Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 62 - Cam MacLeod

Episode Date: May 11, 2009

Sketch comedian Cam MacLeod joins us to give nicknames to our neighbourhood characters, talk about being handcuffed, and more prom-talk.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Woo! What kind of car did you have? I saw you drive up. Is it a Gio?

Is it a Suzuki? It's a Ford. The Ford Fiesta? Ford Festiva. Festiva. Oh, Festiva. Commonly confused with a Fiesta. Right.

Which a lot of people say. But it is, in fact, Festiva. But don't let that make you think that you can't sing uh festiva forever no yeah don't let that stop you don't let that stop you from i don't know that song but caribbean queen did you see it no oh it's uh it's white and it's got uh like a um a uh a tropical scene on the side oh i'm I'm going to look forward to it. Purple palm trees. But that came from the factory, I assume.

Oh, that's straight from the factory. Okay. Really? Oh, yeah. The best part about that car is that my dad, I've had it for about two years, but before that my mom had it for about 14 because my dad bought it for her for i believe it was mother's day or her birthday so brand new your mother is also your dad's mother

wait wait a minute um did it come with a big bow on it? No, but the first day that my dad brought it home, he's like, hey, you want to go for a ride to the store? And then we got in it, and when we got onto 216th Avenue in Maple Ridge, he really opened it up and went from first to fifth in about four blocks and was trying to impress me with how fast it could go with its little four-cylinder engine that was a lot of cylinders back yeah four cylinders light you can get a lot of a four-cylinder engine i agree should i introduce you oh yeah let's do a podcast uh hello everybody and welcome to episode number 63? Wrong. 62! Yeah.

Duh! That'll be my undoing. I've stopped podcasting yourself. My name's Graham Clark and join me on this beautiful summer day where we've decided to stay indoors to record a podcast. Technically it's spring. Oh yeah, it is spring. But you could fool somebody with pictures of this day if you said, name that season.

Do you think that they would land on spring instantly? They might with the cherry blossoms. Ooh, touche. Joining me, as always, is cherry blossom aficionado, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah. I don't know a lot about cherry blossoms. Are they native to here? Because those trees...

They're Japanese, aren't they? Yeah, and the trees... There's rows and rows, but they're just... They've been planted by the city. They grow rows and rows, but they're not in Flanders Fields. Right, between the poppies. Yeah, they have nothing to do with that. Wait, crosses.

Is that all you know about uh i also think uh i think washington dc is also famous for their um uh cherry blossoms i think you're thinking of cherry trees and george washington oh right right one down yeah to make his dentures yeah and uh joining us today is a very funny man, host of the once-monthly hero show at the Cafe MoMart, sketch comedian. From the sketch troupe Manhussie. Manhussie. And just all-around cool guy. Beardsman.

Well-known Beardsman. Ford Festiva driver. Cam McLeod, how's it going? It's going great. how are you guys doing? Oh, so wonderful, thanks for joining us Oh, no problem I was feeling On the way over here, when I drove up here

And I parked my Festiva On a bed of cherry blossom petals They kind of float in the air And it makes you feel like a king Like in Coming to America When he always has the rose petals at his feet, every time I park my car on a bunch of cherry blossom petals, I feel like a king. Because they're in the pre-rotted phase. Yeah, they're not quite brown and dingy.

Yeah, when they get brown and dingy, this city goes from majestic to sad very quickly. Well, it's like a snowfall that just gets muddy. Yeah, exactly. And they get dragged into your house. Yeah. That happens now anyway. And then they get brown and dingy in your house. So that's fun. A lot of vacuuming. Yeah.

A lot of good vacuuming stories come out of that. So many vacuuming stories. Shall we get to know us? I would like that. Get to know us. Well, we're get to know us? I would like that. Get to know us. Well, we're getting to know Cam. He lives next to a gospel, in between a gospel and some prostitutes. A gospel mission.

Yeah. Nestled snugly in between a gospel and prostitutes. Is it okay down in that area? Do you have any troubles? No, not at all. It's pretty easy. They're pretty timid.

Yeah, yeah. We're talking about the gospel missionaries? We're talking about just street folk. Yeah. They're kind of like scared cats sometimes. Or, you know, you don't spook them they don't

spook you sure you know do you ever this has happened to me in my neighborhood do you ever try to park your car around prostitutes and they think you're stopping for them i have definitely pulled up right in front of my like a prostitute was walking down the street right in front of my house and i pulled up and parked and she stopped and fully like did the like lean over and like knock on the window and i was just like nope just go into my house not gonna tell you which one it is but you're welcome it's it's very nearby closely i had a uh my uh my roommate had to uh kick kick a john and a prostitute out from the side path of our house once. Really? Oh, to get into the

house? No, just to stop the fellatio from happening on the property. Yeah, it does drive the property value down. Any real estate agent will tell you the same. Bake some cookies to make it feel like home. Get rid of the prostitute. A higher stager.

On the front walk. And try not to let anyone know you live in fellatio row. Oh lordy. So what's going on? What's going on in general? I know you're organizing, or you're helping to organize a big festival in the summer. Yes, in August. It's the Olio

Festival. Which I am involved in. Yes, both of you are involved in, which I'm very excited about, actually. Mark it down on your calendar, Dave. I say yes to everything. It's not just like a sure, why not? And the Oleo Festival, it's in August? It's August 13th to 16th, and it's a four-day festival with music, art, comedy, and film. Sounds pretty good.

And yeah, it's kind of, it's the first kind of thing like it, I think, that Vancouver's had that's kind of independently run. Nice. Kind of like a bumper shoot? Kind of like a South by Southwest in Vancouver because it is all locally based in the city. Nice. But each day is going to be

focusing on a different neighborhood so as far as venues go uh thursday is going to be highlighting gastown um friday will be on main street saturday is downtown and then sunday is like a kind of end of the festival outdoor party at second beach in the park so no no Karisdale. Karisdale doesn't get to contribute. No Karisdale. No Point Grey. No University Hill. Nuts. But yeah, it should be really fun and

we have a lot of local talent. A lot of... We're truly blessed. We are truly blessed with all the talent that we have here in Vancouver. It's almost too much. Well, you've got to sift through it, right? There's so much talent. It's like a goldmine.

It's like that American beauty line. There's too much beauty in the world, so let's look at a plastic bag instead. Yeah. Right? You know what I'm talking about. And as for the audiences in Vancouver, there's too much apathy. Yeah, exactly. When those two things collide, the awesomeness of talent

and the apathy of audience, the resounding silence is palatable. Best of luck with that. Is there a website? Is it oleofestival.com? It just went up and we're going to be

doing a lot of updates and stuff. And what else has been going on? Usually we save the plugs for later. Yeah, but what's making you tick? What's making me tick?

Well, let me tell you, Fikes. Oh, I said folks. I said folks. I said folks. I was folks. Well, you said Fikes. Okay. But that's not offensive.

