Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 234 - Pat Kelly
Episode Date: September 11, 2012Pat Kelly of This Is That returns to talk mortality, Madden, LebowskiFest, and Wes Anderson dialogue....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 234
234
Of Stop Podcasting Yourself
5678
Chorus line edition
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the musical director
And also talent scout
Mr. Dave Shumka
I am the talent scout and you've got it
Am I my resume?
Chorus line.
Now, Dave, you said that we should plug stuff off the top.
Well, let's introduce our guest, because he's got stuff to plug, too.
Wait, wait.
Who's this guest?
Well, he's got it.
He's not his resume or whatever.
I've never seen a chorus line.
Our guest today, very funny
comedian, one half of the
hit CBC radio
series, This Is That, Mr. Pat
Kelly. Gentlemen,
start your engines. You're damn right.
Two, three, four.
That would be a way to start it.
Days of thunder, days of thunder.
Gentlemen, start your engines.
I've got a need. A need of Thunder. Gentlemen's torture engines. I've got a need.
A need for speed.
Does he say that in every Tom Cruise movie?
He says it in Days of Thunder, no?
He says it in Plane Flying.
Plane Flying Air Force.
Kite Runner.
Kite Runner.
As we mentioned, let's plug some stuff off the top as both uh uh
there will be both a live stop podcasting yourself yes and a live this is that yes at the oleo
festival in vancouver uh you guys are on the 22nd nope nope 20th we're on the 20th. We're the 21st.
We're on the 20th of September
at the Rio Theatre
in Vancouver.
Big deal.
Plush seats. What can people expect?
What we do
on our radio show,
but live in front of an audience
for the very first time
in Vancouver. Okay, here we go. And we will be the following night but live in front of an audience for the very first time.
Really? In Vancouver. Okay, here we go.
And we will be the following night
at the Oleo Festival at the Electric Owl.
Yeah.
None of this old-time
crankshaft owls.
Yeah, no steampunk owls.
Although that is half of the internet.
One, either
steampunk owls or Steampunk Owls.
Yeah, absolutely.
And our guests will be Ms. Alicia Tobin, Mr. Kevin Lee, and it's been announced elsewhere,
but let's announce it here.
Juno Award winning singer-songwriter Danny Mangan.
I mean, Dan Mangan.
Danny Mangan.
Danny Mangan.
So get your tickets for that before his fans.
That's going to be a...
Go to both.
Yeah.
Go to both.
I mean, oh, you're talking about Dan Mangan.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, absolutely go to both.
Yeah.
What's wrong with you?
That is a perfect double night of fun.
Come see our show, then go to your show.
Well, I feel like I just said something that sounded negative.
Get your tickets before his fans
get the tickets. What I mean is,
this thing's going to sell out.
Right.
His fans are called Mangaloids, right?
Okay.
So that is one plug.
Both of those things are available
at oleofestival.com.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And then the following week in Calgary, at oleofestival.com Absolutely. It's a.com. Just Google it.
And then the following week in Calgary on the Wednesday night, the 26th.
Yes.
We are doing This Is That in Calgary
as part of, and you're going to have to
help me with this, the name of the
festival. YY Comedy.
But it's a, see that's
a play on the airport.
It's mostly on the airport.
It's mostly at the airport.
All the shows are at the airport Brewster's Pub.
Yeah, we are performing at Wolfgang Puck.
So we're on the 26th in Calgary.
And we are the following night on the 27th at a place called the Voodoo Lounge, which is named after a Rolling Stones mid-90s
album.
Cool.
We've heard that
Mick may or may
not be in
attendance.
Cool.
Yeah.
So tickets for
that are available
at yycomedy.ca.
.ca.
Absolutely.
That's a.ca for
sure.
All right, guys.
This is going
great.
Smooth sailing.
Let's get to know us.
Plugged.
Get to know us.
Pat.
Yes.
Welcome.
Thank you.
Thanks for being on the show.
Thank you very much.
What's new and exciting?
It's exciting, and it's new, and it's fresh today.
You knew this was coming.
Yeah, no, and I'm excited.
I'm as excited as anybody.
I had a minor operation today.
Oh, yeah.
And it, you know, I'm still just recovering.
I had a cyst removed from the back of my neck today.
Now, for the listeners at home, a cyst is like a cyst-er act.
This is basically like a large marble.
Oh, man.
Filled with cream cheese.
Filled with...
Oh, man!
Not necessarily cream cheese.
Mine was more like it was a chicken nugget.
Oh, yeah.
Good for you.
Chicken, bacon, and chicken bacon but it had been
there for years and so my uh loving girlfriend had asked me politely this year to have this
removed for her birthday present you hid it in her cake so yeah you had a surprise she actually
wanted it in a jar to as. Sure. But that was disgusting.
Was the scar on your shoulder not proof enough?
Well, now it is, yes, today.
So I got that removed, and it was very bizarre having a guy cut open your neck.
Now, Dave had, we were talking, this was ages ago, you got something removed.
In April.
And we were saying it was like Quatto from Total Recall.
Yeah, it was a cyst as well.
Yeah.
And it is...
I found...
Like, my mother, for years...
Abby didn't like it.
Abby wanted me to get it removed.
My mother...
Rock the Casbah.
My mother personally wanted to remove it.
What?
Yeah, she was like, I want to pop this thing.
But it's not poppable.
Anything's poppable if you squeeze hard enough.
Oh!
I thought you were going to do anything's possible
if you believe in it.
Yeah.
If not, can we start that as a little pitch
that we might put forward to TV?
Anything's poppable?
Yeah, nothing's impoppable.
And it's a game show where they try to make an old song and see if they can make it poppable? Yeah, nothing's impoppable. And it's a game show
where they try to make an old song
and see if they can make it poppable.
Oh, that's pretty good.
And they use...
That is pretty good.
And instead of spinning a wheel,
they use a pop-o-matic bubble.
Yeah.
I was going to say,
when you press down on it,
it didn't make the sound
of a pop-o-matic bubble.
Yeah, and then we come up
with a number from one to six.
Do you think somebody owns the patent
on a pop-o-matic bubble?
And that's why they've sort of protected it and it hasn't been everywhere?
Yeah, yeah.
That's why every game doesn't...
We will not allow you to have a Pop-O-Matic bubble in your...
Where else do you see it?
You see it in Trouble.
And that's it.
That's about it.
Well, you see it...
I mean, sure, on the black market there's some dice games that use it.
I think there's a game that's like trouble as well.
I think there's a couple.
Does Boggle use a dice?
Boggle Bubble?
No, Boggle is just a shake.
Bubble Bubble.
Shake Bubble.
Yeah, absolutely.
Oh, there's Bubble Boggle.
Bubble Bobble.
Buggle Bar?
Somehow.
Rubber Baby Bubble.
Rubber Baby Bugle Boggle.
This is great.
So you had a piece of yourself removed today.
Are you worried that that might be the soul part?
No.
I'm happy that that was removed for me.
Yeah.
As the years progressed, I became so uncomfortable with this thing because it was a direct just even touching it was a direct
uh um i guess a wire to my brain to remind me of my own mortality oh so so now you don't have that
now i don't have that so now it's uh yeah it's time to get into some shit yeah now i'm just gonna
party yeah immortal um but um no it was really weird like i would just i was i was so
aware of it and i you know i kind of knew what it was but it would freak me out and i just was it
hard yeah and then i touched it freak you out like you thought somebody was coming up behind you
like it almost was like there's this constant reminder in the the you know the back of my neck that maybe
you're going to die one day.
Well, no, I can up that baby.
Let me jack that up
to definitely.
Definitely that's going to happen.
Yes or no.
Yeah, absolutely.
One day?
Maybe over two days.
Yeah, I'm going to take like ten days.
I'm going to take like a year to do it.
One day.
I'm really going to parse this out.
One year you're going to die.
Actually, maybe I'll take the next like 60.
Yeah, just slowly.
Just slowly die.
Yeah, like one of those calendars that's got the chocolates in it.
Only death.
What are those called?
Advent calendar?
Advent calendar.
Oh, so you're going to eat a chocolate a day I thought you meant if you left a calendar
An advent calendar alone for the next 60 years
And then ate it
That would surely do the trick
That would be a good business we could get into
For when children are born
You sell the parents a 100 year advent calendar
And every year
The kid eats a chocolate No every, the kid eats a chocolate. No, every day
the kid eats a chocolate.
That's big. This thing has to be
wheeled in via
forklift. It has to be a house.
I think I'm not very good. I'm not
very organized.
Growing up in school, they gave us these
agendas so we could write
down homework assignments. How fast did you lose those?
I just left them at the bottom of my bag and ignored them.
Yeah, yeah.
But I think if there was a chocolate every day, I would have gotten into – I would
have been a much more organized and fat person.
What if there was just a spearmint gum every day?
Would that have done it?
No.
No, you would have let that –
So you are a – you would have been an excellent dog To Pavlov
Yeah yeah yeah
I mean basically
He was real kinky
And also Pavlov's dog wasn't allowed to eat chocolate
Because it would kill him
Every time I get out chocolate
My dog's mouth starts dying
So
Cyst free Since mouth starts dying. That's right. So,
cyst free.
Yeah.
Since?
I'm a new man.
3 p.m.
Yeah.
Since this morning.
Ah, that's fantastic.
That's great.
Whole new life, actually.
Yeah, you know what?
You look...
Thank you.
Like you got a good kick in your step.
Yeah, I got a new lease on life.
Did you weigh yourself before and after?
No.
Now, that would have been something.
21 grams.
Oh, no.
So you're that.
You're living life.
Yeah, living life to the fullest I've decided today.
And I'm going to live like no one's watching.
And I'm going to dance like everyone is.
