Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 538 - Taz VanRassel
Episode Date: July 9, 2018Taz VanRassel of the Sunday Service returns to talk high school reunions, Twilight, and a gentleman’s club....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 538 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, while we spent a whole chunk of time together yesterday,
and you can hear that, live show that we did on the internet, Doug Loves Movies, Mr. Dave Shumka.
Hi, Graham.
loves movies, Mr. Dave Shumka.
Hi, Graham.
Actually, I keep forgetting to mention, I think we've forgotten to mention for two months that you've guested on a few other podcasts.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You were on Brent Butt's Butt Pod.
Butt Pod.
You were on Landlord and Tenant Podcast with James Hartnett and Mike Bilotto.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it was a lot of fun.
They've really stuck to their format.
And I think by the time this is out, I might have already been on that as well.
Oh, are you going to do it?
Yeah.
Nice.
Oh, cool.
So look for us on all these podcasts.
Oh, fun.
As well as this.
And our guest today on this podcast, he is a member of the Sunday Service.
If you're in Vancouver, you can see
them every Sunday at the Fox Cabaret.
He's one of the founding members of Blind Tiger
Improv School?
Comedy.
Comedy School. Sure.
It's Taz Van Rassel. Yep, that's me. Hi.
Hello. Hi, Taz. Hi, everyone.
Thank you for joining us. Glad to be back.
And Graham's going to be teaching
a podcasting class in the school starting this summer.
Oh, perfect.
Tech or?
No, comedy.
No, no, just comedy theory.
Yeah, comedy theory.
Podcasting theory.
How to talk funny?
Yeah, how to like, if something, if someone says a word wrong, then like that becomes a thing.
Yeah.
Like, oh, what if that was real?
And then how to respond to podcasts when they get something wrong.
Oh, that's podcast listening class.
It's all part of the theory.
Should we get to Noah's?
Yeah.
Get to Noah's.
Taz.
Yes.
You've got a lot of business going on right now.
I guess.
No, I just mean like in front of me.
Oh, I see.
Yeah.
You're drinking.
Now no one has ever brought, like we've had guests bring their own beer before.
Yeah.
We're, Graham and I are drinking iced coffee.
You're drinking a tea.
Earl Grey.
Okay.
Yeah.
You've also brought a can of Molson Excel, uh, non-alcoholic beer. Yeah. What is it youson Excel non-alcoholic beer.
What is it you like about non-alcoholic beer?
It's not got alcohol in it.
I like that part.
And I thought this was a drinking pot.
I haven't been on for a while.
And usually we're drinking craft beer.
In the past, it has been a lot of drinking beers.
So I thought I'd bring my own but that
doesn't feel weird okay now but now you feel weird yeah because it is a little weird to just
when no one else is drinking anything just be like i you know what i want i'm in the mood for
the flavor of beer and none of them yeah i drink these at home do Do you? Yeah. And does it, I don't know that I've ever had a non-alcoholic beer.
Does it taste exactly the same?
Ish.
Ish?
Okay.
You want to try a sip?
Maybe at the break.
All right.
Yeah.
Okay.
I guess my, like, I don't know if I ever, I don't know if I like the taste of beer enough
to have it without the cool, crisp alcohol.
Yeah, I mean, I guess I would if i was at like a barbecue i feel like yeah i mean i i got them mostly for like on stage right to to fill that
weird void whereas like oh usually i would have a beer but okay i'll just have this yeah that sort
of worked um wait and you can also i can just have soda. Yeah. That sort of worked. Wait, and you can buy those.
Also, I can just have soda water.
I realized also it doesn't matter.
When did it, how long did it take you to realize?
I think I like the taste, guys.
Yeah.
Because I could have not got them.
It's weird though because there's like,
I don't know what the variance is.
Do you get that in a grocery store?
Yeah, this is the cheapest one,
but it's the one I like the most.
Most in Excel, there's like uh budweiser has prohibition oh is that what budweiser
prohibition yeah and there's a couple other ones that are yeah old duels old duels is what beer
drinkers drink when they're not drinking beer they only make non-alcoholic yeah oh right okay
yeah this one tastes the closest to like coors light or Molson Canadian. Just a real shitty, out-of-the-counter beer.
I'm into an IPA.
Yeah.
Something hoppy.
I would like none of the breweries or whatever that you would go to.
They don't have an option.
I'd be into that.
Yeah.
It feels like, well, why wouldn't you?
Then I could go and not order a soda.
Yeah.
Do they have soda?
I don't know.
We have soda water.
Yeah.
I think there's some grenadine in the back.
I mean, I like that.
Yeah, do I like the taste of beer?
Hmm.
Because, I mean, I've always drank it in conjunction with being around people who are drinking beer.
And also.
You've never drank a beer alone?
Not really.
Like, I would never.
I never buy it and bring it home.
Like, I'll drink it at a party or at a bar.
But I never, like, have a beer at home.
Huh.
Yeah.
It never occurs to me when I'm at home to drink.
I don't know. It's not it's never occurs to me when i'm at home to drink i don't know it's not by any design you don't spend a lot of time at home though yeah i'm always out as soon as i get
up in the morning i roll out of bed find the first place i can that has beer which i guess would be
the legion near my house at the nine in the morning or whatever yeah they're like they're
open pretty early like they serve that early i think they're i think they're allowed to serve at 11 yeah and
there's i've been past there at 11 and it's not not busy right so yeah you know so there's a tip
to all you youngsters out there you think that you have to go to a bar to get drunk you don't
or europeans who are passing through and want to have a morning beer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is that a European thing?
Yeah, I remember being in Germany.
It's like,
you go in like the hostel,
everyone's like having a beer
with their meats and bread.
I mean.
Pouring it on their
Rice Krispies.
Yeah.
I mean,
it's not,
if you're just going to eat,
if you're basically
eating picnic food.
Do you know what
Snap, Crackle, and Pop
are in German?
No.
No?
Snap, crackle, and klaus.
Is that true?
No.
Because I know in French they're crick, crack, and crock.
Yeah.
But that's all I know about French.
Taz, what's been going on in your life since you last were on the podcast?
I don't know.
You said it was two years ago?
You think so?
Yeah.
I don't know.
I went to Europe.
Didn't go to Germany.
That reference is very old.
Where in Europe did you go?
I don't know.
Paris, London, Amsterdam.
I don't know.
I walked around.
How long ago was this?
Last summer Okay
Was it fun?
Yeah it was nice
A lot of walking
I doubled my steps
Oh
Are you a counter?
Yeah I average about 10,000 steps a day
That's pretty good
It was about 20,000
I remember when we did the catacombs
In Paris?
Yeah
Where are your What do you count with? and earlier when we did the catacombs. Oh, in Paris? Yeah.
Where are your, what do you count with?
Just my phone and app.
Oh, okay.
It's called Hedometer.
Yeah.
Which could be read as pedometer,
which doesn't look great on a phone.
Mine's going off.
Yeah.
Now, was Europe like, were there things that you wanted to see over there was this the uh your partner's idea i was piggybacking she was out there uh she's an
academic and she was doing a conference okay in uh some small town outside of amsterdam and then
i was like i'm gonna go too and then And then we made a plan out of it.
And then we just wandered around.
Not a lot of pre-plan.
We did go to Euro Disney.
And that's amazing.
Was that in France?
Yes.
What are the big differences?
People smoke in Euro Disney.
Cool.
Like in the lineup, people were smoking.
Dads were smoking and pushing babies around.
Goofy smokes.
Yeah. Ariel smokes. Thatofy smokes. Yeah.
Ariel smokes.
That doesn't even make sense.
She goes underwater.
One of the biggest smoking cartoons.
I mean, Bugs Bunny would always like a cigar with a carrot.
Albert Fudd, did he have a cigar?
Or does Yosemite Sam?
He'd smoke out of his ears when he's mad.
He seems like somebody who would smoke.
Popeye, did he have a pipe? Yeah, Popeye. He killed him with spinach. ears. He's mad. He seems like somebody who would smoke. Popeye? Did he have a pipe?
Yeah, Popeye.
But he mostly sucked spinach through it.
Yeah, I guess maybe at one point all of the cartoons smoked and they phased that out.
I feel like Heckle and Jekyll smoked.
What are they?
They're like a couple of...
One of them was chomping on a cigar.
Yeah, they were like pranking crows. Oh. They were like a couple of... One of them was chomping on a cigar. Yeah, they were like pranking crows.
Oh.
They were like a couple of crows or ravens that would prank each other.
Yeah, blackbirds.
Yeah.
I feel like they probably...
They smoked.
But maybe I'm wrong.
Fritz the cat.
He smoked.
He was a deviant.
Yeah.
He smoked drugs.
Yeah.
What was...
Deviant.
Have you been to the other Disney lands?
Not since I was a little kid, so I had no real base.
