Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 196 - Baron Vaughn

Episode Date: December 20, 2011

Comedian and Actor Baron Vaughn joins us to talk about Vegas, muffins, and alligators. And then we do a Secret Santa gift exchange.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 196 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark, and with me, as always, is a man who is knee-deep in holiday spirit, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I'm knee-deep in the hoopla. Yeah, the hustle, the bustle, the halls bedecked, gay apparel.

So busy, so much to do. Yeah. So many deadlines. Well, one. Our Lord Jesus Savior's birth. It's a lifeline. This deadline is a lifeline. Right. And our guest today, all the way from America, from Los Angeles, America.

It sounds weird when you say it like that. Yeah. He is up in Vancouver shooting season two of Fairly Legal, and he is 10 episodes deep of a podcast called Deep Shit with Baron Vaughn. Mr. Baron Vaughn is our guest. Hi. All the way from America. America's not that far from here. It's an hour drive.

It's true. Not even, yeah. Yeah. But whenever people, if we go to the States states people will say They're from Vancouver, Canada But then I realized it sounds weird if you say Chicago, America Sounds crazy I like that but I'm going to start saying it

I'm going to put land at the end of everything And then say America Los Angeles, land, America You got to do it in that 1920s voice too Through a megaphone Thank you for being our guest Yeah man I'm honored to be here. You guys do a great thing.

Oh, thank you! 196 episodes? Yeah. I can't even fathom. Fathom it. It could be you. It could be you four years from now. It could be me.

I hope it is someday. Imagine? That's when you would go to some sort of montage. You've got a big white long beard. As Mike Myers would say. As Canadian citizen Mike Myers would say. Does he still have his citizenship? Is he in Canada right now, do you think?

I don't know. Because he's vanished. Nobody knows where Mike Myers is, right? Well, I mean, what? Shrek? Shrek's still happening. Sure. Right?

Mike Myers. What an interesting guy. mean he's personally i think he's a comedic genius agreed but he is an example of saturday night live was everything he wanted to do and then he did that and that was kind of it and then after that he was like well i did my life's dream i guess i'll do this movie called aust Powers. Oh, wait. I've created a monster. I really like the first Austin Powers. I like the first two. The first T-O-O or T-W-O?

Oh, T-W-O. Oh, there you go. Yeah, I like Austin Powers' The Spy Who Shagged Me also, right? Heather Graham was in it? Heather Graham, yes. That is Heather Graham. And then the third one was Beyonce, you know. Right. Classically trained actress.

As gold member. Yes. You know what we need to do? We need to get to know us uh-oh get to know us now uh do you think like because like mission impossible four is coming out yeah yeah ghost protocol gopro yeah gopro and that was how many years ago was the last one six no not that long mission impossible three would have been four maybe four oh if only one of us had a smartphone someone told me that uh there's this comedian blaine kapach who's a oh yeah yeah you know san francisco guy and he's in la now and i guess they

wrote on a show together when people had that question he'd be like ah only if there was some database of movies on the internet to settle this dispute. I wonder if they'll come up with a fourth Austin Powers that nobody really wants, but nobody's really against. No, because I don't think it did well at the box office. The third? Yeah, the third one didn't. I think the fourth one was just

the Love Guru. Where Austin Powers takes on a really crazy secret identity. A really different alias. Have you seen The Love Group? No. Have you? Of course not.

I saw it on TV, and it is everything that you heard. Imagined. I heard a lot of expletives. I like that word, expletive. The biggest joke in it is that he's like a yoga yoga guy and his greeting that he says to people is uh mariska hargitay and then mariska hargitay is in the film and that's the biggest setup and punchline in the whole i would like to meet her right i want to go to her yeah what is she doing now she's still on she's snl svu yeah but i think nbc But I think she's not going to be on it

for much longer. Well, I know that Christopher Maloney left. That's when the show became dead to me. And then a girl I know, actually, Kelly Giddish, has stepped in. Good name. She has stepped in to be the new lady. So right now, I think it's her and Mariska.

Two lady cops? What year is this? Two lady cops? How can is this? Lady cops? How can you fight trying with your skirt on? What is this, Rizzoli and Isles? Eh?

That's another cop show, I think. So, you're up in Vancouver. This is your second go-round taping up here. How do you like it? Is it okay? You play Bruce Fairley.

Bruce Fairley? No, it's Joseph Legal. I'm his assistant. I'm Joseph Legal's assistant. First of all, I love Vancouver. First of all, that's really the only point I need to make. First of all, I love

Vancouver. Second of all, I really love Vancouver. No, I think Vancouver is an incredible city. As cheesy as it sounds to say, everyone's so nice. And you know what? I got my car in Seattle, closest American city last year. Sure. And then so I drove around Vancouver for a week.

And in that one week, most of my driving habits are Canadian, meaning I never honk at anyone. That's true. Never. In LA, if you look, if it's a quarter of a second when the other light is going yellow meaning your light's about to turn green people will honk at you like go go it's almost green yeah and here i've looked down at my phone or something and sat at a light for like five minutes and then look up and the person behind me is like hey and no no honks and when i drive around la i'm oh, I could have honked there.

Yeah. That's a honkable offense. I had a friend. He was dropping me off. And there was somebody that was sitting at a green, like a left turn. And was sitting there for like, you know, 25 seconds. And then my friend like, honk, honk. And then he turned to me.

He was like, that was okay to let the person know. Like, he was like, that wasn't too big of a honk. Yeah. You have to decide like a friendly't too big of a honk. You have to decide a friendly kind of... A friendly honk. A Canadian friendly honk. Or an angry one. All LA honks are angry. Yeah.

That's the best way to describe it. The nice ones are the toot toot. If you do a bunch of little ones. Right, I guess. But most people are like, just laying on the horn. Yeah. It's the thing that you've probably noticed from driving in Vancouver that mystifies almost every driver here is the four-way stop. Seems to, people don't know how to use, like, just where there's no stoplight.

Which is four-way stop signs? Yeah. It seems like everybody just is hoping somebody takes control and goes first. They're very indecisive here. Well, I think you say indecisive, it might be courteous. Maybe, yeah. I'm giving you guys a buttload of credit. That's true.

Yeah. Assuming that we're being courteous. As dumb as it sounds, you Canadians are so nice. You live up to the damn stereotypes. Well, you're nice on the surface. Some of you guys have some anger and some drinking problems. Oh, yeah. That's true. Absolutely.

I've seen it because we did a party. We had a party, a rap party last year. And everyone who's so nice on set had a couple. And boy, did they come loose. Not mean. Just crazy. Just like dancing their butts off and doing it in bathroom stalls. And I'm like, really?

I've been around these people for five months and now I'm finding all this stuff out? Good night. Leaving at 10 p.m. Really? Were you like that? I stayed out and hurt myself. To hurt myself dancing. Because I don't dance as much as I used to.

Did you used to dance? How much did you used to dance? You know what? I'm a good dancer. Okay? All right? Don't be fooled by the complexion. I'm a fantastic dancer, but I will throw myself into it, because I resist it.

Because I look at everyone, and I think it looks ridiculous. People are dancing. Yes. And I don't have that, I'm just losing myself in the music thing. Right? Which is why, generally, I don't like live music, which is something else we can get into. I'm willing to get into that conversation. We'll take a mental note.

Save it for the podcast. Save it for the podcast. That's what we were saying before. It's like, now I feel like I've said that so many times. I'm doing podcasts and people are coming on mine. I'm like, whoa, whoa, stop talking. Yes. Save it for the podcast.

We're sure you only have a certain amount of interesting things to say. You only have a certain amount of information. If you expend it all now, what are we going to say? What are we going to talk about? We're going to be nothing. It's going to be pod disaster. Pod disaster? Why not? It was an instant pun. My brain was like, best I can do.

Anyway, I quit. Did you learn how to dance? Or is this just...'ve just picked up? How many lessons did you take? Because Graham and I both took tap as children. Okay. Did you really? We went to tap camp.

Okay. I didn't think so. You know what? I did take a little tap when I was younger. I went to a performing arts high school in the small town I grew up in, Las Vegas, Nevada. The small backwater town of Las Vegas, Nevada. That small, you know, off the beaten map. Oh, I bet there are like...

Like old showgirls and like... There probably are. I did take tap classes with... I feel like it's got... Like people who have always wanted to perform go to Las Vegas. And so I feel like there's a real... Well, if they have that drive of showgirl kind of... If they want to be a showgirl or a magician, yeah.

Yeah, or a tiger. Or a tiger. Or a combination of the three. Oh, can you imagine? Why is that tiger in heels? Oh, that is my card, Bengal. Bengal? The tiger's name is the type of tiger it is.

The type of tiger, exactly. Bengal. And then the Bengals would be the band. It's not a bad ticket. No, but yeah, the woman I took tap from, I want to say she's a little bit more, she kind of had like an old Southern woman that does a lot of pageants, or ran, I mean, ran pageants kind of vibe. Although she wasn't Southern, she just kind of had that look.

