Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 268 - Cam MacLeod

Episode Date: May 6, 2013

Cam MacLeod returns to talk birthdays, cherry blossoms, and eye contact.

Stop Podcasting Yourself is supported by IFC presenting Marin, the new comedy based on the life and podcast of comedian Mark Marin. Marin presents a fictionalized version of Mark's life and relationships, including guest appearances from Judd Hirsch, Gina Gershon, and Adam Scott. Is it Gina Gershon? I want to say Gershon. Oh, sorry. Marin airs this Friday with guest star Dennis Leary at 10, 9 Central on IFC. Good. Denise Leary?

Am I saying these all wrong? Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 268 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who doesn't know about you, but he's feeling 22, Mr. Dave Shumka. You've got to help me with whatever that is.

Taylor Swift. Oh, really? Yeah. She doesn't? I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22. What's that from? Her song, 22. Oh, is it a new song?

Yeah. Is it from her album, Red? Yes. Okay. It's a song about feeling 22? How old is she for realsies? She is actually, guys, 41. She looks

great. She looks really great. Yeah, those CoverGirl cosmetics are working. She looks as young as fellow CoverGirl Queen Latifah. She uses like, you know, compact. She'll use a whole compact in just one morning. Like she goes through like

three or four compacts a day. Compact Preserios? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's all Photoshop all the time. Is that what a compact Preserios? A computer? Yeah, a computer. Although I don't know if they had Photoshop.

Really? How old is this computer we're talking about? I think it was a late 90s computer. Remember? Yeah. Yeesh. A time before Photoshop. What did they do? I guess they had Photoshop. There's Mario Paint.

Yeah, that's right. The modeling industry used Mario Paint. It's still good for songs. You can make songs with it. What, Mario Paint? Yeah. Wow. Man, what couldn't it do? Solve the Middle East conflict, that's what. It tried, though. It had a function.

Our guest today, the guy who brought up Mario... Cart. Paint. I don't even know what Mario Paint is. We'll get into it. But first, very funny sketch performer, improviser, like impresario, I would say. A guy who produces shows. Compact presario.

A compact presario. In human form. Mr. Cam McCloud is our guest. Hi. Thank you for coming. Thank you very much for having me. I'm so excited to be back here. That was amazing.

Yeah. That we said two things in such short order that sounded like Compact Rosario. A compact and an impresario. Yeah. It's been great. Should we just fold up shop? Yes, fold it. I can be folded up and put into a carry bag.

Oh, you know what else can? Oh, let's get to know us, you guys. The Compact Rosario. Get to know us. Okay, so Cam Yeah Here it is Here it is, here you are Hey guys

You showed up, you brought a gift Which is very kind For one of us Yeah, that's right Well Dave, it's both If you wanna, we can do a two day a week Like I have it for two days You have it for two days I have it for two days And then we switch on the other Saturdays Or Sundays Whatever day you want to, we can do a two-day a week. Like I have it for two days. You have it for two days.

I have it for two days. And then we switch on the other Saturdays or Sundays, whatever day you want it. I was thinking about bringing you something as well, but I was like, ah, he kind of has everything. Yeah, that's true. That's true. What do you get for the guy? Exactly. What do you get for the guy that has everything?

I was going to bring you a new pair of glasses, but you already have those. Yeah. He was going to bring you a couple of references to a compact Presario. Maybe you already did that. Yeah. I'm happy to bring you a couple references to a compact Presario. Maybe you already did that. Yeah. I'm happy with what I got. You brung Graham a gift. A WWF magazine from September 1989. World Wildlife

Fund. Yep. It's the panda issue. Their annual panda issue. That's when Big Panda was actually the reigning champion in the WWF. Now, is that a real thing? No. Oh.

Okay. Because I feel like that. Could have been a thing. That was like Yokozuna's character before he became Yokozuna. He was just Big Panda. He didn't wear like face paint that made him look like a panda, did he? Wow. No, no.

That's a lie as well. Okay. Wow. Yeah, that would have been racially insensitive. Exactly. Exactly. Was he Japanese, Yokozuna? He was Hawaiian.

He was Hawaiian, but his whole thing was that he was Japanese because there was that whole thing, the fight on the battleship. Remember that against Lex Luger? Luger. Not the supervillain. Yeah. The bald supervillain. The panda versus the penguin. So thank you very much.

I will treasure it always. What's new? What's happening? So much is going on. Really? Yeah, just, you know, hanging out on the street. Wait a minute. Those two things are opposites.

That was just my birthday last week. I'm 32 years old, and I feel... I don't know about you. Like a piece of gold. Really? How's 32? 32's great. Mm-hmm.

I'm really, really liking my early 30s. Just, uh, acting like I'm 23, reverse age. Oh, yeah. Going out to all the clubs, not feeling weird about it. When you were 31, were you acting like you were 13? Yes. Yes. And that wasn't such a good-

Getting bar mitzvahed. It wasn't a good year. I was like stealing a lot of candy from grocery stores. Renting video games from Blockbuster. Trying to. Yeah, good luck. Like standing outside, peering in, sadly. Is anyone mourning Blockbuster?

Are there people who – because we have – there's one in this neighborhood that's sat empty for two years. And it's still got all the kind of like Blockbuster paraphernalia. All the shelving. Yeah, all the shelving is still there. The slat board shelving. Does anyone go by and feel sad? Yeah. Well, there was a whole candlelight thing there forever.

Sitting up there. Oh, we are there. Yeah. Had a photo of Stay Puft Marshmallow Man surrounded by flowers. He was the most famous villain in the history of Blockbuster. Exactly. Video.

He was the most requested movie? Yeah. Do you have was the most requested movie? Yeah. Do you have the Stay Puft film? About the marshmallow guys. I want the Marshmallow Man movie. I want to know what's going to happen to all the empty Blockbuster videos. Because some of those, like there's one that's up on like Oak and 16th that is like a two-story kind of like a high-piece shaped building that could make, I don't know, a really nice country market or – Country market.

What if they just – like if the zoning was such that it's like you can put something else in there but you can't change the shelving. So like we've only zoned it to be a video store. Well, yeah. There's two in the city that have shut down and they haven't been replaced with anything in years. And they still, like, minus the videos, look like a blockbuster. Same color scheme and, like, the carpet is still in there. If you ever have a gas station and you close it, you can't build something on that land for a couple of years at least.

Now, what if you have an Indian burial ground? Can you build that? Oh, immediately. Build whatever you want. But don't bury any pets there. Oh, God. Or any human bodies. Or, yeah.

Because they'll come back in evil form. Don't misspell cemetery. That's what I'm saying. Doesn't that movie spell it with an S? Yeah. Pet symmetry? Yeah, pet symmetry. It's about very attractive pets that have symmetrical faces.

The ideal pet. Yeah. I'd really like it if someone took the blockbusters and just opened arcades in them. Just like take one form of media that's totally unusable and just fill it with like an arcade that's – We sell reel to reels. We're a photo developer. My idea for blockbusters was to make the movies that Blockbuster refused to rent. So like either have a porn area where like, oh, I'm a Blockbuster manager.

Or – They didn't have porn at Blockbuster? No, they did not. Roger's Video had porn. Ah, yes. I remember as a child going into Roger's Video. There's one in Maple Ridge where I grew up, and there was a castle like in the back of it. Like there was like this castle wall.

Oh, man, that's super attractive to a kid. And there was like a castle wall. Yeah, yeah. And right outside the castle walls was like the horror section. So I was always like in there like around like 11, 12, like age 11, 12, walking around, checking out all that. And then they had the swing doors, like the saloon style doors. Yeah, saloon doors where that was a feature at my local video store as well. There was always like the little like half-inch crack in between the doors.

I'd just walk by so slowly and just try and peer in and I'd catch like any sort of flesh. There might be a TV showing like a scrambled porn. slowly and just try and peer in and I catch like any sort of flesh. There might be a video show, a TV showing like a scrambled porn. Just for you to get a taste. That's all the videos you can rent is like the best of scrambled porn.

Yeah, what were the, like the saloon doors was a big one. The saloon door is the least privacy-keeping door in existence, right? Like, that's the most easy-to-see under, over, through. Yeah. There's kind of no, it's a door in name only. The beaded curtain was another divider. But that, like that makes a lot

of noise when you enter and exit. So does the saloon doors. It was like slapping the walls. Maybe that's the whole point. Just don't want people just wandering in and out. But like a kid, a small enough kid can just walk right under a saloon door.

Oh yeah, and they don't know better. They were looking for the castle area. Yeah, they were told there was a fun castle. And then was there ever... Did Blockbuster sell bumfights? No, they did not. That's the second part of my plan. Bumfights is like filming...

Yeah, it's the worst thing in the world. Homeless people fighting each other? OK. So that's – I mean staging the fights. Like you film them. You don't just catch them in the wild. Yeah, no.

Do you think – speaking of that, do you think that those like wilderness things where it's like a panther chasing an elk or whatever animals would exist in the same part of the world are those staged somehow or do they just sit out in the wilderness like for weeks on end hoping that something shakes there must be some guy who's like oh yeah it's murder season among

animals or they like spray like some blood on the ground like from where the panther is sleeping to where the elks are. Like a trail of bloody breadcrumbs. Yeah. They set up kind of like a scavenger hunt. But yeah,

with like, it feels like you would never catch that stuff on film. Like you would have to, right? Like you just have to, right? Like you just sit there with the cameras rolling for. That's the whole thing. But that's what's amazing about those like, you know, planet Earth and all that is that like literally they're just sitting there motionless for days, like waiting for something to happen.

