Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 16 - Alicia Tobin

Episode Date: June 15, 2008

Comedian Alicia Tobin steps in to talk blockbuster movies, diagnose Dave's agoraphobia, and play a round of Biel or Alba.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! All right, everybody, and welcome to Stop Podcasting Yourself, edition 16. Awesome. Finally, another episode divisible by eight. And it's a square.

That guy talking right there is Dave Shumka. My name is Graham Clark, and joining us here in the downtown studio office, just off of Robson Street, above the fogs and suns, is a very funny comedian. Comedian? Comedian. Comedian. Don't. Comedian.

Comedian, Alicia Tobin. Hiian. Comedian Alicia Tobin. Hi, Alicia. Hi, Alicia Tobin. Hey. Female comedian. Yeah, yeah. Just. We should.

Yeah, that's right. Clarify. Yeah. Hi, Alicia Tobin. She's a comedian. Yeah, you're a comedian. Thanks for joining us. Thanks.

It's really nice to be here. So you think you're funny. Cha-cha. So we like to start off every show with a little segment we like to call Get to Know Us. Get to Know Us. All right. Let's start getting to know us. Let's start with our guest, Miss Alicia Tobin.

What's been going on with Alicia Tobin? What's new? Tell us what happened to you this week, the Alicia Tobin. What's been going on with Alicia Tobin? What's new? Tell us what happened to you this week, the preceding weeks. What's going on? The most exciting thing is that I have a pet crow that lives outside my apartment, and it's nesting in a robin's nest, and it's nesting the robin's eggs, which I'm assuming the crow killed the robin now. Hanging out on its eggs. Hanging out out on its eggs so it can eat the baby but it's really beautiful because uh the crows and i'm terrified of crows all of a sudden

become these maternal and caring creatures to me until yesterday when i noticed the eggs are gone and so is the crow so i think that because i remember you were very excited. I was really excited. At the outset, you're like, I think I found the one crow that's not a fucking crackpot animal. Yeah. But they robbed the eggs, and that's it. I think that it was just warming them up. And I told you my crow story, which was a couple days after that, I heard about the crow's nest thing. And I saw a crow flying with a gigantic rat in its mouth oh wow and it flew from one house to the other and dropped the rat in the

drain pipe of the of this house and started eating it which was revolting but then the next day it started raining and uh it was overflowing like the water was just going everywhere i'm like i know what the club is but it was huge i couldn't even believe the uh aeronautics of flying with that big of a front end load uh because the crow like literally just had this giant like it looked like a crow flying with another crow attached to its face that's how big it was and uh but crows would eat another crow right i don't think so that's like a plan of the apes it will not harm it shall not kill it um i was at the dog park today and there was a hawk over trout lake and uh everyone with tiny dogs and and there were these two crows kind of harassing it because I guess it was in their airspace. And the hawk would literally dive bomb from so high and try to catch fish.

But I've seen eagles there before. Yeah. There's two, I think, that live at Trout Lake, but never a hawk before. That's the thing. When I went up to Prince Rupert, like, they Prince Rupert is to eagles what Vancouver is to crows. Because they are thick with their, eagles are fucking everywhere. And we went to the hotel

and, like, they had about eight eight to ten stuffed eagles in the lobby. And I'm like, that's just, I thought they were endangered. Like, when I was looking around, I'm like, this can't possibly be. Because I thought, when I went up there, I thought that they had had like a lack of eagles or eagles where the population was thinning out or something. And I was like, I know where half of the population is residing in this hotel lobby. But you thought it was fostering these two eggs.

I did. That seems like a popular motif in puff journalism. Like one species taking care of another species. Yeah, like that dog nursing the tiger pups. Yeah, sure. Or animal A nursing species B. Sure. But if a dog nurses tiger pups...

Doesn't it run out of milk? milk well and do the tigers remember that is it like an adopted scenario or does the tiger eventually realize he's not a dog i think goes to look for his real dad or does he eventually eat the dog that's yeah well that's the other thing like do they do they grow up thinking that that's like there's a connection there or like you say like could you have a mouse raise a cat to the point where the cat thinks there must be another example of something isn't there a tortoise and a hair a hair tortoise and a hair yes uh the tortoise raises the hair to learn that slow and steady wins the race, but the hare takes a nap? Yeah. Because the hare was a show-off.

Right. And they basically took that same motif and applied it to professional wrestling all the time, where the guy was so out front that he would just stand in front of the audience, egging people on, and then slowly the guy would come up behind him. That's right.

Everything you needed to know you may have learned from those type stories. Yeah. So you saw Crow raising what I thought was a foster situation.

And what were they? What were the eggs? Robin eggs. It was a beautiful nest. Was it a Robin red breast? I don't know because the bird itself was gone and just two beautiful eggs. It was a beautiful nest. Was it a robin redbreast, specifically? I don't know, because the bird itself was gone, and just two beautiful eggs. Are there two kinds of robins, just robins and robin redbreasts?

Because I used to think that Flash and Flash Gordon were the same guy. I used to think that, too, for a long time. And then I realized that they're both kind of lame characters. Flash Gordonordon he traveled throughout space right yeah he was an old-timey uh movie hero more than a comic book thing i think that's and i remember the first time i ever saw it was actually a pseudo porn movie flash flash gordon and the cosmic cheerleaders no flash g and the Cosmic Cheerleaders was my first exposure to Flash Gordon. And I liked it better than the actual Flash Gordon.

Or Flash. Huh? But not Fletch. Or Fletch. I love Fletch. Right? There's one channel that shows Fletch at least once a weekend, every weekend.

