Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 206 - Kulap Vilaysack
Episode Date: February 28, 2012Kulap Vilaysack from the Who Charted? podcast joins us to talk light beer, proposals, buskers, and a close encounter of the Hulk Hogan kind....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 206 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who I think just got a haircut
and I didn't say anything about it before.
I wanted to save it for the podcast.
Nice haircut, Mr. Dave Shumka.
Thank you.
Got it this morning?
Yep.
Look sharp.
Waiting in line.
There's a a My haircut lady
If I pay her in cash
Barbarellis
If I pay her in cash, I don't have to pay tax
So I was waiting at a cash machine
And there's a guy
It took him forever
To figure out
He seemed drunk, He wasn't drunk.
His backpack had the zipper wide open.
But he couldn't put together the sequence of events.
After you get your cash, he just had a wad of cash in his hand.
And he got his card in the other hand.
And he didn't know what to do with what.
And then he noticed the people waiting in line behind him.
And so he turned around and walked into a wall.
Pretty great.
Pretty great start to the day, right?
We've all been there, though.
Maybe it's not at an ATM.
Maybe it's just life.
Yeah.
It was pretty early on a Saturday morning.
It could have been me.
It could have been you.
There but for the grace of whatever.
It's going to be me. It could have been you. There but for the grace of whatever. It's gonna be me.
To quote Justin Timberlake.
Of NSYNC.
I love this podcast already.
A JT reference?
Oh, we drop them early.
Early and often. We're gonna have some JTT
references later.
Our guest today, all the way from
Los Angeles, California.
She is the co-host of Who Charted
and the brand new Too Charted, Ms. Kulap Vilaysak.
Hello!
Did I say it right?
Vilaysak.
I was close.
I barely say it right, though.
Vilaysak.
It's not on you.
It is on me.
No, it's not.
You know, I was practicing it before you came over because he said, what?
It rhymes with knee-high sock.
Is that a device that you employ?
Just say knee-high sock.
Well, that Howard has given a gift to everyone, apparently, so that he can say my name.
Well, let's get to know us.
Get to know us. That's a name. Well, let's get to know us. Get to know us.
That's a good theme song.
Thanks.
Thanks for breaking the fourth wall.
Thanks for being a guest on the podcast.
Oh, I'm glad to be here.
Yeah, this is your, you're up here, you're here doing the Vancouver Comedy Festival.
Yes.
And we snagged you.
You're a get.
We managed to, right?
Yeah.
We went through the festival guide.
We said, we looked at the who's who.
Yeah, the who's who.
Who's doing what.
You said, fuck Betty White.
Can I swear?
Yeah.
I'm not going to swear.
Okay.
But not about Betty White.
Shh.
That's one rule.
Ah, fudge Betty White.
Yep.
Shut the front door, Betty White. No, but seriously, Betty White. Shut the front door, Betty White.
No, but seriously, Betty White, shut the front door.
Did you just call Betty White a cunt?
Well, you didn't say that.
What are the rules?
Wait, just tell me what the rules are.
I think the first ten minutes is all about establishing boundaries.
Yeah.
I think you reached one.
Okay, okay.
Okay, noted.
Do you say it a lot?
Only in reference to the Golden Girls.
Yeah.
I do.
I do.
Let's just take back all the words.
No, you know what?
You, if...
Shouldn't we take them all back?
Yeah.
Let's take back all the words.
But we don't own them all.
Some belong to different...
Ethnicities.
What do you mean? Like the brothers?
They've got a few.
Sure.
I don't know any of them.
I'm not steeped in that culture.
Steeped, is that a word?
Did I just reclaim a word with steeped?
Yeah, from the T.
From the T's, from the tea. From the tea. From the tea.
It's from the Indians.
Oh, right.
There we go.
The East Indians.
The East Indians.
And the Bostonians.
The Bostonians.
Yep.
You're Indians.
You're English, right?
Sure.
English breakfasts.
Asian people like tea.
Oh, goodness gracious.
So I really have reclaimed it on behalf of... Why did I say goodness gracious there?
Well, they do.
They like to.
They.
Graham.
Please.
Those people.
The others.
So you're at the helm of two podcasts.
We can barely handle one.
How are you doing two?
Well, it's not really two.
I mean, it's like... Two names it's it's the same universe yeah it's the same universe so the the
first one who charted is just us just having a structure to kind of interview our guests which
is going through like the top five music movies and it's a great like that's a it was kind of one
of the next what would you say like the next generation of podcasts. The first ones were just a bunch of creeps like us, sitting around, talking about stuff. And now you actually have, there's an idea behind it.
Yeah, people started thinking.
I mean, but that's just like the ruse, if you will, because it's just us being silly. It's just like, you know, like, well, let's move on. Coming in at number four.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I've actually learned stuff by listening to Who Charted.
I've learned about charts that I never would have, right?
Listened to?
Totally.
We're making Billboard valid again.
Oh, right.
Billboard magazine.
Have they sent you a muffin basket for that?
They ought to.
You're right.
They ought to.
Yeah.
Or at least one of those fruit bouquets.
Edible arrangements.
You know what?
Pineapple shaped flower.
Flowers should be out altogether.
Just fruit bouquets.
Because they're dipped in chocolate.
Sure.
They're good for you.
Absolutely.
And that's it.
That's it.
They attract flies.
Wait, I wasn't done.
Oh, okay, okay. Sorry. They attract flies. Wait, I wasn't done. Oh, okay, okay.
Sorry.
They attract a world of insects.
Yeah.
They leave a little puddle in the bottom.
They smell weird when they're falling off after day three.
Because there's always like a fruit that, like everybody goes for the strawberries.
Sure.
And then maybe the pineapple.
Who wants melon?
No one wants melon.
Nobody wants melon.
So what are you supposed to do?
Oh, Dave likes melon.
Oh, he's a cantaloupe.
Sure.
He's a melon baller.
But you can't keep the reference.
Did you surprise yourself with that reference?
I said that.
It seemed like you were going to.
Yeah, I've balled a few melons.
I don't like that as a euphemism.
What, balling a melon?
Balling?
No, balling.
Oh, sure.
Any kind of balling.
Balling as a word for sexing.
For sexing.
But bawling isn't also, if you're bawling, isn't that a thing like you've got a lot of money or something?
You're a baller.
You're a straight, you're a shot caller.
Yeah.
You're a little bit taller.
I wish I was a little bit taller.
I wish I was a baller.
I wish I had a girl who looked good.
I would call her.
Rabbit, hat, bat.
Is it if the girl who looked good, I would call her?
I thought it was if I had a girl, if I did, I would call her.
Oh.
Man, you may have just blown over my whole Ski-Lo universe.
I was confused about that because I think in the video, he was playing basketball.
So I was like is does he mean
that kind of baller oh right because you certainly would want to be taller for that but is that like
or does he want to be a rich baller or just a basketball i think it might be a catch-all
yeah oh yeah yeah i mean like the video director was like just in case somebody
thinks it's basketball let's include that element in there. He has a red herring.
Cover all those bases. Those ball bases.
Where's Ski-Lo now? Does anybody
know? I don't know. What's he been up to?
Was he just the one hit?
I think so.
But what a hit. I think maybe Ski-Lo
ate Ski-Lo.
It's very possible.
Right now,
he's in his,
his intestines.
Oh,
he's still working
his way through.
Yes.
It's hard to break down
that protein.
See,
like,
in my mind,
when Dave said that,
I thought that
Scello was like a really,
like a really skinny guy
and then he ate Scello
and then doubled in size.
That's why he's so wide.
But in your version,
he's just digesting them
like you would regular food.
Yeah, yeah.
He didn't eat them in one bite.
He eats other things, too.
He didn't just eat a Scyllo
and then he's fine forever.
Scyllo is a meal you savor over a while.
Yeah, you section him off, you freeze him.
You're not going to eat him in one meal?
Sure.
In one meal-o?
Yay!
Yay!
We win, you guys!
Let's go!
Yeah, we won at podcasting!
Yay!
So you are also, in addition to being a podcaster, you're an actress.
I am.
You're on Children's Hospital.
Yes, I return again this season.
Yeah, that's what, three seasons?
Yes, yes.
And so, like, I don't know that I've ever met, like, a real Hollywood actress, right?
Because, like, all of them are like, I do comedy and then I do a little bit of acting.
But you're an actual,
you go out on auditions and you're an actual actress.
We had Renee Russo on the show.
That's true. My apologies.
She's a big fan of the show.
Where is she now?
She sits down the street.
She's in Redhead Heaven.
Redhead Heaven? Who else is there?
Richie Cunningham.
Sure.
God rest his soul.
That's not like, you're not saying it's heaven.
It sounds like just a club.
Like, they're not dead.
Oh, yeah.
No, they're not dead.
Oh, okay.
But after they can't be in movies anymore, after, you know.
It's like a field that you send your.
Oh, I see.
You send a horse out to pasture.
And then you can be in movies again after you're like 70.
But there's like 15 years in the middle where there's no roles for women.
I heard David Caruso's been there.
He's been marked?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
After CSI is done.
Off to the ranch.
Pops.
The glue factory.
Did you know that there's a lot of glue that are made out of redheads?
Your school glues.
Sure.
Not your industrial glues.
That's sparkly glue, I think.
Sure.
Very strong.
Adhesive.
Yeah, yeah.
One of our greatest adhesives.
Sure.
One of our greatest experts.
We salute you.
How is it?
How is it in general being an actress in Hollywood?
Is it a satisfying thing? Is it a grind? Is it...
Right now it feels pretty good.
Mm-hmm.
But that's also kind of like...
You're on a hilarious show.
Yeah, I've been really fortunate of like being able to work with like friends.
Yeah.
And like quality, in my opinion, quality shows.
Yeah.
So I've been really lucky in that way and also awesome also
it's like for me it's definitely different than like a normal i don't say normal but like
i come from like a community like from the upright citizens brigade theater in la and that that
inherently is like a family and a support system whereas maybe somebody who's just coming um out of
acting school a university of four year and is is is just an actress and doesn't do improv or
doesn't do russo yeah like a redhead russo a ginger russo as i call her ginge ginge ginso
um that's kind of tea very popular in vancouver yeah ginso tea um i think it's it's a different
situation you know and i also it's like i i mainly i mainly go out for comedic roles
and that's also a different animal i mean i want to do other things but i that's kind of where i
most of my roles that i go for are comedic roles
that's great it's it's it's more it's fun it's really fun and and i i mean i definitely ride
the like i'm a minority till like i'll always like it's like i get i get into rooms because
you know they want to try to spice it up there's a lot of Laotian screenplays floating around, right? So many
of you guys are just mired in notes
right now.
