Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 428 - Sophie Buddle

Episode Date: May 30, 2016

Sophie Buddle joins us to talk sandwich theft, broken little legs, chili science, and Chicken in a Biskit.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 428 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, he's not afraid to call himself Daddy, Mr. Dave Shumka. Daddy's not afraid of such things.

And it's legit because you are actually a daddy. That I know of. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I may also be an uncle Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I may also be an uncle. I am. Yeah.

You're a lot of things. You're a nephew. You're a son. Oh, yeah. You're a bitch. You're a lover. You're a child. You're a mother.

I'm Meredith Brooks. I'm Sophie B. Hawkins. I'm Jewel. Speaking of Sophies, our guest this week, returning guest of the podcast. Sophie the giraffe. The most popular toy in the Western world, Sophie the giraffe joins us. It's, of course, comedian and Instagrammer, Sophie Buttle.

Hello. Hello. How are you? Good, thank you. You don't really want to be introduced as Instagrammer. No, I want to be introduced as daddy, but I don't know. Oh, yeah. Part-time daddy.

That I know of. Everybody stop. Let's get to know us, huh? Ah. Get to know us. So, Sophie, it's been about, I would say, about a year since you were last here. And just for the listener, if you're wondering why Graham and I are so giddy. Because I look great.

Yeah. Yeah. We haven't recorded in like three weeks. I know. And we're like a couple of kids that the teacher made sit apart in class. Oh, my friends and I used to do that. And then we would yell across the room and then they would put us back together. You're like, oh, now you're disturbing the whole class.

Yeah, that's their move. I used to, my teacher, if I was disturbing people, would make me sit out in the hall, but close enough that I could still hear the teachings. So he would make me pull my desk out just past the door. There was one guy in our school who always got his desk got pulled up to the front of the blackboard. So he was like right beside the teacher all class. Wow.

He's a troublemaker. Yeah. And that kid is now our prime minister. So what's been going on with you in the past year? What has happened since we last saw you? Boil it down to the next. Okay, well, I woke up. Yeah.

And then pretty much caught up. Oh, okay. You're sure? Yeah. You just lived it one day at a time. Yeah. Staying woke. Very good.

Right? Yeah. And swole. You're both swole and woke? Yeah. And swole. You're both swole and woke? Yeah. Are you swole? I dabble. How do you keep so swole?

You can't see because I have a puffy jacket on. Oh, yes. You're also wearing a Joe Camel kind of something made out of kind of a waxy paper jacket. Very, very thin paper. It does have some rips in it. Sure. That maybe you made? Or, you know, well, it thin paper. Does have some rips in it. Sure. That maybe you made? Or, you know, well, it's paper.

I definitely made. Maybe you were standing too close to a hole punch. These are things that can definitely happen. Did you ever smoke cigarettes? When I dabble in cigarettes, I like to smoke clove cigarettes because they don't have really nicotine in them. So what is, what is that? It's like a little cigar. Like it smells.

Is it dark paper? Yeah, it's dark paper. It's like a little cigar. It's like a theater school cigarette. Ooh. It's very artsy. Yeah. Except that I don't like theater kids.

But. We'll get to that in a minute. What's great about those is like if a homeless person, if you have a pack of clothes and then a homeless person is like, can I have a smoke? And you're like, okay, I only have clothes. And they're like, no, thank you. Like even homeless people don't like them.

No, but if you can find me a portion of one on the ground, I'd prefer that. But they don't have tobacco in them? Or they do have tobacco? Somebody told me once and then I have, it's switched a bunch of times and now I tell people that they don't have nicotine in them. Oh, have tobacco somebody told me once and then i have it's switched a bunch of times and now i tell people that they don't have nicotine in them oh well then what's the point i mean oh boy what is the point of smoking it doesn't have nicotine it tastes good i like

does what's the what's the part of smoking to begin with oh because it makes you dizzy yeah smoking's the best if you're thinking if you're on the fence about smoking, first of all, I'd say shop around. Find a brand that's right for you. Don't just take the first cigarette that your friend gives you and that's your brand. No. That's insane. Have a few samples off the ground. Or go to Costco where they have the samples.

Oh, man. That would be the best. Oh, man. That would be the best. Just so they're all nicely laid out on a match tray. In the little tiny bowl thing. Yeah. They must have had something like that back in the days where you could smoke everywhere. It wouldn't be worse than the smell of the samples that they have now.

Where they're cooking some sort of weird meat thing on a hot plate. My dad and I went yesterday and one of the samples was literally whole wheat bread that they had toasted. And they were like, have you heard about this toast? I mean, bread is great. But toast really kicks it up a notch. Yeah, if you heat up bread. And then if you heat it up too much, croutons. These are the, this is me trying to sell toast.

And then if you heat it up more than that, it's my toaster in my home. Oh, really? Do you have a bad toaster? I have a very bad toaster. Well, I have a really bad toaster as well, to the point that now I just use the oven to toast things. I just don't eat toast anymore. Really? I'm not going to bake my bread.

That's what I do. I used to have a toaster oven. Yeah, see, I wish I had a toaster oven. Which was the best. I do have a toaster oven, but it's too high for me to reach in my kitchen. Don't you live with a roommate? Yeah, but I don't want to bug him. No, come on now. Can I get on your shoulders?

You mean it's installed in the wall? No. It's just a way up where somewhere high, so you just never... We have a lot of shelves. Oh, okay. Why don't you put something that you never want to use up on the top shelf?

Yeah. And then bring the toaster oven down. Look. Seems like a lot of work. Look, this is part of what we do now. We reorganize people's apartments. But based only on hearsay. We don't go in and do anything.

No, it's kind of messy. You wouldn't like it. Oh, yeah. Well, clean it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tidy. Do a bit of tidying. Wipe some stuff.

Baseboards. Yeah, baseboards yeah baseboards put things away you guys used to be cool yeah get one of those Mr. Clean magic erasers oh yeah

those are fun although be careful because sometimes they'll make stuff too clean yeah that's true and then you'll have to muddy them up a bit

just to feel comfortable in your own house well that's true if you have like something on the wall and you use a magic eraser to wipe it off, then that part of the wall

gets cleaner than any other part of your wall. Oh, yeah. And then that becomes the real show wall where you bring everybody. Like, oh, no, don't stand over there.

Stand over close to the show wall. Yeah, a toaster oven, to me, seems like the ultimate luxury. You can have mine if you can reach it. I don't think I can. Will Gavin help?

So, guys, it was the best. You could make a half a sandwich, like two halves of a sandwich. This is what I'm talking about. This is what I'm using my oven for. Melt cheese onto them. Yeah.

Even just to heat up a sandwich a little bit. Like a Quiznos. Well, when I worked at Starbucks, I used to steal the sandwiches every day. And I would put them. Every day? Every day. All of the sandwiches? Yeah, every day.

All of them. And then I had my toaster oven at that point in my life. And I would put the sandwiches in the toaster oven. But once the sandwich was too thick, and then it was touching the element, and it caught on fire. And now I remember now the last time I used my toaster oven. Oh, so it's not so much a question of it being too high. It is also too high, but it is out of my reach because I lost privileges.

Yeah. But I think enough time has passed. You've grown as a person. I feel like it's time for you to, you're not stealing sandwiches anymore. Are you? Not from the same Starbucks. Never stolen a sandwich before. That would probably be a real rush.

How do you, like, were you allowed to steal a certain amount of sandwiches legally? I'm not like a lawyer. But like in your, when they said, hey, welcome to the Starbucks, how may I help you? They would say, hi, welcome to Starbucks, no stealing. Yeah. But like as an employee. I would say, okay. What were the perks?

Like you could get unlimited coffee? No, you get a pound of coffee a week. Like full beans. To beans to bring home. Yeah. Okay. You get one bag of coffee. Uh-huh.

And you get, I think it's one free drink per break, but it's free drinks while you're at work. Sure. Right. And then usually free drinks if you come in on your day off, if your manager's not working. Oh, I see. Free sandwiches if no one's looking. And if nobody's there, free sandwiches. The rules are complicated at Starbucks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's a weird one drink per, basically they're saying one drink per shift with the break. No, because if I worked an eight hour shift, you get three breaks with that. Really? Too many breaks. Wow, that's nice. Well, no, but that's why they're so perky because you have so much caffeine every shift.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And sugar. I don't know that they're so perky. Depends on the location. I mean, if it's one of those downtown locations where they're just like worked into the ground. This is downtown. This is on Granville.

Then I feel like they're not as perky. We were perky. Were you? But we were excited from all the stealing. Yeah. Makes you feel alive. I think we talked about this at one point. Were you ever given to shoplifting or only stealing things from places where

you work? No, the only thing I've ever stolen was food from the Starbucks that I worked at. But also, they would throw out the sandwiches after two days because they all had a two-day shelf life. I was like, why not throw it into my mouth? Yeah. Throw it into my toaster oven where it would catch on fire. Throw them all in my bag instead of the garbage bag.

Yeah, no, that makes sense. Yeah. Would you only steal two-day old ones or would you... No, I'd like the garbage bag. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Yeah. Would you only steal two-day-old ones, or would you? No, I like the fresh ones. Yeah, well, do it. I enjoy selling luxuries in my life, you know? But they were made, I don't, I've never had a Starbucks sandwich. They're not made on the premises, are they?

Are they delivered? Yeah, they're delivered. They're delivered, yeah. Okay. But there's not, yeah, they had, I don't know. I've had one once. I was not thrilled, but I wasn't disappointed. It was exactly the level I thought it would be.

Their cheese dish plate thing is pretty good. Is it? Mm-hmm. For stolen food. Yeah, for food you didn't have to pay for It's great We used to melt We would cut apple fritters

Who's we? Me and the other people Who would steal from Starbucks Okay You and everybody else Who wasn't the manager Yes Vagrants and aprons

We would cut apple fritters in half And we would melt The sausage breakfast sandwich Inside Inside of the apple fritters in half and we would melt the sausage breakfast sandwich inside, inside of the apple fritter. Okay. So you would do away with the, whatever it was, English muffin.

Yeah. And then just make it. That was too subtle for us. I, yeah, I love that. I'm curious about like every restaurant, because you know how restaurants have like a secret menu,

but then they also probably have like an employee knows like, you can, you you know take a mcnugget and shove it in a shamrock yeah yeah that's true there's probably like some like crazy deep frying that goes on at a fast food place after hours yeah sure and their test kitchen yeah but did you ever have a crazy because you you were making coffees, did you have a crazy drink that you would make? There was one, the woman that I quit because she was the worst, she's like shorter than me. Gross. And like probably, yeah, which was enough already.

Little people, big world. But also like 8,500 pounds, like the biggest woman I've ever met in my life. I don't think that's an achievable weight. Well, not at your height. Wait until I tell you her drink, though. This made the whole thing possible. Yeah, she'd order a drink and just throw an apple fritter in there. Instead of a cup, put it in an apple fritter.

Like the soup in a fritter. Yeah. Okay, so she would get a venti white mocha frappuccino with cinnamon dolce syrup. Oh, brother. And caramel drizzle and like three shots of espresso or something on top of it. Wow.

Every shift, like every break, that was her beverage. Oh, this was somebody that you worked with. This was a customer. This was a shift manager, not a store manager. So she was kind of also stealing from the company in that she put every available topic.

A $9 beverage. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, pretty good. There was a news story like a year or two ago It's a $9 beverage. Oh, wow. Yes. Yeah, pretty good. There was a news story like a year or two ago about a guy who figured out the most expensive beverage you could possibly make. Oh, yeah. And it's like 70 shots of espresso or something.

Like it takes like three days to make or something. I saw that. I don't know. I'm thinking of the same thing. Your sandwich would expire in that time okay i'll see you in 72 hours make sure it's piping hot my favorite news story is or like whenever there's something about did you know that this food was bad for you and it's like a Frappuccino.

Oh, yeah. Oh, man. I was behind a couple of kids at Tim Hortons and they ordered a Frappuccino. And those things are. You're thinking of an ice cap. Oh, yeah. Ice cap. But it had like some kind of whip thing on top.

It was not as automated as I would expect that process to be like there was a lot of having to add different parts and i was standing there watching the guy do it and i was like he's got i was like it's got to be a better way because this guy's got to get an icing bag and do the do the fucking whatever it is the goop that's on top of the fondant. Yeah. I was like, that can't be the easiest way to do that. But what was the... They're artists, though. Tim Hortons. What was the straw

that broke the camel's back with Starbucks? Why'd you leave? Well, this lady transferred... What is this, retail nightmares? A little bit. I told this story on Retail Nightmares. Skip it. Okay, next.

Next question. I like the articles, the health articles, where they tell you the bad food that is good for you. Like they wrote a thing about quarter pounders. Oh. No, not like plums. Bad food? What's bad about them? You don't like them?

Yeah, I don't know. They're always a little bit too tart. They're a bit drippy. Yeah. It's bad for you. You've got to get a paper towel. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's not good.

Bad for the environment. But I read this thing about quarter pounders that was definitely written by McDonald's about how it's the cheapest way to get protein or something if you have like two dollars. I can think of a cheaper way. McDonald's about how it's the cheapest way to get protein or something. If you have like, I can think of a cheaper way. Okay, daddy. But of course that's like,

uh, well, cause it's a quarter pound and it's also, it was also, yeah. And the, the double arch times, like what?

Yeah, yeah. Columnist R. McDonald. Yeah. Columnist G. Remus. Yeah. H. Burglar. What a scoop. Reach for comment.

Hamburglar said robble robble um yeah I uh the cheapest way to get protein well I guess what about a hot dog surely that's gotta have some kind of protein I didn't

write it I don't know maybe I noticed the Burger King now has a whopper hot dog. Yeah. Does McDonald's sell hot dogs? No. That's how they started.

Really? No. Yeah. No. They sold hamburgers and hot dogs. No. Absolutely they did. I've read the story.

Of Ray Kroc? Yeah. Grinding it out? The Ray Kroc story? I've read a whole book about it. Yeah, me too. They used to sell hot dogs. I specifically went right to the glossary at the end, looked up dog hot dogs.

Hot dogs. Hot. I watched a video the other day about how hot dogs are made. Oof. Pretty gross, guys. Is it hot? There were a couple of shots where there's just sausages shooting out at this tray. So if not, but it's really gross, you guys.

They're gray most of the time until they kind of douse them in liquid smoke. Oh. Yeah. And then bake them. That's the only reason that they're not just like a tube of gray sludge. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. That also sounds very good to me, though. A tube of gray. It's the cheapest way to get protein. Tube of gray sludge. That also sounds very good to me.

It's the cheapest way to get protein. Tube of gray sludge. It is. When I buy hot dogs, it's remarkable how long the expiry date is. Oh, yeah. How it's like, oh, this should be good for three or four days, not three or four months.

And if you freeze them, a lifetime. Sure. You could will your, and I will my Schneiders to my son and daughter. This is an heirloom hot dog. Have you ever been willed anything in your life? I never have. In an inheritance? Yeah, in an inheritance.

No. You? Like sometimes I take my mom's clothes, but I think that's different. No. I think maybe, I don't know, my grandmother has like 20 grandkids, so we all got like a few hundred dollars. And some hot dogs. Yeah, some hot dogs. These hot dogs are to share.

And some hot dogs. Yeah, some hot dogs. These hot dogs are to share. Yeah, no, but I know people who have been willed a huge amount of money, and that sounds pretty good. I'm interested in that. I'll talk to Daddy. So, Sophie Buttle. Sophie Buttle, let's start from scratch with scratch. Yeah, let's start from scratch.

Should we start over? What's going on? Yeah. What's going on? Yeah. Tell us what's going on with you. I wish I had something going on. Are you still working at the juice place?

No, that shut down. This is a fun story. Okay, here we go. It was pretty clear that I wasn't really making any money because people were coming in. Okay, yeah, that's the first step you need. Customers. So he recently told us in a group text that the store is closing with four days notice.

Store closing, LOL. Yeah, pretty much. Poop emoji. And we were like, ah, LOL. But yeah, so now there's no more juice. But like it kind of, people would, half the people that would come in were mad that it wasn't fresh, freshly squeezed juice. Did we talk about this juice place last time? Yeah.

I don't know, but now this is the death of it. Yeah, well, you have a lot of questions about cold pressed juice. Oh yeah, cold pressed juice. Oh yeah. Yeah. So they were mad that it was already juice? Yes. Like, earlier in the day?

They heavily implied it was less healthy. Oh. Because the moment it leaves the press, it just starts losing nutrients. You've got to put your mouth under. Where do they go? Oh, into space. They go into the hot dogs. Why wouldn't you just hover with your mouth over some juice?

Or under the press. Yeah, and just catch all the nutrients as they are escaping for free. Stop stealing nutrients over there. Just sucking in those nutrients. But you have to, it's hard because it's not just inhaling them. You want to swallow air, which makes you burp. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

And burping is impolite. Was it, at this place, was there also sandwiches that you could take home? No. Just juice? Yeah, so I'm glad it's gone. Did you steal juice? No, you get a free juice every shift and that's plenty. Yeah.

But like, because there's a juice place not far up the street from where i live and i don't understand how a juice like i can understand how juice place could be exist in a cart how juice place could exist or like how it could be well there's the juice truck yeah it's very popular yeah that to me makes sense but that that you would have a whole brick and mortar building, a whole retail space just for juice. Oh, yeah, Glory Juice or something. It's this huge, near Main Street. Oh, yeah.

The one near Science World. It's huge. And yet, the name is not. The name is horrible. Yeah, the name is. It's like if you're a great grandmother. Don't be a juice place called Glory. Named a juice place.

Why don't we call it Glory Juice? It'll remind everyone of the drippings. So many nutrients. But yeah, when you go into a place like that, like what is the... You're not going to buy a juice and then buy another juice, right? Like, coffee, you maybe will buy a coffee and a croissant or a muffin or something. But you're not going to buy a juice and then, like, get another juice. Juice places make all their money, I think, with juice cleanses, where you buy enough where that's all you drink for a couple days. Oh, okay.

Is that why your place went out of business? Did you guys do juice cleanses? Yes. So did you give people boxes of juice? Yeah. And then you're like, just drink these. Drink these, buy more juice. What would be a popular juice?

Like, do people want to punish themselves with- Yeah. Okay, this is another problem with the store. We did not sell orange juice. And it is all anybody ever wanted. Did you have Fruitopia? Did you have grape? Yeah.

Did you have Sunny D? We didn't have orange juice. We didn't have grapefruit juice, which is my favorite. That's insane. What juice did you have? My problem with these juice places is everything has turmeric in it. Turmeric? Turmeric.

Everything's got ginger. It's not a turmeric. Ginger. There's no fun juices. You have to like know a guy. Can you just put like strawberries and lemonade or something? That's why Orange Julius did so well for so many years. I'm on their plan.

It's only fun juices. Yeah. And you can get a hot dog. What was the most fun juice that you could get at this juice place? I was just like cranberry. I'm just kidding. It's the least fun juice. Prune juice.

Raisin juice. Yeah. Like kind of a prune cranberry turmeric splash. Yeah. Yeah, it's like... We call it the Wilford Brune. We call it the urinary tract infection. Yeah, was there any fun?

Like strawberries? Did you put strawberries? Could I get a strawberry juice? No. Every, every place should have like a gimmicky headline grabbing thing. Well, one of our juices is orange pineapple pear. You said there was no orange. No, no orange straight up, which is all people wanted. But we had orange pineapple pear, but a lot of the names of the.

Oh, you're down with OPP. Exactly. It was called the OPP. But OPP in the song- Is other people's privates? Yeah. Which is not something you want to associate with juice either. Well, like glory juice they do.

Just had the grossest thought. we all we're all having it um yeah i uh why because an orange doesn't cost very much uh this much i know like you can buy a when's the last time you bought an orange? Two days ago. Oh, darn. You called my bluff. And they're not very expensive. But if you go to a fresh, like get fresh squeezed orange juice for a glass this big, that's about $8. Yeah, yeah. Well, it takes like 13 oranges to make that. I know, but a bag of oranges don't cost that much. Is it the labor?

Is it the convenience? Well, yeah. Someone's got oranges don't cost that much. Is it the labor? Is it the convenience? Well, yeah, someone's got to clean out all that pulp. I like it with a little pulp. In every cafe in Spain, they have this machine that's full of oranges on the side, and there's like a conveyor belt that leads in, and it cuts them in half, and it juices them in front of you, and it's really cool. And those orange juices are much cheaper than here. Because those machines are everywhere.

So here in Canada, we still have people doing it by hand? Yeah. Oh, well, this is one of those things where I'm like, it is time to. Automate. Automate that job. And I think there was another thing to say earlier. The Tim Hortons thing. Yeah.

Automate the whatever it's called. Chiller. And those kids eating, like, because you can't tell kids not to drink Frappuccinos or whatever. No, you can smack it out of their hands, though.

But that's got to be like a bazillion calories, right? They weren't skinny kids. Yeah, but I was, like, when I was a kid, I ate nothing except like, I ate nothing. I would have like a Slurpee for breakfast, another for lunch, and a sensible dinner of ice cream and like Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Those are nutrients that just evaporate. Yeah, that's true. You just need to,

because I've heard people talk about like, I can't believe my parents let me eat that kind of stuff. But when you're a parent, you're like worried your kid is going to starve to death. So just eat food. Yeah, just eat any old trash. Well, he's not going to eat anything green, so let's just feed him shamrock shakes. But yeah, I feel, I don't know, like, the whole juice thing confuses me.

Don't like it. It's like... I'm fine with it. It just confuses me. What's confusing about it? It's the squeezings of a fruit. No, if I went to a grocery store that then had a juice counter, that makes sense. But just a standalone juice place, it blows my mind.

It doesn't seem like a thing that needs to be its own store. And yet it closed down. They should at least sell salads or something. Or something, right? Something, yeah. Yeah. Coconut water. Oh, there.

Now we're talking. Some of our juices had coconut water in them. Oh, yeah. Doi. Were you allowed to freestyle juices in the back and just make whatever kind of- Allowed in the same way that I was allowed to steal sandwiches from Starbucks. You're just having a giant glass of orange juice. Somebody's like, that's what I want.

Sorry. Off menu only. Sorry. You got to know a guy. Yeah. You got to know me. I do. I'm your roommate.

I helped you reach the toaster oven. Yeah. Then I put it back up on the top shelf because he burnt that sandwich. You ever bring home a juice and burn it? Not anymore. Do you have other gadgets in your kitchen that you just like don't? Because I feel like a lot of people buy a gadget and they're like, this is going to change the whole way I do everything. Then they use it once and they never use it again my dad got me an espresso

machine but one where you have to grind the beans yourself first and then tamp it and stuff yeah which is too much for the morning and you don't want to so you have to set a coffee machine to be ready have that cup of coffee then get to work on that. Yeah, it's too many. It's a busy zone in my life. I don't need that. Dave, do you have any of those? I'd rather just retire. I think we have gadgets and gizmos.

No, we've got like, yeah, there's stuff that we have considered getting. And I generally put the kibosh on them. Like, we just don't have room in our kitchen for another thing. Yeah. And we're pretty good at using what we have. Like, there's no one that you're like, boy, we only use that once a year. Well, the turkey roaster. Yeah.

We use it, well, twice. Christmas and Thanksgiving. The oven? Yeah. I call it a turkey roaster. Is it just a big pan um i was lying my mom has one of those things that carbonates water oh yeah yeah soda stream yeah but they use it a lot yeah i could see like something like that could be because it's in the beverage world i feel anything the beverage world's gonna get a

lot of use but anything that's in the bread maker world. Oh, yeah. See, a bread maker. That's a classic thing that a lot of people have. Did you have one? No. I feel like I remember. At a deep fryer that somebody had, like some roommate had come and gone and left a deep fryer.

And I think. But then what do you, you have to like. You have to like pour like a ton of oil in it. And then when it's done, what do you do with the oil? You drink it. You pour it over the neighbor's fence. You throw out whatever you

were deep frying and just drink the oil. You use it to stop people from climbing the walls of your castle. I pour it around the perimeter of my house to keep spirits away. Because it's too slippery for the spirits. Yeah. They slip and fall.

But I don't know what happened to the deep red. I think maybe it moved on. Maybe one of the roommates left and took it with them, which is fine. Because I don't think we ever used it. Yeah. I've noticed some people have popcorn machines, too. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

We had one of those with the hot air. Yeah. Those were really good. Yeah. Yeah, I've noticed some people have popcorn machines, too. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, we had one of those with the hot air. Yeah. Those were really good. Yeah. Yeah. They're not bad, like George Foreman Grill. That seems like something that you'd for sure, but we had one of those kicking around for a while. But yeah, we have this toaster that sucks.

It's like the one thing we need to work. Nah, nobody uses that toaster. It doesn't pop up on time. We'll just put this toast in the turkey. Turkey roaster. Our toaster's pretty good. Yeah? Yeah, go Cuisinart.

Oh, sure. What kind of toaster you got? Oh, you don't toast. I forgot. I don't toast, but it's a piece of trash. I think mine's a Cuisinart. I don't know. It's not a label like yours.

Yeah, sure. It's not ironed. Yeah, ours, if it had a label, part of the plastic on it has been melted. I don't know how the hell that happened. Probably from my toaster oven radiating heat. We have... From the big toaster oven fire of 2015. When I moved in with Abby, she had a TV and the TV brand was Crosley.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, Bing Crosley. Which is like, I don't think they've made that brand of anything since the 70s. Crosley. Is that like an Acer? Oh, no. Acer's the high end. Really?

Well, no. But Crosley seems like something that would have been bought up. Crosley or like Zenith? Yeah, it was bought up by like United Steel, which was then bought up. Or it was the house brand of a department store that doesn't exist anymore. Or it was the Warrior Princess. Zenith, the Warrior Princess. Yeah, what's the...

I've definitely had when MP3 players were first coming out, I had some kind of crazy off market. We got you an iPod. Did you? Yeah. And you're like, this one's called the Zamzing. You zam songs and you zing them to listen. You zang them on there and you zim them.

It was a weird shape, you know? It looked kind of close to an MP.E.D. player, but... But it's like a Mentos package with a little screen that doesn't... Yeah, it looks kind of like a bomb. Yeah. Or at least something to activate a bomb. Yeah. It's shady.

Yeah. I do. I really do like the idea of this old mom-and and pop electronics company that just churned out. Mom and daddy. Thank you. You know, yeah, like the type of TVs you'd find in a hotel or something like that. Like those remotes that they used to have in hotels didn't resemble any home remote no you ever had and then you looked in the batteries and the batteries were some crazy company you've never

heard of before well the company of the batteries is always it's like where daredevil zips out it's got that little devil on it from the deviled ham we make two things ham and battery we're the devil company put a devil on it yeah the spiciest batteries in town but yeah like how many battery companies were there there still are because if you buy any remote it'll be it won't be durazel or never it'll never be energizer durazel yeah it'll always be like zim zam yeah smith and sons artisan oh yeah i'd like to go to an artisan and really an artisan anything shop is fun to go into. There's an artisan broom shop here in town. But an artisan electronics store would be. Oh, yeah.

Just homemade. Sort of like handcrafted. Locally sourced batteries. Sure. Yeah. Ethically made radios. Oh, boy. This is what you think electronics are?

Gluten free TV. Oh. Well, Dave, what's This is what you think electronics are? Gluten-free TV. Oh. Well, Dave, what's going on with you? Well, we haven't recorded in 18 days. Let's see. In those 18 days, let's see what happened. Nothing of note. Well, I had one of those royal blizzards where they have the fudge in the middle.

Oh, yeah. Is that for dinner? Yeah, it's for dinner one day. We have my dog's birthday another day. Oh, yeah. Happy 12th. And the main thing is my daughter broke her leg. So, I mean, she's out for the rest of the season.

Yeah. Oh, boy. And I had her in my pool. Oh, baby pool. Yeah. In the boy. And I had her in my pool. Oh, baby pool. Yeah. In fantasy baby baseball. A couple weeks ago, we were, a bunch of parents all went out to a park with their babies. And Margo.

Oh, this starts bad. Everyone was like sitting down having dinner. Margo was bored and wanted to go on the slides. Yeah. So we went up on the slide and went down the slide and she kept going up and down and she loved it. And then she saw another playground at the same park, the big kids playground. And then she was drawn to that and she was walking over. It had small slides, but it also had big slides and she only wanted to go on the big slide.

And I was like, okay, you can go on the big slide, but I'm afraid you'll hurt yourself. So go on my lap, sit on my lap and we'll go down together. The safest place in the world, daddy's lap. And so in my effort to protect her from hurting herself, I broke her lap. Oh no. So, yeah, we went down the slide with her on my lap, and her

foot got caught, like, the rubber from her shoe kind of caught on the edge of the slide between my leg and the slide, and twisted back. Not like, it didn't look broken. No. Like, kids' legs always kind of look broken. Like it didn't bend forward. It just sort of like twisted around the side. And she sounded like she was in a lot of pain. But it was also bedtime.

Yeah, and you're like, kids cry all the time. Yeah. Trying to get out of bedtime. Yeah. This is a preemptive strike. Well done, Mario. And so we like calmed her down and then went home and put her to bed. And she woke up at like four in the morning and was like, I, yeah, yeah, yeah.

My leg. I'm having so much trouble sleeping. I know we're like at four in the morning, she still couldn't, she couldn't put weight on it. And so we were like, okay, let's go. You told her to walk it off., she couldn't put weight on it. And so we were like, okay, let's go. You told her to walk it off. She couldn't put a weight on it.

Basically, we tried to stand her up and she was like, no. No way. Ow. So we went to the hospital and they were like, are you sure this thing's broken? And we said, you're the expert. Yeah, yeah. And it doesn't look broken. There's no bruise or swelling or anything.

And they did x-rays. And we can't really tell from the x-rays. But they put her in a little splint. Yeah. Which is the way they do it is you go into a special room in the hospital. And a doctor dips what looks like a maxi pad in a bucket of water. And then they're like, look how observant this is. Yeah.

Now let's try it with you. So, yeah, it's this weird thing that they dip in water and it heats up. I guess it's filled with glue and it heats up and it molds to the shape. And so they wrapped her leg with a tensor bandage, put this thing under the tensor bandage and it molded to her leg and she couldn't move her leg. And they were like, we'll call you later. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll call you. Uh, yeah, we got your number. We'll call you and we'll set up an appointment to see if how she's doing, but if maybe she's fine and she can try to walk on this. And so 10 days later, we had an appointment For the osteo, arthro something.

I don't know. You're looking over at me like I know. I don't know. The bone place. Yeah, the bone place. The bone yard. Yeah. So we go in, the x-rayer again, and they come back and they show us the x-rays and they say, well, it looks like she's healing really well. And so we're thinking, oh, great.

Maybe she doesn't have to wear this splint much longer. And you're like, we're off the hook. This was just a thing that happened. But then they were like, and since it's healing, now we know for sure that it was broken. So we're going to put a cast on her for two more weeks. To make sure that it all... I guess. The one thing that I've always... I didn't know until very recently,

because babies wiggle around a lot. Uh-huh. They're the wiggliest. How did you get her to stay still during the x-ray? Oh, man. It was hard. Yeah, I bet. And she was furious.

Well, basically, they had to take five different pictures. Yeah, to show all of her range. Yeah. One, she was dressed as a clown. One, she was a tragic doctor. Do this one more like Pouty. Yeah. Now sling a shirt over your shoulders.

There you go. And when it was done, we gave it to our dry cleaner to hang up. Anyway. And when it was done, we gave it to our dry cleaner to hang up. Anyway, I had to hold her knee and her ankle in place. Yeah. And then, you know, shift it around in different ways. And then the final one, they wanted to see it from the side. So, she was strapped down to the table. Yeah.

Then they had to do this, like, plastic sheet over top of her. It looked like saran wrap, but it was like thick shower curtain plastic. Right. And they just pulled that over top of her leg and like bent her to the side and it looked so excruciating. Yeah. And like clinical, which it was. Yeah. It was awful.

Yeah. But I saw a photo online of there's a contraption that they have to put kids under the age of a year in in order to x-ray them. And it's kind of like a clear plastic kind of tube that they have to be in. She's not quite that wiggly anymore. But because I guess. I want to go in the She's not quite that wiggly anymore. Yeah, yeah. But, because I guess... I want to go in the tube. Yeah. Like, you just keep wiggling around during an x-ray. Oh, what are you going to do?

I don't know. Maybe try one of those tubes. Do me. Put a tube on it. So, yeah, she's been... I was really sad for a long time. Yeah, because I maimed my daughter. And also, she's been, I was really sad for a long time. Yeah, I bet. Because I maimed my daughter.

And also she's like so frustrated because she can't walk or do anything. She's got so much energy she can't burn off. Yeah. She got some good work done in the living room. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, we've made this kind of like cushion obstacle course for her to climb over stuff. Pretty good. And every day we have this wagon that is filled with balls.

So it's like a ball pit. Yeah. And drag her around the neighborhood in that. That's pretty good. Yeah. Except one time we were waiting in the corner. We were standing perfectly still and she stood up and then I started moving and she fell out on her face. Oh boy.

Oh boy. So basically, but like I haven't been an inattentive parent. I, boy. Oh, boy. So, basically, but, like, I haven't been an inattentive parent. I haven't been neglecting her. But, like,

the way I interact with her and sort of, like, the way I show I'm present and I'm engaged is I harm her. I think that...

Accidentally. I think that's part of being a dad. I noticed she also did not let you sign her cast. Dude, when you were a kid,

did your, was your dad? Yeah, I was just going to tell this story. Yeah, because I have ones about my dad.

Yeah, my dad gave me a black eye last week. No. No, I was like, I don't remember it,

but my mom loves to tell me the story because I was in the. Moms love these stories but my mom loves to tell me the story because I was in the... Moms love these stories. Yeah, it's mom's favorite story. Yeah. I was in the seat that, like, you're in it and then you can strap it into the car seat. It's like a...

A strap-on. I mean, yes and no. But it was really icy. It was in Ottawa. And then I wasn't buckled into it yet because he was just walking in the car. But then he slipped on the ice and I fell face first into the ice. I was like a tiny baby. I had a big black eye.

There's a lot of pictures of me. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This wasn't even from the digital era. Yeah, there's one really artsy one where I'm on like this striped couch and I have this huge purple eye. Just a little blonde, curly. Little black eye artsy

this is a cool photo you? well you know my aunt and uncle fed me something that they didn't know I was allergic to and had to rush me to the ER because I had turned blue and I was not breathing

was it? so that's what you know that's they're just trying to uh take care yeah you know feed me a healthy lunch and uh something that we didn't know i was allergic to and uh yeah it's taking do you remember what it was no no i was like one years old you know i didn't know yeah but do they know what it was oh do they know what it was yeah yeah yeah but i've i don't know did you have you ever broken know what it was? Oh, do they know what it was? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know. Did you ever broke... I've never broken a bone except maybe...

I guess your nose isn't a bone. And whatever... If I did, it wasn't corrected. Yeah, I've broken toes and fingers and things like that. Never an arm. Well, no, I fractured my sternum. That was my dad and I wrestling. And he got on top of me with his knee and pressed down too hard.

And it just like we all heard it. It was like and I was like, OK, what do you do about that? I'm like, you just have to wait for it to not heal on its own. Yeah, I couldn't do any like gym. Yeah, I couldn't do any heavy breathing or anything. But did you have like a wagon with balls in it? Yeah, my dad took me around on a heavy... You couldn't do any heavy breathing?

Yeah, I couldn't do a gym class for that. You couldn't do any phone calls? No phone calls. No... Yeah, but yeah, it was a crack. We went to the emergency room and it was clear as day. Cracked sternum. Have you broken a bone?

I don't think so. Not any of my bones. Yeah, that's true. But when you're in the cage fight. So, yeah, I've just been. I think that's just part of being a dad. I think that's, it sounds like that's a pretty universal. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's like. that's a pretty universal. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's like. You physically harm your daughter. Yeah. And then, then here we are. And here we are.

It's just what you do. Yeah. Cause I, cause right. Aren't the dads are, I could be wrong about this. Maybe more rough and tumble. Well, and also my dad will take me to Costco once in a while. Like you did yesterday. Yes. But he often will drop something that I'm really excited to eat. be more rough and tumble well and also my dad will take me to costco once in a while like you did yesterday yes but he often will drop something that i'm really excited to eat like a couple of

costco days ago he dropped they have these like shrimp shrimp platters like the big circles it's not a big circle it's just in like a little does it have like a cocktail sauce in the middle? Yeah, it has cocktail sauce in the middle, but it's not a circle. Okay. Sorry. The trap was like... Like ready to eat ready to eat shrimp. And when we were loading it from the car into my apartment, my dad dropped the shrimp and it opened and all the shrimp fell everywhere

and I was so mad at him. Oh, did seagulls just flock? Like, oh, this is it! We talked about this day! And then yesterday he dropped one of my guacamoles and it spilled in my kitchen. Bad. I know. Ruined Costco day. These are real butterfingers.

Oh, your guacamole. But yeah, it's... And you know what? I would say, if you're ever going to break your leg, do it when you're a baby. When everybody can carry you around and you don't have to take showers. Do you ever watch Game of Thrones? No.

There's this guy, Hodor. No, but I met one of the ladies in Game of Thrones when I was in LA. Shut up. What could that possibly have to do with what I'm going to say? It was important. There's this guy, Hodor, whose job is just to carry around a guy,

a little guy. About this lady you met now. Yeah. So that's, and I just pick up Margo and she points to where she wants to go.

Yeah. And she's just mad at me all the time. Yeah. Being a baby with a broken leg, maximum sympathy.

Maximum cuteness as well. Maximum cuteness. Don't have to use crutches. Oh, but they would be the cutest crutches. Oh, I mean, absolutely. Little teeny tiny crutches. Yeah. Seeing them trying to get them under their armpit, like little tiny Tims.

Let's get them. Tiny baby armpits. Oh, yeah. And also, it's a good time of year to break a leg because she can just wear shorts. Yeah, exactly. Don't have to wrestle with pants. Or with Graham's dad. Well, I do have to wrestle with Graham's dad.

We all do. It's a big part of growing up. Buster sternum. uh buster sternum but that's uh yeah i think because uh and maybe in some families the mom is the rough and tumble one oh yeah sure but i feel like uh there's there's gonna be a parent that takes them mountain biking and somebody's gonna fall off the mountain bike break a tooth that's the way it goes and right and then you if you survive all of those things

then you get to be an adult and you get a podcast yeah and you do whatever you want yeah so that's that's me what's going on with you I hurt my daughter

I put her in a catapult I mean I didn't mean to she just really wanted to sit in the catapult. I was like, okay. But we're not going to let it do its thing. And then she cried. And I was like, okay. And then I catapulted her across town.

Were you in the catapult too? No, no, no. What am I, an idiot? I... What did I do? Oh, I went to Calgary. I went and did a stand-up comedy in Calgary, Alberta. And here's a question that I would ask right out of the gate. Would you consider chili a liquid?

Do you consider chili a liquid? Well, do you consider soup a liquid? Do you consider chili a liquid? Well, do you consider soup a liquid? Yes. Like chicken noodle soup as well. Yeah, because it's more liquid than it is solid. What about mayonnaise? Mayonnaise, I think that's a solid. I don't consider mayonnaise a liquid.

So when you're like, do me a solid. Do me a mayonnaise. Spray me down with that. Or spread it on me me so you don't consider goop liquid what do you mean the Gwyneth Paltrow newsletter

yeah no like like mayonnaise or shampoo the goops no no like mayonnaise I think

wait wait wait what are the like elements of the world made up of there's goop yeah liquid yeah seedlings yeah powders yeah and

slides yeah sure plastics um there's bags there's containers and there's contained boxes foam tubes there's foam uh styro and the other kind so So what, uh, what, what is your verdict? Do you think it's, you think it's a liquid? Like a chili? It depends how thick the chili is. Thick. Say it's thick chili. Like mostly meat.

And if you put it back in the fridge, is it like hard? Does it solidify? Yeah. Then it's a solid. It's a solid, right? What do you say? This is, this sounds like a Judge John Hodgman verdict. No, it's not solid the solid right what do you say this is this sounds like a judge john hodgman verdict no it's not it's not a verdict thing i'm just wondering what you guys

what you guys think i would put it well you know what if it's warm it's a liquid if it's cold it's a solid it's it depends yeah i know it depends so but But it will fill your depends. But you can agree at least in theory that it's debatable. Yes. So my mom. You look very angry. Who I love, made this wonderful vegetarian chili, sent me home with some. And then at the airport, frozen, as frozen solid. I thought this was like a bit you were doing at the club.

Like every night I start off by asking. I thought that for sure, too. No. And then, so I go through security. And the guy at security is not sure. He has to go ask his supervisor. And he's like, I think this is liquid. And I'm like, at what point is this a liquid?

First of all, it's frozen solid. So that's even in the phrase frozen solid. It's a solid. Got it. And also it's chili. So it's not like a frozen. It's not an ice cube. I mean, today it's chili.

Hot tamale. But yeah, they took it away from me. This is not a time for jokes. This is very serious. Oh, I'm sorry. I have a 10-disappointment at 2.30. But yeah, at the airport, they took it away from me. And I feel like that was a bad judgment call.

I was not happy about it. And I said to the guy, I was like, use your own judgment. Don't bring over another person. Because he was like, I just don't know about this. I'm like, well, it's more a solid than it is a liquid. And he's like, I don't really know. And I was like, it's in a solid state right now. When you were talking about mayonnaise being a liquid or a solid,

they would definitely take mayonnaise away. If you had a big jar of mayonnaise. Yeah. Well, because it's the same consistency as conditioner, and you have to have it in the little teeny tiny. Yeah, it's a goop. It's a goop. It's a goop.

But a chili is not a goop. It's another. Uh-huh. It's a goop plus. It's made up of both. I feel like you could have thought it out thought it out not thought it out yeah uh put it in a strainer strained all the liquid out yeah put it back in your container and been on your merry way but it's uh it was frozen salt like so even sit on it

you sit on it um well but like if i'm a terrorist and i'm not but i'm you know what i'm exploring new possibilities i would and i was carrying whatever the whole reason we have to not have so much liquid with us when we travel is because some people were going to make a bomb out of liquid right or well supposedly well yeah like water guns yeah oh yeah that's right but about an empty water gun whatever the components of a bomb were in liquid form but i froze them yeah but i'm that that still goes back to my initial premise that chili is not a liquid it's more of a solid than it is a liquid. But it doesn't matter what state it is.

If you put it in the freezer, you can freeze a bomb. Sure. But I'm still off my initial premise that chili is a solid, not a liquid. If it was soup, absolutely. Would they let you bring soup on? No. What if it was chunky, the soup that eats like a meal? I would debate it.

Although it's more chunky is more soup than it is. Okay, no matter whether chili is... What about T-Boz? What about it? Remember when she interrupted with the thing about Game of Thrones? Yeah, no, follow up now. I'm interested in your thoughts. about Game of Thrones? Yeah, no, follow up now.

Let's hear how interesting your thought was. I just think if... I consider chili in the soup family. Uh-huh. Who's in the soup family? Chowders. The Campbells.

Yeah. If soups aren't allowed, I would say chili would not be allowed as well. See, this is where you and I... This is where we split apart. Like a split pea. Yeah.

Yep, that's definitely a soup. That's for sure a soup. So this was the raging debate. Still rages to this day. With what, man? Not with the, I bet the security people have forgotten. I don't know. Because this guy, obviously, this had never come up before.

So this is obviously, and he had to go ask the supervisor. That was the thing that I was like, you are too dumb to be doing this job. Did the supervisor know it right away? The supervisor had to think about it and go through all these steps. They were disgusted back and forth. I was like, and you guys are in charge of my safety. You two dummies who can't decide on a chili issue. It made me very queasy about getting on the plane.

Now, if you had barfed, would that be a liquid or a salt? That's definitely, it's mostly a liquid. Well, is it comprised of chili? Like, had you eaten chili that day? Wait, am I barfing on the plane or am I barfing in security? You're barfing everywhere. Oh, sure. Well, I should probably go to the hospital.

Well, that's something, too. It's like you could contain it. You could hide a liquid in your stomach. Yeah, well, that's the, I think the liquid thing is, I think they made it up. I don't think there was ever an actual threat. And now they're too far down the line. They can't reverse it. So they're like, ah, we'll just keep it.

Even though it's not actually a thing that actually can happen. Did you hold up the line with this? Nope. No, nope. I accidentally brought a pot cookie on the plane. Ooh. Yeah. But you can't tell a pot cookie from a regular cookie, can you?

You can tell from my eyes. I accidentally brought pot pudding and pot chili onto the plane. Yeah, could you bring a pudding on? Is that a liquid? I think, no, it's a goop. It's a goop. It's a goop. Yeah, I guess because pudding is kind of a goop.

Pudding is absolutely a goop. Pudding is like the goop. I'm mostly thinking in terms of conditioner. I'm just picturing everything coming out of a conditioner bottle. That's how you should have pudding. Oh, boy. Squeeze pudding. Sure, yeah.

Shower pudding. Just like a little bit. Have a long shower. Yeah. Reward yourself. You get tired. You're like, I'm going to go to pudding. It's a lot of standing up in the shower.

What do you mean? What do you mean? I'd like to have a snack halfway through. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a lot of standing up in the shower what do you mean what do you mean i'd like to have a snack halfway through oh yeah yeah entirely yeah one time i took a shower uh this is years and years ago i know uh and uh my friend's dad had passed away we had to stay he was stayed uh lived in a retirement place like a retirement village or whatever. And where they had their own apartments and the apartment

had a chair in it. In the shower? Yeah. My grandma has a shower chair. I want it so bad. It was the fucking best thing. Yeah. Oh man.

Like. Did you feel like a stripper when they like pull the thing and the water comes down? Of course. And also because people were watching. But after that day like i

never there's not a day that goes by that i take a shower that i don't think about having that shower sitting down have you ever been hung over and sat down in the shower and cried the ground no uh no because then i'm like i gotta get back up i plan these things Your laziness Is further than mine Yeah yeah yeah Uh Yeah I know how to plan But uh Yeah the uh Oh man

I'm just thinking About it right now Sometimes I'll pull A chair Into the shower In the big Gang shower At the YMCA

Yeah And he'll just sit down And read a newspaper And uh Is it one of these chairs And sketch the guy Is it like a swivel chair Yeah yeah yeah You over there I saw that sit down and read a newspaper and sketch the guy. Is it like a swivel chair?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You over there. I saw that. Do the spit around. We meet again. See how many times I can make it around. Yeah. So the debate rages on.

Yeah. So that was that. It's a five alarm debate. Yeah. It was a crazy. It was a crazy time to be in Alberta because it's during this giant fire that is still burning to this day. That there were, you know, every single show that I did that weekend, there was at least one person in the crowd who had been evacuated. Oh, wow. Fort McMurray

oh they need to laugh uh yeah and whether or not they got one at the show is uh i mean who can say uh there's no guarantees on these things yeah uh but yeah the uh uh it was it was crazy still it's still happening like it's not uh. It's still just eating up the northern end of our country. The planet is gone. The planet is a lost cause. So now what?

Look, you can just ride it out. I want to sit it out. Oh yeah, sure. And drink pudding out of a conditioner bottle. These are the things I want to sit it out. Oh, yeah, sure. And drink pudding out of a conditioner bottle. These are the things I want to do. There's no reason I can't. But, yeah, why isn't there...

Anyways, that's for another... Why isn't there shower pudding? No, why isn't there pudding that comes out of a squeeze thing? There probably is. Like a ketchup. Yeah. I've never seen it. Like, I mean, I'm sure there is too, but why haven't I had it?

Yeah, we don't get a lot of cool American food here. Like you could have it in the shape of like a water gun. Or yeah, the ketchup guns they have at fast food places. Oh, yes. Condiment guns. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. Yeah, the pudding technology is just not up to snuff here. I know.

It's like it's a goop. It's ready to be gooped on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the pudding technology is just not up to snuff here. I know. It's like it's a goop. It's ready to be gooped on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Goop me. I'm ready for my goop up. But it's also weird that you get pudding in individual cups, but you can't. Can you buy a tub of pudding? I think so.

I don't know that I ever have. Like a bathtub? Yeah. But can you buy like a, like, cause you can get a tub of ice cream. Or yogurt. Or yogurt. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't think I've seen that. I don't think I've seen it either. Pudding tub? Though, like the words sound great together. Absolutely. Well, you can get the, what are you talking about? What do you, how do you normally get it?

Like in a cup. In a little cup. A tub's just a big cup. I know, but that's what I'm saying. How come I haven't, like, why can't I just get a tub of pudding and just sit down in front of the TV instead

of, like, having six. And just be a little tubby guy. Yeah, be a little tubby guy. So, yeah, you think the pudding manufacturers are just making health-conscious portions? Yeah, or they're just... Well, because mostly children eat pudding. That's true. That's all gonna change. I know you have to make that jump, but mostly children eat pudding. So then children-sized stuff usually comes in small portions for lunches.

But first of all, I challenge the assumption that only... I knew they would. I said mostly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I feel like... Also, mostly only old people have shower chairs, but... Old people love pudding. Ooh.

I think we just found a mountain product. Yeah. But I don't know. It's just strange. Like, you can get any other junk food in a large portion. But pudding is, like, oddly controlled. Does pudding go bad? Yeah.

Pudding, I think, is one of the... Well, some of them are. You can get refrigerated pudding and just whatever. Yeah, you can get shelf pudding. Yeah. That's weird. I guarantee you there's tubs of it. Yeah, but none of us have ever bought a tub of pudding.

But what I will say is, no one write us and show us these tubs of pudding. No, I like the mystery. But we can all agree that the three of us have never bought. Or seen. Or seen a tub of pudding. If I had seen it, I would have bought it. I do not agree.

I may have seen it and just put it out of my mind. Nope. Nope. I might have blacked it out. It's a, yeah, the more I think about it, the weirder it becomes. I'm Googling pudding tub. Oh, I broke the internet. Let's see.

But yeah, I feel like. This is all porn. But yeah, pudding. I don't know. Do you eat a pudding? I'll eat a pudding. Yeah. I eat it. I don't know. Do you eat a pudding? I'll eat a pudding. Yeah. I'll eat it.

I'll have it. I have it out sometimes at hotels, like in the free morning breakfast thing. That's the only time I ever eat it. Yeah. Like I don't seek it out, but if it's there. If it's there, I'll put it in. There is literally a brand of pudding called Love Tub. And Cozy Shack does a tub of pudding.

Okay. Do you like rice pudding? No. I like rice pudding. Do you think that that's a liquid or a solid? It's a goop. It's a goop.

Okay. I can picture it being squeezed out of a conditioner bottle in my student film. Is that the definition? Yeah, like a tapioca? Is that what we're

talking about? Rice pudding. It's hot. It's like milky with rice in it. It sounds... Rice pudding, check it and see. Oh, yeah, I know it from the song. It's got a fever of 103.

I mean, I don't know it to eat it, but yeah, I definitely know that song. Yeah, I don't know. Rice pudding, I don't know. Guys, we are spinning our wheels do we want to move on i mean there's part of me that does and there's a part of me that's really fascinated by this pudding chat what show is it where there was somebody was shaking pudding skins off and making...

Game of Thrones. It was Game of Thrones. Didn't you meet somebody from Game of Thrones? Yeah, but I'm not allowed to talk about it. Oh, boy. Well, do we want to... Dave is my publicist and he's bored with me. Do we want to move on to Overheard?

Please. Hello. I am comedian and television writer Guy Branum. Do we want to move on to Overheard? Please. Hello. I am comedian and television writer Guy Branum. And every week on Pop Rocker, I host a fun, freewheeling conversation about all the aspects of pop culture you love to love with my friends and co-panelists. Digital strategist, Winter Mitchell. Journalist, Margaret Wappler. Academic and DJ, Oliver Wang. And you guys, this conversation is not just something we do

privately it's available to you through the information super highway so please subscribe to pop rocket on itunes or at maximumfund.org i'm jesse thorne i'm jordan morris the federal government has millions of dollars in programs and opportunities that you need to seize today. You're a taxpayer, right? Well, then you've got it coming. Learn the secrets you deserve to know. Find the bowling alley under the White House and the laser tag arena underneath Congress. Learn the real story behind Nicolas Cage's dinosaur auction. Find out why the Department of Energy has banned shirts.

Learn the locations of America's secret alien bases and Dan Aykroyd. Find out where the Library of Congress keeps its kasingles. For all of this and more, drop us a line. Jordan, Jesse, go. 1-2-3 iTunes Street or wherever you download podcasts. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard. A segment in which we hear the things out there in the world,

then we report them back. Now, before we get into Overheard. Yeah, shut up, Graham. It's time for my favorite segment on the show. Someone sent us food. Yeah. Pass me the postcard there. Listener, Rachel R., Rachetacular, sent us a nice postcard with an Oregon slug on it.

Now, if you'll recall, oh, yeah, say the thing. Yeah, she said, I hope you enjoy these crackers. I think they are gross, but no others who think they are the best. Either way, they definitely taste like chicken. And they're called Chicken in a Biscuit. Yeah. A few weeks ago when Laurie Gibbs was the guest, we had a long cracker chat and many of our American listeners thought it was crazy that we didn't mention Chicken in a Biscuit. Yeah, Chicken in a Biscuit. I've chicken in a biscuit. I've never heard of them.

We've never heard of them. They're from Nabisco, which in Canada is called Mr. Christy. Yeah, Mr. Nabisco, you make fine cookies. You make acceptable cookies. Oh boy, that tickled me. And people thought that was, it was so strange that we, I cannot get this bag open. People thought it was so strange that we didn't talk about chicken in a biscuit. What I thought people were going to jump on us for was we talked about how graham crackers are the only crackers, only cookies that call themselves crackers.

I expected people to be like, what about animal crackers? You did most of the work there. That was crazy. Diving in for the victory. What is, is there any kind of story written on the box? Yeah, it's got a picture of a chicken. And then these pictures of a biscuit on the box. Yeah, well, it doesn't have, like, the great taste of chicken now in a biscuit.

Yeah, like, it's not like, oh, in 1948, when this man dropped his pet chicken in a biscuit machine. Yeah. when this man dropped his pet chicken in a biscuit machine. Yeah. All it has is on the back, there's an ad for Easy Cheese. That's definitely a liquid. You couldn't get on a plane without that. That's a goop. And on the side, there's ads for Ritz Bits and Cheese Nips.

So I'm assuming... I've eaten a whole box of them. She sent two boxes. One of them didn't make it here. And you're, as a vegetarian. It smells good. You have no. Yeah, there's no listing of any.

I mean, it's all chemicals. It tastes exactly like ramen noodles. Yeah. It's like a chicken packet. One of those chicken flavor packets. Yeah. Like it doesn't taste. But it's a nice cracker. Yeah. As's like a chicken packet. One of those chicken flavor packets. Yeah. Like it doesn't taste, but it's a nice cracker. Yeah.

As crackers go. It reminds me a little bit of the, what are those called? The vegetable thins? Sure. Yes. Totally. But without the vegetable and an actual chicken. Yeah.

They're like vegetable thins that fell out of a chicken's butt. Yeah. It's like vegetable thins, but with the ramen noodle seasoning. Ooh. Like the little chicken packets. Yeah. That's like vegetable things, but with the ramen noodle seasoning. Like the little chicken packets. Yeah, that's not bad. You can bring as much ramen noodle seasoning as you want on a plane. Bring a whole pillowcase full of it. The moment you combine it with...

You should just buy a chili packet next time. That's true. Dehydrate your chili. Now, overheards, we always like to start with the guests. Oh, if anyone would like to send us more food, maybe a tub of pudding. Oh, yeah, absolutely. But it would have to be shelf pudding if it's going to go through the mail. We have a P.O. box, and we can send it to you if you email us, spy at maximumfun.org.

Now, Sophie, do you have an overhurt? I have two. Okay. Do you want to do them back-to-back or one and then we come back around to you? Come back to me. Okay, fun. Okay, so the first one is I was doing door for Sunday service at the Fox. You were working the door.

Yes. What's entailed in this job? Okay, and then these two guys came in. I was just selling tickets at the front of the establishment. The door. Someone say the door. Is it like coat check? Okay, so these two guys came in.

And they're Portuguese, they're Spanish. They had really thick accents. And there's a guy and his dad. And they were pointing at the posters behind me and talking about the shows like oh that looks good that looks good and then they pointed at the one that said strip tease and he said to his dad oh strip cheese oh yeah oh those are that's a cracker i'd eat yeah yeah strip cheese That sounds pretty good. Yeah, what... Do they do a... Is it like a burlesque night?

Yeah, what's strip cheese? All right. No follow-ups. No follow-ups. No questions. I wouldn't mind like a strip cheese show with like spray cheese. Oh. As the nude...

And like, you know, she crafts singles on the boobs. Yeah I was just thinking that there's a really funny internet picture of a really large woman that's covered in craft singles. And maybe like a wedge

of a brie. A wedge of yeah yeah sure. Guys this works. Dave do you have an over? Guys it would have to be Swiss cheese.

So that you could see their wiener? No because there's a hole so there's a place to never go on. You there. Can I eat more of these crackers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't stop eating them. They're the best crackers.

They're really good. Yeah. So I was at a grocery store the other day, and there was a mother with, I think, two kids, maybe three kids, but they were like a tornado of terror for their mother. They wanted everything. Can I get this? That's where the word tots comes from.

Yeah, tot tornado. Tornado of terror. Oh, okay. They were, I guess they were maybe the three of them between age seven and ten. And this like little wiener kid, little boy, I call him a wiener because he was maybe eight or nine and he still called his mother mummy. Oh, yeah. Nerd alert. And here are some of the things

mommy it's precocious here are some of the things I overheard him say mommy can I have this mom I need this can I just have a teeny bit of Pringles but it's special

can I show it to you it's pizza flavored and then the mom leaves. She just keeps walking. Yeah. And then he looks around and tries to find something and goes,

Mom, I gotta have this. And picks up a chip clip. I guess when you're in that mode, that's like, just keep going, just keep going until she breaks down and buys anything.

That guy's going to be so annoying when he gets older and goes to bars and stuff. Mommy, my cravat is loose. When he becomes an auctioneer. You there, mommy.

Oh, you meant like a fancy auction house, not like, like store doors. That's what I pictured. Either way. The Pringle, the pizza flavored Pringle, teeny Pringles, is sold for two million Swiss francs. two million swiss francs um my overheard uh comes courtesy of uh walking i was walking from my friend's house down robson street and i was uh you know sometimes you're like i didn't have any uh earbuds with me or anything oh and i was being exactly paced by a group of teenage girls that were having a conversation.

I was like, I can't walk fast enough to out here. But I also can't drop behind because they're walking too slow. And then I would be just just behind them. Right. So I was like, well, this is the conversation I'm listening to for eight blocks straight until they decide to turn off one street because I got to walk all the way down. And they were just running the gamut

of dumb ideas. But one of them proposed and the other two were not on board. Because they were too old, maybe, to be having sleepovers. Never too old. Mommy! Amber and I still have sleepovers. Uh-huh. Never do. Mummy.

Amber and I still have sleepovers. Yeah, I think it's, I mean, the part of me, Graham and I have sleepovers. Absolutely. Really? We set up a little fort. Who's the little spoon?

Yeah, sleepovers with benefit. And anyways, one of the girls was proposing the sleepover and she said, you know what? We should have a sleepover and then we can see

each other's feet. there's no other way there's no other way for this naturally to happen so let's just make it into an atmosphere where where it's going to be fine to see each other's feet yeah and take all the pressure off sleeping and put it all on her feet. She really wants to sleep over. Yeah. Yeah. So that's her sales pitch. There. Then we can see each other's feet.

Problem solved. Now, Sofie, you have another one. Yeah. Okay. I live on a hill and I left my home and I was walking up the hill and this guy was walking down the hill and he was on the phone and it was walking up the hill, and this guy was walking down the hill. And he was on the phone. It was late at night.

Very flamboyantly gay man. And he was really excited, and he was on the phone. And I could see he was excited from far away. And then when we crossed paths, all I heard was, oh, his name is Dan? That's perfect. My friend Dan died, so I needed a new one. Oh, yikes. Well, yeah, I guess, like, you've already got it saved in your phone. Just change the number.

That's easier than just deleting the whole content. It's easier than throwing out my phone. I was just going to change it to dead instead of dead. So I know if he ever calls me, I'll be like, whoa! Whoa! Oh, man. These chicken and a biscuit have turned out to be pretty fan favorites. I can't stop it.

Give me some more. No, literally, that's why the other box is gone, because I ate that. I think I watched, boy, oh, boy, documentary about KKK taking over small town. Chicken and a biscuit. Nothing goes better with that. Why didn't that story, did the guy have to be flamboyantly gay? Because he was. It's just reportage. Yeah, I guess she was really painting a picture.

I didn't have to say I lived on a hill either. That's true. Yeah, that's true. That didn't play in the story you didn't care about that detail you're right ah shame on me

the um chicken in a biscuit sounds like it's an expression like we've got a real chicken in a biscuit yeah it also

sounds like uh what's that pizza on a bagel was that pizza bagel pizza bagel but it's like chicken in the morning, chicken in the evening, chicken at supper time.

When chicken's on a biscuit, you can have chicken anytime. Yeah, exactly. Now we also have overheards. I don't think I've ever heard that song before. Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening. It sounds like something, you know what I mean? Yeah. What?

No. Like, yeah, skidamarinky.com. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of. Now, we also have overheards sent in from people around the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfund.org. This first one comes from, I don't know how to pronounce this first name, but I think it's Yante. Y-U-A-N-T-E-E. Yante?

Anyways, this is in the UK. An overseen from the lineup at a KFC in a busy lunch queue. They're using the English term. A man in a suit, clearly in a big hurry, ordered a black coffee, a single drumstick, and ran out the door. Didn't even wait to get it? I don't know. Or had a coffee and a drumstick and showed up at their meeting i just stepped uh i didn't have any chicken on a biscuit with me so i just had to go get

well like a quick drumstick in in england chicken on a biscuit means chicken on a cookie doesn't it oh yeah that's right yeah Chicken on a chocolate chip cookie or something. Gross. Usually, if you're a businessman and you're heading to a meeting, that'll be catered. Yeah, or maybe they might not have chicken. No, they'll usually just have Starbucks.

Yeah, they might have popcorn chicken or something. Yeah, that's true. One of those shrimp rings. Me and past guest Erica Sigurdsson just went out and got, we ordered popcorn shrimp off the menu and it was shrimp served with popcorn. Where? Milestones on Davy. That's bonkers.

We were very upset about it and then the lady ended up taking it off our bill because we thought it was too ridiculous. Well, it is. That's super ridiculous. Why would you get, what? It was is. That's super ridiculous. Why would you get... What? It was bad. That's insane. Yeah. Yeah, you got your fried chicken. It's fries and chicken.

Okay. You can't prove us wrong. This next one comes from Steven T A jazz singer Living in Toronto And occasionally gets a booking

At a senior citizen's home or event I can't imagine It's not It's like Seems like it would be more than occasional That would be what I would That's why I'm putting my dad in a home Because he loves jazz singing

As much jazz singing as your dad can handle Seniors are a rich treasure trove of overheards As the filter is off Way off At all times During a recent gig I was performing a few standards by request, and before playing one of the songs, I mentioned that it was made popular by Frank Sinatra. As we played, everyone was moving, dancing, snapping along. As we finished the song, however, I saw one lady in the front row, three feet from me, turn to her friend and exclaim in a very loud voice,

Well, that wasn't Frank Sinatra. Aw. Yikes. Mean. Well, you know, you're only going to have so many years to get your shots in. That's true. She doesn't want to be on her deathbed thinking of all the zings that she didn't deliver. That guy singing in my retirement home wasn't actually Frank Sinatra.

Instead of a deathbed, I'd like a death shower chair. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Die in style. But the point of the shower chair is you don't slip and die. Yeah.

Same with the pudding dispensary. The pudding tub. I want to die in a bathtub full of pudding. Yeah? Yeah. Autoerotic is fixed. Yeah. Wait a minute. Did I read the wrong name for that?

Oh, no. Frank S. from Hoboken NJ. Yeah, either Yanti was the but then it says Georgia No. Frank S. from Hoboken NJ. Yeah. Either Yanti was the... But then it says Georgia in the UK. Anyways, it was either Yanti or Georgia. But don't call me out on it. Call Sophia out on it.

Yeah. This last one is from Duke from Nashville. And I haven't overheard from the local though somehow became national news this is in uh this is around christmas time okay uh mcdonald's in a suburb near here has painted a nativity scene in their window which uh they're allowed to do because it's a locally owned franchise okay uh it has garnered some attention from the news and went viral on the internet. The owner, when interviewed, said, I just want God to be glorified. He's the one who wanted this to go viral.

It's all part of God's plan, man. And on the seventh day, God posted some dank memes. The dankest memes. Thou shall not like your own post. Yeah, he was the original YouTuber. If you look back. Vlogger. Yeah, the first YouTube video posted.

God. Yeah. Hey guys, please subscribe to the Bible. I spent six days on this. If you think I left anything out, leave a message in the comments. Yeah. Anyway. Vote up for fire, down for brimstone.

Here, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. Guys. Yay. Our old phone number is dead. Oh yeah, that's right. People were mourning it online. Did it die in the shower? Died in the shower.

But it was in a prison shower, so it got checked. So if you would like to call us, our brand new phone number is 1-844. It's toll free, guys. Ooh, toll free. 1-844-SPY-POD1. Love it. 1-844-SPYPOD1. It's crazy that that business lasted for so long.

Yeah, the free voicemail for eight years. Yeah, so call us there. It works exactly the same. You dial in those numbers. Yeah. So call us there. It works exactly the same. You dial in those numbers. Yep. A voice comes in, tells you to leave a message. And you can be. Whose voice?

It's mine. Guys, it's mine. Yeah. I just pulled back the curtain. The shower curtain. Yeah. Oh, also, someone noted that the 844 area code spells ugh. So it's one ugh spy pod one.

So here is, yeah, call them in like these people here. Hi, Dave Graham and probable guests. This is Julie from Southern Indiana. I just came out of the Home Depot where I overheard a little girl trying to get her grandparents' attention while they were shopping for faucets. She kept saying more and more outlandish things. And finally, she said, raise your hand if you wish you was Barack Obama. And then she started to sing a little song that went like this. Obama, where are you? Obama, where are you?

And just kind of kept going like that for about three minutes. Love the show. Thanks. Yeah, I know that song. Yeah, raise your hand if you wish you were Obama. My mom used to sing that to me when I went to bed. Obama for always,

Obama forever. As long as I'm living, Obama, you'll be. Here's your next phone call. Hey, David Graham. This is Michael in Denver. I was just out at the store picking up a bottle of wine

for my wife, and I pick up a bottle of white wine on sale, and I turned around to read the description, and it said, Hey, y'all, Jimmy Stafford here from the band Train. And I laughed out loud and put back the bottle.

Hey, y'all. Hey, y'all, it's the guy from Train. It's John Popper from Blues Traveling. Try my pudding. It's a... But that's not... I looked it up. That's not even the main guy from Train. try my pudding. But that's not, I looked it up.

That's not even the main guy from train. So what is it? Was it a wine or it was just some sort of, Oh, I didn't look that up. It was a wine, but you know, you know, train you're,

you're a millennial. You're a big train fan. I like trains. They're okay. Yeah. Right. Hey everybody. It's Thomas. I like trains. They're okay, yeah. Choo-choo. Hey, everybody, it's Thomas. The tank engine.

Try my wine. Okay, that was fun. We've had fun. One more phone call. The last phone call of 2016. All right. Hey, Dave Graham, possible guest. This is Ian.

I was just in a grocery store at the checkout line, and I saw this little kid pushing around a grocery cart, the little child ones, real fast. It was a race car. And when he got right beside me, I heard him go, meow. Anyways, it was great. Yeah. Vroom, vroom, meow

Meow, moo, moo Obama wear Obama Boy, oh boy Cute kids Yeah, the darndest thing If there's anything we've learned from Overheard It's that kids are cute

And Train is the best band Yeah Are you two big Train fans? Oh yeah, Graham and I used to, we'd do karaoke all the time. Hey, soul sister, chugga-chugga-chugga. Then it would be my turn and I'd go, don't go breaking my heart, right? Yeah. We'd do a medley.

We only do the big duet songs. Ebony and I already know who would be who. Please send us an email after clarifying. Now, Sophie, this brings us to the end

of the podcast. Do you have anything upcoming that you would like to plug? Can I do your show on Monday? Yes.

But this won't be out until the following Monday. Can I do also that? I think this comes out on the 30th of May. Yeah. Do you have another one of those shows at the crazy loft space? Oh, yeah. My roommate and I run a show

the first Friday of every month at a secret location. So just email you? Send me a message. I'll tell you what it is. And then also I'm headlining at Laugh Line. Does it do okay if it's a secret location? Do people show up?

It's sold out every show. Yeah, it was full the week I was there. Yeah. You had a great set. If anything, it's a detriment in this town to have people know where your show is. Yeah. I'm headlining Laugh Lines June 3 and 4. Okay.

Yeah. And I'm headlining the comedy mix June 28. Nice. Yeah. There you go. Well, thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you for the chicken biscuits. Oh, man.

I mean, the only problem with having them is now that you know what you're missing out on. Yeah. Because now we can't. They don't exist here. I'm going to start my own podcast. Yeah. You know how people are like, if Trump wins, I'm moving to Canada. Regardless, I'm moving to America to be next to these chicken and biscuits.

Yeah, they don't know how good they got it. Yeah. Or if you're going to come to Canada, bring a lot of chicken on a biscuit. Yeah, come on, guys. Yeah. Be cool. It is a solid, so it shouldn't be a problem. Yeah, yeah.

We would like to plug Nabisco's chicken on a biscuit. Absolutely. They're fun with easy cheese and your favorite Nabisco crackers. Oh, I feel like that would be too much flavor. Too spicy. But, yeah, also, stop podcasting yourself live October 29th in Victoria. Tickets are available online or at Lyle's Place in Victoria. Yep.

That's a dude's house, right? Yeah, Lyle's Place. Just ask for Lyle. He's cool. And. That's a dude's house, right? Yeah, Lyle's Place. Just ask for Lyle. He's cool. And our debut album. Oh, yeah. Our other podcast. We'll have a new episode of that out the first Wednesday in June.

Oh, that's a busy week. That first Wednesday in June. Your show, podcast, me going down to the States to buy as much chicken and biscuit as you can buy with me only being there for 24 hours. What's your biscuit allowance? Oh, yeah. I'm going to Seattle soon for a show, too. That's what the whole trip is about now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going to smuggle. Anything to declare. I love crackers. And if you like the podcast, head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap pictures and videos related to the podcast head over to maximumfun.org check out the blog recap pictures and videos related to the content

of this podcast chicken and a biscuit chicken and a biscuit will be in there I wonder what will be in there some sort of tub of pudding honestly I believe I'll be like

I edit down like mouth noises from from these episodes this is going to be the hardest one ever with all the crunching and

munching um create some fun at snack time it says snack time's always fun you don't need to make it more fun i mean i appreciate it

um and if you like the podcast uh you can leave a review on itunes that'd be nice and uh tell please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself maximum fun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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