What is it? Not Spike. The W Network. The W Network? I'm pretty sure. PBS? I'm just throwing out other things. I'm disregarding

the W Network. Is it Encore Avenue? It might be Encore Avenue. You know what was on today that I really enjoyed? AMC, that's what it is. Or Turner Classic Movies, maybe. No! Fletch? Not Fletch Gordon. really amc that's what it is ah yeah or turner classic movies maybe no all right fletch not fletch gordon right yeah what were you gonna say you're gonna say something on tv

oh yeah today on uh the encore avenue high definition i watched bring it on oh have you seen bring it on i'm pretty sure refresh my memory cheerleaders kirsten dunst kirsten dunst oh yeah kirsten dunst is a cheerleader kirsten dunst uh what's it what's the eliza dushku eliza dushku and i've had the pleasure of hugging on two occasions okay i'm not bragging but i'm bragging uh and gabrielle hey grandpa hi fans who gabrielle union who's that she's the head cheerleader for Gabrielle Onion. Who? Gabrielle Union? Who's that? She's the head cheerleader for the African-American team. Oh, they were the ones that they were ripping off. Yeah, the Clovers.

And then if memory serves, and I think it does, they don't want to compete. No, wait, maybe I'm confusing it. No, they steal the moves from the poor inner city team. That's how it always is, though. In real life? That's how I made it. That's how you steal your moves?

Yeah. As a professional cheerleader. Are there... Yeah, I guess there are. There's professional sports. Yeah, but... Yeah. No, you're right. I had nowhere to go with that. Have you guys ever seen that show? It's on the channel near the

W Network with the Coyote Ugly girls. Ah, the real Coyote Ugly on the country network. Those girls are rough. They were tough. Wow. But I think you have to be tough to be a Coyote Ugly or an Ugly Coyote. I've never actually seen the real show, but I imagine you have to be tough to be a Coyote Ugly or an Ugly Coyote. I've never actually seen the real show, but I imagine you have to be tough, like Jersey.

That movie, I can go ahead and say it's easily one of the worst movies ever made. One of the best Tyra Banks movies ever made, though. She's in it? Yeah. She was one of the Coyote. She quits her job at Coyote Ugly and that's why they have to hire Piper Parabo. Yeah. Who then falls in love with a mechanic?

Was he... Was she a mechanic? Fishmonger maybe? She's not a mechanic because she can't fight the moonlight. Oh, and that was a thing with that song, right? The Leon... I think it's Leon Rimes. I'm talking about the Black Soul singer,

not the Country Western singer. Leon Rhymes, not Leanne Rhymes. Leon, when Thing Rhymes... LeBron Rhymes. Et cetera. I had a crush on a fishmonger once in Montreal. What is a fishmonger? It's a guy that sells fish for a living.

Why if you sell fish? Yeah, he's a monger. Sounds like you're like a huge deal. He was a huge deal. Like a hate monger. It sounds like you're like really you've got a lot going on. Like a fish. Wouldn't you just call a fish seller? Or a fishman?

How about a fishman? That sounds good. That's complicated. Is a fish wife a fishmonger's wife? Or a wife of a fish? A fish sounds good. That's complicated. Is a fish wife a fishmonger's wife or a wife of a fish? A fish wife? You don't know. All right. I don't think that's a term. I swear to God it is.

A fish wife. Yeah, a fish wife. Oh, I'm thinking of a midwife. Well played. What happened to you this week, Graham? Well, since the other day, I went to Roberts Creek on the Sunshine Coast and did a show at a place called the Gumboot Cafe. Oh, cosmopolitan.

Yeah, what do you think they serve there? Who did you do the show with? I was with a magician named Bro Gilbert. Is he related to Bro Jake? I don't think he could be related by first names. I don't think if you're like Dan Simon and Dan Brown. They would be bros. Oh, poo.

No. His first name is Jake. He's a brother. Oh, I get it. So his name isn't Bro Jake. On his voting form, it's not Jake, bro. Then Abby's Aunt Sheila. I'm jealous.

And Brad McNeil. Here's the thing. The Gumbo Cafe, for some reason, really sold out last night. Big crowd. Apparently, this morning I found out a lot of the audience on Ecstasy. Why wouldn't you be? Why wouldn't I be on ecstasy why wouldn't you be why wouldn't i be on ecstasy why wouldn't anyone be i don't know it was uh there had to be an explanation for um the behavior which was shoddy

what went wrong uh what went right not much but what at one point there was a lady, there was a guy that was sitting right next to the stage, lovely long dreadlocks, a lot of dreadlocks up in Roberts Creek, not a lot of black people. I'll let you do the rest of the math. But he was sitting right next to the stage, and I can't remember his name.

Not important. He was a circus folk. And I said, what do you do do and he works for the circus and then he pointed to some other woman and like it was this table was all chatty and uh this woman stood up on a chair at one point because i said like who's the craziest person at that table she got up on a chair and was screaming things at me but i did like it was incomprehensible and then at one point i was telling jokes and she came up on the stage but she came really close to my face and i didn't recognize her from before so i thought she was like from the kitchen and like there was a grease fire or something and she needed to tell people

so she grabbed the mic out of my hand and i was was like, oh, okay, I'll let her make her announcement. And then I realized, oh, fuck, it's the crazy woman from 20 minutes before. And then she gets up and picks a guy out of the audience, and then the guy undoes his fly, and he's pulling down his pants, and there's a four, eight-year-old kid. It was really gut-unseemly. The kid's on ecstasy?

Well, somebody in that equation was, I'm sure, now that I look at it. But the crazy thing was, as crazy as she was, she tried to do some crowd work and it didn't work. And she sheepishly handed me the microphone back. I was like, this is harder than it looks, even when you're high and crazy. Here you go. Here you go. Sorry about that. I'll go sit down.

Well, that's a good story. It was okay. Yeah. You'll be able to tell the grandkids. Yeah. It was... Yeah, there was all sorts of things. And then, bro, the guy who set up the show...

Did you open for him or vice versa? He wasn't on the show. He did magic outside. There was like a patio thing. And he did like up-close magic. That's fun. I've had my watch taken that way. He is very prolific at stealing watches.

He was telling us. But only the ones that have a leather strap, I think. It can't be one of those? Yeah. Well, yeah, because that makes a lot of noise. The metal clickery. So it has to be a leather... I think so.

Why is that such an awesome magic thing, stealing a person's watch? Because they don't notice it, for one thing. Did you actually have this happen? Yeah. It blew my mind. Really? Yeah. Was it by Criss Angel?

No. It was... This guy worked for Criss Angel. I'm not joking. Really? Yeah, he was in Las Vegas. You know on Criss Angel... I know Criss Angel. Can you find out if Criss Angel. I'm not joking. Yeah, he was in Las Vegas. You know on Criss Angel? I know Criss Angel.

Can you find out if Criss Angel wears foundation? Yeah. Criss Angel wears foundation. That's creepy. And apparently, according to a bro, he backcombs his hair and won't leave the hotel without an entourage and all the jewelry.

He gets his stylist to do him up just to go grab a beer. I'd do that. If you could? If I was as good as Criss Angel, yeah. Maybe you are as good as Criss Angel. Have you ever tried up close magic? I have a hair straightener.

It's more of an illusion. Well, he straightens his hair no he straightens mine I wear foundation he wears foundation he um uh yeah anyways

that's my favorite thing about Chris Angel is on the show they will have he'll do a stunt and to prove how dangerous the stunt is they'll interview other magicians who are like oh trust me like this is difficult nobody's ever done this like people like paid liars like the guys anyone checks those magicians credentials you said that was your favorite thing

about chris angel uh what's my least favorite thing i'm just gonna ask the audience uh you can email us and stop stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com tell us your favorite thing? I'm just going to ask the audience. You can email us at StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com. Tell us your favorite thing about Criss Angel. Is it where he is in the montage in the desert where there's the midget and the guy holding the broken umbrella and it shows

how weird he is? That's what they do in between when there's a break between the action live on the street. They show this montage thing of him in the desert, and he's with all the circus freaks. It's to show that he's not of this world. Right, and he isn't. No.

He's not longed for this world. Why don't I tell you what I did this week? Sure, Dave. Well, big thing happened Thursday night. Graham, you know this you came with me Graham and I went to the midnight premiere of the Sex in the City movie I did not go yeah I didn't go either Oh nerds how was it or how have you heard how bad could it be? I think Big dies.

Anybody? Because remember in the last season he has a heart attack and Carrie freaks out. Or it's the second to last season and then in the previews something big happens. And that's called Big dying. I think he's going to die. It's come out, right? There must be a spoiler. A lifetime with Carrie would be horrible.

Whoa. Wow. I thought that she was like the girl on the show that everybody loved and could identify and picture themselves as. Because she was the poorest. Was she the poorest out of the friends? She was a lowly journalist, whereas the others were. A lawyer and an art dealer. Publicist and an artist. Independently wealthy through marriage.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good call. Yeahently wealthy through marriage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good call. Good. Yeah. It was a good show. Speaking of movies that I have seen,

Indiana Jones and the ticket refund request. The worst. The worst. Are you a fan of Indiana Jones? No, not really. I went and saw it with Miss Alicia Tobin. Oh, what a dragon. I feel a need to get something out of that experience.

Really bad. It was awful, but you haven't seen it yet, Dave. No, but don't worry. I'd love to ruin it for you. Oh, there's aliens, I know. There's CGI gophers in the second scene in the movie, and they're like, what? Yeah.

They make a funny face like a... A cartoon, like a Disney movie. Like Caddyshack. Yes, exactly. Or like the dramatic squirrel on the internet. Is it a gopher or a squirrel? Never mind. Don't know what you're talking about. Tell me more. Oh, it's like

a three second YouTube video and there's this gopher with his back turned to you and he turns around and he makes this dramatic face and there's dramatic music. Oh, okay back turned to you and he turns around and he makes this dramatic face and there's dramatic music. Oh, okay. Sounds good. It probably was better than what was in the Indiana Jones. You know what the best part about that movie was?

The guys that you're sitting beside. Oh, yeah, that guy. Did you have the same problem when you go to the theater and it's your always in douchebag road no matter where you sit? No, I worry about that, but I don't see movies until they've been out for six weeks. Always in douchebag row. Okay, what was the guy doing?

I thought he was talking to his friends, but it turned out that he was talking to himself, and he would kind of vault over the... He vaulted over the seat in front of him to go to the bathroom multiple times. But there were patrons there that he was going through. Yeah, he He vaulted over the seat in front of him to go to the bathroom multiple times. But there were patrons there that he was going through. Yeah, he wasn't jumping over an empty seat. I'm making it more convenient for everybody. It's not a douchebag thing

to talk to yourself, though, is it? He was talking on his cell phone for a good portion of the time. And then he was talking to the screen. And then he was talking to the people next to him who were not with him because at the end of the movie, the set... The movie, the set,

the movie hadn't even finished yet. And he vaulted over the seat. He vaulted over the seat and left before the movie was even done. But he had a kind of a gang. I don't know if they were with him. Well, they left with him. So things probably didn't turn out well. I think he made friends with,

he just beat him to death in the alley. Don't assume just because one person leaves and a bunch of people follow him that they're together so yeah that was terrible what was the worst line in the movie

I stopped listening after the gophers no there was a line specifically as we were walking out that you said was the worst line in the movie I don't remember I've been drinking beer oh yeah that was awful because they reference uh 50s yeah and nobody in the theater even knows they don't know who's president back then let alone that his campaign slogan was i like ike and it was supposed to be this really like wink but no everybody in the theater was like what

i loved how they tried to reignite the love interest between Indiana and What's-Her-Face. Oh, Carrie Steele. She barely, I think, had time in her schedule to make this movie. Just the chock-a-block back-to-back movies that she seems to be appearing in. They actually included lots of ass shots of her, which was really interesting.

And of Cate Blanchett wearing these kind of bloomer type circa 1920s, I believe. The uniform on her was way out of date with the movie. And the Cate Blanchett wearing these kind of bloomer type circa 1920s, I believe. The uniform on her was way out of date with the movie. And the accent was way out of line. But I felt better about my facial hair because she has a ton. But your facial hair? Yeah, like just that sort of natural peachy fuzz. She's got lots.

I don't think that you can consider natural peach fuzz as facial hair. I'd like to. Why can't i be part of the ranks i guess you can technically sorry does everyone know that grandpa's here yeah we do now he comes and goes um but i'll tell you what actually did happen to me this week because uh i didn't see sex in the city and by the time this is released, those movies won't be in the theater anymore. You figure it's going to be a short run? No, Sex and the City apparently has been sold out all the weekend.

Do you think there's going to be a sequel? And if we're lucky, a prequel. That would be terrible. How did they meet for the first time? And why do they look 60 if it's a prequel? What I actually did this week... The prequel won't be by the same

actresses. It'll be actresses that look vaguely like them. Right. Yeah. When they're 14, 15, 16. You laugh like it couldn't happen. You laugh like, no, no. But it could. Okay. Let's get serious, guys. Let's buckle down. I discovered that I'm very non-confrontational this week.

Because earlier today, I'm just afraid of leaving my house. Wait, agoraphobic. Agoraphobic. Yeah. The fear of the marketplace. I'm afraid. I'm agoraphobic totally different

they're terrifying rabbits they're so scary exactly it's not yeah I'm alpacophobic I'm alphaphobic I'm alphaphobic

today there were these sketchy homeless dudes in my back alleyway. And they were drinking. Is that a euphemism? Is that a euphemism for what? I had sketchy homeless dudes in my anus. We have this wall in our back alleyway that is like a fence

but it's a brick wall and they were using it basically as a bar really? do they have drinks like them? finally something to do in Vancouver sitting by it you know it would be great if one of them had a towel slung over his shoulder washing cups

glasses gonna get you, Mr. Peterson. No! And I didn't want to go out there. I didn't want them there. But I didn't want to go out there and be like, hey, get off my property.

You know what you should have done? Wrap it up, boys. You don't have to go home, but you gotta get the hell out of here. They'll just trigger that and they'll just leave I should have played Closing Time by Semi Sonic They all start dancing slow Last song guys

Every new beginning So I told Grandpa that there was a kitty there And he started barking at them And I hid in the house so you said grandpa as an enforcer not outside just to the window to bark at them so you you were like grandpa can you take care of this he's a big dog he's huge yeah he's 20 25 pounds and angry 25 pounds of raw anger but earlier in the week a uh a similar situation happened I saw these three late teen teenagers terrifying with dressed as chefs with the checkered pants

really checkered pants and the chef shirt and the red hats and they were high is that white spot no no no I was looking out this very window and they were walking through the, they were walking past my front door or just out in front of my house and apparently they were hired by the Delizio pizza thing to hand out pizzas

to people. We saw a guy on the train coming here that had a Delizio pizza. That's it. That's all he had with him. And a coupon. Was that today? No, it was Thursday-ish. Yeah, he had a coupon, but it just looked really funny because it looked like he got on the train, got a Delicio

pizza, and was going home. Except for it wasn't frozen. It didn't have that frosty... It didn't look like it had been refrigerated for quite a while. No, and he was carrying it like it was his school book. He's carrying it like a bad meal. He's going to eat it. It's not going to be good.

But my neighbors were all out working on their yards and stuff and they were handing out pizzas to them but they only started doing this after this other thing happened because I didn't know who they were and they spotted me through the window and they're like,

come get your pizza. And I wouldn't. Did you send grandpa out? I was just like, nope. When did you start feeling these feelings that you shouldn't go outside? My whole life, I think. Okay.

Do you have to set goals for the day? No. I just choose not to achieve anything. That's not what I meant, Dave. Oh, come on. Let's not create a moment. Do you have to force yourself to go grocery shopping? No, no, no.

Oh, you don't have agoraphobia then because you're not afraid of the market. It may have been a joke. Maybe you're afraid of chefs. Oh, I'm sorry. Although you do. You're an indoorsy. I am an indoorsy. But I was thinking how stupid it was

that I was turning down free pizza from a reputable... Okay, well, let's not go overboard with the reputable situation. But then I thought, technically, if it was Delizio, it would have also been delivery. That's right.

And they came. Was this whole thing building up to that? No. Because I was about to jump in with the Delizio delivery situation. Those commercials are reprehensible. Yeah. Because nobody ever would think that that came from any pizzeria. And nobody ever refers to pizza as delivery.

Is this delivery? Tastes like it's traveled. Do you want to get delivery for dinner? Delivery what? Whatever, as long as it's brat. As long as it's got cheese on it. Delivery. So it was a big week for Dave.

That was huge. It was no Roberts Creek, but... No, it was no Gumboot... Gumboot Cafe. World famous Gumboot Cafe. Were there fishmongers? Here's the thing. It very rarely happens at a restaurant outside of a small restaurant

like that, is at one point you order something off the menu and they say, all we have left is lamb burgers and fries. Because they totally oversold the place and then it turned into a dance party afterwards. They oversold it because they said it was world famous?

I think it's because it's the only place in Roberts Creek that's open past 8pm. Maybe the SO. They should get a Boston pizza. You know you're a big city if you've got a boston pizza not a lot of uh towns that i've gone to etc have had a boston pizza but the ones that have i've ended up there at two in the morning you go to boston pizza right you roll that way i uh abby and i used to go to Boston Pizza on dates.

I would always get the lasagna, and she would always get the diarrhea. No, I... But we've since switched to Red Robin. Oh, good chicken care. I think you've said this before, right? And I noticed you had a Little Caesars in your fridge. That's a risky proposition. Little Caesars? Yeah.

There's a Little Caesars here? $5 take and bake. Not take and bake. $5 hot and ready. Sorry. Yeah, wait. Take and bake. Is that?

What is that? That's Papa John's? Papa John's. Papa John's is delicious. Is that? Yeah. You can get a pound of cheese on your pizza. A full pound.

Yeah, no problem. But does it taste like delivery? It does. But you can cook it to your specifications if you want to be Chrissy. I want it half cooked. Exactly. I want the cheese intact. I want the raw.

Never mind. I can't. My mouth isn't working properly. I had a malfunction there. Do you guys want to move on to Overheard? Overheard. Overheard. Overheard. Things you may have heard

over or under. We'll decide. How many overheards do we get? As many as you want. Yeah, as many as you have. I've got one. You got some overheards? I have two. Let's let Alicia start it off. We'll bookend it. Yeah, you do one then we'll bring it back around. No, Let's start with you'll bookend it. Yeah, you do one, then we'll bring it back around.

No, the second one's not a bookend, though. Well, start with that one, then. All of us are going to flop over. No, I'll start with the best one. No, start with the weakest one. No, start with whatever you want to start with. Well, I work in a clothing store, right? Yeah, right.

Correct. This woman came in, and we also sell yoga products, and she wanted a natural yoga mat. And she was wearing head-to-toe spandex, and she said, I only like natural fibers. And I just stared at her. She didn't get it. She didn't get your stare?

No. I was like, you are wearing a lot of synthetic right now. Spandex is natural, isn't it? Yeah, it comes from the spandex tree. Oh, I thought it was from the back of the wombat. The bark looks a lot like cellulite. I thought it came from the camel's toe. Whoa, what?

Camsel's toe? That's pretty good. Is that going to be a bit? No, that's... Eventually. My overheard. Well, yesterday I was on Robson Street and I overheard these two ladies and they were talking about the Sex and the City movie.

And I overheard one of them say something really loud like she wanted to be heard. Like she's everyone's favorite loud friend. And she said something about cosmopolitans. So I started following them. But there was a lot of street noise.

But I imagine there were a few gems there. But the other day my actual overheard is an overseen. Do you know what? I think it's a flower called Heather. Yeah. It's also a name of the street here in the coves.

Someone left this note in their flower bed around their tree outside their house, and it was... There was like a divot in their dirt where, I guess, a plant used to be.

And it says, Whoever stole my heather you are an a-hole i bet it was your friend oh yeah we bumped into somebody on the way oh where was this this was on uh through 13th no uhth? 10th and Prince Edward. No. Too bad. You are an a-hole. This garden is for the enjoyment of the community. You inconsiderate dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, exclamation mark, exclamation mark. Whoa. How many dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dots?

Six to eight dots. Yeah, you could spell a lot of things with six dots so I find it strange that anyone the kind of person who would steal something would steal flowers or like uproot them we ran into a lady that I know on the way over here

that she had she said like the worst plant in the whole garden was stolen she almost seemed kind of glad about it, that somebody ran off with it. She said it was like three mealy-looking sticks. I think that she felt like her garden was really getting somewhere. Like it was good enough to be... Rampaged.

Vandalized. I want to add to the overseen that you did there. No. Okay. Won't allow it just uh walking over here last time on king's way and fraser uh there was a poster that said first of all it said i thought it said lost dave uh but no it said lost dove and there was a picture of a dove on it not so much to show you specifically what that dove looked like,

but so that you know what a dove looks like, because they're all pretty identical. But the nice crowning touch on it was the picture of the dove had a speech bubble coming out of the dove's mouth saying, I want to go home. It was saying, I represent peace. I want to go home. I went and saw this thing a couple weeks ago,

and it wasn't quite good enough to be an overseen, although you'll be the judge. I don't know if that last thing I did was. Well, never mind. Whoa. It was a picture that said something about they were looking for a lost cat, and it was a drawing of a cat.

Oh, I love it when they do that. And it had anatomy stuff pointed out, like eyes and fangs in the mouth. And it had a web address, and I looked up the web address, and it was a guy selling a coloring book that had pictures of cats. Oh, so maybe it wasn't... It wasn't a legitimate lost cat. It was viral marketing. And it worked on you.

Yep, because look at all these coloring books. Wow. That's awesome. Here's one that I heard in Roberts Creek last night on the patio. A bunch of girls, really drunk, taking a lot of Facebook photos of themselves. Squeeze in and smile. Do they have Facebook in Roberts Creek?

It's a face log. It's a different thing. It's just a log that everybody just pins their photos to. They were using a Polaroid camera with one of those big flashes. It had a giant cell phone attached to the Polaroid camera with one of those big flashes. It had a giant cell phone attached to the Polaroid camera. At one point, one of the girls, they were just drunk,

and the one girl goes, how many days are in a month? 30? 31? And then her friend goes, I don't know! Like, Fran was so tired of this conversation I don't know I told you I don't even know what a month

use your knuckles you know that trick for the month show us this is great podcast material form a knuckle your big knuckle there is January. And then the divot is February.

February is short March. April. May. June. July. And then repeat on August and go back. Isn't there a thing? Where did you learn that?

30 days has September, April, June, and November. All the rest has 31. Something, something. Oh, what fun. Something. Something. 31. Something, something. Oh, what fun. Something. Something. February. On the run.

