Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 470 - Ryan Belleville

Episode Date: March 20, 2017

Comedian and actor Ryan Belleville returns to talk YouTube families, chomps, bites, chews, and dumb movie trailers. It's week 1 of #MaxFunDrive 2017. Stop Podcasting Yourself is supported almost entir...ely through listener donations. maximumfun.org/donate

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 470 of Stop Podcasting Yourself and week one of the MaxFunDrive. Hello to people who have never donated before and also people who have returned after having donated and others. Yeah, I guess if you waited 50 weeks from last year to return again and listen, that was weird. Yeah, it's weird, but you know what? You do you. My name is Graham Clark, and with me as always is a man who is, we're just so excited to be part of the MaxFun Network. I am, he is, Mr. Dave Shumka. Guys, I'm so excited to be part of it. Here we are. I am. He is. We are all together. We are. We are.
Starting point is 00:01:08 The youth of the nation. And our guest today, first time guest here in the studio. Yeah. Guest on a past live episode of Stop Podcast. Oh, yeah. Stand up comedian, writer. Go on. Actor. Yes. Father, uncle, son, brother. Yep. He's a bitch. He's a lover. father uncle son brother yep he's a bitch he's a lover he's a child he's a mother mr ryan bellville is our guest yay thanks guys thanks so much for uh making the time to come to the show it was i needed to get out of the the i just needed to get out yeah yeah and like because then you get that kind of hotel madness madness yeah you totally get the hotel madness where you know it's all of a sudden it's three o'clock in the afternoon and you're like not enough time to go and do anything yeah i had the whole day ahead of me
Starting point is 00:01:57 and nothing nothing i could have done i could have learned french i could have written a script but i watched my 600 pound life life, which I actually did yesterday for a while. Let's get to know us. Oh, absolutely. Get to know us. Now, is my 600-pound life, is that the same character every week or a different 600-pound person every week? Is it a fabulous lady? It's... Oh, she...
Starting point is 00:02:21 Oh, yeah. Is it the fabulous lady? She's a dancer? I don't know. I didn't pay that much attention to it. Like, it's oh she oh yeah is it the fabulous lady she's a dancer i don't know i didn't pay that much attention to it like it's not one of those shows that i'm sitting there like cross-legged with my my knuckles under my chin really absorbing it is it a fabulous lady of dancing i thought there was a lady named angel oh okay yeah yeah but they're 600 pounds and then they they're trying to lose it that's it that's the whole episode. Oh, I see. Okay, so maybe they go to a doctor for a consult? Maybe.
Starting point is 00:02:49 Yeah, I think they usually do, and the doctor's like, we're going to give you some surgery. And they're like, all right. And it's like, then they come back later. It's like, you've got to lose 140 pounds before the surgery. I don't know if I can do this. Can't I get a surgery, a pre-surgery? I need a vacation from my vacation.
Starting point is 00:03:04 Yeah. It doesn't sound, it's not one of those thingsgery? I need a vacation from my vacation. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't sound, it's not one of those things that, I watched like two episodes of it. I'm like, this is the saddest show I've ever seen in my life. Half hours or hours? I don't know. Time disappears a bit.
Starting point is 00:03:16 Time does. Time disappears a bit. What are your other hotel hell favorite shows? My one that it's the show I only watch in hotels is uh say yes to the dress oh my god guys if i'm in a hotel for some reason it's always on and it's always a marathon so i'll watch it is always a marathon yeah say yes to the dress and love it and list it love it or list it yeah love it i love it we're gonna list it then no no no i loved it we're homeless now yeah um yeah i i feel like these are maybe all on the tlc network or the the speaking of things like time blurring all those channels have blurred
Starting point is 00:03:57 into one yeah a and e tlc discovery discovery history history channel is not like history at all No it's all just pawn shops Yeah pawn shops Yeah I remember when it started Was it history channel? No that was Spike That had the greatest warrior Where it would be like a samurai A samurai
Starting point is 00:04:22 Versus a Vietnam vet. So. That always ends how you think it's going to end. Like the greatest warrior, they would, you'd be like, oh, we have a aboriginal chieftain versus a barbarian with a claymore and an arrow. And you're like, well, that one has armor. He's probably going to win. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 00:04:48 Like, it was always, although there was one that was like, I think it was a Viking versus a samurai. I would love to see that. I would love to see that. I thought for sure. They'd kiss. For sure they're kissing. They're both wearing helmets with kind of point, like upward points. So they were into each other. Yeah. For sure they're kissing. They're both wearing helmets with kind of point, like upward points. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:07 So they were into each other. Yeah. Yeah. But I think I thought the Viking was going to win and he didn't. The samurai won because of skills, maybe? I would bet on a samurai over a Viking probably. Yeah. But there's never, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:24 It's such a great show because they never would meet each other. Yeah, that's true. I mean, until we invent time travel, and that's inevitably what we do with it. We bring over the universe and bring the warriors and a new UFC. But also, are they fighting one-on-one? In this scenario, they are. Yeah, because they would always show, like, reenactments. Well, not reenactments, because it never happened.
Starting point is 00:05:48 Did Samurai have armies? Or were there just seven of them? Seven Samurais. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was just seven Samurais. Yeah, it was just seven. But the problem I always thought was the Samurais had some kind of code that they lived by. Vikings were just like, they would go crazy.
Starting point is 00:06:04 Well, that's the thing. That's why they'd win, because Samurai, you kind of code that they lived by. Vikings were just like, they would go crazy. That's why they'd win, because samurai, you think of training. You think of sitting with a sword across your lap for hours, just becoming one with yourself. And then the Viking. Talk about time just rolling in. It's already 3 o'clock. You just been sitting there with this goddamn sword.
Starting point is 00:06:23 This is uncomfortable. But then the Viking is just like drinking, uh, like a fermented goat's milk out of a enemy's skull or something. Yeah. Like that's not a, a way to become a better fighter. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:35 There's no training, but they go crazy. Which way is the way to become a better fighter? Sitting with your sword, doing nothing or drinking out of your enemy's skull. You know, now I'm second guessing myself. And also, I'm thinking, like, why am I even commenting on ancient fighters?
Starting point is 00:06:50 I could not be further from their level of expertise. But that show had a, there was only so many warriors. I guess they could have recombined. There's like, oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, they could have brought back. Oh, yeah, they could have recombined. There's like, oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, they could have brought back last week's champ. Oh, yeah, they could have done like a tournament. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:09 We've given the barbarian a tomahawk to see how he's going to fight. And then the historians are like, I don't feel comfortable commenting on this. He's against a dinosaur. Did they do it with animals? I mean, not did they do it with animals. But did they have like a crocodile versus a shark? No, but I mean, that's the inevitable follow-up. I think they even made like robot versions of them just to do simulations.
Starting point is 00:07:37 A robot versus a crocodile would be amazing. I think I'm going to give it a crocodile. Well, it depends on whose environment we're talking about. Exactly. That's what it comes down to. Because robot in the water, probably not going to give it a crock. Well, it depends on whose environment we're talking about. Exactly. That's what it comes down to. Because robot in the water is probably not going to be so great. You're making a lot of assumptions about the robot. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:53 That they're not waterproof? I'm giving you the expertise of robots only because you're not saying robots. Robots. But, yeah. In the human one, did it matter whose environment? In the human one? I think the human's in the environment? In the human one? I think the human one's the official one. Well, I'm...
Starting point is 00:08:09 Okay, in the warrior one, which may or may not be the human one. Did the environment come into play? No, it was always out in a park. Okay, so if it was like samurai and viking, it wouldn't be like... Well, they're in Japan. Yeah, that's true. So the samurai knows how to use the robotic toilet. Oh, they're in modern day Japan.
Starting point is 00:08:33 I think they've had them a while. But that's not fair if it's in a park. Because if it's a pirate versus a samurai and he's got a peg leg and it's like soft soil or something. That is true. And he's kind of got a weird step because he's used to being on a boat. Yeah, he's, yeah, that's, you're right. But I think you'd have to give him. I think one-footed pirate loses to every other warrior.
Starting point is 00:08:55 Yeah, he probably lost the foot in the first place. Yeah. From being bad at fighting. I think in that case, then you give the pirate an extra thing. Yeah. He gets a laser sight on his musket. A cannon. He gets one cannon and one cannonball and nothing else.
Starting point is 00:09:11 What would you do if you had a cannon with just one cannonball? Oh, I don't know. I might leave it on my porch. Yeah. As a warning? Yeah, as a warning. Because no one's going to mess with a guy with a cannon. I'd go over to my elementary school.
Starting point is 00:09:26 Oh yeah. That's a good pick. I'd get all the kids out to watch. Yeah. The hero for a day. Guess what happened on top of Old Smokey? I guess on top of the school yard? Yeah, where does the school want it? At the principal's office?
Starting point is 00:09:42 In the gymnasium? Couple of nerds. Please blow up the gym. Dodge this ball, gymnasium. Woo! Woo! So you're in Vancouver doing the comedy mix?
Starting point is 00:09:59 Yes. And is this like a one stop? Are you on a tour? I don't really do extended tours anymore because of family. I'm a family man. Like I had a few years where I was doing about 100,000 miles a year in North America. Wow. And I was getting really burned out. On planes or?
Starting point is 00:10:18 Yeah, 100,000. Mostly planes. Like I would bounce around and I was just getting so burned out. What status do you get? Yeah, yeah. You must be in the lounge. Are you like George Clooney? I and I was just getting so burned out. What status do you get? Yeah, yeah. You must be in the lounge. Are you a George Clooney? I got up to a George Clooney status.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Nice. Yeah, George Clooney status. It was pretty good. So what is that? Automatic upgrades? Yeah. You get some automatic upgrades. You get a lot of vouchers, a lot of lounge access.
Starting point is 00:10:39 Lounge. Lounge. Real nice. What about you getting on the plane first? Get on the plane first. You get to kick one passenger in economy class. Kick them off or just kick them? Just kick them.
Starting point is 00:10:49 They have to fly, but you're allowed to kick them once. So it was pretty good. But yeah, you know what it's like. Life on the road gets a little tiring, so now I try to do a little bit better time management. It gets a lot tiring. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:04 Yeah, like it's, but last time that you were on the show, you, I think you were married, but not in the family way. No, no. Now you're proud papa. Proud papa. How's it going?
Starting point is 00:11:19 It's great. Kids are fun. Despite all the comedy premises that we mine for how horrible kids are, but it's, no, kids are fun. Despite all the comedy premises that we mine for how horrible kids are. But no, kids are fun. It's nice to get out of your comedy brain a little bit. Yeah. Is it like your eldest is into what?
Starting point is 00:11:38 What's a kid into these days? You have a six-year-old. I have a six-year-old boy and an 11-month-old baby girl. So the 11-month-old into a lot of sleeping. Sleeping. Maybe solid soon. She's eating solid food. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:50 She's super racist. But other than that, no, she's like little baby, baby. But the boy's super into like Transformers, Star Wars, Lego. Have you explained to him that Transformers, they're more than meets the eye? Yeah, he gets that. He gets that they're, yeah. They you explained to him that Transformers, they're more than meets the eye? Yeah, he gets that. He gets that they're, yeah. They're not just like robots. Just robots, like dressed as robots.
