Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 160 - Jane Stanton

Episode Date: April 5, 2011

Comedian Jane Stanton returns to talk about male strippers, fountain drinks, and degenerate gamblers.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 160 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who will make you feel like you're the only girl in the world, Mr. Dave Shumka. Like you're the only living... Is that the line? The only living girl in the world?

Yeah, because the rest are zombies. A lot of dead girls in the world. I don't know the next line. Like I'm the only living girl in the world. Night of the dead girls in the world. I don't know the next line. Like I'm the only living girl in the world. Night of the living girl in the world. And our guest today on episode 160, somebody who hasn't been on the show for too long, we realize now. Much too long. But she was, like, when we started, she was one of the frontrunners.

She used to be our most frequent guest, and then we banned her for 2010. And now she's back, making a triumphant return, Miss Jane Stanton. Hello. Welcome. Welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. Should we get to know her? Yeah.

Get to know us. Jane. Yes. We were just talking. Uh-huh. You've adopted a dog. Yes. To get to know us Jane Yes We were just talking Uh huh You've adopted a dog Yes And it's

I've only seen one photo Lulu Lulu So adorable Was it pre-named? It was named Sydney I didn't want to do that 90210

Bad memories Was that Gabrielle Carteris' character? Yes No It was the redhead Was named Sydney And she was a little whore. I didn't want to do the dog.

Was that the latest season? Melrose Place. Melrose Place. Thanks, Graham. Yeah, Sydney was the crazy redhead. I love that you know that. Right, right, right. I used to watch it with my mom.

Is she now a desperate housewife? Yes. No. Yeah, isn't she? No, she was... Sydney was the younger skinny one with red hair. Are you sure she wasn't blonde? Yeah, not the younger skinny one with red hair. Are you sure she wasn't blonde?

Yeah, not the fat one from Melrose Place. No, not the big one. Not at all. The truck driver character? Yeah. I'm just crashing here for a week. I'm super body positive. Is that an expression?

Super body positive? Body positive? Well, you can be super body positive, like you really like super body. Sure, yeah. So you've got a dog. Yes. Is this the first time you've owned a pet in your adult life? In my adult life, yes.

I grew up with dogs, but that doesn't count because it was a family. You were raised by dogs. I was raised by dogs. A wolf and chihuahua mix. A wolf and chihuahua mix? I can see that happening. Had to have C-sections because the head's so big. So the mom

was the chihuahua. You don't think a female wolf is going to let a male chihuahua. A really charming one. Sure, yeah. Like a Beverly Hills. Yes. Oh wait, no. Melrose Place chihuahua. You were Beverly Hills. Yeah. Yes. Oh, wait, no. Melrose Place. Hold on.

You were raised by wolf boys. Yes. I wish. And yeah, first time. Had her for two weeks. And I've become that loser that talks to her. I'm like, hey, look at you. Yeah.

And she's super cute. And she's got mange. You're worried that you also have mange I have mange I had to get rid of some hair on the body and yeah I felt like it was like a boyfriend that maybe might not be attracted because everyone's like what does she look like

I'm like she's got a really good personality I kept selling that I'm like I oh and then I'm like look at her they're like oh she has scabs she doesn't have scabs is she like Natalie Portman in Black Swan I, oh, and then I'm like, look at her. They're like, oh, she has scabs. She doesn't have scabs. Is she like Natalie Portman in Black Swan and just keeps scratching her rash?

Oh, my God, yes. I should have called her that. Black Swan? Yes. Swando? I forget the character's name. Swando. John Swando.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot of work. Yeah. I knew that, it's a lot of work. Yeah. I knew that, but didn't. No, because you've never had pet in adult life. No. No, I did. You said you did. A fish.

Oh, a fish. It's not the same. Was your fish crate trained? It was. It was a Siamese fighting fish. Oh, yeah. freight trained it was it was a siamese fighting fish oh yeah i my brother had siamese fighting fish and within a week he bought another one and you can't put them in a tank together don't tell me well no they were fine but it was like as soon as they were in the tank together that's where

they got their name from oh yeah they uh They started tearing the shit out of each other, so it was quick. In with the scoop, and then you're staying in a glass of water until we figure out what to do with you. They didn't just have domestic disputes. They had actual physical fights. They didn't draw a line down the middle of the aquarium. You're not allowed to talk to the scuba man anymore. Stay out of my castle.

So what's it like taking on the responsibility? Dave's a longtime dog owner and taker carer of her. Yeah, but he's got another half that's... Yeah, that does help. Honestly, it must, because I put her in a crate, and then some people give me looks like, you're fucking horrible. Are you taking the crate out on the town? Why are you putting her in a crate, and then some people give me looks like, you're fucking horrible. Are you taking the crate out on the town?

Why are you putting her in a crate in public? It's not a public day. God, if I could punch you, boom. To sleep in and stuff. I don't want her sleeping in the bed. I don't want to be that person that's like, nuzzle with me. It would be fun, though, wouldn't it? I did it for five minutes.

Was it great? It was awesome. So this crate thing's not going to last. Probably not. I'm sleeping in the crate. It's tiny, too. You've got to get a bigger crate. You've got to go to some weird German sex store. I need a human crate.

The worst part is I have a huge dog crate underneath. I could sleep in it. It's a lot of work. Wines to go pee. Yeah. Yeah, dogs can't do the cat thing. They don't go in a box.

They can. She was pad trained. It's the sickest thing in the world. It's like a giant. Like sick awesome? No, sick gross. It's a giant, yeah, maxi pad, almost like a diaper. Yeah. It's like a giant... Like sick awesome? No, sick gross. It's a giant, yeah, maxi pad, almost like a diaper.

It's a big square and so she'd pee and poo on that because that's what they do with little dogs. Went online and they're like, get rid of the pads so she goes outside now, like within a day she was doing it. What about, why can't kids do that? That seems like that would save money on diapers,

right? If you just had a pad laid out on the back patio or whatever. Not like far out so they get cold. Yeah, and you just let your kid run around naked. And when you feel it, you've got to go onto the pads and then just move the pads closer and closer to the toilet. That's right. And then they can do the potty dance. I don't know what that is. It's a commercial.

It's the worst thing. No one? Okay. Nope. So what else is going on? You've got Lulu. Oh, yeah. I want to hear about, later today you're going to a bachelorette party?

Or a stagette, as they call it. It's a shower stagette. Ooh, sexy. It's a combination. So we get to watch. I find it weird. You get to watch what? I was going to get there.

You get to watch them have sex. That's part of the thing. On a giant pee pad. Guys don't do that. It's a shower or a baby shower, anything like that. You sit around and watch the women, lady, open all the presents. It's the most boring thing. Even when you're a child, you're like, this is boring.

Yeah, where's my present? Yeah. Where's the cake? And so we're having it at my house. It's like Mexican themed. In what ways? There's a pinata. There's going to be a cockfight.

Yes. That's racist. Not's going to be a cockfight. Yes! That's racist. Not just Mexicans have cockfights. No, sure. What other races do? Caucasian? Yep. And?

Keep going. All races. All races can enjoy a cockfight. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Agreed. Let's all join hands with our fellow man and watch chickens tear each other apart.

Roosters. Roosters. So you're having a piñata. And there's food. The Mexican theme is mostly going to be... There's tacos in the piñata. Just taco meat. That would be delicious.

All right, everyone, hold out your tacos. I'm going to hit the piñata. What if it was like a hyper-realistic piñata, like it looked like an animal, and then you hit it and taco meat just spilled out the side of it? Oh, that would be the worst. It would be amazing. Yeah, it would be amazing. So I'm guessing the Mexican theme is mostly the food. Yes, and then they're doing, I think, Let's Make a Deal.

That's it. Alexi's doing that. My roommate is. There's box number one, which is a costume, and box number two and box number three. And that's what she has to wear. And I'm like, just combine all the costumes. So what is the costume? One is a sombrero with a mustache and something else.

The other one's like a clown, fuzzy, wazzy wig. Which you're terrified of. If memory serves, you're terrified of clowns and all things associated with clowns. I'm fine with it now. I'm okay. Are you really? No. A bow tie and a red thing.

Why do you... I don't understand why you have to dress the person up like an idiot. And the third one's something else. Are you going out at all? You have to dress the person up like an idiot. And the third one's something else. But are you going out at all? We're at our house, and then we're going downtown, Gastown, somewhere for drinks, and then the lamplighter.