Rand pageants kind of vibe. Although she wasn't Southern. She just kind of had that look. But you know what it is? It's growing up watching Michael Jackson, honestly, and mimicking. And I can do a pretty damn good Michael Jackson dance-wise. So I would just watch these movies and watch his videos and mimic his movements. And that's kind of how I taught myself to dance.

So I don't do it as much. But when I do it, I will get into it and then I hurt the next day. Like my neck hurts. So you got to stretch first. That's, I think, what we're learning. Because you know what? It's been so long since I've moved those parts of myself that I wake up like, oh, sore, just sore.

Now, do the ladies go crazy for it when you're dancing? Because guys, like, you know, any dance club that you go to, what's the ratio? Like, 97% of guys don't really know how to dance, and they're just hoping... And don't want to dance, yeah. Yeah, they're just hoping that this part of the evening wraps up so that they can... And the 3% that are enjoying dancing are only doing it because they're grinding into a girl's butt. Yeah, generally. Seems like that's at the club.

But that being said, when was the last time i went to a dance club i cannot i don't i don't go i don't go to dance clubs if i find a place where dancing happens then perhaps i'll partake a particulate participate my brain was like partake no participate i'm gonna say it in the middle of the word participate um it's also my native name. There... What does it mean? It means that I'm always ready to jump in. I got it. I don't know what I'm saying.

Such a lovely language. Exactly. No, I... What the heck were we talking about? We were talking about just dance, like do the ladies... Do they go crazy for a guy who knows how to dance? I would like to do the grinding into the butt, but... All right.

General... Yeah, it's almost Christmas. I've only ever done that if I'm dating a girl who just insists on going to a dance club, and she decides that's what she wants to do. But I've never just gone up to some strange girl, and I'm way too self-conscious to do it. So I... I see that your butt is vacant. Yes. Excuse me. Excuse me me may i have this next saddle up to your cheeks back that up

would you back up that gluteus i've been seeing him yes all right now shake it like a polaroid oh now it's in focus um yeah i mean i i I don't – that's really the only times I've ever done that. But I've never gone up to a girl and done that. So I'll usually just, I guess, kind of dance. Yeah. As dumb as that sounds. Like, if I have – I'll usually be with a friend. I've never gone by myself.

But I'll just dance. But it has happened that girls will come up to me. They will see that I am dancing, and then they will just kind of – what's the word I'm looking for? Just come into – become like a part of whatever. They'll join the amoeba of my dance strata. Yeah, they become like – they're in your orbit. Yeah, exactly. They come into my orbit, and then we kind of you know kepler 22 it

you know i'm saying science references that sounds uh that sounds like uh to me it's like it's so fictional like a thing that would happen that girls would come up to you and dance because it's always guys going up to girls and then them slowly closing off their ranks here's the other thing until you go that's true but the other thing is i do not know how to Well, here's the other thing. Until you go home. Yeah, that's true. Until you go home. But the other thing is I do not know how to read it. That's the other thing. They come up and they start dancing, and I'm like, oh, is this where I bend them over and bind up their butts? Yes, it's fine.

So I kind of, I will do a dance where we dance, and usually I'll go with a mirror. I'll mimic them. Smart. I'll basically just do exactly what they do and compliment their dance, if you will. But I never grab them. I never touch them. I'm too afraid. I'm afraid that I'm going to touch them.

Then some big burly guy who's been sitting on the wall is going to come over and be like, excuse me, no touching or whatever. I don't know. This is a strip club. That's my girlfriend. No touch. This is a strip club in my mind, bro. And I'm being stabbed, punched, or stab punched.

Oh, stab punched. It's the worst. Exactly. That's what Wolverine does. Yes, it is. Where he punches you and, shink, then come the claws. Bub. And then he calls you Bub, right? Wasn't that his thing for a while? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Wolverine, what a weird Canadian. No, you see, that's

how we all are. Get a couple drinks in us. Yeah, exactly. My question for you is this. You said you're from Las Vegas. Yeah. I get really excited when there's a movie. There's never movies that take place in Vancouver, but a lot of movies... Film here.

Film here. Everything films here. Do you get excited when movies take place in your hometown? Never. Or are you so over it? It depends, because usually they's they they only um go to certain parts of vegas so it's like you only ever see like i've actually been trying to write a tv show that takes place in locals vegas you know so we're like the vegas of that you don't

normally see you know like it's different to grow up there and have casinos be a distant part of your life you know because yeah because the strip is is like times square's different to go up there and have casinos be a distant part of your life, you know? Yeah, yeah. Because the strip is like Times Square. You don't go there unless you have to. You see it. It's always there, looming. You know, the MGM Grand is this green orb that, if it's cloudy, you see the green above it.

The Stratosphere, which is the tallest building in Vegas, is like just a giant penis. It has a roller coaster on top of it? It does. There you go. It has a roller coaster on top of it? It does. There you go. It has a roller coaster. That's how to do it. And it has another thing called the Big Shot, which is just like, they fly. You just shoot up into the air and come back down.

Jesus. And you have to go to the 125th floor to get on that. No thanks. Which already starts the anticipation. Excuse me, floor 125. Yes, it is almost as many episodes as Stop Podcasting. Somebody just presses all the buttons all the way up. Oh, no.

That would be the worst thing. I've got to be here all day. That's hilarious. But back to your question. Most of the time I don't because they just always depict certain parts of Vegas. But there was a movie called Pay It Forward. Right. Which takes place in Vegas.

Young Hayley Joel? Is that Hayley Joel? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was right after the Sixth Sense. Kevin Spacey with a melted face. He had a melted face. He was Harvey Dent. He was Harvey Dent.

Yeah, he always was flipping a coin to decide the kids' fates. I think Jim Caviezel was in it as well. You're right. Jim Caviezel was in it. Good call.'re right. Jim Caviezel was in it. Good call. Pre-Jesus. Good call.

Yeah. Pre-Jesus Caviezel. Before Christ. Yeah. B.C. Jim Caviezel. B.C. His whole acting career before is B.C.

Jim Caviezel, B.C. What year was that movie? It was in 3 B.C. Yeah, yeah. 3 B.C. I would love that if he refers to his life like that oh when was that in relation to when i played jesus but um i watched that movie and um the the fact that it takes place in vegas is

there's no color to it meaning you know like any subtlety like there are certain things that if you live in vegas you experience all the time and i okay that's the thing that sometimes bothers me about location movies where they try to just like oh it just takes place there we don't have to say anything about it because either they're so over the top with it yeah or they just don't do anything and they miss subtleties like i was talking to somebody how i could never i could never write anything that takes place in australia because i don't know anything about they miss subtleties. Like I was talking to somebody how I could never, I could never write anything that takes place in Australia because I don't know anything about Australia. Well,

you just have to watch that movie Australia. Yeah, exactly. Speaking of Hugh Jackman, exactly. Um, Baz, um,

but pay it forward. There, there are literally parts where I'm like, that's not there. Just yelling at the, like, you can't drive your bike past the airport and end up in that part of Vegas. And I just yelling at the heat like you can't drive your bike past the airport and end up in that part of vegas and i'm yelling at the screen that is not like even in the movie

con air there's a point where there's a there's some uh fight with nicholas cage you know another leaving las vegas sure um oh yeah i forgot that that ends up that is yeah that's in vegas spoiler alert spoiler alert wait did he also do honeymoonmoon in Vegas? Yeah. He did. He did like three Vegas movies. Wait, isn't Snake Eyes in Vegas too? Or is that in Atlantic City? I don't know. Whoa.

Uh-oh. Yeah, that's crazy though. Vegas ruined him. Yeah, because he only makes like one movie every five years. I know. He's like the not Daniel Day-Lewis of movies. But, oh yeah, so yeah, there's some play con air where the the plane is going down in vegas and there's a fight and they they you know there's the the doors open to the plane so you can see vegas and you see the strip under them and i'm watching it like that's not there like they're

going straight down but suddenly you see something that's on one whole different side of vegas and suddenly it's a different side so i'm like oh get it. They're fighting and going through a wormhole. At the exact same time, ending up in different parts of Vegas. That was one of my favorite conventions. They had it in Con Air. It was in several of the Die Hard movies. A lot of the movies from the late 80s, early 90s, where just massive destruction has happened,

and they let the person who was the key person involved with that distraction just walk off with his girlfriend. Like, they're not going to take him in for questioning. Just exploded half of our city. Yeah, exactly. Here's your wife. Yeah, off you go. Because that happens at the end of Con Air, right? He just walks off with his girlfriend, and the cops are like, that's totally right.

This con that we were transporting, who is still a con. Yeah, he's not an ex-con. He didn't win his freedom. That wasn't one of the conditions of this fight. As long as you kill all the other cons, you get to go free. Yeah. I haven't seen that movie, but thanks for ruining it. Oh, well, yeah, we haven't ruined it.

Yeah, exactly. When does that happen in the film? It would ruin it i i'm not gonna see it he has long hair in it he's wearing a crazy long hair wig that's true and he has like a southern accent yeah that's the other thing is there a chance he was your tap teacher um he doesn't look a little like just uh he has bigger boobs in the movie what about csi csi also takes place in las vegas and that seems like it takes place in locals Vegas. Yeah, I've never really watched CSI, actually.

Oh, you should. It's so good. Well, you know what? Ted Danson's going to be on it now. Oh, really? What? He's taken over for, who was it? Lawrence Fishburne.

Lawrence Fishburne. Who took over for? William Peterson. Gil Grissom. Oh, wow. There you go. William Peterson, who's in one of my favorite movies, Manhunter. Do you know that movie?

That was the pre-Silence of the Lambs. It was Red Dragon before Red Dragon. Exactly. It was Red Dragon before the Silence of the Lambs movie had been made. Directed by Michael Mann. Brian Cox is the original Hannibal Lecter. Very good. And I haven't seen it.

Spoiler alert. They crash on the strip in Vegas. Yeah. And then he eats everyone and they're like, well, here's your wife. Yeah. See you later, Mr. Elector. He just walks away from cannibalizing people. In Las Vegas, when I've landed there in the past, it seems like every other house has a pool. Is that just houses near the airport or is that a Las Vegas general?

Flying into Southern California, you notice that as well. Yeah, lots of pools. I would say more Southern California than Vegas would be the case. I feel like I saw a lot of pools going to Vegas. Like, when you fly into anywhere in Canada, no pools ever. Like, nobody has a pool. Who has a pool that you know? No one that I know.

You don't need it. Well, in Vancouver, you have an ocean. Yeah, we do. You have an ocean right here. Yeah, that you know. No one that I know. You don't need it. You got to... Well, in Vancouver, you have an ocean. Yeah, we do. You have an ocean right here. Yeah, that's true. But even in the landlocked provinces, nobody's... Oh, the interior? Yeah.

I've learned that's what you guys call it. Well, that's because it would freeze. That's true. You'd have to drain it during the winter. Yeah, you wouldn't be able to swim in it other than from June to... Unless you pour antifreeze in it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's true.

But then your dog would be too attracted to it, right? Because you pour antifreeze in it. Oh, yeah, that's true. But then your dog would be too attracted to it, right? Because dogs love antifreeze. Do they love antifreeze? Yeah, because it smells like meat or something to them. What? Yeah, dogs are crazy. So they're pro-antifreeze.

Except that it kills them. Yeah, so they're pro-having it, but not pro-digesting it. Right? Is that how it works? So not an abundance of pools in las vegas well not there there are pools but nothing that i've ever noticed no significant difference although i'm not looking out the window when i fly in because i'm like ah home i know what it looks like yeah but you don't have friends you don't look out the window just to make sure that you're not flying through a wormhole the wormhole um, I don't. Oh, no? Okay.

Usually they're just clouds. I get excited. I'm like, oh, we're going to be on the other side. What did you ask, though? Did you have friends that have pools? No, no. Oh, that's too bad. All my friends are townies, the ones that live in Vegas.

They live in apartments and near the cottage, kind of, or wherever they live. But none of them had it. They're all roommates. So is Vegas just like a very normal town outside of the fact that they have the giant gambling strip? Yeah, it's a giant suburb. Right. It's extremely hot. Yeah.

It's a desert. It's a desert. Yeah. It gets to 120, 125 degrees. No thanks. In the summer. I don't know what that is, Celsius. Sorry.

Oh, 40, I think. Something like that. Yeah don't know what that is, Celsius. Sorry. Oh, 40, I think. Something like that. Yeah, something like that. Oh, God. Jesus. I guess we just have questions about Las Vegas. That's fine. These things happen.

Are there local celebrities? Do you see Chris Angel Mindfreak and Jerry Tarkanian hanging out? You don't see them hanging out? The easiest way to know is when the local commercials come on. I remember, you know Larry Johnson, the basketball player? Oh, yeah, from UNLV. He went to UNLV. He and Stacey Algerman.

Very good. I brushed up. But when Larry Johnson was, before he joined, maybe right after he joined the NBA, there were a lot of local commercials with him. Hey, I got my couch here. Right next to where I got my car. And here's where I got my nails did. You know?

Manicures. I put the man in that manicure. Tell me that's a real thing. Was that a real thing? No. Our listeners who aren't basketball fans might remember remember larry johnson as grandmama grandmama yes which was a character i want to say he created in vegas but that's not true basketball players they're just workshopping characters this was back

he it was a uh campaign he did for converse back when basketball players wore converse was it converse yeah like like the converse that i'm thinking of yeah like converse all stars not all stars but converse has to have other shoes besides those those are just their most popular not that I recognize I recognize only the cloth version yeah he was the last player to wear canvas shoes well I think there were some players later that wore Vans

yeah exactly and like slip on Vans but as you were saying the character I think there were some players later that wore Vans. Yeah, exactly. And like slip-on Vans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But as you were saying, the character. Yeah, and he was just, he would be this like old lady wearing a flowery dress and like a shawl and an old lady wig and glasses and then he would dunk. Then he would dunk and you're like, whoa, grandmama can dunk. That was the whole thing. Good twist.

Did he do uh did he do like a grandmother voice like i don't know if i'll ever be able to dunk again a little bit a little bit be like wow why is grandma six foot five i don't know how old how tall he was i mean to say did he have a mustache because that's i like that convention too where the guy's like i'm not gonna shave off my mustache just for this little thin he had his mustache yeah that's great but yeah but local celebrities as you say it actually there are certain people like well you know there's certain i actually made this had this conversation with the um hair and makeup women on my show the other day because i was saying that like that Vegas used to be the spot.

That's where you went if you were fantastic at what you did, and then you played Vegas. That was like a dream of people. And there's still people who do that. Like Seinfeld comes in every month or two, or Jay Leno, et cetera, et cetera, and concerts. But people who have a theater in Vegas, Vegas is where they have gone to die.

Right? That's it. Right. Now it's like, well, I still have Vegas, Vegas is where they have gone to die. Right? That's it. Right. Now it's like, well, I still have Vegas. And I made the mistake of saying, Celine Dion, that's where she has gone to die. And all these late 30s, 40-something women were like, what are you talking about? Like, yeah, Celine Dion, she's totally irrelevant. And that was not the right place to have that conversation.

I guess not. Although I don't know any, like, it's not a right place to have that i guess not although i don't i don't know any like it's not a canadian thing i don't think i think it is a uh a demographic oh you think it's a it's a lady thing well i think the canada helped women of a certain age sure uh that's the less popular version of the ray romano show yeah it's just all of them in drag. Yeah, how could it have been less popular? But, yeah, I don't know that... I think pretty much around Canada, Celine Dion is still a laughingstock. Yeah, I want to say... I don't know, I think you'd be...

I think, like, you go to the rural areas, I think she's still like a deity out there. It's like, we don't know anybody who likes nickelback but they're like the biggest yeah they're like the best-selling artists in north america so certainly there must be people fair enough you know what i mean i remember um you know anthony jeselnik right the comedian he we had some conversation he was talking about a guy that either he opened for him or the guy opened either anthony opened for the guy or the guy opened for anthony and he was either at some city right not not a major city in america and he had some joke where

it's like so nickelback sucks like as a setup booed off the stage yeah because there's gotta be a great elwood i think i heard graham is it graham yeah i wouldn't doubt that i think i heard him tell that story but i that's the thing is like because like i say i've never met anybody at least nobody who is like admitted to liking nickelback but there must be millions and millions of them yeah right you know one time i'm i met a dude i had to go to a friend's wedding and i can't remember exactly where it was but her friend was she's like oh my friend will pick you up and he lived in long island in new york right right so he drove into manhattan got me and then we drove to his wedding guy i don't really know nothing but top 40 stuff asian dude putting on the radio and it's all those hits

that i'm like these are the worst songs in the world that he is singing along knows all the lyrics just interrupting conversations we were having i was like really he was like no no shut up for a second so what do you do he's like he i was like what do you do he's like well let me say oh hey hey bye bye bye i was like we were talking well and we're not anymore we're not anymore okay this is my jam um wow that's i was just thinking like if i was driving with somebody that i just met at what kind of met, what would I put on? Did I ever tell you the story of when I think I accidentally picked up a hooker? Tell it now.

I was driving to Burnaby, British Columbia, where I was interning at a TV show. And there was a woman waiting at the corner. It was like 9 in the morning on a Wednesday. And she comes up to my car window as I'm waiting at this red light. And she knocks on my window, on my passenger side window. And I just sort of had a brain fart where I was like, oh, I didn't realize I could have just... What neighborhood were you in? It wasn't a hookery neighborhood.

It was just on the way to Burnaby. The hookery neighborhoods are where you make them. Yeah. You don't have to go to one. It wasn't a sketchy neighborhood. She knocks on the window, but she looks like she's maybe been up all night. She's dressed for evening and it's nine in the morning.

Maybe she's a go-getter. But she's not wearing crazy hooker boots or anything. maybe she's a go-getter uh but but she's not wearing like crazy hooker boots or anything right uh so she was a little classy yeah she's an asian lady sure if that makes any difference no oh it makes all the difference anyway she knocks on the window and i instead of rolling down the window i unlock the door what was that you just forgot what button i forgot i just forgot what i need to do because i did it by hand i reached over and i i didn't have power or anything and she gets in the car and she says can you take me to metro town which is this big mall and i i said uh well you're already in the

car the light changed people are honking of course uh and it it's going to be like a three-minute drive. So it's not out of my way or anything, but it is awkward. And we're driving in silence. The radio is on. And she changes the channel. Oh, that's funny. So she's like, ah. I know I'm just a guest here.

