Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 539 - Jane Stanton

Episode Date: July 16, 2018

Comedian Jane Stanton returns to talk dogs swallowing coins, tooth troubles, and losing your phone....

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 539 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's made a, what is it called? A Paloma? Yeah. He's drinking a nice, cold, frosty evening Paloma. Mr. Dave Shumka.
Starting point is 00:00:39 Hi. It's just grapefruit soda tequila. Yeah. But it sounds like a Pal a paloma sounds like what what fun yeah yeah yeah like if you had a bar you would probably put a zest yeah oh yeah i would be like and it would be you know dave's fave paloma special tuesday night what are dave's faves what's the name of this bar dave's. Dave's. Okay. Big Wave Dave's? Yeah, Big Wave Dave's. Because it's by the beach.
Starting point is 00:01:08 And it's got a surfing theme and some weird spy music, too. I always think it's weird that James Bond music is surf guitar. Yeah. And just because when the first movie came out, that's the kind of music that was popular? That's true. So, like, if in 50 years, whatever, I can't think of, A, a popular movie, and B, a popular movie. Hunger Games and hip-hop. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:42 Yeah, or if, like, the Hunger Games became, like, a long thing and it was just, like, Florence and the Machinehop. Yeah. Or if The Hunger Games became a long thing and it was just like Florence and the Machine or whatever forever. That's my motto. Florence and the Machine forever. Florence and the Machine
Starting point is 00:01:54 or whatever forever. Our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, one of our faves, very funny comedian, has a comedy album coming out sometime this year. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:07 But won't commit to a date. No. It's Jane Stanton. Hello. Hello. How are you? I'm great. Thank you for coming to the podcast.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming back every year. Once a year. Yeah. On my anniversary. When's your birthday? June 30th. Did you go hard?
Starting point is 00:02:29 A little bit. I went up to Whistler. I'm not that person. Oh, I saw photos. I was wondering where they're at. Yeah. Let's get to know us. Carol's just like,
Starting point is 00:02:38 ah. Get to know us. What is, so what kind of person goes to Whistler? Australians. Australians. A lot of chicks, they're like, we're going to get crazy. Like they went up in a party bus kind of thing? Oh yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 00:03:00 Yeah. And just dress like, I want to fuck, but let's not fuck. Let's pretend to fuck. Have you been in stagettes? I mean, you've had your own. You've been married four times. Five. You used to play in a band, Jane.
Starting point is 00:03:14 Oh, I forgot about Trent. Why? So you've been in many stagettes? Yeah. What goes on? Stagette, if you're not, if you don't use the term bachelorette party, that's what we're talking about. Yeah. How, what goes on? Stagette, if you're not, if you don't use the term bachelorette party,
Starting point is 00:03:27 that's what we're talking about. Yeah. Or a hen party. Hen party. They're just, everyone gets super drunk, let's get the bride super drunk
Starting point is 00:03:35 that they're puking, someone's holding their hair. I know, and somebody collects the puke in little vials to give out as gifts. Or you throw it after they get married.
Starting point is 00:03:45 Right. Throw it. Yeah, yeah it after they get married. Right. Throw it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, not rice. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something vile.
Starting point is 00:03:50 Yes. But like, I know that goes on broadly, but what like, what specifically have you seen in a stag? Yeah, what did you see up in Whistler?
Starting point is 00:04:00 Whistler? Or in one of your own? One of my own, the stripper was a guy I went to high school with. It was at my friend's house. And I'm like, why is he here? What's going on?
Starting point is 00:04:11 And then it was like cutoffs that were like, it was like a piece of jean. Like it was like, they were tattered. And it was like the pockets beyond hanging out. Like they were like, it was just pockets. And then. That was his stripper nickname was pockets and then he kept coming up and doing like the the jazz box to like everyone and then he saw me and did like a circle and what's the yeah what's the jazz box like left
Starting point is 00:04:39 step right step left under or over i don't know oh. Oh, sure. Okay. And then back. And like, would you spin? I would need, I'd need to have footprints with numbers on the ground. You just spray paint it. Yeah. And we're ready to go. Sexy stencil. And then he had his like baby arm hanging out. Oh, it was just hanging out next to the pockets?
Starting point is 00:05:01 Yeah. Just pockets. Inappropriates. And then afterwards i was like hey you grew up in north and he's like no no he's like well where'd you go to school and i said he's like no it wasn't me then i was like no it was you here i'll go get my yearbook from upstairs i have it in my knapsack he's making a ton of money i tipped him a loonie so who knows yeah yeah yeah when was this
Starting point is 00:05:27 how long ago I want to say like probably five years ago wow you don't see like old strippers like do you maybe you don't
Starting point is 00:05:36 I mean I wish I did do you think you don't know if he's still doing it he could be retired can we yeah he was saving up
Starting point is 00:05:44 always a stripper like magic like he was saving up. Always a stripper like Magic Mikey was saving up. I just want to watch my baby arm grow old. Turn into an adult arm. Watch it grow up in the twilight of my years. Yeah, the pitter patter of my crazy appendage. So was he a good dancer? He was good, I guess. Who's the best stripper dancer you've ever seen?
Starting point is 00:06:12 None. I don't like. I don't like. It's just uncomfortable. You don't go crazy like everybody else? It's not just in the movies, Dave. And then the guy will pretend to have sex with the floor, and ladies will be losing their minds. Like, they're there.
Starting point is 00:06:28 Oh, yeah. Are you watching? And it'll be like Bon Jovi, for sure. And they're like, there's a blanket. They're picturing him having sex with Bon Jovi. Yeah, that's what they're doing. A bed of roses. Always that song.
Starting point is 00:06:41 It's always, they like to do, they like to hump the floor. I just have to go to the washroom. Do a ballad it's weird it's super weird but like was this at somebody
Starting point is 00:06:51 at a bar or at somebody's house or what one pockets yeah or any of them that was
Starting point is 00:06:58 like because there aren't too many male strip clubs no that I know of that we know of yeah That we know of. Yeah, sure. There's a lot underground.
Starting point is 00:07:07 Yeah. It would be funny if you went out just to have drinks with friends and you're like, yeah, I mean, the decor is kind of a lot of, you know, greased up men, but I don't say that. And then all of a sudden, welcome to the stage, Papa Smurf. That's what they do. They do weird stuff like that. The guys will dress up and then they'll be like, I'm not. That's what they do. They do weird stuff like that. The guys will dress up
Starting point is 00:07:26 and then they'll be like, I'm not Santa Claus and they come out. These females will be like, I was going to say like sexy, an outfit and then they take it off
Starting point is 00:07:34 but guys will be dressed What do you think women come out dressed as at a strip club? I know what they do. I've been there. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:07:41 I think they do just like, isn't it all like the same stripping but like now I was a nurse and then this next one is a police officer or whatever we're mostly civil servants a bureaucrat
Starting point is 00:07:55 yeah I work for the city doing landscaping in the summer there was one that a guy was a dinosaur, like came out as a dinosaur egg. He was a dinosaur. He came out of a dinosaur egg? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:12 I was laughing so hard. Was it a one-time use egg or did they have a reusable stage egg? It was reusable. And people were going crazy and I was laughing. I was crying. I was laughing so hard because I was like, this is ridiculous. Was he able to open a door handle with his wiener yes nature finds a way it was
Starting point is 00:08:31 could be called jurassic mark his name was mark sure dick lodocus um pterodactyl pterodactyl yeah stagosaurus yeah tyrannosaurus sex um
Starting point is 00:08:51 you've been to a to a lady a lady triceratops like where ladies strip yeah where ladies
Starting point is 00:09:00 go to strip uh yeah it's I haven't been in years. I don't know. Ditto. How did you end up in one? I was too adamant.
Starting point is 00:09:11 I did not believe that at all. I don't know. Probably with guys that were like, we're going for the nachos. And I was like, yeah. Yeah. Chose before hose. Strip club nachos. Wow.
Starting point is 00:09:27 I mean, it's probably among the safer bets. Yeah. The more kind of sterile. Yeah. Bring me the chili con carne. Yeah. Cocktail shrimp. Give me the chowder.
Starting point is 00:09:41 Clam or? Corn. Both. You know what makes it a chowder? Clam or corn. Both. Do you know what makes it a chowder? Did someone tell us? Potato content. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:53 Yeah. And now you know. Flower. Whatever. Yeah. Well, you know what? These are the things you learn as you get older. You do.
Starting point is 00:10:01 How's your, do you have a menagerie of animals now? No, I have two. Okay. Lulu, the one that I should kill, she ate a- Fuck, marry, kill. All of them. How old is Lulu now?
Starting point is 00:10:19 I don't know. I've had her since 2011. Okay. I have insurance she just ate a loonie like a couple months ago. Out of all strippers' 2011. Okay. I have insurance she just ate a loonie like a couple months ago. Out of a stripper's penis. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:30 Out of a stripper's baby hand. Yeah. It was some of my tits. They fell out and I didn't know what was wrong with her.
Starting point is 00:10:39 She was puking, puking. I took her to the vet. They gave her a shot then she was still puking like an ante-nose. Yeah. And then they're like let's do an x-ray her to the vet. They gave her a shot. Then she was still puking like an ante-nose. Yeah. And then they're like, let's do an x-ray.
Starting point is 00:10:47 They did it. The loony was stuck. Oh, boy. And then they took it out. Then she couldn't breathe. I don't know. So they put the loony back in. And then she couldn't breathe.
Starting point is 00:10:58 She was allergic to being put under. Oh, okay. And then she had to go to Cam West, which is really, really expensive. But worth it. But worth it. But worth it, because she's still here. Yeah. Is that a regular occurrence, eating things she shouldn't? Yeah, that's always. But that was at my parents' house.
Starting point is 00:11:20 My sister, in November, I'm trying not to laugh. Anyways, a tree fell on my sister. So she's at my sister's place, literally. I like that you're like, well, I'm trying not to laugh. It sounds like it's a joke. Was it a big tree? Yeah, like 60 foot part of a tree. Did it fall all the way on her?
Starting point is 00:11:38 Yeah. Like pounding her into the ground like Elmer Fudd? Yes. Like broke her leg, broke her ankle, broke. Oh, yikes. Ribs. Has no right arm still, but. Has no right arm still?
Starting point is 00:11:49 Like it's there, but like it's. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't squish stuff. Yeah. Wow. So she had like, she has dogs and she had like dogs.
Starting point is 00:12:02 She had dogs. She can do other things. She just can't squish anything. Yeah. I was doing the can't squish anything. Yeah. I was doing the hand motion of like, which was like from Porky's like, that's what I was like squished up. It's very hard for like,
Starting point is 00:12:16 and her job was she worked at Play-Doh. Yeah. That'd be the worst. Just every day, just checks in, puts two hands in a vat. Still squishy. So there was, she had change in a bag that had dog treats.