So you have... But the thing about a... Roll of eyes. Yeah, rolling of eyes. The thing about a stagette is that you need to dress the person up crazy and then parade them in front of idiots. Well, I guess you're all idiots. We're idiots.

That's why. Yes. You know what would be great? I don't know if you've ever done this, but a great place for bachelorette parties is go to a comedy show. Yeah, yeah. I suggested it. Especially go down to Laugh Lines. Oh, yeah.

That's the queen. And then sit in the front row and demand they pay attention to you. You could go to, I believe this weekend, weekend they have the guy isn't it the guy from king of queens who's not kevin james or patton oswald oh right oh i was asked to do spots guys um yeah because it doesn't the usual costume of the stag at like a uh uh the penis on that it's usually cocks i just saw them when I was at Laugh Lines. There was like three. But lit up. So like a crown of wieners.

Yeah, like a head... A crown of wieners. And then there's usually the straw with the penis. Oh yeah, like it's a drink bottle. Fuck for a sack. How many have you gone to? Because I've only been to one bachelor party. Probably over 10.

Wow. Have you ever been to strippers? Yes. And have they ever... And I got kicked out. You got kicked out for doing what? We were at the Big Bamboo. That hasn't existed in a long time.

I know. And my friend, we went there for strippers. And I always found it weird. It's like almost wrestling how some of the females are like, yeah! Like they go crazy for a guy pretending to have sex with no one there on the ground, dry humping. And yet if I did it right now, you'd be horrified. Let's, come on, no I wouldn't. And I'd be like, yeah!

You'd have to kick her out of here. Put on some Bon Jovi. And then it went into a dance club. And there was one, the last stripper was, I was just laughing the whole time. The last stripper was a Smurf. And then took off his Smurf outfit. Was he blue? Yes.

Blue and white, like the Smurf outfit. But was his skin blue? No. Oh, that would have been great. That would have been nice. But so, so much prep. Exactly. For one dance number.

You'd have to go to multiple clubs to make it worthwhile. And then there was dancing. We were dancing on the stage. And this lady pushed me into my friends. And then my friend pushed me into her friends and then she pushed me off the stage oh wow and i went back up and then my friend pushed her in again and she punched me in the lip what and i was i went to like i pushed her and then the bouncers like threw me out the bartender's like Get the guy who was dressed like the cop.

We had a situation here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get Officer Hotpants out of here. What was the thing on Arrested Development with the hot cops? Hot cops, yeah. And they would get called to real crimes and stuff. That's right. Yeah, I was at one club when I was 18,

and it was downtown Calgary. I don't know if it's there anymore. It used to be called the Palace. And on Tuesday night or Wednesday night was ladies night, but it started at nine. So you could drink there. But then at like quarter to nine, all the bouncers flooded the floor and grabbed all the guys and made them go upstairs. And so it was just all dudes upstairs and downstairs they had the male strippers and if you would went and stood on the stairwell you

could see downstairs and they were so funny so funny the costumes it was the it was the greatest i just totally watched yeah oh what were the costumes like cowboy i assume no there was no cowboy there was a fireman. There was an astronaut or an attempt at an astronaut. What was the attempt? Well, he was wearing a... Two cans on the side. He's just wearing soda cans on the side.

And a fish tank. Yeah. He was wearing like a jumpsuit that, you know, like when people are like, this area has biomedical... You know, like he was wearing a jumpsuit that, you know, when people are like, this area has biomedical duty. He was wearing one of those. Sure, yeah. Like, this area is contaminated. And then a plastic space helmet.

And he came out all slow. Like he's on the moon. I thought you were going to say plastic bag. I'm just saying. This is one small cock for man, one giant cock for mankind. Now, male strippers, do they get completely naked? Completely naked. Then what?

These guys didn't. They got down to the top. Oh, my God. I can't believe I just... You just made me think. They get naked, and then they'll have like a ring at the base of their cocks. And you've got to eat it. It's hard.

You eat it. It's a lifesaver. Okay, so one of the stagettes i went to because you made me just think of it they we did there's pole dancing and we ate at someone's house we didn't know it was the weirdest pole dancing for the everyone for us to do the ladies then the door bell went and i'm like oh god it's a stripper walks in i went to high school with him oh no i'm like oh my god oh my god i'm freaking out everyone's like ah and i'm like he's not gonna come up to me kept coming up to everyone

and like he was wearing cutoffs that were like underwear so that his dicks hanging out like parents listen to this they don't know slang oh that's true yeah and he wouldn't come up to me. He would walk up to everybody and do a crazy dance and stuff. And he would walk up and do a turn. And then afterwards, I was like, hey. I'm like, how are you? And I said his name. And he's like, do I know you?

I'm like, North Vancouver. And it was just me and him. And he was like, no. I moved. I'm like, no, but originally. It was the weirdest thing. Wow. That's crazy. And then I felt bad. But I'm like, uh, no, uh, I moved. I'm like, no, but originally it was the weirdest thing. Wow. That's crazy.

And then I felt bad, but I'm like, he's making good money. He probably made like 350 for 15 minutes of work. Wow. Hmm. Even I'm like, I could wear a strap on. I should do this. Well, I could be a maelstromer. That's what I thought.

You're less exploited, I'm sure. Because there's no place in this world for female strippers to do their thing. There's none. I bet the walk just from the car to the door is really weird in the stripper verse. Like just carrying a boombox. Dressed up like uncle sam have a boombox ipod what is he supposed to do with an ipod what if you don't have somewhere that would be put on your headphones i've got a splitter and you wouldn't know what you're getting what if if you got the wrong mix-up? Like a mix-up that you're the guy's stag?

Or what if you're at the wrong house? Yeah, that's true. I heard somebody... We did order a pizza, as a matter of fact, sir. We did call a domestic disturbance. Thank you. That would be the worst if you showed up dressed as a cop. What would be the worst character for a stripper to play?

I guess a nudist. Sexily put your clothes back on. This is the reverse for me. Yeah, or do you wear one of those muscle suits over top of it and you slowly take it off? The worst. Do you remember there was a show for kids called, or maybe it wasn't a show, but he was a character called, I think his name was, like, Slim Goodbody, and he had the suit that

showed what was going on inside. On the outside. Like, he had, like, a part part, like his arm was all muscle. Yeah. And his heart and his rib cage. Oh, the guy from Operation. Yeah. Anyways, he was always, I don't remember what show he was on.

But he would show you like, this is what your, you know, this is what your liver does or whatever. But he had this really gross suit. I think that would be the worst stripper's gift. That would be. Filled with taco meat. He unzips it all, the taco meat falls out. If I were a male stripper, my thing would be, you know those fake nylon sleeves that look like tattoos?

That would be my move. I'd put them on my legs, too. Like you come out like a circus freak that's covered in tattoos and reveal. Or if I ever knew I was going to be playing strip poker, I would put on extra layers of things. Yeah, oh yeah. Oh, for sure.

But no one ever knows they're going to be playing strip poker. Yeah, it's true. Nobody shows up to a poker game. It's usually when people are really hammed. Oh, good. They're like, hey, let's play strip poker. Yeah, it's true. Nobody shows up to a poker game. It's usually when people are really hammed. Oh, good. Yeah. They're like, hey, let's play strip poker. I've lost at strip poker. No! Yeah. But everyone else

sort of won. Yeah, in a way. Sort of. All the ladies we were playing with were really good poker players. They're on the circuit. They're wearing sunglasses. We're all just sitting there like completely naked. They've only taken off one shoe.

All the ladies we were playing with were super serious Vietnamese guys. You go to one of those underground clubs, you lose a handshake off your pants. These are the rules as I know them. I bet a long strip poker game wouldn't be fun because people start to sober up towards the end of it. Yes, that would be the worst. Yeah, and the other thing is, too, is you kind of get used to how a room feels with clothes on temperature-wise. Yeah, for your entire life. Yeah, exactly.

So then you're sitting there with no clothes on and you're like, oh, it's cold. Everything's cold. But along with what you're saying, because it's one of those ideas when you're drunk and you're like, this is a good idea. This will be so fun. And then when you're losing, you're like, oh, this isn't fun. Yeah, this is the worst. I only really drink alone. So you play strip sol you're like, oh, this isn't fun. Yeah, this is the worst. I only really drink alone, so. So you play strip solitaire.