It's
just the same movies, except you put Lao
in front of it. So it's like,
Lao Ghost Rider.
It takes longer to figure out.
Is it true that you were considered for the lead
in Lao Ghost Rider?
Lao Fantastic Four?
Yeah, I was all the Fantastic Four.
You were all wow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lao Storm.
Lao.
Go on.
Mr. Bendy Man.
Darius.
Lao Rockhead.
Mr. Bendy Man.
Yeah.
Lao Rockhead, yeah.
When was he ever known as Mr. Bendy Man? Oh, in the 80s. Mr. Fantastic was known as Mr. Bendy Man. Lao Rockhead. Was he ever known as Mr. Bendy Man?
Oh, in the 80s.
Mr. Fantastic was known as...
Mr. Bendy Man.
And who's the fourth one?
The torch. The human torch.
Johnny Lao.
And let's not forget the rise of the Lao Silver Surfer.
Yeah.
I heard Lao Charlie
don't surf.
Never mind.
What?
What was that?
It was a Vietnam Lao.
Oh, sure.
Look, I'm in Southeast Asia a lot.
Yeah, yeah.
I get confused.
Are you?
No, not at all.
You've been.
You've been to Vietnam.
My brother just got back from Vietnam.
Oh, cool.
From the war.
From the war.
He was a POW?
He was there for Tet.
Really? Yeah. Wow.
Was he there for Tet?
Really? Yeah.
What is Tet? Tet is the
New Year.
But he traveled to Vietnam
for the celebration
of Tet. Yeah.
My brother's wife is Vietnamese,
and his kids had never been to Vietnam.
They're like three and five-ish.
And the cutest.
Are you kidding me?
Oh, boy.
And they... I haven't actually talked to him since he's been back,
but I imagine it was quite the shock for them
because they live in Seattle,
and so to go to Vietnam and it's...
There's no tossed salad.
There's no scrambled eggs.
Yeah.
But, I mean, I'm sure...
Are they boys and girls?
They're both girls. They were treated like little princesses
by all the family.
The kids had a great time.
Is that the extended family
goes crazy? Oh, nuts.
Sure, nuts. I'm sure, yeah.
Oh, I'm not worried about that.
You were worried that they were going to be ignored?
No, they are noted on.
They are.
Yes.
And they deserve it.
Yeah, they are pretty.
All of the children deserve it.
Oh, what about the ugly ones?
Even the ugly ones?
The uggos?
Yeah, the uggos.
Thank you for using a parlance that we use here in Canada.
Let's take the word back.
Let's take it back, guys.
That's our mission.
We the Yuggos.
Now, before the show...
Wah.
Wah.
Wah.
That's your catchphrase.
That's a Hollywood catchphrase.
Wah.
They're like, who's up next? Is it Kulab?
I go, wah.
Classic Kulab.
I storm out.
You use it in auditions?
And I never work.
It's a classic Kulab storm out.
Wah.
Smash.
When we invite guests on the show, we frequently, unless they are someone we know really well,
we'll ask them what they would like to drink.
Yes.
And you said light beer.
Yes.
And we are familiar with the idea of light beer.
But we were like cavemen trying to discover fire.
We did not know of light beer.
And that is so interesting to me because now I just feel like, like oh actress is just trying to get you know
low caloric well that is it's not true that's what i'm asking for yeah i need a low calorie
buzz absolutely but it's so prevalent yeah well i it's in the states we have commercial like we
see the american commercials for bud light and mill Light and Coors Light. But that's not a thing here.
You guys don't... There was Bud Light Lime was big because there was lime in it.
Bud Light Lime is so good.
Bud Light Lime, that's the drink of summer.
Yeah.
But what time of year is it?
I don't think you can get it outside of summer.
Yeah, I would totally like a Bud Light Lime, but I think just one.
Don't sell one packs here.
Oh, yeah.
You can't go into...
Can you do that in the States?
Just go into the States and buy a beer?
Well, it's going to be like a 40.
Oh, that's pretty great.
That's a lot of Bud Light Lime.
Yeah.
That's a whole day right there.
But the liquor store only had Coors Light and Stella Artois Light.
Which, when you handed it to me, I was like, this is amazing.
This is it, right?
But I literally, I went, I was in the liquor store and I got my phone out and went on Wikipedia
and looked up light beer.
Like, what qualifies as light beer?
But you wrote to me and you said, what, do you know a light beer?
A Canadian one?
I don't think, I can't think of a Canadian one.
Well, I was going to go to the... There's like this really
fancy beer store by my house. I was going to go
ask them, like, do you guys have
a fancy light beer?
It became a whole thing. It obsessed us.
I can't believe that! That's so
crazy to me. Because I'm just like, yeah, but like,
you know, whatever. Which is just
like, it's
essentially piss water. It's just so like...
Oh, well, now why would they sell that?
I mean, it's just, like, watered down beer.
I mean, that's it.
But we were talking, there was one brand that I remembered
that was called Molson's 67,
which was, I think it was 67 calories.
Some calories.
Yeah.
And I don't think it exists.
I think maybe some guy's got some dusty ones in his garage.
Yeah, some stubbies.
So, like, is it, are you guys not, like, I mean, also, I live in California.
Mm-hmm.
And, but it's just.
I've seen your commercials featuring Betty White.
Whoa.
That cut.
Yes.
Set up and delivered.
So, like, is it, are you guys not as body conscious?
Oh, people are.
But not about beer.
I guess not.
Vancouver, I would say, is probably, like, of Canada, maybe Toronto, but, like, the most in shape city in the country.
And, like, very outdoorsy.
Yeah.
Stanley Park.
Stanley Park.
The local mountains have a lot of activity.
Yeah.
Grouse Mountains.
We also have, we were, the city was voted like the third worst dressed city in the world.
What?
Oh yeah.
Well deserved.
Oh.
Because this is, do you have Lululemon in the state? Yes. This is the home office of Lululemon in the state?
Yes
This is the home office of Lululemon
This is where Lululemon was invented
And so yoga is a big thing in Vancouver
Yes
I've decided that I should be a warrior woman
We don't have to talk about that
No no we should
But I'm like
Now interested
I feel like I'm, like, now interested.
I'm, like, I feel like I'm a woman now, so I deserve to look nice when I work out.
So now I know what Lululemon is, what, like, Zella.
I'm, like, I just, things need to, the fabrics are important now as I sweat.
And they, you know, because they invented, as far as I know, Lululemon invented the yoga pant that didn't show off your butt crack, right?
That was their famous thing. And it elevates.
Your spirit.
It elevates your spirit.
That's the slogan.
It plays U2's Elevation
every time you put it on.
It's really annoying to everybody in the class.
People are like, am I watching the
Laura Croft movie?
It's my Lululemon.
Sorry, guys.
Downward dog.
Is that what people do in yoga?
I don't take yoga.
I'm doing a downward dog.
Yeah, everybody says it as cute as possible.
The instructor says,
say the position you're going to do,
but like a fun kid would say it.
Ha ha ha, downward dog.
Like you're making fun of everybody else.
You're doing a downward dog.
I've only done yoga the once.
Yeah, Dave and I at MaxFunCon, which is, we're part of the Maximum Fun Network podcast.
which is uh we're part of the maximum fun network podcast we went to max fun con and there was a early morning yoga class offered every day of the of the car we went like we went once how do you
guys do how'd you feel i tried to stand on my head and i hurt my neck real bad let me see so you've
done nothing and you're like i'm gonna do this move yeah yeah he said not to try it but he was
doing it so i was like, this guy can do it.
But he was also the instructor.
He had grabbed every element of this.
It was really stupid. It wasn't Dave saying
this. It was the guy who
runs the class.
But I was like, if one
can do it, then we could all
give it a go. Sure, if the human body
can do it, I have a human body.
I guess that's
inspiring. Yeah, well, it was
until I really hurt my neck. And I told the guy
afterwards, he was like, how'd you like the yoga
class today? I was like, I really hurt my neck trying
to do that thing. He was like, I was just showing
people that thing. You weren't supposed to do it.
You took that as a challenge.
Yeah, a challenge.
And I did it. A gauntlet being thrown down
Yeah
This guy's not going to show me up in this yoga class
That I'm wearing khaki shorts to
Yeah, the only thing I really remember
About it was getting super sunburned
Oh yeah, because it was outside
It was on like a Sunday
Yeah, I was like, oh, the sun won't be out yet
Guys, it's always out
Oh man SPF it Good morning. Yeah, I was like, oh, the sun won't be out yet. Guys, it's always out. Oh, man.
Oh, that's true.
Oh.
S-B-F-It.
Mm-hmm.
Guys, what if the sun's inside and we're outside?
Whoa, you blew it.
My mind.
You blew it.
Open parentheses.
Let me be clear.
Let there be no mistake.
It was my mind.
It was my mind?
It was my mind.
It was blown.
Twas my mind.
Twas my mind. Twas blown.
So Lululemon comes from here, so everybody's wearing, or all the ladies, though.
All the ladies.
All the single ladies.
But there's a lot of, in the summertime, if you go to the beaches here, this city is,
it's like overwhelmed with good looking, in shape people.
To the point that now that, I don't know, you see a good looking person, you're kind
of like, I don't know, I kind of want them to look a bit weird, you know, just to set
them, because there's like model ladies everywhere.
It's kind of like LA in that respect, but.
But they're not so like worried about clothing, which is not bad, guys.
It's not.
That's.
Good on you.
That's true.
But I think also the
the men folk have accounted for a lot of why vancouver was on the worst list right it wasn't
just i think it was that was the only thing mentioned in the article but it's also there's
a lot of ladies here like more i think than most cities wear uggs like uggs are overly popular
well there's oh california there's too many Uggs. Well, I do not disagree.
But there are too many.
But in Vancouver, people are wearing Uggs that are soaked.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But the thing is that everyone wears the yoga pants.
Like, your waitress in a restaurant will be wearing them.
I'm wearing a pair of them under these guys.
Yeah.
A secretary wears them.
Yeah.
Gotta keep it tight.
You gotta elevate.
A secretary wears them. Yeah.
Gotta keep it tight.
You gotta elevate.
Well, but then, so...
Okay, do you guys do, like...
Do you have, like, the skinny margaritas?
Is that a thing here?
No.
We might.
