Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 37 - Erica Sigurdson
Episode Date: November 9, 2008Comedian and writer Erica Sigurdson joins us to talk bees, horse racing, and Hancock. We unveil some kind of prank segment too....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Okay, everybody.
Welcome to episode 37 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name's Graham Clark. And joining me, as always, is the man that Essence Magazine called their top bachelor of 2005.
Oh, yeah, that's me.
I beat out Mario Van Peebles.
And our guest today is the very funny comedian, writer, actress, would you say?
I would not say actress.
Okay, not actress.
Definitely comedian and writer.
Auditioner.
Auditioner.
Definitely auditioner.
Martial artist. Martial artist. Yeah. Erica Sigurdsson. Hello. definitely comedian auditioner auditioner definitely auditioner martial artist martial
artist yeah uh erica sigurdsson hello thanks for uh thanks for joining us here on uh stop
podcasting yourself thank you for having me um erica is as you said a martial artist along with
her uh i guess we could say fiance Well, there is a ring and...
It's a technically...
Technically fiancé, yes.
It's on J.P. Maas.
J.P. Maas.
Future guest, we hope.
Presumably.
But I doodled in his notebook over the weekend and he's not pleased with me.
He's very good at jujitsu.
Anyway, let's get to know us.
Get to know us.
So, Erica, what's going on lately with you?
I know you just came back.
You were opening for Canadian icon and Last Comic Standing participant, Jerry D.
I was.
And how'd that go?
It was great.
Yeah?
Yeah, we just got back from the island.
You played here in Vancouver and then Victoria.
Are you going across Canada with them as well?
No, no.
That was it?
Just the BC dates.
Kelowna, Vancouver, Victoria, and Nanaimo.
Ooh.
The big four.
That was Nanaimo.
Or you haven't done Nanaimo yet?
Yeah, we did Nanaimo last night.
How was it?
It was lovely.
Was it in the Waterfront Theater?
The Port Theater.
Port Theater.
Which is on the Waterfront.
That's why I called it that.
I saw a guy getting tasered out in front of that many moons ago.
Oh, that's nice.
Did you?
I did not.
Is that a usual thing?
Okay.
So the shows are good.
What else has been going on, Erica Sigurdsson-wise?
Erica Sigurdsson has been very busy making big plans for how to make big money.
Big plans?
Big money?
Big plans, big money. This is a good time in history for making big plans for how to make big money big plans big money big plans big money
this is a good time in history for making big money i think everything's on the ups is what
i've heard people are cutting back on market up yeah that's uh usually comedy and uh finance
are don't go hand in hand so when finance is down comedy goes up comedy's up that's right so
comedy's up yeah right now the more depressed people get about losing their money and their homes, they will go
to a show.
Because what else to do?
You're now going to be living in a trailer, in a trailer park.
Our apologies to all our listeners that live in trailers.
That's depressing.
Yeah, I guess that's true.
Because now Saturday Night live is actually popular again
after a 14 year slumber uh it's always it's always funnier in retrospect
is it yeah um yeah but i don't know they just said people always say it stinks now
except right now yeah this second they're saying it's on fire highest ratings in 14 years this
past weekend well that's the kind of arc that i'm going for you start slow and you build for 14
years and then ha you showed them take that everyone else yeah um so what do these plans
entail is well they're secret plans i can't get there they are secret plans very secret plans i
get up every morning go to my computer to make my plan.
The one that doesn't have any antivirus on it.
I do have antivirus on my Mac.
Oh, okay.
Which is ironic because you don't really need it on a Mac.
That is ironic.
That is ironic.
I shouldn't say that.
It's one of your plans writing songs for Alanis Morissette.
It is.
We currently have a deal.
It's like antivirus.
So
secret plans. Secret
plans. Jiu-Jitsu.
You're not a spy. I'm not a spy,
but I could be. Yeah, no, that's just
obviously why I brought it up.
Anything
what's on the horizon?
Super exciting.
This weekend,
I'm performing at Laugh Line's Comedy Club,
which has definitely got a gold star.
In the heart of New Westminster.
In the heart of New Westminster.
And failing my getting stabbed next week.
It is the stabbing district.
It is.
Or hooked on crack.
Do you think that there's a possibility of you getting hooked on crack?
If I was stabbed, yes.
Definitely.
They rub crack into the wound.
And then you wake up hooked on crack.
That's how they do it.
That's how they get new customers.
Okay.
So failing, getting hooked on crack or stabbed or a horrible, horrible combination of the two, then what?
Then I'm doing Ladies' Night Out at the Port Moody Arts Center on November 7th.
What is that?
Ladies' Night Out is a night out for ladies.
I like it.
Yeah.
And with some great female comics.
Comics of the female persuasion.
Name one.
Erica Sigurdsson.
There you go.
That's correct.
And?
Jane Stanton.
Oh, Jane Stanton.
It doesn't matter.
I don't think this episode will be out by then.
It's true.
We're creating a backlog because Graham's gone all November.
Well, I was referring to December 7th, 2009.
Oh. So in your face, Dave Shumka fine well we will be able by december 7th okay yeah i'll just move the show to december then that's what i'm gonna let me make
some calls refund some tickets always when there's a group of women on a show a stand-up show it
always has to be like ladies of the Night or Ladies Night Out Girls Night Out
Girls Gone Wild
Chicks Are Crazy
Funny Gals
you know
or She's So Hilarious
and there's always
the Asian ones too
yeah
of like
what was the one
that was called
Me Laugh Your Long Time
that was Jeffrey Yu's joke
right
Chop Suey I think
was the one in
was it called Chop Suey
wasn't there one called
Yellow Fever
Yellow Fever that's what it was called Yellow Fever Was it called Chop Suey? Wasn't there one called Yellow Fever?
Yellow Fever, that's what it was called.
Very close to Chop Suey. Racist.
I'm probably... Chop Suey was something else.
Graham and I are always on the Nasty Boys.
On that or the Dark Show.
They don't have a third act
because no one is as bad.
That's right. Nobody can follow our badass attitude.
Sometimes Dave wears his polo shirt collar up.
I do my Asian character, who's twice as nasty.
I'm really, really offensive to Asians.
Wink, wink.
Winkity, winkity.
So that's exciting.
I can tell by the timber in your voice that you're excited by that. She's a that's an exciting you can
I can tell by the
timbre in your voice
that you're excited by that
she's a very excitable
young lady
I am
I am really excitable
I get that a lot
I'm just brimming
with excitement
about my future
you're gonna get married
I don't know why
but I think it's
you figure that
you're on the cusp
of something big
you always hear right
when people are on talk shows
they're like
I was living at home
I was thinking about giving it up I couldn't make they're like i was living at home i was
thinking about giving it up i couldn't make my rent and then i'm at home i can't make my rent
so i'm just like them i'm on the cusp of something great no but you've got things that are going on
like you always like sylvester stallone had to sell his dog yeah you're not at that point yet
no but i'm selling your dog um no sylvester Stallone had to sell his dog,
and then somehow Rocky got made.
I don't know what the intervening steps were.
How much money do you get for a dog?
Yeah, a used dog.
