Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 252 - Allyson Smith

Episode Date: January 15, 2013

Comedian Allyson Smith returns to talk about the worst scary movies, New Year's resolutions, and Graham's travels with a muscle woman.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 252 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, well we're back down in the basement recording studio again. And you know we were upstairs for a long time, now we're downstairs. I'm glad to be here with you, Mr. Dave Shumkin.

You're really painting a picture of the mind. A real upstairs downstairs, a real Downton Abbey. Upstairs-downstairs. That was a play, right? Like a British Are You Being Served? Yeah, it was a... Tall Man series.

Yeah, it was sort of like a Mr. Bean. Yeah, yeah. It was pre-escalator. Yeah, upstairs-downstairs. Mr. Bean had fun with stairs. Oh, what's this railing for? Well, what's he going to do with this? Yeah. He wants to retire that character.

Mr. Bean? Rowan Atkinson does? Yeah. All right. But here's to 50 more Johnny Englishes. Yeah. Right? Our guest today.

He wants to retire that character, but it's hard because the character doesn't talk. So how does he get that across? I think Mr. Bean in a retirement home is something we all want to see, right? Oh, my God. Maybe that country. Is that what he means? I'm not like he wants to do a series of him as an old man. Yeah, I want to retire him.

I want a series. Oh, my God. That's actually kind of age appropriate for that country. Yeah. Continue. Yeah. That's great. Speaking of that country, our guest today,

currently making her home in England, repeat guest here on the podcast, very funny comedian, Miss Alison Smith is here for us. Oh, I'm so excited to be here. 252. I feel good about that number. Yeah, yeah, palindromes.

Oh, totally palindromes. It won't be episode 252 again for another thousand years. Bam. This is it. This is our moment. That's why we're all wearing 252 glasses. You can't see that, but honestly.

But honestly. Yes, let's. Do you want to get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. So, Allison. Allison. Living in Northern England. Yeah. Allison. Living in Northern England.

Yeah. I'm living in Northern England. I live in Manchester. Now, I've noticed that when people go to England, they'll come back with an accent. But that doesn't happen if you go to Northern England. You know why? I am the worst ever. I can't do them.

I can't do them. I cannot do maybe a little bit like a word here and there. But I would never insult a country by trying to do their accent. Really? No. Are you kidding me? And I'm Canadian. That's my accent.

Like, this is my voice. Do people notice that you're Canadian or do they just assume you're American? It's American instantly. Yanks. They call you Yanks. Yeah, yeah. No, instantly. You've got a special friendship.

Is that what they call that that Tony Blair and George Bush? Is that what they call that miniseries? The special relationship? Oh, it's so like... Oh, God. Yeah. Instantly, it's American. Yeah.

Nobody... No, I'm not going to say nobody. I'm going to say like two out of like 300 have been like, you're from Canada, aren't you? And you're like... I can tell by your backpack. Oh, yeah. And they're like, I've got a cousin who lives in Ontario. And you're like, oh, yeah. His name's like, I've got a cousin who lives in Ontario. And you're like,

oh, yeah. His name's Jason. Oh, yeah, Jason. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Jason. From the Friday the 13th movie. His name's Jason. He wears a hockey mask.

He's Canadian. That's appropriate because I love horror movies. Go on, sorry. You do, right? Oh, my God. They're my favorite. Why? Remember? Because, what happened? It love horror movies. Go on. Sorry. You do, right? Oh, my God. They're my favorite. Why?

Remember? Because. What happened? It was on commercial. Uh-huh. Your show. Okay. I have no memory.

The Laugh Gallery. It's gone. I lost it. I lost it in Vancouver. The Laugh Gallery, which was probably one of my most favorite shows ever. There you go. Right? Yeah.

Yeah. What about it? How does that tie into a horror movie? I know. I'm sure you've talked about it before but graham would give away gifts at the end of the show that's right and every so often there would be a gem of a vhs horror movie that was like because i don't like good ones i like the stinkers you know what i mean like devil's puddin you know what i mean

i'm gonna watch devil's Puddin like witch grandma oh yeah what's she doing like I want to know because those uh those uh

scripts at least they are original at least you're like well I'm never gonna see that again like you tell me when someone's done more than one microwave massacre no

only one has ever been made what happens in microwave massacre uh a dude has like a massive microwave. It's the size of a fridge, and he cuts up people and puts... Or does he cook them alive? I can't remember exactly, but I know... He probably does a bit of both.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, cooks up people and eats it. Somehow figures out that, like, oh, when I cook people, I enjoy eating it, and then continues to kill and eat people. Microwave Massacre, everyone. Wow. On VHS.

What upsets me is so many movies are being remade now, I realize that I'm very passionate about those movies because Troll Hunter, let me tell you. Oh, yeah. Oh, great. I'm glad you know of Troll Hunter. Of course. I actually watched.

This is different from Troll. That's right. Troll. Oh. And Troll 2. Is it Troll? Maybe it's just Troll. Am I thinking of Troll?

Where they do the documentary. There's a documentary about them making a Troll. Best worst movie. Yeah. I watched the documentary first before I found Troll. And then I was like, well, I am watching Troll. Yeah. And yeah, it is a movie that is worthy having a documentary made about it.

Sure. I bet you a lot of these B-movies. It's an awful, wonderful, awful, wonderful movie. I want to see a microwave madness. Massacre. Massacre. I want to know more about microwaves. Sorry, we're getting really off topic with more. No, no, no. We're right on topic.

Boom. So he has an enormous microwave, and then he discovers he likes cooking and eating people? Well, okay. Many years. I'm almost wondering if maybe what it is is somehow he's like, this is when the microwaves first happened, right? Like, microwaves were like one of your friends had one and you're like, oh my God, we had popcorn. It was wood panels.

Ah, yeah. So you didn't know that much about them. So it was like, you know. That's true. Oh, man. You didn't know much about them. You weren't putting metal in them. Even a huge size microwave at that time might have been...

Conceivable. Totally. Oh, yeah. They make those. A garage size microwave. Oh, wow. Look at that guy. He's got a big one.

He's got a huge one. Yeah, yeah. Oh, like it was a point of pride in the neighborhood. Like, look at the size of that guy's microwave. Also, this was back in a time where a computer was the size of a room. That's right. Sure, sure. It takes a whole space. Like, you open the door, you're like, look at your computer was the size of a room. That's right. Sure, sure. It takes a whole space.

You open the door and you're like, look at your computer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you had a mansion you could have three bathrooms, eight bedrooms,

one computer and one microwave. One microwave. Oh, I want to... That's the mansion I want to own. Yeah. I want that place.

A walk-in microwave. You stay here. I'm just going to go get something. Giant buttons. Don't push anything. Oh, that's great. I like the idea that any new technology is ripe for horror. Boom, that's what I mean.

Horror's instant. Horror's a reflection of the times. Yeah, but have they done a horror movie about the Viewmaster? They did a horror movie about a cellular phone. I know that.

I want to say it was cellular, but that was the movie with Kim Basinger. Basinger or Bassinger. Or Basset Hound. And Jason Statham. No. Yeah, Jason Statham's the bad guy. Oh, was Chris Evans in it?

He is. God, you guys are good at names. I'm like, that guy. Yeah. Well, you don't forget a name like Chris Evans. Absolutely. No. But there was a book.

I want to say maybe Stephen King wrote a book about a killer cell phone. I just remember the cover of it being like a cell phone. Either it was a cell phone that had teeth or blood was coming out of it. There's probably a movie and it was probably a stinker. Let's be honest. When have you ever seen a Stephen King movie that you're like, I'll watch every single one and support it? Well, I mean The Shining aside, right?

Yeah. The Shining was great. You're right. You're right. Put that aside. Kujo was scary. Oh, Kujo was kind of scary. Even as an adult, I watch it and I'm like, because that's a real one. That could happen. Didn't he write the Shawshank Redemption? He did. Oh, that's right. And the Green Mile. Oh, wow. Really?

And also Stand By Me. Oh, yeah. Stand By Me. You know what? I think your theory is full of holes. I. Oh, yeah. Stand By Me. Yeah. You know what? I think your theory is full of holes. I stand corrected, everyone. And that's what happens when you talk and listen to one another. Yeah. You learn.

You learn. You learn. And you grow. And I'm going to say right now, Stephen King movies. I apologize. But the horror ones are generally not great. I mean, he really just churns them out. What's the clown one that was like a miniseries?

It. Yeah. People enjoy that. Creepy at first. Creepy at first. The clown with the teeth. But thens them out. What's the clown one that was like a miniseries? It. Yeah. People enjoyed that. Creepy at first. Creepy at first. The clown with the teeth. But then like Giant Spider. What are you doing?

Harry Anderson. Oh. John Ritter. What's not to love? All your 80s sitcom stars. There's a movie where there's a guy that has a car that kills people. Oh, Christine? Yeah.

Is it called Christine? Was it that strange actor? I don't think I've seen it. But the guy that plays George McFly is in it. Oh, Crispin Glover. Christine Glover. Christine Glover, yeah. But like a Pet Sematary or a Thinner.

These are not great movies. See, you know what's sad? Thinner. When I think of movies, I think of them still on display in a movie store. That's how I imagine movies in my head. And that's not going to exist anymore. It exists. I work at a video store.

Do you work at a video store? Uh-huh. Oh. I bet you have a horror section, don't you? We do. That's the best. Horror. We actually have a horror section.

And what could be considered a horror section. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's amazing. I'm out of touch with what is new in horror. You're out of touch. You're out of time. I'm out of time

with horror movies and something. In your mind. Do you like any of the modern day horror films? There is a new one that came out this weekend. This episode will be released next weekend. There's a new Friday the 13th out. Get out!

I'm out of touch with the time. It's 3D, I think. I'll give her a go, maybe. I haven't been to a 3D movie for a long time. Maybe I need to go to a 3D movie. Yeah, maybe you do. Maybe you do. Oh, I'm back in the UK.

I wonder if there is a... I wonder... Movies are on different schedules in different places. Oh, yeah. You're not going to get it until next year. Or maybe we already got it. Oh, I don't... Not unless it's a Harry Potter movie.

What about like a human centipede or something like that? You know what? Just the concept of human centipede. And I've watched a lot of movies. I just don't want to. Oh, no, it's gross. Yeah, I don't. But is it any grosser than putting people in a microwave?

Yes. Yeah. Thank you, Dave. Yes. Yes is the answer to that question. That's just my level of where I reach my borders. Maybe horror movies has helped me find my borders because over time

I've realized... In relationships and stuff, don't stitch my mouth to your butt. That's my border. Doctors without borders are just doctors who are into really kinky stuff. I'm a good communicator. The one thing I don't want in a relationship is um... Not into. Yeah. I'm a good communicator. The one thing I don't want in a relationship is... Not into.

Yeah. I am okay with... As long as my mouth isn't involved. If I'm the front. I still don't see anything really wrong with being the front of the sex feed. It's a different situation. Yeah. So maybe, yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Horror movies. Yeah. Well, they're remaking or they've already remade

The Evil Dead and so that's gonna be coming out in theaters soon what you know what I was infuriated

when I watched the remake of Nightmare on Elm Street I was so angry I was with my friend and fellow comedian Alison Dorr seriously

who is a horror fan as well horror horror fan horror fan horror fan horror fan as well. Horror fan. Horror fan. Horror or fan. Horror fan. Oh, I like it.

And she, we were, I was angry because that movie to me was my adolescent. Like I was about, what was it, like 11 to 13? I'm not really sure. Freddy Krueger was your first crush. I had mixed feelings about Robert England as a person. I was like, you scare me, and yet you're a good little scary actor, Robert England. The first night right on Elm Street is scary.

I don't care what anyone says. If you watch it again, you'll be like, ah. Ah. It is. It is. I'm scared a little. Look at that. I'm scared.

I jumped. Then Freddy gets a sense of humor. Number two is like the worst ever. That's true. He wasn't funny in the first one. And in the third one, Freddy gets fingered. Freddy is hysterical. Then he starts to turn people into sausage on pizza and eat their head and squish them

like a cockroach. And you're like, what's going on? Yeah. You're right. It did get sillier and sillier. Which one is the one where his tongue comes out of the phone? Is that number two? Oh, that might even be one.

That might even be a one. That sounds super scary. That sounds like a one kind of effect. Yeah, like somebody's talking on the phone, and then his tongue comes out and licks them on the mouth. Yeah, in the remake, it's all just his finger comes out of a text. Yeah, and just waves at them. Yeah.

Nobody really talks on phones anymore um yeah the the remake that wasn't uh i don't know that anybody i saw it in the theater because i got uh free like how long ago was the remake oh what is it two years okay yeah and it's the guy who played Rorschach in Watchmen. Okay. So good with the names, you guys. Yeah, the guy with three names. Yeah. Jack Earl Haley.

Jackie Earl Haley. Jackie Earl Haley. He played Freddy in it. And he wasn't a bad Freddy. No, he did his best. I know he did. I know he tried. Good effort. Good effort. Thanks, but you're insulting best I know he did I know he tried good effort

good effort thanks but you're insulting what I know what is my core it upset me it bugged me and they're like

my core my core was upset cause I don't know I don't know I just don't think you should do it without

I don't know remake these just think of a new movie are we really that tapped out it's human nature oh we're tapped out absolutely I mean I know I Why not remake these? Just think of a new movie. Are we really that tapped out? It's human nature. Yeah, we're tapped out. I mean, I know I am, but I was hoping everyone else wasn't. This is actually a remake of a previous episode

of a different podcast. We bought the rights to... Word Girl. So, like, the thing is, though, like, a kid now, like, say, like, a 13 though Like a kid now Like say like a A 13 year old

Now wouldn't want to watch Nightmare on Elm Street The old Because the effects are Kind of good Yeah I know I guess there's just part of me That's like

Just take it in for what it is Because it is Okay Okay I'll even argue that point I might be proved wrong But I'll argue it You look at a movie like

The Exorcism You Is that a movie like The Exorcism. Is that the sequel to The Exorcist? Yeah, thanks. That is what I'm looking for. Oh, okay, The Exorcist. The Exorcist? The Exorcist, I know. Oh, my God.

You've got some good, like... Points, but just bad... But, like, mom qualities. Yeah, you've got some great mom qualities. Oh, The exorcism. Oh my God, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Wow. The exorcist.

Yes, the exorcist. The effects in it are amazing. Yes. And stands the test of times. If you compare it to like 3G or whatever, you know, fancy things that exist now. Wait a minute. 3G? Like cordless phones and pagers.

Ben. You can compare it to Wi-Fi. I mean, it's much more to look at. I mean, you're just sitting there staring at your router. Oh my God. I don't want to realize I my mother is helping you guys. Oh, it's the greatest. Yeah, I bet your mom's a lot of fun.

She's an interesting lady. She's an interesting lady. Why is she an interesting lady? Tell us one interesting fact about your interesting mom. Okay, my interesting mom likes to repeat herself to ensure that she was heard the first time. Oh, kind of like Chris Rock. That's Chris Rock's thing on Snapchat. He just repeats himself.

My mom's like Chris Rock, so throws me some warning. So what do you mean? How does she do it? Is she like Johnny Two Times? Jacob Choo Choo. She just like, and she's from PEI, so her voice is very sing-songy, so it'll be like, so are you going to get some potato chips on the way home? And I'll be like, sure, yeah, I'll get some chips.

Okay, great. Because I really love some potato chips. So if you pick them up on the way home. Oh, thanks so much for grabbing those chips on the way. Okay, no problem. I got you. I got you. Yeah, I got you is what I say to my mom a lot.

I feel like I got you. I hear you. Yeah. I got you is what I say to my mom a lot. I feel like, I got you. I hear you. Yeah, for sure. Totally going to get chips. Yeah. And then if you forget them, you can just act like you did it out of spite. Yeah. I forgot them, Mom.

Yeah. I forgot them. Yeah. Didn't remember them because I forgot them. So, no, you're right. The Exorcist has got good effects. Mostly. Good effects. so no you're right the exorcist has got good effects mostly and built in a time where there were they like they had to build a computer for her head like a whole robot for her head to spin around and but i caught myself on that one i caught myself on that one i I caught myself on that one. I did. There was a day when I was like, robot is the word I mean, not computer.

We built a robot for a head. To spin around. Yeah. To do a sow cow. To, when they showed breath, like cold breath at points, they actually built a set within like a cellar so they could like have it really cold. Like just the amount. I love that stuff.

What's-Her-Name nearly got her back broke. The one that played the mother. Really? Yeah, because you flew across the room and that was her on a... Broom? She was a witch? Are you talking about the movie Witch Grandma?

Witch Grandma. You're getting it confused, which is a classic. And I recommend everyone see it. So the movie Witch Grandma? Witch Grandma. You're getting it confused, which is a classic. And I recommend everyone see it. So what's Witch Grandma? That's just everybody else in the family monsters, and she's just the witch grandma? Okay, that was like, because I used to have a friend, and we would rent like six in a row. So that was like movie four of a night.

I remember there was a store, 24-Hour Video, I think it was called. 24-Hour Video. And you could get five movies for five days for five bucks. Yeah, that's a good deal. Awesome. Doing it. There was, I remember, one of the leprechauns. Oh, Leprechaun 3, Back in the Hood is my personal favorite.

Yeah. Wait, there's Leprechaun, Leprechaun 2. Leprechaun-deer. Leprechaun-da. L leprechaun leprechaun two leprechaun dear leprechaun he but there's like it it splits off in the middle of the series into leprechaun the leprechaun movies and then leprechaun in the hood becomes its own series where it smokes weed. Yeah, totally. He raps. It was hysterical. Does he rap?

He raps. I could see that he would. I could see that he would. He used to bong. That goes along with rapping, right? Oh. Yeah. Controversial.

Question mark. I put it out there, though. I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? You're not afraid to court controversy. I'm not. I'm not. No, you're not afraid to court controversy I'm not I'm not

no you're not that's great about you um okay so which grandma yeah that's good watch it

well I don't know that we can yeah what's the premise everyone else I really don't remember but I remember that you'll enjoy it okay

have you ever seen Grampire no but does that exist yeah it's about an old man who's a vampire. That's brilliant. Yeah, he's Mr. B.

No, it's the guy who played the... Oh, man. Grandpire. He ran for office and stuff. Al Franken. He played the grandfather on the Munsters. Oh, okay. Right?

And he was a vampire, and then he made his own movie called Grampire. Wow, that's brilliant. See? These are all choice picks. and then he made his own movie called Grampire. Wow, that's brilliant. See? These are all choice picks. Yeah. Yeah, these are all Allison's picks. Top ten. Yeah.

I do spend a lot of time, because I find as a person... A person in the 20th century. It's hard to keep up on music and movies, so I spend a lot of my time sometimes just Googling. I'll be like, horror movies. Like horror movies colon what's new or just horror movies? Sometimes. I've tried a variety of searches to always keep things alive. Sure.

Right? What's a new horror movie that you like, that you've seen? I enjoyed Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer. I really did enjoy it. I know! Vampire Hunter. Again, details

are not my forte. I'm not good with like... If you listen to me on a holistic view... I know, I know. I love it. I love it so much that everything is 1% off. But know, I know. I love it. I love it so much that everything is 1% off. But an even, an even keel.

Oh, I love it so much. I haven't seen it, but you recommend. Yeah, for sure. Start to finish. It was better than I thought it would be. I was like, really?

And I was like, ah, interesting angle. I like it. Will it be weird when Lincoln and that movie both get nominated for Best Picture?

It will be weird, but I think we will know deep down inside what was the better movie. Yeah. Both were somewhat fictionalized accounts, right? Absolutely. Yeah. Have you seen either? Nope. No, me neither.

Not interested. Yeah, me neither. I kind of want to watch them both and write a review on my opinion of the two of them. Oh, that's a good idea. I kind of feel like doing that. I've never been like, alright. Analyzing an essay on a horror movie versus a current...

I like it. Why don't you do it? Maybe I will. Maybe I'll go back to it. Maybe you won't. We'll see. You wait until you get it in the mail, everyone. Oh, wow. And do you like that I said mail, not email? Yes, I do very much.

I'll mail it to your house. Yeah, getting mail. Anybody get any mail over the holidays? Nope. Me neither. My roommates all did. I'm super gel. Oh, if you want J.Crew catalogs, I got you.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.... If you want, like, J.Crew catalogs, I got you. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You didn't get any mail, hey? Oh, no, I got your gift coupon from Flex Magazine. Oh, great. Should have brought that over. I'll bring it over next time. I got him a subscription to Flex Magazine.

Well, tis the season, right? It was for Secret Santa. Yeah. The secret was Dave's going to get buff. Yeah, Dave's going to get the grossest man boob magazine there is. Oh, boy. If you like veins, you probably think this song is about you. Dave.

Yeah. What's going on with you? Well, this is our first episode of the new year. We banked a few because Grahamham was going back to school yeah got his degree yeah i went back i'm from itt tech which is great because i could work and get my degree at night yeah take care of my kids during the day i went to itt tech during the day university of phoenix at night yeah barb is on in my sleep um so uh yeah this is our first one of the new year we haven't recorded in a couple of weeks and so uh you know so much has happened and then in another

way not much is yeah yeah that's true um because there's this like i time period where nothing goes on i i hung out with my family a lot at christmas we. There was like four nights in a row when I went over for dinner. It was like we had a roast of... Of every animal. Two of every animal. We literally did. We did on the 23rd, my parents were like, hey, we're going to do a ham. We're going to have a big ham.

Come over. And then the 24th, roast beef. And the 25th, turkey. Hi. And then the 26th, roast Chinese food. Oh, turkey. And then the 26th, roast Chinese food. Oh, right. It was turkey stuffed with just, you know.

Noodles. Yeah. Right, right. Yeah, so a lot of like sort of time off from work, a lot of watching entire seasons of TV shows. Oh, sure. Yeah. A Wallander. And yeah, went to go see...

I saw the James Bond film. The recent James Bond endeavor. I heard it was amazing. Sky Float. Yeah. Cloud Fall. It's pretty good Yeah

If you go in for that kind of thing Yeah I liked it better than His other James Bonds The other blonde bond work Sure I don't I don't

Bond I don't bond I don't bond with Bond I'm not the kind of guy Who would either But I do For some reason You just give it a go

You're like I should Do you feel like Yeah Yeah I mean I like a racing car. They always race a car. Yeah, they do. They run through the streets.

That's always exciting. Yeah. Maybe. There's a little bit of gay stuff. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's his face? More intrigued.

Javier Bardem comes into the movie, and he's got James Bond. Where do you find James Bond all the time? Tied to a chair. Yeah, tied to a chair or to a table. Yeah. So he's tied to a chair. Somewhere in a dinette set. He's on The Price is Right.

They're showing a beautiful dinette set. He's tied to the China cabinet. Spy not included. He's tied to a credenza. And Javier Bardem is massaging his legs and stuff while he's tied to the thing. I don't hate it. Yeah. I don't hate it.

Because that's been, you know, those movies have been made since the 60s, right? Or late 50s? 60s. Early 60s. Yeah. And there's never been... There's been a lot of subtext. Like a gay...

There's been a lot of subtext, but there's never been a gay Bond villain. But there's always been a gay subtext to it? Not always, but usually. Yeah. Interesting. Not always, but usually. Yeah. Interesting.

Usually there's a lot of people eating sausages, really, suggestively. Yeah, sucking honey off of a sausage. Yeah. Is that a thing? Yeah, yeah. That seems like something people in England would do. Gold sausage. Off of a sausage. Gold banger.

Sausage. Off of a sausage. Gold banger. Like you would get dinner in England and it would just be sausages in like a small pot of honey. And everybody would just sit around. You know what? That probably does exist somewhere. Yeah, you're right. No, for dinner it's like a tartar sauce.

For dessert it's honey. Oh, yeah, yeah. But it's always sausage. I think I've seen stuff like that. For dinner you dip your sausage into a meat pie. And then you dip it in. Did you know they're popcorn? When you go to see a movie, they don't put butter on their popcorn.

What? They put popcorn in their butter. No. I went with Paul Meyerhog. Yeah. We went to see a movie and we walked up and we were so stoked because I was like, I'm going to eat the shit out of popcorn. So excited.

And it was more true than you could ever know. Oh, and they just looked and they were like, hi, what can I get you? I was like, well, I'll get a popcorn. And they were like, great, sweet or salty? And I was like, butter. Sweet or salty? They put sugar or salt on their popcorn. They have never put, I was like, you don't put butter.

And they're like, no. I'm like, you just put salt or sugar straight on your popcorn. And then that's it? There's no – It's not like cinnamon sugar? No. It's not those shakers, like the ketchup shakers? So get this.

So I went home and I bought a popcorn maker and I made my second cousin's popcorn like I know it with like – But they wouldn't let you put butter on it. No, I put butter on it. I put butter with salt, and they made their dad go buy them a popcorn maker, and they make it all the time. And you know what? I'm going to bring them back those flavored shakers, and I'm going to be like, do you see what exists out there?

Do you see what exotic flavors I bring to you? Taste the ketchup. You're going to have to fill it in little balloons and swallow it to get it past customs. I don't think... I've actually never used those shakers. No, no one does, but I just want... We don't need to here. We've got butter.

You can put whatever you want on popcorn here. That's what I want to teach the world. Yeah. Well, man, that's the kind of cultural exchange. I didn't know you couldn't get butter on popcorn, that's the kind of cultural exchange. I didn't know you couldn't get butter on popcorn. What's the point? It's so archaic to me.

I can't even. So it's just dry. Your throat is harsh by the end of it. Yes. So did you have sweet or salty? Or did nothing? I went salty. I am not a sweet fan.

I go salty. But also you can't get soda there. They just give you tea. You can get tea and unbuttered popcorn. It's the most miserable movie experience. You have to sit on a wooden bench

in the theater. It's that cold. We don't have butter. We put mayonnaise on your popcorn. That wouldn't be bad. Yeah. If you were given a spoon or some chopsticks. In Italy, they do olive oil. I wouldn't be surprised.

That wouldn't be bad. That wouldn't be bad at all. But just that they haven't come up with an alternative. Yeah, just salt. The butter is what holds the salt to the thing. Makes it delicious. It's what? The butter is the glue.

Yeah, it's like you've got to put glue on before you put glitter on. Yes, I agree. Yeah, because then the salt just goes to the bottom. But it doesn't somehow. It must be the oil that they use to make the popcorn, and they put the seasoning in, I think. How did it taste? It was gross.

Yeah. It was not what you wanted it to be. Refund, please. I was so angry. You're refunding a movie theater. I tried your popcorn. Not a fan. I hate it. So give me back my three pounds.

Yeah, not only was it not good, it wasn't fun. Oh, it just ruined the experience. I tried to cut a hole in the bottom of it and just salt get a... Got everywhere. Oh, I had a thing. I have a question. Now that it's the first episode of 2013, are either of you the kind of people who make

New Year's res-ballutions? Oh, where I decide to live more like John Belushi. Or Jim. Like to do more cocaine. Oh my god, that's so funny. Record a blues album. Right? Both of them did that.

Both John and James. James is more of like a live performer. Yeah, that's true. Do you? Do you do? I don't really do resolutions per se, but I do kind of you really think you should think about

what it is holistically you want to like. What it is. Yeah, Leprechaun in the Hood. So listen to my jive. I bet Leprechaun in the Hood, does he do a lot of convoluted handshakes?

No, I mean nobody wants to shake his hand no no one wants to touch him oh he's not a fun leprechaun no no no he still murders people it kills you they're after his gold his lucky charms yeah he'll smoke a bong with you and then stab you in the heart with it that's right i think that actually that is exactly what happens in the movie in the hood that's what happens you really did see it i love you so so much. Of course I did see it. Holistically. My New Year's resolution, which is so funny. You're talking about cocaine.

Sure, absolutely. My New Year's resolution was to start doing holistic cocaine. Holistic lines of cocaine. Organic cocaine. This sounds so cheesy. But whatever. Try and live within the moment. Not worry about what you're going to do next to, this sounds so cheesy and yeah, but whatever, but try and like live within the moment, right? Not worry about

like what you're going to do next or what did happen. Just like a little bit enjoy just being present. Alright, that's fine. I'm a bit of a worrier. I'm a worrier so I'm trying not to worry, I guess, more or less is what it is. Just like... Just whatever, man. Just for like a year.

Let's see what happens. A little bit, right? Just... And not... That's wise, to sort of choose something like that. That is... Not a specific. Yeah. You can't do specifics. I want to be more this way. Yeah. I want to be more... Able to

shoot across. Asian. Because you should always be, again... Not shoot an Asian. Be more Asian. Oh, I see. It's deep and ridiculous, but you should be changing as a person, so always look at it like big things rather than specifics. Because if you go specifics, you'll be able to be like, oh, I didn't get that done. Bad me.

Like, you can punish yourself too quickly. Bad me. Bad me. I don't know how often you say that, but... I like to set a resolution that has to be done by week two of january and if i haven't achieved it then i just uh quit quit your gym yeah exactly oh yeah that's easy right i can do that on the third uh have you ever joined a gym that was hard to quit no i got out of it uh pretty quick by By crying? It helps.

That's all I'm saying. Oh, sure. Absolutely. Someone got really, and I won't get too sidetracked, but I actually wrote that on my Facebook. Because right now, New Year, it's all advertisements for like either you're fat or you're lonely. Right? Like those are the two things. Right on both counts, Facebook.

Lose some weight. Relationship status. Fat and lonely. Fat and lonely. Inhip status. Yeah. Bad and lonely. Bad and lonely. In deeps of depression. So it was like, that's all the advertisements are. You know, weight loss, weight loss, and like, find someone, find someone. And so I put on my Facebook, and I don't do statuses, but I was like, this is funny to me.

I was like, oh, the new year, so many advertisements about like dating and weight loss. Hard to know which ones I'll have quit in the new year or like what gym or I forget exactly what. And someone was like, ha ha, yeah, I've done them all. And someone else was like, me too, diets don't work, go to hell. And I was like, you know, everyone. And then someone got really adamant and they were like, Weight Watchers works, give it a go.

It's not about the diet. It's about the individual and the commitment and persistence and i was like okay delete come on like what are you doing don't get all i'm glad you lost weight on weight watchers but don't be like it's all about the individual was that friend weightwatchers.com yeah was that friend jennifer hudson yeah it was christina aguilera uh is she on weight watchers she she looks great she looks great i think she looks great it's hard to remember who's doing i hadn't seen her for a long time and i saw her and i was like oh there's christine well yeah there's christine yeah but there's a lot more of her which is great it's she's great yeah for sure i celebrate you

christina me too i want to be like i'm like why am I so judgmental of that? I should be on board with that. But I'm like, well, look at Christina. And then I was like, no, she looks great. And her pink hair just suits her. She's a big listener of the show. A big listener. Oh, come on. She looks great.

I think she looks great. The only resolution I've come up with, and I think I can be talked out of it, when I go to a restaurant, I'm only going to get what's on special. Oh. Ooh. That's the reaction everyone's giving me. Because everyone's like, oh, I've worked in restaurants. The special is what's going bad.

Yeah. And not only what's going bad, it's what they ordered too much of and people don't like. Yeah, man. Don't do that to yourself. Why would you? I thought it was because it was special. Yeah. Well, I mean.

Because I want to be nicer to waiters. And I always ignore them when they're reading the special. I'm like, maybe I should. I think a waiter or waitress should say, do you want to hear today's specials? And then you say yes or no. Oh, I think that's. Yeah, because what they usually do is just got a few specials for you and you've already made up your mind. And so you have to sit there and make eye contact with this person.

Yeah, but isn't that part of the reason why in Canada you tip them well? What? Because they're specials? But they just made you have to sit through their thing. Well, if they say the specials, they ask you what you want, and then you tip them lots of money, so. Yeah, no, you tip them well. Do you not tip in England?

No, they don't tip at all. What? They do a little bit. Certainly, because there's no real service. There's no like they don't come to your table and like. You go in the kitchen. Hey, Gordon Ramsay. Spaghetti me.

You go to the bar a lot of times and order and then they like bring it to you. Okay. Yeah, so there's less service. Oh, yeah. That's unlike a restaurant where you order and they bring it to you. Okay. Yeah, so there's less service. Oh, yeah. That's unlike a restaurant where you order and they bring it to you. No, but you're right because you don't tip a bartender in England.

In England. Oh, no. Yeah, you don't. You don't. In Canada... You tip everything. Yeah, bartenders have a lower minimum wage. Except for salespeople.

Because it's expected that they'll make a lot on tips. Yeah, bartenders have a lower minimum wage. Except for salespeople. Because it's expected that they'll make a lot on tips. Yeah, it's really tipping in a lot of ways is enabling restaurateurs to not pay their staff properly. Yeah, so you know what Canada should do? Tell me more. Stop tipping. I didn't mean that. That was a joke. I just want to say that out loud i'm gonna have every like server in the world be like that's a good new year's resolution no more tipping

send me some big bucks yeah yeah here's the thing that is like no more tipping the scales because they of justice what oh no oh nuts yeah so your new year's resolution sounds doable yeah

it's gonna be like a daily weekly overall you can fuck up that's no problem you gotta be able to be like a daily, weekly... Just an overall... You can fuck up. That's no problem. You've got to be able to just like... What are you going to do? Overall, I know I've just got to keep... Keep on swimming. Keep on swimming.

One day at a time. Like those people that swim across the English Channel. Just take it one day at a time. One sugar time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's cool. You?

I don't think I have. I didn't make any. I mean, I'm trying, I mean, there's all sorts of areas. Think of it holistically right now. Is there anything that like...

Yeah, like what in general... What do you hate about you? Yeah, that's all I'm asking. What are your worst qualities? Oh, man. Go. Oh, man. Don't reply to qualities? Go. Oh, man. Don't reply to emails.

Go. Don't reply to emails. Someone else was just talking about that the other day. I was like, oh, yeah, I'm really bad at like... That's why I was even saying to you guys, I was like, I should have even ahead of time been like... So as soon as you emailed, I was like, yes. I was like, look at me getting stuff done. Yeah, getting emails.

Receiving, responding. I'm all about it. That's pretty good. Yeah, I mean, every year, don't you just feel like you just want to get your shit together? Like, isn't that the overarching, right? Like, you can break it down into little compartments. Into areas that you'll focus on. Yeah, but really, it's like, your shit's fucked. But that's pretty general.

You're a hot ass mess. Yeah. Right? And by the end of the year you want to be like something respectable. You hope that this is it. But is there like, okay, so I think that's the overall life. I think that's life, right? Sure.

Like you're a mess, get it together. Once you realize that's the point of living, you're fine. Oh, well then, great. But aspects, is there the point of living, you're fine. Oh, well then, I'm great. But aspects, is there any aspect this year that you're like, ah, maybe I'll work on returning videos on time? Oh, yeah. Sure. Oh, sure.

I think I would like to be in some kind of... I'm in bad shape. Oh, so you are a shape person. You're like, alright, I'll look into that. Yeah, like, I'm not going to join a gym because I've done that before, and I look ridiculous in the gym. I look like Teen Wolf. I put on shorts and a t-shirt.

So I've got to find some outdoor activity. Teen Wolf, by the way, in fantastic shape. Oh, absolutely. He was. So I think I might start riding a bike or something that's, you know, like. You live in Vancouver. You should just do that, right? Yeah.

Is it the seawall? Is that what people do? I don't know. Come on. Don't pretend like you didn't live here. How do you know it's the seawall? What is popular here? Jen Grant and Erica Sigurdsson, comedians, hysterical.

Yeah. Jen Grant was my roommate. Erica and J.Pp mass lived next door next door to us and they would now and again try to be like all hey you want to run on the seawall like and i was like oh no i don't like but i did why don't you take a long run off a short seawall i gave her a go i fucking hated every moment of it I hated it so much I tried to be like I'm positive

within three minutes I was like I hate this experience this is all this is foul I'm glad you're here to watch me hate this this feels bad

yeah I don't like it I could hate this on my own I don't need you around I hated it yeah what is that Tyler Perry

I can do bad all by myself yeah exactly yeah that's my New Year? I can do bad all by myself? Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, that's my New Year's resolution, to do bad all by myself. All by myself. It's safer that way. Good for you.

I think that's a good one. Thank you. Embrace it. And my New Year's resolution is Madea goes to jail. I'll see her hanged for her crimes. It's good years, guys. It's going to be good years. So that's what's me.

Do you have anything that's your life? Oh, that's been going on? Yeah. What's your get to know us? Oh, boy. I had something, you know? I had something in my head, and then... You have something on your head.

You've got a long hair. I just noticed the other day your hair is catching up with your beard. Yeah. your head you've got a i just noticed the other day your hair is catching up with your beard yeah and i wanted to let you know if at any point you want us to stop doing this podcast forever yeah all you have to do is put your hair in a ponytail oh that's the sign yeah that's the sign yeah i faked dave out at an airport uh once where i was holding it in a ponytail and dave nearly uh he almost started crying it was great yeah yeah because he was like I can't

I won't I can't I won't he just kept repeating those words I refuse he's even got to look at his face just remembering it so funny

no not funny I do not accept yeah yeah yeah it's funny what did I do I went home

and it was were you in Calgary I was in Calgary yeah and it was super Were you in Calgary? I was in Calgary, yeah. And it was super cold. Freezing. And I hate it. You know, because that's...

Because we're the same hometown. I just want to say that. That's right. Were you in Calgary as well? Yeah, I was. I wish I would have known that. We could have escaped together. We're escaping right now.

We are escaping. We're on holiday. For ourselves, right? I, yeah, like I just... It was like minus 23 when the plane landed. Oh, that's not a human degree. No, I know. And I, on the plane, and I don't usually do this. I mean, I do swear, but I don't usually.

Like when we landed, they said, current temperature outside is minus 23. I was like, ah, fuck. And there were kids around and all sorts of stuff. I was so mad you didn't know that it's a two hour flight you couldn't have checked no

because it was first thing in the morning and I just I mean the fact that I got to the airport was great how early how early in the morning

did you have to get there because there was only a couple buses leaving because it was Christmas day I had to leave my house at 7. So, right? Horrible. Horrible, you guys.

And then, yeah, thank you. There was a lot of people, a lot more people than I've ever seen before with little dogs on the plane. Like, there was at least half a dozen dogs on a plane. And that's not... Probably Christmas presents. Oh, sure. on the plane. There was at least half a dozen dogs on a plane. Probably Christmas presents. Oh, sure. They often say that, the SPCA. Give a dog for Christmas. It's the best idea.

Take it to a cold place. There was a lady... I've never seen a lady like this. There was a lady at the airport that had... She was probably about six foot tall, almost, and a bodybuilder, and was wearing an outfit that would let you know upon looking at her that she was a bodybuilder. Okay, let me guess this outfit. A muscle shirt.

Yeah, but like a Lululemon fit, super fitted, so you could see her giant arms. And then Zuba's pants. Oh, I don't know what a Zuba's pants is. Are they the puffy, colorful ones? They're sort of the colorful, puffy pants. Weightlifter pants. Oh, no. She had on, I think, maybe also Lululemon pants.

And then crazy boots. Like crazy, like a dominatrix would wear kind of like high super lace like a wrestler dominatrix are you serious really and she wasn't she didn't have a jacket with her and she had a tiny little dog that was like what was it a regular size dog that seemed tiny because it was a tiny dog that seemed even tinier because she was so huge. Yeah. It was like her iPhone and dog were the same size. Wow.

And she had her hair, like her hair was down like... Was her hair permanently wet? Was it ringlets that never dry? She was... Oh my God, that's so funny. she was she had like long completely like a the straightest blackest hair like not one hair out of place and she was wearing it like uh kind of like i dream of genie style sure like it was like crazy piled up on top of her hair and then this crazy ponytail coming down but it was like uh like it was molded out of wax you know there was no stray hairs or anything

and uh like in a uh an asian food restaurant when they have all the food that's like lacquered yeah and they've got noodles that are uh uh coming up and like uh chopsticks suspended in midair pulling noodles out of a plate yeah are you thinking of Tony Little's hair? Oh, yeah. Oh, Tony Little. Do you remember him? He was the gentleman who did some kind of workout product. Yes. He was in a car accident. Yes.

Put on a bunch of weight. Yes. Then he lost it using this miracle system. Boom. Exactly. What did he have? It was like a ski thing, right? That was his second thing.

That was his second thing. It was like the, it wasn't the anteloper, but it was like. Yeah, it was the anteloper. The interloper. Yeah. That's the one word I got accurate this whole interview. The anteloper. Yeah.

This is a great interview. And what was his first product? The cantaloupe. He was more about eating healthy. Was it something on the floor? His original name was Susan Power. Oh, Susan Powder. Powder.

Stop the insanity. Oh, I watched a... There was a thing on 60 Minutes about her where they caught up with Susan Powder. Oh, she's very fast. She's not done great. Oh, really? Did she embrace the insanity? Did she start

the insanity? She lost all that money, somehow, that she made with that product. Annie Lennox haircut. Yeah, she doesn't have that anymore. She has long hair, and she lives in a trailer, I think, in the desert, kind of like something out of Kill Bill. Like a lizard.

Yeah, like Hancock in the desert, kind of like something out of Kill Bill. Like a little lizard. Wow. Yeah. Like Hancock, the Will Smith character. So anyways, yeah. So that's what she's doing now. She embraced it. Yeah. That's crazy. I wonder if you ranked all of those kinds of people, like people who are famous for infomercials or weird products, who is doing the best?

Like maybe Tony Robbins is up top. Billy Blanks is doing well. But he does not have a relationship with his son. His son is trying to start his own brand. It's like a dancing thing. And he has no association with his son.

Tony Robbins we don't know. Missing in action. Tony Robbins, I think, is still... Wasn't he sued recently because a bunch of people got burned walking on coals? Oh, yes. Yeah, probably. But they know those coals are going to be hot. Yeah.

Yeah, that's the idea. Yeah. And then who else? Tony Little, we don't know about. Although I think I may have seen him on the Home Shopping Network recently. That's what I watch. Who are the other ones? Ron Popeil.

Ron Popeil, yeah. He's probably doing great. Yeah, absolutely. Spraying on hair, dehydrating things, rotisserie-ing a chicken, making pasta. Yeah, he was always fine. I think one of his big kind of things he spends a lot of time on is being super litigious. I think he sues a lot

of people and that's how he makes a lot of his money. Really? He sued the Denver Broncos for sounding too much like Ronco. Yeah, he also sued the Sun for dehydrating grapes. I don't know who else there is.

You know, there was that guy who died, so he's dead. Oh, yeah, Slap Chop, or Billy Mays. Billy Mays. There's Vince the Slap Chop guy. Oh, I met Vince the Slap Chop guy. So did Graham. Did you? Yeah.

I met him at Just for Laughs. Where did you meet him? Just for Laughs. Just for Laughs. Just for Slaps. Just for slaps. Just for slaps. He was so wasted. He was like one-eyed, shut, drunk, and like was, I got a picture of him, and he was like

looking at the camera. I'm like, this is awesome. Vince Papil. Yeah. He's not Vince Papil. Sorry, which one is he? Vince the Slap Job Guy. This is fantastic.

I'm loving it. Oh, lordy. Guys, do you want to move on to overheards? Yes. Overheard. Overheards. Things when you're out and about in the world, you're listening.

You're overhearing. Oh, man. It's as good as it gets in terms of things you can do with your brain and ears. Absolutely. Either that or memory games, but audible ones. That's what makes

overheards so... Shut up, Dave! Because it's time in the show for the very first installment of 2013 of a segment we call Hulk Hogan News. Oh, I thought it was going to be a new segment for 2013. You would be wrong! Randy

Macho Man Savage News. Still there. Still deceased. Oh, I wish Elizabeth I love Randy Macho Man Savage news. Still there. Still deceased. Oh, I wish Elizabeth I love Randy Macho Man Savage. He was the best. Miss Elizabeth is what

that love triangle is what brought me into the WWF. I think that's what got the girls hooked. You were briefly in the WWF. Tell me about that.

Yeah, for a while. Actually, I was not in the WWF. I was in GLOW, Gorgeous Ladies of Wales. Oh, yeah. I was in GLOW. Dave and I's personal favorite. I wanted to be, what Gorgeous Ladies of War. Oh, yeah. Yes. Glow. David and I's personal favorite.

I wanted to be, what was it, Miss Daisy? I think she rode in on a horse. I was like, how fucking cool is that? Riding Miss Daisy. But seriously,

it's time for Hulk Hogan news. Oh, it's a Hulk Hogan news? It's a Hulk Hogan news. Here we go now. During the holiday season. It's Hulk Hogan news. Hulk Hogan news? It's a Hulk Hogan news. Here we go now. During the holiday season. Hulk Hogan news. It's Hulk Hogan news. Hulk Hogan news.

News. News. W-S. Rip up your shirt and that's what you do. Here we go. Hulk Hogan opened a restaurant in Tampa Bay, Florida. I've heard it described by a different word. Oh, a breastaurant.

Right. Because. They all look like his daughter. Yeah. Who looks like him. It's true. It's, you know, we got a lot of thank you listeners for sending in the information. Do keep

in mind, I scour the internet on a daily or semi-daily basis. Semi-daily is every half day or twice daily? Every two days. Yeah, yeah. Bi-daily would be every two days. Semi-daily would be twice a day?

Semi-daily would be every couple of days. Time daily. Yeah, is a special feeling that Graham has. So what Graham is saying is thanks, but no thanks. You don't need to send in updates for Hulk Hogan news. But really, thanks. But no thanks. I'm going to be the

bad guy here. You can be the face, but I'm going to be... You're going to be the heel. I'm going to be the muscle. So, he opens this restaurant, open it on New Year's Eve, hundreds and hundreds of people show up. Big success.

I want to congratulate him. Why is it a restaurant? Oh, because it's going to be like Hooters. There's going to be a lot of lovely ladies. Okay. Yeah. Uh, the glorious, uh, it's going to be gloss. The glorious ladies of serving.

Yeah. I mean, it was gorgeous. It was gorgeous. Gorgeous ladies of waitressing. That's amazing. That's great. That's great. That's great. We're all doing some great work here.

There was weird footage from the Tampa Bay News where Hulk Hogan showed up and he was like... He was in blackface. He was a masquerade ball, so he's wearing one of those, you know, Tom Cruise... He was wearing... Eyes wide shut sex masks. Ultimate warrior mask. And he kept pretending he wasn't Hulk Hogan. I don't know.

I didn't like that. He pretended he was Brooke. My dad's opening a new restaurant. Hulk, we know it's you. So that was the big news that everybody knew. But there was a great Hulk Hogan moment that happened to me personally. Oh. Courtesy of my boss and friend at the video store, Jessica.

I was over at her house. And at some point, she was like, did I ever tell you about my baby pictures from when she was a baby? And I was like, no. And she's like oh i'll go find them and she brought out a uh album and it was all you know pictures of her mom in the delivery room and uh her father had double exposed the film and so all of her baby pictures are are overlaid with pictures of a Hulk Hogan wrestling match. Wow. Oh, that's amazing. So you can clearly see it's Hulk Hogan.

He's doing the cup to the ear thing. He's lifting a guy up for body slamming, and they're all over top of her first day on Earth pictures. How far away are those pictures from? I would say they're like, you know, not in the nosebleeds, but certainly on the floor. Okay. And you can definitely make out that it's Hulk Hogan. You can see the whole ring. Wow.

And the lights and everything. Wondrous. Yeah, it's pretty amazing. So, she shared that with me. Now I wanted to share that with the world. That's great. So there you go. That's all the Hulk Hogan news that's fit to print. Amazing. Yeah. It's a Hulk Hogan news. It's a Hulk Hogan news.

Now time for overheards. For real. We always like to start with the guest. And Allison said, I brought an overheard. I didn't even have to tell you. Yeah, I was excited. Okay, so it was around Christmas time. And I was in a store. And there was a toy section.

And I guess something had gone on. Like, obviously, there had been some like kerfuffle with this couple and the kids. And all I saw was like the kids being rushed off by another adult down the aisle and the wife just turning to the husband and looking at the husband and going, don't tell her the truth. And I was like, wow. Whatever just happened there. I think that's a motto in life you're probably gonna have to keep up when it comes to that shot don't tell her the truth and i was like that's a real insight into what that child's about to experience the truth will not set you free don't tell her the truth like looking was there a santa in the store i don't think so i don't know

i feel like my instinct was it was about like, I don't know what, but it had to have been in the toy section. Maybe she saw a toy that she wanted or I don't know, but it was a violent and it was exciting to see. Oh, we can't get that toy because I'm allergic to plastic. Don't tell her the truth. Kids are addicted to the

truth and they want to know the truth. They dig more than any investigative reporter. You know why? Because they can handle it. Yeah, absolutely they can handle it. Kids can handle the truth. They can handle the truth.

They're like the Piers Morgan of ages. My brother's kids, he put them both, like set them both up on Amazon with an Amazon wish list for Christmas. Oh, that's a new thing. Oh, my God. What are you doing? There were 500 items on both of them. Yeah. Because it was like, oh, yeah, I want that.

I want that. Of course I want that. I want that. Which makes it hard to shop. Yeah. So you want the whole Amazon, okay, catalog. Oh, you want every toy on Amazon? Oh, no problem. I'm glad I know what you want the whole Amazon catalog? Yeah. Oh, you want every toy on Amazon? Oh, no problem.

I'm glad I know what you want now. I'm going to get you the dream house, but not the Barbie. You're going to have a sad, empty dream house haunted. That's one of the lyrics from Alanis Morissette's Ironic, right? Sad, empty dream house. Without a Barbie. Like a dream house. I want a Barbie. Sorry, everyone. I had to. I a Barbie. Like a dream house. I want

a Barbie. Sorry, everyone. I had to. I had to. Don't apologize. Dave, over her. Mine is also from a store. This one, grocery. Oh, nice. I was in the grocery store in the produce department, and there were

a couple of women in their I'd say late 30s who were too old for this kind of nonsense oh okay yeah ladies who lunch and they were uh walking around and uh they had walked from one area to another area in the produce section and uh one of them said to the other let's do it okay let's do it. And then so they walked back and I just saw they walked up to this one like squash that looked like a penis.

Yes. And she just took a picture of it. That's awesome. Come on, let's do it. Just do it. Just do it. We've been talking about this all morning.

We've been in this grocery store for three hours walking around this penis. Take a picture. It'll last longer. It literally will. That gourd will be dead soon. Just like your friend gourd.

Which one was going to go back later and buy it? That's what I want to know. Yeah, to make a sexy dinner. To make some sexy tempura. Yeah. Yeah. With the, like, aren't there noodles that come, like, in the shape of genitals or something? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there's penis pasta. Yeah. There's penis pasta. But, like, what is that? Does it taste? Yeah, it tastes like penis. Okay, there we go. Thank you.

Exactly like penis. No, I meant, like, is it made by a novelty company that doesn't know how to make pasta? Or is it made by a pasta company that doesn't understand novelty? I don't think you can buy it at a regular store. You have to buy it. You can't buy it where you buy regular pasta. No. So you're buying foodstuffs at a store that primarily sells sex stuff.

Or gag gifts. Oh, yeah, gag gifts. Oh, yeah, gag gifts. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, like San Francisco. Yeah. Remember San Francisco? Is San Francisco still a thing? I don't know.

It used to be in the South Center Mall, I remember. I know. In Calgary? Yeah, for a fact it's not in the South Center Mall. It was in the Lansdowne Mall in Richmond, British Columbia. Yeah. You could buy a shirt that said, you know, Wine and Dynamite 69. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You could buy a shirt that said, you know, wine, I'm dying, I'm 69.

Yeah, they had like a novelty section and then they had the adult novelty. So funny, that's where I learned my life motto. Yeah. I've been wondering all these years where I got that. I thought it was grandma and then I was like, was it my mom? Which grandma? Oh, guys. Graham, do you have an mom? Or witch grandma. Oh, guys. Graham, do you have an overheard? I do.

Oh, okay. Mine comes from being in Calgary during the holidays. My parents and I went out for a walk because we've been in the house for days. And so we're going to go walking out. Walk the golf course. Yeah. We're going to go walk just in the neighborhood.

And so it was super quiet. There was nobody else out anywhere. And we could hear somebody in their house yelling on the phone, like, clear as day. We could hear their side. We thought it was a fight, but then we realized you could only hear her side. And then there was a pause, and then her side again. So we stopped and listened, because it sounded like a fight and we were waiting to see if like do we need to call the police or whatever are we gonna see a show yeah yeah exactly we're gonna see

something fly out a window yeah and uh the snippet was uh the the real takeaway from it was, the woman yelled, I'm a human being! Pause. Well, why did you marry me then? I thought you were the elephant man. Yeah. Wow, that was an intense holiday discussion. Yeah, that was Boxing Day. Oh, yeah.

That's Boxing Day, all right. That. Yeah, that was Boxing Day. Oh, yeah. That's Boxing Day already. That's the day you call Boxing Day. Did you guys do any Boxing Day shopping? No. No, not this year. Any Boxing Day yelling? Yes. Yeah.

I got in this phone call with this woman while my parents were walking down the path. With your wife. Yeah. My wife and I fight a lot. She's all right. Up the street, there was a guy losing his mind a couple weeks ago. His kids were in the yard, and he was just like, it was 8 o'clock on a Sunday morning. I was walking up to get a coffee, and the guy was like, I got one more case! Just screaming his head off. Like, neighbors across the street opened their windows and were like, shut up!

Like, no one can help you. Oh, man. So I like rage. Yeah, oh, rage is, you know, whether done against a machine or not. Rage, with the help from a machine or not. Rage with the help from a machine. Now, we also have overheards that have been sent in to us by people hither and thither and yawn. If you want to send in overheards, you can send them in to StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com. And a couple of these have a holiday tinge to them

because they're from around that time but they're not exclusively. People will deal with it. They better. This comes from Tony M. This is from a co-worker. You think it's Scarface? Yeah. Tony Montana? Yeah. He signs off his email with, then you get the women.

Then you get the women. Then you get the women. Tony Manta. Say goodbye to my little friend. So this is from a co-worker. Her kids in her class did their favorite holiday recipes.

And he sent a few along. These are actual photos of the pages in the book. Like, this is a recipe for macaroni and cheese. A holiday favorite. Yeah. So you have one and a half packages of melted cheese and a gallon of pasta. You put the pasta and the melted cheese in the oven at hot, 29 degrees.

29 degrees? For 20 minutes. Then you take it out of the oven, then you put it on the table. That's it. Oh, I love these. Yeah, yeah. This is Uncle Greg's famous chicken. You will need a thing of chicken.

One thing of chicken. Probably a half bowl of flour to dip the chicken in. Four or five eggs. Half bag of breadcrumbs. You put it in a big pan. You cook it in the stove for ten minutes at probably the middle degrees. And serving suggestion, you could dip it in some ketchup. That's not bad.

That's actually like, yeah, it sounds like you need breadcrumbs. I didn't know you needed breadcrumbs for anything. Yeah, no, me neither. I'm like, wow. That's true. Yeah. So this kid was, yeah. Watches.

Watches the mom make this chicken. Yeah. When I was a kid, breadcrumbs were for feeding to pigeons. This kid's. Not for coating them. This kid's ingredient list for gingerbread cookies is a spoon, two tablespoons of sugar, one cup of water, one cup of ginger. Delicious. Yeah.

Gingerbread cookies are the greatest. Oh, my God. They're so good. But they are very difficult, or like very involved to make. Let me tell you, kid. Are they? I've never made them. Oh yeah, it's a process. Wow. More than any other cookie. Yeah, absolutely. Some cookies

make themselves. Yeah. Yeah, those kids... Yeah, these kids' recipes sound like one bag cookies. One container of heat. Yeah, these kids' recipes sound like one bag cookies. One container of heat. So this is gingerbread men.

The ingredients are... Is this another recipe for gingerbread? Yeah, another. That was just for gingerbread cookies. These are for the men. Gingerbread men, six bags of flour, four soy milks. Vegan, vegan family. men, six bags of flour, four soy milks. Vegan. Vegan family. First you have to get a little of the dough and make

it into a gingerbread man. Then you put it in the oven for 13 hours at 14 degrees. You really want it falling off the gingerbread bones. He wants his gingerbread tender. He likes it when it's real. And if you have more dough, you can make a gingerbread house. He likes it when it's real.

And if you have more dough, you can make a gingerbread house. Only if you have dough left over, though. Yeah. Absolutely. Okay. So we also have another kind of holiday-themed one. This comes from Colin S. in New York. I was sitting in a Thai restaurant eating lunch today and overheard a man at a table nearby telling another guy

about his son. He said we asked him to write a letter to Santa but instead of a list he wrote Dear Santa, is God real? Yes or no? Don't lie. Oh man! Wow!

That kid has really put you in a delicate paradox he is but he's dead oh man yeah dear Santa it's me Margaret yeah are you there Santa love it

wow that is weird well because it's you know you're like I only want to deal with I only want to have this one conversation one at a time

I don't want to you know like also if the kid wanted to be like P.S. where do babies come from it's just like well I mean

I would be like oh Santa's not real so we can't answer the God thing yeah ask your mother yeah that's that would be my I would check it out Santa's not real so we can't answer the God thing. Yeah. Ask your mother. Yeah.

That would be my... I would check it out and just be like, yeah. Ask your mother? That's what Santa would write back? Yeah. Ask your mother. Santa spells it in present.

I don't know what Santa... Santa doesn't really leave messages. No. He's not a big message leaver. No. He texts. He'll take most of a cookie. Yeah. He'll leave a big message leaver. He texts. He'll take most of a cookie. Yeah.

He'll leave a little crumbs, just so you know. He'll use your toilet. What if that was just incidentally part of the like... Mythology? Yeah. Like it was like, make sure you leave him out a snack, but also make sure there's toilet paper and like, you know, a scent of candy or something. You'll know Santa was there

because he'll leave the seat up yeah leave a magazine for him he will fill in there will be a candy cane floating in the toilet in the morning and leave carrots

for the the reindeer the reindeer oh yeah I remember when we were little I think we used to do that yeah and really

you're leaving carrots for your parents who haven't who've been eating cookies all December. Or for the rabbit that they employ to help out around Christmas. The Christmas bunny. The Easter bunny, yeah.

This last one, short and sweet. It's from Ryan D., sitting at a bar in League City, Texas. Hey, Kid Rock has helped a lot of people. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Especially that. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Especially that one summer. Absolutely.

Yeah. I didn't know how to, uh, bah with my, bah-da-bah. Oh, bah with da bah. Yeah. Not bah without da bah. Yeah. Da-bang-da-dang. Diggy, diggy, diggy.

That's what the boogie set up. Chuck, the boogie. Mm-hmm. My name is Kid... I like his lyrics. What was that? Kid Rock I like his lyrics. What was that? Kid Brock. Brock.

Yeah. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept overheards that are telephoned in. We've got the phone. You've got the digits. Let's make lots of money. Yeah. If you would like to call us, it's 206-339-8328. Like these people here.

Hey, Dave and Graham and lovely guests. It's Sarah calling from Vancouver. I haven't overseen for you that I just saw. I was stopped at a red light next to some road construction on my way home today, and it was dark out, so there were people directing traffic with these light-up traffic wands. And while I was there, one of the construction workers came over, and after some goofing around, he grabbed one of their traffic wands and proceeded to hold it like his penis and masturbate towards traffic. The woman he took it from was very unhappy and snatched it back from him.

Thanks, guys. Bye. Thank you. That's a great visual. Construction workers, keeping it real. Yeah, keeping it Construction workers Keeping it real Keeping it fun Keeping it construction workery They're not trapped in there They're not going to advance

One guy holds up the baton Like a penis and then all the other guys whistle at it Yeah Here's your next phone call Hi Dave and Graham And guess if you got one This is Sam from Portland, Maine Here's your next phone call. Hi, Dave and Graham. And guess if you got one, this is Sam from Portland, Maine. I'm calling with an overheard.

I work at video stores sometimes like you, Graham, and sometimes also like you, funny shit happens. There was a woman who came in. She was really insistent on using the proper Spanish terminology when asking for the movie Volver. By terminology, I mean pronunciation. She said, Volver, Volver, Volver, calling her R's as much as possible. And when I asked who was in the movie, she said, Penelope Cruz. Yep, Penelope. Penelope.

Oh my God, I love Penelope Cruz. Did Tony Little come up with a Penelope Penelope Cantaloupe? Oh my god I love Penelope Did Tony Little come up With a Penelope He did He did It was an adult product Penelope

There was There's not even How could you Right? That's not a name I know but it's Spelled that way Yeah you're right

Penelope Cruz She looks Penelope Cruz. Ah, she looks... Penelope Cruz is how you would pronounce it. No, Penelope Cruz. Yeah, she knows how to roll the R's. Penelope Cruz. She's trying to be like a Sofia Vergara. A bronzon pincho.

Ah, pretty good stuff. Well, here is your final phone call of 2013. Hi, Dave Graham and probable guests. This is Teresa from Dustdale, and I'm calling in with an overheard. My nephew is five years old and is always saying crazy things. The other day, he was playing with a bunch crazy things. And the other day, he was playing with a bunch of his friends in the other room, and he said,

hey, guys, guys, I know what can get you in a lot of trouble. And so, obviously, my ears perked up, and I didn't listen to what he was up to. And he says, when the zombies are around, and you run away and leave your family.

Oh, man. Yeah, that's a grounding at the very least. Wow. You ran away when the zombies showed up. Bit to bed with no dinner tonight. What kind of drills are they running in their house? I know there's fire drills, but then there's like,

now what do we do, kids? When the zombies show up, go. I know what really is going to rattle my dad's pot. When the zombies show up. Did you do drills at home? No, I remember getting taught that we should probably practice. Yeah, yeah. And dad should change the

battery in the smoke detector every once in a while. that we should probably practice. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and Dad should change the... Make sure it works. The battery in the smoke detector every once in a while. I remember now and again, I'd look out my window and be like, yeah, I could fit out of that. Like, you know, need be, I'll kick it through. Yeah. Well, that's true.

You kind of do. You run through kind of like, would I make it to the ground without breaking my leg? And the rest of my life, every time I touch a doorknob, I touch it real quick to make sure it's not hot. It's going to be hot. Yeah.

That's true. And I stay down. Hot. Yeah. That's true. And I stay down. Yeah. Stay low. Smoke rises. I'm always stopping, dropping, and rolling. Yeah. You put a blanket on the door?

At the door crack? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Good one. Good one. Absolutely. Yeah. That way no one can tell if you're smoking pot.

During a fire. Yeah. Be cool, man. Oh, man, look at the flames. Really makes you think. Oh, these flames are totally syncing up with Darks Island. I mean, it's too bad our record player

is melting. Or is it? Is there anybody out there? Oh, well, that really does bring us to the end of the show successfully um now allison yeah if people want to see you they want to see you abroad they want to see you here in canada uh where do they go where they go to find out more about you online oh okay uh well i have a website i say that so i'm very proud now what is that now i'd say uh it's a place where you go and online oh sorry like you're standing it online at the bakery do you take a number for this thing mmhmm mmhmm um

your website is Allison A-L-L two L's and a Y A-L-L-Y-S-O-N yeah junesmith.com AllisonJunesmith.com

yeah and do you have anything you're going back to Manchester yeah do you have gigs coming up yeah

yeah next week I'm in Nottingham at the at the Junglers in Nottingham. Is that Nottingham Shire? I think so. Now, Nottingham is a made-up place. Sitting near Sherwood Forest.

My boyfriend, Robin Hood. Oh, yeah. Friar Tom. Come around. Get married. We'll be spending the weekend together. It'll be fun. Yeah. Little John is the married. We'll be spending the weekend together. It'll be fun. Yeah.

Little John is the opening act. Yeah. He's great. I'm running out of Robin Hood things. I know. He's like a fox. Christian Slater. Sure.

Morgan Freeman. Yeah. Ryan Adams. Kevin Costner. Kevin Costner. Yeah. Absolutely. Alan.

Everything I do. Do you know that song Was number one on the charts Everything I do I do it for you Awful But that was exactly I'm just I know

Number one on the charts One of the longest Running number ones ever That's a fun trivia fact Just so you know Just so you know I don't just know About horror movies

You'll be in England and then you said three months from now two months from now no okay so it's quick I'm back and forth a lot so a few weeks in the UK

and then I'll come back to the Toronto area for a few weeks Toronto, Ontario, Canada yes and then back to the UK yeah so I'm back and forth a lot I'm back and forth

absolutely yeah you're hot then you're cold. You're yes, then you're no. Dave, anything? I don't know if this will be out yet. Well, if people haven't already listened, you and I appeared on an episode of International Waters.

Yes. The fun game show of America versus the world. We played the world. fun game show of America versus the world. We played the world. Also, I believe this will, I'm assuming this will be out, like months ago

when Mike Kaplan was our guest, we had him, he had us on his show, and he's like months and months backlogged. So we will, I assume that that episode of Mike Kaplan's podcast. Was it Hanging Out with Mike Kaplan? Hang Out with Me.

Hang Out with Me. Will be out. And also, by the time this is released, you will have... I don't know if that's getting recorded. Oh, okay. Sorry. Yeah, but I will have already been on another episode of Doug Loves Movies. You'll be coming a regular TJ Miller. A real Northwest regular.

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To check out the blog recap That Dave does each and every week Pictures and videos relating to the content Maybe Microwave Massacre If that's really the name of it I'm almost positive it is You might be a word off

I'm 1% off maybe What was it witch grandma grandma witch yeah witch grandma funky witch grandma and check out all the other podcasts available over at maximumfun.org if you want to get in touch with us

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