Yeah, that's right. I got you. I'm trying to think of, I haven't been to a bachelor party in a long, long time. Because everybody I know that's gotten married, I've mostly known the female half of, so I'm not ever, I go to the, I get the wedding part, but I don't get the.

What about, didn't you just have, went to a wedding? Yeah, but that was, that was, I knew the female half of the wedding. Which one,

what wedding did I just go to? Oh yeah, but I don't, oh yeah, he might have had a stay. I wasn't invited to that. We'll have to talk about that when he's here next. What I'm saying is I just want to wear a vagina on my head.

Yeah, the men's side, they don't really do that. No, guys dress up and die like a girl most of the time. Yeah, or they just make him wear like a half shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Did I tell you? I think I talked about it on this podcast at some point. When I was last in the UK, we went to a town called Blackpool, and it's kind of like what Niagara Falls is like.

Yeah, it's the big carnival place. And yeah, and every Friday night, Friday and Saturday, it's all stagettes and bachelor parties from around the country. They call them hen parties. Hen parties, yeah. And what are the male equivalent? Cockadoodledoos? And the thing they do there is everybody dresses as a theme. So everybody in the party has to dress up. So there was like a Spice Girls and a Top Gun and Smurfs.

There were Smurfs because we saw them on the roller coaster the next day. And their blue paint was still kind of on their faces. That sounds like the worst idea ever. Oh, yeah. I like it, actually. Like it's a team. It's a squad. Yeah, it's a squad.

We're the Ghostbusters for the night. You're in a place where bachelor parties hang out. Yeah. And it's just, that's all it is. And people are just like, oh, man, by two in the morning, everybody's puking everywhere. It's like, it's... And it doesn't close until five in the morning. Yeah.

So there's three more hours to go. But, well, have fun at your Mexican theme. I will. And then your, it's Mexican theme because the wedding is in Mexico. Yeah. It's in Puerto Vallarta. And you go to Mexico a lot. I don't.

I just went at the end of January. Yeah, that's more. Wait, wait. That's more than the zero times I've gone. How many times have you been in your life? Probably six times. This will be my sixth. That's a lot.

Okay, but that's like when I was younger. I went for my grad. Yeah, everything happened when you were younger. Nothing has happened in the future. I went in at the end of January because there was a crazy seat sale. So that's all I had to pay for was the airfare. But you had to sit in a crazy seat. Yes.

Which had a clown in it. Next to a crate of chicken. It's a crazy seat. It was an ejection seat. Sito loco. If only you knew the Spanish word for it. I know, siesta loco. Yeah, siesta.

Crazy sleep. Yeah. Went there in January and going again in like three weeks. That's a lot. Okay, that is, yes, but I hadn't been there in a long time before that. When was the last time that you went home? 24 months. Like three years earlier.

Mexico City, that's different. That's not the Mexico we know. Mexico City is, that was for my friend Paula's wedding. Right. What was her bachelorette party like? Oh, we went dancing. That was just, it was a cool one. We had drinks at our house and we went dancing. That was a great one. We had drinks at our house and we went dancing.

That was a great one. That sounds all right. One of my friends got lucky. Boom. Oh, my. Oh, with a Mexican lad? Oh, no, not in Mexico. The bachelorette party was here.

Oh, okay. The question still stands. Was it with a Mexican lad? Yes. He was Mexican theme. He would have painted on a little mustache. This is cute. Yeah.

Dave, what's going on with you? You know, not a lot. No? Just working a lot. Yesterday on my lunch downtown, I did see a weird thing, though, that I wanted to talk about. I did see a weird thing, though, that I wanted to talk about. It was a grand opening of this cell phone store called Moblicity. Okay.

Or Mobile City. There might be an extra I in there. Sure. It's not very well branded. And here's another way that it's not very well branded. It had just taken over the space of the previous store, and they hadn't taken down the sign on the front so it was weird because they had it was so bright and like pink and green inside and there was someone outside giving uh they had like an old-timey popcorn popper and they were handing out free popcorn samples but if you like if you looked at the like brand names on the little hands

handouts they were giving it said mobile city or Mobility or whatever it's called. Right. But the big front of the store still said, The Tobacco Patch. What a great name for a place. Yeah. The Tobacco Patch. And it's like a... Isn't that what you wear to quit smoking?

Oh, yeah. Maybe it is. Well, that store has quit selling smoking. It was like a place that sold cigars and pipe tobacco. Yeah. Weird. But wouldn't you wait to take that down? Put a sign up? Yeah. Or at least take down the old sign?

Before your grand opening celebration? And also popcorn. what does that have to do with anything i think that's something that everyone loves pop yeah fact just something to bring people in the door that cost you i'd be in the door two cents isn't there wasn't there like a mythbusters thing that you could pop popcorn with a cell phone or something like that is that a thing did i just make that up i don't know that you were popcorn with a cell phone yeah like that the radio waves if you like. I don't know.

I think I've got the wrong thing. I think you need to send it into Mythbusters. Yeah, can you pop popcorn? They just sent me back a letter. No. Is popcorn at a movie theater the most marked up thing in the world? Yes. Like that or cola at a movie theater?

And pop is too, yeah. Because pop costs like a dollar or no, a penny or two cents to do. And they mark it up huge. A penny or two cents to do. To make. Like it costs them. So the rest is all profits. The same as popcorn.

I think fountain soda in general is probably one of the, because it's literally the only thing you're buying is, once you have it in the machine, is syrup. And that costs nearly nothing. A penny or two cents to do. You know, like a penny or two to do. A penny or two cents. Yeah. Which is a different currency. It is.

I really like fountain pop. If you get a good one. Sure. What's your favorite top two? What are we talking about? Fountain Pop. Don't you know places? Oh, place?

No, I don't. I couldn't. Oh, you mean your favorite place to go for a Fountain Pop? Yeah. I found that any place that rollerblading slash roller skating is going on, good Fountain Pop. I like it really syrupy. Yeah. Well, this is the place for you, my friend.

But I don't, I've kind of stopped drinking pop. Oh, and rollerskating. Yeah. But whenever I go for fast food, I'm too embarrassed to order water. Too embarrassed? I don't think that's what I meant to say. But, like, I'm afraid they'll judge me. I'll lose my street cred.

Why would you be embarrassed? Well, it's like, what do you want to drink with that? Coke, obviously. Sometimes they'll just say, you want Coke with that. Oh, yeah. I feel like I, and I think a lot of people probably have the same thing. When you buy at like a movie theater, you buy a thing of popcorn or candy. And then if you ask for a diet pop, you feel like a dummy because it's like, yeah, that's going to make a difference.

Jerk. You know? But they don't care. Nobody's thinking anything at the movie theater except how much they hate it. Oh, wow. Nobody's thinking anything at the movie theater except how much they hate it. Have you ever gotten an enormous thing that they're like, hey, free refills on that. And you're like, yeah, right.

Like, I'm never going to finish this. But have you ever finished it and gotten a refill? Never. No. I did once because... Of what? Of pop. An enormous pop because the movie

I was going with like five friends and the movie we were going to see was sold out and so we just we were going to go to a later show like an hour later and so it had kind of like the you bought your food before you gave your ticket over

so it's like we took the food and then we just went and sat in the mall and uh we we just like parsed out the pop into five different cups nice and drink it that's real hobo style thing yeah yeah i thought you drank it yourself i was like you must have been peeing the whole time because that's like almost 1.5 liters or something. It's huge. What's your bladder? Welcome back to What's Your Bladder? With Mr. Taco Meat Body.

Or what was the name of the guy? Mr. Good Body. What's his bladder? On the outside. He is. Everything's on the outside. It's awesome. He's got a? On the outside. It is. Everything's on the outside. It's outside. He's got a colostomy bag.

What if he actually... No, the colostomy bag would be inside. Because he's reversed everything. What if that was actually a condition he had where everything was on the outside? He'd be very sensitive to changes in wind. Just... Yeah. It'd be gross if your muscles were on the outside.

Yes. If anything was on the outside, it would be gross. A lot of the stuff that is on the outside is kind of gross. Yeah, that's true. Have you ever seen things where there's a kid born with the heart on the outside? I was thinking that, yeah. And then they have to wear a protective chest plate thing? They can't play football. No. They can never play football. No.

They can never play football. Can't they just put it back in? Yeah. Come on, doctors. Back in? It's not like it was in and then went out. I know, but like, open, get a chainsaw, break open the wrist. Chainsaw?