And then. Is that really? Yeah. That's really how they do it? They like all that stuff in the jungle with all the birds and stuff. Yeah. They're like, just like not doing anything. Wow.

They're just waiting to get this footage. And then they call Pixar and they're like, can you do birds? Can you make like real looking birds? Yeah, that's Pixar's strength is making photorealistic stuff. They get those guys that dress and paint themselves in silver and hang out at the boardwalk in San Francisco and do a robot thing where they're like still for a really long time. That's got to be on the resume. They got those guys? Yeah.

Well, who's doing the robot stuff while they're away filming? It's during like off-tourist season. There's no such thing for those guys. Once when I was in Barcelona, there was the big walking street. Walking. It's just full of, like, buskers or human statues. And they. Which is it?

Well, I mean, as far as I remember, it was a lot of human statues. And the best, like, the guy who got the most attention was the guy all painted in gold sitting on a toilet. Toilet also painted gold. But like that guy is brilliant because he gets to sit. He doesn't have to take bathroom breaks. Do you think every now, like do you think people like wait around and then every half an hour there's just like a tink sound? Everyone cheers? Yeah, as he drops nuts and bolts.

Yeah. Oh, toilet. So, you're 32. You're loving life. You're renting as much porn as you want. No, no, I didn't say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did. You said it without saying it. Yeah. I'm trying to require as much VHS porn as possible.

Wow. VHS. Renting porn, that must have been a real tough time for adults, adult pervs. Like, right? Because there was still, you could buy things in the mail if you wanted. But like, if you're like, I only got enough to rent. Like, I can't. Well, yeah. You know, people couldn't own VHS tapes.

I mean, they could, but... Yeah, you could only buy like one per year. They were expensive. Yeah. You'd have to buy them used. One of my friend's parents, when we were in grade eight, we discovered in their laundry hamper, they had a huge beta tape collection of pornos. You say parents like the mother and the father both have them?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, it was like, it wasn't somewhere where the mom wouldn't look. Like, it was in, it was like, they both knew they were there. And I don't know how my friend found them, but he's like, oh, you got to check this out. And then, you know, it's like the first one that's on there is A Thousand and One Erotic Nights. Wow.

Oh, that's like gotta be a double, double tape. Thousand and one. Is that Alibaba? A thousand and one erotic nights. That's like, that's like over three years worth of erotic nights. That's,

that's definitely longer than the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Yeah. You did. The laundry hamper seems like a, I would think I would need a night off like every hundred nights. Just for some like reflection time. Like, what am I doing? Yeah. I got to get some sleep.

Oh, man. Yep. I mean, I'm fine with sex, but I don't like everything being so erotic. Yeah, yeah. Some nights it's just erotic. There's not even any sex. And why does it have to be at night? I like a daytime roll in the hay.

Oh, she's doing a scarf dance. Great. That's a dance where she scarfs down a cake. Yeah, she scarfs down as many things as she... It's just like a whole table of foods. Yeah, because the word erotic means something a little bit classier than just sex. Yeah, like, yeah. But, oh, yeah, but true.

Scarf dance does fit that profile almost to a T. Not sure I know what a scarf dance is. Scarf dance, maybe like a silhouetted dance in like some flowing blinds. Sure, sure. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Also. I'm just imagining someone sticking their head up from behind a sheet. Or somebody, like you're not talking about just somebody dancing in a giant wool scarf.

Like, ooh, heavy. It's really itching my neck. Sweatier than i thought it would be um did uh when dave when you were a kid did you have a friend whose uh parent had a uh porno stash um not a porno stash sorry a stash of porno um I think I did, but nothing's real. I know I had a friend whose dad had a couple of Playboys. But not like a crazy, like a hamperful. No, and it was like a friend whose I didn't really like being at his house.

So I'm like, ugh. I'm like, don't. I don't want to end up having a fucked up adult life. Don't show these to me here. I don't want this to be unpleasant for me. You didn't think that when you were a kid. Like, I don't want to be fucked up as an adult. Like, if I look at.

Like, I don't want to. Because I've smelled of cigars. And I'm like, oh, I don't want to be reminded of cigars for the rest of my life if I see a naked lady. Or vice versa. Yeah, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, right? Yeah, it's... How about you? Yeah, oh, absolutely. There was a friend in junior high whose dad was recently divorced from his mom and lived in a condo and had like a cabinet of pornography.

Like a little smaller than the closets in this room. Like it was like an armoire full of pornography. He was a collector. Yeah. full of progress. He was a collector. Yeah, and it was like, and we went over, I remember we went over, like, slept over at his house when his dad was, like, out or whatever, and we, like, were eating food, and then

they put, like, put on a tape, and it was just the most unpleasant goddamn thing, like, sitting there eating pizza or spaghetti or whatever, and just like, ugh, both of these are gross! Mom, come pick me up! eating pizza or spaghetti or whatever, and just like, ugh, both of these are gross. Mom, come pick me up. So, yeah, it just backfired so quick.

But, yeah, it was crazy. Like, I guess that wouldn't exist anymore, right? Or would it? Would somebody have, like, DVDs of, like, a crazy display game? Check it out. My dad's got a computer that lets you go to any website. It's a compact Preserian. Yeah, we can go to any room in the house with this thing.

Oh, man, what a hamper. I don't know why. There's something so like, I don't know, going to some kid's house and looking at their parents' hamper. You're right. That will fuck you up for life.

It's so weird. So weird. Is that why you are the way you are? What? How am I? I don't know. You're buying up on this. I haven't been hanging out in clubs like I'm 23, just for the record.

Can I ask you something? On your finger, is that a tattoo? Yes, it is. Okay. So maybe it did affect me. The tattoo says fart. That's right. It's a fart tattoo on my finger.

Oh, to pull a finger. Yeah, like pull my finger. So it's a bit of an investment for when I'm a grandparent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My grandkids, I'm like, hey, pull my finger. And they're like, yeah, sick, after I fart. And I'm like, should have read the warning label. That's what I get to say when I'm 65. Oh, man, that, yeah. My grandkids, I'm like, hey, pull my finger. And they're like, ah, sick, after I fart. And I'm like, should have read the warning label. That's what I get to say when I'm 65.

Oh, man, that's great. That's why I got this. You're going to be a great grandpa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to be like, stay away from my hamper, you kids. Because I can keep all the crazy stuff in the hamper. What will hampers be like in 30 years? It'll be clear.

You'll be able to see right through. Mostly because of like terrorism and stuff, right? Yeah. Clear hampers is because otherwise people can put a bomb in them. Clear hampers. Clear eyes can't lose. I feel like there's going to be like a hamper. Full heart.

Like once it fills up, obviously your bedroom is in the second floor I'm assuming. And then you push. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You push a button with your foot that's next to the hamster and the bottom of the hamster drops out. So the hamper has got this hamster that's working next to it. And you push the button. The hamster starts running in a wheel. And then the bottom of the hamper opens up, dropping the load into a washing machine.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm surprised that doesn't – that isn't a thing. Well, I imagine it is in some like a kid who inherited a million dollars. But still has to do his own laundry? Well, no. Like he just wanted that. Like in the – he got to design a lot of the house.

Yeah, OK. So there's no front door, but there's like a ladder that you have to climb or slide to go outside. It's like a non-functional house. He didn't make any bathrooms. You can only leave by sliding down a fireman's pool. There's only way out of the house. He has a trampoline room. He has a pool filled with chocolate that's just rotted and it's just filled with birds that died.

Birds trying to eat the chocolate. He didn't just like, there's flies everywhere. Oh, yeah. The upkeep on that. On that chocolate pool? Yeah. Ridiculous. And it's always too hot.

When it was actually usable, it was always too hot. Yeah, no, you couldn't swim in it. You couldn't dip food in it. Yeah, room temperature chocolate is just going to harden on your body. You'll be like the thing. You'll drown. There's a lot of neck injuries at a birthday party. You'll be like turned to stone.

Yeah. It was like 10 minutes into the first party when everybody was like, I'm burning. And now I'm... Got scleroderma. That's how he lost the house, all the lawsuits from his dumb chocolate pool. This is perfect. None of these guys can move. Maybe they can film birds in the wild.

Oh, nice. Nice work. Let's call back. So what else is new? Besides being freshly 32, what else is happening? Happy birthday, by the way. Thank you. Thank you.

When was your birthday? It was last Tuesday. 23rd. 23rd. Taurus. Oh, on the cusp of Aries. Yeah, but I went and experienced the VIP cinema for the first time. What's that?

Have you guys done that? There's one in Portland apparently. No. No. There's one, I think, in Coquillam. There's another one in Richmond. But you pay like $4 extra and you go into the theater and there's like all the concession stand and everything. But then there's like this entranceway with like a hostess and you give her your ticket and she like welcomes you to this lounge.

God, I hope she has the mostess. She definitely does have the mostess. And she welcomes you into this lounge. It's like a full bar with like a full restaurant and like a weird fireplace and like – it's like a – Really? It's like a really fancy like Earl's or something like that. That style of like kind of shitty urban lounge. So you're not in the theater yet. So you're not even in a lounge.

You're in a lounge where you can order like – there's like full food menus and appetizers and drinks and cocktails and all that. And so you can either sit there and have a drink if you're early and have food and dinner. Or you can go right into your theater, which you've chosen where you're going to sit. And your seats are like these like leather recliner seats. They have mini tables. And there's a waiter in there that serves you at your seat. His name is down in front. The moon is down in front.

And so I got to watch Jurassic Park 3D. Wow. While having a scotch on the rocks, a beer, and a dozen hot wings. Wow. Gross. Yeah. It was – I wasn't watching strippers. I was watching Jurassic Park 3D.