So you put a lot more effort into your day yeah yeah crew big finish and life i'm not even like i'm just gonna go to the store without pants and yeah yeah do live for the first
time in my life i've decided to live what is what is one idea that you have of like if there were no
rules like you know if it was in your last year what would be something where you're like i've
always just wanted to do that oh you know like george costanza wanted to just like bite into a thing
of cheese yeah do you have something well that's a pretty you know i think as a kid it's always like
uh that that kind of dare was i want to do heroin oh really yeah but i don't know if i would do that
now well no you know you've only got you've got no. You've only got a whole new lease on life.
You don't care.
You don't care what's going to happen.
Yeah, no matter what.
Do some heroin.
No matter what.
The heroin's not going to shorten your life.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, you could just do it.
Yeah.
Not get hooked.
Worried about it.
Absolutely.
So heroin's the thing.
Well, wait.
I'm not kidding.
That was when I was 12 I said that. Yeah. We all went through it. The heroin phase at thing. Well, wait, I'm not kidding. That was when I was 12 I said that.
Yeah, we all went through it.
The heroin phase at 12.
Yeah, I was big into Lou Reed at the time.
I don't know.
To get a hobby?
A craft?
Really?
No, that's not at all what I would do.
How about yourself?
What would you?
There's this guy that owes me money from a long time ago.
I would go up and punch him in the face in front of his kid.
I feel like that's something, like, if there were no real...
Like, if I wasn't worried about going to prison...
Zero repercussions.
Do I know this person?
No, this is from, like, many years ago.
But a dude that owes me money.
But I don't just want to punch him in the face.
I want to punch him in the face in front of his kid
so it leaves, like, a long, like,
I remember my dad got punched in the face by this guy yeah a fear yeah yeah exactly you know
what i zero repercussions yeah i would start a restaurant a heroin only restaurant just a
restaurant because i don't want to have to start a restaurant and worry about it being my living.
Oh, okay.
It's too hard.
But if you just, I want to start a restaurant.
What would the restaurant, is there a particular food theme?
It would just be a fantastic restaurant.
It would just be fantastic food, great atmosphere.
We wouldn't worry about charging you.
This is very responsible.
This is a very fun,
great place to go for a meal.
No repercussions. It's the last day on Earth.
I feel like garbage that mine
is beating up a guy.
Dave, do you have...
I guess
go somewhere really cold
and
have them increase my credit limit
and then just buy
all of the cashmere
just cover myself in cashmere
yeah absolutely
pants and cardigans
a pair of eyeglasses made out of cashmere
yeah everything
iPhone made out of cashmere
I just want to roll around for a while.
Now, why can't you just do that?
What are the repercussions?
Bad credit.
Yeah, I guess paying it back.
Yeah, bad credit.
Where are you going to put all this cashmere that you've bought?
Yeah.
It's very hard to store.
Yeah, mobs.
Absolutely.
I mean, it's not as lofty as yours.
It's not as horrible as mine.
It's a...
Having that year, you're asking, what bad investment would you make?
Because you...
Facebook.
It's got to be such a short payoff.
Yeah.
Something that, in the long term, is going to make you look like a fool.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Yeah.
I like,
what would your restaurant,
what would it be named?
Do you have a name?
Probably my name.
Yeah.
Pat Kelly,
the restaurant.
Yeah.
Pat Kelly,
the restaurant.
Formerly known as
Wayne Gretzky's.
Yes.
Wayne Gretzky's,
99 Blue Jays Way.
You've eaten there.
Oh,
yes.
What would you recommend
from the Wayne Gretzky menu?
His All-Star Burger.
Absolutely.
What is on the Wayne Gretzky's menu?
I don't even know.
I think hamburgers and nachos.
But is the food hockey themed?
Is it like Glenn Anderson chicken wings?
Yeah.
Dave Semenko jalapeno pop like
like traded to la crazy fries oh like it's the history yeah yeah yeah it's not my daughter's
a slut yeah something's my married to janet juice
yeah he's an athlete
Absolutely
Is it only stuff that Wayne Gretzky would eat
Before the game
Well I think athletes can eat garbage
Because they
Exercise 24 hours a day
Didn't Wayne Gretzky have a thing
Like he would drink a coke
And then another coke or something
Or a Pepsi
Right before he hit the ice.
Well, this is going way back, and I'd be surprised if anybody gets this name.
But Mel Bridgman, ring a bell?
Oh, mustachioed man.
Yeah.
He played for the Calgary Flames very briefly.
He also played for Vancouver Canucks, and I believe the New Jersey Devils for a long time.
I think his most recent involvement in hockey is maybe he's a general manager or something.
Well, he's done okay for himself.
But he lived briefly down the street from us.
A what?
A Walt Padubney-like character.
What does that mean?
He was just another guy who had a mustache.
It just sounds like you were a guy who didn't know how to pronounce Walt Disney's name.
Okay.
So he lived down the street from me.
Oh, I can't wait to watch that new movie by Walt...
Padovny.
Yeah.
Are you trying to say Disney?
Padovny.
Yeah.
P-what?
P-do-p-you-p-mean.
So he lived down the street from me.
So he lived down the street from me, and he was only there for, he played for like a year in Calgary or something.
So he was only our neighbor for a year.
But every kid in the neighborhood was just awed that there was a Calgary Flame living on your street.
That's crazy.
So he would invite us over to look at his sticks.
You could just look at his sticks in the garage
and also watch him eat before the game.
And it was always just a big bowl of spaghetti.
Yeah.
And he'd eat and then I got some chicken
and then he'd say to all the kids in the neighborhood,
well, that's it.
I got to have a nap.
And we'd all get kicked out of the house.
Oh, like you'd go over to his house?
We'd go over to his house and sit and watch this man at the kitchen table eat his thing.
So the game would start at 7.
Yeah, he'd be eating this meal at like noon.
My pregame meal.
He'd spend a six hour nap.
Yep, have a nap and then he'd head to the rink.
Oh, love it.
So all the neighborhood kids, would he, like, did you guys just know,
and he would leave the door open, and the kids would just filter in to watch him eat?
You know, my memory of it is probably more aligned with that.
But I think what would happen is he would get so sick of every kid
just sort of standing on his front lawn, like, pointing and looking at his house, that he arranged these sort of events.
He would say to the parents, like, tell them they can come over during this time.
How great is this?
This is pretty great.
Do they do that anymore, do you think?
I remember trying to get Tim Hunter's autograph at a soccer game, and he got mad at me.
I think hockey players are a lot um a lot better
paid in this day and age so uh they only live in neighborhoods with uh billionaires yeah but also
they'd be eating something maybe a little fancier than this fancy feast yeah some some top line
what if you were super rich but you were super gullible? So you're like, oh, this is the only thing that says fancy on it.
I only want to buy things with the words fancy and excellent on them.
Isn't there like a fancy ketchup?
Or like, isn't some condiment known as like fancy, I don't know.
I know there's French's, which sounds fancy.
Are you referring to Dijon?
Are you trying to say Dijon?
I am not.
Oh, good.
No, there's some kind of fancy condom.
Guys, I'll get to it.
Don't write in.
I was asking because for years
that's how I used to say Disney.
Walt Dijon.
Walt Dijon.
This childhood, this idea of going over to a hockey player's house is very...
Yeah, it was mind-blowing.
Yeah, that seems huge.
And now, who would have that effect on you now as an adult?
Nobody.
Hulk Hogan.
If I got to see Hulk Hogan...
You'd be starstruck.
If I saw Hulk Hogan eating a plate of spaghetti
I might have a heart attack
Because that would be amazing
I think I could still get starstruck
But the idea of hanging out
With someone
Especially a hockey player
Who is just a regular guy
Who happens to be good
Who's like 20 now
Who's younger than me
This guy seemed like An ancient warrior when I was a kid.
But he was probably...
Mel Bridgman at the time was probably 21 years old.
Yeah.
You know?
Wow, but the mustache aged him.
Yeah.
Did he have a mustache at 21?
He did, yeah.
But I feel like everyone did back then.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Yeah, who would make you weak in the knees?
What if you saw Regis eating like a yogurt before everything?
That's all he does.
He's like, this is my pre-nap meal.
I nap.
I eat a yogurt.
Then I nap for a few hours.
And then it's time to nap.
Yeah, get up for a brief yogurt, then go back to napping.
Yeah, no, that would be great.
I would love to watch him nap.
Would Mel Bridgman let you watch him nap?
No, I think that's where it would probably get pretty creepy for all the parents.
I don't know.
It was a different time.
That's true. Kids want to watch me It was a different time. It's true.
Kids want to watch me nap.
Yeah.
That's what's happening.
Yeah.
You can watch the couch naps.
You can't watch the bed naps.
Yeah.
When I go to take a shower, you kids are going to stay on the other side of this curtain.
Yeah.
Promise you don't look at my wiener.
Oh, man.
Bridgy.
You know, I think Bill Murray would make me feel a little uncomfortable. Oh, man. You know, I think Bill Murray would make me feel a little uncomfortable.
Oh, man.
Starstruck, in a way.
There are many people I admire, but it's like the idea of hanging out with someone where it's...
And it'd be the greatest day of your life.
Where they're a celebrity and you're just...
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you know who wouldn't make me feel that at all?
Sting. yeah yeah yeah do you know who wouldn't make me feel that at all um sting like if sting was in the same room as me i bet you i wouldn't even think twice about it like oh you're stretching
again who would you be super critical of who would you like not not there would be nothing
between you would just like you'd make a point of saying to them you're not impressing me yeah
not impressed by you being
Yawn
Oh like somebody who would be like
I'd just rather just have the spaghetti
Than the celebrity
Are you going to finish that
Do you know what anybody
I can honestly say like anybody who's a star
On the food network
Any of those people I would rather just have the spaghetti
I think
What
Oh yeah well I mean if they prepared it Absolutely Any of those people, I would rather just have the spaghetti, I think. What? Oh, yeah.
Well, I mean, if they prepared it.
Absolutely.
Oh, well, absolutely.
I know who mine is.
I don't want to look up Mario Batali when I'm eating.
I think I would do that for anybody, but particularly the drummer in Blink-182.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Travis.
