Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 447 - Steph Tolev

Episode Date: October 10, 2016

Comedian Steph Tolev returns to talk skinny-dipping, mice, and gun games....

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody, welcome to episode number 447 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark, and with me as always is a man with a tan and a plan who eats bran, Mr. Dave Shumka. None of it's true. None of it's true. I know, as I was saying it, I was like, well, he might have a plan.
Starting point is 00:00:44 Yeah, I mean, so every day kind of looks the same. Yeah. But you've got kind of a to-do list. Like I know when I'm going to bed and stuff. Yeah. That's a plan. And you drink Metamucil, which is kind of like Bran. I sure do.
Starting point is 00:00:56 But I wouldn't say. And I probably eat Bran, you know, in some way, shape, or form. Sure. What is Bran? You know, the part of the plant that they usually throw out i my mom used to have brand like bran flake cereal yeah i loved them i loved uh the one is it two scoops of raisin bran yeah i had to do the whole thing yeah i was like it's like a mystery novel but you start with the ending and you work backwards.
Starting point is 00:01:28 And our guest today. Wait, which one's a honey of an O? Oh, wait a minute. I think that's Grape Nuts. Our guest today, very funny comedian, actually won the Canadian Comedy Award for best Female Comedian in Canada, right after she was a guest on our podcast last time. Returning guest to the podcast, Miss Steph Tolev. Hi.
Starting point is 00:01:53 Hello. Oh, yes. I thought Bran was, it looks like little hamster poos. There's those Bran. Like Bran buds? Bran buds, yeah. We had to throw those away. Like you did, or your your parents did or everybody did?
Starting point is 00:02:09 I think recently I bought some because I thought Abby was putting them in like yogurt or something. And it turns out it was wrong. And I was like, I'll just eat them. No. No, they're... Not a good taste. They haven't put anything in it. No sugar or anything.
Starting point is 00:02:22 But like they don't even... They can't even absorb milk. Oh, they're just like pieces? Yeah, they're like gravel. Oh man. Well, let's get to know it. Sure. Get to know us.
Starting point is 00:02:39 The last time you were here it was a couple days away from the Canadian Comedy Awards and you were like I freaking out about the whole thing and then you went you won well here's the thing what not a lot of people know i'm a very bad loser very bad loser i think everybody knows i thought everyone said you were a very big loser i'm a horrible horrific loser well like is this something from when you were a kid like you'd be at board games no
Starting point is 00:03:05 I know I used to highland dance competitively and I was shit I was so bad I never played so I didn't give a fuck but all of a sudden
Starting point is 00:03:12 when I got into comedy I carried all of a sudden but I was so scared I was going to lose so I ate a weed cookie at the beginning of the comedy wars and let me just tell you
Starting point is 00:03:21 I had the worst speech of the night I'll tell you that right now I just made no sense. I walked out, but I was so high. I just seen Colin Mockery in the front row, and he distracted me. He's like, Colin's in the front row. And it made no sense.
Starting point is 00:03:32 I was riffing with nobody, and they just bombed real bad. They're like, we're going to need that award back. Oh, you won it? Nah, not anymore. I want to hear more about this highland dancing. Yeah, competitive dancing. Oh no, it was nothing. How many years did you competitively Highland dance?
Starting point is 00:03:51 Three to 18. Three from age? My mother was a teacher. Whoa, I think we talked about this last time. I think we did. I actually think we did. Yeah. This is not ringing any bells for me.
Starting point is 00:04:02 Yeah, you have zero memory of anything we've ever spoken about. I think we did. I think that's true. We did talk about it. Yeah. But I'm not, I don't care. Like, you don't have a competitive spirit, but as soon as you got into comedy, then it kicked in.
Starting point is 00:04:15 Yeah, I don't know why. Did you, your mom was a teacher. Still is. Yeah. But so, like, it's not like you had shown that you were really into it. Oh, no promise. No, no, I was garbage. Still is. It's not like you had shown that you were really into it. Oh, no promise. No, no, I was garbage. But she's like, I'm not going to be the only teacher who has a daughter that doesn't
Starting point is 00:04:32 dance. You're going to be out there doing it. We have a two-year-old and she just likes to jump and run around and climb on things, so we put her in gymnastics, which isn't really gymnastic. It's jumping into a... But you're going to force her to be a podcaster.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does she have good arches on her feet? That sounds very creepy. Going up there to wake your child up? No, her feet are... They're blobs. They're just blobs?
Starting point is 00:04:58 Yeah. She's not going to be a dancer. I was going to say maybe she should get into highland dancing. I mean, I have beautiful dancer's legs. Yeah, that's true. Everybody says so. But, it's too soon to tell
Starting point is 00:05:08 if she's got, what are your arches? They're not good. No? What about your arch? If your foot has like a pretty big arch, that means you can
Starting point is 00:05:15 point your toe pretty well. So that's a nice feat for a dancer. Oh yeah, no, I don't have that. For that kind of dancing? Yeah,
Starting point is 00:05:19 especially highland because it's all pointing and it's all up on like your half point stuff the whole time. I don't think we would sign her up for that because I would hate it and it's all up on like your half white stuff the whole time I don't think we would sign her up for that cause uh
Starting point is 00:05:26 I would hate it it's actually like it's it's pretty good for kids like it keeps them very fit like I was a very fit child yeah that sounds creepy
Starting point is 00:05:34 as a very fit kid you want your kid to be fit I mean I guess so yeah I guess so yeah it's better than the alternative yeah I guess um
Starting point is 00:05:42 she mostly just likes to go on YouTube and look at videos of Highland dancing. Well, then she can learn that one. That's fine. Oh, her dumb, stupid arches. She's a Michael Flatley fan, right?
Starting point is 00:05:55 Like, she always, from the very beginning, she would go to sleep watching Michael Flatley. Can I watch a little of the day? She can already spell Michael Flatley into YouTube. Hi, it's a little guy. Ticka-ticka-ting-dong-do. What was that? Was that the music for it? What's the music you dance to?
Starting point is 00:06:14 Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I ask you something? Yes. Is this new? The septum piercing? Oh, maybe. I got really bored in Ottawa.
Starting point is 00:06:23 I was there for 10 days. Did you do it yourself? I should have. I was there for 10 days. Did you do it yourself? I should have. I was there for 10 days and I literally walked by a tattoo shop. I was honestly that bored. I just walked in. I was like,
Starting point is 00:06:31 do you guys do this piercing? They're like, yeah. I'm like, all right, they're going to do it now. I'm like, hmm. Yeah, sure. Have you ever been in Ottawa for 10 days? No.
Starting point is 00:06:38 I've been to Ottawa for four or five, but I never, never got to the piercing. Well, I got. You might. You hit day eight, nine. Day eight and you're like, I got to the piercing well I you might you hit day eight nine day eight and you're like
Starting point is 00:06:46 I gotta get one of them Prince Elvers everybody's talking everybody's talking about everyone's well on the chat rooms I go on
Starting point is 00:06:53 yeah yeah yeah it's all Prince Elvers is that the tip yeah the dick just the tip what do you mean like through the pee hole
Starting point is 00:06:59 through the pee hole and then around the around the outside around the outside that's how I learned to tie my shoelaces that's a song through the pee hole and then around the outside. That's how I learned to tie my shoelaces. That's a good song. Through the pee hole, under the woods.
Starting point is 00:07:10 Two bunny holes and then tie it tight. Wait, I thought it goes up. You're asking us as though we know. I feel like Graham actually does know. I know we all know somebody that has one, Pete Johansson. He got one done. So he described it to me in graphic detail how it's done while you were walking away. I would have to ask him to see this.
Starting point is 00:07:33 To see it. I want to see it. Because it's a ring, so it goes in through the pee hole and then out through the bottom half of the penis. Do you think Lord of the Rings would have been as good if it was about a penis piercing? Would it have been as good? It's just... I mean, sure.
Starting point is 00:07:54 Oh, I just thought of Lord of the Dance. I pictured Michael Flatley with a pierced dick just dancing. And you could see, well, he wore very tight... I love the Lord of the Dance. He wears very tight pants. You'd be able to see it
Starting point is 00:08:05 from many rows back. Did this hurt? It hurt a lot, yeah. But I've had my other like side nose and I did my lip before. So this is temporary. I'm cool.
Starting point is 00:08:15 Oh yeah, this also, I tuck it up all the time. Forget it's there. I don't know why I have it. I'm too old for it. I really should take it out. This is a bit embarrassing.
Starting point is 00:08:23 No, it's fine. It's cool. You're a cool person. You're a cool lady. Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. So, and the last time you were here, you were just packing up your things to head down to
Starting point is 00:08:36 Los Angeles. Yeah. It ended up being a lot, pushed back a lot because something happened with my papers. Oh, okay. Yeah. I was going to end up going right for Christmas. I'm not going to miss Christmas for no reason. Just go.
Starting point is 00:08:51 Oh, you got to go. Christmas in Los Angeles is so beautiful. Christmas pilot season. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, you go down there. It's the Christmas palm tree. We're going to go to the pool.
Starting point is 00:09:02 Yeah, you're going to the pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so how long have you been down there? I've been there, I got there January 4th. Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:11 New year, new you, new city. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Martin Luther King day.
Starting point is 00:09:15 Yeah, new peers. Let's go through all the holidays. Martin Luther King is a crazy day down there. Everyone, okay.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Is it like a big, it's a riot. So, is it, is it, you big it's a riot um no it's is it is it you like it down there it's okay yeah i'm starting to like it more it's uh it's a very dirty city like explain it's like it's just it's gross like what like it's just there's garbage everywhere there's like you know the homeless is out of control right they're all the place. And it's just like kind of scary. Like I'm always kind of scared. Where would you want to put them? I mean, like not outside my goddamn house.
Starting point is 00:09:51 Like they're doing construction like two houses down. And then there's this guy just living in this little alcove. I'm like, man, get off this. Because you told me off air that you think that they should be executed. That's what I said. I said, once that wall goes up, we're just huffing them over top of it. Get out of here, the slingshot. Huffing them, I like that.
Starting point is 00:10:11 I find Toronto's a dirty city. Oh, no. I lived in Toronto my whole life. I know. And it's like, this is, no. It's like, Hollywood Boulevard's disgusting. I guess I mean Toronto, dirt sticks to you. Like you go out on a hot day in Toronto and you come back dirt.