But, you know, it would have been fun if they – like they themed the foods, right? Yeah. Dinobones. Like a brontosaurus burger. Yeah. Yeah. Brontosaurus didn't exist. Like they theme the foods, right? Yeah, dino bones. Like a brontosaurus burger. Yeah, yeah. Brontosaurus didn't exist. What are the skinny ones that run across the field and they have to run in front of them and then hide in the log? Kenyans.

What were they called? Chrysanthemums or something like that? Lard barks? No, you just saw it. That's lard barks. You got it, Kim. You just saw it. You know what I'm talking about.

I know exactly what you're talking about. They look like chickens. And he says, oh, children, look, they're running like a flock of birds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then at that point, were you just like eating a chicken wing? Like, delicious. It's so good. It's like, I am eating a dinosaur because this is what they became. Oh, that's true.

That's fun. Was it worth seeing in 3D, Jurassic Park? If you like Jurassic Park, it's worth seeing in 3D. Did they like redo stuff so like the dinosaur comes like at you or something? It's not like – it's not like, because when they made it, it wasn't made for 3D, right? Yeah.

There's not like those like in a horror movie where it's like, here comes a knife straight through the screen and an eyeball is shooting at you. That's my favorite.

But it's like, when you, the doorknob is turning right at you. But it is just like, you know, like the scene with the brontosaurus,

like everything, everything has depth to it. And the, you know, like the scene with the Brontosaurus, like everything, everything has depth to it. And the, you know, with the scene when, uh, they come down in the helicopter for like right at like the very beginning, uh, down through like the crazy waterfall, all that area. Yeah. Like that alone right there. It's like, oh, this is crazy 3d right away.

You can tell. Ah, that's crazy 3d. And, uh, I'll tell you, I will tell you. Go ahead. Thanks. Tell me. I haven't seen it for a couple years, but I jumped four or five times, almost peed my pants. What?

Really? The velociraptors are so scary. They fed you two mini drinks. I only had one beer. How many people fit in this theater? Like three. Four. Yeah.

Okay. It's like... It just doesn't make any sense. It's like a Back to the Future ride where you just sit in the car. It's like those video games where you're just like two people. Yeah. Well, I went to one in Thailand that they didn't – They also offered some weird stuff.

Yeah. They didn't have waiters or anything, but there were only I think 16 recliners in the whole theater and you got a blanket. So they're just trying to like put you to sleep. Yeah basically. Yeah and then they just pilfer through your belongings. Yeah. Actually you don't get a recliner you're in a bathtub and when you

wake up it's full of ice and your kidneys are gone. But I saw The Transporter 2 that way and there's no The Transporter 3 maybe. Yeah. Wow. Very different movies.

Yeah. Yeah. One of them, he falls in love with a girl, and the other one, he falls in love with a girl. Yeah. Isn't that the whole thing in The Transporter? He's got to transport a girl. Don't – never look in the package. Yeah.

Oh, package is a girl. More often than not with this guy. No, I think in the second one, the package is a kid. But he falls in love with the kid. Falls in love with the kid. With the kid. Wow. Yeah, I've never been to a fancy movie theater.

I mean, like most movie theaters are really fancy. Right. And that they show movies. Too fancy for you. Yeah, exactly. I've never been in one of your fancy movie theaters. But I don't go to movies anymore because I can't tolerate people's horrible behavior. Well, this is probably a good

way to do it. Yeah. Because the theater is smaller. People are already drunk. People are half in the bag. There's no crying babies because it's 19 plus. Taking a baby to a movie is a real suspect maneuver. Terrible idea. Yeah. For everybody.

The person that has the baby, the baby. The audience, the filmmakers. Yeah. It's like going to a – The key grip, the best part. Going to like a Pixar movie at the 1 p.m. show. That's the worst idea you could ever make. Have I ever done – yeah, definitely.

I've seen a movie where it was like a movie that was mostly kids in the audience. I think WALL-E was the last movie that I did that. And that was the only showing that I could go to. And it was just like, oh, man. Whatever the internet has in store for keeping kids away from movie theaters, I am for it. Yeah. Whatever distractions the internet comes up with. Or like the kids can just, they're smart enough to download it. Yeah, yeah. Like, whatever distractions the internet comes up with. Or, like, the kids can just,

they're smart enough to download it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. They're all going to be pirating movies, so it's fine. Then all those grown-ups

can keep paying for movies like idiots. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yay! Pay twice as much because you're subsidizing these kids. I wonder if that,

is that how porn in theaters got started? Like, I just want to watch any movie without kids here. Yeah, let's start a movie where there's, don't show any kids movies. Yeah, maybe that's where it came from. Yeah.

Because it's a really terrible idea. Oh, the worst. I'm surprised. I'm surprised that there are any that lasted after the invention of, like, the reel-to-reel. Yeah, or the Viewmaster. Anything that you could have liked. Oh, we can say, oh, we've done it. Viewmaster porn, that's...

Somebody at home... Somebody must have done that. Is that 3D? In their robe. It is like 3D, right? Yeah. You can see the Superman and then King Kong in the background. And they're fucking...

Exactly. Exactly. You know, Superman and then King Kong in the background. And then fucking. Exactly. Yeah, I don't know. I'm surprised the first movie wasn't like a porn. That seems like just like how the invention of film would have happened. Like, yeah, we got to figure out a way to film these people having sex. Yeah, the first phone call was a sex phone. It was like a sex chat.

Hey, what are you wearing? Yeah. Ahoy, what are you wearing? Ahoy, yeah. The first phone call was a sex phone. It was like a sex chat. Hey, what are you wearing? Yeah. Ahoy, what are you wearing? Ahoy, man. Yeah. You sound very sexy. Oh, man. So great.

Was it Alexander Graham Bell? Was he talking to someone named Watson? Yeah, I think that's right. He asked him to answer. Everyone back then was named Watson. That Jeopardy supercomputer. It was their version of Aiden. Like on a very popular review at the time.

Was it Sherlock Holmes Watson that he was talking to? Yeah, he was crazy. The phone was originally intended to talk to fictional characters. And it was considered a great failure. Yeah, exactly. He's like, my first goal will be to Sherlock Holmes.

Then Alice from Alice in Wonderland. But he didn't even set it. He was like, okay, I'm going to call Sherlock Holmes. Watson's probably going to answer. He kind of talks my ear off. Yeah. I'm talking to Sherlock. Yes, yes.

It's elementary. Oh, is that what Sherlock said to you? Maybe you should make another one of these so somebody else could answer it instead of just talking into this one. Yeah. Yep. Alexander Graham Bell, our greatest prime minister. Dave, what's going on with you?

Oh, not a heck of a lot. Go on. Literally not a heck of a lot. Here's the big thing that's been ruling my life lately is spring has sprung in Vancouver. All of the trees have cherry blossoms on them. And my car was parked underneath a tree. Oh, yes. And after a week of these beautiful pink cherry blossoms all over Vancouver, they all started falling out of the trees.

And my car got covered in them. And it was fine. It rained that day. They were easy to wipe off. And then the next day there was a big windstorm. And they all blew back up and covered my car. And my car basically was just covered in pink flowers and looked like a float in a parade. Oh, nice. Yeah.

Did people just kind of slowly clap? Well, I was. I don't know what people do for nice. Yeah. Did people just kind of slowly clap? Well, I was... I don't know what people do for it. Yeah. Slowly clap. They just wave, wave at you and expect candy to be thrown at them. That's right.

Yeah. Yeah, hold their hands out for candy. Or a necklace. Show me their boobies. Yeah. And it's a little bit cool because they don't stick that well to the car, but there's thousands of them stuck to the car. But they don't stick that well, so you drive and they fly off.

Oh, wow. And the faster you drive, the bigger trail of... It's very like a magical mystery tour. Yeah. Just all stuff flying off of the car. And I was kind of expecting, because they're everywhere in the city, these cherry blossoms. I was expecting to see other cars. Yeah.

Other cars with them. And no, I see some with like a few stuck to them. But mine is like from the front to back. And like. and like it's the thing is is like they're so

like when you see them in a picture or you know like if somebody films them and puts it on the internet you're like

oh so beautiful but then yes they just fall everywhere and they just end up getting on people's shoes and then in your house and then one day like

they turn brown and then yeah you're like it's in your bed somehow. And you're like, why the hell did it make it all the way in here? Like, because one will get stuck in like your shirt collar and then it'll just fall off somewhere in your room. And they're all shriveled.

Yeah. And they just are around until August. Like, I think they just kind of like permeate your life. And then. Your girlfriend's like, where'd these flowers come from? Yeah. Some woman buying you flowers? Yeah.

Your girlfriend's not very bright, so she's like, did a fairy buy you a bunch of little tiny pink flowers? Did you buy flowers for some woman that she hit you over the head with them and then they went all over the place? Anyways, they look great, but what a menace, right? Yeah. And so after work today, I spent like half an hour trying to just spray them off my car with a hose. Did you wear short shorts?

Yeah, first I sprayed myself. Did you use the thumb trick over top of the end of the hose to make it spray really hard? Yeah, because the last tenants took the little spray gun attachment. You're not letting them have that. So, yeah. So put

the thumb over it, which is the hardest water can be sprayed in the world. But also, a dangerous game. You need to be able to do that right or else you're going to be spraying yourself with a lot of water. It's not that dangerous. It's very dangerous. I's very dangerous. I've gotten sprayed in the eye before. My dentist does it with the water pick.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, to make it like a harder stream. It goes all over the place. My dentist is very good. Cheap, though. Cheap. That's a lot better, though, than being under one of those trees that just like all the sap comes off it. It's just like rain sap though, than, like, being under one of those trees that just, like, all the sap comes off it.