Very specific.
But remember years ago he had that TV show where it was about him and his wife just like
living their life.
Yeah.
And I decided that then.
I decided that that's what I would do to that guy then.
When that TV show was on, I said, if I was ever in the same room as that man, I would
pretend I'd...
You would just yawn right in his face?
And ask him and get the name of his band wrong
aren't you from three doors down yeah are you the guy from chamber warmer yeah
who would it be for you dave gotta be someone well one time i was at virgin mega store
and corbin bernson was uh in line beside me and he was like hey can i look at those cd players
and i was blocking the display case, and I was like,
oh, sorry.
He stuck it to Corbin Burns.
What's the guy,
Maroon 5 guy?
Adam Levine. I would do that to him, too.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
I don't think I would know him.
No.
Some of these would just happen i would pretend i would
be like uh if i was hanging out with maroon five i would uh pretend that i was super interested in
everyone else like all the no-name people in the band yeah the maroon four that seems like a like
a promotion asking which one of you is the singer. Yeah. And what is your song?
What is your hit song? Yeah, keep walking up to the janitor and being like, I love your voice.
That seems like a promotion Skittles would put on.
Like, hang out with Maroon 5.
Yeah.
For a week.
Get marooned with Maroon 5.
Yeah, it's just you.
That's happened, I'm sure.
What?
Where people have just been on a desert island with Maroon 5. Well, that had to have been a contest somehow. Yeah, it's just you. That's happened, I'm sure. What? Where people have just been on a desert island with Maroon 5.
Well, that had to have been a contest somehow by Kool-Aid.
Get harpooned by Maroon 5.
Yeah.
Get poo-dogged.
Yeah?
What did she say?
Poo-dogged?
Get poo-dogged.
What is that?
Get poo-dogged by Maroon 5.
What is that?
Use your imagination.
It's a contest.
You have to decide what Poodog is.
It's an essay contest.
First of all, you've got to tell us.
There's only three rules.
Name all the members of Maroon 5.
Tell us what you think Poodog is.
Name the island you want to be marooned.
Marooned.
Get marooned and poo dogged with maroon fire.
Don't forget harpoon.
Yeah.
Maroon harpoon.
Brought to you by Walt Dijon.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
So we've covered a lot of good ground so far.
I mean, who we would ignore. Yeah. So we've covered a lot of good ground so far. I mean, who we would ignore.
Yeah.
I don't think...
There's very few celebrities I would feel compelled to go up to.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Who would you feel bad if you didn't?
Like you saw them and you're like, ah.
This was my once in a lifetime.
My one chance.
Yeah.
To have them forget who I was instantly.
Yeah.
I don't know that I need to have that connection.
No.
Yeah.
It's true.
Well, what if you could?
I saw Keanu Reeves once in the, like, peak of the Matrix kind of success.
You were in the Matrix at the time.
Yeah.
I was living in my own Matrix, you know, with a cyst and everything.
in the Matrix at the time I was living in my own Matrix
with a cyst and everything
and
I saw him
in a bar in Los Angeles
and we were about as far away
from each other as we are
in this room
and I often think about that night
what would have happened if I had
just gone up to him and said something
to the effect of this is what I think I would have happened if I had just gone up to him and said something to the effect of... What would you have said?
I would have... This is what I think I would have
said. I thought about this.
I'm from Canada too, eh?
And then that would have
cascaded.
Cascaded into him
inviting me to sit down.
We would have been best friends.
You'd be good
in The Matrix 2.
We're thinking of getting rid of Lawrence Fishburne.
What movies has he made since that time?
The Lake House?
The House House?
The House Bunny?
I could see him pulling one of these things
that he's been trying to get into character
for the last five years.
Oh, really? And something will come out where it's like like he was working on this character piano reeves is an
anteater and he just comes out and it's like eating ants with his face absolutely
we gotta work up to that absolutely there's this commitment to a character. You used to just eat a bowl full of ants with a spoon.
Neighborhood kids would come by.
Can't eat some ants.
Out of Mel Bridgman's mustache.
Yeah.
If he wanted to eat something spicy, he'd eat some fire ants.
Yeah, etc.
Other ants.
Dave, what's going on with you?
Oh, not a heck of a lot.
What?
Well, here's why. with you? Oh, not a heck of a lot What? Well, here's why
I bought a video game
Mmm
Yeah, I bought Burger Time
Can I guess?
No, I didn't buy Burger Time
Guess
The new NHL?
No, it's not out yet
Oh, okay
But you will be buying
Is it the 16th NHL?
Is it NHL?
Oh, they name them after years
Oh
So it'll be like the...
What am I thinking of?
Something else.
Something I invented in my head.
Okay.
Is it a sport?
It is a sports.
Soccer?
Nope.
FIFA?
No.
Football?
Yes.
And NFL?
CFL?
CFL?
Do they do that?
They should.
They should.
Absolutely.
No one would buy it.
No.
Oh, everybody in Saskatchewan would buy it.
Yep.
Yep.
Absolutely. Absolutely. No, it was the John Madden
Franchise, which doesn't involve
John Madden anymore
Is he dead?
No, he's still alive, against all odds
Driving across America
This is such a duckin' mobile
I had the first
Not the first, actually
On Sega Genesis, I had the second John Madden first actually On Sega Genesis I had the second
John Madden football
Which was John Madden 1992
So that's 20 years they've been doing it
And would he be in it?
And you haven't experienced this in between?
No, I've had a few
But back then, he was on the cover
Right, yes
This was before they figured out how to sell video
But now it's like Tim Tebow
Was he suited up in a football?
It's a Tennessee Titan I think
I don't know, I don't really follow the sport
Okay, so you bought a video game
That's all you've been doing
I had an urge
I don't play video games very often
I will buy one video game a year
Usually the hockey one
Looks like I'm buying two this year
Because for some reason'm buying two this year yeah because
for some reason christmas came twice this year um uh yeah and here's what's up first thing you do
you gotta make yourself because you're just gonna play as yourself yeah so here's here's who i am Who I am currently. I am 6'5". Sure.
225 pound.
Starting quarterback for the Seattle Supersonics.
Wow. Which are a former basketball team.
Yeah, absolutely.
So I opted for the Seahawks.
Yeah.
I am the best player in the league.
Wow.
I look just like me.
They have a thing now where you can upload your photographs
Oh goodness
And it'll make a face for you
And then you can sort of adjust and be like
You want to make yourself less chubby
You should put a photo of you as a little kid
That would be great
Oh it would be fun
And so I
So that's me
I'm very good at football
And the season's going well Yeah Yeah, so that's me. I'm very good at football.
And the season's going well?
Yeah, so far I'm 6-2, which is close to my height.
Who'd you lose to?
Oh, I lost the first two games because I couldn't figure out the best way to... Basically, I learned the plays that work, and then I just repeat them over and over, and then I realize pretty quickly that the game's kind of boring.
Is there a special... You know how in those games there's special mods, right?
You download them and they're like...
Big head mode?
Yeah, exactly. I think you could be in the DeLorean from Back to the Future.
Wait, while playing football?
Yep.
You can go in and out of time.
You can go to the end of the game, find out who won and how.
Come back and do exactly what.
I remember in NBA Jam, you could be Bill Clinton and Al Gore.
And there were a few other ones like that.
You really can.
You could be the DeLorean in What's More You Steal Cars.
Oh, Grand Theft Madden.
Yes.
Oh, right.
Is there, would there be a mod where John Madden comes out and dumps a Gatorade on you
or goes on a slip and slide if you win a game?
Those would be great mods.
Hey, everybody.
Look at me.
great mods.
Hey everybody!
Look at me!
Look at me!
That's pretty great. That's John Madden's catchphrase.
Hey everybody!
Look at me!
I've played the Madden games in the years in between.
Every three or four years I'll get
one of these games.
He's just been phased out of them. It used to be like
he'd talk, he would do all the
commentary. He would do the commentary, he would
give you a rundown before the game.
If you didn't know what play
to choose, ask Madden.
And now it is
ask the other guy.
Ask Benji Madden from
Good Charlotte. Ask
Boomer Esiason.
He says, apply more
mascara. Thanks, Benji
Madden. Hey, everybody,
look at me.
Here I go.
Whee!
Yeah,
if you win, you get to watch
Chug like an entire
liter of gravy.
Fancy gravy.
Yeah, absolutely.
No skin.
So that's been your...
Your life's passion?
Yeah, that was how I spent Labor Day weekend.
That's how I celebrated the unions in this country.
Yeah.
Do we have Labor Day in Canada?
We do, right?
Labor Day?
Yeah.
It's not just an American...
I would have guessed that it was started here.
Is that a thing?
Is that possible?
This is uncomfortable.
I just thought America celebrated the 4th of July twice.
Once on the 4th of July and then on the Labor Day weekend.
It was like a callback.
I can't remember how great it was.
Yeah, do you...
I mean, the only significance
that Labor Day ever had for me
was the day before school starts.
Yeah.
Also, the idea of why
you weren't allowed to wear white.
That was a big...
Because I would see it in a clueless or something
shirt and be like, I don't know what that means. I still don't know what it means, actually. That was a big thing. Because I would see it in a clueless or something. Sure.
And be like, I don't know what that means.
I still don't know what it means, actually.
Why you're not allowed to wear white after Labor Day. White after Labor Day.
Yeah.
Because people wear white coats in the winter and stuff.
Yeah, I think it's like white pants.
Oh, well, you know what?
Then these rules do not apply to me.
What is that for?
Why? It's like a uh because everybody's getting married in pants after no no it's not that's what i thought it was
it was a virginity it's not like purity you know i don't know exactly but it's like the bad luck for
the upcoming labor um no it's because it's the end of summer And these are summer clothes So just don't stop wearing shorts
Yeah, I guess so
I mean, there really aren't
You know what?
I'm looking at you like I'm mad at you for this rule
Like you made it up
You're wearing white right now
Why?
