Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 568 - Debra DiGiovanni

Episode Date: February 4, 2019

Comedian Debra DiGiovanni returns to talk camp, wallet problems, and snake yoga.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 568 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who looks sharp in a zipper cardigan, Mr. Dave Shumkin. Yeah, I was looking for a zipper cardigan. I wanted one with pockets. Very hard to find.

They also go flippity flap if you put too much stuff in them in a cardigan. I just want to put my hands in my flippy flappy flippers. And it zips top to bottom and then bottom to top. Shit, like a tent. Yeah. Yeah, real nice. Yeah, so winter's working out great. Yeah, you're a man of winter. And our guest, one of our favorite guests here on the podcast, one of the funniest comedians around, Deborah DiGiovanni.

Hello. Hello there. Hello. Five sixty eight. Yeah, I know. How many have you been on? Forty. I wouldn't say five sixty seven.

No, I'm going to say this might be my fifth time. Yeah. Does that sound right? Sure. I was going to say 5.67. No, I'm going to say this might be my fifth time. Yeah. Does that sound right? Sure.

And before we start, I just want to say quickly, when my family would go on vacation, often I would fall asleep in the back of the station wagon and they would go for dinner, put a blanket over me. Apparently I've told that story every time. Let's just get it out of the way yeah yeah yeah it took me a second to realize what you were doing

like a Howard Johnson a Howard it was a Hojo a Hojo hi there hello I'm in the new house how exciting

yeah it's very new and lovely new studio new studio it's very nice Sissa Studios you know the name it's very nice. Sissus Studios. You know what I mean? It's very nice.

Did you put up the gray stuff yourself? I put up the gray stuff myself. I love it. Can you imagine if it was just here? I built those shelves myself. My goodness.

A real, a real, you know. It's not just a looker. No. So many layers. Not just a zipper. Not just a zipper looker.

Not just a man in a cardigan. More layers in the cardigan. There's a shirt and an undershirt. There's a zipper looker. Not just a man in a cardigan. More layers than the cardigan. There's a shirt and an undershirt. There's no undershirt. Oh. Ugh. Should we get to know us?

Yeah. Yeah. Get to know us. Did I show too much skin there? Yes. We're off the air. Canceled. Deborah, how are you? How have you been um i'm okay thank you very much it's the beginning of the year still ish kind of what are we at today

the 16th yeah i mean we're at february 4th february 4th um yeah it's just you know i've been out of my house since the end of the of of 2018. So it kind of just, you know, it just, you know, it just feels like that. Like I'm already, the year is already upon us. And I, you know,

some people are fine with being away from home and living out of a bag. Sure. I'm not one of those people. Are you? No, I used to be. Yeah. But now I'd like to have,

you know, just like a variety of shirts. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Yeah. Because once you hit the end of a cycle and you're like, there like a variety of shirts. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Because once you hit the end of a cycle and you're like, there's no more shirts. Yeah. And I've never been a road dog. Like never one of those people that is really happy being on the road all the time.

I mean, like it's a part of our lives and we do it. But I feel like now as I, you know, I just started my 19th year in comedy. Get out. Yipes. Yesterday. Yipes. I know. But I just started my 19th year in comedy. Get out. Yipes. Yesterday. Yipes. I know. But I feel like now.

Congratulations. Thank you very much. I, like, I'm probably like, I probably want to go home by about day nine. Seriously. That's longer. That's longer than I would think. Yeah, like day seven, I start going, oh, I want to go home. Eight, I'm like, and then day nine, I'm like, I want to go home.

Like, even if I just go home for like two or three days and then turn around and go back out. That's what I prefer. What about you? I hate it. Seriously? I've always hated it or just recently? I hate it more and more and more. But it's worth it to go to see the dozens of people who want to see this podcast live.

Like sixes of people. But no, it's hard and people don't realize that. I think they think it's like super fun. Was it ever? When you were... There are days. In your 10th year. There have definitely been times where it's super fun.

Yeah. You know, going on tour is nice when you're with other people. It's great. You know, the times that I've toured and brought an opener of my choosing with me. Wonderful. That's nice. But yeah, but it's still like, you know, it's still, it's just, it wears on you.

It's not as fun. You say you just started your 19th year. Why do you remember January 15th? That was the day that I chose because I know I started in January 2000. So I just kind of said, I'm going to say the 15th because it was a nice round number.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you, what did you do? Did you go down to the open mic? Yeah, the first, it was the first time I went on stage and I did Spirits, which was a long running open mic in Toronto, which just died. Did you know that? It just ended. Oh, I didn't know it just ended.

It just ended last year. It was, you know, it obviously changed hands with the passing of Joanna Downey. And then, gosh, I think they kept it going for just a year. And then they sold the building. And they were like, we're done. We're out. Oh, wow. Yeah.

So it just finished last year. Did it go well that first time? Oh, yes. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm one of those that I had, like, I had a wonderful time until probably about my 12th show. And then I had a very bad one. And I went home and was like, oh, that was way less fun.

But yeah, I had a nice time the first several times on stage. And was it like one of these things that sometimes you hear stories about people that their friends were rallying them to get on stage? Was that you? Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. My group of friends, my group of girlfriends had been begging me to, my very best friend, Robin,

had been begging me to go on stage for years and years. Years. Years and years. Since I met her, so I probably met her when I was about 24. Wow.

So I started comedy when I was 27. So yeah, for that full three years, go on, please go on stage. Please go on stage. And then finally went on stage. Would you have done it if she didn't harangue you um i i think like what would you have been i don't know i went to art school right did you know that no i went to art school i went to ryerson i wanted to be a fashion illustrator and then on my first day of

school i realized i'd made a huge mistake because the first day of class, the teacher stood on stage. The professor stood on stage. Yeah. There we go. That's it right there. He said he was like, if you don't, because it was the fashion program at Ryerson because the merchandise, whatever. So he said, if you do not live, sleep, eat, drink and breathe fashion, you might as well go. And I literally was like, I should go.

I should literally go that's how they weed them out that's it I was like this is I made a terrible mistake they do that I think at every

I think they do every every if you wanna you remember fame you gotta sweat you don't remember yeah

if you don't live sleep dream breathe accounting yeah forklift operation thank god for you TVVCR repair live, sleep, dream, breathe. Accounting. Yeah. Get out.

Forklift operation. Thank God for you. TVVCR repair. Then you do not want to send away for this. You do not. Please, exactly. Do not join this online school. But like, yeah, I think you're right.

I think they do. Yeah. Just to like spook people a little bit. Yeah, yeah. But it worked. It did work. They spooked me. Are you a good illustrator? I'm a good illustrator. That's all I ever wanted to do. a little a little bit yeah yeah but it worked it did work they spoke to me are you a good

illustrator I'm a good illustrator that's all I ever wanted to do I only ever wanted to do humans you know no dog outfits no

well maybe not I would probably I would think about it now yeah but there was or blondes that's what I

yeah that's all I ever wanted to do like and it was a lot of the program was sewing and I was not good at that so I would kind of scrabble

but it was always like figure drawing was my favorite and I don't I'm sure I've said this on the podcast before too bad we

that my figure drawing you know it was always like nude models right yeah and I would never finish the men if you know what I mean yeah

you just do the wiener and then leave everything else out. I leave everything else out. Everything else is blank. And they'll be like, Debra, is that all you see? Yes. Yes.

That's all I see. You wanted to go to fashion school to design cod pieces. Yes. Yes. That's a thing. But yeah, it was always a squiggle.

You know, I would go, and my instructor would just laugh. She'd be like, really, Debra? And I was just like, one day I'm going to make you. I was like really Debra she's like one day

I'm going to make you I was like you're really good but it was back then they could make you they probably could it was the 90s just put an ampersand exactly

why is he holding a ruler just a small Mario Brothers mushroom and yuck but that was I loved that

I loved the class although it was weird. I remember there was one model that used to come in all the time. And then once we were all going for coffee. Even when he wasn't scheduled. Even when he just came in to sit down. Hey, kids. How you doing?

But that literally was it. And we saw him at like the mall after when we went to get coffee. And it was like, hi, girls. And we're like, please. Oh, God, please. No, no, no, no, no. Because it was all women, right? Like most of the program was women and gay men,

you know, I never, uh, I took a drawing class, but it was never a nude. Yeah. And I, I assumed that from television that it would be nude on day one.

Yeah. And you're like, well, these flowers aren't naked. Yeah. Maybe I should do that. What? Be a nude model?

They pay well. They pay well. They really pay well. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why not? New year, new you. Oh my gosh. They really pay well. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why not?

New year, new you. Oh my gosh, this is it. New year, new you. It's easier than getting a doctor to look at this thing on my back. Just get a bunch

of drugs. Get everyone to draw it. And then just compare notes. Yeah, fax it into WebMD. Here's an abstract version of it. Yeah. No, I think I could take like, can you do like a sculpting class? here's an abstract version of it. Yeah. And no,

I think I could take like, uh, can you do like a, a sculpting class? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was always,

it was always dancers or, or like quite obese people. Really? Yeah. There was, that was sort of it. It was like either like super musculature, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. Like where, like you could see them, you know, uh, the like real, the lines or it was, you know, uh, roles Yeah, yeah. Like where you could see the lines.

Yeah. Or it was, you know, rolls, really. That's what it was. That was sort of the best things to draw. Yeah. And like... Do you still... Yeah, do you still draw? I haven't in a really long time.

I would be super rusty. But I think I definitely still could. Yeah. I've got a little... All right, take it off, Graham! Here we go. Look how small the paper is, too. That'll do.

I've got a pen and a tiny piece of paper. Just take a highlighter and a small piece of lined paper, and we'll just work it out. But I actually, the real, my interview answer is always when people are like, how did you start in comedy? This is always the one that I tell. And this is totally true. So I go to art school, and during that art school,

there was one class that was called oral communication for the artist. And it was basically doing speeches, like mini speeches. Postmasters. Yeah. They're like, you're going to have to, you know, talk at some point and sell yourself. And I remember like other students would like cry and couldn't do it. And I was like, I'll go again, sir.

