Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 60 - Chris von Szombathy
Episode Date: April 21, 2009Artist and musician Chris von Szombathy joins us to talk about The Soloist, high-speed rail, and Garfield. We also stuntcast Popeye....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 60 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark, and joining me, as always, is the man that they originally wanted for the lead role in The Wrestler, but couldn't get him, Mr. Dave Shumka.
Yeah, because I was too dangerous.
It's true. Yeah, they wouldn't have believed you as a wrestler, more like a killer.
Yeah, like the kind of believed you as a wrestler. More like a killer. Yeah, like
the kind of guy who kills wrestlers.
And our guest here
on a, I would say
60s, that's kind of a landmark
episode, right? All the tens
to me feel
significant. Sure.
Not that the other ones haven't been, but this feels good.
You love the metric system.
Oh, there's no doubt about that. Our guest today is significant. Sure. Not that the other ones haven't been, but this feels good. You love the metric system.
Oh, there's no doubt about that. Our guest today is artist and musician,
Chris von Zombathy.
Longtime friend of Dave Schumke's. Very long. Very long. And I was checked out,
Dave has a little book of your art. I mean, little, literally, the size of it is it's a small book.
He's not diminishing the importance of your cute little art.
And the shoe tree, your shoe tree art is something to behold.
I really enjoy the shoe tree stuff.
Thank you very much.
That's great.
Yeah, it was actually, I stole a lot of those from work.
I work in a shoe store.
Al Bundy styles.
Al Bundy styles.
And I had the cardboard ones with me.
And a little girl was, like I had a bunch of empty ones on the table or whatever the counter.
And this little girl was like, oh, can I have those?
And her mom was like, don't take those.
Like, what are you going to do with those things?
She's like, I'm going to paint them and make faces out of them
and they're like you can't have them
so should we get to know us sure
get to know us were you were you gonna finish that or was there an end to that? I don't think there really was an end to that.
Well, basically, she would have stolen my idea.
Yeah, but you stole hers.
I stole hers.
Yeah, it's like stealing an idea from a baby.
So, Chris, tell us what's going on.
What's happening in general terms?
I just moved into a new place.
Wow, is that cool.
It's awesome.
Yeah?
Yeah, it's so much better
than my old apartment.
My old apartment was loud,
really loud,
and I could hear my neighbors
farting upstairs.
Really?
What was it?
In the bathtub?
Thin kind of walls?
The whole place was thin.
It was like it was made out of crackers.
I found out, actually I went up there one day to complain to like it was made out of crackers. I found out.
Actually, I went up there one day to complain to...
It was a brother and sister that lived upstairs.
Were you complaining about the farts?
I actually was complaining.
I was complaining about a bunch of things.
But it's a brother and sister that lived together.
Their names were Mary and Joseph.
This is great.
Which is fucking creepy.
All right.
I'm like, wow, if you have an inbred kid, it will be the son of God.
And I went up there and I banged on the door and I was like, look, you guys got to keep it down.
And she was like, oh, we'll try.
And I said, I know what hour he's gassiest.
Did you really say that?
That's what I said.
Wow.
Did not faze him at all.
Did not faze him whatsoever.
So, yeah, we found a new place and we moved in.
Good for you.
Yeah, it's got a fireplace.
That's the thing.
Oh, really?
Yeah, it's got a fucking fireplace.
So the last place, were you in an apartment?
Were you in a house?
It was like an old house that had been converted into apartments.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's my kind of situation that I'm living in now.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm in a house with kind of the apartments. Yeah, it's, you know situation that i'm living in now oh yeah yeah
i'm in a house with kind of the apartments yeah it's you know i don't know man i'm terrible got
tired of it it's two and a half years of farting yeah yeah yeah that's uh oh man so where and
you're in an apartment now or i'm in a loft now oh wow i know a fireplace i'm moving up to a deluxe
apartment do you have you used a fireplace?
Yeah, I use it all the time.
Is it wood burning?
It's gas. You just turn it on.
I set up some pillows in front of it.
I had a book of the day.
It was fantastic.
Who are you, Ernest Hemingway?
You read a book or you burned a book?
I read a book.
Wow. I burned a book in the gas what temperature uh do books burn at um the temperature of fury and properness um is that a word properness what i just said i was going for fahrenheit 451
oh yes yeah sorry we're not as well read as you.
Yeah, well, I read the cover of it.
Archie's 13.
But when we, right before we started this podcast,
the background on my computer is Jamie Foxx
with his hair parted in the middle
and wearing a bunch of crazy clothes, playing the cello.
It's a poster for the movie The Soloist.
In which he goes full Rita.
Sure.
And we wanted to say something about that.
I think we all can weigh in a quick opinion about this film,
but I think we started, Chris had something immediate.
I did have a,
because I saw the picture right away,
but my understanding is the film's been pushed back.
Yes.
Has it?
Okay.
You know,
not that I really care,
it already fucking matters.
But I was talking to my mom about Jamie Foxx
because I don't really care for Jamie Foxx that much.
And I mean,
I like Robert Downey Jr.
I don't really watch a lot of movies,
but I thought,
well, it looks like a piece of crap.
And so I was talking to my mom one day, and she's like,
oh, have you seen that ad for the new movie with Jamie Foxx, The Soloist?
And in my head, I'm like, yeah, yeah.
So I said, yeah, that fucking movie.
And she goes, doesn't it look amazing?
I was like, no, it looks like a piece of shit but how many times you've been caught in that kind of thing where somebody says have you heard of this thing and you're like
I don't know this person that well so I'm not sure can I make fun of it where are they going
with this that they love it it's their favorite. They want to make fun of it. Because I've done that before.
I was watching the OC with somebody.
No, not the OC.
The Hills.
The Hills.
The Hills.
And I was making fun of it.
I was just tearing the shit out of it.
And then I realized the person I was watching it,
one of the person I was watching it with,
really liked it.
Like, actually liked the characters and stuff.
And I was like, oh. I've been eviscerating this show for the last 22 minutes.
Like, just, oh, yeah, look at this.
So what a slut.
But, like, really, like, she knew all the characters and stuff.
Oh, man, I felt terrible for everybody.
Yeah.
Including Heidi Montag.
yeah including heidi montag um well my thing with the soloist is it looks uh it's like the intermittent windshield wiper movie but with cellos
yeah or it's it's pay it forward but with cellos
uh and i think the reason they it was supposed to come out last year around like award season.
And they pushed it back, I think, because they were afraid it would win too many awards.
That's right.
They were afraid that it would dwarf the competition.
Remember last year when Seven Pounds came out?
And like all the time leading up, was like seven pounds is gonna be one of
the oscar contenders did anybody find out what the seven pounds meant uh no oh so nobody saw it no
because i still don't know anybody who's seen it that's a will smith yeah yeah that's how british
people measure weight oh no stone is how they measure weight he's's 2'7 pounds. He's 14 pounds. It's stone.
I don't know.
I think the thing with the
soloist is
first of all, I
think some time ago I said
my theory about how I didn't feel
it was right since Robert
Downey Jr. was the one who delivered that
speech in Tropic
Thunder about going full retard
that he should ever again appear
in a movie where somebody is going full
retard. I think he goes full
schizo. Yeah, but
you see the picture and it's easily
They're inter-tartable?
No, I don't feel good about that.
Maybe Downey Jr. doesn't consider that to be full of retard.
Yeah.
He's like, maybe even personally, he's like, I have a level.
But that's not it.
But with this guy, Jamie Foxx, like this week, he said a thing about Miley Cyrus, right?
And then he recanted it the next day.
On his deathbed.
He's got no conviction, but he said on a talk show, he was like,
well, I'm like, you know, I do a radio show and I'm like the black Howard Stern.
I'm like, first of all, Howard Stern is enough Howard Stern for all races.
We don't need different races of Howard Stern.
He's got it covered.
And secondly, Howard Stern would never apologize to Miley Cyrus if he said that.
Never.
Not in a million years.
You're no more Howard Stern than I am a Howard Stern.
I'm like a white Howard Stern, Dave.
I'm like a Howard Stern in a hat.
Can you imagine?
Good Lord.
Anyway, so the soloist. We'll make make a date we'll all go see it's a
plan yeah what's going on with you dave um oh last night uh you're kind of under the weather
i am a little under the weather so i hope it comes through yeah in my vocal panache.
Timber?
Yeah.
Alan Key?
My attack and decay.
But last night, well, not last night.
I recorded Carson Daly last night.
There's no reason for that, is there?
Oh, was Jamie Foxx on it?
No, this British band called The Duke Spirit were were on it and i like them and so i
recorded it and i've never i've seen like the beginning of the show now have you seen this
show i've never watched carson daily okay it's uh it's on after jimmy fallon i used to record
conan o'brien and so i would catch like the first three minutes i would never watch it but i would
but just as kind of a primer for anybody because probably a lot of people haven't seen the carson daily show it's like if they just
kind of gave a guy who's not he's not funny or engaging but they kind of still had like the
camera crew for an hour okay gotcha so they were like well i'll just put a guy behind the desk and
we'll give them that it's only a half hour oh only a half hour. Oh, it's not even an hour.
Yes.
Does he have a monologue?
Well, he used to.
He used to date Tara Reid.
And Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
J-Lo-Who.
J-Lo-Who.
I like it. Yeah, it used to be in uh new york and it had a studio and an audience and there were like people
who would come in and do segments from what i could tell yeah of the three minutes of the monologue i
would fast forward through uh but now it's in la. There's no studio.
And he's just walking around on the street and he throws to segments.
Oh, that's the new way that they do it?
That's his new format.
So it's like Zed TV.
Sure, yeah.
Zed TV.
But he's in the segments.
Oh, he's in the segments.
Yeah, it's like here's an interview I did with whoever.
Who hosted Zed TV? it depended actually oh it was kind of rotating yeah i uh zed tv for anybody who doesn't know is
it was a cbc how many years did it run a couple years i think it ran like maybe like three seasons
something like that and it was like kind of a bunch of like, what is like short films or music, all sorts of,
all sorts of things.
Yeah, they had a whole bunch.
They had like a film one and a music one
and then another one.
Right.
On something else Canadian and artsy.
And it was on CBC,
but like late at night.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was on like at midnight.
And I feel bad for saying
because I have a friend
who was one of the hosts of one of those shows.
No, you know,
and I had tons of friends
who had stuff on it. I was on that that as well were you i was on that but i have to
prefer i mean i have to say it was a really bad show i could it had the potential to be really
good no the idea behind it was fantastic but it seemed like one of those things where like we're
gonna do everything with a show instead of doing like one kind of thing like pretty well they were like we're
gonna have every possible thing and so when you would watch it you'd watch like you'd see a short
film that you really like you're like i like that and then the next thing would be some like crazy
jug band you're like well i don't like that or you'd be watching a short film that you hate
and and you'd realize oh it's not that short of a film. That's true.
It's a 40-minute short film you don't like.
Yeah, exactly.
And then, like, somebody, you know, I don't know.
It was a good idea until the CBC kind of got a hold of it.
Okay.
That's the way I kind of look at it.
It's almost like anything on the CBC.
No, you're not.
With the exclusion of Little Mosque on the Prairie.
Surely.
I don't even know what that is.
Oh, really?
So are you a gentleman that is not a regular TV viewer?
I don't have a TV right now.
I'm not anti-
You have a fireplace.
I'm not anti-TV.
I'm between TVs.
I'm not anti-TV, but yeah, it's true.
I do have a fireplace.
Yeah, just watch that.
Well, people buy those tapes when they watch the fireplace.
I got a real one.
Fuck it.
But back to Carson Daly.
Please.
I was watching his show, and it suddenly became very sad because he doesn't have an audience.
He's all by himself.
And he said, tonight's our 1,000th episode, so we're celebrating that.
And he's celebrating with no one.
And it was like... That was like my thousandth birthday yeah it's like if you're with a girl on a date and she said oh by
the way today's my birthday oh my god have you ever had that happen before where you're with
somebody maybe it's somebody you know you know somewhat casually or maybe not at all.
And you find out it's their birthday somehow through the conversation.
Have you had that happen before?
It somehow rings a bell.
Has that ever happened to you?
Usually, I just miss their birthday.
Oh, okay.
So you're like, oh, well, happy birthday.
Happy birthday from last week.
Yeah, yeah.
I didn't call you i had a i had an incident a couple years ago with a guy that was
kind of worked very short term in the the warehouse i was working in and i guess he was having a
really bad day and you know how you just kind of end up blocking out somebody they start complaining
too much and you're just like yeah just you you let them talk but you don't listen you know because
they just need something to vent again but then i tuned out and then when i tuned back in he goes
and it's my birthday and then i was like oh shit like i really should have been listening to
whatever preceded that you know all i caught was him being in a vaguely bad mood and then
like five minutes later it was his birthday his birthday yeah so
i felt fucking terrible you can imagine how i felt about carson daly yeah no i mean that's what i'm
saying um and what did you do do you call him but he would come back from commercials and they kind
of made it into a bit of a like an anniversary show okay like they'd come back from the commercial and uh they show a clip of alicia keys and it
would just go back to him on the street by himself saying what a great moment i'll never forget that
so nobody so they've taken away his studio i think what they did and they moved him to a new city i
think what they did is like it was the kind of thing where oh like he still has a year left on his
contract but we don't want to have him anymore what can we do to make him uh just walk away
and how much do we have to humiliate yeah and he just wouldn't take the hint that's what i think it
is yeah no you're probably dead on that's uh oh man that's sad now i'm all bummed out unless they spun it like it's a new
concept that's how how he's spinning it is that how he's spinning it yeah here's a weird thing
that i don't watch uh as just as a general thing i don't watch like anything like american idol or
whatever because i don't i don't even enjoy it on that like uh ironic level like i just don't but the the thing that i saw as i was
flipping past the channel and i flipped back because it was so out of context was quentin
tarantino was on american idol last night yeah so that doesn't make any sense because he was
mentoring these singers yeah what is that about i think it was just they... Is he over now?
He's done.
Quentin Tarantino, that's...
No, he's got a movie coming out.
Yeah, but I think that must be...
That's a sign of bad things if he's got to go and do that.
No, I think he's the kind of guy who's down for anything.
He once directed an episode of...
Well, two episodes of CSI.
Okay. One episode of, well, two episodes of CSI. Okay.
One episode of The Jimmy Kimmel Show.
So he won't say no to anything?
Yeah, and he's directing the new season of Carson Daly.
Watch for the part where Carson Daly gets eviscerated.
But he, yeah, it was because I think they're doing,
it was all about soundtrack songs
like famous songs from soundtracks
so he's an expert
he's an expert on
have you ever really loved a woman from Don Juan
to Marco
but this is like
I mean
you know sure okay when Barry Manilow
does it yeah
absolutely I flipped past it and I saw that and I was like well I guess that's you know, sure, okay, when Barry Manilow does it, yeah. Absolutely.
I flipped past it and I saw that
and I was like, well, I guess that's...
There was a point in time where I really, really
liked Quentin Tarantino.
I think anybody
who, I don't know, anybody
who ever kind of wanted to be a filmmaker at some point
liked Quentin Tarantino, I think,
who was a boy. You?
No. I never liked his films. Not at boy you no no i never liked his films not
at all i never liked his films they didn't have enough farting jokes right or kung fu action
that's all the movies see that's all the movies i really uh watch so what would be your favorite
movie for like the two together farting jokes and oh that's super easy my favorite movie of all time is police academy 4 citizens on patrol do you know who he's uh playing with i absolutely do actually i uh we
talked on the phone actually about this because we were okay because when you guys were talking
about michael winslow and you're saying what if he didn't do the sound effects yeah and i can tell
you that in police academy 4 there is a scene when he clearly does not do the sound effects oh really yeah um there's a
scene which um and nobody's gonna know the fucking character names by me no zed is the one guy i
remember isn't zed zed zed yeah tackleberry high tower oh my god you guys are good what about tits
mcgee what's yeah what's her name uh sergeant call. Callahan, there's Mahoney. Mahoney.
Who's the bad guy?
Yeah, yeah.
It could be Commandant Mouser or...
Lessard.
Lessard's a good guy.
Yeah, you're right.
Or Harris, Lieutenant Harris,
depending on which movie it is.
With Proctor.
Are these...
Proctor!
He's the dumb guy who would always screw up.
He's the greatest part of the movie.
Watch them again. I got the whole collection.. He's the greatest part of the movie.
Watch them again. I got the whole collection.
Anybody who's listening can come to my house.
We can watch all seven of them. On my fireplace.
They appear at you like a spirit animal.
I'm a Mahoney.
Now I understand there's a part in citizens on patrol where
that's right so uh hightower and tackleberry they're trying to scare the new recruits who's
like a big fat guy and two skinny guys oh yeah i think one of them is david spade too
he was the skateboarder he was a skateboarder and i think i think he's one of these kids i
can't remember correctly which is weird because i've seen this movie a million times but uh they play like a voodoo chant and uh anyhow they're trying to
scare these kids and they have a michael winslow is jones or whatever he does like a machine gun
sound with his mouth yeah except that it's clearly a recording of a machine gun he does it into a
megaphone is that right uh he might actually there's there's definitely a scene
Where he does it into a megaphone
One where he's in a police car
And the car's getting
It's like in the middle of a riot
And so he just does that sound into the megaphone
And people run away
Maybe it was just single gunshot
No it was single gunshot sounds
But it was clearly like
Yeah it was clearly not a guy's voice it was like a recording
of it he's just that good though yeah man oh man you know there's a guy in uh in bc that does
uh he's like a localized version of michael winslow and all he does he doesn't do sound
effects in general but he does uh like automobile or he does different
airplanes sound effects does this guy have a job doing this yeah yeah yeah he's huge because he
does he does like a note for note perfect impression yeah he doesn't do it for like
video games yeah no he does it uh he does like a note for note perfect impression of a Harley Davidson motorcycle.
Which has got to be a lot of fun.
And so he plays like motorcycle rallies and stuff.
And people apparently, from all I've heard, people like he's a legend in that.
Wow.
He's carved out this niche, but everybody knows him.
And he's the, they call call him i think it's called the
harley guy is that but his his uh his tagline on his headshot is your eyes won't believe what your
ears will see or some weird thing like that like it's kind of like a backwards thing where you're
like well that's not either thing that your ears used to. That's a pretty niche market.
It's crazy because he does this one
really great
impression,
but not of a thing.
It's of a thing that you're like,
you would never think of him
impersonating it. But he does it.
And he can do a plane and a lawnmower
and a car.
Just different buzzes. Yeah, different motors. He can do a plane and a lawnmower and a car just different buzzes yeah different
motors different motors you can do it there's a hummingbird a bumblebee
uh gray gray yeah yeah oh man i i without even thinking i'd call you that it's a term of endearment i assume uh yes it is uh and uh i want to get to know you
there's nothing to know really uh that's all i've all i've been doing the last little while
is just working that's that's my been my whole uh etc there's been no i haven't even trying to
reach back like several days ago and like literally all I've been doing is just working,
and my taxes are all fucked up, so I've been doing taxes.
Taxes and working, like an old man.
Yeah.
And there was a baby at the office.
Here's the thing.
Here's the thing that I'm wondering.
Do you like babies?
Do you enjoy their general existence?
Yeah, I think they're all right yeah i prefer i prefer further away from me than closer okay so now why what's that based on do you just find them kind
of annoying or what is it i do find them kind of annoying okay fair enough dave i i'm more um
afraid i will break them okay so you so you're like, it's like,
here's my Fabergé egg.
Oh, maybe you should hold on to that.
That's a nice baby.
Yeah, I'm not gonna...
I don't wanna hold it.
No, this is...
That is...
I'm kind of in between the two.
Like, I'm kind of afraid of hurting the kid,
and also I'm kind of just not interested
in even having it around.
I don't find them outwardly annoying.
But my boss or one of my bosses at work brought in her kid for like the last hour of work.
It was a super cute kid.
And Charlie, who I work with, he's like kids love him.
He loves kids.
He was just having the time of his life.
But I was just anytime he brought the kid near me, I was like, I just, you know, it
was like somebody was offering me a joint and I was a 12-year-old trying to stay on
the straight and narrow.
Sure.
I was just like, nah, I don't want it.
Don't put that kid in your mouth.
Exactly.
Users are losers.
But I feel like...
There's no hope with dope?
Yeah, well, I definitely feel that.
But I also feel like there was a contingent
that was automatically into the kids
and would pick them up and play with them.
Yeah.
And then there was kind of another contingent
that just didn't even know what to do with a kid.
And I definitely fall in the latter.
How old was this kid?
10 months, I think.
10 or 11 months.
Too young.
Too young for what?
To leave the house.
Yeah?
Yeah.
To stand up.
I like them until they can stand up.
Huh?
I like them until they can stand up.
And then you're done with it.
Once they get mobile, it's just not pretty anymore.
Really?
He was pretty cute.
Like, I can say that.
He was an adorable little kid.
But I just...
I don't have a lot of...
I have no interaction
with children or babies, ever.
Is what I realized today. Like, I'm like,
this is my first time
that I've even been in the proximity of a
baby. Since you were a baby.
Yeah, since the
other people around me were also...
They were my peers. what were the people who are
into babies were they maybe parents themselves or maybe had proximity to babies everybody else
what is in the same uh kind of a general social boat that i am like they don't have kids or
they're not a lot older than me like we're all generally in the same kind of thing.
So it makes me feel like I'm some kind of weird ice man.
But I'm not like a cool ice man.
Right.
You're not Mr. Freeze.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, I kind of feel like it's when you...
I'm not good at meeting grown-ups either.
So when you meet a baby, it's like...
It's just the same.
It's awkward.
Are you the same way, Chris?
Do you feel like it's...
Or you just find them just generally,
you're like, I'm just not interested?
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm not really interested in kids.
Some people, I really think,
is I sell kids' shoes.
That's really awkward.
This is good. kids some people are really good things i can sell kids shoes that's really awkward kids i just yeah i've never been into kids really in the same way i had a phase but here's the thing like uh when i was a teen yeah so i was into young adult fiction you you
but you have interaction with kids on a somewhat regular
basis. On a very regular basis, yeah.
So that's, to me, that's a whole
different thing. Well, I gotta fucking fake
it all day long. But you
have, like, I'm not around kids
ever. So, like,
they feel like I might as well have been hanging out
with an alien today for all
the kind of, I don't know,
what do kids do, you know?
Well, I think the thing
with kids is I always said
when I,
you know,
I mean,
I've been selling shoes
for a long,
long time.
That's the best.
Oh, man.
Well,
it's,
you know,
I went to art school.
Yeah,
I kind of always decided
like a long time ago
when I was starting
to sell kids,
people would say,
oh,
I always used to piss me off
and people would talk down to little kids. Yeah. You know, they'd be like, oh, blah, blah, blah. So I I was starting to sell kids, people would say, oh, it used to piss me off when people would talk down to little
kids. You know, they'd be like, oh,
blah, blah, blah. So I said, okay, when kids,
people, kids, they're like little adults,
you shouldn't talk down to them. When I see kids
that come to the store, I'm going to talk to them like
adults. Sure.
It doesn't work. Yeah.
You can't talk to them like adults.
And I think that's kind of what... I took this huge
shit today.
They don't understand.
My mom cleaned out my diaper too.
When you're at work selling shoes,
do you have to hide the arm tattoo?
No.
No?
I gotta say, kids like the tattoos.
Kids like the piercings.
Oh, that's you.
Because for listeners at home, you have kind of a goatee.
Thank you for calling it a goatee.
That is what it is.
It's a Van Dyke, isn't it?
Oh, it is.
Yeah, it is kind of Zapp-esque.
But also people can't see that I'm Asian, so partially Asian.
So the fact that you call it a goatee is a generous assessment.
And a kind one.
Oh, no, yeah, yeah. Because compared to your go goatee my goatee is feeling a little
emasculated right now but you have a goatee you have like kind of a uh it's a lip piercing and
that two lip piercing yes and a big big tattoo on the forearm it goes yeah it's from the so this is
probably something kids like a kid would uh unless both of their parents were artist types,
they would never have met somebody that has the look.
Kids don't really mind it.
I mean, old people mind it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kids point and will embarrassingly ask their parents questions.
I'll see them pointing at my arms or pointing at my face.
What's wrong with him?
Yeah, which is okay because now I can laugh about it because that same thing used to happen to me when i had bad acne as a kid
whatsoever so kids kids like it yeah they do especially if they're young enough they will
try and grab on the piercings when i was a little kid i remember seeing a guy at a swimming pool
with a giant mullet and thinking that it was the best
fucking thing i've ever seen i remember him getting like he got out of the pool and then he
like shook his head back and forth and i was i remember it happened in slow motion yeah for me
it did in my memory it's still in slow motion kids love mullets oh it was amazing it was like
seeing a lion come out of the water i was just like when i was eight i used to go to the hairdresser and i used to always tell her to leave my sideburns
because that's the only word the only word that i knew they're related to hair i'm like yeah i
can't leave my sideburns i still can't grow a fucking sideburn no no neither can i man i'm
cursed with it you can grow a sideburn okay i. I can grow anything. Yeah, you got it.
I am woman.
Hear me roar.
Yeah.
You're like the Dylan McKay of this group.
Sideburns.
90210 Dylan McKay?
Okay.
Or Dylan McKay from fiction.
Do we want to move on to...
Overheards.
Overheards. do we want to move on to overheard
overheard
overheard
before we start we were talking about
lightning fast trains
I don't feel uncomfortable
not talking about it now that we had such a dialogue
because
of course you brought up I don't know how did you bring it up that we had such a dialogue uh because uh of course you brought
up i don't know how did you bring it up that obama had proposed like this oh because i was
talking to my dad uh about we're trying to okay it's a long boring political conversation but
what it came down to the point was i said to my dad they're going to build a lot of trains
in the world and they're going to take us places at super high speeds and he said yeah you're full of shit and uh then i found out on the radio today
obama is going to build this super fast uh train network all across the states that's great which
is awesome you were saying but he you heard somewhere there was a train that went from new
york to shanghai in two and a half hours.
They haven't built this train yet. They're not hiding it.
But it's a theoretical train.
Led by a theoretical reindeer.
Do you talk politics
with your dad?
Nope.
It's just that one conversation?
Me and my dad generally we have a very base sense of humor. So most things are kind of a thing? Nope. No? It's just that one conversation? Me and my dad generally
we have a very base sense of humor
so most things are kind of
you know. A lot of fart jokes.
A lot of fart jokes. Nice.
A lot of bad humor. We never talk politics
unless trains come up.
Oh, I see. Okay, so it wasn't a
political conversation. No, no, no.
Long family of conductors.
Really? No, not really. not oh my god that would be
amazing um but overheards uh did you become prepared with an overheard you know this is
the thing i uh i have zero overheards i have some overseens okay um uh it's funny because when i
guess i've been scheduled to kind of be here
for like a month and a half
and ever since that time
I've been out
wandering and looking for
becoming observant
you know
growing a consciousness
growing a goatee
to help me
and I've come up with absolutely
nothing in terms of hearing things
sure but in seeing things i saw a couple things which i thought were i mean maybe
even the stupid kids who come into your stupid kid shoe store don't say anything overhearable
no they don't say any of the darndest things at all no they don't they don't
i've had a couple of kids
fart in the last week
and that's kind of
as far as...
Enough with the farts.
They were our first...
It wasn't the very first joke.
Musical instrument.
Yeah, that's true.
So,
so you're overseens?
I got...
I got overseen and I got got two actually i think two that are
decent decent overseens that ones are good um first one i was at getting off at the stadium
sky train station um which for anybody i guess doesn't live in vancouver is kind of close to
crackton yeah yeah yeah it's a very cracky kind of... It's kind of, yeah.
I've seen a lot of things at that SkyTrain station.
It's probably one of the most weirdly populated SkyTrain stations
because it's kind of on the cusp between...
Especially if there's a sporting event going on,
then it's like hobos and junkies and sports fans!
The perfect mix for a weekend party.
I was getting off the train to go to the tnt supermarket
to buy my asian food sure and uh i'm walking off the train and both trains are in the station so
i'm in one heading east one pulled in going west so i'm walking towards the exit and down the other
platform the train uh just pulled in the doors open up and these three russian girls
uh run off the train they must have been like 18 or 19 and they're kind of like doing that thing
that girls do when they get excited like they're kind of huddled together and running around each
other and they're kind of giggling and laughing and i'm getting close and i can and i figured
out the russian dogs i figured out the r Russian because I'm walking closer and I hear all this
Russian being yelled
in the SkyTrain station
from one of the trains
and it's like
and I'm walking closer
and I'm trying to figure out
what the fuck's going on
because I have my
my headphones on
yeah
so
so I'm walking closer
and I'm
this Russian's getting
super loud
there's a guy
standing
in the doorway of the
sky train like blocking it with his feet so it can't close and he's standing there
yelling at these girls and russian and pointing at his dick
and the weirdest thing was that when i was walking by i realized i know the dude
it's super awkward really yeah and i was walking by i was realized I know the dude. It makes it super awkward.
Really?
Yeah.
And I was walking by and I was like, oh my God, it's Leon.
And he was so happy.
The look on his face was like ecstasy.
He was so happy.
I walked right in front of him.
He didn't even see me.
In my head, I was like, I should really say something.
Could Dolph Lundgren play him in a movie?
Were the girls running to his dick?
No, I think they're running from his dick.
Oh, wow.
I've had that before.
I heard a news story, or I read a news story.
Apparently in Moscow, there's just roving dogs all around the city, and they've learned to take the subway.
Wow.
What?
to take the subway.
Wow.
What?
That's like that movie Planet of the Apes, except with dogs.
Like it starts
fairly innocuous. They learn how to use
the train system.
But they've figured out
which cars
have the fewest people, so they're always on the first
and last cars.
And they know what times of day have fewer people.
They're on their
reading newspapers with Fedoras.
This grind
is really killing me.
Oh, man.
That's beautiful. Where would they go?
Like a dog park they go to?
Different parks, different bones.
Now that I think of it,
it may have been a joke story,
but I'm pretty sure
it was legitimate. Sounds like my
super train. There was a story, though,
from Russia. Was that a joke
story about the train going from New York
to Shanghai? No, that was a real story about the train
going from New York to Shanghai. How could it?
Magnets. Super magnets.
Super duper magnets.
But it's so far away and there's oceans and continents in between.
Well, I think it would be difficult to build it.
Right.
Yeah, nobody's saying this is going to be easy.
It's going to happen.
Yeah.
But it won't be easy.
It's going to take some sacrifice.
Wow.
Yeah, because there was a story from Russia about a guy
with love
that he had a spruce tree
growing in his lung.
When I first read it,
I thought it was a gag story, but then it was picked
up and there was actual footage
of the guy's, like what had come
out of his lung. And sure as shit,
it's a little tiny spruce tree.
I thought you were going to say
a spruce tree
it was taking
this subway
I was like
oh
this train
is going to be
in Russia
this is fucking
incredible
I gotta go
that's
what a fantastic
advertisement
that would be
for like
Russia tourism
is there's just
like a crazy train
with spruce trees
and dogs right on it.
We'll take you to New York in two and a half hours.
Come live in a cartoon.
Russia.
Soviet Union. Spruce tree takes
train.
You observe.
Graham?
Overheard?
Yeah, I have an overheard that was just a real
kind of quick back and forth between.
It was the checkout lady and a customer, I guess, that she knew at Save On Foods.
That's always annoying when they have a pre-existing relationship.
And I had my earphones in, but the conversation was going on so long, and I was short and overheard.
