Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 605 - Kathleen McGee
Episode Date: October 21, 2019Comedian Kathleen McGee returns to talk gambling, broken phones, and long distance bus rides....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka.
And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 605 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's gone full cardigan, Mr. Dave Shumka.
It's real chilly this morning.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's the best.
It's the light cardigan, guys.
It's a sports cardie.
Yeah, it's some people like sports cars.
I got sports car-ities.
We're recording this October 9th. If anyone needs to know that information.
Weather's starting to get a little brisk.
Fall weather.
So nice.
These leaves are changing.
Our bodies are changing.
The blues are calling. Tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
Our bodies are changing.
The blues are calling.
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
And our guest today, she is the co-host of her own podcast with past guest Sean LaComber called the Dead Baby Bear Podcast.
Very funny comedian Kathleen McGee is our guest.
Hello.
Hello.
Thanks for having me back.
Thanks for coming back. I'll always come back.
When were you last here?
Over a year ago. Oh, yeah. Because you skipped back. I'll always come back. When were you last here? Over a year ago.
Oh, yeah.
Because you skipped town.
I skipped town.
Yeah, yeah.
You hopped on a boxcar and we never saw you since.
Have you been back since you moved?
I was back like for one show, but I haven't done any.
But you haven't been back here.
No, I haven't been back here.
Nice to have you back.
Thank you.
I'm back in Alberta where gas is cheap.
I'm sorry.
It pisses people off, but it's thrilling to fill my car up for $30.
And then pour a little out.
Yeah, just for the homies in BC.
Because when you were moving, I remember when you were moving,
everyone's reaction to you moving to Edmonton was, I'm sorry.
Yeah, I know.
You love that joke, don't you?
That's your favorite joke
In the world
I know
You
It wasn't my joke
It was you telling the story
It's true
Everyone hates Edmonton
Everyone hates Alberta
But I mean
I've been back there now
For a year
And I'm pretty impressed
It's a good little town
They have like
This summer they got
E-scooters
Oh they really
They really do have
Oh my god
Valerie got them too
They're hilarious Have you been on one?
I was on one except for, I didn't realize that there were like boundaries where you could take
the scooter. I lived downtown and I thought I could go scoot home and I like hit this one street
and all of a sudden it just started going eight kilometers an hour. But then I'm like, I was
embarrassed to like turn around. So I was was just literally standing on this thing going eight kilometers an hour.
And then I figured out I had to walk it back all the way.
To the zone.
Wow.
It's really inconvenient.
So you live downtown.
Are there scooters downtown?
Oh, yeah.
That's where they mainly are.
But I live in a sketchy part of downtown where they don't want the scooters going
because they'll probably lose their wheels.
The scooter just turns around.
It's like a shopping cart that deactivates when you get out of the parking lot.
That's exactly what it is.
But they're fun.
They're dangerous.
There's some stupid people riding them.
How long has Edmonton had them?
They just came in the middle of summer.
All of a sudden, they just started popping up everywhere.
It's going to be rough in january yeah they're gonna turn them they're gonna put little skis on the bottom yeah and just
like ski around which would be actually really fun yeah a little single blade yeah yeah that'd
be great do we want to get to new us oh yeah so kathleen you were telling us that there's a story behind the name of the Dead Baby Bear Podcast.
And I'm scared.
And Dave's scared.
Because I love all animals.
I love all animals.
And I love all babies.
I love most babies.
Some babies I could do without.
I like those Ann Getty's ones.
Oh, yeah.
In the peapods.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Those little flower pot babies.
Adorable.
They don't know what they're dressed as
is Celine Dion is she involved in that in some way I'm sure they play Celine Dion music at the
photo shoots like is she an investor yeah she might be it seems like something she'd be into
she owns a few things yeah I feel like she might be like an angel investor in Ann Getty's.
Is there not?
Did she not do like a crossover?
Did Ann Getty's do an album cover?
Why am I thinking these two things are related?
She does a francophone version.
Yeah, of francophone flowers.
You go ahead. I'm going to
do a little bit of research. Do some research on
Ann Getty's.
So Sean and I were on tour in BC
And we were driving home through the mountains
This is past guest Sean LaCombe
Past guest Sean
Hilarious human being
Hilarious
My favorite comedian
And so we were driving
Oh it is
Celine Dion and Anne Getty's
She's dressed as a tulip
How did you know that?
I guess it was
in my spank bank.
You just are totally
turned on by women
holding babies
dressed as butterflies.
It's a kink,
but yeah.
It's there.
It's the lady part, though.
I just want everyone to know.
For me,
it's the tulip part.
So you're driving through the mountains.
Driving through the mountains.
And we come around a corner and there's all these car stops where I'm thinking, wildlife, yay.
And then we pass and someone had hit a baby bear.
I know, that was my reaction.
I actually started to cry.
I was really upset.
I was very upset by it.
And of course, Sean is like a guy he doesn't want
to be around a crying woman so he's like get out kick me out of the car
no he was like trying to be funny he's trying to make me forget about it we were joking and
laughing and about an hour later we're driving along and i i had i stopped crying i'd forgotten
about it and uh as soon as he realized i'd forgotten about it, he looked at me.
He said, Kathleen, dead baby bear.
So that's just our relationship.
I think it was.
Yeah.
That's how like our relationship is.
So that's why we decided to call our podcast that.
Because that's a lot.
That's kind of the theme of your relationship.
I guess we're just like we just get stoned and talk.
Yeah.
It's pretty fun.
It's a good time. I like being around crying women yeah yeah where where uh where do you find the there's
that's easily accessible oh boy uh at the nightclub yeah yeah yeah the bathroom of the
nightclub yeah as people are women are leaving the nightclub early. Yep. Carrying their shoes. Yeah.
Weddings are a good place.
Funerals.
I cry at all weddings and not during the ceremony.
Afterwards, when I don't catch the bouquet and I realize I'm still single.
Well, I'm not single, but there's no wedding in my future.
No?
Well, I don't know.
We're both poor.
We can't afford it.
You can just go to City Hall. Yeah, go to City hall and demand the mayor marries you i your i pay your salary you could get married
on those scooters that'd be fun that would be fun go up the island scoot on up scoot on down
get some cans to drag behind it yeah why don't people drag cans behind their car after weddings
anymore that's a good question and why did they do that i remember it used to be i used to always see um like motorcades of
like limousines with flowers on them and you would honk at them yeah why did they stop doing that
i don't know like i don't know why they did it in the first place were they driving from
the i guess people do people go,
I guess the idea was you went,
you got married in a church.
Yeah.
Then you had to drive across town
to a reception place.
And then you wanted every,
maybe just the cans made noise
and drew attention to you.
Well, the cans were,
I feel like the cans
were leaving the reception
as you're like going off
on your honeymoon,
which everyone leaves
from their reception
directly to.
Goes straight to the
airport weddings have really changed yeah it's really changed i was just at a wedding this last
weekend and what what style of wedding was this a big wedding small wedding like a medium i guess
it was at a country club did you cry at the end as we were leaving with no bouquet. Why don't you marry me?
My poor boyfriend.
I'm like,
I just want this ring from Costco.
It's easy.
It's a nice little Costco ring,
but we're, we're still Kirkland signature series.
I just want a Kirkland ring badly.
Is that so bad?
Is that so wrong?
No,
it's great.
They're,
they're a very ethical company.
They treat their employees quite well. Absolutely. I will great. They're a very ethical company. They treat their
employees quite well.
Absolutely.
I support Costco
fully.
You could get a
ring, you could get
your wedding photos
plaque mounted while
you're there.
You could get some
flowers.
You could get a
huge thing of
cauliflower.
Yeah, a tray of
cauliflower.
Instead of flowers,
you get cauliflower.
Or the bouquet of broccolini
yeah no
the wedding was fun
but I was just like
I get very emotional
at the end
because I get drunk
and then I'm like
oh
I've never had a wedding yet
I want to be
the center of attention
you know me
I love being
the center of attention
would you
wear like a traditional wedding dress?
I don't think it'd be too traditional.
Probably some sort of sequin.
Oh.
I've always wanted to have one of those reveal dresses like drag queens have.
You know, like when they're like, it's one dress and then all of a sudden you go like this and it's another dress.
Have you ever seen those?
You undo the overalls.
Yeah.
I am wearing overalls. I'm obsessed with overalls yeah just yeah i'm i am wearing
overalls i'm obsessed with overalls lately oh yeah so comfortable you guys got to get into them
i uh as a as a young tween i wore overalls oh yeah it was uh because you know it was the 90s
yeah they were did you undo one sure your little rapscallion yeah did you have a little uh
slingshot in your back pocket? Yep.
And I walked around saying, whoa, like Joey.
Yeah.
Boy.
A little Dennis the Menace.
But I know a lot of women that love the overalls. They're so comfortable.
I saw another dad in overalls the other day.
I like men in overalls.
Well, you can go find that guy.
Find that guy.
Carhartts.
You know what Carhartts are?
Yep.
I love Carhartts.
What is Carhartts?
It's like what welders wear.
The canvas.
Yeah.
Like khaki canvas duck.
It's very sexy.
Duck canvas khaki.
It sounds weird, but it's sexy.
Is it a jacket?
No, it's overalls.
Oh, it's overalls.
With like the reinforced knees.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah oh yeah yeah and
that's how you know he's got a good job too so that's right blow job any job because any guy
could buy a suit but not anybody could buy car hearts that's a good slogan for you after you
were like when you go to the store you have to show your industry card. Yeah, exactly. But Moors will sell the suit to any, yeah. Moors will sell the suit
to any homeless man.
Yeah,
the,
like,
what,
what would be
your,
your dream wedding?
If you,
if you were planning,
like,
would it be like,
would it be glitzy Vegas style?
Because you're talking
about a sequin
and a reveal dress.
Definitely not.
I,
like,
I still, that sounds weird, glitzy. I definitely just want to go to Mexico and bring a whole bunch of a reveal dress. Definitely not. I still know that sounds weird.
I definitely just want to go to Mexico
and bring a whole bunch of people with me.
Get married in the pool.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
I would get married in the pool.
I would do weird stuff.
I have this idea.
I'm going to put fireworks in my bouquet.
Shoot them off.
That's like a...
Catch this.