It just, like, rains sap somehow. Like, misty sap. That's a tree being erotic. Oh, that was the lady, yeah. Started in a lot of those movies. Misty sap. Misty sap. Yeah, that is really gross because you're like, what are you up to, trees?

Like, the trees are just, like, adolescent boys. Yeah, they're sexing. They're sexing all over your car. And birds are just... Birds and bees are having some role in it. Have you? Because trees don't literally have sex with each other, do they? They don't walk around and...

No, but their roots... They germinate or whatever, right? Yeah, their roots touch each other. Yeah, like one will form like a circle root and then the other root will go in. It takes forever. It takes 100 years for them to have like a quickie. A baby tree? Yeah.

What we would consider a quickie to them takes an entire century. Or have it all underground. Yeah, it's when they put a camera guy there in 1900-aught and they still have not filmed the whole sequence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I once met this woman and she was like, let me take you to this underground sex club. And we just watched trees have sex for 500 years. It's a time lapse now. It's a time lapse now.

So you can see one thrust. One thrust, yeah. That's a whole generation right there. You know, in the summer, there's trees that have, I guess, like the leaves are very popular for like caterpillars or some sort of tree worm. And they like hang off of a kind of like a strand of- It looks like a spider web, basically. Yeah. What is that?

And is that the grossest when you walk through, like, seven of those just hanging off of a tree? And then all of a sudden you have caterpillars on your face? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Anything that's, like, a worm with tiny legs is the grossest thing.

Oh, yeah. Centipedes. Millipedes. Centipedes, millipedes, caterpillars, even if they're, like, furry and cute. Oh, gross. Gummy worms. Gummy worms. Yuck. But that, like, I mean, a spider is pretty gross because that's eight legs and you can feel them.

But I'm fine with this. Like, I don't know. Spiders. For some reason, I'm fine with them. You like spiders on you? No, I hate spiders. No, I don't like. Look, I like wearing my spider coat that's made up of thousands of spiders.

Yeah. But I don't like them on me alive. I like them when they've been skinned. Oh, a tarantula coat? Yeah. This is my tarantula fur coat. It's so tiny. It's like the tightest.

It's just a patchwork. It's like a hobo's patchwork tiny. It's like the tightest. It's tight as a little... It's just a patchwork. It's like a hobo's patchwork jacket. So many of the skins. Oh, it's so gross. You're like the Fisher King. Yeah, okay. So spiders, no.

No. But the more legs, the worse. The worst. Yeah. Yeah, the more legs, the worse. Yeah, they're gross.

Yeah, well, I don't understand what those tree worms are up to, but man, oh, man, when you get one in the face. What are they doing hanging there? Because they obviously drool a bunch on the branch that they're hanging out on. They just drool everywhere and then just kind of lazily roll off the branch and start hanging down with their drool. And if you run into them, I don't think this has happened to me.

I'm not 100% sure what you're talking about. But then, are they dead? Like, they can't ever recover? They're very much alive. I think they're more powerful.

Yeah, exactly. You've angered them. They were lazily enjoying the summer. I think it's because they're trying to get sun or something. They're doing something.

I don't know if they're waiting for other caterpillars to like swing into their genitals. You don't have the patience to be one of these planet Earth guys. Oh, God, no. You should stick around and study these. Yeah, after 10 minutes. Monsters. I'm oot. If it didn't happen on this

first, I only come with one one hour cassette that I record on. Right, right, right. And if it doesn't happen in that hour, I'm not rewinding and taping over it. You're just recording sound, too? It's just a cassette? You're recording sound? And then if I don't get it,

I just make the sounds myself. And the men collect my paycheck. Worms are dumb. Rah, rah. Oh, I think that's a lion. Rah! Put him up, put him up I think that's a lion. Rah. Bah, bah. Put him up, put him up.

It's definitely a lion. Yeah. So, yeah, trees, man. Trees, man. Gross. So, Graham, can I ask you a question? You may. How are you?

I'm good. What's going on? I was in Ontario last week. I was doing shows in Oakville and London, Ontario and Toronto, Ontario. The big three. Yep. Absolutely. And Oakville. I try, whenever I'm going to a town I've never been to,

try to learn like a thing about the town to talk about on stage. And Oakville is very just like kind of like a sleeper community. How far is it from Toronto? Like under an hour. So is it basically a suburb? Well, they wouldn't think so. And if you said that, they wouldn't. That was your one fact about the city?

Yeah, exactly. Oakville is basically a suburb of Toronto. What I did was, because, you know, like a thing that gets easy laughs is when you make fun of the rough part of town. And this was at like a fundraiser. So it was all like really really well to do people so it's like you get an even bigger laugh if you made fun of uh the rough part of town and oh oh not because there isn't one but because they're uh they're not they're they're wealthy yeah yeah like they yeah none of them would be offended because they're from there like yeah they have

nothing but disdain for the poor yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. So, well, not necessarily disdain for the poor, but I know, like, nobody's going to be like, I live here. I know that I'm like, okay. But I typed into Google, I was like, rough neighborhood in Oakville. rough neighborhood in Oakville. And there was like only a couple search results. And one of them was a message board with two posts. And the one post was a lady who had written, well, if you ask me, I don't think Oakville has any rough neighborhoods. And then the second post was this comment thread has been shut down due to lack of interest.

Sounds like a real pleasantville. It is very. It was very pleasant. It's very, I think it was the richest city in Canada, like for 10 years running. Wow. Like per capita, like everybody makes over $100,000 or something. A lot of swimming pools and- Movie stars.

Yeah. Monte Carlos. Texas tea. Texas tea, Monte. I stayed at, that was the name of the hotel I stayed at, the Monte Carlo. Wow. Yeah. And I kept calling it the Monte Cristo by accident and I seemed like a real rube to everybody.

That's a sandwich. Sitting at the Ruben. What's a Monte Cristo? Is that deep fried? No, it's like a- Isn't it a turkey? A sandwich. Sitting at the Reuben. What's a Monte Cristo? Is that deep fried? No, that's like a- Isn't it a turkey? No, it's like a melted grilled cheese with ham in it in between two pieces of French toast. Holy shit.

That's where I get the deep fried from. Yeah. Delicious. I don't know. What's what? Oh, in between French toast? Not French bread. No, no.

French toast. French. It's very sweet. Yeah. Oh, that sounds- Sorry, what's in between the French toast? I French bread. No, no, French toast. French. It's very sweet. Yeah. Oh, that sounds sweet. Sorry, what's in between the French toast? I think ham and cheese. Okay.

Guys, don't quote me on this, but I know it has something to do with French toast. Okay. No, I'm willing to believe it. I ordered it once, and I never ordered it again. Let me tell you this. This hotel I was at had nothing to do with French toast. No French toast in sight. And then here's the thing in Toronto.

Do you like French toast? I don't. Like if somebody offered it to me, I'd eat it. And quick. I think I'm bad at making it. I don't know what it is really. Is it just toast that you put in butter or batter? Egg.

Egg with like sugar and cinnamon. And then you fry it in a pan. Yeah. And then you put like crazy amounts of like jam or syrup on it. Yeah. But I think the thing is that if you get a soggy piece of French toast, that's where they really drop the ball. That's where I'm – that's all I can do.

Oh, is it supposed to be crunchy? Well, I think it's supposed to be – Yeah, that's supposed to be wet in the middle. Yeah, yeah. You don't want to soggy it up all the way through no no doubt no doubt oh it's like maybe that's why the monte uh cristo didn't do it because they knew like uh we do not have we don't have the facilities we don't have the patience the diligence we don't have a french chef um do you think it's actually has anything to do with the french or is it one of those those things where it just made it sound intercontinental?

Yeah, I'm sure it has nothing to do with the French. Somebody made it once and somebody was like, oh, that seems really French. It's French toast it is. Yeah, why would they say it was really? Oh, they made it with a baguette. That's why. One time I was staying with Abby's family, and I think her parents were just tired of me being a smart ass all the time. And so one day they were like, I said, oh, they started making dinner. I said, oh, what's for dinner?

And they said, Hungarian beef. And they looked at each other and and it turns out they just didn't want to say beef stroganoff because they thought i would say something about stroganoff and you would have right of course yeah fair is fair um also a thing in toronto that i noticed this time around that i not sure that I noticed the last couple times I was there, but a city difference between Vancouver and Toronto. They drive a car like this. They drive on the wrong side of the road. Yeah, sure.

In Vancouver, if you make eye contact with somebody, you break it pretty quickly. Yeah. As a sign of fear or respect. I don't know. But in Toronto, people will sustain eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time. But I love that about it. You're for it. I wish people in Vancouver did that more.

I will try and make eye contact with people. Whenever I walk down the street, I'll try and make eye contact with people. The majority of people look down or look away I'll try and make eye contact with people. The majority of people look down or look away or don't even look at you at all. I submit to you that because of that, spending so many years in a climate where you avoid eye contact, you are not ready. Yeah, you wouldn't last 10 minutes. Because, man, oh, man, I could not hold on. That city would blink you alive. No, but I get in there.

When I'm there, I get in there and I'm making eye contact. I'm winking at people. Making connections. So you – because it caught me very much by surprise and I felt myself like looking up to the left. Like places I would never look. The left? Yeah, like looking behind. Up and to the left?

That's like a Zooey Deschanel photo. What am I looking at? That's like a Zooey Deschanel photo. What am I looking at? So I wasn't, yeah, I just, I was like, I feel like I used to be able to do it, but I'm out of practice and I got stared down. I never had it. No. Well, you're born and raised here. So you're from a.