I was like four when I went to Disneyland in California.
What's it like going in as an adult?
It's fun.
We never have to do it again.
We do it once, and it's like this is a spectacle and it's tiring and we did it.
How many did you get?
Even more steps that day?
Yeah, there's a lot of steps.
Euro Disney Day, for sure.
How many rides do you get on in a day?
Well, we went single.
What is it called?
There's like a line if you want to sit together or another line if you go single passenger.
It's much faster.
And we did a lot of those.
We got on quite a few, but we'd always just wave at each other.
See you.
I'm sitting with a family.
Yeah, I wonder.
Is that something?
I guess there's no romance.
Oh, maybe though.
Yeah.
You can clutch each other.
We didn't go to ride together.
Why not?
I don't need to sit beside
someone in a movie theater either.
Oh, really?
Talk about it after.
I mean, I do
because that's an easier thing to do.
We have a line for singles for the movie?
And you get in,
it's the movie singles.
Oh, man.
That could use a reboot.
Yeah.
Why not?
What city would it be in?
What was it, Seattle?
It was Seattle.
It was very grungy.
There were many grunge people in it.
You know, maybe...
What's hot now what's the cool city
in austin maybe austin uh-huh yeah i don't know where where did single it was seattle it was
seattle and reality bites was houston oh it'd Bites was Houston? It would probably be Portland. Huh?
It would probably be Portland now.
Portland, sure.
Yeah, but what's the romantic movie of a generation that's out now?
Do-a-da-do-do.
Is anybody here?
No?
I Love Simon.
What's that one that just came out?
I Love Simon.
Is that what it's called?
Yeah, it's called I Love Simon. It's got Bridget Fonda and
Campbell Scott and
Eddie Vedder.
I Love
Trouble.
You mean nothing but trouble?
No, I think I Love Trouble is a movie too.
Yeah. Probably.
I Love Simon sounds like a movie.
Sounds like an indie. Yeah, it's about
a gay kid in high school.
Oh!
It's something Simon.
It's not I Love Simon.
It might just be Love Simon.
Yeah, that sounds right.
Yeah.
But you know what?
I think in the room, between the three of us, we're about 120 years old.
And so why would we know?
I remember when I was, uh,
it's,
it's called love Simon.
Uh,
when I was a,
uh,
when I was growing up,
there was a,
like a line of three hockey players who are in their early thirties,
early to mid thirties.
And there were the hundred year old line.
And it was like a big deal.
And it's like not meant as an insult, but it doesn't sound like a compliment deal. And it's like, not meant as an insult,
but it doesn't sound
like a compliment.
No, it's sort of meant
as a, like a,
whoa, check out
this circus side show.
Three hockey players
in there.
That's what I tell kids
when they,
at school shows,
when they ask how old we are.
I say,
collectively,
over 70.
And there's two of us.
What, um,
uh,
is it,
when you do
So you go around
To elementary schools
High schools
Elementary
Middle school
Which is usually
Outside of Vancouver
Yeah
And
Or junior high
To our American listeners
And
Regular high school
Which is the
Which is the scariest
I don't know
The kids are all the same
And you go do improv for them
Yeah We go do improv High them. Yeah, we go do improv.
High school, you got to adjust differently.
But they're basically elementary, middle school, high school.
They're all the same because they all have the internet now.
So it's not like any town is like, okay, we got to do Cranbrook material.
It's all the same.
It's all Fortnite and flossing.
Yeah.
And they're all very sad about XXXTentacion
Yeah, I haven't done one since
That happened
And the smaller towns are still dabbing
Okay
What are you doing?
There's a little bit of a disconnect
You're dabbing still?
I thought that flossing was already over
Is that still in high school?
In high school, one person flosses
And they all stand up and they're like
And they can't not do it
Oh man, there was nothing
Or the Fortnite dance
Which is basically the Arrested Development chicken
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Fortnite is a video game?
Yeah
I had to learn it
It's the biggest video game.
Yeah, what is it?
Kids are obsessed with it.
It's like Battle Royale.
Yeah, you just go kill, everyone kills each other for a few minutes.
Get dropped into an island or 50 people.
Yeah, something like that.
And it's all real people, real gamers.
You gotta wear a headset.
Yeah, you don't have to.
I never wore a headset when I played it.
Oh, you played it?
Yeah.
Tell us everything.
Well, you get dropped in and you kind of look around and you're like, oh, I have a pickaxe. I can, oh, I can hit a tree. I played it. Oh, you played it? Yeah. Tell us everything. Well, you get dropped in and you kind of look around
and you're like,
oh, I have a pickaxe.
I can, oh, I can hit a tree.
I'm dead.
Fuck.
Because someone shot me.
Yeah.
And then you can watch
the person that killed you
run around.
So you...
Until they get killed
and then you watch that person.
Oh, I see you...
Very spectator.
Do you have a gun
when you start or you...
I think you got to find it.
Oh, okay.
But they're around.
But you had to find... Yeah. And if you try to hide,
the grid gets smaller.
Kind of like Hunger Games.
Oh, I see.
It gets smaller and if you're in the
fog, then you start to lose energy
or whatever.
And that's all kids do.
They watch YouTube videos about it.
I feel like you've explained it to us like a kid would, too.
Yeah.
And then you're in the fog, and you don't want to be in the fog,
because then you get energy, you lose energy.
And there's elements of Minecraft.
You can also build your own fort if you get wood from a tree.
So, like, people, you just watch other people, and it's like.
This is, like, one of the games that they play in the stadiums, this Fortnite.
Maybe.
Because I feel like uh what are
the there's like final fantasy was like one of them one of the originals starcraft starcraft is
one of them yeah and like these big state like they're super mario brothers 2 in the whiz yeah
wizard sorry the 7-11 or 7-up spot game i think it was one. You probably watched that.
A lot of people watching you play that.
But most of this game is that if you die,
you end up just watching other people play the game. Yeah, so it's very spectator.
And kids watch YouTube videos of other people
playing. And in that way, it's like Minecraft
because kids watch videos of Minecraft.
Yeah, kids love it.
It's like their private time.
I'm watching Minecraft.
But Minecraft looks like a crappy,
looks like if I made a video game.
Like it looks crappy.
But does Fortnite look crappy?
It doesn't look great.
Modern-ish.
Have you played it?
No, but I've seen it.
Like a lot of professional athletes play it.
So I know it because it's a thing that they talk about.
Huh.
Like at press conferences?
No, no, but they're all on social
media too.
Oh, I see.
You know, so-and-so said this about you
on Fortnite.
So Fortnite is
a medium for...
No, no, so-and-so said something about your ability
to play Fortnite.
So they diss each other's Fortnite ability.
So athletes are children.
Well, they are.
Yeah.
I mean, technically a lot of them are.
The fact that it was remarkable that there were three hockey players in their 30s.
Yeah, that's true.
I was watching a video about an, like an MMA fighter and like how they were like, we don't know at this late stage of his career and he's 26.
Yeah, good.
Like the late stage of his career.
But he's a billionaire.
No, this was like a guy who was getting into it late and they were like, I don't know.
So he's 100,000.
So he's getting in at a late stage of his career.
What's an early stage of his career?
I think you have to be like 15.
Yeah.
Probably like a team.
Getting scouted early and junior.
Like,
yeah,
yeah.
You're right though.
They are all their kids.
I guess I don't think of athletes as kids because they're all so rich.
All the Vancouver Canadians are kids.
Oh,
they're like 18.
The minor league baseball team, yeah.
Single A. Yeah, they probably
have a lot of Fortnite talk on their bus.
Probably. But it's weird.
And they live like the fringe
circuit, like the fringe festival.
They stay in people's homes. They're billets.
Yeah, they're billets. Are they?
Some of them. That's amazing.
I mean, Ryan Vielle can speak to this better than I can.
Whenever I go to a game with him, he tells me all the stories.
And he points out all the players that are sitting.
That one's staying at my house.
I told him he should billet one.
Yeah, it seems like a perfect fit.
It's like rescuing a cat.
Billeting a single-way baseball player.
Now, do you play video games uh yeah i like to play the ones where i don't have to interact with anyone right so it's me versus the the computer
right yeah but that's like that feels like that's almost going to another time now yeah like
everything is i don't want to campaign and, like,
figure out a time to meet with my guild.
Do that.
You're a one-man guild.
You're a solo guild.
Exactly.
What game do you play?
What am I playing?
I just finished Wolfenstein,
where you kill all the Nazis.
Yeah.
Colossus.
That took you...
It took you as long?
25 years.
Yeah.
It took a while. What do you that long? It took you 25 years? Yeah. It took a while.
What do you play with?
No, it's new.
The Wolfenstein.
I know.
But what?
Hey.
Playing Duke Nukem.
What console?