Yeah. Except to Fikeses. Fikes is a slur. Lesbian Fikeses. No, yeah. I don't know. We just finished doing... lesbian ficuses no yeah I don't know we've we just finished doing

I've been working with Connor Haller and Craig from Bronx Cheer both of whom have been guests of the program yes they've been on the show both very funny and

we just finished doing some promo videos for Music Waste which is another festival so you're doing a lot of festival a lot of festival a lot of plugs

a lot of plugs I'm just keeping festival plugs. A lot of plugs. I'm just keeping busy, you know. We did six videos, and we wrote them all based around rock venues. So each video has a sketch based at a rock venue. I got an email that said, hey, we need extras for a thing we're shooting at a rock venue. We need people to be down there between

the hours. It was like crazy hours. It was like 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. on a weekday. The regular time the rock show happens. Yeah, that's true. You're getting into a rock show for free. And we need you to walk in front of a camera once. But

we got them all filmed, and we put the first one on the internet last week, and there's going to be a new one coming out every week for the next five weeks. MusicWays.ca. MusicWays.ca. It's going to be fun. So now no more plugging things.

No more plugging, but I've got so many things to plug. Well, what else are you doing? We're not learning who you are. We're learning what else are you doing we're not learning who you are we're learning what you are what we're learning what it is not what it is my brother what it is um no yeah uh well we're just we're trying to do a lot of work um we've got a i started a new show um at the biltmore uh with ryan steel from the ryan steelle Show called Secret Whispers. Secret Whispers. And that is this Tuesday.

And then we have an Oleo fundraiser on Friday at Richards, which I'm really excited about. This is more plugs. I know. I know. You tricked us. I know. It sounded like you were going to go into a story about something. No, I came in here with a power bar, and I'm just filling it with plugs.

Man, I don't like it. Just filling it with plugs. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry. Oh, a power bar filled with plugs. That's not bad. It's plugs i'm sorry guys i'm sorry what do you think what do you think this is jimmy fallon late night did it has anybody oh yeah i've seen it's great i record it every night and i literally fast forward the whole thing the only thing that i do the only thing that i watched the only thing that i watched and i was on the very first very

first episode and i was like i going to give this a chance, even though I know I'm not a big fan of Jimmy Fallon. But I kind of am. I kind of hate to love him. Love to hate him. Yeah, love to hate him. I hate to love him. Yeah.

No, I don't. I love the way he loves the way he loves me. But he did a slow jam in the news with The Roots. And it was pretty much The Roots who made it. What happened to The Roots? They became his band, I guess. No, but remember, they were like an actual band. Yeah, they're a band that white hip-hop fans love. So, yeah, what happened happened how did they end up

becoming a house band it's not they're not like like max weinberg and the weinberg seven which i assume didn't exist until conan o'brien came along big hip-hop following before it started but it's a weird is that not a weird is that not a step down am i wrong uh it's not a weird... Is that not a step down? Am I wrong? It's not a step up, is it? Well, it's kind of... No, it's a steady paycheck. Yeah, it's a deputy. And it's a lot of exposure. I think I heard they said that if this hadn't come along, they probably would have broken up.

But the funny thing is that... Weird. See, Jimmy Fallon is live, right? So it's taped live. Yeah. So here I am watching Jimmy Fallon live and just cringing my way through it and enjoying the roots.

And then the next day I'm at UBC at a barbecue fundraiser. No, not a fundraiser. I don't know what it is. It's like end of school. Someone else is getting drunk. You want a plug? No, no. It was like the end of school. Someone doesn't want to plug? No, no.

It was like the end of school. I think it used to be Arts County Fair, but now they can't call it that anymore. And Thunderbird Stadium is too big or something, so they have it just in the area there. So my friends are like, oh, yeah, come down and check it out. So I go down there, and the Roots are playing it. And I guess they flew in from doing that show weird straight to ubc to perform so they're going from like jimmy fallon live to ubc to do like a afternoon mixer where everyone's so drunk okay this is the best part of the whole thing

i go there uh i show up right when the free beer runs out. And so I'm staying there, and I'm like, oh, wait. Questlove had to fight over the last Budweiser. Well, he actually put his hand down on the plastic cup of beer that I was reaching for. And I couldn't say anything to him. Really? Is that true? No, it's a lie. Oh, man.

What a good story that was. This is true. I'm standing there smoking a Cuban cigar, almost puking my guts out because a friend of mine came back from Cuba. You're not supposed to inhale them, right? No, I know. I know this. He was handing them out because he just had a baby. That was my thing for the whole day.

I was just lying about that, trying to get everyone to like me and give me their beer that they were still drinking. And give you applause breaks. that they were still drinking and give you applause break but uh there was there was a fence in the because i was in like the side area kind of backstage area and there was a fence that was about uh four feet high and there was only like two security guards in the front and so when the routes go on obviously everyone just starts jumping the fence to get into this like crazy little like cow like trough like cows there you know when they like move they heard them into a oh like yeah yeah yeah an abattoir um there was like that metaphor is out of control so they're trying to jump in in there and there's like this one security guard who's

literally like a 40 year old like nigerian man who's very skinny and doesn't really know what he what to do and he's just kind of like no don't do that stop please stop doing that and then there's like eight other people like jumping on his right side so he turns there no you guys get in and more people jump so there's this one girl security guard saying, you're going to get me fired. Yeah, exactly. Guys, seriously. Come on. Come on, guys. But there was this one UBC student who was obviously really drunk. And she was a blonde girl.

Like, you know, pretty. She was pretty. And she was like, oh, I'm going to climb up here and get closer. So she gets her friends to push her up, and she gets up there and has her knee on the fence, and as she tries to get over, hooks both of her toes on the fence, and goes straight face first,

arms behind her back, into the ground. Oh, it was brutal. And I see it happen. I'm like, oh my god. And she kind of like, kind of like is on the ground, kind of like just like rolling around face down like obviously kind of like kind of knocked about and uh and by this point in time

but this point in time the slender scared uh body like guard or the security got a bigger dude to come in who was kind of like forcing people out of the uh milking cow milking lineup sure and uh and he kind of grabs the girl by the back of the shirt and like pulls her up and he's like you got to get out of here and kind of like pushes her and he pushes her right at me and she is so dazed her eyes are like all over the place and she just kind of like stumbles past me not realizing that her bottom row of teeth are completely through her lip oh stop it my goodness and that's how i met your mother oh wow wow you could have uh warned us that was a doozy of an ending have you done that huh i've put my teeth through my lip before no i've never done ever uh when i was a kid uh i was about 11 12 and my parents were going out for the night. And so it was Saturday night, and they brought me back McDonald's.

And so I was so happy. I had this bag of McDonald's. I ran from the kitchen to the living room and wiped out. No one saw me wipe out. And I hit my face on the armrest of the couch, and my teeth went through my lip. But then they came out they weren't still there like this girl yeah they were hers were really but then I I can I

came back into the kitchen with a handful of blood and like bleeding out of my mouth and my parents laughed at me because they thought I had taken the ketchup oh you are doing a hilarious gag. I was doing a hilarious gag. And then our next door neighbor was a doctor, and we went over there to see if I needed stitches. And the doctor's son went, this reminds me of that scene in The Godfather with the horse's head in the bed. But I never understood how it seemed like that.

Well, there's a lot of blood. I think he had probably just seen that. Oh, and his dad owed uh movie studio and let fredo have a role it was the same setup um i've never had that where my but i i've had that where i've had some sort of accident and i didn't know how bad i looked but everybody else that sees you is like oh jesus buddy get that taken care of yeah because i had a thing where uh i don't know exactly what happened but i was uh it was camping and i think maybe an ember or something must have gone in my eye through your face from from the fire and so

and we had been drinking and stuff so i didn't realize it happens but my eye had swollen up almost completely shut and but had really swollen out. So it looked like somebody had really belted me in the face or something. But to me, I didn't... I should have known because I could only see out of one eye. Like one eye had decided to seal up completely. And everybody kept asking, hey, oh, whoa. But everybody that I looked at just made this horrible face.

