Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 539 - Jane Stanton
Episode Date: July 16, 2018Comedian Jane Stanton returns to talk dogs swallowing coins, tooth troubles, and losing your phone....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 539 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's made a, what is it called?
A Paloma?
Yeah.
He's drinking a nice, cold, frosty evening Paloma.
Mr. Dave Shumka.
Hi.
It's just grapefruit soda tequila.
Yeah. But it sounds like a Pal a paloma sounds like what what fun
yeah yeah yeah like if you had a bar you would probably put a zest yeah oh yeah i would be like
and it would be you know dave's fave paloma special tuesday night what are dave's faves
what's the name of this bar dave's. Dave's. Okay. Big Wave Dave's?
Yeah, Big Wave Dave's.
Because it's by the beach.
And it's got a surfing theme and some weird spy music, too.
I always think it's weird that James Bond music is surf guitar.
Yeah.
And just because when the first movie came out, that's the kind of music that was popular?
That's true.
So, like, if in 50 years, whatever, I can't think of, A, a popular movie, and B, a popular movie.
Hunger Games and hip-hop.
Yeah.
Yeah, or if, like, the Hunger Games became, like, a long thing and it was just, like, Florence and the Machinehop. Yeah. Or if The Hunger Games became a long thing
and it was just like
Florence and the Machine
or whatever forever.
That's my motto.
Florence and the Machine
forever.
Florence and the Machine
or whatever forever.
Our guest today,
returning guest to the podcast,
one of our faves,
very funny comedian,
has a comedy album
coming out sometime this year.
Yeah.
But won't commit to a date.
No.
It's Jane Stanton.
Hello.
Hello.
How are you?
I'm great.
Thank you for coming to the podcast.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks for coming back every year.
Once a year.
Yeah.
On my anniversary.
When's your birthday?
June 30th.
Did you go hard?
A little bit.
I went up to Whistler.
I'm not that person.
Oh, I saw photos.
I was wondering where they're at.
Yeah.
Let's get to know us.
Carol's just like,
ah.
Get to know us.
What is, so what kind of person goes to Whistler?
Australians.
Australians.
A lot of chicks, they're like, we're going to get crazy.
Like they went up in a party bus kind of thing?
Oh yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
And just dress like, I want to fuck, but let's not fuck.
Let's pretend to fuck.
Have you been in stagettes?
I mean, you've had your own.
You've been married four times.
Five.
You used to play in a band, Jane.
Oh, I forgot about Trent.
Why?
So you've been in many stagettes?
Yeah.
What goes on?
Stagette, if you're not,
if you don't use the term bachelorette party, that's what we're talking about. Yeah. How, what goes on? Stagette, if you're not, if you don't use the term
bachelorette party,
that's what we're talking about.
Yeah.
Or a hen party.
Hen party.
They're just,
everyone gets super drunk,
let's get the bride
super drunk
that they're puking,
someone's holding their hair.
I know,
and somebody collects
the puke in little vials
to give out as gifts.
Or you throw it
after they get married.
Right. Throw it. Yeah, yeah it after they get married. Right.
Throw it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, not rice.
Something old,
something new,
something borrowed,
something vile.
Yes.
But like,
I know that goes on broadly,
but what like,
what specifically
have you seen in a stag?
Yeah, what did you see
up in Whistler?
Whistler?
Or in one of your own?
One of my own,
the stripper
was a guy I went to high school with.
It was at my friend's house.
And I'm like, why is he here?
What's going on?
And then it was like cutoffs that were like, it was like a piece of jean.
Like it was like, they were tattered.
And it was like the pockets beyond hanging out.
Like they were like, it was just pockets.
And then.
That was his stripper
nickname was pockets and then he kept coming up and doing like the the jazz box to like everyone
and then he saw me and did like a circle and what's the yeah what's the jazz box like left
step right step left under or over i don't know oh. Oh, sure. Okay. And then back.
And like, would you spin? I would need, I'd need to have footprints with numbers on the ground.
You just spray paint it.
Yeah.
And we're ready to go.
Sexy stencil.
And then he had his like baby arm hanging out.
Oh, it was just hanging out next to the pockets?
Yeah.
Just pockets.
Inappropriates.
And then afterwards i was like
hey you grew up in north and he's like no no he's like well where'd you go to school and i said he's
like no it wasn't me then i was like no it was you here i'll go get my yearbook from upstairs
i have it in my knapsack he's making a ton of money i tipped him a loonie so who knows yeah yeah yeah
when was this
how long ago
I want to say like
probably five years ago
wow
you don't see like
old strippers
like do you
maybe you don't
I mean
I wish I did
do you think
you don't know
if he's still doing it
he could be retired
can we
yeah he was saving up
always a stripper like magic like he was saving up. Always a stripper like Magic Mikey was saving up.
I just want to watch my baby arm grow old.
Turn into an adult arm.
Watch it grow up in the twilight of my years.
Yeah, the pitter patter of my crazy appendage.
So was he a good dancer?
He was good, I guess.
Who's the best stripper dancer you've ever seen?
None.
I don't like.
I don't like.
It's just uncomfortable.
You don't go crazy like everybody else?
It's not just in the movies, Dave.
And then the guy will pretend to have sex with the floor, and ladies will be losing their minds.
Like, they're there.
Oh, yeah.
Are you watching?
And it'll be like Bon Jovi, for sure.
And they're like, there's a blanket.
They're picturing him having sex with Bon Jovi.
Yeah, that's what they're doing.
A bed of roses.
Always that song.
It's always, they like to do, they like to hump the floor.
I just have to go to the washroom.
Do a ballad
it's weird
it's super weird
but like
was this at
somebody
at a bar
or at somebody's house
or
what one
pockets
yeah
or any of them
that was
like
because there aren't too many
male strip clubs
no
that I know of
that we know of yeah That we know of.
Yeah, sure.
There's a lot underground.
Yeah.
It would be funny if you went out just to have drinks with friends and you're like,
yeah, I mean, the decor is kind of a lot of, you know, greased up men, but I don't
say that.
And then all of a sudden, welcome to the stage, Papa Smurf.
That's what they do.
They do weird stuff like that.
The guys will dress up and then they'll be like, I'm not. That's what they do. They do weird stuff like that. The guys will dress up
and then they'll be like,
I'm not Santa Claus
and they come out.
These females will be like,
I was going to say
like sexy,
an outfit
and then they take it off
but guys will be dressed
What do you think
women come out
dressed as
at a strip club?
I know what they do.
I've been there.
Yeah,
I think they do
just like,
isn't it all like the same stripping
but like now I was a nurse
and then this next one is a police officer
or whatever
we're mostly civil servants
a bureaucrat
yeah
I work for the city
doing landscaping in the summer
there was one that a guy was a dinosaur,
like came out as a dinosaur egg.
He was a dinosaur.
He came out of a dinosaur egg?
Yeah.
I was laughing so hard.
Was it a one-time use egg or did they have a reusable stage egg?
It was reusable.
And people were going crazy and I was laughing.
I was crying.
I was laughing so hard because I was like,
this is ridiculous.
Was he able to open a door handle with his wiener yes nature finds a way it was
could be called jurassic mark his name was mark sure
dick lodocus
um pterodactyl pterodactyl yeah
stagosaurus
yeah
tyrannosaurus
sex
um
you've been to a
to a lady
a lady
triceratops
like where ladies
strip
yeah
where ladies
go to strip
uh
yeah it's
I haven't been in years.
I don't know.
Ditto.
How did you end up in one?
I was too adamant.
I did not believe that at all.
I don't know.
Probably with guys that were like, we're going for the nachos.
And I was like, yeah.
Yeah.
Chose before hose.
Strip club nachos.
Wow.
I mean, it's probably among the safer bets.
Yeah.
The more kind of sterile.
Yeah.
Bring me the chili con carne.
Yeah.
Cocktail shrimp.
Give me the chowder.
Clam or?
Corn.
Both. You know what makes it a chowder? Clam or corn. Both.
Do you know what makes it a chowder?
Did someone tell us?
Potato content.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now you know.
Flower.
Whatever.
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
These are the things you learn as you get older.
You do.
How's your, do you have a menagerie of animals now?
No, I have two.
Okay.
Lulu, the one that I should kill,
she ate a-
Fuck, marry, kill.
All of them.
How old is Lulu now?
I don't know.
I've had her since 2011.
Okay.
I have insurance
she just ate a loonie
like a couple months ago. Out of all strippers' 2011. Okay. I have insurance she just ate a loonie like a couple months ago.
Out of a stripper's penis.
Yeah.
Out of a stripper's
baby hand.
Yeah.
It was some of my tits.
They fell out
and
I didn't know
what was wrong with her.
She was puking, puking.
I took her to the vet.
They gave her a shot
then she was still puking
like an ante-nose.
Yeah.
And then they're like let's do an x-ray her to the vet. They gave her a shot. Then she was still puking like an ante-nose. Yeah.
And then they're like, let's do an x-ray.
They did it.
The loony was stuck.
Oh, boy.
And then they took it out.
Then she couldn't breathe.
I don't know.
So they put the loony back in.
And then she couldn't breathe.
She was allergic to being put under.
Oh, okay. And then she had to go to Cam West, which is really, really expensive.
But worth it. But worth it.
But worth it, because she's still here.
Yeah.
Is that a regular occurrence, eating things she shouldn't?
Yeah, that's always.
But that was at my parents' house.
My sister, in November, I'm trying not to laugh.
Anyways, a tree fell on my sister.
So she's at my sister's place, literally.
I like that you're like, well, I'm trying not to laugh.
It sounds like it's a joke.
Was it a big tree?
Yeah, like 60 foot part of a tree.
Did it fall all the way on her?
Yeah.
Like pounding her into the ground like Elmer Fudd?
Yes.
Like broke her leg, broke her ankle, broke.
Oh, yikes.
Ribs.
Has no right arm still, but.
Has no right arm still?
Like it's there, but like it's.
Can't.
Can't.
Can't.
Can't squish stuff.
Yeah.
Wow.
So she had like, she has dogs and she had like dogs.
She had dogs.
She can do other things.
She just can't squish anything.
Yeah. I was doing the can't squish anything. Yeah.
