Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 348 - Andy Kallstrom
Episode Date: November 18, 2014Andy Kallstrom returns to talk London, firecrackers, and 90-day engagements....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 348 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's just loving this fall weather.
Still too hot.
Still too hot.
Still too hot.
Do you know we're five degrees above the average?
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, so you want to be able to see your breath away.
Yeah, if it's two digits.
Too hot.
It's too hot.
Too hot. It's too hot too hot
it's too hot the water's barely even hitting the sidewalk it's turning into steam yeah yeah oh boy
give me steam peter gabriel
how you feel make it real real as anything you should get alive with the dreamer's dream? Everybody knows that.
Hold your breath.
There it is.
Count to five.
Backslap.
Booby trap.
Cover it up in bubble wrap.
Room shake.
Earthquake.
Find a way to stay awake.
It's going to blow.
It's going to break.
This is more than I can take.
And our guest today, a very funny man who went all the way to the other side of the planet and is now
back here.
To the land
of Peter Gabriel.
He was living in England.
He is now back here
in Canada.
He was living
at Real World Studios
in Bath-on-Avon.
Mr. Andy Kallstrom
is our guest.
Hi, guys.
Thanks for having me back.
Hi, Andy.
Hello.
Thanks for coming back.
Hey, my pleasure.
It's great to have you
both.
Welcome back. Thank you. It's great to have you. To the show or the country? Both. Yeah. Welcome back.
Thank you.
Let's get to know us.
Get to know us.
There we go.
So what, you lived in, just tell us what happened.
When you were last on the show, you were telling us you were about to leave the country with your girlfriend.
Yep.
And she was going to school.
That is true.
Or as they call it
over there,
university.
Uni.
Uni, yep.
She was going to Hogwarts.
School like specifically
means like elementary school.
Oh, and pants means underwear.
Oh, it's true.
And vest means undershirt.
I knew we covered this last time.
Gillette is a vest?
Yeah, but we were living over there for a year.
It was great.
I really liked it.
We lived in Soho.
Oh, really?
You lived like right in line?
What is Soho short for?
Shofo.
It is actually
just, I looked it
up, and it is a
thing that people
would yell when
they were going
hunting, because
Soho used to be
like a hunting
ground like a
thousand years ago.
Wow, so a nickname
that stuck around
for a thousand
years.
You'd go, Soho!
And then you'd
go hunting.
That's like when
you're golfing.
Yeah.
You yell four.
Yeah, that's why we call our downtown area four.
Because it used to be a golf course.
Well, there's, because in New York, Soho is south of Houston.
Yeah.
And in Seattle, Soto is south downtown.
Really?
Yeah.
And in Victoria, we have Lojo, which is lower Johnson.
Oh, really?
Oh, Lojo.
What do we have here?
I know that they tried to make Soma a thing, which was south Maine. Oh, really? What do we have here? I know that they tried to make Soma a thing,
which was South Main.
But I don't think that ever caught.
And then, you know, we just gave up on that
because, you know, everybody else had so many good ones.
Yeah.
Flojo or whatever he said.
No Lita.
I had a friend when I was a kid who was named Sojo.
Really?
Yeah.
Like that was his first name? S-O-C-H-O? I was a kid who was named Sojo. Really? Yeah. Like that was his first name?
S-O-C-H-O?
It was a female person.
Tell us more.
Yeah.
And her first name was, yeah, Sojo.
Sojo?
Yep.
S-O-J-O.
Yep.
Hmm.
Hmm.
I don't know.
I don't appreciate that.
Who was Flojo?
Florence Griffith Joyner.
Flo Grigio.
She was a gymnast.
She was an athletic.
She was maybe a sprinter or a long distance runner.
I think a sprinter.
Like maybe the 100, 200, and 400.
Okay.
She was a very flamboyant dresser.
She was an American.
And she had really long nails, I believe.
I hope I'm not getting
two people mixed up.
But did she?
And she would sometimes
race with like,
you know how they wear
the little,
the kind of speedo bottom?
Yeah, yeah.
But she would
sometimes race
with one legging.
So like she would have
one leg covered
and one leg uncovered.
What era is this?
This would be
the late 80s, early 90s.
The Carl Lewis era.
And the Carlton Banks era.
Yeah, same era.
That Carl Lewis is so smug.
Oh, he's such a good singer, though.
You call Carl Lewis Smug the Sprinter?
Yeah.
Because he was the only one who didn't do drugs in the Seoul Olympics?
I think he was the only one who didn't get caught doing drugs.
Doing drugs.
And he's so smug about it.
So what did you do while your girlfriend went to uni?
Or prep.
Prep school?
She went to prep school.
Yeah.
She learned to walk with a book on her head.
She took her seventh.
At a master's degree level.
Ooh.
Yeah.
Very good at it. Yeah. Walk with a master's book on your head. It's very impressive.'s degree level. Ooh. Yeah. Very good at it.
Yeah, walk with a master's book on your head.
It's very impressive.
Yeah, very thick book.
Yeah.
Bad for the neck.
Let's see.
Were you legal to work?
Yes, I was.
Oh.
Thank you for asking, officer.
It's okay.
They don't carry guns over there.
Yeah, so I worked over there,
but for six months. For the first six months, I was
unemployed, which was like great
but terrible. It always is.
It always is.
But we lived, yeah. Oh, I was going to say,
we lived in Soho, and our apartment, if you ever
see the cover of the Oasis.
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Go on. I've been back for like two months and
but until like i feel like today i was still saying things like flat i used the word lift
yeah the other day like without realizing for an elevator or just to no i was like
lifting i was at the gym uh i just wanted to bring that up. Yeah, do you even lift, you elevator?
Yeah.
The flat you lived in was on the cover of the Oasis album.
What's the Story, Morning Glory.
Oh, okay.
Really?
Yeah.
So that was pretty cool.
That is cool.
It's their second LP.
Yeah.
Like it was the actual flat?
Well, I mean, it was on that street.
That street, okay.
Technically, one of the blurry guys' heads kind of blocked our apartment.
Oh.
Hmm.
Do you think they got a guy from Blur to be a blurry guy in that?
They were not friends at that point.
Are they now?
I don't think they are now.
Probably still.
I just don't think they have any animosity.
Is there like a short version of that, animus?
Yeah, they don't have any animus.
Yeah, that's like
if a snake bites you, it's
an animus snake.
Anyways, what did you do
for work? Oh yeah, anyways, that's what I meant.
So then I got a job
doing business development for a
marketing company.
That's not fun. Yeah.
I was hoping it was going to be meat pies.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I was a Cockney vegetable salesman.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, what rhymes with turnip?
Peas, potatoes, etc.
There was a very scary but also adorable old Cockney salesman.
Oh, he was Cockney as fuck.
Yeah, man, he was so Cockney. And he had he was Cockney as fuck yeah man he was so Cockney
and he had tattoos
on his face and stuff
oh wow
and he sold vegetables
like right out front
of our flat
oh boy
what kind of vegetables
I don't know
I never buy
vegetables from
they were too scary
but he was like
one of those guys
he looked so scary
but anytime you saw him
talking to someone
he was like Santa Claus
was he Cockney
or was he Mockney he was solid he Cockney or was he Mockney?
He was solidly Cockney.
Okay.
What's Mockney?
It's fake Mockney.
Fake Cockney, sorry.
What is fake Mockney?
It's fake Mockney.
It's the
Gian Gomeschi's band.
Mockney Fruvis.
Mockney Fruvis.
So,
yeah,
that first
six months
where he didn't have a job,
that must have been kind of, like it must have been kind of fun. It was, like that first six months where you didn't have a job, that must have been kind of, like, it must have been kind of fun.
It was.
Like, the first three months were amazing because I showed up
and I was, like, doing comedy and people were like,
you're going to be on TV soon.
And I was like, oh, I'll just sit back and let that happen.
You're going to be on our channel.
Yeah.
I probably had, like like A solid three weeks
Where I was like
I believe that
I'll just like
Have my own show soon
Who was it
That was telling you
You were gonna be on TV
The Cockney guy
That sold the vegetables
Yeah
People at open mic comedy shows
Fair enough
But I
Seemed like they knew
What they were talking about
Sure
Cause I have a thing
Where I
Anyone with an English accent
I believe them Which was not good thing where anyone with an English accent, I believe them,
which was not good
when everyone had an English accent.
Oh, no.
But you did comedy over there.
I did do comedy.
And?
And I did the Edinburgh Fringe Fest as well.
Wow.
Which was awesome.
This year.
Okay, when you weren't there.
I wasn't there.
I also, I did a podcast over there.
A potty.
You can look it up.
It's called Tang House Radio.
We released zero episodes.
But that is how I filled my days being unemployed.
Yeah.
That's how this podcast started.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And continues in one way or another.
We're both marginally employed.
Yeah, marginally.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But that is where you want to be.
Is it?
Yeah, marginally employed.
Are you marginally employed right now?
I am maximally employed.
I am working full time.
Yeah, that's a harsh mistress.
Yeah.
Five days a week.
Five days a week. Yeah. Same with the girlfriend? Yeah, that's a harsh mistress. Yeah. Five days a week. Five days a week.
Yeah.
Same with the girlfriend?
No, she's looking.
Oh, man.
So now it's all flip a row.
She's gone out.
So she's done her prep school.
Yeah.
She went to Eaton.
She went to King, the King of Colleges.
King's College.
Oh, and the other thing I remember, when you were leaving last time, in fact, it's the only thing I College. Oh, and the other thing I remember when you were leaving last time,
in fact, it's the only thing I remember.
Oh, thanks a lot.
Because you said, oh, yeah, with this college, we get tickets to Wimbledon.
What?
You said that?
Damn it. And in my mind, I'm like, oh, like any time I think of Andy, I'm like, oh, Andy.
Yeah, he's in England.
He's at the Wimbledon College.
That's a weird. I'm like, oh, Andy. Yeah, he's in England. He's at the Wimbledon College. That's a weird trick.
I had forgot.
Damn it.
I could have gone to Wimbledon.
I mean.
I knew people who went to Wimbledon.
Yeah.
Damn it.
Yeah, tickets.
With dust just forming them.
Although it might have been because we did.
Pardon our dust.
We thought we were going to stay at a student residence, which was called a college.
