Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 15 - Paul Anthony

Episode Date: June 10, 2008

Comedy renaissance man Paul Anthony joins the boys to talk public access TV and dip into the Celebrity Crush Hat. Also, Ottawa correspondent Brad MacNeil calls in with some corrections.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to number 15 of the podcast series Stop Podcasting Yourself. Number 15 out of 1,200, which I was informed earlier is over 1%. But less than 2. But less than 2? Did you just check that on your cell phone?

I turned off my cell phone. Good for you. That guy who just turned off his cell phone is Dave Shumka and I am Graham Clark and joining us here this week for this week's show is a comedian, actor, show producer, what else can we throw in that mix?

Dancer, rapper. Dancer, singer. Now television producer. Television producer. Performance artist. Champion Panther. Champion Panther. now television producer television producer performance artist champion panther champion panther paul anthony is joining us thank you hey thanks for coming

oh man it's so happy to be here it is so happy it is a happy time where do you live do you live close or far what's your address yeah what's your address but tell us only the first five

numbers of the postal code and go i uh i did paul's show i'm interrupting him uh i paul hosts a live show called talent time at the biltmore very good show fun thank you and he does a chat segment and uh just as i was asking paul his address he asked me my phone number on stage in case people wanted to send me ideas for jokes and then so i gave that out and he did and someone uh i asked a couple minutes later if anyone remembered it and someone shouted out my phone number nice and then uh i gave out the the the web address of this podcast and I asked people to shout that out later, and nobody did. Yeah, it's tough.

Phone numbers are easy. I think that's the general capacity of the human brain, is seven numbers and one or two words, and that's it. That's why Indiana Jones, nobody knows what the rest of the movie is. They remember Indiana Jones, but they don't know that it's whatever the hell.

I don't know. Kingdom of the Leboeuf. Okay, well, we'll get to that in a moment, I think. But, Paul, you've listened to the podcast before. I have. You know how it rolls. Yeah. What do we do right off the top?

Little thing we call get to know us. I love that he couldn't that's how i that's called the recovery yeah what i did there but i know that there's a theme song to it get to know us um paul yes let's get to know you what's going on with you man what's new what's shaking um well talent time's becoming a tv show that's pretty exciting that's for you you were telling me about on the on the cable access station which actually has been my dream like some people like they think they want to do like dave letterman show or something ever since you saw wayne's world yeah before that oh

really yeah i was watching cable access when i was like years old. When you grew up in Winnipeg. Winnipeg, yeah. So what was on the Cable Access? VPW? It was called VPW, Vidion PW. Vidion Public Winnipeg. I don't know. I'm guessing the W is Winnipeg.

I'm just going to throw it out. Public, maybe. I don't know. a bank i'm just gonna throw it out public i maybe i don't know but yeah uh there were there was this great show where these um old ladies uh in a retirement home called the cosmopolitans wow yeah they they and they take requests sounds really good and they were playing like on the organ they were playing like led zeppelin and stuff and they would play you would call in with a request live request too which they stopped because people kept on calling and saying rude things to these ladies. Oh, my God.

But they were incredible. Was there public television out here? Because there certainly was in Calgary. I don't think it was Shaw. I can't remember who it was. Well, it was Channel 10. Oh, I know Channel 10. In Calgary.

It was Channel 10, and it was the cable access and there was a guy there's a comedian named clark robertson and they had a show that was called like whacked out and it was friday nights at 11 and they do like all these crazy it was kind of like before tom green was around right and before like he started on cable access yeah yeah cable access cable access what was the one out here? It wasn't Shaw. Yeah, it's Channel 4 that we have. It used to be Rogers. And it used to be significantly cheaper.

Yeah, now we have Urban Rush, which is the daily live show. Which is huge. With the minorest of celebrities. The minor most. Oh, but we still have Mike and Fiona. We still have some pretty cheap shows well yeah the only one it's mostly council coverage but but the only one that comes to mind is rockinitis rock oh rock have you not seen rockinitis oh that is the best happening right

now yeah it is happening right now it's usually at night i don't know but it's two old dudes and they're at a desk that they've obviously decorated with stuff from their house like there's a jukebox and like an old neon clock and they just sit around and they talk about old time music yeah but they only play a portion and they play records right yeah yeah i've heard about this show yeah i'm dying to see it yeah no it is amazing i've got a pbr full of them oh really no oh see that's it i mean cable access has that capacity to have like great shows the thing is they're cheap there's no money so just like go with it i mean they try to make classy

shows but it always looks cheesy do you think that the internet has now just usurped all the use of this because cable tv that used to be where you'd get to see two old ladies playing an organ, but now you'd see that on YouTube or whatever. But if you type in two old ladies playing an organ, whoop-de-dip-de-do. Yeah, you're going to have a hard time finding the cosmopolitans.

But when I was a kid, there used to be a show called The Complaint Department. And it was a call-in show, and people would be like, I hate it when people litter. And then the guy would just be like, next. Or would he fight them on it? No, no. They wouldn't engage at all.

Okay, cool. Okay, cool. Yeah, litter's bad. Okay, next. That's amazing. Just an hour of people saying what's shitty about their litter. The Complaint Department. So what is your show on cable going to be?

What are you going to bring to the cable TV universe? Well, it's going to be what the live show is, which is a chat variety comedy show. Yeah. Some great comics and other acts and people I find off the internet, which is always interesting. Yeah, you find people off of Craigslist. Yeah, I put an ad on Craigslist looking for... Yeah, and there's... You get a lot of responses from that?

What section do you put it in? Casual encounters? Yeah. No, gigs or something. I try to put it in as many places as possible. They don't like that. That's what she said. What? Whoa, really? Hey. I try to put it in as many places as possible. They don't like that. That's what she said. Whoa, really?

Did you really do that? Did I? I'm not even sure that... That makes sense. Is there a way that you can reflect that? That's what she said. Wow. Wow, man.

In this day and age. You're a real comic. He is the real deal. So that's awesome. When does that start? Do you know? You have a real comic. He is the real deal. So that's awesome. When does that start? Do you know? You have a start date? Well, we have our first taped show, which is a week yesterday, like June 4th.

June 4th, everybody. Which is going to be one month ahead of America's birthday. Oh, wow. Yeah, I'm really excited about the first televised show. We've got a great lineup, dude. Sounds pretty good. I like that you're not telling us who it is dandy wind is on i yeah dandy wind is playing which i'm so excited about dandy wind what's dandy wind an amazing band one of my favorite live

bands you know of them they uh a crazy artsy electronic uh, former Vancouver-based Montreal screaming lady. Oh, yes. With crazy costumes. Crazy costumes. I'm in. The best part was she said, wow, yeah, this sounds great. I'd love to do it. Can we bring our set?

Here's pictures. And she sent me to a photo album. There was 26 photos of the set. And I looked and I'm like, yeah, this is what Talent Time is all about. Bring your sets. We'll make 3D walkthrough. Yeah. This is what Talent Time is all about. Bring your sets. We'll make people wait 10 minutes. Yeah.

Yeah, no, that's fantastic. And what else is going on? Or is that your main thrust these days? Anything weird happen to you in the last couple weeks? Oh, yeah. Always. You're a magnet for it. Aren't you? A little bit yeah i

came actually here directly from our community bikes oh yeah what's going on down there automatic did i say bites i meant bikes no well uh bicycles yeah because yeah to somebody who wouldn't know it might be uh like a bakery our community bites or just an anti-community newspaper. Our community bites. Run by two 12-year-olds. That's going to be the teenage segment on Talent Time. Our community bites. Yeah, I like it. Recruit some teenagers.

How do you do that? I want promises of candy. Yeah. No? I had some great candy last night. Did you? Well, save me for later. Okay.

