Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 54 - Adam Pateman

Episode Date: March 15, 2009

Comedian Adam Pateman joins us to talk Africa, haircuts, and pitch a reality show.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! All right, everybody. Welcome to episode number 54 here of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark, and joining me as always is the man on whom the character John Connors is based, Dave Shumka. John Connors is the one who led the resistance against the robots in Terminator.

Is it plural? Yeah, there's three of them. John Connors? Isn't it John Connors? I think it's just John Connor. Oh, okay, John Connor. Right, okay, yeah. No, I'm the guy who the character of Jimmy Connors is based on.

Who's Jimmy Connors? Oh, a 70s and 80s tennis star. Oh, who also fought robots. Yeah, oh, he fought robots, like Bjorn Borg. Good start. And our guest today is the intrepid and hilarious two-time guest here on Stop Podcasting Yourself, Mr. Adam Pateman. Thank you for joining us.

No problem. Thanks for having me. It's a real treat, because you were kind of, I think, in our first 20 podcasts? I think he was in our first eight. Yeah, you might have been. I think I may have been number eight. Number eight.

Eight or nine. Wow. Yeah. You look good. Thanks, man. You guys look great too. So far, I'm off to a positive start.

Thanks for coming in. Well, I think this is as good a time as any to play the theme for Get to Know Us. Get to Know Us. All right. Get to Know Us. Adam, so many things have gone on. I mean, it's been a long time.

It's been 46 episodes. Yeah, so you went around the world i did yeah you went and you saw places i did tell us in short what was your favorite thing that you did please keep it short i will i'll keep it very short we find other cultures depressing it was a huge trip am i right i did go on a very long trip through uh west africa yeah did you kiss the rains down in Africa? Did I kiss the rains? No. Is that the line? Isn't that it? You might be missing the mark on a few things. I can't confirm.

So it's not John Connors and it's not kiss the rain. So John Connors never kissed the rain down in Africa. It's not kiss the rain? Are you sure? I'm not sure. Is it Toto? It's definitely Toto. Okay, so I'm one for three. I know this song is about rosanna arquette uh i don't even mean by kiss the rains i feel like i've lost on uh oh it's an 80s

song okay there you go see that the theme is well so was i but some reason i absorbed i was a slightly younger child though a little younger but still I think I absorbed a pop culture that was not meant for you. You absorbed the rain down in Africa. That's what it is. Well, yeah, it was good. I mean, well, it was good and bad. I guess the long story short, because I'll keep it short. I'm joking.

You take your time. Well, I got there. I was supposed to go on this three-month trip through Africa from like north to south, going from Tangier to Cape Town, which is a huge, gigantic trip. But we made it just across the Sahara. I got down to the coast, and then we're done. Because the guy running the trip turned out to be a moron. I thought you were about to say Mormon. No, no, no.

So we went home. We wanted a coffee. It was just so badly organized. It was really fun. There was amazing places we went. But this guy was such an idiot. And we literally had to starve for a couple days because he didn't think to put more gas in this. Starving in Africa?

Yeah. We really lived it. You broke the mold. Because it wasn't an organized trip. It was just this guy like, I have a bus. My, I know. We really lived it. You broke the mold. Yeah, because it wasn't like an organized trip. It was just this guy like, I have a bus. My brother owns it. And then we had this kind of mutiny against it. We didn't murder him.

But we... You had like a civil mutiny. Yeah, and then he just left one day. We woke up one morning and he's like, he went back to Russia because he knocked up one of his students there before he left. And he was like 39 and this girl was like 21. And there's so many layers to this.

So he knocked up this student in Siberia and she was engaged to someone who wasn't him. And she's keeping the baby. And her fiancé. In and her fiance baby keeps you and her fiance was in the military so there's all these layers of like whoa what a bad situation but red army luckily he left and there's a couple other people on the bus that were just really horrible like racist racist people in africa whoa it You did. You got the full African experience. You had a little starvation, a little racism. Yeah.

So, yeah, there was a little Russian intervention. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, what else can you ask for? But, yeah, so there was good parts. And there was just like jerks on the trip. I spent two months on a bus with a couple jerks. But I met some people that were like lifelong friends now. But these other people just happened to be this like, you know.

How many people were on this bus? 14 to start. And then slowly people started leaving. Like all the best people on the trip too. So we got stuck with this girl from Boston named Rachel. She'll come up later, I'm sure. I wonder if she listens. Boston named Rachel.

She'll come up later, I'm sure. I wonder if she listens. When you say bus, there's so many things that this can conjure. Are we thinking kind of like a hippie Woodstock style bus? Are we thinking school bus? Are we thinking something more industrial? What are we talking about? It was a British... From the bus industry?

No, you know, like the bus industry no you know like uh something uh mad max ish you know maybe not having windows but some sort of metallic sure you know shutters or something definitely nothing awesome it was a ford transit it was like a british van and it was it was like a minivan it's not a minivan it was like a van van but a brand van 3000 yeah it was that whatever that is you were not too young to absorb brand van 3000 baby i see you i'm getting a lot there's things going over my head here they were drinking in la oh okay and nothing else else. So you and your father and 13 other people? 14 other people? Yeah.

Or 14 including you? 14 including everybody. You, your father, and a dozen. Yes. So all in a van across Africa. And what I can only imagine was the blazing heat. For a big chunk of it, it was blazing heat. Jesus Christ.

We ate some camels we we ate a lot of goat i ate pigeon i'm pretty sure because he said it was chicken but it was tiny like these wings were not chicken sized and it had bits of newspaper in it yeah that's how you know yeah uh you ate a camel uh not a whole one but i ate parts of one for sure how did what's the what's the flavor on uh on a camel uh super curious it's just like beef it's like beef wow you never hear that you never hear something's like beef it's always like chicken it's always like chicken yeah it was it was it was like a red meat but it was like it was just like imagine like really overcooked stir-fry beef like that's pre-stripped stuff you get from Safeway. That's kind of like how it came.

It was really good though. I was really surprised at how good it was. So is Africa so plentiful in camels that it's that you can get camels? Where I was, yeah, there's lots of camels. There's an insane number of goats. What is an insane number of goats?

Imagine more goats! Here's an actual story. Oh, this wasn't goats, but this did. You'd see herds of goats. You'd have to stop. We'd have to stop the bus and wait for literally 75 goats to cross the street. That'd be like an insane goat posse. It's a gaggle. Exactly the number was a gaggle.

But no, there was when we were in, where was it? I think we were in Nuakchot, this place in Mauritania. Yeah, we know where Nuakchot is. Thank you. All right, the capital of Mauritania. You're pronouncing it wrong. And they just, like all traffic, no, sorry, it was in Bamako, but whatever. All traffic stopped in the middle of the city just so that these combination of cows and goats would just go through.

Like, imagine, like, Robson and Granville, just, like, cows. Like, 400 cows walking through. I can during the summer when the tourists come here. Hello! Wow, that was good. We were on top of that one. You guys broke the microphones That was a little bit of morning radio

So You made it back In one piece There was a part of me worried that I wouldn't People kept I had to get $800 worth of shots And pills in me So I got yellow fever and all that stuff.

But did you get anything? Yeah, I got yellow fever with a shot. I got food poisoning in Madrid the night before we landed in Africa. So I landed in Africa with food poisoning already. Whoa. Yeesh. That's hard. From a First World airport.