Maybe that had the tickets.
Yes, that had the tickets.
Did that fall through?
That fell through.
That's why we lived in just a flat that we rented in Soho.
At the, what's the story, Morning Glory Flats.
Yeah.
Right.
In the Gallagher wing.
That's a big wing.
The highlight, though, the highlight of my whole trip was one time i was in marks and sparks
is that the the uh colloquial name of uh oh yeah that's marks and spencer us english people
that's a department store it's a department store that also sells groceries yeah it's a department
yeah yeah one of the departments like you could go and get a pair of pants
and some root vegetables.
Well, they would call them
trousers, but yes.
No, I would talk about
the underwear,
which are pants.
Oh, no, they don't.
That's inappropriate.
They wouldn't sell those there.
But at a department store here,
they sometimes have food.
Like the basement of the bay
has like kind of a deli thing
and groceries.
That's true,
but it would be weird
if you were like,
I'm going to go buy a scarf and some meat.
Ooh, meat scarf.
And don't anyone send me a gif or picture.
No, if there's a gif of a meat scarf.
There is absolutely a bacon scarf.
Yeah, but if it's a gif, though, it's going to be funny.
Like if it's a scarf going on a guy and it's made of meat.
Or a scarf coming off and then all the meat has gone from his neck because the scarf ate it.
There's all sorts of possible gifts I'd like to see.
A scarf that's like an alligator scarf and it's eating the deer meat around your neck.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, did you hear what Discovery, the Discovery Channel is going to do?
Uh, what?
They made an anaconda proof suit. Yes, I did. And they're going to what? They made an anaconda-proof
suit.
Yes, they did.
And they're gonna feed a guy to an anaconda.
And he's gonna see
what it's like inside?
How big's an anaconda?
And how will he not suffocate?
Oh, I don't know.
You know what, I don't know.
Oh, maybe he'll just have an air mat,
like scuba gear.
But why couldn't they just send a camera through? Because it's not as dangerous. Well, maybe he'll just have like an air mat, like scuba gear. Yeah.
But why couldn't they just send a camera through?
Because it's not as dangerous.
It's not as crazy.
They want a guy to go through and write poetry about it.
They want a guy to be like, stinks in here.
Turns out it's unpleasant.
Yeah, the guy's like, I don't ever want to come out.
This is so comfortable.
How does an anaconda, do you know?
Like if I asked you follow-up questions, would you be able to to answer i know that they can un kind of unhinge their jaw yeah do they do they have to like venomize you and animize you uh beforehand
oh yeah like do they have to kill you first to swallow something so big i think they eat live
things then i'm not sure about this but i believe the fangs have like a paralyzing agent.
But they do eat like fully live things and digest them live.
And they can sometimes eat something too big for them and it kills them.
I guess so, yeah.
So they'd have to find an anaconda.
Because their eyes are bigger than their belly.
Not really.
They have beetle eyes.
How would that guy
the man who's gonna go
through an anaconda
or a woman
yup
thank you
yeah
oh that's right
we're so good
yeah
equality starts here
yeah
at the anaconda
eating college
yeah
how would the anaconda eating college. Yeah.
How would the anaconda, like, pass the person at the other end?
Because surely...
Very carefully.
No, it breaks it down.
Yeah, but I assume this person who's going through the anaconda... Yeah, that's my question.
They're not going to be digested.
They're going to climb out the front or...
Oh, they're going to climb back out the front?
Well, I doubt the anaconda is going to survive this.
Yeah, are they going to cut their way out?
If so, this is like PETA is going to be involved.
This is circus stuff.
Yeah.
No, because my thinking is probably they'll get him down partway and then pull him back out.
Because he can't otherwise, yeah.
Yeah, it's like a $20 bill on a string.
Or that thing you do with spaghetti.
Yeah.
Anaconda breaks.
You drink some grape juice, then swallow the spaghetti and pull it back up and it's all purple.
Oh, I never did it with grape juice.
What did you do it with?
I would just do it raw. Yeah, freestyle yeah freestyle not raw yeah not raw spaghetti but like without i swallow a bunch of
raw spaghetti cook it in my stomach what was the thing you would swallow it and then pull it you
would hold on to one this is i mean spaghetti i did this. Yeah. I did it as a child.
It's gross.
You drink grape juice.
I think we did it with raspberry juice once.
I think we only did it once, my siblings and I.
Yeah.
And we were maybe in France at the time where there was a raspberry juice readily available
because that's a thing they would drink there.
I don't know what I'm remembering.
Anyway, you take a noodle, a cooked noodle.
You put it in your mouth. You hold on to one end, and you swallow it, but you don't completely swallow it.
You keep holding on to one end, and then you pull it out of your throat, and it's purple.
That's a great kid thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then you know what you do?
You eat it.
Yeah, then you just eat it.
What are you, not going to eat it?
Yeah.
Now it's been given the full raspberry treatment.
Delicious.
I don't think I've ever had raspberry juice.
Yeah, I don't know.
It might have just been like a raspberry spray that you put in juice.
Food was weird over there in 1988 or whenever we went.
Did you miss anything when you were over in England?
In England?
That is a good question. They don't have root beer over there what it's ginger beer only yeah but then some of their ginger beers are
alcoholic so pretty good ginger beers are alcoholic well that's the other thing so like i
i you i may have even talked about this previously i'm not a big drinker or anything. I'm looking at you right now. You have a glass of water.
Exactly.
Nature's beer.
Yeah.
But honestly, when I got to England, I probably drank as much beer in the first like three weeks as I had in my whole life.
Oh, yeah.
Up to that point.
Yeah.
It's like you get to the country and they just like hand you a beer.
They hand you a Sam Adams because they love it.
Here, have our finest
beer.
A symbol of America's freedom.
Did you go
to a lot of, like, pubs?
Yeah. So many pubs. There's a pub
on the corner of our house. Of course.
Not of our house. It was in our apartment.
There was a pub of our house. Of course. Not of our house. It was in our apartment. There was a pub in our apartment.
Give it down in there.
I get up.
I'm down in the place.
I'm watching Anaconda movies.
When you...
I want to talk more about this.
What's the story, Morning Glory?
Did you recognize it from the album cover
or was it like,
is there like a heritage sign up?
There's a record store
that had the album cover up in their window that was like, look where you are.
Oh.
But we had already moved in.
But it was a nice perk of living there.
We had already moved in, so we couldn't change our mind.
We couldn't be like, ah, don't you have that apartment from Definitely Maybe?
We're more of a Radiohead couple.
Same era era right?
Yeah Same label maybe
I wonder if those guys talk ever
Do they ever just get together at the pub
And go through a Britpop bonanza
Yeah and just talk about the
You know
And be like hey
Do you ever keep in touch with the girls from Lush
Yeah
I happen to know for a fact with the girls from Lush? Yeah.
I happen to know for a fact that the drummer from Blur is a lawyer now.
And that is because when I was developing business for my business development job,
I tried to approach his law firm.
But then you got nervous?
You were like, eh, I like his drumming too much.
They just never returned my call or whatever. But when you went to their website it's like like it had like they were like we do corporate
law and all these different types of law so it's like corporate legal david roundtree and i was
like who and you click on it and it's the drummer from blur yeah and it's like a whole thing about
how he's like oh he knew a lot about music and then a friend asked him to testify in court for something and he was like ah i like the legal bug
but it's the thing that it was like being a lawyer is a lot like being the drummer in blur
you have to wear a wig yeah so don't worry about it
and the bass player from blur is a cheesemaker.
Yeah, that's true.
And let's see.
And the lead singer of Blur is a gorilla.
Is a gorilla.
Yeah.
Oof.
Wow.
It's weird.
It must be weird to be like, because I watched a documentary about Alice Cooper and the original
guy that Alice Cooper started the band with is now like a realtor somewhere.
And that's got to be weird to wake up and be like, oh, yeah, I used to be an Alice Cooper.
I used to be the other guy in Alice Cooper, and now I do this.
I wonder if he's a really good realtor, though.
Yeah, he calls himself the rockin' realtor.
Ah.
Yeah.
So, like, he sells houses to Alice Cooper fans?
Yeah.
Like, do you think he charges a premium?
Because people are like, guess what?
Guess what we have in here?
A guillotine.
Mmm.
A sauna and a guillotine.
Yeah, this kitchen would be perfect to feed your frankincense.
Boo. Boo, this kitchen will be perfect to feed your frankincense. Boo.
Boo, but yay.
So, yeah, you...
So, you're in Blur.
I joined Blur.
They needed a new drummer and bassist.
So, you just like, I can be both.
Yeah, I did both.
And, yeah, like, are you glad to be back here did you miss here or do you
miss there now that you're back here uh yes to both i definitely missed uh like towards the end
when it just because everything was so expensive i felt like i'd like walk out of the house and
cost like 20 to do anything like to leave your house literally your transit pass
for the day
costs $20
yeah
but you can go
walk up the street
and reenact
the album cover
yeah
no but the
Cockney guy
would make him
make me uncomfortable
five quid
you have to pay
just to look at
my face tattoo
yeah
it says
if you're reading this
you owe me five quid.
I was always worried
he'd like,
just say something to me.
Like,
that he'd just be like,
hey,
haircut guy.
And then I'd be like,
I don't know what to say to you.
Haircut guy.
You nailed me.
That's me.
Oh, I know what I was saying though.
Yeah,
the best free experience
that I had in London
was in a Marks and Spencers.
Oh yeah.
Did we interrupt this?
Which, yep.
You did.
It's all right.
Fun memory.
Getting out.
The world has to know.
I was in Marks and Spencers getting groceries, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man
who looked familiar to me, and at first I thought it was a friend of my dad's, and then
I realized that it wasn't, and who it was.
Ooh, a celebrity?
Was, yes.
Can we guess?
Go for it.
Mr. T. Nope. That's my guess uh uh english celebrity uh he is english but you wouldn't think of him as being an english oh i love this
game uh yeah uh okay i wouldn't think of a house nope house md nope see i would count him as you
would think of him as being an English celebrity.
Unless you only saw House.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know you guys are more cultured than that.
McNulty.
Don't even know who that is.
Christian Bale.
Nope.
All right, I give up.
Yeah, you'll never get it.
