Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 163 - Debra DiGiovanni
Episode Date: April 26, 2011Comedian Debra DiGiovanni returns to talk ghosts, street corn, hostels, and hitchhikers....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 163 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who looks like he's wearing an Inside Out shirt,
but I'm not sure. It might be right side out and fashion, you know, thing that I don't understand, Mr. Dave Shumka.
It's inside out, but I took the label off.
Yeah, it looks good. I could see buying that from American Apparel.
Yeah.
Just as is.
It's from the gang at The Gap.
Those ragtag kids at The Gap.
And that person giggling is our guest, returning guest.
Yeah.
Fantastically funny comedian, just back from a successful, highly successful run at the Halifax Comedy Festival in town this week, this blessed week at the Vancouver Comedy Mix, Miss Debra DiGiovanni.
Yay.
Hello, boys.
Well, thanks for coming back.
Thank you for having me back.
I'm on my own this time, though.
Remember?
Yeah.
Darcy Michael last time.
I had that albatross.
Oh, God.
You had that monkey on your back.
It feels good.
Love him.
That episode that you were on last with Darcy, with the four of us in the room, may have
been the loudest episode in the history of podcasting.
People loved it.
People loved it.
It ruined people's radios.
Because that's how people listen, right?
On those old-
Yeah, on the old radio.
That's what I assume.
Gather the family around.
Tune in to us on 107.4 on your FM dial.
Families would gather around the tube radio
and wait for the
Graham and David Venture Hour.
Do you want to get to know us? I would.
Get to know us.
So, Debra. Yes.
Halifax.
Yeah. Right? Yes.
So funny. It's a good festival, isn't it? Yeah. Right. Yes. So funny. It's a good,
it's a good festival,
isn't it?
Yeah.
That's a very fun festival.
Halifax is a great town,
as you all know,
or if you don't know,
well,
look into it.
Yeah.
Check it out.
Yeah.
But it's,
it's a,
that's a really good,
it's a very morbid town.
It's like,
it's very,
they're into,
this is where the Titanic people are buried.
Yeah.
They're down with their,
uh,
like disasters.
You know what I mean?
They're very much,
remember the disaster? We were there. You're like are buried. Yeah, they're down with their disasters. You know what I mean? They're very much, remember the disaster?
We were there.
You're like, okay.
Oh, yeah.
They had a big explosion a hundred years ago. They had an explosion, yeah.
But even with the 9-11, a lot of people went to Halifax, right?
That's right.
So they're very big on that.
Yeah, the disaster.
When it comes to disaster, go to Halifax.
That's our message, I think, of the podcast.
Somebody told us, the guy that was working the desk at one of the hotels I was staying at while I was there,
told us that there was a church that you walk by.
It's awesome.
Have you seen it?
The thing with the silhouette?
It's totally true.
It's apparently like there was a, was it a minister or just somebody standing in the church?
A bishop.
A bishop, yeah.
Was standing in the church when the explosion happened.
People don't know.
I barely know.
Okay, yeah.
There was an enormous out-of-control train full of ammunition.
No, it was a boat in the harbor that blew up.
Okay.
The train thing, you're thinking from the Canadian moments,
he was trying to stop a train of people from arriving in Halifax moments before the explosion happened.
Oh, okay.
Did it, did it, did it?
And he was saying, acknowledge.
I'm glad those heritage moments work.
At least you get half the information.
Yeah, yeah.
It was an explosion though, right?
Is that the message?
Yeah.
God bless.
But that's what it is.
And it took out like, if I'm, correct me if I'm wrong,
but it took out like half of Halifax.
Yeah.
Like it really.
And the legend is,
is that somebody was standing in the church,ifax. Yeah. Like, it really... Like, just... And the legend is is that somebody was standing
in the church,
the bishop.
Yes.
And because of the flash
from the explosion,
his silhouette is burned
into one of the windows
of the church.
And...
Is he doing anything embarrassing
at the time?
Picking his nose.
Eating a football hot dog.
Yeah.
That'd be awesome.
But the thing is this is
I mean this is
according to
you know
my Maritimer friends
because I've seen that
I've seen that church
it's right
you know
it's right where
the closing party was
it's right
yeah yeah
and apparently
they have changed
the glass
and the bishop
comes back
no
that's what
that's what they say
that they've
redone the eye now
Shipka's got this
meh
but you know you give it to them right you're like alright That's what they say that they've redone the I know. Shipka's got this. Meh.
But you know, you give it to them, right?
You're like, all right.
There's so much unemployment here.
You can have your bishop, all right?
Take it.
Have your ghost bishop.
Yeah, why are there more ghosts in like older cities?
Like, I guess it makes sense that there would be. But does it though?
Why though?
That's a good question.
Yeah, it's like, you know, if you wiped out the native population during these years,
you will have ghosts.
You have ghosts.
That's right.
One month after that date, you're good.
You're good to go.
You're totally fine.
Ghost free.
Ghost free.
Yeah, because a lot of the new condos aren't reported as haunted, right?
Yeah, exactly.
You hear very few of like,
like,
it'll be done in 2013,
no ghosts.
None at all.
We're good.
How do you feel about hauntings and stuff?
Is that something
that you believe?
You are?
No, I don't believe it.
I believe there's like,
I don't know what to believe.
Yeah, me too.
I was raised in a house
of ghosts?
By ghosts. My parents left. Yeah, me too. I was raised in a house... Of ghosts? By ghosts.
My parents left.
They're very afraid.
Oh, gosh.
I was raised in the ghost tradition.
Mm-hmm.
No, my mom and dad both...
My dad's from, like, Irish background,
and his parents
big like ghost.
Because this thing
is haunted.
Yeah,
this is bad.
This is a bad thing
and you know,
if a bird flies into a house
somebody's going to die
within 24 hours.
I believe that though.
But that's kind of a ghost.
Is it really?
Yeah.
Okay,
I accept that then.
It's like the bird
is carrying the
news of the spirit
or whatever.
I don't like that.
No,
I don't like that. Let's close the windows. I Oh, my gosh. I don't like that. No, I don't like that.
Let's close the windows. I agree with that.
I just don't like it.
Are the windows closed in this house?
Where are we right now?
What's that problem?
But yeah, I think there's ghosty...
I don't think that there's the ghosty thing,
you know, when somebody says,
like, I turned off the light
and then I came back and the light was on.
You just forgot that you turned off the light.
Yeah, that's exactly it.
You got an OCD thing going on, my friend.
And you stopped at like two or whatever it is.
Exactly.
But if something's really spooky, I'm totally scared.
Me too.
I think I'm, I'd say gullible, a little.
But I think I'm very easily swayed into believing that kind of thing.
I really am.
If someone's got like a really enticing story, I'm, yeah, I jump ship.
I went in, this was years ago,
and now the place doesn't exist anymore.
Actually, they tore it down and built condos on top of it.
But it was an abandoned mental hospital.
Oh, see, now that's the scariest thing in the world.
Right there, right?
A lot of sadness going on.
Right?
They were shooting.
It long since had been abandoned and was used very often to shoot movies.
Scary movies.
X-Files episodes.
Exactly.
Yes.
And a lot of the stuff that they had put up on the walls for the X-Files episodes was left there.
So it gave it extra spookiness that wouldn't naturally have been there.
Words like craft services.
Scully.
But we went in one of the rooms that had been abandoned.
It was clearly the electro chalk room
because it had special like outlets on the wall.
See, that's a very, very creepy, creepy room right there.
That is terrifying.
Even in like on like a Tuesday afternoon at 3 p.m. and you're with everybody, it's still scary.
And there's birthday cake.
Exactly.
And kittens.
I'm still terrified.
Okay.
In my head, the house that I grew up in, the basement that we played in as kids.
And then eventually my dad converted it into his office and there was blah, blah.
But there was a little tiny cellar door that I'm telling you.
I still to this day wouldn't go in that room.
It's just, it like, it's too scary.
I remember standing there as a kid and I was like, okay, who's going to go in?
We'll pay you $5 if you go in.
And we could not do it.
It was too frightening.
Did you have one of those in your houses or anybody?
We had a house on like the next block over from ours that the grass
had overgrown and it kind of had been functionally abandoned i think somebody kind of derelict still
lived there yeah but uh oh that was oh i dare you to go knock on the door oh yeah right it's funny
i think every neighborhood has that when you're growing up we had crazy martin our neighbor crazy
martin i'm not sure if that was his god, you know, birth given name,
like if his parents said,
I name him Crazy Martin.
Because he came out looking really crazy.
Those googly eyes,
you know what I mean?
But he lived behind us
and it was in one of those little,
what are they called?
It's the roundabout.
Like a cul-de-sac?
Cul-de-sac, thank you very much.
And so he was the top house at the cul-de-sac? Cul-de-sac, thank you very much. And so he was the top house
at the cul-de-sac.
So it was kind of like
you couldn't get past his house.
And this was a man who I'm,
you know,
probably the real story was
that he'd been in some wars
and had had, you know,
some trauma.
So he acted out quite a bit.
But like I remember,
oh my gosh,
we being on one of our neighbor's lawns,
she had one of those big old trees that they actually, listen me i'm like i'm from the olden days but they
they were those trees that they actually put a tire on and we used to swing on the tire that's
what we did when i was a kid everybody what do you do now now we play the video game of swinging
on a tire not as fun but we used to and he used to come out in his underwear with a shotgun
you kids can be like
martin and then we would run but it was the thing is it was terrifying but it was also exciting
you'd run and there was always one of us would be slow
it was so mean but you know i mean this it was never loaded or anything but it was just like
you don't know that exactly that's exactly hope. It's not loaded. We're saying
to our parents, is that really the issue
that there's no bullets? He's in his underwear
with a shotgun and we're nine.
Okay? I think there's
a whole lot of problems there. But it's,
it is, it's an exhilarating thing to have
a, like... Gun pulled on you?
Well, I mean, yeah,
that is the example.
That is the example.
If you're having a dull Thursday, trust me,
pull a rifle on your friends, instantly a fun time.
Let us know out there if you're afraid of ghosts and guns.
Ghosts and guns.
Or becoming one as a result of the... This is weird.
We started off on a weird foot.
No, this is great.
All right.
We started off talking about the Halifax Festival.