Et cetera. Sometimes why. Check it out. Do I have my next overheard? Yes. Okay, so I was rudely awoken from a nap, and there's a guy in the alleyway. I live in the West End.

It's pretty spicy. It is spicy. So spicy. You live in the West End. It's pretty spicy. It is spicy. So spicy. You live in the Latin Quarter. It's good, though, for an insomniac, though, because there's always something keeping me entertained in the middle of the night. But this guy was getting arrested for hitting a woman in the alleyway. And the police said to him,

Sir, how much have you had to drink today? And he responded, Not enough. And I loved it because he was really using handcuffs i checked it out and he was in he's in bad shape yeah but it was the best response i've heard smooth great yeah and they everybody kind of eased off yeah it was really lightening the mood i hear where this guy's coming from the one cop opens a beer. Come on, buddy. Catch up. Well, that was a great set.

That was great. What's next? I don't know. What do you want to do? Which way do you want to swing with it? Let's do the date, who you had a crush on at what age. Celebrity crush hat.

Celebrity crush hat. Crush in the hats. Celebrity crush hat. Go fuck yourself. Celebrity crush hat. Chapeau chinois. Celebrity crush hats. Go fuck yourself. Celebrity crush hats. Chapeau chinois. Celebrity crush hat. Crush hat.

We pulled two numbers. Yeah. And Graham and I had decided that maybe we both had done 16 before. 16 or possibly like right around that maybe 14, 15. Because we both thought about Alicia Silverstone. I'm surprised by that. I just would like to say. My favorite thing about Alicia Silverstone.

She has a messy face. No, she's got a great face. Nothing'm surprised by that. I just would like to say. My favorite thing about Alicia Silverstone. She has a messy face. No, she's got a great face. Nothing's keeping that together. We'll see what happens. Well, it's happened. Her lips are like. It's over. That's it?

Yeah. The great thing about Alicia Silverstone is that if she was ever on the Flintstones, they wouldn't have to make up. You know, because they used to do that on the Flintstones, they wouldn't have to make up a name. You know, because they used to do that on the Flintstones, right? Like if your name was... Well, Kid Rock is another one. I was going to use Kid Rock

as an example for some reason. He's coming to town. Is he? It's Rock and Roll Revival. Kid Rock's Rock and Roll Revival. My grandfather golfed with... Kid Rock was in the party ahead of him. And I remember him calling and complaining.

He said, I don't know who this guy is, but there was a guy golfing at the golf. First of all, he was wearing an undershirt. I think his name was Mr. Stone or Brock Rockman. So, yeah, we pulled 26 was the age Yeah she took it first And then she Well you pulled 26 and you didn't like it Yeah and then I realized 16 was far more miserable

Yeah So 26 Do I reveal first? Your crush was James Gandolfini's character tony soprano from the sopranos yeah the sopranos is my favorite it's my favorite all-time tv show why did you have first of all let's scroll back for a second that you have a crush on a fictional character i was lonely that's fine in my relationship um i have sociopathic tendencies is that right absolutely what do you

mean no you don't make a face silently oh yeah i forgot this isn't television yeah um i don't know i kind of liked how he just dealt with stuff i think it makes sense the murdering yeah the abuse of the wife if i watch like two or three episodes in a row, I kind of become like Tony. Really? Yeah. The flandering. Very bossy. The drugs.

Undershirts. Calling people calm. Undershirt. ZD. Big ZD. Anytime someone loses their husband, send him to a big ZD. Charlie Demers and I, we spent the last season of The Sopranos together every Sunday night watching

how was that for you? we were partners, we've been trying to find a new show there isn't one don't try Dexter boring you're weird did you say Deadwood's boring? no

Dexter's boring Dexter you said was boring? yeah it Dexter's boring. No, it's not. Dexter, you said, was boring? Yeah, it's really scary, though. All right. I find scariness so boring. Are we going to talk about how hot Tony Soprano is or what, guys? Well, first we're going to talk about that Charlie and I have decided on Mad Men. Oh, Mad Men's great.

What is it? We can't. He's a busy guy. Isn't it on W Network? It's on. I forget what it's on. American Movie Channels Classics

are you guys rich what yes how many channels do you have as many as I need I have basic cable I have enough channels

that every at least once a month I can see Dan Quinn's comedy now I have a Korean hair straightener that's where I spent my money Korea makes the best

hair straighteners and you're not Korean no at all i look a bit korean you're korean me crazy my straight hair is straight hair yeah and your studious nature that's korean right so dave shimka let's talk gandalfini yeah is it gandalfini who cares yeah let's talk tony soprano because i had charlie told me that Gandolfini, you know when he had that thing where it was like the contract disputes? Do you know what that was all about? What?

His cocaine addiction. No, he rallied to get paid way more for the show, and they nearly shut down the Sopranos because of it, because he wanted way, way, way more money. But what he did with the pay raise was he divvied it up amongst all the cast. So he demanded a huge pay raise so that everybody else could have a huge pay raise.

That happened on Friends. They didn't get cancelled. They all went in and they said, we all want a million dollars. But nobody else on the show had the bargaining power of James Galdofini. A lifetime of repression. How did I... You said it right. But nobody else on the show had the bargaining power of James Galinofini. Is that how you pronounce it? A lifetime of repression. How did I?

You said James was guacamole? You said it right. But, well, of course Charlie would like that because Charlie is a communist. I call him a pinko. Okay. You're thinking of Steve Earle's Copperhead Road. That's all I'm ever thinking about. That's who my celebrity crush is.

Next, Dave, of going to you when i was 26 uh which was last year yeah which was surprising because it required an awful lot of research for us to look up uh who yeah crushes on at that age uh i don't think i'm i don't think you'll be satisfied with who you had. But who I came up with... I'm never satisfied with who I have. I came up with Victoria's Secret model, Marissa Miller. Don't know who that is. Oh, I don't remember her.