Starting point is 00:10:28 Yeah, that's fair. That's very fair. Thank you. And especially being out here, like this is so lush and beautiful in BC. But you're right, like is it Hollywood Boulevard is the one with all the stars on it? Oh, yeah. That thing is gross. By the end of the day, they got to hose down the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:10:44 It's insane. It's just lunatics. Some end of the day, they got to hose down the whole thing. It's insane. It's just lunatics. Some guy from the Jimmy Kimmel show is asking you joke questions. Asking you if you've heard of a band that doesn't exist. People forcing CDs on you. And then the guy's all dressed up in those things. Like, it's just, it's out of control. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:58 Because it's way past just like an actual nice costume. It's just like a guy in tinfoil. Being like, I'm an alien from this movie. You're like, what the fuck are you talking about? I would probably get my picture taken with that person. The worst costume is what I would seek out to have my picture taken. There's so many.
Starting point is 00:11:13 Have you done it? No, they're gross. They're like overweight people wearing like Spider-Man outfits that don't cover their gut. That's a good one. That's from Spider-Man. Loose dick. There's just like the dick to loose dick. Prince Albert piercing-Man loose dick. Like there's just like the dicks and loose dick.
Starting point is 00:11:25 Prince Albert piercing. Prince Albert. There's a lot going on. Oh, so you can tell they're not wearing underwear? Oh, yes. I guess they would. They wouldn't want the line.
Starting point is 00:11:33 Yeah. They should wear a thong. Yeah. They're going to be a good Spider-Man. Do you think superheroes wear thongs? They must, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:41 You never see any lines. Although some of them wear the underwear on the outside. Yeah. Or, yeah, maybe some Although some of them wear the underwear on the outside. Yeah. Or maybe some of the superheroes. I would say Batman probably doesn't wear underwear at all. Well, no.
Starting point is 00:11:53 He's rich. He probably wears rich guy underwear. Does he have hard underwear? Doesn't he have a casing? Oh, yeah. He probably wears a cup. Oh, sure. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:02 Inside. Yeah, because he's like the most human of cup. Yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah. Inside. That's for sure. Yeah, because he's like the most human of them. Yes. Who would be somebody? I think wear a thong. Spider-Man would have to wear a thong. That's a very tight butt.
Starting point is 00:12:14 Very. Yeah, yeah. Very tight red butt he's got back there. Oh, you know who probably doesn't wear any underwear? Wolverine. Oh. He's all hanging out everywhere. Yeah, he's very commandant. He seems like a naturalist.
Starting point is 00:12:23 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Aquaman wears a bathing suit under there. Yep. As underwear. All the other superheroes laugh at him. Wait, are you wearing a bathing suit as underwear? In my world, it's just regular underwear. It's been a while since I've worn a bathing suit as underwear, but I don't rule it out.
Starting point is 00:12:43 Was it something that you you it's like you're all out of underwear yeah oh and you're like this is this will get the job so crinkly yeah and also strings you got strings dangling everywhere and some of your bathing suits i'm assuming you have a closet yeah absolutely i already have underwear on the inside. I wish I could just cut that out and just wear those. Yeah, that must be really uncomfortable. What? That mesh thing. I mean, the whole men's bathing suit situation is not good. Because either you're wearing basically half pants,
Starting point is 00:13:21 or you're wearing something that's showing too much leg, too much man leg. So it's, I don't know. It's a difficult thing. Yeah. We haven't mastered swimsuits. There's that meshing, meshy web.
Starting point is 00:13:30 Yeah. Like what your chairs are made of. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, totally. Oh, you've cut it out and made your own chairs of all your bathing suits. And,
Starting point is 00:13:37 Sometimes they have pockets. But then there's the option, the ones that don't have it. And I, that feels like, ooh. It must feel nice though because i find skinny dipping like the greatest feeling in the world i've never done it you've never
Starting point is 00:13:50 seen it in your life no oh my i don't have friends so you can't do it alone yes you can you definitely can do it alone do you i've never done it alone i think you could like at a lake are we talking about like not the ocean Creeps me out The undercurrent's Going to get inside you I don't know What's going on out there The undercurrent's Going to get inside
Starting point is 00:14:09 I just feel like I don't know What's happening out there She's been so different Since you've been Walking around With a bit of undercurrent Yes
Starting point is 00:14:16 Like it stays with you For days It just doesn't leave The riptide Pulling your Now the first time You went skinny dipping Was it like a dare thing?
Starting point is 00:14:25 It was a bunch of... My girlfriend's at the cottage. Was it to raise money to keep kids off drugs? Yes, yes. It was just at the cottage, and we just kind of got drunk, and then we just took them off, and we're like, eww! And then you're like, oh my god. I'm also usually mushrooms when I do it, and it feels really good in the water.
Starting point is 00:14:41 Okay. Just nude, just floating around. Swimming and doing drugs and swimming is dangerous. Seems dangerous, no? Yeah, I know. Doing drugs and accepting a comedy award
Starting point is 00:14:51 seems dangerous. I do. I think I have a problem. I was skinny dipping. Colin Mockery was there. Yeah, I don't know why he was even invited. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:01 But you know what? He saw everybody else doing it and he's an improviser and he said, yes, he was accepting a lifetime achievement, skinny dipping award. Most skinny dips in one lifetime. I would believe that for him.
Starting point is 00:15:15 I've done it before. I don't notice a ton of difference. The lake, a lake. Yeah. So mucky. Yeah. That's,
Starting point is 00:15:22 but, but you know, there's not, although, you know, the thought of a of like a trout coming at me. Oh, yeah. I've always figured a fish is going to swim in. I'm afraid it's going to see the dangler.
Starting point is 00:15:33 Oh, sure. The dangler. Your bait. Just come, give the old Prince Albert the tip, huh? Well, you have a little feather hanging off. You got a feather. A little fly. Put a worm in the tip
Starting point is 00:15:45 Put like a little wiggler On there That's so gross Oh my god Hey ladies A river runs through us Cause you grew up in Ontario So that's like
Starting point is 00:15:59 Was that you would go Up to the cottage Yeah my parents have A cottage up there Oh And it's very nice And the water was not very murky, and it was like, you know, five feet, six feet off the dock, so we kind of knew the area.
Starting point is 00:16:09 So was that every summer, like it was a given, we're going to the cottage? Yeah. Okay. They're pretty much up there the whole summer. And that was it? Like you would go and you- Well, they would go and I'd stay home and throw parties, because I worked at a wading pool, and they left me alone.
Starting point is 00:16:24 They left me home alone. You said everybody in the waiting pool is invited. Waiting pool, like for kids? Yeah. As a lifeguard? Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah, whatever.
Starting point is 00:16:36 I actually did save one kid once. Whoa, what happened? She's like, this two-year-old was unattended. And I was like, I was like talking to somebody. I look over, what the fuck? And the kid just was like, head down. Just like, I just picked him up. it wasn't like mouth to mouth or anything yeah but then the mom tried to get me like fired and I was like you're there's like a rule in
Starting point is 00:16:52 Toronto I guess everywhere if you're not within arm's reach you've gone too far or whatever that's the saying but this kid right with kids yeah with kids under five you you legally have to be within arm's reach and this mother was like at the back of the park smoking a cigarette. Like she's like a young mom and then made a big scene. Pretty cool mom. Yeah, really cool mom. And the kid's going to learn his way on his own. So every summer your parents would go away and your house became party central?
Starting point is 00:17:19 Oh yeah. Big time. Big time. Oh yeah. Would they go for weeks at a time? Oh yeah. I would be left alone. I think the first summer that I was 15. Wow. Big time. Oh, yeah. Would they go for weeks at a time? Oh, yeah. I would be left alone. I think the first summer left me, I was 15.
Starting point is 00:17:28 Wow. My friends would just come stay over with me, and then we'd just like, oh. So it was a given that like, okay, summer started, Steph's house is ground zero for parties. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. We used to do dial-a-bottles. Do you guys have dial-a-bottle here?
Starting point is 00:17:41 I don't think so. I think I've heard of it. It's like, usually underagers do it when they can't get out. So the first time we did it, I dressed up like my mom. I put on all her clothes. And I used her passport. Like, obviously, 15 going on 47. I'm like, excuse me.
Starting point is 00:17:57 And then I'm like, I can't drive myself to the liquor store. I remember holding keys when he came down to the door, too. Like, that was going to make me look older. Wait, wait, no, no. What is it? For people like us who don't know what dial-a-bottle is. So you just call this number. They ask you for your passport. No, they just tell you.
Starting point is 00:18:12 They ask you if you have ID. You lie and say yes. Right. And they ask your address. And then you order. So we'd order like, think of Fireball. Think of Peach and Hops. Like $1.15.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Four revs. It costs like $100. It would be so overpriced oh yeah oh and they they jack up the price yeah jack up the price there's a delivery fee of like 20 bucks or something and
Starting point is 00:18:32 then uh they'd be like what door and i'd be like oh side door so they'd come to the side door and the first time i was like walked out in heels and this like over the top outfit
Starting point is 00:18:40 lipstick all over my face and i like i showed the passport and the guy's like okay just give me a thing but then then we kept calling them so much every time I'd call
Starting point is 00:18:47 they'd be like side door right I'm like yeah side door like they just knew our fucking house well it'd be better if we have crazy makeup on
Starting point is 00:18:53 and we're not giving it to you I don't know why I thought that worked what would be the male equivalent just putting on your dad's sport coat yeah put it
Starting point is 00:19:03 fake mustache yeah taking part of the broom putting it on your dad's sport coat and a fake mustache. Yeah. Taking part of the broom, putting it on your neck. Oh! Thank you so much. I'm inviting a bunch of 15-year-olds over to drink. Well,
Starting point is 00:19:17 I just got off my job at the waiting pool. I saved a kid's life. Nearly got fired anyways. But yeah, there was a couple of kids in, uh, when I was growing up that had kind of parents that would go away,
Starting point is 00:19:33 not to the cottage, but they would go away for weekends at a time. And their house was like the, like party zone. Yeah. Party zone. But they did a thing. Did you do this where you put all the kind of breakables like away?
Starting point is 00:19:46 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, my parents' house is like, it's pretty nice and they're like very anal with things. Right. So I would like, it would be crazy. Put all the Benoit balls away. Yeah. I'd put it all in their room and lock their door.
Starting point is 00:19:59 Like take my dad's stereo, like all the CDs. Like I'd lug every little, my mom had trinkets everywhere. Wow. Remember, like an angel broke one time the wing and I spent like three days gluing the wing back on and painting out. Never noticed. Really? The only way I got caught,
Starting point is 00:20:13 I think like 10 years, my parents took the carpets up and got harder flooring. And the guy's like, like looked at the bottom of the carpet, he's like, ooh. Must have had a lot of parties here. My parents are like,
Starting point is 00:20:22 no, he never had parties. And the guy like turns over the rug and they're like, what the I must have had a lot of parties here. My parents are like, no, he never had parties. And the guy like, turns over the rug and they're like, what the fuck is that? Just stains. Because like, we had a dog, so my dad had all these like,
Starting point is 00:20:31 shout and dog stain things. So the second there'd be one stain, I'd be like on my hands and knees like, the cleaning was way more than parties. I don't know why I did it. It wasn't really worth it. But it seems smart
Starting point is 00:20:40 because I like, you know, kids will have their parents go away for one night and they'll try to throw a party really quick. Oh, man. Those kids were down. That would make no sense. But your parents being away for weeks, you can just sustain a lower level of party that never gets out of control.