Yeah, I mean...
When was the last time we went out for margaritas, Dave?
It was a long time ago.
Oh, okay.
We did a Sex and the City night.
Yeah.
I was Miranda.
We drank some skinny bitch cocktails.
Is that a thing?
It is.
And we went bowling because we didn't know what happened next.
What are the skinny margaritas?
Okay.
So it's pre-made.
Okay.
First of all, it's a brand by one of the real housewives.
Okay.
Yeah.
The skinny bitch.
Yeah.
The skinny bitch.
Oh, she went on a bus tour.
Oh, what's her name?
Oh.
Bethany Frankel.
Bethany Frankel. She was on The Apprentice as well. Oh, she went on a bus tour. Oh, what's her name? Bethany Frankel. Bethany Frankel.
She was on The Apprentice as well.
Oh, yeah.
I think originally.
Well done.
Well done, all of us.
And so it's like if you drink a whole bottle of it, which is already pre-mixed.
The tequila's already in there.
So you just pour it in a martini glass?
Yeah, you just pour it over ice.
Over crushed ice.
Yeah.
Sure.
Sure.
And then a whole bottle, Weight Watchers points, is four points.
So it's, like, amazing.
So was it designed, is it like Weight Watchers recommends if you need to get drunk?
Not even, though.
But, I mean, it was designed to be super, like, because normally, okay, I, because I've
been on Weight Watchers.
What?
And so I know i know i need
yeah i need to get back on it like shut up no i was saying it you know what i meant no no he meant
you've been on weight watchers you should get back on it that's what i thought it's super implied
that's what i thought thank you very rude i know i'm that's you know guys you know that's not what
i meant right right i was like ladies you know that's what i meant fellas i didn't mean it ladies um but yeah like okay because the normal margarita
is a crazy amount of we know how weight watchers works i mean you said four points and i assume
that i know how many points do you get in a day well i got something like 27 or 29 it all depends on like how much you weigh how much
you want to lose how bad you want it do you love yourself or not so that that's a whole battery of
tests that you have to do and then they download it to an app yeah it tells you exactly but that
not before they do like you have a lie detector test.
They make you go through a CAT scan.
They interview your friends.
It's grueling.
They test your thetan levels.
Yes, they do.
They make you go through a CAT scan.
This is very expensive.
It's so expensive.
So you got, what, 27? 27, but, like, my husband. It's so expensive. So you got, what, 27?
27.
But my husband, it's easier for guys.
I know Jennifer Hudson makes you think, she lost a lot of weight.
She makes me think a lot of things.
She makes you think a lot about life and where you are.
But for instance, my husband, Scott Aukerman, he lost 40 pounds and I lost 10 pounds.
And it's just not fair.
And he gets more points.
He's also twice my size. We don't have to
talk about that. But...
But can you do the thing like, hey, you didn't use
all your points today. Can I have some of your
points? Right?
You gonna finish those? Yeah, you only
use 25 points.
I'm gonna take your 15
from today. We'll be all even.
See, that's the thing is that that's how I think.
And where he's just like, I won't have this.
I've got it.
I can cut this out.
I have such an emotional thing where it's like, how come I can't have this?
Why can't I have this?
I deserve this.
It's so emotional where he's just like, boom.
All right, this is what I have to do.
That's what dudes do.
They're the worst.
They're the worst. You guys are the worst.
Oh.
Graham's in the middle of menopause.
Yeah.
Oh, man, don't get me started.
Now, like, how much is a pan of fudge?
Is that like a point?
Is that like a full point?
Yeah.
All your points?
I mean, it might be for the week.
I don't know.
Skinny bitch fudge.
Oh, my God.
Do they have skinny bitch fudge?
Oh, I want some skinny bitch fudge right now.
Oh, man.
Now that I brought it up.
Dave, do you have any fudge in the house?
Is it around the corner?
Yeah.
You've got to find the milk and the lemonade first.
You ask them.
They'll tell you where to go.
There's two milks, one lemonade.
I'm like, that's really interesting that that's not like light alcoholic drinks are not a thing here.
I think that it is.
I think that people who, I think a lot of lady folk that I know drink wine.
Oh, yeah.
As opposed to, they just don't drink beer.
Well, I've started drinking wine just out of...
Fear.
Well, no, just out of like...
Wait, why are you afraid?
I'm too full.
Yeah. Like, I'll finish a big meal and be like, well, I can't drink a beer now.
I'm going to explode.
So it's survival.
Yeah.
How am I going to get drunk?
Self-preservation.
Yeah.
With a goal.
So I've started doing heroin.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, okay.
And it takes the weight right off.
Yeah.
It's like negative 10 points.
Because inherently, you know, you're working out by just, your movement is rapid.
Well, you're chasing the dragon.
Sure, you certainly.
You're stealing some stereos.
You gotta keep it cheap.
The heart rate goes up during that.
You're doing the Ewan McGregor workout.
Isn't he dreamy? Oh, right.
When he was so skinny.
The skinny jeans.
The suppository.
Dave, what's going on with you?
Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. We really went
down. No, no. That's the show.
That came out of you saying where you were at.
That's absolutely the show.
Okay. What's up with you? Here's what's up with me.
In my neighborhood, I've
lived here like since
2003. Great year.
Right? What was going
on that year? 2003. Everybody name
your favorite thing from 2003.
Go.
I was 23. And
that's a great year.
I heard nobody loves you when you're 23.
Is that true? Is that true?
I don't know. I've never heard that.
Is that a song?
I'm not Blink-182.
Oh, that's right.
Oh, right.
What's my age again?
Yeah.
What's my age again?
That's all I got.
Maybe that song was popular.
All right.
Maybe it was.
It was a year away from my brain being fully developed on an average.
Oh, really?
Our brains are fully developed at 24.
Oh, that's a bummer.
I think we were all born in the same year.
Yeah. Ready? One, two, three. One, two, three. Year of the Monkey. Year of the 24. Oh, that's a bummer. I think we were all born in the same year. Yeah.
Ready?
One, two, three, 80.
Year until monkey.
Oh!
So, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you and I.
I mean, you are an old man.
He's an old woman, actually.
He said I was going through a menopause.
Yeah, that's right.
So, I've lived here, I guess that's almost nine years.
It's about nine years.
Yeah.
What are we, 2012?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I didn't move here in January.
And the whole time I've lived here, it's been kind of sketchy.
It's always bothered me that there's been sort of like no nice restaurant, no nice...
There've been like... Why can't this neighborhood have nice things?
Yeah, there's a lot of...
When I moved here, we saw the same hookers over and over again.
So much so that we gave them nicknames.
Let me hear their names.
The only two I remember are Stumbles.
Oh, yeah, Stumbles.
And Fat J-Lo.
Who was very popular in 2003. Oh, yeah, Stumbles. And Fat J-Lo. Who was very popular in 2003.
Oh, man.
That's right.
Fat J-Lo or J-Lo?
Both.
You think she'd be less fat.
Or she's fat because she's eating a lot.
She can't afford it.
She was taking the word back.
Have you seen the J-Lo commercials for Venus?
Yes.
Leg shavers?
Yes.
There's the worst line in there, which is, it's all about putting your best foot forward,
followed by your most beautiful leg.
Yeah.
Yeah, right?
That is so wonky.
Put your most beautiful leg forward.
Don't chop off your foot and throw it forward of you.
That is so not-
Have it all at the same time.
It's not snappy. No. She's the same time. It's not snappy.
No.
She's not snappy.
She's not snappy.
Those Fiat commercials are so annoying.
And they're fake.
You've heard that story, right?
What do you mean?
They're fake.
They're cardboard.
Well, yeah, she's driving around a cardboard car.
My TV's cardboard?
Yep.
The whole thing's a puppet show.
You know, she's driving around in the Bronx? Is that where she's from? yep the whole thing's a puppet show you know
she's driving around
in the
Bronx
is that where she's from
Southside Bronx
yeah
Jenny from the block
but
she filmed her part
on a back lot
in Los Angeles
and then they shot
the exteriors
so she was never
driving around
in the Bronx
that's all
but the whole
commercial was
this is me
in the Bronx
this is how I feel
about connection to my neighborhood.
She never went back to the Bronx at all.
So she's a phony baloney.
She's real.
I'm real.
She's real.
Real.
Good work.
Okay, so Fat J-Lo was a going going entity at the time i hope she's doing well
yep uh i hope she got only watches um now uh and like the only restaurants that were really around
there was one that was a uh vietnamese uh like faux restaurant. But it wasn't a real Vietnamese place.
It was clearly a Vietnamese mafia.
It was pho, like as in pho.
It was a pho restaurant.
Yes, a pho run.
It was a pho run.
A pho run.
Every time we went in there, they always kind of looked a little nervous that actual customers were in there.
Because everyone else in there was a gangster.
So you look like a cop.
I guess so, yeah.
Every time I ordered, they would say, you know, you have to tell me if you're a cop.
You also carried a servo revolver at the time.
Yeah, I was wearing those weird suspender holsters.
And everyone else in the restaurant was, like, smoking, which is illegal.
Yeah.
And so that place eventually got shut down and replaced by actually a pretty nice restaurant.
And then there was this other place.
There's no place to drink, which doesn't bother me because I don't really like to leave the house.
But there was one place where you could...
So you're a shut-in.
Yeah.
Just watching people from the window, like, fat J-Lo and your binoculars.
I think she wasn't watching you back.
She knew.
One time, I did see a hooker in my neighborhood a couple days ago.
Like, I looked at a woman as I was driving by and I was like, oh, she's dressed awfully
revealingly.
And then she smiled at me
and I was like, okay, I know what that means.
And you looked the other way going,
oh, shake your head really hard.
You drove your car into a tree.
Created a diversion.
The only place that would serve alcohol
in the neighborhood would serve it until four in the morning.
And it was a
Chinese restaurant that was also
a front.
And then six people got shot there.
Yeah, there was like a huge gang shooting there.
And now that is a nice
pizza place. Like a lot of nice restaurants
and nice...
We finally have a coffee place
in the neighborhood and it's all great.
And then there's a sushi place that we went to in the summer, and it was okay.
We got there the first day that it was open.
And so we decided to go back recently, and we went there, and it smelled so bad.
Oh, and a sushi place.
It smelled like a...
Abby thought it was an aquarium, and I thought it smelled like a chemical toilet.
But it's a really small place, and so as soon as we walked in.
So it could have been both of those things.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a really small place, so as soon as we walked in, they seated us.
