Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 22 - Seth Perry

Episode Date: July 28, 2008

Comedian Seth Perry joins the boys to talk sex education, teen pregnancy, and play a round of Burt or Ryan... Reynolds....

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Welcome everybody to Stop Podcasting Yourself, episode 22? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We're in the double, like, it'll be another 11 until it's this magical again. Yeah. Make a wish.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Make a wish, everybody. Make two. Go ahead and make two wishes. Yeah. My name is Graham Clark, and with me as always is the hilariously talented and wonderfully technologically abled Dave Shumka. How's it going, Dave? I'm good. Are you saying that because I was fixing Venetian blinds? Yeah, and podcasting at the same time.
Starting point is 00:00:57 Some people could only do one or the other. Not you, my friend. And joining us here, our guest today, comedian, would you say producer of shows, and hero to kids all over the lower mainland, Seth Perry. In a nice way. Yeah, that's what I... In a nice way. Well, I don't think there's any other way to take hero to kids. Yes, there is. Like how?
Starting point is 00:01:23 Like how? Like if you're a villain. Yeah, no, but I didn't say you were a villain to kids. Yes, there is. Like how? Like how? Like if you're a villain. Yeah, no, but I didn't say you were a villain to kids. Oh, really? There's a difference? You're telling me there's a difference between that?
Starting point is 00:01:34 There's a fundamental difference between heroes and villains. They're dichotomous? Yeah, you gotta watch the Incredible Hulk movie. That'll stitch it up. Okay, I'm sorry. I would've, but I wasn't invited.
Starting point is 00:01:46 Is this a problem that's happened? It's becoming a problem. It's about to become one. You wouldn't like Dave when he's angry, alright? I don't get it. It's like a comic thing. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Comic View.
Starting point is 00:02:02 Comics Unleashed? Comics Unleashed. That's what it isashed What was Comic View? Comic View? It was the black one Oh that's on BET But then once there'd be a white guy But he was from the streets It's usually that
Starting point is 00:02:16 The white guy was on there Comic View Let's get to know Seth Perry and everybody else okay get to know us uh seth yes what's uh going on with you man what's new tell us all about seth perry for the people out there that don't know seth perry you work with kids with kids at is what's the name of the place trout lake Center, which is a large community center in East Vancouver. And we service youth from ages 8 to 18.
Starting point is 00:02:50 See, saying you're a hero to kids doesn't have a bad side to it. But saying you service youth? Yeah. That does have a bad ring to it. It does. You're right. Okay, Graham, you're good with introductions and what I do. Yeah, I am a hero to youth.
Starting point is 00:03:05 And, um... Eight to eighteen, though. That's a big span. A lot of kids, you know... Are there eighteen-year-olds there that hang out there? Yeah, they're called losers. Like, you're like, you should get a job. You really need to be somewhere else right now.
Starting point is 00:03:20 You could get an apartment. You could, yes. I don't care. Stop hanging out here. Go do something. Get a out here. Go do something. Get a credit card. Yeah. Why do you keep taking the utility balls?
Starting point is 00:03:30 Do they call them utility balls? That's what they called them at my school. What are they used for? The ones that you would play dodgeball with. The big round red or green ones. Those are discontinued, man. Oh, really? The utility balls.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Because they hurt when you throw them. Fuck, well, all balls hurt when you throw them at people's faces. Well, all balls hurt when you throw them. No. There's a special type now that is a type of nice soft. No, it's a soft plastic with a nerf inside. So it's not as dense as nerf. It's a fluffy inside.
Starting point is 00:03:58 But this plastic on the outside makes it aerodynamic. So you can throw it really hard at someone. But it's not going to hurt them. It's not going to hurt them. It's not going to hurt them. Is it like a pillow? Does it feel like a pillow? It's not like a pillow at all. Because that would be some hard throw.
Starting point is 00:04:11 I don't know where you got that. I'm imagining pillows. Yeah, well. Did you call them utility balls? Nope. Never heard of that. Do you ever play the game, I can't remember what it was called. Utility ball?
Starting point is 00:04:22 Well, no. It was some game that we play where you kick a ball against a wall, and then if it went out of bounds three times or something, then the guy who let it out on the third time, you could whip the ball at his ass or his face. It was his choice. Ass. No, you say that, but when you can't see it coming, it hurts a lot.
Starting point is 00:04:42 I don't know that I've played that game, but I've had that punishment. Yeah, we did it with a utility ball. Then they took the utility balls away, so we did it with a tennis ball. That doesn't make sense. What? Why? You have to count how many times it goes out of bounds? I don't remember the exact rules.
Starting point is 00:05:01 I just remember getting a ball to my ass. You shouldn't invent children's games, first of all. It seems like it's pretty easy to invent a children's game. Yeah, it is. We invented one called Hatball. What is that? It was like baseball mixed with lacrosse, but you caught things in your hat. That is cool.
Starting point is 00:05:18 It's like highlight for poor people. Yeah, this kid got in the newspaper. Yeah, it's because people who play highlight are so rich. Do you know how much a highlight ball is, Dave? No, I don't. It's over $100. One highlight ball? One highlight ball is worth over $100 because it's handmade. But I only assumed
Starting point is 00:05:36 that it was a poor people's sport because it's played in the poorest of nations. Yes. Okay. But there's really rich people there because there's quite... It's the same with cricket, right? Cricket's a rich man's okay, but there's really rich people there because there's quite, yeah. It's the same with cricket, right? Like, cricket's a rich man's sport, but it's played in all these squalory kind of countries.
Starting point is 00:05:51 I don't understand why people play cricket here, really. Fancy white clothes, buddy. How many other sports can boast that? Tennis. Tennis and cricket, that's it. Maybe golf. I was riding... And fencing.
Starting point is 00:06:04 Fencing, yeah. I was riding my bike through... That's a. That's it. Maybe golf. And fencing. Fencing, yeah. I was riding my bike through Stanley Park. And you know the cricket court there. Yeah. But then I was also going riding by a tour bus with those being pulled by horses. And then I said, if you look to your left, folks, you'll see the only 27 people in Vancouver that play cricket. And I laughed. Well, that's good.
Starting point is 00:06:31 That's the important thing. I remember when I went to a garage sale that was held at a lawn bowling club. And I was the youngest guy in there by about 78 years. And the lady, when she saw me come in there, was super excited and tried to sign me up for lawn bowling. Like, she was like, we need a new generation of lawn bowlers. A lot of people died last week. And then I remember convincing, I can't remember who it was. I think it might have been my ex-girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:07:02 That I convinced that, I learned when I was there that lawn bowling was created by John C. Lawn Bowling. I wonder if you go lawn bowling if there's like a senior's discount. There can't be. Yeah. There can't be. But everything is a senior's discount. Yeah, because then it would be all discounted. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:21 All lawn bowling would go out of business. They should have a junior's discount, if anything. They all discounted. Yeah. All lawn bowling would go out of business. They should have a junior's discount, if anything. That's what she was really trying to get me into, because they know that lawn bowling's going to... When this generation goes out, there's a good chance lawn bowling might die altogether.