Starting point is 00:20:56 But do you think... Did you ever have to throw someone out of your house because you were like, I have to go to my job. We had a crazy... The cops came one night. We had a crazy fight one job. We had a crazy, the cops came one night. We had a crazy fight one night where the neighbors came over, the cops came. Like,
Starting point is 00:21:10 my sister was there. I think, yeah, she was, she was younger than me and she's, I like locked her in my parents' hotel. She's still younger than me.
Starting point is 00:21:16 She's my bit. Um, she keeps catching up. Uh, but I remember like looking at my, like my parents' bedroom window and my friends just like beating the fuck, these girls try to get in and they,
Starting point is 00:21:26 they came in the back of there from like a rival school. Like they got invited to get out. And then they snuck in the back door. I'm like, we just said, you're not invited to get out. And then this huge fight broke out. Like,
Starting point is 00:21:35 Oh, it's bad. I just remember looking out and seeing one girl, like grab the girl's face and slam into the curb. I'm like, Oh no, this is getting really bad. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:41 Yeah. You're like, do it down the street. Get out of my cul-de-sac that can you imagine going to a party where you like i feel like i'm not wanted at any party i go to already but without people literally saying no you can't come in here i literally don't want you to come in and then being like you know what uh look? Look at all the people who are great who never gave up. Like Donna. Yeah, Michael Jordan.
Starting point is 00:22:08 Napoleon. The, yeah, like the, so like you would have parties all summer. That was the thing. So somebody probably lost their virginity at one of these parties. No, it was very strict. I was like a drill sergeant. No one was allowed upstairs.. I was like, I was like a drill sergeant. No one was allowed upstairs. So no,
Starting point is 00:22:27 that was like, I blocked it off. Yeah, but was anyone allowed down today? If you saw the basement, my parents would kill me if they heard this.
Starting point is 00:22:34 It's like a dungeon. Like my parents, that was very nice. The basement is like, there's probably been murders down there. It's terrifying. It's like way worse
Starting point is 00:22:40 than the home alone basement. Way worse. It's like, I swear to God. The scary furnace? It's like that. It's like all scary furnace the home alone basement. Way worse. It's like, I swear to God. With the scary furnace? It's like that. Right. It's like all scary furnace.
Starting point is 00:22:48 Somebody did it down there. Yeah. Oh, probably. Yeah. Disgusting. Oh, put it in my furnace. Oh, Dave. What?
Starting point is 00:22:55 Dave, you have a child sleeping upstairs. We're having fun. Yeah, we're having fun. So you're down in Los Angeles, but you've been on the road for a whole, like almost a month. I've been on the road for almost a month. Yeah. It'll be a month and a half by the time I get fully home.
Starting point is 00:23:10 And you've, have you been like crash, crashing on couches and doing that style of road travel? I kind of messed up. I see my friend, Brian Cook, who's an improviser here. I've been staying with him and his fiance and his fiance's friend on the pullout couch, but I'm like, that's a lot of people's a lot of people on a pullout couch. It's a small couch. We sleep well together. But now I'm with my friend Katie, who has a whole separate bedroom, who I should have just stayed there the whole time.
Starting point is 00:23:33 Right. Kind of fucked up. But yeah, I've been couching and not sleeping. I was in Nelson. Have you guys been to Nelson, BC before? Yeah. Yeah, I went to Nelson for four nights to see cousins that I haven't seen since I was like 12 years old. How was that?
Starting point is 00:23:45 That was amazing. Like, it was good? Oh, it was so, it was really crazy. Like, it was really nice. It's weird because they moved out to Nelson I think when they were
Starting point is 00:23:53 like three years old and never came back. And they're all like my age. It was like, I think one's 20. There's like two girls that I don't really know how old they are.
Starting point is 00:24:00 And then there's three older boys like 18, or 19, 31, and I don't know. It's crazy. They're close to my age, but it was- What's, 18 or 1931. And I don't know, it's crazy. They're close to my age, but I don't know.
Starting point is 00:24:10 The girl's 19. All the guys are like, they're older. I don't know. And they, like, I saw pictures on Facebook of you with a kid. Yeah. They all kids.
Starting point is 00:24:17 And they're very cute and sweet. And I'm just not used to being around children. It was a lot though. Was this, is this your first, like, does your, do any of your siblings have kids? No
Starting point is 00:24:27 No So this was your first like Venture as an auntie Yes Or auntie Because none of the Toronto family has kids None of us None of the cousins over there
Starting point is 00:24:36 And all of them No one ever had sex in that house No yeah That's why Because they knew the furnace would get them It was a lot Because I stayed in a little trailer Which is awesome I had my own little trailer outside Oh cool But the kids thought It was a lot because I stayed in a little trailer, which is awesome.
Starting point is 00:24:45 I had my own little trailer outside. Oh, cool. But the kids thought it was a really funny game to wake me up every morning at seven in the morning. And they'd come and they'd pick the lock. And I'm like, okay, well, this is a fun little thing. They're kind of bad, but super cute. And would they jump on the bed and wake you up?
Starting point is 00:24:58 Yeah, they'd come right in, roll around, and then they'd just climb all over you. And I'm like, this is then my other cousin has two twin boys that are two. And they were just like, it was a lot. Rolling around naked and I'm like, this is then, my other cousin has two twin boys that are two and they were just like, it was a lot. Roaming around naked. I'm like, what is going on?
Starting point is 00:25:09 Like Nelson's very free spirited. It is very free spirited. Yeah. Two year olds love being naked. I didn't realize that. Yeah. And I think I mentioned
Starting point is 00:25:17 your show last night. You love being naked. You're a big skinny dip guy. Yeah. In the water. No one can see me in the dark. I don't want to roam around with lighting.
Starting point is 00:25:23 Oh, skinny dipping at night. Night. Yeah, you got to do it at night. Oh, I didn't mention that. Yes. But how my, their children are in like, I was calling it like a wizard school
Starting point is 00:25:33 where it's like ages two to 10. It's an open classroom, which is one class. They just roam around. They don't, there's no homework. There's no tests. There's no like,
Starting point is 00:25:43 they learn the alphabet if they want to learn the alphabet. Like, it's just like, I'm like, what do you guys do here? So I went to pick the one girl up and there's like, they're all sitting in a circle and like, come join and sing along. I'm like, I don't know. It's an improvised song. I'm like, I'm going to wait in the hallway right now. Like, I don't want to be here right now.
Starting point is 00:25:59 It's crazy. No tests. And then like they have the schooling is they do activities at home. Like it's very hippy dippy. Yeah. Yeah. It's a hippy dippy town. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:26:08 I was like, I don't know how they learn. I don't understand. I mean, I don't, I think I went to regular school. I would say I didn't learn anything there either. Well,
Starting point is 00:26:17 yeah. Like really for the amount of schooling I've done, boy, I don't think I learned. I mean, what did I learn? Yeah. Socially, I think i learned i mean what did i learn yeah socially i think i learned yeah but i don't think i you know if i if i had to take a test that uh you know somebody in grade 12 was taking i don't think i yeah i wonder how i would do if i took my provincial
Starting point is 00:26:41 exams again oh probably on the essay questions i'd do great yeah that's true essay questions you probably and i hated that stuff back then like yeah i felt like you could bluster a lot on the essay question i was already pretty good at it just i think no one else picked up not no one else but there were a lot of kids who never got, you know, let's put it into paragraphs. Oh, yeah. Let's start with the beginning and end with a conclusion. And that conclusion better start with inconclusion. Yeah. I think I also, you know, therefore, when I learned that word.
Starting point is 00:27:17 Therefore was the second paragraph of every, like. Therefore. Therefore. Yeah. Furthermore. Yeah, furthermore was the next sentence. Moreover. Yeah. Furthermore. Yeah, furthermore was an R. Therefore and then furthermore was an X. Moreover?
Starting point is 00:27:27 Yeah. However. When I found moreover, I went nuts with moreover. Went to town with moreover. Did you go to university after school? I went to Humber College for the. Oh, for comedy? Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:27:41 Did you go to class with anybody else that is now also a comedian? Yep. Alison Hogg, Brian Cook, who's out here, Sarah Hillier, who's in the city. Who else did you, Alex Tindall? Oh, yes. He's doing very well. And like, do they point to you and say, hey, the Canadian Comedy Award winner came to our school? I literally just got on the phone with Alison three days ago when I couldn't talk to her.
Starting point is 00:28:04 Humber now, they have this thing, alumni program, where they're really following up well three days ago when I couldn't talk to her Humber now they have this thing alumni program where they're like really like following up with alumni I hope they don't listen to this and uh they're like asking me these questions they're trying to like
Starting point is 00:28:12 you know you're doing all these good things can we talk this guy did an interview with me yesterday and I was like they hated me at Humber like they did not like me like I before we had two final sketch shows
Starting point is 00:28:21 and I was never cast in them and like I got into stand-up because I that's the only thing I got into. They picked eight stand-ups at Showcase and I got that. They had to cast me in sketches because no one cast me in anything. So you were like,
Starting point is 00:28:33 more pepper, sir. Yeah, they literally hated me. None of the teachers supported me. Some did, but then I wasn't a favorite or anything. And now all of a sudden, they're up my butt about all these things. They're like, so what did you learn at Humber? To be honest, the main thing was meeting Allison were like like I wasn't a favorite or anything and now all of a sudden they're up my butt about all these things like
Starting point is 00:28:45 so what did you learn at Humber I'm like to be honest like the main thing was meeting like Allison and like you know
Starting point is 00:28:50 like Sarah and Lauren Cochran who was also in our improv team I met great people there like that was a good connection but like class wise I'm like
Starting point is 00:28:58 and so the guy's like so but what did you learn at Humber I'm like that's it I told you five times the people like that's
Starting point is 00:29:03 it's hard for people to like. They were sitting around in a circle. They were singing an improvised song. Yeah, it was great. It was great. We took home a bag
Starting point is 00:29:09 of fucking crayons and just ate them as homework. What colors do these make? I never learned anything. I think he wanted you to say something specific because people are free.
