Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 522 - Debra DiGiovanni
Episode Date: March 19, 2018Debra DiGiovanni returns to talk moms, crepes, and Canadian frozen foods....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 522 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who has three tips for a successful spring.
And three tits.
He's got three tits.
Like the gal from Total Recall.
He's got three tips for a successful spring, Mr. Dave Shovka.
Yeah, I do.
First, location.
It's got to be between
winter and summer.
Second,
hay fever.
Got to get some of that.
And for a successful spring,
picnics.
Oh, yeah.
See? Three great tips
that anybody can use.
That's what's great about this.
Our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, very funny comedian.
If you're in the San Francisco area, April 11th, she will be at the Punchlines Comedy Club.
Debra DiGiovanni is our guest.
Hello.
Hello.
Hi, boys.
Hi, Debra.
I appreciate those tips.
I'm going to write them down.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah. We'll go back and listen and write them down. All right. Good deal. Hello. Hi, boys. Hi, Debra. I appreciate those tips. I'm going to write them down. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
We'll go back and listen and write them down.
All right.
Good deal.
Yes.
I'm going to write them down.
Not right now.
I'm very busy right now.
I'm doing a podcast.
But I'll remember them.
And then I'll write them down so I remember them.
Thank you for coming back on the podcast.
Always a pleasure.
Yeah, right?
Truly a pleasure.
Yeah.
You know what is fun, too?
It's like whenever I post, I'm going to be in Vancouver
and everyone's like,
are you doing the podcast?
Are you doing the podcast
yourself?
I'm like,
look it,
I will ask.
Leave it alone.
Yeah.
I'm very busy.
Yeah,
that's true.
Leave our guests alone,
listeners.
Yeah,
like they're,
unless you want to just say,
hey,
you know what?
I think you're really,
you're really great.
You should maybe ask the boys
if you can do it again.
Nicely.
Please.
Oh, should we get to know us?
Yeah.
Get to know us.
Debra.
Yes.
Debra, what it is, bro.
Yeah, what it is.
What it is.
Yeah.
That felt completely abnormal to me.
That was not, it didn't, whatever.
It happened.
We can't go back.
We can't go back.
It's out there.
You talk jive.
No.
I was going to fake it, but I can't.
What's new?
What's exciting?
What's new and exciting?
Still in L.A., glad to be alive.
You know what I mean?
Sure.
Yeah, I did.
Is that one of those near-death experience kinds or just?
Just glad to be alive, generally speaking. Just every day is a gift. Well, I do feel like every time I go to sleep that one of those near-death experience kinds or just? Just glad to be alive, generally speaking.
Just every day is a gift.
Well, I do feel like every time I go to sleep, it's a near-death experience, isn't it?
Like, don't you go, is this the night?
Maybe it is.
Oh, yeah.
And then you wake up and go, not the night.
And then that's how I wake up.
So when you are just about to fall asleep, do you think of like, oh, boy, what have I
left in my, what will people find?
Yes.
I am aware of that now.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I really am.
Like, I keep my apartment tidy,
but there's also things of like,
you know,
you clear your browser history,
you make sure that every night,
every night,
every,
I,
but now it's different though now too,
because now,
you know,
you know,
I'm sober.
Like that was like before,
like nothing we're going to find in my house now.
Nothing,
nothing at all.
Yeah.
Honestly,
there's nothing really,
which is sort of,
maybe that it's not like it tells you where you're, how you're living your life. There's nothing humiliating in my body. Yeah. Nothing at all. Yeah. Honestly, there's nothing really, which is sort of, maybe that it's not like it tells you where you're,
how you're living your life.
There's nothing humiliating in my body.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nothing at all.
Just porn.
Maybe you should just keep like one weird,
one weird thing.
They'd be like,
Ooh,
that's a,
that's a level we didn't know about.
Do you know what I mean?
Something.
Just like a puppet.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
That's a good idea.
Marionette in the closet.
What?
That is,
we didn't know that about her. That's a good idea. Marionette in the closet. What? That is, we didn't know that about her.
That is weird.
Yeah.
Who is marionettes of you two?
Levels and levels.
Levels and levels upon levels.
Have you been puppeted?
Yeah, I have.
You do have a puppet.
I can see it right now.
It has a hat on.
It's like a muppety looking guy.
Yeah.
Not me, man.
No puppet? Someone please make a puppet, man. No, no, no puppet?
Someone please make a puppet of David.
No, don't.
It will steal your soul.
Yeah.
And I'm going to get a letter that's like, hey, David, I'm almost done with the puppet.
Can you send me your hair?
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Ooh.
Are you afraid of puppets at all?
I'm not unafraid of puppets.
There is that moment of like, that's great.
Oh God, it's coming close to me.
There is a little, they can be creepy.
They can be possessed easily, I think.
What are the most creepy kind of harmless things?
What are you most afraid of?
By the way, the lights did flash on and off.
Oh my God, the puppets are here listening.
Is it like a doll?
An old porcelain doll?
An old porcelain doll is very scary.
Like, you know what?
When you were saying our puppets are scary,
I thought of like the old sort of Punch and Judy like this,
sort of like the old, you know, with the really pink cheeks.
They're weird.
That's weird.
Yeah, yeah.
But like a little lamb chop, like sock puppet, that's not scary. That's fine. That's weird. Yeah, yeah. But like a little lamb chop, like sock puppet,
that's not scary.
That's fine.
That's adorable and sweet.
Yeah.
Remember that one?
And then,
but like, yeah,
but anything,
I think anything like made of like porcelain
or glass or something is weird.
Yeah, or anything that has like a sheen to the skin.
Exactly.
That's a little strange.
Or like glassy,
glassy eyes.
Yes, glassy eyes.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But a sock puppet in general
is I feel like
is safe
and not murderous
do you know what I mean
I think you're right
I feel like that might be
you know what I mean
that's the given
I've definitely stayed
in places where
the guest room has
a doll
or something
or a mask
on the wall
yeah some sort of
weird mask
yes
it's weird
but anyone that
collects dolls,
that's,
that's a weird one.
Yeah.
Don't write us and say,
and get mad.
But it's,
it's a little odd.
Just know that.
And don't have your doll write us.
No,
no.
Oh my God.
A tiny letter.
This,
hi,
it's Chester.
My owner is not weird.
My owner is cool.
Yeah,
I feel like the R's would be backwards.
Like,
you know how they give kids,
you know,
that kind of thing.
So creepy. So waking up every day. You're waking up every day the R's would be backwards. Like, you know, are they good kids? That kind of thing. So creepy.
So waking up every day.
You're waking up every day.
It's a great thing.
I'm alive.
It's taken us a long time
to get to waking up every day.
This is it.
We're just going to go through
every moment of my day.
That's what I do.
I wake up.
I open my eyes.
I sit up for a minute.
And then, no.
Back to bed. Yeah. And then, back to up for a minute. And then back to bed.
Yeah, and then back to bed.
I'm alive.
Go back to sleep.
Let's try this again.
One more time, sleep.
Come and get me, is what I say.
That's weird.
No, I'm good.
I did Conan this last week.
Let's mention that, and then we'll move on.
I did Conan for the first time on February 26th.
Congratulations.
That was very nice.
Thank you very much.
And it was a good time.
Conan for the first time on February 26th. Congratulations.
That was very nice.
Thank you very much.
And it's a good time.
And they tape,
I've always thought this was the interesting thing
is that it's taped in the afternoon.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah.
The show is 4.30 to 5.30 and you're done.
That's it.
But is there no talk show that's live at the time?
Live with Regis and Kelly.
Oh, there you go.
It's not Regis anymore. It's Ryan Seacrest.
Is that the only one though? I think so.
Like Ellen for sure not.
I mean, everybody. You know what I found out
about Colbert, apparently for the stand-up
on Colbert, apparently they tape like
five comics on the same night
and then they just shift them.
They say, you're going to be on March 7th.
You're going to be on April 16th.
Yeah, so they do all,
which I actually think
to do stand-up
on a late night show,
that might be the way to do it.
I mean,
it sucks if you're the first comic,
but if you're the third comic,
you're like,
yeah,
let's do it.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Have comedy warming up for you.
Oh,
oh,
oh.
And then,
does he come and shake the hand
or no,
they just cut back to him?
That I don't know.
That I'm not sure.
That's a good question.
The suits.
Yeah.
Oh,
yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, gosh. That's a good question. The suits. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, gosh.
That's a very good detail. Yeah.
You're very detailed.
And I think they do
carpool karaoke live.
Oh, is that true?
Yeah.
I think they're driving around
at that time
in the middle of the night.
They're in traffic.
You can see traffic moving around.
Yeah.
I really believe it.
But was the,
was like, was the Tonight Show, was it ever? No. No, it was always in the day. They're in traffic. You can see traffic moving around. Yeah. I really believe it. But was the, was like,
was the Tonight Show,
was it ever?
No.
No.
No, it was always in the afternoon.
Yeah.
But I feel like back in the day,
they also used to be drunk
on the Tonight Show.
That's fair.
So they were drunk at 4.30.
At 4.30.
Like Burt Reynolds was drunk
and had to drive home
in rush hour traffic.
That's about it.
But that would be,
I mean,
that would be hard though.
Maybe like,
a late night show.
Come in audience at 11 PM.
What the hell?
Maybe like Ed Sullivan was Ed Sullivan on it.
Like eight.
Yeah.
Maybe Ed Sullivan.
I feel like he was,
he was he nightly or was he weekly?
I think he was weekly.
I feel like he might've been like a seven o'clock on a Sunday.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a very,
yeah.
A little Disney.
Do you remember magic?
Am I?
I forget.
The magical world of Disney.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I remember that.
It was Sunday night dinner.
That was the only night we were allowed to eat in front of the TV.
There would be, I feel like it was bracketed by the show, Canadian show, Raccoons, was somehow on one side or the other.
I'm going to take your word for that.
Yeah, magical world of Disney.
I didn't like it.
Never been a Disney head.
Once that 5 p.m., I feel like it was on at 5,
that sort of the intro they had.
You saw the castle.
You maybe saw Tinkerbell.
For a while, it was like Mike Eisner would come on,
and he would say like, hey, hey, buddy.
Well, you know it was on right before in Canada.
The only reason I saw it is because that's when Street Sense ended.
Oh. Street Sense and then
right into the magical world of Disney?
For anyone who wasn't born in
Canada in 1980,
Street Sense was a show, a consumer
affairs show for kids.
Starring Jonathan Torrance.
I don't know why it's not still around.
Yeah, it should be. We need that.
I could use it for adults.
They'd have kids and they'd test deodorant. Yeah, it should be. Yeah. We need that. Yeah. I could use it for adults. Yeah.
They'd have kids and they'd test deodorant.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And it would be like.
And that was Torrance?
That was Jonathan Torrance?
Yeah.
And like three or four hosts.
Yeah.
And then they would have a product.
They'd have a bad guy, Ken Pompadour, who was.
He was a corporate. He was a corporate shill who was trying to get some bad product on the air.
And then they would, you know, every week they'd have a product that some kid would complain about.
