Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 298 - Hawksley Workman

Episode Date: December 3, 2013

Musician Hawksley Workman joins us to talk savage housecats, flat tires, and haunted schools....

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 298 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man. Oh, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man. Mr. Dave Shumka.
Starting point is 00:00:36 I make you want to shoop. Yeah, absolutely you do. Are those different songs? Yeah. Yeah. Are those different artists? Nope. Both Salt-N-Pepa.
Starting point is 00:00:44 Was On Vogue not What a Man, What a Man? Yeah. Are those different artists? Was one on Vogue? Nope, both Salt-N-Pepa. Was on Vogue not Whatta Man, Whatta Man? Nope, I guarantee you I was just listening to it on the bus ride here. I... Was on Vogue in the video? Nope. Well, you're not. You're not right about that. No, it's... Wait, do you...
Starting point is 00:01:00 When I say on Vogue, do you not know that they're different from En Vogue? Uh... No, they're both from En Vogue? No, they're both salt and pepper songs. For sure. For sure. All right.
Starting point is 00:01:11 I'm immediately researching this. Oh, man. What a jerk. Wait, which one is about, not this man. He's got the right potion. Baby, rub it down and make it smooth like lotion. Now the ritual, highway to heaven. That's What a Man. That's What a Man. That's What a Man.
Starting point is 00:01:27 And then Shoop is just about a guy that a girl wants to shoop with. What a Man, single by Salt-N-Pepa, TLC, and En Vogue. Oh, I don't believe that. That's not right. There was TLC in that. Nowhere. That's completely,. I was TLC in that. Nowhere. That's like a completely, your facts are all over the map. Wikipedia.
Starting point is 00:01:51 And our guest today, a musician, a very famous musician here in Canada and travels all over the place and has how many albums? 11? 15. 15? I think or 14. Wow. Very talented very happy yeah very prolific the prince of canada yeah mr hoxley workman thank you for having me this is fun yeah thanks for coming um should we get to know us sure Sure. So you are on tour right now.
Starting point is 00:02:29 You're in Vancouver. You've been like hanging out here for a couple of weeks. How do you find it? I love it. You know, I'm here with a theater piece that I wrote a couple of years ago. And, you know, I've been touring Canada for 15 years and been to Vancouver dozens and dozens of times. And I've been lots of places dozens of times. But what I found when you're doing theater, you sit in one place for a couple of weeks. And so I've been walking the streets with a loaded six-string on my back.
Starting point is 00:02:55 Yeah, sorry. It was coming on. A chain wrapped around your knuckles. But it's like, it's incredible. Like, I've totally fallen in love with East Vancouver. Yeah. Mounties, a band I started out here with Steve Bays and Ryan Dahl. The studio we made all that music at is out in East Vancouver.
Starting point is 00:03:14 The culture I've been stationed here with the guy that comes is in East Van. And it just, I think too, there's just an honesty in the portlands. You know, just, it feels gritty in a kind of way that if you're walking around Toronto, it's just not as overt. And it doesn't feel like it still feels functioning. It still feels quite alive. I was here last weekend for Culture Crawl, too. And then to see these buildings open up and to see how many of those storage buildings on the ports are so full of artists and proper old lofts, you know, making stuff. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:49 It's not just storage wars. No. Quality stuff. When are we going to do the storage culture crawl? Oh, man. That would be the great. Yeah. I got some mattresses I got to show you guys.
Starting point is 00:04:03 Now, you said Vancouver, like, it's got kind of a grittiness to it. Mm-hmm. Now, you've been all over the country. What would you say is, like, the grittiest city in Canada? Gritsville. Yeah. Gritsden. Gritstonia.
Starting point is 00:04:20 Yeah. Well, um... Prince Grits. Trail BC. Really? Oh, yeah. It's pretty rough. My mother's hometown.
Starting point is 00:04:31 Is it? Is that right? You know, I was first, I quit high school and I toured with a church musical. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? I know. Jesus Christ Superstar. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:04:44 And I was running, I used to carry a purse. You know, when you're experimenting in your teens with... With keys and all sorts of different carrying rings. Yeah, and I wanted, yeah. And I had, you know, I had books and poetry books and things that I like to have with me at all times. Anyways, I ran across the street and trail and a guy yelled that he had considered shooting me. And that was years ago. Wow.
Starting point is 00:05:06 But then I was back again. And you know what? It is in a beautiful place. It's just, it feels, there's only a handful of places maybe in Canada that have that hopelessness. Glace Bay out east is very much the same. Like there's just, and it's sad too, you know, and inevitably I always end up turning sort of conversation towards politics. But, you know, when I was a kid being raised, my history or geography books, those public school books here teaching about Canada and Canada was a place filled with fishermen and farmers, you know. And politicians even in their campaigns used to talk about fishermen and farmers.
Starting point is 00:05:45 And those words don't even get used anymore. Well, fishermen's friends. Yeah. Yeah. Farmer markets. Yeah. Farmer Ted from Sixteen Candles. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:01 They're trying to catch the retro vote. That's not like an industry anymore. It's all guys working on rigs. So you see these towns that are sort of, you know, have fallen on hard times. But, you know, in terms of major cities, Vancouver has an Amsterdam-ish kind of vibe. There's no two ways about it. Lots of port cities feel the same. You know, you get people getting off boats.
Starting point is 00:06:28 They've been at sea for a long time and they want to blow off steam. It's pretty much the same wherever you go in the world. And Vancouver is no different. And Vancouver too has a lot of incredibly beautiful architecture. And I guess because Toronto had a huge fire, like there's just, it's not as in your face as it is here. What, like recently? I didn't see the news today. I didn't see the news today See that's the thing we don't We do not hear a lot in Vancouver That we have nice architecture A lot of people say that it looks like Like Krypton or something
Starting point is 00:06:55 I love that though Vancouver had a really big fire like a hundred years ago So did Toronto I think But it was a bad year A rough year for Canada Apparently It was like they were clearing out more area to build more stuff. It was when Vancouver was a square block.
Starting point is 00:07:12 Yeah. And so they were just burning all the forests around. And then they burned that one square block by accident. I like it, too, is they had a meeting, I think they decided like well are we gonna i'm gonna go somewhere else or it's funny to rebuild because i look at the whole world as the meeting that happened before the thing that happens on tv or in your town like for me because there's a meeting of people who need to sort of nurture their self-importance like i i it's i can't watch movies i can't see really anything
Starting point is 00:07:45 without thinking about the meeting that led up to it it's um so like in my mind like if you're watching uh a james bond you're like what was the first meeting where they were vetting james bond and seeing like ah those the new movies are probably like like just meetings because it's like there's so much like he's got to drive a Ford for 10 seconds. He's got to wear an Omega watch. Yeah, exactly. The brand of vodka that is in the martini this time, they don't want to be shaken. They're only stirred.
Starting point is 00:08:19 Can we change that? So like you mean that you see the meetings of like if you're watching a movie say yeah I'm trying to come up with an example because I've gone out here and said this is what I think
Starting point is 00:08:34 and I can't I can't come up with exactly oh we're gonna hold you we would need to be holding hands in life for a week and I would go this is what I meant
Starting point is 00:08:45 that there was a meeting to decide this thing that's why I never say what I think it's dangerous people want examples it's funny you say that that whole
Starting point is 00:08:55 say what you think is dangerous thing because I actually don't think that's entirely untrue oh yeah give me an example
Starting point is 00:09:01 well I don't know it feels like again I turn it untrue. Oh yeah? Give me an example. Well, I don't know. It feels like, again, I turn it to politics, it feels that the truth element is like people would just prefer to have truth be watery and gray,
Starting point is 00:09:20 I'd say. And when anybody does sort of speak up, and we're living in such politically correct times where our language is being examined. And also, too, we're under much more surveillance in some ways. Like my photo was being taken. All of our photos are being taken more often. Wait, right now? Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:09:37 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave. Put your pants back on. Am I right? Am I right? But, yeah. So, like. But isn't it, like, aren't people now just putting what they think all the time everywhere?
Starting point is 00:09:53 Yeah. Like, right? People, yeah, people. If everybody's saying what they think all the time, then doesn't it just kind of, like, become, like, kind of a white noise? Well, I guess that's true. of a white noise. Well, I guess that's true. Like, you know, when I was walking here, I was meditating on not being a real bummer,
Starting point is 00:10:10 but... And how did you come out of that? What was your ultimate decision? It's funny. I've been seeking the light lately. This has been my thing. Like, because I have a really interesting life, but I tend to wake up in the morning and my default position is dark. Or self-loathing. Hail Satan.
Starting point is 00:10:36 It's not that. But I'm realizing that I can decide to enjoy my life. Yeah. It's actually a decision it's like it's like some people are chemically like they're they're built purpose built to just be happy people right what's wrong with those people i think they're incredible to be honest with you i'd i'd love to have a few sips of their thing yeah but just a few sips though right you wouldn't want to like because it's like those people that are happy they're just like all the time happy yeah and then it's like what's the point but is that because
Starting point is 00:11:09 if you're fundamentally a grump then these happy people like they rub you the wrong way because they present an alternative which it's actually an effort to get there, right? Like it's easier to not. Honestly, I sort of feel like I've been, you know, in my version of self-loathing I've lived with for my entire life. And it's like it becomes an addiction. It's your identity. It's the story you've told to yourself about yourself. And it's like, yeah, this is who I am.
Starting point is 00:11:41 This is what I do. But then when it's like, well, you know what? You're like, I'm all right. This is okay. Yeah. But then when it's like, well, you know what? It's, you're like, I'm all right. This is okay. Yeah. Dave and I both think you're all right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:50 Thank you. Yeah. I think you're all right. Dave, back at you. Um, yeah, I,
Starting point is 00:11:56 I, there is something about that. Like the waking up, like what's the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning? And if you ever keep track of that, which I never have, but, uh, what do you think is the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning and if you ever keep track of that which i never have but uh what do you think is the first thing you think uh oh do you get up when you wake up no okay no and it's everything becomes a shrewd calculation of how much more time i can spend in bed and like to the minute and like can i can a human fall asleep in a minute and just have a minute of sleep?
Starting point is 00:12:27 And all those type of experiments. It's funny you say that because my wife, when we first met, she was working a 9 to 5 type thing. And she used the snooze feature on the alarm clock. use the snooze feature on the alarm clock. For me, I'm woken up by anxiety, and then I'm immediately reintroduced to my Rolodex of potential concerns for the day. And then I can quickly shuttle through, and then bang. This is why I've woken up anxious because of this one.
Starting point is 00:12:57 You still use a Rolodex in this day and age. You should go digital with your anxieties. Where she could hit snooze. And I think snooze is what, nine minutes or something? Like to me, a nine minute investment in sleep is, it's not a consideration for me. There's maybe 14 cells in my entire body that think that's a good idea. That nine more minutes. Like, it's not a, it's not, there's no purpose for me.