That's what they use. A bone saw. Chainsaw. Sure, get a table saw. It was supposed to be there. Obviously, there's a glitch. Yeah, reboot. Warranty.

I just don't understand why you'd keep it out. That'd be weird. Yeah. They don't... Well, it's obviously weird. I know. They don't say, no, we're just going to keep it on the weird. I know. They don't say, no, I'm just going to keep it on the outside.

I think there's a problem. I thought they'd done... I get there's a problem. It's not like a pop-o-matic bubble where you just push it back in. But I thought they did the surgery. They opened up the ribs and they put the heart back

where it should have been. Yeah. Can they do a heart transplant with his own heart? Yeah, I feel so. Come on, Doc. Come on, Graham. Yeah.

As soon as he said Bonesaw, I couldn't stop thinking of Macho Man in the original Spider-Man film. His character is named Bonesaw. Oh, yeah. That weird wrestling scene. Yeah. I like that movie,

how Spider-Man was trying to figure out what to do with his spider powers, and he's like, hmm, wrestling. I guess I'll be a wrestler. I don't know why they're rebooting it so fast. Do people hate Tobey Maguire that much? That last one was pretty bad. I haven't seen be a wrestler. I don't know why they're rebooting it so fast. Do people hate Tobey Maguire that much? That last one was pretty bad. I haven't seen any of those.

You haven't seen any of the Spider-Men? No. Spider-Men? None. Don't you like Kirsten Dunst? No. What do you think of Kirsten Dunst? In Bring It On, I do.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Her career really dovetailed? No. Tailspin. Tailspin. Yeah. Well, no. What has she No, tailspin. Tailspin. Dovetailed.

Well, no, what has she done? She just hasn't done anything. Oh, didn't she do one where she played a drunk? Crazy Beautiful? Yeah, yeah. Wasn't she drunk in that one? I don't know. She had a couple scenes without a bra.

That was nice. Yeah, probably drunk. Women only forget their bra when they're drunk. Yeah, probably drunk. Women only forget their bra when they're drunk. No, she just hasn't done anything in the last couple of years, I don't think. I think more than that. I like her.

Do you? I'm still on board. Bring it on, I was on board. I don't like Toby, that's why. Not a fan of him. Yeah. Right. Okay.

What about Andrew Garfield? What are your feelings? I don't know. He's the new Spider-Man. Yeah. Oh. He was the guy who played the best friend in the social network. Some friend. The guy with the brown hair?

Yeah. Hmm. The handsome guy. I kind of like... He was the only person I liked in the social network. Hmm. Wasn't a fan of the movie. You didn't like John Facebook? You didn't like Twinsie McGee?

I did like them. Yeah. Except there was only one of them. That was computer effects. No, it wasn't. Yeah, it was. I don't believe you. Why did they just cast twins?

I don't know. A lot of twins look weird. Yeah, that's true. Oh, speaking of which, remind me during overheards. It's not an overheard, but somebody took a picture of two twins that live in their town. I saw that. They dress exactly the same, but they're adults. Yeah, and they had ponytails and looked a bit like Mario Batali.

Yeah. Jane looks like she's going to throw up. Are they both single? That's disgusting. I don't know. Would you date a twin? Would you date a set? Yes. I wouldn't if they had a ponytail. This came up in discussion last night. Guys with long hair

would freak me out. Right. Because if the lights were off and then the hair got in my face, I'd be like, I'm maybe kissing a girl. I don't know why. Especially if he puts on something like a real cherry lip balm or something like that. And hair elastics, they go missing all the time. He puts on lip

smackers just before he turns off the lights. My lip smackers? That's my vanilla! I think there's an age when men have to stop having long hair. And it's probably around 30. I have long hair right now. But it's long-ish. I have long hair right now. But it's not real.

But it's long-ish. No. It's almost down to my shoulders. It's not long. It's not long. It's not going down my back. I was thinking eight years old. You said 30?

Well, no. I mean, like some guys, like, you know. Like a Dave Grohl. Yeah. A rock and roll guy. Kenny G. Boom. He has short hair now, doesn't he?

I think he does. Oh, does he? He has a mohawk. Kenny G. and Michael Bolton were in a band together before they were famous. What? No. Yeah. What were they called?

I don't know. The Monsters of Awesome? The Nuts and Boltons. He's not Boltons, and he's nuts. Why does Kenny G have to be nuts? Oh, because of his huge testicles? Okay, Graham, what's getting to know you? What's your beef?

Yeah, what's your bladder? We renamed this segment, What's Your Bladder? What's a bladder with you? What's a bladder you i did um with uh with erica sigurdson i did uh this past week one of not the worst but one of the worst gigs i have done i mean in years like and i knew it was going to be bad going into it now we're pre-recording some of these episodes because i'm going to be out of town in April. So this past week was St. Patrick's Day.

Yeah, we were recording this on the 19th of March. Yes. And this was a gig. It was going to be at a casino out in Surrey. For those of you who don't know, Surrey's an outlying suburban slash rural area. Have you read Patton Oswalt's book? No. He's got this story in there about having to spend 11 days in Surrey, British Columbia.

Wow. He had to have been filming or something. No, he won the San Francisco comedy competition. I haven't gotten that far in the book yet um but i just read the um the intro to that chapter and he had to come up and uh uh he had this awful time in surrey for yeah because he had part of winning this competition was he got booked at a bunch of clubs and oh there used to be a club out in surrey yeah what was the name of it he because he doesn't say the name of the club because it was so because he doesn't want to get murdered.

I don't remember. But he says the name of the club was even worse than the name that he gave it. I can't remember. None of us have any details at the moment. So it was out there. Yeah, I imagine Patton Oswalt probably paints an okay picture of what it's like out there in general. Anyways, not to offend anybody who listens from Surrey. Just there are certain pockets of it that...

Your girl gets stolen. Your what gets stolen? Your car. Oh, okay. It was the car theft capital of Canada for a while. So we were out at this gig. It was at a casino slash horse track.

And this was a kind of a thank you dinner for the you know, the kind of best customers or, you know, high rollers or whatever you want to call them. Degenerates.

Most degenerate. And so there was a dinner there. And they were, have you ever been in, like, the upper viewing box at a horse track? Like, it's kind of a, it's like levels. Okay. It's like a luxury box at a sports arena, but for horses? Yeah, I mean, but there's, like tables uh all the way up and it's an elevated kind of that's supposed to be the richest is the higher up is yeah that's where

the kind of the rich people sit when they watch horse racing anyways so that's where it was that's where it was taking place and uh right before the show was about to start i was out there with past guest erica sigurdsson and just before the show, I said you can go first because I was warned beforehand that after the break most of the crowd was going to leave because they just wanted to gamble.

So and there was no good position to pick on this show. Erica went up and people were still eating and at one point she just sounded like the loudest person in the room like there was nobody was listening except for a few people up front and uh she did her whole set and didn't lose her mind which is very commendable because a lot of other time did she do like did you guys you know we were supposed to do half an

hour each which i don't think actually played out because nobody wanted it. It was weird. It was nobody wanted it. Nobody was offended that it was there, but people were just acting as if it wasn't. Like no one was making eye contact. Yeah, and it was like if you're in a bar and somebody at the far end is playing like a guitar or something.

And it's, you can ignore it. So that's what they were doing. They were like, we can't ignore this, therefore we will. And then they announced a break. The guy announced me that all he said was, please welcome Erica Sigurdsson. And then walked away from the microphone. Erica was on the other side of the room. And that was the same for me.

He didn't even tell me he was going to announce me. He said, Graham Clark. And I was sitting at the bar, which was as far away as possible from the stage. And when I got up there, the sun was going down. This was like an early show. And Erica took a picture of me on stage.

We realized that that was the only real light in the room. So when she took a picture on stage of me, you couldn't see me. I was just dark where I was. So you couldn't see me on stage. More than half of the room left. Only about 10 tables stayed. And of those 10 tables, only one elderly couple were facing towards the stage and listening at all. And after every joke, the old lady said, I think you're doing great.

But just because people weren't listening didn't stop every single person in the room when I was walking back to the bar from leaning over and going, tough crowd. And I was like, yeah, you are the assholes that made it tough. It wasn't like there was a section. It was all of you people made it really tough. But it's just a tough crowd. And then the whole staff came over. Wow, that was tough.

And I was like, yeah. You even said before the show started that it was going to be tough. And that all these people want... And I even said that at the beginning of my set. I said, do not stay here if you want to gamble.

If you're here to gamble, my feelings will not be hurt. And a table, like, literally just all stood up and walked out. They were like, oh, good. He doesn't care. That's good. Let's go gamble. So, yeah, just, it was, I knew it was going to be rough.

I didn't know it was going to be that horrible. So, there you go. So, that's what I did this week. Yeah, that's a fun selection. Was that on St. Patrick's Day? Yes. It was on St. Patrick's Day. Oh, and also 90% of the crowd, I would say, would be 70 and over.

Oh, okay. So they knew St. Patrick. They were there to celebrate his memory. Yeah. I saw that on Erica's status. She put, this is, I just did the worst show next time. Did you see the photo? I tried, yes.

And I was laughing. You couldn't tell. But I'm like, who did she go with? I wanted to know who she went with. All you can see is there's this row of tables and then darkness. And you can see the streetlights outside. But you can't see me at all. It's weird that it was a casino that had windows.

Well, it's where they watch the horse track. Oh, right, right. And when I met up with Erica, she's like, oh, nobody could see you. As soon as the sun went down, it was like nobody even knew where to look. So it was just this voice. It's like, is someone playing a record?

Is someone playing a spoken word album? Yeah, exactly. Is this a book on tape? And then... Would you go to a club that just played books on tape? Yes. I would totally do that. Especially if they had board games,

too. Like, if they had a book on tape playing, and then you could just sit there and play... Not one that needs a lot of talking but scrabble right have you been to the what's the name of the club downtown is it gilton company that yes that has board games and has like six foot tall jenga oh no really they have the big jenga they have the big jenga i've seen it it looks so fun it's about four feet tall but once once you start jangling it gets have you played Have you played, too? Yeah. Is it fun? Super fun. Yeah, it's super fun.

And your cousin had it at their wedding? Yeah, for the kids. Oh, I would have been playing. What? Kids? Yeah, yeah. Well, some people have kids. We might have a bouncy castle at our wedding. For the kids? Or also for adults to play? Are you being serious?

Yeah. That'd be the best thing. My brother owns a bouncy castle company. You guys are lying with everything you've said today. No, no, but he does own a bouncy castle. No. Yes, he does. I don't believe you now. Because apparently there were $200 to rent and $300 to buy.

So he was like, oh. I believe that. That much I believe. So you bought $30,000 worth of... Yeah. He doesn't own a company that makes them. He owns a company that distributes them. He's a middleman.

Yeah. Yeah, so that was the big thing of my week. Also, though, today, as I noted on Twitter, in my entire life, I've never seen the movie Mystic Pizza. But for some reason in the past two weeks, I've seen it twice. Yes. I've never seen it either. Is that Julia Roberts? It was one of her first movies.

Yeah, and if not his very first, a young Matt Damon. Matt Damon. Yeah, has a cameo in it. It's not a cameo if you're not yet famous. Really? That's what I called all my extra work. But yeah, I watched that. Someone blow drying their hair?

Some people are sawing logs across the street Does that mean sleeping? You mean like in the way of Oh man, he's really sawing some logs Are we about ready to wrap up this segment yet? And then maybe it'll end during the break Oh, yeah, sure Well, what else did you have to say? Oh, I watched a bit of the movie Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Okay. Oh, there we go. Yeah, someone's sawing logs across the street, apparently. Oh, they're back. And there's a point where, spoiler, some ghost, other ghost, makes Casper into a living boy for a night. But he's 12? She's like, you're only 12 years old.

And I'm like, so this is a movie about a 12-year-old that died and has to spend his whole time in an empty mansion. It's horrifying, right? Yeah. It's, I don't know. Is that the one with, what's her name? Christina Ricci? Christina Ricci, yeah.

With guest appearances by The Crypt Keeper and Mel Gibson are in one scene. Oh, really? Yeah. There's a scene where Bill Pullman is looking at a mirror and he sees himself as... Bill Paxton. That'd be great if Bill Pullman looked at a mirror and Bill Paxton was looking back at him. But his face keeps changing. I can't remember

what the first one was but then it's Mel Gibson and then it's the Crypt Keeper. That's how quick his Mel Gibson's is. It's like... Yeah.

But that was in a time when Mel Gibson was a heartthrob. Yeah. And also in demand. Yeah. And not ridiculously wearing a hilarious mustache.

Beaver puppet, honestly. I want to see that movie so bad. Or gopher. I don't know. All right, well, let's take a break. Let's go outside and help these guys chop some logs. Yeah, and let's come back with some Overherds. All right.

Overherd. Overherds, perennial segment. Jane, I know you're familiar with it. It's where you overhear things. And share them with the group. And then we kibitz. And a kibitz. Yeah, we kibitz and a kibitz.

That's the right thing. And it seems like they're done sawing logs across the street. They woke up. They now have some kind of digger, a bobcat device. It's not a big property. No. What are they doing over there, you think? Taking out a stump?

I don't know. I live across the street from a Russian Orthodox church, and it's a tiny... The building itself is a house, but it's a tiny house. Made of borscht. And when they have the actual church on Sunday mornings, people just wander around the grounds. Like, most of the people don't even go into the building, I don't think. I think that's because in Russia, church goes to you. No. So bad.

It was horrible. Yeah, well, that's what I'm here for. Okay, gosh. Jane, would you like to lead the charge in the overheard? I would. No. I have due. Due.

Okay, why don't you bookend it? Okay. Excitement, she wrote. Yes. First one was, was it Laugh Lines? Mm-hmm. In the bathroom. Laugh Lines Comedy Club, New Westminster, British Columbia.

Thank you, Dave. L-A-F-F. L-I-N-E-S. Yes. It's spelled funny. It is. L-A-F-F. L-I-N-E-S. Yes. It's spelled funny. It is. Yeah, it has a funny spelling. And I was... Comedy Club is spelled with a K. Backwards. Backwards K.

That's my favorite. In the washroom, going to the bathroom, and then I heard ladies talking, and one lady said, your hair looks amazing. What did you do? And she's like, I didn't wash it. And she's like, what do you mean? I haven't washed it in weeks.

I use dry shampoo. Like, it's like a powder. And so then I walked out. And I'm like, I need to hurry up and check out this hair. And I came out. And her hair looked like she should have washed it. And I was like, oh, god. It looks horrible.

Because, like, you can use baby powder or anything. Guys wouldn't know this. If you're in a rush and you're like, my hair is greasy, put some baby powder. But the dry shampoo is pretty expensive. It's more expensive than normal shampoo. It's something that takes not that long to wash your hair. I read online that Catherine Zeta-Jones washes her hair every once in a while with beer and honey. That's why it's so glossy.

I wouldn't be surprised. Yeah, right? But I wouldn't say she washes it with beer and honey. No, no, that's what she said. She, like, and it has to sit in there for, like, a day or something. Yeah, but that is not washing. That is, like, just, you know, saturating it. And also attracting the neighborhood bees.

Yeah, sure. I wash my face with barbecue sauce. Your hair would reek, like, when you spill beer on yourself. Yeah, she says it smells gross. Oh, no, she might have to throw away her clothes. But maybe Michael Douglas lost his sense of smell when he had that stroke. No, wait, that's his dad. Oh, no.

Oh, I feel terrible now. I feel like a terrible human being. Yeah, no, like, when you started the sentence, I knew it was bad, because Michael Douglas, doesn't he have cancer at the moment? He beat it. He beat it, guys. He beat it. Okay, well.

And I invite you guys to beat it, all right? Okay, well, we're the bad guys. See, I turned the table. You just insulted two generations of Douglas. Oh, I wonder if, who's's gonna bring up the rear who's the next douglas in the dynasty oh i'm guessing kenny kenny douglas oh of the band nuts and bolts yeah sure nuts and bolton the g stands for kenny guggless uh, my turn for overheards.

Do it, Dave, do it. The other day, Abby and I ordered Chinese food, and we enjoy a 10% discount because we go and pick it up ourselves. Oh, I like that. Because of your Chinese heritage. Because they won't allow you to pick it up if you're not Chinese. because they won't allow you to pick it up if you're not Chinese. And there was a, it was right next to a Chinese pharmacy that had, like, weird products.

I'm going to say they're weird products. Sure, sure. And then there was, in the window, there was an ad for seals. Oh. Like the animals? The animal seals. Wow. Really? And? The animal seals. Wow. Really? And here's the sign.

