Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 687 - Jane Stanton

Episode Date: May 17, 2021

Comedian Jane Stanton returns to talk Rod Stewart, Invincible, and Footloose.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 687 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who figured out what Dracula would write an internet diary on. It's Dave Shumka. Why Graham, that's correct. What is it? Oh, I'll let you know it's a blog

before our guests joined today we uh we were talking about when we're on zoom calls that don't really concern us and we can like click around what do you go on i go on a blog a blog blog um our guest today you heard her just seconds ago she's a long time guest of the show always a treat to have her you can hear her on her own podcast called high school sucks it's jane stanton hello high school hello high school sucked ed erectile dysfunction remember that everybody ed that Hello. High school sucked. Hello. High school sucked. ED. ED. Erectile dysfunction. Remember that, everybody. ED. That's why high school sucked for me.

Because of my blasted wiener. Yeah, if I ever hadn't been invented, so you just had to put a popsicle stick on it and an elastic band. Yeah, if I ever hadn't been invented when I was in high school, I know it's mostly aimed at teen boys. I love that I'm usually the one that's dirty, but you guys just went, like, it wasn't even me at all. I like it. So, yeah, they used to advertise in

trying to think what magazine a teen would read. Woodworth's Magazine, the broad section. That would be your porno back then, right? Yeah, the Eaton's Catalog. I just spat all over myself. Woodworth's didn't send a catalog yeah you would with the old school like mom bras so sexy that's what i'm into that's what i've always been in that's what they're named on the in the catalog mom bras

just enough support. And they've got, for some reason, they've got a picture of the brawny man on the label. Should we get to know us? Let's do it. Get to know us. Jane, it has been a while. How are you doing? I'm great.

I have three kids. It's amazing. Right. And their names are? Lulu Hoffman and Nutella. These are human kids that you've had. Triplets, I guess. Yeah. You have two lovely dogs. I have two dogs, yeah. And one ugly dog.

We don't talk about that one. That one's in the closet right now. It's too ugly. It's too ugly to go out. I can't do it. Um, you've been busy recently because you've been a regular on a, on a television show.

Yes. A Disney plus show playing a mom on a mighty ducks game changers with Amy Goodworthy. She's my wife. She plays my wife, which is, it was, uh, we laughed and cried a lot.

Uh, yeah. Oh yeah. It was fun. Uh, and Mark was on it too. He played a dad, which is great.

Chavez. Chavez. Yeah. We don't, I look, I know, I know you and I didn't know. I only did that cause I'm bad with last names.

And I was like, I hope I say this right. Mark Chaves. So you're on a TV show as you play a mom. Did you wear a mom bra? Did they fit you for a mom bra? I can't believe you said that because I am going to send you pictures. I get into the trailer, not on my bra or tits. They would give me mom bras like but i'm like i'm

coming with my own bra that would be like leaving me underwear and by the end the last couple episodes they gave me two or three and i'm like these are the ugliest like mom bras and they'd have like two or three each time i'd walk into the trailer like we want you to wear these all at the same time j Jane, control those ladies. We've noticed you've broken a few of these. I would have. Have you ever played a mom before? Yeah, but not

a wife. Not a wife. Always a single mom. Always single, always lonely, never with anyone. And I got to, it was was more episodes so it was four episodes and i got to learn how to skate i didn't i realized i only it's gone twice in my life and it's scary going as an adult i feel like dave knows how to skate i do not you feel yeah i do i'm okay you're okay rules at it dave's number one at skating. So I played hockey when I was a kid.

Oh. And then I stopped when I was like 12. And then I started again when I was 38. How did that go? Bad. It was bad. It hurt my body so much. Right?

And there was no like tryouts to like. To just kind of figure out what level oh yeah i should not play with you guys you guys are all too good and how long did you last and have never stopped oh i lasted until they stopped like i played uh most of a season and then the pandemic hit oh okay i'm impressed it's like it's it's hard like my first time on the ice i went just where a team would sit just with one leg one leg like big get like that's how bad i was and then back and then the next day was to the both teams and then the third time i got to skate around like i was so bad and i i amy fell so hard in front of me the first time and i got scared and got diarrhea then i had to like i had my skates on i had to go to the washroom because she fell and she's fit and she fell so hard i was like no

that is the human reaction it's always a quick diarrhea a past guest amy good murphy also couldn't skate uh she no she had skated a bit so she had that like she was oh but she was too confident she wiped it well she did it i saw it i wish i hadn't seen it that i was she's also fit and like they had no knee pads or elbow heads for us i guess they spent it all on making the fake ice whatever if we had to use like the plastic ones on our elbows that they put in um if someone's in a hospital for bed sores so that's what we had on my knees and my elbows and then when they were filming they're like oh do you want you want those and i'm like yeah like you're fit i don't want to fall they filmed you skating not when i was learning no um in one of the episodes it's called hockey mumps so how how much like did you do just training with them i trained eight hours

a day but like you you didn't do any like oh my god i'm gonna have to skate for this part i'm i better go practice somewhere they they did it they i bought the part i didn't know it was reoccurring and then when i looked i we did the first episode and you the second they were very hush-hush secret then the second episode was happening i was like oh the next episode is gonna be hockey moms like i was being an idiot and then that's what it was called and i'm like do we have to learn like i'm getting nervous right now like shivers i i'm just getting diarrhea diarrhea um is my normal thing and yeah so i had to do four with guys that played in the nhl so that could have just been it's so frustrating for people.

I know that too, like that I sucked so bad. They're like, okay, you go like this. But then when we were standing there, they're like, Jane,

go back to your mark. I'm like, I can't just go back. I don't know how to go backwards. I'd have to like do a big circle. Yeah, I suck. I sucked.

There was a time they said cut. I like went over to sit on the bench. Cause it's hard. Dave, you'd know this just standing, not skating to stand still is like, that to me was harder to stay still. Yeah.

Um, that's maybe not the most relatable thing for hockey. You know, it's very hard to stay still. Yeah. So got to get skating. I can't put that on my resume because I still suck. Yeah.

I have a friend who said that he could ride a horse and then we went to set and they put him on a horse. Everybody got so mad because they knew right away. A hundred percent. Especially that that's like a skating. You can, you to tell. Yeah, 100%. Especially that. That's like a skating. You can tell, and that's what they were saying. Like, people that skate, David, like, you have longer strokes when you're doing it.

Stop using me as an example. You were a professional, remember, when you played in the NHL? I like a business owned by an ex-NHL player. Because they'll always have a little bit of memorabilia hanging around, you know, if it's a car dealership or a pub. Those are the two. Oh, yeah. And Jim Poplinski's car dealership.

That's right. And you know they're going to have pictures of themselves too, right? It's not just going to be like the teams. It will be them kind of the center stage. Yeah, yeah. The heyday. Those team photos are hilarious. There's like like i remember the ones from calgary there was one where it was all them in a back alley wearing leather jackets oh my god i think every team did that connects to that too

and next did uh in the 90s right did a like a leather jacket year they did a year where they were old west guys they did a year where they were like gangsters like 20s gangsters i feel like that was like pavel bure like yeah in the 90s yes when i knew the team i don't know anyone on the team anymore but yeah that's because you don't know how to skate i don't back then i thought i would be okay to skate because i watched hockey how dumb what i was like watched a lot of hockey i'll be okay you were a soccer person yes 100% and swimming how oh you swam as well yeah till like 16 like winter swimming but that's still like six times a week yeah six times a week yeah were you like on a team or something i was on a team yeah i like went to provincials and stuff did you did your team have a name china oh yeah yeah

okay well did it stand for something it was like a fish this is the type of fish oh okay i don't know if it is i feel like it's not but it had a fish no further questions um the this swim team in my part of the city were called Cascades. That was the big, like, all-encompassing Southeast team. And my parents wanted me to try out, and I really put my foot down. Why? What did you do? I didn't want to do it.

I didn't want to be on a swim team. I'd have to take my clothes off around people several times a week. My mom put me on a swim team too and everyone hated me because i sucked at swimming because like i just can't swim fast or for very long but like i can i know how to swim i'm not gonna drown in a pool but like at a certain point lessons run out and your mom is just like well i'm gonna put them let's just keep putting them in the pool yeah that's exactly what my mom did of like what can i do to get rid of these kids because i'm the youngest

of four for uh like two hours and then once we finish some lessons like go swim just oh yeah like now that you're done lessons just yeah do like get in there my uh roommate in university was from Nanaimo, and I don't know what it stood for, but the Nanaimo district swimming, the short form of it was N-A-D-S, and it was NADS. You're killing me, because we swim against them. And so they would always be like, now uh i love it um what was what was your specialty jane swimming uh the i am what which is fly butterfly yeah and then you go no no then you go backstroke for like it can be 400 or 200 you uh you do butterfly butterfly backstroke breaststroke it's all the strokes oh it's all the strokes okay i would it's just the only i sucked at breaststroke i was i don't know yeah i suck his back backwards or on your back or

whatever i couldn't do i tried to learn backwards i think they tried to teach us um butterfly that's impossible that's a hard one like that can't be like that's walking and chewing gum yeah but the fly is crazy isn't that the one where you have to like jump out of the water yeah your body is just like you keep your feet together and like turn it into a wave while you but don't keep doing what you're doing while you flap your arm yeah yeah it's that's the. Yeah. That's the hardest. I say that's the hardest of the strokes. I think I probably stayed with it. Like, I was good.