It's Anthony Daniels.
Ah.
Yeah.
From ER?
Nope.
No, who am I thinking of?
Anthony Edwards.
Anthony Edwards.
Anthony Daniels.
Anthony Daniels is the man inside C-3PO.
How did you know it was him?
I would think of him as British if you told me all that.
Because of all that, you know, Ponzi etiquette.
Yeah.
How did I recognize him?
Because when I was unemployed, I went on a big Star Wars kick.
And I had literally, like earlier that day, been watching a making of Star Wars documentary.
It's probably the only way I was able to recognize him.
Wow.
What was he buying?
Oh, some sort of weird treats?
Yeah, sure.
Was he translating anything?
He was buying groceries.
He was self-polite. Oh, you met him? Yes. Oh, okay. You he translating anything? He was buying groceries. He was self-polite.
He was everything.
Oh, you met him?
Yes.
Oh, okay.
You walked up to him?
You were like,
I started freaking out.
Please, sir.
I was like,
ah, ah, ah.
You're my only hope.
I get starstruck so easily.
That is a Princess Leia line.
I know, but you know,
you wouldn't say one of his lines.
You'd set him up for a line.
I just went up to him and went,
Beeloop. Beeloop. Weeoo. You know, you wouldn't say one of his lines. You'd set him up for a line. I just went up to him and went, Was that Dagobah R2 getting shot at?
That's correct.
Yeah, good one.
Thank you.
Really good.
I started like freaking out.
And then I was walking away and I said to my girlfriend,
I was like, I think that's Anthony Daniels.
And she had no idea who I meant.
And I was like, what do I do?
And she was like, you have to say hi to him.
Yeah.
Oh, and the other thing is that one of my good friends over there was a huge Star Wars fan.
So I was like, I have to say hi, like, just to, like, stick it to my friend, if nothing else.
That's how you keep friends.
I don't mean to be C3 creepy, but are you?
Oh, damn it.
I screwed it up.
Oh, nuts. Oh, damn it. I screwed it up.
Oh, man.
I could do one thing over.
Yes.
I don't mean to be C-3PO.
And I'm sweating, but I don't have C-3BO.
Oh, I can't think of one.
R2-D2-69. R2-D2-69.
Oh, I can't think of one.
I'm freaking out.
R2-D2-69.
So then we were checking out, and Anthony Daniels and his wife were like two, like one person ahead of us in line.
Like there was one other person than them.
But then as they were checking out, he, I think he could tell I recognized him. He was buying lottery tickets.
Yeah.
He was standing, he was standing like between his wife and me,
like kind of like open to me,
like look at me as if he was like,
yeah, it's me.
I didn't smell it.
And so then I was like,
are you Anthony Daniels?
He was like, I am.
And he was like,
so are you a Star Wars fan then?
And I was like, I am.
And we talked and he was like, where are you from?
I said, Vancouver.
And then he said he had been here to do a Star Wars live show.
And then he seemed offended when I was like, oh, I didn't know anything about it.
In fact, I can't even picture what it would be.
Apparently, it's him telling the story of Star Wars with an orchestra, like a full orchestra doing the music.
In his costume?
Not in costume, but in voice as C-3PO.
So like when he was telling the Ewoks
the story of Star Wars.
But anyways.
I would prefer he came out in the costume.
Wait, does he tell the Ewoks
the story of Star Wars?
Yeah.
I don't remember.
Does he go back to the first movies?
Yeah.
Remember, he's doing the thing and he does all the...
He did the prequels.
Yeah.
He's like, and I was actually built by Darth Vader.
I don't know how.
Yeah.
But anyways, he was just the nicest guy.
I met his wife.
If anyone else is considering meeting Anthony Daniels...
Is she a droid? You should know. Yeah. Is she into droids? She's a medical droid. just the nicest guy. I met his wife. If anyone else is considering meeting Anthony Daniels, you should
do it. Is she a droid?
She's a medical droid.
She's the one with a microphone
for a mouth. Oh, yeah.
Actually, her name is like Christine
and my girlfriend's name is Christy.
So we bonded over that. That's good.
I feel like, actually, I could probably
get him if you guys wanted him for a
podcast guest. I'll see what I can do. Next time he could probably get him if you guys wanted him for a podcast guest.
Yeah.
I'll see what I can do.
Next time he's here for the live Star Wars.
Yeah.
The Star Wars ending.
Star Wars on tour.
I thought it was, you know, all the characters came out and played songs for Star Wars themes.
R2-D2 playing a guitar? Like when the Ninja Turtles did the coming out of their shells tour.
Yeah.
You know, it was just songs about Ninja Turtles.
Songs about pizza, songs about pizza songs about
sewers um is he gonna be in the new did you ask him i asked him that and he confirmed it
ah exclusive yeah exclusive um that's uh uh great i wonder if like those guys like him they had no idea when they signed
on to that movie that guys like him and and uh harrison ford had no idea you know that this
would be a thing that you know how many years later now what is it the 40 40 years 1977 yeah
yeah that they'd be making like a new, like that people would still care about this.
Oh boy.
There's no way they thought when they were making it that like, this movie's going to
be the most popular movie for the next four decades.
When they were making that, did people still care about Casablanca?
Do people still care about Casablanca now?
I mean.
We do.
Yeah, we do, but not the same.
Like there's no, you know, Humphrey Bogart never shows up for anything anymore.
No, he's a no-show.
Yeah, yeah.
There's no, like, you know, conventions or whatever, or like Angry Birds Casablanca.
Lego Casablanca.
Yeah.
You know, what they have is a licensing problem with Casablanca.
They didn't market enough products.
I bet you there's action figures of Casablanca.
Oh, sure.
I mean, their action may not be right.
Like, no one takes them out of the box.
Yeah.
Posable figurines.
Their action is not given a damn.
Yeah.
Wait, that's gone with the wind.
I feel like that is the
the equivalent of
confusing Star Wars
and Star Trek
to an old movie
they're like
windies are all like
you idiot
windies
wouldn't you say
goners
is there a word for
Star Wars fans
warsies
yeah there isn't one is there yeah no unless they just Is there a word for Star Wars fans? Warsies?
Yeah.
There isn't one, is there?
Yeah, no.
Unless they just... Because it was Trekkies for Star Trek.
Where did my stutter come from?
But then I heard a movement that we're not Trekkies anymore, we're Trekkers.
Trekkers, yeah.
Because Trekkies got, it became derogatory?
I guess.
And they thought somehow
Trekkers was gonna
Throw people off the scent
I'm a Shrek-y
Did you say a Shrek-y?
That's what I said
But like
Yeah if you're in a sci-fi
You know franchise
You can do that
For the rest of your career
Just go to conventions
And
I was the guy
Cause I know a guy
I know a guy who was on Stargate he still
gets invited to past guest Gary Jones Gary Jones he just recently like he went to one in France
and then he went to one in Australia and also whoever watched Stargate I don't I don't know
it's not like you're like it's not like Star wars yeah yeah it's like people definitely watch stargate but
enough to keep tertiary characters yeah apparently like it's still a thing they have these gate
cons what are they called gators yeah gators yeah dangerous they they hold it in florida
um stargate was actually
A movie about
A scandal on the set
Of Star Trek
I guess it was a TV show
It was a movie too
It was a movie
It was a movie too
But they downgraded
From Kurt Russell
To MacGyver
Stargate the movie
Was the first movie
I ever saw
Twice in theaters
Wow
Really What was mine Maybe ever saw twice in theaters. Wow. Yeah.
Really?
What was mine?
Maybe Dick Tracy?
Ooh.
Twice in theaters.
And I remember my dad being not impressed.
Being like, we have to what again?
How did you talk?
Because that was the thing.
I feel like I got to see a movie once in the theater, and then if I was lucky, when I came out on VHS.
I don't, well, I would never do it.
Like, the idea of watching a movie more than once is a relatively, I mean, you know, half my life ago.
Yeah.
But, like, if I saw something in the theater, I wouldn't go rent it at a blockbuster or whatever.
It's a waste of a blockbuster.
I think I would for something like Ninja Turtles or something like that.
But I don't think I saw that in the theater more than once.
I saw it once, and then I had to remember it via trading cards.
I had to remember my favorite scenes.
And they made it easy to remember with all those statistics on the back.
Those trading cards were just...
Did you ever collect those that were from just one movie? I think I have the full set of Jurassic Park trading cards were just did you ever collect those that were from like just one movie
uh i think i have the full set of jurassic park trading cards yeah exactly and it would just say
on the back like sam is frightened or whatever yeah you know and that would be it yeah and you're
like no thanks a lot sam the kid i don't know well the kid i're thinking of Sam Neill as the actor. That's right.
He was afraid on set.
He was afraid a lot. Of this guy holding up two tennis balls.
Match my eyeline.
No.
No.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Did you ever see, like, any behind- behind the scenes footage of making of jurassic park
um i don't remember i just remember the one uh the tyrannosaurus rex whatever
yeah he was from the east east of canada yeah um whenever it would get wet it would just start shaking
and then they had
they had no way
of drying it
except slapping it
with towels
so
they
were all
all this footage
of like
you know
20 PAs
with beach towels
all slapping
this Tyrannosaurus Rex
oh man
it made me laugh
and the Tyrannosaurus Rex
is shaking
oh man
scary
yeah
so funny um yeah why
did you go see stargate twice in the theater i mean i was like 11 or something i probably didn't
think it through that much but what did you like it i guess yeah i remember just thinking like i
don't know what's going on in this movie i I just remember, like, there's a scene where they use, like, a Zippo lighter
to signal each other, like, across the desert.
And I owned a Zippo lighter, so I remember being like, well, this is the best.
Because you smoked as a kid?
Yeah, I was...
Yeah, why did I have a...
Well, I had to go see the movie twice because I missed a lot taking my smoke breaks every 20 minutes.
No, back then you could smoke in a theater.
Were you in the Boy Scouts or something like that?
No.
I definitely, I didn't have a lighter, but I remember being like, yeah, I need a lighter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I definitely.
I didn't smoke or anything.
I just, I loved fire. lighter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I definitely... I didn't smoke or anything. I just... I loved fire.
Yeah.