A ball of presumption she is. She just gets in the car, tells you where to go. I don't like this station it was a little uh transportery yeah maybe she just lives a really charmed life like she's just like i'll get a ride somehow yeah i'll just wander into somebody's car yeah maybe she had that that elixir that harry potter had felix felicis or something like that you know i'm talking about nope the good luck one oh you guys hate harry potter no just don't know it just don't know it oh well he wins it no come on which one is it from horace slughorn right sluggy sluggy when he makes it the great it's it's in um the half-blood prince

because he has to you know that that book that's the great potion book yeah wow i'm sorry no this is great i want you to go back in my head yeah no no keep going yeah i just heard in my head what I'm talking about, and I feel ashamed and a little naked. No, I want to know more about this. We've had guests who are big Harry Potter fans, and we like to indulge it. Okay, look. All I'm saying is, he wins a little potion that when he drinks it, everything works out. Right? Like, it's a luck potion.

Okay. And what's it called? What was it called again? I don't remember. Felix, I want to, Felix something. Okay. He's pretending not to remember. No, I want to say Felix something. Okay. He's pretending not to remember. No, I want to say Felix Felicis, but that can't be right.

So it's just like you take a sip of this potion, everything goes your way. Yeah, exactly. For a certain amount of, a limited amount of time. How does that, how does him having, he must have used it all. Yeah, he uses it later in the story. At some point. What would you use it for? Well, he, because what does he use it all. Yeah, he uses it later in the story. At some point. What would you use it for? Well, he... What does he use it for? He has to find...

get some piece of memory from somebody that's going to put together this puzzle on who Tom Riddle slash Voldemort is. What spoilers! Yeah, exactly. Or what he did with the Horcruxes. What? Anyway. Have you read the books and seen

the movies? Yeah. So you're the books and seen the movies? Yeah. So you're a big fan. Not a big fan. You know, honestly, I was resistant. I do that thing where I get, if something's really popular, I automatically hate it.

Right. Right. So I'm resistant. But then a friend of mine. So you're a contrarian. Yeah. I'm a contrarian. Yeah.

Exactly. And I do it. Twitter, it took me a while because I had heard about it. I'm like, well, that sounds stupid, and then I realized, well, I said that about Facebook, and I said that about MySpace, and I said that about Friendster. If I remember correctly, I think I said that about the internet. And the telephone before that. Exactly. So let me just try this Twitter thing. I tried not to be contrarian so harry potter i was super resistant

to until a friend was like no you gotta read him and i read the first two like i think the fifth one had just come out that summer that year um so i read the first two and i was like oh those are all right and then i read the third one i'm like okay i'm hooked because the third one is really good and that's the one that like made me kind of click into it and then suddenly i was invested and i had to read all of them. I feel like I need to do that simply just for the references, because you just threw down a Harry Potter reference.

It's in the movie, if you see all the movies. I haven't seen the movies. Have you seen none of the movies? I've seen the first one, and then the fourth one? Oh, yeah. So I need to sit down. All I can do is make upset, angry old man voices.

Real Tim Allen. Yeah. Yeah, you do, because the first two movies, I think, are crap. Okay. Because they're directed by Christopher Columbus, Chris Columbus, who is an... Not the Explorer. He's an okay... Yeah, exactly.

He's an okay, yeah, he's an okay director. Then the third Harry Potter movie is directed by a gentleman named Alfonso Cuaron. Yep. Who you might know from, I don't know, Children of Men or other movies of the darkness. Right, okay, yeah, yeah. Directed a Harry Potter movie. So it's crazy dark and really good. And the fourth one was the guy who directed Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Oh, I get my Mexican directors mixed up. Yeah, you do. Always getting my Mexican directors mixed up. Is that racist? Ron Guillermo del Toro, who's who? Almodovar? Well, he's not Mexican, I don't think. Nope, he's not.

Robert Rodriguez? Robert Rodriguez is Mexican. Totally Mexican. Chimichanga? Anyway. Oh, dang. Jeez. Oh, dang. Robert Rodriguez Robert Rodriguez is Mexican He's totally Mexican Um Jimmy Chonga Anyway Oh dang Jeez Oh dang

Oh my favorite movie Directed by Jimmy Chonga By Jimmy Chonga Jimmy Chonga Yep Anyway My point is That Asian prostitute

Had some of that potion Okay That's why you Somehow messed up And opened your door That's what she wanted That's what I would wish for If I Yeah An Asian prostitute.

I would have wished for more potions. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, well, here's... Not too much. We are... We're both going to be away during the holiday season, so we're... You more than me. Yeah.

Where are you going? I'm taking a bus trip out of town. I'm going to Sweden. Oh, what part? The south. Malmo? Near Malmo. Okay.

He doesn't want to be specific because he doesn't want to run into anybody in Sweden. It's in Håganass. Are you Swedish? No. My wife, Abby's aunt, lives there. Her family lives all around the world. Her brother actually lives in northern Sweden. And so we're all sort of converging there. Her family lives all around the world. Her brother actually lives in northern Sweden. And so we're all sort of converging there.

Cool. Yeah, it's going to be super fun. Where does your brother live? Örebro? He lives near Stockholm, I think. Nobody is curious as to why I know where the hell all these days. I was a bit curious, but then I'm like... I'm just a geography buff.

Anyway. Is that it? Or have you... You've been to Sweden? I've been to Sweden a bunch of times. How come? I just know a geography buff anyway. Is that it? Or have you... You've been to Sweden? I've been to Sweden a bunch of times. How come? I just know a lot about running rebels. See?

You said before you were mad that nobody questioned it. Yeah. And then when I questioned it, you're like, I don't want to answer your questions. I didn't mean for you to question it. Why do you go to Sweden so much? There's a person that lives there. Oh. Ah.

Of the female persuasion. Is it? Is it? Bridget Nesson? Abby's aunt Sheila? Yeah. It's Greta Garbo's great-great-granddaughter. No, I don't know. Is it Mariska Hargitay?

Yeah. Swedish? No. No. Ukrainian. I think Polish, I want to say. I mean, American. No, she's not Polish.

Her mother is Jane Mansfield. What? That's right. That's right. I totally forgot that. Why wouldn't you keep the last name Mansfield? Because that's not her father's name So legally she's a Hargitay

Yeah, legally And do you want to be Mariska Mansfield? Yeah I've met Meryl Streep's daughter She does not go by Streep Because everyone knows who your mother is Yeah, there aren't very many Streeps around I would change my first name to Streep and then change the last name to something else.

Hi, I'm Streep Streep. No, Streep Mansfield. Hi, I'm Streep Throat. Gross. If she didn't have a first name, it would be where the Streeps have no name. Guys, this is dumb. Anyway, you're going to Sweden. For Yule.

For God Yule. And we are... So we're banking to Sweden. Yeah. For Yule. For God Yule. And we are... So we're banking a bunch of episodes. And I think we just realized that this is our Christmas episode. Oh, snap. And usually we have extra guests on and we do it at a chalet. We don't have time for this this year. But we will be doing...

Slumming it with me. We will be doing a secret Santa exchange at the end of the show. Yeah. And I've brought you something because you're a guest. You didn't tell me nothing we just found we just calculated it and realized yeah we only realized like yesterday that this would be the episode that would happen around christmas well i have one thing to say to that I'm all sad. Yeah, it's just sad. This season's made me sad.

It's Christmas and I'm not happy. Snoopy, get off of the house. Stop hanging out with that little bird. I'm gonna buy this weird tree. I don't think that bird exists. Oh, you think it was a phantom of everybody's? I think it's all Snoopy's myth problem. You think Snoopy has hallucinations? Wait, is Snoopy really flying that plane?

No, that's the Red Baron. It's a different guy. Okay, so that's coming up. But basically, I don't have a ton going on, but a very kind of a funny thing happened to me right before the show today. I was on my way to buy Graham his Secret Santa present, or, I mean, whoever I have for Secret Santa. That's right. Secret Santa present, or hers.

And I stopped at Solly's Bagels. In addition to bagels, they also have these delicious pumpkin... I'm sorry, where's Solly's Bagels? There's one at. Yukon and. Seventh? Yeah. Okay.

Sorry. I just want to know where there's a good bagel. It's a good. Yeah. It's no Benny's Bagels. No, that's true. Crap. That's on Broadway.

Continue. But they also have these muffins that are pumpkin muffins with chocolate chips in them. And I love them. I never get them anymore. And I'm standing in line at Solly's waiting to buy this muffin, and I hear someone behind me in line say, my friend's husband loves these muffins, these pumpkin chocolate muffins. loves these muffins these these pumpkin chocolate muffins uh my friend told me that he used to get them all the time and uh he was wondering why he was putting on weight and in my head i'm like is she talking about me is it possible this woman is telling a story this is a friend of my wife's who is telling a story about me because i have a similar story similar story, but it's not these muffins.