Starting point is 00:12:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're robots in disguise. Incognito. So, is he, is the gateway for a kid to be into Transformers those crazy movies? Or is there also cartoons? There's so much. Everything that I loved as a kid, like really, now
Starting point is 00:12:31 is the best time to grow up as a kid for everything. Because I used to watch the one channel for whatever was on TV, and you'd kind of go, oh, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or whatever is on. Sweet! Yeah, that's it. And that's the one Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles thing. Now there's like 10 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or whatever is on. Sweet. Yeah, that's it. And that's the one Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles thing.
Starting point is 00:12:47 Now there's like 10 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles spinoff movies and cartoons all on Netflix, all on demand. So he can be like, I'm into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the next two months
Starting point is 00:12:57 and I'm going to just watch only that. And then he moves on. Have you ever tried to show him the version that you grew up with just to see how much he hates it? Or the original cartoon. Either or.
Starting point is 00:13:08 He actually gets a kick out of like old, old crummy cartoons a bit. Oh, really? Yeah, there's a point. He was watching the original Spider-Man cartoon on Netflix. That is bad.
Starting point is 00:13:19 That was a bad one. That was bad even when I was a kid. Ninja Turtles was... Was pretty good. Was pretty good. Yeah. Compared to Spider- kid. Ninja Turtles was pretty good. Yeah. Compared to Spider-Man.
Starting point is 00:13:27 Spider-Man was terrible. Which is like they move, they animate two things a minute. Yeah. And New York always ends up like getting lifted into the sky. Do you remember that? That was like a running episode. Like the bad guy would lift Manhattan up. And then Spider-Man would always be swinging under Manhattan.
Starting point is 00:13:46 Yeah. And I've worked enough in animation now that I know that the animators are like, well, we did this once. We gotta fit this into six more episodes. And this is as juicy a premise. They're still using that premise in X-Men movies and Avengers.
Starting point is 00:14:00 A lot of the Oscar-nominated movies had... Yeah, that's right. 12 Years a Slave. When they lifted New York. Yeah. That was crazy. Yeah, Moonlight.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Moonlight, yeah. That was pretty cool. Wallaland was about L.A. being suspended over the ocean. Suspended by imagination. It was a beautiful... Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:22 But the... Oh, I forgot. I wasn't talking about kids. Doesn't matter. What's the matter with kids today? What is the matter with kids today? I don't know. It's just the word.
Starting point is 00:14:33 What is a six year old? Is that in, in what, what schooling are they in? Are they being schooled yet? No. Yeah. On the basketball court.
Starting point is 00:14:41 Grade one. He's a, he's in, he's in school school. I have to hang up, meet real parents. So real people. Yeah. That's school. I have to hang out, meet real parents. Real people is a weird thing. That's tough.
Starting point is 00:14:48 Because as comedians, it is tough. It's tough, but like... It's tough meeting normals. Normals, exactly. That's it. Like people who, when you talk to them, they're not doing a bit. Yes. You're like, oh, you meant that seriously.
Starting point is 00:15:00 Oh, okay. Oh. There's not a drip of irony when you're oh you're just smiling that as as an outsider and the parent thing that seems to be one of the weirdest things about being a parent is that you're thrust into these uh things yeah that you have to be kind of and it all came from thrusting to begin with yes and we're back to thrusting yeah but you have to hang out with these people that...
Starting point is 00:15:27 Some of them are good people. Sure. Some of them are good people. Let's just clear that up. But they're like people that you wouldn't necessarily ever find yourself having conversations with
Starting point is 00:15:40 or whatever. Yeah, you have so little... I mean, you find a common thread eventually, and some of the people are great. And you should expand with or whatever yeah you you you have so little i mean you find a common thread eventually but and some of the people are great but uh you know and you should expand your universe a bit and talk to people who do other things yeah yeah yeah oh interesting but some people just have they're like their job is just what they do to kill time until they die and uh like this is really sad man yeah um but i think when you when one of my big pet peeves and is why i love comedians and artists and like people is they go hey i kind of want to do this and a lot of them
Starting point is 00:16:13 just do it right whereas a lot of uh normal people feel crushed by life and then they always talk about oh you know what i've always wanted to do i've always wanted to travel and uh they just they just don't do it and you're like all you have to do is've always wanted to travel and uh they just they just don't do it and you're like all you have to do is buy a plane it's so easy to just do something right yeah uh wow i mean that makes sense yeah this guy's got george clooney status that's true i mean you're flying you know you're not flying in steerage like the rest of us well yes but most people i'm just saying like usually a lot of people's bucket list is one $500 plane ticket. Like that's all it would take.
Starting point is 00:16:48 Right. Yeah. Like I've always wanted to go and it's like to, you know, New Orleans. And it's like, well, you could do that. You could totally do that. I've always wanted to learn how to fish. Like that's like the easiest thing in the world. Learning how to fish.
Starting point is 00:17:01 So you stick in a string and a hook. Clearly I don't know a lot about fishing yeah I was just going to say you ever been fishing before? is that Dick Tracy the book on the ground over there? oh yeah Graham got that for me for Christmas one year that's amazing can I see it?
Starting point is 00:17:19 where is it? I'll see it after yeah yeah don't start reading Dick Tracy it's a novel based on the movie oh no I've read it I. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get it. Don't start reading Dick Tracy. It's a novel based on the movie? Oh, no. I've read it.
Starting point is 00:17:28 I own that book. Oh, okay. When I was a kid. Excuse me. It was based on the novel Push by Seth. Have you gone back and shown your kids the Dick Tracy movie? No, but you know what? I do remember when Dick Tracy was out, and I was very excited for it, and I kind of liked it, even though it was terrible.
Starting point is 00:17:44 Al Pacino. He was in that too. Dustin Hoffman. Was he Mumbles? Yeah, was he Scarface? No, he was Mumbles. He was Mumbles, yeah. It's a terrible movie. Don't go watch it by the way if you're listening. Prune Face. Prune Face?
Starting point is 00:17:57 Prune Face? Baby Hands? There's Baby Hands? Was Baby Hands really a character? The little kid from Hook. Yeah. As himself. The lady from D uh dirty rotten scoundrels yeah yeah uh and then you know all of our moms yeah wasn't that was weird all of our moms who did they play they play hands a form of baby hands but but i remember the uh old dutch potato chips had a promo on on for Dick Tracy where it's like you get stickers.
Starting point is 00:18:27 And like if you got certain like certain stickers, you might get a bag of chips. But there were some where it's like you could win a thousand bucks or two thousand bucks or something like that. Yeah. And I got this one of the stickers that was like it was the character. And I looked at the legend and it was like, oh, my God, a thousand bucks. This is so great. So I mailed it in and photocopied it and wrote a big letter. Like, woohoo.
Starting point is 00:18:52 Sent it in and waited for my thousand bucks. And they were like, oh, that's not the exact one. But here's a free bag of chips. And I was so mad. I was like, you guys owe me a thousand bucks. So what was the difference between the... One was like the guy owe me a thousand what so what like what was the difference between the like one was like the guy was wearing a hat and one he wasn't wearing a hat but i wasn't like stipulated in the legend right i was like the first time i want to take legal
Starting point is 00:19:15 action yeah i was like you should give me five hundred dollars you should give me something yeah old dutch you should give me a thousand000 minus the cost of a hat. Yeah. Yeah. It was weird that I guess Dick Tracy did well because they kept making. Dick Tracy movies. Well, they kept making movies based on like dusty old radio dramas. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:38 Like The Shadow and The Phantom. The Phantom. And yeah, The Shadow. I remember going to see that and being like, what? That was all from the era of people not understanding that comic books are cool or how to make superhero movies. Yeah, right. I don't know, The Shadow, maybe? Yeah, because they made Batman and then they were like, what?
Starting point is 00:19:59 What's next? Oh, The Shadow. You know who kids love? Lamont Cranston. Little Orphan Annie. Yeah, The Shadow. I don't even remember The Shadow. Do you know who kids love? Lamont Cranston. Little Orphan Annie. Yeah, The Shadow. I don't even remember The Shadow. It was Alec Baldwin.
Starting point is 00:20:10 Yeah. Yeah. And I didn't see it. I think. I had tickets to the premiere. You went in from a bag of old Dutch? I won them on the radio. And I was waiting for my friend and my friend never showed up.
Starting point is 00:20:23 So I didn't go in. Or he showed up late and it was already full. You don't want to go to The Shadow alone. No I didn't go in. Or he showed up late, and it was already full. You don't want to go to the shadow alone. No, I'm so scared. Yeah. You don't want to see that one alone. Well, I was 12. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:31 So shadowy. What was he, what is the shadow? He turned ugly. Oh. That's Darkman. Well, no, Alec Baldwin, he would put on a hat or a scarf or something, and then he turned into an ugly. He just turned ugly?
Starting point is 00:20:43 Yeah, he turned into an ugly... He just turned ugly? He turned ugly. His power is he's invisible using hypnosis. Oh, I see. He makes... He's at some sort of eastern... You know. Like 60...
Starting point is 00:20:57 Or not 60. Probably like 20s Orientalism. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He like... Using the power of the mystic east, he's able to yeah delete his image from your mind that's what shadow dr strange was also that was the whole thing of like yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:21:15 using the the uh your mind yeah using yeah i do you know what i've used my mind yield nothing nothing at all wasn't that batman as well Didn't he go to? Use his mind. Yeah, that's true. Razagool School of Cool. Razagool School of Cool. Are we going to learn to be? No, you got to learn how to be cool first. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:38 Just sit there with your samurai sword on your lap. Master being cool. Sit there with your batarang on your lap. Master being cool. Sit there with your batarang on your lap. And like how, what's the because in the movie they just kind of skip over how much time he went away to be, like become
Starting point is 00:21:56 Batman. But was it years and years he went and trained and just like Gotham just withered to shit? I feel like it must have been years. Yeah. It must have been years. I feel like Batman lost the plot when every device he had had to look like a bat.
Starting point is 00:22:13 There's a point where, like, that's just totally inefficient. Yeah. A batarang, sure. Yeah. A grappling hook. Would a batarang even fly as well as, like, a boomerang?
Starting point is 00:22:24 Yeah, you're probably, I think you're on his mind. Bats fly pretty well. Yeah, bats fly pretty well. That's true. But they don't do it like spinning like a frisbee. I don't know. Have you taken a look at them? Have you seen a bat recently?
