Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 500
Episode Date: October 16, 2017For the 500th episode, we go guestless and talk lobster rolls and Rambo, sing a song, and hear calls from some of your favourites....
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 500 of Stuff Podcasts to Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who I is the only man that I would do 500 of anything with.
Mr. Dave Schumke.
What about press-ups?
Yep, 500 press-ups, 500 pull-downs.
We did see 500 Days of Summer together.
I would walk 500 miles with you.
Yeah, I watched the movie 300 with you one and two-thirds times.
Maybe there was a Billy Crystal movie called 500 Sundays.
Really?
Something like that.
Some amount of Sundays.
This is basically 500 Sundays, except we release these on Monday afternoons.
500 Monday afternoons.
Uh-huh, with Maury.
Yeah.
Povich.
Guys, listeners, hello. Thank you for listening.
If it's your first time listening, don't listen to this one.
Yeah, yeah.
This, I think, this episode is going to be a little self-referential.
Yeah.
A little navel-gazy.
Sure.
Go back last week, even.
Yeah, last week was a real blast with a regular guest, favorite guest, Mr. Brent Butt.
Or, you know, take a breather and listen to next week's episode.
Sure. I like the episodes in the 380s. or, you know, take a breather and listen to next week's episode.
Sure.
I like the episodes in the 380s.
There are a lot of good ones there.
Yeah, the 380s was a nice vintage.
That was right when we hit our 10,000 hours.
And then... Not a lot of people know.
We started this show in the dingy clubs of Hamburg, Germany.
Yeah, yeah.
And we both wanted to be DJs.
And there were no DJs at the time.
And so we thought this was DJing.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, we wanted to be like DJ AM, the late DJ AM.
Yeah, yeah.
His music lives on um but uh so we we just found these microphones really they were shrapnel from the war yeah yeah our first toys were shrapnel from
the blitz don't you know and uh and you know we worked our way up through the... Was it Hamburg?
Hamburg.
Yeah, we went to Hamburg.
Yeah, the Hamburg club scene.
Robble, robble.
Yeah, yeah.
And then we came to America.
And then somehow we ended up in Canada.
Oh, we dodged the draft.
Yeah.
We didn't realize when we landed in America that they had a draft.
But it was the NFL draft.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We were like, too concussion concussiony too concussed they made a movie about it starring kevin costner uh draft day
draft day and they made a movie about it starring will smith right uh what's uh the will smith one
concussion concussion right he's uh he make now only makes movies that are bad looking.
Oh, okay.
I was going to say Oscar bait, but.
Well, what was the one where it's him and it looks like one of those Gary Marshall star studded ones that goes from.
St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah.
Except it's like, you know, a quarter of happiness or something.
Yeah.
And that movie, when I read the synopsis of what it was.
And we don't know the name of it still.
No, but I know the exact one you're talking about.
The poster has his face big.
Yeah.
You know, other people's, like, Kate Beckinsale
and, like, I don't know, Katherine Heigl
are all in his shirt.
And they're not,
they're not tiny little people
who've been drugged down and live in his shirt.
They're not ghosts that haunt his torso.
It's like a crazy...
They try and frame him and make him...
They try to gaslight Will Smith in the movie.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, he's like an executive at an ad firm or something like that.
Because I thought from what I gathered of just the soft lighting of it,
I thought he was some magic guy who gave them all,
made them all realize the beauty of life.
Collateral beauty.
Nice.
Yes.
What was the one?
Collateral damage.
He also was in one about a kidney or a liver or organs or something.
That was a different movie.
The Brain.
It was called Concussion.
That was the organ.
And he was in that one with Margot Robbie called Focus.
Oh, yeah.
That looked like it was maybe, I thought it was going to be a TV miniseries or something.
It looked like it was shot in Toronto, like on the Rookie Blues set.
But that's not why we're here.
We're here to celebrate us.
Yeah.
And our thing that we did.
This is us.
So, do you want to get to know us?
Mm-hmm.
Get to know us.
Now, Graham. Yes, sir. Episode 500. Yeah. get to know us now graham yes episode 500 yeah i brought these tiny little bottles of uh it's a
nuts not champagne no it's a sparkling wine it says so right on the prosecco this is what we
had at my wedding yeah were you at my wedding i was did you drink champagne i did well then this
will be fun for you yeah absolutely um that was a really uh
that was a really fun wedding thank you i don't know how to take this off this isn't
is it all gonna pop off with this because we got these mini bottles of prosecco yeah i think i
think if we just oh oh i didn't bring a towel or anything. Oh. Oh. Oh.
It doesn't pop at all.
It's just a screw.
Yeah.
Well, cheers.
Yeah, cheers.
To nine and a half years.
Ooh.
Not bubbly.
But it's nice, though.
And I will.
I will be drinking some of this and coffee.
Yeah.
Cause this is an 11 a.m.
Recording.
Hmm.
No,
it's just like drinking wine.
What's the point without the bubbles?
Um,
I,
uh,
I don't very often drink wine.
So this is a novelty for me.
Sure.
It's a little sweeter than regular wine.
I think.
Yeah,
this is,
this is a new food for me.
So what's going on? Well, before
we get going on that, I want
to thank everyone who's listened to all
500 episodes, or even anyone who's
listened to one episode.
Thanks to everyone who's been with us over the years,
written a nice comment to us.
Yeah.
People who followed us over to
our debut album. Yeah.
And even those who didn't,
you know what?
Yeah.
Bless your heart.
And you know what?
We might have something else you can follow us over to in a few weeks.
Um,
and,
uh,
yeah.
And also,
uh,
thanks,
you know,
to,
uh,
our maximum fun overlords,
uh,
and our maximum fun underlings and our under things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, thanks to, uh, yeah. anybody who sent us sexy underthings over the years.
I'm wearing one right now.
I feel like a million bucks.
A lot of people send us women's underwear they bought out of a Japanese vending machine.
And we appreciate it.
Yeah, yeah.
and we appreciate it.
Yeah, yeah.
And also, you know,
thank you, Dave,
for all the great work, you know.
Week in, week out.
Podcast sounds like a million five,
even though we only spend a million on it.
And thank you for being you and being such a joy and a great presence
And booking the show
Yeah, well, we all play our role
And we've been doing a little bit
We've been going around doing some interviews and stuff
On the eve of our 500th
Yeah
And it's weird
It's the time, even though it's like a certain mark of time, and a lot of stuff has happened in that time.
Mm-hmm.
Because, like, I was watching, last night I was watching the Fudge Cops video.
Mm-hmm.
Well, remember, first of all, we were all so young.
That was before the show began.
Yeah, that was 2007.
Okay.
I was so skinny.
I was so skinny.
Although at the time, would you have thought, I'm so skinny?
I don't know.
I guess not.
I would have just thought, hey, I'm in my 20s.
Yeah.
I can eat whatever I want.
And yeah, I was like, oh my God.
Because parts of it were filmed at your old
uh apartment which i completely like it was a real nostalgic i was like oh yeah the old apartment
and i remember this thing on the wall and the kitchen and yeah it's a it's it's a longer time
than than even i realize oh yeah yeah well yeah i've had two
babies since then and you think you're you've gotten fat over the years try going through
a few labors baby yeah that's right yeah but somehow you lost that baby weight i don't know
how you did it not all of it where did you keep it uh, I still have the placenta in. Oh,
really?
Yeah.
It's a bulbous thing.
It's,
I carry with me every day.
The doctor says I should have it removed.
It's leaching all the vitamins out of my system and just pouring them out of my vagina.
Um,
uh,
thanks for listening.
Yeah.
Oh,
one more note is 500 episodes.
So far I've done 499 episode recaps.
Yes.
On our old blog or on MaximumFun.org.
What we're going to move to now.
Yeah, yeah.
The future.
Is an exciting new system where both we will recap the episode.
We'll post a few pictures.
But we also like you guys. where both we will recap the episode, we'll post a few pictures,
but we also, like you guys,
I know people will sometimes send us a video or a picture.
Hey, here's that thing you were talking about on the show. Yeah, yeah.
And I'll try not to write back,
hey, dipshit, I already posted that.
Thanks for paying attention to all the hard work I do.
So, but I know people like to dig these things up.
Yeah, yeah, it's fun.
And so we have started, it's 2017.
Yeah.
We've started a Twitter account.
Yeah.
At Stop Podcasting.
It can't go longer, even though the tweets are now twice as long.
Oh, and we're going to make some long-ass tweets.
Well, I don't know if we have one of those accounts yet.
Damn it!
But at Stop Podcasting, follow that.
You can submit things that we talked about in the show.
We'll retweet you.
Because sometimes people will send a thing right to my Twitter account, like,
Hey, Dave, check out this article about ice cream.
Yeah.
And I'd like to share it with other people, but my regular Twitter followers don't care that i like ice cream it's only you might i know i mean who cares that a 36 year old man
likes ice cream i mean i find it endlessly endearing how much you love ice cream so much
there's none in the house really yeah well that's very surprising bathing suit season's coming up. Yeah, because you do the polar swim, right?
Mm-hmm.
Um, the, uh, is there, is there a type of ice cream that you won't touch?
Like, that you're just, like, not interested in?
Or are all ice creams equal under?
Uh, I, I try not to get anything that's, like, uh, where the first ingredient is modified milk ingredients.
But if someone's just handing me a dish of ice cream, I'll eat it.
Right.
But I'm not going to go like, Hey, give me that tiger stripe.
Give me bubble gum.
Right.
Yeah.
Tiger stripe and bubble gum were real kid classics.
And, uh, don't translate into adults.
What was tiger stripe?
Like a really.
Orange and licorice?
Yeah.
It was like a really like tangy orange.
I hated it.
But I think my dad really liked it.
Yeah.
I just, I bought some of that type, whatever modified.
I didn't know.
I think it was cheaper at the store.
And it was fine for like one bite and then two bites.
I was like, this is like, it's like eating ice cream foam.