Like, ah! But nobody said, like, here's some ice or something. They just assumed that I knew what was going on. But it was like Martin Short in that movie where he has the big allergic reaction. Pure luck. Yes. I was like, pure luck. Where he turns into that fat character that he played in another movie.

Jiminy Glick. Jiminy Glick. Yeah, exactly. Have you seen the woman who got the face transplant? Yes. That must be every day for her. I have not seen this. Jiminy, yeah.

I feel bad. Here's the thing I learned about face transplants. I didn't mean Jiminy Glick. I just meant people reacting like, oh, shit. Oh, yeah. It looks good. It looks, compared to what was, what is, is a vast, vast improvement. Because she had...

Oh, is this Susan Boyle? No. Boom! It was... She got shot in the face. Old school. Yeah. Do you know that if you get a face transplant,

the donor has to be, it has to be a live donor. You can't take it from a dead person. It has to be from somebody who's still alive. Like the movie Face Off. Yeah, exactly like the movie Face Off. So you better not get it with an evil guy because the face will drive you crazy.

It's usually someone with movie star good looks. Like, say, a Nick Cage. Or a John Travolta. In his later years. Is that the movie with the line, You're crazy. Yeah. Cool, ain't it? Yeah.

But he should have gone, You're crazy. And he'd be like, Uh-uh. You're crazy and point it at his own face. Because every time you point a finger, you point three fingers back at your fake face. I never saw that. I need to go back and, like, I never saw that. I never saw Con Air.

I never saw Broken Arrow. I never saw The Rock. I never saw The Rock. I did see The Rock recently. The Rock is great. The Rock's great. Armageddon, I only recently saw. Armageddon is almost unwatchable. Con Air is pretty terrible.

His hair in Con Air is pretty terrible. And his accent. Oh, yeah, that's right. He had a really, like, fake-o. He's Cajun. Really, like, Cajun. I guarantee. I made that up.

Oh, speaking of terrible movies. Wait. Should I wait for until we... Wolverine. Has anybody seen Wolverine? Yeah, I saw it. Did you see it? Oh, yeah, I saw it.

Oh, how bad was it? It's pretty terrible. How bad? Oh, my God. It's pretty... Like, step by step throughout that entire movie, I felt like I was like marking a paper like a story written by like a kid in grade three and i was a teacher being like listen i can i can

see where you're going your foreshadowing is way too blatant oh man how many scenes were there three at least where the camera goes up top and he does the, no. Yeah, he does the screaming to the sky right, like, literally five minutes after his love interest tells the story of a wolf that howl, a wolverine howling to the moon. Yeah, oh, yeah, she does. But wolverines don't howl, do they? No. Yeah, oh yeah, she dies. But wolverines don't howl, do they? No.

The thing is, that's a very good kind of analogy. It was like watching a thing, and you're like, I see where you wanted this to go, but then it never, and Will.i.am is in it. And you wear the cowboy hat with, like, a very flamboyant ribbon around it. Yeah. He needs to stop doing anything but Black Eyed Peas work. So Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas is in this. Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas was just in the new

Street Fighter movie. When's Apple the apps roll? Is it not weird? Because in the same week, I saw that Will.i.am was in the Wolverine movie. And then he also had an editorial piece on the Huffington Post. What? And remember when he was the CNN correspondent as a hologram during the Obama win?

Yes, of course. Wearing fur boots. So it's kind of weird. He's like one of these celebrities, kind of like Jamie Foxx, where it's like people stop paying attention or corralling and saying, no, no, just stick to the music, by all means. Don't branch out. We don't need you to work on other projects.

We're not quite sure what you do, but we know you're famous. Yeah. So I guess you can be the guest on the Bonnie Hunt show. Do you think that we could get on the Bonnie Hunt show? You and I? No. I saw Billy Bob Thornton on there right after he did

his big blow up. I heard about this. Wait, is this the one where he was just like would you ask tom petty that yeah uh what an ass oh my god but he went on the bonnie hunt show for like two segments and it was all like he was such a nice guy and it was all him just trying to be like hey i'm a good guy like he wasn't defending himself but he was being really friendly and outgoing to me the bonnie hunt show like that just sounds like a show from like the 50s yeah is no longer in syndication whose name is bonnie hunt uh well one ladies yeah

billy bob thornton see that's the one thing about I think we've talked about it before on the podcast the kind of thing that happens when you know too much about a given celebrity to allow them the suspension of disbelief that it requires to enjoy them in any given role so that was like watching

Hugh Jackman in the Wolverine movie at no point was he not Hugh Jackman. There's a part where he's in the lumberjack camp. And I said it looked like the scene in Zoolander where Zoolander goes and works in a mine. Oh, completely. Because there's nothing about Hugh Jackman that

looks like he could work. Exactly. I think I'm getting the black love. He's doing all the cotton swabs to get the black on his face. That's what it looked like. There's a scene

where Hugh Jackman has an axe over his shoulder and he looks back to his girlfriend and he smiles. All the other guys in the truck,

decrepit. He's the only guy with a full set of teeth. He's just, everything about him is too Hugh Jackman. Too handsome. Yeah.

Yeah. But also too Hugh Jackman. Too handsome. Yeah, yeah. But also too Hugh Jackman. Like, once he sang and danced on the Oscars, you know? Like, seeing him as this, and the special effects were bad. You know what I'd like to see? Wolverine in a tuxedo and those claws coming out while wearing a tuxedo. Yeah, that's pretty good. If he's got the Mickey Mouse gloves. Yeah, and they just tear through the white gloves. And then he does a dance number. It'd be good if he was at the Mickey Mouse gloves tear through the white gloves

and then he does a dance number it'd be good if he was at a casino or something and then he got mad, well they don't come out just when he's mad that's the Hulk I'm thinking of what about the Hulk in a tuxedo I've only seen the ads for Wolverine, I won't see it I have no interest in that

the claws look fake they look faker than they did in the original x-men that came out seven years i don't know how that happened that the claws now look like they don't look like they're attached to his body they look uh they have like a different they literally just look like large knives from your kitchen coming out of it's like it's no longer like yeah there's nothing humane about those adamantium blades coming out of his hand right what happened to the humanity of the blades um hey graham what's going on with you uh oh you're running for uh senate yeah i'm running for Senate. Finally.

I don't know. I'm actually on the ballot for this election. The BC provincial election on Tuesday is the actual voting night. So if you live what's the riding called? Vancouver Fairview. So it's between 33rd

and kind of like False Creek area. And between Maine and... Maine and Arbutus. Okay. That's the general riding. Does this go down to the water? Goes almost down to the water. So me living on Cordova, can I...

No. No, you're on the other side. So I can't vote for you? No. You can move. Actually, I've heard of people getting the wrong ballots uh or just showing up the wrong voting stations and being allowed to vote so maybe you can i'll play dumb yeah yeah exactly um so yeah tuesday and um it's been it's for the show for the tv show I work for. That's why I did it. But the other night, I had the pleasure of meeting the two other major candidates in the writing. But one of the major candidates, the third one, I never got to meet because she wouldn't show up at this radio debate that we did.

But she's been doing door knocking in my neighborhood. And she came up to the door and uh it was like you know six or seven o'clock dinner time ish maybe 7 30 um and i've been drinking already sure the sun's still up it's five o'clock somewhere is what i said like slashes snake Pit always said. So then, yeah, she came to the door and she said, Hi, I'm such and such. Have you considered who you're going to vote for? And I said,

Boy, have I! And she looked very incredulous. You actually said that? Yes, because I'd been drinking. And you were wearing the Mickey Mouse gloves. And you were wearing a cloth hat. The claws came out. But yeah, I said, I am actually running against you.

And she couldn't have looked more like, let's just get out of here. This guy's drunk. I'm not believing you at all. Yeah, no, exactly. And you were drunk, but you were also right. But I was also correct. I was drunk and correct. But yeah, we just kind of left it at that.

She said, well, anyways, I'll leave this card here for you to considerate. But she didn't... I don't think for a second she believed that I was actually on the ballot. It's a real meeting of the minds. I think if you win, it would be a tragedy.

It would be the worst thing that would ever happen. But that's not going to happen. Well, yeah. If you come in second, it would be hilarious. Wouldn't that be great if I came in like a like a close second vote behind like one vote one vote behind and from then on you just wear like tuxedo tails everywhere everywhere you go and act like you did win

yeah because the winners will be dressed in their tuxedo the whole time um but like if you like there's three major or two major parties in the third there's the liberals the ndp and the greens that'll come in one two three uh in basically every riding if you can come in fourth i think that's still a huge accomplishment that's pretty significant yeah i bet you i bet you i come All right. That's my... Let's hope for a bronze, though. You think I can... Well, maybe. You know? I've been promoting it on television pretty heavily.

I've been on the radio. And I've been PVRing that television show. And I do intend on watching it. One of these days. And also, I handed out buttons. The buttons are the biggest thing because that's how i found out yeah because i saw that's how this guy saw it and i was like momentum wait a minute what's this and then i heard graham's running for graham's running for office for

office graham clark went to washington vancouver washington yeah to meet some chicks from Portland so yeah so that's the that's the big thing the significant thing get out and vote if anybody here is of voting age in Vancouver or BC in general

yeah because you know you're looking in the man in the mirror you're asking him to change his ways. Blood on the dance floor. And that is the only candidate that will quote Michael Jackson. That's been the bulk of any speech giving or whatever. It's been a lot of quoting.

Yeah. Things. The girl is mine. If BC was a girl, then I would say the girl is mine if bc was a girl then i would say the girl is mine thank you i want to rock with you all night so yeah so that's what's going on now with that awesome but yeah oh yeah dave what's going on with you, buddy? Well, two things. First of all, you know Lady Gaga? Yeah, do I? I recently started doing this funny thing where instead of calling her Lady Gaga,

I started calling her Lady Gaga. Oh, yeah. So that's one. I call her Our Lady of Gaga. Yeah. To make her sound religious. I once had a joke about, and it didn't go well, so I never told it again. I call her Our Lady of Gaga to make her sound religious. I once had a joke about and it didn't go well

so I never told it again. Was that Our Lady of Perpetual Gaga? Yeah, that's right. Attending the performing arts high school Our Lady of Perpetual Gaga. Her new song trumps her old song. I don't know her new song.

What's her new song? The Love Game? Are you saying Love Game is way better than Poker Face? No, I'm saying it trumps it for hilarious bottom diving. What would you call that? Hitting lows. Bottoming out?

Dumpster diving? Dumpster diving. That's it. Really? The Love Game song is... At least Poker Face seemed to have. That's it. Really? The Love Game song is... At least Poker Face seemed to have a theme behind it. He can't read my poker face. Love Game? What the fuck is that song about? Well, it's kind of like with Poker Face, it was like, okay, poker's really big these days.

It's on TV. I can relate to this. You're talking about poker. Right. Love Game, she's not explaining what game she's referring to. Yeah, probably poker. Yeah. Or the game of life.

Well, if it was the game of life or Monopoly. Candyland. Mousetrap. Oh, my God. Speaking of poker, you recall in Wolverine, did you see the guest cameo by the poker star in the scene where he meets Gambit? Okay, hold on. Now, we need to get into this, okay? Gambit. I'll be in the scene where he meets Gambit. Okay, hold on. Now, we need to get into this, okay?

Gambit. I'll be in the other room. Okay, now, did you guys or did you not see the preview for Wolverine Origins, where Gambit was blatantly played by Johnny Depp? No, no, no, no. He's one of the Super Natches. Isn't he?

The Super Natches. I swear to God. From the TV show Super Natch. No, no, no. But this is the thing. Is that, yeah, it's that guy. Okay. Not Johnny Depp.

But I swear to God, I saw a preview where it was Johnny Depp. Yeah, you were high as a kite. There was no Johnny Depp. God, you're right. Nobody ever saw Johnny Depp. I just want someone to get my back on that, because I've been trying to. I was very disappointed. The people that I went to go see the movie with, I'm like, this was supposed to be Johnny Depp.

I'm very disappointed. But who's that famous poker player? He's got kind of a comb. He combs his hair forward. He's got a goatee. Is it Chris Moneymaker? That's the only one I can name. I don't know his name.

Samuel Beckett. Yeah, Samuel Beckett. He was jumping through time to set right games that once went wrong. No, but there was a cameo. It was the most needless cameo in the history of cameos. Well, I mean, Cheech and Ghostbusters 2. Now you're right. It's neck and neck with the Cheech and Ghostbusters 2.

Now, speaking of Susan Boyle and Lady Gaga, everyone's making a big deal that Susan Boyle is ugly but can sing. Yeah, have you seen Lady Gaga's face? Yeah. Touche. She just dresses it up with futuristic attire. Yeah, if Susan Boyle had a weird set of sunglasses and her hand over her face half the time and a weird Spock thing.

The only difference in that analogy is that I think that Susan Boyle actually can sing, whereas Lady Gaga seems to be singing through auto-tune. What is that thing called? Yeah, auto-tune. Yeah, she seems to be singing through that half the time. The brado-tune. Here's the other thing going on. I live in East Van, and we were talking about neighborhood regulars. And in East Van, there's a few people that you can mention that 90% of the people you talk to will understand who you're talking about.

There's a guy in my neighborhood who looks like Santa. Oh, yeah, I know. Is it Santa, but with the nicotine-stained beard? No, it's a pretty healthy beard. It's big, and he wears a Santa hat around Christmas. And the rest of the time, he wears a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey.

Like he's trying to start fights. Yeah. There's a guy at work who's like, that guy walks around, he doesn't even have a job, he just walks around in his Toronto jersey trying to start fights. Spreading goodwill as Santa. And then there's another guy, he's a First Nations gentleman

whose hair is about chin length. Earphones. Always wet and wearing earphones and snowboard boots and a denim jacket all the time yeah and he's always in a hustle like he's always really trucking somewhere he's not he's not ever standing still i don't think he's like it probably looks like he's hustling and trucking but i think it's just the fact that he's wearing snowboard boots it's so heavy and make him look like he's hustling so hard uh and there's a there's a very tall either transvestite or transgendered individual who's always near

the kingsgate mall who has uh his or her hair in braids oh yes and uh so that's now when you say braids you mean pigtails one long braid or like four braids coming out the top of his head? It's a lot of braids. It's like cornrows, but not attached to the head. Freestyle cornrows. They're like cornrows that refuse to stay in rows. Yeah, they're corn running them up. to stay in rows yeah they're corn uh there's just corn running uh but there's uh in my neighborhood there's uh one guy uh who i always like there's a few people that only this like stretch of four

blocks would recognize we've got a cowboy pimp who uh he's he's got a will i am will i am yeah Will.I.Am. Yeah, exactly. Who dresses like a pimp but also with tons of fringe and cowboy gear and always rides a bicycle instead of a horse. We have this one guy who, this is the thing that happened to me this week, is I've

lived here for about four years. I always see this one guy walking down the street. He passes in front of this window like 10 or 11 times a day, and he's like a thug, but he's kind of scrawny. And then yesterday I was walking the dog, and I saw him, and it turns out he's not one person. He's twins. Oh, really?

Wow. So I've been seeing two people pass in front of my window and I'm just assuming it's one guy. Have you seen within the same five minutes him walk one way and then walk the same way again? Yeah, I see him many, many times a day so I don't really pay attention

anymore. That's outstanding. And yeah, he always looks a little bit different, but I never really pay attention. I was like, oh, I think he's putting on weight. But no, it's just one of them's a little chubby. When I used to live in the West End, there was a guy that we'd call Beez, because he was like in his mid-40s probably pretty

hefty hung outside of the liquor store lot and he always had a blanket like uh the lionel linus oh linus no lionel richie's linus from uh charlie brown and he always had a blanket and he always wore t-shirts that were a bit too small for his pot belly nice but he was like really tanned up uh he was like very tanned and had like bleach blonde hair um but the the reason we called him bees was because uh he would he would sit on the bench and he always looked like there was a swarm of bees swatting at trying to like get away from and then when i went to like i i moved out of west end uh like probably a year and a half two years ago and i went to toronto last summer and i swear to god that i saw him on a bench in toronto wow wow and

bees on tour yeah he made it across the country. He'll give anyone a grant. Yeah, we have a few people in the neighborhood that we've given nicknames, like the Cowboy Pimp, and there's a couple... Who's the guy on the... drives around on the... Oh, that's Pete. He doesn't have a nickname? No, because we know his name. Like a rascal scooter.

Yeah. And he's like the neighborhood patrolman. Yeah, he goes around. For some reason, every morning he's an old guy. What's his name? Nick? Pete. Pete? Patrolman Pete? Yeah, sure. How is that not his nickname? Because he doesn't talk to me.

He talks to me. But every morning, if you're out early enough, he's got free newspapers. Are they, like, current? No, they're today's newspapers. Oh, okay. And he's got... He once told Abby a dirty joke, and she didn't appreciate that.

But we've got... She told what? Abby a dirty joke? Yeah. Do you remember what the joke was? I like a good dirty joke. We've got nicknames. When Abby lived a few blocks away, there were always hookers outside her house.

And we gave a few of them nicknames. There was one who we called Stumbles for obvious reasons. And another one we called Fat J-Lo. Fat J-Lo. For obvious reasons, because J-Lo had been popular then. I remember one time when I was working at the coffee shop, there was a guy who used to come in.

I think he ended up... We ended up calling him Stinky Larry because he smelled bad and his name was Larry. But I always wanted to call him Amazing Larry because in Pee-wee's Big Adventure, there's this one character that for no reason has this awesome nickname.

You don't see the character at all for the whole movie, but at one point Pee-wee says, do you have something to add, Amazing Larry? And it's a guy with like a multicolored mohawk. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and that's Amazing Larry. There's no setup for it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and that's Amazing Larry. Wow. There's no setup for it.

So I've always wanted, if I ever meet a character named Larry, I think that'd be a fun nickname to dole out. Amazing Larry. Listeners, do you have anyone in your neighborhood who you've given a nickname that they probably don't know about? Yeah, who are the people in your neighborhood? Yeah. People that you meet when you walk down the street. Call us at 206-339-83208. 206-339-TEET.

Or write us, stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. Do you guys want to do some overheards? Certainly, yeah. I would love to. Overheard. I, ooh, ooh. I think I got it. Abraham Lincoln hat. Ooh.

Stovepipe. Yeah, stovepipe hat. Or pilgrim hat. That would be easy to make, too. Yeah, stovepipe. I think that's number five. It's got number five written all over it. Well, a cylinder is one of our strongest shapes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's true. That's why they make batteries out of them. Overheard. Grand tradition here at Stop Podcasting Yourself. I don't know if you brought a long one. Oh, you did. Well, it is our tradition within the tradition to let the guest. Subtradition.

Yeah, it's a subtradition. But to go first. Well, I was, to be honest, when you told me to bring an overheard, something that you've overheard, it can be from whenever. First thing I thought was like, okay, I need to start eavesdropping. Yeah.

But then you said it could be from whenever, and then I was trying to think of something that I'd overheard that was really funny, and I was panicking because it wasn't coming to me. That's the natural reaction. Then I went for a walk in Chinatown. And I was walking down East Pender between Gore and... Not important.

No, it doesn't matter. Cross streets, don't worry about it. But I was walking, and the block was kind of shut off by cop cars. And there was one young man who was being questioned by a cop. And then I walked further down, and there was like a portly, chubbier man who was handcuffed and standing by a tree. And so I'm kind of like standing there, and I'm looking and then like i come to the crosswalk and it's not letting me cross and i'm waiting and then this group of four like almost hobos or hobos in training yeah like the hits they yeah amo hobo yeah they're they're they're like

kind of dirtied up but they obviously have places to stay like they don't they don't have shopping carts or right bags of cans like that well not quite hipsters they're uh definitely a little bit sketchy probably hobsters but like hobsters hobsters the hobos in training also hobsters. And while we start crossing the street, I start listening to them talking, and there's three guys and one girl. And the girl's kind of trailing behind it. I don't know if they were, like, trying to mess with her or what was going on, but the two guys were like, oh, man, did you see that guy handcuffed?

Oh, man, I can't believe that. You see that cut in his face? And the other guy's like, what cut in his face? He's like, oh, man, he had a huge gash on his face. I was like, what? He's like, oh, yeah, it was sliced right down the side of his face. Didn't you see when he was breathing? His fat face, he was breathing in and out.

Every time he breathed out, it was opening up the cut. The other guy's like, no, I didn't see that. The guy's like, oh, dude. Then the other guy totally gets the other guy's back. He's like, yeah, man. When he was breathing out, a huge spurt of blood came out and shot out really high. I was like when he was breathing out a huge like spurt of blood came out like like like shot out really high and i was like i was like hold on a second like i didn't see that

and then they continue to be like because i was walking down to the bank it's like a one-up a block further yeah and the guy's like oh yeah man just like shot out like when as high as the tree oh yeah yeah there's so much blood it's like oh man then though and then and then the one guy just like takes it up a notch like just jumps it like from like he has a cut in his face that's bleeding shooting up blood as high as the tree to to oh man yeah his neck was totally slit his head was barely holding on i was like okay like by this time, we were far away from the scene. I was like, this cannot be true. So I went to the bank, tried to pay off an income tax debt, which the teller said that I was not allowed to do. I was like, I just want to pay.

And she was like, no, you can't do that. You've got to pay it all at once. I'm like, it's $2,000. Oh, wow. And she's like, well, no, we can't do that. I was like, okay, fine. I'm going to go check out to see if this guy's neck is really slit. And his neck's falling off.

I got other business to attend to. So I walked back, and sure enough, there was no cut on his face. There was no slit neck. There was no blood of any kind. But they did have a third person in handcuffs bent over the hood of a police cruiser and a... That guy had no head. And he was headless.

He had no head, but they were still questioning him. He was walking around. He was functioning. They were saying, where is your head? They were asking the body. I was like, don't say anything! Have either of y'all been arrested no i've been in handcuffs twice well i mean i've been in handcuffs really sexually

we weren't counting that i was just counting uh no i've never been arrested cam you've been uh i do you want to talk about it you've been been surrounded by the five-ups? I've been thrown down by the fuzz. Yeah, the fuzz. On the pavement, face down. What'd you do? Not a proud story. I'll give them to you quick. Yeah.

One of them was, I was filthily... Oh, this is plural. I was really drunk fighting a friend in the alley behind the Roxy. Sure. Oh, sure. As one does. And I don't think it would have been Roxy. Sure. Oh, sure. As one does. And I don't think it would have been a problem. It was a fun time.

But my friends, two other friends, were in a parkade cheering us on. Sure. So that got a noise complaint. Was this around the time that Fight Club had been released? No, I think this was right when UFC got big. Oh, okay. No, but so that was one. We both got thrown on the ground and handcuffed because we were like in a skirmish.

But the best part was that we're on the ground handcuffed. And then my loud friend pipes up and starts yelling at the cops about how, you shouldn't be handcuffed. There's people dealing drugs like two blocks away blah blah so he never get tired of that he gets handcuffed and thrown in the paddy wagon and we both get set free that seems to me to be the number one way to get cops to further harass you yeah but also to be like like You don't have anything better to do I'm sure cops

I'm sure there's nothing that makes them want to Arrest you more Than saying something like that Is there another story? Well the other story I was working at DV8 restaurant Which is now no longer burnt down Well it's burnt down

But it's still there It's down, but it's still there. It's still there, but it's just empty. It's a shell. Is there anything inside? Is it all burnt on in the inside? I don't know what they've done to the inside, but last time I saw it, there was, after the fire, it was just like shit everywhere.

See, and for people who had never been to DV8 or have never been to Vancouver, it used to be like this really kind of cool, it had like a lot of different art that kind of came and went from there. There was rotating monthly art shows. Yeah, and there was a comedy show in there. Was that where the, was it Nick Nolte? That's where Nick Nolte was. Yeah, with the fingernail clippings.

That's right. That was at that. So DV8 was a fun place, and no place... It was a late night venue, too. It was open until 4, 4 in the morning for food. Nothing has really kind of come up in its place. That seems to be like these things go away, and then there's no new ones open up afterwards. It's just that's what was, and then...

There's definitely a void. Yeah. From it being... A void annoyed. Am I right? I know what you're talking about. Yeah. From it being... A void that annoyed. Am I right? I know what you're talking about. Okay. But I was managing it at the time, and I was hosting a comedy show there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With Aubrey Tennant. Management material. Oh, bar management. It's not real management. I don't care. But I was managing, and there was two other managers on, and one of the managers hated me because I had sex on shift in the ice

room with a waitress leaving her by herself uh on the floor with all of our tables no idea you're such a dirty bird oh okay leaving the manager the the head manager okay i thought you meant the girl that you had sex with i just left her on the floor. She was tired. See ya. You'll be walking funny. No, no, no. But she was pretty pissed off because we left our tables to go have sex in the ice room. But I was working.

It was a Friday night and it was busy. And I just got a table of ten in. And I had a couple tables of three, twos. And there was this really beautiful girl. And she came downstairs and said she's like oh hey like uh we've been flirting since she got there she was like hey yeah i got this uh some hash you want to go smoke some hash outside and i was like of course i do and i'm only a barman i'm like meet me around the side so she meets me around the side by like the kind of alley entrance

and uh then you met her around the side have you know what i'm saying sorry by the alley entrance um so uh so i kind of like she like she like smokes mash then i like take my uh toke of the sweet stuff and uh did you fight in the Vietnam War? And literally upon exhaling, a minivan with cop lights comes like screeching to a halt right in front of me. And then they open up the side doors. Both at the same time. There's like eight cops. Whole SWAT team jumps up. A hockey team.

We're just coming back from the cross practice. Some tykes. A hockey team. We were just coming back from the cross practice. Some tykes. But a cop jumped out and threw handcuffs on me right away and was like, what's going on here? And I was just like, trying to play it cool. We were doing sex with this girl. You're on shift.

And I was working at the time. So if I had been busted on shift, the whole restaurant would have been shut down. And so I'm just like, oh, no, yeah, we were just smoking some weed, whatever, no big deal. Because you can get away with that in Vancouver. And the girl pipes up trying to help and says, oh, no, no, no. Don't worry about it, officer. That's my pipe and my weed. He's working.

And I'm just like, oh, my God. And he's like, oh, you're working, huh? No, no, no, I just got off. I just got off. He's like, oh, really? really yeah and starts questioning me and stuff and then uh one of the ways you should have said yeah i'm a prostitute that would have cleared it up yeah off the hook um but uh then another way just kind of popped out was like like literally opened the door sees me and just goes oh shit and closes the door again real smooth operation down there and uh and

then like the manager who hates me comes down there and uh and then like the manager who hates me comes out and i'm telling him like i got off like you know i'm just hanging out with her or whatever blah blah and uh and the next time the door opens it's this manager who hates me because i had sex in the ice room um and and she's like what's going on cam and i kind of turn around so the cop can't see my face and give her the like go along with it googly eyes yeah and i'm like oh well i just got off i just got off shift so i thought i'd come outside and smoke uh some stuff with uh this beautiful girl and she was like oh yeah totally went along with it i didn't think she was going oh wow she was like oh yeah seems like a real sitcom kind of moment like yeah now i own you yeah it was like that i was like oh

man she was like oh yeah what are you still doing here i thought you were already left and i was like thank god so uh you're right you didn't let me go and i went back and watched it. Nothing. All right. Overheard. Sorry. That trailed on. I have an overheard that involves the police. This is a good springboard. The popo.

Because I was talking about a couple weeks ago, we had Nicole Passmore was our guest. And I walked with her. We walked over to Main Street. She lived up on Main guest. And I walked with her. We walked over to Main Street. She lived up on Main Street. So I walked with her home. Stalkers? You were.

Yeah. Main Street's a long street. Yeah. Good luck finding her. She's very stealthy. Yeah. But when we left here, we both took a beer and we're drinking them just on the way home. Like hoodlums.

Yeah. But you know what? When the sun's out it's hard not to want to do that. So that's what we're doing. We're walking up the street. We walked all the way over to Main Street and we're walking past the Dairy Queen on Main Street and as

we walk past, I was just finishing my beer, and these two cops came out with ice cream cones. Were they dipped? No, I mean, I feel like one of them had an ice cream cone, one of them had a dilly bar. Sure. But they came out right away with the cop toughness.

Hey, what's going on over here? He goes, what is that, a beer? And I go, yep. And I just finished the last thing, and I throw it in the garbage can, and then he just says to his partner, well, that was easy, and then they head back inside. That was the best bust of the day. He arrested you for not recycling. So that's kind of a fun overheard.

Was he saying that in between, giving a full twirling lick of the ice cream? Ooh, it's tripping on my fingers. You should have got napkins. My overheard. Yesterday I went to a little get together at my friend, former guest Chris Von Zombathy's new place. Very charming. How's his fireplace?

We didn't turn it on. It's too hot. But there was a party going on outside his house that reminded me of the party in Uncle Buck because that's been on TV a lot. Yeah, that looks like a fun party where yeah where the older sisters at an outdoor party outdoor party come on people in this day and age

do you not think so uh i want to like no i went to a house party last weekend where there was actual dancing yeah that's a good house party that's a great house party but weekend where there was actual dancing. Yeah, that's a good house party. That's a great house party, but I thought those were kind of like movie only. Where you go in and everybody's dancing in the living room. Oh no. Anyway, this has nothing to do with a party. But Chris's girlfriend Sita had

this overheard. She was on a bus with... She was on a bus. It was like a bus it was like Saturday morning at like eight o'clock and there were a bunch of there were five 17 year old kids guys and they were all sitting together and the bus kind of like stopped short and these kids were like oh man what can you imagine what would happen if the bus crashed? And one of them said, God wouldn't let that happen.

And then one of them counted how many of them there were and he was like, oh, there are five Christian leaders on this bus. Yeah, exactly. And if God knows anything about math. And then another one said, yeah, if the bus crashed, we would just float up. Float up where? To the top of the bus? Just to the roof of the bus where they'd be stuck.

No, I guess above the bus. Like somehow float through the bus. Anyway. Do these people think that being a Christian is equal to being in the Fantastic Four? Yeah. A Christian leader. They were Christian leaders. I want to be the torch.

And so they're living in the Matrix. Wow. So, yeah. Now. We do have some listener overheards We do have some listener overheards. We have some listener overheards. And following that, we had a topic on the table last week. Somebody called in.

Somebody wrote in about. So we'll get to that after listener overheards. Okay. Let's do some ones that we can read. Okay. Do you want me to read one? You read one? Yeah, sure. I'll read this one.

Okay. Listener Leanne from Phoenix wrote in. Leanne, why? Sure. Just so you know which one it is. She wrote in, she and fellow bumper Lauren were sitting in a cafe when a man behind them got up from

the meeting he was having. As he walked to the counter to order, up from the meeting he was having as he walked to the counter to order he finished the statement he was making to the guy at his table he said it's not rocket surgery it's not like we're building something complicated like a sweater it's not sweater surgery either that is i suppose that's complicated I mean I can't make a I can't build a sweater I don't know how to knit I've never knit before Or build a sweater

From the ground up Because you have to build it from the ground Alright This is from Dylan H Two girls behind me in an exam Talked about how they did a presentation for high school because their coach asked them to. Throughout the presentation, a guy kept muttering and pointing at one of the girls. After the presentation, the girl asked her coach what the deal was, and the coach said,

Oh, he was putting a curse on you. It's just a weird thing that he does. One of the girls then caught up with the kid who cursed them and said hey we have a curse shield so you're wasting your time the kid then freaked out and ran away very upset this was a grade 12 class oh gorgeous overheard thank you dylan h yeah i've got a i've got another overheard that i just remembered. Do you want to do it right now? It's very quick. Sure. Once when I was sitting in Hamburger Mary's, in the booth behind me, I heard a man

say, and it was literally we were just listening to these two guys talk and texting each other what they were saying so we didn't say it out loud to each other. But one of them said one of the things the guy said was, yeah, so the Aerosmith roadie just put

on some shades and faked the whole thing. What could he have possibly faked? I think maybe playing guitar. Yeah, I think that he stepped in for Stephen Perry. Joe Perry. No, Stephen Perry's a different guy. Steve Perry's the lead singer of Journey. That's a different guy. Steve Perry. Toxic twins.

That's who I met. They were the opening act for Aerosmith. You misread what I was saying. Yeah, I misread what I heard. Okay. We have an over scene, and then we have, she goes into a story about our next topic, which is our terrible prom stories. Hello, Dave Graham and all of the other bumpers out there. This is Katie from the great state of Minnesota.

I have two things. First, an overseen. I'm currently, to make extra money, I'm grading standardized tests. And we're doing the math portion. And for one of the boxes where it was show your work and give the answer, a student drew a very detailed picture of a cow and a very detailed picture of a pile of shit and then put a plus sign between them.

We did not give them credit. The second thing is the prom story. It's not my own prom story. It's my brother's. My prom was great. My brother was in 1995 and he was asked

out by a girl. So he took her. Nice guy. She ended up ignoring him completely during the whole dance. They went to an after party where she ended up losing her virginity to a guy who was not my brother.

My brother came home fairly early from that, and the next day we got a call from her parents just to verify whether or not she stayed out all night to watch the sunset with my brother or the sunrise with my brother instead of what she was actually doing which was banging some guy that was not her prom date that was the worst prom story i could think of i bet you covered for her too because yeah because of teenage love but he was you tell us you didn't tell us if he covered for her yeah because that is kind of the kind of the clincher of the story. She's just confused. She's totally into me still.

He didn't... Exactly. That guy's a turd. She said he really only went out with her because he's a nice guy, and he said yes to going to the prom. But he wouldn't have said no to a virginity taking. Oh, of course. But, like, I...

Who would? Who would? Who would? The scariest thing ever. That doesn't seem like the act of a virgin to just randomly lose it to some random dude. Unless he was a total babe. Yeah, exactly. Captain of the football team.

Yeah, if he was Hunk-O-Rama, what are you going to do? And her earlier story about showing your work i'm sure i can't think of anything but uh i was it a cow plus a pile of shit yeah many times like if i didn't know the answer i would just try to write something cute that would get me points show your work um we had somebody else wrote in a prom horror story. Last week, we were talking, Dave and I and our guest, Paul Meyerhog, we're all talking about our grads or proms, whatever you want to call it, and all three of ours were unanimously horrible.

How was yours? Was it all right? Did you go? Someone else wrote in not knowing what grad was. Grad is the dinner dance that comes after the graduation ceremony. I don't know if that's different from prom. But prom's the dance, isn't it?

Grad is the ceremony slash dinner? We had a prom a month before our dance. And ours was called grad. See ours was called Grad. See, mine was cheap. It was like all in one day. Let's cram it in.

All you can eat. Graduate. Like the ceremony. Is that Papa John's? The ceremony, like 9 to noon. We're going to have like a two-hour break. Then we're going to have like speeches from like 3 to 5. Dinner from like 5 to 7.

Then like a dance from like 8 to 5, dinner from like 5 to 7, and like a dance from like 8 to 11. Everyone goes home and then comes back for dry grad. Oh, yeah, this dry grad. Now, this is a phenomenon. It's like a dry humping thing. Because you're born and raised out here. Is that correct? Dry grad was something I had never heard of.

Moving from Alberta to here, dry grad. Because the drinking age is different. Is that why? Or we just don't think that much about kids not drinking. Sure. When I came here, for maybe about five minutes, when I was doing an actual fundraiser for a dry grad. I did a stand-up show that was a fundraiser,

and I literally thought, not for the whole night, but that it was a fundraiser to buy tents. So that the students would... It was outdoor grad. Yeah, because it was going to be outdoors. And I thought that was the name of the thing. That's adorable. It was dry grad.

Because it rains so much here. The dry grad is an alcohol-free... It's set up by the school to try and promote a drinking-free grad party, which obviously doesn't work because, you know, the week prior and the week after, there's like four or five grad parties at people's houses where parents are letting everyone get wasted. Getting wasted, right. Yeah.

My grads were great. And by grads, I mean, when I was in grade 11, I went with a grade 12 girl. Hey, hey. But... Had sex with her at the DV8? In the ice room. Yeah. No, but I went and she was like oh wear this it's my dad's

like powder blue uh tuxedo and i was like this is awesome this is great i'll wear this powder blue tuxedo uh what shirt am i gonna wear and then it was like a silk shirt that she had also stolen from her dad that was like all crazy colors and it was kind of like uh a lot of photos of like autumn leaves and like river streams and stuff but i'll like hey on on a colors, and it was kind of like a lot of photos of autumn leaves and river streams and stuff, but all on a silk shirt. And I was really confident going to this grad. But then... This girl, how many kids does she have now?

I don't think she has any, but she did have a brief stint as a porn star. Okay. What, really? But that was later on. But uh well i i wasn't i went what they are and i was very confident and then uh a guy who had graduated the year before who came with her friend was also wearing a powder blue tuxedo and he had the frilly shirt so like the full dumb and dumber outfit yeah and i look like a chump oh man you ever known a porn star i mean other than the obvious there's a comedian who's a porn star uh star it

might be uh a stretch yeah their star system is pretty well established in a porn yeah several several but uh when i was in university there was was a girl who was my friend's neighbor's girlfriend. And then the next year, she wasn't in school. And it turns out she had gotten into porn. Oh, really? Someone met her on a beach and gave her his card. And then the rest was porn history. Porn?

Living the dream. L and the D. This. Sounded the D. Listen. Sounded dirty, I guess. Okay. Chantel. Chantel FTW. Which I assume is...

For the win? Fuck the world. She wrote with her grad horror story. She's in Alberta. In Alberta, the legal age is 18. I went to a Catholic school so that I wouldn't get my older siblings bad rep.

Needless to say, the grad celebrations were going to be pretty lame. So I made it my duty to throw the pre-party and after-party at my place. throw the pre-party and after-party at my place. Got pretty messed up before the grad even started. Ended up totally demolishing my gold designer dress. There were stains galore. Pee, vomit, the works. Wore my stupid grad smock thing.

There's only one other thing. The works is... There's also boogers. Wore my stupid grad smock thing that they give you Just to cover it all up But somehow I looked worse Funny how that works Moral of the story When it comes to cuteness

Crazy hobo gear trumps cult garb We learned that earlier today Yeah So the cool kids Were all going to safe grad Which I guess is Dry Grad. Where the teachers chaperone a bush party. Whoa, no, that's not Dry Grad.

It was lame, I hear. The cool kids all crashed my after party. So I got them all drunk. It was a great party with a bonfire and a live band, Ella, My Brothers. Probably the Jonas Brothers. I thought that was the name of the band, Ella, My Brothers. Probably the Jonas Brothers. I thought that was the name of the band, Ella My Brothers. Cool.

Thank you, Chantal. Thanks, Chantal. Oh, highlight. The party was over at 6 a.m. when one of the cool kids passed out on the fire. That's pretty good. Passed out in the fire. That is a highlight, I guess. Did anyone wake him up? He's on the waiting list for a face transplant. So, highlight i guess yeah yeah did anyone wake him up or did you just let him go he's a can he's only

waiting list for a face transplant um so uh thanks thank you very much for uh the call-in and for the writing about it i don't know if anybody else has anything thanks for sharing your stories thank you uh six uh the we have a a number if you want to share any other further stories about grad 206-339-8328 uh and on the subject of overheards we are doing uh this coming friday may 15th the cafe de soleil at uh 8 30 i think it's when the show starts um dave and i are doing a live podcast recording and if you anybody out there has uh an overhe, they want to come down, we'll be doing it live. There'll be a microphone specifically set up for audience

members who have an overheard. Best overheard wins an amazing prize. Yeah, so please come see us. It'll be a lot of fun. It's going to be a good show. We'd love to meet you. Cam will be there, right? You can show up. Why not? I'll be in the wings. Yeah, he's going to be in the wings.

And our guest on the show will be former guest Jason Bryden. Jason Bryden, back from LA. Always a babe fest. Yeah, oh man, he is a babe fest. On the New World... It's true. Sorry, this is being put on by New World Theatre. New World Theatre.

It's predominantly, I think, a fundraiser for this independent theater company newworldtheater.com just one W in there New World Theater the new and the world share Adobe and on their website they updated it

with this event and I am identified as Dan Shumka I wish to be identified as Dan Shumka. Oh, I wish that I was... I wish to be identified as Grant Clark. I wish that people could see how you're wrapping your headphone cord around your knees. It's a nervous tick. It's fetching.

So, yeah. Please come see us on the 15th at the Café du Soleil. Let's wrap this episode up. Let's wrap this up with a bow. Dave, the subject that you put out before was have you ever been arrested? Was that the topic? Sure.

It was the people in your neighborhood that you've given nicknames. So if you've got anything for the people in your neighborhood that you've given nicknames, these are the people in your neighborhood. Let's go with that. In your neighborhood.

These are the people in your neighborhood. Or tell us your awesome being arrested story. Or if there are any residual horrible grad stories, prom, grad, prom, grad,

homecoming, safe grad, dry grad, Sadie Hawkins. Sadie Hawkins. Stay. Do give us a shout at two zero six three three nine eight three two eight or send us an email at stoppodcastingyourself

at gmail.com and also each and every week Dave takes a lot of time and energy currently my desktop background is the photoshop that you did of the Popeye stunt casting that we did a couple weeks ago there's a blog that Dave

does each and every week that's a great companion piece to the podcast that's at stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com Cam, you were a plug machine at the beginning of the episode I'm sorry, I really wish I had If you had one thing to plug what do you want to plug? What's coming up?

You know what, I just want to plug the fact that Manhasset and Bronx Cheer and Goran are on tour to the East Coast to Halifax, Toronto, Montreal, and New York.

No kidding. When does that happen? May 17th till June 2nd. So between May... Do you have a website? I have a website. Manhasset.ca

BronxCheerComedy.com You will probably not find any information about the tour on there because of... So lazy. No, well, because of going over the border and that whole thing. Oh, okay.

Working and shit. So we'll keep this like the Underground Railroad. Underground Railroad. You can find us on Facebook, Manhusty on Facebook. And I just actually started a blog myself at sleepequipment.blogspot.com. So you've got a blog. You're running the Oleo Festival. at sleepequipment.blogspot.com. So you've got a blog. You're running the Oleo Festival.

You're going on tour. You're doing music waste. You're doing a power. You've done a lot. You're a busy man. Thanks for making time for our podcast. I'm so happy to be here, guys. Thank you so much for having me.

It was a treat. And we'll be back here next week. Thank you, everybody, downloading the podcast. Join us here next week. Thank you, everybody, for downloading the podcast. Join us here next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.