Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 366 - Matt Braunger

Episode Date: March 23, 2015

Comedian Matt Braunger joins us to talk Portland, fair play, and drinking at a Legion. To support the show, go to maximumfun.org/donate.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 366 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man. Hmm, what do you say about this man? Oh boy, someone didn't come up with an intro.

Well, he's not a man who usually wears just a t-shirt. So this is a special, this is a red letter day. Usually I wear like a special t-shirt. Yeah, well you'll wear a button up or a polo it's a weekend yeah that's true i'm a dad on the go it's dave shumka hi there hello nice to see you nice to see you as well and our guest today a very funny comedian uh has a new album out on itunes called big dumb animal he also has his own podcast ding donger with matt bronger it's matt bronger hey everybody thanks for having me on

guys thanks for uh thanks for being guest on the show oh absolutely absolutely i mean as long as i'm in town why not yeah right exactly it's a great podcast not to butter your muffins but it really is that that's what we like that expression butter your muffins yeah stole it from weird science oh really gross biff yeah i love that yeah he's in the kitchen with Kelly LeBrock, who those two guys have invented in that sexist masterpiece of the 80s. It's a little, you know what? I don't know if it, maybe they handle it better than I'm thinking back to. I might be a reactionary, but Biff is definitely a misogynist.

Right. And Biff is looking, he's like, before you go, I'm going to butter your muffin. And she's like, you're gross, and turns him into a pile of crap. Oh, cool. Yeah. For me, I use the expression as a compliment rather than Yeah. Not to butter your muffin,

I like it. A sexual threat. Oh, should we get to know us? Sure. Get to know us. So Weird Science was a movie and a TV show. It was a TV show? It was a TV It went long running on like USA or something

Yeah I didn't know that And it may be Like they made Ferris Bueller into a TV show as well Yeah That didn't last long They did Parker Lewis Can't Lose was already on

Yeah They basically jacked the idea And then We were like that was our idea Who was the big guy? Kubiak? Kubiak? Kubiak. Yeah.

Good pull. Thanks. Yeah, didn't he end up on like an ER? Yeah. Thing. He was like, he's like the go-to like big. His name's Abraham something. Big love.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like an orderly or something like that, right? A disorderly. I just. He was the white member of the fat boys yeah um he uh i just was at an audition with that dude okay and i was like hey it's kubiak oh wow yeah this is now do you have that like where you go to auditions and there's like people that you see from oh absolutely all the time all the time that would be i couldn't handle it all the time it's weird i've been at auditions with the guy who played ogre on revenge of the nerds no way yeah uh wow it's it'll be it's kind of a fun game to go in your head like

oh how do i know you how do i know you like don't touch your phone go to mdb the movie you know him from go like what was his character uh and and yeah it's it's it's uh those guys should just have like a qr code on them and you could just scan them i i remember uh mick yeah mick betancourt uh who uh kind of gave me a bit of my start in chicago who's a very funny he he now writes for he wrote for sv law and order uh svu and all this stuff he kind of took a hard left turn into our dramas from doing stand-up, which is interesting. But he told me when he moved to LA before I did, and he was at an audition room with the actor who played Cameron on Ferris Bueller's callback. Oh, wow.

And he was, in his mind, he's like, what is this guy doing here? And he's like, hey, man, like, you still audition? And the guy just looked at him and goes, it never stops. It never stops. It's just like, okay, cool. I'm And the guy just looked at him and goes, it never stops. It never stops. It's just like, okay, cool. I'm Alan Ruck

and I'm offer only. As long as you, yeah, as long as you keep that in your mind, it's like, yeah, this is what you have

to deal with. Do you ever go to auditions and you're like, oh, these guys are auditioning for the same part as me? Oh,

for sure. Oh, these guys are a Matt Bronger type? Right, well, or yeah, you're like Ogre or Matt Bronger? Yeah, it's, or you're like Ogre or Matt Bronger.

Yeah. It's like a 20 year age difference or something. But the thing that gets me is, the only thing that gets me is like when a guy goes, hey, aren't you like, don't you, aren't you like, don't you have a pilot coming out? And he's like, yeah, my agent's told me you're going for this anyway. You want to be like, get out of here. You have a job. Just pick up some extra

whatever. Which is a pilot. Come on. Yeah. It hasn't been picked up for years. Have you heard Ogre's podcast?

Dig Doger with Ogre? It's great. Not to butter his muffins, but it's a good one. Dig Doger with Ogre from Revenge of the Dead. It just doesn't ring off, it doesn't roll off

the tongue well at all. But yeah, it's like, that must be very, and the people that are those people, that would have been in like an iconic movie, they must know people are looking at them. It's got to be strange. Right? Uh-huh. It's got to be strange. I guess the guy that played Biff in Back to the Future, like, hands out cards that answer the top time questions.

Yeah, Tom Wilson. And he's a very funny stand-up. Yeah. And that's where he, you know, makes his living now. And he does, he has a whole song about it. Yeah. About all the, and he just answers all the questions. Where he's like, let me just cover it right now.

Yeah, they're all nice. Everyone's nice. What's Michael J. Fox like? He's nice. what's Michael J. Fox like at Jonah Ray's wedding Harmar Superstar was doing live music and they did The Power of Love and Tom jumped up and sang it with him and we're all like

wow and he passed Tom passed me leaving the stage and I just nodded I just said thank you and he kind of gives a nod like I get it I get it this kind of made everyone's day and it was like I turned to my girlfriend I was like I can't believe I get it. I get it. This kind of made everyone's day. And it was. I turned to my girlfriend.

I was like, I can't believe I'm seeing this. I'm seeing Biff. Seeing the power of love from Back to the Future. Everyone throws manure at him. Eat it. Yeah. Make like a leaf and get out of here. But yeah, it's got to be weird, especially if you were like an iconic character, but you weren't iconic enough that that became your whole career.

Well, yeah, that's the thing. It's just a job. Yeah. It's got to be tough being famous, but not rich. I know. It is tough. It is tough. I'm just saying it can help.

It can hurt. But in the end, you can't. The only key I can imagine is you don't let it drive you crazy. That's all. Yeah, I played him, but in the end, you can't, I, the only key I can imagine is you don't let it drive you crazy. That's all. Yeah. Yeah. I'm, I'm, I played him, but that's not who I am. Yeah.

Yeah. Like what is it? Is Mark Hamill, is he somebody who's, is he rich? Like he was just in, I saw him in that, uh, the, the Kingsman movie. Okay. Okay. The secret service one. Yeah.

Uh, which is absolutely ludicrous movie, but it's a lot of fun. And he just plays like a scientist. And I was next to my friend, Kevin, who's a little bit older than me. And just saw him on the screen, and he has aged. But we all will. And my friend was like, oh, my God. I'm like, just relax. Yeah.

Come on. He looks how he should look for his age. He was a teenager. He was playing a little boy in those movies. Yes. Exactly. And wasn't, didn't he, he was in a motorcycle accident or something like that? Yeah, between like the second and third movie, I think.

Yeah. Oh, really? He hasn't had like the easiest life. Sure. And then I think he does voice work or something. Yeah. He did a lot of cartoon voice work. Yeah.

So. But it's like, like, I'm sure he's fine, but you know, like everywhere he goes, he's, he's Luke Skywalker. Right. Right. And it's, but he's not,

he doesn't get a cut of Luke Skywalker. No. You know, money. Yeah. So he's, he also got to do that

iconic Simpsons episode. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's true. I'll play Luke. Who wants to play Obi-Wan? Kenobi? One of my favorite lines

from Simpsons ever. Like there's so many different Obi-Wans. And where he's singing Guys and Dolls. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Guys and Dolls. So good. So you live in L.A. Yes.

And so you do comedy, you do acting, you do podcasting. Sure. What else is going on? Yeah, triple threat. Triple threat. What you do is you, you know, we were talking about auditioning, and I don't know people who only do that and make a living at that. That's bananas.

Just being an actor? Yeah, it's like that is, it's always, anytime you audition for something, it's like, it's a scratch ticket. Yeah. Basically, you probably won't win if you win. Right. Oh, good. But it is like winning. Because it could take, you probably won't win. If you win, all good. But it is, it is like winning.

Because it could take, all it takes is one person to be like, what if, what if we just made him a character, a 26-year-old black guy? Then you're gone.

Right. Oh, just at the last second. You just never know. So what you have to do is you have to create your own stuff. And so I,

just, I just write and come up with ideas, vehicles for myself And I've got a web series That I'm shooting with Comedy Central this year That I wrote with Kevin Avery Who's a San Francisco comic who wrote on

Totally Biased with Kamau Bell And he now writes for Last Week Tonight So I went to New York for about a week And we just banged out this Six episode arc Nice, did you go to the M&M store? I didn't. Oh, no.

It's one of the sites. Times Square. That's a blunder. That's a blunder. Missing out on that. I thought you meant it was a Marshall Mathers-specific store. Oh, you've got to go to the M&M store. It's really angry.

All the salespeople yell at you. It's like Spencer's Gifts, but just furious all the time. All of their name tags say Slim Shady. When you walk up, they just flip you off right in your face. Just right away. Spit on the product. And then run over and take care of their daughters. They all have a tattoo of Eminem's daughter.

Stay in the Hailey section. They'll treat you a lot better. I wonder how many Eminem fans have that tattoo of Eminem's daughter. Oh, I hope not. That's so weird. I bet you a lot better oh yeah i wonder how many eminem fans have that tattoo oh eminem's daughter yeah oh i hope not that's so i bet you i bet you a lot so weird stan doesn't yeah no stan's dead yeah and his girlfriend boy boy what a sucker his girlfriend yeah you just i just i just try to try to come up with stuff uh for myself i was actually just a little side note but i was uh in my um my hotel room yesterday working on uh memorizing some sides for for the an audition on monday and intermittently watching tv and uh uh pale rider was on you know know, Clint Eastwood.

