Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 720 - Kelli Ogmundson

Episode Date: January 4, 2022

Actress Kelli Ogmundson returns to talk drivers licenses, snow, and Love Actually.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 720 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who can't down the Ferrero Rocher fast enough, Mr. Dave Shubka. Oh, we're recording this three days after Christmas? Yeah. And I'm just loving the vibes. And I'm just loving the vibes.

And I love my Christmas chocolates, my turtles, and my Ferrero Rochers. Yeah. Are turtles international or is that just a Canadian? Well, I go to Turtles International for all of my, you know, turtlenecks. Other, you know, shell back, my tortoise shell glasses. Yes shell glasses yes yes yes shell back something or other yeah shell turtle wax etc back a name of a band yeah yeah and they got that name by giving people their shells back when they were a partner stand shell back is a swedish record producer nice nice okay our guest today uh returning guest to the podcast always such a joy to have her she is one of the stars of a show called family law up here

in canada it's kelly augmanson hi hi thanks for having me back i'm not the star of that show i need i heard they were originally going to call it Kelly. It's called Kelly, the secretary. Oh, I love the idea of a show where all the legal stuff happens off camera. Yeah. And it's just,

Oh, what's the drama going on in her life? Yeah. Now I used to, my summer job through college was I worked at a law firm and the secretaries were, they all had to like, uh, they had these pedals under their table. Cause the lawyers would like read or like recite things that had to be copied down. And so the, uh, their secretaries would like be typing down what they had recorded, but they would be able to stop the tape with these pedals under their table. Oh, cool.

Ooh. Anyway, any of that? None of that. Maybe you wanted some research for your role. You play a legal secretary? No, just a secretary. Just a secretary? Just Nina at reception.

And because of my height and the height of the desk that my character sits in, I was constantly on this like, you know, those little computer chairs that go up? Yeah. I was always up. So my little legs were just dangling. Just like a little kid. Like a little kid. Like a blank secretary. My computer chair just went up.

Nice. Nice. Do you feel like. Sitting on a regular kitchen chair. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, just hearing that story, my computer chair just went up nice nice do you feel like sitting on a regular kitchen chair yeah yeah i mean just hearing that story my computer chair went up should we get to know us yes yes kelly hi it has been a time since we had you on the podcast. Oh, my God.

So much has changed. Yes. Well, tell us. Tell you about all the changes that have gone on. I was thinking about this because the last time I was on was like mid-2019. And in that time, I've gotten my driver's license. Oh, just like Olivia Rodrigo. Just like Olivia Rodrigo, except I am 10 years older than olivia rodrigo

good for you i oh that's fantastic yeah i learned how to drive for 10 years and then i finally was like okay i could go take my test now oh you had oh did you have your l for 10 my l for 10 years yeah okay and then what does that entitle you to nothing it entitles you to nothing uh you can you can't drive you can drive with a driving instructor and then at certain times of day um but the witching hour the witching hour dawn dusk no it was the magic hours yes the quickening yeah high noon uh yeah yeah but that that was a big step for me because i was i was just so scared and you know what still i'm kind of scared when i drive every time yeah yeah and which i think everybody should be i think if you get too comfortable out there that's when

you start slipping up so you should always think yeah it's terrifying a little i'm uh uh we had a big snowstorm here and the roads are still super snowy and not enough. People are scared. Yeah. People here. Cause we don't have, uh, nobody has snow tires here.

So a lot of people, yeah, pretty confident. Uh, but, uh, did you have to take your, you,

you didn't have to take it during any inclement weather. No, I think it was raining. I actually got it two years ago now okay yeah and what tell us did you have to take lessons right before i did um so i was doing a play at the time and i realized i hated my um life travel oh correct oh okay that as well not it was not a shiny moment 2019 in kelly's life but i hated my travel to and from the theater and right my parents were like we already scheduled you this test it's what we gave you for your birthday it was it was the day of my birthday and they were like we've already scheduled this for you

so you have to go so you might as well get some practice in so i did a little practice with my dad he left the car with me and my friend who was in the show drove with me to and from the theater so that like she got a little ride out of it i got some practice and then i failed the test and then i was like pissed because i did a really good job and i have no idea why i failed so i didn't tell you they were like they said i was too cautious oh and that doesn't fit in around here i guess i guess and so that was annoying to me and so i went back two weeks later and i sat there at the dmv for uh eight hours and then uh they were like okay yeah we have like a free space so i went in and i got it you're like someone who's auditioning for a role i know i

didn't book a book of an appointment but you have to see me today. And I've done that before, too. I've just got to be in front of Mr. DeVille. Mr. Big Car. Mr. Coop DeVille. Did you, because I gather here, unlike my home of Alberta, that you have to bring your own car to be tested in yes which to me sounds crazy because how do you get it down there to be how did i get oh yeah i remember with a friend or yeah my friend who lived by me i who has her driver's license i was like can you

please just like drive next like sit in my passenger seat and i'll pay for your uber back and if i and if i don't pass i'll just have to find a parking spot and then come get it another time fair enough that's not a bad plan um do you how is your parallel parking it's not bad yeah it's not atrocious mine is atrocious i'll try sometimes three or four times to get it right then i'll just drive to a spot that's bigger and park there that seems to be my i'm good with no one around yeah yes if somebody's watching then panic mode right yeah oh there's a yeah oh there's a parking spot right by this patio of supermodels well i can't parking spot right by this patio of supermodels well i can't i can't parallel park there not in front of the supermodels yeah yeah i'm going to george michael's diner

my car is too funky for here i'm wearing that weird uh like motorcycle costume um yeah i had a couple of weeks ago i was like trying to park on a residential street the kind where you can't drive two people yeah one person has to pull over so this person was waiting for me to do it forever and then i just threw it in reverse and drove all the way back down the block and graham has his license i have my license that's right um getting your license in alberta is so easy compared to here so you should you should have gone to alberta and then just then they just switch it over they don't make you do a retest or anything yeah i know what is um uh so you they just have cars there that you you don't have to bring your own car they have like the test car yeah yeah so you

just go you book an appointment you drive around in the test car i think i'm assuming it's a camry it's probably a camry and they've got uh they've got a break on their side in case in case things get uh out of control but i failed my first time because she tricked me my driver's instructor she said listen to everything i do, do everything I say. And then I said, yes, master. And I put on my leather mask. And she said, park in front of this car. And then I did because she said to.

And then she said, you failed because you parked in front of a driveway. And I was like, you tricked me though. You told me to do everything that you said. Listen not to what I don't say. That's crazy because the guy who was my driving test man said, I promise I'm not going to say anything to trick you. I wonder if this happened before.

I mean, it has. Maybe that's the common trick. Maybe that's hack in the driver instructor world. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. That trick. Do you have a vehicle now that you can drive around? I do, yeah.

And I've had to use it for work a lot. So that has come in handy. When I was working on Family Law, I filmed in Langley, so I had to do a lot of driving out to Langley. Do you have to drive your castmates out there? Yeah. I'm a driver now, actually. Receptionist driver yeah victor garber you are in many oscar-nominated movies you want to get in my yaris and come with me is victor garber on it yeah he's like victor garber from argo

yeah from argo wow argo's victor vict Victor Borga. That, that, that's, I feel like there's a fun tongue twister in there. Argo's Victor Garbo. Yeah. Garber. I met Greta Garbo at Victor Garbo. Argo after party. Um,

well that, yeah, I having like, did you have to, it was this a car that was handed off to you you have to purchase this car what are you leasing what are you doing yeah it was uh it's a i purchased it half of it and i'm paying off of the rest of it nice yes is it like new it's newer i mean it's a it's in the late 20 teens uh that's great yeah yeah yeah just like olivia rodrigo

i'd call her a late 20s teens yeah yeah holy cow man oh man did that album that was easily that wrecked you right that album destroyed you man oh man every song more emotional than the last i for my birthday this year my friends got me the sour uh album on vinyl nice nice yeah and a taylor swift uh sweater so i've um really uh resorted back to teenage years yeah it was like oh you've matured but wait a minute but wait a minute i've immatured because oh boy i, I needed the comfort. I'm afraid the doctor's tests have come back and you're immature. You're going backwards in time.

Benjamin Buttoning, but on the maturity level. Yeah. You're like that movie Jack with Rob Williams. What was his problem? Oh, he just got big too fast. Right. He became a man, but he was a boy. Yeah. Yeah.