All right, dang candy. I actually want the Talent Time show to gravitate more towards that. I want it to be a community show. I'm going to have this girl in rollerblades on the seawall talking about what's happening at the library this week. Right, yeah. And so our community bites would be a good thing. There's going to be a reading at the Mount Pleasant Community Library. There's always like they show free documentaries or they show you how to like make your own paper or something.

Isn't it weird? Because we do. We have a library and we have these like community organizations that do things like that all the time. And I literally do not know a single person that takes part in any of them. I do. Do you? And that's what I want to advertise on the show.

You live a rich life. Well, I just like... Do you guys have library cards? Yes. Oh. And I also have four of my closest friends' library card numbers saved on my phone. See, I did the same thing.

I bought my friend's library card numbers saved on my phone see i did the same thing i bought my friend's library card off of him because i owed 85 worth of overdue fees so i bought his identity but then uh the card name got smudged off from being pulled in and out of the wallet so i couldn't remember his last name and that's when i was cold busted at the library well what, what's your last name? Well, they did. They said, we can't find the number because the last number. And she said, how do you spell your last name? And I was like, I'm going to go. I just walked out.

I left the card there. And I had to go back, pay the $85, and get a new card. You memorized his birth sign and everything. Yeah. And I even did an impression of him and wore the same color coat that he would wear. Did you guys use fake IDs when you were children? Hell yeah. Oh, my yes.

Did you? No. Really? What? I didn't drink a beer until I was 19 years old. No kidding. Wow. You saved yourself up.

That must have been a good birthday. How drunk did you get? Oh, no. I didn't even do it that night really yeah so that that what the temptation factor was not no no the temptation factor was not there at all really huh i'm shocked because i and i didn't even drink beer like the first couple years because i it didn't taste good it doesn't oh oh yeah it does now, though. Oh, yeah. It does now. We're drinking beer right now, listening people. Here's the thing.

When did you start drinking beer? When did you start drinking? What was your first drink? How old were you? I think it was grade six. Grade six? Now, was that a full drink? That was getting drunk.

You got drunk in grade six? Yeah. I don't know how old that is, but I remember. That's about 12? What that was getting you got drunk in grade six yeah well i don't know how old that is but i remember it's about 12 what did it take to get drunk in grade six not much i don't really remember that i remember though that how did that happen i don't remember i remember a couple key nights that i got really drunk and was taken home to my parents but i can't remember you know the first by whom i don't remember strangers whomever i remember one one morning i woke up and i was like yes i'm in my bed i know i got drunk last night and i got home to my bed everything's awesome and you put your beds out on the lawn oops yeah

and uh i go to the bathroom and like like morning mom and she's like how do you feel this morning i'm like okay why she's like you weren't okay last night i'm like what when we had to pick you up and you were barfing and i'm like huh oh wow yeah so oh black out aroo yeah we did that thing where you go to the liquor cabinet and you can't you know you have to take a little bit out of every bottle. What did you guys call that? We just called it getting drunk. You got a special name? No, we had a name for that particular concoction. You mixed them all together? Yeah, it was either called shit mix or swamp mix.

So somebody would have a bottle, usually a 7-Up bottle or something like that, with that much, like an inch of vodka and then another inch of like finger of ram buoy oh yeah everything that could possibly yeah anything sherry maybe throw a little sherry on top of that baileys yeah and then you know something that didn't even have alcohol in it that was my favorite grenadine you're confused because it was in the same cabinet. It's just anything in the cabinet goes in there. Today I was at IGA buying some crab. Right. And there was a woman and she was only buying lime cordial mix.

That's it? Yeah. She's going to go have some. She's going to have a lime Ricky? I guess so. I don't know what. I know it's some kind of stuff you mix with booze if you're an old lady. I think that you make a mint julep, I think, with that.

Possibly. That's an old person's drink. You can never be on a date with a girl and order a mint julep. Unless you're at the Derby. Yeah. And you're Jerry Orbach. But he's not. Unless you're in Sears Sucker.

You've never heard of mint julep? No. Do you guys realize we've opened about i think eight like windows of conversation yeah yeah never followed through that's how we did that's how we roll okay do you want to jump through a window of conversation which one do you want to jump through we'll jump through it no i'm you know those improv guys are really good at you know tying everything up oh well don't worry we tie it up oh no oh i can't do that we mostly tie it up on the blog oh Oh, okay.

No, I'm cool. I'm just the guest. No, but I'm wondering is there a particular avenue that we should jump through and explore? No. No, they're all great. But the shit mix thing,

did you ever do that? You didn't ever do that because you didn't drink until you were 19 and then once you're at 19 you're not going to raid your parents' liquor cabinet. Although you should just to get the experience one time. Oh, I got a good tip for kids out

there who are going to do it and come home drunk. Listen up, kids. If you're going to come home drunk and you might get away with it, this was what I did one smart, smart night coming home. So drunk. And my mom's like, you're drunk. And I'm like, no, I'm not. That doesn't work. That totally doesn't work. And's like you're drunk and i'm like no i'm not that doesn't work yeah that

totally doesn't work and then you're drunk mom yeah she's like what did you drink and i'm i'm like nothing and in my drunk head i had a brilliant idea i said because i've watched a lot of you know tv shows yeah i said all i drank was the punch. And my mom, God rest her soul, she's still alive, but God rest her soul, she looked at me and her mouth wide open and said, oh my God, Paul, they spiked the punch.

That is beautiful. Has anyone ever spiked the punch in the history of punch? No, because you wouldn't take your booze and just give it away. Just give it away like that. I think it might have been maybe in the 50s. That would seem to be a high time to spike a punch. This party is so lame.

Glip, glip, glip, glip, glip. That's awesome. It works. That was a tip for kids out there. But I don't think we have any kid listeners. But I'm curious if we do. Call in. Give me your phone number. Well, why don't I we have any kid listeners. But I'm curious if we do. Call in. Give me your phone number again.

Well, why don't I just give the email address? Stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com. Let us know if you're a kid. If you're a youth. And you're listening to us. Because podcasting is the wave of the future. And I'm pretty sure the only people who listen to us are the wave of the past. Yeah, we've got to get some of the wave of the future.

I think it's the wave of the middle. The wave of the past don't know we got to get some of the wave of the future. I think it's the wave of the middle. The wave of the past don't know how to. We got the two Rockonitis guys listening to us. They're all like, we got to plug. Oh, mic that. That was good. Here's one thing that I thought was brilliant. Now, see, that's the drunk logic, right?

Which you think, I'll sneak into the house, I'll take off my shoes outside so that nobody will hear me walk up the stairs or whatever. I, here's what I did. I went an extra level one night. I took off my shoes at the curb and walked up the driveway in the sock feet. Did it work? Yeah. Oh, like a charm. Except that in the morning, when it like, and it took a good couple of hours.

It was Calgary, and it was about April, and my shoes were gone when I went to go collect them the next morning. Either somebody had come along and said, these are mine now, or somebody threw them in the garbage, but that was me. Those were good shoes, too. It could have been garbage day. You actually left them at the curb. I might have. Yeah. I was drunk. It could have been garbage day. You actually left them at the curb. I might have.