You look around your apartment,
you're like, lamp, bookshelf, CD collection.
Oh, look, I found my dog.
I think he had ulterior motives with that.
Yeah.
Yeah, well...
I was just planning on getting rid of the dog.
But I don't understand that.
I don't know what the intervening steps between him selling the dog and becoming famous were.
Yeah.
I hope it wasn't on the same day, because that would suck.
You sell your dog at 9 a.m. and by 12...
To the sausage factory, and you go back, gone already.
Just the collar hanging because no one else would buy
no pay good money for an old dog people only buy puppies yeah anything over a year old you gotta
you just adopt 50 cents but you know uh so that's just always that he was a menacing presence back
in the day so maybe he forced somebody to buy his dog in order so that he could buy
a typewriter to write the screenplay
for Rocky. Maybe he acted so well
he convinced them to buy
his dog. I doubt that.
But your
future's alright. You're gonna get
married in the new year, possibly, maybe?
Yeah. That's happening, right?
That's happening.
You're nervous about the first night?
I have been getting some advice from the older women in my family.
Mostly by email, which is really uncomfortable to read.
Mostly by messages in the traveling pants.
In Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, do they leave messages in the pocket?
Have you not seen it?
No.
I just knew it was a hilarious reference.
Did you get to see The Secret Life of Bees?
Not yet, and I'm very upset about it.
I actually, on the ferry this morning, thought, I'm going to go see it today.
And then I remembered I have a date with Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Because I haven't read the book.
You told me basically what goes on in the book.
Yeah.
It doesn't really have anything to do with bees.
I think they have a honey farm or something.
Is Aquila involved?
Aquila?
From Aquila and the Bee?
Oh, yes.
It's a Jerry Seinfeld joint.
But you haven't gone and seen it yet.
You were pretty hyped about it over the weekend.
I'm still hyped.
For somebody who is that hyped, I'm surprised you haven't seen it yet.
I have had no chance.
I've been traveling back and forth between cities since I saw you.
What is The Sisterhood of the Traveling Bees?
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Bees is about a group of people that capture bees in a jar,
and then they hand them
off to their girlfriends and then the bees buzz secret messages into their ears and i'm very
excited to see it what's it actually about i believe you told the secret message
what's it really called what's it called again it is called the life of what is it called the Tell the secret message.
What's it really called?
What's it called again?
It is called The Life of... What is it called?
The Secret Life of Bees.
The Secret Life of Bees.
Right.
Also from the writer of Cure for Death by Lightning.
That's right.
Sue Monk Kidd.
There you go.
Very good book.
It's about a young woman, young girl.
I guess she's about seven or eight when the movie starts out.
Say Dakota Fanning. Say Dakota Fanning.
Dak Fan. Dak Fan, as we
call him. She won last comic
standing, I think.
Three years in a row, thank you.
She plays a young girl
in the 40s, and
she accidentally... Not a young girl in her 40s.
Yeah, a young girl in her 40s.
It's also a lot about science.
She's got that aging disease.
She goes to space where there's no gravity and therefore she doesn't age.
So she comes back and she's 40.
This movie is awesome!
No one knows she's 40 because she looks like an 8-year-old.
But she has all the wisdom of a 40-year-old.
And everyone hates her in school.
And it turns into a message.
And she's like sneaking scotch and she's kibitzing.
It's a movie about bullying.
Oh, this sounds like a good movie.
I don't know why more people aren't excited to go see that.
No, I didn't know what it was about.
Now you do.
The preview would lead you to believe that it was something to do with Queen Latifah in the South.
But in actuality, this hilarious twist.
The South in space, though.
The South in space today looks remarkably like the South of America in the 40s.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's real dusty up there.
It's an awesome time to be in the South.
So, yeah, you have been zigzagging.
You went on the ferry probably more than
twice. I sure did.
There's more than two lines
in a zig and a zag.
Yes, I went...
You zigged over, you zagged back, you zigged back,
and then I zagged back over.
And then you went to Nanaimo and then zagged
back. So that's like six trips. No, no, no. You've really outdone yourself there. I zagged. Zagged back over. Yeah. And then you went to Nanaimo and then zagged back. So that's like six trips.
Not too many zags.
No, no, no, no.
No, you've really outdone yourself there.
I really did.
What did I do?
I went over with you on Friday.
Then you came back.
Then I came back.
Then you went back.
Then I went back.
I didn't come back because I was Victoria Nanaimo.
Oh, right.
So we drove to Nanaimo.
It didn't make sense to ferry back and then go back the same day.
You know, I don't know.
You maybe want to change your outfit.
Come back to Vancouver.
Feed your dog, Rusty.
I just, they have these new things out.
They're called suitcases.
So you can sell them.
And I took one with me filled with clothes to change into.
Of Elise.
That's what sophisticates call it.
Hey, Graham.
What?
Shall we get to know you?
Yeah, well, mostly.
The only thing that's interesting is I went over to Victoria with Erica.
Done it.
We did a show for the police.
Oh, the policeman's ball?
Yeah.
Well, it wasn't really a ball.
No.
And there weren't any police there.
But it was on behalf of the police.
And the show in town was it was okay i
guess and then we went to victoria and it was a lot of senior citizens mostly senior citizens
and right off of the bat there was a lady in leather pants was she a senior citizen yeah and
she was standing up because the button kept coming undone on our leather pants and she kept standing
up to rebutton it so that that derailed the show from the start everything was downhill from there when you say she kept
standing up like every minute every five i would say yeah and uh she was there with her mother and
it was one of those she was an old lady but she also had a mother yeah it looked like they were
the same age like i i didn't know how to say it tactfully like basically one person was going to come off insulted so i just said i would have thought your sisters which the
mother liked and leather pants didn't care i could call her leather face i suppose just call her
leather i'll just call her leathers um but that the best part of the show was that there was it
was in a legion in uh way out in the suburbs and there was
a band playing downstairs that struck up i think the second that jp walked on stage yeah they struck
up uh lots lots of light hits of today and yesterday and uh but you could not like at the
back of the room you couldn't even hear really jp over the band um and so then that's when i wrote in jp's notebook which he didn't
appreciate at all right uh and then during erica said we went downstairs to investigate
and they were playing i don't remember what song they were playing like i think it might
have been traveling wilburys and there was a lot of seniors dancing uh that's actually what it was all right and uh nailed it hey there's
all these old people dancing and then the band decided to switch it up and played a song by
narls barkley and the floor just completely cleared i don't recognize this were they also
playing on behalf of the police no this was a separate uh affair but then leather pants caught
up with me downstairs.
And she kept talking about her Leather Pants and how this guy bought them for her and how much he liked her ass in them.
You know, sure, maybe.
When you say she was old.
60s?
She was like Dakota Fanning in her 40s.
And then she was actually hitting on jp quite a bit and the button continued to just undo itself were the pants just a size small i think she was a size
big if you know what i'm saying that's exactly what i was saying oh okay um i thought i was being
uh clever you were just being meaner okay I was. I was being much meaner.
And then she said at one point, I really enjoyed your act.
You know who else I enjoy?
Sinbad.
You must get that a lot.
Yeah.
Well, to be fair, I was wearing parachute pants.
But she probably thought that was a really hip reference, though.
I really like that Sinbad.
I knew that something terrible was going to pop out of her mouth,
but I expected it to be more in the canon of Larry the Cable Guy,
but not, surely not Sinbad.
But yeah, no, she said, that guy cracks me up.
I haven't had cable since 1992.
What's that Kirk Cameron
up to?
Oh yeah, that was another thing that
Eric and I brought up
in conversation. What happened to
is Tiger Beat still around?
Probably.
I haven't seen one
in a supermarket or on a magazine
shelf. No, I haven't been looking. I kind of looked when I was at 7-Eleven and I didn't seen one in a supermarket or on a magazine shelf. No, I haven't been looking.
I kind of looked when I was at 7-Eleven.
I didn't see one.
I actually saw an 11-year-old girl reading a magazine today that looked very much like,
you know, Tiger Beat always had that look of like,
just, ah, we just threw all these pictures in there with crazy captions.
It's the inside of your locker.
Yeah, precisely.
And I tried to get a glimpse at what she was reading,
but I couldn't get my head cranked around without being creepy.
They read like Teen People or Teen Cosmo or Teen Economist.
What?
I never understood the title Tiger Beat.
Did it come from Eye of the Tiger?
I think it was pre-Eye of the Tiger.
It went back to the 60s.
Yeah, back when people used to beat tigers to death.
When teen girls used to.
Not used to turn them on.
That led to the teen pregnancy problem.
When Danny Bonaduce fought a tiger and beat him.
But yeah, if you listeners, if you know why Tiger Beat is called Tiger Beat, maybe write us.
Or if it's still around.
It's probably around in like an online scenario, like tigerbeat.tv.
I don't know if it is.
She's giving a look.
I don't think it is.
No, you think it's gone.
Well, if they want to see their sexy Zac Efron's and whoever else the young kids are really liking,
they can just Google them and get pictures of them.
Who else but Zach Efron?
Really?
Who else?
The Jonas Brothers.
The Jonas Brothers.
Zach and Cody.
Are they in there?
Zach and Cody are...
They're weird looking.
Yeah.
They're a weird looking pair of guys.
Anybody else?
Mario Lopez.
Well, Mario Lopez, he's kind of the eternal...
Have you ever watched the teen choice awards
no the tcas is that the one where they win the surfboard uh yes it was weird because uh
i'll flip by it and it seems like will smith is his has an open invitation to no matter how old he gets. He's somehow allowed to go
where no other adult
is. Is he still...
Do kids still identify with the Will Smith?
Yeah, there's Fresh Prince reruns
and
Men in Black 2.
And anyone can win one.
Estelle Getty won one last year.
No, she didn't.
No, she didn't.
Lifetime Achievement Award
Just shows all the ones she's won over the years
The Teen Choice Awards
Would have Zac Efron's 21
Now so he would have a Lifetime Achievement Award
Yeah
They just show clips
You can't tell what high school musical clip
It's from
Anyways
Dave let's get to know you okay um well last or this past friday i
uh it was the birthday of former guest olivia mowat oh yeah and she yeah i got a text message
at the last minute in a last ditch effort to celebrate her own birthday yeah it was a fun
thing uh we went a bunch of a group of people went cosmic
bowling also known as disco bowling but uh the carpet had uh planets on it so i assume it was
cosmic oh so it wasn't that you had to wear some sort of ventilator no okay uh and i i rarely bowl
but this was super fun and uh every time i go bowling or cosmic bowling, like once a year,
someone always says, we should make this a regular thing.
And it is really fun.
And you feel like, hey, yeah, that would be a fun regular thing.
But it's not going to happen.
Well, every group of wacky friends, if the show Friends is any indication,
needs one person that organizes shit.
Yeah, Phoebe.
I think it was a Monica.
Yeah, I know.
Come on.
You know what I'm talking about?
Do you?
You've got groups of friends, Erica.
You know what I'm talking about.
Do I?
I don't know.
I assume you do.
I haven't seen Secret Life of Bees because no one will go with me.
Well, I didn't know what the plot was.
I'll go with you now.
Friends or no friends. No one's going to see that with you. Well, I didn't know what the plot was. I'll go with you now. Friends or no friends.
No one's going to see that with you.
I'll be the only one in the theater.
I'm the organizer.
That's what I was going towards.
I was like, I bet you were the person who would organize a group activity.
I would, and then I get so stressed out
and so upset that I'm the one
in the corner sulking, and everyone's like,
why does she keep doing this?
There's a lot of sulking this weekend.
It ends in tears.
So it was fun?
It was super fun.
We went to the Arbutus Ridge Bowling.
Do they have the balls with the holes in them?
No, it's the little small balls on five pin bowling.
And there's a bar there.
Not a bar, there's a fridge full of beer.
And you can buy beer.
But some of the people...
But they serve them cocktail style, that's why it's called a bar, right?
Right.
They flip them around, flip them over their shoulder.
Put them in a giant martini glass.
But some of the people snuck in their own beer sure and then on their
way out showed it to the people and apparently a little uh brouhaha ensued showed it to the people
at the bar hey that's pretty good i often don't intend puns um so what the why why would you do
that uh why would they show them to the people at the bar?
Is it a victory thing?
Like, hey, hey, we just pulled one over on you,
the menace of society, the bowling alley bar.
I don't know why they did it,
but the bowling alley people took it way too seriously, too,
because they were just like 20-year-olds.
That's where they make all their cash.
I know, but they weren't the managers.
They were just...
They were like Zac Efron.
They were like hot little Zac Efron
with beautiful piercing blue eyes.
Which really puts a damper on the plans
of ever doing this again,
of ever reorganizing a bowling event.
Maybe that was their plan.
Was it Taz Van Rassel?
It was Taz Van Rassel, wasn't it?
Hey, listen, I don't remember who it was.
I think I'm going to have to have a tête-à -tête with him.
Oh, another thing that
happened is I heard this thing on the radio
and this was going to be an overheard, but it's just too good.
Well, why didn't you save it for
an overheard? No, no, no. Do you have something
better? Yes. Oh, wow. Okay.
I heard a thing on the radio
about Hastings
Raceway. Hastings
Park.
Hastings Park. Hastings Park.
Yeah, I love the ponies.
Graham bets on the ponies every week.
I like to bet on the ponies.
Yeah, I go down there with my pork pie hat
and my crunched up racing form.
And they're having a contest now
at the horse raceway.
I believe it's called Hastings.
Is that right?
Yeah.
The track.
The track.
At the track. Where the horses race. Right. Is that right? Yeah. The track. The track. The track.
Where the horses race.
Right.
Is that what you're talking about?
Yes.
Oh, okay.
So you're not just talking about a field somewhere.
Horsten Villa.
Horsten.
Where a horse can be a kid again.
They have sweepstakes where you, and if you enter, you can win either a new Infinity
sedan or
a year long
ownership of a horse.
Oh, I know what I would
take. Horse.
Horse! Because you make money
off of that. Only if they finish in the
top five. Yeah, it's a horse of their choosing.
Of their choosing?
Or the winner's choosing? Of the raceway's choosing. I, it's a horse of their choosing. Of their choosing? Or the winner's choosing?
Of the raceway's choosing.
I'd still take the horse.
It seems like a
lot of worry.
You can just sell the car.
Infinity Sedan seems
like, well, yeah, you
could sell the horse. No, you
only own it for a year. You can't sell it.
Beg to differ, I own it for a year you can't sell it uh beg to differ i own it
for a year i can sell it to whoever i want to glue factory meat factory um horse hair paint brush
factory right right um but if you own it for a year are you responsible for feeding it no no
that's included feeding bareding, barning.
I believe it's called barning.
Barning.
Can you barn my pony for me? Studding.
You can have it studded.
Now, if it was a good horse, I would be dazzled.
It's called bedazzling your horse.
I would put the horse out to stud for a year, because you make a lot more money on that.
Unless they give you a girl horse.
Or a bag.
But yeah,
we can't.
You would take the car?
Yeah, and sell it.
No, I would take the horse
and then that would be
my story that I would tell
everybody for the rest
of my life about the year
that I owned a horse.
I think I would turn
that into a fucking movie starring Dakota Fan fanning and zach efron as me which one both of them
fanning when i'm older telling the story back and zach efron when i'm a younger man what would you
call the movie my friend phil in black i don't know what the horse name is, Battery Pack. I would call it,
damn, I could have had a car.
This didn't turn out.
I grew up with racehorses.
We owned them as a child.
And let me tell you.
Really?
Yes.
You grew up with them.
They raised you like their own.
Yeah.
No, I had parents.
I come from a family of fillies.
I had parents that raised horses.
Did you really?
I did.
Wow. I was at Cloverdale Racetrack. And let me tell you. You didn't grow upaced horses. Did you really? I did at Cloverdale Racetrack.
And let me tell you... You didn't grow up
on a farm, did you? I did not. No, a racetrack.
Oh, you grew up on a racetrack.
No, I just was at the racetrack a lot.
Do you gamble now?
On the ponies? I imagine you would have that
insider knowledge. It's not gambling. She has a system.
I do have a system.
No, it's hard to make money betting on
horses. Like, you've got to bet that...
I see a lot of really nice tweed jackets down there.
Explain that.
I see a lot of disappointment.
Yeah.
I see a lot of old men down there.
I see a lot of compulsion.
So what?
Did your parents make money off of that?
No, they did not.
See, owning a horse does not make you money.
Although if the feeding and barning is included, maybe it does.
What about if you started up a year-long business?
What's a famous fucking horse?
Shebiscuit.
Yeah, so then you start up a business where kids...
Because it's 1912.
Yeah, where kids can have Seabiscuit at their
birthday party. Then you just bring the horse
over to their house.
And let kids...
Touch it.
Draw on it with chalk so you can wash it off later.
Draw on the horse.
Camfella was the big, important
horse when I was a kid.
Camfella?
Camfella. C-A-M-F-E-L-L-A.
Is there a system for naming horses?
Or is it just magnetic poetry?
A lot of times, if they come from good stock,
you name them
after you put the name of the
stud, the daddy horse, in there so that
people know the lineage.
Right.
And then different people have...
We had to make a list, my family, because we were getting a new horse, of what names
we would want.
And because people do, like, clever names, like, somebody...
Because they'll be said fast, so somebody named...
Buckle Hair.
Yeah, like...
And we had a horse called Hell's a-Poppin' A, because when the horse is coming fast down
the track, I mean, it's called the Hell's a-poppin' A.
But my name that I picked was Princess, which my parents...
Has there ever been a horse called that?
No, there has not.
And my parents wrote it in a separate column, and I knew at that moment it wasn't seriously being considered to name our new horse.
In a separate column, like, they had a board.
They wrote all the little
suggestions on the left-hand side,
and then Princess just kind of floated
over here like it was an early
issue of Tiger Beats.
In case if any of the
good names killed each other.
Yeah.
Last case scenario, Princess.
Princess.
But doesn't it have to be something like princess quesadilla or something like that?
Doesn't it have to be like two things?
It should be.
You know more about this than I do, right?
I really don't.
Did you used to ride horses?
Were you like a kid that rode horses?
I was.
Princess quesadilla, that's beautiful.
I did.
I rode horses, but the kind of horses that we had were
standard standard bred horses not thoroughbred horses what's the difference standard bred
they're bred less thoroughly they are they put what they do is they put like five mares in and
five studs and they just let whoever fuck whoever it's's like a key party. Yeah, it's a key party.
It's swinging and so it's not really.
They just put blinders on so they don't know who they're fucking.
It's hard because they don't want to look at each other the next day.
Oh, jeez.
Look who's in that stall.
This is embarrassing.
He's seen me naked.
Wait, I'm naked now. I'm naked now.
Did any of your horses wear pants?
Wow, I didn't realize that was part of your history.
I am kind of like a spy.
It's a rich tapestry.
Well, the best was for my eighth birthday.
My mom for my birthday party.
We didn't have a lot of money growing up.
But you had plenty of horses.
Plenty of horses kicking around.
I think one had something to do with the other.
For my eighth birthday, instead of taking all the kids to Chuck E. Cheese or somewhere that costs money,
my mom took us all to the racetrack to watch the racehorses and had candies and stickers so the kids could bet on horses.
That sounds super fun.
I know, but thinking back on it,
it was not an appropriate birthday
for a child to take the kids to the track
and teach them how to gamble.
Not nowadays.
Yeah, some hobo also taught you
how to make a cigar out of eight cigar butts
that you found on the ground.
Yeah, and then we played a game
to see who could roll the most cigarettes.
You won a prize.
Then you went out to the parking lot
and played a quick round of lockpick.
Yeah.
And then we ran underneath the stands
and had to match bottles.
It was like a game of memory.
And we took them to the Bottle Depot
and had enough money to split one 20 piece mcnuggets
there you go see happy birthday erica oh those 20 piece mcnuggets are good it's my favorite
amount of pieces 20 pieces i like 19 well you're a lady yeah you are a lady that is true um do we want to whoa your dog's going insane yeah well
grandpa uh shall we move on to overheards yes please
overheard all right who to start with overheard wise let's start with you dave i don't think we
ever start with you fine no don't get all never have? I'm sure if you check the records, I'm sure I've
gone first. To the archives!
Alright, well, last
week I was describing a group
of four people.
Two dudes were stoner dudes.
One girl was a hippie chick.
And one girl was a weird
Russian girl who didn't seem to fit
with these stoners and hippies.
It's the new Seinfeld.
It's the new friends.
And I got a few from them, and I mentioned a couple last week.
But this overheard was this girl was talking to one of the stoner dudes,
and she said to him, this guy came up to me,
and he was like wow you
should be a model how tall are you and she said oh i'm five foot four and he said too short and
then the guy the stoner guy that was with her said really i thought all models were short and she
said no models are really tall and then the guy out of nowhere said i heard george michael's like five foot even
guy who was not listening to the conversation decides to get involved in the last second
because he's a model right i know we're talking about height i have one height fact in my brain
george michael is 4 11 and a half is that true no i have no idea five even
there's no way he's under five no one's under five in this day and age i heard things about
tom cruise right he's three foot seven but he's not a model models are like eight feet tall that's
true yeah what was that show i was watching? Oh, Project Runway. Yes.
I was watching Project Runway.
I'm not judging you, Graham.
What you were watching was the
Canadian feed of Project Runway, which is
about four weeks behind. Yeah.
The rock chick got kicked off, so
that's probably way behind. Oh, way behind.
Yeah. She looks like Joan
Dett. I watched that episode.
Did you watch it? I did.
Have you watched it like Dave style four weeks ago?
Or did you just watch it last night?
Yeah.
In my hotel room.
That's quite a show.
It's the only reality show where they actually do anything.
Yeah.
Junkyard Wars was the other one.
I like Top Chef because...
They actually make a thing at the end?
Well, no.
They're all...
Because it's not like America's Next Top Model where they just make a thing at the end well no they're all because it's not like
project or it's not like america's next top model where they just take a bunch of pretty girls and
see if they can turn them into models everyone's already a chef and so they just see what they can
do and like project runway everyone's already already a clothing designer and yet last comic
standing is almost unwatchable yeah yeah what Yeah. What's the difference there? What happens there? Is it the
ant factor? He's not even on it anymore.
I think he's on every episode forever.
He's on that other show where
there's fat people and they step
on a giant scale. The biggest
loser. Is it the biggest
loser? No, it's the Celebrity
Fit Club. Where Screech
tries to get into a fight.
The term celebrity
and fit. Yeah, Screech tries to get into a fight. Where the term celebrity...
Loose.
And fit.
Yeah, Screech isn't fat or a celebrity.
He's pretty chunky.
He's chunkier than I would have given him credit for.
What?
How much credit do you give people for being chunky?
A lot.
They get tokens.
Graham comes upon them in the street.
Chunky tokens.
You have earned three chunks.
Any overheard for you, Mr. Graham? comes upon them in the street. Chunky tokens. You have earned three chunks. Any
overheard for you, Mr. Graham
Clark? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My favorite brand of
overheard is the Lost
Context overheard.
It was
at Caper's Market
while I was looking in the
deli section. What was that face about? It's now called Whole Foods was looking in the uh the deli section don't what was that face about
it's now called whole foods no the one by my house is called capers
read a book
then i go home and read great expectations she was right educate yourself. I was in there, and there was a member of the staff was yelling out to another member of the staff,
Well, I don't care.
I'm not going back in there because it smells like hot dogs.
But I didn't know where.
Right.
I assumed my house.
I'm going anywhere that smells like hot dogs.
You know why?
Because there's a chance hot dogs will be present.
And there's usually an extra one.
The only thing that's scary is where you go somewhere where it smells like hot dogs and there are no hot dogs present.
I think that was the case here.
I think that's why she was so freaked out.
It was a room that just smelled of hot dogs.
Yeah.
Ghost hot dogs, if you will.
I don't think capers actually sell hot dogs.
They sell veggie dogs.
You're thinking of Whole Foods.
I am.
Yeah, they said they have a hot dog.
Oh, yeah, that was the other thing.
It was not even an overheard.
It was kind of like an overseen, but I did a little internet research.
Remember, we went out for dinner at an Italian place that had...
Pizza Hut.
They had celebrity photos on the wall and there was one it was called Colonel popcorn and it was a guy wearing a hat
the made out of popcorn yeah it's kind of had a Colonel had a top hat made out
of kernels of popcorn Oh Colonel was kernel. Was it spelled kernel with a K? Yes. Nice. Yeah.
And his picture is right next to Canadian comedy legend Mike McDonald.
It was Mike McDonald and kernel popcorn.
So I went online and I looked up kernel popcorn's website and it's a doozy.
Have you seen it?
No.
He does parties and inspirational seminars.
There's a picture of him at an urban high school.
Or junior high.
A dangerous mind situation.
Yeah.
Where he's teaching kids the wonders of popcorn.
He has his own popcorn that he sells through there.
What does he do?
Magic and shit.
Throw popcorn at them?
Yeah, he throws popcorn at them. Does he have an extra hat of unpopped kernels?
And then on a really hot day?
What did I hire him to find out?
I did.
It gets really mad.
It just starts popping.
You won't want to see me when I'm angry.
I'm delicious.
Yeah, for an extra $50, Professor Butters will show up.
They're actually a gay church.
Yeah. Just squirt some butter on there.
But yeah,
Colonel Popcorn, that's
the website. It's Colonel Popcorn
spelled like a kernel of popcorn.
Right.
Check it out.
His blog is going to skyrocket!
Have you ever been to
Colonels in the mall?
Yeah.
It's all they do is popcorn in different flavors.
I think they discontinued the sampling
policy. That used to be their main
policy, remember?
I think their main policy was profit.
Not according to the Colonels
where I went. Their main policy
was letting teenagers just steal
as much popcorn as they
wanted sure caramel is good regular popcorn is good what else well they were all the all the
other variations were fairly shitty but if you put them all in a bag together and did kind of
the random pick you're almost always disappointed that's what i learned from uh my because we would
get a bag and then just take, empty the sample dish,
and then you'd have one that would be like jalapeno,
and the next would be bubblegum or...
Yeah, no, it was every possible flavor.
I never went to Colonel's.
It was a really bad idea.
I walked past it many, many times.
Yeah.
It's not around still, is it?
It must be.
Pacific Center, I believe, had one.
Yeah, they had one.
I don't know if they still do. I believe that's going on going on my google it was in the area of pacific center the joining section
yeah that's kind of gotten a little iffy since holt renfrew took over the other side in this
economic time does holt renfrew need a whole side of a mall yeah well i think there's the fact that
holt renfrew still exists shows a lot about the economic situation in this particular city. Holt Renfrew, for our
American listeners, is
Neiman Marcus.
I think it's more expensive than Neiman Marcus.
I think that's a premium
department store. As premium
as you get. Yeah, mostly
Holt Renfrew. Gimbals? Yeah, gimbals.
What about J.C. Penny?
What about J.C. Penny?
I've heard that's a little upscale.
Wouldn't know.
I go to winners and that's it.
I go to winners and capers and I cry.
That's what I do with my time.
Erica, you said you had an overheard.
Courtesy of the fairy, no less.
Actually, I have an overheard and an underheard.
What's an underheard?
I will explain after I tell you my overheard.
Gentlemen.
Sorry.
I was at Subway Sandwich Shop.
Oh, is that new?
I think it's been out for a couple months.
A couple years.
Are they related to Quiznos?
They are not related to Quiznos.
Oh, she's talking about Mr. Sub.
Yeah.
Okay.
So the gentleman in front of me was ordering a meatball sub,
and the girl, the artist, put the meatballs on the sub,
and then she turned to the girl that was working a little farther.
You know, like the employee that you always wish would come out and make your sandwich,
but they just hang back and you don't know what they're doing?
Yeah.
The Picasso of subs.
They only come out for the important shit.
To put stuff in the wrong spot.
For the gals.
So she turns to the girl.
She's just put three meatballs on this dude's sub,
and she turns to the girl and says,
After this sub, these meatballs
are no good.
Yes.
But the
hilarious thing
is the guy said, well,
what do you mean? You just put them on my sub.
And then she said, oh no,
these meatballs are okay.
But T-minus twin but they have a very precise expiration date 806 and they're gone when are you gonna eat this yeah you're not taking this home
are you last summer i should have closed with that that was way funnier than my underheard do
they still call them sandwich artists?
Is that still a term that they use?
I don't know that they...
I think behind the counter.
Yeah, I think it's an industry term.
Because I'm excited about somebody who's...
It's behind the counter, behind the music of Subway.
I'm excited about the next period
of Subway subs artistry
because it's been pretty much the standard model.
Yeah, I want to see some impressionists.
I want to see a meat and a slice of bread in between
a pickle all with a
toothpick. Voila!
Impressionists.
We've talked about this on the podcast,
but this past summer they had the
lobster sub.
Yes, you have talked about it.
Okay, never mind then.
No, but please.
I wanted it so bad, but I also
never really wanted it.
And it was $18
for a long time.
That's ridiculous. Who does that?
Well, who goes to Subway with
a fresh $20? You do not goes to Subway with a fresh 20?
You do not go into Subway with that much money.
There was a time in my life when I stopped going to fast food restaurants.
From the time I was 20 to about 23, I maybe...
Because you saw Koyaanisquatsi?
Is that it?
What?
Is that what the movie's called?
Oh, I know what you're talking about.
But yeah, no, for no reason.
I just was like, I don't want to eat that.
And I've since gone back, and I go to McDonald's every month or so, maybe.
Or Wendy's or Burger King.
Sure.
Who can resist a shamrock shake?
I have a subway two blocks from my house, and I haven't been to Subway in five years.
Well, I went to
as the listeners may or may not know
I've been a practicing
vegetarian for the last year and a bit
and KFC
just recently came out with a
veggie snacker?
It's a veggie
popcorn mix master bucket
of fun.
And it was
just as terrible as the chicken.
It was as diarrhea-inducing.
Why?
Why?
If you were a vegetarian, why would you go to KFC?
Because past guest Morgan Brayton
said she
tried it, and I just felt like
I need to be on an even
plateau in case
anybody says, have you tried the veggie thing
at KFC? And I can say yes.
Because you lose your card if you don't.
If you haven't tried the latest.
The veggie card, very poorly made.
Not even laminated.
What I loved about that chicken veggie
fake burger was Pamela Anderson came up
and was on Davie Street
quite close to my house and tried
the burger and it was a big press
thing. She was here and she was
giving KFC the thumbs up
for coming out with the vegetarian
burger. Which is odd.
Because I'm like, so you're just forgetting
Because they still treat their chickens like shit.
Yeah, you're not forcing every
customer to eat this chicken shit
burger.
Well, I think we could safely say that Pamela Anderson is not the pillar of morality that she made.
And a chicken shit burger, is that vegetarian?
Technically.
I like that somebody that had any amount of intercourse with Tommy Lee of Motley Crue. Any.
Even verbal.
Yeah.
Can claim any moral high ground on anybody else.
But that's the society in which we live.
What was Tommy Lee's reality show?
Tommy Lee fucks a stranger.
That's the one.
Never mind.
It's called I Got the Hep.
What was your underheard?
Oh.
My underheard.
Heard.
My underheard.
And photo-weckered.
Happened today.
Describe what an underheard is.
Okay.
An underheard is when you are having a conversation and a random stranger in the close proximity
to you who is overhearing your conversation looks over
and you can tell by the look in their eyes
they're going to walk over and interject with a tidbit.
And you say, I've just been underheard.
Yeah, I've just been underheard.
So 6.30 in the morning, I'm in the ferry lineup to get food,
which was a mistake.
And some dude is
standing behind jerry d and i was explaining the situation with uh the parents of the chinese
exchange student who was killed and why they're here trying to get the murder murderer extradited
from china right so i don't know much about it but i just pretend and i tell him this story that has very few facts in it and it's mostly
about chow man yeah it was all about a bad incident and he says he says uh oh well they
won't extradite him because they'll kill him and suddenly from behind me this dude who was
chomping at the bit for a pause in the conversation says i'll tell you where that wouldn't happen
swanee county california and it was just one of those things where you have no one of those in the conversation says, I'll tell you where that wouldn't happen. Suwannee County, California.
And it was just one of those things
where you have no...
He was wearing one of those sheriff's hats.
You have no idea what to do with that.
Like, I didn't...
Okay, I guess.
What?
Is that where you're from?
Yeah.
Do you want to talk about it?
But then he lets the hang time
of like 40 seconds
of Jerry and I
blankly staring at each other like,
I guess it wouldn't happen in there.
The only way that it would have been awesome is if you turned around and he was handcuffed to a Chinese guy.
Then you would have been like, well, point taken.
I've been told.
I want to read this one from a listener.
A listener overheard.
Listener overheard.
Take it, Graham.
This is from Jeremy K.
He sent in this...
Do you think Jeremy K. is actually J.K. Rowling?
Yeah.
Well, no.
I mean, that's what's...
I was winking at you the whole time,
but I'm glad you picked up on it.
Two guys were walking down the street, and the one said to the other as they walked by me,
I always wear big hats.
And he said, I don't know why that really struck me as awesome.
And I said, yeah, I wrote back.
I was like, that struck you as awesome because it's pretty funny.
It was awesome.
And then he sent back another email to me saying, the best part is he wasn't wearing a hat at all.
That was my favorite part of that overheard.
Thank you, Jeremy K.
We're sending in your overheard.
I guess you had to be there.
So, yeah, that's...
What do you want to do now? Well, there's one thing I wanted to
I wanted to thank
Whoever it was
Who sent in
The listener who informed us about a serial
Right
We've been calling
Since the invention of the podcast
We've been calling our listener
We invented this podcast
In a lab, right?
I believe it was
We used test tubes.
I was wearing a white coat.
I was wearing a hump for effect.
And we've been always called our listeners bumpers for no, there's no real reason behind it.
Right.
But a gal from, I believe it was somewhere in the states of Michigan, I think.
Michigan, Maryland.
Found a type of cereal from the states that are called Graham Bumpers.
And hipped us to it.
So thank you for that heads up.
I know for a fact we don't have them in Canada.
I'm sure they don't have them pretty much anywhere.
If that listener was to send you a box.
I wouldn't be opposed to that.
Send it to our email address.
Yeah.
Because the only one who's ever sent anything to my real address sent me a used band-aid.
And some itch cream.
And some topical cream.
Yeah, it's a long story.
You can listen to it on another podcast.
Yeah.
And also there was a listener that seemed very upset about the ginger ale content of the crumbs episode.
Five episodes ago.
Five episodes ago.
But this person just wrote to us, said about that we're talking about Canada Dry and we're talking about Schweppes.
But apparently there's a whole world of ginger ales that we know fuck all about.
So if you want to world of ginger ales that we know fuck all about so if you want
to send us ginger you want to send us some ginger ales to try we will also accept that as well yeah
you can reach us at our email address we'll tell you at the end of the show sure uh i have an idea
for a new segment oh i also want to say oh if we're if we're just doing some housekeeping oh
let's do some housekeeping um uh so oh we didn't win the hockey
night in canada theme song thing oh no but uh for any listener who hasn't we were we were a close
second wasn't it it didn't come down to a guy and like a 14 year old and the 14 year old one and his
name was 14 year old oh he won i think you won Oh, he won? I think he won. Mr. Bagpipes? No, he lost.
I don't know.
Yeah, he was the second place.
I don't know.
I do know because I saw a photo of the guy and he's not 14.
He's got that aging disease that makes you look 30.
But I think the guy's name was Colin Oberst, which sounds a lot like Connor Oberst of Bright Eyes, but isn't.
Never mind. carry on uh but uh
is where can people listen to our hilarious entry oh play it at the end of this episode
just tack it on the end i'll tack it on the end yeah so you can listen to our awesome
hockey night in canada from episode 23 with paul bay i have a possible segment that I think will work,
but it's mostly for the bumpers out there.
Because I only have one,
but it's my idea for what I think would be an awesome, hilarious prank.
Do you have anything that would fall under that category?
Have you ever thought of something where you're like,
that would be a good prank, but you're too chicken to ever do it?
Or just like anything anything like that.
Mine is very simple.
Mine is...
Do you want this to be an actual segment about pranks?
Yeah.
But pranks you would never do, because who does pranks?
Yeah, who does pranks, right?
Do you want to have a theme song?
I do, but I haven't concocted one yet.
But I will. All right, next i'll i will all right next episode
yeah okay next episode i smell a contest for the bumper but i i would just like there may be
prizes go get your own bumper grim cereal or whatever the fuck it's called or some ginger ale
some undrink and ginger mostly it's because I thought this was a funny thing to do
just to have in your house.
You know those frames where you can put in digital pictures
and it kind of flips them every minute or so?
Digital picture frames, I think they're called.
Oh, yeah, that's it.
That's a good name for them.
Or digipicto something.
Frames.
Frames.
Maybe, I thought it was funny, if you put all pictures of your grandparents, maybe a piano recital of some sort,
and then every fifth one is something horribly pornographic.
But it just flashes really quick.
Yeah, but it's just in the cycle.
You don't at any point call attention to it and be like,
hey, look at this frame.
It's just there on the shelf.
And then there's just like...
So you give this to someone as a gift.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've uploaded a bunch of pictures that I thought were...
And they put it up in their house.
Yeah, and then there's just like one or two,
but incredibly pornographic pictures.
Not just naked, but something really...
Illegal.
Yeah.
Well, not illegal, but, well, immoral.
Well, all sex is immoral.
Right.
Well, on that we can agree.
But do you have anything that would fall under that?
I haven't come up with any pranks.
Okay.
But if any bumpers out there have hilarious ideas for pranks...
Prankmasters.
Prankmasters.
Prankmasters!
There you go.
Put some music to that.
It's short.
Yeah, it's a step back for us musically.
Oh, do we have to...
Do I have to say fuck yourself in it at some point?
We'll come up with something.
Okay, we'll work on it.
Okay. What else? Oh! we'll come up with something okay we'll work on it um okay
what else
uh
oh
should we do our new segment
with Erica
what's our new segment
is it about pranks
time traveling
okay sure
na na na na na na
I'm going back in time
yay
uh Erica yes Graham uh in this segment it's very simple if you had Nah, nah, nah, nah. I'm going back in time. Yay! Erica.
Yes, Graham?
In this segment, it's very simple.
If you had one opportunity to travel through time, forwards, backwards, whatever you like.
And you get to come back.
You get to come back.
Yeah. It's not just go back and stay there.
What would you do?
I would possibly go back to this morning
before I came to this show.
No, I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
Oh, you saw that coming.
What would I do?
Like, oh, God, would I do something for humanity
or just to better my own life?
Past guests have,
one has gone back to benefit humanity.
Simon King just went back, he went forward. He went back to do impressions. Simon King just went back.
He went forward.
He went back to do impressions.
He went forward to tell his future self about the past or some shit like that.
It was very convoluted.
How about this?
What I would do is I would take the lottery numbers that just passed.
I would go three days back.
I would play those lotto numbers.
I would win three days back. I would play those lotto numbers. I would win the lottery.
And then I would commit to doing something with a small portion of that money.
How small a portion, Erica?
Are we talking $10, $15?
Coins.
I would go percentage.
I think 2% for humanity.
What if you...
An honest answer.
I wouldn't do this.
Well, maybe I would.
I would be smarter about it.
What if you went back and won like ten lotteries
in a row? Do you think they'd catch on?
They didn't when
Biff Tannen did it.
No, that was gambling.
Lotteries are different.
No, well,
the problem with your scheme is that you would go back first, buy yourself a 7-Eleven, and then win them that way.
That's the problem with your scheme.
When you go back in time, do you just get to go back and then come back to where we are?
Do you got to live there now?
No, no, you get to come back.
No, you get to come back.
Like Back to the Future style.
No, you get to come back.
And reap it. Okay. It's all DeL all delorean based yeah that's our model of but uh we also we were allowing people to travel through space and time yeah sure i think i don't think we really
established many rules well no because that was the one thing we were talking about earlier is
if you go back in time but you do it in vancouver right like somehow you end up in you know in the middle east circa you know the year zero yeah
or when you're like this didn't go at all
just the lotto numbers clutched in your hand what the fuck uh anyone know where i could find a
convenience store yeah but the thing about winning the lottery
and they've done a lot of studies on this is like people who don't have money and don't gradually
earn that money are kind of like they win this money and then they just dwindle it super quickly
they kind of give it away to friends yeah they don't know how to manage it they buy a lot of
stuff in the states when you win the lottery you don't win it all at once. You win it over 20 years. Yeah.
And they start spending like
they're millionaires. Crazy. Yeah.
But they really just won
like $200,000 in the first year.
But I think that the very fact
that I was traveling through time and I
had a plan, that I did technically
earn that money
by going back in time with the winning numbers.
Yeah. Also, when you go back
in time, though, you have no clothes. That was
something that we forgot.
That's a bonus delight people from three days ago
get.
You'd be like, oh, damn it. No shirt, no shoes,
no service. So I would have to remember
the numbers in my head.
You can't go back with anything.
Imagine I just go back three days ago and I'm naked.
Unless you swallow something that's shaped like the numbers.
I don't understand what that means.
Well, because then you can pass it through your body.
It's not important.
Did you hear the story about that...
The guy who traveled through time?
Yes.
There was somebody...
I don't remember what province it was,
but somebody that bought a ticket before the deadline,
but the computer took an extra minute or two to process the ticket.
So then the ticket popped out at like two minutes past midnight or whenever the deadline is.
And so they said your lottery ticket is invalid.
You can't win anything with that ticket.
Your lottery ticket is an invalid.
Yeah, it's an invalid, and it will not be accepted by general society.
Yeah.
But he had the winning ticket.
He had the winning numbers.
And he actually bought it at the right time.
So now he's taking the lotto commission to the court.
I also had the winning ticket, winning numbers,
but they were written on a recipe card.
And I'm also taking the BC Lotto Corporation to court
because I think I have a valid case.
I would have gone down to the store if I wasn't watching Oprah.
It is not my fault.
Did you actually?
No.
No.
Watch Oprah.
Oh, I thought, dear God, Graham, what has actually? No. No. Watch Oprah. Oh.
I thought, dear God, Graham, what has happened?
Yes, I did watch Oprah.
Yeah?
What was that?
The Secret Life of Bees.
About how to communicate with bees.
I like everyone except Dakota Fanning, which is unfortunate because she's...
Nobody likes Dakota Fanning.
...leaning the charge.
Even Dakota Fanning, when she looks in the mirror, does that thing where she smashes
the mirror. Every time where she smashes the mirror
Every time
Why God
Like that other pink video
Don't let me get me
Do we want to
What do we want to do
A crush hat
You know what the crush hat is
No I'm excited
Play the theme
Celebrity crush hat Celebrity Crush Hat.
Crush in the hats.
Celebrity Crush Hat.
Go fuck yourself.
Celebrity Crush Hat.
Chapeau Chinois.
Celebrity Crush Hat.
Crush Hat.
All right, Crush Hat is where you will grab a number at random out of the Crush Hat and
tell us, according to what number you pull, that will be the age that you will tell us what celebrity you had a crush on at that age.
Okay.
You into it?
I'm into it.
All right.
Age seven.
Age seven.
All right.
Was that too early?
Did you have crushes at that age?
Was it a horse?
It was a horse.
It was Camfella.
Ironically enough.
Age seven.
What was I? Grade one?
You were about seven.
Oh, yeah.
I said, what grade was I? Didn't I say that?
Yeah.
It's got to be
celebrity, though.
Because we don't know
Dale Barton. Was it Dale Barton? It was Dale Barton. It's got to be Celebrity, though. Yeah. Because we don't know
Dale Barton.
Was it Dale Barton?
It was Dale Barton.
You can pick another number.
I should, because I don't
remember that part.
I hope it's six.
I hope she talks about Dale Barton.
16.
That is the golden age of celebrity crushes.
Sweet 16.
So 16.
I was in grade 10.
Why did I just say that?
And who was...
You know, it would have had to be Jason Bateman.
Really?
Jason Bateman.
Star of Teen Wolf 2.
Of the Hogan family.
Yes.
Are you, now that you're all grown up, and Jason Bateman also all grown up, and quite successful, still cute?
He is still cute.
Did you see Hancock?
I did see Hancock.
I saw Hancock. Did you see Hancock?
Not yet.
Oh, man, there's a great meatball scene in it.
Oh, man, I made some great meatballs the other day.
You're going to love that movie.
I got seven batches of them.
It relates to you on a personal level uh go on about hancock
uh it's all right i don't want to spoil it yeah well i i already kind of mini spoiled it by saying
that the twist in the movie comes very early on yeah And then it kind of drags for the last chunk.
But, uh, good special effects. Oh, for sure.
Holy bananas. Who's the girl?
Charlize? Charlize Theron,
right. Theron.
Theron. You know, it was okay
for a Saturday afternoon, but you
don't expect a sequel, because
like, nah. Spoiler alert.
Well, no, I mean, Don't go to a movie expecting
a sequel. Ever.
Oh man, I hope there's a sequel
to this. I hope this ending is
open-ended enough. I'm going to go see the public
life of bees after I see this movie.
That's where the bees
go to...
I was going to say take people to court, but that's actually
the plot of a bee story.
Or whatever the fuck that movie is.
Spoiler alert for the six-year-old.
To kill a mockingbird with bees.
Do, are we, is Erica have to leave?
We're out of time.
She's got to go.
You got to go.
I got jujitsu.
Yeah.
High kicks and throws.
No, there's no kicks in jujitsu.
It's pins and joints.
No, but sometimes we do kicks to practice.
Because even though you might be getting out of a hold with your jiu-jitsu moves,
you might have to turn around and kick the person in the face.
Yeah, your legs might be cramping and you might need to kick out of it.
Does anybody ever say hi-yah?
Never.
Okay.
Did anyone?
Well, you also did karate, didn't you?
I did.
Was hi-yah a big thing there?
Did you have team jackets?
You know what?
We did.
The Letterman jackets with the big H on them.
I mostly only say it when...
It has an eagle kicking through a board.
Hi-yah.
There were grunting sounds that kind of sounded like hi-yah in karate.
But mostly they were just greetings when you came to class.
Hi-yah.
Mostly just when I opened the door to get my Chinese food delivery.
Which only was funny once.
So, yeah.
Let's get out of here.
I got a call.
All right.
Well, thank you very much for joining us, Erica.
This was wonderful.
We appreciate it.
Thank you for having me.
You kind of plugged already.
Yeah, but the stuff that's already happened.
Do you have anything in mid to late November?
Mid to late November.
I will be at Heckler's Comedy Club in Victoria, B.C. on Friday, November 21st.
Whatever.
Whatever.
Yeah, Heckler's...
Fun club.
Tea first.
Whatever.
Whatever.
Yeah, Heckler's... Fun Club.
Ask when you're there if they have the...
The Fred Martz bar?
Already ate it.
No, it was a wrap with...
What do you call the poutine?
It was a poutine in a wrap.
They do crazy things.
They had a hot dog wrap when I was there.
You're the weirdest kind of vegetarian, Graham.
I'm the best kind.
I'm the one that everybody should really listen up.
Listen up, veggies.
If you want to contact us, or if you want to be our official American listener,
we haven't, since we mentioned that a couple episodes ago,
that episode hasn't yet aired.
So we're just trying to stoke the fires of that.
Yeah, if you're jonesing
to be the next american our official next american uh listener top well they want to be our official
american listener i'm not sure what the details or the duties of an american listener probably
pledging allegiance a lot yeah uh also listener hilarious pranks that you want to pull off, but
would never have the balls to.
Or the vagina, too.
Stop podcasting yourself
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Yeah.
Also, on the bus.
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But come on back next week for another thrilling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. We're talking hockey night in Canada Don't mess with us, cause we're in Canada
Don't put your mouth on me, I'm Canada We're talking hockey night in Canada
We're talking hockey night in Canada Who's talking hockey night in Canada We're talking Hockey Night in Canada
Who's talking Hockey Night in Canada?
We're talking Hockey Night in Canada
Who's talking Hockey Night in Canada?
He is
She is
We are
Canada
Canada
Batman Canada, Canada, Batman I'm talking hockey night in Canada
Then I'ma get up in your trousers
Then we gon' go to Winford Louder
That's the store from the Drew Carey show
Hope you don't like watching Vancouver
Cause they are barely ever on the show.
I'm talking Hockey Night in Canada, then I'm gonna go see Kung Fu Panda.
It's the story of a panda who learns Kung Fu, and the spirit that dwells inside you.
We're talking hockey night in Canada Game on.