So I was like, well, let's see if I pick up up anything and i listened to the conversation for like a good five minutes
about the baby and whatever and at uh at one point the lady said well i mean the main thing is
that the baby's healthy and then the the other lady who had had the baby said uh yeah uh 10 toes 10 hands
it was just it was that was it that was the little uh blurb that i sat through five minutes
of conversation for so they weren't she wasn't a zoologist talking about an octopus no but i just
thought in my head,
wouldn't it be great if she was like,
what, is it an octopus?
And then you would have still had been wrong.
You still would have been off.
Unless it was a squid.
You're right, they got the extra two tentacles.
No doubt about it.
Mine is an overseen as well.
Abby pointed this out to me.
Vancouver's in the midst of a gang war.
Gwar.
Yeah, a gang war.
We haven't
been hit here
yet. Yeah, you and I.
Yeah.
Our gang is small time.
Yeah.
We don't traffic drugs. No. We traffic lar time. Yeah. We don't traffic drugs.
No.
We traffic larves.
Yeah.
And love.
Anyway.
Yeah, so I saw some gang graffiti.
Now, the big gang in Vancouver is the Red Scorpions.
Well, the big gang in Vancouver is the UN.
The Red Scorpions was like an offshoot gang.
Okay. Yeah. Like the League of Nations.
Uh, yes.
Yeah. That's historically
inaccurate.
Like, say, UNICEF.
Yeah, UNICEF.
And then I saw this gang graffiti
in my neighborhood
and it's from
some other gangs, some more famous
gangs. It says the following
Crips are
goofs
signed
bloods
That's actually
a store where you
pick up your Crips supplies
Crips are goofs
Is that a period in between the R and are goofs. It's got the backwards R. Is that a
period in between the R and the goofs?
It's a middle name.
And then somebody's name is Crips are goofs.
That seems more like kids just
That's not
really bloods out there
making graffiti. No, of course not.
No, that's the greatest
non-blood graffiti.
But did you ever do that
when you were a kid? The hand thing?
Oh yeah, with the spelled blood.
Now here's my thing.
And I can't confirm this one way or another because I'll never know.
But that's not a real thing,
was it? Is that a real thing?
Apparently it was a real thing.
No, I'm moving this microphone too much.
The sea walk is a real thing. What? No, I'm moving this microphone too much. Like, the sea walk is a real thing.
What's the sea walk?
Is that the crypts?
The crypt walk.
Which is, you know, like,
it's some fucking dance thing
that gang members do.
And there was a bee walk, too,
for the Bloods.
They had a walk as well.
And then it became a dance phenomenon
because everybody likes,
I don't know, murder?
That's how the Monster Mash started.
The werewolf had a dance
and Frankenstein had a dance.
Became a graveyard smash.
The Bloods gang sign is...
The Bloods.
It was very complex.
It takes so long to put it together.
The B, the L, the O.
And you always make a dumb face when you do it
because you're trying to figure it out.
Yeah.
But who would come up with that
bloods you know what i would have done if it was my gang i would have gone like this what finger
isn't already a finger for a thing i would have been like there's there it is ring finger out
sideways this is my like that there like that yeah that's my gang there we go That's not a thing. And now it's a thing.
We're drinking a fancy cocktail.
It's the pinky finger.
Middle finger is like a new wave
kind of give you the finger.
You're number one or I'm pointing at something.
Pick up that thing.
Thumbs up.
There's hang loose.
There's live long and prosper. And then this. So the ring finger. And there's also, there's Hang Loose. There's Live Long and Prosper.
Live Long and Prosper.
And then this thing is the Dane Cook thing.
Yeah, the super finger, the Sufi.
The Sufi.
This is the Shocker.
The Shocker.
Two in the pink, one in the stink.
Come on now.
I got relatives that listen to this.
They're in France.
Both of my parents are in France well then my parents
are in France
do you
Chris
you have another
overseen
I do have another
overseen
this one actually
happened to me
I passed by
yesterday morning
and today
maybe it's
maybe it's not that funny
but I thought
I thought there were
things that were
kind of funny about it
I was walking to work
and there was these signs
posted up on the street corners that had something um i don't remember the first line was but it was
something like uh something about employment and then underneath it said uh prejudice against
caucasians whoa and then it had this paragraph written that was like are you a caucasian have
you been prejudiced against the workplace like call this number or whatever and i was looking at it and I was like, that's so fucking weird.
Has reverse racism or racism, anti-racism has gone so far,
people feel so open to make fun of white people now,
that it's totally flipped.
It's completely flipped.
And now white is the new black.
I don't know if it's completely flipped,
given that the richest people in the world are still white right we sure are but we're getting to the point where somehow like it did get
there was like kind of a switch somewhere where it became that the only racial group that it was
absolutely okay but i guess like well what are you gonna do right like who else are you gonna
make fun of make fun of the people who own most of the shit i think we're i think we're still in
a pretty good seat i thought it was weird to see a sign was the sign even was it well made
taken any of the phone numbers off the bottom no somebody wrote go home you fucking nazi on one of them
oh no well that guy's oh no don't bring the nazis into it if you want to go see it it's at uh
seventh and fur okay so what is it it was like he's a lawyer that's taking on cases i don't
think he's a lawyer i think it's just some nutcase like he's a lawyer that's taking on cases i don't think he's a lawyer i think it's
just some nutcase like he's trying to start a club like so he's not that's what i thought
because yeah i thought maybe it's supposed to be like a class act or maybe they just want to get
together and talk about it so it's not like it's not like you can't spell class action without
class act but it's not like dan mcintosh and associates have you been discriminated because
you're white and so it's not that it's it's literally it's just like Dan McIntosh and Associates. Have you been discriminated because you're white?
So it's not that.
It's literally... It's just like...
Are you tired of other races?
Is that basically kind of the message?
I think it's about that whole equal opportunity thing.
Yeah.
Or whatever.
I still don't understand how people are so mad about that.
There's so many things to be mad at.
And it's always funny when people focus on a thing that you're like, that's the thing? are so mad about that. There's so many things to be mad at.
And it's always funny when people focus on a thing that you're like, that's the thing?
There's all this other crazy stuff going on
and people are like,
ah, why do they sell shoelaces that are too big for my shoes?
And it all fucks them up.
I don't understand it.
Okay, listener overheards.
This one actually just arrived.
I haven't had a chance to listen to it.
This is fresh.
Out of the box.
Here we go.
Hey, guys.
It's Brennan calling from Western Massachusetts again.
I was taking a test earlier tonight in a big lecture hall.
It was like 400 people crammed in there.
And as people were kind of finishing up coming in,
this group of guys sits down one row behind me.
And one of them goes, he's making a,
they're talking about how crammed it is,
and one of them's talking to his friends. He goes, oh, if I fart during the exam, you'll be able
to smell it. And a girl in my row, like two seats over, turns around and just gives him
that, ah, what, look. And he immediately snaps out of the joke and goes, sir, well, I'm just
kidding, I'm not going to do it. Everyone does it.
Thanks. Love the show.
Hey, I know you were laughing.
I like that one.
There was definitely a fart involved,
so it's got my vote.
I didn't know we were voting, but...
Yeah, it's like America's Got Talent.
Yeah, thanks.
I enjoyed it. Here's one more. Hey, thanks. I enjoyed it.
Here's one more.
Hey, Dave.
Hey, Graham.
It's Greg from Omaha.
Just calling in with an overheard.
I was at a concert last night, and in the row behind me,
these two girls between acts were talking about,
or one of the girls was telling the other
about this recording artist she'd been on too recently,
and it went a little something like this. he's this amish rapper his name is matt issue hugh you can't understand
anything he's saying but he's so amazing uh that's it
for anybody uh who doesn't catch that reference, he is not an Amish rapper.
He is a Hasidic Jewish rapper.
And not even rapper.
Reggae, I think.
That's who he's talking about, right?
Matt-ish-u-hu?
Yeah.
What is his actual name?
Matt is Yahoo, I believe.
And he is a Hasidic Jew.
But it's reggae.
It's not rap, is it?
Is he toasting?
Is it dub?
It might be dub.
Is there a chance it's dub rap?
I don't think it's...
Maybe.