I was doing the hand motion of like,
which was like from Porky's like,
that's what I was like squished up.
It's very hard for like,
and her job was she worked at Play-Doh.
Yeah.
That'd be the worst.
Just every day,
just checks in,
puts two hands in a vat.
Still squishy.
So there was, she had change in a bag that had dog treats.
And I was at my parents and my dog just was like.
Oh, okay.
So that wouldn't be like a normal thing that happened.
Right.
Yeah.
It was just that it was like a trap.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was like $5,000.
Whoa. Yeah. He swallowed $5, was like $5,000. Whoa.
Yeah.
He swallowed $5,000?
$5,000 loonies.
What's the strangest thing my dog ever swallowed, you wonder?
Yes.
I want to know.
Two batteries.
And he was up all night.
He had so much energy.
Did he really swallow any batteries?
I thought you were going to say, was he really
energetic? No, a bunch of cocaine.
That makes sense.
Left him alone in a room with cocaine.
And I said, if you don't
touch this cocaine, there will be more
cocaine for you later.
And he just didn't. Yeah, I made a little,
I had two dogs at the time.
And we did like one of those prisoner,
what do they call it?
A blind prisoner test?
Double blind test?
Yeah.
What?
We don't know.
The prisoner's dilemma.
Oh, right.
And I was like, we don't know which one of you stole the cocaine.
Anybody stole it?
Anyway.
But if you fess up, but if neither of you fess up, you go free and you get all the cocaine. They stole it. Anyway. But if you fess up,
but if neither of you fess up,
you go free
and you get all the cocaine.
Yeah.
Or something.
As is our law system.
If we can't get you
both to fess up,
then you get the thing
that you stole?
Is that how it goes?
Is cocaine going to be
legal soon?
I hope so.
I hope so too.
Yeah.
I think it would be cool
if just like the whole country had a big heart attack.
Or just felt like you were having one all.
I wouldn't know.
No.
I've never, I don't think I've ever been offered cocaine.
Yeah, me either.
Yeah.
I've been offered some horse, you know, some special K.
Yeah.
I've been offered some horse, you know, some special K.
I've been offered a special K bar by a lady at Costco.
Did you take it?
No, I'm a man.
Yeah, good for you.
It's women's cereal.
Special K?
Yeah.
Oh, geez.
What about a bar that has, you know. Vector.
That's a Vector.
Oh, yeah, Vector's a man that has you know vector that's vectors for guys
yeah yeah yeah
and uh
cause it's got lots of
wheat in it
hemoglobin
uh
no
vectors of man's bar
cause it's got like
uh
it's in the picture
it's two
yeah
always
it's this guy
climbing a mountain
yeah
or racing
yeah
it's got Oakley
sunglasses on it.
Free in every box?
Yeah.
What, so your dog, your other dog is okay?
Yeah.
Okay.
Good.
Fine.
Yeah.
Hasn't swallowed anything?
No.
Except food.
Food, yeah.
Yeah.
Our dog, my grandpa, my grandpa dog, he is 14 years old.
Oh, my God.
And we had linguine for dinner tonight.
We had some linguine.
Yeah.
And after we eat, like, a long noodle like that, I like to hold it up, and he'll get on his back legs and eat it.
Aw.
And, like, reach for it.
Getting to the point where it's not worth it for him.
Yeah, even though it's delicious, delicious noodle. He can't do it. He's getting to the point where it's not worth it for him. Yeah, even though it's delicious
delicious noodle. He can't do it. Well, he can do
it, but he's not going to do like a bunch
of like, you know,
sachets with it. He's 14.
I know. Yeah.
He's old. Yeah, he's
an old man. Yeah.
You don't know how old your dogs are, right?
No. So you could
have a couple of 14-year-olds for all you know.
I could, yeah.
Weird.
Or 20-year-olds, who knows?
Yeah.
Weird.
So weird.
I think you don't have 20-year-olds.
I could.
I'm telling you, you don't have 20-year-olds.
You don't know, Dave.
If they keep getting a lot of change.
It's going to be soon.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Her time is soon.
You think? i don't
know she likes living on the edge that's why i feel like two episodes ago with lachlan we talked
about like five dog deaths do we we're doing it uh so what else is going on uh i had an audition
today okay for a show that i was banned i for four years to audition.
They're like, listen, the four-year ban has been lifted. It's been lifted.
I thought it was a lifetime ban.
It was for Supernatural.
Why did you get banned from...
I'll tell you.
I had an eight-page audition
four years ago, and
I was never seeing the show.
And... Why should you? maybe for that edition you should and I was supposed to be tied up and I was like no no like committed and then they I don't know
I can't remember if they injected me and then I became a demon so I thought like Buffy the
vampire satyr like I was like leave me alone like for like a minute it was director
producer session
like gave it
crying at the end
and they're like
have you seen the show before
and I was like
no
they're like
it's not like Buffy
and I had watched
a couple Buffy's
to like get ready
and they're like
yeah demon
like they don't change voices
when you become a demon.
Wow.
And I was like, okay.
Yeah, they just change hairdos on our show.
Get up with the wiggle.
Does Teen Wolf have a regular voice?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just Michael J. Fox's voice.
Yeah.
Yeah, but he makes some monster-y sounds while he's transforming.
Yeah.
Yon-Ga-Goo-Gah.
Wow.
So why did they actually say you were banned?
No, I just have it in four.
The show's been on for 14 years.
I remember it was on when we got our dog.
So I watched the pilot when we got our dog.
And they're just like, we've had every actor in town on this show we never expected it to work to go this long wow so what do we name the stars
of uh supernatural floyd uh-huh floyd mcmaster he's uh he's not the star he's the third lead
yeah that's two guys yeah
right
from I feel like
like soaps or something
they were from
one of them
one of them was a
Gilmore girl
really
no
I think so
no
do you know
where they're from
did you ever watch the show
in between the time that you're
did I before today
so how did your audition
go today
it was good
it was just normal
but in the end
I really wanted to be like
thank you
was it the same
casting agent
yeah
I wanted to do
so badly
but I didn't
meow
meow
I'm a cat woman.
Were you also somebody that was turning into a demon?
No.
That's what happened in every episode.
It was just someone that was a fan of religion and God.
A fan of God.
A fan of GMD.
But if I had done that and just changed,
it would have been,
I thought,
hilarious.
Has it really been on 14 years?
Did you look that up?
No,
because my audition said 14.
Season 14.
Good God.
I'm a big fan of Good God.
But I can't believe
I haven't seen
anything more than
like an ad for it.
Ad, that's it.
But I'm the same with Grey's Anatomy.
It's been on for how many years now?
It's about the same.
Yeah.
No, it's not done.
I thought it was done.
No.
Still on.
Still on.
And I've never seen an episode.
I saw a clip of an episode.
Don't.
Where she, one of the ladies sleeps with a ghost.
Shut up.
She does.
It's like you're talking about passions right now. No, there was an episode. Rest in peace. Was it Kesha? One of the ladies sleeps with a ghost. Shut up. She does.
It's like you're talking about passions right now.
No, there was an episode.
Rest in peace.
Was it Kesha?
Was it the episode Kesha was on?
I don't know.
Was Kesha a guest star?
No, but Kesha slept with a ghost. Did you see the episode where she sleeps with McDreamy?
No, no, no.
As a ghost?
I'm just making stuff up.
That would be good.
For sure there was an episode
where she slept with a ghost of her dead husband make dreamy he died and and then i was like oh
this show could go on forever because it's got to be infinite plot you can yeah if the ghosts are in
play yeah yeah if you're allowed to have sex with a ghost stri but I want to. Oh, that's a good idea.
Like a guy comes out in a sheet with a little hole in it.
Pockets hanging out.
Yeah, it was season 14.
They just rapped.
Wow.
Yeah, so there you go.
I mean, they rapped.
Like, it was the rap season.
Hello, my name is Dr. Gray, and I'm here to say that rapping is cool and surgery is cool.
Everybody here is cool.
That's 14 seasons as well?
Yeah.
I got in on that.
My friend kept telling me, like, season three, you got to watch it.
So then I, like, marathoned it.
Meredith.
Yes.
For four seasons.
And I was like, this is stupid.
And I just, like, I don't know why I was even watching it.
There was an episode where a woman had sex with a ghost.
So how can that be the same show?
How can that be a stupid show is what I'm saying.
I didn't give it time.
Yeah.
I didn't give it time.
Give it time.
Yeah, give it.
I say go back and then come all the way through to season 14.
And then maybe your next audition will go a little better.
Supernatural?
That's right. That's right.
That's right.
I think it will too.
I got a little lost there in the middle.
You're like four grand.
You know what?
I'm very nice.
And I think I deserve a little bit of respect.
Dave, what are you talking about again?
I'm very nice.
Yeah.
I'm nice.
And furthermore.
Yeah.
Five nights.
And furthermore.
Have you been auditioning a lot?
Or is it?
I don't know.
I don't know what time of year is busy.
It's busy right now, but I wasn't for like a year because I have a job at a tech company making people lunch. Like a giant salad bar.
You make giant salads for people at a tech company like a big giant
salad bar huh yeah and you're in charge of the salad bar well i eat it at the same time but yeah
one for you one for me five for me none for you um what are the popular salads these days amongst
techies yeah pasta salad i did it today. Oh, sure.
I don't even count that.
I did a tortellini salad.
I cooked it.
I added peas, pesto,
made a Italian dressing,
boccaccini.
Wow.
Sun-dried tomatoes.
You make your dressings?
You make your own dressings?
I do goddess.
And you're allowed to.
I do goddess.
That is too much.
I make a goddess dressing.
What is a goddess dressing?
Yeah, what is that apple cider vinegar
bragg soy sauce tahini uh nutritional yeast sunflower oil oh powder it's really really good
oh it's like the uh glory bowl yes which i didn't didn't want to say because it sounds dirty it does
sound dirty i make it for the glory pool so So then you make up, you decide what salads they're going to have.
You're like the salad queen of tech.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
I saw you on the cover of Fast Company.
The salad queen of tech.
The salad queen of tech is dead.
And your shit just killed me.
Shit.
Oh, shit.