I remember a friend gave me a lighter that if you rubbed it, the bikini on the girl would
vanish.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
I think I was more interested in that part of the lighter than anything else.
Also, you could take off the top of the lighter and crank the gas as high as it could go.
Oh, yeah.
You ever do that?
Yeah.
And create a torch?
For sure.
We had a fireplace, and I loved starting it up.
Yeah, getting trash together and burning newspaper.
Old report cards.
New report cards.
If you could get a milk carton, that would act as a chimney. It would light something in the bottom and have the smoke come out the top of the milk carton, that would act as a chimney.
It lights up in the bottom and have the smoke come out the top of the milk carton.
Ah, I never did that.
And then as it's burning, you can still kind of see the label on it and changing color and going like monochrome.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, we can all agree.
Starting fires is the best.
Starting fires is the best.
At the end of every school year, we go down to the Fish Creek Park and throw all of our notes, all of our binders into a pile, light them on fire.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
But what if you need to know that stuff next year?
And also the plastic was so poisonous to us and everything around us.
I remember one time I went to this like after school thing on Friday nights for kids.
And one night we had a pizza thing.
And so there was like 40 pizzas.
And they just put the pizza boxes out by the garbage.
And then at like eight or whatever, they were like, okay, like it's over.
Everyone go home.
But everyone just went outside.
And then we lit all these pizza boxes on fire.
This was the time before recycling existed.
And so the teacher
or whoever came out and was like, what?
We were trying
to keep you out of trouble.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man.
That's like how they say when you send people
to prison, it just teaches them to be a criminal.
Yeah, yeah.
Get a bunch of 12-year-old boys together.
Give them a bunch of greasy cardboard and see what they do.
Hey, I got a lighter.
Good thing I have this Zippo.
I could just see the first kid going, yeah, I'm going to light this on fire before I leave.
And then other kids just going, yeah, let's do it.
Oh, man.
Woo.
Oh, we had fun.
The fire bug.
Dave, what's going on with you?
I don't remember.
I had like three things.
Okay, we're releasing this
I think on like
the 17th of November.
Yeah.
We're ahead of schedule.
It's just the way it worked out
uh but so this past weekend was halloween yeah and we spooky scary yeah and it was a friday
uh so there was a there's like parties and stuff oh yeah it was a nightmare
it was oh uh because we uh live in a neighborhood and like, uh, people like kids were coming
to our door.
We didn't have that many kids.
We had like 15.
Okay.
That's good.
But we had, you know, 200 pieces of candy.
Yeah.
Um, but I bought the wrong candy and I, like I wanted Wonder Bars and Butterfingers have
a similar label.
Yeah.
And I was here when you realized that.
I know.
You were unhappy. Uh, so we still have a lot of
those um and then but that night there's these people across the street and uh this isn't a
thing that happens everywhere but in vancouver on halloween people light fireworks and firecrackers
and stuff and they're the very worst that happens everywhere no one does not really yeah
yeah i grew up in calgary in the first year i was here i was like what i thought seriously
somebody was being shot because it was halloween night and i was helping my friend move and then
it's just like bang bang bang and i was like what the fuck was that yeah you know fireworks
halloween fireworks i was like oh you mean a thing that's not a thing anywhere?
Growing up here, you assume it's a thing everywhere.
It's not.
It is not.
And it's a reason enough to move.
Because, you know, people will light stuff all month long.
Grownups will light stuff all month long and have firecrackers going off every night.
Yeah.
You're garbage people.
The place I just moved from, they did a solid week of just lighting them off, but not at any intervals that anybody could enjoy them.
Just one out the window.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I don't know.
Sometimes I'll see a person light some off and then walk back to their their house don't even see it going off yeah yeah right and then not pick
up the garbage that they left in the middle of the street kid you know what that's recycling if we had
some pizza boxes for these kids to light on fire then we wouldn't have this fireworks problem and
so it was pouring rain all week except ha night. And I was like, oh, perfect.
Firework weather.
Like if it would just rain, these people's dumb party across the street would break up.
No one would be lighting anything up.
Yeah.
And they were just lighting stuff all night.
Boom, boom, bang, bang.
Clickety clack.
And not bothering me too much like, know at nine o'clock uh yeah then our dog hates firecrackers and you know in the past he's he'll just hide
under the bed he likes regular crackers oh yeah absolutely give him a saltine uh and he was
actually like he's gotten better over the years and he's not hiding under
the bed as much uh but uh like around about 10 o'clock he's like enough is enough and started
hiding under the bed yeah and so uh and then eventually around midnight we went to bed uh
and then at 2 30 in the morning i heard these three booms that were like, oh, someone is setting off explosives.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's also like this party is kind of out of control, but what are you going to do?
Right.
Call the cops.
It's Halloween.
Everyone's, the cops are everywhere.
Like everyone's calling the cops.
Yeah, and the cops are like, we're not dressed like cops.
Other people are dressed like cops.
Who are you going to bully? Yeah. Everyone's calling the cops. Yeah, and the cops are like, we're not dressed like cops. Other people are dressed like cops, so we don't have any.
So I heard these three giant booms go off, and then I heard, like, a way louder boom go off.
Oh, wow. That, like, shook the house.
Abby and the baby didn't wake up, but I did.
And, like, outside I heard people talking about how they were setting off something called bear bangers.
Oh, yeah.
I've heard of those.
Which are explosives used to scare bears.
To scare bears off.
Yeah.
They're not fireworks that you buy.
No, you buy them at a camping store.
Yeah.
They're not things that you set off for fun.
I think that you maybe even shoot them out of a flare gun.
Cool.
fun i think that you maybe even shoot them out of a flare gun cool they're out there just shooting off flares from uh yeah from a boat doing air horns oh god and so not fun but so
disruptive and so the other so i get up and i look outside and i see what's going on and then
the cops show up right then and apparently someone someone had called the cops because there was a guy with a knife threatening people.
So, like, I really should have trusted my instinct earlier on and been like, maybe I should get the cops to check on this dumb party.
Oh, brother.
brother.
There is something about Halloween that like,
I think in a certain way,
it brings out like the best kind of creative side of people. And it also brings out the very worst people.
It brings out the best in kids.
Oh yeah.
Kids love it.
And it's like,
you know,
grownups who want to have a fun costume.
Great.
Yeah.
Yeah,
exactly.
Wear something to work,
hand out candy,
take your kid trick-or-treating.
But, man, yeah, it's just turned into, like, just a really skanky time of year.
Like, I know that it's, you know, it was a slow burn on that.
Like, it wasn't always, there were no sexy Halloween costumes when I was a teenager.
Believe you me, had there been, I would have been.
You would remember.
Yeah, exactly.
You'd remember every single one.
Yeah.
That's new.
But I don't know.
I didn't.
When did you wear costumes through your teen years?
Yeah, I think I was into it.
I would go.
I went to like whatever, Rocky Horror Picture Show. RoboPate Show?
Yeah.
But yeah, the fireworks thing, I mean, it wasn't that bad because the new place I live in, there's nobody across the alley that does crack cocaine.
Just that vacant lot.
Yeah, it's perfect.
Which actually would be a perfect place to set off some fireworks.
I know. I was thinking about it. I was dreading it. I was Yeah, it's perfect. Which actually would be a perfect place to set off some fireworks. I know.
I was thinking about it.
I was dreading it.
I was like, oh, man.
If anybody gets wind of this vacant lot, it's going to be Fireworks Central.
Apparently, the reason Vancouver is unique in this regard for having...
I guess you grew up in Victoria.
Yeah.
And we do it over there.
Yeah.
We know how to party.
It's that it has something to do with the fact that the British population celebrating Guy Fawkes Day on November 5th.
Which is today.
Which is today.
And the Chinese population with their abundant firecrackers.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Because they do.
Is there some sort of thing at a cemetery? There's some sort of something that happens at a cemetery. Oh, Goth Day? Yeah. Cause they do. Is there some sort of thing at a cemetery?
There's some sort of something that happens at a cemetery.
There's fire.
Yeah.
Got that.
That's what it was.
Uh,
that,
uh,
it's a Chinese holiday.
Oh.
And they also let,
like they light off lanterns and it's like a day.
Oh,
they're like the ones that float up.
Yeah.
Um,
yeah. Anyway. So, so that was that. The other thing I the floating lanterns. Yeah.
Anyway.
So that was that.
The other thing I wanted to talk about.
Yeah.
Here we go.
I discovered a new television show.
Oh, exciting.
And it is so bad.
It is the name of the TV show.
It's a game show.
Okay.
Name of the game show.
Gameplane.
I love it. Like the word game. It's a game show. Okay. Name of the game show. Gameplane. I love it.
Like the word game plan with an E on it.
Yeah, I guess.
Which makes it not game plan in hard direct.
Yeah.
All right.
Gameplane.
And here's the TV show.
It's hosted by Mark L. Wahlberg.
What?
The other Mark Wahlberg.
He's the host of antiques roadshow
there's another mark walbert yeah he spells it i thought you meant donnie wall no no no
does he say like hi i'm mark l walberg yeah he might he goes uh i uh hello i'm not of the
funky bunch yeah you might remember i mean I believe he was the host of Temptation Island in the early days of reality TV show.
And he hosted Antiques Roadshow?
He hosts Antiques Roadshow.
What?
The American one.
Yeah.
It doesn't work for me.
Well, it's just his name.
Is it the name that's on it?
The fact that he would host those two things.
Antiques Roadshow is supposed to be highbrow, damn it. Yeah. Is it the name? Is it the name that's on it? It doesn't like the fact that he would host those two things. Antiques Roadshow is supposed to be highbrow, damn it.
Yeah.
Is it?
Yeah.
It's simple.
Yeah, it's just people bringing in their junk.
Yeah.
No, it's not.
It's the same as Storage Wars.
What?
Except, isn't it?
I thought it.
They bring it in to an expert, and the expert is like, yeah, this is an authentic half million
dollar whatever sculpture. Yeah, picture of a clown. And the guy who brought the expert is like, yeah, this is an authentic half million dollar, whatever, sculpture.
Yeah, picture of a clown.
And the guy who brought it in is like, yep.
I thought, I always thought Antiques Roadshow was for like the Frasier crowd.
Yeah, it is.
But the people who bring it, the people who watch it, I think, are the Frasier crowd.