Starting point is 00:12:31 And I was at my parents and my dog just was like. Oh, okay. So that wouldn't be like a normal thing that happened. Right. Yeah. It was just that it was like a trap. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:42 It was like $5,000. Whoa. Yeah. He swallowed $5, was like $5,000. Whoa. Yeah. He swallowed $5,000? $5,000 loonies. What's the strangest thing my dog ever swallowed, you wonder? Yes. I want to know.
Starting point is 00:12:56 Two batteries. And he was up all night. He had so much energy. Did he really swallow any batteries? I thought you were going to say, was he really energetic? No, a bunch of cocaine. That makes sense. Left him alone in a room with cocaine.
Starting point is 00:13:12 And I said, if you don't touch this cocaine, there will be more cocaine for you later. And he just didn't. Yeah, I made a little, I had two dogs at the time. And we did like one of those prisoner, what do they call it? A blind prisoner test?
Starting point is 00:13:29 Double blind test? Yeah. What? We don't know. The prisoner's dilemma. Oh, right. And I was like, we don't know which one of you stole the cocaine. Anybody stole it?
Starting point is 00:13:42 Anyway. But if you fess up, but if neither of you fess up, you go free and you get all the cocaine. They stole it. Anyway. But if you fess up, but if neither of you fess up, you go free and you get all the cocaine. Yeah. Or something. As is our law system.
Starting point is 00:13:52 If we can't get you both to fess up, then you get the thing that you stole? Is that how it goes? Is cocaine going to be legal soon? I hope so.
Starting point is 00:14:00 I hope so too. Yeah. I think it would be cool if just like the whole country had a big heart attack. Or just felt like you were having one all. I wouldn't know. No. I've never, I don't think I've ever been offered cocaine.
Starting point is 00:14:19 Yeah, me either. Yeah. I've been offered some horse, you know, some special K. Yeah. I've been offered some horse, you know, some special K. I've been offered a special K bar by a lady at Costco. Did you take it? No, I'm a man.
Starting point is 00:14:35 Yeah, good for you. It's women's cereal. Special K? Yeah. Oh, geez. What about a bar that has, you know. Vector. That's a Vector. Oh, yeah, Vector's a man that has you know vector that's vectors for guys
Starting point is 00:14:46 yeah yeah yeah and uh cause it's got lots of wheat in it hemoglobin uh no vectors of man's bar
Starting point is 00:14:55 cause it's got like uh it's in the picture it's two yeah always it's this guy climbing a mountain
Starting point is 00:15:00 yeah or racing yeah it's got Oakley sunglasses on it. Free in every box? Yeah. What, so your dog, your other dog is okay?
Starting point is 00:15:13 Yeah. Okay. Good. Fine. Yeah. Hasn't swallowed anything? No. Except food.
Starting point is 00:15:19 Food, yeah. Yeah. Our dog, my grandpa, my grandpa dog, he is 14 years old. Oh, my God. And we had linguine for dinner tonight. We had some linguine. Yeah. And after we eat, like, a long noodle like that, I like to hold it up, and he'll get on his back legs and eat it.
Starting point is 00:15:38 Aw. And, like, reach for it. Getting to the point where it's not worth it for him. Yeah, even though it's delicious, delicious noodle. He can't do it. He's getting to the point where it's not worth it for him. Yeah, even though it's delicious delicious noodle. He can't do it. Well, he can do it, but he's not going to do like a bunch of like, you know, sachets with it. He's 14.
Starting point is 00:15:54 I know. Yeah. He's old. Yeah, he's an old man. Yeah. You don't know how old your dogs are, right? No. So you could have a couple of 14-year-olds for all you know. I could, yeah. Weird.
Starting point is 00:16:07 Or 20-year-olds, who knows? Yeah. Weird. So weird. I think you don't have 20-year-olds. I could. I'm telling you, you don't have 20-year-olds. You don't know, Dave.
Starting point is 00:16:19 If they keep getting a lot of change. It's going to be soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her time is soon. You think? i don't know she likes living on the edge that's why i feel like two episodes ago with lachlan we talked about like five dog deaths do we we're doing it uh so what else is going on uh i had an audition today okay for a show that i was banned i for four years to audition.
Starting point is 00:16:48 They're like, listen, the four-year ban has been lifted. It's been lifted. I thought it was a lifetime ban. It was for Supernatural. Why did you get banned from... I'll tell you. I had an eight-page audition four years ago, and I was never seeing the show.
Starting point is 00:17:09 And... Why should you? maybe for that edition you should and I was supposed to be tied up and I was like no no like committed and then they I don't know I can't remember if they injected me and then I became a demon so I thought like Buffy the vampire satyr like I was like leave me alone like for like a minute it was director producer session like gave it crying at the end and they're like have you seen the show before
Starting point is 00:17:31 and I was like no they're like it's not like Buffy and I had watched a couple Buffy's to like get ready and they're like
Starting point is 00:17:42 yeah demon like they don't change voices when you become a demon. Wow. And I was like, okay. Yeah, they just change hairdos on our show. Get up with the wiggle. Does Teen Wolf have a regular voice?
Starting point is 00:17:56 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just Michael J. Fox's voice. Yeah. Yeah, but he makes some monster-y sounds while he's transforming. Yeah. Yon-Ga-Goo-Gah.
Starting point is 00:18:08 Wow. So why did they actually say you were banned? No, I just have it in four. The show's been on for 14 years. I remember it was on when we got our dog. So I watched the pilot when we got our dog. And they're just like, we've had every actor in town on this show we never expected it to work to go this long wow so what do we name the stars of uh supernatural floyd uh-huh floyd mcmaster he's uh he's not the star he's the third lead
Starting point is 00:18:43 yeah that's two guys yeah right from I feel like like soaps or something they were from one of them one of them was a Gilmore girl
Starting point is 00:18:52 really no I think so no do you know where they're from did you ever watch the show in between the time that you're
Starting point is 00:19:05 did I before today so how did your audition go today it was good it was just normal but in the end I really wanted to be like thank you
Starting point is 00:19:13 was it the same casting agent yeah I wanted to do so badly but I didn't meow meow
Starting point is 00:19:21 I'm a cat woman. Were you also somebody that was turning into a demon? No. That's what happened in every episode. It was just someone that was a fan of religion and God. A fan of God. A fan of GMD. But if I had done that and just changed,
Starting point is 00:19:45 it would have been, I thought, hilarious. Has it really been on 14 years? Did you look that up? No, because my audition said 14. Season 14.
Starting point is 00:19:54 Good God. I'm a big fan of Good God. But I can't believe I haven't seen anything more than like an ad for it. Ad, that's it. But I'm the same with Grey's Anatomy.
Starting point is 00:20:06 It's been on for how many years now? It's about the same. Yeah. No, it's not done. I thought it was done. No. Still on. Still on.
Starting point is 00:20:14 And I've never seen an episode. I saw a clip of an episode. Don't. Where she, one of the ladies sleeps with a ghost. Shut up. She does. It's like you're talking about passions right now. No, there was an episode. Rest in peace. Was it Kesha? One of the ladies sleeps with a ghost. Shut up. She does. It's like you're talking about passions right now.
Starting point is 00:20:28 No, there was an episode. Rest in peace. Was it Kesha? Was it the episode Kesha was on? I don't know. Was Kesha a guest star? No, but Kesha slept with a ghost. Did you see the episode where she sleeps with McDreamy? No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:20:41 As a ghost? I'm just making stuff up. That would be good. For sure there was an episode where she slept with a ghost of her dead husband make dreamy he died and and then i was like oh this show could go on forever because it's got to be infinite plot you can yeah if the ghosts are in play yeah yeah if you're allowed to have sex with a ghost stri but I want to. Oh, that's a good idea. Like a guy comes out in a sheet with a little hole in it.
Starting point is 00:21:09 Pockets hanging out. Yeah, it was season 14. They just rapped. Wow. Yeah, so there you go. I mean, they rapped. Like, it was the rap season. Hello, my name is Dr. Gray, and I'm here to say that rapping is cool and surgery is cool.
Starting point is 00:21:25 Everybody here is cool. That's 14 seasons as well? Yeah. I got in on that. My friend kept telling me, like, season three, you got to watch it. So then I, like, marathoned it. Meredith. Yes.
Starting point is 00:21:36 For four seasons. And I was like, this is stupid. And I just, like, I don't know why I was even watching it. There was an episode where a woman had sex with a ghost. So how can that be the same show? How can that be a stupid show is what I'm saying. I didn't give it time. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:51 I didn't give it time. Give it time. Yeah, give it. I say go back and then come all the way through to season 14. And then maybe your next audition will go a little better. Supernatural? That's right. That's right. That's right.
Starting point is 00:22:06 I think it will too. I got a little lost there in the middle. You're like four grand. You know what? I'm very nice. And I think I deserve a little bit of respect. Dave, what are you talking about again? I'm very nice.
Starting point is 00:22:19 Yeah. I'm nice. And furthermore. Yeah. Five nights. And furthermore. Have you been auditioning a lot? Or is it?
Starting point is 00:22:31 I don't know. I don't know what time of year is busy. It's busy right now, but I wasn't for like a year because I have a job at a tech company making people lunch. Like a giant salad bar. You make giant salads for people at a tech company like a big giant salad bar huh yeah and you're in charge of the salad bar well i eat it at the same time but yeah one for you one for me five for me none for you um what are the popular salads these days amongst techies yeah pasta salad i did it today. Oh, sure. I don't even count that.
Starting point is 00:23:06 I did a tortellini salad. I cooked it. I added peas, pesto, made a Italian dressing, boccaccini. Wow. Sun-dried tomatoes. You make your dressings?
Starting point is 00:23:15 You make your own dressings? I do goddess. And you're allowed to. I do goddess. That is too much. I make a goddess dressing. What is a goddess dressing? Yeah, what is that apple cider vinegar
Starting point is 00:23:26 bragg soy sauce tahini uh nutritional yeast sunflower oil oh powder it's really really good oh it's like the uh glory bowl yes which i didn't didn't want to say because it sounds dirty it does sound dirty i make it for the glory pool so So then you make up, you decide what salads they're going to have. You're like the salad queen of tech. Yeah. Oh, man. I saw you on the cover of Fast Company. The salad queen of tech.