Here's what it said, the English part of the sign. Most of it is in Chinese. I'm not much of a reader. It said, to your health, best beneficial meat. You have never tasted it. Yeah. All facts. And then at the bottom,

why don't you try it? Yeah. And just pictures of two seals there. Now, probably the first half of that marketing, pretty persuasive. Picture of a seal, probably a bad idea to top the ad off with. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, I have never tried it. Probably is nutritious, you know?

Inuit people lived off of it for, you know, centuries. And, yeah, so I will buy all that. Oh, seals, they're cute. I don't want to eat them. Yeah. Also, I don't know why they bothered putting any of it in English. Well, I mean, it's... Oh, yeah, why haven't I tried it?

I feel like if I was somebody who was eating meat and had the man versus food kind of adventurous streak, I would eat it. Yeah, but you're getting it from a pharmacy where they probably don't speak English. This isn't a public market. It's a pharmacy. For some reason, I pictured it more in a public market. But I guess you said pharmacy. Yeah. reason I pictured it more in a public market, but I guess you said pharmacy.

Yeah. Like, anything in a Chinese pharmacy that sells seal meat is going to be weird, and you're probably going to have a misunderstanding. I'm not...

Do you know what would have been horrible is if they had a picture of Seal the singer, because when they Google image search, they just didn't pay attention, and there's a picture of him just kind of relaxing on a couch. With Heidi Klum. At a premiere. Was it dried seal meat? Maybe in the Chinese part it says what...

But could you see the meat, or it was just a sign? No, it was just a picture of two seals. Doing it. It looked like a parent and a child. Two seals that have just moved into a nice new place. Yeah. Two seals, they're engaged. Yeah, it's their engagement.

They're just starting their life together. Oh, man. Yeah. Wow. That, man. Yeah. Wow. That was great. My overheard comes courtesy of public transit. We can really just be sponsored by public transit. Yeah, I agree.

I feel like I shouldn't have to pay for my transit pass. Yeah, because we've given them such great advertising with these great overhurts. And you guys would have great medical and dental. Yeah, exactly. Medical, dental. Yeah, good call. I need some medical dental. Specifically.

Teeth surgery is what I need. Yeah, your teeth are coming through your face at this point. You're like that boy with the heart outside of his chest. Yeah, I've got teeth on the outside of my face. Oh, that would make it so hard to eat. Yeah, no, I have to inject sandwiches. So messy.

I have to liquefy sandwiches and inject them. Do you have to floss outside your face? Although flossing, I think, would be easier. Yeah, and you don't get corn stuck in the, you know, it's great. Yeah, but what would shaving be like? Oh, I had to shave the inside of my mouth. Your inside's hairy? Yeah.

Everything's flipped. It's a trade-off. I can't believe you didn't notice. I just did this. Checking the inside. That would be gross. I hope there's no hair on the inside. But I was on the train, and there was this couple that were like, you know how like sometimes you just see somebody and their face looks like they're really dumb?

Like they just have like a really dumb face? Yes. And like I didn't, that wasn't the first thing I thought. But then when they were talking really loud, like really loud about dumb stuff, You know, the one girl was saying like, I think she's not friends with me anymore because she's jealous of my house. But that wasn't the overt. The guy was reading the horoscopes from the newspaper to her. And he said, today you should keep yourself occupied and it's best not to be aloof

and he said do you know what aloof means and she went no and then he said it means crazy don't be crazy today don't act so crazy keep Keep yourself occupied so you won't go crazy. Oh, that's amazing. Dumbest couple of the year. And did they have dumb faces? Yeah, yeah, both of them. Oh, and she also had a dumb haircut. Dry shampoo?

Oh, and Jane has a second. Oh, yeah, bookender. When I was just at breakfast this morning there was a guys they met up and they were sitting right beside us one guy's like would you do less and he's like nothing oh yeah well a chick came over didn't name the person i opened the door and i don't like her she's stupid i don't like talking to her but she was wearing one of those uh burles things, is what he said. Like a bustier, like a sexy thing. But he said burlesque

things. So I was just like... A t-shirt from the movie Burlesque. She was wearing a promotional Christina Aguilera chair hat. With the wig. And... She had a beer koozie from the movie Burlesque, so I let her in. No, so he's like, I was going to let her in.

And then she said, I shaved. And so I was like, cool, come in. And I'm like, it made me so happy. I was like, oh. I'm like, ew, gross. Yeah, the inside of my mouth. You just suck on an electric razor Were these guys really young?

No It's the worst part They were in their 30s for sure Wow Was the girl really young? Probably, yes But she knows she's just going there As an escort, pretty much

But did she Let me in, I shaved We had a deal. I like that it's a man's voice. It's the dumb girl from the earlier story. I'm not acting crazy anymore. Jealous of my house. The...

In movies, there used to be, like, a woman would show up at a guy's house wearing just high heels and... Oh, like trench coat. Trench coat. Yeah. And what's underneath. Oh, yeah. But did she like travel there in a bustier, do you think? No, I think it was like...

She caught a ride with male strippers. A bustier is like the full piece, like the black. Gorgeous. I think she'd wear that with jeans like the full piece, like the black, gorgeous. I think she'd wear that with jeans. This was in my head. Oh, okay. And Converse or something, because she was young. I'd be like, he's going to think this is sexy.

I got it from- And if he doesn't, I'll tell him I shaved. That was the worst. She's a cool chick. I've only seen this in catalogs from the waist up, so I don't know what you wear on the bottom. Jeans and Converse, I assume. Yeah. Oh, wow. It's dynamite.

Maybe the girl was Avril Lavigne. Did you think about that? Oh, yeah. She would wear that. She would, totally. With a tie. Yeah. Yeah, she's such a tomboy.

She's so funky. Have you seen, I saw her new music video. Yeah. Has she returned to her punk rock roots? Nope. She wears lingerie in it. Ooh. her a new music video yeah and um has she returned to her punk rock roots nope she is she wears lingerie in it oh and uh uh she um there's so many sony product shots and my favorite part is at the end there's someone in the uh in the crowd with a sony like flip phone or or camera phone that is

uh taking video of her on stage right and it it looks like every awful video anyone has ever taken with their camera phone. Like, they didn't even make it look better. Sony, just like the rest. Yeah. You've tried the rest. Now try some more of the rest. Annoying the concert goers behind you since 2001. We also have overheards sent in to us by listeners.

Bumpers. If you want to be one such person, you can send them to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com Alright, let me just Alright. The first one comes from Aaron R. And Aaron R.

writes, I'm not sure what the pizza situation is like in Vancouver. It's good. We've got a good pizza situation. It's plentiful. It's mystic. But for this overheard, it is necessary to know that Sicilian pizza is a thick pizza served as square slices.

Did you guys know that? I didn't know that. I disagree. Have you been to Sicily? You're making a liar face It was lying You should be a lawyer I was in a pizzeria down the block

What's the movie or the TV show With Tim Roth And he plays a guy who can tell if you're lying A lie to me Truth me Truth face Fever McGee the guy who can tell if you're lying. A lie to me. Oh, yeah. Truth me. Truth face. Fibber McGee.

Molly, get in here. That's an old-timey radio joke. I was in a pizzeria down the block from where I live in the Bronx, and I heard two teenage girls chatting. One girl said to the other, Yo, remember that slice I had? Sicilian pizza? Other girl. Oh, no, sorry. The first girl said to the other yo remember that slice i had sicilian pizza uh other girl oh no sorry the first girl said cillian pizza and the other girl says sicilian first girl yeah mad bread for no reason um isn't so cilia pizza is what she cillian, cilia. Is your cilia like part of your eye or something?

Oh yeah, I think that's hair, hair follicles are cilia, isn't it? It is. Maybe, yeah, I don't know. And those things that they put in the pocket of a jacket is silica. Yeah, and celiac. I was going to say something else. Um, this next one comes from Bowen D, who we've had overheards from before, talking to my housemate, he's from Australia, about the movie Aladdin. My flatmate.

