Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 580 - Bita Joudaki

Episode Date: April 29, 2019

Comedian and filmmaker Bita Joudaki returns to talk memes, Gotti, and church fundraisers.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 580 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always, uh oh, I tripped over that word there. With me as a Wayans brother. As a Wayans brother. One of the most popular Wayans brothers, Dave Shumka.

Dave Shumka Wayans. Well, hope you don't play that. Is that you? Is that what you do? Yeah, hope you don't play that. Is that you? Is that what you do? Yeah, hope you don't play that. That's me. And I also want to say white chicks. Go, white chicks, go. I got a mustache hair growing into my mouth.

That must be your every day. Yeah, you got to trim it. You got to get some scissors. You got to trim up that mustache. I know. That's the thing. But yours doesn't look trimmed. No to trim up that mustache. I know. That's the thing. But yours doesn't look trimmed. No, but I trim it around the mouth.

That's the way. And every way else, it's allowed to do whatever it wants. As long as it doesn't get in my mouth, it's allowed to do whatever it wants. Our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, hasn't been on seven years. Comedian and now uh studying film film in toronto it's be the judokai yes hello hi how's it going good how are you oh you really come out of your shell yeah yes very direct how are you i'm good good. And also you? I am fine. Thank you. Fan favorite Peter Drew deck.

Yeah. I don't think we've ever gotten more requests. That's true. That's wild. A lot of people request. Mostly creepy guys. Yeah. Oh no.

Creepy guys who, yeah, their profile is them holding a newspaper over their face, but two holes are cut out so they can see you. Just my type. Wearing those V for V vendetta masks but underneath but behind the newspaper you can tell though uh should we get to know yeah get to know us yes hello how's it going how going? Wait a minute. How's it going with you? So, like, we're really short on time. What have you been up to for the last seven years?

All right. So, last fall. No, I don't know. Yeah, go season by season. What have I been up to? I don't even remember what happened in my life last time i was here well you moved you weren't i moved yeah you moved but that's recently two years ago yeah okay but you've i've moved a lot how many times have you between toronto and vancouver in your life i don't know

is it maybe four okay leave me alone four back and forth for return trips or just for one ways i don't know i think actually maybe just three three more than the usual person because there was one time the only time i remember the time you lived on degrassi street yes yeah that was the second time so this time is third time yes Yes. Which is the charm. And I've stayed. Yeah, yeah. This is, and you like it now. It's fine.

Okay. So you're still not sold on it. She's the exception to, you've heard of YOLO. I mean, I've heard of it. You only live once. Yeah. Have you heard of Yolito? No.

You only live in Toronto once. She's the exception to that. I've never heard that one is that a thing? obviously you haven't heard that one but is it you went there for school? yeah

I just well I'm doing my MFA in film production are you doing your MFA AF? AF AF yeah yeah yeah yeah

I'm the only one I will have that on my degree cool everyone is really upset you pay the extra $50 yeah yeah you got Lori Loughlin on your side oh yes yeah I do she's cool did she plead guilty I know Felicity Huffman you know what she did she thought that the da were bluffing with like a thing uh what is it someone tell me what these lawyer terms are subpoena with like an offer with like an offer a plea deal and she said no and then they added on more charges oh becky just because have mercy you may be guessed it on a some law procedural doesn't that mean that you know how to negotiate it's wild well yeah and now they've both pleaded guilty just if you want to know that yeah yeah i totally did and by the way for the listener uh we're

talking about news from oh uh 18 days ago it'll still be in the yeah you know because uh we get our guests when they're in town it doesn't matter if it's weeks before the episode comes out

um so uh how much longer do you have before you have your well I'm done my classes I just finished a few weeks ago

did you throw your books up in the air I did yes nice did you give your teachers the finger? Yes, all of them. Cool.

But I don't, I'm defending, I'm planning to defend in the fall. So I'm not officially done. Now when someone defends their, it's a thesis? Yeah. I don't know. I never read it. No, no, I said yeah, weirdly. Okay. Here is the beta't know. I never read it. No, no. I said Yao weirdly. Okay.

Here is the B that I know. Doubting every decision she's ever made. Doubting every word she's ever said. It's true. That never went away, folks. Listen up, folks. I think I said one word in a weird way. As though that were a possibility

defend you'll do great defending a thesis I think I made a weird thesis what does that mean? are people attacking your thesis? yeah they attack from behind

it's just when you're on your way home and then they come at you. Kick you in the thesis. It's like a board of people? Yeah, it'll be like my supervisor and my reader and then one other person in the department. You don't get anybody in your corner?

No. No corner person? Somebody with a spit bucket? No. You don't get Lori Loughlin's lawyer? Yes, I'll try. You know her? anybody in your corner no no corner person somebody with a spit bucket no good uh laurie laflin's lawyer yes i'll try you know her um oh that's very feminism thank you feminism don't take that plea deal it's fake i'm a bad lawyer um uh what is your thesis are you allowed to say i can say yeah it's a film it's a short film it's a hybrid documentary okay so i already talked about this sorry to ruin the imagine oh off off the air that's fine okay yeah so it's um it's a hybrid so that i wasn't listening then. I'm not listening now. Perfect. I love being here. Yeah, so parts of it are scripted.

Like I hired actors for some parts of it, and then other parts are pure documentary. What do you like better, documentary or dealing with actors? I mostly have made narrative films, so I'm more comfortable with that. Okay. But I do like personal documentaries like about her docs about her docs do you know what that is no i don't know what's a good personal documentary um have you seen stories we tell at the sarah polly one yeah i have not you should okay it's on nfb.com.ca. Is it heavy? Is it something I've got to take a night out and really digest it?

Maybe. I watched a Sarah Pauly film yesterday just by happenstance. Was it Men With Brooms? It was Take This Waltz. Oh, I hated it. Did you like it? I liked it, but it was very sad. Yeah, I shouldn't have said hated.

I just didn't like it. Oh, boy. You're going to be a... Sarah Pau polly big fan i just find michelle williams to be a little annoying is that better for me to say i should did she listen to it yeah yeah she uh listened to it every day to get pumped up to play marilyn monroe yeah yeah that's right because uh. Because Marilyn Monroe is a huge podcast fan. She's a huge podcast fan.

She's like, rate and review. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I mean, it really helps us in the iTunes rankings if you do that.

Yeah. And if you say that it's Marilyn Monroe, all the better, you know. I'm Marilyn Monroe. And I really like this podcast because they talk about Sarah Pauly movies.

It makes sense. But like a documentary that's about the person's life. About the person's life, yeah. That would be hard. That's hard to do. They are very hard, yeah. I wouldn't, uh, I watched one a couple days ago. It was about, uh, what was it called?

Big Country Reeves. Oh, yeah. Finding Big Country. That was kind of like a personal one. It was half personal and half about a basketball player. Yeah. Well, even that part is personal. Yeah.

Because he's a person. That's true. He was a person. He is a person. Still alive. As far as I know. But by the time this comes out, who knows? Yeah, he might be Bigfoot.

Yes. And how's that going? Like, did you make the film already? I made most of it. I'm shooting a bit more on Saturday. Here? Here, with my mother. Right.

And how's that? How's working with your mom? It's great. How'd you meet your mother? I don't know. I met her at a grocery store. Weird. Just joking. Okay, you're off the hook. Anyway, what else? What are you doing with your mother i don't oh i don't want to talk about it she but she's part of the film and so you're working with

your mom yeah we're shooting something like a documentary thing and she's okay in front of the camera she's not great okay because some Because some people, they clam up, right? They do. They do. They look directly at the lens. Yeah. And they don't know, like, the answer really short. Yes.

So you don't have any kind of story to build on. Who's the guy who makes them look at the screen? Who's the documentary? Errol Morris. Errol Morris. That's right. He puts his face, like, on a teleprompter. So they're looking at him.

Oh, really? Yeah. Interesting. Fantastic. Mm-hmm. Well, yeah. Why? So that they're staring into the camera.

All right. And they can say, I'm Popeye. Yeah. I'm Popeye. This is my story Toot toot That's a great one My brother got a

Was ragging on me For pronouncing it Popeye Yeah Close enough Yeah Right? Yeah you know who

You're talking about Yeah the sailor man Popeye The dog sailor man Popeye Yeah So When you're done this you'll want to make narrative films or yeah yeah feature length oh no no i can't why i never could i simply couldn't

no i i want to make a few more shorts. I need to get good at making shorts. How good are you on a scale of 1 to 10 now? I'd say I'm like a 4. A 4? You're defending your thesis with a 4? Well, you got to bump that up a couple points. Please don't tell my committee that I said that. Well, I'll try not to, but I'm a real blabbermouth whenever i'm around

a committee you know what if you're a committee if you're listening they are a big fan of this oh boy oh boy committee committee that includes i assume sarah polly and marilyn it's true um they uh beat is just got yeah she's just a sucker with low self esteem oh way oh yes I like that song yeah me too they don't write them like that anymore do they I mean you could tell me that there's a cover of it going around right now that's very popular

and I'd believe you is there yes see I believe you no follow up questions but like how many shorts have you made up to this point See, I believe you. No follow-up questions. But how many shorts have you made up to this point? I've filmed three. Uh-oh.