Yeah.
But the people who bring it in, bring the stuff in are just, you know, people who found this, like, you know, my mother gave me this.
I didn't, I don't, she didn't like it, but here I have it.
Yeah.
And the guy's like, yeah, this is $400,000.
Yeah.
These are Fred Astaire's feet.
Gross.
As made famous in that mop commercial.
Gross.
As made famous in that mop commercial.
Did you know that Fred Astaire and Michael Jackson had the exact same measurements?
Is that right?
Yeah.
And like a 26-inch waist, weighed 100 pounds, and were tiny people.
I like that fact. So, Mark L. Wahlberg.
Okay.
Does it take place on a plane?
It takes place on a flight.
Is it like Cash Cab?
It's sort of like Cash Cab.
It's sponsored by Allegiant Air.
Okay.
Never heard of it.
It flies to secondary airports.
Okay.
So if you want to get a cheap flight to Las Vegas, you drive from Vancouver to Bellingham,
Washington.
Right.
And take Allegiant Air to Vegas.
Oh, but it lands in Vegas.
It doesn't land in like desert airports. Oh, and take Allegiant Air to Vegas. Oh, but it lands in Vegas. It doesn't land in, like, desert airport.
Oh, I don't know.
It might.
Just picks a patch of desert.
We can set her down there.
Everybody take your socks,
or your pants and your socks.
So, Mark L. Wahlberg is at the front of the plane.
Everyone on the plane has been given a card from the deck.
And they said, we're going to play a round of whatever dumb.
So did these people know getting onto the plane?
I guess so.
They must.
They must have signed something because no faces are blurred.
Right.
Uh, some t-shirts are.
Bachelor rep weekend.
Um, but, uh, yeah, so, so, uh, he pulls a card and he's like, the eight of spades come out and someone has
that card and they go to the front aisle.
And it's in coach because sometimes they'll pull someone from first class and they'll
have to come back to the bulkhead.
Oh man, what is being in first class if not having to participate in a game?
And these people will sit all along a row,
and Marky Mark will ask them questions.
The one I saw, there were three different games,
and one was sort of like, there are 13 types of punctuation.
How many can you name? And the person was person like i think i can probably name four well i think i can name five and they would go back and forth with each
other and then one was like uh like a hot potato game and if you're holding this thing while
you're being asked a question then you lose but if you answer the, you get to hand it off to someone. So it was all these sort of dumb games.
Oh, man.
And these people.
And the greatest thing is, like, if you win a round, you get $50.
And he has to hand it.
He's on one side of the plane.
He has to hand it to the next person who has to hand it down.
We're all reaching.
It's really uncomfortable.
You're on a plane.
And it's also really loud.
Yeah, of course.
There's a lot of, like, he asked the question, and a lot of the answers are, can you repeat that?
Because we're on a plane.
Why wouldn't they?
Can you just hear in the background the whole time?
They're like.
No, it sounds fine, but you can tell they can't hear each other.
Because they have microphones, but.
Right.
Oh, man.
It's, and like, do they say what the flight is?
Yeah, they're on a flight from Honolulu to Los Angeles.
Oh, God.
Which I'm certain is like Burbank.
But it's like, you would have to, that would be like, whatever, a seven hour flight or
you'd have to do it.
You couldn't, you know, like just hide in the bathroom the whole time.
I don't think you have to take a card.
Oh, okay.
I think you can be like.
But you can't be ignoring like.
But it is a little bit Price is Righty where like you, the contestants are picked from the audience and they have to run up.
Wow.
It seems like a show that would have been like on in the 50s or something.
You know?
Like when plane travel
was like flashy or whatever.
But now it's on
at two in the morning
and all of the commercials
during it are like
for whatever those
class action lawsuits.
Oh yeah.
It's like mesh.
Some sort of mesh.
Some sort of mesh disaster
downstairs.
Oh man.
Were you in a plane crash because the pilot was distracted by a game show?
Oh, he called my card.
Oh, man.
I can't wait to see the show.
Yeah.
It's on 2 in the morning on KSD Washington.
Oh, man.
Speaking of TV shows.
Is this Get to Know You?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah.
There's a new reality show.
And I don't like, I find reality shows like they're good for one season.
Oh, okay.
Do you know what I mean?
And then I'm like, I don't need to see it ever again.
Like I get the novelty of it.
I don't need to see it ever again like I get the novelty of it I don't need to see new people that being said Abby and I are quite enjoying the 21st cycle of America's
next top model well that's ever great but those are cycles not seasons different thing um there's
this one that's called uh what is it I think it's called 90 day Engagement. Yes. And I've been watching it the last couple of weeks.
And man, is it hilarious.
So what this show is, it's someone's coming to the USA.
Yeah.
You have to get a, it's called the K-1 visa.
It's named after the mountain.
No, no, that's K-2.
Sister.
K-1.
Every kiss begins with it you you have to if you're engaged to somebody of
90 days to marry them if they're from another country and they come into america you have 90
days to marry them or they have to go back to their god-. Yeah, exactly. And so it's, you know,
it's a bunch of sets of couples
and you're seeing like,
how are they going to make this work?
And by and large, you're like,
the only barrier is that
this person's in a brand new country.
The other barrier is that
these two people haven't ever met in real life.
A lot of them have.
Okay.
But there's a couple that haven't.
Yeah.
And they're the best.
So did the TV show
put them together?
No.
There's like
mail order brides and...
Yeah, they found them
through like
weird websites.
Like,
I was teaching English
on this website
and this person
was learning English
on this website
and now she's
my future wife.
And anyways,
there's one couple
that's just... I mean, it couldn't be more transparent.
Does the season follow these couples or is it a couple per show?
Follows everybody.
So if you watch one season, a same couple will pop up in multiple episodes?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's the same like six couples and they just go back and forth amongst the couples. And there's one couple where she's, you know, mid-40s year old kind of dowdy mother of eight or something.
You know, she's got like so many kids.
It's crazy.
I haven't seen it.
And then he's like, he's from Tunisia and he's.
Wait, so she's the American. She's the oh i've only seen the other
way he's the he's the guy from tunisia looks kind of like a catalog model clearly is not like you
know whenever they show them together like the way he kisses her is the way you would kiss your
grandmother or a dog and uh anyways it uh i mean there's a sadness to it but there's the hilarious to it is so much
louder than the sadness yeah who's sadder the american or the foreigner uh i get racist
i mean there was a band called foreignerer. Oh, sure, yeah. Everybody likes their songs. But, like, is it the person who's, like, desperately needs to become an American or this American who desperately needs.
Who can't find anybody in one of the most populated countries on earth to mate with?
Yeah, both.
I think it cuts both ways. But like I say, most of the couples are kind of boring. And the only challenge is that it's like kind of uncomfortable to have to get married in 90 days.
It's kind of inconvenient family-wise.
But then there's a couple couples where it's like, nah, this is never going to happen.
This is never going to happen.
And anyway, so it's a giddy.
Do you have a cable now?
No, no.
I go over to Alicia Dobbins' house and watch it.
Does she like it?
Yeah, yeah.
It's great.
Yeah, so that's the new show I discovered.
Okay, so how much have you seen of it?
They're only on like the third episode.
Oh, really?
Okay, so I've seen one of three.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's, man, it's good it's getting
good getting good fast oh boy yeah and uh you know like do you think you'll ever get married andy
oh geez oh no uh yeah probably all right you heard it here first you have 90 days yeah
jesus uh from when this i feel like i have to propose before this podcast comes out now I feel like I have to propose before this podcast
comes out
no no
you have 90 days
from when the podcast
comes out
oh okay
yeah
otherwise one of you
has to go back to England
I'm not saying which one
actually your reality
show thing
reminded me
we didn't have TV
in England
but we did take
a mini break
to go to the Cotswolds
for our anniversary
actually
okay what's a mini break and what's a Cotswolds?
A mini break is like an English thing that they do where they go on holiday just for the weekend.
Oh, okay.
Every summer we can rent a cottage in the Isle of Wight if it's not too dear.
Yeah, you got it.
Ah, there it is.
Yeah.
So we went to the Cotswolds.
Good luck putting that on your Spotify playlist.
There's a guy who puts together a Spotify playlist of every song we mention in the show.
Oh, really?
Oh, really?
Oh, wow.
Good work, guy.
Indiana Jones theme.
I might be a girl.
You went to Cotswolds?
We went to the Cotswolds.
And there we had TV in our room.
That's the whole point of the story.
And we were watching it.
And it turned out there was a reality show about them doing, like, police work in our neighborhood.
Like, so there was things.
In London?
Yeah, in London.
Like, Soho Squad.
Yeah, because Soho has tons of the sex trade and stuff.
Right, yeah.
And so there were things where they were, like, doing raids, like, literally down our street.
Knocking over your garbage can?
Yeah, totally.
So we were kind of like oh jeez but remember
the better times the oasis
yeah remember when we were on that
cover of that oasis album
and then the show is like we're here on the cover
of the oasis album
busting
isn't every relationship kind of a sex trade?
Yes.
So 90 day engagement.
90 day engagement. I love it.
The other
thing I did. It's no game plane.
Nothing will ever be game plane.
What about a show where they have to get married
by the end of the flight? That's good.
Oh, that's really good.
Yeah, the five hour engagement.
Oh, I like it.
Married by Reverend Mark Wahlberg.
Everybody gets on the plane in bikinis, some sort of bathing suit.
So, you know, the person doesn't have to see them fully naked, but gets an idea of what they're in for.
Yeah.
And then.
Why not?
Well, they have like nude dating or what is it?
Dating naked?
That show is boring. What? Yeah. Yeah. And then. Why not? Well, they have like nude dating or what is it? Dating naked or whatever.
That show is boring.
What?
Yeah.
There's a show called Dating Naked and it's just like too nudist.
Well.
No, it's not.
Yeah.
They're already nudist.
That's where he lost me.
Yeah.
I thought it was going to be like.
Remember how blind date everyone was always so attractive because they are all just aspiring
actors.
Yeah.
That's what I wanted. Oh, wanted oh man no it's not that people who are already like they their main thing
was they wanted to be naked and being on tv yeah and they're super comfortable they're comfortable
with their body not because their body's great just because they're super comfortable yeah yeah
they like being comfortable yeah or their body is just comfortable. Check, please.
Taxi!
This guy really wants to get out of a show.
It's a naked taxi, naked dating taxi.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, and then you have to do a trivia game on the way to the airport.
Oh, what if you... Dude, I would love it if they had a whole day.
You just wrapped up and then you got in cash cab and I took you to the airport and you get on game plane.
Game plane?
And then you get
home and you're on that border security reality
show.
You just can't get away from it.
Yeah, so I've been
watching that show and
oh, I also,
speaking of all things post-Halloween,
I went to a costume shop.
Did you get discount costumes?
How many did I ever?
I bought so many discount costumes.
See, most people will go get discount candy.
No, not me.
I bought wigs and hats.
It was the greatest.
I was the only guy in the store, and the lady was like, oh, you should have seen it two days ago.
I'm like, I know.
I get it.
Did she say it as if she's like surprised that it ended?
She's like, I don't know what happened.
I just got a new shipment in today.
I just put a damn payment on a house.
Things were going so well.
I just bought a new car.
I sold out of Shrek costumes.
I'm ruined.
I'm ruined.
I gotta move these costumes. I sold out of Shrek costumes. I'm ruined. I'm ruined. I got to move these costumes.
So I did that.
And I also started reading Jodie Sweetin.
Oh, yeah.
Stephanie Tanner from Full House.
Yeah.
Who, I mean, I'll be done it by tomorrow, I think.
Well, don't brag.
Double spaced.
But it's good. It's, you know, she it by tomorrow, I think. Well, don't brag. It's double-spaced. But it's good.
It's, you know, she did meth afterwards.
Yeah.
How rude.
But yeah, it's surprisingly readable.
Does she go into the meth?
Yeah, I flipped through it, and there's definitely the meth,
and she also took like pills.
She used to do pills.
It was great.
Do you think
she did that
because she heard
that that girl
from Wonder Years
got into meth
and got really confused?
Pretty good.
Thank you.
That is pretty good.
That is really solid.
And on that note,
do you want to move on
to overheards?
Yeah.
Baby geniuses. Hey everybody, I'm Emily. And I'm Lisa, do you want to move on to overheards? Yeah. Baby geniuses.
Hey, everybody.
I'm Emily.
And I'm Lisa.
We co-host Baby Geniuses every other Monday on Maximum Fun.
We interview comedians, musicians, cartoonists, circus clowns, and experts in the field of
vacations, the afterlife, cool recipes, self-improvement, fashion, candy, beach boys, girls, turtles,
pop twists, women, dating, fitness, president, hair removal, conflict resolution, Santa,
meditation, babies, modern dinosaurs, bullying, crop circles, and beetles, middle-aged men,
experts, teens, life hacking, rhyming, baby talk, personal organization, the name Dexter, I'm Jesse Thorne. Me, Buffett, Franks, The Tonight Show with Gunn, Johnny Carson, Mountain Dew, The Park Safety, Dinner Parties, Butterflies, Raccoons, Pasta Shaves, and Bob Dylan.
Join us every other Monday.
Yay!
I'm Jesse Thorne.
I'm Jordan Morris.
The federal government has millions of dollars in programs and opportunities that you need to seize today.
You're a taxpayer, right? Well, then you've got it coming.
Thanks to Uncle Sam, you can get grant programs for veterans.
Post-it stamps that'll ensure your mail gets there in a timely fashion.
Fruit for you and your family.
Child care for your children that turns them into super soldiers.
Get a million dollars to open your own lake.
Useful power tools that are easy on your soft, delicate hands.
Your own personal radioactive brick.
More sexual attention from everyone at the used bookstore.
Greyhound tickets.
Soft, gentle kisses from TV's John Goodman.
A real narwhal.
Athletic socks filled with stew.
A valuable pamphlet on millet.
Your father's approval.
Don't wait. Right now.
For all of this and more, drop us a line.
Jordan, Jesse, go.
123 iTunes Street or wherever you download podcasts.
Overheard.
Overheard's a segment in which those out there in the world with their ears and eyes.
Over here.
Ears on the ground.
Yeah.
Eyes on the fries.
Fries.
Fries.
Oh. Eyes on the fries? Yeah. Eyes on the... Fries. Fries. Oh.
Eyes on the fries?
Yeah, eyes on the fries.
That's not bad.
That's a McDonald's slogan.
Now I want fries.
Ooh, McDonald's has a new slogan.
What?
Down with love, up with hate.
I forget what it is.
White power.
All right.
All right.
You all white meat chicken breast. Whoops. All right. You all white meat. Chitin breast.
Whoops.
Whoopsies.
It's like a new variation on I'm Loving It,
which, by the way, an original song by Justin Timberlake.
Everyone seems to forget that.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
It must be weird when that comes up in the mix,
when you've got it on shuffle.
Yeah.
It's going to be on a Spotify playlist now.
Oh, yeah. We always like to start the overheards with the guest if you want to you want to roll it out andy you can do this you ready yeah all right uh you made a motion like i actually had to
physically roll something out and i panicked i was like i don't have the thing. Okay. This Overheard comes courtesy of being in a public washroom.
In your own time.
Everyone's making weird gestures, for the record.
Dave just made a gesture like if you were backing a car up,
and you needed to be like, you're going to back into a hole.
Slow down.
Yeah.
I was in a public washroom in a hotel in England.
Ah, public loo.
A public loo.
Public lavy.
Do they use lavy?
I don't know.
Yeah, because they do call it a lavatory.
Yeah.
They call it, actually, they say toilet a lot, which is hard to get used to.
Did they ever call it a WC?
Yeah.
No.
If you say, oh, can i go to like where's
the washroom they're like why are you all dirty and you're like no i you know like i will be after
i do what i'm gonna do gross uh okay uh and it gets this yeah this is kind of juvenile also
so i was in the a puppy lab in a pub puppy labby yeah uh and this like three and it was like a two stall
public washroom situation uh do they call it a stall or like a poop hut
uh yeah they call it a poop hut um and this like three this like probably five-year-old kid walks in and goes, goes, dad, are you going poo?
And then there's like this pause and this voice from the other stall goes, go watch TV in the lobby.
Yeah, your father's doing cocaine.
Yeah, your father's doing cocaine.
No, but I just don't like using the stalls in front of everyone.
I don't like using the urinals in front of everyone.
Yeah.
I like the feeling of this temporary apartment that I got.
You're going to add.
Nope, that's the whole thing thing Just this kid wandered in
And announced to the room
That was his dad going poo
It takes a while
Some people never learn it
That a public bathroom is the worst place on earth
Yeah
Some people are still way too comfortable there
What in the public bathroom?
As adults
But I get it that a children person might come in and be like, hey, this is a fun room.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All sorts of crazy stuff is going on here.
I haven't learned that my body's gross yet.
It's not my body.
It's other people's bodies are gross.
Yeah.
I'm here to tell you your body's gross.
Well, that's just one man's opinion.
I've been sent from the future to tell you.
One man's opinion.
Andy Kallstrom's body is gross.
That's going to end up as a pull quote.
In what?
In the Times.
Yeah.
The Times review of podcasts.
Good stuff.
I just think it's funny because why was this kid just like wandering around the hotel?
Well, he was probably like, where's my dad?
Doing his signature move.
The number two.
Dave, do you have it over?
I do. I was over? I do.
I was on Main Street today, walking the dog, walking the baby.
Yeah.
Doing the double duty.
Upstairs, downstairs.
Yeah.
And I overheard these two ladies carrying yoga mats. Well, ladies in their 50s, 60s, 50s.
Maybe 60s.
Is that ladies of a certain age?
I guess.
Is that the term that you apply to, or is that 40s?
I don't know who you apply that term to.
I think 40 is the new 30.
Oh, that's true.
I think a certain age moved up.
Does that mean 20 is the new 10?
Oh, boy.
What is a lady of a certain age?
Yeah.
She chased the sun around the Côte d'Azur until the light of life became obscure.
She got her groove back.
I forget the rest.
On holiday.
Anyway, the song is called A Lady of a Certain Age.
Okay.
By The Wedding Prison?
Anyway, long story short, I was on Main Street,
and these two ladies carrying yoga mats, one of them was doing all the talking.
Although, half of the conversation, it was interrupted
halfway through when they noticed a bunch
of pigeons sitting on
wires. Oh, look at all those.
I wish I brought a camera.
But
this woman was saying, oh, it was the ugliest
baby I've ever seen.
And then she wanted to send
me a picture of another baby, a cuter one, and she sent it.
And I got to tell you, it was identical to the ugly baby.
I wanted to send both pictures and have them printed out so I could show her.
Oh, man.
Yeah, that's definitely a sign of an older person,
that they always want to print things out.
Because I was listening to two dudes at the pharmacy,
and they were talking about how the blood pressure machine
used to print out a ticket,
and this guy had a binder that he put all the tickets in.
And he's like, now you go to the thing and you give them the card and they'll print it out for you.
But they were like, where do you get the prints out?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I want to have something tangible that I can bring home.
Yeah.
Put on the fridge.
Yeah.
My blood pressure's high.
Show it to my wife.
See?
Yeah.
Staple it to her dump for it.
My wife is a totem pole.
She's made of wood, so I can staple things to her easily.
Now, Graham, do you have an overheard?
I have a...
What's your blood pressure?
Oh, probably pretty high.
A thousand over a thousand?
Yeah, yeah.
A thousand.
Yeah, yeah.
So it's one. If thousand yeah yeah so it's
one if you divide it it's just one i do not know how what blood pressure is i don't know what a
good one is i know it's like 140 over 80 or something yeah like i but like i don't know
the math to what a bad one is i did it i did the thing where you go the automatic you know you put
your thing in the cuff and it does an automatic and uh it it said like it was like high and then i like i was chewing a piece of gum and then it
went higher and i was like this thing just is affected by the wind it doesn't matter what
you know there's no that's not anything it's like a ouija board yeah exactly like i mean it gets
your blood pressure from the spirits yeah yeah it's uh it's what is Harry Houdini's blood pressure.
Oh, yeah.
I guarantee you within five years, if they haven't already done it in a Final Destination movie,
there will be a movie about a killer blood pressure machine.
Have you ever seen the one about the killer tire that goes and bounces around?
It's very funny.
Is it a short?
No, it's a feature-length film. It's about a tire that just, yeah, it bounces around. It's very funny. Is it a short? No, it's a feature length film.
It's about a tire that just, yeah, it kills people.
Tire's Day Out?
Yeah, it's kind of like that.
Like it goes, you know, it's very Ruben-esque.
Yeah, yeah.
It's very round.
Mine is an over scene that is from, uh, sometimes, uh, when you do comedy, somebody's
like, uh, Hey, can you put these dates on hold?
Uh, you know, we were, we're seeing if this client wants you for a corporate thing or
whatever.
And I got an email today, uh, telling me that I can take, uh, my, uh, holds off of these
dates.
Cause I did not get the job.
The client hired a magician.
You won't be needed.
I'm available most
of December now.
For comedy or magic?
Yeah, that's the thing
is I don't have a broad enough scope.
I just do the one. i don't have a broad enough uh scope i just do the one and
and now to be a magician yeah like if you do comedy yeah you you perform and that's how you
get better and like you're basically learning on the job yeah like you write the jokes and then
you try them out and you see what works and you get better as you go and you improvise a bit.
With magic, is it all, like, are there schools for it?
Like, do you learn?
And I'm asking you this as a guy who received an email about losing a job.
The only reason I have anything to say about it is because I worked with a magician on the weekend.
Where?
It was a festival called the In the House Festival.
Okay.
And they do like perform,
like somebody that has like a big house,
you go and do shows in their house
for like 50 or 60 people.
And so it was like me and a belly dancer
and a magician.
Oh.
And the magician was so good.
He was like, I'm going to steal all your Christmas work.
Yeah, poof, disappeared.
He did a thing where he gave out, you know, just playing cards to everybody in the audience.
Everybody on the plane.
on the plane and he had us like tear the cards and then stack and restack them in a certain way and then you put one of the half cards in your pocket and you threw away other cards by going
like she loves me she loves me not and then at the end the fucking piece that you had was the
matching one to the one in your pocket. It was,
I was like,
that's fantastic.
Yeah.
We were all,
we're all kids again for a second.
Whoa.
Yeah,
it was,
it was like,
whoa,
how do you do that?
And,
uh,
you know,
it's some trick,
but you know,
he was good.
It was a scam.
Yeah.
Flim flam.
Yeah.
Um,
but yeah,
it's like,
uh, they, they, they kind of write tricks.
And, you know, the magicians will do them with each other.
But do they ever bomb?
Like, does a magician ever go, like, oh, this is not working?
Well, apparently, and I was talking to this magician about it because I heard about this on NPR,
is a lot of magic is that you're expecting a certain outcome.
So you're not seeing things that are happening right in front of your face because you think A plus B equals C.
But for kids, it's very hard to do magic for because they don't know to follow the hand motions.
They just see you putting the thing in your pocket and they go, that's
where it is in your pocket.
So they, he's, and I asked him, I was like,
is it hard to do for kids? He's like, yeah, there's
some tricks you just can't do in front of kids
because they just suss out how you did it.
And because you're not allowed to show your dick.
The ultimate Mr. Ad.
Is this your card? Is this your card? the ultimate Mr. Yeah.
Is this your card?
Is this your card?
Um,
but yeah,
like,
uh,
I,
yeah,
I think they,
they write,
you know, and then you,
you get tricks like magicians do the same.
There's not like people writing like,
oh, this is the only guy who does that trick. Right i think there's a lot of fuck them that's what i say about
magicians magicians ventriloquists fuck them what about ventriloquists why did that just
vanish with the 80s what do you mean what did that vanish jeff dunham is alive and well and on a stick
yeah that's true but it's like there's only one.
He's like the only one
that's like a famous ventriloquist.
I saw a ventriloquist who is,
he was very funny,
but he just moved his lips.
Like he was just like talking,
like made no attempt to
not show that he was moving his lips.
But a lot of times when you hear a ventriloquist and they're not moving their lips,
you're like, what the fuck did he say?
I can't understand.
Or like Jeff Dunham, for example,
is so stiff-lipped when he's doing the voices
that it's distracting.
Yeah.
What, you don't just go like this all the time?
Hello, everybody.
You don't have your lips so super tight?
Hey, uh... I kill you.
I am the old man now.
And now I'm a monkey child or whatever.
Now, we also have overheard sent in to us from all over the world.
If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org.
This first one comes from Brian in Dublin, Ireland.
Oh, your hometown.
Yeah.
That's where you lived, right?
Yeah, sure.
I just walked past two little girls of about seven who were play sparring with each other
and saying together in robot voices,
Robot fight.
Robot fight.
That's pretty cute.
When did girls start robot fighting?
Oh, boy.
I think probably with this whole, you know,
nerds rule the world kind of aesthetic.
I like it.
I like this whole new... Did you see that trailer for the robot movie
that has Hugh Jackman and also...
Wait, is it a sequel to the robot fighting movie?
No!
That's what's so crazy about it.
Going back to that same well.
Yeah.
What was that movie called?
Fight Bot?
What was it called?
Fist of Steel?
Steel something?
Real Steel.
Real Steel.
Yeah.
This new one is?
It's Hugh Jackman and a robot
and the two members what's that crazy band jedward no not jedward from south africa oh yeah yeah yeah
uh oh yeah it's a neil blomkamp movie it looks it's it's like first of all obviously neil blomkamp
has not seen short circuit because that's what the movie is.
Oh, okay.
Even the scientist who makes the guy is an Indian guy.
I'm like, this is just Short Circuit.
In Short Circuit, he's not an Indian guy.
He's just a guy pretending to be an Indian guy.
Well, that's true.
Is it Fisher Stevens?
It is Fisher Stevens.
Yeah, that's right.
He was an Indian.
I don't know how I feel about this anymore.
Still like Short Circuit.
Anyways, I wish David Spade was still doing Hollywood Minute, because then he could do that.
I like it the worst.
I want it to be called...
I don't remember.
I don't know.
You remember that?
No.
Oh, what?
But I love your guys' version.
We do a good impression.
It's amazing.
This next one comes from Tim H. in Adelaide, Australia.
Oh, good day.
Good day.
My cousin came over for dinner and brought her four-year-old daughter, Amelia, with her,
who was keen to do some puzzles with me.
While we were playing, I took my glasses off to clean them with my shirt, and Amelia suddenly
started rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically.
I asked her what was so funny, to which she replied,
You look like a husband, and ran off laughing.
Sick burn.
Because that's what a kid is like.
That's what a husband does.
Oh, well, I remember these Vietnamese kids in my neighborhood
and they had these,
they were in the park and they used to love to play with the dog
and they were running around and they had these glasses,
sunglasses,
and the
lenses fell out of the sunglasses.
And so the guy put them on just like as
black framed horn rim glasses
and these Vietnamese kids were like,
you look Chinese.
Oh man.
Yeah.
What makes a kid laugh?
I'll never know.
I'll never be allowed into it.
Comedy is really hard to do in front of kids.
Yeah.
That misdirection.
Yeah.
They don't follow.
But they're like, if you do a husband gag. If, that misdirection. Yeah. They don't follow. But they're like,
if you do a husband gag.
If you do a spot-on husband gag.
Because that is,
it's just some stupid thing,
you know?
Or maybe she just got bored
with the puzzles.
Yeah, he might have been
projecting that onto her.
She really wanted to do
puzzles with me.
Well, that's a,
if it's all that's on offer,
that's another kid's on offer.
That's another kid thing.
It's like, oh, yes, I'm ready for an afternoon of puzzles.
And then two minutes in, I'm bored of this.
I don't like this anyway.
I had a different idea in my head. Yeah, I peeled off some of the, so now they're just cardboard pieces.
Yeah.
Bye.
Bye.
Yeah.
This last one comes from Brandon S. in Halifax, Nova Scotia.
Hey.
I was walking through a local Walmart.
This is a couple years ago.
Like a mom and pop Walmart.
Yeah.
And noticed some signage advertising DVDs, Blu-rays that were on sale.
Whoever was in charge of writing up the names of the movies clearly didn't care enough about
their job to proofread what they'd written.
And like, so the DVDs are right there.
So you could see the title of them.
Uh, these are just, uh, he sent in a bunch of pictures of them, but here are just a highlight
list.
Sure.
Um, it's a diary of a wimpy kid, dairy of a wimpy kid.
And then they chose it.
Like the movie is right there. Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Dairy of a Wimpy Kid. And then they chose it.
Like the movie is right there.
So the guy would have had to try to spell it wrong.
Angels and Demons.
Angles and Demons.
Who do we get to guess some?
Get them to the Greek.
It's my favorite, I think. Go for it.
Get them to the Greece.
Like the country?
Night and day.
King and day.
And Twister twisted.
That's good.
Yeah, pretty good.
That's fun.
Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.
If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have.
Hey.
Hi, guys.
This is Sean from D.C. calling in with an overheard slash celebrity crush out, sort of.
I was at a concert, and there was this couple behind me, and and it was really loud so they couldn't hear each other.
And I heard the guy say, wait, your first crush was Brendan Fraser?
Thanks, guys.
What's wrong with that?
I believe it.
Yeah.
There was a time when he was a hunky lead.
Yeah.
He was an Antino man.
And he was in the one with the... School Ties?
Alicia Silverstone.
Blast from the Past?
Blast from the Past.
I don't think that was hunky times.
Yeah, it was.
No.
Come on.
Never.
I think he was hunky
all the way up
to The Mummy.
He was hunky
in The Mummy, wasn't he?
Including The Mummy?
Yes.
What about
The Mummy Returns?
No.
Yeah, it kind of fell off.
He was not hunky.
Okay. Was he Journey to the Center of the Earth? Yeah. What about the mummy returns? No. Yeah, it kind of fell off. He was not hunky. Okay.
Was he Journey to the Center of the Earth?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was post-hunky.
That was post-hunky.
Yeah.
He did a weird run of like kids movies.
Like where it was like him and a couple of kids.
Yeah, he was George of the Jungle.
Yeah.
Was he Dudley Do-Right as well?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like he just, weird.
Yeah.
Was he Mr. Magoo?
His agent must have been like, we're trying to get you a bow wiggle, but if that falls through.