Starting point is 00:23:55 The salad queen of tech is dead. And your shit just killed me. Shit. Oh, shit. Well, that's crazy. That's a lot of responsibility. Also, I can only name three salads. Oh, boy. Caesar. Four bean salad. Three bean salad. Oh, that's crazy. That's a lot of responsibility. Also, I can only name three salads. Oh, boy.
Starting point is 00:24:05 Caesar. Four-bean salad. Three-bean salad. Oh, Dave. Oh, man. Bocconcini salad. Tomato bocconcini salad. Caesar.
Starting point is 00:24:14 Oh, yeah. Caprese? Is that? Yeah, that's what that is. That's what that is. Yeah. And then Cobb. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Good one. Oh, what's the one that's left? But I have the ingredients. Is this Cobb have tuna in it? No, that's the one that's left? But I have the ingredients. Does this cob have tuna in it? No, that's the N1. Oh, Jane, don't say the N1 on that show. Oh, don't say it, Graeme. No.
Starting point is 00:24:33 Nisouas. Nisouas. Yeah. I do like a Moroccan salad with quinoa and whatnot, dates, raisins. Nice. Spices. I'll eat only raisins in a salad I won't even eat
Starting point is 00:24:45 Raisins in a cookie Yeah I will Because it's a cookie But Same way that your dog Ate change I'd eat change
Starting point is 00:24:55 In a cookie If the cookie's The delivery system Then Is that your I don't know a lot About you Graham Is that your
Starting point is 00:25:02 Your A little bit of Your guilty pleasure? Yeah, I like cookies. Do you? Yeah. What's yours? Your go-to?
Starting point is 00:25:13 Food. Pizza, Chinese food, anything. Anything? But what's the top of that pyramid? What's the top of the guilty food pyramid? Pizza would be up there for sure. Yeah. Because I can't have it.
Starting point is 00:25:28 Oh, because. Celiac. Yeah. But isn't there places in town that now have all gluten free? Yeah. What's the best? The place on Broadway for right across from the Earl's. Not going to give them a shout out.
Starting point is 00:25:41 Just a location. I don't know the name of the pizza slice or something. It's a. It's a. They do a really good. Pizza location. I don't know the name of the pizza slice or something. It's a... It's a... They do a really good... You think it's called the pizza slice? I don't know. I doubt that.
Starting point is 00:25:50 Damn it. Anyways, they do normal pizza and they do gluten-free and it's really good. I don't think I've had good gluten-free pizza yet. It's the only... Good gluten-free? Yeah. You've had some gluten-free. I've had some gluten-free.
Starting point is 00:26:02 Because it usually sucks. Yeah. Why though? It's 2018. Yeah. Surely, though? It's 2018. Yeah. Surely they figured out the right blend. What's a good crust? Cauliflower?
Starting point is 00:26:10 Is that the go-to? No. Rice flour? No. Tapioca flour? A mix of everything. A mix of all flours? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:19 Short of the one. Except for the gluten. The gluten flour. When did you find out you were allergic to gluten? Probably when I was nine or ten years old when I used to drink like a mickey of wild strawberry that's like Pepto-Bismol. It's not around anymore, wild strawberry. Wild strawberry? It was yellow.
Starting point is 00:26:36 It had a strawberry on the front. And I just went. My mom's like, oh, they're supposed to have a sub. What was it? Anti-pooping stuff. But you drink it as a snack? No, I just would be like my stomach's so upset. And then they thought I had Crohn's when I was like
Starting point is 00:26:52 19, 20 because my sister has Crohn's. Not the one that the tree fell on. And then, yeah, celiac. Yeah. That was like 15 years ago. So you have celiac. Your other sister has Crohn's.
Starting point is 00:27:10 Tree fall. Yeah. Do you have any digestive issues? The tree falling. She can't have pine cones anymore. Or squirrel meat. Yeah. Yeah. Is she okay? Yeah. Can we laugh at this. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:26 Is she okay? Yeah. Can we laugh at this? Yeah. She's out of the hospital. She was in the ICU and everything. Right. But no squishing.
Starting point is 00:27:34 I feel bad. No squishing. Yeah. It was only because She can't move her hand? She can't feel that hand. She can like move it just like up and down
Starting point is 00:27:40 like a tiny bit. That's a bit I feel like we're done making fun of her. Yeah. We can't make fun of her. I didn't say to do that. Yeah. That's true bit. I feel like we're done making fun of her. Yeah, we can't make fun of her. I didn't say to do that. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 00:27:47 But we just assumed because of the, because you were so gleeful about it. It's only because the way when I told people, it was like, people think I'm kidding. Yeah, right. But like, hey, this happened. Yeah, it would be very hard if like. When you tell people a tree fell on your sister, what do they say? Did anybody hear it? I'm at 90.
Starting point is 00:28:07 You said we were done making. No, I was asking. 99% of people laugh because they think I'm joking. Yeah. Like when I told Apple, she was like laughing. And then she's like, ah, what? Like four seconds later. But, like, sometimes, you know, that'll, like, people will get hurt and the thing will be, it'll be a hilarious thing. Like, sometimes people get squished by an elephant.
Starting point is 00:28:34 And that's hilarious. Do they live? No, no, probably not. Oh, okay. Yeah, but, like, you know, like, people, every year they say, like, people get trampled by a hippo. And you're like, well, that's a pretty thing. More die in the water, I think, from a hippo. From like.
Starting point is 00:28:52 Getting tipped over and dragged under. Yeah, yeah. But like, you know what I mean? You can't control how hilarious an injury you're going to get. What's the funniest animal to to maim someone i mean i said cheetah yeah cartoon like small like it wouldn't be anything an otter can be pretty vicious yeah and they're and they're pretty funny they're adorable but like i remember watching a a cooking show with it had you, like a kid's cooking show
Starting point is 00:29:25 and they said like, who are you competing for? They always ask that. And this one girl said, I'm competing for my dad because he fell off a ladder and I started laughing and I cried.
Starting point is 00:29:40 Are you talking about Just Like Mom? No, it was like MasterChef Junior. Yeah, it was like a competition show. Do you guys remember that show? Just Like Mom? No, no. It was like a MasterChef Junior. Yeah, it was like a competition show. Do you guys remember that show? Just Like Mom?
Starting point is 00:29:49 Yeah, didn't they try to bring it back? They should. What was this? Just Like Mom was... A cooking show. A cooking show. A Canadian. Very Canadian.
Starting point is 00:29:58 So very Canadian. Was that the one where the host would always kiss the kids? Like open? Yeah. Or like try to steal a kiss. Like, can I give you a kiss? No.
Starting point is 00:30:10 Like it was the 80s and people were like, that's fine. Yeah, this is fun for everyone. The kid doesn't want to. We don't listen to kids. It would be the mom,
Starting point is 00:30:18 they would talk to the mom and the kid and then... It was like the newlywed game? Totally. Oh really? But then the mom would go away and they'd be like, we're going to make chocolate totally oh really but then the mom would go away and they'd be like
Starting point is 00:30:25 we're gonna make chocolate chip cookies and then the kid would be like I'm putting spaghetti in there yeah and the kid they wouldn't give them a recipe which by the way
Starting point is 00:30:34 an adult wouldn't know how to make chocolate chip cookies no I'm the worst at baking the worst like baking for sure
Starting point is 00:30:40 yeah so then and then the thing would always turn out awful yeah and the moms would be like, and the moms would have to eat it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:47 And they would have to guess which kid did it. Yeah. It was like five disgusting things that they have to try. This show sounds great. It was good.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Oh, man. I don't know. I never saw it, but man, oh, man, this says everything.
Starting point is 00:31:03 Do you ever watch Take Part? Take Part. I know that thing, but man, oh man, this has everything. You ever watch Take Part? Take Part. I know that thing, but I... I remember a show called Thrill of a Lifetime. Do you remember that? No. That was like, you would write into the show and say like, I always wanted to go on a blimp, and then they would arrange that.
Starting point is 00:31:19 I mean, it would be more exciting than that. Was this Canadian as well? It was also Canadian. What about Camp Caribou? Camp Caribou, I remember. What I remember about that was this canadian as well it's also canadian what about camp caribou camp caribou i remember i what i remember that was this old british guy who would would he be like he would make a snack and he would tell you how many calories it had and how many like jumping jacks or push-ups you had to do and then he would do them in like sped up motion that's fun that's a fun way for kids to learn caloric intake. And watching what they eat.
Starting point is 00:31:50 Do you know how many calories you're supposed to have in a day? Over a thousand. Because I know on shows where they're like, this child has only had a thousand calories a day. And I'm like, that seems like a lot. I don't know about a child. I should know. about a child. I should know.
Starting point is 00:32:07 An adult should know. For an adult, isn't like 1,500? I think it's like 2,000. Yeah. Okay. 2,000. 2,000. All right.
Starting point is 00:32:14 Well, I think I'm easily passing that before lunch. Oh, yeah. I know. Like 2,000 times four? I'm like, okay,
Starting point is 00:32:21 so this Ben and Jerry's says that a quarter of this Ben and Jerry's container is 300 calories. So I need to multiply that by four to know what I just ate. I've done that too, where I've looked at, I bought something that's, you know, like a thing that says Thins on it, but then you just eat the whole bag of it. And, you know, it says per four. Yes, and you're like no no i've got that too and you count you're like okay i'll have 18 you're like i just had the whole bag well we just bought these uh pretzels with peanut butter on the inside oh my god they're so good and they're yeah they're good
Starting point is 00:33:01 but they're not i don't overload on them but they're peanut. But they're not, I don't overload on them. Well, because of the peanut butter, you're like. Yeah, Aaron Burr. But the serving size says per 17. What? Per 17. Yeah. So I haven't gone that high.
Starting point is 00:33:21 Yeah, I don't know how many pretzels I could eat. Four? Have you had the ones with mustard inside? No. You can do that. We've had the ones that had like a mustardy coating. Oh, yeah, yeah. The Snyders.
Starting point is 00:33:32 Yeah, yeah. They're all broken up in the bag on purpose. Really? Yeah. How come? That's how they make them. Okay, all right. Was that dumb?
Starting point is 00:33:42 Weirdos over at Snyders. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, we just got back from Ontario We sure did We did a great show in Ottawa, not recorded That's right We did a pretty great show in Toronto I think that was recorded, I haven't listened
Starting point is 00:33:58 Okay When we go on tour We decided early on that when we do live shows We're not going to make them like numbered shows part of the sequence. We'll just make them live shows. So we don't have to stress. So I don't have to stress about. Yeah, no kidding.
Starting point is 00:34:12 The recording quality. So, yeah, you might get that. You know what? We still haven't released the one from March. That's right. Yeah, there's. But, you know, there were thanks to everybody who came out to the shows. Yeah, there's, but you know, thanks to everybody who came out to the shows.
Starting point is 00:34:33 And that's the reason you want to buy tickets to see us live is because the sound guy might be like, oh, don't worry, it's already recording. And then later you're like, oh, you didn't hit record twice? You only hit it once? It's not recording. No. Yeah. But what can you do? Nothing.
Starting point is 00:34:43 He seems so confident in it. He's done this a thousand times. And he also had, he had like a silvery ponytail he was like a ponytail sam elliott yeah yeah yeah he really was he's he really was somebody that you could trust and he was ford tough this will be easy this is well like he said i could you know what i could even back it up on my recorder oh i forgot the power supply. Well, just use your recorder. It's fine. Yeah. And then I was like, okay, and I'll go and I'll hit record before we get on stage. He said, don't worry.
Starting point is 00:35:11 I've already started it. Yeah, that's right. He was very confident. And very reassuring. Yeah. But you know what? He'll never know it didn't record. And I'll never see him in my life again.
Starting point is 00:35:21 He's your hero. Yeah, well, that's true. The wind beneath my wings. Yeah, well, that's true. The wind beneath my wings. So, yeah, that was, it was fun being in Ontario. Well, I don't know if it was fun being in Ontario. It was so hot. So hot. Man, oh, man.
Starting point is 00:35:36 It's like. But it was fun. Doing the shows was fun. Yeah. Being in the air conditioned places was fun. It was the kind of trip where I was like, you know when you go to a city that has like, oh, they've
Starting point is 00:35:49 got these restaurants or like these, you know, cool late-night places to eat, and you're just like, I just, I cannot walk between two buildings. It's too hot to go out. Yeah. So it will be Popeye's chicken and Panera bread for me. Did you eat at Popeye's? I did. Alright. Love that eat a Popeye's? I did. All right.
Starting point is 00:36:05 Love that chicken at Popeye's. I never had it before. Is it any good? It's fine. Yeah. You know what? Like the only, I guess I've had church's chicken too, but KFC is. That's the one for you.
Starting point is 00:36:18 Is the one that makes. No, no. KFC is the one that makes me the sickest. Oh, makes you the sickest. Oh, yeah. Like I used to get an annual craving for KFC, and I don't get it anymore because it just makes me so sick. I think it was one of the last things that I ate that had meat in it was the KFC. Was that it?
Starting point is 00:36:37 Yeah, I mean, it wasn't the thing that, it wasn't like it pushed me over the edge, but I remember very distinctly being like, well, that's the end of that. But it used to be good. No. I don't know if it's. Yes, it's changed. It's more. It's. I don't know if that's true because.
Starting point is 00:36:52 Well, no, maybe my. Like, because my parents, when we were a kid, my parents would have a few bites of it. Yeah. Have a couple pieces. I couldn't, for the life of me, have a couple pieces of KFC right now. It could be that it's worse. I feel like it is. I mean, everything.
Starting point is 00:37:08 Is worse. Over time. But like with Popeye's, the thing is, you just want the outside of it. You just want the skin. Just give me a box of skin. Well, why don't they just open up a restaurant that just sells skin? Just called skin. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:25 Skins. Do you. Yeah. Skins. Do you want spicy or just normal? Yeah, spicy. You can have all the different types of it. And Popeye's, it's like, I don't, I got the spicy and it was good. It wasn't too spicy. Okay. I also, Trich's is okay too.
Starting point is 00:37:41 But like, but once you eat the meat part of it you're just like it's just a matter of like how close to the bone do i need to get to be satisfied what can i do i can walk away from this knowing that the chicken led a good life and i don't think you can walk away knowing that but like i'm not wasting any uh like it didn't die in vain it it's it's it's veins are in you it's veins are in me. Yeah. Like, I don't want to leave a bunch of meat on the boat. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:17 But, you know, you could take the meat and then have a healthy restaurant where you just eat chicken, you know, chicken breast or whatever with no skin. But I will say, I didn't feel gross after Popeyes, which I sometimes do after fried chicken. Yeah. Especially if it's Kentucky fried chicken. But anyway, so yeah, Ottawa was fine. And Toronto was fine. And it was great. And it was a really great meeting, everyone.
Starting point is 00:38:38 Although last year we did the same venue and even a smaller venue in Toronto in the same complex. And there was like an hour long meet and greet afterwards, like a huge lineup of people who wanted to say hello. Yeah. And this year it was like, all right all right well thanks for coming guys bye well yeah well i figured everybody had already got that photo yeah you know uh and and it's like you know you get in your photo taken with uh with a kiss you know we look exactly the same year in year out we wear the same makeup it's true yeah uh anyway so so that was great. What I really wanted to talk about is the
Starting point is 00:39:06 other day I went to the dentist. Yes. For the first time in three years. Why?
Starting point is 00:39:13 Three years ago I left the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation and with it my dental insurance. Yeah. And I, my
Starting point is 00:39:20 wife and my children go to the dentist and I pay for that out of my own pocket and I just don't need the, you know what? You don't need my wife and my children go to the dentist. Did I pay for that out of my own pocket? And I just don't need the, uh, I just,
Starting point is 00:39:27 I, you know what? Last, I don't need teeth. I get it. I don't need teeth. Yeah. I hate going to the dentist.
Starting point is 00:39:34 Last time I went to the dentist, they found a cavity and they were like, we'll fill it. And you know, more power to them. They're, they, they're the ones who know how to do that that
Starting point is 00:39:46 would be great if they found a cavity and said well our hands are tied yeah we're gonna get refer you to an ophthalmologist and so i went to the dentist uh three years ago got this filled and anytime i've ever gotten a cavity it's never been because i was like oh i have i feel like i have a cavity it's i always take their word for it yeah me too like i've had toothaches and i've gone to the dentist and they've been like oh it looks fine yeah uh you know just uh probably sensitive teeth yeah like think you do that's i thought i had a mouthful of cavities and i went and he's like no i just have i sense it i grind and I, it's like, uh, if I don't wear a night guard on a given night, I feel like the next day I chomped through my face. Did he do an air? She was an x-ray.
Starting point is 00:40:36 Yeah. Okay. So they didn't do that. I'd be like, I don't believe. Oh yeah. No, they, they got to just feel around in there with their finger. So they, three years ago, they, they filled it. They, they detected it. Just feel around in there with their finger. So three years ago, they filled it. They detected it.
Starting point is 00:40:48 It was fine. They filled it. It was not fine. And for the past three years, I've just been like, it's fine. I just won't eat on that side of my face. What are you talking about? The real Oliver Twist. Oh, like I can eat on that side of my face if it's soft.
Starting point is 00:41:05 Yeah. Like a root canal? No. What's a root canal? What I had to get on this one. Well, they. Oh, really? They.
Starting point is 00:41:14 We'll talk about that. So, yeah, they filled it and they were like, bye. And I was like, okay, see you never. Let's hope I die before I need to deal with it. And it just bothered you for three years well it was just like that day it felt like
Starting point is 00:41:28 okay I'll just wait until this sort of sorts itself out yeah and then the next day and then the next 900 days
Starting point is 00:41:35 it was like well I guess I can't eat you know nuts or anything hard you know crusty bread
Starting point is 00:41:42 the filling part of a blizzard it's like you're just eating apples yeah saucer mostly recovering patient food yeah yeah uh on that side on the other side it's fine uh so i went in i reluctantly eventually went in like even like december i was like okay i gotta go and i was just i just got busy life got in the way and so i went a couple weeks ago and i said oh you know what's really been bothering me for the last 36 months is uh this this especially this one these these two teeth when i floss it's agony just between these two teeth.
Starting point is 00:42:25 It's where I got the filling. And I think they missed it. I think they did it all wrong. And so they looked, they took an x-ray, the dentist, the hygienist, everyone kind of guilted me into like, why did you let this sit for so long? And I had to say, because I hate you. I hate everything about dentistry. They have to know that though. Like no one loves going to the dentist no no but there's a reason why that people don't love going to the dentist it's because of the constant guilt right and it's it's so i've learned that
Starting point is 00:43:00 it's so genetic like some people don't need to take care of their teeth and they're fine. I do a reasonably good job. I floss every day. I do not. And I... A couple weeks prior to the dent. Yeah, they can tell. They can tell
Starting point is 00:43:15 if you just... What? What was it? Was it two cavities? No. They went and they looked and they took an x-ray and they're like it's fine i think it's just the uh i i think it's just the uh you know maybe the bite is a little misaligned now and so we'll you know we'll have you come back and we'll we'll just try to sort it out and i do have to go back back because the moment the woman started cleaning my teeth, she was like,
Starting point is 00:43:50 this is going to be a two visit one. Like 10 seconds in, she was like, do you smoke? She did not. Yes, she did. Oh my God. And I said,
Starting point is 00:44:03 why is that good? Why should I start? and she was like uh do you drink coffee and she was like i was like yes okay uh when is that i mean unless you're looking for a cigarette don't ever guess that somebody smokes ever i think it's think a dental hygienist Could ask that Sure I guess If I had said yes what would you have said Well you shouldn't
Starting point is 00:44:32 Oh okay Oh wow So I'm going back Hopefully they'll fix this bad boy up Why do you have to go back though A couple weeks Yeah but for what To finish the cleaning
Starting point is 00:44:46 and she's going to do some. She didn't finish cleaning? No, she said it was like this is a two visit job. Oh my God. I thought it was like you're going to have to come back because you got some cavities. Not like this is taking four hours to clean your teeth. She said it'll be another 45 minutes.
Starting point is 00:45:02 Holy shit. Wow. But it felt they felt really clean afterwards. Don't they? Yeah. It's the best. I'll just be like, mm. I can fit my tongue through a few of these teeth. And then so she, yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:13 So they'll do something with the filling and the bite and I don't know. Yeah. Like the fillings are so different than when I was a kid. Now they use some kind of amalgam and they shine a light on it when they're done shut up that's right do you have to put like the
Starting point is 00:45:27 whatever that big thing in there yeah you still do that and they dental dam you up dental dam and it's like they're on a construction site
Starting point is 00:45:34 in your mouth yeah that's what I hate even cleaning when it's like you're like you know what I love the smell of
Starting point is 00:45:41 my teeth burning burning that's what I had with this one. Oh. So what, you got a root canal in your front tooth? My front tooth.
