Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 394 - Switcheroo Week with Jon Dore

Episode Date: October 5, 2015

It's MaxFun's Great Switcheroo. The hosts of some of MaxFun's shows have swapped for the week. Jordan Morris and Jesse Thorn of JJGo are hosting SPY with Jon Dore. And a special guest resuscitates Hulk Hogan News.Catch Dave and Graham on One Bad Mother.

he's jordan morris and he's jesse thorne and together we guest host stop podcasting yourself whoo Welcome to Stop Podcasting Yourself. I'm Jesse Thorne, and with me, as always, is the man leading the nomination race for the Republican Party's presidential candidacy, Jordan Morris. Hey, guys. Hi, Jordan. Just trying to make sure nobody takes our guns away.

Yeah, I know how that is. Yeah. I'm just fighting that good fight to make sure people don't swoop in and take away our guns away. Yeah, that is. Yeah. It's, I'm just fighting that, fighting that good fight to make sure people don't swoop in and take away our guns, which we love and want to marry.

We should explain, by the way, if you are, This is me kissing a gun. If you are a Stop Podcasting Yourself listener, and you're wondering

where your beloved Canadian friends are, we have murdered them and taken their place. With our American guns that we love so much. Exactly. No, I think the situation

is actually this. It is switcheroo week. MaxFun flip-flop flam-a-dam-a-ding-dong week. We are the hosts of Jordan Jesse Gull on MaximumFun.org, another long-standing program

in the MaxFun stable. And we are filling in for Dave and Graham this week. Dave and Graham are off with Abby Shumka, who is her own person, hosting One Bad Mother. And the McElroy brothers

are hosting Jordan Jesse Go. Does all of that sound true? Yes. Should I just fire these guns into the air? Yeah, you might as well. We love them so much and want to marry them. Let's introduce our guest on the show, Jordan. I'd love to.

He's a beloved stand-up comedian, sometime television personality. He's one of the most beloved and reviled guests in Stop Podcasting Yourself history, comedian John Doerr. Hi, John. Hello. How are you, sir? I'm fine. Good. I couldn't help but notice that you were crawling around on the floor of the studio.

I was. I was turning my headphones up. Oh, okay. You turned my headphones up. I turn the headphones up on the world. You turned everyone's headphones up. That's my motto. Put your headphones on.

I'm about to turn it up. No, my volume was low, so I crawled along the ground quietly as to not disturb you doing the podcast. He also ate some seed that I dropped. What could be... I was packing at the carpet. I was. I was nibbling. What could be...

No, now you just turned it down. Why did... I can't hear anything now. I think I'm really glad we're doing this classic podcast intro of fiddling with the equipment. I think this is great. No, it just went up a little bit. What did I do? You turned up everyone's headphones, including ours, and I just turned up your headphones.

I see. So I must have hit the master knob. Yeah, you turned up the master knob. By the way, I appreciate how quietly you did that crawling. I did, too. I would assert that it made it more disturbing to the program. That I was quiet? That there was a grown man in a crew neck sweater.

I'm not ageist. The second I get here, you're dropping the age bomb. Crawling across the floor. So you're saying it would be okay if a baby crawled around on the floor, but not a grown man? Pretty closed-minded, Jesse. Jesse, you're also suggesting that doing it quietly was bad.

Guys, I didn't know. You wanted a drunk Sasquatch to just rumble in and try and turn up the knob. That is what we think of Canadians. We think of you all as drunk Sasquatches. That I approve of. I didn't know that I was here doing this podcast with the PC police. You are here doing the podcast. How can you not know you're not here doing the podcast?

You know what? You can't tell me what I can and can't say. I have headphones on. You're talking into a microphone. You know you're doing a podcast. I fail to believe that you don't think you know you're doing a podcast. I believe in something simple and beautiful called freedom. The Lord.

It's the American way. Okay. Maybe you and your eagle hat need to learn a little something about what it means to be free. That looks like an eagle today. I never know what hat I'm wearing, but it is an eagle. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, because I do have a mallard hat as well.

When you say, yeah, you're right, do you check just now like the underbrim? No, because I remembered earlier today. I grabbed the blue one. Did you take a look at yourself with your third eye? I'll tell you why. Yeah. Because I did not.

Obviously, it's difficult to remember what hat you have on your head. Sure. Most people don't know what hat they have on their head. It's not a sure vision. Of course, sure. If you ask most people, what hat are you wearing, they will say, I have no idea. 90% of the time. That was my thesis. I think a solid 70% of them will say, I have no idea. 90% of the time. That was my thesis.

I think a solid 70% of them will say I am not presently wearing a hat. No, if... What? No, but if they know they're wearing a hat, they know they're wearing a hat, but which hat are they wearing? If they're accustomed to wearing several hats over the course of their life... John... I'm not done yet, though.

I'm going to give you a quick example here. So look it. Here's how I knew what hat I was wearing without looking up at the brim. I remember today I was going to wear my green mallard cap, and I thought it was a bit dirty for Jesse and Jordan. And then I decided to put on the blue one. That was nice. We appreciate that. This clean hat is really fun to look at. It smells nice.

Well, now I think Jesse had something he really needed to say. No. The floor yields. Jesse? You had something you wanted to say. Go ahead. This is a safe space. I was going to say, like, for example, Jordan, the audience can't see he's not wearing a hat right now.

If I said to him, Jordan, what kind of hat are you wearing right now? Oh, hair hat. Okay, so it went sideways. Yeah. It did not go. I know exactly what hat I'm wearing. I did not go the way that I expected it to go. Should we get to know us? I'd love to get to know us. Get to know us. Is that Graham or Dave singing? Hard to say. I was singing along. I noticed you weren't singing along. Yeah, well, you know, I just like to check out. Yeah, I understand that. I mean, where there's a bed of music, it's just a great chance to check out and, you know,

maybe think about what you're going to watch on TV tonight. While that theme song was playing, I landed on 60 Minutes. What are you going to watch on TV tonight? Oh. It's Sunday. Yeah, it is Sunday. Who's on 60 Minutes now? Charlie Rose or is he still? 60 Minutes. Oh. It's Sunday. Yeah, it is Sunday. Who's host 60 Minutes now? Charlie Rose or is he still on 60 Minutes 2?

The clock. The clock? The clock now hosts 60 Minutes. It's the longest tenure. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like a, you know, it was... When Ed Bradley died, they gave the clock his earring. So it just kind of ticks. Uh-huh.

And then, you know, it just sits there and then a death row inmate talks about his experiences. Is there still a humor segment on 60 Minutes? Oh, yeah. The clock does that, too. Oh, the clock Andy Rooney's, too? Yeah, yeah. I can never tell when you're joking. Is the clock really hosting the show?

Yeah. The stop clock at the beginning? Mm-hmm. No. I'm not buying this. Listen, John, because you might not be a regular 60 Minutes watcher, it came to life because of a radiation experiment. Oh my goodness. That they did

at Andy Rooney's. The clock is now living as a result of a radiation experiment? Yeah. The only thing John watches is the Royal Canadian Air Farce. Who was doing experiments on the clock with radiation, or was it accidental? Andy Rooney. Andy Rooney was? Yeah, it's part of one of his classic segments. Wow. What's the deal with radiation experiments was. Yeah, as part of one of his classic segments. Wow.

What's the deal with radiation experiments? Sure. Sort of the premise. And then, you know, he was there with the clock who, you know, regular 60 Minutes viewers will know was his lover. That's true. And they were working in his lab late one night.

Ha ha. Yes. Someone get an awful fright. Yeah. Someone got an awful fright. Yeah, he got an awful fright. He died. The clock was showered with radiation. I know. As a result of his death?

So, yeah. Or the radiation. I don't know how the radiation got involved. I mean, it was just in some sort of casing. And when he got an awful fright. What kind of casing was it in? You know, like a. Like a sausage? You know, like a sausage casing. Yeah, like a sausage casing.

Like a pig intestine? Yeah, I mean, in. So they treated radiation. That seems strange to me that someone would throw radiation in haggis. It was his undoing. It was that decision, which was his undoing. You know what? And this is why we need big government and more laws.

Thank you. Because these people. Thank you. You're welcome. Well, wait, no, sorry. As a Republican, I say, I disagree with you, sir. Oh, then what were you applauding me for? And let's see your birth certificate.

Yes, I see what you're saying. And give me those guns. I will give you, I will let you see my green card whenever you ask. Oh, okay. Do you have it on you? Yeah, I do. I'd love to see your green card. I carry it everywhere I go.

I will show it to you. Is it true that the green card picture is always bad? I've never heard that before. And to be honest, I haven't. I will show it to you. Is it true that the green card picture is always bad? I've never heard that before, and to be honest I don't know. I thought the picture green card was pretty fun. I like Gerard Depardieu in it. I've never seen that movie. Check out this card. Here we go. Oh yeah, that is a bad picture. I'm kidding.

It looks lovely. It doesn't matter to me if you did. We're all going to die one day. Sean, are you more of a My Stepfather the Hero type? My Stepfather the Hero? I don't even know what that is. I don't think that also starred Gerard Depardieu. Oh, is that right? I don't think I know that film either.

What's the woman from Grey's Anatomy who was in romantic comedies with anyone and everyone? Glenn Close. Yes, Glenn Close. Katherine Heigl. Yeah. Katherine Heigl is in that movie with Gerard Depardieu, but she's like 13. Great. Years old? I was surprised that the but she's like 13. Great. Years old?

I was surprised that the green card, actually green, and had a picture of the Statue of Liberty on it. The whole thing struck me as a little on the nose. It always reminded me. Do you remember the band Space Hog, of course? Sure, sure. Who doesn't remember the band Space Hog? Their album, Resident Alien, the cover of it was a photograph of someone's green card. And then, of course, they changed the information around.

And that's what I think of when I think of a green card. They didn't use the original information? They didn't just borrow someone's green card and put it up there. That'd be funny if there was just a rash of people trying to sneak into America using Space Hog CDs. Like they show it at the border. Exactly. No, that'd be great. Yeah.

Like, oh, you don't take this? Hello, Mr. Hog. Good to see you again. You don't take this? What about this Green Jelly CD? What are you doing in Chicago, Mr. Hog? Ugly Kid Joe. Hey, space.

What are you doing in Chicago? I don't think anyone's taking Green Jelly CDs. Now, if you brought a Green Jell-O CD before they were forced by the Jell-O Corporation to change their name, I think they'd put on the Three Little Pigs and forgive you. Let you right into that country. Sure. What is Green Jelly? Is that a band?

It was a band, a novelty hard rock band that could not have been more the rage when I was in sixth grade. Oh, my God. Does that sound right to you? Were you in fifth grade? It does. Yeah. Maybe I know this.

I'm just not remembering. It swept through my school. The only comparable phenomena, I would say, were pogs. Oh. Which everyone knows you get from too many pogs. And they sweep through schools. I guess I know green jelly slash jello as a staple of the used section. Where?

The warehouse. Yeah. Whenever I was browsing the used CDs as a young person, I remember there were always a lot of green jelly slash jellos, a lot of ugly kid joes, a lot of space hogs. And they were, you know, four and five dollars and when you're a teen

on a budget, you want to rock out within your allowance. So I always considered getting into these bands just because there were so many. They were so freely available. Yeah, they were easy to get. They were affordable art. It was like the Space Hog, though, arguably, definitely arguably,

possibly the greatest song of the 90s. Which is, I guess. In the meantime. Which is Barbie Girl. Can you sing a couple bars? Please. I can. Oh, I'm not going to, but yes. Oh, okay only song you can sing. Can you sing a couple bars? Please. I can. Oh, I'm not going to.

Oh, okay. I can, yes. Can you recite a couple bars if it was beat poetry? I can do the bass line. Okay. Okay. Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo Yeah, it does. Trust me. You know the song. I have it on my phone. My bell could not be more thoroughly unrung. That would have been, by the way, where Dave would have jumped in and just said,

John, why do you bother saying anything? Okay, here it is. Oh, my God. It just popped up, too. This hypothetical. Now, are you allowed to play songs over the podcast? No, of course not. Are you really not?

I mean, it's illegal, but I don't think space is fine. That's why I'm asking the question. We're promoting them. This is the most... I absolutely don't know this song. I got nothing here. Now, if you went back... Is this a Canadian band? For fun, British, if you went back and took out the bass line I hummed and synced it up to what I just played,

you would see... You'd not be able to tell which is the music and which was me humming. It's that good. Not only did I accurately hum it, I actually sounded like a bass when I did it. You know, I don't know. People here are known as Canada's Michael Winslow. Yeah.

Jordan, did you know this about John? I don't know. I forgot to mention it in his intro, but he was actually the bass player in Soundgarden. He did it purely with vocal ease. Wow. Any requests?

Stu, Black Hole Sun. You can tell that's someone who has no experience in the mouthing bass industry. It's an industry then. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom.

So the bass line is the melody that's the... Follows the melody. Oh, wow. Okay. Boom, boom, boom. Rusty Cage. No. That one's too hard to do maybe.

Boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom. That was before you were in the band. This was... I joined just after. Of course, I had to learn it. We're going to play it when we go live. Well, when you did stadium, I mean, you guys did stadium tours. Yes, we did stadium tours.

Did you have a microphone that you preferred? Yes. Yeah, sure, 57. Yeah. Sure. That was probably my least favorite song to play. Did you ever use any? A lot of speed changes, tempo changes.

Did you use any pedals or effects? Yes. Yeah? Yes. Several? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The people listening at home and who maybe couldn't make it out to see one of those legendary Soundgarden tours,

John also plays the air bass while he's playing the mouth bass. And also, just for people at home who are confused right now, John is not playing an actual bass guitar. All these sounds are coming out of his mouth. So no matter how remarkable the verisimilitude may be, understand that John is effectively singing these bass lines. Although, I don't know if that's the verb that you would use to sing. Look, I don't care.

It's the intention. It's how people say it. It's not what they say. It's the spirit of the thing. Yes. And your enthusiasm, while youthful and inexperienced, is still welcome. But yeah, no, we wouldn't say singing it. We would still say playing it.

Much like you wouldn't say to someone who's blind, are you hearing TV? You would still say, are you going to watch TV? Okay. You're going to treat them like a regular human. That seems cruel. Why? Because they can't see anything. They're blind. Yeah. It is cruel.

I might say, are you going to enjoy? You would agree that it's cruel? Yeah. I think it's very cruel that a blind person would want to spend time with a regular person and make the regular person take time out of their life. It's nice to see you for the most regular people, too. That's what you were talking about, right?

Yeah, regulars. Yeah, yeah. Like a regular like me. Sure. I had a bat in my house, speaking of blind people. This was a week ago. I had a bat in my house.

Now, John Doerr was... It was a nightmare. We're getting to know you. You live... I felt like I was being held hostage by a bat in my house. Now, John Doerr was... It was a nightmare. We're getting to know you. You live... I felt like I was being held hostage by a bat. You live in the place where... But the tables quickly turned as I exterminated it. Who's Anne Frank now?

I said to the bat. It didn't hear. Yeah. It should. The bat was Anne Frank in that situation. It started... I started off as Anne Frank being held hostage and I had to lock all the doors and corner myself into the bedroom and I panicked. I was sweating. I felt just like Anne Frank would have. Did you still believe that

bats were good at heart? Pardon me? At the end of it all, did you still believe that bats were good at heart? Bats are terrible. I mean, if they stay outside the house and let me live inside, that's fine. But I find a lot of bats are now trying to cohabitate. And I want to hear the rest of the story, but as a literary – I'm not a literary guy.

Are you a lit agent? I'm not a lit agent. I thought you were going to say agent. And nor am I a fan of literature. Oh. I prefer – You do have a degree in literature, to be fair. That's why I'm not a fan.

Right. I got to know it and I decided, no thanks. Yeah. Not for me. What good has literature done? I can't think of any. Yeah. And are you – would you support book burnings, things like that?

Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. I'll often throw a Bible in the fireplace if I'm getting one. Yeah, yeah. But not the ones with the gilded pages because it – Because of fumes. Yeah, because of fumes. Noctuous fumes.

That'll make you loopy. Jesus's words in red can be real trouble too. Sure. Yeah, those are – Fumes-wise. I'll burn you about anything. And this is, as someone who doesn't know a lick about literature, in this scenario... Go on. The scenario would mean the bat.

Are bats Jews? There's no ethnicity, as far as I'm concerned. Are bats Jews or Nazis? Who's the Nazi, you or the bat? Well, this is where the roles were reversed. And this is if you had to assign one of the extremes. And you do. You do.

You have to. The two protagonists in this story, it would be. Technically, it's a protagonist and an antagonist. I don't have a degree in literature, but I'm quite the expert. There are now two protagonists to this tale. All right? And you'll see how the roles flip-flop. One being antagonized.

These roles flip-flop. If this came out as a movie, and you know it will, there will be two tagonists, and both of them will be pros. Got it. There will be someone as the bat. I'm kind of an amateur tagonist. Equal billing. That's not where I get my income, but I like to do it on the weekends.

Right. Precisely. I like to tagonize. Yeah. You can't have sponsorship. Yeah. Also, kickball. I'm really into kickball now, too.

Oh. It's just something fun I do with my friends. Yeah. Cool. Anyway. What is kickball? I like dive bars. Sure.

And I love science. I fucking love science. I love science. What is kickball? It's like a- Baseball with a- It's not soccer? Oh.

It's baseball but played with a rubber bouncy ball like a big – like a four-square ball. I know what you mean now. You know – four-square. So that's also in America. Okay, yeah, because I'm confused sometimes. And a few years ago there was a rash of kind of hipsters – Oh, I mean my rash is on my genitals. Yes.

Yeah. But I'm talking about a trend. Oh, I mean, my rashes on my genitals. Yes. Yeah. But I'm talking about a trend of like hipsters joining kickball leagues and then getting together and drinking afterwards. Anyway, that was the kind of thing I was goofing on there. Gotcha. Soccer baseball is what we called it. Up in Canada, in Ottawa, Ontario at McGregor Eason Public School. Actually, that's funny. In San Francisco where I grew up, it was called pasta. Pasta it was called. Pasta. What was called that?

Oh, you're talking about pasta being called pasta, like Canadians say. Yeah. Oh, I thought you were talking about a sport called soccer baseball. Just having fun. Yeah, I would still call it pasta. Yeah. So who's the Jew? In this scenario, what I would do is initially I'm trying to tell you that I empathize and felt much like those people hiding from a dark force.

Sure. Right. That was trying to track it down, which the bat was trying to do. So it wasn't a jackbooted thug in this case, but effectively a flying rat. Yes, more terrifying than a thug. Really? Yes, absolutely. You add wings to any land animal. It's immediately 100 times more terrifying.

If Nazis had had wings, they might have won World War II. Think about that. Think about that. Think about what you just said. Jesse, you're describing Earth too. They would have won the war based on appearance alone. It would have frightened all of Europe into submission.

Sure. You can build whatever bomb you want, but these things fly. How did the bat get into your house? This is what we don't know. Where in your house was it? In dead cricket storage? I was not up in the mountains where I lived for two or three days. I got home and was relaxing in front of the television.

60 minutes. Sure. Sitting back. I had them backlogged. How's that clock doing? Well, now that I know it's the host, I'm not happy. Yeah. Because as a host, it has very little to say.

I don't know whose side it's on. Only a series of ticks and tocks. Yes. Oh, you think ticks and tocks. Yes. Oh, you think the clock sits on the fence. You want to hear it editorialized more. It's a talk show host. You're right. Yeah. So this thing, I was sat in front of the

television and out of nowhere this bat just swoops in front of my face. So I immediately hid myself not unlike Anne Frank in my bedroom. Okay. So at this point in the story, Bat is Nazi. You is Anne Frank. Bat is Nazi.

And you are, to locate you here, you said you were not at your home in the mountains of Lake Arrowhead, California. For about three days. No, no. I was at home. You were there. Okay. You were in Lake Arrowhead. So there's this window of three days where you weren't in the house.

This is probably when the Bat got in. Correct. Correct. Okay. And so here's a moment where, as a terrified young girl, I was in my room and wondering, are there more bats? How long has this bat been here? Sure. Right.

Is there a colony? Right. Because the second you begin researching online, you start to see these words pop up in your head. Colonizing. Right. Guano. Uh-huh.

Mold. Right. So I immediately become concerned. Sure. And I saw it hanging in my kitchen. It had flown over and I have very high ceilings, so I couldn't get at it nor would I want to. So I got online and did some research and I had a company come out to deal with the bat.

And so he went inside, could not find the bat, sealed off a lot of areas where a bat could get in. And then both of us were inside the house and not find the bat, sealed off a lot of areas where a bat could get in. And then both of us were inside the house. And I noticed the bat hanging from my curtain. And so he grabbed a broom and he said, OK, I'm going to hit it. I said, OK. And he says, I might have to kill it. Is that OK?

And he asked me. Wow. That's a lot of responsibility. A lot of power. Sorry, what was he? A lot of power. He's asking me to end a life. And I said, I know what you he asked me. Wow. That's a lot of responsibility. A lot of power. Sorry, what was he? A lot of power. He's asking me to end a life. And I said, I know what you're doing here.

Right. So I said, is there any way of doing it without killing it? And he said, yeah, I'll knock it down. But if I end up killing it, I'm like, I don't know why you're asking me. This is your job. I've hired you to come do this. And now all of a sudden I'm making these choices. So anyway, he hits it, knocks it down. I got a towel. We covered it. He got the bat outside.

Terror gone. Yeah. For the time being. Terror gone. So in that scenario, I became the Nazi. I was hunting the bat. Got it. But in turn, it did invade my territory. But you could argue I invaded its territory. This is where the thing gets- This is an imperfect metaphor. This is where it gets complex. No, it's a perfect metaphor. It's just not a perfect world. Right? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

So anyway, long story short, the guy calls me later that night and he said that he let the bat out when he got home and it flew away. So good. No bat harm. I would have loved for that to end.

Long story short, the bat and I have been dating for six months. It's a real meet cute. Long story. Yeah. I have to say, Yes, you say, I really admire those jackboots you're wearing. Did you get those when you turned into a Nazi?

My converse boots? Oh, I'm sorry. I thought they were jackboots this whole time. No. I just presumed you to be a jackbooted thug. It's a lovely brown shirt, though. Thank you very much. Yeah.

Slowly making the transformation. Got it. Got it. Into UPS driver. Now, something I have noticed, and I work in a business where I have to constantly look at internet videos. What business is that? This is working for the television. He's a pornographer.

I'm a pornographer, and I just want to make sure, because a lot of pornography happens online now. Correct, yes. I would say that almost half of it. Right. The remaining half is Laserdiscs, as you know. It's the premier format for people who care about aspect ratio. To be fair, 10% are still on Videodisc. Yeah, sure, that's true.

Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, there's a lot of options out there for someone looking to crank it. Yeah. But, you know, a lot of it happens on the internet now. And so I just want to make sure I know what's out there, you know, what trends there are that maybe we can integrate into our pornography. Gotcha. Like memes.

Right. I have noticed that in the kind of internet flood of cute animals, you will, like if you're going on, you know, r slash aw, the Reddit dedicated to cute animals. Yeah. In the cats and the dogs, which are most of r aw, you will occasionally get a bat. And some bats have cute little hamster faces. Uh-huh. And some have the devil's face.

This bat, and the hamster face ones are very cute. People will feed them out of eyedroppers. They're horrified. They'll get a little seed and go, num, num, num, num, num, num, num. Uh-huh. Num, num, num, num, num, num. Do you guys know about this thing? Yes, yes. You can play bass in a band.

You know, I don't think I can go on the road again. It was so. That's the difficult part. It was a strain on my marriage. In a lot of ways, Jordan's years with Pearl Jam were the highlight of his life. But in a lot of ways, they were the low light of his life. Sure. Creatively, very exciting.

But, you know, the drugs, the women. Yeah. The snacking. You don't need to tell me. The knitting Yeah But sometimes I'll like The only time on the road Yeah but I'll like

Sit in with them When they're doing like The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame You write They'll like bring me up For a song And I think we all Remember Jordan

Yeah Jeremy Spokane There you go You got it, man. We should do an album. I would love to do an album. Sound Garden and Pearl Jam gets together again. We can't tour, though.

This just has to be a studio thing. Yeah. No, I have no plans of going on the road. Yeah, okay. Well, cool. This will just be like a bedroom project. I don't know why it has to be a bedroom. Oh, so we could fuck afterwards.

Oh, and great. Yeah. Totally in. Yeah, yeah. This will be like Bon Iver. I just wasn't sure why it had to be. This is Bon Iver, but with fucking. I know it's Bon Iver. So you're talking about

you're talking about bats. I like to say Bon Iver. Some are cute, some are ugly. Yeah, I wanted to know which bat you saw. Did you see a cutie? No, they're not. None of them are cute to me. But the faces. The faces. Yeah, they would all be gross to me. You don't even like the hamster faces? No, they're all horrible.

And I genuinely do have a phobia of bats. But no, this bat would have been, it was big for its size. And that statement qualified big for its size. Right. It was a big bat. Hall of Famer Yogi Berra? Exactly. That's another one of your famous things he said?

One of my favorite, another one of John Doerr's famous quotes. But yeah, it was a big bat and it was a fruit bat. Yeah. And I'm still not convinced it was a fruit bat, but he says it was a fruit bat. So I'll take,

he deals with these things. Sure. So it was a decent sized bat, but no, they're all disgusting. You can't see their faces. They're just like these faceless things

flying through the night. I bet when they're swooping, it is hard to see if they have a cute hamster face. And when I'm running and screaming, it's not, it's hard to pay attention. How do you, how does one, a rural idyll.

Rural what? Idyll. A rural. This is really weird. Is this a slur? It'd be great if you never got this sentence out and the whole podcast was that. How does living in the country in the country agree

with you in general, John Doerr? No, I don't belong in the country. Graham and Dave came to MaxFunCon. Correct. I'm going to say three, four years ago. Correct. And Dave said to me the night before they were going to do their show, hey, we just realized

John Doerr lives like 10 minutes from here. Can he come by and be a guest on our show? I said, yes, of course John Doerr can come be the guest on our show. And that's when I learned that you live in a mountain town two hours from Los Angeles. Yes. So how does that agree with you? How does that lifestyle?

It's terrible. I was an idealist when I got the part. John, I'm going to bore you. I told you this earlier. We got into it. We touched on it. Okay. Do you mind?

I'll just be here practicing my bass solo. Please. So while Jordan talks. Yeah, I was an idealist. I romanticized the idea of living up in the mountains, away from the world and the rat race. That's right. And now I miss the rat race.

Now you're in the bat race. I'm in the bat race. I don't like it. Do you think we Now you're in the bat race. I'm in the bat race. I don't like it. Could we? Do you think we could get a sequel? John won bat nothing. Do you think we could get

a sequel to Rat Race made called Bat Race? I hope so. I think Whoopi Goldberg's available. Yeah. Is Whoopi Goldberg and who else is in Rat Race?

John Cleese? Is John Cleese in Rat Race? That sounds right to me. I think he is. What's Kathy Bates? Kathy Bates is in that? Mm-hmm. That's supposed to be a fun movie. race i don't john cleese is john cleese in rat race that sounds right to me i think he is what's kathy bates kathy bates is in that that's supposed to be a fun movie i remember seeing rat race i remember that was one of the movies that had one of the 10 movies that year that prominently featured smash mouth's all-star i think they even the end of that movie they like drive a car through

a smash mouth concert you know why i think that move you know why i the end of that movie, they drive a car through a Smash Mouth concert. You know why I think that movie is fun? I think I think that that movie is fun because when we were 19 and 18 respectively, you went to see it and told me that it was fun. That stuck with you. Yeah, and it stuck with me. Not enough to actually see the movie. No, but I do value your opinion. I appreciate that.

I presume that it's fun based on the recommendation of an 18-year-old Jordan Morris. And just as a big Smash Mouth fan. God, I'll watch anything Smash Mouth. I don't even know this movie. Rap Race. This is what, 90s? I'm trying to conjure it, and I think, yeah, this probably was... Was it like a remake

of It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World? Yeah, I think maybe... I would guess that maybe it started out as one. Because it has that kind of zany zaniness to it. It's a zany road trip with a lot of colorful characters. Oh, I think Cuba Gooding Jr. is also in it. I think that was his

can be in everything time. I think it was written by Andy Breckman from WFMU 7 Second Delay. I think that's true. I've got confirmation on that. Nice. There you go. Brian, is Smash Mouth also in this?

Yeah, he says yeah. Okay. Yeah. These are my memories of Rat Race, though. Great. But I think it needs to be remade with more bats. Yeah. Great chat.

Bat Race. Yeah, we make Bat Race. Well, we really are getting to know us, guys. We know that you two have known each other for a while. This is what I'm learning. Sure. Well, yeah, because you're not familiar with us. No.

You don't know us from a bat in the house. I don't. What have you learned so far? That would be even more terrifying if I was watching TV and suddenly the two of you flew across my living room. I would not enjoy that. I would say this. I know that you guys now have been friends for a long time. You enjoy movies.

You got that right, my friend. You call hair your hat. Yeah. And that's about it. If I were to give you a eulogy. I mean, that's not a lot of facts. It's not a laundry list. But I think it is my essence.ogy. I mean, that's not a lot of facts. It's not a laundry list. But I think it is my essence.

Yes. I think you get my essence. I could cobble it together. That's what I was going to get. If I were to do your eulogy, it would be the most beautiful thing ever heard. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Who was Jordan?

My mother would reap. Weep? Reap. She would continue reaping her grain. She would reap what she has sown. Yeah. And that would be in the eulogy as well. You will reap what you sow.

Yeah. Mother Jordan. So Jordan, here lies Jordan Morris. He called his hair his hat. He knew Jesse for a bit. And he liked the movie Rat Race. You reap what you sow. He pretended to hum in a Pearl Jam band. And now he'll pretend to hum in the heaven above, which is not there.

Bye. And that would be the eulogy. And then I'd fuck your mom. No. Wait, you know what? It would probably be comforting to her. Yeah. So I appreciate it.

It's a tough time. I just want you to know that's not it. No mother likes to. It's not like I'm trying to treat her like a whore or anything. No. She's a wonderful woman. Let me tell you exactly how it'll go. Can you search Tinder by the keyword comfort fuck?

Don't write cum fuck. No, yeah. Don't shorten comfort. Definitely, yeah, yeah. You've got to spell that whole thing out. So, John Doerr, you live in the woods. You've lived there for years now. And you work... So sad. You work in the woods You've lived there For years now And you work

So sad You work in the Entertainment industry Which is I know Located here What was I thinking I just wasn't thinking

Do you like audition For things I don't know Do you drive in From Lake Erie For an audition Yeah what do you think I did today

For this I know That's what I was Worried about I almost felt guilty Inviting you on the show Because you live so far away When Graham contacted me And said Would you go on Jordan and Jesse's podcast?

Yeah. They're co-hosting Max Funcon. I said, Graham, anything for you. Yeah. And I thought it was happening up in the mountains like Max Funcon once was. Okay, yeah. Because I thought he was saying, you live up there. You might as well.

But then I said to myself, you know, it'll be fun to drive down the mountain on a Sunday and listen to the radio and not watch football. What? Yeah, I know. This is the 49ers game, huh? I really don't care about football. Unless there's three downs. So do you like water skiing?

That's the real question here. How do you feel about water skiing? I'm glad you asked. I've water skied in my life. I cannot drop a ski. But I enjoy it. I'm not good at it. Do you have a sea-do?

No. I see what you're asking because of Lake Arrowhead. I didn't even make that connection. I thought you were going to go into a story about water skiing. No, for somebody who's been to Lake Arrowhead like 10 times, all I really know is that I've seen sea-dos. Ah, yeah. That's all I really know outside of the UCLA Lake Arrowhead Conference Center. The beautiful conference center.

It is a beautiful conference center. Do you guys enjoy your time when you're there? We always have a wonderful time. And you play, I know there's volleyball nets and basketball courts. Do you guys do everything? Or are you so busy you just have to kind of go up and come back? We're quite busy, but last year Kumail Nanjiani, stand-up comedian and actor Kumail Nanjiani, had a great time playing tennis until he got heat stroke, went back to his room and-

Died. Vomited from a splitting headache for four hours. What a loser. So I can't recommend playing too much tennis. He did also eat a lot of plants that he found. That's true. And he was pretty hammered. To be fair- He'll do that. Don't blame tennis. He did also eat a lot of plants that he found. And he was pretty hammered. To be fair, he'll do that. Don't blame

tennis on what is actually just irresponsible foraging. Yeah. He does not forage responsibly. What is your favorite part about living in the mountains? None. I've got to go. I'm done. Really? You're over it. There's nothing good about it. Yeah, I'm completely done with it.

This bat has, it tipped, it was the tipping point of the bat. That's it? It's gone. You know, I got coyotes by my house. I live in Los Angeles. I have coyotes as well. I would love coyotes. Really?

Instead of a bat, yes. Okay. A coyote in my house, I'll take it. I don't know if it's a binary thing, like you get to choose between coyotes and bats. No, it's not. But if I did, yes, I'd prefer to have coyotes in my house than a bat. We got skunks. Yeah? Yeah. How do We got skunks. Yeah.

Yeah. How do you feel about those? Yeah. I mean, I'm not at all terrified by a skunk like I am a bat. They're pretty stinky. Yes. Hey, look it. They're not welcome.

Yeah. But I could deal with a skunk. Can you be friends with a skunk? I think they are pretty cute. Yeah, they are pretty cute. Yeah, they are really cute. I bet if we searched the world of unlikely animal friend videos, we would see like a skunk and a deer or a skunk and a dog who were friends. Yeah. I bet that exists. I don't know if they're cute.

They're innocent. They waddle. They have a little, yeah, I think their walk is very cute. The little side to side walk. Yes, their hind legs are almost too big for their short front paws. Wee woo, wee woo, wee woo, kind of like that. Oh, you are good. Yeah.

I'm known as the American Michael Winslow. They're famous for their cartoon sexual assault. Sure, yeah. So there's that. Yes, in cartoons, they've been portrayed as rapists, French rapists. Yeah, French rapists. I just think they're naive, probably. I think they're naive when they are not.

I think they know more than they let on. I think their faces are gross. Yeah. I guess I don't really know what a skunk face looks like. What's your favorite? We've got to look up a skunk face. What's your favorite forest animal, John? Now you're talking to a three-year-old.

Let's get to know the three-year-old. What sound does the cow make, John? There you go. It's kind of cat, but it was close enough. You did. I thought it was going to be a moo. You were right on board. There you go. It's kind of cat, but I mean, it was close enough. You did. I thought it was going to be a moo. You were right on board. Moo, yeah.

That was a genuine, you got it. I think it's obvious that I'm the Dave in this Dave Graham split up here, Jordan. And so I feel like I'm obliged to say something

about little children here. And that is- The movie starring Kate Winslet. Why do we spend so much of our time and energy? Do you think the voiceover was ham-fisted? Yeah, absolutely. Why do we spend so much of our time and energy teaching our small children about the name of the sound that animals make?

Oh, I like that skunk face. Sorry, John just showed me a skunk face. Like the top five things in children's books. Do you want to look like that skunk face. Sorry, John just showed me a skunk face. Like the top five things in children's books. Do you want to look at a skunk face? Colors, shapes, letters, numbers, what sound does a particular animal make?

Why do they need to know the last one? Yeah, you should probably, I mean, I think it's probably just a leftover from a time when farm animals played a bigger role in American life. Jesse also brings up a good point. Let's, the world, we're getting busier.

Let's shortlist that list. Like, let's knock off two. So how about this? Shapes and animal noise is gone. Can we add HTML? To the list? Of things we teach babies. It seems like it would be beneficial for babies to know HTML.

Well, yeah, but I think you got to go with color because then you find out is your baby colorblind? Sure. Is it blind? Yeah. Is it racist? I think sounds help, though, because, you know, hearing. Yeah. I think we keep that on the list.

That's a good point. And animals is probably a good one. Yeah. That's fair. Thank you. Let me ask you this. You list. And animals is probably a good one. Yeah, that's fair. Let me ask you this. Thank you. You've lived in- I'm a mountain man.

You've lived here in America for what, about six, seven years? Approximately. You're still using French language Google.ca? You know, that popped up about a week and a half ago. I was looking at a newspaper in Quebec, and it hasn't changed. That's amazing. Is that what it's like to be Canadian? What?

Just things are turning into French all the time? Yeah. I saw a headline from a Canadian newspaper the other day. Oh, go on. By the way, thank you for making me feel welcome. Go. That just blew your mind apart? Yeah.

I mean, I had to lay down after I read this. And I might be getting the exact wording of the headline a little bit wrong, but I think I'll get the spirit across. Okay. Yeah. Canadian RCMPs have to remove a goat from a Tim Hortons. That is beautiful. Has something more Canadian happened? That is beautiful.

Has something more Canadian happened? The only thing, like if it was a moose, then you're totally in another world of Canadiana. All I really know about Canada is what I heard on As It Happens as a Child. And all I really remember from listening to As It Happens as a Child is one time somebody in Newfoundland brought a frozen possum back to life by putting it in their oven. That was national news. These are Canadian news stories. That is beautiful. Why don't I read a headline and you tell me, is it American or Canadian?

Okay. Okay. This is fun. Man uses raccoon to start breathalyzer-equipped car. Raccoon then attacks driver. I'm going to say... I'm going to say America, Florida. Okay.

You've been given the state. I'm given the state. I get bonus points for that, right? That's fun. I like that. Yeah, let's go state as well. I'm going... Gee whiz.

I'm going to go... There's nothing riding on this. No stakes, no stakes. Well, I like this. I want to know the thought process. I'm going Mexico, DF, Day F-A, the federal district, Mexico City. Wow. And Mexico wasn't even a country option.

Well, that's why I had to think so hard. To think of something that wasn't on the list. It is America. It's outside of Detroit. And they attach the police report, which is hilarious because as you read on, the guy thought the raccoon was dead after he used it to breathalyze the car. That's the only part I don't really understand. How can you actually get a raccoon to blow into a breathalyzer?

Yeah, I mean, that's... I guess you just have to squeeze. So I'm not sure of this. Really? That seems dark. Maybe you do. You're right. Just give him a little squeeze. You probably do.

That's probably why he thought it was dead. So when he throws it, he thought it was dead. He threw the raccoon on the passenger floor. And then partway through the trip, the raccoon on the passenger floor. And then partway through the trip, the raccoon wakes up and then attacks him. The guy drives into a neighborhood fence into a swimming pool. So the story gets better. It's raccoon breathalyzer.

Comes back alive, attacks man, crashes into a swimming pool. And if you're going to crash into a fence, you might as well go into the swimming pool. Do you think we can steal this madcap scenario for our sequel, Bat Race? Well, we'd have to know. I mean, we'd be stealing it, and that would be on our conscience. Yeah, we can give this guy some money for his life rights. Then I'm down. I think Vin Diesel would be willing to play this guy, don't you? Oh, yeah, this guy lives his life a quarter mile at a time.

Yeah. I would love to just make it my life's mission to make this guy famous now. Like, go to him, meet him in prison and talk about- You're clearly the most innovative mind of your generation. Come on, the guy is. And I think we're all ready to see Vin Diesel in a comic role. Walks out of a bar, realizes I can't drive, goes into the forest, grabs a raccoon. Yeah, where did he- was it just-

It was in a park, a nearby park. In a garbage bin, I believe I mean, that tracks, that's where How do you catch him? I don't know I mean, this is why we need to meet this guy We need the whole story He just hid in a stream

And waited for the raccoon to come by to wash some food If he's that resourceful You'd think he would also be somewhat I don't know, someone who's willing to go grab a ride. He really needed his car. Yeah, it is a weird combination of idiot and genius that this guy is. Like, it's a special kind of creativity that he has, but it's clearly a dumb man. Yes, I don't disagree with anything you've just said.

Anyway, and I think that's why this is a perfect part for Vin Diesel, because I think his characters are complicated like that. Like they are hard to pin down. They're very complicated. They don't fit into a box. No. He does because he's shaped like a square. Yes. But yeah, I mean, I think his characters exist in this kind of moral gray area that I think this guy does.

So I think this is the perfect role. Name of the film. Vin Diesel is Raccoon Man. Just Raccoon Man, huh? No, no, I think that's the perfect role. Name of the film. Vin Diesel is Raccoon Man. Just Raccoon Man, huh? No, no, I think that's the whole title. The full title is Vin Diesel is Raccoon Man. The thing is there was already a script registered under Raccoon Man. Yeah.

So they had to call the film Vin Diesel is Raccoon Man. Yeah, it's sort of like... Oh, how about Rack Race? Rack Race. There we go. Yeah. Rack is the short of raccoon, of course. You got a little happy with that.

That was fun. It was. Rack Race. A rack race. The Raccoon War... No. Operation... Raccoon Storm?

Desert Coon. No. That's wrong for a lot of reasons. That's probably... War. No. Operation Desert Coon. No. That's wrong for a lot of reasons. That's probably, yeah. Yeah. Let's not do that one. Desert Rack, if you're going to go down that road. Sure, yeah.

Rack City. I don't think we need desert in here. Yeah, Rack City. Yeah. Guys, I have a question for you. Sure. Do you want to move on to overheards? I do.

Ty is a pedantic person. I think when he pronounces these words, it's in a very show-offy way. Gyro. Gyro. Sacrebleu. Sacrebleu. Ayers Rock. Uluru.

What you are witnessing is real. The participants are not actors. They are actual litigants with real cases. They call in via Skype to Judge John Hodgman's court, the real people's court. Now I call you to Judge John Hodgman's internet court. Find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts. I'm Biz. And I'm Teresa.

And we host a comedy podcast about parenting where we remind you that despite what the internet says, no one really cares what kind of parent you are. One bad mother. We're the friends with kids you want to hang out with. Check us out on iTunes and MaximumFun.org.

Overheard. Jordan, John, should we move on to Overheard. Jordan, John, should we move on to Overheard? We should. Jordan, Jesse, John, shut up. Wait a minute. Is that Colt Cabana? That's right. Professional wrestler Colt Cabana.

And I'm here for a little segment I like to call a Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News? It's a Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan news? It's a Hulk Hogan news. It's a Hulk Hogan news? It's a Hulk Hogan news? It's a Hulk Hogan news. It's a Hulk Hogan news. It's a Hulk Hogan news?

It's Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan news. Cold Commander, welcome back to Stop Podcasting Yourself. Always great to talk to you, friend. How are you? Yeah, well, I'm glad I could be here in Vancouver with you guys and stop in and just say hello. Listen, I know that we retired the Hulk Hogan news. It's been retired, but just like Hulk Hogan in 1993 when the steroid scandal came and he had to retire from the WWF,

sometimes you gum out of retirement in pro wrestling when WCW offers you a contract and the opportunity to make the movie and TV show Thunder in Paradise. You said it. Ladies and gentlemen, Hollywood Colt Cabana. Yeah. So in the same situation, I say Hulk Hogan News is out of retirement. Yeah. So, Colt, what do you got on the Hulk Hogan News docket there? What's been going on since Graham retired Hulk Hogan News?

Well, I mean, we're all aware, sadly, of the situation that has come about. But, you know, I didn't want to get too deep into it. But there's a situation here where Hulk Hogan, well, I'll read a headline that popped up today in the Google search, in the Bing search. The Undertaker will replace Hulk Hogan in an upcoming Pez dispenser set. Oh, no. What an embarrassment to Hulk Hogan to have your Pez dispenser usurped by your mortal enemy. Yeah. I think this is a situation where this could have been like how he was supposed to have the George Foreman grill, right? And then George Foreman made it huge.

Is that true? That's a no. Well, in his mind, just like Hulk Hogan played for Metallica before Metallica made it big. I think you're thinking of Dave Mustaine. Yeah. I think the sad thing is that Pez will now have the biggest comeuppance ever with Undertaker, and Hulk Hogan's going to be crying again.

Do you think that Pez is going to have to bury hundreds of thousands of Hulk Hogan Pez dispensers like the E.T. video game? I hope they make a documentary out of it and put it on Netflix. Don't worry, it's 2015. Literally everything that happens on the world becomes a Netflix documentary.

I mean, i think in hindsight i mean you know obviously this is a controversial decision but i think i'm with pes here uh and but i just don't agree with their initial uh their initial idea to make the pes dispenser say a racial slur every time it's open yeah that seems weird it was weird it was a weird choice and i'm glad they're correcting their mistake. I'm glad they changed their course on that one. What are the other professional wrestlers in the Pez wrestling set?

Does it say, Colt? Yeah, there's a John Cena. There's Dwayne The Rock Johnson. And that's it. And Hulk Hogan no more, sadly. So that seems weird that they wouldn't have Andre the Giant in there. Who cares about The Undertaker?

I mean, granted, he's been a professional wrestler for like 75 years now. Is he still a wrestling, right? Isn't The Undertaker like still in the WWF? Yeah, and he'll come back. He's hitting about 50. He'll come back once a year and have a performance at WrestleMania. So what about Andre the Giant? That guy's dead. Let's respect

his ghost. I think the smart move would be to have a giant Pez dispenser. A novelty giant one and have Andre be that. I like that. John Dora approves of that. He's giving that a hearty thumbs up. I think they agree.

I think they exist. Oh, yeah. Isn, yeah, yeah. Isn't there like a giant novelty Pez dispenser? There's definitely giant Pez dispensers. Whether there's one with Andre the Giant on it, yet. But they should only sell that one. I think Colt's going the same route, right? Like you think the same thing.

It's got to be only a giant one for Andre the Giant. The rest are small. Yeah. I mean, well, at least for the... You're welcome. Go on. No, no. Go ahead. Yeah.

No, that's it. And then also, I don't even know where it's at, but I know Hulk... I know somebody endorsed, like, gave Hulk Hogan a sponsorship. Like, everyone thought Hogan was, like, done for. I can't find it on here. But somebody, like, signed him up, and it was, like, a real low rent... Oh, it was like a sports betting website. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like a cash for gold type organization. Yeah. Now, Cole, as a wrestling fan, perhaps the biggest wrestling fan of the four of us, who would you like to see? And also as a professional wrestler yourself. Right. Who would you like to see immortalized as a Pez dispenser? The greatest honor that a wrestler can get. Wow. That's a great question. Some people would say, why not Macho Man Randy Savage?

Why not Ricky the Steamboat? I would say I'd like to see 1994 WWF icon Bastion Booger. Bastion Booger. Can you tell us a little bit about Bastion Booger. Can you tell us a little bit about Bastion Booger? I mean, that's just me. Bastion Booger was a very rotund man. He had the body of one of those bouncy balls that you sit on for your office chairs instead of. And he had kind of straps that would go across his body, revealing his ample bosoms. And he would pick his nose

throughout the match. I think this guy would make a great Pez dispenser. Yeah. Yeah. And what flavor are the Pez that come with that particular doll? I think I set you up for that one, right? They're booger flavored. I'm asking you.

I'm asking you. Definitely booger flavored. Also, I feel his Pez, instead of opening like his pets would like open at his stomach okay and you like pull them out of his guts like you're doing surgery on the wrestler yeah you're pulling it would make sense to pull it out of his nose wouldn't it i have to say for me personally colt there's no question that if i were the Pez company of Austria, I would be going with Warrior, the late period incarnation of Ultimate Warrior that had a lot of insane screeds. I think one big problem with a lot of professional wrestlers is insufficient screeds, not enough neologisms, not making up enough words. Sure.

So I would probably have a set of warrior ones. One that said generation warrior, one that said folk, which is focus, but it's about you, not us. And one that said distrusity, which is the capacity to destroy the problems that face you. Well, they took Hulk Hogan away because of the racial slurs that he made. You can easily go on YouTube and find the homophobic slurs that the Ultimate Warrior made in a DePaul University room. Oh, my. As a guest lecturer?

Yes, correct. That is correct. So maybe he wouldn't make the cut either. I say we stick with Bastion Booger, Jesse. Yeah, Bastion Booger seems like the safe one. He seemed like he loved everyone equally. He was just a gross guy wandering the earth. Much like Christ.

He was just a gross guy wandering the earth. Much like Christ. Hey, Colt, what department of the school brought in, did you say, who was it? Ultimate Warrior. It was DePaul University. It wasn't like, was it like the literary department? Was it like an inspirational, was it, like what was he there for? Business ethics.

Really? Yeah, I think that's true. That's probably correct. Is that from the Adam Sandler film? Oh, yeah, sure. That's a Billy Madison line. Business ethics. And then the dog is society. Colt Cabana, professional wrestler, host of the podcast The Art of Wrestling.

We thank you for gracing our guest appearance on Stop Podcasting Yourself with the long-since-disgraced segment, Hulk Hogan News. I'm glad I could add my two cents to the segment. Have a great show. And, of course, as being a Canadian podcast, I will be in Toronto doing my live podcast November 15th. ColtCabana.com, thank you.

Bye, Colt. The delightful Colt Cabana. Let's move on to Overhearts. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Say music every time. What's on your arm? It's a two. Yeah, what is it? It says,

Who shall say? It's a line from a poem. I like this poem. You know, usually we like to start with the guest when we're hosting Stop Podcasting Yourself. It's something we invented, Jordan and I. John, have you overheard anything interesting lately?

I didn't know we were doing overheards. You didn't know based on the four times in the past that you've been on Stop Podcasting Yourself. I didn't know we were doing Stop Podcasting Yourself. I thought it was just you two filling in for a week. I didn't know there were doing Stop Podcasting Yourself. I thought it was just you two filling in for a week. I didn't know there was this whole scenario set up

where you were revolving around podcasts. Let me think. Has a bat said anything to you? I'll see if I have some sort of overheard. I've got great news. I went to Disneyland,

so I have three overheards this week. I'll take one. Literally, my worst nightmare is that I will be invited to be on Stop Podcasting Yourself. And because I live in Los Angeles and never am in public, I will not have an overheard. But this was my best overheard week of my life.

That is a worst nightmare. Okay. So we were at It's a Small World. Myself, my wife, my four-year-old, and my about-to-be two-year-old headed for the happiest ride in the happiest place on earth. And there was a small old man on a rascal scooter with a neat mustache, like a slight, like he looked like maybe in a past life he had been a cat burglar. That's sort of the vague appearance.

But he was on a rascal scooter and he's just driving forward and it's not clear who he's talking to. But he just says at the top of his voice, all right, I'm about ready

to punch somebody square in the lip. Oh, wow. Yeah. What did you... You'd think you'd hear that more often. Sorry to interrupt.

You'd think you'd hear that more often at a Disneyland. Sure. Don't you think? Yeah. What did you... You'd think you'd hear that more often. Sorry to interrupt, but you'd think you'd hear that more often at a Disneyland. Sure. Don't you think? Yeah. Could you see what was happening around him? Was he trying to get a churro? Was it just...

Well, I mean, he definitely had the rascal going full throttle. So he's going a solid six miles an hour. Sure. You know, and that rascal... Yeah. Just bearing down on something. I mean, he was in, he was on the gate outside of It's a Small World. That was on one of his flanks. The other flank was a stroller parking area.

So I don't know which of those upset him. I can't tell you. Maybe it was just like, maybe it didn't have anything to do with Disneyland. Maybe it's just the political process or, you know or the media. Something like it'd be a more general problem. I was in a cafe in New Orleans Square waiting an incredibly long time for one of the worst meals I've ever eaten in my entire life.

My kids got macaroni and cheese. Yeah. It was worse than craft macaroni and cheese yeah boy significantly i was yeah disneyland disneyland food is it's it's really crazy how bad the food at disneyland is it's something that people don't talk about enough in relationship to disneyland the food is awful you think it's like they're the best at doing that right yeah it should be like to be the best theme park yeah it should be like it should be like the best mcdonald's burger you've ever eaten but it doesn't even rise it's like a weird

cafeteria it's like cafeteria food it's strange it's awful once you have people i don't know because i this is one of my i hate when places don't have good food when they should have good food and it's easy to make simple good things sure and it drives me nuts when things are incredible and it's got to be incredibly expensive. It was $24, my lunch. Your lunch. My lunch. The whole family's lunch.

The whole family, it was much more than that. Like over $100 for shitty cafeteria food. It cost $100 to get into Disneyland. That's the other thing. I thought $40.

$100. Yeah. I will never go. I don't think I will ever go. But your kids. Don't ever have a child in Southern California because you are fucked. I thought I would never go again. After I went, when I was, last. I don't think I will ever go. But your kids. Don't ever have a child in Southern California because you are fucked.

I thought I would never go again. After I went when I was, last time I went, I was maybe 23 or something. And I went with my wife's family. And my brother-in-law at the time was like 12. And it was like, okay, well, this is the last time I'll ever have to go to Disneyland. And then, yeah, you have kids. They go to preschool. All their friends go to Disneyland like once a month.

And there's just no way to keep them away from it. And Disney is programming them, and so it's impossible. Movies, it's impossible to stay away. The best part of Disneyland is you're overheard. I would have been like, that's what I want to see. That's the attraction for me. Well, there was one, so I was in this cafe eating my crepe. Well.

I know, but what am i supposed to eat uh there wasn't any room at the barbecue restaurant that i remember being vaguely fine um okay so uh there was a big family sitting across the road and uh there was this uh a big giant sort of 40 year old dad there and uh i just overheard it was like a big like grandma and grandpa were there and aunts and uncles and kids and and i just hear this guy say and i wrote it down right away it was the worst job i ever had in my life every single item on that menu card was so hard to pronounce wow yeah the guy didn't like it when he had to work at that french restaurant That menu card was so hard to pronounce. Wow. Yeah.

The guy didn't like it when he had to work at that French restaurant. Jordan, what do you got? You got an overheard for us? Yeah. I was putting air in my tires at the gas station. Car tires? Oh, car tires. Los Angeles.

I forgot. Go ahead. Moped tires? Yeah, I was filling my moped. And there were two guys hanging around the gas station. Can I ask you a quick question about your car tires? Do you check your car tire pressure? My leg light came on.

Okay. I've got a light for that. Got it. This is a new car. It's a new Prius. Sorry, I forgot he had a nice new Prius. It's the first light that's ever come on in the car. But what a good light.

It's a great light. It says, hey, just fill me up a bit. Everything's fine. A little bit. Take care of me. Don't panic. Yeah. At your leisure.

Put a tube in my butt. Yeah. I like it. Don't panic. A week, two weeks from now. So you're putting air in your car tire. Yeah. And there are two guys outside the gas station.

Gas station dirt bags. Yeah. Guys outside the gas station. Gas station dirt bags. Yeah. These are two guys with, like, giant bags of Cheetos or something. And, you know, like, giant sodas or energy drinks that they just got. And these, this is an important distinction.

These are not teens. Right. Like, they are too old to be doing this. Yeah. Like, they are dirt bags. Well, okay, go ahead. No, no, what's your concern? I mean, I don't know if we know they're dirtbags.

Okay. But I could be wrong. Perhaps your story will influence their description. Sure. I mean, these are guys who are pretty dirty. Homeless people? No, no, not homeless. These are not homeless guys panhandling. These are guys who maybe have had a little bit of a harder life than you? No, I don't know why we're making me out to be some sort of prejudice.

These are objectively dirtbags. No one is making you out to be anything, Jordan. Jordan has had a very hard life. I have had a hard life. I know, but it's this paranoia you always have. It's like I ask you a question and you're like, I'm not making them out to be bad. I'm just clarifying. John, did you even take the time to learn that Jordan grew up in Rwanda?

Yeah. So in Rwanda. Yeah. But anyway, so, okay, go on. So these are older gentlemen. These are people in their mid-20s. Mid-20s. Who are eating big bags of snacks.

Oh, assholes. Thank you. I'm glad you're on board now. Contributing to the economy, purchasing. Go ahead. Go ahead. Worst of all, snacking between meals. Yeah.

Snacking between meals. Ruining their dinner. Yeah. They learned, they weren't, their parents didn't raise them well. Go ahead. And just, I walk by and one of them says, yeah, I've got a great relationship with Audi of Beverly Hills. and one of them says,

yeah, I've got a great relationship with Audi of Beverly Hills. What could that relationship possibly be? I love that. It could just be like a Netflix and chill situation. Oh, yeah, sure. Like, yeah, friends with Bennys. Yeah. I guess I'm the only thing I can think of.

He sells drugs to a guy who works at Audi of Beverly Hills. That's possible. Yeah, that's a great one because, yeah. I'm glad that you bring to that because it actually, I had one other overheard that ties in very closely with that, which is I was hiking in Debs Park in Los Angeles, which is a pretty parky park. What's that mean? Where's Debs Park?

It's relatively wild given that it's in the middle of Los Angeles. Wild. Okay. Gotcha. Yeah. Parky park. I climbed up. I's in the middle of Los Angeles. Wild. Okay, gotcha. Parky park. I climbed up. I'm at the top of this hill. There's a little lake up there, and I see an old lady, but a sporty old lady.

Maybe she's in her mid-70s, but she's wearing athletic clothes. Sure. Like hockey equipment or just regular jogging clothes. No, lacrosse stuff. Oh,se go on yeah so uh she's got that national sport stick with a net at the end uh whatever else a lacrosse person wears yeah um so she's sitting there on a log and she's having the an incredibly loud telephone conversation and uh the first And the first thing that I hear out of her mouth, and her back is to me, the first thing out of my mouth, and she's talking in a ridiculous voice. So I'm going to do my best version of the ridiculous voice. But just know, this is not a parody of her voice. This is a.

You're trying to get it. Yeah. Okay. Apparently, from what I've heard from. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. Yeah, sure. Start over. Yeah. Okay. Apparently, from what I've heard from different sources, is that young people aren't driving cars anymore. Oh, that's great. Beautiful. I like that a lot.

Various sources. Yeah, from different sources. From deep throat. various sources. Yeah, from different sources. From Deep Throat. What I've heard from different sources and I'm like, how many steps do I have to take before it's appropriate for me to take out my phone

and write that down? I think she probably wouldn't register to her. Yeah. It was, it was awe-inspiring. Okay, we got something from Nick

from Ellensburg, Washington here. I live in a small town 100 miles east of Seattle that's known for the college, but mostly for its hay farming and cattle ranching. My wife was walking into the college library when she overheard some children playing. One kid asked the other two if they wanted to play a game. One responded and said, sure, what do you want to play? He said, I'll be a poor farmer and you convince me to sell my land.

Wow. Games are changing. Yeah, sure. And a little more specific. All of a sudden they're all Frank Capra movies. Okay, here's one from Mike in Texas. So in front of me in line at Subway was a kid maybe six or seven years old and his mom. Kid says,

Do you know what S-O-T-W stands for? Mom says, S-O-T-W? Smoke on the water. You need to keep practicing your guitar if you want to get good at that song. The kid said matter-of-factly.

I can do it with my mouth so I don't need to practice. The tie-ins. Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow Okay, we got one more from... That was a long overheard. That was... It was good.

Yeah, you had to hang around for that one. SOTW, that's like an internet slang thing, right? Yeah. What is it? Shit out... What is it? SOTW. Sands for smoke on the water.

Is that really it? Yeah. Hmm. I thought it was something else. I bet it's something else. It's something you post on Reddit if there's a fire in the sky. Okay, sure. Fire in the sky. That's sure. Fire in the sky.

That's every day. Sure. The sun, anybody? Hello. Hi. This is from Adrian. I thought you were saying hi. Oh, hi, son.

Hello. What's Adrian got to say? Where's he from? Where's Adrian from? New Hampshire. Oh, great. I overheard two of my coworkers discussing an Irish step dancing show one of them had seen over the weekend. I know that show.

This sounds like a fun group. I think I do know that show. Go ahead. Like a TV show? No, it's like a public access. I mean, unless it's something completely different, but it's a public access show where they show you highlights of this Irish folk band and they dance and they perform. And then at the end, it's like part of their fundraising drive and they sell their CDs and DVDs, but they've been coming to this country for years, but it's on all the time.

Okay. If he is in fact talking about this, which I don't know if he is. Here's the conversation. Yeah, go ahead. It was produced by... I'm an idiot. It was produced by a guy who did Lord of the Dance and Riverdance. That's not him.

Go ahead. Something totally different. It was produced by a guy who did Lord of the Dance and Riverdance. Oh, cool. So how was it? Well, it was pretty good, but I wish there'd been more dancing. I think that is what I'm seeing. Just a lot of... I'm back on board, yeah. There isn't'd been more dancing. I think that is what I'm seeing. Just a lot of...

I'm back on board, yeah. There isn't a lot of dancing. A lot of chatting and a lot of shots of Irish cliffs. You come up with anything yet, Dor? No, I got nothing. Okay. Well, you know, in a... I'm looking, I'm going to try and see if this is in fact...

When you put in Irish, what do you think the first suggestions are that pop up on... Potato famine. Goodbye. No potato famine. Goodbye. No potato famine. Goodbye. The Irish goodbye. It's where you leave a party and don't say bye to anybody. Oh, I didn't know that.

I do that all the time. Popular technique. Irish car bomb. Irish setter. Yep. Irish wolfhound. Irish embassy. There we go.

Sure. But no, I don't have an overheard. I wish I had paid more attention to what was happening with this podcast today and I would have at least got one on the way in. I thought that... I did stop for a coffee. Yeah. You could have heard some stuff while you were there.

I did overhear something, but it was in Spanish. So I don't even know what my overheard would be. I speak a little bit of conversational French, but that's about it. Hmm. Was it this? Feliz Navidad. No. See, that I would have French, but that's about it. Hmm. Was it this? Feliz Navidad. No, see, that I would have known, but it was not. There was something going on between cashier.

Bilingual cashier was impressed by that up in Lake Arrowhead, California. Sure. Impressive. And she was dealing with this gentleman in a very polite way and just being helpful to him. He had to run out to his car a couple of times, and they said something in Spanish. That's me overheard. It's good. I like that. It's pretty good. That something in Spanish. That's me overheard. That's good.

I like that. That's pretty good. That's really fun. It's a little story. We both had 7-Elevens in our story. Yeah, well, mine was a gas station. It was like a shell station. Oh, I thought for some reason I imagined a 7-Eleven because people hanging out front.

Yeah. 7-Eleven U. You know, guys, in addition to phone calls that you write into us, wait a minute. In addition to overheards you've written in, we also accept your phone calls that you write in to us. Wait a minute. In addition to overheards you've written in, we also accept your phone calls. Yes. Let's take a listen to the tape. Hello, Mr.

Shumka, Mr. Clark. This is Matt calling from the exotic land of Ohio where I was at a Sheetz just now and oversaw slash overheard a woman who was coming down with something, an illness, and she was purchasing four separate kinds of orange juice,

and then hurriedly said, Oh, yeah, and let me get a pack of cigarettes. Menthols. I think I'm coming down with something. Thanks guys, love the show. The smoker's rationale. I love it. You can smoke away that cold. I didn't get rid of that. How many calls, how many do we have? We got three, okay. Let's hear one more. That's a good one. I'm going to rate them. Hey, stop podcasting yourself.

