Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 423 - Julia Hladkowicz

Episode Date: April 25, 2016

Comedian Julia Hladkowicz joins us to talk corn, going cross-eyed, and first class lounges. Plus, a Girl Scout vs. Girl Guide cookie showdown.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 423 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who is joining me in my hate for this heat and this summertime weather, Mr. Dave Shumka. Oh, it's too hot guys. It's too hot!

My little patoot is a furnace. Exactly! Took the words right out of my mouth. My little patoot is a furnace. Exactly. Yeah. Took the words right out of my mouth. This is just the beginning. This is the smallest wave in the ocean of hot that is coming. We're two months away from summer. I know.

I'm still supposed to be jumping in puddles. There were the kids doing the opposite. That's sort of the same thing. Today they were in sprinklers. What? Already? Kids in sprinklers today. You know what? I found out all the sprinklers at my house don't work.

All the outside faucets don't work. Oh, they're just dummy. Dummy faucets. So no sprinkler for me this summer. But the sprinklers work. Well, I have no way of testing them. Okay. And our guest today. They're not just fake sprinklers that people are hiding of testing them. Okay. And our guest today.

They're not just fake sprinklers that people are hiding a key underneath. I'll check. I'll check when I get up. Very funny comedian. First time guest on the podcast. Podcast. Well, this whole thing's in the toilet. Miss Julia Ladkowitz is our guest.

Hi. Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming, being on the show. I'm so excited, and it's not too hot. It's perfect. Oh, stop. You're all crazy. No, you live in frosty other side of the country.

This is too hot. It's too hot. It's probably still snowing where you're from. No, where I'm from. I'm not from, like, the Arctic. It's definitely not snowing in Florida now from. No, where I'm from. I'm not from like the Arctic. It's definitely not snowing. It's proper now. The Arctic's number one comedian.

Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. So, Julia. Yes. Hi. Hi. You just, out of thin air, got married.

I did. What? Yeah. I didn't know that. I got married to a lovely man. Who? Matt O'Brien. Did you know him beforehand? I knew him for a little bit.

Just about six years. Yeah. But this was not, there was no lead up. Were you guys engaged? Not really. Yeah. Well, we had talked about it. We did this all very sneakily.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, well, we had talked about it. We did this all very sneakily. Yeah. So we had been together for six years, and we'd always talked about, you know, eventually and whatever. And it just seemed like, why the heck not? Let's just do it, and let's do it small. And it all, like, worked out so perfectly. My aunt Jen married us. She's a judge.

Weird. Female judge. What? Unheard of. Yeah, I can't adjudicate this case. She's a judge. Weird. Female judge. What? Unheard of. Yeah, I can't adjudicate this case. It's my son. Yeah. I don't remember how that one goes. My son is the murderer.

No, but it was like you posted it on Facebook, and it was like a lot of people were like, oh, this is a surprise. Yeah. So was it just you two and the judge? No, no. It was. Who made the list?

A mass wedding of 20,000 Koreans. Yeah. And you. Yeah. No, it was like 16 or 18 of us. And just like a couple of my really close girlfriends. And then just family. Okay.

That was it. And it was in Ottawa over Easter weekend. Are you from Ottawa? I am from Ottawa. close girlfriends, and then just family. Okay. That was it. And it was in Ottawa over Easter weekend. Are you from Ottawa? I am from Ottawa. What was the amount of time that passed between deciding we're getting married and then wedding? Like two weeks. Oh, whoa. Wow.

Short engagement. Yeah. Real short. Yeah. So you were just like, but like, were you just sitting around and like, eh, why don't you just? Our anniversary was coming up and we're like, let's just do it. We're going to go out to dinner anyway.

Like, exactly. And we were already going home for Easter weekend and all like my close friends were going to be there. And like, it just worked out. Like my sister's a wedding photographer. His sister makes like beautiful cakes. So it all just sort of like fell into place really perfectly. And I don't know't i was one of these people i was like maybe i don't know if i will get married like i like the idea of wearing like

a dress and being the center of attention sure but um me too yeah exactly don't we all so i don't know it was just kind of nice to do it small but eventually we are going to have like a wedding-ish party with family and friends in toronto right or you just don't you just slowly that just feeders out yeah are you gonna wear a dress obviously what did you wear to this wedding i wore a dress but it was like above the knee it was white it was it was bridal but it wasn't like a full-on wedding dress wait what's the difference does the wedding dress have to go below the knee? Oh, yeah. A wedding dress has to be, like, to the ground. I don't know, remember

the floor length, and then some. I just remember the November Rain video, the lady in that had a real, real high skirt. Oh, yeah, that's true. Well, let's not base all marriages on that cool music video. Not all marriages, just the cool ones. So,

did you get married on top of a piano like in that video? Or at like a desert chapel with Slash outside? I wish. It was just my parents' fun little living room. And I'm so awkward. In that video, it starts raining and people are just like... They lose their minds. They lose their minds they lose their minds

and someone jumps through the cake that's the big thing it starts raining and somebody jumps through the cake and it's the best thing that

well I wish I had known I would have recreated it was he wearing like a cotton candy suit and he was like I can't get this wet otherwise everyone's going to see my

little patoot yeah so yeah you were saying you were in your family's living room yeah so I'm like in the sweat. Otherwise, everyone's going to see my little patoot. Yeah. So, yeah, you were saying. You were in your family's living room. Yeah, so I'm like walking down the aisle,

which is just like down the stairs through the foyer into the living room. What music's playing? Any music? No One's Gonna Love You by a band of horses.

Oh, okay. CeeLo covered it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to sing it anyway. I'll sing it. It's like our song. It's really nice. Oh, okay. CeeLo covered it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to sing it anyway. I'll sing it. It's like our song. It's really nice. Me, me, me, me, me.

Spot on. There you go. I'm walking down, like, and everybody's just standing in the living room, and I didn't want to cry, so I was, like, trying to keep a light, so I'm just, I'm, like, shaking hands and, like, hey, thanks for being here, looking good, and, like, my mom's like, Jesus Christ. That's why politicians shake so many hands, to keep from crying. Right? They're just always on the verge of tears.

Must keep busy. But then the vows happened, and we wrote our own vows, and I cried like a baby. Were they fun vows, or were they serious vows? They were serious vows, but with a hint of fun. I got a big laugh break on one of mine. What did you get out of it? And it wasn't really meant to be funny, like I got a big, like laugh break on one of mine. Well, what did you get out of it? It was just,

and it wasn't really meant to be funny, but I was just like, I promise to remain calm in stressful situations. And at this point I'm like, like freaking out. So, uh, it was, I was not calm and I already broken that promise before we even got married.

And then we had an exit song. Uh, we, we exited to, um, the, the had an exit song. We exited to the Frasier theme song. Oh, sure. Toss salad and scrambled eggs? Yeah. That's a lot of fun.

We both love Frasier so much. That's who you should get to adjudicate the wedding. Adjudicate? Yeah, adjudicate's a thing. Yeah, people vote. And they tell you what you did wrong with your wedding. Did Frasier sing, was it the same? I feel like he mixed it up from episode to episode.

Were there different versions? No. Okay. Same one. Yeah, Tossed Out, Scrambled Eggs. Which I only found out, like, maybe a year ago, that the guy who wrote that was, he was trying to think of two things that were really mixed up. Yeah. That's why it's Todd Saladin's grave.

Frazier's talking to mixed up people on the radio every day. And that's why he says they're calling again. Because he's a calling guy. Good night, Seattle! Frazier has left the building. What is that Frazier impression? I'm Frazier Crane! The perfect.

It's like there's two of them in here. Lily? You're not on this show, are you? Frasier Crane. The perfect. Like there's two of them in here. Lily. You're not on this show, are you? Did people bring presents to this small little kind of? Yeah, some people gave little presenties. Do you want to know what I got? I'm kind of curious. Weird question.

Well, because like for a small thing, I don't know. Like if you went to just a city hall wedding, would you bring a present? Yeah, that is weird, I guess. I mean, we had, it's not like, we had like a reception after. So we went to this really nice restaurant and it was like a set menu and a nice meal. And you went around with a big bucket and put your presents in here. It was like a pay what you can wedding. Everybody did about five minutes.

It was mandatory. You had to. Yeah. So, but it wasn't expected. But if like some people wanted to. Yeah. I didn't get like a KitchenAid mixer or anything. You know, that's the one thing.

And I'm like, man man i want to like register i want to need that counter space though kitchen appliances i know but i also need to make bread now that we're married i'm finally gonna make some bread i i make a lot of bread do you really yeah i just i have a food blog look at me plugging my own shit. Yeah. Am I allowed to say shit? See? You're not allowed to say food blog. Yeah. What's it called? Food blog. I wish I just called it food blog.

Not by saying it. I am food blog. No, it's called eatingwithjulia.wordpress.com because it's the free one. Yeah. And I just talk about what I eat. Super cash. It's not recipes? It is. It is. It free one. Yeah. And I just talk about what I eat. Super cash. It's not recipes? It is recipes.

Yeah. But it's not in the typical way that a blog or sorry, like a food blog is just like, this is a recipe and I'm a robot. I'm like, I'm fun. Wait, wait, wait a minute. That second part. I am a robot. Why am I listening to a robot? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here's what I made. Fuel. Yeah, their taste sensors aren't the same as mine. Or it's just so mechanical. Batteries. I ate batteries today. Battery ravioli. Yeah, with tiny little, those little watch batteries sprinkled on top.

What I read, I don't read food blogs, but I subscribe to a lot of them. And if something looks good, I'll bookmark it. And then when I'm in a grocery store, I'll find things that look good and then I'll just buy those ingredients. It's a system. But a lot of food blogs, and I don't know,

I'm entering into this without knowing what yours is like. Oh, God. There's many paragraphs of this person's backstory before every recipe. Oh, so there's a story before the food? Um, not, I kind of get to the point, like it used to be different when I had it on Tumblr.

It was more just kind of like what I was eating in a week. And it was more of just people would read it because they liked my writing and whatever. But then when I moved over to WordPress, it's like broken down into like just one recipe kind of a week. And then there's categories. So if you want like chicken recipes, you click on it and then all of my chicken recipes will come up.