That seems like you didn't make three. I've made five. I've filmed three. I cut two of them into even shorter shorts No, I've filmed three I only edited and released two One of them I just threw in the garbage Was it a completely lost cause? I don't know what I did

I just didn't Dave, back me up here Did you forget to film an ending? No, I just didn't like it So I just didn't do anything with it. That's all right. It happens. I guess.

I don't know. I'm sure it happens. I'm currently sitting on two, possibly even three albums that I've recorded. Wow. That I've never released. That's way more than me. The only album he's released is a music album that we did together. Yeah, that's right.

Why don't you release them? Same thing. Are you shy? Yeah, I'm shy. Oh, it's so humiliating yeah yeah yeah i mean putting out anything and then asking people to watch it or listen to it or pay money for it yeah oh yeah yeah that's how did have we done 580 of these oh because they're free because they're free because they're free and we also uh it's not like we're proud of them yeah like like with an album it's like you you have the opportunity to to back out yes and like edit it and smooth out the yeah yeah with this we're just kind of like victims of our own momentum yeah yeah exactly so this is uh this can just happen. Well, I'm happy to learn that other people have the same problem. Yeah. Oh, totally.

Like when my film just played in a festival a few months ago, and I didn't tell anybody. Because you were like... I was too humiliated. Who is it? There's some director that never goes to the premieres of any of their films and that they'll go to a movie theater. Woody Allen, because he'll be arrested. Yes. I guess with the space for the Roman Polanski would have been a better one.

But yeah, like, imagine imagine imagine that imagine going and then imagine dragons imagine yeah I was gonna sing a song you guys

do not know yeah yeah no but we want to hear it yeah yeah we want to learn like we want to learn about all the new songs no no no

what's a what's a Ariana Grande do you guys like that tiny teen? Yeah, yeah. She's not a teenager anymore. She is so tiny.

She's so tiny. Yeah, but that's just because she was engaged to a 6'8 comedian. I feel like she is legitimately tiny. She's like 4' something. Probably, yeah. Do we want to... Google it. Her and DeVito are... What are we guessing? I'll say 5'1". I'll say 4'11". Okay. time she's like four foot something probably yeah do we want to google it her and devito or what

are we guessing i'll say five one i'll say four eleven okay i'll say five two oh changing mine to five eleven just joking so you're four eleven you're five one i'm five two i could do five even but i feel like i want to i want to beat you with all the bits. What I hate about, I'm going to Google it now. Yeah. Google is going to return it to me in metric. Yeah, and it'll also be from some weird site. Then you must Google that. It'll be called like,

Boney M Measurements or something like that. Some weirdo site. Celeb Measures. Yeah, Celeb Measures dot, it doesn't need you. Dot jazz. Ariana Grande, half sister of. Jazz. Ariana Grande. Half sister of Frankie Grande. Of course.

Okay. Well, that settles it. Is five. Sorry, whoever had four. That was me. Foot. Even. Five even.

Oh, so I win. Five to zero. Unless it's closest without going over. Yeah. But you know what? I concede. We both lose. She's tiny.

She's tiny. Tiny little singer. Way, way, way, way. With a really big voice. Am I right? Yes. That was just... That was just when you type in Ariana Grande height,

it just suggested five feet. But according to this first thing here, standing five foot three inches tall and weighing only 47 kilograms, she's able to move on the stage effortlessly and leaves the audience wanting some more, some more height. That is just like her height and waist and weight, her small waist. And weight Her small waist She has a small waist

She's tiny That measures 61 centimeters I hate it This is from heightline.com Heightline Yeah, heightline That's my When I have coffee in the morning

I go to heightline I check out some of my favorite slides Oh man The person who has to write the paragraphs Is my hero. Ariana Grande is 5 feet 3 inches or 1.57 meters tall. Many people always think her to be much taller when they see her on screen. This is because their TVs are so big.

No, this is because of her dressing, which exaggerates her height. Because she wears high-heeled knee boots and miniature skirts. I reject this website's facts. Heightline? Heightline. I stand with 5'1". There's no way she's 5'3". Anyway.

It seems suspect, but I've never, heightline's never been wrong before. Ted Koppple used to host yep um the uh what is that song though i don't know that song imagine imagine yeah okay google it later no one cares about ariana grande you

you are so wrongy on a grande you are ariana wrong gay um what's the what's the newest song that you've heard by anyone that i've heard yeah oh no the one the newest one i've heard was that country one by that oh yeah me too that's the newest little nas x yeah yeah and billy ray cyrus i guess i haven't heard that yet i've heard about it yeah good for him I heard it I heard about it

then I heard it and then I was like why is this why why is this a thing but I guess did you like it did you like it

I like it seems like a novelty song it's catchy yeah it's a one hit wonder does he listen to this podcast

he does but it's his first. Lil Nas X? Yes. I keep dissing all these celebs. I feel like rappers are getting littler and littler. Like there just used to be a few lil ones and now so many of them are lil. It's true.

Yeah. And you know. Most rappers, you know, 5'1". Let's Google it. Heightline? Heightline. What's the height of most rappers? Thank you. And how tiny are their waists? Thank you. let's google it heightline heightline what's the height of most rappers thank you

and how tiny are their waists thank you um but you know like do you ever uh

cause I found out about that on twitter like cause so many people were referencing on twitter same with the

picture of the black hole I was like oh yes here's the thing I gotta find out what this is I just wanted to see

one joke about look at my black hole and then i was done with it too bad you that's all there was i was like no offense didn't look that black no and very blurry it was very blurry i mean look is it better than i could have taken with my phone? For sure. Sure, yeah. Have you ever tried to take a picture of the moon on your phone? It looks like the tiniest little speck. Right. Yeah, it's... It's pretty cool.

The moon? The black hole. The black hole. Oh, boy, it's throwing shade at the moon. Does the moon listen to this one? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, the moon does.

Well, no, the moon doesn't, but Mac Tonight does. What? More about me? Yeah, more about you. I guess I wanted more about the black hole. Oh.

I don't know anything more to say about it. Took a lot of hard drives. I know that. I didn't see the hard drives. I saw a picture of the woman with the hard drives. And that's. I did see the hard drives. I saw a picture of the woman with the hard drives. And that's all I know about the Black Home.

Neil deGrasse Tyson took this as an opportunity to really spout off about some things. Oh, like what? How he's not guilty of sexual harassment. Oh, God. Well, this photo exonerates me. No, that he like, I don't know. He's like saying there is no, there's no God or something like that. And I was like, well, why, why does this, why, why today?

Why now? Yeah. Why now, Neil deGrasse Tyson? He wanted to take the photo with his iPhone. Yeah. He tried. He's jealous. Yeah, he tried through a telescope.

He was like, check out this vest that I have. It looks an awful lot like that black hole. Speaking of Degrass, you used to live on Degrassi Street. Yes. And what else is going on with you? Nice. Good segue. Very good segue.

Speaking of good segues, have you ever ridden a hoverboard? No. No? No. No? Never. Too bad. Scared. Will never.

Will never. If offered in a safe environment. Still no? Like in somebody's hallway? Or on one of those fans that people pretend to skydive over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Skydiving fan. Something where you can't get hurt.

Okay, sure. Yeah. But skydiving fan. Something where you can't get hurt. Okay, sure. Yeah. But otherwise, forget it. Forget it. Have you ever, in that realm, have you ever been on a skateboard? I actually have. And? And I fell and I never went on again.

That was it. For like a week in grade 10, I thought I would be a skateboarder. Cool. Did you buy the shoes or some baggy pants or i just bought a skateboard it started with the right element okay but i fell me and my friend just i fell your friend tony hawk my friend is tony hawk yeah do you know him um depends on the spelling is this a man t Tony or a woman Tony? Tony with an I.

Yes, Tony with an I and a heart. Oh, then I don't know her. Can I have a skateboard? Can you have it? Yeah, do you still have it? No. Oh, okay. Are you going to take up skateboarding if she's not using it?