Unless it's a staring competition and not a contest, a competition where there's rankings. Yeah. A tournament bracket. Around Robin. Yeah, I can't. Very uncomfortable. Yeah, like I feel like. Chicken tonight.

Are we going to have beef stroganoff? But yeah, so you love it. Oh, yeah. You're not for it. I'm definitely, I was caught off guard by it. but yeah so you love it oh yeah you're not for it I'm definitely I was caught off guard by it I didn't hate it

but I was definitely not up to the challenge I like the I like the like the hi or the hello from a stranger like you make eye contact to the point where like

you both look and you're like hey hi and as you walk by and there's no awkwardness of stopping and talking

or anything like that it's just like we're both walking down the street and no one else is around. That would be the worst if that was like you had to stop and talk to a stranger. Oh, yeah. You got to be assertive in that. If people were that friendly. Like, oh, hello, stranger.

Where are you going? I feel like people are that friendly in Halifax, Nova Scotia. I feel like people are that friendly in Halifax, Nova Scotia because oftentimes I ended up talking to somebody and it was like halfway through where I was like, I don't know how to get out of this conversation because I don't know who this person is. I can't go, well, you probably got to get going because people – if you stand anywhere for long enough, and I mean like a minute, people will come up to you and ask where you're going or if you're lost or and they'll start telling you about something which people love but it's very like i'm talking to a lot of strangers that i'm that i'm not for at all i'm not down for you just want to say hi and get out yeah i just i just like a head nod even. Yeah. I got in. I said hello to a guy in an elevator, and from his waist up, he looked like a regular dude. But of the waist down, he's wearing crazy pants and those Mexican shoes that kind of like point. They go to a crazy point.

What made the pants crazy? Oh, they were way too tight for this guy. The guy had a big, big beer belly, and he was wearing kind of like, kind of like a dad shirt, you know, like something from Eddie Bauer. Right. Like just a very. Sure. Yeah.

And then, but his pants were like, like flamenco pants. Did they have like a sheen to them? Yeah. Like I think there was kind of a panel at the front and they were super tight. And then his shoes were those pointy Mexican shoes. Love them? Yeah, like I think there was kind of a panel at the front and they were super tight and then his shoes were those pointy Mexican shoes. Love them. Yeah, but who do you think that guy was? So he was going to a salsa

competition or... I think he went on stage as a volunteer at a magic show. They like switched a guy's bottom half and his top half. And the magician died halfway through the show and never switched him back. So there's this like flamenco dancer wearing like khaki pants and penny loafers somewhere. They just, they can't, there's nothing they can do.

Anyway, so that was my trip to Toronto in a nutshell. Sounds great. Should we move trip to Toronto in a nutshell. Sounds great. Should we move on to some business? Yeah. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes.

You gotta sweep the floor. You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more. Take care of business. sweep the floor. You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more. Take care of beers now. Stop Podcasting Yourself is supported by IFC presenting Marin, the new comedy based on the life

and podcast of comedian Mark Marin. Marin presents a fictionalized version of Mark's life and relationships including guest appearances from Judd Hirsch from Taxi, Gina Gershon from Taxi the movie from Jennifer Tilly Taxi and Adam Scott fromhon from Taxi the Movie. Yeah, from Jennifer Tilly

Taxi. And Adam Scott from D.C. Cab. Mariners this Friday with guest star Dennis Taxi Leary at 10, 9 Central on IFC. Now, also in this business segment. Yeah.

You got some business? I've just got a couple things I want to plug. May 15th at the Little Mountain Gallery. Ring-a-ding-dong dandy. What's that? It's a wrestling

themed show where myself, Ryan Beal, and a special guest Kevin Banner, who was recently on the podcast, and we'll talk about wrestling and watch videos and

talk during those videos of wrestling. That's basically the show. And what a show. Five bucks. You can't be beat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was great the first time I seen it. It's going to be even greater this time. And June 28th and 29th I'm going to be in

Regina, Saskatchewan at the Artisian on 13th which is run by past guest Jaden Pfeiffer. So tickets are available at their website. And yeah, I'll be there at the end of June. So there you go. That's my business. That's a lot of business.

You got any business? Do you need businessing? I got a little business. Go ahead. Oh, sure. May 9th at the Little Mountain Gallery. It's going to be the first of our new monthly Hobos and Gentlemen present The Dugout, which is a baseball-themed improv show. Which is going to be a lot of fun.

And also June 6th to 9th is the Music Waste Presents Comedy Waste Comedy Festival in Vancouver, all independent local comedy. You can see all of the lineup and everything else at musicwaste.ca. That's a lot of business. Yeah. We did it. That's a spicy meatball. Yeah, you gave us the business.

Do you want to move on to the overheards? I do. I'm Cameron Esposito, and I'm the host of Maximum Fun's new podcast, Wham! Bam! Pow! A sci-fi movie show and action movies. Also, did I forget to say action movies? Every week I'll be joined by Mr. Ricky Comona. And Ms. Rhea Butcher. And we are going to chat about films.

We're going to tell jokes. We're going to be hilarious. We're going to play games. We're going to have guests. We're going to give reviews. We're going to be hilarious. We're going to play games. We're going to have guests. We're going to give reviews. It's going to blow your mind. If you want to listen to the show, you can find it at MaximumFun.org or you can subscribe on iTunes. Can you believe how many things I just listed?

So many things. Wow! That's great. Overheard. Overheard Overheard Here's what these are Shut up Dave Wait no Here's the thing about these

Dave shut up Shut up I need to get this out Okay sorry There are some things That are too damn important Dave shut up No no no

I will not I will not stand here while you... You, sir, are a boor. You better shut up, Dave. You need to learn some manners because the thing about overheard is... Dave, you gotta shut it up. Because it's time for Actually, There's a Real Authentic Piece of Hulk Hogan News. Graham, you shut up.

Oh, no. I've been served. Here's an update on a couple of segments. Segment update. There's a couple of segments we do that I sometimes interrupt Graham with. One is lessons learned from Flex magazine. I can't do that anymore. What about the next time Flex comes, though?

You might. Here's what started happening is it turns out if you get subscribed to Flex magazine as a joke by your friend for Secret Santa, they start to send you, like, just letters about not even the magazine. About Flex? send you uh like just letters about not even the magazine just like about flexing just like uh about um supplements like they give your address to supplement companies who then want to get you to subscribe by mail to supplement the supplement of the month club just Just comes in a giant joke. The other segment that I used to interrupt Hulk Hogan News with was Fanta tweets. Yeah, yeah.

Where I would read the tweets from the Fanta organization. Yeah. And I guess they got wind that we were doing this. No. And people were badmouthing them because they used to tweet once a day. They have not tweeted the entire month of April. Oh, no. Dave, you ruined Fanta.

What have you done? I didn't say nothing to them. You're the Grinch that stole Fanta tweets. I guess Fanta's still going strong. No, no, no. They're done. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah.

They're done. I can't get my grape soda. I'm going to be real ticked off. They're the only ones who make it. And also people were trying to, I think very unsuccessfully, get you to start a segment in which you sing a song. But that's not a segment. That's just a natural occurrence. Yeah, that just happens.

Yeah, it's Haley's Comet. Don't force it. Yeah. Remember when we tried to force Haley's Comet? Comet? Yeah. We had to send Bruce Willis and his team up to the star to blow it up. Yeah.

We had to send Haley Joel Osment. Haley's Osment. So this has been Hulk Hogan News. Yep, absolutely. May he rest in peace. Hulk Hogan is, you know that he had the sex tape, right? Did you guys hear about this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't sex tape right did you guys hear about this yeah you didn't hear

I didn't hear about this what did he have the shaded beard like bad Hulk Hogan in it no no no this was recent

no half half of it was shaded he played good Hogan bad Hogan yeah no yeah he was good Hogan

yeah this was about doing a bad thing Yeah Eight months ago or so? Yeah, and the website Gawker posted a short clip of it And kind of like a play-by-play written by one of their writers He took them to court saying Why don't you remove that stuff from the site

Is this the news or we're just recapping? Okay Well, this is the recap He took them to court The judge said Gawker, you got to take that stuff from the site. Is this the news or are we just recapping? Well, this is the recap. He took them to court. The judge said, Gawker, you've got to take that stuff down. Gawker has fought back and now they're taking

it all the way up the chain. They're saying to the Supreme Court because they're saying it's their First Amendment right to keep the writing, the play-by-play of the video up on their site even though and they removed the video but they put a link to a site that does play the video. So they went against the judge's orders and now Hogan is like – he's doing a choke slam on the legal system.

He's ripped off his tank top at this point. Yeah. Oh. He was wearing several layers. It was a brisk fall day. Anyway, so it's gone into First Amendment territory. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Hulk Hogan, First Amendment crusader, but the opposite. Yeah. Crusader against. Yeah. Book burner, I guess. Yeah. The people versus Larry Flint. So anyway, so yeah, things are rolling. The legal

system is in motion and that is Hulk Hogan News for this week. That's got to be a frightening video. Oh yeah, it's just like a huge leather duffel bag kind of rolling around. I said it was a coach. I called him a leather coach.

I'm surprised that a connoisseur of porn like yourself. What? What? A person who purchases so much porn would have surely come across this. It's not on VHS. I don't know what it is. Touche.

Now, move on to the real overheards. The nitty gritty. Now, we like to start with the guest. Cam, would you lead the way? Well, it's kind of like a two-parter, same place, same situation. I was at the post office today and I was sending in my checks to the Canadian government for my taxes. Oh, flirty. And for some reason, I don't know why, I'm like, I need to get this because like April 30th is the deadline for not getting penalized or whatever, right?