Yes. And then I was thinking about a couple of days ago, Braveheart was on. And anytime those guys have given themselves a vehicle, it's always the most badass guy ever. Well, that's true. This amazing, amazing man. Yeah. Amazing. Like, oh God, he's so witty, but tough.

And girls love him. And I got to ride off in the sunset. And you're like, wait, you gave yourself that part? Like, there's never a guy who rode a vehicle for himself where he's like, yeah, he's a big coward. The girls don't like him. He's the world's biggest coward. He's kind of a creep. He's kind of a creep.

He always says the wrong thing. He's on playgrounds beating off. He's never like a terrible guy. Wow, you gave yourself that role that's so brave it is true like there is a point

where you you know these guys they don't have to they don't have to audition or do they maybe they would if they like

no well if not if they have a you know Mel Gibson had a deal with a network and Clint Eastwood has an open end deal yeah but what if we go with a 26 year old black guy

are you kidding are you I wrote this about myself I think I want to see Clint Eastwood has an open-ended deal with. Yeah, but what if we go with a 26-year-old black guy? Are you kidding? I wrote this about myself. I think I want to see. This is his last hurrah as a gunslinger. I want to see someone else riding in that Grand Torino. You can get down the amount of horrors I'm with during the movie, but that's all you can do. I'm Clint Eastwood, damn it. Oh, yeah, he sings at the end of Grand Torino.

He, like, sings a ballad the end of Gran Torino he like sings a ballad about a Gran Torino yeah so it's like what if it was a hip hop song get out but there must be

a point where Nick Cannon in Gran Torino Nick Cannon is a racist old white man I love it

it's a farce now oh I would love that if it was just a director who refuses, he refuses to see color no matter what. Right. Or age.

Yeah. Especially in a movie. I like it. Let's cast him. He's good. Yeah, well, there's got to be a point where you get to a level

where nobody says no. Of course. Right? Yeah, which is not good. It's hilarious for us on the outside. It's hilarious for us. And the whole thing of people around, I'll say, like my level, it's always kind of too many cooks.

If you sell an idea, there's just 12 people giving you notes that you're like, wait, and you've got to pick your battles, which one to push back on. But then again, I was in a period once where I was like, wait, and you got to pick which your battles, which one to push back on. But then again, I was in a period once where I was like, no, I'm just going to write it all myself. I don't want anyone's notes. And I was just for a year, this was kind of writing not great stuff. But now that I collaborate with people, it's always, you always need someone to, to, to,

to build it with you. I think I don't really believe in the, the auteur thing very much. Yeah. Cause I mean, anytime someone's like, I wrote all of it, I directed all of it. I didn't get any notes from anyone for rewrites.

You're just, you watch it. You're like, this is bad. Yeah. Wait a minute. The character could fly all of a sudden. This is indulgent.

But yeah, it's, yeah, there's a certain point. But even like people who are like super, like they do it all themselves. They have their own style. Like Wes Anderson, he co-writes everything and he doesn't design. What?

Like, does he draw out every set? He has collaborators. I'm saying everyone needs collaborators. Yeah. You know, I'm sure he'll write a script and then someone will look at it and go, I'd move this scene to here or this scene or get going to me a bit earlier. Cuter. Cuter.

Make it more like a diorama again and again and again. Action. More diorama. Grand Budapest Hotel. I was just like, that was a lovely cake. Yeah. Yeah. It was very like, that's why I always think that Fantastic Mr. Fox was his, like, ultimate movie.

Because he got to actually design the characters. Yeah. Like, they, everything was. I still think someone should have said, stop having them run up a wall and do a spin jump every time they're happy. So that happens about 78 times during that movie. Like, stop. Just stop having everyone do the big kaloo kalay every time something good happens. But it's what you wanted it to happen in every movie.

Sure, right. But the actors were unable. Actors kept pulling their groins and hurting themselves. Gene Ackman broke his hip trying to do it. That's why he doesn't act anymore. Gene, just try it. Just try the run up the wall. For me, indulge me.

Do one take. Have you been practicing with your parkour coach? Oh, man. So you're writing your own stuff. You live in L.A. Yes, sir. Now, you're originally from Chicago, Portland. I grew up in Portland, and then I lived in Chicago after I got out of college.

And you're one of the founders of the Bridgetown Comedy Fest. I am. Now, how's that? How's organizing a comedy festival? You know, we have a lot of people that produce it with us. Andy Wood and I started it. This isn't an auteur festival where it's just all Matt Brown and Matt. Hell no.

I could never, ever do it. It never would have happened with just me. Never. It was all Andy Wood and Kimberly Brady who started it together. They asked me, do you think we should start a festival? I was like, totally. I'll do anything I can to help. And then now it's kind of evolved.

Kimberly's not as involved with it, but we have other great producers, Whitney Streed, Charlene Connelly, Helen Vank, Riley Newton, who... What if music came up? Yeah, it sounds like an acceptance speech. I want to thank my dog, Larry. That Italian guy that thanked his dog, Larry, was the best part of the Oscars.

I didn't see the Oscars. Who was that? Was that a guy... I don't... It was like a bunch of guys that worked on, I want to say Birdman or something. Okay, and like a guy thanked his dog. Just thanked his dog, Larry dog Larry. God bless him.

With a name they don't even have in Italy. That would have been great if they cut to the audience and Larry was his date. Who are you wearing? Yeah. But no, they work really hard and the hardest part is saying who

gets in and who doesn't. We have this kind of this graph chart of who's done it before, how many times. Do you still do it? Do we all kind of vote on it? Oh, yeah, totally. We just watch hundreds and hundreds of tapes. Now, let me ask you, why all the bridges? Yeah, why so many bridges?

Otherwise, you couldn't go from east to west. Portland to the Willamette River would divide us all. What about barges? Ferries. Yeah, there's a song called all. What about barges? Fairies. Yeah. There's a song called Barges about the barges that roll down the Columbia. Oh, there you go. My mother used to sing to me as a child.

Oh, I'm sorry. We do have barges loaded with marijuana. The fires upon bales. My mother used to sing to me about About the bales of coffee and weed Yeah Now is it a I've never been to the festival Is it a festival that happens in like

Different types of venues? Yeah Cause that's Portland all over For sure Different types of venues For sure Mostly in Well all in southeast Portland

Okay In theaters and, and bars basically, but there'll be, there'll always be some off the wall joint we'll do right now. We, we, we've got a,

um, kind of a speakeas, easiest show that's going to be at a distillery. That's like in front of the, the liquor sales kind of thing. So you, you mix it up a little bit and, and then we have a little tours that we take the comics on.

A lot of comics have compared it to summer camp, like the same kind of feeling you have when you're a kid. Because when it's over, everyone's crying. I don't want to go. You have to go back to your mommy. Somebody's put their hand up somebody's shirt for the first time. Yeah. Oh, for sure.

And we get them started by taking them to strip clubs. That's a thing in Portland, right? Is it's like the most? Per capita of any city. Now, is there a lot? In the country. Is there a lot? I Per capita of any city. Now, why? Is there a law? In the country. Is there a law? I'm sure Bangkok has more.

But it's dangerous. No, it's just there's no nudity law, really, in Portland. And it echoes to. Is there nudity laws elsewhere? Well, there's some places the ladies got to keep their pants on. If you serve them. Their entire trousers. In Chicago, if you serve liquor, they can't show their...

Ankles. Ankles, correct. Right. It's very conservative. No. Their downstairs business. Yeah, all their stripper names. It's really weird.

Their boobs are out, but they wear the leggings of a pantsuit, which is strange. Yeah. It's a really weird look. It's fun for a theme. She works hard for the money,. Which is strange. Yeah. It's a really weird look. It's fun for like a theme. She works hard for the money, just on a loop. Yeah. Somebody coming out in overalls, just opening up the top half. Yeah.

That's it. I think it's because it was such a, you know, hence the name Portland, such a port town of like sailors coming through. And that's just how it was. And the city's kind of embraced it. Did the sailors write the laws of the town? Yeah, we let them. Come on, those adorable hats.

Yeah. Of course. A little sash. Yeah. A tattoo parlor on every corner. Jaunty walk. Yeah. The laissez-faire attitude towards homosexuality.

They're great guys. Yeah. They're great guys. It's true. It's a real salt in the sea. They wrote a bunch of songs about barges. Everything I know about the Navy, I know from the Tom of Finland illustrations. That's it.

I think they're all square jawed, bulbously muscular men. Yeah. Just all sitting around a barrel writing the town's constitution. With their mustaches and leather hats. Thick yet smooth mustaches. Do you know Tom of Finland? Not personally. Do you know the

illustration style? Yeah. It's like gay icons. Super muscular. Were they comics? What were they? They were like asterisks. I don't know.

I just know the name Tom of Finland Were they comics or were they, what were they? They were like asterisks. I don't know. Yeah, for kids. I don't know. I just know that the name Tom of Finland and the illustrations are so iconic. But Finland has embraced them and they're on stamps now. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. They're good drawings.

Oh, yeah. They're really good. I wish I looked like a Tom of Finland guy. Yeah. I mean, I'm hanging out in all the right areas. I just, something's not working. Yeah, I have them all over my, I got this closet that I just go in and I've got it plastered with Tom of Finland photos. Yeah, sure.