And it would be fit for the pit.
Yeah, they would throw it in a pit.
Wow.
See, I'm too old for this.
I don't remember that at all.
You remember, but you remember Magical World of Disney.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
That's it.
Because I know I'm older than you.
I'm older than you guys.
Like, you know, there's that like.
No, Debra, no.
No, no.
Debra, you don't be so hard on yourself.
You know, there's that like high school generation.
Like if you're five years older than someone that you're on different pages.
Yeah.
It's just that it's enough.
Yeah.
It is.
Exactly.
It's like if I was graduating high school and you were joining, that's it.
We have, we have.
Where are you in the family?
I'm the fourth of five.
Okay. Yeah. So like, because I only? I'm the fourth of five. Okay.
Yeah.
So like, because I only know about older stuff because I had older siblings.
Fair.
But I'm the youngest, so I don't know anything after me.
How many siblings?
I'm the youngest of 12.
You're lying.
For sure.
Yeah.
No, no.
Oh, that would be awful.
No, yeah, that's true.
I'm the youngest of 12.
I mean, we all had bowl cuts.
It was Dave, Danny, Dorphin, Darwin,
which is a weird name for a religious family that had 12 kids.
No, youngest of four.
Still, a lot.
What about you?
Oldest of three.
Ah.
Yeah.
And, yeah, I feel like my brothers and I, we all know Street Sense and Magical World of Disney.
Yeah.
But, you know, my eldest sister, like I never, we never had that influence of like, like the awesome stuff that she liked because she wasn't awesome.
I'm sorry.
No offense to you, but she wasn't.
You know what I mean?
She was, she was a bit of a bookworm.
She was the nerd.
She loved Jesus very early a bookworm. She was a nerd. She loved Jesus
very early in her life.
Right.
And like,
so it was never like,
I got my musical influence
from my sister.
No, that was,
that never happened.
You know what I mean?
Like your older brother
or sister that you were like,
oh, I love, you know,
Zeppelin because of them.
And that just,
that wasn't her at all.
You didn't get into Jesus
because of her?
Totally into Jesus.
Totally.
Deep.
My sister, you know, she showed me some of his B-sides.
His early work was, I mean, it was out there.
It was out there.
A lot of tables and chairs.
Oh, that's a good one.
Come on.
Everybody with the carpenter days.
Yeah, that's one that you could reach across the aisle. Oh with the carpenter days. 18 to 28.
Oh, come on, guys.
I mean, I'm assuming that the
Jesus-y stuff started around 28.
You died at 33, am I right?
Yeah. His
Jesus-ing stuff. Just like David
Koresh. Oh, my God.
They're in the club together. But how old
was Hendrix when he died? 27.
27.
Janice Joplin. Janice Joplin. But how old was Hendrix when he died? 27. 27, okay. So was...
Janis Joplin.
Janis Joplin.
Kurt.
Kurt was too.
Was he 27 as well?
Kurt was 27 too.
Amy Winehouse?
Yep.
Wow.
Jim Morrison.
27?
Yeah.
See, Jim Morrison
always seemed sort of old to me.
Am I wrong?
Didn't it feel like he was like...
He had too many phases
for someone so young.
For someone so young, for sure.
And I also feel like Jimi Hendrix felt older to me, too.
Because it was just like he was so talented that you're just like, how are you only 27?
Yeah.
And he always had a mustache.
Yeah.
Which I feel like.
Which always feels like an old man.
And like, if you know anything about his history, like he was in the army and he played in bands.
So like he was, all that happened in like five years
yeah
that's weird
and they're still releasing
like
sessions
yeah what a
what a crazy five years
that was
I know
wow
that was no sleep
oh boy
at all
what have we done
basically in the last five years
I recorded some pretty hot licks
yeah
I was in the army
I don't know if you guys know
oh really
it's a secret
well I'm only 22,
so these five years
are just beginning for me.
They're going to be so good.
I look forward to it.
Who did you get
your cool stuff from,
if not from an older sibling?
No, it was from an older sibling,
but it was like the second oldest.
My sister Erica
was sort of the cooler one.
She was the troublemaker
in the family for sure.
What kind of trouble
did she get up?
She just was. Erica, she was, I wouldaker in the family for sure. What kind of trouble? She just was Erica.
She was,
I would,
you know,
definite black sheep of family.
Like that's what Erica was just a troublemaker.
She just,
she had,
you know,
boyfriends,
she drank and,
you know,
she was a cigarette.
She was just,
she was the bad one.
Like,
I definitely remember,
um,
like going on like a family vacation and I was probably like,
maybe like 14,
13 turning 14. So she would have been like 15 turning 16 and I remember like we'd get up my father would always be like
okay you gotta get up we're gonna leave at 5 30 in the morning and be calm down dad and my sister
Erica would have been at a friend's house and slept over stayed out all night we're waiting
for Erica at the door we're all sitting in the driveway in the station wagon waiting for Erica
and then the car would pull up and it would be like a bunch of boys and the door. We're all sitting in the driveway in the station wagon waiting for Erica. Oh, man. And then the car would pull up
and it would be like
a bunch of boys
and the door would open
and like,
she would fall out of the car
in a puff of smoke.
Like, legit.
And like, drunk.
Drunk off her ass.
And my dad would be like,
get in the car.
And she would,
she would stumble
into the station wagon
and then we'd have to drive
for 13 hours
with my sister
who would be like,
just hung over at like 16. It's detoxing. Just sitting this all that i'm that's that's booze that's not
beer i smell it it's booze that's hard liquor and that's almost how we started every vacation like
that it's like something out of a john hughes movie exactly right but i also can't imagine the psychedelic furs was playing i can't imagine my parents being like oh it's just beer it's like something out of a John Hughes movie totally exactly right and like the psychedelic furs was playing
I can't imagine my parents being like
oh it's just beer it's fine
oh they were mad
so the entire drive the 13 hour drive
like booze is worse
it would just be basically
mom and Erica yelling at each other
and all of us just sitting
and I always had to sit in the back
the back seat
the back back
as we called it
me and my brother
facing the wrong direction
facing the back
what is going on behind us
look at this
my neck
I can't keep
you know
you have a twin
I have a twin
why don't they put the twins
in the side by side seats
you would think so
but they didn't
it was always me
and my little brother
in the back
that is some black sheep
it is
and I also remember
my family denies this but I I'm like, nice try.
I remember, I remember on road trips, because I was always a kid that got car sick.
So my mother would give me a gravel, which is, you know, Americans won't know what that
is.
It's like a dramamine.
But it's like, yeah.
And so, yeah, gravel's Canadian.
But it was at the time, like there was no like non-drowsy, like it would knock you out.
Like, I think like mom just gave it to us to shut us up in the car.
She'd be just like, take this and goodbye.
And then that would be it.
So then I would sleep.
And I definitely remember waking up in the station wagon with a blanket over me while my family was inside Howard Johnson's having clams.
And I'd be like, did I miss dinner?
Did I miss dinner?
Oh, I just blew that.
Oh, man.
And I feel like I missed dinner
like fried clams and stuff
I'll be like but
you're still mad about that one dinner
I'm not gonna lie
I'm pretty mad
someone owes me
some fries
they put a blanket over you
like a parakeet
just to keep me safe
exactly
it's night time
I don't know
exactly
just to put it back there quietly
but I feel like it was
I don't know
to keep me safe
or something
so no one knew
what was
what's that body-shaped
lump in the back?
And they swear
that never happened
that I was like,
wrong.
That for sure happened.
No,
it was just one of your
night terrors.
Could have been.
Your recurring dream.
Sometimes I wake up
with a blanket over my face.
That's why I'm glad I'm alive.
You inherited your mother's
sense of smell
and you're like,
you and clams. That's not I'm glad I'm alive. You inherited your mother's sense of smell. And you're like, you and clams.
That's not regular clams.
That's hard clams.
Were all your family vacations car-based?
Yes, yeah.
Carbon-based?
A lot of carbon footprints.
No, because we were such a big family.
We couldn't fly anywhere.
There's seven of us.
Right.
There's no one.
I mean, like, I don't know.
That was it, you know?
So we drove in the station wagon.
God bless my father.
We just.
Yeah.
And we did a lot from, you know, because we were outside of Toronto, like two hours, two and a half hours outside of Toronto, southwestern Ontario.
Tilsonburg.
Tilsonburg.
That's it.
So we would always go to a place called Ogunquit in Maine.
So we would just drive straight down.
Right.
And that's, that's, that was about 13 hours in the car.
And my poor dad, my mother would never drive.
It was just, but I always feel like mothers never did the driving.
It was always like dad just drove the entire way.
Yeah.
And sometimes with like, you know.
My mom was kind of on sandwiches.
Yes.
Mom was on, you know, throwing shoes to keep us quiet and like snacks and, you know, stuff like that.
And my dad would almost nod off. throwing shoes to keep us quiet and snacks and stuff like that.
And my dad would almost nod off.
All my dad's cars have a mark on the dashboard from when just my mom puts her foot up and sleeps
while he drives forever.
Yeah, yeah.
They're sleeping and he's like, you know.
Years and years of a shoe resting on it.
Oh, yeah.
And we would never listen to music.
Oh, really?
My family, honestly we never listened to music. Like my dad, my family,
honestly,
like it was,
I listened to music and I think one of my sisters,
but nobody else
listened to music.
My dad would never
turn the radio on
or if they did,
it was always like,
like,
like John Denver
or like Nana Muscuri.
Yeah.
That was it.
We'd be like,
please dad,
please.
And be like,
we're listening to
Roger Whitaker.
What?
Please?
The radio. And it was never loud. So I remember like getting Walkmans and be like, we're listening to Roger Whitaker. What? Please? The radio.
And it was never loud.
So I remember like getting Walkmans and being like,
this is the greatest moment of my life.
Yeah.
And going through like 70 batteries because I was just like,
block out the family.
You know what I mean?
That was it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know.
I do envy the kids of today with either the built-in screen.
Oh, come on.
I think the built-in screen must be over by now.
Yeah, but like having screens.
Oh, yeah, having any sort of entertainment in the car.
Yeah.
I mean, we played games, but, you know.
I feel like that, like a car, you know,
a really nice car from 10 years ago
would have those screens in the back
and like a DVD player,
and no one buys DVDs anymore.
What do they have now
in cars?
I think you just give
your kids a tablet.
Yeah, fair enough.
Because otherwise
you're like,
do you want to watch
our DVD of The Matrix?
Like what DVDs
do people own?
We've seen it a thousand times.
Do you want to watch
season one of The Wire?
Yeah, do you want to watch
Roger Whitaker live?
That's on 8-track.
Does this car play 8-tracks?
Yeah, that was the same.
In my family, we would go down to Montana because that was just across the border.
And you're exactly right.
It's that same thing.
Dad would drive.
Yeah, the whole way.
We didn't have, in our station wagon, the back windows didn't roll down.
They had like a tiny little
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's awful.
Yeah.
And so no,
yeah,
no ventilation whatsoever.
And I think I remember
like bringing like
a comic book,
finishing it in 10 minutes
and then just staring
at the artwork
for another 10 hours.