Starting point is 00:13:28 Do you think about the meeting that went into how they came up with nine minutes? This is a wonderful example. This is the kind of example that I like. Okay. Because a lot of times I think, you know, expert panelists and people brought into these meetings and slide presentations and things like this. Probably PowerPoint in this day and age. Your Rolodex, your slide presentation. Presentation, if you will.
Starting point is 00:13:51 But, yeah, it probably was a meeting, like nine minutes. Yeah, you're right. Oh, like when the group was like, okay, snooze button. Yeah. I'm thinking ten minutes, and somebody was like, what about nine minutes? Well, because in your brain you're like 9 30 well that's if you have to set the alarm at 9 30 i envy you uh but if it's like yeah i've got a one o'clock meeting i'm gonna get up get my two hour long shower if it's 6 30
Starting point is 00:14:19 and then the next time you look up at 6 40, your mind's like, wait, have I been up awake already? But if it goes in nine minute increments, it makes you use your brain. Again, confirming my point that like this nine minute thing, if you're left to fall asleep with like a difficult math problem to solve, to try and figure out in increments of nine, like how many snoozes can I have before I actually have to get up? Like, again, what's the point? Like I'm not going to fall asleep because I'm going to be counting by nines. This is true. Some people use their iPhone now
Starting point is 00:14:55 and it can give you a message when you wake up. Oh, really? Like it'll be like, hey. Hey, handsome. Time to wake up. And then you set another one for 15 minutes later. No, seriously, come on. Does it say it or it just comes up as a type?
Starting point is 00:15:09 It'll come up on type, yeah. Maybe it says it. I don't use it. Because that would be a good way to rejig your first thought of the day. You are lazy. No, you type in like, hey, great job at sleeping. Something encouraging is the first message of the day. It could help you, like, find that positive place to begin the day.
Starting point is 00:15:31 Again, it's that default setting. Like, instead of worrying about things that aren't worth worrying about, why don't you be glad that this day could be a brand new opportunity for you to be a good person. You should get somebody that you know, like, write something nice on a piece of paper, and then put it in an envelope, and then that's the first thing you do in the morning is you read that thing. You're like, oh, that's pretty good. Oh, you should have, yeah, put your phone
Starting point is 00:15:56 in the envelope. Yeah. And that way when it goes off in the morning you have to open it. You're so devoted to incorporating technology into your life. He wants something romantic. Graham's all about putting a paper into a... Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:11 This is the meeting that leads to the phone envelope. Yeah, the phone-velope. Guys, mark the time code on that because we are patenting phone-velope. Some of the best short increments of sleep I've ever had have been like Guys, mark the time code on that because we are patenting phone-valope. Some of the best short increments of sleep I've ever had have been like on the bus or like... Yeah, in modes of transportation.
Starting point is 00:16:32 Yeah, but just like even like 10 minutes. Graham's a bus driver. Yeah. It's his day job. He's overworked. That's his day job. He's overworked. I wake up every day at 6.30, but I will wake up at 6.25 just from the dog staring at me. He's not making any noise.
Starting point is 00:16:56 I can just feel it on my face. What does he want? He wants to go pee. Oh, yeah. So he wants what we all want. Yeah, that's true. We have cats. It's the same thing.
Starting point is 00:17:08 Every day is a different day. Apparently, I'm not home, obviously, but I always ask for the report on the two animals. And today was a day that they allow to sleep in. Typically, that doesn't happen. Typically, it's a circus at around six, and it's a pee and eat circus. They're going to fall asleep right after anyways. They don't give a shit. Time is irrelevant to cats.
Starting point is 00:17:30 When you're sleeping 20 hours a day, it really is sort of just... Yeah. You got, when you're up, you need to go, go, go. Yeah, I got to get things done. Buy, sell. What are your two cats' names? I sell. What are your two cats' names?
Starting point is 00:17:54 Well, Lola and Miss, but I'm, you know, I came from a family that chronically renamed and had pet names for the pets. So for me, it was like the name was more a stepping stone to the pet name. So Lola, my wife's cat, she had Lola before she met me. But for me, Lola instantly was oldie. And Miss, who is a cat we sort of inherited from the outside, she's part wild. She's a real nut and a real treat to have in the house. And she's struggling now because she doesn't like the snow. So her outdoor life has been cut off. So she's in a transition phase and you'll see these bleak looks on her when she realizes her wildness is disappearing.
Starting point is 00:18:28 And Miss also has a clipped ear because where we live, veterinarians will come in and we'll sort of spay and neuter barn cats in bulk. So we know she was a barn cat. You get it. It's cheaper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we know that she was a ray gun. Miss is something. Miss is skinny and lithe and her instincts are spectacular.
Starting point is 00:18:52 And she, for some reason, has the inside scoop on putting a massively annoying wake up on you when she needs it. Like she knows to dance on kneecaps, dance on testes. She's, yeah, she can somehow take her and she's tiny and lithe, but somehow that six pounds or seven pounds, she can focus with, with, with great acuteness, like at the pressure point that she wants to wake you up. Oh, sure. Absolutely. Any, any poundage on your testicles. Yeah. I should get like, I put a few grams on at a time.
Starting point is 00:19:25 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great, I'm a wafer. Yeah, yeah. I make s'mores on my mallows. Does this wildcat bring you rats, squirrels, newspaper? Does this wildcat bring you rats, squirrels, newspaper? We are, you know, my wife and I are also bird fanatics. What does that mean?
Starting point is 00:20:00 It means that we are fanatical about watching the comings and goings of the birds in our yard. And because we live in the deep, deep rurals and we live on an old farm property, we keep bird feeders up and we're very devout. We keep them filled. We love to watch the winter songbirds come. We were enjoying the birds at the feeder
Starting point is 00:20:15 through spring until it invited the bears into the yard. So we had to take... Then you watch the bears come and go, which is kind of phenomenal. And the bears invited
Starting point is 00:20:24 the hunters. Now they're shooting at the windows. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so, I mean, anyways, so being bird lovers, and I've also trained the whiskey jacks that come to our yard to eat out of my hands, so we have a real personal connection with these animals. And so the thought of Miss eating the birds is, it's a real struggle. So the first thing she brought to the door was a dead snake she'd killed.
Starting point is 00:20:53 She'd killed the garter snake. What? And she was flicking in the air with like, it was like a sick glee, you know, just, and the snake would be flicked into the air like a, you know, like a wet shoelace. And it was like, like unbelievable. Wowelace. And it was like unbelievable. Wow. Yeah. And so she has killed.
Starting point is 00:21:08 We know. She will kill again. She will kill again. It's an ongoing conversation in our house because Miss returned from one of her bush days back in the summer with blood on her white chest. And it's like, wow. I mean, clearly she's been out on a bin. I don't want her killing things. You know, I try not to take it personally.
Starting point is 00:21:33 Yeah. Because I like to think that I'm giving back to the environment, not taking away. But Miss and her instinct, again again it's a fascinating thing to behold so yeah also they're animals they're animals like it doesn't really matter what you want yeah like the birds don't care what you want the cats don't care what you want also if anybody comes and asks you and say like i just such a quiet cat i never expected it to be yeah he was the last one yeah to be murdering. Yeah, I had read actually that dogs are truly domestic.
Starting point is 00:22:10 And cats, scientifically, and I could be wrong. I'm sure that you have a vast listenership in scientists and you're likely to hear back. And cats. And cats. Mostly scientists. They can't be domesticated technically. The cats basically just, their life is a learned tolerance of human existence. It's like, oh, well, you're here every day and...
Starting point is 00:22:34 Oh. So they'll be the first to jump ship if aliens take over. Cats will be like, well, these are the new guys in town. See you later, humans. And the dogs will be like, protect me. Protect me from the alien. Exactly. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:51 I never. There's a. There's like. Did I talk about this? This experiment with the trying to create the domestic fox? I. Yeah. I think.
Starting point is 00:23:02 That's your mom. What's that? That's your mom. The domestic fox? Yeah. That's your mom? What's that? That's your mom. The domestic fox? Yeah. That's a pretty good nickname. Yeah, she would love to have that nickname. Is it...
Starting point is 00:23:11 Well, you tell... Was it the Russian thing? Yeah, well... Where they went to space with these foxes. Nope, different thing. Oh, okay. I had a huge dream the other night. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:22 Sometimes, you know how you'll channel a dream... Like, you'll... you'll channel a dream? I'm sure there was a board meeting that leads up to this. Absolutely. Where you have a particularly... Kind of an inception, if you will. You have a week of intense dreaming. Like, for some reason, deeper colors, deeper everything, more memories. And I have such a vivid recollection of a dream I had, like, about almost a week ago,
Starting point is 00:23:42 of my yard filled with foxes and some of them were sick as well. So that's where it ends. No, but that's, that's gotta mean something. Just barfing everywhere. Well, a couple of years ago I had a sickly fox that would pass through the yard almost daily and he was molting and he looked ill. And the thing is about those kinds of animals, foxes can be domestic. we have one that visits our compost and he likes to chomp on anything that sort of has a bit of grease left on it your life sounds fantastic yeah yeah like all of these like watching the birds come and go
Starting point is 00:24:18 it's like you just look out the window all day we We look out the window a lot. Wow. Yeah. You know, in many ways, my grandma, Gladys Huxley, who's been dead now maybe 10 years, we spent a lot of time with her. And she was one of those, like, grandmas who, like, storybook kind of grandma. She was a bird watcher. She made things by hand. She, you know know built bows and arrows for my brother and i she let us wear makeup we rolled cigarettes with her like she but she noticed the comings and goings of animals in the seasons and for some reason i think too growing up in the bush as a kid and we only had two or three television channels that we could get
Starting point is 00:25:03 and and our family was like one of the last families I knew in my school to get a color TV. So there was a lot of, um, I just think outdoor living and real attention paid to that. And so I live in the bush now, but I grew up really like a 10, 12 kilometers away from where I currently live. So it's sort of, I think just was part of the rural, the rural. But isn't that, that's like so many, you know, like you always talk to people like, I just wish I could have a place outside of the city away from the bullshit and the, you're doing
Starting point is 00:25:35 it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing it. And it's mostly great. Like, you know, but the problem is, is that lived in toronto for 20 years i lived in paris for a minute uh you gotta you gotta be there for more than a minute well a few minutes there's a boardroom sure but um yeah so i like i i love urban comfort there's no two ways about it and
Starting point is 00:26:02 so there's parts of uh rural existence that are frustrating. Internet's ugly still. Like I know that there was some promise that, you know, ruralites would have the kind of internet that urban people enjoy. That's not true. It's slow. It's expensive.
Starting point is 00:26:16 It's wood's ear. Yeah. So when we first got our, we have a, we have a, like basically it's a, it's an, it's a cell phone antenna that provides internet for the house.
Starting point is 00:26:26 And our first provider, Rogers, awful. It was pretty good during the winter. And then come spring, the internet was starting to really get spotty. And so we make a phone call and they said, well, yeah, that's bound to happen. Because once the leaves come back on the trees, the internet's really going to slow down. Because once the leaves come back on the trees, the internet's really going to slow down. So it's like, we still deal with that, that version of like rural reality. That was their excuse. That when the leaves, and that's just across the board.
Starting point is 00:26:55 That's how things work up there. Well, it's like the animals come and go, the internet as well. I thought it was going to be like, oh, well, you know, everyone visits from the city when the summers, when it's summertime. And so they're all sharing the same internet. Nope. No, it's the leaves. Yeah. The tree people.
Starting point is 00:27:14 What were you going to say about foxes domesticating? Oh, sorry. Oh, yeah. Well, they did this. They're doing this long-term experiment. Many generations of foxes to see, you know, they're breeding the ones that relate well to people with other ones that relate well to people. And they've basically created these two camps of foxes. There's like a really well-domesticated group.
Starting point is 00:27:40 And then the exact opposite, ones that hate humans more than the average fox and they don't they don't know what to do with this they they have the ones that could be pets and then this uh well more rabbit yeah it's cool well i heard the thing i heard was this russian experiment i think in the 60s where they took these foxes and uh they only bred the ones that related well to humans. And within like 10 generations, they had developed like dog bodies and like floppier ears. Yeah, right. Like the more domesticated ones just became dogs. It's amazing, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:28:20 Like the desperation in humans, like, look, it likes me. Whether it's foxes or monkeys or any animal. A monkey that likes you? You're in a fat city, man. The cigar smoke gets on your nerves, but other than that, it's amazing. He wants it. He wants to smoke.
Starting point is 00:28:40 I can't help it. He showed up smoking. I wish he'd quit, to be honest. But I do like that organ grinding. He grinds a mean organ. That was en vogue, though. No, you're never
Starting point is 00:28:56 gonna grind it. There's a retirement home for chimps. For chimps. Showbiz chimps. And it's half nature. And it's half nature preserve and it's half like a condo because they watch TV and they smoke.
Starting point is 00:29:12 Why did I picture Jerry Mathers when you said there's a retirement home for chimps? Jerry Mathers from Leave it to Beaver? Yeah, he's there too. He's got those cheeks. Yeah, it's a lot of child actors and apes all coexisting. I wonder what he's up to, Jerry Mathers.
Starting point is 00:29:33 I feel like even in the 80s, there was a real nostalgia for Leave it to Beaver. Do you think there's a nostalgia for the nostalgia? Oh, boy, do I miss that nostalgia. Remember, remember, remembering. Do you think there's a nostalgia for the nostalgia? Oh boy, do I miss that nostalgia? Remember what we used to remember? I just caught a couple episodes. We also, I mean, I don't want to go on about my rural existence, but we've opted out of cable television. And since we don't have the kind of robust internet that supports Netflix, we're kind of TV free. We don't have the kind of robust internet that supports Netflix.
Starting point is 00:30:04 We're kind of TV free. So when I have a hotel, I do spend a lot of time watching TV and reacquainting with the old safe place. And I've caught a couple Leave it to Beavers, and it really is an astounding show. Like of all the shows you go back and rewatch. That's my urban experience. Whenever I'm in Vancouver, I love to just watch Leave it to Beavers. I mean, that's what's so gritty about this place. Now, what's good about Leave it to Beaver? There's so much good about it.
Starting point is 00:30:36 I mean, even if it is, in fact, even a remotely accurate picture of what existence for a kid was like in that time. Like Ward, I think, is exceedingly accepting of the Beave. Like I think that- Ward's the dad, right? Ward's the dad. Who's the brother? No, no, he lives in a ward.
Starting point is 00:30:55 Beaver has gone to a- Is Wally, Wally's brother? Wally's the older brother. Yeah, Eddie Haskell's the charming neighbor. Yeah. Okay. All right. But I think that like, I think probably there was,
Starting point is 00:31:08 I mean, not to bring the discussion down, my guess is there was probably more violence in those households in reality. Oh, in reality. I was like, oh, I never saw that episode. So in two episodes, I saw Ward actually, because the beeve took a ring from his aunt. It was an heirloom and it got broken at school.
Starting point is 00:31:29 Right. And he blamed the black kid and everyone believed him. Ward said, you got to write your aunt a letter describing what has happened and taking responsibility for you ruining the family heirloom. He writes a letter and then Ward realizes Beeves learned his lesson. He crumples the letter up in front of him in a dramatic fashion and then kisses the Beeve on the cheek. And it was like, I just, I don't know. I don't picture like the relationship between fathers and sons in the 50s as being kissy.
Starting point is 00:32:01 Right. No, well, now on TV, there's a lot more dad-son kissing. Yeah, it's true. I mean, I know you don't have cable, but that's like, there's a whole channel. There's a reality show, Kistervention. Now, like, there were shows from that same era like the Honeymooners
Starting point is 00:32:28 was all about a guy who threatens to beat his wife yeah but you know when the cameras aren't on the cameras are supposed
Starting point is 00:32:38 like I don't think they're still doing the show when the cameras aren't on yeah well those characters were so real. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:47 But he would always, in front of people, too, he would threaten that he was going to beat her up. Oh, yeah. And that was just, that was like his catchphrase. To the moon. Gonna punch you in your face, I think was the catchphrase. I'm going to spousally abuse you. I'm gonna splitty your lip. As soon as these cameras turn off.
Starting point is 00:33:06 Ethel. I don't remember. But yeah, was the... I haven't seen... I think I've seen like one episode of Leave it to Beaver, so I don't really know what. I used to watch... Like, I would see that and I Love Lucy. And like the only things that were like from before my time that I watched were that, I would see that and I Love Lucy. And, like, the only things that were, like, from before my time that I watched were that, I Love Lucy, The Monkees, and...
Starting point is 00:33:32 Did you watch Three's Company? That was... Well, I don't know how old you guys are, but that's basically of my time. Yeah. Okay. I guess it's a bit before my time. But what was it? You mean, like, The Black and Whites?
Starting point is 00:33:42 I used to watch... The Monkees wasn't black and white No, it was color, I think But like Get Smart Oh, Get Smart Oh, Gilligan's Island Yeah And I
Starting point is 00:33:50 We had So Channel 8 And we had a rotor So I don't know Do you remember those? The ying, ying, ying, ying, ying, ying, ying, ying, ying, ying, ying, ying I had the The kind where you would just go
Starting point is 00:34:00 Ka-kunk I had a Ka-kunker Where you And It was just You had 13 channels on it. So you didn't have an antenna with a rotor. It's got a motor and then it moves the antenna to catch
Starting point is 00:34:14 the waves of the other cat. So my brother and I would sit and scientifically, well it wasn't scientific I guess, really was it? But I mean, one guy would run the rotor and it was a box that ran a motor on top of the roof of your house that had the antenna on it. And then you could sort of rotate that thing
Starting point is 00:34:31 365 degrees. And so with those three channels, it wasn't just willy nilly firing up that channel. You hit the channel and then you have to move the rotors that the antenna receives that particular channel. If you only have three, then your life as a child is busy. You're focused.
Starting point is 00:34:48 Because on a good day, we could get Channel 4. And Channel 4 had proper cartoons. The three channels we got had more educational type shows for kids, which were a real drag. A real bummer. I know. And Arthur Rankin Jr. cartoons, which were great. I loved Rocket Robin Hood. I loved Hercules. I loved Rocket Robin Hood. I loved Hercules.
Starting point is 00:35:06 I loved all that stuff. But it seemed like realer cartoons were on Channel 4. And so, you know. So what was a realer cartoon? I think maybe more American stuff like Tom and Jerry and things like that. Looney Tunes. Yeah. We didn't get that stuff.
Starting point is 00:35:20 Wow. But did you come from Ontario? No, I'm from here. Okay. Because in Ontario, at least when I was a kid, CKVR, Channel 8 showed I Love Lucy at 1130 AM and Leave it to Beaver at noon. And if you had a sick day from school, you'd be able to catch those. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:38 It was, I mean. Now you just watch The View. Yeah. Like they don't even have soap operas anymore. Yeah. What does a sick kid watch now? Netflix? Yeah. Or, they don't even have soap operas anymore. Yeah. What does a sick kid watch now? Netflix? Yeah, or they play a video game.
Starting point is 00:35:49 Pornography? Yeah. Anything they want, basically. Because, yeah, I would watch whatever would be on in the morning. Talk shows, right? You're like a Jenny Jones-esque. Sally, Jesse, Raphael, those types of things. Donahue.
Starting point is 00:36:07 Yeah, I would just do one after another. Ricky Lake, all the way until four o'clock, Oprah, and back to bed. You were talking about American cartoons and getting the good stuff. I heard this thing recently about where the word Nimrod comes from and how it became an insult. Because Nimrod, I forget where it comes from, but originally it was the name of this great hunter. Right. Yeah. And then Elmer Fudd would be chasing Bugs Bunny and Bugs Bunny would call him Nimrod.
Starting point is 00:36:39 Hey, Nimrod. Like sarcastically. Right. And kids wouldn't get the reference. And so Nimrod just became this insult for whoever. Pretty good. Well, it's automatic, right? Like it sounds to me when I, as a kid, when I would say Nimrod,
Starting point is 00:36:53 it could have easily been replacing numbnuts or something like that. Like it feels like something bad. I think, doesn't Nimrod go back to cradle of civilization? Is it not? It's an old. It's old. Yeah. It's like something you would see in, doesn't Nimrod go back to Cradle of Civilization? Is that not, it's a, it's old. It's old. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:37:07 it's like, it's something you'd see in the stars. Top ten hunters. Yeah. Yeah, and then they say like, I don't know,
Starting point is 00:37:14 I remember when the Wonder Years introduced me to the insult, scrote. Yeah. And that really like, Oh,
Starting point is 00:37:18 and like a, we're learning what a bunghole actually is. Or like discovering the dill weed in your parents' spice cabinet. Yeah, and just laughing.
Starting point is 00:37:28 Laughing, laughing. Because if you're forbidden to swear as a kid or use really like proper insults, you are looking for things that sound remotely insulting. And those are better. They are in a way because I think you feel it. I was just talking about I had a grade seven teacher who threw the word clown around. And like if you drop a heavy clown on a guy, it really hurts. And the way he could say that word, he would lower the self-worth of a kid instantly. Clown.
Starting point is 00:37:59 And it would just, oh, it hurt. Yeah. It hurt worse than just clown. It's the way that you say it. Like, I think my dad would once in a while call us a doughhead. Right. And you're like, on its own. That's just because you were blonde.
Starting point is 00:38:13 Yeah. Yeah. And I also have this doughy face. But he, yeah, doughhead, like, really, really had some gravitas to it. My dad, we were a non-swearing family as well and what were the ones that we had like oh i just remember my dad in traffic uh the guy in front of him like was like waiting for way too big of a gap to make a move and my dad would go take a chance turkey breath which just came out of turkey.
Starting point is 00:38:46 Calling someone a turkey was something people used to do. But turkey breath just means that you just ate some turkey. Maybe he's too full of tryptophan. Too sleepy to make the turn. So Dave, what's going on with you, man? This week has been a week of flat tires yep fat choirs and vampires uh no i i just uh i've had a lot of like i had a flat tire on monday i went to your show at the uh uh havana now you're not talking about when somebody steps on the back of your shoe. Oh, that's so annoying. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:34 What, like I drove to work that morning and I felt my tire felt weird or like there was a rumbling in my tummy. Yeah. And I checked and it was fine. And then later that day it was fine. And then I went to your show. And as soon as I left your show, I got back into traffic and I was just like, this feels weird. Yeah. Like something's wrong.
Starting point is 00:39:50 And I got out of the car and I had a flat tire and I'm just like totally not equipped to deal with this. Just started crying. Like you live in the wilderness. You know how to do things probably. You know how to change a tire. I've changed some tires. I've changed twice. Oh, wow. In my life.
Starting point is 00:40:06 But you know how, where to put the jack and all that kind of stuff. I mean, it's an approximation. You know, the thing is that my dad was not a handy dad. That's a good answer. Butterknife handy dad. Hey, handy dad. Way to go, handy dad. Make the turn, take a
Starting point is 00:40:21 chance, handy dad. Breath. My dad was more of a kissy dad. Like Ward Cleaver. Smoochie dad. So I've learned a lot of handiness. In fact, I remember the first time my woman called me handy and it was like, there could have been no hotter thing to me to be called.
Starting point is 00:40:46 It was like... Well, you're a handy workman. You should change your name to handy workman. Oh, you could have a show on the Outdoor Life Network. Oh, yeah. That'd be hot. And I'm looking for a spinoff. There is a value in
Starting point is 00:41:02 knowing how to do stuff and that's I think the thing like, you know, again, I always bring this back to politics. You really do. I do. This urban-rural divide that tends to be sort of like one of these easy-to-grab political devices I never bought into. One of these cleavages. That's what my political science professor called political division. Cleavage.
Starting point is 00:41:26 And then he would touch his throat a lot. Wow. Oh. The course notes will be left on the website once I speak with the webmeister. That was another big word. Anyway, go ahead. Talk about your cleavages. Oh, yeah. Well, you know,
Starting point is 00:41:48 so I grew up alongside these people and for whatever reason my family didn't we didn't hunt and we didn't collect maple syrup and we didn't do some of the things that a lot of our neighbours would do. It didn't mean
Starting point is 00:42:04 that we were raised without sort of a deep respect for this, the way that, you know, these skills and the way they lived. And so, you know, when I think about this political divide, that politicians love to make this a battle between the city and the country. So even the country would win. I think the country would win too. think the country would win, too. They win at the moment. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:26 Yeah. So I think, you know, like, because my neighbors are all, like, it is a survivalist lifestyle up there. It still is. I still have to push my car out of snowbanks. I still have to, like, you still have to live on a- Fend off wolves. I haven't had to fend off-
Starting point is 00:42:43 Domesticate foxes. But I have had to fend off bears. What? Well, yeah. That's way worse. Well, than a wolf. Well, wolves are pack animals, so you're going to fend off a whole pack.
Starting point is 00:42:52 Yeah, yeah, that's true. But I smell like honey and bears, really. Yeah, you look exactly like a picnic basket. So you know how to change a tire. I've changed tires. Like I said, there's people that have an intimacy with vehicles and they like. Those are some strange. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:16 There's a guy who's had sex with over 400 cars. I saw a documentary on him. I've been forced into changing tires twice. Once in Canada, once in New Zealand. Oh, wow. So I'm international. I'm international. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:43:33 Yeah. So, yeah. All the screws go the other way. Yeah. It still took a minute to figure it out, but I did do it. And in fact, there was a peacock watching me and I was in the rain. So it was stressful. So was this a dream?
Starting point is 00:43:45 No, no, it really happened. So my tire was flat and then Abby was like, I said, should we call BCAA and get, you know, a man to fix this car for me? Yeah. Like a country man? Yeah. Like a handy worker.
Starting point is 00:44:04 Yeah. And my, like a handy man? Yeah. Like a handy worker. Yeah. And my, like a handy dad. Yeah. Abby, my wife, said, no, we can make it to a gas station. She doesn't have a driver's license. She doesn't know. She just doesn't know anything. So I'm like, okay.
Starting point is 00:44:20 And then we drive. I don't know why I took her word for it. We drive. It's not really close. Like 10, 15 blocks to a gas station. I get out. The tire is steaming. Really hot.
Starting point is 00:44:33 Yeah. That's not good. And like I make a turn and I'm like, I feel it's, you can just sort of feel the rubber moving or like twisting. You get a lot of sparks over here on the driver's side. And so I go to the air pump and I'm like, I don't know how big a hole is in this thing. Like if it's going to take air, it takes air. But like after you drove on it.
Starting point is 00:44:55 Yeah, I fill it up. And then I'm like, it had just leaked all the air out, you know, within 90 minutes earlier that evening. So I just want to make it home, and it's fine. And then the next morning, it's still full, and I'm like, oh, well, maybe my tire's fine. But I made sure that I went to Canadian Tire, and I got some of it. There's this, like, fill your tire with a can. Yeah. And it sprays, like, glue into your tire. a can and it sprays glue
Starting point is 00:45:25 into your tire and soda and air and it said so I got two cans of this stuff and I was going to wait for my tire, next time my tire ran out of air
Starting point is 00:45:40 I was just going to use it again or use this stuff and see if it worked. And for like two more days, my tire was fine. And then on Thursday morning, I was all out of air and I was like, oh, well, that's fine. I've got this tire inflator in a can. So I hooked it up, had this flat tire, hooked up this thing, pushed the button, and nothing came out. Oh, no. And apparently it just doesn't work at below zero. Oh, so you had to get a guy to come and move it.
Starting point is 00:46:11 I'm sorry. Then I had to call a real man. Yeah. Call a guy. I needed somebody to take a look at my can. Yeah. Take a look at my sweet cans. And so, yeah, I had to call a guy from BCAA.
Starting point is 00:46:27 And he came and fixed it. It took him two minutes. Yeah. And then I was like, do I tip? Is this a guy I'm supposed to tip? Yeah, why not? You had a tip issue. Well, it's a free service.
Starting point is 00:46:41 Like, well, I pay an annual fee. And then I was like, I don't know. It is a service. It's like a haircut or a pizza delivery. Do you tip the guy? I don't think it is that. Well, I had $5. Okay. And when he was done, I was like, well, here you go.
Starting point is 00:46:56 Thanks very much. And he said, oh, you don't have to do that. And then I was like, I had a moment where I was like, well, this moral decision, like, is this guy going to get fired if he accepts a tip? And I just said, just take it. Yeah. But I said it all shitty.
Starting point is 00:47:11 Like, just take it. I'm trying to be nice. Now I'm a bad guy. So that was my week of flat tires. Wow. A real adult week. Yeah, man. I didn't do anything adult.
Starting point is 00:47:22 I got a real man to do stuff for me. No, but a less adult person would have kept just driving around on that flat tire for days and days and days. It's amazing, though, isn't it? I mean, I don't have a facility with computers. I'm able to use them for their, like for the few things that I like to use them for. Emails. I record music on them.
Starting point is 00:47:48 I've learned how to do that. But if something doesn't work quite right, I still shut it off and turn it on again. Like, but it's amazing to think too that still like
Starting point is 00:48:00 if there is a car issue, it's like maybe overnight it will solve itself. And it's amazing. I think that it's either a testament to the Japanese. That's funny you say that. When I was in Tokyo, which is arguably the most, it is the most incredible place I've ever been. And I've been to lots of interesting places.
Starting point is 00:48:22 When I was in Tokyo, what hit me hard because in Tokyo, I don't know if you've been there or not, and I was only there for a week, and that was like about six, seven years ago. Anyways, there's different parts of the city, and this is the part where you go to do this, and this is the part where they do that. And there's even like a place, a part of Tokyo where they make all of the plastic food for the world for plastic food displays, right? Oh, wow. That comes out of Tokyo. And then there's an electronics district in Tokyo as well, which is amazing
Starting point is 00:48:53 because you can get Russian vacuum tubes all the way up to the most incredible cutting-edge kind of technological stuff. Like new Russian. Yeah, the newest kind. The latest Russian video game system. So you know how we all learn to program the VCR for our parents? Yeah. And there's different pages. And we know that you toggle through pages
Starting point is 00:49:19 and then you toggle within that page to do this thing. So the architecture of the creation of that, the technological architecture of programming VCRs is almost in our DNA. Yeah. But I think that it had to have been a Japanese creation. And when I was in the, the technology section of Tokyo, it hit me how many parts of technology I've just absorbed. And a lot of it
Starting point is 00:49:46 was just, oh, if I pick this thing up, I know that I have to scroll a page, do that. And we're used to this technological architecture. And it's a language that we've all sort of just by accident have kind of learned. And then it hit me like, it has to have come from an elementally from Japanese thinking. And it's in us, right? But isn't it also that it was only successful because it was already in us? I'm interesting. I don't know that. Oh, well.
Starting point is 00:50:14 Well, the thing is, is that I did teach old people to, I had a friend who dealt Mac computers. Teach your old people? A friend of mine dealt Mac computers in the 90s, and I bought a... You say that like they're drugs. Hey. And I wanted... And he said, look, I couldn't afford them, but he said, how about you help me teach... He teaches old people to use computers.
Starting point is 00:50:39 And I was like, well, I don't know a whole lot about computers. He's like, no, no, no. You know more than they do. Yeah. What they were being taught, and he said, no. You know more than they do. Yeah. They were being taught, and he said, here's the thing. To write their own tombstone. Awful.
Starting point is 00:50:54 All the leading coffin websites. We grew up with joysticks, he said. And so we have a fundamental understanding of we move this thing, and we watch a screen and the way that we're moving this thing moves a thing on the screen. He said, that is something that is generationally ours and ours alone. He said, what we are going in to teach these people was I had to teach them how to use the mouse. And so they would move the mouse and I say, no, no, no, don't look at your hand, look at the screen and then watch what happens when you move. And then inevitably they would keep watching their hand. Like,
Starting point is 00:51:31 no, no, no. Here's the thing is that I like my hand, but we did grow up with this understanding, like a joystick understanding of the world that, that this external thing affects a thing on a screen and we are in control of it. But you mustn't watch your hand. You have to watch what's going on on the screen.
Starting point is 00:51:48 But that was a real leap for people who didn't have that as a part of the, I guess, the building blocks of their... But now it's gone the other way where you actually touch the screen. So now your hand is on this, like you're moving things. I still don't like that. No? No. But see, maybe that's it.
Starting point is 00:52:06 Like, the kids now are growing up with that as a fundamental. Or, like, do kids learn cursive writing anymore? On joystick. Yeah, would they know where to look? It's like actors not knowing what to do with their hands. So, yeah, big week of tires for me. Grant, how was your week? It was all right.
Starting point is 00:52:27 I did a show. It was a storytelling show. Oh, Rain City Chronicles? That is correct, yeah. And they did it this time around. They usually just hold it in like a performance space. But this time it was about school. So they held it in actual school auditorium
Starting point is 00:52:47 yeah and i was in this school and it's been in vancouver since uh 1890 jeez yeah what just won uh lord strathcona it's like way it's like right next to hastings like it's in a really rough part of town i was like these kids have seen some shit, man. Like they're only a block away from kind of all sorts of drug dealers and stuff. But it felt very haunted. Like it's a, you know, a very old building. And people said that as soon as they walked in, they were like, oh, this feels haunted. And then the principal did a speech to greet everybody. Yeah. and that was the first thing he jangled some chains he said
Starting point is 00:53:30 like he's like the uh in case you're wondering yes this place is haunted and i was like oh man like what a bummer for the kids of the school that like their ultimate adult is telling them that it's uh yeah this place is. Is it haunted by kids or adults? Do you know? Because kids are creepier. Yeah, ghost kids are creepier. And real kids. Oh yeah, you mean just haunted by a kid?
Starting point is 00:53:56 Yeah. Just like, won't shut up. But yeah, it's weird. Do you think that the principal actually yeah it's weird like do you think that the principal actually thinks it's haunted or was he just having was he just
Starting point is 00:54:11 funning us oh yeah he's uh it's good for tourism yeah school tourism yeah like I couldn't I couldn't tell it was like because he's like man I've seen some things and I was like what if you teach aren't you in charge of if you spent the night in the school would you inherit it Man, I've seen some things, and I was like, aren't you in charge of kids?
Starting point is 00:54:25 If you spent the night in the school, would you inherit it? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But no one would. No, no, of course not, because who wants a school? I was going to say, the heating bills would be crazy. Oh, it was very cold in there, too. Well, that's for the ghosts. They've got to keep it chilly for the ghosts.
Starting point is 00:54:42 Oh, yeah, that's right. Ghosts like cold? Ghosts you don't associate with hot weather, right? Oh, there's a hot weather ghost for the ghosts. They've got to keep the chili for the ghosts. Oh, yeah, that's right. Ghosts like cold? Ghosts you don't associate with hot weather, right? Oh, there's a hot weather ghost on the beach. Maybe voodoo ghosts. Yeah. Oh, voodoo ghosts. Hawaiian ghosts.
Starting point is 00:54:52 Yeah. Ghosts go to Hawaii. Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's. Was he a ghost? Yeah. Didn't Beetlejuice almost go to Hawaii? I feel like that was going to be the sequel. That was the board meeting I wanted to talk about.
Starting point is 00:55:03 Was the Beetlejuice almost ghost to Hawaii? They're making Beetlejuice 2. Yeah, I don't understand. What do you mean? It I wanted to talk about. Was the Beetlejuice almost Ghost of Hawaii? They're making Beetlejuice 2. Yeah, I don't understand. What do you mean? It's going to be great. If you like a thing, it's only going to be better 25 years later with the older Winona Ryder. Yeah, what is she going to be?
Starting point is 00:55:19 Ines? Yeah, this 40-year-old woman who's like, I guess I'm still into you. Was that what the first one was about? It's not about a girl who falls in love with Beetlejuice. Wait a minute. Beetlejuice was a... Don't say it again. That's right.
Starting point is 00:55:37 He was a bad guy in the movie. Okay, I believe you. Pretty good. Yeah. So this haunted school yeah would you go back uh no no no you can't uh what was like how could you tell like i feel like if i went back to my old high school there would be things about it that were like you know if it has 80 year old tiles on the floor somewhere, I'm like, yeah, there was a lot of that. Like it was a lot of like there was a, in the auditorium we're in, there were chairs that had probably been there for 80 or 90 years.
Starting point is 00:56:15 So the chairs were haunted. That's what I'm saying. Everything had the possibility. They call it school spirit though, don't they? Yeah. Yes. See what I did there.
Starting point is 00:56:23 My, do I, my, uh, uh, I did there? Boy, do I. My past guest on the show, Aaron Salazar, is a local artist. Went to the high school I went to, Kitsilano,
Starting point is 00:56:35 and he's sort of into the archives of it and into the history of his neighborhood. And I think it was he who found, or at least he posted it online, like these pictures of, like Louis Armstrong came to Vancouver
Starting point is 00:56:55 and played at my high school in the 40s or 50s. Or was it the ghost of Louis Armstrong? And it was like a big deal and there were recordings of it. And like to welcome him kids were in blackface. It was like, hey! We love you! Look at this
Starting point is 00:57:13 racist thing we're doing for you. Your heart's in the right place. Wow, yeah. Was that school really old? The one that you went to? A little over. I don't think it was born.
Starting point is 00:57:29 I don't think it was built in the 19th century like Strathcona. But that's crazy. Like these old schools? Because I went to one that was built in the 60s, so it had to have been a very recent ghost. So your school song was like psychedelic. Yeah. A sitar solo. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have a school song was like psychedelic yeah yeah a sitar solo yeah yeah did you have a school song uh i don't know i don't know we probably just stole the ours was super like um uh you know uh 20s 30s like hail kitzelano i could sing more of that. Well, nobody's stopping you.
Starting point is 00:58:07 Hail golden blue, rah, rah, rah. Sing we thy praises. All thy sons to thee are true, rah. So you had thighs and these in your song. Yeah. Wow. It was like the opening to Coach. That's like really old.
Starting point is 00:58:23 But your school song sounds like it was older than the school. There were no thighs and these when the school was built. When you wrote a song back then, you had to. It made it official. No, I didn't have a school song at all. I mean, in grade three, we moved from Perry
Starting point is 00:58:39 Central into Evergreen Heights Education Center. So that would have been 1983. Sounds very bureaucratic. Yeah, it sounds pleasant. And it was like as a kid, so moving into a brand new school where everything is new and teachers are worried about you like scraping your shoes on the floor. But it felt it was like an incredible thing because like the water fountains were shiny.
Starting point is 00:59:05 Everything was incredible. And I sort of feel like the kids, there was a contest to come up with the logo for the school. I think that's the closest thing we got to a song was like drawing a logo. And so I think- Everyone drew a butt. Yeah. What was the winning logo?
Starting point is 00:59:21 It was two kids' logos that they combined. One was of an evergreen. Okay. Yeah. And then I can't remember, something else. They like... A lumberjack. Yeah, an evergreen and a fire.
Starting point is 00:59:32 Even as a kid, I had a real sort of an artistic set of artistic codes. I was even bummed for like, you don't combine. Oh, your song's pretty good. And your song's pretty good. I like the chorus of yours, but I more like the bridge in his. You don't mind if we put them together to make a school song, do you? And it's like, well, either take my fucking song. Or I walk.
Starting point is 00:59:54 Yeah, I'm out of here. Putting this in my backpack. There's plenty of schools that would want my song. I'm riding thigh with high. Come on. Hail, Kitsilano, we shout from the sky. Honor and glory. From the sky?
Starting point is 01:00:14 Then to Kitsilano high. Maybe it was to the sky. No, no, no. We were a parachuting school. We were extreme high school. Oh, Lord. Well, do you want to move on to overheard? Yeah. Hey, it's me, Jesse. MaxFunCon is MaximumFun.org's annual gathering of friends in the mountains above Los Angeles. Join us this spring for comedy classes, talks and parties with your new best
Starting point is 01:00:41 pals. Tickets for the 2014 edition go on sale Friday, November 29th. And to be honest, we cannot add any more bed capacity, so expect it to sell out quick. Head to maxfuncon.com the day after Thanksgiving to grab yours. Hey folks, this is Kevin Allison of the Max Fun Podcast, Risk, where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. If you've never heard Risk, why not start with our 150th episode? It's an all-star lineup of
Starting point is 01:01:12 jaw-dropping true stories from Aisha Tyler. This being the 90s, I was drinking malt liquor. Don't fuck you in your racist thoughts. We're all racists. We're laughing. Tom Lennon. Whenever I walk into a place that's called Mr. Binkies, I'm expecting Armenian Bumblebee to be like,
Starting point is 01:01:28 I got Jackoff pills for you. Yay! Jay Moore. Me, public school in New Jersey, I didn't need to know anything because everybody knew you got pregnant by peeing in each other's butts. That's how we knew.
Starting point is 01:01:39 Andy Dick. We've had a monogamous relationship for five years. I barely cheated on her. And the Daily Show's Jessica Williams. Oh my god, I have like this need to be responsible for some reason that doesn't really benefit me, so like
Starting point is 01:01:55 Jessica, clean it up. Look for Risk on iTunes, or of course, at MaximumFun.org. Risk! Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which people around the world, you know how you're out on the bus, right? You're in traffic, you're walking through a park.
Starting point is 01:02:21 Uh-huh. You hear something. Minding your own business. Exactly. You're not eavesdropping. Some people eavesdropping uh eaves yeah eaves okay eavesdropping i thought i thought you said something else i apologize uh you're not dropping e no no yes no wait what maybe you are um is that what it's called dropping e i'm very hip yeah yeah absolutely we're gonna do that later, right?
Starting point is 01:02:45 Yeah, we're going to drop so many E's And then we're going to go rave town It's the most used letter in the alphabet What, really? What about S? Oh boy, damn it Yeah, I did it No, it's E
Starting point is 01:02:58 And this is our segment called Overheards And we always like to start with the guest Do you need me to interrupt you for anything? Oh, you mean for some Hulk Hogan news? Oh, do you have some? Yes, I do Okay Yes, yes, I do
Starting point is 01:03:13 Well, we have a theme song Do you want to hear this week's Hulk Hogan news theme song? Yes, I would This is Hulk Hogan news This is the Hulk Hogan news This is Hulk Hogan news This is the Hulk! Kugan News Remix It's the Hulk! Kugan News Remix It's the Hulk! Kugan News Remix
Starting point is 01:03:28 It's the Hulk! Kugan News Remix It's the Hulk! Kugan News Remix It's the Hulk! Kugan News Remix It's the Hulk! Kugan News Remix
Starting point is 01:03:36 It's the Hulk! Kugan News Remix It's the Hulk! Kugan News Remix It's the Hulk! Kugan News Remix It's the Hulk! Kugan News Remix
Starting point is 01:03:44 It's the Hulk! Kugan News Remix It's the Hulk! Oh god! I like that you said remix. This is a long one. Are we done? Remix. Hulk Hogan. That was a Hulk Hogan news remix sent in by a listener named Westfalia. Westfalia? Westfalia? Falia.
