Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 374 - Emmett Hall

Episode Date: May 18, 2015

Emmett Hall returns to talk about bringing rain to Japan, Seinfeld theme covers, and street needles.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 374 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Park and with me as always is a man who lives by his own rules, Mr. Dave Shumka. Well, who else's rules would I live by? Ah, our lord and savior?

Oh yeah, the big guy. The big kahuna? Yeah, Willy Wonka. Who's your lord and savior? The big kahuna? Yeah, Willy Wonka. Who's your lord and savior? You know, I'm like a real fair weather follower. Yes, I'm the same way.

I'll take whatever's in season. Yeah, yeah. It's, you know, sometimes it's, you know, sometimes it's Donald Trump. If I think he's having a good year. And when is he not? He's been right a lot lately. Yeah, and man, following his Twitter account's the best. Yeah.

Because he just retweets people who ask him to run for president. Oh, what if he never dies? Yeah, I bet you there's a Dorian Gray situation going on where there's, well, I guess maybe the picture would be a good looking guy with lots of hair. I'm not sure how. How does that work how does it what's the picture of dorian gray it's uh uh the picture ages but the dude never does yeah the person stays the same age but the person probably has like a cool but like poor poor guy oh yeah this like really nice poor guy who's uh he's got great shape great hair convincing hair um i don't really know is that

a book i guess that's a book yeah yeah i've never read it i just have heard it referenced yeah i'm referencing a reference i heard not great oscar wilde is it oscar wilde oscar wilde wildy there you go was it a play short story i think short story. I could make time for a short story. That's our guest for today. Yeah. Very hilarious comedian, animator, and all around bon vivant, Mr. Emmett Hall. How do you do? How do you do?

My Lord and Savior was Xenu until, you know, Doc came out and I was like, whoa. And you're like, oh, he's actually a bad guy. Whoa. Whoa. I always thought Xenu, like from what I had known of Scientology, that Xenu was like the good guy. It was like their, their, their. Their guy. Their guy.

But no, he's the bad guy. Who is the good guy? Wait, let's get to us. Get to know us. Get to know us. The good guy is L. Ron Hubbard. Oh, he's their prophet? Oh, he's their prophet, all right. In both spellings.

But I haven't had a chance to see the documentary, so I only know kind of little dribs and drabs. Yeah, you're real busy. I got things on the go. Emmett, how's it going? Welcome back. Thank you. What's this character?

You too. Thanks. Taking a breath before we get going. Yeah. You went to Japan for some reason? Yeah, for some reason, guys. Why? Trying to figure that one out.

Where did you go to in Japan? Okay. Tell us the to figure that one out. Why did you, where did you go to in Japan? Okay. Tell us the whole story. All right. In your own time. My own time and my own words. By your own rules. Yes.

And Z-News. I had a month off between contracts and. You're an assassin under the guise of storyboard artist. But yes, um, I had a month off and I had intentions of going somewhere and I proposed to my father and he said,

no, he's, he's weirded out by that. And I was like, let's go to New Orleans and just get to know each other. And then you can decide. I suggested that we go to New Orleans together. Because I've never really gone on a trip with my father before. And that's something that.

And he loves jazz. Yeah, I do too. Two jazz bows yeah that's new orleans yeah new orleans style that's new orleans style yes it's like commercial jingle yeah dixieland yeah manhattan transfer uh 80s sizzler commercial sizzler still around did you see that sizzler the four minute sizzler commercial sizzler still around did you see that sizzler the four minute sizzler music video what like is it for what no it's like propaganda video yeah it's crazy from the 90s about how it's the american dream well i guess it was yeah's, I think it's like five to seven minutes long. Sizzler.

Sorry. Anyway, I suggested that we go to New Orleans. Uh-huh. Uh, he said, okay. But then, uh. Did he have a month off between contracts? My father's an actor, so he's always got time off. Oh.

Ah, there you go. But then his father got sick. Oh. And he said, I got to stick around. Uh. Grandpa Hall's okay. That that's good he's 96 so whatever happens to him is supposed to yeah um anyway my dad said he couldn't go so he said emmett you still go somewhere and i went all right i'm going to new orleans i don't know i bought a ticket to Japan instead.

But I'd weighed some options of some other places to go, and then I thought this would be... What's Japanese jazz like? Not vocal jazz. Okay. You know what? Let's not do that. I thought about asking, and then I was like,

nah, this is going to go weird. So where did you go? Like Tokyo? Yeah, I started in Tokyo. Okay. Four days in Tokyo. And is it so crazy there? It's bananas.

Really? Organized bananas. Yeah. Clean, crisp, graceful bananas. Like is it, I picture that it looks like, uh, like some futuristic. It does.

Is it? It does. It's, it's everything you think it is, uh, plus more, plus a nightmare. What's the nightmare part?

Uh, that it's, everything is happening. Yeah. All the time. And that they're just constantly, things are constantly happening.

Like there's TVs everywhere. There's people everywhere. They're eating all the time. You go into an electronics store, there's a camera on you, and it's on 10 TVs. Yeah. You go into a radio shack, they've got connectors for everything. Yeah, radios that you crank with your hand.

What? They got those Japanese sex hotels I hear about. Yeah, they're called love hotels. Oh, yeah, but they're just for... For like an hour? Yeah. And they are all set up, everything's plastic, easy clean. Yeah, we have those.

We have those? Well, there are motels that do hourly. Oh, yeah? No-tell motels. Oh, wow. But these are like a cleaner yeah yeah no the the north american version is dingy yeah the no tell part is that don't tell them we never clean yeah don't tell them that this is how you got bed bugs um so you were just there by yourself just wandering around in tokyo this was it I ran into some hiccups, guys, in that I bought my ticket one day, and then seven days I went to Tokyo.

Yeah, so you don't know any Japanese. I don't know any Japanese. Oh, I know a little bit. Here, it goes, シンドロクルハイモツヒントクラバットハンシュチュク Which means, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Does it mean anything? It doesn't mean anything That was pretty good

Yeah And I I was going by myself And I don't know Japanese And apparently it's the busiest time of year So everything was booked So finding a place to stay Oh yeah those cherry blossoms

Everyone wants to see them So finding a place to stay was a nightmare And When i went there it rained 75 of the time yeah which was crazy because they um they're like oh no man last week was great yeah of course they called me ame otoko which means rain man the man who brings the rain. Who called you that? Several Japanese people. Because, like, I've had, like, visited, you know, other parts of North America where it's been raining. And since I'm from here, people are like, oh, you brought the rain with you, did you? But it's not as good as whatever Ameo Toko.

Yeah, basically. The bringer of rain. It's so, like, you're my new lord and savior. Yeah, I'm a demon. I'm one of the spirit demons from Spirited Away. Don't know that. I know, animation reference. Okay, go on.

Keep going, keep going. Keep going. Where do I, I gotta backtrack to keep going. So you found a place to stay I found several places to stay But I had to like Stay two nights here Two nights there

Right Like I stayed in one of those Capsule hotels For the first two nights That's Like when you're in What

It's like The cryo chambers That businessmen sleep in Yeah like At night Okay so you go in And there are You

Is it a room is it a giant hall it's a hallway this place i stayed at was three floors of hallways of like 40 capsules which there's uh it's like bunks but not i don't know how do you say this? Not horizontal, but. Vertical? Not vertical. Diagonal? Perpendicular? Yeah, sure. Adjacent? Adjacent to each other.

Yeah. And, uh, so there's, yeah, you're like sleeping in a room along hallway with like 39 other people. Um, but what's the, is it like a pod? Are you enclosed? Um, yeah, it's kind of like a coffin, like a wide, like a roomy coffin. But is your side to the hallway or your feet to the hallway? Your feet are to the hallway.

Oh. And so you pull down a little doorway, uh, and then you're in the whole, basically your whole, the floor of your capsule is all a futon. And then you have a little small TV. Oh, that's all I need. And then what do you do you press a button and it like shoots you out or how do you get out no no there's a button and it sprays in like it's water on your butt no don't be ridiculous it sprays like a sleeping agent

like some kind of uh you guys are laughing because you just don't understand the culture. We're not there yet. You don't understand the culture. We're not there yet. We don't understand the culture, yeah. But how does it,

like, do you, it's a drawer. You're in a drawer. Yeah, kind of. it's, I was,

there's two rows. So there's like a ground floor and then there's a bunk on top kind of thing. Okay. I didn't, I'll just encourage the listener to type

in i think um nine hours capsule hotel i didn't stay there but check that one out that one looks like it's from that movie oblivion where people it's everything's like like a mac store white right okay so what was this what was this one had a little bit more. Who's in Oblivion? I think Tom Cruise. Hmm. Where he's, oh, I should be giving spoilers away. I know that guy. Yeah. I do too, because of Zeno.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have the Rain Man. Yeah. Yeah. So, is it monochromatic, or is there- This one I stayed in was a little bit, they tried to give it a little bit of a natural flair. They kind of had, I think there was kind of a rattan kind of doorways to things. And they had this flute music in the lounge areas. But so the top.

Where do you go to the bathroom? This. Okay. This is all good. All right. Here we go. All right. Let's find out.

Top. This building was seven stories. Top three stories. Of all time. Top, this building was seven stories. Uh-huh. Top three stories. Of all time. Top four stories were, of all time, were all the sleeping units. Okay. And then the first three floors were like, you go into the, okay, you go to the main floor. Uh-huh.

And this is my first place. I get off the train and I'm in Shinjuku, which is a really crazy businessy, uh, entertainment district. But I find my way to the capsule hotel. They're all in the entertainment business. And I, uh, super jet light.

And I go enter. And what you have to do is take your shoes off, put your shoes in a little mini locker, take the slippers out of the mini locker, lock up your shoes, take the key to the front desk. Oh man. Register. They take your key to the front desk oh man register they take your key from your shoe locker give you another key for another locker where you stick

your clothes in but that locker is too small to stick your baggage in so you get another locker for your your big bag then you try to organize enough clothes and coats and toiletries to fit in a little locker and they give you a basket with towels and pajamas oh that's so you go into this locker room get out of your clothes and they sell you back your shoes you change the pajamas then you the second floor is cleaning and bathing and and washing area so that's kind of like is that all futuristic yeah you have it's like uh there's just other guys penises yes there's a lot of a lot of but they're like super futuristic they've got like fins yeah they're more aerodynamic cybernetic accoutrements i'm picturing they're all ex-machina

you know i'm picturing people on a uh conveyor belt and like different things happening to you right it was it was almost a there was it almost is a conveyor belt because you you follow arrows up one side of the stairs while other people are coming down the other side of the stairs you take off your slippers again before you go into the bathing area, which is then there's a whole bunch of sinks. Okay. Full of disposable toothbrushes and toothpaste and lotions and things like that. Disposable toothpaste. Yeah.

Yeah. You just spit it out. When you're done with it, you don't swallow it. You just spit it out. All right. Well, I got all these jars that I. Take them to Japan. Dispose of them.

And then there's another room where there's kind of like communal showers, but it's all sitting down showers. Is it just a low ceiling? Yeah, you have to like crouch. Big plastic couch, everybody's just sitting there getting close to it. Oh, wow.

And there's like a... And this is your like, your first time... When I was in Japan last time, I was one and a half. Right. I don't remember much. But this time, like this is your first exposure to being there. Yes. Did you have, do you have to bathe before you go to bed?

Are you forced? No, but it just, I i just i just felt like i had to follow everyone followed the line of businessmen changing into their pajamas and then uh yeah and then you realize it's 7 p.m it was but i was i'd been on an airplane For like 10 hours And I was feeling gross So I did Shower And then took Or Showered Then you take one of their weird hot tubs

Like what's called an onsen Which is a weird spring bath Okay Then took And then you rinse yourself Off again A weird spring On the third floor

Of a building Yes Then the third floor Is the lounge area Where people Check their phone and drink uh nescafe their phone's so cool yeah man like you can check the internet oh nice download ringtones but are you up in this lounge everybody's in their pajamas everyone's in their pajamas

oh my god great this sounds amazing to me uh and you're yeah so And that third floor is a lounge where there's beers and instant noodles and newspapers and TVs. Pajama beer. Yeah. Oh, that does sound good. Oh, I'm opening a bar. You get pajamas when you walk in. We steal your clothes. So I did all this and then I sat in the lounge and I was like, it is only like eight o'clock at night.

I could go explore. I gonna go explore so you're like get back in line i have to go yeah i have to go back downstairs take my pajamas off put my clothes back on and they didn't make you go up to like all seven floors in the meantime go you must enter your bedroom it did feel like that i got so lost i was like wait like at the end of the night i went to my locker grab my toiletries brush my teeth and i went do i take my toiletries back downstairs the locker before i go to bed or do i take do i have to take another shower i might as well have i don't remember i was so confused and then and is it all automated or are there people manning all of these you wash your wiener back in line uh no there's a robot there's a robot that washes

oh man i'm laughing but it's just it's just the way they do it it's nervous laugh yeah yeah yeah we're we're embarrassed that we're not more cultured. Uh, yeah. And then the next morning the, you can have their complimentary breakfast, which is shitty vending machine, Nescafes and garbage buns, which is just the sweetest, uh, doughiest, sugariest, uh, packaged, uh, croissants. Right. But like, if you went out to a restaurant, what would they have for breakfast there? Yeah. What is Japanese breakfast?

There's everything there. It's. But like traditionally. Yeah. I mean. They have like. You were there 12 days. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I kept on. I don't know. I got nervous about food there because I got like stomach aches from the food like half a dozen times. Really? So spicy. I don't know.

No, I just went to the wrong places. Yeah. Because that's my style. Did you have like, did you talk to anybody who had been there before that could at least point you like, oh, you got to go see this? You should have brought Anthony Bourdain. He's got no reservations. Yeah. I did watch that No Reservations and I watched the Parts Unknown. point you're like oh you gotta go see this you should have brought Anthony Bourdain he's got no reservations yeah I did watch that no

reservations and I watched the parts unknown um he didn't have to stay in a capsule hotel he stayed at a really nice place but like wouldn't

you if you were doing a tv show about Tokyo wouldn't you want to stay in a capsule hotel I don't understand why there aren't capsule hotels over on this

side of the pond they're trying to implement it because I'm I'm into it. That, to me, sounds great. But, like, it makes sense as a traveler, like, on your own. But if you are in a couple or if you're in a family. Do they have couple pods?

No, no, it's all men in this. But also. Men only. Men only. But also, like, any time that I've had to travel for business, it's been, like, stay at this pretty good hotel. Yeah. I don't, as novel as it was, I don't recommend staying in the capsule hotel.

It was so, it was so stressful and I felt like I was being rude the whole time, like doing everything wrong. Yeah. And then. That's part of the experience. Especially that country. the experience especially that country um but um also that doesn't stop people from like you're in a room of 40 people you're gonna hear somebody snore oh absolutely and you're gonna hear people coming like go up yeah yeah yeah and it's like staying in you know it's like it's like a futuristic hostel yeah but then i stayed at a regular old hostel two nights later.

And then you were like, please go back to the hotel. I remember going to like camp. Yeah. But like we would go with school or summer camp and there would be cabins with like 10 kids in them. But I remember once we went in this, we stayed in this like giant like long house. Yeah. And there were like 10 kids in them. But I remember once we went in this, we stayed in this like giant, like law long house. Yeah. And there were like 60 kids in there. Fun.

And, but like lights out, everyone's supposed to be asleep. And then you just hear one kid do a giant fake fart and everyone loses it. Um, I feel like that you should have been that guy. Yeah. Doing a fake fart. Hey guys Were there any other North Americans There were a few yeah just as confused as I was

Did you all go hmm Did you make eyes at each other From like across the shower 24 people down the line Just waving at them Or in the lounge Where do we karaoke Do I just go up and sing

Is this karaoke? Is this karaoke? Just walking all over town. According to the menu being like, karaoke. Karaoke. So you stayed in just a regular old grungy hostel. Well, the hostel is fine as well as hostels can be, but that doesn't change the fucking nightmare of like opening the door at 1am. Yeah.

Creeping in. Creeping in. Yeah. But as soon as you open the door, you feel the heat of like 10 other people just hit you. And then I kid you not, that room had 10 people that could fit in it. Yeah. Nine of them were snoring. Oh Yeah. Nine of them were snoring. Oh, really?

Nine of them were snoring. Maybe at different intervals and different times. Yeah, yeah. But it was just a den of dragons. It was so, it was just. That's my favorite in the Song of Ice and Fire. Yeah. Oh, man.

It was, so I didn't have good sleeps the first four nights the thing about uh the worst part about hostels in my uh extended experience is uh people rooting through their stuff in the middle of the night trying to find a thing the second night i was there um i think i guess these guys had landed that day from i think they're portuguese so they traveled very far so they would have been up till four in the morning down in the kitchen yeah they came in to the room at four in the morning just swinging the door wide open flicking on the lights yeah uh talking to each other almost at full volume rifling through their bags trying to organize their bedding it at 5 a.m and then reading with from their phones talking to each other 20 minutes later realizing they can't fall

asleep so getting out of bed. I miss Portugal. Putting their clothes back on. Let's go do a puzzle. Yeah, it was. Let's see if there's any soccer on TV. The worst part for me in the hostel is when you accidentally see someone naked. Yeah, well, yeah, that'll happen.

Man or woman in it. Then you make it. You're like, you have eye contact with them. Well, yeah, that'll happen. Man or woman, isn't it? Then you make, you like, you have eye contact with them. No, I have many. This is just a fever dream you're having.

Yeah. Pardon me. I changed in the bathroom like a civilized human being. There's many naked encounters with gentlemen at the capsule hotel. Well, yeah. You're gang showering. Yeah. And also, it's a dude-only complex, so guys are just letting it hang out. Yeah.

They're just having a... It's like a man cave. What is it called, the man cave? Mano cave. Did you stay anywhere that you would say... This guy knows how to make words. Yeah. Did you stay anywhere you'd say was nice, like that you enjoyed?

Because it sounds very nightmarish so far. It was just part of a system. When I went to Kyoto for three days and I had... Wouldn't it be funny if all the cities in Japan had to have those five letters in them? Yeah. Just a different combination. This is U-T-K-Y-O. If you told me that was a city in Japan, I'd believe it.

I stayed in cute for a little while. It was awful. It was ugly. No, Kyoto, I had my own hotel room, but it was just a hotel room. Yeah. It wasn't anything. A best Western style. Yeah, kind of.

Yeah. Did you see anything cool and like you know outside of the hotels or was this just hotel hotel based travel i was just so tired the hotel oh it's a whole nother time zone yeah and the nescafe's and and ramen noodles are free in the capsule hotel i just kind of hung out sure i went and saw a bunch i saw a bunch of stuff i we don't have time to go into all this yeah we gotta get to each other what no no no no we got all the time in the world when you hear what we've got up our sleeves yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly um like did you see anything that blew your mind uh i went to the north and i stayed in a city called kanazawa all right which uh had like we used to be the ancient

one of the richest cities back in the ito period okay before uh oj simpson was let off the hook yeah so like 1989 uh so they had a castle and samurai yeah 1989 uh but yeah that up there they had i guess they came into a fortune of gold and had lots of access to great fishing and stuff. So it was a really fancy castle. Goldfish. Goldfish. Yeah. Koi.

The one Japanese learned. Koi. I just kept on asking for koi and karaoke. A glass of koi with my karaoke dinner yes arigatou gozaimasu uh but there's an amazing

botanical garden that was beside the castle that on the after like five or six days of pouring rain it finally cleared up

ah yeah but like it's just it is did you have fun while you yeah you seem miserable yeah it seemed like you did not have fun on this were you haunted i was haunted by myself yeah by the demons that grow the akuma oh yeah for the demon that grows ever stronger within my solitary soul um no i had i mean i had a, I'm glad I went, but I did have a lot of like existential crisis staring at like, especially in Tokyo when you just see 130, okay, this

is a country of 130 million people and they all have toilets that plug in. Plug in? Like their toilets have remote controls. They don't all have them. Just, there's an, I mean, there's toilets everywhere.

That's what I did like going to the country. You know why? That's what I did like going to the country. Everyone poops. Yeah. At every subway station

there's like access to toilets. That's great. Oh, that is great. It's, I, I,

um, for as alienated as I felt there, I totally got, I was like, oh man, you guys, you guys got it figured out i'm like i'm totally on the same page of being like quiet and considerate yeah respectful

but also like something around but then but it's all you know mired and deep-rooted like shame yeah self-consciousness and and a fear of a confrontation and conflict i'm like yeah i get it i get it you guys figured it out and made it of confrontation and conflict. I'm like, yeah, I get it. I get it. And you guys figured it out and made it really beautiful. And they're like, could you please say that quieter, please? Sorry. I'm talking so loud on the subways. Sorry.

The salary man is trying to sleep. I watch, you mentioned Spirited Away. Hi. That's a studio Ghibli. Ghibli, yep. I watched a Netflix documentary about about them did you have you seen it uh is it the one is competing directors i don't know i fell asleep okay i haven't seen it but i've heard about it um who's the their big there's hayo miyazaki yeah that guy yeah uh and he uh it was just about like their daily process.

And then it is like so serene. He's like in his seventies. And at the end of the day, he goes back to his house and it's just like a five minute montage of him closing curtains. Oh, wow. That's pretty good. Like I fell asleep at like 10 o'clock at night to that. And Abby, like, I don't really care about those movies. I've seen Spirited Away, but not any of the others.

And Abby's seen them all. And even she was like, this is too much to stay awake for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of curtain stuff. I don't know if I'm going to get around to it then. But yeah, have you like, because I'm going to get around to it then. But yeah, because I've gone on a holiday by myself, and you

think it's going to be fun, but it's not. It never is because after a couple days, you're like, yeah, this is just me in a different city. I don't know. I have mixed feelings about it because you get to decide all the decisions yourself.

And you get to decide when you don't want to do something. That's true. Go somewhere else. But I was the bickering couple on a trip. Like where I would go, well, where are we going to eat? I don't know. I'm looking for a place right now. Well, I'm hungry now.

Well, do you want to eat something good or do you want to eat something now? Fine. Let's just find a place. Then we go find a place. now well i'm hungry now well do you want to eat something good or do you want to eat something now fine let's just find a place then we go find a place me and myself and it would be closed oh and then i and this is here's the irony too i had a list um my friend who's a very fancy chef is friends with another fancy chef here in vancouver um they They work at Fancy's? No, they make Fancy Feast. Yes. He makes gourmet cat food. There's got to be a chef who that's their job. And they wear the hat. And they're in Japan.

Everything is in Japan, trust me. That is in Japan, making gourmet delectable meals for their people. What did you mean when you said everybody had a toilet that plugs in? I'm saying that the seats are heated and you press electric buttons to flush and they have electric buttons for like bidet and spray and heat and, and dry. Ah, I like that. So what I was saying, my toilet, here's what the, the greatest thing about it is, and I installed this, it's the seat.

It doesn't slam down. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You close it, it just goes like, it takes eight seconds. Oh, that's great. I timed it. Is it an electrical thing? No, it's just the hinge. Cool.

Nice. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Cool. Nice. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. This is also, they have buttons to press of running water, or like flushing sounds so they don't hear you piss.

Oh. Oh, but it's just an audio. Yeah. I would want like La Cucaracha. I would want like a sound of vomiting. I was just peeing. Yeah. I was vomiting, but you didn't hear it it wasn't my

vomit you were hearing um so yay japan yes you know what i would go back uh i feel like we just caught you at a time when you couldn't be enthusiastic no i'm just not an enthusiastic person and i'm at a phase in my life where I'm, there's a lot of self-loathing. Oh, damn it. But, but we self-love you.

Yeah. There should be more self-love. Then I have to overcompensate for all that self-love. Right. Anyway, guys, that's a whole other, that's a whole other podcast.

But, uh, uh, what podcast is that? It's my diary. Audio diary. i guess i'd listen to that on my solo trip to japan yeah like i said i'd go back and i saw amazing things and i and i um um i don't know i related to the culture in a lot of amazing ways and i it wasn't i i met people a few people yeah i had some friends of friends that live there okay um you're a friend of a fancy chef yes oh yeah that's

this so that story i have a fancy chef friend who lives in souk okay open up a new restaurant guys go check it out it's called wild mountain and he just opened it's It's in Souk? It's in Souk. Okay. It's gourmet. It's great. Anyway, he's friends with a Farmer's Apprentice guy. The Farmer's Apprentice is the fanciest current place in Japan. Oh, I literally thought he was friends with a Farmer's Apprentice. No, no, no. And I don't think they do that on farms. Anyway, that guy, this guy who runs the Farmer's Apprentice, he was just recently in Japan, gave a list to my friend to give to me of all the places I should go in Tokyo.

Oh, they were all closed. They were all closed or they were all like $200 a meal or they had a lineup around the block. Right. And then I'd go, oh, fuck, I'm hungry now. I can't. I'll just walk around the block and then eat like grilled chicken underneath a bridge. No reservation. Chicken

under a bridge. In the pouring rain. I don't ever want to feel. I injected it into my veins. I weigh 600 pounds now. Injected grilled chicken into my mouth. It's just the saddest.

Like just a skewer of chicken just on a street corner under a bridge. Wish you were here. The postcard? Yeah. Just a picture of miserable emmet yeah i do yeah i i've traveled on on my own as well and it is sort of like at least you get to save money on like well this is the uh uh the lowest thing i could put up with yeah so yeah but i wouldn't want to oh yeah but the problem was even if i wanted to treat myself it was like closed yeah yeah uh i don't know yeah but then you go like if you go to like a whatever like a museum or something like that then you kind of look like you realize like oh yeah you kind of have to do that with somebody else no museums are great because you can decide how

long you want to look at something or read something. Yeah. That's true. You can really motor through. Yeah, or motor through or take your time. Or like, oh, well, I got nothing else going on today. Yeah, I guess I'll just stare at this painting for another 10. It's sort of like I did a backpacking trip in Europe, and it was like four months long when I was 21.

And, like, I saw The Sum of All Fears starring ben affleck oh yeah i saw uh the star wars movie that came out that year i started that saw that woody allen movie with helen hunt in it oh geez i can't even remember what that is as good as it gets might have been the no no sorry no yeah um we could have been the curse of the jade scorpion oh yeah that's maybe right um oh wow yeah no it was uh a lot of like well it's uh i got enough money to kill two hours this way oh man yeah i also had a uh they were like because i did it in london i was in london for a batch of time and uh you wake up and then you're like yeah you know go down to the hostel shower and then you're like i'll just stay in bed i think for another

couple hours and the city's so expensive at least in rome you're like well uh the water fountains are free and apparently the water is really good and there's got so many of them yeah just scoop out your day day's worth of money from the bottom of the fountain yeah yeah this is what people's love wishes yeah oh yeah that'd be a fun thing to go to one of those lock bridges you know like people oh yeah and just by yourself just yeah or just go there with bolt cutters just walk around that'd be more like a just for laughs gag but uh still pretty good. Good gag. Good visual. I did. I think I even tweeted this was the idea of like, you know, traveling the world.

Yeah. And people say like, oh, you just meet so many interesting people and culture, but it's kind of like, if you're an English speaker, you're traveling the world. It basically, you can just save yourself the trouble and drunkenly like mitigate your generalizations about where you're from. Good tweet. With somebody else from like in broken English. Right. You know what I mean?

Yeah. You just have, I just had the same conversation in horrible broken English with a dozen people. Yeah. I do find it uncomfortable when you meet someone who learned English as an adult because they learned it from someone who swore a lot. So they swear so casually. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I did. It was three months in Denmark for school, and they just swear after every second word. Like, oh, the fucking mouse on this computer doesn't work. Don't worry about it. And you're like, I just ordered a Big Mac. Yeah, like the one group of people that I find that no matter where you go, they seem to be having the greatest time as Australians.

Oh, yeah. No matter what country you go to, there's an Australian guy that's having the exact opposite time you're having. He's met a bunch of friends. He's gone and seen the local sports team. Yeah, I guess so. He's got into it in a big way.

He's on speed. Yeah, he's doing all sorts of local drugs. That's what else I liked about Japan is just how everyone's so self-aware, just like me, just like constantly catching yourself. just like constantly catching yourself but but feeling like an imposition at all times being like i'm sorry you have to appease me with my language even though right i'm from the other side of the world i'm coming to you right and that's a weird thing as an english speaker is that everyone's constantly like okay let's come down to your level yeah here we go dumb dumb i'll speak some english for you but have you ever tried in another language like to muddle by it's yeah i mean the thing is when i

oh they are so appreciative yeah when i tried to use the japanese the few japanese words i learned they were like oh man yeah thanks thanks buddy when i tried to explain how um i learned the word for witch when i was explaining Geddy Lee to a guy at a bar. He's kind of like a witch? Yeah, like a majo. He's like, what? And then I showed him a picture of Geddy Lee. He's like, oh, majo.

Majo, ha. Yeah, that's great. Abby's parents lived in Vietnam for three years and China for five years. And they learned some of the language and it came in really handy to know when people were talking about them. Oh yeah, sure. It's like you, you, you know, and they didn't live in like touristy places. So it's like, they're the only white people in the city.

Right. Yeah. So they know when people are talking about them. That's, uh, but do they know what they're saying about them? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know that I'd want to know.

Like, oh, we love these foreigners. So glad. So glad to have them aboard. Yeah. I just, I don't know. Although people always say that about English speakers. Like, oh, they'll just be appreciative that you tried to speak their language. But if you are here and you're engaged with someone trying to speak English and they're not good at

it, it's frustrating. Oh yeah, you have no patience. And you, you, it's not like you know their language. No, of course not. But like, uh, uh,

yeah. Like, did you ever get that where you really are good at pronouncing a couple of words and then they just launch into a whole sentence and

you're like, no, no, no. Hey man, I, I, I would answer, I, uh, one guy asked if i was lost i went hi i just said that properly he's like oh oh maybe you're not oh you speak japanese no no no no yeah okay you just pronounce hi so well yeah yeah um i i i'm always really proud of myself When someone asks me for directions When I'm in another city I'm like wow I do look like I'm from Toronto

I'm really pulling this off Yeah when I'm in like the Okanagan or something Yeah Never anywhere exotic And then you give them directions Even though you don't know where the fuck they're going Hey you want to go south a couple blocks? Oh yeah.

Just follow the sun. I've burned a lot of people up that way. That is a country I'd like to go to though. Japan. I recommend it. I'd say there's never a safer place I've been. Like that Tokyo has 30 million people in it and you could walk. And 20 million of them are cops.

They leave their doors unlocked during the day. Their shelf beds? Yeah. Drawer beds? Yeah. Do those lock? Yeah, people could have stolen anything I had. Oh yeah, do your beds lock?

Can someone come into your bed? Yeah. Weird. The Geddy Lee. Yeah. I'm kind of a witch man. Yeah, wake up next to a Lee. Yeah. I'm kind of witch man. Yeah. Wake up next to a witch.

Uh, they got like, like I said, it's like, um, it's like figured out how to be perfect humans to a nightmare level. Like where you feel like, ah,

like I'm like everything. I, if I break away from the routine, I'm just like screwing up everything. Like just going on the train without having wrapped up my umbrella. Right. Oh yeah. Closing off.

It's like, no, that's, everything's falling apart now. What if you ruin Japan? I may have. Like you were agent zero. They're constantly. What's the Japanese word for neurosis? Shigeki is, I think that's stimulation. I was trying to explain. Close enough. I was trying to explain like what Tokyo was like. And I, and I learned the word Shigeki. Shigeki is um i think that's stimulation i was trying to explain enough i was trying to

explain like what tokyo was like and i and i learned the word shigeki yeah wow um yeah man i feel like i was there with you yeah yeah yeah i'm but i'm glad i wasn't i know as i said it was it's that that country is such you can... That city specifically, Tokyo, is just... So much going on. There's so many things happening. Everyone's... There's a hair salon. Every third store, there's...

There's... That was the whole thing. There's so much going on. There's a hair salon. Everyone goes to it. 30 million people go to one hair salon. No, there's a hair salon in every block plus a french cuisine plus vending machines plus a gigantic screen blaring beer commercials yeah

wow and and everything like i didn't see us i saw two bums yeah time i was wondering like where does the madness where's the madness you go and like, public transit, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. No, people dress up to go on public transit. Really? People are better dressed on public transit than they are on the street. It's just. It's all fascinating.

I know. That's why I was fascinated by it, but I was so confused. But there must be some outlet. I've seen these guys. I guess the outlet is like the weird. Big fat guys in like diapers that just go at it. Those are their babies. Oh my God.

They have Benjamin Button problem there. Okay. Where they give birth, but it's fat. It's a full grown fat guy. Yeah. I think their outlet is like tentacle porn. Oh, yeah. Tentacle porn.

Sorry. Oh, yeah. There it is. Well. Everything that comes with that, I guess. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I read a book once about this American reporter who lived in like uh lived in tokyo and like investigated the yakuza oh yeah pardon my french yeah um and it was all uh he was fascinated with like

the they have to blur out all the porn stuff but there's tons and tons of it and like the sex trade is uh like like huge but there's these weird rules huh yeah it's uh there's lots of bars where you get you go and just get complimented by beautiful yeah and you just have like you hang out with someone for the night and that's really i mean that doesn't sound at all terrible that sounds great just go to a bar. Oh, Graham. You mean well. That's not a compliment. Why is this lady talking down to me? Oh, your intention seems sincere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You mean well. Yeah, you're good. Oh, you grew out of being a fat baby very well. Yeah. You mean well. you grew out of being a fat baby very well yeah i want to open the place where the backhanded compliment yeah you yeah you've got a lot of you know spunk oh it was pretty good for a man of your stature Oh, so good Dave, what's going on with you? Well, I subscribe to this service here In Canada, we didn't have Spotify for the longest time

We have it now, but I've already subscribed to this service called RDO I'm a title guy myself Oh yeah, title, until the end Oh yeah Do you know title? No It's Jay-Z's streaming service Oh yeah, yeah title okay yeah yeah um i heard it's doing great yeah well i've heard mixed mixed things that it's it's only doing badly because uh apple

is burying it and i also heard that it's uh constant mentioning of its competitors like boosted it up boosted the competitors yeah yeah because they're like we're competing with spotify and then people are like yeah what's oh yeah what's the spotify cheaper yeah uh but i use rdo and uh it's great for uh especially now that we have the baby when we're like oh let's uh you know play this song and dance and sing to her uh and the other day i was uh uh i wanted to play the family ties theme song uh by johnny mathis and denise williams sure uh without us what do we do baby without us there it is uh someone that alan fick didn't? He did not. Okay. I believe it was written by Jeff Barry of Greenwich and Barry.

And so we were listening to that, and I saw it on, I saw the Johnny Mathis version, and then I saw this version by TV Toonsters, and I was like, oh, I just want to listen to more TV theme songs. So I was like, I assume that's what TV Toonstars is it's just a compilation of theme songs and it's not well it is but it's not the originals and so we were listening to like

two or three of them and who is this for? it's for Dave and I was like we listened to like The 90s TV theme songs

And the first one Was 30 something And we didn't We didn't know The theme song to that We never watched it Because we weren't Yuppies

What was What were the Theme songs in the 90s There weren't very many Of course there were Were there The next one Was Doogie Howser there weren't very many of course there were uh the next one was um uh doogie hauser and that's

just uh do do do do do do it's just keyboards sure and so we were like it doesn't sound quite right but it could be and then uh it's tv tunes done by tone deaf people. Who are these TV tunes? And then the Baywatch theme song came on. And that's got a dude singing the total generic rock singer guy. Isn't it? It's Hasselhoff, isn't it?

It can't be Hasselhoff. I don't think it's Hasselhoff. I'll be ready. I'll be ready. and we couldn't we still couldn't tell like is this is this the original yeah it sounds a little off but uh so the next song was the the theme from the simpsons and that's when we knew yeah because it was like a generic choir going, and then my favorite was Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Oh, it was a different guy? It was a choir.

Yeah. It was like this clearly white dude sing rapping. Wow. And then the Seinfeldfeld theme came on which was like it wasn't all acapella no it was like like keyboard slap bass and then i was like well let's see because when, then I searched RDO for just the Seinfeld theme and there were like 50 non-original covers that were just like, they sounded so different from each other. Like none of them, they were all basically like, but they couldn't even call themselves covers. Like they were, like if I was doing a sound alike parody and I didn't want to pay for the original rights.

Yeah. But I still wanted to call the track Seinfeld. But what? Who's listening to this? And who's making it? I was just going to say that there's obviously money in it somewhere. Yeah. For enough people to make 40 versions.

A guy who has two minutes and a keyboard but then what i don't know to what end though like oh you gotta hear my version of the seinfeld thing yeah my interpretation yeah yeah oh i'm working on the caroline in the city opening did that have a theme song maybe not probably i yeah i don't remember it but now the 90s had so many things i guess they did but i'm just thinking of like it was the era where they phased out uh they would have like an er would be like a 12 second yeah that was it uh friends was kind of the last stand of the full like with like lyrics and stuff oh you're saying oh when people sing

yeah yeah yeah yeah like uh cause then after that there was no more yeah the big like uh thing in the 2000s was lost cause that wasn't even a song it was just like a tone right yeah that was the sort of like

the beginning of the end did were there any covers of the law and order theme yeah yeah that seems like something that i mean if people are making keyboard versions of something might as well ryan beal does an amazing version of he's added words to law and order oh yeah are you ready for law are you ready for order yeah are you ready what how does it go are you ready for law are you ready for order it's funny when you watch shows over and over and you and they don't have lyrics how you're like madman

madman i have uh indiana last name john pretty good um so you've discovered thousands and thousands that was it that was tv cover mostly of seinfeld that's weird it's very weird to me. I was, is there old night court? Probably. That one's great. That was, yeah, I didn't.

Slap bass wise. Oh yeah. Yeah. Bunk ding. Ding, ding, ding, ding,

ding. Now we're going to watch a night court. Do, do, do, do. Marky Post. What's going on with you?

See, see, see how little is going on that's embarrassing um a couple of things i uh i found today a giant pile of fucking needles on the corner of my street like knitting needles like yeah and i was like What the fuck? And then you saw A giant sweater Yeah You know Heroin needles Used Or grilled chicken

Syringes Yeah that's true Oh boy Injecting it with With salty Goodness Do they use Syringes in cooking?

Like to inject Ivan Drago with Turkey basters and stuff Chipotle. Yeah. I could see it. I could see it being a gross thing that somebody would do, you know, in the fancy gastronomic chef thing.

We shot up a turkey with so much sriracha. Yeah, you have to tie off its wings. Anyway, so I thought that was gross Cause there's like kids In the neighborhood and stuff No it's not gross It's fine But like

How many needles? There was at least Four or five So someone just Dropped them there? Dropped the needles But they were all used That was the

Thing But like Do you think Like someone was using them In their house And then they were like Well Just threw it out the window But like It's you think like someone was using them in their house and then they were like, well. Just throw it out the window? It's not safe to have them indoors.

They don't throw them out all at once or like they don't throw them out individually. They've just sort of been piling up. Yeah, that's, yeah, I got to clean up. My parents are coming. Yeah. They hate seeing my heroin lifestyle. They accept it They just don't want to see it

Yeah So I found a rake And a flower pot I raked it in the flower pot Threw away the flower pot I see a lot of used condoms in my neighborhood Yeah that's in the neighborhood But at least if you step on that

It's not going to go through your fucking shoe or whatever. I mean, foot baby. Oh, is that a Japanese denim? You guys are laughing. But it's a cultural thing. Foot baby. I didn't know it was pregnant with a foot baby. Oh, yeah, that's a TLC show

Waiting to happen I I Stepped in a toilet And gave birth In a toilet And the toilet Was plugged in

To Japan Yeah Do you think They're spying on us Through our toilets I I want that Electric toilet

It is great I'm tired of my My toilet Borders on Medieval When I think about it But we just can't I want that electric toilet. It is great. I'm tired of my, my toilet borders on medieval when I think about it. But we just can't live in a world where we have 130 million plug-in toilets. Why not? Because it's,

that's where Godzilla comes in. Are there as many toilets as there are people? Is that what you're saying? There's got to be more. There's got to be like two toilets for each of us here. Two toilets for every guy. No, I don't think so.

In North America? Yeah. Yeah, I would say it's, I would say on average probably it's two toilets. Okay, everyone write us, write in with the amount of toilets for you. Yeah, but in your house or your apartment and then at work and then think about public bathrooms yeah it's there's there's billions of toilets yeah that's true there are billions of toilets um and then the other thing that i would give up for plug-in toilet i would what electronic stuff should I give up? My phone, TV, my computer.

Yeah, I would give up all of those things to have an electric toilet. My job, my car. My electric girlfriend. I don't own a car, and I'd give it up. Yeah, I would give up, you know, I don't know. I'd give up something. You know, microwave. I'd give up a microwave to have an electric toilet.

I'd cook everything on the stove. I'd have an electric toilet well I mean look everything in the stove but the thing that on the toilet while I'm doing it but the thing is in the toilet boil it in the toilet is that a Japanese game show boil it in the

toilet I like it's like a boil in a bag thing and you just throw it in your toilet, and you go to work. When you come home, it's all ready. It's very clean. Yeah. It's self-cleaning.

Plus that boiling water. Yeah, boil it in the toilet. Pretty good. Yeah, I guess with a plug-in toilet, it could have a heater in there. Yeah. It could have everything in there. Yes. It could play songs.

It could say good morning you could play songs could say good morning to you could say thank you when you're done thanks get a celebrity voice like ways giving you directions yeah oh they came up with it and said, oishi. That means delicious. Yeah. Oishi. I'm Will Forte, and this is the last toilet on Earth. I do voices. Yeah.

And, like, that becomes a part of promoting your movies. You have to record a toilet greeting. Marvel's Avengers toilet greetings? Yeah. Oh, way to smash it. I'm the Hulk. Marvel Ruffalo's in your toilet. You can get Angela's ashes.

Yes. Like an Irish guy. Yeah, something very sad. Cartoons for the kids. Something romantic for the kids. Something romantic for the ladies. So that happened. And then this other thing happened.

I've never had this happen before, but I feel like I'm surprised that it doesn't happen more often. So you raked up these needles, sorry to interrupt, but I don't, are we done? Yeah. Yeah. But like, did you pick them up or did you rake them down a drain? No,

I raked them into a flower pot and then I threw the flower pot away. Oh, okay. Yeah. Uh, you're, um, you're a guy making a difference.

Yeah. I'm a member of the community. And then I was at a drugstore and I was waiting in line And some person's kid Just started hugging my leg And would not let go And I was like, oh, this kid thinks I'm his dad or something Like, he's not paying attention to whose leg

I've done that Yeah, that's what I thought it was I've done that too I've looked down at the kid and been like Okay, hi, I'm not your dad And the kid wouldn't stop And the mom was busy with two other kids. Keep it in your pants, mom.

Well, she, I think she was just. Use one of these street condoms. I think she was just happy. Keep it in your shoe. That the kid. Keep it in your shoe. I think she was just happy that the kid was not running around. Like, okay, he's anchored there. Wouldn't this stranger. Wouldn't happy that the kid was not running around like okay he's anchored there

when this stranger will just leave the kid there anyway so that was a weird thing that i haven't had happen before but i could see it being a thing i'm the youngest of four kids and uh all the other kids are two years apart and i'm four years younger than my sister yeah and it's always been kind of a running joke that like uh i was an accident or a or a last-ditch effort right um but uh when you see someone with three children that are like two four and six you're like oh why would they want a fourth one right now like at least you yeah you got them to an age where they were like kind of taking care of each other yeah like well let's see i have to hold the hands of all three of them and i only have two hands yeah and uh yeah like the

mom did this kid like i literally i walked to the uh till and with the kid on my leg oh you did you walked around with it yeah i had no choice this kid wouldn't let go you could should have left well i was about to and then i was like trying to shake him off like i was like okay did you say anything no boy or girl little boy and he wasn't of uh you know like he was probably like two so he wasn't talking okay uh but she didn't like she really wasn't like leave leave the man alone or anything like that she was just kind of like as i was walking at the door like bye bye extra kid and you got on your bike and pedaled away with the kid and some of those guys had one of those foot babies look at that doesn't even know it i uh i remember uh i don't know how i remember this uh being a kid and like

being lost in a drugstore and uh finally making it to an aisle where i saw my dad and then just like being so glad that i saw my dad that I grabbed the leg of the man who I was next to. And my dad was there. He's like, that's not, I'm not him. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I thought was happening. But this kid was just like, you're, you're new dad.

You're, you're my new dad. Oh boy. I have, I have corduroy memories of that guy. And caviar dreams. Oh man. Should we move on to overheards? Yeah, why not? After these messages.

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Subscribe right now on iTunes or to MaximumFun.org. Overheard. Overheard. The segment in which we, the people, and you, the people, we all share in the crazy things we've overheard. Now, Emmett, you know we like to start with the guest are you ready yes i guess i do have one i was recently rifling through this is in canada yes this is in canada i don't have any from uh japan i'm sorry um this is like an overseen of an overheard you're alive on bumper stumpers

it's my dad i gotta go can't believe you didn't come knock on the door i'm not sure the microphones picked up that horn but i hope it did. It was great. Basically, this is like an overseen of an overheard that I had directed at me from like 15 years ago. So this is kind of complicated. I was rifling through old papers from my closet and I came across a list of, I guess, ideas for standup material I had as maybe a teenager. for standup material I had as maybe a teenager. And one of them was a true to life experience, which was, I think it was,

I was walking down the sidewalk and someone either cut me off in a car or on a bicycle. And I expressed, geez. And they responded with, no, you geez. Yeah, pretty good. In the moment, you know, what can you hope for? I mean, anytime I interact as a pedestrian with a car driver, I feel like I'm talking to a celebrity.

um yeah have you ever uh have you ever been at a loss for like you know somebody's cut you off or something like that when you're walking in an intersection uh-huh and you don't have like and then you just kind of like you can't get any swears out or anything well okay yeah yeah hey. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, geez. Oh, thanks. Back me up on that. Everybody around me. Yeah, exactly. Well, you just, uh,

you flummoxed, you know, in the, in the moment. Yeah. There's a, uh, intersection,

uh, near my house where, uh, uh, it's a crosswalk. And so cars are supposed to stop and nobody does. And then it's two lanes. So everyone stops in

the people who actually stop in the left lane uh people will just go around them and jesus and it happens all the time and uh uh uh and now that i have a baby it's like people feel terrible when they almost run over a baby yeah that's true it's like yeah you've been around long enough yeah this one's just brand new and then like the the car that actually stopped for you will be like a lot of bad drivers around here yep you're one of the good ones buddy as you're holding up traffic well i mean i'm a i'm human being. I'm entitled to cross the street. I guess so. Dave, do you have an overheard? What's my carbon footprint? Keep it in your shoe.

Yeah. What's your foot, baby? Um, I do have an overheard. Yeah. Uh, I was at the, uh, uh, uh, I parked my car at the library downtown and, uh, there's always a lot of, uh, parents with children. Yeah. Uh, the library is great cause it's a good place for children and homeless people to meet.

Yeah. Yeah. Cultural exchange. Going on to some legs. Yeah, yeah. Going on to some new exciting legs. So that day it had hailed a lot here. Okay.

And it was kind of a freak storm because like if we we get hail we get it for two minutes yeah but it was hailing all day like at different times uh and uh there was like a six-year-old girl with her dad and i was in the elevator with them and uh she was talking about how crazy hail is and uh she said that she said that, uh, uh, Charlotte says, uh, that, uh, it,

you know, it, in some, sometimes if it hits you, it bloods. And the dad was like, uh, uh,

it, the hail. And she was like, yeah, it doesn't go through your, if it hits your arm, it won't go through your arm, but it can blood.

And the dad said, uh, said uh okay uh let me think how do i answer that uh yeah i mean you got the elements there yeah it's like well what do i start with uh whether that's true or not or do i correct your conjugation yeah boy uh, lucky day for me to have you. That day I got to explain hail to my kid. Left her on that bum's leg. Yeah, I got to have the talk. Oh, yeah, that must be hard. Explaining hail?

I wouldn't know how to do it i mean if you're not uh if you are uh single parents two sets of single parents deciding who gives who the talk i would do that in the divorce settlement i'd be like you can have the car but also you have to talk to them about some people don't even get married graham oh that's true that's true i guess it's 2015 i would negotiate that during the sex. Yeah. Some people do it without even having sex, Dave. Oh, yeah, that's true.

I negotiate that with the scientists. Is it always a lab coat? What do you mean? When you're making a baby in vitro. Is it always a lab coat? Yeah. What do you mean? Somebody shows making a baby in a uh in vitro is it always a lab coat yeah what do you mean somebody shows up and it's like casual friday at the lab i'm just imagining or hazmat suit yeah oh yeah extra extra formal uh with a tie i'm just spats i don't know like you think it might be just somebody just in a regular shirt yeah t-shirt guy i don't know. Like you think it might be just somebody just in a regular shirt? Yeah, a t-shirt guy. I don't know.

I'd want, I'd insist on a lab coat. On a completely white clinical room. Yeah, yeah. I don't want some dude, you know, wearing some kind of pot shirt. Yeah. You know? Embryos before embryos. That's pretty good.

The shirt says. Yeah, and he's doing it in the back of an rv and he put mobile this is uh is barely there yeah what i'm doing here well he works at barely legal magazine is that still a thing well dave i wonder I don't know if any of those magazines are still in business. Barely Legal Magazine? Do you want me to Google it? Yeah, sure. Why not? What could that harm? What harm could that bring to you?

Well, no. I'm not saying Barely Illegal. No, that's true. Yeah, I guess the thing was that they were Barely Legal. They were just skirting the law. Yeah. This lady just got just voted the voters issue of barely legal magazine yeah young voters um yeah well 13 a year

it's how many comes out it's edited by larry flint still wow uh first issue 1993 um it's the name of, according to Wikipedia, Barely Legal is the name of an adult magazine targeted primarily at heterosexual men. I mean, yeah, sure, we get some spill-offs with your old ladies. But, yeah, it looks to be good. It looks to still be up and running. Wow. Thanks, Wikipedia. Like looks to still be up and running. Wow. Thanks, Wikipedia.

Well, like the magazine industry is in turmoil. I just can't even imagine what the porno magazine industry must just be. Yeah, it's spiraling. Yeah. I think I used to have a joke about, I couldn't remember how exactly it worked, but it was about a law office that had, and you know it's a good law. It's because in the law, it has barely legal magazine. Yeah.

We know what the exact... My overheard comes from somebody trying to explain to a girl what what uh star wars day is to a girl yeah it was a guy trying to explain to a girl like may the fourth a young a young girl or a woman a woman okay sorry a woman yeah trying to explain to a woman uh what may yeah may the fourth he's like oh yeah that's star wars day and uh long pause and he goes may the fourth and she goes what is that like yoda's birthday or some shit you know what it might as well yeah exactly um it's my sister's birthday and we were talking about this uh because may the fourth is her birthday yeah oh happy birthday yeah uh because birthday to you have for you to have he gets all the words though yeah he doesn't

throw in extra words that's the line from the movie um it's uh like her whole life it's been her birthday and only like five years ago it started being a thing usurped but like there haven't even been movies like it came after all the movies yeah yeah no one caught it until like 2006 someone's just waiting for the internet to happen yeah yeah to spread around that dumb thing and now now it's a thing. Just like 420. Like that just became, that was just pot guys knew that. And now everybody,

now everybody has to know that. I got to explain it to my baby daughter. Yeah, exactly. Emmett, you? Oh, I just say, I do have one overheard from Japan.

Oh, yeah. Here we go. Okay. I was in, I went to this little weird bar that was like an open mic kind of style bar. Did you do your material? Yeah. No, no.

It was for music. They had instruments and stuff there. That's beside the point. I did my Yoda impression. Nobody got it. Birthday. Have you happy one. Maybe.

I did that. Like not even a laugh. But I mentioned to the bartender that I was from Vancouver. Oh, Vancouver. So cool. So, you're gay? Yep. There you go.

What kind of a bar was it? A gay bar No I think he might have been Because it had a little A little rainbow above Oh I think I guess if it's a language barrier Why

Mince words It's like Alright you're gay Yeah Like You're from Vancouver You're gay Let's do this

Is that I wonder Maybe that's What we're known for worldwide. Yeah. Because I don't. Why couldn't it be? Vancouver.

Oh, you do podcasts? Yeah, I've been on that a couple times. Yeah, sure. I do some podcasts. I think it's because he immediately brought up after the Rainbow Crosswalks. Oh, yeah, yeah. So he was stoked on that. Good for us.

Ah, yeah. Well, I mean, if that's our international, I would take that over being the city that people smoke a lot of pot in. Yeah. Like, I would rather it be, hey, you're from the gayest city in Canada. Yeah. Over the guys from Nickelback live here sometimes. Yeah. Yeah, I guess there's a lot of, what else would we be known for?

Rioting. Oh, yeah. Oh, man, there's a lot of, uh, uh, what else would we be known for? Rioting. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. There's a lot of things we could, uh, yeah. Oh, heroin. You do heroin? Yeah. Uh, you have heroin?

Uh, yeah. So that's, I'll, you know, but are we, are we the gayest city in Canada? Maybe Toronto is. Cause they have a giant pride parade and stuff. They have their own district, too, that's just as famous as ours. Yeah. I get what you're saying. Keep them in their own district.

Yeah. But you wouldn't, I don't know. I think when I grew up in Calgary, I thought Vancouver was like a very gay-friendly city. That's what I, but also pot. It was gay and pot were the two. And I feel like pot's winning out. I don't like it. And growing up in Vancouver, I felt that Calgary was like a very gay hostile city.

Yes. Yeah. Hostile. Not under. No, we had, no, you're right on both. Oh, you have gay hostiles? We had a lot of gay hostilesels, and they were also hostile. Why wouldn't you have gay hostels?

That makes sense. That's like the men hotel. I guess. Right? But like, how do you prove that? I don't know. I don't know how you prove it. I don't know the mathematics behind it.

I guess there are gay bars You don't have to be gay To work here but it helps But like there must be gay hostels There's gotta be I assume Yeah I'm sure there are somewhere in the planet There's a lot of people on the planet

And each one has a toilet That's what we learned today A toilet for everybody Yeah a boy lit in the toilet This world is doomed toilet. That's what we learned today. A toilet for everybody. Two toilets for everybody. Yeah, a boil it in the toilet. This world is doomed. I think it should be one toilet for everyone and you should have to carry it around with you. Yeah, I don't disagree with

that. Like an old-timey kind of paper quarter. It's like a portable hot plate. You can just cook your food in it. Yeah, boil it. And then you get rid of it. It's perfect. This planet's not doomed with innovations like that we're gonna be fine um now we also have overheards that are sent in by people sure uh if you want to send one into us it is spy at maximum fun.org uh this first one comes from scott in kansas city uh uh what From Scott in Kansas City. Uh. Uh.

What? This is a weird noise I make. Yeah, yeah. This is a guy, he's talking on his phone. And so you only hear the one side of the conversation. All I wanted was a picture to get me through a tough time. And you're all, I'm not your personal porn star. What? Mm-hmm. Yeah, sure yeah sure okay i love you baby bye bye yes they've had that conversation before yeah oh boy

i was born at the wrong time. Yeah. Like the, the generation that has to, you know, like not only is, is sexting a thing, but it's like, well,

requesting. Yeah. Yeah. And getting shot down is a thing. Yeah. Oh man. That's,

I'm glad I'm not part of this because it's only going to get weirder. Yeah. That's going to be part of the birds and the bees talk.

I know. Sometimes your, your wife's not, like when you're in love, your wife's not going to be part of the birds and the bees talk. I know. Sometimes your wife's not, like when you're in love, your wife's not going to want to send you

a picture. Did right, now you're dead. Yeah. As someone who's going to have to give a birds and

the bees talk, it's going to be a lot of, I don't think it's going to, I'm necessarily going to start with husband

and wife stuff. When a couple loves each other very much. I'm still very traditional on my dick pics. You put a little tuxedo on it. I send the... You put it on top of a wedding cake. A frame date by 10. It's an autographed...

Keep reaching for the stars. A frame date by 10. Autographed. Keep reaching for the stars. Yeah, I don't know, man. There's like last night at this comedy show, there were these guys, a show called Jokes Please, and the hosts, Ross and Andy, who have both been on the show, were talking about a thing called Yik Yak. You know what Yik Yak is? show called jokes please and the hosts uh ross and andy who have both been on the show we're talking about a thing called yik yak you know yik yak is no now but they all the kids are on it it's a new app yeah it's a new app it's like anonymous twitter so you put up a thing and then people vote

vote it up or down but it's not and then if it goes crazy successful, then you can screen cap it and be like, that was mine. But it's anonymous, so no one believes you. Yeah, no, well, you can do it on your phone, so like, it says like whose account it is or whatever. Anyways, it's just, that's, that's what's happening. There's just going to be more. Yik Yak. Yik Yak. Was it named after, what was the guy from?

Yik Yu? Degrassi? Yeah. Yeah. Yik Yu, he was the guy who had... Wet Dream? Yeah, Wet Dream. And then he called Sexy Sue or whatever her name was.

Oh, memories. Oh, just, you know what? Get her, that Sue lady, to record something before she dies and then just play that for your daughter. Okay, sure, yeah. Yeah, because she had good answers. What was her name? Sue Johansson. But that wasn't, she wasn't on Degrassi. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because she had good answers. What was her name? Sue Johansson.

But that wasn't, she wasn't on Degrassi. Yeah, yeah. That was the same character? Yeah, they called the real her during, she used to have

a radio show. Oh, okay. And they called from a phone booth because they were afraid that the radio was going to trace the call.

We're just calling back for the guy who called in about his wet dreams. That would be the worst. Anyways, uh, this is a next one comes from Sarah H. Uh, I don't know where from. Ooh.

Uh, I work in a computer lab. I was teaching some children how to take pictures off the internet. One was looking at pictures of wolves and stated to this friend wasn't that a thing on the news a dingo ate someone's baby i mean yeah yeah it wasn't on the australian news in the 80s yeah how did that kid know about a cry in the dark yeah and was like referencing it to his friend. Or the story, the real life story upon which a cry in the dark was based. Or reference to reference by Owain and Seinfeld. Yep.

Play the theme. I don't have any more Seinfeld themes. Oh no. Did it turn out that lady was lying? Didn't they find the. I don't. Something evidence or something? Well, there's no such thing

as dingoes. Oh, that's what it was. There weren't any... There weren't dingoes. No, or... That was something she made up. Australia. There's no Australia?

No. Yeah. That's pretty good. Is that... That's the real one, right? Nope. Yeah, that's the real one, right? Nope. Yeah, that's the real one. This last one comes from Patrick in Chicago.

This is from a small office that was attached to a warehouse that he's working in. I was in there one day, and one of the women working there got off the phone with her daughter after a brief discussion. I heard the mother tell the daughter, just text me a picture. A minute later, her phone went off. The mother looked at it and immediately called her daughter back and just said, no, honey, I don't think you should wear an ACDC shirt to your internship interview. I don't know. Maybe it's a cool internship yeah but thanks for sending the photo i'm gonna post it on yik yak see how many votes it gets i gotta sign up for yik yak yeah you gotta get on yik yak

the new thing until tomorrow when it'll be a i know the world moves world moves pretty fast. If you don't take a break once in a while you're going to miss it. If you don't misquote Ferris Bueller all the time. Now in addition to overheards

that are written in we also accept your Seinfeld theme song covers. That one's crazy. This one's got Mingo lewis on it um who's mingo lewis uh he used to be like he's a 70s congo jazz fusion drummer oh yeah oh mingo lewis i think that's it oh he ate my baby um now we also accept your phone calls uh if you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people here. Hey, Stop Podcasting Yourself.

This is Matt from Philadelphia. I have a overheard for you. I was leaving my community gym, and I glanced over and saw a group of, couldn't be more than 14-year-old boys, 14-year-old max age, and one was hunched over a smartphone and another guy was peeking over his shoulder. And I just hear, are you ordering more fedoras? From charliesheen.com. Oh, man, the fedoras really had a bad run the last few years. 14-year-old can't order things on the internet.

Sure they can. You don't have a credit card? No, you just go to your Yik Yak account. Oh, I'm doing it on Yik Yak credits. Yeah, I was able to get enough Yik Yak credits to buy a Fedora. Buy more Fedoras. More Fedora. Oh, man. Yeah, when was the last time a Fedora. Buy more fedoras. Or fedora. Oh, man.

Yeah, when was the last time a fedora was cool? Oh. Justin Timberlake, maybe? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Like that first solo album? No, from Russia with Love. That's it.

Like, we're talking 1963 or something. No, because Indiana Jones. He was so cool. That was said in the 30s. Yeah, but still. Said in the 40s. Yeah, but still. Set in the 40s. Yeah. Okay.

1939 was the second one in the 40s. Right. Indiana. Sam Jones. Really? The first one was in the 30s? No. Because, yeah, the third one was in the 40s.

The second one is in 1939, but that's a prequel. The Nazis are in Northern Africa in the first one. But that's because the first one happens after the second one. Oh, really? It does? Yeah. Wow. Anything goes.