I could never read in the car.
Could you read in the car?
I could read in the car.
Oh, I could not.
That would make me car sick. Yeah, same. For sure, for sure. I'm never read in the car. Could you read in the car? I could read in the car. Oh, I could not. That would make me car sick.
Yeah, same.
For sure, for sure.
I'm still like Abby.
The reason Abby,
I drive all the time
so Abby can look at her phone
because if I look at my phone,
I'll get car sick.
I can't scroll for sure.
Oh, really?
No, yeah, not in a car.
It makes me ill.
Yeah, well, I guess I'm blessed.
Well, I guess you are.
Look at you.
We also used to,
there was a couple years
where my father
thought it was a good idea to get a motor home for holidays, which is, let me tell you, not a good idea.
But why?
It sounds foolproof.
How is that possible?
Yeah.
It was, oh God.
They don't look like they can sleep seven.
They really can't.
And it's just, it's a terrible monstrosity.
And I feel like my dad was always like, you know, God bless him. He was trying so hard. And it's just, it's a terrible monstrosity. And I feel like my dad
was always like,
you know,
God bless him,
he was trying so hard,
but it was just terrible.
And there was a couple years
where we would bring
our dog with us
and that,
by the way,
awful idea.
Because we always got schnauzers
because my dad was allergic
to most dog hair.
And so schnauzers,
apparently,
I don't know,
they don't shed,
whatever.
So schnauzers,
lovely.
But we always,
like,
I think we had three schnauzers
in our life.
And we would get it from a breeder who was clearly, you know, whatever. So schnauzers, lovely. But we always, like, I think we had three schnauzers in our life and we would get it from a breeder who was clearly, you know, crooked because the first dog was deaf and
the second one was blind.
And the third one was just a small lump.
No, I'm kidding.
But the first one was, the first one was deaf.
And we did, I mean, you can't, because because a little deaf dog like any time if you couldn't
see you you would reach in to touch it and she would rip your hand off like that was it was
biting strangers don't touch the dog because you know what i mean unless you were looking in the
face hello that was it you had to have full eye contact because which is actually a good message
a message for life yeah a full eye contact before you touch anybody. Let's always make sure
to establish full eye contact.
Yeah.
Hello.
So,
but yeah,
the motorhome,
those were,
oh yeah,
those were.
Well,
yeah,
where did you sleep?
Terrible,
miserable.
Often,
like sometimes we would sleep
in the motorhome,
but often it was just like,
you know,
two hotel rooms or something
like we would just,
but I just feel like it was,
you know,
there was a bathroom
and like,
you know,
there was a fridge and stuff.
So it just, I do remember that you know, there was a bathroom and like, you know, there was a fridge and stuff. So it just,
I think it made
the driving easier.
sharing a hotel room
with your sibling.
Oh yeah.
That was really fun.
Oh gosh,
yeah.
Being in a hotel room,
oof.
Yeah.
Oh,
the gross.
And like,
yeah,
like,
you know,
you're a kid,
you don't know
how gross everything is.
Yeah,
yeah.
You don't really know,
like,
oh,
this is where creeps go
to do their stuff.
This is where, you know know some road comic was uh oh yeah that's true now that you think about it now it's just like oh gross but as a
child you were probably licking the curtains i mean yeah that is just well i would yeah we'd
always if it was a the family stay in a hotel we'd stay in one. Oh, yeah. The five of us would all be in one.
And that was like.
That's chaos.
It was chaos.
Yeah.
Because then it was two brothers to a bed.
Would someone sleep on the floor?
Get a cot or something?
Yeah.
Bring out the cot.
Not you.
You're the oldest.
You never had to sleep in the cot.
You'd want the cot.
Oh, yeah.
Because that was freedom.
Fair.
You'd be able to do whatever you wanted. But yeah, if you sleep want the cot. Oh, yeah. That was freedom. You'd be able to do whatever you wanted.
But yeah,
if you sleep with your brother,
oh man,
and they kicked
and we,
you know,
they was falling out of bed
and all sorts of calamity.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh my goodness.
Yeah.
I remember,
I remember like there's,
you go through,
I think you do go through
a phase of like
a period of your life
when you have siblings
or like especially more
than like one sibling where you share beds with your siblings.
I mean, that's just it. I remember there being three of us in beds at some points.
Do you know what I mean? Like at a hotel, like a big bed. They're like, you're small.
We also, I don't know if I've, I might've said this to you before on this, but we used to also
like, I don't, I don't know why, but like we used to run out of hot water
at our house all the time with, with, you know, seven people.
Like, so the mornings for showering, it was like, it was just, it was nonstop.
Like you would just go.
So it would be like, I would be in the shower and then my twin sister, Joanne would get in behind me.
So there'd be moments where Joanne and I were in the shower together.
I would leave.
And then, you know what I mean?
Like there was, and sometimes it would also work out where my cousin Christina would also be a part of the showering group.
So it would be like Deborah, Joanne, and then Christina would get in there.
Like you were never really alone in the shower for very long.
There was always someone coming behind you.
It was always like, Joanna's getting in there.
You just did because there wasn't enough hot water.
Maybe my sister just started showering at night.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Smart.
And that became a routine.
Good for her.
But yeah.
Oh, gosh. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Like smart. And that became a routine. Good for her. But yeah. Oh gosh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think,
uh,
yeah.
Cause we only had one bathroom.
So it was just like.
For the brothers or for everyone?
For everyone.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Same thing.
We had like one and a half bathrooms.
So there was one shower for seven people.
Yeah.
There was a scary,
basically like a hose coming out of the wall in the basement.
Nobody used that. I don't think you should to be honest i've got to say but isn't that funny now like i mean i would like a family of seven would they even dream of living in a house with one
bathroom yeah that seems like yeah savagery doesn't it it's like that you know i mean why
would you buy a house with one bathroom it's close to schools fair enough
fair enough good neighborhood yeah yeah it's got a pool so two kids could just bathe in the pool
oh we would have killed for a pool oh yeah right yeah absolutely our neighbors had a pool never
swam in it no and we'd be standing there at the fence like were there kids yeah and they like
they never swam it we just hang out by the fence until someone would be like,
do you kids want to go?
Yes.
And then we would just,
we'd pop our clothes,
always wearing bathing suits,
always ready at any time.
Always ready to swim.
I'm ready to swim.
It sucks.
Yeah.
I think that's,
that really is the mark of a kid is that you're always ready to swim.
Always.
Like you're given the option.
No matter what it is. You know what I mean?
You want to go swimming?
How do you already...
Go on.
Just in case.
But now it would...
Oh, it would be
such an ordeal.
I know.
You go swimming
fairly often.
Yeah, yeah.
But it's at a...
It's not at a house.
No.
Like, you go to, like,
a community center
or something?
Yeah.
Public swimming?
It's...
But it's like... You know, it has a change room.
It isn't, that is an ordeal.
The swimming itself is great.
But that's like, are the girls taking lessons or is it just something to do?
They have done lessons, but, uh, they're sort of, I mean, at this age, lessons are just sort of to get you used to the water.
They just bob them around in the water.
Yeah.
And now Margo just loves jumping in and she likes putting on goggles and getting stuff off the bottom.
She can't swim forward at all.
No, she'd sink like a stone and come back up.
But she can go down to get a thing and bring it back up.
She can jump.
She can retrieve, but she can't actually move forward.
No, she can't get...
And I hardly can either.
Have you tried swimming lately?
I mean, no, because it's a, such an ordeal.
Yeah.
My, my building has a pool and it was, uh, like it's, you know, it's a small
building and it's got a lovely little pool in the middle, like in the courtyard.
And no one is in the pool.
I've been in that building for three years.
No one goes in the pool.
And last year I was like, I'm in the pool.
I'm in the pool.
I swam all the time last summer.
Like, I'm just like, like until October, cause the weather was so beautiful. And it was like the neighbors would come out and I'd be in the pool i'm in the pool i swam all the time last summer like i'm just like i like until october
because the weather was so beautiful and it was like the neighbors would come out and i'd be in
the pub like i'm in the pool we see you're in the pool weirdo and then other people started swimming
and i was like this is me i did this yeah yeah yeah because i think there's like this thing of
like we can't go in the can we go like can we the pool yeah i've never seen anyone in it there
might be is it lava what is is it? It's just fabulous.
Oh my gosh.
And now like my brain is like,
I can't wait to go in the pool again.
Yeah.
It's the greatest.
I've done laps lately.
Yeah.
And it's,
uh,
I'll,
I'll take a kickboard just cause it's like,
um,
so you can rest.
So yeah,
really?
Because like I hate backstroke.
It's the most boring.
Yeah.
I hate like,
so you like,
you swim to exercise. I, a little bit. Oh, like maybe every couple of weeks I'll backstroke. It's the most boring. Yeah. I hate like. So you like, you swim to exercise.
I, a little bit.
Oh.
Like maybe every couple of weeks I'll go myself.
Yeah.
And I'll do like breaststroke and that's terrible.
I hate that.
So I'll just do, just forward with a kickboard.
And then I'll do a few laps of.
Whatever.
Of freestyle.
What do you call it?
Front crawl.
Yeah.
And that just feels like I'm trying not to drown like
that is the most exhausting thing the only reason i do the kickboard is because you know three or
four laps of front crawl and i have to get out oh yeah yeah i uh that used to be my like my dad's
routine was he would take us swimming just to tire us out. Oh, yeah. Just make us laps. It'll do it. Laps, laps. Oh, gosh.
Wow.
Yeah.
Oh, you wouldn't even let you do horseplay?
I mean, we always managed to fit in a little horseplay, but yeah, it was mostly just laps.
And Speedos?
Speedos early and then, you know.
Trunks.
Yeah, and then into trunks in the teen years, which is too bad because the Speedo really,
you know, that was designed for laps.
Yeah, it was. which is too bad because the speedo really you know that was designed for laps did you ever do
swim lessons with like your class because my school had a we were attached to a high school
that had a uh pool yeah yeah we had we had a school pool and we're and so did you do like
with your classmates yeah you had swimming with them and were they in trunk while you were still
in speedo no that was that
was trunk that was everybody was in trunk okay and then there were definitely a few kids that
had a few boys that still had speedos oh no and i just imagined the conversation when they got home
was like i can't wear these anymore every other boy is wearing cool shorts with designs on we
used to go to the community center for the pool. But I remember high school, and every girl was like, we are not doing this.
Putting on a bathing suit at 14 and 15, you're like, this is not happening.
I'm telling you, every girl in the class was like, we're all on our period.
We've synced.
It's just, there's 19 of you, all of us.
We can't go. I mean, that was every time so i don't
think i feel there was a lot of t-shirt oh there was a lot of t-shirts which is so funny because
it's like i don't know why we would wear a t-shirt because once a t-shirt is wet it is like
it's almost dirtier do you know what i mean it's almost like you're like almost more naked i don't
know why i might be like you're being projected on a screen. Before you were just in a bathing suit.
Now you're in a wet white t-shirt.
That is like weighing you down.
Exactly.