And, like, we didn't want to, I didn't want to say anything out loud, because it was so small, the staff would hear us.
So I got my phone out, and I texted my wife sitting right next to me.
I wrote, hey, does this place smell?
Should we go?
Does it smell really bad in here?
And she just nodded at me, and so we just walked out without saying anything to them.
That's smart.
Now, is that right around on Kingsway?
That's on Kingsway, yeah.
Because that's the site of the place where I was walking home, I think from here, many years ago.
And I saw two elderly Asian men getting in a fist fight.
And they both took off their shoes before they got in a fight.
I wish I was there.
I wish I was there.
Oh, man.
I wish you guys were both there.
It'sumite rules
yeah i felt like i felt really uh like i was just taking it all in by myself and it was
it felt unfair to the universe that i got to see it yeah nobody else did but it was great two
unicorns fighting and you look around no one else can witness it with you two old guys but they took
off their shoes first it was great honorable yeah yeah's very honorable. Yeah. I love your neighborhood.
It was when I took a cab from my hotel.
And I just, first of all, I think Vancouver is beautiful.
I got engaged here.
I don't know.
I have a little spot in my heart.
That's a fun story.
You brought that up before the podcast.
Yeah.
Where did that happen?
That happened on the water.
Actually, Will Davis from the Comedy Fest, he set up a sunset cruise.
Wait, wait, wait.
There was already a cruise happening.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, he didn't set it up like Alan Funt.
He didn't.
He set it up.
He made the reservation for Scott.
Oh, okay. I had no idea. Really had no idea really no that's pretty romantic i had no idea um and we've been together for a very long time when we got engaged
we were together for nine years wow so but when i i think like the year before I started kind of like turning the screw of like, we need to get married.
And with that is like these like jokes.
Yeah.
Jokes and making fun and which I essentially did at that dinner.
Just going, oh, man, my finger is so cold.
Oh, my finger is so cold, Scott.
What if he just gave you a weird finger sock?
Right?
That could have backfired.
I got this on Etsy.
Yeah.
I got you this twee finger sock.
Thank you.
And just like being stupid and going like, oh, man, you know, it's not fair.
It's like if I could ask you to marry me, then it would be done.
But now I got to wait for you.
Like just being a complete asshole.
You cannot.
Leap Day is coming up.
When women can ask men for...
Women can propose on Leap Day.
Can't we propose anyway, though?
I don't know.
No, there's only two days.
Leap Days and Sadie Hawkins Days.
Those are the two days where a woman...
You can either ask someone to dance or be your husband. Yeah, exactly. Those are the two days where a woman... You can either ask someone to dance
or be your husband.
Yeah, exactly.
Those are the two days
where women be steering the ship.
So you were on a ship.
You were whining about your finger.
I was.
It was a beautiful...
Like, we would go...
We went upstairs
and just the sun set.
We had dinner.
I'm being a real asshole. Then he brings me upstairs and he's just like being really sweet and just the sun set i had dinner i'm being a real asshole then he brings me upstairs
and he's just like being really sweet and just like started saying like really nice things i'm
like what's going on right now this is different am i on a prank show yeah and like you can see
the stars it's it's night now and he turns to me and there's a like a jewelry case i'm like
what is happening and he asked me to marry him and the first thing i said
um well first i burst into tears oh not into laughter good not into laughter i burst into
tears and went i'm so sorry i'm an asshole No! I'm just crying.
I have a photo of me with like, pointing to my finger.
This like ugly, ugly cry face.
And then I said yes.
And the rest is history.
Herstory.
Both of you guys.
Only on Leap Year.
Yeah, that's right. Leap Day. February 29th is National Herstory? Both of you guys. Only on Leap Year. Yeah, that's right. Leap Day.
February 29th
is National Herstory Day.
Ladies, enjoy it.
Bleeding.
Oh, wow. You guys both
got engaged in Vancouver. Yeah, that's true.
We are so alike.
How long have you been married?
One, not even a year.
Six months. And after how long of dating?
A long time.
We dated for 11 years.
Yeah, you gotta let it marinate.
Yeah, you gotta see.
Well, we started dating when we were 19, so we...
I was 19, too.
We are the same person.
How many points do you have on Weight Watchers, Dave?
No, he's a boy.
It's not fair.
I'm drinking a non-light beer.
Oh, let's a boy. It's not fair. I'm drinking a non-light beer. Oh, let's switch lives.
So yeah, that was my most recent adventure in...
Oh, I love this neighborhood.
Oh, yeah.
I love the homes.
I think the homes are so pretty.
Yeah, they're beautiful.
Old, kind of gigantic homes that used to belong to millionaires.
Where'd they go?
They're all duplexes and triplexes now.
Where'd the millionaires go?
They're all here.
They all own these houses.
Back in the day, they used to own them like it was just one house.
Yes.
And now it's like five houses in one house.
Now, Graham, let's get to know you.
We recorded a podcast three days ago.
Here's what happened in those three days.
Oh, four days ago.
Four days ago.
We recorded on Valentine's.
There used to be, in Vancouver, I don't know if you ever saw this guy, but he was probably
the only busker I've ever seen where I actually stayed around for a second set of...
Dessert. Yeah. I was like, I actually stayed around for a second set of... Dessert.
Yeah.
I was like, I actually enjoy this.
I'm going to stick around.
And I actually gave money and stuff.
Oh, wow.
It's this guy.
He wears spandex and he breakdances.
Spandy Andy?
Spandy Andy.
Now, have I talked about Spandy Andy on the podcast before?
I don't know.
I know the name before.
I maybe have never seen him, but I know he's like a local celebrity.
Spandy Andy is like a
Vancouver institution. Yeah, it's weird
that there's a local celebrity who wears
something other than a Lululemon
patch. But at the same time, it's spandex.
It's close enough.
His slogan is keep it tight and bright
because he wears very bright spandex
and he does amazing,
really great dance routines. He's got a giant
boom box.
SpandyAndy.. Is he a webster?
HispandyAndy.com.
Okay.
Is he a brother?
He is a little, slight white man with gigantic glasses.
Love it.
He, I go on Reddit often, and there's these things on Reddit called the- This is a website?
Website.
They have Ask Me Anythings.
Big celebrities have done them.
Oh, yeah.
Louis C.K. did one of note recently.
Woody Harrelson did one that was embarrassingly bad.
But celebrities will go on and they'll say,
just anybody who uses this website,
ask me any question and I'll try and answer it.
And the other day, Spandy Andy's Ask Me Anything was at the top page.
Wow.
And so I clicked on it and there was a video.
He had gone to Australia and filmed the video there.
And it had like 700,000 views.
Wow.
So our Spandy Andy, he got employed by Marineland.
So he just goes around and does his awesome dance routines.
For fish. For fish.
For fish.
He does it for the whales.
He does it for the manatees.
These are all fish.
Well, a manatee's not a fish, is it?
It's a mammal.
Yeah.
Sea cow.
Other fish.
Sea cow.
Sea cow.
Yeah.
And sea cow milk is...
I'm not making a point at all.
I'm just saying sea cow in different ways.
No, no, no.
Maybe this time when I say it, he'll say yes.
Sea cow. Let me try it. Let me try it. Sea cow. Oh. There you go. No, no, no. Maybe this time when I say it, he'll say yes. Let me try.
Let me try.
Sea cow.
Oh.
There you go.
You did it.
Oh, you mean manatees?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
They're my favorite fish.
Yeah.
Or the other one is a quikwang.
Quikwang?
What?
Wait a minute.
That's the sea cow.
Wait a minute.
The sea cow in the Arabian Sea.
The sea cow of the sea.
It's a special kind of sea cow?
Quikwang?
Quikwang? Sounds like you're making it up more and more the more you say it
cool up
oh the cool up
cool up
I've only
never heard it I've only seen it
written but guys it is
just look at the most recent
National Geographic
you'll see.
You'll see what I'm talking about. You're assuming that's in there, right?
No, no, no. I have a subscription.
Yeah. I'm a doctor's
office. I am a doctor's office.
I am a doctor's office. I'm a doctor's
office. So.
People are inside of me all the time.
And instruments.
Go ahead. Sure. And examining tables. Let's list all the and instruments go ahead
sure
and examining tables
let's list all the things
charts
eye charts
weird posters
of the inside of your body
yes
folders
vials of blood
grumping
receptionists
things inside
a doctor's office
you got it
ding ding ding ding ding
so anyways Spandy Andy's doing really well
and I just felt like that was
you know he's one of our locals
done good
I didn't I you know
are you a little bit jealous
well what did my spandex act
never took off quite like his
I think he's a bit of a punchline
like
every busker.
But he is the first.
Legitimately, he's the first busker that I ever like.
I was like, I am actually enjoying watching this.
So he's got skills.
He's got skills.
And now he can pay the bills.
Yeah.
Yeah, now he's working at Marine Land.
He's got skills to pay the gills.
Oh, because Marines. Wait, explain. Yeah, Kwe he's got skills to pay the gills. Oh, because Marines.
Wait, explain.
Yeah.
Kwee Kwongs don't have gills.
I was trying to remember what it was.
Kwee Kwongs.
Kwee Kwongs.
And I was like, it's not really called a Kool-Off, is it?
Well, now they are.
Yeah, yeah.
The mysterious Kool-Off.
So, Spandy Andy, we salute you. Yeah.y we salute you yeah i mean that to me was the
greatest thing that happened this week who are your other favorite local buskers uh who's number
two oh number two oh i mean it's a huge gap right spandy andy is my number one do you count like
mariachi guys in a mexican restaurant as bus? No. Anything indoors is, I don't know, some other subset.
They have to be outdoors.
There's a guy that plays ACDC covers on Granville Street with a little speaker.
I guess he would be my number two.
He's like a really old guy.
There's a guy, I think in one of the SkyTrain stations, there's downtown, there's a guy
who plays like steel drums. Steel drum guy, there's, downtown, there's a guy who plays, like, steel drums.
Steel drum guy, yeah.
He's, but he's seasonal.
Like, he's not a, he's not.
He plays only during Jamaican season.
He's on island time.
Et cetera.
But, yeah, so Spandy Andy.
In your hometown of Hollywood, California.
Yeah.
Are there any.
That's Busker Central, besides Australia.
Well, there's the...
There's like, you know, Angeline.
Right.
You guys know Angeline?
Oh, no.
She's a woman who has a billboard.
Yeah, she's just, over the years, I think the story is...
Okay, she definitely wanted to be an actress.
She's got sugar daddies.