Not as good as my sister. Like, she was, like, nationals, like, top two in Canada, all of that. I think I did it because I was a little pervert. And, like, dudes were in Speedos. So, I'd be like, mm-hmm. Yes. Jane, stop crashing into the wall, Jane. I'd just be wearing scuba dive

equipment underwater and you were also like on a proper soccer team as well yes a proper team yes with people on the team not just a back alley you guys this is where we're playing in this alley

we're good to go we're playing for pinks we're playing for dinner this is gonna be good this basketball will work um yes i played i played uh like metro would be the top when you're younger and then uh college and stuff won nationals blah blah blah and then, won nationals, blah, blah, blah. And then coach. You won nationals? Yes. That was great. Yes. What? You won a national championship at soccer?

Yes. I love how you're saying that. Yes. In 96. I can go get my ring. In university? Yes. UBC?

Not UBC. No. Where'd you go? Capilano. Cap College. It's university now though dave but not then didn't matter we still played ubc and we still beat them we would do uh games to warm up for like pre-season nice did you ever have a crazy coach yeah in what way do you mean crazy like the ones you think that are like uh they're like

yeah or like that kind of or just nuts because there was i feel like that was a big thing with uh teen sports is there would always be one insane coach oh my god yeah there was a coach i mean the coach we had with cap was amazing he was the most lovely man ever doug he was great um the guy's coach when they won was European, and they won the same year we won, but he wouldn't let them have water breaks. He was 1970s old school, and they'd be finished training. He's like, you have to carry,

and they had to carry the other player around the field. To see that, I'd be like, oh, God, thank God we have our coach. But they won. They won nationalsals but then there was coaches that would be like what the fuck are you doing you suck to like their own players my brothers played hockey and one of their coaches had to be ejected from a game and uh and then he had to step down as coach but he really swore at a teenager uh which dave used to do he used to be a teenage ref oh i, I was only a hockey ref for one year, and I never swore at anyone.

No, the coach would come and swear at you. Oh, yeah, no, except I only, like, I did it when I was 13, and I think they only let me ref, like, for a five-year-old. So no one yelled at anyone. But it's weird when the parents get involved in that way. I always find that super weird when they are like spazzing at like, if it was Dave reffing when he's 13, like you're also spazzing at like a child.

Yeah. Like, you know, like your child in. Yeah. Yeah. I saw, I remember seeing a pair of dads getting a fistfight in the like atrium of a

hockey arena. Was it the fist fight in the atrium of a hockey arena? Was it the funniest thing in the world? It was very sad. It was very sad because their kids were seeing this. Oh, okay. I thought they were playing. Okay, yeah, that's horrible. Two different teams? Two? Yeah, yeah. Dads just having

a slugfest. And you know what? You never want to see your dad in a fight. Especially if he's bad. Yeah what? You never want to see your dad in a fight. Especially if he's bad. Yeah, you don't want to see your dad lose either, but then you also don't want to see your dad kick the shit out of someone. Yeah, kids are always like,

my dad could beat up your dad, but I don't want it to happen. Yeah. I love that that one coach wouldn't let the team take water breaks like would they were the guys all just get cramps it was in the summer too like pre-season and when you say that it wasn't we were at cap it wasn't like we were kids we were over 18 is the worst part and they wouldn't like even try to sneak it. Like water. Yeah. Once one of them passed out.

And then somebody had to carry him around the field? No, they just fucking threw water in his face. So exactly what he wanted. And then they're like, meh. Like, get out. There's Odell Beckham Jr., a football player. OBJ. OBJ?

He famously says he doesn't like water and he keeps getting cramps but it's just like uh i i can't remember exactly what went into it but it was like he just keeps not drinking water he would rather you know have a cup of coffee. Drink soda. Yeah. There was a swim coach that used to chuck at meets. So this is what he's doing in front of everyone. So I don't know what he did when it was just practice. Like if just warm up, chuck kickboards at swimmers. Meaning they have no clue it's coming either.

It's not like you're on the field. You're swimming, your head's down and someone's chucking a board at you and what is that supposed to impart to the person that was him being like you go faster like he would then yell at them oh but you were in the water so you couldn't hear so he could have just waited till they went to the side and they were done whatever they're doing go faster go faster like in competitive swimming like they know. Yeah, like he's got a chalkboard in the dressing room. So I've been keeping, I got this stopwatch and I timed you and you should do it in less seconds. Yeah, because the other team is doing it in way less seconds. Yeah, yeah. So if you feel a kickboard hitting you in the back of the head, that means go faster.

That would be the worst, though. That's something you're not expecting in the water. Like soccer, a ball may be hitting your head for sure. But like, does that say it when you're swimming? And you maybe expect a soccer ball to hit your head at like a Rod Stewart concert. I wish. Didn't he kick soccer balls into the crowd? Wasn't that his thing?

Yeah, he had the best of both worlds. I thought he wore soccer jersey sometimes too, back in the day. He was a professional soccer player. Was he? Was he? I don't know about professional,

but he certainly enjoyed the game. What's he up to? Getting his hair done. Yeah, it's, yeah, he's's just he's always been an anomaly to me like i like his voice but i think i've said on the show before i can't see him without thinking of uh suburban housewives really yeah yeah we did a um thing uh with melissa athridge a few weeks ago with chris kelly as a guest where we tried to guess what her top song was on spotify what would you think rod stewart's would be come to my window

no that's melissa athridge again um rod stewart if do you think i'm sexy yeah i think it might be i had that but there's another one too um maggie may maggie could it be maggie may that's a good color forever young oh forever young i'm taking that one forever young okay okay i'm taking maggie may or wild card the one you did with brian out of this thing oh that's a good one have you ever loved loved a woman? Is that the one? No, it was all for one. All for one from Musketeers. It was. Number one. Let's count down the top five.

We've got time. Number five, sailing. Don't know it. Number four, I don't want to talk about it. Don't know it. I don't want to talk about it that I don't know it. Number three, all for love. Oh, wow. Number three. Number three, all for love. Oh, wow.

Number three. Number two, do you think I'm sexy? Oh, really? Holy shit. And number one, maggoty may. We the fuck is forever young. Maybe I just suggested that to throw you off my scent. I thought I was so excited.

I thought we got three two and one no we love rod here on stop podcasting yourself we're yeah we're rod forward yeah we stan ahmad king and vancouver famously has a a rod stewart impersonator that has a like his car is all done up he's i don't know this what are you talking about he uh he used to park his car like uh near kingsway and i would walk past it all the time and he was called like really rod or nearly neil yeah yeah and he had uh like a big decal or decal on the back of his van that that had his number and and a silhouette of rod stewart so who are vancouver's uh most famous uh like local citizens

that you might walk past there's roller girl roller girl um there's the lady with the duck yeah the duck lady there's the guy who was that car the crate like that has like wood everything on it you know what i'm talking about yeah yeah yeah like one of those art cars you he's gonna drive it into the ocean and like it's like a boat but it's not there's a guy who used i don't know if he's still around but he had a bike with a sidecar and the sidecar the dog was wearing a dog yeah australian shepherd with um like the fake mask and the fake cigar. Oh, I thought it was a Boston Terrier. No, it was a little, yeah, Boston Terrier.

Oh, there's a guy with an Australian Mad Max dog. Cool. And there's Joey Shithead Keithley. Yeah. Joe Forte. And yeah, Joe Forte taught everyone how to swim. And did you know the story of Joe Forte? Yeah.

Do you not know who Joe Forte is, Jane? I do, but what do you mean? Well, there's a restaurant down there called Joe Forte's. It's named after this famous local citizen who was a lifeguard who taught Vancouver how to swim. Yeah. Vancouver full of shit. In the 20s. No, it's true.

It is a true thing and he he the funny thing is like a swimmer now would have abs and be all shredded but the swimmer back then just has like a barrel chest yeah he's like a strong man from the circus in the 20s yeah well yeah that's when they would shoot cannons into their stomach and think that wouldn't kill them and they're like i got a good stuff And then he'd be like, okay, everyone, drain water. And then they die. Yeah. He threw rocks at them because he didn't have a

swimming pool. They didn't have kickboards yet. So Jane, your podcast called High School Sucked. Tell us about it. What about it? It's, uh... What is it? I was just trying to look at my phone about joe fortes well we're not lying yeah do you think we made up joe fortes i know the name i thought it was

an actual person that named the restaurant like after themselves yeah like i did as well until i went there once for dinner and they have a little placemat that tells you about it oh okay fine did did the staff all go around to bathing suits because that would be a fun that would have been proper have you either of you been to joe forte's no where is it it's the fish restaurant right it's downtown it's on robson and alberni no robson alberni and robson are parallel It's around there. Listeners out there, if you know the corners, the streets, send us a message. And it's always been like a real asshole restaurant. It's upstairs?

They have an upstairs and a downstairs. But if you're an asshole, you love this place. I know what it is. But in between the upstairs and the downstairs, there's a piano player. That's cool. And that's Joe Forte wearing a speedo. He's dead. He's like the bears from Disneyland.

He's singing songs from the sea. A lot of sea shanties. And I don't know what the best swimming song is. Oh, boy. Is that on Spotify? Top swimming song? You boy is that on spotify top swimming song you can have that they have the waterproof little earbuds now oh yeah that would i bet you would have killed for that back yeah uh okay yeah let's see of course there's uh night swimming by rem yep under the sea by sebastian the crab part of your world by ariel Yep. Under the Sea by Sebastian the Crab.

Part of Your World by Ariel. Poor Unfortunate Souls by Ursula. Coming in at number one, Splash the movie. Yeah. Oh, my God. Do you remember Splash? Did you ever see that movie? Yeah.

It must have taken on a whole new meaning for you as a swimmer thank you graham you were gonna tell us what your podcast is okay fine sure um it's me and darcy michael uh we we just talked about high school like how it there was good parts and it sucked oh so high school ruled good yeah it did rule um sucked and then what i found doing same as you guys when you well you've done so many now of just talking to people about teachers is a big one like a little snippet of like teachers that were that you remember that helped you you know what i mean that changed you like or supported you yeah um that were good you remember that helped you, you know what I mean? That changed you like, or supported you.

Yeah. Um, that were good fucking teachers because there's so many shitty ones. What was your, uh, go to wonderful teacher, Mrs. Vernon.

When I went to Seacoast, she smoked cigarettes when you're still, you weren't supposed to, but she just did. And she would just be like, I'd come in and I'd be like, Oh, I'm,

I'm going to go. go she's like you need to go you're a redhead you got a not good immune system she knew i had celiac and would just let me leave um not meaning that's probably the best but she also let me do my work at home whatever she was good nice your favorite teacher was the one who let you just leave yeah you really helped me i had a teacher electric electrocute me in science class literally electrocute me a different teacher yeah and he was like did it because i was late and he's like come up here i was like no and i had to hold the positive and the negative and he turned it everyone was laughing and then it got to a point where i was like ha ha ha ha then i'm like screaming and i was like you should stop i'm like stop and he kept doing it and doing it got to a point where i was like ha ha ha ha ha then i'm like screaming

and i was like you should stop i'm like stop and he kept doing it and doing it and i was like but you've never been late a day in your life since ever he had a nervous breakdown and he left we were uh i was just thinking about nervous breakdowns uh and teachers i remember in grade 10 i think it was social studies which was in french and we had a teacher uh we our first teacher like had to leave and go take care of her mom in like october and then we so like she was quickly replaced by this other guy who was just like i'm i'm teaching all these other classes i didn't expect to be teaching social studies so he was then replaced by this woman who was like thought she was hot shit she was like i'm not afraid of you kids i would be she was like because we had

gone through two teachers already but not it wasn't our fault right uh but the third so she came in and she was like i and she like on the first day compared herself to michelle pfeiffer from dangerous minds yes yes you're not setting up yourself for success with that and she was like i taught in the inner cities of inner city of montreal so like, I'm not afraid of you. West side, Vancouver kids. And we were like, okay,

fine. But we're still just going to like make fart noises whenever you turn around. And she had a nervous breakdown. She did. Oh my God. So don't come in hot. Don't come in cocky as a teacher.

You're not going to scare me. You're not. And you're like, I think that's probably, it is the worst thing you could do. Cause then kids are like, well, let's see how far we can take this.

Yeah. I was thinking about that because I saw the video for gangster's paradise by Coolio and Michelle Pfeiffer is in it. Not just in clips. Like she sits in a chair while Coolio. And Michelle Pfeiffer is in it, not just in clips. She sits in a chair while Coolio raps at her and then she knocks her chair over. She's sitting in it backwards, of course.

Can you imagine being a PA on that set and just being told, okay, go get Michelle Pfeiffer and Coolio. We've got the set all blocked. And the guy singing the chorus, we need to make him look sweatier please spray him down oh man yeah the only uh teacher we had that had that same kind of mental breakdown was uh was a french teacher and uh she just walked out in the middle of class

and nobody knew whatever happened to her she just vanished were you guys being dicks though yes yes absolutely of course we were being the worst that you know it's a we drove her to it and that was that was unfair of us now that i look back i don't i don't like that i was part of that situation but what were you guys doing just like yelling at her well you weren't yelling at her but you know so you're heckling her i guess yeah heckling and just general is that like i think that what you just said there's certain teachers you wouldn't even remotely do that but there is ones that you would because you're like you sense the weakness but yours came in hot dave yeah i don't know like i don't i personally don't feel like i was a monster but there were there was a group of you know rugby playing monsters yeah they always hung out at joe fortes and then uh go to school got raw oysters and then they would

just do it do you like an oyster jane i don't know the small ones maybe if i've been drinking but it's just it is it's a weird thing when you think about it like just do it like a shot so i'm not tasting this they'd be like cutting steak and swallow it don't chew it nothing whatever you do just swallow it so i'm like a cartoon yeah i'm paying top dollar for me to just like cop i know it's that's what i was thinking about oysters the other day I don't love oysters but I've you know I can't go to restaurants or anything I was like I haven't had them in so long I'm gonna like some oysters

also before I mention teenage I still have teenage erectile dysfunction so you hope the oysters and you can't have them right Graham no and I'm fine with that i feel like that's the one they're weird they're very weird yeah have you ever had them like at home dave because i've

never done that i'm too i don't want to cut my hand because you have to get in there and it's one in 50 or more that are bad i'm like why am i even eating well who who recognizes that like is it an owl? I only said that because he said, who's, okay. Uh, who says who in the animal world? Um, is it something like one in 50 that are served to people or one in 50 that like come through the restaurant and people are like the guy shucking them would be like, oh yeah, this, we can't serve this. They can't tell. That's the whole point people are like the guy shucking them would be like oh yeah this we can't serve this they can't tell that's the whole point that's the thing that sucks

like and then anyone i know that's gotten sick from it it's like a two day plus like sick sick not sick six six sick yeah so if i order 50 oysters i definitely am getting it maybe order 51 and then 100 you gotta beat the odds somehow yeah tell me what your math teacher um well i did really well dave are you drinking milk because it looks like you're drinking milk and i know it's my frosty glass okay thank god like they're just drinking a giant mug of milk a podcast milk um when's the last time you had giant mug of milk. Of podcast milk. When's the last time you had a glass of milk? Like proper milk? Yeah, proper milk. What do you mean proper milk?

Well, because there's oats. There's oats. Yeah, I mean right from the cow. Jane mimed some udders in her face. I did. Just tits. Yeah, so that was only just a couple months ago where I was milking two cows

spraying milk on my face you're lucky graham uh what was the last you can't have it can you jane well i can but then there's gonna be uh some time out um no i don't i do macadamia nut or macadamia nut milk i've heardia nut milk. I've heard of that. Costco way cheaper too. Um, yeah. What about you, Dave?

Um, yeah, probably recently. Uh, you really like you just drink milk, like a cup of milk. I would. Yeah. Hmm.

I can't remember the last time, but it's not, uh, unusual to quote Tom Jones. Yeah, I wouldn't on a daily basis or anything, but if I had some nice cookies, I might indulge. Do you know the last time I had a cup of milk was this is years ago and but you added quick to it and there's wheat in it when i did the podcast probably early episode before 10 and you made i was like oh so excited and then there was a time out yeah i made milkshakes but that's the

last time i would have like honest well of course had milk oh yeah no like i i put regular milk in my coffee every day i drink smoothies with milk and uh um but yeah as far as like i you know frosty glass of milk it's been it's been yeah a couple weeks do you do you guys when you were growing up did you have milk at the dinner table yes every night did you have another plastic bag in the like it's so weird they didn't have the plastic bags in alberta we only had cartons yeah we would get them delivered but they they still have them out in ontario i think yeah bags yeah yeah we'd have milk at the dinner table gross we would get two milks one lemonade and then for dessert we'd have to go around the corner

um do you know graham no i'm all in on oat milk could you could you drink milk yeah in theory yeah i just kind of like there was no point in doing it all the time because i was like we go through so much of it. Oh yeah. I mean, because kids, they love, they love milk.