Yeah, that's true. It is a sin to have a skateboard that's just sitting there. Don't hide your skateboard under a using it. Yeah, that's true. It is a sin to have a skateboard that's just sitting there. Don't hide your skateboard under a bushel. Yeah. Did your friend keep skateboarding?

I don't know. We're not friends anymore. This was the dividing moment. This was it. You fell and she was like, I don't know if I want to be friends with her anymore. I think that's what happened.

I feel bad. I don't feel bad. I feel bad. No, I don't feel bad. I feel great. Good. Have you ever ridden a skateboard? Yeah, I was bad at it, but I rode a skateboard around, and I couldn't do any tricks on it.

I could barely do an ollie, and that was about it. It's freaky. And if you, like, if you fall, it looks bad. but it also looks cool doesn't it i don't know not the way i do it dave goes whoa whoa yeah it does feel like oh yeah i'm this is my i'm i was leaning one degree wrong and now i'm 90 degrees wrong. Yeah. It was a thing to do if you didn't you know, if you had a parking lot somewhere near your house.

It's hard in Vancouver too because it rains so much. And yet, skateboarders galore here. Yeah, true. But there's actually like skate parks here. I don't think that was a thing when I

was skateboarding. Just parking here. Yeah. I don't think that was a thing when I was skateboarding. Just parking lots. Yeah. Or like, you know, the more advanced kids would be going down a set of stairs on a railing or something like that. That's pretty cool. I guess it was pretty cool. I remember my friend making us watch skateboard videos and I was like, I don't understand the appeal of this. Yeah.

Not much of a spectator sport. I mean, it's funny when they land on their crotch. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's definitely a funny gag reel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Painful. Mm-hmm.

But funny. No, not funny. There is no funny without pain. Mm-hmm. Put that in your thesis. Wow. I mean, that sounds like one of the comedy albums you won't release. No.

I think you should release one of these albums. Coming from someone you haven't talked to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, although I know that so many people, she's our most requested guest. Yeah. And if she requests something of you, you then must do it. Then I must do it. I am compelled.

I probably will do it. But it's like you say it's a humiliating it's you know what i'm practicing i don't know skateboard yes yes but um like uh what's the opposite of aversion therapy immersion therapy yeah immersion therapy immersion therapy yeah i'm like trying to do force myself when i feel humiliated to just like do it anyway you're like the movie yes man is that with um say it with me what's his name yeah yep i love lamb three no no it's not with evan almighty it's with bruce almighty what's his name oh jim carrey yeah i just met a man named jim carrey i did the former nhl goalie i don't know he was very old and he was a white. That could be a former goalie.

He said he was an actor. That's Jim Carrey going around in some kind of makeup. Was he painting? You guys, I'm worried he listens to the podcast. Don't be. He seems game for anything. I bet he's barefoot. Yeah, but that's what I've been doing. I did some comedy shows.

Oh, that's your immersion therapy. Can you believe it? Yeah, I can believe it because I know you as someone who does comedy shows. But I haven't for so long because I feel so embarrassed about it all the time. Like Dave mentioned, my peak personality trait. Is feeling embarrassed about the thing you like. But like, you don't perform in Toronto? I have a few times.

But mostly just low-key? Just avoiding it. No, no. Aversion therapy. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Is there such a thing as aversion therapy? What I want to talk about.

Is there? Because that rolls off my tongue easier than aversion therapy. Yeah, it doesn't seem like therapy. It just seems like. You're just avoiding something. Yeah. Yeah, which a therapist would be like, stop avoiding that. But I want to come back to what I was talking about.

The goalie named Jim Carrick. Oh, yeah. Okay. Because he had two nicknames and I want you to guess them. Okay. The Mask. Yep. Oh, really?

Yep. And Spicy Meatball. The other one was Net Detective. That's better than Spicy Meatball. No, I disagree. I think somebody in the NHL's nickname should be Spicy Meatball.

That's Jim Carrey, right? Isn't that classic Jim Carrey? That's from The Mask. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah that's classic that's a spicy it's a dynamite and then he says spicy meatball is that when he's dressed as the frenchman i never saw that movie it's very good yeah it's a classic do not go in there. That's the different movie. Oh, right. That's the net detective. Spicy. Is that him?

I thought I'd laugh less. No. I mean, like, as I get older. No. Oh, okay. No, sorry. Like you thought that you would just become like a colder, harder person. And I thought the, you know, I thought, anyway, whatever.

As you go on more and more podcasts, you would laugh less. Exactly, yes. But no. No. Put a microphone in front of Bita, get the giggles. Yes, it's true. Someone in my MFA program said that I laugh for 45 seconds straight. Whoa.

But I don't believe it. 45 seconds straight whoa but i don't believe it 45 seconds straight that would that feels like then you would have to be yeah and a doctor would have to attend to that you couldn't just do that uh i think 45 is not too i think 45 is like a good laugh 45 seconds like one of those like you're crying laughing yeah laugh. Yeah. But, like, no doctor. Nah. I mean, we're talking. I think a doctor should be on scene. We're talking something about Mary. Hmm.

Yeah. We're talking American Pie. All the funniest movies. These are, like, the movies that I was in the movie theater and, like, the whole audience was having trouble breathing. From laughing? Yeah. Nice. like the whole audience was having trouble breathing from laughing yeah nice but you know there's a weird effect of being in that in a crowd and watching a comedy thing it's true because there were people laughing at a trailer that i uh i saw the movie the other night and i

was like this trailer's bad you guys but you guys have all been infected by the theater effect what trailer was it it was a trailer for a movie by tara polly oh no it was sad and i was like stop laughing at this it was a movie that's kind of it's big but in reverse uh suzanne uh kind of but uh with a woman i know it yeah is Rae is in it. Yeah. No, that is funny. No. Did you see it in a theater?

No, I saw it at home. It's really funny. But you saw it at a home theater? Yes, I admit it was a home theater. Bita is a tough laugh. That's true. It's true. It's hard to make you laugh.

Do you, can I guess this movie you were at us yeah oh yeah i saw that and uh did you like it i liked it okay good you said it because because he listened yeah um i didn't like it as much as Get Out, but I did like it. Yeah. Yeah. That's a fair review. Yeah, it was fun. I like seeing a horror movie in the theater for that same kind of. I like people being hysterical during the moments where they're like, the whole movie's been crafted to make you hysterical at one point. And when people do it, it's great.

So much fun. Did you jump I did a couple times and there were might as well yeah there was also

moments where it felt like everybody broke into like mini discussion groups about what was going on it was a little confusing

yeah did you find it confusing a little bit a little bit you guys are doing a great job of not spoiling this for me. We're not. I know. I'm being very

careful. I know you are. Because I know that. I mean you're spoiling my day because I haven't seen this movie. Okay. Sorry. And I want to be included but that's fine. I can go. Does anyone need to refill? It's really on you. It's been out for a long time

it's been over a week and a half no longer yeah it was it's been a couple two and a half yeah let's say two and a half weeks um in this economy you gotta jump on the film i guess so i saw it because i knew there would be memes about it and I didn't want to have to scroll. You wanted to get the memes. Like have to be like, oh no, I can't look at that. Yeah, you have to have your daily dose of memes. Where do you get your memes? What platform? Mostly Twitter.

Really? What about you guys? Or do you like memes? Love memes. Yeah. I love memes. I get a, there's a like a, at the Dairy Queen, they have this kind of like coffee bean, you know, two page newsletter that has a lot of memes on it. Is that real?

It's got trivia and it's got a lot of like. The coffee news? Yeah, it's the coffee news. Yeah. But it also has some memes. Are you lying? He is definitely lying. No, I'm not.

I'm telling the truth. Someone should start that. It's a weird flex, but okay. has some memes. Are you lying? He is definitely lying. No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth. Someone should start that. It's a weird flex, but okay. What's your favorite meme? Oh, God. No, it's too hard a question to answer. It's so hard. It's too hard a question.

I shouldn't have asked it. What's yours? Sometimes people will post Yoda, but he's been all smoothed out. I love it. Smooth Yoda is my favorite. Dave, do you have one? Yeah.

Please. My favorite meme? Yeah. Oh, there's so many. Let me try to think of one. I know, it's hard on the spot. There's a lot of like, have you ever made a meme? Yes, I've made three.

What? That's awesome. Have I? i don't know have you i mean i've made pictures that have i like put other people on does it count when i put amelio estevez's face on a weird vest and it says amelio etsy vest yeah Yeah, I think that counts as a meme. Okay. Yeah, you've memed. What was your meme? Okay. Defend your meme. Are you going to do all three memes? Should I?