Starting point is 00:29:23 Like they can't charge you to meet people. Yeah, I don't know don't know yeah that's true like you could just started doing stand-up of them at people that's the thing like i find comedy is hard to the class the classes were fine but i feel like i would have you know done as well if i just did shows right that's where you get the experience of like doing stage time and i don't know writing some of the writing classes were good because it gave you like a deadline to write stuff but it is weird like they will uh because i went to film school and their big claim to fame was that kevin smith went there but he dropped out so yeah and they're still like up yeah yeah and they're like but he went here and i'm like yeah i mean would
Starting point is 00:29:58 you but he dropped out though is that good my friend like well on you al they kicked him out and uh because he was like whatever doing his, like, Al, they kicked him out. And, uh, because he was, like, whatever, doing his own costume, his own thing. But kicked him out. He's a blue man now. He's in the blue man group. He's been touring with the blue man group for, since he got kicked out of Humber. What? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:13 And it's like. How did that happen? Because he just had the exact look, and he's a drummer, and he's like. He was already blue. He's been blue. He's very sick. He's not well. He was in Eiffel 65.
Starting point is 00:30:24 He's been sick for a long time. Yeah. He was been blue. He's very sick. He's not well. He was in Eiffel 65. He's been sick for a long time. Yeah. He was just, he had the right look. Bald, blue, turtleneck. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:30:34 he's, Alex Kelly. Like a bald blue Steve Jobs. And he still does it? Still does it, yeah. He's currently living in Boston doing it. Wow.
Starting point is 00:30:42 Yeah, he's gone all over the world. And I'm like, you guys are kicking up the wrong people here. So, like, the original guys, they don't do it anymore. They do, yeah. Really? Yeah, they still do it.
Starting point is 00:30:51 Wow. And now they have people like Al kind of co, like, they are pitching new ideas. And he, like, writes some of the stuff for them, too, which is awesome. Yeah. And then they just. Cool job. Weird job, though. Yeah, like, I've never seen it.
Starting point is 00:31:02 I've seen clips of it in things, but I don't know what it is. It's really cool. Have you seen it? I've seen it. We went to see him in Germany. And it's like, like it's a drumming? No,
Starting point is 00:31:11 it's Highland dancing. Oh yeah, it's Highland. They wear kilts, yeah. They're blue. You can see their blue knees. It's very,
Starting point is 00:31:18 it's very interesting. It's very entertaining. Yeah? Yeah. Would you ever? Do that? Do they let women in? Or is it only blue men group? Yeah. Break that blue? Do that? Do they let women in? Or is it only blue men group?
Starting point is 00:31:26 Yeah. Break that blue blood cell. I'm with her. I'll do it. Lock her up. It's also very, like exactly what you look like. Like you all have to,
Starting point is 00:31:36 because you look very similar, right? Yeah. Like the exact same height, the same body type. Oh, right. Like they have to be. They have to be literally,
Starting point is 00:31:42 they're all the same height. And they're very, like thinner, taller men. Maybe you couldn't. I could be a blue man? I think you could be a blue man. You shaved your head. Yeah, you could.
Starting point is 00:31:52 Okay. I will. You put a bald cap on anyways. Okay. Bye family. See you never. I'm going to Boston. Oh, bald cap.
Starting point is 00:32:01 I don't know about a bald cap. They never match my skin tone. Well, it's blue. Well. It's never convincing, though. You can always see a little bit of my hair through it. Yeah, that's true. I think they'd probably, they'd have a nice one.
Starting point is 00:32:16 Like, they'd have one of the pro ones. Not one of those. Yeah, not a plastic one. Yeah, the ones you get for Halloween that disintegrate. Sometimes, and then they're like. Oh, peel. Yeah, they're not. I don't know what. Sometimes, and then they're like... Oh, peel. Yeah, they're not... I don't know what color of skin that is, those bald head things.
Starting point is 00:32:29 It's like peach. The ear flaps kind of... Or like the sideburns flop around. Yeah, the skin sideburns. Why are these even here? Well, to cover your hair sideburns. Because you're not going to be... That's not a good look.
Starting point is 00:32:42 Completely bald with sideburns. Just like to your earlobes that is kind of a weird look bald with just sideburns i think the guy maybe the guy from aqua had that look oh yeah didn't he have also that just a little square a little soul patch but that was it was a different time everybody had the soul patch none of the friends ever did though now they think of it i was oh man did you a soul patch no but i was watching friends the other day and ross's hair is out of control in every every season it's a different mistake his hair was a no like it i thought the whole like i was
Starting point is 00:33:17 watching it on mute yeah and i thought oh the only way to watch friends and I was doing something else and I was like oh this scene must be about his hair about how crazy his hair looked it wasn't I don't remember
Starting point is 00:33:31 I remember that he had like a short you know like the Caesar cut yeah kind of oh is it really gelled yeah
Starting point is 00:33:38 yeah and then he had like a really gelled and then he had a gel like sort of slicked back big slicked back like voluminous yeah he had like a really big kindicked back, like, voluminous. Yeah, he had, like, a really big, kind of like. And then just voluminous.
Starting point is 00:33:49 It was kind of like his hair in the OJ thing. It was similar, like, up and crazy. Oh, to have that kind of thick hair. That's true. Oh, boy. You could do that. Just tease yours. No, no.
Starting point is 00:34:00 This is thin. This is baby elephant hair I've got. Yeah, it's just very, you know. Never touched a baby elephant. I would have no idea. Oh, you got to. Hey, my first bit, speaking of baby elephant, that I ever did on stage, so bad.
Starting point is 00:34:13 The baby elephant walk song was on my Fido phone. The bomb. Yeah. And I thought I had this funny dance I would do, so I'd play it and do it on stage to silence. Just like my first five sets. No, not silence. You had the song.
Starting point is 00:34:28 The song, but just my family watching the, this is what my child decided. Maybe that's why people at Humber didn't like me. Actually, now that I look back, maybe I was just really bad. No wonder no one supported me then. It was garbage. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:34:41 I never invited my family to any show ever, but oh, the idea of him coming to my first show oh yeah and then lying and saying it was good i was like it was bad and they were like we want our phyto phone but i feel it sucks that i like i would invite so many friends out i'm sure everyone does when you first start and you're shit and then your friends stop coming because they're like oh i don't want to watch this fucking trash anymore. I never invited friends. I did it very much in secret the first while. Really? Yeah, there was, because I just, yeah, I thought if I stink, I don't want.
Starting point is 00:35:11 Ditto. Yeah, I don't want this on record with my friends, Chandler and Joey. And I also want to know that the laughs I'm getting aren't from people who don't want me to feel bad because they're my friends. That's why I always thought that was a bit weird when people would pack a club with their friends because i'm like you could have done that did you do that when i first started oh yeah really like when i first first started yeah and what but like weren't you kind of afraid that the reaction was just because they were there yeah but then they wouldn't laugh at all i was like oh shit not even my friends are supporting me.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Time to go with plan B. Man, you know what really drives me crazy? Remember, was that Shaggy? Yep. Shaggy used that sample. Did he actually? Yeah. In real?
Starting point is 00:35:59 Oh, my God. Was it from Dumb and Dumber? Maybe the Dumb and Dumber soundtrack. Yeah. Good soundtrack. Really good soundtrack. Peter Pumpkinhead. Dead Eye Dick was on there.
Starting point is 00:36:12 And then look at you now. Canadian Comedy Award winner. Living in Los Angeles. You can't use that credit in the States. Canadian Comedy Award? I think I said it once and then I just heard the crowd go,
Starting point is 00:36:25 can he even call the comedy awards? I'm like, I'm not. It should, like, it sounds more legitimate than it is.
Starting point is 00:36:31 It does. But then when people say it now, it almost looks like too much. You over there. I've been looking at them, yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:37 But, in your living situation, you by yourself? No, I had a roommate, Robbie Hoffman, another female comedian. Robbie's not a girl's name. But, but, but, but by yourself? No, I had a roommate, Robbie Hoffman, another female comedian. Robbie's not a girl's name.
Starting point is 00:36:48 She's gay, I'm telling her. I don't know why that matters. And now Amanda McParran. Oh. Yeah, I'm going back to Toronto next week, and me and her are driving across the United States of America. Yeah, my parents are giving me Slash. I have to pay them at some point for their Honda CRV.
Starting point is 00:37:09 Wow. Yeah, we're doing a little road trip across the states. That's a quality automobile. It's a nice car. It's a very nice vehicle. I'm going to stuff it with her shit and whatever stuff. I want to bring my records and stuff. So you've been living in LA carless?
Starting point is 00:37:21 Oh, yeah. Whoa. Oh, yeah. I've been biking. Oh, wow. I cycle. And you know what? The transit in LA is pretty good. It's terrifying.. Oh yeah. Whoa. Oh yeah. I've been biking. Oh wow. I cycle. And you know what? The transit in LA
Starting point is 00:37:26 is pretty good. It's terrifying. Yeah. Yeah. I heard about this one bus that could not go less than 50 miles an hour.
Starting point is 00:37:35 Otherwise, kablooey. Oh, okay. I just saw Speed actually for the first time. What? Literally at the,
Starting point is 00:37:41 at an outside, uh, in the Hollywood Cemetery, they play like movies on the weekends. That's respectful. Turns into a big... Speed only.
Starting point is 00:37:51 That's the only movie they play. Jesus, so you ride your bike everywhere. I was, yeah. It's not that bad. I'm very central. Okay. It's called Little Armenia. It's East Hollywood. It's between silver lake and echo park and stuff so for show wise the farthest
Starting point is 00:38:09 bike ride i would do would be 45 minutes to like the comedy store but then i just stopped going there so i would just just go to improv it's only 20 minutes the improv right oh wow yeah so and then trip across america where are you gonna go uh we're doing chicago kansas city denver vegas just for us because amanda's never been so i want to get her wait crazy the whole trip is just for you well yeah we're doing shows everywhere but vegas oh you're doing shows yeah we're doing shows in all the cities yeah and then las vegas you're gonna go crazy oh yeah of course where are you staying i don't know yeah we're trying to look for a cheap hotel no no stay at the Stay at the best hotel. Oh, no. Airbnb. Vegas Airbnb is the way to go.
Starting point is 00:38:48 I wonder what the situation is on the strip. I actually want to look now. Airbnb-wise? On the strip. Oh, yeah. You could probably still stay at the Tam O'Shanter. They've probably listed a couple of rooms on the Airbnb. Anything to get people in the door.
Starting point is 00:39:01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah, there's some like not. Well, the issue is we're not going to be in the hotel. Excuse me. Where are you going to be? Yeah. You know, you're staying in the hotel.
Starting point is 00:39:12 As soon as we get there, I want to take her through all the other hotels and just get her hammered. Yeah. I've been to Vegas like five times, so I've done it. What's your favorite? Favorite hotel? I like the Flamingo. It's old school. It's right in the middle.
Starting point is 00:39:24 You don't have to walk a year to get anywhere else. You had to walk for a year? It's a very long, long trip. Oh, I'm glad you got this Honda CRV now. Drive from hotel to hotel. Drive through. Coming through. Beep, beep.
Starting point is 00:39:37 Oh, it's going to be exhausting, though. Get out of the way, sex in the city slavagee. Do you gamble? I gamble, yeah. Yeah? what's your game i play poker okay really yeah because i i i you kind of can like i try to teach my sister too i'm like so when i we were there we got kind of drunk and i just try to play i wore a pretty revealing shirt and then i try to act like i don't know and then i kind of like acted like i know how to play right and then i had like three kings at one point so i just i wait till i get a lot of money that i like I don't. That's one of those days, what I do. I kind of acted like I didn't know how to play, and then I had three kings at one point, so I wait until I get a lot of money that I leave. I don't have that thing where I'm like,
Starting point is 00:40:10 got to keep going, so I won like 600 bucks. I'm like, goodbye. The whole table's like, what the fuck? I just took it and left. But you could have won 700. I only put down 60 bucks. Do you ever do the slot machines? When's the last time?
Starting point is 00:40:24 Because I'm always curious what the newest ones, like the newest properties that have, like Sex and the City or Minions. Is there a Minions machine? Oh, there's definitely a new Ghostbusters machine. You can bank on it. I think I did a Game of Thrones one, actually. I was really high on mushrooms.
Starting point is 00:40:39 Actually, again, maybe you have a problem. In Windsor at the casino, which that was a trip. That's Canada's Vegas. I thought. Windsor. Oh,, which that was a trip. That's Canada's Vegas. I thought. Windsor. Oh God, it was fucked up. Yeah, I played that for a couple of minutes, but it's really hard to play slot machines when you're high on mushrooms.
Starting point is 00:40:53 You get really tripped out. I'll tell you that right now. And I thought everybody had no legs. I'm like, I got to get out of here. I couldn't find the door. Colin Mochrie was there under the table. Hello. Dave, what's going on with you, man?
Starting point is 00:41:07 Well, it's that time of year. Oh, yeah. I think I probably talk about this every year when mice start coming inside my house. Oh, gosh. You have a nice summer outside. Yeah. And then it's like their cottage. You have a party while the mice are gone.
Starting point is 00:41:20 And this year in the roof of the house, squirrels were coming in. Oh, boy. They're bad. They're the worst. Well, rats, I think, are the worst the house, squirrels were coming in. Oh, boy. Oh, they're bad. They're the worst. Well, rats, I think, are the worst. I think squirrels are worse. They're more aggressive. Well, yeah, apparently, according to my neighbor who lives up at the top, because we got like a pest. Oh, you got an exterminator.
Starting point is 00:41:40 Yeah. But they don't exterminate. They seal up anywhere, any places that animals could get in on the outside. Right. And they trap them in. No, no. They use a, it's like a one-way door where they found the hole that the squirrels could get out of or get into. Oh, and then it's like a one.
Starting point is 00:41:58 Then they can get out, but they can't go back in. Right. And so, but apparently the squirrel was very aggressively can't go back in. Right. But apparently the squirrel was very aggressively trying to get back in. I left my laptop in there. What is this thing like? Is it like, you know, a picture like this.
Starting point is 00:42:19 When you drive over that thing with the spikes, but you can't drive back? Like as I think, so the squirrels can sort of, it just rips them to shreds when they try to go back in. Very morbid. I don't know what kind of.
Starting point is 00:42:34 I don't know what it looks like exactly, but I imagine it sort of, you know, got some kind of. Like a flap? Yeah, some flap that only moves one way. Okay. Yeah. And then the squirrels. And then there's spikes. So bad. Like, I had it all.
Starting point is 00:42:46 I had it all. My nightmare is that the squirrel is like, all right, I just gave birth to this litter of baby squirrels. I'm just going to go outside and get some nuts. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:42:59 Calling the other squirrels. Do you have my key? And we had a, I saw a mouse in my bathroom uh shaving just his face i was on mushrooms um i'm sorry to say what i saw no but i i abby laughed so hard because i i went into the bathroom one night and i turned on the light and he, he or she came running back out towards me. And I, I, I didn't scream, but it was more of like a, like stepping around it. And we saw, I saw another mouse run just right by our back door while the door was open. Abby saw one up on our counter. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:43:47 And discovered it had been eating tortillas. Like, we went through, like, food that had been. Dipping it into salsa. You're like, okay, well. It's riding on it. And so, yeah. So, I, like, anytime I see one mouse, I assume there are 10. Yeah. Or 100 living in the wild.
Starting point is 00:44:06 Yeah. But one day we caught one on a glue trap. What was the... Well, I had to finish the job. Yep. On the side. I injected it with morphine. Yep.
Starting point is 00:44:24 A lethal dose, so it was happy. Yeah. And, yeah. So are they all... I killed one. Yeah, are they all encountered for? We haven't seen any more. Okay.
Starting point is 00:44:37 I expect there are more. Now, you put the dead one on a spike to let all the other ones know? They... This is going to... The exterminator says that once they close up the outside, any places they can get in, that's when they start to get desperate because they can't go inside and outside anymore to get.
Starting point is 00:44:54 Oh, I see. Okay. So we might see more, but it's been like five days and nothing yet. Just a squirrel frantically trying to get back inside. You could. Well, cats are good. Actually, I don't like cats, but I had a mouse problem in Toronto.
Starting point is 00:45:09 We got cats and it was gone immediately. Or you could use my dad has a homemade trap. What would I use to get rid of the cats? A dog. Yeah. My dad has a homemade trap that he calls the wheel of death. And it's a bucket. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:23 And he makes it on the cottage and it kind of works. It's very insane. I wish I had a wheel of death. And it's a bucket. Yeah. And he makes it at the cottage and it kind of works. It's very insane. I wish I had a photo of it. He puts like a spindle, like a thing that spins. Oh, I've seen this on the internet. And then he puts like a ramp up to it
Starting point is 00:45:35 and puts like peanut butter all around the spindle. And then he puts antifreeze in the bottom. So the mice run up and they get the peanut butter and then they slip in and then they drown. See, but it feels like
Starting point is 00:45:45 it's antifreeze I guess you don't need antifreeze my dad's been drastic with that I think then he goes then he lights the whole thing up
Starting point is 00:45:52 yeah and then we go marshmallows around it we all have s'mores it's a family tradition oh man but then he left it outside by accident
Starting point is 00:46:00 we caught like six chipmunks and we got really upset you caught 16? no like six chipmunks oh I got really upset you got 16 no like six chipmunks oh i cried because i was like they're dead yeah they're our friends they're our allies they're our alvins um so yeah uh the oh and it's the maybe the thing in the world that stresses me out the most. Vermins? Vermin, varmints. Yeah. So lay off me! Wow, Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:46:29 Oh, he's edgy. For God's sakes. Better than cockroaches. Well, do cockroaches do anything bad? I saw one right before I came out here. It was the size of a fucking cat. In your apartment? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:43 Oh, man. I mean, you want to talk about if you see one, that's cockroaches never travel alone there. You got one. You know what? That Hayes, your new roommate say
Starting point is 00:46:53 it's your, this is what you got to do. Get rid of the cockroaches. Amanda. Yeah. She doesn't know about that cockroach. Oh,
Starting point is 00:46:59 you saw one in Los Angeles right before I left. Yeah. Cause I had none the whole time I was there and right like the day before I was leaving, I'm like, fuck off. And he's doing like the, hello, my baby. You actually were.
Starting point is 00:47:09 I swear to God. And I was stoned again. I may be on the right side. I don't know if I'm ever not high. Am I high now? I might be. But I didn't know how to get it, and I had to trap it. And it was a big ordeal.
Starting point is 00:47:18 Because apparently, if you kill them, it does that thing. Have you heard that? More eggs come out or something? Oh! I hate farmers more eggs come out how many eggs normally come out
Starting point is 00:47:36 eggs come out of the butt or something when you kill it and the more but then there's another guy another come along
Starting point is 00:47:43 and fertilize them yeah I don't understand it I just heard that rumor. Spawn all over them? There are the thing with jellyfish, right? Where if you smash a jellyfish, all they do is just basically...
Starting point is 00:47:55 Become ten jellyfish. Yeah. So that maybe is... I don't know. I don't know nothing about car. I know that they can spread to themselves out so they're as thin as a piece of paper. I know that. Oh, I don't know. I don't know nothing about cockroaches. I know that they can spread themselves out so they're as thin as a piece of paper. I know that. Oh.
Starting point is 00:48:08 Oh, God. Yeah, because they're built like layers. They do those flat as a board, light as a feather, close exercises. When they're teenagers. When they're teenage cockroaches. Cockroaches, I'm sure, don't need group therapy. No, no. They exist as a group.
Starting point is 00:48:27 Yeah. Yeah. Although they probably wouldn't do well on those walking on hot coals. Okay, who's next? We set up some hot coals at the cottage in these six chipmunks. Anyway. Graham, what's going on with you? I went away this? Um I went
Starting point is 00:48:45 I went away this weekend I went to Victoria Oh To do We'll be back in Victoria On October 22nd Yeah For a live
Starting point is 00:48:53 Stop podcasting yourself So get there And be there And enjoy And then leave What were you doing there? Doing shows Doing shows
Starting point is 00:49:02 At the Heckler's Comedy Club And uh I get to stay In a hotel While you're there Yep doing shows doing shows at the heckler's comedy club and uh i get to stay in a hotel while you're there yeah and my big thing when i'm in a hotel is i watch just watch tv i do not have tv so watching tv is like i love it like i forget how much fun it is to just turn on tv and whatever's on is on that's what you're're watching. So I'll watch some of a golf and then some of a whatever else.
Starting point is 00:49:29 You usually correct me if I'm wrong you usually stick towards the TLC. I do like the TLC. The A&E. They didn't have the TLC.
Starting point is 00:49:39 Oh. They had A&E. They had Showcase. They had something that was just playing movies so I watched the 2001 Planet of the Apes reboot
Starting point is 00:49:46 Mark Wahlberg Oh boy Yeah great And I watched The Warriors Was just on So I've never seen it I've never seen it either It's pretty good
Starting point is 00:50:01 Have you ever seen it? Do you know about it? It's, you, do you know about it? Yeah, I think so. Warriors going to bring it. Yeah, and there's like, Is that like that?
Starting point is 00:50:10 Yeah, I saw that scene. The guy's got bottles on his fingers? Yep. Those are glasses, but you get the idea. And, yeah,
Starting point is 00:50:20 so like, but when I was watching it, I was like, how come like Netflix or whatever doesn't have just a random option where you just go on and you press random and then whatever comes up that's what you're watching because i think i spend a lot of time like yeah looking and then going yeah i want to see that but not really but if it was just on i'd be like well i guess i'm watching it because i can easily just watch whatever. Or, oh, I want to watch something that's 84 minutes long.