Abby made the mistake of, we, we have this ice coffee, uh, in our fridge. And, uh, she,

she was, I had some with, um, uh, with oat milk and she let Poppy have a sip of it. And Poppy loved it. It's like a little bit sweet, a little bit creamy. It was. So now we have a sip of it and poppy loved it it's like a little bit sweet a little bit creamy yeah it was so now we have a four-year-old who just wants you know frappuccinos cold brew

um yeah it's i just was watching a movie from the 80s and all the kids at the like i completely forgot that that was a thing having milk at dinner huge thing yeah yeah like and it's great it is like a superfood is it really it's like protein i don't know if it's protein but it's so many vitamins and it's like a meal and you're it's like a whole meal in a cup yeah Yeah. It's the worst thing in the world. We're the only animal that continues to drink milk. Yeah, but we're the only animal that does anything. Every other animal has kind of like not achieved anything. So that's why we're going to kill you.

We're the only animal that's been to the moon, dude. Never talk that way ever again. Dude. never talk that way ever again dude uh have you as either of you ever uh milked an animal a goat i think i yeah maybe i like it one of those kind of maplewood farm demonstration farm yeah i went to one trip farms but my hands weren't strong enough i just remember how warm it was it was like i i for some reason i thought milk might come out kind of cool but man it was warm it was warm and it had grass in it that was the other thing that flies everywhere but that's how they used to do milk they used to be a guy sitting on a small stool

that's how they used to do milk wasn't that like in the 1930s or something it wasn't like someone doesn't sit on a stool well someone did like they're still you can still get it like that yeah but they get it from a dude dude so if like they sell organic milk uh which is like three times the price of maybe two two times the price of regular milk and that is um uh like is that harvested the same way just like a machine well i don't know what organic milk is like i just know it's more expensive do the cows eat grass and get to roam free yeah maybe it's all the same i don't feel like they get to at all i have not looked into it i've just i haven't either i feel like how are you gonna get them you gotta you gotta keep them there keep them on the drugs so they're

still producing the oh yeah the hormones yeah but yeah they like farmers must have went apeshit when they first introduced that milking machine because they probably were like well that's now i have an extra hour to my day that i don't have to worry about getting out there yeah this carpal tunnel and also at nighttime some for daddy and they have these giant hands to do what with now to do what because they were milking them well i know one guy used to keep his hand in a glove that had vaseline in it and he would that was the hand he used to touch his wife and the cows on her um the uh organic dairy cows are fed organic feed have stricter, pretending to outdoor grazing access and the milk they produce while taking

antibiotics is kept out of the milk supply for a longer time period. Hmm. Gross. It's all gross. And the more you think about anything like yogurt or milk, the more gross it becomes. I don't want to think about yogurt. Why is there sometimes an H in it?

Did you guys have dessert after dinner? Was that a dessert household? No, not at all. Not at all? I was the youngest of four. My mom would be like, dinner. That's it. That's it.

She never made dessert. What about snacks? I would eat a pizza at my friend's house, for sure. What about chips and stuff? Oh, yeah. Not at my friend's house for sure what about like chips and stuff oh yeah not in my house no like we didn't have pop the thing my dad got delivered was dairyland raspberry red cocktail and it was delicious and we would drink it and then we would water it down so my dad wouldn't know because it's just was it like raspberry juice yeah but it was like the only equal is ikea has a juice that's

like a it's the exact same and when i had it yes it hit my lips and i was like oh um but my dad never knew i told him recently i'm like you know that we watered that down by that it was just me it wasn't my sibling yeah that's a that's a really good teen was you were your teen or your kid filling up the water probably a kid i was horrible i lied everything oh yeah and i know you were yeah we we know all about you and how your parents had to take the door off your door your bedroom they did that with my nephew my sister did that with her nephew and i'm like it didn't work with me i don't know why you're repeating something that didn't work i love the thought behind it like all we need is to be able to see what she's up to it wasn't the thought they read a book it was take the blinds off and

take the door off and then my dad was like the next morning like good morning i'm like good morning and i went back to bed yeah good morning give me some of that juice yeah i i uh abby and i read the same parenting book but we read i did the audio book and she got the real book and i think they were different editions because the one i was reading it was like optional to hit your kid what when was this book from it's it's how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk and it's uh the it would be like so in this situation you might just smack your kid if i if that was an option but don't yeah but don't but it was like don't it was like wink it was like outright like you know but they brought it up, like, it was written in the late 70s, but they brought it up as like, you know, here's what not to do.

Whereas now I feel like it's not even in the galaxy of how to parent. But it's also like sending you kind of a winking message. Like, of course, you wouldn't spank your kids, but. No one will. Obviously, no court would convict you. Did you guys ever get spanked? Yeah. No.

Yes. Okay. You did? Wooden spoon. Oh, wooden spoon. Yeah. Well, of course you did. You were a bad kid.

Your parents had to take the door off. Did your parents, like, did they make you go see a counselor or priest or something like i went to a counselor yes um but that was probably younger to be diagnosed with you have to do that for dyslexia and stuff like that so and celiac yeah no that's a not good test anyways yeah counselor yeah and it didn't help at all it just they tried to ground me and i just would go out like i'd be grounded and i'd jump off the balcony and i'd go out. That's like how a dog would do it. Just like jump off the balcony.

Yeah. And then I'd be grounded. I was grounded every weekend in grade 10. Every weekend. Where did you go? Where were you? I'd go meet my friends. And then I,

if I snuck out, this is the, I don't know if you guys ever snuck out. I would sneak out, but because there wasn't as many cars or anything like that, if a car drove by, I'd be like, and I'd jump in the bushes. Cause I be like it's my parents um but i'd still do it but i'd be like they know i wonder if kids are sneaking out now like because they can't see their friends at all yeah that's true where are they sneaking out to i don't know but i saw a group of teens night, and I only think this is germane to this conversation,

because they were drinking chocolate milk. All of them were drinking chocolate milk or club soda, which I feel like is a dangerous game to be playing, milk and soda. Oh, yeah. Right? Russian roulette. But I feel like when you're a kid, nothing can hurt your stomach. That's true.

Yeah. You could eat like... I i'm gonna disagree with you i drank wild strawberry all the time it's not on the market dave try to google it you won't find anything it was like pepto bismo but tasted like jagger but it wasn't like a is it boozy it's it no it's an anti uh no upset stomach okay diarrhea like when i say like pepto-bismol uh it's like dark looking like yager it was in a glass container with a yellow lid and then yellow and a strawberry on it and i would just be in order to in order to stop my stomach aches yeah um what uh i recently i've always had kind of an iron stomach and then uh recently i um you know everything's changing during the pandemic but

i had to have some pepto-bismol the other day i found it delicious i always thought it looked so gross but it's like drinking uh like gum yeah oh you drank it what do you do well no i rubbed it on my nipples i usually use it as a face mask i meant i usually have the pills because it's so chalky oh no it was good i like it it's it's delicious it's laughs yeah it's good benalin's good uh halls are good yeah you know some chewable vitamins are pretty awesome oh fuck yeah well those are great the ones that are like gummies yes i'm down the vitamin c packets that you uh mix with water those are delicious these are the most delicious uh pharmaceuticals that you can buy yeah um but i love that what was i just love the fact that they took the door off the hinges and it's still like that to this day is it not well i don't know

they don't live there anymore no i just go in the house and check i don't live there anymore but i assume i just look at my bedroom and i have no door my dad came like removed it i'm like oh no um i it went back on it was like maybe six months three months i don't even know it was a while yeah uh yeah my sister did it for a day and she's like that was a lot of work i'm like yeah mom and dad didn't do it for a day they She's like, that was a lot of work. I'm like, yeah, mom and dad didn't do it for a day. They did it for months. Wow. So they did it with your sister as well? No, my sister did it for my nephew.

And I'm like, it didn't work for me. So I don't know why you're repeating something that didn't work at all. How old is he? It's when he was like 16. He's now 20 I think. Still doesn't have his door back. At all. Maybe putting

two doors up is the, just do reverse psychology. Now you have too many doors. What are you going to do back there? The band Three Doors Down got their name because all three of them had their doors done. I guess it could have been called Three Doors Dead. Well, Dave,

what's going on with you man oh you know just you know rocking rocking you're just being a rocker yeah i'm rocking around being cool and rocking around uh skateboarding would you if you could go on a skateboard at a skate park if you like could do one trick or something like yeah if i knew how to do it i would love it i know you never know how to do it i never knew nothing about no nothing no i was a nice skater not a i tried but it was just like i would always my balance would be off and i would if your balance is off a little bit your feet go up under you and the skateboard can like smash a car that's true um i did not have that stick-to-itiveness to get over that first hurdle of skateboarding yeah i got over the first hurdle but certainly not the second where you're landing but i know

people like you know 40 somethings who now are like oh well i'm up at seven in the morning anyway i'm gonna go to the skate park when no one's there they're starting to learn no no people who like took a 20 year break oh okay i did skateboard but that was too long ago that was grade five six and seven and i i'd break my arm now 100 sure um i feel like scooters are more of a thing now. Oh yeah. Yeah. Scooters and electrical bicycles.

Oh yeah. Of course. An electric unicycle. Yeah. The coolest, the coolest of the three. I think double dagger bikes are way more of a thing now than they were when I was a teenager. What's going on with me?

Um, so I am, uh, teenager what's going on with me um so i am i started watching a show that i uh is like the least likely thing for me to watch because normally i like shows about margin calls and baseball oh what i by uh about like my i used to joke that my favorite shows are about people sitting quietly like the crown and the queen's gambit but i just started watching this show uh that's about a superhero okay it's called invincible it's a show yeah i've heard about it it's a show it's on amazon prime okay and it's very it's it's animated oh okay and it looks a lot

like the like early 90s x-men cartoon oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that kind of thing except it's like bloody cool like people like die gory deaths in it is it uh like is it meant for kids or it's meant for adults no it's meant for grown-ups it's by uh the guy robert kirkman who did the walking dead which i didn't like so why am i watching this but i like it you like it okay i had a couple people say that they really like the show yeah it's um not the i don't like i don't like superhero things i don't like cartoons but you like okay i'm in the exact same boat as you i all of those things i don't when superhero things. I don't like cartoons. But you like, okay, I'm in the exact same boat as you. All of those things I don't.

When people are like, you should watch it as a cartoon. I'm like, I'm an adult. Why would I watch a cartoon? You guys, it's an art form, you guys. No, of course it is. But something in my lizard brain is like, well, this was for, I watched this when I was a baby why would i keep watching yeah but like how many is it just one season or is it eight episodes yeah and it's like uh

it's very crazy you would love it yeah yeah i'll get into that why not i watched bright burn last night which was also that it was uh if superman if his origin story he turned bad that's what was the like a kid with superpowers adopted by parents in kansas but he goes bad instead of good i love that you both watched superhero there is nothing else on yeah exactly the only kind of shows they make anymore you're totally right yeah because when you're like even last night i watched that bright burn but all i want is a movie that's an hour and a half if they if netflix just put all the hour and a half movies in a in a category i would watch every single one of them if you're over two hours get out of here yeah i i can't i can't i can watch a thing if it's on and i'm like doing

stuff but uh last week i've been wanting to watch uh barb and star go to vista del mar oh yeah don't bother i've been watching it i've been wanting to watch it for a while and i uh i was like okay abby Abby, tonight's the night. Let's do it. And the fact that I was in bed, we started it at 9 o'clock. I was like, 45 minutes in. I was like, I will not make it. I was so disappointed in that movie.

Oh, I liked it. I was so excited for it. And then I was like, meh. Hmm. Hmm. I don't know. You heard it from Jane. I probably won't. I'm going to watch was so excited for it. And then I was like, Hmm. Hmm. I don't know. You heard it from James. I probably won't.

I'm going to watch this invincible show. That's what I'm going to watch. Watch them both. For sure. Um, yeah. And oh yeah. Also last night,

I, my family all watched footloose together. Like, like, how do you do that? Just start. What do you mean? Also,

we were talking about me. Oh yeah, that's right. Uh, so you watch this TV show? Also. No, it's fine. It's fine. Like, you can tell I got nothing to talk about.

Man, I have even less to talk about. So have you finished the series? No. No. It'll take me six months to watch eight episodes why because i don't i i never i don't watch any shows anymore i just put the kids to bed and then like putter yeah okay it's you sound like you're 67 i'm 67 years old putter put her around. Yeah. And I drink milk. I drink a big glass of milk. I put Pepto-Bismol on my nipples.

I mix the milk with the Pepto-Bismol. So, yeah, that's, it's a good, it's, it's fun. It was, it's oddly nostalgic for me because it looks like old cartoons. Does the fact that you have two kids does that just is it the baseline is that you just don't get to watch a movie anymore like because there's just no there's no time in the sketch um i can watch a movie myself but for abby and me to both watch a movie it's it's you know you kind of just have to start the movie when the last person has finished putting a kid to bed and it's if you're watching the movie in bed that's the i'm

gonna make it yeah yeah um yeah i had to like put a no to me watching stuff on my laptop because i just put it on my chest and then i'd stay up and then well if it was a show then i'm like next episode next yeah no I know and like the pandemic I'm it's I feel like it has created this huge chasm of consumption of media consumption between

single people and parents yeah the 100% yeah I can see so yeah you just watch movies alone so you can pick whatever you want that's fantastic

yeah I mean I could but I'd never do like we are PVR is just full of things like 65% want to watch

oh yeah which if I had all the time in the world I'd be like oh yeah I'll watch this but and like I used to have a joke

about Netflix should have a function where it just picks a movie for you and now they have that they do that yeah uh which is uh that stale dates that joke that joke's out of the old repertoire does have you used that function i did and it played coming to america and i was like immediately no i don't want to watch yeah like who would be like so it doesn't know you at all no it doesn't know me at all but it's also just like i uh that function i know how i i part of it is i want to spend 45 minutes figuring out what to

what looking through the movies and being like no i think i'll just watch something that's 20 minutes long go listen to a podcast yeah yeah i'm so glad i'm not the only one that does that i spend so much time and then when i go back to netflix they're like this is what you were watching i'm like no i hated all of those shows yeah i tried it and then i was like oh god this is horrible that's what spotify is for me they spotify doesn't seem like it's learned what i like at all it's it plays what i think they think i like but oh okay uh but it's like a bunch of weird songs from the 70s which i'm not complaining about they're like rod stewart yeah everybody but rod stewart listen to some jim croce this morning oh yeah you know uh counting crows counting crows my favorite 70s fan

so yeah I watched a show what's up with you I understand you watched Footloose with your fans I did and it was fun we were texting back and forth you've done that before in the pandemic we did it for

Dirty Dancing so these are both dancing based films and i forgot how awesome footloose is and it has the best soundtrack it's awesome you've seen it right jane yeah but i haven't seen it in years but to me dirty dancing when i saw it again really didn't hold up like for me i was like oh like it is very weird like she just grabbed like the age thing is weird like yeah a lot of stuff that you're like oh this is weird yeah i think watching it as an adult i was like i didn't know how much of this story hinged on an abortion and that's right i don't think you notice it as a kid age too like he's's in his 30s and she's just fresh out of high school.

But that's what teenagers look like. She loves hanging out in the corner, right? I forget. Yeah, she loves it. She brings a watermelon to a party.

Yeah. So they remade these movies as well. Dirty Dancing? No, they didn't. They remade Dirty Dancing. They did Havana Nights after it,

but they have not redone Dirty Dancing. They have redone Dirty Dancing. Well, you guys are in after it, but they have not redone Dirty Dancing. They have redone Dirty Dancing. Well, you guys are in a real standoff. What the fuck are you talking about? Are you being serious? The Abigail Breslin was Little Miss Sunshine. She played Baby.

You're serious? Yes. When? I was going to make you guess. Oh, okay. I'll do it. How long ago? I thought the Dirty...

I would have guessed the Dirty Dance or the... I would have guessed the Footloose remake was like five years ago. What's her name? Christina Hoff? Is that her name? Julianne Hoff. Julianne Hoff. So which one is older?

They remade Footloose 10 years ago. Really? That seems like not. Not possible, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And did it bomb? Yeah, I guess. I don't know.

I don't have that information in front of me. They remade Dirty Dancing in 2017. And who was the Swayze? Was it still Patrick Swayze? You know it was Colt Pratt. Who's that? I don't know. I love that we're in this phase where everybody has to have the most Looney Tunes name.

It was kicked off by Armie Hammer and we've never looked back. Oh, yeah. I remember from Glee, there was a guy named Cordover Street. What? Yes. The Colt name. That's such an American name to me. Colt?

Well, I got bad news for you. He's South African. Oh, damn it. He's probably American. I don't know. It had Sarah Hyland in Dirty Dancing from uh modern family oh yeah yeah and uh i want to go i'm gonna watch this afterwards thank you dave had nicole scherzinger from the pussycat dolls wow no okay well then it's come she was the older lady gets the abortion i guess so i don't really

know the story of that movie it's the graham's right it's just about dancing in an abortion yeah and uh you know it's not going to be any good without uh what's his name the guy from will on order who's the dad yeah that was played by bruce greenwood and the mom was deborah messing wow hot cast yeah it's good it's jennifer gray was good like jennifer gray was good i never really i i know the famous bits of it but i never really saw it did you guys ever get into dave i have a show for you maybe you've already seen it red oaks oh with um jennifer gray's in it yeah and past guest ennis esmer oh yeah okay have. Okay. Have you guys watched it? No. It's fucking funny.

It's a great one. I don't even want to watch something funny. I'm funny enough on my own. I want to see something scary. Yeah. Every day I wake up, I start laughing. Yeah, exactly. I laugh myself awake. You just did.

You just, ah! I got Joker disease. I dance on some stairs. kill robert de niro and uh you just start doing stand-up all the time yeah all the time dave did you see joker jane i did yeah joker jane yeah i did did you guys like it loved it no it was uh fine it was if you had never seen taxi driver you'd be like, this is a cool original thing. Totally. It is very much that.

Yes. Yeah. Um, yeah. Cause that is what, uh, people are like, Oh,

movies never been done like that before. I'm like, totally has. Yeah. Many times over. What, um, in,

uh, in your, uh, uh, group watching with your family what were people texting to each other just snide remarks as the film went on

and also like oh this person's in this every time a new person appeared John Lithgow's in it and Wiest is in it oh we got Wiesty and then you know the rest Bacon, Kevin Bacon. I couldn't tell you anyone else.

Some Woman. Bacon. And Chris Penn. And Sarah Jessica Parker. Good soundtrack. Mm-hmm. Hot soundtrack. So we watched that last night. And this week, have you guys heard this term, the Gen Z term, Yuji?

Is that? Is that what you're pronouncing? Is it you pronounced huge i don't know i thought it was hugie but then i know that it's g i know that i thought it was g too but we had a little uh abby and i had a big fight about it and she slammed the door and i had to take the door off the hinges as you do dave she was like this very usually of you do you know what this word jane no i have no clue what you guys h-e-u-g-y is that right yeah what is it it's it's h-e-u-g-y hugie and it means hugie it means um like it's beyond basic yeah exactly yeah it's something you do not want to be in the eyes of jen zed as we so it's like having a uh you know live laugh love wine o'clock it's it's uh well they said parting your hair on

the side that's out only down the middle is cool well that was a thing of before a hugely oh okay so what's oh i know a post usually thing is uh drinking hot coffee that's out that's off the table okay i'm confused now so it's just anything that we like yes like hard no yeah drinking milk with dinner no well there was a few the like having a shower every day no thing yeah there was like a big thing a few months ago about how jenzy was like no parting your hair on the side no more skinny jeans no there were like all those two things yes and it was um i don't think those things applied to me because i think they were for for women it was and it was weird because i don Because I don't want to... You don't want to... Like if every man's just started...

Yeah. Hard no. Like a Dwight Schrute middle part. That would be the worst thing in the world. It's not... It's never been a thing that you have to part your hair as a female, though, either. I've never heard that. Oh, yeah.

Yes, you don't every day have to part your hair. No. I'm all... Well, neither do you, Graham. You've got long hair. Yeah, but I'm a, I part,

uh, to the right. What do you do? I don't go right down the middle. No. Why not the other way to the left? I don't know. It just doesn't want it.

Yeah. It just doesn't want it. Yeah. And, and it also like, cause you're doing everything in a mirror. So you're actually doing it the opposite way. Yeah.

And so it's what you think looks good but in reality doesn't look right at all i've never like my whole life i always wanted to like look like and dress like older people yes so like the idea that i would take style advice from someone younger than me is laughable like not even not and it's nothing personal but it's just like who's an older adult that you think is like like a fashion icon somebody to aspire to fashion wise boy i hate to say it but woody allen he had a very good aesthetic both him and diane keaton both had uh yeah that's true. Actually, maybe I prefer Diane Keaton. I was thinking about her and I was like, what's the most skin she's ever shown?

Was it in Annie Hall where she played tennis? Yes, I think that is a bad choice. It'd be the ankle, for sure. And that was rated R because of her ankle. Jane, do you have an adult, like a older person that you think oh man they have fantastic style no how about a younger person who older would i i don't even who older would i is the question of the podcast who older would i the jane stanton story who older would i Stanton's story. How old were I? I want to say, not right now, but when I was younger, Angelica Houston, maybe. Oh, yeah. She was always wearing beautiful dresses and all of that.

You don't know what she's doing right now. Yeah, I don't. So that's why I said when I was younger. She was in John Wick 3. Really? Yeah. Those movies are a lot of fun. That I worked out a couple weeks ago.

Yeah. Those movies are a lot of fun. That I worked out a couple weeks ago. I feel like a lot of people older, when you're saying that, I'm going 50, 60. I feel like now they're just like, I'm wearing Crocs. I'm done. Oh, sure. Yeah.

I mean, in people who were photographed once. In 1955. Okay. John Wayne. once in 1955 okay and john wayne yeah john wayne was i'd say paul newman back in the day god he was a good glass of coffee milk yeah good last guy was a good glass of coffee he was so hot dan you should print t-shirts with these phrases on them. With bad sayings. With bad sayings. Who older would I? Who older would I?

Hot glass of coffee. Done. It'll be on my OnlyFans page. Toast, toast, toast, Jane. That'd be great if an OnlyFans was just a merch store. Did we say Hyugie before? Is it Hyugie or U? Oh, is it Hyugie?

There's not a C. There's a C in it, right? I don't know. Now our backs are against the wall here. Is it Hyugie? Can I go? Oh, boy. I'm going to have to edit Hyugie into all of these.

We're in trouble with the next generation. Uh-huh. We can still. We'll bring in the Gen Xers still, still right are they the ones that are gonna die off next no everyone's no one's gonna die anymore that's true with our media yeah yeah we last forever yeah that's all my headstone's gonna have is just all the links links you can check me out at. Yeah. You have the beacon? Bit.ly slash Graham's dead. Yeah, so that's basically what's been going on

with me. I watched the thing and then I tried to learn a word and I guess I didn't do it successfully. And I supported you in the learning of it and I was wrong. I didn't know the word so And I supported you in the learning of it, and I was wrong. I didn't know the words, so I learned it. So thank you. Yeah, well, did you use it in a sentence?

Well, I just said my head went, I'm going to use it wrong. Yeah, exactly. Should we move on to some overheards? Okay. We have wasted this world. Okay. We have wasted this world. Our magic put a storm in the sky that has rendered the surface of our planet uninhabitable.

But beneath the surface, well, that's another story entirely. In a city built leagues below the apocalypse, survivors of the storm forge paths through a strange new world. Some seek salvation for their homeland above. Others seek to chart the vast undersea expanse outside the city's walls. And others still seek, what else? Fortune and glory. Dive into the Aether Sea, the latest campaign from the Adventure Zone, every other Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. The 2021 pin sale has begun. Thank you so much to everyone who participated in the MaxFunDrive. This is the last year for a while that we'll be doing pins for MaxFunDrive

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And you can send them all the way down to spy at MaximumFun.org. And we always like to start with the guest. Jane, do you have an overheard for us? I do. I was downtown. I'm going to set the scene, you guys. And,

uh, one East cider to the other. Well, they're smoking cigarettes. You didn't set the scene at all. I did. You're downtown. It's a big place. Were you inside? Were were you outside were you on a train outside

downtown two east siders homeless people smoking cigarettes and uh one person says to the other do the world a favor and start wearing yoga pants it makes everyone happy it's true yeah does it were these uh males yeah okay yeah it does make everyone happy to see a man in yoga pants it is the worst thing in the world to see i never know why what's wrong with it males wearing yoga pants is because a lot of them don't wear underwear and i don't want to see your dingleberries why not why not dingleberries are not what you're talking about dingleberries is a specific meaning and it's disgusting and it's disgusting and you can't see them through yoga pants even without underwear i know because they did a study yeah they did a study. Yeah, they did a study.

Absolutely. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Fine, fine. No, yeah, I guess. Yeah. No, I guess people don't want to see guys in yoga pants. I do.

I want to see the whole meal deal. Why? My favorite sculptures are naked guys. Yeah. And the Leonardo da Vinci six-arm guy uh-huh those are my favorites not a sculpture but uh the uh graham do you own any yoga pants no i used to own uh like a pair of like loose ones like real hippie ones and they would be perfect for walking around the house and not to do yoga and apparently because i never did but would you wear them out ever no

no but i'm also like old-timey enough to not be wearing sweats outside when i went and did yoga in yoga classes i would wear yoga pants under like i would wear tights underneath my shorts because i didn't want anyone looking at my shorts seeing the goods i just didn't want to I was usually the only guy in the class and I was like I don't want to offend any of these ladies at the start I would stay in the back of the class because I was like I'm so bad at yoga I don't want but then I was like

oh maybe they think I'm looking at their butts so then I was like I'll be in the front of the class nice yeah I think because you're like a nice human and like that. But most guys are like, look what's happening right here. But you dress like an ultimate player is what you're trying to tell me. I would. Yes, I would.

Absolutely. That is. That's what you did. Yes. That's a good summation. What is that? Ultimate frisbee? Ultimate.

Yeah. An ultimate frisbee guy. My least favorite sport in the world. Yeah. Because the coach keeps ultimate frisbee guy my least favorite sport in the world yeah because the coach keeps throwing frisbees at your head yeah no because they don't have refs first off yeah it is self self-refereed well then i'm gonna cheat we know that for a fact and you get karma points come on you have to have refs yeah life demands refs yeah a-rap all rest all rest of bastards um dennis leary uh the ref right famous dennis leary film of course the ref and famous kevin spacey film oh yeah i nearly watched a movie

last night and then Kevin Spacey was top bill then I turned it off what movie margin call I nearly watched margin call last night we're at that point of the pandemic that's right yeah never heard of it first off in my life it's about the stock market crash um it's got Zachary Quinto oh quinto um from the slap yeah oh yeah and spock wasn't he played spock in the slap dave do you have an overheard yeah i do hey this one uh interestingly involves past guest and jane's co-star jane's on-screen wife amy good murphy oh okay um i was at uh home depot this morning nice i went i went to home depot uh how that would because we needed some light bulbs and uh but i was like well you know i we get a pick up a couple flowers oh yes yes the guard to the new green thumb you have

yeah to put in the some flower pots and uh while i was there i was like oh that woman kind of looks like amy good murphy but i can't see her face because of masks right and so i uh left it alone also i had to pee really badly so i was like I need to buy this stuff quickly and go home and pee. So I don't want to talk to anyone. But I ended up getting my stuff and going to line up and Amy Goodmurphy had just dumped her plant on the ground. And had spilled dirt everywhere and she was like scooping dirt back into the pot with her

bare hand oh no i texted her later and i said was that you was that you scooping dirt into the pot she thought she got a clean away with no uh no she thought she did she thought she could escape me? No. No. Impossible. But she, so she was in line ahead of me, and then she paid, and I got my stuff. And as I was leaving, I heard the guy in line behind me say to the cashier, hey, Sherry, it was an old, like a guy in his 70s, the oldest you can be. Yeah. He said, hey, Sherry, I'm back. And the cashier said, oh, hi, Bill. And he said, Richard.

Only my friends call me Bill. We're not that close. Yeah. Dave, can I ask you the great, is this just the pandemic? This right now, you're into planting stuff because I've gone crazy in my backyard. Yeah, definitely my obsessiveness about it like the fact that i can check every few hours see if the plants are doing anything new get perennials because they come back the next year cost yeah i thought they would too

mine mostly did mine all did except for a couple of uh lavenders and that's what i was replacing today lavenders don't they grow on trees lavenders oh okay are you crazy i am crazy think of lilacs do peaches come out of the dirt um yeah i don't know lilacs yeah yeah peaches are like carrots yeah you pull peaches up by their stock yeah you shave it off and you send it to the presidents of the United States. Because they demand it. Do you think they ever got, like the Barenaked Ladies, people would throw craft dinner at them during their, if I had a dollar. Oh, of course. Yeah.

Just peaches everywhere. The presidents of the United States had peaches whipped at them. Mm-hmm. And there was like, you know, they would not get gigs because the theater wouldn't want peaches flying around no probably i'm assuming because it's maybe if they played woodstock 99 or whatever woodstock it was which one was the one they burned everything down that was 99 the one where they threw mud at green day was 94 though oh yeah that's true yeah um was that the one where they threw mud at green day was 94 though oh yeah that's true yeah um was that the one where it just rained the whole time yeah and people well that was 60 i didn't bring a sleeping

bag i have no pant they just didn't i'm here for five days i did not think that's also original woodstock yeah the army had to come in and save people yes the army had to come in. The only army I'm interested in is Army Hammer. Why? Because he's a cannibal. People send him instead of peach skin, people just send him skin.

Send Army Hammer all your skin, everybody. Yeah, when he says give me some skin, he's not talking about a high five. High five. Alright, I haven't overheard as well give it to me uh i was at a garden not my own garden i was not tending to flowers and i won't um but it was kitty corner to a real estate office and there was a an older guy talking to a slightly younger woman and he was saying it like it was like

back in my day this was the Old West Tavern or you know back in my day like oh they used to make buttons there and he just said like you know that place used to be a blockbuster sharing his knowledge with the next generation.

Was it the one at Oak and 16th? Mm-hmm. Or was it two at Double Decker Blockbuster? Double Decker Blockbuster. And now it's a Double Decker Remax. Yeah. Weird. That's a huge place.

Yeah, but it's like, it wasn't better used as a blockbuster. No. You don't need two floors of a blockbuster. No. I think my friend worked at that blockbuster no like oh you don't need two floors of blockbuster no i think my friend worked at that blockbuster okay stop bragging uh what uh that's my least favorite joke when someone's like oh braggy uh what um have you seen that documentary about the last blockbuster no is it good i don't know know. Maybe I'll watch it tonight. It's on my to-do list, but what am I

going to do? Watch it? Yeah, maybe I'll watch a Kevin Spacey film I've been dying to watch. Margin Call. Margin Call. We also have overheards sent into us from all over the world. If you wanted to send one into us, send it into spy at

maximumfun.org. And this first one comes from Nick B, who used to live in Buffalo, New York, now makes his home right here in Vancouver. They moved during the pandemic. Boo! Yeah, boo!

Here's my overheard. I was walking on Davie and Butte and heard a gruff sounding older guy with a gray beard say to his friend if you call me a lovely lady i'll give you a cigarette fair trade right yeah i mean there's not a lot of cigarettes out these days are people still trading stuff for cigarettes yeah um he wanted a shiv. Yeah, sure. Some Bruno. But I think that's a fair trade. Call somebody a lovely lady, get a cigarette.

I was at the grocery store the other day, and I wasn't paying attention. I was looking at my phone. I was in line. I looked up, and the person in front of me in line was still there, but the cashier had gone. They were gone for so long, finding cigarettes. Yeah. I don't know like that's usually in the back behind the customer services yeah they have to go get them like behind a locked thing oh they're so expensive they're over 20 sure for a pack of cigarettes yes wow just a vape like me and my friends. Yeah, exactly. Vape, smoke dupes, do edibles. Bong it. Bong it, absolutely. Just do incredible edibles. This next one comes from Tori

in Cleveland, Ohio. After a water pipe burst in her house, her sister had a contractor over who was helping her sort out the repair with the insurance company. The woman from the insurance company seemed to be struggling to record all the information when she asked, was that Mary with an M or

N as in Nary? I'm a poet. I have to rhyme everything yeah nary nary nary a thing was whatever yeah nary a insurance premium was paid

that day nary a deductible was paid yeah that deductible right that's what punches you yeah i uh insurance i stay away from that kind of stuff yeah yeah yeah that's right your your insurance uh avoid you avoid insurance yeah i'm an insurance agnostic um this last one comes from rebecca s from columbus ohio a bumper sticker that was in the style of baby board stickers that said

baby up in this bitch. And at a trip to Costco, a man looked into my cart and said, huh, Q-tips, and walked away. Huh. You're one of those families, huh? I went swimming

last weekend and I went too deep and and I got swimmer's ear. So what is that? Is you go, it's all blocked up? It's only swimmer's ear, I think, if you, it's like you just still have water in your ear. I don't know if you even have water in your ear. I had a headache from the pressure in my head from going too deep too soon. Equalize? Did you not equalize i did not equalize i won't i refuse to equalize okay rocket it up out of the water you don't want to

pop your ear drums and then i couldn't pop them for like well just the rest of the day i was fine it's weird that that doesn't happen every time uh hair dryer hair dry yeah no i did there were a side there were a couple of like i i read that you can like put your hand to your ear and just like suction it out like that doesn't work well it worked fine so get fucked suck it um i uh but then uh i tried i put q-tips in there and uh it felt so weird it was like oh i should not i shouldn't be doing this because i feels it feels like my ears don't belong to me at the moment. But it's like,

you're not supposed to use Q-tips that way at all, but it's the greatest pleasure. I know, but if I couldn't, I didn't have all of my, I couldn't feel it a hundred percent. So I was like, if I push this,

like I might push this too far and not realize it. What are we supposed to use Q-tips for? Just the outer ear. That's the dumbest, like dumbest thing in the world saying the word i know like of course you're going in deep or just like cleaning the crevices of your my bathroom floor yeah exactly on my add medication just getting in there deep in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us her phone number is who on 800 it's not even that it's 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod one like these people have hi dave graham and a special guest this is scott memington calling with an overheard i was in the kitchen section of the bay

and I saw a dad maybe four years old and his young son on his shoulders and I heard him say, huh, this is a nice butter dish. And then a second later he said softly, man, what the hell happened

to me? That he likes a butter dish is that like yeah that's his new exciting thing what do you think he was in a past life do you think it was a prankster or uh he was a partier for sure he was a real prankster but you know like uh because you i remember you saying uh ages ago when you got a bicycle that you were like i've become everything i hated i just hate by i hate cyclists sure with a passion it's out of control now too out of control i mean there's a lot of bad apples out there kind of spoiling it for the rest of them. But do you guys have butter dishes? I just got rid of mine.

I went, I had it in my cupboard. I was like, why do I have this? This is the dumbest thing in the world. You don't eat butter. Yeah, you don't ever eat butter. You know what you can put in there? Just a treat for yourself. Like a little dark chocolate bar or something like that.

No dairy. Yeah, that's never going to last. It doesn't last to get on the plate i just put it then you know it's in my mouth we have a butter dish that we got in our wedding registry when we kind of just like went around the bay and was like how about this this this this uh and it's shaped like a cow cool and it's full of butter it's always full of butter the uh you guys use it at least we use it oh we use it so much and we're a dairy loving family yeah you're a good wholesome milk drinking stock corn eating milk drinking like it's maybe the one thing from our gift registry of getting married that i remember

is specifically this is a thing we got for're getting married and you still use it too so that's great of course i mean i'm it's it's like we use it so much i'm surprised we haven't smashed it by accident well you're going to now yeah it's gonna break i used to have one that was just glass and you could see how much butter was in there then i moved to a ceramic one and now it's a nightmare i don't know what's under there at all abby's parents have one that is like it's european where you fill a thing with water and then you hold it then you put the butter upside down in the water so it never the butter is never too warm but newsflash i like my butter a little bit warm yeah yeah you don't want it to be hard what the hell good is that for?

Mine was a dumb one. It was like a cake one that you would put the block of butter in, right? And then you'd have to present your zest. Terrible describing thing. I am the best at describing things. Let me paint a picture for you. It was a cake one. Next.

Like a cake. If you have a cake on the glass. I literally thought. And you bring up the glass thing. That's how you have a cake. If you have a cake on the glass. I literally thought. And you bring up the glass thing. That's how you have a cake. I thought you were talking about a cake shaped butter dish. Me too. I wish.

It was just, you're supposed to, there was nothing. I wish I had one. Like you guys are describing her and my parents. They have it that you put the butter in. This was like, you put the block and then you put the top on top. You put the butter in. I wish I had a butter dish that you put the butter in this was like you put the block and then you put the top on top i wish i had a butter dish that you put the butter in but it was flat it was like nothing else it was flat it was not a dish there was no dish if only you were as good at describing things as you were at national team soccer i would be unstoppable here's your next flat hi dave graham an improbable guest this is sam calling from beautiful cranston rhode island

uh i was getting my covid vaccine uh the other weekend and after about a one-hour wait to get it, I had a very friendly vaccinator who was going through the questions, and when she said, are you pregnant? Before I could answer, she said, if not, you will be. if not, you will be. And then after it was done, she said, go over to the receptionist where you will be charged $17 million. Cool. I thought it brought some nice levity to an otherwise very long and boring situation.

Yeah, which is what we need. We need levity. Nurses, they're making it happen. Yeah, and they're doing it for themselves, which is nice. Yeah, do you have any sass going on when you got your vaccine? No, the guy I got it from was so harried.

So, he was the only person working in this pharmacy while the phone was ringing off the right oh okay that's not good graham you're gonna enjoy it it's all the people that worked on the cruise ship so they're like hello all the greeters they're so nice they seem like a fun sort the cruise ship they were all so friendly and then it just i i forgot how dumb people work like there's oh you got that's the first single and double double i'm sitting by myself because i came by myself and there's a couple two and they both grabbed two single chairs to bring them and alexi is like no there's right

there there's two there's two there and they're like oh then they just put them down walk over and she's like oh my god it happened five times while i was sitting there in the 15 minutes it was the funniest thing because i was just like no matter even if you had signs people are still gonna be like hey let's sit here there's two single chairs let's bring them together yeah like they're already distanced and people are like no no no we'll do what we're gonna do yeah it's fine we're gonna get a group vaccine just shoot it through my neck and into my friend's neck and i'll spit it into my neck yeah yeah they're doing a lot of through the neck vaccine yeah fucking hardcore it's so fucking insane man yeah it's uh you'll love it yeah a lot of straight edge people do what day when when are you booked? The 25th.

That's not in a week. That's in. That's so long, Graham, but it was the, go to my guy, go to your travel agent. Yeah.

All right. Here's your final phone call. Hey, Dave Graham. And I'm going to say Jesse Thorne. No, no. Cause he's probably also listening right now. Nope.

This is Joshua from Portland calling with an overheard. Call next time. I just came out of the post office, and there was a woman talking to another random stranger, and she said, she was saying, oh, my best friend just died recently, and I named my son Legend after him, not because that was his name,

but because he was a fucking legend. It's just really been cracking me up. I thought you guys would enjoy it love you guys that is pretty good I did enjoy that I named my son Dorkus after him because he was a huge dorkus like I think today in the news it was what the top three

boys names was and Oliver was one of them oh Oliver's one of them yeah oh boy can i guess what the other two i don't remember what they are but i can look it up right now and then you can guess so poppy is in a preschool class oh yeah they're uh for covid reasons there they can only have eight kids in the in the class okay three of them are named Parker. Really? Yeah. After Parker Lewis can't move? Of course, yeah. Absolutely. Okay, so what do you think the other two?

Oliver is number three. Is Parker not one of them? No, Parker's not one of them. Is it like new names though? Are these last names that have become first names like Parker? No, these are both first names, but one of them is like weird biblical. And then one of them is. Oh, boy.

Let's go with Hezekiah. Beelzebub. I'm going to go with Jesus. Jesus? Yeah. No. Number two Is Noah Oh for sure

And then Number one boys name of the year And apparently Of last year too Of last year too Oh boy I'm going to have to go with Bennett a carryover from last year. Last year too. Oh boy, I'm going to have to go with a Bennett. Jane, do you have one?

I'm just going to go with a B. Beckham. Go. Beckham? Okay. You're both wrong. It is like a certain Mr. Neeson. Liam. Liam. Wow. Good for you, Liam. So they're going, I love that they're getting old school names for boys because they did that with girls for a long time too.

Well, they just, you know, all the ones that they did were, they just, it was enough, you know? Like they didn't want to do those anymore. They wanted fresh. I'm literally going down the list to see what the least... The popular kids' names are Parker, Kubiak, Jerry. These are the characters

from Parker Lewis can't lose. Coolness Park. Anyways, I can't find it. But Liam, number one, Rule Supreme. Yeah, let's hear it for the boy. That song is in Footloose. Footloose, yeah. Well, that brings us to the end of this here podcast.

Jane, tell us all about the things that you're doing that people can see and enjoy. They can check out High School Sucked on all platforms. That's you and your friend Darcy Michael, past guest of this show.

Yep. Darcy Michael. We have a page on Facebook and on Instagram. Okay. And that's what you want people to do first.

You want them to check you out on Facebook before they listen. They go to spotify or apple yeah people know how to find podcasts what uh who have you who have you had on your show we've had john door we had lauren ash from um superstore and we've had graham yep i've been. Yeah. That's true. You can just clip out my part where I talked about my teacher having a nervous breakdown. Put it in your show. Yeah. Top five episode. Top five episode.

It's a great story. I love it. And yeah, check out Mighty Ducks Disney Plus. Nice. Yeah. Thank you for being our guest. This was a lot of fun. Thank you for having me.

And thank you to all the donors out there that joined up during the MaxFunDrive. This is our first episode after the MaxFunDrive. And thank you so much for everyone who supported in the last two weeks. I bet the window's still open if you want to get some of that bonus content. Yeah. Go to MaximumFun.org slash join. Yeah. And thank you very much.

You listeners mean an awful lot to us, and it would help, always, if you tell one of your friends that you love this show. Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.