Something like that. So I kind of, I get into it pretty quickly because I noticed that too. Are you a good cook? Well, yeah. Okay. Do you make the, like, do you make the, make up the entire recipes from scratch?

Yeah, that's what I was wondering. It depends. Sometimes like I have, cause like I cook a lot without recipes and sometimes, yeah, I'll just like create something. And other times I'm like, I'm going to take on this challenging recipe and try this. It's like a real hodgepodge. I never like, yeah, unless something's gone wrong and we don't have the things I need to cook. I basically always need like, I have a plan from start to finish.

You don't ever throw in an extra? I'll throw in an extra thing, but usually it's like, ah, we ran out of basil, so I'm going to, you know, use band-aids. So you're going to use what? Band-aids. Yeah. Anything that starts with a B. Yeah.

Treaded banana. Same size. I like cooking without a recipe, and that's what I, in a lot of my things, I'm like, look, if you don't have this, use this. If you don't have this, use that. So you're cooking without a recipe. And that's what I, and like a lot of my things, I'm like, look, if you don't have this, use this. If you don't have this, use that. Cause.

So you're cooking without a net. Yeah. On the net. Exactly. Why isn't that the name? Thank you. Cooking without a net, food blog.

On the net. On the net. Net. Yeah. Dot a net. Now, do you have a specialty? Like,

is there something that. Say, say we're going on. Say my boss is coming. My boss is coming over. It's my first date with my boss is coming. Yeah, my boss is coming over. It's my first date with my boss. And I told him, you're cooking it. You're cooking for us.

Yeah, I told him that I have a personal chef. Yeah. I'm trying to impress my boss so much. But we have to go to your house for it. Because, anyway. So I'm cooking for you and your boss, who's your lover? No, no, no. I just want to...

Well, I mean, if things go right. It's our first date. We're not lovers yet, but here's hoping. Okay. So what would I do to impress your boss and make you lovers? I think this is actually a recipe from my grandma, and then my mom would make it, and it's called caper chicken.

I hardly know her. Y'all know what capers are? They're the little guys, little green guys. Yeah, they're little berries. What are they? They berries uh what are they they're berries are they really berries they're caper berries they're like the worst berry well they're not like you're not gonna put it on yogurt or exactly granola oh you will put it on a chicken yeah so what happens you put it in the skin is it one of those deals no no what if there was a like one of those yogurts and with all the fruit on the bottom. A bunch of capers on the bottom.

Like olive chunks. Some tapenade. You know what? That'd be good with just like plain Greek yogurt. See? Stir it up. Where you see just a joke premise, she sees possibility for an actual recipe. Oh my God.

I could make caper yogurt and then just. It would be a good April Fool's Day break. No, that would be so good with a little pita chip. Come on. That would be pretty good actually. Once you said olives and I was would be so good with a little pita chip. Come on. That would be pretty good, actually. Once you said olives, and I was like, I like that. Yeah. Yeah.

So caper chicken. Caper chicken. It's like a cream. It has like heavy cream, so it's really rich. And then it has like the brine of the capers. Yeah. Oh. And then there's a lot of like fresh thyme and sage and savory, a lot of herbs. Mm-hmm.

It's just real nice. You did your herb voice. Herbs. And then I like to serve it with like egg noodles so it like, because there's like a lot of sauce.

Yeah. It's so good, but it's so rich though. Too rich? No, it's not too rich, but make sure. This is my first date with the boss.

Yeah, don't worry. As long as you're not like lactose, you'll be fine. Well, what if my boss is like, I was going to give you a raise,

but from the looks of this meal, you're already too rich. Oh, yeah. You've already got so many capers and rich cream. But yeah, you got to make sure you use the heavy cream because I've made the mistake. I'm like, I'm just going to use like 18% cream and it curdles. It's not going to hurt you. It's just not good. It's going to be gross.

It tastes fine. It looks fucking gross What happens? Does it look all chunky like? It curdles It's the same thing If you put like lemon juice In like milk or whatever I've done this before

Lemon juice in milk? No just using the Not fat enough cream Yeah And then also like Leftovers aren't as good Cause it just separates Yeah

Oh okay You need the whole fat But it's real good. We're learning. Do you, all your cooking, you're all kind of self-taught? Or did your mom teach you a lot and then you just went off on your own? Yeah. Like, so I learned from my mom and my grandma.

I would just like watch them cook. So they would be in the kitchen and I would just like watch them like they were a cooking show. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Why aren't cooking shows like that anymore? I don't know. Now they're all competitions. They're so weird now.

I used to like watch like the Urban Peasant and like What's for Dinner with Ken and Mary Jo and it was just like straightforward. What was the Yan Ken Cook? Oh yeah. Yan Ken Cook. And then there was also, wasn't there a show where it was, it was called Dinner in a Movie? Yeah. And there was, they would cook something and then they,

it would be like, you'd watch the movie and then the ad breaks. Yeah. I don't remember that. It was on, I don't know, PBS or something. And they would always,

the recipe would be like, well, we're watching die hard. So these are fried, hard boiled eggs. It would be some dumb fry hard boiled eggs. It's fry hard. Yeah. But yeah, it would be some dumb fry. Ew. Hard-boiled eggs. It's fry-hard. Yeah.

But yeah, it would be some kind of pun. But it was like fun because it was just like people making something. Right. But now it's like, you are only allowed to use your left hand. I know. And mix everything with this twig. I know. I was watching Cutthroat Kitchen on the plane today.

I'm like, this is getting ridiculous. One guy had to like, his prep station was like in a hammock i'm like what it's already hard enough leave him alone he's gonna cut himself yeah but like is it that people just don't want to watch people just making a good thing they want to watch them make a crappy thing i don't know i heard through the grapevine that um the most popular show on the food network is Pioneer Woman, where she's basically like, I'm going to cook for my man and my family and do this. And apparently that's what people do like. Does she only have like Pioneer era ingredients? No, she doesn't.

She just like lives on a farm and has like red hair. Oh. Like all the pioneers. They're all ginger um yeah because like uh uh do you uh do you have like a little herb garden or something like that i i don't have a green thumb every time i uh buy herbs like and try to like plant something they'd die so no could maybe your husband does he do anything is he gonna be the gardening guy i don't think so oh brother what are you gonna have to bring somebody that reminds me i have to call him Is he going to be the gardening guy? I don't think so. Oh, brother.

What are you going to have? Who would bring somebody in? That reminds me. I have to call him and tell him to water the plants. They're probably dead. He's giving them Pepsi Max. Yeah. The only, because they still have like Nigella and Jamie Oliver.

Sure. People who actually just like. Jamie Oliver is the best. But those shows, they get way too close up to the food like on the competition shows they don't seem to get as close but like you'll just get a screen full of cream like the food is just like takes up the entire i like that i like a screen full of cream um if uh if in the course of your show business career you were able to pitch a cooking show do you have an idea well what would be your ideal cooking show i i and i was maybe going to pitch it and um and and i have i have like auditioned for a ton of like food network style shows and like gotten close to them, but then they go with, you know, Tori Spelling's ex-husband or something.

Oh, yeah. No, I wasn't up for that, but that's just an example. How did he get that gig? I don't know, and I don't want to speak out of turn here, but I don't like him. It's your turn. He's listening to this. I don't know. I don't want to talk crap about anybody

the most famous person from canada now is he canadian yeah he is okay canadian yeah i didn't when he was on that show chopped and he was married to mary joe from what's for dinner with ken and mary joe what whoa i don't know i i only lied earlier when I said I knew what that show was you never saw What's for Dinner? no Mary Jo was like the tall woman who would always be sassing are they the guys who were like keep fit and have fun no

that was Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod Don Johnson and Hal Johnson I'm looking up cooking with Mary Jo on my phone it's What's for Dinner with Mary Jo cooking with Mary Jo on my phone. It's what's for dinner with Mary Jo. Cooking with Mary Jane. So that knob, that guy, she was married to him. They broke up.

And then she wrote a book, be like, so my ex-husband married Tori Spelling. She's like, what nightmare am I living in while this is happening? And then maybe because of that food connection, he got this job. Oh, weird. Because of that food connection, he got this job. Oh, weird. It's weird because of all the people that you could conceive of being left for, Tori Spelling would be near the bottom.

It would be so confusing. Jenny Garth, sure. Yeah, sure. I can't imagine Matt and I breaking up and he's like, Now I'm with Tori. Sorry, I'm with Gabrielle Carteris now. Did you find it, Dave? Yeah, I know, she's got kind of a smoky voice A little bit Yeah, I know this lady

Like she drank too much liquid smoke? Is that her now? Mary Jo Eustace? Oh yeah, I think so She's the one in this picture who's not Tori Spelling Oh yeah, real litter Oh yeah oh yeah real real what a babe um so so for a show so i do i host like a youtube show that i haven't done in a while um called viral kitchen okay and it's a show where i create a dish based on a story that went viral um this is how it sounds like um

dinner in a movie. Well, when you said that, I was like, oh, no. Am I ahead? Oh, no, no, no. This is great. It's like, so the videos are, it's like two and a half minutes, three minutes. And I wanted to pitch it kind of as a show.

Like if I were to do it as a show, almost like a talk soup kind of thing or like a Tsh.0 but specifically with with food stuff and um yeah i like it i think it's fun because like the videos are super fun so it'd be like charlie bit my finger and then you make something with lady fingers yeah or uh the most viral line producer the most viral uh food thing of the past week michael Buble ate a bar of corn in the wrong way. A bar of corn? If only there was a word. I don't know. Cob? I almost said nub. I'm like, what is it called?

Yeah, that picture of him just like eating it like a banana. It made me so sad for some reason. I love any picture. There used to be a picture of Vince Vaughn eating ice cream. Yeah, looking miserable? No, just he's like eating it really funny.

Like he's eating it like he's not in public. Right. And that's what I feel like Michael Bublé was doing. Chewing on the end of this corn. Or like brushing his teeth with it. He just looks like he's having a good day Thank you for not saying blowjob Yeah No because it didn't

It wasn't like that It just looked like he was like What is this? Yeah it's like a dog trying to eat a Oh yeah with the two Kind of angling his head a bit Yeah It's like he had never seen corn before

And was like Well I've seen Fruits and vegetables shaped this way. Yeah. This has got to be it, right? Yeah, let's try it. And then I saw someone posted, like, Michael Buble answers people's comments about his corn eating in the most hilariously perfect way. Was he dressed like the Jolly Green Giant?

Oh, I have no idea. I'm not watching that garbage. Was he like, I'm very sick Giant What did he say Oh I have no idea I'm not watching that garbage Was he like I'm very sick Please leave me alone Yeah I don't know what things are I just

I have to record A Christmas album every year The pressure's just too much Yeah Yeah Michael Buble Cracked Eats corn In ridiculous

So how's the How you liking the temperature now? It's steaming. All this corn talk. Woo! Julia has taken off her sweater and is now all this perfect temperature talk. It's on the other foot. So do you cook? Are you like always the cook in the relationship?

Or does Matt, does he have a specialty? No. Well, his specialty, I did air quotes. And an eye roll. The one thing he makes is like pork chops with peas and mushroom rice and applesauce. And it's good. That's pretty good. Yeah.

But he doesn't, he's like scared because he'll watch me cook and he's like, I don't understand. There can be four ingredients in the fridge and you can be like, okay, I'm going to make this out of it and just like not have a recipe and just make something delicious. He's like, I don't know what flavors go with each other and he needs a recipe. He needs to follow it. Yeah. Yeah. I think I do too. I don't think I know what goes there.

Even when we're at like buffets, like he's, we went to like aninclusive and like every time after dinner he'd be like oh my stomach because he'd be like overwhelmed with choices so we'd get like a pancake and like raspberry syrup and then like a piece of like steak and then this weird like bean mixture and then all this crap on it i'm like no you have to how do you not know what goes together? There's a food. How do you know what foods go together? There's a book called, I think it's like the food Bible or something. And it like, you look up whatever food and it will tell you what goes with it. Huh? That's not bad.

I mean, I'm never gonna, I don't really cook that. So you can make stuff without a recipe, I guess, based on that. Yeah. Is it like the. But you can just intuit these things? Yeah, because I've been doing it for so long, and Matt's just like, I can't do it. In the same way that Matt does things like editing without even thinking about it anymore, because he's done it for so long, and he just has a certain amount of intuition with it.

And for me, I'm like, I can't. It's because I haven't ever... I spilled food on the computer. Beating the computer with a cup of corn. There were four things in the fridge and I put them in the computer and I couldn't edit a recipe. So it's just, yeah, it's what you get used to, I guess. And I learned from a young age, I'm like, I like to eat. I'm going to make sure I always.

And Matt used to always watch his grandmother edit. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, she's doing the old reel to reel editing. Yeah, I never, that's a weird thing. Like, I never picked up anything, I don't think, from my parents, watching my parents do stuff. Well, I guess I learned how to mow the lawn. That's cool. Yeah, but I mean, you know, I don't have a lawn now haven't had for many years well yeah what would you pick up just from watching your parents i don't know how to love sex i'm sorry gross yeah but no you're right you know what like we all learn how to eat corn on

the cob regularly right that? That's true. I guess I picked up just, like, yeah, social pleasantries. Although my granddad would eat corn on the cob really weird. He had, like, a farm. And that's another thing. He had a farm, and my sister and I would— He's sort of a pioneer man. Yeah, he's a pioneer man.

Red hair. Yeah. And we'd help him with his farm, like, all summer because my parents would work, so we'd spend time on the farm and we i remember like picking like corn on um corn off the cuff corn yeah corn on the yeah what am i having a stroke what's happening i remember picking like fresh corn and you could eat it raw because it was like so fresh but my granddad and he didn't like to waste anything at all so we'd like he'd bite the corn just like, hot, hot, hot, almost like a Pac-Man type thing. He'd eat the corn, and then he'd shut his teeth

and then just drag the corn back and forth across his teeth and suck to get all that corn milk and all those little nibblings. Corn milk is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life. But it's kind of milky. Yeah, it is kind of milky. And then my Grammy would just be like, Bill.

Come on, Bill. You're an embarrassment. Bill Corn Milk Ladkowitz. It sounded like an alien sucking corn milk out of corn. Are you kids watching Species in there? No, Grandpa's just eating corn Yeah Anyway, now he's dead

Oh, wow It wasn't because of corn, but I love you, Granddad Did you, um, you used to spend every summer on the farm? Uh, it wasn't, it wasn't like a farm, full farm So it was, um, he, like, rented, like, a plot of land Just outside of Ottawa Right So, um, so yeah, because we never had, like, babysitters.

So my parents would work during the summer, so we'd just spend, like, full summers with my grandparents. Wow. Yeah. So that, because that sounds very, that sounds like a very kind of idyllic childhood in the summer, go out to the farm, run around. Yeah, it was really nice. And then we'd sell pumpkins in the fall. Oh, man, this is better and better. We'd make all, like, the local newspapers. And then we'd sell pumpkins in the fall. Oh, man. This is better and better. We'd make all the local newspapers.

And we were adorable. We were like two little blonde kids selling pumpkins. Who doesn't want to buy pumpkins from us? Yeah, yeah. You were children of the corn. You should have seen our grandfather eat a pumpkin. He's sticking it on his head. Did you have your parents or grandparents,

did they eat anything differently? Because my dad used to eat. Oh, yeah. That's a good question. Like the orange rinds. Oh, that's not right. Yeah. Like he would eat the inside of it, peel an orange and then eat the rinds after he ate

That's so bitter. I've had them. They're like, it's doable, but I don't know if there's any nutrition in it. Not my grandparents, but my old boss when I worked at a warehouse. And this is, like, way weird, but it had a good kind of explanation. She would eat hard-boiled eggs, shell, and all. No. Yeah.

That's, why? Because. What is this explanation? Because the eggs really clean you, the shells really clean you out. Yeah. Like popcorn. It like exfoliates you from the inside. Apparently her mother, when she was pregnant, was in a prisoner of war camp.

Okay. And in order to keep enough kind of calcium and protein or whatever. Everybody gave her the shells of their eggs. So she ate, so she would have enough calcium. And then that became just the way she ate eggs for the rest of her life. There does seem to be, there's a lot that comes out of hardships. Like, yeah, like, I don't know. That's probably where, that's what made me think of it. The orange peel thing probably was like, don't throw good orange peel on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like my mother, I think, I don't know if she would ever have them again but she grows up like would tell me about eating ketchup sandwiches growing up oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and like just mayonnaise i mean we have everything in abundance now so we don't even think about that but like yeah these eggshells probably saved that woman's life yeah and and like but then that just became like that's how i that's how i eat eggs yeah and then that's how her daughter ate eggs and i was watching her it was like i was like oh she's not human she's from some other planet does she chew them chew the shells or just like swallow an egg just in her throat the whole egg hole. Just in her throat. She's just punching it down. In which case, why'd you hard boil it?

Yeah, exactly. Just like a snake. No, she would just, yeah, she would. And I was like, and I asked her one day, I was like, does that taste good or something? Because I guess it doesn't do anything bad to you, you know. But it's like, oh, when I think of eggshells. Yeah, I think of them as like, well, they came out of a chicken's butt. Yeah.

But you don't want like they're pretty sterilized after you've boiled them in water. Oh, I guess. Yeah, you're boiling them. That's right. But like I think of eggshells as like along with coffee filters as being like the compost thing. Yeah. That is true. I feel like they'd like cut into like my bloodstream.

I don't know. Cut into your bloodstream? I don't know how that works. Cut into your bloodstream? I don't know how blood works. I don't understand anything. You want eggs, until blood comes out of your eyes. Oh, my bloodstream. Yeah, did your...

Oh, yeah, your grandfather ate cornbread. That's how this started. And also you see these things called prairie oysters, which I don't think... Testicles. That's right. That's how this started. And he also used to eat these things called prairie oysters, which I don't think... Testicles. Bold testicles. No. I know that's actually

what prairie oysters are. And I've had them before. They're weird. But he called these prairie oysters and it was like a saltine cracker, butter, and ketchup.

Yeah. Yeah. So when I finally found out that... It's like something Jughead would eat. And that was his fun snack. And he'd also use like coffee to like wash his hands. Sometimes if he like spilled something, he's like, just dip your napkin in coffee and just wipe it off.

I have seen... I feel like you're doing everything wrong. I did use coffee a couple of days ago to wash bird poop off my car. Also, I think you can use coffee grounds. Isn't that like help get paint off or something like that? Isn't that like one of those homespun? You can use it as an exfoliant for cellulite. What, really?

Yeah. Wait a minute. Why do you want to exfoliate cellulite? I'm very confused. I don't know. Cellulite underneath the skin? So what happens, and it's mostly, I think it's like ladies' habit. No, trust me.

I've got it. Go on. So the caffeine in it plumps the skin to make it look smoother. Really? Yeah. Oh. But it makes it look like you just shat the tub though. I remember Matt came in once.

I've only done it once before because I'm like, this isn't worth it. I'm like, I just smell like a Starbucks all the time. And then I guess I didn't rinse everything down. He's like, I was just exfoliating my cellulite. Yeah. Yeah. Relax. Stop being so crazy.

I'm just using our garbage on my body. And I don't know if it's good for like the drain. Like, I just feel like it's, you know, Oh, it exfoliates the drain as well. Yeah. It's, uh, yeah. Like, I don feel like it's, you know. Oh, it exfoliates the drain as well. Yeah.

It's, yeah, like, I don't know. There's all those things, you know, there's like homespun. Yeah. You know, like. Farmer's almanac. Yeah, put toothpaste in like a nail hole or whatever on the wall or something. Oh. Yeah.

You can just rub your teeth on the wall. I get that kind of like plaster-y kind of thing. Yeah. Like if you just like if you're moving out of an apartment or whatever and you don't want to like redo everything

you just put a little bit of toothpaste. I'm going to do that when I move out of my apartment. There you go. Just make sure it's not aqua fresh with the three stripes.

I used to love aqua fresh. Oh yeah. I felt it was like a treat. We used to get like I would like swallow it. When I was a kid we would get the it was like blue. It was like blue and it tasted like a treat. We used to get that at the trick yet. Like I would swallow it. When I was a kid, we would get the, it was like blue. It was like blue and it tasted like bubblegum.

I was never into that. Oh, I was into it. I would brush my teeth six times a day. Wasn't there a gum or a candy that came in a tube? Yes. That had that sort of bubblegum taste? I liked that tubular candy. It was totally tubular.

It was bodacious. It was so good. Yeah, I don't know. I went for any kind of novelty. Sure. Now when you go to the toothpaste aisle, it's like, pick your novelty. There's like so many different fun toothpastes. Everything vibrates and wiggle wobbles.

Oh, you're talking about the brushes. I'm like, what kind of toothpaste vibrates but you know what you can't buy just a regular toothbrush anymore it's just like the plastic with just

bristles with no rubber shit on it oh yeah yeah yeah like everything's angled because you know we've advanced no but I feel like

what's so good about these rubber grip things so I don't like my toothbrush keeps just dropping your toothbrush. That has never happened.

Yes, it has. I remember in the 80s when it was like a reach. It had the angle, reach toothbrushes. Yeah. But like I know, it wasn't, it doesn't reach farther. It's like, I can move my hand a millimeter. Yeah. Well, and I was watching that new show with Aaron Paul, The Path.

Oh, yeah. I haven't seen that. Well, there was one scene where he's brushing his teeth with a wooden toothbrush, and that is, I missed a huge part of the plot, a huge part of dialogue, because I was like, where do you get a wooden toothbrush from? Is it just like a stick? Sorry. It's kind of like a stick.

There are these, what is it? toothbrush for all is it just like a stick sorry it's kind of like a stick there are these what is it it's like copper

wire brushes on like well the it's like a it looks like don't brush your teeth with those it looks like a

wooden toothbrush but it's used for you know cleaning rust or whatever yeah don't use that in your teeth I got a couple of them

copper wire on your teeth it works though like it cuts up the gums real bad but I have speaking of like showing your children by example what to do It cuts up the gums real bad.

Speaking of showing your children, by example, what to do, I use an electric toothbrush that just vibrates in my mouth. No way my daughter is going to learn toothbrushing from that, from watching me just hold it there. That's true. Do they make electric toothbrushes for babies? They make a lot of ones that have Spider-Man on it. I assume those aren't for adults. Yeah, those might be electric.

I don't know. Yeah. I don't. I don't. I used an electric toothbrush and then my doctor was like, don't. You're ruining your gums. And I was like, okay. Oh, really?

These old things? Yeah. I don't know. Because it was like, it's too aggressive for, I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore man yeah every time i go to the dentist it's like a new thing i'm doing completely wrong yeah or it's a new quadrant of my teeth that are now bad like they're like okay the back ones are great front ones not great at all i'm like what am i supposed to do buy a mouth guard that seems to be one of

their suggestions mouth guard i got one of those. Yeah, me too. It's great. Yeah. I don't like it. It makes me feel funny. Oh. And I don't wear it for a long time, and then my mouth hurts. Oh, man. Just put a cob of corn in there before you go to bed.

Nothing lets the wife know that she's off the hook for sex better than Dave's already put in his mouth guard. Yeah, that's a thing. Or then I'll kiss Matt before bed anyway, and then she's like, this is gross. I just feel like a weird teenager again. Yeah.

Did you have a retainer when you were a teen? I had braces. Okay. I had braces. But then don't you have a retainer after to make sure yeah i did and but then i had like wires on my top and bottom teeth okay set them in place so i didn't need the retainer but then the wire broke on my top teeth like years and years later and it was off for like two seconds and my teeth shifted what and then i got the wire replaced and then

i was getting all this jaw pain and then so i got the wire removed and that's where this mouth guard slash retainer came in. So now I'll just wear that on occasion to keep everything in place. Wow, so that was all that was keeping it in place was this wire. With this wire. But you'd think that like after your teeth have set for like 10 years

that's where they live now. That must have been hell living on a corn farm. Yeah, it is. Corn on the cob, like I eat it now and I have these like micro spaces and like a bar and it's just like. A bar of corn? Corn teeth, yeah. Corn teeth and corn milk? Corn tooth, yeah.

Yeah, when I had braces, I had to cut corn off the cob. Yeah, exactly. And it was like, why not cut out the middle man? Yeah, give me a can. Yeah, give me a can of corn. Yeah, but it's not as fresh. And also, it's gross. Why is canned corn so gross?

Oh, it's great. It just tastes like sugar. I love it. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Give me that niblet. Put it on your cereal with some corn milk? Sure.

You like cream corn? Yeah, I like cream corn, too. See? Cream corn, corn milk. It's all making sense. Yeah, it is. So, why, if there's almond milk and soy milk, why isn't there corn milk? Why isn't there corn milk?

There's corn everything. Like, you're, you're. I know, but I feel like, why are corn people not going corn milk? Yeah, if only we could get our corn into more product. Yeah, our shitty, starchy, not any sort of like nutritional value. Does corn, it's just like a filler? Yeah, it's just filler. Or a thickener.

It's like what they give to like cows and things. Cows and things. No. I don't think it has a lot of nutrition to it. I could be wrong. It has nutrition. Now I'm going to get the corn police calling me. I think it has nutrition to it.

Well, nutrition is a pretty broad word though. Yeah. The problem is it's the corn syrup that's in pretty broad word though. Yeah. The problem is it's the corn syrup that's in everything, I think. Right. I'm just saying corn milk. Well, let's make it happen. Well, I'll do my best. Sure. We're opening for corn milk this weekend.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? A couple of things. First of all, I just realized, it's a weird thing to realize That you thought you could do something Your entire life and it turns out you can't Uh oh Walk on water?

It's not a big thing P standing up? Abby was really making the baby laugh The other day By going cross eyed And the baby would try to go cross-eyed, and she couldn't. The baby was laughing so hard. And then I was like, I'll do it.

And it turns out I can't go cross-eyed. Really? I just assumed I could, but you can't see it in the mirror. Yeah. You can't check in the mirror. I can't do it either, if that makes you feel better. No, you just look at your... No, but you don't.

It doesn't work for us people. All right? Yeah, you're not doing it either. I'm not? This isn't cross-eyed? You're just looking at your... No, but you don't. It doesn't work for us people. Alright? Yeah, you're not doing it either. I'm not? This isn't cross-eyed? I'm just looking at your nose. Yeah, that's cross-eyed. Isn't that? I'm told that I'm not... Well, that's pretty

good. One went cross-eyed and one went straight. Yeah, yeah. You look like you should be on that show like Moonshiners or something. Where they just make like bathtub swill anyway corn cobbers corn cobbers corn milkers that's the poster for corn milkers so i just it's not like a useful skill it's just something i thought i had and i don't yeah uh you could work on it well yeah i guess i could yeah because i feel like those type of things are things like you have to like practice but you also have to be a kid and have nothing else going on

i also don't think it's good for you no no no no it definitely hurts to try that yeah um like uh i remember being a kid whistling was a big one that i couldn't do um whistle now i can whistle now for sure. Oh wow, look at that. There you go. Both directions. Nice, very nice applause. I feel like

any cool spit tricks? Like spitting through your teeth? Yeah, I don't know any spit tricks. I remember my friends, they would call it, It was gleeking? Oh, and you can just shoot right out of your Yeah, they shoot Your saliva gland

That's a gross trend It was super gross Or making saliva bubbles on your tongue Yeah, can't do that I think I can do that I think I can't do it on demand, though But I've definitely done it Yeah, I can do it when it sneaks up on me as well

Usually in my sleep But like, you know know like i had friends that uh could wiggle their ears sure but without wiggling their eyebrows some eyebrow thing yeah yeah or they could do both or like the rock i can't do any of this that you're talking about i can raise like one eyebrow that's it let's see yeah pretty good oh i smell what you're cooking yeah but I can raise like one eyebrow and that's it. Let's see. Yeah, pretty good. Oh, I smell what you're cooking. Yeah. But some people can do both eyebrows. I can only do the one.

Can you wink both eyes? I can only wink both eyes if like one of my face gets palsied. One side of my face is like... Yeah, winking. It's a real struggle. Yeah, I can wink one eye and the other one is...

It just looked like you fell asleep. So yeah, that's one thing going on with me. No, but I'm interested. That's because they are things that when you're... Like I had a dream. This is weird. Just remembering this now. Okay.

That I was able to do the loud whistle where you put your your fingers in your mouth and do that crazy loud whistle can't do that either but that's a skill that comes in handy like it's more annoying

than useful but it when when you need it there's nothing else that it'll do when your dog's far away you call it

yeah I don't know my mom can do it I was very impressed yeah like that thing with putting a blade of grass between your thumbs that i can do i can do the the and i only learned that because i would

not pay attention in gym class there was always grass they'd make us sit in the grass so it was a lot of like a lot of intense time i feel like that's maybe the least valuable outdoorsman skill. Disagree. You don't see Man Tracker doing it very often. I feel like when I watch Man Tracker, I think I said this before, I feel like I could survive as poorly as he does. Because he always just gets a shelter and then complains the whole time.

Oh, it's so cool. Not Man Tracker. What's the other guy? Survivorman. That's the guy I'm thinking of. Who's the one who will find like a muskrat and eat it? Oh, well, that's maybe Survivorman. Is that Bear Grylls? No, Bear Grylls is

one and Survivorman's the... Les Stroud is his name. Mantracker is a different guy. He's the guy that rides the horse. Yeah. Attracts men. Wouldn't he just follow the camera crews? You know what I mean? Man Tracker is a different guy. He's the guy that rides the horse. Yeah. Yeah. And tracks men. He attracts men. But also, wouldn't he just like follow the camera crews of like the, you know what I mean? He's camera crew tracker.

Yeah. He just doesn't make sense. Man Tracker was the original name for Grindr. Wow. Pretty good. Now, the other thing that's going on with me is, it's not really going on with me specifically. But in part. A few weeks ago

We talked about Girl guide cookies Girl scout cookies Yeah Well it's different Yeah it's girl guides in Canada And girl scouts in America And we were saying that we've only ever had the Canadian ones

And there's only two varieties Yeah the mint There's the mint and the sort of sandwich cookies Yeah And so In the state They got like a dozen different types. Really?

And so I, some listeners. You're moving there. You can't just, just wait. Oh my gosh. A Canadian listener by the name of, I don't know, Kirsten, set me up with some of the Canadian varietals, the two Canadian varietals. And then an American listener sent us a nice note and mailed us from Boise, Ohio. Boise, Ohio.

Ohio. Ohio. Ohio. Mailed us eight different kinds. Oh, my God. She mailed us these. What's her name? Her name, I'm sorry, is Kate L.

Kate L. Thanks, Kate L. Yeah. That's so generous. These toffee-tastics. Okay, let me see. Let's pass them around. We're not going to... What I would like to do is do a little taste test of basically just the Canadian mint ones

and the American mint ones, because I don't want us to eat 10 types of cookies right now. I do. Okay, so this is the toffee-tastic. Take a look at those. Gluten-free. These are Savannah Smiles. They're kind of a lemony thing. Savannah, a crisp, zesty lemon wedge cookie dusted with powder sugar.

These are Trefoils. They are a shortbread. Okay. And apparently some of them are regional, too, so you go to different parts of the country and you get different ones. Traditional shortbread cookies. They're in the shape of, it kind of looks like our logo. Two faces.

Oh yeah, it is. Well, that's the Girl Scouts logo. Oh yeah. Were you ever a Girl Scout, Girl Guide? I was. I was a brownie and then I was a Girl Guide

for like a year and then I'm like, never again. Time to start smoking. Were you, these are Ra-Ra Raisins. Ra-Ra Raisins. Rah-rah raisins. Rah-rah, no thanks.

Yeah. Look how, the worst part of them. Look, Greek yogurt flavored chunks. Oh. Now you're interested again. But you're not interested when it says on the box that the raisins are plump. Oh, yeah. Hearty oatmeal cookies with plump raisins.

Rub some coffee on them. These are tagalongs. They're peanut butter. Okay. These would be better with a few capers in there. Sure, yeah. Sure, they're tagalongs. Samoas are a coconut.

Okay. Dosey doughs are a oatmeal peanut butter. I feel like these are made up boxes. Like she just printed a bunch of... And it's just going to be full of dirt or something. Yeah, I hope it's full of dirt. And finally, thin mints, which are... Like a thin mint.

Like a thin mint. And so, what I would like to do, since we have Canadian and American thin mints, and people love when we eat on microphones. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It's one of our signature things. Graham, spit out your mint gum. Yep. And start chewing some mint chocolate.

Now, in the American Girl Scout cookies, they... Are these American ones that I'm eating? Yeah. They have... The insides are all dark. And whereas in the Canadians, they have the little white mint. Well, I like this. I like this thin mint.

Okay. Everybody. That's a good thin mint. Well, we knew you were a big cooking food person. So we were like, hey, let's do the food episode. Yeah. This is great. And this is the Canadian thin mint?

Mm-hmm. Graham, did you ever do Girlin Mint? Mm-hmm. Mm. Graham, did you ever do Girl Scouts? Mm-hmm. I made it all the way up to Rovers. What are the... It went Girl Scout. It went Sparks, Brownies, Girl Scouts.

Girls of the Night. First Raiders. First Raiders. Rovers. No. Rovers is Wade. Skin tags. Fur traders.

Fur traders. Rovers. No. Rovers is Wade. Skin tags. And then, yeah. So they seem to be identical, except the Canadian has the creamy center. Yeah.

I like them both. I like the Canadian, I think. You know what? I'm definitely going to take home some of these for further testing. Okay. So, yeah, thanks to the listeners. I guess a few weeks ago we mentioned Girl Guide. Well, I think it was the big reveal was on the Oscars,

and then they invited Girl Guide to come in, and then they were selling all these different types. And I was like, whoa, whoa, what? Right. It was a real eye-opener. And then, which turned into a real mouth-opener what a delicious segment that was yeah great great um i did i did uh cub scouts yeah did you do that yeah it was cubs right i did cubs cubs or scouts? What are boy scouts? It was... And the cubs? There was beavers, cubs, then scouts. But girls were girl guides.

Yeah. And boys were boy scouts. There were never boy guides. No. No boy guides. No. Tour guides. I had Leonard Maltin's movie guide.

Was that worth anything? As a kid? Oh, sure, yeah. Every year you'd get the new edition. I remember my friends and I i when we were like 12 and getting really interested in ladies trying to find sexy movies in the leonard malton movie guide and the first movie alphabetically uh in the guide was 2001 a space odyssey and my friend opened the movie guide and said, 2001, A Sex Odyssey. I remember, yeah, at the video store when I was a kid, there was this movie that I only saw like maybe five years ago.

It was called Angel. And then there was a sequel called Avenging Angel. Uh-oh. Spoiler. The cover was, it was a girl in like college so she's wearing like college jacket

letterman jacket yeah she looks all like and then at night she's a hooker and then she goes out and like does revenge

on the streets sex revenge? like on the people who've been rude to her or she's like a vigilante no not like

yeah she's really into manners well you know what i mean like people who have like i rude is the wrong word um like weird scumbag dudes yeah you're a hooker and you're a piece of meat on the on the hooker side like she was and then on the avenging angel she was the hooker side all the time and had a gun. Yeah. So avenging angel was actually the better of the two movies. And I'm assuming her name was Angel. I don't remember.

That's a good question. And then she started off in college. Yeah. But I just remember my parents like walking around the video store looking for something random. Me just holding this box. Staring at it. Student by day. Hooker by night.

I'm like, wow. And we thought like a bachelor's degree was worthless now. Like in the 80s, this woman had to become an eventual prostitute. She was going to school. Yeah. But I think in the second one, she's done school. She's graduated. Prostitution full time.

I mean, you know, whatever floats your boat, right? I would, if I had funds, I would set to remake Angel for this generation. Do it. I would set up a scholarship for aspiring prostitute vengeance students. Do you know who was in it? Nobody. It was a real B movie. Now I want to watch this movie. Was it a sexy movie?

There's definitely sexy parts in it, but mostly it was about rudeness. Yeah. Minding your manners. What's going on with you? Well, I, this past week I was in Winnipeg.

Whoa. Yeah, I went from too hot to too cold. It was still snowing there. Were you there for the Winnipeg Comedy Festival? I was. You did a real Atlantis. Yeah. What does that mean?

Oh, too hot, never too cold. Oh, sure. Okay. You take the best shot. Too hot to hold. I just thought you meant in the ironic video that only one of them is wearing a duke. That's true. And the rest are just like, they look like they're going to the beach.

And then one of them is wearing a duke. Well, I guess the rest of them had an opportunity to take off their coats and stuff. But the one's driving. Yeah. What's her name? Alanis. So, yeah, I went to the Winnipeg Comedy Festival. Oh, okay.

And it was fun. You know, I went to the Winnipeg Comedy Festival. Oh, okay. And it was fun. You know, I like that comedy festival. You just, like, go and you just work the whole time you're there. Like, there's no, I didn't go see anything. Right. You know? You didn't explore Winnipeg. Not really.

I, like, got room service for, like, the first time in, like, a decade. So that's the opposite of exploring with it. Yeah, I was like, what is the least amount of going out I can do? So yeah, I ordered room service twice, which I was like, who am I? Is this your first time ordering room service since you became a vegetarian? Probably, yeah. What are the room service options for a vegetarian? A soup?

Well, they had this vegetarian, it was like pulled pork, but it was mushrooms. It was really good. That sounds really good. So you were sitting in your room pulling your mushroom? No. Come on. Dave, I was milking my cob. Your bar of corn?

I've had a vegetarian Reuben before And it was with like It was like a kimchi Reuben But with like mushrooms And it was amazing Where was that? It was at Hogtown Vegan? No

It's called the Old York Let's mention restaurants Nobody cares No Hogtown Vegan is fantastic I've never been there You should go there Before you leave Toronto

I will Okay But next time you're in Toronto This place that I had this at is just like a hop, skip, and a jump from my place. I'll be on the phone. What is it, New York? I'm just going to look on Yelp for restaurant reviews right now. Oh, stop it. Dave, stop.

So I got room service. Okay. And then on the last night of the festival, they had the best of the fest show. Okay. So you got tickets to see that. Yeah. I was bad tickets too. Far away in the back.

And they were giving out these awards, but nobody kind of understood what the award thing was. But they were like giving out awards. Okay. And you were eligible? Apparently. I was eligible. the award thing was but they were like giving out awards okay and you were eligible apparently i was eligible and what kind of awards were were being handed out uh sold the sold the most cookies sure you know help the most ladies across the street yeah i embodied this the spirit of akela yeah no did girl guides have some kind of jungle book overtones like scouts did yes or cubs cubs i think

had a real jungle book like the all the leaders were named after after jungle book characters oh no but but i had like a barn owl uh who was one of the leaders and uh yeah barn owl is all i remember okay all right back to you you look her up Her actual like given name was Edith burnout. It wasn't a thing at all. Um, so I, uh, was eligible for the,

one of the awards. Like they gave an award to Steve Patterson. Well, what were the actual awards though? No, that's just what I'm saying. I don't really know. Okay.

Uh, they gave one to Steve Patterson. There was a, uh, audience or whatever, like audience pick or patron's pick. And what? And then there was just one. They were little trophies that were actually really microphones. Okay.

So it was like a little, like a really nice microphone on like a mic stand. Mm-hmm. But it was a real microphone. And then like a little plaque, right? So I won one of these. I won for the best comic. Oh. Yeah.

Congrats. Thanks. That's huge. But the plaque wasn't on it. So it was just this microphone. Maybe they talked to your dentist. Yeah. And I was like, oh, I guess it doesn't come with a plaque.

And then at the end of the night, the host of the show, John Wing, was like, hey, I found this on stage. The plaque had fallen off. Oh. And people had stepped all over it. It was very badly damaged. So well made. So I just walked around the party afterwards

showing everybody this super badly damaged... Best comic that's super dinged up. You should just put it on a necklace, like a tag. Yeah, that's a good idea. Maybe I should be a necklace guy. Yeah. Why not? Yeah, right? It's never too late. Do you think? It's never too late? You can be the necklace comic.

I really like this possibility. So, uh... What do you guys do about the clasps in the back? Those are different kinds, right? Sometimes you screw them, sometimes they'll clip. The necklace comic. I like it. You know that cool bit where you're pretending to choke yourself? You're like, just kidding. It's just my cool

necklace, you know? Hey, do bolo ties count? Sometimes I take it off when I shower. Sometimes I don't. Good night, everybody. I mean, there's clearly an endless... You just throw out a bunch of necklaces in the crowd and everybody's, ow.

Yeah. Well, you throw out those during Mardi Gras. Yeah. Hey, audience members, show me your boobs. Men and women, I'm an equal opportunity. You can be like, show me your laughs. That would be your tagline. Oh, my God.

Yeah, show me your laughs. There you go. I see a lot of possibilities here yeah I'm glad we're having this brainstorming set um yeah so that was

I ordered some room service uh got a prize uh there it's in several different parts um and uh

you know I had a good time you know I don't know uh and then oh yeah and then coming back uh I You know, I had a good time. You know. And then, oh, yeah. And then coming back, our flight got delayed by like six hours or something. Was it weather related or was it just like? The windshield on the plane was cracked.

Oh, my gosh. So I was like, oh oh yeah, cancel that plane. Or yeah, they should just take it to Speedy Autoglass. Speedy Autoglass, they put that thing on that fills in the dents.

Yeah, but they had to wait in line like everybody else just because you're a plane doesn't mean you get priority. Speedy Glass Repair. Speedy Glass Replace. Is that local

or is that national? I think that's national. There used to also be. I don't know. Stop ringing a bell. It could just be your tone. I got a great tone. There's also Apple Autoglass, the pick of the crop.

Which I wasn't. That's not familiar. But I was traveling with Eric Sigurdsson. And she's like an Aeroplan, like platinum member. So we got to hang out in the lounge and, uh, they don't, they have unsupervised alcohol in this lounge. So I just got hammered. Have you been to a lounge before? Uh, yes, I've been to a lounge once, but we like paid for it because we get like upgrade.

Oh, right. But then we weren't there long enough to really take advantage of it. Because you and I have been in one or two together. Yeah, but I never noticed the alcohol. Like that they had all these alcohols in a thing that you just put the thing in and it does an automatic shot. Oh, I haven't seen that. Oh, boy. I've seen just a bar where you can mix your own drinks.

Yeah, that's what this was, but you just press the thing and it gave you a shot. Cool. Yeah. So I just. Did shots? Yeah, basically. I feel like getting drunk in an airport is like extra special because it doesn't feel like it's real. You know what I mean?

Anytime you get drunk in a different city, it doesn't count. Exactly. Towards your alcoholism. Especially in an airport because you can't go anywhere and you're like, well, I may as well get drunk. Yeah, like what am I going to do in the airport? I mean, I could have done a lot of work

in there, sure. at the Hudson News? No. You're right. You can't work in the airport. Yeah, it's like,

but I just imagine spending that six hours just like in the airport proper would have been hell on earth. Who are your favorite airport bookstore authors? I don't know what that means. Well, like, they're always...

You mean like James Patterson? Yeah. Or Patricia Cornmilk? Yeah. Cornmilk? Cornmilk? Patricia Cornmilk? Michael Crichton?

Tom Clancy? Michael Crichton hasn't been around for a while, has he? Dean Kuntz? Yeah. Kuntz. Clive Kussler? Kussler, yeah. Is P.D. James?

Isn't that that's I don't know Petey where are the ladies at where are the ladies at in this we had them who

Linda Petey James Linda Linda we mentioned some ladies a book by Linda Patricia Cornhole oh you We mentioned some ladies. A book by Linda. Patricia Cornhole.

Oh, you were in Winnipeg with Erica, who was on two episodes ago. Three episodes ago? Yeah. And she said that she had two of those goat horn mugs. Oh, yeah. And she was going to, you and she were going to walk around Winnipeg with them. We did that. Okay. Yeah.

How were they? Now this, by the way, if you didn't catch that episode, these are mugs that Erica Sigurdsson bought on Kickstarter. Yeah. She funded a, yeah, a Kickstarter. So it looks like, like ye old goat horn that people used to like. A flagon of. Yeah.

Or like if you were like. Like everybody gather. A flagon of. Yeah, or like if you were like. Let everybody gather. A shofar. So she backed this Kickstarter and they gave her two of them whenever they made them. And they're just like, they work perfectly fine. Like they just, the only, there's like one design flaw that. Is that the shape? Well, no, because because the shape, it has

a holder on it, and you remove the holder and you put it down, and then you put the thing in the holder. The holder is like a sleeve? Yeah. And the only thing is it has a strap, so you could wear it around like a purse or whatever.

But you have to undo the bottom strap in order to use the sleeve thing so you're always an extra step so wait this is a mug yeah and so it's meant to be like a portable coffee thing so you're not like wasting and yeah environment kind of i mean yeah yeah sure that's a reason yeah but it's mostly to look like an asshole it's mostly to draw attention to yourself yeah but actually like after i would say after about an hour of wearing it around, I was like, yeah, this is fine. This is no more or less cumbersome than any other thing in my life. I feel like I would need to see it because I'm just picturing, like, a mug strapped to your chest.

It's shaped like a goat horn. Yeah. But still. Yeah. So it's got a point. It doesn't have a bottom. Yeah. It's got like, it comes to like a point.

Like imagine something like one of the Flintstones would drink out of. Okay. Yeah. Fred. Wilma. Barney. Bam Bam. Whenever Bam Bam became of age.

Sure. Did they have drinking requirements back in the Flintstone town? I can't remember the name of it. Bedrock. Bedrock. Sure. Did they have drinking requirements back in Flintstone Town? I can't remember the name of it. Bedrock? Yeah. Yeah, look, it all took us a second. So, yeah, that's what I drank out of a goat mug. Well, it sounds like we've all had a really eventful week.

Oh, absolutely. Do you want to move on to Overhurt? Yeah, man. I'm Bits. And I'm Teresa. And we host the podcast One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting. Parenthood. It turns out it is very difficult, but we all get up every day and do it again.

It's like the sign says, if you're going through hell, keep going. So join us each week as we strive for less judging and more laughing. Find us on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts when your children aren't around. So join us each week as we strive for less judging and more laughing. Find us on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts when your children aren't around. Hello, Internet. I'm Travis McElroy. And I'm Teresa McElroy. She is my wife. And he's my husband. And it is our pleasure to introduce to you a brand new podcast,

Schmanners. It's extraordinary etiquette for ordinary occasions. Teresa, let me ask you this. Can you teach me how to write a thank you note? Yes, I can. How about tips to improve my table manners? I'll do my best. And will you finally explain to me the difference between casual

and business casual and cocktail and formal and black tie and all that stuff. If anybody can, I can. But like, it's going to be funny, right? Of course, I'm going to give historical origins and how those manners fit into our everyday lives. How could it not be funny? But also sometimes we'll talk about like burps and farts, right? Yeah, when not to.

But we'll still talk about it. Yes. Great. So come join us for our new hilarious show. No RSVP required. Coming to you soon every Friday on MaximumFun.org. It's Schmanners. Manners, Schmanners.

Get it? Overheard. Overheard. overheard overheard or is it overheards nobody will never know yeah it doesn't matter yeah it's plural or it's singular whatever it is it's always fun yeah where we overhear things we report them back here on the podcast we always like to start with the guests oh fun yeah right that's me uh do you have one yeah yeah really putting you on the spot i do have one um it happened a couple weeks ago i was in high park in toronto this beautiful lovely park hiking around and it was a lovely day through the snow yeah well no actually this was weird so it got really warm for like a hot minute in march and we're like we did it's over. And then we got this crazy ice storm. So anyway, so hiking through

and then Matt and I walk by these like two teenagers and they were like, just like a little bit portly. And like, but I was like, they're getting out there and they're hiking. Like, and it just, they really reminded me of like me and my best friend kind of like at that age, just like just a little bit of extra chub, but like're gonna get fit um and then they walk by us and i just hear one of them go hey do you ever eat dinner twice and the other one goes yeah and it was just so perfect and i was

like matt did you hear that and then he's like. And I told him and then we laughed for hours. It was just so perfect. I was like, do you ever eat dinner twice? Yeah. Yeah. I remember the, like doing that as a teenager. Cause I think that's the only time when I had like the, what do you call it? Like metabolism. Yeah.

To eat that much food. And like, I would eat a dinner and then my friends, I would go to Moxie's and eat another dinner. I've been, like my whole adult life has been trying to lose that impulse. Double dinner? Well, I was such a tiny kid, but I ate so much. And then as a teenager, I was a regular-sized kid, but I ate so much. And people will just assume I want seconds and thirds. Yeah.

And so I'll just, I've, it's taken a while to learn to stop eating when you're full. But there's a, there's a difference. I don't know what the difference is. Not much of a difference between seconds and then a whole other dinner. And a whole second dinner. Yeah. Because we would come home from school at like, and get home at like four and then have some sort of, we'd be starving after school. So we'd have some sort of dinner. i need like so many pizza pops oh my god

and then later i'd be hungry again my friends were like let's just make like craft dinner and you're just always eating these double dinners yeah yeah and i always had a huge appetite too like i was never like a huge kid or anything but people would look at me at buffets when i'd go with my family and be like oh my my God, look at that little girl. Like they would point and be like, look how much she's eating. And I'm like, girl, I prayed for this while someone did. I use my lawn mowing money. My thing now is I get like, I used to always just eat cereal for breakfast. And it was part of a complete breakfast.

And now I eat a complete breakfast. Like I'll eat cereal and yogurt and fruit and some of the eggs I make for my baby. And like I have like five or six things for breakfast. And then I'm hungry again at like 1030. Oh, really? Yeah, I eat like double breakfast. I don't ever eat breakfast. That's what I realized.

I can't. I feel like I'm going to pass out if I don't ever eat breakfast. That's what I realized. I can't. I feel like I'm going to pass out if I don't have something within like half an hour of waking up. The key is to wake up later. Right? Yeah. Yeah, tricking your body. That's what I was doing on the road. As like a saving, money saving.

It is a good, yeah. It really is. Do you, in your regular Toronto life, are you an early riser? I'm not like, some comics are like, I wake up early riser? I'm not like some comics are like I wake up at like 3 I'm not that at all so I wake up

kind of like in my dream world I thought you meant 3 in the morning I was like that is an early riser are you in the Navy? I wake up around like

9 9.30 okay even if I have nothing that day I like to kind of have a routine I like to go to like coffee shop, get some writing done, do something where I feel productive. Otherwise I just start

feeling like a garbage human. And I'm like, what am I doing with my life? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like waking up early doesn't not make me feel like a garbage person. So I'm like, what, what am I getting out of it? Oh, right. You just feel like a garbage person. Longer. More of the day. What time do you wake up? I would say, like, on average, it would be, like, 10, 10.30. Okay. But, like, I'm up until, you know, 3 or 4 every night. See, I'm up until maybe, like, 1 or 2.

I get sleepy. I'm up all night to get lucky. Yeah? How does that work? No, no, no. How does it work being up all night to get lucky? Is that how the song goes?

I don't know. Is that your euphemism for sex? No. Sorry. Come on. Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah, I do. Okay. Mine is also involves two children. I was at Sport Check buying sporting goods.

Helmets, bats, wiffle balls. The truth is I was pricing sporting goods. I chose not to later. Because you're starting your own sporting goods store. Well, Abby and I have one daughter, and I assume we'll have eight more like Casey at the Bat. So I'm just pricing nine bats and nine gloves. Yeah, sure. No, I didn't buy anything.

The truth is they had a great deal on socks on the internet, but you had to pay for shipping. So I went to the store to see if I could get the deal in person. And could you? Well, they didn't have... It was buy one, get one half off. And they didn't have a second pair. They had one pair of socks and all of sportswear? Yeah.

And it was the store pair. I feel like you should have spoken to the manager. It was of the ones I wanted. They just had the one. Did they have the one with the little ball on the back? Of course. That was the one I wanted. Did they still make those?

The pom-pom ones? I'm sure that someone does. I think my mom still has some from the 80s. But was that a thing that professional athletes had? Or was that just... It was sort of like, I'm a ski bunny, but I'm a tennis bunny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, those socks.

Because I guess they didn't have the technology that they do now to make the socks stay up as an ankle sock, so they needed a nubbin. But did men wear them no no back in the day men would wear full full socks oh yeah yeah thigh highs well my dad played tennis and honestly his white socks would be like mid-calf yeah that's just how he wears his socks now yeah yeah and you see i ask you a question about your dad yes is he bald on his shins i haven't looked at his shins lately.

Okay. Well, now I want to know. A lifetime of those elastic socks over your legs leads to shin baldness. Really? Matt's thighs are bald because of his skinny jeans. Is that true? Yeah, he's missing a lot of hair on his legs because of how tight his stupid pants are. No, I'm just kidding.

Your pants look great, babe. I remember when I was... My jeans are so tight that the hair actually comes up through the fibers of the jeans. Yeah, I've noticed that. It's a good look. It looks like you're not wearing jeans. Like I'm some kind of cave... I'm wearing cave jeans. Yeah. Oh, boy. Okay, so you're not wearing jeans. Like I'm some kind of cave... I'm wearing cave jeans.

Yeah. Oh, boy. Okay, so you want me to tell this now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I got hung up on that. So there's like a 10-year-old boy and an 8-year-old boy with their parents. The dad's off somewhere,

and they're with their mom. And the 10-year-old boy is telling on his younger brother. And the younger brother was poking sports bras. Oh, yeah. Just poking the boobs and looking at his older brother like, hey, check these out. And the older brother said to his mother, it's really inappropriate. Yeah.

Stop it. Just look at what he's doing. It's really inappropriate. Good for that kid. But it was like he would be doing it five seconds later yeah like if mom wasn't there

right he just did it to get his younger brother yeah he's trying to score points with mom so that the young the young brother gets in trouble

yeah it's just kind of nice hearing like a 10 year old boy like using that kind of terminology just like stop not just like that

but like that's inappropriate yeah like just like, stop! Not just like that, but like that's inappropriate. Yeah. Like, just like scolding him almost. Yeah. I feel like maybe that's like the kid learned that word and it's just using it.

Well, he probably learned it from his mother saying it to him all the time. Because the next thing the mother said was, you guys are like animals. Can't take you anywhere.

Just jabbing the sports bras. It is true, but two boy kids, they can't fucking, not necessarily even brothers, just like two boys together. Just their impulses destroy. It's just roughhousing, constant. Roughhousing, just destroy. Horseplay, nothing but roughhousing and horseplay. Yeah, wrecking things. There's signs specifically housing and horseplay Yeah wrecking things There's signs specifically prohibiting horseplay

If you get them in a pool it's all about almost drowning each other Or doing cool jumps Yeah or trying to find a quarter On the bottom of the pool That your dad threw down there That was always my dad's play Go catch this quarter Just throws it in the deep end

Finally some peace and quiet. It's like drownable fetch. Drownable. Graham, do you have an overheard? Yep. I got to hear a guy on the bus giving a real play-by-play about his, what is it called? Like cross training or CrossFit? CrossFit, yeah.

Oh, brother. So he was decked out in uh full like he had just come from crossfit and he was given the full lowdown oh man this was so hard and that was so hard and uh i was like oh he must have just come from crossfit and then his sign off was okay i gotta go uh i'm almost at work i was like what what? What job does this guy do that he just came from CrossFit is in full sweat pant regalia? Maybe he's got a cool job that has showers. Maybe he teaches CrossFit. Yeah, maybe.

Oh, yeah, that makes sense. But he just has to learn a bit of CrossFit before he teaches it. He always just has to give one class ahead of his students. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So that was like a guy In CrossFit gear But then I didn't see where he worked

Like he didn't get off And go right into the place You should Should have tailed him Would you ever do CrossFit? No I don't know what it is You'd feel like

Less of a garbage person Because CrossFit people Seem to Feel pretty good About themselves Yeah What is it? Like lifting up tires

Above your head And chucking them At cars Yeah there's the ropes. There's wiggling ropes back and forth. Yeah. Some kind of frequency wave. There's, um,

uh, I think they're all paleo. Yeah. They're all paleo. Are you paleo? No, paleo. Is that eating just a chunk of meat,

just biting into a cow? No, I think it's like, uh, it's no grains. Wasn't FDR paleo? Who? Franklin Roosevelt?

Oh, yeah, polio. Ah, there we go. Yeah, it's like no carbs or anything. You'd have a hard time with it because you're a vegetarian. Yeah. No, I'm not doing paleo. I'm not doing CrossFit.

Although, here's the thing that I only realized. That's something that sounds like you would say before slamming the door. And I'm not doing CrossFit. I know. And I only realized something. It sounds like you would say before slamming the door. And I'm not doing CrossFit. In that Batman versus Superman movie, when Bruce Wayne's getting ready to fight Superman, he does those CrossFit, does all the shit with a tire. Oh, it's like he flips a tire over and then he hits a tire with a hammer.

And I'm like, what is this preparing you for? Is this like a montage? Yeah. Yeah. I like a good montage. Yeah. Does this preparing you for? Is this like a montage? Yeah. Yeah. I like a good montage, though. Yeah? Does it psych you up when you see a good montage? I just picture my life in a montage and how cool I would look if everything I did was montage. If they took the highlights out of this last year and put it in a montage, it would be the saddest goddamn montage you've ever seen.

For you? Yeah, for me. I didn't lift anything or run up a thing. I was watching, Abby and I were watching. There'd be a lot of walking around staring at things. But there's different kinds of montages. Abby and I were watching Girls. Yeah.

And there's a scene where two people go to like a, I guess it's a date, they go to. Oh, they go to the carnival? Yeah. Yeah. I could do that acting. I could run around at a fair, pretend to shoot someone with a water gun.

That's all acting is. But like if it's. Pretending, yeah. But there's no lines to deliver. They're just running around. But like, oh, and that was the other thing I found out about that Batman Superman movie. Superman only has 43 lines in the whole movie. Really?

Yeah. So that I could do that I heard it was so bad Well, none of you don't start CrossFit No, no, no They could just put my head on his body Yeah, they could just Photoshop Yeah, and then I just go Ugh

Metropolis Whatever, I just say the lines all in the recording booth Put them in where you need them Lois Now, is it true that Jimmy Olsen The reason they're fighting is because they're both like because they love each other one of them is uh superman's a fan of the metropolis football team and batman's a fan of the gotham yeah the metropolis majors and the gotham go-getters

i honestly don't i know you guys are making like fun funs yeah um but i don't know why why are they fighting like i just don't get it aren't they on the same team like i could tell you are you do you actually want to know or is it just one of these things where you're like i kind of want to like the short version the short version is yeah yeah i want to know but i don't want you to do your big thing yeah the the the first movie like superman fights again basically like destroys all of these buildings in the process. Right. And so during that fight, he kills a lot of Bruce Wayne's buddies.

And so Bruce Wayne, who's also Batman. What? I don't know. Then he's like, yeah, we got to stop this guy because he's an alien that could kill us all. So we got to kill this guy first. And so that's what the whole thing is about. Yeah, there's a lot of collateral damage in these superhero movies. that could kill us all. So we got to kill this guy first. And so that's what the whole thing is about. Yeah, there's a lot of like collateral damage in these superhero movies.

It's like, yeah, you saved whoever, but you also ruined the entire city and killed so many innocent bystanders. That movie San Andreas was on with The Rock. Oh, yeah. I've not seen it. And it was on TV. And his wife is Carla Gugino,

or ex-wife, I don't know. And he's saving her in a helicopter while buildings and buildings are falling down. Like skyscrapers are toppling over. And you're like, I hope he saves this one woman. Well, there used to be, in Marvel comics, they used to have this comic that was called The Cleanup Crew. And so it would be after every giant fight in that universe, then this cleanup crew would have to come in and fix the city. And it was funny.

It was a funny. It's a nice idea. Yeah. Sounds like a nice idea. Now, we also have overheards sent in to us from people around the world. If you want to send one in, send it in to spy at maximumfund.org. This first one comes from Spencer in send it into spy at maximum fun.org uh this first one comes from spencer in uh new hampshire i think nh that's new hampshire right not new haven um today i heard a

woman walking by telling a story to her friends she said i was on the phone with him and i asked if nate had stomach pains and he said yes then i asked him if he had his gallbladder. I heard him yelling, Nate, do you have your gallbladder? That's pretty good. Yeah, I don't know. I assume I have mine. I think I do. I have tonsils. I've got. Yeah, I've got tonsils. We're born with gallbladders, right? I guess so. I know I have myils. I've got... Yeah, I've got tonsils. We're born with gallbladders, right? I guess so. Do we... I know I have my bladder bladder.

Yeah, I've got... Definitely, I've got regular bladder. Regular. Yeah, I've got gall. We've got all bladder. Yeah, I've got all bladder. Kellogg's all bladder. That's what, if you're paleo, you eat.

Two scoops of bladder. Yeah. So, yeah, gallbladder, tonsils, wisdom teeth? I got mine. Mine are gone. Mine are gone, too. I got mine. I got my appendix.

Yeah, I got my appendix. Oh, yeah, I guess you don't need an appendix, right? Yeah, I think I have all my parts. Yeah, you would know if you've been cut into. Yeah, it's not like my organs were harvested when I was just taking that nap back in 2002. But you did wake up in that bathtub of ice. That's always nice of them to leave them in a bathtub of ice. Well, otherwise it's murder.

Oh, right. So they're real conscientious. Sometimes, if you're really lucky, it'll be a bathtub of Slurpee. Ooh. What kind of Slurpee? Well, it depends. Swamp water. I always mix it, yeah. I can't just get one Slurpee

with one flavor. Did you call it swamp water? People have different names. Swamp water is when you mix every one of them. Swamp water was when I mixed all the pops. But when I did it with the Slurpee, I just called it layering. I'm just layering flavors. What are you doing? How many do you like to layer? Like four.

Like a Coke, a Mountain Dew, an Orange Crush, and then whatever the fruity one is. When was the last time you had a Slurpee? Probably last summer. Nice. Abby and I got them on election day for some reason. I haven't broken the seal on this year's Slurpee consumption, but it feels like it's coming soon. Yeah, it feels like a slurpee day. This next one comes from Spencer G. in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Wasn't the other guy's name Spencer? Yep. Oh. But this is Spencer G. Oh, is his last name Gifts? Double Spencer. Nice. I was in the break room at work, and I heard two people talking about the German language

when one of my coworkers said, yeah, I read Mein Kampf in German, and it's like pretty in the break room at work and i uh heard two people talking about the german language when one of my co-workers said yeah i read mein kampf in german and it's like pretty dark it's like hello why would you ever elect that guy yeah hello hello yeah come on germany um yeah i've uh So, yeah, I've never read Mein Kampf. I feel like it would be a good Kindle read. Or like an audio book. Yeah. I just wouldn't want the paper trail of, hey, we looked into your records. You bought Mein Kampf?

Yeah. My friend in high school would routinely sign it out of the library as a joke. It's a good one. Is that person in jail now? Maybe. I haven't kept tabs on a lot of those guys. Yeah, that's his struggle. This last one comes from Johnny in the... I think you're mispronouncing

Spencer. He's in the UK. This came courtesy of a friend. This is a guy named Ash, a little boy named Ash. Okay. Shouting at his dad, I like beans. And then the mother saying, don't shout at daddy.

It's not nice to be shouted at. And then Ash, very quietly, to the plate of beans, I like beans. That's exactly how I feel about them. You like them? I like them. I've. I like. Well, I'm not. I'm not.

I love beans. I love beans. I like. What kind of beans are we talking? Like, are we talking baked beans? Is that a bean salad? I've gone baked bean crazy in the last year. Which one are baked beans?

The ones that you just eat out of a can like a hobo. What planet are you on? What? Do they, are they like a little sauce? Yeah, a little sauce. Oh, yeah. No, I don't drink those. I don't drink them.

I don't drink beans. By the way, I drink beans. You just drink one can of beans for dinner. That's been sensible to us. Just to open them like they're like carbonated. You could slurp down a can of beans. Oh, sure. Yeah.

One time I lost my kidneys and I woke up in an ice cold bath of kidney beans. I'll eat them without even like, I'll eat them on the go. I'll just open up a can. Without even heating them up? Yeah, that's right. You're a monster. I am a monster. This guy loves beans. I just like them. They, like, I'll eat them on the go. Without even heating them up? Yeah, that's right. You're a monster. This guy loves beans. They're really easy to make.

You make them homemade. Do you have a slow cooker? I do. Oh, I never even thought about making my own. Yeah, make your own slow cooked beans, man. What's your, do you got a recipe? Nope. Whatever's around.

Some beans, a boot. Boot for flavor. Yeah,, a boot. Boot for flavor. Yeah, soy sauce packages. Do we, uh, we all know this? Yeah, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham, this is Greg from Pittsburgh. I'm calling in with an overheard.

I just was at the library where they have, like, books and also adult programs. And there were these two older ladies, and they were talking to the librarian. And the librarian said to the lady, Is this your first time ever here for Tai Chi? And the older lady said tai chi i thought it said tai chi style movements i don't know about that i don't know if i'm ready to commit to the whole form to the whole chi yeah i mean i like the style isn't tai chi style movements just like Tai Chi?

Yeah. Like, what the hell? I think it's Tai Chi style movements when you are just a white lady in the library teaching it to old ladies. I saw someone doing stuff like this. Yeah. Like, I like my Tai Chi, like, bootlegged, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Off-brand Tai Chi.

Oh, sure, yeah. Flavors of Asia. like my tai chi like bootlegged you know yeah yeah yeah flavors of asia yeah i like a food court version of yeah here's your next phone call hey david graham and delightful guests this is julia from minneapolis calling into you from the library conference i met in denver colorado where i just walked by two apparently homeless gentlemen chatting with each other. One said to the other with a grand gesture at the Colorado Capitol building, the only reason all this exists is because we're looking at it right now. That's all I heard. Whoa.

Yeah. That's real deep, man. That's real deep. The only reason that this exists is because you're listening to it right now. Whoa. That was, yeah, the library, great place for old people, adult programs. Yeah. Also homeless.

And overheards of all kinds. Yeah, those are the two main populations that I see. And then students really struggling. Students falling asleep, drinking a giant thing of Red Bull. Sure. Or Monster. Oh, yeah. Also, her name was Julia, and my name is Julia,

and she said, hi, delightful guest, so I appreciate that. Yeah, right? That's so nice. She could tell. Here's your final overheard of 2016. Hey, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. Nick calling from Vancouver was an overheard. I was waiting in front of an old spaghetti factory,

a local shitty restaurant. And a kid walked by and pointed at the sign out front and said to his mom, it's old, mommy. It's old, mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy, the spaghetti factory is old. Let's go in there. It's old, mommy Mommy Mommy, the spaghetti factory is old Let's go in there, it's old

You like antiques, don't you? Oh yeah, the old spaghetti factory is fun It's great, yeah Yeah I mean, not if you're paleo Is it a chain? They have one in Toronto Okay

Yeah, it's definitely a chain. And it's just littered with kids. They only have one here. No, there's one here. There's one in New West. Oh. Yeah, I've been to both. Is it a spaghetti factory that makes old spaghetti?

I think it's been a spaghetti factory that's been around for a long time. Okay. Can you teach an old spaghetti factory new tricks? But also, like... No. Do you get a discount because you're getting it right from the factory? It's not going through a middleman? Or do you get a discount if you're old?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because it doesn't have a whole factory vibe to it, does it? Oh, yeah. No, it is. You go and there's sparks everywhere. Yeah. Big chains hanging down.

Exposed beams. Sawdust. A guy just comes over with a vat and pours sauce on his feet. Your server is often missing a finger or two. It's a trough. It's so loud you can't talk. The spaghetti mill.

Oh boy. Well, that brings us to the end of this year episode. Also, follow-up question. Can you get fettuccine? Yeah, you can get fettuccine. You can get a ravioli. But none of them are from the spaghetti factory. You can get a tortelloni.

Those are pastas they brought in? No, no, no. It's like when you go to Speedy Autoglass. They also fix other things, too. They's like, uh, when you go to, uh, speedy auto glass, they also fix other things too. They'll do things at any speed. Yeah. Sometimes they'll do stuff slowly. Uh, now, Julia, thank you very much for being our guest.

Thanks for having me. Um, do you have, you have things coming up? You want to plug? Yes, I have, uh, so many things, uh, coming up. Well, I don't, this is not going to be out. I'm at Vancouver Yuck Yucks this weekend, but you're going to miss it. Yeah. And then I'm at Heckler's in Victoria on the 29th and 30th of April.

They can catch that. Yeah. And then I'm recording my album. I'm doing my headline week at the downtown Toronto Yuck Yucks, June 8th to 12th. I believe those are the dates. It's Wednesday through Sunday so check your map that's for June um yes yeah

should I like my website yeah where what's the actual uh where they can go to see these uh food blog things oh yeah so my food blog is eatingwithjulia.wordpress.com

um and then I have an Instagram that's just what Julia eats. That's a corresponding thing. Okay. Yeah. On brand. Yeah, and then Viral Kitchen

is my YouTube show. It's like youtube.com slash funnyjules. J-U-L-E-S? Yeah. Okay. Because you can't change your YouTube once you get it in like grade 7

or whatever the heck. You know what I mean? I remember when I was in grade 7. When you set it up, it's like that forever. Yeah, mine's novelty mustache. Is it actually? Yeah. See?

So that's why I'm like, that's funny, Jules. And then my website's JuliaComedy.com. It's pretty out of date. And my Twitter is Julia Comedy. And your podcast is We're Doing It. We're Doing It, but We're Doing It is on hiatus. So we're on hiatus. Graham was on it once.

Yeah, we took naps. Yeah, that was the doing it part of the show. Yeah, we took a nap. We got very lazy. That was awesome. We took a group nap. It was really nice, actually. It was really nice.

Yeah. Are you not, if I recall, you're not a napper. I will nap on occasion, never in a group. You're doing it wrong. Because you're not a puppy. Hey. I take it as offensive for some reason. You don't know me.

I am a puppy. Do we have anything we got to plug? Can of beans? Yeah. Oh. I'm frothing some milk. If you like the show, head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap, pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast.

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