Housemate, hey, what's the name of the second movie, the one where Jaffa comes back? Me, The Return of Jafar. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. P.S., he also accidentally referred to the movie Back to the Future 2 as Time Lapse 2. What was the sequel to Back to the Future? Time Lapse 2. Time Lapse 2. Here we go again. Did he say Jaffa or is it just that that's how Australians say Jaffa? Yeah, Jaffa. I know, but you're reading it as Jaffa

but in Australia it would be... Oh, should I have done the accent? Jaffa. I know, but you're reading it as Jaffa, but in Australia it would be... Oh, should I have done the accent? Jaffa! Oh, man. Is that the one where a dingo eats the bird? A dingo eats the baby? Oh, yeah. Now, this one, because this

has already been a really Wiener-centric episode, this will fit right in. This is from Uh, baby, I go now this one, uh, because this has already been a really wiener centric episode. This will fit right in. Um, this is from Philip S. Uh, this is an overseen. A friend of mine passed on to me in response to a Facebook post on how it on holiday plans. Someone wrote, uh, you know, somebody's like, oh, I'm going on vacation here. And the comment was, can I come in your suitcase? But come was spelled C-U-M.

You know your parents listen to this. Yeah, but we already talked about wieners and stuff. Yeah, but they're going to have to look that up too now. Oh, my parents are hip. They know. They know about suitcases. Suitcase ejaculation. They know all about it.

In addition to the filthy people who email us. Wait, wait, wait, wait wait wait wait before we move on i want to tell you about because it's not an overheard technically but it was sent in like an overheard about the two twins oh yeah this person sent the photo in about uh this is from uh daniel l um there are these twins in my town they are in their late 50s or early 60s i would say that they still dress identically to each other. If you see the photo, they are wearing the exact same outfit. They are both male, wear glasses, are a bit overweight, and have long hair, which they pull back from their balding heads into ponytails. From their cold, dead hands.

The thing is, I only see them together and never apart they are always dressed the same they're not they're not conjoined and so i was wondering how you think they go about planning that every day that they're together and they dress the same uh do you think they converse about it in the morning before getting dressed or does one decide and then the other follows i'm assuming that they live together but it would be even stranger if they phoned each other i don't think either one is married maybe because they have one another question mark do they shop together for the same stuff or does one pick up two of the same items or maybe does their mom shop for them today they are wearing gray socks in birkenstocks nylon cargo pants green polo shirts

with a fleece vest over top everything they are wearing was identical uh anyways this may not be that funny it is um but i really thought about the logistics of this and think it's so bizarre that two grown men have constructed so much of their identity around this. So, a detailed... I don't have the picture on the... but I will show it to you. And it will be on the blog post, I assume, at StopPodcastingYourself.com. And what do you

think? Do you think that there's an early morning coordination? Or what do you think is going on? What about a weekly one on Sunday? They go Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Oh, they lay it out. Sure. Do you think is going on? What about a weekly one on Sunday? They go like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Like they lay out. Oh, they lay it out. Sure.

Do you think that their underwear matches? Yes. They have the days and then Sunday's God day. Yeah. They probably do laundry together. Yeah. Sure. Do you think they ever switch underwear just as a prank?

Wait, no. Would you do laundry together or would you specifically not do it together so you don't end up with the other person's clothes? You'd have to label everything. Yeah. But it doesn't matter though if you bought them at the same time. I guess if you're sacrificing that much of your dignity. I think now I've added that they have OCD, so they don't want to wash their clothes together. Here's my theory on it.

Because this person says that they've seen them a couple of times and they dress similar. But he doesn't see them every day. that they've seen them a couple of times and they dress similar, but he doesn't see them every day, how do we know that they're not pulling off some con job where there's one and then the other appears in this other place? Yeah, they're both married to the same wealthy dowager.

Yeah, exactly. And she loves a lot of sex. Yeah. A lot of cumming in her suitcase, if you will. Stop it. I don't know. I'm sorry to everyone. Yeah, she's got a Mario Batali fetish.

Except not the cooking part, just the look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just eats up Chef Boyardee and brings it in. He's like, ooh. Anyways, that was just the greatest email, so I thought I would share. And I'm glad I did. Share and share alike. In addition to people who email us at stoppodcastingyourself.com

Wait, no. stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com That's correct. We have people who call us with their overheards using the phone number 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hello, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Leanne from Delaware. I was recently on a flight from Philadelphia to New Orleans, and there was an adorable six-year-old girl sitting in the row next to me with her father.

The girl looked like her dad was white, and it looked like her mom was probably black. And the little girl was turned around in her seat for a lot of the flight, talking to two seemingly vapid 20-year-old girls behind her. And at one point I just overhear the little girl stand up in her seat and turn around to the teenagers behind her and say, I used to be black a long time ago. At which point no one says anything until her dad kind of cocks his head behind him to the girls and says, I bet you don't know what to say to that.

Do you? Racist. Yeah. Because, yeah, I guess some people can be born with a darker skin tone, and then as they get older, it lightens. I guess. Michael Jackson? Yeah. She has, what was the name of that disease? Vitiligo.

Oh, nice. Good pull. Yeah. Viggo Mortensen. Viggo, the master of Viggo. Trying to battle my boys? No, that's not legal. Oh, we, oh, we're in control.

You know it. Yes. Yeah. Jane does know it. So that was the first overheard. You know it. Jane does know it. So that was the first overheard. It was great. And this next one, if you don't know

who wrote the song or performed the song at 8-6-7-5-3-0-9, it was Tommy Two-Tone. That's something you need to know going into this. Tommy Two-Tone. Damn you, Tommy Two-Tone. Hi's something you need to know going into this. Tommy Two-Tone. Damn you, Tommy Two-Tone. Hi, Dave and Graham and friend.

This is Elizabeth in Montana and I'm calling with an overheard. I was at the gym today taking a cycling class and the song Jenny was on, 8-6-7-5-3-0-9. You know the song.

And a lady in class asked the instructor, who's the artist on this song? And the instructor kind of stared at her iPod for a second and made a face and then she was like, Tommy Patone? Joey Patone.

Joey Patone's brother Tommy Fatone He changed his name To separate himself Yeah He added a T That seems like an odd Like gym class

Song? I don't know It's a spin class though Yeah She's talking No that's like a Yeah It's a And they might have like An 80s a spin class though no that's like a yeah and they might have

like an 80s themed spin class you dress up yeah you dress up you put on makeup so it runs all over your face a lot of hairspray Frankie say relax I remember

when I was younger and I used to run like I was in a track and field club. And during the winter, we would train indoors. And on the upper level was a track. And down below was aerobics or whatever. And every night, four times a night, good vibrations by... The Beach Boys? Nope.

Oh, Marky Marky. Yeah. That was like the signature i wonder if this class this class probably had that if they had uh tommy tuto oh yeah probably busted out a mark walbert i've never been to like a an indoor track that has like the huge 400 meter track yeah yeah it's uh it's weird i mean it's good if you live in a place where it's really cold, but it's not because also this complex had a pool, so everything is kind of damp. Everything in the whole

complex is kind of like you're at the edge of the pool. Mold smell. But yeah, and good vibrations, always. I've seen a lot of movies that have that, and it's always like a... But it's cold places. It's cold places, yeah. Oh, I thought you were saying

you saw a lot of movies with the song Good Vibration. Yeah, sure. I can't even think of one, but there probably is one. Yeah, I can't think of one either. Let's see. What were the lyrics? Come on, come on.

Feel it, feel it. Feel the vibration. There's probably some movie where a training sequence montage is set to that. Yeah. Have you seen Honey? Yes. How many times? What? some movie where a training sequence montage was set to that. Yeah. Have you seen Honey? Yes. How many times? What? Have you ever washed your hair with Honey? Yeah. And beer.

Honey Daniels? Is that her character name? I think so. Honey Daniels, is it? Yeah. Alright. I'm gonna believe you. I'm not. Honey Farnsworth. And either Lil Bow Wow or Lil Romeo's in it. Oh. It's Bow Wow. You seem pretty convinced.

Rihanna is in a third sequel to bring it on? They're not making a new one. No, no, no. It's made. It's already made. It was a direct-to- So good, it went right to DVD. Direct-to-DVD.

It was Hayden Panettiere. Rihanna's in that? Yeah. Is that the one where Hayden Panettiere crumps? Yes. Yes. She crumps and at the end of the movie the prize that they're all battling for is to be in the worst

Rihanna video that's ever been made. Like Rihanna standing in front of a green screen and then cheerleaders added later. I think there's a honeycomb theme. It's really, you've got to see it. Well, I can't wait. I'm a big Rihanna fan, as we learned earlier in the episode.