Starting point is 00:07:34 There's always going to be old people, though. But those old people played bulls or lawn bowling when they were kids. That was like a summertime... Like croquet, right? Nobody plays fucking cro Like, that was like a summertime. Like croquet, right? Like, nobody plays fucking croquet now. I have a set. Well, everybody has a set. When was the last time you played it?
Starting point is 00:07:52 Years ago. Dude, there's extreme croquet. Tell me more. Well, it actually uses one of those Canadian-style five-pin bowling balls, and they have like a polyurethane mallet on top of a huge really long broomstick and they do it in public parks in calgary i saw it on the discovery channel canada when i was in college we used to do cross-country croquet and we would set set up all the uh wickets yeah like on pitchers mounds or at goal posts and have them have to ricochet or the ball would have to go off jumps.
Starting point is 00:08:28 Wow. No, we never did that. Well, maybe it's time that people started. Well, that's what I'm saying, though. I think lawn bowling or cricket or... Well, not cricket, but lawn bowling or croquet or those things will die out because the kids now, they play the video games.
Starting point is 00:08:45 They don't need those kind of backyard pastimes. Badminton, that'll stick around as long as... It's getting a resurgence. It's on the cover of the Georgia Straight. Yeah. With a really hot chick. Yeah, that's right. Because when I go to Badminton,
Starting point is 00:09:02 it's 90% hot chicks. Yeah. 10% me. Wow. Right, because when I go to badminton, it's 90% hot chicks, 10% me. Wow. Seth Perry. Yes. Speaking briefly, as I was, about video games.
Starting point is 00:09:18 You, is it possible to say that you have the best girlfriend? Definitely. Because what did she do for you just recently? Just recently, I came home and there was a Nintendo Wii on the coffee table that she bought. And she sent you a message saying, I found you something. I got you something and I'm here with you. And then you're like, I think it's underwear or something hot. Yeah, because that's usually what that would mean. And then the next one was, it's pink.
Starting point is 00:09:42 And then I was like, hey, pink. Okay. And then she wouldn't tell me anything else. And then I was like, hey, pink. Okay. And then she wouldn't tell me anything else. And then I was like, pink. And then it's sort of, I thought, like, they do have pink Wii remotes. And then I was like, no. But that's what it was. Wow.
Starting point is 00:09:56 Yeah. Oh, they do have pink Wii remotes? So she has a pink Wii remote and I just have a regular one. Is the console pink or white? No, the console is white. Are they still hard to come by, the Wii's? Yeah, they are. They'll still sell out.
Starting point is 00:10:10 I have one. The Wii Fit sells out. You just got to be at the store at the right time. You can't get Mario Kart anywhere right now. I tried to buy Mario Kart, and I was a day early for the Wii Fit, but then I decided that I actually could go running instead. In life, in real life. Because the running game, I did it at the store in Metro Town.
Starting point is 00:10:34 And it's just like, but it's not like you're running on the moon or some crazy thing that they could do through video games. You're just in a park. It's just a regular running scenario that you could just enjoy in your own life if you were if you're able enough to do it in the game you could do it in real life well i still cruise this college video uh website called uh break.com and it's just all college videos And now a really popular thing that college guys are posting is chicken underwear doing wee snowboarding. I saw chicken underwear doing hula hoop. Yeah, that was the big one.
Starting point is 00:11:13 She's a celebrity now. Exactly. She had a nice butt. Is that the whole point of the thing? I think it is. And her boyfriend was really ugly. Yeah, and then he put the camera on himself and was like, yeah, and stuck out his tongue like, hey, I'm amazing. But I don't even know if she was that good looking.
Starting point is 00:11:28 She had a nice butt, but you never see her face. She's wearing glasses, so that was the point of it. Which boat is bookish? You like that. She's Lisa Lobish. No, I was thinking more like... Why is that always the case? She's a project, like Rachel Leigh Cook and she's all that oh my god i saw a thing i watched a lot of tv today while i was cleaning my house
Starting point is 00:11:50 it's still not clean but i did watch a lot of tv and they there's a show on mtv called made yeah yeah have you seen it i there's a marathon on right that's what i was watching they did the number one biggest transformation yeah and it was literally like that fucking... Was it She's All That? Yeah. Because this girl was... She was into renaissance fairs, right? Uh-oh.
Starting point is 00:12:12 She had the glasses. And she really did look... She didn't look like, oh, if you take off those glasses, va-va-voom. She looked quite homely. But they did up her hair and makeup, and then they put on a nice dress. And then she won a beauty pageant. And she was actually quite gorgeous, but you would never know because she was always dressed like Super Frumps. Yeah, that's nice because every time I've watched that show, they've chosen someone that has absolutely no chance of achieving what they've actually done.
Starting point is 00:12:40 There you go. I want to be a boxer. I want to be a boxer. They chose the fattest chick in one high school and said, you're going to run for prom queen. And it didn't work out at all. Well, but she probably grew a lot inside. And maybe outside, too.
Starting point is 00:12:58 Now, that's the thing about prom, because that was the thing that I heard on the radio today, because right now is grad time, right? High schools across the land. Prom-a-aroo is uh not when you're listening to this yeah we're recording this on the first day of summer yeah yeah happy summer solstice everybody it's wicked yeah you feel that it feels muggy as shit that's what it feels like it'll be good yeah the proms are happening proms are happening. Prom's are happening. Did you go to your high school, Greg? Yeah, I did. It was the year that our school got banned from what's now the Edgewater Casino. It used to be a large convention center.
Starting point is 00:13:36 But our school got banned because a bunch of people got caught doing cocaine. And by a bunch, I mean half of my graduating class. It was ridiculous. It was like Riverside Secondary. A few bad apples. 50%. But you went
Starting point is 00:13:56 to Tony Montana High, so that's a different culture. Here's something I figured out. Because my whole life, if you wanted to know what celebrities had your birthday, you had to watch Entertainment Tonight on your birthday. And they would say, for me, it's Bette Midler. And Rob Lowe.
Starting point is 00:14:14 Woody Allen. And it was Lou Rawls and Richard Pryor. Nice. Two of whom are dead now. Yes. Lou Rawls is still alive, though, right? No. Damn.
Starting point is 00:14:25 Sorry. But speaking of cocaine, nowadays you can just go on the internet, and if you go to your, if you go to Wikipedia and just look up the date, it'll tell you everything that's happened on that date. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone who was born or died. And Pablo Escobar, the Colombian drug lord, has my birthday. Good for you.
Starting point is 00:14:47 As well as Jared from Subway. Oh, eat fresh, Dave. That's what I'm going to say on your next birthday. That's what I learned from this. Eat fresh. How was your grad? Did you go to grad? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:57 Was it fun? Yeah, we had a dry cruise. Dry cruise? Yeah, it was a dry grad cruise. That's what they called Tom Cruise's wedding night. Oh, my God. That was almost a joke. It bordered on a joke.
Starting point is 00:15:11 It fringed around a joke. Sort of. That's what they call Penelope Cruz in a bad mood. Oh, that's better. That was pretty good. That was better. That was better. It's a building here.