But see, I want to go back to the crazy guy i love it bring it because there was uh you know like it's how the legend grows about the person that's probably my favorite effect yeah oh right
exactly where they just add on it's like a gaming broken telephone totally but that's i'm sure that's
what it is when the person becomes the crazy person it's just like a woman who lost her husband
that had one cat and then she turns into a woman
who killed her husband, eats her cats
and will eat children too
that was always so scary
they eat kids, really? seriously?
we're all falling for Hansel and Gretel still?
I mean, come on
he eats kids
what?
there was one house on the street that somebody tried to convince me had a witch in it living there, naturally.
And they had one room that had like a red light in it or whatever.
So that just enhanced it, right?
Oh, come on.
I was like, why do you have a red light room?
You had a red light room.
She was really just a whore.
Yeah, it was Roxanne.
It's got a face.
Crazy Roxanne. She was so exposing it. really just a whore but then yeah it was rock sand crazy rock sand but then you know uh when i got older i remember relaying this story to my mom like remember there
was an old lady that lived there there was never an old lady that lived there it was always like
students yeah so like of course you know like students would have a red light
you know get to do drugs staring at each other or whatever exactly let's scare the kids
i'm terrified right there was i also had a kid don't please go i was just wondering graham you
your beard is out of control yeah you might be might be the Boo Radley in your neighborhood. Oh, my gosh.
That's probably true.
I hope you are.
Yeah.
That would be great.
I feel like...
Here's a weird thing that happened yesterday.
This was really great.
There is a guy that used to do comedy in Vancouver named...
His stage name was Professor Puff.
And he was like a real stoner-based comedian.
That was a stage name?
Yeah.
Because he wasn't really...
He wasn't actually a professor.
His real name was Edward Esquire.
He was a barrister.
He used to have a giant, like, bushy beard,
and I didn't.
And then in the train station yesterday,
I walked past him,
and he recognized my voice
because I was talking to somebody.
And he was like, are you Graham?
And I was like, are you Professor Puff?
Is he all cleaned up?
Yeah, he shaved his beard.
And I have this giant beard.
Do you think you've traded souls with him, maybe?
Does he have tenure now?
They really cracked down on him.
He's Dean Puff.
Exactly.
Oh, my God. He teaches Introduction to Pot 420. Thank you. Thank you. they really cracked down on that he teaches
introduction to pot
420
thank you
thank you
why is it
a 400 level course
if it's introduction
I just wanted to know
why was it 420
like what was that
what was the significance
of 420
there's a bunch
of different theories
isn't it the criminal code
no
oh I thought that was it
I thought that was
the definitive theory
no there's no
there's no definitive theory.
So the criminal code thing isn't it?
Oh, no, wait, you're right.
Thank you.
What were the other ones?
What were they just...
Were there other theories?
Oh, like it's the date, it's the time of day when...
Yeah, when everyone potheads just let out...
When potties do the pot.
But I thought that the time of day thing started because 420 was the
people caught
smoking pot law.
Or it was like
it was like
we got a 420.
Hitler's birthday?
It's Hitler's birthday.
There's that many
Big dope
fiends.
Loved it.
Peace, love, and happiness
when I think of Hitler.
I don't know about you guys.
He hopes you like jamming too.
Yeah.
Adolf Hitler and the whalers.
There's another theory that that's how many chemicals there are in HTC.
No, wait.
HTC is the phone manual.
Lots of chemicals.
HTML.
That's what you meant to say.
No, no.
Nice one.
Anyway.
Oh, man.
What is it?
THC.
THC.
Yeah.
Taking care of.
Nope. Nope. Sorry. Never yeah. Taking care of... Nope.
Nope, sorry.
Never mind.
There's no...
Nothing.
Taking care.
Hot care.
Taking hotcakes.
We got a pancake thief.
420.
That's how it works out.
420, 420.
Car 54, where are you? That TV Yeah. Car 54, where are you?
That TV show, Car 54, Where Are You?
It was a show.
Was it?
I've never, I've only heard the name.
And is it about just a car that just gets lost?
I know.
Is it before the days of GPS?
Yeah.
It was an old comedy cop show.
Yeah.
But then they made into a movie for no reason.
Okay, I had a lot of Carol Burnett sightings yesterday.
What?
Is that weird?
Just in the world in general.
When I flew in yesterday, the woman beside me was reading her biography.
The Carol Burnett biography.
I was like, sweet.
Tugging my ear with Carol.
Yeah, exactly.
I was like, hey, there's Carol.
And then flicked on, oh gosh, I want to say, not Piers, is it Piers Morgan that does the
one?
Yeah, yeah.
An episode of her with Piers Morgan.
Wow.
And then on Oprah, they were doing flashbacks and there was a Carol Burnett.
Like that was, that's kind of a lot of Carol Burnett sightings in one day.
Do you believe in that thing?
Like it's trying to tell you something?
You don't need to. What It's trying to tell you something?
What's it trying to tell you?
I don't know.
I almost started a conversation with someone.
I was sitting beside her on the plane, but then I thought, I'm not going to do that.
But I wanted to turn to her and say,
Carol Burnett's one of the reasons I became a comedian.
Is that right?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Did you ever... But I thought, that's opening the holes.
Let's not do that.
I don't really want to talk to you, so I'm going to stop.
Do you think anyone is ever like,
Dwight Schrute is the reason I became a paper salesman?
You know what?
A fictional character, Dr. Johnny Fever,
was one of the reasons I went to broadcast school.
Awesome.
Awesome.
Duke Kippy in Cincinnati was one of my favorite shows.
Because I thought the idea of somebody sleeping at their workplace was the best
there was a time when I thought
when he would wake up behind the couch
and be all groggy
I was like oh that's great
I loved that show and I loved
Johnny Fever was awesome
Venus Flytrap
it's your buddy that you get to hang out with
seriously?
waking up at your work implies that you get to hang out with all the time. Seriously? Right? But that implies, waking up at your work
implies that you were there
so late
that you didn't have
any place else to like,
it was too late to go home.
I know,
that's what I thought
was so cool.
Like,
he was just like,
he was just there all night.
Oh yeah,
working 18 hour days
is the coolest.
He was a child
at the time,
right?
You know better than I do.
Yeah,
I was younger
when I thought that,
when I thought sleeping on a floor sounded awesome too. Like better than I do. Yeah, I was younger when I thought that,
when I thought sleeping on a floor sounded awesome, too.
Like, oh, awesome.
Behind a sofa?
Excellent.
Not even on the sofa. When there's a sofa there.
You're so out of it that you sleep behind the sofa.
When you're a kid and you, like, go to your dad's office and you're like,
whoa, there's furniture?
It's the coolest.
It's like a house.
Like with water coolers
and stuff?
Yeah.
I remember once
for one summer
for a little part-time,
well, maybe it was
a spring break
because my father
was an accountant.
And so he,
we had a little accounting firm
in the town I grew up in.
And one spring break,
this is old, everybody.
He paid me
and my twin sister
to shred documents
by hand.
Oh, rip them up?
Oh, yeah.
We sat in a basement listening to Rick Springfield.
Shut it.
And I think we got like $7 a day or something.
Wow.
It was pretty good.
You didn't even have a cutting implement.
No, just tear.
Because it was like you didn't need to do it like neat or anything.
It was just we need to get rid of these.
That's what they did in the 80s, everybody's really funny why not just like why not just burn them i that's
a good question why not it's probably burning like that but not in the 80s not the 80s you could do
anything in the 80s you really could you really could yeah very little like i there's um god it
used to be a commercial not so much anymore i I think it was about maybe the dangers of smoking.
Do you see some of the stuff where people used to smoke?
Yeah.
I remember being in movie theaters and people smoking cigarettes.
That, I don't.
Yeah.
I remember definitely airports being a place that you walked in and everything in the airport
smelled like cigarettes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember going to the bank with my parents and the, oh, excuse me, setting, putting down
our cigarette and exhaling and working with us at the bank, sitting there.
Wow.
Oh, Jesus.
It's like, isn't that strange?
It's like, I can't wait for a cigarette.
I remember Swiss Chalet had a big, like, they had a smoking section and a non-smoking section
that was separated by nothing.
That was what you'd have to do at restaurants, smoking or non-smoking.
In restaurants, wow.
Yeah, well, sometimes there's still hotels that are like, do you want a smoking room or a non-smoking room they asked me that in halifax
and i was like what are you crazy does that still happen does that but where is that though is that
just in smaller areas of canada or do they do that in the states in the states yeah i bet more in the
states i think we're more smoke free in canada oh if you go down to Las Vegas, you can still go just about anywhere and people still
do a lot of smoke.
Oh, wow, wow.
Not the big, like,
chain, you know,
big famous casinos,
but all the littler ones,
everybody's smoking.
Yeah, the little
skankier ones.
Like, whatever.
The ones that you're
going to because
you have nothing else.
Yeah, and you're like,
yeah, you might as well
smoke.
Please, they hand out
cigarettes out the door.
Please, take one.
Were you guys doing
comedy when the switchover?
I guess it happened a little later in Vancouver than it did in Ontario.
It happened pretty early in Vancouver.
Did it?
Maybe it was either way.
Because when I, like maybe the first four years of comedy, you smoked in comedy rooms for me.
Yeah.
And I remember the changeover and having that moment where we're like, oh my God, this is fantastic.
Because there was definitely rooms that i remember going home and
like sometimes having to leave because the room was so smoky they the last place that i can remember
in vancouver that you were allowed to smoke comedy wise was the uh urban well oh yes but you were
only allowed to smoke at the bar that was the that was the caveat from filtering over i mean that's
it yeah there's no air there are a few places i don't know if it still is but the but but pat's That was the caveat. Because that prevents it from filtering over. I mean, that's it. Yeah.
There's no air.
There are a few places.
I don't know if it still is.
But Pat's Pub had this little, it wasn't a comedy venue, but it had like a glassed-in room that was ventilated.
Oh, yeah, right.
It was weird.
It was right in the middle.
Remember when everyone spent their money on that?
Do you remember when bars and stuff spent their money on little glass enclosures?
Yeah.
You know? And it's like a month and a half later money on little glass enclosures? Yeah. You know?
It's like a month and a half later,
yeah, you can't do that anymore.
You just spent like thousands.
They turned it into a ballroom. Exactly.
One of those bouncy ballrooms.
That's what it means. Not like an old
dancer.
Hang up a chandelier.
This is where we dance.