Well, that's crazy.
That's a lot of responsibility.
Also, I can only name three salads.
Oh, boy. Caesar. Four bean salad. Three bean salad. Oh, that's crazy. That's a lot of responsibility. Also, I can only name three salads. Oh, boy.
Caesar.
Four-bean salad.
Three-bean salad.
Oh, Dave.
Oh, man.
Bocconcini salad.
Tomato bocconcini salad.
Caesar.
Oh, yeah.
Caprese?
Is that?
Yeah, that's what that is.
That's what that is.
Yeah.
And then Cobb.
Yeah.
Good one.
Oh, what's the one that's left?
But I have the ingredients.
Is this Cobb have tuna in it? No, that's the one that's left? But I have the ingredients. Does this cob have tuna in it?
No, that's the N1.
Oh, Jane, don't say the N1 on that show.
Oh, don't say it, Graeme.
No.
Nisouas.
Nisouas.
Yeah.
I do like a Moroccan salad with quinoa and whatnot, dates, raisins.
Nice.
Spices.
I'll eat only raisins in a salad
I won't even eat
Raisins in a cookie
Yeah
I will
Because it's a cookie
But
Same way that your dog
Ate change
I'd eat change
In a cookie
If the cookie's
The delivery system
Then
Is that your
I don't know a lot
About you Graham
Is that your
Your
A little bit of
Your guilty pleasure?
Yeah, I like cookies.
Do you?
Yeah.
What's yours?
Your go-to?
Food.
Pizza, Chinese food, anything.
Anything?
But what's the top of that pyramid?
What's the top of the guilty food pyramid?
Pizza would be up there for sure.
Yeah.
Because I can't have it.
Oh, because.
Celiac.
Yeah.
But isn't there places in town that now have all gluten free?
Yeah.
What's the best?
The place on Broadway for right across from the Earl's.
Not going to give them a shout out.
Just a location.
I don't know the name of the pizza slice or something.
It's a. It's a. They do a really good. Pizza location. I don't know the name of the pizza slice or something.
It's a... It's a...
They do a really good...
You think it's called the pizza slice?
I don't know.
I doubt that.
Damn it.
Anyways, they do normal pizza and they do gluten-free and it's really good.
I don't think I've had good gluten-free pizza yet.
It's the only...
Good gluten-free?
Yeah.
You've had some gluten-free.
I've had some gluten-free.
Because it usually sucks.
Yeah.
Why though?
It's 2018. Yeah. Surely, though? It's 2018.
Yeah.
Surely they figured out the right blend.
What's a good crust?
Cauliflower?
Is that the go-to?
No.
Rice flour?
No.
Tapioca flour?
A mix of everything.
A mix of all flours?
Yeah.
Short of the one.
Except for the gluten.
The gluten flour.
When did you find out you were allergic to gluten?
Probably when I was nine or ten years old when I used to drink like a mickey of wild strawberry that's like Pepto-Bismol.
It's not around anymore, wild strawberry.
Wild strawberry?
It was yellow.
It had a strawberry on the front.
And I just went.
My mom's like, oh, they're supposed to have a sub.
What was it?
Anti-pooping stuff.
But you drink it as a snack? No, I just would be like
my stomach's so upset.
And then they thought I had Crohn's when I was like
19, 20 because my sister has Crohn's.
Not the one that the tree fell on.
And
then, yeah,
celiac. Yeah. That was like
15 years ago.
So you have celiac.
Your other sister has Crohn's.
Tree fall.
Yeah.
Do you have any digestive issues?
The tree falling.
She can't have pine cones anymore.
Or squirrel meat.
Yeah. Yeah. Is she okay? Yeah. Can we laugh at this. Yeah.
Yeah.
Is she okay?
Yeah.
Can we laugh at this?
Yeah.
She's out of the hospital.
She was in the ICU and everything.
Right.
But no squishing.
I feel bad.
No squishing.
Yeah.
It was only because
She can't move her hand?
She can't feel that hand.
She can like move it
just like up and down
like a tiny bit.
That's a bit
I feel like we're done
making fun of her.
Yeah.
We can't make fun of her.
I didn't say to do that. Yeah. That's true bit. I feel like we're done making fun of her. Yeah, we can't make fun of her. I didn't say to do that.
Yeah, that's true.
But we just assumed because of the, because you were so gleeful about it.
It's only because the way when I told people, it was like, people think I'm kidding.
Yeah, right.
But like, hey, this happened.
Yeah, it would be very hard if like.
When you tell people a tree fell on your sister, what do they say?
Did anybody hear it?
I'm at 90.
You said we were done making.
No, I was asking.
99% of people laugh because they think I'm joking.
Yeah.
Like when I told Apple, she was like laughing.
And then she's like, ah, what?
Like four seconds later. But, like, sometimes, you know, that'll, like, people will get hurt and the thing will be, it'll be a hilarious thing.
Like, sometimes people get squished by an elephant.
And that's hilarious.
Do they live?
No, no, probably not.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, but, like, you know, like, people, every year they say, like, people get trampled by a hippo.
And you're like, well, that's a pretty thing.
More die in the water, I think, from a hippo.
From like.
Getting tipped over and dragged under.
Yeah, yeah.
But like, you know what I mean?
You can't control how hilarious an injury you're going to get.
What's the funniest animal to to maim someone i mean i
said cheetah yeah cartoon like small like it wouldn't be anything an otter can be pretty
vicious yeah and they're and they're pretty funny they're adorable but like i remember watching a
a cooking show with it had you, like a kid's cooking show
and they said like,
who are you competing for?
They always ask that.
And this one girl said,
I'm competing for my dad
because he fell off a ladder
and I started laughing
and I cried.
Are you talking about
Just Like Mom?
No,
it was like
MasterChef Junior. Yeah, it was like a competition show. Do you guys remember that show? Just Like Mom? No, no. It was like a MasterChef Junior.
Yeah, it was like a competition show.
Do you guys remember that show?
Just Like Mom?
Yeah, didn't they try to bring it back?
They should.
What was this?
Just Like Mom was...
A cooking show.
A cooking show.
A Canadian.
Very Canadian.
So very Canadian.
Was that the one where the host would always kiss the kids?
Like open?
Yeah.
Or like try to steal a kiss.
Like,
can I give you a kiss?
No.
Like it was the 80s
and people were like,
that's fine.
Yeah,
this is fun for everyone.
The kid doesn't want to.
We don't listen to kids.
It would be the mom,
they would talk to the mom
and the kid
and then...
It was like the newlywed game?
Totally.
Oh really?
But then the mom would go away and they'd be like, we're going to make chocolate totally oh really but then the mom would go away
and they'd be like
we're gonna make
chocolate chip cookies
and then the kid would be like
I'm putting spaghetti in there
yeah
and the kid
they wouldn't give them a recipe
which by the way
an adult wouldn't know
how to make
chocolate chip cookies
no
I'm the worst at baking
the worst
like baking
for sure
yeah
so then
and then the thing
would always turn out awful
yeah
and the moms would be like,
and the moms would have to eat it.
Yeah.
And they would have to guess
which kid did it.
Yeah.
It was like
five disgusting things
that they have to try.
This show sounds great.
It was good.
Oh,
man.
I don't know.
I never saw it,
but man,
oh,
man,
this says everything.
Do you ever watch Take Part?
Take Part. I know that thing, but man, oh man, this has everything. You ever watch Take Part? Take Part.
I know that thing, but I...
I remember a show called Thrill of a Lifetime.
Do you remember that?
No.
That was like, you would write into the show and say like,
I always wanted to go on a blimp, and then they would arrange that.
I mean, it would be more exciting than that.
Was this Canadian as well?
It was also Canadian.
What about Camp Caribou?
Camp Caribou, I remember. What I remember about that was this canadian as well it's also canadian what about camp caribou camp caribou i remember i what i remember that was this old british guy who would would he be like he would make a snack and he would tell you how many calories it had
and how many like jumping jacks or push-ups you had to do and then he would do them in like
sped up motion that's fun that's a fun way for kids to learn caloric intake.
And watching what they eat.
Do you know how many calories you're supposed to have in a day?
Over a thousand.
Because I know on shows where they're like,
this child has only had a thousand calories a day.
And I'm like, that seems like a lot.
I don't know about a child.
I should know. about a child.
I should know.
An adult should know.
For an adult,
isn't like 1,500?
I think it's like 2,000.
Yeah.
Okay. 2,000.
2,000.
All right.
Well,
I think I'm easily passing that
before lunch.
Oh, yeah.
I know.
Like 2,000 times four?
I'm like,
okay,
so this Ben and Jerry's says
that a quarter of this Ben and Jerry's container is 300 calories.
So I need to multiply that by four to know what I just ate.
I've done that too, where I've looked at, I bought something that's, you know, like a thing that says Thins on it, but then you just eat the whole bag of it.
And, you know, it says per four.
Yes, and you're like no no i've got that too and you
count you're like okay i'll have 18 you're like i just had the whole bag well we just bought these
uh pretzels with peanut butter on the inside oh my god they're so good and they're yeah they're good
but they're not i don't overload on them but they're peanut. But they're not, I don't overload on them.
Well, because of the peanut butter, you're like.
Yeah, Aaron Burr.
But the serving size says per 17.
What?
Per 17.
Yeah.
So I haven't gone that high.
Yeah, I don't know how many pretzels I could eat.
Four?
Have you had the ones with mustard inside?
No.
You can do that.
We've had the ones that had like a mustardy coating.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The Snyders.
Yeah, yeah.
They're all broken up in the bag on purpose.
Really?
Yeah.
How come?
That's how they make them.
Okay, all right.
Was that dumb?
Weirdos over at Snyders.
Dave, what's going on with you?
Well, we just got back from Ontario
We sure did
We did a great show in Ottawa, not recorded
That's right
We did a pretty great show in Toronto
I think that was recorded, I haven't listened
Okay
When we go on tour
We decided early on that when we do live shows
We're not going to make them like numbered shows part of the sequence.
We'll just make them live shows.
So we don't have to stress.
So I don't have to stress about.
Yeah, no kidding.
The recording quality.
So, yeah, you might get that.
You know what?