But I know it's reggae based.
I can make dub with my fingers.
Oh, that's blood again.
Oh, nuts.
Why did they go with the lowercase b?
Thanks everybody for the overheards
if you want to call in overheards
or anything else related
to anything on the show
we have a phone number it's
206-339-8328
it's 206-339-TEET
you were looking to me to repeat it
and then you didn't
have you guys seen that manualist dude on YouTube?
The what?
The guy that plays the songs?
Yeah.
The hand farts?
Oh, yes.
That guy's incredible.
I want to bring that guy to town.
Could you?
I want to take him to town.
Yeah, you can fucking hire that guy to come play your event.
What would that be like if you hired a guy, he does fart sounds with his hand?
How can we get him
we get motorcycle noise guy
we get Michael Winslow
that wouldn't be bad
actually what would you call that the monsters of
sound effects
farts monsters of sound
effects tour yeah and like
you just bring him where would you do
Thunder Beach Stadium
that's the only place with the acoustics
to handle it.
That would be...
I'd go see that show.
On the last...
The time before...
We're recording this
what's the 16th
today? Yeah, because you're going away
to Halifax, so this is kind of a pre-tape.
But we were talking, how did this come about?
It was Brendan R.
Who might be the same Brendan who just called.
Yeah, and what was the impetus for this?
Was it something that we were...
No, it was just him.
It was just an idea that he came up with,
but it's an idea I don't disagree with.
He wanted to call it the Griswold family mixtape,
which was any mixtape that you put together for a car trip.
But then I thought, just one step further,
why not, it's summer.
Summer is right around the corner.
It is creeping up on us fast.
And furious.
Yeah, you know it.
Tokyo Drift.
What would you put on if you had to put together just a summer mixtape?
I don't mind if it's called the Griswold Family Mixtape,
but what hits of summer?
And this is open to all bumpers to submit what they think would make the best summertime mixtapes.
What started it was that he had been listening to Lindsey Buckingham's Holiday Road.
From the National Lampoon's Vacation.
And then he suggested a bunch of songs that...
What were they
they were all kind of car
travel based
Radar Love by Golden Earring
Hit the Road Jack by Ray Charles
Boys Are Back in Town by Thin Lizzy
all songs about roads
pretty much
my thing is to expand it just into
the good time
summer hits.
Summer hits.
You know, summer fun time hits.
So like Sunshine on My Shoulders, Walking on Sunshine?
No, you don't have to.
But those are two great.
Go more literal.
I want DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, summertime.
But no, anything that conjures up summertime fun, a barbecue, a trip to the beach, some kind of short road trip.
This is the new definition of summer madness.
Yeah.
Like anything like that, we want your suggestions at stoppodcastingyourselfatgmail.com.
But do you have anything for that?
What would be you're out in the park, you're out at a beach there's a blanket
perhaps you're playing bingo it's up to you each blanket related bingo uh possibly so
would these songs that you would pick or would they be songs that you would maybe over here
either or because i can think of a couple of songs that you always over here no what are
ones that you would overhear? That first.
On the fastest train in the world.
I'm thinking, you know that
like Ski-Lo
and OPP by Not Out of My Nature.
Those are songs that...
Those are like summertime favorites.
People always play those at the beach when they're having their barbecue.
Ski-Lo wishes he was a little taller.
He also wishes he was a baller. Yeah, if he was a little taller he would also wish he was he was a baller okay yeah if you had a girl you'd call her um and a rabbit and a hat and a sixth floor
apartment and a bath yeah what uh what would you have if it was not sixth floor apartment
six four impala right yeah what if i lived in a six-floor apartment? Well, because he's
not very tall.
He doesn't get
much of a view.
That's true.
What would you put
on a summertime,
like a fun
summertime mixtape?
A fun summertime
mixtape?
Of your own stuff.
Like, of what
you enjoy.
Actually, it probably
would be the Monster Mash,
actually.
I'd probably put that on there.
That song is never
out of place.
In my heart, you play it at Christmas, you play it at Valentine's Day. Yeah song is never out of place. In my heart,
you play it at Christmas, you play it at Valentine's
Day. I love the Monster MASH.
You play it when the clock strikes 12
New Year's Eve. It's always, to me,
it's always appropriate.
What about you, Dave? Probably Ghostbusters.
What if all the songs
were just Halloween songs?
Ha ha ha!
So, like, mine is
Werewolves of London? Yeah.
I like that. Theme from The Exorcist.
You know what? I do like
Summertime, the Fresh Prince
DJ Jazzy Jeff.
That, to me, is a big
Summertime song. The only time Werewolves of
London works as a summertime song
is when it works as the greatest summertime song of all time
by Kid Rock, also with Sweet Home Alabama.
Yeah.
Summertime, whatever.
But like, you know, I'm trying to think,
what's a good summertime song?
That one by Len.
Oh, Steal My Sunshine. What's a good summertime song? That one by Len. That was...
Oh, Steal My Sunshine.
That's very Canadian.
Yeah.
Super Canadian.
But it's super Canadian, but it's also super summer.
Like, there's no other time of year that you could ever possibly enjoy that song.
It's not appropriate on Remembrance Day.
There's no time of year.
And also, there's really no year you could play it
other than 1998.
That's true.
But if anybody has any suggestions,
because I want to put together
a really good summertime mix.
I want to put it on my iPod
and that's all I want to listen to
while I'm enjoying the summertime
briefly on my walks to and from work
during the entire summer.
All right.
That was pretty good.
Cool.
Oh, also, update on my favorite new show,
The Greatest Warrior.
Yeah.
Last, this week,
there's a show on the channel Spike TV,
which is all very man-based shows.
Did you say man-based shows um last week did you say man-based yeah there's very little uh like a like a land-based conflict
and that's what this is it's a man-based conflict last week it was uh it was a gladiator
a gladiator versus an Apache
Indian.
This week it was...
This is not a reality show then.
No.
No.
What's the opposite of reality?
Fantasy.
This seems like a crazy show.
It's partially reality because they take
historians and scientists and martial artists and stuff.
And they put them in a house.
Yeah.
So last week it was that.
This week it was a Viking versus a samurai.
Okay.
And samurai narrowly beat out the Viking.
What?
Narrowly?
samurai narrowly beat out the viking what narrowly yeah because uh according to just like they they break it down according to jim uh jim belushi is the commentator on the show if you had told me
that i would have watched but uh they break down kind of it's all statistics it's all statistics. It's all science. But the samurai has better armor.
So that's why samurai came out on top.
Really?
That's the only reason?
More or less.
Where are they fighting?
Just kind of a neutral...
On a boat?
Because I vote Viking.
Yeah, they were fighting on a neutral Norwegian boat.
Neutral.
It could have been beneficial to either side.
No, it's just in kind of a very neutral arena.
It wouldn't benefit one or the other.
I'm just surprised they haven't actually turned that premise
into an actual show of getting a samurai and a Viking
to actually fight.
Because that's something that Spike TV would do.
Well, they've come as close as is possible without time travel well basically because they that's
they set up everything except the actual fight mtv the osborne started because mtv cribs did
an episode at the osborne's house and they're like oh they're so colorful let's give them their
own show i think they're just waiting for
two warriors to have such a
chemistry that they get their own show.
Yeah. And they call it
Apache and
the...
I'm trying to think. What's on next
week? I don't know. That's the great
thing about this show is every time I tune in
it's like a super surprise that I
didn't even know it was coming. What do you think it's going to be next?
I don't know. A sumo guy
and a lion? The guy who invented
capoeira.
Todd capoeira. Yeah, Todd capoeira.
And a cowboy.
With guns.
With guns.
Do you guys want to do another segment?
Yeah, sure.
Let's do it.
Well, I can tell you that I'm no good at stunt casting,
but I do have one stunt cast,
which when I heard this movie was getting made,
in my head I convinced myself that this would be
the way the movie was going to be
when it actually came out this way.
It wasn't what I imagined it was.
What?
Garfield the movie. Oh, that's was. What? Garfield the movie.
Oh, that's kind of interesting.
So you feel that you know
better. I know so much better.