It's the pretzel buns at Whole Foods that I ate every day. Why am I putting on weight? I keep eating pretzels every day. And then I turned around, and it was a friend of Abby's. Weird. Wow. And she was telling a story about me, about this thing that I'm about to buy two of.

Oh, embarrassing. But I looked back and she didn't notice me look back and I didn't want to interrupt her story and be like, are you talking about me? Because I feel like that would have been too crazy. What if she would have blown the mind of

whoever she was telling that story to. Oh, this is the guy. Johnny Two Muffins over here. And then I was like, how do I go unnoticed? And I realized I couldn't. But I didn't want to. It's like if you wake someone up from REM sleep.

It's too shocking. You might kill them. I don't think that's ever happened. If I turned around in the middle of the story, might die but now that she's seen you right after telling this story like she might have been planning like maybe we should have an intervention for this guy who can't stop eating these pretzels or whatever well but now then she was like nah that's silly he'll be fine but you also then she sees you buying the thing so i turned around i bought them and i turned around to her and I said, Hello.

And she said, Oh my God, I was just telling a story about you. And I corrected her and I was like, No, it's not these muffins, it's the pretzels. Yeah, it still is bad for you. Yeah. But it's still good that you recognized that the story was about you, but she had mixed up the information enough that you were like, That probably is about her. It was really weird.

Very meta. Yeah. And then we just... Wow. Then I was like, well, bye. It's like a hiccup in the Matrix. Like, ooh, he wasn't supposed to be here for this story. Whoops. I've never overheard someone telling a story about me

when I was there and they didn't know Thank god It could have been a much worse story I'm sure You're lucky You're very lucky Yeah cause yeah that's like a pretty You know hey I know a guy who really likes these muffins It's pretty okay

She didn't editorialize about how she felt about you She'd be like and also he's an asshole My friend's idiot husband He smells like pee I've told you about him before Same guy from that other story about picking up hookers And I once saw him kick a puppy in the face Just saying

Anyway he loves these muffins So that was about it That's the only thing that's really happened to me this week That's pretty good That's a pretty good week How about yourself? I That's about it. That's the only thing that's really happened to me this week. Well, that's pretty good. That's a pretty good week. How about yourself? I had a couple of things happen this week.

One of them, I've been working part-time as like a punch-up guy on this television show. It's a kid's show called Mr. Young, and it's like a live studio audience kid's show. Wow. And this... Is he? live studio audience kid show. Wow. And this... Is he? Is he young? Yeah. Yes. Oh, okay.

Is he a mister? Also yes. Oh, perfect. Makes sense. I'm already on board. But they wrote a script that had an alligator in it, so they had a real-life alligator on the set, which is crazy. Yeah.

Because, like, I don't know if you've ever seen an alligator in real life before, but it's insane to be... It's an alligator. They're frightening. Yeah. It's like... It's prehistoric. Yeah. And I think we were telling this story to...

I was relating that this was upcoming to Paul F. Tompkins, and he's like, nobody should mess with alligators. They're prehistoric, and they've been here forever, and just don't fuck with them. And I was like, when I saw it, I was like, he is so right. This should not be happening. This is crazy. Around children, especially. Yeah, it was so... There was this moment where they had the alligator in a crate.

That's what they moved it around in, and they had a double of the alligator shipped up from California. A double of the alligator? Yeah, they had to look everywhere. Just in case the alligator doesn't want to do the stunts for lighting. Because they need a fake one for when they're wrestling around with the alligator. you know like a fake one for like when they're wrestling around with the alligator and the only alligator they could find was the same alligator that adam sandler wrestled in happy gilmore in the yeah so it was that alligator the one that took chubbs's hand is that right yeah did you get its autograph yeah it was but it was there was a moment where they had the fake alligator and the

real alligator like side by, and they were like, is it close enough to pull it off? And I was like, this is, what world am I in that this is a part of the day where they're like, let's make sure the real alligator and the fake alligator are close enough gator-wise. That's pretty great. That was

pretty good show business. I have a question, though. Yeah, that was a pretty good show business thing. I have a question, though. The script had an alligator in it. Did it actually call for an alligator or did some person get oh alligator gotta get one oh i just saw it in the context didn't know what the context of the thing was like there's just a character named alligator alligator get one yeah get on the phone hey johnny yes it's me i need an alligator called jimmy chonga jimmy chonga on it uh what uh do you know the difference between an alligator and a crocodile um i want to say it's like the difference between a turtle and a tortoise am i right am i right raising the roof uh i because i don't i don't know but like i know

crocodiles are associated with uh crocodile dundundee and the Crocodile Hunter. Sure. And so they're tameable by man. But no one's ever messed with an alligator. Yeah. I think alligators are... I think it has to do with the climate that they live in. Like a tortoise and a turtle.

Turtle's a water thing. A water thing. Turtle's a water thing A water thing Turtle's a water liver Lives in the water in wet places But a tortoise is not A tortoise is a desert creature I think crocodiles and alligators Both live in swamp type areas

If our listeners know the difference Please do not write us I know some of them are writing us right now Stop it Don't post it on Don't even post it on our Facebook wall. Write it out in full and press it. I just saw a cartoon

that was like a pep rally for alligators. And it was a bunch of alligators and then someone speak and there's one that's a crocodile. He's just a little different of a color. Racial allegory. And then they're cheering about what they're going to do. Oh, you know what? I think it was on Family Guy or something.'re they're cheering about what they're going to do oh you know what i think it was on family guy or something and they're cheering about what they're going to do and it was all alligator stuff and then the crocodile says and

this other thing which is something that alligators don't do and they all kind of look at him like what are you sure it was a cartoon i want to yeah i'm pretty sure it wasn't live action you know what now that i think of it it might have been a bunch of actual alligators. Oh, it was the California raisins. They don't mess with the Vancouver prunes. Is it alligators that spin like they grab their prey and spin, or is it crocodiles?

Because one of them will... You mean to thrash the thing to death? Yeah. They drown their prey by grabbing it and then spinning in the water. Either way, you're doomed. Yeah. Definitely doomed. I felt like if there wasn't as many people kind of, like, manning this alligator, everybody would just get chomped to bits.

I'm surprised the alligator didn't chomp the fake alligator. Oh, I don't think they let them see each other. One of them can't see. Which one? I'll let the listeners decide like a cartoon just gonna alligator be like oh hello sherry where where does the uh expression crocodile tears come from oh uh from because it means to fake cry or cry to get someone's uh a pity or yeah that's how they lure you in. And you're like, oh, why so

I'm being chomped. What's wrong? What did he do? But alligators don't do that. That's the difference. Alligators are just monocled. So you can't cry through a monocle. Like I met an alligator.

It's crazy. I bought a zoo. Another movie that you will not be seeing. Oh, I'll see it. Opening day. Christmas day. Which one is this? I have no idea.

We bought a zoo or I bought a zoo. We bought a zoo. Oh, congratulations. On everything. Sweden, the zoo, all the things. That prostitute. You're doing really well. It may not have been a prostitute.

Those muffins. How are you getting to Sweden? Oh, what do you think? Prostitute air. No, prostitute air. No, I mean, are you doing a direct flight or are you transferring? We are transferring in England. Oh, so you're going direct to England, to London.

Yeah, and then transferring, flying from London to Copenhagen and then driving up. Oh my goodness. That's way too many things. I'm sorry. Do you have a better way figured out? No, I'm just curious. Oh, okay.

What path? What might take from Vancouver to Sweden? Last time I went, I went through Frankfurt and then to Stockholm. Fun. Oh, Frankfurt. Lots of castles, right? No, there's no castles in the elevator.

All of Europe. In the elevator. I mean, in the airport. Elevator. That's Alzheimer's. That's going to happen. No castles in the elevator. Sounds like a great kid's book.

Let's move on to overheards. Overheard. Dave?ards. Overheard. Dave? Okay. Overheard. We'll start out the segment. Oh, I thought I started. Okay.

Overheards. Things overheard in your life, in your life, and in your life. Okay. Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah, I do. Mine is, oh, before I do overheards, let's do overheards let's do celebrity birthdays the only reason you wanted me to start it because you want to do celebrity birthdays i can't believe i walked into that it's time for our most popular segment celebrity birthdays as ranked by

by who does the surveys yeah uh ipsos read yep uh celebrating a celebrity birthday today we're recording this two weeks before christmas sunday december 11th sure uh big happy celebrity birthday to boy meets world star rider strong is 32 today rider Wow. He was the troubled kid? Yeah. Jeff. Jeffy. Nope. Was it Jeff? Was that the name of the character? No, it wasn't Jeff.

There's no way. Jimmy Chonga? It was Jimmy Chonga. James Chonga. Big happy wrestling birthday to professional wrestler Ray Mysterio Jr. He's 37 years old. Wow. He no longer goes by Junior.

He, uh, that's, what do you think? Three more years of professional wrestling before you're like 40 is. What time do wrestlers die? Around their 40s. Young. Yeah. Between 40 and 50. Because of the drugs and stress.

Only the macho die young. Oh. That was 2011 where Macho Man died. He was old, though, for a wrestler. That's true. But also this year. When that happened, the rest of the year was kind of in the toilet, I think. Right?

What good happened this year? Name one thing. Exactly. You can't. You're stunk. I like Moneyball. Happy birthday to Monique is 44 today. Hey.

Oscar winner Monique. Oscar winner, yes. What's she in an Oscar for? Precious. Based on the novel Push by Sapphire. Have you seen Precious? Yes. I made the mistake of seeing that on a Sunday afternoon thinking it was something that was going to be cute.

I'm like, oh, it's raining Moniques in this. I'm like, what? Just crying. Just crying. Yeah, you definitely read into the title precious yeah it's gonna be cute it's about a plucky little dog it's gonna be adorable um the only hispanic to ever win an emmy grammy oscar and tony rita moreno is 80 years old today and the answer to our celebrity birthday trivia question.

This rapper and actor changed his name from Mos Def to something else recently. I don't remember what it was. I know what it is. Black Jack. Oh, that's right. Oh, is it Mos Def? Mos Def is 38 today. Happy birthday,

Mos. Happy, happy, Mos happy birthday. My birthday's coming up. Oh, happy, most happy birthday. Yeah. My birthday's coming up. Oh, yeah? Yeah. When? Literally one week from today. Oh. The 18th. So, the one week before Christmas. Before this episode. You, like Dave, December births. Oh, yeah. Sagittarius?

I am. When's yours, Dave? The first. Oh, it's the first of the month. Oh, I forgot to say. Graham got me for my birthday uh-oh what you get them uh pretty good uh there's this service called hollywood is calling where you pay a certain amount of money i think it's probably about 100 bucks maybe uh i could go and find hollywood is calling.com and there's a bunch of like old washed-up stars on there, and you get them to phone you for your birthday. And so you can get, like...

Who did we get? We got the professor... We've done this on the show before. We've got the believe messages. We got the professor from Gilligan's Island. Yeah. What? We got the guy who played...

The original guy who played Jason in the Friday the 13th movies. We got Lou Ferrigno. Lou Ferrigno. What? And... There was somebody else but anyway uh last uh the day after my birthday i was at a show and my phone rang and i answered it and it was from a number it just said unknown so i usually that means graham's calling me so i answered it uh but it uh it said hello is this dave uh speaking hi dave this is butch patrick from the monsters what yep

and i uh i burst out laughing and he said your friend graham wishes you a spooktacular birthday what that's incredible and uh i'm just laughing he said how old are you dave and i i want to get off the phone so fast like uh i'm 31 and i'm just laughing he's like 31 and laughing well that's just great well i'm gonna keep it short d Dave. But have a happy birthday. Oh, and he called me at like 10 o'clock at night. He's like, is this too late to call? It's Butch Patrick. I love it. Are you in the middle of something?

Am I disturbing you? You bet I am. Yeah, I'm having some monster cheese, actually. Ironically. Yeah, what if he was calling your grandma for her 100th birthday? Is 10 o'clock too late? I'm calling from a casino.

But I have never seen the Munsters. What? I know who Butch Patrick is. Oh, okay. Thank you, Graham. I appreciate it. Happy holidays. That's really cool. My overheard comes from my birthday uh-oh uh on my birthday my dad took me to a hockey game and it was in his old company had some tickets in

there they have a box uh and we went and sat in the box and there were some dudes there uh that i guess work at my dad's old company. He didn't know them, but they were in their mid-40s, and I just thought it was funny. Just these two white guys in suits saying, one of them said, The kids are all learning hip-hop. It's all hip-hop Christmas songs. What? So I guess that guy's kids are at some school where there's going to be a hip-hop Christmas.

Oh, that's fun. Yeah. A new twist. Yeah. Finally. A hip-hop-mas. Sure. A hip holiday?

What was it? Was it Beyonce was in a hip-hop-ra? Yeah, Carmen, a hip-hop-ra. Oh, yeah, hip-hop-ra. Ah, Carmen. Directed by? Rita Moreno. No, Robert Townsend. James Chunga.

James Jimmy Chunga. Happya. James Jimmy Chunga. Happy birthday to James Jimmy Chunga. It's 57 today. Yes, feliz cumpleaños. My overheard comes from, I went to a, like, it's a show, like a craft fair, basically, called the One of a Kind Show.

So it was all artisans. Was this yesterday? Yes. It was, like, at a huge convention center, and they just everything, like, handmade everything. And there was a lot of very rich people there, because there was a lot of booths that had, you know, like, handmade shoes that were like uh you know four hundred dollars or oh i thought it was just gonna be a bunch of like crocheted you know uh yeah that's ipad cozies i didn't that's kind of what i expected i thought it was gonna be like all stuff that like you know yeah etsy stuff yeah college kids or whatever but it was a lot of

very like it was the highest end craft fair you could go to, right? It was just, like, all super expensive, handmade wines and a craft unfair. Yeah, right? Boom. I know. I'm just pontificating. The 1%. So, there was this lady at this

one booth, and she was like, touching like this, you know, I don't know what you call a shawl or a cape or a pashmina sure a pashmina uh and she kept going she was telling her friend she's like oh this this is the most exquisite wool it doesn't feel like wool but it's you can tell that it's wool the way it hangs it's just this most beautiful wool and she kept saying the word wool over and over again and her friend friend was like, oh, yeah, neat. And the person who's working the booth was talking to a customer while she was saying, like, oh, it's just, I don't even know where you would get wool like this.

And then the woman working the booth just said over her shoulder, it's not wool. And then went back to her conversation. Like, she was just like, enough. It's totally not wool. Just stop saying. And then just like, enough. It's totally not Wool. Just stop saying... And then Robert Wool walked up. That's what I got. Right? How many seasons

were there of R-List? Too many. I feel like it was on for a really long time. I want to say 45. 40 to 45 seasons. It was the longest running. You'll lose count after 35. That was before HBO started trying to make TV shows. It was like they were contractually obligated to make one TV show.

Well, they had another one. Because Arliss was, in my recollection... Go on. Participation. The second HBO original show, I remember one called... Was Dream On? Dream On. Now, that was the Dream On, was Brian Benben. Which they played TV-friendly versions of it on Comedy Central.

I think it was not Comedy Central yet. It might have been the Comedy Channel or Ha! Or it just turned into Comedy Central or something. And then they would play the actual, it was still on HBO so I would watch it and be like, boobs and comedy! That was the show where he would, like it was chunks of dialogue was filled in by old movies or old TV shows.

Yeah, because he had such a strong connection with television that he, like growing up, he had such a strong connection with television that he would just sort of transport back to those. Yeah! It was weird. it was very strange it was like it was strange but it was a comedy it was pretty funny was wendy malik wendy malik was in it that's where i first remembered her she's on just shoot me yeah ah yes that uh hot in cleveland

is she on hot in cleveland now yeah that's right right yeah wow good good calls gentlemen yeah we're real brian ben ben's you guys you guys have been brian here here now do you have an overheard i honestly do not and i and i hate that that is a cop out that's fine yeah but you know what graham didn't tell you well yeah it's true well you know what it is is that i i've been much more inactive than i wanted to be i've gone gone down... So everything I've heard is either on-set jargon or absolute silence while I'm inside. Sitting inside for two, three days

and not wanting to go outside to get food because it's too cold. But then being like, well, I do have to eat. You should have come to the craft fair. They had fudge. Homemade fudge. It was made of wool. You can go fudge yourself.

So yeah, I started playing Batman Arkham City. Oh, that looks awesome. And now I can't get it out of my head. Are you staying at a hotel? No, I'm staying at an apartment. Oh, okay. They don't put me up and I have to find my own place. But it's on Robson, like right downtown.

Ah, Vancouver's, what are they called? Vancouver's Catwalk or something like that. Oh, really? Yeah. Because it's the shopping, fashion shopping district? That's where all the shopping goes on. There's a lot of shopping. A lot of ladies in nice outfits, et cetera.

And I got Cactus Club and Joey's just around the corner. Oh, wow. Everything a man could need. Everything a man could need everything a man could need milestones jalapeno poppers as far as the eye can see lulu lemon cupcakes yeah totally exactly falafels uh well then i'm gonna read an extra one he's gonna take oh if you don't have one i'm gonna do one yeah that's what you're doing well we'll read a few from the listeners we'll'll play some phone calls, and then Secret Santa.

Oh, it's going to be great. Oh, crap. Now, if anybody out there wants to send in an overheard, they can send it in to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. This first one comes from George T. Takai? Takei? I'm not going to say the last name, but wink. It is George Takei.

Hello, Dave. Graham hopes you have an out-of-this-world birthday. If he had been on there, I would have done it. On a long road trip to my girlfriend's for Thanksgiving, the driver and she were discussing an elusive friend from high school driver he's been impossible to get in touch with he's like a saman bin laden except not dead right he was probably pretty hard to get in touch with yeah pre-death and even more now that he couldn't have like long distance friends He could only see people in person. And even then, it was after they...