We got a two-for-one deal.
Yeah, will you be Grape Ape?
What?
Will you be Fruit Brute?
In the cereal General Mills feature?
Grape Ape, the whole thing was that he just,
everything he said was grape ape.
That was his whole character.
Huh?
That guy from Game of Thrones.
Yeah.
I guess.
He's based on grape ape.
Yeah.
I've heard all of Game of Thrones is based on serial mascots.
That's true.
Yeah.
Jon Snow is a frosted mini-wheat.
Yeah.
That was pretty good.
Boy, I wish I could think of more.
Of course, I knew enough about, well,
Game of Thrones. I know plenty about cereal.
That could easily be a BuzzFeed article.
Here are the cereal equivalents
of all your favorite Game of Thrones games.
Don't flatter yourself.
Here's your next phone call.
Hey, Dave and Graham, this is Brent in Georgia.
I've got an overheard for you.
My wife and I were walking down the street in Athens the other night,
walking past a restaurant, people sitting outside,
and overheard one guy say to the other,
okay, I wouldn't want any of that.
I just want a monkey that was like
tidy.
I don't want any of the troubles.
I don't want, you know,
monkey troubles.
I don't want Dunstan to check
anyone out.
Dunstan checks out.
It's him lowering his sunglasses and looking at ladies who walk by
oh man dunstan is an ape i believe not a monkey that's i apologize for for bringing him into this
um yeah i guess i guess that's all anybody nobody wants all the troubles of no when No, when we imagine having a monkey, we think, you know, it wears a diaper, it changes its own diaper.
Yeah, you get to walk with it hand in hand.
It'll grab a beer for you.
Shine my shoes.
Yeah.
That's a big one for me.
You guys get to smoke cigars together.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I wonder what a monkey's hand feels like.
Probably really rough.
That's my guess.
It depends.
Yeah. I wonder what a monkey's hand feels like. Probably really rough. That's my guess. I think it would feel like a creepy combination of an old man hand and a little kid hand.
Oh, yeah.
Too old to be so small.
Yeah.
That would be a good thing on someone's tombstone.
Too old to be so small.
This monkey.
Here lies this this ape monkeys aren't apes graham i can't stress this that is so racist graham if you buy a a cemetery plot in a human cemetery we bought
a cemetery that's my favorite matt damon movie can you bury an ape there? Oh. Hmm.
That's something
for Ask a Mortician.
Yeah, yeah.
Is it just yours
to do anything with?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Can you put up a tent?
Can you dig a hole
and have like a,
put up a tent
but have a basement?
Yeah.
Oh, good call.
The dream.
Yeah, right?
This is my man cave.
Here's your final overheard of 2014.
Hi, David and Graham.
It's Abby's aunt, Sheila, calling with an overheard from the school where I work.
The setting is the school cafeteria.
Ahead of me in line are three boys around 12 years old and then myself.
The two first boys in line had already finished serving themselves,
and they were waiting to hassle the kid in front of me.
And one of them said to this guy,
I know who you like.
I know her name, and I'm going to tell everybody,
and there's nothing you can do about it.
And the kid in front of me, he didn't even look up from the food he was putting on his plate.
He said, I don't care.
Your mom's hot.
Stacy is mom.
All right.
Yeah.
Who knows that I love your mom?
The most alarming thing about that, I thought was That yeah Teachers are in line
With the kids
For food
Yeah
It's like
Oh man
Get your own room
Yeah
Don't touch all the meatballs
I want to have one of those meatballs
Yeah
Oh man
Did any
Either of you guys
Have a crush on
A friend's mom
No
Nope
Near a youth
No
No
I had a big one
Oh yeah
Yeah yeah yeah Was she a young mom
not not especially but she was uh because that's when i think of of my friend's moms i'm like
oh no they're mom age no this this but this lady was very she was very foxy and she had
a like a boudoir photo in their living room oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and she like you know was big into her appearance and
like i remember i remember us hanging out and being like like how much am i here because i like
this guy is a friend and how much am i here because i'm hoping to just see his mom and it was
it was like uh yeah 50 50 split because uh she great. I'm trying to think of my friends.
They had a pool.
She was always in a bathing suit.
What?
Yeah.
Okay.
I didn't have that. This is saucy stuff.
Look, I'm even trying to keep going.
What happened at the end of summer, Graham?
It was so unusual because she must have known like because, you know,
like teenage boys aren't suave,
you know?
So like when she walked by
everybody was like,
oh yeah,
et cetera,
et cetera.
Yeah,
boy.
This was during teenage years.
Yeah,
yeah.
Oh my.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
Because I was thinking
of like being like eight
and like having a silly kid crash and like, oh, that'll never. No, yeah, it was yeah because i was thinking of like being like eight and like having a silly
kid crash and like oh that'll never no yeah it was like this was you know uh adolescent going
into teenage years so and now you're like i've got things she's got things yeah exactly you're
like there's nothing i won't hump at this point.
How old do you think she was?
That's a good question.
I think she was a bit younger than the other moms,
but not significantly.
It was, yeah, I would just remember it because she was like, you know, went to the tanning place and had like bleach blonde hair.
And yeah, it was a wild time. had like bleach blonde hair. Yeah.
Which you were very into.
Yeah.
You're into super tanned women with bleach blonde hair.
But like I just remember like she just, in my memory, she was never not in a bathing suit.
Because they had a pool.
And you lived in Calgary, Alberta where it's sunny 365 days a year.
Yes, I've blocked out a whole chunk of that.
A whole 10 months a year.
I'm just remembering the pool parties
and how great it was.
The pool parties with his mom.
Yeah, well, because she'd be there, you know,
chaperoning, but she was like,
I'm like, you don't know,
but you're the main attraction.
You're like, I gotta hide in the pool now.
Graham, we're serving lunch.
I can't get out of the pool just yet.
Sorry.
Well, you know what? Throw me one of those
hot dogs. We'll see what I can...
No, not the hot dog.
I don't want to see you holding that hot dog. It'll remind me of
the thing.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
If there are any kids out there listening, it's going to be all right.
There's not.
Well, there are, actually.
There probably are.
Oh, yeah.
Well, and now you're married to that mom, right?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm married.
I'm married to the mom.
I'm married.
I'm now my classmate's stepdad.
Yeah.
And I spoil him rotten.
I take him to the circus.
He can have whatever he wants.
Well, that brings us to the end of this here podcast.
Now, Andy, do you have anything that you want to plug?
Yes.
Do you have any projects on the go?
I do.
Thank you for asking.
Yeah.
Projects on the go. do thank you for asking yeah projects
on the go maybe not that grandiose i was just gonna say i'm doing movember if anyone wants to
to donate to my movember okay if you just search my name um but also i should plug the
comedy show that i'm helping run here in vancouver the City of Angels, which is called Jokes Please.
Yes.
It's at the Little Mountain Gallery every Thursday night at 9, costs $5.
And it's great.
It's a lot of fun.
It is.
Yeah, like there's, it's me and Ross Doak and Ivan Decker, and usually two of us will
sort of host the night.
So we'll have some banter off the top.
I hope people love that.
Yeah.
People cannot get enough banter.
That's all we do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Straight chit chat.
That's $5.
It costs five.
It does cost $5.
It's been years and years that comedy shows have cost $5.
The cost of living has gone up.
Everything else is more expensive. But indie comedy shows still $5 cost $5. The cost of living has gone up. Everything else is more expensive.
But indie comedy shows,
still $5. Hey, that is a good point.
We are idiots.
We never crossed that barrier.
What are you going to charge? Six?
Yeah, exactly. I remember the Urban Well
when I started,
I charged seven.
That was difficult to make change from.
I believe Rap Batt at uh the little mountain
gallery uh that cost 10 10 primo night i think they're better than us i remember when i started
hosting i mean they are they have to turn people away if you don't have you must have this much
money to enter yeah and i turn people away sometimes like just don't have, you must have this much money to enter. Yeah. And I turn people away sometimes.
Like just.
Just because?
Nope.
Get out of here,
riff raff.
Yeah.
Dave, anything to
plug?
I don't think so.
You're not doing
Movember this year.
No.
Nah.
Taking a time out.
Did I do it last
year or the year
before?
I feel like it was
last year.
I think I did it
two years ago.
Wow.
Oof.
Time flies eh
Are you doing Movembergram?
No
Cause that would include
Don't you have to shave
Don't you have to start from zero?
Yeah
Yeah no
You know
I think I'm just gonna do
The ice bucket challenge every day
I'm not gonna donate to charity
I'm just gonna record myself do it
Wow
What if somebody did that?
Eh
Who knows
Oh yeah
Like they just dumped ice
On themselves
Or they dumped
Everyone's mustache hair
Ew
No
Are you gonna do that
Cause they have parties
Right
At the end of Movember
Where you go to a bar
And they have like
Hot shaves going on
I also don't agree
With that spelling of mustache
With an O
Really
With no U
Yeah
No with
Yeah with no O
With I like it with just a U Just a U Not M-O-U Yeah yeah yeah Oh with an O. Really? With no U? No, with no O.
I like it with just a U. Just a U. Not M-O-U. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like I must dash.
Yeah, I gotcha.
And as I've been plugging
all the way along, Wilderness
Man. Doing great.
Well, hopefully this...
Won a couple fan choice awards
in the contest.
I saw a very fetching picture of you in a wig on Instagram.
Oh, yeah.
That'll be a couple of weeks ago when this comes out.
But, you know, the voting for the top 15, I don't know if we'll have made it.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Maybe not.
But check it out.
At?
At Wilderness Man with three A's.
On Twitter. On Twitter. For all the deets. Yeah. Or WildernessGraham. A's. On Twitter.
On Twitter.
For all the deets.
Yeah, or wildernessgram.com is the website.
Wonderful.
And if you like the show, head over to MaximumFun.org.
Check out all the blog recap of the show, which are pictures and videos relating to the content of this episode.
That Oasis album cover will absolutely be in there.
Oh, yeah.
Great bait.
I hope we'll make
an appearance
oh sure
um
Brent Frazier maybe
why not
Ed is hunky
yeah
and uh
if you like the show
please do tell your friends
and come on back next week
for another episode
of Stop Podcasting Yourself MaximumFun.org
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