Starting point is 00:50:48 And just like that. Yeah, yeah. You could pick some filters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you just press random and then whatever comes on, that's what you're watching. I like that. Yeah. Not a bad.
Starting point is 00:50:57 Yeah, it's kind of fun. What, Wikipedia has that. Have you ever used it? No. What? Where is it? On the front page. says it has like an article of the day but it also you can just pick a random article.
Starting point is 00:51:09 Oh cool. And then just learn but that's learning. That's reading. I want to have a thing that actually takes intelligence out of my head. Which watching TV I think does right? Subtract intelligence that maybe you previously had?
Starting point is 00:51:24 No. We're in the golden age of TV. It's an art form now. I think it does, right? Subtract intelligence that maybe you previously had? No, no. No. We're in the golden age of TV. Oh, that's right. I keep forgetting. It's an art form now. Oh, yeah, because Kevin James is back on TV. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:32 Oh, boy, that guy can wait. I really actually find Kevin James funny. He is funny. Yeah, he's funny. I'm like, I actually always found him. Oh, they're shitting on him because he's making the exact same show he just stopped making like a year ago. Oh, okay. Yeah. The formula that everyone's making the exact same show he just stopped making like a year ago. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:51:45 Yeah. The formula that everyone was tired of. Well, not everyone, apparently. But they also, I think they took the name of his show, King of Queens, and then they just started calling him the King of Comedy. I was like, nah, that royalty is not transferable. He's the King of Queens. Yeah, he's the King of Queens. He's not the King of Comedy.
Starting point is 00:52:04 Anyway. Who is the King of Comedy? he's the king of queens He's not the king of comedy Anyway Who is the king of comedy? In your eyes In my eyes In your eyes Peter Gabriel Bill Cusper What?
Starting point is 00:52:14 Why are you making that face? I mean Yeah Who's the king of Subway sandwiches? Jared Fogle Oh boy You gotta get a newspaper
Starting point is 00:52:24 Ask me who the king of football is OJ Simpson Who's the king of of Subway Sandwich. Jared Fogle. Oh boy, you gotta get a newspaper. Ask me who the king of football is. OJ Simpson. Who's the king of... I'm trying to think of another bad... baddie. Another baddie?
Starting point is 00:52:38 And then, so you take the ferry to go over to... You take the ferry, you take the bed, you take them both and there you have a trip to Victoria. Yeah, exactly uh they still have the arcades on the ferry on the ferry boats
Starting point is 00:52:51 oh it's video arcades oh yeah and it's uh i don't get who it's for i maybe for the adults it's certainly not for kids because they have an entire arcade at their disposal all the time oh right in their in their pants in their in their pants yeah something to play with 24 hours a day yeah um but yeah it's did you ever stay at a hotel when you were a kid and there was a sign saying arcade this way and you were like yes yeah and uh it's just an old-timey word for like a bunch of shops like yeah this is what we call an arcade yeah it's like a british term like just like a like a kind of not a strip mall but kind of it would be usually on the bottom like the basement of the hotel it would just be a bunch of shops yeah i did have that exact experience
Starting point is 00:53:46 and your dad's like go for it yeah exactly well i can't afford a fur hat but it's weird to see an arcade because who plays an arcade well they are getting rid of them are they really very reason yeah because nobody plays yeah. Because nobody plays them. Yeah, no one like, it's not a cash cow anymore. No one's pumping quarters. Yeah, and then they also, I guess this was a thing they did to not be associated
Starting point is 00:54:16 with guns or whatever, but there's gun games that are there. Gun Gun Revolution. Shoot Shoot Revolution. Gun Tar Hero. But the gun has been replaced by a block with a button on it. So it's not, it's still in the holster and you still hold it up. Like a block of wood? Well, no, like it's a metal block with like a red button on it that you just, like a remote.
Starting point is 00:54:41 Does it have, like, are you aiming it? Yeah. Does it have an aimer? That's funny? Yeah. Does it have an aimer? Yeah, but it's just this yellow block with a button on it. I think that's cool. Yeah, it is pretty cool. Blocks don't kill people. Yeah, but then what if kids have a weird, violent relationship with cheese?
Starting point is 00:54:57 Oh, is that what it looks like? Yeah, it looks like a yellow block. Cheese. Nibbles out of it. Yeah, so a road on the ferry where everybody lets their kids just go bananas. That seems to be the theme. Just let your kid free range as soon as we're out on the water. Well, they're not going anywhere.
Starting point is 00:55:14 That's true. Yeah, you know, very few people. I was saying that. Very few people fall off the ferry for how many ferry trips there are and how stupid people are. I'm surprised. Would you go? Do you die if you, does it take you under?
Starting point is 00:55:27 What? If you fall off the side of the ferry? Because, you know, there's all that, like, waves and stuff. Yeah, I think it would definitely kill you. You couldn't fall off
Starting point is 00:55:33 and swim away? I could. Dave could. Yeah, Dave definitely could. But I wouldn't do it naked. What if it was at night and we were all drunk and on mushrooms?
Starting point is 00:55:43 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well then, okay. Yeah. I think maybe once every couple of years someone falls off and I don't think they always die. No. How do they fall off? Just looking too hard over the edge? Like, you're not drunk.
Starting point is 00:55:56 No, but a lot of people are really doing a lot of dumb posing. And I think maybe you drop like your phone, you scramble for it, and then all of a sudden you're in the water. Okay. That kind of but i'm surprised that doesn't happen every week because there's not them there's no safeguards against it there's like a railing but it's very followable there are it's a short railing yeah apparently there are like tons of suicides off of the bridges of the bridges yeah that don't like Off the bridges, yeah. That don't, like, it just happens so often that they don't even report it. Like the Broad Bridge? Like these bridges?
Starting point is 00:56:29 Maybe the Lionsgate. Yeah, the Second Arrows. You couldn't survive that? No. Oh, no, no. But how would those cliff-jumping guys do it? They jump off bridges like the Red Bull guys. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:56:42 How does that work? Oh, well, if they're, because they do, like, for the Red Bull thing, they have this water. The water's moving. Like, don't they, like, spray water on the surface? Because that's different. Because I saw this one guy, though, who jumped off a bridge. This, like, weird guy with super long hair. I don't know why.
Starting point is 00:57:02 His hair was, like, down his, like, ass. But he, like like would dive off these fucking huge bridges right into like water and like survive are you sure he's still alive I
Starting point is 00:57:10 try to google it yeah but it's like a pretty famous way to kill yourself jumping off a bridge yeah but usually
Starting point is 00:57:19 not into water but usually like in Toronto the people that would jump off are like we have a blue or viaduct bridge now you can't because they put these things up years ago but like they would the people that would jump off are like we have a blue or viaduct bridge. Now you can't because they
Starting point is 00:57:25 put these things up years ago but like they would jump into just jump off the dock.
Starting point is 00:57:29 But traditionally bridges are over water. I guess. Yeah. That makes sense. It's I think if you
Starting point is 00:57:36 I'm stupid. I went to that school in Nelson I just built a bridge across nothing.
Starting point is 00:57:44 Yeah. If it's still water you basically when you hit it. It's like cement, right? Yeah, it's like cement. And so I think even when you see an Olympic diving, they're moving the water. Oh, yeah, they're a little splashy, bubbly thing. Because otherwise it would be like the impact is twice as much or whatever. So that's, yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:01 But, yeah, like people. But I think if you fell off the ferry, I don't think the fall would kill you. No, it's not that high. I think you get sucked under the, you know, whatever you call that thing on the side, the stream or the wake. For people who live in a maritime culture, we don't know anything about boats. Couldn't tell you starboard from port. At least you can name them. What are the other two
Starting point is 00:58:25 stern and bow yes yeah that's very good but i don't know which one is which so somebody's like it's the same as like this stage left well which one is hamlet on and which one am i yorick playing york i don't know the play you know these yorks the scully talks oh okay yeah oh alas yeah that guy that would be that would be who you'd be cast of in the sketch at humber yeah they'd be like yeah you know what cut the skull we have enough people on stage cut the skull we're gonna use a pumpkin um all also the thing was, uh, driving to the ferry, uh, because we're in October or, well, when this comes out as October, a lot of people picking their own, uh, pumpkins out in a pumpkin patch. I guess that's, uh, I don't understand. And they start in September. They're out there.
Starting point is 00:59:19 There was a, um, I saw a mother with two kids, uh, just going into the grocery store and the kids were like, oh, let's get, and they had pumpkins. Let's get our pumpkin. We can carve it. And it was mid-September in the moment. Like, no, no, if we carve it, it'll just get rotten. And then they saw all these weird decorative gourds that are all like those weird different shape things. For the horn of planting. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:41 And the kids were like, oh, these ones are already rotten. They have weird warts on them it is early to be picking out a pumpkin i know but people love pumpkin spice thing oh they do they want to people the moment it's september 21st give me them sweaters it's true and uh people are out there it's a couple's thing i guess you go pick out a pumpkin together. Is it? Well, it's not a single person thing. I'm going to make it one. I'm going to get a whole team of singles together. We're all going to go out there naked and just pick our own fucking pumpkins and leave.
Starting point is 01:00:15 That's what's going to happen. We're going to go do mushrooms. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But have you ever done a couple hayride? Well, yeah, some couple thing that you would never do. Because I was with Ben McGinnis, who has been on the show before. Yeah. And he said that he had had to do that once. And I was like, yeah, that seems like a thing only couples do.
Starting point is 01:00:41 Like, go to an orchard go to apple picking or whatever couples and parents oh yeah yeah that's where abby and i have been together for 15 16 years and uh none of that stuff we would never do any of that stuff now if we didn't have a kid right and now it's like all right well let's you know we're gonna go to the get in the back of a wagon and sit here in a freezer tits off the whole time have you ever had no I didn't do a couple
Starting point is 01:01:11 of things like that now I want to ruin people's couple things like now I want to go just be the third wheel on a hayride you guys enjoying yourself me too
Starting point is 01:01:19 you bring a harmonica just here to practice the air is good for it going to town so bad uh yeah i don't think i've ever been on anything like i don't you know not that i can recall i've never done anything that where it would just be only couples or like you say like parents with a kid uh well you know those um there's that like uh yeah what's the the christmas train that they have yeah yeah yeah that's another one you would go by yourself yeah yeah go sit on the
Starting point is 01:01:54 christmas train or go through a corn maze by yourself one to take everyone marco marco um yeah i guess i can see why some people are talking about how lonely christmas is because it's all things that you can't do by yourself yeah and then then now they're trying to make halloween into the lonely thing too couples costumes oh my god twix Costumes. Oh, my God. Twix. What are you doing? Should we move on to overheards? Yeah. Yeah. Are you easily confused by terms like cultural appropriation, cisgender, and woke?