Starting point is 01:04:12 Sure. Hulk Hogan. If you want to send in a Hulk Hogan news remix. It's spy at maximumfun.org. And feel free to use this sample. It's a Hulk Hogan news? It's a Hulk Hogan news. Now.
Starting point is 01:04:25 Remix. Hulk Hogan, this week in the press, has been peddling... Are you familiar with Hulk Hogan? I know well. He's been peddling a new narrative about the time that he was at the
Starting point is 01:04:42 brink of committing suicide. Oh, really? Yeah, so he, in his book that came out a couple years ago, he tells a story of being, it was after his son was in the car accident and his divorce was happening. It was Latter-day Hulk Hogan. Yeah. And he was down in the dumps and he said that he had a gun and his now wife called him on the phone just to check in.
Starting point is 01:05:04 He's remarried? Yes. He's remarried? Yes. He's remarried. He's remarried to a girl who basically looks like his daughter. That's Hulk Hogan news to me. Oh yeah. No he got remarried like two or three years ago. And just it's funny
Starting point is 01:05:20 because it's like it's just like a young version of the wife. Of the daughter. Yeah. But the daughter kind of looks like his wife. They are all tanned and blonde. Yeah, they all look like him. Yeah, they do all look like him.
Starting point is 01:05:38 So anyways, that was the narrative in his book. Okay. And then so, you know, crediting her with being like the savior in that moment of need. And now he's telling a story about that he was in a hotel and he was feeling down in the dumps and that he walked out on the balcony and there was all sorts of fans down on the street like cheering him on and that that's what made him decide not to commit suicide. So he's like reinventing. He's not Michael Jackson. He's not One Direction but it's a nobody's sure why this is
Starting point is 01:06:11 but it feels like he's every time that there's a bit of a lull in Hulk Hogan news Hulk Hogan himself somehow manages to stir up something fresh have you ever been somewhere where people were like outside a hotel screaming for a
Starting point is 01:06:26 person? Just this one time with Hulk Hogan. We were all telling him to jump. I don't even like the only, it seems super common. Like there's that Michael Jackson hanging his baby out the window and like, you know, bands tell stories about it happening to them. The only thing I really remember specifically about that was there was a Woody Allen documentary called Wild Man Blues
Starting point is 01:06:54 about him playing clarinet. And outside of Woody Allen's hotel, there was a giant crowd screaming for Woody Allen, for 70- old woody allen seemed really weird um so anyways yeah so that's hulk hogan news this week uh that he he's peddling the whole thing he's respun the narrative is what you're saying yeah and and his own narrative but i mean i think that it's it's I mean, I can see that there might be
Starting point is 01:07:27 a business spinoff if you are re-engaging with your fans and saying, look, it wasn't the tart I had on the side that got me to not commit suicide. My wife. My current wife, sorry. It was all you fans,
Starting point is 01:07:44 which just so happened. Thank you, Hulkamaniacs, for saving me. I have my life is owed to you. Plus, just in time for Christmas, dot, dot, dot. Yeah, yeah. And just in time, the big, the undercurrent is that it's the, what is it? 30th? WrestleMania is coming up.
Starting point is 01:08:04 And there's talk that he's going to be in there somehow. Oh, spooky. Yeah, he's going to be haunting the Raptors playing an organ. He's wearing half a mask. Half of his familiar Hulk Hogan mask. Wearing half a bandana. So this has been Hulk Hogan news. It has indeed.
Starting point is 01:08:23 And now, back to overheards. Like we were saying, we like to start with the guest. If you would lead the charge, that would be wonderful. Well, on the walk up, what mall did I say I stopped at? You stopped at Kingsgate Mall. Kingsgate Mall. A familiar, what would you call it? Site.
Starting point is 01:08:41 Setting of this podcast. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Numer numerous stories. Right. So I went in. Sometimes I just like to have a few different drinks in a bag so that depending on how I feel, I have that drink available. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's my mood.
Starting point is 01:09:02 Right. And so I was at Sharper's Drug Mart Mart and I was in a long, long lineup. Evidently, a lot of people were there getting... A lot of people coming to a podcast. Right. A lot of people on their way to podcasts. But ahead of me, there was a mom with a daughter and they were dressed fairly well to do. You would assess them as maybe a lefty kind of thinking type mom.
Starting point is 01:09:28 And the daughter, no doubt, amped up on all of the festive decorations at Kingsgate. Yeah. In that Christmas mode was kind of running from the line and grabbing this thing and bringing it over. Can we get this? Can we get this? And the mom, everything she brought over instantly would turn over and like read the ingredients list or where was it made? And there was like, she had a reason why we couldn't get all that stuff. And she said, oh, petroleum products or, oh, you know.
Starting point is 01:09:58 Mom, can we get this Vaseline? No, I think it has gluten. That was exactly it. So what it was, because the lineup was so long, there just seemed to be a litany of this killjoy activity from mom. And which is cool, because I know, I think, we all know that that checkout portion of the shopping experience is designed to make you hate your kids.
Starting point is 01:10:21 And I don't have kids, but I know that's what it's designed for. It's designed for just before you leave. It's designed for everyone to hate your kids. And I don't have kids, but I know that's what it's designed for. It's designed for just before you leave. It's designed for everyone to hate your kids. You're going mental. Your kid is making you mental. Yes, we will get this last thing that they have for you to buy just as we're about to leave this store. And so the kid knows that somehow instinctively
Starting point is 01:10:41 there was a boardroom meeting leading up to this. Oh, yeah. And so the kid is bringing in, is auditioning a whole lot of potential last minute purchases as we're waiting in this long lineup. And the mom is shooting it all down based on like extreme leftist concerns for whatever the products were that were being brought. Yeah. So that's how, that's what I overheard in it.
Starting point is 01:11:02 So that's what I overheard in it. I'm guilty of being a little bit too lingering with watching things. Because I love observing humans. And the other thing is, I don't mind if somebody is watching me. I don't feel that offense. What the fuck are you looking at? I never really had that in me. It's like, I'm sure you're watching me for some good reason. And I know that I'm-
Starting point is 01:11:23 My kid's out of control. Right. So like- What are the things that are, like, like, there's so much stuff that kids are into. Like, there's so much candy at the checkout. But there's so much stuff that's just, like, no kid is in, wants to buy OK Magazine. No, but, you know, so many times I've been waiting in a long grocery lineup and I've bought an Archie Double Digest. I'm just like, it's been the last thing that I see before I get to the cash register and I'm waiting and I start thumbing through it. Just remember all the great gags.
Starting point is 01:11:55 There is a lot for kids, but I think there's a lot for adults. There's a lot for everybody. Yeah. That whole last minute purchase experience. That's where I do all my shopping. I just go before I eat. You just get in a line. Yeah, I don't even have anything at all.
Starting point is 01:12:07 So you come back with a lot of Kit Kats. Yeah. A whole bunch of Kit Kats and Tic Tacs. Cherry blossoms and magazines. Those things at the liquor store, I feel like they're the adult version of like a kid thing. It's like a shot. A tiny drink, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:24 But it's like a shot glass with two different liquids a shot. A tiny drink, yeah. Yeah, but it's like a shot glass with two different liquids in it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you throw it back together and I'm like, oh, that's really designed for guys like me. Afternoon drinking. It's meant like, you are going to be able to
Starting point is 01:12:39 get away with this. Just put this in your desk. This is desk size. Yeah, this is work drink. This is going to help get you through. Yeah, you're going to get business drunk. Dave, do you have an overheard? Hey, I do.
Starting point is 01:12:56 Mine is the other day I was going to 7-Eleven to go to the cash machine. And as I was walking to 7-Eleven, go to the cash machine. And as I was walking to 7-Eleven, I saw this woman getting out of a cab. And she turned back towards the cab and said to the driver, Hey, what's your name?
Starting point is 01:13:12 And I was like, Oh, is she fighting with the driver? I mean, is something happening? And it turns out she wasn't fighting with the driver. She was just really chatty. And so I go into 7-Eleven. And then like 10 seconds later, this woman comes into seven 11 and she, it's the same woman from outside this chatty lady. And she, uh, she also wants to use the cash machine and I'm using it.
Starting point is 01:13:36 And she says, Oh, you're, you're a guy. Hey, what's your pin? Yeah. Oh, you're, Oh, looks like we both had the same thing in mind. And I'm like, ha, ha, ha. And the woman, she's decided she's not going to wait behind me in line. She's just going to sort of linger around. Wait with you.
Starting point is 01:13:57 Yeah. We're a team now. And then another woman comes and waits right behind me. And so the chatty lady is like, oh, just so you know, I'm next. And the woman's like, okay. She can tell from the chatty lady immediately. Like, I don't want any trouble. And then the chatty lady starts chatting this woman up.
Starting point is 01:14:17 And she's like, hey, I really like your boots. They're super fashionable. Are they new? And the woman's kind of shy. And she's like, oh, no, these are like 10 years old. Well, they're super fashionable. Are they new? And the woman's kind of shy and she's like, oh no, these are like 10 years old. Well, they're really great. They're current right now.
Starting point is 01:14:31 And the woman is like, yeah, well, no, I've had them a long time. I've had them resold and fixed a bunch of times. Well, they're really great. They've got these details that are just modern. And then it's about this time when I get my cash and I'm like immediate, like I'm clinical, like get cash, count cash, put cash in wallet, get card, put card in wallet, take receipt, put in pocket, run. Like I don't, I just want, I want everything.
Starting point is 01:15:00 I want to get out of here. And the chatty lady says to this other woman with the really nice boots that she's talking about. She says, wait, you're like a big fashion designer, aren't you? No way. Come on. And the woman totally laughed. I was like, no. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 01:15:20 Well, you've got these nice boots. Yeah, yeah. And you're at a cash machine. Are you Oscar de la Renta? Are you Alfred Song? That was my next one I was reaching for. Oh, man. I love how lineups bring all humans, no matter what your social planning field.
Starting point is 01:15:41 You see people do things to get ahead in a lineup that blow your mind. Like, it turns you into kindergarten instantly, I find, lineups. Yeah. Sometimes I'll be at a lineup, like, if you're at a shop where there's two checkouts and there's no clear, like, well, where do I stand? Like, do I commit to this line or that line? Like, I'm going to sort of stand in the middle because I'm going to make myself available to the next opening, right? Right. And then you'll have the person
Starting point is 01:16:11 who kind of comes up behind you and notices that you're sort of, your body is centered between the two lines and is not committed to a line. And they ask, which line are you in? And it's like, well, I mean, I'm playing the field. Yeah, I'm going to be here to,
Starting point is 01:16:24 I'm ready for the next one available like why are you asking yeah there's a whole just open yourself up to the universe man yeah like there's possibilities like yeah right i like the uh when you're standing in a lineup and the something like you know there's either it either an old lady is paying all with change or whatever and then you make eye contact with somebody who gives you the like and you're like, I hear you. I tried to teach this old lady
Starting point is 01:16:54 computers. She was looking at her hand the whole time. Do you think the old people looking at their hands, do you think they were just really high and they were like, whoa. Check out my fingers. I never really considered. It's funny because being in Vancouver, I've seen a couple of, you know, advocates for marijuana legalization.
Starting point is 01:17:16 I'm always surprised at the really old people that are out there trying to get you to sign their petitions. Yeah. Like, it's not like a guy with a skateboard, you know, and like a hairdo. It's like... No, you're right. It's older ladies, like, hanging out, trying to make the world better.
Starting point is 01:17:32 And I don't know. It just, I guess it's perplexing in that way. I mean, again, these are just... Who better than the old people to be smoking pot? Well, they're just baby boomers, right? They sort of brought pot into the culture. They let pot inform the music they listen to and the movies they watch. They're school songs.
Starting point is 01:17:48 Right. And so now they're older. They're old people. It's like, look, this pot thing is not bad. I can't wait till the seniors of tomorrow are endorsing legalization of MDMA. Yeah, sure. This was the drug we used to party. The seniors of tomorrow should
Starting point is 01:18:06 be, we should be thinking about that every day. That's, believe me. That's me. That's you. That's us. I want to, we should have cards. We're the seniors of tomorrow. We should be card-carrying seniors of tomorrow. Yeah, I just. Put that in your Rolodex and smoke it. Does that
Starting point is 01:18:22 quite make sense? I, uh, my overheard. Let's do you. Yeah, let's do me. I was at a Chinese restaurant and I sat next to a table of people that were on a business lunch. And two of the gentlemen seemed fairly new to English. Like their English was good, but maybe just didn to english like their english was good but uh maybe just didn't know phrases and it was good it just wasn't baller yeah and this lady
Starting point is 01:18:52 that was with them kept correcting like because they would get a phrase almost you know and she would be like oh it's not uh you know you let the cat out of the bucket yeah yeah yeah exactly and then at one point uh she she asked them like oh uh how do you like how do you like this dish and uh the guy said oh it's very watering mouth and then she said it's actually mouthwatering. And then she went, wait, is it? Maybe it's just a glandular problem. Yeah. But then she was like, no. And then they back and forth were like, mouthwatering?
Starting point is 01:19:37 Watering mouth. Way too much saliva in this dish. But she was so sure. No. Maybe I'm wrong this time. I don't mind watering sure. No. Maybe I'm wrong this time. I don't mind watering mouth. Yeah. Watering mouth, hidden dragon.
Starting point is 01:19:52 Yep. Fine. Fine. We also have overheards sent in to us from people around the world. If you want to be one of these people, you can send them in to spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one comes to us from Heather, parts unknown. Don't know where Heather's from. I was on the bus and was listening to a mother and son argue about dinner. The mom says, I'm making pizza tonight.
Starting point is 01:20:18 And the son whines, I don't like your pizza. The mom asks, why? And the son says, I don't like square pizza. The mom asks, why? And the son says, I don't like square pizza. Can you make it round this time? Mom flatly says, no, I only have a square pan. And the kid yells, but round pizza tastes better. It's true. It's true.
Starting point is 01:20:35 I mean, square pizza, you might not even get an edge piece. Oh, yeah. Just that middle piece? There's like nothing to hold on to? Too hot. There's just cheese. Yeah. I mean, I love cheese, but Too hot. There's just cheese. Yeah. I mean, I love cheese, but come on.
Starting point is 01:20:47 Give me a crust. Yeah. Square pizza is kind of a bummer. It's hard to hold. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Bread is mostly, because I try to avoid bread. Why?
Starting point is 01:20:56 Why? What did bread do to you? Bread makes me, I find it just hard on my body. I don't know. But bread is a snack handle. Yeah. And when you are somebody who decides to let bread away from you, like when you've decided that I'm a non-bread guy,
Starting point is 01:21:19 you start to see how the world lives on quick-grab bread food. So the bread is something that we've all agreed upon. We are happy to handle bread, but we're not happy to handle melted cheese, for instance. No, you're right. You should bring, everywhere you go, you should bring some of those corn cob skewers and then just hold on to things with them. That was one of those things that was on the checkout
Starting point is 01:21:36 at the Dominion that we used to shop at when we were kids that I dreamed of getting those things. The corn cob holders? Yeah, the corn holders. How many days a year do you eat corn on the cob? This was the first year that I ate a lot of corn. Again, I think a lot. 365 days.
Starting point is 01:21:54 Sorry, I expected the answer to be one. I wake up, I have morning corn. And then I take it easy for the rest of the day. I take some popcorn. I put it in the coffee grinder. I make a corn drink. Corn pop. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:12 So what in the non-bread world, what is the substitute? It's hard snacking. Yeah. That's chips? No chips. That's the thing Is I try to avoid All like Sort of carbohydrate
Starting point is 01:22:26 Type things Just Again You do a lot of Sitting around And rock and roll And the You know
Starting point is 01:22:33 The less sort of Like useless calories You can Absorb the better And Sure So I like meat
Starting point is 01:22:39 You know I do have Moral issues I was a vegetarian For years and years And years But But your cat Kept bringing you these delicious birds.
Starting point is 01:22:46 Snakes, right? Yeah. Snakesicles. All these delicious snakes. Yeah, I don't know. I do some of them. I like meat. There's meat snacks.
Starting point is 01:22:56 You just got to go deep. Like what about a jerky? I love jerky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love jerky. I love a turkey jerky. Turkey breath jerky. I love a turkey jerky. Turkey breath jerky. Jerky breath.
Starting point is 01:23:08 Jerky breath is a really good jerky breath. When we live in this post-food dehydrator world. Yeah. This next one comes from James B. in Regina, Saskatchewan. Not the lounge singer. Yeah, same. in Regina, Saskatchewan. Not the lounge singer.
Starting point is 01:23:23 Yeah, the same. Okay. This Overheard features a spoiler for the film The Spectacular Now. What is that movie? I don't know. Spoiler, nobody's heard of it. Okay. I'm looking it up right now.
Starting point is 01:23:37 Okay. Ooh, it was written by En Vogue. The Spectacular Now. I've heard the name before yeah i don't i don't know it sounds like an indie film uh my guess here's um i don't know how many of the avengers appeared in the oh it was uh let's see it stars who oh okay no i will just the first name was Miles Teller, and I was like, that's not a name. Yeah, he's from Penn and Teller. It stars Brie Larson. Have you seen...
Starting point is 01:24:10 What was she in? Anyway, she's a talented young actress. Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Oh, I know who that is. Ramona Flowers. Well, if you're on your way to watching this spectacular now... Kyle Chandler from Friday Night Lights. Oh, what was're on your way to watching this spectacular now. Kyle Chandler from Friday Night Lights. From Friends.
Starting point is 01:24:28 Oh, what was he in Friday Night Lights? He was the coach. Oh. In a TV show. He's great. Yeah. Jennifer Jason Leigh. I want his vision. I want Coach's vision. I want to... He always knows. Did you... Have you seen that whole series? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:24:43 I fell off. I'm the one guy who fell off. Oh yeah? Everyone I speak to loves it. I've never seen it. Oh, you gotta. Well. Do I though? Well, you'll fall off. Yeah, I don't know. High school football.
Starting point is 01:24:59 There is, you have to agree that the raw rawness, there's things about it that you just have to agree to absorb. And then I liked it because it was, I think, in some ways, like a culture study that I knew nothing about. So I felt like whenever I can be learning during, while I'm being entertained at the same time, when those two activities can be combined. Yeah, that's why... And yet you preferred the cartoons where you didn't learn. Those were the treats.
Starting point is 01:25:34 It's called growing up, Dave. He's growing up. Brie Larson, the actress, she was also in Scott Pilgrim. She was the singer in the other band that he used to used to date i get it go ahead i get it uh so this is a spoiler from what movie uh the avengers uh spectacular now fyi my girlfriend and i were watching it in a theater in washington dc our nation's capital yes uh there was a couple in the same row as us featuring a guy who was vocally skeptical about the movie from the start.
Starting point is 01:26:08 Near the end of the movie, a character is hit by a car, at which point the guy hisses, I knew you were taking me to a fucking sad movie. He sat through the whole thing. Did he say it to himself or to the movie? Probably to, yeah. Well, probably whoever it was with, right? Okay. And she said, no, no, this isn't, it isn't that, it's not like My Blue Valentine.
Starting point is 01:26:32 It's cool. My Blue Valentine? Yeah. With Rick Moranis? Yeah, the saddest movie around. I've done, I've had that. I had a friend Recently actually
Starting point is 01:26:46 Take me to a film That was about abortion What movie? I don't remember The title of it But it was a documentary About You know what
Starting point is 01:26:55 I thought was gonna be Super fun But was sad Was Born Into Brothels Oh what? Yeah I was like Hey we're born into these things What fun
Starting point is 01:27:03 Did you go see that in a theater? No, I would never. Why? Too sad? Bummer from the beginning. Yeah, that's true. I know it's bad. That's why I don't go to brothels, guys.
Starting point is 01:27:14 Yeah. What can I do? Not go. Yeah, I'm voting with my dollars. And finally, this last one comes from Andrew B. Related to the last? Yeah. Is he the famous Lansley?
Starting point is 01:27:35 Brother of? This is a just, he doesn't say where he overheard this. This is just somebody saying, yeah, they wanted to have my daughter model for a Land's End fall catalog. I said, no. Child stars have too much pressure on them. That was overheard? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:58 Land's End. That is like... That is the... It's where Lindsay Lohan got her start. Yeah, all your child stars modeling thermal shirts and vests. Yeah, I just didn't want to take it. It's too much pressure. Yeah, it's too sexy.
Starting point is 01:28:17 First they're getting her to, you know, wear a lined boot. Yeah, some sort of... And then she's doing MDMA. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Hi, gentlemen. It's Jaden calling from Regina. I have an overheard.
Starting point is 01:28:42 I just walked out of Faithway where there was this mother and her very despondent teenage son shopping, and they walked past a big display of potatoes, and the mom turned to her son and said, hey, potato, potato, and he just stared at the floor. So she said, tomato, tomato, and he stared at the floor, So she said, tomato, tomato? And he stared at the floor and she said, do you not know that song? And he just shook his head and she said, God, Jordan, that's like the world's greatest song.
Starting point is 01:29:18 Yep. The kids just struggle. I had a mom that sang old songs. In public? Just like there was always a song that correlated to any experience. Oh, yeah. And it was like one of those like, you know, tie a yellow ribbon around the, or something. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:34 You know, it was like a song where it was like, but I think my mom too thought or expected my brother and I to know the song. Yeah. Yeah. Sing along. No, just the boy. Yeah. Yeah. And when you didn't... Now just the boy. Yeah. My mom was big on
Starting point is 01:29:50 if there was a song that correlated with somebody's name. Okay. You know, so like if, you know, you met somebody
Starting point is 01:29:58 who was... Graham, Graham, Bobam, Fanana. Yeah. It was mostly the name game. It was really... She had a song for every person she ever met. But she was big on like...
Starting point is 01:30:11 Is there a Graham song? No. There's no Graham song. There's Dave's, I know. That's the Dave song. Great song. There's no Huxley song. Not yet.
Starting point is 01:30:25 Workman? What? Yeah Not yet Yes, that's right I live in a not yet kind of state of mind Yeah, very open Just because it hasn't happened doesn't mean It cannot
Starting point is 01:30:36 Yeah Yes Yet Yet Yet But like would your mother As soon as she met like a Julia Would she be like
Starting point is 01:30:44 Half of what I say is meaningless Yeah she would just start saying And assume that The kid because the kid has that name That they would have heard that song so many times Yeah Anyways one of her favorite games She's good at it
Starting point is 01:31:00 And she didn't know Actually the last time I was in Calgary She didn't know that there last time i was in calgary uh she didn't know that there was a song uh about her name she she thought there was no name mrs clark yeah mrs clark does whatever uh something dark what's the song about her name i I can't remember. Patricia or Trish? I think the song is Patricia. I think it's by... On Vogue? Yep.
Starting point is 01:31:30 Sticks. It's by an old crooner guy, like one of those... Yeah, that's it, that's it. Oh, what's up? Can I borrow a dollar from Patricia? Here's your next phone call. Hi, David Graham. This is Ed from Lawrence, Kansas, and Amber.
Starting point is 01:31:49 We were at a bar just a little while ago, and we heard a gentleman talking about how he does not see his child anymore. And he said, well, this new guy is his real father. I mean, I spermed him, but that guy's the father. So, he at least knows
Starting point is 01:32:16 what it takes to be a real dad. I spermed him? That's what he said, yeah. So, like, he had the sperm. He has a nine-year-old's understanding of how to make babies. I storked him. I spermed him.
Starting point is 01:32:36 I spermed you. Yeah. I don't consider myself your dad, but I spermed you. Yeah, don't you give me that lip. I spermed you. No, let me kiss you come here give me
Starting point is 01:32:48 give me your sperm daddy kisses for daddy it's so weird because when I think like when I just heard spermed you the image that came into my mind
Starting point is 01:32:55 was microwave melted butter on a dish like that's I spermed on the dish and it sits there and then and then a wind blows and the sperm the spermed part blows there and then and then a wind blows and the sperm
Starting point is 01:33:05 the spermed part blows off like hot butter into the wind and then it touches something yeah all the ladies in the field
Starting point is 01:33:12 just there like dandelion spores I dandelion spored you that's probably how he lost custody of the kid was in the your honor
Starting point is 01:33:24 I spermed I spermed I spermed this kid And they were like Case closed Yeah Judge finds in favor of the one who egged him Did you see that clip from Judge Judy No
Starting point is 01:33:39 Where it was the It's the greatest It was the quickest turnaround that she's ever done On like finding somebody guilty. And it was this lady. I don't think she's a criminal judge. Well, yeah, but this lady was saying that this guy and her ex-boyfriend and his friend stole a bag. And she was listing off the contents of what was in the bag.
Starting point is 01:34:07 a bag and she was listing off the contents of what was in the bag and she listed one thing and the guy the guy's friend said that wasn't in there and she's like okay that's it like you're you have to pay back all the things the guy who so she did find in favor of the woman of the woman yeah but just listing the the products he was like, nope, that wasn't in there. But he doesn't have to replace that thing. No, of course not. It wasn't. Oh, I love a good dumb guy. Dumb criminal.
Starting point is 01:34:32 Isn't that a Michael Jackson song? Yeah. Dumb criminal? You were almost hit by a dumb criminal. Yeah, but he missed you because he's dumb. Here's your final overheard of the week, everybody. Hot dog. Hey, guys.
Starting point is 01:34:42 This is Nick from Salt Lake City calling in with an overheard. This one took place on Halloween night. Each year on Halloween, my friends and I like to set up a kind of miniature spook alley in one of our yards. The very first room in the spook alley was filled with fog and strobe lights
Starting point is 01:34:59 and people in really creepy clown masks. And I was fortunate enough to be one of these creepy clowns. And it being the enough to be one of these creepy clowns. And it being the first room in the Spook Alley, every time trick-or-treaters come in and get terrified and turn around, we get some great overheard. So my favorite one of the night, we were in the Spook Alley, and two kids came in alone, obviously brothers.
Starting point is 01:35:18 One was maybe 5 or 6, and the other was maybe 11 or 12. Right after they entered the room, the 5-year-old took one look at us and said, no, no, no, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared. And the 11-year-old older brother, obviously terrified but trying to sound kind of big and uninterested, replied with, aren't we all? Anyway, guys. Aren't we all scared?
Starting point is 01:35:48 First of all. Yeah, well, like I didn't know, I didn't believe that strongly in the overheard itself, but I'm glad you guys caught on to the reason I loved this call so much. Spook alley. Yeah. And then he had a miniature spook alley. Yeah. It's a full size. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:36:03 And then his, I was fortunate enough to be a scary clown. He said Spook Alley four times. And it was great because it presupposes that you've ever heard the term before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To me, an overheard is something that when people are out just busy carrying on in their normal everyday life. Like to me, what the beauty of what you guys have created with Overheard is that humans, when just basically functioning, have these idiosyncrasies that spill onto other humans. And that's what's amazing. It's like, can you believe that we were all raised just a little bit different enough that we all think just a little bit different enough and we say things and it's amazing how we somehow are all able to live together yet say these funny things.
Starting point is 01:36:49 But when you manufacture a situation, you know, like... Like a spook alley. Like a miniature spook alley. I don't know if that... If you can overhear... It doesn't play into the nuanced beauty of what the overheard segment to me but in the in the telling he created his own overheard because spook alley was all yeah we could all enjoy yeah the the fact that he was so comfortable with the term so we have a miniature
Starting point is 01:37:19 spook out yeah yeah thank you so much for calling that one in. I love it. I don't remember your name, but I think it was Spookally. Mr. Spookally. Ron Spookally. Ron Spookally. So that brings us to the end of the show here. And now you tour all over the place. You have many, many albums available for purchase.
Starting point is 01:37:51 Where can people go if they want to find you online, if they want to learn more about you? Hawksleyworkman.com. Okay. It's all there. I mean, it's all there. Cool, because a lot of times other comedians are like, my website's... It's under construction. Yeah, yeah. Cleavage.
Starting point is 01:38:07 And you're a member of Mounties with past guests Steve Bays and Ryan Dahl. Is there an album on the way? There is. It's called Thrash Rock Legacy. It comes out March 4th. The singles are so much fun. Thanks. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:38:21 It's really, really cool. Mounties is like the purest version of expression after this that I have in my life. And it's, like, I, yeah. I cannot wait. I cannot wait till the album comes out. That's very exciting. Would you like to play a song at the end? Like, tack on a song, either from Mounties or yourself at the end of this episode?
Starting point is 01:38:39 Let's play a Mounties track. Why not? Okay. Let's play Headphones. Headphones! Headphones. At the end of the song, at the end of this episode, play headphones. Headphones! Headphones. At the end of the song, at the end of this episode,
Starting point is 01:38:47 stay tuned. Headphones. Hit single. If you want to check out MaximumFun.org, check out all the other wonderful shows that are available for Maximum Fun,
Starting point is 01:38:57 and also check out the blog recap that Dave does each and every week, pictures and videos relating to the content of this here episode, Spook Alley? Picture of Spook Alley? Probably a picture,
Starting point is 01:39:07 probably a video of that song that absolutely featured En Vogue. Oh, there's no way. I don't know how it had TLC, but it definitely had En Vogue. No, What a Man is only... You're so wrong. Well, it's possible that I'm wrong, but... Yeah, 100%. 100% possible.
Starting point is 01:39:23 Nope. And, you know, if you like the show, please do tell your friends. If you want to get in touch with us, it's spy at maximumfund.org or 206-339-8328. And come on back next week
Starting point is 01:39:38 for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. podcast to yourself. I got my headphones on like a 70s hi-fi Feel more connected than unlimited Wi-Fi I got my headphones on like a 70s hi-fi Feeling more connected than unlimited Wi-Fi I got my headphones on just to keep up the devil Digging on the music's got some bass and treble I got my headphones on like a sideways mohawk When we're walking hand in hand we go headphones and no talk I got my headphones on from the minute I'm up
Starting point is 01:40:45 Till the minute I go to bed I got my headphones on every day of my life Gonna wear them until I'm dead I got my headphones on from the minute I'm up Till the minute I go to bed I got my headphones on every day of my life Gonna wear them until I'm dead I like a drunk to the bottom of my attitude I'm going to wear them until I'm dead. I look at drugs and I remember how to do.
Starting point is 01:41:07 I look at possums over in the afternoon. I look at corn and you're down when I'm in the noon. I look around so I'm drunk when I think of you, when I think of you. I got my headphones on from the minute I'm up To the minute I go to bed I got my headphones on every day of my life Gonna wear them until I'm dead I got my headphones on from the minute I'm up
Starting point is 01:41:36 To the minute I go to bed I got my headphones on every day of my life Gonna wear them until I'm dead I like a childhood love where I'm until I'm dead. I like a drunk when I'm at my head or two. I like a bar song sober in the afternoon. I like a coin in your hand when I'm in the mood. I like a rock song drunk when I think of you, when I think of you. I got my headphones on from the minute I'm up to the minute I go to bed.
Starting point is 01:42:10 I got my headphones on every day of my life. Gonna wear them until I'm dead. I got my headphones on from the minute I'm up to the minute I go to bed. I got my headphones on every day of my life. I'm going to wear them until I'm dead. I got my headphones on from the minute I'm up to the minute I go to bed. I got my headphones on every day of my life. I'm going to wear them until I'm dead. I got my headphones on every day of my life. I don't know where I'm going to end.
Starting point is 01:42:47 I have my headphones.

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