Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 575 - Charlie Demers

Episode Date: March 25, 2019

It’s week 2 of MaxFunDrive 2019 so we’ve got another one of our favourite guests. Comedian and writer Charlie returns to talk famous Rips, Texas exes, and Canadian production values. Please support the show by going to maxiumfun.org/donate

Hi, he's Dave Shumka, and he's Graham Clark, and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 575 of Stop Podcasting Ourself, week 2, the Max Fun Drive. MFD baby! That voice you hear is the man who's with me as always, Mr. Dave Shumka, who he's, oh, couldn't be more stoked. I'm so stoked you guys. Yeah, it's Max Fun Drive. This is the time of year two weeks this is week two you hear us ask you to support the show the other 50 weeks of the year it's implied you should yeah and this is kind of our you know like how pbs will have a big folk concert that they play

this is our big folk concert we brought out the Pete Seegers we brought out the Jesus and Mary Chain ran out of folks musicians after a while yeah I love discovering it's a PBS pleasure drive

in the middle of you know watching four hours of Rick Steves I want to know what the market is like in different parts of Europe. Yeah, does he have any tips for getting through security in this country? With his addiction to marijuana. But yeah, if you out there are thinking of becoming a Max Fund donor or upgrading your current membership head over to maximumfund.org slash donate yeah this is the time to do it this is the we'll go through uh

a lot of the details later but uh right now on with the show and our uh our guest today uh the pete seeger of this podcast and the jesus and mary chain uh he will be headlining the comedy mix april 4th 5th and 6th it's charlie demers hey oh wow that was a blast that was a blast from the present the blast from the present sorry uh hey everybody it's me it's charlie demers happy to be helping on the pledge show charlie demers man of a thousand voices and uh i brought a few of my friends to help too. Who's this? Well, it looks like it's a news broadcaster, pundit, Chantal Hebert.

Oh boy. Always leads with the most popular. This is a very important podcast to support. podcast to support and I know that it's going to be a very big show. Thank you, Chantal.

Oh, look at Stephen Page. He thinks you should donate. You should donate to the podcast page. Okay. Oh, what's that? Evander Holyfield?

No, I don't know Evander Holyfield. People are madly Googling who the can I get a voice print of Stephen Page as the guy

from Barenaked Ladies before. Yeah. Yeah, he's the that's Ben. I think that might have been his last of the BNL hits.

Oh, yeah, it was the... No, he was on a couple more. Was he on after that? I mean, what would you call a hit? Because in America, that was like their first hit. Really? Yeah, the theme song to... He was gone before then.

Oh, that's got to really hit him in the pocketbook. Yeah, that's got to really hit him in the pocketbook. Yeah, that's... But he was on the theme song to Royal Canadian Air Force. Yeah, which probably hit him in the pocketbook right there. Was that him? Yeah. Well, it was all of them. Yeah.

Fun. Want to get to know us? Sure. Get to know us. Hi. Hi. Oh man, I'm really getting a lot of, it's a little poppy. Now, Charlie, you were here on our Christmas episode.

I was. But we decided the Max Fun Drive is all about bringing back the faves. Yeah. And you're our fave. To be honest, I'm such a catastrophist in my normal sort of life. I thought they were bringing me back early because something went wrong. Like maybe

it was some sort of confrontation. We gotta clear the air. We've brought the person who's here. This is my James Fray on Oprah. Jumping on the couch. I might be crossing.

Now, she brought him on and then said, like. I recommended your book and I feel dumb about it. Yeah, yeah. And then. Did you make him say sorry? Because it wasn't quite fiction. Yeah, you kind of made it up. It wasn't quite nonfiction.

Yeah. That would be. If she was like, recommendsfantastical story, and then she's angry that it really happened. No, you said this was fiction. I never read that book, but I remember the cover. It was like a hand with a bunch of sprinkles on it. Yeah.

I think it was like a dissolving hand. No, no. It had sprinkles. Was it sprinkles? I think you guys are confusing this with the autobiography I, Rip Taylor.

Not confetti. Oh, sorry. Was that Rip Taylor's whole thing? Yeah. That's my understanding of it. This is like. That's amazing. We like how homophobic society was like within living memory.

Yeah. You could just be famous for kind of, oh, kind of being a sort of like closet case throwing confetti on people yeah but like where did he do that was that like a he'd come out on the tonight show and do that or was he a game show contestant because all i i only really know him from he was in wayne's world too oh was he in wayne's world too he was in wayne's world too but i know Well, he played Artie on the Larry Sanders show. Yeah, two guys named Rip. Come on. That's insane.

I mean, Rip Torns, his has got to be a made up at some point. Made up name? Well, because it's Rip Torns. Yeah. Also because no mother is like, this is my son. This is? Well, because it's Rip Torn. Yeah. Also because no mother

is like, this is my son. This is my son, Rip. I named him Rip. Well, his name's Ripper, but we call him Ripper on that. This is his brother,

Shrederick. Who's Japanese for some reason. Shrederick Steves. who's Japanese for some reason rhetoric steves rip torn birth name elmore rule r-u-a-l torn junior elmore that's a cool name

it is a cool name no one knows where rip comes from what if rip taylor is elmore taylor then i think we're really on to something but yeah rip taylor's like one of these guys that charles elmer elmer taylor weird oh that is also junior another junior maybe Rip is just short for junior. Yeah. Or dead. Yeah. Yeah. Which, yeah.

No, Rip Torn is alive. I think. And kicking. Yeah. And literally kicking. Flight attendants. And according to his voice. He's, according to Wikipedia, he's straight. Who, Rip Taylor?

Who, Rip Taylor? Yeah. Oh, interesting. I don't recall Wikipedia, let's say, orientation. Oh, interesting. I don't recall Wikipedia. Let's see. Orientation. Well, height, weight. Yeah.

Spouse. It does say a spouse, but the spouse name, this sounds like a made-up name, too. Terry Van Pat. Rusty Rowe. Rip and rusty. Rusty Rowe Riffin' Rusty Oh, you know You can make fun of Rusty all you want

But legal abortion comes down to That case Rusty Rowe Versus Rusty Wade Versus Brassy Wade Known for his exuberance and flamboyant personality Flamboyant

His wild mustache, toupee And his habit of showering himself and others with confetti. He couldn't kick that habit. No matter how hard he tried, it was maybe the most whimsical intervention I've ever attended. You've got to, you've got to think of your family.

You've got to think of rusty Gallagher's smashing fruit for afterwards i do like the idea that these like uh these acts like gallagher or rip taylor like that there's sort of just a subdued version of the same thing that they do in their everyday life like if rip taylor's suing someone and like has to go to the like adjudication or wherever it's like meets the opposing council and go, yes, yes.

Flash flash with confetti, but just like beige confetti. Yeah. Just like legal, you know, legal confetti. And then, yeah.

Gallagher just smashes a couple of peaches or lemons, makes them lemonade. I did look it up. Rusty Rowe, man. Okay. So. Rip Taylor. It's just sad that some of these guys who, you know, really were in a position to kind of, I mean, you know, we should think of Rip Taylor as a pioneer. Yeah.

I mean, the confetti industry certainly does. I just don't know what else he did. Like, what was his, like, he, he, he showered people with confetti.

That's all I know. Yeah. But it's, it's weird that we all know him and, uh, and he like, but we don't know why. Yeah all the talk about like oh everybody's famous these days all you do is get a reality show or whatever you got a guy built up became a household

name yeah one of the top two rips well i remember watching much more more depressing list of tailors. Yeah. I remember watching a late night ad for the Dean Martin roasts. And there was always a... I don't think there were any midday ads for the Dean Martin roasts. Well, it's prime time. Prime time, sure. But Ruth Buzzy was this character that would come on and she was just her whole thing is she would hit somebody with her purse so so that's a thing that also was around but that was on that was a sketch and laughing right yeah and then she just kind of continued being a

lady who came out and hit people with her wasn't Wasn't that Squirrel on Animaniacs based on Ruth Buzzy? Like, didn't Slappy the Squirrel, didn't Slappy hit you with a purse? That makes sense. I didn't ever put that together. Holy cow, Ruth Buzzy really... Well, she's a Supreme Court Justice. That's true. That's her other thing.

Ruth Buzzy gets hurt. And she doesn't use a gavel. She uses a purse. She uses a purse. She does. That's what you think, Kavanaugh. You haven't heard about the case of purse versus face. Clonk.

Yeah, but I just remember kind of knowing who all the people on the roast were yeah and they'd be like and ruth busk she also played screech's mom on saved by the bell what yeah oh wow i follow her on twitter she's those who don't know they're saved by the bell in history are doomed to repeat it this is oh boy that's, that is the truth. In the next class. No, was that next class? The college years. College years. Yeah,

there was. Was Degrassi next class? No, they had a next class. They did, and Screech was the principal? Screech was the principal's assistant. Oh,

nice. Yeah. Degrassi was the next generation. Oh, okay. And Star Trek. No, that's Star Trek.

Yeah, sorry, it was Degrassi, Deep Space Nine. Star Trek. Yeah, sorry. It was Degrassi, Deep Space Nine. I watched an episode of Saved by the Bell just randomly.

Just until you got your rocks off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, 27 minutes in. It's a slow burn. In fairness, it was a Tori episode. But yeah, Tori really came and went. She was a part of the show. Was she replacing somebody? Yeah, it was.

There's a little bit of, there was a contract dispute, I think. Yeah. And they're like, you can't kick Tori off of Saved by the Bell. This little cast of what? No, there are like two divergent. They're both their senior years. One with Tori and one with. The Tori one has no Kelly or Jesse. Then vice versa.

So they graduate twice. Chuck Klosterman wrote a whole thing about it. About them? In a book you recommended to me, actually. Like 15 years ago. Oh, the Sex, Dress, and Cocoa Puffs? Yeah, and there's an essay about this and that. it about them in a book you recommended to me actually uh like 15 years ago oh yeah yeah and there's an essay about about this in that about the tory thing yeah and it was yeah it essentially was a contract dispute wow but they just never could decide what they were gonna do with tory

is she the tough girl is she the love interest love interest it was so strange yeah and it was like she was like it felt like that character joe from uh facts of life they just kind of transplanted joe what we need is a joe but then so who wasn't there was kelly and lisa weren't there kelly and jesse kelly and jesse they really got rid of like the i mean to, Tori was carrying a lot of water. Yeah, yeah. Motor oil. I think Screech, Lisa, and Zach are the only three who were on every iteration. Including Miss Bliss.

Including Miss Bliss. That's weird. That's weird that Miss Bliss. Belding as well. That's true. Belding. Oh, yeah. And is he?

Is he still? Dennis Hoskins? Hoskins? Hoskins. Yeah. That's true. Belding. Oh, yeah. And is he still? Dennis Hoskins? Hoskins? Hoskins. Yeah. He's canceled. Oh, has he been canceled? Probably.

For his performance in Roger Rabbit. Was he? No, that was Bob Hoskins. I was just playing with the Hoskins-Haskins, kind of jamming on that vibe. I was just playing with the Hoskins-Haskins, kind of jamming on that vibe. But he actually always seemed like quite a nice, you know, just a nice guy who lucked into this crazy long run from like an actor's perspective. Yeah, I wonder if it's, I wonder if he like, because he thought it was good or not. Cause I always remember like the dad from the Brady bunch hated that. That was the thing that he became known for. He was like, I guess, uh, whatever theater actor.

And then he was like, I'll take this gig. It'll last a season. Nobody will remember me from this dumb show. And that's the only thing. Same with, uh, like Alec Guinness. I feel like he was like, I'll do one space movie. Everybody will remember me for my years and years of

brown face. My many portrayals from across the British Empire. I don't know enough about Alec Guinness. Alec dennis was like he played king faisal in um faisal goes west he played king faisal in uh in lawrence of arabia he was somebody indian in gandhi um i mean that's not what it says on the IMDb.

That's his actual... You're nobody Indian until somebody Indian loves you. We're talking about Sir Alec Guinness? Or regular Alec Guinness? Well, the thing is, Alec Guinness, I think, has a more legitimate claim to frustration in that scenario than Brady Bunch. And certainly more than Dennis Haskins. That's true. I mean, I don't know what Dennis Haskins was up to before.

Yeah, he was like, brownface. He was the lead in a series called Brownface. He was the lead in a series called Brown Face. It was like the gritty new Encyclopedia Brown reboot. Yeah, but I think, you know, that does happen with actors. They get pissed off about something like that. But, I mean, this must have been like that Dennis Haskins guy. He must have got close to 20 years of like staying full employment and just to like really like once an episode be like morris what is going on here that was his big line

hey, hey! He gets an endorsement deal for horses. Or like one of the four horses. For horses. I'm Dennis Haskin for horses. You need something to ride? Trying to figure out how to measure power? Your daughter bored on vacation hey hey

hey horses hey it's what's for horses I do like I do like that there are still ad campaigns just straight up for cotton yeah cotton eggs yeah milk just dairy in general just remember just remember that it's there

you know you'd think at this point because clearly they just have a certain advertising budget that they have to spend. Do something really neat. Just do some kind of Lynchian Twin Peaks content from the egg council or from milk. Just like an egg

laughing at you in the dark. Yeah, like a 19 minute black and white viral video. Or like a dare of if black and white viral video. Or like a dare of if a kid watches a video of an egg to prove it's not scared or whatever. Something neat. I mean, obviously, you're sitting on eggs. You're sitting on big egg money.

But when they put a product placement in TV shows. Like instead of just having Chandler drinking a Pepsi, they should just have Chandler squeezing a thing of cotton. A bunch of swabs. He's just, what's his character's, well he's divorced. Trying to build a new life. He's always cutting, sorry, I's trying to build a new life. He's always cutting... Sorry. I was trying to say cutting hunks.

Cutting hunks. It is one of those actor preparation things you do. Cutting hunks. I'm cutting hunks. I'm cutting hunks. Cutting hunks. Cutting hunks. I'm cutting hunks. I'm cutting hunks. Cutting hunks? Cutting hunks of cotton.

Cutting hunks of cotton. Oh, boy. Speaking of all things acting. Yeah. Yeah, you have a big new thing coming. Yeah, this is, well, so this is, I almost got in trouble for saying it last time I was on. And I caught myself, because we've been recording this series for a little while. And, you know, when you do these cartoons, with cartoons especially, when you get a gig, it's like it's so far out from when, like, you record them. And then they're like, yeah, we're going to be animating these over the next

12 or 15 years. We'll eventually pay you. Yeah, it's such a long process. And they basically kind of want to have the option of cutting you right until the minute the thing goes up.

Because if Ralph Macchio or some other supernova, you know, comes in and says like, Hey, my kid likes these books. I want to be that guy. They'll go.

Okay. Yeah, sure. Charlie, you're out. You've been paid. You're, you know,

you, you don't really have any complaints, but, uh, he swept the leg there. And, uh, yeah,

ironically, uh, that's the cycle of abuse. So children who've had their legs swept are 80% more likely to sweep legs as adults. That's true. So, I was talking about this show last time, and then I caught myself, which is good, because one of the guys who's in charge of making sure nobody says anything on social media is a, uh, stop podcasting yourself is a bumper. And he was like, oh, I heard you, uh, on, um, stop podcasting yourself.

Uh, and then you were about to say the show, but then you caught yourself. And so it was one of those things where like someone tells you like, oh, I saw a thing that you could have gotten in trouble from me. Otherwise, I've been pretty good about this one. Like when a police is like, do you know why I pulled you over? Because you almost did something wrong. Almost. I'm one of the minority report cops and you almost did it.

Yeah. But I got you. Aren't we both glad? Yeah. Aren't we both glad? So this, the show is called last kids on earth and it's based on this like mega huge, like a kid's fiction series.

Yeah, I know. I used to read them actually when I was babysitting Ralph Macchio's kids. He's out almost every night. Him and this Miyagi characteragi character anyways you should see their fence though it's so well painted and the car waxed so uh the only other time i almost gave it away well i kind of did give it away but i was on because you're not supposed to say anything to anybody but I was in I was in Portland

and I went into this really super cute like kids only books thing like and I thought oh maybe I'll get something for Josephine and then maybe I'll autograph some of these books so this is the thing I pick up so the series is called Last Kids on Earth it's like this New York Times

best selling zombie story and I pick up. So the series is called last kids on earth. It's like this New York times bestselling, uh, zombie story. And I pick it up and the guy behind the counter goes, Oh, we can't even hold onto those. They just fly off the shelves. And so I go without even thinking,

I go, well, actually they're making a cartoon and I play this guy. And I pointed to the cover and he was like, Oh, that's really cool. And then I saw a copy of a book by my friend michelle michelle kim she wrote this book uh like a young adult novel called

uh running through sprinklers and i saw that on the shelf and i was like oh that's my friend's book and you and his um countenance behind the counter like changed to just like oh this is a very sick man who is just like a pathological liar about everything about a bunch of kids books did you invent this cash register yeah so I was like

I'm gonna be in this show that's my friends book and he was just like it's so good to have friends so I think I got like sort of uh nipped in the bud for violating the non-disclosure but yeah it's a show uh and i hope the guy by the way who's in charge of firing you for mentioning it i hope he's a donor yeah yeah yeah The donor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Uh, reach out. I, I, um,

it was a very sweet man. I've already said too much. Um, so now identifiable. Yeah. You meet a sweet gentleman. Is he the candy man? Yes. So,

uh, it's this, it's a story about these kids who are like the only ones left alive. Um, after like a zombie apocalypse and there's zombies and monsters and stuff i got and then so this is incredible like katherine o'hara is on the show and um rosario dawson and mark hamill and bruce campbell That's crazy. But I don't ever meet them. But maybe the premium. Well, yeah, exactly.