And so I'm thinking in my head, oh, I got to get this there by tomorrow, which doesn't make any sense at all. And so I pay an extra $17 to get it like fast, like, you know, priority express post sent there. And like as soon as I pay for i'm like what am i doing i'm paying in installments anyways it doesn't even matter because i'm already paying for whatever so i do this i pay and then i'm like standing to the side and i'm like filling out the uh you know the address and whatnot and the guy behind me comes up and he's like yes i'd like to send this as slow as possible, please.

And the woman goes, huh? And he's like, it's my taxes. I don't care. And like pays and it makes me feel stupid. She takes the stamp off of it. Rip. There you go. Yeah.

This will be in the system forever. I'm like, oh, man. Does it just need to be postmarked? Yeah. By April 30th? Oh, okay. Rip. There you go. Yeah. This will be in the system forever. Like, oh, man. Does it just need to be postmarked? Yeah. By April 30th? Oh, okay. No, no, no. Like, yeah, it didn't make any sense.

Like, I wasn't thinking straight. Right. I was having a very busy day. I've been very busy lately. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just not thinking straight. And so he says that, and that really fucking punches me in the face and like, you're a moron.

What are you doing? And so he leaves. And the next lady comes up, and she kind of like smacks down this like package on the thing. And it's about the size of a magazine, but it's like, you know, a couple inches thick. And it's in this brown thing. And he's like, yeah, I want to send this to Ontario. She's like, okay, so what are the contents? She goes, yeah, it's mainly spices.

She goes, yeah, it's mainly spices. And I'm thinking, so what kind of spices are in here? That they can't get it on TV. Yeah. Rice and anthrax. Yeah. Or is this just blatantly weed that you're sending? That's like duct taped up so you can't smell it. I'm sending two pounds of oregano to my dumb friend.

They can't get coriander out there. Not like out here. Oh man, that's great. As low as possible. That's like those guys that like pay whatever to the government, their taxes or their fees in like trash cans full of pennies. Oh, yeah, yeah. I should have done that.

Don't it cost so much to send though across the country? Yeah, absolutely. I think they have tax centers everywhere. No, like if you want to do, you got to send it to the General whatever of Canada. Taxmaster? Yeah, it's called the Taxmaster.

He sits on a throne with fire behind him. Is it the Taxmeester or the tax master? Tax meester. The tax meester. The tax meester. Tax meester. Pay in taxes. Rob Schneider references.

Yeah, counting pennies. Dave, do you have one over here? Mine is from Bilo Foods, which is a grocery store that I don't frequent very often. Actually, it's a fine store, but I just assume that it's lower quality because it is part of Kingsgate Mall, which is the dirt mall in this part of town. It also has like a ketchup and mustard kind of color. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's yellow and red, but it's even lower than like No Name or like, what's that? President's Choice.

President's Choice or the new one that's like has yellow brand all the time. What's it called? Superstore? Yeah, it's like Superstore has yellow brand, but that's like a big one. There's like this other one. I can't remember what it's called. Oh, No Frills. No Frills.

Oh, No Frills. Yeah, No Frills is also like crazy yellow. So yellow. But even worse than that, it's like, yeah, it's bad. Anyway, it is. Yeah, but it's not really bad. No, but you wouldn't buy like any fruit there. Yeah, you would. Oh, yeah. The vegetable but you wouldn't buy like any fruit there. Yeah, you would.

Oh, yeah. The vegetable section is actually quite nice. At Bilo? Yeah. I don't buy meat there. Oh, see? But that's my same concern. But I don't know if that's just because I think it's bad.

Like I'm sure it comes from the same place the meat everywhere else in the city comes from. I don't know. I think it's kind of a soil and grain situation. than the city comes from. I don't know. I think it's kind of a soil and grain situation. And there were three employees or two employees talking to this third guy and they were both,

all three of them were like late 20s. And apparently, Bilo Foods has changed who is in charge of their parking lot. I think I know what you're talking about. That they've got like, yeah, like it does look like somebody else has like moved in. I don't know. But like the people who are in charge of like towing and ticketing, apparently it's a different

company. And so two of these employees were complaining and one of them seemed to have like legitimate complaints and the other one did not. Because one of them was like, oh, yeah, it's – they don't know not to ticket the employees because we're going to be parked there all day. Every employee has gotten a ticket. And then this other guy was like, yeah, I got towed the other day. And then – so the third guy was like, oh, why did you get towed? I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing.

And then he said, plus the sign in my car window that said, if you tow my car, I'll kill your kids, didn't help. They didn't like that. Yeah. The one guy is like, my kid's already dead. Can't tow what with your kid. Wait, no. So, yeah. Wow.

Wow. That seems like the worst thing to put, like, if you don't want your car to get towed. Yeah. Don't threaten the guy with the tow truck. Oh, what was the sticker I saw on a truck in Portland? It was a gun facing, gun facing you, the viewer. Whoa! Yeah, I know.

Put that away. Just a suggestion of that scares me. Don't point that around. And it said, think twice, because I won't. I was like, whoa, shit. Itchy, tricky. Itchy, tricky. Itchy, tricky.

Itchy, tricky. Tricky, itchy, shit. Yeah. Itchy Triggy. Itchy Triggy. Itchy Trigs. Itchy Triggy. Tricky, itchy Triggy. That idea of the gun, was there, has there ever been, I guess there has, but like, what was the first time there was a movie with like a gun pointed right at the camera and did people freak out like that first film of a train coming at them? Yeah, it was the same. It was a double bill. It was train and gun.

You gonna stay around for gun? I'm just scared. No way. Train was in black and white and I still fell for it. It had no sound. It was in black and white and I still fell for it. It had no sound.

Yeah, there was a lot of like, the early films were just like, gotcha. Yeah. Or, and then like, the more elegant fare was like, man takes off coat. See, this is something everyone can enjoy. Yeah. He's not taking off his coat at me. Yeah, exactly. No, and then he does. He, like, hangs it up on the camera.

Oh, no! It's black! The Martians are here! Mass hysteria. Everybody get hysterical. Yeah. Well, this has been... This has pretty much been over.

My overheard comes courtesy of checking out of a hotel in Toronto. And two ladies who had just arrived from somewhere in the States were talking about what they did last night. Somewhere in the States, we're talking about what they did last night. And the one lady who's a bit older than the other one said, we went out for dinner and then we went and saw April Wine. And the other girl said, oh, how was she? Which was very cute. Yeah. Because that could, right? Yeah.

April Wine could be a woman. Absolutely. Yeah. April Wine is like a 70s rock band. Yeah. It's like funk, isn't right? Yeah, April Wine could be a woman. Absolutely. Yeah, a friend. April Wine is like a 70s rock band? Yeah. It's like funk,

isn't it? Or is it? Are they Canadian? I think they're Canadian. I'm going to look up what their... I want to say that they sang the song

Red, Red Wine. No, they did not. But you know what? It's a great song. Yeah, that was April Wine's MO

was only singing songs about wine. By UB40. Pino Grigio. All to the same tune. Little soft love. Yeah, so I just thought that was, you know, I thought it was cute. Generations, right?

What did they sing? This is a really big. Catalog? Really big. Discography? Wikipedia entry. They were from the 70s. And they would be something that you would find on like an adult contemporary station.

Oh, yeah. No, I would think. Like a classic rock? A classic rock. Oh, okay. I really can't think of what one of their songs is, though. I'm not- Fast Train is apparently a song of theirs.

Oh, that was the theme song from- Oh, Just Between You and Me. Fast Train was the theme song from that train movie. Close on credits. All right. Well, we've had a lot of fun. Well, what else was there? Just Between You and Me.

I don't even know that song. I'm guessing that's the one that was there just between you and me i don't even know that song um i'm guessing that's the one that goes just between you and me april one hey that's what we're called everybody good thing we don't have a segment where i sing yeah it's good though um oh they have a song called come hear the band but come come is spelled C-U-M. Oh, no. What? Yeah. Come on, hear the band. They have a song called- Girls rock this brand.

They have a song called Electric Jewels. Are you sure that- All Over Town? That's one. These songs could be, I could just string together any words, All Over Town. They are. Well, this is boring. Rock and roll is a vicious game.

98% likes on YouTube. Of course. How does that go? Rock and roll. It's a vicious game. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. I think you's not. No, it's not.

I think you might be right, Graham. I think it might be a little more adult contempo. Yeah. I feel like even the name kind of, like, just when I've heard April Wine and the way that they kind of, like, spelled their name on their album cover was very, like, frilly. Yeah. No frills, no gimmicks. All frills, all gimmicks.

Now, guys, we also have overheards that have been sent to us from around the world. If you want to do the same, you can send them to spy, S-P-Y, at maximumfun.org. Sign of the Gypsy Queen. Oh, that's the one. That's the hit. No, that can't be the hit. Sign of the Gypsy Queen. That's how it goes.

That's literally how it goes. That's the same as every song that you've sung so far. Sign of the Gypsy Queen That's how it goes That's literally how it goes That's literally how it goes Son of the Gypsy Queen That's totally how it goes Electric jewels This first one comes from Sarah from Omaha That's Nebraska we're talking about Great Counting Crows song

Yeah Yeah, by April Wine. This was overheard in the elevator at work. Coworker one. He was so rude. He didn't say I was stupid, but he totally instigated I was. Wait, is that the right word? Instigated?

Coworker two. I think you meant incinerated. I think you meant incinerated. That's some good dumb talk. Yeah. Two co-workers at Dumco. What building was this in? What elevator was this in?

We'll flood the toilet again. You're getting a promotion. Answering the phones at Dumco. Yeah, it wasn't actually an elevator. It was just a closet they were all standing in. that's right they flooded the closet again um now uh this next one uh comes to us from uh ann in uh denver and uh she's a birth doula. Oh, cool. Yeah.

That's one of the best doulas. Yeah, absolutely. If you're going to doula, doula it at birth. You can doula at a trot. You can doula at a gallop. You can doula real slow so your heart don't palpitate. Just don't be late. There you go.

Doula the puallop. This overhe't be late. There you go. Doola the Puyallup. This overheard is from a recent house party. From another room in the house, we overheard a couple of folks in the living room getting into a heated discussion, which quickly escalated into an argument. We rushed to the living room in time to hear the guy's last hurled insults. First guy, well, you have a receding hairline. Second guy, oh yeah?

You smell like lavender. Then they descended into a fist fight, which was awesome. One of them was clearly in love with the other one. That's the line that started the fist fight,

the lavender one. You take it back. You smell like lavender. Yeah, well, your eyes are like pools of blue. Yeah, exactly. Your smile lights up a room. You son of a bitch. I'm using this as an excuse to touch your skin with my skin.

Let's fist fight with our mouths. Yeah. Let's fist fight with our mouths. Yeah. And this last one comes from Oran? A-U-R-O-N? Oran? A-U-R-O-N.

Wow. Oran. Yeah. Oran. Yeah, from Madison, Wisconsin. Oh, that name is not going to last in Wisconsin. Yeah. Oron. Yeah. Oron. Yeah, from Madison, Wisconsin. Oh, that name is not going to last in Wisconsin. Yeah. Oron.

You might want to switch it to a Bessie. Aaron. Yeah, Bessie. Or Buddy. Or just Rex. This is an overheard from my coworker. She was coming back to work after lunch. Two young boys, about 10 or 11, were taking a shortcut through our business's parking lot. At the same time, our security guard was doing his rounds, walking through the lot.

As the two parties met, the boys greeted our guard saying, hello, sir. After the security guard had passed, however, the boys had a quick whispered discussion, after which one of the boys turned around and shouted, I'm so gay, I poop rainbirds. And boy number two said, rainbirds? It was a game of telephone that went awry. Oh, yeah.

What was that last word? Was it rainbirds? I think it was rainbirds. Rainbirds? Yeah. Rainbirds. He was supposed to say rainbows, but obviously his accent got in the way. When anyone refers to a security guard as sir, does the security guard know they're being fucked with? Yeah. Oh, hello, sir. Hello, long arm of the law.

Hello, long arm of the law. I think the thing that happens in the states that I noticed that doesn't happen as much in Canada is security guards have badges. Oh, yeah. They also sometimes carry guns. Tasers. Well, they have badges. Like actual – it looks like a police badge, like a metal badge. Security guards here don't have that. They maybe have a temporary name tag.

They have like an FBI-style jacket that says security really big on the back of it. Yeah. And we – sometimes not even that. Sometimes it's just a windbreaker that's like Concord on it. Yeah, it's like a visibility like just covered in reflective tape. Or like one of those weird sweaters that's like a turtleneck that's ribbed that has like the different kind of fabric, like shoulder pieces. Yeah, like a shoulder spandex kind of. Peppalettes.

Have you ever, like in the last, would you say in 2013, have you seen a security guard that is under the age of 60? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see young ones. Where? Because I've only been to like the bank and construction sites where people are just – maybe it's just old time. At the parking lot near where I work, they've got some youngies. Some young guns.

Well, going back to Kingsgate, the liquor store there has a couple younger security guards. And Kingsgate Mall in general has younger security guards. But this is a crazy – That's a real training ground. That's a busy security job. Yeah, there is a lot of shit going on there. It's true. That is true.

About two weeks ago, I went in and he tells me the story and pulls up on his phone the YouTube video. This guy – What kind of a security guard is he if he's taking videos? He's pretty much my YouTube team. Someone else is taking it. No, no, no. Someone else had taken it. Because a guy had come in and he had stolen, you know, all those like the mini bottles that are on top of the big bottles? The perfect crime.

Yeah, the mini bottles. He was just walking around like popping off all those. And he was like a guy who was probably like in his late 50s. And he was like filling his pockets with them, right? All these mini bottles. And he goes to leave the store. His pants fall down. The guy stops him.

Oh, wait for it the guy stops him says you're not going anywhere he's like what and he starts yelling and he's swearing at him and so the the guy had like the actual uh kingsgate mall security comes to so there's two of them kind of standing in front of him and he's like in the middle of like you know it's like the big open uh causeway of mall, like trying to get there out of the liquor store. Now a crowd has formed in like a horseshoe watching this because he's yelling, he's swearing, he's freaking out.

And all of a sudden he just goes completely calm and just drops his pants. And starts masturbating like furiously. The perfect crowd. Exactly. At every step along the way. And this is the video that he shows me on YouTube. It's like someone took a video of it, put it on YouTube, and I forget what it's called.

It's called like Hooch Hooligan at Kingsgate or something. Hooch Hooligan. Hooch Hooligan. Write that down. That's a good point. You see him standing there. You see him standing there and he drops his pants and they just starts going at it. I never watched the whole thing.

I always stop it when I saw that happen. And now he's one of the judges on The Voice. Yeah. It was Blake. It was Blake. It's Shakira and Usher. Adam Levine. And Uchulikin and Uchuligan.

Uchuligan. But he doesn't have a button to press when he likes the voice. He just has to furiously masturbate. Wow. Wow. Kingsgate. Kingsgate Mall. Kingsgate Mall, everybody.

In addition to overheards that we get written to us, we also accept phoned calls. You want to call us? Look. Listen up. You've got a lot of options out there about places you can call with your overheards. And we appreciate you choosing ours. Your choosing ours. The choice is yours.

206-339-8328. Like these people here. Dave Graham, inscrutable guest. This is Luke in Seattle. And I'm calling with an overseen. I was just at the grocery store and I saw two little kids, probably like two and four years old,

two and five years old, little sister and a big brother. And they were in a shopping cart together, and the big brother had a little tub of ice cream that he was putting on his little sister's butt and yelling, cold butt, cold butt, you have a cold butt. Oh man, she hates that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not his normal temperature.

I hate having a cold butt. I wish I was never born. It has to be cold butted. Ooh, he's a cold butted snake. Look into his butt. I really, I think that, he's the older brother. Yeah, of course. He's doing his older brother duty

and it's not even it's not doing any damage although it might be yeah but really is peanut butter that cold no it was ice cream it was ice cream

oh you were on your phone buddy yeah you checked out and checked in at the wrong time yeah but really

it's let me get down I really am inscrutable yeah it's true. Let's get down to the brass tacks of the situation at hand. Peanut butter's not that cold. Would be if you froze it.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Well, here's your next phone call. Try not to text the whole time. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Shannon from Omaha calling in an overheard for the first time in the whole time. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Shannon from Omaha calling in an overheard for the first

time in a long time. I work at a store in the mall and we have to play sort of, you know, generic non-offensive Pandora stations so that nobody you know, everyone can listen to something as they shop. And I was

dusting and there were these two juggalos, which I don't know if you have those in Canada, but they're sort of like white dudes with saggy jeans and white tank tops and are basically just like dudes. And they were walking through the store, and song was playing and one of them said the other one where do i know this song from and then the other one said i think this is in princess diaries and the guy was like oh yeah so um that was beautiful that was before they went full juggalo yeah and sprayed feco on each other. That was a lady from Omaha as well? Yeah.

Two overheards from Omaha on the same podcast? Yeah. Unprecedented. Where does the song go? Omaha! The song goes, Omaha! Omaha! I can barely see the road through the heat coming off it.

I reach down between my legs. Omaha. Do we have juggalos here? We do have juggalos. She asked that, but I've never seen one in Canada. Juggalo, do they have to have the insane clown posse face? That's what a juggalo is. A juggalo is an insane clown posse supporter.

Yeah. Yeahse supporter. Yeah. Yeah, supporter. Like, and they're the people that go to their concerts. Yeah, and paint their faces. What's the gathering? Yeah, and there's also a logo that looks like,

you know, there's like this old logo where it looks like a man with dreads blowing into like a flute, and it's like some, do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, it's a hatchet man. Yeah, it's like a man with dreads blowing into like a flute and it's like some do you know what i'm talking about yeah it's a hatchet man yeah it's the it's like yeah it's a hatchet guy i think his name is hatchet man yeah and culio has it on his bicep all right yeah and i feel like i want to say fred durst also has it on his face.

He got it henna tattooed on his face. He didn't want to commit. But yeah, he went to an Indian wedding. That was his choice. I could go for some henna. Yeah, absolutely. You guys want to just go get some henna? Yeah.

I mean, is that something you can do? Just get loaded up on like tea? And go get some henna done? Yeah, yeah. Get loaded up on a lot of chai tea. Yeah, just like dizzying and then... Are there henna shops? Yeah, like where do you get henna done?

Can you get henna laser removed? Can you get it laser applied? Ooh, laser henna. I feel like henna you might only be able to get done in the privacy of a private practitioner's home. Yeah, well, it's like... Or in a park. Yeah, by some filthy hippie. Those are your two options, either properly or improperly.