She's getting married next, but she she's gonna have to wear an eye patch
she went blind um have you caught a bouquet i have oh god i did i caught a bouquet and i got
a lot of trouble because uh i caught it and i thought in my mind it would be funny to spike
it like a football. That is funny.
Yeah, but I got in a lot of trouble.
Why?
The mother of the bride was furious.
I was in a lot of trouble at the wedding because, I don't know.
Yeah, you weren't invited.
It wasn't invited, it just showed up.
Got the bouquet, spiked it.
But don't spike a bouquet at a wedding.
I guess it'll offend the mother of the bride.
People need to lighten up. I thought it was hilarious. We're here to celebrate. Yeah, I don't don't spike a bouquet at a wedding i guess it'll offend the mother of the bride people need to lighten up i thought it was we're here to celebrate yeah i don't know i always
get a little out of control at weddings though yeah yeah it's because they're too fun yeah and
it's also open bar bar oh what a what a time this one was not open bar it was cash bar but then they
had wine at the table so i was just pouring wine into a pint glass and can we get some more wine?
I'm a frugal wedding guest.
You have a camel back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just chop this up.
Did you, uh, do you dance?
I dance.
Yeah.
I danced with my boyfriend's uncle and he was amazing
oh it was this little guy just like we i can't remember what we were dancing to but he was like
spinning me around this was amazing nice yeah and then i danced with my boyfriend and he was mad
because he's like you're leading i'm like i don't know how to dance yeah like i don't stop dipping me yeah okay i'll put my legs around your waist you can spin me once
the only dance moves i remember like the slow dancing was from like grade eight yeah and the
guy's got the hands on the girl's hips yeah the girl's got her hands on his shoulders and you
move slowly and then when your buddies are looking you pretend to touch your butt this is they taught you that in school i love when you pretend and you didn't
really do it oh come on i'm a gentleman i'm a gentleman i'm a gentle boy i just never grab a
butt i still haven't ever in your life never grabbed a a butt. Oh my gosh. Good for you. I mean,
I'm,
I'm,
your,
your hands are pure.
That's where poo comes from.
His hands clean.
Yeah.
His hands are for Jesus.
Would you grab Jesus's butt?
That's the question.
Um,
yeah,
he,
well,
I mean,
modern Jesus,
he's like a carpenter.
He'd be wearing those car hearts.
Oh,
car hearts.
He totally,
oh yeah,
slip my hand down those car hearts. Slip my hand down Those car hearts
Slip my hand up
The hammer loop
The hammer loop
Oh my god
I love the hammer loop
Um
What was the last wedding
You went to?
It's been years
Oh really?
No wait
Um
The one in Columbia
I think
So it was like
Two years ago
This month Yeah yeah yeah Abby's brother Um How about you? You go all the time No, wait. The one in Columbia, I think. So it was like two years ago this month.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Abby's brother.
How about you?
You go all the time.
Yeah, I went to one.
Your frequent wedding guest?
Frequent wedding guest.
That's awesome.
It's luck.
It's good luck to have me at your wedding.
Is it?
Everybody knows.
Well, we'll invite you.
We'll bring you to Mexico.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll get in the pool.
It's bad luck for me.
So that's why I don't get invited a lot. And I'm not going to Mexico. Yeah. Yeah. I'll get in the pool. It's bad luck for me. So that's why I don't get invited a lot.
And I'm not going to Mexico because Zika virus.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
So you've been in Edmonton, back in Edmonton for a year.
Yeah.
How's it going?
It's good.
I'm having fun.
I'm working at a taco restaurant that I run into Dave at.
Every time I'm going to Edmonton, I go to this taco restaurant.
Can I say what it's called?
You can call it, but I might have to be honest about it.
Oh, do you not like it or you do like it?
There are things I don't like about it.
Okay, well, I like the food there.
It's called Tres Carnales.
What don't you like about it?
I don't like that you can't just get a bunch of different tacos like every other restaurant in the history of the world.
Yeah, but then it takes forever
for your tacos to come out. They used to do that,
but that's why.
I mean, it doesn't take forever
at other restaurants. Oh, we've had
adult men
throw temper tantrums, not just you.
But some guy was freaking out.
Oh, I had a real tantrum there. Well, it's got
a Mexican wrestling
theme. Theme? It's got like a Mexican wrestling theme.
Theme?
It's got one picture
of a luchador.
Yeah, of a luchador.
So I had a tantrum
and I jumped off
the turnbuckle
and did a flying elbow drop
into some salsa.
Let me just think
what would you find
in a taco?
A bunch of skulls
You always think
that women are the ones
that like get all
huffy and complaining
I don't think that
Well most
I hear
because there's
that whole Karen thing
you know the Karens
but it's definitely
men in their 30s
that freak out the most
when they can't get
what they want
Do you get offended
by that
because your name's Karen?
Or,
and you get offended
that I don't know your name.
No, that's fine.
I'm totally cool with it.
I don't need to be known
by anything.
Karen McGee, everybody.
Karen McGee.
Have you
worked as a server?
I assume you work
as a server.
You've worked as a server before?
Oh, yeah.
I worked at a racetrack. It was fun serving hay it's for horses would you do you work in like the the
box suites kind of thing no it's just like a bar that was in the racetrack i have worked in those
little box but i don't like them they're it's too much work I like the laid back bar areas
yeah
yeah
it's fun
I learned how to
bet on the horses
there
there's like a bar
kind of by my house
in Edmonton
that we go to
sometimes
and it's just like
all these old men
betting on horses
and you can go in
and bet with them
and it's really fun
I don't know
it's very
a lot of degenerates
but that's where
I feel most comfortable
what is your
what's your favorite
do you bet on a tractor
or what is it oh I just bet five on five to win five on five there you go i've only won twice
how did you do that five on five what does that five dollars on horse number five oh first okay
you can do win place or show win means yeah first place means first or second. Show me first or second. But you win more money if you do win.
Yeah.
And if you can, I think a trifecta is when you bet on the first, second, and third.
But it has to come in an order.
In that order.
Which is very difficult.
But you can win a lot of money doing that.
There are some times that there are old men at the track winning $20,000 and they wouldn't care
because they already
just spent $20,000
that week.
That's true.
And they only have
a week to live
and so they're like,
how am I going to spend?
Well, I guess I could
put another bet then.
Yeah, yeah.
But horse racing's fun.
I don't know.
Yeah.
It's not Chuck Wagon.
It's not.
Yeah.
It's not horse racing.
So when you're at the bar
betting on these.
Yeah.
Are you watching it on a TV?
Well, yeah.
There's like.
You're not at a horse bar.
Well, I was at a horse bar.
And the bartender's like, why the long face?
Oh, no.
Oh, you guys are getting old.
No.
Yeah.
It's like a horse track, but there's not always racing at that track.
But you can go to any casino and there'll be a place to bet on horses and it's just a bunch of screens from like
all these uh tracks around the world and you can just bet oh on any race the belmont stakes so many
things yeah that's just one day yeah but if you go on that day but like it's four in the morning
but there's a horse race in singapore i can bet on they used
to do the hong kong races and uh you'd have to work until four in the morning just because the
time changed but oh wow yeah you could come and get all these races in hong kong and it's all
these old guys that's my favorite thing at the track is they've all got their little program
yeah they've got a little book that they've worked out a little system have they do they i mean i it must be so
because like okay i follow hockey and you can read about hockey all the time yeah and you can
watch so many games a day and there's you know people to follow on twitter and but like with
horse racing it's like it just doesn't feel like that big of a part
of the culture that you could become an expert.
Yeah.
I don't, I think it's dying.
Yeah.
I think it's a dying kind of sport.
But I, like I, my grandpa used to go to horse races and make like his living there.
He sold Encyclopedia Britannica and he went to the races.
That's what my grandpa did.
And he did well.
Wow.
He was a door-to-door encyclopedia salesman.
That's amazing. So both
things are becoming irrelevant.
Yeah, absolutely. But yeah, no, I think
of the... Did you have encyclopedias
growing up? Oh, yeah. Oh, we had
huge sets of Encyclopedia Britannica.
We were a Britannica family. We had Britannica and
World Book. Oh, yeah, I had World Book.
Well, Britannica was too wordy.
World Book had those glossy pages
i like they had more pictures or something yeah the uh yeah but it's like if you go to the the
racetrack now it's all old guys or all bachelor and bachelorette party yeah yeah it's a very
that's the only people there's nobody that they're just kind of enjoying the day. Yeah, yeah. There's no one's mother's day brunch.
Although, you know what?
I think they do mother's day brunches.
I think they do.
Just to get those moms out there gambling.
Yeah.
Maybe you can wear a big hat, mom.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wear an iPhone.
Okay, you got me.
I'll wear it.
So you're working at the Taco Place.
You founded a comedy
festival? I did. I founded a comedy festival.
Where'd you find it? I found it at a
little theater in Edmonton called Grindstone.
It was underneath this seat.
Look under your seat.
One of you will have won a comedy festival.
Yeah, I won it in a card game oh no that just made me think of something totally unrelated but i was watching the maryland dennis show and you know how like in america you get like tvs and cars
if you're in the audience she gave everyone a package of toilet paper you know what
extra extra fancy toilet paper like a you know what? Charmin extra
fancy toilet paper. Like a big package
of it?
Everybody goes home with toilet paper.
Not just one though. Not just a roll.
No, a pack. Okay, good.
No, she wasn't just like tossing
toilet paper into the crowd.
That like toilet paper gun that
Prop Comics gives. Or like
what you would get out of a vending machine in a hostel or something.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm imagining something.
I don't know if that exists.
Prison maybe in the vending machine?
What do they call the prison store?
The canteen.
The prison store.
Yeah.
Yeah, the prison store is, you know, property.
Would you rather have cigarettes or toilet paper?
I'm not a smoker, so I'd say toilet paper.
Yeah.
But cigarettes, can't you barter with cigarettes in prison?
Yeah.
But you could probably barter with toilet paper as well.
I don't know.
Or Snickers, you know?
Yeah.
That's what I would rather have.
Snickers?
Yeah.
Well, you'd be grouchy otherwise.
Yeah, because sometimes I turn into like Joe Pesci
and I criticize people
and then I have a Snickers
and they're like
you're better now
you were just hungry
yeah
that's a great
those are good
that was a good campaign
I don't know
if they still do those
I think they kind of
a little bit
I just remember
the weirdest one was there was one that had Robin Williams.
Yeah.
And then also Bobcat Goldthwait was just in it at the end for some reason.
As himself or as?
As Bobcat.
Mm-hmm.
But it didn't, like they're not a duo that you think of.
No, not that you would.
Oh, there's Robin.
Where's Bobcat?
Oh, there he is.
Okay, good. What was the, oh, there's Robin. Where's Bobcat? Oh, there he is. Okay, good.
What was the,
oh, you get a little crazy
when you're,
yeah, you get a little loopy
or something like that
because he was doing
his like Robin Williams thing.
Yeah.
And then Bobcat Goldthwait
was a cheerleader?
Did he do the voice?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
It was weird.
It was probably the weirdest
of the Snickers.
Bobcat Goldthwait is the most interesting because he was like his.
It was just like the character in Police Academy that kind of just kept going.
Yeah.
Like it was sort of his persona on stage.
But yeah, I've met him since.
And he's very nice.
And yes, you couldn't get by if you talk like that.
Yeah.
I don't know
that a comic
now
could do that
to have this weird
persona that
you have to do it
24-7
like I don't think
Larry the Cable Guy
is 24-7
Larry the Cable Guy
like if he
if he walked around
without his overalls
which I'm not
I'm not attracted
to Larry Cable the Guy
but
Larry Cable the Guy
Cable that guy but if he was just walkingable, the guy. Cable, that guy.
But if he was just walking around on the street,
I would have no idea who he is.
Yeah, if he put sleeves on his shirt.
Yeah, exactly, and took his baseball cap off.
Yeah, put on a tough ad.
Is there anybody nowadays that is a character?
Larry the Cable guy is one.
The weird thing about Larry the Cable guy
is he does the character as the voice
of the tow truck in Cars. The weird thing about Larry the cable guy is he does the character as the voice of the tow truck
in Cars.
Yeah, that's right.
Whose name is
Tow Mater,
which is a pun
on tomatoes,
which has nothing
to do with cars.
Cars.
Or Larry the cable guy.
But is he,
he's Bill
as Larry the cable guy?
Yes.
Nice.
Bill is Larry the cable guy.
He's not Dan Whitney or whatever.
Is that right?
Yeah, I think that's right.
Good recall.
Is that his actual name?
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
He's a Florida comic, I think.
He's a universe comic.
He's a comic of...
That's true.
He's the comic we're going to put on the time capsule that we send to space.
Him and Jeff Dunham.
We'll put one of Jeff Dunham's puppets in it.
They're the gamble guy.
And the aliens will be like, what a rich.
But don't they have Terry Fader, they'll say?
Well, actually, when I was in the Mexican restaurant, I jumped off the turnbuckle and
did a flying elbow drop onto a jalapeno on a stick.
I did a flying elbow drop onto a jalapeno on a stick.
When I was a kid, jalapeno on a stick was as good as comedy.
Is that a thing?
Yeah, yeah.
It was like one of his puppets.
His original.
Oh, this is Jeff Dunham?
Yeah.
I didn't really... I had an uncle that loved Jeff Dunham.
He would make me watch Jeff Dunham all the time.
He'd say, you've got to be like Jeff Dunham.
I'm like, no.
I don't know if you're considering becoming a comedian, but you have to be like him.
Or a ventriloquist.
He wanted me to get into ventriloquism really badly.
Just giving you a new ventriloquist doll every year for your birthday.
Which one was jalapeno on a stick?
It was the jalapeno
on a stick.
It was literally a jalapeno.
And that's all he said,
I think.
On a stick.
He would say,
jalapeno on a stick.
Oh my gosh.
And the voice would come
out of the bag.
Like he put the jalapeno away
and you'd still hear it.
Uh oh.
It's amazing what you can say
when you say it
through a puppet.
No.
It used to be
used to get away
with a lot of stuff
I mean Jeff Dunham
has been
getting away with it
for
ever
getting away with it
I'm on to him
I think Occam
the dead terrorist
is probably
an offensive character
probably
maybe
but he's still
around
he still makes
millions and millions
of dollars
well good for him good for him and his puppets.
You need to be like him.
I need to be more like him. I should have booked him for
Grindstone. What was I thinking?
We broke even.
That's the best part about it. That's amazing.
That's amazing for a first year comedy festival.
Would you book a ventriloquist?
Maybe Otto and George.
I like Otto and George.
He is no longer with us. Oh, is he? Okay, well, I'd never book him. I mean, the puppet Maybe Otto and George. I like Otto and George. He is no longer with us.
Oh, is he?
Okay, well, I'd never book him.
I mean, the puppet's still probably.
The puppet's probably.
He didn't get buried with his puppet?
That's a good question.
You would think that that would.
I wonder if Edgar Bergen got buried with Charlie McCarthy.
You'd have to ask Candace.
Yeah, she would know.
She would know.
If I get one chance to ask Candace Bergen.
Is your dead dad buried with the puppet?
Who he sat at the dinner table with you
every night?
Also, what was
Miles like on
Murphy Brown?
Who was your
favorite guest secretary?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Is that still on?
No, it was like a year
and it didn't go well.
I don't think. Yeah, they just ditched most it was like a year and it didn't go well. I don't think.
Yeah, they just ditched most of the cast and just called it the Connors.
That show's still going.
The Connors version?
Connors?
Yeah.
Roseanne died.
Oh, it's Roseanne.
They killed her off.
She didn't.
Oh, no, Dan originally died.
Yeah, but it was a dream.
Sure.
So Dan is alive.
Yeah.
And he's John Goodman still on the show.
Have you seen the Righteous Gemstones?
No.
Speaking of John Goodman.
No.
It's so good.
I've heard it.
It's so good.
And John Goodman, John Goodman's like pretty much a straight character on it, but like
it's so funny.
Is he the hardest working man in showbiz?
I think so.
He's great.
But he's in so many things.
Yeah.
He's in TV shows.
Two TV shows two TV shows
I just found out
yeah
and movies
yeah
good for him
he's got a podcast
I like him
be a good man
oh yeah
where he just
is trying to learn
it's called
John Goodman
and it's about
being a really good man
in the bathroom
in the John
yeah
yeah
oh my god it's by like you know about etiquette and stuff
yeah how to be a courteous pee and poor yeah uh you know make sure is that his podcast or
his tv show uh it was his podcast okay all right he just interviews people on how to be a
on toilet etiquette yeah john, John Goodman. Yeah.
Today we're talking to somebody from prison about whether they'd rather have cigarettes or toilet paper.
Yeah, I mean, that's really just the podcast theme of the month across the podcast industry.
If you're in a bathroom and someone farts next to you, do you laugh loudly or quietly?
I put my hand over the top for a high five.
Yeah, I don't find that funny.
You're more of a jalapeno on a stick.
Yeah.
Um, here's a question.
Yeah.
The, a fan in the bathroom, when you turn on the fan in the bathroom, is that to get rid of odor?
Yeah.
Steam from a shower or to like obscure any bathroom sounds.
All of the above.
All of the above,
I think.
I agree.
I find it to be quite ineffective
at steam and maybe odor.
Like odor goes away regardless.
But I think,
yeah,
for sure,
steam.
But yeah,
also having.
I think so.
All of the above,
absolutely.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
I think it was. You of the above, absolutely. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I think it was...
You're a John Goodman.
Are you going to do the festival again?
We are working.
Yeah, I think we're going to do it again.
Did you get any government funding?
Not this time.
Well, then you might make a profit.
We're working at it.
We're working at it we're working at
applying for grants but we did it all with um sponsorship money which i was like it was it was
pretty fun and interesting learning experience to figure out it's a good festival you were amazing
everyone loved you peter oldring i'd never met him before and i he said that he'd marry me and adam
like he'd be qualified uh who cares we'll just yeah yeah willing to go in the pool
he's willing to go in the pool like uh we Adam's like well now I just want to get married because
I want Peter Walter because my boyfriend like kind of got a man crush on Peter that whole weekend
because he's just like the nicest funniest like man he went to the water park by himself
at West Edmonton Mall okay yeah I could do that I went to pick him up by himself. At West Hamilton Mall? Okay, yeah, I can see that.
I went to pick him up from the hotel, and I was like, well, what'd you do today?
He's like, I went to the water park.
It was just like, yeah, he was great.
Peter Oldring, for people unfamiliar, past guest here.
Yeah.
From CBC's This Is That.
Yeah.
And the main voice on season one of my other podcast, This Sounds Serious.
Which I'm obsessed with, you guys.
It's so good.
Thank you.
I love it so much.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
I hate this podcast, but I love that one.
And I've been on the road with Peter a few times, and he always finds us something to
do by himself.
He's just like a fun, interesting person.
He'll find a yoga class in any small
town
yeah and he did
he did this
improvised musical
that's why they
brought him in
and he was so
good
it was ridiculous
how funny he was
yeah
and how like all
totally off the top
of his head
just he I have
like nothing but
amazing things to
say about that man
he's awesome
yeah
so yeah that was
that was a very
good experience
so hopefully we'll get to it again in may of next year we've got some planning
to do still yeah it's a lot of work like you think it's gonna be super easy why would you
i don't know because you're just like in your head that you think it's gonna be easy have you
been to a festival yeah i've been to yeah i've been to good i've been bad screw up all the time
i've been to festivals where they're like grew up all the time i've been to festivals
where they like it's their first year and they're like we're gonna bring in 80 comics and blah blah
blah and then next year like now we lost 25 000 yeah exactly and that's why you want to go that
first year yeah yeah you got to go the first year of a festival because that is when because
they're spending yeah we're pretty conservative so yeah but it was a fun we flew you in on flare
or swoop which one do we fly you in on? Flair. Yeah, I know.
Sorry, I asked you if that was okay and you're like, I guess.
Flair is, you don't have to go to Abbotsford for that, do you?
No, but you feel like it.
It's like discount, discount, discount airline?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's just an hour flight.
Yeah, but my joke about it was that their name is flair despite their complete disdain for any such
good joke thank you yeah no flair at all uh so no like no do you no seats you know standing room
they offer you water no okay no there's no there's no water there's no water. There's no, you just service of any kind. Yeah. It's just a bus.
Yeah.
Sky bus.
Um,
but yeah,
it was a fun,
really fun festival.
Yeah,
it was,
it was good.
And that's what I just want to do.
And the fact that you didn't lose money is amazing.
That was incredible.
Like when we had our final meeting and everything,
I,
and they said,
okay,
we broke even,
I was just thrilled because I thought we were going to lose so much money.
I,
I didn't make any money doing it.
I just did it like,
cause I wanted to do it.
And none of us really like everyone that planned it.
We're just like,
we're doing this because we want to start something.
So hopefully we can do it again and make it a little bit bigger.
Yeah.
It's,
it's exciting to do,
but it is very stressful.
Yeah.
It's a lot of work.
And I'll,
I'll start working on a ventriloquist.
Please.
We'll bring you back this year. If you have a dummy with you. Yeah. And I'll start working on a ventriloquist act. Please.
We'll bring you back this year if you have a dummy with you.
And I'll do some talk show where I give everyone in the audience cigarettes.
I mean, we voted and we thought everyone would want a pack of cigarettes instead of a pack of toilet paper. You look under your seat, there's a pack of cigarettes.
That's like a lot of money.
Yeah, well, yeah.
I would just put one cigarette under.
Just tape one.
Everyone gets a cigarette.
You get a cigarette.
Your baby gets a cigarette.
I've said before that in an ideal world,
my main gig would be to teach actors and actresses how to smoke in movies.
Yeah, so it was in movies. Yeah.
So it was more realistic.
Yeah.
Because I was watching, I know what you did last summer.
And Sarah Michelle Gellar.
Probably the worst on-screen smoker.
Oh, really?
Is it her hand or her mouth?
She's the worst on-screen a lot of things.
Her hand.
It was so rigid.
It was like this low.
Which works in a role of like of a nervous
like
drug addict
yeah yeah
it's like
they're handshaking
and they're really stiff
have you seen her new
TV show 9-1-1
no
she plays like a
9-1-1 operator
Jennifer Love Hewitt
oh sorry
which one were you talking about
Sarah Michelle Diller
but also
same in the movie
yeah
Jennifer Love Hewitt though
it's like
the only scenes she has
is like on
emergency calls
and she's always just like
looking up at a thousand screens
with concern
throughout the whole
it's just the worst
it's just terrible
it's such a bad show
oh my god
but it's fun to watch
because it's so bad
um
who were the other
three named
Freddie Prinze Jr
he was also in it
is that where they met
uh yes
yeah
who was the one
who was she's All That?
Rachel Leigh Cook.
When Sarah Michelle Gellar got pregnant, did everyone say, I don't know what you did last summer?
That would be a fun theme.
Yeah, we fucked.
I'm sorry to offend you with this word.
No, it's fine
it is funny in the movie
because
I said pee and poo earlier
so I mean
all bets are off
you're really like
getting edgy Dave
every time I come
you're edgier and edgier
your cardigan is unzipped
oh I'm so sorry
okay
oh pardon me
zip it up
zip it up Shuka
but there's a scene
in I Know What You Did last summer where Jennifer Love Hewitt and Freddie Prinze Jr. zip it up zip it up Shuka but there's a scene in
I know you did
last summer
where
Jennifer Love Hewitt
and Freddie Prince Jr
I guess
he
deflowers her
and
but
her signal to him
is she takes off
her cardigan
and he goes
are you sure
and I was like
you're jumping way
ahead
are you sure
or are you warm
oh if you go back
and watch those like
late 90s
early 2000s
teen movies
they're very
bad
they're very bad
they're very bad
I know you did it last summer
it was very silly
there's a rape joke
at the beginning
of Adventures in Babysitting
really
I watched it again
and there was like
at the beginning
those two boys
that have a crush on her are talking and there is a rape joke in there so i'm just like wow well that was
the 80s so that was okay i guess yeah the 90s ones that would never apply but even just like
american pie like the whole concept of well we're all gonna lose our virginity like even now that's
too sensitive for people i think yeah i mean that's why i still
haven't congratulations my gram and i are still uh we haven't done our pact yet yeah well you but
we still wear purity rings yeah our jonas brother brand we promise we'll lose our virginity by the
time my kids graduate high school wait a minute that is possible to stay a virgin
and have children as a man.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
I guess even as a woman,
you just have to get science involved.
Yeah, that's true.
I mean, as a man, you just have to get...
Semen involved?
Is that what you're trying to say?
I guess so.
I used the scientific term.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's true.
That's true.
Everything's above board.
What would you normally have used?
Jizz cum. Jizz cum, that's true. That's true. Everything's above board. What would you normally have used? Jizz cum.
Jizz cum.
That's the festival I started.
I started the jizz cum festival.
Just me at home every weekend.
It's a weekly festival.
52 year.
52 week a year festival.
Hey, we broke even.
Oh, boy.
The June Scum Festival.
I love it.
Dave, what's going on with you?
Okay.
Well.
Here we go.
Okay.
So I have this cell phone.
It's a.
An intelligent phone.
It's an intelligent phone from the people at Apple.
Yeah. It's an iPhone 6S. Okay an intelligent phone from the people at Apple. Yeah.
It's an iPhone 6S.
Okay.
So it's about four years old.
Happy birthday.
Yeah.
And I refuse to get a new phone because I'm married to the headphone jack.
But something happened that has never happened before i yesterday it
wasn't the home button wasn't working oh and i made a um an appointment with my favorite
cell phone repair place whose name is gabe sweet uh cell clinic and they uh they're totally they're
the best they're not clinic they're the best. Cell Clinic.
They're like a real business and you know what it's going to cost before you go in.
Sure.
And it's covered here in Canada with our healthcare plans for our phones.
And I've gone there before when other things have broken, like the microphone broke on it.
Oh, yeah.
And they're great.
And so I made an appointment with them.
And then my home button started working again. And I like oh i don't need this appointment so i canceled
it and then last night as i was walking in a parking lot i reached into my pocket to be like
oh where's where's everything my wallet my phone my keys pull out my phone oh there it is drop it
lance face down i've dropped this phone a million times
I've never
in my life
had a broken screen
shattered
shattered
still worked
yeah
home button didn't
but just like
the
my
my
fingers feel so dry now
after rubbing up
against that
broken screen
oh yeah it's all fixed
now it's all fixed now so because this morning i went and uh they said we can't fix the home button
so i have this virtual home button i have to use oh my gosh that's so and so you're just
gonna keep this phone keep it up who knows man yeah uh i like it's it i'm so married to my phone i guess i have to get a new phone but
just like that one hour where it was uh in the in in the repair place i was just like oh i'll just
go back to my car and listen to the radio yeah yeah yeah weird i know it's so bad how dependent
we are on them yeah i recently had to get a new phone because i put my phone in the washing machine oh i was like look i put my clothes in and then i went to
go do something else i'm like where's my phone and i'm like i wouldn't put it in the washing machine
and i like look in and i see it glowing and i was just like oh it's still working okay good i pull
it out and i'm like oh yay and i blew on I blew on it. And then it just goes. Yeah.
Yeah.
What is blowing on it is what did it.
Yeah, that's true.
You can take the water.
It's not a Nintendo game.
Did you put it in rice?
I did.
That's bullshit.
That doesn't work.
It didn't work for me.
Did you throw that rice at the wedding?
Yeah, I threw it out.
Well, the cell phone place, the repair place I take it to, they go through like bags of
rice every day.
They also have a sushi restaurant yeah they do um but uh yeah no it's like the the fact that it's i don't know a
new phone is like a thousand dollars now the new ones yeah uh i guess without a plan it's like
three hundred dollars if you have a like i got mine like i went in and i don't get the production
protection it's bs unless you break it in the first two years because i i had the protection plan
and then so i'm like okay well i'll just get this replaced and they're like okay uh you just have to
pay 250 and then you can replace it and i'm like i own like 200 on this plan so why don't i just
pay the 200 out and get a brand new phone. They're like, yeah, that's probably a better idea. Thanks, Virgin Mobile.
You're great.
Yeah, Richard Branson.
But just the, like, it's weird that I'm like,
oh, that's too expensive.
But it's the thing I stare at 23 hours a day.
I don't know why I'm pitching pennies.
Yeah, I recently bought, I refurbished one of those.
A six?
A six.
And it works great.
Yeah.
And it was cheap.
I bought it at one of these cell phone repair places.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just walked in.
I was like, what type of phones do you have?
And they were like, I'll sell you this one for a couple hundred bucks.
I was like, done and done.
And the, like, I'm, I don't know if everyone has a million friends who break their phone or lose their phone.
Or if it's just comedians.
No, it's everybody.
Like, everybody.
Haven't you ever been in line somewhere and look and people are on their phones and you're like, oh, look at that piece of trash.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, you can't get your screen fixed?
Come on.
You can get a Starbucks coffee, but you can't get your screen fixed i feel like there was a
maybe it's better now but there was a rash of just like my facebook every day would be i lost my
phone everyone sent me your number oh yeah but it's not as but now they have icloud like yeah
you don't have to go back it's not like having one of those flip phones and having oh god i gotta go enter every single number again oh man what was your very first cell phone uh oh it was a nokia little
little brick one not tiny one tiny brick one yeah with snake on it yeah that was my first cell phone
too i had one in there was just a phone that had no screen on it in high school. Like one of those flip triangle ones with the flip at the bottom?
Yeah.
You had one of those?
It was my dad's company.
Oh, it's always everyone's dad.
Our neighbor had one of those brick ones in the 80s,
and I saw him talking on it around the house.
We had one of those cordless phones, and I thought,
oh, I can just take this to the playground.
So I took our cordless phone to the playground and it got sanded yeah yeah i got in a lot of trouble you ruined the phone i got in a lot of trouble we had to take it to phone clinic before
it was cell clinic and i uh in college i had a cordless phone but it was so powerful that i could
like walk around campus with it oh like when i was an
ra did you feel powerful when you had it yeah it was like the the signal between the base and the
unit like i could go into different buildings you could also fend off horny teens with it it was it
was like a like a you know policeman's flashlight i guess so it's like this is like a big was this a big cordless phone uh no
it was pretty sleek i mean i don't remember any horny teens in college i mean if they were if
there were horny teens in college to fend off i was i you you weren't i wasn't gonna fend them
off but then it never came up like i wish horny teens wanted to horn around on me.
Let's go horn around on Dave.
Okay.
Let's go practice on Dave.
We're just a group of horny teens
and we heard you were looking for us.
Yeah.
I think I'm getting old because I'm getting angry
at all the new tech, like the new,
like all the new apps.
Like I don't, like TikTok,
I don't know what anything is anymore. TikTok's great. TikTok's great. Yeah, you're old. Well, Graham all the new apps. Like I don't, like TikTok, I don't know what anything is anymore.
TikTok's great.
TikTok's great.
Everyone,
yeah,
you're old.
Graham and I are cool.
You're cool.
You're cool.
We do lip dubs.
Yeah.
Do you,
cause I was like,
I,
somebody said something,
there's something called a VSCO girl or something.
And I went down a deep,
dark hole on YouTube,
figuring out what it was.
And it's awful. what's a visco girl
it's like a teenage girl that like has scrunchies up her arms and wears birkenstocks and like
carries a water ball everywhere and is very concerned about the environment and the turtles
oh right if you look at it you will be yes the ninja especially the ninja turtles like if we're
gonna let something like an apr April O'Neil type?
Yeah, very.
Always a redhead.
Always in a yellow jumpsuit.
Car heart.
Yeah.
But it was so annoying.
But the worst part was, I just started, I kept going.
And I started watching these tween YouTube videos.
And then I found families that do...
Oh, yeah.
I don't like families.
Oh my god, there was like this one family that
the whole thing was like, Chastity
unwraps presents. That was the name of the
like, and they made their six
year old daughter. Listen,
their six year old daughter,
she had to spin a wheel.
Whatever letter
it landed on, if she could
the first word, if she could spell any toy, if she could the first word if she could spell
any toy
if she could spell it
she got it
she landed on I
she spells iPod
and she's a six year old girl
goes and gets a
brand new freaking iPod
I'm like
iPod is not a toy
it is not a toy
I was like
oh she's gonna get an iguana
iTunes gift card oh it was just like I just got mad I was like, Oh, she's going to get an iguana.
iTunes gift card.
Yeah.
It was just like,
I just got mad watching those.
I hate,
I hate YouTube families.
Yeah.
I hate them.
I will say hate.
I hate is a strong word,
but they're the worst.
Yeah.
I don't,
I don't like any,
uh, yeah.
Family content is,
uh,
I don't care.
I don't want my family to know I have the internet.
Yeah. Yeah. That's the worst is when you've been keeping that secret even keeping it from them i mean i'm not doing
a very good job because i always need to fix my parents internet now back to april o'neill
yes you mentioned her yellow jumpsuit and it just occurred to me how crazy it would be
uh that she was the news reporter on yeah if you
were watching the news and a reporter was wearing a yellow jumpsuit you'd be like huh yeah that's
weird it's so this is the what they're wearing these days is she in some kind of war zone or
yeah and then you turn on the news the next day and you're like she's wearing it again yeah
there's that yellow jumpsuit but that's cartoon world everyone wears the same thing every day
and she also only reported ninja news yeah ninja turtle news or foot clan news
um i guess that was her beat you know i guess that's is there any footage of the ninja turtles
using plastic straws oh i would like to see it yeah that's a good
that would be a good meme i would like to see it i mean they definitely use those little plastic
tables that go on pizza yeah yeah that uh you know keep the lid from smashing your pizza yeah
exactly did you see uh it was being passed around the internet, I think it was a Leonardo original costume for sale.
That was decaying.
Oh, boy.
Have you seen it?
No.
I'll show you a picture of it.
I got an elf costume last year for Halloween.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, elf, the alien.
And I wore it to do stand-up for 10 seconds.
It was so hot.
Was it? I can find you so hot. Was it?
I can find you a picture.
Was it like tall?
It's a full elf costume.
It cost me $160
because I'm an idiot.
Where'd you get it?
Amazon.
Oh my God.
And it shed everywhere.
There's orange fluff
everywhere I went.
Everywhere I went.
It's great.
It's a good costume,
but I couldn't wear it
for longer than 10 seconds.
Like the mask,
especially because it's just like this plastic elf face.
I tried to do standup in it and I literally was just,
I couldn't hear what I was doing.
And I was just like,
this is fucking stupid.
Yeah.
Is my cat material going over my stuff about Willie?
Yeah.
I kill me.
Yeah.
So yeah, I've been in phone limbo.
Home button still doesn't work.
I have this virtual home button on the screen.
I didn't even know that existed.
I've had that happen before, a couple phones ago.
A couple phones ago.
But I think it might be four years.
Time to say goodbye.
Goodbye, iPhone 6.
Isn't that sad?
Four years. That's all we get out of stuff now
yeah and if you're lucky that's a lot for this i know i know like usually it's like your two-year
term and then your phone is done by the time the end of your two-year term two-year term is over
your phone is just like kill me yeah yeah you just get it like taped together and you're like
well i can't use uh i can't i can calls in, but I can't make out the calls.
It's like, oh, update
the iOS, please.
Please. But that'll kill you even more.
I don't care.
Better to burn out than fade away, man.
What's going on with you, Graham?
This past weekend
I went to a comedy festival in Kamloops, B.C.
I drove through Kamloops this past Friday.
It's very, it's like a weird kind of scenery because it looks like the desert.
Yeah, there's all sagebrush and kind of rolling brown hills and stuff.
Yeah.
I took the bus up to Kamloops.
Yeah.
I've done that before.
Oh, Graham.
Well, I could have rented a car, but I was like, this, the bus.
Oh, they don't fly?
Yeah, I guess you fly, but it's one of those like ridiculous, like 15 minutes in the air.
Wait a second.
So this festival didn't put you on flair?
No, this festival did not.
Well, fuck them.
Yeah.
They put you on Greyhound.
Yeah.
And the Greyhound doesn't yeah run in in these uh provinces anymore it doesn't exist anymore well it does out east
oh really yeah they still run in ontario and so what bus did you take to campus something called
e-bus oh yes e-bus yeah electronic bus they have a wi-fi on it they do yeah that's why they call it
yeah yeah yeah was it full no uh the ride up it? They do. Yeah, that's why they call it that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it full?
No.
The ride up, it was like almost, I think there was probably like 10 of us on the bus.
That's great.
Yeah.
How long was the bus ride?
Same as if I drove plus about 15, 20 minutes.
So it was like a four-hour drive.
Not bad.
Not bad, sure.
Yeah. And you, sure. Yeah.
And you got Wi-Fi.
You could just plunk along in your computer the whole time.
You know, it was fine.
The ride up was better than the ride back.
Somebody was on the bus with a baby on the ride back.
And that's... Baby on a plane is one thing.
Yeah.
Baby on a bus.
Whoa.
What's different?
Wheels.
Yeah.
They like any time that they go to sleep, they're woken up by something bumping or whatever.
So it's just like crying the whole ride.
Was it full that time?
Yeah.
I've gone on buses when they're not full.
Fine.
Yeah.
But when they're full and you have to sit next to someone
it's just
ugh
oh I didn't
I had a seat to myself
okay well that's good
yeah yeah
but it was pretty packed
on the ride back
and
like
on the ride up
uh
anytime that somebody
would get off at a stop
I'd just have a whole
daydream about
what their life was like
cause
cause a lot of them
cause they'd be getting off in Merritt.
Exactly.
So, you know, like this one gal got off in Merritt and there was nobody to greet her.
And I was like, maybe she's starting a brand new life in Merritt.
Her and her fanny pack.
That's all the luggage she had was just a fanny pack.
Oh my God.
Buses are fun though.
Like I've had bus trips where I went from Calgary to Edmonton, and there was people
coming back from the prison in Lethbridge behind me talking about being-
About going back to prison?
No, about going back to their old ladies.
They actually use the terms old ladies.
Oh.
And they were young.
Yeah, I mean, well, but yeah, but their old ladies aren't.
Yeah, their ladies are old.
Yeah.
That's right. They're seeing somebody. Some senior young. Yeah, but their old ladies aren't. Yeah, their ladies are old. That's right.
They're seeing somebody.
Some senior citizens.
Yeah.
Have you ever had a horrifying bus ride?
Like scary?
There was when I was young.
I went on like a bus ride from Vancouver to Saskatoon.
You're still young.
Thanks.
And there was a guy that was kind of freaking out.
And I think he was like, I think he was drunk.
That's like the same route the beheader one took.
And that's, don't think that didn't cross my mind.
Oh, it was after the beheading?
No, no, no.
But when I was going on this.
It was pre-heading.
Yeah, it was pre-heading.
But the morning I was going to get on the bus, I was like, oh yeah, right.
This is why, this is why buses got a real bad name in Canada.
Yeah.
If people don't know what we're talking about, you're better off.
Yeah, you are better off.
Yeah.
But yeah, but also buses never drop you close to where anything is.
That's what I found out on this route, that it just dropped me at a mall.
And I was like, oh, okay, well.
In Kamloops?
In Kamloops.
But the mall only just had a Safeway.
So you're advertising a mall, but really it's a bus stop.
And a grocery store.
Yeah, and a grocery store.
And the festival was fun.
Yeah.
But the real takeaway was this time on the bus.
Yeah.
Also, I stayed in, like, most hotel rooms, for whatever reason, that I stay in, have two beds.
Mm-hmm.
One bed.
One bed this time around.
King or queen?
This was like a double.
What?
Yeah.
How dare they? This was some real no. What? Yeah. How dare they?
This was some real no country for old men living I was doing. What's your two bed
ritual?
All the luggage and everything on one bed
and then
sleep on the other bed
throw extra pillows. Do you have an
eating? You don't have like an eating bed?
An eating bed. Oh that's a good idea.
Yeah.
I have an eating bed? An eating bed. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah. Yeah.
I have an eating bed at home only.
It's disgusting.
It's gross.
It's awful.
Instead of a dining room table, you just have an eating bed.
You had a weird hotel room at our festival.
You had bad experience with your hotel.
Yeah, well, because I was like right above the bar.
And so like, I was like, okay, well, there's just like a din of a bar going on and
then this like power band started at like 11 o'clock and the walls were shaking like things
were falling off the shelves this power band it was so loud yeah i picked you up the next day and
you're like i had to move yeah and like when i called
the front desk i was like uh i'm right above the bar and they were like oh yeah why like
right away they were like why did we put you there yeah when they had other free rooms in
the hotel it was a nice hotel though right like cool rooms and stuff yeah it was cool they did
cool like it used to be like a total like hooker hotel.
Oh yeah?
I think that's cool.
Yeah.
It used to be next
to the Greyhound
station in Edmonton.
That's where,
yeah, that hotel was,
you couldn't,
you were told
never go in that hotel.
And now they've,
they've boutiqued it up.
Now it's cool.
It's cool now.
And, oh yeah,
like the,
I had to take a cab
to get to the bus station to go back.
And the bus driver or the cab driver, he didn't even he didn't even ask if I was going to the bus.
He just dropped me off.
He just said you look like a bus person.
I said, I'm going to the Soholly Mall.
And then he was driving around to the where the bus was.
And he was and he's like, oh, I realized I didn't even ask.
Are you taking the bus? I just assumed you were taking the bus. That he's like, oh, I realized I didn't even ask. Are you taking the bus?
I just assumed
you were taking the bus.
That's kind of
a weird assumption.
You look like
you'd take the bus.
Yeah.
I'll drive you to the bus.
See what you think.
International or domestic?
Oh, I've done that before
where I've gone across
the border on a bus.
To the US?
Yeah.
Have you done like zip bus where it's like a dollar to go to Seattle?
No.
Does that exist anymore?
Oh, Bolt bus?
Bolt bus.
Yes.
Yeah, I did that.
It's super cheap.
Super cheap.
But the whole, the weird thing is everybody has to get off the bus and stand in line at
customs.
And talk to a customs person.
And they're like, I feel like probably at customs whoever's
in charge of bus line is like a short straw i feel like they probably catch someone every time
so it's they're not letting you go until they catch someone yeah yeah and everybody looks very
suspicious and you know we're all just trying to visit our old ladies yeah we're all I just wanted to pick up
some of that
and there's a border patrol
film crew filming
yeah yeah
my favorite show
I've
they're like
I got busted at the border
and some of the people
that busted me
are sometimes on that show
oh
yeah
were you like
I love you
I miss you guys
thanks for
no they were
they were nice
it wasn't my border guy
who I told
I hope my face haunts you I was so upset who did you tell that to you guys thanks for no they were the they were nice it wasn't my border guy who i told uh i hope
my face haunts you i was so upset who did you tell that to the american border guy that busted me
just my face though the rest of my body's not gonna haunt you don't even look at my body are
you uh can you go back to america well i've gone back i went across the border with a different
face and with a different face and the same body,
but they didn't look at my body last time, so thank God.
No, I went across and I went with my dad and my stepmom,
and I said, so they're going to stop us.
You know this.
We're going to have to go in.
And my stepmom's like, this is exciting.
Like, it's not exciting.
Well, maybe it is for her.
I guess, yeah, live a little.
But so we went into the, it was the Peace Arch one that we drove across just to go to Bellingham.
And,
uh,
we go in and they pull us aside and then they asked me if I've ever been
denied,
uh,
entry into the United States.
And I said,
yes.
And,
uh,
then they told me to sit back down and then this guy brings me over and he
said,
well,
he's like,
you're lucky that you were very honest when they caught you
because you avoided fraud charges and a ban like you could have been banned for five years and you
could have been charged with fraud which is awful and he said but you were very honest but now we
just don't trust you and i'm like well i don't trust a lot of people either so i get it yeah
but you just have to show proof that you're living here. I haven't tried since to go across.
I haven't tried to fly across yet.
But I had another friend who got busted.
He was working in Las Vegas.
And he said, as soon as I changed my passport, as soon as my passport expired, they stopped even saying anything to me.
Oh, really?
I went to Mexico and it was fun.
They didn't say anything.
No, but you know.
But you went to Mexico.
You didn't try to work
in Mexico
no I did not
I worked it
but I didn't work it
and you know what
there's no laws against that
I know
it's encouraged
will you be working it
while you're on
in our country
bienvenido
oh boy
do we want to move on to a little bit of business?
Yeah.
The Podcasting Yourself is brought to you in part by ZipRecruiter.
And Graham, where is Graham?
Oh, no.
I've asked him again, Dave.
I was playing with my phone and I ended up in the nether world.
What app were you using?
Netherton.
Netherton.
Okay.
And that's an app?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's an app for if you're looking for singles in another dimension.
I see.
Okay.
Now it's coming. Yeah. And you singles in another dimension. I see. Okay, now it's coming.
And you swiped in the spiral.
Instead of left or right, you swiped in a scary spiral.
Well, I'm going to tell you an uplifting story.
Tell me.
That'll maybe get you out of there.
I'm hoping so.
No matter what dimension you're in, hiring can be a slow process.
Or process.
We say process here.
Oh, do you? Okay.
Yeah.
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We don't have coffee here.
We're more tea in this part of the netherworld.
Okay.
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What's going on down there right now?
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was chasing after the bull.
So everything's topsy-turvy
down here, as you can imagine.
Anyway, right now, try
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Oh, now I'm being chased by a matador. I gotta go! Tip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire.
Oh, now I'm being chased by a matador. I gotta go.
Hello, my name is Tusk Henderson, and I am an outdoorsman.
Are you looking for a new comedy podcast? This month's episode of Beef and Dairy Network Podcast has as its guest the wonderful Nick Offerman, playing the part of Tusk Henderson, adventurer and outdoorsman.
Think about fitting yourself a month's worth of provisions and a half ton cow into a kayak.
So if you've never listened to the show before, this might be a good place to start. I string a bow string between her horn tips and I can fire a spear off the top of her head
and took in some very delicious cod.
So, if you're after a new comedy podcast
why not try the Beef and Dairy Network
for maximum fun.
Download it now!
You flip a cow upside down
they make an excellent toboggan.
Overheard! Overheard! It's a segment in which we hear things out there in the world we treasure them yeah you know other people discard them not us we treasure them and then we share them here
on the podcast and we always like to start with the guest okay my overheard um i was at yuck yucks
in calgary and i was going to the bathroom after the show
and i could hear these two girls come in and they were saying nice things about me
and then one of them said you know what i really liked about her she made it seem like blackouts
are okay and it was like i'm like I felt excited about that
it's always nice
when you overhear
people saying nice things
about you
yeah
now remind me
what blackouts are
like blackout drunk
oh I think of curtains
yeah what is that
but like blackout drunk
I just have a joke
about my
do you pass out
it just means
you don't remember anything
I just have a joke
about how my favorite
level of drunk
is blackout
and then everyone's like
yeah
well that's what we're all doing right now joke about how my favorite level of drunk is blackout. And then everyone's like, yeah.
Well, that's what we're all doing right now. Yeah.
It is my favorite level of curtains.
Yeah, absolutely.
I do love a good blackout curtain too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Too hard to wake up though, you know?
That's true.
With the like, if it's too dark.
I mean, are you ever going to get anything done?
That's true.
You have to open those curtains once in a while.
Yeah.
Can I tell you a story about curtains?
Actually, it's about blinds.
Can I still tell it?
Yeah.
Yes.
Okay.
I got this gift card for Bed Bath & Beyond, and I used it to get some blinds, top down,
bottom up shades.
Sure.
And so I ordered these these and they're custom.
You have like, you put in your, the size of the window and then they send them to you.
And so I ordered them in June.
Yeah.
And they were tracking them and I went online to track them and they come through China.
They go to Buffalo.
Then they come up to Canada.
These got stopped in Buffalo and were not tracked anymore.
Oh,
they just went into the,
to a dead zone.
Oh,
well,
and I've been buying stuff on the internet for decades and only recently have
things started not showing up,
but,
uh,
sophisticated thieves. thieves no just like
yeah sophisticated thieves not at my door but just like somewhere in the middle yeah uh so i
told bed bath and beyond guys these blinds what's the deal with them are they still coming i ordered
some beyond they're in the beyond yeah Yeah. That's where they went.
And so they were like, oh, that's weird.
Okay, well, we'll refund your purchase or we can reorder these for you.
And then I was like, okay.
Oh, wait, we can't reorder them for you because they are custom.
But we can refund your purchase.
Okay, it was a gift card.
Okay, we can't do that.
We will mail you a new gift card with that exact amount on it.
Then I, so I got the new gift card, ordered them again.
They came broken.
They were like dented and stuff.
And like in between, there's weeks in between where they don't reply to your emails.
Yeah. And then suddenly you get notification that a new gift card is coming.
So yesterday, our third gift card
arrived.
Stay tuned.
And you've just been using an eagle's flag.
It's that window out there.
It's just like a sheet
over a rod.
Over a tension bar.
That's basically curtains. it's curtains for you yeah
uh do you have an overheard yeah man uh so today i went and i got my phone fixed yeah and i went
right as they opened and it was great i was like right at the front they said come back in an hour
and i came back in an hour and there's a huge lineup of just the slowest.
One guy,
his payment didn't go through three times.
And he was like,
he's like,
I have pay with a bed.
I'm paying with a story that went nowhere.
But,
uh,
he,
so he finally,
the fourth time I went through, but like, if it doesn't go through three times, you should be like, I'll go, I'll go, the fourth time it went through.
But like, if it doesn't go through three times, you should be like, I'll go, I'll go to the back of the line.
I'm sorry, everyone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I, I just have like, that's my everywhere in life.
Whoever I'm behind in line is the person who's like, goes through and then goes, oh, no, I'll add a.
And then the person has to redo the whole transaction.
You should not be allowed to do that.
And then the guy...
Once it's in, you're done.
Yeah, you're done.
And I was miserable.
And the people in front of me weren't miserable
because they had each other and they were like talking.
People, their little broken screens,
but they had each other.
Yeah, they found love in a hopeless place.
She had a broken screen that was being taken care of.
He had a new phone.
And she's like, you should get a case for that.
And he said, no, this is my overhead.
It's like your pistol.
Like in the army, you have your pistol.
And you got to know the weight of it so you can play with it.
And it has to be the same every day.
And you never
drop your pistol
you can drop your rifle
never drop your pistol
who is this weirdo
I don't know
Private Ryan
I think that's very dangerous
to have a caseless phone
my boyfriend doesn't
have a case on his phone
it makes me angry
but he knows
he knows the weight of it
yeah it's like his pistol
he drops it all the time
yeah
he drops his pistol all the time oh maybe it's his rifle it's like his pistol. He drops it all the time. He drops his pistol all the time.
Oh, maybe it's his rifle.
It's gone off and shot a few people.
Also, you're allowed to drop your rifle?
I don't know how guns work.
No, I mean, point, squeeze.
Have you ever shot a gun?
Yep.
Me too.
What kind?
At the West Edmonton Mall.
Most people have.
In the water park?
In the water park, yeah.
I bungee jumped and shot rifles out.
I went, Alberta!
Pipelines!
Was it a handgun?
Yeah, it was a handgun.
I was with a comic from Baltimore, and we went to the gun range, and we shot handguns.
It was very fun.
Yeah.
It's like you squeeze, and that's all you got to do.
I really hurt my thumb because they said keep your thumb down.
Yeah.
Because the thingy goes back.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I didn't keep it down enough and I really scraped it.
It hurts.
It hurts to shoot a gun.
Yeah.
And the guns are dangerous.
They are dangerous.
It comes out, the shell casing comes out so hot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would definitely burn my arm on the shell case.
Guys,
you know what?
Don't mess around with guns.
Yeah.
Stay away from guns.
Yeah.
Unless you happen to be in a mall that has,
uh,
you know,
a gun range.
Yeah.
There's probably a guy who,
whose job it is like your job would be to make sure people don't look bad
smoking.
There's definitely a guy who makes sure people know how to look good
shooting a gun.
Yeah.
And the, you Put it sideways.
Oh, I joked about that
and the guy was not having it. I said, can I
shoot it like, boo, boo, boo? He's like, no.
Oh, the shell casing will come out and
get you in the face.
She's blinded again.
She went blind in her right ear
from her fireworks bouquet
and then she lost her left eye
trying to shoot sideways
um yeah my uh overheard is uh oh please oh yes as courtesy of me uh getting the uh concierge
who what do you call the person behind the desk at a hotel. The clerk? The clerk. The concierge is a specific job, yeah.
And I asked him if he would call a cab for me,
and he was on hold for a long time,
and then when the guy came through, he said,
I need a cab at the Hojo,
and then there was an awkward pause,
and he said, Howard Johnson.
I think maybe they've been told to call it hojo but the rest
of us have not caught up to that i think oh really i think he's taking the bus who wouldn't call it
hojo yeah i mean hojo is fun to say it would be like when they were trying to be like when
chevrolet was they were they moved away from being called chevy and they're like no we're chevrolet now right but i feel like
people want it shorter yeah yeah ojo they want chevy they want my chevy to the hojo yeah they
want my d's yeah i hop um bogo um there was a great bogo deal at DQ the other day. Oh, yeah? What'd you get? Two for the price of one.
Blizzard deal.
Blizzard deal.
Yeah.
But I didn't know about it.
I should...
God, I gotta get on those emails.
I gotta start following...
I gotta get on that email list.
...DQ Canada on Instagram.
But I...
Because there were like two weeks of buy one, get one Blizzards.
Wow.
Second one, 99 cents.
That's a good deal.
That is a good deal.
Blizzards are amazing. They are. But should you be's a good deal. That is a good deal. Blizzards are amazing.
They are.
But should you be eating two of them at once?
Well, no, I have.
No, you bring a partner or a friend.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That guy from the phone store.
Yeah.
You bring him a blizzard.
That's nice.
That's all I got.
What's your go-to blizzard?
I like the mint Oreo.
Oh.
Yeah.
Delicious.
It is good.
Yeah.
I love an Oreo at Blizzard.
Yeah, me too.
They have a new, but this last, I don't know if it's just temporary, but they had two good
summer flavors.
Berry cheesecake?
No.
Okay.
Spider-Man surprise.
Spider-Man surprise.
What was his name?
Spider-Man surprise.
It's filled with.
That sounds gross.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It is gross.
Is it like a web?
Yeah, yeah. It's some kind of web that a guy a dairy queen shoots out it's just some cum jizz in a blizzard please just come uh it's uh no there
was a uh it was arrow and drumstick oh blizzard and there was a peanut butter O'Henry as well.
That's too much chocolate. Okay.
Yeah. I don't like chocolate.
Really? I like a chocolate
dip cone. I like those. Those are good.
Oh yeah, dip cones are fun. Chocolate dip cone.
I like it all.
Except the berry cheesecake apparently.
I like Spiderman
surprise. What was the
other one that you liked? The peanut butter one? The peanut butter O'Henry. Okay. I thought that-Man Surprise. What was the other one that you liked? The peanut butter one?
The peanut butter O'Henry.
Okay.
I thought that was all one.
I thought arrow.
Oh, no.
I'm like, holy, that's a lot.
Yeah.
No, no.
The peanut butter O'Henry was one and the arrow.
Have you had one of the blizzards where they have a shot of something?
Is it good?
It depends what it is.
I want the peanut butter one.
That's good.
I want a penicillin.
That's great. They do a penicillin. Yeah, that's great.
They do a shot of the flu shot, actually.
That's the best way to get the flu shot.
More people would get the flu shot if you got a blizzard.
There's like a chocolate.
You know you don't like chocolate.
But the fudge one was not very good.
What I want is it to be, I want it to be the dip cone stuff,
and I want it to get hard in the middle.
I had a really weird incident with dip cone chocolate.
It was my first boyfriend and I bought a book of how to be sexy.
I thought.
How to be sexy.
Chapter one.
It was like one of those.
The dip cone chapter chapter do you remember those
like they rip apart
and they have an activity
nope
okay well I had one of those
sex for dummies
yeah
and they said
get chocolate sauce
and pour it on
blah blah
be sexy that way
and uh
pour it all over the kitchen
so I saw
oh they have the hardening stuff
at this store
and I'm like
oh
I could like
put it on
and it would
I could eat it not thinking and it would i could eat
not thinking that it has to be cold in order for it to harden and so i have this we rent this was
like an anniversary and like this is my first sexual partner and uh so we um of many not just
to name one but one of the thousands.
But no, so we had like a hotel at like the Westin or something.
It's not that one by the Greyhound Terminal.
No, it was near that one though.
But so I was like, I poured it on and it comes out as like water.
Like it's very thin.
It's not like thick.
So, and I'm like, oh God, it's not like it's thick so and i'm like oh god it's a huge mess
the sheets it basically looked like he had diarrhea in the sheets
diarrhea in the sheets ice cream in the streets
it was one of my stupidest moments of my life i felt so I'm like, I didn't even think that it had to be cold in order to find it.
Hello housekeeping, I assure you that
it's just chocolate. Taste it.
You can smell it.
It's just chocolate.
I was trying to make our
sheets hard with chocolate sauce.
It was so embarrassing.
You've all read this book on
how to be sexy.
Yeah, Cosmo.
Oh, Cosmo. Oh, Cosmo.
Now, we also have overheards sent in from people all over the place.
If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org.
This first one came from John in Baltimore.
I have an overseen for you.
Maybe. I have an overseen for you. Maybe.
I don't know.
I just saw a young drunk girl walking out of a convenience store.
And an old, toothless, homeless woman asked for change.
And the drunk girl gave her a pack of Milk Duds.
That's nice.
That's change you can believe in.
Do you need teeth for Milk Duds?
No, you can suck them. Yeah, you can work them Do you need teeth for Milk Duds? Yeah.
Well, no.
You can suck them.
Yeah, you can work them.
Yeah, work them up against the gum.
There's not a hard center?
It's like malt.
The whole thing is hard.
But it's malt.
Isn't it that crunchy?
No, Milk Duds is kind of like a caramel.
Oh, you can suck that down.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know.
Like all that Milk Duds and Maltesers.
Yeah, that's Maltesers are the ones that are disgusting. Yeah, whatever. Yeah. Ugh. I like them. Oh, okay, yeah. I don't know. Like all that Milk Duds and Maltesers. Yeah, that's Maltesers are the ones that are disgusting.
Yeah.
Ugh.
I like them.
Oh, why?
It's awful.
Maybe it would be fine now, but as a kid, I didn't like them.
I hated them.
Yeah?
Maybe I'd have to try them again.
Maybe in a blizzard.
Maybe in a blizzard.
That one wasn't from John in Baltimore.
That was from Chris in Vancouver.
I got it all flipped around.
Oh, okay.
This one's from John in Baltimore. John in Baltimore is seething right now. John in Baltimore, you got from Chris in Vancouver. I got it all flipped around. Oh, okay. This one's from John in Baltimore.
John in Baltimore
is seething right now.
John in Baltimore,
you got a lot to live up to.
This is something
that was read in a newspaper.
No.
It said,
he took a date to the park
where he was gored by a bison
figuring it wouldn't happen again.
He was wrong.
A bison?
Yeah.
And he got gored again. baltimore i mean bison's
yeah you know outlying areas yeah sure are there a lot of bisons in maryland no no but the ones
that are there are angry yeah it might have been a newspaper piece from montana got picked up
nationally yeah yeah yeah i mean if you get get gored twice by the same bison.
Then you guys need to go have a mediation.
Yeah, that's true.
You really need to go and sit down and talk it out.
Have you ever seen a bison?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you guys are from Alberta.
Just outside of Edmonton, there's Elk Island Park.
Oh, I saw one a few weeks ago, too.
It's filled with bison. Where did you see yours? I saw one of themonton, there's Elk Island Park. Oh, I saw one a few weeks ago, too. It's filled with bison.
Where did you see yours?
I saw one at the P&E.
At the farm area?
No, loose, goring people.
My mom used to work for Alberta Culture,
so she was marketing for all the museums around Alberta.
And there's one in southern Alberta called Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump.
World famous. World famous.
World famous.
Really amazing museum.
It's actually very interesting.
But so she had this
like bison mascot
because she was doing
a trade show.
And so she had it
in the back of the car.
My brother
put the bison hat on
and went running
towards my cat
who like just exploded.
Like I've never seen him get so big
and like freaked.
It was just the funniest thing ever
because my brother was pretty scrawny
at that point in his life.
It was this giant buffalo
and this tiny scrawny body
and my cat lost its shit.
I mean, I'd lose my shit
if I saw that coming up.
Especially if you were a cat.
Do you have a cat now? I have two. You should put that ALF mask on and see if you can that coming at me. Especially if you were a cat. Do you have a cat now?
I have two.
You should put that ALF mask on and see if you can do the same thing.
That's the one downfall.
Do you have two cats and a dog?
Two dogs.
I have too many animals.
And a bison.
And a bison.
One bison.
Yeah.
But he's a nice bison.
He doesn't gore people.
Yeah.
He prefers to be called a buffalo, by the way.
Oh.
Well, fair enough.
I don't know what the difference is.
Yeah, me neither.
I don't think there's a difference.
There has to be a difference.
It's not like crocodile and alligator.
There has to be a difference.
One is later and one's after a while.
You decide which is which.
This last one comes from Aaron Parts unknown
My girlfriend and I were sitting on a patio
Enjoying a hot delicious meal
Sounds good
Too hot
What kind of meal?
I don't want a hot meal on a patio
Give me oysters
There were two very chatty people sitting at
A very different table
Talking about the owners of the place
When I overheard this. Lady talking
at table behind me points at
man's dog. You have a cat, right?
Man at table across from her.
Yeah, it's a dog.
Lady, what's his name?
Man. Bert. Lady
looks confused. Man.
B-U-R-T.
Lady, very confidently.
Oh, like Ernest and Bert.
Ernest and Bertrand.
Ernest and Bert.
Yeah.
Did you hear that HBO's got all the rights to Sesame Street?
Oh, yeah.
A couple years ago.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I thought that was new.
What are they going to do with it?
There were all these memes a couple years ago. Is that? Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought that was new. What are they going to do with it? There were all these memes a couple years ago of incorporating the wire.
Yes.
These are the memes I crave.
Yeah.
Wire, Sesame Street crossover, maybe some Soprano stuff.
Yeah, sure.
True Blood.
Righteous Gemstones.
Watch it.
Watch it.
I will.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it, John Goodman.
I love him.
In addition to overhears that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.
If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.
That's one.
Ugh.
SpyPod 1.
Like these people have.
Home button works again.
Hey!
Hello, Dave and Graham and guests.
My name is Sam.
I'm in Alta, Utah, and I'm at an Oktoberfest.
And I was just walking up the path next to this little pond,
and this guy in, like, Lederhosen and the little German hat
slips and dunks his foot in the pond and says,
Oh, I rolled my ankle.
Oh, what the fuck's up duck
what the fuck's up duck i just really like that he just saw it and immediately yeah
i mean with a phone number like that you can't get it yeah it's uh yeah seeing somebody in a
silly costume slip top top drawer all their ankle
and say what the fuck's up duck in a pond where the duck lives oh man uh have you ever been to
an october fest um i have been to like a like a german beer party but not like a fish i do want
to go to october yeah me too that'd be so fun yeah it'd be really fun pretzels
all the pretzels
all the bratwurst
yeah
yeah
that'd be the brat best
brat best
I'm bad
hey Dave and Graham
and
guests
this is Aaron
from Ontario
with an overheard
I was
in the grocery store
buying some pierogies
they're delicious
I was standing in the aisle store buying some pierogies. They're delicious.
I was standing in the aisle, and a woman was behind me.
I don't know what she was looking at, but she was talking to herself.
And this is what I heard.
Looking at something, and she's like, oh, a trap.
No chicken.
Beef flavor, I guess.
Thai flavor. Oh, we don't want that
I'm not trying to prove a point
and that's
what I walked away
enjoy that
I'm not trying to prove a point
yeah you know
like this is the way
this marriage is gonna be
Thai
yeah
oh well no
yeah I can't
bring home that kind of ramen
yeah yeah yeah
this is not
this is no time
no time to try my thai recipe
um you guys like thai food i do like thai food yeah yeah great i might do i can't why
oh peanuts i always forget about your peanuts shrimp from oh you're allergic to shrimp too
oh my god peanuts and shrimp oh i'm so sorry you will not like the new blizzard
dairy queen of siam my friend my friend worked at mcdonald's and said a pregnant woman came
through the drive-thru once and asked if they would make a flurry with pickles and they did
oh sure she said that would have been the best day ever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't say no
to a pregnant lady.
No.
No.
I mean,
she should have said no
a few months ago.
I know what she did
last summer.
In that movie
when she gets the letter
that says,
I know what you did
last summer.
I haven't seen it.
When did you last watch this?
I just watched it last week.
Okay, well,
this is why it's so fresh
and quiet.
We're doing nothing
but scary movies
for October
oh that's awesome
I like to spookify myself
oh I love it
is that true?
yeah I'm watching
a lot of scary movies
but in the movie
you haven't seen
what do you think
the note would look like
because they get a note
says I know he did
scrawled
yeah
like really like
jagged
yeah
or maybe letters cut out of different magazines.
It's the nicest handwriting in just like a felt pen on like a cue card.
It just had a PA writing.
Yeah, exactly.
The original one got damaged.
It was the guy from inside the actor's studio.
I know what you did last summer.
And also what is your favorite curse word?
Although if you're threatening someone, you're
going to want to ask.
If you go to heaven, if heaven exists,
what would you like God to say?
Yeah. Yeah, what would you like
if heaven exists, what would you like God to say?
It's all inclusive.
Cash bar.
Here's your final overhers.
Hi, Dave and Graham.
It's Braden from Newcastle with an overseeing.
I just saw a, looks like an abandoned car in a parking lot.
And on the back where you would normally write, wash me.
Someone's written in the dirt.
I eat ass.
Off I go.
Pip pip.
dirt. I ate ass.
Off I go.
Pip pip.
Why is it like everybody advertises that now?
The ass eating?
Yeah, like it's becoming... They had a big sign outside
the cell clinic today. Yeah, yeah.
And also Dairy Queen.
That's the new Blizzard flavor.
I think Dairy Queen
might be my favorite restaurant overall and i don't even like the food
i was gonna say what's your favorite absolutely if you could only get one dairy queen no but at
dairy queen like what treat would you get look i would get a peanut butter parfait made with
caramel sauce instead of fudge sauce it's amazing uh. I like, there's a brownie, anything they do with the brownies.
Yeah.
They seem to incorporate brownies and whipped cream into a lot of things.
When I was a kid, they used to have hard ice cream and there was this hard chocolate ice
cream with crumbled up cookie bits, peanut butter sauce, whipped cream, and I don't know.
We're all going to go to dad's favorite restaurant, Dairy Queen.
It's dad's birthday, so he wants to go to Dairy Queen for dinner.
In Edmonton, you can get a Dairy Queen ice cream cake on Skip the Dishes.
Oh, wow.
You can get it delivered to your house.
Can you like...
With the instructions, open the door and just put it in my lap.
I'm not getting up.
It's my birthday.
Get a spoon from the drawer and hand it to me and get the fuck out.
And I want the cake to say, eat it.
Just eat it.
Oh, boy.
Well, that brings us to the end of this year.
Yeah, this is it, baby.
It's been lovely.
I'm so glad I saw you guys again.
Yeah. Yeah, this is it, baby. It's been lovely. I'm so glad I saw you guys again. Yeah.
Yeah.
What would you like to plug
before we say goodbye?
My first album is out.
Oh, yeah.
It's called Deliciously Vulgar.
Deliciously Vulgar.
Yeah.
It's on everywhere.
iTunes, Spotify.
It's on Raw Dog in the States,
which I'm so excited about.
Oh, really?
Because that's been a goal of mine for a very long time to get on Raw Dog, and it's on Spotify. It's on Raw Dog in the States, which I'm so excited about because that's been
a goal of mine
for a very long time
to get on Raw Dog
and it's on there.
How do you,
they said,
this is raw enough
for Raw Dog?
It's raw enough.
We can put her
in a Raw Dog.
No.
It's gross.
No,
they just,
my label submitted it
and they picked
three tracks
that they liked.
Nice.
So yeah,
it's very exciting
and I'm working on getting a clean 10 minutes because christina walkinshaw has convinced me that i want
to be on a cruise ship doing comedy oh yeah it just sounds too easy and amazing and all you need
is 10 minutes you need three unique clean 10 minute sets but she's like you can get away with
like just a lot of crowd work and like your clean stuff. Right.
She's like, you have a one show that's family.
So you have to be very clean because there's going to be kids there.
There's another one that's like PG-13.
So if they bring their kids, it's their own.
And then there's an adult one later.
But we should start bringing the clean podcast onto the cruise ship.
Yes.
Yeah.
That's kind of where I wanted to kill myself.
I know some people say it sounds like the worst place to go but I'm like I think that sounds
fun
I don't know
have you been on a cruise yet
no
they're weird
I know they're weird
but I like weird
okay
yeah
you do
I do
I like you guys
yeah
okay
so keep an eye out
for Kathleen on
yeah
Grindstone Comedy Festival
hopefully next year
yeah and your podcast and my podcast at Baby Bear make sure when you're searching it out for Kathleen on Grindstone Comedy Festival hopefully next year. Grindstone Comedy Festival. Yeah.
And your podcast.
And my podcast,
That Baby Bear.
Make sure when you're
searching it,
you type podcast after.
Yeah.
That's right.
Or just search
in a podcast app.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do we have anything?
I just want everyone
to, you know,
enjoy the rest
of the spookiness
of the month.
There's 10 more days
of it. 10 more days.
I have something to plug.
Oh, do you? Yeah.
At the Havana Theater,
the week of
November 11th, I believe,
November 14th, Chris Locke is going to be
doing some... That's exciting.
At the Havana.
Doing some comedy stuff.
I love Chris Locke. So funny. His Twitter is. Doing some comedy stuff. I love Chris Locke.
So funny.
His Twitter is one of my favorite Twitters.
Yeah.
It's just so ridiculous.
I liked,
I like that every couple of days,
he's like,
I'm quitting comedy and now I'm a poet.
I've toured with him.
He's interesting.
Yeah, I love him.
Yeah.
Well, thank you so much for being our guest.
Thank you for having me.
All you listeners out there, if you like the show, why not tell a friend?
Or, you know what?
Write a review on iTunes.
And thanks so much for listening.
Have a good day.
Treat each other really nice.
And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
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