Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 17 - Olivia Mowatt

Episode Date: June 25, 2008

Journalist Olivia Mowatt checks in to school us in broadcast standards and Dave watches kids lap dancing.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hey everybody and welcome to number 17 in a series of hilarious podcasts. Are hilarious? Did I not just say? What? Oh, did I mispronounce it? It's hilarious. Are all 1,200 going to be hilarious? I don't see why not, unless you're going to start dropping the ball. Maybe we evolve.

Oh, into not hilariousness? I doubt it. Hi, my name's Graham Clark, and my hilarious co-host? Are you or are you not hilarious? I don't know if I want to be your co-host anymore. Ouch. Come on. Don't Kathy Lee it on me. Not now.

Not this early in the podcast. Hi, Dave. Hi, I'm Dave. Hi, Dave. now not this early in the podcast hi dave hi i'm dave hi dave and joining us uh today our guest uh what how how do we say we're gonna journalist i'm a journalist you're a journalist already already well you weren't touching it i'm giving her a signal to say to talk into the mic oh see that signal no I'm a journalist. Yeah, sure. Journalist. And is there any other credit I should apply to that?

Just journalist. I'm a journalist, but I represent myself in a certain way. Okay. Okay, are you ready? Yeah. I'm going to drop a bomb. I'm on the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council. No, you're not. I am.

I am the youngest member in Canada. Wow. And our guest, we haven't even got this far, Olivia Mullet. Olivia Mullet. That's my name. What do you do on the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council? Yeah, we... Let's jump right in.

Let's jump right in. Get to know us. Tell us about the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council. This won't be boring, will it? No. It's pretty... I mean, I'll sum it up. A lot of people don't understand

because all we hear about is the FCC in America making all kinds of crazy rules trying to stop people from doing what they want on the telly. That's how Americans sound. Whereas here in Canada,

we don't mind the swears. We don't mind the boobies. We don't even mind the dicks. but it has to be after a certain point. At the watershed hour? The watershed hour, correct, sir. What hour is the watershed hour? Nine o'clock. Nine o'clock.

After nine o'clock, you can have boobies and dicks and swears. You just got to warn us that it's coming. And as long as it's not... How do you do that? Foreshadowing? foreshadowing there as long as it's not um oppressive or that offensive um i mean there's there's limitations on what you can do but basically my job i sit on a panel a couple of panels actually and um viewers or listeners will complain about content that they hear or see on tv or radio and then write a letter to the council.

And then we decide if there's been a mistake. Who has that kind of time to write a letter? The person who got the Power Rangers canceled. You'd be surprised. What? What does that mean? Is that a thing? Is that a true story?

Yeah, the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers in the 90s, it was one letter, I think, because I think we both had the same speaker at BCIT who told us about... Ron Cohen, great man. Chairman of the Casting Standards Council. Okay. So you know him personally now. Ron and I are quite close.

Ron took a shining to me. For whatever reason, I... Like a shining in a good way, not like the shining. No, no, yes. In a good way. I guess only because I'm like the only person under 30 that's probably shown any interest in what they do. And he was really happy to involve me because I kind of said to him, hey, you talk about social diversity, ethnic diversity on panels,

but there's nobody who's part of the major target demographic of broadcasters, which is me. That's you. Yeah, 18 to 35, right? Here's the thing now. Let's back it up a second to the Power Rangers situation. What happened? I think... Gratuitous violence.

Gratuitous violence. It wasn't appropriate for children. It was on YTV, the youth television channel. And someone put an end to it. One person wrote one letter. Now, is that right? That one person can write one letter, and then all of a sudden... But the board agreed and evaluated, I guess.

The nice thing about it is we can't decide what goes on and off. The viewers decide. I mean, obviously, there was some grounds to that claim. viewers decide i mean obviously that there was some grounds to that claim so so what uh not you know without naming specifics have you been on the board when they've taken something off the air because of well usually what happens is some we have to make the broadcaster apologize it depends on what's happened apologize how to who to the the listeners They say, usually it's like the station manager Will come on the air As an example and say

On this date we Whatever FM Violated the code of ethics of the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council In the following ways We apologize, blah blah blah We make them run it a certain number of times And their peak listening hours I've never

heard anything it's not it's not like we we like shut them down or anything that's sort of the crtc's job we just shame them but that's the the because i've never heard an apology issued for anything like i mean maybe i'm just not listening it's so rare is this radio so rare radio and tv you've probably seen or heard the ads of we're a member member of the Canadian Podcast. Yeah, I've seen that. I taped them and then I watched them again. Yeah. I have them on. It's riveting. You've got it on PVR. Yeah. I think the apologies are usually directed

at crybabies. They usually say, hey fucking crybabies, you happy now? You just ruined an awesome thing. Graham and I are actually on the Canadian Podcast Standards Council, which, funnily enough Could soon be under my jurisdiction as well Well we have one station

We would like to issue a complaint against Or one podcast And they're called Exploding Sandwich And I don't like what they're doing It's mean spirited It's grotesque It's racist They haven't even heard that we badmouthed them yet

because those episodes haven't aired as of today. I don't know, but I would look into it. Yeah, I think they might be. I was invited to the Facebook group, and I didn't join. Good. Yeah. I wasn't invited. The name didn't do it for me.

It didn't do it. I didn't go with it. Really? I like sandwiches. So do I, and I like explosions. But here's the thing. This isn't the 60s, and you can't just name your podcast I didn't go with it. Really? Yeah. I like sandwiches. So do I. And I like explosions. But here's the thing. This isn't the 60s, and you can't just name your podcast Strawberry Alarm Clock. Right.

Which we've already established is wrong. But there is actually another podcast that I started listening to that just came out of the woodwork. Sean Stewart? Is it the Fel Stewart Solar Sorb? I've heard it. I have no problems with them. I have no problems with them. My beef is with you,

Exploding Sandwich. What do they do so bad? You know what? Okay, you don't have to explain. I'll find out on my own. That's why I'm a journalist. That's what they want you to do. Don't download it. Don't download it and listen to it. Let's just say murder. Yeah. Don't download it. Don't download it and listen to it. Let's just say murder.

Yeah. Genocide. Racism. Yeah. Shintoism. We don't tolerate those things on the CBSC.

Really? Even shows about them? Shows about them as long as it's, you know. As long as there's boobs and swears. Boobs and swears. I dig it. long as there's boobs and boobs boobs and swears

Canadian boobs and swears commission is that what it stands for um so what's uh we usually don't get to know so you just kind of but what's been going on with you recently anything exciting any big events well... You just moved into a place. I just moved into a new home. I've been nesting up a storm. Is it you and a roommate? My roommate, Kinga. I'm not even going to try to pronounce her last name because it is complicated and Polish.

Oh, it's Polish. Kinga's Polish. Kinga, like, Zook, at the end. I don't know how to pronounce it. That's a good nickname. My family couldn't remember her name for the longest time, so they called her Ringo. Your family is ignorant. Kinga.

Kinga. I like it. Isn't it cute? Wasn't that the name of the lion? I think it's really cute. It reminds me of, because in Calgary there used to be a thing on TV called Kingo Bingo, and that's what it makes me think of. I'm sure Kinga has nothing to do with it, but it's...

I think it's regal, but adorable. Yeah, Kinga. What does Kinga do? What's her situation in life? Kinga has a degree in biology. She wants to become a nurse, and at the moment she's a server at a couple different places,

and she's going to school. God bless anybody who wants to become a nurse. That's what I say. Yeah. More of that... Like, oh, bring on the blood, less exploding sandwiches and poop and totally functions yeah those yeah if i had a stronger stomach i think

i would be doing something important like that when i moved in i told her that now i have someone to change my diaper so well that's good oh i didn't know that you know that's like i'm looking to the future like hoping that she and I will stay together in the old age as spinsters. Hey, do you know, I just learned that the other day, you know where that phrase comes from, the spinsters? No. Spinsters, do you know?

Spiders spinning a web? I don't know. No, it's literally, that's what you would call the old gals that would spin wool into thread. They were called spinsters. That's like when all their other friends were out on dates with their dudes. They'd be spinning yarn. They'd be spinning yarn. I learned that on an episode.

I think it was a rerun episode of Reading Rainbow because it was LeVar Burton dressed up and the spinster was letting him that was just on the other day i love not going to work because uh it opens up a whole other world of television that i forgot was there you know the great thing about being a journalist is you can watch that tv at work that is work i know i was at one point going to be a journalist, but then I realized I have no aptitude for it. Or taking things seriously at all. It's a problem. For a journalist. For a journalist.

That's why I'm a jackass instead. Dave, what's going on with you? Big news this week. I can't wait to hear it. I went to go see a concert. Not just any concert. No. A concert you've been souped up.

Was there something in your blouse that made him feel so aroused? I went to go see Kanye West's Glow in the Dark tour featuring Lupe Fiasco, N.E.R.D. and Rihanna. She's got a beautiful skin.

She does have beautiful skin. You can tell from that far away. Well, they had big screens. But we got there a little bit late, so we didn't see much of Lupe Fiasco. But N.E.R.D. was very good and very high energy. And they brought these girls on stage to dance. Yes. Just from the audience and uh one of them pioneered by bruce maystein one of them fell head first into the orchestra

she's got a story i guess forever i guess so but and a brain injury yeah a story that starts with why is your head tilted in that weird direction? Well, but that was great. But she got back up and kept going. She kept dancing? Yeah. Good for her. I guess out of embarrassment, you just got to persevere.

That's what I always taught myself. At least don't stop the music. I guess the orchestra didn't glow in the dark. Well done. It was bad. No, I know it was bad, but it was a pro guess the orchestra didn't glow in the dark. Well done. No, I know it was bad. The orchestra wasn't there yet. Kanye has an orchestra.

Well, not an orchestra. He has a band, but they're in an orchestra pit. All the other acts had to have their bands on stage. But Kanye was the only thing on stage for his whole 90 minutes. That's the way... Yeah. I can picture that. He didn't have any, like, dancing or anything? No, no. Just him.

No dancers, except at the very end, Lupe Fiasco came in and did his verse on Touch the Sky. Ah, yes. See? That sounds like it was a really good concert. Mm-hmm. You enjoyed it. But. But.

No, there's no but, really. Well, that's what you just said. Right. But there were these girls and boys in the row in front of us there were these teenagers and they were like 15 actually they were 16 uh because i know for sure because uh one of the guys behind us during one of the intermissions between acts uh walked up to them and was like hey my buddy and i have a bet uh how old are you girls he says you're like our age but uh i think you're like 15 and they said

they were 16 so that's always a good line with girls my buddy and i have a bet also i think that if a girl isn't that the thing isn't if girl, you ask a girl her age and then she, like if she's younger, she's adding years, but then if she's older, she's subtracting. Is that wrong? So if I said they're 16,

they're probably 14. 14. Because that's probably what I would have done at 14. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I assume. You know, John Mayer had a trick. That was his thing

because he would always have girls after shows, coming up to them and asking their age or what year you're born. They could memorize that. So he would say, what's the first movie you ever saw in the theater? And you can't answer that question quick enough.

You can't backdate a film that quick. So that's how we would know not to land himself in. I'm a nerd, so I could lie the shit out of that. Yeah, and Graham is a nerd because he knows a lot about John Mayer. Yeah. His body's a wonderland. Hey, man. He's doing Aniston right now.

Yeah, good for him. But he was also doing Jessica Simpson for a while, which is... He seems like he's the type of guy that should be going out with a girl that works at a record store. But he seems to be using his Hollywood clout. I believe. To get some Hollywood clout. I believe. To get some Hollywood clout. What I've heard is he's packing.

That's what I read on the internet too. He's got where it counts. I gotcha. So his body is a wonderland. I gotcha. John Mayer power.