And, you know, I can put, like, collaborate. Like, remember how comedians used to, when Robin Williams would come to sound, they'd be like, have appeared adjacent to Robin Williams. So I'll have that on all my business cards. I do work with the other, like the star of the show is named Nick Wolfhard. And he's the older brother of that kid from Stranger Things. Finn. Finn.

Yeah. Wolfhard. Elmer. Rip Wolfhard. Elmer Rip Wolfhard um when they

uh having never done any animated things do they videotape you and then base something

and the animation off of your face they didn't this time uh they did that with beat bugs they came in and filmed us um

well he said he was from the show yeah you gotta get some stuff around the house as well. Yeah, yeah. That shirt looks like it's chafing you a bit. It is.

I take off my shirt, then he throws a handful of salt on me, and I wither. So, no, they didn't film us for this one. But it's, I play the big friend. That seems to be my, they'll give me, like, if there's a friend who's much physically larger than the rest of the group of friends, that's my guy. So you could be in, like, a reimagining of, you know, Riverdale and Archie in animated.

Moose. Let's go through these. Sloth on Goonies. An animated sloth. Kramer. You're Kramer. Spanky from Little Rascals?

Was he the fat kid? I don't know. I am not up on my little rascals i could tell you well he was the one big rascal like i think buckwheat i know mostly from we were talking before the show about our knowledge of the adams family and the monsters yeah and uh you're talking about five generations before that yeah but i remember I had a teacher who had a poster of, uh, of the little rascals cause they were called our gang.

Is that the same thing? No, I think those are two different, but similar. Are they like the monsters? Uh, yeah. The little rascals in our gang are competing scamps.

Like green acres and Beverly hill hillbillies like there was just kind of open like i worked for them go make the same show the uh yeah it was a weird that's like a very weird period of television so it was like there could be it could be a talking horse or it could be gilgud's island or it could be two monster families competing on competing networks. A genie. Yeah, a genie or a witch. And everybody was like, this is good. This is good.

Because it was just like, you say it's weird because these are great ideas. Because they're just great ideas and they all happen at the same time. And then as time went by, they just were like, oh, let's just put regular people in a workplace. Yeah. Yeah. Let's just make them mad. Or different configurations of a family. Yeah.

Just make them mad. Because the Brady Bunch came along and then for a little while, everything was Brady Bunch. Right. You know, the step-by-step, like Facts of Life is also sort of a, because it's just. Yeah, different strokes.

How many kids can you get in a situation? Yeah. Build up the ratio of kids to parents. And like, just get them all with some cute catchphrase. everyone's, I think, I feel like adopting was big.

Yeah. Or like, just being, I feel like adopting was big. Yeah. Or like just being saddled with a, like, what's my two dads? Which one was her dad? Like, whoa, whoa.

How did that, like. Yeah. Cause I don't think, cause my two dads wasn't some big pioneering. No. It wasn't a gay thing. No,

no, it was not. Uh, but there were, he worked in a confetti factory, if I remember correctly. Yeah, one of them did. Because I feel like the $6 million man

or the A-team gives you a little spiel at the beginning. They're a team of mercenaries. Yeah, basically catching you up. They tell you everything you need to know. But my two dads was never like, these two dads are straight dads. One of them. But we haven't come up with a paternity tag yet.

It's true. The Fugitive, every single episode of The Fugitive gives you the entire backstory. It's never like, these six friends are just friends. How I Met Your Mother is kind of in the name yeah that's true but it's like in gilligan's island it was in the theme song that was the clever way to like shoehorn in an explanation of like why is this what i mean the professor and marianne must have the worst fucking agents because in the first season they were the rest and the rest it was two more people well i mean the millionaire and his wife i guess like she never got a name she never got name checked in the intro

i remember reading a book about uh written by the guy who played gilligan bob denver yeah and he he just said like when they pitched the show the studio was like fine like they didn't they didn't seek out like why would they have changes of clothes or whatever i don't even think they even bothered to explain it away and it like the amount of material stand-up comedians got in the 80s you want to talk about like a weird one that hasn't been like the gritty reboot thing because that i've never seen riverdale but my understanding is it's basically they take archie and it's like if Archie was real and scary. The hair colors are the same and nothing else. So if

they did a Gilligan's Island, like a gritty, scary Gilligan's Island movie that just had all of those characters like a scientist and a movie star and people will go see that.

Yeah. Hollywood, get on the horn. Make a donation to stop star and it like people go see that. Yeah. No, people will go, Hollywood, get on the horn, make a donation to stop podcasting yourself and you will win me, my idea and a tote bag. You have to put us all up for the next year and a half. Um,

did you watch any of those? So 60s TV shows when you were a kid just cause they were on TV? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, uh,

all the time. So Batman, uh, was a top, like, I mean a big priority for me. I, I really loved Batman.

And then, uh, I was a little older by the time they started running the fugitive, but any was running episodes of the fugitive when it started as a channel and that i mean those two shows are amazing and they really do like hold up i actually own the dvd like collected series of both of those series like they're very good i watched a lot of i guess brady bunch yeah but like but it was never good though right like you never sat there but nothing was but nothing was yeah it wasn't old that's the crazy part to me is like when i was a kid something from like uh brady bunch yeah that was like 100 million years yeah yeah it, that was younger than like a kid today watching like, um, uh, yeah.

Seinfeld. Yeah. Like I used to, like when I taught at UBC, I would, you know, I, in one of the lectures on like sitcom, I'll say, oh, you know, like Murphy Brown and they're like Murphy Brown. What the fuck are you talking about? Like the reboot? Yeah. Yeah.

That's our favorite show, but we don't know this original one you're talking about. No, that's true. I've now been out of it long enough for my references would have landed. Seinfeld, I've often wondered if a teenager would like...

Because I loved it. I still do. And if an episode comes on, I'll just sit there and watch the whole episode. If I happen to be in bed at 10 o'clock, I know it's on TV. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like... I'll even just put it on mute and listen to a podcast because I think it's comforting to see them.

Yeah. And you know all the lines. But would a kid just be like this show's insane like there's a whole episode that you know it's pay phones and answering machines and just all these like weird there's at least one thing like he can build a radio out of a coconut why can't even build a boat that's what the kids would be saying uh remembering back to the beach did you see that movie back to the beach yeah and bob denver is in it and he starts doing all the hack comedian stuff like all his lines are just as though the joke hasn't been made so it's not like arch or knowing it's just like pure garbage filler

screenwriting and uh he's just like i yeah they were uh they were broads but you couldn't touch them that was like one of the things he said why did we all see back to the beach i don't know oh man that was a really big movie for my and my brother. Starring Frankie and Annette. And Pee Wee Herman. Pee Wee Herman. So that's why I saw it. And all that surfing. I saw that, and I also saw the Cheech and Chong movie that Pee Wee Herman was in as a kid.

And being like, well, a lot of this is going over my head. Back to the Beach. It all comes back to Lori Loughlin. Oh, is she? She plays the daughter. It all comes back to Lori Loughlin. Ah. Oh, is she? Yeah. She plays the daughter. Ah. And you know what?

They paid a lot of money. They photoshopped her face onto a surfer. So, like, as somebody who very peripheral, like, has been following this story, she photoshopped the results or something? It's a big like network of people who i i like different things happen some people were bribed some people like paid other people to take tests for their kids some people photoshopped um like their kids onto a you know here he's on the soccer team yeah yeah yeah oh man that's uh that's so cartoonish i love it i love it like that that is something that like uh would happen in weird science updates

like i'll just photoshop myself in all these team photos and then uh i'll get a skull yeah that's true like uh like a can't buy me love yeah in 2019 also like it's if you work in admissions in a college are you like yeah send pics of your kids send me the one where all the wrestlers are doing the flexi pose if uh zach surreptitiously made a calendar out of the girls swim team, I want to see it. The yeah. Like I, I applying to colleges.

It never occurred to me to be like, well, I, I, I do these sports. Do you need to see pictures? Yeah. Here's my head shot.

If it gets that far, like if I'm on the board, like, can you send us your cleats i mean universities are one of those things where like we always talk about how different canadian and american health care are like canadian and american universities yeah are as starkly different yeah and as like the effects on the society and the like gaping chasm of inequality are similar. Like it's totally nuts. Like what university you go to in the States is so important to your like, I mean, it's anyway, the idea that there's some like you know been a big

full house mom bust but yeah that's true in canada first of all no one cares where they went like no in america you've like people follow the sports teams after they graduate yeah yeah i'm a big clan supporter having gone to simon fraser university i don't think it's the clan anymore but they uh they were probably not they were the clansmen they well when i was a kid they were the clansmen and then people complained about the name so they were like fine it'll be clan and so then it was that clan and it's basically it's simon fraser so it's like... With a K. I'm doing one. Jews and Catholics taking over. Cut that.

I'll do it again. Either cut it or sweeten it in post. It was just so transparent. I was also trying to find the Ku Klux Klan's more harmless, like obsolete prejudices. Because really, they don't mind about Catholics anymore. But they, I guess, I guess the Ku Klux Klan's anti-Jewish stuff is not exactly benign or grown over.

I guess we could just say that in total it was more of a failed joke. But yeah, it was the Klan after Scottish. And so they had a little Scottish terrier dog for a while. Be like, the Klan. Right. But no recess. And then I think they finally had to change it.

Yeah. They're like, times have changed. Yeah. Bill and Sebastian. Bill and Sebastian. Oh, boy. Simon Fraser. That went Sebastian. Oh, boy. The Simon Fraser Proclaimers. But that is true.

Like, there's not that same type of, like, if you went to the same university as somebody, they'd just be like, I went there. Like, they wouldn't be like, come along, brother. They have a really good history program. Oh, okay. I didn't take any history courses there. Did you ever go drinking at the whatever pub? I went to the University of Victoria, which I'm assuming they used to be called the Vikings. But the official name when I was there was the Vikes.

The Vikes. Wow. And I just assume it was named by someone who calls 7-Eleven Sav. Yeah, it was part of their, like, cool rebranding of the school. You'll be the Vikes. One of the, like, this is one of those stories that would have totally gone viral if it had happened at the right time. But when we were, like, late teens, this was in, like, late 90s,

there was a movement by some students at uvic to have the um have the university renamed after juan de fuca because the idea was there's this whole kind of history of the spanish in um you know the pacific northwest that really did anyway that they had like they had done like petitions it had had gotten pretty far along until someone realized that it was an elaborate prank just so they could get sweaters that said, Juan de Fuca you. And the whole thing got shut down. Well, most not even that good a pun. No, it's not.

But lots of the great movements of our time were just mistaken. Pranks. Pranks that just went, they just got momentum all their own. Pranks gone awry. What do you think the Donald Trump thing, like, because they do basically say it was more or less a publicity stunt. Oh, to run for president like yeah that some people think he he never really intended to like because isn't that what's his face said to michael cohen or he or did he say the opposite you know what they they can worry about themselves

i can't pay that much attention to it but yeah yeah, I think it's like, I think he didn't ever think. It's like Bullworth. Yeah. Yeah. Except without. Have you tried to watch Bullworth? I mean. I listened to the soundtrack.

Maybe I've tried to watch Bullworth. He raps in it. I know that. Bullworth is, and I'm gonna like lay up down a marker the highest quality premise and opening scene to garbage movie ratio that has ever like it is such a good idea for a movie movie right a politician who takes out an assassination contract on himself and therefore knows that he's got nothing to lose and then becomes this like it's a it's such a good idea for a movie and then they have more beta going well i'm wearing a suit and i'm wearing a boot and I go to the fruit and I doot doot. Like, it is unwatchable.

But it's such a great idea. I'm trying to think now of like a good premise that just went like bonkers. Small wonder. Yeah. Robot daughter.

Yeah. Robot kid. It's such a good idea. They should do a gritty reboot. Gritty reboot where it's all the whole family's robots and they have a human kid. Oh, that's a big blunder.

Yeah, my two droids. And the theme song has to explain so much. Well, you see, we're in a world where everybody's robots. For some reason, it's Warren Beatty rapping. What's the sound of one hand clapping? What's the sound of Warren Beatty rapping? Rapping about robots? Rapping about kids?

Should we take a quick break and talk about the max fun drive yep guys it's the these laughs don't come for free um so we are we're wrapping it up this is week two of the max fun drive this show as are all the shows on Maximum Fun, are supported by your donations. We couldn't do what we do without you. This is all possible because of you, listener. And thank you to all the people who've already donated or have upgraded their donation. And as we've always said in the past, uh donations if you're you're not uh flush

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So, yes. If you would like to become a member, what you do right now, you go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. You select the level at which you would like to donate. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40. You'll give a little bit of credit card information. Like the number. Yeah, the number.

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You'll think, hey, I'm helping make this thing Yeah Do it right now while it's on your mind Maximumfun.org slash donate Now, back to the show Daveave what's going on with you um so when i if you ever do like a solitary activity like if you're gardening or uh skiing or swimming and you can't listen to headphones if i'm doing that i always have a song stuck in my head sure that i'm repeating and the other day i was playing tennis with my dad and uh i had the song we've

talked about the song a lot on the show all my exes live in texas yeah by george straight yep um and because we were talking about it a couple weeks ago i had that in my head and i had i had to admit to myself i had never heard this song before you never heard that like the actual song yeah like i've heard it as a reference yeah we mention it a lot anytime the state of texas comes out and so i thought i would uh listen listen to it so i finally know the the song itself and you had once mentioned that that's why i all my exes live in texas that's why i live in tennessee that's why i hang my hat in tennessee and so i was like okay uh and so i listened and the the first line is well rosanna's down in texarkana and in my mind i'm like oh i know this song like this is

i get it it's just you're gonna name a bunch of women who rhyme with yeah yeah yeah this is this is your generation's mambo number five yeah this is uh 50 ways to leave your lover yeah and so i have this song stuck in my head and i had only listened to 45 seconds of it and so for the whole hour i was playing tennis i was trying to come up with oh you know what's probably a line there's a lady down in dallas and her name is alice no that's pretty good that's really good but then my knowledge of geography and women's names started to break down. I was like, what rhymes with San Antonio?

Yeah, Amarillo. Oh, you know what? I bet there's like a Maybelline who lives in Abilene. Sure. A girl named Willow in Amarillo. Steve Austin down in Austin. There's a girl who comes from Boston who I knew when I was in Austin.

And so I was like, oh, he must do different, like, there's a girl who was in the Alamo who likes her pie Alamo. And so I was basically like, the whole time I was playing jazz, I was like, this must be a lie. That's such a strange triangulation between regular music and what Weird Al does.

Like you're essentially like, because you're like an archaeologist piecing together a DNA strand. Yeah, the Rosetta Stone of, like,

of a novelty song. So did you, did you go back and listen and check how, If, if there was a line that said,

there's a girl who really liked croutons who I dated back in Houston. Oh, I know. Yeah. really like croutons who I dated back in Houston. And I experimented with an Andy on the

side of the Rio Grande. There you go. Well, I went out to a Mavericks game with Patrick Duffy of Dallas fame. And there's probably a woman named Malveston somewhere. Lady Bird.

Probably. Wasn't that LBJ's wife? What does she rhyme with? Shady Turd. Down in Shady Turd, Texas. Or, you know, they'd say something like Yard. Something like that. Shady Turd. Down in Shady Turd, Texas. Or, you know, they'd say something like, you heard, something like that. She's good.

So, no, to answer your question, I didn't go back and listen to the rest of the song because I was like, this is good enough. Yeah, you invented the version that works for you. Do you have a song like that, a reoccurring, that just, like, in the dead air of well i have um that this weird so you know how synesthesia is uh graham your thoughts on synesthesia um i like uh seeing the colors of the wind yeah so where you just automatically you can't help it. I have that, but with the number of syllables in a sentence.

Right. I immediately reset it to a pop song that has that number of. So when you said tennis with my dad, I thought Benny and the Jets. So when you say tennis with my dad, and so that is probably the most kind of inescapable. One of the very frequent ones is, and I think it's going to be a long, long time. Right.

That comes up in human conversation all the time. You just have Elton John related. It's usually just, conversation all the time you just have Elton John related I feel like Elton John would do a tour called sin anesthesia but like sin si yeah but there's no interest coming up is you think homosexuality is a sin yeah I mean I guess if you take anything away from this podcast, it's a hair full of confetti. Or toupee full, anyway. Or toupee full. R.I.P.

R.I.P. Is he dead? Rip Taylor? Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is Rip torn dead? Yeah, he's a confetti complete. No, he's alive.

Oh, I thought Rip Taylor had passed. Rip Taylor is alive. He's still at it. 62 years old? Did anyone ever... No, he's 84, but he's alive. Oh, good. You know what's kind of neat is if you had a Rip, you might take it to a Taylor.

That's true. They're all related. This is really good. Rip. Torn. Rip. Tailor. That's like a good idea for a radio commercial or local TV.

Yeah, yeah. We're thinking of going national. No, no, this is more of a local campaign. Boy, if they could have gotten them both in a commercial for a tailor. Oh, man. Torn. Rip. Tailor. of a local camp boy if they could have gotten them both in a commercial for a taylor oh man torn rip taylor this is this is good i mean i was gonna say it writes itself but it's done yeah speaking of the local tv do you realize uh 10 years ago you and i had a local TV show. That's right. Yeah. And then it was canceled to make room for more Jay Leno. Yeah.

Yeah. That's the craziest part of that story is like for months we were like hanging our hats on, like, don't worry. Because when this 10 p.m. Jay Leno show comes along. When everybody moves to 10 p.m. with Jay Leno. But your show was on at 6, wasn't it? It was on at 6.30 and 11. Or was it 6 and 11.30? I think it was.

Oh, because they stopped doing news, right? But they had a broadcast responsibility to do some kind of live current events coverage. Yeah, local news coverage between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. Yeah. And so, yeah, and the big thing was when Jay Leno left the Tonight Show and then he moved to 10, right? Yeah, 10 p.m. And then there was supposed to be a section at the end of every episode

that was dedicated to the news that followed, episode that was dedicated to the news that followed, but the station sold it to some other, like a dry cleaner or something like that. Like it was... Anyways, it was a weird time.

Yeah. It was just so incredible. I mean, it was like, you know, a kid who was born when we had that show can legally buy cigarettes. Kids can buy cigarettes at 11? In some countries. That's true. No, 10, yeah, 10-year-olds.

Yeah, Balkan children born during our... And that was our primary, that's who was watching. A lot of people were, a lot of Balkan children were conceived. Yes. During the Great Balkan Blackout. Isn't that interesting? What if somebody conceived while we were cracking wise on mute? Oh, sure.

Definitely a possibility. Are there any Graham Charlie babies running around out there? We've made, most definitely definitely 11 years of this show. Yeah. Uh, 750 some odd hours of it. Yeah.

And, I guarantee there are no Stop Podcasting Yourself babies. No bumper bumps. Yeah. Yeah. And Woodstock was just one weekend and how many Woodstock babies were there?

No one was like listening to our show. And horned up. Maybe they were listening to our show. I'm trying to think of a circumstance where they walked into a room while listening to the show. And their partner was in sexy lingerie. Already naked. Yeah.

It would have to be, oh oh i just couldn't get to like technically the ipod was playing but it wasn't in my ears anymore well have i i must have told this story on the show before but like the first time i ever did a bit for like my parents and i was six or seven and they talked about somebody in their life who had gotten pregnant by accident and i knew about sex but i didn't know that sex was something that people had for pleasure. And then I just thought like, oh, if you want it, you have it. And the baby. And yeah, and the baby comes out.

So they're like, oh, so-and-so got pregnant and it was an accident. And I was like, how did they accidentally get pregnant? Was it his turn to sleep in the nude, but she didn't see the note and he rolled over on her in the bed like i was doing the whole like like how would they accidentally have sex my parents thought it was hysterical i love that that is so good yeah there's so many levels of not understanding how things work. I think couples pick a night to be naked. You're naked tonight. I guess I'll put on full pajamas. I think that if there was a seven-year-old comedian who had a little bit of information and a whole lot of shtick.

Yeah, just stop. shtick yeah just stop but it's but then also you realize how much comedy is that yeah of just pure ignorance yes masquerading as like every man common sense like can we just stop it with all these different species like it's like well no actually that's really important information like why can't we build the whole plane out of the black box? Well, because it wouldn't lift off the ground. It's a very durable heart. Yeah. But I just, I always remember that.

It was like my first riff. Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. And it's the type of joke that also would have killed on the playground. Like, all the kids would have been like would have killed on the playground like all the kids would have been like he's saying what we're all trying to think about i think it would work now as a like as just a like if you if you're as if your whole thing as a comedian was i'm dumb yeah more like the kid comedian like so it's a grown man who dresses and really kind of creepy,

like, you know, matching shirt and shorts kind of deal. No sailor suit. Yeah, just does like kid riffs on what appears to be inexplicable grownup behavior. Oh boy. It was a good bit then. It a good bit yeah uh graham what's going on

with you um i was uh i was recently on a plane and uh i picked a movie at random and here's something that i that i uh realized that i put it on shuffle mode i put it on shuffle mode. I put it on shuffle mode. And this, this, well, the woman in front of me was watching a movie and I was more interesting than the movie I was watching because I was like, Oh, it looks like there's kind of a sexy, something sexy is going on in that movie.

So then I scrolled through looking for, looking for the poster that might be that movie that they were watching. It was a movie about a guy who it was his turn to sleep naked. But his wife also thought it was her turn. Yeah. And he just rolled over. Like just the rocket hard erection that this man sleeps through the night with. And the fact that her vagina is just right on the front.

Yeah. night with and the fact that her vagina is just right on the front yeah so that was the movie that i wanted to see but i uh i've noticed that i have the ability without without knowing what the movie uh like where it was shot or anything like that to know that it is a Canadian film just by something. Yeah. Like and there's just I don't know what it is. Yeah. Like it's there was no tell. Unfortunately it's not a good thing. This movie was this movie was good. Right. Okay. But but the

whole time I was like something's weird something's weird. Something's not right about this. Something's not right. And then at one point uh she sells something at a pawn shop and she has canadian like canadian hundreds and i was like ah but it wasn't like a huge sigh of relief like i was like why is this what is bothering me about this otherwise enjoyable film it's weird when they they could uh they could substitute in american money. Yeah.

But you'd know. I would know. I do feel that way when you're, because when you watch something and you're like, they shot this in Toronto and they just put it like a USA Today box outside. You're not fooling anyone. But I feel like. Or remember the Space Needle in 5050? The Jordan, no, Gordon Levinson. Seth Rogen. What's his name? Remember the Space Needle in 5050?

The Jordan, no, Gordon Levinson. Seth Rogen. What's his name? Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen. And it was supposed to be Seattle, but there's like one scene where it's like Hastings and Camby, the Dominion building. Like it's iconic Vancouver shots with just like superimposed space needle. But like,

I don't know why, like, cause sometimes something will be shot in Canada. I won't necessarily know, but if it's a Canadian movie, right. Somehow I'll still sniff it out. Cause Paul gross shows up.

Yeah. They talk about curling for 10 minutes and you're like, I don't know. It could be Scottish, but there's no Scottish accent. But you guys both have that same thing? Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Either Toronto or Vancouver.

Yeah. I don't really. I mean, if something was shot in calgary or something it's probably famously canadian you're talking about locations and you're talking about canadian production values yeah well yeah but also the location like yeah oh okay okay but this wasn't toronto this was like a small uh college town that it took place in so supposed to be like any town anyway i do feel like that or like co-productions where you're like if this is on canadian tv but i've never seen an american ad for it like there were like rookie blue yeah it was apparently on american tv but yeah but you

just knew somehow you're like and i'm sure sue thomas fbi was on american tv as well that was that was just that was a good that was a good old canadian show you knew that that was but like if it's the fbi she has it has to be have they can't just shoot a canadian show and oh yeah oh like they were like that show pure. It was the Mennonites. Oh, yeah. And then like Rosie Perez was on it. And you're like, how? But then I think they also got an American to play the Canadian cop.

But then one of the kids from, kids, one of the grown men from Trailer Park Boys was also like a cop on it. And then you're like, that kind of signal something you're like well would he be in an american yeah show but they're trying to do this like you know it's it's kind of international you know because like mennonites are running drugs from mexico through the united states to canada yeah so it's got all those elements. So think about it. There was that show a couple of years ago, or maybe it was like a summer series that kept going with Jennifer Lopez and Ray Liotta. Oh, yeah.

And it was called? Shades of Blue. Yes, thank you. I was going to blow my brain up if I couldn't think of it. And it was like I would watch it and I'd be like, why are these two people in a Canadian TV show? Right. They might as well be at a Great Big Sea concert. Low Winter Sun had that look to it, too.

What was Low Winter Sun? It was AMC. AMC, it was like... Was it Mark Strong? Again, another great premise where a cop, but this was never part of the advertisements. They're never like, this is what's going on. Right.

It was just a gritty, one of those squinty shows where nobody ever smiles. So, you know, it's good. And, uh, but the premise was that I think, uh, the, uh, cop was put in charge of investigating a murder that he had done. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. One day he's going to get caught.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But as long as I get the collar, kid. That was weird. It was like AMC. They did Mad Men. They did Breaking Bad.

And it was like just two in a row. And everyone was like, well, can they do anything wrong? Yeah. And then boom, hell on wheels. Low Winter Sun. And what was the one that was like? Troll Delete or something like that? No, that I think did okay.

That was another one where like season two, it's like a totally different show. Oh, is it really? It's like, like yeah we kind of reinvented the premise but yeah amc it was almost like it was run by two brothers and like they just both got to put out as you know the same number of shows because you would just like some of these shows were just amazing and then you'd see like cause you'd be watching Breaking Bad and you'd see the ad for like, ice cream loco. The comic book store owners.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You love hearing from Kevin Smith, right? Well, not particularly.

What if Kevin Smith is talking to a group of men with no charisma. I mean, the other thing about those, any show like that where the premise is come in and like a pawn shop or come into the comic book shop, we'll find it every single day. It always goes the same way. Yeah.

Because it's like, hey, I get this. I found it in my grandpa's basement is it worth anything and it maybe it's a civil war coin if it's a pawn thing or it's like you know superman number 401 if it's the comic book show and they go hey i found this so i'm looking to get rid of this so well how much would you give me for so i don't know what that's worth we got to bring in a third character who's gonna kind of be sort of an expert. Then the other guy goes, I've seen these before.

Is this the man of three similar voices? He goes, I don't know. It's probably worth in a situation like this. And then it's either a lower number than you think or a higher number than you think. But it comes up after the commercial. So then he goes, yeah, I was probably worried about $300.

And I go, oh, wow, thanks. Yeah. And then he goes, well, so what will you give me for it? And then it always just comes back to this little miniature market of what it will bear. Like, we went to the trouble of bringing in another guy to tell us what the fair market value is. But then it's like, I can't go over $50. I'm not going to go over that. So it's like, it's totally pointless.

Storage Wars doesn't have that last step. It's just, whatever someone's whatever price anyone says, that gets added to the value of the storage locker. These are probably $50 each. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And like uh on the

american one they'll go to just an expert and then on the canadian storage wars there was a guy there's a canadian storage yeah i just i watch it in a hotel room storage peacekeeping and it was uh he found some uh figure skates so he went and talked to figure skater Elizabeth Manley. And I was like, well, why would this guy know Elizabeth Manley? And why would she take time out of her schedule to tell him how much skates are worth? Also, the implications of it, she's been hawking her old skates. Like, he goes to Sarah, she's all shaky. She's like, oh, yeah, yeah,

you'll get 80 bucks for those for sure. She tries to steal the skates. Oh, boy. But she can't get away because the river she's skating on isn't frozen enough.

She drowns. Should we take a break and talk about Max Fundry? Yes, please. Yay! Max Fundry. That's what it is, guys. Now, thanks, by the way, again, everyone who already donates. Now, thanks, by the way, again, everyone who already donates.

If you already donate, you've probably received an email saying you can check out this year's bonus content. Oh, boy. And what a bonus this year. This year, Graham and I, due to no popular demand, decided we would watch and review the movie Dead Presidents. Oh, wow. Boy, did we. Watch and review the movie Dead Presidents. Oh, wow. I did. So if you were ever in the market for, what was it, a 45-minute long review?

No, it's an hour. An hour review of a two-hour movie. We watched it so you don't have to. That's true. We save you a whole hour. You're welcome. And speaking of thank yous, thank you, people out there, for donating. We just...

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These are all great places for a bulletin board Yeah, exactly I don't get to get out much. These are all Dave's collectibles. They're mostly pushpins. Yeah, they're pushpins. At the $20 monthly membership, you get all of those things, plus a beautiful 550-piece Maximum Fun Puzzle.

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It might be a good idea to do like extreme puzzles at the bottom of pools because then you've got the added thing of. That sounds like an amazing race challenge. Yeah. Yeah. But you're not a producer on Amazing Race, right? Well, I think if this episode has proven anything, it's that I've got great ideas. Gritty Gilligan's Island reboot.

Underwater Puzzle Show. You can just call it Grittygan's Island. This thing rebrands itself. I do like that. They did Amazing Race Canada, but it had low production values. Everybody just went to Thunder Bay. I do like they did a amazing race Canada but it had low production values everybody just went

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Old Dutch? Yeah. Nice. So what we are saying is now is the time to do it. It is. We love making the show. We love that you love the show. This entire show is possible because of you.

And if you would like to support it, if you'd like to up your donation we would be so happy go to maximumfun.org donate should we move on to some overheards yeah all right overheard overheards a segment in which we hear things out there in the world worldwide Overheard. Overheard. A segment in which we hear things out there in the world, worldwide world, and then we share it right here in this intimate studio space. And we always like to start with the guest. Charlie, would you please?

I would. This is, I mean, this is kind of an overheard, kind of a kids say the darndest things. But it starts off quite tragically. We were. But it ends quite hip. Yeah. So we're in New Orleans. Short story.

Long story short, things are going down. So we're on Galliano Island, my family and I. Well, sweet old Jessie Spano.ano well she lives in galliano and i had to take the ferry if i wanted to see terry um so we uh we were on Galeano it's nighttime. It's raining. It's a windy road. And I, I hit a raccoon. I like, I saw a raccoon. It looked up. It was so, yeah.

Uh, and I've never, that's never happened to me before. And you hear this sound and it's just awful. And everyone in the car is sitting there like so Cara and Josephine are in the back Josephine's five years old you know she's still in a booster she's still like there's this sick nauseous sadness

in the car and then Josephine goes uh hope I don't remember this for my whole life mom and dad you've been a great crowd Hope I don't remember this my whole life. Mom and dad, you've been a great crowd. Hopefully. Oh, boy.

That's really great. Yeah, it was like, you know, it was like somebody's like writing her like a Cyrano de Bergerac, like, yeah, say this. This will make your dad. Because I was telling that story to Ross Dock and he was like, like, how does she not only know that, like, did these things become memories, but that not all of them will stay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just such a bizarre thing for a kid to say. But she really went on about it. And then she's like, yeah, I hope I don't know it tomorrow. Like, really?

So then you have this added thing of like, are we high? Is that why I hit the raccoon? I wonder if that's a thing. Because I'm always saying to my kids, or at least the four-year-old, I don't share their names with the listeners. Oh, sorry. No, it's fine. I'll ask her, do you remember this thing from two years ago?

And she'll usually say no. Yeah. But she must be on to the fact that oh i don't remember a lot yeah or or do i and i'm just waiting for a lawyer to show up i'm being asked a lot i forgot yeah yeah who broke this window a lot of windows get broken in this neighborhood i can't remember everything that happens spot on on kid. Yeah. Do you really not say their names? No, I do.

Oh, okay. But sometimes we have guests who aren't as familiar with me, so I don't bother. Sure, sure. Yeah, no, but Josephine has always had this crazy memory where we took her to the Deutscheshaus. Like, oh, I remember coming out of that thing seeing your wife naked yeah yeah yeah just saying to me like what are you making such a big deal out of this thing for um so we went to uh this the german restaurant deutsches house uh victoria it's not a german restaurant i think it's italian uh, we went there when she was like six years old, six months old. And we went back like, and we were there with our friend, um, Tedge.

And she goes, uh, like we go back like close to a year later, maybe it wasn't a year, but it was like six months. And she looks around the restaurant. She's a babe in arm still. She goes, Ted, she, like, she remembered that we had gone to this restaurant like one time with this

guy. Like, so I don't know. You have all those pictures around the house of the time. Yeah. It was a big night. It was October 5th. I know Tej listens and Tej donate.

Yeah. For every time you're mentioned in an anecdote on, on the, yeah i mean there should be a donor level that you get mentioned in an anecdote oh yeah yeah and i think an overheard would be uh i mean this is the post overheard anecdote this is really the afterbirth yeah of the wreck but that's where all the nutrients are yeah yeah uh dave do you have an overheard sort of yeah this was said to me um a couple weeks ago it was a tuesday i mean we i know we have those every week yeah but this was a tuesday a couple weeks ago and uh i uh my daughter who's four

suggested we have pizza for dinner and she never wants anything she never wants any food ever it's always i just she never is excited about food right and so the fact that she wanted pizza i was like i'm going to get pizza and i went to the restaurant it was a tuesday and the guy gave me my pizzas i mean i ordered i'm not paying a delivery man yeah i mean you tip your delivery date don't tip your podcast you're just crazy uh uh so i went and i picked up the pizzas and it was a tuesday he said uh have a good rest of your week and then he just gave a funny look and went no no that's not right like he was he was giving you too much goodwill yeah like have a good rest of your week oh i didn't realize i mean rest of your night would have been fine yeah rest of your week

i mean i guess uh and no i mean that's fine happy new year i mean uh happy good rest of your week not including the weekend yeah uh anyways thanks for uh shopping here shopping here god damn it i love you dad i don't know it's funny because uh you can keep going up with well wishes yeah right up to life and life is the only one where it starts to sound mean and have a nice life but if you said to somebody have a nice year wow that's intense have a nice decade

that's a little odd have a nice life screw you have a nice decade is pretty weird I always tell my hairdresser have a nice six weeks um I always tell my hairdresser, have a nice six weeks. Do you have an overheart? I do, but I wrote it down. So, you know, just funfaring around here.

We'll vamp for you. Yes, thank you very much. Charlie? Any celebrities you'd like to hear endorsing donations to the podcast? I hear Stewie. Okay. What the deuce? Give a dollar or two.

Okay. Not bad. Up the money, though. Yeah, yeah. I didn't really hear Stewie. yeah yeah um i didn't really hear you doing that was i realized i was halfway into an inside joke as i was speaking into the microphone um there was a gentleman on the train talk he was talking loud probably too loud about a very specific business thing that had gone on and i i literally moved closer to him because I need, I was like,

well, this guy's, this guy's paying dividends. And, uh, he was talking about a client who didn't give their kind of, uh, give their business the respect that it deserves.

And we, he thinks we're just going to eat shit like that and all this kind of stuff. He was saying, and I was like, I was like, this guy like, this guy's using all sorts of buzzwords. Tongue in cheek. But my favorite was just before he hung up the phone, he said, well, if they're going to chirp at us like that, then we're gone. I was like, chirp at us? Ooh, that's, ugh.

Yeah. That's like, right? That's pre-fight. Chirps really become quite a pre-fight word. It's become a big thing in hockey about players trash-talking each other. Chirp. Chirp. Yeah, I don't think I'd ever heard somebody say it.

I've seen it online. I've read it in books. Chirp. Yeah, Huck Finn and whatnot. Heard it from trees. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Huck Finn and whatnot. He brought it from trees.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I never heard somebody actually say they're going to chirp at us like that. Yeah, there's a few hockey terms that... He was a chirper. That was his business. He's going to chirp at us? If he's going to chirp at us, we're not chirping at us. There's a few hockey slang words that have come into

popularity over the last couple years one is chirp yeah another one is calling a celebration a celly oh a celly's good hate it oh that's awful and the worst is when people refer to the the the hockey game the video game nhl as chel uh i like sally yeah and i mean sorry if this makes me old-fashioned but where i come from chel is none other than chris chelios of the uh he was the chicago blackhawks there's a couple things yeah sure yeah yeah but you got it i'm glad we got something out of that. Ah, yes. This is, you know what? You don't have to pay for that bit of content.

That's free. That's on the house. Yeah. With my compliment. Now, we also have overheard sent in from people all over the map. If you want to send one into us, you can send it into spy at maximum fun.org. And, uh, I thought I sent myself this email, but I didn't. So I'm flying blind.

Oh yeah. I didn't get it. Um, I, I, I imagine I know exactly what's sitting on my laptop. Uh, all right. Can you get to your draft? No. Give me your phone. Do you want me to get your phone?

No, no. It's fine. I'll make it work. I can hack into your email. Is there a backdoor? Is there a back end to this program? This first one comes from Toby from London. Hello?

Hello? Overseen. Brexit. Most important meal of the day. That's my Adele. Great Adele. Rolling in the deep. Jesus Christ.

Thanks anyway. This is overseen at King's Cross Station in London. There's a 2.5 meter tall brass statue, not feet like in America, of Sir Nigel Gressley, the chief mechanical engineer of the Great Northern Railway and the designer of the Flying Scotsman. There was a small child holding onto the statue's hand

and asking it, who likes trains? You like trains. small child holding onto the statue's hand and asking it who likes trains? You like trains. That's pretty good. Yeah. I mean, I do like,

I am confused by the British using metric. I feel like they, everything's, you know, uh, uh, imperial, a Tiffin's and, uh,

yeah. Tiffin's a tough one. Yeah, 16 stone by Bush. Stone was like, what is stone? Do you know? I tried to write a joke about stone. Like, just that it. It's like 12 or 14 pounds or something.

But you just like, you always have to fake, like, you're watching like a British celebrity show. It's like, Ricky Gervais seen in his games 11 stone. Yeah. And you're like, oh, wow. Or kind of, oh, okay. Yeah. Like, I have no clue.

They'll talk about, like, oh, kids today ain't leaving school and they why i ate stone and you're like i don't know what that and you're like that doesn't sound like a lot no it's stones stones being what they are yeah exactly anyway the bit never worked on stage for much the same reason it didn't work here. It feels like it ought to die out. It's 14 pounds. 14 pounds. But again, do they mean 14 pounds sterling? Is that why they came up with stone?

Because they were already saying pounds? Right. That makes sense. But why stone? It's probably some sort of wizard thing. Why is a stone that weighs about 14 pounds? If you haven't got a penny then god bless you if you're having girl problems i feel bad for you son i got 14 stone problem

that's 99 in england oh boy uh this next one comes from dave uh-huh i'm dave yeah parts unknown but this is uh no i'm a penis oh this is uh i heard something fun while on vacation last week sitting by the hotel pool when i heard a young boy uh with a classy english accent say the following. Father, would it be proper grammar to say I floated someplace? Father, father, would it be proper grammar to say I floated someplace? Then the boy leaped into the pool and whilst doing so shouted, tally ho. Oh, boy. It's a real kind of cool Britannia vibe to the overheard.

Yeah. You know what? On the phone calls, there's a Brit in there, too. Oh, really? Can't wait. Celebrating the end of hard Brexit. Oh, no, the beginning of hard Brexit. I don't know.

There'll have been eight different votes between now and when the thing goes up. Yeah. Either everything's fine or... It's the face you do when you do the accent. I watch the news and they always say Elizabeth May. I'm like, will she or won't she? Thank you. But you just did what I always do, which is to say Elizabeth May instead of Theresa May.

Who's Elizabeth May? She's the leader of the Greenberg. She's the leader of the Greenberg. Okay. Let me take this again. Which one's the... I'm sorry. I meant Elizabeth Manley.

If you need to know how much your skates are worth, she's the foremost expert. Well, before Brexit, these skates wouldn't have been worth much. I literally was going to say, should I ask them what the prime minister's name is? Just so I get this right. No, I've heard of Elizabeth May. Brian May. Yeah. British Prime Minister Brian May thinks not the prime minister.

He's the queen. There we go. Bing, bang, boom. This last one comes from Sam in Toronto. I'm at a pizza place sitting next to two people who are talking to each other in Spanish. A guy walks by them and says, are you guys Italian? And they say, no, we're Colombian. The guy says, oh, well, you're eating pizza, so.

I'm just putting together visual cues if you were drinking coffee I would think you were going in well excuse me you're only eating pizza mama mia I'm sorry that highly specialized ethnic dish uh you're gonna want to try this one out this one's a little kind of a

new one for the palate it's melted cheese i do think you should only be able to eat your ethnicity's food that's just the way that's that's why i uh got 23 and me to find out hopefully find that there's some tie yeah please some tie to the tie i've been on an only poutine and pancakes diet there's's just no good Ukrainian food in my neighborhood, and I took this hard-line stance on food ethnicity. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, the phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one.

Ugh. Spy pod one. Like these people have. Hi, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is Eden from Vancouver, and I'm calling in with an overseen. The other day I had to go to the U.S. consulate because I'm American and I live here. Sorry.

And I had to go into a waiting room that was only for U.S. citizens, which was also really weird. So I was sitting in there with a bunch of really awkward people trying not to look at each other because you're not allowed to have like phones or purses or anything in there. So we're all looking at like whatever's on the wall and they're blasting news. And there's all these like there's like a big picture of Trump and a big picture of

Pence. And it's really weird. But the coolest thing, the weirdest thing in this room was a giant poster from 9-11, like children at Collingwood Elementary School had made, like to give to the U.S. consulate as like a present to say sorry about 9-11. And there was all these little messages on it like we are praying for everyone in the world um we are sorry about it and then in a little in the corner it said please don't start a war which was really weird wow wow little little nostradamus there yeah little julian assange of collingwood Elementary. Mini-leaks. Cute kid versions of WikiLeaks.

Pretty good. Well, no purses. You'd think that Ruth Buzzy would have ruled against that. Man, I thought you guys were going to see that coming 800 miles away. It's just far enough back that I was like, he's going somewhere, but I'm not'm not sure where your class ever have to write letters to someone in the news yeah but our biggest disaster was the challenger spacecraft we had to write something to the like maybe somebody who won a medal at the 88 olympics we had to write to ben johnson after he was found like what doing steroids and he lost his medal and like i i everyone said mine mine was mean what was yours i drew a picture of him being chased by a dog

and it was like he won uh the gold medal fastest man alive but only because he was aided by the fact that a dog was after him in my mind i'm like steroids is a like a dog motivating you is the same as an unfair advantage i didn't really track yeah but what kind of crazy assignment is that like a bag is that's like the how people got their like pre-twitter shame jollies i guess so but also like my cancel bojo we were we were in grade three and i remember someone asked like do you have his address and the teacher we'll make sure it gets to him the teacher had some pat answer of like

oh yeah there's a place for some of these things whatever you do do not look in the dumpster behind the school zip code

ho ho ho the teacher's getting high with her friends and reading his letters to Ben Johnson. Here's your next phone call.

This one's signed Carl Lewis. Hi, Dave and Graham. It's Pete from South Dakota. I'm standing in my kitchen looking at a bottle of Louisiana hot sauce. There's a recipe on it that I thought was pretty interesting.

The recipe is for fiery ranch dipping sauce. The ingredients are one cup prepared ranch dressing, one and a half tablespoons of Louisiana brand hot sauce. The directions are in a bowl, combine

all ingredients and mix well. Talk to you later. It couldn't be easier. I used to love that as a kid reading the recipes for things and they would always specify what the brand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Use one entire pack of Chip-Its. Chocolate chips. The caller called back right after. Hey guys, it's Pete again. You can file that one under

over read. Love the show. Okay, cool. We'll move it into the other file. We had it in overheard, but you're right. So conscientious yeah all right here's your final over

heard hi Dave Graham I'm possible guest this is Will I'm calling from Liverpool in the UK I've got an

overheard for you which happened last night my wife and the kids and I went to Pizza Hut and the kids and I went to Pizza Hut and the very nice waitress was talking us through the menu and she said here's the menu it's a new one if you haven't been for a while you got your

starters here your drinks here and if you look in this bit here we've got some some new what's the word again? Oh yeah, some new pizzas. Anyway, off I go. It's escaping me. New Hudson. New Hudson, right? What will be the status in a no-deal Brexit situation of phoning in an over-earned? Sorry, an over-earned.

Well, in my ethnicity-only diet, they won't be allowed pizza. I know that. Also, it'll be celery hut. Pizza hut with a waitress. I know. They won this Brexit thing.

They still have to sit down at pizza hut. Aren't there pizza hut with waitresses? No. I mean, I haven't. So what, it's just a delivery service now? Or pickup. Yeah, or pickup. It's all Wing Street.

Oh, get out of town. Because when I was a kid, I used to love, because the great thing about Pizza Hut was you knew, you got a little warning shot of when the food was coming because they'd bring the small plates. Yeah. And then you'd know we're moments we're in business i thought you were gonna say because you knew everyone there because they were all on your baseball team and you get a jug of orange soda a jug of root beer and a jug of coke and that brown plastic brownish brown everything yeah brown everything at pizza hut all

brown everything oh man this guy you want to talk pizza hut material when we started doing stand-up you never met anybody who had so much pizza hut stuff it's true and i've never gotten a never took a dime high quality no i know it was high quality Pizza Hut stuff make a plane with your for your brother and throw it no like a plane plane with the crust

and throw it over at your brother the origami pizza Domino's is a pretty good deep dish these days oh do they? I recommend it like a

deep dish like a like a Pizza Hut-esque. Oh, okay. Not deep dish. Sorry, pan. Pan pizza.

Oh, pan. Yeah, yeah. So that's what distinguished Pizza Hut, right? The pan pizza, yeah. Deep. But it wasn't deep. It was just pan. I mean, a deep dish.

Have you had a deep dish pizza? No. It's a casserole. Yeah. I mean, I've had lasagna. Yeah. It's basically, yeah. It's like a cake. Right. It's pizza casserole. Yeah. I mean, I had lasagna. Yeah. It's basically, yeah, it's like a cake. It's pizza pie, pizza cake.

And yeah, it's huge. Yeah. I don't, can you even get it anywhere in Vancouver? I mean, I don't know if they do it outside of Chicago. It's kind of more of a Midwest thing. Come by, have a deep dish pizza, get knifed, and get out of here. Should I go back and make that up?

Don't take it from me. Take it from Mike Ditka. Yeah, come get your deep dish pizza, throw in a couple bucks for your favorite podcast. Bye, Mike Ditko. So long everybody.

That was me. Oh Ditko we hardly knew you. Oh he was hit by a train. Oh no. He won't be coming back. Charlie. Poochie was killed on his way back to his home planet.

I went and saw Puccini at the opera and it really does it's hard not to think of Poochie when you're watching Puccini or like a magician for dogs. Puccini.

The great Puccini. Is Puccini. Puccini. The great Puccini. The great Puccini. Is Puccini a composer? La. Bohem. Bohem. Yeah. Which won the Oscar this year.

It did? For La Bohemian Rhapsody. There we go. I knew we'd get there. I was like, that didn't win the Oscar. Didn't it? What won the Oscar? Green Book. Oh, Green Book, the one about Queen.

The one about British Prime Minister Brian May. Guys, we have thrown away our lives making this show. We don't know who the Prime Minister of England is. So we need your donations to support us because we can't do anything else. Thank you to all those that do support us. And if you're thinking of becoming a supporter, it's as easy as going over to MaximumFun.org slash donate.

Yeah. We love making the show. You love listening. I said that before. I mean it. I'm never going to say it again for 50 weeks. Yeah. And if you don't believe Dave.

Mike Ditka came back from the grave. Zombie Ditka. If you don't believe, then maybe you'll believe a simple country lawyer. I thought it was going to be Sylvester Stallone. Or maybe you'll believe. Oh, Adrian. I'm going to need some turtle food for these turtles. But I really want to go out on a good one.

The problem is I don't really do any impressions. But I think I'm really flying without an edge here. Yeah. Just like Frankie at the back of the beach. Yeah. Okay. Well, we'll go with yours. I heard zombie dead.

Okay. Brains. Brains. Okay, guys. The brains. The brains. Thanks for bear-son with me. the brains the brains oh thanks for da bear-son

with me through that little bit of nearly aborted comedy Charlie what would you like to plug

before we wrap up this here episode um I mean it still would be great if people would buy the book

Property Values it's been out for you know there's close to a year but it It's been out for, you know, there's close to a year, but it's only been out in the United States for about half that time. Um, it's very fun. It's great.

Thank you very much. I bought it. It's a, that's really all I need. Uh, this is, I mean, this is good.

This is great. They can't see that I was pointing. I don't know why I made such an effort to just articulate. So, yeah, it would still be really great for people to buy property values. And if you want, just run beat bugs on the screen in the other room. If you're not watching Netflix, put Netflix on and run beat bugs. Charlie gets paid $8 every time someone watches an episode.

Per stream. Because that's what I signed. It's kind of my version of George Lucas going, okay, I'll go for but I'll keep the toys. Yes. I went for streaming. Yeah, $8 a stream.

It's the best deal anyone on Netflix has. Wow. Good work. Yep. Me and... Sandler. Me, Sandler, and Jane Fonda. Oh, the three bigs.

The three bigs. My Mount Rushmore of Netflix. Yeah. No room for a fourth. Yeah, the fourth is just the are you still watching this mountain and thank you to all of our listeners

yeah maximumfun.org slash donate babies and yeah if you like the show tell your friends to come on back next week

for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artists don't. Audience supported.