Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 241 - Sarah Szloboda
Episode Date: October 30, 2012Actor/writer/producer Sarah Szloboda joins us to talk theatre superstitions, public bathing, and scouting. And we count down the top ten Macaulay Culkin movies....
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Hello everybody, and welcome to episode number 241 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark, and with me as always is a guy who's, I don't know his feelings about this fall rainy weather, but I'm guessing that he doesn't hate it, Mr. Dave Shumka.
I don't hate it, it's a bit much.
Yeah, right?
It's a lot to take in.
It's quite moist.
It was so unmoist for the longest time, and then boy did it get moist.
It was like Arizona the state, and now it's like Arizona the drink.
Yeah, it's like raining iced tea.
The cheapest of all half liter iced teas.
Yeah, oh boy.
And our guest today, very funny lady, improviser, writer, stage director, member of multiple troops.
And she's got one last...
Troop Beverly Hills.
Absolutely.
She's part of Troop Beverly Hills.
She has a last name that she only shares with her great-grandmother.
And that's it.
It's Sarah Sloboda.
I said it wrong.
Sloboda. Sloboda. Yep. Thank wrong over and over. Sloboda.
Sloboda.
Yep.
Thank you for being our guest.
Thanks for having me.
I was winding that one up for minutes.
Is it because you couldn't remember the last name?
No, it's because it's funny.
It's funny to fret over it and then get it wrong.
Just a dud.
Yeah.
Pretty good, right guys?
Great work.
Very good.
Thanks for joining us.
Thank you for having me.
Yeah.
Well, let's get to know us.
Get to know us.
Now, you have a last name that is made up.
It's just a made up last name.
Yeah.
That your grandfather made up?
My great-grandfather made up.
I mean, I don't know why we saved this sad story, but during the Holocaust...
Oh, great.
Wait, wait, no, no, it was a sad story beforehand.
Beck, during the Holocaust...
Oh, nuts!
This better be the nuclear Holocaust.
When he escaped Hungary, he changed his name to Freedom, which means, which is Sloboda in Hungarian.
Oh, that's okay.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
That would only work if it wasn't in English.
Like, if you were like Gary Freedom.
Well, yeah, you'd probably run some sort of rock.
The lead singer of C&C Music Factory was named Freedom.
Freedom, like, first name?
Freedom Sloboda.
Yeah, Freedom was his first name.
Oh, wow.
Williams, I want to say.
Yeah, it seems...
Just another word
for nothing left to lose.
Mm-hmm.
I've been winding
that one up myself.
Yeah, well,
well done.
Thanks.
So what's happening?
Tell us about you.
Mm-hmm.
What's shaking?
I'm in rehearsals right now
for an 18th century play
called She Stoops to Conquer.
So is this
a real flowery
language? Is it Shakespeare? No, it's Oliver
Goldsmith.
Shakespeare lived for like 500 years, like
Noah, right? Yeah, he's like Methuselah.
He's still an East fan.
He's still hanging out in a
coffee shop, working
on his play. Just brooding.
With his dumb bald haircut.
Wither
Wi-Fi.
So this is an 18th century
play. What type of, like,
what is the language like
in an 18th century play? It's like
Shakespeare mixed with a bit
more modern. And because it's an Irish
guy, the English is a little bit
Trainspotting. That's Scottish.
Sort of. it's like
train spotting train sporting yeah yeah it's like the transporter it's like the transporter
i would see that play i would see that oh my god if there was a like a transporter live a trilogy
of transporters yeah the play oh man it's. That would be actually if there was a transporter
and it was a ballet
because a lot of the stuff in it
very fluid movements.
Yeah, they don't do
like not enough
They don't do enough
action-based ballet.
Well, that's true.
They don't do enough
because like Capoeira
is dance fighting.
Why don't they have
fight dancing?
Oh, that's true.
I don't know.
Good point, Dave.
Good point, Dave.
Absolutely good point.
So you are
stage manager or you are in this play?
I'm assistant directing.
Tell us all about that.
And what are the ballerinas like?
The ballerinas are complete dicks.
Really? I learned that from Black Swan.
Yeah, yeah.
It's pretty fun.
It's like the director directs the thing,
and then as an apprentice or assistant director,
you're kind of helping find things
that maybe they haven't found
or blocking things that they don't have time for
or
ordering them free glasses off
Clearly Contacts. Oh, really?
That doesn't sound... Wait a minute.
They're not going to be happy with what
they get. No. I think they
will. I don't like those.
From what I've seen,
the glasses on that website,
you get what you pay for.
Now, for everybody that doesn't know what this is,
these are not tumblers that you're ordering.
These are not collector's glasses.
These are glasses, what you put on your face.
Yeah, eyeglasses, lunettes.
Now, how authentic can this play be
if the directors wear glasses?
Do they have those in the 1800s?
Well, the directors are in the play.
No, I know, but you want an authentic feel throughout, right?
Yeah, we just rehearsed by candlelight.
It's crazy.
You're eating nothing but root vegetables.
Yes.
Because that's all that's in season.
Yeah.
I can't make eye contact with anybody.
That's right.
You have no vote.
Yeah.
Is it fun to be an assistant director?
It's really fun.
I mean, it's like I'm working for like the biggest stage here.
So it's just an opportunity to get going on a big stage.
How is it working with theater folk?
What's that like?
It's really fun.
Everybody's great.
We're trying to get you to slip up and call them all, you know, jerks.
A real bunch of Nathan Lanes.
Yeah.
Whatever that means.
You know.
I think theater folk are a lot of fun.
They're like carnival folk.
Yeah, I guess so.
It seems like whenever I think of theater folk, I really do think of them in the 18th century.
Sleeping outside underneath some sort of caravan.
But that's the modern actor.
Yeah.
Only does that part.
I remember any high school TV show, whenever someone would be in a play, they would have to wear tights.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Always?
Well, that's just what theater is to a TV screenwriter.
The lead is worried about having to wear tights.
Yeah. And there's always
that's a
very easy kind of conceit
on television. A guy and a
girl like each other and they have to be
in the play together and are they going to kiss
or whatever. Has that ever happened to you in real life?
And was Cisco in the play?
Oh, for sure. I think my first
high school play was I was for sure. I think my first high school play was, I was miscast.
I found out halfway through.
For someone else?
Yeah, I was supposed to play a juror and I got a love interest part.
But I only had two lines at the end of the play.
It's an Agatha Christie play.
Spoiler alert, he did do it.
And she comes in, basically her only part was to be like revealing that he did
it and then give him a kiss but i was in grade eight and it was like the most petrifying thing
right yeah well who who did you have to kiss this grade 12 guy his name was chase oh that's a hunky
name yeah it's really yeah or the name of a bank enough said
and so it was like a courtroom thing and he was in tights yeah yeah so uh you were doing a modern
version of agatha christie so there's a lot of rapping right and jason statham was there too
so you uh how like during rehearsals was was it like the teacher was like, let's practice the kiss
and you were like,
did you freak out?
Every time it got to that in the run,
it's just like, maybe we'll just
stop there.
We'll wait for the magic to happen on stage.
So you just let it happen just on stage?
No practice smooch?
No, no practice smooch.
And how did it go?
I think it was phenomenal for him. For him? No, no practice smooch. Wow. And how did it go? I think it was like
phenomenal for him. For him?
No. God, no.
I literally can't remember it.
Really? I think it was traumatizing. Was it on the lips?
I haven't kissed anybody since.
Um, yeah.
Come here.
Smooch.
That's the sound you're supposed to make
that was really good
we didn't practice the kiss the whole time
and then the night of the performance
mwah mwah mwah
yummy kisses
that's how I assume kisses are now
oh man
I never kissed anybody
in a play that's for sure
I never got in a play I think I never kissed anybody in a play. That's for sure.
I never got in a play.
I think I got one role in one play, and that was it.
And it was not hot and heavy.
I played Raider O'Reilly.
Wow.
In the MASH play?
In the MASH play, yeah.
It was just an episode of MASH that the teacher liked a lot.
Yeah.
The only play we did was our teacher ordered a transcript of Donna Hugh.
And we acted it out.
I was a sex worker.
Whoa.
Yeah.
A lot of kissing scenes.
Yeah.
What was the first play you were ever in?
Was it the Agatha Christie?
Oh, no. I was in this show at Burnaby Heritage Museum
called Vaudeville Varieties.
Okay. And you played?
Just like a variety
vaudevillian.
How old were you? 11.
Oh, wow. So did you come out
and tell jokes?
Did you have headshots?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure. You had 11-year you have headshots? Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
You had 11-year-old headshots?
Yeah, they're somewhere, probably.
Yeah, I've seen a bunch of pretty good 11-, 12-year-old ones.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah.
Were you wearing some kind of fancy outfit in your 11-year-old headshot?
Yeah.
I just remember my hair being, like, a real disaster.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Like, what was popular at the time?
Was it the Rachel?
Did you have the Rachel?
Doing like frosting tips, but like...
Frosting tips?
No, frosting glow.
That's what it was.
It was like you put a cap on your head,
and then you had little hooks that would pull your hair through.
Oh.
Do you take the cap off?
Yeah, eventually.
Is it like, how much of your head does it cover?
Does it look like one of those
Play-Doh hairdo things?
It really does.
Oh, wow. And do you leave it on
for how long? I think 45 minutes.
I still do it. What, really?
No. Frosty caps?
Frost and glow.
Frosty tips.
Sounds like a cereal.
Oh, man.
I don't
know anything about
hair care.
Come on. No, I don't.
With those luscious locks? Yeah.
No, this is all just shampoo.
Wash your hands and repeat.
Did you ever dye your hair or anything?
Why would I?
Right.
Right?
You don't get Fabio-colored hair and then dye it.
It's a wet color.
More golden.
Flax and wax.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
So you were one of the famous Burnaby vaudeville players.
You may recognize my voice from...
Oh, really?
Did you do lots of voice work?
No, I'm just figuring somebody out there listening to this vaudeville variety.
Was there a long cane to pull people off stage?
No, there wasn't.
Okay.
Sorry.
I don't know a lot about vaudeville other than that.
Yeah, the plate spinning.
There was that kind of stuff.
There was dog tricks.
A guy ran into a wall.
As an act? Yeah. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah. There was that kind of stuff. I ran into a wall.
As an act?
Yeah.
That's pretty good.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
What was your act?
We sang this song called I Don't Want to Play in Your Yard.
And it was like two girls talking about not wanting to play in each other's yard.
Oh, yeah.
Very good.
It was the original My Milkshake Brings the Boys to the Yard.
Yes.
I Don't Want to Play in Your Yard. Was, yes. I don't want to play in your yard. Loosely based.
Was it like anything you can do I can do better type of?
Yeah, it was just like that.
Did they secretly want to play in each other's yard?
Totally.
I think if I remember by the end, they do.
Do you think Vaudeville is the worst?
Yes.
I'm glad I finally get to talk about it.
Okay, good.
Like, I figured out how that song was going to end just on the title.
Yeah.
I think they hadn't invented the reveal yet.
Or they just had the poorest ones.
There was nothing else to do back then.
There was the occasional public hanging.
You could starve to death.
Yeah, absolutely.
You could starve to death.
You could murder a foe.
You could commit to death. Yeah, absolutely. You could starve to death. You could murder a foe.
You could commit insurance fraud.
No one would ever figure it out.
You could purchase Louisiana.
That was still a viable option.
You could vote, unless you were a woman or a black person.
Or a horse. No, I think a horse has had the vote.
A horse has had the vote.
Yeah.
Two stamps for this guy, right?
With the horse paw.
Now, so what else is good?
That's amazing.
You're working on a play.
That's great.
That's pretty cool.
That's pretty cool.
Do you guys, like, do you have an opening night?
Is there a ritual?
Do you subscribe to that?
The superstitions?
Well, I don't know if there's a ritual for opening night.
There's usually the reception or whatever.
Is that what you're talking about?
I don't know.
Like what happens?
Yeah, like isn't there...
Do people give each other gifts?
Yeah, yeah, there's cards.
Not really gifts yet.
Do people say, mared?
No mared.
You're not allowed to whistle in theaters.
Really?
Did you know that?
Is it like the same as saying the Scottish play instead of Macbeth?
Yeah, except like not like because that one's around like somebody got killed or something.
I think it's just witches.
Whistling is a murder?
No, no.
Macbeth is just general bad luck.
You can't say that in here.
We're not in a theater.
Oh, yeah.
We're in the suit room.
Even if we were in a theater.
You can't say the man's warehouse.
If we were in a theater, I'd be like, Macbeth, what are you going to do?
You're going to fight me, Mr. Tights?
Then you'd get murdered.
Yeah, would anyone hit me if I said Macbeth?
If I just kept saying Macbeth while people were trying to do a play?
During the show?
You should try it.
Yes, except if the play was Macbeth.
In which case, case they love it
the whistling thing i think is because the flies back in the day people from whistling would lower
the the flies the flies aren't insects they know sorry they're the things that are like pulled up
on the pulleys sandbags sometimes or like the sets like you know the like things that fly in uh well i mean yeah i know i
get i know sets yeah i know sandbags are good to drop on an enemy's head yes but i wouldn't say
they fly in on account of their being lowered by police yeah but the whistling did people in
vaudeville times think they were flying yes so they'd be like or something like that like
get it up and then or they drop it down and then you get hit by something and then you die oh so
if you whistle the wrong thing you get you get a sandbag to the lung so a sand lung that was one
of the hazards of being in the yeah that was a bad's a bad guy from Spider-Man. Yeah, he just coughs a lot.
Like, I got the sandblast.
Yeah, that's actually something you could get.
Something you could die of in the vaudeville times.
So, no whistling, no Macbeth.
What else?
You must know all of these.
I keep hearing about them.
There's like a couple people that have been in the theater for a little longer than me, and they all have all the superstition.
Really?
Yeah.
They're like bingo players that way.
Don't mess with their motive.
Yeah, it's not aggressive.
They'll just be like, come on.
Come on.
Come on.
You know the rules.
Stop being a jerk.
Why are you going to put us all at risk?
You know?
Us all?
Yeah, just for your dumb enjoyment.
Yeah, which is worse than like somebody getting mad
about a superstition because then you're like oh you're crazy oh the sad disappointment right that
makes me feel bad oh these actors sound like a tough bunch yeah although in uh in prison i know
that if you uh whistle you'll get stabbed yeah yeah and if you say macbeth you'll get stabbed
if you do it no matter what you do in prison you'll get stabbed unless Yeah. And if you say Macbeth, you'll get stabbed.
No matter what you do in prison, you'll get stabbed.
Unless you're doing the stabbing.
That's the old rule. That's the old theater rule. It's a real pecking order. Or stabbing
order. Or if you say Bloody Mary.
Have you ever done that?
Yeah. Did you do it all three times?
Yeah. What? Yeah, that's when
a girl at high school was mad. Which one's that?
That's the one where, in the dark, right?
You turn off the lights, and I think you're supposed to turn on the hot water in the sink.
And you look in the mirror.
And you look in the mirror, and you say, let me marry you.
This episode will come out right before Halloween.
Oh, I hope that we're not spooking anybody.
This will come out before Halloween?
Yeah, right before Halloween.
Awesome.
Yeah, you still have, that means you still have a couple days left to work on your slutty Graham Clark costume. That's a really good idea. Yeah, right before Halloween. Awesome. That means you still have a couple days left to work on your slutty Graham Clark costume.
That's a really good idea.
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm going to give away prizes for the best one.
Okay, so let's go back to Bloody Mary, but now that we're in a hallow mood.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you run water.
You say Bloody Mary.
You got the lights off.
You got to stare into the mirror.
Say Bloody Mary three times.
And then Bloody Mary. You got the lights off. You got to stare into the mirror. Say Bloody Mary three times. And then Bloody Mary washes her hands.
Oh, God.
I didn't know about that first.
I don't know.
I don't know what to do.
Bloody Mary has OCD.
She doesn't just look at you and say, like, and she just wink at you, like, hey.
How did I get so bloody?
Yeah.
No, she comes and kills you.
Oh, what?
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know.
I thought she just, like, looked at you in the mirror.
No, we could just do it right now. It'd be, like, the fun thing. It'd be, like, let's go, like, what? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know. I thought she just looked at you in the mirror. No, we could just do it right now.
It'd be the fun thing. It'd be like, let's go summon Bloody Mary. She's gonna wink
and wash her hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's all I thought it was. I just thought she disappeared.
Yeah, and the cops will never find her.
No, sorry, my hands are clean.
But you did it? Yeah.
I mean, here I am. Yeah.
But she's supposed to come
behind you in the mirror and like slit your throat.
Is that what the
Candyman does as well?
Yeah that's where
Candyman got that.
And Beetlejuice?
But Beetlejuice is nice.
No he was bad.
He wasn't
he wasn't bloody
married bad.
But he doesn't kill you
if you say his name
three times.
Well whatever doesn't
kill you makes you strong.
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
et cetera.
That's when like
Day-O plays.
Yeah yeah yeah
you dance around
in the yeah in the attic. Sounds plays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You dance around in the
attic. Sounds great. Yeah, and then Daylight
comes.
Now,
okay, so you've done Bloody Mary. You're not
afraid of that. Yeah. Check.
How long do you think you would last in a women's
prison? Do you think you'd whistle a lot?
Are the same rules apply in women's
prison? What do we know about women's prison?
I watched that show, like the new Scared Straight one.
You know that new one on TLC?
Yeah.
That one's mostly women's prison.
Yeah, I feel like they don't do a very good job of scaring anybody straight.
No.
Right?
Especially with all the lesbianism happening in prison.
Oh, sure.
But I think when you walk in i think uh you know you kind
of scope it out and you're like this isn't as bad no as i thought yeah three three hots and a cot
exactly yeah lots of uh lots of time to work on the the peck deck out in the yard yeah um
so you're not you're not afraid of anything which is amazing i'm afraid of a lot of things okay
let's go.
Like the dark.
Oh, wow.
I can't believe you did Bloody Mary.
Yeah, it was scary to come find this door.
Yeah, oh, sure.
It's dark outside.
It's really dark outside. Absolutely.
You have poor vision.
Yeah.
The scariest stigmatism.
Afraid of the dark, not afraid of no prison.
No.
Next fear, go.
That's a tag. afraid of the dark not afraid of no prison next fear go that's tag you're afraid of tag
why
that feeling when somebody's about to get you
like you just gotta stop
you gotta stop and let them get you
oh that is defeatist
I always think that in a zombie apocalypse
happy Halloween
I'd just be like
suicide pill like right away now here's here's what i think you take a suicide pill that's not
gonna get you off the hook you just get a zombie you just get a zombie back really yeah you gotta
cut your own hair yeah yeah even then you might you that might not kill you we're basing this all
on some dumb movies that we see.
We don't know what the real rules are going to be.
What if scientists isolated as a zombie?
How will zombies be?
Yeah.
They're going to be a lot more playful than we portray them.
Oh, yeah.
It's because we don't understand them.
It's like how we portray other cultures.
We don't
have the full story. Do you think
zombies will mate for life?
Do you think they'll partner up?
Or do you think they'll just be, like...
Zombie penguins will, for sure.
As long as they're paying taxes.
It's like, right? Whatever happens
behind zombie closed doors.
Do you think zombie marriage
should be allowed? They should have visitation rights? I mean, as long as they literally don't make me a zombie closed doors. Do you think zombie marriage should be allowed?
They should have visitation rights?
I mean, as long as they literally don't make me a zombie, too.
Oh, no, that's definitely not happening.
What's next?
A zombie's going to want to marry a horse.
Right.
And not a zombie horse,
which we'd be fine with.
Yeah.
The horse could vote, right?
Two stumps?
Is that what you said?
You know what's weird?
The horse has lost the vote
around the same time the women
got the vote. Yeah, it's a conspiracy.
Is that a real thing? No.
Why didn't you keep it going? Oh, I don't know.
Because I just felt really
bad all of a sudden. I would have gone home
and spread that. Oh, nuts!
How much fear of tag do you
have? Like, how often do you play tag
that you're like, that's true, that you've developed a fear.
Or do you still have, like, I often do you play tag that you're like, that's true, that you've developed a fear. Or do you still have like,
like I still have dreams
of homework not being done
and it's a panic
and it's a great relief
when I wake up.
I went to that improv fest
in Edmonton,
Improvaganza.
Oh,
we just call it Ganza.
Yeah.
Oh,
oh,
oh.
And one of the main
social activities
was kind of the best thing ever
but also the most
terrifying thing.
One of the guys that helps run it, he is a teacher, so he used his high school after
it was shut down.
We all go in there.
There's like 40 of us.
Oh, super spook.
Shut down for the summer, right?
Or like-
I must have.
Yeah, it was the summer.
So it shut down forever.
Yeah, it was like condemned.
It was shut down at least overnight because school was down, even summer school.
Okay. Lights off. Everybody has to overnight because school was down, even summer school. Okay.
Lights off.
Everybody has to go find a hiding spot, three floors.
It's like an old war school, so it's like 1930s.
An old war school.
Yeah, what's that?
It's like it was there during the war.
We got to prepare for war in order to have peace, so we got war school.
War school.
What is it good for? Educ at war say it again oh geez um
so you're at war school in the middle of the war school and three floors of what was the game hide
and go see yeah okay so we all hide and it's three hunters right so it's like the three people can go
find everybody he turns off all the lights yeah and then he goes right? So it's like the three people can go find everybody. He turns off all the lights.
Yeah.
And then he goes over the PA and plays like the Halloween theme song.
So it's just like playing through this crackly PA.
And then occasionally he's like, one more hunter is coming to get you.
And it's terrifying.
And then they chase.
You just hear people like running and screaming down long hallways.
And then finally like an olly olly oxen free.
But it was terrifying.
It seems like something where somebody is like, how did you break your
scapula? Yeah. This is the
kind of story that... I would have hidden in a locker
the whole time. Yeah, somebody did.
You know what I would have done? Left.
And I would be like, where's Graham?
Ah, he's at the A&W.
He left an hour ago.
Oh, you know what I would have done? I would have won.
Yeah. Because I'm awesome at stuff.
I love old
war school.
Go
muskets.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's old war school.
Everyone's
pouring gunpowder into their
babies. Did people scream so much
when somebody was like
chasing them? Yeah, I think the weirdest thing was because it was like
echoing so you could hear like three hallways
down. Just somebody like
the footsteps on a squeaky floor running
towards you. You guys were
courting like a real ghost story
there. Yeah, and a real murderer.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's like a murderer's paradise.
Oh yeah.
A bunch of dum-dums in a dark school.
I just run around stabbing everybody.
It's cool, yeah.
I love it.
That's pretty good.
Well, hide-and-go-seek is not tag.
Hide-and-go-seek is not tag.
It basically is.
I like hide-and-go-seat.
You just go hide and sit down.
No, but it was like the tag hide and go seek.
You can't just
find them. You gotta chase them.
You gotta chase them and kill them. I can see being afraid of that.
Then are you just dead? Or do you become a
hunter until there's like 25
people coming for work?
I love
I love it. I want to play
it as a grown up. It was the most fun, but scary. I don't do improv. Can I come to play it as a grown up it was the most fun
but scary
can I
I don't do improv
can I come to your ganza
yeah
why can't we go to ganza
why can't you
we're improvising
improvising right now
uh oh
I don't know what
the terminology is
you misread the script
wow
yeah that sounds like
laser tag
with the lasers
oh maybe I just want
to do laser tag
I definitely want to do laser tag let I definitely want to do laser tag.
Let's play hide and go seek right now.
How much money... I know all the corners in this place.
How much money would it cost to
install a laser tag in my
house?
I would say almost none. You need
vests and guns or something? You need to hire that guy
in the airlock that gives you all the rules.
Absolutely. I've never done it. Also, you
need to hire a guy who's 27, 28, has a ponytail, wears a fedora.
What would your nickname be?
Oh, Dave, let's see.
Thrillho.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You don't get to pick my nickname.
That's the way nicknames work.
No, I'm picking my own nickname.
Okay.
Well, I thought we were playing with...
Don't we all get to do?
Yeah.
Well, what are you?
Axemaster.
With an E or no E?
Ax?
Yeah.
Sure.
Okay.
Axemaster.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How are you?
Shots ahoy.
Because you can do a bunch of shots
or laser shots
or maybe double meaning
shots ahoy is pretty good
I like it
and you're
thrill hoe
that was my second choice
Kent already took it
so
that's great
but you've conquered all your fears
it sounds like you've had a great life
you've conquered your fear of tag
you've conquered your fear of the dark
you're a real R.L. Stine
thanks for being our guest
thanks for having me
Dave what's going on with you man
well here's what's going on with you, man? Well, here's what's going on with me
Not a heck of a lot
But the last two days at work
We had this sort of big
All the people from my work
From all over the country came to Vancouver
And we had a big meeting with the whole
Everybody
Real chinwag
Yeah, real getting to know each other,
a focus on improving processes.
Did you play Spin the Bottle?
No.
What?
There were no games.
Oh, that sounds fun.
It was very businessy.
Yeah.
And it was all held at Grouse Mountain
on the North Shore in North Vancouver.
Up at the top of the mountain?
Yeah.
Wow.
And so we all had to get in the gondola
every morning and go up
and hear the guy talk about the facts about the mountain.
And it was two different guys.
This mountain has been open since...
Yeah, it was two guys on two different days
and they had the same speech and it was...
Did they have any patter that they did?
If you asked them questions
They would answer them
But they didn't have like a
Whoa, hey, everybody's hands inside the
Nothing like that?
No, but one of the features of this mountain
Is that you can climb
It's like 4,000 feet
You can walk the whole thing
It's a hike, it's called the Grouse Grind
It's a big sort of touristy thing
It's like a Vancouver um a vancouver
bucket list thing like everyone has mine everyone has to do the grass grind at some point and it
takes between half an hour and two hours i mean the record i think is half an hour or so
do the grass grind in a club
have you ever done the gross Grind? In a club?
Nice, well done.
Thanks.
And so we're up there, and we're in this conference room where there's flip charts, and we're going over stuff,
and any time...
It seems like the most inconvenient place possible.
Oh, but it's beautiful.
Like, we're holding the next meetings under the sea.
Yeah, I think they felt that so many people were coming from out of town
that they might as well take them somewhere that's sort of exemplary of the beauty of the region.
When you go to Toronto, they better have the meeting at the top of the sea.
Yeah, or in the Hockey Hall of Fame.
That's right.
the meeting at the top of the CNT.
Yeah, or in the Hockey Hall of Fame. That's right.
But the thing is,
anytime anyone would go to the bathroom,
they would go into the bathroom
and there would be a sweaty guy,
a different guy every time,
washing himself in the sink.
Because they had all just...
There's hundreds of people
who climb the mountain every day.
Using flip charts to dry themselves up.
Yeah.
So I saw a dozen different
guys uh over two days uh just just armpits and the the it's like the super nice chalet up at the
top and then it's just the sweatiest dudes and like their their dry fit material. Wasn't it kind of raining all week, though?
Wicking away their grossness.
Yeah, it was the first non-rainy day.
And so people just like,
up the mountain we go.
I think people go up even in the rain.
Oh, boy.
Seems dangerous.
Yeah, at first it seems dangerous.
It seems sloppy.
Smelly.
Yeah.
How do you get back down?
You can either walk down, or you can take the gondola down. I didn't do you get back down? You can either walk down or you can take the gondola down.
Okay.
I didn't know you could walk down.
You can walk down.
It's too dangerous.
Yeah, you don't want to because you just walked up.
Your knees.
Yeah, you've got two of them.
Poor knees.
Your sweet knees.
Yeah.
Sweet knees.
And it's, but like I feel like they should have some kind of like locker room or something
instead of just having a gross...
Just a public bathroom for everybody?
Guys taking whores' baths in the...
They could do a gym, something weight-based, because you just did all that cardio.
Yeah, you want to mix it up.
Oh, sure, get to the top and do a couple reps.
Yeah.
They should just have stones up there that you can move around.
Because you're getting a natural.
Move these stones.
Move these logs.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Do you have to mix it up?
I've just been doing cardio and eating cupcakes.
Well, I mean, I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know either.
But you're going for that muffin top look.
Well, yeah.
I just know that that's the kind of stuff they have at a gym.
I've never, you know,
picked up a weight.
Who's going to spot me?
Every time I watch
weight loss TV,
they seem to say that.
What, you got to have
one and then the other?
Yeah.
What's weight loss TV?
Like Extreme Makeover
Weight Loss Edition
where somebody loses
like 1,200 pounds.
That was the original
Extreme Makeover.
I'm a small planet.
And they're like,
what do I do with all this skin?
Well, they pay for that, too.
If you hit your milestone, they will cut off your skin.
And they'll bread it and deep fry it.
Yeah, like what happens to that skin?
Could they...
Yeah, do they make, you know, suits for Burn Bits?
No, no, they sell them at county fairs.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Oh, they're just like a big round thing of
skin that's been deep fried yeah body butter yeah i need myself um but that was sure we all would
if we could yeah that was the original home makeover uh oh no extreme makeover it still is
the home make well yeah no it's the original extreme makeover. Yeah. And then they branched off
from that crazy show
where they would give people
plastic surgery.
They branched off
to home makeovers
with like sick children
and giving them
trips to Disneyland
and giving them
rooms they'll never
want to live in.
Yeah.
But it's okay
because the clock's
running out.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
It's nice to get
the community together. Did they do the same thing with... Move that bus. Is that what they say running out. Yeah. It's nice to get the community together.
Did they do the same thing with...
Move that bus.
Is that what they say every time?
Yeah.
But on the original Extreme Makeover,
did the community get together...
Move that bus referred to a fat lady.
Did the community get together
and help with the plastic surgery?
Like, oh, I don't know much about tucking,
but I'm going to give it my damnedest.
We're going to send 400
pounds of fat to Disneyland.
The local Boy Scouts have come in.
They get the neighborhood to sit on a bus and then
the person has to pull them
while they yell support.
Move that bus.
Pretty great.
Extreme makeover, I feel like it's not extreme enough if you just make them exercise it off.
You have to cut them.
You have to cut them off or crush them in a car crusher.
It was originally called I'm-a-cut-you, but then they were like...
That's already been taken.
By that scared straight shit.
I'm-a-cut-you. Oh, i don't want to go to prison you guys well keep keep going up and down that gondola stick to the gondola program you'll be fine we're
here to scare you straight yeah um so if you ever are in vancouver i recommend uh i think it's like
50 bucks to go up the gondola. That's why people walk.
Yeah, that is why people walk.
And then go directly back down.
You don't have to pay to go down, do you?
You pay 50 bucks to go down?
We don't have to pay the whole amount.
Five bucks?
Five bucks?
No, it's more than that.
No, it's five.
You don't know that.
I know for sure it's five.
For sure.
Oh, it's for sure?
For sure.
I think people do it every day, and so they have a season's pass.
Yeah, and if you're a Cardigo member, can I say that?
Pardon?
Cardigo?
If you're a Cardigo member and you show your membership.
The way you say it is funny.
Why wouldn't you be able to say it? I don't know.
Because we're not sponsored by Cardigo?
Yeah.
You should be.
You guys are saying it like it's Cardigan.
Yeah, Cardigo.
Isn't it Car-to-go?
Yeah.
Cardigo.
It's not Cardigo.
It's not Cardigo.
I don't think that's how it's pronounced
it's a car to go
oh hey by the way you know how a couple weeks ago
I said I saw the
Google Maps car up the street
parked I see it
every day now I think Google Maps lives in
my neighborhood like the Google Street View guy he's got the
giant camera that goes
in every direction on top of his car
I've never seen the guy driving it until this morning.