He body swapped with Robin Williams man but he was a boy yeah yeah he body swapped with robin williams but there was no reverse like there wasn't some kid walking around with a bunch of responsibilities and doing all these impressions and stuff yeah yeah some questionable impressions uh he really he wouldn't have been able would he be uh like an alt-right comedian if he was around today wow i don't think we're ready to talk about that a big question it is a big question i want everybody to sit with it and uh we'll we'll be back here in six months and see how everybody feels look i'm asking the questions that everybody's just thinking you know would rob i didn't think i didn't consider that

i mean think of all he did for the homeless with uh you know whatever the just the comedy thing was yeah yeah oh comic relief yeah oh yeah a legendary trio now whoopi uh she's not all right no no yeah see we know i think if we ranked the the uh uh comic relief trio on the political scale of what we think they would be now yeah they were all alive whoopi's the furthest left yeah yeah i think so the view has proven that yeah and she's next to a bunch of like all right people on that yeah joy behar yeah big time uh i don't know about billy crystal no i don't know about billy crystal either but centrist yeah that makes sense yeah and that leads right around i don't know how alt he would be um yeah i think well i don't know like i just try and think sometimes like what if

like if elvis presley was alive right now would he be like a famous country star or would he be he'd like a famous country star or would he be, he'd be a famous, like a hundred year old. Betty white and Elvis Presley. He really, the unkillable man, Elvis Presley. Um,

yeah. Do you ever wonder that? Like, what if like a, one of your favorite artists were around today? Do you feel like what would they be doing? Would they be able to make an impact? That kind of thing?

Because times change, you know what I mean? What do you think, Kelly? Oh, you mean as a young person? Yes, as a young person. If Elvis was born and raised in this era, what would they be like? Because I was like, yeah, a lot of my favorite artists are still alive. And no, they're not making an impact because no one wants to hear a 75

year old make music. A 75 year old billionaire. Do you think Elvis would be like dancing on TikTok creating like hip dancey trends. Yes. That was his thing, his little pelvis.

And that's popular on TikTok. Yeah. I got really on that app over the last couple of years. Yeah. What's your go-to? Tiny pelvises, right? Yeah. It's just people.

And just the bone. They're like, this is the anatomy. This is how it works. This is why your hips hurt all the time, actually, Kelly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your go-to on TikTok? What are the streams you're involved in? Well, the things that just keep popping up on my For You page,

they really range from people just opening up Advent calendars of different varieties and cats and information on, I don't know, gender studies. Those are pretty useful categories. Yeah, I know that there's some insane stuff

on there and some bad people and some I don't know, you end up on different sides and when you see other people's pages you're like, oh no. bad people and some I don't know. You end up on different sides and when you see other people's pages you're like, oh no. I don't think there's ever been somebody bad on TikTok. That's my takeaway from

TikTok. Everybody's good. Everybody's politics are good. They're doing interesting stuff. Yeah. I wish Elvis Presley was on TikTok. They could probably stitch together something using AI, right? Yeah. Yeah. I wish Elvis Presley was on TikTok. They can probably stitch together something using AI, right? Make some sort of Elvis Presley.

Sometimes I get like acting videos, like people doing scenes from movies, but like, but it's just like a closeup of their face on their phone and they're like acting their little hearts out and it's not, it's bad. Does he have a, he has like a granddaughter who's an actress who that elvis elvis uh yeah because his daughter was lisa marie and i think didn't lisa marie yeah she uh riley kio kikiu okay k-e-o-u-g-h is that person related to barry kioch might be related to barry kioch all right um she's uh i don't know she's in movies i don't know i don't know if i've seen any of them but wasn't there supposed to be be an Elvis movie that was going to come out about young Elvis with a guy who was like

dating Vanessa Hudgens? Austin Butler? Yeah. Did that come out? International man of mystery. Who's to say? The same year that Once Upon a Time in Hollywood came out,

Hilary Duff made this very insane Sharon Tate movie that I discovered recently. Oh, really? Yeah. It's like, what if Sharon Tate got to fight back? Like it was like a horror action movie.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, man. I mean, you know what? It's good.

It's done in good taste. And yeah, everybody's wondering, everybody's victim blaming Sharon Tate for not fighting back at all. I mean, you know what? It's done in good taste. Everybody's victim blaming Sharon Tate for not fighting back enough. You were nine months pregnant. Didn't you have any of that mom strength? Yes. Sorry.

The movie was called The Haunting of Sharon Tate. Haunting of Sharon Tate. Holy cow. Yeah. Are you a fanate. Holy cow. Yeah. Are you a fan of the bad movies? Yeah. So Bad It's Good? Yeah.

What's your favorite? What's your absolute all-time number one? Oh, boy. I watch a lot of terrible movies. But mostly, like, can I... High School Musical? Yeah, sure. Is it... The original? I've never seen it? Yeah, sure. Is it, uh,

I've never seen it. Yeah. The original, I think like the, of the, I love the trail. Oh, you know,

my favorite movies are the twilight movies too. Like I love the twilight saga and we like the last one. That's all. It's all a sham. Yeah. Yeah. Cause isn't the whole movie like a dream or something like that yeah like a battle happens and then it's like jump and everybody's still alive yeah yeah yeah yeah

did you read the books i did yeah wow is it the same as does it happen in the books like that i don't remember the books i only remember the movie sure is there much baseball at the book probably more scene in the movie uh yeah there's that excellent scene um isn't during the battles don't they like rip people's heads off or what's the thing that you have to do to kill a vampire you have to rip their head off and then you have to set them on fire. Oh man. I don't have time for both of those.

Yeah. I'm pretty certain that's it. It's like head rip off and then set the body on fire and then maybe separately from the head. Oh, yeah. You have to slow, you have to slow cook the head and barbecue the body. Yeah. But the head is some sort of instant pot.

In a rotisserie style. Yeah, you definitely want pulled face. You want the face meat to just fall off the face bone. Yeah. Right off that cheek. What about werewolves? How do you kill them? Were they just... Silver bullet.

Silver bullet, right? Must be a silver bullet yeah um i saw a werewolf uh you saw a werewolf yeah yeah holy shit uh boy uh what are the lines from the song uh dancing with the queen or whatever doing the werewolf of london he was everybody doing the werewolf i saw where you know it was a traitor vix or whatever i'd like to meet his taylor i'd like to meet his taylor that's right little old lady got mutilated late last night yeah it's probably the best uh song about a werewolf i can't i think there's one that's based about uh wolfman jack the real werewolf i can't i think there's one that's based about uh wolfman jack the not a real werewolf well you know what i think that sucks i think it sucks that he's uh

he's not a werewolf um so you've seen all of the twilight movies yeah we read some friends rewatched them during quarantine when we would do Netflix parties. Yeah. And every other week we would watch a bad movie, but every other week we would do one of the Twilight movies until we watched them all. Okay. I was like, I have to be there for all of the Twilight ones because I had fun facts. But most of the fun facts were like, hey, they filmed this one in New Westminster where I grew up. And, oh, grown up Renesmee. I went to high school with that girl.

Oh, wow. Okay. So you actually have a personal investment in this. Did you? How many are there? Four? Five. Five.

Did you audition to be the? No, I wasn't acting yet. But boy, do I win. Oh, did it inspire you to get into the craft? Yeah. I was like, these performances, I... I must. I must.

When did you decide to become an actor? Probably when I was 15. Yeah. Yeah. That's the sweet spot. I saw my friend in a musical and I said, ooh, I could do that. And then I auditioned.

My friend sucks, I could totally do that. No, I was just like, I was like, why is she getting all this hype? I would like some attention too. So I auditioned and I got into that program and then I started doing improv that same year, actually. Are you,

I think we talked about this before. But do you sing? Yeah, I do musical theater. Okay. Yeah. Would you like me, I have a little piano here I can accompany you. Let's do. If you go, do you, is there like an auditioning thing like in the movies where you like bring your own song?

That's like the standard song that you always sing for auditions? Or you have to do one from the show or depends on the audition sometimes they're like they give you like a bring us any steven sondheim song or bring us any song from this era or what's your favorite one to audition with um lately i have been singing oh god i can't remember the last audition i did that made me choose a song because for the last couple ones they just tell you like oh you're auditioning for this part this is that character song come in and sing it yeah right this is the receptionist song from family law here are your papers here are your pets no he's not in right now can i take a message i'll give you his voicemail i am the receptionist uh i the last audition i remember doing i sang uh crazy by patsy Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. I've been doing like I'll bring in

a pop song. You know what I used to audition with? What? Blue by Leanne Rimes. Oh, I could do that yodel like nobody's business. Oh, yeah. When I used to audition for commercials that had to have us sing or voiceover things that are like can you sing a few bars?

I'd always sing Miley Cyrus' The Climb. Nice. If you know The Climb. I don't. I don't either. Two, three, four. Or there's something else. Oh, yeah.

Rainbow Connection from The Muppet. Oh, that's a killer. Yeah. Yeah. from the Muppets. Oh, that's a killer. Yeah. Like you will be auditioning for the role of Miss Piggy,

but we're going to let you sing Rainbow Connection. That's a heartbreaker, that song. It is. So it's very like lovely too. And I think it makes people feel a certain nostalgia. Here's,

is this like a hacky comedy thing? But it just occurred to me. Are there so many songs about rainbows? That is actually a very good question. I mean, there's Over the Rainbow. Yeah. That's the only one that comes to mind. Beware the Rainbow Man.

Enter Rainbow Man. Yeah, that's right. There's one song about rainbows, i uh that's right there's one song about rainbows but maybe that's too bad there's one song about rainbows we should invent some more they made like a full

like body tank for jim henson to be in under the water to control like now i feel like they would have just meant to bury him they made a full body tank under the swamp but yeah he had to like be in a swamp inside this thing and be doing her but it feels like they would have built that set now and he would have been at the edge of the water. They would have just animated it. That's true. Yeah. I'm surprised

they didn't do like a marionette style but I guess there's only one way. There's only one way. Yeah. To get that Kermit magic. I do love when they pan out on Muppets. You see their whole body standing there. So good. I love it. standing there so good i love it that bicycle

shot i love it yeah the bicycle shot's amazing people wondered how they did it one time kermit like filled in for johnny carson on the tonight show and it was him the whole time like they didn't do it as a gag it was like whoever was the guest that night had to talk to kermit karl sagan talking kermit invites the comedian over to the couch there was that uh very excellent and truly dystopian moment of last year when kermit the frog was on The Masked Singer? Oh, yeah, that's right. He was inside one of the costumes. Inside the costume.

Oh, that's so funny. My favorite thing about Masked Singer is the type of celebrities they pretend. I don't know. This sounds a lot like Brad Pitt to me. I know. They're like, it must be Jamie Foxx. Do they disguise their voices? Some? Yes, they do. Not when they're singing. Not when they're singing, but when they're like, it must be Jamie Foxx. Do they disguise their voices? Some?

Yes, they do. Not when they're singing. Not when they're singing, but when they're speaking. When they're talking. Yeah. Okay. Because Kermit is, I would be able to know his voice. I think I would know his singing voice as well.

Yeah. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. There was, even with their little masked voices when they're speaking, Kelly Osbourne was on one season, and she spoke with a Southern accent to try and... That's cool. It is cool.

To throw them off. Throw them off. Yeah. But at no point would they guess that it was Kelly. Kelly Osbourne. They'd be like, well, I think it's... I gotta say, it's probably Miley Cyrus. This has got to be Demi Lovato.

Somebody who's on tour right now. I think this is Taylor Swift. Yeah, I think this is probably Oh, it turns out it's Verne Troyer. Donny Osmond I think won the first season, didn't he? What makes you win? I've never watched the show.

Do you get voted off if they guess who you are or if you're the worst singer? If you're the worst singer. Oh, yeah. But the worst singer at the end has to take their mask off and reveal who they are. Yeah. So that's what everybody's waiting for is the loser.

Yeah, the performances aren't great. Wayne Brady won one year. That's right. And I read a blog that predicted it was Wayne Brady based on all these clues. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Yeah.

We wish him the best. I remember one of the clues for that was just a picture frame with the words yes and on it. Nice. Stupid. And who are the judges? Like Robin Thicke? Robin Thicke. Robin Thicke. Robin Thicke.

Does Robin Thicke know yes and is an improv thing? No. He did a lot during that video shoot. He was like, yes and, take off your top. He's all about those blurred lines. Yes, that's true. Yeah, it's her and it's Jenny McCarthy yeah and then

the guy from The Hangover yeah Ken Jeong and Nicole Scherzinger it would be very funny if one of the judges went missing and they were one of the singers it was like so clear actually that did happen

the host of the show is, hold on. I think she's frozen. No, I'm here. I just can't remember his name. Is it Nick Cannon? It's Nick Cannon.

I kept almost saying Nick Cage. I'm like, nope. Nick Cannon is the, is the host. And, he was not there for the first half of the season and then

he showed up and he was one of the judges? No he was one of the masked singers oh god but that's like something that you would do after I guess the show's probably jumped the shark nobody really how dare you

I mean that they jumped over a character dressed as a shark. And it ruled. Yeah. It was David Lee Roth jumping over him. Yeah, they had a character dressed as a shark singing, jump around. Is that a show that you regularly watch?

Again, is it like is it again is it like it's so bad it's good it is that it was that for a while but then it got to a point where i was like i actually really hate uh the performances i just want to know who these people are yeah yeah so eventually i just stopped uh i watched an episode where they unveiled the the person that i did had no idea who they were. Yeah. It was like, Oh,

a lot. Yeah. And then there was somebody that was from an all girl group from the early 2000s. Yeah. There was a girl who was like, Oh, she was a finalist on the X factor. And I was like,

what the hell is even that? Yeah. Yeah. I was pissed. I like a two time reality reality show contest but then do the guests uh or do the the like judges do they act like they know who the person is even if they're clearly not famous enough yes because i feel like they might feed to them who the person is because they'll always like the last day will be like it actually might be maria so-and-so and you're like they're like oh that's a good guess yeah and i was like who the hell might be riley kiyom um yeah uh i've yeah i've only watched a couple times there was a dating show that was also

of that ilk where it was like people in crazy makeup. Sexy Beasts. Yeah. Did you watch that? I watched a little bit of that. I got really into reality TV this year. Yeah? Yeah.

Top show? I am very much into the Real Housewives franchise. Beverly Hills, Potomac, and Salt Lake City. Real Housewives Potomac? Yeah. Yes. So why not? So good. potomac and salt lake city yeah real housewives potomac yeah so good the salt lake city one is probably the greatest television i've ever watched my wife abby has uh she has always like railed against these shows and never watched them and then she got sucked in by salt lake city it's so good it's also what i think started

it off for me because it like all of a sudden a woman is like fully taken away by the fbi in an episode because it turns out she's been fully stealing money from people yeah that's cool yeah yeah it's that's where i see myself in the, in the show where I'm like, yes, I've also had trouble with the FBI. We all have, you know, they really,

they bring them back grounded. They humble. Isn't Denise, Denise Richards is on one of them, right? She was on two seasons of Beverly Hills, but she's not on anymore. Okay.

Oh, so here's, uh, cause apparently she's not on anymore okay oh so here's uh because apparently she's on beverly hills and she talks about like the the other housewives will say you haven't worked in years and she's like yes i work all the time and i'm offer only i don't even audition and then at christmas we were having a like or a couple weeks before christmas we did like a movie night with the kids where we let them stay up late and pick a movie to watch.

And they picked this horrible, like, uh, home alone knockoff about a kid, like setting up traps in, uh, in their school. Oh no.

Meanwhile, their school is being robbed by three robbers and their mother is like across town in the snowstorm and can't get to them and their mother is denise richards and the school janitor who has been teaching this girl blues guitar is danny glover and everyone else everyone else is not not famous the can you imagine trying to prevent thieves from going into your school like who gives a shit yeah get in there buddy i don't care all they'd have to do is knock no danny glover had been taken hostage by them it was tied to a chair where he couldn't play any blues guitar at all yeah his only hope were those children to set traps? Yeah, the girl needed to, yeah, she wanted to save him.

That was the only reason she was invested. Right, okay. Her parents kept forgetting her at school. Oh. Yeah, neglectful parents. Neglectful Denise. They're doing a reboot of Home Alone this year? they did one yeah yeah and like his brother is a cop in it or his brother like rusty or what was his brother's name buzz buzz yeah buzz your

girlfriend wolf please just call me buzz. That actor, Buzz, was arrested. That's right. He was just arrested. So probably if you watch the movie now, he'll be cut out of it. Oh, wow. Because isn't it?

What's her name from? Kimmy Schmidt is one of the robbers. Yes. Yeah. Kimmy Schmidt and Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci came back for this. He came out of retirement. Good for him.

Good for him. I just finished filming a children's show. I want to know everything. I'll say what I can or whatever. But it'll be on Netflix next October. So it has a spooky element to it. There are lots of animals involved and I play a villain. Yes. What kind of villain costume are we talking about?

Oh, I wear a lot of jumpsuits and hidden disguises. Nice. Is it a movie or a show? It's a show. Oh, okay. And my character was described as a Joe Pesci in Home Alone type. Nice. Yeah.

I can see it. You've got the gold tooth. The gold tooth and we're probably the same height, honestly. We have a lot of his costumes that we want you to try on. Yeah, and you're like, oh no, they fit perfectly. Body by Pesci. Honestly? Yeah. Style god god a style icon that little toque that little tiny toque yeah yeah he was way ahead on that yeah oh daniel stern's coat hubba hubba yeah so long so

dusty did one of them have fingerless gloves or did they both have fingerless gloves? Maybe both did, yeah. Yeah. Which is the opposite of what you want for a robber. Oh, that's true. You want the tips of your fingers fully covered. We were away for the Christmas break. Well, I mean, it's still the break, but we were away for Christmas and it snowed here. And I was like, oh, I hope hope I always worry whenever I'm away. Someone's breaking into the house. Right.

And then I was like, oh, cool, there's snow so I'll be able to see footprints. Detective Dave. Yeah. There were no footprints anywhere. There was like one big butt print and then like some knee prints around it. So I think some people were fucking on the lawn

well good for them yeah good for them absolutely um one of the jokes on when i did the 24 hour show was about jesus and the person walking down the beach and then only seeing one pair of tracks and then he says that's when we were doing a standing 69 together. I really like that. It's great. It's great. It was a great joke. It's great.

It was very good. Do, because you're on a show, is this an adult show or a kid show? It's a kid show. Kid show. So, like, is it, do you have to do a lot of acting with kids? Yeah. So, the, like, two leads of the show were two 12-year-olds. Sweet.

Yeah. It was, it's insane, like, how much they work. Like, they work every day and kids have like a certain rule where they can only work 10 out only work 10 hours which is like crazy with a one-hour lunch break or whatever and since their day like uh is quote unquote limited uh they put the adult scenes before and after and like kind of whatever sporadically in the middle so they get all the kids stuff done once right so my days were like first in last out like book ending the kids so i got real tired by the end of the show yeah but you know what that's because you're not a kid yeah yeah pays to be a kid um yeah is uh

is it weird like are they precocious these kids or are they like well one of the kids like they some of the kids had these excellent resumes i was like well your career is completely surpassed mine uh and you are going to be very successful and rich yeah i'm still just getting by uh i've got a late teens yaris over here yeah thank you and a cat i have a cat now um oh but uh yeah no they're they're actually very sweet like good kids and i had a have you ever worked with bad kids i can't say i did uh i won't say this kid was not a bad kid but uh i did do a scene with a kid on family law this the season that just aired and uh we were playing cards in the scene. And he had to do this thing where he looked at this other character

who's like, fly was down, and his little shirt was tucking out. And every time he turned to look at the actor, he would not stop laughing, because he thought that was the funniest thing he's ever seen in his life. And he felt really bad, because he kept screwing up the takes or whatever. And eventually he just yelled, really bad because yeah i kept screwing up the takes whatever and eventually he just yelled like i'm a child what do you expect that's true and it was yeah yeah it was cute we expect you to work 10 hours a day yeah 30 days in a row um there was a i watched a documentary called Child Star, I think it was called.

And one of the people they interviewed in it was like, she was like a Shirley Temple type back in the 40s. And her name was like Little Gabby or something like that. And she just was like, I was one of the most famous people in the world for like two or three years. And then you've never heard of me since and uh yeah i feel like she probably worked 18 hours a day before you know before it was important never went to school they never had on-set tutors yeah they had on-set tutors on this show which was really interesting but the kids really they

did not want to go to school i'll say that they did not want to go to school they wanted to hang out with the adults did you ever try to like well if you're not want to go to school. I'll say that. They did not want to go to school. They wanted to hang out with the adults. Did you ever try to like, well, if you're not used to the tutor, I might as well. Yeah. I'm like, I should learn some more. Teach me. Teach me French. Teach me how to drive.

Yeah. Oh, I, so here's the thing. So I crashed my car into the set. I had to drive on the show and it was this big old van and i got into it and instead of uh doing the thing of asking if the seat moved forward at all i just couldn't reach the pedals and i didn't i felt too bad telling anybody or explaining this so when i had to pull up the car was moving so slow and just just slamming against the side of the curb. And after we shot it, they were like,

so we think it would be best if you took a couple driving lessons. And then they sent one of the head drivers out with me in the van to go practice driving around Victoria. Were your feet just dangling there? They were until I got into my driving test like test lesson and i uh moved the c4 and i was like oh i know how to drive i i know how to yeah and it was fine but it was so embarrassing in the moment yeah and you don't want to ask right like if i went on set and they were like can you ride on on horse? I'd be like, absolutely. Put me on that thing. I'll ride it all day long.

Yeah. I'm not even scared. Yeah. I just need a boost and away we go. And away we go. And a sugar cube. One for me, please. Yeah, that was embarrassing. But as soon as we figured out the position of the seat, it was fine.

Golden. Golden, absolutely. It's not the size that matters. It's the position of the seat. Yeah, and it was a big van. I had never driven something big. I drive a small Yaris. Yeah, that's like driving two Yaris.

What's your goal? What's the biggest thing you'd ever want to drive? Drive? Graham, we know you want to drive a bus. Yes, absolutely. I would want to drive? Graham, we know you want to drive a bus. Yes, absolutely. I would love to drive a pickup truck. Like an old orange pickup truck like the one that Bella drives in the movie in Twilight. Yes, yeah.

The classic. One of the co-stars, they say, that that's the fifth member of Twilight. Of Twilight. Yeah. That's the city from Sex and the City. Dave, what would be the biggest thing you'd like to drive? Oh, boy. Really turning the tables on me.

I guess like a Yaris on top of a Yaris. Yeah. Cool. Double-decker Yaris. Yeah, or one of those tall bikes. Cool. That would be cool. Where you have to like, I'm at a stoplight, I gotta lean up

against a post or I'm gonna fall. It's the best way to get around. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, we are recording this. This is our first episode of 2022. I've already broken all my resolutions oh

don't worry about it driving a bus being one of them uh oh shoot I was gonna do a vow of silence I guess that has

can we Graham can we record 51 more episodes before the new year yes yeah absolutely

uh I uh so it's episode 720 uh which is two 360s in a row. So I'm going to try to do that this year. This year. So we're recording this after Christmas. I just had a killer Christmas week.

Yeah? Tell us all about it. Make us super jealous. We went to the weekend before Christmas. Abby was like, hey, or my sister was like, hey, we have a place up at Whistler for the weekend. Do you want to come? And so Abby and I took the kids up because we were like, oh, it'd be nice for the kids to get some snow. Yeah.

For once in their lives. And so we went up and they sledded around and played in the snow and there was a hot tub and they dunked themselves in the hot tub and they mostly spent the two days just eating icicles. Yeah. Very cool.

Yeah, it's something that is like probably I did when I was a kid, like just eat a handful of snow, but dogs and kids they're the only people who do it no it's still pretty good the kids abby's from quebec and she would do like growing up they did boil the maple uh maple syrup and so it like gets like elasticky right and then you can like roll it in a popsicle stick in the snow or something

we tried it we didn't work now we just pour it on the snow send the kids outside. I've made a trail for you kids. I put some Marasino cherry syrup on my snow. That was pretty good. Nice. And then, so that was fun. And then we went to Abby's parents on Gabriola Island. And I do, like my normal Christmas week routine is get a puzzle yeah yeah eat a bunch of

turtles and ferreira rushes and do the puzzle and the puzzle was so hard did it have um weird pieces shapes no that's what made it hard. Because all the shapes, all the pieces were two things poking out and two things going in. Which made it like... I didn't like...

I bought this puzzle back in June that was... It's just Lego men faces. Just Lego faces. Just yellow. Just yellow yellow and i was like oh this will be too hard to do in like two days at abby's parents house so i'm just gonna get we have this other one of totem poles i'll bring this over and this was the one that i i was five days i was doing it and i never finished it. And it like on day three, I realized,

Oh, all of the pieces are the same shape. And this is, it's terribly vexing. Yeah. So what do you do? Do you just power through or you just, no,

I gave up. I gave up after five days. Like I was doing it on the dinner table. I'm like, they literally had to just like, okay, we're just going to put a tablecloth over your stupid puzzle and serve dinner um yeah i feel like the times that i've ever contributed to a puzzle i've got one thing and

i'm like quit while you're ahead man you nailed that one piece i also love it i find it's very satisfying i don't even care like usually you get to the end and two pieces are missing and that is a little annoying but the journey it's the journey journey yeah yeah the one that i was doing at my parents house this weekend was it had very funky shaped pieces uh so much so that even the the border had very funky shaped pieces. So much so that even the border had very weird shaped pieces. So you couldn't even tell is this a border piece because it would like come down in a V with like a very small edge. Sure. Oh, shit.

I did not complete it before I got back home. I like to come down in a V if you know what I'm saying. Lord. What? Well, we've equaled my Robin Williams is an alt-right. I think for this episode. Um, the,

uh, uh, so yeah, we did that. I did that. Abby like started day one, got four pieces. I did the next 900 and then I gave up.

It is. It's a nice, like if you, you know, if you're going away for a couple of days, it's a nice constant to have. And now we're in this week between Christmas and New Year's and that is,

I, as a kid, it was like, it always felt like a letdown. It was like all the anticipation of Christmas and then nothing. But now I think this is the best week of the year. Oh, yeah. Yeah. When they say- It's all been to our couch. Yeah. Yeah. of christmas and then nothing but now i think this is the best week of the year yeah yeah when they say into our couch yeah yeah yeah um i uh so yeah we were at abby's parents house we so we had you know gone to give the kids a little taste of snow before christmas and then we got so much snow

like two days before christmas i don't think i've ever had a white christmas at home and you were like it's a buffet go out and eat as much snow as you want yeah and they abby's parents have a hot tub and so the kids were just like running around in their swimsuits in the snow like doing snow angels in their swimsuits and jumping into the hot tub. Those kids know how to live. Yeah. I remember doing that as a kid. What? Running in and out of a hot tub?

And into the snow. Yeah, I had a friend who had a hot tub. And that was like, and then you kind of burn in a good way. Like that feeling of cold, cold feet. And then you stay in the hot tub long enough. You can weirdly walk in the snow, no problem. I didn't race around, but just walking back into the living room, I was like, I don't need shoes. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what? This could be the beginning of a new era for you. Your Steve Jobs era. No shoes. No shoes. No shoes, loose jeans. Turtleneck

turtle shell shell back yeah so that's some wholesome fun you had there yeah it was wholesome fun had a fun the kids unwrapped whatever their stupid garbage what was their

marquee garbage I don't know another doll still want this doll is like 99 the same as this other doll yeah is this from they're like a like a it toy this year like a uh yeah it it was the doll pennywise from it as a little doll doll little eye goes off to the side yeah the producers are like we didn't see this revenue stream coming but kids love them

they love them five year olds love Pennywise so no I don't know if there is an It doll or an It toy I don't think we got it. Yeah, but like. We were like, I don't know.

I think, yeah, when the kids got their flu shots, we're like, let's go to Toys R Us to reward you. Right. And on the way out, I grabbed this Toys R Us catalog, this like pamphlet. And they were like, hey, go through this and maybe pick some things you want for christmas and they literally circled everything so it's hard to tell what they wanted yeah i was just gonna ask like how does a kid know what toys to get if they're just watching netflix or whatever how to like how do I know which is the toy? friends oh yeah friends they watch friends

they watch friends and whatever the friends like another coffee cup a scone I have come across there was like a barista set there was like a friends barista set. There was, like, a friend's barista set. And also, like, a hot cocoa one. And it was, like, we're on a break, cocoa.

Oh, boy. When you need a break, and you're on a break. Yeah. I went to Target when there was, like, a two-week window when Canadians could make day trips to America. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, for, like like 72 hours or whatever stay inside yeah and i uh when i was there that they had uh in the like the kids clothing department they had so much like jojo siwa oh jojo love jojo siwa underwear doodah doodah and and uh friends jojo siwa and, doodah, doodah. And Friends. Jojo Siwa and Friends were the big branding things for kids.

For kids! Yeah, who's your favorite friend, kids? Probably Phoebe. She's the most like a kid. Oh, kids would love Phoebe. Or Joey. I also know Chandler. Yeah, oh, probably Joey.

Joey. Oh, Ross. He's a designer kids hate ross hate ross yeah all right also grown-ups hate ross yeah um uh but they all i got a bunch of like stocking stuffers and do you remember those um lifesaver uh the books story books that were like eight packs of lifesavers and they're all different kinds yeah well i haven't seen them in so long no i assume they didn't make them anymore yeah and i bought life it was a little book and it was lifesavers gummies and i was like sure fine whatever and uh i didn't really look, I bought them and,

uh, on Christmas morning, they opened them up and they're not this, like the kids don't know the difference. Cause they, I'm not feeding them lifesavers regularly, but, uh,

yeah, it doesn't open like a storybook. It's just a box with a lid and there's two bags full of, uh, gummies in it. And it, but but like can you even buy lifesavers because they used to be up at the till that used to be where you find them you get the delicious butterscotch ones butter rum butter rum yeah it was weird that they're like there were so many types of lifesavers in that book that there were two different butter flavors and maybe like one or two mints yeah and there was like an all cherry one i feel like yeah oh man lifesaver sours were my favorite i don't think that was in the storybooks though

i'm sure that's not canon well you're younger than us you're younger than we are we i stopped having storybooks well when i got my driver's license yeah 37 years ago yeah we're so old that they had a molasses flavor we were happy to have it a bunch of licorices salted yeah an egg drop. Yeah, so it's disappointing, but the kids still like them. Yeah. I can't express to them how disappointing I am.

How disappointing I am. I express that regularly. Yeah, yeah, they know. Kids are the first to know. Anyway, just simply had a wonderful Christmas time. Nice. Very nice. How are you, Graham?

We haven't spoken since you did your 24 hours of comedy. Yeah. And that was a lot of fun. A lot of standing for 24 hours. Also, you were on the cover of the local newspaper. Oh. The Georgia Strait, our free weekly check check me out look at that look at me now here's the thing is it's the it was on 30 rock they said like if you do one silly expression that's the one yeah and as soon as i was like i don't even have to look at it i know exactly because they said they would which was really nice they said like pick your top

five that you like uh-huh and uh and then we'll pick different ones yeah exactly we're not interested in your opinion we're just doing this to be like so you feel better on your end yeah you and i were on the cover of The West Ender a few years ago. Probably one of the last West Enders. Maybe the last one. I think they ceased publishing after we were on the cover. Has anyone checked on The Georgia Straight? Oh, since I've been on it?

Yeah. I mean, I think they do their best movies of 2020. I think that's what's out now, which is great. Guys, I need to know. I want to know. 2020, last year? Yeah, they're going to do their best movies of last year. Yeah, they're going to do the best of last year.

They're a year behind. Okay. They're print. They move slow. I understand. Mail, mail, news. Yeah, they're going to go with nomadland oh yeah um uh but what i did uh on this break and this which is still happening like you say uh nothing else is going on but i

watched finally i'd never seen it before i watched love actually ah it was it was one of Netflix's top picks. Heavily promoted. Heavily promoted. And I was like, I know one scene from it. I know exactly one scene from it, and it's the one where he goes to Keira Knightley's house. Rick Grimes from Walking Dead.

And he does... He's got cue cards. Yeah, Tony Inky Mendez is there with him. They had a falling out. Yeah, you do these cue cards that are uh it's just so inappropriate that scene have you guys have both seen it no i have not oh i know this scene is he is she with someone else and he's got a lot he's like stealing her away? He's got a crush on her. But is she in a relationship? Yeah, she's married to his best friend. Oh, and so he's got a crush on her, but he has to be quiet about it,

so he's written it all down? Yeah, but here's the thing, right? I didn't realize the married to a friend or whatever. Whoever was filming uh wedding fucked up and so he was filming the wedding too so they're like can you give us your copy and kira knightley thinks he hates her because he's always giving her the cold shoulder because he's so horny for and then he shows the video and it's just clips of her. And it takes the Keira Knightley's character like two whole minutes to be like, they're all of me.

And yes, he does cue cards so that his friend doesn't find out. His illiterate friend. What are they saying? Stop playing so fast. I'm trying to sound it out. what is the what are they saying they're both standing at the door are you getting any of this i don't get a word of this he's playing music so it's described he's like disguising it as christmas carolers but there's the instrumental music in the background oh yeah there's a couple cellos in here um but he one of the things that he has on his cards as he's flipping by he says uh and you know it's christmas the season to tell the

truth you have to tell the truth at christmas and i'm like that's the very opposite isn't it hey kids guess who's delivering your presents tonight yeah and i love this present that you gave me thank you so much yeah and i get along with you all the time for sure yeah yeah yeah so it's like uh it's and then there's a second scene in it where they say that uh christmas time is about the truth maybe it's a british thing maybe britain you're supposed to like clear the air on christmas day um the air this christmas i think i started watching it uh is bill nye yes yes he's a science guy and he he was like a song he's got a successful song yeah i think he's like a washed up rocker yeah i think is that in the first 10 minutes

it is the first 10 minutes i think i maybe stopped there oh so the other weird thing about it because like i say i've never seen it before And so I only know that one scene. But at the very beginning, they reference 9-11. Within the first like 10 seconds of the movie. Yeah, within the first, they're like, you know, I think because 9-11, people are thinking people aren't good anymore or something. And then the last scene is a kid like sticking it to the airport security and like running through. Doing gymnastics through the airport. Yeah. So it's like, well, you through and doing gymnastics through the airport. Yeah. So it's like, well, you guys know that's not allowed anymore. Is that, did you

have to retroactively go back and be like include something about 9-11 so the people know that we know what happened. Yeah. So it's weird. When did that movie come out? 9-12. 2001? Oh, well, then that would have been right after 9-11. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's why they had to include it but then they

obviously couldn't reshoot it was 2003 I just looked it up and it's just a bunch of different people's stories do they like overlap at all they converge at one point they're all at the same recital and it's and then they all meet each other at the airport or something like that is there any um do they say the title of the movie are they like almost within no it's is it within the first couple minutes i can't remember but it is said in the movie.

Like some, they say. Do they say love actually or do they say actually love? Do they say, I think Christmas is about telling the truth. Do you think that's what Christmas is about? No. What do you think it's about?

Love actually. I think it's about the holiday. um anyways it's fine it's fine it's fine yeah you mentioned he made it seem like carolers were coming to the front door yeah um we have a camera on our doorbell and we use it uh when someone rings the doorbell. It's so slow to come up on our phone. Like it takes like 30 seconds to load to see who's rung the doorbell. But normally I'm just like, I'll just answer it.

Yeah. You've had the experience of real doorbell, but yeah. And like technology. Yeah. I could, I don't mind telling the person, no,

we're not going to donate to someone with a clipboard. I don't give money to anyone who comes to my door. Yeah, except maybe a postman, postage due, something like that. Oh, I don't call that. I guess that is giving money, sure. But so that was happening a couple of weeks before Christmas. And then right before I got to the front door, Abby said, oh, it's people with guitars. Emergency, emergency.

There's a guy with a guitar and four people with Santa hats. Let me know when they leave. Oh, man, that's great. Um, yeah. So I watched that. I watched love actually,

which is, you know, I finally, after all these years, I caught up on it. And then I also in the same evening watched one of those Hallmark ones. Uh, and it was called an ice wine Christmas.

And it was called an ice wine Christmas. And it's about a woman who's a Somali. All she ever recommends is ice wine. She just says like, you'll love this ice wine. And they, the whole thing centers around the, the picking of the grapes after the big frost or whatever. Was that what ice wine is?

I guess. If this movie tells me anything, that is what ice wine is. But they were very ballsy to shoot a movie about a winery without having any access to a winery. So it's just like two sets of branches covered in burlap. And just every scene happened in that one when they're looking at the grapes they maybe had like five different stunt grapes that they moved from branch to branch but it was great it was great you know uh what was that movie with keanu reeves where they're on like a winery and it's going to be frosty and they want to

save the grapes and so they light fires and everyone has to put on like burlap wings to like move the heat around What the hell? What are you saying? It sounds like a fever dream You've imagined this

I think it's called a walk in the clouds. A walk in the clouds, sure. But it's, well, I guess they're like, they didn't know you could just turn it into ice wine. Have you ever had ice wine? No, but I know it comes in like a weird skinny bottle. Yeah. Like vinaigrette. Yeah.

You get less of it out of a grape, I'm assuming. Yeah, and it costs more and i don't know if it gets you any drunker no yeah that would be the that would be the big selling point if it's like ice wine and do you drink it cold the time i had it i was cold uh-huh they didn't say in the movie and in the movie were they like what do you think the meaning of christmas was is and she says ice wine actually actually oh yes well done well done well done thank you i mean you should have put when i did it it had more levels. It did. I just giggled my way through it because I thought it was funny.

No, mine was, I tried to get from A to B, but I had to add a bunch more dialogue. Yeah, it, you know, and it follows the same template that all those movies do. She lives in the city and she's going back home for this thing. Classic. Oh, and the thing is, is like the guy that she falls in love with, he's using technology to figure out when the frost is coming and she can taste the dirt and knows that a frost is coming. She lives in the city and she's got this like dirt?

Are you sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He should be the technology city guy and she should in the city what are you sure yeah yeah yeah he should be the technology city guy and she should be the small town dirt eater just always showing up to parties with like

a bunch of dirt around that was work today oh boy I'll tell you it's not coming anytime soon Well we're You're late to the dinner party That's okay I'm stuffed I ate a big lunch of dirt

Do I got a worm in my teeth? Yeah Yeah so those were my two That was the holiday. Does Hallmark make movies any other time of year? Like, or is it just small town? Like, is there any movie about a big city woman coming to a small town in like March and being like, hey, don't you realize this is what St. Patrick's Day is all about? Just everybody in the movie is just drunk.

There must be Hallmark movies that aren't Christmas. I know there are because friends are in them. Like a Halloween or maybe just a fall? Do they follow the same big city, small town template? Yeah. I swear. There must be this one also because they are you can probably have you been in one kelly i was in one hallmark christmas movie i said two words in it though it was at the beginning of my acting career were they love actually they were

yeah dogs actually it was about a dog. This woman came into the rescue society and she said, can I get a gift certificate to adopt a dog? And I said, great idea. And cut. Yeah. She was very nice. Very tall. The lead woman.

Yeah. Yeah. Like this. because they're filmed right you probably filmed it in not the winter you film in like the summer so they do a very poor job in this one in particular of depicting snow because it it's obviously just a sheet yes that they've put on the ground that's molded kind of like snow, but it's not shot well enough to hide that fact. So every time you see it, they're stepping around a sheet. And it never snows in the movie, I don't think. I don't even think they have to work on the effect of snow.

I think it's just have, it has had snow. Well, you gotta watch those grapes. If you're looking for, you know, a nice pairing of a movie with Sideways, I recommend Ice Wine Christmas. The two great wine movies of our generation. And, you know what, if you have time, Dave's one about the burlap

wings. On Wings of Burlap, it's called. Yeah, it reaps. I'm looking it up. Don't you feel free to move on with the show. Yeah, should we move on to Overhearts? Yeah. Hi, I'm Annabelle Gurrich.

And I'm Laura House. And we're the hosts of Tiny Victories. My tiny victory is that I sewed that button back on the day after it broke. We talk about that little thing that you did that's a big deal to you, but nobody else cares. Did you get that Guggenheim Genius Award? We don't want to hear from you. We want little bitty tiny victories. My tiny victory is a tattoo that I added onto this past weekend.

Let's talk about it. My victory is that I'm one year cancer free. But my tiny victory is that I took all of the cushions off the couch, pounded them out, put them back, and it looks so great. So if you're like us and you want to celebrate the tiny achievements of ordinary people, listen to Tiny Victories. It's on every Monday on Maximum Fun. Are you feeling elevated levels of anxiety? Do you quake uncontrollably, even thinking about watching cable news? Do you have disturbing nightmares, only to realize it's 2 in the afternoon and you're up?

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get your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment where we like to hear things out there in the world. Shut up, Graham. I want to do a different segment. I want to do before the podcast, or maybe in the first couple of minutes of the podcast dave said that he had like a five days left of his farsight calendar

i would very much want to hear the days okay so this is from wednesday december 17th uh and we're recording this on the 28th, guys. Maybe pick your top three. I gotta read them and pick them as I go. So, every month is divided into

like a theme. Okay. So, there was like caveman theme and hell month and bug month. This month is music month.

Okay. Okay. There's a bunch of, there's like some gorillas sitting around a piano at like a cocktail bar. They're drinking cocktails. Someone's playing the piano singing. It's a, it's a gorilla singing peelings. Nothing more than peelings.

Nice. Well, they can't be all winners. Three men playing bass and guitar and piano, all like tangled up in their instruments. Yeah, yeah. It says three more careers are claimed by the Bermuda Triangle of Jazz. That's really good. That's good there's some guys with like marching band

drums and cymbals walking through an avalanche area is there one about the guy trying to write Jeepers Creepers? Yeah, I think that was earlier in the month.

Where'd you get those eyeballs? Where did you get those googly's or whatever? What's today's? I'm not there yet. There's a bug band that's like instead of the talking heads, they're the talking abdomen. And the lyrics are baby, baby.

Oh, boy. All right. We're up to the 24th was there a fun Christmas one? no just regular old classic Farside just penguins right

we're on to the 27th and good funny funny haha We're on to the 27th. Mm-hmm. Right. And good. Funny, funny, ha-ha. Okay, the 28th. A man in an elaborate cape and jumpsuit enters a woodshop, and it says long before his show business career, he was known as Mr. Liberace, the woodshop teacher. Pretty good. Yeah. teacher. Pretty good.

Pretty good. You've got three more days of laughs. Sure do. Lucky you. Let's hear it for the boy. All right. Gary Larkin. Now for real. And by the way, before we

go any further, it's 1995, A Walk in the Clouds. Keanu Reeves, Anthony Quinn, Freddie Rodriguez, Deborah Messing, Giancarlo Giannini. Nice. Good cast. Deborah Messing. Hard to go wrong with Deborah Messing. You know what I mean?

Yeah. She's great in everything she's been in. Yeah. I mean, the two kind of qualities that's got everything she's been in. Yeah. I mean, the two kind of qualities that she has, I would say would be will and grace. Those are the two things I admire about her. Her will and her grace.

Um, all right. So time for overheards. Now, uh, if you hear things out there in the world, we want to hear them too, so you can send them into the podcast.

And we always like to start with the guest. Kelly, would you please? Okay, I had to think about this because I haven't been out and about in a couple years listening to people. Imagine our frustration. And imagine dragons, you're right. frustration and imagine dragons you're right i so i was thinking about uh when i was doing children's theater a couple years ago um the kids would yell things while we did shows or they would talk during the shows and we'd hear them while performing um this one is less of an

overheard i have a one but just to start this off in the middle or near the end of the show, I was doing a show called elephant and piggy. We are in a play and I played. I'm, I'm, I'm worried that you've done this. Oh, I also am.

Yeah. I think it's, it's one of my all time faves, but is it when the kid yelled? I don't like this. I think it might be. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Erase this. No. I think it might be. Okay. Okay. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Erase this. No. Wasn't it the one that the, the one I remember is why are we here? Okay.

So this one I don't, I did not do cause I hadn't done the show yet, but I did Peter Pan later that year. And I was, uh, playing the narrator. I was playing Smee in this production of Peter Pan and I sat at the edge of the stage almost the whole time so I could hear

everything the little kids were saying and at one point after like telling a very long monologue and sitting down and looking over at the other actors doing the scene and what not this kid just kept like tugging at his mom's shoulder and saying I don't understand what's happening what is happening happening i don't understand what is happening

yeah this is at best a poor choice on your part yeah yeah yeah oh man i was like oh god i'm doing a bad job because this kid doesn't know what's happening and my one job is to make sure it's happening and my one job is to make sure it's clear to the kids what is happening in the story uh oh no i can't believe i told this story twice well you know what guests sometimes do this and we never remember but that's right you should you should be honored that we actually were like we remember yeah yeah because it was really it was one of the all-time greats um i took you for uh i took the kids to uh the panto oh yeah oh the uh east van panto yeah then they they loved it this was like their first theater experience together and past guest mark chavez in the show yeah yeah real scene stealer.

Oh, I bet. Who did he play? Alice in Wonderland. It was Alice in Wonderland. He played, uh, you know, one of the Queens,

uh, guards. He played the rabbit that's being chased. Oh yeah. Is there, um, because it's an East van, does the Caterpillar like smoke?

Does he vape instead of smoking yeah i don't know there's definitely like a weed shop uh element of it does that have to be in the like is that part of the the reason because i remember they did wizard of oz a couple years ago and i feel like one character was just a joint yeah i believe that's probably true the character's just a joy it was just a joy pretty good um uh dave do you have an overt well speaking of mark chavez i have an overdreamt oh nice here we go um so last night i had a dream that i was in a, uh, and this is only an overdraft because there's an overheard element in it. Okay.

Fair. Uh, so I'm having a dream. Uh, and in the dream I'm, uh, in some big, like vanity fair style photo shoot with a bunch of celebrities. Like when they do one of those big Annie Leibovitz.

Oh yeah. Like, yeah. Right. It was my favorite. Yeah. Well, a bunch of celebrities like yeah when they do one of those big annie lebowitz oh yeah like yeah right was my favorite yeah well i don't know what the theme was of this one because it was me pasquette mark chavez lil nozak's okay chart toppers um yeah and then a, a bunch of like beautiful, famous women. There was, um, uh, Nicole Kidman.

Oh yeah. Uh, one of the Jenners, uh, Emily Radajowski from the Blurred Lines video. And they're all wearing like beautiful clothes. Lil Nas X is wearing like, uh, like a leather shrug. Nice. And leather pants and his torso is bare. And then Mark Chavez and I are just in our regular clothes.

We blew the budget on Lil Nas' leather shawl or whatever it was. And we, when Lil Nas X showed up, he was wearing, he drove up to the photo shoot in, on like an Art Deco motorcycle. Nice. And I said, where'd you get that?

And he said, he said something very clever. And I was like, I'll write that down for over. But I don't remember what it was. And when I checked my phone in the morning, it didn't work. was and when i checked my phone in the morning it didn't work and anyway so we were like shooting this big like it was supposed to look like a big party yeah and then uh nicole kidman goes to like give me a kiss i'll lay a smooch on you and i'm like hey no no no no knock it off I'm a married man. And then the photographer's like, we're doing the

morning after a party, so you need to have some lipstick smeared on your face. And Nicole Kidman's like, yeah, that's what I was doing. I was trying to give him lipstick. I'm doing my character. There was for sure tongue. Yeah.

So this is my dream pretty good excellent dream i haven't had anything that vivid in a long time so um yeah i find when i go to like when i travel and i like stay in a weird bed you you get you get new fresh yeah new beds new dreams galley what's the last dream you can remember um that i can remember oh boy um i can't no it's hard because like sometimes you haven't like dog-eared a dream to be oh okay so the last time you did 24 hours of stand-up i want to say early 2020 uh 2019 oh late 2019 yes late late 2019 i wrote this out and put it into your stand-up even though it was just a dream I wrote down. But it stuck with me, but I had a sex dream

about what's his name from Blink-182? Oh, what are the names? Mark Hoppus. It was Mark. Oh wait, was it Tom? But it certainly wasn't the drummer. It wasn't

Travis Barker. It was whatever the less whiny voice one was. Oh, that's Mark. Nice! Tom DeLong is like spiders. Hello there, how are you? Miss you! Hello!

Yeah, we were in hawaii like as a couple and we had to keep we kept running away from our friends uh so that we could have sex in a car i woke up and i was like what is happening i can't remember the last time I saw a picture of this man. Oh, man, that's good stuff. He kept running away from his bandmates and they were like, where are you? He's like, I'm so sorry. Good Blake 182 content. sorry uh good blake when i do contact you guys do you have a dream or a an overheard i have i think i have a dream i feel like in the beatles documentary they keep referencing the i had a dream speech oh i have a dream which was like

i guess topical at the time. Sure. Wasn't didn't like John Lennon say that the name Beatles was like a dream that he had of a guy on a flaming pie or something like that. Yeah. And he said that you guys will be Beatles with an A was how he said the dream went. And then like 30 years later, Paul McCartney put out an album called Flaming Pie. Did he really? Yeah. And I think the lyric is, I was the man on the flaming pie.

Ooh. Anyway. Ooh. That's something for all you McCartney heads out there. I think the last dream that I can remember is everybody was trying to convince me that a certain song was like the real hot song. But I was like, that's not by the person that you're saying it is. But I can't remember the song. So I remember just being arguing with people like, you said that it's this artist, but I know it's not this artist.

And I was arguing with everybody. But I don't remember the song. So it could have been anybody. You know what I mean? But I haven't overheard song, so it could have been anybody. You know what I mean? But I have an overheard instead of an overdreamt. My overheard is somebody that I just saw today walking down the street, doing a video call, and she was really in a pretty purposeful stride, and she said to the video call, yeah, well, I'm going to video call her,

and she'll have to say it to my face yeah that's uh that's an option now is like uh you can you can really confront yeah confront and you know see the expression in their eyes and all that kind of stuff you can have you write up some cards and say i love you on them don't tell your husband i'm video calling you it's such a weird scene that scene because then she kisses him she she follows him up to the street actually this guy who i thought hated me i love him i love him because he sees me she just wants attention is that what he is that what it says i see you uh no he says what does he say to me you are perfect to me you're perfect yeah i mean i get it that this guy to this guy you suck but to me you're perfect yeah that's the thing yeah to

everyone else you stink oh there's also a scene where it's that that guy at his friend's wedding and uh the there's like as they're walking out the organist starts playing all you need is love and then all these people stand up with like saxophones and trumpets that were in the crowd yeah nobody noticed dream too nobody noticed that they had instruments that then they all stood up and tromboned and all that guys like almost all of the guests were people doing doing music for all the only boning that happened on that wedding night was trombone tromboner actually yeah tromboner right um uh now we also have overheard sent in from people all over the map if you want want to send one in to us, you can send it in to SPY at MaximumFun.org I won't start with that one.

That's my favorite. You'll know when you hear it. Alright, this is Mike from New Haven, Connecticut. Hi, Mike. I was shopping a few days ago and the holiday rush was in full swing. I saw a father and son who looked somewhat out of place, confirmed by this overheard. Son what's next father uh rolled oats son what the heck is that

father ah fuck it you know that it's not worth it yeah uh you know what was the the the hit present we got the girls was a box of lucky charms oh oh shit huge huge huge huge huge and poppy decided she doesn't uh yeah she doesn't love the cereal but she loves the marshmallows so she wanted her request the second day after christmas was i would like nutella on bread with the marshmallows from the cereal sprinkles on top. Yes. You know what? You're on holiday, kid. Who am I to say no?

That sounds like a good meal. I got back into Froot Loops over the pandemic. Nice. Nice. Yeah. Froot Loops and a glass of wine for my depression dinner. Oh, wow. nice yeah Froot Loops and a glass of wine for my depression dinner oh wow I forgot how like because we've now learned that the sugar cereals are bad for you yes but you didn't know back then

yeah that's but I forgot how much I ate like it was I would have a bowl of cereal for like breakfast snack when i get home from school bedtime snack and sometimes i would put it in one of the i would eat it out of a giant cup like a promotional terminator i like that scene in uh get out where the um one from Girls is eating like one Froot Loop at a time and has a glass of milk there. Yeah. It's so menacing because it's like who could ever eat cereal that way? I used to eat cereal

dry as a kid. Did you really? Just a handful of? Well like fully a bowl. Like I put it in the bowl and eat it but I didn't like milk. And actually the first time I realized that i was lactose intolerant i was at my friend's birthday party uh and we were watching love actually for the first time yeah i had a bunch of ice cream and then i spent the rest of the party in the bathroom getting sick oh poor oh god well uh guys i'm gonna go home and then you go in the bathroom you're like you know i turned around i decided to stay here just like knock knock knock are you okay

yeah yeah no i'm reading a real good farsight book and i want to get to the end of it mortifying as like a 12 year old oh my god i can't even imagine yeah but like there was an age right where you go to sleepovers and you're like you know 30 70 maybe you're gonna pee yourself like you're like i'm pretty confident i'm not but then you're like if it's gonna happen anytime yeah i thought i'm pretty sure my bedwetting days are behind me parallel parking in front of a crowd now yeah exactly i was when i was a kid i loved cereal so much i would take ginger snap cookies and crush them up and put them in a bowl and pour milk on them and i was like this is my new cereal i've invented and i they're called ginger backs i don't know why ginger back yeah oh that's a good name for a