She's a blonde, former Perfect Ten model. Oh, she's the one I read in a magazine. She's the one who flipped the script. She started naked and then got progressively more clothed. Right. But she was recently named the number one hottest woman by the Maxim Hot 100. Which is an officially

researched like they do a thing. It's not just one guy that draws names out of a hat and jerks off to them. Some kind of boner event. They do. They get 100 boners. So wait, she was nominated this year?

She won it. She won it. She ran away with it. How old is she? Oh, wait. You guys were 26 last year. No. Never mind.

She's like 28 or something. I don't know. It doesn't matter to me. That's old. But what... It's finished. The important thing to me Is that

The fact that she was the Maxim number one What is it that's so attractive about this lady Is it her breast jewels She's got a handsome set of breast jewels She's got a few freckles In all the right places I don't understand what that means

I like freckles Do you like them when they're bunched up And they look like a giant mole in all the right places. I don't understand what that means. I like freckles. Do you like them when they're bunched up and they look like a giant mole? Or spread out? Actually, you got them on her face more than her boobles. You were pointing at your boobs when you said that.

I do that all the time. It draws attention. My boobs are down here. That's what I like to do. Eyes down here. But I kind of feel like it's less... I kind of feel like it's less uh i feel like it's a bad pick because it was picked by maxim so you feel that the fact that your crush coincides with maxim choices makes you somehow less of a human more of a frat human yeah um have you ever done a keg stand i have not oh

then you're not really a frat human. Oh, okay. I have. But I was never in a frat, so... If I was ever going to be accused of fratdom, I would back down and choose umbrella singer Rihanna. Oh, good call. I didn't even think about Rihanna.

She's gay. Oh, okay. Is she? For sure. That makes two of us. That doesn't mean that I can't... No, that means that you can. Have a crush.

Oh, it does. It means I can have her unrequited crush. Because it would be requited if she wasn't gay. Was she at the Gum Goop Cafe? Is it Gum Goop? What kind of cafe is that place? Do they serve lattes? Everything comes served in a gum boot.

That's why it's called the Gum Boot Cafe. Achoo. I don't think that I... We looked up a whole list of celebrity crushes or potential celebrity crushes, and I don't have a crush. I didn't have a crush on any of them. Were you dead inside?

I'm still dead inside, but that doesn't affect who I you know what honestly the only one that I actually thought was like actually had like a really interesting face and was actually pretty not my type or anything but was interesting face not my type or anything the gal I can't remember name the gal from Hairspray I thought she was she, she had a, Nikki Blonsky? Yeah, she had a very,

very pretty face and I could tell that she had a, she just, I don't know, she was very pretty. She could lose a few pounds though,

am I right? See, frat boy, here it is. She didn't make the top 100 Maxim list, but,

Jessica, what was the other one? Jessica Biel? Was that the one we agreed on? I could see. We should do a round next week of Jessica Biel or Jessica Alba. Oh, that's totally.

Wait, can we do that now? Well, I haven't done any research. We can pause. We can come back. Fuck that. Fuck you. We got all night, Dave. You're not going outside.

But you were saying that when we started the Celebrity Crush Hat, you said off air I believe that no matter what age it's just going to be Harrison Ford. Yeah.

That's what you said. Until the movie. Now it's over. I had a big day. You know how I said I was watching the Kirsten Dunst

picture. Kirsten Dunst. You guys don't have a crush on her? No but I did have a crush. I did at that era like at age

20. Did you see that movie? The one that Sofia Coppola did, that one? Yeah. Virgin Suicides? Yeah. Dustin Ladd. But then she also did. Made out with her in that movie.

Oh, that makes two of us. Except I wasn't on set. You did have a crazy year that year. Dave Shumka, you get around. Yeah. Also made out with co-star Kathleen Turner. Hi, Dave Shumka. But after watching that movie, or before watching that movie,

I watched Air Force One with your boyfriend Harrison Ford. Right. Featuring the great line, Get off my plane! And then, or later, he's being chased by a rogue Russian Air Force unit, and they're on his tail, and he says, Get him off my tail! That could be looped in some sort of, like,

phone sex situation. Just get off, get off, get off. What's Abby do? My tail. And then, right? Think about it. People really like their phone sex situation. Just get off, get off, get off. What's Abby do? My tail. And then, right? Think about it. People really like their phone sex PG. So yeah, Harrison Ford.

But that started in 1970-something for me. But see, that's high. Seven or six? Star Wars or American Graffiti? Oh, no. It would be Star Wars. A new hope? So Harrison Ford. Many years. I had lots of Star Wars stuff.

Are we allowed to do that? Are we allowed to continue on ones that just have... They're still alive in 2006 and I don't not have a crush on them? No, no. Because I think presumably we'll come upon... We want to go with the star of that year. Yeah, we'll eventually run out of Crush material in this segment because you and I do it every week, twice a week. I've already run dry. I just picked the girl from Hairspray. I'm drunk.

I think I got beer goggles on. I was impressed. I got beer and Crush goggles. I think you're looking for points because the girl from Hairspray is beautiful, but not in a conventional marketing sort of way. But here's the thing. It's so many of those women on the list. Look, they all, they don't, I mean, they're not unattractive.

How many people on the list have breast implants? Because I was thinking about getting some. Not enough. Yeah? No, you weren't. Why not? She's not going to get them in her chest. She's just going to get them.

Why not? Because they don't look good, ever. In a dress, they do. Oh, that's true. Did you know that the first ever, I think it was the first ever Maxim Hot 100 number one was Hollywood royalty Rebecca Gayheart.

Oh, Rebecca Gayheart. She's gorgeous. Yeah, she's pretty. Yeah, but for a Maxim reader? No. I would have expected... What are you putting Rebecca Gayheart? She's the intellectual masturbation subject. I was expecting a...