As soon as they said Garfield's coming out
of the movie. Alright, well let's stunt cast it.
I'm confused
but we'll play the theme song.
Play the theme song. yourself. Are you an actor? Are you looking for work? Stunt casting. Stunt casting. Stunt.
Stunt casting. Powder. Danny DeVito. Taxi Cab the movie. Danny Glover. Martin Short.
Danny Glover Martin Short
Anyone in the movie
Pure luck
Stunt casting
Okay
Okay
So you've got
Okay so
You before Garfield the movie came out
You had already cast it
Is that what you're saying?
That's exactly what I'm saying
Sure
When it came out
Not even close to your expectations
Not even close
And when it came out in my head I was like oh well the movie's now going to be made right because
this is the perfect choice like these are the obvious perfect choices okay so don't tell us
your choices but who was in the one that was made i know it was bill murray did the voice of garfield
and j-lo hue jennifer love hewitt was not one of the characters from the comic strip.
She was just a love interest.
No, she was the veterinarian.
Okay.
Who played John?
Brecken Meyer.
Who's Brecken Meyer?
Am I right?
Or was it French Stewart?
No, I don't know if it was
French Stewart.
He played something, didn't he?
Oh, he played Inspector Gadget.
That's right.
And was it Jason Lee or was he an underdog?
Wait, no, he didn't play...
No, Jason Lee was in Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Wasn't it Matthew Broderick as Inspector Gadget?
They both were.
He was in the first one.
Friends Stewart played him in the sequel.
Wow.
I'm looking up Breckenmeyer.
Garfield, he plays John Arbuckle.
So who is he?
Is that a picture of him there in the chef hat?
No?
What else has he been in? He's been in a couple
other things. He's been in Road Trip.
Oh, yeah. He was in
Clueless. He was in Can't Hardly Wait.
Yeah, maybe.
So that's John
Arbuckle. That's John Arbuckle.
So I'm right about Breckenmire.
Yeah, you were right about Breckenmire. But that you were right. You were right about Breckenmire.
But that's the thing is that I honestly think my choices are so definitive
that there won't be much of a discussion because people are going to hear it and just go,
No, but who played Odie?
Just a dog.
Fucking dog.
A real dog.
That's ridiculous.
That's not what you would have done at all.
That's fucking ridiculous.
Okay, so how many characters did you cast before we do this?
Well, that's the thing.
The movie is a very small cast.
There's really only three characters.
Okay.
What are they?
Garfield.
Garfield.
And then John.
John.
And then Liz the veterinarian.
What about Odie?
Not Odie?
Well, Odie doesn't have a voice.
Or he doesn't think.
In your version, would he be played by a dog uh
no he would not be okay wait wait wait what about normal is normal in it yeah what about normal
not in my movie okay all right so you you have four actors in yours uh well only three three
three there is no od there's no od no od he's got john the veterinarian you get michael winslow to do od
no but i'm confused why you're like they had a stupid dog well because he should have been
computer animated like garfield it's like when they did the super mario brothers movie and they
had yoshi as a real fucking dinosaur like this just looks ridiculous also had also had Dennis Hopper as King Koopa. Wrong go. Okay, so
let's take it, let's go
back to front. Veterinarian.
Was that a character in the
Garfield movie that came out?
Yeah. Okay. That was Jennifer
Love Hewitt. Jennifer Love Hewitt would be
played in your movie by
Sally Fields.
Oh, okay. Alright.
Am I to guess that John is a little older than breckenmeyer
in your version yeah absolutely okay so so if if dave i don't know if it's going to be too much
trouble do maybe a side-by-side comparison of a sally field and the veterinarian because i have
no idea if that's a good idea who the veterinar no idea who the veterinarian is. Me neither. I assume she works with animals. That's not a character that I'm familiar with.
And I read Garfield a lot, so.
Yeah, Liz is just a vet.
You know, John would always ask her out on a date.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true.
I would mostly hear him.
But she looked, to me, she looked like John with women's hair.
Like Sally Field.
Yeah.
She's there.
Exactly.
So then John, by proxy, is played by Sally Field with man hair?
With a bald cap.
Yeah.
Is it like that?
I want to just play a guessing game now.
Yeah, okay, okay.
So John is about Sally Field.
Don't tell us.
Okay, we're going to ask questions.
I know, I know.
No, no, no, no.
I have a guess. Is John, does John look like Sally Field, dude, don't tell us. We're going to ask questions. No, no, no. I have a guess.
Does John look like Sally Field, too?
No, no, no.
Is he older?
Matthew Broderick.
He is, well, I'd say older.
Yeah, I mean, he's older.
Was he ever on a TV show?
Yes, he was.
Because I have a feeling
I pictured John in my head
And then all of a sudden I pictured
I got it too
Do you want to say it at the same time?
I can't remember his name
That's my problem
Then we don't have the same person
Wait, wait, wait
Like a recent TV show or an old TV show?
No
I've got the perfect one
I got the perfect one
Okay
I'm not going to be more perfect than mine
Mine was too perfect
No, no, but I'm going to guess yours.
Yeah, that's what we're trying to guess is yours.
Oh, really?
That's it?
Oh, okay.
But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Let me think if I can think of this person's name.
Okay, you say yours.
Okay, on the count of three, we'll say mine.
Okay, one, two, three.
Harry Anderson.
Oh, wow, Harry Anderson.
I was thinking of the lead from Third Rock from the Sun. John Lithgow? Okay, one, two, three. Harry Anderson. Oh, wow, Harry Anderson. That's not...
I was thinking of the lead from Third Rock from the Sun.
John Lithgow?
Yes, John Lithgow.
No.
No?
No, way off.
Harry Anderson?
Is his closer?
Way closer.
No.
Well, closer.
Okay, I gotta say, definitely closer than yours.
Okay, give us another hint.
But not based on the actor, based on the actor. Based on the character.
Based on the character.
He wears shirts.
Exactly. He's a white guy.
He's got brown hair.
He'd look good in brown pants.
He's kind of skinny.
Okay, you want me to tell you?
Judge Reinhold.
Oh, yeah.
Not bad.
You were pretty close because both were judges so that's um judge reinhold very good yeah yeah yeah i thought see i i
automatically in my head i was like judge reinhold john is judge reinhold should be john
but does judge reinhold have the huge drawing power of a Breckenmire?
Now say that you had to cast a Nermal.
Before we get to the big dynamic, who would you cast?
Little gray cat.
Do you mean, you're talking like a voice actor now obviously a famous gray gray cat
well it have to be it'd probably be somebody ridiculous i would hate yeah okay i would say
sarah vowels that wool yeah it's vowel vowelel, Vowel. Singular. Yeah, Sarah Vowel.
I don't even know who that is.
She's a regular, kind of, she was a regular guest on Conan O'Brien.
She's a, I think she's an NPR personality.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's very impediment.
She strikes me as who would play normal.
But, okay, so here it is.
Should we try and guess your Garfield?
No, actually, to tell you the truth, with the Garfield,
I have to say they actually made the right call with Bill Murray.
With Bill Murray?
Yeah.
You know the weird kind of thing about the Bill Murray-Garfield thing?
You know about this?
With Lorenzo Music?
Lorenzo Music, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, we don't even have to say it.
Think about that.
You guys look it up.
Yeah, you guys at home, learn it if you don't even have to say it. You guys look it up. You guys at home, learn it.
If you don't know it.
But who did you have in your mind?
Actually, the funny thing is
Bill Murray was actually the one I had in mind.
Which is when I heard that
the Garfield movie was coming out with Bill Murray
it further convinced me
that they were making my movie all along.
Yeah.
I was like, oh, they're finally making it.
Besides the fact that Garfield the movie
was made, which is weird enough on its own,
is that all
the other animals in the movie look
like normal animals, but Garfield
looks kind of like a cart...
He's got giant eyes and
there's no way that anybody would think he's a regular cat.
So it fucks up the whole
thing. Everybody else has regular dogs and cats and then think he's a regular cat. So it fucks up the whole thing.
Like, everybody else has regular dogs and cats,
and then there's this giant fucking cat with cartoon eyes.