Oh, no, wait. That's what happens when you go to Africa. In Hawaii, you get a lei. And in Africa, you get food poisoning. Yeah. It's part of their custom. So you didn't just go. You went to Africa.

But then didn't you also somehow ended up in New York at a point? Yeah, the cheapest place to fly from Ghana, which is where I ended up finishing my trip, which is really far away from where I was supposed to end. Yeah. So I flew into New York. Wait a minute. How did you get back? How did this resolve itself if the guy that was heading the tour just left and went to

Russia? How did you get back? His brother was still there. He didn't bring the van with him. He didn't drive back to Russia? That's what I'm saying. No, but if he left, did he leave you guys with the bus? Yeah. He didn't drive back to Russia? Is that what you're saying? Give it a jump. If he left, did he leave you guys with the bus?

Yeah, he left us. He didn't tell anybody except for his brother and stuff. So who took over the thing? His brother, Barney. His name was Rufus and his brother's name was Barney. I am not lying about that. Well, if I could make up a name in my 20s, I would go with either Rufus, Barney,

or whatever the stupid African word was you said before. That's right. Nuakchot? Yeah. The stupid word. Jerk. So we continued and we sold the bus in Porto Novo. Stop making up things.

And then we took taxis into three other countries because we didn't have a bus anymore. That's right. We went from country to country in a taxi. What's the fare like on that? I doubt you. To go from one country to another for the first time, we went from Benin to Togo. I think it was like 50 bucks.

Man, you can't even get across. How's... Do you have to show your passport between every country? Or is it just pretend you're a goat? Oh, absolutely. Just going through certain countries you have to show your passport like 35 times in a day.

Mauritania is all military run. Wouldn't it be easier to just pay them off? We did bribe a couple guys. We gave some guy a Hello Kitty stationery so that he would let us go through. You might have just bribed yourself into jail by doing that. No, no, no. Like, see, they just go up. They all say, like, what is it?

What is it French for present? Is it cadeau or gâteau? I've already forgotten. Cadeau. Gâteau is cake. Yeah, exactly. But they're both birthday related. So they got mixed up. And drapeau is flag. Oh, exactly. They're both birthday related. So I got mixed up.

And Drapo is flag. Oh, so they ask you for a present. Yeah, he says like present, present, and that just means bribe. He's like, I'll let you through if you give me something. But we kept giving bribes all day. We gave one guy 10 liters of diesel, and we gave some other guy a bottle of wine. A cake. And then this guy was like, we're all out of the good stuff.

So all we had was these Hello Kitty post-it notes. And we gave them to him. And he kind of looked at it and he just went, all right. He let us go through. He was super grateful. So, yeah. Oh, that's funny. I'm going to try that the next time somebody asks me for a bribe.

Especially a little Japanese girl. That won't let me through her border. Or Lisa Loeb. Give them 10 liters of diesel. What's that mean? That's a phenomenal... I mean, I'm sure there's stories galore.

What was your favorite thing that happened on the whole trip? We went to this place called Dogan Country in Mali. There's very little electricity there at all. It's just the most amazing uh community ever because i i i didn't know anything about where any of the places i was going to and dogan country is this place that you know people all want all over the world want to go to to check out they've got their own language they've got their own society and everything and it was just fantastic did your dad know about it how do how do you know about it because he's smart and reads books so he brought you to this place and it where do you stay

in a place that doesn't have electricity or a language that you can understand uh we slept on the roofs they probably have to learn english you slept on the roofs of buildings and people were cool with you sleeping on the roofs of their building oh yeah we were paying to do it like two bucks each to sleep on their roof. And that was actually where I was when... Don't you get eaten by mosquitoes or something if you sleep on somebody's roof? Not there. That wasn't very mosquito-heavy territory. The further south we went, it got

really, really mosquito-heavy and I had to take malaria medication and stuff, which is the worst thing in the world. Oh, I had to take that too. Where'd you go? You drink that? The stuff you drink? No, I didn't. No, I had to take these pills. Where'd you go? Did you drink that? The stuff you drank? No, I didn't. No, I had to take these pills. I took like the...

Dave just takes it here in Vancouver. Just for yucks. When it goes to yuck, yeah. When it goes to yuck, yeah because he takes the malaria medication. No, I had to take the stuff

that were... If I drank like a beer, it would make me fall asleep. Malarone. Everybody else was on this awesome stuff called Larium, which apparently gives you insane dreams.

You wake up the next morning and it's like you had an acid trip all night. Wow. So I didn't get to have that. Sounds nice. I mean, for them, not for you. But you didn't get malaria. You didn't get yellow fever. No, man.

You didn't get shot. And you didn't become president of one of the countries. So you did okay. Did you know it was Christmas? Welcome back to the country. You got back not that long ago. Yeah, I got back in the end of December from the whole big kit and caboodle trip. In the scheme of things, that's not that long ago.

Tell that to a tree, they would say. Because they've seen the world. Dave. Graham. Me. What? What's going on with you? What is going on with me?

I went to Victoria again, and apparently your friend saw me at a white spot again. Yeah, because that's all you do. You go to Victoria, and you eat at a white spot. Two for two on the white spot. Bad situations. Very upsetting food. I mean, white spots they don't make anything good.

They're not pretending to be good. Oh, I guess in their commercials they're pretending to be good. Oh, they're definitely pretending that they're good. But they're not fooling anyone. You, maybe. It was packed. No, it's because the white spot's the only place that was within a walking distance from the hospital. So that's why we went there to eat.

And it was terrible. That's twice. It's two weeks back to back. What'd you get this time? This time I got a small pizza thing. Okay, so that's like a big pizza but littler? Yeah, and it was gross. Okay, so that's like a big pizza, but littler? Yeah, and it was gross. It was like eating a

pancake that they were pretending was a pizza. Like if somebody made a pancake and then they just threw sauce and cheese on it. It's a new food, so they're just trying it out. It's exotic. Yeah. I like how White Spot has this menu where there's no theme to it at all. It's just like,

Thai chicken, burgers, tacos. It's just like Thai chicken, burgers, tacos. It's just all over the place. It's horrible. Yeah, but they're lousy at all of it. I know. It's not like, oh, when you go to White Spot, you should probably just get the burger. Their burgers are okay. No.

Their burgers are bad. When you're at the restaurant they are, if you go to one of those White Spot trip-a-lots, if you go to the ferry It's delicious on the ferry Shut up Why am I wrong? The fries are good Try the fries

That's what vegetarians have to do I had the veggie burger On the ferry going over And it was gross So how do you count for that? I don't know. Try a meat burger. Try the camel.

Yeah. Yeah, well, that fixed my wagon. So that, and then also, I don't know. I'm trying to think of what else happened this week. I got an awesome crick in my neck, so that's something. Do you? Yeah. Do you go to a physiotherapist?

I have... My doctor recommended it and wrote me up a little prescription thing or something to give the physiotherapist. I never went, though. So you just have an ongoing crick in your neck? That was a different thing. The crick in the neck was just from sleeping on it weird. Yeah, I have a crick in the neck that went was a different thing. The crick in the neck was just from sleeping on it weird. Yeah, I have a crick in the

neck that went away. Now it's come back. And it was not welcome back. I told it to hit the road when last we parted ways. Right. But now it's back again. And aside from that, um... It's tough to parallel park with a crick in your neck.

Yeah, I don't have a car, so that makes it easier on me. The old cliche, I'm guessing. It's hard to parallel park with a crick in your neck. It's a reference that you didn't get. My grandmother used to say it. It's a song from the 80s. Child.

I don't, yeah, I've just, it's been all work and no play makes Graham something something. Graham's working very hard. Yeah. For the money. Yeah, well, yeah, I guess. Some money. And also, I want to get my hair cut. But the last time I went and got my hair cut, it turned out okay.

Okay. So you are a gentleman who usually wears a hat. Your onstage persona is Graham Bearded Hatman. Yeah. Correct. But on TV, you... Now I'm all no hat. You're no hat.

It's verboten. But you... And you don't like the look of your hair. It's going... It's not bald enough to pull a Statham, in my opinion. But you don't like the look of your hair. It's not bald enough to pull a Statham, in my opinion. But it's almost there. Your brother has pulled a Statham. Ages ago.

Looks great. But my brother is also buff like Statham, so it works out well. I don't want people to see me with a shaved head and think that I'm ill. That's the main concern. Well, if you go in for... You're getting your haircut this weekend. Yes. Your hair is not long. No.

But it's... Well, maybe I can hang on for another week. Yeah, but you can't have anything done to it. Yes, but you can have it done badly. That's the thing. You cannot have anything done to it to make it look good, but you can have something done to it to make it look terrible. This I've learned from experience.

You can get it stylized somehow. You can get it textured. That's all I can say. Get some lines shaved in the side. Yeah. Or a swear word. Exactly. Those are all good

considerations, and I'm glad we had this round table. I once was getting my haircut and I told my hairdresser, why don't you shave a swear word in the back? And she got so excited. And then I told her I was joking. Here's a question sort of hair-wise.

There was pictures on the internet this week of Gavin Rossdale. G. Ross. Gwen Stefani's husband. Shooting a music video in which he was shirtless. And he's quite a skinny man. What's the point? He has a tuft of chest hair.

But just a tuft. And that's it. But is it thick in the middle? You're pointing at one part of your torso. Right. Has he got it just over his right pectoral? Is it thick? Yes.

It's thick. It's noticeable. But why? Do you know what I mean? It would only take one waxing strip to be done with it. There's no hair elsewhere on him. It doesn't add anything. I asked Erica at work, is this

something that ladies approve of? She said no. I think if you had like a cellic, you know? Like just a straight across hairy chest. Sure. But just a little tuft. If it's lopsided, if it throws off your symmetry,

you've got to do something about it. Yeah, okay. Any lady bumpers out there, feel free to comment. Tell us about your feelings on Gavin Rossdale's chest hair. Chest hair in general. I'm not talking like a beautiful chest of hair.

Chest of hair. It's like a chest of drawers, only way more manly. If you have a chest of hair. Chest of hair. It's like a chest of drawers, only way more manly. If you have a chest of hair, say like, I think Statham's got a pretty good chest of hair. Or does he wax? No, no, no. He's got a chest of hair. He's full boar.

B-O-A-R. But like a little tuft to me on the chest is like a little tuft on the head It's clowny The little island So you just like shave that clean And then you're on your way Gwen Stefani Singer

Ain't no hollaback girl Love angel music baby Lamb She is coming to Vancouver with her band Ain't no hollaback girl. Ain't no hollaback girl. Love angel music, baby. Lamb. She is coming to Vancouver with her band, The No Doubts. You keep looking over at me like I'm not going to understand these references. We don't know where the stuff... What's the cutoff of reference for that? Is today the cutoff?

Unbelievable. The Without Doubts. She's coming to GM Place, the 20,000 seat stadium, arena. Her husband, Gwen Stefani Jr., Gavin Rossdale,

is coming to the Red Robinson Show Theater. No! Yes. So is he coming with or without Bush? Without Bush. but with a little bush oh irresistible um wow so that's uh i want i i haven't checked the dates but i wonder if they're like touring at the same time and she's doing the big gigs and he's doing the casinos. What do you think it's like if it's in a marriage? None of us in this room have been married. That I know of.

Regrets in Africa. Oops. If one of the two is so much more successful and they're both in the same field i mean i don't think it would matter if you know gwen stefani was awesome at pop music and her husband was an astrophysicist yeah like i think he'd be like well i'm fine with that her level of success allows me to contemplate the wonders of the universe i've got my own harajuku girls. Yeah, exactly. But do you know what I mean? That's got to be a stress.

Yeah, if I was Gavin Rossdale, I would be the stay-at-home dad a la the comic strip Adam. At home. Isn't it called Adam at home now? Oh, is it now? With an ampersand. At symbol, at home. I think it's called an ampersand. Oh, at home. I think it's called an ampersand. Oh, is it an ampersand?

No, ampersand is an and. No, no, an ampersat. Anything you shorten like an ampersplus. Ampers is just a guy who made up shortening. Is that? Like Crisco. Dave? I don't believe a single word he says. No, you is just made up too it's well half of them are um dave let's get to know you what's

going on with you well uh this week uh and this past weekend i saw a movie that you saw last week called the watchman yes have you seen it no i was I was going to see it. Everyone tells me it's bad, but I think it looks good. That's interesting. And I'm still going to see it because those people were wrong about everything. How many people did you talk to who said it was bad? Three. Yeah, that's interesting because I don't know how anybody could come away with it saying it was bad. Yeah.

I'm not a fan of the genre but it was fine it was good it was long was uh my dad's movie review about it uh spot on yeah yeah i would i actually was thinking about there's a guy a character in it who has a big blue penis yeah he's naked the almost the entire film his name's Blue Penis. And I was wondering if they had to wear a CGI blue penis body suit or if they had to draw dots on Billy Crudup's penis. Here's what is crazy, because I was talking to somebody who was in it, who was cut from the movie. He played a reporter in it, a local guy named Ken.

And he was telling me that he was on set the same day they were shooting a scene with Dr. Manhattan. And the entirety of it, it's a new technology. And it was all, that character was entirely CG.

So that character, like, Billy Crudup was the one playing him, but the actual what you're seeing is all CG. Yeah, it's a big wolf. But it doesn't look like CG. The thing is it looks like a guy who maybe was wearing green paint and they put effects on him. But that's one of those things where in like 10 years' time,

you're going to look back and be like, oh, that's totally CG. Because when I saw Jurassic Park, I was like, those fucking dinosaurs are real. And now they are definitely not and the thing that also you've grown up to the point that you know that they weren't exactly with the cgi characters they always have dead eyes they just made his eyes have no pupils and also there was there was the thing was cheating on's like cheating on us. He had lights. The character... The guy who played the character, Billy Crudup, had lights on him so that when people were close to him...

The character, Dr. Manhattan, glows. So when people are close to him, that is actual light that's on their person. That apparently is one of the things that's very hard to fake with CG. That's one of the giveaways. When you see it, you'll be really amazed. Oh, I can't wait for you to see it. I can't wait to see it either. You know what? Those people

that are telling me that these movies are bad that always end up being really good, they can go... Can I say fuck themselves? Yeah, they can go fuck themselves. If you think you can get away with it. There are a couple things I noticed about the movie that I didn't like. And you're going to say, oh, but that was in the comic book.

It's okay. I'll give it a pass. That thing they do in movies, that Forrest Gump thing, where they're affecting or they're part of historical stuff. Oh, you're talking about right in the opening credits? Well, stuff. Oh. You're talking about right in the opening credits? Well, stuff like that. Yeah, the opening credits where the one guy's

standing outside Studio 54. Andy Warhol paints one of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also Lee Iacocca gets shot in the head. The funny thing is none of that is in the comic book oh really yeah that that's the weird part about it is that element that's in the beginning they do the very kind of uh like you say it's a very forrest gump kind of thing or even like a benjamin button thing like uh they age backwards yeah or you or they're at a party and they're like, those movies that do that, like,

you have to listen to this great guitar player. I think his name is Jimi Hendrix. James Hendrickson? I think John Buehler was talking about that on this very podcast when he was on a long time ago. Hey, Beethoven, why just four symphonies? How about one more? So, but that's weird because that stuff is not in the comic book.

And then the director, I think, thought that was a keen addition. The director, the one other thing I noticed, the director is the guy who directed The 300. The 300s. Yep. Starring Tom Arnold. Oh, Manifoli. That would have been so much better of a movie. It was still good, but it would have just been fantastic.

Yeah, yeah, it's true. That movie soundtrack is all ridiculous, over-the-top, heavy metal guitar noises with a techno beat. They didn't do that in this movie, except in this one prison break scene. Oh, yeah, yeah. It went very techno-y in that scene. Here's the thing.

There's one part in it, and it's pretty unanimous with everybody I know that's seen it. And we're doing our best not to do any spoilers. Alright, thank you. I'm not. I'm going to spoil it so soon. But there's a sex scene that does happen in the comic book and does happen

in the movie. But in the comic book it's one panel. They're kissing, then it cuts to the after effect. In the movie it's the entire song of Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen. Really? Yeah. It's the entire...

It was pretty intense for 300. That sex scene that they have for 300, it threw everybody off. And then it was like, there was a sex scene in... Oh, fuck, what? Oh, it was Matrix Part 2 or 3, or was it? Maybe 2. Where it's just out of nowhere. They throw in this sex scene where everyone's like this underground rave thing in the future.

Oh, yeah. That's right. I think that's hilarious when they do that. In this sex scene, they switch positions. There's close-ups. Is it clumsy, though? No, it's smooth. No, it's smooth.

But yeah, they do more than one... There's face close-ups. But when I saw the movie, there was a guy who was in his late 30s with his 11-year-old daughter. Oh, what? Where's he going? He brought his 11-year-old daughter.

I'm ballparking. I didn't ask her age. And during the sex scene, he covered her eyes. Oh, that's weird. He did the reach over. But did he cover his own eyes? No. What's wrong with you?

I think it would be a good example. You cover your daughter's eyes and then yours as well. We're both not allowed to see. She can't tell. But the movie has so many brutal violent things. It's a very violent, dark film.

And he didn't cover her eyes for any of that. Yeah. It's a strange thing because it really is like the first ever superhero movie that i was like a friend asked me i got it like a 14 year old kid and i was like i don't i don't think so i don't think this is appropriate it's really it's really dark would be fine i she was a little young but like it's um abby and i were talking about like this guy who brought his daughter and and we assumed it was like a single dad who's like either trying to get back at his

ex-wife that's right or rude or he was like made a fake phone call to the movie theater like oh jonah's brothers is sold out we gotta go see Watchmen. Or, third alternative, which is way more disturbing, that she really wanted to see the movie and hired a homeless man to take her. Like in some part of the movie. And then the homeless man suddenly got like a stroke of conscience

and was like, no, don't watch this part. I don't want you to spoil it for you. Have you ever done that where there's a kid at a comedy show, too, where they just show up? Or we've done a show and... Yeah, that's happened actually a couple times. It's weird. It always throws off comics so much where it's like they can't function.

Well, it only throws you off if you really think... I think any parent that brings their kid to a comedy show, either the kid is together enough to handle it, or the parents are deadbeatish enough to not care if you're

throwing out stuff that's going to ruin that kid forever. Either way, I feel you're in a safety zone. I don't think the parents can ever call you on being too vulgar at a comedy show that they brought their kid to. Well, I agree. We're just making these kids grow up faster. Well, I think the media beat us to that by miles.

I think that all cap classes should bring in their grade 9 class to come and watch a comedy show. Here's the thing I don't understand. It's one of the dirtiest comics possible. Tell me if you think this is the craziest thing, but don't you think teenagers would love to... You know how bands will have all-ages shows? Do you not think that teenagers will come to a comedy show

if it was an all-ages show? That's a good call. I think they would. But I think they could. There's some places where they could. Yeah, but I think a teenager can't get into like a Yuck Yucks or Laugh Lines because they're a licensed establishment.

It's very rare. I think when at a theater show, you see a lot of teenagers like at a Patton Oswalt or something like that. That may be a completely untapped market. That's a good call. Maybe we should just tour high schools and kick-tackle. I don't want to go in high schools.

I want them to come to me. We'll do Sealand Hall, where all the teenagers go. That's a very specific reference. I'm switching gears. I'm doing it now. Yeah, I didn't get it, but I'm pretending I did. Sealand Hall. That's North Van. Do you guys want to do some overheards?

Yes please Overheard Overheards As is our tradition In our small town of Togo Togo City Togo You remembered that it was in Togo. Togo City, Togo. You brought it back.

You remembered that it was in Togo. Adam, will you do us the pleasure of starting the overheards? Oh, yeah, perfectly. I'll do it perfectly. You better now. Absolutely is what I meant to say. The one that I really wanted to bring up

was actually totally tied in with this trip that I was on. There was this girl from Boston named Rachel. I remember from before. I told you I'd bring her up again. From Southie? Here's her backstory.

How did she like them outfits? Yeah. I understand now. Yeah. I knew you would. That's a good movie. That's a good movie. Is it?

I liked it. You know what? Go back and watch it again. We're talking about the movie Patch Adams. Yeah. Starring Matt Damon as an idiot savant doctor with a clown nose.

Anyways. Is it idiot savant or is it... I think you're supposed to say savant now. Yeah, just savant. Because idiot... Is implied? Well, no, it's autistic savant now. Yeah, just savant. Because idiot is implied? Well, no, it's autistic savant.

But he wasn't that either. What if they're just an idiot? He was just some guy. No, he couldn't remember his identity. Right. That's what you're thinking. The born savant. Okay, so this Boston girl, Rachel, she was this born-again Christian girl who had the filthiest

mouth i've ever oh i like this yeah and uh so i fucking love christ uh yeah don't steal my like so she would but she was rude and malicious and mean and this terrible person but it would be so fun to just like listen to what she was talking about because it was always ridiculous and this is something like she would not ever say god uh because like that was wrong right before again but she was she'd say fucking all the time so uh i overheard one time her say uh oh she had a Boston accent too, so this is what she said. She said, oh my gosh, what a fucking retard. And that was my favorite quote of the whole trip.

Oh my gosh, what a fucking retard. Oh my gosh, what a fucking retard. Who was she talking about? God. Some guy running this hotel who was living off nothing. It was really bad. It was really mean. Well, he should know better.

Yeah. Yeah, because this guy didn't speak American or whatever. He was like, everyone's speaking French, so he was an idiot. It's funny that somebody would go to the length of going to Africa. Obviously somebody who's trying to experience other things in the world and then close their mind. Like get there and then just be like, fuck it. I don't get it.

Yeah, I never understood why she went. That's crazy. Because you meet those people everywhere you go. And you're like, well, you expanded. You opened your mind up this far you're trying to find yourself and then you just hate yourself yeah because like i was i remember uh over the summer i was in vienna and i was in a a wonderful museum and there were these two american tourists yeah they were just bored with everything i'm like you came to Vienna. You made the conscious decision to go in this wonderful museum

to stand amongst these beautiful works that were done during the Renaissance and hate them. And be like, let's get a coffee. And I was like, well, how did you get to this point? And I try to stick up for Americans because it's... Oh, it's not just Americans. Canadians are just as bad.

But on, like, this trip, they happened to be, like, three Americans that were just horrible, racist people that had no reason to be on this trip. That's insane. Yeah. That's insane. I know. I don't get it. Dave, overheards? Okay.

Overheards are these things that we overhear. We haven't explained that for about 53 episodes. A couple nights ago, there was an incident outside of my house. There was a girl. I'd say all the people in the story are about 20 the girl's about 20 she's with two guys one is apparently her boyfriend

and I heard yelling and it was happening right outside my front window so I opened up my blinds and apparently everyone in my neighborhood was watching this happen there was yelling and the guy kept yelling And apparently everyone in my neighborhood was watching this happen. There was yelling and the guy kept yelling,

Stop punching me in the face! Because this girl kept punching him in the face. And she was mad because, from what I gathered, all he wanted to do was smoke weed and play with his iPod all day. I like you did the quotes, too. I did air quotes. Which are very audible. Yeah. Quote, smoke weed, end quote, end quote, play with his iPod all day, end quote.

But so she kept punching him in the face. So she kept punching him in the face. And he finally, like, I wouldn't say she didn't give him any options. But from where I was watching, it was going to end with him assaulting her. Oh, yeah. He grabbed her and pushed her to the ground. And that man's name was Chris Brown. And now you know the rest of the story.

And then everyone came out of the house. I was like, should I call 911? But then people started coming out of their houses. And there's always cops in our neighborhood anyway, because it's not the best neighborhood. So anyway, the cops come. So these people that were coming out of their houses, they're wearing pajama pants, perhaps an undershirt. It wasn't that late. I was in pajamas.

But it was in the 9 o'clock hour. It was opposite judging Amy. What were these people who were coming out of their house going to do? Just, like... Intercede? Because this guy was just trying to get out of the situation. He certainly treated her rougher than he should have. There's no excusing what he did. Anyway, so the cops come, and she is yelling at the cops after they've sorted through everything.

And she is trying to get them to leave so she can just... Keep punching them. Basically, the overheard is, leave me alone. I just keep punching basically the overheard is leave me alone I just want to beat the shit out of them that's fantastic your honor in truth

I did just want to beat the shit out of them that was a great all around story yeah well in a colorful neighborhood you notice the graffiti on the street outside my house literally on the road story. Yeah, well, I live in a colorful neighborhood. You notice the graffiti on the street outside my house, literally on the road, the asphalt.

In bronze spray paint it says, sex with bitches. Out here? Yeah. Why? Why not? Who else would you have sex with? Nice slave. This is the only option, apparently.

Graham, do you have an overheard? I do. But also, when you were telling that story, I realized during the Get to Know Us portion, I forgot the best story that happened to me this week. I totally blanked on it. But I did talk about it on the TV show. It involved my roommate.

It's mostly my... I'm going to give it to my roommate. It's his story. Because I only was peripherally... I was only involved in the last half of it. But what had happened was I woke up the other morning. I wake up quite early. And I walk out of my room

and my roommate comes out. He's very excited or scared about something. I don't know which. But very wild. Adrenaline was pumping. Yes. And I was like, oh, and you're not ready for that first thing in the morning. So it was very, like, what's going on?

Is something on fire? Are we getting evicted? Like, it was that type of thing. And he's like, come, come, come here. And we go to the back door, and he pulls up the blinds, and on our back, we've got back steps. On the back steps, there's two raccoons having sex. On the back steps. And I've never seen that before, not even in a nature documentary.

So I've never seen raccoons having sex before. And it's very slow. What quote-unquote style would you say that he was? Joggy, but raccoony. More with the tail off to the side. But this was the thing. We opened the door because Sean wanted to get a picture, and they both stared at us, and they kept going.

The guy kept humping her, but they were both staring at us the whole time you're gonna haunt their dreams and vice versa and uh and the line that we had a lot of fun with was that we were both so tired that we had uh rings under our eyes so they just thought that we were we were like swingers i uh i saw you tell that story on your TV show. And I thought, oh, that's not really the format of your TV show. That's more podcast material. Got a little bit jealous. Because I told that story in the morning.

They're like, oh, you've got to tell it on the show. And I was like, it doesn't really fit in with the show. But it's one of those things where it's never, I mean, that's never going to happen twice. I hope. I mean, you know so i mean i guess i could chalk that up to an overseen but sure but i do have an overheard do it and all it was was a girl's i don't know what the pretext was i assume that they were talking about synchronized swimming because then all i heard was already great they should have synchronized swimming because then all I heard was

they should have synchronized dancing. They do. It's called dancing. It's called dancing with the stars. It's called normal events. It's called what exists already. We, uh, this is

actually, it's feast or famine with us apparently with the overheards. This week, we have a ton of them that people called in. So we're just going to listen to a few of them. But thanks, everyone. Yeah, thanks for calling in. Our number, in case you're interested in calling in with an opinion, with an overheard, whatever you want to do, is 206-339-8328. 206-339-TEAT. 206-339-TEAT.

T-E-A-T. Really? Hey, guys. This is Brennan calling from Western Massachusetts. Got an overheard for you. I was in the dining hall a couple days ago, and I heard these two guys talking. All I heard of their conversation was one guy said, oh man, you remember that funeral? And the other guy responded,

oh yeah man, that was the worst. We saw the fattest guy there. Alright, hold the show. That was the worst. If you're at a funeral and there's a fat guy there, that's depressing.

I'm here to mourn my grandfather. You're tough ass. Yeah, shape up. All right, here's one. Hey, this is Zach in Phoenix, and I got an overheard. I was on the inter-campus shuttle,

and I was overheard a fellow student's conversation. I don't remember much, but the one part I do remember hearing was on her cell phone she said, You got paid? You could have had deer meat for a year in the freezer. So what does that even mean? I think it means that she she got two offers you can either take cash or you tear me in a year a year worth of venison wow man well we know that she made the

wrong choice yeah everyone knows ah fuck that fucks up my whole fridge planned. Alright, this is one from a former guest. Jason Bryden. Hilarious comedian Jason Bryden. Is now living in Los Angeles. He's bi-coastal. He's LA and Vancouver. Holly weird. La La Land, am I right?

Like your little... Like Pee Wee Herman. Hey, you guys. It's JB calling from Los Angeles. I've got a couple overheards. I've been writing them down diligently, and I've just located your phone number, so I thought I'd pass them along.

Number one, I overheard two guys working out at the gym, and first guy says to the second guy, first guy's got platinum blonde hair, by the way, very arresting. And he says to the other guy, I've come to accept that when I bleach my hair, my scalp is going to hurt for a good 24 hours. And I mean hurt, like I almost pass out. And then his friend asks, why do you do it?

And he responds, I like the way it looks. I thought that made sense. Do you want to pause and react? Yeah, so good. Because this is the thing, this is hurt in L.A., right? Right. That is the type of conversation that happens i i was only in la for like 10 days and on my second day i listened to a

full-blown conversation about a guy's lats yeah i think we heard that yeah so it's that's a thing that happens so that's that's amazing that he's... You don't have to be at the gym either. You just have to be around guys who go to the gym because they talk about it outside of the gym. All right, we'll carry on. Oh, this one's unbelievable. I promise you it's true. I was sitting in the car waiting for David Miltred, actually, who was in the liquor store,

and two guys, two homeless dudes, pushing a cart past the car on the sidewalk, and I heard one guy say to the other one, I want you to lick my balls hard. I'm joking. I don't know if you would. Can you lick hardly? Cats can do it because they got the tongues for it.

That's true. That's incredible. But you know, I don't want that. That's not something I want. I want to be linked hard. Okay. And one more. Look at me, medium.

And finally, my last one. I overheard my dad say to me on the phone, JB, while you're down in LA, are you ever tempted to get into the skin flicks for some quick cash? I was flattered that not many people know me as well as he does.

And for him to think that I could make it in porn. I don't know. I thought that was nice. I stuck that in my self-esteem pipe, and I smoked it. Thanks, you guys. Love the show, and I look forward to seeing you in the spring. Bye. Aw, Jason Bryden.

You don't need to resort to skin flicks. There's no way. Yeah, you're slightly better than that. Oh, and congratulations on his upcoming nu no way. Yeah, you're slightly better than that. And congratulations on his upcoming nuptials. Yeah, his engagement. To be married to a lady. Nice. Good for him. Now, the, uh,

do your dads know you well enough? Well, he says his dad knows him better than anyone in the world. My dad doesn't know anything about my genitals, though. Well, maybe you're the weird one. High five! Yeah, because I do that thing, you know,

where you put the pencil on the wall every day you come home for Christmas. It's a horizontal chart. On the sideways door jam. Exactly. On the sideways door jam. Exactly. On the dumb waiter. Great overheards. We do have, there's something, I was going to bring it up earlier.

A listener, it's not an overheard, but a listener had a, they wanted advice. Okay. Oh, really? She wanted advice. From us?, really? She wanted advice. From us? Yeah. Who are we to give advice? Hey, boys.

It's Lauren from Cincinnati. And I've been trying to plan my future recently. And it seems like Vancouver is probably kind of a nice place, at least, to visit. I go on a lot of internships for school, and I was wondering if you had any thoughts on the fashion industry in Vancouver and whether it is a place that I should do an internship, and if you had any connections, because I don't know where to go,

and you guys are my only contacts in Canada. So let me know. Now, Cincinnati, hey, where you guys are really branching out Tom yep I got the listeners from everywhere

maybe if you ever wondered wonder whatever began with me got it um let's help her out I uh

I'm trying to think we did on our drive over here when I picked Gray up we saw a woman wearing pajamas

that happens a lot there's a lot. There's a lot of people wearing Crocs. Yeah, I would say, I would go out on a limb and say that Vancouver is probably one of the most unfashionable cities in Canada. It's pretty dead on. Really, Canada? The world? it's pretty dead on really canada the world we're like so many steps behind you know like paris always starts it all and then new york comes in second and then it's like and then vancouver wears uh crocs to a restaurant yeah here's the thing this is the the problem. We'll mix it up. It was Lauren, right? From Cincinnati.

Lauren, if you would like to come to Canada for fashion, I think I wouldn't be way off when I say that the fashion capital of Canada is probably Montreal. She could save this place, though. She could bring it here. Yeah, certainly. Toronto, yes. though. She could bring it here. Yeah, certainly. Toronto, yes, but Montreal has a lot of places

that actually produce fashions there. Dirty looking girls. We did start Lululemon, though. That's true. There are certainly companies here. There are a lot of local labels and

people who run their own shops and produce their own stuff out of Vancouver. It's true. Yeah, and there are quite a few. Toronto has fashion television. Yeah, that's true. It's a whole channel. Vancouver has also been featured on fashion television. Right, that's true.

Every third episode. If you're from Cincinnati, you're probably used to fairly inclement weather, right? It snows in Cincinnati, I imagine, quite a bit. I picture constant overcast, just straight up overcast. What would be your advice, Dave? My sister used to work for fashion television in Toronto, and that's it. Well, I know some people here who work in locally owned fashion-based shops. We're probably the wrong people to ask. You know what?

My sister owns a design company called Peel Designs. And she went to Helen LeFoe for it. And she could talk to them about internships. It's not as much funny as it is just actually helpful. No, I think actually we would actually want to be helpful. Could you maybe add a fart noise? Thank you.

All right. It was just like a wet, slow one. But you know what? Lauren, we'll send you an email with kind of the pertinent information that we can cobble together. And thanks for coming to us for advice.

We hope not to steer you in the wrong direction. Shall we do some blokery? I'm ready to. Can you? Let's bring it on. All right. Let's do this shit. Is he a bloke? or will he just choke? I don't know. Hey, this tastes like Shreddy's.

I'm pretty happy about it. It tastes just like Shreddy's. We're drinking a beer. What's the name of the beer? The beer we're drinking right now is Bira Moretti. Can you hand it to me? I'm not going to lie to you. It tastes exactly like Shreddy's. It's a picture of a sinister German man on it. It's a sinister German man. And on the way over here to the podcast, I said to Dave that that picture reminded me that I was considering just having a mustache and no beard. And he said not to do it. Yeah, as a TV personality, I'm afraid

you would get fired and I would get your job. So you should encourage it then. In a Melrose Place-ian style mind manipulation. Oh yeah, you should definitely get a mustache. I like Melrose

Place-ian is now a word. I can't name any characters from Melrose Place, though. Vince. All right. Let's go with Vince. Done. He was so confident. I don't know if there was anyone named Vince.

Moving on. Was there a Jack? There was an actor named Jack. There was an actor named Grant. There was an actor named Heather. No, male actors. Come on. Andrew Shue. Yeah, there's. Come on. Andrew Shue.

Yeah, there's Andrew Shue. Elizabeth Shue's father. Soccer playing brother. Hey, here's something. This week Paul Bay tried to convince me that Jim J. Bullock and Sandra Bullock are brothers and sisters. And I didn't

believe him. And with good reason. Because it's not true. Does he just think that all white people are in the same family? Yeah, if they have the last name. He's incredibly racist. Unbelievable. I can't believe it. Alright, so.

The bloke. We're talking blokes. We're talking blokes of the written word This week Two weeks ago we introduced this topic And for anybody who doesn't know what a bloke is Picture Jason Statham This time writing a book

So we just We put out who did you think were blokey People that would fit In the league of extraordinary blokes Under the heading of written word. They have to be alive. They can't be fictional. We got a lot of suggestions.

Dave, if you would throw them out. We'll round table it. We'll figure it out. Okay. Dave's going to put it to a timer this time. A timer because I don't like this segment going long. Because I don't like this segment going long. Because I don't like this segment.

You don't like the dilly, you don't like the dally. I like a dilly bar and that's about it. Yeah. Ten minutes? Oh yeah, go ahead. Yeah, we'll get it done. No problems. Okay, there's a lot of suggestions. And that's great for anybody who hates this segment. Just fast forward ten minutes.

We'll be on a new thing. For the wrap up. All right. Okay. Okay. Chris suggested J.D. Salinger because he wrote Catcher in the Rye. Then he disappeared. He wrote a bunch of novellas and short works. And if you wait outside his house and follow him to the store, he may run you off the road.

So J.D. Salinger is still alive? Yeah. In his 90s. Really? He's in his 90s. He may run you off the road. He's a recluse. Yep.

He probably chops his own wood. I'm going to say yes. Okay. We'll see. Ellie L., who is a friend of ours, suggested Neil Strauss, who is a... Oh, The Art of Picking Up Women? Yeah, he wrote that, or The Game. The Game, that's what it's called. He's a bald gentleman.

He also wrote Jenna Jameson's autobiography and the Motley Crue book, Dirt. Just for the fact that he had anything to do with the Motley Crue book, Dirt. Just for the fact that he had anything to do with the Motley Crew book, Dirt, I put him in. So you're saying he's a bloke? The choice of subject matter is... The stuff what he's made is just like, yeah. It's straight, it's across the board.

100%. Have we ever talked about the burrito thing? Can I stop the stopwatch? No, we have talked about it on the podcast. Actually, twice. Okay, never mind. We'll tell you after the podcast.

All right, all right. Fill me in. Any idea when we talked about it? It was many, many, many episodes ago. All right. Probably like in the 20s. Okay, Neil. Oh, that's weird.

We talked about Neil Strass, and then this next person, Neil S., suggested Cormac McCarthy, who wrote Blood Meridian and No Country for Old Men and some very violent works. He also... Oh, yeah. Do you want to discuss him?

Cormac McCarthy. I i mean that no country for old men if there was a blueprint of blokiness i don't know if i've ever seen that movie's got more blokes in it per scene than any other movie it's just straight up like yeah like is violence just is that presumably the book is like the movie violence has a big part of it yeah yeah you have to be certainly you have to have violence but also charm charm is big part of it. Yeah. Yeah, you have to be... Certainly you have to have violence, but also charm. Charm is a part of it. Yeah, yeah. You've got to be charming.

You've got to be violent. You've got to be muscular. Certainly. Most writers aren't, but then again, most scientists were. I thought this was an odd thing for blokes to be as writers. Yeah, but you know what they look like often? But some people don't express themselves through punches. They write about punching. You know what I mean? They're still blokey. But some people don't express themselves through punches. They write about punching.

You know what I mean? They're still blokey. They're as blokey as a writer can be. I would give a thumbs up. Sure, Hemingway, if he was alive, would be a bloke. But he's not. I killed him. And he's a time traveler. I will say yes to Cormac McCarthy on the grounds of No Country for Old Men.

On the grounds of... Oh, right. James Elroy. He's been to prison. He wrote The Black Dahlia and L.A. Confidential. And his nickname is either Demon Dog or Mad Dog. Ooh, his nickname is Dog in it either way. Can you call yourself anything dog?

Did he call himself that or? Did he call himself that? It sounds like it was his nickname. And he's been to prison, so maybe he was given that nickname in prison. But for burglary. For burglary? Even more so. If you call yourself something dog, then no. But if someone else calls you something dog,

yeah. I think so we say yes to this. These are some very, very good nominations. I haven't found a flaw with any of them so far. No one ever called me a dog. Ben G suggested James Fry, who wrote that book about sprinkle hands. No, he just faked being tough. Next.

Yeah, and Oprah called him on it. He was Oprah's bitch. Next. A few people. We'll see who. But first, Joel Jay suggested Chuck Palahniuk. Chuck Palahniuk. Is it Palahniuk?

Yeah. There's an H in there. I think it is Palahniuk. I think it is awkwardly pronounced. I'll say in a short, my friend at one point was attempting to become somewhat of a journalist and put out to a bunch of different writers and entertainers to see if he could get an interview to sell to a newspaper. however you pronounce it couldn't uh do an interview but instead went to a dollar store near his house filled the box with things from this dollar store and sent it back to my friend with a letter saying sorry i don't have time to do an interview but please make this into an article and so you know there was a like a spanish wrestling mask and like

whoopee cushions and all these crazy things he bought from a dollar store. And apparently, according to eyewitness accounts, whenever Chuck Plonio is doing a book signing, he doesn't just sign his name. He has a stamp that he made that he stamps in the book that says, official property of such and such penitentiary. And he signs his name to the best cellmate ever. So I think those two anecdotal evidences. For anyone who doesn't know, he's the gentleman who wrote Fight Club

and Choke. And he wrote a lot of his first book while he was under massive semi-trucks fixing their transmissions. That's when he had... That's when he had pen in hand?

Yeah. Or no, a laptop. But there were times when he would have to do a thing and then somebody would have to do something up above him while he was doing that. So maybe... He wrote Fight Club and Joke.

Dave Mamet. David Mamet wrote, he wrote Glen Gary Glen Ross. Yeah, he swears a lot. He writes very male-centric things. He wrote Red Belt. Hello. And American Buffalo. Jiu-Jitsu.

He does Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah. Here's what. I like him a lot. He's mine. Maybe you're going to jiu-jitsu? Yeah. I like him a lot. He's mine. You're going to say yes to Mamet? Here's why I'm on the fence, because I found out that he also writes, now he's kind of sold out

a bit, and now he writes Ford commercials. But is that more blokey? No, I think that's less blokey. I think so. I vote for him, and so he's in. Christopher Hitchens is a writer who volunteered to be waterboarded. Oh, yes.

Yes. Absolutely, Christopher Hitchens. Yes. Aaron. Oh, yeah. So Mo G suggested Mario Puzo, who wrote the Godfather books. I say he's disqualified because he was mentioned in that Moxie Fruvitz song about authors. My baby likes a bunch of authors.

Can we play that song at the end of the podcast? Probably a copyright. Yeah, why don't people just look up... Oh, put it on the blog. Yeah, absolutely. Aaron H. suggested Thomas Pynchon, who starred on Perfect Strangers as Balky. Did he really write anything? Amazing.

No. We've got to give it to him. No, that's Bronson Finch. He was in the Navy. His middle name is Ruggles. Ruggles? Ruggles with two Gs. He's in.

I don't think he's given up because of that. Say no more. He wrote Gravity's Rainbow by the Klaxons. It seems like there's a lot of really awesome writers. They're blokes. David S. suggested Christopher Hitchens also. He's in. He sent us in an audio file.

We'll see. I say we can play that. Laurel M. suggested Irvine Welsh, who wrote Trainspotting. He's done Jail Time and writes about heroin addicts. I mean, he's probably a little too scrawny to be blokey. And we're halfway there. He's probably a little too scrawny to be blokey. He's pretty scrawny, hey? Yeah, I mean,

I don't picture blokeyness when I hear it. Out on scrawniness. She also suggested Farley Mowat, who pees in snow to ward off wolves. Farley Mowat, he's got a giant beard. He wrote Owls in the Family. It's as tough as it gets.

A dog that wouldn't be. Cameron M. suggested Joel Hines. He said, I realize Joel Hines may not be particularly well-known outside Newfoundland, and then I stopped reading. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, man. I don't know.

I like Newfoundland a lot. I want to know more about Joel Hines. We can't be letting everyone in. Give it to him. He's a book. What? Are we letting? Yeah, I don't know anything about Joe Hines we can't be letting everyone in give it to him I don't know anything about Joe Hines send me more information about Joe Hines he sent me an audio file I didn't listen to it

I want to listen to this audio file I feel like I'm not getting the full picture on this bloke report one minute left we've got a bunch Andrew L suggested Douglas Copeland I think he's kind of a wiener getting the full picture on this blog report. TikTok. One minute left. We've got a bunch. Andrew L. suggested Douglas Copeland. I think he's kind of a wiener.

I do too. Done. He also suggested Alan Moore, the guy who wrote Watchmen. Yes, because he wouldn't allow them to use his name in the credits for Watchmen. Go. And he has crazy hair. He also suggested Guy Ritchie. He married Madonna. Next. Yeah, that's not really the written word. I mean, he wrote movies, but come on.

Sam R. suggested Alan Moore. He's in. Oliver suggested Nick Hornby. High fidelity. Yeah. He's way too refined. Very emo. Way too refined. Agreed. Kyle also suggested Thomas Pynchon.

AVR, Audio Video Radio. It's a podcast and radio show. They suggested Alan Moore because he wrote this epic porno about Wendy from Peter Pan, Alice from Alice in Wonderland, Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, and Garfield. So he's in.

Garfield wasn't in it. Dan suggested Brett Easton Ellis. Oh, we're out of time. Brett Easton Ellis? What did he write? American Psycho. Oh, but he'd be in though. I think so.

Yeah? You would say so? Well, from the subject matter, I think if he... Would you say the lead guy from... Would you say the character from Psycho? American Psycho? Yeah, but we're not in the business of fictional characters. It's not what we do.

But if that's any kind of part of him, That's true. I'm not going to resist it. How many people did we miss? We missed, oh, two of these are repeats. This is the same guy Dan suggested. Brett Easton Ellis, James L. Roy, who we already talked about. Chuck Polonyak.

Yep. J.D. Salinger who we already talked about. Chuck Polonyak. J.D. Salinger, we already talked about. And Alan Moore, we already talked about. We made it. We did it. Also, I would like to make one recommendation, if I could. A local writer from Vancouver, I believe his name is Mike Walter. And he's a punk writer. And he wrote a book. I don't know if I've got his name is Mike Walter, and he's a punk writer, and he wrote a book.

I don't know if I've got his name right. Definitely Chris Walter. Chris Walter. Sorry, is his name. Chris Walter. Oh, my God. He wrote a book called I Was a Punk Before You Were a Punk and several other books that he self-published, and he is more blokey than you can shake a stick at.

All right. I'm not shaking a stick at anything. Is this stuff available at Pulp Fiction? Absolutely. Chris Walter. What about Wet Wizard books? Wet Wizard may have a coil-binded copy of one of his books. Chris Walter is my book.

I don't think binded is the word. I think it's bound. I'm not going to lie to you. I wrote a dictionary. What about a becherel? What do you want to do now? I think it's bound. I'm not going to lie to you. I wrote a dictionary. What about a becherel? What do you want to do now? I don't know if you guys are still doing your reality shows at all.

But I have a reality show for you. Oh, do you really? Oh, for real. Do we have a theme song for that? No, because it was... That was pretty theme song. That was forever ago, I know. We stopped that on episode two, maybe. Okay, well, I want to do that.

I want to do that because this is a throwback. Okay, do you want to have a theme song for it? No. Do you want to make up a theme song for it? No. Okay. Do you? I think you had one for I think Charlie sang it. It was just reality. No, that was Celebrity Odds.

Celebrity Odds. Oh! I got Celebrity. Is it the end with the, that was Celebrity Odds. Celebrity Odds. Oh, I got Celebrity. Is it the end with the same sounds? Oh, you got a Celebrity Odd? No, I got a reality show. Let's get things sorted. You have still a reality TV show. Yeah.

So you want to pitch to us a reality TV show. Oh, absolutely. Okay. I want to hear it. And reality TV show has the following theme song. Reality TV show pitches. It's pretty good. Although I stopped at the word start. No, you're right.

It doesn't need a start. Okay. Reality TV show pitches. No, no, no. Stop it. If I slur it, it works. Stop it. I got it. No, you're right. It doesn't need a smartphone. No, no, no. Stop it. If I slur it, it works. Stop it. I got it.

No, you don't. I think I had it there. No, you didn't. You just put a G note, like, just straight up, like a power chord. Oh, no. See, I didn't even know what the hell I'm talking about. But here's what I got. Tell me if this would work. I'm judging by the theme song.

I'm guessing it wouldn't. All right. Here we go. So it's a reality show. It's called, this is the greatest title of all time, Build Me a Boat, Kids. Okay. And here's what it is. You get an obese person.

An OP. Exactly. Maybe someone who might attend a funeral. Maybe. Shout out. An OP. Exactly. Maybe someone who might attend a funeral. Shout out. Callback. And so it's like this big soundstage where there's a bunch of little kids. What's it called again?

Oh, it's Build-A-Boat. Build-Me-A-Boat Kids. Build-Me-A-Boat Kids, with a comma. And it's just a big sound studio where there's a bunch of water that really is a special studio where water slowly rises and all these materials are around the studio

and these kids have to build a boat for this obese person so they don't because they can't move around in water very well so the idea is that these kids have to build a boat out of all these crazy it's like that chef thing?

Was it the Japanese show? It's like Iron Chef, but with boat materials. Without dubbing. So these kids have to build a boat so that this obese person does not drown in their own weight. I want to watch this show.

Can it be at the end that the voice that's telling them to do it is Ed Harris and it's like the Truman show? He's up in the booth telling people to build him a boat? Spoiler alert. Oh, absolutely. You're a writer on the show now. I would watch it. Fantastic. Yeah, I

guess I give it the green light. You should bring back the reality shows. Absolutely. This was so much fun. There you go. Adam Pavement, thank you so much. And it's got a great theme song. You've been a delight, and thank you so much for coming back on the show again.

Thank you for having me. Look for Adam at all your local comedy shows in Vancouver. Do you have any specific show that you're looking to plug at the current point in time? If there's any listeners in Victoria, I'm going to be doing hecklers on the 27th. 27th of March? March, yes. And you have a website.

It's AdamPaitman.com. Exactly. It is A-A-D-A-M-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-vark it's a-d-a-m p-a-t-e m-a-n dot com got it pate man I always would

spell it with a p-a-y which is incorrect I noticed you did that but it's p-a-t-e thank you

m-a-n dot com he's got all sorts of fun comics and clips an angry phone call from Tom Cochran's wife

great angry phone call from Tom Cochran's wife. Great angry phone call from Tom Cochran's wife. And I think you've got a blog area on it. Yeah. Links. Photos. Gallery. Yeah, it's got everything. It's got absolutely all of it. You've got home. You've got links. Contact.

You've got guest book. I've got bio. What else do we want? But it's been a pleasure. Thank you so much for coming by. Thank you very much. We'll have you back again, I hope. We are Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is David Shumka. My name is Graham Clark. You can write to us at

StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com And please visit the blog that Dave puts up each and every week. Lovingly. It's lovingly created. Dave really is the It's lovingly created. Dave really is the creative force behind the show. It's stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com. And we also have a phone number if you want to call in.

206-339-8328. That's 206-339-TEET. And if you enjoyed the show, please do tell your friends. That's how we spread the word I hope you enjoyed this week's show and come back next week for another enthralling edition of Stop Podcasting Yourself Thank you.