Does he wear a hat that has a camera on it?
Nope, but he did have a beard,
and the only thing I witnessed,
he was ahead of me in traffic,
and he rolled down his window and he spat.
So I might stop using Google Street View.
Well, I wish there was an Apple car in my neighborhood.
How's that going for Apple?
Good, right? Everybody loves that app? Yeah, everyone likes their maps. How's that going for Apple? Good, right?
Everybody loves that app?
Yeah, everyone likes their maps.
Mapple.
Do you think that the Google Street guy does one frame per every million that he takes of his genitals?
Like, so there's just one address that he picks at random, and if you zoom in, you just get his genitals?
I think he
does i think the answer to my own question is yes per million yeah per million photos he takes one
is a genitals and you sometimes you see it you don't even know that you've seen it i know what
his address is and i bet if you type that in yeah no your whole computer will shut down yeah well i
know what his address is because he lives up the street from me now.
If you Google Street View, Google Street View, the whole thing explodes.
Yeah, it sucks into itself.
But yeah, it seems great.
It seems really good.
Yeah.
So that was my week.
Saw so many people washing themselves in sinks.
Yeah, good for you.
I feel like that was... Usually you would have to go to gas stations all over the place to see that. Yeah, good for you. I feel like that was...
Usually you would have to go to gas stations all over the place.
Yeah, exactly, or train stations.
Sure.
You know, airports, places where people get vomited on.
Yeah.
Chuck E. Cheese.
How have you been?
Oh, good.
Here's two things.
These are two things that happened that I observed this week.
Love it.
First of all, there were Boy Scouts.
Already I love it. Yeah, they were at the train station and they were selling apples.
I was like, do you know?
What year it is?
Well, do you know what year it is?
Do you know what the Girl's Guards are up to?
Have you guys not got the memo about these awesome cookies that your sister...
Like, it was the saddest.
I gave $2 and I didn't want the apple.
Yeah.
And threw it on the ground.
I wanted to.
It was so sad.
Drop kicked it.
I wanted to throw the apple out of the trees
and the Wizard of Oz threw apples at Dirty.
Put a razor blade in it and shove it in his mouth.
Yeah, it was really...
I just was like, oh boy.
Boy Scouts have fallen on hard times, right?
There's been some scandals and they're anti-gay.
And everyone realizes camping sucks.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh boy, yeah.
But now they're selling it.
Like, that's the best.
Like, even if you just sold, I don't fucking, anything else.
Cigarettes.
Something that, you know.
That'd be a good idea.
Right?
Coupons.
Two-for-one coupons for Girl Guide comedies.
Anyways, it was the most, honestly, like, it was the most Honestly, like It was the most pathetic thing
And they were cute
Cute little guys
Were you ever a Boy Scout?
I was
Were you?
I was never a Boy Scout
Okay
But I was a Girl Guide
Were you really?
And a Pathfinder
Pathfinder comes after?
Yeah, for a year
Oh, wow
What's the oldest you were?
15 That's too old was it yeah no 15 is that's a high school isn't it yeah yeah to still be doing that wasn't it 15 no no i'm just saying
i don't know what ages it would be too old yeah you could have gone until 18 yeah no wonder you
never learned to get. Still waiting.
When did you do it, Graham?
Were you a cub?
I was a cub, yeah.
And that was it.
I did cubs.
Did you wear little shorts?
No.
Okay.
We wore shorts.
I remember the whole uniform.
Shorts, gray shorts, a gray shirt with your badge thing on it,
and knee socks with a little kind of a garter thing that had a little flag that stuck well i don't think it was a garter it was like an elastic
thing that you put at the top of your sock then you folded your sock over and there's a little
flag that hangs out the side but not like a sexy yeah around the thigh like a garter i promise to
do my best to do my duty to god and the queen to keep the law of the wolf cub pack and to do a
good deed for someone every day. Oh, we said
do a good turn. Oh.
That was our parlance. Dip, dip,
dip, dip. Dob, dob, dob, dob.
I was in the white six and
I collected
bottles. That was our thing. How do you
remember this? I remember, well, we
did it when we were like eight. Yeah.
You did it when you were 15. How do you remember no god what was the girl girl guide motto be prepared
it was like that when i got here
did you have did you ever have to do like every week at the stupid pack dumb thing uh you would have to uh get
inspected like you'd line up yeah you'd have to your nails your hair your hairdo your hair had
to be combed i'm sorry that happened to you yeah what happened to the girl one we weren't inspected
whatever that means well it means exactly that we had to you had to have... The thing that did up your handkerchief
was called a woggle.
Oh, who was?
So your handkerchief had to be on properly,
and your woggle had to be correct,
and then your nails had to be clean and cut,
and your teeth...
Maybe teeth was part of it?
You had to have teeth.
They did like a dog,
where they lifted up your gums,
and then they just...
They checked your genitals to see if you were intact.
Yeah, exactly.
It was like a kennel club.
We were wolf cubs.
Wolf cubs.
What did they do at Girl Guides?
I don't think...
Well, because I think Boy Scouts are more like military based, right?
Is that right?
Jungle book based.
Yeah, that's true.
There's a lot of stuff about the jungle book in there.
Cool.
But it feeds into... They both feed into the cadets.
I think that's just the Canadian one.
I think.
Oh, the cadet thing?
No, the Jungle Book stuff.
I don't think the American one has that.
Yeah, because there was an Aquila and a balloon.
Yeah.
Yeah, we didn't have that.
What did you have?
I'm fascinated.
I want to learn. I mean, I wish I had a better memory and better blew. Yeah. Yeah, we didn't have that. What did you have? I'm fascinated. I want to learn.
I mean, I wish I had a better memory and better vision.
But you were smoking so much pot.
So much pot.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
We learned pot brownies.
She was a member of the pot brownies.
I maybe had one day when we learned knots, and the rest was just nonsense.
Yeah, we never learned that.
Were you in brownies?
No.
Okay, so you just went right into Girl Guides.
Yeah, Girl Guides and then one year of Pathfinders.
But I didn't like the authority.
Yeah.
That you had or that they had over you?
I couldn't handle my own authority.
Well, you weren't comfortable having authority over whatever Pathfinders have authority over.
No, no, just like the Leader Ladies.
Domain over me.
The Leader Ladies?
Is that what they were called?
Yeah.
Leader Ladies. Were they parents or were they just people who loved scouting? the leader ladies domain over leader ladies is that what they were called yeah leader ladies
were they parents or were they just people who loved scouting i think one was a parent then one
was like a hardcore pathfinder like she actually found path yeah and she wanted to talk all about
it sure yeah but you were busy making out with grade 12s, making kissy sounds. Yeah. Rubble, rubble.
Yum, yum.
Yum, yum.
Yep.
So that was the first thing.
Was seeing these little cubs
selling apples.
It was like Little Orphan.
Were you seeing it in black and white?
Yeah, I felt... Was it sepia tone?
Yeah, and they were coughing.
Norman Rockwell painting.
I've got sand lung.
Yeah, will you buy our apples?
So bad.
And then...
Aquila.
The other day, I was at a Mexican food place that you and I have been to before.
Oh, the one up the street?
Yep.
Were you there without me?
Yeah. Oh. But this was the street? Yep. Were you there without me? Yeah.
Oh.
But this was like early in the day.
This is in the middle of the day.
Oh, Mexican breakfast.
Went to go have, yeah, exactly.
Mexican breakfast, a whore's bath.
Yeah.
And then home.
Huevos rancheros.
Also known as a whore's bath.
Yeah.
So there was, I ordered my burrito, and I
was waiting, and this
guy came in, and he was
bad news
from the second he walked in the door, this guy.
Yeah, we have that here. Ordered a quesadilla,
and
then he
asked, like, where's
somewhere he can get a cup of water or whatever.
Agua. Well, the lady like was like
oh you can have it here and he's like i want it to go he wasn't going anywhere though and so she
gave him a to-go cup and he filled it with water and then he just left he's gone and it was really
weird he like stormed out of the place and then he came back and refilled his water and then picked
up he eaten his quesadilla yet?
No, this is just waiting for the quesadilla.
Then I saw him, I don't think he thought
anybody was looking at him, but he picked up
one of those little paper cups that you put
ketchup in and put it in his mouth
like it was gum and started chewing on it.
So that's not a normal thing, right?
Is that a thing that anybody ever does?
Gotta do something. Never tried it.
So he got his quesadilla and then he he walked out, and then he came back in again three
minutes later, and he was furious about the quesadilla.
He said the last time he got it had more meat and cheese, and he was like, you're gonna
remake this.
And the chef was like, nuh-uh.
Did he finish it?
He had totally bitten into it more than once.
It wasn't just like, oh, this isn't right.
Like, he had eaten about half.
I mean, maybe the paper he'd taken out and stuck it on the side for after.
Anyways, he told the guy to remake it.
And the guy was like, okay, I'll remake it.
And then he filled up the travel cup with water and then threw it at somebody's car outside.
And I was like like i don't
even remember this guy paying for it like i feel like in all the commotion maybe he
just like created a scene yeah to to avoid paying yeah like that's what they teach you in scouts
just go in and create a diversion they should have that yeah instead of like the bogus... Punk scouts? Instead of learning knots and stuff, learning how...
Scum scouts?
Yes. Learning to
you know
how to
badmouth a bus driver, how to get on the bus for free,
how to get a free meal, how to get
to use the bathroom without paying. Go to the bar, hold up
a 20 and then switch it for a 1.
That's what Girl Guides was all about.
Smoking. Kissing. Smoking and kissing. it for a 1. That's what Girl Guides was all about. Oh, right. Smoking.
Kissing.
Smoking and kissing.
Using your wilds.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The two S's of the Girl Guides.
Did they ever teach you to just use your femininity?
No.
Like, oh, just wait for a man to do this.
Yeah.
You just have to trick a man into burying you.
Yeah.
Yeah, and here are some tricks that'll drive you wild yeah
use cookies yeah it was a lot of cosmo yeah yeah yeah sit around and read yeah i got my badge and
hot sex tips tongue tricks uh yeah you tied knots uh with a cherry stem. Yeah, exactly. So anyways, the guy got his thing and remade.
But the weirdest part was while it was being remade, he kept shouting at everybody in the restaurant about how unhappy he was with the quesadilla.
Like, the problem was way solved.
Yeah.
Like, instantly, no problems.
We're going to fix this up.
But he's just like,
last time I was here,
it had more meat
and it had more cheese on it.
And he didn't look like
a guy who needed more of...
Oh, really?
Yeah.
A real sweatpants,
you know.
Just a real sweatpan.
But the weirdest part,
the weirdest,
the takeaway part
was this guy
casually throwing a paper cup into his mouth.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
Right?