Yeah, I was drunk. Hey, who knows? Exactly. My East, dude. But being drunk in Winnipeg and drunk in Calgary, that was the thing when you were teenagers. At some point, you ended up walking home in minus 30 whatever conditions, and slowly, you think you're really pacing it out well,

and you're drunk because you're a little warmer because you're drunk but uh did you ever get any like do you ever have any friends fall asleep in snowbank or any oh hell yeah yeah yeah i passed out in the middle of the road once but that's actually not a good story like i almost like yeah i could have bit the bucket that night but he didn't and he's here no i'm here I'm here. Oh, is he? The ghost of Paul Anthony is joining us today. Don't drink! Tell her they spiked the punch! So Dave,

you're sitting over there, and you've told us that you did not drink until you were 19, but what happened to you this week? Let me switch gears right like that. When you started drinking. Well, one thing I discovered is we have a rival podcast. to you this week. Let me switch gears right like that. When you started drinking. Well, one thing I discovered is we have a rival podcast. What? I've decided

they're our rivals. It's on. Why? They've only had two episodes. They're called... Well, I'm not going to give their fucking name. Welcome to our dimension. You're 13 short. Anyways, go on. Come on, guys. Good luck catching up.'re called uh the exploding

sandwich yeah are they no there it doesn't sound good they're locals and uh well i just what are you strawberry alarm clock exploding sandwich what are you the electric shoes yeah exactly there we go now we got the birds reference um and uh i was looking on iTunes for Vancouver Comedy Podcasts, and I discovered these guys. And they're two improvisers. I think their names are both Daryl. Sure. Sounds made up.

Sounds made up. It sounds like there's an inauthenticity. I think if you're improvising, you can come up. They're like, what's my name? My name is Daryl. What's your name? Daryl. Ah, crap. They're obviously not good improvis name is Daryl. What's your name? Daryl! Ah, crap!

They're obviously not good improvisers. Don't block! Don't block! And, yeah. And their episodes are only 20 minutes long. We're about 20 minutes in at this point, and we're just getting rolling. We are just starting. So here's the thing, Exploding Sandwich. Would you like to be guests on a real podcast?

Yes! Could you please bring an extra mic let's uh i'm ready to start a war with these guys i have no idea who they are they might be friends of mine yeah they uh i looked at their list of future guests and it's people we know oh yeah oh really who's on uh your your bronx cheer guys wow that sounds good where do i hear this shut up you we're gonna have those guys too we're gonna have them and it's gonna be better me jeez yeah well you know why because they don't care that's well because you don't know evan and evan daryl and daryl man i don't think either of those are their real names or their

actual names here's the thing i think that we're the podcast that cares and obviously they are not well we must care because we did that telethon for the kids that's right and we raised a lot of money huh who's kids the kids oh i love the kids yeah kids are all right so we've got a rival that's good that is gonna keep me going when i wake up in the morning yeah and i'd make me do those push-ups that i've been putting off and uh if you're a member uh if you're one of these if those two are listening to this podcast good luck i just want to say what why wouldn't they be listening oh no i just meant good luck oh yeah good luck i meant that i didn't i'm sorry if it sounded menacing you didn't realize that was totally sarcastic and menacing?

I had a medical procedure a year ago that removed that part of my brain where I recognize that I'm being sarcastic. Very funny. It is very funny. The same thing happened to me. Anyway, I just want you guys to know that I'm listening to your podcast, too.

There you go. Why are you extending an olive branch to our newfound enemies? Oh, no, what I meant is... Oh, say that's the other part of your brain that was removed. Say I'm menacing. Yeah. I'm listening. No, wait, that's Fraser Crane.

Yeah. I'm listening. Yeah, because you didn't even do it with your hand. We're watching you. Oh, and one thing... There you go. That was pretty good. It's not watching. No, I got it. But one thing they did do it. We're watching you. Oh, and one thing. There you go. That was pretty good. It's not watching.

No, I got it. But one thing they did, they kept calling about Simon Fraser University, but they kept calling it Fraser. Ooh. Maybe it was a joke. Black mark. I don't think so. Because they're on the radio.

Maybe it was a joke, but I'm not laughing. That's pretty good. If it was a joke. God, what's the address again? I'm going to check these guys out. Just look up Paco and Paco. Look up number two podcast. No fear.

They actually had more downloads this week than we did. Oh, wow. It's the kids starting out. No, it's the kids, man. I'm telling you. They, you know. What? Did I stop? No. Yeah, you know. What, did I stop? No, yeah, you did.

Did you think you were still talking? Yeah, I was going to start talking about our community bikes again. You were going to loop it back around. Wow. You know what I call... You do work in loops. You know what I call our community bikes? The OC bikes.

Oh, clever. Maybe. Jury's up. Yeah, so that's not anything that actually happened to me, but who cares? Let's move on to you. Oh, I went to the dentist today and found out that one of my fillings is broke. And so I have to go back in. But I was just there last week for a cleaning

and then i went in for a checkup which lasted all five minutes you look good by the way thank you very much they're mostly filled with metal and i really want to just have them removed it's a good thing you're not allergic to metal i might be maybe that's why this filling broke loose it doesn't want to be a part of my head so i yelled a bit at my dentist which i'm does not like me that's like a fantasy come true to yell at a dentist i didn't i didn't escalate to but i really put him in the corner a little bit because he realized that it was his bed they did his dental assistant should have seen that shit last week and then I wouldn't have had to come in for this extra thing, and now I've got to go back again.

So I kind of had a bit of a fit, and he really backed down, which dentists usually do not. Well, he probably thought you were drug-seeking, you're having a fit, and then you get the laughing gas. Yeah, I wanted the laughing gas. Have you had laughing gas? Yeah, oh, it's great. I've always had Novocaine.

That's probably why I hate the dentist so much. Have you had laughing gas? Yeah, oh, it's great. I've always had Novocaine. That's probably why I hate the dentist so much. Have you had it? No. It's the best thing. And I'm not saying that lightly. I mean, better than a rainbow. It is better than a rainbow. How much I can confirm.

I haven't been to the dentist in 10 years since high school. And my dentist has since retired so if i ever do go to a dentist i'll have to get a new one and i saw this sign on fourth avenue in kitzilano that said dentistry while you sleep yeah but this is the thing about that is there's i listen to the old time radio station whenever i'm at work right right and it's the 650 see yeah yeah all right we go it's senile see oh and they advertise a thing it's called conscious sedation and that's what it is they push yeah it's not knocking you out with gas but it's basically putting you

into like a nap like state they work on teeth, and then you wake up at the prescribed time, and your dental work's already done. And according to the commercial, it's like waking up from an afternoon nap, which I do most afternoons. There you go. I listen to sports talk radio, and the more I listen to it, the more I realize that... You need to buy Axe Body Spray.

No, no, no. The target audience is just... They seem like pathetic losers. Because it's all ads for... Refinancing your house? Refinancing your house. Or making your home equity work for you. Alpine credits. Yep.

Damn right. Baldness cures. Weight loss. Let's stop there for one second No let's not Vasectomies Who's got the headphones Graham I do See it's the theater of the mind

I have the headphones now Now you have the headphones It's incredible Baldness cures That's no such thing You can't cure it It's plugs. Baldness cures. Yeah. That's no such thing. You can't cure it. It's a thing that has... It's plugs or a wig.

That's all you can do. There is no cure for baldness. There are other treatments. Well, no. But I think this place was plugs, actually. Yeah. Have you seen plugs, though? What does Jeremy Piven use?

Really? Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. Oh, he looks good. Yeah, but he was gone. He was almost gone back when he was on Ellen. Right. Now he's all of a sudden got a full head of hair

again. Was he on Ellen? It's called Money. Yeah. He was on the TV show in the 90s where she came out as gay. Yeah, I remember he... It had Ellen DeGeneres in it. That's why it was called Ellen. I remember it as These Friends of Mine. That was the first season and that was with the other guy before Jeremy Piven.

They kicked that guy off. Are you gross? What? Is that his name? I believe so. A-R-Y-E. I thought he was asking you are you gross? The answer is no. Thank you. You're welcome. Jeremy Piven also played the George Costanza character in the

show within a show, Jerry in Seinfeld. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Wow. There you go. His character name was, or wait, his character in the show within the show was George, I think. He was the one who stole the reasons.