A little light that I pull down. I don't know why I discovered Tom of Finland. Like, somebody used it as a reference and I looked it up, but I still don't know what its thing was. Where it came from? It's pretty old, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From like the 50s or 60s, right?

Now, I might be confused, but is it like that deodorant that doesn't work? No. Yeah, you are confused. Okay. Which one is that? Is that... Tom's of Maine. Okay, right.

Tom's of Maine. I don't understand the clam chowder scent. That is the weirdest underarm deodorant. Tom's of Maine. Lobster. Yeah. It's not a good... When you get that scent going and you're sweating, you get a lot of red-faced fat men standing

near you. Yeah. All of a sudden, people are breaking out little dishes of butter. Butter. Hey, is there a lobster restaurant around here? Batman standing near you. Yeah. All of a sudden, people are breaking out little dishes of butter. Ugh, hey. Boy, is there a lobster restaurant around here? It's called me crazy, but does it smell like lobster in here?

Would you mind if I broke off some croutons into your armpits? Is that a thing? I get that a lot. Yeah. You may think you're offending me, but people say that to me all the time. No, it's fine.

I get that a lot. They absorb it. Um, and like, do you go, do you go every year to the festival and see it all and, and help run it? I missed one year because I was in Australia.

But, uh, other than that, I've been there every year. That's awesome. Yeah. It's just, it's just fun.

When does it happen? Uh, it is the weekend of May 7th, uh, in, in Portland, Oregon, of course.

Uh, you can go to, uh, Bridgetown comedy.com to get, uhth in Portland, Oregon, of course. You can go to BridgetownComedy.com to get passes. And, yeah, it's going to be a great one this year for sure. What is something important? Because Portland is one of these cities where you go to it and people are like, oh, you've got to check out this thing or that place. What's your favorite thing to kind of like recommend to out-of-towners? Well, let's see. In terms of,

you know, one thing I say is like drive a half an hour outside the city and go to Multnomah Falls, which it's been used on a ton of commercials. You'd recognize it,

but there's this big stone bridge going in front of this waterfall. It looks like something out of Lord of the Rings. Oh, cool. Like seriously. And it's just incredibly majestic and it's not far away.

In terms of stuff in the city, I like to hang out in southeast Portland. I think the restaurants and the bars there are kind of amazing. Is there, like, a place that you're like, only the locals know about? No. Now in the days of the internet, it's all gone. It's all gone. There's no, I'm sure there's every as i say that i'm sure some locals like oh you don't even know man there's always stuff in the sewers there's

always something i go back to and like oh you don't know about blah blah blah blah blah but right um yeah there's there's there's so much great stuff there that's just it's kind of it it's kind of driven by uh enjoyment but also kind of whimsy and fun. Yeah, it seems like the town, does the town have an edict about whimsy? Like that it's- You can't have enough. No, it's just-

The mayor wears a funny hat. When the sailors were writing these laws. Yeah, that's right. They wrote in on it. And it is one of those cities though that it's always kind of arguing amongst itself about what the soul of it really is or has been or should be, which in a sense keeps it kind of vital and interesting. At the end of the day, you just go. It's just a great place to visit and hang out.

It's extremely livable. It's extremely permissive in the right sense, I think. This city's not livable. People are dropping dead. Yeah. So they just, yeah. You walk down the street, there's corpses everywhere.

Yeah, we're surprised you made it. Well, people are constantly sword fighting in Vancouver. I'm sorry to say that. I know the sword lobby is going to come after me now. I love going for self-defense.

I'm sorry, man. The amount of beer that's consumed in this city and people carrying broadswords and longswords, no. Agreed. You know what I mean?

You're preaching to the choir. I saw saw bartender's head split right in half yeah he poured a bad head of guinness and i'm like stop the madness yeah now who's got a bad head exactly that's why i'm saying as an american exact thank you as an american introduce guns it's time to turn to yeah absolutely it's interesting what is the what interesting. What are these so-called guns? It's a weapon that prohibits violence by causing violence. We call them hand cannons. What don't you get? All right.

What part of guns don't you understand? Well, the problem here is since guns were outlawed, only outlaws have guns. Yeah, see? Exactly. And you can go down the street. There's a lot of dead bodies, but you cannot even get a gun out of their cold, dead hand. No. Yeah.

You know, it's weird. Yeah. Like they said it. They meant it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

Absolutely. I will say this, that like all jokes aside, I think all these people that are like, oh, yeah, if the guy had a gun, if someone had a gun, this shooting would not have happened. Like, someone could have stopped it. We would have had this magical Doc Holliday dude. It's like, I think everyone should go to a gun range at least

once and see how hard it is to hit anything with a handgun. It is impossible. Like, even when I was watching Django Unchained and he's shooting from the hip and just nailing people in specific body parts, I'm like, that's impossible. Yeah. Like even when I was watching Django Unchained and he's shooting from the hip and just nailing people in specific body parts. I'm like, that's impossible. Yeah.

Maybe five people on the earth that can do that, you know, that have that kind of hand eye coordination because your hand moves. Yeah. No matter what you tell it, it's going to move. Like that's why having a rifle against your shoulder is the only way to be specifically accurate. Have you shot a gun? Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Me too. Many times. It specifically accurate. Have you shot a gun? Yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, me too. Many times. It's jarring. It's jarring. Yeah, even when the guy, like an instructor, goes, okay, here, I'm going to move your arm to where it is to hit the target, you still manage to go way over.

Keep your thumb down because that thing goes back. Oh, yeah, I got it. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Yeah, the shell comes out and lands on your arm. You're like, I got it. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Yeah, the shell comes out and burns, like lands on your arms. You're like, ooh, hot. Yeah, they're terrifying instruments. Yeah, but it's,

yeah, that people, I don't know, that they assume that you could just pick one up and aim it and. I think. Everyone just thinks they're a badass and they think anyone that just buys a gun immediately becomes a badass. No, it's just an instrument of harm. of harm yeah you know necessary in some instances but at the same time you know i mean one of the most accurate uh examples of what can happen is that scene in boogie nights i think where that guy comes in to rob the donut shop and that oh yeah that fat hero

sitting in the booth just starts pulling his gun out and Don Cheadle's character is like, no, don't, don't, don't. And of course, everyone gets shot. Yeah, of course. This guy's like, I'll stop it. Misses. Yeah. Gets shot in the head. Yeah, like the, I don't know, like we don't, it's not like a big part of the culture here but there are a lot a

lot of hunters and stuff they know how to do well to me that's what i i think why you should have guns for i mean i understand you know home defense but more than it's like for hunting yeah if you eat meat sure you should kill it yeah or if you want to shoot some bottles off of a thing yeah that's fun too if you're bored If you live somewhere where it's boring. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Oh man,

that's the American South right there. You know, the sticks outside of Oregon. Absolutely. Yeah. So like that's, if you live in New York City, there's no reason you should have a gun.

Yeah. Or an ATV. Or a Jeep. Yeah, exactly. Gas guzzling SUV. No reason. Unless you have nine kids.

If you have nine kids, sure. You got to put them somewhere. That's true. But, you know, you see in Asian countries, there's a mom and a dad and nine kids on one motorcycle. Or a scooter. Yeah. It's an amazing talent. They're, I mean, they're just so far ahead of us.

I just can't say enough. We need a seat for each of us. They're balancing all sorts of stuff. Oh, Lord. And Dave, what's going on with you? Before we move on to me, let's take a minute or two to talk about the Max Fun Drive. Is it already happening? Yeah, it's week two.

Oh, my goodness. we did it last week snakes right up on you i know every year oh boy it's uh it's it's my march madness yeah yeah yeah i've already done all my do you have in your max fun pool this year my brother my brother and me oh in your risk in your max fun bracket uh um i've got jaw bones i got sawbones the whole cast of sawbones oh you're killing it yeah you know who i got huh jordan yeah i'm trying to think of that one that was like pranks from the 60s that they don't do anymore oil and char yeah yeah yeah why not that was that was a fun show i know your donations aren't gonna support support them. They're going to support us. Yeah. And speaking of donations, why don't you donate right now? Why don't you go over to your computer?

But wait, you're getting ahead of myself. Okay, go ahead. What are these donations? Well, they're what floats the boat. The whole network is a listener-supported network, and we want to keep it that way. Yeah, we put out these shows every week of the year. Yeah. We put out.

Oh boy. Yeah. We're a sure thing. Yeah. Um, and, uh, uh,

consider how many of these shows you've listened to, how many you've enjoyed, uh, what kind of a part of your life it is. And, uh, uh, consider donating to the Maximum Fun Network. Or if you're already a donor, consider upgrading your donation. Now, you can donate at a wide range of levels from $5 a month all the way up to $200 a month. And the reason to do it now is because right now is when you can get special gifts

for donating. And we also have challenge donors for new donors. They'll match new donors donations. So this is the best time. If you got it together, if you can do it, head over and go to... It's really easy. It helps our show. It makes you feel good. Yeah. It's, yeah, it's simple. You head over to MaximumFun.org. You click on donate. You select how much you want to donate every month.

And you give them a little bit of information, you know. Yeah. Apple Pay. Yeah. Yeah. Also, you know. Likes, dislikes. You type in Apple Pay, question mark. and then you fill in your credit card information.

And then, you know, it's done. And we thank all the people out there that have already been regular donors. And, you know, we welcome anybody who's thinking about maybe becoming a donor. Yeah. You know, this is a cool thing because it's listener supported. It's one of these things that its existence depends on you, the listener. Yeah.

We're not corporate shills. We're not going to be. I mean, we'd like to be. Oh, boy. Like, if you're Crest and you want us to do a 90-minute ad for White Strips, deal. Yeah. Mm, lifesavers.

But that's not happening. Okay. So, yeah, do it now while it's on your mind. Maximumfund.org and click on donate. And Dave, what's going on with you? Well, my friend, not much. I'm realizing now that I'm, I think I've talked about this before. In the dog show that they have every year.

The Westminster? Yeah. The guy gives little announcements about each dog. Yeah. And the one thing they say about wiener dogs is that they have a strong sense of fair play. Oh, yeah. What? How can you define that in a dog?

And I think I'm realizing that I have that. Do you have a sense of fair play? Yeah. Like, how does this exhibit itself? Because I get really stressed out at coffee shops when people don't know how to follow the line. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like where to order, where to pick up?

Yeah. Like when someone orders and then immediately goes to the front of the pickup line, as though they don't see the other people around. I just like, I'm not even worried someone's going to take my drink. I'm just like, so this is going to go bad. Something's going to happen. Yeah. Anytime someone's trying to be slick, it drives me bananas. Yeah.

Like I was on a plane and they're like, all right, everyone has to get off. And you, you have to go to a desk and book it. And there's a line and this guy runs to the front because he has to get it. And I'm like, Hey man, there's a line. He's like, Oh,

I'm just, I'm just going to talk to the guy. We're all just going to talk to the guy. I'm going to stomp the crap out of you. Why do you think we're all trying to be slick? Like get, we all see what you're doing. I'm the most important one.

I'm the guy. No, but I just don't want to. I don't want to. That's what it comes down to. I got here late. But I don't want to. Yeah. I don't want to. I don't like what you guys are doing.

Yeah. And then this morning I went to a coffee shop and there were two guys going in in front of me and I was like, I always, I'm keeping track of who's in line like a block away. Like I know like, oh, that guy's going to the coffee shop. I better, I better pick up my pace

so I can beat him there. Oh yeah. I've done, have you, have you done that where you've beat somebody to the door? It's so strange.

Yeah, I've done it though. Yeah. Oh yeah. Where I'm like, oh, I know this person's going for the same.

They're going to be in line ahead of me. Or like, they're walking and I'm driving. I just parked the car and like, don't even lock it yeah but these two guys got into the coffee shop ahead of me and they weren't they didn't figure out where the line was and they were just standing sort

of in the middle of nowhere oh brother and then i got in where i know the line is but i left room for them to get in front of me yeah and. And then a woman got in line behind me and I was like, uh-oh, this is going to get complicated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. And then these guys figured out what was wrong and they were going to go behind me and I was like, no, please, go ahead.

You were here first. And the woman behind me got mad. She was like, are you even in line to me? Oh. You're like, I'm a wiener dog. Yeah, I'm the guy enforcing all this. And then this woman behind me, as soon as she had ordered her coffee, got to the front of the pickup line. Like they're going to give her her order first.

Right. Yeah. And it's. Life is stressful. Life is stressful. And it's the person that stands in front of everyone when everyone behind them is way ahead of them. And it's just like, just taking up space, just like impatient.

I hate the person in line when it's taking a long time that's like, Ugh. Ugh. Stop making noises. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just increasing everyone's stress for yourself because misery loves company. Yeah. Even worse, turn to you.

Believe this crap? No, I don't. Yeah. It's tough. Please shut up. Keep it inside your mind and heart. That's what I'm doing to not bother everyone around me. Yeah.

Or the people with scenarios, I bet it's because they're lazy. They won't be like, I'm not joining your hate crew. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not. Those people are stressed out. They're very busy. You know, if the barista's back there smoking with a beret on, ignoring everyone, like then I'll be like, hey, man.

Hey, man, be cool. Come on. He's wearing a beret. He's only miming making your drink. Why? Why? Come on. Yeah. I'm not going to join your drink. What? Come on. Yeah.

I'm not going to join your revolution. Right. Have you ever, this is one that I don't know where the fault lies, where you're in line at a grocery store and then somebody is ahead of you, but they have to go grab one item. Oh, yeah. And then the clock is ticking. Yeah. So they've left their stuff in front of you, but they're,

they didn't, they only communicated it to you and not the cashier. And then the cashier thinks it's your stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then all of a sudden you're like, now you're technically holding up the line because even though it's their stuff,

you're like, I don't, I don't even know what she went to go get. It could be anything. I feel like that, you know, most people kind of understand the politics and they're like, Oh so sorry and i'll be like yeah run get get your can of beans whatever you're getting it's no problem let's just establish this is mine that's yours

yeah everyone cool everyone knows they have to wait a little bit no big deal but the thing that gets me is the person that like is just they have to have everything taken care of just right like no but i have this coupon. Oh, that coupon. Well, what about this one? Well, no, that one's expired. But I don't want to follow your rules. But if I just stay here and I wait and I make everyone wait, will you give in? They might as well say that because that's what they're trying to do.

Yeah, what if I create an atmosphere of discomfort? Yeah, will that? Will I get what I want? fear of discomfort. Will I get what I want? It's the thing of I laughed out loud at an antique store yesterday where this woman...

That's a great sentence, by the way. And this woman had a sign by the front that said, the customer is always right. Dot, dot, dot. But who cares? I just laughed my ass off. It's that thing of the customer's always right And this clerk

This poor clerk Has to deal with that But I don't I will tell you You're being a piece of crap It's like You're wrong Shut up

Don't expect me to join your team These aren't our groceries Yeah exactly We're not Can you believe it Like we're It's an us versus them Back in the carnival days

When they would sell Back in your carnival days when they would sell, back in your carnival days? My carny days. I'm a vampire. I've been around for hundreds of years. So this, this,

this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this,

this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this,

this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this,

this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this,

this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this,

this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this,

this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this,

this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this,

this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this,

this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this that were paid by the stores. And you're just like, but you didn't keep in my credit. Come on! We're all in line! Come on! No, I can't. Oh, right. Just to beat down people's wills

and just shave, shave, shave. That's how they'd get extra money. Because people would be like, uh, yeah. It's fine. Keep the quarter. Wow. Yeah. Wow, that's a pretty good long cut. Yeah, we gotta get some of those guys. Yeah, we gotta get some lineup guys. Yeah. I, that's a pretty good long con. Yeah. That's a pretty good long con. We got to get some of those guys. Yeah, we got to get some lineup guys.

Yeah. I would like to, like, that's the one scenario where I could really see myself having a kid is training him to say things like that. Like, so it's cute when he says it. Oh, yeah. You know, come on, lady. Everybody goes, ha, ha, ha, ha. But seriously, though. Yeah, the kid's right.

Out of the mouths of babes, huh? Move it the hell along. Yeah. They say the darndest things. Anyways. I can feel myself getting old. Oh, my little scamp of a son just said, you're a piece of crap, lady. Move it along.

Move it along. Your coupons are null and void and you know it yeah so yeah oh man yeah maybe so maybe you do do you have the same sense of fair play that oh absolutely i i i i i hate um i don't want to cut ahead i i don't want i don't want that weighing on me yeah i have to you know uh uh pick up litter if i see it throw it away you know nice yeah no it's just it's just i think it's just catholic guilt uh okay so this is this goes way back and it's it's like if if to the vatican to the vatican follow the money the home of all truth um no absolutely oh one thing i have to say that the the uh the dog show thing just side note one of

the funniest things i've ever seen was on um uh vice uh online sent a guy tripping on acid for the first time to cover the westminster uh dog show and there's this one part where he's just interviewing this woman and all the time he's staring off into space and he just he's just very inward it's not like he doesn't freak out right and it's at one point he's staring off into space. And he just, he's just very inward. It's not like he doesn't freak out. And it's at one point he's just sitting in the stands and he like afterward, he's narrating. But I just saw all these colors, blah, blah, blah. But at one point he's just interviewing this woman. He's like, how many breeds of dogs are there?

And she just goes through a list of breeds, you know, like 25. And he just takes a beat and goes, oh, my God. It just killed me. Just taking in how many kinds of dogs there are. It is pretty mind-blowing. Oh, crazy. It's crazy. Right?

I love watching those because I always just go, what is that one? What's that dog? Yeah. Someone has that dog? Yeah. There are dogs that I've never seen in real life. No, absolutely not. Yeah. Like the dread that I've never seen in real life. No, absolutely not. Yeah.

Like the dreadlock looking dog. The Pooley. Is that what it's called? The Pooley? Never seen one of those in real life. The rich lady dog with straight hair like Joan Baez. It looks like it's floating when it's walking. You never see its feet. Like a ghost dog.

Yeah. Like one of those really fancy hamsters. Yes. The long hair. The guinea pigs. Guinea pigs. Guinea pigs. Guinea pigs with fancy hairdos. Pretty hilarious.

That's beautiful. Oh, that dog has the Rachel. I would love to go to Vice Magazine just for like a pitch meeting and just seeing like, what's coming up? Oh, the dog show. Okay, let's see. Should we send people to fuck there? Yeah.

Well, it's interesting like it was always this magazine that had this kind of youthful made-up chip on its shoulder like i i enjoyed it at the same time i was like oh like whoever's writing this article is like oh my god you're so cool yeah but you know now it's evolved into this into this media empire that's kind of fascinating because it doesn't necessarily answer to anyone like the HBO series. It just covers stuff that's like incredibly ballsy pieces that depress the crap out of you. There's one about how Texas is just literally drying up and everyone there will not accept the fact that climate change is real.

Right. And you're just, it breaks your heart to watch all these people that are, they have no water and they're just praying in church, like screaming to the sky. And it's like, God, you're polishing the brass in the Titanic. Like, this is not. You've got to patch the boat, man. It's funny.

There was this story. But climate change is debatable, right? Yeah. Not all the evidence is in. Let's just wait until all the evidence is in. And we were joking earlier about guns. Everyone, come on. Grab a gun.

Grab a gun. Grab two. One for each hand. They tell me I have gangrene in three of my limbs. I'm going to wait it out. Yeah. I think it's best to wait it out. Still got one good limb.

I'm just saying. Yeah. When I get gangrene in that limb and my head. Yeah. When I get the dreaded head gangrene. That's the worst doctor conversation. You have gangrene in your head. We have to remove it so you can live.

Wait, what? But we can keep it alive as long as we connect to this car battery. This doctor's like, do they, can they? Let me check on the phone. Can you do a head implant? Hello? I think we got disconnected. Now, is this a dumb question can green come from like

your limbs turning green uh i didn't uh well i mean i think that's where it okay maybe god's name i i thought as well yeah like at least when i heard it spelled differently spelled differently yeah but your limbs join a gang it's when when... You get really into Graham Greene novels. That's all it means. It's when you get a Rachel Greene haircut. Ooh, twice in one episode. Hey, you know what? I'll make it three if I can. And the other thing that is going on with me...

Not just... Not just a sense of fair play. Okay. But I have discovered my new favorite TV show, and it's Graham's favorite TV show now too, I assume. Oh, Pornography? Pornography. Oh, man. show and it's graham's favorite tv show now too i assume oh uh pornography pornography this is a tv show based on the tv show pawn stars okay okay right of course uh the blockbuster show about guys who run a pawn shop in las vegas right not to be confused with hardcore pawn

which is just another porno pawn pun yeah porn. Porn pawn pun, which I believe is a city in Thailand. Have you, by the way, have you seen Kitty Pawn? It's a show where people... It's a pawn shop run by young children. Oh, that's cool. Run by cats. The same. You got to see it.

This baby keeps trying to pawn his pacifier. And then when they buy it, he wants it back. He just starts crying. And they're like, damn it. It's brilliant because he gets money. And then they always give it back to him. So he won't stop crying. And he won't leave.

So the pawn shop in this scenario is buying things from babies? Or it's run by babies? It's babies selling and buying from babies. Oh, it's all babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the new economy The baby they got Even looks like the guy

In Pawn Stars They put a little shirt on him Yeah he's bald Yeah Oh yeah Perfect Yeah Oh wow

Yeah Pawnography We watched last week Yeah it's a trivia show A game show Hosted by comedian Christopher Titus Okay

From Titus Sure Of Titus fame uh and he uh asked questions to two contestants and they're trying to outsmart the two dumb guys from from pawn stars yes and then the third then the smartest guy from pawn stars is sitting off on the side and he's the dad yeah yeah he's kind of filling everyone in. Yeah, you know, they ask a question about whatever, a president. Well, because back then, the stamps were different. Yeah.

The bombing of Pearl Harbor was very unpopular in its day. Yeah. Something like that. He's a genius. In its day. Now we celebrate it. Like, he's such an, he's so off. What?

No. Yeah, he's just throwing in. It's still a horrific day we don't celebrate that well maybe you don't but we close the pawn shop but my thing is i hate hawaii it's only just him he throws a backyard barbecue every year and then the thing uh that they're competing for is an item from the pawn shop which they have just assigned a value to. Okay. It's like, you can win this $7,000, you know, Viewmaster or just something that has no value.

A set of knuckle dusters was one of the things. Yeah. But it's like... Which is like, well, I'm pretty much going to take these right back to your pawn shop. Where you will give me one-tenth of what you said they were worth. Yeah. Have you been to a pawn shop ever? Yep. They don't have good things.

They have power tools and Epiphone guitars. I bet. Well, the thing is, there's a reason they said it in Las Vegas, and it's a sad reason. It's a lot of gambling addicts live in Las Vegas, and they pawn their stuff because they gamble away their money, their family's money, all this stuff. So it's a booming place for pawn shops. Yeah. That's what they don't talk about, why it's in Las Vegas. It's like, well, I've had this valued at $4,000, but I'll take $50,000.

Yeah. I got a hot lead on the Packers game and you know I'm sure pawn shops are also massive in New Orleans. Any place where your functional alcoholic

lives or anything. Or someone who's addicted to jazz. Oh God I got to see the Preservation Jazz Band again.

Need another squeeze box. Yeah. That's, that's someone's, someone's annoyingly pretentious dad in New Orleans. Yeah. White dad.

My thing is, I've moved here because I'm addicted to jazz, dad. We know. To jazz. We know. Dixieland.

I don't want to dig that crazy riff with you. No, sit down and dig it with your dad. Come on, dig it with your dad. You sold our washing machine to buy our washboard. got into heroin. Ugh, sit down and dig it with your dad. Come on, dig it with your dad. You sold our washing machine to

buy our washboard. got into heroin. Oh, dad. Yeah, oh, dad. Can't you get into heroin? So yeah, big week. Yeah, huge week.

Yeah. Keeping people in line and watching pornography. There you go. Graham, what's going on with you? I, this week, for the first time in a very long time, I went drinking at a Legion. Have you ever done that?

Drinking at a Legion? I've drank at, there's an Eagle's Lodge in Portland that we actually use for a Bridgetown stage. And they're the greatest. They're so great. Yeah. A couple of friends of mine went through a phase where they almost joined a Moose Lodge. Oh, really?

Because a friend of a friend was like, anytime I go to a new town, I just find the Moose Lodge, I show my membership card, and I have new friends. Oh, wow. You know, it's like just a way to have a little camaraderie, a place to get cheap beers and shoot pool. And the thing is, my friend Matt Dwyer was going to think about joining, but they had two requirements. One, you have to swear you're not a communist.

And two, you have to believe in a higher power. And Dwyer failed on both. Oh, wow. It's like, sorry. He's like, the higher power I believe in is communism. Oh, damn it. Religion is poison. Sorry, guys.

I'm a member of the Illuminati. Oh, wow. So I have like... There's a few clubs for us. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, they're pretty fancy clubs, right? Are you a lizard person? This, the Legion, the way it works is...

Is this Legion of Doom? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the wrestlers's Oh, yeah. I'm going back to like DC Comics. Oh, wow. Super Friends. This is all

It's a big green temple in a swamp. Swamp gas is coming up. You have to have you have to prove you have two evil plans for the domination of Earth. You know who is

a master card sharp is Solomon Grundy. Yeah. But he only says the one thing over and over again. He plays dumb, but he will take you. Yeah, the Legion of Doom, they don't have pool tables. They don't have a claw machine. They just have a laser that you point at the globe.

Yeah, yeah. And a hookup to the UN so that you can... There's a lot of talk about planning world domination, but then everyone gets drunk, and then we forget about it the next day you're hungover well next week next week

next week we'll kill that less darts more world domination I know we planned it but I cannot kill Batman today I just want some brunch

and a Caesar oh if I could just get some eggs and then you're like that's all I want egghead that's all you ever talk about

anyway so you went to the Legion yeah which was great That's all I want. Egghead, that's all you ever talk about. Anyway. So you went to the Legion. Yeah, which was great. I haven't been since years and years ago. No, the Legion is, it's like the Royal Canadian Foreign Legion. Yeah, it's where the French hang out. But it's like a military. Yeah, it's based,, it's like a military. Yeah. It's, it's based like it's where vets.

Yeah. Traditionally vets hang out, but I think most of the vets that would have been around when legions have opened have passed away. Right. So now it's open to the public, which it didn't used to be used to have to know somebody to go in and drink at a legion.

Yes. And the only rule is no hats. Yeah. No hats. And you can buy a membership for like 30 bucks and that's good at every Legion everywhere. But if you just go in, they'll

say, yeah, just come on and drink. You don't need to sign up for a membership right away. And when you say vets, you mean like people delivering cows? Yeah. People that have been doing that a long time. Yeah. They're really good. Oh, they're veteran veterinarians. Yeah. Sorry. Veterinarians. Well, not only that, people that have been doing that a long time.

Yeah. They're really good at it. Oh, they're veteran veterinarians. That's right. Yeah. And they've been vetted. Veterinarians. Anyways,

it was just great because there weren't, there's not that many people there. There's pool tables. There's, what is the thing? It's not shuffleboard, but it's,

well, I guess. Air hockey? No, it's like shuffleboard, but it's not shuffleboard but it's well i guess air hockey it's no it's like shuffleboard but it's like air hockey like a tabletop shuffleboard oh tabletop shuffleboard darts cts sure cheap beer yeah and uh and a bartender that is like an older lady that calls you hun oh stuff like that calls you sweetie that's great and uh makes you you're like ah this ah this is where I belong. This is where I should be drinking all the time.

She's like, if I was 30 years younger and didn't have the gangrene. If I didn't have head gangrene. Yeah. Your head is green. I mean,

do you think maybe she just put her head in chlorine and that's her hair just turned green? Is that what's going on? That's how she gets tips. Yeah, that's the, it's's how she gets tips. Yeah.

It's the big lie. Everyone just accepts. It's a sympathy thing. I'm just glad Margie isn't really dying. I'm just glad. She can dye her hair green. It's just good for tips. I got head gangrene, guys.

Aw, poor Margie. Pass around a jar. Here's $5. And then she gives you 10 beers. Yeah. It's so cheap. And change. gives you 10 beers Yeah It's so cheap And change There you go But anyways

I just encourage anybody That has a Legion Anywhere near them Go drink in there Yeah support your So great I want Classic rock

All night See That's great Yeah Right Yeah yeah Music that goes That pairs well

With cheap beer Yes Pairs well Yeah I want to hear You know Old time rock and roll Somebody hear, you know, old time rock and roll. Somebody, I forget who, like some old time rocker like played on Letterman and Letterman was just like, it's like, ah, that's beer drinking music. Long necks, about nine of them.

I was like, yes, that's exactly right. That's exactly right. Yeah. Last night we went to dinner at my parents' house and and then we came home, and the baby was asleep. And we were like, well, let's just sit in the car for a while. And plus, the song Jukebox Hero by Foreigner was on the radio. Oh, wow. Yeah.

And we just wanted to hear that one guitar. Yeah. So you just made out in the car in the driveway? Yeah. In the front seat while the baby was in the back. Yeah. The gear shifter. In my kidney. Getting startled by the lead singer's weirdly quivering the back. Yeah. The gear shifter. In my kidney.

Getting startled by the lead singer's weirdly quivering high notes. It sounds like he's about to blow his throat out. Yeah. So yeah, that's all with me. Have you been to a classic rock concert? Oh. We talked a couple of weeks ago about Meatloaf.

Yeah, no. Bands keep coming to the casinos and stuff around here Oh, like a trooper? Like that type of Yeah, anything from that era I would go see I wanted to get tickets to Motley Crue's last tour Because Alice Cooper was opening for them I thought that would be a pretty good one-two

I did a video with Steel Panther because Alice Cooper was opening for them. I thought that would be a pretty good one, two. I did a, I did a video with the, um, with, uh, uh, Steel Panther. Oh yeah.

They're like throwback metal guys. And they all started out in that era with those bands and stuff. And they were touring with a Motley crew and the Steel Panther basis was just like, yeah, they're just like fossils, man.

It's really sad. Like Mick Mars, they like wheel him out, you know, like cousin it, just put him on stage they wheel him out like hannibal lecter like literally like on a hand was he is he the oldest of them he's like he's just had spinal problems and everything years older than the rest probably him yeah and so it's like i don't want to see motley crew because that's all i'll think of is that right you'll just I was a huge fan of a lot of their stuff

when I was a kid but like I'm trying to think of what I'd go see Kiss yeah because you know they still look generally like

they used to look like I a part of me wanted to go see Bryan Adams on his reckless 30th anniversary tour yeah

that's not a bad idea I bet he puts on a hell of a show probably does yeah I would see Def Leppard I was like Def Leppard. I was like Def Leppard when I was a kid.

Springsteen. I'd see him. Because apparently he really goes. My favorite is a Bruce McCullough from Kids in the Hall. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. No reference. Yeah. On his album Shame Based Man, the song called Our Love.

And he just keeps saying what their love is like. And it's all just kind of bad. Yeah. And it gets worse and worse and worse but he's like our love is like a bruce springsteen concert it's really long it's not that good but wow what energy did you know i love that you can quote shame basement that's one of my favorite uh uh comedy albums i i you know just know if you saw Springsteen, if you loved him, you'd be like, oh, he's still going. I am

tired. He's like, I'm giving you the ticket price. I really want to give it to you. That's cool. That's cool. We were going to be here anyways. Dave Holmes was cracking me up talking about, he went to a Springsteen concert.

You guys know Dave Holmes, right? The host of International Waters on Maximum Fun. There you go. And he, you know, he's in his 40s like me and he's a little bit older than me, but he was just saying like the amount of dad types that were in the medical tent because they decided to try marijuana again after 20 years because it's so strong. But they're all thinking they're about to have heart attacks. They're all like,

this is not normal. Just put their fingers in their neck like, my heart rate, this is not, please, I need help. Please,

just panic. Do you have orange slices? Nothing's wrong with you, sir. Nothing. My mouth, my mouth. Please, please.

My heart is beating frantically. I can't. I'm very uncomfortable. Call my wife, but don't tell her anything. Someone put cocaine in this. I know they did I'm very uncomfortable. Call my wife, but don't tell her. Someone put cocaine in this. I know they did. No, sir.

It is just sativa. It's just an upper. A very energetic high is all it is. Oh, man. You might want to go out there and just dance your ass off to Rosalita or something. No, no, no. No, no. No, I don't feel right.

My heart would explode on my chest. I'm having a heart attack. Oh, is he playing Atlantic City? I'll be right back. Do we want to move on to Overheard? Yes, but first, another word about the Max Fun Drive. So, let's talk about Max Fun Drive. You sound like when my dad was giving me the talk.

So, Dave. Yeah? It's that time of year. Wait. When, listen. When the shows that you listen to ask you to support them. Okay. So now all you need to do.

I've got a question. Go ahead. I noticed that I have feelings and furs. Okay. Now here's the thing. Let me get through these uh pledge gifts okay and then i'll tell you what about those that fur and the smell oh good lord uh now this is uh max fun drive time yeah right this is where you can donate and in exchange not in exchange i mean you get the

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I don't think we were on the network yet. Yeah. So not those. But we're just figuring this out. Yeah. We don't quite remember how far back our bonus episodes go. I think 2011. Okay.

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It's got, I'm guessing, two handles. Yeah, and it's probably made of like a canvas or a cotton. Or, yeah, something woven or knit. We haven't actually mentioned what our bonus episode is this year. We do some hilarious quizzes. Yeah, we quizzed each other. And then also we were joined by some drunk dials. Yeah, we played some drunk dials.

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You'll get your bonus episodes right away. Thanks, everybody who donates already and who's thinking about donating. And you want to move back to the show? Yeah. Overheard. Overheard is a segment in which we overhear things out there in the world and then we report them back here. Now, usually we start with the guest, but today we're going to start with Dave.

Yeah. Let's do it. You can do it. Mine comes from television which is unusual but it was just something that stuck out that i did not uh uh this like it seemed normal the way that everyone was talking about this thing on television seemed normal but it was not uh it was a woman it was a news story about a local woman from the Vancouver area who makes natural soaps. And she had her big break when her soaps were chosen to be in the Oscar swag bags that they give to all the people who present at the Oscars.

Yeah. And it was the biggest thing ever to ever happen to her. And they were showing all this footage of Eric Estrada from Chips. Like with her soaps. This year's Oscars host, Eric Estrada. And it was like, well, I was watching and I was like, that was weird. But, you know, maybe it's footage from another time when Eric Estrada got some soap. Sure.

But they kept showing him smiling with it and pretending to eat it and whatever. And then at the end of the story, the reporter actually said, so her soaps are now, they've been given to celebrities like Eric Estrada and Jeremy Miller. And I was like, who the hell's Jeremy Miller? And I looked it up and he was the youngest son from Growing Pains. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I thought it was going to be that he was the other guy on Chips.

The guy that played John? Yeah, wow. I thought it was going to be that he was the other guy on Chips. The guy that played John. Yeah, exactly. So, I don't think this woman, I think she got duped. Yeah. Yeah. To giving Eric Estrada some free soap. Yeah, he said he was from the Oscars and she was like, I guess. Yeah, you're pretty famous.

My overheard uh comes courtesy of being on public transit pt and uh would you call yourself a pt cruiser yeah i guess i would um and you know sometimes uh if in any public place where you're like listening to music or whatever and you can hear somebody talking louder than the music that's in your head. Yes. And you're like, well, better take out the earbuds and see what this guy's going on about. And this guy, older guy, by himself on the bus, but was telling, he was imploring everybody

on the bus to check out tonight. imploring everybody on the bus to check out tonight. They say in Vancouver you'll be able to see the Northern Lights because they're really south tonight. So it's an exciting night. We're going to be able to see the Northern Lights. And he just kept going on to nobody in particular, just spreading the word about the Northern Lights. And then I looked down at the T-shirt he was wearing,

and his T-shirt had a picture of Northern Lights. And it just said Northern Lights on it. So he was like a... Obsessive. Yeah, yeah. Like he's touring around with the Northern Lights. Anyways, yeah, that guy, like he went from annoying

to kind of what is this guy to being my favorite guy on the bus. Not to be confused with the Canadian version of We Are The World. Oh yeah, the Northern Lights. The Northern Lights. Singing Tears Are Not Enough. favorite guy yeah so not to be confused with the canadian version of uh we are the world oh yeah the northern northern lights oh yeah tears are not enough it turns out tears were enough yeah yeah enough already yeah tears are enough already yeah knock it off um and i was always mistaken i thought that dan akroyd sang with the northern Lights, but he sang We Are the World. Oh, really? Yeah, with USA for Africa.

Well, I mean, the man has a famous bluesy bass voice. Yep. In his mind alone. Alone. Anytime the fucking Sacred Hearts band or whatever plays at House of Blues. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Stop it. Stop. Never sing again boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Stop it. Yeah. Stop. Never sing again. Pull out my old harmonica. Cut it out. He was on the SNL 40. Yeah.

They had like a red carpet. Yeah, and he was wearing a crystal head vodka toque. He was wearing a crystal head vodka toque, and he was plugging him and Jim Belushi's touring around the country as the Blues Brothers. Two friends of mine just played one of Jim Belushi's comedy clubs. He has a comedy club? He has a comedy club.

He has an improv troupe that he heads up. Oh, really? Wow. I don't want to say too much because I want someone to write an article. I want someone to... Okay, vice. You went to Jim Belushi's comedy club. It's just... I don't want to say too much because I want someone to write an article. I want someone to, you know,

to Jim Belushi's comedy club. It's just, it's like a bunch of masculine. I think all, it's like, if you read, uh, from David Cross's book,

I drink for a reason. Like the, why he hates, uh, Jim Belushi, the, the article you read it, you're just like,

Oh yeah, what a pile of garbage. And then it's just, yeah. I mean, I've always hated that he replaced the, the true other Blues brother, John Goodman. Yeah, John Goodman from Blues Brothers, too, though. Yes.

Do you have an overheard? I have one from last night. I was going to the club for the late show, and there were already people who had been removed. While you were getting there? Before I got there. The feature was about to go on stage. So this is the opener and the guy doing a guest set. I think the guy doing a guest set was just about to finish.

So there had been maybe 15 minutes of comedy. These people had already been removed. Wow. And it was two men, two women. The men, I believe, had already gone upstairs and gone outside to smoke. Right. For the listener, I'm in the comedy mix this weekend, which is a walk down. It's a comedy club that's inside the ground.

Oh, yeah. These two women are talking to the manager, general manager, who's a very nice guy named Mike. And he's saying, listen, I apologize. And I am sorry, but you didn't know the policy. And as I'm passing, you know, they're just like, and I'm, listen to me. No. And I'm going by them. And they're both definitely old enough to know better.

They're both in their forties. I passed them. And as I passed them, i hear her say and i'm headed towards the bathroom they don't know who i am right i hear her say to him now i have never been in any venue uh or comedy club where you're not allowed to talk and i'm like and i woke up in the corner going fuck you out of fuck you. Out of earshot. Out of earshot. It's like, you're so full of crap, lady.

Then you've never been to a comedy club. Never in your life. Like the hubris. I'm funny. To just be like, we're having a conversation and enjoying him. We're going to listen to him or her that's on stage at our leisure. And we're going to annoy everyone around us because

we want to talk. What do you mean I can't do anything I want? And the thing is, that hubris of people don't think about what that bullheaded assholery that is, you know, it's like, yeah, when I'm at the movie theater, I don't get to do

anything I want. I don't get to necessarily talk. I don't get to take my dick out when salma hayek is say on screen and depends on the movie and and masturbate myself to climax because i'm attracted to someone that what do you mean but i'm turned on yeah i have never not been around to do that. I paid money to come in here. It's industry standard. To me, just a touch worse than someone that thinks they can talk the whole time in a comic club while everyone else is listening. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't mind if people jacked off during a comedy show.

At least it's quiet. Oh, a comedy show. That'd be interesting. Yeah. Be different. I mean. It's just this assholery of just like, I've never been in it. You're making up lies.

Yeah. You're making up drunken lies. I am a comedy club, uh, reviewer. Yeah, exactly. Yes.

I review them for trip advisor. Fox news, just making up so much BS. I just, I couldn't believe that she's just throwing that in his face. Like no comedy club allows you to talk. And I like, you're going to get shushed. face. Like, no comedy club allows you to talk. And you're going to get shushed.

Yeah. If not by the management or the servers, by people around you. They're like, no, you guys are being dicks. Stop it. Since always. Yes. Yes. Always. Since always.

It requires an amount of listening. That's why there are bouncers at a comedy club. Were they drunk? I think they were just buzzed. They didn't see. I mean, she was speaking clearly. Right. Were they drunk? I think they were just buzzed She was speaking clearly But it was this thing of That's the problem

With the misconception of comedy clubs People think they can go have a couple drinks And then sit down And they still want to be talking Like they were in the bar They're like I don't want to just shut up and listen Hey But you have to

But you have to. Yeah. Well, but these guys aren't the headliners, so it's just like talking through the previews in the movies, it's okay. No, it's not. You have to shut up.

I can make a joke after the joke though, right? Nope. Nope. I thought this was improv. I was going to suggest things. Now we also have overheard. A cronut.

We also have overheard sent in from people around the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. I want to see like a year-end list every year of the most shouted out things at improv shows. Oh, it's always going to be penis. Or, you know, it's like a variation there. It's just some pop culture thing of the moment. Yeah. Oh, that's true.

That's what it always is. Oh, I've read an article, so I know. Yeah. 60 Minutes expose. Yeah. On something. Khmer Rouge. Oh, yeah.

Ferguson. Oh. Just why would you yell that? There is literally nothing funny about that. That blue dress that was maybe a white dress. Hey, what's gold and silver, you bitch? And a big fight breaks out in the audience. This first one comes from Ryan G.

Parts unknown. I overheard my temporary roommate on the phone. What a bucket of wisdom she seems to be. So this is her talking on the phone. She's saying, yeah, well, I shredded my credit card. I know it was a stupid idea, but the shredder at work has a separate slot for cards. Yeah, I was dying to try it out. So now I know it works, but at the same time, I need a new card.

It would be really useful to have that card now. It's true, though. If you see a thing, a shredder, you're just, oh, so satisfying. Yeah. There's an old, I don't know if it's a joke or a store, a vignette, but it always makes me laugh. And it applies to so many things in my life where a man was walking down the street, hitting himself with a stick over and over. And I'm saying, why are you hitting yourself with a stick? And he goes, oh, it feels so good when I stop.

And it makes no sense, but it makes all the sense. So it's the same, kind of the same thing with that. Like, yeah, like I'd search for something to shred in that little aisle. I find that I always have some card in my wallet that I don't need because every winter my windshield freezes over and I don't have an ice scraper. And I'm like, I guess I have an EB Games card that I'm never going to use. So that's going to scrape.

I also like that she referred to this person as her temporary roommate. That's a weird person in my life. This isn't somebody I've made a vow to. Well, duh. This next one comes from Adam R. in

Duval, Washington. And this is in a coffee shop with a bulletin board with in Duval, Washington. And this is like, you know, in a coffee shop with a bulletin board with nanny for hire and all that kind of stuff. This is somebody's little business card and it sent a photo of it

that says, bitter, hate-filled little man for hire. I make my own hours. You pay in advance. Don't tell me what to do in quotes and then his phone number what is that what's the uh is it like a performance art piece i don't know i don't know but there's a real number there and uh yeah maybe it is maybe it's a whole wow yeah for to hire a bitter hate-filled man who will show up whenever he wants and won't take orders. We all have that person in our lives.

Yeah. And how did I find him originally? We can access, well, she's typically a relative, in my experience. We all have that man inside of us. Inside of us. Yeah. I am that man. I don't need that man.

Yeah. But it would be great if you- I can access him a la David Banner. Yeah. Can I speak with him? I if you access him a la David Banner. Yeah. Can I speak with him? I try not to a la David Banner. If you were

going to leave a job and you hated the job so much and you had to find the replacement, that would be the day. Oh, is that a thing

that ever happens? No. You're fired and you have to find your replacement. Yeah. I hired this dog. This dog's my replacement.

That would be great if that was the law, that you got to pick your replacement from any job that ended. Yeah. That, yeah, I mean. When I'm in charge. Yeah. Oh, man, things will be so different. This last one comes from David, also Parts Unknown. I don't know what's up with these people not telling me where they're from, but this is

a kid's birthday party that's happening next door. They're all between five and eight years old. One of the louder kids just saying this round and round the garden, like a lazy bear, one step, two step. I'm going to kill you. Doesn't rhyme, but, uh, I like it, but I like it, it's a good finish It's a good switcheroo It's a good flourish

Was the first part an existing song? Not that I know of But I'm not up on my kids' songs There are a ton I don't know That apparently exist That I'd learn Oh boy. Well, I know that.

Yeah. Well, you'll, you'll know it. Like you'll know it. Know it. No, no. Our kid's cool. Well, you're lucky that you have a kid that's too young to know. Yeah. To sing it over and over and over and make you play it in the car every single day.

Plus by the time she's old enough for Frozen, it'll be back in the Disney vault. Oh yeah, that's true. You're right. The impenetrable Disney vault. And Disney will have that power. They can yank it from your iTunes. Yeah. You own it.

We're just holding it for you. Can I play it? No. Not for three years. It's in the... It's in vaulted. Yeah. Disney safety deposit.

Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hey guys, this is Allie calling from Vancouver. I have an overheard for you. Last week, my boyfriend and I went to adult

night at the Vancouver Aquarium, which is a lot less sexy than it sounds, and a lot drunker. Anyway, we were in the lower part of the dolphin tank area sitting down when we saw a guy walk past us towards the exit, shortly followed by his girlfriend storming after him, telling pretty angrily at him, I don't even have one photo with a dolphin yet. Do you have any idea how much dolphins mean to me? Yeah, you got that tattoo at the small of your back of a dolphin yet. Do you have any idea how much dolphins mean to me? Yeah,

you got that tattoo at the small of your back on a dolphin? I proposed to you with that dolphin ring from Independence Day. Yeah,

what goes on at those adult nights? I think they just serve drinks. Do people try and take a starfish home? Oh, sure, yeah. Get row home? Oh, sure, yeah.

Get rowdy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dropping his empties in the orca tank or whatever? Hey. Yeah, sure. Getting an otter to open up a walnut for you? You know they don't have a security force like a bar needs to have. No.

Like a couple, four or five burly guys that just will, you know, sir, please leave. Not till I get to fight that narwhal. Sir, he's looking at me and he's judging me. And I was told I can talk here as loud as I want. And I can tap on any of the tanks at any place I go to. Big, fat, meaty palms slapping against the side of the tank.

Stop it. Yeah. Stop. stop no i've been to plenty of establishments where i'm allowed we've both performed at the local science center because they have an adult night oh cool and they'll have a comedy show in it and uh uh but like the rest of it is just like there's drinks and that's it yeah maybe play music yeah i mean to me it's just a it's a it's a good way for the aquariums to raise some money. You know, you pay admission and I'm sure it's a little more and they can sell drinks and you know, that's, that sounds kind of fun to me. Yeah.

