Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 625 - Everardo Ramirez

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

Comedian Everardo Ramirez joins us to talk getting bullied by pro athletes, spoiled food, and guessing ages.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 625 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who is pretty sure that 625 is 5 squared or 25 squared. Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah.

What's 5 squared? 25. Oh yeah. Okay, that's where I got lost. Yeah, yeah. Who got lost early and often. Yes, it rings a bell. I don't know all my squared tables, but people used to have to have a chart of them, right? Yeah. Yeah, and I remember like...

Have to. Yeah, there was a time when you had more know your multiplication tables than you do now. For grown grownups? Yeah. Because now everybody has a calculator all the time. You can use Google as a calculator. I just Googled the answer. That's right.

But one thing I wanted to mention before we get going, this is the last episode before the Max Fun Drive. Oh, yeah. Next week, for two weeks every year we we bring you uh our favorite guests yeah uh some big time shows and we ask you to dig deep into your pockets and support stop podcasting yourself and all the shows on maximum fun but we don't ask i mean we ask you to support our yeah yeah they're out there i. They're out there, I mean. They're out there doing their own dirty work. Yeah, they're like, look, I've seen these other shows. They do fine.

We need you to help us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We need the help. So, yeah, next week, big time guests. This week's guest's good, too, but I feel like there's really no great way to transition from saying that. But he is great. from saying that. But he is great.

He is also part of a podcast, My Gorgeous Son, which will be making an appearance in the Toronto Sketch Fest, which is coming up this week or next. I don't know. We don't have our multiplication tables for sketch tables in front of us. It's Everardo Ramirez is our guest.

What's up, guys? I'm sorry I'll be the last shitty guest before two weeks of fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just please put up with this. No, we've had good and bad guests lately, so it's nice. It's a good mix. Yeah, yeah.

We'll be determined. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't like to call it too early. Yeah. Usually at the halfway point, we're like, you give the old thumbs up, thumbs down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, we know going in.

Because we know last week was pretty good. Yeah, yeah. It's going to be hard to top. Yeah. Welcome to the show. Thanks for having me, guys. This is great. Should we get to know us?

Do it. Get to know us. Everardo, this is your second time to Vancouver is that right? yeah it's the second time I've ever been here okay what are your thoughts? I like it

yeah? it's hard to get a read on it though I feel like like um how so? I don't know like I feel like everyone here is either like a Patagonia person.

Yep. Or they have, like, a bad leg. Yeah. That is the two types. Maybe that's true everywhere. But I don't know. You'll be, like, walking around, and it'll be, like, really nice. And then all of a sudden, you'll be like, oh, my God, where am I?

Yeah. This is, like, the part of town where Daredevil would beat up thugs or something. Yeah, that's true. We do have a very, well, he's not in Gotham City, but a Gotham City-esque. Yeah, but the Patagonia Gotham City. Yeah, yeah. Like Cortex Gotham. But I like it.

It's great. Yeah, and they're never the same people. The people with the bad legs don't wear the fleeces. It's great. Yeah, and they're never the same people. The people with the bad legs don't wear the fleeces. That's right. They either have really good legs for skiing or running or a bad leg for who knows. Yeah, from skiing and running. But also, I used to live in Halifax for many years, and Vancouver feels a lot like Halifax. Oh, yeah?

If Halifax had any money at all. Like, if Halifax was a little bit nice, it would be like Vancouver, I think. A little bit. Yeah, Halifax, I like Halifax a lot. But I only know the one area of town that every time I go to Halifax, I end up staying in the same area of town, which is kind of close to the water. Right.

Yeah. So I assume that I'm seeing like a nicer, like I'm not, I've never stayed in like, right. The rough Halifax, but I hear there's a part of it. That's yeah.

Rough tumble. Rough Halifax is now nice. Halifax. now nice halifax they do that from time to time don't they yeah uh so rough halifax is now nice halifax nice halifax nice halifax is kind of rough whoa oh oh it's all crazy there but i haven't uh spent too much time there in like five years. So who knows? Exactly. Where are you from originally?

I'm originally from Waterloo, Ontario. Oh, yeah. And then I went to university in Halifax. And then that's where I started comedy there. And then... You invented comedy. I started... They were like, hey, have you ever heard of this? It's like a play, but it's five minutes and only one person talking.

Oh, it sounds good. Yeah. Yeah, and then I moved to Toronto maybe five years ago now. What did you study there? I studied just generic English. Sure. Just English. Well, that's the accent I'm working on, generic English.

Yeah, graduated Dow with two Fs on my transcript. Well, the accent, that's the accent I'm working on. Generic English. Yeah. Graduated Dow with two Fs on my transcript. Oh, nice. Which is nice. What did you fail? I don't even know. I think I failed Intro to Psychology. And then I had to retake it.

And then some other class, I honestly don't even know what it was. It was so hard and boring. And the teacher was like you know you could if you want to drop out this is the last week to do that why would i want to drop out yeah i think i'm doing great at this yeah like i don't care i'm gonna take the f and it was stupid of me to do that yeah but whatever oh stupid people get f's yeah what uh these f's get degrees um well the psychology one was that just because it was like first year and you didn't want to wake up yeah pretty much and it was like uh hard okay intro intro to psychology intro was hard it was like um i guess it was more science than i

thought it would be right um serotonin melatonin yeah yeah stuff like that i was like, I guess it was more science than I thought it would be. Serotonin. Melatonin. Yeah. Yeah, stuff like that. I was like, I don't want to know this. Yeah, you were thinking it was more like getting inside the mind of a killer. Yeah.

I want to study serial killers. Yeah. Freud, et cetera. Yeah. Freud, the number one serial killer. Or like how you can suggest like, oh, yeah, this is only a dollar it's only a dollar 99 right and you know it's two dollars i actually thought psychology was uh learning how to be a psychic so what the hell is this yeah uh i'm gonna guess a wide variety of things and see if i get a hit yeah so someone in someone in your life has hair. There's like a hair guy or woman in your life.

You're here about something. You want something. You want the thing. You're hungry for food. Yes. Why did you go to Halifax from Waterloo instead of somewhere in Ontario? Like Waterloo. Yeah, I don't know.

Because I got accepted to Waterloo University. but I was like, you know what? I'll go to Halifax, a place I've never been to and honestly never even thought about before. Yeah, and then you've made this like four-year commitment. Yeah, I was like, yeah, I'll go there. And then I honestly, I think what it was is they were looking at your top five grades instead of your top six grades. Oh. I was like, nice. And your high school psychology class you took an F in.

I don't, wow, I don't remember how you get to colleges. I think in my case, barely is how you get it. barely is how you get it you send a bunch of things that your um uh high school guidance counselor has to like sign off on and then you wait for that letter to come in the mail and it's very small and you go oh no oh dear yeah it's a tiny tiny little envelope it's just one of those valentine's cards. Actually, I remember I had a high school teacher. In high school, our school had a radio program. I had a lunchtime radio show every other Thursday.

I'd be like, I'm going to play Screamo music. Everyone did not like it. And then the teacher in charge of the radio was like, hey, there's a very cool radio station in Halifax. I'm like, okay, yeah, I'll go there. Great. And then I volunteered there enough time. You had to volunteer for a month or six weeks or something.

And then you could start pitching for your own show which would also be volunteer yeah so i was like i did enough time like organizing records and stuff like put in my volunteer hours that i could start like working there right and then i never went back there it just turns out you just like the volunteering portion. I just want to tidy up. Yeah. And like, I do kind of like that. I do just kind of like leafing through records. Sure. Or like organizing things. You could work in a record store.

Yeah, I'd love to. I've tried to my whole life. Yeah, you have relevant experience. Yeah, so you never did a shift at the Halifax, cool Halifax radio station. I never did. That's too bad. What would you have called your show?

I don't even know. I don't even think I had a plan for any show. I was just like, yeah, I guess I would probably just play email music. Yeah. And just like high school. Yeah. It's the most emotional music.

Yeah. Before email music, everyone, all the songs were just about numbers. Oh God, it's name. Cause it was like about feeling. Yeah.

The, uh, when I was in college, I, uh, had to do like you had to do, uh, cause I was in the communications program.

So I had to do one shift a week and then you could have an extra shift if you wanted so i took the extra on the radio on the radio and then uh you had to do like an overnight shift once a month oh um and it uh i was surprised by how little music i knew i was like uh because they had a big library but i was like hmm i don't know any of these bands. And so just kind of ended up playing the same songs every shift, you know, just songs I liked. Yeah. Yeah. Made one mixtape and played it over and over. Yeah.