I might steal that.
It's kind of a move.
It's a good move.
Yeah.
It really says, I'm crazy.
Yeah.
Well, like, you know, some people have to quit smoking because they can't afford to smoke.
But then they also can't afford gum.
Well, this guy certainly couldn't afford a quesadilla.
He was trying to get three meals in that
quesadilla. Yeah, three hots and a cot.
Yeah, well,
you know what? When the zombie
prisons finally open up.
Isn't that what was happening
on... I haven't seen it yet.
They go to zombie prisons.
Oh, it seems like it's... Is it still bad?
Is it good again? Yeah, it's
great. Okay. Wait, do you like zombies?
I like zombies.
I don't like standing around and talking.
No, no.
There's a lot of zombies.
Okay.
What are you talking about?
The Walking Dead.
Oh, oh, oh.
It's an 18th century play Dave and I are putting on.
Yeah.
A romp.
Yeah.
She bows to bite your brains.
What's it called?
She stoops to conquer. She stoops to conquer. Yeah. I stop for brains. What's it called? She stoops to conquer.
She stoops to conquer.
I stop for brains.
Yeah, I break for brains.
Oh,
let's move on over here. Yes, we said it was time for overheards, but it is actually briefly time for a bit of business.
Yeah, what is this, a court of law? You're not going to get us for lying.
Yeah, this whole courtroom is out of order, everybody.
Oh, it is a court of law.
Oh, yeah, but the system's out of order.
This week we've got a few bits of business.
First and foremost,
support for Stop Podcasting Yourself
comes from audible.com.
We're in the podcasting big leagues now.
Yeah, this is huge.
All the big shot Johnnies get audible.com.
Audible.com is a provider
of digital audiobooks and more
with more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature, including fiction, nonfiction, and periodicals.
Graham, what kind of audiobook would you suggest?
There's two, actually, that I've found that I have enjoyed, one in reading form and the other in actual Audible form.
one in reading form and the other in actual audible form.
The first is the Fran Lebowitz Reader, very funny,
and she is the most funny when she's doing the reading.
So it's actually advantageous to listen to it that way.
And the abridged Hollywood Hulk Hogan,
written and read by Mr. Hulk Hogan himself. Oh, my goodness. Why did you bury the lead?
Because I know you want to finish strong.
For a free audio book of your choice and a free 30-day trial membership, go to audiblepodcast.com slash spy.
Now, also a couple bits of business.
Ooh.
These are bonus bits of business.
Bonus bits.
The month of November is coming up, and I've never done this in November.
Or, well, I mean, I guess I have.
Touched a lady?
Yeah.
Never, never in November.
The Movember movement.
The mustache growing to raise awareness for men's health issues.
Not just mustache growing, but mustache farming.
Yeah.
I'll be growing a mustache
and raising money
for men's...
I think it's primarily cancers,
but it's also mental health and stuff.
Yeah. It's like, hey, take care of your man.
Yeah.
And if you're a man, take care of yourself.
And I think you can join me.
You can donate at Movember.com.
And you can also grow your own mustache.
I think we can form a team if anyone's interested in doing that.
I will post a link over on the blog at MaximumFun.org.
And then at the end of Movember, do you want to take a photo of the both of us with waxed-up mustaches?
Sure.
That'll be fun.
Yeah, fine. That's an added incentive to donate to see that photo of the both of us with waxed up mustaches? Sure. That'll be fun. Yeah, fine.
That's an added incentive to donate to see that photo.
I won't have enough.
It'll just be like wax resting on them.
But we'll both wear fun hats.
And the other thing I would like to plug is on November 5th, I will be performing, not performing,
I will be a guest on a talk show happening here in Vancouver, hosted by past guest Brad McNeil.
The real deal.
Yeah.
And he will be hosting a talk show at a place called Lark, which is a clothing store.
Oh, yeah.
So if you want to-
Everything cool is happening at clothing stores now.
Exactly.
So that'll be November 5th at Lark in Vancouver. Check that out.
Yeah, check it.
I bet you I will. If I have the night off, I'll do it.
Fine. I'll give you the night off.
Yeah, I'll go and check out some pants and some chat.
Do you have anything to plug?
Nope.
All right. Well, if you would like to sponsor the show, head over to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron.
Now let's move on to overheards.
Overheard.
Overheards.
A segment in which you...
Now, Graham, shut up.
Oh, hi.
I just want to talk about how great overheards are and how much I love them.
And I feel like they really bring us together as a unit.
They really do.
Dave, shut up!
It's time for a segment
that refuses to die. It's a little
segment called Hulk Hogan News.
You know what? It refuses
to die. It gets
beaten up really badly and then
Hulk cloud.
You know why? Because it's a Hulk
Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News.
Now, like we've been talking the last couple weeks, it's been a real firestorm Hulk Hogan-wise.
I'm not sure Sarah knows what's going on.
No, she's got a real hateful look on her face.
Do you know what exactly?
Do you hate Hulk Hogan?
I haven't seen the videos.
Oh.
Do you mean wrestling videos?
Or the sexy type?
Oh, those videos.
I don't know if you can call them sexy videos
well it depends on where you stand me hulk hogan news is a weekly segment uh uh here at stop
podcasting yourself um sex video or no sex video yeah we've been doing this segment uh way way
before like for over a year no i'd say probably like three or four years.
Now, the most recent thing, as Sarah correctly pointed out, it's sex tape season.
Yeah.
In all Cogan's household.
Yeah.
And it's a horn of plenty.
The real corn of copia.
Yeah. Yeah.
And lately, what's happening is a lawsuit pending a $100 million lawsuit.
Oh, man.
He's not worth that much in bed.
You know what?
It's $1 million for the legal troubles, $99 for his emotional pain.
He's suffering from having sex with that lady on tape.
Yeah.
So he's suing his old friend, Bubba the Love Sponge, for $100 million billion.
We're going to need your real name for this lawsuit, Mr. The Love Sponge.
He legally has changed the name to Bubba the Love Sponge.
So that's his legal actual name.
And that's why you shouldn't trust him.
Exactly.
His name's Freedom. That's why you shouldn't trust him Exactly It means freedom Freedom the
Yeah freedom the love sponge
Anything preceding the love sponge
Changing your name
Legally to a really dumb name
Is better than getting a really bad tattoo
Because you can change it back
That's true
And it's kind of fun. Like you can
get some, you can go get a college degree
and have that name printed on the degree.
Yeah, you can get a driver's
license. You can get arrested and
have that on your mugshot.
Yeah. Ocho Cinco
or whatever. Yeah.
Metta World Peace.
What are some other ones? The Riddler?
Did anybody ever change their name to The Riddler?
Jim Carrey.
Frank Gorshin.
Anyways, Howard Stern is saying that he's going to try and talk Hulk Hogan out of the lawsuit.
He's going to try and...
He's going to be the level head in these stormy seas of sex tape lawsuits.
And he's going to try and get Hulkster to drop it.
Here's what I think will happen.
Bubba Love Sponge will offer Hulk to have another go at his wife videotaping.
This time I promise I won't videotape it.
It'll be like Lucy with the football.
Just the most grown up disgusting version of that.
Anyway, so that's, you know, good luck, Howard Stern.
Good luck, American justice system, with figuring this out.
I hope he gets a really, like, outrageous lawyer.
Like, just the...
Yeah. Oh, I hope he gets Erwin Arshast.
The accountant?
The accountant wrestler?
The accountant turned lawyer.
I don't think there was specifically a lawyer.
Aaron Brockovich.
He should get Aaron Brockovich.
I know she's not a lawyer, but if there's one thing she knows,
it's injustice and fraud.
We're getting Aaron Brockovich, the ghost of Johnny Cocker.
Gloria Allred.
Has Gloria Allred ever represented a man?
I don't know. What is her famous
every woman?
Yeah.
Shocker Con.
Okay.
Well, now it's time to move on to some overheards
and as we always like to do on the show, we like
to start with the guests.
Yes.
You say you have two, allegedly.
Allegedly.
It's true.
I have two.
One seems like more good.
Okay.
Oh, more good.
More better.
One was a slow burn.
No, I mean more good.
Why don't you go with the slow burn one first, and then we'll come around.
Yeah.
And then you go for the more good.
Okay. So I had an audition today.
Ooh.
Yes, for an ER nurse.
Part.
Oh, a part.
Okay.
Yes.
Okay.
To audition in front of an ER nurse.
Nurse, I need a love sponge.
Oh, God.
Right here.
I don't know.
Yeah, I got your love sponge.
Yeah.
Right here.
She put it in her crotch.
Yeah. She grabbed her balls. Sorry, Mom. Roll up, everybody. I don't know. I got your love sponge. Put it in her crotch.
She grabbed her balls.
Roll up, everybody.
So I'm at a cafe next door.
It's on the lot.
It's at the North Van Brooks Bank Studios,
which is one of the studios.
What do they shoot?
I don't know.
Commercials. Fringe.
Yeah, the big sound stages.
I don't know.
I'm not allowed on them
hollywood musicals yeah hollywood musicals singing in the rain was done yeah on location
katie perry's uh movie that she's the 3d yeah believe in me or whatever yeah believe in me
yeah yeah take a chance on me why don't you? So there's a cafe on that lot.
And so I was sitting there and there was like these two guys with like a ton of plugs in their hair.
Okay.
Like they just like looked like film.
Are we talking about kind of like...
Frosty Flakes or whatever you call it?
Yeah, like but dark.
What was the thing?
Frost and Shine?
Frost and Glow.
Frost and Glow.
Like that, but with
dark hair.
But it was actual hair plugs.
You know how you can tell?
You can totally tell. You can tell long after they're new.
You can definitely tell when they're new,
but then you can tell when they're Jeremy Piven
or they're Kevin James.
Did I ever tell you Sean Prelive?
Sorry to interrupt.
A past guest, a past roommate of yours?
Yeah, his friend got a hair transplant.
Yeah, and then you're supposed to be very careful, and there's only a certain way that
you can brush them and cut them.
Yeah.
And then he went and got a haircut at a $7 barber.
Oh, no.
Fucked them all up.
It was like a $2,000 procedure and then he went to like super cuts.
Yeah.
And didn't tell the guy.
Yeah, exactly.
Be careful of these.
God.
Anyways.
So these guys had gross points.
Yeah, I don't know why I said
like I
There were two of them?
There's two like
Were they plugged into
each other's heads?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's how I knew.
Did they meet each other
through like a support group?
I think like
OkCupid or something.
Bald seeking bald? Yeah. B for B I think, like, OkCupid or something. Bald seeking bald?
Yeah.
B for B?
B for B.
OkCuba.
Hey-o.
Cheers.
I don't know.