There's a minuet starting. Are you ready? I don't even know what a minuet is. But you know what? where we dance there's a minuet starting are you ready yeah i don't even know what
a minuet is but you know what i bet you there's a big joke in those circles where they go just
one more minuet until the minuet dave don't shake your hand that was me slapping my knee did you
hear that it really was literally and figuratively so what else
is going on
we definitely
got into ghosts
yes
we really
we hung out there
for a bit
yeah we really
cracked the seal
on the ghost talk
it was really
it was really good
it was yeah
it was alright
what else is going on
I've been doing
a lot of traveling
lately
I was
I was just in Scotland
and England
have you
have you been
have you performed
yeah
I've never performed
there but been lovely talk about ghosts that one right I was just in Scotland and England. Have you been? Have you performed? Yeah. I've never performed there.
I've been there.
Been.
Talk about ghost places.
That one, right?
But you know, this is so North American of me, but wow, like everything is a castle.
I was in Edinburgh, Scotland, and like just everything is a castle.
Yeah.
Like you were saying, it's very surreal because it's that moment of like, you know, talking
to some of the dudes and, you know, going for coffees and stuff and like looking around and like the apartment buildings are built into the bottom of cathedrals and castles because that's just what's there.
So can you imagine that?
Wouldn't that be awesome?
It would be great.
It's like a second castle on the left.
And then, you know, I mean, it's just that's where they live.
And like McDonald's built into the bottom of castles.
And you're like, wow, this I'm sure isn't what they envisioned for the town.
But I mean, it's just, it's really great because just everything is so old.
It's amazing.
Yeah.
You know, like, well, especially British Columbia.
Like everything here is like, what?
A hundred years old.
78 years old.
You know what I mean?
It's the same thing.
Like old for us in Canada is like 300 years old.
Yeah.
And then you go there and it's, yeah, exactly. And then it's like new is 300 years old. It's the same thing. Like, old for us in Canada is like 300 years old. Yeah. And then you go there and it's, yeah, exactly.
And then it's like new is 300 years old.
It's great.
But it was fun.
I enjoyed it.
I mean, you know, comedy is different.
How did you find comedy there?
I haven't done it in Scotland.
I did it in England.
And they love puns.
Wordplay is huge.
So dumb.
And you know what? But do you know what? My minuet joke would have just.play is huge. So dumb. You know what?
But do you know what?
My minuet joke would have just...
Would have killed, destroyed.
Exactly.
Standing ovation right there.
I found...
Okay, not in London proper,
but the minute kind of going out to the suburbs and stuff
is storytelling.
Like, I found so much storytelling.
And I'm not really a storyteller. You are, too. True, but not like that. Okay, this is what I found so much storytelling and I'm not really a storyteller.
I'm not true,
but not like,
not like that.
Okay.
This is what I found.
A lot of the comics that I watched were like their whole act.
Uh,
first of all,
a headline act headline set for 20 minutes.
Oh my God.
Are you kidding?
Best thing in the world.
You're like,
you're closing 20 minutes.
What?
It's fantastic.
It's the best thing ever.
But the guys that I saw a lot,
they would tell stories and in this fashion.
Um, so last night I was at this club and this happened and that's, the best thing ever. But the guys that I saw a lot, they would tell stories in this fashion. So last
night I was at this club and this happened.
And that would be their whole set.
So it would be sort of like relaying
tales of the road.
And that was it. And I found out the hard way
a couple times. And they also
wanted to be talked to. And even
some of the comics said to me, like,
oh, very American. And I was like,
why? And they're like, oh, because you just tell jokes. And I was like, oh, very American. And I was like, why? And like, oh, because you just tell jokes.
And I was like,
oh,
okay.
Sorry.
This is a comedy show.
Pardon me.
But it was,
it was a lot of,
a lot of storytelling.
If you were an egg,
you would tell yolks.
Another standing ovation.
Right there.
Do you see how that's happened?
But yeah,
so interesting.
And then one,
and when I was in Scotland,
I was staying with a really great American guy
named Lee Camp.
He's from Brooklyn.
Super, super cool guy.
Sounds like a British guy.
Lee Camp.
Lee, shouldn't he sound like a British guy?
But totally awesome.
And he said to me that he found
there was no applause breaks.
He's like, I'm used to applause breaks.
And I was like, well, take it easy.
I'm kidding.
But you know. I'm not. but he was saying you know and then he asked one of these one of the scottish guys and i can't do a scottish accent at all but he asked him he's like why don't you applaud and his answer was
perfection he's like well when i'm laughing it doesn't you know does i don't think of clapping
yeah like it never never comes across my mind to clap when I'm laughing.
And I was like,
good.
That's a nice answer.
I thought the answer
was going to be
because I'm carrying two beers.
Exactly.
Then I have to put a beer down.
Although the first night
in Edinburgh,
the one dude
that at the bar,
it was his,
somebody's birthday at the bar.
Always somebody's birthday
at the bar.
Always someone's birthday
at the bar.
He says,
he's like,
I'm not drinking tonight.
He's like,
I'm taking the night off.
And then he had four pints.
I was like, that's a night off. You know what I mean? I was like, like i'm not drinking tonight he's like i'm taking the night off and then he had four pints i was like that's a night off you know what i mean i was like oh i'm not really drinking tonight i'll just take one more i'm running a marathon tomorrow exactly yeah i'm running
doing a marathon yeah getting a blood test and uh you know what i mean it's like i'm gonna drive
home but it's pretty amazing it's really amazing yeah yeah. And I got a lot of, because I don't drink, so I got a lot of like, well, good thing you're funny.
And I was like, oh, what if I wasn't funny?
Then what would happen?
Because I don't drink, we kill you.
Oh, sorry.
Jeez.
But yeah, that's an oddity saying you don't drink there.
You're a weirdo.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And yeah, it is strange because it's like a personal offense.
It is.
An affront.
It's like, what the?
My favorite thing I spent most of my time doing was taking pictures of all the strange
brands they have, which is so funny.
Okay.
When I was in London, they had as a vendor on the street, a corn vendor.
What brand?
Kernels of Corn.
I don't know.
Exactly.
I think it was like a no-name brand.
I was like
really
it's not even Dole
get with it
shout out to Dole
yeah
where did that come from
exactly
green giant
okay
but just like
and I'm like
looking at it
and people are buying
little containers
of corn
and eating it with spoons
and it was weird
and sad
a little
like I was like is that what
when i was over there the one thing i remember i tried talking about it on stage was they would
have you could go to anywhere like a like a convenience store or pharmacy or whatever and
they would be everywhere they'd be hot dogs in a can like but not like cocktail sauce which is
like full hot dogs in water in a can.
And I was on stage.
Full hot dogs,
not the bun.
Not the bun,
but like not
prophesied.
How would that be?
A hot dog with a bun
in its open can.
Not even in water.
Just like,
and it's just ready to go.
It's carbonated.
It's sproing out
like one of those games. Yeah. so uh i talked about it on stage and i got
the the biggest kind of blank looks like well why wouldn't we why wouldn't how else will you deliver
hot dogs but also too they would never have said drugstore they would have said chemist yeah that's
right yeah which is so cute right isn't that right away i foiled you again
clark um but that's the sweetness too and then i he always feels so like like slightly pompous
because you're like oh chemist that's so cute i'm like i'm sorry i didn't mean to say it because i
felt like everything i was saying was like oh you guys that's so cute and that sounds that's very
you know what i mean self-righteous it's kind It's kind of like so many of our last names are based on old English jobs.
Oh, yeah, that's true, right?
Like a cartwright is someone who made a cart.
Yeah.
Or a baker.
Correctly.
Yeah, it's true.
But I think some of their words could still be last names, like dustman.
You haven't advanced. Let's be honest. some of their words are still, could still be last names, like Dustman. I totally, you didn't even
advance. Let's be honest.
They have in the corn world. I gotta go
all the way to the store to get corn.
You suckers.
Are you kidding? Come on.
Seriously though, shout out to Dole.
What?
That was good. Dave, what's going on with you?
Oh, eating a lot of street corn.
He's been known to do that.
Yeah.
Well, we haven't recorded an episode in three or four weeks.
Yeah.
We banked a bunch because you were away in Halifax.
I was.
Foggy goggle, et cetera.
Sure.
Pizza corner.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Since then, what's happened?
You've been busy, though, and why? Because you guys have been working
on the debate. Are you allowed to say that? Oh, I haven't been working on the debate.
No, of course. What's up with you, then?
He works at CBC Radio 3.
Oh, so you're going back on Monday.
Tuesday. Oh, God bless.
It's a long weekend. Boom.
We get four days in Canada. So you're like a
regular employee.
Sort of. Well, regular is pushing. So you're like a regular employee. Sort of.
Well, regular is pushing it.
I'm called a casual employee.
Oh.
But I've got sneakers and inside out shirts.
Yeah.
That's how he does it.
But what's been going on with me?
Well, yeah, working.
But, I mean, so much has happened in the last few weeks, but, you know.
Yeah, but it's like, how do you boil it down?
Are you getting married?
I am getting married.
Do you need any advice?
We went and picked up the wedding invitations.
Oh, goodness.
When is it?
It's in August.
Lovely.
Where are you going?
Where are you going to get married?
Here?
Like in Vancouver?
I thought you said when.
Yeah, I just said August.
Like what time?
Around 3.30? 3. you said when. Yeah, I just said August. Like what time? Around 3.30?
3.30.
August.
3.30.
Good time.
On Gabriola Island.
Oh, good deal.
So are you both from out here?
I am from out here.
Yeah.
She is from all over.
Okay.
She's born in Ontario and grew up in Quebec and then Switzerland. And her parents now live in China.
Is everyone coming in?
Yeah.
Good deal.
Imagine what they sell on the corner in China.
Oh, my gosh.
Mainly corn.
Corn feet.
Strange.
It's just corn.
Corn feet.
Corn innards.
Just the husks.
Corn necks.
just the husks yeah
corn necks
husks
but
the one thing
well you were
talking about
the mental institution
yes
and
the wedding
from mental institution
see what we did there
well we talked
I don't want to talk
about the wedding
it's been
that's real life stuff
it's been in the works
for a while
a little bored of it now to be honest
Although when we did pick up the wedding invitations
We went to this place
In South Vancouver
And there was this Mercedes parked outside the place
With the license plate
W-E-D-T-H-G
It was a vanity plate
Wedthug
When that's he guards the store It was a vanity plate. Wed thug.
Well, and that's, he guards the store.
But the business is called Wedding Things.
But it just looks like Wed Thug.
Wow.