Sure. They're not very funny. That's okay. Okay, one was, okay, remember, oh God. Do you remember Scam, the girl, the woman who would scam people? Scamderella?

No, oh, my God. Google. I mean, I want to say Lori Loughlin. No, it was like... Cardi B? No, it was a guy dressed in drag, like in wigs, and he would scam people. Man, this is amazing google it okay are you googling it no i'm trying to find a meme that i like okay where would i put it where where would i have put a meme i like

maybe you would have snapshotted it no that's what i do uh i don't know maybe you would have snapshotted it no that's what i do wait i'm so sorry about this saved it on your phone for a rainy day yeah well like what i have saved it in my but like now i'm the only one not on my phone i understand what it feels like to be left out i'm so sorry oh come on i can believe. So that's one of the memes you made. Let's fast forward to the next one. Well, it was like her face. And then it was like, oh, it was a meme about being a server. Okay.

All right. And then it was like, when your table is really mean to you, but they tip you a hundred percent. Ah, nice. And then it was a picture. Yeah. I was like, I scammed them somehow.

Okay. All right. That sounds like Joanne, Joanne, the scammer. Do you guys know? No, this,

this, this one, I would have had to like go to another level of figuring out what this loved it. And maybe I'll send you some videos later. I'll look, I'll look at look up Joanna Scammer right now. And we'll see if we recognize her.

Let me see. This guy? Oh, yeah. You must have seen... It's a couple years old? It's old. It's very old. Oh, you know what? I'm young, so I don't remember it. You're too young for that reference. What was one of the other memes?

They're all so specific and not funny. The other, I was applying for this grant called a shirk. Okay. And then I took a picture of Shrek. This is great. This is great. And then I put 100% real photo of me applying for a shirk. That's great. I like any,

I like any Shrek. Yeah. Somebody took that black, uh, whole photo and put them on Shrek's eyes. And that was a great meme. I love Shrek. He's a sweet man.

Yeah. He's like, he's like a model citizen. Yeah. I was thinking of a Shrek meme. That was like, that was like, it was like, don't go to your phone again.

Where were you? Don't be sad if you don't have a partner. Shrek was 30 when he got his first girlfriend. That's pretty good, right? Absolutely. He didn't even have, I don't think, a friend. No. Until he was he was you know that same age i'm assuming yeah yeah yeah i think shrek was well his first friend was donkey yeah his first friend was donkey and then he

yeah he was you know he had established himself in his ogre career uh you know he was looking to settle down. The world was going to roll him. Yep. Yes, absolutely. Can I tell you my third meme? Yes, please. Okay, wait.

Just for the listeners. This is Bita's third meme. Yeah. Okay, it's, I released it on St. Patrick's Day. You dropped it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This meme drops on St. Patrick's Day. You dropped it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This meme drops on St. Patrick's Day. Kiss me, I'm Irish.

I'm also lonely. Yes. That's all. That's great. Those are the three memes. I think your meme game progressed. I think it was getting stronger. I think so, too.

Yeah. What was the response to... I never released the first one. Oh, boy. Too shy. yeah what was the response to i never released the first one oh boy so this is this is this is a theme throughout your it's like short films yeah oh yeah i filmed three memes yeah it's good though to make more than you need and then you know only put out the gold yes right yes yeah um dave what's going on with you man oh boy um not a heck of a lot i was listening to the uh one of the episodes we released uh and i i just want to get ahead of this even though now it's i'm behind it but we haven't released the second of these episodes yet, but one week on the show, I talked about watching the movie Gaudi.

Yeah. And then the next week on the show, I forgot that I had said that. And you had forgotten, too. Yeah, that's possible. And then I said I watched it again. I said again that I watched it. This is the John Travolta movie Ah Directed by E From Entourage

Ooh Where he plays Gaudi That's cool From Crime From crime From crime Yeah

From real life Classic And so we mentioned it twice Both times said It was kind of boring Yeah I was hoping it would be Really bad

But it It didn't win me over Right Badness So there's that That's okay So you've seen Gaudi No I just saw I saw a bit of it once Okay It didn't win me over with badness. So there's that. That's okay. So you've seen Gotti?

No, I saw a bit of it once. Okay. But I'm like the opposite of Bita. She'll film three things and release two. I'll watch something once and talk about it twice. Not even once. And the other thing is I've been listening to, on sister podcast, I guess brother podcast, Jordan, Jesse go. They have a they were wondering how many of their listeners have been on Jeopardy. Oh, yeah.

And they put out a poll and like something like 40 people in their audience have been on Jeopardy. Oh, yeah. Two people in the same tournament right now. Really? Yeah. Wow. on jeopardy including two people in the same tournament right now really yeah wow and and then there were so they went like week by week trying to figure out whether they had more listeners who um owned a fez oh yeah like hat yeah uh listeners who had been on a submarine listeners who had been in a cover band wow and i was trying to think about our show and what

is the like commonality amongst our listeners um i mean we've always said graphic design yeah it's all a lot of that um i was thinking uh listeners who own those sunglasses that have the little leather on the side oh yeah stop them in a sandstorm yep sandstorm sunglasses um what else uh you know like uh so like a fun tattoo you know like a like a crazy like a silly tattoo yeah i think like i think yeah it's meant like it's meant as a fun tattoo not right right oh yeah they got seriously and then we're like oops um uh listeners whose mother and father share an email address i mean that's everywhere that's everybody's audience moms and dads love sharing emails um i was watching that would be tough in a divorce.

Yeah, who gets the email account? Or visitation on the email account? Well, I'm still getting, you know, my J.Crew email sent there. And I want, you've got to forward me when there's a sale, which is constantly. I watched, speaking of, like of weird couple stuff, a documentary about a guy who was a serial, like he would marry, he would find lonely ladies and he would marry them. Was it Dirty John? Dirty John. Oh, yeah.

Oh, man. Did you watch what incarnation of it? There's so much. Oh, really? About this one guy? There's a podcast. There's so much. Oh, really? About this one guy? There's a podcast. There's a podcast. There's an actor, like a dramatized one.

Oh, really? No, this was a documentary. And they're both on Netflix. Was it on Netflix? It was on Netflix. Did you watch Shred on Shrekflix? Oh, yeah. You should watch it on Shrekflix.

Unlimited Shrek. Shrek viewing. Porn. I didn't want to say it. There is a lot out there. I didn't want to say it. There is a lot out there. You'll find it accidentally.

Or when you search for it. Oh, you know where you'll find it? Okay. I want to know. I want to know where you'll find it? Okay. I want to know. I want to know where you'll find it. Well, I stream TV a lot on this site called Project Free TV. Yeah. And there's always pop-ups in there.

You know, sometimes there's a Shrek porn pop-up. Is it? It's just, it's not animated. It's animated. Oh. Yeah. I've only seen stills. I guess cells animated by the folks at Disney.

Anyway, back to dirty John. It's a, but like they kept saying how he was so crazy and it was crazy that he would, you get married so many times and then settle down and then go up to his old crazy ways again. Yeah. I won't.

Yeah. I've only heard the podcast. Um, I've seen it all. Do you, you've seen every incarnation? Do you know, do you know who plays them in the dramatized version?

Oh no. Oh, you should do it. You should. Oh, this would be, this would be a fun exercise. Yeah.

Uh, cause of the way he looks, honestly, if, um, uh, if he hadn't passed away, I would say the dad from Growing Pains.

Alan Thicke? Alan Thicke. Yeah, because he had a very kind of Alan Thicke kind of look to him. The real guy. Oh, okay. Nope. Younger, of course. Oh, right.

Is it somebody I'd know? Yeah. Skeet Ulrich. Oh, fine. Yeah, because he's got kind of a crazy kind of energy young i think too young he's about right oh really i'm ready to spill it i'm just sorry i mean you don't like your own game i mean i'm ready to spill it um i uh do you want to keep guessing? No, no. Eric Banana. Oh, yeah.

No, I think he's too handsome for the role. Because the real guy wasn't that good looking of a guy. He was an Eric Banana. Eric Banana's a beautiful man. Sorry, I called him Eric Banana. I was trying to be funny. I know his name's Eric Banana. I guess I was kind of

belittling him because because he's still good looking yeah i know i know it was out of jealousy yeah yeah yeah do you in the documentary did they focus on the the the last woman yeah he done did it too yeah yeah who would you say that we should play that oh oh yeah uh you know i think uh Oh. You know, I think Kristen Dunst would be good. What? She's too young. Alan Fick and Kristen Dunst? Well, I know it's not Alan Fick. I was picturing Skeet Allridge and Kristen Dunst.