And that professor and another professor that i had to do uh like there was a couple uh like presentations and stuff they came up to me at the end of the year and they were like you're in the wrong program you should be entertaining people and i was like okay and i was 19 and i ignored that for eight years so you had a lot of people rallying around you. I had a lot of people say that I should be doing comedy. I really did. A lot, a lot. Like, I'm always, I'm always surprised

by people that didn't. You know, when people that just got up, they were like, I'm their own gumption, I'm going to be a comedian. I'm like, what? Like, I, yeah, I just.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't think, nobody told me to do it. What? You're a gumption. You're Forrest Gumpption over here. Yeah, Forrest Gumpption.

But I've been like, I mean, you always made all your friends laugh, I bet. Yeah, and I hung around with funny people. No one would be like, Graham's doing comedy? What? Like, that wouldn't happen. No, but I did. There are some comedians that are like that.

When you meet them, you're like. There are definitely comedians that after you watch, or I personally watch perform, and I'm like, who told you to do comedy? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Like one of those, how did this happen? Do you know what I mean? What was the sequence of events?

Well, there's also like when people say, oh, my friends all said, oh, you should do stand-up comedy. Your friends don't go to open mics. Your friends don't know what it's like. Your friends see a comedy special and they're like, you should have 100,000 fans. Exactly. Exactly. Like, it's not. You should start an improv troupe.

Yeah. Yeah, you know. But why, like, because when I was a youngster, I did improv. Dave did improv. I would say the best training for any stand-up. Did you do improv? Very, like like briefly. I think I did two years at second city.

Oh, okay. Yeah. And it was just like, um, that was again, one of those things that I loved it. It was so much fun,

but I remember like having that moment of like, Oh, I'd much rather be by myself. Much rather. I'm dragging all this dead weight. Um, no, but I remember like saying to my instructor at the time,

I was like, I really want to do stand-up and he said to me, oh, good luck, you'll hate it. He said, it's awful. Good luck. And I was like, okay.

Bye. Bye. He was trying to scare you. I know. Why is everyone trying to scare me? What's going on? How long did you do improv for?

Oh, just two, three, two or three years in high school. Very good. And what about you? Just one year. One year in high school. I think it's a good, you know, just two, three, two or three years in high school. Very good. And what about you? Just one year. One year in high school. I think it's, I think it's a good, you know, I mean, I know these are cheesy answers.

I think it's a really good basis for performing. Oh, totally. Yeah. Like I think like this podcast is all just us agreeing to whatever premise. Exactly. Whatever comes up. But I mean, you know, if someone like if some kid writes and says how do I start

my first thing I say to them is take an improv class take an improv class and it helps you think on your feet and you know if you want to be

on stage how often do kids write you and is it from the hospital all backwards ease and stuff

a lot of I'm very sick no it's I do get I do get I do No, it's... I do get kids. Do you really? I do. I get teenagers and young people in their early 20s. Like they write you? Yeah, they'll DM me on an Instagram

or a Twitter or something and just be like, I've been a fan of yours since I was a child. And I'm like, that's very cute. You are a child. You are a child by the way. And you will be a child until you're 40. So enjoy. You are a child. You are a child, by the way. And you will be a child until you're 40. So enjoy. Wear a condom. And just, you know, how do I start stand-up?

Really? Yep. That's amazing. Yeah. So say the same thing. Just get on stage is what I say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And go to fashion school.

Go to fashion school. Hate it. Have your spirit broken. Yeah. And yeah. Be scared in and out of different careers. Exactly. And the first thing I always ask.

Maybe try a haunted house. Try a haunted house, I was going to say. Or, you know, skydiving. But my one first question is always like, how broken is your soul? Yeah, yeah. If it's not, please go have that broken. Go have it shattered. Yeah.

Then you're ready for the stage. Yay. Have you ever, speaking of scary things, have you ever, like, confronted a fear? Have you,

like... No, but, you know, I did say, and this is, I might amend it, but I'm saying it,

oh God, I'm going to say it right now. I am going to try to drive this year. Okay. So that's me facing a fear. Like, never, you've never driven before?

I've driven, but like I only drove in the small town that I grew up in where there was like, you know, no traffic and our stoplights turned off. Angle parking. You know what I mean? Like our stoplights turned off at 11 and it was just, you know. I've never heard of that. Did you not know this? This is, yeah, they turn off at 11, they could turn all to flashing lights. Wow.

Yeah. So that was then it just became a four-way stop huh i know um so yeah but i'm i'm really i i have um a bit of a terror with driving driving's terrifying i'm very scared to drive i just do you drive you don't drive right i i can't you can't yeah i just learned just now that if they're flashing it's a four-way stop yes i know right there you go i usually assume if all the lights are flashing it're flashing it's a four-way stop yes i know right there you go i usually assume if all the lights are flashing it just means it's a dance party yeah yeah i'm cool to do whatever right no one's watching these lights are broken yeah let me go everyone let me go it's just mayhem this means chaos am i right but but driving is that there's a rational element

to being afraid of driving. I think so, too. I don't think it's crazy that I'm scared to drive. I really don't. I mean, yeah. I'm scared to hurt somebody. Are you scared to fly? No. Well, more people die flying than driving.

What? No, but my thing is that's the wrong one. Yeah, that's the wrong one. You're way more likely. I'm sure I'd be scared to fly a plane. You know what I mean? To actually be the pilot. Yeah, yeah. I saw S To actually be the pilot. Yeah.

Yeah. I saw Sully. It was scary. Woof. Woof. But no one died. That's true. No one died.

He saved them except for those birds. Yeah. But anyway, they don't get it. And then he went on a murder spree. Did you know that? What? And he would like leave a dead bird. Oh my God. After every kill.

They made me do it. Apparently. I'm not sure. Chicken scratch. I am. I'm really scared to hurt somebody else. Yeah. me do it. Apparently. I'm not sure. Chicken scratch. I'm really scared to hurt somebody else. Yeah. With a car? Yeah. But emotionally? Or an axe.

Physically? Yeah. I met a dude this, in like the last year and a half, who killed a pedestrian. Like, I can't. How do you even? Hey, I killed a pedestrian. Do you have any't like, how do you even, uh, Hey, I killed a pedestrian. And I, do you have any advice on how to get into standup?

I'm like, well, once you get out of jail, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I'm not guilty because it was, I don't know.

He crossed the street wrong. I don't know. Sure. But killed him, like killed him. Wow. Yeah. Like he came smashing

through his windshield there was blood on the inside of his car like i mean yikes yeah now does this guy's does he still drive yes wow yeah but he did say it took him a while to get back i couldn't see if something i don't know how you do that yeah i don't know how you how you recover from something yeah me neither um but you don't have that idea in mind when you're trying to... So do you have a goal? Do you have a plan? Do you have a plan, though?

No. Okay. Because I'm just, I'm easing into it. Like, my brain says, okay, 2019 is the year I'm going to drive. Will there be lessons? Yes. Oh, for sure.

I think, yeah, for sure there'll be lessons. Did you... Because I went to young drivers of canada oh yeah there was no in school driver's ed which is maybe something i've only seen on tv in the movies no there wasn't mine there was oh really yeah i was we definitely went to driver's ed as a part and it wasn't a class but it was was through the high school. Through school. I think after school on Saturdays, I think. And you, so as a teen, you were allowed to opt out of... No, I got my license when I was 17.

Oh, you did? And then I drove in the town that I'm from for a year. And then I moved to Toronto and never drove again. So you would be quite advanced for taking driving lessons. Yes. Because you actually... I advanced for taking driving lessons. Yes. Because like you actually. I won't go to driver's ed. What if I did?

Oh, that might be fun. Let's be honest. That would be cool. That's a show. No, I'll do like, I'll do a private. I'm going to look up and like, like basically just Google teachers for really scared ladies. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Old ladies who are scared to drive. Who wants to teach me? Yeah. But you don't want an old lady who's scared to drive to teach you. This is important to how you Google this result. Exactly. Although maybe she might be the best one. She understands. We get the card and she's like,

okay, I'm terrified. Are you ready? Wait a minute. One of us has to be in control. No! I was scared into doing this job. A man chased me here with a knife. My friends kept telling me I'd be a good driver's ed teacher. It really pushed me. I was always in every office.

I was always the best at teaching people to drive. Everyone was like, I don't know what you're doing, but you're in the wrong field. Like literally the wrong field. You're supposed to be two over. You missed the turn. Did you, uh, when you learned,

did you learn on a standard or an automatic? Automatic. Who do you drive a standard? Does anyone drive a standard? They even, they even make standards. Of course they do. They're cheaper.

Did you know that? They're cheaper. Well, not, not if they're a Lamborghini. They're not cheaper that way. Fair. I was thinking like, uh, because we don't have valets.

We have very few valets. And there's so many in LA. But they must all have to know standards. Oh, gosh. What if they didn't? They're just like, okay. I'll fake it. Let's wing it.

Drop that. Here's your car back. No transmission. Is that? How did I know that? Did you hear me just say transmission? Yeah. That's the right back. No transmission. Is that? Yeah. How did I know that? Did you hear me just say transmission? Yeah. That's the right section.

That's right. An automatic transmission. You know what? I don't need to learn to drive anymore. No, you've done it. I'm set. Abby, my wife, learned to drive 34 maybe. Oh, good deal.

So. It's possible. It's possible. She did it. She learned with a screaming baby in the backseat. There we go. So that, hey, if you it's possible. You learned with a screaming baby. So that, Hey, if you can do that,

Rebecca Kohler, my friend who's also in Los Angeles, she only learned to drive a couple of years before she moved to LA. So she was probably like, maybe like 35, 36. But it's what, it does feel like a thing.

Once you've done it, you'll, you'll think, how was I ever, how was I ever not doing it? And you'll think, because I remember when I was 16, uh i learned to run there and uh i was in no hurry yeah and uh i remember thinking everyone is such a bad driver i've just taken the class i know everything

like yeah and everyone else is just coasting off of things they learned 20 years ago. Sure. And I still feel that way. I feel like it's a 16 year old, like a responsible 16 year old is a great driver. Oh my God. Yeah. My dad had to go. My dad is, he'll be 82 on Friday,

my father, and he had to go get his, renew his driver's license. Now, did you know when you turn 80, you have to go every two years? To do, to renew your license. But you, you have to go every two years? To do... To renew your license.

But you don't have to do a test or anything? Oh, you gotta do a driving test for sure. A driving? Yes. Yeah, they gotta make sure you're okay to... Oh, wow. ...do all the stuff. That makes sense, though, doesn't it?

Yeah, it does. My dad, though, 82, he's sharp as a tack. But it's like... My dad is, yeah, together. Having... Being able to still drive around... Yeah....in your 80s, that's... I would think it would be very... attack but it's like that is that together having being able to still drive around yeah as in in

your 80s that's that's i would think it would be very it must be a terrible moment to be you know the license no you're done oh yeah i mean right it's like that must be hard yeah especially if if that's how you get like because a lot of people that's the only sure in kilsonburg do they have uber i don't think they have there's no there's no transport and there's nothing no there's taxis that's it yeah that's it you'd have to take everything a taxi can you imagine yes the taxis are paid with buttons it's just a smile and uh and a happy punch on the shoulder maybe an apple if you got one exactly um to you. Exactly. An apple is nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway.

Good for you, though. You're going to do it. I'm going to do it. Oh, God. Let's talk again in 2020. What scares you? What are you going to do this year? Oh, I don't.

Or today? I don't do any. Every day scares me. I don't want to be scared. The world. Yeah. In general. I mean, yeah.

Like, you know, everyone I love dying scares me. But I don't want to confront that this year. Don general. I mean, yeah, like, you know, everyone I love dying scares me. But I don't want to confront that this year. Don't do that. That's a terrible one. No, but is there, like, yeah. Like, I've never wanted to do the skydiving. Me neither.

I'm not a daredevil at all. No. Like, those sorts of things, it doesn't, I want to, people are like, oh, I want to bungee jump and skydive. I have no desire to throw my body hurtling out of anything. No. Thank you very much. That's not for me. It's weird that, like, I'm the same.

I'm very at peace with that. Yes. But there's somebody out there that's eating them up inside that they're not skydiving right now. Absolutely. They're like, I want the thrill of skydiving. The only thing that I think, and it's not death-defying or crazy or anything. The only thing that might, just in the back of my head that I go one day surfing. That is the only thing that I would like.

I mean, like there's no way I could surf now, but maybe one day, I don't know. I'm very out of shape. Exactly. I know into the jaws of a jaws. Into the jaws of a jaws. You know how it is. But yeah, I think I'd like to, I'd like to surf. I'm quite fascinated

by surfing, I must say. Always have been. I would see, in that regard, of a thing, I would, if I could learn

something, it would be like, like boxing. Oh yeah. You know? Yeah. But I, but I wouldn't do it

because of the, there's, you know, you get a brain injury and all that stuff. There's a lot of, there's a lot of punching. You could have a cauliflower here.

You could have a cauliflower face, really, at this point. You could become a cauliflower, like legitimately. Vegetable. You've been talking about it a lot lately. Boxing, you want to. Boxing, MMA, or like a strongman competition.

Oh my gosh. Did you know there's a wrestler that you look a little like? Is that right? Yeah, I'm going to look it up. Keep talking. Hulk Hogan. It is. I don't know if you've heard of him.

His name is Andre the Giant. Have you heard of him? He's very... He's new, but he's strong. He's strong. He's big. Yeah, maybe I need to do... Maybe I need a hobby.

Maybe that's what all of this is angling toward. I feel like you might go to a dojo. Yeah, dojo. The thing about going to one of those is it's going to be always one guy who takes a two oh god yeah two one guy that wears

like a feather in his ear for some reason I didn't mean dojo I meant fro-yo ooh now that's nice I might go to a fro-yo I feel like you should

yeah it's eating my open side that I'm on one right now it's eating me up that I can't eat it up oh my god okay what's this guy

did you find him no I'm gonna look at it I'm't eat it up. Oh, my God. Okay. What's this guy? Did you find him? No, I'm going to look at it. I'm going to find him. I want to know your Google search terms. What's that? What did you put in Google? I put in WWE wrestling. And then in the background, I'm going to put in parentheses Graham Clark.

See what happens. Probably not going to come up. But there was like. Wrestling Beardo. Yeah. There was a reality show about like, I think, wrestlers in love. I might be paraphrasing. Wrestlers in love?

Wrestlers in love. And he's one of the married ones. And that's who he is. Sorry, ladies. I mean, I just want to say. Okay, no, Dave, what would you try? He wants to box. I want to serve.

Like a quick paced walk. Yeah. Like writing haikus. Oh, what would, um, no, I don't want to try anything. I don't actually, no, I know. Learning new stuff is overrated. You know what? I sometimes go swimming.

Oh, my. But I also, if too many people look like they're too good at swimming, I will just be like, you know what? I'll just go to the steam room. Yeah, no, I mean, like swimming, I'm very impressed with swimming. I don't want to slow down the other people. Oh, yeah. Don't get in the way.

I can swim all right, but I'm the slowest. But are you doing a proper stroke? Because I think swimming is sort of like flailing underwater. Yeah. Right? It's a doggy. It's just keeping yourself off. You're trying to live.

I'm trying to not this guy. This is the guy. This him. This is him. This him. This him is. Oh, yeah. I can see him.

Oh, yeah. Danielryan is that his name his name yeah look at you you knew i feel like you could be his brother yeah him and i feel like we could hang out i'm just saying all right so i win everything and uh congratulations you're very welcome i mean what thank you oh graham um can i google uh other things of other men with beards yes so there's this band from texas there's two guys with beards. Yes. So there's this band from Texas. There's two guys with beards. I'm going to say Zed Zed. Whoa. I'll just use it. Google

music group and it'll come up probably. Music group slash beard. One of the other things that I've always been intimidated to try, but I think you've done it in real life. Horseback riding? Yeah, but only for that show to try, but I think you've done it in real life. Horseback riding? Yeah, but only for that show. Yeah, but you did it though. I sat on a horse.

You sat on a horse. And it was very traumatizing. And the horse moved. You did. For the horse, stop it. You stop it. Let me say something. It was, you know, they're very big.

Yes. If we don't know this about horses, they're very tall. And they're all giant muscles. Yeah, this was a very nice horse. What was her name? I can't remember. She was so nice. We should have kept in touch.

I can't believe. I let it down. I stopped writing. I'm not going to lie. Send her apple slices in the mail. Please stop sending me apple slices. I did this for an episode of Mr. D. But on the day of the, you know, of course, they just, like, there was no me not doing it. They're like, you'll do it. I was the, and you know, of course they just like, they,

there was no me not doing it. They're like, you'll do it. And I was like, I really won't. And they're like, you will. And I was like,

I want, you will, you want, I will. And it just, they didn't care. I was like, should I be getting like,

like extra pay for this? No, I was like, thank you Canada. Like, okay. Um, but they,

they had like an actual cowboy on set. Yes. He was the nicest man alive. Like I was just like, I love a cowboy man. He was so nice to me. Cowboy hat? Yeah, yep. Full gear.

And it was just like, he was like, this is what we're going to do. We met the horse. We hung out with the horse. He helped me get on. He helped me get off. It was a whole thing. Wow. I mean, like I literally like clung to him for like dear life.

He was good. But you did. But I did do it. You're right. And there's even like film, you know. Yeah, life. He was good. But you did it. But I did do it. You're right. And there's even film proof. Yeah, yeah. Filmed proof. Have you ever ridden a horse?

No. No. Do you want to? No. Me neither. Never again. Oh, you know what? I would do, what's the one where they-

There we go, man. No, where they rope a calf. Oh, my God. You would do that? You would like to do rodeo. You would like to do a rodeo my God. He would do that? He would like to do rodeo. He would like to do a rodeo. Yeah, I would do that. Do they,

where can I train for that? He's like the bull. I meant bull riding. Yeah. Not horses too slow, but a bull might be your speed. What's the deadly one? The chuck wagon races?

What's the one that will make for sure paralyze me? Yeah. That's the one. That's the one. You know what? This year I'm going to joust. I like it.

I like it. What about fencing? Would you ever fence? That seems exhausting. Yeah, I don't think I would. I could see you in a fencing outfit. So could I. Totally.

Yeah. 100%. I mean, it's very, very posh. It's very posh. You would pull it off big time. But like there's posh. It's very posh. You would pull it off big time. But like, there's so much. There's a lot to it.

And I wouldn't like, I don't want to go on. I don't want to do any other. I don't want to like go on a boat. I don't think you have to go on a boat defense. No, I know. I'm just trying to think of other activities. I don't like boats either. I don't want to sail.

I have no desire to sail. I don't want to canoe. Oh, goodness. I kind of want to sail. I have no desire to sail. I don't want to canoe. I kind of want to canoe. Yeah, I kind of want to canoe. Like, there's something tranquil whereas sailing seems like everything would be freaking out. There's just cables and wind and death and all the

canoeing does seem very chill. And you could just have a sandwich out there in the water. If you can eat have a sandwich. I can. Right? Yes. Out there on the water. If you can eat while boating, you're great. Like if you're, yeah, exactly. You're good. That's why I love the ferry.

I canoed at camp. Yeah. And that was a good time. Not actually, when I say good time, I'm lying a little. We did learn to camp and I learned to canoe at camp. So I was like, what, 11 and 12 the years I went to camp. Did you love camp? I loved camp.

I loved camp. Yeah. My uncle owned a camp in Huntsville, Ontario, which is like super good. Owned a camp? Yeah. Called Pioneer Camp. So good. It never occurred to me that people own camp.

Yeah, exactly. There's someone that owns it. My uncle Peter and my auntie Barbara, they owned the camp. Wow. And it was, oh my gosh. Was it their main thing? It was their whole thing. That's all they did.

They were the camp. So they got like half the year off. Pretty much. They also, they did winter camp though. There was winter camp. Winter camp. Yeah. It was so, it was so fun.

It was in Huntsville, literally on the lake was called Lake Clearwater. No joke. And it was just, it was so fun. I loved camp. But I was just, it was so fun. I loved camp. But I was also one of those kids, though, like I was always desperate to wait to be away from my family. I was always one of those. Like my, because, you know, my twin sister, we would go together and my cousin Christina, the three of us all the same age. So we all went for the same session of camp.

And my sister Joanne would cry every day. I want to go home. And then when they came to pick us up, I was like, I want to stay. Don't make me leave. I want to go home. And then when they came to pick us up, I was like, I want to stay. Please don't make me leave. I loved it so much. Now, your family, at one point, is it true that you fell asleep in the car? No, that is a fake story.

I don't know where you heard that from. But yeah, I loved that. What was your favorite thing at camp? I think there was a lot of outdoors. We did archery. We did canoeing. There was swimming. There was crafts. a lot of outdoors we did um archery we did we did canoeing there was swimming there was crafts a lot of singing uh which is really traditional oh it was super duper like old i mean like this was in the 80s my dad like it was i know wow we did archery oh we had so much fun i did but it was i just felt like it was a bad idea while i was doing it i was like why are

we letting kids have these weapons? I remember when I went to camp, you had to sign up for whatever program you wanted to do for that week. And I remember once I did water skiing. I did it once, and I was like, nope, no more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I showed up every day to the water skiing place. Four of those five days, I was just was just like no I'm not doing it

I'm just going to watch I'll watch and same with archery and same with riflery oh my gosh like literally I think I shot a gun once and it was like

a little tiny I've never shot a gun don't have any desire to have you shot a gun? yeah have you? yeah a couple of times did you like it?

I didn't really it's more like it feels more like a... It feels more like a power tool than what you... In the movies, there's no kickback. Yeah. It hurts.

Because I did it as a kid and then I tried it as an adult at a bachelor party. And it was so... That was one of the games, one of the drinking games. You can kill the groom. Mame the groom.

Take a shot. It was very jarring. And hot. The shells come out so hot. Yeah. And you have to wait an hour to eat them. You got to wait until they cool. I'll give you an upset, Tommy.

Yeah, but no, camp for us was like, I don't remember signing up for anything. It was just like, those were the things we did. That was just, just getting up and doing it. I camp. I think,

uh, I liked the carving. They would, Oh yeah. We had whittling. There was things like that. Arts and crafts was fun. Yeah.

Yeah. But we like, I remember we would get up every morning and like, it was, you know, early, right. We slept outside in chalets,

you know, so it was like, we were outside, but we were covered, you know, and they, every morning we would, up every morning and like it was you know early right we slept outside in chalets you know so it was like we were outside but we were covered you know and they every morning we would all the little groups all the different houses and all your different little your uh with your uh counselor uh we'd sing uh awake alive alert awake alive and ready to work alert awake alive live away to learn. We, you know, that was it. I'm ready to work.

There was a lot of singing. There was a lot of singing. It sounds so joyous. It sounds like a work camp. Yeah, it was. Then we would break stones for an hour or so every day. Make small wallets. And yeah. Yeah, it was fun.

I did. I made a wallet at camp that then I actually, like I actually used for several years. Hey, that's nice. That's nice. That's very fun. And I do remember like, so the one year that you were 12, right? There was boys camp. So we're at girls camp and boys camp was across the lake.

This is classic. Right? It's classic. Absolutely. And we would canoe over on Sundays for church, right? So there'd be church on Sundays. It was like a Christian camp, but I don't remember

it being Christian camp, but it was, now that I know enough. Yeah, you had a breakthrough. You know what I mean? We would go over and I still remember to this day. So the counselors were

probably like 17, 18, 19 years old. Right. And no one used their real name. They all had nicknames. And I remember, like to this day, some of the male boy counselors were the hottest guys I've ever seen in my life. Target, Hondo, like, seriously.

I remember Hondo like it was yesterday. Blue eyes, black hair, and I'm 12. Like, yikes! He was, I mean, my God. He sounds like a vampire. I don't know where Hondo came from i don't want to ask but target was of course the archery teacher he was so hot why not bullseye i know camp is fraught with sexual tension yeah i mean we were very we i

remember our counselors had nicknames too i remember remember one year it was Otis. Oh. I don't know why. Yeah. And then one year it was Isuzu. Isuzu? Because he reminded everyone of Joe Isuzu. I don't know. Is he a sports person? No, he was the Isuzu automobiles. Okay.

David Leisure from Empty Nest. Empty Nest. Played this fast talking car salesman named Joe Isuzu. My, my one year, uh, my counselor was tenderfoot cause she couldn't walk on stones barefoot. So everyone called her tenderfoot.

And then my other one was roots. And I think it's cause she wore a lot of roots clothing and she was a model. Like she was 18 and she was, we loved her so much. She was so cool. Wow. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. This is, this is the most ringing endorsement of camp I think I've ever heard. I'm telling you, like, I feel very lucky to have gone. Like, it was like, you know, sleepaway camp. We got dropped off. We were gone for two weeks. Yeah.

Oh, gosh, it was so much fun. I just remember, I've told this story before, but the one year, like, I went to the same camp maybe three years. And on the third year, we were about 12. Yep. I mean, a bunch of friends and but there were these tough boys who were like pranksters and mean and their first like the camp was at this uh there was a lake at the bottom of the hill and then this huge asphalt road up uh where like they would you know drive things down and deliver

yeah and these two 12 year old boys I'd never met before showed up on the first day at the top of the hill and both made themselves barf to see whose barf would go the furthest down the hill counselor Johnny Knoxville like that oh my god that's a stupid thing to do. Why would they do that? Boys are weird. Boys are dumb. And then at the end of the week when we were doing our skits, we did one about crisscross,

which was the hot backwards closed group of the time. Oh, gosh, yeah. Crisscross is going to something. They're going to do something. They're going to get you. And they're going to sort they're gonna get ya and yeah you know this they're gonna sort you out

they are gonna I'm gonna cross you and so we were wearing backwards clothes for our skit and they were like

you're not wearing backwards clothes cause you know our friend who died used to wear backwards clothes oh my gosh you're not disrespecting

our friend are you and we were like no we're doing the no, we're doing the famous thing. We're doing this cross, tough boys. And then, okay, I'll go puke

at the top of the hill. Yeah, we had a talent show too. There was always, there's always a talent show at some point. Me, my sister Joanna, my cousin Christina, this is too old,

you're never going to remember this. The guitar. It was the A535 commercials where they used to do bodybuilding poses to the song and their

with their muscles they would jolt their muscles. So we thought it was the funniest thing in the world and that's what we did. We got a huge laugh. Of course. Huge laugh.

Kids making fun of ads. Ads was so It was the best. Ridiculous. Yeah. But yeah, we had fun. It was very good times. I loved it.

I loved it. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. See? We went down this beautiful. I loved it. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. See? We went down this beautiful. Beautiful little camp road. Yeah.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, you were talking about making a wallet and using that wallet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have this problem where my wallet always stinks. What? Why? Because I keep it by my butt and my butt sweats but then it can never lose the stink

and then it just smells like butt smells like butt sweat oh my god but you keep it in like jeans

you don't keep it next I've got a real furnace down there I get that I hear that

I get that and so like you know I try not to keep it in my back pocket in the summer. And then eventually one day will be extra hot and the wallet will be ruined forever. But I'm not just going to buy new. And like the leather will get all bubbly from my bubbly butt.

Oh my God. Where it's just, it's sticky to the touch almost. Yeah. If it was cloth, it would have sweat marks. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway. What can you do?

You can get maybe a vinyl, maybe a metal. I could. Yeah. Yeah, I mean. I feel like you should start carrying a purse. Yeah, I think that's. A clutch. Yeah.

But the other day I went, it was the hockey game I went to a couple weeks ago. On the way back, I stopped at Wendy's because I didn't get enough ice cream at the hockey game. I had to have a frostbite. Like you do. Yeah. Then I came home, and I had a bit of garbage in my car. I threw out all the garbage and went inside. I was getting ready for bed and realized, oh, I left my earbuds in the car. I don't really want to go out and realized oh i uh left my earbuds in the car

i don't really want to go out and get them i left my wallet in the car it's fine oh and then uh the next morning i uh uh the dog pooped in the yard so i i picked up the poop and put it in the garbage and uh looked in the garbage and i had put my wallet in the garbage all the time with your earbuds too no my earbuds were still in the car but like as i was throwing out wendy's stuff i i uh threw out my wallet and just didn't even think about like oh it's i'm sure it's fine it's fine so dump it's fine so speaking of a stinky wallet yeah now it's now it's been now it's garbage and like it was really that day it had fumes coming off it well time i think time for a new wallet no uh never i think a baggie just a

plastic baggie yeah with just the loose cards no with yes there we go but it'll have that seal the yellow the yellow and blue makes great and then the you know it's safe the next day i took the dog for a walk and uh then uh came home went to bed the next morning i was like i cannot find my keys anywhere and i think it was a saturday i didn't need my keys like i wasn't going anywhere head out to your usual spot the garbage i did but i was like i have to check the garbage i'm like i'm i'm not dumb enough to have done this as well i've had my keys since i did it to my wallet yeah no uh not in there didn't need my keys all day and it was fine but then it was really bothering me and i have this tile the tile like tracker okay So I knew it was on the premises of my house.

I knew it hadn't been stolen. Right. But like it's my, like you're supposed to hit a button on your phone and it makes the, it makes a noise. Your keys will make a noise. Right. Jingle, jingle. Yeah. And I, that part hasn't worked on it for months.

So I couldn't, I could never like, everyone be quiet. My keys are ringing. I couldn't do that. And then eventually I was like, well, I'm not dumb enough to have just left them in the front door for 18 hours, am I? Yes, you are. Are you kidding? Yeah. You know what the funny thing is?

They were fine. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You think you do something like this and you're done. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. We Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You think you do something like this, then you're done. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. We're not.

Just in Canada? Probably. Yeah. I mean, remember there was like a Michael Moore documentary. He just went and like opened people's front door. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like that still happens. Yeah. You think so? Yeah. I think like. Like where? Like middle America? Where?

Saskatoon? Saskatoon yeah for sure yeah like i feel like you just walk into any house you know someone was saying like um i had not a friend whatever a guy that i was like is he are you a friend he was probably a friend for a while then i was like i realized i hate you yeah he's not my friend but he was one of those dudes that like he thought he was right all the time. And he actually once said to me, I'm never wrong. And I was like, well, that is literally the dumbest thing you can say to anyone. Because of course you are. And he believed it.

Narcissist, I guess. And when I would lock my apartment door, he would mock me. He'd be like, that's so stupid. If someone wants in, they're getting in. And I was like, well, then so just let me lock it then. And it used to bother him that I would lock my apartment door. He's like, that's just dumb. And I was like, that's just dumb.

And I was like, it's a second of my time. Yeah. Let me have a dumb second. I don't care. They're just going to let them, you know, let's make it a little difficult for them. Yeah.

And also if you're just going to check and handle, you know, the one that's locked, maybe you don't. Maybe the one you go, I'll try the next one. Yeah. Like,

like not everyone who's going to your house wants to do a home invasion, but like they may want to steal a laptop and leave. Yes, exactly. Maybe not like, dude, damn it, come on. And that's why I always leave a laptop in a bag hanging on the... With a sign that says laptop, big arrow. I know. I used to work with a guy whose house got broken into all the time.

So much so that he had an extra laptop lying around. Just like, you're going to break into my house, take this and leave. This is what you want. Yeah. One time someone just left a belt. So he was pretty sure that someone just came and did heroin. Oh no.

He didn't have a tray, take a belt, leave a belt. Oh, he did. Yeah, he did. Okay. It was a weird Western 7-Eleven. I had a friend who,

in Vancouver years ago, years and years ago, whose car got broken in so much that he just stopped fixing the windows and was pretty much just a sign that said, come take a look. Yeah, I know people who don't lock their doors. Over and over again. Yeah, as opposed to having your window smashed.

Yeah. Wow. Go on, have them root around. People leaving their glove box open. Or whatever. Any unnecessary belongings.

Yeah, it's the big one for a cash business is to put the cash drawer in the window. How much does a cash drawer in the window like it's i mean you how much does cash drawer cost a couple bucks yeah you could put it just to say like we don't have any cash on this kind of thing yeah like this is we've emptied it out for the night yeah so don't smash have you ever been the victim of a crime yeah well uh when i uh i've lived in a couple places

that have been broken into and car broken into several times. Oh, gosh. Yeah. But there's nothing to steal, but that's the big problem. Yeah. The glass. Yeah. Like they smash, they steal the thing.

The thing they steal is whatever. It was CDs at the time. Yeah. But it was the window. Yeah. How much does that cost to get replaced? A couple hundred bucks. Yeah, yeah. And so I'd have to go to the pick apart place because I had an old junkie car and I'd have

to go find a car that was like my car and get a window there, then take it to the window place. Steal that window, bring it to the window place. Yeah. It creates, it's a circle, a cycle of violence, you know? Yeah. But yeah. You?

Never. Never? Never. Now that I'm saying it, I'm kind of like, oh, I'm. Really? But yeah, you? Never. Never? Never? Now that I'm saying it, I'm kind of like, oh, I'm in trouble. Any crime?

You've never been, you've never, I've never been, you've never been phone scammed? Bugged? Jay walked on? No. No.

No one's ever given you the finger? Jay walked into me. It's illegal, isn't it? I'm pretty sure it's illegal. No. Wow. Oh,

oh, oh. Well, that doesn't mean you're due. Okay. Well, because I've never had a car, so I've never had a car broken into, so it's illegal. No. Wow. Well, that doesn't mean you're due. Okay. Well, because I've never had a car, so I've never had a car broken into. So that's fine. I've never had an apartment broken into.

No. Yeah. I've never had a purse snatching. I've never been bugged. You have a boring life. You're yawning. I just desperately needed air. That's fine.

But did I tell you about the homeless man that was after me for about a year in Toronto? My first year in Toronto, when I went to this art school, I lived in an old, like it was a residence, but just for female students. So all you had to be was a student and a female. That was it. Okay. And the counselor's names were? And the cat, Tenderfoot. And it was at the corner of Church and Carlton. So it was like just on the edge of the gay neighborhood. Okay. And the counselor's names were? And the cat, Tenderfoot. And it was at the corner of Church and Carlton.

So it was like just on the edge of the gay neighborhood. Right. And like right, like kitty corner from the Maple Leaf Gardens. Yeah, yeah. Where the Maple Leaf Gardens used to be. And on the first floor, there was, it was basically like housing for mentally handicapped and mentally and physically disabled people. All right. There we go.

And then the rest of it, all girls. Right. All girls students. It was super cheap. It was like $40 a month. Right. It was, but it was residence. I lived with four other girls. Yeah. You know, blah, blah, there we go. And then the rest of it, all girls, all girls students. It was super cheap. It was like $40 a month, right? But it was residence. I lived with four other girls and you know, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I was probably in Toronto maybe a couple months. And I remember it being a beautiful day and I was walking across the street. I remember the day, it was lovely,

I was smiling and living my life. And from across the street, I saw like a little blur like that. Like, what's that? And it was a man hurtling after me. And like, you have that moment where you're like, this isn't happening.

He's not coming for me. And he was. And he was so upset. Like, he was screaming, what are you smiling about? And he grabbed me by the hair and started to drag me into traffic. That's a crime.

That's a crime. That's a crime. This is a crime. This is a crime. But like my brain was like, he didn't take anything. He just hurt my body. Yeah. But yeah, like my ponytail. He had my ponytail and I was being dragged along.

And then luckily a couple stopped it. Like the man kind of like punched the dude in the face, got me away. And the lady he was with kind of took me in the man, like, you know, held the guy down and then we called the police and whatever. And he was a little crazy man. And during this entire time,

he was screaming, I will get you. I will get you. I will. I know you and I will get you. So I'm 19. I'm bored. This story is boring.

This is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Yeah. This is so crazy. So then I went, I went, um, I went, I was within blocks of my apartment, right? I could see that. So I went home. This nice couple got me to my apartment building. And there was, you know, a security guard there.

And they told him what happened and blah, blah. And they was like, okay, go upstairs. So I went to my roommates. I was very upset. I was totally crying. And then like four hours later, I had to go work at the second cup coffee shop. Oh, yeah. So I was like, all right.

Put my little uniform on, ready to go. I come downstairs and the security guard says,. Oh yeah. So I was like, all right, put my little uniform on, ready to go. I come downstairs and the security guard says, you can't leave. I'm like, excuse me. And he's like, he's outside.

How did he know where you went? I, he must've watched. He was, yeah. So he, or maybe he'd been watching me. I have no idea.

This man was very unhappy with me. And so he was just like, yeah, I don't think he's like, that's him. Right. And I was like, yeah,

that's him. He was just pacing, screaming in front of my apartment. This is insane. And so he was just like, yeah, I don't think he's like, that's him, right? And I was like, yeah, that's him. He was just pacing, screaming in front of my apartment. This is insane. And you don't eat, sleep, and drink fashion. You should not be in the program.

Yeah. That's exactly what he was saying. Wow. And it was, but so like, now that I think about it, it's like, did the cops come?

I don't remember. I don't think they did. I think it was just sort of like, get him off me. Cause I was like, who would have called the cops who didn't have cell phones? So no, we couldn't have called the cops.? I don't remember. I don't think they did. I think it was just sort of like, get him off me. Cause I was like, who would have called the cops? We didn't have cell phones. So no,

we couldn't have called the cops. Anyway, it was, you know, 90, 1990. Anyway. So then I was just like,

so I had to call. I can't come to work. And then, you know what? Fine. Forget about it. You know, a couple of days,

all nervous. And then what? Fast forward, like four or five months. And now I'm at the Eaton center with my roommate, Lynn, and we're crossing the intersection at the Eaton Center with my roommate Lynn, and we're crossing the intersection at the Eaton Center. And literally Lynn does a, what's that? Like,

what's going on? A little scuffle. And a man is hurtling himself through traffic at me. I found you, he's screaming. And it's the man. We had to run into a bank and he came, it was just, I was like, what are you talking about? and he came. It was just, it was like, what are you talking about? And he came bolting through the bank. And like, he was like the, I still remember the look on his face.

He was, he was, Oh, he wanted to hurt me. Like he was, I, and just screaming. I found you.

I will get you. This is it. You thought you could get away from me. I mean, this is like five or six months later. What was your twin sister up to at the time? Nothing like, but still, and it was, so it was, it six months later. What was your twin sister up to at the time? We're fraternal, nothing like, but still. And it was really scary.

And then like that was that. The security guard took him down. I'm pretty sure the cops were called at that point. And then fine. They're like, you know, are you girls okay? And then we walked home. Me and Lynn walked home together and then fine. And then I saw him probably about like 14 or 15 years later.

Like, you know, you just think. No way. You just think, okay, no, I'm fine, whatever. And I knew it was him. I just knew it was him. And I just saw it. I looked at him and I was like, and there he is, little tiny guy.

He was probably only about five feet two. And nothing that time, but he was just standing in the middle of traffic wearing a bathrobe, a captain's hat and an ascot. Directing traffic. Graham, I want to know more about tracking down this car window. Yeah. So that was my car. I mean, yeah, it was like. That's insane. I want to know more about trying down this car window. Yeah.

So that was my crime. I mean, yeah, it was insane. I know he was just, he, like he was, he was a crazy little man.

I don't know how you thought even for a second that you had not. Is that really a crime? Anyway. So then there was the time. Let's think of another thing. Wow. Yeah. It was super scary. Let's think of another thing. Wow. Yeah, it was super scary. That was very scary.

I'm surprised that you had the gumption to stay in the city. I can see his face right now. Like, I can picture his face. I would have left the city. White hair. Yeah. I wouldn't have. A captain was after me.

Sure. Are you kidding me? I mean, where was his boat was my question. I mean. But seriously, bathrobe, ascot, captain's hat. Sounds like L. Ron Hubbard it does actually sounds like a crazy

little man what's going on with you Graham so Graham have you been attacked by a small myth yeah actually the first year

that I lived in Vancouver were you attacked by a small myth I went to film school right on Hastings and so really really rough neighborhood and multiple times i

would i didn't have any money i literally had no money and people would always ask for change and i would say i don't have it yeah and on numerous occasions i got pushed up against the wall or or screamed at because they're not mugged but mad like mad that i didn't have change and because i think they would see me come out of the school yeah and they'd think you got your fancy backpack yeah

I was wearing my Jordache jeans and my fancy backpack and your Wranglers yeah yeah I was wearing all roots they called me roots

I mean you know what I mean but yeah I got I cost it but never yeah yeah there was

I remember there was a time in Toronto like there was this was a legit thing a guy I think like they were after him. That used to like clothesline people in Toronto. Like that was like, seriously. I mean, that's the dream.

Just like knock me, I mean, a little bit, a little bit. Was he just a big like 10 year old? Yeah, can you imagine? He was just a big, weird child. Did he? Yeah, he was a crazy dude. And he just, just angrily, just in the, when usually, you know,

crossing the street or something and take people down just really yeah yeah yeah but imagine like because you do have

that impulse when you're crossing the street you're like I could just and then there was another dude that used to just

there was a lot there was a lot of them like you know you lived in Toronto you saw the same guys over and over again then there was a guy that used to just

stand on the street holding a sign that said I love you you're beautiful and like I know and he'd walk past he'd be like I love you. You're beautiful. And like, I know. And he'd be like,

I love you. You're beautiful. He'd be like, okay. It was still weird though. Like you were still a little scared of him. You're like, how much do you love me?

Please don't come at me. But I love you. You're beautiful. Sign. I love you. You're like, okay. Thanks weirdo.

Wow. God people. That's, you know, it's sad though. It's sad. They got trouble. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. They got troubles. But the fact that you stayed in the city after all that. Yeah, what was I going to do? I don't know. You know what I mean? You're tough.

I'm one tough customer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They call me Wrangler. Anyway, thank you very much. Love that. Hey, hey, hey. So what else is going on? Yeah, what's going on with you?

Well, in my capacity as a West Coast correspondent for This Hour is 22 Minutes. Oh my gosh. Yeah. How's that going? Good. Oh, it's fun. And this week. Did they make you ride a horse?

Yeah. No, but I would. I bet you would. You would. Of course you would. Yeah, you totally would. But I did another thing with an animal.

I went to a yoga class that specializes snakes. That's not at all fun. Yeah, it was. What are they? Why? I want to know everything. Snake yoga.

Yeah, snake yoga. Snake yoga. Shut up. I'm sorry. Erase. Delete. It's a couple that that's what they do. They have snakes.

Oh, no. They are weird. They are weird. They have snakes. No, they are weird. They are weird. They have snakes for everything. Yeah. For every occasion. And, and it was a yoga studio in a North van.

And, and they said to me before we started, they're like, you're not afraid of snakes, are you? And I said, and then in my head, I was like,

huh, am I? It's not an active. Yeah, it was. And they said, okay, well, I'm going to pull it. I'm going to my head I was like, huh, am I? It's not an active fear. Let's find out. It was. And they said, okay, well,

I'm going to put, it was a boa constrictor. Was this a private lesson? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to put this on your shoulder. It was a big,

like the one that Britney Spears. Oh my gosh. It was like that. I'm a slave for you. They would choke you to death, right? And it got around my neck and it was like that. I'm a slave for you. They're the ones that they would choke you to death, right? And it got around my neck.

Oh, my God. It was really scary. That is awful. Because at first, it's just kind of hanging. And then it started, like, actually constricting. And not to the point that I had to get them to do. Well, at one point, I was like, okay, like, it's starting to. What's your safe word?

Yeah. get them to do and well at one point i was like okay like it's starting to what's your safe word yeah but uh it was it was uh it's weird it's like it's just because it's all muscle so it's just like having this giant like thigh thing that's what it's like it's like just having a thigh around your neck yeah it's the whole kogan called them as pythons oh my gosh he was not wrong see i just i just as we said boa constrictor my brain was like boa constrictor and then i thought about it boa is like the feather thing you wear around your shoulders yeah yeah and it constrict i get it now i've just had that moment where i was like oh clever yeah that's very clever yeah yeah okay, and did you do yoga with it? Did you do shavasana? I did a tree pose. I did a couple, an archer pose maybe. What is, what do the snakes add to the yoga?

Yeah. Except for disgusting. Are they just on you? Slimy element. They're not slimy. They're dry. They're dry as all get out. Seriously?

Yeah, yeah. Not slimy at all. They're just like. I feel like they would be damp. No, they're like, they're like a boot. A boot? Yeah, they're just like i feel like they would be damp no they're like they're like a boot a boot yeah they're just like just like a leather our american listeners about um but yeah not slimy not wet just just but heavy i bet like heavy and and uh and strong and strong do they smell weird they smell a little yeah Do they smell weird? They smell a little, yeah. Do they smell weird or just the environment that a snake owner provides?

Yes. I feel like they might. You know what I mean? They smell like, you remember old sex shops? Remember you'd go to the dirty bookstore or whatever? They always had a weird smell. Am I right? A little too much latex in there.

Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah. Dollar stores also have it. Oh, they have it. They have plastic. Yes. It's? Yeah. Yeah. Dollar stores also have it. Oh, they have a thing. It's cheap plastic.

Yeah. Now, people that own snakes, what is your story? I mean, they're low, they're like low maintenance pets. Well, yeah. But they're like a forever pet. Yeah. Yeah. That's not like you, it's not a gerbil. No.

In fact, you maybe have several gerbils through your door, you know. I wonder how long a snake lives. I'm guessing 700 years. I'm guessing like 50 years. There's still

the original snakes are kicking around. 50 years? I feel like 50 years seems... So boa constrictor is that what I should look up? And it was.

It was like the same kind of size as the one that Britney Spears in that video it's a very big snake was hers albino

it was a slave yeah that's what I believe it was a slave I'm just I'm a slave for you 25 to 30 years

for a boa constrictor whoa yeah that's a long time but you only the guy you could have gotten one

when you started stand up yes and have another 10 years with it. Oh my gosh, and we'd be together. That's what my act is missing. Yeah, just going up there with a snake. Debra and the snakes.

So these people, these snake people, did you feel like they were already snake people that became yoga people or yoga people that became snake people? They were snake people. They're like circus folk. Oh, goodness. Yeah. So snakes and circus.

Do you feel like they're also swingers? I feel like they might be. Yeah. Don't you feel like snake yoga swinging? It's all those kind of silk pillows.

Is the class usually with multiple people in it? Yeah. They had just done the very first one the day before. I'm going to guess that this doesn't last very long. I wonder, though. I don't know.

Because people here are nuts about the yoga. Well, we like the yoga. What about the, I thought, you know, there's a goat yoga. Have you seen this? No. Yeah, in Los Angeles, you can pay to do yoga with baby goats. Not to be confused with goat yoga. Not to be confused with throat yoga. Not to be confused with throat yoga.

Throat yoga. Yeah. That sounds disgusting. It is disgusting. It really is. Like, why don't you just call it phlegm and like, let's move it on. Right. But you know what I mean?

Like, I guess the little goats stand on you when you're doing yoga. Adorable. Which is pretty cute. Yeah. It's pretty cute. And that's literally what the snakes do and we hate it. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. So what other things have you done? For the show? I went to just recently a My Little Pony convention. Oh, my God. See, I don't get it in Canada, but I would watch it if I knew you were a part of it. Yeah. Why not?

Yeah. Because you're a lot of fun. Thanks. You are. So My Little Pony convention. Yeah. Yeah. Were they mad at you?

No. They were very welcoming. And they were like you? No. They were very welcoming. And they were like, we get, that was the thing. The guy that organized it, when we asked him, he's like, so you're going to come in and make fun of us. And you're like, yes, I am, sir. Yeah, we were like, yeah. We're going to have some fun. Is My Little Pony Convention exclusively bronies or are there kids there too?

Oh, my God. When we were there, it was the middle of the day. But yeah, there would there kids there too? Oh my God. Uh, the, when we were there it was the middle of the day. So, but yeah, there would be kids there.

Okay. People that would be there with their, what's your, what's your next? Uh, we're working, working on it.

Yeah. We're trying to figure that out, but yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, uh,

I like it. Yeah. It's, uh, but yeah, when you hook one of these up, like the, the, my little pony guy was like, you're going to make fun of us. I get it. Yeah. It's, uh, but yeah, when you hook one of these up, like the,

the, my little pony guy was like, you're going to make fun of us. I get it. Yeah. Where the snake people like that or is how often are, cause it's not, it's a comedy show.

People know that. Yeah. Yeah. So there, everybody, you're not Borat going to, I'm not Borat. Although I do wear heavy prosthetics.

That's my own choosing. I don't want anyone to recognize me. No one at all. Mr. Big Face. Oh, my God. The new Borat show, Mr. Big Face. Mr. Big Face. I can't do it.

I was going to try. I can't. I'm not going to. Well, that's fine. Thank you. Do we want to move on? No. Do people... Yes, we do. Yeah. no do people do people yes we do yeah but do people

uh know what they're getting into usually yeah because they've seen the show yeah and they they get it yeah they get it like and and the the snake people they had been interviewed so many times because it's so weird yeah yeah they're ready for it yeah and so they were like we've been on tv in new zealand and there's a german uh news show that german fetish site we're on exactly oh my gosh um well i didn't know you got the gig congratulations thank you that's nice you're a good addition to that show um and yeah i got to hold a snake which i would never done why would you yeah and i don't know that i'll do it again fair enough yeah if someone asked you are you afraid of snakes would, why would you? Yeah, and I don't know that I'll do it again. Fair enough. Yeah. If someone asked you, are you afraid of snakes?

Would you, what would you say? Yes. What if someone said spider? Yeah. Yes. I don't have preconceived snake fears, but as I would touch one, if someone wanted to put one on me. Was like, yeah, try this out.

You're safe. I don't know. I don't. But spiders, no way. I did a thing with spiders. No, no, no, nope. With a spider wrangler where it was. No, I don't like any of that. Yeah. I'll stop thing with spiders. No, no, no, nope. With a spider wrangler where it was. No, I don't like any of that.

Yeah. I'll stop you right there. I am, you know, and I know it's, it feels, I feel like it's, it's cliche. Do you know what I mean? Like, of course the woman's right into the spider, but I really am. Yeah. I don't like that. They're too fast.

They skitter. They move too quickly. Where did you go? I don't like that. I think it has something to do. They must have been bigger than us at some point

at some point and it's somewhere in your lizard brain that you're like I'm afraid of this but I also I just don't they're really quick

where are they going you know what I mean where do you have to be I feel like it's going to get in me somewhere I don't like it pull you by the ponytail you know what I'm saying

into traffic I once though there's a lot of spiders in California because it's a desert and I didn't know if I would have I once, though, there's a lot of spiders in California. Yeah. Because it's a desert. And if I would have known that, might have rethought it. A lot of spiders. And one time there was a very big spider in my kitchen.

And I panicked. I didn't know what to do. So I put a cup over it. Because I thought I would suffocate it and it would die. Yeah. I'll tell you something. It did not die. I feel like it gained power, to be honest.

I feel like it was. It was just in there working out. I feel like it was. This is where I'm going to lay my eggs. I live here out i feel like it was this is where i'm gonna lay my eggs i live here now this is it i mean i'm serious like i really feel i'm pretty sure it said my name at one point i really spelled out my name in a web and then we won a prize at the fair uh but no i'm serious i was and i i really thought it would suffocate and die and it no it did not yeah they don't need a lot of oxygen yeah okay let's move on i also don't like snakes and they also say that's women don't like snakes because

they say it's the fear of the penis anyway that makes sense that makes sense that sort of goes back to your life drawing do you know what i'm saying exactly this is all in fact i was drawing a snake when i really think about it one time it hissed at me, so that's how it goes. I'm not going to lie. That's it. One spit into a shy. Am I right? All right. Let's move on to some business.

Stop Podcasting Yourself is supported in part by Squarespace. Isn't that right, Graham? Graham? Ah, crap. I went to another region again. What is it you like about this? Well, they accept the diner's club card that I have, which is the only credit card I have. So I like that, that nobody makes a face when I hand over that card.

What's it like over there in the nether region? in the nether region well let me tell you um everything is the opposite of uh with the land that i just left where you are so over here uh nobody watches netflix everybody watches uh cable television and um the big bang theory is the least popular show. Oh, boy. And it's not funny. It's not funny here. It's hilarious where you are. Of course. And people play sports on Broadway and play two musicals in sports stadiums.

Well, also, I forgot that I'm probably also square face. So I'm the evil square face. Ooh, you don't want no part of me. Anyway. I thought Dick Tracy locked you up. No, I'm back. I'm going to get you. Here I come.

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So it's better where you are. Yeah, it sounds it. And a new way to buy domains and choose from over 200 extensions. I have 200 extensions in my hair. Oh no! Are they all different colors? Well, because I'm hair face. I forgot your square face is a partner in crime. Yeah, I'm sort of a bit of both. Well, make it stand out like the hair on my face.

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which is where I'm walking here in the nether region, and get back to the podcast. Not all heroes wear capes. Some heroes watch war movies and then review them. Friendly Fire is a war movie podcast for people who don't necessarily like war movies, although it does not exclude people who love war movies. I'll have you know that I am wearing a cape. My cape is just made of sound deadening material from an audio recording studio.

It's a really great show. John's daughter doesn't like it because we sometimes say swear words on it, but almost everybody else that has ever listened to it has enjoyed the program. Download and subscribe to Friendly Fire wherever you get your podcasts. To the victor go the spoiler alerts.

Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which we hear things out there in the world, share them here on the podcast. We always like to start with the guests. I know, I forgot about this section. Don't you worry. We'll go to Dave and me, and then if you remember, if it jogs anything loose, yeah.

Okay, I've got two. They're both from my four-year-old. Still counts? Yeah. Neither of them were said to me. They were both said to Abby. So the other day, Margo was painting. I think she was painting.

Yeah, probably. Yeah. Had some paints on. She's not doing wood burning yet. She's doing tanning leather nude drawings uh but uh yeah she so she was painting and then unprompted she just said uh after this i'm gonna wash my hands like a good american yeah absolutely what goes on in kids head yeah it's very funny and i was in a meeting at work and i got a phone call and i was like i can't i'm sorry i couldn't answer it and abby just

texted me mario just said something great that's funny and then another time this other one uh she said to abby uh and this was a complete non-itur. Wasn't doing anything around this. She said, sometimes at night, my brain knows what color a brain is. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Oh, that's great. Like when you can't sleep, I guess. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. And I would like to know. I mean, it's gray. Yeah. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky gray. Yeah.

Ooey. Ooey gooey. Ooey I mean, it's gray. Yeah. Pinky. Pinky. Pinky gray. Yeah. Ooey. Ooey gooey. Ooey gooey, rich and chewy. Oh no. Golden flaky, tender cakey. What is that?

Fig Newton. Oh. Yeah. Don't mind if I do. My overheard is a courtesy of, some of the buses in Vancouver are long. They're like super long buses and have an accordion in the middle.

And so people will stand up, uh, in line for three of the doors, like the weight. And so I was at the front of a line and I could hear a guy behind me saying to another guy who cut in the line or was just standing next to the line, he said, hey, there's a line here. And the guy, you could tell at first, was going to be a tough guy and then thought better of it immediately. He said, I don't see no line. And then he went, oh, a line. Like right away

he was like I can't pull this off I clearly see three lines I thought you meant lion yeah I thought you said lime

amazing they are now because when that started when the beeline started it was kind of they weren't like designated

lines. People just started forming lines. Yeah. But now there's like, it's written on the ground where to stand. At some of the stations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, but others, I feel like Canadians love lining up for things. Oh, yeah. Totally. Yeah. Like, that's a big Canadian thing. Although I feel

like at the airport, Americans do it way more. They line up? For zones. For their zones. Oh, right. Like you get, you've got 45 minutes before you're boarding

and you're already lined up in zone four. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. That zone four is a real catch all. Zone four, it'll getcha. I don't have an overheard, but like what you constantly overhear in LA,

just every single conversation is about the industry. Right. And it's just, you just hear little snippets of like, every single conversation is about the industry. Right. And it's just, you just hear little snippets of like, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. He said I was the freshest, you know, like that. Like just like little things that you're like, yeah, he said that a thousand times.

You know, it's got legs. I say we put it down on paper. You're like, there's just, you just, the most cliche sitcom-y, like this can't be real. Like you're really having this conversation and they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That just. Imagine being told that you were fresh. Yeah, no, this can't be real. Like, you're really having this conversation and they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That just, Imagine being told

that you were fresh. Yeah, no. Exactly. The freshest he's ever seen. Yeah, exactly. And like, oh, you know what?

We've overheard, definitely me and my friends overheard about, you know what you need to do? You just do some stand-up comedy. Oh, yeah. Give that a couple years

and then, you know, you think so, I'm telling you, that's how you make it. Oh, it was Steph Tolev who was like overheard someone say, oh, so my agent says I'm supposed to do five minutes at the improv? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, God. Is there a lot of that? A lot of that. Yeah. A lot of that. A lot of very beautiful people doing stand-up. Yeah, or attempting what they think is stand-up. Do you know, just because we said Steph Tolev, and I missed it. I was heartbroken.

This past Sunday, you know, every year, beginning of January, in Los Angeles, there's a show called 51st Jokes. So 50 comics do the first joke they've written of the year. So they do it like on the 8th or 9th of January, and there we go. And then there's another show that is like 50 worst jokes. And so you do your

worst joke from the year before. And so then Steph decided she would do 50 first Stephs. So she got 50 comics to do an impression of her. And I sent in, I sent in my impression. So it's on her, Steph Tolove's Instagram. Yeah, so that, I wish I could have been there. It would have been fun to see. Yeah.

Well, it'll become an annual tradition. Exactly, Steph is a character would have been fun to see. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it'll become an annual tradition. Exactly. Steph is a character. Yeah. She's easy to mimic. You always remember your first step. Oh, boy. Right?

For me, it was Steph Tolove. Oh, my God. Do you have, do we get to hear someone first? Yeah. Well, some people. Patience, my pet. Oh!

Some people sent them in via email. If you want to do the same, you can send it in to spoi at maximumFun.org. And this first one comes from Emily, Tampa, Florida. I was at a store a few days ago, and one of the employees was telling the other about a date she was going to go on. Employee one said, the only thing is, he just got out of a relationship. Employee two responded two responded oh was she

like crazy by way of answering employee one said forcibly escorted off a cruise ship oh that does say it all yes because you have to have you been on a cruise ship yes you have to be like super bonkers oh my god you're. Oh, my God. They got to, like, fucking pull over. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? There's no, like, they have to dock. You know what I mean? Yeah. They have to put you in the brig. They dock a lot, though. What if a brig sounds scary?

But the type of behavior that's on a cruise ship, you'd have to go so far beyond. Yes. Like, what are you doing? Yeah. Setting things on fire. Yeah. I'll get you. Doing that whole I'm the captain now thing.

Nice. This next one comes from Tara here in Vancouver. Uh-huh. Oh, no, sorry. Edmonton. Oh, downgrade. Oh. Shots fired.

In Edmonton, a lot of people say thank you to the bus driver when they got off just like in vancouver this morning i was on the bus and it stopped at a stop where lots of people got off among all the thank yous i heard someone say as he got off the back great work today take care yeah you're doing it yeah good job good job. You're a good driver. Now, as someone who doesn't drive, Deborah, have you ever taken the bus in LA? No. No! Yes, I have.

Because the only time I ever take it, because I live off of Santa Monica Boulevard, so sometimes when I go to Santa Monica, it's just a straight shot. So, that's the kind of bus I like. Get on, sit down, and then get off where you need to go I never liked the I'm not good with directions and stuff and I'm just not good

at that like taking the bus to get to this that freaks me out transfer do you know what I mean right anything where you have

to then go underground and then find anything where you have to like explain to the driver I used to be on another bus and that money should still be good please can I please keep going can I get to the driver, I used to be on another bus and that money should still be good.

Please. Can I please keep going? Can I get to the end of my destination? Graduated from that bus. But that's it. I'm always like, just like the one trip. That's my,

that's my, that's how I do it. That's it. Yes. And yes. Um, uh, this last one comes from Tyler P in,

uh, Wichita, Kansas. Yes, it is. I bet it's, what's Wichita, Kansas. Tyler Perry. Yes, it is Tyler Perry. I bet it's, what's her name? Medea. Medea, thank you.

I was going to say mama. Good afternoon. This starts, good afternoon. Very nice. Guy one, this is at work. Guy one, how was your vacation? Guy two, well, I had a colonoscopy. Guy one, yeah, but not the whole time.

Wow. Really good. That's fun's yeah yeah that's banter yeah what'd you do over uh new year's eve or whatever uh you have a colon yeah yeah over over i mean you like if you have your christmas holiday when what day do you pick for your colonoscopy? Oh, New Year's Eve. Yeah. Fresh year, new year, clean colon. And then it spans two years. Exactly. Clean colon, starting of the new year. Delish. What a camera. Wait, does the colonoscopy clean it too?

Not really. But you have to be clean. You have to be quite empty to have it done. Yeah, get some glamour shots done. Exactly. Put a nice filter on it. My colon knows what color a colon is. Just when it's sleeping

though. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us. The phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's 1- Ugh. Spy779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1. Like these people have.

Hi, this is Denora calling in from Illinois, calling in with an overheard. On my first visit to New York City, I overheard a woman having a serious conversation, a phone conversation. She was saying, i know but what i'm saying is if you're going to have a c-section why would you schedule it for a monday why wouldn't you it's already the harshest day of the week yeah i say thursday oh really yeah but then it bleeds over the weekend yeah i mean get the week oh you hope it doesn't bleed no no yeah i would go back to the hospital. They didn't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've got a C all over my face. It's in a C-section because it's in the shape of a C? I don't know. Isn't it named after Caesar? Dr. Caesarian? Is that how Julius Caesar was born? I know it.

That's how he died? Oh, my God. I know we need to know. Why is it called that? Cross-section? No, it's a cesarean. Is it cesarean? Cesarean section.

Yeah, who did that? Is it the doctor? I don't know. Maybe that's the name of the area down there. Maybe that's the name of the part. Yeah. The transmission. I don't know. We don't know.

And you know what? If anyone wants to tell us how it happened. How or why? We're not going to Google it. I refuse to Google it. Skywriting. Yeah, skywriting is the way. I'm already Googling it. Do you know what day of the week you were born on?

No. No. Monday. Were you? Fair face, baby. Do you know when you were born? No. No, me neither.

Do you know that poem? Monday's child is fair-faced Tuesday's child is full of grace Wednesday's child is full of woe Thursday's child has far to go Friday, weekend baby Saturday, I'm not so sure Sunday, HBO

All night long I was definitely born on a Wednesday If that's true All the woe? No, not All the woe? I'm full of woe I am woeful

Woesome Woesome I think if I was born later in the week I would have learned more of the poem stopped at Monday gave it Tuesday and that's about it here we go hello Dave Graham and possible guests my name is Ryan I'm at the Pennsylvania Farm Show right now which is a big indoor

farm expo I guess but there was a TV camera crew here, and I was sitting at my booth. My organization has a booth here. And the cameraman was zoomed in on something, and there was a guy kind of trying to duck underneath him, so he wasn't in the shot. And then he kind of made it past him and asked, hey, was I, and then he kind of made it past him and asked, hey, was I, did I make it out of your shot? And the cameraman, who was like

probably in his young 20s, was like, oh, I was just zoomed in on that TV screen over there that's playing MASH. I really like that show, so I just wanted to check it out. That's all. Off I go. Bye. So he was zoomed in on the TV playing MASH? Yeah. Oh, man.

Like binocular style. Yeah. That's how you play hooky as a cameraman. Yeah, I like how an early 20 knows MASH. Yes. Good for you. They won't even know radar. Does that make any sense to them?

I don't even know. You don't know radar? I never watched any MASH. I didn't watch MASH on the regs. I did not. I know what it is. I know Hawkeye and all the guys. I think this is a topic we discuss before.

About like, no, I think a million times, like, it just seems like a bummer. Yeah. But I would watch just because it was television. It's still television. It's on one of the channels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. is on one of the channels. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But also that thing of like, oh, this guy's making such a big effort to not be in this other guy's shot and then be like, hey, was that your shot? Like, you kind of ruin it. I made it. You blocked Major Houlihan. Hot lips Houlihan.

See, you know the characters. Oh, yeah. Radar. Houlihan. Hawkeye Colonel Tom Parker Lieutenant Colonel Kling Sergeant Slaughter

Fred, Barney Corporal Punishment Wilma! Who's your final overheard? Hey, Spy Boys, this is Leo in LA Real quick, I was speaking to someone on the phone yesterday They actually speak like three languages, including English.

And for some reason they were talking about relationships and they said that they used to, that they're trying not to date women anymore because they have a lot of luggage. They never really updated

that particular translation. They said it a few times in the conversation and I felt not too good about correcting them, but I've been kind of chuckling about it ever since. Too much luggage, man. Oh, man. We all bring our own luggage. We had a carry-on and two pieces.

Get out of here. Excess luggage. I mean, wow. Well, that was just, that was the best. That was fine.

I was enjoying that too. That was fun. Well, that brings us to the end of this here episode. The end of the episode. The end of the era. Oh,

goodness. Deborah, do you have things coming up that you want to pitch? I do, and I'm going to joke. I do. I will be the first weekend of February.

So after this airs, that weekend, starting on the, I think it's like the 6th or 7th of February, I'll be in Phoenix at Stir Crazy. The following weekend after that, I'll be, for Valentine's weekend, I'll be at Hilarities in Cleveland. Okay. And then. Valentine's weekend is huge in stand-up comedy. It is,

though. Is it really? Honestly, it is. It honestly is. And I have worked every Valentine's Day since I started.

Really? Every single one. What the? And they're always like, get Deja Vinny. She's sitting around. But I am. And then,

uh, and then, oh gosh. And then in March, I'm going to be, I want to say like the 14th over, over St. Patrick's Day weekend. I'll be in, I'll be at Zany's in Chicago. Oh then in March, I'm going to be, I want to say like the 14th over, over St.

Patrick's day weekend. I'll be in, I'll be at Zany's in Chicago. Oh, that's, that's a very, that's a very St. Patrick's day kind of.

I know. I kind of thought about it. I was like, Ooh, that's going to be a rough show. No, it'll be great. I've never been to Chicago.

Really? Oh, that's great. They've got a big bean. Yeah. But yeah, so come see me everyone. Uh,

and you have a podcast too. I do. Yeah. It's, so come see me, everyone. And you have a podcast too. I do. Yeah. It's called Killing Time with Debra and Zach. And we put it out every Wednesday. Just a little faster, a little half hour. We basically talk about boys. They're everywhere.

That's literally what we do. Who's the top boy? Who's the top boy? We talk about, well, we do actually, we do cute boy of the week. So we'd often do that. But it's basically just like how much we love boys and how much like what boys Zach has kissed in the last week. Wow. There's a lot of that.

But who's the Cute Boy of the Week right now? Oh, gosh. Right now. I would say. Right now, I'm currently like severely obsessed with Ryan Reynolds. I can't stop. I love him so much. He's a classic boy.

He's new. He's new. No, listen, though. He never goes out of style. He's so great. I love him so much. He's a classic boy. He's new. He's new. No, listen, though. He never goes out of style. He's so great. I love him so much. Anyway, I'm all right. Oh, you know when I do my fake boyfriends of the week on Instagram?

Because I'm ridiculous. I'm 14 in my life, in my brain. One of the guys that I used last week, a friend of mine wrote me, and she was like, that's my friend's husband. And I was like, oh no! And then he wrote me and then it was a whole thing

and then he put me in his Instagram. He's a model. He's very nice. They usually are models, aren't they? Yes, they usually are models. Sometimes they're just guys.

No, they're models. Yeah. Guys can be models too. Thank you. Right? And models can be guys. The time's up. Yeah.

That's it. And then... We have The time's up. Yeah. That's it. We have a show coming up this month, February 17th at the Rio Theater as part of JFL Northwest. Oh, yay!

Tickets for that are on the internet. Go to MaximumFun.org Look at this episode and click on the thingy to go see our thingies. And all of you thingies out there

thank you so much for listening to the show if you like the show please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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