It's like a... It's a temporary tattoo. Yeah. And the ink comes from a plant or something. It just stains your flesh. Yeah, it's a temporary tattoo. Yeah. And the ink comes from like a plant or something. It just stains your flesh. Yeah. Yeah, it is. It's like, like when you-

I'm sorry, fart finger. Does that not reach you? I don't want to commit to anything. I'm sorry, fart finger. Yeah, like I have friends who have gone to an Indian wedding. That's really A, the only chance for white people to wear a sari. That's not good. Like any other time, it looks horrible and just like wrong.

Or like flowing silk shirts down to your knees. Yeah. And that's like I would be so on board to go. I don't know. Maybe you should consider becoming an Indian wedding priest. Oh, yeah. Like an official. I don't know who marries them.

Yeah. Yeah. I've been to an Indian wedding reception. And it was incredible. Now, I mean, none of us are experts here. But I gather that a wedding and a reception can be days apart. Yeah. So it's not like in the traditional white wedding where it has to be a nice day for it.

Yeah. But like you go and you do the church part and then you go to a reception right after. Yeah. Am I right about the Indian thing? Like it can be days. Like one could be on a Friday. You've been to one. I went to the Indian wedding. You went to half a one.

I didn't – like at the reception or the part that I went to, there was no ceremony. It was just like – there was like 300 people there. There was a lot of booze, a lot of food. Chicken dance. It was no chicken dance. Butter chicken dance. But at the time, this was like years ago,

a nine-year-old boy in a white suit performed Good Life to the entire audience. And it was by Kanye West. Oh, wow. It was incredible. Have you ever popped champagne on a plane while getting some brain? Oh, wow. It was incredible. Have you ever popped champagne on a plane while getting some brain?

Yeah. Oh, wow. It was great. That does sound great. Well, we wish that couple the best. Yeah. Here's your final overheard. Hey, Dan and Grant and Plausible Ghost.

I have an overheard from a hockey game. Two women talking behind me. Just a hockey game. Two women talking behind me, just regular conversation, and then I heard this quote. I don't want him to think that the baby is crazy. We'll stop putting that hat on him then. That baby's planning something. I think our baby's crazy. He won't stop screaming.

What are the craziest things a baby can do? Everything a baby does is pretty crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Completely insane. Jump the Grand Canyon on a motorcycle. Oh, you mean like, yeah, like. Oh. Yeah.

Tunnel to the center of the earth. Yeah. Like do a skydive in a squirrel suit. Sure. My baby thinks he's Napoleon. That'd be a pretty cute Halloween costume. Baby's first Halloween. Napoleon.

You just tuck his little chubby hand inside the shirt. Aw. Cute. And then, like, strapped into the back of a dog. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's a fun. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's a fun thing. Attention all baby owners. Attention all baby owners. Yeah. More photos of your kid riding a dog like it's a horse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe with blue face paint like he's Braveheart. Oh, sure.

There's all sorts of great- Who are the top five people to ever ride a horse? Robin Hood. Napoleon, Braveheart, Robin Hood. Sure. Arnold Schwarzenegger in True Lies. Oh, that's right. Who are the top five people to ever ride a horse? Robin Hood. Napoleon Braveheart. Robin Hood. Arnold Schwarzenegger in True Lies. Oh, that's right.

Doesn't he take down a plane with the horse? He chases a motorcycle and then jumps it off of a roof. But he doesn't jump it off the roof because the horse stops. It's crazy because that's like how much horsepower is in a motorcycle versus just this one horsepower. Just the haunches of a horse. Yeah. Motor versus just this one horsepower. No. Just the haunches of a horse. Yeah. Motorcycles just have one horsepower. Oh, so it's just an even race. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you guys are wrong. The best person on a horse is Kevin Costner. Oh, in the postman. Nope. Nope. Dance of the wolves. Dance of the wolves. Dance of the wolves.

Yeah. Shot. He takes all the bullets. Who does the horse? Yeah. Kevin Costner does. Yeah, yeah. Kevin of the Wolves. Dance of the Wolves. When he gets shot. He takes all the bullets. Who does the horse? Yeah. Kevin Costner does. Yeah, yeah. Kevin Costner's fine.

Yeah. Kevin Costner puts the horse in front of him. He spreads his arms out, rides in slow motion and says, shoot the horse. Yeah, shoot the horse. He's who you want. I didn't do nothing. It was the horse's idea. Yeah, he really chickens out in that last scene.

Oh, man. They play as dead until everyone leaves. Yeah. And then he goes over to the horse. Are you dead for real? I'm sorry. Oh, how am I going to get home? That horse was my ride.

I'll just take this motorcycle there were some historical inaccuracies this is a silly episode very much so well this brings us to the end of the episode but one thing that I thought would be fun is we're talking about Kingsgate Mall

home of the Hootooligan. And I feel like every town has a Kingsgate Mall, whatever it's called in your town. The worst mall. The worst mall, yeah. The dirt mall. Grubby mall. Yeah, the garbage mall. There's lots of crazies that hang out there.

Like the security guards actually have to secure things. There might be a store there that sells a lot of stripper-style shoes. Oh, sure. There may be a place that exclusively sells clothes to kids that are going to then go to prison. It's just like clothes. You know, it's kind of like... Pre-prison wears? Pre-prison wear, yeah.

Like, it just looks... Like bejeweled shirts of, like, Jesus smoking a joint. Yeah. Thank you. Next to Payless shoes. Yeah, and then also there's, like, I mean, do they still have the Orange Julius that used to be an Orange Julius? And then it was just called Orange Orange. And they still have the hot dogs and everything.

And then they have Santa at Christmas and no one goes. It's like the dirtiest suit that he's wearing. Yeah. Like, I feel like one year I said that I think that there was a Halloween prop that somehow stuck into the Santa Village. It was like, this is repurposed gravestone. And they have two or three different dollar stores. Yeah, yeah. A liquor store and then like something,

I think there's like a halfway respectable store in there, isn't there? There's like a Marshall. Yeah, there's a Marshall Warehouse. There's a Rogers phone store. No, there's just a kiosk. Oh, no. It's a store. Oh, isn't there a library in that mall?

There's now a dentist. There was a library, but that got turned into a rent-to-own furniture store. And it was just the only furniture for sale was bookshelves. So list everything in your local mall. Or the craziest thing that happened in that mall. And yeah, describe. We want to learn about malls, horrible malls around the world. Yeah, your worst mall.

Now, Cam. Yes. You told us about a couple shows coming up. Yeah. Pluck a gay. Pluck a gay. Pluck a gay. You go ahead. Well, what? No, I don't, wait. May 9th? Oh don't wait uh may 9th oh yeah so may 9th uh is the first of a new monthly uh that's going to be um a uh regular thing right ball themed improv show called the dugout

uh featuring hobos and gentlemen which is a improv group with four of us and uh i'll always be a guest on that which is very fun for the summer. It's very close to Nat Bailey Stadium, so if you live in Vancouver, go take in a Canadiens game, come watch an improv show afterwards. Yeah, maybe your guest will be a professional single A ball player. Yeah, exactly. That would be nice. Or Larry Walker.

Oh, yeah. Or Ken Griffey Sr. What? Oh, yeah. Is he playing this summer? Yeah, he's been doing a lot of improv classes. This dude is like a weird Paul. No, and every Sunday and Monday at Havana on Commercial Drive at 8 o'clock, there is shows by Instant Theater and East Van Comedy that are very funny.

Improv and laugh galleries there and a show called Teen Angst and other variety shows. There's so much good stuff happening there. Like I said, you're an empresario. A compact empresario. Yeah. Compact empresario to the bone. Where can people find you if they want to find you online? You can find me at

Clam McCloud on Twitter. At Clam McCloud. Also, you can search Facebook, The Hero Show. That is a quarterly that I do. It is a

very fun solo sketch comedy show. Dave and I both love performing on that show. I love it when you guys come on. Yep. Yep. Get real hard on for that. Gross. Sorry, that's inappropriate. Not really. Keep it in your pants, Ken Griffey Sr.

Dave, anything for you to plug? Nah. Nah, whatevs, right? Oh, I just thought of something. Clam John Oon. Oh, here's something. Here's something. Here's something.

Check out the Too High Crew. It's a rap group that I'm in. It's a fantasy rap group. Fantasy rap group? Oh, did you do a draft? Fantasy. We all have our drafts. It's a fantasy rap group.

We're dropping our new album. When does it drop? In June. Well, you better pick it up. You gotta pick it up. It's hot. It's hot on the shelves. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Free download. Oh, yeah. Free download. Oh, nice. Free download. What's the name of the group again? Too High Crew. The two with the letter two? No, that's like T-O-O. High as in H-I-G-H.

Oh, that is clever. Yeah. Like T-H-C, because we love smoking weed. Oh, I see. Whoa. Psst. We love smoking weed. Yeah, we didn love smoking weed. Oh, I see. Whoa. Psst. We love smoking weed. Yeah, we didn't know that about you.

And you, Graham, anything? It's a lot of fun. Ring-a-ding-dong-dandy on the 15th. Yeah, perfect. And if you like the show, check out the... Those were long plugs. Yeah, sorry about the plugs. That's what somebody said to Donald Trump.

I was trying to get somebody who had plugs. But also long hair. Yeah, but his is longish. Like Kevin James, Jeremy Piven. No, they don't work. Check out the blog recap at MaximumFun.org. Definitely going to have a picture of a compact Presario. Yeah, I think so.

Probably not a link to the Hooch Hooligan video. Absolutely not. It's not. No. No, it's gross. And if you like the show, tell your friends if you need to get in touch with us for any reason. If you need us to babysit, here are the numbers. 9-1-1.

Let's end this show. Just give the real thing. SPY at MaximumFun.org. 206-339-8328. Have a good night. Stop podcasting yourself. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture.

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