
Yeah, thank you.
Graham was giving you that.
Yeah, I was stunned.
And ladies, we're going to take you to OTAN.
Yeah!
That was so good.
But basically what we're asking for at this time of year is the entire show, the whole thing thing the whole organization is run off of donations
predominantly i know that sound of young america is carried on some uh radio stations in the state
but i don't think that pays a huge uh wad of cash so most of the shows our show entirely
would be run off of listener donations and we've been running the show for we're heading into our third year
yeah we've done over two years and we have uh it's all been out of our pocket yeah we've never
asked for any money and we're not particularly asking for money now we're asking if you've
listened to the show or any of their shows and you like it to make a donation to ensure that it
stays free because that's the only way we can keep it free is if enough people decide, I enjoy the show, I'm going to donate.
And we're not asking for much.
$10 a month more than clears you.
And it also gives you a chance.
You get a free DVD.
Yep.
You get a choice of t-shirt.
Oh, the t-shirt has been chosen.
Oh, and it's a great, great design.
It's got a bumper car on it.
Yeah, for all you bumpers out there.
Yeah, you can have a Stop Podcasting Yourself t-shirt.
You can be the coolest kid on most blocks.
Yeah, most blocks.
Some blocks you might want to wear a sweater.
And yeah, you can donate.
It's very easy to donate. couldn't be easier all you do is
you go to maximumfund.org slash donate yep and um what am i missing dave uh let's see what else
can you get uh if you give even more you can get even more yeah there's no limit there's
it's too unlimited what you can give. And it really is.
Like I say, if you enjoy the show and you listen to it every week, if you think about it, it's an hour to an hour and a half every week.
We've given you 150 hours of entertainment.
Yeah.
So if you think about $10 a month, you're going to blow $10 in a day without even thinking about it.
Oh, yeah.
You love paninis.
I'll blow somebody for $10 in a day.
Don't make Charlie blow somebody for $10.
That's what we're saying.
That's minimum fun.
We've been paying for this, and we've just started to kind of realize the costs of putting out a podcast for two years.
And now our costs are being covered by Maximum Fun, and we're getting addicted to it.
Yeah, yeah.
That's, yeah, you get a taste.
You got to keep chasing that dragon.
Yeah.
The first one's free.
The first dragon?
And no matter what, if you're're short if you're not working
if you don't have the money right now
short of money
guys don't editorialize
don't put words in his mouth
but if you can't afford it
that's fine because the show is still free
and all the archives are still free
and we want to keep it that way
just think of when you can't pay for it.
Think of that as when there's only one set
of footprints on the beach.
This is where Jesus is carrying you.
But anyways, so that's all you have to do
is go to MaximumFun.org slash donate.
You can donate $5 a month, $10 a month, $20 a month.
Or if you only have money enough for a one-time donation, you can do that as well.
You sure can.
And that's not –
Every little bit helps.
Yeah.
If you have the money now, know that you won't have it later, that's fine.
If you're a gambler.
Yeah.
If you're just living on the lamb.
But does a gambler know that they won't have money later?
Well, they know when to fold them.
Yeah.
I promise. Do they know when to fold them. The problem is, do they know when to hold them?
That's right.
All right, guys.
Walk away.
Yeah, walk away.
Should I run?
All right.
Well, do you guys want to move on to Overheard?
Yeah, I'm sure not going to count my money while I'm sitting at the table.
Am I right, guys?
Lyrics.
Overheard. Overheard. sitting at the table am i right guys lyrics overheard overheards if you've got a set of ears and they and you know how to use them then overheards is for you that was the uh radio friendly version of the zz talk
when it played in the middle east she's got ears and she knows how to use them um she probably has ears and we've been told now
we've been told actually several times in the past week and i don't know if you've noticed that well
i know you noticed one and somebody told us that another show podcast run by a comedian named
greg fitzsimmons is also doing, suddenly,
a segment called
Overherds, where he gets callers to
call in their overheards, and this is the
thing. What's their phone number? That's that show,
Quit Your Podcasting.
Knock it off with the podcast.
Hey, you kids with the podcast.
Quit.
We
don't know, because overheards as a concept, I'm sure we're not the first people to do it either.
We didn't invent the idea.
No, but we may have been the first people to do it in a podcast.
And certainly the first people to do it 115 weeks in a row in a podcast.
But anyways, we have, we've got a couple of messages.
I don't know what we're supposed to do.
Who's Greg Fitzsimmons?
Is he famous?
I guess. He's a comedian from America.
I don't, I can't really say.
Like, I know I've heard him as a guest on
another podcast
at one point. Is he the guy who was trying
to get that giant boat up
the mountain?
I'm not even thinking of Werner Herzog.
Is that Fitzcarraldo?
Is that what I'm remembering? If that's wrong. It's Fitz something. No, you're thinking of Werner Herzog? Is that Fitzcarraldo? Is that what I'm remembering?
If that's wrong.
It's Fitz something.
No, you're thinking the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.
No, Fitzcarraldo was the guy who got the chair in the face and had the mustache.
The German guy that that happened to.
Fritzcarraldo.
I can now take you to Al Capone's forest.
Anyway, so if that's the case If somebody's snagging
Our bit I don't know what we can do about it
Maybe he just overheard
The bit he was like here's something
I heard on another podcast
But we like to start every
Week our overheard segment
With Charlie Demers
With our guest even when he's not here
I do it every week I write in from home
I don't
know this is i mean week might be the operative word here for mine i because i ran because i had
one that i wanted to do that i had a instinct but instead you phoned it into greg fitzsimmons
yeah no i called i like to support podcasts and he's doing a fun drive right now and i wanted to
give as i could um but i i the thing is
uh i had one that i wanted to do was just soup i was like this is like sort of tragic comic maybe
it's too sad not enough too much tragedy not enough comic and so i ran it by graham which as
you know doesn't happen on you guys don't hear the overheards no before i ran it by him graham agreed that it was too sad so then i was
kind of sol and i thought you know uh i'd try and maybe get away with an over like something that i
said a stupid thing that i said but so here's a different okay over rationalized
okay so this one's really quick uh quick build up shitty overheard and i totally apologize
uh but i was downtown and like you know like the business district you know when you're like down
at the like it's like a bunch of like professional looking people and they're all out and it's
sunny and they're walking around and they're doing they're having lunches and wearing ties
without putting on airs yeah and it's not like a joke.
It's not like a, can you believe?
And so I see this young guy, and he's talking to this woman,
and they're like clearly co-workers,
and they're both very professionally dressed,
and they're walking to some meeting or something together,
and they're talking.
And then I walk by them, and I just heard for like two seconds,
and the dude is talking to the girl, and he goes,
yeah, so it's two Asian chicks and one white chick.
What could they have been talking about?
Anyway, that's, so I apologize.
That's like diet overheard.
No, it was the touring company of Charlie's Angels.
With an understudy.
Thanks for Lucy Liu.
Maybe he had a Bluetooth in and he was ordering.
Anyway, I really kind of wish I could tell the sad one, but it's maybe too sad.
It's too sad.
I can't remember what it is, but I remember you running one past me and me saying it was sad.
It was sad.
That was fine.
Okay.
Yeah, it was great.
I enjoyed it.
If anyone wants a sad one, tough luck.
Dave?
Yeah, I don't have one either.
But my brother told me an amusing one the other day.
Nice.
My brother was in a gas station paying for gas.
As gas or grass.
No one rides for free.
No one heard either of them.
Oh, no.
Overtalk.
He was in a gas station paying for gasoline.
You want to take this?
and he uh a woman came in and she yeah she had the uh the key with the big key with the wood piece attached yeah and she gave it back uh the bathroom key she gave it back to the attendant
and uh she said thank you so much um i'll probably buy something i just need to go talk to my friend first and then she she leaves the room
and yells across the parking lot i'm a new woman
it's kind of like that uh that aerosmith video where they go into the gas station and
flirt with the yeah yeah try on sunglasses yeah i guess she had to pee very badly before
oh and that's why she was a new woman your life yeah yeah
oh and and she also did a pregnancy test it was positive yeah that ego is preggo
um what about you oh well no when you were talking about the woman at the gas station for some
reason i just had a flashback to an ad i believe i saw when i was a kid where it was Cindy Crawford was at a gas station.
Yeah, was it a Pepsi commercial?
I couldn't remember for the life of me
I was trying to reference in my head what it was for.
It was a Pepsi commercial.
It might have been Diet Pepsi.
Yeah, it's hard to say.
Diet Pepsi is the right one.
No, it's the
Gotta Have It.
That was the Ray Charles Diet Pepsi. No, uh-huh, you got the right one, baby. I think he said Gotta. Oh, yeah. That was the Ray Charles Diet Pepsi.
No, uh-huh.
You got the right one, baby.
I think he said gotta have it, too.
No, sorry.
That was Ray Charles and heroin.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
No, heroin was the taste of a new generation.
Just a taste.
The first one's free.
The first taste of a new generation is free.
Do you remember
in the movie Rookie
of the Year? Yes. When the kid
He hurts his
arm, but it hurts it in a good
way. Yeah, it makes it fast. Funky, but
loving. And he
becomes a super famous
11-year-old
pitcher for the Chicago Cubs.
It was based on a true story, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was based on Doogie Howard.
Story of Greg Maddox.
He...
Yeah, and then he got all these endorsements
and he did a Diet Pepsi commercial
with the Uh-Huh Girls.
Who the kid was famous?
Yeah.
Oh, in the movie.
Like there was an ad within the movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, man.
That is product placement to the...
Was he also the same kid in a time travel movie, like a remake of Connecticut Yankee and King Arthur's Court or whatever?
Oh, First Night with Martin Lawrence?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Black Knight.
Of course it was called Black Knight.
First Night was for Richard Gere, wasn't it?
Anyway, no, I don't know if he was in that, but he was in American Pie.
He was Tara Reid's boyfriend.
Oh, there you go.
That is true.
Yeah, he got the wrong one, baby.
Good callback.
Not bad.
My Overheard comes courtesy of being on the bus.
Okay.
And I was standing directly in front of a young lady who was on her cell phone telling her friend how good she is at working on film sets and like she's a professional now.
professional now and she's you know like she's kind of tired of working with amateurs and she you know she's ready to move up into the next class is this a porn story no she goes she goes uh
and then she says to her friend well you know i don't i can't describe to you all the different
areas you know on the film set that there are um well, basically – look, I'll try and simplify it for you.
There's five basic areas on a film set.
There's the director.
There's the DOP.
That's director of photography.
I won't bother explaining that to you.
There's wardrobe.
That's what I work in.
There's makeup or set makeup makeup and i can't remember what
the fifth one is but don't worry like she was saying how great she was that she couldn't even
list the main groups that work on a film she sounds like the lying bitch in wardrobe That's such a weird thing to brag about
What?
Being really good on a film set?
Yeah, I'm really good at standing around and waiting
Yeah, good at being quiet
When somebody says switch it to channel 4
I switch it to channel 4
I've got a lot of good iPhone apps
I guess you would be all iPhone now
Because when I worked on film sets
Out of film school Everybody everybody had cell phones.
But they didn't have any games.
Everyone wanted to play Snake.
Yeah, there was no apps.
There was no iPhone.
So standing around was way more boring.
Now you have podcasts and video things and all sorts of shit you could download.
So standing around, it actually might be a job that I might look at.
Yeah.
I gotta get to now.
I, um, the thing overheard that I was going to do that was like overhearing a thing that
I said that was stupid was, um, it wasn't like a thing.
Like it wasn't that the thing was funny, but it was just, uh, it was like in a sitcom.
Like, okay.
I thought that a local guy who runs a room here and he started this room and
he asked me to headline the first night and it was a terrible show dave you were there okay you
had a pretty good set jane had a pretty good set but this guy know how to spell correctly on
facebook status yes yes he does okay so it's not the same guy okay so and then i got up and i was
having a really rough set and i was kind of making fun of the crowd and making fun of the room because it was torture.
It was a really difficult set.
And then afterwards, I apologized.
I said, hey, I didn't mean to take a shit on stage and whatever.
And then I also sent him –
Did you literally?
Yeah, well, because that was my big closer, right?
No, that's your opening.
It's really rough for the rest of the set.
That's why they call me the number two guy in comedy.
And I wrote him a note.
And then, like on Facebook, I just said, hey, you know, once again, sorry.
And I hadn't heard back from him.
And then I saw him at another show on Thursday.
And I said, hey, you know, did you get my message?
He says, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just, I'm digesting it. And I was like, huh, you know, what's the problem hey, you know, did you get my message? He says, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just, I'm digesting it.
Oh.
And I was like, huh, you know, what's the problem here, you know?
And I'm, like, talking to other comics about, like, you know,
what's with the attitude, you know?
Like, geez, I can't, you know, I can't believe this.
Well, what is it?
And then, yeah.
And then so as I'm on my way out afterwards, he's standing there, and he says, hey, look, can I talk to you for a second?
And I just go, you know, you know what?
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I just list off, you know what?
I didn't even really do anything wrong.
And I just sent you a note and I was just trying to be nice and blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then he's like, and then I finished.
And he goes, I just wanted to tell you I was never mad at you.
And it was total sitcom style. Like, he goes i just wanted to tell you i was never mad at you and it was total sitcom
style like he go no you listen here like the only thing that could have made it more like full housey
is if we had been like right up yelling in each other's faces and then kissed
because it was and i just felt it's the stupidest or you will ever feel Or if he had done the Bugs Bunny thing and switched it around on you, so you were
apologizing to him.
Yeah, that's right.
Absolutely, no. But so it turned out very
nice, and of course it was
wonderful, but it was...
I felt so
embarrassed for like a day
and a half straight afterwards.
Because it was... We talked about Breaking
Bad, and I see a thing and you never think it will happen.
It happens.
Oh, yeah.
Good morning, San Francisco.
Wake up, San Francisco.
Sorry, wake up.
Sorry, shit, I fucked that one up.
All right, guys.
Here's some listener overheards.
If you want to write to us in the overheard fashion,
or just in general, I like it when, you know,
there's just a note. Hey, what's going on?
Yeah, keep up the good work.
And no more
sarcastic ones.
We can tell.
They're all in italics.
You can send them to stoppodcastingyourself
at gmail.com. This first one
comes to us from Christina.
Christina T. Christina.
So I was at the county fair a couple of months ago in one of the art exhibit buildings.
I overheard a mother and her young daughter having a verbal exchange that went something like this.
The mother asked the daughter, and what does daddy drink?
To which the daughter enthusiastically replied, beer!
And the mother was silent and said
no honey coffee oh cute that's like a little um she should have sent that to bill keen not you
guys that could have been that's a perfectly serviceable family circus a little edgy for
the family yeah that's true uh Maybe one of the ones Billy drew.
Because you'd go,
hey, who drew this cartoon?
And someone would say,
not me.
What are your favorite family circuses?
The ones,
the one that has the,
did you just talk about
the ghost?
Not me.
And I don't know.
Also, there was,
That's sad.
It seems like they have
a dead kid.
My, It's a dead kid. My, uh...
It's a dead Vietnamese kid named Notme.
I think you blame me.
For the breakdowns in the family.
Korean people are good at math.
Vietnamese people are named Notme.
Well, it's, you know, passable.
My brother pointed out to me because we don't have much of a
a color comic section in either of the newspapers here in the weekend editions but in calgary also
nobody reads the newspapers here um but in calgary they still have like a full like you know like the
weekend uh yeah the sunday uh funnies or whatever and you know all the
classics are still running strong your garfields your uh those baby blue kids are no closer to
adolescence wizard of id still going strong wizard of id yeah oh man what about which is the one bc
the like uh caveman but it's also like crazy right-wing
christian yeah and i remember there was one guy like one of the characters it was the jailer and
the guy in jail and the guy in jail's like oh why is it called encyclopedia britannica
and the punchline was like well i don't think anyone would read it if it was called encyclopedia aborigine it was so like but these are cavemen
they predate encyclopedia they predate predate prisons yeah and dungeons yeah no part of it
makes sense um but there's an there was a family circus who's always been you know very sad well they have that dead kid yeah the kid running around haunting them um
but then there's another uh funky winker bean went through a phase where it was just very
dramatic one of the characters got cancer oh really and it was literally what's funky
winker bean is that like the rex morgan md where you're from no funky winker bean is it's where i'm from serious comic it's named funky
winker bean no funky winker bean was a funny comic that then go down to funky winker beans
on hastings and you will not be doing a lot of giggling i assure you yeah well it mirrors the
change because it used to be a funny comic or or at least intentionally funny, and then it switched into being a...
Also, I think Hank McNamara?
That's another one that made a switch.
Tank McNamara.
He's a sportscaster?
Yeah.
That made a switch, too.
It was weird.
It was like, after 9-11, these comics all of a sudden became aware of the world where
terror...
Sure.
Before, they weren't, and now they're somehow in the world.
Sally Forth is very... Do you remember a couple years ago i realized that that was a play on words
what like sally fourth into the world and like i never what about grace under fire
i always get uh my hopes up whenever i tell anyone tells me there's a new Brent Butt series going on
I'm like oh
you didn't say
Brent Butler
anyway my favorite
family circus is
the one where
the kid
it's a path
and you follow
the kid
oh yeah
where you see
where he took
the crazy route
home
I used to read
Never on Time
is my guess
Garfield comics
like the Digests
and the Family Circus
Digest as a kid
I just loved them I read them all the time they didn't make me laugh I just like I digests and the family circus digest as a kid i just loved them i read them all
the time they didn't make me laugh i just like i read them and i just they were interesting to me
and there was an interview with bill keen in the back of one of them they were like how long do
you think you'll uh uh keep writing comics and he was like well until i run out of material until
my kids die and then i what i thought he meant by run out of material is that he had bought
a bunch of paper and a bunch of pens and once he had run through raw materials
that's when he would give up writing the cartoon do you remember a couple years ago um for better
or for worse yep they they um it was a gay son storyline, and that's another...
That one went serious.
...dramedy, they call it.
They did.
They reset it.
Because it was one of those comics where, instead of staying the same age, the kids
would grow up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When the dog died.
That's right.
Yeah, yeah.
At some point.
And then they reset it back 20 years to the beginning of it.
Comic gimmicks.
Really?
Wow. Oh, so they did one of those Infinity Crisis things beginning of it. Comic gimmicks. Really? Wow.
Oh, so they did one of those infinity crisis things that they did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Minority report.
Yeah.
Time crisis.
All right.
Here's another overheard written in.
Now, last week we talked about license plate frames.
Sure.
I went to What's the Matter You?
Yeah, I was an alumni of What's a Matter With You
This is another license plate frame
It says, the license plate frame entry
In your last episode with Ryan Beal
Reminds me of a frame I oversaw just the other day
The top of the frame said
Italians do it
And the bottom of the frame did not exist
Leaving the entire message as simply
Italians do it
That's from Spencer
Yeah, the implication is contracting, right? Sure No, they Italians do it. That's from Spencer. Yeah, the implication is contracting, right?
Sure.
No, they just do it.
Italians do it.
Or maybe it's like
Godfather Pizza.
Isn't that the big phrase on that?
Or maybe they were talking about...
Did the bottom of the frame just didn't exist at all?
I think it fell off.
Oh, so apparently it was a no-show job.
Oh, nice.
When I was six or seven, there was a kid in grade seven, like an older kid, who was wearing
a shirt.
I kind of went to school in a...
It was a slightly trashy neighborhood, as evidenced by this kid's shirt, which just
said, do it in the sand.
Now, I remind you, this kid
would have been 12 years old, Max.
His name was Max,
and he was 12 years old.
He was just thinking sandcastles.
I went up to him, and I was like,
what does that shirt mean? And he's like, you know,
do it. I was like, well,
what's it? Because this is
pre-sex knowledge. And he was like, you know, it it. I was like, well, what's it? Because this is pre-sex knowledge.
And he was like, you know,
it. And I went,
pee?
Yeah, pee in the sink.
Alright, here's
the last one. We've limited
three. Limited three plus one job posting. That's right. That's the last one. Limit of three. Limit of three plus one job posting.
That's right.
That's the way I got around.
This comes from Lindsay D.
Lindsay D., I'm a graphic designer, as half of your audience seems to be,
and I recently took a continuing studies class in the evenings after work.
A bunch of my classmates and I were in the hallway one night in April
waiting for the professor to arrive,
and I was standing next to a 60-something-year-old guy in my class
who was listening to his iPod really loud.
At first, I couldn't make out what song it was that he looked so into.
He was tapping his foot really fast, mouthing the words, and moving his hips.
Then I realized the song he was rocking out to was
All I Want for Christmas is You by
Mariah Carey.
Pretty good.
That was in April.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who was she married to?
She was married to some record executive.
Tommy Mottola. Tommy Mottola.
And he was in the video. He was Santa.
Really? Actually, just last
week, coming full circle,
Tommy Mottola was on Nick Cannon's Wild and Out. He was one of the white guys. Really? Actually, just last week, coming full circle, Tommy Mottola was on Nick Cannon's Wild N' Out.
He was one of the white guys.
Really?
No.
Not really.
Have you seen it?
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
It is something else.
It's not still on.
Oh, yeah.
It's a hit.
But it's not still being made.
I don't think it's still being made.
I know they air it up here.
It's in syndication. It's in Sendo? It's in hit. But it's not still being made. I don't think it's still being made. I know they air it up here. It's in syndication, but it's...
It's in Sendo?
It's in Sendo.
And what I love is that every time it comes back from commercial break, they're like,
the following contains mature humor.
I promise you, it does not.
There's one thing it does not contain, and that is mature humor.
If you want to write to us
to the podcast, to us podcasters,
it's stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com.
Also, we have callers
who sent in overheards.
Maybe you should take a break from talking.
If you would like to call us,
our phone number is 206-339-8328
and I will be playing my
allotted three phone calls.
I like it. Plus one from Craigslist?
Yep. One voice message.
Hey, this is Kent from Denver
calling in with an overheard. The other night
I was outside of a heavy metal concert
at the concert venue at which
I work and there were two
big metal dudes who ran into each other out front.
And it was obvious they hadn't seen each other in a while
and they were kind of catching up.
And one of them said,
Hey, are you still dating that girl?
And the other one said,
Nah, man, I had to break up with her.
Chicks get you out of metal.
Fact.
It's a lifestyle. Yeah, it's true
That's why no metal fans ever have girlfriends
Yeah, and that's why that Bret Michaels show has to keep happening
Yeah
They seem like they're the one for him
And then they try to get him
Try to get him on a metal
Does that count as metal him?
He's a metal
No, not anymore
But he did in the olden days.
Yeah, in the olden days he was.
Have you seen the infomercial with Bret Michaels?
Is that Slap Chop?
It's not Slap Chop.
No, it's a music collection.
But it also features new acoustic recordings of just Bret Michaels solo.
And they only play Every Rose Has Its Thorn because that's all you want to listen to.
I always, whenever I hear Brett Michaels,
I always think wrestling,
and it's because of Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels.
And so it does sound like a wrestling name.
And I don't really know Poison.
And he dresses like a wrestler would dress.
He does.
And he kisses like a wrestler would kiss.
Like ravishing Rick Rude.
Yeah, exactly.
So you pass out in the ring. Kisses, like a wrestler would kiss. Like ravishing Rick Rude. Yeah, exactly.
So you pass out in the ring.
My favorite infomercial right now is the one with... Because the Magic Bullet is pretty much accepted as a legitimate product.
Yeah, but the Bullet Express.
The Bullet Express.
That thing, I can watch that.
I have not enjoyed an infomercial this much since the Ron Popeil spaghetti maker with the chocolate pasta.
Oh, yeah, chocolate pasta.
It's this machine that looks like it is vomiting whatever is in it.
And you're like desperately trying to spin this plate.
Even in the infomercial,
it's going all over the counter.
And then they cut so close up
and it's all tidy
and people are just,
well, let me just place
the last few pepperonis.
Oh, man.
That, I can't stop watching that one.
I only just got all that,
okay, granny,
and he uses her false teeth to crimp the pie.
Oh, man.
Heavy metal.
Hi, Dave Graham and possible guests.
This is Arden from Chicago.
I just walked out of a thrift store, and as I was walking by, I heard someone go,
Hey, babe, here's a book on
cat horoscopes. Do you want me to grab it for you?
What? Cat
horoscopes. I thought she
said cat-a-ro-scopes. Maybe.
Yeah. You will be napping.
That's all.
Just every single one.
Feel like being pet, and
then you won't.
It's big of you to take a call from
Chicago.
I'm not mad at the city.
I'm not mad at the team.
Not Chi-Town.
I wrote that song with Chris Martin about it.
Alright, one last.
You got one last.
Hey Dave and Graham and guests.
This is Adam from Knoxville.
I was just calling in an overheard.
I know you guys enjoy good southern accents,
so I thought I had to include this one for you.
I was at Lowe's hardware store the other day picking up something,
and as I was getting in my truck there was this guy
and maybe his four
year old son I think getting in
their car and as I'm getting in my car
to leave I hear the
father tell the son
and I'm not
over exaggerating the accent at all
he says to his son
well they're going to call you Nike but when I put my Nike up your rear And I'm not over-exaggerating the accent at all. He says to his son,
Well, they're going to call you Nike,
but when I put my Nike up your rear, so... I like that because he...
I'm not going to exaggerate the accent at all.
And then he turned his own accent up 5%.
I do love the accent. You know it's it's one of
the it can always depend on the kindness of strangers i recently discovered a and by recently
i mean this morning i found a a video of a country singer that i guess specializes in
funny songs sung not in a silly style like they're sung like really
dramatic country songs like the way that any regular but they're funny yeah the one song that
he was talking about is how much he loves uh breasts and how he wants women in the audience
to flash him during the song and then there's a chorus for fat men in the audience to flash him
too and it was really funny but it's not sung funny and i've never heard of this, and then there's a chorus for fat men in the audience to flash him to. And it was really funny, but it's
not sung funny, and I've never heard of
this guy. And then I looked at his catalog, there's
one where he sings to his penis, and
I don't remember his
name. Garth Brooks, I think.
Chris Gaines.
And now look at Chris Gaines,
he's hosting the Global News.
Okay. Okay.
All right.
So, yeah, if you want to call us with overheards at 206-339-8328.
If you want to write in, stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com.
I understand you have an idea for a new segment.
I do.
I don't have a theme song for it.
Is it something that would need a theme song?
Let's see how well it goes.
Let's do it once.
Just one time.
With no theme.
Last week, we...
Two occasions during the podcast last week,
at one point we were talking about how off the mark usually it is
when a TV show tries to approximate pop music or a band or something like that.
Comedy.
Or comedy.
Yeah.
And then we also had a funny thing about a U2 cover band or tribute band.
Called U2.0.
And then we tried to come up with names for cover bands.
And I actually came up with a great U2 one.
That's right.
And you sent it to me.
Even better than the real thing.
That's great.
Oh, that is a good one.
It almost matches.
Which I still think is the high point of my
Stop podcasting yourself career
Which was the lead singer for
Recessive Gene Simmons
It's been all downhill from there
I'll tell you that much
And so
Basically that, we did that podcast
It was great, and then somebody
Cliff Nesterhoff actually posted
A thing from Get Smart The TV show where they had a band on called the Sacred Cows.
And that was a fake TV show band.
And then I looked online and I found a website called Rockalopedia Fake Bandica.
Oh, from BC.
see and uh this is a website that documents all the fake bands or musicians that have appeared in movies or tv shows over the years it's a really fun website and then i thought well if i can find
some real bands that are kind of obscure and see i'll give you guys a name of a band and you tell
me if it's a real band or a fake band that came from
rock so for instance the Zack attack are a fake band right or say by the back
what was the word of the Archie's fit in on this cuz they you know yeah that's
true that's true me you know I mean you know what that is
What was the one that they
Remember there was like a show
And they all wanted to go see
I think it was Saved by the Bell
Still they wanted to go
Beau Revere
Like that type of thing
On Roseanne I remember they wanted to go see Daisy Chainsaw
Oh Daisy Chainsaw
That sounds like it could be a real thing
I think there was a thing called the Daisyisy chain or no maybe i'm thinking pansy division sure all
right so here we go i've got a few of each and we'll see if you can guess and i'll it's not like
a race to see if i'll see what you think dave and what you think charlie okay all right should we
try and say something funny to Do we have buzzers?
Yeah, if you want to buzz in, that's alright.
I'm fine with that. Okay, the first band
is called
The Sack Attack.
Fudge Tunnel.
I'm gonna go...
Oh, sorry.
I'm gonna say real.
I'm gonna say it's a fake band.
From a very funny TV show. I'm going to say real. That's real? I'm going to say it's a fake band. You say that that's fake?
From a very funny TV show.
I think it's a real band and kind of like a campy, gay, like they play like leather bars and shit like that.
No, I think it's a fake band that exists along the Hershey Highway.
It's an all Oompa Loompa band.
Fudge Tunnel is actually a real band from Nottingham
in England.
Nottinghamshire. That's what I said.
Merry men.
The thing that I found is that Fudge Tunnel's
reputation was built around their massive guitar
sound and ironic sense of humor.
Have you guys seen the new Robin Hood?
No.
Soundtrack by Fudge Tunnel?
Yeah.
From Nottingham. Alright, the Fudge Tunnel? Yeah. I'm nodding him.
Alright, the next band
is Human Pudding.
Fake.
Fake. Bonus
if you can guess where it was faked from.
Can we have a hint?
It was a sitcom from the
late 80s, early 90s. Okay.
The Cosby Show.
No.
Not super far.
Well, far enough away.
Blossom?
Nope.
Full House.
Human Pudding.
Human Pudding.
Did they open for Fudge Tunnel?
No.
The Jesse and the Ripper?
No.
You said Cosby Show because of Pudding.
That's right. That's right.
That's all.
You just connected them in your mind.
The Kodak film band?
I don't know where on the show they were from.
Bill Cosby did Jell-O pudding ads for our young listeners.
My favorite on Zach Attack episode was when they had the
agent, the British agent
and they were like, oh are we going to do this thing?
And he's like, does Bart Simpson
have animated zits?
No.
And that was the way of saying, you bet we're going to do this.
But he doesn't have animated zits.
He's prepubescent.
Yeah.
Alright, alright. Where's Fluffy? Oh, oh, I know that. He's prepubescent. Yeah. All right. All right.
Okay.
Where's Fluffy?
Oh, oh.
I know that.
Do you know that?
Yeah.
Where's it from?
Nick and Nora's Infinite Forest.
Oh, very good.
So you're up on your...
On my Kat Dennings films?
Is that the girl in it?
Yeah.
Right on.
Very buxom.
She's very buxom, isn't she?
Yeah.
Oh, was she the little girl in 40-Year-Old Virgin?
Yes. She wasn't a little girl. She was still buxom, isn't she? Oh, was she the little girl in 40-Year-Old Virgin? Yes.
She wasn't a little girl.
She was still buxom.
All right.
All right.
Cain was able.
Oh, I think that's real and cheeky.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Cain was able.
Cain was able.
I'm going to say that's real as well. Yep. You're both saying it's real. We're not keeping score. I'm going to say that's real as well.
Yep.
You're both saying it's real.
We're not keeping score.
No, we're not keeping score.
It's all just for fun.
It's actually fake.
And it's from the TV show Beverly Hills 90210.
Oh.
That's a pretty good one.
Was this from the original 90210?
The original 90210.
Because that does sound...
Did they play at the Peach Pit?
That does sound like that's what bands were named back then.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that was real.
That's good.
Toad the Wet Sprocket.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Big Head Todd and the Monsters.
That's right.
Toad the Wet Sprocket.
What was their song again?
Fall Down.
Was that them?
I don't know.
Do you know that Toad the Wet...
Oh, have we...
Oh, I just started singing Toy Soldier.
But do you know what that name, where that was from?
That was from the...
Yeah, it was from Meet the Ruttles
or whatever. That was one of
the other bands. It's one of the worst
names ever for a band.
Toad the Wet Sprocket.
It was the name of another band in that movie.
Oh.
Anyways, okay, okay. This is good.
This is going along really well.
You know where the Tragically Hip
got their name?
I think we discussed this
on the podcast.
I thought it was from
an Elvis movie
and then I think it was
Pat Kelly who told me
I was wrong about that.
From the Monkees movie,
Head.
That's right.
Yeah.
I didn't know there was
a Monkees movie.
Okay, this band.
That's great.
Ready?
I've never seen it
Slint
Slint
That's real
That's real
Are you sure?
I feel like they're a girl band
Like a hardcore girl band
I always thought a good name for a hardcore girl
Like punk rock group would be
Rape Whistle
Yeah That's not bad actually hardcore girl like punk rock group would be Rape Whistle.
That's not bad, actually.
Slint is a real band.
They formed in Louisville,
Kentucky.
And they were from...
They were composed of the remains of a band
called Squirrel Bait.
The remains?
The remains of the day.
Okay. Hot Tuna.
Oh, that's
fake.
Fake?
Not to be confused with Hot Sunday
from Saved by the Bell as well.
That was from Saved by the Bell.
Hot Tuna, you both say fake?
It's actually real. It was a
rock band consisting of former Jefferson Airplane members.
Which, is this like some joined Jefferson Starship, some joined Hot Tuna?
I don't know.
That's a good question.
Hot Tuna, check it and see.
Don't eat me, I am full of mercury.
Well, I think you may have taught recessive gene symptoms.
All right.
All right.
Sex as a weapon.
Oh.
I'm going with real.
I feel like it might be something that former members of a girl group formed.
You're close.
You're in the right atmosphere.
Former members of Rape Whistle joined.
Yeah, or like former Spice Girls or All Saints members.
Oh, All Saints.
What happened to them?
So you're going to say it's real?
I'm going to say it's real.
You're saying it's real?
Yeah, I'm going with real.
It is actually fake.
No!
But here's the interesting twist it's from
the film house party three and the band sex is a weapon was played by real rap group tlc oh oh
yeah yeah there's a few movies where a real band plays a fake band like what was the name of the
in this in in singles pearl jam or something else citizen
dick citizen dick that's right and were the mighty mighty boss tones supposed to be them and clueless
where was that really them and in clueless yeah yeah the mighty mighty boss tones were in clueless
for sure as themselves no that's what i'm asking they were at a dance and yeah there was never
but the song they did was a mighty mighty boston song oh that's
interesting i didn't know that never have to knock on wood right no no it was um where do you where
did you go where do you go it's in one of the guitar hero or rock bands nice um but uh here's
one for you oh okay captain geach and the shrimp Shooters. Where is that from? Or who is it?
It's not a real band.
No, but that's from...
Isn't that the band...
Is that not the band that the band in That Thing You Do has to be?
Yes.
In the Beach movie?
Yes.
Wow, look at me.
A fake band playing another fake band.
How's this?
Try this one out.
Two Cubic Feet. Two cubic feet.
Two cubic feet?
Yeah.
Was it...
You'd know this if you read my Facebook notes three years ago.
Was it from an episode of Square One TV?
That's as good a guess as it's going to be made.
When I was in Lethbridge a couple years ago doing a show
in a sports bar during the playoffs and it was a show where we actually like the three comedians
who were there like we left with our backs to each other's backs like in like a fight crab
ready to go and uh there were posters all over uh for this lethbridge band. Two cubic feet. They were going to be playing.
I stole the poster.
It was awesome.
Okay, how about this?
Archers of Loaf.
Oh, real band.
Wow, quick.
Yeah, I think I've heard of them.
They're from Nottingham as well.
They open for Afghan wigs.
I don't know.
Actually, they open for Weezer on tour.
They're from North Carolina,
and they are a real band.
Okay, okay. Weezer on tour. They're from North Carolina and they are a real band. Okay.
Okay.
The Archers of Love always seems like a poop
reference. Do you know
it was a thing where they
just opened up a dictionary
kind of thing?
Alright, here we go.
Is this the last one?
Well, there's one that you
should be able to guess.
Okay.
I'm enjoying this.
Do as many as you want.
Okay.
How many do you have?
I have a couple more.
Okay.
Test icicles.
Oh, like testicles.
Yeah.
I'm going to say it's real.
You're going to say that's real?
Because Jerry Garcia originally wanted to name the The Grateful Dead The What was it
It was like the
Icicle tricycle bicycle
Or something like that
I don't know
It sounds awful
Icicle tricycle
Something like that
It's like you have to
Say it three times
So it could be
A crafty screenwriter
Test
Icicle
Okay
No I'm going to go
With real too
Yeah I've heard of them
Before that's why You've've heard of them before.
That's why I said I was going to go with real.
You've really heard of them before?
Okay, yeah, you're right.
That is a real band.
The test there from a short-lived dance punk band from England.
England.
The Wild Hots.
That sounds like a great fake band.
It does sound like a great fake band, but is it a great fake band?
Or is it an old real band?
It sounds like an old real band.
It does.
Well, that's why I fell in love with it.
I think it's real.
Is it the fake band from Animal House?
No, it is a fake band.
I'm terrible at this.
From Growing Pains.
Oh.
The Wild Hots.
Wild Hots.
Yeah.
As long as they've got each other.
All right.
And this is the last one I have.
Scratch.
That's probably both real and fake.
It is only one I referenced.
Are you sure that this website you went to is the be-all, end-all?
I don't think it's the be-all, end-all, but it was a great reference point.
This is the be-Arthur, end-Arthur.
But this I cross-referenced to make sure that it wasn't.
There's a DJ Scratch.
There's got to be more than one.
Who is there?
No, because wasn't DJ Scratch the name of the guy in The Roots who ironically didn't actually scratch?
He just went...
I think that's scratching.
No, with his mouth he did it.
Oh, he did it with his mouth.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There was two guys.
It was Rozelle and then Rozelle left.
And I think DJ Scratch was...
I saw him a lot.
He was incredible.
Oh, Rozelle left to do video games.
I'm going to call Scratch fake.
I'm going to call Scratch real.
Ooh, it is fake.
Yes!
It is from the television show The Sopranos.
Oh!
Was it the one that...
Meadow?
Because I was wondering the whole time, is he going to have the...
Oh, no, the one that wasn't fake.
Chrissy's girlfriend... Oh, my God.
Adriana?
Adriana.
She is managing the band and they sing the song and Hesh is like, that's not a hit.
Is that it?
I think that's it.
Scratch.
Scratch.
That is –
Had Hesh written a hit in like the 40s or something?
No.
Hesh used to fake –
Hesh was based on a real guy
well he was a composite of a real guy who was like this gangster who would just like he just
gave himself co-write uh right so that he was paid out in perpetuity uh but um i remember when
i saw that uh i've seen every episode of sopranos like four or five bra Quit bragging. And when I saw that, like, the verisimilitude of that, like, it's exact.
Like, you know, sometimes they try and make a bad song, but then it's too obvious that it's a bad song.
Like, this is a perfectly mediocre song where it's terrible, but you could see how someone listening to it would be like, oh, this is really good.
Like, it was amazing.
Blues Hammer. That was one of the ones this is really good. It was amazing. Blues Hammer.
That was one of the ones listed on the site.
Exactly that.
But Blues Hammer was perfect.
It was not perfect.
That whole movie,
if I could make one endorsement of the week,
it's going to be Ghost World.
If you haven't seen it.
Don't read the nerd novel books.
The nerd novel book is good
Is it lame?
No it's good
I don't read graphic novels
But it's
The book
The
The
The graphic novel's great
Except one about Palestine
But the movie is just
It's outstanding
And it was
The very beginning of a young
Scarlett Johansson story
And she's really
Let's be honest
She's been all downhill from there
Except for the man who wasn't there
She was great
Like and that was When she was kind of There was something neat and quirky about her, and now she's just kind of bombshell.
Wasn't she in Lost in Translation?
Yeah.
She was good in that.
Yeah, she was pretty good in that.
Got kind of a deep voice.
All right.
So let's round off this episode with a round of plugs.
Good first game of Fake Band, Real Band.
Yeah, I like it.
I don't know if backhands are bad.
You're welcome to it, Greg Fitzsimmons.
Hop on board.
I'm sure he has no
idea, by the way. No, I'm sure
he doesn't either. That's why I'm so loosey-goosey
with it. In this world
of comedy, there's
a very good chance at some point
in my life I'll end up meeting and or working with Mr. Fitzsimmons.
And stealing from.
Yeah, stealing his best closer.
Calling it even.
Shitting on the state.
Charlie, we mentioned earlier in the show that you're a writer of two books that you could buy online for our American listeners.
What are the names of the books, and where can they go?
Thank you very much, Grim.
These books are available in the States.
So Amazon.com is a safe bet.
We also have Canadian.
Yeah, and obviously to our Canadian listeners,
all the books are available in the Degrassi High Library.
All the books are available in the Degrassi High Library But the non-fiction book
The book of essays is called Vancouver Special
And that one is really catching fire
It has caught fire
A little bit
It's great
It's all about Vancouver
Graham and I are both in it
Yes, that's right
You are quoted in it
Yeah
Because I quote comedians from Vancouver.
Like, they're bits about Vancouver.
That's part of the book.
It's a really neat book.
If you do want to know, kind of, if you want kind of like a street-level view of Vancouver,
it's a great book.
And it's a very easy read, because you can read it essay by essay.
And it's got great pictures in it.
Beautiful photos by a guy named Emmanuel Buenviaje.
And Buenviaje is Spanish for Bon Voyage.
You do the math.
You're going to take a dirt
nap.
The novel is called
The Prescription Errors.
I haven't read it yet.
Really looking forward to it.
You unfortunately are not
quoted.
But yeah, it's a novel that came out last fall.
Both are great reads.
And really, check them out.
One I know is a great read.
The other one I'm sure is a great read.
I can testify both.
Great reads.
Thank you.
And if anybody...
Oh, and they're under Charles Demers.
Charles Demers.
Not Charlie.
I've got to class it up for the library crowd.
And are you playing anywhere in the near future that you'd like to plug?
I'm going to be doing a show at the East Vancouver Cultural Center at the CULTCH, as it's known colloquially, with Headwater.
Oh, nice.
The band, we're going to be...
Are they a real band or a fake band?
Very real.
And they will be... We're just going to be sort of double billing on June 24th at the Colts.
And you also – earlier than that, you're doing a show with Connor Haller at the Art Gallery.
No, the Museum of Vancouver.
My apologies.
Yeah, that will be really neat.
That will be – yeah, I wasn't sure whether to mention this because I wasn't sure if this would –
This will be out on this Sunday.
Oh, okay, beautiful.
So then this coming, whatever, it's the 28th.
Yeah, this Friday.
This Friday, if you're listening to this podcast within a reasonable amount of the release
date.
Yeah.
It'll be this Friday at the Museum of Vancouver.
Of course, listeners of the podcast know Connor Haller, a very, very, very, very funny young
man.
Three very. Four very. very very funny young man three very
four four various i did it on purpose okay uh and to be controversial yeah to kind of stir the pot
yeah and uh yeah he's very uh um well i don't the fifth you know what i think he's very funny
to the third degree yeah i'm gonna the fourth i to let slide. You slide in a fifth and you're getting, you're walking papers.
Yeah.
So he is hosting like this kind of live talk show thing at the Museum of Vancouver.
It's myself, Dan Mangan.
Why weren't we asked to host this show?
He doesn't even live in Vancouver anymore.
I love it.
He's only temporarily in Toronto, isn't he?
I don't know.
He's only temporarily in Toronto, isn't he?
I don't know.
Basically, I'm... This is the new Dave.
I'm going to...
Where's mine?
Yeah, give me some of that.
Yeah.
That'd be a good segment.
We'll have a theme song.
Where's mine?
Where's mine?
I'm very, very, very, very funny.
Yeah. Six varies.
So check those out.
And that will be actually a really fun show.
I'm going to try and show it myself.
It should be a lot of fun, yeah.
I'm not doing stand-up.
I'll be a guest.
Sounds fun.
Tonight show style.
Yeah, it's going to be...
Oh, more like...
No, wait.
You already said it.
Tonight show, too bad.
You guys love Jay Leno. This is a show for you. You're going to be... Oh! More like... No, wait. You already said it. Tonight show. Too bad. You guys love Jay Leno.
This is a show for you.
You're going to be a boss of the intern.
I was going to say, it's a 10 o'clock show.
It's more like that to me because I have to earn my plug.
Dave, you, in the coming future, you are going to be in Los Angeles, California.
Right.
I'm going to go to Los Angeles, California, and I'm going to be in this Maximum Fun Con.
Yeah.
No, wait.
No, you're going to be in the...
In this Maximum Fun Drive.
That's right.
I am going to be...
It's all culminating on Friday night, the 28th.
Don't bother going to Charlie's thing.
Stay home.
Go onto the internet.
Yeah.
And you can see an eight-hour podcast marathon, and I will be one of the guests on that.
Oh, wow.
At MaximumFun.org.
Yeah.
Jordan Jesse Go Marathon.
I'll be on that.
Representing.
Stop podcasting yourself.
Yeah, that's right.
I'll be wearing my Stop Podcasting Yourself suspenders.
But if you're in LA and you're – stop on by because they're doing it at a comic book store.
Yeah, I think you need to reserve.
Yeah, I'm sure the reservations are done, but it's a very small store.
Dave's a real social creature. If you want to meet him in
LA for dinner, send us
a message to stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com.
I'm very available for dinner.
Feed me.
Yeah.
And I got very little
going on in my life
Very little
It's true
But yeah again
June 4th
You're going to be at Secretaries
With YS
Yeah
I'm going to be at the warehouse
It's spelled like where is the house
But this is a sincere plug
For the Max Fund drive.
If you do one...
Oh, and if you're tired of us talking about it, this is the last time.
It's over.
Yeah, this is it.
This is the last week, yeah.
But do make a donation.
One-time donation is fine.
But if you have the money, a monthly subscription...
If you have the money, a million-dollar If you have the money, a million dollar donation.
Yeah, then that would be great.
Then we'd never have to do this again, like ever.
So if you're crazy and a millionaire.
And is the Cambrian Hall still happening on June 4th?
Yeah, but there will be another podcast before then.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, but we can promote that.
Because I promoted a June 24th thing.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Well, the Laugh Gallery in Vancouver is going to be on June 4th at the Cambrian Hall.
We've done that a couple times.
I think I'm on that show.
I'm certainly doing the sound for it.
I think you're on the show, too.
I'm not booking it.
That's all.
I'm on the show, and I've also been asked to do Mitch Mendel, the Dancing 90s comic.
Oh, you're carrying on.
Not to be missed.
Yeah, but I also have to figure out a way for it to end.
I never really wrote in an arc to that joke.
The Y2K Crisis.
Oh, that might not be bad.
Or Sex is a Weapon comes in.
Does a turn.
But yeah, check out MaximumFun.org and check out the donate spot if you have any extra scratch and come
on back here next week for another
wonderful episode
of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Wunderbar.