Starting point is 00:45:49 What is a root canal? It's your tooth is dead. So it should have happened ages ago. It was when I was like 15, 16, when I used to smoke. My friend asked for a cigarette. I like put it out and then I took it away and she tripped me and I got like fell onto a curb. And the tooth was behind the other tooth and I braces I told the orthodontist that I was beat up by a gang of girls
Starting point is 00:46:09 I told my parents too I came home just cut up my face cut up my all cuts and my dad's like I was like what happened I drank like a two liter I was so drunk I'm like I just got jumped and my dad came down he's like we're calling the cops I drank like a two liter. I was so drunk. I'm like, I just got jumped. And my dad came down. He's like, we're calling the cops. I'm like, they know where we live. So they believed me. And they didn't. And they moved the tooth back.
Starting point is 00:46:33 They didn't. The orthodontist did. I told him the story. Dad, can you help me with this? He didn't believe me, the orthodontist. He moved it back. He's like, your tooth is going to die within this year. And it just did it like last year. I was like i thought he thought it would die right away okay
Starting point is 00:46:49 because it was right behind what an idiot and that tooth was a fighter it was tooth showed that by uh one root does the tooth when it dies change color i think so and it was bothering me so i was putting more like i brushed my teeth with sentinine, but I was bringing with me out a little thing of Sensodyne, like a little one. I'm like, I'll put it on my tooth. It's really bothering me. And I go to the dentist like every six months, and then I was like, my tooth's bothering me.
Starting point is 00:47:14 He's like, yeah, it's dead. And he just filed it down and numbed it, and I'm like, what? Like to nothing. I'm like, oh, oh. I'm like, am I leaving like this? Like, is this happening in one visit? One from two?
Starting point is 00:47:28 And that's all I know how to do. Again, cheer off, filmologist. Puts the fake one in, get it a week later. In the mail. I had to put it in, crazy glue it, got my
Starting point is 00:47:44 dad to hammer it in. crazy glue it, got my dad to hammer it in. And then it wasn't a color that matched the one that I had. I'm like, I hate it. And also the back of it was too thick. It bothered me. And he was like, don't eat apples with that. I'm like, what does that mean? Isn't it supposed to act like a fucking tooth?
Starting point is 00:48:02 So I had to be like, on the side like cut everything and like like a lady and and uh so last time i was there his daughter's taking over the practice and i'm like i don't like my tooth she's like yeah it's not a good match so i got it for free the new one nice but when they filed it down because it's like stuck in there the smell of that is just even though it's a fake tooth they're drilling i was like i don't like this at all yeah what's your favorite uh body part to have drilled at and smell the bone burning i like that uh you know they drill a hole in the top of your head yeah yeah um the uh yeah i've had one time I got a bunch of fillings done all at once. And then I went to the dentist like five years later and he was like, these are all terrible. Like, every single one's got to go.
Starting point is 00:48:55 I expect, that's what I expected. Because the woman who gave me my filling, I had never seen her at the dentist before. I expected them to be like. Just something came in. Oh, yeah. They did a terrible, whoever did this was really bad hey yeah when were you here you weren't here on june 9th because that was the day that lady came in did a bunch of dental procedures so all yours that you got done you had to get them redone yeah
Starting point is 00:49:16 and i have them all taken out i don't believe them i feel like no like that's a scam what that what was the scam That they put it in. It's supposed to last a lifetime, isn't it? Fillings? Yeah. No. Yeah. It's not supposed to be five years.
Starting point is 00:49:34 It's, like, expensive. No, but it was this, you know, like, ceramic. It's, like, some new ceramic. Anyways, it didn't take. Like, it was, like, they're all cracked. I feel like they did that on purpose. Yeah. But it wasn't the same dentist
Starting point is 00:49:46 It was two different dentists Right That knew each other You think they're They're working in I think one guy Gave you bad ceramics Yeah he gave me bad ceramics
Starting point is 00:49:54 You got it online Or something for sure Yeah And then the guy said We can just put in the old Trustworthy metal guys Yeah So yeah I got a bunch of metal guys
Starting point is 00:50:02 Yeah those Those will last you Yeah yeah yeah Mercury Yeah Do that Yeah yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mercury. Yeah. Do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:09 Yeah, my dentist said my mercury levels are dangerously low. I don't go to strip clubs, but every three years I let a dental hygienist put her
Starting point is 00:50:15 boobs on my head. That's basically it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I go every six months. So yeah, that's me. Tooth troubles, I think, is what the Archie comic would be called.
Starting point is 00:50:32 Well, what's going on with you? Well, as you well know, I'm traveling to the airport on Sunday. I lost my phone. Graham and I shared a cab on the way to the airport in Toronto. And, yeah. Yeah, got out of the cab and, like, within, you know, 20 seconds, I was like, ah, shit. And so I called it a bunch on my phone. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:58 To no avail. And then I called the phone company, and I said, like. You dialed zero. Yeah, I dialed zero. I said, put me in touch with phones. My phone, exactly. And that's what the guy said. The guy, he was like, you should do the find my phone app
Starting point is 00:51:17 and then see where it ended up and then just go get it. And I was like, no, I'm getting on a plane, so I got to cancel the phone. just go get it. And I was like, now I'm getting on a plane. So I got to cancel the phone. And then I was without phone because it was the Canada Day long weekend.
Starting point is 00:51:30 Oh, yeah. So I just went back. It was like 2000 and something. 2000. I got your message. I thought you were just like, Canada Day, there's no phones, James.
Starting point is 00:51:42 Phones have been canceled. We flew home on Canada Day. Yeah. But the next day was the holiday, but everything was still open. Bones, James. Bones have been canceled. We flew home on Canada Day. Yeah. But the next day was the holiday, but everything was still open. Not everything. Rogers near my house wasn't open. Go to the mall, dude. I did.
Starting point is 00:51:55 I ended up having to go to the mall. But in the meantime, no phone. Several bus trips, no phone. Several, you know. Oh, this isn't going to be a story about how you reconnected with. I reconnected with my son, Jeremy. Oh, boy. Yeah, who I've been neglecting because of my phone.
Starting point is 00:52:14 Every time I see him, I'm like, one more second. And now he wants to borrow the car from me. Ah. Yeah. Daddy, would you like your phone, sir? I don't really know the words man
Starting point is 00:52:27 did you not hear anything from the oh the phone has a cradle the cab the cab company no of course not
Starting point is 00:52:36 cab drivers are crooks that's the that's the end of as soon as I saw him drive off in the distance he was like ha ha ha who wants a phone?
Starting point is 00:52:46 On our way to the airport, I suggested to Graham. Oh, I gave him every possible way we could get to the airport. He said, no, let's take a cab. Yeah, I said it'll just like that. The most expensive way. And he was like, I want to stick my head out of the sunroof. And the cabbie let me. That's good.
Starting point is 00:53:06 But he said that I had to flash him my chest. Why don't you take an Uber? I was. Yeah. Or the train. Well, he could have taken the train. That's true. But I feel like if you lose your phone in an Uber, you have all the information about that driver.
Starting point is 00:53:20 Yeah. I mean, at least your friend does who booked the Uber. That's right. Not you. Yeah, not me uh yeah anyway so you know had no phone and it was fine it was i thought it would be harder to get guess so i ended up i talked on a pay phone to the phone company yeah how many phones do you own uh one okay because you because we uh you're this last phone you owned that you lost yeah was that a donation yeah yeah and this new phone was that a donation yeah graham when someone gets rid of their old phone graham's like i'll take it yeah i'm like rumple still skin i show up
Starting point is 00:53:56 i uh i turned your old phone which is now trash to you into. So is your new phone a newer model than your old phone? Yeah. It's a 5? It's a 5. What did you have before? A 4. No. Yeah. Soon I will have a 6.
Starting point is 00:54:12 It was like a tank, that thing. Yeah. It lasted so long. And now I'll never know. Now it's in the back of some cab somewhere, living its life. You know, it was time. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:23 You know, it's in a better place. Are you only iPhone? Huh? Are you only iPhone? I'm fine with whatever phone. I just happen to, iPhones seem to be
Starting point is 00:54:32 the thing. If you have an old phone, and you lose your old phone, but you have another old phone, what did this whole thing
Starting point is 00:54:40 end up costing you? It's like 25 something dollars. I've done it before. I wasn't asking you! I'm sorry! Yeah, it was like that. It was like 25 bucks or something to switch it
Starting point is 00:54:54 over. It was pretty... You could just go in and the guy... It's just all... I don't know. Magic. He types something on the computer. Well, do you know how it works? Nobody here knows how it works. We work for a tech company. Car do it?
Starting point is 00:55:08 Have you ever lost your phone before? Yeah. And the time that I had lost a phone before was in a cab, and I called it, and the cab driver had it, and he answered. And then he made me pay money to get it back. What are you talking about he was like well i gotta drive all the way back to the it was staying at a hotel and so he's like i gotta drive back to the hotel so you gotta pay me and i needed that phone it was a three
Starting point is 00:55:37 so that was the three that caught fire while i was asleep what are you talking about my my uh iphone it melted the the cord melted into the phone while i was asleep and like there was a big burn was it still the big big fat yeah connector yeah yeah yeah yeah and you've settled with apple yet or no yeah well i uh i i don't think i had a case you know it was a phone that somebody had and to me. There was no damage except for the phone and the connector. Yeah. And the house burned down. Yeah, but they would have, an inspector at that house would have been like, this was a, this was a Tinder pile.
Starting point is 00:56:15 Yeah. It was ready to go up any day. Um, what, because I feel like people don't lose their phones quite so much anymore. I might be wrong about this. People don't lose their phones quite so much anymore. I might be wrong about this. Maybe I just don't go on Facebook as much anymore, but I feel like there was an epidemic, like, I don't know, 2010, and for the next three years of people.
Starting point is 00:56:35 Stealing phones and stuff, right? Or just like people saying, I lost my phone. Can everybody give me your numbers again on, like, in this Facebook thread. I thought that was just people saying that because they were lonely. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I mean, sure. And it works.
Starting point is 00:56:48 Right. But like you just, you got to back up your phone. Yeah. Back that phone up. No. You don't ever? No. Jane, you're asking for it.
Starting point is 00:56:57 You're asking for trouble. But Jane's got a photographic memory. She knows their phone number. I know all the phone numbers. Oh, yeah, yeah. The Mary Lou Henner of the phone. Do you remember your own phone number? No. I don't know knows every phone number. the phone number. Oh, yeah, yeah. The Mary Lou Henner of the phone. Do you remember your own phone number?
Starting point is 00:57:06 No. I don't know Abby's phone number. And she's had it like for 15 years. But on your phone, it's just Abby or wife.
