Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 682 - Chris Kelly

Episode Date: April 13, 2021

Podcast magnate Chris Kelly joins us to talk novelty songs, April Fools, and goth pets.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 682 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me on this, what would you say, this is a balmy day? I guess this is like a balmy day, Mr. Dave Shumka. I'd say it's crisp. It's crisp. Yeah, not balmy at all.

Settle down, guest. Wait your turn. No, balmy is like when they're sort of like okay i uh i picture balmy as being like the your skin rubs together and makes a little a little spark a little ooze okay yeah but a crisp day is when you actually need some balm on your you need to put a little uh yeah yeah i got you i got you okay um our guest today first time guest here on the podcast uh he's a producer uh he's he's made all sorts of fantastic things uh he's one of the minds behind this is that and uh he's a co-owner of a business

that makes podcasts and such what if it was just he was a co-owner of a business that makes podcasts and such. What if it was just he was a co-owner of a business that was just flowers? It had nothing to do with anything. That'd be fine. It's Chris Kelly, everybody. Oh, hi, everybody. Hello. Last week, we had a co-owner of a record label, so I guess a full owner. Who knows?

I didn't ask to see her bank statements. But I do co-own a flower shop, so it's like, you know, it's good. What's good this time of year? Yeah. Chrysanthemums. Dildos? Dildos. Yeah, dildos.

Dildos. That's it. No, what comes up that's like yellow? Daffodils. Dandelions. Dandelions and daffodils. It's dandelion and daffodil seasons. We got a sale on 50% off our dandelions and daffodils it's dandelion and daffodil seasons we got a sale on 50 off our dandelions yeah holy shit that's pretty good it's an easter sale at um kelly and kelly flowers

yeah easter sales um well i mean easter's over so what are you gonna do well yeah that's why it's a sale yeah i guess so you would i mean they don't call it an easter i i don't know look i've never been in the business what would you call it an Easter. I, I don't know. Oh, look, I've never been in the business. What would you call it? You know, when like after a holiday happens where there's candy and they just like blow it out at the grocery store. They would call it a blowout. Okay.

If you're blowing it out. It's an Easter blowout. Yeah. A flower blowout. Yeah. Not related to Easter in any way. Do we want to get to know us? Yeah.

Get to know us yeah get to know us chris thank you so much for being our guest thank well thank you for having me guys i mean you've had every other kelly on the show and i was like you know kind of going oh well when's my turn you've had maddie kelly that's true pat kelly yes i mean you've had Kelly many times. Yeah. Who else did we, how many other Kellys are there that you name? It was a Kelly Kapowski. Kelly Kapowski. Kelly Gruber. Kelly Gruber from Blue Jays, yeah. Blue Jays.

And of course, I mean, you should have these memorized, Chris. Kelly Grammer from television's Frasier. Yeah, I know. Chris, there's other Chris Kellys. Yes, famously. That we have not had. So for anyone who's like, oh, I want to hear. I'm a big Criss Cross fan.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he pass away? He did, sadly. He did. Well, then he wouldn't be on the show. But if anyone's tuning in being like, oh, I want to hear from the director of that Jesse Plemons, Molly Shannon movie. It's not this Chris.

Yeah. Oh, right. Sorry. Also the director creator of The Other One. Yeah. With the Justin Bieber. Former head writer of SNL, Chris Kelly. Was Justin Bieber acting in this thing?

No. You're talking about? talking no it was kind of like a satire on like two siblings who had a brother who took off kind of like bieber's career trip trajectory okay okay um yeah that would suck to be related to the beebs if you were if you wanted into the entertainment tyler bieber is lesser known poor tyler Tyler Bieber. He just wants to own a flower shop. Now, Chris, you have a long and storied podcasting career. Yeah. The CBC Radio 3 Music Podcast.

That's right. Creator. I was not the creator, but I did produce it. I produced it. That was CBC's first ever podcast wow yeah so did they sit you down and go what the hell is a podcast you go figure it out well they tasked grant lawrence with it and he had no idea and he still has no idea what a podcast is um and uh but yeah i know there was an amazing uh producer by the name of don pennington who

was kind of a legend that uh did you ever meet don nope no no anyway uh legend at the cbc who produced it and then handed it off to me in 2005 so did i have i been podcasting longer than you guys when did you oh yeah definitely yeah really when did you guys start 2008 683 weeks ago Yeah Yeah Yeah And Oh that's so It's so weird Like 2005 So you really were at the

Like when Ricky Gervais Was making a podcast Or maybe not even that You're like the Ricky Gervais Of podcasting I am the Ricky Gervais Of podcasting No that was my favorite show

And it was the first podcast That I'd ever heard And I was like Oh this is so funny And then I tried to make my own I was living in my parents basement in victoria british columbia out of work uh failed comedy career uh happening i was very early i was like call it quits i was like oh well you're gonna know when to fold them you know yeah you know you know i'm 21 time to call it quits.

And yeah, so I started making a little show called The Oddcast. No real premise. Welcome to the club. Yeah, good name, good solid name, Oddcast. It was, it was really fun. And I did a whole bunch of fun interviews. Interviewed Craig Northey from The Odds. He's been on this show. Yeah, I thought he had been. did a whole bunch of fun interviews um uh interviewed craig northy from the odds i had yeah i thought he i thought he had been but my whole hook on that was oh you're in a band called the odds you should be on the odd cast it was like kind of deep journalism and was he like

please don't call this number again i don't know what a podcast is. I don't want to learn. He was so nice. He was, and I, I met him, you know, five years ago and he remembered it and he was super sweet about it.

And, uh, yeah, no. And then, and then they were looking for a producer at CBC radio three at the time. And I had four months of experience making podcasts. Cause they were only four old sure they were like oh great there you go and so did you were your parents your reference like hey we he lives with us and we think he's great yeah yeah he please get him out of the house

um and then you've in that time where the i was gonna i was gonna rattle off his resume but he was oh go ahead yeah go ahead now we can go step by step graham can just kind of go what this is this is that cbc's this is that creator producer yeah creator yeah well i mean i don't know what the guys want to give me credit but sure um well let's see what i decided here here here here's where i can get my creator credit i decided to put the phone calls like the feedback you know how we get the angry messages yeah from people who believe the stories yes this was a fake a fake news show yes for for those that don't know it even though pat's been on the show and peter have been on the show i don't know what a dozen times you know our listeners don't know it, even though Pat's been on the show and Peter have been on the show, I don't know what a dozen times.

Yeah. Our listeners don't dig deep. Oh yeah. Goldfish memories. Um, the, anyway, yes.

Satirical news show, kind of like the, the onion. Um, it was broadcast on CBC for nine seasons. Uh, very outrageous stories, uh,

satirical stories we'd put on the air and people people would call in, and they'd think they were real. Like, you know, that the Calgary Aquarium is being closed down, and to get rid of all the fish, they decide to have a barbecue. And there's not even an aquarium in Calgary. That's right. That's great. It's a landlocked. Not that you need to have an ocean area.

That's true. Most aquariums aren't swim in, swim out. Oh, really? No, it's just, that would be incredible.

There's no appetite for just aquariums in a, in, in a landlocked area. Yeah. They have dust areas. It's all gila monsters. And so

yeah, prairie dogs. They kind of, yeah, yeah, that's it but yeah no so so that actually that was the i think that was the first story to get like crazy feedback and people just losing their minds like oh you're gonna cook up a manatee um to save some for me they said well yeah there's both sides of it they were like oh that's a great idea um and so i was like oh we should put these in the the following week's episode i was like let's

that is you are you work at the creators yeah and that became a definitely a hall a hallmark of the show for sure and and it's uh as i continue to rattle these off super fast okay well yeah let's skip a few this sounds serious no no I want you to just kind of linger when I created the show Being Jan the Jan Arden podcast that was short lived

yes you didn't tell me all about well I mean I was yeah I did I built it with Jan Arden and Sarah Tate out of Winnipeg. Wow. No, I need to hear all about Jan Arden, Canadian treasure, Jan Arden. It was wild.

I mean, I don't think she even knew my name, to be honest. But I was a producer on the show. That's a bit insensitive of her. Fun. But she's a good mother right you know um she's got a good mother she's got a good she's got a good mother there you go um no that was a wild show because she like she's really she's friends like it was that show if it came out now and i bet you she's probably going to come out with a podcast in the next six months but being jan 2

being jan 2 the return of jan more jan um she's friends with just so many people like i think it's just that those heady days of like being a major label 90s artist that you just kind of rolled with like she's really good friends with stevie nicks but then she's also really good friends with rosie o'donnell and like she would have them on the show and just kind of hang out with them chat with them so it was can you imagine the super group they could put together the three big names stevie nicks jay and arden and rosie o'donnell you say it won't be long till she has her pod her own podcast guys it's uh it's has one? What's it called? The Jan Arden Podcast. Nice.

Good. A little bit predictable, but still good. But you know what? You Google Jan... That's how I found it so fast, by Googling her name. Interesting. So you... How long did that last for? Two seasons, actually. It was like two summers

it came out. It came out over the summer, but I did that while I uh two seasons actually it was like two summers it came out it came over over the summer but uh i did that while i was doing this is that what well yeah i was juggling you know i was doing i was doing you saw me there you saw you were around at that time yeah i saw you at the cbc all the time um and people that uh are outside of canada i'm a huge news anchor at cdc yeah graham is like our sort of our uh walter yeah he's our wonker cronkite there you go willie wonker cronk wonky cronky and he's the one who like takes off his glasses and looks at the camera and is like, hey, smarten up. Tough stuff's happening. Smarten up, America. Smarten up is what my dad would say when I was being

a dill weed. Yeah, I think my dad's big thing was use your head. Whenever I did something very stupid was use your head. How about you, Chris? I'm trying to think. He didn't really have... He hated us swearing though or not even really he hated i'm from the maritimes and we're in the maritimes i'm from new brunswick

no i didn't know that yeah um lovely place wonderful place have you played there have you done stand up in the in in monkton i have been there i haven't been to monkton i've been to uh saint john yes i was born in saint john they've got deep ties to the maritime but um there's a common phrase uh your maritime listeners will know this your maritime guests uh will know this is they say They say frig a lot. Yeah. Instead of fuck. But frig's fine, isn't it? Not to my dad. He would get so mad that we would be like, oh, frig this, frig this, man, frig that. And he'd be like, what are you? He would lose it. And we get in so much trouble.

And did that thrill you that you knew how to push his button so perfectly? I mean, I was never a rebellious child. I was always like, I was like confused by it because I'm like, what are you talking about? This is like kind of just like not offensive, this word. But it's like, fuck. The idiot? Yeah. Oh, you're taking his side, Dave.

Well, no, I'm just trying to figure out, like, that's how you use it, right? Yeah, totally. Yeah, that's true. So you're not fooling anybody. Yeah. And I'm trying to think of, like, we didn't have a word that we would substance. No, not like a West Coast. We would just, like, say the letter F, F-U.

F-U, yeah. I went to F University. Yes, I went to F. Let's figure thatU. F-U, yeah. I went to F University. Yes, I went to F University. Figure that out. Figure that out, Dad. Yeah, my parents were not, that was not a battle they decided to partake in, the swearing battle. That was something that they gave over to us in exchange for. In my family, famously, my brother was the one who cared the

most about it and wanted us not to swear and policed it older brother what it was older brother yeah and he my parents like it was a big deal if we ever heard them swear and it was like oh for sure mom said the f word in the car today but how are are you about that, Dave? Like, do you let it fly? I live with a woman who swears a lot. Oh, right. Who swears a lot. And while I try to police that, she's only swearing because she's in a bad mood. Well, not the time to talk to her about swearing.

in a bad mood and well i not the time to talk to her about swearing but growing up we weren't even allowed to say fart which wow which so in my family we called it a dirty noise what it's a great punk band name and then we shortened dirty noise got shortened to dirts who dirt's this is our listeners are loving this this is a classic this is a deep cut classic dave lingo man uh a dirts uh oh who dirt's oh someone did a dirt and then when we when anyone like when we heard the word fart to refer to the word fart we couldn't call it the f word because the f word is fuck yeah so we would always so we would always have to say oh he said the f word no not the f word he said the f word for dirt right right i haven't heard that story in so long i know it's a shumka

classic it's not even a story it's just like a little bit of uh etymology i would like you to put out a shumka classics kind of episode. That's like 20 minutes long. Maybe we should for the donors. Yeah. Yeah. The donors would love it. Yeah.

Yeah. All the Dave classic. Did you have a word, word like that? Graham? No, we were, we were fairly allowed to swear.

Like as long as we didn't do it at school. I, uh, yes. Past guest and a child boy. I like that. As long as we didn't do it at school. I, past guest, and a child boy I grew up with, Dan Werb. Child boy. Yeah, right. A child boy I grew up with, Dan Werb. His family, their word for fart was fluff. Oh, yeah. I've heard that.

Who, fluff? Which is bad. Yeah. I don't like that at all. No. Yeah, fluff is bad. We're a toot family at this point. I don't like that at all No I uh Yeah Fluff is bad We're in a

We're a toot family At this point Yes at this point We do that too That's so funny Toot Toot Yeah

My dad would call it A shit warning That's That's funny In Lauren's family there's a famous story about her brother sharting the bed and so shart is fine in her it's fine well in her family but in the maritimes shart is how you pronounce the word shirt oh my i sharted all over my shirt in my shirt um so where are we at we're at you and jan are had a tour

sorry this wasn't even on my rapid fire resume yeah we're still going okay 2018 everything changes you co-create the Sound Serious with me. Yeah. And then my life really gets good. Yeah. Pat and I made Kelly and Kelly which I don't...

Did we say that that's what the company is? Yeah, Kelly and Kelly Forest. You're having an all-out sale on dandelions and magnolias. Daffodils. Daffodils, that's right. Yeah, we started Kelly and Kelly, which is a podcast company and video and content thing. We started that in 2016.

Nice. Yeah, and we've kind of been doing that ever since. You've got an office that's the i'm very impressed by the fact that you have an office with your name on the door and it's not just uh you know like some warehouse somewhere or a post office box it's a real it's a real actual office it's uh you know in the world of offices i i don't know if we're totally at like the You know, in the world of offices, I don't know if we're totally at like the top tier or even the middle tier yet. Like I do still feel like we are just above a warehouse.

We literally are above a warehouse. Yeah. We hear a garage door like go up all the time. And we're also next to the most annoying thing to have as a podcast studio. So we don't, our walls aren't insulated and which is a problem because right next to us is a casting office. Oh yes. Back in the before times. And even last night,

Lauren and I, my wife and I were giving a podcasting workshop and there were people auditioning at the top of their lungs and it was at what time are we talking we're talking 5 30 6 5 30 okay i mean i think this was a bit of a um i think this was a bit of a actor an acting class yes because they were at the top of their lungs in like weird kind of aggro action film style like reciting mary had a little lamb and lauren got worried she was like i think there's a crazy person next door and i'm like no that's just an acting workshop acting workshop you know like an acting exercise

they're like mary had a little like really trying to imbue it with like emotion and it was so embarrassing for them um i'm embarrassed just hearing about it oh it made me cringe so badly but you know anyway we are in a uh older office it's very lovely but it has its flaws for sure well i didn't say it was flawless i just thought it was cool oh sorry i think you said we're in a flawless office yeah that's what i thought you said a fluffing a fluff office. Yeah. That's what I thought you said. A fluffing, a fluffing flawless office. We, we, uh,

it's not as bad as it was before COVID. Like they don't have the hallway packed with auditioners anymore. Yeah. That's the worst energy to walk through. It's like a gauntlet of just stress that we used to have. No, I've, I've walked through that gauntlet.

And, uh, the weird thing is, because I did auditions for a very short window of time, and finding out who else is your type when you're sitting in a room together, you're like, you can either be like, oh, they think I'm like pretty good looking. Look at the people I'm with.

I'm an Asian grandma. Weird. I feel like I present that way. Yeah. So, but then sometimes you're like, oh, I see. I'm playing the ugly man in this scenario. Did you ever do any, I know Chris must have, but did you ever do any of these kinds of like acting workshops where you would do Mary Had a Little Lamb with. With screams. With, you know, attitude. acting workshops where you would do Mary had a little lamb with, with screams with,

you know, attitude. Um, no, I think in college I took like a acting class could just for like fun. And, uh, you know what? It was fun.

And it was a great way to scream at strangers. Yeah. Yeah. A nice supportive environment to flip out, scream in the stranger's face remember like i did acting in high school and it was just like and workshops in like the summer and stuff and uh i'm a bad actor like i don't have any of the like human behavior to be an actor but like just like these what do you what do you mean say hello what the fuck does that mean

like you want it louder okay yeah like um but i just remember like a lot of like walking around trying to embody an animal like okay oh yeah yeah become the gorilla i think that they like i did i went to acting school like i graduated with a full degree in this and it's like, are you serious? Oh yeah. Like when I was talking about a failed comedy career, it was like a failed acting career. Um,

and it was, and I really wanted to do it. Um, and, uh, I think by year, like after you go through like one full year of it, you kind of like check your like cynicism you have to check

your cynicism at the door or else you just can't keep going forward like like when you start in the school are you already like i'll do anything to be an actor and so any no request from a director is too crazy basically wow it does get to that weird i mean not to get too dark on this but like so uh get dark okay i'll get i'll get slightly dark um we obviously we all have our like where were you when 9-11 happened i was in a theater class like doing a mask workshop with all the lights off rolling around pretending i was like whatever a cheetah you know and it's like and then I come out and I'm like learn the news and I'm like oh what the fuck am I doing with my life

like Jesus like it felt so brutal well can I take off the mask or am I still a cheetah until he says I'm not a cheetah anymore how would a cheetah respond to this news quickly you were in How would a cheater respond to this news? Quickly.

You were in Dalhousie. Were you in? Well, yeah, but didn't you like act in like, were you in Smallville? I was in Smallville. Shut up. What were you in Smallville? I was. So, Graham, I played a lot of nerds.

That was my calling. That was my type. That was your niche. I would find myself with a lot of nerds. So, I played a lot of nerds that was my okay that was my calling that was my type of niche i would find myself with a lot of nerds um so i played a nerd you were a nerd but like i was a nerd that had a i forget what my storyline those storylines are always like oh i have some sort of crystal that they need but you're in the dc universe now that's right you might show up in the snyder cut i hope so maybe i am in the snyder cut you might be yeah i should look i should like i got to show my daughter um i was on another show that's on disney plus right now called kyle xy oh yeah do you know this show

yeah i don't know why i know it but i do know he didn't have a belly button is that right yeah i mean that's that i it was that the hook. I mean, cause yeah, that's all he was like, he had to use an alien. I forget. I think that was, yeah,

but I don't, I've heard of it. Kyle X, Y. And, uh, I, I,

I, the, all of it's on there. And I found an episode and I was able to show my daughter and it, it truly blew her mind. Like she was like, what, what is happening?

Like to see, just to see me in the TV. Yeah. And so nerdy. Like she was like what what is happening like to see just to see me in the tv yeah and so nerdy like she's like have you been to moonlight as a nerd like oddly enough this was my one time where i was like maybe cast as like maybe not a hunk but like kind of cool yeah yeah yeah you know do you remember the character's name now now i don't i don't point extra nerdlemeyer um do you uh after you were in smallville um yeah were you lured into the nexium cult yes yes and i'm here to do that to you guys today okay here we go is it uh some sort of sex club so there's a guy named nippy who you've got to meet okay they have a podcast now yippy and sarah i've heard yes i mean you got are they

like is it a comedy chat i think but what you shared dave it kind of was like comedy adjacent it's kind of like isn't it crazy being in a cult? I didn't listen to it. I just saw the picture of them smiling. Dream, did you watch the NXIVM documentary? No, but I feel like I know what's going on with it. There's branding and such. You hung around Gastown in 2009. You get it. Yeah, yeah.

That was my stomping ground. 2009. Gassy Jack, they would call me. Because of how much you fluff. Yeah, because of all my fluffing. It's a wonderful documentary, I must say. Yeah. Anyway, so fast forward to today.

And now you're, what's the podcast? Oh, I'm producing Jan Arden's podcast. Are you okay? Oh, the one that you only just learned about this yeah yeah i was playing i was playing coy kind of thing oh yes yeah um so what now what next what next um oh well what's uh what i'm working on and literally have to leave this conversation and then go do more work on it is uh a wonderful show um that I've been making with Rainn Wilson of Office fame. Nice.

And Soul Pancake? And Soul Pancake. I don't know what his name is. And The Rocker fame. And The Rocker. Has anyone seen The Rocker? I think I saw The Rocker. He was also, he had the best cameo in Juno.

Yeah, he was like a clerk and he had some, it was really funny. I don't think he was famous enough back then for you to call it a cameo. It was like a clerk and he had some... It was really funny. I don't think he was famous enough back then for you to call it a cameo. I think it was just a role. You know, it's funny. He was stealing nerd roles from Chris. Yeah, yeah. Rain and I were in the same audition and it's like, well,

it makes sense. He got it. He got it. You know, it's funny. Jason Reitman, director of Juno. Did they win an Oscar for that? I feel like maybe Diablo cody did yeah okay uh jason reitman is on this show and i was always like what is their connection like rain is connected to everybody and he he called in all of his favors and like it's really cool like so the show is called dark air with terry carnation and it's um it's about a late night paranormal radio show host kind of like coast to coast am if you know that do you know

that show it's like no what's that art bell art bell anyway it was kind of it was like an 80s 90s late night radio it was like broadcast all over uh and people would call in and be like uh what do you think about this theory that the uh stonehenge is uh is related to bigfoot yeah there you go oh and then did he have an opinion on things or was he just facilitating he was just facilitating kind of famously he would be like but he was kind of like he had his own weird quirks like he would be yeah broadcasting from like new mexico or something and you were supposed to think he was at area 51 yeah yeah he had a lot of lore um yeah is this guy still around or is he passed on no he passed on but the show still exists so like it still happens and it

was actually cool as i remember like you'd get it in canada even and i'd be driving late at night and be like what is this show? It was definitely, it's a weird listen. So anyway, this show. My mom would just listen to the talk radio station. So it would be like Dr. Laura. Dr. Laura, I'm my kid's mom. I am my kid's mom.

What? Then Dr. Joy was this other woman. And her show kept going up until a few years ago. My mom used to listen to her podcast. And then she was like, Dave, why isn't this podcast updating anymore? I always needed to help my mom with her iPod. And then I laughed so hard because I Googled it. And I'm like, Dr. Joy died.

Podcast over. Oh, man. And then what else was there on that talk radio station mike walker from the national inquirer oh wow i feel like this is like an american syndicated thing that just got yeah yeah yeah but it would just come up to canada and then uh at night art bell yeah art bell creepy creepy friends on the phone yeah so Rain Show is basically an homage to Art Bell and there's like fun improv callers in the middle of it

and then there's a whole bunch of scripted stuff around it. This week, Jimmy Pardo's on it. Very funny. Jimmy Pardo. Improv thing. But yeah, no, Rain pulled in like a whole bunch of favors and we've got like Susan Sarandon narrating it and like sam neill from

jurassic park is improvising in it like it's it's really cool like we did it all over really cool yeah yeah so yeah we and i said we need to get someone from this uh podcast on our show and i was like oh can we get like susan sarandon and chris was like how about me do you want better the hunk from kyle xy who has a belly button prove it um the uh do you guys believe in any of this uh paranormal stuff do you have a like a leaning one way i want to do you know what i mean it's like one of those things where you're like i i i kind of eat up that believe yeah but i don't like i'm just like no yeah uh you graham i don't know i'm open to the possibility

of things yeah i don't i don't outwardly say no that didn't happen like i definitely don't feel like we know everything no and i also feel like when people say that something happened to them like something happened to them not right they're not just lying like uh you know if it's an alien or not they something made them i yeah i wonder how much of it is that thing where you're like retelling your dream to someone and you realize it's boring in the middle and you're like oh this probably like it took up 30 seconds in my brain but in my i feel like it was this giant thing yeah and i mean uh like yeah i'm i'm open to the possibility that all these things are going on

out in the spooky spooky world because what do i know i've only i don't know anything yeah you know what i mean yes yeah yeah i haven't been anywhere what's your favorite planet that i've been to yeah i'm gonna have to say saturn because that's where the cars came from and i love my saturn saturn automobile yeah saturn they came from the planet is that their does that was their cell You think they came from the planet? Is that their, that was their cell? Yeah.

Yeah. Remember? There were Mercury and Saturn were both kinds of cars? Yeah. And I think that's it, right? But like, what was, wasn't Saturn's whole thing?

Like if you buy a car, you're part of a family. Yeah. You're part of the family. Why didn't they hang around? I'm like where are the like i was quite moved by those commercials the reason i didn't every like 2008 when there was the financial crisis like killed gm owned 16 brands and they had to like get rid

of half of them and so saturn just that's that just fell under that saturn's gone pontiac's gone pontiac's gone yeah whatever about it oldsmobile and like uh oldsmobiles no buick's back sorry not old oh yeah left oldsmobile is like the worst name for a car yeah like that's something you would make fun of a car by saying it's an old so the word means old car is this what we're like yeah great from the latin for old car yeah this is what you want and um chris what was the first car you ever owned oh man well here's here's here's a here's a little bit of a tale the first car that i ever drove was a 1995 ford windstar yeah and the first time i drove it i was like i'm gonna take my friends to go see what is a windstar uh van well yeah van blue um yeah ford windstar i was like i'm gonna take my friends to see the movie,

to see a movie. And I thought it'd be really nice. I dropped them off. We were going to go see Bullworth. Yes. Yeah, that was super. No, no, not Bullworth. No, no, no.

No, what's the one where Eddie Murphy plays a nerd? Bowfinger. Bowfinger. That's what it was. It was Bowfinger. And I Was like Really nice

I'm gonna drop you guys off You guys go get the tickets I'm gonna go park This was my first time driving With my license And I Drove the car And

Totally Scraped The entire side of it And I was like Oh Fuck Against what what a parked car like the edge of a parked car didn't do any damage to the parked car but did so much damage to my car and i was like oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck and i didn't know what to do And so push it into a ravine. Yeah. Basically I wanted to put dispose of the body so badly.

And so what I did was I, my grand scheme was I'm going to put it near some shopping carts. You're staging the scene. Yeah. Put it near some shopping carts and blame the shopping carts like oh no oh the shopping carts ran into it and scraped it really deeply and did your parents buy it i um are they going to be finding out tonight they will be finding out if they ever listen to the show that that is what happened i i think i passed it off i don't know if they they frig

frigging you frigged up the car scraped up my windstar yeah i'm your dad that's a good impression of my dad that's pretty good i'm your dad ken kelly um uh graham what was the did you ever own a car graham i owned a couple of cars yeah what was the first you have to first was something yeah exactly i had a nissan stanza what is that it's it was a car that they only put out i think two years worth and then decided like is it a hatchback is it a sedan there was uh you could get it either as four-door or hatchback. And the thing was, the big attraction with it was that it was half silver, half maroon. That was the only color scheme you could get.

Like a superhero costume? Yeah. Are we talking, is it split down the middle? Like the passenger side is maroon and the... No, horizontal. And then the inside, the passenger side is maroon and the no other horizontal and then the inside the interior was bright red like everything in the interior was like like lush lush red padding and it it was pretty great and they like they only produced it for two years and realized nobody wants these two-tone cars and And I got whatever was left over.

It broke down so many times. And then I got a Toyota that also broke down all the time. But yeah, Calgary, you didn't have a choice. You needed to have a car. That went away, that kind of plush interior. I just feel like it got so stained and so gross. But I do miss it. Yeah.

My now our car has a leather interior. Ooh. Fancy, dude. Yeah. Well, yeah. I've had a good year. This sounds serious, Doc. Decided to treat yourself. I had all the old interior taken out of my subaru and replaced with leather um uh our last car had like neoprene interior okay like scuba diving

scuba suit material oh wow that's pretty cool is it yeah i mean yeah i mean it's cool it's fine it's it doesn't stain like that's i mean yeah what maybe it does i don't know yeah like if you drop water on it when not as little as leather stains um yeah like fluffy interiors of cars that's no that's a thing of the past yeah it is i remember there was a guy in high school who had who drove an old mobile and they had like those old old mobiles had like cushions like yes you know what i mean when you say fluffy do you mean the fabric was fluffy like a fleece vest yeah it's kind of yeah a microfiber kind of vest you know like a thinner fleece and like and you know the roof and the sides on the inside

were all covered in this stuff yeah like this soft soft to the touch uh and it was all one color it was all one color yeah i went to uniclo a couple weeks ago and i was uh they had these the like the these furry fleece vests yes force jackets that were like, they look like they're made of, they're like fur coats. Right. But they're made of, you know, old water bottles. And knowing what we know about COVID now and how it doesn it's not real it doesn't really live on surfaces you could not sell these if there was like a pandemic that was all you know particles on surfaces you could not sell these fluffy coats because everyone touches them when you walk past them in the store yes yeah yeah and probably if you're wearing the vest people would like use that as an excuse to come

over and give you a little yeah yeah exactly a little rub well what's that texture fingers did your parents or did your mothers specifically own fur coats no no this was a thing my dad would buy my mom full fur coats wait wait was your dad a pimp yeah yes like this like a full yes yes yes like every year he would buy her well no but there was i would say there's probably three like did they did they fall out of the back of a truck no was he in the mafia no this is a desired fashion item dave there was a um abby has a couple uh what that a couple of like i don't know if she still has them they were she bought them used there's like a whole ethical thing around fur and like and furries but like buying buying used and like and uh but also the people who are uh you know making their livelihoods off of fur there's an ethical way of doing it there's a traditional

way of doing it and then there's like uh not so much yeah but i think there used to be a big fur store. At. In. Where VTS is. By Victory Square. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, I think it's closed. Oh. Papa's Furs.

Yeah. Papa's Furs. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Is that still there? No, it's gone. Vancouver, not VTS, Vancouver Film School bought it. And that's all in there now.

But. That's it. Yeah. They filmed their tributes to jeremiah johnson and whatnot he wore fur i don't know who that is you know when uh people post that uh like the gif of robert redford kind of smiling oh yeah camera yeah is that robert redford yeah with a big beard yeah huh yeah it's a guy who looks like Robert Redford. It's Robert Redford.

It's Robert Redford. He gives a little nod? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hmm. That's Jeremiah Johnson? Yeah, I think that's the name of the character. Is he like a Davy Crockett figure? He's like a guy who lives out in the woods and survives by his wits.

Kind of guy. It's crazy to think that the meme is more successful than the movie. Do you know what I mean? Like, like there, I think that's true of a lot of things. Well, I know,

but it's just crazy. It's, it is kind of crazy to think about like where, you know, this movie that was made in the seventies, like obviously they couldn't have foreseen that this like one frame or four frames would be like what i hope happens to me at some point something that somebody finds online that you know turns it into a bitcoin or something in the future i just i just hope that in my life i'm a lot less fungible than i was

so in death i'm a lot less fungible than i was in my life um the uh i yeah i hope someone you know samples our podcast and we get a little bit of that right that's a scratch in a beyonce song in 20 years uh i knew a guy who's a poet here in vancouver named shane koizan and he went on a tour of europe based on the fact that some very famous dj over there sampled one of his poems and so he was able to travel clear across europe as being the guy who was sampled for that song yeah did he travel with the dj and then just do the sample live no maybe he did i don't know but anyways people were like he's the guy from the from this it would be like if everybody's allowed to wear sunscreen guy went on tour. Sure.

Which is pretty cool. Did you listen to the podcast about that song? It's a great. No. Yo, very good. It was Switched on Pop? Yes. That did it?

Switched on Pop and Avery Truffleman. What's the story? So that song, it's credited to Baz Luhrmann. Right. Moulin Rouge fame. Yes. Uh, and it's, uh... I mean, it was a while ago that I listened to this.

I won't have the details right. Let's see if we can piece this together. So the song, uh, so this woman, this writer had written like advice to a graduating class to the graduating class of whatever yeah i think she was in chicago and she just wrote this newspaper article always wear a sunscreen you know do the funky chicken at your daughter's dance. Yeah, exactly. And then it got in the early days of the internet before there were like, uh, back when people used to just email things to each other, memes were like emailed to each other,

emailed this, uh, this advice to people. And, but they credited it to Kurt. Oh, Kurt Vonnegut. Kurt Vonnegut.

Right. I was going to say Kurt Braunohler. Yeah. Yep. Yeah, Kurt Vonnegut. Kurt Vonnegut, right. I was going to say Kurt Braunohler. Yeah. Yep. Yeah, Kurt Vonnegut. Yeah. And then, what's his face? Baz Luhrmann was putting together this compilation of music to raise money.

And he contacted Kurt Vonnegut. And Kurt Vonnegut was like, yeah, I don't know what that is. I've heard of that, but it's not me and so they got a guy who sounded like kurt vonnegut to read it right over these beats yeah and that's and then it became like this huge hit yeah like a legitimate hit yeah that's i i love the story of a song that's not a one hit wonder because it wasn't even a a band to begin with right yeah wasn't macarthur park that same way it wasn't it wasn't actually a band it was two people writing the craziest song they could or whatever i don't know that's what i that's what i've heard that it was like a bet between two guys yeah and then but they weren't

a band like they that was their song that they put out there in the world and they never toured and it was just like like the sunscreen song like you couldn't get get that kind of tour no no voiceover artist um yeah i think we should people i'd like to see a cover band do it at weddings yeah yeah that would be cool. My dad loved that. Speaking of my dad, because I feel like it's... Ken loved that song. He just loves a good message. Yeah, he's got a great message. You know, it's got a good message.

Yeah, that was probably like the premier novelty song of that era. 99 or whatever it was. I don't know. I feel like there were... I mean, what do you call a novelty song? Something like

Wear Sunscreen. Wear Sunscreen. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's probably the best one. Cotton Eye Joe. No, see, Cotton Eye Joe's just like a song.

Yeah, the Vengabus. Hamster Dance, yeah. Pretty Fly for a White Guy. The Bloodhound Gang. Yeah. I mean, it's not a novel. They were an band you're right you're right you're right like a novelty song is like somebody who does like jingle cats or something like that yeah yeah i mean still sells a million copies but the uh um uh the sugar sugar you know which the arches yeah i'm like is that a novelty song because you know yes yeah okay yeah but it was it wasn't that i feel like that yes go i don't know enough facts about

that but i feel like it may have been written by andy kim who did it was it was and what did he what else did he write he did rock me gently rock me slowly oh nice uh he's a canadian 70s singer but apparently yeah 60s anyway what are we we're not the crew from switched on pop yeah but the the fact that it's like the archies aren't a band like yeah no i guess so i guess that's a good point they're cartoons yeah so what about gorillas yeah gorillas would they tour would people go to their show yeah they would do they would do like a theater thing where they have like cartoons playing uh cartoons on a screen while they like patrol just kind of playing yeah it was kind of like they were they were like paw patrol live i know the gorillas i like i remember the that first gorillas album came out when i was like

20 and i knew a lot of people who liked it and i was like it's a cartoon guy like i know it's got damon albarn but it kind of a cartoon still. You look down your nose at all the Disney classic musicals. These are all just by dumb cartoons, you guys. Yeah, kind of. Very good. Yeah, I feel like the Ninja Turtles, when they went on tour, that was a novelty. Ah, that was the real deal. They went on tour?

What do you mean? That was the real deal. They went on tour? What do you mean? They had guys who dressed up like the turtles and pretended to play like drums and guitar. Oh my. Which Ninja Turtles? What do you mean? Four of them.

Were they just Ninja Turtles or were there any other modifiers? They were young adults. Genetically advanced. Uh-huh. Ninja turtles. There you go.

Oh, yeah, the Y-A-G-A-N-T. The adolescent. But they, yeah, they would go around and, like, do a live concert and there was like shredder had a song and uh it was a sad ballad no the sad ballad was by splinter oh he's saying a sad ballad in the middle of the show did you see this show no but i've watched if you go on youtube you can watch the whole there's a great podcast about the origins of the California raisins, which is also like a novelty non-existent band. Yes. It was an ad.

Didn't that guy, he like signed NWA or something like that. This is so like, this episode is tiny fragments of thoughts. Yeah. The first half was solid. I mean, yeah. of thoughts yeah the first half was solid i mean yeah in the nwa movie they meet the guy california raisins guy and they're like we're out of here and he's like hey i thought so too until the money started rolling in and so that was their first album was on like whatever california what's your favorite california raisin song the the christmas one they do in the yeah

carol of the bells yeah yeah that slaps i love those claymation raisins but like i love the idea that somebody made they made them obviously for an ad campaign or something for the california raisin board or whatever it was it was like it it was it was like not it was it was like for to raise awareness for like by california raisins we're raising awareness that was their previous campaign council i thought all were raising tonight we're also raising awareness but then they like so they were so popular like demanded a follow-up yes they were so popular that they demanded tours they demand like it was a number one hit yeah i i loved him when i was a kid me too i um uh i've talked about this on the show before about how when i was a kid in the 80s not knowing who was a real person

like i didn't know if is peewee herman a real person is mr t a real person is max headroom a real person yeah they would like kind of appear in peewee herman would be himself on his show but then he would be in movies yeah but mr t is mr t mr t is mr t but he's b.a barackas right but who's very similar to mr t and like doesn't even change earrings and now walks off set and he's just mr teeth and now. And now my daughter, Poppy, was asking me, like, is Lady Gaga a real person? And I was like, yes. Nope. She's made up.

Well, she is. I guess she's made up. Yeah. Stephanie Germanotta or whatever is a real person. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, that's a tough. I remember being confused about the California raisins.

Are they real raisins. No, no, no. These guys around, around. I heard it through the grapevine. Cause you know, you, you hear the, like, I heard the California raisin song first. Right. And it made so much sense. I was like, yeah, right.

Of course the raisins would write a song about a grapevine. Cause they're from there and then and then you're like wait marvin gay what what do you mean like he's he covering their song yes that's what your parents should have told you yeah exactly but it was confusing to your point dave you're just like what i what is what is reality yeah and it was like it was confusing to your point dave you're just like what i what is what is reality yeah and it was like it was sold to kids as a separate thing from raisins like it wasn't targeting kids to eat raisins it was like ah these guys they're just hanging out their friends their characters cutting tracks together i feel like that was something that didn't last very long like by

the time they realized it was popular and they tried to capitalize on it, it was too late. Everybody moved on to the Noid. Oh, the Noid. Was he Dominus? Yeah. There was a real claymation renaissance at that time. Yeah, like the

California Raisins had their own Christmas special, which my brother said when we were kids, I thought it was like an hour long thing. It's like less than 18 minutes. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, well. So when we last recorded, it was

still March. A lot has happened since then. We've had Easter. The bunnies visited. Yeah. Yeah. Fun, fun collecting of eggs and such. Such fun collecting of eggs and such.

But also what has also happened was April Fool's Day. Yes. Right. Yeah. How did the girls take that? They loved it so i the day or maybe two days before april fool's day i took them to the prank store on granville island oh this is a magic store dave it's a magic store but uh the the man who works there was very lonely and was like so thrilled that kids were coming into the store yeah and so he like

was uh you know hey uh would you like a donut you pick up the donut oh there's a roach underneath nice a pot thing right the end of a joint a little uh little unsmoked doobie slug. And I had warned Abby, like, okay, we're going to, the kids are really into April Fool's. We're going to prank you. Here are the pranks we're going to do. Yeah, here's an itemized list. So you're not, so you can pretend you're having fun with this yeah that's great so go through the prank yeah give us some gold i i said uh first

things first when you wake up uh in the morning the uh you're gonna walk out of your bedroom and there's gonna be saran wrap on the door whoa yes uh which is something you don't get at the prank store you get it yeah saran wraps diy now sidebar has did anybody ever try that when they were youths the that was a bit of like an urban legend like the saran wrap on the toilet toilet seat thing yeah that yeah that i i've definitely tried and it just like sank into the toilet and maybe broke the toilet too because the flushing saran wrapped down the toilet not great no um so we yeah we put it on the door which is i don't know if that's a real prank i know they home alone does that yes home alone does it that's right right. That little boy Home Alone. And he, but he puts like glue on it and then a bunch of feathers get blown at one of those rascally robbers.

So that happened. Yeah. And then we went down, Abby came downstairs and all these pranks we had to like set her up for them right like explain the context before you did the prank in a very obvious way yeah

and which the kids didn't know that these were bad pranks they thought they this is as good as it gets they're yeah real Alan Funtz

yeah so they were like oh mom you better go to the bathroom now. And now that you're downstairs, please go to the bathroom. And there was a big fake dog poo on the toilet lid. Got her. Got her. Yeah.

Pretty good. Abby played it up. And then she came back to the kitchen and it was like, oh, would you like your morning glass of water now? Let us get that for you. This is what they do every day. They're always welcoming their mother, making sure she gets a glass of water. And so there were these little like spongy dots, these little kind of tiny little pills that you put in the water and they expand into, they look like worms in the water. Oh, yeah.

And then that, oh, that might have been it. That might have been the last one. We also got a whoopee cushion that day. Nice. And did you employ it? Yeah, but like we had been employing it nonstop since we got it. So that was not really a prank so much as the greatest invention ever yeah and it's one of the new self-inflating ones what right with the foam in it

yeah i've never heard of this what i only know the having to blow into that weird rubbery tube no it's the same thing except there's like a weird foam inside that always wants to expand and it sucks the air through a different hole ah yes to inflate it and so that's like that's disrupting that was like that was a game changer that was true they were they were the saturn of yeah of whoopee cushions there's a real community around that our kids call it a toot balloon to Toot balloon. That's cute. That's like an off-market whoopee cushion toot balloon. Dollar store. Do you remember the little, all, every whoopee cushion had a cartoon on it.

Yeah. But it was a kind of instructions though. It was a, yeah. And it would deliver a real quote unquote Bronx cheer. Bronx cheer. Yeah. Right. The other term for a fart that I just remembered is a barking spider. You ever heard of that? Yes, I have. I think so. Yeah. Right. The other term for a fart that I just remembered is a barking spider.

You ever heard that? Yes, I have. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. But like making whoopee doesn't mean people get together and eat beans together.

Like that's, that's like some, that's slang for sex somehow. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. You're not just flattening whoopee cushions. No, you're not. Which is what whoopee cushions no you're not which is what that implies yeah you know boy that is that is so true deep deep um did you ever prank anyone uh yeah i did i literally i put saran wrap on the toilet seat and it hung down so low

that it got in the water and i can't remember if i flushed it out of embarrassment but i don't remember picking it out of the toilet so i don't know what its ultimate destination was um was this at home this was when i was a kid yeah get at home uh having fun i lived with a roommate where i taped up his whole door while he was asleep with, uh, like that caution tape for his birthday. Uh, so that was fun. And yeah,

but I'm not, uh, like a prank seems like a lot of work to get a thing that people feel embarrassed and bad about, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, did you ever,

uh, I did want the, you know, like, and I feel like this was only because i was like playing into like the the stereotype of being in college right it was like we filled a friend's dorm room like filled it with balloons like like to the ceiling it was so much work it was so much work it was fun but it was like what like it's literally for like one reaction yeah you know it's like there's a real big swing you know for not much

do you remember the offspring song original prankster yeah yes yes but that was a take off on original gangster right now that I'm thinking about it, yes. But I don't think I ever thought that until just now. So this band became quite the novelty band. Yes, yes. And he has his own hot sauce. If anybody's wondering if Osprey made their own hot sauce. I think the list of rockers with their own hot sauce is longer than my arm.

rockers with their own hot sauce is longer than my arm uh that was my favorite on entertainment tonight when i was younger and they referred to tommy lee as rocker tommy lee or bad boy her marriage to rocker tommy lee rocker tommy lee has a a Starbucks in his own home. Rocker Tommy Lee used a burrito to disguise the smell of his penis. Back to you, John Tesh. So you did April Fool's Day and then you did egg hunt? Pardon me? Sorry, you did egg hunt? Pardon me? Sorry, what did you say? I was literally going to say there was an ice cream flavor at the ice cream place around the corner called Egg Hunt. And I wanted it, but I went out of my way to not say it.

I kept saying the egg one, please. Can I get one of the egg ones? I went to get it, but there was a lineup outside. And so I didn't do it. And then I went to get it, but there was a lineup outside, so I didn't do it. And then I went back the next day and it was gone. It's like Easter, man. Yeah. Graham, what's going on with you?

Very little. That egg hunt story was most of what I had to talk about. But another thing, it's like, so during this pandemic, a lot of people. What pandemic? The pandemic. another thing it's like so during this pandemic a lot of people pandemic um pandemic uh it's a new dance uh by the archies uh my favorite band um do the pandemic everyone's doing it uh relax put on a mask yeah now shimmy shimmy shake shoot shimmy to the left shimmy to the right how are you feeling about seeing like young people in America, like in Canada, only old people are getting the vaccine still,

but like seeing people our age getting the vaccine. Are we young? I know, I guess, but we're not eligible yet. No, that's true. Yeah.

I don't know. Like we're not doing a good job of it. I know that much. I think we're, we're not doing a good job of like managing I know that much. I think we're, we're not doing a good job of like managing the pandemic, but I think we're, we, we have as many doses as we have and we're rolling it out reasonably.

But, but it does just seem like, you know, you're just like, really? Fuck. They fucked up for all year and they're getting all these shots. I know.

Man, like we were such good people yeah we were we really didn't fuck up so much we really like um these but they're getting it yeah so but now we're fucking up hard yeah yeah now we're really fucking up. And, uh, you know, it's, it's been a wild ride and, uh, thanks for joining us. Yeah. Um,

uh, the other, well, so like during the pandemic, a lot of people had had babies. There's a lot of people that had babies over the pandemic time. And a lot of people got puppies. And,

uh, so here's the thing. Like I was walking down the street and I passed by a goth, a real deal goth as you can get goth were they young come here satan they were they were like young a young goth uh but in full like crazy boots that were platform boots and uh the makeup and a collar and long coat fishnet fishnet hand things and uh maybe a little steampunk accent here and there some goggles but she was walking with a labradoodle and i was like well that's a very cute dog but but not appropriate for yeah you should have some kind of, like... What is it? Okay, give me an appropriate dog for this.

Cerberus. Yes. That's right. Three-headed dog. Great. I don't know, like a Doberman, maybe, or something. Yeah, there you go. Something, like, that could attack.

Something black. Yeah, that's right. Can I say that? I don't think so. Like, I mean, for no other reason, then you're going to get little hairs on your clothes that are going to ruin the,

the goth effect, the goth effect. Yeah. Yeah. Watching a goth walk down the street with a super excited puppy was, uh, just wanted to meet everyone. And the goth is like,

this is against everything I stand for. And the goth is stumbling around on their big platform maryland manson boots i don't like this joy i don't want to meet people i'm a god oh so people were coming over and going oh what a cute dog yeah like people you could tell that people were like huh well i didn't pet your dog if you must i'll allow it. Drinking from a big goblet. But it is funny to see somebody that's like, is very into that stuff because they put so much work into their look.

Yeah. And then to have it all undone by a puppy that just jumps up on everything. The puppy, they didn't even bother putting like a leather corset corset on the dog like a little or like vinyl platform uh booties with those things so performative though like i always think about like the thought that goes into like even if you're a hardcore punk or you're a goth or you're just like just the elaborate costume that you're having yeah i'm in awe of it i'm in awe of somebody who gets up early does a fancy makeup fixes their hair all fancy coordinates an outfit of any sort yeah uh i i think it's uh i i applaud it in all its many and i i would do it as well

like i admire it so much and i would do it the only fear i have is one single person saying anything about it i can't do this i'm gonna go change yeah no i don't mean goth i mean like putting any kind of like oh dave put on a snazzy little coat today. Fuck you. Yeah, it's going in the ravine. I hate this. Cue it up, Dave. Previous guest, Maddie Kelly, and I were talking about this. I do have this desire because we don't see anybody, people at all in public,

like at gatherings or events. It does feel like there will be i at least i have this desire to like i haven't had to dress up in any way in so long that i do i kind of have this desire to like put on like a tie or something or put on a suit of or the dress of armor nicer than yeah suit of armor and i was like i'm so excited for when we can go back to medieval times after this no you're gonna you're allowed 20 people at medieval times uh in toronto um yeah yeah i just feel like there will be this this overt kind of like everyone peacocking and like dressing up when the pandemic is finally over yeah i want to dazzle people yeah i feel like there's gonna be a razzle dazzle show yeah i think you're right

and i think a lot of people will be showing off their their new look or their new body or a new phone who it is yeah so that's uh that's basically it i saw a goth with a very cute puppy and that's great i hope to one day be a goth with a new puppy yeah it's uh it's not outside of your grasp just don't ask anybody for their opinion you'll be fine yeah i already have a black lace umbrella you just picked it up uh completely unaware from like an umbrella store yeah well no just like one of those like uh on my way out of a restaurant just stealing someone's umbrella it had like a skull handle how's it doing the rain that lace how does that work for you well you know what uh

karma's a bitch um should we move on to some overheards yes love it are you riddled with guilt over your tbr pile are you filled with shame about a book that you just can't seem to finish are you having regrets because grad school killed your love of reading wear reading glasses and we're here to help. I'm Mallory. And I'm Bria. Let us absolve you of all your reading guilt. Stuck on a book you don't like? We'll help you dump it. Can't figure out what to read

next? We'll recommend something in your wheelhouse. Can't decide where to buy your books from? We'll point you in the right direction. No matter what you read or how you read it, we'll help you do it better green glasses every thursday on maximum overheard overheards uh my oh my if you're lucky enough in this day and age to overhear something congratulations to you bullying chips

for you uh what you've done it yes and uh if you ask yeah go ahead no good no i'll please and you and go ahead but chris uh you're you're a first timer on the show you don't have to have any overheards from these day this day and age so i had a couple i had i had a couple like uh shortlisted and i did have one from 20 years ago but i'm not gonna do it now do you want to do them both together do you want to do one and then we go around and then we come back to you no no i think i'll just do one this is from two years ago this is just one overheard chris is just doing the one everyone 2019 everybody uh 2019 hmm yeah 2019 uh definitely i i was thinking about that like when in preparing for this i'm

like yeah tough time for over yeah absolutely but you know what we make do or muffled time for overheards just a lot lot of through mask content. Yeah. So, okay. So, and this, I'll have to give this caveat because, well, I did use this joke in a pilot, but it is an overheard. Wait a minute. You're glossing over the whole thing about the pilot. What was this a pilot for?

Maddie, or not even, yeah, the pilot. Maddie Kelly has written this funny pilot for maddie or not even yeah the pilot maddie kelly uh has written this funny pilot i offered it up as a joke i don't think she knew that it was like an actual real thing right um but uh it was i think i believe dave cut it so dave may not laugh at this joke but okay so i was uh getting ready for a wedding my uh no uh yeah my cousin's wedding and i had to go shopping for uh a suit okay and i was at the mall and you know kind of tough tough to find a place to get to get a suit yeah i went to uh this this is the store in canada our canadian listeners will know it called rw and co oh yeah rw and co how would you guys describe rw and co for the american

listener boy it's a mall it's only in mall only in malls yeah it's uh oh boy it's it's youth oriented but it's like a you know it's like if you are 22 and have to go to a funeral but like a cool funeral but it's not that cool it's not like an H&M it's like it's like yeah if you're 22 and have to work in an office but you're cool

you've got an earring just to let everybody know this isn't what you do you actually are still a skateboarder on weekends so yeah you're just fixing the printer this is a place and this is important for the context this is a place where you might go and get a funky shirt oh like a funky button-up kind of thing yeah funky button-up but it's still kind of wear under your you know boring suit but i'm cool show that you're cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was actually there with my lovely daughter,

Georgia, and we were, we were shopping and we went to the change rooms. I was trying on a suit and I, somebody came out of the change room wearing an RW and co shirt and said, does this shirt make me look like a property brother? That actually is exactly the description of yeah property brothers what the real estate property brother wears

i didn't get to hear the response but i can only imagine that yes yes it did make them look like a property brother and then they were like sold yeah i don't know if that's what they were going for i don't know if they they like the property brothers or not but how could you not brothers i feel like have invaded our culture in a way too much but like in such a way that you don't have to ever have watched the property brothers yeah right like and even i have no i don't think i've ever watched it but i know one is like the like fix it guy and one is the real estate agent guy. Yeah, but they both look like real estate agents. Yeah.

They're part of this weird cohort of media personalities that kind of drift away from the thing that they were known for. Like the fact like Dr. Oz is hosting Jeopardy. They're just like, oh, they're all, you know, it's Ryan Seacrest is here and Property Brothers just move into that slot. We're really the Teleprompter Brothers. But yeah, it's like this weird level of celebrity. And they wear funky

shirts. Yeah, absolutely. How are you going to know they're funky otherwise? Yeah, exactly. They have to say it all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Um, Dave, do you have an overheard?

Um, mine is from a, uh, a news story. There's a local restaurant that defied their orders to close. Oh yes. Yes. Uh,

it's called corduroy. Yeah. I used, I don't know if they still do comedy there, but they did. Were they doing, were they doing comedy up until? No. Corduroy. Yeah. I don't know if they still do comedy there. But they did. Were they doing, were they doing comedy up until? No. Yesterday.

Okay. Yeah. Anyway, so that's beside the point. Uh, this place, uh, had a, uh, was one of two or three restaurants in town that made the news defying the, the orders to close to indoor dining during the pandemic. And so the news went there and there was this guy on the news who was just a guy at the restaurant, but they were interviewing him. I guess he was a patron of the restaurant.

And he was the dictionary definition of a hippie. He was a white guy with dreadlocks, one dreadlock longer than all the others. Yep. And, uh, he had a, uh, t-shirt, uh, from Vancouver's nude beach, rec beach that said the rec beach bear buns run. But he's, he's going against his own, uh, rules. Yeah yeah he bought the t-shirt from a nude beach um and uh the the reporter the man on the street reporter there was just asking him like so the the they've been told to close but they're still open what are your thoughts on that and his response was i try not to think it gets me in trouble he's gotten by on his looks

all these years yeah and this was like no like no reason to put this on tv but they knew they had they knew god they knew it like this guy oh we got it but this guy is one of the patrons of this place yeah we are really gonna tar them all with the same brush here um uh you haven't overheard yeah not not as good as your guys's uh this is uh i've been hanging out in this plaza a lot. There's this plaza set up by the one by my house. Yeah. I've been hanging out at this plaza. I'll come to the plaza. Next time I'm at the plaza,

I'm going to send you a text and say at a TP and you'll know what it means. The plaza. Okay. Yeah. Um, and, uh, there was parties,

American tennis pros. These are good. keep calling you guys all American rejects at the parliament at the parliament what we say Alberta theater productions

and there we go and we're done there's a woman chatting with her friend about our own temple pilots. Town temple pilots is good. Very good. Um, go ahead and ask the promises will be the last time. Ask the priest.

Um, anyways, there's a woman talking to her friend about a mutual friend. And, uh, she was saying, well, all he does,

he just watches movies all day. And he thinks I don't know about the rum in his coffee, but I do. Oh, shit. You said that wasn't as good as ours. That's great. Yeah,

it was, it was okay. But I really liked this hippie story. I mean, the, the property brothers one, but I think that I don't know about the rum in his car. Like what would you you put in coffee?

Kahlua, I guess. Kahlua or Bailey's? Yeah, Bailey's. It feels like exposition from a movie about a drunk or something. It feels like a small scene where you're like, oh, they're drunk. Aha. Aha. I've got it. Now we also have overheards sent into us

from people all over this fantastic blue marble we call Earth. If you want to send one into us. What a planet. Gotta love it. Send it into sbyat maximum fun.org and uh first uh one is from craig from the res craig from the revs uh i was in at the band ween's concert outside of missoula a few years ago while it was still light i was at the refreshment area and overheard a

cool dad and his 15-year-old son talking. The rad dad told his son, well, the thing about weaned girls is... What? Whoa. Wow. I want to know the rest of that line. Me too. I don't know

what the... What is the... Boy, I couldn't... I don't know what the what what is the they're crazy boy i couldn't i don't know they're they're few and far between yeah exactly yeah like i could picture your average ween fan but i would think it would be a dude yeah yeah nerdy dude were they kind of for the nerds no they were like stoner nerds i think yes yeah like this dreadlocked guy who doesn't think any. I remember in high school, some girls were practicing like a dance routine in the theater room. Yeah. And another girl I was with, and their dance routine was to a Nine Inch Nails song.

So they were goths. But they were secret goths because the other girl I was talking to said, I didn't know they were nin girls. Now, nin girls and ween girls, they do not get along. No, you don't want to bring them to the same party. My goodness. And I'd never heard of Nine Inch Nails. I knew Nine Inch Nails was abbreviated to NIN,

but never NIN. You'd never heard it in con... Yeah, right. That's like how a mother would say it is. Well, you enjoy yourself at the NIN concert. Yeah. I'm making extra dessert. Do you want to bring some for NIN?

That's good. I'm making extra dessert do you want to bring some for Nin? This next one comes from Scott in Taos, New Mexico Two women walking through an outdoor shopping area. One says to the other do you think I'll get a face mask tan line? Yeah you know, not possible or impossible? One says to the other, do you think I'll get a face mask tan line? Yeah.

Yeah. You know, not possible or impossible. No, very, very possible. Very possible. If you've got like, what kind of face mask are we thinking here? Not like a robber's face mask. Like a balaclava. So you're tanning your eyes and your mouth.

No, I think your average like COVID covid mask yeah oh sure my my niece uh in california has a face tan right now yeah okay yep yep i never wear mine i'm not outside long enough around people to wear one but i when i hear face mask i just like i think a mask is just something you put on but i hear face mask i think like a a beauty thing sure but also like what other think a mask is just something you put on, but when I hear face mask, I think like a beauty thing. Sure. But also, like, what other kind of mask is there, if not face? It's true. Oh, you're saying it's redundant?

Well, some people say underwear is the mask of the pants. Oh, that's true. And the masked singer is... An awesome show. So, like, one of the masked singers, I know it was a big thing on the internet a couple weeks ago but it was kermit the frog was the mask right mask dancer or singer singer no it was a mass thing you're doing dancer no no yeah dancer was always a dancer or was it no singer it was singer but they also have a dancing version of this crazy show but like that's the thing that

you were talking about dave like where what is real what is not like that's true totally but yeah that is a show that like you cannot accuse it of having lost the plot no yeah because the plot is in the title but also what it never had the plot yeah it has no plot. Literally. There are no rules. Yeah. There are no rules. It's chaotic. The rule is they have to wear a mask and then they remove the mask.

And that's the show. But like, is the puppeteer also wearing a mask? Yeah. Right. The Russian doll where it's just like, you remove Kermit and then. But can you imagine just lying awake one night and coming up with that as an idea?

Everybody dresses as a mascot or maybe it was a furry that was like, hey, what if we sang and danced? That would be neat. What if Victor Oladipo was one of us? Who is Victor Oladipo? He was a basketball player who was on one of the seasons of the mask singer now would that be something when he revealed himself that people were like i'm not sure

no there's a little delay as robin thick gets in his ear that's victor oladipo freak out because it's victor oladipo how's that how's victor oladipo ken jong doesn't know who victor oladipo is that would be a very great moment though if all what four judges were just like i don't know who you are could you put the mask back on please um who are the judges on is is nicole scherzinger one of them or is the property brother on that show jim i wouldn't be surprised one of them it's it's that kind of echelon of celebrity that is just like okay you're either hosting jeopardy or fixing houses um the last one comes from allison in florida i was laying out by the pool in my apartment complex and i heard this guy i know right it's fancy i always had a fantasy of living in a hotel

complex with a pool and i always had a fantasy of living in a hotel complex with a pool. And I always had a fantasy of whistling at a lady. So laying out by the pool, I heard this guy proudly say to his two friends, this will be my first summer with a boat and no girlfriend. The world is your oyster. yeah wow yeah the possibility where

was she writing in from uh from florida yeah of course yeah that's big boat country this boat country and not girlfriend country that's the venn diagram like yeah boat no girlfriend i mean i've had plenty of summers with a girlfriend and no boat yeah that's right you did the opposite yeah um don't tell my wife um yeah okay yeah there i'm done in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod one like these people have hey dave graham and guest this is liz calling from amsterdam with an overheard i was taking a walk yesterday and passed a woman talking loudly on the phone.

She was saying, no quinoa. No quinoa. No quinoa. Fuck quinoa. Except it was in Dutch, so she was saying, hang quinoa. Thought you might appreciate it. Bye. It's my birthday and I don't want any quinoa there Take it off the menu

Quinoa Do you guys like quinoa? Is that a grain you can get behind? I think that's a good I'm a rice guy You like rice? I love rice You know what I like guys?

Farro I don't even know if I've had farro. It's yum. It is yum. I made a farro salad this weekend, but you know what? I don't know. Rice. Yeah, I mean, yeah, obviously rice, noodles.

These are the things that get you to the party. But then once you're at the party, try some of that farro. Yeah. Have you ever been to a Christian camp where they sing Louie Louieis but pharaoh pharaoh yes let my people go oh yeah yeah yeah pharaoh pharaoh um oh what do you guys what are your thoughts on couscous uh yeah pretty cool good yeah okay well do you want to rank the grains okay the grains feels like a dough boy is like like, four-part series. No, no. This is absolutely. Original content.

Okay, original content. Ranking the grains. Mitch from the Doughboys said, hey, we should have you on the show. When you came on our show, he said, we should have you on our show sometime. Never heard from him again. The pitch back. Four months, Mitch. Yeah.

So what are we ranking? Grain. Grains. Grains. got we've got rice rice is number one but like but just before we rank them let's let's see who's in the field yeah uh uh rice couscous couscous quinoa farro uh bulgar bulgar good one yeah fife vife fife i don't even know that one red fife oh it's lentil lentil here here we go lentils red lentils but that's a bean isn't it is it i don't think it's a grain but i could be wrong you know what i don't know okay let's it's not in the running what are ancient grains um moldy moldy grains that have been left in a barn what about grains of sand oh yeah grains of sand you know what i'm gonna say that's number one sand grain is number one

because it's got the the most populous uh type of it's the grainiest. Okay, here are, I just found a website that had 14 healthy, 14 healthy whole grain foods. We're not doing 14. We're not doing 14. Oats. Oats. Oats are grain. Whole wheat.

That feels like a category. Whole grain rye. Buckwheat. Oh, buckwheat. Bulgur. Yeah, nice. Millet. Oh, millet. Yeah. category whole grain rye buckwheat oh buckwheat bulgar yeah nice millet oh millet yeah i don't know i don't know like i couldn't pick these out of a lineup most of them whole barley barley barley's great oh yeah spelt yeah uh quinoa quinoa brown rice corn is corn a grain i think that's steered into the number one slot yeah it also lists popcorn see as a separate grain what what site are you on dave a health line oh yeah right healthline.tv whole grain breads so we're including an entire bread

versus a grain of rice. This is the worst list. This isn't the worst list. And pasta. Whole grain. Number 14, whole grain and whole wheat pastas. Yeah. Well, pasta.

I would say orzo. Orzo looks like a little grain of rice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if we're basing it off this list it goes wins the winner's rice rice pasta corn like those are the top three the rest um no yeah rice rules i'm gonna say corn rules because you can use that in so many different things right you get that corn corn syrup? And all of a sudden you're off to the races. Look, the next link on Google was all about grains.

21 types of grains. I'm not going to. I just did 14. What am I going to get into? Eincorn? What am I going to get into? Corazon? Yeah, there you go i just remember in uh the movie seven samurai

uh millet was worse than rice no they ranked them too yeah the seven oh so we're doing a corazon a bit right yeah okay cool in addition over oh wait no way i'm already doing that okay next one hello dave hello graham guest. Your name kind of sounds like Graham. This is Eli from Columbus, Ohio, calling in an overseen. I was on my way home from teaching some drum lessons, and I passed a car with not one but two identical bumper stickers that said, caution, this driver listens to Melissa Etheridge. Well, off I go.

Yeah, that means... You saw my wife's car. Yeah. My wife is a huge Melissa. Is she really? Oh, yes. I don't know. I mean, I know your wife.

I work with her, but I don't know anything about this. Oh, man. In the same way that Graham was infatuated with, what's her name? Shirley Manson. Shirley Manson. No, Tori Allen. Tori Amos. Tori Amos.

No, I did not Tori. Annie DeFranco. Annie DeFranco. Okay, edit that. So I'll say it again. In the same way that Graham was in was uh in love with anita franklin my wife at the same time is like she was into uh like you know kind of uh melissa atheridge like 10 000 maniacs like cowboy junkies era like tracy chapman she was just into that stuff. I mean, on the rock station here in Vancouver of those artists,

I would say only Melissa Etheridge made it to the rock, made it through. Right. Yeah. Sure. Song come to my window. Is that Melissa's? That was one of her.

Okay. One of her hits. I mean, uh, you know, somebody bring me some water. Wait, can't you see I'm burning alive. Are you Chris's dad again? You know, somebody bring me some water. Can't you see I'm burning alive?

Are you Chris's dad again? Baby got my heart. Baby got my mind. But you're not the sweet devil. The sweet devil's got my soul. Dad, stop singing Melissa Etheridge. See, once you learn a little bit about Melissa Etheridge, girls. You'll think this is really cool, what I'm doing.

What do you think the number one Melissa Etheridge song is on Spotify? Come to my window. Come to my window. David Crosby is my baby daddy. She was so big for like five years. Where she was like. Do no wrong. On the radio. and she was in the zeitgeist. Who is she married to again?

I think the woman's name was Julie Cipher, something like that. I thought it was a bit more of a celeb. No, it was Cipher from The Matrix. Okay, number five, Her fifth most popular song. I wanna come over. Oh, yeah. Yes, yes. The hell if you want it.

Consequence. How about the consequence, right? Number four. Bring me some water. Yeah. Number three. Come to my window. What's gonna be above that? good mother and insensitive uh number two

like the way i do i don't know that one tell me does she want you infatuated haunt you like the way i do does no one know melissa like i do no. Well, if Lauren was on here, she would. And number one. Now I'm the only one who walked across the vine for you. Six more. One, two, three, four, five, six, one. Yeah. You love the time signature.

I love the time, yeah. And here's your final phone call. By the way, callers, if you have a 90s singer you're gonna mention in your overheard you're gonna get played hey dave graham and probable guests this is carla from arkansas calling in with an overheard of the kids say the darndest variety this is actually from a few years ago but i actually saved it in my phone because it made me laugh so hard um my son came to me at like nine o'clock in the evening and said he wanted a sandwich i was like it's nine o'clock you and he's like it's a nine o'clock sandwich And he's like, it's a nine o'clock sandwich. Anyway,

I thought that was funny. Like a three alarm chili. Yeah. Make me one of your famous nine o'clock sandwiches. There's nothing there. Honestly, honestly, there's nothing better than a sandwich,

right? That's right. That's the nicely made sandwich at any point during the day breakfast sandwich regular lunch sandwich what'd you have for lunch today um did i have sandwich no i had soup i had a can of soup oh yeah that's second that's second to sandwich right yeah we're ranking lunch i had a burrito which is like a sort of a wrapped up sandwich. Yes. Yeah. How about you, Chris?

What was the... I had sushi. Okay. Which is a real outlier for me. I don't always, I often do a sandwich. Which is Japanese for sandwich. The ultimate food. My daughter did say the other day, we were talking about having a burrito for lunch,

and she was like, you know, the other term for burrito is wrap. I was like, oh, thanks. I learned this at school today. Check this out. I remember when wraps were like all the rage. Yeah, wrap zone, are you kidding me? Yeah, wrap zone, exactly, wrap zone. Pita pit?

Pita pit pita pit yeah or like a uh an office catered lunch would have a bunch of wrap yeah yeah but cut in half right with the toothpick in it so you can see how much cream cheese is uh that is a very specific if you've never been to like some kind of corporate function that's the only time that you'll see those yeah totally half but i get you know what i kind of look forward to them like i'm kind of like oh yeah i'm gonna have that cream cheese wrap i'm on atkins um well that brings us to the end of this episode. Chris, tell us about this new show that's coming out. Right. Check out Dark Air with Terry Carnation.

You can get it wherever you get podcasts. It's very funny. It stars Rainn Wilson. It stars Karen Soni from Deadpool. Very funny guy. It stars... Past guest Al Madrigal is in it. Yes, he's...

Jimmy Pardo. Yvette Nicole Brown from Community. Wow. uh past guest al madrigal is in it yes he's uh jimmy pardo yvette nicole brown from community wow uh the heavy duty cast it's a who's who of of very funny comedians uh so yeah people can check it out right now it's out it's released as we speak whenever this comes out we'll be kind of mid-season cool 15. 15 episodes to hear this season. So, yeah. Cool. That sounds great. Yeah.

Thank you for being our guest. Thank you for having me and bringing me into the fold of Kellys that have. Yes. The great Kellys that have preceded me. Gene Kelly. Gene Kelly. Yeah. Kelly Olenek.

Basketball player. Kelly Ripa. And I should also say this week, I am doing a live through the internet version of quiz show. So that's coming up on Friday and you can find tickets at eventbrite.com That's Friday the 16th? Yeah, Friday the 16th, the spookiest day of the year.

eventbrite.com Yeah, and Dave, anything to plug? Well, my boss wants us to listen to Dark Air with Terry Carnation. So that's my plug. Listen to Dark Air with Terry Carnation.

It sounds great. I'm excited to hear it myself. Thank you everybody out there for listening. Please do take care of yourselves and thems people around you and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting yourself maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported