Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 574 - Erica Sigurdson

Episode Date: March 18, 2019

It’s week 1 of MaxFunDrive 2019 so we’ve invited one of our favourite guests. Comedian Erica Sigurdson returns to talk inventions, toast, and open mics. Please support the show by going to maxiumfun.org/donate

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 574 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Week one of the MaxFunDrive and joining me as always is a man who, I mean, he really wouldn't mind if you pledged, Mr. Dave Shumka. In past years I've protested, but this year I really wouldn't mind. Yeah, you really came around this year and I'm impressed. This year, I really wouldn't mind. Yeah, you really came around this year. I'm impressed.

You know what, everyone? It's two weeks a year we ask for donations, and we ask you to go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. It's going to be, and it's also the time of year when we bring in our favorite guests. Yeah, how do you like that, audience? You like it. Our guest today, one of our favorites, very hilarious comedian, producer, sure. Sure, why not?

And just an all-around great lady, Erica Sigurdsson. Hello. Hello. Hi, guys. Hi, Erica. Thanks for joining us. It's my pleasure. It's a beautiful day.

It is a beautiful day to be in a basement. Yeah. I rode a Mobi and then took a car to go to get here. You are, you don't own nothing. I own a car, but Jay has it because his car is in the shop. Fun. Now, do you, let's get to know us. Get to know us. Get to know us.

Do you? My good friend, Erica. Yes. You're a big, you're an app economy. You will do everything through an app. Yes. You'll do, you love getting Kickstarters. I love it.

You're the Kickstarter queen of Vancouver. Yeah. What's a Moby? Moby is the bike shares. Oh, okay. So you unlimited 30-minute rides for $99 a year. Really? So I am making money on this, guys.

Except when you're- Because you're delivering food or something on the side? Yeah, I work for Uber Eats. But it's got to be, yeah, anything less than half an hour. Otherwise, the charges are. So you got to do dominoes. No, but you just park it and pick up a new bike. Right, or a car to go.

Or a car to go. That's what I did today because there was no way I was doing that hill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's too cold out to not have a jacket. And then I was wearing my winter jacket and sweating so much. So I made it to yale town i was like well that's done now the moby bikes they're sponsored by moby the musician yes they give you a free helmet that's a bald head on top yeah i mean all helmets are i know but like it's

got stubble and stuff yeah it's skin tone yeah you have to shave it yourself if it starts growing it really works into your commute. Does it come with a helmet? It does. Okay. Do I use that helmet? Yeah. No, I do not.

Oh. But I only, I really only ride it around the seawall. Okay. To get around. So that's where your brain will be splattered. It would be conveniently if it was just washed into the sea. Exactly. You were saying this morning you had uh an encounter

on the seawall with somebody who yeah walked backwards with a camera right in front of me and i did i and i actually thought of that because the helmet i was like well i'm on the seawall and it's no problem and then the guy almost like sent me flying and then he called me dude sorry dude he said so it was rude all around he was rude to what he thought was the. Sorry, dude, he said. So, it was rude all around. He was rude to what he thought was the dude. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he was copping a dude to a dude.

For the listener, we're recording this the day after International Women's Day, and you've come a long way, baby. Yeah, not far enough, though. I didn't know that was a thing, that you're not supposed to address a collective people as guys anymore. Oh, really? Come on, guys. Like, I'm not a guy. Oh, okay.

I thought it was. I say it all the time. Yeah, I say guys a lot. What are we supposed to do? Gang. Gang, folks. People. You know what?

Folks is good. Folks is good. Yeah. I just. It's all in the intent. You know what I mean? Sure. Hey, guys, let's Yeah. I just, it's all in the intent. You know what I mean? Sure. Hey, guys, let's go.

I don't care. Come on, dude. Sorry, dude. When you single me out, hey, guy, I'm like, what? That I take exception to. I do not want to be singled out. Sir, what? Hey, guy is really a preamble to some sort of fight.

Yeah. Hey guy. Get your elbow off my table. Yeah. I'm playing pool here. Get your beer off my foosball table. Get your beer off my foosball table. It's everywhere.

Yeah. Get your beer off my air hockey table. I'm mostly imagining he's in some kind of parlor. So what's new with you? What's been going on? What has been going on? I'm doing some of the dates on the Snowden Comedy Tour, which has been tremendously fun. Cool.

Yeah. Of course. Now, is this the comedy tour named after Edward Snowden of WikiLeaks? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We go town to town, and we hack people's email accounts, and then we do jokes about illegal things they've done. That sounds like a really good idea. He's not WikiLeaks, is he?

He took a lot of the things that he found out were on wiki oh okay but he was the guy who kind of like julian assange's wiki leaks yeah okay yeah so anyway you were on the snowden edward snowden comedy tour where where what uh dates were you on? So I did Kelowna, Silver Star, Vernon, Vancouver, Moose Jaw, Saskatoon, Regina. Now the original idea of this tour it was much smaller than the earlier years and they just went to towns where they could ski. To ski and snowboard, yeah. And basically just pay for their skiing and snowboarding. And then it's grown in, now it's in I think 63 or 65 cities.

They're going all across Canada. There's 65 cities in Canada? Yeah. Well, city might be a stretch. Yeah. There's 65 places that have theaters. Yeah. 65 cities or towns that have a ski hill.

Yeah. But, well, now the skiing is kind of over. Like, and I've only ever, I took one snowboard lesson and that was my career. So, um, I don't snowboard, but now, and the hills were apparently bad this year. So. The hills are bad. Yeah. So, so what do you do during the day?

Just hang out? No, it was actually like get in the car and drive to the next location. So there was actually not a lot of downtime and, uh, or days off. So next week, those guys must be racking up so many like free car rentals. It's amazing.

Yeah. I am. Are you jealous of the, the, the miles they're racking up? Yeah. Well, I did,

I said, I want to fly Air Canada and if it's a little bit more, I will pay for it myself because I need those Air Canada points. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Well, I did, I said, I want to fly Air Canada. And if it's a little bit more, I will pay for it myself because I need those Air Canada points. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you a member of one of the, like, can you get in the lounge? Elite 50? Yes, I get in the lounge. Ooh.

And I get to board before other people. And it's everything you would dream it would be. I love it. Well, remember when we got delayed by like five hours in Winnipeg and we went into the lounge? But you got it. Yeah. But I got to board five hours before everyone else. Yeah.

It was a lonely five hours sitting on the plane while they fixed it. It kept getting jacked up. If you wouldn't mind just standing up for a second so we can vacuum and meet you. This is elite. for a second so we can this is elite um the uh uh the snowden comedy tour they have their own like like banner that

that hangs on the back of the stage now is that correct um we have the banner that was stolen yeah then i heard that it got stolen the old banner which they're using now so who steals

a comedy tour banner what are you going to use that for up and coming comics. The original prankster. Somebody who's hosting an open mic. They just have to slightly change one of the letters

in Snowden. It's the Snodden comedy tour. Come see it. It's in a park. Yeah. Somebody, it's funny. Somebody,

it's not funny. They smashed the back of the rental vehicle, just grabbed what they could. So they got one of the banners and. It wasn't Kevin Banner, was it? They got Kevin Banner. Oh no.

He's sleeping in the car. And then they took the giant backdrop. And then there, there was some in the car. And then they took the giant backdrop. And then there was some loose tickets that they stole. And they showed up outside the Rio the night of the show. And we're trying to scalp tickets. Yes. These guys are the best. These guys are the wet bandits of Vancouver.

Did they get away with it? No. Oh. Because we came, like, we were having, here's the other thing. Like, because you know from any time you've traveled. Like, I like to have all the travel information and I, like, I'm very, I don't know what, controlling that way? I don't know. Organize.

Organize. Yeah. The guys will eat dinner right up till five minutes before the show time and then be like, we should go over there. And I'm like. Just come up with rib sauce all around them. And I'm like rocking back and forth because I'm like, wait, I gotta go.

I, we gotta go where the show is starting in five. We gotta go. And so I went a little bit earlier and then they come sailing in at seven 57 and they're like some guys outside. And so Dan Quinn was, who's the founder of the tour was walking. And,

uh, I think the box office guy goes, Hey, you know, somebody's selling. And then he turns around. And so there's like an altercation and then the police were called. And did they get the banner back?

No. Oh, which is, I would have been like, Hey, where's the banner? And we turned it into a giant slip and slide. Oh man.

I hope they did. I hope somebody did something fun with it. Like made it into a tent or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it's just going to be the curtain on their apartment. Yeah. I don't think they have an apartment. No.

But yeah, I heard, I don't know who I heard it from that the banner got stolen. But I had only just the day before seen a video of the banner going up. And I was like, well, this tour is really taken off. Yeah. What a banner game changer. And then no,

no. What are the best, uh, flags you've seen used as curtains in people's windows? I mean, definitely a guns and roses. Oh yeah. You know,

maybe for a time, the, time, what is the racist one? Oh, the... Oh, Confederate? Yeah. Confederate. You did. I did the dance. Yeah.

My favorite is a towel. Oh, you know what I like is those wolf blankets. Oh, yeah. They're really soft. It's a big wolf, and if that's hanging on a window, man. You're missing it. 19-year-old Erica, she was in that bed so quick.

And then it was cold because the blanket was on the window. Mine, my front window there is to bed and prayer. the window. Mine, my front window there is Tibetan prayer and what's the ISIS? Oh, ISIS flag, sure. What's the ISIS?

Is that their flag or is it? Yeah, they've got a, it's like a black flag. Yeah, it's got a black flag, got a language on it, kind of looks like maybe Charles Schultz drew it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a reconfigured Charlie Brown. That's what everybody doesn't know about the ISIS flag. It always seems weird to me to picture that there is like an organization structure to ISIS, like somebody's online, like, should we order merch? Does anybody,

anybody want to get hats? Oh boy. Uh, do we have to lug it around or just get it online? Oh man. That's my, that's been my thing on this tour is cause we have so many t-shirts. So I went to Eddie's hangers,

little plug for them. They sell stuff for stores and bought like t-shirt bags and like, like small, medium, large, extra large stickers and like i can just i'm there doing this and the guys are just shaking like what is it what are you doing spaghetti until one one second before they go on stage yeah eating it at the merch table yeah

wiping their mouth with the banner oh they stole our banner what I going to wipe my mouth with on the way on stage? Because for a long time you had merch. I still do. What do you have now? So I have magnets that I give away for free after the show because I'm doing very well. And because you're a real estate agent. Yes, that's what I say. I'm like, come get a magnet. And I go, that's right. I'm doing as well as a real estate agent. Yes, that's what I say. I'm like, come get a magnet and go, that's right. I'm doing as well as a real estate agent, everybody.

And then, and so those just say, let's kick this party up a notch. And it's a cartoon, Erica drinking a glass of wine. And then I have- That's gotta be from your act. Yeah, it is. But now, do you feel like you are stuck with that bit until you get rid of all the merch? Yeah, there have been times where I've taken the magnet on stage and I realized I forgot to do that joke. And then I'm just like, never mind.

You guys like free stuff anyways? Yeah. You guys want a magnet with cartoon me that looks nothing like me. And then I have my little change purses that say situational feminist on them. Oh yeah. Nice. Uh, but then you, do you also have to do a joke for that one? Yes.

Or it makes no sense. They're like, what is happening? Yeah. So sometimes you, the last three minutes I'm like, just jamming these bits. This isn't normally my closer, but. I carded this stuff all the way to Saskatoon. Situational Feminist is also the name of your album? It is, yes.

Plug. Nice. Good. Good work. And that's available on Alibaba.com? Alibaba.com. All of the platforms. Have you been on Alibaba, either of you guys?

No, but I feel like we talked about this last time, and I remember leaving thinking, I got to go to this website. Because didn't you say you ordered some sort of something from there? I'm not sure. I don't think I have. It's like boxes or something. Like they sell everything. They sell everything. There's Alibaba and there's AliExpress.

And one of them is, I don't know, like someone had tried to tell me the difference. One is like Chinese Amazon. Yeah. And the other is like, if you want to get bulk t-shirts for your tour, you could go do it. This is so dangerous for me. To know these things exist. I order so much. Like the post office, whenever I go to like mail something, they're like, oh, you're not picking up today.

Like it's become a problem. What are you getting? What are you getting that's being mailed to you so much? Anything on Instagram that's like advertised. Like that sling for your feet that goes over. I'm a hundred percent. I love these. And I also love that it's different for everyone.

Because I'm on Instagram all the time. Like I'm addicted and it's terrible. And like at night I'll be like, oh, and it's done updating. Yeah. I'll just close it. And then, oh, what next? My thumb instinctively opens it up and tells me I'm an idiot. But I love that I've never heard of this foot sling.

See, we're on a different algorithm. Exactly. Because. What do you get ads for before you tell us about the foot sling? I get games. Games. Okay. Exactly. What do you get ads for before you tell us about the foot sling? I get games. Games? Okay.

I quite often will download a game and play it for 20 minutes and then think what my life would be like if I still owned this game forever and then delete it. Oh, okay. All right. Okay, I like it. And there's foot sling. So, and I had this idea. I need to follow through. So, it's like it goes over the back of the meal tray, like, you know, the metal part when you fold it down. What meal tray?

On a plane. On a plane. Sorry, I should have prefaced that. So then. At your house, Dave? Yeah. At your cafeteria that you go to every day? Yeah.

You know, right before you pay. So then you just, you hook it over that and then it hangs so that you can put your feet in it. Because you know, when you're flying, your feet are just kicking all over the place. You don't know where to do with them. Yeah, yeah. And so you can put them in that sling. But my idea was for kids so that kids wouldn't kick.

I called it hammock pants. And it was, it was, it would go on the seat of the plane, like kind of through the seatbelt. And it had like two basically long stirrups that you could adjust for your child's height so that they could get pressure. Hammock pants. Hammock pants. Trade mark 2019. Yeah. Yeah.

I love it. Yeah. But like, because I feel very much like you could be an inventor. Like you have the, you have that type of brain. I was just going to say, if I had someone who could make these things, and then I remembered that my husband owns a custom prop shop and manufactures all sorts of things for the movie business. As a woman who grew up riding horses. Yes. You said stirrups.

For most women, stirrups mean something else. Stirrup pants? Well. Same concept. Isn't there like, don't, it doesn't. Oh, like going up in a table? Your gynecologist put you in stirrups? But it's all stirrups are holding your leg.

Yeah. Whatever way your legs are flopping. That's a good, that's a good slogan for hammock pants. Whichever way your legs are flopping. We got you. I just, I mean, I just, you know you. I was curious because you're a horse lady. Because I'm a horse lady. That's worse than dude.

Horse lady. I could very easily picture you on a show like Dragon's Den. Yes, I have an idea for Dragon's Den that I will share with you when we are off the air because it is such a good idea. And I've actually had a few... And Dragon's Den for our American listeners, Shark Tank. Shark Tank. And for our British listeners, Dragon's Den.

I was going to try to say it in a British accent and then I immediately stopped myself. Dragon's Den. Well, couldn't have done worse than that. They say Dorgan instead of Dragon. Like a cup of tea before we watch Dragon's Den. A cup of cuppa. I never, yeah, I don't ever have, like, I never have ideas like that.

When I see people on Dragon's Den or Shark Tank, I'm like, how did you, how did you think of that? I don't, I don't understand the brain that thinks of that. There used to be a TV show called Why Didn't I Think of That? Really? Hosted by, oh boy, Will Shorts? Will something?

Okay. Will Shorts, isn't that the guy that does the crossword puzzle? Hmm. I can't think of anything. Okay. Okay. Let me panic.

Will Shriner. Will Shriner. Oh, Will Shriner, sure. He wore a funny little hat, drove a little tiny car. Why didn't I think of that? He also hosted the Will Schreiner show. Someone out there is like, Dave just scratched an itch for me.

Yeah. I'm the one other kid who watched that. See, if I was more driven, I think I would be like a multimillionaire. I had the idea for just lunch, you know, that dating. Because when I worked in a bank, I would go at Pentel Center to have lunch. And I'd see all these people sitting alone at lunchtime, just sadly eating their meals. And I thought, gosh, this is a prime opportunity for people to be like meeting people and having a date. And then that's as far

as that idea went but like that's i shouldn't say them out loud because i think someone's behind me writing them down that's like see that i would never think of that i would just think look at these look at these losers anyways did you ever work in an office job where you had like a well like i because i haven't had a an hour-long lunch to myself but i used to like go read a book in a food court for an hour the quietest place to read a book i mean it's fine um yeah no i i mean i have had uh jobs in offices but uh like usually just ate at my desk yeah i haven't it's been a while since i haven't eaten at my desk or with my coworkers at like a lunch in the lunch room.

It's cause the internet got so good. It's true. Yeah. Like you're not supposed to eat at your desk. You're not supposed to be working. I'm not, I'm not, I'm doing the same thing I was doing the previous going through my Instagram

feed, thinking of things to buy. But like, I heard the story about the guy who was the first guy to put wheels on luggage. Yeah. And he was a traveling salesman and he just thought of that idea. He was like, what about wheels on luggage? But I would think that idea and then immediately be like, no, it's stupid.

Somebody. It's never going to work. Yeah. They tried it and it failed. My thing. Carrying luggage is the only way. My idea, I've been saying it for 10 years of this show. We've been on for 11.

Thanks to nobody for the 11th anniversary wishes. But if you buy a device like a TV or a cable box that has a remote, it should have a button on the TV that will ring the remote like a cordless phone does if you lose your cordless phone. Yeah, that's true. I have heard you pitch that idea. And for those reasons, I'm up. Yeah, no, that's a great idea. But I don't know. See, that's the thing like you have that idea but then like the luggage guy did he call samsonite and be like how about wheels

on your line that movie uh was it flash of genius windshield wiper movie about greg kaneer played a guy who invented intermittent windshield wipers. And I haven't seen it because I saw the ad for it. And I'm like, this is not a movie's worth of a story. He pitched it to car manufacturers and they were like, not interested. And then they just did it. Right. Yeah. See, that's what I would think would happen if I had a good idea.

You have to patent it. Yeah. But then how do. You have to patent it. Yeah. But then how do you even. That's it. See, and my sister-in-law, she's very talented at like sewing and stuff like that. And when she was pregnant,

I had this idea for a diaper bag. There was like a backpack with a rollout, um, like diaper change pads so that you could change your baby's diaper anywhere. And the weight of the baby on the diaper pad would make sure the backpack didn't fall over and kill them. Unless you have a very light baby. Yeah. Like a feather baby.

Yeah. And that's, you're probably not worried about cleanliness when you're not feeding them properly. Also, what do we think about the term feather baby? Well, I mean, if you're ranking. Horse lady feather baby. If you're ranking babies by weight. Oh, sure. If you have a baby fighting ring.

Yeah. Oh, my God. How cute would that be? Actually, there was that in a day. I just saw that a daycare worker got fired because she had set up a fight club in the daycare. And one of the other little kids like complained and they first rule oh man um she said she did it was like they were like three and four years old and then they reviewed the footage of it and they like it horrifying. But she was like putting these kids in and making them brawl.

God. Oh, boy. Yeah, I think that's wrong. It's wrong. Yeah, I'm going to go on this side. Anyways, my sister-in-law made the backpack. It was genius. She got tons of compliments.

But when it came to trying to patent it, we just gave up. This is a hard process. It's very hard to patent. I don't know if you can patent any clothes either. Really? I think that's a thing in like, you can patent your logo on the clothes, but there's really like five types of clothes. Yeah, because you didn't invent, yeah, a shirt.

Yeah, there was like. But like if you were the first person to put a kangaroo pouch on your hoodie, is that worth something? You can patent that. Or like the first person to put a kangaroo pouch on your hoodie, you could probably, is that worth something? Or like the first person to do the little loop for your thumb. That's probably, although maybe that's just somebody that put a hole in their sweatshirt. What about Heelys? Wait a second.

Are Heelys patented? The little roller skate. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a patent. Cause I know Crocs aren aren't weren't patented and they should they be they got they like were in real financial trouble because everyone was like any company can now make these right yeah there's like there's certain things i think there's like

they made it through crocs is doing great is doing fine. Zooey Deschanel is now a spokesperson for Crocs. Oh, she replaced Mario Batali, who I assume was. Also, Post Malone designed a pair of Crocs. That's true. Do you know who Post Malone is? I have no idea who Post Malone is. He's got tattoos on his face. Oh, that Post Malone.

Yeah, I know him. Oh, Post Malone. Oh, that Post Malone. Yeah, I know him. Oh, Post Malone. But yeah, like, did you actually like call the patent offices? My sister-in-law did. She started looking into it and then we gave up.

Because she had a new baby and I had nothing going on. And I could have taken the wheel and been very successful by now. It's a neat idea. Like, see, but I would never you you've got an inventor's mind i do i should have been like and i've since a kid like i would come up with just things how to rig things up and i loved doing that and if anyone in my youth had have encouraged me to go to college instead i think my parents were, get this kid out of the house so we can get divorced. Just go work at McDonald's so we can put a ribbon on this marriage and get out of our house.

Complete. First marriage over. I was thinking that do you remember when they did the greatest Canadian

uh yeah yeah and the top 10 the greatest Canadian was Tommy Douglas

yeah or the the can we try to guess them I don't know

do you want do you want me to look them up okay yeah yeah okay Tommy Douglas

for sure was number one and for anyone who doesn't know he was the

the premier of Saskatchewan. Saskatchewan. Also, Kiefer Sutherland's grandfather. Kiefer Sutherland's grandfather. Sutherland's grandfather. And kind of the father of... Universal Health Care.

Universal Health Care, yeah. Canada. Terry Fox has to be in there. Terry Fox, for sure. Let's slow down. Well, he just bought a video game. He's not even looking these up. Honestly, here's what's going on with our country.

If you Google greatest Canadian, it suggests greatest Canadian curlers. Yeah. Team Gushu. We all have our top 10. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a Sandra Schmerler guy. That explains the tattoo. Oh, yeah. The top 10. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a Sandra Schmerler guy. That explains the tattoo.

Oh, yeah, the top 10. Okay. There we go. Okay. So Terry Fox is number two. You're correct.

I'm going to say Sir Frederick Banton. Whoa. Yeah. Wow. I wouldn't have even been able to,

oh, you, of course, know this as a. Discovered insulin and saved my life. I think we should all be thanking Sir Frederick Banton for saving your life because I would not we should all be thanking Sir Frederick Banton. Well, yeah, absolutely. Because I would not be here.

Thank you, Frederick Banton. Type 1 diabetes for life. A long life, I hope. Banton and Best? Is that it? Yeah. Okay. I don't see Best on the list.

Who else would be? Can I tell you how many of the remaining are a lot? Are they politicians? There are three more politicians. John A. John A. McDonald, number eight. Laurier? No.

No. Trudeau? Trudeau. Trudeau. Number three. Brought the Constitution home. Okay, the other politicians. From the 20th Oh. Okay. The other politicians. From the 20th century.

Okay. From the 20th century. Oh, William Lyon Mackenzie King. No. No. Nobel Peace Prize laureate. Invented peacekeepers. He's credited with inventing peacekeepers.

Lester B. Pearson. May we send our wishes to Alex Trebek, by the way? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. I just did that. Yes. Alex Trebek is the only one. Not in the top 10.

So, yes. Lester B. Pearson. So, the remaining, there is one athlete. Oh, not Ben Johnson. Wayne Gretzky. Not Ben Johnson. Correct. Yes.

Wayne Gretzky is number 10. Number nine, an inventor. Ooh. Oh. Ring, correct. Yes, Wayne Gretzky's number 10. Number nine, an inventor. Ooh. Ring, ring, hello. Oh, Alexander Graham Bell. Yep. Number eight, John A. MacDonald. Number seven, a living buffoon.

Who's Canada's... John Candy. Don Cherry. Don Cherry. Why did I say John Candy? Don Cherry. Oh, man, what a jerk. Living buffoon. He a jerk. Living.

He's not even living. No, but Don Cherry is a living boo-boo. Yes, he is. And the only one we haven't named, number five. Michael J. Fox. An environmentalist. Oh, David Suzuki. David Suzuki.

We did it, guys. But I was thinking, speaking of our Shark Tank talk, uh dragon's den talk i was thinking if there was a list of the worst canadians my number one would be mr wonderful kevin yeah he's not mr wonderful you no no for me mr wonderful is wwf wrestler paul orndorff yes um uh i'm trying to think of who is i mean the worst canadian there's a lot. Other than murderers and stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was where I was. Like, Don Cherry would probably make my list as well.

Yeah. But didn't he do some murders early in his career? Wasn't Don King did murders? Yeah, but he's not Canadian. I know, but he's a fellow Don. Yeah. Fellow loudmouth Don. Yeah, sure. Don Johnson, did he's a fellow Don. Yeah. Fellow loudmouth Don. Yeah, sure.

Don Johnson, did he do murder? Yeah, Don Johnson did murder. I mean, we should do a list of the loudest Dons. Donald Trump. Oh, boy. Who else is in the loudest Dons club? Not my dad. No.

No, he's a reserved gentleman. Don Corleone. Yep. He was kind of a whispery guy. What's, um... I'm Don Corleone. It's the day of my daughter's wedding. Very good.

Go back to British. Dragon's Day. It is, it is. What's the woman's name who smuggled the papers out of Oliver North's? Was it Dawn or Fawn? Dawn, remember? Remember her? Are we talking about the Iran-Contra affair?

Yeah. I'm six years older than you guys. Oh, not. I was going to say Don Amici, but it's not Don Amici. Is it Don French from French and Saunders? No. Guys. We've got to give up and Saunders? No. Guys. We've got to give up on that.

Yeah, yeah. Fair enough. Delta Don? What a bitch. Delta Burke. Oh, national hero. Yeah. That was a good all Canadian riff.

Yeah. Yeah. Good work, everybody. So what is the latest thing you've bought? Oh, so the latest thing I bought was two days ago on instagram there was an ad for a travel jewelry case which really caught my eye and so that is such a weird thing to be on uh like not my feed to be on a feed oh they know me they know me but just like because for me it's all like i guess a travel jewelry case is useful it's very useful your necklaces and earrings are just all over the

place yeah jingled together yeah but like what is what makes it trap is it collapsible yeah so it's so i have one that like folds up right now but let's be, it's old and I want a new one. I'm glad we're being honest. I was going to say it's old and you want a new one. And this one is like, kind of like an oversized ring case and it pops up. It pops open. A ring pop. A ring pop.

It's a ring pop. It only holds one ring pop so that you can suck on half of it and put it back in your ear. That's a good invention. Yeah. For when your ears pop. Yeah. Ring pop anyone? And it's got little places for your earrings and for your rings, which I only travel with my one ring, my like wedding slash engagement.

I just call it a wedding ring now because let's be honest. It's a very long engagement. It's a very long engagement. It's a very long engagement. The longest. Yeah, for me, I only have the wedding ring and my genital jewelry. Yeah. And down there you have a pair of matching danglies. I've got danglies on both.

Yeah, one on each nut. Of course, the late great Prince Albert. In and out of a can. And a tasteful necklace. And a choker. Yeah. And I've got a, I guess it's not metal, but it's not jewelry. It's a barrette.

Oh. Just everything over to one side. Yeah. It's a barrette. Just everything over to one side. Yeah. It's very 1998. I also just received a Kickstarter that I ordered months ago and totally forgot about it. It is a collapsible metal straw. And then it has a little case because they're banning plastic straws. Right.

And I hate paper straws. I will go on record. I don't care the controversy, guys. Yep. Fair enough. It's Max Fun Drive week. We're going to get people tuning in to hear this hot subject. So it collapses.

And then you're supposed to have it with you at all times. And I have only had it on me once when I've ordered a beverage that has arrived with a paper straw. So good $24. Yeah. But like you're still, you still scope out the Kickstarters on a regular basis. Last night I unsubscribed to their email because I was like, I'm in too deep. I can't stop myself. Fair.

Yeah. It's good to know your limits. Yeah. I can't stop myself. Fair. Yeah. Yeah. It's good to know your limits.

Yeah. You're like, if you're, you're like, if there was someone on Dragon's Den who just said yes to all, like every single person. I'm that person. Yeah. I'm in. Yeah. You're like the opposite of Vikram Vij. Oh boy.

He froze a lot of people out. It's like, I'm, I'm just in the restaurant industry. It's like, if you bring on some sort of soup, I'd be interested in it. Yeah, sure. What do you have in a curry? Yeah. Is that their own money they're really putting up? Yeah, apparently.

But, like, apparently how the show goes from, this was on, like, a kind of ask me anything. They make the deal, but then it's subject to like hundreds and hundreds of clauses. Right. And so a lot of the... Santa Claus.

Yeah, Santa Claus. Mrs. Claus. Flaws on Bula. Flaws. But yeah, like they don't... A lot of the deals just collapse. Yeah. Because they don't actually have the infrastructure.

They say they do or whatever. So some deals go through, but like a lot of Because they don't actually have the infrastructure. They say they do or whatever. So some deals go through, but like a lot of them just don't come to fruition. Yuck Yucks tried to sell airtime, like telephone music, but it was their comedians telling jokes. Huh. Huh. I could not think of anything if I was on hold with a company that would make me more frustrated. Mad than hearing Mike Wilmot do a Just any, like you know what I mean? Because usually when you're put on hold nobody gets put on hold and is like, oh this is enjoyable.

And then to have like jokes being told, I would just be like I am trying to complain about this. And now I'm overtaken with joy. complain about this. And now I'm overtaken with joy. I hate this. What I get, what I don't understand is so often I'm on hold and they'll play a loop of music and then it'll have, like it'll get interrupted by, did you know that this company does stuff for the environment? Air Canada does that. And I was on hold with him once for over an hour. And every two minutes it went, thank you for voting us.

Canada is number one. And I was calling and I was infuriated. And I kept taking screenshots of like how long I was on hold. And then the next morning I, because by the time I got through the thing, it was like I had missed out on a price. And so it cost me more money. So then. That surprise came across my Instagram feed. Yeah.

I tried to get it. And so then I talked to the, and it was so funny because the woman I talked to was like, yeah, we just, she's like, I was really mad. And then she goes,

well, I would just complain because they don't, they don't even give us enough people to work these phone lines, which is true. Like Air Canada is, you're trying to get through to them. It's impossible. So then I went, um, and I had one Air Canada person's email address and I realized it was their name dot last name at Air Canada. So I went and looked up all like their CEO, everybody in the hierarchy and I wrote this scathing email

and I copied every single person on it. Wow. And then the next day I got a phone call from like the assistant because everybody in the company saw it.

So I was like, that's how you do it. And like by sending that email, you voted at us. Number one error. Yeah. By Erica.

And that resulted in me getting 15% off my list. Number one airlock. Yeah. By Erica. And that resulted in me getting 15% off my list. I don't know, give her 10%. I'll say 15. Okay. Yeah.

You know the thing we give anybody who doesn't take two hours to research all the company directory names? The weird thing I,

when I'm on hold sometimes is they'll be playing music and then it'll go fuzzy for a second. Like someone's about to hang out. Yeah. But then it just is more music.

Like whatever is supplying the music to the hold service is going through a tunnel. Yeah, it's remote. It's just traveling around the city. It's a decentralized. We're in international waters. Remote system. I don't understand how anyone doesn't have callback service in this day and age. Just let me press one.

Here's my number. Call me back. Yeah. Yeah. Jerks. Jerks. You know what? Somebody should write a letter.

I'm looking at you, Erica. I'm on it. Should we talk a little bit about the. Yeah, we should talk about the MaxFunDrive, but I really want to make a quick joke. Okay, go ahead. Is it true that Erica is short for Ericanida? That's worth it. Yeah, worth it.

Guys, listeners, we do this two weeks a year. This show is supported by your donations you guys are the reason for the season really yeah i mean we're 11 years in let's be honest we wouldn't be doing this if we were if we weren't being supported by our donors yeah and uh we have the best honestly we have the best listeners uh of any show. Everybody knows it. Everybody who's on this show, for the most part, gets positive feedback. I mean, sure, there's some jerkos out there, but for the most part... Look, we're not talking to the jerkos. The jerkos are never going to donate.

That's true. Jerkos take a lap. Jerkos take a lap. But yeah, this year, Maximum Fun as a whole is trying to get 25,000 new and upgrading members. We personally are trying to get 25,000 listeners. And, you know, if you're thinking about becoming a Maximum Fund donor, do it now. You know, don't hesitate. Go to MaximumFund.org slash donate. And, yeah, so later in the show, we'll go through the gifts you can get if you pledge. But what we're looking for is for people to become

monthly donors to the show at $5, $10, $20, $35 a month. Whatever works best for you. If you love the show and you want to help us, you're probably able to donate. The truth is, people

often tell us our show has gotten them through some really hard times. And if you are going through hard times We don't expect you to donate But if you've come out the other end Or if you just appreciate the show This would be the best time All year to donate Maximumfun.org

Slash donate And it's a very easy You just go to that address Select the membership level that's right for you, a little bit of credit card information, some basic information, bing, bang, boom. Yeah, you're a member. You select which shows on the network you listen to, and your donation goes directly to support the shows that you listen to.

And, yeah, it helps us put on the show every week. It helps us, you know, make time to do it in our busy lives. Yeah. Our guest gets a little bit of... Gets a little skrilla. Yeah. Yeah. And look, if you support the idea that a podcast should pay its guests, you are in the minority.

But I think we are very much in the minority uh for as podcasts paying their guests yeah um but yeah it's something we do it's something uh if you want to be a part of it uh we'd love it if you did we'll uh we'll go through the the pledge gifts a little bit later but uh yeah maximum fun dot org slash donate do it. Back to the show. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, not a lot's going on with me. And I was, so I was thinking, you know what? You know, I really like to talk about on the show.

I've been really getting into toast lately. Okay, here we go. I mean, and then I was thinking this might not be entertaining enough to talk about. And then last night I got home from work and Abby said, Dave, I think we need to squeeze the dog's anal glands. I'd like to hear more about this. So let's talk toast. Gross. We've never had's talk toast. Gross. We've never had to do it. Yeah.

Until now. It's 14 years. Small dogs need it a lot. We're very lucky. Toast. Yeah. Toast. Okay.

So you know what? At first, I wasn't interested in the topic of toast, but when you, yeah. You got your cinnamon. Yeah.

Oh boy, you are going way above and beyond. Yeah. That sprinkle, that chocolate Yeah. Oh, boy. You are going way above and beyond. Yeah. That sprinkle, that chocolate sprinkle that the, you know, the people in the. Dutch people did. Yeah. Oh, man. As a kid, that blew my mind.

Chocolate toast? In your childhood? Yeah. We had friends that when we would be at their house, when we would visit in the morning, I don't know why we were there in the morning. You know, when you go over for an 8 a.m. visit. They were church friends. I must have slept over and they had two glass jars, one with chocolate sprinkles and one with, and like as a kid.

What was the other one? Colored sprinkles. Oh, okay. And as soon as you see candy as a kid, that's all you can. Yeah, that's all you can think about. Is anybody going to bring up the candy? Does anybody see their sprinkles on the table? And they're like, what do you want on your toast?

Do you want butter? Yeah. Do you want some chocolate? What? And they just slathered that with chocolate sprinkles. Yeah, I've had them. I've had those, I think from, I think maybe Abby's Aunt Sheila brought some. Yeah.

But they also sell them, I don't know if that place on Commercial Drive that had the sniffing chocolate is still there. Oh, the licorice parlor? Yeah. I think it Abby's Aunt Sheila brought some. But they also sell them. I don't know if that place on Commercial Drive had the sniffing chocolate. Oh, the licorice parlor? Yeah. I think it is. But they sell it there. Oh. I think I had it here. Does it melt?

Yeah. I don't remember. It melts with the butter and the heat of the toast. It's hard to get the toast to stay hot long enough, like past the butter. I microwave my toast. I do a toast, then i do a microwave then i do a second toast then it's some butter then back into the microwave melt that butter yeah it is hard though because sometimes the butter is too cold here's the thing i saw on uh in an instagram

thing yeah uh an instagram ad was a butter knife that it's Japanese. Oh, that's a, like a hot. No, it's not hot. It's got little holes that you could scrape. Uh, if you scrape, scrape cold butter,

it'll cut it into tiny little finials and, uh, they'll, it'll make it easier to melt on your toast. Ooh, still not as good as just leaving your butter room temperature. Yeah. Yeah. Do you leave butter room temperature. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you leave butter room temperature? Yeah. In small quantities. Like not the whole. Not the whole. None of them. Yeah. Just a little butter dish.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got a little butter dish going. Probably time to switch it over. Oh, it lets you know. You're like, I'm going to. Oh God.

What is this? This has gone off. Butter does let you know. Oh, so quickly too. There's no, there's no, I wonder. Nope. This is disgusting. Yeah.

Yeah. What do you, how do you feel about Malba toast? No. Why? I'm just, we're talking toast. I guess so. No, the answer's no. Okay.

What is it? That is like. It's just like a little square of. Like dried. Dried. Yeah. Dehydrated. It's like not quite a crouton yeah not a cracker why not

a girl yet not yet a woman yeah um international melba toast day so we've been march 17th my my diet is largely dependent on what my children will eat because sometimes they'll see me eat something and they'll go through a phase of like, oh, I want that. I want that every day. Yeah. And I eat toast every day. Sure. With dipping in an egg.

I had that this morning. Yeah. Do you call it eggs and soldiers or do you call it dippy toast? Because that's what I call it. Dippy toast? Ever since I was little, my mom was like, dippy toast. And then I saw it on a menu once as eggs and soldiers. And I was like, what is that?

I've heard it called eggs and soldiers. Do you, how do you cut the toast? Uh, I, so the toast is laying facing me like a proper piece of toast. Yeah. And then I cut it into five little strips. Five. As much as I can. Yeah.

Do you keep the sides bigger so that you can put the, I keep the sides bigger so I can put the last of the toast or last of the egg on top. Oh, I never get through all the egg stuff. How? It's pretty soft. It's pretty runny. Welcome to egg talk. Yeah.

Well, it's really just, yeah. It's a sequel to toast talk. Yeah. I, my daughter's like, the way you cut a grilled cheese sandwich is diagonal. Yeah. And I, on a piece of toast, I'll do diagonal and then cross diagonal. Yeah. So you end up with four diamonds.

And I don't mind dipping those diamonds into the egg. It's easier than going soldiers for me. What would you call those? Like, they're not, like drones? I call them diamonds. Oh. Drones. Eggs and drones.

Yeah, yeah. Soldiers, I get it. Yeah. Oh, sure. Eggs and... And drones. I just started something, guys. Trademark.

Yeah, eggs and drones. Can I make that into a business? No. I mean, can you make... Drone toast? I didn't think you could make toast into a topic, but here we are. So, if you can make toast into a topic, you can make eggs into a business. And so, I've kind of...

When I'm buying bread oh god this continuing yeah uh i i like it's hard to know what it's going to be as a toast oh they should have a toaster in the store listening station virgin megastore let me just pop some of this texas toast and here's the out give it a squeeze. If it bounces back, it's usually a good toast. Abby bought some Wonder Bread. That's garbage.

Yeah. Yeah, but that's always been the case. You can have your children taken away if you have Wonder Bread. They follow you home. I think it's made in a Twinkie factory. I think it's cake. It's cake shaped like bread. But if you toast it, it smells like burning plastic.

Yeah. Are you sure that you took it smells like burning plastic. Yeah. Are you sure that you took it out of the plastic? Oh, that's maybe the problem. There was a lot of cramming going on. At a restaurant, they're so much better at making the toast than I am at home. That's because they buy their toast in bulk. I guess I got to talk to... My compliments to the chef all restaurant.

Yeah. Well done on the toast. The toast chef. I got my red seal in toast. In toast. I can do crumpets. I can do muffins. Yeah.

I can do... You can't. Yeah, English muffin. Yeah, you can't toast. English muffin. Oh, the crumpets? Those are my favorite. What are those?

They're like. They're kind of like an English muffin, aren't they? Yeah, they're like, it's like a one piece. Do they go in a toaster? Yes. Okay. And they've got the little like holes in them. Yeah.

And the butter just drips down into, we got to go guys. We're going to go get some toast. Where do you get, are they in your grocer's freezer? They're not in the freezer. They're in the regular section. Yeah, they're in the regular section yeah they're in with the buns the rolls what do you toast uh you know uh i micro toast i had to say it what did you say i micro toast yeah micro toast yeah what's that that's like taking a little bit of LSD. Oh. Tiny bits of LSD or ecstasy.

Oh, so you can still drive? Yeah. So that you can still go to work. I apologize. I interrupted. But I think it was worth it. It was well worth it. Erica, I commend you.

Thank you. You know, I toast bread mostly. Almost exclusively. Yeah. What about a pop tart? Oh, very rarely. Uh, it's been a long time since I've had an Eggo pop tarts. I could eat them raw.

Didn't need to toast. Oh yeah. They didn't, I mean, toasting. But then the butter doesn't melt when you put them on. What about, um, uh, I just use one of those Japanese butter knives. There you go. I don't need it. I don't need it to melt.

I do like toast. Well, Dave likes toast. Have you seen. When you send this synopsis, like when you're reporting back to Maximum Fun and they're like, so for this drive, what did you guys, what heavy hitting? What happened to you go above and beyond? You're like, well, we did a solid 12 and a half minutes on toast. I do feel like with this show, the less I bring, the funnier it gets. Yeah.

What about avocado toast? Oh, yeah. Hot dog. I love it. Yeah. What do you, do you do it at home? I do. I tried to poach an egg.

Full disclosure, I've never poached an egg before. That's very difficult. It gets all like the lady in the water. It looks like it's wearing a flowy dress. Yeah, yeah. That's the best part. And I don't know what I did wrong, but then when I pulled those eggs off.

What did you cook it in? A big pot. Yeah. And I think it was supposed to be in a smaller shallow pan. You meant like what liquid did you

cook it in? Milk. Tomato soup. That would be just fine. Yeah, it would be fine. It'd be delicious. Yeah. And it looked so gross,

I just put them right into the composting and just had plain old avocado toast with a bit of salt and tomato on top. Delicious. Here's my idiot-proof poached egg recipe. Here we go. Listeners, grab a pencil and pad. Give them time to grab a pencil and pad. Kago.

Kago waffles. Shallow pan. Uh-huh. Fill it with water. Crack your egg into a little cup. And then when the water's boiling, turn off the heat. Lower the cup, four cups into the water and then cover it with a, never put the, never boil the water again. Never. Once it's hot enough, you just cover it. Oh, never boil the water again. Never. Once it's hot enough, you just cover it.

Oh, you have to put a little bit of vinegar in. Oh, I forgot to say white vinegar. Too late. Nah, it's all the recipes. It's a stinkaroo. And you get a flotted spoon. After five minutes. Pull it out.

Mwah. I mean, not as good as like a restaurant. So you never take it, you never dump it out of that cup. You just lower it in. You lower the cup in and never dump it out of that cup. You just lower it in. You lower the cup in and then dump it. And then gently. Yeah, but the water kind of has to enter the cup as the egg is exiting it. It's like a water birth.

It is a little bit. Okay. And your donations every month go towards Dave's bread habit. Yeah. Toast and egg habit. I mean, not the worst thing for you. No. Not the best, but.

No. What is the best thing for you? Exercise. But like, you're not going to exercise instead of eating an egg. But if you did, imagine how fit you'd be. But fit as opposed to healthy? Nah. Look, I'm a fitness nut nut you know that about me graham has

uh been running he graham yeah told me he never told me he'd started jogging that's right because i didn't want to talk about it on the podcast and he never will talk about it on the podcast that is correct uh and this is being cut out but he has a wound from a jogging wound yeah yeah i fell fell on both of my hands cut them up real nice and uh still hurts a lot this was weeks ago to a week ago a week ago yeah and uh how long has it been a week sorry it's been oh sorry it's been one week. Okay. So I guess that's about all I have to say about toast. Nutella's pretty good on it. Oh, sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes, you know what I like? French. Yeah. Yeah. Nice French toast. Yeah. Oh, beautiful.

I mean, that's toast in name only. Yeah, but still bread. It's toast adjacent. Yeah. It's in the name only. Yeah, but still bread. It's toast adjacent in the toast family. Non-binary toast. It won't define itself one way or another. What's up with you? I was in Toronto and I went out to a bar. Wait, wait.

How long were you in Toronto? When were you in Toronto? I was in Toronto on Monday and then Tuesday. And then I left Toronto, went to Halifax, went to the last taping of This Hour is 22 Minutes for the season, then flew back here. So a lot of real jet set, real jet set week all over the map. What were you doing in Toronto?

The Debaters. Oh, okay. And so I was there a night early, so I went out to a bar with past guests, Kayla Lorette and Tom Henry. The bar. They're a couple. They're a couple.

And this bar. Also, if you donate to the show and write us, we'll tell you which of the guests on our podcast are a couple. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. It's been our secret till now, but we're ready to spill. Kevin Banner and... Fatima Dore. Fatima Dore.

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's just a tease. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just wait. But we went to a bar that was uh that had a like an open mic night music night uh-huh and uh it was fascinating i haven't i have not seen just an open mic music night until maybe like maybe the first year i was in comedy, any open mic was comedy. And so it's been years and years and years. There are open mics that are omnibus.

Yes. That are like, come read a poem, come sing a song, come do five minutes of comedy. That's what this was. It was just whatever, whoever signs up gets to go up. I wish I had my acoustic guitar here. The range was from... Was Bruce Hornsby and the Range were there? Yep.

Some people had a beautifully arranged song, and they had backup singers. And this is playing to a room of only people who we only graham and past podcast guests who are couples that's that's about it like everybody else was on the show there was no there were no customers that's the same as a stand-up yes very much so um and uh yeah like some people like went all out and had planned. You could tell they had rehearsed. And then some people, it was like, well, you needn't have. You could have done this at home.

You didn't have to go out in the cold and come all the way down here to do something that bad. Shots fired. Yeah, yeah. I won't say who's who. But I enjoyed the hell out of it. I don't know why I don't. I thought it doesn't sound like something that would be enjoyable but it turns out it was great it was uh did you um how so was it an empty place like yeah yeah could they hear you whispering yeah yeah yeah this guy's

this guy's got it how many times did you go this guy's got it for How many times did you go, this guy's got it? At the beginning of every song, I'd turn my back on them, and then I'd go, wait a minute, and turn back around. You'd hit a button, and your chair would turn around. This is the voice. See, I wonder if anybody up there, because you do have a look about you that you could be like a record producer. You know what I mean?

And you were wearing tiny glasses. I was wearing tiny glasses, yeah. I showed up in an old limousine. People could have been like, I think there's industry here. I think that's Frankie Sharp from Sharp Records. This guy wants to sign me, and they see you making like really disapproving looks and I try harder and I'm just doodling

just a stick man with giant penises yeah if you if you were the head of a record label like a real CEO

executive guy who makes tens of millions of dollars a year can you imagine going to an open mic I mean look how they found justin bieber yeah singing in front of that wasn't youtube that wasn't a guy who was already rich

who found him that's true i mean usher i guess was yeah but someone usher had a guy i would love to be first of all skeeter i'd love to be usher. Yeah, who wouldn't? Yeah, he sings, he dances. I saw him in an airport once. What? He says bride side or groom side. I'm sorry, are you speaking of a different person? His house falls. But it would be fun to be a famous guy and to put on a costume and go

to an open mic night. Oh, sure. And then like, or to put on, try out some new material, put on hidden camera glasses and serve ice cream. I mean, that would be fun too. That's how we do it. Um, but yeah, the, uh, uh, but like, I think this group of people move kind of around town to different open mics. And that's what they do.

That's their scene. And you know what? I enjoyed the shit out of it. Should we find an open mic in Vancouver and we'll do it? We'll get a few comics together. Nice ones, not the judgy ones. I mean, the judgy nice in the way I do it.

To sit in the audience? Yeah, we'll just go, because like sometimes I find at karaoke, because with comedy, you can. How often do you go

to karaoke? What's your song? Once every 700 years. Well, when we go to Japan, there's always, of course, karaoke.

And so my song, because here's the thing, I can sing, but not when I'm trying to match what someone else is already singing. Right. So if I sing acapella. So my song, because here's the thing, I can sing, but not when I'm trying to match what someone else is already singing. So if I sing acapella. So my song is kind of freestyle.

Yeah. So I go up there. No, I always do Nancy Sinatra's These Boots Are Made For Walking because there's no change in the key, really. It's just you start and you do some funny little actions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do a little dance. Oh, yeah. It's great.

I mean, it's not great. People often ask me not to go up. But I do anyways. But, like, sometimes you go out and see karaoke nights, and people are amazing singers. Yeah. And you're just like, you know, like, you'll see a really funny comic, but you're kind of still like, well, it's always up to.

We should do comedy karaoke nights. Oh, I've had, yes. We're going to do this. Okay. This is my, here's my other idea and I will follow through on it. Okay. Okay. So we're going to do an urban world reunion.

Okay. And we write signature bits of people that we used to do in the early 2000s in a hat. And we have to go up and you draw someone's bit and you have to try to do that bit from the past. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, and then

people can tag you out to finish it. Oh, that's fun. That would be very funny. I think it would be hilarious. Anyways, tickets are $29.99. You can find them

in your Instagram feed. What do you guys think of the idea of carpool karaoke? What about that? That would never work. Yeah, it's like I have been at a karaoke night where somebody goes up and they're singing really well and they're dancing. That was you i mean i don't recognize you without the wig and the uh and the backup dancers one of whom i stole from taylor swift oh boy convincing backup dancers to join you at a

karaoke night. Oh, will we be doing any singing? No, no, no. Just the moves I showed you. We just have the one microphone. Make him go. As they shoot across the sky. I can't believe I didn't recognize you up there. You keep saying you got something for me.

Man of a thousand voices. Now do Don Corleone singing how does the theme of the godfather go yeah baby you're a godfather baby you're a godfather leave the cannoli no wait leave the gun and take the cannoli oh man oh boy Dave literally just morphed into a 74 year old man Leave the cannoli. No, wait. Leave the gun and take the cannoli. Oh, man. Oh, boy.

Dave literally just morphed into a 74-year-old man as he was doing that voice. Oh, boy. Should we move on to a bit of Max Fun business? Sure. Do we play the little three notes? Okay. That was cool. Guys, this this is it this is the big rundown we're gonna pull out our papers yep and we're gonna talk about the max fun drive

did i mention that this is just two weeks long just two episodes we'll be talking about it and uh your donations basically make the show that we we couldn't do this without you guys uh as and thanks to everyone who does already donate we absolutely appreciate that but now it's time we gotta get more yeah yeah yeah and uh you know if you're already a member thank you very much for being a member maybe you're flush maybe you're having a good year maybe you're having a good couple of you very much for being a member. Maybe you're flush. Maybe you're having a good year. Maybe you're having a good couple of years. Hey, good for you.

Look at you. You know, why not up that donation? Yeah, yeah. I mean, if you're doing all right. I'm pretty generous of you, but we'll accept it. Yeah, there's a wide range of levels you can donate from $5 a month all the way up to, I mean, $200 a month. If you're that flush, you're probably listening on golden ear pods, on golden pods.

On golden pods. In the golden shower. They're waterproof. They're waterproof. they're waterproof. Um, um, uh, but,

uh, yeah, if you, uh, uh, $200, that would be amazing. You,

chances are you're not going to start out as a $200 a month listener. Uh, but, uh, uh, five, 10, uh,

think of what you spend every month on, like, uh, on coffee, on diaper rash cream, or things that you don't appreciate as much as you appreciate the shows on maximum fun uh if we're a big part of your life if we're something you listen to every week something that you're like it's one o'clock

on monday the episode is two minutes late where is it oh there it is maybe yeah maybe you should consider becoming a donor and supporting the show so uh what we're going to do now, we're going to ask you, or we're going to show you, tell you everything you can get. If you donate at $5 a month, you get that exclusive bonus content. And if you're already a donor, check your email, because you probably got an email with a list of all the exclusive bonus content. If you want to become a first time donor, you get our past decade of bonus episodes as well.

Oh man. And there's been some a doozies. Uh, there was the card guys last year, card guys last year. It was that backwards episode. Yeah. There was a year that we did,

uh, we played a full game of trivial pursuit. We, uh, yeah, there was a song one. Yeah. We did the, yeah. The pilot of our debut Trivial Pursuit. We wrote a song one year. Yeah, we did the pilot of our debut album, basically. And this year, Graham and I, thanks to popular demand,

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Thanks for sitting through that. Let's move on to overheard. Yes, indeed. thanks for uh sitting through that let's move on to overheard yes indeed overheard overheards a segment in which we hear things and then we share them and we always like to start with the guest erica. Here I am. Here you are. Yes. Rock us like a hurricane. Okay. I have two mini overheards.

Okay. I'll allow it. Yeah. I feel really remiss in my overheards because they're not stellar, but they're humorous. That's fine. They're just the kind of enjoyable tidbit. Yeah. So my friend Crystal,

who's also Jay's cousin, but she's awesome. Her and a friend came with me and a bunch of comics to main Island to do a comedy show. And she's like a nurse and really smart, but she says some of the most, like you're like, you give people medicine.

So we're, we're all kind of hanging out and getting ready and i hear in the other room like her and crystal are talking about like mar going to mars and then she stopped and she's like wait when humans go to space do they still need to eat valid question yeah i was like you're a nurse though nurse or like a kid who's gone to a uh science museum gift shop and seen astronaut ice cream yeah yeah um and that was before the drinking she's a nurse she's not an astro no that's true she's not an astro nurse um first nurse in space maybe fingers She's not an astro nurse. Um, first nurse in space, maybe fingers crossed. I think there's probably been a nurse in space at this point. They're letting anyone in space.

Do you think? It doesn't speak very highly of nurses. I mean, they let Lance Bass, the guy who thinks that happened. Um, the, uh,

well, no, but like, I think to be an astronaut, it's all people who have like 50 accomplishments like i'm a nurse i'm also a geologist i'm an expert in ants this is just armageddon what you're you're pitching we're gonna need one expert in ants one geologist one nurse one wild card you know, one loose cannon. A singer.

Yeah, and then a singer. What was Matt Damon's background in The Martian? He was a botanist, right? He was a Martian. He was a, hey, you know what? Was he a botanist? I don't know. He grew all that food, so that's why I assume that that's what happened.

He was a goodwill hunting. He liked apples. Yeah yeah so he could have been a botanist yeah yeah yeah um do you have another you said he had another yeah so the other one is and it's not so much an overheard as it was said directly to my face in a hurtful manner uh my awesome niece emma who you know from her awesomeness when she was younger, she was over. She's lost it. She's lost it. So she went over to Poland to teach English. And it's a program that you sign up and you're 18 and you go to Europe

and they train you for two weeks and then you're a teacher. So I'm talking to her and I'm like, she's telling me they're staying at a hostel in Warsaw. And I'm like, you're staying at a hostel? And she's like, yeah, it's like a hotel, but for young people. I was like, you delightful little bitch. I was like, I know what a hostel is. And they're, well, I guess a youth hostel is literally for youth.

Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of hostels, you know, run by young folks. Does a youth hostel, because I've stayed at hostels, they're like a internet, I guess Hosteling International is the company or group. Yeah. Is there like a age limit on them? Yeah.

I think they don't want, you know. I think for dudes there should be. If I showed up, they'd be like, I bet she went through a rough divorce. She's finding her eat, pray, love, but in Poland. In Poland! I guess she came here to

pray? She's going to eat all the delicious food that Poland has. Sausage mostly, I'm guessing. Sauerkraut. Because eat, pray, love, she goes to three different places to do each thing? all the delicious food that Pauline has sausage mostly I'm guessing sauerkraut yeah because eat pray love she goes to three different places

to do each thing she goes to Italy she goes to Bali pray and she goes to India love no India might be

pray yeah and then love in Bali yeah she also does a little bit of loving in Italy

she gets around yeah yeah yeah. Lovin' every minute of it. Which, yeah, anyways. Lovin'! If that movie was about a dude who just woke up and left his wife to go off and sleep with a bunch of other women, we'd be like, what an asshole. She thinks it's a movie. I think of it as a book.

Eat, pray, pork. Ah, that would be. Eat pork, pray pork. That would be it. Eat pork, pray pork. And pork yourself. Dave, do you have an overheard? I suppose I do in a roundabout way. This is from my daughter. Yep.

So in the alleyway behind our house, one of our neighbors has a toilet in their driveway. A carport. A carport. Is a carport the back driveway? It's an open driveway. Yeah. Yeah. In the back driveway.

Or an open garage. Yeah, an open garage. A roofless garage. A convertible garage. Yeah. Someone has a toilet there, and it's been there the whole time we've lived here. We drive by it every day. Wave at it.

Margo is kind of obsessed with it. There's that toilet. And like, look at the toilet. Oh, the toilet's there. Oh, it's raining on the toilet. And then the other day, we were just driving by and she looked at it and she went, I love that toilet.

Have they planted anything in it? Because that would blow their mind. A turd. Oh. Why? Why? Yeah, it's just a neighborhood character in the local toilet. I love that toilet.

I love that toilet. The other thing she said that I'm going to also use is the other day she was at, we were at my sister's house and she was playing with her cousins in the basement. And she doesn't have any like Star Wars toys at her house because she doesn't know what Star Wars is. Yeah. She has no interest in it, but she'll play with the toys. And she had this little storm trooper and she said, I'm from Star Wars. I'm going to kill you. Out of my way, toilet, I'm from Star Wars. I'm going to kill you. Out of my way, toilet.

I'm from Star Wars. Yeah, that's what stormtroopers say. I'm from Star Wars. I'm from the first one. They say that. They say that after the movie in the post-credits sequence. Hi, I'm from Star Wars. We had a lot of fun here today but i'm gonna kill you

in the uh when there's like little uh like cardboard cutouts of their faces in the in the lobby of the movie theater and kids can take a picture with them yeah it usually just says i'm from star wars i'm gonna kill you luke i'm from star wars um do you have an overheard i do or a famous local toilet i don't have a famous local toilet i'm just thinking like do i have a famous uh like a local thing that hasn't moved there's a there's a pile of trash that's just kind of uh set up shop in an abandoned building that's not far from my house. So it's got a mattress. And I guess I love that mattress.

Yeah. I see it every day. But my overheard was on a plane with a kid. There's two kids with their parents and asking just a thousand questions. Just from the time they got on the flight, how do I put the headphone on? How do I make the TV go? How do I turn the volume up?

How do I skip this thing? Just every, there was just like a question for every possible emotion, like moment of the flight. Why isn't there a sling for my feet? Yeah. Would you call it a stirrup? And the parents were doing their damnedest to answer all these questions. would you call it a stirrup and

the parents were doing their damnedest to answer all these questions you know they were trying to answer their kids curiosity and at one point when we landed we landed in Montreal

and one kid was just rattling he had gone question mad he was just rattling off those questions are we are we in montreal yes we're in montreal yes are we in boston what the parent that just stopped cold what we hadn't flown from boston but the kid was like is that their final destination maybe no no they were like because the other kid was asking when do i get to put my coat on so they were leaving the airport but the kid somehow maybe saw boston and somewhere the boston pizza no it might have been it was the inflate boston pizza spoiler alert there's no boston pizzas in in Boston yeah or probably

even Montreal or America yeah oh they do have them in America they're just called Bostons yeah

they have there's definitely one in Bellingham yeah yeah Bostons hmm famous for pizza

yeah a weird a weird Canadian chain of pizza restaurants named after a city not famous for Boston, and yet the head of Boston Pizza, he's one of the dragons. Yeah, that's true. He also owns Mr. Lube, which is a...

I'll let your imagination run away. Not to be confused with Mr. Tube Steak, which is another Canadian company that I'll also let you. be confused with mr tube steak which is another canadian company that will also let you uh we also have overheards uh sent in from people all over the place if you want to send one into us you can send it into spy at maximumfund.org and this first one uh takes place uh in new york city this is new york city yeah i mean this is megan from philadelphia uh but she was in new york i probably went through penn station oh absolutely that's where you land um this place takes place on a student-filled bus on a university field trip from philly to nyc arriving in the nyc theater district an excited student says loudly, Phantom of the Opera is not emo.

A few moments pass, and then the student says, Well, I guess it is a little emo. I think it's pretty emo. Oh, boy. What are the most emo musicals? Why did I suggest this top band? Cats. Yeah.

Midnight Express or Starlight Express. Pretty emo. Les Mis. Les Mis is very emo. or starlight express pretty emo um play ms play ms yeah emo um i'm not even sure what emo is now that i know i don't get out loud i mean i i know emo phillips yeah hilarious comedian yeah skinny comedian well kind of long hair kind of look like an emo guy. I think he got a haircut, though. Yeah. Well, it was about time. Yeah. Yeah, emo is, that was a type of music and aesthetic from 2001. Yeah.

Through 2004. Feels like a goth light. Yeah. Feels like goth. Just, I can't commit to the dark side, but I'm on my way. I'm punky. I'm mad. I'm punky. I'm Brewster. Yeah. It was like goth. Just, I can't commit to the dark side, but I'm on my way. I'm punky. I'm mad. I'm punky.

I'm Brewster. Yeah. Punky Brewster emo? No. No. She was manic pixie dream girl. Yeah. She was a ray of sunshine.

Yeah. Yeah. But she did have that little handkerchief around her leg. Remember? Yeah. Yeah. That was a little punk rock. Yeah.

She was like 11 or 12. So I would have been interested to see what kind of young woman she would have grown into. That's a sequel series we could all get into. You, I mean, a lot of, there's, it's well known what became of Soleil Moon Frye. No, but I mean, what happened to Punky Brewster? Yeah. I know. Wait.

Who was Mayim Bialik? She was Blossom. Blossom. Blossom. Yeah. And she was also. Who was my own Bialik? She was Blossom. Blossom. Blossom. Yeah. And she was also. Would they have been friends?

Maybe. I don't think they would have been enemies. The hat and the handkerchief around the leg. That's a look. Look. I don't know about the future. That's anybody's guess. This next one comes from Dylan in Louisiana. I'm an English teacher.

My students were... Hello, hello. We're working on a character background assignment today. One of them said to his group, his name is Carl Johnson. He doesn't know Italian. I'll give him French, but he does not know Italian.

That could be a description of me. Yeah. It's true yeah you could say I know French but definitely don't know Italian what could you string together in Italian? o como se dice ah

ah mi famiglia ah oh es bueno so that was was that I'm hungry my family is good it's good but es bueno

because I think it's good but it's bueno because I think it's Spanish Spanish um finally this one comes from Claire in Dublin

I'm in a bar in Dublin bar sitting beside a group of people who seem to work together they're saying a lot of funny things my favorite thing was

man about a manager that they hate uh huh he looks like a horse escaping from a man costume that's great that really does like long features spindly legs um a tail of some sort uh or what do you picture when you picture a horse escaping from a man costume. Boy. It's tough for a horse to do it. The man standing straight up with his arms straight up in front of him. I mean, because the classic is the two humans being a horse.

Yeah. But you would need half a horse to be a man. That's right. He's leaning forward slightly. I know the anatomy of a horse. Yeah, of course. That's right. Because you're a horse lady. Yeah, lady yeah lady escaping from a unicorn that would be the name of your biography the anatomy of a

horse the anatomy of a horse so what would you have would it be a person who's leaning on their arms no it's a horse dressed up like a human so first of all he's up on his hind legs and if you've ever seen a horse up on their hind legs they Yeah. And if you've ever seen a horse up on their hind legs, they can't stand there for long. No. So they've got their front two legs, which are the arms,

kind of out in a crazy, like, I'm about to. Frankenstein. Frankenstein-ish. And yet, that's like the best time to paint a horse

is when they're on their hind legs. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard to get them to stay there. Yeah. In addition to overhears that are written in we also accept your phone

calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one ugh spy pod one like these people

have hi Dave and Graham and probable guest um I was just now awoken by some loud thumping in my apartment building. And I look out my window and it's some painters painting another apartment open my door and there's a small piece of paper taped over my peephole and it's the corner of an envelope and it just says goof snitch. I recognize the type of tape that is taping it to the door so I have a probable suspect which

is one of my neighbors I've never spoken to but I am going to be puzzling for a long time over the two words, goof, snitch. Do they think I snitched about a goof or that I am a goofy snitch? And they're all wrong answers because like I said, never spoken to this person. I don't know what this is in reference to, but I am a goof snitch. Have a good day. Bye.

Goof snitch. I mean, if you're listening to the show, chances are your neighbor thinks you're a goof. Yeah. And you know what? If you have any stitches, they assume that's where you got them from. Just a side note. If you do get the $50 a month max fund membership and you get the membership card with your name on it,

you can have them write goof snitch. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's not one of those things where you type it in and say, it says cannot put that does not compute. Yeah. Um,

you have to write an extra email, I think, but you can definitely secure a goof snitch. Yeah. Uh, and you know what? Probably goof snitch.com is probably available, so if you're looking to

buy a domain, why not? Do you... At the beginning, when he was like, I was awoken by some thumping, I assumed it was in the middle of the night and not just when painters were setting up. Yeah.

But maybe he works the night shift. Yeah. I mean, but maybe he's got, maybe he works the night shift. Yeah. Yeah. I'm curious as to how he could identify the tape. Yes. From neighbors to whom he has never spoken. Uh-huh. I have some follow-up questions for this gentleman.

Maybe the neighbor has some fancy Japanese washi tape. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I wonder how much I know about my neighbor's tape habits. Very little. Yeah, but I feel like my landlord lives above me, and I feel like I'd be able to identify the type of tape she uses. If you laid out five different types of tape, I think I could guess.

In a lineup? Yeah. Sir, don't worry. This is double-sided glass. No one can see you. Didn't you identify the tape that your landlady uses to your left please vanished they all look the same now i mean i could probably make a list of the worst canadian tape number one that packing tape that doesn't cut off evenly and sometimes

kind of splinters off. Yeah, yeah. Is that clear or the brown one? That's clear. Sometimes you get that brown stuff. Oh boy. Yeah. Looks like a garbage bag or something. That Amazon tape that's got like strings in it. Yeah.

Next phone call. Hello, this is Roxanne calling from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. And with my overheard, I was walking in my daughter's school and I passed these two kids that must have been like nine years old, these two dudes. And they were just chatting really closely together and really earnestly. So I was like kind of interested to hear what they were saying. And as I walked by, one was saying to the other, sorry, I burned you so hard, dude.

I just wanted to be part of the conversation. That's how you join the conversation. What are we all making fun of this guy? Can I just say she had a very lovely voice. Yeah. I feel like she could. Yeah. It was very calming. I said that my blood pressure a very lovely voice. Yeah. I feel like she could. Rocks in. Yeah. Yeah.

It was very calming. I said that my blood pressure just dropped. That's true. You should actually check your blood sugar monitor. Yeah. I said blood pressure. Yeah, I know, but. Not blood sugar.

I know, but. My blood sugar just dropped. She's got the voice of insulin. Erica, go ahead and have that cookie um the uh i do like the fact that you were just called a dude what's weirder calling a grown woman a dude or calling a nine-year-old boy a dude a grown woman a hundred percent yeah i don't know a nine-year-old dude yeah little dude you gotta check it out you gotta got pubes to be dudes. Dave's pretty proud of himself for that.

Yeah. I didn't even get it out clean. You gotta got pubes to be dudes. You gotta get pubes. But yeah, Roxanne in Saskatoon, maybe consider being one of these people who reads a book on tape. Yeah, or like guided meditation. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What we're saying is we have a possible new career for you.

Yeah. Yeah. Can you, what goes, do you know what a guided meditation is? It's like, there's nothing. There's nothingness. Your brain is a piece of wax falling on a termite. It's choking on the splinters. Now go buy a McDonald's cheeseburger.

See, that was a sneaky advertising. I don't know if you noticed it, but I slipped it in. You really should put ads in guided meditation podcasts. Squarespace is what you want. I think we also think meditation and hypnosis are the same thing.

Final overheard. Hi, Dave Graham, Impossible Guest. This is Dan in Bloomington, Indiana with an overheard. I was at a Target the other day, and a mom with her daughter yelled as loud as she possibly could to everyone that was listening. Please hurry quickly. Father has given us the opportunity to go get mall pizza. We must go with haste and authority to the food court. And I don't know if she was like making fun of fun of the dad, but he was not having it.

So, anyway, off I go. Father has given us the opportunity. To have mall pizza. That sounds like something out of Star Wars. Father has given us the opportunity. And it's a ticking clock if we don't get it in this window. Yeah, if we don't hit that Sparrow. And it is a Sparrow. That's for sure.

I think that's the mall pizza. I would not know. Yeah. We don't have a mall pizza chain here, do we? No. We've got pizza slices on every other corner. But mall pizza is probably just a, you know, Mamma Mia's, something like that. Some sort of name like that.

A weird flying wedge with potato chunks on it. Yum. An Irish pizza. Well, that brings us to the end of the episode. And before we say goodbye to our guests, we want to remind you

one more time that it is the first week of the Max Fun Drive. Guys, you listeners are the whole reason we make the show. This wouldn't be possible without you. That's true.

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Or, you know, if you're someone that's going through Brexit, pounds. Yeah. Keep going through Brexit. I've been going through Brexit pounds. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so I think through Brexit, I've been going through Brexit for a long time. Anyways. Um, but yeah,

we love making the show. We do. We, uh, we love that we've been able to do it for so long and you, we know you love listening. And if you want to help us out, maximum fun.org slash donate.

We think you can do it. Please, please make it happen. I know they can. Yeah. And thank you so much, Erica, for being our guest. Thank you. I've had a delightful time. It's been a really nice time.

It's been fun. It's fun. It's fun to have you. You're fun. You're fun. And what do you got that you'd like to plug? What's going on? I've got

a couple weekends at the Comedy Mix coming up. Mm-hmm. March 21st to 23rd, the following weekend opening for Phil Hanley or emceeing

for Phil Hanley. And then, also, why not go to iTunes and stream Situational Feminist? Yeah. You know,

do it there instead of Spotify. So I get 40 cents. And then you'll, you'll understand the, the little coin purse. You'll understand the coin purse. If you subscribe to me for $10,000 a month, I will be rich. It's as good as easy as that. I was going to offer something and then I was like well that's gross and prostitution

what will I do for ten thousand dollars a month get back to me I'll plan your travel I'll plan your vacation yeah oh boy

and I think a vacation planned by Erica Sigurdsson you're going to have a lot of fun you're going to be kickstarting you're going to be

able to travel with one of those foot hammocks. Yeah, sure. Thanks for coming, Erica. The local comedy club here is closing. April 30th.

So there's going to be a lot of comedians co-headlining and trying to get more spots in before the end of it. Are you going? I'm going to be there. of comedians like co-headlining and trying trying to get more spots in before the end of it yeah are you going i'm i'm gonna be there i can't remember what weekend it is but it's in april i'll plug it i'll plug it as it as it approaches um uh but you know i'll be doing everybody else's material so because what are you gonna do you're gonna ban me from the club oh i'm gonna drink on stage oh're going to lose their cabaret license. Oh, yeah.

The last show I do there, Erica Sigurdsson is going to drink on stage. I'm going to go out with one of those big beer steins. Just in your face.

I haven't been there in a long time. Maybe I'll show up and do a set and read it out of my notebook. That would be fun. I was looking around the green room like what's something I would like to take as a memento?

And there was nothing. Like, I was just like, never mind. Take this bulletin board. Yeah. But thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you. Thank you, all of our listeners and all of our donors. And thank you so much for listening.

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