Starting point is 00:57:16 Yeah. I know the first three numbers of it. And so, like when I have to fill out a form of both of our numbers, I say,
Starting point is 00:57:23 babe, what's the last four numbers? Are you less for digits? Um, so two days phone free one day phone. Yeah. One day phone free. And,
Starting point is 00:57:34 uh, yeah. Aside from, you know, the only thing that I missed about having a phone, you know, we'll take pictures of stuff. I'd say,
Starting point is 00:57:41 I saw a bunch of stuff that I was like, Oh, that'd be a funny photo, but everything else, eh. Eh? Right? Yeah. What kind of phone is that? It's a Samsung. Don't roll your eyes at me.
Starting point is 00:57:56 I had an iPhone forever. It sucks with memory. I had too many apps. I love apps. What's your favorite app oh probably like shrimp yeah
Starting point is 00:58:08 popcorn shrimp popcorn shrimp yeah it just didn't have a good and you can add the memory in the Samsung you can?
Starting point is 00:58:18 yeah you can't do that on the fucking Apple phone you probably can you take it to some some guy yeah he probably is
Starting point is 00:58:25 Able to open it up And do something Johnny Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Yeah okay I get it No you can't
Starting point is 00:58:32 Do we want to move on To a little bit of business Baby we do Stop podcasting Yourself as supported In part by Away Makers of first class
Starting point is 00:58:43 Luggage at a Coach price Oh I see what they did there Yeah yeah yeah It's a It's a fun little Stop podcasting yourself and support it in part by away. Makers of first class luggage at a coach price. Oh, I see what they did there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a fun little play on words. Now, Dave. What? They sent me a piece of this luggage.
Starting point is 00:58:54 No, they didn't. They did. No, no, no, no, no, no. Dave. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in that email chain and they specifically said they would not send you one. But you know what I did?
Starting point is 00:59:04 I went back on that chain added one more link and uh they sent me this uh this piece of luggage first of all super cute it's like it's like a little tiny guy okay it goes in the overhead compartment uh you're like a real cute luggage guy yeah yeah yeah i like a cute piece of luggage uh you've seen me with my tiny backpacks. Uh-huh. Your tiny leather backpacks. Yeah, so small.
Starting point is 00:59:29 You've got a little set of valises. Like finger-full valises for your action figure. Yeah, yeah. You're a cute luggage guy. It cannot be denied. So this is what the suitcase comes with. It's got wheels uh-huh you roll it around on the on the top or the bottom on the bottom oh boy yeah out of everything it's got
Starting point is 00:59:52 uh it's got a usb charging okay battery no no this is not this is for sure no you're thinking of like uh like a house yeah you're thinking of like a like a laptop or no no no that you can plug your laptop into this thing and uh it's uh it's got like little kind of flaps little compartments within it that uh you put all manner of stuff in shirts ties toiletries your suitcase is a wonderland yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. It's real nice. And it's light. It's like a little croissant.
Starting point is 01:00:30 Light? Is it buttery? It's so buttery. Sounds so cute. Yeah. Well, Graham, did you know that Away uses high quality materials while offering a much lower price by cutting out the middleman and selling directly to you? To me?
Starting point is 01:00:44 Well, no, they gave you one. Yeah, that's true. But they'll sell directly to you, the listener, and the middleman's not getting any of this stuff. Oh, man, I hate that guy so much. And the way you get this thing, you get $20 off. So first of all, the middleman's not getting a cut. Away's losing $20 on this deal, and it's our special travel deal.
Starting point is 01:01:05 Yeah. What you do, you go to awaytravel.com slash spy and use code spy at checkout. We have to whisper. Yeah, because the middle man's listening. And do our crazy surfer voice. Dudes. Yeah, dudes. So be bodacious.
Starting point is 01:01:23 Go to awaytravel.com slash SPY. Hang ten. Beginning this summer, you can listen to new episodes of Inside Pop every other week for an even deeper dive inside the world of pop culture. Now we're still bringing you our brilliant insight, always on the nose opinions, and insidery inside information on the most interesting pop culture stories of the week. And we'll also have interviews with the pop culture professionals who create the culture you crave. For example, we'll speak to casting directors about how they find the right talent for the right role. We'll talk to music supervisors about how they choose the music to create the right mood. And we'll grill producers who'll discuss what exactly a producer does. Oh man, Sean,
Starting point is 01:02:06 how many times has someone said to you, oh, you're a producer, so what do you actually do? So many times. Same here. So make sure to catch Inside Pop every other Wednesday on Maximum Fun to indulge your pop culture obsessions. And to hear in-depth interviews from the movers and the shakers in TV, music, film, and more. Hi, I'm Paula Poundstone. And I'm Adam Felber. Adam, I haven't gotten one thing done today. Well, let me see your to-do list. Ah, yeah, well, here.
Starting point is 01:02:38 Make 30-second promo for Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone, so at least you're getting that done. Score! Except you haven't said what the show's about. We're like a comedy field guide to life starring me and you. I give useful advice and we have real experts to talk about things like
Starting point is 01:02:52 how to keep a friend or what to do when you encounter a bear. Bully for you, but you haven't said where people can find the show. Oh, maximumfun.org or wherever you find your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:03:08 Overheard. Overheard's a segment on the show where we hear things. And boy, oh boy, if you think we talk about them, you got that right. And we like to start with the guest, Jane. Yes. Sock it to us. Oh, good one. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:03:23 I thought today was World Cup. Like there was a game. So at work, there's like three 50 inch TVs. I was like, yeah, there's no soccer games today. At salad work. At salad work. And a list of hot topics on The View. So that wasn't anything.
Starting point is 01:03:38 Couldn't do that. Yeah. I was recording at home and it was the world champions of hot dog eating all right we're recording this on july 4th the 4th of july yeah was crying i was laughing so hard it they introed him of like do you drink black coffee or decaf when you become an adult it's just black coffee and they brought people the intro out like they were professional athletes. And they did, like, an interview. But they did the interview with the guy that's won, like, 11 times. Joey Chestnut?
Starting point is 01:04:12 Joey the Jaw Chestnut. And that's his nickname. The Jaw. And then they did an interview on a kid that they thought was going to beat it. Like, I like playing soccer. I thought it was like a. That's why you recorded it, because you thought it was the World Cup, because a kid likes soccer.
Starting point is 01:04:29 And he runs. This is where he gets tired at three minutes. This is about Joey, because you start getting tired. So that's why he runs. How much do you think he runs? Every day? A week. Oh, total?
Starting point is 01:04:42 Yeah. 25 minutes. 10 miles. 10 miles. That's... It helps him, because at three minutes, that's when you get really tired. 10 miles a week. Oh, a total? Yeah. 25 minutes. 10 miles. That's... Helps them because at three minutes, that's when you get really tired. And it's just like, they're about to puke. Like, they're like, more.
Starting point is 01:04:53 It's so disgusting, but I watched it. Do you know if you squeeze your thumb, you don't have a gag reflex? What? What? Yeah, if you squeeze your thumb in your... Your sister can't do it. I know she can't squeeze. So I feel bad for her husband.
Starting point is 01:05:08 Dave said he was going to stomach a full recovery. Well. She's fine. She'll be fine, right? She'll make a full recovery? Yes. No. Why?
Starting point is 01:05:18 What does that have to do with anything? I don't know, but stick your finger down your throat. Okay. Did you make that up? No. You did it for one second. Oh, yeah, it works. I'm going to be a porn star.
Starting point is 01:05:37 I need to cut my nails. So was that was that the that was my overseat overheard yeah do you think the world cup
Starting point is 01:05:51 how much like amateur soccer do you think it results in just like people who are like let's get a game
Starting point is 01:05:59 going guys too much I've seen a lot I've seen a lot because you're a soccer hardcore I used to be yeah blew out your knees I put up my cleats Too much. I think a lot. I've seen a lot. Because you're a soccer hardcore.
Starting point is 01:06:05 I used to be, yeah. I need to tell you, blew out your knees. I put up my cleats. You put them up? Yeah. Put them up. Yeah. When?
Starting point is 01:06:14 Because you were still coaching. In the beginning, yeah. I haven't played soccer in like eight plus years. I'm too out of shape. You run 10 miles a week. A week. Two for the hot dog games. 71 hot dogs in 10 minutes.
Starting point is 01:06:31 71. And he couldn't do it. He was at the end and he was just like, go, go away, go away. He won?
Starting point is 01:06:37 He won again? Yeah. Wow. What's his record? It's the record. He just broke it. 71. You just know that he
Starting point is 01:06:44 avoids going to the doctor because his doctor sees it on TV and is like. So do you, what is it you do for a living, Joe? Odds and ends. This and that. Yeah, yeah. I eat odds and ends. Yeah. I eat odds and ends.
Starting point is 01:07:02 Yeah. Now, there's a guy on TV I saw this past Independence Day matching your description. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because your nitrate level is incredibly high. And your body is mostly composed of wet bun. You also would never even have 71 hot dogs in a year. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:31 Unless I go to 35 barbecues. Yeah. Yeah. Dave, you have an overheard? Well, last year I got this wild hair up my ass. I went to 10 hockey games and I wanted to eat 10 feet of hot dogs. But then I discovered the nachos. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:54 How many feet of hot dogs did you end up eating? I mean, I had, how many? It was like 30 odd for the grunt. Yeah. The Ordinary Fear of God. Go on. The Bacon Brothers. Let's see. We're talking about the Boxmasters. Yeah. Yeah. The Ordinary Fear of God. Go on. The Bacon Brothers. Let's see.
Starting point is 01:08:08 We're talking about the Box Masters. Yeah. Yeah. I think I probably. Dog Star. Sure. Yeah. Probably at about four feet a dog.
Starting point is 01:08:14 Yeah. Like a Danny DeVito. Like a full DeVito. Yeah. What is he? He's four or something. He's got to be over four. I think he's like 4'10". How tall is Danny DeVito, Siri?
Starting point is 01:08:28 Four foot ten. or something. He's got to be over 4. I think he's like 4'10". How tall is Danny DeVito, Siri? 4'10". 4'10". I just saw that. Nice, really nice. He could be a gymnast. Yeah, I guess he could. Yeah. Not too late.
Starting point is 01:08:37 It is. I mean, he couldn't be a professional gymnast. No, but you know. Or a competitive, I mean. But he could be You know He could be those Like when they do
Starting point is 01:08:47 High school gymnastics Well yeah Those gymnasts Are like I mean A female gymnast You mean Yeah
Starting point is 01:08:54 I guess the male ones Aren't tall either No No Yeah you gotta be compact Get up on them rings Bart Conner Yeah
Starting point is 01:09:01 Mitch Gaylord Peter Vidmar Who's the guy that was in Gymkhana You know One of those three Yeah Yeah it has to be One of those three Bart Conner. Yeah. Mitch Gaylord. Peter Vidmar. Who's the guy that was in Jim Carter? One of those three. Yeah. Yeah, it has to be one of those three. Dave, overheard?
Starting point is 01:09:15 I guess so. I don't know if this is an overheard. This is something Marco said. I'll share it with you. Yeah. So she was like, I was uh she was you know what let's not do this she was she was uh she doesn't worry she only wears a diaper in bed and so i was putting her diaper on and she was trying to touch me with her butt. And I said, I don't want to touch your butt. It's a
Starting point is 01:09:46 private part. And she said, my butt is not a private part. It's a curse. And I asked her to explain what she meant. She said, my butt is on all the way to the mall. That just sounds like lyrics from some sort of Crazy hip hop song
Starting point is 01:10:06 That I wouldn't understand Yeah so I don't know What that means My butt is on All the way to the mall Yeah Sounds great Somebody remix that
Starting point is 01:10:12 Yeah Do it now My butt is a curse My butt is on All the way to the mall But this is one That's an overheard That children said
Starting point is 01:10:20 Yeah I was at a park With my children And I overheard A girl Talking to a boy and there were maybe eight. And she said, am I a chatterbox Malachi? No, you're a children of the corn.
Starting point is 01:10:36 Yeah. Like the rest of us. Right. Yeah. Malachi, children of the corn name? Yeah. Yeah. I just know what it is.
Starting point is 01:10:42 Like an old Testament. Yeah. I think it's the children of the corn name. Isn't it Malachi? It's the red head that name? Yeah. I just know what it is, like an Old Testament. Yeah, I think it's the Children of the Corn name. Isn't it Malachi? It's the redhead that like, ugh. Yeah. Murder. So scary.
Starting point is 01:10:51 So scary. Don't remember what was scary about the movie. They were out in the corn. They shouldn't have been. They killed you when you turned like 16 or something like that. Man. Oh, boy. Too bad.
Starting point is 01:11:03 That was such a. All I got was a Toyota Torsil. I didn't really. I'm one of these 16-year-old kids who gets a car for their birthday. Yeah. I was allowed to drive my parents' minivan. Ditto. Sundance.
Starting point is 01:11:16 Oh. I got to drive that. That's not bad. Yeah. It's no minivan, but it'll do. It's done. Yeah. I feel like the youngest kid, I was the youngest.
Starting point is 01:11:25 I got to drive better cars than my siblings did because they, my parents were post minivan when. Right. I was the only one left at home. You got some sporty Kia Sportage. I got all the Kias. Shut up. A Rio, a Sportage, a Sportage. I, yeah, just drove that minivan.
Starting point is 01:11:48 That was it. That's all I was allowed to drive. You could fit tons of people in it. Yeah, that's true. I never did, but I could have. That was sad. What's your overheard? Mine was, like, it was while i was hearing this woman talk uh she was coming out
Starting point is 01:12:08 of a shop with a with a boyfriend type and um was speaking in an english accent and i was literally thinking about like what a nice what a nice accent she has she's like well i guess i'm off and then she said she went to go unlock her bike, and she said, puke stains out here. I was like, oh, that's such a nice accent. It's so nice. Did we step over puke? Do you remember stepping over puke on the trip? Yes.
Starting point is 01:12:36 Where was that? That, oh, where was that? I feel like that was in Ottawa that we stepped over. Sure. Like a pile of puke. Oh, stop it. Please. It was following a hot dog
Starting point is 01:12:50 eating competition. That's gotta be that's what's happening backstage at these. The minute that they call it like you're done. I was like I got two lines across and I was thinking about like big Canada Day celebration with all the bands playing.
Starting point is 01:13:12 But you know, backstage, they're just eating so many hot dogs. I'll have another. It's free. But the second that they're like, you're the champion, it just must be like. How long do you have to hold it in for? One business day. No. They're all just like, blah.
Starting point is 01:13:31 Yeah. Blah. I, uh, yeah. I mean, I'm fascinated to know what it does to the human body, but. They're all going to die. You think? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:41 I mean, we're all going to die. We are. Yeah. But like, to win it 11 years in a row or whatever. Yeah. Like, he's all going to die. Yeah, I mean, we're all going to die. We all, yeah. But like to win it 11 years in a row or whatever. Yeah. Like he's not going to die. 100% he's going to. But he.
Starting point is 01:13:53 I don't even think he gets any money from it. But he's. Just like, I love hot dogs. He's a freak of nature. Yeah. Like the fact that he, if you were the kind of person who did this every year, 11 years would be enough to kill you. Like the fact that he's still alive is a testament to hot dogs,
Starting point is 01:14:13 hot dogs, how healthy they are. The hidden nutrients of hot dogs. Yeah. Eat 71 a day. Um, now we also have overheards sent to us from people all over. Hot dog eating kids, kids who climb on rocks. Tough kids, sissy kids, even because of a chicken pox.
Starting point is 01:14:30 That's right. And if you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. This first one comes from Louis in Northampton, UK. Home of the delightful accents. There it is. That's Dave barfing up 71 hot dogs. Bangers. No.
Starting point is 01:14:57 I was having lunch at a pub, and the three women sitting on the table next to mine, one of whom was heavily pregnant, were discussing the birthing process. One woman says, my sister's birth was really easy. He practically jumped out of her. No. Yeah, cool. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:16 I mean, you know, we should all be so lucky. Yeah, for like a week before the birth, he just had his elbow hanging out. Hey, how you doing out there? Working on his trucker tip. How you doing? Good
Starting point is 01:15:31 afternoon, missus. I reckon I do, I do. I don't like that face you made. This will come out after it happens, but I want to congratulate England on the World Cup win. Oh, yes. Congratulations.
Starting point is 01:15:50 Soccer's coming home is what they're saying over there. It's probably not. What? What? Who do you think is going to win it all? I don't know. Be one of those predictive octopus. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:01 France. France. Get out of here. No, it's England Yeah It's going Or Belgium Oh Belgium Oh yeah
Starting point is 01:16:11 The Battle of the Belge I'd love it if it was Belgium They never win anything Ever Tiny country Yeah Great Great waffles though
Starting point is 01:16:19 The best This next one comes from Christy K The other day I was at a grocery store And passed three people The best. This next one comes from Christy K. The other day I was at a grocery store and passed three people having what seemed like an intense conversation. As I went by, I heard one guy say very seriously, Yeah, I had a sergeant in the army who had to put his bird on antidepressants. I don't know. It's not, if it's a caged bird, sad life.
Starting point is 01:16:50 It's a sad life for a bird. If it's not caged, they clip the wings. So you can't like. Yeah, that's a sad life for a bird. It would suck. Yeah. Bird wants to fly. Right?
Starting point is 01:16:59 It's not a penguin. That's why I have a pet penguin. Oh yeah. Yes. Pet penguin. Pet peacock. What don't fly? Turkey. Oh, yeah. Yes. Pet penguin. Pet peacock. What don't fly? Turkey. Turkey.
Starting point is 01:17:07 Yeah. Yeah. Ostrich. Your bigger birds don't fly. Yeah. Big birds don't fly. Big birds. They don't fly.
Starting point is 01:17:21 Fly. I cannot get those notes. Well, you tried for it. Oh, my back. Oh, my pussy. Oh, my crack. What is the... What's the name of the singer of that? Is that Frankie Valli?
Starting point is 01:17:40 It might have been Frankie Valli. The Four Oceans. Oceans 11. Featuring Frankie Valley. The Four Oceans. Oceans 11. Featuring Frankie Valley. Frank Oceans. This last one comes from Ken from Cincinnati. Hi, Ken. Thanks for writing in.
Starting point is 01:17:53 It's spy at maximumfun.org. That is correct. I was walking down the aisle of my local grocery store when I heard a guy on his phone in the next aisle. Here's what I caught of his conversation. No, no, no, no. You're full of shit. Everyone pisses in the shower. I piss twice in the next aisle. Here's what I caught of his conversation. No, no, no, no. You're full of shit. Everyone pisses in the shower. I piss twice in the shower.
Starting point is 01:18:08 Once when I get in, and then once when I'm about to get out. Who does that? Come on. That's crazy. You guys pee in the shower though, right? No, sure. Of course.
Starting point is 01:18:20 All the time. Sometimes when the shower's not even on, I'll just open a slug. Do it. What about a pool no I did today I have a pool
Starting point is 01:18:28 why Jane I'm in the water in your apartment in your pool apartment your apartment pool oh cool but like
Starting point is 01:18:36 I peed in it but like you know your neighbors can hear this they can't hear me peeing
Starting point is 01:18:44 or can they You know, your neighbors can hear this. They can't hear me peeing. Or can they? That's something I do not do. I don't pee in things. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, like. I plan out my day accordingly. I do, but like, ugh, I'm in the water. I don't know why.
Starting point is 01:19:04 You're swishing around. It's like water. This feels right. Yeah, yeah. That's what's inside me. It's got to get out. I don't pee in the shower, but sometimes I do crap in the sink. Oh, boy.
Starting point is 01:19:19 Oh, brother. You've never peed in a pool? Not always. Like a kid. Yeah. But that was, you know. Okay. That was when I was a kid. always. Like a kid. Yeah. But that was, you know. Okay.
Starting point is 01:19:26 That was a little, when I was a kid. When I was a kid, Jane, not as an adult person. I have too much respect for what, you know,
Starting point is 01:19:34 for everybody else. There's a kid there. I was like, I don't have respect for that kid. No, yeah. The kid's already peed
Starting point is 01:19:41 in the pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I see a kid in a pool, I know what he's up to. Yeah, yeah. I mean, my children, well in the pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I see a kid in a pool, I know what he's up to. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:45 I mean, my children, well, the baby of them, wears a swim diaper. So do I. Oh, well, then that's fine. Which is just a joke. It's like a diaper that will just not fall apart in the water, I think. Exactly. It just won't inflate super big. Right.
Starting point is 01:20:02 It's just like basically like letting the pee go in the pool. It gets filled up with pool water the moment you get in the pool. I don't know the exact logic behind a swim diaper. No, me neither, but once they perfect it, I'll want one. Jane,
Starting point is 01:20:20 I'll buy you a gross. Is that 12 crates? Yeah, 12 crates. Yes, please. Yeah. In addition to overheard that are written in, we also accept your phone call. You want to call us. Our phone number is very easy to remember.
Starting point is 01:20:43 It starts with a one. One. Eight do you know it probably not you're already wrong yeah one eight six six no triple eight nope one eight hundred nope one nine hundred nope 900. Nope. 8? 8, 8. 4, 4, 1, 8, 4, 4, 5, 3, 9. Nope. 8, 4, 2, 6. Nope. Do you know it? No! 1, 8, 7,
Starting point is 01:21:20 Nope. Oh boy. 1-844-779-7631 or 1- Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hi Dave and Graham and possible guests.
Starting point is 01:21:38 This is John in Rochester, New York, calling in with an overseen. I was driving by a furniture store in town, and I laughed at its name, which is Johnny Boxspring. You know what they call me? Johnny Boxspring. Because I don't have a mattress?
Starting point is 01:22:01 Yeah, I'm just the bottom part that I guess is necessary, unless you have a bed that doesn't need one. Yeah, yeah. What is the, yeah. Like box spring, yeah, now that I think of it, what's that all about? I've only ever had a bed with a bed frame and a box spring and a mattress. Yeah. I've never had a bed that's like a proper bed with just a mattress.
Starting point is 01:22:20 I don't have a box spring. Yeah, you don't need one if you have the right kind of bed, right? Yeah, I have a. I have a bed frame that's like a nice box spring. Yeah. You don't need one if you have the right kind of bed, right? Yeah. I have a bed frame that's like a nice bed frame. Yeah. Yeah. Like race car. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Red. I bought it because when I was like shopping for a couch, I decided I didn't want a couch, so I just bought another bed and
Starting point is 01:22:37 it doesn't have a box spring. I just have two beds. No, you don't. I do. I didn't know this about you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why did you make this? So you is this in your living room? Yeah. Yeah. You just have two beds no you don't i do i didn't know this about you yeah yeah yeah why why did you make this so you you is this in your living room yeah yeah you just have a bed yeah you have a one bedroom apartment yeah you have a bed in your bedroom and then in your living room you have a bed a bed yeah and you watch tv do you have a blanket for it yeah yeah it's got it like a back and i like i just sit on it like i would sit on a couch. Do you have a fitted sheet on it?
Starting point is 01:23:06 Yeah, yeah. Like it's not just like. Yeah, I don't just. Look. Ketchup stains, I eat them in the bed. Yeah, do you have the same bed rules for it? Like no crackers? No, no.
Starting point is 01:23:16 Do you have crackers? Will you eat crackers in your regular bed? No, no, no. Oh. You fucking on it? Huh? No. There's not a bed in town I won't.
Starting point is 01:23:27 That's my rule. We'll get to the bottom of this. That's why they call me Johnny Boxford. There it is. Hi, this is Alex from Denton, Texas. Hello, Dave Cram and guests. I've gotten overheard
Starting point is 01:23:42 for you. I was working at my coffee shop and I had a customer Who wanted to order the big size Of a drink and said No, I want the big daddy size Because I'm a big daddy And I had to leave the floor
Starting point is 01:23:59 Because I couldn't laugh In front of his face So I made a big daddy Sizesized drink for our Big Daddy today. And I hope you guys all have a great day. Off I go. What do you think a Big Daddy wears? What kind of clothes? Oh, suspenders.
Starting point is 01:24:15 Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a tucked-in button-up shirt. Yeah. Suspenders. He's got a hanky hanging out of the back pocket. Sure.
Starting point is 01:24:27 His pants. He's got to dab his forehead a lot. Yes. And this was at a coffee shop. It wasn't like a Wendy's. That's what I was picturing too. Yeah. I know.
Starting point is 01:24:37 I want a big daddy size. We don't offer that at a coffee shop. We just have large or. Big mama's house collectible cups. Was it the in the hot dog eating contest he said that
Starting point is 01:24:56 after you're an adult you only drink black coffee? Was that right? Yes. What are your thoughts on that? It's so weird. Everything about it. When you're a kid, you drink decaf or black coffee. But when you become an adult, it's black coffee.
Starting point is 01:25:15 What? Yeah, when you were a kid, did you drink decaf? No, I wish I drank coffee. I was like bored out of my mind in high school. Science class was like, who needs this? Coffee does make things more interesting. Yeah, I drank coffee in high school. Do you not now?
Starting point is 01:25:38 Yeah, I will drink it. Did your dentist ever notice you smoke cigarettes? Oh, yeah. Ten seconds in? Yeah. dentist ever notice you smoke cigarettes? Oh, yeah. Ten seconds in? Yeah. Why am I not smoking cigarettes if my teeth already feel like they are? If you go to the doctor and they check out your chest and they also ask, then it's time to start smoking. Well, I called the doctor and the doctor said, no more monkeys jumping on the bed.
Starting point is 01:26:01 Why do they always say that when you call them? It's like the one prescription. Here's your final overheard. Hi, guys. This is Katie calling from New Jersey. I have kind of an overheard that was told to me by my fiance. His boss's young daughter is going through a phase right now where she describes things instead of saying the actual thing.
Starting point is 01:26:25 So she'll say, I want to play with something that is round and red. So as they were leaving the park the other day, they had to pull her away as she was yelling, I want to do something fun with my bum. I want to do something fun with my bum. Because she wanted to go down the slide. Well, off I go. My bum goes all the way to the mall? Oh yeah yeah something like that um is the slide fun yeah yeah yeah still fun slide is fun slide's fun i mean not not as an adult but like it's still fun for kids yeah if it was like a big slide yeah big slide a water
Starting point is 01:27:05 slide is fun oh yeah but then i mean no i've been on one as a grown-up and like i'm talking about a 19 year old and it was not it was like i got that it was fun but it was like my body is too big for this it's bouncing me around yeah yeah but Yeah. But like slide, I just think, I think of hot, hot slide, you know? Oh yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:29 Although a few years ago when we went to Great Wolf Lodge, I knew you were, that one slide was so fun, but it was the kind you are on in a, you're on an inner tube. Oh yeah. Inner tube slide. Did it go fast or was it like a river going down?
Starting point is 01:27:46 Oh, boy. It was like, it was back and forth, mostly. And you bumped it? It went up and down. Yeah. Abby and I went on it so much. And we went with all our nieces and nephews and they were too small. We were the only people in the whole family who had fun on water slides that weekend.
Starting point is 01:28:05 Oh, boy. Oh, that's fun. That's a fun on water slides that weekend. Oh, boy. Oh, that's fun. That's a fun way to spend a weekend. Right? Yeah. Has the one here opened yet? There's one coming here? I thought they were building a great wolf lodge in Surrey.
Starting point is 01:28:17 Oh, man. I will move there. I'm going to spend all my free money. Yeah. Take it, great wolf lodge. I want to go down the fun money. Yeah. Take it, Great Wolf Lodge. I want to go down the fun slide. I want to see a wolf. I want to see.
Starting point is 01:28:30 When I was there last. Last. The only time I went. When I was there last. I have the frequent Great Wolf card. They had in the hotel portion some kind of like Harry Potter ripoff game. Oh, yes, because you talked about this like right after you did it. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:28:51 It was like a wizard. It's like some wizard quest that you. Oh, the kids love it. Sure. And the whole thing is a humid warehouse of piss and chlorine. Piss and vinegar. That is what it smells like. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:09 Like, would you go right now if you were in Edmonton of like, oh, I want to go to West Edmonton Mall and I'm going to go on all the slides there. Would I go on all the slides at West Edmonton Mall? Yeah. Why not? I'm an adult. I could do whatever I want. When was the last time you went though? Oh, when I was a tomorrow? Yeah. Why not? I'm an adult. I can do whatever I want. When was the last time you went, though?
Starting point is 01:29:26 Oh, when I was a kid. Yeah. Because the slides aren't so fun when you wear a t-shirt. Jane. Yeah. This is the end of the episode. This is the end of the line for you. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:42 Get off. What is coming up? I mean, you're going to be of the line for you. Yeah. Get off. What is coming up? I mean, you're going to be on Supernatural next season. Yeah. For sure. Playing the role of Demon Jane. Demon. I have my album coming out.
Starting point is 01:29:55 Yeah. In the next month. In the next month. I would say, yes. What's it called? Have you named it? Date Night. Date Night.
Starting point is 01:30:01 It's a picture of me and Hoffman, my other dog. Yeah. Almost just facing each other. I was me and Hoffman, my other dog. Yeah. Almost just facing each other. I was going to say kissing, but it's not. And it's you, it's called date night because you put dates in a Northern African salad. Yep. Raisins, dates. That's a real sweet salad.
Starting point is 01:30:19 Carrots. What are you feeling? Dry cranberries. I don't like them, but I put them in that salad. Do you like them? I put them in that salad Do you like them I think they're fine I think But calling them craisins
Starting point is 01:30:29 Makes them seem crazier Than they are Yeah And more fun Yeah And by proxy more fun They're kind of fun Come on
Starting point is 01:30:36 If you were a child And Halloween You got them Would you think they were fun No But I wouldn't want Any salad ingredient I got sunflowers.
Starting point is 01:30:45 Maybe croutons. Yeah. Croutons would be good. That's a good rule of thumb. No salad ingredients on Halloween. Yeah. Yeah. So your album's going to come out.
Starting point is 01:30:55 It's going to be everywhere. You're going to be able to get it on iTunes. Everywhere. I'm going to sell it on the streets. I'm going to be doing it. Oh, yeah. Like a mistake. Our listeners are on the internet.
Starting point is 01:31:02 Will it be on the internet? It will be, but I want to sell it on the street more. Yeah, well, you can do whatever you want. Thank you. Thank you very much for being our guest. Thanks for having me. So, I don't think, when are we going to announce these shows? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:31:19 We have to wait for the people that are selling the tickets to announce them? I guess so, yeah. But they don't tell us when they're going to do it. But we for sure... Here's where we're going to go. We're not going to tell you the dates or the places because we don't have that information. We don't. First, we're going to go back to Toronto, JFL 42.
Starting point is 01:31:35 That's right. Then we're going to go to Winnipeg. Yeah. That's also in late September. Yeah. Then early October. No, wait. Late September, Vancouver.
Starting point is 01:31:44 Right. Early October, October 5th, Edmonton. I think maybe October 4th, Calgary. Sometime in October. And then also Saskatoon on that trip. Yeah, yeah. And it's all being, all the details. You got people that are lawyers that are hard at work.
Starting point is 01:32:00 Yeah. As soon as we can announce the tickets, they will be, we'll post them at our Twitter account, at Stop Podcasting. Yeah. And right now, you can buy tickets to Edmonton. That's a thing. Yeah. The Up and Downtown Festival.
Starting point is 01:32:18 And that's it. And I'll be in Winnipeg at the Winnipeg Fringe Festival at a show venue called Wee Johnnies. And you can buy tickets online at thewinnipegfringe.com. And you know what? It's been a lot of fun. We've learned a lot here tonight.
Starting point is 01:32:37 If you like the show, please tell your friends. Come on back next week for another episode. Stop podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.

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