A shirt
It's after Labor Day
I'm wearing white shoes
And shoelaces
One thing I remember about Labor Day
Is like, you would get all of your back-to-school clothes on Labor Day weekend.
And they would be like fall clothes.
And you'd wear them to school the first day.
But it's still...
It would still be really hot.
It's not like a light switch.
And there's also a period, too, where going back to school, like, for example, my niece and nephew are still, you know, fairly young.
Going back to school is exciting.
They're, like, ready to.
It's a party.
Yeah, they're going to see all their friends again.
And they're going to get new shoes.
Yeah, new shoes.
Oh, man.
Get new pencil crayons.
Backpack.
I don't know.
Do they use that anymore?
Come on. Pencil crayons? I think so. No, you're right. They use internet crayons. Yeah, pencil crayons. Backpack. I don't know. Do they use that anymore? Come on.
Pencil crayons?
I think so.
No, you're right.
They use internet crayons.
Internet crayons.
But then there's a period where, you know, I'd say it's around grade 6, 7.
When going back doesn't mean anything.
You're not excited.
No.
For me, it was grade 1.
I would apparently, I don't remember this very well, but like my siblings went to the same school as me.
And they would tell me that as soon as the bell rang, I would burst into tears.
I hated school so much.
Oh, man, that's really sad.
I hated it.
Would it have been better if you had like a You know like a John Madden on your shoulder
Sure
Here I go
Yeah give me
Ask Madden
Don't cry Dave
Are you
Goliath
Yeah yeah no I'm John Madden
John Madden actually did the voice for Barney
Yeah yeah
Take it easy Is that how Barney. Yeah, yeah. Take it easy.
Is that how Barney sounded?
Don't take drugs.
You sound like Barney Rubble.
Is that the Barney you meant?
No, I meant Barney the Dinosaur.
He sounded like this.
Hey, Fred.
Yeah, right?
Yeah.
Oh, you're going to the quarry, Labor Day.
Wife swap, Fred.
Friday night. Really? Why would Barney want a wife swap
We need a new day called Labor Day
All we do is work
It started in the Flintstones
A lot of good things did
Well it was a living
It was started by dinosaurs and birds
Yeah
The birds union Yeah. The birds union.
Yeah, they formed a union.
I don't want to be used.
I don't want...
You're using my beak for...
Yeah, we're the record playing birds union.
Yeah.
You want to listen to a stone record?
You're going to have to pay a fair wage.
Yeah, by the...
I don't know, friends.
Isn't that how we would laugh?
I guess.
Anyway, so
Labor Day is great. A lot of
sales. Oh, yeah,
right? Not on video
games.
Yeah, back to school video game sales.
Get your John Madden
tutorial video game.
You can do it.
The Coles Notes.
Oh, goodness.
Yeah, you? How's you?
How is me?
Oh, I'm fine.
Woe is you?
You're right. Woe is me.
Here's the thing.
I feel like I may have
stumbled upon, very accidentally,
a new policy when dealing with
hecklers.
I've only put it into effect
once, but I really liked how it turned out.
Are you getting heckled more than in the past?
Yeah, and I think
it's either because I
as a person am just generally
inviting it somehow,
or people are getting
generally worse. One or the other
is happening. Thoughts?
I don't think you deserve any of it.
So I think I'm siding with
the fact that people are getting worse.
That's what I feel like.
So I was doing a show and there was a table
and I can, sorry I'll interject
the beard I think
indicates that maybe
this is a guy who can take it.
Yeah.
I think your beard sort of gives this off.
And I can.
You know.
I'm fine with this.
Well, you've got a new, you know, Graham Clark policy.
This is my new policy.
And I told this to the audience.
There's a table of very drunk Irish gentlemen.
Irish from Ireland?
Irish from Ireland.
Or just drunk apparently vancouver
right now is having full of irish full of irish yeah a lot of people from ireland are here doing
trades lots of plumbers welders whatnot uh the city is potato peelers potato mashers yeah potato
mashers uh irish dancers Hop crushers. Yeah.
Yeah.
All the important traditional Irish positions.
Jiggers.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fight an Irish.
Luckies.
Yeah.
Charm collectors.
Lucksmiths.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gold.
Sorrowful poets.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yep.
Um...
Uh, quaint village upkeepers.
Emerald Eilers.
Uh, Colin Farrell.
These are all sweater-wearing, uh...
Cap-having, sheep-tending, Guinness-drinking...
Motherfuckers.
Motherfuckers.
So these guys were fuckin' just drunk and ruining the show. Sheep tending Guinness drinking. Motherfuckers. Motherfuckers.
So these guys were fucking just drunk and ruining the show.
And after the show, I dealt with them.
But then after the show, I went straight to their table and said,
You're buying me drinks because you fucked up the show.
And I'm not going to go to the bar and pay for my own drinks because you made it hard.
And they agreed to it.
And that's my new policy.
As soon as the show is done, if you've been the shitty table,
I will be at your table and I will be demanding drinks
from that table. So have one ready.
I'll tell you. Mostly beer.
But if you have a fancy shot, I'll also do that.
You're going to get roofied.
You know what? I'm alright with that.
Because these guys weren't, you know, and for the most part
you have way more
experience of this than I.
These people are not necessarily
doing this because they're not enjoying the act.
They think they're allowed to do it.
They're having fun.
They're taking the piss.
As they would say.
But now you owe me drinks.
That's my new look on it.
And are you going to announce this from the stage?
Yep.
If somebody starts getting out of joint,
they're going to have to pay the piper.
Roddy Roddy Piper.
Yep.
So anyway, so I just stumbled upon a new policy.
I'm pretty happy about it.
I'm excited to put it into full effect.
I'm going to be doing shows in Victoria this weekend.
It's too late.
Like the podcast has already happened.
Yeah.
But I'm going to give it a road test this weekend.
And I'll give you a full report on how drunk I got. You know how in companies or offices when a new corporate policy comes into play, someone
will often put notes around.
What if you put this in a note form on every table in the bar?
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Like attention, please.
Yeah.
So people come in.
They're like, oh, we're excited.
They look.
There's a piece of paper on their table and it's a new policy.
Man you're not wrong. From the comedian that's
going to be up on stage. I feel
like people would then compete to be
the second drunkest table.
You might be welcoming trouble there.
So then you need another policy
of like don't try to
use this first policy.
Yeah. Then you have to buy me a car.
Yeah.
Pay my rent.
Yeah, it should be like
Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross.
First prize is a car.
Second prize is set-as-stake night.
Third prize is you're fired.
Yeah, you're fired from the audience.
I like that as an idea.
If you're the third drunkest table.
Oh yeah, would I reverse?
The first drunkest table has to buy you a car.
The second has to buy you steak knives, or in this case, alcohol.
Third table's fired from their jobs.
You call their employer and they're fired.
Now here's another thing that's gone on this week.
I got an email inviting me to go to the very first Vancouver Lebowski Fest.
Okay, you seem like you'd get that email.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I don't remember signing up for the list, but this is, again, these are things that can happen post demanding drinks from strangers who have heckled a show.
Now, I've heard of other cities with Lebowski festivals.
Right.
So you go, and I guess they show the movie,
and maybe there's bowling.
And white Russians.
Housecoats.
Housecoats, yeah.
Pendleton sweaters.
But from this email, this is happening in Vancouver,
but it was like the admission price was $25,
but I was like, but just to go watch the movie with people who will just ruin watching the movie.
Is that a thing?
Can you just show a movie that people like and say dress up like a thing and then charge them $25 to go see it?
Is it just the movie?
Yeah.
Do they do it?
There's no other events happening around?
Well, they said there would be white Russians.ians i mean obviously but at the concession but it didn't say like 25 dollars
gets you sure oh yeah you're now able to spend more on white russians yeah yeah it just said
like 25 dollars that's do you think they um uh like rocky horror picture show it up like uh
i'll give you like scripts?
Say the lines?
Yeah.
If it's your first time seeing the movie,
they draw a big L on your forehead.
Yeah.
They cut off your toe.
They pee on your rug.
Yeah, exactly.
When I read the email...
Ooh, maybe in the bathrooms,
rugs in every urinal.
Oh, that'd be fun.
I mean, if they're going to do stuff like that, that would be great.
Right?
Yeah.
And then they're going to beat up a nihilist in the parking lot.
See, Bashemi's going to die.
Yeah, they're going to throw ashes in your face out of a folder again.
They're going to find a stranger in the Alps.
Absolutely.
But the whole thing I have with an evening like this,
it goes back to several years.
I don't understand the fandom around The Big Lebowski in the first place.
Oh, you don't like it?
I like the movie.
I enjoyed it.
I don't understand why so many people have glommed onto this thing
thinking that it's the best thing in the world.
You're the same.
You're just like, it's a movie.
Yeah.
It's just a movie that happened.
It's a fun movie.
It's, you know, Coen Brothers.
Yeah, like, why isn't there Fargo Con?
Yeah, exactly.
Or Brother, Where Art Thou Con?
Or any other movie.
How great would that be?
That would be really great.
It would be just as great.
It would be really great. I would be just as great. It would be any greater.
I would be just as angry about it.
I would be asking the same question.
I'm glad you're asking this question.
That's very interesting.
Where did it start and why?
Because the character is compelling to a certain group of people?
A terrible person.
Yeah.
He's not admirable.
No, yeah.
He's a lay-about. Is it the not admirable no yeah he's a he's a is it
the lore around the idea that it's a real guy like the character is am i right based on a guy
but he's not based on a guy who is like the guy in the movie he was the guy who was a guy who's
just went by dude yeah but it was like super rich and like a movie producer wasn't he he wasn't he wasn't
i don't know the story i like don't care enough right yeah um thanks barney why isn't there barney
fest uh well it should be a flintstones fest i mean if i got an email for that because you know
what eat pray love fest uh no no just scratch that no but you know what? Eat, pray, love fest. No, just scratch that.