Because, you know, DJs usually don't, I don't think they pick music anymore. Not in general. Back in the old days. Yeah. You could make a little money, you know, putting on Papoon. So you grew up in Waterloo. What's that? It's just like a suburb town.

Of Toronto? It's like, no, it's like an hour away from Toronto. Okay. Like in between Toronto and London. Oh, okay. like uh an hour away from toronto okay like in between toronto and london oh okay um and it's just kind of like very normal like i don't know just very normal like a college town um not a lot to do i don't think like what's the is the big industry of the college i think so it's like a big tech city like that's where blackberry came from oh yeah remember those yeah yeah yeah yeah they just held on to the keyboard for too long oh my dad loved it he

wanted it he wanted them to bring it back he wanted the little uh like after a ball you love the little ball that you could roll after uh you know the iphone kind of beat it into submission yeah he was like i miss that ball yeah blackberry is holding on to that they're like you know, the iPhone kind of beat it into submission. Yeah. He was like, I miss that ball. Yeah. Black Bear is holding on to that. They're like, you know, we're going to keep the keyboard. And everyone's like, okay, but we don't want that. We also want Instagram and stuff that iPhones can do.

No, no deal. No, type out what you see. Yeah. A picture's worth a thousand words to gram yeah because they ah they got it out to such an early lead blackberry like yeah just everybody who had that kind of phone had a blackberry yeah iphone was like guess what not anymore and it's just like nobody else i guess nobody else did the uh keypad they're like typing key yeah did they i mean they had before oh like there were like the two-way oh yeah yeah yeah or though yeah like a weird sliding thing the sliding thing

it's weird it like if you ever watch a movie and you're like i don't know when this movie is from and then you see their phone and then you're like oh yeah 2004 yeah yeah it's like it's like all movies had just landlines and then the phones just kept changing in movies every couple of years yeah and now are we in a point now where it's like pretty steady it's pretty steady they've like there was a time where they would uh you would hear someone's cell phone ring in a movie and like oh this character is getting a call yeah yeah yeah i gotta answer that but now every show is just vibrate, vibrate, vibrate sound. Or the text popping up on the screen kind of thing.

Yeah. Ever see that? Yeah. Yeah. Where did they do that? They did that in the Kevin Spacey show. The Kevin Spacey show? Yeah, yeah.

The Variety Hour. He would have been a good Variety Hour guy. Yeah. He likes to sing, dance. Yeah. Can you say sing, dance. Yeah. Can you say that about a guy? Is that like a, am I canceled for saying he would have been good at having a variety show? You know what the one thing that I, I won't say admire about Kevin Spacey. Okay, well I'm off the hook.

I will say I've honestly never really cared about him I never thought he was I never thought about him really but then like since his cancellation like once a year he makes these like creepy videos around Christmas time that he puts out on Twitter and he's like

remember me and it's like are you in character as your like house of cards guy are you K-Pax? Yeah. And like, it's a banana with a peel on a couple months ago at Christmas, he made another one. And I think also around the same time,

like some of his people that spoke out against him were being found dead. What? This, I might be misremembering. I'm pretty sure my girlfriend told me about this, but she reads a lot of like,

Kevin Spacey fanfic. Yeah. Or like those weird like British tabloid news websites. Oh, sure. So who knows if it's real or not.

But I think some people who were accusing him were found dead and then he released a video that was like, in sort of implying like, what if I did it? Like a real OJ.

Yeah. I got some getting even to do. Yeah. Like what the hell? If I did it book. Wow. Why did your girlfriend read British tabloids? Is she British?

No. Is she, does she love Strictly Come Dancing? She just loves tabloids, I guess, like National Enquirer. Yeah. Daily Mail. Yeah, Daily Mail. I feel like the Daily Mail is more salacious than the American ones.

It's more, yeah, I don't know. Like they would publish a topless picture of the queen if they had it, if they could get their hands on it. Oh, they've been dying. Yeah. They've been like, they got a guy drawing one right now just in case they're not allowed to publish one. I don't know. Yeah.

It seems disrespectful to do that, to post a picture of the topless queen, but a drawing of her. Yeah. That's almost respectful. Yeah. It's like the opposite of Muhammad. Yeah. Where you're allowed to put a photograph if you can find one. Yeah, if you can find Yeah. That's almost respectful. Yeah. It's like the opposite of Muhammad. Yeah. Yeah. Where you're allowed to put a photograph if you can find one.

Yeah. If you can find one. That's right. And, uh, loophole. Yeah. Why,

why is the queen on our money? Not why? Yeah. Why is she, why is she pick her clothes? Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot of pressure on whatever outfit you're going to be wearing.

Yeah. It's going to be your money outfit. What is... Also, I'd like to know, like... What is she wearing? Like a gown? Is my guess. I think we only see her from the shoulders up.

We don't see her putting or anything. I think they should update, like, when they make new money, like a couple years ago with this plastic money, they should have the most recent version of the queen. Like, every few years. They do. Oh, they should have the most recent version of the queen. Like every few years. They do. Oh, they do. Yeah, like if you look at old money,

she's, they don't have, they don't have old queen on it. Like, this isn't, so what she's wearing is a nondescript,

you know, just an old dark lady dress. Old lady, I mean, I presume it might just be a, it could be a, you know, a crop top.

Yeah, she could be wearing a crop top. We don't see anything below. And then the pearl necklace. Yeah. And pearl earrings. And just like. And a crown? No crown.

No crown. And just, but quite the, her hair has been set that day. Yeah. And she's got a look on her face. It's like, you're spending this on that yeah i thought you were gonna start saving yeah that actually is a good uh psychological trick on our money have a like a grandma yeah like if you're buying weed or whatever you have to look face look at this grandma in the eye and decide if you still want to do that or not yeah and she

does have kind of like a bit of a scowl she's not smiling on it it would be weird to have somebody smiling on your money yeah but it's okay if they smile on stamps yeah yeah stamps are fine anything goes on stamps yeah yeah i have like i think there's stamps with like bb8 on it and stuff i yeah i i remember i uh like it was so long ago i bought these stamps maybe when back when i was working at cbc across the street from the post office yeah uh the post office has been shut down for years yeah where do you get your stamps now but i don't have a needed one i still have the same set of 10 shania twain stamps that i've been using since 2014 yeah i when was the last time i used a stamp because anything that i mail usually it's already

like a prepaid yeah like yeah all this back to us kind of thing rsvp envelope or whatever um yeah yeah yeah i mean i don't mail a lot. Neither do I. Less than a thing a year. But I do need to sometimes. Yeah. I can't remember why. Yeah.

I feel like the only time you do a lot of mailing is if you're getting married. Yeah. Like in the year leading up to that, like setting out the invites and i guess just that and then also they you have to send out maybe thank yous yeah right thank you so that is it's like a solid year of or you get the pre-invite be like hey save the date save the day any day now thinking about getting married now you're gonna get another thing that reminds you about this that's right it's like okay can you just send the invite yeah i don't get how i save the date works um yeah it's like just you know just so you

know you've made our the finals of people who are gonna get invited yeah so don't fuck it up you're almost we're almost at the finish line here um yeah like the last time that i thought of sending mail was when i got married we made we made dave the date that's fun things yeah and then there was just a picture of your face yeah yeah put coming out of a wedding ring um though there was a guy who was a lead singer of a, an Iron Maiden tribute act that was, uh, that was arrested in Japan for drug trafficking. And somebody here was like, he's sad. Send him a letter. And I was like, yeah, I'm going to send that guy a letter.

And then I never did because I, well, I don't have a stamp. I don't have the, I don't have the setup. I don't have envelopes. I don't have a piece of paper.'t have the setup. I don't have envelopes. I don't have a piece of paper. I guess so, yeah. No, I've got envelopes. Oh, nice. Is it just, you know, to give someone a folded piece of paper?

I licked this. Like, when was the last time you sent out mail? Oh, I don't even know. I don't think I've ever really sent mail. Never? To be honest. I don't think so. Huh.

It's wild. Because you've got to find a mailbox. Yeah. That is tricky. Yeah. Because they used to just be, what, on every corner or something? I guess so. Yeah.

And now. Oh, wait. Actually, I sent someone a t-shirt a couple months ago. Okay. Okay, here we go. And I got into a fight with the old lady at the shopper's drug mart slash post office. Yeah. But to be fair, she was being mean. She was just like cranky.

What was the fight about? She was like, you have to write the address on this. I'm like, I know, like, I'm going to do it. Can I borrow a pen? And she reluctantly gave me a pen. But she's probably lost a thousand pens to guys like you. That's true. And then she's like, okay, but go write it over there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when I was done writing the address out, she's like, I can't read this. And then scribbled all over it, and then re i was done writing the address out she's like i can't read this and then like scribbled all over it and then rewrote the address i was like my writing was better than your writing like you wrote it on uh was you wrote it on an envelope that had a t-shirt in it yeah it did have a t-shirt so that's how that's that's i i'm assuming your first mistake you made a lot of mistakes with this lady. I wouldn't, because I rarely send mail.

I love receiving mail. Yeah. Oh, it's the best. And sometimes you have to go to the post office because they leave a little card. Yeah. And you have to sign for this. So go to the post office and pick it up. And mine is also in a, not a sharpers drug mart a pharma

save oh yeah is ours but they don't they won't it's a weird it's not a post office because you can't send mail there you can only pick up right and they have a sign saying like no you no abuse of our employees is tolerated yeah that's anytime's true. Anytime you see that sign, you're like, this has happened. Yes. Okay, I'm going to greet this person with a smile. Yeah, I'm going to be super on my best behavior. Yeah, because the last time I picked up mail, there was a woman ahead of me that didn't know where she was sending her package yeah so then she made a phone call but she didn't step to the side to let other people do business she made a

phone call and then the person that she needed to talk to wouldn't come to the phone so she was like we'll put put nana on and uh the person was like she's sleeping go. Go wake her up. I need to know this address. I was like, why are you doing this all now? She knew. She knew that she was being bad because when she walked out, she avoided everybody's eyes. That's what I do all the time. Yeah. Did the shirt land successfully at its?

It made it. Nice. Made it to Winnipeg. It was punctured with all these pinholes though. Yeah. Now I understand why every podcast, uh, advertises stamps.com. They're like, don't you hate the post office? Yeah.

Yeah. And I've never thought about it until we started talking about it. I guess I hate it. Yeah. We never had them. We never had stamps.com. No. But I do hate the post office.

So, before I moved, they knew me at the post office. Oh. They were always very nice to me. And, like, would never make me show ID. Oh, that's pretty good. When I was picking stuff up. And it's also fun to see like what stamps have come out yeah there's no other way to know that yeah john candy's on a stamp yeah burton cummings is on a

stamp a canoe is on a stamp um yeah and like i don't know how much it costs to send a letter but i feel like my parents probably know well the but the good thing about these shania twain stamps is they're they're they don't have a dollar sign on them or dollar amount. They just have the letter P. So they're like perpetuity. They're permanent stamps. Permanent stamps. They will perpetually work.

Yeah. Hmm. And are they a photo of Shania Twain or a drawing? No, it's a rabbit and it sings a song. Cool. I think they're a photo of Shania Twain or a drawing? No, it's a, we rub it and it sings a song. Cool. I think they're a photo. She's so beautiful. Yeah, that's true.

No drawing could do her justice. So you barely got through college. I barely got through. I just made it. Yeah, you just went to the skin of your teeth. Yeah. And then moved to Toronto. Did you ever have a BlackBerry?

I did have a BlackBerry, yeah. I held on to BlackBerry for a while. Was that because of hometown pride? I think probably, yeah. Is that like how people in Ottawa still use CorelDRAW instead of Photoshop? Yeah, I don't know what it was. And then, honestly, it was Instagram that made me want to get an iPhone. So you couldn't have Instagram on a BlackBerry?

I think at the time, honestly, I think the downfall of BlackBerry was Android technology, what operating system was coming out. And they went to BlackBerry and were like, do you want to use this on your phones? And they were like, no, we'll use our own thing that you get from the blackberry app store right you have to send physical mail to get an app yeah and then they were like okay and then they went to samsung and then that i don't know samsung yeah hot toddy yeah so at the time it was probably around like 2011 2012 or something and you did you feel like i'm just i'm way behind here yeah i was like i gotta get on instagram now yeah i was like you know i will spend 700 on a phone or whatever an iphone cost so i can see dumb ads

between three pictures i'm like oh I'm the worst photographer ever. Like, I have no eye for this whatsoever. Well, you're not alone on there. Yeah. Yeah, like, I feel like my old phone I couldn't have because the memory just wasn't big enough or whatever. I couldn't have TikTok. So I was like, I got to get a new phone.

I got to get on that TikTok. Did you get a new phone? No. like, I got to get a new phone. I got to get on that TikTok. Did you get a new phone? No. Like when I got my most recent phone. What's your most recent? You're a six? I'm a six. Okay.

Yeah. I'm still in ancient times. Yeah. I got TikTok. I was a six S until I became a six S. Mm-hmm. Today, it's the trade deadline in the NHL. Oh, God.

Oh, I shouldn't be here. Oh, my God. Have I been traded? Oh, Graham, you've been traded. Oh, God. Please tell me I'm not going to Tampa. I've got a lot of enemies in Tampa. Yeah, you've been traded to the Grammar Girl podcast.

All right. to the Grammar Girl podcast. All right. And so my Instagram feed today is just like hockey players photoshopped into their new uniforms. Oh, yeah. Of their new teams. Nice.

Yeah, so they don't do the thing where they hold up the jersey? They just photoshop them into... Yeah, I mean, it's just like there have been you know 30 trades today so man that would be a good job to have photoshopping photoshopping guys heads onto uh new new jerseys yeah um uh any good trades yeah all right good um does uh does Good. Does Todd Bertuzzi still play in the NHL? No.

That's the only hockey player I really know. Well, no. Not in the last 10 years or so. Really? Okay. Do you follow any sports? There's a Tyler Bertuzzi. I don't.

Oh, Tyler Bertuzzi. That's insane to me. They're second cousins, I think. Wow. No, I don't follow any sports I only know like the Vancouver Canucks

from around 2004-ish whenever you had a video game Todd Bertuzzi was on it no because Todd Bertuzzi was actually

my high school bully what and while I was a child and he was an adult man what it's so fucked like um yeah this needs some explanation yeah his somehow he was friends with like my best friend's dad like my best friend's dad was like uh um what's it called like a financial advisor or stock broker something like that okay and i guess

todd bertuzzi was his client right and then they also became friends and like would golf together all the time sure and like this was the friend that like you always went to his house after like he had a big house and right he had like popsicles in his freezer all the time. Oh, yeah. I remember that friend. Take my financial advice. Invest in popsicles. Yeah. So like we'd be at this guy's house all the time. And often Todd Bertuzzi would come.

For the listener who's not, doesn't know who we're talking about, Todd Bertuzzi, a big power forward for the Vancouver Canucks. Yeah. Among other teams. Most famously, broke a guy's head. Neck, I think. Yeah, that's right. Most famously, broke a guy's neck, I think. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, most famously a disgraced hockey player. Yeah.

But very, very good. Like, I really liked him. Yeah. Played on the West Coast Express line. Yeah, so Todd Bertuzzi would come over to this guy's house a lot. And one day... While you were how old probably like between seventh grade and like all of high school and he would have been in his he would have been 30s 20s i guess yeah probably 20s or 30s and um one day he invited us to his house to play hockey because all my other friends played hockey i did not play hockey um and i was like okay i guess i'll just go anywhere why not yeah there might be popsicles

there and like i got to his house i oh he also lived in waterloo i think when he wasn't living in vancouver right um and then uh for my first mistake was i commented on how beautiful his home was but he was like what the hell that is funny coming from a teenager yeah it's like this is a beautiful but he was like okay this guy's weird and then okay we've we've isolated the weirdo yeah brought then he brought out a rainbow pack of soda. I don't know if you remember the rainbow. Maybe this is an Ontario thing. It was like orange crush, grape crush, cream soda, and then mugs, root beer. That's a good pack. That is a good pack. What are you choosing?

I'm going to go for the cream soda. Me too. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's what I chose. And then he was like, made fun of me for that. John and Jusie would hate us. me for that he's like John R. Ducey would hate us

yeah he like called me cream soda like what this is the best one you want fucking mugs

like mugs sucks ass it's like the 30th best root beer and this is the 5th best cream soda you're a millionaire buy Barks

come on what are you doing and then when we were all hopped up on those sodas then we started playing road hockey on this driveway and i was like i'm not gonna play like i don't i'm just gonna hang out i just kind of want to get interior design tips from your wife and he's like no it's cool like you. How about me and you will be on a team against the other four guys that were hockey players? And I was like, oh my God, no. Now he's going to know how much I suck.

And he found out very quickly and was like, you would think that a professional hockey player who's an adult hanging out with a 15-year-old would kind of like, be like, yeah, obviously he's not going to be as good as me. He was like the yelling.

He's like, what are you doing? Like I'd like duck from the ball or whatever. And he'd like get mad. He would like say homophobic slurs to me. And then the funniest thing is that he called me everard dildo had anyone called you that before no and i was like that is hilarious yeah and also so hurtful what the hell man and then like basically then throughout high school i'd see him maybe like

once a year and he'd be like, I have a dildo. Please just call me Cream Soda. Yeah, Cream Soda was fine. I actually saw him last year out of this friend's wedding. Oh, yeah. And then Todd Bertuzzi showed up and like during his mom's like speech was given a speech todd bertuzzi was wasted and then walked up to the mom and like kissed her on the lips and like this is all a legend this is all a legend sure yeah uh man but yeah i don't know if he recognized me because or

if he was just being respectful and he did not call me ever at a wedding you will get a letter in the mail that says i saw you there ever i'll do oh wow uh the real classic bully stuff yeah yeah and i love that it was uh i love the age gap yeah i love finding it when someone's like my high school bully was a grown man. Who bullied me for liking cream soda. For not being as good as him, a professional athlete. Yeah, it was bizarre. Oh, wow.

Yeah, because that feels like that cream soda thing was like a trap. He had it in his mind. He was like, whoever picks the cream soda, I'm going to make fun of them. Yeah. Everyone else went mugs. I should have just followed the herd. Yeah. But I had to be an individual.

Everyone wanted a root beer. No one wanted the grape. The grape sucks. Yeah. Orange is all right. Yeah. They're orange is all right yeah they're all fine yeah they're all four mugs sucks i would say you never go for an orange crush over another soda like if there's just orange crush there then you'll be like yeah yeah i've had this in a while yeah cream sodas to me like the rarest one like you don't really see that at like McDonald's and stuff. Yeah, that's true.

But you see orange stuff. Yeah, you see orange stuff kicking around. Cream soda is remarkably popular in Slurpees. Yeah. It's always available.

Yeah, that's true. And I love it. That's my go-to. Yeah. I don't know why Cream soda and Coke. The new like robotic computer pop.

It never has cream soda. The hackable. Yeah. Yeah. The hackable Coke machine. I don't know why I ever stray away from just regular, regular sodas, but they're like, why not with vanilla? And then I try it and I'm like, oh.

Do you want vanilla Sprite? Yeah. And it's just awful. It's just terrible. Yeah. But they give me the choice and I go for it. awful. It's just terrible. Yeah. But they give me the choice, and I go for it. Yeah, it's weird. There's never Mr. Pibb on shelves around here, but it's in all those machines.

Yeah, somehow. Some hackers downloaded Mr. Pibb into their machine. Someone's on their BlackBerry. Instead of Mr. Robot, I'm Mr. Pibb. You know what I was thinking yesterday? What happened to Anonymous? Are they still around? Remember Anonymous?

Don't say it. Don't say it. They're listening. They were the Guy Fawkes mask. Yeah. And what was their deal? They were kind of like Robin Hood's. They were real do-gooders.

Yeah, they were going to unearth or release documents or something. They're like, don't make us mad. We bought these masks. We're serious. I saw a group, but I don't know if they were anonymous, but they were wearing those masks

and they were at a train station and they were protesting the meat industry and they were right next to a hot dog cart and I really wanted to get a veggie dog but they wouldn't know that I was buying a veggie right yeah they would be like you're the guy that we're they would pour red paint on you or ketchup and you were wearing a full-length faux fur coat you're doing all the right things yeah but you're like these are responsible diamonds these are not blood diamonds i'm wearing um oh they don't care about blood no

no yeah they're just animals only yeah but yeah like uh so i recently i've seen people in the guy fox mask but i don't know if they were anonymous or if they were just like if that's the go maybe that's the go-to mr robot do they wear the guy fox mask they were is there something i've never seen mr robot watch season one of it and i didn't i wasn't impressed i don't don't say that he'll get you no i realize i don't watch like good tv shows now i should watch what do you like watch like garbage that makes me mad. Like The Circle on Netflix.

What is that? There's people talking about that. What is it? It's like, it's a reality show where people can only interact

through like a Facebook type app. Oh. So it's like contestants are in an apartment all isolated and there's like

10 of them or whatever and they just like yell at a TV. And it's just like watching them use Facebook. It's bizarre. It sucks. It's horrible. But I also love it at the same time. Yeah. Do you ever text someone who's like right next to you or you like send messages to people who are in the same room as you or the same home yes uh and also sometimes uh i'll like get a text erica sigurdson's very big on that

she'll send a text uh that's a like an inside joke that's happening in the moment oh yeah then that's always fun to like look down and like get a punchline. So the circle. The circle's good. Yeah. It's like they're all like stupid people. Also, the thing is, some of them are catfishes. So it's like you kind of determine who's real and who's a catfish.

Are they trying to date each other? Not really. They're just trying to like be the most like whoever and then at the end of the day they vote on like who is the most popular one and then if you're the top two you get to decide who gets to leave and then it's all people like i don't know like the first day there's this guy joey who i love i'm team joey yeah he's like a dumb Italian guy, like Jersey Shore kind of guy. And like day one, he's like, I would die for any of you. I love

you guys like family. Send! And he's just like yelling at his TV. Oh, so they're speaking it. Yeah, they're like dictating their text to a TV. And I assume just some intern is like typing in it. Yeah, it's not like any technology.

This guy in the crawl space just typing out these things. And like day one, he's like making hard friendships. They're all so stupid. Do they see each other? No. Well, like they see their picture. There's like a picture right uh so it's like basically just it's like facebook basically yeah it's like anyone's life yeah yeah

and then eventually once they get kicked out then they have a video like revealing like a goodbye message to everyone and then it's like oh that was actually them or maybe sometimes it's catfish oh so like sometimes the the picture and then the actual person doesn't line up yeah like one guy he was playing as his girlfriend oh like his picture was like his girlfriend and he was like pretending to be a woman the whole time but he was like i think so obviously not a, cause he'd be like, yeah, like my period hurts too. Like what? Like we were even talking about that. But it's insane.

And then there's a new one. That's like the circle, but on meth called love is blind. Oh, I talked about it last week. Oh man. It's insane. It's that's like a little bit of

every reality show i've realized it's like a bit of the circle a bit of the bachelor a bit of 90 day fiance yeah and like the say yes to the dress it's like everything all in one yeah it's it is true it's like a kind of like a frankenstein yeah like uh the i watched another episode since i watched it last week. And what I didn't realize was that there was an inevitable, like, where everything starts falling apart. I forget the concept. The concept is that you date somebody through a wall. That doesn't sound right.

The glory hole. You date somebody through a wall and then if you agree to get married then you get to see each other yeah and it seems like they're proposing yes yes in like 15 minutes yeah that's right they don't show like a lot of the dates so it seems like they all just went on a date with someone they're like i love you but if you don't propose then you don't get to go on the next part of the show which is i guess you're in mexico or something yeah they go to a resort part but also there was characters introduced in the first chunk that didn't get engaged because there was a guy who's like i'm a virgin and he was like 34 and i was like oh surely he's gonna play a big role they. They vanished forever. He never lost it.

He's still in that pod talking to the wall. Yeah, there's just nobody on the other side. They never open up the hole in the pod for him to lose his virginity. He actually suffocated in there. They forgot to feed him. Yeah, the producers moved on from the pods but they forget oh shit they're still in we left a virgin in the pod for god's sake we sacrificed a virgin yeah it is it's insane and anyway so like stuff just starts falling apart

immediately because people like there's one couple where she's like i really like talking to him but anytime that we kiss it feels gross yeah like you know every relationship has challenges yours is that you think your partner is gross oh yeah is that the lady like the blonde lady yeah yeah okay then once she got out she's like having a hard time because she does not find the guy that she's marrying attractive yeah and then the episode the last episode i saw she's like you know what it was just easier when we were talking to the wall like let's just go back to that and then so they were in like separate rooms but like literally talking

through the wall like she was in the washroom he was in the bedroom or something just talk on a phone like just break up with him you don't like him you do not like this guy but also you don't need to like have a glass up to the wall and they're like this is better

and he's like I guess I guess because you're not mean to me now because I can't see your gross lips. Yeah. Yeah. I can't hear you saying yuck one week is. It's bizarre.

Yeah. It is bizarre, but it's, it's, you know, I like it. I don't think I can, I like it.

Cause it's like, I don't care about it. Like, I don't care if I don't finish it, you know? Yeah. And I think since like game of Thrones I can't invest my like I can't like anything yeah like I did Game of Thrones right cuz it's like embarrassing I was like

thinking about it I'm like embarrassed how much I like to get through like turns out to be bad yeah and I was like was like, this sucks. And I'm mad that I, I'm mad that I, I don't know. You spent so much emotional energy on it. Yeah. And I was mad that I was like so frustrated at how it turned out. I was like, why do I, I don't care. Like, why do I care? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's true. It does stink when like the thing that you like ends poorly. Or if you get, you just start getting it. Like I remember I started getting into Dexter just as it was ending and everybody was like, the ending sucks. Then I was like, but I just,

just started, but it's still good for me. Yeah. I'm still in the good. I'm still in the honeymoon period of, of Dexter. And then I gave up. Yeah.

Cause I knew it was going to lead somewhere bad. Mm-hmm. But, yeah. I went to Croatia this summer with my family. Oh, yeah. And my dad, I think that we just went to Dubrovnik. They film a lot of Game of Thrones stuff in Dubrovnik. Okay.

And I'm pretty sure my dad made that an extra day on the vacation just because he thought I would enjoy it, which is very sweet and nice. And I did enjoy it. It was beautiful. But he would walk around, and there'd be all these Game of Thrones stores, buying T-shirts or whatever.

And he'd walk in and be like, my son is a big fan. I'm like, dad, no. Don't tell them that. He knows everything about big fan. I'm like, dad, no, like, don't tell them that. He knows everything about this show. I'm like, dad, no. Quiz him. Okay. Yeah.

Well, yeah. Who is Ron's brother? And then also the weirdest thing is there'd be like walking tours around the city, like the old part of the city. And there would be like historical walking tours and also game of thrones walking tours right and like i never went on the tour but i'd walk around and when i'd see one i'd kind of like listen in and they were all game of thrones tours and i'm just like how sad is this like these tour guides they're probably like you know this is actually like a building with a lot of real history.

It's not just where the dragons were or whatever. And I saw this like nerd. It is what it is. He was a nerd. Yeah. And he was on the tour. And he was like, who's the high school bully? Yeah.

Like the tour guides. Like, this is the part where like, these are the steps where like this happened. And I just was walking by and I heard this guy like arguing with the tour guide's like, this is the part where like, these are the steps where like this happened. And I just was walking by and I heard this guy like arguing with the tour guide. He's like, well, he did that because he loved her. Arguing with the tour guide about some like game of Thrones plot point.

And the guy's like, yeah, like, I don't care. This is actually like a beautiful church. And it was just like, I don't care. This is actually like a beautiful church. And it was just like, I don't know, it made me sad that no one cared about the actual history of Croatia. Yeah.

In a little while, they won't care about Game of Thrones either. Yeah. Although like, if you go to New York, you can still go on a Sex and the City. Mm-hmm. Because it was the fifth character. That's true. That's true.

And Dubrovnik was the 800th character. Show had a lot of characters. Characters welcome. Dave, what's going on with you? Guys, we recorded our last episode three days ago. That's right. And I was worried I wasn't going to have anything to talk about. Yeah.

But then i remembered that right after our last episode i went to a grocery store and bought a sandwich oh nice let's hear about it and then i it will i'll tell you what it was it was a chicken and cranberry sandwich okay sounds like a holiday sandwich sandwich it does sound like a holiday sandwich it might have had some stuffing in there oh i don't know well and i'll tell you why well it was it wasn't a sandwich it was a wrap okay uh and i recently watched a thing with the fat boys and they had a guy that did why was that that was that part of beatboxing the Yeah. The catching your breath part.

Yeah. There's three guys in the Fat Boys, and one of them, that was his whole thing. He didn't rap. He just beatboxed. And he was really good at it. But no, a rapper wouldn't do that. It would be the beatboxer? It would be the beatboxer, yeah.

Unless it's like you're laughing. some rappers will be like that's true uh anyway um i got this wrap uh and i uh took it out of the store brought it home i wouldn't have gone out to buy this wrap and bring it home normally, but I was going to go get something at a different store or restaurant that ended up being closed. Right. So I went to this place. Grocery store sandwich. Grocery store sandwich, brought it home, opened it up, took a bite,

and I was like, oh, this is not the taste I was expecting from this, and kept chewing, and I realized this is bad. This is not the taste I was expecting from this. And kept chewing. And I realized, this is bad. This is bad, rotten food. Oh, no. Oh, that sucks. At least, did you catch it before swallowing?

Yes. Yeah. I made the walk over to the sink and spat it out. Smart. Because a lot of times, if I eat something bad, I'll be like, huh, tastes bad. Swallow once. Yeah. because a lot of times if i eat something bad i'll be like huh tastes bad swallow once yeah and then like two more swallows and then i'll be like oh maybe it's gone bad it just tastes bad can't remember the last time because sometimes i'll like we'll pull uh you know luncheon meat out of the fridge and smell it and be like hmm is this good or is this bad it's it's kind of on the border

there is no border if something's bad it is so bad yeah yeah yeah It's kind of on the border. There is no border. If something's bad, it is so bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you kind of have to be like, Hmm, this smells very strong of meat.

That's because it's meat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard to tell with lunch meat, like a salami, even a fresh salami smells both good and bad. Yeah.

But you taste it and you know, it's bad. Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. I like, I'm trying to think of the last thing I ate that was bad, but I know I ate more than one bite of it. Yeah, so this, I was like, I had the debate with myself, like, is it worth going back, getting my $6 back by going, you know, to this, back to the grocery store?

And I, like, I just wanted a quick lunch. Now this is going to be a whole ordeal yeah so i just decided no i'm just i just lose i lose this time oh man and the supermarket's just going to continue selling their rotten sandwiches yeah that i looked at the date on it it said it was made three days ago so i probably should it was best before it was best before the next day but i uh those bastards they were wrong it was not best it was worst yeah the only yeah like i feel like anytime you're like grocery store or a gas station it's you're rolling the bones if it hadn't been made that day yeah i so i don't know if it had stuffing in it because i like it could have been like weird

mush it could have been weirdly colored mush yeah the uh the cranberry once i got a look at it was very dark it was actually lettuce that had been wilted yeah they just scratched out lettuce and put cranberry yeah it looks like a cranberry now but that's that's like a dependable lunch is a grocery store sandwich yeah you would think not you're not going to enjoy it no but it's dependable yeah it'll fill you up yeah it'll take you till those three o'clock blahs yeah i used to live near a uh circle k oh yeah and they would sell like hot dogs and me and my roommate would always go like at the end of the night and they'd be like hey we're gonna throw out these hot dogs do you want them and we'd always take them because we're freaks i guess here comes the freaks we'll eat that garbage. I know. This has been spinning on a thing all day.

Legally, we can't even sell them to you. You have to take them for free. Yeah, actually, I have to place it in the garbage can. Yeah, you have to take it out. You actually have to catch it between when I throw it at the garbage can. Fight a seagull for it. Well, my horny friend here watches. I remember when I was in high school,

my sister's friend worked as a guy at the baseball stadium selling popcorn and was like, hey, do you want a big bag of popcorn? And my sister came home or he brought over a garbage bag full of popcorn we ate it for days we didn't finish it though yeah it's in a garbage bag because it is garbage i just took it out of the garbage oh well i'm sorry this i'm sorry the grocery store got a one-up on yeah well Yeah, well, I'll get them back. Yeah. Oh, you know, I've been shoplifting.

Well, I've been practicing my shoplifting, and I think I'm ready to try it. Do you have a coat with an extra pocket in it or something? Uh-huh. You got cargo pants. Yeah. Oh, sure. King of the shoplifting. Mm-hmm.

And, yeah, like, I've been practicing at home it was like jamming tomatoes on my sleeve yeah doing a distraction yeah jamming grapes in my cheeks yeah yeah you can do it i believe in you okay yeah uh so yeah that's me had. Had a bad sandwich. Had a bad sandwich. It was an exciting week of three days. Yeah. Yeah. Likewise, it's only been three days. You watched one more episode of Love is Blind. I did.

I watched one more episode where everything starts falling apart for the blonde lady. Right. Well, she picked a guy that was like a decade younger than her, too. Yeah. Which was never going to work. She was probably. She was 23. He was he was 13 exactly he had just started a paper route um but uh yeah i this is the thing that uh occurred to me last night is i'm at an age where i am not sure looking at a person that I can't guess their age, uh,

20 years in each direction. Like they were over 20 years. Like I, uh, I saw a group of people last night that I was like, these are either 16 year olds or they're in their mid thirties. And I cannot tell. And I was looking for clues because they,

if they had like a flip phone, because I mean, two of them were wearing backpacks. So I'm like that to me, that feels young. That feels younger. Yeah. But then one was wearing a trench coat and I was like,

that feels older. Yeah. And then it's hard to tell yeah because like fashion is like uh like what it looks like all teen clothes i guess yeah yeah it was like these there was one guy wearing a beret and sunglasses and i was like so i don't know how old he was he seemed to be the oldest of the group but i was like he still could only be 20 yeah beret and sunglasses is a young person trying very hard yeah yeah yeah or an old person trying very very very hard yeah no it's yeah i think the the ideal is to look effortless like a like a

french person yeah yeah yeah but only a french person can do that yeah this guy this guy was uh he had a beret he had a scarf he had funky sunglasses this was at night so he was wearing these sunglasses on the train this was a 20 year old in art school yeah they may have been art school kids as well. Yeah. But there was the trench coat more than anything was like, Hmm, maybe that's older. Yeah. But they are wearing crazy pants.

So their pants have a stripe down the side. Cause I feel like that's a young, a young person's look. Yeah. You know, like a stripe, like a Han Solo. Yeah.

Kind of like a Han Solo pants, but you know, like a, yeah, I guess like track pants, but with like a line. Oh yeah. Track khakis. Yeah, kind of like a Han Solo pants. You know, like, yeah, I guess like track pants, but with like a line. Oh, yeah. Like track khakis. No, they were wearing very billowy, like a billowy pant.

Yeah. And so the one, one of the girls had a Beetlejuice backpack. So I was like, see, but that's, I'm like, why would a young person be wearing a Beetlejuice backpack? Right. Someone from our generation would be wearing a Beetlejuice backpack? Right. Someone from our generation would be wearing a Beetlejuice backpack. Yeah. So all of a sudden I'm like, where did that, was that, is that your dad's backpack? Or are you the age of Beetlejuice fan?

Yeah. There was, I never, I didn't ask, obviously. I was just an observer, but. For the record, he has said Beetlejuice three times. Oh, shit. Where is he? Oh, here comes just an observer. But for the record, he has said Betelgeuse three times. Oh, shit. Where is he? Oh, here comes the candy man. But do you find that?

No. Well, I was in the bank today. Yeah. And someone stunk. And so immediately, I'm a big, even though marijuana is legal now. Yeah. I still, whenever I get a whiff of it, I'm like, where's that coming from? Who's the criminal? But yeah, I was in the bank and there was a BO, BO and cigarette mix. And I was like, which one are you?

And I pinpointed to this guy who was wearing a track suit. Yeah. Was older than me. Yeah. And I even thought to myself, like, oh, like, I guess I know 50-year-olds. Yeah. That aren't, like, friends of my dad's. Yeah. Yeah. And this guy is a 50-year-old in a track suit.

Hmm. And is smelling bad at the bank. Yeah. And this guy is a 50 year old in a tracksuit. Hmm. It's smelling bad of the bank. Yeah. I mean, for sure. If, yeah,

if I smell a bad smell, I do try to figure out who, cause it's all. Yeah. It's yeah. I'm just like looking at people and comparing them to people. I already know where I'm like, okay. Running them through the data.

Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. You're, Hmm. You're soft, supple skin indicates that you're a young yeah you're young and maybe not a smoker yeah yeah i i have this weird thing like at the bank um oftentimes like the tellers i think are younger than me but i act like they're

older than me like they feel like they're older than me. Cause they have a grownup job. Yeah. Cause they have a grownup job. They, they, they're trying to give me good advice. They're like,

why do you, uh, withdraw $80 of cat from an ATM every four days? And I don't want to tell them this to buy drugs, but they know. And they're like, we could just switch this. And like,

you're paying way too much on fees. And I just get flustered. And, uh, just get your drugs at the bank. Yeah. Yeah. You can switch to our drug user account.

And it's just, yeah. Like if anyone seems confident or smart at all, I'm like, you're my parents, I guess. Yeah. I don't like the bank because they now they just

anytime i talk to a teller they're they try to sell you something yeah and i that feels weird and bad yeah yeah because you're you're supposed to just hold my money i don't want to i don't want you to want to take it yeah yeah just hold it yeah yeah very untrusting of them but i i feel like from what they tell me they're trying to help yeah but also like why are they trying to help like isn't this better for you that i'm i don't know yeah exactly like keep it on the down low this guy's taking out 80 bucks every couple of days yeah you're oh in your 30ss, shouldn't you have a savings account? I'm like, I'll think about it later. Yeah. But it's like, yeah, I've had, within the last year,

I went to a doctor that was younger than me. I was like, hmm, this feels weird. Yeah. So you really put some time into something. Yeah. It paid off. Yeah. You can be a doctor in your 30s yeah it's weird to see a young doctor yeah like i don't i don't feel like i don't trust them

but i do feel like oh this is weird like like we watched we probably but watch the same tgif shows yeah or you were probably studying. Yeah. Like, I know you're telling me what to do, but I am older than you, so fuck off. Yeah, right? I have more real world experience. Got the street smarts. You were probably watching TGIF and not laughing at Urkel. You were like, he's so smart, I want to be that. Yeah.

He was watching Doogie Howser. Yes. Doogie Howser. You start bullying your doctor. Urkel ruled for funny reasons, not smart reasons. Dr. Dildo. Oh, boy. Do we want to move on to some overheard?

Sure. This is your captain with an update from the flight deck. We'll be reaching Max Fun Drive on March 16th. That's right on time. As a reminder, Max Fun Drive runs for just two weeks, and it's the best time of year to support the podcasts you love. If you look towards the front, you'll see your favorite hosts with special bonus content and lovely thank-you gifts for new and upgrading monthly members. Now sit back, relax, and catch up on your favorite Max Fun shows now

so you can listen to the new episodes releasing March 16th. And thanks again for choosing Maximum Fun. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where if you hear something great out there in the world, don't just hog it all to yourself. Share it. And we always like to start with the guest everardo would you lead the charge yeah

i have an an overheard and an overseen oh nice you want to do them both at the same time not at the same time like two you're saying two things over top of each other but do you want to go two in a row do you want to go around um bookend it whatever you guys prefer for the flow of the um okay well uh what do you say well oh well you're gonna say bookend yeah i was gonna have us say the same thing at the same time one two three go around and do a bookend okay i'll start with an overheard this happened uh on friday night at a show I was doing in Chinatown here. Yep. There was a man in the audience who was giving his friend cheese,

like a thing of cheese. And he said, this is the cheese that made me turn my back on Boursin. And I don't know if that's like a good thing or a bad thing. Yeah. Like this is the boursin that that undid it for me or this is this cheese is so good like see you later boursin yeah i assume since he's giving it to his friend that it's it's so it's like better than boursin yeah yeah yeah yeah it turned his back on boursin because this is even better what is can you have boursin uh yeah goat cheeses yeah yeah yeah yeah it's uh it's a weird it's weird it's weird to me yeah it's weird yeah it's weird to

everyone yeah like the commercials for it are weird they're from another country and i feel are dubbed over in english yeah like a violeta mop ad yeah um what uh and it's people at a party who are like keep going back for more bursa yeah like that the bursan is like the big talk of the party and i just it just doesn't doesn't read as true to me yeah no especially like i mean i guess if you're at a party that has one cheese yeah i'm not even throwing shade like i'm like yeah it's fine it's fine but it's not like i don't know but like you've it's like you've you've had a cheese before yeah yeah yeah like this isn't your first grown-up party where people put out like cheese and crackers like yeah but if it was i guess maybe you'd be blown away Yeah. But then other people at the party are also blown away.

Yeah. What are your thoughts on Boursin? I don't know if I've ever had it, to be honest. Oh, you got it. It's like a goat cheese, I guess. It's like a goat cheese that comes in a little cylinder. Yeah. And you, you know, scrape a bit off, put it on a cracker.

I think I'd like it. Yeah. I like cheese, even if it makes my tongue feel itchy. You know what I mean? Oh, I think you think you're allergic yeah i'm allergic to cheese um it's and it's but it's a little bit i feel like it's mass-produced in a way because it's like a brand name cheese that you get anywhere and it's got like sometimes it's got chives in it or other things. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it has a cranberry version. Yeah, probably. That's good.

Yeah. I'd love to try it sometime. Yeah. Okay. Well. Yeah. We'll invite you to our next party. Yeah.

I don't know if we have any. Boy, Abby's parents made a little cheese plate on Oscar night. That was a few weeks ago now. Yeah. If we ago now. Yeah. If we have any. Yeah, if you want some itchy cheese. It might taste a little spicy. Dave, do you have an over?

Yeah. I was picking up Margo from school the other day, waiting outside, and there were some other parents there. And it was Margo's 100th day of school oh happy 100 days they do a big thing now really like all leading up to it it was like remember the 100th day of school is february whatever right and we're like shrug who cares like every year or is she in her first year of school? Okay, right. So this is, she's made it 100 days of kindergarten. And so like everyone bring in your 100 days project.

You've been working on. They sent home a thing. But like there was no like due date for it. It was just like, you know, anytime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Up until the 100th day. Right. And it was like you collect 100 things right and you

bring them and so like or like present them in an interesting way here are my 100 nickels yeah in a ziploc bag people did like you know made a little house out of 100 popsicle sticks oh margo just uh did a an elastic ball out of 100 elastic bands. There you go. Easy peasy. Nice. And they. What did the kid who forgot to do the project, what did they bring in? 100 pieces of dandruff. And then the day of, they did like, they made a necklace with a hundred fruit loops on it they everyone left

wearing these necklaces they made these crowns oh wow happy hundred days like it was such a big deal i thought it was like oh yeah whatever yeah yeah they made this art that was like a gumball machine that had a hundred gumballs in it they did did 100 jumping jacks. The teacher sent us videos of the kids doing 100 jumping jacks. And then another video of the kids being silent for 100 seconds. Wow. That's a weird celebration. But that was not my overheard. There was a parent waiting outside the school.

And another parent walked up to them and said, Oh, you're here. What are you, what are you doing here? And, uh, she said, uh, Oh yeah, well, I'm, I'm just here for the weekend. Uh, and the other parents said, Oh, well, what a great weekend for it. It's so nice. And the first parent was like, Oh, well, no, actually it's supposed to rain. And the other parents said, Oh, well, you it's supposed to rain and the other parent said

oh well you know i never look at the future weather but you picked a great weekend to go i only look at the past weather yeah just look at the sky i look at the farmer's almanac just see yeah yeah what it was like I think we're due for a good weekend. By the way, happy 100 days of podcasting. Yes, yes. Your daughter has her 100-day chip for school. She's yet to relapse and go back to preschool. Yeah. She's yet to relapse and go back to preschool. Yeah.

That would be great if you could be like, no, I'm going to go back. Go back to blocks. This was a, I'm stealing this overheard from somebody else because I didn't overhear anything. That's okay, Graham. You did have your ears plugged all week. That's true. In observance of the hundred days uh like my ears for a hundred uh minutes uh mazel tov uh this is a this is a guy uh talking to somebody else and um saying uh one time i told him i had a cold and he didn't call me for seven

weeks wow yeah seven weeks is excessive to uh or maybe you're just like this is my chance yeah they've got a cold i'm out yeah yeah i'm never talking to you ever again there's a uh emergency room doctor on my hockey team oh yeah and he says And he says that, that, like, emergency rooms are just people who think they have coronavirus right now. Oh, yeah, that would be... Yeah, totally.

I have a bit of a cough. And I did take that sketchy cruise. Oh, boy. Cruise ships are just like Petri dishes, aren't they? Yeah, yeah.

It's, uh, you're for sure going to catch something. Yeah. A lot of cruise. It's part of the allure. Yeah, that's true. Let's eat a bunch of chilled seafood that's been

left out. Shrimp, the baking in the sun. Hang out around people who are sneezing all day. Yeah, yeah. And when we get diarrhea, there's a coin flip about what caused it. That's right.

Could be just being out on the open sea. Yeah, that's salty air. We also have overheard sent in to us from people around the globe. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfund.org

and this first one comes from Natalie F. from Hamilton, Ontario I was at a branch of the Hamilton Public Library Do you know it? Yeah. Uh, no I don't know where anything in Southern Ontario is. I know Hamilton

not the library. Oh, okay You should go I'll check it out This is a librarian talking to somebody and saying yes so there's a makerspace with a 3D printer available to you as well as a creative software

we have audio books, ebooks and video streaming services as well you also can get into all the municipal museums for free with your library card there's lots more I'll give you this pamphlet with our services listed the lady was silent for a minute thinking things over and said you know what i will get a library card sold i kind of uh boy i was downsizing my wallet and uh didn't want to do

this i feel like if you're in the library you're already you're going to get a card you're pretty close and I like that overheard because it's also an ad for the library Hamilton Library is going to go on it I mean those ebooks that seems like a no brainer you don't even have to go to the library

you just need that number password away you go the password is books. Books. I love books. The email username, library. This next one comes from Meredith W. in Las Vegas. My husband and I had taken our girls to a neighborhood park.

It was the first nice day in a few months, so the park was full full of kids i had to walk back to the parking lot to get something and as i walked back uh two boys around 10 10 years old were biking behind me as they passed one boy said in a very annoyed annoyed tone there's like 100 girls here the other boy repeated the phrase softly it's like 100 girls here paused then stood as he began to pedal faster and shouted this is gonna be awesome oh yeah his one friend's annoyed but yeah he's not gonna let that brain on his brain pedal my bike even faster yeah show the girls my calf muscles yeah yeah cool gonna unzip these pants into shorts yeah yeah, that's right. Then I'm going to let my bike ghost ride past them. You a big biker?

No, no. I don't like to be sweaty when I arrive somewhere. Yeah. That's my biggest. There are those people that like bikes so much that they barely even sweat. Yeah. I guess I'm just out of shape. Yeah, me too.

I think I need to get a bike. Yeah? Margo, last summer was a big biking year. Yeah. And I rode her bike every night to the park and then played at the park and then rode her bike home. And I ran next to her like she's my trainer and i'm a boxer yeah and uh yeah i don't think i could do i just don't know the like um because she's a little kid and we're on like residential streets and she can ride her bike on the sidewalk yeah yeah but i can't no so like what's the

etiquette then do Do we have, do we as a pair have to learn how to ride a bike in the street? I think so. I feel like if you have a kid, that's kind of like your, your free pass for the sidewalk. They're like, I'm, I'm,

you know, I'm a bike sexual. I guess. Yeah. Yeah. And like, uh, yeah,

I think maybe for like, you could get away with it for the summer, but then next summer you have to like, if I have a bike like that has sky from Paw Patrol on it, can I? Yeah. Biking seems scary to me, at least in Toronto. Everyone, a lot of my friends bike all the time. They're like, oh, it's the best way to get around the city. It's so fast.

Yeah. But then they're also like, oh yeah, I've been hit by a cab of course i have like then why do you do that like one day it wasn't as fast i'd rather walk or do anything you know i'd rather stay in yeah yeah that's what i'd really rather do as a both a driver and a pedestrian i like uh the cycling as a commute does not appeal to me yeah it seems scary it seems they're always mad yeah yeah with good reason yeah but why are you mad at me i'm a pedestrian yeah yeah you yield to me i should be mad yeah for all you know i'm always a pedestrian yeah yeah um but yeah uh i think when i was a kid i cycled a lot and then when like helmet laws came into effect i was like i'm done with this right yeah not wearing a helmet that is a deal breaker yeah because then you have

to carry a helmet around yeah and it's and helmets used to look a lot dumber than they look now. Helmets now look fine but back in the day they made your head look like a mushroom. And it did seem you felt like a nerd doing the arm signals.

I'm turning left. No one cares. No one cares, cream soda. I'm turning right which is actually with my left hand pointing up.

Just point with your right hand. You dork. And the one that's, I'm stopping, which is... Oh, I don't even know that I'm stopping. The left hand out is turning left. The left hand up is turning right. And the left hand down is, I'm stopping. I'm stopping soon so don't

tailgate me um geez no one does that no no one does the stopping one they just stop yeah i used a roller blade to school every day in like seventh grade with my best friend and then wonder why people uh made fun of us all the time. Here comes the roller toons. This last one comes from Max in New York. There's a grocery store near me that usually has fruit carts out front, and when it's open and the metal gates are pulled down when it's closed, but every once in a while, there's nothing blocking the walls, allowing me to see the amazing words

they chose to describe themselves. The words are sumptuous, temptation, inherent, and exquisite. Who described themselves? This is the grocery store has words up front to kind of like tempt you in.

Oh, and those are the words they chose to describe. I feel like you and those words are like milk, cigarettes, juice or whatever. Yeah. Lottery tickets. What was the third one? Inherent. Inherent. Yeah.

That's the weirdest one to me. Yeah. Yeah, because it's just like, what word did they think they were putting? Yeah. Inherited? No. Oh, maybe if it was a grocery store, hand it down. Yeah.

This watermelon was passed down from my grandfather. It's rotten, but. Yeah, it's shriveled, too too but it was a watermelon at one point and my my grandfather is shriveled now too in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod one if i didn't have that little thing i would have forgotten yeah forgotten the number here we go hey dave and graham and special guest it's kevin i'm calling you from a hotel where i just got home from my sister's wedding and i'm walking into the room and there's another room across the hallway and the the one guy says to the other do you know what i got in here i got

fifty dollars in ones anyway and good night well yeah let's go to the strip club it sounds like a strip club thing right yeah which is if you have the queen on your money, you would be like, well, I can't now. Yeah, yeah. I have 50 queen moms, I'd say. Yeah. It's been a long time since we've had a dollar bill in this country. Or two dollar bills.

It's the lowest bill. What do they do at strip clubs? I don't know, because I don't frequent but I imagine there's coinage. They whip coins Oh wait, yeah, coins,

yeah, they whip coins at them. Yeah. Who knows? Yeah, you just do a G-string

You can actually swipe your debit card through their butt cheeks. Or you just put a five and you're like, this is for you and your friends. Yeah.

This is for, you know, the next time you come around to. That's right. Just remember my face. Or do they all wear, like, G-strings and a fanny pack? Or those, like, coin things.

Yeah, like a dealer at a casino. Yeah. Be a great character if you're the accountant. Next phone call. Hello, David Graham. This is Annie calling from Texas. From speakerphone. I was just in the library where I was in line behind a mother and her young son who was mid-chandrum.

a mother and her young son who was mid-tantrum. He was throwing a really impressive fit and he was screaming the typical tantrum things like don't touch me and I don't want to and you're hurting me.

And then his parting blow on the way out of the door was, I don't love you! Oh my god. That of the door was, I don't love you. Oh, my God. That's the darkest tantrum I've heard. I never loved you. It was always dad.

Yeah, I think kids, they figure there's like a strand they can pull at, you know? When they know love has value. Yeah, exactly. And really the only value they have to offer. That's right. I'm revoking it. Has your kid ever been mean to you yet? Oh, yeah.

That age yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we alter who does bedtime. Right. Because we have two kids. And so Abby does bedtime for the older one and then uh we swap and so margo the older one will sometimes be like who's doing my bedtime tonight and i'll say me and she'll say oh geez and it's going on with mom's bedtime? What's she doing?

By the way, my bedtime is way better. We wrestle. Oh, nice. Yeah. Mom doesn't wrestle because, not because mom doesn't want to, because mom can't wrestle without hurting the kids. She's too much of a fighter. She doesn't have the coordination that I do or whatever. Maybe she just wants it more.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. My bedtime goes late every time. Oh, nice. I will read the book. Like, I'll finish the three books. You're allowed to eat candy during your bedtime. But, and yet, so I've told Margo that, like, when say that it, it makes me feel a little bit sad.

And now she, not even sarcastically, who's doing my bedtime tonight? Uh, dad is. Yay. She's not sarcastic, but she's,

she's putting on a show. She's putting on a show. Yeah. Yay. I don't love you. Here's your final overheard. Hey, Dave Graham and lovely guest. This is Bruce from Atlanta.

I'm actually in Manhattan right now. And walking down the street, I just passed a 45-ish or so old guy. And all I heard was him go, Siri, call Daddy. And I don't know why that struck me. It's so funny, but it did. What did he say? Siri, call uh, Siri, call daddy. And I don't know why that struck me as so funny, but it did. Um, what do you say?

Siri, call daddy. It is funny. It is funny. Yeah. For a 45 year old man. Yeah. Hello,

daddy. Um, yeah, I mean, uh, it's a funny, it's a funny thing to call your dad. Yeah.

Yes. Is it, is mommy funnier than daddy? No, daddy's fun funny thing to call your dad. Yeah. Yes. Is mommy funnier than daddy? No. No, daddy's funnier. Daddy's funnier. Yeah. My dad is, he's Mexican. Yeah.

He has a Mexican accent. And somehow, like, sometimes still even now, he'll, like, refer to my mom, but he'll be like, call her mommy. Mm-hmm. He'll be like, you're mommy. But, like, the way he says it like sounds like how like

you know like how Pitbull would refer to a woman like like your mommy or he'll like text me and it'll be like M-A-M-I

like dad don't call her that this is your poppy yeah I'm telling you about your mom my daughter

my youngest daughter's name is Poppy and we all often be like, hey, Poppy. But only we're allowed to do that. But speaking of Pitbull, so I follow John Travolta on Instagram. Oh, yes. Right. And he performed with Pitbull at something.

Really? Cool. Uh, and this, this is the, um, uh, this is the, sorry, uh, the caption of the post that he did. He said, uh, Pitbull and I performing last night at the music awards, the music course, my friend Pitbull and the Latin community are very important to me. Nope. He's running. Yeah. and the Latin community are very important to me. Oh, he's running. Travolta 2020. He's the only one who can take him down. Newly proud bald Travolta is here to take down Combover Central.

Yeah. I would vote Travolta pit bull. Yeah. An all bald, uh, ticket. You get Travolta for your, you know,

uh, domestic issues and Mr. Worldwide. Mr. Worldwide. Man, it's crazy that he gets two nicknames, that he gets to be Pitbull and Mr. Worldwide.

Pitbull is his birth name. No, that's his birth name. That's right. Pitbull Dershowitz. Well, that brings us to the end of this episode. Everardo, thank you so much for being our guest. Yeah, thank you guys so much for having me. Please, Everardo.

Very fun. Yeah, yes. thank you so much for being our guest yeah thank you guys so much for having me please ever our deal though yeah yes um you said that you're doing a live uh my gorgeous son yeah on uh march 13th at comedy bar in toronto it's part of the toronto sketch fest um i don't know who our guests will be yet but what is my gorgeous son so my gorgeous son is a podcast that I do with Mark little and Andrew Bush, where the Mark plays Andy's dad. And he's like trying to help Andy get back on his feet. And I play an, a podcasting intern, I'd say higher.

But it's really just like character improv stupid stuff um yeah it's very fun and you should check it out we've had mark on the show many times yeah um never and never andrew no andy will never come on no i don't think he likes being on our podcast to be completely honest in fact he tells me that he hates being on our podcast to be completely honest in fact he tells me that he hates he wants it to end like Andy this is all we have yeah

it's not going to end before that live appearance at Sketchfest you've already plugged it we gotta do it yeah you gotta do it I actually just found out about it like yesterday when I was tagged in a post on Instagram about it oh cool we're was tagged in a post on Instagram about it. Oh, cool.

We're in Sketch Fest. Great. Life of the intern. Yeah. You're not on the ground floor. And thank you, all our listeners out there. As Dave said off the top. Max Bundrive is coming up next week.

Two weeks of special shows and events and, you know your chance to to give back to our show that's given so much to you that's true yeah we uh you know now uh to uh not swallow a bite of a rotten sandwich if you're near a sink go to the sink spit it out um or in the trash or in the compost yeah or the car window yeah that's right A lot of options where you could spit this thing. Yeah, don't spit it onto the floor. Yeah. That's about it. That's very important.

Yeah, don't spit it onto the floor. If you have a napkin, spit it into a napkin. Yeah. These are your options. Anyway, so that's the Max Fun Drive. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you for listening

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