And so those sugar...
Or at least one sugar daddy now.
Now these are like a sweet treat?
Uh-huh.
Is that what you call penises?
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Yes.
Yes.
That spray money everywhere?
Out of their penises.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Dave shook his head and then took a really, I would say, a sassy sip of his beer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But she drives, like, a pink Corvette that says Angeline.
And, I mean, I think she was a looker back in the day.
And now it's that weird plastic surgery sort of, like, age age still happens even no matter how hard you try to defy it and she just she's she's kind of a little bit
freakish yeah like a cat face just just so smooth that it's like too smooth but you're older and we
know that you're older and um face weird neck all. All right? She's still big. The billboards got small.
Yeah, well, the billboards aren't even,
they're like paintings.
Oh, so they're not-
They're not even like pictures.
They're like airbrushed paintings.
They're like Angeline.
Artists' renditions.
Yeah, exactly.
But what is it, Angeline?
It just says her name?
It just says her name,
and then I think a website and a phone number,
as if it's for bookings or something.
It's just like,
there's a couple of those types of weirdos,
like Melrose,
Larry green.
And just,
there's this,
so much as auditioners or just weird.
They're just weirdos though.
Who's Melrose,
Larry green.
He Melrose,
Larry green.
I think he's super right wing and he would always be a Melrose and have
like,
what was his deal?
Bunch of buttons on?
Wear a bunch of buttons?
I forget.
And then there was this other guy
who just had like,
his cars were just,
had like shit on them.
Like he'd just take,
and that was,
he'd have,
he'd just drive places
and he's just known for that.
But then even then,
he's like,
make a documentary about me
or I'm selling my documentary.
It's that, there's just so me, or I'm selling my documentary. A burning man.
There's just so many of those types of people.
Yeah.
Those people.
Those people.
Let's take them back.
What does that mean, Kula?
Why do I just say things?
It's cool.
These mics aren't on.
So there's the crazy buskers, but then there's also the people that dress like a movie character
in front of Man's Chinese Theater.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Right.
I think they're allowed back now.
For a time, they were not allowed.
Oh, I was like, oh, I thought they went on strike.
That would have been the greatest walkout ever.
What do we want?
We're not sure.
Something about Gotham.
There is a documentary about because, you know, you've seen that, right?
So they weren't allowed because they really do harass people.
So if like you take a photo, they really want something.
So for a while they were just banned, but I think they're slowly coming back.
I had a picture taken with a, like a weird assortment.
I think it was you know
like it was all people
in different universes
and it was like a
but it's a team up
yeah
it was like a
what do you call
Captain
from Pirates of the Caribbean
oh
Jack Sparrow
Jack Sparrow
and then
Superwoman
and then Bendy Man
was there
and then the Hulk
and then maybe
Freddy Krueger
was also oh yeah Freddy Krueger was also yeah freddy krueger
with real knives but someone got arrested because he had real knives in front of the man's chinese
like that's crazy i was there just after real knives i think that's why i was drawn to him
his real knives have been taken away you just had to look like real knives
ah good stuff do you want to move on to overheard well let's do an ad first
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But this week on the Jumbotron.
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This week on the Jumbotron, we have a wonderful, I really enjoyed this message.
It's a birthday message.
It is from Leaf Nordberg.
Love it.
You grew up in Minnesota
He's a Viking
He's the younger brother of
Jameson Nordberg
These are great names
Leif and Jameson, the Nordbergs
Leif and Jameson, that sounds like something out of a Wes Anderson film
It sounds super fake
You're right
Like Pinkerton Winterbottom.
The message is, happy 32nd birthday, Jameson.
Actually, the actual message is, happy 32nd birthday, you stupid jerk face.
There you go.
And a special thank you for breaking that windshield with my head when we were kids.
I'm not sure why I had to pay for it, and you didn't.
Right?
There's a lot of backstory there, I'm sure.
Yeah, but that's a brotherly...
Brothers, yeah.
Brothers.
There's a lot of Wes Anderson-esque backstory there.
Yeah, yeah.
Putting your head through a windshield?
There's all sorts of ways that that could happen with little brothers.
That's all they do.
They fight, and then something gets broken,
and then they try and learn their lesson, but then all they do. They fight. And then something gets broken and then
they try and learn their lesson. But then they fight again!
They probably broke more than a windshield.
You're an older brother. I'm a youngest brother.
Yeah.
What can you teach me?
I remember when I was very young
throwing a can of soup
at my brother's head.
Ow!
In the grocery store.
Right off the shelf.
The owl right in the aisle.
Yeah, gawk.
But that's the instinct.
I don't know what it is, but there's something primordial there.
You want to destroy the younger brothers.
And that seems like probably what happened there.
Yeah, and make them pay for the windshield.
Well, happy birthday, Jameson, you big jerk face
from your younger brother, Leaf.
Happy birthday, everyone.
Pardon me, I'm choking.
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Let's have a quick message
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That is all.
Overheard.
Uh,
overheard, overheard, overheard. And now, um, Overheard. Overheard.
Overheard.
Overheards.
Now, Overheards is a segment in which you relate things that you've overheard or overseen in your daily life.
Things maybe you're waiting in a lineup.
Maybe you're on a bus.
Maybe you're just at a giant party and you hear something hilarious.
Yeah, maybe you're on a boat you're about to be proposed to.
Yeah, and you hear something really funny.
Like, sorry, I'm an asshole.
Yes, I'll marry you.
Yeah, exactly.
I do wonder, there were other people upstairs.
Before we move on to overheards, it's time for my favorite segment in the show.
What?
A segment called Celebrity Birthday.
But before that segment, it's my favorite segment in the show,
something called Hulk Hogan News.
And this is each and every week
I bring you a new piece of news
regarding wrestling legend Hulk Hogan.
Okay, well then you need to know
that I used to work at Hulk Hogan's Pasta Mania
at the Mall of America.
What?
More information, please. Yeah yeah this is so great hulk hogan's pasta mania
is what first of all tell us what it is well obviously it's if you're a maniac for pasta
a hulkamaniac to be precise it was um in the food court in the Mall of America in the corner. There could
not be a smaller
food court space.
Half
of it was just
a cage filled with merch
and
It was a real cage match situation.
With Thunder
Road, his Hawaii
show.
Do you remember?
Oh, oh, oh.
Is it Thunder in Paradise?
Thunder in Paradise, you're right.
Yeah.
And that'd be playing a loop. But you could get tearaway shirts.
Oh, really?
Those are shirts that you can just say Hulkamania.
And then you tear it away, but you could only use it that one time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The one time you're really angry.
Or if you ate too much pasta.
Yeah, we just sold random merch and T-shirts.
And then...
Did he ever come in?
No.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
It's okay.
Oh, wow.
Oh, wow.
How many locations did they have?
There was the one, and it failed.
It's weird, though, because he...
Pasta Mania is still a place.
It's still a chain or a restaurant.
But not Hulk Hogan's Pasta Mania.
It's not Hulk Hogan affiliated.
Because he is not affiliated with Minnesota at all.
How did that work out?
I don't know.
I think he's from Florida, but he lives in...
Miami?
No. Oh, no, think he's from Florida, but he lives in... Miami? No.
Oh, no.
Maybe he's from Venice Beach.
He was born into Greece.
He was born at the working of...
Much like Aphrodite from the sea.
And immediately started lifting weights.
Yeah.
And wrestling.
Wrestling everything in sight.
His son killed a guy in
Miami, that's for sure.
Okay, how did he end up in
Minnesota?
It was a license deal, of course,
but he was there, in this
instance, for
a WWE...
They were having a big
exhibition.
A mania. A mania, if a mania of some kind of wrestling yeah
some kind of wrestling so i was wearing my my uniform which was of course yes my uniform
like this is why they didn't work out
a lot of sexual harassment lawsuits and And just a waste of just all these torn away shirts that we constantly have to dress.
And people are waiting.
Underage employees are exposing themselves.
Yeah, I was a ripe 14.
And we wore a tie-dye.
Red, of course, red and yellow tie-dye shirts to Hollywood's Pasta Mania.
Red cap.
And I was cooking pasta with the Macho Man, Randy Savage, rest in peace.
He touched the small of my back as we were cooking pasta together.
He said that he liked my name and then Hulk Hogan came and challenged him to a pasta eat-off at the Mall Rotunda.
Oh, man.
Oh, my God.
to eat off at the mall rotunda.
Oh, man. Oh, my God.
It's like, it's like,
it was like you were like,
it's the touch, touch by God.
Touch by an angel.
Yeah.
Oh, I do need to mention
that we sold Hulkaroni.
Okay.
Which was pasta, sheep.
Yeah, what's on the menu?
There was, gosh,
there was Hulkaroni
and then how did they,
how did they Hulk Stroganoff?
I can't remember how they said stroganoff stroga hulkanoff oh yeah yeah like how would you do it
maybe they just called it hulk stroganoff yeah hulk hulganoff hulganoff that's gotta be it yeah
the hulkaroni was shaped as as him putting up his two guns. Wow.
And I would just make this horrible, like,
they're like this cheese sauce, which was like flour.
Just like soap, like flour.
It was made out of prayers and vitamins.
Yeah, and some sort of powder.
And I'd just stir it up.
I go, I don't know.
I'm 14.
Okay. Wow. Sure. Well, okay.
Wow.
Wow, that really is, like, probably the best youth job.
I like your name.
Yeah.
Snap into a slinger.
I like your name, Gula.
And then, like, and then a pasta eating contest.
And then they had the pasta eating contest?
And the rotunda, so that, like, there's a, in the Mall of America, where, and all, there's
four levels, so you can look down.
Sometimes they have concerts there, and this time, they had a pasta eating contest between
the Macho Man and Hulk Hogan.
The root word there being Rotunda.
Rotunda.
I, uh, oh, man, I just wanna, there's so many things I want to get in a pasta eating
contest with somebody.
I, uh, man, you get to be macho, man.
That's like.
I'll have a pasta eating contest with you.
Uh, you'll win.
You're a fast eater.
Uh, can we just, can the contest just be who gets to eat the most delicious pasta?
That's a pretty good contest.
Wait, but then how do you, how do you decide who gets that? the most delicious pasta. That's a pretty good contest. But then how do you decide who gets that?
That's the prize.
Or you'll be the judge.
Okay.
Can it just be a Lady and the Tramp style kiss-off?
Oh, I like that.
I judge that to be it.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Well, you just, you know what?
You just won podcasting by that.