We still haven't released the one from March.
That's right.
Yeah, there's.
But, you know, there were thanks to everybody who came out to the shows.
Yeah, there's, but you know, thanks to everybody who came out to the shows.
And that's the reason you want to buy tickets to see us live is because the sound guy might be like, oh, don't worry, it's already recording.
And then later you're like, oh, you didn't hit record twice?
You only hit it once?
It's not recording.
No.
Yeah.
But what can you do?
Nothing.
He seems so confident in it.
He's done this a thousand times. And he also had, he had like a silvery ponytail he was like a ponytail sam elliott yeah yeah yeah he really was he's he really was somebody that you could trust and he was
ford tough this will be easy this is well like he said i could you know what i could even back
it up on my recorder oh i forgot the power supply. Well, just use your recorder. It's fine.
Yeah.
And then I was like, okay,
and I'll go and I'll hit record before we get on stage.
He said, don't worry.
I've already started it.
Yeah, that's right.
He was very confident.
And very reassuring.
Yeah.
But you know what?
He'll never know it didn't record.
And I'll never see him in my life again.
He's your hero.
Yeah, well, that's true.
The wind beneath my wings. Yeah, well, that's true. The wind beneath my wings.
So, yeah, that was, it was fun being in Ontario.
Well, I don't know if it was fun being in Ontario.
It was so hot.
So hot.
Man, oh, man.
It's like.
But it was fun.
Doing the shows was fun.
Yeah.
Being in the air conditioned places was fun.
It was the kind of trip
where I was like, you know when you go to a
city that has like, oh, they've
got these restaurants or like these, you know, cool
late-night places to eat, and you're just like,
I just, I cannot walk
between two buildings. It's too hot to
go out. Yeah. So it will be
Popeye's chicken and Panera bread
for me. Did you eat at
Popeye's? I did. Alright. Love that eat a Popeye's? I did. All right.
Love that chicken at Popeye's.
I never had it before.
Is it any good?
It's fine.
Yeah.
You know what?
Like the only, I guess I've had church's chicken too, but KFC is.
That's the one for you.
Is the one that makes.
No, no.
KFC is the one that makes me the sickest.
Oh, makes you the sickest.
Oh, yeah.
Like I used to get an annual craving for KFC, and I don't get it anymore because it just makes me so sick.
I think it was one of the last things that I ate that had meat in it was the KFC.
Was that it?
Yeah, I mean, it wasn't the thing that, it wasn't like it pushed me over the edge, but I remember very distinctly being like, well, that's the end of that.
But it used to be good.
No.
I don't know if it's.
Yes, it's changed.
It's more.
It's.
I don't know if that's true because.
Well, no, maybe my.
Like, because my parents, when we were a kid, my parents would have a few bites of it.
Yeah.
Have a couple pieces.
I couldn't, for the life of me, have a couple pieces of KFC right now.
It could be that it's worse.
I feel like it is.
I mean, everything.
Is worse.
Over time.
But like with Popeye's, the thing is, you just want the outside of it.
You just want the skin.
Just give me a box of skin.
Well, why don't they just open up a restaurant that just sells skin?
Just called skin.
Yeah.
Skins. Do you. Yeah. Skins.
Do you want spicy or just normal?
Yeah, spicy.
You can have all the different types of it.
And Popeye's, it's like, I don't, I got the spicy and it was good.
It wasn't too spicy.
Okay.
I also, Trich's is okay too.
But like, but once you eat the meat part of it you're just like it's just a
matter of like how close to the bone do i need to get to be satisfied what can i do i can walk
away from this knowing that the chicken led a good life and i don't think you can walk away
knowing that but like i'm not wasting any uh like it didn't die in vain it it's it's it's veins are
in you it's veins are in me.
Yeah.
Like, I don't want to leave a bunch of meat on the boat.
Yeah.
But, you know, you could take the meat and then have a healthy restaurant where you just eat chicken, you know, chicken breast or whatever with no skin.
But I will say, I didn't feel gross after Popeyes, which I sometimes do after fried chicken.
Yeah.
Especially if it's Kentucky fried chicken.
But anyway, so yeah, Ottawa was fine.
And Toronto was fine.
And it was great.
And it was a really great meeting, everyone.
Although last year we did the same venue and even a smaller venue in Toronto in the same complex.
And there was like an hour long meet and greet afterwards, like a huge lineup of people who
wanted to say hello.
Yeah. And this year it was like, all right all right well thanks for coming guys bye well yeah well i
figured everybody had already got that photo yeah you know uh and and it's like you know you get in
your photo taken with uh with a kiss you know we look exactly the same year in year out we wear
the same makeup it's true yeah uh anyway so so that was great. What I really wanted to talk
about is the
other day I
went to the
dentist.
Yes.
For the first
time in three
years.
Why?
Three years ago
I left the
Canadian Broadcasting
Corporation and
with it my
dental insurance.
Yeah.
And I, my
wife and my
children go to
the dentist and
I pay for that
out of my own
pocket and I just don't need the, you know what? You don't need my wife and my children go to the dentist. Did I pay for that out of my own pocket?
And I just don't need the, uh,
I just,
I,
you know what?
Last,
I don't need teeth.
I get it.
I don't need teeth.
Yeah.
I hate going to the dentist.
Last time I went to the dentist,
they found a cavity and they were like,
we'll fill it.
And you know,
more power to them.
They're,
they,
they're the ones who know how to do that that
would be great if they found a cavity and said well our hands are tied yeah we're gonna get
refer you to an ophthalmologist and so i went to the dentist uh three years ago got this filled
and anytime i've ever gotten a cavity it's never been because i was like oh i have i feel like i have a cavity it's i always take their word for it yeah me too like i've had toothaches and i've
gone to the dentist and they've been like oh it looks fine yeah uh you know just uh probably
sensitive teeth yeah like think you do that's i thought i had a mouthful of cavities and i went
and he's like no i just have i sense it i grind and I, it's like, uh, if I don't wear a night guard on a given night, I feel like the next day I chomped through my face.
Did he do an air?
She was an x-ray.
Yeah.
Okay.
So they didn't do that.
I'd be like, I don't believe.
Oh yeah.
No, they, they got to just feel around in there with their finger.
So they, three years ago, they, they filled it. They, they detected it. Just feel around in there with their finger. So three years ago, they filled it.
They detected it.
It was fine.
They filled it.
It was not fine.
And for the past three years, I've just been like, it's fine.
I just won't eat on that side of my face.
What are you talking about?
The real Oliver Twist.
Oh, like I can eat on that side of my face if it's soft.
Yeah.
Like a root canal?
No.
What's a root canal?
What I had to get on this one.
Well, they.
Oh, really?
They.
We'll talk about that.
So, yeah, they filled it and they were like, bye.
And I was like, okay, see you never.
Let's hope I die before I need to deal with it.
And it just bothered you for three years
well it was just like
that day
it felt like
okay I'll just wait
until this sort of
sorts itself out
yeah
and then
the next day
and then
the next 900 days
it was like
well I guess I can't
eat
you know
nuts
or anything hard
you know
crusty bread
the filling
part of a blizzard it's like you're
just eating apples yeah saucer mostly recovering patient food yeah yeah uh on that side on the
other side it's fine uh so i went in i reluctantly eventually went in like even like december i was
like okay i gotta go and i was just i just got
busy life got in the way and so i went a couple weeks ago and i said oh you know what's really
been bothering me for the last 36 months is uh this this especially this one these these two
teeth when i floss it's agony just between these two teeth.
It's where I got the filling.
And I think they missed it.
I think they did it all wrong.
And so they looked, they took an x-ray, the dentist, the hygienist, everyone kind of guilted me into like, why did you let this sit for so long?
And I had to say, because I hate you.
I hate everything about dentistry.
They have to know that though. Like no one loves going to the dentist no no but there's a reason why that people don't love
going to the dentist it's because of the constant guilt right and it's it's so i've learned that
it's so genetic like some people don't need to take care of their teeth and they're fine.
I do a reasonably good job.
I floss every day.
I do not.
And I... A couple weeks prior
to the dent.
Yeah, they can tell.
They can tell
if you just...
What?
What was it?
Was it two cavities? No. They went and they looked and they took an x-ray and they're
like it's fine i think it's just the uh i i think it's just the uh you know maybe the bite is a
little misaligned now and so we'll you know we'll have you come back and we'll we'll just try to
sort it out and i do have to go back back because the moment the woman started cleaning my teeth,
she was like,
this is going to be a two visit one.
Like 10 seconds in,
she was like,
do you smoke?
She did not.
Yes, she did.
Oh my God.
And I said,
why is that good?
Why should I start? and she was like uh do you drink coffee and she was like i was like yes okay uh
when is that i mean unless you're looking for a cigarette don't ever guess that somebody smokes
ever i think it's think a dental hygienist
Could ask that
Sure I guess
If I had said yes what would you have said
Well you shouldn't
Oh okay
Oh wow
So I'm going back
Hopefully they'll fix this bad boy up
Why do you have to go back though
A couple weeks
Yeah but for what
To finish the cleaning
and she's going to do some. She didn't finish
cleaning? No, she said it was like
this is a two visit job. Oh my
God. I thought it was like
you're going to have to come back because you got some
cavities. Not like this is taking
four hours to clean your teeth.
She said it'll be another 45 minutes.
Holy shit. Wow. But it felt
they felt really clean afterwards.
Don't they?
Yeah.
It's the best.
I'll just be like, mm.
I can fit my tongue through a few of these teeth.
And then so she, yeah.
So they'll do something with the filling and the bite and I don't know.
Yeah.
Like the fillings are so different than when I was a kid.
Now they use some kind of amalgam and they shine a light on it when they're done
shut up
that's right
do you have to put
like the
whatever that big thing
in there
yeah
you still do that
and they dental dam you up
dental dam
and it's like
they're on a construction site
in your mouth
yeah
that's what I hate
even cleaning
when it's like
you're like
you know what I love
the smell of
my teeth
burning
burning
that's what I had
with this one.
Oh.
So what, you got a root canal in your front tooth?
My front tooth.
What is a root canal?
It's your tooth is dead.
So it should have happened ages ago.
It was when I was like 15, 16, when I used to smoke.
My friend asked for a cigarette.
I like put it out and then I took it away and she tripped me and I got like fell onto a curb.
And the tooth was behind the other tooth and I braces
I told the orthodontist that I was beat up by a gang of girls
I told my parents too I came home just cut up my face cut up my all cuts and my dad's like
I was like what happened I drank like a two liter I was so drunk I'm like I just got jumped and my
dad came down he's like we're calling the cops I drank like a two liter. I was so drunk. I'm like, I just got jumped. And my dad came down.
He's like, we're calling the cops.
I'm like, they know where we live.
So they believed me.
And they didn't.
And they moved the tooth back.
They didn't.
The orthodontist did.
I told him the story.
Dad, can you help me with this?
He didn't believe me, the orthodontist.
He moved it back.
He's like, your tooth is going to die within this year.
And it just did it like last year. I was like i thought he thought it would die right away okay
because it was right behind what an idiot and that tooth was a fighter it was tooth showed that
by uh one root does the tooth when it dies change color i think so and it was bothering me so i was
putting more like i brushed my teeth with sentinine, but I was bringing with me out a little thing of Sensodyne,
like a little one.
I'm like, I'll put it on my tooth.
It's really bothering me.
And I go to the dentist like every six months,
and then I was like, my tooth's bothering me.
He's like, yeah, it's dead.
And he just filed it down and numbed it,
and I'm like, what?
Like to nothing.
I'm like, oh, oh.
I'm like, am I leaving like this?
Like, is this happening in one visit?
One from two?
And that's all I know
how to do.
Again, cheer off, filmologist.
Puts the
fake one in, get it a week later.
In the mail.
I had to put it in, crazy glue
it, got my
dad to hammer it in. crazy glue it, got my dad to hammer it in.
And then it wasn't a color that matched the one that I had.
I'm like, I hate it.
And also the back of it was too thick.
It bothered me.
And he was like, don't eat apples with that.
I'm like, what does that mean?
Isn't it supposed to act like a fucking tooth?
So I had to be like, on the side like cut everything and like like a lady and and uh so last time i was there his daughter's taking over the
practice and i'm like i don't like my tooth she's like yeah it's not a good match so i got it for
free the new one nice but when they filed it down because it's like stuck in there the smell of that
is just even though it's a fake tooth they're drilling i was like i don't like this at all yeah what's your favorite uh body part to have drilled at and
smell the bone burning i like that uh you know they drill a hole in the top of your head
yeah yeah um the uh yeah i've had one time I got a bunch of fillings done all at once.
And then I went to the dentist like five years later and he was like, these are all terrible.
Like, every single one's got to go.
I expect, that's what I expected.
Because the woman who gave me my filling, I had never seen her at the dentist before.
I expected them to be like.
Just something came in.
Oh, yeah.
They did a terrible, whoever did this was really bad hey yeah
when were you here you weren't here on june 9th because that was the day that lady came in did a
bunch of dental procedures so all yours that you got done you had to get them redone yeah
and i have them all taken out i don't believe them i feel like no like that's a scam what
that what was the scam That they put it in.
It's supposed to last a lifetime, isn't it?
Fillings?
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
It's not supposed to be five years.
It's, like, expensive.
No, but it was this, you know, like, ceramic.
It's, like, some new ceramic.
Anyways, it didn't take.
Like, it was, like, they're all cracked.
I feel like they did that on purpose.
Yeah.
But it wasn't the same dentist
It was two different dentists
Right
That knew each other
You think they're
They're working in
I think one guy
Gave you bad ceramics
Yeah he gave me bad ceramics
You got it online
Or something for sure
Yeah
And then the guy said
We can just put in the old
Trustworthy metal guys
Yeah
So yeah I got a bunch of metal guys
Yeah those
Those will last you
Yeah yeah yeah
Mercury
Yeah Do that Yeah yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mercury.
Yeah.
Do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, my dentist said my mercury
levels are
dangerously low.
I don't go to
strip clubs, but
every three years
I let a dental
hygienist put her
boobs on my head.
That's basically it,
right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's why I go
every six months.
So yeah, that's me.
Tooth troubles, I think, is what the Archie comic would be called.
Well, what's going on with you?
Well, as you well know, I'm traveling to the airport on Sunday.
I lost my phone.
Graham and I shared a cab on the way to the airport in Toronto.
And, yeah.
Yeah, got out of the cab and, like, within, you know, 20 seconds, I was like, ah, shit.
And so I called it a bunch on my phone.
Yeah.
To no avail.
And then I called the phone company, and I said, like.
You dialed zero.
Yeah, I dialed zero.
I said, put me in touch with phones.
My phone, exactly.
And that's what the guy said.
The guy, he was like, you should do the find my phone app
and then see where it ended up and then just go get it.
And I was like, no, I'm getting on a plane,
so I got to cancel the phone.
just go get it.
And I was like,
now I'm getting on a plane.
So I got to cancel the phone.
And then I was without phone because it was the Canada Day long weekend.
Oh, yeah.
So I just went back.
It was like 2000 and something.
2000.
I got your message.
I thought you were just like,
Canada Day,
there's no phones, James.
Phones have been canceled.
We flew home on Canada Day.
Yeah. But the next day was the holiday, but everything was still open. Bones, James. Bones have been canceled. We flew home on Canada Day.
Yeah.
But the next day was the holiday, but everything was still open.
Not everything. Rogers near my house wasn't open.
Go to the mall, dude.
I did.
I ended up having to go to the mall.
But in the meantime, no phone.
Several bus trips, no phone.
Several, you know.
Oh, this isn't going to be a story about how you reconnected with.
I reconnected with my son, Jeremy.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, who I've been neglecting because of my phone.
Every time I see him, I'm like, one more second.
And now he wants to borrow the car from me.
Ah.
Yeah.
Daddy, would you like your phone, sir?
I don't really know
the words
man
did you not hear
anything from the
oh the phone has a
cradle
the cab
the cab company
no
of course not
cab drivers are crooks
that's the
that's the end of
as soon as I saw him
drive off in the distance
he was like
ha ha ha
who wants a phone?
On our way to the airport, I suggested to Graham.
Oh, I gave him every possible way we could get to the airport.
He said, no, let's take a cab.
Yeah, I said it'll just like that.
The most expensive way.
And he was like, I want to stick my head out of the sunroof.
And the cabbie let me.
That's good.
But he said that I had to flash him my chest.
Why don't you take an Uber?
I was.
Yeah.
Or the train.
Well, he could have taken the train.
That's true.
But I feel like if you lose your phone in an Uber, you have all the information about that driver.
Yeah.
I mean, at least your friend does who booked the Uber.
That's right.
Not you. Yeah, not me uh yeah anyway so you know had no phone and it was fine it was i thought it would be
harder to get guess so i ended up i talked on a pay phone to the phone company yeah how many phones
do you own uh one okay because you because we uh you're this last phone you owned that you lost
yeah was that a donation yeah yeah and this new phone was that a donation yeah graham when someone
gets rid of their old phone graham's like i'll take it yeah i'm like rumple still skin i show up
i uh i turned your old phone which is now trash to you into. So is your new phone a newer model than your old phone? Yeah.
It's a 5?
It's a 5.
What did you have before?
A 4.
No.
Yeah.
Soon I will have a 6.
It was like a tank, that thing.
Yeah.
It lasted so long.
And now I'll never know.
Now it's in the back of some cab somewhere,
living its life.
You know, it was time.
Yeah.
You know, it's in a better place.
Are you only iPhone?
Huh?
Are you only iPhone?
I'm fine with
whatever phone.
I just happen to,
iPhones seem to be
the thing.
If you have an old phone,
and you lose
your old phone,
but you have
another old phone,
what did this
whole thing
end up costing you?
It's like 25
something dollars.
I've done it before.
I wasn't asking
you! I'm sorry!
Yeah, it was like that. It was like
25 bucks or something to switch it
over. It was pretty...
You could just go in and the guy...
It's just all...
I don't know. Magic. He types something
on the computer. Well, do you
know how it works? Nobody here knows how it works.
We work for a tech company.
Car do it?
Have you ever lost your phone before?
Yeah.
And the time that I had lost a phone before was in a cab,
and I called it, and the cab driver had it, and he answered.
And then he made me pay money to get it back.
What are you talking about
he was like well i gotta drive all the way back to the it was staying at a hotel and so he's like
i gotta drive back to the hotel so you gotta pay me and i needed that phone it was a three
so that was the three that caught fire while i was asleep what are you talking about
my my uh iphone it melted the the cord melted into the phone while
i was asleep and like there was a big burn was it still the big big fat yeah connector yeah yeah
yeah yeah and you've settled with apple yet or no yeah well i uh i i don't think i had a case
you know it was a phone that somebody had and to me. There was no damage except for the phone and the connector.
Yeah.
And the house burned down.
Yeah, but they would have, an inspector at that house would have been like, this was a, this was a Tinder pile.
Yeah.
It was ready to go up any day.
Um, what, because I feel like people don't lose their phones quite so much anymore.
I might be wrong about this.
People don't lose their phones quite so much anymore.
I might be wrong about this.
Maybe I just don't go on Facebook as much anymore, but I feel like there was an epidemic, like, I don't know, 2010,
and for the next three years of people.
Stealing phones and stuff, right?
Or just like people saying, I lost my phone.
Can everybody give me your numbers again on, like, in this Facebook thread.
I thought that was just people saying that because they were lonely.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
I mean, sure.
And it works.
Right.
But like you just, you got to back up your phone.
Yeah.
Back that phone up.
No.
You don't ever?
No.
Jane, you're asking for it.
You're asking for trouble.
But Jane's got a photographic memory.
She knows their phone number.
I know all the phone numbers.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The Mary Lou Henner of the phone. Do you remember your own phone number? No. I don't know knows every phone number. the phone number. Oh, yeah, yeah. The Mary Lou Henner of the phone.
Do you remember
your own phone number?
No.
I don't know
Abby's phone number.
And she's had it
like for 15 years.
But on your phone,
it's just Abby
or wife.
Yeah.
I know the first
three numbers of it.