No, but you know what would be great about that?
It's got the three.
You easily know what's going to happen during that night.
There's going to be a dinner.
Absolutely.
That's the best festival.
Prayer time.
And then free sex.
Free sex.
With Javier Bardem.
The lights go out.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
Sorry.
Javier Bardem.
I hardly know dem. Oh, there you go. Yeah, you can't Javier your bar dem, I hardly no dem.
Oh, there you go.
Yeah, you can't have your bar dem and eat it too.
Have your bar dem, I hardly...
Great work, squad.
Anyway, so it's weird because...
Where is this thing happening and why wasn't I invited?
It's happening at a theater, a movie theater here in town.
The East Van Cinema? Does that still exist? Yeah, I movie theater here in town. The East Van Cinema?
Does that still exist?
Yeah, I didn't think so either.
Maybe that's the problem with a Lebowski Fest.
Booking into a place that's been torn down.
Anyways, it's weird.
It's weird.
I've never...
I've been to the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I've been to a midnight screening
of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
Yeah.
And I get that that because it seems like
the movies were made specifically
for that, in a way.
For that participation.
When Rocky Horror Picture
Show was originally released in theaters,
did that happen at screenings?
Like every screening?
People just came with toast.
A Tuesday 2pm matinee
of the Rocky Horror Picture Show
it would be a very slow
weird start
to getting that going
because it would involve
like
two or three people
doing like
the most random
weird stuff
while watching a movie
and you'd be like
what are you doing
this is part of it
part of it
and no one knew
and then
the next time there'd be a guy who'd
join the team yeah yeah of doing all this if that movie ever comes on tv are you ever like
why why would anyone watch this on tv i would turn the channel yeah i would watch it but i
would also then i would just wish i was watching it in the theater wearing yeah you know uh thigh
high fishnets yeah you understand i've only seen it in the theater I've only seen it once
and I enjoyed it but I would never
think to watch it on TV
but anytime anybody starts I have the same
reaction to someone singing
songs from that
or referencing it
as I do when a gaggle
and I'm going to call them a gaggle
of girls get together and start singing songs
from Grease. Oh, sure.
I immediately have to leave the room.
Oh, I thought you were going to say join in.
No, I get completely uncomfortable and have to leave.
Hmm. I would have thought
I would have pegged you as
the one that I want.
Yeah, like would have been in
maybe a Zupo. You seem like you were born
to hand jive. Really? Yeah.
In a junior high or something.
No.
I thought you were a theatrical lad.
No.
No.
Oh, my goodness.
You've got me all wrong, Graham.
I thought you were just, I thought you had the bug early.
Yeah.
No.
No.
No.
You know what I think would be a good midnight film?
Like it would be fun to go see with people and and shout out lines and stuff, Napoleon Dynamite.
I think that would make a perfect...
Yeah.
Right?
Because it's not too good.
Yeah.
I mean, it's people wearing the costumes and then you could throw...
When he tries to feed that llama food, you throw food at the screen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know who you'd think would have this kind of thing going, too, would be Wes Anderson.
Yeah. Although he's a little precious yeah and they go to bed at like a tenth yeah yeah it's kind of a chamomile crowd there's not enough corduroy in the world yeah would there be
like a corduroy screen like uh curtains that would open up they'd be be like a nice beige corduroy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The participation for that would be like,
get the soundtrack,
put it on medium to low volume,
and then get the books that are on the shelf in the film,
get into bed,
wear a nice warm coat,
with the family,
make some tea,
and then be dissatisfied with your marriage.
Yeah.
Right?
That's about right.
You know, it'd be fun if you guys are up for this.
I don't know if we can do it on the spot like this.
My girlfriend and I often will partake in this game of having Wes Anderson dialogue.
Okay.
game of having Wes Anderson dialogue.
Okay.
And so you have to imagine someone pick a song that could underscore our conversation.
Heroin by the Velvet Underground.
Okay, I'm trying to hear it in my head.
Dave, if you would.
Okay.
And then what?
So then you have to sort of, we'll still be each other in this scene.
Okay.
So, Graham, there's something I need to tell you.
What?
David and I are no longer going to speak during this podcast.
Why?
Sometimes that's just the way the things work out, Graham.
Have you always worn spectacles?
Yeah, since my vision went.
You're stepping on my cape I think that's basically that was really good
that was really good
I wasn't sure where it was going to go
I thought and then
I'm not going to lie
I was going to try and cap it with a John Matt
here I go here I go you guys watch me I'm not going to lie. I was going to try and cap it with a John Madden.
Here I go. Here I go.
Are you guys watching me?
It would just be someone forlornly looking out the window and saying,
I think I need to stop playing John Madden.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, right.
Oh, boy.
Wes Anderson, we love you.
Yeah.
Big Lebowski fest.
Maybe I will skip it. Maybe I'll go. Maybe I'll go to say that I went, we love you. Big Lebowski Fest. Maybe I will skip it.
Maybe I'll go.
Maybe I'll go to say that I went, right?
Sure.
You got $25.
Boy, do I ever.
Yeah.
I got nothing but $25.
I don't got $26, that's for sure.
New policy.
You're saving all that money on drinks, on hooch.
Absolutely.
Do you want to move on to overheards?
More than any.
Overheards.
Overheards.
Things in the general populace.
You know what?
People can't stop talking.
They can't stop saying dumb things.
Word on the street.
Yeah, leaving dumb things around to oversee.
And we collect them, and then we present them.
Hey, Graham, before we move on to overheards, it's time for my favorite segment in the show.
A segment called Celebrity Birthdays.
It is.
Now, every week, if you're new to the show, people clamor for it.
People want to know which celebrities are celebrating their birthday this week.
Not even this week.
Just on the day that the podcast is most likely to be listened to.
Yeah.
That is the Tuesday of the week.
And this week we are talking celebrity birthdays for September 11th.
Lest we forget.
It's not lest.
It's never.
Lest we forget is the war.
Yeah.
Come on.
You look like a real 9-11 dummy. Lest we forget is the war. Yeah. Come on. You look like a real 9-11 dummy.
Lest we never forget.
Now, I like to mix it up with a different kind of celebrity birthday every week.
And this week's, I checked out the celebrity birthdays this week for September 11th,
and it was the most boring celebrities.
Sorry, Amy Madigan.
I don't even know who that is.
She was the wife in Field of Dreams.
Oh, wow.
Sorry, Christy McNichol.
Also the wife in Field of Dreams?
Wow.
Jeez.
Sorry, Harry Connick Jr.
You're boring.
Apologies to Ludacris, who's a real interesting dude.
Absolutely.
So I've decided to...
I noticed that there were a lot of semi-famous people with very cool names.
So, this week's Celebrity Birthdays is Celebrity Best Names.
Celebrity Best Names.
I will tell you the famous person celebrating a birthday this
week, and you will try to guess what they do for a living. Oh, okay. Oh, that's kind
of fun. But Dave, before you do that, if you could just zip it up for a second, it's time
for my favorite segment, a little thing called Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News.
It's a Hulk Hogan News.
It's a Hulk.
Hogan.
News.
This week, we're talking politics.
And, you know, the Republic National Convention just happened.
Republican.
That's correct.
Not republic.
Republic National Convention just happened.
Republican?
That's correct.
Not republic.
And right now, as we speak, the Democratic National Convention is happening.
And Hulk Hogan cannot wait to weigh in on all things political.
What does he weigh in at these days?
I don't know.
That's a good something 90 stone.
Let's say. Oh my god.
That's over a thousand pounds?
Yep.
That's like ten candle power.
Yeah, ten foot candles.
Now, Hulk Hogan, here's the thing.
This is unfortunate to report that he is boosting for Mitt Romney.
Why is that unfortunate?
Mitt Romney is the best hope this country has.
Canada?
Yeah, that's right.
So he is boosting.
He was originally a Barack Obama guy in 2008.
Weren't we all.
Now, lest we forget.
Hope?
Yeah, lest...
Hope we forget. Hope we forget.
Hope we forget.
Um, Hulk Hogan is excited.
He says America's getting a chance to reinvent itself, kind of like I have.
Quote him.
Bollywood.
Yeah, he says this is some exciting stuff.
Now, this...
Now, that's...
Whatever.
Whatever. So, he has a political leaning. He goes, obviously, whichever is some exciting stuff. Now, that's whatever. Whatever.
So he has a political leaning.
He goes, obviously, whichever way the wind blows.
Any which way but loose.
It would be amazing, though, if Mitt Romney used that in a speech saying,
it's time for America to reinvent itself like Hulk Hogan.
Yeah.
Yeah, it would be.
He'd get votes.
I am a real American.
Yeah.
Now, this is a weird thing.
Now, this may just be this report.
This comes from the website Politico.
Which I believe is a crafting website.
Yep.
It says in the article, it says, Hogan now owns a beef shop.
Now, that might be a typo, but that's news to me.
What would the typo be?
Well, he has that shop that he's opening up on the beach.
A beach shop.
Yeah.
Oh.
But I wonder if he's been owning a beef shop all this time.
Also known as a butcher shop.
But wait, what's the shop on the beach?
Like a Hulk Hogan memorabilia.
You know this for sure?
Oh, absolutely.
Or is it a beef shop?
No, you're right.
Now everything's thrown into question.
You don't want to sell beef on the beach, though.
Yeah, you do.
Fair enough.
Yeah.
Kebabs?
Give me one or three good reasons why you don't want to open up a beef shop on the beach.
Okay, you're going to get sand on it.
That's one good reason.
You asked for three.
That's a pretty good reason.
Yeah.
It's not a good...
Okay.
I'm going to struggle to get the next two.
Oh, no.
I got one.
Okay.
You're going to ruin your beach towels with barbecue sauce and such.
You guys are assuming you're going to take that beef and then go bathe with it on the
beach.
No, no.
You're taking that beef to go eat it.
Well, what do you think?
You're just getting some fresh cuts on your way off of the beach.
There's that option, for sure.