Starting point is 00:15:22 What does that mean? So you went on a boat. We went on a boat we went on a boat there was no booze no booze did you go with a date uh yes my then girlfriend nice and was it good was it fun uh it doesn't sound like it would be fun it wasn't too much fun but you were trapped on a boat so that was fun for how many hours so at least you couldn't leave at least you couldn't leave if you hated uh. Three or four hours. I think it went to like four in the morning.
Starting point is 00:15:47 Wow. Did you wear traditional grad? You rented something? Is that what you did? My dad owned a tuxedo. I rented a tuxedo and tails for prom. Okay. So now wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:15:59 You had a prom and a grad? Yeah. Did you have the same thing? No, we just had a grad. I just had a grad too. What's a grad? Yeah. Did you have the same thing? No, we just had a grad. I just had a grad too. What's a prom? Our prom committee spent all the money, I think, on cocaine. On cocaine.
Starting point is 00:16:13 Where are you from? Port Coquitlam. Very close to the pig farm. My high school is the closest high school to the pig farm. Pretty much. If you're not from here, there is a...
Starting point is 00:16:28 Yes, a murderer. Alleged. Oh, wait, no. Convicted murderer. Is he convicted now? He was convicted on the first 8 to 10 cast. Who killed upwards of 25 women at a pig farm. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:43 But yeah, we had a prom and a grad. So what was the prom then? It was a meal, and it happened two months before grad. See, that's what we had. Our grad happened before we graduated. Yeah, ours happened. Did yours? No, our grad was the same weekend of our graduation.
Starting point is 00:17:02 See, that would have been way better, because we still had to study for exams the following week. I think our grad was before we graduated, too. Our grad was before our exams. Yeah, yeah. Definitely. Yeah, that was ours, too. But there were some people
Starting point is 00:17:18 that we knew totally were not going to graduate. But they were still there. There was a huge contingent of my friends. Because they were the ones who brought the cocaine. Obviously. Did you... I actually read a thing about
Starting point is 00:17:33 how a bunch of girls did a pregnancy pact in a high school and, like... Well, I heard about this. This was on Entertainment Inside Edition. They think it might be because of Jamie Lynn Spears. What about Juno? Or possibly Juno, which I didn't care for. But was anyone pregnant in your high schools?
Starting point is 00:17:56 Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't know that anyone was in mine. We had a couple. Actually, there was only two, actually actually at mine that actually went through with like actually having the kid and one of them actually kept the kid so it was kind of the spike of the uh luckily we had been exposed to i thought of like maybe it was you were talking about a chart and there was a spike on it anyway no i meant, I meant the Degrassi junior high slash high slash Degrassi next generation character.
Starting point is 00:18:29 Oh, yeah. Spike. Well, you see, they got pregnant and then they stopped going to my school when they got pregnant. They got shipped away to our mother of the... Yeah. So, basically, that's one thing that's changed, I think, in schools recently, is that girls who become pregnant, then there's a lot of alternative schools that are set up for just that, really.
Starting point is 00:18:57 Yeah, there were alternative schools, and two of the girls that got pregnant that went through with it actually stayed at our school right up until like eight months or something we uh but girls bounce back when they're that young they don't need like a crazy six months especially if they're giving the kid away they can be back in like a month that's all i'm saying damn when next time you're servicing the youth think of that yeah yeah maybe we did have pregnant ones, then I just didn't notice. I wasn't very popular.
Starting point is 00:19:28 The girls that got pregnant weren't particularly popular either. They were slutty. Or uncareful. Maybe they weren't slutty. Maybe it was the old first time ever. Yeah, you can't get pregnant first time. If you do it in a pool, and then if you jump up and down, stand on your head. We should make a segment
Starting point is 00:19:45 of just uh safe sex tips really yeah just do you know any well like if the first time you can't get pregnant you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex uh you can't get pregnant in a pool are you serious wait is that true no well it's stupid you can't get you can't get pregnant you've never heard that before i've never heard i've never heard that before? I've never heard that before. Oh, it's a crazy mess. My mother's friend who went to our church is a, I guess she's just a registered nurse, but she's written books on sex. And one of them has these little questions from kids written in them. And I remember one of the questions was was and it's all in kid handwriting is it true that you can pickle your penis the answer to that question is yes and the the uh
Starting point is 00:20:34 the rumor is that if you uh like hold your penis in a glass of cola yeah for uh i don't know a few minutes yeah you can't get a girl pregnant for a while. There's really no science behind it. There's no logic behind it either. Well, you're pickling it. That's funny. Did you have that in sex ed where you had to put questions in a box?
Starting point is 00:20:56 Yes, the question box. Yeah. That was hilarious. I don't know why. He had a choice. The teacher had a choice whether or not to read it or not. But he'd still go ahead and read some of the really stupid ones.
Starting point is 00:21:08 My teacher said that it was her commitment to the class that she would read all of them. Oh, cool. And I remember my favorite being... Fuck you. No, it was actually one that me and my friend co-wrote. Did you get a credit? It was all uncredited. No, it was actually one that me and my friend co-wrote. Did you get a credit? It was all uncredited.
Starting point is 00:21:33 But we knew that it was ours. Did you get a Writer's Guild scale? We said, is it possible that if semen dries, if you blow on it like a dandelion, semen dries if you blow on it like a dandelion did it float and impregnate a woman on like a nude beach or something like that and uh the teacher had to read it out loud it was honestly one of the better days of my life you can't you can't huh you can't no you can't once it dries but you can't blow on it like a and then the semen goes out like dandelion spores. Make a wish. It doesn't happen. Make a wish.
Starting point is 00:22:10 It impregnates everyone in the area of vicinity. That would be a really easy way to propagate your fucking seed. Well, that's why dandelions are so fucking everywhere. Yeah, totally. Because they just... Dandelions do it air style. This is what a bumper sticker says. Dandelions do it in the park.
Starting point is 00:22:31 Our class at the time, when we were doing sex ed, basically had this thing where we argued about wet dreams for so long, and there was this one guy named Michael Yip, wet dreams for so long and there's this one guy named michael yip who's had it he had it like totally just nailed basically that if you had three wet dreams right well dreams where you're having sex then you've officially gone through puberty right and so then uh like someone put in a question to the teacher that said what is a wet dream and that and then asked the question if you have three wet dreams then will you go through puberty but so the teacher explained no that if you have three wet dreams it doesn't mean you've gone through puberty and then he had to explain what a wet dream actually was and that's when it got really uncomfortable because he's like you know sometimes it started
Starting point is 00:23:28 uncomfortable sometimes it's when the sheets wrap around you in a way that feels like you're having sex and then you wake up and you might have ejaculated and and then we were just really scared at that point you know i think my overheard from today is going to be my favorite thing from sex ed class. I'm going to hold on to that. Well, if that's the case, then I haven't gone through puberty. I mean... What, you never had a wet dream? No, that's not what I mean.
Starting point is 00:24:00 But not everyone has them. That's not true. Dave, you haven't had a wet dream? No, I'm not saying that. Well, what are you saying, then? I just haven't had three. You haven't had three. The thing that's unfortunate
Starting point is 00:24:15 about the whole scenario of a wet dream is that, like, it's gonna fuck up your sheets. Right? Like, involuntarily. Right? Like, you can...arily right like you can there's measures you can take the rest of the time make sure that that doesn't occur but when you're unconscious and that guy's just doing his own scenario all on his own that's a ridiculous thing that your body does yeah and it's not like as a 14 yearyear-old you can... Just doing my laundry again, Mom.
Starting point is 00:24:46 You know me. Love chipping in with the housework. At two in the morning. All right. Well, I think that's enough getting to know us. I don't think... Well, we got to know a lot. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:03 We went deep. We didn't... Nothing much has really happened to me in lot. Yeah. We went deep. We didn't... We... Nothing much has really happened to me in the last couple of days, though. You? No, I went... What was it? What happened on Thursday?
Starting point is 00:25:16 Where did I go on Thursday? We did a podcast. We did a podcast. But then... Oh, I ran into Charlie and his wife and I had dinner with them. Oh. Impromptu. But then, oh, I ran into Charlie and his wife and had dinner with them. Oh. Impromptu.
Starting point is 00:25:32 And then last night I went to Yuck Yucks and that was just okay. That was weird. It was weird because these two guys I know from Seattle were there. Andy. Andy and Andy. Yeah. Haynes and Peter. I ran into them right after you left, I think.
Starting point is 00:25:43 Oh, really? Yeah. I went down to see Andy, and they're out back smoking a joint. I just talked to them for a bit. Yeah. Well, that was the weird thing is they found me literally that morning. You know on Facebook, there's a thing that says, people you might know? Yes. And I went through it, and Andy Haynes was one of the people I might know.
Starting point is 00:26:04 So I logged on. I said, yeah, be my friend. And then 10 minutes later, he's like, we're in town right now. I'm looking for pot and whatever. But he had no way to communicate with me except for in that one 10-minute span when we became Facebook friends, and he also happened to be online. And so I didn't know he was here this weekend. Yeah, he called me on Wednesday and said he was coming up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:29 Super funny. Super funny. He is funny. Yeah, so we didn't saw that. And then the guy from the office was going to do a Guess What, but then he didn't do a Guess What. Yeah, he totally said no. And they were like, well, why wouldn't he do that?
Starting point is 00:26:42 Because the show wasn't going amazing or anything. Like, there weren't a lot of people there, apparently. No, well, it's the first. It's Thursday? Or Friday. It was last night. Friday. Friday night.
Starting point is 00:26:52 Yeah, so really nothing is basically what it amounts to. Okay. Yeah. Anyway, so let's move on to. Well, let me tell you what I did. Oh, I thought we were going to move on. I know, but then you started talking. It was a lot of horseshit.
Starting point is 00:27:05 I wanted to talk about my half lobster that I ate. Lobster fest. A whole half? I had the surf and turf. So half a lobster and a steak. Do you think that when the guy came up with that phrase that he thought he was being really fucking clever? Surf and turf?
Starting point is 00:27:23 Yeah, surf and turf. You know surf and turf. Well, how do you know it wasn't a woman that came Surf and turf? Yeah, surf and turf. Like when he, you know, surf and turf. Well, how do you know it wasn't a woman that came up? Oh, you're right. That's me being sexist. They usually think they're pretty clever. Yeah. They did a thing on, I think it was season three,
Starting point is 00:27:40 episode one of Top Chef. Oh. Yeah. Where it was all, the challenge was surf and turf and everyone had a random uh sea animal and a crazy uh like nazi animal yeah well like it has to be a land animal can't be an air animal but never a nazi animal come from? Oh, not a Nazi animal. Oh, sorry. I totally didn't even catch that. You said not-see. Not-see.
Starting point is 00:28:09 But it was like really weird animals. Like one guy did a surf and turf of eel and snake, which, I don't know. How did he do, though? He didn't get kicked off. I remember that. Here's a... That's maybe my favorite show. What was it?
Starting point is 00:28:30 Celebrity Chef? Top Chef. Top Chef. What's the one that I was watching where Mo Rocca was one of the judges? I don't know. That's on Iron Chef America. That's right. And first of all, who the fuck is Mo Rocca to say anything about anything?
Starting point is 00:28:42 It was my big question. The whole time that he was on there, I was was like aren't you a guy who used to be on the daily show and have no credentials in the food world that i can point to well he's gay right isn't he well what the fuck does that mean that that has doesn't add any level of qualification to anything well how do you know that he didn't invent surf and turf i I don't! Okay. Although, I think surf and turf has been a term that's been around since the 60s. Okay. The surf and turf safari.
Starting point is 00:29:12 I agree, though. I'm glad you brought up that Mo Rocca is talking about food on that fucking show. What the fuck? When's it going to be Vance DeGeneres' term? Exactly. Here's the question, though. They bring on a guy like Mo Rococco he doesn't funny it up any and he also doesn't seem to have any credentials in the food world why do you keep him
Starting point is 00:29:32 go answer the question he's got a nice haircut he doesn't he's got a terrible haircut and terrible glasses he looks like why why did he get kicked off the daily show because he wasn't that funny not funny at all now why is he on a cookie is that right he was kicked off The Daily Show? Because he wasn't that funny. Not funny at all. Now why is he on a cooking show? Was he kicked? Is that right? He was kicked off? Well, they replaced him. What are you thinking?
Starting point is 00:29:49 Did he voluntarily left that cherry gig? Oh, I'm going to... No, I got a gig over on Celebrity Chef on the Food Network. I got to go. Highest rated comedy show. We thought it would be kind of his Colbert Report. No. No, Dave. Let's hit some overheards overheards overheard all right uh seth are you are you on board do you have some overheards yeah i do or a over you only need one i have one that's all i have i have a retro one i had a wicked it's yours
Starting point is 00:30:24 the uh sex ed class yeah i have other ones but i want I have. I have a retro one. I had a wicked... Is yours the... Sex ed class one. Sex ed class. Yeah. I have other ones, but I want to go with the sex ed class one. You want me to go first? Yeah. Do you want to go first?
Starting point is 00:30:32 Sure. All right. I overheard someone just on the street with my girlfriend as we were walking by. He was walking faster than me. And so he started from behind us with his friend. faster than me. And so he started from behind us with his friend and he said I had such a great time last night
Starting point is 00:30:48 because she came into town and she had all these spontaneous things planned for us. But it didn't stop there because he said like board games and then that's when I stopped hearing him. Spontaneous board games. And then that's when I stopped hearing him. Spontaneous board games.
Starting point is 00:31:08 As he's walking away. Like board games. Like board games. Awesome. That's a great overheard. I'm glad I overheard that. I never play board games. I got Hungry Hungry Hippos up there.
Starting point is 00:31:24 That's not really a board game. It's not a board game. That's a novelty game. Yeah. I think that that is classified as a novelty game. I think we have a Trivial Pursuit somewhere. Doesn't everyone, though? Yeah, really.
Starting point is 00:31:37 What's the point? I don't know. I really like Scattergories. I like Scattergories. We play that every Christmas. Yeah, Scattergories. I like Scattergories. We play that every Christmas. Yeah, Scattergories is fun. I played a game with my parents years and years ago. Somebody bought it at Christmas called Humzinger.
Starting point is 00:31:54 Yeah. And it was... Do you know Humzinger? I think I've heard of it. You got to hum famous songs. Oh, yeah. Right? And then somebody else guesses it. But unless you were born between the years 1949 1971 there's nothing in there for you so it was me and my brother boogie woogie bugle
Starting point is 00:32:13 boy and you have a choice between humming it or like charading it out which everybody chose charading it out the humming is the easier way to get it done. But most people didn't know how it went. So then they're like, oh, fucking trying to charade out Uptown Girl. For people that grew up after Billy Joel had already died. He's still alive. I know. I know. I was trying to make a dramatic point.
Starting point is 00:32:42 All right, Dave, overheard. Overheard. Yours better be a doozy. Mine is a dramatic point. Alright, Dave. Overheard. Yours better be a doozy. Mine is a doozy. I think people who listen to the podcast think I have a pretty sad and pathetic life. Really? Even Aunt Sheila? Most of my stories take place either walking the dog
Starting point is 00:33:00 or at the liquor store. Where does this one take place? While walking the dog to the liquor store? Where does this one take place? While walking the dog to the liquor store. I was walking my dog as I am wont to do. And a little boy came out of his house and he was about
Starting point is 00:33:18 eight and he ran up to us and he got down on his knees and he started hugging my dog. Just grabbing him with both arms and kissing him on the face and uh that was coming on a little strong and then asking me questions like do you have a son he didn't ask you that yes he did that's so good do you have a daughter do you have a baby which is neither a son nor a daughter do you have a baby which is neither a son nor a daughter uh and undetermined sex and then i got to play that game with him which was guess my age and uh he thought i was 20
Starting point is 00:33:56 but uh anyway uh kids i find say many of the most darned things. Such as? And he, as I was trying to walk away because this was getting uncomfortable, he asked me about my dog, does he like little balls? Oh, no. And I said, no, gotta go. Which is such a lie because he loves little balls. He does love little balls.
Starting point is 00:34:30 One of his favorite kind of balls. Did you service him? I don't service the youth of this community. You do. Okay. All right. Overheard, reaching way back to sex ed. Reach around.
Starting point is 00:34:44 Reach around to the sex ed Reach around Reach around To the sex ed Of days gone by We watched a movie That was Maybe You know Made in
Starting point is 00:34:53 That was my favorite thing Is that They make these movies In like the late 70s And then The kids who are watching it Like 10 years later Are laughing their asses off
Starting point is 00:35:03 At the hilarious fashions that these kids are wearing anyways that aside at one point what movie was it it was a movie about sex like it was it was just like an educational film i think he needs some visuals yeah um it's a kid at a zoo and it's first of all the first thing i don't know which one to pick because they're both fucking hilarious oh you know what you don't have to pick i'll say both there was the at first there's these kids talking and they're they're trying to illustrate how naive kids are about what happens during sex and it's nasty these two kids are talking and they say i heard that there was once a guy who had a boner so long it took 12 guys to sit on it to break it off right that was in the movie and i remember thinking no kids ever
Starting point is 00:35:54 been that dumb ever like kids are dumb but they're not that fucking stupid And who would agree to sit on it? It was a visual that lasted through the ages. But then... Wait a second, though. Did they try three guys first? No, he was... And then they're like, we need another nine. This hasn't broken off. Well, you'd want to put them all at the end, otherwise.
Starting point is 00:36:27 Or would you stack them from the body up? No, you would do it like that famous poster of the workers sitting on the beam, eating their lunch. They're all just sitting on the guys. You would want all their weight right on the tip of it to break it off. Well, yeah. No, and it's called the boner, according to this movie. And how big is the guy? Just a regular guy, but with a really long cock that they're trying to break off.
Starting point is 00:36:50 Break me off a piece of that. Break me off a piece of that. So that was one of my favorites. But then the other thing was it took place at a zoo. And there's a kid, and he's looking at the monkey enclosure or whatever. And the zookeeper comes up and the whatever the kid asks him a question right where he's like what's that and the zookeeper goes well i'm a zookeeper so that means i've seen a lot of penises the kid everyone in the class i remember there's a kid at the back of the class
Starting point is 00:37:26 threw his notes up like he just threw them in the air and everybody just went nuts it was like uh celebration yeah it was like uh fucking like one of those movies where a teacher comes into the bed the inner city school like that people were just throwing their desks, throwing their pencils on the floor, laughing. Yeah, we got the rest of the class off because we were uncontrollable. She couldn't get us back in order after that. Speaking of celebrations,
Starting point is 00:37:59 we today are drinking, well, we're drinking Tuborg. Tuborg. The Danish premium beer made at the Carlsberg factory. And Hebrew. Yes. The chosen beer. It's a Jewish-themed beer that says L'chaim on it.
Starting point is 00:38:17 L'chaim. To life. Yes. It's a celebration. Made in San Francisco. Brewed in New York. What? It says right there. Conceived in San Francisco. Brewed in New York. What? It says right there.
Starting point is 00:38:27 Conceived in San Francisco. Brewed in New York. Well, that's just fucked up. Is that? By the Schmaltz Brewing Company. Well, that's a pretty... Saratoga Springs, New York. Yiddish sounding name.
Starting point is 00:38:38 It's nice. Schmaltz. So those are some pretty good overheards. I can't believe I went way back in the tank for the retro overheard. It was worth it. Yeah, it was definitely. Some top stuff. What do you want to do now, Jaguad?
Starting point is 00:38:52 Do you want to do a round of Bert or Ryan? Sure. Are you going to sing it? I'm going to do it later. I'll sing it. It's Bert Reynolds and Ryan Reynolds, right? Yeah, it's Bert Reynolds and Ryan Reynolds. I said it's Bert or Ryan Ryan or Burt or Ryan or Burt.
Starting point is 00:39:11 It's never Burt, is it? No, that's how I pronounce it, though. I probably should have gone Ryan or Burt. Ryan or Burt, yeah. Man, in my mind, it always seems like it's going to work. If you've never heard this, have you heard this? I haven't heard Bt or ryan no no well burt ryan's just the latest installment of which started originally with a game that we played called take it or leave it where we would decide if it was something that
Starting point is 00:39:37 you would more take or leave and then it went to paxton or Pullman, then Blanchett or Winslet. Nolte or Busey. Nolte or Busey. Who else? There was somebody else recently that we did. Oh, Beale or Alba. Beale or Alba. So this is, I will read out a thing. Yes.
Starting point is 00:39:59 And you guys will decide. For the record, Ryan Reynolds went to my high school. Did he? What? Really? I can show you pictures from my high school. Did he? What? Really? I can show you pictures from my yearbook. I don't care. He was in the same span of time?
Starting point is 00:40:09 Yeah, he was in grade 12 when I was in grade 8. I would like to see the pictures. He was on that show. That CBC show. After school show at that time. Which one? It was called something. Northwood.
Starting point is 00:40:22 No. It was kind of like a sci-fi. The Odyssey. I don't know. Ryan Reynolds was in The Odyssey? Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah, 100%.
Starting point is 00:40:30 He was the kid in the coma? By Ulysses? No, not that one. No, you know The Odyssey about the kid in the coma. Yeah, the kid in the coma. I didn't watch Canadian TV. He wore like a general's outfit and was like some weird general type guy. Oh, that was Ryan Reynolds?
Starting point is 00:40:48 Yeah. Wow. Holy shit. It wasn't Ryan Gosling? Let's scratch that one off of the old... No, that was Breaker High. Okay. Breaker High.
Starting point is 00:40:57 Remember that? Yes. My girlfriend was almost on Breaker High. Who did she play? The rich one? I'm not sure. My friend almost played the Ryan one i i'm not sure my friend almost played the ryan gosling part really so then your friend would have been in the notebook yeah well no he would have made all the same decisions yeah that's how hollywood works right
Starting point is 00:41:15 it's like that movie did you see that movie grizzly man yes uh. Many times. Wait. With Timothy Treadwell? Timothy Treadwell? Is that the name of the guy? That's the name of the guy with the Prince Valiant haircut. Yeah, the guy that got mauled. And his whole thing was that he was, like, this close to being Woody on Cheers. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:40 And, like, but it's weird that... Then it would have been a white man can't jump. Yeah, but it's also nice to think that Woody Harrelson would have made the crazy move to go hang out with bears. I think that's pretty likely. No, that's what I mean. They both ended up kind of wacky. Did you ever see Project Grizzly? Yes.
Starting point is 00:41:58 Yes. About the guy who builds the grizzly-proof suit? Yes. My friend met that guy and says he's a lunatic. I know Ron Zalkco. Do you? I met Ron Zalco. Alright, here we go. Here we go.
Starting point is 00:42:10 Here we go. Father was of Irish Cherokee descent. Ryan Burt. That was Burt. Congratulations. Seems like that was the era
Starting point is 00:42:25 when people claimed to be of part Cherokee descent. Used to work in a grocery store. Burt. Ryan. Give that one to Dave. Let's keep score this time. 1-1. Let's say
Starting point is 00:42:42 lost the Razzie Award in 1997 to Marlon Brando by one vote. Bert. Bert. Are you sure? Yes. Why? Because Ryan Reynolds wasn't famous by then.
Starting point is 00:42:56 Are you sure? 1997. Van Wilder? Oh, maybe. Just checking if that's, are you going to stick with your answer? We are going to stick with our answer. We've already answered it. You're right. He might have been famous,'re going to stick with your answer. We are going to stick with our answer. We've already answered it. You're right.
Starting point is 00:43:06 He may have been famous, but I'm sticking with my answer. So you both said? Burt. Burt? You're both correct. See? Look at this. Well done.
Starting point is 00:43:14 Van Wilder was in 2000. Failed high school drama class. Wait, what did he get the Razzie for? Who, Burt? Yeah. Oh, striptease. Striptease. Rightease right yeah uh failed high school drama failed high school ryan correct how did you both jump on that well i went to his
Starting point is 00:43:35 high school that you just guessed well no in the in the yearbook it says that it doesn't say that it says everyone's there's a whole page? Everyone's grades are in it. It's a weird yearbook. Who was drafted by the Baltimore Colts? Burt. Burt. Correct. This is easy.
Starting point is 00:44:00 Now, okay, well, which one is a fan of the Green Bay Packers, and which one is a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers? Burt is a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers, and Ryan is a fan of the Green Bay Packers and which one is a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers? Burt is a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers and Ryan is a fan of the Green Bay Packers. Burt is a fan of the Green Bay Packers and Ryan is also a fan of the Green Bay Packers. Oh, you think it's a... No, I don't. I don't care.
Starting point is 00:44:19 What? You gotta say an answer. Ryan, Green Bay, Burt, Pittsburgh. Ryan, Green Bay, Burt,. Ryan Green Bay, Burt Pittsburgh. That's what you said. You guys are both right. Why? Because Burt was in a movie where he was a Pittsburgh Steeler.
Starting point is 00:44:33 Wasn't he? And Ryan Reynolds is Canadian and therefore has allegiances to Brett Favre, who's not Canadian. But that makes no sense at all. Your logic is furious at best. So that was pretty good. I think it was a tie game all around. It was kind of weak. Huh?
Starting point is 00:44:50 It's kind of weak. What do you mean? I usually come up with more stuff. So how do we decide who wins? Do we get like 12 guys to sit on our cock and see if it breaks? See if it breaks off? I bet it will. It's the only way to solve a crisis like a boner.
Starting point is 00:45:04 Break it off. No one's had their penis break off i know of uh i know of somebody who had their penis break during sex like the muscles you mean no like tore the uh basically went out and then went back in and hit a tailbone. Oh! Yeah. Oh! Yeah, and tore all the necessary... Oh! Yeah. Which... Ah. Did he have osteoporosis of the wang?
Starting point is 00:45:34 What? Is that a thing? Yeah, possibly. Okay, we'll be right back. Oh, that was good. We're back. We're back. We just ran back in the room.
Starting point is 00:45:47 Graham wanted to, during our break, I pulled out my yearbook that had Ryan Reynolds in it. And Graham would like to read from it. I think this should be a new segment because these are fucking hilarious. Let me, before I bust into Ryan Reynolds reynolds let's read uh the line from keen reindeers who's right next to ryan reynolds you see this guy with the stripy shirt and the mustache i don't judge people based on what their clothes are and their mustache what about if you said uh i feel sorry for anyone wasting their time looking at this horrible picture of me thanks dad i love you. Death is not to be feared.
Starting point is 00:46:25 It's fear itself. That's pretty standard high school. Where do you think Ken Renders is now? Facebook, maybe? Check him out. Ryan Reynolds. Here we go. This is what he wrote in his yearbook.
Starting point is 00:46:41 It's only been two years for me, but I wish it were longer. Favorite memories. Allie. You, me, one big city, and a handy cam kev where am i and what happened last night i get it trafalgar park 3 a.m it's a little bit chilly boys with a z typical bren why is my uncle's car wet it didn't rain last night heidi i talked you listen thanks with an x uh sierra peace sierra was a warlike girl why are you laughing at me karen jess i could never hate you no matter how hard i try hey Hey, Pete, why is everyone so slow? Speaking of slow, don't ever headbutt me again, lackey.
Starting point is 00:47:30 I still have to learn. Lee, Jeff, Alex, Rich, Gus, Nick, Steve, and Sot. Hold me. You all scare me. And my brother, Terry. Five years. He was only five years old, I guess, at the time. Thanks, with an X, for being there.
Starting point is 00:47:45 Ali, Kev, Bren, best friends forever. For boys with the time. Thanks, with an X, for being there. Ali Kev Bren, best friends forever. For boys with the juice. You know. He's fucking Scarlett Johansson. By the way, at the time that picture was taken, Scarlett Johansson was maybe 11? Yeah, and it's weird. It says that he was voted
Starting point is 00:48:04 most likely to fucking 11-year-old. Weird. I like yearbooks. Me too. We got a lot to learn. Wait. If you went to school... If you don't learn history,
Starting point is 00:48:20 you're doomed to repeat it or something. That would be a quote. Oh, look at this guy. All right, enough yearbooks. I will be looking through your book later. Let's go through the road to rock band. We're on the road to rock band. Why don't you go fuck yourself?
Starting point is 00:48:43 We're on the road to rock band. Fuck yourself, you cunts. You're wasting your time. No, we're wasting your time. Oh, yeah, we're wasting your time. Our time's already well wasted. Okay, good. As the Comedy Network would say.
Starting point is 00:49:00 Da, da, da, da, da. network would say. Wrote to Rock Band. I don't remember the last time that we checked in with this. I believe Phil Hanley schooled my ass soundly. And then last week was Lauren Martin coming in. But prior to that, you did a really good round with Connor Holler.
Starting point is 00:49:23 Yeah, that's right. I was on was on fire the Connor Holler week. I had my best score followed very quickly by one of my worst scores because I got cocky right out of the gates. And you wanted to go a higher level. I did. I went a higher level and then flew too close to the sun. Kid Icarus. Yeah, you got a 95, I believe.
Starting point is 00:49:43 Yeah, and then it dropped down to, I believe, a low 60. But then Lauren Martin last week came again. Everybody seems to come out of nowhere. She never played the game. No, she played Guitar Hero extensively. So she stuck with the guitar, but she was great. And I, again, lowest ranked. I think the highest i scored was 75
Starting point is 00:50:05 so i'm horrible i think maybe that's my destiny is just to be horrible at this game okay i don't know as long as you've uh given up given up yeah yeah all right well i'm still gonna play it yeah because it's such a good theme song for the segment that's really the only reason we keep doing the segment is because that scene theme song makes me laugh i'm horrible trust are you have you ever played i've never played rock band but i've played guitar hero twice we're gonna do it up after the show we'll see the funny thing is is that last night at work at the youth center some kids brought in they just bought guitar hero three but they didn't buy the guitar remote so they love doing that they love playing dance dance with no pad just the thumbs the keys which really defeats the purpose of anything
Starting point is 00:50:55 to do with that you can play guitar hero on your computer without a guitar if you use your keyboard that's gonna be the most boring thing ever and you use i think it's like f1 f2 f3 f4 are like the keys oh like you hold your keyboard up yeah you hold it up like a guitar and and play the space bar space bar like you would with your right hand oh really yeah that's really lame adorable the kids in russia probably think it's great. Here's a... What are we going to do? What segment do we want to do here? Seth? Let's do Celebrity Crush Hat.
Starting point is 00:51:32 Celebrity Crush Hat. Crushin' the hats. Celebrity Crush Hat. Go fuck yourself. Celebrity Crush Hat. Chapeau Chinois. Celebrity Crush Hat. Crush Hat.
Starting point is 00:51:43 Did you say Chapeau Chinois? Yeah. Chineseinois? Yeah. Chinese hat? Yeah. Okay. Like an accent seal complex in French we learned was a chapeau chinois. So I'm picking out a name. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:55 And that age will be... You're not picking out a name, you're picking out an age. You're picking out an age. Sorry, an age. Oh, I picked out two ages. We've probably done one of them before. 34 and 8? We've done them both.
Starting point is 00:52:08 No. I don't know. No. Have we done 8? I don't think we've done 8. 8. Let's do 8. If I was 8?
Starting point is 00:52:14 But it's always fresh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like Subway. Okay. That's easy, man. 8? We'll be right back. All right.
Starting point is 00:52:25 Welcome back to Celebrity Crush Hat. Seth Perry, go right away, who he loved. Dave, after his lovely rendition of Mr. Belvedere, knows who he was in love with, celebrity-wise. And I have a split vote on myself. So let's start with Seth. Seth. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:43 Who did you love? Well, we all know that I was eight in 1988. We all know that. Yeah. As a matter of public record. This show, this segment has gotten me
Starting point is 00:52:56 gotten me learning a lot of people's ages. Yeah. It dates people. I definitely say I like to date people you do? you could have done better
Starting point is 00:53:09 go ahead I didn't mean to interrupt it's important that I did have a crush on Winnie Cooper Danica McKellar who's that Dave? the actress who played Winnie Cooper. I thought she was real.
Starting point is 00:53:27 So you had a crush on Winnie Cooper. Well, then in 1988, she would have been like 40. She was Asian, right? Half? No. She wasn't Asian? She had some sort of Asian in her. Her parents weren't on the show.
Starting point is 00:53:40 No, on the show, but you couldn't have that because the Vietnam War was going on. Right. Talk about your controversy. And her brother died in Vietnam. But everybody had a super crush on Winnie Cooper, right? Any red-blooded North American lad. She was very nerdy, though, in the very early goings. Yeah, because she had the crazy cat glasses.
Starting point is 00:54:00 Yeah, she did. And she had the flat bangs. I don't care for the flat bangs. But then remember when she came back, there was that one year on the show where she came back from summer and she had filled out. Yes, I do. And Kevin and Paul had not.
Starting point is 00:54:17 They still looked like they were 12 and Winnie looked like she was 22. That was brilliant. That show was brilliant. I remember watching it, because then they played it in reruns later on when I was in high school. It was actually quite relatable, despite the fact that it took place in the 60s. Well, the, like, I never remember it being, like, I never remember knowing when it was
Starting point is 00:54:38 on. Yeah. But I'm sure I've seen every episode. I thought it was a sad show, because he was hearing voices all the time. I thought it was a sad show because he was hearing voices all the time. I thought it was a sad show because they didn't have a laugh track. That could have improved it. I was watching MASH the other day, and it has a laugh track. That's my favorite laugh track next to the laugh track they put on the Flintstones.
Starting point is 00:54:58 You're supposed to believe that it was animated in front of a live studio. The MASH movie should have had a laugh track. But actually, the same year, the reason we knew it was 1988 was the year that The Wonder Years was on was because we looked up where Graham found out that
Starting point is 00:55:22 Super Mario 3 was released that year. That's right. And we thought about the movie The Wizard. Yeah. Which featured a young Fred Savage. Yes. And also his love interest was Jenny Lewis, who went on to be the lead singer of Rilo Kiley.
Starting point is 00:55:40 What the fuck is Rilo Kiley? It's a Southern California rock band Is it good? Yeah They're the ilk of, oh I don't know A Phantom Planet A Teen Heroes An Ozma
Starting point is 00:55:53 Phantom Planet's your go-to You know, I don't know A Phantom Planet kind of sound But that The Wizard got me thinking that one time my brother was home a couple years ago, and he was watching TV, and a movie was on, and I had just walked into the house, and he said, hey Dave, your favorite movie's on. And without knowing what it was, I went, the wizard?