She was in her, like, 50s. Okay. Sally Field. It is, it is, yeah. Sally Field. No, it's Conway Britton I'm sorry I said the wrong name I was trying to belittle

Connie Britton I don't know who that is Friday Night Lights Friday Night Lights Yeah Nashville Oh Nashville Sure

Have you seen that No Spin City Yeah Oh American Horror Story No Okay Those are three series that have just

passed me. But you saw Spin City. I saw Spin City. Was she on Spin City? Yeah, she was the red-haired one. Yeah, I remember her. She's cool. She has a good personality. How do you know? I can just tell. She never cheated to get her kids into college. Yeah.

That's the new bar. I like her. If you didn't do that, then you're cool. Look, I still like Felicity Huffman. You know what? I do, too. Yeah. Oh, yeah? Oh, okay.

I mean, no, I don't. I'm sorry. There's a real divide in the room. I can feel it. Felicity Rothman I was trying to do what you did with Eric Banana yeah it's true

but it didn't work it worked as well as Eric Banana did well Eric Banana worked great yeah that's true you guys went oh snap I did I went oh snap yeah i did i went oh snap what uh yeah um eric eric branna eric branna you know what's wild about this uh this is a dirty john podcast right yeah yeah but it's not the dirty john podcast no it's uh's. We do. Some Dirty John. We do some Dirty Shrek.

Oh my God. Yeah. We did. Yeah. We did. Yeah. Just that. John got out of jail like two days or something.

Don't fact check me on that. Okay. And then met this woman online. Yeah. Just like two days after he was out of jail. Yeah. It's like the only thing that was stopping him from getting married again was jail time. Yeah. And even that probably only just slowed him down.

It probably didn't stop him completely. Yeah. When you're in jail. Yeah. It happens. But you probably can't go on dating sites. Tinder dates. Yeah.

Right. Well, I wonder. But letter, right? There's got to be a site that's just for dating. Oh, there is. No, there totally is. There totally is. But his whole deal was that he was pretending to be a doctor.

Right, right, right. That's true. A doctor who wore scrubs every day. Of course. Filthy Scrubs was the, yeah, that he was like, we're tattered and filthy scrubs. Well, that's actually scrubs porn I've been making with, I've been drawing Zach Braff in some sexy situation. Did you say scrubs porn? Yeah, filthy scrubs.

Filthy scrubs with Zach Braff and Turk. Oh, do you guys know did Zach Braff ever make his second film? He did. Oh, okay, cool. His like crowdfunded? Yeah, he did. Okay, cool. Well, no, he filmed it, but he didn't make it. Oh, he didn't release it? He just beat a

judaki-itis. Oh, but he didn't make it. Oh, he didn't release it? Oh, okay, cool. He has beta-judaki-itis. Oh, nice. That's a thing. But, no, he made it. What was it? That's cool. Who was in it? Donald Faison.

Really? Was it? I think so. Yeah, probably. I always get it confused with the Veronica Mars crowdfunded movie. Oh, did that get made? I think so. Ah. ah nice it's really turning it over to the people yeah yeah we're out of the studio system now now the people will pay to have

this made but we will not watch it you can't make us watch it just we will we will get the budget together so you can make your movie, but that's it. It doesn't have to go in theaters or anything like that. Did you, I don't, I get, now that there's so many like documentary podcasts that also become documentary or are also documentary TV shows and are also like dramatized TV shows and are also, um, uh, like dramatized TV shows or, you know, there's the, the, the, that book about the blood lady, you know what I'm talking about? Oh yeah. Yeah. And there was a podcast about her and also a lady, the lady, there's a podcast and a

documentary and a book, uh, just pick pick a medium i just want one i just want the one yeah and no i like both you like you at least release them like far enough apart where yeah it's like you know what i was watching one in preparation for this podcast no just kidding well no i was watching a horrible murder doc just before I got here. But about the Adnan Saeed. Yeah. They just released an HBO documentary. Yeah.

But that was like five years ago. It was, yeah, 2014 when the podcast was released. And I like it. I don't know. I like podcast and doc. Maybe the scripted step is too much. That's where I take't know. I like podcast and doc. Maybe the scripted step is too much. That's where I take a stand. Where you're like, stay at home,

Eric Vanna. But also like the Michael Jackson documentary. But then also there was an Oprah interview that was in addition. Yeah. That's different though. I feel like there's just like if you want to like a thing and like do you have two hours to devote to it?

Great. So there's, you watch a movie, but like the fact that now, like everything has so many eight hour components to it. Yeah, true. Well, people watch. That's true. That's true. We have so much time.

Two Fyre Festival documentaries. Oh, yes. The Fyre Festival animated series. Right. The, yeah, I only watched the one because we don't get Hulu up here. No, that's true. It would have been, I would have had to go through Project Free TV and just see all this crazy Shrek porn. You know what?

One time I was at work. Waiting tables. No, I was like time I was at work. Waiting tables. No, I was like, I was interning at this production company and I was working with this new woman and I opened up,

oops, sorry, I just banged the thing. That's fine. I opened up my laptop and there was like cartoon porn on it. I forgot to. You're like,

time to get to work. It was so humiliating. And then neither of us just said anything about it what is that family guy are you even watching family oh that's an important one yeah super embarrassed

yeah that's what you get when you steal that's true yeah super embarrassed yeah yeah as it would be that's what you get when you steal that's true content yeah

the whole project free tv isn't sponsored by isn't where does that fall in the black market you don't get

you don't get an email from your cable provider saying no because it's streaming right but now I've spilled the beans.

Yeah. And I think I've, maybe at some point I watched something on there. I watch everything on there. Yeah. What's going on with you? Now I'm worried that I talked about the thing that I was going to talk about before,

but I don't think I did. It's okay. That's true. You didn't hear it. I didn't hear it. Yeah. A couple weeks ago I did a show

in a church as part of a church fundraiser. I've never done a show in a church before. Was this in Calgary? This was in Calgary. You maybe talked about it? Maybe, yeah.

I feel like I mentioned it but you know what? If I talked about it just zip through it, yeah, I feel like I mentioned it, but, you know what, if I talked about it, just zip through it, and, do you know what, put on Dirty John right now.

Yeah. Oh, I was, dirty. I guess he didn't, he didn't narrate it. I was being really dirty that day. One part of that documentary that like, got me was that during his wedding video all his

friends were like oh yeah dirty john like they were all calling him dirty john on his like wedding video yeah good what kind of friends have you what type of friends do you have, Dirty John? People do, like, there's this weird marriage thing about, like, oh boy, you gotta tie down this nasty boy. Oh no. Oh yeah, yeah. Like, it's a weird holdover. It's this gross thing. That's when you know you've made a mistake. Well, I guess so.

I think. When everybody is calling your soon to be a husband or wife, a nasty boy, but like the, the idea of like a bachelor party, you know, you know, your last chance to like do gross stuff.

Yeah. It doesn't count. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

But it was just like a weird because it was at their wedding yeah reception and like all like it wasn't just one drunk guy it was like a bunch of guys who were all like yeah dirty i remember i was once at a wedding where uh the dj was like okay let's get the bride out onto the dance floor and then they played a song called i knew the bride when she used to rock and roll and then as soon as they started the song everyone was like oh that uh that's what this song is we're all like everyone was like no no no thank you like it was supposed to be a parade of guys going up to dance with her oh weird yeah ex-boyfriend no every guy that would be very weird and now for the ex-boyfriend part that's kind of brilliant yeah actually what to have ex-boyfriends

show up at a wedding yes i mean just to test their resolve beth bet! It's as arbitrary as any other weird wedding tradition of like giving away my daughter. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't there a thing

we talked about that some time ago where like dads go to prom with their daughter in some like weird it's like a weird chastity thing.

There's like a prom with your dad. With your dad, yeah. Yeah, it's not prom but it's but it's like like it's a dance. It's a dance, chastity thing. There's like a prom with your dad. With your dad, yeah. Yeah, it's not prom, but it's... But it's like prom, like it's a dance. It's a dance, yeah. Yeah.

But it's... Oh, I hope my dad asks me to this father-daughter dance. And then he doesn't. He doesn't. Or he does like this big, dramatic, like, unfurl something from a highway overpass. Prom, question mark? Oh, no. That's so... highway overpass prom question mark oh no that seems to be what a promposal is just writing prom question mark

on a thing but it was also a voice thing it was a Scooby Doo voice prom question mark prom question mark oh boy so you went to a church fundraiser yeah yeah and i danced with my dad oh no were you afraid you'd get a boner uh but i thought i thought like um the the i thought it was gonna go very poorly right because it was in the church yeah and uh and you do a lot of atheist ricky

there and i go you know i do i roll up my sleeves and i go i don't care if you're offended you know um but uh yeah i thought i was like this is gonna be bad like yeah, I thought I was like, this is going to be bad. Like, I'm going to bomb and it's fine. This is, you know, for fundraising. So if I bomb, maybe they'll donate more out of pity. Also, I'm doing my album recording here. Hi, my bomb. Live at church?