Well, you can't see the cartoon eyes behind the sunglasses.
One more thing before we move on.
The guy who drew Garfield.
Jim Davis.
Yeah, when he drew lasagna.
Have you ever seen a lasagna that looks anything like
what he drew as lasagna?
He probably is done in the history
of artistic depictions of lasagna.
The worst drawing of lasagna
that's ever existed.
Certainly worse than the drawing on the box of lasagna.
Let's stunt cast something for
reels. Okay.
Can I suggest? Go ahead and suggest.
Popeye.
Popeye, oh, so
completely forgetting the Robert Altman
effort? Yeah. Okay.
Alright. A new Popeye.
Okay, so we got
Popeye. We got olive oil. You got
Bluto. You got Wimpy.
That's it.
Little Sweepy?
Who's a good famous baby?
Joel Haley Osmond.
Yeah, Haley Joel Osmond.
Thank you. First, Haley Joel Osmond is Sweepy.
Great.
Good work, Joel.
All right, Wimpy.
Okay.
He's got to be kind of burger-ish.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Doughy.
Dennis Franz.
K.V. Sipowitz.
Put a little derby on him, are you kidding me?
He's the perfect Wimpy.
Is Wimpy really fat?
Yes.
But has a weenie kind of mustache.
A mustache.
Bald.
Jeff Garlin.
Jeff Garlin's not a bad choice.
You know who's got the perfect mustache for it?
Although not fat enough.
Ethan Hawke.
Yeah, Ethan Hawke, you're right about the mustache.
If we could just cast his mustache.
I think I'm going to stand behind Dennis Franz.
Sipowitz for Wimpy.
Okay.
Bluto?
Bluto or Olive Oil next?
I would say Bluto.
Bluto.
Let's go Bluto.
Big.
Big.
Angry.
Hairy.
Bearded.
Seth Rogen.
Tony Shalhoub.
Ooh, too skinny.
Ooh.
James Gandolfini I like that one best so far
he has done bearded
yeah he's totally done bearded
he's done some beard work
he's done some good beard work
who's hairy
Robin Williams
yeah let's leave him out of this
okay oh yeah Who's hairy? Robin Williams? Yeah, let's leave him out of this.
Okay.
Oh, yeah!
I'm satisfied.
Okay.
With Gandolfini. Gandolfini.
All right.
Now, when it comes to olive oil, this is going to be kind of tough because I think really
they hit it perfectly with, what was her name?
Shelley Duvall.y duvall shelly
duvall very unattractive here's here's who i'm gonna throw in uh right off the top and i don't
know her name but the one on um arrested development who played uh the secretary maybe
yeah judy greer with with with dyed black hair tied back in a...
That actually is pretty good.
Can you think of anybody that would be more...
Sarah Bowles?
In a similar vein, maybe a...
What's Ron Howard's daughter's name?
Bryce Dallas Howard?
Is that really? I don't know what she looks like.
The lady in the water? Oh, her!
Yeah. Yeah? Oh, yeah!
She's quite anemic.
Yeah? That's, uh...
I mean, if it's anemic, but you need a kind of
like a... like big eyes.
Angelina Jolie.
That would be
the box office appeal we're looking for she is very skinny
she's got big eyes yeah what do you think Angelina it's the wrong direction I'm telling you
no what do you think what do we gotta go like um Lindsay Lohan is sometimes dangerously thin
yeah yeah yeah that's true what about uh olive oil tall she's tall yeah she's tall oh
yeah yeah she's as tall as bluto is and he's still you gotta find a gandolfini heighted lady yeah
uh should we just do this like a soprano's reunion and have polly walnuts be papa
um this is a downer thinking about this lady Yeah well no she's tall
Big eyes
Sally Fields
Again it's singular
Not in his head
There's many of her
Oh um
Christine Baranski
No I don't care
Anne Hathaway.
Tall, dark hair, big eyes.
She needs to lose 50 pounds.
Yeah, I like it a lot.
Okay, Anne Hathaway.
So now, here it comes.
The big guns.
Joe Rogan. Print it it let's brainstorm this uh
you know who i'm who my vote no no let's brainstorm yeah i'll wait until you've
underbite uh big chin huge biceps no no forearms yeah if they already have the tattoo of an anchor, so much the better.
Bald.
Someone who, maybe with a speech impediment.
I'm going to throw in my vote, and it's really going to be my only vote.
Jason Statham.
I was going to say, Jason Statham.
To me, he's the role he was born to play.
You know who's going to be upset about this?
Sergeant Slaughter.
He's going to be upset all he wants.
This is the Statham Project.
I think as long as we never mention his name again,
I'm fine with casting Jason Statham. I'm fine with you not mention his name again i'm fine with casting jason i'm fine with you not
mentioning his name again but i'm gonna go see crank too and i'm gonna want to talk about it
he's the only guy i've seen actor i've seen in person that actually i got starstruck
yeah bye i would fall over if i saw him i wouldn't know what to me in my eyes and I actually froze on the spot. I bet. Yeah. He's got that look. The Statham
slash Popeye look.
Jason Statham. Blow
him down. In Crank. Stars with
Amy Smart. Yeah. He was in
Road Trip with Breckin Meyer.
It all comes back together. And that's
what I like about this show. Feeds
into itself. Very
nicely.
So I think we're at the end of the road
here. We sure are. Chris, thank you
so much for coming out. Thank you.
Well, really, thanks for coming out.
It's a lot of fun to have somebody
that's kind of from a whole
different area of the
arts. I wouldn't even
say we're really in the arts, but
comedy.
I come from a non-humored end of
the arts world but you what's something that you can promote whereas people who might uh be able
to go and see your stuff you have a website i know that i do have a website um it's chris
vons on bathy.com probably should uh write it on the web page yeah and there'll be a link to it and
look down to your ipod it's right written right there yeah episode title um and uh you are also
you are a visual artist and an audio artist also known as a musician. And are you, is there anything coming up in the next little while for you?
Everything kind of just came out a little while ago.
I'm doing a second book with Drawn and Quarterly,
which is a publisher from Montreal, which should be out.
What an amazing publisher from Montreal.
Yeah, they're an awesome, awesome group of guys.
I don't even know why they're with me
but here we are
I got the skills
to pay no bills
you steal ideas from children
we should play
a song yes
at the end of the podcast
yeah absolutely let's do that
I brought a brand new one for a record
that's going to come out this summer and the record is called uh good for what fails you and your musical endeavor is called
audio audio audio spell three different ways three different ways because tony tony tony
exactly i like my last name i realized when i had my website set up and all my band names
they're all too fucking complicated to spell.
Like I have to give everybody a piece of paper
with it written down. Yeah, yeah. That's why
Yahoo's so popular. Very
easy to spell.
Thank you very much
for coming out and being part of the podcast.
Do check out his website
and Audio Audio Audio's
summertime release. Could be
part of your summertime mix.
It's up to you.
Please do write to us at stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com
with any and all suggestions or overheards
or thoughts about the podcast.
And call us at 206-339-8328.
That's 206-339-BRECKENMEYER.
And if you're listening to this podcast at this point, you've already
missed Dave's appearances
in Halifax, so up
your nose with a Halifax
hoax. Too bad.
But you'll be back
and we'll record another live edition
of this following your
return to Vancouver. Not live, but
live! Yeah.
We have a live show actually coming up.
I believe it's May...
15th?
15th, Friday, the Friday of that week.
I believe it's May 15th.
At the Café du Soleil,
Dave and I are doing a portion of a fundraiser
for a theater group called New World Theater,
and we are doing kind of a half hour
live to tape
podcast. So that'll be
kind of a bonus podcast
for all the listeners out there.
And again,
thank you very much. And I don't know if we've
mentioned the blog yet. Oh, sorry,
we haven't. Go to stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com
to
check out a recap
of this episode
and every episode
and do come back here
next week
for episode number 61
of the enthralling
series of podcasts
that we like to call
Stop Podcasting Yourself ស្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រ� Thank you. I'm out. Thank you. I'm out. Thank you. Thank you.