There's a luau option, but with beef.
Exactly.
Instead of pork in Florida.
The other red meat.
Humans being the first.
in Florida. The other red meat.
Humans being the first.
And you're going to do a visual gag for a girl you're trying to impress
by putting that beef on your
biceps and saying, look, I'm a beef cake.
Yeah, throwing that
beef on her birthday cake.
Saying, enjoy your beef cake.
And if you bring the beef into the water,
another bad reason, sharks.
Oh, absolutely.
Have you ever seen a way a shark
looks at a cow?
You're not wrong.
They just want them.
Yeah, if you wheel them up in a tank in a field.
So were those two separate news stories?
No, that was all one story
because Hulk was saying he's very interested
in the way that Mitt Romney's gonna...
I'm a small business owner.
Yeah, that's exactly it.
I own a beef shop.
It's a few months ago, and this was when Hulk Hogan replied to your tweet.
Yeah.
He wouldn't allow, or he didn't cotton to Newt Gingrich using the real American Hulk Hogan theme song.
Let's back up here.
What happened?
Oh, how many months ago was this?
It was in 2012.
It was during the primaries, so maybe January, February.
Newt Gingrich used I Am A Real American in one of his stump speeches.
And around the same time, Hulk Hogan was doing a thing where you could write Twitter him a question.
And this was like the week after Hulk Hogan was...
They released a sex tape that Hulk Hogan was in.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
And so Hulk Hogan said, ask me anything, and everyone just asked him about that.
But Graham was like...
Yeah, he said, how do you feel about uh dude gingrich using your song during
uh one of his uh speeches and he responded via a youtube clip saying this was gimmick infringement
and then he talked about how he was planning on running for president but all inspired by your
yeah yeah no yeah it was a big day but Were you feeling a bit weak in the knees?
Yeah. Are you kidding me?
I told you, if he was eating spaghetti, I'd pass right out.
Holy moly. That's amazing.
That's like Mel Bridgman
inviting you over to watch
him eat spaghetti.
Anyway,
I wonder if Hulk Hogan would
allow
Mitt Romney to...
Not that Hulk Hogan owns the music.
He didn't write the song.
No, that's true.
He's not Rick Derringer.
Anyway, this has been Hulk Hogan News.
People are dying.
Because this week's celebrity best names is one of those...
This is exciting.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
Because these are some top quality names celebrating their birthdays on September 11th.
Okay, there's a bunch of these.
So please tell me the occupation of the celebrity turning 25 years old today, Robert Aquafresca.
He runs a gelato stand.
Celebrity gelatist?
Yeah, he's...
That's a hairdresser.
He trained alongside Vidal Sassoon
And he's turning 25
Yes
He is an Italian soccer player
So Gelato was pretty close
Absolutely
So was Vidal Sassoon
Yeah, you're right
We were both in the right football park
Happy 26th birthday
To Chili Boy Ralli Pelli Oh, that's a soccer player Chili Boy Ralli Pelli.
Oh, that's a soccer player.
Chili Boy Ralli Pelli?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
That's a guy from the ATL who sings one of those songs that's like, Get it going, get it, get it, rip it down, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it Chili Boy. Yes.
Chili Boy Rally Pelly is a South African rugby play.
Chili Pelly Rally Boy.
Happy 37th birthday to Elephant Man.
Oh, he was the Elephant Man.
How old is he turning?
Is he dead?
37.
It's the same guy.
Same elephant.
John Mack.
Oh no, he's got a giant penis.
No, Elephant Man is a guy from the ATL who sings a song.
Elephant Man is a Jamaican dance hall musician.
Pretty good.
Also known as Energy God. Absolutely. Pretty good. Also known as Energy God.
Absolutely.
I used to drink that, Energy God.
Happy 34th birthday to Dijon Stankovich.
No.
No.
Really?
It's probably not pronounced Dijon.
It's spelled D-E-J-A-N.
No, it's probably Dijon.
Last name Stankovich.
Stankovich.
He's an entrepreneur, an impresario. Dijon Last name Stankovich He's an entrepreneur
An empresario
Dijon Stankovich
I am going to say invented
Porn tennis
In the Ukraine
He is a Serbian soccer player
Oh
You were closer
Happy birthday
31st birthday to Luscious Lopez
Oh, he's a DJ DJ for sure You were closer. Yep. Yep. Happy birthday. 31st birthday to Luscious Lopez.
Oh, that's a, he's a DJ.
DJ for sure. Yeah, DJ.
Like at like a, like a hot, one of New York's hottest clubs.
So he's a DJ?
Oh no, I'm thinking radio DJ, like hot 75.
Oh, but I think he's a DJ at one of New York's hottest clubs called Scoop.
Okay.
Scoop.
Scoop.
Let me tell you something about Luscious lopez she oh nuts
is a porno star yay so you were both right any tennis porn in her yep um happy 70th birthday to
lola falana lola oh she owns her own uh nope she owns her own rice company called Lola Falanas.
Lola Falana.
Falafels.
No, you're in the right ballpark.
She owns a fleet of snack trucks.
She turns 70 today.
She's an American entertainer, singer,
dancer.
I think like a Rat Pack
ingenue.
Oh, she would have had her own
line of rice, though.
They all did.
Happy birthday to
Jim Shoulder.
Oh, political cartoonist.
Are you kidding? He was the guy who is famous because John Madden lost it on him one time in a football game.
Hey, look at me.
You know what?
Jim Shoulder and the Bulls.
You're pretty close.
He's an Australian soccer manager.
And what is a soccer manager if not a football coach?
Yeah, absolutely.
And what is John Madden?
Chef of some sort. soccer manager, if not a football coach. Yeah, absolutely. And what is John Madden?
Chef of some sort.
And finally, this person is long deceased, but it would be the
241st birthday of
Mungo Park.
Mungo Park.
Oh, that's easy.
It's why we have things called parks.
Yeah.
It's named after Mungo Park. It's an adventure of the called parks. Yeah. Adventure of the Park. Named after Mungo Park.
I'm going to go with that.
It's Adventure of the Park.
Scottish explorer.
Who found an open area in a city.
He found a playground.
And reported back, there's a place for kids.
We will call it a Mungo.
This has been Celebrity Best Names.
Now it's time for the realsies, overheardsies.
Now, overheardsies, we like to start with the guest.
Pat, if you would be so kind as to lead the way.
Okay, very brief, very quickly.
This one happened to me, or I overheard this,
at a bagel shop here in Vancouver.
Solly's Bagels.
Oh, yeah.
You guys been there?
Yeah, absolutely.
Try the babka.
Why not?
I would say one of the more authentic of the Jewish delis in Vancouver.
Yep.
They're hard to come by.
It's your Solly's.
Your Siegel's.
Yeah.
That's it.
Benny's has the best bagels.
Not really Jewish, though. Then it should be, I should send these people here that I overhes. Yeah. That's it. Benny's has the best bagels. Not really Jewish, though.
Well, then it should be, I should send these people here that I overheard.
Okay.
So this was what seemed to be a couple that maybe was new to Vancouver, but definitely
had a sort of an urban sway to them that they had maybe lived previously in a place like
New York or Montreal.
Kind of had a bit of a...
Hotland.
A bit of a holier-than-thou kind of...
Sure.
Essence to them.
I know what you mean.
Vancouver is a city, but it's not a real city.
Yeah.
So they were sitting down to enjoy the food that they had just ordered, and the woman had taken a slurp of her matzo
ball soup and looked at him and said, not bad.
And then it was his turn, and he took a bite of his bagel and kind of was overcome with
this look of disgust on his face. And he said,
Just once, I'd like to find a bagel in Vancouver that would pleasure me.
Maybe the holes are too big. Yeah.
Yeah, stop blaming the bagels.
So that's what I heard.
Yeah, wow.
How withering.
Just once.
The matzo ball soup, they sell it frozen.
Or I think they sell the chicken soup, and you buy the matzo balls and you put it in.
Anyway.
What is a matzo ball?
Is it a cheese?
It's like a starch ball.
Yeah, it's starch.
It's just sort of a dough ball.
All right.
Unleavened.
But at Solly's Bagels, on the container, it says chicken soup.
Jewish penicillin.
Oh, wow.
I don't feel comfortable buying that.
Yeah, well, also, you should probably get it from a pharmacist.
Yeah.
A Jewish pharmacist.
Dave, do you have it over here?
I do.
This is one. I was on the bus the other day. Oh, do you have one over here? I do. This is one.
I was on the bus the other day.
Oh, I'm on the bus every day.
Look for me.
Say hello.
Don't say hello.
No, say hello.
Dave likes it.
Say hello.
Watch me eat a bowl of spaghetti.
Hot matzo ball soup on the bus.
And there was this sort of sketchy looking woman.
And there was this sort of sketchy looking woman.
Looked like she may have been...
Of the people who are addicted to drugs that are on the bus, she was on the, you know, up and up.
Outward scale.
Yeah.
The on the way out.
Like, oh, maybe, or just recently addicted.
Oh, like new to the sense of reality. Yeah, like she had pretty good skin.
Right.
But her mind wasn't there, and she had maybe done some things that were regrettable.
Sure.
Who hasn't, though?
Yeah.
And she...
It was weird, because she was sitting in a seat that was, I think, a better seat.
So weird. seat uh there was i think a better seat and then so weird and then she got out of that seat and sat
next to this guy and uh i was uh sitting right behind them and she sat next to this guy who was
reading uh lord of the rings oh fellowship of the ring yep and uh she looked she knew the book and
she looked over to the guy and the guy was like a nerdy guy in his 20s and she said
to him can you believe it a nerdy guy in his 20s yeah yeah yeah what um she said to him that's such
a big book and he was like yeah uh and she said uh when they made the movie did they do it word
for word and the guy said i guess and she said that's a lot of lines yeah yeah she made a real connection
there yeah um he what what what is his next move in that uh keep reading yeah keep reading don't
say anything what would the what would that the pickup line book you know what is that book called
oh the game yeah what would it say what would that book called? The Game? The Game, yeah.