Starting point is 01:02:43 Or maybe you find yourself constantly explaining terms like these, and you need a place to vent. Do you have a love for all things pop culture, social commentary, and politics? Sounds like you need Minority Corner! Where you can learn, laugh, and play. Sounds like Blue's Clues! Only it's more black, gay, and ladylike. James and Anake
Starting point is 01:03:00 will happily administer your weekly dose each and every Friday. You can listen on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Minority Corner. With a K. Because the C was taken. I'm Bits. And I'm Teresa.
Starting point is 01:03:12 And we host the podcast One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting. Parenthood. It turns out it is very difficult, but we all get up every day and do it again. It's like the sign says, if you're going through hell, keep going. So join us each week as we strive for less judging and more laughing. Find us on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts when your children aren't around. Overheard. Overheard.
Starting point is 01:03:42 Hey, Graham. Yes. We last spoke, you were talking Hey, Graham. Yes? We last spoke. You were talking about Twix. Yes. Have you seen those commercials where there's the two competing Twix factories? Yes. That's the thinnest of premises.
Starting point is 01:03:54 It is very thin. Have you seen that? No. Where the right Twix factory rivals with the left Twix factory. I don't think Twix ever had rivals with the left Twix factory. I don't think Twix ever had a good campaign. Because wasn't their slogan, Twix, it kicks? Yeah. It was a good campaign.
Starting point is 01:04:11 It was a cool 90s guy. He was on the TV show Madison. Yeah. And he was just doing, you know, 90s stuff. Standing in a room, drinking out of a big coffee cup. Yeah. Yeah. Chandler being around his bank. Now, Overheards.
Starting point is 01:04:27 Good bar though. Oh, absolutely. One of the best. Good crunch. We always like to start the segment, Overheards, with the guest. Do you have one? Are you ready to go? Yes, I do.
Starting point is 01:04:36 Locked and loaded? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The first day I came here to Vancouver, I met up with some friends and went to a bar at the Cobalt. But right beside it, there's like a karaoke thing going on there. Yeah, the sidecar, and went to a bar at the Cobalt. But right beside it, there's like a karaoke thing going on there. Yeah, the sidecar,
Starting point is 01:04:47 I think it's called. Yeah. And there's this girl that was very annoying, just talking like, apparently she, my friends were saying that she's like studying
Starting point is 01:04:53 about people and stuff and not getting the hit, like very close talk or like moving back. And I just heard it at some point across the page. She's like, well, anyways,
Starting point is 01:05:01 I got to get back to my beekeeping. I'm like, I'm sorry, you what? She's like, first of all, who doesn't open with being a beekeeper like why are you ending the conversation on being a beekeeper like that's a pretty big thing to talk about so where are you in your home well i gotta get to my beekeeping what's on the hat yeah like you're beekeeping in your actual house right now like this is crazy and wow, you can't, it's not a puppy. You can leave the bees alone. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:26 It seemed very insane. I left the lid off the bees. Oh boy. 30 year old girl beekeeping at her house in Vancouver. Wow. It's very odd. It was apiary. Is that what you are when you're a beekeeper?
Starting point is 01:05:39 Yeah. It was like a hobby of hers. Like it's like a side project. Right. Cause I know a guy in Prince George that does that. And, you know, just as a fun thing. Apparently, once you set it up, they kind of do the rest. Look, I've read some news.
Starting point is 01:05:53 There's plenty of bees. We don't need any more bees. Okay? Don't keep them. Just chuck them. Yeah. I'm a bee chucker. That's why the headline was bees schmies.
Starting point is 01:06:02 Yeah. I get it. Oh, please. I get it. Dave, do you have an overheard? Mine's an overseen. This is, speaking of thin premises, this isn't much of anything. It was when I was in Toronto like a month and a half ago, maybe two months ago.
Starting point is 01:06:23 Time is slipping into the future. But I was walking between places. I don't even know the neighborhood I was in. They all look the same. Townhouses and townhouses and townhouses and townhouses. And I was walking. You're slagging, you're sitting. I don't know why.
Starting point is 01:06:41 I love Toronto so much. It's more condos also, but anyway. Not where I was. I was in the townhouse area that seems to be widespread. Anyway, so I was walking past this house, and just everything about this, it was just a total package. You had to be there.
Starting point is 01:07:02 I'm going to tell it. It's not going to go well. I called it the peace house. just a total package you had to be there i'm gonna tell it it's not gonna go well i i called it the peace house this is a house that has a giant four foot light up uh peace sign in the window okay like that you plug they plug in every night yeah uh bumper stickers on the front door uh pride a pride flag in the window it was down the street from this place called like artscape young place oh yeah yeah wow this is uh and the bumper the bumper sticker on the door said It was down the street from this place called Artscape Young Place. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:26 Wow. This is the neighborhood. And the bumper sticker on the door said, I'm already against the next war. Cool. Are you around the college and bathhouse area? I don't know. Well, Artscape is that college in Dovercourt, I think. Sure.
Starting point is 01:07:41 So, yeah. Is that a hippie area? No. That's why it's very odd. Is that a hippie place? No, that's why it's very odd. Is that a hippie place? No, I don't think. Artscape young place.
Starting point is 01:07:49 It sounds like, what is it? No, it's like a bunch of like local artists, like just sell their stuff. Ah, okay. It seems like a place you would bring young people to do art.
Starting point is 01:07:58 Yeah. To pick up the profits. Maybe I don't know what the fuck that place is. I don't, I want to know what the place is. Anyway, it was was I was scrounging for an overseen
Starting point is 01:08:08 anyway I'm already against the next war that's just how anti-war I am yeah I don't even want to hear your argument yeah even if it's against robo hitler yeah sure against it or skeletor yeah skeletor hitler skeletor robo hitler Even if it's against Robo Hitler. Yeah, sure. Against it. Or Skeletor. Yeah, Skeletor Hitler.
Starting point is 01:08:27 Skeletor Robo Hitler. So scary. Right? Because he's got a skeleton face. But then, you know when a skeleton's super scary when it has hair on it? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:08:39 I know. But it tries to cover it up with one of those bald wigs. With the skins just flapping around. Yeah, don't wear that bald wig for my benefit, Skeleton. By the way, Toronto's lovely. I like Toronto a lot. Everyone out here, I feel like, hates Toronto. I like it.
Starting point is 01:09:00 Okay. I go there. I go for the French Festival every year. Oh, yeah. That's fun. French. I like it. I go for the French Festival every year. Oh yeah, that's fun. I like it. I like a queen.
Starting point is 01:09:08 I like a college. I like a Bathurst. Oh, you love Ossington. I love Ossington. Absolutely. You love all the streets. Those are all of the streets. Blur. I like Blur.
Starting point is 01:09:23 Oh sure, Oasis, Blur. Pulp. My overseen, as courtesy of one of the many motels in the area where I was staying. You know those like wooden Victoria. You know those wooden owls that people will put up
Starting point is 01:09:42 to discourage birds from nesting there? So this motel, I guess, thought more was better. Had about six of them all in this one corner. And down the side of the corner, just bird shit everywhere. So if anything, it was just like, people were like, this is bird friendly. Look how many owls there are. Yeah. This motel is the place.
Starting point is 01:10:05 Were the owls themselves covered in it uh i didn't get it i didn't get a good enough look okay probably because i have a i have a better overseen oh yeah sorry come on i don't know you're allowed this you are allowed this um i have photo evidence too of it. I think I said it at my second show too last night. Yeah. Flying from San, I got layover in San Fran from LA this year. Yep. And, uh, in line to get on the flight, guy going, coming to BC, uh, he had a baseball hat and a man bun.
Starting point is 01:10:38 Um, but not, not a man bun at the back of his head. He had snipped the tip of his hat, cut a hole for his man bun to be on the top of his head. I couldn't get over it. I took three, four photos. I'm sending it
Starting point is 01:10:50 to all my friends. I'm like losing my mind on this man bun. It's two in front of me. Just see the bun the whole time. I was losing it. I'm golfing
Starting point is 01:10:56 last week. Never golfed in my life. The golf course down way, I don't know where it is. It's an M. I'm not sure. It's in Vancouver.
Starting point is 01:11:03 Manitoba. Yeah. I see out of the corner of my eye on like the hole beside us a man bun i'm like no look over same fucking guy in the same goddamn hat with the same man bumping him this guy's like following me around vancouver now but what a weird you don't think of a man you guys show pictures on your thing yeah yeah uh but you don't consider a guy with a man bun, like a top knot. Yeah. Imagine you'll see him golfing later. That's exactly.
Starting point is 01:11:31 And like, also put it out the back. Like you wasted, like it was a nice hat. Like that's like a $50 baseball cap. Also I thought that you did the man bun, you know, like when you're running out of the house, you do the man bun. Cause you're, uh, you don't have time to wash your hair or whatever. Yeah. And then you would put on a baseball hat instead of the man bun. Yes, exactly.
Starting point is 01:11:49 Put it on the back for a little scrunchie. Exactly. Yeah, fun. So I've just never seen this type of thing before. It blew my mind. Are you going to show the picture? Yeah, I'm going to look for the picture right now. Oh, your phone.
Starting point is 01:12:00 Yeah, I'm going to turn it back on. Well, we also have overheards And overseens sent in From people around the world If you want to send one in to us you can send it in to SPY at MaximumFun.org This first one Comes This is from my brother's wife
Starting point is 01:12:17 Renee In Calgary, Alberta I have an overheard Hi Renee Thanks for the invite to the wedding. Yours is still in the mail. An overheard from the Body Worlds exhibit in Calgary. Rene and I are in a fight. Oh, no! A real Hatfield and McCoy.
Starting point is 01:12:39 So this is a woman in a super soft whisper. Your urethra is longer than mine. And then the man in a super soft whisper goes, yes. Well, it would have to be. I guess, eh? It hangs outside the body. But him being that excited about it is really hilarious. Do you have to whisper at the body world exhibit?
Starting point is 01:13:03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because otherwise. You wake them up Their bodies come to life Their eyes shift Oh, did you see that clip? It was a fake, but it was so scary They have like a body of a saint In one of those cathedrals
Starting point is 01:13:17 In Europe With a Denzel face And, you know It's been there for hundreds of years And then somebody's edited it so that the eyes just pop open. Oh. No, I haven't seen that. I'm not like you.