cereal absolutely ginger backs i mean my family was very encouraging is that cinnamon toast crunch like that it's giving no that's more of a cinnamon toast flavor i tried a box of cinnamon toast crunch like not very long ago, maybe two or three years ago, and I can't do it. It's too sweet. And also, as soon as milk gets to it, it sogs, and it just becomes

this awful... I like a Frosted Flake. It stays a bit crunchy for a while. But yeah, Cinnamon Toast Crunch. New. Next. What lasts the longest in milk i want to say a cheerio but i was gonna say a vector yes vector the one that you're trying to trick yourself into thinking it's a health food clusters those don't get soggy those are so dry yeah i guess like grape nuts

let them like i i need to soak them for a day before oh and i had to explain to somebody that like mini wheats are an offshoot of a thing that was just shredded wheat like shredded wheat was just the thing that you put in. It would just soak up milk and it would look like hay bale. And then mini-wheats came out. And then they frosted mini-wheats. But some people didn't know that. I still consider that

a grown-up cereal. I'll eat that as a grown-up. A frosted mini-wheat? Yeah, fair enough. I just have to turn them over so I don't see the frosted side. Just on one side. Just a sneaky Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. I just have to turn them over so I don't see the frosted side. Right. Just on one side. Just a sneaky treat.

Yeah. This next overheard comes from Jesse. My wife and I were walking in Deer Lake Park the other day when two people passed us going in the other direction. One said to the other, incredulously, but have you tried dog food? It's so bland. Those dogs don't know how to season, you know? Have either of you tried dog food?

No. No. I have. Twice, dry and wet. Wet? Wet! I can't even be around a can of wet food. Oh no, it's disgusting. And man, oh man.

The weird thing is, is it doesn't taste too far off of like a chunky stew. It's not like way, way off. The soup that eats like a meal. Yes. Yeah.

I feel like that was the whole, all my 20s were about chunky soup. Like, this has got to be good for you, right? It's a soup. Yeah. We wouldn't make awful soups. Make chunky vegetables. Oh, yes. Now, after this episode, I'm going to go run out and get chunky soup. Do they make a veggie chunky soup?

You know what? I'll just have to get what I get, you know? Yeah. I'll pour it through a sieve and take out all the meat. Yeah. Right. But I don't know. It can't hurt me.

My dogs, we ended up with some, like, chewy things for them that smell so gingerbread-y. Oh. But I won't risk it. Oh, you got to give it a little. Well, maybe I'll make a little frosting, dip it in. Yeah, just snap them up, put it in a bowl of milk. It's ginger bags, baby. Ginger bags.

Ginger bags. Good morning. Gotta have my ginger bags. This last one comes from Brian in Brooklyn, New York. This is an overheard from a few years ago. I was on the subway into Manhattan and there was a woman with two sons around 10 or 12 years old. They were being quite rambunctious and people were getting a little annoyed. The mom tried to get the boys to stop by saying, Caspian, Duncan, if you don't behave, there will be no more grapes.

One son gets Caspian. The other son gets Duncan. Gets Duncan and their treat is grapes. Because sometimes like when you look up like nutrition, they'll tell you grapes. You know, feeding your kids grapes is basically the same as feeding them candy. Tell that to my kids. Yeah. I didn't know that grapes had such a bad reputation.

I mean, you don't want to get them icy. Or you do, I forget. Yeah, you do. If you're going to put it in a skinny bottle, make sure you ice that grape. My kids like to eat dirt to determine if the grapes are any good. Yeah, and that's what makes them the best sommeliers in the country. Yeah. The country of Somalia.

That's right. Yeah. The Somalian sommelier. Starzy. Very nightly. And a nice wine. And a nice wine Christmas. In addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one like these people have hey guys it's Ryan from Vancouver calling first time long time last week you were talking about Dan Schneider

and it reminded me of I was setting up an by the way Dan Schneider, do you remember what we were talking about? No. He was like a Nickelodeon TV creator who we all suspected of wrongdoing.

Anyway, so okay. Your memory is refreshed. There was a quest for my nieces and they're all 12 or 13 and they're having conversations when I was in the room. And one's a little bit more worldly than the other. She says, Yeah, I used to watch that show, but they had to fire

the producer. Apparently he had a problem with feet. The other one says, Why? What was wrong with his feet? She goes, No, no. He had a problem, like, with all the feet. The other one goes, How many feet did he have still not getting it love the show keep going bye that's just like that you're talking about joey tribiani that's how dumb

but just it's so funny that that's exactly like yeah he's got a problem with the feet he's got fallen arches so he's been fired yeah you know you can't be in the army with that's right exactly just like the army i carly if you got yeah you. You've got planner fashion. Get out of here. Don't come back. Next phone call. Hello Dave. Hello Graham. Hello amazing guest.

I was just going over my son's homework and it's about Maryland and it has occupations of people around Maryland. And on the shore part, or on the eastern shore he marked off his occupations of people around maryland and on the shore part or on the eastern shore he marked off his occupations of lifeguard and pirates which he then lost a point for all right have a good one i'm out of here we we will i like that sign off yeah um the uh uh yeah we're no

there were no pirates in maryland i mean i don't think it's an occupation in modern Maryland. Yeah. Are they talking modern Maryland? I think they might be, it's a lifeguard. Yeah. Sure. Modern Maryland would have, you know, people from the wire. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. Crab catching. Yeah. Ace of cakes. Lobster roll. Yeah. Boy, they love their crab there, don't they? Yeah. Mm-hmm. yeah yeah crab catching yeah ace of cakes lobster roll yeah boy they love their crab there don't they yeah

have you guys ever eaten like a full crab or has it always been like already pulled apart for you what do you mean where they give you like a crab and then you gotta suck out the meat out of the legs. I'll suck anything.

Yeah, I've done that. I'll suck anything. All right. Dave, I'll suck anything. Shroom good. Well, I also didn't know if you meant like, do you, there's also soft shell crabs, which I'm not sure if you eat the shell of those. I don't know either.

Cleans you right out, I bet. Yeah. The husks. The husks, guys. Fine. Here's your final phone call. You hypocrites. Hi, guys. I was driving

and I just drove by a semi refilling the gas at a gas station. On the tank on the semi it said, follow me if you're thirsty. But there was no picture of, like, a gas station drink or anything. So it just sounded like it was talking to my car. And first off, I can't even follow it.

My car's thirsty. So, what are we doing? Alright, bye! Thirsty car, follow me. Follow me, I'm a gas tanker. Oh, man. Yeah, is it, uh, like like have you ever seen them put gas in a gas station pretty cool oh yeah it's yeah where do they put it no is it rare it is rare and i've only seen it happen at night i've never i've seen it twice in my life and both times at night

is it one so they got one big tanker truck truck to like put a bunch of gas underneath the gas station? Yeah. They just have like, there's one pool that goes to all of them. Is it giving you the three octanes and diesel all from the same truck? This is where I'm assuming that there's no such thing. And that it just says octane and, you know, shellvitis or whatever they help with. Yeah, they put shellvitis in it. They put shell vitus in it. They put Retsin in it.

It's the only gas with Retsin. Well, that brings us to the end of this here episode. Kelly, thank you so much for being our guest. Oh my god, thank you so much for having me back. Anytime. Is there anything that you would like to promote

coming up? Well, my improv show died with the death of Little Mountain Gallery. But I'm doing a theater show next summer. This summer. Yeah, that's right. Fresh out of it. Happy New Year, guys. Back at you. I'm doing Kiki Boots at the Stanley with the Arts Club Theater Company.

Actually, the last time I was on this podcast I had just auditioned for the show and you nailed it and I got it and it was supposed to be a couple years ago

but then it kept getting postponed anyway it should hopefully happen this summer oh that's excellent yeah yay you play the title role

Kinky Boots I play the boot yeah I'm just a boot I'm a little boot in britain stop stop stop um and uh do we we don't have to play oh we're we're in short amount of time we're going to be at wind eruption in edmonton alberta canada if it's still going on we'll see yeah uh but if it is going on we're going to be there and if it's not going to be there we're still going on we'll see yeah uh but if it is going on we're gonna be there and if it's not

gonna be there we're still gonna show up yeah we're gonna uh sign autographs yeah do an acapella show outside the venue um i love that also i just want to encourage everyone to watch family law yeah on global it's not i mean it already aired but I believe they're re-showing it, and it's available on the global TV app. There you go. I should be paid for that. You should. You are. Yeah.

Well, thank you again so much, and thank you, listeners, for tuning into the show. I hope you have a very happy New Year and keep those resolutions until February 5th. And should all... Let's vote. Should all acquaintance be forgotten? Yeah, I say yeah. Absolutely. I vote yes. Enjoy your

holiday time. Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.