And so,
like when I have to
fill out a form
of both of our numbers,
I say,
babe,
what's the last four numbers?
Are you less for digits?
Um,
so two days phone free one day phone.
Yeah.
One day phone free.
And,
uh,
yeah.
Aside from,
you know,
the only thing that I missed about having a phone,
you know,
we'll take pictures of stuff.
I'd say,
I saw a bunch of stuff that I was like,
Oh,
that'd be a funny photo,
but everything else, eh.
Eh? Right?
Yeah.
What kind of phone is that?
It's a Samsung. Don't roll your eyes at me.
I had an iPhone forever.
It sucks with memory.
I had too many apps.
I love apps.
What's your favorite app
oh probably like
shrimp
yeah
popcorn shrimp
popcorn shrimp
yeah
it just didn't have a good
and you can add
the memory
in the Samsung
you can?
yeah you can't do that
on the fucking
Apple phone
you probably can
you take it to some
some guy
yeah
he probably is
Able to open it up
And do something
Johnny
Yeah
Yeah yeah yeah
Yeah okay
I get it
No you can't
Do we want to move on
To a little bit of business
Baby we do
Stop podcasting
Yourself as supported
In part by
Away
Makers of first class
Luggage at a
Coach price Oh I see what they did there Yeah yeah yeah It's a It's a fun little Stop podcasting yourself and support it in part by away. Makers of first class luggage at a coach price.
Oh, I see what they did there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a fun little play on words.
Now, Dave.
What?
They sent me a piece of this luggage.
No, they didn't.
They did.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Dave.
No, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was in that email chain and they specifically said they would not send you one.
But you know what I did?
I went back
on that chain added one more link and uh they sent me this uh this piece of luggage first of all
super cute it's like it's like a little tiny guy okay it goes in the overhead compartment
uh you're like a real cute luggage guy yeah yeah yeah i like a cute piece of luggage
uh you've seen me with my tiny backpacks.
Uh-huh.
Your tiny leather backpacks.
Yeah, so small.
You've got a little set of valises.
Like finger-full valises for your action figure.
Yeah, yeah.
You're a cute luggage guy.
It cannot be denied.
So this is what the suitcase comes with.
It's got wheels uh-huh you
roll it around on the on the top or the bottom on the bottom oh boy yeah out of everything it's got
uh it's got a usb charging okay battery no no this is not this is for sure no you're thinking of
like uh like a house yeah you're thinking of like a like a laptop or no no no that you can plug your laptop
into this thing and uh it's uh it's got like little kind of flaps little compartments
within it that uh you put all manner of stuff in shirts ties toiletries your suitcase is a
wonderland yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's real nice.
And it's light.
It's like a little croissant.
Light?
Is it buttery?
It's so buttery.
Sounds so cute.
Yeah.
Well, Graham, did you know that Away uses high quality materials while offering a much
lower price by cutting out the middleman and selling directly to you?
To me?
Well, no, they gave you one.
Yeah, that's true.
But they'll sell directly to you, the listener,
and the middleman's not getting any of this stuff.
Oh, man, I hate that guy so much.
And the way you get this thing, you get $20 off.
So first of all, the middleman's not getting a cut.
Away's losing $20 on this deal, and it's our special travel deal.
Yeah.
What you do, you go to awaytravel.com slash spy and use code spy at checkout.
We have to whisper.
Yeah, because the middle man's listening.
And do our crazy surfer voice.
Dudes.
Yeah, dudes.
So be bodacious.
Go to awaytravel.com slash SPY.
Hang ten.
Beginning this summer, you can listen to new episodes of Inside Pop every other week for an even deeper dive inside the world of pop culture.
Now we're still bringing you our brilliant insight, always on the nose opinions, and insidery inside information on the most interesting pop culture stories of the
week. And we'll also have interviews with the pop culture professionals who create the culture you
crave. For example, we'll speak to casting directors about how they find the right talent for the right
role. We'll talk to music supervisors about how they choose the music to create the right mood.
And we'll grill producers who'll discuss what exactly a producer does. Oh man, Sean,
how many times has someone said to you, oh, you're a producer, so what do you actually do?
So many times. Same here. So make sure to catch Inside Pop every other Wednesday on Maximum Fun
to indulge your pop culture obsessions. And to hear in-depth interviews from the movers and the shakers in TV, music, film, and more.
Hi, I'm Paula Poundstone.
And I'm Adam Felber.
Adam, I haven't gotten one thing done today.
Well, let me see your to-do list.
Ah, yeah, well, here.
Make 30-second promo for Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone, so at least you're getting that done.
Score!
Except you haven't said what the show's about.
We're like a comedy field guide to life
starring me and you.
I give useful advice
and we have real experts
to talk about things like
how to keep a friend
or what to do
when you encounter a bear.
Bully for you,
but you haven't said
where people can find the show.
Oh, maximumfun.org
or wherever you find your podcasts.
Overheard.
Overheard's a segment on the show where we hear things.
And boy, oh boy, if you think we talk about them, you got that right.
And we like to start with the guest, Jane.
Yes.
Sock it to us.
Oh, good one.
Thank you.
I thought today was World Cup.
Like there was a game.
So at work, there's like three 50 inch TVs.
I was like, yeah, there's no soccer games today.
At salad work.
At salad work.
And a list of hot topics on The View.
So that wasn't anything.
Couldn't do that.
Yeah.
I was recording at home and it was the world champions of hot dog eating all right we're recording this on july 4th
the 4th of july yeah was crying i was laughing so hard it they introed him of like do you drink
black coffee or decaf when you become an adult it's just black coffee and they brought people
the intro out like they were professional athletes. And they did, like, an interview.
But they did the interview with the guy that's won, like, 11 times.
Joey Chestnut?
Joey the Jaw Chestnut.
And that's his nickname.
The Jaw.
And then they did an interview on a kid that they thought was going to beat it.
Like, I like playing soccer.
I thought it was like a.
That's why you recorded it, because you thought it was the World Cup, because a kid likes
soccer.
And he runs.
This is where he gets tired at three minutes.
This is about Joey, because you start getting tired.
So that's why he runs.
How much do you think he runs?
Every day?
A week.
Oh, total?
Yeah.
25 minutes.
10 miles.
10 miles.
That's... It helps him, because at three minutes, that's when you get really tired. 10 miles a week. Oh, a total? Yeah. 25 minutes. 10 miles. That's...
Helps them because at three minutes, that's when you get really tired.
And it's just like, they're about to puke.
Like, they're like, more.
It's so disgusting, but I watched it.
Do you know if you squeeze your thumb, you don't have a gag reflex?
What?
What?
Yeah, if you squeeze your thumb in your...
Your sister can't do it.
I know she can't squeeze.
So I feel bad for her husband.
Dave said he was going to stomach a full recovery.
Well.
She's fine.
She'll be fine, right?
She'll make a full recovery?
Yes.
No.
Why?
What does that have to do with anything?
I don't know, but stick your finger down your throat.
Okay.
Did you make that up?
No.
You did it for one second.
Oh, yeah, it works.
I'm going to be a porn star.
I need to cut my nails.
So was that
was that the
that was my
overseat overheard
yeah
do you think the
world cup
how much
like amateur
soccer do you
think it results
in
just like people
who are like
let's get a game
going guys
too much
I've seen a lot
I've seen a lot
because you're a
soccer
hardcore
I used to be yeah blew out your knees I put up my cleats Too much. I think a lot. I've seen a lot. Because you're a soccer hardcore.
I used to be, yeah.
I need to tell you, blew out your knees.
I put up my cleats.
You put them up?
Yeah.
Put them up.
Yeah.
When?
Because you were still coaching.
In the beginning, yeah.
I haven't played soccer in like eight plus years.
I'm too out of shape.
You run 10 miles a week. A week.
Two for the hot dog games.
71 hot dogs
in 10 minutes.
71.
And he couldn't do it.
He was at the end
and he was just like,
go,
go away,
go away.
He won?
He won again?
Yeah.
Wow.
What's his record?
It's the record.
He just broke it.
71.
You just know that he
avoids going to the doctor because his doctor sees it on TV and is like.
So do you, what is it you do for a living, Joe?
Odds and ends.
This and that.
Yeah, yeah.
I eat odds and ends.
Yeah.
I eat odds and ends.
Yeah.
Now, there's a guy on TV I saw this past Independence Day matching your description.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, because your nitrate level is incredibly high.
And your body is mostly composed of wet bun.
You also would never even have 71 hot dogs in a year.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Unless I go to 35 barbecues.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dave, you have an overheard?
Well, last year I got this wild hair up my ass.
I went to 10 hockey games and I wanted to eat 10 feet of hot dogs.
But then I discovered the nachos.
Yeah.
How many feet of hot dogs did you end up eating?
I mean, I had, how many?
It was like 30 odd for the grunt.
Yeah.
The Ordinary Fear of God.
Go on.
The Bacon Brothers. Let's see. We're talking about the Boxmasters. Yeah. Yeah. The Ordinary Fear of God. Go on. The Bacon Brothers.
Let's see.
We're talking about the Box Masters.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think I probably.
Dog Star.
Sure.
Yeah.
Probably at about four feet a dog.
Yeah.
Like a Danny DeVito.
Like a full DeVito.
Yeah.
What is he?
He's four or something.
He's got to be over four.
I think he's like 4'10". How tall is Danny DeVito, Siri?
Four foot ten. or something. He's got to be over 4. I think he's like 4'10". How tall is Danny DeVito, Siri? 4'10".
4'10".
I just saw that.
Nice, really nice.
He could be a gymnast.
Yeah, I guess he could.
Yeah.
Not too late.
It is.
I mean, he couldn't be a professional gymnast.
No, but you know.
Or a competitive, I mean.
But he could be
You know
He could be those
Like when they do
High school gymnastics
Well yeah
Those gymnasts
Are like
I mean
A female gymnast
You mean
Yeah
I guess the male ones
Aren't tall either
No
No
Yeah you gotta be compact
Get up on them rings
Bart Conner
Yeah
Mitch Gaylord
Peter Vidmar
Who's the guy that was in
Gymkhana You know One of those three Yeah Yeah it has to be One of those three Bart Conner. Yeah. Mitch Gaylord. Peter Vidmar. Who's the guy that was in Jim Carter?