So you're going to be having an even harder time.
Totally, totally.
And like when we did the high school swim lessons,
I remember it was very surprising how many people couldn't swim.
Oh, yeah.
Like it was almost half and half.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Because we, I mean, we just did. half and half. Oh, really? Yeah.
Because we, I mean, we just did.
I remember, you know, all the lessons.
I think the basics for us were, you know,
where we definitely took swimming lessons.
We all took skating lessons.
Yeah.
No, I think those were the two.
That was just like when I was like,
you're learning how to do these and that's it.
That's all.
I don't care what you do after that. Swimming and skiing.
Oh, look at you.
We did swimming, horseback riding.
Shut up.
We did. All of these juniors, 11 siblings. Now, look at you. We did swimming, horseback riding. Shut up.
We did. All of these juniors, 11 siblings.
Now, what were the big school ones?
Swimming.
Maybe there was skating.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I only did basics of skating, though.
Like, that was.
Can you skate backwards?
I couldn't skate now if you paid me.
Like, I'm pretty sure the last time I skated, I might have been 10 when I was skating.
I bet you could.
I bet you could.
I bet I could, too. Yeah. In there somewhere. Skate backwards. That feels challenging. Yeah, yeah might have been 10 when I was skating. I bet you could. I bet you could. I bet I could too.
It's been there somewhere.
Skate backwards.
That feels challenging.
Yeah, yeah.
I can't.
No?
No.
I can skate forward.
I for sure can't.
There's no way.
Stopping yourself?
I can stop, and that's about it.
Stop.
I can just slide into the boards.
That's like, stop.
Is that it?
Yeah.
I know people who, like I played hockey a couple of years, and I know people who play
hockey now sort of like in a beer league.
And it seems really appealing to me, except.
It seems exhausting.
It seems expensive.
Oh, yeah.
I don't want to, like maybe I want to dip my toe back in this.
Okay, well.
Do you have $1,400?
That's true.
Gosh.
Did you ever play hockey?
No.
Both of my brothers did.
So I was like around.
I always ended up having to go to the games because my parents were like, not to be trusted by himself at home.
Fair enough.
Now, when you skied, was it cross country?
Was it downhill?
Downhill.
Oh, wow.
Could you still ski now?
Ah, doubtful.
Yeah, you could.
It's like riding a bike.
You think?
You think you could ride a bike?
Yeah, I could ride a bike.
I've done that more recently than I ski.
We had a bike unit, I think, in grade 6 and 7.
That's pretty nice.
Because our school was sort of near a place you could bike.
I don't know.
And we were going to go on a big bike.
It was near outdoors.
In grade 7, we were supposed to go on this big bike trip,
and then there was a strike.
Bike strike?
A teacher's strike.
Oh, a teacher's strike.
And it lasted for like three or four weeks.
And so our bike trip was canceled.
And to make it up to us, we got to go to the water park that had a campground attached.
And so we went camping for the night.
Oh, cool.
My parents gave me 20 bucks.
And I bought something.
And the woman behind the counter was like, you never gave me 20 bucks.
And so I was just,
I got screwed out of my 20 bucks.
From a child?
She did that to a child?
Yeah.
Probably did it to a lot of children.
Sounds like she was good at it.
Getting fries or something.
All right, where's the money?
I just gave you 20 bucks.
Oh my gosh.
And she put it in my mind
that like,
maybe I lost it.
So I went around asking everyone,
have you seen 20 bucks? Oh my gosh. That's a terrible story. That makes me sad in my mind that like maybe i lost it oh i went around asking everyone have you seen 20 bucks oh
my gosh i that's a terrible story that is that's a very sad in my heart but it was still better
than having to go on a bike trip fair enough fair enough where did you grow up where did you grow
here yeah here okay fair enough yeah the uh do you ski i don't i i snowboarded up until
i don't know eight years years ago, maybe I stopped.
Yeah.
I have the stuff.
Yeah.
You've got the right stuff.
Yeah, you got that right.
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying.
I have mostly space themed snowboard stuff.
Actually, the U.S. snowboard team was wearing like NASA, like they had all white uniforms at the Olympics with like the USA was in the NASA font.
Cool.
I didn't watch much of the Olympics.
No, I didn't watch any.
Yeah, this was the first time I just fell off.
Yeah.
It was sort of like, oh, the Olympics.
Oh, and they're like, it's the closing ceremonies.
Oh, there you go.
That was about it.
Honestly.
Yeah.
I usually tuck in and watch some of it.
Yeah.
Especially the winter.
You know what I mean?
I watch the skating.
Yeah, I love it.
Yeah.
Seeing the ice dancing.
Yeah, so do I.
It's good.
And I like,
I like all the,
um,
the big,
the big jumps when they do on the snowboards and stuff.
I like that.
I think that's watching the girls do it.
That's totally awesome.
I know,
right?
Yeah.
That's cool.
Girl power.
Girls rule the world.
Yeah,
they totally do.
Um,
Dave,
what's going on with you?
Uh,
well,
we last recorded,
uh,
like 18 hours ago.
So what's happened?
We'll get this morning. Uh, we went to, I did a tough hours ago. So what's happened? Woke up this morning.
Uh,
we went to,
I did a Tough Mudder.
Oh,
good for you.
Yeah.
Really early.
Yeah.
And...
You won.
I won the Tough Mudder.
It was,
um,
I did,
it was a father-daughter.
Oh,
yeah.
Father-daughter Tough Mudder.
Father-daughter.
And one of the things
was diving to the bottom
of a pool
and getting, getting changed. Yeah.. And one of the things was diving to the bottom of a pool and getting changed.
And then, you know, it was really hard.
I couldn't remember all the things I was supposed to do in a tough mutter.
You have to do an army style crawl.
Oh my gosh.
Are there tires?
Do you have to run through those tires?
Yeah, we had to do one of those.
There was one where.
There's ballroom dances.
Someone's whipping you
with a live wire.
And then the last leg
is just a bicycle ride.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just a nice,
calm,
tandem ride.
The last leg
is actually a turkey leg
that you have to eat.
Oh,
geez Louise.
Oh,
I wish there was,
I would like to do
a competitive eating
slash Tough Mudder.
Slash obstacle course.
Yeah. That actually would be Just like you have to dive, you know, Tough Mudder. Slash obstacle course.
Yeah.
That'd actually be kind of fun. Just like you have to dive, you know, you have to dive into a big pie.
You have to crawl through.
Eat your way out the other side.
Yeah, crawl through a cobbler.
Crawl through a cobbler.
Oh my gosh.
No, here's what's going on with me.
A few months ago, actually, now, I was at a birthday party
And another dad and I were talking about
How our kids won't eat any food
Yeah
And like Margo
This is what you talk about
Yeah Margo eats you know
Lasagna she's like Garfield scrambled eggs
Seriously?
Yeah
All kids go through that where they won't eat anything?
And it's a reflex
It's like time for dinner No But it's all the through that where they're like, they won't eat anything. And it's a reflex. It's like, time for dinner.
No.
Right.
But it's all the food that I know you like.
Not right now.
So he was like, have you tried making crepes for the kids?
I was like, nope.
But I went and I got a crepe pan.
Oh my God.
A special crepes only pan.
Yeah.
Don't you try to grill a cheese sandwich on there.
And yeah, so I've been in crepe mode the last.
But is she eating crepes?
No.
But you're eating crepes.
I'm eating crepes.
A ton of crepes.
Yeah.
This is it.
What do you like?
Is it a savory, a sweet?
Either way, baby.
Oh yeah.
I haven't done too many.
I've done
your basic uh nutella banana i was just gonna say nutella banana it's classic nutella strawberry
a ham and cheese yeah ham and nutella ham and swiss and nutella and uh i think i think a crepe
suzette oh is just lemon juice and sugar oh that's yeah that sounds very good i've never made a crepe Suzette is just lemon juice and sugar. Oh, that's. Ooh.
Yeah, that sounds very good.
I've never made a crepe, so I don't know what goes into it.
Wow.
A lot of hard work.
Yeah.
Dedication.
A lot of love.
A lot of love.
Some elbow grease.
Yeah.
Some elbow grease.
Some midnight oil.
And some gumption.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, a little gumption.
Half a cup.
But I've seen them make like, you know, at the stands, they have like a circle hot thing.
Yeah.
Pour it on.
And then they rake.
Yeah.
I got,
I got a rake.
Oh,
you've got a crepe rake.
Ooh.
It said,
uh,
customers who bought this also tried a crepe rake.
That sounds like one word.
Crepe rake.
Crepe rake.
And no,
it's a,
the crepe rake is useless.
You just have to use gravity and.
Oh yeah. Yeah. Sluice it around. Elbow grease. Like is useless. You just have to use gravity and yeah.
Sluice it around.
Sluice it around.
Elbow grease, like I said.
Yeah.
Whatever.
It wasn't mine.
No, no, no.
But they're great.
I know.
I'm I'm, I don't like pancakes.
No.
Pancakes do nothing for me.
What about hotcakes?
I don't know the difference.
No, there's no difference.
Uh, but crepes are, have always been, although I never will order them
if there's
any other option
yeah
would you do waffles
though are you a waffle
person or no
I guess not
no me neither
I don't like
what about you
I'll eat a waffle
but again
if it was between
waffles and pancakes
what are you doing
waffle
oh really
yeah
oh not me pancakes
because I want
if I'm going to like
eat a thing
where it's just
going to be like
a syrup festival I want like little, if I'm going to like eat a thing where it's just going to be like a
syrup festival, I want like little.
You want divots.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want little pools.
Exactly.
I'm going to have syrup.
I'm going to have syrup.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I love pancakes.
Like, like we've said it, I'm just like, like, but you know what?
I can make your crepe.
Oh, this might happen.
I will say, uh, I like it now that like, I dig pancakes big time,
but I like that there's so many like,
like just people are really going out on pancakes now.
Do you know what I mean?
Like there is a place in Toronto.
I don't think she has any out here,
but it's called Fresh and it's a lovely vegan restaurant.
And they do these, oh my God,
they do these vegan like banana pancakes
and they're like a little crunchy or something.
I can't even,
like I.
Yeah,
it looks like
you're about to pass out.
Like it really is
just like,
yo!
They're so,
yeah,
I'm into it.
You could make
like a pretty good
vegan restaurant
just out of junk food.
Oh yeah.
Like,
people here are vegan.
They're just believing
that it's healthy.
Yeah.
They get you.
But it could just be like,
you know,
Twinkies and cigarettes.
Yeah,
Twinkies and cigarettes. Good, Twinkies and cigarettes.
Good name for a vegan place.
Or like a band.
Yeah, sure.
Do you just eat one crepe?
No, no, no.
No, no.
You've got to pan out.
It's happening.
Yeah, because, you know, if you're cracking an egg, you have to make some omelets.
Yeah, yeah.
That's the old expression.
Yeah.
Stalin said that, I think.
But I think once you crack an egg, you're looking at at least eight crepes.
Whoa.
Yeah, yeah.
That was always the thing with pancakes, too, though.
But you can keep the batter cold.
Okay.