This is Anshini from Virginia with an oversteam. I was just driving and I saw a man who was jogging but also juggling at the same time.

All right, love the show. Thanks. Wait, what was he doing? Jogging and juggling. Yeah. The old joggle.

Joggling. That is my favorite oversaw ever. It's pretty good. I saw a guy jogging and juggling. Okay, bye. Genuinely, that's my favorite. He's probably jogging to the pussy factory where he's the foreman.

Yeah. By the way, if that's an oversaw, I have 20 oversaws. What do you got? Do one. Just from this morning. Do one. I was driving down the street and this guy was in a blue car, and the cooler lid that was in the back, not car, truck, blue truck, and the cooler lid that was in the back of the truck flew up and landed in front of my car. That's pretty good.

Okay, bye. Okay, here's your final overheard of 2025. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Ani, and I'm from Sudbury. I was just in shoppers, and I haven't overheard for you. So I was in the aisle that had probiotics and personal products, stuff like that. Anyway, trying to find some probiotics for my daughter. Anyway, two bro-type teenage guys come by, and they're looking at the first control aisle, and they say to each other, dude, we got to get these ones.

This is what my sister said to get. So anyway, that was kind of creepy. Thanks. That's cute, though. Some families are closer than others. Yeah, but I also love the bro-type. It's cute. It's like, oh, he went to his sister. Yeah, but I also love the bro type. It's cute. It's like, oh, he went to his sister.

Yeah. Hey, sis. I know you've done more fucking than me, so what sort of condom should I get? Oh, Sudbury, Ontario. I love Shoppers. We were in a Shoppers. That's a chain. Yeah.

Well, it's Shoppers Drug Mart. Okay, it's like a Rite Aid or a CVS. Went down to Shoppers. Mm-hmm. Cute. That's very cute.ite Aid or a CVS. Yeah, like Rite Aid or Walgreens. Yeah, went down to Shoppers. Cute. That's very cute. Northern Ontario. It's fun. Good province.

It's not. Good province. What would you say is the top province? Winnipeg? John? Well, you got to go with Ontario. I was going to say Medicine Hat. As a province?

Yeah, you could. Who's the top band? Rush? Wrong. No, the Tragically Hip. It's Canada's greatest export. And they're playing at the Will Turn on Monday. Oh, will you be there?

Of course I'm going. With all the other leprechauns. Of course I'm going there. Are you going to be Irish on the way? Yeah. Stop at a shopper's, get a carbom. Oh, I'm off to get myself a setter before the Tragically Hip. I off to get myself a setter before the tragedy hits. I've got to have a setter

and put back a couple car bums. I think I'm Scottish now. But yeah. You became Northern Irish, maybe. I don't know what I was. When I'm in the mood

for something harder, I listen to Propagandhi. Yeah. Is that a band? It's a Canadian. Thank you. Propagandhi. I get it.

When I'm in the mood for something harder, I listen to Green Jello and their classic novelty song, Tree Little Pigs. It got quiet in here. I want to be clear. We're all just trying to figure out what this bit is. Yeah. Naming a Canadian band in an Irish voice. I was not yes-ending Jesse very well there.

I thought there might have been more to say you looked like you were about to say words I was but I didn't think you were done and then it got quiet and I was like it's too late to jump in now might as well shine a light on this moment well the good news guys is that we've taken this opportunity to ruin

Stop Podcasting Yourself for everyone I think it's about the same John Doerr stand-up comedian to ruin Stop Podcasting Yourself for everyone. Yeah, I think it's about the same. Yeah. John Doerr, stand-up comedian. Where can people learn more about John Doerr? Nowhere. Really? Just live your life. Just do your thing.

You'll be at the Tragically Hip concert this week. Come by the hip at the Will Turn and I'll chat with you. Okay. Yeah. No, but if you do want to know where I'm performing, I will be at the Will Turn on Monday. And depending on when you listen to this podcast, it's the next Monday. Depending on when you listen to it.

Yeah, depending on when you listen to it, it's always the next Monday I'll be at the Will Turn. John Doerr, if you get a chance to see him do a stand-up comedy around this great nation. Do not. Or other great nations, such as Canada. Sure. The Mexican state of DF. Oh, I'll be in San Francisco for some weird festival on the 17th and 18th. Well, there you go.

Some weird festival? I don't know the name of the festival, but it's on the Treasure Island. Oh, yeah. That's a big festival. It is? Yeah. Okay. Well, they're doing comedy this year.

Oh, great. Well, you know what they always say. Where do you want to do comedy? During the day? In a tent? Outdoors? In a tent on a landfill island i don't know if they it is during the day or it probably is but yeah it's in a tent for sure

no sound barrier so if you're in that area don't go see the music go toward the tent yeah well come to the tent and then real have the common sense to go watch realize that it's not the ideal venue for comedy. Yes. I'm sure you'll be hilarious. I'm sure you will transcend the awkward setup. It's possible I won't be. I think it'll be great.

Maybe you'll see your old buddies from Soundgarden up there. That'll be awkward. We haven't talked in a while. It'll be nice to see them. It'll be really great. Have you been talking to any of the boys from Jam? No, Bad Blood. PJ?

Bad Blood. Bad Blood. What happened? Well, have of the boys from Jam? No, Bad Blood. PJ? Bad Blood. Bad Blood. What happened? Well, have you heard that Taylor Swift song? Yeah, yeah. Why? That's what it's about. Oh, no.

It's about my breakup with Pearl Jam. I was out with Taylor, and I was just kind of recounting the whole unpleasantness. Right. And she's like, I think there's a song in there. Do you want to write it? And I said, I'm out of the business. This is terrifying. Why don't you take it? Yeah. And now the remix of that song is quite popular guys i talk a

lot to my friends from the gap band yeah i was never in the gap band i'm just good friends with them okay yeah charlie wilson and the boys did you ever want to be in the gap band sure when the song oops upside your head came out it's a great I thought to myself, I would love to be in this band. I'd die to play mouth bass on that song. Yeah. Well, Brian Fernandez has been on the boards and laughing outside the booth this week on our show. Our thanks to Dave and Graham for letting us host their show. Honestly, I have been a huge Stop Podcasting Yourself fan

since before they joined MaximumFun.org, which is now, I don't know, seven years ago. I'm so grateful that they're part of our movement. God, part of our movement? What am I? I don't know. Is this Scientology? Yeah.

But I'm so grateful to them for their show, and so grateful they shared our show with us, and so grateful that you listened all the way through, despite the fact that we're not Dave and Graham. John Doerr is John Doerr, to his credit. Yeah. But we're not Dave and Graham. Now, when you introduced the show, and you were introducing me as the guest, you mentioned reviled. Yeah. I think you're a controversial Stop Podcasting Yourself guest, John.

I don't think I am. Yeah, I think there's- I show up. Right. I speak my mind. Right. And I leave. So when I say-

When I say- Yeah. There's some people that don't like you. I'm mostly talking about the PC police. You never said that. You said reviled. Oh, PC police. Yeah, the PC police revile you.

Oh, who are the PC police? They're people who don't think that you should speak your mind. These are social justice warriors. No, but what? Okay. Online, who think that, you know, you should. You shouldn't be able to. Sure, you shouldn't be able to as a white.

Yeah, but they have the right to. Oh. Yeah. I see. As a noted white. Right. Yeah. Anyway.

Well, anyway. Thank you noted white. Right. Yeah. Anyway. Well. Well, anyway. Thank you for asking me to come in. It was a lovely drive in from the mountain today. I got to oversee that cooler lid fly off. It sounds like that was fun. And it was foggy up the mountain. Yeah.

Yeah. So that was dangerous, but well worth it. Yeah. Well worth swerving along that canyon road to get here. Can I just say, can I say one thing

before we leave? Anything you want. You're welcome. Mm. Yeah. Good job, everybody. Hey, if you like the show, tell your friends.

Talk about it on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com. On Facebook, search for Stop Podcasting Yourself. Follow Dave and Graham at Dave Schumke and at Graham Clark. Or just one of them if you don't want to follow both. Yeah. Like pick a favorite.

Yeah. Graham. I think Jordan would recommend Graham. I would recommend Dave. I like them both. They might be two sides. Why don't I tie break it? Okay. Who do you recommend? Just pick Graham. Yeah, pick Graham.

All right, well. Or Dave, actually. Can I say this? Or pick Dave. I'm switching teams to Graham now. Why? Because I'm on Dave? I prefer unanimity.

I don't like conflict. You want us all to get... Okay. Well, then I'm going with Dave. I like Dave. Okay. Why don't you like David? I don't like him because...

He has a child. I know. That's one of the things I don't like about him. You have a child? I know, that's one of the things I don't like about him. You have a child. I've got two. Yeah. You don't like that he has less children than you. Oh, you want him to have two children.

Yeah. Two childs. Dave, Abby, get busy. Get in there. Get all up in that. Yeah. Put a bun in that oven. Hey, Dave.

Hey. Go fuck Abby. Yeah. No, fuck her. Put the thing in the thing don't say that why would it will the PC please come and tell me yes they will yes yeah yeah it's a beautiful because

you're not using door you're using gender pronouns John door has been our guest on stop podcasting yourself Steve go get I come on back next week for more for more Stop Podcasting.