I did? Yeah. Oh, my God. Life is just, you know what? You just won podcasting by that. I did!
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Life is a competition.
Thank you so much.
Correction.
Life is a competition where you're the winner.
Yes!
I said corrected.
Anyways, Hulk Hogan news.
Okay.
Hulk Hogan is headed to New Zealand.
New Zealand.
New Zealand.
And he is very excited.
Quote him because he heard so many great things about New Zealand from his friends, the Bushwhackers.
Oh, that's beautiful.
That's poetry to my ears.
The Bushwhackers were the inbred looking Australian...
Duo.
Yeah, we all know their movements.
We're all doing it right now, listeners.
I'm so sorry.
But anyways, he's going down there to do some wrestling.
Yeah.
And he's super excited because of what he heard.
He's going to be the Lord of the Ring.
Oh!
Oh my gosh.
Trademark.
Trademark it!
Lord of the Squared Circle.
Then sue him for all his pasta.
Well, that is fantastic Hulk Hogan news.
Although, compared to the Hulk Hogan...
There's nothing.
That was Hulk Hogan history.
Yeah.
Honestly, there could be an entire curriculum of Hulk Hogan news.
Well, he had different phases.
I'm sorry.
He was Hollywood Hogan at one point.
Yes, he was a bad guy then.
Yeah, that's when he turned from a face
into a heel using wrestling parlance.
At any point was he a jabroni or a mark?
Oh, my God.
Like a mark, like a wrestling scam?
No, a mark.
I was...
One time at my work i i uh started i had to interview
i didn't have to i got to interview uh damian abraham who's the lead singer of uh the band
fucked up yes okay uh and he we just ended up talking about wrestling and uh he didn't know
i knew anything about wrestling and he said oh you're a mark and i didn't know I knew anything about wrestling and he said, oh, you're a mark. And I didn't know what that means,
but apparently it's a guy who knows stuff about wrestling.
Oh, wow.
Anyway.
Well, we're free.
Versus like, you know, when you're a con artist
and a mark is your victim.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know if that...
I'm sure I didn't use it properly.
At this point, I'm just dropping names. Yeah, it's true. You're just humble bragging is what I'm sure I didn't use it properly. At this point, I'm just dropping names.
You're just humble bragging is what I'm doing.
But everything after I was touched by Macho Man
comes off as the most humble of brags.
That makes it sound like touched by an angel.
Well, in my world.
My friend Jensen Karp used to write for WWE.
Trade me live, Trade me live.
Trade me live.
Yeah.
I think a guy.
I guess a lot of comedy people have.
Well, apparently in the conversation I was having, one of the guys from the band Broken Social Scene used to write for WWE.
Wow.
Amazing.
Oh, man.
That's the gig, right?
Yeah.
That's the gig we're all secretly hoping for.
I think this is a gig you should seek out.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Don't you think this is a great idea?
Yes.
You meet Stephanie McMahon, and you interview her and just wow her.
You know what?
I would just faint.
I would just faint.
Well, no.
Can't we prepare him so he won't faint?
I don't know.
He would have a good job.
I do a lot of fainting. I won't do a job. Okay, sure.
I do a lot of fainting.
I'll pretend I'm her.
Okay, you're her.
Okay.
Graham, this way.
This is Stephanie.
Oh, hello, Stephanie.
Hi, I'm Stephanie.
Oh, God, he fainted.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, wait, I'm out of my faint.
What happened?
Unfaint.
I guess my uncle...
Please pick up a folding chair and hit him up Yeah
I'm gonna use the unsleeper hold
Is she Vince McMahon's
Grandniece?
I don't know
I haven't watched wrestling since I was 11
Also great impression
Almost like dead on
My friend
is dating George Clooney.
Stacey Keebler.
Keebs.
Alright, now it's time, before we get back to overheards,
it's time for actual celebrity birthdays.
Oh, yeah. Oh, whose? This is very
important. We're recording this on February
18th. It's a Saturday
in a leap year. Ladies.
Big happy birthday to terrifying woman Jillian Michaels. 18th. It's a Saturday in a leap year. Ladies. Big
happy birthday to terrifying woman
Jillian Michaels.
It's 38 years old. She's from
The Biggest Loser. That's right.
My co-host Howard
Kramer participates
in her. He's done a cruise.
A Jillian Michaels cruise. He did comedy
in a Jillian Michaels cruise.
And he shall be doing a new Jillian Michaels-Cruz. He did comedy in Jillian Michaels-Cruz. And he shall be doing a new Jillian Michaels event coming up.
Well, you should let him know to wish her happy birthday today.
I will.
Brat Packer Molly Ringwald is 44 today.
Oh, wow.
When were we ever so young?
Well, she's in redhead heaven right now.
Out to pasture.
That's right.
Singer-songwriter Dr. Dre is 47 today.
Handsome actor Matt Dillon, 48.
And the answer...
Older than Dr. Dre.
One year.
Goodness.
They came up together in the same scene.
Yeah, yeah.
Right?
They were colleagues.
Detro.
The answer to this week's trivia question.
This actor and Scientologist has won the award for best Scientologist for the past three glenglons.
That is John Travolta is 58 today.
Oh.
I'm going to get him some hair plugs.
Also, past guest, Connor Haller's birthday today.
Oh.
Happy birthday.
Also a Scientologist.
Yeah.
Pretty Scientologist.
Now, overheards for real this time.
Yeah.
For real.
People love the digression pre-overheards.
If they didn't love that pasta mania talk, I don't want to talk to them.
Yeah.
Now, we were talking about overheards.
Yes.
You didn't have one, but now do you feel confident that you have one?
Yeah, it was more what I saw last night.
This is perfect.
So, I was standing with comedians Brody Stevens, Howard Kramer, and Brett Gelman as they were smoking weed.
and Brett Gellman as they were smoking weed.
And across the street on Granville,
where it says student housing is what the building is.
Okay.
Are there students in there?
Because they do not look like students.
I don't know this building.
It's like it's a backpackers.
Yeah, because like a lady walked out and we're like,
oh, that's a hooker.
That's definitely, most definitely a hooker. That's Fat J-Lo.
And then what's that shadow man doing in the hallway?
Just sort of lurking at us and then kind of slowly going down.
This is kind of scary because we were going to go to the railway bar.
And then the hooker came out again and this like this like guy with a guitar i think a busker
um like went up to her and then i think kelman was taking a photo or something and then all of
a sudden the guy was like you can't take pictures of me and he's across the street i'm a vampire
and he was like no no and he started kind of like a and Gellman's like, oh, I'm sorry. You know, hey, I don't want, you know, like, I'll erase it.
And the guy starts approaching us.
And we're like, oh, what?
What is happening?
And Gellman's like, no, no, you know, it's okay.
He starts approaching us, approaching us.
And then he slowly, like, he looks really angry.
And then he, like, pulls up his guitar.
And then he starts singing, every little thing is gonna be all right.
And we're like, what?
And we're like, what?
And we're looking at each other like,
how did this come to here?
And he just was like serenading us.
You guys got busked.
We got busked.
And then I'm just like,
how did that situation really change?
I, like, this is not how I thought.
You were like, this is not the eventual outcome okay I accept it
thank you Vancouver
reggae time
there's a law in Vancouver that at any moment
it's reggae time
and there's a lot of fights that end up
in just reggae jams
well once you take your shoes off
sure
as is our custom.
Dave, do you have it over?
I had this Wednesday off from work because I worked on Sunday on account of the Grammys.
Big shout out to my girl Adele.
Yeah, right?
What is your job?
I work at a, well, I used to work at this place called CBC Music.
CBC is the national public broadcaster in Canada.
Okay.
Oh, no, I used to work at CBC Radio 3.
That's right.
Now you are. Now I work at CBC Music, which is a, it's a streaming website in Canada, like a Spotify.
Oh, okay, yeah.
But those things aren't available in Canada, and so now there's CBC Music.
Check it out.
And I host a show or two.
Very cool.
You write blog posts?
I write blog posts, and I do other behind-the-scenes stuff.
Awesome.
You're doing it.
That's really cool.
I'm living large. Yeah.. Awesome. You're doing it. That's really cool. I'm living large.
Yeah.
Grammy style.
You're bawling?
He's melon bawling.
I'm melon bawling.
You're bitter melon bawling?
You're blind melon bawling.
There we go.
I'm Schweppes bitter lemon bawling.
I had Wednesday off, and so I went grocery shopping.
What's up, Adele?
What's up, my girl Adele?
Can I get you anything?
Do you need any milk, milk, or lemonade?
Is that around the corner?
Thanks for the fudge.
Thanks.
Big thank. Thank you. Thank you for the fudge. Thanks.
Thank you.
Thank you for the fudge.
Thank you.
Thanks.
What if she did it, what if instead of just her THs being Fs, her Fs were also THs?
Thanks for the fudge.
Yeah.
I'd like to thank my manager.
Thread something or other.
Thread Flintstone.
Oh, Adele.
So I'm at a grocery store.
She's the great.
A Safeway.
Shout out to Safeway.
Big ups to my homies at Safeway.
Great work at the Grammy, Safeway.
Yeah.
And I'm in the produce department.
Big ups to produce.
Thank you, produce.
Thanks.
Thanks for the fangs.
There's like four guys just stacking produce.
And this, like an attractive female employee walks by and says, hey guys, how you doing?
And one of the guys says, better now that you're here.
And she kind of, like she's just walking through and she sees, I guess I'm'm walking right past her and she looks at me and points at them and says they're hilarious
and then and then that's a good move yeah and then after she's out of earshot one of the guys says
yeah she reminds me of uh the little sister i never banged
It says, yeah, she reminds me of the little sister I never banged.
Bravo!
That's disgusting.
In front of customers.
Oh, that's really bad. Like at a grocery store.
It's not like a construction site.
No, but that guy was in training to be on a construction site.
Did you fill out a comment card?
I didn't, no.
He would have been like, I saw the greatest scene.
Great tableau, Safeway.
Yeah.
Yours truly, Dave.
What did you like about our store?
I don't care about this.
Let me write this.
The coin star.
Wow.
She's like the little sister.
That that guy never banged.
That he never balled.
Yeah.
Wow. He never balled. He never balled or mellowed. That's really gross. Ah never balled. Wow. He never balled.
That's really gross.
That's ten kinds of gross.
But it's eleven kinds of
alright.
Shout out to Adele.
Six times this year,
Grammy Award winner.
Zero times next year.
Big thanks to Adele.