John Mayer power. But the greatest thing happened with these teenagers. They had about eight seats, but there were like 15 of them. They just invited their friends over to their seats. And so there was like a party going on in the row in front of us. And there was drama. Oh, no.

There was... Everyone was grinding. Oh, no. There was... Everyone was grinding up against each other, which I never did in high school or after high school. You're missing out, Dave. You know what it is? It's good clean fun. No, I mean, unless you're doing it naked, then it's good clean fun, right?

Cloth on cloth. Who's going to get hurt? But it's in public, and everyone can see you. That's where you want it. naked, then it's good, clean fun. Right? Cloth on cloth. Who's going to get hurt? But it's in public and everyone can see you. That's where you want it. That's where it counts. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Well, there was this one guy who had this hat that said,

King of the Hood. And at the beginning of Rihanna's set, he made out with one of the girls. Nice. Picturing in his head Rihanna the whole time. Presumably. I made a bet with Abby that by the end of the show, he would have made out with other girls. And she was like, nah, these two are together. Abby's a romantic, right?

Yeah. Yeah. But this guy's the king of the hood. Yeah, no, he's got to get around to all the subjects. Yeah. And then I thought I had lost the bet because by the end of Rihanna's set, he gave this girl a lap dance. He gave her a lap dance. Wow, that's unsexy.

Yeah. Because guys can't do that. He did this move. Well, he sat her down in a chair. Any guys out there listening. And kind of ground up on her. And then he did this move where he, I guess, licked from about her hip all the way up to her neck. On her clothes?

Yeah, on her clothes. Ooh, that's gross. That's dry mouth right there. Yeah. That's gross. Well, he's the king of the hood, he he's a young king he doesn't have it all figured out yet uh wow and then grinding's one thing and then she reciprocated by giving him a lap dance but like face like i don't know how lap dances are done i've never had one you've never

had a lap dance no sir really all right we're going to Cecil tonight. It's really... Well, anyways, go on. We'll get back to this. The chair was really awkward and there were armrests. Oh, lap dances are always awkward. Yes. I would have thought the best way for her to give him a lap dance was with her back to him. But she didn't.

She did it face to face and everyone all around us was watching. And her dress was riding up. And her knees were getting all banged up against the armrest. And it just looked really uncomfortable. And so after Rihanna's set, they left. And Abby and I presumed that they were going to get married.

But during Kanye West's set, she came back. She looked really rough. Oh, also, they had been drinking. Sure. They looked way too young to be getting beers, but they came back with the GM type beers. It doesn't matter. It becomes a free-for-all. And I learned that when I was a youngster at concerts.

And so they came back during Kanye West's set, and this girl was looking really rough, and the guy was totally giving other girls back rubs and stuff. And by the end, he made out with another girl. Nice. So I won the bet. And then he made out with another girl and tried to do that same move where he licked from her hip to her neck,

and she totally just pushed him back. Uh-uh. Would you think it would be the opposite? Like, the first try would have ended badly because they hadn't had enough alcohol yet. That's right, yeah. Reverse. Sorry, King of the Hood.

Oh, but then they... Sorry, King of the Hood. No disrespect, Your Honor. Right before Kanye West... Your Highness. Your Highness. Right before Kanye's set, they cut off all the alcohol service in the building.

So no one else had any more drinks during his set. So maybe that's why she called him off. She's like, I'm not drunk enough. Wow. Guys can't do... Well, let's go to that for a second. Lap dances. A, guys can't do well let's go to let's go to that for a second lap dances eight guys can't do them unless you're like a fucking australian that works out all the time right you know like that guy maybe if you're king of the hood or manpower australia which was a

strip show you could put a picture of them they They're hysterical. The Thunder Down Under. You know. I know. Yeah, yeah. Unpower Australia. They can do lap dances. Average dudes cannot. And girls, when they do the lap dance, it's usually face-to-face. Oh, really? Yeah, it's not back-to-face. But they can move around, probably.

Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. They probably have more room than this girl had. Yeah. And more experience. In the two-foot aisle. Yeah, and usually you're on a chair that doesn't have this girl had. Yeah. And more experience. In the two-foot aisle. Yeah, and usually you're on a chair that doesn't have armrests. Yeah. But a lot of times you wish that there were, because it is awkward. Lap dances are awkward for everyone involved.

I don't know why they're such a big thing at strip clubs, but there you go. What do they cost? There you go. What do they cost? I never paid for one, but I've had many people that I've gone to strip clubs buy me one. Many? Yeah, no, I mean, like, I'm not a frequenter of strip clubs. They find them, in general, to be pretty depressing,

except in Montreal, where it's like carnival. Super sex? Is Bon on there? Is Bon on there? Bon-om is a drunk, and I try and stay away from him. He's always in his own booth in the back. Bon-om carnival? Bon-om carnival. Big tipper.

Big tipper. I like his... It's because he gets you all wet, so it feels bad. He's all melty. Not in the good wet. Like a damp wet, and then you're in Montreal and it's cold and you're walking home

and your butt freezes my aunt told me this is a funny story it was her 60th birthday the other day we were just sort of reminiscing and she was telling us

about what it was like growing up in Montreal as a kid because my grandparents lived there for a while and she said that every day she would skate home like on the sidewalk

yeah skate and would pee her pants every day why because like she said it would be so cold that she couldn't even feel like her bladder and that like that would just happen she wasn't like a little little kid she's little i mean she was under 10 but like she said she was why the friends smell like that maybe she said it kept her warm, though, so maybe that's like... Temporarily. Yeah. But then you've got a whole wet situation and a cold situation. Cold front, wet front.

That's a lot to cope with. That's a lot to cope with. Yikes-a-daisy. When's the last time you peed your pants? I don't know. Like, childhood, for sure. Yeah, me too. I don't know. That's like childhood for sure. Yeah, me too. I don't know.