For a day or so.
Okay.
You ever make pancakes?
Well, that's, yeah, if you make pancakes, that's always the thing with pancakes.
Because it's just like, oh, God, like, how do you only make, like, two pancakes? You can't. Right. Do you know what I mean? Well, that's, yeah, if you make pancakes, that's what was always the thing with pancakes. Because it's just like, oh God, like how do you only make like two pancakes?
You can't.
Do you know what I mean?
Like it's impossible.
The batter, like you're like, I'm just going to, you make 70 or you make two.
And that's like, you can't do it.
Like there's no, so that's the thing.
And then you keep them, you know, oh, I'll just keep them warm under a dish towel.
You know what my mom used to do when we were little?
We would get pancakes and then like whatever, she'd bake them all.
And then when they were cold, she'd keep them in the fridge
and then later she'd put jam on them
and then put them two together so it'd be a little
jam pancake sandwich.
My goodness. Very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Moms know what to do, right? They got the stuff.
Yeah, like I like
little, like a little, little pancake?
Yeah. Silver dollar?
Yeah, like a silver dollar. Well, but any restaurant that calls
them silver dollar, they're not as, they're much bigger than a silver dollar. But any restaurant that calls them silver dollar, they're much bigger
than a silver dollar.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
But I feel like that
is the right size.
Yeah.
Because sometimes
you go to a restaurant
and they've got one
that's as big as a plate.
Oh, they're so big.
Yeah, exactly.
Like a giant.
Yeah, what you want
is this size.
The size of what's
covering your ears
right now on these
headphones.
And then you can
just have a bunch
of little ones.
Yeah.
Yeah, like a CD size, right? Yeah, maybe. Yeah. I like you can just have a bunch of little ones. Yeah. Like a CD size, right?
Is that right?
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah.
I like a little smaller than that.
All right, guys.
Yeah.
We're all different.
That's why life is beautiful.
All the colors of the rainbow.
All the pancakes of the sizes.
Also.
All the pancakes of the griddle.
Also.
What other crepe toppings
should I try?
Are you crepe folks?
No, but no. But it feels like ham and cheese always seems to be the way.
You've nailed it with Nutella.
What else could we do in there?
I mean, seriously, could you put like, what else would go with a crepe?
When I was in Edinburgh, there was this kind of line of food trucks,
and one of them was a crepe truck, and it was open the latest.
So I basically was eating crepe every day.
Crepe a day keeps the doctor at bay.
Crepe break.
Keeps the doctor, like, on speed.
And I had one that was, like, kind of, it was, like, a lot of, like, pizza toppings,
like cheese and tomato sauce and all that stuff, and it was.
Interesting, and it was pretty good.
It was out of sight.
So I was going to say,
you could put a pancake in a grape just to see what happens.
Do you know what I mean?
The world might stop.
Time folds in on itself.
With a little rake.
It just stops it.
Anyway.
So that's me.
I'm a crepe dad now.
That's it.
That's amazing.
I tried to be a bass dad.
Oh.
I'm a crepe dad. Good for you. Oh my gosh. I'm flying crepe dad now. That's it. That's amazing. I tried to be a bass dad. Oh. I'm a crepe dad.
Good for you.
Oh my gosh.
I'm flying down here.
There was the cutest baby in front of me.
Oh my God.
And like,
I,
I think people,
we tease,
oh babies,
I,
I have,
I got no troubles with babies.
I've never,
I've never had a maternal instinct in my life,
but I look at a baby,
I'm like,
that's a cute baby.
Yeah.
She was so cute.
And like,
she just liked my face. Like, I don we did oh god i was i was dying like
she was holding my finger like i went that far and no one was like maybe but this one i was like
like i literally wanted to say i will hold her if you want and i've never in my whole life ever i
don't think i've ever done that like a stranger she was she was so cute like she would like we
would smile and then she was like squealing with joy or something.
I was,
I was,
yeah, I was losing it.
Yeah.
Cute.
I think you're ready.
This is it.
Okay,
Graham.
Oh my,
this is strange.
He's like,
I think you're ready to leave.
Actually,
if you don't mind,
there is the
door
there's a stack of
pancakes by the door
please
clear your browser
history before you
go
oh my gosh
I just thought of
something that
happened but it's
very sad
and I just realized
it is it
did you know
did you know my
mom died
no
I didn't know
yeah my mom died
on January 7th
get out
I know even saying
it feels surreal.
And I just realized, I've been talking about my mom.
I've been saying mom.
My condolences.
Thank you very much.
My mommy passed away on January 7th.
She was sick for
a year and a half.
She was in Ontario still?
Yeah.
Everything, all the cancers.
Just everything. It was lung cancer, bone cancer, you know, everything, all the cancers, just everything.
Was it?
And it was like, it was lung cancer, bone cancer, and brain cancer at the end.
I mean, it was just, yikes.
Did that turn into a big kind of family reunion?
It did.
Like, it sounds, I mean, it's so, whatever, pardon me, listeners, but we're going to be normal and real for a second.
But like, okay, me and my mom.
There, two of them are.
Yeah.
Me and my mom never, we we I was never close with my
mother ever my whole life and then when uh because she had lung cancer about six years ago and then
it went away quickly and then when it came back we were all kind of like yeah so it was sort of
that like probably about 18 months maybe two years 18 months ago when that when we knew the lung
cancer came back like it was like it was literally like she told us and then me and mom were on the
phone we're like oh yeah okay we're done being mad at each other.
We're done.
All right.
Oh wow.
And we were like starting now, we do not talk about the past anymore.
This is it.
And that was really great too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That, like that changed everything.
So I'm very, very grateful.
So like in the last 18 months of my mom's life, like we talked more than we did.
I think my entire life, like that was just accumulation was just so, and then, you know, we went, uh, home,
I went home for Christmas and then everyone came home for, we haven't done that in years
and years.
I mean, truly, I was home for Christmas this year and I think it was the first time in
like 13 years that I'd been home for Christmas.
Wow.
So, and we just, we just had the best Christmas ever.
And it was, it was just great.
And it was like, mom just like held on, like, you know, you know, they hear the stories
and stuff like people.
That's what she did.
She just, it was like, like I got home on Christmas Eve and like, she just said, she was like, I just want to make it to Christmas.
It was like, mom, it's happening.
It's here.
You're you've done it.
And it was Christmas Eve, Christmas day.
And then boxing day, the day after Christmas for our American listeners.
And, um, yeah, she was great.
And then it was like, we all left on December 27th.
She just, she just started to decline.
And then it was just, and then she never really kind of, you know what I mean?
About, by about New Year's day, that was, that was just, we all just kind of like, okay, this is, this is, this is happening.
But I'm so grateful that I had the last, you know, year and a half of her life.
And then Christmas, the Christmas house.
I just, it's like, I'm wow.
The message here is everyone, once your parents get old, you have to stop fighting with them.
You have to, you just do.
Who has the energy?
I mean, yeah.
You know?
Really honestly.
Yeah.
Cause it's just like, they're not going to change.
They're old people.
You've got to, you just, at some point you have to be like, yeah, this is stupid.
We have to, we, we just have to, you have to just forgive
and move on.
And that was,
yeah,
so that was really,
it was great.
I mean,
I'm pretty,
I feel very lucky.
I'm glad you had that Christmas.
And I think maybe like
a turkey cranberry crepe
would be,
yeah,
see Dave over here,
still plodding,
still working.
can we throw,
that would be nice.
Not bad.
We have some stovetop upstairs. I'm just saying, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, that would be nice. Not bad. We have some stove top upstairs.
I'm just saying,
I wouldn't,
I wouldn't,
I would try it.
Yeah.
Why not?
Yeah.
I mean,
I mean anything.
But although,
do you like,
the like turkey,
excuse me,
the Thanksgiving sandwiches.
No,
we really did turn it out.
Now we're going,
but do you ever have the turkey
when they do the Thanksgiving dinner sandwiches?
Yeah.
That is good.
Well,
you mean like.
Like I said,
they go turkey,
stuffing, a little bit of gravy
some cranberry sauce
oh sure
boom
that's good
and don't get me wrong
love you mommy
may you rest
but she would appreciate
that sandwich too
she knew her sandwiches
and that's kind of a
are you still fighting
with your parents
yeah
do you not get along
with your parents
no I get along
with them
of course you do
I knew that
when you're in Calgary
you stay with them yes Okay, well, of course you do. I knew that. Yeah. When you're in Calgary, you stay with them.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah, and my grandmother passed away just a few weeks ago,
and we had the same kind of family reunion thing over in Victoria.
And you know what was really weird?
Everyone, do you have both parents?
Yes.
Okay, grandparents?
No.
Okay, nobody?
No grandparents at all?
My grandparents, I was a child when both of my, I only knew my mom's grandparents.
My dad's parents died.
You don't realize it until you become an adult, but my dad's parents died really young.
They were like 57 and 59.
I mean, that's young.
And they used to be like, well, that's as long as anybody could be expected to live in this.
In this day and age.
But we had such a good time at the funeral,
the week of the funeral and the wake and everything.
Oh my gosh, we had so much fun.
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you understand what I mean?
Yeah, I get it.
But yeah, we just had fun as a family.
So it was really nice.
You know, I was thinking like,
just because we were talking food and then moms.
Okay.
What was your, like, did your mom like have, what was, did you have, did your mom have
like a specialty?
Was your mom a good cook?
Like, was that, I mean, we were, did your dad cook ever or was it just mom?
No, mom was the cook and, and they were both, they both worked.
So it was quick was the thing.
So, you know, it was a lot of shake and bake.
Oh, do you shake and bake?
Does that even exist anymore?
Yeah, it does.
Really?
Oh, wow.
Oh, wow.
You can just
eat the packet.
Do you remember that
wet finger in there?
It was like that
stick,
what was that?
Lick-a-lick-a-lick-a-lick.
That was great stuff.
That would be great.
Savory lick-a-mate.
Oh, my God, right?
Yeah, it's like a vodka flavor licorice. Oh my God. Right. Yeah.
It's like a flavor.
So weird.
But my mom,
my mom was like,
my mom was,
you know,
your basic good cook,
but my mom was the best baker.
She made muffins like to end all other muffins.
Like the,
Oh my God.
And she also made really good soup.
Oh my God.
Oh yeah.
But the best muffins really good.
Um,
she used to make really good pie. And I remember like we always, my mother, my mother didn't work. It the best muffins, really good. She used to make really good pie.
And I remember like we always,
my mother,
my mother didn't work.
It was,
you know,
my daddy was my dad,
my mommy was my mom.
So we,
I had a very,
you know,
we had that sort of like,
we would come home from school and my mother would have made fresh muffins and there'd be apples and slices of cheese and all the kids would come to our house and be like,
I'm going to go to school.
And then,
cause my mom always was like,
here's the spread.
Like that happens. I think like when we were little, our house and be like, Craig, I'm going to go to school. And then, because my mom always was like, here's the spread. Like,
that happens.
I think like when we
were little,
we had,
it was like apples and
stuff.
And then,
and Costco came on the
scene and that was
pizza pops.