And people would text him. He wouldn't respond. Right? And then people just got used to it. Like, nah, he just doesn't write. Yeah, so someone would be like... He didn't answer my Facebook message. He would get a lot of text messages that he would reply with,

Who is this? Just to make sure that they're cool. Do you ever get a text message from a number you don't recognize and you're all the time but like it's it's because a text message people don't start like don't introduce themselves yeah they're just like hey i like what you did on that thing thanks who is this they dive right in yeah they do i had somebody actually at the uh at the craft fair while i was going into it somebody came up to me and said they said me like by they called me by name and i was like i do i know this person because it becomes a bit of a lottery at that point like is it just somebody who knows my name and I don't know them? Knows you by your beard? It was somebody who knew the podcast and said, oh, stop by the booth.

My wife is a big fan. She'll give you some handmade fudge. Yeah, and it was delicious. Handmade fudge sounds like a euphemism for something totally different. Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. Stop by the booth. My wife will give you some handmade fudge. She loves the podcast.

It's not wool. All right. Now I've got to... Where does it go? All right. We'll make some filler while you find that email. I'll just edit it out. That's good.

Pretty good. That's good filler. That was good filler. There you go. This one is from Sri S. That's Sri. S-R-E-E. Oh, Sri. S-R-E-E. Oh, wow.

Squee. This is, recently, my dad was talking to his friend's daughter, who's maybe six or seven, and he asked her what her dad does. She replied that her dad was a journalist. When my dad asked what a journalist is, she said, you know, someone who watches the nightly news and then writes it up as a story for the newspaper. That's pretty good. Pretty great, kid.

Well done. That's the state of journalism these days. Astute. And then the man said that there was strife in... I don't know.ife in, I don't know. Strife in, I don't know. In Moscow.

Strife. There hasn't been strife in Moscow for a really long time. Oh, there were big protests. Big protests, yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. Strifey ones. Those bread lines are really. They were protesting all the strife.

No, I'm just messing around. Down with strife. Down with joy. No, I'm just messing around. Down with strife. Down with joy. Protesting the idea of having something to protest about. Right?

Yeah. It's meta. Meta protest. This last one. This is from Benjamin S. There's a lot of S's listening to this show. Right? Three. Benjamin.

It's two. It's two. I work as a primary school teacher in Lofoten, Norway, and I overheard part of a conversation between two seventh graders today. One boy was telling another about a Facebook post he recently received. What I heard was this. And then he sent me a link. He'd written, this is you,

but I think he got the link wrong because it led to a video clip of a hippo with diarrhea. I think that was the right clip. That's you, all right. This is you. Click. Oh, no. How old were these kids? Seventh graders.

So 12-year- olds, 12 and 13. Oh, okay. So then, interesting. This is you. So either that's a commentary on his personality or he totally misinterpreted a spam message. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Maybe it was just, maybe it was an innocent thing.

I prefer to think that the other kid was like, this is you. And then it's just a hippo having diarrhea. That's how the spam messages get you. I love that as an idea for a spam message. It's like, penis enlargement and hippo diarrhea. Do you want to stop this from happening? Yeah. Male

enhancement, by which I mean your sphincter. Do you want to stop this hippo diarrhea? You need a penis that you can put in the place where the diarrhea comes from. Now it's disgusting. I took it there. In addition to overheards that are disgusting that we have written in,

we also get disgusting ones phoned in. Take two. Oh, man. Wait until Dick Clark gets a hold of that footage. My microphone just fell down. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. What's the Clark gets a hold of that footage. My microphone just fell down. What's the TV bloopers and practical jokes? Super bloopers and...

What's the theme song? Ba-ba-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da Don't, don't, something like that. Native of the little cartoon guys. Yeah, come and sweep stuff up. Sergio Argonis. Of course. Okay, goodness. From Mad Magazine. We also get called in over herds. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Like these people have. Oh.

Oh. My brain wants to turn it into the Quantum Leap soundtrack. See, listen. It wants to turn it into a Quantum Leap theme song. That's right. That's right. Is it a trombone? Yeah, it was. I just like how uncomfortably you're looking at me. You're like, is he going to stop?

Hey guys, this is Francesca from Portland. Even though I'm currently in Chicago O'Hare Airport. And I was just passed a flight attendant and a captain? Is that what they're called? The guys who fly? Pilot? Pilot. The pilot walking in the opposite direction.

And the flight attendant turns to the captain and she goes, well, I hope you get a lot of sleep on the flight tonight so that you can be well rested for your party tomorrow. Oh. Was there a little bit of panic there? Well, because the pilot is going to sleep on the flight. Oh, see, the whole thing for me was that she was like the captain of the flight. What do you call him?

You know, the pilot. Ah, that's great. It was within reach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the tip of the flight. What do you call him? You know, the pilot? That's great. It was within reach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the tip of my tongue. But it's pretty terrifying to hear the stewardess or flight attendant. Yeah. I hope you get a lot of sleep on the flight, man who's flying the plane.

But I think, isn't that how it goes? Like, once you get up, you just flip a switch that just gets you there. But, but, he could also not be flying the plane. Oh. He could also just be flying the plane. Oh! He could also just be... Because, you know, sometimes if there's empty seats, those mofos just sleep... They get in the seventh row or whatever. Do you think that that, for pilots, is like when you're a comic and you're playing a room

that's just, like, there's only seven comics that have shown up and no audience and you still have to do a set? Do you think, like, pilots are like, oh, he's not judging my takeoff and landing? He can handle that turbulence. Am I supposed to be using my A material and just trying out new stuff tonight? Yeah, new routes. I'm going to try a new way to land today. I'm going to fly in backwards.

I'm going to back into the spot. It's very conceptual. I don't know. I'm going to land the front wheels first. And then sit down. I think it'll work, guys. Just come with me on this. And then, like, yeah. I wonder if... He's a real pilot's pilot.

Boom. That's the tag. That's the tag I needed. Next phone call. Hello, Dave and Graham and possible guests I was just walking home from the train station after a hard day's work and I stopped into

a oh wait I gotta do this over I forgot to show you who I was I will try it again actually I'll start again right now here we go overheard

take two hey Dave and Graham this is Will in Los Angeles. Love it. And just walking home from work, and I stopped into a local convenience store, pick up a couple of things on the way home, and coming in behind me is a couple who were leaning on each other.

One of them, probably both of them, were very intoxicated, and one of them says to the other, I am taking your pants until you get sober. So I don't know where they were going, but wherever it was, one of them wasn't going to have their pants. The person's like, I don't give a shit. I'm drunk. I'm taking your pants until you get sober. What do they call that thing that they put on the car? Is it a Denver boot?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Like where it's the big thing that they put on your car wheel when you've had a... That you have to blow into to start the car? Yeah. You have to have an alcohol blood test to start the car? It's the thing Homer Simpson jackhammered off his car, right? Yeah, is that right, though? Is it Denver boot?

I just heard it called a boot, but I think a Denver boot might be... I don't know. I don't like either of those things, Denver or boots. Oh, really? Is Denver thumbs down? I don't know anything about Denver.

What about boots? You probably like boots, all right. Nah, boots, I can do without them. What if you were in Britain and you went to the pharmacy? Yeah, boots. That's okay, right? You needed some polysporin?

Is that a pharmacy? Yeah, it's. That's okay, right? You needed some polysporin? Is that a pharmacy? Yeah, it's a famous chain of pharmacies called Boots. Oh, okay. That's why I didn't know what the hell you were talking about. But also, in the UK, they call the thing, like, the trunk is a boot. And the pharmacist is a chemist. And chips are... Fries are chips.

An elevator is a lift. Chips are crisps. And fries are chips. That's chips. Yeah. An elevator is a lift. Chips are crisps. And fries are chips. That's right. Yeah. Yes. And minge. Wait, no, I'm not going to say it.

It's a vagina! I like that. I'm taking your pants until you get sober. Well, that's just care. I don't want you to pee all over these expensive pants. Oh, right! Maybe it was the pants that the person cared about. I didn't think of it. I was thinking like,

oh, are this going to motivate the person not to drink? But maybe it's these pants are too good for you to have because you're a drunken state. Or you think it was like the carrot and the stick and the pants? You get these back when you're sober. This will be an enhancement. An enticement?

An enhanced enticement. Yeah. The interrogators are using enhanced enticement now. Exactly. If you tell us where the bombs are, you get a year's worth of insight. And our final overheard is this one. Hey, David Graham and most likely guests. I got an overheard for you.

I was visiting my grandparents. My little cousin was there, and he was kind of a fuss. He said, his mom asked him what's wrong. He's like, one thing I don't like about going to grandpa's, what's that?

Grandma. Whoa! Scorch. Yeah. A zing. Yeah, right? It's like, you know, one of them has to be the fun one, and the other one has to be the

stern, badass. Good cop, bad cop. Yeah. Good pa, bad ma. Well, how old was the kid, did he say? Child age. I mean, grandmas can be a little overzealous. There's a lot of pinching, and a lot of spoiling, and it's like, ugh. I'm a little boy.