One of those three.
Yeah.
Yeah, it has to be one of those three.
Dave, overheard?
I guess so.
I don't know if this is an overheard.
This is something Marco said.
I'll share it with you.
Yeah.
So she was like, I was uh she was you know
what let's not do this she was she was uh she doesn't worry she only wears a diaper in bed
and so i was putting her diaper on and she was trying to touch me with her butt. And I said, I don't want to touch your butt. It's a
private part. And she said, my butt
is not a private part. It's a curse.
And I asked her
to explain what she meant. She said,
my butt is on all the way
to the mall.
That just sounds like lyrics from
some sort of Crazy hip hop song
That I wouldn't understand
Yeah so I don't know
What that means
My butt is on
All the way to the mall
Yeah
Sounds great
Somebody remix that
Yeah
Do it now
My butt is a curse
My butt is on
All the way to the mall
But this is one
That's an overheard
That children said
Yeah
I was at a park
With my children
And I overheard
A girl Talking to a boy and
there were maybe eight.
And she said, am I a chatterbox Malachi?
No, you're a children of the corn.
Yeah.
Like the rest of us.
Right.
Yeah.
Malachi, children of the corn name?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just know what it is.
Like an old Testament.
Yeah.
I think it's the children of the corn name. Isn't it Malachi? It's the red head that name? Yeah. I just know what it is, like an Old Testament. Yeah, I think it's the Children of the Corn name.
Isn't it Malachi?
It's the redhead that like, ugh.
Yeah.
Murder.
So scary.
So scary.
Don't remember what was scary about the movie.
They were out in the corn.
They shouldn't have been.
They killed you when you turned like 16 or something like that.
Man.
Oh, boy.
Too bad.
That was such a.
All I got was a Toyota Torsil.
I didn't really.
I'm one of these 16-year-old kids who gets a car for their birthday.
Yeah.
I was allowed to drive my parents' minivan.
Ditto.
Sundance.
Oh.
I got to drive that.
That's not bad.
Yeah.
It's no minivan, but it'll do.
It's done.
Yeah.
I feel like the youngest kid, I was the youngest.
I got to drive better cars than my siblings did because they, my parents were post minivan when.
Right.
I was the only one left at home.
You got some sporty Kia Sportage.
I got all the Kias.
Shut up.
A Rio, a Sportage, a Sportage.
I, yeah, just drove that minivan.
That was it.
That's all I was allowed to drive.
You could fit tons of people in it.
Yeah, that's true.
I never did, but I could have.
That was sad.
What's your overheard?
Mine was, like, it was while i was hearing this woman talk uh she was coming out
of a shop with a with a boyfriend type and um was speaking in an english accent and i was literally
thinking about like what a nice what a nice accent she has she's like well i guess i'm off
and then she said she went to go unlock her bike, and she said, puke stains out here.
I was like, oh, that's such a nice accent.
It's so nice.
Did we step over puke?
Do you remember stepping over puke on the trip?
Yes.
Where was that?
That, oh, where was that?
I feel like that was in Ottawa that we stepped over.
Sure.
Like a pile of puke.
Oh, stop it.
Please.
It was following a hot dog
eating competition.
That's gotta be
that's what's happening backstage
at these. The minute that they call it
like you're done.
I was like
I got two lines across
and I was thinking about like big Canada Day celebration with all the bands playing.
But you know, backstage, they're just eating so many hot dogs.
I'll have another.
It's free.
But the second that they're like, you're the champion, it just must be like.
How long do you have to hold it in for?
One business day.
No.
They're all just like, blah.
Yeah.
Blah.
I, uh, yeah.
I mean, I'm fascinated to know what it does to the human body, but.
They're all going to die.
You think?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, we're all going to die.
We are.
Yeah.
But like, to win it 11 years in a row or whatever. Yeah. Like, he's all going to die. Yeah, I mean, we're all going to die. We all, yeah. But like to win it 11 years in a row or whatever.
Yeah.
Like he's not going to die.
100% he's going to.
But he.
I don't even think he gets any money from it.
But he's.
Just like, I love hot dogs.
He's a freak of nature.
Yeah.
Like the fact that he, if you were the kind of person who did this every year,
11 years would be enough to kill you.
Like the fact that he's still alive is a testament to hot dogs,
hot dogs,
how healthy they are.
The hidden nutrients of hot dogs.
Yeah.
Eat 71 a day.
Um,
now we also have overheards sent to us from people all over. Hot dog eating kids, kids who climb on rocks.
Tough kids, sissy kids, even because of a chicken pox.
That's right.
And if you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org.
This first one comes from Louis in Northampton, UK.
Home of the delightful accents.
There it is.
That's Dave barfing up 71 hot dogs.
Bangers.
No.
I was having lunch at a pub, and the three women sitting on the table next to mine, one of whom was heavily pregnant,
were discussing the birthing process.
One woman says,
my sister's birth was really easy.
He practically jumped out of her.
No.
Yeah, cool.
Yeah.
I mean, you know,
we should all be so lucky.
Yeah, for like a week before the birth,
he just had his elbow hanging out.
Hey, how you doing out there?
Working on his trucker tip.
How you doing?
Good
afternoon, missus.
I reckon
I do, I do.
I don't like that face you made.
This will come out after
it happens, but I want to congratulate England on the World Cup win.
Oh, yes.
Congratulations.
Soccer's coming home is what they're saying over there.
It's probably not.
What?
What?
Who do you think is going to win it all?
I don't know.
Be one of those predictive octopus.
Yeah.
France.
France.
Get out of here.
No, it's England Yeah
It's going
Or Belgium
Oh Belgium
Oh yeah
The Battle of the Belge
I'd love it if it was Belgium
They never win anything
Ever
Tiny country
Yeah
Great
Great waffles though
The best
This next one comes from Christy K
The other day I was at a grocery store And passed three people The best. This next one comes from Christy K.
The other day I was at a grocery store and passed three people having what seemed like an intense conversation.
As I went by, I heard one guy say very seriously,
Yeah, I had a sergeant in the army who had to put his bird on antidepressants.
I don't know.
It's not, if it's a caged bird, sad life.
It's a sad life for a bird.
If it's not caged, they clip the wings.
So you can't like.
Yeah, that's a sad life for a bird.
It would suck.
Yeah.
Bird wants to fly.
Right?
It's not a penguin.
That's why I have a pet penguin.
Oh yeah.
Yes.
Pet penguin.
Pet peacock. What don't fly? Turkey. Oh, yeah. Yes. Pet penguin. Pet peacock.
What don't fly?
Turkey. Turkey.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ostrich.
Your bigger birds don't fly.
Yeah.
Big birds don't fly.
Big birds.
They don't fly.
Fly.
I cannot get those notes.
Well, you tried for it. Oh, my back.
Oh, my pussy.
Oh, my crack.
What is the...
What's the name of the singer of that?
Is that Frankie Valli?
It might have been Frankie Valli.
The Four Oceans.
Oceans 11. Featuring Frankie Valley. The Four Oceans. Oceans 11.
Featuring Frankie Valley.
Frank Oceans.
This last one comes from Ken from Cincinnati.
Hi, Ken.
Thanks for writing in.
It's spy at maximumfun.org.
That is correct.
I was walking down the aisle of my local grocery store when I heard a guy on his phone in the next aisle.
Here's what I caught of his conversation.
No, no, no, no.
You're full of shit. Everyone pisses in the shower. I piss twice in the next aisle. Here's what I caught of his conversation. No, no, no, no. You're full of shit.
Everyone pisses in the shower.
I piss twice in the shower.
Once when I get in,
and then once when I'm about to get out.
Who does that?
Come on.
That's crazy.
You guys pee in the shower though, right?
No, sure.
Of course.
All the time.
Sometimes when the shower's not even on,
I'll just open a slug.
Do it.
What about a pool
no
I did today
I have a pool
why
Jane
I'm in the water
in your apartment
in your pool apartment
your apartment pool
oh cool
but like
I peed
in it
but like
you know
your neighbors
can hear this
they can't hear me
peeing
or can they You know, your neighbors can hear this. They can't hear me peeing.
Or can they?
That's something I do not do.
I don't pee in things.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, like. I plan out my day accordingly.
I do, but like, ugh, I'm in the water.
I don't know why.
You're swishing around.
It's like water.
This feels right.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what's inside me.
It's got to get out.
I don't pee in the shower, but sometimes I do crap in the sink.
Oh, boy.
Oh, brother.
You've never peed in a pool?
Not always.
Like a kid.
Yeah.
But that was, you know. Okay. That was when I was a kid. always. Like a kid. Yeah. But that was,
you know.
Okay.
That was a little,
when I was a kid.
When I was a kid,
Jane,
not as an adult person.
I have too much respect
for what,
you know,
for everybody else.
There's a kid there.
I was like,
I don't have respect
for that kid.
No,
yeah.
The kid's already peed
in the pool.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
If I see a kid in a pool,
I know what he's up to.
Yeah,
yeah. I mean, my children, well in the pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I see a kid in a pool, I know what he's up to. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, my children, well, the baby of them, wears a swim diaper.
So do I.
Oh, well, then that's fine.
Which is just a joke.
It's like a diaper that will just not fall apart in the water, I think.
Exactly.
It just won't inflate super big.
Right.
It's just like basically like letting the pee go in the pool.
It gets filled up with pool water
the moment you get in the pool.
I don't know the
exact logic behind a swim diaper.
No, me neither, but once they
perfect it, I'll want one.
Jane,
I'll buy you a gross.
Is that 12 crates?
Yeah, 12 crates.
Yes, please.
Yeah.
In addition to overheard that are written in, we also accept your phone call.
You want to call us.
Our phone number is very easy to remember.
It starts with a one. One. Eight do you know it probably not you're already wrong yeah one
eight six six no triple eight nope one eight hundred nope one nine hundred nope 900. Nope. 8? 8, 8.
4, 4,
1, 8, 4, 4,
5, 3, 9. Nope. 8, 4,
2, 6. Nope.
Do you know it?
No! 1, 8, 7,
Nope.
Oh boy.
1-844-779-7631
or 1-
Ugh.
SpyPod 1, like these people have.
Hi Dave and Graham
and possible guests.
This is John in Rochester, New York,
calling in with an overseen.
I was driving by
a furniture store in town,
and I laughed at its name, which is Johnny Boxspring.
You know what they call me?
Johnny Boxspring.
Because I don't have a mattress?
Yeah, I'm just the bottom part that I guess is necessary,
unless you have a bed that doesn't need one.
Yeah, yeah.
What is the, yeah.
Like box spring, yeah, now that I think of it, what's that all about?
I've only ever had a bed with a bed frame and a box spring and a mattress.
Yeah.
I've never had a bed that's like a proper bed with just a mattress.
I don't have a box spring.
Yeah, you don't need one if you have the right kind of bed, right?
Yeah, I have a. I have a bed frame that's like a nice box spring. Yeah. You don't need one if you have the right kind of bed, right? Yeah.
I have a bed frame that's like a nice bed frame. Yeah. Yeah. Like race
car. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Red.
I bought it because when I was like
shopping for a couch, I decided I didn't want
a couch, so I just bought another bed and
it doesn't have a box spring.
I just have two beds. No, you don't. I do.
I didn't know this about you.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why did you make this? So you is this in your living room? Yeah. Yeah. You just have two beds no you don't i do i didn't know this about you yeah yeah yeah why why did
you make this so you you is this in your living room yeah yeah you just have a bed yeah you have
a one bedroom apartment yeah you have a bed in your bedroom and then in your living room you
have a bed a bed yeah and you watch tv do you have a blanket for it yeah yeah it's got it like a back
and i like i just sit on it like i would sit on a couch. Do you have a fitted sheet on it?
Yeah, yeah.
Like it's not just like.
Yeah, I don't just.
Look.
Ketchup stains, I eat them in the bed.
Yeah, do you have the same bed rules for it?
Like no crackers?
No, no.
Do you have crackers?
Will you eat crackers in your regular bed?
No, no, no.
Oh.
You fucking on it?
Huh?
No.
There's not a bed in town I won't.
That's my rule.
We'll get to the bottom of this.
That's why they call me Johnny Boxford.
There it is.
Hi, this is Alex
from Denton, Texas.
Hello, Dave Cram and guests.
I've gotten overheard
for you. I was working at my
coffee shop and I had a customer
Who wanted to order the big size
Of a drink and said
No, I want the big daddy size
Because I'm a big daddy
And
I had to leave the floor
Because I couldn't laugh
In front of his face
So I made a big daddy Sizesized drink for our Big Daddy today.
And I hope you guys all have a great day.
Off I go.
What do you think a Big Daddy wears?
What kind of clothes?
Oh, suspenders.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like a tucked-in button-up shirt.
Yeah.
Suspenders.
He's got a hanky hanging out of the back pocket.
Sure.
His pants.
He's got to dab his forehead a lot.
Yes.
And this was at a coffee shop.
It wasn't like a Wendy's.
That's what I was picturing too.
Yeah.
I know.
I want a big daddy size.
We don't offer that at a coffee shop.
We just have large or.
Big mama's house
collectible cups.
Was it the
in the hot dog eating contest
he said that
after you're an adult
you only drink black
coffee? Was that right? Yes.
What are your thoughts on that?
It's so weird.
Everything about it.
When you're a kid, you drink decaf or black coffee.
But when you become an adult, it's black coffee.
What?
Yeah, when you were a kid, did you drink decaf?
No, I wish I drank coffee.
I was like bored out of my mind in high school.
Science class was like, who needs this?
Coffee does make things more interesting.
Yeah, I drank coffee in high school.
Do you not now?
Yeah, I will drink it.
Did your dentist ever notice you smoke cigarettes?
Oh, yeah.
Ten seconds in? Yeah. dentist ever notice you smoke cigarettes? Oh, yeah. Ten seconds in?
Yeah.
Why am I not smoking cigarettes if my teeth already feel like they are?
If you go to the doctor and they check out your chest and they also ask, then it's time to start smoking.
Well, I called the doctor and the doctor said, no more monkeys jumping on the bed.
Why do they always say that when you call them?
It's like the one prescription.
Here's your final overheard.
Hi, guys.
This is Katie calling from New Jersey.
I have kind of an overheard that was told to me by my fiance.
His boss's young daughter is going through a phase right now where she describes things
instead of saying the actual thing.
So she'll say, I want to play with something that is round and red.
So as they were leaving the park the other day, they had to pull her away as she was
yelling, I want to do something fun with my bum.
I want to do something fun with my bum.
Because she wanted to go down the slide.
Well, off I go.
My bum goes all the way to the mall? Oh yeah yeah something like that um is the slide fun yeah yeah yeah still fun slide is fun
slide's fun i mean not not as an adult but like it's still fun for kids yeah if it was like a big slide yeah big slide a water
slide is fun oh yeah but then i mean no i've been on one as a grown-up and like i'm talking about a
19 year old and it was not it was like i got that it was fun but it was like my body is too big for
this it's bouncing me around yeah yeah but Yeah. But like slide,
I just think,
I think of hot,
hot slide,
you know?
Oh yeah.
Although a few years ago when we went to Great Wolf Lodge,
I knew you were,
that one slide was so fun,
but it was the kind you are on in a,
you're on an inner tube.
Oh yeah.
Inner tube slide.
Did it go fast or was it like a river going down?
Oh, boy.
It was like, it was back and forth, mostly.
And you bumped it?
It went up and down.
Yeah.
Abby and I went on it so much.
And we went with all our nieces and nephews and they were too small.
We were the only people in the whole family who had fun on water slides that weekend.
Oh, boy. Oh, that's fun. That's a fun on water slides that weekend. Oh, boy.
Oh, that's fun.
That's a fun way to spend a weekend.
Right?
Yeah.
Has the one here opened yet?
There's one coming here?
I thought they were building a great wolf lodge in Surrey.
Oh, man.
I will move there.
I'm going to spend all my free money.
Yeah.
Take it, great wolf lodge. I want to go down the fun money. Yeah. Take it, Great Wolf Lodge.
I want to go down the fun slide.
I want to see a wolf.
I want to see.
When I was there last.
Last.
The only time I went.
When I was there last.
I have the frequent Great Wolf card.
They had in the hotel portion some kind of like Harry Potter ripoff game.
Oh, yes, because you talked about this like right after you did it.
Yeah.
It was like a wizard.
It's like some wizard quest that you.
Oh, the kids love it.
Sure.
And the whole thing is a humid warehouse of piss and chlorine.
Piss and vinegar.
That is what it smells like.
Yeah.
Like, would you go right now if you were in Edmonton of like,
oh, I want to go to West Edmonton Mall and I'm going to go on all the slides there.
Would I go on all the slides at West Edmonton Mall?
Yeah.
Why not?
I'm an adult.
I could do whatever I want.
When was the last time you went though? Oh, when I was a tomorrow? Yeah. Why not? I'm an adult. I can do whatever I want. When was the last time you went, though?
Oh, when I was a kid.
Yeah.
Because the slides aren't so fun when you wear a t-shirt.
Jane.
Yeah.
This is the end of the episode.
This is the end of the line for you.
Yeah.
Get off.
What is coming up? I mean, you're going to be of the line for you. Yeah. Get off. What is coming up?
I mean, you're going to be on Supernatural next season.
Yeah.
For sure.
Playing the role of Demon Jane.
Demon.
I have my album coming out.
Yeah.
In the next month.
In the next month.
I would say, yes.
What's it called?
Have you named it?
Date Night.
Date Night.
It's a picture of me and Hoffman, my other dog.
Yeah. Almost just facing each other. I was me and Hoffman, my other dog. Yeah.
Almost just facing each other.
I was going to say kissing, but it's not.
And it's you, it's called date night because you put dates in a Northern African salad.
Yep.
Raisins, dates.
That's a real sweet salad.
Carrots.
What are you feeling?
Dry cranberries.
I don't like them, but I put them in that salad.
Do you like them? I put them in that salad Do you like them
I think they're fine
I think
But calling them craisins
Makes them seem crazier
Than they are
Yeah
And more fun
Yeah
And by proxy more fun
They're kind of fun
Come on
If you were a child
And Halloween
You got them
Would you think they were fun
No
But I wouldn't want
Any salad ingredient
I got sunflowers.
Maybe croutons.
Yeah.
Croutons would be good.
That's a good rule of thumb.
No salad ingredients on Halloween.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So your album's going to come out.
It's going to be everywhere.
You're going to be able to get it on iTunes.
Everywhere.
I'm going to sell it on the streets.
I'm going to be doing it.
Oh, yeah.
Like a mistake.
Our listeners are on the internet.
Will it be on the internet?
It will be, but I want to sell it on the street more.
Yeah, well, you can do whatever you want.
Thank you.
Thank you very much for being our guest.
Thanks for having me.
So, I don't think, when are we going to announce these shows?
I don't know.
We have to wait for the people that are selling the tickets to announce them?
I guess so, yeah.
But they don't tell us when they're going to do it.
But we for sure...
Here's where we're going to go.
We're not going to tell you the dates or the places because we don't have that information.
We don't.
First, we're going to go back to Toronto, JFL 42.
That's right.
Then we're going to go to Winnipeg.
Yeah.
That's also in late September.
Yeah.
Then early October.
No, wait.
Late September, Vancouver.
Right.
Early October, October 5th, Edmonton.
I think maybe October 4th, Calgary.
Sometime in October.
And then also Saskatoon on that trip.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's all being, all the details.
You got people that are lawyers that are hard at work.
Yeah.
As soon as we can announce the tickets, they will be,
we'll post them at
our Twitter account,
at Stop Podcasting. Yeah.
And right now, you can
buy tickets to Edmonton. That's a thing. Yeah.
The Up and Downtown Festival.
And that's it.
And I'll be in Winnipeg at the
Winnipeg Fringe Festival
at a show venue called Wee Johnnies.
And you can buy tickets online at thewinnipegfringe.com.
And you know what?
It's been a lot of fun.
We've learned a lot here tonight.
If you like the show, please tell your friends.
Come on back next week for another episode.
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