But my mom used to
like,
there was dessert.
Like we would like
every Sunday,
like we had dinner in
the dining room on
Sundays and my mom
would make a pie
because that was just,
or some sort of a crumble or a cobbler.
Did you only have the dining room one day a week?
Yes, it was usually only Sunday.
Hey, maybe convert it into a second bathroom.
Just a shower.
Just a standalone shower.
I would have killed you.
Wait, what day of the week did you eat there?
Sundays.
And what day of the week did you eat in front of the TV?
Oh no, you're right.
It was.
Oh, thank you.
No, but it depended like if it was a special or something.
Like if it was like, sometimes there'd be like a good Disney, whatever.
Right.
And yeah.
But we usually, we did eat at the dinner table though.
We did.
Like that was just.
Oh, yeah.
But sometimes, no, that's right.
We would use the dining room table more than I'm thinking.
And then sometimes we would sit in the kitchen table but we had a round kitchen table
with the leaves.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm telling you,
we had that kitchen table
my entire life.
My family never fixed it.
Once a week,
one of the leaves would drop
and you'd have your dinner
in your lap.
It happened on the regular
and no one ever was like,
should we get a new table?
No!
And it was,
who's it going to happen to?
You know what I mean?
It was just,
you can never know
which side is it going to be. Could you, no, it was like they must have spun the table or it going to happen to? Yeah. I mean, it was just, you can never know. Which side is it going to be?
Could you?
No.
It was like they must have spun the table or something just to see what would happen.
Yeah.
One of us would wear our dinner into our lap.
Did you ever have, because this is the thing that you only see on TV and movies, but families
that eat breakfast together?
Like we ate dinner together.
Oh, yeah.
No.
Did we eat breakfast together? I don't think so.
No, we never like, unless it was like Christmas.
Yeah, yeah, Christmas was breakfast
together for sure. Like I remember weekends
like there would be pancakes and stuff and we would
probably, but it would probably be more like shifts.
Yeah. I mean, in the kitchen table
but I definitely remember my dad. Or like I'll bring you your pancakes
so you can eat them in front of the
Saturday morning cartoons. Yeah, like my mother was never making eggs for breakfast.
Like it was always, I think breakfast was cereal like every day.
Yeah, every day.
Right?
Doesn't that make sense?
I also went through a pretty heavy,
it was like a powdered thing that you put in milk.
Oh, yeah.
Like an instant, I think.
Oh, like an instant carnation, instant breakfast.
Yeah, instant breakfast.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I went through that pretty heavily for years and years. Did you? That and cigarettes. Oh, my God. That's a instant breakfast. Yeah, instant breakfast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went through that pretty heavily for years and years.
Did you?
That and cigarettes.
Oh, my God.
That's a good breakfast.
Terrible.
Yeah.
Vegan.
Yep, exactly.
Well, not.
Yeah.
I mean, is there milk?
Is there milk in milk?
Graham, what's going on with you?
I was just thinking about that, talking about Pizza Pops.
The inventor of the Pizza Pop just passed away.
Is that a Canadian?
That is a Canadian thing.
Is it?
Yeah, the guy who invented them is from Winnipeg.
Oh, wow.
A Pizza Pop is basically a microwaved little mini calzone.
Yeah.
It's like a better version of a Hot Pocket.
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
I've never had either one.
I've shopped around.
I've comparison shopped.
I like Pizza Pop better.
But apparently, because Winnipeg is like...
Winnipeg?
Yeah, but because it's kind of like middle of the country
and similar in kind of stats to the middle of America,
it's a test market for products that sometimes never get outside of
Winnipeg.
So I was talking about pizza pops.
I was doing a comedy club in Winnipeg and I talked about pizza pops on
stage.
And then every,
like every show people would come up and be like,
you know,
the guy who invented pizza pops from Winnipeg.
And then they would tell me about all these crazy pizza pops that only existed in Winnipeg.
Oh, my gosh.
This is going to be for crepes.
These will be crepe ideas.
So there was like, they tried, you know, like everything under the sun, like a Mexican style with like ground beef in it and like a teriyaki.
A teriyaki pop.
I'd be into that. Even if it was just teriyaki sauce, I'd drink it. I'd be into it and like a teriyaki. A teriyaki pop. I'd be into that.
Even if it was just teriyaki sauce,
I'd drink it.
I'd be into it.
Maple syrup teriyaki.
And then, you know,
like ones,
they had a sweet,
like a sweet version.
So that had like fruit.
Candy.
I thought marshmallow.
My brain went marshmallow.
Scotch mints.
Remember those?
Oh boy. Yeah. And so, but it wasn't only pizza pops. scotch mints remember those oh boy
yeah
and so
but it wasn't only
pizza pops
it was like
different types of chips
and different
what kind of chips
did they have
that we didn't have
they like
just different flavors
I'm jealous
I instantly was like
they got crystal pepsi
like a full year
before anybody else
got crystal pepsi
damn it
that's one year
I could have
one extra year I could have had with it.
You'll never get that year back.
Life has no meaning.
What are...
I was thinking about this just now.
Canadian frozen foods.
There are some uniquely like...
Oh, like any McCain...
McCain...
Fries.
Fries.
McCain Diva Delicious cake.
Yes.
Which is a cake made out of oil.
Yeah.
Like it's not frozen because it's an ice cream cake.
No.
It's cakey.
Yeah, yeah.
But you can't keep it at room temperature.
That was barely cake. No. It's cakey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you can't keep it at room temperature. That was barely cake.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
Pierogies.
Pierogies.
All pierogies.
Chimo.
Is Chimo the big?
Oh, yeah.
They would have you believe the last word in pierogies.
But, you know.
Sure, there's regional brands.
Is there?
Yeah, yeah.
I feel like Chimo's the only one.
Anyway.
I don't know what else.
I mean, McCain
rules supreme
when it comes to...
President's Choice
has some, you know...
I miss President's Choice.
In America,
I miss President's Choice.
They have a good,
like, chicken fingers
that the breading
is waffle.
Oh.
So it's like
chicken and waffles.
Oh.
And it comes with
a little maple syrup sauce.
I feel like President's Choice
had the best ice cream.
And at Christmas, they would bring up their special, just Christmas... Oh, my God. president's choice had the best ice cream and at Christmas they would bring up their special just Christmas.
Oh my God.
Have you, they had like a roasted marshmallow ice cream.
Oh my God.
And then they also had like a candy cane for Christmas and it was wow.
Just good stuff.
Dirty, good stuff.
Yeah.
You're a real Christmas head.
I am.
What the thing is, I'm not even though.
I'm not, I guess it's like the Christmas food. I am. The thing is, I'm not even, though. I'm not.
I guess I just like the Christmas food.
I miss that, apparently.
That's it.
But yeah, a friend of mine posted on Facebook after the guy that invented Pizza Puffs died
that he was like, I can honestly say this person had more effect on my life than David Bowie or Prince.
Oh my gosh.
Amazing.
Amazing. Amazing.
Let's be honest.
That's your youth right there, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Eating pizza while listening to Bowie,
but still, they were together.
I remember the commercial was gross.
It was very gross.
Oh, the insides of them.
I do remember one Pizza Pop commercial
from like 1999.
Yeah.
There was like a kid,
maybe two kids hanging out by a car,
like leaning on a kid, maybe two kids hanging out by a car, like,
like,
like,
leaning on a car
talking about pizza pops
and how ooey gooey
they are.
And it just starts
with one of them going,
what do you watch?
What do you like?
I remember,
uh,
cause I,
uh,
was on the debaters
and,
uh,
that we were debating
microwaves.
So I microwaved
a pizza pop
during the debate. Did you? And, uh, that we were debating microwaves. So I microwaved a pizza pop during the debate.
Did you?
And, uh, I hadn't had a pizza pop since my teen years and, uh, took one bite and it was just, boy, flooded back.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That it like, it's a very distinctive.
Yeah.
It's a very, it is.
Yeah.
And, and texture.
I think I've, I was going to say the dough is, you know what I mean?
I've never had a Hot Pocket.
I've definitely had a Pizza Pop,
but like maybe like
a half a dozen in my life.
Was it Hillsbury?
Hillsbury, yeah.
And that was the after school.
Oh yeah.
Like race,
race home,
freezer,
Pizza Pop,
then, you know,
whatever garbage was on television.
And it like comes in a box of six
and they're gone in a day.
Yeah.
It's like, well Yeah. You get another
pizza pop.
I got time.
What was the
after school TV
shows?
You know, we
get home at a
time when it was
hovering around
still shows for
adults.
Yes, like
General Hospital
and stuff.
Yeah, or you
know, Jerry
Springer or
whatever was
kind of just.
Very adult.
Very mature. Very mature.
Very mature.
And then I feel like, what was, you know,
we would watch much music.
Yeah, we would watch music videos.
Do you remember?
Oh, yeah, music videos, right?
I remember there was one, and this might be, again,
too old for you, but there was one called Toronto Rocks
with John Major.
And it was terrific.
Like he just, he basically sat in like just a little booth.
Like there was no space and it was just him sitting there and he was really
funny and he just played videos and it was Toronto rocks, Toronto rocks.
And it was terrific.
Oh my gosh.
That was for sure.
High school.
I remember when I was little, like at the, um, uh, art, the TV was like,
you know, we'd play after school.
And I remember it was like time to come in because my mom would stick her head out the
door and be like, girls, Batman.
And we would run in for Batman and Robin and the monkeys.
And that's what we would walk five to six was Batman and Robin and the monkeys.
And then it was dinner.
And that was, that was it.
I remember.
Yeah.
Hey, where the monkeys.
Remember they were so funny.
They were funny.
I'm sorry.
I was a child, but they were funny.
Oof.
I think it holds.
Yeah.
Peter.
Remember Peter?
Oh, my God.
He was great.
Was he your favorite?
Peter was definitely our favorite.
We loved Mickey, but we also loved Peter.
You know, as I aged, I became more of a Mike Naismith.
Of course you would.
Of course you would.
Do you know what I mean?
Because he was all like, I'm wearing a toque.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And he just, he kind of seemed like he was all like I'm wearing a toque you know what I mean that was it and he just
he kind of seemed like
he was a bit above it
absolutely
that he was like
I really don't actually
want to be here
my mom loved Davy Jones
oh boy
every time I was on
she would talk about it
no Davy was never Davy
but I do feel like
Davy was also
you know he was British
he came to my prom
oh my nose.
Oh, my gosh.
After he threw a football into my face.
Yeah, yeah.
It's all kind of blurring together.
Different episode, but you get that.
You would answer a phone call with his shoe.
Oh, my God.
Just all this old TV kind of blends together.
Should we move on to a bit of business?
Sure.
Life can be fun.
Don't get carried away.
You got to do things you don't want to do to get through the day.
You got to shine your shoes.
You got to sweep the floor.
You got to clean your house.
You got to do some more.
Take care of business.
Oh, boy.
A little bit of jumbo to start this business.
Boom.
We're cool.
Yeah.
This week, we've got a Jumbotron message. This one's
for Catherine Anderson
from the Anderson family.