Okay, back to Mental Institutions.
I take this thug.
Oh, yeah, back to Mental Institutions.
The one movie I saw in the theater while you were away was Sucker Punch.
Oh!
Young... What's her name? Emily Browning?
Oh, is that an adventure one?
That's like an adventure one, isn't it?
It's the dumbest one.
Based on a comic book or something?
It looks like it ought to be, but it's not.
Oh, it's not? I thought it was based on a video game.
No, no, no no it's the director
all his other movies
are based on
he did The Watchmen
he did 300
and then he made
this one up
out of nothing
and it sure is nothing
and you can tell
oh man
it is the worst
is it really
yeah
I haven't seen
we're gonna try to go see
this weekend
like tomorrow
we're thinking
we might go see Scream
Scream 4
sure I've seen them all let's end it yeah you're a completist you know what I mean try to go see this weekend. Like tomorrow we're thinking we might go see Scream. Scream 4?
Sure, I've seen them all.
Let's end it.
Yeah, you're a completist.
You know what I mean?
It would feel wrong.
I gotta finish it up.
They're gonna keep making those movies.
Of course they are
because they make money
off of it, so why not?
I feel like that
and also Hangover.
I think eventually
you'll be able to say
Ed Helms from the
Hangover movies
or Hangover series.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, I think they're just going to keep making those.
Because they've got the second one already in the works, right?
It's already coming out.
Yeah, yeah.
I have a feeling there will be a third.
Do you have any ideas for names for them?
It would just be like Police Academy, one through seven.
Hangover 2.
It's not going to be like Meet the Fockers, Little Fockers.
I think some of them should be Hangover. This actually can't be Hangover. I's not going to be like Meet the Fockers Little Fockers I think some of them should be
Hangover
This actually can't be Hangover
I'm really sick
That's what it should be
I should probably get this checked
Did we even drink last night?
Yeah
I watch
Do you find
I watch most of my movies
on planes
Don't you watch?
And that's a different experience
I got to on this
on this trip
I got to watch
I saw all the Academy Award
movies on planes
and lost it a while
Yeah?
Yeah Black Swan on a plane Not a great idea When you're sitting with kids beside you on this trip I got to watch. I saw all the Academy Award movies on planes and lost it a while. Yeah? Yeah.
Black Swan on a plane, not a great idea.
When you're sitting with kids beside you,
I'm like, what am I?
No, not a great idea.
Right?
Did you see it?
I saw it, yeah.
It was okay.
She gets a rash.
Who cares?
Exactly.
A little ointment and we're good.
One of my very first roommates
when I moved to Toronto is a ballerina
and so there's
there's a little bit of that
just because I grew up
with her like
you know from 19
to like 24
we were roommates
and so
and she went to the
National Ballet School
and I mean it's
yeah
gross you know
I remember saying
it really is
like it's unbelievable
like because now
she's actually
a dance
and head of the dance
department in Liverpool at
Paul McCartney school of the arts.
Oh,
that's fine.
But yeah,
just,
you know,
they would do crazy,
crazy shit.
I,
uh,
like that was the thing I was,
uh,
I haven't watched a movie on a plane for a while and I started watching the
a team and you know,
you have to sit through about five minutes of ads
every time you reboot a movie.
And after five minutes of ads,
I was like,
I really feel like
I can't go through
those ads again.
So I stuck with the A-Team movie
for exactly 11 minutes
before I said,
this is too dumb
to keep watching.
Can't do it.
You know what I just started watching?
Because I went through
all the movies.
You know,
they only switch them over so much.
So I went
and I started watching Sons of Anarchy.
Have you watched it?
It's the motorcycle gang.
Oh, Abby really likes it.
It's pretty good.
Yeah, I watched.
I was watching over.
Every movie I picked, I lost interest in and started watching the lady across the aisle.
She was watching Sons of Anarchy.
And you're like, I should have started that.
What?
But it's pretty good.
And then, you know, Katie Segalal is on it, Peg Bundy.
She should never have been off television.
Not even for a second.
But let me tell you, she does a great job.
I think she's won awards and stuff.
She's pretty fantastic.
Oh, she's amazing.
But in the show, she is...
No, you don't think so?
No.
How many people are amazing?
When I was a kid, she...
Like, I know that Christina Applegate was supposed to be the sex figure.
I always thought David Faustino was supposed to be the sex figure.
I always thought David Faustino was.
He thought so, too, unfortunately.
But I always thought her.
I always thought she was the sexy one on the show.
Yeah.
So she has a special place in my... That's the totally...
In my bone zone.
In my pan.
One of my best friends did the same thing.
He said the same thing
he was like
it was always pegged for me
always
yeah it's crazy
because I know that
they kept tarting up
Christine Applegate
and being like
she's the one that you want
and you're like no
okay but this is what
I was saying
that's a good lead in
because then Katie said
I'm watching the show
and I'm like
she looks fantastic
alright she looks so great
and she's super sexy
and she's just gorgeous
and I said to my friend
when I was explaining I was like my god she's so I said like she's like what is she, and she's super sexy, and she's just gorgeous. And I said to my friend when I was explaining, I was like, my God, she's so what I said.
Like, she's, like, what is she, like, 47?
She's 57.
57?
In real life.
Wow.
What?
Wow.
57.
I mean, it changes things a little.
You're like, holy shit, my God.
You don't just look good.
You look fucking good.
I mean, wow.
I think that's happening, though.
Isn't that happening now?
It is.
It's nice to see, actually.
Like, people are hitting the
50 to 60 range
and they still look
like normal people
what happened
100 years ago
they still look like
normal people
they look like
a regular person
she's 49
and she looks
almost regular
but it's true
like
in just
last years
I mean seriously
when my mother
turned 50
she looked like a 50 year old woman do you know what I mean but then you see. When my mother turned 50, she looked like a 50-year-old woman.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
But then you see, like, Christy Brinkley, and you're like, how did you make her?
How is that even?
I know, right?
Yeah.
There's someone like that, Michelle Pfeiffer.
Well, there are famous actresses and models.
Yeah, true enough.
That's true.
True enough.
And there's some people that, I know I hate them.
Some people, just God likes them better.
Just some people.
Yeah, of course.
Like, you have to be honest.
I saw that, you you know they've got those
all those stupid shoes
when you wear them
you work out
no you work out
when you put the shoes on
when you go work out
asshole
like seriously
it's so stupid
but there's that one gorgeous girl
I don't know what she does
I think her name is Brooke
she's a brunette girl
oh Brooke Hogan
yeah and she
and she
no it's in the home
the gorgeous Brooke Hogan
oh yes
but she's she's one of
that she hosts stuff and stuff but she's oh brooke burns that's it there's two of them she's a double
b's yeah yeah um i checked i checked don't move i'm just gonna check here yeah but she she does
she does a commercial for those shoes.
Holy Christ.
She's had four children.
Jesus.
She's unbelievable.
And I look at that and I go, God just likes you better.
That's all there is to it.
I mean, my sister has four children.
God bless.
Lovely woman.
But she's no Brooke Burke.
Do you know what I mean?
Well, does she try shape-ups?
Maybe that's the thing.
That is the catch.
I'm going to give her shape-ups.
Oh, my gosh.
So, yeah. I saw a movie a movie well so what was it oh no we can move on well do you want to know what it what it
yeah because from the trailer you cannot tell what it's about it's uh uh all right uh emily
browning yeah is this uh um she's do we know her from something else? Well, she was in Lemony Snicket. Oh, was she the kid?
She was a kid in Lemony Snicket.
Oh, wow.
Don't know it.
And she's a very pretty lady.
I don't understand how people can have somebody who's been in a Lemony Snicket and then have her be a sex object.
And if you knew her in Lemony Snicket, wouldn't you just, like, okay, well, I know her as a little girl.
I'm not going to.
Yeah, I never saw Lemony Snicket.
Okay.
So you're all right.
You're cool.
All right.
I'm good.
This isn't as creepy as it sounds.
No.
No, it's 90 minutes of very attractive ladies.
Yeah.
But it starts off in this mental institution full of hot ladies.
That's where they go.
Yeah.
Every time I've seen a psych ward.
It's like, you guys should start
your own car wash in here.
Awesome.
And then she's about to be lobotomized.
And then in a split second
you're transported
into her face.
And they're in a brothel
in like the 40s?
But an old-timey brothel where they have to dance and stuff.
And then she learns to dance.
She's all of a sudden the best dancer.
It's in her brain.
Well, they're dancing to all this 40s-style big band music.
And they're like, well, we're going to give you a shot dancing.
And she puts a record on.
And it's Bjork.
And then she does the charleston to bjork she starts dancing and then as soon as like she's about to dance you go into her face again
and then they're they're uh all of the hot girls are now fighting for something oh they're
transported into some war zone where they have to either kill a dragon
or beat
robot Nazis.
You are making this sound actually very good.
Don't watch the movie, just listen
to Dave's overview.
That's all we need.
Sounds like a hot inception.
It sort of is.
Except that it's so, so so bad because the battle scenes are so
pointless and then they come up with a plan to get out of the brothel which you're like are they
really even in a brothel are they in an insane asylum um and but it all involves her dancing
because every time she dances everyone is so mesmerized that they can, whatever, steal a key or steal a map. Oh, Jesus.
Goodness.
And you never see her dancing.
You just take their word for it.
She's really good.
Trust me.
You're immediately transported to these battles.
Oh, my gosh.
And so when they started formulating their plan based on...
So she dances in the battles?
No, no, no.
And then they go to the next level?
No, she dances, and you don't see her dance.
You're just transported to these battles
that are happening on that are like a metaphor
for what's going on.
It's the worst.
Yeah, wow.
And they're completely pointless.
And so when they're formulating their plan of like,
we need to get these five things,
so you need to dance five times.
And in my mind, I'm like,
oh, I got to sit through five stupid battles.
It was like, I've never walked out of a movie in a theater.
Did you?
No.
But that was like, Abby was really, she wasn't enjoying it.
She was like, even I thought that was stupid.
So you must have hated it.
Anyway, so we left.
The movie ended.
And we got up to leave and there's these it was like the opening weekend or or it was a tuesday after the opening weekend so it was packed
and as we're leaving there are these girls dressed as angels handing out axe body spray
and so i go into the bathroom afterwards and it just reeks everyone is putting on axe body spray
so now every time you smell that you're gonna think of that movie afterwards and it just reeks. Everyone is putting on X-Body spray.
So now every time you smell that you're going to think of that movie.
And that overwhelming bathroom.
That should be illegal.
I'm all for us
cracking down on smoking inside, but
can we just... No more cologne.
Okay.
What is the thing?
Like, how do people not know they have too much cologne on?
Like, how do you not smell that?
Do you know what I mean?
I wonder.
I've always wondered that because not long ago, I think, I don't know if it's, I think everyone, you know, maybe everyone thinks that they do.
I feel like I have a very sensitive smelling.
Yeah, sure.
I really do.
Do you know, some smells really upset me.
I was talking to Kevin Lee.
Maybe it was on this show.
But he said,
I don't have a really good sense of smell.
And I've never heard anyone say that in their life.
I didn't see me need me neither,
to be honest.
Yeah, like everyone, I think,
just assumes that they're good at smelling.
It's true.
Elaine, one of my hardest smelling.
Remember that one?
Great. But I feel like there's some sense that I'm just like, it really upsets me. it's true Elaine one of my hardest smelling remember that one great
but I really
I feel like
there's some sense
that I'm just like
it really upsets me
and I
when dudes
wear too much cologne
oh my gosh
like there was
a little while ago
met a guy
like had so much
cologne
embraced me
and like
literally had to
push him away from me
because I thought
I'm gonna throw up
like physical reaction
like how do you not know
you're wearing that much cologne?
I'm actually allergic to this stuff.
Are you really?
Interesting.
And I was on a plane coming back, and I was sitting next to a lady who had doused herself
in kind of a, I feel like it was maybe something they would have sold at a Lululemon.
That's what it smelled like.
But it was still perfume.
And it was still, like, from the second she sat down i was like
and you can't like it's not like you can go and say to someone you know go wash
there were a couple wet naps trust me um but you can't like no one cares about that though like
you know now it's like not a plane wash it off no it's it wears off like but you don't a plane
or like you'll be someone they'll be like okay please we have some with a peanut allergy
everyone no peanuts you won't do that they won't do that for for uh sense but i've i don't care
i've worn cologne like i don't know five times in my life yeah i've got i've got some full bottles
if anyone wants to buy them one is called sexual oh um and uh I can tell that you might not be able to tell that you're wearing too much.
Yeah.
Because the first time you first spray, it's so much immediately.
Yeah, it's true.
So you've reached the bare...
So you've gotten to the limit of your smell zone kind of thing.
Yeah, I can see that.
But, you know, I've been in the gym, obviously, like, showered and cologned before they've come to the gym, and then they're sweating it out.
So they just become like a factory.
They become like the thing that, like a Glade plug-in.
Oh, factory.
It's just like they're giving off the scent as they work out.
Every seven minutes, they do one of those ones.
If you walk in front of them
oh god
motion activated
dude
I've been seeing
a lot of Glade
plug-ins commercials
lately
they are crazy
they are trying to
corner the market
of smell
I don't know
I've never
the only times
I've ever
been around them
are in like
in a house
that's all dudes
and it's a last ditch effort
to... We will
disguise the smell of a dead body.
Yeah, but in the commercials it's always
a house that probably smells great.
Oh, we have a dog. Yeah, a clean house
with, you know what I mean, a woman who clearly gets
a cleaning service and they put that up. You're like,
really? Clean house with like, oh, my son
my son's gym shoes. He took off his
shoes. Oh, that's good.
Yeah, leave them outside.
That was always the solution in our house.
Now, this is something.
I'm going to say it.
Maybe it's too weird to say it, but I'm going to tell you this.
Go, go.
Most of the time, depending on the human being, the smell of, like, sweat slash body odor
doesn't bother me.
Me neither, actually.
It doesn't.
It doesn't.
I mean, I think it depends on the person.
Like, you know, there's normal sweaty, and then there's I haven't washed in a really long time.
It's not even I haven't washed myself.
I haven't washed the shirt.
And that's usually, I think, what it is.
Obviously, your clothes retain smell way more.
During the summer, I probably go through, in any given day, four shirts a day.
That's conservative.
Whenever I leave the house
i will have a bag with another shirt and another pair of socks in it because i know like it's not
gonna last that's good thinking because it is it's like because uh i'm like well the sweat isn't
just vanishing into the ether oh but if it was what about all those they have those products
that would wicks sweat away. What? I'm sorry?
Oh, like the sports.
You know those ones?
Where is it going?
Imagine if you were wearing a pair of shape-ups and one of those.
Oh my gosh.
You'd be in fit.
You'd be a Statham within a week.
What does wick even mean?
I only know it as a part of the candle.
No one knows.
You see, they just say those words and I accept it, David.
That's the problem.
Society, I think, and me, maybe.
It wicks away. See, it said it wicks away, David. That's the problem. Society. I think, and me. It wicks away. See, it said it wicks away,
guys. So let's just take that as law.
Awesome.
Graham, what's been going on with you?
Hey. Hey, you know, right?
Yeah.
Like you say,
that amount of time, a lot of things happen.
But I'll share with you the one thing that I know
you'll be interested in,
just morbidly fascinated
with the fact that I stayed
at a hostel for an evening.
Yeah, I was at the one hotel.
Where were you, sorry?
I was at the hotel
that the Yuck Yucks is in.
Okay.
In Halifax.
Halifax, yeah.
And then they had one day
that was super crazy
and I couldn't book
the room I was in
so I had to stay in a hostel for that night.
And it was hysterical.
It is a hysterical...
Have you ever stayed in a hostel?
Once.
Yeah.
Now you never have, Dave.
Oh, yeah.
All over Europe.
You have, okay.
So we all know the parameters of a hostel.
If people haven't, like when I was a
teenager, I had no idea what this was.
It's a bunk
room. Yeah, it's a bunk room.
It's like camp. And there's a guy with a guitar.
Yeah. And he
was there. Present
and accounted for.
And the night that I checked
in was the night of the
Canadian debates for the election.
Because there's an election going on right now.
So it was the English debate.
And I went into the TV room and nobody else was there.
So I was like, I'll sit down and watch the debate.
The guitar was in the room and I was like, I'm a little wary about this.
He took his guitar outside and started having a sing-along on the porch.
But I was sitting there watching.
I was the only one in the room for most of the debate.
And then a girl who worked at the hostel came in and asked, like, oh, how's the debate going?
Who's winning?
Yeah.
How many points does Harper have?
And so I told her, you know, I kind of gave her a rundown of what was happening.
And then two very young people came in the room and sat down and feigned
interest for about 45 seconds.
And then one guy started talking over the debate about a bartending course
he's taking and about how like the mixing part is really tough.
And so now I can't hear the debate at all.
All I can hear is his mixing talk.
And then the girl he's with says,
do you want to play battleship? so then they go into the game room bring the battleship game
back to the tv room and i have to watch the debate over sing-along and battleship game
right next to me that's what you're saying yeah that's what you're saying i got the full experience. It was really great. But yeah, I booked myself the private room in the hostel.
And I realized that my economic scales, I can book the best room in a hostel.
Was it a youth hostel?
Yeah, yeah.
What is the cutoff for a youth hostel?
It was a hostelling international hostel. So there was one old
dude there who said...
Look at my balls.
He said something about
the debates about how...
Something like an old dude would say.
In my day, see?
We didn't debate. We just killed
a man.
He was staying there. You could tell out. And he was staying there.
You could tell nobody liked what he was putting down.
And, you know, they had, I think they made spaghetti.
Like, it was all the elements that you think would be going on in a hostel were all happening on that night.
And I had a private room at the very top of the hostel with my own bathroom.
Oh, my.
Yes, with a key.
And so, oh, I just walked by. Oh my. Yes. With a key. And so,
Oh,
I just walked by people.
Pardon me.
While I go in my disgusting one person bag.
Against the children.
Yeah.
And then,
um,
at the,
uh,
at the one,
okay,
now I'm exhausted.
It's been a very long day.
I'm trying to go to sleep and,
uh,
I can just hear these German people next to me just chatting away.
Not in German, though.
In English with their hilarious German accent.
Always hilarious.
About we've got to buy some wicker furniture.
That's a weird thing.
I keep talking about wicker furniture.
Until like four in the morning.
It was ridiculous yeah maybe that
maybe it was
code word
or something
oh yeah
we've got to
kill the man
with the key
to the private bathroom
see that was
that was it
for me with hostels
the minute I was like
wait a minute
we're sharing a bathroom
yeah no
that was
yeah
like in all the other
hostel situations
I've been in
have been hostels
but yeah this was the first time I had like Yeah, and all the other hostile situations I've been in have been hostile.
But yeah, this was the first time I had my own bathroom and a door that locked in.
It was just me in there.
Oh, yeah.
Happy and I once had a private room in a hostel in Barcelona, but we had to walk through another room to get to it.
Oh, oh. How romantic oh oh worst thing ever and it was we had a locking
door on it but if you pushed it you could you could get it if you want if you like put your
shoulder into it you're in like yeah the lock would connect the the two sides of the swinging
doors but nothing connected them to the top i i had a friend who rented an apartment where you had to walk through someone else's
bedroom to get to your bedroom whoa and i was like you rent this and live here every day what's
wrong with you it's better than being the other guy who yeah absolutely that's your room wow yeah
wow yeah so it's like it's okay for a night it's fun you know i got to kind of revisit those days
of your and then you get to
leave them
that's the best part
when you left in the morning
threw down the key
I'm out of here
but we had
that night
we had the worst show
that was the other thing
like just
I played a show
that was at the casino
and nobody was there
and it was
the audience
that was there
was fantastic
and I got to meet people
who are fans of the podcast
and we went to their
favorite drinking establishment I want to say it was called al's but i'm probably wrong uh so that
part was wonderful but just at the beginning of the show when there was nobody there i was like
well when i woke up on the lower bunk of a hostel room i should have known this day was gonna be
today's not gonna be this is gonna be that day it's not gonna be that day. It's not going to be that day.
Was that through Yacht Hacks or was that through the festival?
That gig was through the festival.
And there was another great show going on in the casino that everybody was at.
And then another show that they kind of tacked on or something.
And my thing was on stage talking about how funny I thought that there was a slot machine called Kitty Glitter out on the floor.
And nobody thought it was as funny.
I couldn't communicate.
It was like the hot dog
can situation over again.
You heard me, right?
I said Kitty Glitter.
Right, guys?
Is that not the funniest
thing you've ever heard?
I do like a slot machine.
Do you?