But he played Jeremy Barth as George. Wow. That was a little segment we like to call Pivenology. Yeah. And go back to Say Anything, and there's a great scene of him in the parking lot of a 7-Eleven. The John Cusack movie? Yeah. He was in every John Cusack movie, much as Joan Cusack was in every John Cusack movie.

Jeremy Piven. Yeah, but there was a movie called PCU. Yep. And Jeremy Piven was almost totally bald. He was as balding as you can be before you're cut off and you're called bald. And now he's got a full head of hair. There is a cutoff point where you're not bald, where it's not happening anymore. Balding, balding, balding.

Balding. There is a line. there is a line i was actually thinking about uh toupees and out every time you see a toupee you can't you have to stare at it yeah and maybe if guys wearing toupees think that it's really awesome like girls with large breasts looking at guys always look at their breasts. So guys with toupees are like, hey, my eyes are down here. My eyes are down here. I like it. Yeah, I don't... I don't know. Anyways, should we move on?

Did we do your week? Yeah, we did. I got something. About Graham Clark? Oh, shit. Here we go. I got the new West Ender that I picked up at the coffee shop on the way here and it says, our pick,

20 people who are doing something meaningful, trailblazing, or just plain cool. I don't think I fall under any of those categories. Our pick, 20 under 29. And I was just interested to see who the heck was in this. This was literally five minutes ago. Oh, they've got a review of Don't Mess

With The Zohan. I heard that's good. Oh, yeah. It's going to be this summer's love guru. Look at that guy. It's if he's under 29. No, you're right. He's the guy who invented plenty of fish. Oh.

Is that a Vancouver thing? Yeah. Wow. Good for us. That must have been, I don't know, born in 1929. She gets a giant photo. She gets a huge photo. Did you read his thing?

Is he seeing anyone? He said he was out of work like everyone else. And then they started this, and now they're quadrillionaires. And look, down here on this page, I read a couple, and then I'm like, oh, these are all losers. And then, boom, there's Graham Clark. Right there. Following up on the loser. Stand-up comedian Graham Clark, Vancouver's clown prince of comedy.

That's, I didn't even know. Graham Clark was 14 when he first took the stage, you know this, at the Stampede. I was there, yeah. Where they said there was this, like, dancers and stuff. Yeah, there was a group doing a TLC medley. Which sounds great. I want them for talent time, actually. And that's, I wonder if they're still together.

Did they do waterfalls? I think it was water, but no, it was a medley. Which sounds great. I want them for talent time, actually. And that's, I wonder if they're still together. Did they do Waterfalls? I think it was Waterfalls. But no, it was a medley. It was the greatest talent time. I'm gonna ask for other songs later. Yeah, Waterfalls was in it. I don't know any others. Not Scrubs. It was pre-Scrubs. Oh, it was before that?

It was pre-Scrubs, yeah. I don't know. But, uh, yeah, I don't know. But, yeah, I don't know. But I want them on the show. I think anyone who can make a medley out of anything. Genius. Good call. Do you know, they call you the value village clad man who was once East Vancouver's whispering hero of hilarity

is no longer a secret. Having just won the prestigious nationwide contest for $25,000 of comedy chain Yuck Yuck's money, Clark's live show, The Laugh Gallery, currently on hiatus while it finds a new location, has been a weekly favorite on the commercial drive for years with a surreal mix of stand-up, bad movie giveaways, and flea market procured raffle prizes.

Plus, the talent and charm that has landed Clark prestigious gigs with legends new and old. From comedians of comedy to Smothers Brothers. Check that out. Our very own Graham Clark. Written by Charlie Demers. Previous guest of the show here at the...

And if you're looking for this article, it was in a paper two weeks ago. Oh, oh right because we're coming out yeah that's right we're stockpiling that's right we're stockpiling so don't look for it well you're gonna miss the new talent time show too so you promote next you promote july's i don't have july's yet that's okay it's all right it's a theater of the mind um do we want to move along to get to know us no we did that. How about Overheard? Why don't we do that?

It's the same thing. Here comes the theme song. Overheard. Yeah. That's the space one. And here comes the real theme song. Overheard. Overheard. Graham, tell us what it means

It means we've overheard something In the last couple of weeks It could be Often You're going to hear people say things And they don't know that you're listening And then you remember them and you tell your friends And that's what we're doing right now

Let's start with our guest, Paul. You guys are our friends. Yeah. What do you got? This is amazing because I was actually listening to your podcast. I was walking down to the beach and I took the podcast off. I was in the washroom. I came out and I heard this and I'm like, oh my God, I wish I was on their show because I would have it overheard.

Ah, yes. That's pretty amazing. How long ago did that happen? This was like a week because I would have it overheard. Ah, yes. That's pretty amazing. How long ago did that happen? This was like a week ago. And then we asked you. Yeah, like a couple days after. I know. Dreams come true.

Dreams do come true. Because we've already found out that Paul's dream of having a cable access show came true. I know. And Dave's dream of having a rival podcast. That was one of your dreams. And your dream of being featured in the West Ender. It came true. So dreams come true. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. So I saw this man.

Now, he was a very inebriated homeless man, and he was teetering outside of the English Bay public washrooms. And his eyes were intently focused down the beach. Like, his eyes could cut glass. He was focused, very focused out at the water.

And I walked out, and I heard him say, I'm going to go down there, and I'm going to collect every bottle you've ever had in your life. I can do it, and I will do it. He was a self-motivator. I know. That's awesome. People think homeless people have no drive, but he had a goal, and he was going to do it.

And he was saying it like it was an affirmation. Yeah, yeah. That's awesome. That's a mantra. Mantra? Mantra. One of them. Mantra was the one that fought Godzilla.

I'm thinking of the TV show Mantis. Mantra? Mantra. One of them. Mantra was the one that fought Godzilla. What was the... I'm thinking of the TV show Mantis. Oh. Who isn't? This hour. Whatever hour you're listening to this, dude. Think about Mantis for a second. That's awesome. That's great.

I overheard. He was obviously the Tony Robbins of homeless people. Yeah. He was the Tony Robbins of homeless people. I think homeless people have goals. They're just different goals. They're like, I'm i'm gonna get so drunk i'll never remember anything yeah and they do that's a goal yeah and then they just keep doing that and they don't remember that they have a job and then they don't you know remember to pay their bills and you know if

you're a homeless person and you're listening to our podcast uh let us know stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com. Do you want to go? Should I go? Do you want to go? I'll go. Mine's more of an overseen. Imagine this, people. I actually kind of sought this out. I emailed you this information earlier, because we were talking a couple weeks ago about

professional wrestlers. Yes. And then local professional wrestlers yes and then local professional wrestlers oh right yes and then i told you that in november we missed a uh a local professional wrestling event featuring uh our favorite band showcore showcore i'm the bone cracker the band famous for the song bone cracker the back attacker yeah that sounds great uh they do it up wow i like uh the local wrestling events would uh have a mixture of wrestling burlesque and heavy metal and wow as abby did point out on the last or two podcasts ago on the blog that the referee was a little person.

So it was really, if you, talent time, you would love this. You would love the wrestling thing. It's very talented. But I told you that, but then I was looking for future wrestling events to attend and there will be one this weekend but not

when you're listening to this, it will pass. This weekend in time of time. Why can't you just put this out right? Why does it take two weeks? Well, because Graham's going away for July and we want to have enough to last. To make it seem as if I'm here in town. Why don't you just have a guest? Co-host?

A co-host? Are you volunteering? You think somebody, these are pretty canoe-sized shoes we're talking about filling here do you think honestly well just you know the internet's so immediate this whole this medium can be so immediate so okay sure i feel like i'm at a techno everything we've been talking about is like, well, next week, well, this week, you know. And yet the most newsworthy thing I'm going to mention is a wrestling event. A local wrestling event that no one would have attended anyway in Surrey. That's where you got to see it, by the way.