Like it's all foamy.
And so like I look for where the first ingredient is cream.
Yeah.
Get on top, girl.
That's what I like.
And so that'll be like any, a lot of like the local, you know, dairy farms do that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whatever.
Island farms, Chapman's, your local Canadian thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Breyers has one version that does it.
Ben and Jerry's is all that and a bag of chips.
Did you.
Some of their flavors are so crazy.
Was it you that was telling me that you knew somebody that used to, like those ice creams that you get in a box, who come in a box, and then they would unbox the whole ice cream and then cut it with a knife?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't think so.
But they do sell, like, slice cream.
Slice cream.
Yeah, which is like a.
A log.
Yeah.
And it's just like one uniform thing, or does it have like a chocolate that runs in the middle of it?
Yeah, it's like a souffle.
An ice cream souffle.
No, it's like, yeah, layered dessert.
Yeah, I feel like somebody told me that the tradition in their family was to unbox this whole cube and then cut
it up and just like eat slabs of ice cream off a plate.
Oh.
Yeah.
Like an ice cream cake.
Kind of like an ice cream cake.
Yeah.
But I was like, how much ice cream did you all eat?
Because like a whole box of that would last our family weeks.
Not you.
Four days. last our family weeks. Not you.
Four days.
If I'm doing it by myself,
like a two liter thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll,
I'll,
you know,
I'll do a pint a day.
Less if there's pie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh,
but if I can just get a pint of ice cream,
then I'll do less than a,
I'll do a,
I'll split a pint over two days.
Do you, when, whenever you're at a pub and they say, would you like a pint of ice cream, then I'll do less than a, I'll do a, I'll split a pint over two days. Do you,
whenever you're at a pub and they say,
would you like a pint?
Do you,
like in your head,
imagine getting it?
I'm imagining
that they have a,
like a soft serve tap.
So,
to wrap that up,
yes,
follow Stop Podcasting
on Twitter.
We'll also keep posting
just the episode information
Maybe a couple of images
To MaximumFun.org
On the episode
Posts
And we have a Facebook group as well
We encourage you to post things there
Most people just post bumper
Bumper stumpers
We're also, if you go to
Reddit.com Reddit.com R Bumper Stumpers. We're also, if you go to Reddit slash Maximum Fun.
Reddit.com slash R slash Maximum Fun.
There's all these different, what do you call them?
They're not streams.
What do you call an entry?
Yeah, it's sort of a post.
A post where you can comment on the episode.
Yeah.
And we read probably 90 of it some of it
slips through the cracks everything that goes through the uh facebook group gets emailed to me
yeah yeah and uh yeah but then then we've got it so we sometimes yeah we sometimes comment on it
just we want you to be part of the conversation starting now um and uh what's what's going on just in general
well in the past when we do these hundred episodes we've gone we've done like we did a trivia
one once yeah we did every segment once we did a murder mystery once
and murder mystery one was really fun.
And we did, I think, countdowns last time.
Oh, right.
Yeah, like top this thing.
Top 10 TV shows we were obsessed with for a week.
Well, what are some of those?
I mean, Riverdale for sure.
Well, no.
Well, that was after that episode.
And we're more than a week.
Yeah, Gigalos was more than a week.
Gigalos was one.
The Canadian Border Patrol show.
Still, if I'm in a hotel and it's on, that's what I'm parking on.
It's great.
And then that Sarah Jessica Parker art show.
Oh, yeah.
What is it called?
Ready, set, art?
Art attack.
With one of the competitors was an artist named Sucklord.
I was thinking this morning, if you got pulled over at the border,
did whatever, they were just going to inspect your car,
do you think you could make small talk about that border security show?
Yes, absolutely.
And do you think they'd be like they'd like be like ah they only show the whatever or
they're like yeah we're pretty proud of that yeah i think they would be well they'd either be like
proud of it because it's raising awareness that people can't bring a bunch of roots across the
border a bunch of roots from your great-grandmother's backyard.
Unfortunately, I think the show's pretty much mostly viewed in Canada.
Well, they have a Canadian one, an American one, and an Australian.
Yeah.
And I think you're right.
I think only Canada watches it.
But it's on American Netflix, I think.
People have written in and told us that.
Oh, so good.
But it's just, I also worry that, cause there was the sort of thing with CSI when
CSI started, like apparently criminals got really smart about, oh, well, if they're going
to investigate these forensic things, then I'll, I'll make sure not to leave DNA or whatever.
Yeah.
Cause I always thought that when I watched CSI
and they were like, oh, they
cleaned the whole scene with bleach. I was like,
that's all it takes?
You're just going to bring a bottle of bleach with you?
Yeah, well, look for guys getting away
in black outfits with big white streaks
all over them. Blotches.
Yeah, so I wonder if there's people who are
trying to cross the border and now are like,
Ah, now I know.
Stick that root in my butt.
Yep.
I put my boot down.
I stick it root down.
How are you going to stick it?
I'm going to stick it root down.
Thank you.
Yes.
This champagne is horrible.
I hate it so much.
But we don't have a theme for this.
No, it's just going to be kind of a regular ep with a few fun surprises.
Yeah.
So what's going on with me is, now, Graham, do you know what a lobster roll is?
I mean, I've heard tell of it from your life.
Sure.
I don't think I've ever properly had a lobster roll.
What have you had?
A lobster sandwich?
I've had a lobster.
Yeah.
But have you had things that have been advertised as a lobster roll? I've had a lobster. Yeah. But have you had things that have been advertised as a lobster roll?
I've had maybe a crab cake.
Okay.
But a lobster roll is, it's sort of this like mix of high cuisine.
A lobster.
Yeah.
And low cuisine.
It's served on a hot dog bun.
Oh, okay.
So it's like lobster meat and it's either, I see
them online on like on food Instagrams that I
follow.
Yeah.
And they're either cold, like, like a, like a
lobster tuna salad, not tuna salad, but like a
tuna, a lobster equivalent of a tuna salad with
like lobster and celery and mayonnaise.
The mayonnaise is what I'm thinking.
Yeah.
Or I've seen them hot with like butter dipped lobster in a,
in a bun.
Whoa.
That looks so good.
Now,
can I ask you just a lobster question?
Is it like,
I know that they boil it.
And you're allergic,
so you can.
I've never,
I've never had.
Is it hot?
When you, when they serve it to you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
It's not piping hot, because you've got to, like, it's a little bit of work to get it out of the shell.
Right.
So, so it can't be hot, too hot to handle, too cold to hold.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
But the butter that it's served with usually comes in a uh a little dish that's above a candle so the what
the butter it stays melted and is a little warm so you get a little bit of a warm tang do they even
do this at like a cheapy place like like a red lobster probably wow i mean i'm not saying i
wouldn't go to a cheapy place like no i lovester. If they had them here, I would go religiously.
Christmas, Easter.
Lobster Day, St. Lobster Day.
Now, do you know what Kingsgate Mall is?
Yes.
Tell me about Kingsgate Mall.
Kingsgate Mall.
It's a favorite mall of our show.
It's Vancouver's premier dirt mall.
It's Vancouver's premier dirt mall.
It has, and has had over the years, a wide array of businesses come and go.
Used to have a shop where you could buy the type of shoes that a stripper or a, you know, Julia Roberts era hooker would wear.
Giant boots or Lucite, uh, giant heels.
Yeah.
It used to have a store that just had, uh,
enormous, not quite, uh, like tap out shirts,
but knockoff tap out shirts.
Yep.
Absolutely.
And like, they also, there was, uh, you know,
they, they have, um, a Marksville warehouse.
That's been a, that's been a stronghold.
And that's, uh, uh, you know, that's something for everyone.
That's not a dirt mall feature.
Boots, jeans, work wear.
Yeah, scrubs.
Scrubs.
Outdoor wear.
Indoor wear.
Slippers.
Yeah, it's got it all.
They have a furniture rental store.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah, they have like a weird discount bookstore where they'll have like a thousand of one book.
Which is great.
That's a great store.
Is it?
Yeah.
I've never.
They've got toys.
They've got toys.
For my discount kids.
A dollar store.
A dollar store.
And they used to have an Orange Julius.
Yep.
Which was closed down and they replaced it with a restaurant called Orange Orange.
And now it has been replaced with, what's the name of this place?
I want to get it right before I make fun of it, I guess.
It could be called Rock Lobster.
It could be called Roll if you want to, Roll Around the World.
Well, they have, it's basically a hot dog stand that has a lobster roll on the menu.
I don't have the name here.
So they held on to the hot dog part of the Orange Julius model.
Yeah, they have hot dogs.
They have.
Do they have bubble tea as well?
They have a weird mix of milkshakes.
It's kind of like hot dogs, fries, burgers.
Okay.
And then also like
fresh pressed sugar cane juice.
Oh, that's so good.
Pastries, spelled wrong,
pastries.
I've only ever seen
white people there,
but they seem to serve
a lot of Asian food.
Okay.
White people working there.
Is there a library in Kingsgate mall as well?
Not anymore.
Oh, there used to be though.
Oh, it's not.
Oh, it's owned by the school board.
Oh, okay.
The whole mall.
Uh, and they have ice cream, they have milkshakes, uh, and they have a lobster roll.
And so yesterday I thought, well, I have nothing to talk about.
Yeah. Yeah. Let's see what I have nothing to talk about. Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's see what this lobster roll is all about.
So it's, it's not a dirty place.
The Kingsgate Mall or the, the, the, the stand.
The stand.
The stand is fine.
And then while you're, but I went there and I was like, okay, I'm going to go. I'm going to order this lobster roll.
I don't want to make a big fuss about it.
I'm just going to go up.
Like I was psyching myself up for it.
I was afraid the person there was going to be suspicious that I was going to.
Are you eating this as a joke?
Yeah, is this a dare?
Are you with those teens?
But they seem to have an awful lot.
So I got there.
The woman was so busy.
One woman working there.
Yeah.
Making smoothies that weren't coming together.
Like she took them out of the blender and then she's like, oh, she had to take a spatula and stir them as well.
These two, these fruits don't want to mix.
You wanted an oil and water smoothie.
You wanted an oil and water smoothie But while I was waiting there
I saw that they have so much lobster stuff on the menu
A lobster nugget burger
Oh man
Lobster shrimp wontons
Okay
The lobster roll
Lobster with beef dip
Ew, what?
Lob shrimp dumplings.
No, that's just if you throw a shrimp across the food court.
Lob shrimp nuggets, a lobster club.
Wow.
You want to be in the lobster club.
Oh boy, do I ever.
Stick a toothpick in me, baby.
So, all of those sound like things that are hiding a lesser quality lobster.
I don't know.
Why would you have a lesser quality lobster?
And they have like this sort of font that is like old timey diner.
Right.
But then all the lobster stuff is like photo scans of just like weird color photographs printed out and laminated of lobster bits.
And it reminds me of like a block away,
there's a seafood store that seems to have the same kind of.
So you think they're in.
Yeah.
But that I, it's all like everything at the seafood store is in Chinese.
So I've never gone in and asked.
So do you, do you ever like make lobster or lobster is a thing that you go out for?
I would go out for it and I go out maybe once a
year and it's diminishing returns.
I don't think I like it as much as I used to.
No?
I used to love it.
I would want it like Abby and I would go on dates.
Uh, maybe we'd go two or three times a year to nautical nelly's in victoria
and it would be like the biggest thing and the price has gone way up and i feel like the quality
has gone way down or the flavorfulness has gone way down yeah i like i it's lobster so crazy
if you haven't ever eaten it because it looks like a giant bug
and i don't understand how people can be afraid of bugs and also i will yeah it's weird like i
wouldn't eat uh if someone like we found this huge tarantula or like like a huge like a beetle
yeah or something you gotta crush through the exoskeleton yeah but once you get into the juicy gooey it would be too gooey i think i think it would all be goo
so so i got this thing yeah and it's not it's neither of the types of lobster roll
no mayonnaise no mayonnaise oh uh no hot. It is just lobster meat.
The bun was warm.
Oh, that's nice.
It was great.
It was in the guy's back pocket.
Here you go.
And, but just like, she took a packet of lobster, like this weird individual.
Single serving. Single serving lobster meat out of the fridge, snipped it open, poured it on the sandwich.
Yeah.
And gave it to me and said,
don't make fun of me on the internet.
And how did it taste?
It tasted fishy. It was a little, it wasn't
enjoyable. Oh, okay.
But it was $9.
Wow. So it was like,
this I could get used to yeah
because like how much does a lobster cost i have no idea i mean if you get a full lobster in a
restaurant you're i mean above depending i guess depending on the time of the year above 30 dollars
holy shit maybe up to like 50 more Maybe more. I don't know.
Yikes.
I mostly get,
uh,
I get taken out by some wealthy dowagers.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I,
uh,
I have been,
uh,
convincing these blue haired old women.
That you're,
uh,
well,
like,
uh,
you're not interested in their state.
You're interested.
No.
Yeah.
And I'm a hung.
A hung young monk.
A hot young beefcake.
And I let them bounce a quarter off my patoot.
Oh, that's really nice.
Yeah.
That's one of their favorite things to do.
Yeah.
Because they're so wealthy.
Uh-huh.
Yeah. No. Um, yeah, I, uh, uh,
have you ever like,
I don't know, at work or something been taken out to a really like expensive restaurant and
they've just been like,
don't worry about it.
Just order whatever you want.
yeah,
yeah.
Oh,
it's,
it really just like spoils you for whatever's the next thing that you go out
for.
Although if it's too nice,
yeah, it's, it's like if they have a guy who comes by between courses with a little scraper and cleans up crumbs.
Like, well, come on.
You're like a dinosaur would do that on the Flintstones.
You're supposed to say it's a living after doing this.
Yeah,
it is a bit like a waiter comes by with a tiny elephant and sucks up all your crumbs.
It,
uh,
it's,
it is a little bit like the Mr.
Show sketch.
Uh,
yeah,
the burgundy loaf.
But,
uh,
I don't know.
I read a couple of times I've been working on something and they've,
they've just had an expense account.
Oh, yeah.
And they're just like, just order whatever.
But I, as a vegetarian, like even the most lavish vegetarian thing is still only like.
A mushroom.
A big mushroom.
Yeah.
Bring me a mushroom the size of the Stanley Cup and I'll drink salad dressing out of it, I guess.
Yeah, so lobster roll.
Lobster roll.
Will you revisit?
No.
No?
And I won't try the other lobster things, even though they're, like, cooked.
Lobster nugs.
Lobster nugs.
Yeah, it was more of something that I got dared into by myself.
It is.
I'm surprised that you didn't go to it before.
Yeah.
Because.
I was scared.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's also like I'm never there at lunchtime.
Right.
Yeah.
I don't think.
When was the last time I was in there?
I was buying boots at Marks Workwear. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I don't think, hmm, when was the last time I was in there I was buying boots at Marks
Workwear.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, because they had a sale and I was lured in.
But you were upset because the hooker boot store that you wanted to get your boots at
had closed?
I wanted one that I could put a goldfish in the sole of it.
Not a live one, a dead one, and then we're going to watch it decompose.
Is that what that Paul Simon song is about?
She's got goldfish in the soles of her shoes?
I think, you know what?
I think that either a disco dancer or a stripper
would really appreciate that song parody.
More than most.
Do strippers strip to parodies ever oh that oh that is a good question because uh obviously weird al would be your go-to but then at your
trashier club some twisted tunes sure pour some splenda on me Speaking of song parodies, I watched that movie The Comedian.
Oh, yeah.
And one of-
Didn't we already talk about this?
Yeah, but I just, the thing that goes viral is he does a song parody to Making Whoopie,
which wasn't even a song that was popular in Robert De Niro's actual lifetime.
Kids are going to love this.
Whoa, he's doing Maggie Whoopie?
Yeah, we thought there were some rules on the internet.
And also, it's like a funny song to begin with, isn't it?
Yeah, it's about doing it.
Oh.
Yeah.
It's not about the birth of Whoopie Kultberg.
Oh, yeah.
Well, God must have spent a little more time on her.
Except for the eyebrows.
I keep forgetting she doesn't have any eyebrows.
But she's got a lot of wit, a lot of heart.
The other thing that happened to me is I went to a coffee shop yesterday,
walking the dog, and I went up to the counter i made my order
and i went outside and i got the dog because he was shivering because i had just given him a bath
oh yeah so i went and i was gonna wait outside while they made my coffee and uh you guess what
happened what what happens to me all the time uh somebody just came in or they just didn't make
they just didn't make my cup why does that keep happening to you it only happens when the place is crazy busy
or crazy dead yeah because if it's busy it just gets lost in there somewhere and if it's not busy
at all they're just like i don't feel like it i'm inertia is not letting me make this coffee. Yeah. Nothing's happening anyway.
So I did my thing where I wait for as long as it takes to make 10 coffees.
Cause maybe,
yeah,
maybe,
maybe the fact that I was outside,
I had my back to them.
I was just kept looking in and I saw that the barista was talking to the other employees and like pointing to the machines and stuff.
And I was like, oh, maybe this is like a teaching hospital.
Is this, do you mind if your latte is, you know, if we bring in some barista students to have a look at it?
They all gather around one order.
I'll gather around one. Yeah.
Order.
The,
uh,
remember they used to give people tags at not,
not at a fancy coffee shop,
but at like a Safeway.
And it would say like,
be patient with me.
I'm training.
Like they were a service dog.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I always thought it was very demeaning that they had to wear a sticker that like they could say that if they want.
Have you ever gone to those movie
theaters where they their name tag says their favorite movie yes but if they're new they have
to say it's training day pretty good these ones without a guest are fun um so i just went up and
i said um i ordered a coffee a while ago yeah and uh nobody has come in since so what's up and they were very apologetic
yeah which they usually are do they get like let me give you uh no nothing starbucks will do that
starbucks will give you a little form for a form you have to fill out
uh you you you get that money back in your taxes. Yeah, yeah.
We'll just scan your ID here.
But yeah, that was it.
But one other thing I wanted to do today
is I sent out a thing to some friends of the show
saying that it was our 500th episode.
And if anyone had anything that they wanted to share with us.
I had them call in.
And so I thought I'd play a couple.
This is fun.
Yeah.
Here we go.
Hello, boys.
It's me, Paul F. Tompkins.
I just wanted to wish you all the congratulations in the world.
You used to be my favorite podcast, and it's so great that you guys made it to the big 5-0-0.
Well, off I go.
Was he in a balloon?
I don't know where he was calling from, but it's always nice to hear from Paul.
Thank you, Paul.
With his patented sign-off, off I go.
Off I go. Oh, he sounds sign-off, Off I Go. Off I Go!
Oh, he sounds a bit like me.
Pretty good.
Do you want to hear another?
Yeah, I would love to hear another.
Hey, guys.
It's me, Alicia Tobin.
Well, we've been through
some great times together,
and I hope I can come back again
sometimes.
You guys are the best.
Hey, congratulations on 500.
Bonk.
Well, bye.
And her catchphrase, bonk.
Yeah.
And you know what?
I don't know if it's the phone that you're playing off of, but they sound perfect.
Yeah.
Everyone, I think, called on sound perfect. Yeah. Everyone, I think,
called on a phone. Yeah, yeah. But the
connections are crystal clear and their voices
sound great. Well,
do you want another? Yeah, absolutely. Okay.
There's only a bunch more.
Hello, it's
me, Charlie Demers, your
friend and past podcast
guest. Well,
this is awkward.
Happy 500.
Whoops, bye.
His cat trades whoops, bye.
Yeah, and was that Grover?
No, I think Charlie, his voice changes as he talks.
Yeah, yeah.
As he comes near and far.
But, well, there's some people
who weren't even friends of the show
that are just sort of, you know,
kind of luminaries that I...
Sure, well-wishers.
Yeah, so I had some of them call in as well.
Hello, it's Ira Glass,
the grand dame of podcasting,
and I just wanted to congratulate you
as I do every podcast
that makes it to
500 episodes.
And
so suck it,
fuckers.
So rude at the end. Yeah, but he did say his
catchphrase, um. Yeah.
And he
he's got to be
near 500 himself. Oh, I don't
know. I don't listen to that.
Boring garbage.
I just want people who make jokes.
Speaking of, a really great guy called in next.
Boys, it's Arnold Schwarzenegger, the governor.
Well, it makes me so happy to see you boys make it to 500 episodes.
And I just want to say I'll be back again later.
I'll call again.
I don't care.
Well, off I go to count my Deutschmarks.
Did he?
Who said off I go first?
Was it Paul F. Tompkins or Arnold Schwarzenegger?
They called at the exact same time.
Here, off I go.
You know, there's a few.
I'll just play one more.
Sure, sure.
Here we go.
Hey, boys.
Hey, boys.
It's Humphrey Bogart from cinema.
Hey boys, it's Humphrey Bogart from cinema.
I just wanted to congratulate
you guys on making it to
the big 500 episodes.
You do know how to whistle, don't you?
Anyway, I'll see you guys
in Casablanca.
Yeah.
He was the sexiest
starlet, you know how to whistle.
Was that not him?
I think it might have been a woman.
Oh, okay.
But you know what? He's old.
So he got confused about what
his catchphrase was.
So yeah, that's...
We have a few more. I might play them later.
Yeah, yeah. Who knew that Humphrey Bogart would
outlive Hugh Hefner?
Well, they both made it to
91. Isn't it weird that Jerry Lewis, Harry Dean Stanton, and Huffley Hefner?
Hugh Hefner made it to 91.
All 91.
I loved your tweet about it.
That this is like now the...
The 27 club?
Yeah, the 91 club.
They're up there jamming with Jimmy and Janice.
Yeah.
Heaven's got to be real overpopulated.
Yeah.
Is there no cap?
Well, heaven was missing an angel.
That's true.
I liked...
Whoopi Goldberg.
A lot of people changed R.I.P. Rest in Peace to R.I.P. Rest in Playboy.
Oh.
Stupid., stupid.
So stupid.
Also, there was some, I thought there was going to be more of the Playboy Bunny crying.
I could only find one.
But what do you think is going to be the, you know, they do the editorial cartoons of Up in Heaven.
Oh. think's gonna be the you know they do the editorial cartoons of up in heaven oh what's the uh what you know where it's the pearly gates yeah yeah i was saying you have shown up and the angels are saying
saint peter's like hey hey back back that ass up yeah yeah big fella no pocket pussies in heaven
he says sorry just. Just came out.
Oh, it'll just be the same joke that everyone's making about like, I thought you already were in heaven.
Yeah, yeah, that's the, or it'll be somebody who never quite read Playboy and is like just piecing it together.
Like, your pajamas are ready, senior citizen.
Because didn't he, wasn't that supposed to be his thing that he always
pajamas and uh but then he terrorized young blondes yeah he he aged into an age where wearing
pajamas all the time no longer was like ah look at this guy who's so carefree into just like
yeah so what there's lots of old guys that wear pajamas all the time. Yeah, but his are silk. Ah, yeah, that's true.
Gross.
Yeah.
Slipping and sliding that wiener around in there.
Oh, I pictured it.
How are you doing?
Pretty good.
The last couple, this last week, I've been driving.
Huh?
Yeah.
Oh, you got a job as a trucker.
Yeah, yeah.
And I've, Usually we drive in a
A long series of trucks
I don't know what we call it
But it's a beautiful sight
Uh huh
And we
Truck all through the night
Mmhmm
Yeah something
Like that
Yeah
That's the right amount of syllables
Um
Bon Jovi
What?
No that's not quite right
No but it's
Fun
Yeah
Corduroy.
Boy, George.
Close.
I drove up to, up to?
Over to?
Kamloops, BC.
Right.
Did a comedy festival there.
Yeah.
And it'd been a long time since I drove.
It'd been a long time since i drove a car
this is what i stripped to
show everybody your headlights Um, and, uh, when we got to, uh, Kamloops, the hotel, uh, was, you know, in, um, maybe
vacation, they like go to see the pool.
They're like, yay, the pool.
And, uh, it did that kind of reveal of like what the pool is supposed to look like and
then what the pool actually is.
So on the website for this place it's like pretty nice
looking pool you get there just like drain drained okay the rest is moot uh but also like
at best it was like a really big tub like i think the deep end was five feet, five and a half feet.
And,
uh,
you couldn't like,
you couldn't,
if you pushed off from one end,
you'd be like scraping your chest on the bottom at the other.
Oh,
right.
Um,
what,
but were you looking forward to a pool?
No,
but it was just the first thing that you saw when you drove in to the parking lot.
Oh,
okay.
Was like outdoor,
outdoor.
Yeah.
I think probably after August, they drained that.
Yeah.
And it was like.
Fill it with pennies.
They let a rich guy swim in it.
I guess.
A rich guy who doesn't own his own pool.
Yeah.
And only has like, you know, two grand in pennies.
Back up the truck and load.
I'm going to.
And you know what?
I don't think you'd have to die from quite a height to make a dent in that kind of thing of pennies.
And you'd probably just die.
You'd probably just smash your face up against the pennies.
So that was.
And I went to this place called the.
Did I talk about this?
Getting the pie. Yeah. I talk about this? Getting the pie?
Yeah.
I talked about that last week.
Getting giant pieces of pie at this diner.
It's like old timey diner in Hope.
No, you didn't.
Oh, okay.
Hope is the city, uh, outside of Vancouver.
Yeah.
They shot Rambo.
And they shot First Blood in.
Or Rambo.
No, you're right.
First Blood.
Yeah.
The first Rambo. Yeah. And, uh in. Or Rambo. No, you're right. First Blood. Yeah. The first Rambo.
Yeah.
And every year they have a celebration.
This year is the 35th anniversary.
Every year they have a celebration.
Yeah.
Every year they have a celebration.
I guess when shooting finished is the date.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It was mid-September.
Yeah. is the date i don't i don't know it was mid-september yeah and uh they there's this one diner in hope called the home diner that's like hasn't changed since the 50s so it's got you walk
in it's got the the pies spinning around oh yeah pie case and uh all the waitresses call you hun. Uh-huh. Yeah.
Or maybe sugar.
Really?
Yep.
Um, and, uh, yeah, I just, I just got just pie and I just, uh, like ate.
How many pieces?
I got two and I thought that was really manageable.
I was wrong as they were so big.
Did you have a cup of coffee?
I did.
You had a little Twin Peaks? Yeah. You had a little Twin Peaks?
Yeah, I had a little Twin Peaks experience.
What types of pie?
I got a pumpkin and an apple crumble.
Yeah, and I couldn't finish,
couldn't quite get to the end of that apple crumble,
but yeah.
That is, that's a great sounding thing.
Oh man, and there was a lineup out the door really yeah
and i was to meet you yeah and i was like well i didn't even know i was stopping how did you guys
know where did you wait in line yeah yeah because uh was rambo there he was signing autographs with
a bazooka uh probably they have like an extra or something.
It probably leads to the parade.
They have a like face cut out Rambo that you can take a picture with.
Oh, for sure.
And, uh, probably like some sort of, uh, camo makeup for the kids, you know, uh, and then go hide out in the woods.
There's, there's, I think there was like, they had to demolish a bridge or something that was used in Rambo.
And it was kind of a big deal.
Yeah.
And people were like, you know, this movie is really old and super violent.
Kind of not a great thing to keep around.
Yeah, I don't know that I've ever seen the first.
I don't think I have either.
I've definitely seen like the later ones when he's like just a guy
who can blow up i think i don't think i ever saw any of them i loved him as a kid yeah it was like
rambo's the coolest i watched the cartoon show rambo the force of freedom yeah right that would
have close-ups of him tying up his boots and putting on his headband yeah uh and i loved like the idea
of a machine gun yeah not even you know just the way kids play yeah yeah yeah yeah and uh and like
you know fake dying and stuff and also having giant muscles yeah being shirtless and having a
giant gun appealed to me at the time. And nothing's changed.
No, most days you can find Dave lounging out on the side of the empty note pool.
Unfortunately, I got all these tan lines shaped like an M16.
Yeah, it's a weird, it's like if you go,
there's another town in northern bc called uh nelson and there's like placards in nelson that
are to like uh commemorate the filming yeah the filming of the movie rocks and you're like
i don't know like it's fine that it was filmed here yeah it's it is like i don't think that
would ever happen again though they don't they would right they would never just pick a weird canadian small town to make a major motion picture yeah i mean i would
have i can see why at the time and maybe if there was a restaurant that was in the movie would have
a photo on the wall like hey this is when they shot this there yeah but to have the mayor, like, and to commemorate a movie that most people will not ever see.
Like, it is a rarity.
Steve Martin and Daryl Hannah?
Daryl Hannah.
And it's like a retelling of Cyrano.
And he's got a big nose.
And he's also, like, a firefighter?
Yeah, I think they used the fire hall there.
Yeah, because that's where I saw one of the plaques was, I think, near the fire hall.
Anyways, it's not like this is where Casablanca was shot.
It's like, Roxanne, you're like, yeah, I guess I saw that on VHS.
Who was in Casablanca?
Very young Robert De Niro.
From Making Whoopie?
Yeah, yeah.
From Making Whoopie singer Robert De Niro. From Making Whoopie? Yeah, yeah. From Making Whoopie singer Robert De Niro.
Um, I love pie.
Yeah.
Pumpkin pie sounds great.
You should have dropped it all in your coffee and said, hey, pumpkin latte.
Hey, everybody.
And they put you on their shoulders.
Yeah.
You're our new Rambo.
And then the, uh,
but an apple crumble is good.
I,
I made,
um,
I tried to make some pies with Margo a couple of weeks ago and daddy,
daughter pie day.
Yeah.
Cause I take her like this.
It sounds like Abby and I live in different houses,
but I,
I do take care of her one day and the weekends.
But,
but,
uh,
and so in the afternoons I try to do something that's not an iPad.
Right.
Uh,
and so I,
we made pie last week and she ruined it.
She just put all of her weight on the rolling pin and like,
Oh,
you gotta have kind of a touch for this.
Uh, and then this week we made meatballs.
Oh, fun.
And that was more fun.
But after I made the pies, I started making crumble because that was, you can use pie
dough and just like put it wherever on top.
So, yeah, because the crumble I had was like half, like it was like still had the pie crust, but then a crumble on top.
It's, there is like a taxonomy of what is a crumble?
What is a brown Betty?
What is a cobbler?
What is a crisp?
Wow.
What is a brown Betty?
I don't know.
Brown Betty.
Whoa, ram-a-dam-a-ding.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Damn it. I said thea-ding. Yeah, whoa. Damn it.
I said the wrong nonsense word.
Yeah.
It's whoa, Brown Betty.
Yeah.
Not Brown Betty, whoa.
Been a long time since I drove a truck.
And man, they play that all the time at the comedy club.
Yeah, you should know.
I should know that song.
Yeah, so I experienced delicious small town pie.
Okay.
And then I drove.
That's what Stone Temple Pilots should.
Now that Scott Whalen's no longer with us.
Yeah.
Tourist small town pie.
Yum.
People would, the thing is people would show up disappointed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
With their cups of coffee. And show up disappointed. Yeah. Yeah, with their cups of coffee and their forks and a checkered napkin.
They'd bring a fork in case it's pie and a pitchfork in case it's not.
Get you out of town.
And then yesterday I drove Alicia Tobin and her duog to a vet appointment up in the mountains.
Alicia Tobin, bonk.
Bonk.
She, her dog is very troubled by his legs.
Has a big hip issue or leg issue.
Yeah, he's got soft tissue damage.
A tissue issue?
Yeah, he's got a tissue issue.
He's got, yeah, but not an issue that needs tissues.
It needs some sort of ultrasound.
Sure.
That they only have in small town British Columbia.
Small town British Columbia up in Squamish.
Mm-hmm.
Which, so, drove her up there in the late afternoon.
Mm-hmm.
Windy road.
That is a windy road it's the sea to sky
highway that's where uh paul meyerhaag rode his motorcycle his rented motorcycle a couple weeks
ago many people on motorcycles up on that road they love it um and then uh got there in the
late afternoon and alicia was like okay well i'm gonna go into the appointment uh there's tons of
thrift shops around here that's music to
my yeah well i mean macklemore's music to your ears so you went and you popped some tags i tried
but this is a town that feared sundown apparently because it was everything was closed at five on
the dot and so like i'd walk in and i'd be probably the only person who's walked in the
whole day i imagine it's not a booming business the thrift shop then why would they stay open
later yeah that's true but wouldn't they be interested in their in a customer a customer
you're our one customer you get a prize yeah you pick out any of the Harry Connick Jr. tapes.
What's your favorite Harry Connick Jr. tape?
You know, anything Christmassy.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, anything.
I like the Harry Met Sally soundtrack.
Did he?
Is he on that?
Yeah.
He's all over it.
I think it's all him.
And yeah, he raps at the end where he's like, it i think it's all him and yeah he raps at the
end where he's like my name's harry but not the one from the movie um i think you're gonna find
my raps are real groovy sure and then it then it goes more into a a jazz stand yeah talk about an
orgasm i'll have what she's having when harry met sally um yeah so galaxy defender
i'll have what she's having so good yeah um billy and meg stop humping my leg.
So, yeah.
So then I just wandered around the street of Squamish.
How many thrift stores did you get kicked out of?
Three.
In rapid.
Most of the street was thrift shops.
How does that work?
Like, if it's a small town, most of the street was thrift shops. And how does that work? Like if it's a small town, most of the. Small towns have the best thrift shops because they don't have H&M.
Yeah.
So no one gives their old H&M Forever 21 stuff to a thrift shop.
They give their old fur coats.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Their old classic kind of stuff.
But who's shopping in them?
If it's only.
The poor.
stuff, but who's shopping in them?
If it's only.
The poor.
But how many people can there be in this small town in a, in a Squamish?
Uh, yeah, I don't know how, like.
I don't know how a city, uh, thrift shop stays open.
Well, there's a lot more people. I think volume wise, it makes sense.
But in a small town, I'm like, like well if all these people are donating to the fur frown then who's buying it or vice versa yeah i get is it
all tourist traffic it must be because uh it's a big tourist town yeah maybe that's it's also a
bit of a bedroom community for uh i think for wh Whistler and Vancouver. What does that mean?
Like you.
Commute?
Yeah.
You work in one or the other.
That's a long windy drive home.
I don't know.
People do it though.
Crazies.
Yeah.
Mostly.
I mean, it's, they're priced out.
Yeah.
But.
They gotta go back to their small town and.
Hope that, uh, they shoot another Rambo movie in
the town.
Get us out of this economic slump.
Uh,
it's,
do you think it probably no other movies ever been shot in that town and hope?
Yeah.
Uh,
it was Rambo wearing a lot of thrifted clothing.
Yeah.
That,
that tracks.
I got this,
uh,
ironic,
uh,
Nabisco,
uh,
softball team shirt.
Is that, did Sylvester Stallone call him?
Oh yeah, he did.
He told me to play the call.
Hey, hey guys.
It's Big Fly here.
Gratis out 500.
And I will leave you to your business.
And kapowee
anyway
I'll be at Planet Hollywood
I've seen some
sliders and donairs
oh signing some documents
yeah
goodbye
oh I'm sorry I didn't realize he was still there
and yeah so that's what Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize he was still there.
And, yeah, so that's what's going on with me. That's great.
Yeah, I got kicked out of some thrift shops, just like Rambo.
Uh-huh.
Because he didn't go back to the town and nobody wanted him in the town.
I don't know Rambo.
I know he shot a gun and he was shirtless.
I didn't even think he was shirtless in the first one.
I think that came later. I think maybe he was wearing a...
They shot his shirt off.
I think he was wearing a green jacket. I'm more familiar
with Weird Al's Rambo.
I think I am too. And
Hot Shot's part duh. Yeah.
Yeah, and I saw the new
like the whatever the latest one was.
Where they have Apollo.
Yeah.
Michael B. Jordan is playing.
Rambo is training a young Michael B. Jordan to be a Rambo.
Yeah.
I guess there isn't a young Rambo.
Oh, that'd be a fun cartoon.
Oh, no, wait.
There was a cartoon.
Yeah.
I wish I'd have it follow young sheldon oh that's
uh we're all caught up in young sheldon mania i know i'm every adjective i use now just has
sheldon afterwards oh boy i'm a hungry sheldon right now someone's a tired sheldon oh yeah i
don't know i'm not a tired sheldon Yes you are I think Donald Trump
Is a white supremacist Sheldon
Speaking of
Donald Trump
I famously
On this show anyways
Misjudged
Misfired
Whether he was going to run
You thought he was all talk,
all talk.
I still kind of think he's all talk.
Um,
but,
uh,
I was thinking because the,
you know,
we've been doing this show almost 10 years.
What do you have any predictions?
Oh,
what for 10 years from now years in the future.
So you,
uh,
I mean,
this isn't a 10th anniversary show cause it's not been 10 years.
No,
that's true.
Let's say in another 500 episodes, nine and a half years.
Yeah.
Nine and a half weeks.
Well, they'll reboot that franchise.
Yep.
There will be a whole nine and a half weeks universe.
Yeah.
Young Mickey Rourke is the new show narrated by Mickey Rourke.
Oh, I like that.
So what is, what we're talking about the year 2027.
2027.
If mankind is still alive.
I mean,
Did we, we talked about 2025 with Brent last week.
Yeah.
No, 2525.
What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh-oh.
2027.
So we're looking at
Jonathan Lipnicki's then like
He's probably in his 50s.
No, no.
He'll be, you know,
younger than us.
Yeah.
He'll be like early 40s.
Early 40s.
Okay.
Okay.
So that's what is that count as a prediction?
Yes.
Yeah.
That he will make it to 40.
Okay.
I, I, I accept.
You go.
Um, I think, I think they will have finally remade back to the future.
I think that they will find all the people that kind of tried to stop that will have retired or passed away.
Who's trying to stop it?
Well, I think, what's his name?
Not Robert Zemeckis, but one of the guys who wrote it, like, that was in his contract, that he had to be involved with any sequel or spinoff or whatever.
And he's like, we're not doing it.
Okay. But if he doesn't,
if he's not still alive in 2027,
they will not
even wait for his funeral
to greenlight that
Back to the Future reboot.
Do we...
It's just, it's perfect the way
it is. Yeah, exactly.
It's like the only perfect thing.
Leave it alone, Hollywood.
Let's see.
All male Ghostbusters.
Maybe.
I hope.
So that the young boys have something to look up to.
Yeah, so people can reclaim their childhoods.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Childrenhoods.
You know, like if I didn't have Ghostbusters when I was a kid, I probably wouldn't have started smoking.
I wouldn't have let austers when I was a kid, I probably wouldn't have started smoking.
I wouldn't have let a ghost give me a blowjob.
I wouldn't have sunk all my money into an old fire station.
Yeah.
Was that filmed in Nelson?
Yep.
You wouldn't have had that great quip about whether this man had a dick or not?
Yeah, yeah, yeah i uh i
certainly would never have met bobby brown in a cameo that was back to the ghostbusters too
can we start having crossover movies so we don't have to spend so much time caring yes about yeah
like because they're talking about making the, what is it?
21 Jump Street meets Men in Black.
Okay.
So.
Why not?
Yeah.
Just do it with every other film.
I think 2027 will be all dying for season six of Arrested Development.
That's right.
They've got,
they've still got plans.
At this point,
it's more of a threat.
You want more of these?
Oh no,
I think we're,
we're good.
Yeah.
It was a great show.
Uh huh.
Leave it alone.
Like Back to the Future.
Just leave it alone.
Well,
it's weird.
Like rebooting things.
Some of it's pretty good.
Yeah.
Like you can make a new good version of Gremlins or whatever i don't know why they haven't but you it's when they take the same people and they're like hey
i know zoolander was 15 years ago but we have we have uh no more momentum yeah no one who saw the movie at first would go back to the theater to see
a sequel yeah but we want the same people in it and if they continue the story that doesn't work
and also it never works it never works this will and grace might work will it work
we'll only know in the year. 2027.
That is a weird one,
but they all look,
I think that's a big part of it.
I don't think,
I think like you watch reruns of something,
you get used to how a person looks at a certain age.
And if they do a reunion thing,
you're like,
this is sad.
Yeah. They're all,
I want them captured
in amber forever yeah yeah the the uh the fifth member of the the fifth character is gravity
in the reboot um uh what's her name grace yeah debbie messing yeah yeah uh i just remember the
day margo was born.
She was born at like five in the morning.
We were home by one in the afternoon.
And that night we watched episode one of The Mysteries of Laura.
And did you watch, did you stop at episode one?
I don't think we made it past the opening credits.
I don't think we knew.
I think we knew we were not going to watch this show.
What was it?
Was she a cop?
She was a detective named Laura.
Yeah.
Fill in the rest.
Yeah.
Yeah, yourself.
And then you find the killer and you work backwards.
Yeah.
But I never watched Will and Grace when it was on TV.
No, me neither.
So it's fine that it's back.
It was on sort of around, I think, when I started going to college and I just didn't have a TV.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think even when I was.
Although, to be fair, I never missed an episode of Friends, so.
Yeah.
I guess no one in the common room was watching Will and Grace.
Yeah.
It's, but it feels like, eh why why wouldn't it still be on you know just breathe just bring back all
the things we like just uh yeah you know uh but don't don't bring them back if people look way
too old uh-huh there do we want to reboot our show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. With people who have our voices?
Yeah, so I think my voice is closest to Hugh Hefner.
Oh, Graham, no.
What?
What do you know that I don't know?
He's gone to heaven.
In a way, I mean.
Yeah, it's hard to imagine.
Yeah, his life was sort of a heaven on earth baby
um yeah uh well actually we have one more phone call do you want to
oh yeah it's a good time to for that absolutely hey guys it's billy jo, cool. I have an idea for your 500th episode.
I think it will go over really well.
Like an uptown girl.
Well, let me just plug my piano into the phone.
And away we go.
Dave and Graham, food ton, secret Santa coupons, get to know us, overheard, flex-a-tron.
Pullman, Paxton, Abby's her own person. Chili, chillman, pizza shirt, toilet restaurant.
Armin Van Buren, Johnny Cash Crazins, here's the kicker, that's a Culkin dumpster donkey.
Recessive Gene Simmons, I can't operate on him, stepping on the spider that Graham set free.
We didn't start this podcast.
Oh yes we did, we started
it and it kept going
and we weren't sure that it would
go this long, but it still
is going and it's what you're
listening to. A friend Alicia eating
poo, what high school did you go to?
Rug riddles, rags,ags ruggles Hulk overstand
Brown recluse kills white recluse scream. Oh, dude, super juiced peel me a grape forgot the plot of Peter Pan
drunk dial stunt casting hubba hubba ding ding
skateboard chapeau chinois
Frank D
Angelo, that's a big no-no to be messing with my tall Italian grandpa.
It's episode 500, if it's your first time listening, turn it off right now and listen
to one with Paul F. Tompkins. That's what most people do according to our stats. Okay then.
Orange pepper disappeared, Graham painting with his beard Killing time while the mayor's locking up his bike
Briscoe dingus churros
Rice-a-phony gigolos
That one time that John Doerr farted on the mic
M&M's store spatula
Old man in the sea Dracula
Riverdale space jail
Pibble bibble
Chomp Chomp Express
Stop Pop Princess
Bumper Stumpers
Bread Slippers
Baby with Bills
This is kind of a podcast
You are probably a graphic designer or something
You listen to headphones at work
And you love to listen and break out in laughter
Machete, machete Sure hope that those dogs aren't gay
Baseball pranks, shirtless weigh-ins, treat me nice, daddy
Lady gonna fuck that panda, sex robots, kimono, dragon story
Miss Draxen, how she became the nanny
Donald Trump will never run, Graham is convinced
Don't just drain it when you stain it, gotta rinse it, cinnamon it
Did you know with ZipRecruiter, you can post your job to a zillion sites with one click.
80% of businesses get a qualified candidate within a day or something.
Sweet Spaghetti Pop rocks, John Mayer fudge cops, Horse Woman, Krampus, Oopa Doop, Bleeps and Bloops.
Summer Goths, Hemo Raid, Shut Up Graham, Shut Up Dave
Time for my favorite segment, Hulk Hogan News
Macklemore, Max Fun, Local Planetarium
Cool Hip Dip, Pretty Good, Give It a Miss
Fanta Tweets, Spook Alley, Pet Dreams, Celebrity Birthdays
Baby, don't you know to do a kiss on the rose and it's great baby
Don't you know that I was kissed from rose on the head baby
Cuz you know that it was right then you kissed me
Let her die Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor.
Judge John Hodgman ruled in my friend's favor.
Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor.
I'm Judge John Hodgman ruled in my friend's favor. Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor. I'm Judge John Hodgman.
You're hearing the voices of real litigants, real people who have submitted disputes to my internet court at the Judge John Hodgman podcast.
I hear their cases.
I ask them questions.
They're good ones.
And then I tell them who's right and who's wrong.
Thanks to Judge John Hodgman's ruling, my dad has been forced to retire.
One of the worst dad jokes of all time.
Instead of cutting his own hair with a flow bead, my husband has his hair cut professionally.
I have to join a community theater group.
And my wife has stopped bringing home wild animals.
It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast.
Find it every Wednesday at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts.
Thanks, Judge John Hodgman.
Hey, you with the headphones.
Just between you and me, the MaxFun store just got some of that sweet, sweet new merchant stock.
You know, that merch from your favorite MaxFun shows.
Could be posters, tote bags, shirts, stickers, patches, aprons.
We got it all.
Well, we got a lot.
Point is, there's some new stuff.
Go to maxfundstore.com.
Overheard.
Overheard.
A segment in which, you know, there's lots of stuff to hear out there.
It's a great big world.
And if you're a little boy or a little girl and you meet the world and you hear things out there and then you want to bring them back to your loved ones or, you know, people that you're just cordial with and share what you've heard.
This is the segment for you.
And always we like to start with the guest. So if you would, our secret surprise guest that we've been holding out this whole time,
you may know him from movies, from television.
It's Billy Crystal.
Hey.
Hey, Billy.
It's me, the jazz man.
Hey, man.
Can you dig it?
I'm going to dig it.
A lot of people say that you,
Oh,
he just disappeared out the window into his hot hair.
Um,
uh,
yeah,
I guess,
uh,
Billy Crystal still doing the,
uh,
is he doing Jasmine?
He's still doing Sammy Davis Jr. Oh yeah. Sammy Davis. Is he doing Jazzman? He's still doing Sammy Davis Jr.
Oh, yeah.
Sammy Davis.
Is he doing The Faith?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think he did it on the Oscars.
Oh, he did it on the Oscars.
Yeah.
And it was kind of like,
times, they are a change.
Uh-huh.
We do like to start with the guest, but he had to go to his hot air balloon.
The thing is, Billy Crystal grew up around these jazz guys, so he's allowed to do it.
That's right.
He's a, yeah, he's a jazz bow.
I'm not allowed to do it.
It kills me.
I want to do it.
Yeah, I know you want to do it. I want to be a racist caricature of a jazz man, but I can't because I have only experienced jazz through, uh, you know.
Ken Burns.
Because I have only experienced jazz through, you know.
Ken Burns.
So we, you know, because our guests had to leave.
Well, I guess we'll start with Dave.
Dave, will you lead the chat?
Have I done this one yet?
This is one where I was at a park.
Yeah.
You tell me if I've done this.
Okay.
Uh, and, uh, I, I, I was at a park with Margo and she was on the slide or a swing or something. And I just, behind me, I heard a kid saying, what am I doing?
What am I doing?
Does anyone know what I'm doing?
And I turned around and it was a kid sitting backwards on a seesaw is this anything
yeah what how crazy am i
it is pretty crazy yeah and uh solo he was by himself he was just seeing or just sawing um
seesaw seesaw by the seashore?
Uh
We always call it a teeter-totter
Oh yeah
I don't think anyone calls it a teeter-totter now
Yeah, but you're right
Seesaw and teeter-totter used to be one or the other
Uh-huh
Yeah
No one calls it no teeter-totter no more
Same with thongs
They're all flip-flops these days
That's true
Uh, do you
Ever since Cisco did the seesaw song.
Have you and Margo gone on a seesaw?
Yeah.
Is that...
Because I remember thinking they were the most fun.
Oh, really?
When I was a little, little kid.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, she is not there yet.
Okay.
I never thought there was that much fun either.
Uh, because you got to hold on...
If there's a big... If you're with a big person, you've got to hold on so tight.
That's what I loved about it.
Yeah.
She doesn't have, I guess, the grip for it yet.
Yeah.
But it's...
She's doing grip exercises, though, right?
Yeah, she's got one of those things.
One of those squeezers?
Squeezy, springy things.
She got it out of the back of a weightlifting magazine yeah that's how
uh it was in the magazine like a cologne sample yeah squeeze this see if you like it um pretty
cute pretty cute picturing a kid working on their forearm strength is that what it does yeah i mean
and your grip also just like yeah oh so you that's why. What a handshake. All the people with the best jobs have done that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um.
I, I remember in high school, they told us like we did like a career planning class.
Oh really?
They were like, it's very important to have a good handshake.
Mm-hmm.
I didn't spend too much time on it, but I just heard it multiple times
from multiple sources. Yeah, a handshake is really
important. And now
everyone I meet does a dab.
Oh.
Wait, which one's a dab?
Yeah, yeah.
Everybody's doing the dab.
What's the one where you put your
dab?
But they taught us in
Boy Scouts like the
proper way to do a handshake and stuff
and here's the
worst I think
a party foul of handshake is
you go in and they just
grab the tips of your fingers
of course but you should get an instant
redo yeah it's like
now I've just got to like flop my hand around.
You have to pretend this isn't dumb.
Yeah,
yeah,
exactly.
Um,
I,
so Abby and I always do this thing where I,
cause I think it's great to go in for a handshake really solid.
Yeah.
And then go limp.
Yeah.
As the person shakes your hand.
That's very funny.
But I can't do it without my face going limp.
So we do this thing where I try to keep my face like as, you know, normal as possible.
But the whole thing, my.
Your face did go limp.
Yeah.
My like, it's like I have a full, like, quick palsy, both sides.
But now the new thing I noticed myself doing is feeding the kids.
Yeah.
My mouth opens when I want their mouth to open.
Like, I've got a spoon with some egg on it, and I'll be lifting it over.
That's right.
Did you just pop a jaw?
My jaw just cracked just pop a jaw my jaw just cracked
um
I uh
pop a jaw
mmm
I love their
pizza
yeah
is it
are they all
taking bakes
no that's
what
yeah
Papa Murphy's
is taking bakes
oh Papa Murphy
Papa John
is just a bad
human being
yeah oh right
good for him
yeah
um
my uh overheard courtesy of a little kid.
I saw this kid with his mother, and she was holding him up so that he could press.
Hey, was she a MILF?
Mother, I'd like.
Don't think about it too much.
To film for posterity
For posterity
Yeah
Hey guys
This is where the show is now
Yeah, exactly
You know what?
Hugh Hefner's left his spot
Yeah
And we need some greasy old perps to film
Yeah, sure
It'll take a lot of us
Yeah, yeah, yeah
He left a big old greasy hole
um uh the the mother was holding up his little tyke so that he could press the crossword
button and then as soon as they walked away from the crosswalk, he just broke into tears, was just inconsolable.
And she said, she was saying to him, like I was walking right beside her because I was headed back to the car.
She was saying to him, we're going to go to the park now.
You do this every night.
We go press the button.
Then we go to the park.
That's the deal.
Yeah. And apparently it was a deal that
he had not agreed to.
He wanted to press that button
all of the long night.
There's no rhyme or reason to why kids
just sob.
I'm learning. You can't
logic out of it.
But the fact that they
do this every night, that the kid's like,
I'm excited to go press that button.
We, Margo now wants to be a part of every step of every process.
Right. Like I'm making coffee.
I want to help you grind the beans.
Well, first I want to scoop the beans out.
Right.
And I want to hold the grinder down with you.
Yeah.
And I want to watch the grinder starring John Stamos. Oh, yeah. And I want to pour the beans out right i want to hold the grinder down with you yeah i don't want you to want to watch the grinder starring uh john stamos oh yeah then i want to pour the beans in you handle the
hot water dad no it was the grinder is that john stamos or was it rob what was the other one uh
fred savage no oh what was the one that he was on? What was the Stamos one? Because it was the same time.
They were like a block of handsome old guys.
And he was, yeah, he was a detective.
Oh, The Mysteries of Laura.
Yeah, sure.
Now, John Stamos, is he a bad actor?
Because I'm like...
I think he's like a fine TV actor.
Because he's the kind of, you hear about these movie stars who get like an agent will like to kind of woo them to be their client.
An agent will like draw up what they see the next 10 years of their career as.
Right.
And John Stamos is so handsome and everyone loves him.
Yeah. career as right and john stamos is so handsome and everyone loves him yeah but his agent must
have just been like all right some tv and a yogurt yeah some sort of yogurt like like someone
also you'll tour with the beach boys yeah someone went to tom cruise and was like i see you as a
romantic comedy guy and then an action star and i'm gonna get you an oscar and they never did yeah but still time but uh no
one did that with john stamos it's weird because yeah i can see someone not doing it with dave
coulier yeah it's weird it's like there's certain people where it's like their whole appeal is that
you just kind of want them around and i put stamos in that category he's just like he's just like ah this
guy just what a friendly guy yeah it seems like a fun guy kind of yeah kind of fun but ladies like
him too men want him women want to be him or vice versa it doesn't matter you can and people can
want what they want yeah everybody's every different uh permutation yeah he also like uh i think he must have been the driving force behind
this reboot of full house but also didn't like make it about oh is he in it he's he was he'll
uh guest guest appear oh so he was the driving force he's like yeah but i don't want to yeah i
don't want to be i don't want to be in it as much as Kimmy Gibbler Exactly
Who's not in it?
Just the twinsies?
Just the twinsies
And I watched a couple episodes of
The new season that just came out
I don't know why
I don't know why I watched any of the new stuff
You liked it
I did
I liked the first season
Is that the example of the opposite of what I'm talking about?
Where it sort of aged well?
Like it's a different show now?
Yeah, except now I don't know that I can watch it anymore
because now it's just getting into like...
I think I wanted to see Uncle Joey.
He's not on it as much as I'd like.
Did they cut him out?
I did the finger thing.
But you know what it works audio wise
too um anyways it's uh i'm just glad that john stamos still has a career and a great head of
hair and a great set of teeth yeah and probably abs definitely abs you know he's not a shirt off
guy nobody could be Davey could be Absolutely
I just love him so much
That being said
I never watched The Ringer
The Ringer
The Grinder
The
The Honcho
Beef
The Beef Tech
We also have overheard
Sent in from people From all over the place.
If you want to send one in, you can send it to SPY at MaximumFun.org.
This first one comes from Alicia W. Spokane, Washington.
Spokane.
Spokane, Washington.
Yeah.
Sitting in an ice cream parlor near a Marine Corps base in California
with my five-year-old son last weekend,
I overheard the following conversation between 20-somethings at the table next to us.
Guy, what was up with you and that young Marine at the bar last night?
Girl, well, he asked me to marry him.
I mean, he wants to get to know me first, so we haven't set a date,
but he already had the ring.
So the guy's very confused.
Don't you have a boyfriend?
Girl, nodding matter-of-factly.
And a girlfriend.
She just says yes.
Yeah.
She's a real yes man.
Yeah.
So why is this guy?
Do you think this Marine is going around? He's got a bunch of rings, and he's like shipping out tomorrow, he's literally like a guy who answers phones at the Marine base.
Every night at the mess hall, shipping out tomorrow, will you marry me?
Yeah, do you want, I've been watching that Vietnam Ken Burns thing.
Is it good?
I mean, yeah, I haven't been watching all of it.
It's too much.
Slow pans.
Slow pans.
Slow pans.
Did you just say a slur?
No, I don't think so.
Okay.
Slow pans.
Oh, okay.
And it, but there's a lot of just like that, getting a call that your son or husband has been killed.
Oh, yeah.
Not a call.
You get a, someone comes to your house.
I don't, I don't.
Hello.
Is your mommy there?
So it's, I feel like that's, I'm shipping out tomorrow.
Well then, hey, how about we don't get married?
I don't want, I don't want one of these people coming by.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's telling me you're dead. Yeah. How about we don't get married? I don't want one of these people coming by. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Telling me you're dead.
Yeah, how about we,
if we're still alive in the year 2525.
If you come back from the war
and you're not, I mean.
You're not Rambo.
But also, there's a high chance
that there's PTSD.
Maybe you're not going to be
the husband I need.
And maybe you just need to focus on taking care of yourself.
This is a,
this is a,
but it's okay to talk about it.
Absolutely.
It's helpful.
Yeah,
absolutely.
Dave,
you covered all the base.
I'm trying to be inclusive.
Will you marry me?
Be inclusive.
Sensitive.
Sensitive.
Sure.
This next one comes from Tim. Sensitive. Sensitive, sure. This next one comes from Tim in Ottawa.
I was walking through Ottawa's Chinatown.
Saw three kids biking down the sidewalk going too fast.
Did you say a racial slur?
No, no, no.
I did not.
I think you're programmed to just hear them.
Okay.
I am sensitive.
One of the kids yelled out,
Sorry, I don't have a ring dingy thing.
A bell?
He looked genuinely confused
that he couldn't remember the word bell.
You know.
A ringer dinger.
Yeah, a ringer dinger thing to warn you.
If you hear a bike with a bell,
if you hear the bell go off,
is that anything to you?
No.
To me, it's like somebody's having
fun on the bike. Yeah.
It's like a car alarm.
No one's bringing in a car, it's just the car's going off.
No, I don't
think of that as a thing where
I have to do anything. Yeah.
I think, like, I hear it, and I'm like, that's just
And if I get hit by a bike,
okay. Yeah. Like, it'll hurt. I'm not gonna
love it, but. Yeah, it'll hurt.
I'll get, my pants will get ruined because I'll jizz.
Because I'm in the movie Crash, the bicycle version.
Yeah, the kid version.
Like Crash.
The 14 year old version I made for school.
I got an F on that project.
Oh, my teacher said it was so.
You can't show this.
About these kids who go and try to have sex
and your bike wrecks.
Yeah, they go to...
Yeah, they see bike wrecks
and then they all get boners.
Now, how did we do that?
We just got my friends to put dowels in their jeans.
And then at the agreed upon moment, they all pressed down on them.
Oh, you know.
Oh, dowels for days.
And this last one comes from Chester W.
From Cleveland.
I was out to lunch with a group.
Sorry, I was thinking of the phrase out to lunch with a group Sorry, I was thinking of the phrase
out to lunch.
With a work group today and heard someone
from the other end of the table said
just doesn't feel like September 11th
this year.
Every year it gets more commercial.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just the
beginning of July and already
the specials.
Oh, sure.
The specials.
The ska band?
Yeah.
And additional overheards that are written.
And we also accept your phone calls.
If you want to call us, I'm not even going to beat around the bush.
The phone number is 1-844-779-7631.
That's one.
Ugh.
Spy pod one.
Like these people have. a show making it to 500 episodes. So, Popeye says, you guys
are spinach to me.
You know who that sounded a lot like?
The jazz group?
Yeah, Billy Crystal.
That is funny.
Okay,
here we go.
Hi, Dave.
Hi, Graham.
My possible guess is a drunk dial oh yeah i'm getting married four days now uh in four days um i had a
over her on our scene
it was a shirt
ah
fuck
okay so those are his vows
we hope
it's going great
yeah yeah
that wasn't one of them
that was just
no but that was just
a lot of fun
and congratulations on your upcoming NUPS.
Yeah, probably current, but probably old-timey NUPS now.
Old-timey NUPS.
O-T-M-S.
Hey, guys.
This is Mitch in Los Angeles calling in with an overheard.
This happened late last year when I went to a Dodgers game,
and they were playing the Chicago Cubs. And in the section behind us, there was a Cubs fan who was
cheering pretty adamantly.
Very excited to see his team as one does
in the baseball game.
Alright, so that one doesn't count.
All right, let's find another one.
Hey, Dave and Graham and possible lovely guest.
Hi, Kat.
This is Aaron from Ontario.
I haven't overheard.
I am in the construction business,
and I was working at this pretty large place,
so there's a bunch of other trades there
and as I was leaving
to get lunch there was some other guys
sitting around eating theirs
I have no idea what the context for any of
this is but this is what I heard
guy number one
are you serious? Do you pay a hundred bucks for that?
Guy number two
well in the ass yeah
oh wait no I completely screwed this up
Crap
He said
Okay so
I cannot find a good phone call here
I'm
Okay overheard
Let's concentrate guys
Real ones
Here we go
Hey David Graham
This is Dave in Kentucky
Calling with an overheard
That came to me by way of a friend in Chicago
So this friend Has a roommate And that roommate's girlfriend Kentucky calling with an overheard that came to me by way of a friend in Chicago.
So this friend has a roommate and that roommate's girlfriend moved in with the two of them.
And one night after having been out drinking, the couple was having an argument and my friend overheard her shout, you never go down on me.
You know what, I'm going to call this back in.
Okay, okay. Guys, I'm really
sorry. These were supposed to be properly vetted.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Overheard phone calls.
Dave, usually you go through these
with a fine-tooth comb. You know what?
Every 500 episodes, I
come up short. Here's
the real one. Oh, hello.
It's the penguin.
Oh, no, the penguin.
Tell me this.
What has 500 episodes and three thumbs?
You.
Well, off I go to fight crime.
Bye.
Da, da, da, da, da.
They did a little Popeye there.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
They did a little Popeye there.
And also, I didn't know that off I go was such a perfect way to sign off a phone call.
Please, everyone who calls us from here on out, end it with off I go. Off I go.
Well, off I go.
Well, off I go.
Okay.
So, I think we have some overheards.
Here we go.
Hi, Dave and Graham, an amazing guest.
This is Emily from Ottawa calling in with an overheard.
I was talking with my seven-year-old niece and five-year-old nephew about Halloween costumes recently.
And my niece said she was going to be Merida from the movie Brave.
I said, I have red curly hair just like Merida.
And my nephew said, without even looking away from the tv yeah right your hair is beige thanks love it ouch
oh harsh review yeah um well off i go your hair is beige like uh like a ken doll yeah or just like pantyhose don't pantyhose come in beige
nude your hair is nude that would be very weird if your hair was like match your yeah your skin
tone exactly and it just looked like like just an outgrowth of your skull oh sure like uh yeah like
like weird skin hair yeah yeah yeah like it was all just part
of it's all one unit i guess that's what a lot of those like a lot of those star wars aliens look
like that they look like they have hair that's actually just part of their head here's your next
phone call hey david graham uh this is chalk calling from Muskegon, Michigan, calling in with an overheard.
I was at a local thrift store today, and there were elderly men and women at the end of the aisle just talking.
I wasn't paying much attention, but then I heard the woman say,
you know they eat a lot of horse meat over there.
And the guy said, oh yeah, over in Europe.
And then she continued to go on about the history and how there were work animals, and you don't eat your animals.
But once they got the taste for the meat, they couldn't get enough of it.
The guy then chimes in and says, huh, isn't history interesting?
History of horse meat.
Yeah.
And, I mean, wasn't it, where in Europe is it that they eat horse meat?
I'd say it's pretty, like you can get it in grocery stores pretty much everywhere.
Really?
I've seen it.
I guess, eh?
I've seen it once.
When Abby's family lived in Bern, we took a road trip to France, the big grocery store in, I want to say the town was Malouse.
Mm-hmm.
And there was horse.
Huh.
The way that you would have like veal here, like there was a tiny section where there
was horse.
Right.
Huh.
Yeah.
I don't, uh, yeah, I guess I don't know.
I guess on one hand, I don't know why.
On one hoof.
Yeah, one hoof, why we eat any animals and then some on the other hoof, why don't we eat all the animals?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, why don't you have one of these giant beetles that I've boiled?
You can hear it scream.
Yeah, it turns red when you boil it.
The final overheard of episode 500.
I know.
Off I go.
Hey, guys.
It's Teresa in Los Angeles.
I'm at the playground.
Nice.
And there's these two kids and two moms.
And one of the kids is on a swing.
And the other kid is, like, waiting for the swing.
And one of the moms comes up to the kids and says,
Henry, it's time to finish up your turn because Henry's been waiting
and it's going to be Henry's turn now and you've had a good long turn.
And the other mom goes, oh, well, does Henry want a turn on the swings?
Henry, do you want a turn on the swings?
And the little boy who isn't swinging is like, yeah.
And they're like, okay.
And so then they're kind of like talking.
little boy who isn't swinging is like, yeah.
And they're like, okay.
And so then they're kind of like talking.
And then the boy who isn't swinging starts like walking,
like kind of like toddling over to the swings.
And he's getting a little bit too close.
And one of the moms was like, oh, Henry, Henry, look out.
Henry, that's too high.
And the other mom was like, Henry, stop. And then they both start yelling, Henry, Henry.
It's not that common of a name.
It is now.
Is it?
It's like Henry and Oscar.
Oh, Oscar.
They're going old timey.
Yeah.
Henry is, I honestly, like I never met anybody named.
You were born too early or too late.
Yeah, that's right.
Maybe if I lived maybe somewhere European.
Henri.
Henri.
Je mange le cheval.
Henri.
Henri.
Henri travaille
boulangerie
avec
Trying to conjugate
his
girlfriend
how do you say his?
son
yeah it would be son amie
yeah yeah yeah
or sa blonde
the his it doesn't exist in French Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or sablound.
The his, it doesn't exist in French.
The article conforms to the object, not the subject.
Oh, boy.
I think.
Is that right?
I haven't Frenched in a while.
Yeah, but I also.
Really?
Dave.
You know what?
Take Abby out for lobsters.
For lobsters?
You can buy any of the lobsters on the menu.
We just have the one, Atlantic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I guess there's only one type that people.
When we went on our honeymoon to Turks and Caicos.
Yeah. They had lobsters everywhere
and they were a different kind.
Cool.
Caribbean lobsters?
Hmm.
Caribbean lobsters, maybe?
Either Caribbean or Caribbean.
And then there's also, like,
I know there's giant lobsters.
Ah!
Where?
In your wildest dreams.
Ah!
Oh, well. well guys thanks for listening
this is so dumb
it's such a dumb thing
we do
and it makes us so happy
that people listen
it's so much fun
don't let this be
the first episode
you listen to
too late now
and also don't let it
be the last
and don't let your children
go up to be cowboys
yeah but
you know what
teach your children well
and our house is a very very fine house absolutely And don't let your children go up to be cowboys. Yeah, but you know what? Teach your children well.
And our house is a very, very fine house.
Absolutely.
Now, as we set off the top of the show. As we close down the old mirror.
I meant to say curtain.
Yeah, yeah.
That's okay.
Put a curtain over a mirror.
Oh, sure.
And every time you open it, hi there.
Yeah. Oh, sure. And every time you open it, hi there. Yeah.
Oh, what a beautiful day.
As we set off the top, here's what's going on.
Thank you for listening. Bye.
And away we go.
What you got to do is you got to follow Stop Podcasting on Twitter.
Yes.
Is that going to be the name of the account forever?
I don't know.
Who can say,
but probably,
uh,
and you should join our Facebook group.
That is where you will see pictures and videos of things we talked about in the show.
Like John Stamos.
If there's a funny John Stamos video,
you've never,
that we would never uncover.
Send it our way.
We'll share it.
Also, you know i'd like to see any and all uh pictures of uh the penguin and or uh billy crystal any and all pictures of
billy crystal send us 10 000 pictures if you can find a picture of billy crystal dressed as the
penguin gold star wasn't he the Penguin in Batman Returns?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, Batman.
Hey, you crazy cat.
The Catwoman?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
And then they both said, she's Catwoman.
I'm a crazy bat.
And on and on and on.
It was a long movie.
Has Billy Crystal done a villain turn? and on and on. It was a long movie. What was, what, has he done like a, uh,
has Billy Crystal done a, like a
villain turn? Robin
Williams did a few. He played
the devil in Deconstructing
Harry. Okay.
Um,
and, uh, if you like the show,
please do tell your friends and come
on back next week for another episode of
Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Well, off I go.
Maximumfun.org
Comedy and culture. Artist owned.
Listener supported.