Oh, come on.
It's really?
Oh, yeah, they're pretty fun.
I'm not,
I never ever gamble, but one time at the Halif ones that get, oh yeah, they're pretty fun. They, I'm not, I never ever gamble,
but that one time
at the Halifax Comedy Festival,
trust me when I say,
if you have the opportunity
to go play slots
with Ryan Belville
and Darcy Michael,
do it.
Just go for it.
Don't resist.
Just go.
All right?
Because Ryan Belville
is a crazy human being.
Yes, he is.
Oh, goodness.
He's a good time.
And that was it.
We had so much fun.
And the game that we played
was called Jackpot Party. Jackpot Party jackpot party jackpot party is so fun because they're different now i
like the good ones that you go over and they have like levels that you could oh it's oh it's super
fun well there's nothing as fun as uh kitty glitter nothing as fun i mean please i would
have seen if i saw that one i would have played yeah of course you would have i would have thrown
down you're not made of stone. I'm not crazy. Right?
I guess you had to be there.
Do you want to move on to Overhearts?
I would love to.
Wait.
Before we do Overhearts, Graham, we should pause for a moment and reflect on the good folks at Fuzzy Balls Apparel.
Now, they are makers of cute and creepy t-shirts and things.
Yeah, cute and creepy, like a Christina Ric know, a Christina Ricci in The Addams
Family. Sure. Or like a
Christina Ricci in... The Opposite
of Sex. Sure. Or a Christina Ricci
in Black Snake Moan.
Christina Ricci in Casper
the Friendly Ghost. Yeah. Cute
and Ricci things. And t-shirts.
Now, if you...
I've said before on the podcast
that I wear the shirts i was wearing
one of the shirts earlier today and i was wearing one of the things one of the creepy things yeah
and uh if you go to their website fuzzyballsapparel.com and order something and put is it
spy or stop spot stop podcast either way i think i don't think there's a robot manning the controls
i think it's a person a real person and A real person? And is like, hey,
this person listens to their favorite podcast
and is here because of that. Let's
give them a free gift. You get a free gift with
your order. And I really like the shirts.
They're like
t-shirts and then there's a little box with like
a crazy, you know, like a
cute and creepy character in the middle
of it. The one I was wearing this morning was like a cat.
A kind of a ghost cat.
Yeah.
I like that you change clothes midday.
Well, I slept in the...
I was wearing that shirt last night.
Slept in it.
Woke up this morning.
Changed shirts to leave the house because I'm not a monster.
Right.
I'm not a Christina Ricci.
Sure.
Cute, though.
Yeah, totally cute.
But yeah, Fuzzy Balls is uh as a sponsor of uh
stop podcasting yourself and uh i'm glad i'm glad we're being sponsored by a thing that uh
i didn't know it existed before they were a sponsor of the show but i like the stuff
yeah that they make so you listener go to fuzzyballsapparel.com check out their things
they are cute and creepy and some of them are t-shirts. Fuzzy.
Fuzzy.
Fuzzy Balls Apparel.
Yeah.
Stop it.
Let's go do some overheards.
Overheard.
Overheards.
The longest running segment besides the other segment that's also long running on here on the podcast.
And that first segment was very long.
It was like an hour.
They're getting to know you.
That was outstanding.
You know what?
How come this is not broadcast toast to toast to toast?
Disregard.
Withdrawn.
I would like to approach the bench.
I object.
Overruled.
We like to start always
with the guest
but
are you ready
do you have an over
I do
I do
yes
you can't help it
right
it's gonna be great
okay
on a train
going to
from Toronto to Ottawa
and
nobody on the train
like one of those trains
that you're like
you shouldn't even be running it
there's nobody here
like why did you do this
you should have pushed me
to another one so nobody is on the train maybe me and like three people that you're like, you shouldn't even be running it. There's nobody here. Like, why did you do this? You should have pushed me to another one.
So nobody is on the train.
Maybe me and like three people
in this whole section.
And there is a dude
on his cell phone.
Like there is no way
not to listen to him
because he is, you know,
not even speaking at room.
Like he's speaking loud
on his phone.
And just the most captivating,
like I saw the other people,
they were so angry
because he was speaking so loud.
And I was like,
shh, it's good.
Because it was fantastic. And the one line that really stuck out to me it was like
um don't send her christmas money she'll spend it on vodka
christmas money can't you even spend your christmas money on vodka you should be allowed
to right wow and then of course
the questions in my mind
was like
how old is she
how much money does she
how much does she always drink vodka
are you sending it
to someone older than you
or younger
exactly
because he was
he was probably like 30
you know what I'm like
your people should be allowed
to drink vodka
yeah
but
but maybe they're like a
maybe they're a family
that grew up in
you know
the dad worked in a rum factory.
Oh, yeah.
She's a traitor.
Don't bring any of that swill into this house.
I assumed he was speaking to his mother, because I didn't know who was on the other end.
I don't have those powers.
But I assumed it was his mother, and it was because it sounded like that sort of like,
his sister out of control.
But that is, don't send her.
When shall she spend it on vodka.
What's the,
like you have to,
um,
uh,
send the idea of sending Christmas money.
Yeah.
Is like,
it's once you're a certain age and you're completely out of touch with what
young people want.
Exactly.
When you don't know your kids anymore.
I don't know.
But it's also,
it's also you,
you,
you,
I find you don't know what a good amount of money't. But it's also, it's also, you, you, you,
I find you don't know what a good amount of money is.
You think $5 goes a long way.
Don't send her $5.
She'll spend it on vodka.
That makes it a little sadder though,
doesn't it?
Yeah.
Just the $5.
You know what I mean?
If you're sending her a hundred bucks and she spends some of it on vodka.
But if she spends the full hundred on vodka.
Ew. Yeah. Define sadder. You see how this works out? It's all about, you know, and she spends some of it on vodka. But if she spends the full hundred on vodka, ew.
Defines matter.
You see how this works out? It's all about timing and age
and how much money.
I was dying to find out.
Oh man, she just asked.
We're all,
we're the only people on this train.
Let me see.
Do you want to just put on speakerphone?
Yeah.
This won't leave this train.
I swear to God.
But a woman on the train was like,
excuse me, you're speaking really loudly.
And I was just like, but it's better for us to hear if he does that.
Maybe you people won't be invited on a podcast.
You can suck at overheard, by the way.
Do you have any other good overheards that you've overheard?
Oh, I've got.
Oh, yeah.
Dave, you go.
You go around the horn.
Love it.
Okay, mine is from the 420
celebrations outside the Vancouver
Art Gallery. I went down there specifically
to
listen for overheards.
Specifically to eavesdrop, is what you're saying.
And to show off my awesome
chicken shawarma. Oh, yeah.
I bet you a lot of people were eyeing it, too.
Although I couldn't go that deep because the art gallery, I don't know if it, well, chicken shawarma oh yeah i bet you a lot of people were eyeing it too yeah uh and although
i couldn't go that deep because i the art gallery i don't know if it um well it definitely used to
all have grass out in the front and it was just a mud pit oh oh yeah that's true yeah uh and i was
like well this isn't gonna be worth it uh and like and i really couldn't overhear anyone saying
anything good there was this one this isn't my over, there was just this one sad ice cream salesman who was just trying to cash in on the 420 phenomenon.
I just heard him say, get high and buy an ice cream.
And you're like, good sales pitch, but you're not really selling it.
He was saying to himself, as if somebody had said it to him. Get high and buy an ice cream, they said to me.
But as I was leaving, there was a stage set up with this bad hip-hop act.
And there was no music when I got there.
But right as I was leaving, I heard the music start up.
And there were these two guys on stage.
And the music started up.
And the two of them went, this first song is dedicated
to one of the best actors
on the history of the planet.
And the other guy goes,
Gary Busey!
And then the first guy goes,
Celebrity Apprentice, y'all!
No!
No!
That is...
Oh, you should...
Wow. Come on, right? Yeah, yeah it's outstanding even if you would have stopped
at the gary bucey i would have been like weird but all right but the celebrity
whoa that's pretty good right that's pretty good that is a bit of a rock bottom but it's
sort of like he got fired from the apprentice this week oh no what for being crazy
killing a man eating a squirrel
what did he do oh wait i when you first said that i was like oh no he must have done something
outrageous oh wait the whole point of that joke is to get fired yeah exactly that would be fun
but but yeah like i assume a 420 celebration is just gonna have the worst hip-hop in the world
and it did true True to form.
Maybe these guys were like funny guys.
Maybe they were like the sort of like, oh, we're not really
rappers. Of course we don't think Gary Busey
is that great, but you know, everyone here is so hot.
But if he was there, everybody would be standing around
him in a circle. Of course.
Oh, by the way,
tonight I'm going to see Donald Glover
at the
it was supposed to be at the Rio Theater
where we saw Paul F. Tompkins
which is great
and then it got moved
to the Commodore and I'm not that happy
about it because it's a bigger venue
and it's 421
or 2
and I'm also a little upset about it
because now the other
what is now going to be at the Rio Theater is Randy Quaid and his wife.
Oh, that's right.
Doing their, what is Star Wackers song that they wrote.
And a documentary that his wife made.
Come on.
Man, that is the, you know how people will always, they'll say like John and Yoko, like the woman.
I guess it could happen on the man's side too like uh anyways a spouse coming in and then like changing the artistic
direction of the other person this is the most extreme example that exists on earth yeah she
must have some skills do you know what i'm saying to make this happen right she's pretty cute yeah
but you know okay and he's not at all. No, goodness gracious.
That is, is he brothers or cousins to Dennis Quaid?
Brothers.
That's got to suck.
Isn't it crazy?
Like Dennis Quaid, you know, I mean, still a very handsome man.
I mean, he was a heartthrob.
Good act.
Like guy in good roles. Yeah.
Yeah.
And Randy Quaid is always, you know, the weird ones.
Cousin Eddie.
Shut up.
Yeah.
That's so good.
The guy from independence day
oh yeah remember that was the best part with that black turtle like dickie with her white sweater
and then him wearing the white shoes i saw how you were ironing them clark but the uh but like
think of how many uh famous people don't have a brother who's in movies so it's it's not that bad
no it's not yeah exactly it's not that oh surprising because i mean come on in the scheme
of things.
Okay, let's just quickly say something about Paul F. Tompkins.
Okay.
Oh, my God, I love him so much. Yeah, he's the greatest.
He is so funny.
Okay, I don't even watch American Idol.