I play with, well, getting back to Ryan Beal,
whatever console Ryan Beal is not
using at the time. So I was using
his PlayStation 4, but then a new baseball
game came out and he wanted that back.
He gave me his Xbox. He's got both.
Yeah, he's got both. He also has a Switch.
He's a game
boy.
He is a game boy and he also does
live and in-person
Dungeons & Dragons.
Do you do that?
No.
No, I refuse.
You've been invited to?
That's interactive.
Yeah, no.
Okay.
I have been invited, and I don't want to do it.
Yeah, I don't understand.
I'd rather have my shame alone.
Where it's like I sat and played a game for four hours, but no one else knows.
Yeah.
Do you feel that's... Except for everyone who's listening. Yeah, that's a shameful thing four hours, but no one else knows. Yeah. Do you feel that...
Except for everyone who's listening.
Yeah.
That's a shameful thing?
Yeah, a little bit.
What would you do in that four hours otherwise?
Nothing.
Watch TV.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I could have been watching TV.
There's nothing on.
I mean, you know, except World of Dance.
Mm-hmm.
That's woed, as we call it.
I got cable now, and there's a lot of movie channels.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of movie channels. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's great.
Yeah.
Yeah, Graham got a bunch of movie channels.
Yeah, there's like 15 movie channels.
Yeah, and that's all I watch now.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah, I don't watch TV.
And sometimes the old-timey, the old music video station.
Much music?
No, it's called something else.
I forget what it's called, but it's great.
Oh.
They have like just playing 80s videos.
Oh, cool.
They clearly couldn't get like, they can't afford the really popular ones.
So it's just like, oh, Oingo Boingo.
Okay, cool.
Just weird.
That is weird.
Obscure stuff.
Because like they would like when, you know, music videos were a thing that were on TV,
like contemporary TV, it was would like i feel like they
wouldn't have to get the rights to things like everyone just play our video please it's an ad
for our album yeah i don't know if they're paying for it i don't i don't actually know but also it's
a 24-hour streaming channel so maybe there's just but still like a 24-hour like any like xm
station that plays 80s yeah uh music plays the same 150 songs over and over.
Yeah, it's true.
They're very obscure on this one.
Vinyl, it's called, or something?
There's one that I've watched where it's only new this year.
Where do you get that?
I don't know.
500 and something?
Okay.
I have to search YouTube all the time for all the new videos.
Yeah, but it's like all, it's 100% musicians you've never heard of before.
Like it was, the one that was Johnny Orlando and McKenzie was the one I watched this morning.
That's like a fake one that like a third tier TV show would come up with.
We got tickets to the Johnny Orlando and McKenzie show.
Are they the hosts?
No, they were, that was the music video that I like saw this morning. They're the musicians. Johnny Orlando and Mackenzie show. Are they the hosts? No, they were, that was the music video
that I like saw this morning.
They're the musicians.
Johnny Orlando and Mackenzie.
And,
I was about to go like,
I know a lot of musicians
Graham would know.
They looked about 12.
Okay.
And they kind of had a 12,
12 year olds kind of singing voice.
Oh yeah.
And on like,
on Saturday
and Sunday morning,
sometimes they'll be showing,
like sometimes I would wake up before the news was on,
and I would be switching through the channels,
and they would have music videos that are just like artists for 12-year-olds,
like just Disney Channel artists, that kind of thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's the same as sports they're all kids like
if you if you haven't made it by the time you're 17 it's too late unless you're like uh susan boyle
she's the one that she's the one that was able to break late yeah and but like we've
it's been non-stop susan boyle since she broke it's true
i imagine she uh like whoever likes that kind of music,
that buys all of her albums.
They probably think she's, like, so middle of the road.
Oh, right.
They're like, oh.
She just got engaged to Michael Che, right?
That's Susan Powder.
Oh.
Who got engaged to Michael Che?
Oh, no, Pete Davidson
Ariana Grande
It was a real
I got it, I was having fun with it
By the time this episode's out, they are not engaged
Oh no!
Yeah they are
They're in love
They're in love, you shut up
I'm rooting for them
I'm strangely
I'm fascinated by them. I'm strangely fascinated by them.
Somebody on Twitter said that this
is this generation's
Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett.
Okay.
I see where they're coming from.
He seems a bit more charming than Lyle Lovett.
Lyle Lovett was pretty charming.
He's not dead either.
You can
see why they got together he's a famous comedian
yeah and uh and apparently cute in his way yeah and apparently according to ariana grande he's
got a big penis so where did she she said that on maybe nick nick at night
you say twitch and we all go,
and I said Nick at night.
So there we go.
I just turned 40 this year.
Was that a big, did that matter to you?
No, not really.
It just kind of came and went.
Yeah, hasn't really caught up to me.
I still feel 38.
You look it.
You're 38, right? No, 37. Oh, fuck. Cool. You look it. You're 38, right?
No, 37.
Oh, fuck.
Cool.
Soon.
Yeah.
It's a magical time in a man's life.
So the other business you have is you're wearing a baseball hat from my high school, your high school.
Kitsilano Blue Demons.
I didn't know this was a hat you could acquire.
Yeah, well, I went to the Centennial and I didn't see you there. No, I high school. Kitsilano Blue Demons. I didn't know this was a hat you could acquire. Yeah, well, I went to the centennial, and I didn't see you there.
No, I didn't.
Go.
It was, so the centennial was the 100th anniversary of our high school?
Yes.
Is that what it is?
Yeah.
And what do you do there?
I did like a whole day.
I think the mayor said something, and like there was a band.
It's hard to get.
It's hard to get the mayor.
Yeah, yeah.
Oingo Boingo was there.
There was a bunch of older men
with their muscle cars
out front. I don't know if that was part
of it or they just brought their muscle cars.
Cool.
In like a PT Cruiser.
They were just
arranged outside, so I guess
that was part of it.
Yeah, maybe they were former...
I feel like... Former bullies.
Yeah. Who got together,
got organized. Every school
that was open in the 50s
and 60s has people who
look back fondly at the
cars of that time. Yeah.
The peachy cruiser. I just love that the
bullies association,
like, we're having a reunion.
You still got your Camaro?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You want to try around the neighborhood and throw eggs at nerds?
Yeah.
It was the centennial, and it was also my class 20th reunion around that time.
Okay.
That's why I also didn't go to that.
No, you didn't go?
No. Have you been to, do you go to that. No, you didn't go? No.
Have you been to,
did you go to a reunion?
I went to the 10th.
What was that?
But the 20th was too far away on the beach or something.
It was like noon at Jericho,
which is,
and there's like not buses.
Eh, I didn't go.
It was fine.
Everyone just got really drunk from what I recall.
Right.
It was like weird at first,
and then everyone loosened up.
Because that was mine just passed this year, and I like.
20th.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I was afraid if I went that nobody I would know was there,
and then all the pictures I saw confirmed that fear.
There would have been like three or four people I knew there.
What do you mean return to your hometown?
Well, like the people that I knew.
Because I had a big graduate class.
So there was like a lot of people I never had any interaction with.
Ours is like a couple blocks away.
Yeah, yeah.
We could have done it.
But then like I have, I didn't, I wasn't, I think I would know everyone.
Maybe I wouldn't remember everyone's name, but I would know like every face.
Do you remember the school song?
Hail Kitsilano.
Hail golden blue.
Rah, rah, rah.
Sing we thy praises.
All thy sons to thee are true.
Rah, hail Kitsilano.
We shout from the sky or to the sky.
Honor and glory to the New Kids of Atlanta.
He's so coy.
Pretty good.
And our Latin saying is fiat lux.
Let there be light.
What was our...
Do you have any more questions about our high school?
Yeah.
Can we talk about the logo?
Yeah, it's very much the Cleveland Indian.
It's the Cleveland Indian, and they just made him blue and put horns on him.
Oh, yeah.
Which is exactly what Cleveland should do.
That's a very easy fix.
It's a very easy fix.
Cleveland Blue Demons.
Yeah.
There we go.
Huh.
Yahoo Demon. Done. Yeah. There we go. Yeah. Huh. I have, do you know any?
Yahoo Demon.
Done.
Yeah.
Done.
Easy.
Great Underlord Yahoo.
Yeah.
Wahoo.
Sorry,
Wahoo.
Did you,
well,
yeah,
have some respect for the racist caricature.
Did you,
do,
I don't know anything about
where the name came from.
I don't know the history.
School's 100 years old.
No way that they were the blue demons 100 years ago.
Probably not.
People were afraid of devils.
Yeah.
Well, there was a Lord Bing gray ghost.
Yeah.
And what's that from?
Something, probably a haunting.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
That was our rival school, Lord Bing.
100 years ago, they were probably demons just walking around on the street.
Yeah. Now we think of them as mythical creatures but back then yeah yeah yeah oh yeah yeah my uh
my uh yeah butcher's a demon exactly they would have done that type of job they would have been
your butchers and your your makers your candlestick makers three classic demons you know i feel like movers how's a demon not a devil uh more of a minion
okay yeah maybe can we change it to the kitzelano blue minions oh that's perfect
um because it does look like a it does look like like a devil so it's same same yeah same same
same same yeah i feel like a demon is maybe like you know, sort of like a little scuttly devil.
Is this time for our favorite segment?
What is a demon?
Yeah.
What is a demon?
But also like something, somebody says that they're wrestling with their demons.
That means that you're like an alcoholic or something.
I think demons means there's more than one and devil is like there's the devil.
Yeah.
Right.
There's only one devil
except there's that
little devil.
Oh, that juicy
little butt.
Yeah, his little butt.
Hot stuff.
His hot stuff.
Yeah, hot stuff.
He's like,
he's a little devil.
He looks like
Wendy the Witch
but with horns
so they just did
the same thing.
Who are the one,
who's in that?
Is that Richie Rich?
Yeah, it also looks
like Richie Rich but with horns or Casper universe uh who's the like o fish girl a little
lot of yeah yeah and there's a chicken yeah uh there was baby huey he was a big duck and they
all smoked cigarettes yeah oh yeah spooky the ghost he smoked a cigar yeah he did yeah and uh and wore a derby hat a bowler derby yeah i never
uh they never stuck to the physics of their own universe in that some things could go through
them and other things they would trip over they could grab stuff but that was that's consistent
with the world of ghosts the movie so we talked about the movie Ghost last week. I feel like we did.
There we go.
Dave, what's going on with you, man?
Not too much.
You and I saw each other on Friday.
Yep.
We're recording this on a Monday.
We're heading out of town this weekend.
So we're getting... This episode's coming out in two weeks.
So I'm sorry to Ariana Grande.
No, no.
They're here to stay.
They're going to make it.
Okay, sorry.
Sorry about Pete Davidson's Grande schlong.
I'm sure that was the headline.
Ariana says Pete Davidson's wiener is grande
Is muy grande
Oh boy
And it was
Yeah so we saw each other on Friday
To record last week's episode
We saw each other yesterday
We both
Didn't
Oh no I don't know.
I don't know about you.
I agreed to do this,
uh,
Doug loves movies.
Yes.
Uh,
at the Rio theater as part of the save the Rio campaign.
Uh,
and,
uh,
it was,
I agreed to it in April.
Yeah.
And forgot about it until he texted me that morning.
I guess I sort of had new in the back of my mind that it was happening.
Yeah.
It's only because it was in my calendar.
Yeah, it was in my calendar,
but I only set a reminder to remind me 10 minutes before.
Do you watch a movie in real time and talk about it?
There were two things.
One was an episode of Doug Loves Movies, which is, you play games.
Okay. Movie-related trivia games. And then after that,
you, me, and a comedian named Ungayo.
What was his last name?
Boy, I worked so hard on remembering the first name.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know he's on a pot cooking show on Netflix.
Yeah, he is.
But yeah, so we, and Doug Benson, we all watched the last Twilight movie.
Yeah, the Breaking Dawn Part 2.
Yeah.
The Last Unicorn.
The Last Unicorn.
And.
The Last Demon.
It was.
Soundtracked by America.
What's that? Is that from The Last Unicorn? And The Last Demon. Soundtrack by America. What's that?
Is that from The Last Unicorn?
By America?
The Horse With No Name Band?
They did the...
No, that's not...
They didn't do that song.
America?
They did A Horse With No Name?
Yeah.
Really?
Oh, boy.
Now we don't know old stuff?
Okay, Google.
Look, all I know is Twitch.
That's where I get all my movies from.
Yeah, so we watched this terrible movie.
And like...
Second part or first part?
The second one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it is...
Yeah, so that part isn't released as a podcast.
And so that was... We shouldn't talk about that because that's what you talked about on the podcast't released as a podcast. And so that was.
We shouldn't talk about that because that's what you talked about.
I was about to start talking about that movie.
No, no, no.
That part wasn't on the podcast.
That was only for the live audience.
Oh, okay.
So it was very.
Dakota Fanning.
Dakota Fanning's in it.
It's like a thousand year old woman.
Her skin is great.
She looks really young.
She looks like 20.
Yeah.
And yeah, Michael Sheen and the
big two warlocks
or whatever they're in it.
Robert Pattinson
and Kristen Dunst.
No demons.
It's pretty much all vampires.
Wolves. Just vampires
and wolves really.
It's really just vampire on vampire by the end.
They go to Rome, right uh not in this one but yeah they there's the roman there's a roman connection and
then the vampires all have powers like the x-men like they all have separate vampire powers which
kind of then it's like well so being a vampire now is just like the basic. Like that's the, if you're just can live forever and have super speed and not die and whatever.
That's just the, that's the bare minimum in this universe.
Right.
So they have.
But he didn't have a power.
Robert Pattinson.
Did he?
Yeah, he had.
Being sullen.
Yeah, the power to smirk.
Yeah, because he had a powerful sulk.
And I was just surprised. I'd never
seen any of these movies. And I was surprised
because they were huge.
How no money
went into making them.
Like the... Shot in BC?
Yeah, shot very much around
here. Like there was just the
special effects.
It looked like 10 years beautiful
forest beautiful beach there you go and fake fake giant fake wolves yeah couldn't they have gotten
real wolves and just like big if i had a big yeah yeah yeah it was like the wolves are bad
the special effect where they go really fast yeah very dumb yeah and it never got not dumb. And what made it even dumber is sometimes they wouldn't go fast.
Right.
They can run around the world really quickly.
Yeah.
And their shorts reappear when they come back to human.
Is that right?
Oh, the wolves?
The wolves?
Yeah.
No, they got to strip down or their clothes get ripped.
Okay.
So it doesn't.
I mean, I guess if you wore really baggy shorts.
Yeah, some cool gym shorts.
A little hole cut for your tail.
Yeah, that too.
I know, I've tried to put underwear on the dog,
and it's just like, it's so baggy in the weirdest parts.
Especially when he morphs.
Well, especially when I put Pete Davidson's on him.
Yeah. Muy grande. parts. Especially when he morphs. Well, especially when I put Pete Davidson's on him.
Muy grande.
But it's, yeah, no, I was alarmed at how bad, like how cheaply made it was. And they seem to have two like product placements in the movie.
One was a Volvo.
Yeah.
That would just like like would be prominently
placed in a shot for 30 seconds of people classic 90s box volvo no and modern volvo and they would
do very like aerial shots of it you know driving which also like if everyone can run so fast why
do they need a volvo they do like a shining opening of the shining movie of a Volvo.
Yeah.
It was very much.
It would just be these long sequences of just,
you're just watching a Volvo.
Beautiful and sensible.
Yeah.
And the other one,
the other product shot was Jan sport backpacks.
I think BC would be Herschel.
Well,
they don't,
they don't make it with the,
that doesn't. Yeah.
That's not a consideration.
Jansport.
Yeah, that was funny.
It was just like, really, really jumped out in the movie as being one of the two.
Because they don't eat.
And they don't drink.
So there was no chance for them to like.
And they don't watch TV.
Yeah, they couldn't have a Snickers.
Jansport and Note Tote.
Trapper Keeper.
East Pack.
They should have had, like, Snickers because, you know, Wolf won down.
Oh, yeah, the wolves could eat.
Yeah, the wolves.
Yeah, that's true.
They could eat.
I mean, the vampires eat blood.
Yeah.
So they could have had some kind of blood.
Like, I don't know, like at home.
What was that?
BB King diabetes test. Didn't have to prick his guitar playing fingers
and uh they're ethical vampires so they don't eat humans well the cullen clan yeah were yes
but then there are how familiar are you with these movies I've watched like the first three and then when she had
the
when they had like
the
the vampire sex
and the demon baby
it was too much
I was like I can't
oh well you would love
the last one
you have to see the last one
you have to see how that turns out
because there's a lot of
just like
heads being ripped off
oh
I like that
a lot of them
that's fine
that's fine
and it's
I think like I think Michael Sheen's like a really good actor ripped off. Oh, I like that. A lot of them. That's fine. And it's, uh,
I think, like, I think
Michael Sheen's, like, a really good actor. I don't know
if everybody else in those movies are good
actors or not, but Michael Sheen's a good
actor. Is that Boardwalk Empire guy?
No. No, uh, that's
Michael Shannon? Yeah.
Okay. Michael Sheen is, like,
he was, like, my favorite thing
he was in was in uh
he played wesley snake yeah but anyways he's a really good actor but in this movie he's like
very silly very over the top that's the only thing i could think of him in what would be his biggest
credit other than this well in the loop he was amazing in in that Armando Iannucci movie.
Oh, yeah.
You know Michael Sheen.
Yeah.
I know you know him.
Yeah.
You've definitely.
Masters of Sex.
Do you watch that?
No.
No.
Frost Nixon?
Oh, yeah.
That guy's around.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like a good actor, but in this movie, he was like, if that's the only thing you knew him from, you'd be like, that guy's a bad actor.
I thought he was great. Because Doug Benson was saying that he knows him yeah and he michael
sheen thinks this is a good movie yeah but if he only saw his scenes of course he does because
he's in them yeah that's true but he's acting like it's like obviously they were just like
you're off the chain man like do whatever you want you're in in a were just like, you're off the chain, man. Like, do whatever you want.
You're in a movie full of vampires.
You're the vampire-iest one.
You've got a crazy wig.
Go nuts.
And he really does.
That's what I'm trying to do with my hair.
Yeah?
Yeah, just trying to get like pointy in the front, long in the back.
Dracula up front, older Dracula in the back. Yeah.
Dracula, you know, retired Dracula on the back.
But yeah, if you haven't seen any of the movies, start with that last one.
Start with the last one.
Yeah, because the other ones are, like, they're pretty slow.
I've only seen the first one, but it was really slow.
Yeah, the other ones are just like a, like a what?
Who not to date?
Like, oh, a guy with anger issues or a guy who's just really sullen and totally distant.
Yeah.
Who are you going to pick?
And an overprotective father.
Yeah, whenever they try.
A lot of bad male role models, basically.
Can you blame them, though?
If your daughter's going to date a wolf or a vampire
He doesn't know that. Well
he doesn't, you're right. But she's
always, because you know even when
she was in junior high she dated a mummy.
Yeah, sure.
That's the prequels coming out.
She dated a creature from the life of a
mogwai.
During the first part of the show a guy a mogwai. And during the
first part of the show, a guy
was mentioning how drunk he was
in the audience, loudly.
And he had to get reprimanded.
And then got thrown out.
Did you hear why?
No. I saw on Twitter
that the guy had snuck
two six-p packs Into the show
Two
Yeah
Yeah
Cause it was two shows
Yeah
Four hours of
Sitting there
Yeah
So you're gonna need
Twelve beers
I mean maybe one was
Half way for his friend
But
Did he sneak it in
Like a pregnancy belly
I think probably
Yeah
Oh wow
I didn't realize
That's why
He got kicked out Oh that's so That's't realize that's what he got kicked at.
Oh, that's very severe.
It's severe for like a music festival, let alone just like a...
It's a case of beer.
Yeah.
At that point, it's not two six-packs.
Well, I don't know.
But they were separate, I guess, right?
Yeah.
I don't know if there was a plastic ring holder thing.
Man, oh, man.
Well, he probably deserved to get kicked.
Good for him.
Yeah.
Good for him, yeah. for him yeah um uh yeah but
that was fun yeah yeah yeah that's that was that's all that's going on with me since we last spoke
how about you um uh so on saturday night uh there's a place downtown here in vancouver called
the penthouse which is a very old old old i don't know if it's always been a strip club.
I think it has.
Maybe it has been, but it's like.
Might have been a gentleman's club back in the day.
But it's been around since like the 30s or something.
You're old.
You're not that old.
Well, I don't know.
You knew about this centennial of this high school.
I just assumed you were a historian.
You brought your muscle car down.
It would be great if Taz was one of them.
In his
70s varsity jacket.
I brought the
Volvo.
Volvo.
My wife took
the muscle car. She didn't know that today
was the big day.
She took the muscle car to get her
hair set for the week.
But
so on the main floor
is still a strip club.
But then on the top floor
very recently some arts
group has taken over the top
floor. And so on Friday night
they have jazz I think. And that Saturday Friday night, they have jazz, I think.
And that Saturday night, they have comedy.
Yeah, that's jazz.
Shout out to the Vancouver Jazz Fest.
It just finished this weekend.
I thought we could keep going.
And Saturday night is comedy, and then Sunday night is something else.
Curated by Kyle Bottoms?
Kyle Bottoms is friends with the people who run it,
so he's brought in all the comedians to do it.
And it's a neat little...
A consultant, if you will.
Yeah, he's a comedy consultant.
And it's this neat little room,
and there's a piano in the corner that's been there since
forever. You did a piano?
No.
There you go.
There it is.
Classic piano.
But like Sammy Davis Jr. has played
this piano. It's been there
since forever. It's like where shit went
down back in the day.
It has a separate entrance,
so this must have been like a VIP
or some kind of like getting high lounge or something.
Because it's all very,
you'd have to go in the back of the building.
Opium bin.
Yeah.
It definitely has a feel of like something happened here.
Or is it like the office and the bada bing?
Yeah. But it's like this is the bada bing? Yeah.
But it's like this is.
Where people eat sandwiches?
Yeah.
This is like, I guess they had shows.
Because they have all these old posters on the wall and old headshots and stuff.
And then, so they did a show there.
And then, logically, I was like, regardless of whether or not i go into a strip club i'm exiting
a strip club so i might as well go check out the strip club while i'm in this in this entertainment
complex i mean that logically makes sense yeah yeah you can't not walk through it yeah exactly
so i so i went to this strip club which i haven't been to Strip Club for many, many years. And this one's
pretty nice.
It's newly renovated and they have
like I say, all these old
George Burns' old
headshot on the wall and stuff.
I approve.
He was a smoking
cartoon, right?
Is that in the
boner killer category? Yeah yeah that's where they send you
immediately after a laugh that's cool you dad boner killer corner
and it wasn't like uh the my kind of experience with strip clubs is like mostly there would be
like sad old men and then groups of like horny 19-year-olds.
Yeah.
This didn't seem to have either of that category.
So I don't know where those groups go in the city.
There must be some.
Oh, yeah, of course.
There's plenty of other strip clubs, aren't there?
Number five orange?
I guess so.
I've never been.
I've been to that one.
But then there's like, is there like an upscale one in there?
Brandy's?
Brandy's. Yeah, Brandy's.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's where Ben Affleck
has headshots
on the wall.
Hey,
Ben Affleck
cheated on J-Lo
there.
Yeah.
And Affleck
and J-Lo
were the
Pete Davidson
and Ariana Grande
of the 2000s?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we never got
a report on
his dong size. it's out there somewhere
oh yeah yeah the truth is he's got a full back tattoo now so he really does yeah i thought it
was for a while i thought it was fake and then it just didn't go away yeah and then like it's
of a phoenix yeah and jennifer garner was like am i the thing that he's phoenixing
out from like come on come on man did she say that yeah she said that in an interview like
it was on twitch guys i got all my celeb pro from twitch um so yeah. And there was like at one point myself and I wasn't just by myself.
It was a group of us.
And I was looking at a Swiss Chalet commercial that was going on and it was playing in the strip club.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was in between some sporting event.
They had like televisions that had sport on it.
They didn't lower a TV
onto the stage.
Check this out.
Rotisserie chicken.
So,
I don't think I've been
to one that had TVs.
Yeah.
It was like,
there was like an area
that you could just
kind of stand
next to the bar.
Watch the World Cup.
Watch the World Cup.
Yeah, exactly.
And then there was like
the other room
was kind of where
the stripping was happening.
But you could see into that room from the bar.
You never want to take your eyes off that.
It's the non-committal room.
Yeah, I was in the non-committal room.
I just came for the TV.
Yeah.
What's the score in the Swish LA commercial?
But the Swish LA commercial synced up real nice with whatever music was going on.
Pour some gravy on me a good canadian joke
really good um and uh yeah i didn't didn't stay for very long but it was just it was a very like
it was a real throwback because uh what i i drive past there sometimes. They have a very entertaining marquee.
Yeah.
That kind of continues to inside.
Like, everything's pretty lighthearted.
Yeah, they had one about reusable straws or something.
Oh, really?
I don't know.
I haven't seen it lately.
But, like, also, they'll tell you what's happening.
And they have an amateur night.
Okay.
I don't know.
I've never gone, but that always seems like that would be the most fun
yeah yeah just like can i go can i have a go but i also just feel like your average person who
who is an amateur who wants wants to be a stripper or wants to try it once right doesn't realize how
long you have to be up on stage like how long long a song is. Yeah. Like four minutes.
And like a lot of that is
you know, Kiel doing
crazy athletic
you know, upside down
doing all sorts of flips and stuff. Or blanket work.
I didn't see any blanket
Oh, maybe I did. Blanket work.
It's been a long time since I've
Oh no wait, I did
because there was one lady
she threw the blanket down
in a way that, like, it was bundled
up and then it landed all
flat on the stage. What is this?
Well, you gotta work up. You can't just come out naked.
So it's gotta... Yeah, but she didn't, like,
like a picnic blanket. She just, like,
threw it and it landed perfect on the stage.
Oh, like it was, like, a tent that opens up?
Yeah, it was amazing.