I love your empties into a tank. He's the guy doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's not allowed, man. Can we wear one of those splash ponchos?

What for? No. not allowed man can we wear one of those splash ponchos what for no it'd be amazing if in typical uh uh insensitive boy boyfriend fashion his response he's like you have any idea how much dolphins mean to me no i don't know how would i only talk about dolphins tell me all day long how would i know that and yet whenever i want to watch the Miami Dolphins, no, it's a no-go. You just keep your arms crossed and you keep saying this isn't real.

Those aren't real dolphins. This doesn't count. How would they have real dolphins play football? Forget it. I bet they could. They figured out. At least as the kicker. Yeah, for sure. Here's your next phone call. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Jen from Philadelphia calling with an overheard. I'm actually in Chicago for work, and we were out at a deep dish pizza place,

and there was clearly, like, a first date happening at the table next to us. And the guy was just talking and talking and would not stop. And then I heard him say, yeah, so, like, I totally ran over the teacher, but not with a car. I mean, like, with words yeah oh yeah pretty good metaphorically hero totally ran her over my words yeah she couldn't handle it it was a dangerous mind situation and again i wanted to insert what the response was. I hope the girl on the date was like, like you're doing with me right now.

Constantly talking. It's an admirable quality. I like that it was the, we're in Chicago. Obviously, we're at a deep dish pizza place. She didn't say which one. Lou Manotti's? Gino's East? What's the best?

Lou. Lou Manotti's. Okay. It's the deepest. Yeah. You could, you could. Like, how deep? How deep are we talking?

Greg Louganis is their sportsman. That's why it's good. It's deep. It's like a wedding cake of cheese. So gross. I love that Greg Louganis is the guy who does the deepest. Why not Jacques Cousteau, Dave? Yeah.

Other kind of diving. Good first date too Yeah You really want to Fill up on carbs Yeah You want to be holding In farts all evening Every

The cheese holds it in For you The I think every Every man Should talk to his son And be like Son

When you go on a date With a girl You're going to want To not shut the fuck up. Yeah. I'll tell you right now, shut up. Just shut up.

let her talk. Yep. Yeah. Like, ask questions. Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Sure.

Listen. Yeah. Just listen. And then just drive her, just run her over with your words. I mean, not to say that

every mother should not say that to their daughter as well, but more often than not, especially like dudes In their 20s When you're going on A lot of first dates Oh man

And then I ran over With my war Shut up More deep slice Deep dish Deep slice Oh boy Just keep eating

I'll keep talking Listen we're eating A lot of this Sausage and cheese I'm assuming we're Going to have sex later Yeah I'm sweating weird

Is that a good sign? We're going to have sex later. Yeah. I'm sweating weird. Is that a good sign? That's a good sign. Take you around the world and eat the signature dish of every city. Are we going dancing after this? Oh, God, please no. Please no. Here is your

final phone call of 2050. Oh, no. Hey, I was calling in with an overheard. I was just at Costco and I walked by a woman giving out samples near like the health food and supplement aisle and she was this

older woman and she was talking to another customer and at first I thought that she was you know selling her on this supplement or product that she had. Because I heard her say, yeah, they did a Dateline 2020 episode on it. And there was this woman who was, every day her husband got home and she made him a milkshake. And after a couple months, it turns out that she was putting poison in all the milkshakes.

And he died. She murdered him. Yeah, they had kids and everything. Anyway, these are PowerFit protein bars, and they come in chocolate and peanut butter. With or without poison for your husband. Yeah, it's harder to poison these than a milkshake, you know? Oh, wow. I mean, she's poisoning him anyway.

You can't have that much cholesterol in your diet. Yeah, that's true. A milkshake every day? Oh, I have two milkshakes every day. One for breakfast, one for lunch, and then a sensible dinner. That's a Krusty the Clown bit. The health milkshakes, Krusty? Health? What?

Yeah. Uh-oh. Just drinking two milkshakes a day. I think Jim Gaffigan has a bit about, I think I'm lactose intolerant. I just had like six milkshakes and I felt like shit. Must be the lactose. That's great. Well, that brings us to the end of this here episode.

Do you have anything you want to plug? Any upcoming? If people are looking for me to come to their town just come go to mattbronger.com and check out the um the the listing okay sure uh you know tweet at me if you want me to come to your town and i'll work on it i'm trying to put together um a string of of little one-nighters and little theaters and things like that and uh if i can't work out whatever it is with the with the comedy, because comedy clubs, they'll book their schedules way in advance.

I'm going to a lot of different places. And comedy clubs, generally, they let people talk. Yes. This is what I've heard. I've never been to one where they didn't let you. No, yeah. Yeah. Sort of a hootenanny.

The insane woman from last night. I've never been to a rodeo where they don't let you ride the bull, too. Behind the cowboy. Just sitting behind him, holding his waist like you're on a motorcycle. I've been to to a rodeo where they don't let you ride the bull, too. Behind the cowboy. Just sitting behind him, holding his waist like you're on a motorcycle. I've been to plenty of rodeos. Some would say this isn't my first. And the weekend of May 7th is when Bridgetown's happening. It is Bridgetown.

And the name of the album is Big Dumb Animal. Big Dumb Animal. You can get it on iTunes or Amazon or what have you. Yeah. So, yeah. Awesome. Thanks. Thanks for coming.

Thanks for being on the guest. Thanks for giving me not only something to do, but a really cool thing to do while I was in Vancouver. A pleasure. Absolutely. It was cool of you to do it. I try to stay cool, man. That's the point. Everything in life, just be really cool.

Yeah. Now, Graham, before we wrap up the show. Sure. Another quick mention about the max fun drive. This is your final mention of 2015 guys. Yeah. Why do I sound like I'm crying? I don't know because you,

well, we've been through a lot. We did a lot of photos. We should have taken more. Yeah. Of this max fun drive. That's the thing. You come to the end of a max fun drive and you always think,

gosh, I should have taken more pictures, but we had a lot of fun. Yeah. And thanks everybody who donated. Yes. That's the thing. You come to the end of a MaxFunDrive and you always think, gosh, I should have taken more pictures. But we had a lot of fun. Yeah. And thanks to everybody who donated. Yes. And who upped their current donations.

Yeah. And it's not too late for you to do the same. Think of what your donations are going to. Our show that has Matt Pronger. Yeah. When did you think that was going to happen? Yeah. And the weekly flowers that I bring to Dave every week when we do the show. And, you know, I'll just keep doing it.

Do we have a weekly tradition that we do? I guess we do a podcast every week. Yeah. In addition to that, we give the guest a nice little card. Yeah. And you know what? If you're considering donating, here's the thing. You can donate at a myriad of levels.

You can be $5 all the way up to $200 a month. And this is the best time to do it because you get pledge gifts. And also we have challenge donors who will donate equivalent funds to new donors. Not to new donors. That new donors have donated. Yeah, you don't get any of it. Yeah, for every new donor. We're trying to get to 2,000 new and upgrading members at MaximumFund.org. And for every new member, these challenge donors will donate an amount.

It's so hard to explain, but so simple, actually. Yeah. It does seem illegal. Yeah. Well, it's not. It's not. It's not. Be cool.

Yeah. Now, you just need to go to MaximumFund.org, click on Donate, you give them your credit card, you put it in the computer slot, whatever slot you have in your computer. Shove your credit card in put it in the computer slot whatever slot you have in your computer shove your credit card in there yeah if you have one of those tiny uh credit cards it can go into the the card reader yeah yeah like a sd card yeah and then do they make tiny credit cards for like doll wallets yes the answer to your question is yes. My stripper name is Doll Wallet. Well, it's very unpopular at the club. Yeah, and if you're a regular donor already, you can maybe consider upgrading your donation. Yeah.

Right? And the cool thing about Maximum Fun is that it's completely listener supported. We don't have to take any crap from the man yeah you know oh yeah no one's gonna we're not being noted to death by network thugs yeah so you know it's cool to have a thing if you you like a thing support that thing yeah it's a it's the new economy, guys. The things you like are available for wallets. For doll wallets. Dave's lost his mind, so please donate so that we can get him some brain health. Yeah, well, speaking of minds, while it's on your mind, MaximumFun.org. It's the last plea of this drive. MaximumFun.org. It's, it's the last, last plea of these, uh, of this drive,

maximum fun.org. Click on donate and, shall we wrap up the show? And, uh, yeah, that's everything. So,

uh, thank you so much for listening. If you want to check out max fun.org and check out the, uh, the blog recap. Yeah. The blog recap pictures and videos of the things we've talked about on the show, you know,

jukebox hero. Sure. Uh, uh, the blog recap. Pictures and videos of the things we've talked about on the show. You know, jukebox hero. Sure. Deep dish pizza. A big picture of that. Or a video of it. Or, yeah, absolutely. Google search image, drunk guys at aquariums. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, if you can find that. Yeah. And if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Not for me. I know, but I feel like Glenn Wall, he's got powers. He does have powers. Yeah.

Yeah, there's no question. Like, he'll, all of a sudden, you'll be like, Wall, he's got powers. He does have powers. Yeah. Yeah, there's no question. Like, all of a sudden, you'll be like, oh, now I'm drunk. How did this happen? How did this happen? Just touch your shoulder like a magical alcohol alchemist wizard. Just being in his presence. Yeah. Oh, no.

That'd be the most amazing, like, X-Man. He just touches you, you're fucked up. No. All right, before we get going, testing. Testing. Testing. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture.

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