He's so very sweet.
Did he really?
Yeah.
Oh, my God, you guys.
He did.
Is he really nice in real life?
No.
He's amazing.
He's a monster.
No eye contact the whole time.
He's weird.
By demand.
But I don't even really watch it.
I watched a little bit of the top of it,
the American Idol.
His American Idol recaps are the best thing
I've ever read in my life.
I've plugged them on the show
just because I think people should be reading them.
Exactly.
I don't care if you watch American Idol,
just read them.
His writing is great.
When I can read something and laugh out loud,
you're a genius, right?
He needs to write a book.
Because, I mean, obviously,
this is not news to everyone, but
half of comedy is, you know, the intonation
and the look on your face and everything. But just
reading something and making me laugh?
Yeah. Come on. He's amazing.
He's a genius. We love you. He's a monster.
We really do. Fantastic. He's a monster.
He's a monster.
Graham, do you have an overhand?
Oh, yeah. Mine... What what i have to cough one second
yeah no i'm fine are you fine yeah okay uh in halifax uh two people leaving the economy shoe
shop which is not a shoe shop it's not at all it's a nice it's a bar uh i was telling dave that
was my favorite bit uh to do on stage stage while in Halifax was to go,
I went to your famous bar here that's called like the Discount Shoe something.
And then somebody would go, Economy Shoe Shop.
And I go, no.
Like, I mean, it's like something about it's footwear, but it's like the cheap footwear motel.
And then somebody would be, Economy Shoe Shop.
And I go, no, but it's like that.
And just keep going until somebody got really shop and i go no but it's like that and just keep going until
somebody got really crazy and yelled yelled at me to stop stop i will cut you oh goodness but uh
when uh i it was a couple i think maybe a first date or maybe a second date we're walking out as
we were entering and uh the guy was saying to the girl,
I can't believe you thought it was called soil
sauce.
A last date as well.
Oh my gosh.
Do you have any soil sauce in the bag?
Excuse me?
What was that?
They're made from soil beans?
Sauce made from some sort of soil ice soil beans? Wow. It's sauce made
from some sort
of soil ice.
That's good.
Yeah.
That's like,
wow,
you should dump
her immediately
actually is what
that is to that guy.
Soil sauce.
Seriously,
soil sauce.
But is it
soy sauce
or soy sauce?
You see,
I think we were
brought up with
soy sauce.
Soy sauce.
It's really just soy.
It's soy sauce.
Yeah.
Yeah,
but people say
soy sauce.
Although I think soy sauce is a brand name of soy sauce brand i think it is actually an actual brand name yeah because
i always remember saying soya don't you yeah isn't it weird i never said soil though no no i'm not i'm
not a big dumb you know pony yeah talking pony i'm not some kind of big dumb talking pony okay
this happened last night we went um after the show to that All You Can Eat Sushi place.
Was it Tan Popo or something?
Okay.
Tan Popo, yeah.
It was super good.
So Darcy had to bring his own soy sauce because he can't eat gluten and wheat.
And apparently soy has wheat.
Who knew?
It does.
So he brought that in, whatever.
But then at the end of the night, we're standing down.
We're all kind of saying our goodbyes on the street.
And then a girl, a young girl, walked past me. past me and she was like oh i think you're so funny i was like oh thank you and then she said oh really wanted to
she's with her boyfriend she stops boyfriend keeps walking and it's like okay this is happening and
then she says oh i really wanted to come see you uh this weekend but she says my boyfriend doesn't
want to.
It's one of those awkward moments.
He looks over and he's like,
yeah, I'm not coming to see you.
And I was like, I'm standing right here, dude.
And I looked at her and said, you need to dump that asshole immediately. And then she
starts to laugh and then she's like, well, I was thinking
I'm here all weekend. You can come tomorrow or whatever.
And he screams back,
yeah, we're not coming. I was like, dude,
let it go.
Rub that guy's face in the soil sauce.
A little bit, right?
A little bit?
It was just like, you're being unnecessarily angry about that.
And you leave a joke at your girlfriend, do you think?
Do you know what it was?
It was like that thing where they show it in movies where somebody will start dating somebody right away
to make the other one jealous.
That's what she was doing.
Do you think so?
Yeah, I'm teaming up with Debra here, so we're going.
Jerk.
He's more of a Trevor Boris fan.
Totally.
But it was really one of those, like, I don't want to be in between you two right now.
It's a little strange.
That is the worst.
It's a little ugly.
Yeah.
I hope neither of them show up.
Me too.
They're weird.
I'll teach them.
No joy for you.
Both of you.
I just hate them so much.
Yeah.
Now, in addition to-
Big dumb ponies.
In addition to overheards that we have ourselves, we also have people write in with us. Oh, I love in addition to... Big dumb ponies. In addition to overheards
that we have ourselves,
we also have people
write in with overheards.
Oh, I love it.
Let's hear some of those.
All right.
Exciting.
If you would like to be
somebody who writes
in overheards,
you can send them to
stoppodcastingyourself
at gmail.com.
Oh, there's a little
accent there.
First one comes from
John S.,
who used to be
the cook at Rhyme.
Oh, right. He used to do a comedy show.
Okay, so I work with this really stupid woman
who is going to be featured
in many a future overheard,
and here's the first.
My boss counted and split up all the tips,
it's like a grocery store, restaurant, slash cafe,
and handed her her share.
It was $55 for the month,
and she remarked,
ugh, that's like a dollar a day.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, I look forward to more of those.
Exactly.
Yeah, really.
Oh, oh, oh.
Aw.
Wait, no, you do the thing on your knuckles.
So January is a big month.
February is small.
March has 55 days.
Isn't there a rhyme about that?
55 days has November.
April, June, and November.
All the rest have 71.
That's sad.
And worth our contempt.
This next one comes from Kate M.
I was in a craft store the other day and kept walking past a middle-aged mother and her teenage daughter and hearing snippets of their conversations.
My favorite was the first one.
In front of the bedding section, the young girl says,
Nah, I like green too.
I'm very random.
That is such a teenage girl thing to say.
Yeah.
Random?
So random.
The two words that are really being put through their paces right now are random and epic.
Epic is very big right now.
You don't know this is back?
We already talked about this.
Douche is back.
Oh, is it back?
Oh, my God.
Where'd it go?
See, I really feel like it went away for a long time.
Because douche was high school for me, and then it went away, and now it's back again. Oh, no. It's been back for years. Oh I really feel like it went away for a long time. Because douche was high school for me
and then it went away and now it's back again.
It's been back for years.
It went away. It did, guys. When I was in my 20s, there was no douche.
Really? Yeah, it was very hard to guess.
Lucky you.
Those were the days, everybody.
There's douche, which then gave way to douche bag.
And then you introduced me
to the phrase douche nozzle.
I think that's a Sarah Silver name.
It's more accurate
when you really get
down to it.
It is, yeah.
I remember when I worked
at Shopper's Drug Mart,
there was a woman
that worked,
she was the janitor
for the mall
and she used to come in
and buy douches
because they exist.
Where did you work?
I worked at a little town
called Tilsonburg
and I worked at
the Shopper's Drug Mart
in the mall.
For some reason,
I thought you said
Mark's Work Warehouse.
I did that too.
I'll throw his little boots at him. And she used to come in and she's buying a thought you said Mark's Work Warehouse. I did that too. I'll throw his little boots and drug.
And she used to come in.
She's like a douche.
Made a plan.
Flannel douche.
Like the flavors.
There were flavors. There were different kinds.
And she used to buy pina.
What are they doing? One for you, one for me?
Pina colada.
Maybe that's what you were smelling on the plane
your douche is very strong the douche is strong with this one yeah
i like pina colada getting cut in the ring what about you now you can have both
oh my god um and then the last one.
Now, this is nice because everything kind of folds in on itself with this overheard.
This is from Kyle R.
I overheard this from a group of girls walking the streets of Brooklyn last week.
Girl, so my jeans were so tight he couldn't get them off.
I told the guy I was wearing my chest-ity pants.
She then either heard me laugh or saw me give her a look
because she then said,
great, now I'm going to be on that one show
with the overheard segment.
Awesome, awesome.
Oh, I love that.
So hi to that girl, I guess,
is what it says.
Hello, girl.
Fantastic.
What if they ended up getting married?
Are you kidding me?
That's what your show does.
It does bring people together.
That one show.
Now, if you would like to write us with your overheards,
our email address is
stoppodcastingyourselfatgmail.com
and we also have some phone calls.
And if you want to call us, it's
206-339-8328.
Like these people have.
I love it. Now, we haven't recorded in a few weeks. Plus, it's 206-339-8328. Like these people have. Exactly.
I love it.
Now, we haven't recorded in a few weeks.
Yes.
And we have a ton of overheards that I haven't even listened to yet.
I have literally, I think, about 75 more that I haven't even got to.
Oh, I'm excited.
And so these are all actually, we thought we would have to record another extra episode before you left.
So these are all from before you even left.
So there's a real...
In the lead up to 420.
Okay.
Okay, go.
Hey, David Graham.
It's your pal, Brian Heater from New York City calling with an overheard.
I was at a rock show the other night, and the band that I
went to see, it was actually their third night playing at the same venue, and the same band had
opened up for them all three nights. And there was a bouncer by the side of the stage, and he was
dancing really enthusiastically to the opening band. and when their first song ended, he shouted,
You guys are really growing on me.
Good night.
Worst rock chant ever.
Best wishes.
That is.
We've become accustomed to your face.
Good night.
I don't hate
you anymore.
Wow.
That's great.
You're really
growing on me.
That's a good one.
I like that.
Hello to
Brian Heater.
Yay, good work,
Brian.
Brian Heater.
At B Heater
on Twitter.
Yes, that's
right.
Yeah.
Very funny
tweets.
Yeah. If you're looking to tweets. We've been on his podcast
called Paying Your
Dues. Yes.
And he also has a really cool blog
that he updates. He put
my beard paintings on his blog.
Oh, cool.
Alright, next.
Hi, I'm Graham, and I'm going to guess no guests.
This is Jordan from Chicago with an overheard.
We're at Subway.
The guy in front of me is finishing up his sandwich order.
He's about to check out, and he says,
can I get one macadamia nut cookie?
Make that two.
Plus, I already ate one.
So that's three macadamia nut cookies in total.
That's one of those nights, man.
That's fun. Yeah, it's fun. That's one of those nightmares. That's fun.
Yeah, that's fun.
That's really good.
So just to bring you
up to speed,
that's three.
But I like the honesty
of that too.
To actually,
okay, I ate one.
I'm not going to
hide you.
How did he grab one
out of the little container?
That's the question.
Yeah.
Everything's very
fenced off.
It is. It's all behind glass. Maybe there's like a difference maybe we live in like a uh a police
state subway exactly maybe there's a hippie subway somewhere here's the thing this is a challenge
somebody said to me this was about a month ago somebody said see if you can do it uh and i i
can't see if you can go to subway order sandwich, like do the entire procedure without saying the word um.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, yeah.
No, I have that problem with ordering food from a waitress or from a McDonald's.
But see if you can do it at Subway.
I went to Subway like eight times.
No, it's my first word every time.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
But everybody will go um at some point.
I was listening to people in front of me.
They all say, um, it's almost impossible to go in there and order a sandwich.
I think I'm going to accept that challenge.
Are you really?
I think I'm going to do it.
I'll try.
That's the greatest thing.
I doubt I can do it, but I'll try.
If you do it, let us know.
I will, please.
Nice.
We have one more.
Okay.
Hi, Dave and Graham and Grandpa.
Oh, hey. Okay. Hi, Dave and Graham and Grandpa. This is Julie from Northern California, and I have an overseen.
I was driving down the road, and there were two guys, scruffy backpackers hitchhiking,
and their sign said, won't fart.
See, I like someone with some good marketing skills.
Am I right? That's my personal guarantee.
That's what I look for.
And if he does, do you kick him out of the car?
Is that what happens?
You kick him out of the car whether he
made the promise or not.
I didn't put it in writing, though.
Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker?
Goodness, no. Yes, I have.
I have, yeah.
You seem like you would, though. You're a real hobo hitchhiker? Goodness, no. Yes, I have. I have, yeah. No, I have not.
You seem like you would, though, Ben.
You're a real hobo.
No offense to you, Dave, but I thought Graham was picked up a hitchhiker.
Yeah, I picked up a hitchhiker, too.
The last time I ever did it was many, many years ago, because I don't have a car, so
it makes it increasingly harder.
You picked them up at the bar.
Yeah.
Just walk up to the side of the road. You want to walk together? Yeah. All right, I'll give you a piggyback at the bar yeah just put it up walk up to the side of the road
you want to walk together
yeah
all right I'll give you a piggyback
for the next time
nice looking thumb
you know where you can put that
it was the classic
there was a lady
whose car had overheated
and so I drove her
to the next gas station
to get a coolant
and drove her back
well that's like you're a hero in that situation.
A little bit, but also I was like, this seems like the classic setup where there would be
a girl like, kind of like, oh, my car's overheating, and then a guy comes up and just stabs me in
the face.
See, I have to say, I am, I watch far too much television, and I always just assume
the worst case scenario.
I really do.
I think that the thing, like, if you're driving, if you're the one driving and you pick up a hitchhiker,
the odds of that going sideways is pretty low versus the opposite.
Like, if you're hitchhiking, your odds of vanishing forever are, like, 90%.
Have you ever hitchhiked?
Yes.
How many times?
Many.
I'm assuming a long time ago though
like not in the last 10 years yes in the last 10 years yeah wow and uh but the last time that i
like officially hitchhiked was when i was living here and the bus uh transport all went on strike
for months and so i hitchhiked all over the city i catch rides because i lived up by the university
but i went to school downtown so i hitchhiked almost over the city. I catch rides because I lived up by the university, but I went to school downtown.
So I hitchhiked almost every day.
I just remembered I accidentally picked up a hitchhiker once.
Accidentally.
I was going, maybe you have told this story on the show before, where I was driving to
Burnaby to Metrotown when I used to intern at this TV show, Urban Rush.
Feel the rush.
Yeah.
And I was right at the border of Vancouver and Burnaby.
And a woman, this Asian woman, she looked like she was dressed up from the night before.
She knocked on my window.
For some reason, I forgot how to open the window.
And I opened the door.
for some reason I forgot how to open the window.
And I opened the door.
And so, like, I had a total brain fart, as they call it,
in a contemporary office.
That's what that hitchhiker would say.
That was actually a brain fart you're smelling.
And she just gets in the car.
She doesn't speak much English.
She just wants to go exactly where I'm going.
And I just have the radio on and we're driving in silence because I did not expect to pick up this woman who might be a prostitute.
I don't know.
Oh, my gosh.
And I'm driving along and she changes the channel on the radio presumptuous yeah wow yeah the one time there was
one time and as soon as she said oh you can let me off anywhere boom you're out i was picked up
one time by a lady who when i got in she said and she's super like probably in the front seat of the
back seat front seat nice yeah and uh she was very polite but she said uh and she's super, like, probably one of the- Did you get to the front seat or the back seat? Front seat. Nice. Yeah. And she was very polite, but she said, and, like, she kind of said it, and I hope you
don't take this the wrong way.
Literally no other way to take it.
Can you keep your hands on the dashboard the whole time?
So, like, you're not doing anything weird.
So, I was like, you literally should not pick up his hand.
You know, this is-
You are terrified of this whole process.
Then, yeah, why are you doing it?
Like, is it like- I don't know why she did,
and she was terrified the whole time I was in the car.
Or she's one of those ladies that's trying to do something
that scares you every day.
Not terrifies you.
We just mean like, you know,
talk to a guy.
Not pick up some crazy hitchhiker.
Try a different bus route.
You're talking about yourself.
But to her, I know.
But like to her, I must have looked insane.
So much so that she's like, hands on the dash.
Yeah, that's weird.
There's no reason for her to be doing, picking up the hitchhiker.
Like if you can't even just trust that a person's going to sit beside you, this is not for you.
Just in sheet white terror the whole time.
Just like, oh boy.
Nice.
Oprah.
I once, not really a hitchhikingiking story but when I first moved to Toronto
my mom and dad
you know every once in a while
would come up and visit
and I remember once
my father was finding
somewhere to park
and he came up
back to the apartment
and he was so upset
he was sweating
he was wiping his face
with his hanky
you know he was all
I need water
and I was like
what just happened dad
what happened
and that he was
you know turning a corner
and at the time
I lived at Church and Carlton
in Toronto which is quite notorious for hookers it just is and even like
even during the day and uh my dad was turning a corner and a woman really they're the busy ones
they make the money they uh uh my a woman that kind of leaned into the car and my father being
a good christian man assumed that she needed help. So he pulled over and he rolled down
the window and she
made to go and to get into the car.
And she was like, oh, great. And my
father panicked like nothing else.
He was so upset. Like he had to
lie down. He had to have an aspirin.
He was like, a girl tried to
get into the car. I was like, a girl tried to get into the car.
A woman, a lady of the evening tried to
get into the car. A lady of, a girl tried to get into the car. A woman, a lady of the evening tried to get into the car. A lady of the afternoon.
A lady of the 335 PM
tried to get into the car.
He was so upset.
Oh, man.
It was sweet, though.
You know what I mean?
It's like,
it's okay, Dad.
You're going to be okay.
The thing about hitchhikers
in general...
Hitchhookers?
Hitchhookers.
Day hookers.
Is they're not that great at conversation.
That's the thing.
The one thing that they should be able to do...
Is chat it up.
And they usually can't unless you want to talk about their travels.
Or the last person they murdered.
I bet you'll never find them.
See if you can guess.
If you guess, I'll tell you.
Guess how I did it.
It was in his car.
You're right.
But see, the archetypal hitchhike story for me growing up,
then I disregarded because I was like,
oh, I would just hit him in the face and just run out,
much like Wheels did on Degrassi.
He went hitchhiking, do you remember?
And then the guy
pulled off the side of the road and then touched his thigh big deal right you get a free ride
right like that's the things wheel didn't know the rules yeah yeah you're gonna gas or grass
right no but thigh is fine yeah that's not over the pants over the pants come on thigh fries or
pies jar no one writes for free. Fries or pies, no one writes for free.
We would be hilarious in England.
Are you kidding me?
We'd blow up over there.
Well, so we're at the end of the show.
Like we said, if you want to send in overheards,
you can send them either via phone, 206-339-8328 if you
want to send your dreams to be analyzed oh yeah that was another thing is that i didn't get to
say because we're backing up episodes is uh if anybody i had a crazy crazy dream and i was telling
it to a friend and then i realized like you know it's like super boring when you're telling your
friend the dream because you it sounds so good in your brain yeah but you're like because it was
exciting at the time yeah yeah save your friends the trouble and relate your crazy dreams to us, and Dave and I will interpret
them for you.
Oh.
And then you don't have to tell your boring dreams to your friends.
Also, another public service we offer, if you get drunk and you feel like you want to
drunk dial a past ex or whatever, don't.
Drunk dial us.
Oh, nice.
We've been getting a lot of drunk dials from the same guy.
It kind of bums me out.
Not me.
Makes me happy.
206-339-8328.
Awesome.
Debra, if anyone wants to
catch up with you on the internet,
how would they do that?
Yes.
It's always just my name.
I'm Debra DiGiovanni.
On Twitter, I'm at
Debra DiGiovanni.
And Debra DG is the website
that will lead you to everything.
And do you have any gigs in the upcoming weeks that will lead you to everything and do you have
any gigs
in the upcoming
weeks that you
would like to go
right now
I'm kind of
a lot of private
kind of stuff
so I can't
really
I'm doing the
Cottage Festival
up in the
Muskokas in Ontario
at the end of June
at the end of June
yeah and then
I'm doing the
CottageFestival.com
I believe it is
yeah I believe it is
and then I'm going to be doing hopefully my people in Toronto will support me the Panasonic. Is it cottagefestival.com? I believe it is. Yeah, I believe it is. And then I'm going to be doing, hopefully, my people in Toronto will support me, the
Panasonic Theater in November.
So that'll be nice.
That's a big theater.
Yeah, we're going to take it up.
Because I don't really have a club, right?
So I'm going to try that out and see what the people.
I think it's like 800 seats.
800 seats for Debra DiGiovanni.
Oh, come on.
It'll be fine.
What's the date?
November 13th.
It's a Sunday.
We'll find a way to replug that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
Thank you so much for being our guest.
Thank you. Always lovely seeing you guys. Really fun.
Thanks so much.
Thanks everybody for listening. If you enjoy the show,
please do tell your friends and come on
back next week for another
420 episode of stop podcasting yourself