Yeah, what would it say?
What would be the next?
Oh, yeah, you've already got her.
Yeah, absolutely.
She's on the line.
Yeah, you were peacocking by reading a book on the bus.
Then you did a card trick in front of her.
Yeah, and then you talked to her less attractive junkie friend to lure her into...
You sort of gave her a backhanded compliment.
Yeah, and then what do you say?
I'm getting off at the Jiffy Lube.
You want to come?
And then you buy her drugs.
Yeah.
Sold.
You find out her interests, and you participate.
Is the game the guy that's...
This is the ones that there's like three of them in the air...
No, that's a different one.
Have you seen those where it's like, I hope they serve beer and hell or something oh yeah it's got like a series of these
yeah that's right tucker max isn't it like uh being an asshole is great yeah yeah like party
party for life yeah i did it do it too roofie talk yeah um the game is about this guy. I haven't read it.
Have you?
Yeah, when I used to work at the book warehouse.
You don't need to make excuses.
No, I feel like I do, because it's not...
I would read it.
It's like a...
But it's a hand guide to how to pick up girls.
The weird thing is, is it isn't written like that.
It's written like a story.
It's a study of this guy.
Garbage is in there.
Mystery, isn't he?
Yeah, but he's narrating.
He hung out with these dudes that...
And it's Neil Strauss who wrote it,
who wrote the Dirt, the Motley Crue book.
Yeah.
Which, by the way, one of my favorite books of all time.
Unputdownable.
Yes.
Fact.
But he hung out with these guys,
and so it's a narrative
It's not like
You know chapter one
Breaking down the wall
Like you actually have to read these
And the characters are really
Yeah yeah
Terrible
Yeah they're hard to root for
And then as you read it
It's hard to root for you as a person
Really
For participating in reading it
Yeah yeah
You're like I don't feel like I'm any kind of underdog.
No, you're reading a book.
You're the best kind of person.
Don't you feel better than everyone?
Yeah, I guess.
But, you know, it's like, it's the book is...
I played Madden all weekend.
Yeah, and I was out practicing the game.
It's made like the Bible, like it looks like a Bible.
Like it has a gilded
It's got gold gilded
Pages
Check it out at your local bookstore
If you're only going to read one book for your life
Then it might as well be the game
Yeah
If you find out you have one year to live
I'm not reading any books
I don't have that kind of time
I can read maybe a book a month
I think I would read the whole phone book
Just go through every page
Look at every single name
Graham do you have an overheard?
I do! I was at a city park
Founded by
I think you guys may or may not know this
Joaquin Park or whatever
Mongo Park
No relation to Mongo Jerryo jerry no uh summertime in the
well though some relation they both enjoy a hot summer park right in the summertime when the
parks are so nice get a sprinkler out and spray yourself twice it's a mungo park in a mungo park in a mungo um sitting in the park uh i was sitting uh on a bench that was right
next to the monkey bars the mungo bars the mungo bars founded by monkey jerry yeah um and these
three little girls came up and one of them was way ganglier than the other two girls.
And the two girls jumped on the monkey bars right away, and the ganglier of the three stopped short and said to herself,
I'm a real failure at monkey bars.
Wow.
Yeah.
She was really self-aware about it, too.
How old was she?
She couldn't have been more than seven, let's say.
Oh, boy.
Gangly?
Yeah, all her friends were super tiny, so she was like an early sprout.
And you'd be worse at monkey bars if you were tall?
No, I think she'd be amazing at them.
Yeah.
Monkey bars are a difficult thing to navigate.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Not with that bad attitude.
But monkeys are gangly. Like, they've got long arms. She was the most ape-like of the three. Yeah. Absolutely. Not with that bad attitude. But monkeys are gangly.
Like, they've got long arms.
She was the most ape-like of the three.
Apes and monkeys aren't the same thing.
Oh, yeah.
No, but apes would be good at monkey bars.
Sure.
They mostly get angry at them.
Yeah.
Well, she didn't look like a monkey, though.
She did look like a chimp.
Okay.
Like, she had longer arms then, and she had a hairy face.
Maybe she was a chimp.
Did she have a tail?
No, she didn't have a tail.
Okay.
But she did...
Speak English.
Yeah, she did speak English.
Like human language.
But you know what?
She was wearing clothes that it looked like you would put on a chimp to disguise it as a human.
Was it a hat?
Like a party hat on top?
Yeah, a party hat.
And was wearing a tie and a vest.
Did she fox the fox? Rat on the rat? You can ape the ape.
I know about that. I don't know what this is!
There is one thing you must
be sure of. I can't
take anymore. Monkey.
Don't you monkey
with the monkey. I still don't know what you're doing.
I still don't know what you're doing. I still don't know what you're doing either.
What is that?
Monkey, too much at stake.
A monkey, ground beneath me shake.
What?
But what is it?
Monkey, and the news is breaking.
Shock the.
Shock the monkey.
Oh, shock the monkey.
Oh, goodness.
I thought it was a musical or something.
It's theatric.
Yeah, absolutely.
Oh, boy.
That was a real journey.
I know.
I didn't know if we'd get there.
Shock the monkey to life.
Now, we also have overheards Sent from monkeys all over the country
This country and elsewhere
If you want to send one in
You can send it in to stoppodcastyourself
At gmail.com
This first one comes from Marissa P
More than anything I like the setup
To this overheard
Okay don't bother with the punchline then
Okay
I was asked to help a goth band film a
music video i'm sold yeah yeah after filming was complete me the band and a random friend of theirs
were all sitting outside in the darkness eating pears the setup keeps getting better and better
sitting in a graveyard eating pears eating carrot sticks uh To set up a visual, one band member was wearing a top hat,
was topless other than a shirt of black paint,
and had fake blood dribbling out of his mouth.
The other band member had red eyes and fake blood in his hair,
and the random friend was sitting in the corner looking shady, not talking to anyone.
While discussing their upcoming album, Bloody Hair Guy,
we'll have a secret track called Victorian Virgin Dads and Their Secret Elegance.
Me replied in a joking, exaggerated tone,
What? There's nothing secret about their elegance.
Bloody Hair Guy, no, you're wrong.
No one knows about their elegance because they are virgins.
They haven't yet had an opportunity to share it with the world.
Random friend.
Virgin dads can exist, you know.
You can be a dad and a virgin.
Sure.
Me.
I don't know what anyone is talking about anymore.
So, there you go.
Marisa's, um...
Man, oh man, what a night.
So there you go.
Marisa's, man, oh man, what a night.
Well, in the story of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, we know that Mary was a virgin.
Yeah.
Was Joseph?
Yep.
And that's one of the things.
He was so excited.
He was so elegant.
Yeah.
Well, this was his prom. This was totally going to be his night.
He was so elegant.
Yeah, well, this was his prom.
This was totally going to be his night.
He and a bunch of other disciples had made a deal that they were all going to lose their virginity by Christmas Eve.
Yeah.
And his father walked in on him having sex with a baklava.
It's Greek, but, you know, find me a pastry.
I like that Goths are being really Goth.
Like, if you're going to be Goth, go 100%.
You like that they're still being Goth, or just that those Goths in particular are really Goth?
Well, I'm glad he didn't back down.
Yeah.
Yeah, like, yeah, they can be.
You know what?
I believe in this Goth stuff.
If you don't stand for something yeah but what does it what does it truly mean to be goth anymore i mean or has it come back
onto itself i think i think it's probably more goth like you've got to be more yeah
like it's being goth the new being like a punk you're sticking to it i think so like yeah yeah because i think it was easier
to be goth back when everything was terrible yeah i think now like there's the steampunk guys maybe
are making the guts feel uncomfortable yeah right those are our frilly yeah frilly costumes are our
domain yeah we're wearing black stop wearing copper um this next one comes from Anna M.
And this is just really short.
A girl on a cell phone.
Greta is so fake, and she looks like soup.
That's all she heard.
It's true, though.
Yeah, right?
That sounds like the first part of a burn, where it's like, you look like soup.
All onions and no carrots.
Yeah, like what are the qualities of soup that could be applied?
You look like soup, you know?
Good for you.
Your face looks like soup.
Kind of good for you.
Comforting on a warm winter's night.
What if it was the soup like the skin that forms on the top of a soup?
You know, like when you leave a soup out?
Like cream of mushroom soup. Yeah, or like a tomato soup gets like the skin that forms on the top of a soup. You know, like when you leave a soup out. Like cream of mushroom soup.
Yeah, or like a tomato soup gets
the skin. Then it's like, ugh,
she's got soup skin. You look like
soup. All broth, no
alphabet.
Yeah, because you're not educated.
Guys,
I'm looking for the last one.
You look like soup.
That's it. That's it.
That's it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You got it.
You'd be good with crackers.
Because you sleep with white guys.
Yeah.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
This one comes from...
I'm actually going to say his last name because I like it so much.
It's from Jay Duckworth.
Pretty great.
My wife was strolling along the street I'm actually going to say his last name because I like it so much. It's from Jay Duckworth. Pretty great.
My wife was strolling along the street when she was stopped by a man who, after smacking his lips and letting out a mm-mm-mm,
introduced himself as Coffee because he grinds so fine.
See, that is exactly what Soup should have been. Yeah.
That's pretty good, right?
Hey, I'm Soup. should have been yeah yeah that's pretty good right yeah i'm hey i'm soup oh she looks like coffee because she grinds so fine yeah she looks like a compliment though yeah i know because she
can stir it up because she's overpriced yeah slurp it i could so she could spoon looks like a spoon
she looks like soup because i could you're really you're really trying to wrap your head around the soup
She comes in a tetrapack
Yeah
Alternative to salad
She looks like soup
I like those cans
Cause she's like a chowder
Cause she comes in cans
That's pretty good
Not really
In addition to these Over overheards that are written in, we also accept overheards that are telephoned in.