Starting point is 00:22:37 I don't know. You don't know much about fishing. Do you know much about bats? Yeah, that's true. Oh, man, busted. There was a, I watched, I guess it would have appeared on, like, the DVD if you bought it. It was, like, a making of, well, I watched all four of them, the Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Forever, and Batman and Robin. Oh, those ones, yeah. and robin one they were they kind of confessed that uh they have to submit designs for uh like
Starting point is 00:23:09 the batmobile and all the other things for to the toy companies months before they even make the movie because they don't want the batmobile to lose its wheel yeah because then you know what boy do i oh yeah um so even if even if they i couldn't let it no uh if uh even if they decide okay well there's no we don't have a scene for the bat boat they have to put one in because the toy manufacturers are like we've already made a bat boat bad boat well which one is the worst of those because batman and robin batman and robin by far okay i think well some people will argue that it's batman returns but that one with jim carrey no that was batman forever batman forever sorry yeah with jim carrey and tommy lee jones tommy lee jones which was during a time when america's really having a love affair with tommy lee jones
Starting point is 00:24:01 oh yeah and jim carrey yeah oh yeah that was those were america's boyfriends pretty much two very different types of boyfriends yeah like this guy's your fun we're gonna go out on the town and then the other guy's your grouchy boyfriend tommy lee jones yeah i don't care that's his catchphrase i don't care oh. Oh yeah, Tommy Lee Jones. Yeah. So yeah, we started down this road talking about your son. He likes Transformers. Is what I wanted to get to. At the moment.
Starting point is 00:24:37 No, I like Lego. He goes through phases. He gets big into Lego. He was really into Transformers. Now this week it's been a lot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And do you ever feel like you like he gets involved in the thing where you're like I also like that thing and then next week he's not
Starting point is 00:24:55 and you're like oh no let's get back to Lego. Yeah I'm excited for Lego. Lego is pretty awesome. There's the odd time because Netflix is like a portal into so much great stuff but there's these weird terrible cartoons. There's the odd time, because Netflix is like a portal into so much great stuff, but there's these weird, terrible cartoons. What's your most hated? I couldn't even...
Starting point is 00:25:12 I just have to leave the room on some of them, and I couldn't even tell you the name of them. Because there's weird cartoons that were made as a tax dodge, and they're half-finished. Then there's, I don't know, we can sell it to Netflix and we'll just put some dialogue in, but it's got one dinosaur or something.
Starting point is 00:25:30 My son will sit and watch. He goes, this is pretty good. I'm like, this is the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. This is unfinished garbage. But you just have to leave the room. So I can't, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:40 You'll forget it. You'll see it. Yeah, yeah. You'll see it. Well, for me, it's... Dave's already in the phase of unfinished garbage. No, well, she'll go on YouTube. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:51 And then just click on whatever of the four videos it suggests next. Oh, yeah, they do that. They go down to the YouTube portal, deep, deep, deep. And some of it is just... Some of it is made by kids with their weird dad and too much Joker makeup on. Oh, my God. So there's this one. That's really specific.
Starting point is 00:26:10 Right? That's really specific. There's this one family. We don't let them do a lot of YouTube. We have a rule. You can go on the YouTube, but we have to be around because it's always just one link away from just a clan rally or something. But there's this one family
Starting point is 00:26:29 that he loves and they're like, they're the wacky fun family and they all have video or vlogs and... But it's always like, oh man, we're going to do the Mentos and the Diet Coke. We got a cotton candy maker and you can put your own candy in it.
Starting point is 00:26:45 We're going to try to make sour candy. Like cotton candy. And they're trying to do that. We're going to fill this giant balloon with tapioca pudding and then see what happens when we throw it off the roof onto the trampoline.
Starting point is 00:27:00 And it's really boring. And it has 800 million views. It's so many views and my son like he just watches it and it kind of hurts my feelings because he's like that looks like the happiest family in the world oh you know that that's the you can tell in the inverse is true yeah the second the camera's off they can't no they're sad jeremy i told you tapioca is the least funny pudding how dare you go to your room and think up a clickable thing for us to put on the vlog your seo is bullshit but they get some free swag they get so much free swag to a point where we can't help but think we should probably start a vlog.
Starting point is 00:27:47 I know. Isn't that sad as like, you know, a creative person? You're like, oh boy, I could really do it. But like I could either do really well with my own YouTube channel or fail like miserably. And it would be the most pathetic thing. Oh man. Ryan's all and he's making
Starting point is 00:28:06 his kids do stuff on camera a little hard he has 30 views I remember when I was a kid like watching something like you know
Starting point is 00:28:15 the Partridge family or something and being like well our family should start a band like just thinking like not
Starting point is 00:28:22 just ignoring all the practical considerations like yeah we're a family we can play music yeah it doesn't look that hard yeah they're not even moving their fingers i would do that a family band oh yeah well what kind of music are we talking here oh god speed metal my son my son's really into hamilton okay yeah we're one of those families a hamilton no we went on a long road trip and we played it and then he got obsessed with with uh the music i was the same uh because my parents i don't know they had the best of
Starting point is 00:28:59 andrew lloyd weber so i know two songs from everything he's ever written. Everything? Yeah, but I don't know anything beyond those two songs. Like, I never... Memories. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow. Yeah. I know that one.
Starting point is 00:29:15 Yeah. What were the cat songs, do you know? Yeah. That's definitely one of them. Rum Tum Tigger. Rum Tum Tugger. Tugger. Magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Starting point is 00:29:26 Yep These are all Cats But they had their own Everyone had their own theme song Yeah They did I think you're right
Starting point is 00:29:36 But yeah I just remember that was like The car trip Music was Yeah we did a lot of that too The very best My dad had a cassette Of Mandy Patinkin the
Starting point is 00:29:45 tink the tink the tinkler singing the show because he's he's like a big broadway star too yeah he's not just the grumpy guy from homeland yeah everyone missed something that day karen yeah that's right um he's got the uh he's got a great voice So we would listen to that a lot too. What was the song that you quoted? You've quoted it before in the past. Something about a coffee cup. Oh, coffee and a cardboard cup. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:12 Was that on there? Yeah. Coffee and a cardboard cup. Oh yeah. Oh man. Very confusing. Yeah. I mean,
Starting point is 00:30:20 that's the thing. A young boy in Alberta who knew too many show tunes. Yeah. I knew show tunes and also gas stations used to give away cassettes. And it was like the... Give away? Yeah, like you would fill up... Because I guess there was a time you needed to be encouraged to buy...
Starting point is 00:30:35 Cassettes. Gas? Gas. Oh, okay. Like you got a free thing. Like they give away dishes with... Yeah. Gas and...
Starting point is 00:30:44 We had Petro-Canada cups. We had We had Petro-Canada cups. We had all these Petro-Canada cups. My dad got some Playmobil once. And I was like, and now every time he filled up with gas, I was like, do you have Playmobil? No, the station doesn't do that. That was a one-time thing. You still call them? You still call gas Playmobil town?
Starting point is 00:31:02 I got to go to Playmobil town and fill up. But it was, yeah, like it was golden oldies, but it was not a famous band. It was bands that had one hit. But yeah, no, I remember the Petro Canada Cups. They would do them at the Olympics. Yeah. And it was like. Just like.
Starting point is 00:31:21 With a gold filigree little Olympic torch. To get you to buy gas at this place although as someone who has a car i can't imagine having a preferred place no but if you were i guess i get air miles at so yeah i mean if you went to one of those because a lot of times especially in calgary i don't know if it happens as much here where there's three gas stations on three corners. Three corners, yeah. And that's just, I wonder if that's just an infrastructure thing.
Starting point is 00:31:49 Like, just they were like, well, we'll build a tank here and we'll build a tank here. Just in case. This will be a gas corner. Yeah. When we're building a city. When they get rid of a gas station here anyway, they can't use the land for like five years. Right. So they'll put in a community garden or something.
Starting point is 00:32:04 Something where you can't sell it or you can't build anything on it. Oh, because it's toxic? I guess. Haunted. Haunted. They use it. Haunted by. Oh, you didn't know?
Starting point is 00:32:14 You didn't know that. The fossils of old dinosaurs. Oh, my God. I just thought about that. That's very scary. That is. Yeah. That makes sense, guys.
Starting point is 00:32:23 Yeah. Oh, this gas station's haunted. By the usual suspects. Velociraptor. Also, the usual suspects from the movie. Yeah, this place too. Spoiler alert, they all die. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:32:35 Well, all of them. We're talking about the dinosaurs, right? Yeah, all of them. Not the moment. Yeah. Do we want to move into a bit of a Max fun? Yeah, just before we get to me. Yeah. Do we want to move into a bit of a MaxFun? Yeah, just before we get to me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:48 Because, look, I know why everyone tuned in. You want to know what I've been up to this week. But before we do that, we should take a break and talk a little bit about this year's MaxFunDrive. Now, every year, once a year, we take two weeks across the network uh and we offer you our best shows we bring in our best guests yes and uh we offer thank you gifts it's a celebration of all things max fun and the best time to sign on as a member or if you're already a member upgrade your membership basically how it works is the whole MaxFun, it's all donator supported. Donor.
Starting point is 00:33:29 I believe the word's donator. You're thinking of tomato. And all of the episodes, we keep the whole back catalog of all the episodes are free online, but
Starting point is 00:33:42 your pledge is what makes it possible to keep going forward. The thing that happens, not only do you feel good when you pledge, which should be, you know what? Should be its own reward. Show's over. Yeah. You'll feel good.
Starting point is 00:33:55 And how good do you feel? Really good. That's pretty good. Yeah, absolutely. You know when you do something good? Oh, yeah. Like, for instance, pledge? Thanks.
Starting point is 00:34:07 That's the first thing that comes to mind. That was coming to my mind right here. Hey, do you know how I get this wood so shiny? Pledge. Pledge. Yeah. But not only will you feel good, we also have gifts at different levels of donators. Yeah, we'll get to the gifts later in the show.
Starting point is 00:34:23 Sure. But, you know, you can give it $5 a month. $10 a month. $20 a month. I touched it. $35. Ghosts. And, you know, we would love, if you're a regular listener to the show, become a MaxFun monthly member.
Starting point is 00:34:44 And it's very easy to do you just go to maximumfund.org click on donate maximumfund.org click on donate select the membership level that is right for you uh you provide a credit card some basic information mother's maiden name first pet uh voila, you're a member. And then you set it up, the donation, it's automatic. And you feel good every month. That's a gift that keeps on giving. Yeah, do it now while you're thinking about it.
Starting point is 00:35:17 So often we go and do live shows and people are like, I love your show. It's meant so much to me. I'm going through a real hard time. I'd love to support you, but you know, well, now, you know,
Starting point is 00:35:31 it's time to support the show. Uh, we're trying to get to 10,000 new and upgrading donors across the network. Do it now while it's on your mind. It's easy. Maximumfund.org. Click on donate. Now,
Starting point is 00:35:43 Dave, what's going on with you? You were mentioning, this isn't what's going on with me, but you were mentioning that thing of providing your mother's maiden name. When you're filling out a form like that and they ask you for like, you know, this will be the question that'll release your password to you. Yeah. Do you, like, sometimes it's so obvious. Like, why would anyone pick
Starting point is 00:36:06 your favorite sports team? Oh, right. Like, anyone could, could know that my favorite sports team is the, the Harlem Globetrotters.