Starting point is 00:56:22 And he said, yes! what it was. I went, the wizard? And he said, yes! I, uh, remember, did you see the wizard when it first came out? Yeah, I saw it in the theater. And did it blow your mind when the big reveal was that there was a Super Mario Bros. 3? That was the big fucking thing in that movie.
Starting point is 00:56:38 I didn't have a Nintendo, so it didn't really do much for me. Oh, the movie did, but not that reveal. Remember, when he found the warp whistle? Didn't they get power gloves? Yeah, they had power gloves for the final. No, the bad guy had a power glove, didn't he? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:55 I bought Aubrey Tennant a power glove for his birthday based on his, he had a hilarious comedy there. So I dug up a power glove at some flea market. comedy yeah so i found i dug up a power glove some uh flea market and it's actually like if you cut off all the wires and you just wear it like it's just a glove it is actually pretty badass nice like if you just wear it as a piece of fashion is it uh does it fit an adult as well as a child yeah yeah yeah i wore it and uh that's how i revealed it to him i was still working at this coffee shop and he came in one morning and I had my one hand down below the counter. And I was like, good morning! And he was like, holy shit!
Starting point is 00:57:30 This is your new Power Glove. Graham, who did you have a crush on? That was the year that Who Framed Roger Rabbit came out. And Jessica Rabbit put us all through puberty with her curvy curves. It was cartoon, yes, but all the same, right? I can't believe she married that rabbit. He made her laugh.
Starting point is 00:57:54 As I believe in the logic. I think that may be where I decided that was comedy was the route to go. I'm going to land me a Jessica Rabbit, I said. Did you ever see her laugh? No, but that's what she said in the movie. Right. He makes me laugh.
Starting point is 00:58:07 But she's not the kind of character who would laugh. She loves to laugh. And I forgot already what the other one was. I looked it up, like, not but a couple minutes ago, but I forgot who the other one was. I have something to say about the Jessica Rabbit. Did you ever pause that portion of the video? With the nakedness? Where the boobs come out?
Starting point is 00:58:27 Yeah. The car crash? Yeah. Hip-hop hooray. I love that. But now we're living in an era where there's any jerk-off with a fucking flash program. Can manipulate. Yeah, can fancy up a Jessica Simpson.
Starting point is 00:58:43 That's what I was. That's the real thing. I had a crush on Jessica Simpson when we were both young pups. I... Jessica Rabbit and Jessica Simpson. Not bad. Think about it.
Starting point is 00:58:55 Yeah, all right. I just thought about it. Yeah, how was it? It was... They don't live in the same place. Well, yeah, no, they're not the same species even. One is fictional
Starting point is 00:59:04 and one is mostly autobiographical. But they're both into rabbits. I mean, sort of. I'm trying to remember what that other goddamn crush I looked up was. I can't. I'm not really too happy with my crush that I came up with. But I do remember I was born in December of 80. So 89.
Starting point is 00:59:24 That's a December. De Chiembre. remember i was born in december of 80 so 89 december um i actually i am discovering now that my watch has an english and a spanish setting uh because today is sab oh hey sab nice happy sob i think it's short for sabra doodle. Sabra nero. Sabra. Sabra nero. My crush is a woman who also played a sexy animated lady, but not in this year. In this year, she played Vicki Vale in Batman. Kim Basinger. Kim Basinger.
Starting point is 00:59:59 Oh, yeah, I'm a dumb toast. I was just watching earlier today, Wayne's World 2, where she played Garth's love interest. But really, I mostly liked Prince's song, Bat Dance. Who's that? Vicki Vale. If anything, I had a crush on Bat Dance. That song really, I think, for a lot of people, that was their first exposure to Prince.
Starting point is 01:00:26 So he's just some crazy guy who wrote songs about Batman. Who wrote an eight-minute song about Batman. And where is the Batman? Did you come up with your other crush? I can't remember what it is. Well, who cares? Nobody. Nobody.
Starting point is 01:00:41 So we wrap this one up? Yeah, let's wrap it up. I'm pretty satisfied. Put it up, put it down. Let's go play rock band. Is that wrap this one up? Yeah, let's wrap it up. Are you satisfied? Put it up, put it down. Let's go play Rock Band. Is that a thing people say? Put it up, put it down?
Starting point is 01:00:51 Do you have anything to plug? Yeah, that's things that people say. Did you wink and burp? I did one and then I did the other. And when I burped, it tastes like a tire. Wink and burp is my favorite song by the Killjoys. That's my favorite pub, the Wink and Burp. Wait, that's Raven Drool.
Starting point is 01:01:11 The Killjoys were very disappointing. Were they? Yeah. What were you expecting? I was expecting something cool because the Killjoys had a really cool logo. What was it? It looked like Hot Wheels. They were Canadian. Yeah, so?
Starting point is 01:01:23 So, forgive them. Well, as far as Canadian power pop bands go, they're in my top five with Pluto. Well, Pluto. And Treble Charger. No, Treble Charger wouldn't make it. What about the Bloody Chicklets? Oh, Bloody Chicklets might make it. I like the Bloody Chicklets.
Starting point is 01:01:38 Super Friends would probably make it. I was dating a girl in high school, and this was when I was 17 or 16. And then she disappeared for a while and started banging one of the guys from the Bloody Chicklets. Was it the lead singer? I'm not sure why. Because a girl in my high school was dating the lead singer of the Bloody Chicklets as well. And at the time, they were like 27. Yeah, they were living in kits.
Starting point is 01:02:03 And at the time, they were like 27. Yeah, they were living in kits. Yeah, and they... At least the lead singer was also in a Kiss tribute band called, I think, Black Sabbath? That's the worst name for a Kiss tribute band ever! Black Diamond. Sorry, it was Black Diamond. That would be so fucking awesome. Okay, alright. Seth. Okay. All right. Seth. What?
Starting point is 01:02:25 My friend, Seth. Yeah. Do you have anything to plug coming up? Well, let's just plug my weekly show on Sunday night at 9 o'clock, Jupiter Lounge on Davian Butte in Vancouver, British Columbia. Every Sunday night, 9 o'clock. Yeah, I say 9 o'clock, but we don't start until 9.30. Okay.
Starting point is 01:02:40 Let's say... Let's split it. 9.15. 9.15. Split the difference. Well, they'll just show up at 9.30. Yeah. There's plenty... Let's split it. 9.15. 9.15. Split the difference. Well, they'll just show up at 9.30. Yeah. There's plenty of seats.
Starting point is 01:02:48 And it's... Definitely lots of seats. The Jupiter. Yeah. Starring Seth Perry and Ivan Decker. Yeah. Why not? Dave?
Starting point is 01:02:57 If you want to email us, email us at stoppodcastingyourselfatgmail.com I'll be at a water fight later. That doesn't make any sense. Oh, that's right. And come to our wrap-up blog, stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com. And Dave, you take it easy.
Starting point is 01:03:15 Take good care of your dog and your lady friend. And everybody out there, take care of each other. And the next time... Be excellent to each other. Yeah, be excellent to each other. Party on. And stop podcasting yourself

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