Here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Mitchell calling from Oklahoma City. I was just sitting in my math class, and before class started, there were like these four teenagers that sit behind me, and they're all kind of immature and whatever. But before class started, I overheard one of them saying, yeah, I wish they would have held me back either my sophomore or junior year.

I would have been such a badass wrestler. Oh, yeah, that's true. All the growing you would have done in that year. And plus, as a wrestler, you could have been like, hold me back, hold me back. You also could have been quite a bully. You really could have got a good year of bullying under your belt. I was born in December and my mother used to say, oh, I wish, I wish we'd waited another year before we put you in school. Why is that?

Um. Is it the old one? I guess, but like, I think she meant it from like, oh, just another year together. Uh, mom. Adorbs. But, uh, nope. Nope. So I was just the tiniest kid in my class forever.

Aw. Kind of like the class mascot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was sort of, uh, I was a pit bull. I was a little tiny dog they put in a sweater. Kept in a cage. Kept in a cage. Kids would take me home on the weekends.

Other classes would try To steal you for a prank Yeah yeah yeah But I always came out on top I was confused This last caller said That he was

He had teenagers Behind him in math class Yeah But is he not a teenager Yeah Well maybe he's a Maybe he's in university And they're

He's still learning And they're teenagers And he's Really smart teenagers In university No I think he's in university and they're He's still learning? And they're teenagers and he's Really smart teenagers in university. No, I think he's like one of like a 21 Jump Street. He's undercover.

Oh. Yeah, he did he did he did kind of like a flip flop back there. He was like I was in school

I mean I was in class I didn't know I didn't pick up on what the significance of that was and I still don't. And here's your final phone call. Hi, Dave and Graham.

This is Megan calling from Pennsylvania with an overheard. So I was in a waiting room today with a mom and her three kids. The mom says to her kids, when we're done here, we can go to a pizzeria. And her probably six-year-old son says, pizzeria. And she says, yeah, and starts to explain to him what a pizzeria is. But he interrupts her, or rather he starts talking over her and says, pizzeria, pizzeria! And starts laughing so loud that I can't even hear what the mom is saying anymore. Until she yells over him, pizzeria isn't diarrhea.

I know what you're thinking. It is close, though. Close enough for a kid. Yeah. I was on the same page as him. Yeah. Right away. For some reason, I never made that connection.

By the moment I heard taqueria, I was like, yeah. I never made that connection. By the moment I heard Taqueria, I was like, yeah. The, uh, calling it a pizzeria, that was a very funny, because it's just a pizza shop. Right. Pizza store? It's a pizza store. Yeah.

But what are the Rias? Well, Ria Perlman. Yeah, sure. Gonorrhea. Yeah, Gonorrhea. And, uh. And pizzeria. And so forth. Yeah. And Taqueria. Oh, yeah. Galleria. Yeah, Conneria. And so forth. Galleria?

Oh, yeah, Galleria. Yeah. That's it. We did it. Are you for real? Seriously. Seriously, are you for real? Now, that does it for the show. Yeah, it sure does. Are you for real? Yeah. I'm for real um now that does it for the show yeah it sure does are you for real yeah i'm for real

yeah farrell probably gets asked that a lot farrell i can never pronounce that guy's name because of will farrell or perry farrell yeah that's true they were both there first is what i'm saying although perry farrell got his name from the word peripheral, which is where... Oh, really? Which is not where Farrell gets his name. Where does Farrell get his name? That's just his name. Yeah, he was born Farrell Ralph Waldo Emerson. What do you think Farrell's real name is? That's like...

Flapjack. Oh, you're right. I don't know. I just assumed that was his real name. Pharrell Williams. Born. Pharrell Skateboard. Pharrell.

Four. Yeah, no, it's Pharrell Williams, also known by his mononym Pharrell. Huh. Huh. Well, there you go. Now, Emmett, this show comes out on the 18th. The 18th. You got anything coming up

you want to plug? Now, just remember, we're two weeks past May the 4th. Okay. So. Which is Star Wars Day. Yeah. Happy Star Wars Day. Promotion cannot do for before then. It's from the movie.

The newer ones that come out in December. When he went on a promotional tour. And then he had to record in his toilet voice. When Yoda and Arsenio

use toilet voice. Okay. Sunday service I'm part of that comedy group yeah every Sunday every Sunday at the Fox Cabaret

9pm 7 bucks it's a great show we have a podcast that comes out never the last one came out in January

we're still working on the next one it'll happen it's called the Sunday service presents a beautiful podcast it's really good stuff it is really good stuff um if you want to follow me on twitter by all means dave finally just started following me there you go graham by all means did i finally i'm not following you what no i think i was

that doesn't make sense twitter has been making me follow people I don't want to follow and unfollow people I don't want to unfollow. And then I'll get an email from them saying, people similar to somebody. And I'm like, I never followed this person. Yeah. Huh. If so inclined, you can follow me at IamEmmettHall. I don't tweet that often because I think it's a weird world of... But what's your Yik Yak name?

Yeah. Anonymous. It's all anonymous. My Yik Yak name is Chim Cham. I'm Chim Cham on Yik Yak. Boil it, toilet. Yeah. Keep an eye out for toilet.

You know what? I've gotten endeavoring into music a little bit more and my group will be performing at the Music Waste Festival. Oh yeah. Somewhere between June 4th to 7th. In Vancouver. In Vancouver. Look for.

You're from Vancouver? Are you gay? You gay? What's your band called? The group is called Revered and it's, yeah, it's a very strange. What kind of music are we talking about here? A fusion? No, it's kind of like Peter Gabriel meets a Sega Genesis filtered through Randy Newman.

I love two of those things. Yeah. Randy Newman, right? No. Short people. It's so weird. short people hate the jews is randy newman is he racist he's jewish oh okay but he wrote that it's satire ah satire uh but yeah i do that with um a guy named pietro san marco who's uh who's involved with weekend leisure which is a

arts collective anyway this is a long story doesn't matter sure check out revered it's great stuff there's there's dance moves there's uh suits there's um you're doing dance moves yeah dance moves you're in suits we're in suits there's um synthesized bombast and self-deprecating pageantry. It's great. It's great. Wow. So many words. Yeah.

Oh, wow. No, it's earnest, but it's also- Is it a band or is it a press release? The risk of nature. It's great. It's the only thing I like. Okay. It's the only thing I like because I hate myself.

Well, there you go. Um. That's cool. You should go to Japan. I did. They're go over well there. Yeah. I'm big in Japan.

Um, thanks for being our guest, man. Thanks. We don't hate you. Yeah. We love you. We think you're great. It's always a pleasure. It's always a pleasure to entertain the bumpers or I'm a bumper myself.

Um, and, uh, speaking of all things podcasting dave and i will be at the improvaganza in edmonton alberta on thursday june 20 26th or 5th yeah yeah the last week in june but it's the thursday Yeah, we're definitely on the Thursday night. Go to improvaganza.ca. Yeah, I'm definitely going to do that. Or com. Maybe it's com. It's the 25th.

25th. And tickets will be available through their website. And we're guests to be announced. And if you like the show, why don't you head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap Pictures and vids All the things we talked about Well not all the things but some of them

Mad vids Seinfeld theme song Japan One picture of Japan I will mention there was a crazy band that I saw on TV there And they were just like a Cool like pop rock band but they were called bump of chicken oh yeah yeah you're gonna snort some chicken yeah so uh stick a video of that at

the end bump of chicken huge sure it's very strange um and uh what else did you what did you talk about uh well we'll talk about that was a Picture of the Japanese toilets for sure. Oh, sure. Yeah, that was a big part of it. Picture or video. Oh, yeah, yeah. I want to know more. I want to know, would love it. It sings that while you go. Oh, man.

And also you could go over to the Reddit forums. There's all sorts of people chatting on Reddit. Yeah, and the subreddit is Maximum Fun. Somebody always posts the episode of the week. It's usually someone different every week. I like it because it's the only time on the internet where there's something where I don't have to post it myself. Yeah, and then, you know, follow us on Yik-Yak.

I mean, once we get this thing going on Yik-Yak. Yeah, you'll know who it is. We're not going to say who we are, but you'll know our stuff. And if you like the show, tell your friends to come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Yeah, it's close. Ugh.

But it's close enough if you're doing it on like as a parody it's like this from the super nintendo video game of seinfeld this is closer yeah but it's up uh right it's up a couple notes. Oh! This is the Just for Laughs composer. Oh, this one's right. This one's... That's the right one. Yeah.

What's this one? This is the korean karaoke that was just in my left ear but if you just like were doing like a a cutaway like on a show like kimmy schmidt like that's what you would use. I see. Too fast. What's the drumming? That's instead of the pop, pop, pop. Yeah, but why instead of?

Or maybe it doesn't have that effect on his keyboard. This is... This is all bass. So this one's just called bass tube. Maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported.