Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 690 - Jordan Morris

Episode Date: June 8, 2021

Comedian and writer Jordan Morris returns to talk Christian punks, Dave’s new dog, and unicycling women.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 690 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, unless I miss my guess, just got a nice haircut, Mr. Dave Shumka. No, it's a bad haircut. Oh. You're way off. No, I got a haircut and I already am like, maybe I should book that next haircut.

I had, oh, my hair was touching my face. Oh, I'm like, well, maybe I should book that next haircut. I had, oh, hair, my hair was touching my face. Oh, I hate it. The hair that had been cut off was touching your. No, no, no. Before I got my haircut, my hair was long enough to touch my face. Like, oh, because my face and my hair, they're like, they get together and they make greasy babies. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah.

Yeah, I know. I've got the same thing except i've got a lot more uh head yeah you've got and you got a lot less haircuts yeah well that's right um when was the last haircut do you have a date on that i bet you i could find the exact date because it was when I was at the Winnipeg comedy. Okay, let's stop down. I will find you the exact date. Tonight? Yeah. Okay. Our guest today, you may know him from his podcast right here on the Maximum Fun Network, Jordan Jesse Goo, and also is the writer and creator of what was a podcast is now a comic book is uh and it's fantastic one at that bubble it's jordan morris everybody hi hi great to be here hi jordan thanks

for coming jordan was on last on the show i was shocked to realize he's only been on once because i thought it was twice but it's once he was last on episode 109 with chris fairbanks this was before we were even on maximum fun oh yeah that's right um but that sealed the deal i assume yeah i mean we joined like two days later yeah i went back to the board and said these guys are all right i vetted them myself how are you doing how's everything you're you're in an office for the first time let's get to know us uh yeah i am coming to you from an office i'm working an ad job for a couple of weeks which is something i do periodically i don't consider myself an ad man but if um you consider yourself a madman yes i do consider myself a madman uh but not one of the characters who worked at the ad agency don draper's uh son

i'm a madman in that sense yeah that i really related to glenn um whose kid was glenn he was not john draper's kid that was the kid down the street who kid down the street who was well he was matthew weiner's kid in real life wasn't he right yeah yeah yeah um so yeah i'm him i forgot what he did i never set foot in he was the kid he was the kid who uh was maybe in sally's class but had a crush on betty uh yes yes yes yes yes there you go he wanted to like touch your hair and stuff so that's me i'm the creepy hair toucher you're a real mad man yeah um so how are things that you things have opened up a bit more in your neck of the woods is everything like back to normalish or or midway or what's happening

yeah so still masks um they say the masks will be gone uh later this month um but yeah i've like i've fucking done some vaccine shit i I've been to two movies, guys. Oh shit, whoa. In theaters. What did you see? I saw, the first one I saw was Wrath of Man. Okay. This is a Jason Statham romp where he.

I thought you were going to say rom-com. Yeah, a real romp comp. Where this is a, you know, it is a very down the middle statham uh he's a he's a armored car driver who wants revenge oh and he gets it he gets that revenge sorry i know i kind of spoiled it a little bit there oh i just looked it up it has post malone in it oh yeah post malone uh does some acting uh gets killed, does a very good job. Does he have the tattoo or is that covered up? No, he's got the signature tats.

He mumbles. It's great. Yeah. When I got my hair cut today, the woman cutting my hair said she had a big fight with her husband over who was the handsomest person in the Fast and the Furious movies. Okay, who did she say? Well, no, I guess it wasn was the handsomest person in the best and the furious movies okay who did she who did i guess it wasn't the handsomest person because it wasn't open to the whole universe because obviously jason statham is the hands yes person and or the rock uh but it was guys are we having are we gonna have that same fight right here well who do you who do you think i'm a tyrese man i'm a tyrese come on i'm a luda i'm a luda uh but it was between vin diesel and paul walker

paul walker i don't know she said that every she thinks ghosts are hot r.i.p she said that every every woman she's asked has said vin diesel and every man has said paul walker hmm i think it's vin diesel though and her husband her husband is she said we had our first fight because he said paul walker and she's and to get him to like to get her to like vin diesel less he played vin diesel's music like his song that he put out yeah oh yeah the vin diesel i don't remember the specifics but i do mean either diesel song being very bad there's a weird echelon of actor that thinks that they can do music because i guess they've been around performance and so they assume they can do music

you know you're talking about your uh you know kevin costner's and your i mean bacon kevin bacon's jeremy renner famously uh famously weird song right yeah yeah and jeep and a jeep uh campaign based around it that's right like oh it was the ad campaign you probably wrote this yeah you're talking to a real ad man here maybe i didn't write it but i punched it up why don't we i said what if he farts at the end jeremy renner he needs a jeep to get to his concert right desert that's right yeah he is he's doing some sort of desert concert can't get there in a regular car yeah and then

oops jeep um i just jeeped i jeeped in my pants how was wrath of man i yeah well i mean it was the first movie i saw it you know in theaters since the whole thing and i don't know if this is coloring my review or not but i think it's the best movie i've ever seen okay again could be a could be because i had not been in a movie theater in a while no i really liked it it's directed by guy ritchie so it's a little more you know stylish than your average kind of direct to red box and they've they've done it together before yeah these are old old pals

easy easy chemistry ritchie and statham uh yeah i liked it a lot and then the second movie i saw was uh army of army the army of the dead army of the dead this is a movie that apparently is in a few theaters oh is that with david uh bautista oh no there's another one of those those types of men though it is not but oh maybe it is bautista it could be i was okay it's not i was thinking maybe it was john cena but it is not it is batista well you're you saw it that's true i did see it um but we would we would defer to you if you said that it was uh cena or any of the other acting wrestlers i guess there's only three the the we couldn't get the rock actors yes the rock said no yeah the rock turned down go to after the rock if john cena turns it down rowdy rowdy piper uh this was a fun experience basically as i saw it in like a second run theater

um which i uh hadn't been to in a while and just like filthy ass 80s carpet there was a noticeable tear in the screen yes well they haven't had any time to fix that they've been showing movies throughout the pandemic and uh yeah this was a this was a very fun zombie uh romp uh i only see romps i asked the ticket takers i'm like is this a romp because if it's not i won't be in i won't be attending and they're like i don't fucking give a shit man shut up shut the fuck up this is a bit for a podcast idiot i make 10 bucks an hour um so i this was fun this had a lot of uh this and listen i'm i'm no stickler for for screenwriting conventions but i think this had a lot of unfired chekhov's guns oh They set up a lot of things that never

go anywhere. Is there a term for that? Is there like, is it a what is it? Chekhov's secret. Chekhov's gun. Thank you. That's what I was looking for. Chekhov's blue balls. Oh man.

What is this, a Jeep commercial? So this had a lot, yes. Chekhov's Jeep. Chekhov's Jeep, yes. This, so for instance, it's a zombie movie, so they kind of walk in to the zombie area, and there's a bunch of dead zombies. I know zombies are dead, but motionless zombies.

Right. And there's a zombie expert and she says like uh uh they look dead now but when it rains they all come back to life oh so i'm like shit later on in the movie things are looking bleak and we see the storm clouds rolling in oh no yeah i'm only zombie when it rains uh it never rains they never come back to life it's just this weird little thing they slip in there and there's a lot of that there's a guy who has a bunch of chainsaws who never chainsaws anyone it's like it's checkoff's chainsaw checkoff's chainsaw yeah anyway so there's a lot of stuff like that but i still uh had a really wonderful time and have either of you seen a play by checkoff and i'll also accept ibsen oh i think i've seen an ibsen it was called the dollhouse or something like that

is that an ibsen i don't know i think i saw this is all yeah i think i saw the seagull in college oh yeah i saw the pre-goal with young anakin yeah yeah the star wars pre-goals dave what are the checkoff plays i don't know um yeah i don't know where the gun comes from It's obviously from Maybe it's the seagull I don't know Yeah Check off plays We got Uncle Vanya The seagull Three sisters

The cherry orchard The bear Tokyo drift The wood demon That sounds good That like this sound good yeah uh and uh wrath of whatever you saw right yeah man and then the one i saw in the movie i saw what was it like being in the theater uh you know it was for the play yeah uh when the curtain rose i I was there. I was there. I was transported.

You know, I think like all the vaxxed stuff I've done so far, like drinks with friends, getting a haircut, which I did, it was weird for two minutes and then was not weird at all. It was just pure fun. Yeah. So there was an awkwardness to like oh i haven't been in one of these in a while what do i do when do i wear the mask and then like once that feeling when do i pay you know poke a hole in the bottom of the

popcorn yeah yeah yeah right yeah you know they had a lot of time to do that does it matter that i'm alone should i still be putting my dick in this popcorn? You wouldn't do that to someone else. That's assault. Right. The salt goes in the popcorn. You forget that you did it. So it's always a surprise. Yeah.