I noticed that one of the matchups was a tag team matchup. This is my overseen. And one of the tag teams was made up of Sid Silam and Dropkick Murphy. And the other one... It's a band. Speaking of bands, the other one was a tag team called Los

Bon Jovis. Wow. Is it a cross between Los Crudos and Bon Jovi? Or Los Lobos? Los Crudos is one of my favorite. I think it Crudos and Bon Jovi or Los Lobos? That would be awesome. Los Crudos is one of my favorite. I think it might be Jon Bon Jovi and drummer Tico Torres.

But I looked up their picture and they're little tiny guys. They're not midgets. We mentioned little people before. They're just small guys uh and it looks like they got the the wrestling face masks but they didn't make them in a size small enough for them oh so they're all weird and chunky on their heads giant heads that's awesome they move around i thought that one tag team was going to be called deaf leopard that's what i was that's where i thought it was going they're all that's a segment that's a future segment wrestler or indie band see if you can figure out

my favorite indie band is Def Leppard yeah okay here's one that I heard on the train today when I was going out to Valley Village and I'm not sure if this is I understand your value village clad clad. Yeah, I am right now. And you just said you bought a new shirt. That's not a bad little sweater, eh? Yeah, and you're very proud of it. I'm very happy. Did you buy the sport coat you were telling me about?

No, it was, what I did, this is the thing, I found a very nice sport coat, but it was a bit long, and I just, Dave happened to call, and I asked him how long is too long for a sports coat, and he gave a pretty good you gave a pretty good like rule uh which was supposed to be like wherever kind of your thumb was as you held it down like that would be kind of the bottom of the sports jacket so I would need to have it hemmed so then I called I just called 411 and said give me the number of a tailor and

she said we don't do that and I'm like listen like i don't care the number of a1 tailor yeah she's that's what she did she said give me okay we'll say a letter out of the alphabet and i was like i don't know d and then she's like okay one second right like you brightened up her day she couldn't make that executive decision but uh i called and it was $45 to have it fixed. So that would have been $60 all in for a coat that's just okay. In this day and age. I could have bought a nicer coat. In this day and age. And I will.

I will do it. I can do it. And I will. Have you ever had a... Never mind. Please. Please, Dave. Anyways.

Go on. Go on the Please. Please, Dave. Anyways. Go on. Go on. We're done. I was sitting behind this, or sitting in front of, rather, this couple that the whole time I was listening to music and then I was like, no, they're going to say something hilarious. They're talking too loud to not say something hilarious. And they're talking the whole time about, like, you see that's a Home Depot over there? Home Depot, hey, they got that burger place in there.

An A&W? No, not an A&W. I don't like their sauce. It tastes like chili mix or something. They go on and on like this for station after station. It was Harvey's. And then at one point, it is Harvey's, she asks him, should we just hitchhike?

And he's like, nobody's going to pick us up. We're not going to get picked up. She's like, why not? Look at you. That's what he says to her. Look at you. Wow. And then he pinches her on the leg, and she says, I told you not to do that.

And then he does it again, and he goes, stop being such a fag to his girlfriend. Oh, my God. Stop being such a fag to his girlfriend. Oh, my God. Stop being such a fag. It was great. And then, this is just an addendum to that overheard. There was a kid two seats up from me was listening to very loud music on his iPod. But there was a moment where everything was silent on the train. We were just pulling into a station, and he got a little carried away on the music,

and just at one point went, bitch! Everybody on the train was like, what? Really? The one word you decided to yell out. That's funny. Bitch!

Bitch! Did he realize it afterwards he did no immediately he was like oh everybody's looking at me I totally just did that I love that face

when it's on other people I hate it when it's on me yeah so there you go that was an overheard alright our next segment is we got Brad McNeil on the telephone

our correspondent from Ottawa I believe he's using the telephone. And he's called in with some follow-up information about an episode from two weeks ago. Although, it just

was released yesterday. If you're using the Gregorian clock, we call it Brad McNeil on the telephone. Brad McNeil on the telephone. Hey, bumpers. This is Ottawa correspondent Brad McNeil with the telephone. Brad McNeil on the telephone. Hey, bumpers. This is Ottawa correspondent Brad McNeil with a segment that I am calling this week Responses to Last Week's

Episode. The stuff that I wanted to scream into my headset or headphones as though it was a headset. So from the Darcy Michael episode, the actual best line from Degrassi Junior High was also from the Darcy Michael episode, the actual best line from Degrassi Junior High was also from the School's Out episode, which was when Caitlyn caught Joey cheating with Tessa Campanelli.

And Caitlyn's response was, you're fucking Tessa Campanelli? And it was repeated twice. and it was repeated twice. On the gayest WWF or WWE group, that would be The Rockers. And as far as Facebook status goes, there was a discussion of Facebook relationship status. A woman recently told me that one of her friends found out that she was broken up with

based on the fact that the guy she was dating changed the status without talking to her. So he changed her status, or his status, from in a relationship to single. So she found out from the status line on the main page. So I was cold, and I thought that could never happen to me in junior high, because no one had heard of the Internet. Hope you're doing well. Hope all the great guests, of course he is, and get him to sing some of his christmas songs talk to you soon bye

thank you very much brad mcneil for calling in and also brad mcneil sent me a facebook message uh last night saying this podcast is the best thing i've ever done and uh which that you've ever done yeah which is nice wow uh It's a compliment wrapped in a... It's a backhanded compliment. It is a backhanded compliment. That's exactly what it is. Because he doesn't know about my children. Yeah, my kids.

My kids that I love. Your drawings of Grandpa. Yeah, my drawings of Grandpa that are displayed on the wall. Okay, so he called in. And what was the first thing that he said? The best line was from The Grassies Out. Yeah, and Paul was talking along with it. He knew the wall. Okay, so he called in and what was the first thing that he said? The best line was from The Grassies Out. Yeah, and Paul was talking along with it. He knew the line. Paul knew the line exacto. He guessed it

from the episode title. Yeah, for sure. What was it? Say it one more time. You're fucking Tessa Capanelli? Tessa Capanelli. She was so hot. Sounds Italian. In only that episode. Was she one of the twins? No. That was Erica and... Noica she was a brought in for the for the schools out right no no she was in the whole like i i started watching from from

junior high she was in junior high she but she was in the junior high show yeah but she was just like uh you know like uh she was almost like an extra but she had a line every once in a while right right you know what i mean so she was a regular yeah you remember when the kids were really really young like when yick kids in like Yeah. You remember when the kids were really, really young? Like when Yik. Kids at Degrassi Street. Yeah. Yeah, the kids at Degrassi Street.

Yik was always young. Yik Yu. And Yeah Hood is now a bartender in Vancouver. If you did not know that. Yeah, I don't know if he still is, but I remember he was. He was like a year ago. Oh, really? He was still at it?

Because I remember seeing him at a bar and thinking, it couldn't be. It couldn't be Yik. There's no way. Well, he smoked pot in the School's Out episode, and then He was still at it? Because I remember seeing him at a bar and thinking, it couldn't be. It couldn't be, yick. There's no way. Well, he smoked pot in the School's Out episode, and then it was, pew! Typecast. It's the same thing happened to Cheech. I shouldn't have touched that joint.

If I could change one thing in my career. Cheech Campanelli? Cheech Campanelli. You're fucking Cheech Campanelli? Cheech Campanelli. You're fucking Cheech Campanelli? He said the best. Rick Campanelli. You're fucking Rick Campanelli. Cheech the temp?

It's folding in on itself. Yeah. It works. He said the best wrestling team. The gayest wrestlers were the rockers. I can't confirm or deny that until we add it to the blog. Yeah. The gayest wrestlers oh the gayest wrestlers were the rockers i can't confirm or deny that until we add it to the blog yeah the gayest wrestlers i had ever seen if i can jump please please don't were the gay 69ers it was uh he's gone no it was uh at the andy kaufman dead

or alive show in los angeles like four years five years ago right it was like kind of it was his 20 year anniversary of his death is you know he said he was gonna die he's gonna come back no i mean that was the whole thing zamuda like produced this show like he might be coming back and um and so after the show which is kind of shit uh we were led across the street to um the comedy store where in the back well they did the whole milk and cookie thing again and then in the back they had um uh these mexican wrestlers that were incredible uh these were the gayest wrestlers i've ever seen because they were dressed like chickens and they're how they would um and they were like doing this very flamboyant movement that you can't see on the radio and or your ipod or your ipodod. Or Zune. Zune.

Or the iRiver, which I had. And their big pin move was that they would put their bum right in your face and go, And then the other wrestlers would be like, And they would lower it down, wiggle their bum, and go, That is pretty gay. I'm homophobic. And they would lower it down, wiggle their bum, and go, eww. That is pretty gay. So check for a picture of the rockers on the blog. Stop podcasting yourself.blogspot.com.

I'm putting plugs in mid-show. It's unheard of. But not hair plugs. Just like you've got a lovely head of hair. As Jeremy Piven taught us. All right. The final thing you talked about was uh the facebook oh the facebook breakup because we were talking about that before here's the one that i never understand is when it goes from in a relationship to it's complicated well yeah that's what we mentioned on that episode

yeah that's that's uh like an intermediary step or something i don't know what people call taking a break sometimes. Yeah. Which means it's your time to get in there. To get in there. Is that what it is? To do the old 22 skidoo? 22 skidoo? That's what the kids call it.

The old 22 skidoo. But that reminds me of... At my former workplace, everyone got their job through Craigslist. All the ads were placed on Craigslist. And then a couple people got fired. Through Craigslist? Well, yeah, basically. The boss didn't tell them they were fired.

Everyone was so unhappy at my old work that they would constantly be checking craigslist for other jobs oh and they found their job available on craigslist oh we called it getting craigslisted you just got craigslisted but in your face to bring it back around that company was a production company that made shows for shaw cable public access yeah Yeah, this is the new public access. I'm on Novus, Novus TV. Novus, that's even more. That's Yale Town Cable? Yale Town Cable.

Yeah, it's Yale Town, Coal Harbor, downtown area, Burnaby. We do not have any listeners there. I know. We might if they happen to be walking through one of those neighborhoods while listening to their iPod. That would count. Some of the new buildings have Novus. They're playing them in the elevator.

So you don't even have to be watching the television. No, you're just in an elevator in Yaletown. That's my fantasy. You can watch TV without watching TV. It's just there. I just can watch it whenever I want. Yeah. Yeah.

If there's an implant, it'll come out for that. Well, thank you, Brad McNeil. Thanks, Brad McNeil. Call back again. Yeah. We'll hear from you. Best thing you ever did. What's next?

Next is I would just like to, just a quick shout out, because we've been having hilarious beers every week, but we never gave a shout out the last two episodes of the hilarious beers that we drank. That's true. What did we drink last week? We drank, well, two weeks ago, or, yeah, we drank Rebel Beer. Rebel Beer. And that was...

On the edge. It was on the edge. It was not delicious. Yeah, it was on the edge. It was not delicious. Yeah, it was on the edge of deliciousness. Yeah, it was rebelling against deliciousness. Rebelling against good taste and all sorts of things you like about beer. Screw that stuff. It's flat.

We're the rebels. Last week, from the same brewery as Rebel, we drank Thirsty Beaver. Hilarious beer. Hilarious beer. Also not delicious. Why do they have to make those answers? But this week we're just drinking regular beer and deliciousness is inherent. So that brings us up to speed on the hilarious beers.

And as also, I would like to just quickly divert into the Road to Rock Band. We're on the Road to Rock Band Why don't you go fuck yourself We're on the road to rock band. Why don't you go fuck yourself? We're on the road to rock band. Fuck yourself, you cunts.

That's an awesome theme song for Road to Rock Band. Oh, you need me to do it? No, no, no. You need me to do the what? No, no, no. We were just pausing. Oh, you don't need me to do the what no no no we were just we were just pausing so oh yeah oh you don't need me to do that oh no we could do it it's no it's not really good you couldn't improve upon it if you were uh if you were maestro fresh west road to rock band

last week uh young aj mckenzie was here yep And I was going to try and up my scores, and A.J. McKenzie, never played the game before in his life, comes out of nowhere and trumps anything that I even possibly tried to do in rock band. He was in the high 90s. In the high 90s right out of the gate. I scored high 90s on one song, but he set it to hard, and I was still on easy, and that was the only way I could get to the high 90s he maybe set it to medium medium but still he was if anything he set me to hard yeah and that's the road to rock band um so now well let's talk uh i want that's what i was gonna do because uh paul since we since road to rock band had such a great theme song, Paul's show, Talent Time.

Oh, you want to play the theme song to that? Yeah. Yeah, you should. Totally. Made this. I was just hanging out in my friend's studio. We were hanging out. And I'm like, I need a theme song.

And he's like, well, what are you looking for? And I'm like, you know, something, you know, entertaining. And like, we're about to, you know, I want it to drive. I want it to build up this big show and he just got on the piano and started playing and I just threw in some lyrics and then we recorded this Nice! Show! Gotta get to the show! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg Get ready for talent time. Get ready for talent time.

Get ready for talent time. Get ready for talent time. Oh, yeah! Oh, hey! Yeah! We've got a great show for you. Lasting things that make you go Pull up a jam

It's finally here Getting ready for talent time Getting ready for talent time Come on everybody I'm calling everybody You know it's really finally here Talent time Everybody I call and everybody you know It's really finally here Tell it to me I was unaware that there was a scream at the end.

That was a little gonzo at the end of the Muppet Show. That's what that was. Yeah, wow. I liked it while we were listening to it. Dave, not as much, but Paul and I were both bobbing our heads a la any scene in any biopic where the musician is playing the song for the executives and you're the doubting thomas yeah i don't know i don't know i'm not sure about this he might be crazy or genius i was mostly

worried about when to stop it so we could start recording the podcast oh i see but that was there you go the the hot hot hot off the press hot hot hot off the press. Hot, hot, hot off the press. It was mixed a second ago. I'm not sure if this is the final version we were talking about, you know, going in, doing some chip chip. But this is it. That was it. That was your free first time ever preview of the. Yeah.

With music provided by. Steve Bays. Kalen Porter. Kalen Porter. Haircut. Steve Bays from from Hot Hot Heat. Yeah, we recorded that. He's awesome.

He's a big comedy fan. He's a big comedy fan. And he's a great guy and a good musician. Well, then I apologize for the haircut comment. Yeah, you are a bit of a jerk. Oh, you're talking about the Canadian Idol? Is that what you're making reference to? Not even.

Not anymore. Delete. How dare you. Where do we want to go from here? Do we want to... I'm up for anything. I want to... Here's what I want to do.

I want to do a thing, and then I want to hear a thing from you, and then I want to wrap it up with a big bow. That's what I want to do. What do you want to do? Do you want to do Rooney O'Rourke or Celebrity Crush Act? Let's do Rooney O'Rourke. Ro's what I want to do. What do you want to do? Do you want to do Rooney or Roark? Let's do it. Or Celebrity Crush Act?

Let's do Rooney or Roark. Rooney or Roark. I said it's Roark or Rooney or Roark or Rooney or Roark. Not two syllables, so it's complicated. It doesn't lend itself like the Blanchett or Winslet. Or Pullman or Paxton. Or even Busey or... What was it? Nolte.

Nolte. I saw that one. You saw it, eh? This one up in here is Mickey Rourke or Mickey Rooney. Okay, here we go. This was suggested by Abby's Aunt Sheila. She's a wonderful lady. I love Abby's Aunt Sheila. She's a wonderful lady. P.S. I love Abby's Aunt Sheila.

Okay, so you guys have to... I will give you some words, and you have to tell me whether they are more Mickey Rooney or more Mickey Rourke. Okay, here we go. I'm ready. Philip Andre. I'm going to go with Rourke rourke rourke we're both rourke do we all know who these people are no no i was just going on like philip andre sounds like a guy who might be a boxer or a drinker uh philip andre is is

mickey rourke's real name philip andre oh so that was correct he is a boxer and a drinker uh philip andre is is mickey rourke's real name philip andre oh so that was correct he is a boxer and a drinker there you go do you know who they are no mickey rourke is an actor he uh famously from nine and a half weeks nine and a half weeks and then more recently uh sin city oh you know how i know him his His daughter was featured on The Real OC. No, The Real Desperate Housewives. Oh. Yeah, she was featured as one of The Real Desperate Housewives. Just one episode.

Mickey Rooney is a... Legendary film actor. Yeah, Hollywood royalty. Most famous probably as a child star starring with Judy Garland in movies. I'm surprised you didn't know that. You're an actor. Meh. Also famously played by Dana Carvey in that scene where he did the best act.

That was the number one star in the world. In the world. In the world. Number seven on World Poker Invitational. in the world. All right. Number seven on World Poker Invitational. Oh, that's gotta be Rourke. Rourke. Rooney. Really? Really? Yes.

He's an old, old man. I just give you the facts, folks. Wow. Oh, shit. With a poker face, too. I should have gone counterintuitive. That's what I should have done. Soda fountain. Oh, that's Rudy.

That's gotta be. Old-timey. Mickey Rourke once owned a soda fountain. What does that mean? It was like a soda fountain newsstand. Oh, so he... He didn't own a fountain that made soda. Yeah, I thought it was a magical fountain thatstand. Oh, so he... Oh, not a fountain. Like he didn't own like a fountain that made soda.

Yeah. I thought it was a magical fountain that just sprouted soda. Oh, you meant like a fountain of youth, but only with soda. Yeah.

That's weird how my brain works. Well, you know, the little boy with the penis like peeing one of those fountains? See, because when I hear

soda fountain, I think fountain like just a very boring thing. But you thought of a fountain with a P. Yeah, and him standing beside it all proud. That's what I pictured. Now I'm picturing him too.

I'm not allowed to take a picture. He's saying it all old-timey. Yeah, for no reason. The Extraordinary Seaman. Oh, Jesus. Oh, that's got to be Rooney. That's Rooney. Rourke's got to have Extraordinary Seaman. I don't doubt that he's got Extraordinary Seaman

Mickey Rooney starred in the Extraordinary Seaman With Faye Dunaway That's why I knew Because there's no way that there could be a movie Called that in modern times Without laughter See, you were smart Because I wasn't thinking about a movie at all

Well, you were thinking about Who has more extraordinary semen. Out of their soda fountain. Still Rooney. Who has been... Again, Rooney. Who has been married more times? Rooney.

It's got to be Rooney. Mickey Rourke has been married twice. Mickey Rooney has been married eight times. Oh, yeah, you salty dog. Because he's got extraordinary semen. Everybody knows that. That's why they called the movie that. It was originally called The Happy Sailor, but then they heard the rumors.

It was the Untitled Mickey Rourke Project. And which one of them, according one of them according to their imdb profile trivia is friends with tupac shakur i hope that it's rooney but i also hope that it's rooney but yeah i'm guessing it's rourke you're both right oh is it right that we hope that it was yeah yeah we're right to hope that but it is roaring that would be amazing because that would actually that would elevate uh tupac shakur in my mind if he was friends with mickey rooney yeah because i just read a thing that alice cooper was like really tight friends with groucho marx you're thinking of tupac shakur oh yeah that's it do you know who was all oh tupac was

very good friends with was uh who's the boss tony danza yes no yes yes watch resurrection no the the documentary yeah it's great really yeah and tony danza plays a role is it somehow in tupac's life tony dan Danza or Ted Danson? That is a very crucial detail that you are screwed up on. I don't know that it is. I don't know that it is. No, it is. In the world of Tupac Shakur, I think they are equals. Remember the blackface, though?

The Ted Danson blackface moment when he was dating Whoopi Goldberg? So, actually, wow. I want to know. In my mind, it's significant if it's Tony Danza or Ted Danza. I think it's check the blog. We'll have figured it out. I hope so. Do we want to end off this here podcast with this story?

Because when Paul came in here today, we were sitting in the kitchen very briefly before the podcast. And we were talking about. I don't know how we got on it. But you claim, and I don't know how we got on it, but you claim, and I don't disbelieve it, because when we were in the kitchen and you said that you can prove that South Park stole one of your jokes. Oh, I can prove that it's possible.

You're not on the record. I'm not saying I don't know. But you can prove that. You're not on the record. No, this is not for legal purposes. So I would very much like to hear this story, and I'll turn it over to you. I was watching South Park the other day on DVD. Yeah. And there was this joke. Which season?

I don't know. Four or five, I think. It was Terrence and Philip. It was the Terrence and Philip movie or it was the Terrence and Philip reunion or something. Right. And they did this sketch called Who Farted, which was word for word out of my play, The Death of Comedy. I remember The Death of Comedy. Years ago.

When these characters are trying to destroy comedy because they find it not valid and replace it with something new, so they take on this classic. They do Who Farted, a takeoff of the old Abbott and Costello routine. First of all, you you probably heard you know zach galifianakis had that joke about jared having aids and that's why he lost so much weight right and then i don't remember that joke well he won't tell it after 2002 because they went and pinched that and made a whole episode about it yeah and he you know he he was you know he was kind of

friendly with those guys and after that they didn't talk to him because they knew that they pinched his job. But that was the thing. To be fair, South Park more recently has made their entire show about just taking premises from other things and making them South Park-ized because they did that entire movie, The King of Kong, like almost beat for beat, and they just made it into an episode of South Park. I didn't see that. Well, that's fine, but just be transparent about it. Well, they weren't, though. You don't take a comics joke.

But how can you prove that they took it from you? From me? Oh, okay. Well, so we first, I wrote that play with Devin McCracken in Winnipeg, and we had our first production in the 99 Fringe Festival. Right. Sounds like a ton of fun.

Yeah. I paused the credits on that episode. Staff writer Kyle McCullough, who is a Winnipegger, who at the time moved away to Toronto to write for Kids in the Hall. Oh. But he would come back in the summers and frequent the fringe festival he we had mutual friends he was older than me i never knew him but like you know i knew about him right mutual friends and stuff like that um and i the friends that

i know that are closest friends with him in winnipeg came out to my show. I were in the audience. I don't remember if he was there or not. But I know that he was in Winnipeg. I know that he was in Winnipeg, that the show had a buzzer. I mean, it's an easy joke. No, but it's a possible connection. The fact that it was so close.

But we were saying that you should just use that as one of your credits from now on, is that you were a writer on South Park. But my problem is this. Right. They have a staff of writers. Is it... Six writers. Do none of the writers on staff have any scruples?

Like, I understand that they've been uh accused of stealing before but is there no one on the staff who will say who will come up with an original idea well i don't think that's the accusation being leveled i think the uh the because i when you're writing comedy or when you're coming up with comedy you a lot of times will assimilate an idea that you've heard and your brain will somehow make it seem like you've come up with it. Yeah. So I'm sure it wasn't an act of malice or thievery on purpose. Probably not. Because nobody wants to be that person.