Yeah, that's true. I'm the only living girl in the world. And finally, one more over-erd. Hi, Dave and Graham and great guests. This is Pat Siebert from Lansing, Michigan, calling with an overheard. I was at Panera Bread today, and I heard two employees talking. Employee number one came out of a back room and said, dude, I just saw the hottest girl, and the first thing I noticed about her, she was not handicapped.

Thanks. Bye. Oh, that's the worst. Handicapped. Thanks. Bye. Oh, that's the worst. Oh, man. That's what I'm looking for in a girl. I just snorted.

Oh, man. That is terrible. Those two dudes are the worst. Oh, man. Well, maybe they live in a place where you... Maybe they're handicapped, though. Maybe they live in a place where you... Maybe they're handicapped, though. Yeah. Maybe they work at a special Panera Bread. I don't mean special like the Olympics.

Or do I? Yeah, maybe you do. They don't call them the Special Olympics anymore, do they? Yeah, they do. Really? That's PC. Oh. Okay.

I don't know. It's different from the Paralympics. Oh, that's PC. Oh. Okay. I don't know. It's different from the Paralympics. Oh, that's right. Yeah, because special... No, Paralympics are if you are paralyzed. Well, yeah. No! You could be blind. No, that's

I think the Special Olympics. I don't think we should be talking about this. I do not think we should be talking about this. No, no, no. The Paralympics are for people who are, like, amputees. Not just that. No, those are the Ampulimpics. That's not a thing. It's people that are blind as well.

I think the blind people are in the Special Olympics. No, they're not. You're being an idiot. They ski behind someone and they give them, like, yellow stuff out at them. Isn't that the Special Olympics? Paralympics. Okay, it's the Paralympics. I'm going to idiot. They ski behind someone and they give them yellow stuff out at them. Isn't that the Special Olympics? Paralympics. Okay, it's the Paralympics. I'm going to look this up.

There is some... In the Paralympics, yeah, I think there are blind events because I remember I saw this commemorative stamp for this sport called goalball. Go on. And it is a sport for blind people. And it is played Like in a gym I don't think that's fair That they exclude people who can see

Just cause I was born with sight And I think you play it You don't stand up You're on the ground Crawling around And there's a ball that has a sound. Well, that's how they play hockey, is the puck has a beep in it, and that's how they're able to follow the puck. And that I learned from past guest Toby Hargraves.

That part, I know, but I don't understand what this game is. Goalball? Yeah. They're just on the ground crawling. Well, because if you're running around a gym, you'll just run into each other. Yeah, you'll just smack into each other. That makes a lot of sense. I would rather play, what is it called? Globall? Well, because if you're running around a gym, you'll just run into each other. Yeah, you'll just smack into each other. That makes a lot of sense. I would rather play, what is it called?

Glow ball? No, that's bowling. Glow ball. I'd rather play that than the hockey. That would be hard. Yeah. How do blind people who are skating, if we have any blind listeners who have played the blind version of hockey, which is...

Blind man's bluff. That's horrible. How so of hockey, which is... Blind Man's Bluff. That's horrible. How so? Well, what is that? What's Blind Man's Bluff? Isn't that some kind of tag game? But it's not... With a blindfold.

Yeah, but it's not for blind people. I know, but they would be really good at it, you'd think. They'd probably be the best at Blind Man's Bluff. Or pin the tail on the donkey. Oh, we're getting the head shake from James. No. Listen, I'm all the head shake from Jane. Listen, I'm all in favor of our listeners.

Everyone go out today, put on a blindfold, live a day as a blind person, walk a mile in their shoes. Yeah, agreed. You know that Ray Charles in his mansion never turned the lights on. He would walk around because why would you? But even when guests were over, he'd have to remember.

Like, he'd walk in a room, and then the guests would follow behind him. And then they'd crash into stuff, and he'd be like, oh, that's right. And did you know that Jamie Foxx, who played Ray Charles, sucks? I did know that. It's in his bio. I didn't like that movie one bit. He won the, did he win the Oscar? Yeah, I think so.

For best impression. Yeah. I didn't like that movie one bit. Did he win the Oscar? Yeah, I think so. For best impression. For best Kanye West video. I didn't like him after he did that roast and that guy went up. And he was just a dick. For people who haven't seen it, there was a roast of... Emmett Smith? Yeah, it was a sports figure. And I remember there was a comedian of emma smith yeah it was a sports figure that's

and i remember there there was a comedian that was nobody knew who he was and he wasn't really bombing and he just went over it would be like a child doing it uh the guy was up and he just started he started heckling this guy and then everyone was laughing at him yeah didn't jamie fox take the microphone and started no he had his own microphone so it'd be like you doing it then maybe like start hackling you. Right, yeah, and he started saying, like, this is the voice of God or something. And you should get off.

Yeah, you suck. Admittedly, it's pretty funny. But it's mean. It's really mean. It did kind of confirm, I think, what a lot of people imagine Jamie Foxx to be like. You know what I mean? Like, mean.

Mean, but pretty funny. Like mean if you're not on the receiving end of it. Although we did enjoy when we watched that Jamie Foxx stand-up special where he started off by unbuttoning his shirt and showing everyone his abs. And then he kept the shirt open for the rest of the special. What are you guys even talking about? That's for real. He did stand-up?

Yeah. That's how he started. Before he was on In Living Color. Oh, I thought he was just in Living Color. And the reason he changed his name to Jamie Foxx is because so many people would sign up on the list of comedians. And women were more likely to get on stage. And so he made up the name Jamie Foxx because it could be either a man or a woman and you would just sign the list and then they'd call you up

without seeing you. That's also how Vivica Foxx got her name. Similar story. I sure know a lot about Jamie Foxx. You really do. I'm impressed. Jane, I think we're going to wrap this up. Yeah.

If people want to find you, do you have anything that you want to plug? I have, uh, Considering that this is going to come out. April 4th. Oh, show on Wednesday at Corduroy. Every Wednesday. Every Wednesday in kits at Corduroy. Corduroy, which is on, uh, what's Cornwall Street.

Cornwall. Uh, a really fun show. Yeah. Really nice venue too. I like the like the venue. It's very kind of narrow, but it's focused. And there's a drum kit on stage, and sometimes comedians jam. Yeah.

Just you, Dave. And if people want to find you online. TheJaneStanton.com. The Jane Stanton. Well, because there's a Jane Stanton. Go on that website. What does she do? She's an actress from 1970s.

She still holds on to the website. Oh, really? It's an actress from 1970s. She still holds on to the website. Oh, really? It's pink and it's got roses. Do you think she's going to make a comeback? She's making a comeback in my heart.

Do you think, what was the service we called to get Lou Ferrigno to call us? Oh, Hollywood Calling. Hollywood Calling. I think Jane Stanton would be on there.

Yeah. Oh! Was she in anything? Do you know? She has a resume up there. Okay. Everybody go to, first go to thejanestanton.com.

Yes. And then go to janestanton.com. And then go to hollywoodiscalling.com. Oh, damn it. I forgot. The acting class. If you want to check out

the acting class. What's that? The acting class. Web series. The web series that you've been doing with Jason Bryden? Jason Bryden, yes. Jason Bryden.

Now, where can people find that? They can find that on YouTube. What do they type in? The acting class. The acting class on YouTube. We'll put a link to it on the blog. Nice. And check out the blog, stoppodcastyourself.com if you click on the, or no, sorry, maximumfun.org.

Yeah, but if you go to stoppodcastyourself.com. Italfun.org. Yeah, but if you go to... It'll lead you to... Yeah, stoppodcastingshelf.com. And then it'll have little episode descriptions. And click on the... What does it say? List of sponsors? Yeah.

We list the sponsors of the show. One will be the acting class. What else will be listed in the sponsors of today's show? Probably that picture of you on stage in the dark. Yeah, picture of the two twins, the matching Birkenstock twins. Pictures of the seal couple. Maybe something about a stag, tag it.

Yeah, probably that Avril Lavigne video. Yeah, it's going to be hot. It's going to be a hot blog. Somebody wrote to us this week and said that they actually, when they listen to the podcast, they listen on their laptop and they always have the blog up. So if there's a reference, they check to see if it's a great way.

It's a fun game. That's a drinking game. That's the point of the blog. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. And so have some fun and go to MaximumFun.org. And if you like the show, please tell your friends. And thanks, Jane, for being our guest.

Thanks for having me. And thank you all for listening and come on back next week for another entertaining episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.