It's the stranger. That's where you reach in the popcorn. Remember that your dick's in there. With your left hand. Mm-hmm. Yeah. The stranger. Great checkoff play. Yeah. What was like a thing that you were so

glad to get back to was it going to the movies or was there something else you were like oh my god it's so nice to do this yeah movies so i had this interesting um you know experience where uh you you we've listened we were from different countries but we've all hung out uh irl at different points you fellas know you fellas know i like to have a drink sure uh you know i could perhaps say that there's been times in my life where i've liked to have a drink a little too much um but in general i think i i i i like i like to have a drink i like to have a drink. I like to have a drink with friends. But when the quarantine stuff happened, I kind of stopped because whenever I would have a drink alone at the house, I would get so fucking bummed. It's just like I automatically went to sad drunk. I never hit fun.

I feel like I went from two sips to sad that would be a good bacardi yeah you're only two sips to say you're only two sips away from a soaked pillow um yeah so i you know i kind of just stopped because it was bumming me out and like you know if friends were like zoom happy hour i would just like have a seltzer um and so i did it was booze you're like oh i'm getting pretty drunk over here whoa and then i told everybody off and then i blamed alcohol later oh i'm sorry i told you all to fuck off um and then so yeah i um yeah so i kind of just stopped and then i got you know i got the like we're vaxxed invite to go to a bar with a couple

of friends and i was kind of like well how am i maybe do i not drink am i a non-drinker now am i done and so i like i you know i was wondering i was wondering about this would i like have those two sips and immediately get too sad and have to like leave yeah um and then but yeah once we i like got to the bar i like ordered a guinness and it was a little weird for a couple minutes and then i'm like oh good i love this oh good okay i love this. Oh, good. Okay. I love this. I can keep drinking. Yay. Doing this thing that maybe is bad for me.

But no, I think it was nice to kind of discover that I enjoy the social part of it still. Yeah. How many Guinnesses can you drink? I can drink, I think, well, at what point in my life? I think there was a time in my life what i could probably uh have a six guinness night wow yeah that's a lot of uh a black and white beer nine thousand calories it's like eating a whole birthday cake there's people who say like you're supposed to give guinness to somebody who's just got surgery because it's got a lot of some vitamin in it.

Oh, interesting. I hadn't heard that. I mean, you're not supposed to have one every day after surgery for the rest of your life. No, no, no. That's actually what I was doing when I had surgery. You had six surgeries. Six surgeries. But now I can have a Guinness

and a half and then I get tired. Yeah, it's... I can, now I can have a Guinness and a half and then I get tired. Yeah. It's, uh, I can't even, uh, yeah. Approach one. Like I know if I, cause the can, they come in the very big cans, right? Yeah. I mean, I guess you could go to a bar in theory, but, um, like anytime I've, you know, wanted to make like an Irish stew and you, you, you pour a Guinness in there with your meat and then you have a couple left in your fridge and you're like,

I'm not, for me personally, I just can't make it through them. Just wait until Jordan comes over. I'll take care of him. Yeah, I'll take care of one and a half of those bad boys and then I'll go to sleep on your couch. I, yeah, it's the same.

I couldn't get into it. It's too, I don't know what it is. It's too strong. What is it that I don't like about it? Is the color weird? It's heavy. Yeah.

It's bready. Yeah. Um, so that's good. That's nice that that's like now again, it started up and like, that's the thing. Everybody was worrying is like, is it everything going to go back to normal or is there a new thing that it's going to be like, uh, everybody has to keep adjusting to, but do you feel like things are just snapping back to the, to regular? I have not, I've, everything I've witnessed, I have not witnessed, you know, people seeming like they're acting like irresponsible assholes, you know, the restaurants are, you know, pretty safe and distanced and outdoors and the, you know, in the movie was, you know, they roped off some seats so, you know, people could have distance. Right. Yeah, I think so.

I think every, I think everyone feels weird. And I think that is still kind of hanging in the air yeah there's kind of a like when do i put on the mask and when do i not put on the mask there's a little bit of that going around but like yeah it feels like people are just kind of like happy to be out and enjoying themselves in a way that is are you really nice you've got two doses? I've got two. I feel like before this pandemic, I never asked people about any vaccines. Right. When was your last tetanus shot?

Graham, did you get vax this week? I got vax last week. Did we already talk about it? Very cool. I think so, yeah. I was very efficient. And I was standing in line behind, I don't know if you've ever seen something like this or somebody like this that has tattoos that are gross like they're disgusting tattoos like the pictures like metal rick ripping out of the skin and like

blood like that like garbage pail kids yeah exactly i was standing in line behind somebody that had that and i just had to look at it for the whole hour that i was there because he couldn't couldn't jump the queue and i didn't want to lose my spot so i just had to stare at this like you guys know what i'm talking about a disgusting tattoo yeah yeah yeah uh what was it specifically was it shit it was like spikes coming out yeah it was spikes coming out it was like and it looked like a claw maybe it had got in there and uh i just don't understand. I mean, you know, look, I love tattoos. Yeah.

Are you like the sweet kind? Yes, yes. I like a heart. I like not a medical heart. Just the classic mom heart. Yeah. Classic mom. Yeah.

Jordan, any tattoos? No, not a one. I've considered it, but i've chickened out every time i don't think i i don't think i have a tattoo like i think it would not fit my personality what's the closest you ever got i thought about getting my cat uh yeah did you say your calf or your cat my cat on my cat on your cat it'd be funny if I got my calf on my bicep. Hey, check out my calf. Just an excuse to flex.

Yeah. Hey, don't skip leg day. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. I don't, yeah, none of us are tattooed. Neither are you? No tattoos? No. What was, like, okay, fucking gun to your head bro gun to your head what do you get

uh i'm a gun to your head one yeah gun to my head just tattoo where you've got my a target for your gun um i uh at a party as somebody's passing around like a marker or something and i did knuckle tattoos that said readers digest i think i think that would be my tattoo that would be good yeah it would be good yeah i could just get dave on my knuckles yeah i have these um uh nike i once ordered a pair of like custom nikes uh and i so you can you can put up to six letters on the back instead of nike on the logo yeah like uh uh instead of the word nike you can put six letters and so i did uh shunk on one shoe and uh on the other that's really good yeah um yeah that's uh that's like paying for a you know novelty license plate or something like that it takes it takes a bold person to put words on their shoes

is what i'm saying yeah but it's like uh not as bold as a person as it takes to get a tattoo yeah like i've had those shoes for maybe four years and i'm over it. I'm itching to get my next shoe. Like, do you think, like, what's the hierarchy of tattoos? Like, there's obviously people who get a small tattoo somewhere. And we are the experts on this topic. Yes, we're going to break this down. And certainly we should be talking about it. But do you think face tattoo is the top of the...

I sometimes turn on uh ink master while i'm doing chores is that uh who's like hosted by dave navarro um cool he landed on his feet i'm glad yeah yeah good for him um yeah i've never considered a tattoo but except the readers i just um and yeah you know i'm fine with it there's famous tattooists in la if you you could get in to see whatever her name is yeah it's not that famous yeah yeah we had uh past guest kevi had uh yeah all of his tattoos were by cat bondi really yeah yeah yeah what was the yeah what did he what do you i imagine you probably know somebody to get in he knows her he's a music producer and i think he was like she was making

music cool do you think it was better or worse than jeremy renner's music well uh kevi was involved so it had to be good yeah there you go there you uh i'm sorry i set you up to potentially insult a guest that was very rude of me i would never nothing against kevi i don't he seems like a great guy i'm sure he's a very talented music producer he is absolutely and comedy album producer hey okay um yeah uh i forgot what i was gonna say i completely blanked no i think i i think i, I think I, yes. So I think I probably, if I did want to get a tattoo, I could probably go to someone who would like, you know, yeah.

Tattooed Dita Von Teese or something like that. Right. Yeah. Is that, oh, is she, what's she up to these days? Dita Von Teese. She's just swimming around a big champagne coop. Doing laps. Yeah. And then she gets in the shower that's another champagne flute yeah uh she sits in a little champagne flute to eat dinner yeah she has

different champagne glasses or different you know she's of course a champagne toilet. I've got champagne toilet tastes. Oh, I fucking absolutely wrecked my champagne toilet last night. I ate a whole awesome blossom by myself and just fucking wrecked my champagne toilet. Mind if I ask what an awesome blossom is? Oh, you don't know? Okay, great. This is a fun regional difference. Awesome blossom is a the

signature appetizer of a restaurant chain called chili's okay uh which is a very down the middle chain restaurant goofy license plates on the walls margs yeah yeah i've seen ads for i've been in a chili's too in the calgary airport there you go yeah. Yeah. There's no chilies like chilies too. You're going to want to go to those too. And isn't the Awesome Blossom the, what's the, it's a rip off of the Bloomin' Onion? Oh, I don't know which came first. That would be interesting.

Yeah, it's an Oreo Hydrox situation. So yes, the Bloomin' Onion is the Outback Steakhouse version. It is a, like, you know, an onion cut to look like a blooming flower and then deep fried with a little kind of a cheesy aioli. Huh. Is that good? Yeah, I love them.

I haven't had one in a while. Have you had at Red Robin, they have the onion ring tower? No, that sounds fun. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't think I've had it either, but. Yeah. It's great.

There's so many onion things to eat. I know when this, when the restaurants open back up, I'm just going on a deep fried onion. Go to onion tour and onion tour of the world. Have you thought of Australia to America? Um, yeah.

Is like, is there any food that you missed from restaurants that you couldn't recreate because there's like a couple places that i'm like i can't do it as good as the restaurant does it oh yeah but like didn't all those restaurants have takeout uh some of them did some of them just were were boarded right up but um and some stuff doesn't travel well right yeah totally i i had that experience so many times i'm like i'm gonna do it i'm gonna get a meal from this place that i love that's always a home run and then yeah you get it home and it's uh yeah it's just damp and everything's the same temperature and yeah you're trying to cut it with a plastic knife yeah sure although

i guess i could have used my own part of the experience he gave me a plastic one i have to use this one uh so oh yeah let's see so what do what what if i you know what i what what just didn't travel well i i okay so one of my favorite foods is like a diner breakfast okay um i love a diner breakfast bacon bacon, eggs, hash browns, coffee. Classic. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and that's the thing I look forward to the most. It always makes the day a little better.

Yeah. And I tried to get it a couple times from diners that I like. And yeah, it just fucking sucked when I got it home. Yeah. And yeah, I can make bacon and eggs and you know hash browns kind of at home right um but could you do it the same amount of love that the diner would no i can't because i don't love myself as much as the diner loves me diner's always there for you and maybe that's something i should work at in therapy i should

learn to love myself as much as the diner loves me it's hard though because that diner's love is unconditional as long as you don't yes jump out on the on the check uh yeah and uh finish your old plate the diner doesn't care if you finish your food diner didn't care yeah they might make a comment if you don't yeah that's fun. Something I said. Here at Dennis Miller's Roadhouse. Yeah, Denny's Miller's. You ate less than General Schwarzkopf when he was in the Epic of Gilgamesh. Is he still a football guy?

Is he still involved somehow with football? I think he's like he's like a conservative radio host now he like went conservative and i think is like just on am radio you know do you think that you can get more gigs or whatever as somebody like can you get more gigs as somebody who's like kind of funny if you're on the conservative side of the fence like isn't that what the producers is about you can make more money with a flop yeah yeah exactly um yeah no i think so i think that like yeah i think that like if you if you right if you're a a comedian whose star is fading i think if you decide to go conservative

you could probably keep it keep it going a little bit longer. Because, yeah, I guess they're most... Yeah, who's like the funniest conservative? I mean, it was Rush Limbaugh for a while. Mike Huckabee? Yeah, Mike Huckabee. Yeah, Mike Huckabee. Yeah, Mike Huckabee and his Twitter jokes. Yeah, if that's the bar.

Is he the guy that... Does he also host a late night show? No. Or like a talk show? We have a guy over here now called Gutfeld. Oh, yeah, Gutfeld. And his show is Gutfeld! And it's on the conservative Fox News Network.

Oh, that's the one I think of. Is it Greg Gutfeld? And I think he was just like an ad executive who worked for Fox, who they gave a late night show to. So he's not even like a, you know, practice stand-up comedian or something. He just gave it to a person who worked at the office yeah i think he had another show before got felled but i think that was just

the story he was how ellen got her show right yeah yeah she was just having to be she was dancing over the ottoman on the set and they're like well that's good that is good why did we get out of here and put her in um graham do we have funny or like even conservatives who try to be funny in canada i don't know there's like uh i don't know because we don't we definitely have like we have like redneck style comedy yeah you might be a canadian redneck if sure yours zamboni is up on blocks yeah your canoe has an outboard motor right um yeah i don't think we do i don't think we have it's just not the same atmosphere as yeah in the states that we don't have a channel necessarily dedicated to political ideology.

And you know what? Maybe we should get one. Maybe we're behind the time. That's our role. We're kind of a we're the conservative outlet here in Canada. Well, we do tell it like it is. Yeah. Sure. That's... And you guys are all... I mean, you guys hate cancel culture too. I mean, you're very vocal about that. Yeah. Yeah. I hated

when they canceled the dixie checks and made them change their name me too the name the name's different yeah it's uh the big part of the draw for me was they were from dixie place um is it yeah it's the south yeah i think the idea is that maybe it was it that dixie was like something that like was associated with the confederacy like maybe it was too close to and you know it maybe suggested them being like proud of the confederacy or something so i think that's why they why they decided to like lady antebellum oh yeah another potentially problematic name but they solved that yeah and then there was that there's that other uh country duo the slave likers no yeah they probably should change it yeah the likers uh jordan you have a book out now, a comic book, graphic novel, let's say.

Is it out now? It's out now, isn't it? It is coming out on July 13th, but people can pre-order it now. And I would really appreciate it if they did. Apparently, that's a good thing to do for a book. Yeah, it is a sci-fi comedy graphic novel. I co-wrote the script with a great comedy writer named Sarah Morgan, a wonderful comics maker. Tony Cliff did the art and kind of helped us with the script

and some kind of comic book-y things. He's a bar weight, that Tony Cliff. Yeah, he is. I think he lives in your neighborhood. I think he's told me he's, like, seen you guys at stores. Oh, yeah. We've inspired him to create comic book characters. Yeah, he saw you at a store and said,

I'm going to quit my job and do comics. Well, we're inspiring a lot of people. Yeah, Tony Cliff is great. We have a great kid's book by him called Let's Get Sleepy. Yeah, Tony Cliff, a wonderful artist. Let's Get Sleepy, fantastic. cliff is great uh we have a great kids book by him called let's get sleepy yeah tony cliff a wonderful artist let's get sleepy uh fantastic it is a kids book filled with many cats yeah um and he does the uh delilah dirk series of graphic novels which are kind of these like swashbuckling uh ya adventures that kind of um yeah it's this kind of adventure going around the world i'm

pitching it wrong but yeah well you don't have to pitch that you have to pitch bubble that's true i'm pitching his other book which i shouldn't be doing i should be pitching our project together called bubble uh-huh um yeah it's a sci-fi comedy it's kind of set in a kind of near future where everybody lives in these bubble cities and our main characters are these kind of uh down on their luck roommates who have to participate in this kind of life or death version of the gig economy to survive. And there's robots and aliens and a lot of gore and a lot of sex jokes. And it was just a delight to do. And it was a podcast on Maximum Fun.

Yeah, it was a Maximum Fun podcast. So it's the adaptation of that. So if you heard the podcast, hopefully there's a lot of your favorite moments, but also some new stuff, too. Is the characters come out looking like Mike Mitchell? Yeah, you know, it's funny. So, yeah, Mike Mitchell does one of the voices and was like, you know, if you know him very clearly, the inspiration for the character. character um he uh something tony did that i thought was really interesting is he he didn't just draw the voice actors but he gave each of the characters one characteristic from the voice actors so like he that's kind of how he started drawing them was he took one little feature of

them and kind of used that to as a starting point yeah you'll see some little similarities with the voice actors but they are like their own people and uh like i know that it was first done as a podcast but are you like a comic book guy oh totally yeah i've been a i've been a comic book like reader since i was a kid you know my my it was you know something my mom got me when i was being bad in a store. So I would... To reward you. To reward me for my badness. Yeah. Ooh, you are bad today. I'm a Batman.

Yeah, you really screamed through that whole trip to the pharmacy. Yeah, and they used to have comic books just at the store. Now you have to go to a comic book store. Yeah, I think when we were kids yeah they definitely like put them in places where kids could complain for them yeah yeah that was a big part of their marketing i think i don't know why they stopped um but uh

yeah so i've just like loved comics my entire life and i've definitely like always kind of dreamed of doing it but you know when you i feel like whenever i read them i'm like well this is magic this is not something that i can do i'm not a mortal yeah i am but a man i am not the magician who makes these things um so yeah i definitely have always like just had tons of like reverence for them uh and yeah and it was and, and I know my co-writer Sarah has too. So I think we were, it was so nice that we had Tony to kind of like be, be the kind of steady handed professional to like teach us about the,

you know, ins and outs. And yeah. Is this in color? It's in color. The color is by a great artist named Natalie Reese, who does the dungeon critters series. She did a very nice job. I don't know if you were setting you up i was not setting you up i was like i wonder if this is in color it is full color because you know sometimes you get a you know a book of farsights

and right only a some of them are in color there are so it is not in black and white but there are a lot of jokes about uh uh what if cows acted like people i have uh a far side calendar hey there it is they have not put out in years like it's something you read it read the read the cartoon to us well because i i was looking for this the last couple years and they don't make them anymore and then just in 2021 they started making them again because i got them this was a like i every year my aunt would give me for christmas a far side calendar uh today she was senile or just because she she knew you loved them well i never complained the family they always gave our family a puzzle that we would do on Christmas Day.