I can understand not wanting this old woman who smells like mothballs and eons to be breathing the breath of the Industrial Revolution into your nose while she gives you hard candy that's been sitting there longer than your father's been alive. That sentence was really great. I just never... Everything about that sentence was really... It was heavy, and it was... But it worked well, the breadth of the Industrial Revolution. I can't believe you failed English class. I don't.

I don't believe it. Well, it's just because I didn't want to write a paper. Ah, but when you apply yourself, look what's happened, you know? Yes, exactly. Look what's happened, I said. When I was a kid, I was never really close to my... I only had grandmothers, but they were... So you only had grandmothers?

Well, my grandfathers all died before I was born. Oh, okay. But like... It is Vancouver. You could have every alternative. Oh, sure. I had six grandmothers. Gaia was my grandmother.

No, I... Old people bummed me out oh old people cheer me up i think they're the greatest they don't they don't give a shit about anything well why do they bum you out uh it was just i don't i i don't know exactly it was like like i love my grandma was a reminder of your own mortality ah yeah but it was just uh i feel like i have um i have nieces right now and my parents are still still young enough to be like active grandparents but uh what if you bum your nieces out i do not i'm awesome uh but like uh i feel like once the grandparents get past a certain age they're not like like i always envied people who looked forward to seeing their grandparents. Ah, like they...

Like, oh, grandma's going to take me out to do stuff. Grandma's going to not have cereal in her house. Oh, yeah, they're going to have old people food. Grape nuts. Would you like some hot cereal, Dave? Here you go. Delicious bowl of hot cereal. We'll put some brown sugar on that.

I know you'll love it. I don't know what voice I'm doing. Triscuits. Right? Triscuits seems like the cracker of choice. Triscuits are awesome. Are they? Really?

Yeah. Would they be the preferred? I mean, I've always been a premium plus guy. It was always like, triscuits that haven't been opened since the last time you were there six months ago. And they're like, they're like, uh. They have spiders. They're moist.

They've got spiders in them. That's disgusting. But why do they cheer you up? Old people? Yeah. Because they just... It's like you meet somebody that's been through it. Like the thing that you're going through now, somebody's already been through all the shit

that you're going through now. And they're the evidence that none of it matters at the end of the day. They're just like, it really, you know, you go through all this horrible shit. And then if you get to be old enough, you look back and you go, eh, you know, it was all fine. It was all shitty but you know it doesn't they kind of have a it doesn't really matter attitude which young people don't have because everything has to fucking matter when you're young oh i'm gonna do all these things immediate and urgent yeah and then like old people are like nothing's ever gonna change and it doesn't matter and you go and it's very

puts you in a kind of zen place well i'll just say that neither of you have convinced me. Moving on. All right. Moving on to Secret Santa. Secret Santa. There it is. There you go. Man.

It's like, where have you been this whole podcast? You guys need some of those stingers. I don't know what they call them. We stick them in there. Jingles. I know, I know. We are doing Secret Santas. Now, we've done this in the past.

In our past Christmas episodes, the first one, I think, was a Secret Santa. Yeah. Extravaganza. The second one, was that the one where we got, we tried to find the most ridiculous Charities. Charities to donate to. And I donated to what? The Geena Davis Foundation?

No, I donated to the Geena Davis Foundation. Was it the Ludacris Fund or something? The Ludacris Fund, yeah. The Geena Davis Foundation sounds ludicrous. The Ludacris one sounds Geena Davis, yeah. And so, yeah, we said, okay, you wrote to me last year. I forget what we did last year.

You know, we stole Christmas. No, we saved to me last year. I forget what we did last year, but... I don't know. You know, we stole Christmas. No, we saved Christmas. Right. I can't remember which one we did. So, last night, I wrote to you and I said, are we doing a Secret Santa thing? And you said, yes. Yeah, but I hadn't bought anything.

I was just like, I am on board. And I said, let's set a price limit at $500. Yeah. Which I came in well below. That's a high price limit. I don't think I came that close to it. I came within $100.

I came within $470. No, $84. Oh, see? I think you've already stripped me in the price department. But I know I got you as a Secret Santa. And I got you as a Secret Santa. And I got you

as a Secret Santa. And so here, I'm going to trade this, but knowing that we had... You're not wrapped? No, mine is just in a bag. Dave's is beautifully wrapped. Dave's is beautifully wrapped. But that's what you were saying. You've got to get yourself a wife. But then I remembered, I was like, oh, we also have a guest. And so I

grabbed an extra something for you, Mr. Va vaughn a brand new reach toothbrush a reach classic it's a reach classic and i that's uh i think that that's like the best kind of tooth it's getting back to basics i'm gonna massage my gums with this thank you oh you're very welcome there you go dave and. And there you go, Graham. It's so pretty, I don't even want to unwrap it. Mine is just in a Whole Foods bag. Who goes first? Well, obviously you, Dave.

Yeah, go Whole Foods bag. You're going to love it. All right, so there's a book. Sea Biscuit, the screenplay. Oh! Yep. Featuring beautiful full-color photographs from the film. I haven't seen the film, so this will be fun.

I can watch it and read it along. Oh, man. When does Marcella say, That's Charles Howard. And then Friend says, Yeah. There you go. And is there something else in there?

There is something else in there, yeah. Are these, oh, I hope they're a companion piece. No, it's not a companion piece, but it's something, it's a unique thing. I haven't looked at it, but I feel a suction cup on one side. Yep. This is a... That's pretty good. It's a thing that I bought at the One of a Kind show yesterday.

Oh, cool. It's called shower art, and you, like, suction cup it to the side of your shower. Yeah, it's a butt. I mean, it's a woman. And the word butt. A fully clothed woman, and the word butt. Two Ts. Encased in lucite.

Hiney. Yeah. Yeah, butt, as in your cutie patootie. Just to remind you to wash it. Yeah. I mean, that's generally where i start that is my alpha and omega gotcha thanks graham oh you're welcome okay now i'm gonna open this beautifully wrapped you can put a little card on i bought this moments before picking you up

today i'm excited it's not gonna be you know, I like that it's in some sort of box. Oh! It's... It's Usher's Beauty Products for Men. Yep. Wow. It's a skin aftershave soother. You know that I can't get enough

aftershave. What with all your shavings. Some shower gel and a like a cologne. Eau de toilette. Eau de Usher's toilette. That is top drawer. Merry Christmas, buddy. Is there a name to it besides it just says Usher on it?

It's just Usher for Men. Usher for Men. Yeah, all the products are called Usher. You make me wanna leave. Usher yourself into a new era of manliness. Yo, baby, tell me what you want to do. Thanks, Dave. Good gifts, guys.

Hey, Merry Christmas to all. Happy Christmas to all and to all. Yeah. Happy Christmas. Is that what you guys say in Canada all of a sudden? I think that's what I was quoting. The Brits say it, right? The Brits say happy Christmas, yeah.

They say happy Christmas, boot sale, lift, chips, and crisps. God bless us, everyone. Don't forget Crazy Kwanzaa with a K in two A's. Crazy Kwanzaa. Well, that does it for another Christmas here at Shumka Ranch. Now, you're all over the internet. If people want to find you,

where's the best place to go? There's this website called Google.com. Go on. And then you can put my name in a search engine. No, it's baronvon.com. Currently being redesigned, and there's links up to videos and my schedule, which is starting to come up. If you're in America and you live in places. If you're in Los Angeles, America.

Well, not just Los Angeles, but Chicagoland, America. Chicagoland, USA. Austinland, America. Atlantaland. San Francisco-land. I like the way you did that. And then the Deep Shit page is being revamped. That's your podcast.

Yeah, the podcast is called Deep Shit. Check it out. Yeah, people should check it out, because it is very... It's spelled S-pound-pound exclamation. Yeah, you did it all cartoon style. Yeah, well done. Had to do it because iTunes says like... They are a horse.

They can't start. A horse that can't start. And you're on Twitter? I'm on Twitter. It's Barvon Black with a Q. Yep. B-A-R-V-O-N-B-L-A-Q. That's right. Nice. So, thank you so much for being a Q. Yep. B-A-R-V-O-N-B-L-A-Q. That's right.

Nice. So thank you so much for being a guest. Hey, it's fun times, guys. Yeah, it was really fun. And Dave, this New Year's Eve, you and myself and a bunch of other funny people will be at the Cambrian Hall for the Laugh Gallery New Year's Eve show. Tickets for sale at Neptune Records. That's Neptune with two O's. Yeah.

Follow them on Twitter at... Baron Von Black. Bar Von Black. Yeah. Yeah, so check that out, because that's a good ticket on New Year's Eve. And anything else we need to bring out? No, not for me.

All right. Well, if you want to get in touch with us it's StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328 if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another un-holiday episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Hi, I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. We're three brothers. It's not a coincidence. We have a show. It's called My Brother, My Brother and Me. It's an advice show for the modern era. Sometimes we also take questions from the Yahoo answer service.

Hey, guys, how many push-ups does it take to look like a werewolf? That's a fine question, Griffin. We'll answer that one and so much more, including questions from readers about love and navigating the waters of society. Subscribe on iTunes or get it online at MaximumFun.org. We're brothers. We're experts. And we're sorry.