Oh, I was thinking Barbara Hershey. Sorry. I was thinking Diane Wiest. Ah, Diane Wiest. I knew this would come up Dave doesn't think that I look like Diane Wiest Do you? There's a resemblance I don't think so

Maybe I have you tried flat ironing your hair Well Chris Angel and I have been discussing it No but a lot of those women on the list they just like they're not i'm not saying they're not pretty and they're not attractive but they all kind of look there's no variety on that list if you were a woman on maxim's hot 100 list this year and you disagree with graham email us at stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com uh i think jessica all was. I think maybe I had a thing.

But I met her one time. Oh, yeah. That'll ruin it. It did ruin it. She was nice, but you know. Yeah. Not like the time that I met MVP. I have a story about Jessica Alba.

The mouse-reliable primate. Was she really nice? No. She was staying at the Sudden Place Hotel, and my friend was a waitress there. And every day, they have a set menu. And every day, she'd come in and say, is this all you serve?

Classy. She was wearing a fedora. Is this all you serve? Good night. We can't do that segment because you don't want to research it. Why are you being lazy, Dave? Yeah, don't be lazy.

All right, let's do this. Do you want me to sing it? oh yeah yeah I said it's real oh alpha oh real oh alpha oh real

probably should have done that the other way around oh well doesn't matter so here we are in our I don't know how many times we've done this this is like number five something like that episode

spawning originally from take it or leave it yes this is where you will read a bunch of clues we will discuss or well not discuss

we'll try and figure out if it is more Jessica Biel or more Jessica Alba do we need buzzers? no no it's just a you know it's not I saw the debaters theba. Do we need buzzers? No. No, it's just a, you know. It's not a, it's not, it's. I saw the debaters the other day and they had buzzers.

I heard it was okay. I heard that some of the people were, it didn't do very well. But that doesn't matter. They'll sweeten it in post. You get paid for that? Sweetly. That's how they sweeten it in post. They pay him a lot of money.

Alright, which of these is more Jessica Biel and which is more Jessica Alba? Here we go. I think you can excel at this. Asthma. Alba. Alba. You're right because it sounds more like Alba. Is that why? Well, also she had asthma.

Oh, hey, that could be a jumping off point should I ever meet her in a hotel lobby. We both had asthma. Oh, hey. That could be a jumping off point. Should I ever meet her in a hotel lobby? We both have asthma. Golf. Beale. Beale. Alba. What?

Really? She plays golf? What does she have in common with Timberlake? She enjoys golf. Good call. Deal. Beal. This is like password.

According to her Facebook or IMDB trivia, Beal's last name rhymes with deal. Fact. But there's no word, D-I-E-L. Right, but on the page it's spelled deal. Fact. But there's no word D-I-E-L. Right, but on the page it's spelled deal. I'm from Quebec. Right.

That was a learning disability. That's my sniffing. Bile. Alba. Bile. That's Abby's nickname for Jessica Bile. Really? Why? Remember when she was on 7th Heaven? Has she seen The Illusionist?

It's no The Prestige. All the light bulbs? Oh wait, that's The Prestige. Oops. Abby also refers to Nelly Furtado as Smelly Furtaco. She's a keeper. She is a keeper. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Sid and Nancy. Bill.

Bill. Jessica Alba has two pugs named Sid and Nancy. We're losing against Dave Shumka. He's not competing. You guys are competing. Yeah. Oh, I'm winning. Oh, good for you. Congratulations.

Have I said asthma yet? Which one graduated high school at age 16? If she's from Quebec, that's normal. Well, neither of them are. Except possibly Jessica Deal. Deal, neither of them are. Except possibly just good deal.

It's Alba. It is Alba. Hey, who takes the lead? No one's really keeping track. Okay. So she's smart? Is that what that's supposed to imply? How could she not be? 16! Where were you at

16? Still in high school. Unless you were in Quebec. No, we're graduating. She's Quebecois. Alba. She's supposed to be the hottest girl and also she's super smart. And she's rich. That's the thing.

I wouldn't take Jessica Alba if she wasn't rich. You have enormously high standards. Which one of them collects vintage glasses with no lenses? Some retard. Alba. Raven-Symoné.

You both are wrong. And finally, dog sled. Beale. The day Jessica Beale was born, her parents took her to a dog sled race. Cheers! The same day. The day that she was born. Why would I lie?

I don't know what day it was, but that seems ill-advised to take your infant to a dog sled race. And they didn't even wipe her off. Oh, so yogurt-y? She was covered in movie theater yogurt. Movie theater? TCBY. Taking care of business yogurt.

Are we done? I think we're done. How could we not be? I don't know. You made it. Alicia Tobin, do you have anything that you want to plug that's coming up in the near future? Nope. All right. you want to plug that's coming up in the near future? Nope.

Alright, well, if you enjoyed our show, then congratulations on finding it and listening to it. If you would like to contact us, stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com and go to stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com

to read our recap blog. Do it. And send us an email about how much you hate our rival podcast. Oh, yeah. What rival podcast?

This is a message to the rival podcast. What do we call it? I think they're the Exploding Sandwich. Exploding Sandwich. I haven't bothered to download your podcast yet.

But when I do, I'm sure to be disappointed. Listen. I have downloaded it and I'm sure to be disappointed. Listen, I have downloaded it, and I'm shaking in my boots! Well, we know that it's on. We can say this because we know that this doesn't come out for like three more weeks. Not only that, but

me and my agoraphobic co-host, I'll meet you in the street, and Dave will stay by the window and call Grandpa in as a reinforcement. But Grandpa's huge huge so watch your ass exploding sandwich thanks for listening everybody to stop podcasting yourself my name is graham clark and remember to stop podcasting yourself Thank you.