They're sitting there, like, eating their sandwiches.
Classic bald guy.
And it's like, you could tell they're in the film industry somehow.
Yeah.
Just the way they're talking to each other.
Like, they somehow had weird New York accents, even though they weren't from there.
And the one guy just, they've been silent the entire time, and I'm just reading a paper.
And the one guy goes, so Carl, when are you going to get voicemail?
And he says, I know, I know.
And he's like, Carl, you got to get voicemail.
It's what, 2012?
And then it occurred to me they were from the future.
Or from the distant past.
I don't know if I need voicemail.
I'm so used to brain mail.
It just took so long.
It's like, it's 2012?
And then you went and you nailed the audition.
Yeah.
Yeah, how'd the audition go, by the way?
It went fine.
It was, like, I had to memorize all these weird nurse terms.
Like, asystole.
Asystole.
A what?
Yeah, scrubs.
Asystole?
Asystole.
What is that?
It's like, when your heart flatlines.
But you wouldn't just go, because this guy on the table dies.
And instead of going like, there's no heartbeat, it's like, pause, dramatic beat, literally written, and then asystole.
Oh, wow.
Oh, gross.
Yeah.
I would have improvised my dialogue.
How do you feel about auditions?
It's a lot of buildup of pressure.
And it's a lot of buildup of everything,. And, like, it's a lot of build-up of everything, really.
Gas.
Yeah, especially gas.
That's why I'm here.
Yeah,
Graham and I love auditions.
Yeah.
We excel at them.
And was there a real dead guy there, or did you have to pretend?
I used a chair.
Oh, wow. May I use this chair for dead yeah great yeah do whatever you need whenever you're ready
asystole asystole may i use this chair asystole yeah the weirdest part was that i had like the
sides in my hand and at the end like i had practiced it before and i was like just be
normal you know what i mean like just act normal just be cool just be cool i got so nervous I had this move after saying asystole
Where I slowly
Moved my hands into crossing
But because I had my sides
The script in my hand
It slowly crumpled into my elbow pit
And I was like
Asystole
Crumple, crumple
And then I think I looked at the camera for good measure.
Oh, and like, wait.
Hey, Cicely.
They don't do that on enough dramas.
Yeah, especially ER ones where the doctor's like, he's dead.
To you at home?
Check it out.
Yeah, he's dead and you did nothing to help.
How would you?
How are those chips?
They don't do enough that are like Dora the Explorer where they ask the audience questions.
Oh, yeah.
Like, how would you have handled this?
Yeah.
How do you pronounce asystole?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Where is the bullet?
Donde esta el buleto?
Just Diego killed on the table.
Why are all these doctors wearing backpacks?
Because they explore. Just Diego killed on the table Why are all these doctors wearing backpacks?
Because they explore Dave, do you have an overheard?
Well, I guess so
I don't really
But I have had one on the back burner
For months and months and months
If it ever came up that I didn't have an overheard
And this one is something you would have seen
Okay
Because it is in the CBC building where you occasionally work and I frequently work.
And it is in one of the bathroom stalls.
There's some graffiti that seems to be heartfelt.
And someone has graffitied on the graffiti.
And the graffiti says, R.I.P. Amanda.
And someone has just changed changed rip to bib for no
reason bib amanda brb that would be a funny thing to put on a tombstone brb i might go uh bring a sharpie to work tomorrow. BRB, Amanda.
And then add a comma.
Yeah, like she ruined it.
Yeah, XOXO, Gossip Girl.
So yeah, it seems weird.
There's no graffiti in any of the bathrooms in that building except this one.
And then to have graffiti on graffiti.
How long ago was this?
Oh, it's been there for months, yeah.
It's current.
Yeah, that is pretty current.
Let's not go into that, but hey.
Talk more about my grandfather in the Holocaust.
Oh, no, it's been there for months and months.
Oh, right, there was a recent Amanda death.
Yeah.
That's what I'm talking about.
Oh, we both clued out on that
It's okay, I was there
BRB
Oh god
The faster the better
Do I have any other overheards?
Who?
My overheard comes courtesy of
Two charming young ladies
Well actually three
Three of them
On the very last bus of the evening Late late night bus Two charming young ladies. Actually, three. Three of them.
On the very last bus of the evening.
Late, late night bus.
These two girls were dressed in the tradition of a young Avril Lavigne.
Oh, wait.
A wife beater and... A skinny tie.
A skinny tie.
Kind of a...
Yeah, like a cute punk.
Sure.
Wasn't all the way, but.
Like an Abby Dawn.
That's Avril Lavigne's clothing line.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm sure they were wearing lots of that.
Probably some, what is it?
Emily Weird or Emily Strange.
A lot of Hot Topic style equipment.
Like they had all the punk trimmings.
A lot of bum equipment.
Yeah, they didn't look like they smelled.
Um,
and they were talking to a lady and they were all so drunk because they were
all talking top volume,
like just shouting everything they were saying.
And none of it was offensive.
It was one of the most boring conversations to have at top volume.
But at one point this lady said that the lady wasn't the punk girl said that she was moving
to italy and that she had to uh she was selling all of her stuff and she was selling these glass
blue eggs that she makes that are like like lanterns that you carry but they're in the shape
of an egg and one of the punk girls said you sat next to the exact right people to talk about glowing blue eggs.
They were so into it.
Oh, that's awesome.
But there's so many practical applications.
Sure, yeah.
They wanted to buy one, but she didn't have a business card. I also doubt that she had these blue eggs.
Or that she was moving to Italy.
I didn't expect you to be into it.
Yeah, exactly. This is my outline.
Oh, boy.
Anyways. Now you had another one.
Yeah, you were super stoked about it.
Was that the slow burn or was this the slow burn?
No, this one's just like...
This one's the bomb.com.
Oh, God. It's like a fizzle.
I don't know.
So I'm on a bus to so i'm on a bus here we go i'm on a
bus too and it's back from like the north shore by the cap by capilano university is this today
as well no this is just like a like a few days ago and actually i just remembered it when you
first brought up the overheards but then i overheard this thing today that i liked more but
so this one was like i was alone pretty much on
the bus and there's this couple like making out mid-bus and then the bus driver yells no sex on
the bus and then the couple goes sorry sir so they were having sex on the bus no they were just like
kissing but it was like no sex on the bus and then what i expected like a like some sort of
sass they're like oh sorry sir oh because i. And then when I expected some sort of sass, they were like, oh, sorry, sir.
Oh, because I think that them saying sorry
is an admission of guilt.
They were like, we were doing that.
Maybe there's like, yeah, I couldn't see their hands.
Outer courts.
Outer courts.
That's a thing.
Yeah.
It happens in outer space.
Yeah.
We've gone off course.
Yeah.
I think he just meant no boners on the bus
Well that's a good rule
You know what
But the problem with buses is
They're boner makers
There's a lot there
I have one just thinking about it
These were teenagers?
Like early 20s.
A couple of guys that had obvious fake hair plugs.
Yes, same guys.
If you're in your 20s, you're too old to be making out on the bus.
I don't know.
Really?
Oh, you've made out on the bus in your 20s.
No, I haven't kissed anybody.
I know, but come on.
Yeah.
You've had sex on the bus.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, we've all...
But we never kissed.
Like pretty woman style.
You're saving your bus kisses for your true
bus love.
And my butt.
Not recording.
This is just the
warm up.
We like to do a quick
90 minute warm up. Until everything's nice and loose. Oh guys. This is the warm-up. Yeah. We like to do a quick 90-minute warm-up into microphones.
Yeah, until everything's nice and loose.
Yeah.
Oh, guys.
All right.
Now, we also have overheards that have been sent in from around the world.
If you want to be one of these type of people that send stuff in via electronic transmission,
you can send them to stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com.
And this first one comes from Patrick F.
And this one's got some saucy language in it.
So I'm saying it right out of the gates,
because I know the other day you were on a Google Hangout.
There was a guy from Australia that says,
I listened to this show with my kids,
and we were one of the only podcasts that didn't have much swearing.
So now, you know, if it's going to be blatant, if I know it's coming down the tubes.
Yeah, we don't have any rules about swearing.
We're just not sweary people.
Exactly.
But, you know, this one's got some swears in it.
So this guy was, oh, he was in the Google Hangout.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I was at the grocery store a couple nights ago, and this young...
What's his name?
You didn't say his name.
Patrick F.
Oh, okay.
Oh, sorry.
You totally said his name.
I was at the grocery store a couple nights ago, and this young, I'd say 19-year-old bag
boy was talking to the checkout girl, complaining about this ex-girlfriend or something.
Bag Boy was talking to the checkout girl complaining about this ex-girlfriend or something.
I heard him say distinctly,
And I dropped $40 at Buffalo Wild Wings on this bitch.
I mean, I'm okay if she doesn't want to kiss me in public.
But if you don't want to kiss me at BW3s, leave me the fuck alone.
BW3s is Buffalo Wild Wings?
Yeah, yeah.
Where's the 3 come from? I don't't know that's how it's written in here but it is just bw2 oh maybe because it makes people think of
a world it's not even bw2 it's just bw wild wings okay sure bw2 would work yeah bww uh but anyways
this guy's www.bww. www this guy bought her
a lot of wings
$40 worth
that's a lot of wings
oh my god
like that's
how many wings is that
you gotta go on a Wednesday
yeah
what
how much
I don't know
wing math
120 wings
120 wings
I don't know
it's under a dollar
a wing
isn't it a quarter a wing
on a good day
it depends on the place
yeah I've never
been to buffalo wild wings but but like it's certainly she's not eating 40 wings she's not
catching 40 winks no yeah i'm gonna lie here and catch 40 wings in my mouth
a divin blue cheese for me um uh yeah i love I love when I go to a grocery
store and there's a young guy working
there because they never know what any
food is. Oh, where you're like,
where's bok choy? Or like
you're checking out and they're like, is this
and you're like, parsley.
What's this called?
An artichoke. Michelinas?
Now this one comes from Andrew C. in Vancouver.
This is an overheard courtesy of my two boys, Simon and Dylan.
Where my boys at?
No, they're here, right?
Oh, hi.
Simon had taken out a prankster book from the school library.
I did a similar thing when I was a kid.
Why would the school library have a prankster book? They school library. I did a similar thing when I was a kid. Why would the school library have a prankster book?
They're asking for trouble.
Absolutely. They tore out the page about the tack on the teacher's chair.
Yeah.
And wanted to go to the dollar store to buy a whoopee cushion.
They both got one.
And after blowing them up, Simon says
to his little brother,
you just became a level one prankster.
Followed by a fist bump.
Pretty great.
They also got a kick out of the writing on the whoopee cushion that said,
poo and a real Bronx cheer.
Yeah.
You should have warned about the language in that one.
Absolutely.
You're right.
Well, let's just consider that a blanket warning for all of these.
Things are so awesome.
I always read that on a whoopee cushion cushion that the sound was a Bronx cheer.
Yeah.
But I've also heard that a Bronx cheer is a different, is like a sarcastic applause.
Oh, really?
Like when the goalie is doing really badly in a hockey game and he's let in a bunch of goals.
And then he makes a really easy save, the audience.
Oh, everybody gives him like a, where am I?
Where'd it go?
Oh, wow.
I like it. But yeah, a Bronx cheer is just supposed to be like a raspberry right yeah that's how i've always read it but it's not an actual
like a bronx cheer isn't like fart oh okay it's right it's that sound it's like a yeah a mouth
um a mouth fart yeah gross um did you did i have a whoopie yeah... Did I have a whoopee cushion
when I was a kid? Yeah, well, did you have a lot of that kind of
stuff? Did either of you? Yeah, definitely.
I had whoopee cushion. I had
Joy Buzzer. I had...
I tried bringing back a Joy Buzzer like three
years ago, and I would shake people's
hands, and people would just be like, why are you shaking my hand?
What's...
You have mischief in your eyes.
Spicy gum
Or the gum with the snap on the
Oh yeah
The mousetrap gum
Or the black gum
The gum
Oh, do you have black gum?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Turns your mouth black?
Yeah
Stink bombs
Steve Stimpear
Yes
Stink bombs
I remember when there was a kid
That dropped like
You know, five or six of them
In the ventilation
At our school
to be evacuated.
Do you think a kid get in so much trouble?
Well, I never found out who it was.
I think it was that one kid, the Riddler.
The perfect crime.
Bloody Mary.
Stink bomb, wash my hands.
Saturday four times she put stink bombs in the crates.
Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary.
Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary.
Ha ha, you can't kill me.
Gotta stink me up.
There was one I remember that my uncle had.
It was very, it's like one you could make at home.
It's really.
You part in a jar.
Yeah.
And then whip it again. And then you just throw the jar at somebody's head.
And they're trying so hard
to not get the fart in their face that they fall over.
No, it's like
he had an envelope that said
that there was
there was like cobra eggs
in this envelope.
And then you open it up and it's just like it's basically just a paper clip with a rubber band with a button in the middle of it that's wound up.
When you open it, it goes, like, and it scares the shit out of you.
Because you're like, you know it's not cobra eggs, but you're like, what fucked up thing is going to be in this envelope?
Why would you open it?
For the delicious cobra eggs inside.
What's the best case scenario?
What's the best For the delicious
Cobra eggs inside
What's the best case scenario
Uh
Well
I was hoping
The cobra would jump out
So I wasn't disappointed
Yeah
I am
I once got my grandma
One of those
Those tickets
That's like a fake lottery ticket
But
Oh yeah
When you scratch it
It says you win
Yeah
What?
That's a thing?
Yeah yeah
They do them on
America's Finest film videos
Oh wow
But she dragged me
To the 7-Eleven
And was just so excited.
She thought she would have never done anything like that again.
Yeah, that is...
She's just telling you, like, my whole life's going to change.
I'm going to be able to get that surgery that I...
I didn't want to tell you that I needed this surgery, but I need a surgery really bad.
Like, quickly.
Yeah.
Or wouldn't it be worse if she was like, you're going to get the surgery that we didn't tell you you needed?
Oh my god.
Finally.
I'll be a real woman.
We're going to get it.
Never mind.
Oh, guys.
This last one comes from Michael T.
Last week I was at Disney World in Florida.
We got off of the Space Mountain ride and I overheard a woman say, that's what it was like in Iraq.
Oh. Whoa. Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Fun.
I've heard of Space Mountain before.
I know it's one of the-
Space Mountain Iraq.
The famous rides.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I never really considered what it might be.
The thing is, and I may be way off on this, but I think...
There are these pirates, and they're of the Caribbean.
Yeah, and you find out at the end that it's a small world after all.
Yeah.
I think it's that, and I could be wrong about this, but I think Space Mountain is you think you're on this crazy roller coaster, but actually it's all tricks.
You're not actually moving through.
Because it's all in the dark
and you think that you're flying upside down
and all this stuff
but it's all...
I don't think you're in a box necessarily
but you're not...
There's not actually a roller coaster
that goes around in the dark.
Oh, okay.
But you feel like that's what has happened.
Yeah.
So it could be way off.
If that is wrong,
don't email us a correction.
Email us tickets to disney yeah
absolutely none of these fake tickets like sarah's got for her grandmother you should do an episode
on space mountain like go to space mountain and just record some stuff sounds like it would be
filled with um screams yeah joy a lot of waiting in line. Have you been to Disneyland?
When I was a kid, yeah.
Did you go on the haunted house ride?
No.
Did you go on that?
I went when I was three.
Too spooky for a three-year-old. Yeah, I didn't do anything.
And you were how old?
Like five.
We did Captain EO.
Captain EO with Michael Jackson 3D movie.
I remember that, yeah.
Didn't you have a two-headed furry friend
that kind of looked like Elf, but they played the saxophone?
Elf plays the saxophone.
You're right, Elf does play...
Was it Elf?
Maybe I'm just remembering how much I liked Elf.
Was there an Elf ride?
Whenever you say Elf, it sounds like Elf.
Also, when I say
people pronounce it
Popeye, I say Popeye.
Yeah.
Cardigal.
Yeah.
Popeye.
I also say hot dog.
In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept overheards that are called in.
If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328.
Yeah.
Popeye.
Hey, Dave, Graham, guests.
This is Nathan from Philadelphia.
And calling in an overseen.
Just recently driving behind a car here,
driving behind a van in North Philly.
And they have two bumper stickers.
One of them reads,
help, someone farted and we can't get out.
Pretty good.
The other one reads, honk if you've got a badonkadonk.
Yeah.
Is there a badonkadonk in the house?
Help, we farted in our car, we can't get out.
I always wonder about those cars.
What if you legitimately need to honk at them?
What if they legitimately...
Oh, like they were doing a traffic infraction.
Or there's a killer in the backseat.
What if the killer has a badonkadonk?
How do you communicate both?
Right.
What series of honks?
Two short, one long.
Yeah, you're gonna get smothered by their
badonkadonk.
I see a badonkadonk, but also...
I'm curious what Nathan did. About theong. Yeah. I see a badong dog, but also... I'm curious what Nathan did.
About the things?
Yeah.
The predicament.
You know what?
None of the above
he farted in their car.
He waited until
they weren't looking
and then he farted
in their car.
Oh, yeah.
Help.
Help.
I forgot about the first one.
I thought you were
just being awful.
Yeah.
No.
I was playing with a theme.
Yeah, okay.
Next call of phones.
Hey, David Graham.
This is Jason from Greater Vancouver calling with an overheard.
I was actually walking down Commercial Drive last weekend,
Saturday night, coming home from a bar,
and I overheard these two ladies walk by,
and one was just saying to the other,
oh, I convinced my sister to babysit this weekend
so we can finally do all that LSD we've been saving.
Anyway, guys, I thought you might enjoy that.
Keep up the good work.
It keeps.
It gets better with age.
Yeah.
This is a 1982 LSD.
That's why I won't have kids.
Yeah.
Why?
Because of all the LSD that you wanted to yeah i want to do oh yeah i
mean it's every weekend with these kids yeah and i can't have kids now is that i wonder if there
was a parenting book that came out in the 60s they'd come out all trippy yeah and you'd be
tripped out like they would come out and you would see them as like the dancing bears from
the grateful dead and you'd be like what? I didn't know that I got pregnant.
The baby would be all like,
I'm going back in.
You're like, you can't, baby.
Why are you talking so much?
You'd have to give him a bunch of B12 shots
and orange slices.
Is that what brings you back around?
I think that's what they have in the Sober Up tent
or whatever.
I don't know a lot about that.
That might be from a Mr. Show sketch.
Orange Slice is sound, but maybe that's just for
LSD soccer.
For halftime.
Mm-hmm.
And there's no ball, they're just...
And everybody
wins.
That one game freaks out.
That's something I had
never had any interest in doing
it's probably the most
I would say the most romanticized
drug out there right
every other drug it seems like
I mean Spanish fly
sure
but you know every other drug
when you see it they always show the horrible downside
but acid it seemed like all accounts is like all upside But you know, I really drugged it. When you see it, they always show the horrible downside.
But acid, it seemed like all accounts is all upside.
Yeah, you'll try to fly.
That Mad Men episode, you see that one?
Where they all do LSD?
Oh, yeah.
That looked cool.
Yeah, and you know, whatever, Yellow Submarine.
That was created through the whole Grateful Dead everything.
The whole 60s.
Purportedly Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, but not really. And Come Together, apparently.
Oh, okay.
Walrus.
I love music.
That would be a good name
for a record store, Walrus.
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, they always said it was.
They didn't. The Beatles didn't.
But people were like, the initials of the song, man.
Yeah, people love codes that don't exist.
Did you not? Seriously?
That's very funny.
Check out all the nouns in this song title.
But no, it was based on a drawing.
Yeah.
By a young Lennon child.
Was it Julian?
Yeah.
We wish him well.
LSD forever.
Right?
Yep.
And finally.
Hello, Dave, Graham, and sexy guest.
This is Sam from Prince Edward Island calling.
I'm right now outside the
Mount Rushmore National Memorial.
You know, those heads carved into
stone here in South Dakota.
I just overheard somebody
at the viewing area
say, so what
nostril did Richie Rich come out of?
Oh, yeah, good question.
I want to say it's Roosevelt.
It might have been Lincoln.
What is that?
From the movie Richie Rich.
Oh, the McCorky Corkin?
Yeah.
Because at the end of the movie...
In fact, I've got to double back on it and say none of the above,
because he made his own Mount Rushmore with his face.
Because that was the whole thing with Richie Rich.
He had his own...
Just one face?
Him... I think there was two of them
kissing each other, and then one watching,
and then one that's all, like, just
freaking out that he's even there.
I don't know. Or he had
his face added to Mount Rushmore.
It's from the comics, but anyways,
at the end, they're fighting John Larroquette,
and he...
I think they come out of the Richie Rich nostril
okay let's rank the top
10 Macaulay Culkin movies
okay from best to worst
I guess we'll go
starting at 10
I don't even know if there are 10
I bet you we can do it
starting at 10 with Richie Rich
sure
that's number 10
party monster
number 8 was he in Saved? yeah he was in Saved With Richie Rich. Sure. That's number 10. Number nine. Party monster. Yeah.
Number eight.
Was he in Saved?
Yeah, he was in Saved.
No, wasn't that Kieran Colgan?
Oh.
I think it was Kieran. Number eight.
To be determined.
No, let's say number eight.
He was in this one with Elijah Wood where they were like stepbrothers.
The Good Son.
Oh, The Good Son I think is higher up.
It's better, yeah.
Yeah.
The Good Son.
Oh, The Good Son I think is higher up. It's better, yeah.
Yeah.
I'm going to say number eight is going to be...
Oh, boy.
Okay.
Don't panic, guys.
We got this.
Let's say he was in Saved.
Okay.
Saved.
Yeah.
Number seven.
The Good Son.
The Good Wife.
Number six.
How many good ones are there
so let's fill in the middle later
no no no
because we know what number one is
Uncle Buck
oh so number six can be like
Home Alone 2
number five
My Girl 2
but he wasn't My Girl
number one
oh you say My girl number one?
Close.
Okay, we'll say my girl number two.
Yeah.
We can agree on that.
Uncle Buck is going to be number three?
Maybe, or one.
I think Uncle Buck should be number one.
Yeah, I think so, too.
So Home Alone should be number three.
Okay.
So then we only need number four and five.
Four and five.
Okay.
So The Good Son is one of those.
No, we already said The Good Son.
No, we skipped it.
No, then we put it back.
Then we put it back because we were running out.
Oh, right.
The Good Son is the one where he barks at a dog.
And kicks someone out of a treehouse.
No girls allowed.
Oh, Rocket Gibraltar.
Rocket Gibraltar.
Wasn't he in...
No, he wasn't in Dennis the Menace.
He was in a movie called Rocket Gibraltar. Was he reallytar. No, he wasn't in Dennis the Menace. He was in a movie called Rocket Gibraltar.
Was he really?
With Donald Sutherland.
I never saw it, but let's say four.
That sounds really good.
Okay, and then...
So we only need three.
What if he's dead by the time this episode comes out?
Que sera, sera.
Yeah.
Jesus.
I feel like we're missing a very obvious one.
Where did he meet Mila Kunis?
Because that was on a movie.
And they were married.
No, he married a different lady.
No.
He married a lady before he dated Mila Kunis.
He did, yeah.
But he also dated Mila Kunis.
She seems to be really Circling the bull
Like she's with Ashton Kutcher now
He seems down
He's quite a step down for her
Did she date anyone in between?
Justin Timberlake right?
She was with Justin Timberlake
That was a movie
She was with some loser
Before Ashton Kutcher
She was with somebody like
Not Jamie Kennedy or something Somebody horrible like that I'm a loser. Before Hashtag Coach, she was with somebody like... She was with Macaulay Culkin for years and years.
Somebody horrible like that.
Okay, sure.
I can't believe we're one away.
The comedian aunt.
It's weird because he was in a lot of things.
I can't remember.
Did we say Richie Rich yet?
Yeah.
Was there a little Jinx movie?
Yeah.
Little Rascals.
He wasn't in any other adaptation, I don't think.
I think Richie Rich was the only one.
Yeah.
Was he in adaptations?
Yeah, he played Nicolas Cage's triplet.
I can't think of another Macaulay Culkin movie.
It's killing me.
Well, I am going to look it up.
Oh, thank you.
Save us from ourselves.
I feel like he was supposed to be in Richie Rich, but then he was too old.
Well, no, he was in Richie Rich.
No.
Macaulay Culkin?
No, he was just some kid, some blonde-o kid.
Richie Rich?
No, he was in Richie Rich.
Oh, sorry.
I mean, Dennis the Menace.
Oh, Dennis the Menace was Dirk Benedict or whatever.
Yeah, the guy from the 80s
no um he was the kid from uh rushmore oh speaking of mount rushmore um i forget the name of that
actor but he was very good walter mathau played uh mr wilson yeah i remember he was the original
grumpy old man um he was in the Michael Jackson
video Black or White can we say that?
that's what I was thinking
that's number one
what movies
what other movies was he in?
I feel like I'm missing one that's like
really obvious
he was in The Midnight Hour he played Halloween Kid
that was in 1985
he would have been a 5 I think he's our age
The Equalizer he played Paul Gaffart He played Halloween Kid. That was in 1985. He would have been about five. I think he's our age.
The Equalizer.
He played Paul Gaffart.
He was in Rocket Gibraltar.
Yes.
Yeah, well done.
Then See You in the Morning.
Okay.
Uncle Buck.
Yeah.
Jacob's Ladder.
Home Alone.
That's the one.
Wish Kid.
Oh, he played a voice in that. Only the Lonely.
Only the Lonely. This was a rough time for films. You do love one. Wish Kid. Oh, he played a voice in that. Only the Lonely. Oh.
Only the Lonely.
This was a rough time for films.
I do love music.
My Girl.
Home Alone 2 Lost in New York.
Dangerous, the short film.
He doesn't have his glasses.
Dangerous, the short films would have been a Michael Jackson movie, right?
Yeah.
The Good Son.
The Nutcracker.
Oh, the Nutcracker.
Getting Even with Dad.
Oh, shit. Yeah. Dad dancing, right? Yeah. Oh, fuck. The Pcracker. Oh, The Nutcracker. Getting Even With Dad. Oh, shit.
Yeah.
Dad dancing, right?
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
The Pagemaster.
Oh, man.
I'd kick it myself that I didn't get Getting Even With Dad.
That's the one.
Yeah, the voice of a phone.
Oh, fuck.
Apparently on Frasier, there were a bunch of really famous people who were the voices
of the callers, and he was one of them.
Oh, wow.
Party Monster, we said that?
Yeah.
Will and Grace.
Will and Grace. He played an episode of Will and Grace. Yeah. He played Jason J.P. That was one of them. Party Monster, we said that? Will and Grace, he played an episode
of Will and Grace. He played Jason
J.P. Towne, a.k.a.
Soupy. Foster
Hall, this was 2004, so this was...
Wow, so he wasn't in that
many things.
Saved. His brother took over.
Yeah, and then
I think he has two brothers.
Rory and Kierken. Kierken. Yeah, Kierken Quinton. Yeah, K then I think he has two brothers Rory and Kierken
Kierken, Quinton
Quirky and Colton
My girl's really good
What was his dad's name?
Maury
Maury Culkin
Now, was my girl good
Or was it because you were
A young lady who was in love with anna chomsky you know i was
and he played thomas jay yeah come on when he dies oh thomas jane yeah spoiler alert when she
it's a murder right no she's got to cover it up he's allergic to bees all right and he goes back
for her ring her mom's ring and gets stung by like a boatload of bees yeah but it's like the bees weren't gonna
steal that ring he could have gone back after the bees left like you know what i mean like it's not
like the bees were gonna pawn it yeah like the bees could not carry off a ring. No. I mean, they can't carry off that look. Did you see My Girl 2?
Yeah.
Who, did the guy in that die as well?
Like, is the story just about...
Black Widow.
Like it was the same girl.
And was the same girl?
And was she just over the dead kid who died for her?
Well, like...
No, it's like Teen Wolf 2.
It's like the two are only tangentially connected.
But the girl's the same.
Yeah, well, the dad of the Teen Wolf 2 is the same.
My girl 2 is she goes to a small town to find more about her dead mom.
Oh, her mom's...
Her ma'am.
Did her ma'am die before the second movie?
First movie?
Her ma'am died.
Yeah, because Danny...
Trejo?
Trejo plays her father.
Machete?
No, Dan Ackroyd.
He goes back to get her
father's machete.
He gets stung by a Mexican gang
called the Bees. Yeah, the killer
Bees.
Stay off our territory. It's fun. It's fun to have fun. Sarah, The Killer Bees. Oh, guys. Stay off our territory.
It's fun.
It's fun to have fun.
Sarah, you're a great guest.
Thanks.
Thank you for being on the show.
My pleasure.
If people want to find out
more about you,
where do they go?
Where do they learn about you?
There.
That's how they created
that song on the
Hard Earth Mayhem.
I'm located in the middle
of that sound
I'm on Twitter
at the Sarah
with an H at the end
I got on there early
I don't know
I'm around
the Improv Fest is coming up
we'll be in there too
what's the name of your group?
Instant Theater Troop Beverly Hills.
Yes, Troop Beverly Hills
at Vancouver International Improv Fest.
And we'll be doing
a zombie herald on
the Halloween.
For anybody that doesn't know,
myself included,
what is a zombie herald?
Well, there's no such as
a zombie herald, but a herald is basically a long-form
improv set. So they'll be seeing a long-form
show, and the theme will be
zombies. So we'll be in one location
escaping a zombie
apocalypse based on suggestions.
Sounds like you've already written it.
Here's my suggestion. War school.
Yeah, war school.
Old war school.
Oh, God. Dave, what do you got cooking? yeah war school old war school oh god
Dave what do you got cooking
what do you got broiling
Halloween's this week
so here's what I want
I want plenty of fun sized treats
you know
glucose
I want fructose
I want geico
I want gecko
I want paraffin wax I want gyko. I want gecko.
Paraben?
I want paraffin wax.
I want beeswax.
I want none of your beeswax.
Acystole.
Garuba? Is that a thing?
Carnuba?
Carnuba! Thank you.
I want Twizzlers. I want Twizzlers.
Jamaica.
Bermuda. Bahama.
Come on, pretty mama.
Key Largo. Montego.
Baby,
why don't we go down to Kokomo?
So sad about it.
We'll get there fast
and then we'll take it slow.
That's
where we
want to go.
Way down in Kokomo.
Bob Blake or something.
Hey, um.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Anything for you, Greg?
Summer, love it.
I, like I said earlier in the show,
you've got a couple days left to put together
your slutty Graham Clark costume.
Send me photos through Twitter,
at Graham Clark,
or through the Star Podcast yourself at gmail.com.
I'll send prizes to the people who've done the bestest job.
And remember, slutty, sexy.
So man, woman, or beast.
Absolutely.
They can all be slutty.
Oh, that'd be fun.
Beast.
A horse.
We can do Dave Shumka and his Boy Scout outfit.
That's a pretty cute image.
You gotta admit.
Oh, and the little cap.
Yeah, a little beanie.
If you like the show, go over to MaximumFun.org and check out the blog recap that Dave does each and every week.
What's going to be on it?
All ten Macaulay Culkin movies.
Well, maybe none.
But certainly Richie Rich.
Yeah.
Picture of a Boy Scout.
Or something.
The Jungle Book, perhaps.
Mason Gamble.
That was the kid's name.
Mason Gamble from...
He played Dennis the Menace.
Oh, well done.
Good pull. Good pull.
Deep pull.
MG.
And there's other amazing shows
over at MaximumFi.org
and if you like this show,
tell your friends
and come on back next week
for another episode
of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Bye.