The P-O-U-W
family.
And the Taborga family.
Good family. Yeah, really
strong families. And they want to say
happy 30th birthday to Catherine
from all the family in
Montreal and Washington.
We met Catherine. Did we?
Yeah. And it changed our
lives. That's right. That's right. I forgot
how different my life was before.
And now I remember. Yeah. I think we
met Catherine. I don't see too many Catherines.
I didn't know her last name, but
that spelling of that first name. Yeah.
Don't forget a thing like that
Yes
And
Catherine with a Q
We don't know
That could be Washington State
Could be Washington D.C.
It could be Washington University
It could be George Washington
In Missouri
Anyway, happy birthday Catherine
You make us complete
And also we have a message brought to you by ZipRecruit.
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You know what?
I've only revolutionized like two things in my whole life
Yeah, what?
French
And you know what?
Showering
Oh yeah
You know what I've revolutionized?
What's that?
My right fist and my left fist
Alright?
So you want to mess with these?
No, no, no
Talking about a revolution?
Sounds like a clobber
Take that Tracy Chapman want to mess with these no no no talking about a revolution it sounds like a clobber take that tracy chapman uh now zip recruiters technology finds great candidates for you
it learns what you're looking for identifies people with the right experience and invites
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Find Adam Ruins Everything wherever you get your podcasts or at MaximumFun.org.
Overheard.
Overheard's a segment in which we will hear things out there in the world and then we share them here in the room.
And, oh, what fun we have. And we always like to start with the guests yes deborah hello i'm the guest deborah
i heard one and maybe i don't know if this is inappropriate but here it is i was in an airport
bathroom and a mummy had brought her son into the the bathroom straw with her not like an egyptian
so scary yeah it was king to two to cotton, whatever.
It was like, so I don't know, the kid was maybe like three, I would assume.
He was like a boy king, yeah.
Yeah.
A lot of pressure.
And, you know, whatever, we were in the bathroom and at one point he positively gasped.
Bum, why do you pee out of your bum?
She was like, that's not my bum.
I'll tell you later.
And I literally
was like, hee! Sorry, I couldn't help
but have a little giggle. Do you know what I mean?
But he was shocked and terrified.
Yeah. And if she doesn't
correct that information, he'll be the kid on the
playground doing like, guess what?
To all the boys.
Women, be out of their bum.
Women, girls, be out of their bum.
Not women.
I don't know why.
I know the ways of the woman.
They pee out of their bum.
It is, that's shocking that he hasn't seen his mom pee before.
You know, that's what I thought.
I was like, has this never happened before?
Like, what's going on here?
Maybe she doesn't bring him to the stall all the time.
I don't know.
But like, at home, it's hard to establish that kind of boundary.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fair enough.
Yeah, I guess so.
I mean, you never see it in sitcoms, so that's my reference point.
Yeah, while people in sitcoms are sitting down to a breakfast.
Yeah, exactly.
Making eggs and peeing.
We are all.
Peeing in front of the children.
You just leave the door unlocked because you don't want it to be weird.
Yeah.
Why would this?
It's just a normal thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's weird every time.
It is weird.
Every time.
But you've got to let kids find that out on their own.
They need to find out on their own that it's weird.
They can be traumatized. What else are they gonna do?
Not traumatize your children?
Boring kids.
Dave, over here. Oh boy.
Not really.
Yesterday I was driving and I saw
you know,
you'll see sometimes a baby on board
sign. One time
I saw a king on board,
which I didn't like at all.
Boo.
Because it's like,
oh, your baby outranks you.
Not in this house.
Yeah.
Unless you're like intergalactic ruler
and then king is,
what is that?
Yeah, yeah.
And so, yeah,
the one I saw yesterday was little gentleman on board and it had a big mustache.
Oh, no.
That's weird.
Yeah, that is weird.
But, I mean, where did gentleman come from?
Big gentleman.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fathers be good to your gentlemen.
Gentlemen become gentlemen.
Yeah.
Gentlemen. Yeah. Gentlemen become gentlemen. Yeah. Gentlemen.
Yes.
But you know those things are for like emergency personnel to know if there's a baby in the car.
Stop.
Really?
Yeah.
They're not just to like.
Not just be kitschy and funny?
A weird, yeah, social.
Wow.
So the paramedics show up and they're like, there's a gentleman in there.
Take off your hat before you
but now there's so many
different ones though
now it's like
oh my gosh
there's a fifth snowman
do you know what I mean
like you know what I mean
because they're also
there's a fifth
there's a fifth Jawa
I saw one from Star Wars
is that Star Wars
it's Storage Wars
it's Storage Wars
there's
there's one more
storage unit to open.
What? Anyway.
Yep.
My
overseeing. Oh, please enlighten us.
Oh, great and holy Graham.
On board. Oh, great and
teddy Graham.
Walking over here, there's
you see it a lot in
these neighborhoods, a missing cat poster.
And, uh, this poster said, uh, cat missing, uh, Bowser in brackets, AKA the bows.
Amazing.
Well, my cat's probably dead, but I should have some fun with it.
Oh my God.
AKA the bows.
I once,
there was a posting in my neighborhood
for a bird,
a lost bird.
And I was like,
is he lost or is he just free?
Like which one?
Do you know what I mean?
I'm going to get that bird back.
You're never getting that bird back.
Are you crazy?
I'm going to put this sign up on a post
and maybe on a cloud.
I'm just going to throw it on a breeze
and see what happens.
And then the bird comes in
and swoops the post
and takes it away.
I'm free, bitches!
And he leaves.
He's gone.
Never again.
There's a guy
maybe west of here
that walks around
with a parrot on his shoulder.
Interesting.
And it's not tethered.
Oh my gosh.
As far as I know,
it's never flown away.
Is it a real bird?
It's a real bird.
Don't they clip their wings?
Oh, so they can't.
All right.
I don't know exactly what that means.
But it felt right.
They keep their wings, but they're circumcised.
Just removed.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
I met the two best dogs yesterday.
Oh, you met my dog?
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Your dog is fabulous. I met the two best dogs yesterday. Oh, you met my dog? Oh, my God. Yeah. Your dog is fabulous.
I met two dogs.
Okay, right now, my favorite kind of dog is like any like Australian shepherd mix kind of little.
You know the ones that look like perfect dogs?
You know, like if an alien came down and said, what's a dog?
I'd be like, that.
That's a dog.
You know one of those ones?
Oh, my God.
Okay, I think they were brother and sister or boyfriend and girlfriend.
I didn't ask them the back story, but something was going on.
And it was Bailey and Quinn.
One was like black and white.
One was like caramel and white.
And the black and white one had one blue eye and one brown eye.
I'm like, I monopolized the man's time for way too long.
I was like, I'm in with your dog.
I just, I didn't say.
And then Bailey was jumping and Quinn was just sitting on my foot.
And then we got a, Bailey's the jumper.
Oh, man.
And Bailey jumped up
and got caught in my scarf.
And then it was sort of like,
I have to take Bailey.
I just,
I'm one of those people now.
And when I wave at a dog,
I'm all like,
you don't know what I mean?
Like I wave at them.
Why didn't the dog wave back?
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
And I go across the parking lot.
Dog.
And they look over
and they keep going.
But my brain is like,
I can't. I've just, I've gone dog crazy. Would you get a dog going but my brain is like i can't i've just
i've gone dog crazy would you get a dog oh my i want a dog so bad yeah it's my goal in life to
have a dog like it is like it goes dog first boyfriend second but like maybe tied but it's
like i just want a dog so bad but i can't i would probably get like like a little australian or or
sometimes i think um um oh gosh a griffin do you know those oh brus a griffin. Do you know those? Oh, Brussels griffin?
Brussels griffin.
They have little beards.
Because they're semi-ugly and they have beards.
Kind of an underbite.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's just an underbite and they always look like, what do you got?
You know what I mean?
It's like, oh.
Because I saw a Brussels griffin a little while ago and he was at a dog grooming place
and he was getting his hair cut and they were doing one of his legs and one of his legs
was just straight out and he looked at me
with this look on his face
like get me out of here
and I just thought
I'll come back for you.
I'll come back for you.
And often their beards
are like orange
you know what I mean?
So like you know
when you see like
a blonde dude
and his beard grows in orange
it just doesn't match.
Do you know what kind of dog
she's talking about?
Yeah.
I want you to draw
based on her.
Oh my gosh.
I'm very excited. This is the best. Do we have any draw based on her. Oh, sure, sure. Oh, my gosh. I'm very excited.
This is the best.
Do we have any paper?
Underneath.
Oh, yeah.
Yep.
I'm very excited.
But I really want a dog.
Yeah, we don't have any colors.
You can't do an orange beard, but we can imagine an orange beard.
Yeah, but I feel like you can't have a dog until you're, you know, you got to have someone
that can stay with a dog when you're away.
Like, I can't do that.
You're away too much.
I am.
Unless, or like, unless I was a rich person and I could pay someone a million dollars to look after my dog.. Like, I can't do that. You're away too much. I am. Unless I was a rich person
and I could pay someone a million dollars
to look after my dog.
Because apparently,
that's what it costs.
Yeah.
I didn't look into it.
I should start looking after people's dogs.
I was going to say,
maybe you should.
Okay.
Uh-oh, you're nailing it.
Uh-oh.
This is great.
Oh, that's more,
hmm.
Let's see.
Oh, eyebrows. Graham, you're a good little drawer. Oh, that's more, hmm. Oh,
eyebrows.
Graham,
you're a good
little drawer.
Oh my gosh.
It's coming out
of his mouth.
he's got a pipe.
You're going to
post this though,
right?
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
Oh my gosh.
That is
anatomically
incorrect.
Yeah.
I love him.
I want that dog.
Yeah.
I'm not going to lie. Is that him? Yeah. It looks like love him. I want that dog. Yeah. I'm not going to lie.
Is that him?
Yeah.
It looks like a slash goat,
a goat dog.
It looks sort of like,
yeah.
He looks tough as hell.
I love him.
It kind of looks like
Snowy from Tintin,
but with the underbite.
With an underbite and a beard.
You know what?
You've totally nailed it.
Yeah.
I'm not going to lie.
That is a Brussels Griffith.
Pretty good.
Wow.
I've never seen one,
but.
What a genius.
You know what?
It's all based on your description.
Yes.
That's more of an affin pincher.
Oh.
Whoa.
Yeah, right?
Look at him.
Don't show our offer.
Are they basically the same?
Yeah.
Now, we also have overheard sent in from people around the world.
If you want to send one in, you can send it in to sbyatmaximumfund.org.
If you want to send one in, you can send it in to sbyatmaximumfund.org.
This first one comes from Stacy W., who went a couple weekends ago to see Emily Heller at the Comedy Mix.
Yeah, fabulous.
And I was the host, so I was on stage talking about how disappointing the Gastown steam clock is to tourists.
One of the two guys beside me, who were a little tipsy and kept tickling one another and sort of wrestling for no discernible reason, asked the other one if he had ever seen the steam clock.
And he said, yeah, it's like my dad, stupid and dumb.
Nice.
Yeah.
I was going to say.
I mean, some dads be like that, stupid and dumb.ily heller's fantastic by the way yeah we had her she's so great a lot of fun um and uh you know what uh
this if you're in vancouver ever come see the steam clock yeah it's stupid and dumb it's stupid
and dumb it is dumb yeah and stupid hey there, you know that clock in Mount Pleasant,
like right where Maine meets Kingsway?
I drove past it the other day.
I've never actually checked the time on it.
It's wrong.
Oh, is it really?
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess I've never looked at it.
It was stuck at 420, like everything.
Anyway, do you have another overheard?
I do.
Please move on.
I love these.
These are my favorites.
This one comes from Josh in Dallas, outside the library in a high school where I work.
I just heard a student yell down the hallway, presumably to her boyfriend.
Oh, Muffin, come here.
I want to tell you a slow secret.
Oh.
Slow secret.
I got a new heart-shaped locket.
And I want you to have half.
Slow and exhausted secret, that is.
Also, a slow secret sounds very sexual to me.
Yeah, yeah.
And appealing.
I'm not going to lie.
I don't want a fast secret.
Give me a slow one.
Yeah, that sounds like a song like, who would sing slow secret?
John Ciccata.
Oh, Kings of Leon.
John Ciccata, Kings of Leon. John Sicotta,
Kings of Leon.
I was going to say
Sheryl Crow
right in the middle.
Yeah,
right in the middle.
We should get them
all to do one
and then we'll judge it.
Or we could get them
all to do it together.
Oh my God.
Just kind of as a,
you know.
John Sicotta is long dead.
Like a,
no he's not.
He's not dead
but is he living?
Anyway,
let's move on.
I think the three of them
get together.
Maybe get a few other acts of the ilk,
and put a benefit song together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Benefiting people killed by, or benefiting halitosis.
Oh, no.
Halitosis research.
Gum disease.
Gum disease.
It's serious.
Yeah.
Oh, absolutely.
You can't give slow secrets if you've got bad breath.
This last overheard comes from Kat.
No last name.
Kat.
C-A-T.
Oh, really?
Yep.
Maybe it is just a cat who got an email account.
But if it's meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Put in your first name, Kat.
Put in your last name.
What?
Kat.
I was in a restaurant in Detroit, and there were a lot of flyers in the waiting area.
I saw this one for a limo company and figured it was overseen worthy.
So it's an old, old timey limo.
And it says you can ride in style like the stars we have driven.
Just to name a few.
Here's the list of the stars.
Gordie Howe.
Oh.
Somebody, Sparky Anderson?
Is that a hockey?
No, he was a baseball manager.
Ron Jeremy.
Oh, my gosh.
Mitch Ryder?
And the Detroit Wheels.
Okay.
The Drifters.
Oh, wow.
The Temptations.
Oh, my God.
Sidney Poitier.
Steve Harvey.
Oh.
And finally, Steve Eisenman.
Nice.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
What a list. Yeah. Yeah. Very Detroit specific. Yeah, Steve Eisenman. Nice. Oh, my God. What a list.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Very Detroit specific.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But wow.
I was expecting like Kid Rock.
Eminem.
He only goes in ones that have like a hot tub or something like that.
I have an overseen that you just made me think of.
I saw a little sticker of posting, and it was just like a blank sticker just written in pen.
It was for a stripper, but the title was Naked Stripper for a naked stripper call.
And I would hope that he would be naked.
Well, maybe it was a paint stripper.
I don't know.
He's also naked, though.
Yeah, he's got a lot of phone calls from people who are doing rentals.
Can you remember during rentals?
He comes over with his boom box wearing tearaway pants.
Let's do this.
We're doing the backyard.
The fence.
Anyway, cue the music.
Girls just want to have fun.
That's what I assume.
Even though it's a man, because he's very modern.
He's very modern.
What would you strip to?
Definitely Panama.
Okay.
By Van Halen.
Panama.
I can do that one.
I would probably have to sit down
after the first little bit.
Well, you can reach down
between your legs.
Exactly.
Ease the seat back.
Woo!
Well done, you guys.
Yeah, very good
what about you
what would you strip to
it's a low secret
it's a low secret
by John Sagata
yeah
absolutely
um
probably
uh
Gloria Estefan
something
oh okay
whatever
you don't know what
just anything
her whole album
well put on
a Spotify playlist
yeah
we're gonna be here
a while
it's a slow
strip team
he wears a lot
of clothes
a lot
like seven or eight
layers
and you have to win
a few hands of poker
first
amazing
amazing
did you do three
yeah
oh well then
I guess the show's over
no no no
that's it
in addition this is a
Brussels Griffin for you, for your
information. Oh, man.
They are funny. You got it all
pretty well, but the ears are, you had pointy
ears and they've got those floppy ones.
Floppy ears. In addition to overheards that are
written in, we also accept your phone calls.
If you want to call us, don't be a stranger.
What you gotta do is you to pick up your phone and dial 1-844-779-7631 or 1-SPYPOD1 like these people have.
Hey, Dave and Graham, this is Ben from Toronto.
Calling in with an overheard of the kids say the darndest thing variety.
Well, calling it was an overheard of the kids say the darndest thing variety.
Last night I was taking care of my five-year-old by myself while my wife was out.
And due to a rather spectacular over flooding of the toilet, there was a small river going down the hallway of our apartment.
And as I'm scrambling to turn off the water and realizing we don't own a plunger, my five-year-old is standing calmly at me just says uh daddy i don't think we're going
to survive this it was very ominous yeah it was nice working with you a real honor
and let's just play the music as the ship goes down tell the world my story
i regret nothing yeah i don't think we're going to survive this day.
I regret nothing except, you know, trying to cram all these paper towels down the toilet.
And it's an apartment, too.
Oh, yeah.
So there's water dripping down into other suites.
Oh, man.
There was a scene in the movie Shape of Water.
Yes.
Oh, gosh.
Did you see it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, you know they
they i saw it too so we can all talk about it you know what i'll talk about this scene they flood
the toilet the bathroom and because the fish man had ate a really bad burrito yeah and he's like
oh boy well i couldn't have shrimp again am i right so then uh you have seen it moddy from the movie moddy is there and she's
like oh boy here we go again i'll get the plunger we're not gonna survive yeah and roll credit there
we go i just so worried about the i mean it's all fictional but i'm so worried about the movie
theater that was below i always think the same thing. Like whenever in movies, I'm like,
that's going to ruin the floor.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Oh,
I mean,
even if it's all going to be warped.
Oh boy.
Oh boy.
Anyways,
there's a big water scene.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I just worried the whole time.
It's supposed to be this like beautiful moment.
And I was like,
the theater owner,
it's easy.
There's no way his insurance.
Do you have fish man water insurance?
Here is the next one.
Hey, Grave, Damon, and possible guests.
This is Max from Tucson, Arizona, with an overheard.
I was at Target the other day, and I saw,
at the time I wasn't sure if it was funny or depressing,
I decided it was both.
I saw a lady
looking at a wine display, and then her
son, probably nine or ten
years old, ran over to her and said very
emphatically, no, mom,
no wine or beer today. We have
things to do.
Oh, wow.
We're not going to survive this, mom.
That is a little sad.
Well, unless it's just like your mom shopping for wine or beer is boring.
Yeah, that's true too.
Let's get a move on.
Yeah, I remember being taken to the beer store as a kid,
and I always just thought, I love the smell.
Oh.
Like, it's stale beer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And some broken bottles.
Yeah, yeah.
And cardboard.
I remember just thinking, like, oh, boy, this is nice.
Yeah.
I like it here.
Yeah.
I'll come back here when I can, you know?
Here's your final overheard.
Hello, Dave and Graham and probable guests.
This is Patty calling in from around about Toledo, Ohio.
I've got an overheard for you.
This is actually from several years ago.
It happened in 2011, I think.
And it just came up again because my mom and I were traveling again.
The overheard is that we were in Paris with some kids from my school.
I was in high school at the time, and a group from California and a group from, I think,
Pennsylvania, and we were all in Paris, and it was a little chilly.
It was December, but it was warmer than it usually was in Chicago, where I'm from.
And so I was out in just a sweater, but the kids from California were all bundled up.
And one of the kids from California said to the other,
Oh, be careful. Bundle up. It's so cold here you'll catch pneumonia.
And the other girl said, do they even
have that here?
Wow.
That was so many places listed,
I forgot where it was.
I forgot how long that call was.
I'm sorry. I mean, I'm sorry to call it.
It was great. I know I enjoyed it.
But I did...
A lot of backstory a lot yeah
but i like when i i have sort of a folder of ones that i have highlighted and then i only go back
and i listen to like the last 30 seconds or 15 seconds to refresh my memory but i forgot that
that was so many things were listed it was like the uh there was a gag in one of the naked gun
movies where he's listing off boxers
names he's like the cincinnati kid he fought out of philadelphia it just kept more and more cities
i don't i forgot where it originated oh boy oh i want to watch the naked gun right now
yeah can i do that yeah i mean I mean, absolutely. Yeah, man.
If I was,
if I had one of those Dodge caravans that had the DVD player,
just go outside and sit in the van.
Daddy's got some work to do.
Well,
that brings us to the end of the podcast.
Deborah,
thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me, guys.
You are going to be in San Francisco.
Yeah.
At the Punchlines Comic Club.
Yep.
April 11 to 14.
And if people want to find you online, where do they go?
Go DebraDG on Instagram and DebraDGVanny on Twitter.
Yeah.
You just Google my name and you're good to go.
Check out her hair on Instagram.
I know.
It's pretty good.
Yeah, your hair is getting so good.
And you folks out there.
Oh, one thing I wanted to say.
There's a man with a podcast named Adam Buxton.
And he mentioned us on his show.
And so many people who listen to his show have said nice things about us on Twitter.
Oh, yeah.
And that's nice.
have said nice things about us on Twitter.
Oh, yeah.
And that's nice.
I mean, normally the things people say on Twitter are,
your commercials are so annoying.
Yeah, that's very nice to get a shout out.
Yeah.
So thank you.
Thank you.
Hey, thanks. And in April, I'm April 27th and 28th, I'm going to be in Toronto at the Comedy Bar doing Quiz Show.
Oh, fun.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We didn't discuss this.
No, no.
You're just bringing this on me?
Yeah, I just got this date.
It's hot, hot off the presses.
Oh, hot date.
So if you're in Toronto, the GTA, the 6.
If you're DTF in the GTA.
You know where to be.
That's April 27th and 8th.
Yep.
27th and 8th,
7 PM.
So,
uh,
uh,
yeah,
come on out.
And,
uh,
yeah,
if you want to find us online,
you can find us at Twitter at stop podcasting.
And,
uh,
if you like the show,
you know what?
Don't tell somebody. Yeah. And if you don't like the show, you know what? Tell somebody.
Yeah.
And if you don't like the show, tell us.
No, no, don't tell us.
That one would hurt our feelings so much.
Yeah, yeah.
Give it to yourself.
Yeah, give it to yourself.
And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Bye.
Bye. MaximumFun.org
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