That's not like a thing. I've had a couple close calls when I've been far away from a bathroom and I'm doing the thing where I've got like four blocks left and I don't want to pee in somebody's backyard. But no, it's never – I've never – yeah. I think you have to be either phenomenally drunk or like somebody has to knock you out or something or you just see something really scary all those things I would pee my pants for that's fine

have you ever put someone's hand in warm water yeah does it work? no they have to have a full bladder too it's really hard to put somebody's hand in anything without them waking up. Like, it's not a cartoon where you're trying to get a key off of them, a chain on their neck.

It's a magnet. Yeah, exactly, or a broomstick. It's not like that. You know, people always wake up and they're like, what are you doing? And you're like, nothing. You've got a bowl of steaming water. Nothing. I didn't get the prank.

I put your hand in mayonnaise. Wait, I put your hand in urine. What is that? Is that the way it's supposed to go? I beat all over your hand. Hey, Graham. What's up, buddy? What happened to you this week?

Oh, all sorts of things. But really, I just came back from Kamloops, British Columbia today, like an hour before this podcast. I can canoe to Kamloops. What's that? Nothing. I don't understand that. Is that a thing? It's a thing from a thing. Childhood thing. Okay, well time and place, I guess. Yeah, I guess.

We went up there to do a show on the night of one of the Stanley Cup final games. Oh, good. Which is good. That's great, because it was a sports bar and, you know, usually people come to sports bars to see live entertainment, especially around the Stanley Cup finals, right?

So we're in the clear there. Yeah. And myself and Tim Reichert was the other one on the show, and we got to the hotel. First of all, they called us and told us the hotel that we were staying at wasn't the hotel we were staying at. And then we got to the hotel first of all they called us and told us the hotel that we're staying at wasn't the hotel we were staying at and then we got to the hotel and they said okay um and we both put our credit cards down on the on the desk for your and she said oh no we only

need one because there's only one room and i'm like uh okay we're not uh martin and lewis like we don't travel together all the time like we're two guys that know each other fairly peripherally. We're not. And she's like, every other room in the hotel is sold out because people's grad weekend, right? And there was a hockey tournament going on in town. So there was only one room, so we had to share it. One room at the inn. One room at the inn, right across from the ice machine,

which surprisingly was busy the whole night by drunk graduates. And yeah, so we got to share a room and do a show at the Thirsty Dog sports bar in Kamloops, BG, which the show was not actually, it wasn't bad. It was actually quite a good show. which the show was not actually, it wasn't bad. It was actually quite a good show. And they gave us our own private room to hang out in before the show. It was kind of like the VIP room with these leather couches and stuff. Could you have slept in it? I thought about it.

Also, at one point, Tim Breitkert said, if you can, try to go home with a girl so that I can have the room to myself. Because he's married. So he was trying to put the duty on me. But the only girls we were hit on by were in their 40s. Okay. Hey. Don't discriminate.

No problems. I didn't. But I... But your wang does. Yeah, well, they... No, they were more hitting on him than they were on me the only actually the only person that was very eager to talk to me after the show was a gentleman who owned a comic book store and we talked about comic books that's generally the

run of my comedy career there's a lot of comics get off stage and then some girl wants to talk to him generally if there's a guy in town that's got an awesome figurine collection, he's the guy that wants to come up and talk to me after the show, which is great because I love figurines. So it was a good show. It was. It was a fine show because the hockey didn't go long.

And it was alright. It was fine. I did a weekend last year in Kelowna where the Friday night was a hockey game on the West Coast. So it went until 10. And the show had to start a little bit late because of it. The following night, UFC. Oh, yeah.

UFC really brings in the... I appeal to the UFC crowd. You do. I like your whole bit about Tito Ortiz. He's got like a five-minute chunk on Tito Ortiz. It kills. I usually pronounce it Ortiz. Well, that's why you're the hit with them, and I'm not,

because I call him Ortiz. I don't know. So, yeah, now we get to know everybody. It's all in the open. Right along to... Oh, I also wanted to say... Oh, Sakutomi! Because on the last episode, we were talking to Alicia about her pet crow.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And how you saw a crow eat a rat. Eat a rat? Eat, like, a live rat? Well, it was live at one point. But I saw him fly with it and then land and eviscerate it right in front of my face. The other day I was walking down the street and there was a crow and a mouse. Conspiring.

The mouse was on its last legs. It obviously had some kind of internal injury and the crow was just kind of toying with it. Oh, come on, crows. On the sidewalk. And the crow, like, the mouse had a couple minutes to live, and the crow was just... Fucking with it? Sort of. I don't like crows anymore.

And I was watching it as I walked past it. I gave it a wide berth, and then I got to the corner and there was a cyclist looking back at it. And then, so we were both looking at the same thing. And then we both looked at each other. And usually when two people look at each other, you usually have the same expression on your face. But we did not. He was shaking his head like, oh, it's too bad. And I was kind of smiling like,

boys will be boys. Wow. Because, yeah, I think I've seen enough incidents of crows being jerks in the last one. I saw a crow's dive bomb a guy just like last week. So I think I'm done with crows.

That's it. Next topic, overheard. You betcha, buddy. Overheard. Overheard. All right. Let's throw it over to our guest, Olivia, to start off with the overheards. You know how this goes.

I understand how it goes. Yeah. So you got one? Let's do it. Yeah. Now, I won't say any names i have interned yeah okay at a um large news station and um there was one one time that i i was sitting at my desk quietly as the intern slash researcher tends to do avoid talking to people yeah diligent that's my work um and uh a friend

of mine who's a reporter had just come back from uh matt leave and she was sort of short for maternity leave right she was reacquainting herself because they changed their system and she's sort of learning how to use the new computer and the new editing and all that kind of stuff and so they kind of gave her a day to get back into the rigmarole. And this hot shot dude reporter, he's an okay reporter. He's okay. He's from a small town. He's from a small town.

Anyway, he comes in, and he has a desk that he always sits at, and he goes, what the fuck is this? Because I guess she'd sat down there. Well, and someone said, oh, it's hmms. The woman's? Yes. And he was like, he just sort of did like one look each way and then was like, well, fuck her. And like threw, picked up her bag and threw it to the other side of the room.

And like immediately logged off all the things she was on the computer nice um and uh made some remark about how she had been away for so long and what the hell is that about kids yeah it was like a year and um and then uh about 10 minutes later she came back in the room and oh hi how oh, hi, how you doing? Oh, hey, good to see you. It's great that you're back in the station. So I had the baby thing go. Oh, good. Sorry.

I'm so sorry. I got here, and I just had to sit down and send an email right away, so I just moved your stuff over. I looked around the whole building for you for about ten minutes. I couldn't find you. Wow. Hot shot liar. Yeah, and I, little did he know that I'm friends. Hates babies, hates pregnant ladies.

He's a liar. I'm friends with this woman. Anyway, that kind of soured my taste for him forever. No kidding. Me too. Not a fan. I also forgot to mention that we dressed Grandpa up like Kanye West. It looks good.

Yeah. I want to put a picture of that on the blog. Yeah. Do it. More Grandpa per blog equals higher ratings. Did he have the, like, liney glasses on? Yes. He had these ones.

And he had that in his polo shirt. Oh, my God. It is super duper cute. Well done. Graham, why don't you go? All right. I'll tell you what I overheard. We'll see if... I don't know if this... Well, we'll see how this one goes. Okay, go alright I'll tell you what I overheard we'll see if

I don't know if this well we'll see how this one goes there you go I'm talking about mine yeah thank you we'll see how this one goes no yours is gonna be fine I was walking my dog

his name is Grandpa we went to the pet food store the other day Tysall on 14th and Main they've got lots of pictures of people with their pets yep up in the window food store the other day. Tysall on 14th in Maine. They've got lots of pictures of people with their pets up in the window. And

I don't know. I'm not thrilled with that. The manager's great. I interviewed him once for a story. Last year when the conflict in the Middle East. The tainted food. And Palestine. He's an expert on Palestine. That would be the type of reporting I would do.

I would go and find the person least connected to the story to do an interview with them. Well, they sure throw a lot of rocks. Yeah, so we were walking there. And outside there was a man. And there was a woman giving money to a man. And this other woman came up and was like, do not give money to this man. He is a scoundrel. He has.

Why are you giving money? And she was giving him like a twenty dollar bill to why are you giving money to him? He has a house. He has clothes. He has a wife. He's it's a scam stop it and uh and then the guy was kind of giving her this like like come on don't don't don't blow this for me i got a wife and a kid in the house yeah don't blow this for me lady He was like in his mid 50's And She was like She told him get out of here

If I ever see you you're here everyday If I ever see you around here again I'm going to take you down And this woman was like my age Mid 20's Am I late 20's or mid 20's It's called late And she,

yeah, and the guy said, you wouldn't beat up an old man, would you? And she said, I would and I will. Wow. She's like, I can take you. And then, it turns out she was an employee of the pet store

and there were other people on the street who were like, what's going on? And she explained, she retold the whole story to them about how this guy's there every day and he always gets bills from old women that he manages to... What's his story? Did she tell the story?

No. Like what his scam is? No. What if it's like some crazy double level scam where she calls him out on the street? Wow. I'm going to beat the shit out of you. And then the other person is like, and then he'll go up to somebody. I don't know how the scam will work.

I'm just saying a lot of things that don't add up to anything. But imagine that she's in on the scam. It's Ocean's 12. It's Ocean's 14 coming up. But then, it turns out she worked at that pet store and I went into the pet store then and she told the story.

After telling the story to everyone on the street, she went in and told the story to each employee separately. Oh, yeah. You know that guy who's here every day and always does that scam? And everyone was like, no. She was the only one who noticed him. Then later you see her telling the story

to a cockatoo that's at the back of the store. You know who I'm talking about? And the cockatiel knew. I can only think of one. Obviously there's a lot of regulars on that strip, but I can only think of one person that stands at that corner, and it's Crazy Lady with the bad sun ice ski jacket. You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, I know her. She's real haggard looking. I don't like to think about what her life's been like, and she wears this green and pink and paisley jacket. There's a lot of haggard people that have an okay look. I don't think about a lot of people's lives. I guess I'm not empathetic. But she's mean.

God, do you have a quarter? That's the thing. No, I don't. If I was going to panhandle, and I don't plan on it, but I don't know if I would start as low as a quarter. Because then there's very little bargoon room to get in view with that.

Unless you're that woman on Robson who's, that's her shtick. I got an extra quarter. I need an extra quarter. 25 extra quarter 25 cents can you spend 25 with the long brown coat that looks like she's just kind of like a haggard anyway no but i i've only ever heard 25 cents for a phone call yeah i need 25 cents and she just stands there all day so think about how many quarters she must get it adds up because when you go to put a quarter in someone's cup and they go do you have anything more like a two knee or five and you're like there was uh on tuesday after the lamplighter uh there was a woman who came up to us you were there yeah and uh i gave her two dollars and phil gave her a maybe two dollars and she she asked us both if we had a little bit more because

she had like at each increment of money she's like, oh, I'm almost... Almost at the jackpot. Yeah, if you give me another dollar I can get this. She's doing like the

Chuck E. Cheese coupon thing like 10 more coupons and I can get a mini plastic canoe. But I kind of thought... She said she was from Montreal, and she was black. And she was doing the old-timey black face. Like, yassa, yassa. Really?

I didn't catch that at all. And I thought that was in poor taste. Seriously. But Phil ended up giving her a lot more money. And then you had to drive him home because he didn't have any cab money. That's ridiculous when you handicap yourself to accommodate a complete stranger that may or may not need your money. Which is that's, I mean, like, you know, if you saw somebody fall off their bike and then they were like, I got to get to the hospital. And you'd be like, okay, well, here's 10 bucks for a cab.

That's one thing. But just somebody who comes up, like you were saying, doing a poor Amos and Andy routine. I don't know if that's... You just offered up a whole new scam for that 55-year-old guy who's going to get killed by the Tysol lady. If he listens to this... Just ride up and fall off your bike all day. He rides up to the same corner. Oh, I thought he was going to do the Ted Danson blackface thing.

Mary Whoopi Goldberg. Now I'm in the monies. I don't know. Do I keep track? Hard to. He's with Mary Steenberg, and she's... Oh, MILF. You know what I'm talking about?

Is she really? I think she's pretty cute. That was MILF with a Y. MILF. MILF, you'd like to fuck. Yeah. Or mom, you'd like to... Mary Steenberg, and i never thought of her as a

milf but she's pretty cute man she's like she's like a like a rich man's andy mcdowell really a rich man's she's with ted danson is she not andy mcdowell's he's still getting the residual checks right she's got big what gums oh gums i said jams and i was like i don't know she's a nudist so all you'd have to do is is go stand in her lawn to find out. Is she a nude? Jams. My sister once... Jams?

Oh, for... Yeah, I've never heard that. My sister actually has used the word jammers before. Her university roommate went to high school with folk pop singer Jewel, and said something about Jewel resting her jammers on top of her guitar. Hey, Graham, you overhear anything? I sure did, but I was involved

directly with this overheard. It was this morning in Kamloops, and it was mostly we went, before we left the hotel, we went in the hotel restaurant for breakfast we were looking at the menu and it was

the Eggs Benedict had a quote next to it that said the best I've ever had Peter Dutton and so Tim Breitbart right away was like who the fuck is Peter Dutton?

And it was the only food item on the menu that had a quote next to it. So then when the waitress came over, we're like, who's Peter Dutton? And she said, he used to be the manager here. And he really liked the Betty. Well, at least he's impartial. I love Eggs Benedict. It's my favorite breakfast. Hands down.

But you can go... I used to have this idea of doing investigative journalism. A tour? Tour to Benny? It was going to be more sinister. More like, let's see who's doing it right and who's doing it wrong. Here's the thing. When you have an Eggs Benedict, the English muffin, what do you have to do to that English muffin to make it work?

Toast it? It's got to be toasted. Lightly toasted, not burnt toast. Everyone wasn't toasted, and that's always the crucial mistake. Forget it. Speaking of disgusting bottom layers of things, I had that Dairy Queen waffle bowl situation. Yeah? First of all.

Why can't they just put regular whipped cream on it? Well, let's back it up one step. I need to update me. What is this bowl? Okay. It's a sundae. In a waffle bowl. It's in a waffle bowl.

So the big attraction is, oh, I can eat the bowl. Right? Yeah. And then you eat the bowl. Okay, it's a sundae in a waffle bowl. It's in a waffle bowl. So the big attraction is, oh, I can eat the bowl. Right? Yeah, and then you eat the bowl. After my dirty clammy hands have been all over it. No, the trick is they put that bowl inside a plastic bowl. So that's ridiculous. So you could just... Your carbon footprint is still increasing. You could subtract because

the waffle bowl is stale and gross. Thank you. So you could have just put it in a plastic bowl and said, hey, sundae in a plastic bowl. Maybe you just got a bad batch. I doubt it. I don't think. I've had the bowl hasn't. I've had the bowl.

Was it crunchy? Crispy? I forget, but I didn't complain. My complaint was the fake whipped cream. Which DQ did you go to? The one on the way to Kamloops. Okay. See, I think probably.

Oh, that one. Okay, anyways. The one in Hope. I think the one on Main Street probably has a decent turnover in terms of Waffle Bowl, but maybe I'll try it. Yeah.

No, don't. Maybe I'll go to the gelato place, get my gelato, and then go and buy the bowl separately and just ask specifically for the bowl. But why are you going... What's with her bragging? I don't know.

Only that... Why would you go specifically against the warning like i just put the warning out there that it's a bad thing and you're like i'm gonna do it i need to know for myself yeah come on all right if i told you mount everest was really shitty would you not climb it yes okay now this is the thing and don't even you can tell me that it's awesome i will still not climb it that. That's how dedicated I am to not climbing. It seems easier to climb it these days.

I met a guy who climbed it. He came and spoke at our school, and his training was he used to go up skyscrapers and walk all the way to the top on the outside with suction cups, which is the only real way to prepare for a walk up Everest. But it's kind of like you go up there, but this is the thing that I didn't realize. Is it just a hike? You don't have to do any pickaxing? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course you do, but it's mostly most of it is hiking. And then there is some traversing up the mountain. But this is what I didn't realize, and of course it stands to reason, is there's these parts of Everest that are basically, at this point, like mini landfills that are just piles and piles of oxygen tanks. Dead bodies.

There's tons of dead bodies on Everest. Really? Yeah, because they can't bring them down. People that die up there just stay up there. But they freeze. They totally freeze. But I saw these photos of somebody that did an expedition up there. And there's all the way up the mountain, there's these huge piles of these oxygen tanks.

Because when you're done with them, you just throw them out. You don't bring them back down the mountain. So it's just garbage. And there's like bags of shit, right? I think the Nepalese government will get up on that. Yeah, because. Because, I mean, those oxygen tanks got to be worth money, right? Right.

Yeah, no, because when you bring them back, no, you bring them back for a refill. If you are on Everest and you break your leg and you're doomed, like no one's going to bring you back, you're going to freeze to death, what do you do?

Do you, like, you don't want to be just another dead body. What do you do to make it humorous? Oh, I'd get a tattoo artist up there. I would get something tattooed on my face for sure. I'd get a full

facial tat so whoever finds me later will do an anthropological study on my face. I would take my pants off first and foremost. First move. That's probably the last move also. Just take your pants off? Well, you know, the chances are...

I mean, if your leg's broken, it's going to hurt a lot, right? The chances are, if you had nice enough pants, one of the Sherpas would do that anyways upon finding your frozen corpse. I don't... And the thing is, too, right? And this is well known. If you die on Everest,

your ghost has to walk around Everest forever. That's... Right? That's not fun. That's a fact. That is a fact. That is a proven fact. Does your ghost have to haunt the place you died?

Like, can't your ghost haunt the place you were molested? The place you... Did most of your molesting. It goes both ways. Made a bad investments twice. The place that gave most of your molesting. It goes both ways. Made a bad investments choice. The place that gave you a shitty tip. But you made a bad investment. What's with fancy girl?

I like that you're haunting some bank. No, just the office of a money manager. Investment manager. Damn you, Edward Jones. Her paperclips keep moving from one part of the desk to the other. When he's playing Age of Empires, when he's supposed to be working, I'm constantly

changing what the peasants are doing. They're supposed to be planting, but why are they reaping? If you were going to be a ghost, where would you haunt? eBay. Internet ghosts. Mis haunt? eBay. What would be your haunt? I'd haunt all the people

who misrepresented themselves on eBay. Good call. And sent me tinier watches than I was expecting. Did that happen? I'll show you later.

Okay. I'd haunt, like, the aquarium or something cool. Because, like, I mean, I've always liked being there and to, like, live there. If you're a ghost,

do bubbles still come up to the surface if you're underwater? I know, but you could probably do cool things under the water. I would haunt something that's beloved. Are you like Hollow Man? But I think if you're, no matter where you go, you seem underwater because you're all floaty. Yeah.

You have the characteristics of being underwater without actually being underwater as a ghost. But here, okay, so You're a ghost, right? You're going to haunt people. You're going to be like a traveling ghost. You're going to be a ghost with a mission. You're going to be just an attraction host. Ghost. I don't have any...

Hopefully I won't die anytime soon, but I don't have any grudges right now. I have no reason. Not one uh have you seen the grudge like there's people that like if something bad happened to them i wouldn't be upset but it's not like i um usually anybody that like really makes me angry i tend to just feel bad for, I establish in my mind that they probably have a self-esteem issue. Again, I'm bragging away. But I don't know. What?

I don't know. A braggity brag, brag. I don't think you understand what bragging is. I don't have any self-esteem issues. That's why I'm bragging about it. Oh, okay. I don't know where I would haunt. But I would want to haunt someplace that people love so that I would ruin it. Yeah. Like somewhere that

people have really fond memories of. The P-N-E Superdog Show. Oh, haunt the Superdog Show. And then people are like, let's go to the Superdog Show. It's haunted. And then people have to spend a night at the Superdog Show to collect a million dollars of their eccentric uncle's will.

Not enough wills like that. That of their eccentric uncle's will. Not enough wills like that these days. That's going to be my will. P.S. You never finished your Dairy Queen What Goes Into That Sunday layer by layer. What's wrong with it? It's gross. End of story. Let's do Celebrity Crush Hat.

Celebrity Crush Hat. Crush in the hats. Celebrity Crush Hat. Go fuck yourself. Celebrity Crush Hat. Chapeau Chinois. Celebrity Crush Hat. Crush in the hats. Celebrity Crush Hat. Go fuck yourself. Celebrity Crush Hat. Chapeau Chinois. Celebrity Crush Hat. Crush Hat. Okay.

Celebrity Crush Hat. She has pulled a number. Twelve. Ooh. Ooh. I like it. Let me just think for a second here. No, no, no.

We can pause it and we'll look some stuff up. All right. We've done a little bit of research in our celebrity crush. 12 years old. Chapeau Chinois. Before it was called the tween, I think. Right. For all of us.

I predated the tween. Yeah, we weren't tweens. It was called the confused boner era. Which I had so many of. My boner's been confused ever since. No. Grade 7. 12 years old. You were 1997.

1997. Now I would have been finishing grade 6, beginning grade 7. Because the school year doesn't go over January to December. And my birthday is in October. But I can tell you with certainty that I spent many Friday nights, if not every Friday night, watching TGIF on ABC. Gonna get a done show on how it's done.

And a long-running show would have been A Boy Meets World. And no, I wasn't into the younger Savage brother. Ben Savage. Not dead, by the way. Don't trust the internet. He's not dead. And you weren't into Miss Graffini. I just talked to her on the phone last week.

I kind of had to thank Graffini. But no, I was always and still am, when it comes to celebrities, into the bad boys. Right. Rider Strong. Rider Strong. Which was a good... Because he came from a broken home. I love those.

His character. Yeah, his character came from a broken home. What was his character's name? Eric was the brother. Eric was the brother. Eric was the brother. Which I also liked. I also liked Will Friedle. He was the dumb.

His name's Will Friedle. He was a good doofus, yeah. I liked him because he was cute. My favorite thing about the Boy Meets World, if you can find the clip of the opening sequence of Boy Meets World. I probably can. They're driving in a Cadillac

through kind of an imaginary, like kind of a cartoony world. And you see Ryder Strong thinking, like he thinks, the way they're doing it is they're showing what they're thinking about in like a thought bubble. And Ryder Strong thinks about his girlfriend who was a. Not Topanga. Not Topanga.

It was a black girl. Black Topanga. Not Topanga. It was a black girl. Black Topanga. Black Topanga. And then Ben Savage is thinking of Topanga and then the older brother is thinking of his little sister. It's one thing my brothers and I picked up on very early on. Tiny Topanga. Did you ever notice, notice though that the sister changed

like halfway through the the series uh i'm yeah didn't wasn't she like a smart ass at one point no but i mean the actual actress oh not just her character i mean she did develop as a child from a baby i think she was a baby at the beginning into like an actual you're thinking of the olsen twins did you ever hear about the the gal that used to be on family matters who is the littlest sister and one day is now in porno no now she's on celebrity rehab oh who was in porno no she was in porno yeah oh it's driving me crazy because i i've never i've only watched like one episode that keeps getting repeated right yeah when they have to like serve a meal at the restaurant to their family members.

And Brigitte Nielsen has a big freakout. I couldn't figure out who the last one was. She is a big freakout. So that's the youngest one from Family Matters? Yeah. And she, according to her kind of story, on one episode she walked upstairs and she never came back down. That was it. Like on an episode of Family Matters she walked upstairs

and they wrote her right out of the show. And there was never an explanation of what happened to matter she walked upstairs yeah the writers really wrote right out of the show tied that there was never an explanation of what happened like halfway through the series yeah you know what i don't think she wanted to porn so it's two porn stars on celebrity rehab because mary kerry mary kerry former uh president or california governor gubernatorial candidate yeah wow good work but uh the that's why writer strong i remember in around about the time uh of of your being 12 i have a very good year i remember i looking him up on the internet, and he had his own website, writerstrong.com, and he posted a few of his poems, and one included

the line, Vow Now! And I, Brown Cow, my online name on some websites is still to this day, Vow Now! Writer Strong.

I wonder what he's doing now. Push-ups. That's my guess. He was in a horror movie a couple years ago. Push-ups or crack. Who did you have a crush on at age 12? I have two. And these were...

I've actually been compiling a list to kind of... So I don't have to look up stuff on the internet and come up with Marissa Miller as I did last week. I came up with Nikki Blonsky. Nikki Blonsky? From Hairspray. Oh my god.

Why not? She's got a beautiful face. When I was 12, that was a year, grade 7, when we kind of rented some questionable movies. We had a lot of sleepovers. And I don't think we... I remember a big one was Basic Instinct. Or as Mad Magazine parodied it, basically it stinks. But I don't think we ever did that. magazine parodied it. Basically, it stinks.

But I don't think we ever did that. We always did. We rented Porky's once. Oh, God. We didn't. And we rented one called a Hollywood Hot Tub. Ooh, sounds good. There was a woman with large breasts and she shook them

at the main character and went, swing on these, Tarzan. But in that same era, I remember there were a couple of favorites. One being Cindy Crawford. Oh, yeah, yeah. She was huge at the time, yeah. And the other being, this was probably bigger, was the Sports Illustrated swimsuit model slash star of necessary roughness, Kathy Ireland.

Oh, really? Wow. You swung that way. Eyebrows. Yeah, she has very defined eyebrows. Yeah. So that was, maybe that was more than age 12. That might have been like age 10 to 12.

Wow. That's okay. They're allowed to haunt your dreams for two years. I remember the cover of, it wasn't even that great a cover. I just remember what a great headline it was of her Sports Illustrated issue that said, She Reigns in Spain. That would have been the 1992 one because the Olympics were in Spain. That's clever.

That's clever. I like cleverness. Here's what, because I looked up on the computer. I looked, because I was 1992, and right away I saw a movie, and then it just all flooded back to me instantly. That year was the year that Wayne's World came out. Oh, yeah. Why don't you just go talk to her?

No, yeah. A young undiscovered un... What is her show called? Unadulterated? She was unknown at the time and now, of course, she's the relic hunter Tia Kerr.

She wasn't unknown, though. If you had watched the series Noble House She's the relic hunter, Tia Kerr. She wasn't unknown, though. She was unknown. If you had watched the series Noble House. I hadn't. As many series about Hong Kong. That's why I know who she was. Oh, okay. So I just thought, honestly, when I was a kid,

I thought she was literally a singer. Why were you an idiot? She's a total baby. Well, no, because I didn't know who she was. I thought that that was her singing. Well, I. Well, no, because I didn't know who she was. I thought that that was her singing. Well, I was younger than you, and I didn't. I saw the movie at the same time, and I was like, oh, that's a pretty actress with bangs.

Oh, yeah, and I fell in love with her because she had the... She had Winnie Cooper's haircut. Plus, it planted in your mind that a guy like Mike Myers could have a beautiful woman like that. Yeah. And honestly, I think it's broken up my entire reality of me and women. Because in the movie, he made it happen. But in real life, I have yet to achieve anything.

And then he won it back in the sequel. Yeah. Totally. But Mike Myers has coupled himself with some pretty amazing, dynamic, beautiful women in his movies. Not the greatest actresses, but the best. Like Beyonce is a great actress. Beyonce, Heather Graham, worst actress. And who was the first one?

Elizabeth Hurley. Not an actress, a model. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Oh, yeah. You do a great Austin Powers. That wasn't supposed to be Austin Powers. Oh, well, it was just shitty then.

Oh, ouch, Dave. Apparently. Why do you get so abusive after so many apricot ales? Tonight's podcast, tonight, this evening's podcast is sponsored by St. Ambroise. Apricot wheat ale. How about St. Ambroise? St. Ambroise, bière de blé à l'abricot. Do we want to put a cap on this?

Put a big bow on it? Yep. Wrap it up. Thank you so much for joining us, Olivia. My pleasure. Wonderful guest. I had such a fun time. You got anything to plug?

My phone's ringing. Oh, always plugging. You know what? I'll be a good girlfriend. I'll plug my boyfriend's show. The boyfriend who couldn't make it today. My boyfriend who couldn't make it. The much better replacement. As his momager.

As his momager, I feel it's my duty to plug the wonderful Sunday Service. Wonderfully talented, wonderfully original and always funny. The Sunday Service. Every Sunday at 9 o'clock at the Hennessy Dining Lounge on Broadway in Ontario. Beautiful. Come see them. I might o'clock at the hennessey dining lounge on broadway and ontario

beautiful beautiful come see them i might take your money at the door there you go dave if you uh if you do go to the show and there's someone taking your money at the door you'll know it's olivia because her eyebrows aren't visible on camera that's true it's true oh i'll plug one more thing um a magazine that i'm featured in right now, Sav Fair Magazine. It can be picked up at a number of businesses along Main Street. So if you're in that hood, check it out. Check it out. Is it free?

It's a free publication. Oh, not enough of those. This, oh, you are also, you're putting together some kind of. A concert. Stay tuned at the Little Mountain Studios in late July. And it will feature several different artists from around Vancouver singing the songs of Phil Spector. Okay, well, let's wrap this up.

All right. My name's Graham Clark. This has been Stop Podcasting Yourself. Thanks for listening, everybody. Stop Podcasting yourself.