Starting point is 01:13:32 I don't dour the internet for spooks. Yeah, I like spooks. Oh, we were talking. I did a bit last night about the Halloween sound effects. The CDs. Yeah. And Steph said on stage that she should record her own Halloween sound effects. How do? The CDs, yeah. And Steph said on stage that she should record
Starting point is 01:13:46 her own Halloween sound effects. I don't know how I missed that. I'd be the best at that. Give me your top five Halloween sound effects. Go. What? I tried to do a wedge.
Starting point is 01:13:58 Are you doing Down with the Sickness? Ooh. That's like a... Like an ogre. That's like the same one maybe I'm not good at the sound effects
Starting point is 01:14:09 I was better at it last night they're not all people some of them are just like creaking creaking yeah I'm not good at sound effects that's if R2-D2 sees
Starting point is 01:14:20 a pretty lady a pretty robot lady um why I no one listens to CDs anymore I just I have a R2-D2 sees a pretty lady. A pretty robot lady. No one listens to CDs anymore. I just, I have a, I made a playlist of spooky sounds.
Starting point is 01:14:34 Yeah, from a collection. On Spotify. Sorry, you have the picture? I have the photo, yes. If you want to get a little peek at this guy. Oh my God. It's insane. If you want to put it up, I can blur the guy's face.
Starting point is 01:14:44 I can blur it. We can all blur it. And then him golfing, I had to get a photo of him golfing because people weren't going to believe that I saw the same guy.
Starting point is 01:14:52 It would have been the best if he had one of those funny golf hats. Oh, and he cut the eye and lost my mind. Like a Tamo shank or something? Yeah. You can't really tell it's him.
Starting point is 01:15:00 It's very far away, but it's hard to. This next one is one of our favorite categorums of overseeing uh the license plate okay that we can't figure out maybe what it is uh needed help this is from uh casey s this is i need help figuring out what the license plate i oversaw this weekend it was bng space you're writing it down i need to see this space g r m a bang grandma yeah is it bang grandma i think it might be bang grandma
Starting point is 01:15:38 bang grandma that's creepy or bong grandma or Or bing grandma. Chandler's grandma. Yeah, but bong grandma. She likes molten pot. Oh, sure. Those are the three possibilities. Or bong grandma. Grandma's bonged up. She's making a barrel. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:54 Somebody threw out all her brand buds. She's all bonged up. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I think we did some good work there. And this last one comes from Addie in Chicago. This is an overheard from my sister. So it's not even Addie. It's Addie adjacent.
Starting point is 01:16:13 She works in a small town in New Hampshire and has some very religious co-workers walking down the hall. She just heard one of her co-workers tell another in reference to his college age daughter. Her professor really caught her off guard with all that evolution stuff. Oh, boy. All that evolution malarkey. Caught her off guard. Never heard it before. She looks down at the textbook.
Starting point is 01:16:40 It says evolution on the cover. Oh, brother. What? Oh, brother. What? Oh, boy. Wow. What a life that that catches you off guard. And like you must have been so caught off guard because you decided to take this class. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:55 What did you think you were going to learn? Oh, wow. Yeah. It's I don't know if either of you had this experience when I was in in college, I accidentally sat in on the wrong class on the first day. And they were talking and none of it sounded right for what the class was supposed to be. But how should you know? Yeah, exactly. I walked away from it.
Starting point is 01:17:17 College is weird. And I was like, man, college is weird. Kevin Smith was walking out. Yeah. He's like, I quit. He was in the same class. He's like, I quit. He was in the same class. He's like, I don't get it either. I'm getting the fuck out of here.
Starting point is 01:17:29 Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you would like to call us, our phone number is 1-844-SPY-POD1. That's one. SpyPod1. Dave was doing magic fingers that whole time. Very silly fingers the whole time. P-O-D-1. That's one. SpyPod 1. Dave was doing magic fingers the whole time. Very silly fingers the whole time. Here come your calls.
Starting point is 01:17:52 Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Dan in Chicago, Illinois, USA. Yep. Watching the U.S. presidential debates. Slowly. presidential debates. Slowly. Debacle. And took my dog out for a walk mid-debate, kind of in every window along the street,
Starting point is 01:18:20 catching glimpses of the debate in the windows of every TV, except for one. Where a guy was watching on the big huge flat screen TV just some good old fashion ass fucking gay porn. Waits for no debate.
Starting point is 01:18:39 That's uh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's not look, politics is not for everyone. And, I mean I don't know why people who are decided voters are still following all this. Like you should just, if we're, if. It was pretty crazy. If you know what you're doing, like, if you know how you're voting, then you could just watch porn the rest of the time. You know what I realized as, as we're saying this? I've never watched porn on a giant flat screen
Starting point is 01:19:05 TV. No, it's always been in my room on my laptop. Ashamed. What was Graham doing in your room? I was there to fix some plumbing. That's a really classic joke. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:22 I've never watched porn. Dave, stop. Guys, that first day Yeah Yeah I've never watched porn Dave Dave stop Guys That Well the first day of college That porn stuff Really caught me off guard
Starting point is 01:19:31 I watched porn In Steph's basement At one of her parties Yeah that stuff That's how we lost The virginity Yeah To a furnace
Starting point is 01:19:39 There's your next phone call Oh Todd Hi this is Lee in Chicago I was just in an insult fight with my 8 year old boy Steven and his insult was every time you pee you poop at the same time
Starting point is 01:19:54 and then you explode pretty good I like that kid I don't know how I would come back from that I'd be like no I'm not you can watch me when she first said I was in an insult that I'd be like No I'm not You can watch me When she first said I was in an insult fight I thought it was like
Starting point is 01:20:08 An actual fight But I guess they They just try to Insult each other Like that's the point of it Yeah No one's feelings Are getting hurt
Starting point is 01:20:15 No But I do like the idea Of getting in an insult fight With an eight year old Yeah Or with your own mother Because there's still Some things you can't say in a fun insult fight yeah like you poop and pee at the same time and then you explore yeah
Starting point is 01:20:31 yeah what's the math on that why why would you explode okay we're not doing that here's your final overheard me having sex with a furnace fine great Dave Graham and a possible guest I've been overheard for you in the grocery store and wandered into the chip aisle and I heard a couple guys talking guy was holding up a bag of chips for another guy he said oh but it's only ripple the other guy said do we need ripple and the first guy said well depends how smooth your dip is. And then the other guy said, all right, fuck it. Let's get Ripple.
Starting point is 01:21:12 It is true. If your dip's super smooth, then you need Ripple to get traction. Thicker. It's a thicker chip. Yeah. Sturdier chip. Oh, boy. I'm not a chip lover.
Starting point is 01:21:24 Get out of here, then. I think I'm becoming one. I live here in the last, boy. I, like, I don't, I'm not a chip lover. Oh, get out of here then. I think I'm becoming one. I live here. In the last little while. I live here. But, like, part of it is that I know it's unhealthy, and if I'm not, like, in love with it, why won't I just, I'll just eat the other thing that's bad for me. You'll just eat the dip. Just use your fingers.
Starting point is 01:21:41 Well, I, like, I'll just eat ice cream. Yeah. But it feels like putting dip on top of a chip is so much worse for you. You don't see the dip. This is your fingers. Well, I like, I'll just eat ice cream. Yeah. But it feels like putting dip on top of a dip is so much worse for you. Oh, yeah. But it's so good. But then it's a meal.
Starting point is 01:21:51 It's so tasty. But I have been finding myself instead of, like, at night, like, if I'm, like,
Starting point is 01:21:59 kind of hungry, like, I usually, like, seek out a slice of pizza somewhere. Been going with a bag of chips all of a sudden.
Starting point is 01:22:05 I don't think it's better, but it's... It's so good. I've been eating a lot of all-dressed chips since I've been home. I'm not going to lie to anybody. There's no all-dressed in the States. I just go just straight up, just regular. Lay's regular? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:17 Ew. Come on, get on board. No, you need to see Salt Miss Vickie's. You need a Ruffles all-dressed. You know what I don't like? This new brand of chips called Hard Bite. What? Tell me more.
Starting point is 01:22:29 It's just, I don't know anything about them except that they're called Hard Bite. Are they harder than the average chip? Why would that be a selling point? Well, if you have a smooth dip. If it's too thick a dip, Hard Bite will get in there and get the job done. No thanks. I'm going to break a tooth. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:47 Oh boy, that would be embarrassing going to the dentist. What happened? Very hard chip. Yeah, I ate some hard bites. Your insurance doesn't cover hard bites. Yeah. Insurance doesn't cover stupid things. Well, I shouldn't tell you about what I did with that gobstopper.
Starting point is 01:23:03 Hello. I put it in my butt. Not as everlasting as they say. Well, that brings us to the end of this here podcast. Good. On the butt gobstopper. Steph, do you have anything coming up in the month of October you would like to plug? Shows in Los Angeles or anywhere stateside?
Starting point is 01:23:26 I'm going to the Montana Big Sky Comedy Festival. Okay. October 11th to 17th. Fun. Yeah, it's fun. It's a competition, so hopefully I won't shit the bed.
Starting point is 01:23:38 Yeah. I mean, unless that's one of the categories. Yeah, I'm going to do really well at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's exciting. Yeah, yeah. Bill to do really well at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's exciting. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:47 Billings, Montana. If you're there, come. Never been. Let's go. Yeah, let's go. Okay, road trip. You've got a car. Come with me.
Starting point is 01:23:55 Yeah, yeah. Well, break a leg. Thank you. Yeah. And, yeah, speaking of upcoming shows, we're doing a show, as we said, in Victoria. Yeah. October 22nd. At the Alex Goulden. Don't doing a show, as we said, in Victoria. Yeah. October 22nd. At the Alex Goulden Hall.
Starting point is 01:24:07 Don't leave us out there twisting in the wind, Victoria. Like you did in Edmonton and Saskatoon, I assume, at our last shows that happened this weekend. We haven't done them yet, but I assume they were disasters. I mean, don't you? Oh, sure. And thank you so much for listening. I mean Don't you Oh sure Um And uh Thank you Uh So much for listening
Starting point is 01:24:28 If you like the show You should head over to Maximumfun.org Check out the blog recap Pictures and videos Relating to this podcast Surely That guy with the man buns
Starting point is 01:24:37 Taking off the roof Of his hat Definitely His convertible hat Uh you know Some brand Some major picture Brand buds
Starting point is 01:24:43 Um Uh Picture of Steph Skinny dipping Yeah yeah Sure just hat. You know, some brand. I made a picture of brand buds. Picture of Stephanie. Skinny dipping? Yeah, yeah. Sure, just my head out of the water. Yeah, weren't you doing a mermaid thing the last time you were here? Yeah, I did. Yeah, stuff like that. Yeah, that kind of thing. Yeah, and whatever. The show's free. Yeah, if you like this show, do tell your friends,
Starting point is 01:25:07 and you can leave us a review on iTunes. That would be nice. And you know what? Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.

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