Starting point is 00:36:17 Uh, yeah, I don't know what my, I don't think that I have a go-to of the question that I'll have answered. But, uh, Like your mother's maiden name, people can figure out.
Starting point is 00:36:28 That's very easy. Yeah, but I realize that I miss, like years ago, I misspelled my mother's maiden name in a password thing. No. And now it's like chronically wrong. And then my mother like told, and it was like a spelling I never would have expected. So now like half the passwords are spelled differently. Oh, that's good. it's a nightmare though yeah well you need some post-its yeah exactly i should have gotten it right have you ever had like uh multiple like multiple levels of forgetting
Starting point is 00:36:59 passwords oh yeah like i had a thing i couldn't remember my pay PayPal password and then it sent it to an email that I was like I don't know the password to that so then I had to go on that and they sent the password to another email a daisy chain of former emails it was my whole afternoon yeah and you know what I'm a better samurai for it
Starting point is 00:37:20 and eventually you had to go to a gas station to get your password oh yeah that'd be I mean there should be like an app where and eventually had to go to a gas station to get your password. Oh, yeah. That'd be, I mean. There should be, like, an app where, copyright before I say this, there should be an app for, this is called, like, bullshit password. So every website that demands a password, like, you can just kind of go through this central app.
Starting point is 00:37:42 So every time you, like, you want to order Swiss Chalet or Domino's pizza, and they're like, well, you need a password for this. Instead of putting the same thing you would put on your banking information, because that's probably what 90% of the people do. Right. You put in this one thing, or you just like. Well, there's an app called One Password. Okay.
Starting point is 00:37:59 That I use. Yours is more edgy, though, with bullshit password. Bullshit password. I mean, come on. Yeah. Mine's for the kids yours is more for that has you put in one like super long
Starting point is 00:38:10 password that only it's like a sentence long and it keeps track of all your passwords and it lets you know like hey you have too many things that have the same
Starting point is 00:38:19 password and really what's it called one password one and you there's a Bob Mar a Bob Marley song Wasn't it? Let's get together And then you can also It'll create just like a random assortment of letters
Starting point is 00:38:34 For your bank Ah yeah Yeah but you're right The kind of the Yeah having the same password For your bank and as for Yeah Swish LA. Do they deliver?
Starting point is 00:38:47 By the way, I don't have that any hackers listening. That's not true. Oh, this is the number one podcast of anonymous. Yeah, that's right. And you've mentioned it. It really made me miss Swish LA. I haven't had it in a long time. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:04 Did they deliver it? Yeah. So you go it in a long time. Yeah. When was the last time you... Did they deliver it? Yeah. So you go online and they deliver it? Yeah. Wow. Who goes to a Swish LA anymore? I don't do either.
Starting point is 00:39:12 I'll tell you who. Your parents. It's true. That was our big night out. We would go, you get the lemon bowl, and you'd wash your fingers. Fun. Oh, you get it with ribs or something? You get it with everything.
Starting point is 00:39:21 They bring you a little bowl of hot water. Yeah, they always bring you a little... I don't... Just for washing. That was sort of That's more of a 1980s thing. I think it was more of a everywhere else in Canada thing.
Starting point is 00:39:30 Yeah, I remember that and Tim Hortons. We didn't have Tim Hortons here until like the mid-90s. You guys were holding on to Robbins Donuts or something for a long time? Well, of course.
Starting point is 00:39:39 I remember going to especially LA when they still had a cigarette machine in the where you waited and i just remember thinking like smoking yeah because again like we're gonna try that one day swish la i think i've been once and there is one uh in kissalano yeah uh and so they're so good for so little it's just oh is that their theme song? Yeah. I thought it was nothing tastes as good as we shall eat.
Starting point is 00:40:08 I feel like both. Okay. Yeah. And their deal is rotisserie chickens? Yeah. Is that their main thing? You can get ribs. You dip it in a sauce?
Starting point is 00:40:17 Yeah. Delicious brown sauce. Yeah, brown sauce. Yeah. A different, a new chickeny kind of sauce. Yeah. Which is good. We're not going to call it gravy. Yeah. No, it's not gravy. It's chalet sauce. Yeah, a different, a new chicken-y kind of sauce. Yeah, and we're not going to call it gravy. Yeah, no, it's not
Starting point is 00:40:28 gravy. It's chalet sauce. And the big thing for the big draw if you had kids is you can smoke. Yeah, the kids are allowed to smoke in the whole restaurant. You get this ice cream for like a dollar.
Starting point is 00:40:43 Oh yeah, it was a good little family place. Yeah, it was always the grandparents wanted to go there. That was the big. Because nothing tastes as good as Swiss Chalet. Although it's not as good anymore. But I'm wondering if this is just part of getting older. You're like, nothing tastes as good as Swiss Chalet. Because you're older
Starting point is 00:41:05 or because like globalism and like profit margins have changed and so now they're like we'll suck some of the flavor out of the chicken and save
Starting point is 00:41:13 a million dollars a year. Or did they know or were you just a kid and you didn't know any better? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, is it Like did your parents like it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:23 Enough that we went. Where did you grow up? Calgary. So that you did your parents like it? Yeah. Well, enough that we went. Where did you grow up? Calgary. So that you had alternative things to eat? Yeah. Yeah. But it wasn't. This wasn't the restaurant in Calgary.
Starting point is 00:41:33 No, but it was if you were. What high school did you go to? Wait, you're trying to get my password. This is a trick. I knew it. And what street was that? What was that? Well, I was.
Starting point is 00:41:44 Wait a minute. Yeah, you'd walk your dogs What street was that? Wait a minute. Yeah, you'd walk your dogs? What was that? Well, my first dog's name. I just wanted to say, long-time listeners of the show will remember Ryan was on our live episode from Calgary. Yeah. With Amanda Brooke Perrin from maybe six years ago at this place called the Voodoo Lounge. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:05 The Rolling Stones themed bar. Where they, the one thing I remember, well, two things I remember. Voodoo. The drunkest I've ever been on a stage.
Starting point is 00:42:14 Yeah. Yeah, they kept sending us shots. I think maybe you had some? Yeah. Shots of Jaeger. And I don't know why. And it was also We sold it out
Starting point is 00:42:27 So everyone there Had paid to see us And yet they wouldn't turn off the sports on TV Yeah I feel like there was one One TV on And there was one bar regular That was sitting at the bar Basically in protest
Starting point is 00:42:43 Watching I feel like it might have been a hockey game maybe a bit in his defense that area isn't like ripe and full of bars no right like there that probably was the bar he's like yeah that was that was thus wish i like do you ever get that where you like are going to a restaurant or bar and then when upon arrival it's uh private function oh man i can see you mean like pee and poo yeah yeah a private function everywhere yeah it really bums me out so here's what's going on with me yeah what's happening a couple things this morning i bit my tongue the hardest i've ever been before before. What? Were you eating something?
Starting point is 00:43:26 Ecstasy pills. Does that explain it? You were so excited to get the pill in? I just couldn't stop chomping. No, I was eating toast. Okay. And I kept, like, it hurt so bad and I had to decide whether to spit out the toast. I didn't. You muscled through.
Starting point is 00:43:44 But I put down the rest of the toast I was eating, and I walked around a bit, and, like, blood. Oh, no. So, like, and it's, so I've been peeing all morning. Not blood, but just because I've been. This is kind of a private function. Yeah. Just because I've been drinking so much water to, like, heal my tongue.
Starting point is 00:44:04 Yeah. I guess saliva will heal it. Just because I've been drinking so much water to, like, heal my tongue. Yeah. I guess saliva will heal it. It's a very hard thing because you can't, the tongue gets no time out. Yeah. Tongue is like a parent. Yeah. There's no days off. It's always going.
Starting point is 00:44:14 Yeah. And I, you know, I brush my teeth after because I was eating breakfast at the time. So I brushed my teeth later and it was just pink, pink foam coming out. Oh, no. It is. How did you misjudge tongue to toast? I don't know. Well, I was trying to rap along to a song while I was eating toast.
Starting point is 00:44:35 Parents just don't understand? No, something so fast. M&M or the like. Busta Rhymes. Busta Rhymes. Oh, yeah. Really going for it. It's weird with the kind of chomping motion and that your tongue is so wiggly waggly that
Starting point is 00:44:54 that doesn't happen all the time. Yeah. But also that we chomp like, I don't know. How many times a day do you chomp? 20,000? Yeah. Hold on. Hold on, guys.
Starting point is 00:45:05 I think we need to set some parameters of what is a chew, what is a bite, and what is a chomp. Oh, yeah. That's true. A chomp. Everything's a chomp. Everything's a chomp. Okay, move on. Let's keep going then.
Starting point is 00:45:15 Oh, okay. A bite is the first thing you take in a sandwich, and then you chew it. What's a chomp? A chomp is a bite. A chomp is the first. I feel like a chomp is the finishing move. Oh, a chomp? A chomp is the first. I feel like a chomp is the finishing move. Oh, a chomp is that.
Starting point is 00:45:29 Food isn't like you're not slow. Mortal Kombat? Yeah. It's not like the same size the whole time you chew it and then you just bite its head off.
Starting point is 00:45:39 I mean, it is if you're a shark. But they just do the one chomp. I don't think chomp, bite, and chew I don't think these are all part of it. It could're a shark. But they just do the one chomp. I don't think chomp, bite, and chew, I don't think these are all part of it. It could be a game show. Chomp, bite, or chew.
Starting point is 00:45:51 They show you a piece of fruit. Chomp it. You only have to guess if it's been chomped. Or like, what do you do when you eat an apple? What do you, chomp, bite, or chew it? That's a chomp. Oh, that's a chomp. That's a chomp. What about a banana? Bite it. Bite it. Yeah, you bite a banana. Yeah. So chewing is what you do after you chomp. Oh, that's a chomp. That's a chomp. What about a banana? Bite it.
Starting point is 00:46:05 Bite it. Yeah, you bite a banana. So chewing is what you do after you chomp. Yeah. Okay, okay. Yeah, but yeah. Chomp makes a chomp noise. Chomp.
Starting point is 00:46:17 So yeah, like how many times a day do you chew? You bite, you only bite once for 50 chews. Yeah, but it's crazy that that doesn't happen all the time. You only bite once for 50 chews. Yeah. But it's crazy that that doesn't happen all the time. But it's also crazy that it ever happens, considering how much we eat. Yeah. You're right. You're both ends of the spectrum. Like, over your entire life, you bite your tongue every three months.
Starting point is 00:46:40 Yeah. That's a lot, yeah. Or the inside of your cheek, if you've done that. Oh, boy. Well, once that starts, you can't stop doing it. No. But that's weird. It or the inside of your cheek if you've done that oh boy well once that starts you can't stop doing it no but that's weird
Starting point is 00:46:47 it's like a fringle how did it get in enough or how did I get out enough that it's yeah why is it poking in the mouse business yeah I mean that should be
Starting point is 00:46:58 the last thing that ever happens but happens pretty regularly yeah the other thing that's going on with me is I have girl on the train fever.