Not a bad idea. Live at church? Not a bad idea. Because there are comedians all over North America that they play churches. They go like church function. I saw one come to the church a few blocks from here.

He had a tour bus. I forget his name. And they make a tremendous amount of money. And they're like Christian? Yeah, and they go a tremendous amount of money. And they're like Christian? Yeah. Yeah, and they go from Christian? Or GTFO. Yes.

GTFO. So then the pastor of this church went up, and he was going to introduce me, and he told a joke before I went up, and it killed. Uh-oh. Yeah, and I was like, well, maybe this crowd will be all right. They only liked, that was the one joke of the night that they liked was his joke. And then the rest of the night, it was pretty uneven. I would say, I would say overall, it was, it tended towards the bomb side of things.

Why didn't they get a Christian, like a known Christian comic? I only just found out that existed myself not that long ago. So maybe they don't know. They must know. It's their group anyway. Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't know of any like, what's my group? First of all, what's my group? And second of all like what's my group who's there what's there why does it first of all

what's my group and second of all what's our comedian i don't know other comedians yeah other yeah um well uh is this a church your parents go to uh it's a church that i went to with my family when i was a kid as a a joke? Yeah, as a prank. A long, like a decade-long prank. Prank. And they still go occasionally, I think. Do you think they'll still go now? No, I think it's over for them.

Oh, no. Tainted forever. Because they can't show their faces there because their son had a bad set. You know what, though? They could tell them that I'm in league with Satan, and that would probably buy them some sympathy points. Surprisingly, there was very little talk about Satan when I went to church. Yeah, that's interesting. I think also, was there any mention of Satan?

I feel like it's only certain. Satan, certain Satan? Yeah, or something like I think it's just like a performance choice or something like on the minister or the priest's behalf to like really Satan up

Satan up a sermon I don't know, but you know you go to the church of Satan, you'll find out Oh yes Is he still Anton LeVay or did he is he did he pass away i don't know who's in charge of the church of satan i just remember he hung out with marilyn manson yeah did you ever see the oscars a few weeks ago Marilyn Manson posted on his Instagram well what was it it was like um I want to get the wording right but it was him uh with uh what's his face

Adrian Brody Adrian Brody okay and it was like I think what he wrote it was a picture of the both of them and I think what he wrote on his Instagram a picture of the both of them, and I think what he wrote on Instagram was, and the Oscar for the best noses goes to the Nose Brothers. Oh, what a good joke. Yeah. It is a good joke. Alan Manson, he was like always funny on the side. He had a dry sense of humor.

Yeah. He's not unfunny. No. No. I mean, when he wasn't convincing kids to do a Columbine, he had a pretty good sense of humor. No, I don't blame you for that, Marilyn Manson. Don't at me. So, how'd that go?

Yeah. It didn't go well? No. I don't think people withdrew funds because of it. Um, so, uh, how'd that go? Yeah. Oh, well, no, not, I don't think people withdrew funds because of it. I don't think they were like, meh. Parody events are classically horrible. Is this correct?

Yeah. For standup comedians. Cause it's just like, they got like random people. It is true. It's usually someone who's a friend of a friend who they can get for free yeah and not necessarily someone chosen because the audience yeah and also the crowd is composed largely of people who are there with a friend like a friend they haven't you know they don't

have the same taste in anything it's just a hodgepodge of people they didn't do did they do the thing where they put out collection plates and everyone fills them up and then after the comedian goes on, they put the collection, like people can take back as much as they want. they sent back out

the collection plates and said, you know, what did you think of that? Yeah. Saw a lot of tens going back into people's pockets. Oh,

those are tough to come by. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a lot of 20s in there to begin with. It was mostly tens and fives. Huh.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well 10s and 5s. Yeah. Well, bank machine gives 10s. TD. That's true. Pretty good. BMO. Really? I think so.

Stand by it. Stand by it, Vita. Don't Google that. No, I'm just looking at my phone because I'm bored. Oh, dude. I was trying to find the wording of this Nose Brothers tweet. Oh, I thought you were reading it off of the Instagram. No, I was searching.

I was searching. Yeah. You know what? The way you delivered it. Did you guys ever see that? Have you seen that new Instagram that's preachers and sneakers? Preachers and sneakers? Yeah.

Like cool preachers? Like cool preachers and their sneakers. I do know there's a rise of cool preachers and Justin Bieber is part of it. Yeah.

Ah. What's that church? Sunny side? Oh, hillside? Hillstone? Hillstone? I don't know.

Hillstone. Anyway. It's either a bread company or a church. Yeah, sure. Sunny Hill, Hillstone. But yeah, there's an account that's just pictures of preachers, school preachers. That's wild. In like super rare sneakers that cost, you know, 200 bucks when they came out, but they sold out in 10 seconds

and now they're going on eBay for $4,000. Preachers and sneaks. Was the preacher at your thing a cool guy? Yeah, he was doing three-pointers. He didn't miss one. It was just draining three-pointers.

It's gotta be the shoes. Yeah. Should we move on to a bit of business? Sure. Oh. Stop Podcasting Yourself is supported in part by Away, makers of first-class luggage at a coach price. Oh, I like that price.

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And we always like to start with the guest. You've had seven years this is so hard because i have horrible hearing and horrible memory maybe it's an ear infection it might be okay i have one i might have said it before that's fine that's the theme of this episode you think you maybe said something seven years ago and you found it in your phone is that a seven-year-old phone no i tweeted it once all right no really yeah all right okay you really do have a bad hearing memory horrible memory okay anyway here we go he really changed the game in dog photography. He really changed the game in dog photography? Yeah. Man, who would that be?

I guess William Wegman. Yeah, Herb Ritz. Yeah, Ann Geddes when she photographed puppies for a time. Yeah, sure. Ansel Adams. But, like like with a dog pun in there okay and then i have one more thing wait wait wait we gotta do more photographers okay okay uh and you leave a wolf well yeah yeah uh i think that's all the photographers there's David LaChapelle oh yeah

David Ruff Chapelle pretty good wait just are these memes? do these count as memes? no these aren't memes it's only a meme you think they're memes but I disagree

it's a meme if you have regular Winnie the Pooh and have regular Winnie the Pooh. Yeah. And then classy Winnie the Pooh in a tuxedo. Oh, here's a meme I remember when Drake is like, no, no, no, no. And then yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a classic template.

Launch the thousand meme. You said you had another one or well there's just one more thing I want to say okay alright here we go this is a prepared statement

yeah and then you'll go I want to spend more time with my family do you know that one this is kind of like an overheard okay

do you because I overheard someone say it but do you know that there's like when the apocalypse comes, the 1% have places called survivor condo developments. What? I've heard about something. Isn't that wild?

That's pretty funny, right? So that they will move into once they're survivors of the apocalypse. They will move in once it's like you have 10 minutes to live, y'all. Let's all move into this nice condo development? Yes. Does it have survival stuff in it? I have no answers. Okay.

Yeah, I'm not too worried about that. I don't know that I want to inherit the earth after the apocalypse. Yeah. True. Um, and I just think it's such a funny way to advertise such a horrific. Yeah. Survival survivor condo development.

Yeah. Yeah. I, but I also feel like they'll have to get there. Like whatever the, I mean, this presumes that it's a slow apocalypse. True.

Yeah. Yeah. Which it is. Yeah. Taking forever. Yeah. Isn't there, there's like some kind of bed that I've seen that basically the earthquake bed. Yeah.

It kind of swallows you up. Yeah. If it detects an earthquake. Yeah. It like flips you. It would probably swallow me up most of the time, right? Am I right, ladies? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah if it detects an earthquake yeah it would probably swallow me up most of the time right because like am i right ladies oh yeah yeah i do it you're trembly trembling for about 40 seconds

pretty good yeah um dave do you have an overheard no i'm still trying to think of photographers oh sure yeah um andy warhol uh i guess andy wolf yeah andy wolf joanne the scammer um my overheard is an overseen and oh boy is it this might be okay you know what this is just a dumb thing I was at a beer store the other day because you know what you like beer

I like it okay my stomach can take one yeah but they had the Pabst Blue Ribbon end But at the Pabst Blue Ribbon end cap, they had Pabst Blue Ribbon mac and cheese. I saw this. Whoa. Huh. I saw this.

It seems like it's, you know, if Pabst Blue Ribbon is a cheap beer, this is a cheap meal. You should have bought it. Did you buy it? No, because you have to buy a 15-pack of should have bought it. Did you buy it? No, because you have to buy 15 pack, a 15 pack of beer to get it. Oh. That's where they get you. Although it's a weird,

it's a one, it's a weird promotion because usually if you buy a case of beer, the whatever t-shirt is inside, like the free prize

is inside the pack. Yeah. You don't also have to pick up something and send in six box tops. Is that what it is? Well, you have to You have to send away No, you don't also have to pick up something and send in six box tops is that what it is well you

you have to you have to send away no you don't have to send in but like it's it's there you have to buy it with you have to you know

you can take it with the case weird weird bonus Pabst Blue Ribbon mac and cheese macaroni

a fromage I would like to taste that. Yeah? Maybe you'll go to a house party. Or I'll show you the store that had it. I don't want to buy pasta. No, go to a house party. Maybe I misread it.

Just go to a house party. Maybe I misread it and it was like a separate. Yeah. You could have bought it. But then what? Then you'd have to eat it. You'd eat it. And then you'd have to report here. And then You could have bought it. But then what? Then you'd have to eat it. You'd eat it. And then you'd have to report here.

And then I'd lose my kids. Yeah. That's true. That would be exhibit A. Look what he's been eating. Feeding to his kids. Look what he's been feeding. That's Blue Ribbon Brand Crab Dinner.

Huh. Yeah. Weird. But not like the craziest crossover no like makes sense with beer yeah that's true meat usually not pasta not pasta oh i've been doing it wrong you boil your pasta in beer yes yeah maybe a stew oh yeah sure a stew will do uh yeah welcome back to a stew will do. Yeah. Welcome back to a stew will do.

A stew will do, but liquor is quicker. My overheard was donated to me. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I was also there. I just, I didn't overhear it. But I was like, I am taking this overheard. but I was like, I am taking this over her because the person ahead of me on the escalator had a bunch of patches on his backpack that would indicate that he is in dental school.

I did not know what I was expecting. And he said to his friend, 2019, everything's coming up teeth. He said that to his friend? To his friend, yeah. So, I mean, that's the kind of conversation dentists are having when we're not around. Right. You need to

see the dentist memes. There are dentist memes? There must be. That guy kind of said a meme. He kind of, you're right. And yeah, there for sure are dental memes. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a, I mean, I'll Google dental memes if you want. Let's see. What are you getting? What are you getting? I feel like, yeah.

I'll make one. This is one of, of, of Arnold Schwarzenegger yelling, suction, hurry. I cannot swallow my own saliva. That's a good one. That's a good dental. A picture of a dentist and it says, I can't feel my face when I'm with you.

Ah, fun. That's a good one. That is a good one. Oh, yeah, that's good. This kid who made him laugh something in the microwave oh yeah and it says told my boss i have a dentist appointment when i actually just want to leave early actually went to the dentist's office instead of going home damn shit ah shit okay so uh these are your dental memes yeah and uh if anybody else else knows of any other very, like, job-specific memes.

Yeah. Oh, there's got, oh, I'm. Like, are there construction memes? Are there. I made a server one. Nice. That's true. Has she ever been your server?

Oh, I've been your server. At two different restaurants. Oh, yeah. In the same week? No, I don't. Maybe. Wow. But have you ever been yours?

No. No. Am I a good server? Huh. I think I just laugh a lot and fill water. I can't... I can't judge you

about whether you're a good server because you seem overwhelmed that you're seeing me. Oh, no. You seem like... Really? Yeah. I didn't feel overwhelmed. Well... I think I... a good server because you seem overwhelmed that you're seeing me oh you seem like it's really yeah i didn't feel overwhelmed well i think i just was overwhelmed i couldn't tell if you were like

avoiding oh no i actually think that you weren't my table oh yeah that's what i that's kind of what i thought and uh but you brought me water but then never came back. And then I never came back again. Yeah. That's a classic. That's when a waitress nags you. That is a weird thing in the serving game where you're like, or the restaurant game where you have the same server your whole meal, and then someone else brings your food and there's no explanation.

That's a special guest walk no explanation. That's a special guest walk-on. That's what that is. Especially because servers are usually like, they want to let you know I'm leaving. Yeah, yeah. You don't have to finish now. Yeah. But, you know, sometimes they give you an option. Do you mind settling up your tab

with me and then continuing on with Greg? Greg's going to take good care of you. Uh-huh. Now we also have overheards sent in from people all over the map. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy

at maximumfun.org This first one comes from Bridget in Chicago. Around St. Patrick's Day because... You made in Chicago around St. Patrick's day. Uh, because she made a meme about it. I should send it to you. Please do. Please do.

And I already explained it. Um, I was waiting at a stoplight next to a very drunk man and a not as drunk woman, but I'm still drunk. a very drunk man and a not as drunk woman, but I'm still drunk. Uh, when I overheard him say to her, you know, my dad invented Christmas drunk. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, you know, what could he have met? Christians. He invented. Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know what else. Bismuth? How old was he? Do you know? I don't know. He was 2018 years old. It could happen. No.

Only in Chicago. Only in Chicago. Did Jesus have a son? Undetermined. That's a Billy Crudup movie. Is that, what is that? Jesus' son. Oh, never heard of it.

Maybe. It was during the Billy Crudup renaissance. I guess, naissance. Don't know who Billy Crudup is. I mean, I know the name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it to hear it. I've never heard of this person. Billy Crudup? What might I know the name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it to hear it. I've never heard of this person.

Billy Crudup? What might I know him? You might know him from Almost Famous. He was the lead singer in that band. Cruddy. Cruddy. And you might know him from Jesus' Son. Yeah.

And one of those Steve Prefontaine movies. Oh, Pre? Or Prefontaine. Okay. Was Jared of those Steve Prefontaine movies. Oh, Pre? Or Prefontaine. Okay. Was Jared Leto one of them? Yep. Okay. Yeah.

Jared Leto, as he was building up, he was building up steam in a serious actor career. He was that. He was Mark David Chapman. Mark David Chapman. You can take the rest of the night off. Yeah. You just act like my server and walk away. And then he got enough acting credentials

to be allowed to play the Joker. That's how it works. If you get enough serious credentials, then you're allowed to play the Joker one time. Everybody gets to play him once. I think they're doing a sequel, aren't they? Joaquin Phoenix? But they're all doing a Suicide Squeakquel, aren't they?

It is a Squeakquel. They've added the Jim're all doing a Suicide Squiggle, aren't they? It is a squiggle. They've added the Jim Monks to the Suicide Squad. Joker. Will Smith. Theodore. Oh, boy. This next one comes from Sasha H. This is two people trying to remember the name of the TV show Kenny vs. Spinning.

Co-worker one, do you remember that show where it's two horrible guys from Toronto who pull pranks on each other? And each episode ends with one of them humiliating the other. Co-worker two, completely unironically. Yeah, Kramer vs. Kramer. It's a fair mix up yeah did you watch that show i think so yeah it made me very uncomfortable i hated kenny i think you were supposed to was kenny the one he was the mean one yeah i but you know what spenny was a dope too. Yeah. It wasn't, it wasn't like one was a upper crust intellectual and the other one was like

a down to dirty dog. I feel like Kenny, I liked Kenny cause he was, he, he squeaked between the rules. He kind of did like a squeak. Well, yeah,

yeah, yeah. He was, but he was, I think you were supposed to be rooting against him. Yeah. But it was Canadian. Yeah.

And do you know them? oh we we're definitely like one yeah one degree away from them yeah for sure we definitely know people who know them

we probably should say nothing but glowing things yeah but you know what that show made me a little uncomfortable yeah and that's as mean

as I'll get when I okay when I years and years ago for the Vancouver Comedy Festival, I like curated a short film thing. And one of the short films that was sent in was basically a mini pilot for Kenny versus Spenny. And as I was watching it, I was like, these guys are going to be famous. Like this concept is so perfect for a TV show.

And then, like, five years later, it was a TV show. Wow, five years later. Yeah, something like that. Whoa. Yeah. They really worked that concept. And you were like a 14-year-old curator? I was a 14-year-old curator.

But yeah, it was like, and it was on CBC. Oh, was it? It started out on CBC. I remember it on Much Music. I remember it on on CBC. Oh, was it? It started out on CBC. I remember it on Much Music. I remember it on Project Free TV. Oh, yeah. But it did. It started its very first incarnation with CBC, of all places.

That's wild. Yeah. And then it moved. Your tax dollars, folks. Yeah. You heard it here first. Or last, depending on how tuned in you are. I think pranks in general make me uncomfortable.

Oh, okay. It's just the general culture around pranks. Although, man, those jackass movies are fun. But they were pranking themselves. That's true. They weren't going out of their way to prank. But that's what Kenny versus Penny was doing. They were just pranking each other.

Yeah, but I don't know what it is about the jackass ones. There's enough of them that are not in on it at a given time right some of them are so rapid fire yeah yeah it's true i don't know i don't know i'm fine in general i enjoy watching a prank show i don't go out of my way to watch a you know just for laughs gags yeah like because i feel like that's a little, it's a lot of setup. And then it's like, just, I don't like anybody's day being inconvenienced.

Yeah. I feel like that. Unless they get money. Yeah. Or unless they look into the camera afterwards and say, Oh, it was a prank. Yeah.

I just want to see that moment. I don't want to see the prank. I just want to see people just really I don't want to see the prank. I just want to see the people just really let off the hook. Yeah. This last one comes from Jessica in Kansas City. My friend's grandma recently passed away at the funeral. There were four men who were entering her coffin into the crypt. Oh, wow.

Once they successfully completed this, my friend's three-year-old daughter whispered to her, Can I clap for them? That's very cute. Yeah. You did it! Yay! I was just thinking, four men entering. Yes, that sentence the way you read it.

The way I read it, yeah. And they played I Knew the Corpse when she used to rock and roll. In addition to overherses that are written in, we also accept your dentist memes. If you want to send us a dentist meme, please do it. Call it in. To 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh.

Spy pod one. Like these people have, but not Dennis memes. Overheard. Hey, guys. Hi. So every year in February, I do a historical interpretation in a fur trading cabin in Winnipeg for a winter festival. Same.

And you always get to hear some fun stuff when the kids come in. I work at a station where I have a variety of furs, and there was this small school from northern Manitoba. I knew it was a small school because there were, like, five grades in one group. So one kid that I assumed was in, like, grade three, because he was very short, interrupted me as I was talking about a bison pelt. And he went and said, oh, oh, oh, my uncle, my uncle has bison skin in his bathroom walls. And a kid beside him that was much taller and older just looked at him nonchalantly and said, weird flex, but okay.

Dave, you said that today. I said that too, because I knew that was coming. You know what? I like a story to have an arc. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a little foreshadowing. I've been trying to use that in my everyday life, but I can't. What, weird flex, but okay? I don't think that I've

heard a weird flex that, that it's been like, it could be anything. Yeah. It could be like, I ate a lot of meat. Oh, weird flex,

but okay. But see, if somebody said that, that's exactly where you use it. Yeah. That's too perfect. Hey guys, I ate a lot of meat.

Don't make fun of me oh my god oh no did you have any vegetables or straight meat did you cook it i'm on that jordan peterson all steak diet i laughed really loudly into them. You sure did. Is that okay? No, we have to throw it out now. Jordan Peterson has an all-meat diet? He's been endorsing a diet where he just eats like a lot of meat.

He's the guy who directed Get Out? Yeah. And Us? That's exactly him. Don't ever say a difference. Don't Google that. difference. Don't Google it. Okay. All right, so one for the new Jordan Peterson movie, please.

They should make a Jordan Peterson Twilight Zone where just women have rights. Imagine. If you will. Here's your next one. Hi, this is amerina from ithaca new york in the united states and i was just in line in a store and there were two uh college students by the way hello dave and graham and probable guests hello and i was just in line in a store and there were two college students sort of talking about their parents' political beliefs, that, you know, your parents are conservative, and your parents are big. And the guy said, my dad's really getting into this whole woke Catholicism thing.

And the girl said, ooh, I love that for him. That's it. Away I go. So, yeah, like kind of these priests and sneaks. Yeah. I don't think any of them are Catholic. No? But isn't that, isn't priests, aren't they, isn't that Catholic exclusive?

Yeah, preachers and sneakers. Oh, preachers. Right. Sorry. Priests and sneaks. Yeah. I made up a thing that doesn't exist. Priests and sneakers.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe priests don't wear cool sneaks. Yeah. I made up a thing that doesn't exist. Priests and sneaches. Yeah. Yeah, maybe priests don't wear cool sneaks. I don't know. It's hard to tell under those robes. Yeah, maybe they're hiding them. Yeah, they've got long robes. Although, didn't one of the Pope, the Pope who retired, didn't he have like a pair of Prada loafers? Ooh, probably.

Yeah. If you're going to retire, you're just just gonna spend a lot of time around the house some nice loafers yeah yeah pretty good boy yeah do you want any loafers no no i don't you yes nice do i wear them no no i do not okay guys here's your final word hey david graham and amazing guest uh this is william calling from boston massachusetts uh with an overheard i was out to a brunch date on saturday um and we were at this vegetarian place and it was was, like, really nice. And my date and I were eating our omelets. There was a gap in our conversation while we ate, and I heard the table immediately next to us,

not necessarily very hushed voices, but there was a guy and a woman speaking to one another, and I think they were a couple. speaking to one another and I think they were a couple and the woman said to the guy in what sounded like a straight face I couldn't I couldn't see her face but it sort of said like kind of seriously she was like you do know what I mean by beige right in the context of a gangbang what whoa what i don't think i do i don't in the context of a gang wait just a second let's see if there's any more in the context of a gangbang and i just almost lost it i don't know wait oh he said more no he said that's it. Oh, oh. Hmm.

Let's guess. I think beige means boring. Yeah, so it's like you're having a gangbang, but it's all. Is it like a sex gangbang or a gang gangbang? I don't think a gang gangbang is a thing. It's like when a bunch of gang members beat you up. Isn't that called a gangbang? I think that's being jumped in. Or just being beaten up by gang members.

Yeah. I think a gangbang is exclusively a gangbang. But they used to say gangbangers. They do. They would say, like on Law and Order, they would refer, oh, yeah, we collared a couple gangbangers. And that's not, I don't think it's... It's changed.

Yeah. It's changed yeah it's changed it's a similar to the the very earnestly a tire replacement uh was for a long time called a rim job and now is a tire replacement yeah it's not called that anymore and uh why why joking i refer you to Shrek Hill. Right, of course. My Shrek porn. And yet, MyShrekPorn.com There remains a hot dog stand in Canada

called Mr. Tube Steak. Mr. Tube Steak. And an oil change place called Mr. Lube. Mr. Lube. Oh, yes. Classic. Yeah. It's classic. You don't need an appointment um so so anyway uh beige beige is like you know sick person no i think i think

there's a boring so that yeah it's just like a boring you know it's kind of on rails do you guys know for sure if you google beige gangbang no i think you're gonna i think you're gonna be not yeah i think you're gonna don't google it and then leave it on your screen when you go to work this is a oh no yeah you're not I really want to know but like you're a millennial you know how Google works sometimes

you know that's not going to come up no sometimes it's on Urban Dictionary oh like what beige means yeah oh

I don't see it okay I'm going to choose to believe it's a sick man it's like having a gang bang with a bunch of sick men I'm beige to choose to believe it's a sick man. It's having a gangbang with a bunch of sick men.

I'm beige. Yeah. Aren't I? I don't know. I'm hot pink. Let me unbutton a few more. No, we must know what it means. Please call in.

Call in right now. Is this how it works? Do you agree with me? 1-800... No, that it's a beige gangbang is a boring... No. Like a vanilla gangbang. Yeah. That's not it.

How are you... That is not it. I'm satisfied with this. That's not at all. You're more unsatisfied than a woman in a beige gangbang. A gay-bang-bang. Beige bang-bang. Call her, please. Oh, boy. Leave a message. Yeah. okay bang bang bang bang call her please

leave a message prom what a film well that brings us to the end of this episode I can't believe I'll never know you do or if you ever just believe us

that our interpretation is correct i guess whatever whatever um beta do you have anything uh upcoming that you would like to plug no no okay you're gonna keep it all i mean i have i truly have nothing that's that's fine you don't you don't need anything yeah um. Yeah. Will you release this film that you're going to defend as your thesis? I will. Okay. So someday I'll be able to see this film. Yeah.

Okay. And the other two that have been released? Are they on Netflix? Never search for them. Oh. Oh. Beige movie. Something.

Something beige. Richard Avedog. Yes. beige movie something something beige Richard Avedog yes good thank you thank you all out there for listening if you like the show

please tell your friends and come on come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artists don't.

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