That's fun. And every child, we get an individual gift. And mine was always a Farsight calendar. And they've got every month in the calendar is now like divided up into a topic. Like they have Caveman Month. Yeah. Animal Month. This is Animal Month.

It might just be. Those are the two mains that he does scientist month maybe there's some scientist month was last month um there was uh monster and caveman yet beach caveman yeah some aliens cowboys bugs right um seems to be crime jordan what's your that you can remember what's your favorite far side hell hell he does a lot of hell yeah yeah oh favorite far side let's see i certainly read enough of them um oh it's the i think it's the scientist and he has uh he has the helmet that lets him uh hear what dogs are saying and so he's got the helmet on he's walking down the street and all the dogs in the neighborhood are just going hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey

that is a good one uh they uh that was in uh scientist month was may uh anyway so here is uh so you enjoyed that comic recently yeah i i did i think i i could probably uh if i went through all these crumpled up pieces of paper i think i could probably pull it up for you uh but this one is uh a couple of lions uh walking past these i'm describing a farsight aren't i yes you are and we're we are riveted by yeah i can't wait yeah a couple of lions walking past uh some antelopes but the antelopes bodies are it looks like they are they are like cubes or like they're big rectangular loaves are their bodies and it says knowing the lion's preference for red meat the spammelopes remained calm but wary i don't know i don't i had never seen that one before but that's

what they look like oh that's fun yeah the kids kids don't know farside right that's not a thing they're they're being weaned on my kids love it my kids have been they were so glad that this year they made a farside calendar every day they're like dad can i come into your office and read the calendar you're like no it stays on the calendar and then i'll throw it out you can look at that yeah you pick it out of the trash if you want this is dad's calendar and then we have some these are daddy's farsights every day i spend half an hour explaining it to them okay well okay so the joke here is that okay well i know we don't go to church but okay so there's this place called hell we have opened up a whole theological door just to explain a farsight comic

and this they're watching the weather report and the weatherman is saying that the cold front just missed them because hell's very hot and it's even worse for them because they got their hopes up there's when we as a family don't believe in hell but also if you want to explore religion we're fine with that and but also i grew up in the church and i don't remember um any mention of hell ever oh i went to a very hell-based church oh yeah out of hell it's like well i think maybe we were satanists because it was hell came up more than more than the other what's it called heaven you talked about it so much you didn't even talk about the alternative yeah yeah hell uh i mean we one of our hymns we played was uh lake of fire by from the nirvana's unplugged originally a meat puppet song

i think right but we at my church we exclusively did the nirvana right that arrangement of it jordan did you grow up around church and that kind of culture i did so i grew up so where i grew up, so where I grew up in Orange County, California, there is the hip youth group culture is very healthy. Maybe not healthy for young people, but it is healthy in that it is. It's thriving. Thriving, yes. Thank you, Dave. So it is like there are these youth groups where like a guy with like tattoo sleeves will sit backwards on a chair and strum an acoustic guitar at the same time. Oh, wow.

Very hard. But he's that chunk. That's how fucking chill this guy is. And just, you know, and he'll be like, hey, you know, like you can talk to Jesus anywhere, even out on your surfboard. Like he's that's the vibe. Yeah. My minister said on your surfboard. Like he's, that's the vibe. Yeah. My minister said, absolutely no surfboards.

If you're out there, Jesus will not hear you. They're the devil's planks. The waves, you'll, you'll shoot the curl straight to hell. You guys do talk a lot about hell. Jesus Christ.

So there was that. And then there was like the little, like, then there's also a very like vibrant culture of like Christian, like punk and ska shows where you would hear the like Christian versions of the like blink 182s and mighty, mighty boss tones is that we're on the radio at the time. Wow.

Yeah. We had that, but instead of Christian, it was just canadian yeah hard to tell sometimes yeah sure um so yeah it was a very like it was a very chill kind of christianity and i didn't get a lot of hell threats but some i was maybe medium hell i think maybe between dave and graham in hell mentions yeah um yeah and yeah looking back it didn't like traumatize me too hard but i bet there was a lot of what did huh what did

traumatize you oh boy well the never-ending story have you guys seen this thing return to oz our kids movies were scary let's talk about that on a podcast return to oz i i think possibly my mom rented it by mistake and uh i think i saw it before wizard of oz so oh yeah i didn't have that disassociation where they were that was farooza balk that's a farooza balk I believe. Yes. And yes, a cold take, but terrifying movies to show kids. Who's Farooza Balk? Farooza Balk played young Dorothy. She's one of the crafts.

She had, I think she had dinner at my house once. Really? No way. Cool. I think, yeah, she maybe went to my sister's school. Huh. Really? She grew up here.

She's like, yeah, she's not from here, but she grew up here, I think. she's not from here but she grew up here i think on the mean streets of vancouver yeah and uh straight to the island island of dr marup um yeah it's uh has there ever been a sequel to something you loved that was the most horrible movie that you've ever seen i mean they they do make all those like yeah whatever if if cruel intentions is your favorite movie love cruel intentions wild things yeah they make all those direct-to-video ones that have uh someone must have just bought the rights to the name right it's like because it's got none of the stars the sequel to caddyshack had jackie mason being rodney dangerfield's character i think heavy chase is

in it for like a one guest appearance i feel like damn hackroyd maybe is the bill murray character it was very it was like very uh other dimension of cast it was close but one over you know what i mean yeah yeah which is weird because there's nothing like whatever made caddyshack good isn't wasn't like in the script right like it was just the whatever having the famous people the really funny people in the movie yeah just goofing around goofing around like the plot doesn't matter that's true like people aren't like they recognize the caddyshack brand and that's why they keep coming back yeah and it's like with with meatballs it's like the non-bill murray parts of meatballs are like oscillate between terrible and forgettable you know yeah like he is kind of off having his own movie and then there's just this other movie

that no one remembers that is yeah either bad or forgettable so yeah if caddyshack is just kind of like what if we filled the movie with not only bill murray but a bunch of other bill murray's who are just kind of like fun to watch yeah mumble to themselves joel murray brian doyle so yeah right it's like it's like yeah there was this forgettable script about a golf area and then they just filled it with the funniest people they could get. A golf area. A real golf area. An area where you go to golf. Have you ever golfed? No, I've never golfed. I've miniatured. But no, I've never golfed.

I've minied. I've minied, sure. Have you golfed, Graham? Yeah. Very bad at it. Yeah, me too. Wildly bad. Like disappointing people that weren't even with

my party bad like other people there yeah i was so bad at golf i had to yell five that is bad uh dave golf yeah i've got uh i mean i've i i pitched and putted uh in my teens and then I never really did that again and then I got some golf clubs my dad bought found some left handed golf clubs which is what I would need at a garage sale and bought them and I so I have them and I've used them once

and it was fine but I don't I need to like the kind of people who golf like I need a group of friends who golf and are bad at it. Yeah. And also like, you need a, like a, not a van. What are the golf carts? Yeah. Golf vans. Good one. Yeah. Part of me does think like, yes, golf. Cause right. It's outdoors. It's leisurely. There's a drinking element.

So I, there is part of me that's leisurely there's a drinking element so i there is part of me that's like oh maybe golf would be fun and certainly like do i am approaching like the golfing age where like dudes my age are like becoming golfy i think i'm i'm late all the dudes my age are golfy they're already golfy yeah that's weird i didn't like i didn't realize that that's basically what we're turning into is that specific like when i was a kid you had to be old to golf right yeah that's true but they were cut out of a middle-aged man at the entrance and says you must be this old to go yeah um but i do still have a like young punk's reaction to golf when i like drive by the

golfing range i'm like fucking elitist and it's like whatever you know but i do have that there's a little voice where it's like oh fucking rich assholes anyway yeah and he sounds like that that's the voice in my head when i was kid, my grandfather was a golfer and he, we went for lunch at his golf course, a restaurant. And I was wearing jeans and he was like, you can come in here in your dungarees. And I never heard that word.

That's funny. It broke my mind. A blue jean. And Graham, a young punk was like, sit on it. Yeah. Sit on it, pops. Wasn't there like an MXPX video where they're like punks at a golf course?

They're like caddying? God, yeah. Speaking of Christian punk rock, I don't know. That totally tracks, though. That seems correct. Well, I don't even know who these fellows are. They're punk or they're ska? MXPX, it's a Superman villain.

And if you say his name... You're thinking of Brainiac. MXPX, they are a good example of the Christian band who just stopped saying Jesus two albums in and became more successful oh okay uh and still had some kind of jesus-y theme so yeah they were the like they were the like christian descendants or green day kind of like that was the sound right uh and then and then yeah and then a couple albums in they just kind of stopped they stopped with the christianity and became little you know maybe uh kind of lesser alterna rock radio uh the

song the song is called responsibility i just looked it up yes okay george went is in the video angry caddy king whoever the caddy boss george went is in the video as norm he's on cameo right now you can get a george went on cameo really um and his picture he's drinking a beer which like is that is he stuck with that his whole life he always has to be a guy drinking a beer yeah he gets to yeah that's true yeah i'm looking at it as a but our people are people in cameo are like people requesting cameos please my it's my wife's birthday can you please slam half a liter of beer i think it would be fun if people like got a cameo like can you be your character from the mxpx video spit out your cigar angrily right because these young kids are taking a joyride in the golf cart.

I never heard of them before, but now I'm going to seek it out. But only the Christian stuff. That's the one I'm most into. Right. Yeah. None of that secular shit for me. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, I got a puppy.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. It's pup week here at the Shumka house. Pup week. Oh, man. Tell us everything. All right. So, we have a nice dog.

Yeah, we had a dog who passed away in 2019. His name was Grandpa. And for a while, we were like like let's enjoy life without a dog and like not having to go for walks and pick up poo and stuff oh but that's the best part you started to miss the poo i miss them i mean the fresh air i could take a leave yeah but yeah it's funny we had uh like there's these green bags you buy to pick up dog poo you buy them at the pet store they're biodegradable and i was always like these aren't biodegradable they're plastic bags yes uh but then if you leave them in your winter coat for two winters without

owning a dog you pull them out and they're dust oh wow so it actually does yeah oh wow i didn't know that um anyway so a few months ago we decided we were going to get a new dog we started looking in a variety of places we were looking to get a rescue dog it's very also the pandemic has made it impossible to get a dog yeah that's true yeah right right right because so although i hear that like when people go back to work they're anticipating a lot of dogs to go going into the pound which oh that sucks which is a big bummer uh but from our searches there there was very little available for like we wanted a a small dog and. Like teeny tiny?

No, like, you know, less than 30 pounds. Okay. Yeah. Locally, small dogs are very hard to find at rescues. And when you can find them, they do not want to go to homes with children. Yes. So we looked around for that for a while. We tried everything i we um shot lady gaga's assistant and tried to steal her dog that was you that was me wow cool i'm

yeah that is no i was on with a celebrity ooh we returned them and then got a million dollars ransom or whatever the thing I loved about that coverage was always Lady Gaga's dog walker she doesn't have a name doesn't matter what the name is associated with famous pop star and then we so then we found this ad

for a guy who's who had puppies it was a medical miracle he's like i gotta get these out of here have you seen the movie junior okay it's kind of like that but instead of a human baby i had puppies i forgot that movie existed yeah beckwith arnold schwarzenegger did comedies broad comedies where he didn't do any action i mean and they were great and they were really good jingle all the way kindergarten cop

kindergarten cop has i guess a bit of action yeah yeah i mean didn't junior no junior didn't did twins man he's made a lot of comedies he's made a lot of straight up comedies wow kindergarten cop had a little action there was like a i think the idea is that he was going undercover in the kindergarten so i think there was some like cop cop violence i uh the bad guy from that movie i feel like the character's name was either clinton crisp or quinton crisp and he had a ponytail he had a ponytail yes and i walked into my bedroom a couple days ago and that actor was on the screen and i was like are you watching kindergarten cop and abby was like yeah but i was able to call it from him uh grandfather from the golf club every time we'd go visit him in victoria we'd watch kindergarten cop yeah that was great um so i uh oh my kids have that as well like when we go visit their grandparents

abby's parents they always want to watch uh spider-man uh into the spider-verse which is because they watched it once and then they just associate that with grandma and grandpa's house now yeah like they have netflix you can stream anything they only want to watch it at grandma's house exactly yeah um anyway so uh yeah we found this ad and they were uh this guy's dog had had a litter of chihuahua Boston Terrier crosses, which is what Grandpa was. Right. And Grandpa was three quarters Boston Terrier. These dogs were half and half.

So, Abby went out to meet him and like just to make sure it wasn't like a puppy mill or. Or just a photo of a puppy that they were selling him. Or a man in a puppy that they were selling um or a man or a man in a puppy suit take me home i'm your new dog clean up my poops it was very weird because we had to be like uh i abby felt weird going to a stranger strange man's house right yeah yeah and uh so i like pretend through all the texting i was like yeah and we'll be here and i'll i'm going to meet these dogs but it was just her uh just so we could trick him into not planning yeah yeah um anyway so it was very like he was very nice and apparently it was his ex-wife's uh chihuahua and his boston terrier they're divorced but the dogs are the dogs are okay and are they sharing

custody of these but no they're just giving the puppies away they're not yeah well yeah uh and so i uh yeah and so we waited weeks and weeks after we met them, and then we went this weekend and picked ours up. No name yet. Okay. The list is long. Do you have any suggestions? Grandma. Grandma's good.

Have you talked about it? It's a boy. It is a boy. His pronouns are he, him. It could be grandma still. How did you, can I ask, when you're seeing, when you're meeting a litter, how do you say this is the one we're, this is the one we're taking home? Um, the, uh, I wanted a boy because I am outnumbered in this house.

And frankly, we just need some big dick energy from this tiny little dog. Some BGE, some big dog energy. You need a guy to have a poker night with to watch the game. Yeah, to have a catch. Coloring. There were two dogs that were all brown and or like their heads were all brown and the Abby met them both and was like, I like this one. Yeah, just like that.

Yeah. Yeah. And so yeah, it's been a week of like trying to re puppy proof our lives and yeah, you got to take the stakes off of the floor. of like trying to re-puppy proof our lives and yeah you gotta take the stakes off of the floor but like last time we had puppy a puppy it was you know 2004 so different time like it

would eat an iPod Nano when this dog farts I hear the postal service the music that would be on an iPod Dan over there and the current dog when it farts I hear you know Jeremy Renner's jeep

we're going to cancel you being in another avengers project because this jeep thing's following you around for the rest of your career well i thought we could incorporate it i could be the farting superhero the farting singing superhero Singing superhero. So this dog is wonderful. It's transformed our lives. And it's full on like half an hour of insanity followed by a switch flips and then he crashes for an hour. Oh, nice. Have you put up pics yet?

Have you gone Insta official with the dog? Yes, we're officially on Insta. He is... I can't think of any funny Insta things. He's posting a lot of thirst traps. Yeah, true. Jordan, do you have an idea for a name off the cuff you said grandma that was that was a good thank you thank you but maybe a little bit painful i realize now so i'm sorry for suggesting it um uh yeah so i mean i think the only what do

i know about him boy boy brown Would you like to see a pic? Yeah, show a pic. Yeah. Okay. Go to Instagram.com. Hold on. I have to open my browser. So, we know brown with brown.

Brown with spots. Brown with spot on head, right? Brown with just a little bit of white on his chest. A little bit of white on the chest. And that he has bursts of energy followed by inactivity right so who does that describe jeremy renner there we go this is uh oh boy get out of town oh my gosh that's like a stock photo of a puppy that's how cute it is.

And he's cute. And I'm realizing like, we're going to have to like, you know, our kids know a bit about where babies come from, but when this dog starts humping stuff, they're going to get that special hug we've sold them about. I guess. dogs can do it too have okay the first thing that came to mind was cinnamon roll or cinnamon bun how do you feel about those it's good it's a bit um syllabally i don't care what about sun uh uh cinnabin

cinna what is that cinnabon cinnabon yeah i know that you mean you love airport restaurants having been inside of chili stew oh what what smells better than a cinnabon nothing that's right yeah um graham any any ideas um i don't know you guys have such a long list already i don't know i don't know how to add you probably already have it you know what i mean yeah we probably already have it okay i'll announce I mean? Yeah, we probably already have it. Okay, I'll announce it next time if we have it. It took us a long time to name Grandpa. What have you been kicking around?

I don't have the full... I don't have the list in front of me. A lot of... Like... There's a list we have, and some of them are suggested by the kids my favorite of the kids suggestions is big bean big beans yeah big beans pretty good big bean is great what about just bean is bean does bean work yeah bean works uh ideally like we remember this from like dog training last time was the dogs dogs don't

like one syllable names like they okay they have a little trouble with that okay i've got one so two two is optimal go great um you know the in star wars and the cantina band there's like a blue elephant guy that plays a keyboard you know what i'm talking about uh my brother's friend always called him wicked a blue elephante and that's what I think you should name your dog. Wicked A Blue Elefante? I think his actual canonical name is Max Rebo. Yes, it is Max Rebo. From the Modal Nodes?

Yes. Yes. Is that not the name of the band? That's funny. I know the name of the guy, but not the name of the band. I'm not trying to like... Dave, you're a dork. You know the Star Wars thing? Figrin Dan name of the band i'm not trying to like uh dave you're a dork you know the star wars thing big rin dan and the modal nodes ah is that really what it's named

yeah i just thought it was the cantina band yeah you would you would call it that wouldn't you yeah i think there's like with star wars shit there's like what they say it is in the movie and then there's like if you bought a book later you know the action yeah right yes or if you played a specific super nintendo game yeah you know that's then i think that's how that's how the star wars people yeah i played the cantina band game on super nintendo yeah oh what's it like to be in the cantina Whoa, look at all the action happening around you. Just play your space flute. Yeah, keep playing. Stop when

something happens and then start playing to symbolize everything is back to normal. Boy, I could not. I know if I heard the song, I would be able to recognize it, but in my mind, I just want to say, that's not it. No, that's popcorn, isn't it? Yeah.

How does it go now that's pretty good it's a pretty good song yeah we're at a great song we're at full puppy mode uh but i'm loving it Good read Good read on that Oh I remember a couple other names Corn Cob Chicken Bone Ham Bone Corn Cob's pretty good

Yeah Mr. Corn Cob Mr. Corn Cob Was my father's name call me beans anyway we'll have a we'll have an answer in a few short weeks okay anyway that's exciting as i said new member to the family yeah but i'm loving it what's going on with you um not too much i didn't buy a puppy or anything that's you you've achieved the top well we bought a zoo and all they had left was a puppy you got a puppy all that's happened to me in the last week is i saw one not one but two women on unicycles on different days so they weren't together they weren't the same woman they weren't the same woman i absolutely remember the first and the second one was not her.

And like, I've gone my whole life, not just my adult life, entire life without seeing a woman on a unicycle. What? Yeah. I've never, it's something I associate very much with a man, probably lonely man, a lonely man. No, a man who's fighting off chicks. I need somebody to get away from these chicks.

We're always chasing me um have you guys ever seen i do so at at my my college so my college that i went to uc santa cruz was very hippie barefoot hacky sack and there were multiple unicycle guys uh and you're right but i guess they were all men now that i uh now that i think about it yeah it was just something that really like hit me in a weird way that i've just never seen that before and you know this lady's probably shattering the glass ceiling of a unicycling glass big toffee yeah thank you um so yeah that was like it's not to say that they shouldn't be unicycling okay no one applied that you thought they should oh boy i forgot this was a conservative talk podcast you're gonna hear some unicycle inherently masculine the bible says that oh boy um what uh did you what's preventing you from riding a unicycle me uh balance balance and uh

coordination and lack of a unicycle yeah and um but that's it i think i would like could you can you rent can you rent one i don't think try it out yeah just try it out maybe um i don't know i feel like it would be really good for your core yeah great for the core and good for the old wallet why because you can busk wherever you want yeah just throw down a hat yeah like i couldn't juggle before i got this um you neither of you have been on a unicycle right no i never have it's the kind of thing that like yeah i would like to have access to one for a day to see see if i could yeah is there a training unicycle is there a unicycle with training wheels yeah that's maybe i'm just

describing a bike but it's unicycle with like one extra wheel so you can like keep stable do you learn do you yeah do you have like ski poles to um yeah right then then you slowly add devil sticks then you know you're a real boy look at me asshole yeah um i had in my, just like my, you know, neighborhood eccentrics that I saw, you know, in quarantine while I was like just going on my little walks was there was a juggling hunk. There was a shirtless man who looked fucking great juggling in his yard. Most times that I walked past, was always uh uh impressive and there was a bagpipe babe there was a babe who uh who kind of had a like laura dern from jurassic park aesthetic okay and she would stand in a median like a median to a pretty busy street and just stand on a pile of triceratops dung

right and she would just fucking wail on a bagpipe it was uh amazing that's another thing i've never seen a woman work about yeah that is a weird one where like i i if i can't specifically remember a woman on a unicycle but i i, I don't, it doesn't stand out like something I've never seen, but I've never seen a female bagpipist. Yeah. Bagpipist. When you see a unicyclist, there's like,

they, they're going as fast as a bike. Am I wrong about that? Or is it a lot slower? That's just trying not to fall. Yeah. That seems like what you're doing most of the time. They're just falling sideways.

Right. You just have to get home before you fall. That's the secret to unicycling. Yeah. Anyway, so I saw that. That blew my mind. Also, this week, somebody tweeted at me that she was having an argument with her friends, and her friends were telling her that Canada doesn't have forks, that we don't have forks in Canada.

And she was so almost convinced that she decided to send me a message and say, I know this is stupid thing to ask, but you guys have forks. You're the only Canadian I have access to. Uh, but that's, that's weird,

right? Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah. Where does that come from from i don't know in that uh green day song when he says another turning point a fork stuck in the road we're like what are you talking about yeah right a what stuck in the what you don't have roads either yeah i saw this unicycle just on a dusty trail. Yeah. So, yeah, Graham, you're here to confirm that we have forks? We have forks.

I don't want to hear any more questions about it. I want to hear anybody saying we don't have forks. Yeah, we have one big spoon that we all share. Yeah, we wear tea kettles on our feet and you guys are fun up there and we have women who ride unicycles what else do you need in the country i my favorite uh i've told this before but comedians when they come to canada will often be like hey do you have chilies here i have a joke about chilis or like some american thing they'll ask whatever local is opening for them yeah that's right do you guys have matthew perry up here yeah he's from here actually keith morrison's stepson uh is that true yeah it's true wow uh but they my favorite was a comedian asking me, do you say gingivitis here?

We say gonjivitis because up here it's caused by smoking too much pot. Or at least that's the theory that we're working on. Gonjivitis. Yeah. But like, Jordan, is there anything that you think Canadians do that you're like, we totally obviously don't. think canadians do that you're like that we totally obviously don't but is there like something where you have this well i mean i learned that i would assume you guys were just fucking taking awesome blossoms to the dome yeah on it on the daily but you're not no no true um yeah let's see. What do I often wonder about comedians?

And this is something we don't usually ask guests. Yeah, that's true. We're really putting you on the spot. No, but I imagine this is part of the fun of remote recording. I know you guys usually do the show together, so now that you're doing remote guests, you might as well get a little international flavor in there. And you're from Spain.

Yeah. Si. national flavoring yeah and you're from spain see oh i i thought graham told me we had booked charo oh no you know our email addresses are one letter off so i will sometimes get booking requests for charo and she for me yeah that's we're equally in demand i would say she's also working on a graphic novel and right yeah it's a bit it's a bit more crazy than yours but uh well done it's well done yeah i think i like what i like um you know i will i will wonder if you guys have like gotten tv shows yet yeah our tv we haven't we haven't gotten any none of them huh yeah like soon you'll get the honeymoon oh boy yeah we gotta go in order we have to start way at the back of work our way tv show no that is true like it's less and less true with like streaming and stuff but

right and hbo wasn't a thing until you you know, like 10 years ago. Okay. And so, we'd be like, yeah, we're getting The Sopranos. It's on a network, so they've cut out all the swears. Right. It's three years later. They never go to the bottom. Yeah.

There's commercial breaks. Yeah. Oh, that's funny. You guys got an edited Sopranos. I don't know if we did. I never... We definitely got one with commercial breaks. Okay. I don't know if it was edited because Canada's pretty cool after the watershed hour. Yeah, that's true.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. That's when shit gets crazy. Yeah. It's the nude Sopranos. They had a version of that. It's only... It's just about the bada bing.

About the day-to-day operations of the bada bing. That'd be a good spinoff, you know? That'd be good. Yeah! Add the bing about the day-to-day operations of the bada bing that'd be a good spin-off you know that'd be good yeah add the bing you could have chandler bing in it i mean i don't know if they're allowed to take characters from one show put them in the other yeah morrison's is step uncle could you be any more nude that's what he says to all the women there That's the t-shirt right there Yeah For some reason Gunther's pouring beers behind the bar Yeah the whole gang From Central Perk

Just moved to New Jersey Get a job at a mobbed up strip club Should we move on to overheard? Please Here we go Should we move on to overheard? Please. Here we go. From the internationally acclaimed creators of Who Shot Ya? Comes the movie podcast Maximum Film.

Starring producer and film festival programmer Drea Clark as a woman bound by passion. I saw this eight months ago on the festival circuit. And I loved it. Film critic Alonzo Duralde as a man corrupted by greed. I saw this eight months ago on the festival circuit and I loved it. Why watch one Hallmark Christmas movie when I can watch seven? I think Pacific Rim is a perfect movie. And if you can't accept that, then I want you out of my life! From the makers of the movie podcast, Who Shot Ya? comes Maximum Film. That's right. We changed the name of our show

to Maximum Film. But don't worry, we're still a movie review show that isn't just a bunch of straight white dudes. So tune in to Maximum Film at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where uh boy oh boy if you're if you've been blessed with the ability to hear things or see things or you know what even smell things if you've got something

funny that you smell and you think that did you smell something weird last night graham did i smell something weird yeah no oh it stunk around here there was a lot of cops uh at one intersection so maybe it was that maybe some no i don't know i did this guy looked like um uh the guy from the hurt locker was driving around it's cheap no it really did stink and i was like did a rat die in our like uh whatever air intake of the house any any ideas no i never figured it out and it went away but i was like and it was it it was we you know it's pretty warm here so we had windows open so i couldn't tell if it was an inside thing or an outside job yeah the thing that's happened here thanks to the heat is everybody has their windows open so i know

what television shows everybody in the building are currently watching great downstairs i think they're watching the wire oh cool that's a fun uh pandemic binge yeah um because there's a a strain of uh heroin that they're selling called pandemic nice that's a fun little connection oh the wire predicted it yeah uh jordan do you have an overheard you haven't overheard i haven't overseen and this is um this i'm listen i'm stretching a little bit with, but I think it's pretty funny and I think we'll all enjoy it. So please forgive the fact that it's maybe not quite on assignment. Yeah. Mine isn't either.

Don't worry about it. Thank you. I appreciate that. Um, so something I have gotten really into speaking of TV shows we like, I, I watch so much family feud now. Oh, wow. I, um, I got the, there there's a there's a game show network out here that just starts playing it at 9 p.m and then just plays it until i fall asleep

and then they say is he out okay all right and then they can play classic concentration we can all take our clothes off and then steve harvey covers me up and gives me a little kiss on my forehead and says, I'm growing up so fast. Um, uh, yeah. So I like love family feud. I love the, like Steve Harvey specifically the Steve Harvey hosted family feud.

It's just like, I can watch it for hours. I like laugh at all of his like takes and goofs and stuff. It's just my favorite. Yeah. But something that is happening is the people who write the answers are trying to be funny

when that reveal happens. Right. When the card flips over. And I'll be this guy. Do you guys have Family Feud? We do, but we also have Family Feud Canada for some reason.

Yes, we do. Is that better or worse? I've never watched it, but it's hosted by Jerry D. I've never watched either, but it's confusing that it exists. Yeah. Because we do. Because we have that. Yeah, there's not an embargo on American.

Yeah, we have the C. Harvey one. We've had every one ever. We've had the Richard Carr andarn the john o'hurley the ray coons the uh louis armstrong what makes a wonderful world they have this question every episode show me trees of green good answer

uh so you're watching family but there's someone who was the first person who said good answer and it just stuck and it's just like it's not even that catchy a thing to say, but, but do you remember at the old, I only recently saw a clip of it online where they introduced the families and they were doing a tableau. The like scene would, they'd reveal them all doing like sitting funny or like crazy hats or whatever.

They don't do that anymore. And you know what? I miss that. Yeah. I haven't watched it in a while. I'm, I'm i mean i i know the idea of i've seen a little like little clips of it and i'm very uh excited to see what what jordan's got for us yes yes so you know a big part of the steve harvey family feud is kind of leaning into the fact that people will give naughty answers so you know and so when the card flips over sometimes

whoever writes what that's on that card will like take a shot at being a little ribald um uh so the other day the question was something like a place you would never want to get stung by a bee and the you know obviously the first ring in someone says but yeah um and then steve harvey goes wow he just like walks over and leans on the stand yeah he takes 10 minutes to mug to the audience and then the card flips over and it says but slash burrito blaster and it's up there for a fraction of a second um and now that's what i'm calling my butt yeah burrito blaster and then someone else said boobs and it said uh boobs slash dirty danglers okay so that happened on another episode their boobs it was boobs slash and i it's not even fun for me to say boobs slash glands of milk and honey

i didn't realize the writers were being that they were silly yeah it's kind of a new thing i think and it doesn't happen every time so when it does happen it's kind of a new thing, I think, and it doesn't happen every time. So when it does happen, it's shocking. Is it? So as someone who is familiar with the fact that Steve Harvey does these mugging things when he mugs someone, steals their purse, he mugs for the camera. Does that happen every episode? Does it happen multiple times an episode every round yeah i mean they they are really leaning on it um to the point where it does seem to be the questions are kind of written to get that right um so yeah i would say he acts as though he can't

possibly see that coming from these leading questions yeah Yes. Right. Name something you pee out of. Yeah. That round mass that's down your back and connected to your legs. I don't know what you're talking about. My hunch? So, yeah. But yes, but he, but yeah, I would say a couple times an episode.

Oh, God. You get that. And honestly, it works on me every a couple times an episode. Okay. You get that. And honestly, it works on me every time. I love it. I just love, I love it. You can't be mad at it. No. Dave, do you have an overheard?

Yeah, mine's an overseen as well. This is, I hope I haven't used this on the show before. I didn't have one this week, so I kind of went through pictures on my phone to see what I had noticed. Uh, and this is from a few weeks ago, but I, uh, was,

was driving home from a grocery store. And I, I guess I was in a neighborhood where there used to be a bench. Oh, nice. So there was a large sign, uh, black and white paint on cardboard.

And it said, the bench thief has inadvertently brought social contact closer. Where is your morality? Whoa. Wow. That's very serious. Yeah. Like, was it a public bench or a private bench why did it might have been like a private bench that like an apartment building had on their boulevard the bench thief sounds like

something that would be on hbo canada yes yeah yeah yes it got a government grant it's actually quite beautiful yeah it's yeah it's the dramatic turn from one of the trailer park boys yeah i mean if you can get over the uh marionettes through 80 of it it's actually really good mostly marionettes um well that's good that was yeah you didn't have one you had one i I had, Oh, I, as long as I got my phone, you know, how about you? Um, this is a, an overseen cause I,

yeah, I had nothing, but, uh, my brother has a son. Uh, that's a one year old. You have a nephew.

I have a nephew as well. It's my first nephew of, uh, ever, ever. And so there's a lot of tension on him which is great he's showered with gifts and love constantly he's the only grandson he's the only grandson so this is like he's he's uh he's really lucky lucky kid but uh my brother was he sent a video of it this

morning that he has taught him he like hold sunglasses on his face, lower the sunglasses and go to shade tip. Wow. Yeah. He, he can't quite whistle. So it's kind of like, but man,

oh man, is it funny? What a great trick to teach a kid. Yeah. Now, when is he doing that? Like when he like sees a birthday cake or something? Yeah, that's the birthday cake, a dinosaur, a dump truck.

Any little kid thing. Yeah. But it's on the poster of License to Drive. That was where I remembered. Oh, sure. My brother had a Huey Lewis in the news poster where he was doing that as well and so there's a photo of me as like a four-year-old doing it yeah with past guest jason bryden nice i um yeah the uh i'm trying to think of another one where it's lowering the glass it'll

come back to me but um yeah i think that's cool he's learned the best thing he'll come back to me. But yeah, I think that's cool. He's learned the best thing. He's not going to be able to. Yeah. That. So he's, he's a year old now. Yeah. They have a name for him yet.

They're going with grandma. We could, a blue elephant. There's going to call him blue. No, we also have overheards sent in from people all over the place if you want to send one into us it's at spy at maximum fun.org and uh this first one comes from annie uh parts unknown have no idea where she's from

uh oh that's not true she was visiting a small town in west texas ah yeah was it el paso yeah i think it was el paso okay um i just saw a bit of graffiti in a small town in west texas i was paint it was painted on the back of a pink and white striped building and it said fart fort no girls spelled the u allowed U, allowed. Wow. I would be more on board with just general graffiti if it was always funny, if there was always kind of an attempt at a gag. Yeah. Instead of just a name, you know what I mean? Just like

a real, there's a bus bench in my neighborhood that just, it's got like eyes kind of looking one direction and a smile and it said have a nice day you idiot i mean i think that's all graffiti is is what gags yeah or are people doing other kinds of graffiti yeah they're just doing like their name or tags tags you know there's a guy there's a there's an la graffiti guy who just writes borat on everything nice i really enjoy that we had one who wrote john cusack on everything for

a while okay yeah um yeah and i mean that one that was going around for a while but i don't think it was one person it was was toy story 2 is okay yeah these are great yeah these are great yeah you know what the more i think about, the less of a problem it is. I think that's a Dimitri Martin bit. Is it? That came to life. Yeah. I do think it is like, I do think we do need to address the fact that, you know, whoever

did this graffiti has such a retrograde attitude about gender that they're not allowing girls and women to come into the fart fort. That's right. Yeah. This is a very- I think as we're learning on this episode is that you know there's a lot of traditionally male activities bagpipes uh-huh um which is like a fart as a music instrument yeah that's true also hosting family feud yeah but no woman has done that yet that could be the twist we should pitch that to the cbc

but no woman has done that yet that could be the twist we should pitch that to the cbc be the first family feud well but like women have never been in families that's true families are very male traditionally um this next one comes from darren parts unknown for real this time my partner and i were out for a walk when a young girl about 10 or 12 years old was riding her electric scooter towards us as she passed by behind us we heard her yell i'm probably going to die on this remember how i was wow that's how you go out yeah that's right don't remember me as i am now remember me as i was not in the end all you know is about this all you know me from is the yelling from the scooter learn about my life and then remember me like that do you you have those uh rentable electric scooters in los angeles have

you ever used them no i have not used them um it feels dangerous and dorky yeah so i'm afraid of it in two ways is it as you know it's a safety for safety reasons and just for like self-image reasons yes yeah you gotta be conscious about it i i'm more afraid of the danger although if someone took a picture of me on one i would be mortified yeah i maybe they're maybe they're great i'm probably being too i'm probably being too hard on the scooters they're probably um good i don't know no you don't have to you don't have to apologize to whatever they're called lime or nest or bird yeah um but there's still the thing right i know in calgary they were

thinking a lot of them ended up in the river yeah there's definitely the thing right i know in calgary they were thinking a lot of them ended up in the river yeah there's definitely a like a backlash against them there was a lot of like instagram videos of them getting like burned or like thrown off a pier yeah cool yeah because there's like no uh if you find one you can just check if you don't like haven't registered to rent it you can just kill it yeah yeah they're pretty easy to just throw off a pier apparently and there's a pier on every corner yes los angeles the land of a thousand piers there was a somebody who wrote for vice did an article about the people that collect them and power them back up they get paid by the company yeah for everyone that they power up and uh so but the longer that one's been out of circulation the more money you

get for it when it's discovered so a lot of people are hoarding these uh scooters and just waiting until the price goes up and then charges wow and turns it back it's created jobs guys yeah there you go yeah you will see like people with like a you know a flatbed truck just full of those things driving around and yeah i guess it's that profession how dorky does that guy look right no that guy looks cool the scooters are riding him yeah exactly uh this last one comes from jason in ag B.C. This is also of the kids say the darndest variety. It was getting later into the evening. This is a camping trip at Nelson, B.C.

My eight-year-old nephew was in his tent getting ready for bed. His mom and dad were talking at the campsite about how he needed to brush his teeth. So it was established that the dad would go and talk to him. Dad went into the tent and after a few moments came back looking defeated. The mom said, so did he brush his teeth and the dad replies no he said my body my choice yeah i never thought to pull that card on the whole toothbrush enterprise i mean okay the way this conversation would go with the child is like okay well then you if you get a cavity then you have to pay for it and then the child would say my body my choice i'm not going to the fucking dentist yeah it's pretty ironclad yeah i don't know where you go from there i'm not i mean i'm not a parent

but um it really is like if you'd never go to the dentist you never know if you ever have a cavity it's true yeah oh that's what I should have talked about this week. A piece of my tooth fell out this morning. Oh, no. So I'm back on the dentist track. Is that the same one from a couple weeks ago? No, new one. Brand new.

That's fascinating. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us. Our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod one graham i recommend vitamins we're failing that guinness these are uh these are bad dental work that is uh crumbling apart uh do you swallow it yeah i swallowed it okay yeah i'm a man i can swallow it too and does laura durden come over and take it out of your poop whale on the bagpipes she can do it all here's the phone call one hi spy pod crew this is robin calling in from vancouver with an overheard i was biking along

the seawall at the olympic village, and I passed by a fire juggler. He was trying to get a crowd around him by roasting people that were walking by. And a guy went by on a skateboard, and the juggler shouted out over his microphone, Hey, look at this guy. The 90s called. They want their hobby back. All right, off I go. To a skateboarder.

Yeah, right. Their hobby. hobby back all right off i go to a skateboarder yeah right but like their their hobby but aren't they cool now skateboarding is still cool right i think skateboarding is still cool i think the guy fire juggling yeah needs to slow his roll right i like that that's the way that you have to establish a crowd in busking. You insult people and they're like, why I ought to. Yeah. Is busking a word in America? We were wondering this last week.

Yes, we busk. We busk. Yes, many buskers. I think the bagpipe woman was probably busking. Yeah. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. Although she was in a hard to reach area.

So I think it would have been hard to give her money. She's the alternative busker. She's like, I'll go to inaccessible placesible places right you have to really want to give me that dollar and of course busker poindexter right uh what's uh it would sing hot hot hot in the new york dolls he would be in uh scrooged yeah he was one of the ghosts in Scrooged And here we go Hey Dave, Graham and guests This is Miranda from California With the kids say the darndest

I was just in the grocery store Behind mom and her two little boys Not older than like second grade And the older one turns to the slightly younger one and says hey what's seven minus seven i bet you don't know i bet you don't know and he's like um zero and he's like no stupid i said eight minus seven is one uh that's it bye guys that would be mean if a teacher did that to you. Stupid. Yes, stupid idiot. I said 8 minus 7.

I said, what's the capital of France? You said zero? It's Cairo. Dummy. Pretty good. That's pretty good. Yeah. Again, these kids are really like finding loopholes. Yeah, math is like jazz.

You got to answer the calculations I didn't say. That's right. Yes. Here's your final one. Hi, Dave, Graham, and the possible guests. This is Olivia from Los Angeles. I was just driving home from the grocery store, and I was behind a Tesla SUV that had a bumper sticker that said honk if you don't exist wow okay bye yeah if i honk then if i honk in the woods does anybody hear oh sure

that does sound you know like i'm like okay well that's just kind of a that's kind of like a corny you know like joke that like your science teacher would make yeah but then hearing that it was on a tesla made me think i'm like oh is this guy just like an elon musk fan yeah this is a meme yeah is this some like dmt induced deep thought you know like what if i don't exist am i just someone else's dream like yeah yeah exactly what am i outside or i'm inside and i just i don't know which is what you know right yes exactly um money only has value because we say it does it's true time was invented by man i love the idea that yeah people say money doesn't exist but if we went and said okay no more

money exists somebody would be like yeah but what about this money i have and then everybody'd be like i want it give me yeah i need it um do you remember that uh canadian rapper jelly stone yes what's this song we got jelly song his song was money don't buy me happiness but i'm happiest when i can buy what i want anytime that i won't get how what i want it's a good jam look joan you gotta come up to canada we got all sorts of i gotta see this jelly i gotta see this jelly rapper i gotta see these unicycling women and i believe in the video he's the song about money he's driving around in a convertible volvo nice so when you have all the money in the world when you have that uh yeah yeah massive rap wealth so uh that brings us to the end of the episode jordan i'm only halfway through the uh

graphic novel but i love it. Oh, thank you. Jordan was sent over, what do you call it? A galley? Yeah, there are press versions out for press, which Graham is and you are not. Does it say not for resale? It has, what do you call it? Not an ink spot, but... Yeah, watermark.

And it says, do not eat. Like those little ink spot, but Yeah, watermark. And it says do not eat. Like those little packets you get in a pair of shoes. And people can order it in advance. Where do they go if they want to? Yeah, so you can pre-order in advance. We would love it if you would do that. Apparently

it really helps. It helps books and it helps publishers decide on whether or not they want sequels. Nice. So yeah yeah you can basically do that wherever you get your books um uh amazon barnes and noble but would love it if you'd call your local indie bookshop um they'll pre-order it up for you and uh if you upload the receipt uh you will get a special print at home mini comic that's done in the style of a zine and a mini episode of the podcast with uh with a lot of the voice cast in it so and yeah and that will not be available to anyone else so if you pre-order it there's some goodies involved and uh we hope you like it yeah

so you print out the zine you you print out the podcast uh you you can you could print it you could play it on uh Winamp and then print out the screen. And then you can eat that. That you can eat. Okay. I'm in. Me too. Dave, we don't have anything to plug, do we? No. Well, you know what? Stay

tuned. Next week, Dave's puppy might have a name. Exactly. Leave them wanting more. That's show business. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Jordan, for being our guest. Thank you, people out there, for listening. Thanks for always listening and being such a great audience.

We hope that you're taking care of yourself, taking care of those around you. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.