Thanks, everybody. Thank you.
Thanks for the memories.
Graham, do you have an overheard?
Oh, no, I don't. I have an overseen.
Overseen. Now, this
was, this was, this overseen is
courtesy of nature.
Big ups.
Big ups to nature. Thank you,
nature. What what up Gaia
I was walking out of my
place and I
live in a house
I live in a place and I was walking down the stairs
and I walked around the corner
and there was the
fattest squirrel I have ever seen
in the tree
maybe it was a pregnant squirrel I don't know
but was very surprised by me walking around the corner.
We had a freeze kind of moment where we both didn't do anything.
And then, I'm going to say she, jumped from the branch that she was on onto a smaller branch.
And that branch broke.
And she fell to the ground.
I was very embarrassed.
I was like, you didn't have to jump on my account.
And also you really didn't stick the landing at all,
little fat squirrel.
Shout out to Adele.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah.
How many points are those nuts?
What, these nuts?
Oh, fat squirrel. that's really funny.
Nothing but love for that.
Did you look around at me like,
God, I wish someone else was here?
My whole life is seeing something
and then wishing somebody else was there to see it.
If only you had a way you could describe things
into a microphone.
Yep.
There's always a chance that'll happen, right?
Yeah, make a witch foundation.
We also have overheards sent into us by listeners from around the world.
And if you want to send one in as well, you can send it to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com.
This first one comes from Mike D.
From the Beasties.
He's from Peterborough, Ontario.
He's Dustin Diamond's brother.
Urban legend.
Now this is
a double-barreled overheard
from Double D.
Right?
This is a double-barreled overheard from... Ooh, double D. Yeah, double D, right? This is from co-workers that he worked with at a shitty restaurant.
These are two quotes from co-workers.
The first one being,
Oh, definitely.
Wine can stain glass.
How do you think they make stained glass windows?
First.
Oh, dear.
And second, You paid off your mortgage?
That's a pretty stupid thing to do.
I don't know, right?
This guy's got a plan.
Yeah, what do you think his plan is?
Making a church?
Well, there's a lot of, like, oh, you know when people, like, think they're good with money and they think you're dumb for uh you know owning
a car or oh right when they suzy orman you yeah just like what are you suzy orman you yeah
oh that's a good verb yeah suzy orman you i'm gonna sit down and suzy orman you
yeah about your crazy finance and that you're not wearing a smart sports coat or something.
That's her first thing.
Why aren't we wearing that?
It stops above your hips.
Yeah, or a boxy.
Boxy dress coat.
Yeah.
I don't waste my money on hair barrettes.
Because it's so short.
I don't know what long-haired people need.
I don't know.
Ponytail scrunchies?
Yeah, they need scrunchies.
Elastics.
Some kind of comb.
Yeah.
Some spandex andies for your hair.
Yeah.
Spandex andies.
Spandy andies.
Spandex andex.
That's a good double B.
that's a good double b um um okay the second one comes from uh dana w uh she is from
somerville massachusetts ma ma that's massachusetts uh my overheard happened at work
my one co-worker uh 21 year old columbian work. My one co-worker, a 21-year-old
Colombian guy, said to another
co-worker,
you know that song,
Everything I Do, I Do It For You?
Other guy, yeah,
Bryan Adams, yeah, Colombian
guy, isn't that like
the greatest song ever?
Oh,
I love the sincerity.
That's scientifically proven, right?
Yeah, I think so.
They did some tests in a lab, and it soothed the savage beast.
Yeah.
Well, this is part of the Weight Watchers test, and the battery is right before the cat scan.
It was certainly the best song to slow dance to in 1992.
Yeah, right?
1992.
What about, I'm trying to think.
Oh, Leigh-Anne Rimes, her song.
Do you remember that?
That was in 1992.
It was in 1992.
Her first song when she was like 14.
I don't know that.
I remember last week, or the last time that we taped the podcast.
When you were slow dancing
Dave and I were slow dancing
We were talking about how
Whitney Houston, she had passed away
And her song, I Will Always Love You
There was this moment
Where you were slow dancing with a girl
And then there's a part in the song
Where she kind of drifts off
And you just walked away from the girl. Like right away
you're like, okay, thanks. During that last
love you, you're sort of like,
alright, we'll be in touch.
We'll be in touch.
We'll be in touch.
You know where to find me. See you in class.
And this one.
Also, More Than Words by Xtreme
was great
oh
right
why don't they
get back together
I'm assuming
they've broken up
this is from
Alex S
I'm gonna assume
that Alex S
lives in New York
because
How Was Your Week
that's New York
yeah
okay
that's
I just got home
from a live taping
of How Was Your Week
Julie Klausner.
Yes.
Very, very funny. Very funny.
Very pretty. She'll never
go to that redhead heaven.
Yeah. She's staying here with us.
So this is another
double-barreled one
from while waiting
for the show to start, I overheard the guy behind me
say, I don't have
a type, but I'm actively looking
for someone who looks like my ex-girlfriend.
Oh, I love that!
So honest.
That's a truth bomb.
And I think my problem with women is that I don't
know how to go from being charming to
hey, wanna fuck.
Which is a hard transition to make.
Charming to, hey, wanna fuck.
Yeah, it is hard.
Yeah.
I have a lot of guy friends who have that.
Because you could easily drop into the friend zone.
Oh, or into the charm zone.
Yeah.
Where she just expects you to be 24 hours a day charming.
What do you do?
Yeah.
I guess you just drop it.
As soon as you walk into your weird apartment.
I think you either have it
or you don't.
I don't know. I can't imagine
being able to make that transition.
Yeah. I guess they would have
had to have been... I'm charming never.
So maybe that's the lesson?
It's just be all a hey wanna fuck yeah from the start all right
uh it kind of right as a girl there is this you gotta if you don't plant the seed
early you don't plant the seed you don't get the seed
you don't spread your seed?
Gross.
I was just trying to come up with a rule of thumb that everybody could follow.
No glove, no love.
I'm constantly looking for t-shirts.
I want to make a t-shirt for everything.
Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept... What are you doing with your hands right now?
I'm doing a weird little namaste clap.
Okay.
We also accept overheards by telephone.
If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have.
This first call is from my wife, Abby's Aunt Sheila.
The Internet's Aunt Sheila. Hi, guys. It's Aunt Sheila. The Internet's Aunt Sheila.
Hi, guys.
It's Aunt Sheila calling.
Just got back from the pool with my two little dudes,
and in the change room, Albert, my four-year-old, said,
Mama, I think that old lady's china must be on backwards.
Oh!
What?
How does that exist?
Oh, no.
We have a lot of mysteries.
Yeah, sure.
We sure do as a people.
The ladies.
The ladies.
Oh, the ladies.
Yeah, what do you mean?
What does that mean?
Okay.
So when you become an old lady, your vagina goes on backwards.
No, but like stop.
You know, we all have like, you know, we all have different like fingerprints, right?
I mean, so.
Uh-huh.
The vagina is a lady's...
Is a lady's fingerprint?
That's what it's known as.
The vagina is known as the lady's fingerprint.
Do you guys have Korean spas?
Do we have Korean spas?
Where it's not co-ed, but...
Everyone sits around a table and barbecues in the middle.
Naked.
The key is naked.
There's like the spas where you're
completely naked and it's all girls
or all guys. Obviously, but we can go into the
all girls one. Right. But that's like a
that's not just Korean. That's a
Swedish thing and a Russian
thing and a Greek. The Greeks.
You can't stop them from steaming.
But they're naked. The spas are naked.
Oh, okay. I've only known them as Korean spas.
I don't do anything.
Also Turkish.
Turkish.
Turkish spas.
Right?
But I was in this Korean spa, or my girlfriend, June Raphael, was in this Korean spa, and
you get this akasuri scrub where they just scrub you raw, where your old, dead, gray skin comes off of you.
That's my favorite skin.
It's your favorite?
Yeah.
You hold on to that?
I've been holding on to it since fifth grade.
Yeah.
His mother bronzed his first skin.
Oh, that's so gross.
It really is gross.
Well, you're talking about being circumcised, right?
That's his fourth skin.
Yay!
Yay!
We win again!
We win!
We're never going to die, you guys.
Never say never.
What, Bieber?
So, Korean spot.
Yeah, and so you're completely naked.
You see women of all beautiful sizes.
Sure.
Shades and fingerprints um and so when you get
scrubbed they just kind of put you on the slab you're just like a like almost like a um massage
uh table but it's got like uh waterproofing on top of it and you're just like lined
almost like a wow a morgue and they're scrubbing you. And my girlfriend June, she laid eyes on a woman's-
Fingerprint.
Her womanhood.
Yeah.
Her woman space, her power source.
Pretty good.
Will you give that to me?
Take me back.
And she said that the woman's vagina went all the way
to her butthole
and back again
what else could it be
as if she didn't
or if it just
started way lower like the taint
she had the tiniest
what do you call that the pudendum
the teeniest pedendums?
Yeah, that was a very popular kids' book.
The teeniest pedendums.
The phantom pedendum.
I'm just saying we're all built differently.
So this old lady maybe had the thing that...
Jacob Tutu and the hooded pedendum.
And that's the thing with kids.
When you kind of peek in when your mom's trying stuff
and you just kind of peek in.
What kind of stuff is your mom trying?
No, wait, was it
if she was trying on clothing? What was it?
It was in a pool.
It was a pool locker room.
She was trying on different
towel maneuvers.
She was doing that thing where you put it
between your legs and go back and forth.
Oh my god!
That's probably what he thought it was.
Oh man.
Is that not the greatest drying technique that exists?
Funniest.
It is the funniest drying technique.
Next phone call.
Yay!
Do you know what Juggalos are?
Yes.
They are fans of the Insane Clown Posse.
ICP!
Coolio is one. You need to know this. Julio is one.
You need to know this for this phone call.
Okay.
Holy shit, you guys.
I just spent 20 minutes on a bus sitting next to two juggalos.
It's an overheard.
Of course it is.
This is Francesca from Portland.
And there's like five, but I'll call them all each individually.
But they were maybe, like, 15.
And that perfect, like, juggalo mix of, like, dumb, nerdy thug.
I don't really even know how that happens.
And they were, like, you know, talking.
And they were totally trying to kind of like one-up each other on how hard they were.
Bonus.
Yeah, like, you should come in and hang out with my boys.
Like, you know, we just party all night, you know, and we'll just sleep over at someone's house.
And we'll order a bunch of pizzas and not pay for them. And then we'll order a bunch of pizzas and send them to our rival gang's
territory.
That is a classic gang maneuver, right?
That's initiation.
Send as many pizzas as you can to your rival gang's house.
Or the first one, order a bunch of pizzas and don't pay for them.
Yeah. You can't really do that oh if you send them like okay we're not gonna pay you okay i'm not gonna
give you these pizzas you sent no you send them to your neighbor's house and you say my neighbor
is totally cool he'll pay you the next day just leave the pizzas on his porch and pay you the next day. Just leave the pizzas on his porch. And then the guy does, right?
Because they're a dumb pizza chain.
And then you just go over to the porch and steal the pizzas, right?
Isn't that the classic maneuver?
I just made that up.
Yeah, yeah, it's great.
He said it with such authority.
I know, right? At a moment I was like, oh, you guys think this is a real thing?
Yeah, the only real pizza prank is to send it to someone else's house, I think.
Also, uh...
Which brings us to our next segment, pizza pranks.
Pizza pranks! Pranking with pizzas!
Wasn't there, there was a thing that, it was a while ago on the podcast where somebody took a slice of pizza and put it in somebody's windshield wiper like it was a ticket.
I thought that was really funny.
That's really great.
I'm going to do that.
But there was also a listener, and it was sent in as an overseen.
It's just particularly germane to this. It was somebody put a pizza in between the receiver and the thing you hang the receiver
on on a payphone.
There was just like a pizza in between it, and that was really funny.
There's a photo of it.
Fuck you for using a payphone.
Also, fuck you for liking pizza.
It's a double fuck you.
Back to the pizza in the car thing,
is there any way that someone could
cause damage to a car?
Because I really want to do that.
No, I think if you put it not topping
side down on the windshield, it won't even make a mess.
Oh, okay. So you put toppings
up. Toppings up. But then they
might have to replace their wipers.
Oh. Toppings down. Toppings down.
Yeah, toppings down is fun.
Toppings down. And then do you think, because in LA
I really am going to do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've already got a mark in my head.
If it's really hot, bad idea.
I think, yeah, I think you do it at night.
Yeah, undercover of darkness. Yeah, you do it at night. Yeah, undercover of darkness.
Yeah, you do it at 9pm
and you're hoping that somebody is leaving at
like an 11.30. Oh, I'm going to do this.
Even better, like, if you did it with a frozen pizza.
Like, if you cut that up
and you did it to all your friends.
A crime spree. I mean, around
UCB. I'm not saying I'm going to do that, but
what if that happened?
Well, this episode actually won't come out.
This won't come out until a week from Monday.
Okay, okay.
So you've got a lot of time.
You could probably do a little crime spree before that.
Oh, my God.
Then come out as the criminal.
These are the types of crime sprees that I like to do.
Things that are just so stupid.
Will you wear some sort of mask or hat?
Okay, I will now.
Like the DJ from De Antwoord.
Yeah, or Hamburglar.
The big two.
What about that mouse?
Oh, he's in there.
I went to the new pizza place in my neighborhood that used to be a murder spot.
Yeah.
Chinese murder spot, yes.
Chinese murder house.
murder spot.
Yeah.
Chinese murder spot. Chinese murder house.
And Abby got,
they,
it's a weird pizza place
because they only have
one size of pizza
and they slice it.
They roll it up
and you put it in your pocket
to take it home.
They slice it up
into quarters.
Okay.
And then,
if you,
like last week,
Abby finished
half of her pizza.
And we've gone there two weeks in a row.
Sure.
And so they gave her a pizza box to take it home.
This time she finished half of her pizza, but I had another quarter of it.
And so they only gave her one, she only had one slice left over.
So you're saying there's a quarter left.
Yeah, there's a quarter left.
Yep.
You guys, I'm relying on you.
I'm studying for my SATs.
There's a quarter
of pizza left. Quarter pizza is too
great ass. And so they gave
it to her.
They folded it, the one piece
left, and put it in a little
paper bag. But a folded
piece of pizza. I've had that.
Really? I've never had that.
I've had it delivered to my house like that through the mail slot.
Can we talk about where you order food from now?
Is it time for us to do this?
We were talking about this prior.
This is an intervention.
I order my pizza from the post office.
When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much,
they order pizza from Domino's.
Yeah, but from an out-of-country Domino's,
so they have to send it via airmail.
They have to send it via Gandia's.
Hello?
Yeah, I got you.
Somebody left a menu, a takeout menu.
I'm just curious.
Does your takeout receptacles,
can they fit through our meals, love?
No.
Do they need to get paid today?
Is it COD, or can I get a... Do they need to get paid today?
Is it COD or can I get a... Do you guys have an installment plan?
Look, I have one more page of questions.
If you could just hold it.
You're not great at English?
That's a shame.
All right, we'll just skip the first five and I'm going to move into the next page too.
Another great way to send pizza would be in one
of those poster tubes if you rolled up yeah yeah on a poster or uh these are these are two good
ways to send a pizza yeah slice by slice in envelope yeah so i say slice in a padded uh
manila envelope yeah or in a poster yeah autographed sure sure or on the top of a um fruit
uh arrangement a floor arrangement just like you order the floor and then fruit arrangement, a floor arrangement.
Oh, yeah.
You order the floor arrangement, and then you drape a pizza on top of it.
After you're done with all these vitamins.
Good ways to deliver pizzas.
And one more phone call.
Hey, guys.
It's Anna in New York, and I haven't overheard.
I went to the Westminster Kennel Club dog show
last night.
My friend got tickets and
everyone was up in arms
because the Pekingese won best
in show. I thought it was kind
of funny looking and cute but
it was apparently a bone of contention
with a lot of people and
everyone was talking about it as we were leaving,
and we overheard one guy talking to his girlfriend,
and he was like,
oh, this is like if at the end of Star Wars,
Darth Vader killed Luke Skywalker.
This is like if Voldemort won.
I love how dramatic we are.
As a species.
We are so dramatic.
It's delicious.
But see, she added in that detail that she got tickets
because when she said it, I was like, what?
Like, I couldn't believe that somebody, like a human.
Like a lay person.
Yeah, exactly. It seems like only royalty and your most famous Like a layperson. Yeah, exactly.
It seems like only royalty and your most famous would get into that.
Yeah, sure.
It's like a Lakers game.
Anyway, I'll shut up now.
All the cool dogs go to Clippers games.
But that dog is retiring.
That's the last...
A lot of dogs are retiring.
But most dogs on the. That's the last. That dog's still going on. A lot of dogs are retiring. But that dog.
But most dogs on the day before retirement get shot.
Yeah, exactly.
It's like cop movies.
I'm sorry to end the show on the low note.
Now, overheards, if you want to send them in to us, 206-339-8328 or stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com.
Now, just for the record, I also didn't really like that dog one.
You know, I don't know anything about it other than the Twitterverse.
People were up at arms.
They were like, what dog was robbed?
What type of dog was robbed?
I don't know.
Like a Dalmatian or there was a wire-haired wiener dog.
I think that one.
That one people said that that one should have won. There was a Snoian or there was a wire-haired wiener dog. I think that one. Sure, sure.
That one people said that that one should have won.
There was a Snoop.
There was a Nate.
Sure.
Don't you ever.
What?
Nate, rest in peace.
Yeah, rip Nate dog.
Now, Kula.
Yeah?
You're out there on the internet.
People want to know more about you.
Where do they go?
You can follow me at Twitter at at Kula.
Yes.
You can go to- I recommend Yes. You can go to...
I recommend it.
You can go to Earwolf.com and look up WhoCharted.
Or...
Or...
TooCharted.
Or TooCharted.
It's the same feed, though.
Well, it's under WhoCharted.
It is the same feed.
Same feed, yeah.
I have a website.
It's kind of like...
It's my Tumblr.
Yeah.
And it's CoolOp.tumblr.
And it's not just stuff about you.
It's also things that you found around.
Things you like.
In the interwebs.
Pictures of your dog.
That I enjoy.
I'm also on Instagram.
There's a lot of photos of my dog, Rocky.
He's a Boston Terrier.
He's got a lot of personality.
Seven years young.
Seven years young.
He can smize.
It's great.
A dog that can smize.
Worth their weight in gold.
Thank you so much for being a guest on the podcast.
This is such a joy.
Thank you for having me.
What a treat.
I like you guys.
I wasn't sure.
Oh, were you?
You were on the fence?
Yeah.
Like five minutes ago, I wasn't sure.
And then just me being able to say where I am on the internet,
it took me over the top.
When am I going to get my plug in?
These guys are the worst.
Oh, here it comes.
Ooh, this is fun.
Dave, do you have anything you want to put?
Yes.
CBC Music, you should check out the blog.
Yeah, cbcmusic.ca is now a going concern.
It premiered Grammy night. Yes. CBC Music, you should check out the blog. Yeah, cbcmusic.ca is now a going concern.
It premiered Grammy night.
Yes. And I've got some articles up there, some pieces about architecture.
Really?
I have one.
I wrote one quiz about the architecture of Frank Gehry and the clothing of Lady Gaga.
Witch is witch. Which is which.
Which is which.
That's amazing.
That's a great quiz.
That's great.
It's a fun little quiz.
CBCmusic.com or CBCmusic.ca or music.cbc.ca.
It all goes.
It's all there.
And speaking of things that Dave does on the internet that are wonderful,
there's a blog that accompanies every podcast you can find at MaximumFun.org.
Pictures or videos that will relate to the podcast in some way.
I'm sure there will be a picture of Pasta Mania.
Of course.
You guys, you have to find the photos.
What else?
What else do you think is on there?
What else did we talk about?
Adele.
Adele, sure.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Big thanks to Adele.
Thanks, Semisonic. Big thanks to Adele. Thanks, Semisonic.
Big thanks
to
me
Thanks for closing time.
Me mate Dan
from Semisonic.
Semisonic.
Me gonna set
fire to Ray.
Now she's a caveman
that's right
she did say a lot of
in the third person
me this me that
me glad to be at Cranby's
I do get
I get Adele and
Ali G mixed up a lot
yeah
so go to Adele and Ali G mixed up a lot. Oh, yes.
Booyakisha.
Yeah.
So go to MaximumFun.org.
Check that out.
Check out the other podcasts that we're affiliated with.
Also, February 27th at the Havana Theater, there will be a Laugh Gallery show.
That is me and many of our past guests will be there.
$5 cannot be beat.
And if you like the show, tell your friends.
And come on back next week for another thrilling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.