Right. So I imagine it was one of those cases where it zipped into his head and he thought, I'm a genius. Yeah. And when in fact, maybe Paul Anthony'm a genius. When in fact, maybe Paul Anthony's a genius. You be the judge, listeners. Or he wasn't even there and

maybe one of the other writers came up with it. But it was an exciting moment last week of like, what? Because I was like, crap. Because I now turn, like the death comedy turned into a screenplay and I want to make the film and now I'm like, okay, I gotta change that bit. And I now turn, like, the death comedy turned into a screenplay, and I want to, like, make the film. And now I'm like, okay, I got to change that bit. And then I'm like, wait a second.

How do you turn a play into a screenplay? Is there a shortcut on final draft? You bring in Steven Soderbergh. Yeah. You just, it's a template. You just throw it in there. Should we, do you want to cap this off with a nice spicy hot round of Celebrity Crush Hat? Yeah, why don't we do Celebrity Crush Hat?

Celebrity Crush Hat. Crushin' the hats of Celebrity Crush Hats? Yeah, why don't we do Celebrity Crush Hats? Celebrity Crush Hats Crush in the hats Celebrity Crush Hats Go fuck yourself Celebrity Crush Hats Celebrity Crush Hats Okay, you draw a number and then we'll pause to do a little bit of research

but basically you will pull out a number it'll be the age and we try and figure out whatever number it is it'll be the age and we try and figure out whatever number it is it'll be an age that you were and we try and figure out who you had a crush on at that age

celebrity wise okay cool yeah you just explained it so just pull a number and then we'll pause to do some research on that particular good mic work indeed So just pull a number, and then we'll pause to do some research on that particular year. Good mic work indeed. 33.

Okay. None of us are, so we'll throw that in because we can't. Well, thanks, guys. We can't commit to future crushes. Oh, one day we should, though. I will. You don't know my age. It's going to be me and. Either.

What the hell is that? Why is the six sideways? Oh, well, I'm saying that it's a six. It's a six. Sure. Six? Okay. All right.

Well, we'll be right back. Do you know what I did? That sounds like... That's really open to anything. But I used to... You know what I'm thinking? But I used to tape who's I'm thinking But I used to I used to tape

Who's the boss What everyone did But what I did Nobody did No I had a VHS Did you? Yeah

I had a beta We chose not to You did not have a beta Why would you Really challenge him on that? Yeah I'll tell you why I had a beta

Because you knew better No I didn't I had a laser. I had a beta. Because you knew better. No, I didn't. My family bought a beta. I had a Laserdisc. We had a beta and I recorded many, many shows on that beta. Probably still at my parents' house in the box. Well, I had a VHS and I taped Who's the Boss, but only when Alyssa Milano

entered. So, if you watch the tape, she's like, I'm going to the store to blow a bunch. And then she's like, oh, hey Samantha, you got a hickey. It's only her. Samantha. You have to talk about that. It's like, I'm going to the store to blow a bunch. And then she's like, oh, hey, Samantha, you got a hickey. It's only her. Samantha. It's like eight hours of just like. Oh, we're talking about it right now.

Oh, are we recording? Yeah. Okay. We looked it up, and then Paul started talking Alyssa Milano. And right away. That was real. That was real. But it doesn't fit his year.

No, but it does show the commitment to the crush. Yeah, that's my first big crush. Definitely. I had all of her posters. Continues to this day? Yes, no? She's a very beautiful woman now. I guess so.

I never cared for her. Really? Really. Okay. Well, like, as a caretaker. Oh, okay. Like, you didn't actually care for her. She was well off.

She could do those things by herself. What would you say, given the year that you were six? I think looking at the chart, I was really young, but I think I had a little bit of a crush on the girl from Bosom Buddies. Oh, but that was not a girl, though. Yeah, it was... No, it was Tom Hanks' sister. No, that was a guy.

No, she was never around when Tom Hanks was around. What was his name? Oh, shit. Michael whatever his name. Michael or Peter something. He was also on Newhart. Yeah, he was Michael on Newhart.

No, but not him. Tom Hanks' actual sister. Yeah, he was Michael on Newhart. That's where. No, but not him. The one that, the Tom Hanks sister. The actual sister? Oh, I don't know who that is. I don't remember that. No, she was never around when Tom Hanks was around. Maybe it was Tom Hanks. It wasn't Tom Hanks, was it?

Really curly hair. Talked like in a really weird high voice. Yeah, that was Tom Hanks. Big Adam's apple. Oh, no. Oh, no. Peter Scolari. Yes. Yeah. Big Adam's apple Oh no Peter Scolari Yes Thank you

Good we didn't have to get an Ottawa report about that one I don't want to be yelled at about Peter Scolari Dave how about you 1986 I was six No 1987 I was six 1987 okay This might be wrong then I was six. No, in 1987 I was six. 1987, okay. This might be wrong then.

Well, I didn't always see movies right when they came out. But I have a couple. Maybe I have more than a couple. One that came to mind was Mia Sara, who was Ferris Bueller's girlfriend's slow movie. Oh, wow. I do say that? Sloane. Still have a crush.

She was a hard-hitter. In Legend. The thing where she says, they're in the pool or whatever, and she says, I want to marry that guy. I was like, I always wanted to date a girl

who would say that about Matthew Broderick. Well, maybe you should date her. It could be under overheard. Yeah, that could be like, I was in a pool with Matthew Broderick in the present. Well, maybe you should date Sarah Jessica Parker. It could be under overheard. Yeah, and I could be like, I was in a pool with Matthew Broderick. The other one I came up with

was Leah Thompson from Back to the Future. Oh, wouldn't she? Now, was she also in... That was 1985, I believe, was referenced in the movie. Was she also in Adventures in Babysitting?

No, that was Elizabeth Shue. Ooh, I had a big crush on her. And then that was finalized in Leaving Las Vegas when she did the... Bleeding anus. No, the booze on breast routine. We have different tastes. Obviously.

I like booze on breasts. Dave likes bleeding anus. Bleeding anus. I think in 1986, I think, in a weird way, yeah, I think I had a big old crush on Cyndi Lauper. Ooh, the lop. The lop. I liked her thrift store charm, which has not faded.

She's so unusual. Just wanted to have fun. The song about masturbation, the she-bop? She-bop, she-bop, a little bop. Was that about masturbation the she bop she bop she bop a little bop was that about masturbation

I think that was darling Nikki no no it was what about the chaperone chaperone maybe she bop

I never read into the lyrics when you're all alone chaperone she bop she bop really oh maybe that is it

I bop you bop we all bop oh I learned a valuable lesson. Holy shit. For the record, I didn't masturbate until I was 19, and it was legal. When it was legal?

After you tried your first beer. Whoa, whoa, look at this. This hand is going crazy. Well, I think we've had an amazing, that's been an amazing adventure. Paul, you've been an awesome guest. Yeah, real time just flew by. This has been fun. Do you have anything, well, you've already plugged the talent time.

Do you have anything else coming up that you want to plug? When's the next talent time? Considering the next, it's once a month. Right. Early July. So June 4th and then July 2nd, I believe. It's the first Wednesday of every month. Of every month.

Down at the Biltmore. At the Biltmore. Graham and I have both done the show, and it is a delight. It is so much fun. And if you haven't seen it, you must go out and check it out. Dave, I'm assuming we both have nothing to plug. That's right. And so thank you very much for joining us for the podcast.

Dave, say your little spiel about where they can read or download. You can email us. We don't get enough email. As in none. You can email us at stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com and you can read the blogs, pictures of the Obscuro stuff we've mentioned

at stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com slash exploding sandwich, go fuck yourselves. And thank you so much for listening. Get off my turf. It's been a wonderful time. Thanks for joining us. And tune in again or download us again

at Stop Podcasting Yourself. Yay.