Starting point is 00:47:06 Oh. Go on. So, in October, Graham and I did a little tour of Edmonton and Saskatoon. Yeah. And while I was waiting in the Saskatoon airport, I was like, well, you know what? I'll get a trashy airport read. Mm-hmm. And I was like, oh, girl on what? I'll get a trashy airport read. And I was like, oh, Girl on the Train must be good because it's a movie now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:30 Exactly. Like Dick Tracy. Yeah. So I picked that up and I read it, you know, like 60 pages on the plane. Yeah. Short flight, slow reader, a little bit of both. And then I kept reading a little bit every day. I can't read
Starting point is 00:47:49 at home anymore because I just go to sleep. Yeah, yeah. Reading's a real... I consider it a luxury. To have a loungy time where you're like, I'll just read for two hours yeah
Starting point is 00:48:06 an actual book is is intense like not not like a kindle or an ebook because like then you have your ipad your phone you can pick up wherever you left off but now like a book you have to highly carry a like a book with you everywhere yeah you need light It doesn't emit its own light source? Yeah. People look at you like you're weird? But if you have a light source, oh boy. Best way to do it.
Starting point is 00:48:31 Best way to do it. You can read it in the sun. Can't do that with an iPad. Yeah. It's true. You feel comfortable taking it near water. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:48:39 You know, that's a good thing about a book, falls in the water. That's true. That's just a book. That's like a vacation staple is that like, that sandy soft paper book that's a good thing about a book falls in the water. That's true. That's just a book. That's like a vacation staple. Is that like that sandy soft paper book that's just sitting there next to your little area?
Starting point is 00:48:51 You don't want to leave your phone on the beach. I feel like as a youth, I read a lot of Dave Barry's. Oh, sure. At a beach or a poolside. Dave Barry's. Yeah. I don't know Dave Barry's. He was like Dave Barry.
Starting point is 00:49:04 Oh, Dave Barry. Yeah.'t know Dave Barry He was like Dave Barry Oh Dave Barry Yeah He was doing the plural No he was He wrote It was like Completely a thing Of a bicon era
Starting point is 00:49:12 He wrote a humor column In the newspaper A syndicated one Yeah He was from Florida or something Wow his TV show was Yeah
Starting point is 00:49:21 They made a TV show Called Dave's World With Harry Anderson Oh Harry Anderson Yeah Oh my god Now I'm on board I don't know how his TV show was. Yeah. They made a TV show called Dave's World with Harry Anderson. Oh, Harry Anderson. Yeah. Oh, my God. Now I'm on board. I don't care about this award-winning journalist.
Starting point is 00:49:31 Yeah. We're humorous. But that's weird. That it used to be a, that that was a job. But also that they would make a TV show based on a newspaper. Yeah. A newspaper column. I mean, it was very funny.
Starting point is 00:49:44 I think it's weird that harry anderson's not on more tv yeah but then it's also weird that he was on any tv hey come on no no no not but like as a guy whose background was magic magic that he was able to kind of like parlay that into a reoccurring role on cheers, a starring role on Night Court. He was on Saturday Night Live a lot too, I think. Yep. Doing magic? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:09 Huh. It was always like one trick mixed with monologue. He's a star is why he was on TV. Yeah, that's true. He's got it. He burned too bright. Is he? I can't decide whether he's like the most handsome guy or just like sort of a boy next door Ryan Belville type.
Starting point is 00:50:27 Yeah, that's right. That's right. I'm kind of sad that you eliminated me from the most handsome category. Yeah, I'm sad about it. I met Harry Anderson like in passing in New Orleans years ago. He actually owned, I don't think anymore, but he owned like a magic shop out there. That's right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:40 I think he sold after some shit went down there. And spoiler alert, I thought some shit went down literally with the magic stone. Like, oh, we saw the lady in half, we gotta run, we gotta run. This went sideways. But, like, I bumped into him, and I was such a huge Night Court fan when I was a kid. It was the first comedy show that I tuned into every single week when I was a kid. And I couldn't even say anything. I couldn't even be like, I'm a comedian or I'm a huge fan.
Starting point is 00:51:14 It was sort of like, oh, you're Harry Anderson. He's like, yep. And he just disappeared. He just kind of turned into 40 bats and flew away. Yeah, spun away. Yeah, spun away.
Starting point is 00:51:27 Like a batarang. He used hypnotism to make a story about you. So, yeah, then many months went past.
Starting point is 00:51:36 Yes. And then Graham and I went on another tour. We went to Chicago to do a show there. The girl in the train made a reappearance.
Starting point is 00:51:43 I brought the girl on the train back with me. Oh, so you're still just chipping away. From October to February. Sliver at a time. This is a vacation only book. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:55 Well, so I finished it. I didn't finish it on the plane. I thought I would. So I finished it in our Airbnb. Yeah. And I was really excited because then I could finish the book and it was going to be showing on the plane on the flight home. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:12 And let me tell you, it's a very bad movie. How is it as a book? It's fun. Yeah. But as a movie doesn't. I mean. Not finishing one sitting fun. Look.
Starting point is 00:52:22 Like stretch it out over a long time. All the people in it are garbage people sure everyone uh all the men are the worst although the the and the women are the worst too because they need the men right look as i can analyze this as a grown-up and as a leftist uh but uh yeah the book it's it was a movie. Sometimes you're like, oh, this, this, uh, a movie was someone's passion project. And I, I, I looked into the trivia after watching the movie and nobody, it was nobody's passion project. Nobody was like, I want to get this movie made. I read the book.
Starting point is 00:52:59 I loved it so much. It needs to get made. Right. Everyone was just like, oh, I'll be in the movie. Okay. I'm going to go buy the book and read it. No one knew anything about it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:08 People dropped out. Really? Like, it was just one of these movies that, like, we own the property. We have to make it. It's a very successful book.
Starting point is 00:53:19 Everybody's mad about it. We got to go make a movie. But reading the book, I was like, oh, you know what? It takes place in England. Everyone's British. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:27 Maybe Emily Blunt would probably be a good character in this. But in the movie version, Emily Blunt is British, but everyone else is American. It's in America. Huh. Right. But in the, oh, I was telling you this. In the book, she's an alcoholic. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:47 She's drinking cans of wine and cans of this gin and tonic or vodka tonic. Oh, it's like an appraised can. Cans of wine? See, I think it's meant to make her seem like this pathetic drunk, but I'm reading it and I'm like, that sounds so yummy Yeah, a can of wine Just to be able to sit on a train and drink an ice cold gin and tonic out of a can But a can of white wine? Because you get a can and it gets a little colder than non-cans
Starting point is 00:54:21 Yeah, than a box Than a box of wine, You can't chill that enough. Yeah. It's also drinking on a train is a very, that's a very like British pastime. Oh, yeah. Like sitting on the train and drinking is like. I love it. I love the Santa.
Starting point is 00:54:37 High class, low class, everybody does it. Mm-hmm. You have to be of noble birth to compete. Mm-hmm. So that's what I've been up to. I finally made it through the girl on the train. Congratulations. I give the book five stars.
Starting point is 00:54:52 Out of? Five. Oh, that's really good. Yeah, yeah. And the movie? Four and a half stars. Out of? Four and a half.
Starting point is 00:55:00 Wow, okay. I have a weird system. They're both perfect. They're both perfect things and I've done my job. That's what's going on with me. Graham, what's going
Starting point is 00:55:09 on with you, mon frere? I went this past week. I don't go out to a lot of movies anymore just because you know, Netflix
Starting point is 00:55:18 and sitting at home. It's like you're like those other parents that Ryan meets. Yeah. I've always dreamt of seeing a movie in a theater. Theater. Popcorn with strangers.
Starting point is 00:55:31 I went and saw the film and I mostly went and saw it because I didn't want anybody to spoil it for me. It was the film Get Out. Oh, yeah. I really liked it. I really liked it. I would encourage anybody who hasn't seen it, it's worth seeing. Would it give me anxiety? No.
Starting point is 00:55:48 Because I was going to go tomorrow. It's like so, it's tense, but it's so much fun. Okay, good, good, good. But the trailers before were so bad that I leaned over to the person i was with and i was like are we about to see a very dumb movie like because these trailers are dumb movies right and i was like are they is this a warning to like it's weird how they should we get out should we get that's the movie they just show you trailers that are so bad until you get out it's that is weird how they try to like if you see a you know a fancy art movie they'll they'll give you some
Starting point is 00:56:31 they're not going to show you a dumb movie no they're going to try and like also you might go and see a marvel movie they'll have an ad for another blockbuster exactly so i was like very that was the most tense i felt during the whole time was i was like i was what were these trailers yeah what was uh well one the first one was for the latest installment of the fast and the furious is still in the title it's the fate of the furious fate of the furious yeah because it's eight this is the eight so is it f8 of the furious no that is would have been great well yeah call me call me vin but in the trailer first of all uh paul walker's still in them he's not he is noticeably absent charlie's theron is it okay and you're like okay i guess you
Starting point is 00:57:36 get to make three indie movies for every blockbuster every fast and the furious movie i love finn diesel's last art movie, too. Yeah, well. It was so good. A Walk Amongst the Clouds. Oh, yeah. And in the trailer is very, because The Rock, I guess, is part of it. I didn't know that The Rock was part of it. At a certain point, this is The Expendables. Pretty much.
Starting point is 00:58:02 But Jason Statham and The Rock's character, I guess, don't like each other. You stole my haircut. And in my head, I was like, I bet you they make them work together. And then the guy releases them from space jail or wherever they are. And they're like, you guys have to work together. Like their record scratch in the trailer? No way. Ice Cube is in charge for some reason. and there's a scene where they're driving so he's driving a lamborghini in the
Starting point is 00:58:32 arctic and a submarine comes up through the ice so you know it's they're pulling out all the stuff they did there was a point where they switched from from these movies take place in reality to let's just make them bonkers. But why not just go to space then? That's where it's going to end up. Or tunnel into the center of the earth. Because you know what? It might happen. They couldn't take the criticism from Neil deGrasse Tyson saying that wouldn't happen in space.
Starting point is 00:59:01 A Lamborghini in space. What are the wheels rubbing against where's the friction baby yeah yeah there's a friction baby that's a better than ezra reference if you must know no but i just thought of neil degrasse tyson like that's his catchphrase he just calls everybody um yeah so is it okay that i don't like neilGrasse Tyson? Oh, but he's the best. But here's the thing. He's a treasure. I accept science. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:30 I believe everything he's saying. Yeah. I don't think it's cute. Oh, okay. So, you don't find his persona to be. Yeah, no. Like, I believe you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:41 So, you don't have to. Sell it so hard. Yeah, and you don't have to condescend to me. I can't figure out most of the science stuff. Yeah. But so you don't have to. Sell it so hard. Yeah. And you don't have to condescend to me. I, I can't figure out most of the science stuff. Right. Look, I just,
Starting point is 00:59:48 I bite my tongue every day. I, I admitted it. I know I said we do it every three months, but I bite my tongue every day. I'm dumb. I'm a dumb person. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:58 But like you're that space vest you're wearing. Isn't going to fly with me. I love it. It's spaceship of a imagination. What is it to fly with me. I love it. It's a spaceship of imagination. What is a spaceship? In Cosmos, it's always like, travel with me on my spaceship of imagination. This is a terrible Neil deGrasse Tyson,
Starting point is 01:00:16 but it's that tone. No, I was there. We're almost there. It's very, everything's wrought with emotion. He really loves science. He loves science. Which I find endearing. I think more people
Starting point is 01:00:29 should be excited about science. I listen to Star Talk. I've watched all the Cosmos. I'm a huge Degrass head.
Starting point is 01:00:37 Yeah, I watch Re-Talk daily. I'm a huge Degrass head. So that was the first trailer. Okay. How many are there?
Starting point is 01:00:44 Three. Okay. No, I think we should all just so it's not like an attack. We should all list Huge Degrassi head. So that was the first trailer. How many are there? Three. I think we should all, just so it's not like an attack, we should all list at least one scientist we hate. Oh, sure, yeah. Have I already done mine? You got Neil Degrassi.
Starting point is 01:00:57 I don't hate him. Just chill out. Okay, well, it's the one that you just don't like that much. Galileo. Galileo. Yeah. Because I don't like what he? Galileo. Galileo? Yeah. Because I don't like what he did to the church. I don't like how he makes
Starting point is 01:01:09 them look bad. Undermine the church? Who's a science? I heard Bill Nye can be quite prickly. Yeah, I imagine him to be very prickly. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:19 I'm going to take him. Don't hand him, guys. Those are the only famous ones. Those are the only two famous neil's boar yeah oh stephen hawking he's faking for sure there you go see we did it there we go you didn't think we could do it no i like him what was the stephen hawking movie called uh oh with um eddie redmayne yeah that how about eddie redmayne that's a guy I don't like. Oh, boy. Yeah. Did you watch? I started to watch a bit of Fantastic Beasts on the plane.
Starting point is 01:01:48 I'm like, this is just dumb. This is dumb even for a Harry Potter thing. Yeah. But, like, you know how Charlize Theron does three independent movies and then Fast and the Furious? Eddie Redmayne, He's only going for Oscar Every time Yeah Let's see
Starting point is 01:02:07 Stephen Hawking Or What was the one where He was a lady I don't know The girl The girl on the train The girl on the train
Starting point is 01:02:16 Yep Eddie Redmayne was great in that He played the train The lady train Surprise twist Lady train It was said in the Thomas the Tank universe. Extended universe.
Starting point is 01:02:32 Anyway, I won't see any of Eddie Redmayne's movies. Have you mentioned the next movie yet? The next movie, I can't remember the title of it, but it's basically a female version of kind of like The Hangover. Like, we're a bunch of gals and we're going on a trip. Oh, Ocean's 8. Yeah, it was Ocean's 8, but all ladies. Who's in it?
Starting point is 01:02:55 All ladies. Ocean's 8 is all ladies. Oh, is Ocean's 8 all ladies? Yeah. Oh, okay. No, it's, I don't know. I didn't recognize a lot of the actresses. Okay.
Starting point is 01:03:04 It was dumb. It was dumb. It looked dumb. Yeah, like there was a thing they go to. Maybe it's New Orleans. Maybe it's Las Vegas. I don't know. But Harry Anderson was there. Yeah, Harry Anderson's there.
Starting point is 01:03:15 The big centerpiece of the trailer was a woman. She needs to pee. And they're like, just go on the zip line and then pee after and then she gets stuck on the zip line in the middle of the street and she pees on everybody and i was like we should go this is this is gonna be the worst movie okay how would that even happen that's like you're trying to force such a premise like how do we get her to pee on people and like ziplines don't break down yeah gravity
Starting point is 01:03:47 as Newton said Newtonian love was she like was she naked like why weren't her pants pulling the pee in well she's wearing maybe a mini skirt oh sure you would zipline oh yeah that's true I mean it would actually probably feel really nice the pee in. Well, she's wearing maybe a mini skirt. Oh, sure. You would zipline in that. Oh, yeah. That's
Starting point is 01:04:05 true. It would actually probably feel really nice. Yeah. To get peed on? No, no. Yeah. To zipline in a skirt. Yeah. Whenever I'm watching ladies tennis, I always think that
Starting point is 01:04:21 would be nice just to play tennis with a skirt. Yeah. Oh, that's true. A lot of airflow. It is weird, though, with a skirt. Yeah. Oh, that's a lot of airflow. It is weird though that they only wear skirts. Like there's no, none of them wear shorts. Is that a rule? I don't know. Huh. I think a lot of them are sponsored by Nike or Adidas and they only make
Starting point is 01:04:38 skirts for women. Huh. Yeah, but yeah, how come, why can't guys get in on this? Yeah. When's men's day? When is it? I can't guys get in on this? Yeah. When's men's day? Wait a minute. I can't believe they made an all-women's. Let me take that again. I can't believe they made an all-women's hangover. That totally ruined my mid-twenties.
Starting point is 01:05:01 Yeah. my mid-twenties. Yeah. And then the third trailer was for a movie starring Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn
Starting point is 01:05:14 as a mother and daughter duo on vacation. Great. Great setup. Oh, great setup. And then there's a couple
Starting point is 01:05:22 good jokes right at the beginning of the trailer. And then it's like the trailer forgot what movie they were promoting. And there's no more jokes in the rest of the trailer. And it becomes an action movie? What? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:37 Because they get kidnapped. And then they've got to fight their way out of the kidnapping. That sounds good. Yeah, I mean, it does sound good. It doesn't sound as dumb as the rest. sounds good yeah i mean it does sound good i think i'm selling it too well i kind of want to see a goalie hawn action movie well not since bird on a wire i was gonna say just rent yourself bird on a wire there we go we're synced up like two birds on a sandwich damn it god damn, Neil. You and your goddamn space vest. That space vest is too tight.
Starting point is 01:06:09 It's not letting enough blood get to your brain. I think that's actually how the shadow hypnotized people. Space vest? Just stare into my space vest. But then, yeah, Get Out was really good. But those trailers, trailers man I was like oh boy and maybe
Starting point is 01:06:30 the Amy Schumer one will be funny but whoever was cutting that trailer obviously was and maybe you're gonna be the one to save me
Starting point is 01:06:37 and after all you're my wonder wall oh yeah oh yeah we got some guitars here you guys let's do it guys yeah so that's that's me.
Starting point is 01:06:48 Should we move on to another bit of business? Bit of business. Bit of business. Business time. Doing some business. Here it comes. Business time. Is that all right?
Starting point is 01:07:04 That was great. So, as you heard at the top of the show, this is Max Fun Drive Week 1. And, you know, we want you to, if you're thinking about becoming a donor or upgrading your current donation, now's the time. What could be a better time than during the drive that's meant to for you to do that and now we will list the goodies you get if you donate that's right and these are for uh these aren't for a one-time donation these are for people who are signing up for the first time or upgrading their donation yeah these are for monthly donors. Yeah, and these are some pretty swell prizes. If you're currently a donator or a tornado, then get out of the way. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:52 Because it's a windy in here. Oh, absolutely. Is it windy in here or is it just me? Oh. Really, I breathed in too much air there. Well, that's a tornado for you. Now, Dave, what do you get if you're a $5 per month donator? Everyone who is a donor, who is even a non-upgrading donor, gets all of the bonus content.
Starting point is 01:08:18 Every year, we do one or two bonus episodes that are available to donors only. We have a new one this year where we watch music videos. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. All of our past donor-only episodes are available to you as well. That's, I don't know, six or seven years of bonus content for you. And every other show on the MaxFun Network, all their bonus episodes as well. Yeah, and then if you're a $10 per month donor, you get all that, what Dave just described. And you get a Drive exclusive enamel pin designed by Megan Lynn Cott.
Starting point is 01:08:54 There's a different design for every MaxFun show. You pick your favorite. It's this show. Yeah. This is your favorite show. You like the one with this enamel pin. Look. Look. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:07 I don't. Do I own Every Stop Podcasting Yourself bit of merchandise? I think I probably do. Yeah. This is the one I'm looking forward to the most. I want to get that pin. It's a little flannel shirt that says SPY on it. Perfect.
Starting point is 01:09:21 And then you move on. Maybe you've got twenty dollars per month just kicking around in the old in the old change purse uh so what you get with that you get the everything at the five dollar per month you get everything at the ten dollar per month and you get the twenty dollar per month keep in touch kit what's in this kit uh nine custom note cards plus envelopes three encouraging designs designed by brian sunny d fernandez you know brian sunny d fernandez from his contributions to jordan jesse go yeah he laughs uh you can get a four color rocket pen remember those four color pens oh remember them I still use them to this very day.
Starting point is 01:10:05 But this one's shaped like a rocket. Pretty good. Put it in your pocket. Mm. A getting there rocket stamp. A rocket shaped candle. Are you sentencing a theme? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:15 Butt plugs. And, you know, this is meant to inspire you in your correspondence. Keeping in touch is an art, I would say. A lost art, go out there and find it. If you donate at the $35 per month level, oh boy, you get all that. You get the $5 stuff.
Starting point is 01:10:36 Yeah. You get the $10 enamel pin. You get the $20 keep in touch kit. And you get this $35 per month pair of rocket engraved beer mugs.
Starting point is 01:10:48 Oh boy. Pour a tall frosty one in there why don't you? Pour that in your pocket. And then pour it on me. And they're real nice. They're real handsome
Starting point is 01:10:56 beer mugs. Oh sure. And then if you're one of these crazy bigwigs downtown trendsetter. Downtown
Starting point is 01:11:03 Julie Brown. Yeah. Jet set. And get wet. Wrecks and effects. If you're given at the $100 per month level, you get all of that. And the membership in the Inner Circle, which is a monthly culture club. And it's not like the culture club that Boy George was a part of.
Starting point is 01:11:24 And it's not like the Inner club that uh a boy george was and it's not like the inner circle that sang a song as well oh i was thinking the inner circle from uh maybe uh uh meet the parents um you know the trust circle uh-huh anyways you get sent specially picked items movies books, comic books things that have been picked by Maximum Fun. Yeah, you might get
Starting point is 01:11:55 the theme from Cops, Bad Boys which is a song by Inner Circle. Ah, there you go, you got it. You might get Sweat Girl, I Want To Make You Sweat by Inner Circle. Thatat. By Inner Circle? That's also by Inner Circle. Or you might just get, you know, the crying game theme by Boris George, who's a member of Inner Circle. Inner Circle.
Starting point is 01:12:12 No. No, he's a member of my Inner Circle. Oh, cool. And at the $200 per month donation level. You get all of that. Yes. And free registration for MaxFunCon 2018. Guys, the time to give is now.
Starting point is 01:12:32 Yeah, if you've been thinking about it, it's as easy as going over to MaximumFun.org, click on Donate, figure out what membership level you feel you can cut. And I know money's not easy you know tell me about it yeah it never sleeps okay uh it talks the talk yeah what else does money do uh slippery it's slippery money's so slippery is that an expression uh but uh you know if you have the ability to donate uh that's fantastic. And we appreciate that. If you don't, we're still here for you, bud. Yeah, bud.
Starting point is 01:13:10 Yeah. Hey, champ. Yeah. Look, we love making the show. We know you love listening to it. We've been doing this for nine years now. Oh, yeah. And we're very appreciative that we get to still do it.
Starting point is 01:13:22 And we get to make a little bit of money at it. Yeah. We'd like to make a little bit more. Hey, guys. Hey. Head over to MaximumFun.org. Click on Donate. It's the time.
Starting point is 01:13:32 Now's the time. Get yourself a little pin. Yeah, do it now while it's on your mind. Super easy. And you know what? Why don't we get back to the old show? Yeah, let's do some Overheard. Overheard. Overheard. It's the segment in which we hear things out there
Starting point is 01:13:48 in the world and then we come back here in the safety of our own tomb and uh we share them don't raid my tomb and uh we always like to start with the guests yes yeah will you lead the charge sure sure sure um so i'm staying at a hotel in van Vancouver. And hotels, it's often like a parade of different groups of people. Like there's, right now I think there's a bunch of young athletes. Oh, yeah. So supple. Supple young athletes. Flipping around in the lobby.
Starting point is 01:14:16 Yeah, just showing off. Just showing off. Yeah. And the, and last night there was just like, I don't know what they did. Like usually like, Oh, there's a group of plumbers or a group of doctors or, or a hockey team.
Starting point is 01:14:29 This was, there was a group of like 50 year old kind of creepy large men. And I don't know what they did, but they were all well over six foot tall. They were all big, big guys and they all looked kind of grumpy and, but they were clearly a group. So I ended up getting in an elevator. And I was there.
Starting point is 01:14:45 And then this group of like four guys ran up the elevator. And all I heard as they were coming in was one guy was going, yeah, this place used to just be swimming in hookers. Just swimming in hookers. And then the other guys got kind of quiet like this is probably not good elevator conversation with a stranger. And then they started like trying to i don't remember what they were doing but distract him and he's like yeah hooker's just swimming in it and like he kind of got like stuck on this point and then i'm like i gotta get out of here but that was the weirdest thing like he just he was just like especially the swimming
Starting point is 01:15:19 i like that they tried to distract him like they brought out there's some shiny keys. Yeah, and it wasn't like he clearly wanted a prostitute. I mean, I could get that much. Oh, that's, I didn't gather that.
Starting point is 01:15:30 I think it was more like a gross 50 year old guy. Yeah, that checked. Yeah, and he was like wanting a prostitute. I thought he wanted
Starting point is 01:15:37 to go to the pool. Swimming. Swimming with hookers. Yeah. Reenact a Free Willy moment where they dive out of the water and you touch their underbelly. And now you're free to go. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:51 I thought snuggling was weird. I always love, like, was it two years in a row you went to Edmonton? Because I was there once and it was swimming with women's World Cup soccer players. Yeah. And bodybuilders. Bodybuilders. Bodybuilders. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:09 And then you went back the next year and it was swimming with bodybuilders. Bodybuilders. Again. The same hotel? Yeah, I think it must be a convention. Do they have a good gym there? Yeah. Best gym in town at the Robata.
Starting point is 01:16:21 It's actually one broken Bowflex, but he's really huge. It's actually a spotter's convention, but they have to have the muscle people. Best gym in town. Dave, you have one over here? Mine is something I overheard from a television ad. In our cable package, we get some East Coast channels, so we can watch. I can watch James Corden at 9.30. And then again at 11. At 12.30.
Starting point is 01:16:49 Yeah. That's good. I get two Cordens a night. Yeah. And by the end, I'm just like so sung out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And laughed.
Starting point is 01:16:59 Oh, yeah. But I was watching, and I guess this was an ad for something. It was an East Coast station, and it was an ad for these couples trips in the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania. And it said, Pocono Mountain couples trips. Plenty of whining, dining, and cloud-nining. They were like, the rhyme scheme is a classic rhyme scheme everyone's gonna think i mean cloud nining implies 69 yeah absolutely with an angel oh sure swimming with angels swimming this place used to be swimming with angels uh miming you could have done miming. Wining, dining, and miming? Mining.
Starting point is 01:17:47 Oh, mining. Yeah. That still implies 69. Brining. You could be, you know. Salting your meats. Yeah, making your Swiss chalet pretty juicy. Salting your meats sounds like a euphemism for that. Totally. You want to go upstairs and salt those meats?
Starting point is 01:18:03 No, I have a headache. I feel bloated You wanna ruin the sheets By salting the meats Graham Yes Over Herd Mine is
Starting point is 01:18:13 Me An overseen Daddy An overseen Of the kids Do The Darnest
Starting point is 01:18:21 Darnest things This was a little kid I was walking up the street and it was a little tiny kid, you know, just I think Margo's age. Like compared to a grasshopper. Oh, over knee high. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:18:34 Yeah. And the kid was running very excited, wanted to show her mom something in a little pink parka. Adorable. Adorable. She's like like you know kind of like waving like come on follow me and then stops in front of a bodega and points at a potato that's the thing i love potatoes yeah little irish kid come on mom like from my favorite youtube videos hours of potato videos margo's
Starting point is 01:19:10 big thing lately is calling uh anything she anything she doesn't really understand it's a funny guy well that's like this funny guy and just like if anything has a weird face it's a funny guy and as someone who makes comedy it uh some of it worries me like we were walking the other day and there's a plane flying in the air and she's funny that's not funny it's just a plane killing me kid yeah but you know put it through the margo filter see you know hilarious yeah exactly oh yeah and if she points at a plane and says, funny, that's the first step to becoming a stand-up comedian.
Starting point is 01:19:48 It really is. Because it's the plane jokes. There's airplane peanuts. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Ripe with material. Also, the one thing you don't notice
Starting point is 01:19:56 until you're out walking with a two-year-old. It's how tiny those seats are on the plane. Until you're walking with a two-year-old. How many planes fly by? Oh, sure. She points out
Starting point is 01:20:07 every one. Oh, yeah. I tune them out. Sky litter. Thank you. Sky litter. We don't need them. Now, we also have overheard sent into us from people around the world. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to sby at maximum
Starting point is 01:20:23 fun dot org. And this first one comes from Christy the world. If you want to send one in, you can send it into sby at maximumfun.org And this first one comes from Christy in Tampa. Way down there in the panhandle. Is it? I don't know. What are your big panhandle states? Florida. Oh yeah. Texas? Alaska?
Starting point is 01:20:41 Oklahoma. Those are all the panhandles. This has been brought to you by Panhandle So My husband and I Were going to Go on cloud nineing I hope We were going to register our son
Starting point is 01:21:00 For kindergarten and ran into a bunch of teens And tweens headed to the nearby middle school Among them a lanky fellow, maybe 13, all elbows and knees and hustle. Pretty good describing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the girl on the train. Five stars.
Starting point is 01:21:16 He puts his phone in front of his face and says into it urgently, how to say hello in Klingon. Where's he headed? On a date. Have you been to the Klingon section at the bookstore?
Starting point is 01:21:31 Is it big? I don't know. I don't know if I was in the Klingon section or the Shakespeare section. But they had Klingon Shakespeare stuff. Klingon Hamlet. No, really? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:45 Anything to sell a thing. There's a Klingon Hamlet. Yeah. No, really? Yeah. Anything to sell a thing. Is that there's a Klingon word for bodkin? Huh? What's that? What's a bodkin? What isn't a bodkin? Well, it's an English word for bodkin. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:56 It's a dagger. Oh. Bear bodkin to my chest. Isn't it Juliet? The knife is a bodkin. Who's this Juliet? Louis? Juliet Louis Dreyfus.
Starting point is 01:22:10 Juliet Louis Dreyfus. That's a great name for a band. Juliet Louis Dreyfus. I think there's probably a Klingon word for it. They're very warlike. Yeah, they've got bodkins galore. They've got all kinds of bodkins. Maybe bodkin is a Klingon word.
Starting point is 01:22:25 Sounds pretty good. Ah, aha. Aha. And you can also, you can get all sorts of, you know, like the history of Klingon. Like anything to sell books to. Is that even that popular still though? I doubt it. What, Star Trek?
Starting point is 01:22:42 I mean that. That's an aging Populous of nerd That wing of Star Trek I think is Is Oh it'll come back Yeah They'll make another movie
Starting point is 01:22:52 Or another Whatever I just don't think The Klingons They were big In the next generation Right Oh yeah
Starting point is 01:22:57 Worf We've had Blazed a trail Took it to the next Generation so to speak Of Klingon fans That's right He blazed a trail So that other Klingons could follow him.
Starting point is 01:23:06 Yeah, he was the original five head. This next one comes from Angie in Minneapolis. I was giving a venue tour to a potential client who brought her two young kids along. After the tour, I shook hands with both kids, and as they walked out the door, the little boy said loudly to me, You smell like a tree. No, a gingerbread man. High praise. That's pretty nice.
Starting point is 01:23:31 The best smells. That's pretty nice. Yeah. What a nice smelling lady. Yeah, really. Both a tree and a gingerbread man. Like if a kid starts with you smell like. That's going to go bad. Well, if my Hansel and Gretel knowledge is deep, is he saying she smells like a witch? Oh, yeah, in a forest?
Starting point is 01:23:53 Yeah, you smell like gingerbread in the forest. Yeah. Danger. Yeah. But you know what? Those kids never knew until it was too late. No, that would be delightful. What happens?
Starting point is 01:24:01 Oh, the kid puts out a stick, and then the lady thinks that the kid's too skinny, and so they feed them a lot. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Like, grabs the kid because she's got bad eyesight. Yeah, the witch has bad eyesight. Okay, let's go through. Is that the Twits?
Starting point is 01:24:15 Isn't that the Twits? No, that's Hansel and Gretel. Is it Hansel and Gretel? Yeah, because Hansel and Gretel go, they go to the gingerbread house. So, wait, how does it start? They're at home with their single father? No, their parents lead them into the forest and abandon them. Oh.
Starting point is 01:24:29 Yeah, it's a very dark story. He wants them to die, and then they follow. No, the breadcrumbs come later, I think. Breadcrumbs is how they find their way home. Yeah. Yeah, but who dropped the breadcrumbs? Anyways. Didn't the birds eat the breadcrumbs? Oh, yeah, that's right. Birds ate the breadcrumbs Anyways Didn't the birds eat the breadcrumbs
Starting point is 01:24:45 Oh yeah That's right Birds ate the breadcrumbs And all I know is that they Um They end up murdering A little old lady Mmhmm
Starting point is 01:24:53 They push her into an oven Oh okay She doesn't eat them No but Does she choke them She wants to eat them Well yeah Who doesn't
Starting point is 01:24:59 Yeah it's true They're chubby little eggs Yeah Put a little Swiss Chalet sauce on there They don't get eaten And then they Like a a huntsman comes and chops open her stomach. No, that's Red Riding. Same forest, though? Yeah, same forest.
Starting point is 01:25:13 You shouldn't go in that forest. It's a lesson. Keep out of the woods. No, but it smells so good. Yeah, it smells like a lady. This last one comes from Jason D. in Champaign, Illinois. Jason Derulo. In one of our, I work at an escape room.
Starting point is 01:25:35 What? Work is work. Yeah, that's true. In one of our games, there's a puzzle where the players have to find the symbol for the astrological sign Capricorn. You know, a goat. The other day, while running the game, after the clue for the puzzle was presented to the group, one of the members of the team said,
Starting point is 01:25:51 Capricorn, which one's that? Aquarius? So, yeah, they probably didn't win. What does Aquarius look like? Waters? Yeah. How many of the 12 could we do? I bet you I could name them. Pisces is the lobster?
Starting point is 01:26:04 Fish. Fish. Cancer is the crab. Cancer name them. Pisces is the lobster. Fish. Fish. Cancer is the crab. Cancer is the crab. Cancer is the crab. Is there a lobster too? There's no lobster. Is there surf and surf?
Starting point is 01:26:14 Sagittarius is the... Like the grumpy guy. The grumpy guy with the high pants. He's the whatever, horseman. What is it called? I'm one. Oh, it called? I'm one. Oh, a unicorn? No.
Starting point is 01:26:28 A manicorn. Manicorn. Manicorn. Thank you. Taurus, the bull. Taurus is a Ford. Yeah. It's actually a Ford Probe.
Starting point is 01:26:38 Leo's a lion. Virgo is a virgin. Just a dizzy person. Yeah. Really dizzy. Just somebody who doesn't like the labia majora that's the uh outer circle of stars yeah yeah yeah and you know what fellas don finally there's the bishop
Starting point is 01:27:06 and the bishop the lady and the friar yeah oh there's Tinker Taylor Soldier
Starting point is 01:27:13 Spy there's the mother the father yeah Rosemary's age the Holy Ghost the priest guys
Starting point is 01:27:20 yeah in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you would like to call us boy do i have a number for you it's right here in front of me so i'm going to read it for you because i have it memorized wait that doesn't make sense it's here and the number is this one one eight four four seven seven nine seven six three one 844-779-7631. That is one. Ugh.
Starting point is 01:27:45 SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham and probable guests. This is Tess calling from Chicago with an overheard. I was just in line at Target, and the woman in front of me in line had a baby with her, and we had a real chatty cashier who decided to ask her who asked what the baby's name was and the mom said oh her name is Sawyer um our our my husband and I are both English teachers so we wanted to name her after one of our favorite characters and um
Starting point is 01:28:17 the cashier looks back at her she's probably like 19 or so the cashier and she says oh that's so cool yeah you know, my sister just had a baby and she named it after one of her favorite characters too. And the mom said, Who'd she name her after? And the cashier just goes, Anakin. From literature.
Starting point is 01:28:40 Anakin's House of Panikin. Yeah. Oh, Sawyer. Sawyer. And Anakin, good friends. Sawyer. I thought she was, yeah, maybe thought that it was Sawyer like the sauce. Or Sawyer from Lost.
Starting point is 01:28:56 Favorite character from Lost. Sawyer like the sauce. Oh, well, my sister really likes sauces. My husband and I Are both really into sauces So we named our daughter Swiss Shella Whose favorite character Is Anakin
Starting point is 01:29:10 Like from Star Wars I know right I've heard that Well he's Darth Vader Yeah but You should just name Your kid Darth
Starting point is 01:29:17 Yeah I know but there's Also Darth Maul Darth Sidious Yeah It's a very common name It is A lot of
Starting point is 01:29:24 Darth is the mic Of the Star Wars world. I think it's like Mr. Yeah. Oh, is it? It's a title, Darth. I think it's a title, but I don't think it's quite as common as Mr. Is it an honorific or is it like... What's an honorific?
Starting point is 01:29:37 Is it like a title that a university gives you? Like doctor, professor? Yeah, like because you built a pet store. Darth William H. Cosby. Here's your next phone call. Hey Dave, Graham, and Schrodinger's guest. I just finished my weekly Vancouver
Starting point is 01:29:55 Dodgeball League game, and as I was getting into my car, I overheard a group of other dodgeballers across the street, and I guess they were telling, like, what do you call this jokes to each other because one of the guys
Starting point is 01:30:12 goes, I hear him say, what do you call what do you call a big bitch? And the rest of them all just laughed like they got it. Like it was a joke that made sense. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:30:30 Maybe don't call them at all if they're such a bitch. Or Helen. I'd call her Helen. Oh, Stan. Yeah. You still married to Helen? We don't usually talk about our lives outside of dodgeball. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:30:43 Maybe it was a group of people with like head injuries and they're trying to actually have recall. What do you call certain things? What do you call a big fish? What do you call that tiny brush you use in your mouth? Toothbrush. And then they laugh hilariously. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:30:57 Yeah. What? What is it? Is dodgeball a good sport for brain injuries? It can be a good one. Do you do below the waist only? No, not below the waist. That's where all the valuables are.
Starting point is 01:31:10 When I was a kid, you weren't allowed to throw it above the waist. Oh, we weren't. Oh, that was encouraged. Yeah, I think I remember. That's maybe why I like dodgeball so much. Because I never got one in the face. My gym teacher threw a ball and it caught somebody in the face. Did he?
Starting point is 01:31:25 Yeah. I feel like that's something. I went to a glasses-heavy elementary school. Yeah, yeah. It was Our Lady of the Thick Lenses. Our Lady of Stigmatism. Yeah. Here's your final overheard.
Starting point is 01:31:44 Hi, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is Christian Muse in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Here's your final overheard Hi Dave Graham And possible guests This is Christian Mews in Halifax, Nova Scotia I was in the mall today And on my way out Passed by the lottery Ticket counter And
Starting point is 01:31:59 The woman there She had like a congregation of people around her. I don't know, it was like probably about eight people huddled around her and they were talking about something.
Starting point is 01:32:10 As they passed by, I overheard her saying to them, you know, well, Terry says a lot of things. Global warming? That's Terry's problem.
Starting point is 01:32:20 Well, we've got to deal with this Terry. Yeah, I mean, it is Terry's problem, but it's all of our. Yeah, yeah. Well, i mean it is terry's problem yeah but it's all of our yeah yep well you think it's just terry's problem like i want to do my part but i think terry needs
Starting point is 01:32:34 to pick up the slack yeah he's gonna step it up first if he if i'm doing work and terry's not then it's just it's a pointless yeah it's neutral it becomes yeah it's mutual yeah it was carbon neutral cloud nine neutral uh what's it called when uh when a cow doesn't have an opinion what do you call uh like uh that uh i was gonna do a a little brush for your teeth. I couldn't think of another. It's called toothbrush. Okay.
Starting point is 01:33:12 Well, that does bring us to the end of the show. Ryan, thank you so much. Guys, what a treat. Yeah. What an absolute treat. Yeah, it's mooch. It's mooch treats. It's moot and mooch. Do you have anything coming up in...
Starting point is 01:33:25 Oh, no. Here we go. Sore spot city. People can go to ryanbelvel.com or follow me on social media. I post my tour dates. And you use your name on those things? I mostly... At Ryan Belvel?
Starting point is 01:33:37 At Ryan Belvel, yeah. And then the Working Moms on CBC. That's a TV show you're on? That's a TV show. Do you play a husband? I play a husband. A dad. A dad.
Starting point is 01:33:50 What's your character's name? Lionel. Lionel? Yeah. Lionel on Working Moms. Yeah, I could be a Lionel. Why not? So I'm on that right now.
Starting point is 01:33:57 Can we speak to Lionel? Yes, please. One second. One second. Car. Was it a tough day at work, my lover? What be I making for my working lass? Bold choices were always Ryan Belville's good.
Starting point is 01:34:12 Canadian Screen Award. I can taste it. I can taste it, guys. And as we have said a couple times during this podcast, this is our Max Fun Drive 2017. Look, listeners, we may not agree. You might love
Starting point is 01:34:31 Neil deGrasse Tyson. Yeah, you may think that global warming is all of our problems and not just Terry's. You might think Eddie Redmayne is, like, very talented and doesn't try to go for an award in a terrible movie every time. He's not a scene muncher.
Starting point is 01:34:49 Scene chomper, am I right? But you know what? We can all agree that if you love the show and you got a little dosh, why not support your favorite show? Does dosh mean money? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, give me a little dosh. I mean, if I'm hungry, give me a little Dosh.
Starting point is 01:35:06 Yeah, and we don't want Dosh.0. We want Dosh.5 dollars a month. Yeah, there you go. Dosh.10 dollars a month. One more time, some of the things you can get with your Dosh. Five dollars a month, you get exclusive bonus content. Ten dollars per month, you get the content, and you get the enamel pin designed by Megan Lynn Cott. And ours is a little, it's like a plaid shirt.
Starting point is 01:35:33 A little flannel shirt with SPY on it. But that's the thing I want the most. Yeah, that's very cool. $20 a month, you get all that, plus you get the keep in touch kit that we went over earlier. $35 a month, you get all that, plus you get the keep in touch kit that we went over earlier. $35 a month, you get all that, plus a bag of chips. That's not true. No. But you do get a pair of rock engraved beer mugs. $100
Starting point is 01:35:53 per month. Guys, I mean... Blow us out of the water. Yeah. All that, plus membership in the inner circle, our monthly culture club where you get something sent to you every month, and $200 per month. You get all that plus free registration to Max Fund Con 2018. And if you've ever thought about donating or becoming a donor, now is the time.
Starting point is 01:36:18 All you have to do is head over to MaximumFund.org, click on donate, select the membership level that is right for you you put in your credit card some other information you bleep it you bloop it ding dong but uh if you're thinking about doing it now is the time and uh yeah we love making the show you love listening to the show we'd love it if you could support us maximumfun.org click on donate bingo bango bongo and if you love the show uh you should head over to MaximumFun.org anyways. Check out the blog recap. Pictures and videos related to the content of this podcast.
Starting point is 01:36:51 Yeah, sure. The girl on the train. Yeah, Transformers. What's Transformers? Yeah, I pronounced the B in it. Oh, I don't think so. What? It's not like beachcombers.
Starting point is 01:37:05 What else did we talk about? Chomping? Chomping? Chomping. The Fate of the Furious trailer. Oh, sure. I had one, too. I can't remember what it was.
Starting point is 01:37:19 And if you like the show, consider donating. And please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.

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