I was like, that's how I want to make my bed. Cool, perfect. Oh, like it was like a tent that opens up. It was amazing. I was like,
that's how I want to make my bed.
Cool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's what I was thinking about while sitting there.
Like,
how could I make my bed easier and quicker?
Like this stripper probably does.
Yeah.
Um,
but yeah.
How long does it take you to make your bed?
45 minutes.
Hmm.
Are you,
are you,
do you make an ikea bed every day
yeah i disassemble it where does the slap go
um yeah so i went to a strip club congrats yeah yeah yeah and uh you know so there was a real
hard sell to have lap dance.
Like, they don't leave you alone for two seconds.
Yeah.
Like, there's always somebody coming up.
Oh, not your friends.
Like, the people who were there.
No, the people who were there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They, like, they're.
Do they walk around with a basket of oils and stuff for massages?
Is that still a thing?
No, there was no oils.
Man, that would be hard to deny.
Like when you're all greasy.
You can see your shirt is see-through.
Yeah, where were you?
You know, presumably at some kind of barbecue joint.
Oils, oils.
I was meeting with uh rex
tillerson you smell like lavender yeah exxon's getting into lavender oil
so yeah it was uh it was a real experience and it's like that place is like uh i don't know if
it had you ever been before no never, never. Never to the penthouse.
Steeped in history.
Yeah.
So it's kind of.
And cum.
A lot of these places that are steeped in history are steeped in cum, too.
Yeah.
I mean, and that's just part of history.
Yeah, that's true.
I mean, aren't we all?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think Kanye said it.
It's, yeah.
But if you're a real historical nut,
or if you own a Busta Nut.
You're not allowed to bust a nut at a strip club.
Well, you could probably.
You don't need to tell anyone.
Yeah, that's true.
It'll be our little secret.
Me in my pants and my oily shirt.
Gross.
You want to move on to some business?
Yeah, absolutely.
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Maximum Fun's new
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is coming to San Diego Comic-Con
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At 1 p.m., Bubble cast members
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Hi, this is Jay Keith Van Straten, host of Go Fact Yourself, here on the Maximum Fun Network.
On Go Fact Yourself, we take the smartest people we know and make them look dumb.
Paul, by the way, how much do you know about chicken husbandry?
You gotta give them that grain.
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Gotta give them that grain.
And then smart again.
What future Hall of Fame pitcher for the Cleveland Indians became the first active player to enlist?
Bob Filler.
Oh, okay.
We've got me, co-host Helen Hong, plus celebrity guests and actual surprise experts.
In the coming weeks, you can hear guests like Maria Bamford, Tom Bergeron, Paul F. Tompkins, Janet Varney, and Grant Imahara.
And if you're in the New York area, come check us out live.
We're doing two shows there on July 21st and July 22nd.
Go to GoFactorPod.com for tickets and more.
We'll see you in New York or on the first and third Friday of every month here on the Maximum Fun Network.
Overheard.
Overheard.
The segment where, you know what?
You're going to hear things.
You're going to see things out there.
We want to know about them.
You can't unhear these things.
No, no, no.
And you can't unsee them.
No.
And so why not share them here?
And we always like to start with the guests.
Wonderful.
Well, today, it's very topical.
This happened today.
Yeah.
And I had a rehearsal down in Granville Island.
What'd you rehearse in?
A new show at Theater Sports.
Okay.
Cool.
Avocado Toast.
Everything about Vancouver.
Although that quote
is not a Vancouver
quote.
Avocado toast is a
millennial.
Yeah, it's more of a
millennial.
Yeah.
But it ties in.
Touchstone.
Yeah.
I had it this
morning.
Yeah, it's delicious.
It's good.
I had eggs on top.
It's not that
expensive.
Yeah, no, you're
not, it's not the
reason you can't
afford a down payment
on a house.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So enjoy avocado toast.
Then I was walking home on the seawall in Falls Creek, and there's that portion where if you want to take the land bridge, you guys know the land bridge?
That goes over Second Avenue.
Oh.
It's like a bridge, but it has plants on it.
Cool.
And bushes.
It's nice.
I like to take that.
But you have to walk through, and the path goes through Falls Creek Elementary School.
And you have no choice but to walk through an elementary school, which normally I wouldn't walk through an elementary school.
But this is why, just a bit of backstory, why I was walking through an elementary school.
School's out, though.
No, it was in.
Oh, boy.
It's last week.
I still have one more show this week at a school.
It was in, and I was walking by, and I heard, I don't know if this was over the PA or a
kid had a megaphone, but it was definitely amplified.
Last week of school, a kid might have a megaphone.
Yeah, that's true.
It's free for all.
You're square dancing.
You're doing all kinds of stuff.
Watching The Grinch.
I guess that's last week before Christmas.
Yeah.
dancing, you're doing all kinds of stuff. Watching The Grinch, I guess that's last week's before Christmas.
Yeah.
And I just heard Amplified,
it's your last chance to get your
Fortnite newsletter!
Get them now!
And that's all I heard, and I don't know
if the kid was
printing them out. They're definitely not
making them, because that would be online.
I wonder, though. If he's making his own. Yeah're definitely not making them because that would be online. I wonder, though.
If he's making his own.
Yeah, he's making his own.
He's like an industrious kid and he's making his own and selling them or giving them away for free.
He's got a key to the copier room at the school.
They wouldn't let you use the PA if you were selling them.
Unless there was raising money for summer vacation.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Maybe.
Fortnite awareness.
Yeah.
But he definitely is, whoever this kid is, is industrious.
Yeah.
Because even getting on the PA system, you have to have a lot of...
It could have been a megaphone, but either way, getting a megaphone.
Yeah, you got to have a lot of self-esteem.
You got to have a lot of self...
And you're not just hitting the siren over and over again.
Good for you. And you're not
just doing feedback? Yeah. Putting the
microphone in the hole?
I've never used a microphone.
No? No.
You? Yeah, yeah. You? Yeah.
Yeah, they're a lot of fun.
You click a button and you talk through the thing.
Or there's the like Riot Squad
ones where it has a separate walkie-talkie that connects to the thing.
Those are fancy.
Yeah.
I don't think this kid had that.
I think that's the standard now.
No.
The disconnected one?
Because otherwise you're hitting the button.
Those are the ones that have the siren, right?
They're the ones that have the connector.
No, I think they all have the, there's different kinds.
So, if I'm talking through a megaphone, do I hit one button for siren and a different button for talking?
Yeah.
See, I would have to practice on a gun range first, I think.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think.
It's the safest way to do it.
This is a bucket list thing for you.
Talking through a megaphone. What would you say?
I'd say,
one more
item off my bucket list.
Fortnite
Journal
Order.
The
Fortnite Times. Last issue.
Fortnite Times.
That would be a fun thing to walk into a strip club with.
Hey, can I bring this in here?
Megaphone or the Fortnite times?
Megaphone.
Hi.
Hi, lady on stage.
You're doing great.
Dave, do you have an overheard?
I have an overseen, and this one's kind of a, I don't know if this counts.
Maybe I'll get voted off the show.
You make the rules.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There was a, so how do you picture your average Vancouver real estate agent?
Oh.
Dog in lap on a bus stop. Dog in lap. On a bus stop.
Dog in lap?
Yeah, on the bus stop ads. They always
have a dog in their lap. Really? A lot of them.
I picture
I picture either
like
you know, there's a lot of
combo real estate agents
here. Like a father-son
team or like
you know, we're
the four people from
four different backgrounds. So we're like a squadron.
That's how I picture it.
Like a team. Yeah. I
picture someone in a
you know, a BMW.
Yeah. And like a
really nice suit. Yeah.
Showing you around a house. Yeah. Showing you around a house.
Yeah.
Or showing people around a house.
Named Spice Lux.
That's one of the locals, one of the big names in local real estate.
Spice Lux.
I don't know if she or he are still around.
I don't know.
But there's, so yeah, I'm always, whenever I see, you know, open house, you always see
I'm always, whenever I see, you know, open house, you always see a very nice car parked outside with a sign on top telling you, pointing you into an open house.
Right.
And you might see a slick real estate agent. This real estate agent I saw yesterday showing people around a house was wearing, he looked like he was an employee at like a mid-level hotel.
Like, or like a
like, you know, maybe even like
La Quinta. Like, he was
wearing matching
pants and vest.
Oh yes. With a name tag.
Okay. I've never seen a
real estate agent with a name tag. Does like Royal
LePage have a uniform now?
Oh, I don't know. I guess they used to have
whatever. Like a yellow jacket
yeah because they they were yellow jackets or was that uh century 21 yeah but they definitely had
they had red jackets didn't they no that was the simpsons i uh just like the it looked like the
most like uh like the compared to what you think of as like a super slick real estate agent
just like i i have to wear this for work yeah like and you just get whichever one is assigned to your
yeah yeah you're just like you call up the company and they just send whoever yeah yeah
i want to buy a house from an individual yeah fucking not or a team not a sheep uh there was a a couple brothers
that advertised on a billboard near my house and i feel like they should have in their ad
been wearing they were both wearing suit jackets with open collar uh shirts and they both had their
head shaved and they looked exactly like the twins from Breaking Bad that go on that.
Oh, yeah.
And I was like, you guys have not seen Breaking Bad.
Because otherwise you would have worn ties and been like.
Were they holding up matching guns?
Yeah.
Were they wearing those cowboy boots that have like a long coat?
We'll sell your house.
Or else.
So do you have an overheard, my friend? Oh, I have an overseen. we'll sell your house or else. Yeah. Um,
so do you have an overheard by friend?
Oh,
I have a, an overseen and I usually,
I don't oversee,
uh,
uh,
vanity license plate.
Right.
Very rare that I actually,
we get a lot of them posted on the Facebook.
We do,
but this was a,
this was like a,
a real muscle car Corvette,vette, really souped up.
Kitsilano, centennial material right there.
And it had four exhausts on it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, so it's like, this is a real deal.
And the vanity plate was a Ram-bod?
Like Rambo, but with a D on the end.
Yeah.
What's a Rambo
like a ram?
body of a mountain goat
very sure footed
hard headed
Rambo
Rambo D
Rambo D
force of freedom
Rambo
it could be Rambody
oh we are bumper stumped yeah it could be
ram body but still is a corvette corvette's not a ram right no that's a dodge truck yeah the dodge
truck so we're stumped yeah we're stumped yeah Rambod. I saw an Aston Martin the other day,
which is the kind of car that James Bond sometimes drives.
I think he leases.
But this one had, it didn't have a vanity plate,
but it did have a regular three-number, three-letter plate,
and the three numbers happened to be 007.
It was like 007JPF or whatever.
So someone in the office was like, give him this one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We've been saving this.
Did they see what kind of car they're putting it on?
Maybe.
Yeah.
But on the back, it just looked normal.
On the front, he had cut it or folded it over so it looked like one of those long skinny British ones.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Like what a cool guy.
You can fold your license plate?
Your front license plate
doesn't seem to matter.
Huh.
Yeah.
You don't have to stick
your registration to it.
I don't know what the deal is with that.
Kind of funny how license plates
kind of just they
were like okay
we've got it to this level of technology
and we're just stopping like it's not going to be like a code that you could scan it's not going to
be anything but just a metal plate that has had numbers and letters uh yeah i guess i want digital
i guess i want something a bit like they ones, like, but they're still just like, ka-chunk, came out of a machine.
Yeah.
Presumably by a convict.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess I don't really know what else I want from a license plate, but you know,
over in the Europe, they have those long, long plastic ones.
Plastic?
Well, they look, they look more plasticky than our.
I think they're the same.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But they're not punched out.
They're just printed on.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Lame.
What do their convicts do?
Get rehabilitated?
Yeah, break rocks.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
Well, that was a thing for, I guess, in a time when it was hard to get gravel, that
you'd have prisoners breaking rocks.
Busy work, I think.
Yeah.
Oh, I see.
Yeah.
But they must have sold off the broken rocks to somebody.
Maybe.
Yeah.
I mean, if there's a dollar to be made, I'm sure.
A little gravel pit.
Yeah.
Because now they do whatever, right?
Call in centers.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, if I've learned anything from Orange is the New Black, yes.
Yeah. What have I learned from Orange is the New Black? The prison's nicer than you think. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if I've learned anything from Orange is the New Black, yes. Yeah.
What have I learned from Orange is the New Black?
The prison's nicer than you think.
Yeah.
And that Jason Biggs is kind of underrated.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The whole cast of American Pie should get back together.
Do another sequel.
You mean American Reunion?
Yeah. It already happened, buddy. Do another sequel. You mean American Reunion? Yeah. Already happened, buddy.
Every
ten years. I saw it on the movie channel the
other day.
Do they resolve anything? I guess
everything was tied up. They kind of
make fun of Stifler for being out of
date. Right. So there's
a little bit of that. Like, what do you mean
we're not homophobic anymore?
How many
of the full cast
American Pies
are there?
Three?
No,
I think there's like eight.
Yeah,
no,
because there's so many
that are just
Is Bandcamp not them?
No,
that's just like
Eugene Levy and a flute.
There's at least four
because there's a reunion,
there's a wedding,
one,
and then one and two
and a wedding and a reunion.
And there's summer vacation
or whatever, isn't that three? That was the second one. The second one. It was the summer vacation. Yeah, summer of St Wedding. One. And the one and two and a wedding and a reunion. And there's summer vacation or whatever.
Isn't that three?
That was the second one.
The second one.
It was the summer vacation.
Yeah.
Summer of Stifler.
Yeah.
I feel like I've watched them all.
Yeah.
I don't know that I've seen the reunion one, but I feel like I have.
So maybe I have.
I've definitely seen Bandcamp and it is.
Why have I seen that?
Oh boy.
On the plane?
Yeah.
It's a plane movie. No, we also have overheard Sent Into Us from people the plane? Yeah. It's a plane movie.
No, we also have overheard Sent Into Us.
I don't think it is a plane movie.
I don't think they would show you a lot of things that are like...
They show everything on a plane.
I guess they do now, yeah.
I look over and someone's getting beaten to death on someone else's screen.
And everyone else can see it.
Yeah.
But no straight up porno, but pretty close.
Some love scenes.
And sometimes you can watch plane crash documentary shows.
No.
Yes.
No.
Because they show TV and sometimes CBC is playing.
Oh, sure.
Like, world's greatest plane crashes on the plane.
That's your tax dollars award.
Yeah.
Fucking CBC.
World's greatest.
Greatest. In our greatest. Greatest.
In our countdown.
Number nine.
This is kind of, a lot of people don't give this plane crash the respect it deserves.
It might be Spike TV.
Oh.
Is that now the Paramount Network?
It is.
It changed.
CBC is Canada's Spike.
I think we can all agree.
I was watching the Paramount Network.
They had this show called Ink Master.
Yeah.
And it was hosted by David Navarro.
Navarro.
David Navarro.
David C. Navarro.
From Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane,
Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, for tattoo artists and it was the like i just caught 10 seconds of it but it was
like two seconds at the very beginning eight seconds of silence yeah as they're like
building up tension it was and the winner is
sausage sausage. This guy named sausage is so happy.
His name was sausage.
Yeah.
It wasn't a tattoo of a sausage.
Oh, I wish.
Oh, yeah.
If anybody's getting a tattoo out there, consider a sausage.
Yeah.
A sausage that has the word sausage written on it.
By sausage.
By sausage.
Yeah.
Now, we also have overheards sent in into us from people all over the map.
If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximum fun.org.
And this first one comes from Mariel H in Columbus, Ohio.
Hemingway?
Yeah, Mariel Hemingway.
What is she in?
She's in, what's her famous movie?
She's an actress.
Yeah, I know.
But what's her signature piece?
Was she in Manhattan?
Is that her? Yes.
Muriel? It's Muriel.
Come on.
How close are you going to...
I was on the bus this weekend, and there was a man
who looked about 50 sitting in the back
corner on his cell phone the whole way.
The only part of his conversation that I heard
clearly was this.
R. Kelly. I said, have you heard of him?
Well, you should really check him out.
I mean, why not now?
I guess if you haven't heard of him now, where do you start?
Oh, trapped in a closet?
I would start with the headlines.
Who was on the other end?
I'm writing an essay on bad people.
Oh, R. Kelly Kelly have you heard of him
yeah
check him out
this guy
he's got it all
and uh
thanks dad
yeah
he's a little kid
writing an essay
on demons
really
yeah
um
yeah I mean
he's been around
how
like a long time now
R. Kelly
yeah
early 90s
yeah since the
90s
since the new
jack swing
so it's not
inconceivable that a
50 year old would
be familiar with
the works of R. Kelly
yeah
but it would be
inconceivable that
R. Kelly would be
familiar with a
50 year old
hmm
pretty good
thank you
yeah
this next one comes from Rob B.
Uh-huh.
Parts unknown, but in a Chipotle near the bathroom where I heard a teen say,
this is like a near-death experience.
I don't know.
I've never been to Chipotle.
Oh, you gotta.
Yeah, but not based on this.
I mean, the bathrooms you don't want to go.
No. Yeah. You been?
Yeah, it's fine. It's fine.
It's just like Mexican
food. Fast food. Fast food. Yeah.
Yeah, no, it's great.
See, yeah,
I knew that you liked it. No, I
said last week, I think I might just like
that Chipotle Tabasco sauce.
Oh, right. Because I put it on everything now.
Creme fraiche? Nope.
Not even close. I feel like
creme fraiche,
that's something that I only hear
of on cooking shows.
Yeah, I think they have it like that.
Sour cream? Yeah, but they call it a creme fraiche.
I gotta
tell you, they don't have that.
Chipotle?
Okay, Google.
Creme fraiche would be like what you would put on like...
It's like...
I'm thinking of Whole Foods.
Whole Foods has creme fraiche instead of sour cream.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Ah, right.
Knocking on heaven's door.
There we go.
This last one comes from Tom
in upstate New York.
This is a kid say the darndest overheard.
I was playing a game with my three-year-old son
where we make little cities on a map.
We finished a city.
Everybody's building cities,
building...
Babies having cities.
Yeah, babies building cities.
And I asked him what he thought it looked
like son it looks like a dragon i see it's two butts oh yeah yeah as the dragon grows they grow
two butts so yeah is that true i don't know from dragons i know from demons yeah how many butts
demons got the demons are going the four and five butt range four or five butts butts a demon's got? B-demons go in the four and five butt range. Four and five butts on a demon.
Just one on a devil, but what a tushy.
Oh, boy.
He has a little squishy little hot foot.
Is that his name?
Hot stuff.
Sure, but hot foot works.
Yeah, why not?
Yeah.
In addition to overheards that are written in,
we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us.
It couldn't be easier.
What you got to do,
you get your phone,
you make sure there's a chip card.
What are they called?
Yeah, chip and pin.
You got to use chip and pin technology.
And you dial 1-844-779-7631.
That's one.
Ugh.
SpyPod 1.
Like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham and cool guest.
This is Chris from South Jersey calling in with an overheard.
I was at a wedding reception last night at a
restaurant in South Philly and I heard one of the
what I assume to be groomsmen talking
with the groom and a couple of other friends
and I heard him say
well, I can't say for sure
whether or not I'm going to be pegged
in this lifetime.
I'm only 34.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was a long life.
Yeah, and your prime pagan years
are right around the corner.
Yeah, sure.
36, 39. Keep yourself life. Yeah, and your prime pagan years are right around the corner. 36, 39.
Keep yourself open.
Both figuratively.
What do you think are the best pagan years?
I mean, any years you're
with somebody who's tender.
Who knows the move.
A lover with a slow hand.
A lover with an easy touch.
Yeah, you can leave your hat on.
These are the kind of music you listen to while a lover with a slow hand, a lover with an easy touch. Yeah, you can leave your hat on. Yeah.
These are the kind of music
you listen to while pegging.
Yeah, I think so.
You want to put on
some early 90s Bonnie Raitt.
Sure.
Yeah.
And then, you know what?
Give us something to talk about.
Raitt.
What is it?
Raitt.
Sorry.
There is an R-A-I-T-T.
Yeah.
I mean, maybe I've never said it out loud before.
Maybe I've always just read it.
But you know what?
Everyone says Rayet.
I don't know if that's right.
Bonnie Rayet.
I've never heard her say it.
That's true.
Hi, everybody.
I'm Bonnie Rayet.
This is Bonnie Rayet for cystic fibrosis awareness.
Bonnie Rayet. This is Bonnie Reitt for cystic fibrosis awareness.
Bonnie Reitt.
This is Bonnie Reitt.
I am Bonnie Reitt, and I'm here representing.
Basketball's my favorite sport.
I love it. I love the way they dribble up and down the court.
That's Curtis Below.
Curtis Below.
That is like, I can't believe that passed for rapping.
He was talking about his favorite sport.
I know, but it's like the fact that people were impressed by the easiest rhymes in the world.
I like alley-oops and dribbling the ball.
Do you rhyme alley-oop with hoop?
Yeah, definitely.
It's like that kind of thing where whatever the first line is, you can guess what the second line is.
Yeah, it's true.
You probably just wrote down, okay, what are a lot of basketball words?
And then just we'll rhyme that and then we'll just fill in the detail.
And when you can compare that to like Lose Yourself, which is like the anthem of my generation.
Oh, fuck.
It's just, oh, it came on the radio the other day.
I was like, oh, this is the anthem of my generation.
God damn food stamps don't buy diapers.
Hi, Dave and Graham and wonderful guests.
This is Justin in Vancouver calling with an overseen.
I was just at McDonald's and the employees behind the counter were wearing black promotional T-shirts.
I think they had like a box of fries in yellow on the
back and on the sleeve
it said, I just came for the food
on the short sleeve and unfortunately
one of the employees had that
sleeve rolled up so it said
I just came.
Pretty good.
Pretty good. A real cum heavy episode.
Yeah.
God damn.
It's, I go to the thrift
store a lot and every
once in a while there'll just be like a large dump
of that type of shirt.
Like a, ask me
about our
family plan or whatever.
And there'll just be a hundred of those
at the thrift store. Chipotle would just be a hundred of those.
Chipotle, now with creme fraiche.
What do they think anybody wants to wear those for?
The employees didn't want to wear them.
They had to wear them.
Yeah.
And then the day after the event,
ask us about our incredible two.
Maybe you need someone who happens be like making a short film.
Yeah, that's true.
And they don't have a budget for uniforms of a fast food place.
Yeah.
Let's go to the thrift store.
That's like, that's basically what they're hoping for when they put those out.
Here's your final overheard.
Hey guys, this is Andy from Atlanta.
I'm calling from the National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York.
And I was standing near an exhibit featuring Lou Gehrig.
And behind me was what appeared to be a middle-aged woman with her elderly father.
And she saw the exhibit and went, oh, Lou Gehrig.
Did he die of Lou Gehrig's disease?
And the dad quietly said, yeah.
And she said, oh, that's a bad disease.
Off I go.
Yeah, I mean, he's right.
Thumbs it up.
Yeah.
This is Bonnie Raitt for Lou Gehrig's disease.
Yeah.
You know, Lou Gehrig's disease.
He got the disease and he had to change his name, I heard.
From who? Just from Ned. Yeah. Yeah. Lou Gehrig's disease. He got the disease and he had to change his name, I heard. From?
To?
Just from Ned.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Needle Nose Ned.
Do you...
We solved Lou Gehrig's disease with dumping cold water on ourselves?
Oh, yeah.
I forgot about that.
Is that what that was?
Yeah.
Yeah.
ALS.
The ALS Hot Bucket Challenge.
People scalded themselves from coast to coast. Ice Bucket Challenge. People scalded themselves from coast to coast.
Ice Bucket Challenge.
Hot Wing Challenge.
I want some disease to come up with a Hot Wing Challenge because you know what?
I got a craving.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And what is it?
Is it that you're trying to eat the hottest wing?
No, I just want a lot of hot wings.
Like a pound of hot wings.
And I challenge you, brother-in-law, and you, Jennifer from work.
Well, that brings us to the end of this here episode.
Taz, do you have anything that you'd like to plug?
Oh, no.
No, no.
Oh, come check out the show every Sunday at the the fox yeah it's nice it's 9 p.m
we're there air conditioned air conditioned oh yeah can't beat it yeah yeah and uh and if you're
somebody out there that's like maybe maybe you're thinking of a dip in a toe in being a you know
doing some improv or even some stand-up.
You can go to Blind Tiger.
No,
we don't do stand-up.
Sketch.
Sketch.
Okay.
Yeah,
if you want me to train you
to be my competition,
go to
blindtigercomedy.ca.
There it is.
Is that the official?
I mean,
that's essentially
what we're doing.
Yeah.
We're training people
to take our jobs
down the road or more people to take our jobs.
Yeah, I guess so. Down the road.
Yeah, yeah.
Or more aptly be our colleagues.
There you go.
Sure.
Yeah.
Tomorrow's colleagues, today.
Yeah.
That would be better.
Today's thieves, tomorrow's colleagues.
Thieves?
Yeah, I guess they're paying us.
We're the thieves.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait a second.
I think you're entering into an agreement.
No, I don't understand business, guys.
Someone's getting ripped off.
That doesn't have to be the case.
No, no, no.
No, this is scam.
Okay.
Well, if you say so.
Yeah, stay away.
So don't sign up.
Don't sign up.
It's a scam.
It's a blind tiger comedy.
We will be in Edmonton October 5th.
We'll be in other cities around then.
I don't know if we can announce them yet.
And no tickets are on sale for any other ones.
We'll let you know as soon as we know.
Yeah.
Be afraid.
Be very afraid.
I'll be in Winnipeg at the Winnipeg Fringe Festival starting on July 19th at Wee Johnny's Pub.
If you want to come see a show, that's the place to be.
Wee Johnny's.
Fantastic venue.
Yeah.
Funny name.
It is a very funny name.
And if you like the podcast, you can find us online on Twitter at Stop Podcasting.
We're on Facebook.
That's where you post all your bumper stumpers.
Yeah.
Rambod.
Yeah.
And if you like the show, please tell your friends to come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org
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