If you want to call us, the number is 206-339-8328.
Hey, Dave and Graham and guests.
I have an overheard.
This is Dan from Dallas.
I was coming out of a concert not too long ago
when two people on the narrow walkway out of the venue
started almost to get into fisticuffs.
There were two big burly men,
and one of them was, several other men were trying to keep one
from getting into fisticuffs, and they said,
John, don't do anything. And John
said, drunkenly,
Joe, I was born to do something.
Yeah, exactly.
Do something or you'll fall for everything.
Yeah.
Wow.
Have you ever
gotten into a fight? Never.
Well, never. Well, never.
No, never.
Never say never.
Never say never.
Now that the cyst is out, I want to live.
Yeah, that's true.
I want to live.
Right.
Well, before you were probably worried, like, someone would just grab onto your cyst the
whole time.
But now, you know, I'm born to do something.
Yeah.
You were born to do something.
Everyone's born to do something.
Absolutely.
Never, no.
I've been punched in the face before.
Yeah.
It's the worst.
Well, no, getting punched in the balls is the worst.
If I had to pick, if somebody said face or balls, I would say face all the way.
It'd be five times in the face to every one ball punch.
I've, yeah, I know I'm begging for it by saying this. I haven't been punched in the face to every one ball punch um i've yeah i i i know i'm begging for it by saying this i haven't
been punched in the face well i hope you never do no well no i mean i do i hope you do on like
you know an anniversary or something like that like a special occasion i mean i've been hit in
the face with like like by accident like dude catch. Yeah. A lot of that. So I know what it's like.
Yeah.
Somebody thought you were ex-president George Bush.
It's both blinding and the brightest thing you'll ever see.
It's like so dark and so bright.
Yeah.
Okay, fine.
Unbelievably loud and something.
Incredibly, et cetera.
Ouchy.
Next call.
Yep.
Hey, guys. Jared in Sacramento Next call. Yep. Hey guys,
Jared in Sacramento with an overseen
on Target. Just saw a guy
in a brand new
ZZ Top shirt
in 2012.
That's all.
How does he know it's brand new?
Did it say ZZ Top 2012 on it?
Class of 2012?
ZZ Top school? There's a quality to a ZZ Top t-shirt. A ZZ Top 2012 on it? I mean... Class of 2012? ZZ Top School?
There's a quality to a ZZ Top t-shirt.
A ZZ Top t-shirt.
Yeah.
That dinginess, I think.
That's true. That sets in pretty quick.
I have a ZZ Top t-shirt from their last...
No, not their last tour.
From their Recycler Tour, which I believe was in 1992.
That could not be their last tour. This guy's got a newer shirt 20 years later. That was the name of their tour? Recycler Tour, which I believe was in 1992. That could not be their last tour.
This guy's got a newer shirt 20 years later.
And that was the name of their tour? Recycler?
Yeah, the Recycler Tour.
Is that what they were promoting?
They were promoting recycling.
Like recycling?
Did that album have that song,
Pincushion? That was after.
Oh, that was after.
Because that was on...
I can't remember the name of it.
Yeah.
After that one?
That was way after that one.
That's about the body of work
of ZZ Top that I'm familiar with.
What about Shark Dress Man?
Oh, yeah.
And Legs.
Oh, yeah.
Well, now you start
legs
recycler
do your recycling
produce reuse
yeah it was a trilogy of albums
reducer reuser
so is there new to her compost
yeah absolutely
the compost doer
yeah it's the first stage that's been all the heat and lights Absolutely. The compost doer. Ka-com-pow-pow-pow.
Yeah, it's the first stage that's been all the heat and lights have been generated by compost.
That guy's brand new ZZ Top shirt was made out of some kind of... Reusable material.
Yeah, like old pop bottles.
Old pop bottles.
Or water bottles, yeah.
They make shoes and tennis courts out of that.
Absolutely.
Those are the only two things.
Yeah. Two things we shoes and tennis courts out of that? Absolutely. Those are the only two things. Yeah.
Two things we're always running out of.
Shoes and tennis courts.
We need more tennis courts.
Drink more water bottles.
Yeah.
Finally.
Hey, Dave and Graham.
This is Tara from Edmonton, and I have an overheard.
I saw a girl on the weekend who had the Mockingjay symbol from The Hunger Games
tattooed on her arm, and I overheard
her say, The Hunger Games will
still be cool in 2065.
I thought it was pretty funny because she was
so certain and so precise in the date.
Yeah,
she's wrong on both counts.
That's the unfortunate thing.
2065? Nothing
has been cool that long.
Yeah.
Except CC Top.
Rock and roll barely made it 50 years.
Yeah, exactly.
Is rock and roll even still cool?
I think it's still got some...
It's got more juice in it than The Hunger Games.
The Hunger Games petered out after that first film, though.
Isn't it kind of...
Guys, the Bible.
Oh, right.
Oh, yeah.
True.
I find that The Hunger Games is like my new Bible.
Kind of like the Bible.
Yeah.
There's, you know...
For me, it's the game.
I don't know anything about The Hunger Games franchise.
Cat must be cat, something.
Books or movies.
This is my impression, not knowing a thing about The Hunger Games.
You do a lot of good impressions.
This is what I think it is.
You ready for this?
Yeah.
Let the race begin.
One of you will get eaten.
Yeah.
I just think that's what it is.
Do you think people eat each other?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Or something eats them.
Let the Hunter Games begin.
The Hunter Games.
Oops, I meant hunger.
I meant hunger.
I've been up all night.
But just someone, does someone
say that in the book or movie?
Let the race begin. Yeah, they use a big
pop-o-matic bubble. Right. What is the
thing that they say in it?
May the odds be ever in your favor.
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. That's the big takeaway.
I'm wearing a wig of
weirdness. Yeah, yeah.
Welcome to the... Who's at the place the host
Not John Turturro
Oh Stanley Tucci
But could you swap out sort of scenes
From Mad Max
If they were
Mad Max babies maybe
They'll make your dreams come true
I'm obsessed with the idea of a Muppet baby
Version of everything
Book, movie, TV show
Just like
I want to see what the babies were like
The game
Babies
Still works
Show off your rattle
Show her an Uno card
Show interest in her blocks
Have you seen the hunger
game i saw the movie yeah abby's read just the first book i i will not read the books
as i mentioned very slow reader there's a lot i have to pick and choose what i'm gonna read
there's a lot of wigs in that movie and and not all of them intentionally silly, but I feel
like Woody Harrelson's wig in it was pretty.
Anytime I see him with hair, it makes me laugh.
He didn't even wear a ridiculous wig.
He was just ridiculous because he was Woody Harrelson with a wig.
Yeah, I feel like...
Because it's not like...
They're not making Statham or...
Whenever Bruce Willis wears a wig, I can't.
Yeah.
That's the end of the movie.
The movie's over before it begins, as soon as I see a wig.
Right?
Yeah.
Or a fake mustache.
It's like, you couldn't have just grown the mustache?
Where do you see a fake mustache?
Oh, I don't know.
In this movie about this guy who let kids watch him eat spaghetti.
The Mel Bridgman story?
Yeah.
The Hunger Games?
The Mel Bridgman story. The Hunger Games. The Mel Bridgman story yeah the hunger games mel bridgman story the pre-game hunger games
oh yeah what do you eat before a hunger game oh yeah i don't know but let it begin
uh you're not that far off yeah yeah you're in the yeah you could have written it now uh
pat kelly yeah we we promoted your upcoming appearances with This Is That at the top of the show.
Okay.
Where can people...
Oh, and also, new season of This Is That.
That's it.
Coming at you.
When is this on?
When are we talking right now?
This will come out around September 11th.
September 11th.
Okay, so...
We told you to never forget.
Lest we never forget.
you to never forget.
Lest we never forget.
We just started, so we would have
just started our brand new season
three days ago.
Okay. Congratulations. On Saturday
the 8th. Saturday the 8th, and now
we're just starting new
episodes
on the radio here in Canada
every Saturday at 11
in the morning. Can people outside of Canada find it?
Yes, they can.
Podcast.
Tell us about it.
You know, iTunes, This Is That podcast.
Or go to the website cbc.ca slash thisisthat.
And you've been on the show a couple times, but if people are new to us, Describe what This Is That is. This Is That is basically, in a nutshell, it's satirical news.
But it's a parody of basically public radio in Canada.
But it also, you know, if you live in the U.S., it can be comparable to doing sort of a parody of NPR or BBC or something.
Yeah, it's really funny.
And it's me and another guy doing all of the characters and voices.
And it is really funny and worth checking out.
And you can go.
You can get it on cbc.ca.
And if not, iTunes.
Get the podcast.
And come to those shows, too.
I mean, why wouldn't you?
Why wouldn't you?
So that's the Oleo Festival and the YY Comedy Festival.
No.
The 20th for the Oleo and the...
26th for the YY.
We're doing it.
Yeah.
Home, home, home, home.
Dave?
Yeah.
Anything?
I think just the shows we announced earlier that we had been plugging for a while
the Oleo and Calgary
shows and
yeah that's about it
that's going to be some top drawer stuff
and you know what
head on over to MaximumFun.org
check out some of the
brother and sister programs that
are in the Maximum Fun Network
you're throwing shades.
You're my brother, my brother, I mean.
Jordan, Jesse, go. Bullseye.
Coil and Sharp.
International Waters.
All great stuff.
And go to the
blog recap page at
MaximumFun.org. Dave will
put up pictures and videos that related
to this here episode. Surely
John Madden's going to be on there somewhere.
Mel Bridgman.
Yes, absolutely.
I did this motion as though it was a twirly at the end.
He was just a mini
Lanny McDonald. Absolutely.
Maybe a
ZZ Top
song.
Lagrange. Yeah Yeah Lagrange Yeah
Lagrange
Absolutely
And join us
Next week
For another
Thrilling edition
Of Stop Podcasting
Yourself Thank you.