Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 737 - Charlie Demers
Episode Date: May 3, 2022Comedian and writer Charlie Demers returns to talk about writing seven books, the Velvet Underground Documentary, and rookie waiters. Plus, it’s week 2 of MaxFunDrive 2022. Support the show at maxim...umfun.org/join.
Transcript
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 737 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, boy, he's catching the Max Fundry fever, Mr. Dave Shumka.
I did have a bit of a fever this week, yeah.
That's right, yeah. It was March Madness that you had or it was Spring Fever?
Yeah, no, I had a bit of Spring Fever, some March Madness.
I had a bit of Lover's Quarrel.
Let's see, what else?
I had Yidropsie.
And I had, you know, I was crazy for Swayze.
Yes, that's right, I forgot about that.
It is week two of the MaxFunDrive.
We take two weeks a year to remind everyone
that they can join up at
MaximumFun.org slash
join. Come and get all
the bonus content we've been
putting out all year and we
will continue to put up. Oh yeah
and you don't want to miss this year's bonus content.
This is big. This is
huge. Look,
have we started a 14
part series where we watch every episode of mr bean you'll
have to find out so look maximumfund.org join our guests today one of the all-time greats one of our
favorite favorites to have here on the podcast comedian, raconteur, host, everything that you wanted to be and more,
Mr. Charlie Demers.
Hello.
Hello.
Also, I did ask you to say Flenner, but we can edit that in.
Yeah, that's right.
It's so exciting to be here, and I'm just so excited about the Mr. Bean marathon.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just so excited about the Mr. Bean marathon. Yes.
Ever since I was a teenager, I thought, what is it if some substitute teacher slipped Mr. Bean into the TV
to kill 45 minutes?
I thought, what is this lacking?
An audio track, some sort of commentary.
And so I think you're doing a real service.
Yeah.
So, yeah, we're going through the whole thing.
We're counting every word that is spoken so far. I think the,
the record is a record low is 16 words.
Yeah.
In a whole episode.
Like,
you know,
a teacher had given up on you when they popped in something like that for you
to watch,
like watch last night's Veronica's closet.
I want to know what the like annual holiday Salmonella count of like uncles or even wacky dads recreating the turkey over the turkey.
Like what was the, you know, at one point those were the two like COVID and turkey over the head were the number one emergency room drivers in the United Kingdom at Christmas.
I think you would, yeah, you would suffocate before you'd get salmonella.
You'd bring the baster in there, you'd be okay.
Well, this sounds like, I mean, if this isn't maximum fun content, I don't know what is.
This experiment.
Yeah, this is some juicy stuff.
Literally juicy.
I mean, deadly juices it's a little bit dark but a little bit white like mr b
uh should we get to know oh sure why not
get to know us now charlie you you're you're always, you know, you're always making jokes.
You're always writing books.
What the listeners want to know is, are you happy?
Oh, no!
Any, literally any question but that.
Are you in the midst of writing?
Are you writing a new book?
Are you in the midst of writing? Are you writing a new book? Are you in the midst of writing anything?
So right now I'm in the hammock between having.
So I just released a new comedy album called I Hope I Don't Remember This My Whole Life.
And that's it.
So it's a direct quote from Josephine, my daughter, that the line comes up on
the album and hopefully I won't
spoil it and it'll still be funny
when it comes up on the album
but yeah, so that came out from
604 Records
towards the end of March and
then in June, at the beginning
of June, I have a new
book coming out called Noonday
Dark and so it's a sequel to at the beginning of June, I have a new book coming out called Noonday Dark.
And so it's a sequel to the murder mystery that I did called Primary Obsessions.
And so those are the two big things happening kind of in the first half of this year.
I don't know why I said the first half of this year,
as though I have any plans for the second half of this year.
Yeah, I begin my Vegas residency.
What are your plans for the second half of this year yeah i begin my vegas residency and what are your plans for q3 um but uh so yeah this is the kind of like uh this is the the moment i guess where
any uh bit of productivity that i was able to kind of muster during the uh you know big kind of
down pandemic times uh comes to uh fruition hopefully um so uh how many books is
this now for you um i i think it's this will be if you count a book that i co-wrote i think this is
the seventh book so more like six and a half is what i'm it's more like six and a half is what i'm like yeah this guy's rounding up yeah
like when your kid is immediately i'm basically seven
no my kids will hold on to six and a half forever they'll be like am i six and a half yet
and like no you're two that's tough asking all these questions um but uh so i know a lot of people who've written a book and
they say it's the hardest thing yeah and but they're all so happy uh so i guess why did i even
ask but isn't it the the saying is like it's nice to have written a book but writing a book is yeah
the most awful does it get is it the hardest thing ever when you're doing your seventh?
Or are you now, are you like James Patterson cranking them out?
Yeah, well, I've got a team.
There's a Charlie mold and we just fill it.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I've got a team.
I'm basically just throwing premises out to these young, young kids.
I mean, the most of them refresh you out of school. I say, okay, a baker has to dismantle a bomb that's in a cake that was sent to the president.
Go.
I need 70,000 words.
Oh, yeah.
And Bill Clinton wants to co-write it.
So put a little bit of, put a cigar in it.
So, no, I mean, it's, so it's not, it's not easy. I mean,'s so it's not
easy I mean I write short books
so maybe that's
maybe I'm rounding up even more
criminally like it's six and a half but really
it should be like three
how many of them were flip books
I mean
if you mean I began with one
loyalty, like it's a spy novel where the guy goes
forget it, forget Her Majesty, I'm going with Russia.
Then all of them.
I would love to write a children's book.
I think that would be fun.
I think you then get into write a children's book i think that would be fun um that counts as even less no yeah that's i think
you can then get into a lot of once you have a like a single digit word count um but i think it's
it's hard i mean it's hard to do it well because it's like writing a song like i mean i think
because uh like as a comedian you think oh i can like, and because we do goofy songs, you think,
oh,
I could write a song.
And then you try and write.
I've never thought that.
No,
you never thought,
like the lyrics to a song.
Sorry,
not the music.
Graham and I wrote 12 songs together.
That's right.
I forgot about that.
And then we,
you're talking to Spartacus here.
We started our own label and then,
you know what?
We broke up and a lot of people blame my girlfriend.
Yeah, that's true. Sallyally but she is an incredible artist i will yes that's right on her own
yeah yeah yeah um yeah so uh i think it's incredible that you've written so many
oh well i mean thank you and uh it's it's a um you know, it's just nobody asks you to stop officially.
Like they do with stand-up.
They're constantly saying, okay.
Exactly.
Like, yeah, it's time to, you know, you've made your point.
So, yeah, you know, it's, I still, there's never any feeling like at the beginning when you, like the first time you get a box of your own books, like it's just, you can't believe it's happening.
The first time you go into a bookstore and your book is on the shelf.
And then there are like little things like that.
Like the first time, the first time I was in store in another country and and the book was there and
and and like that shit those kind of little bits and pieces so these two books the the the the uh
dr budro mysteries the two um it's it's a it's a mystery series with a hero based on my um
my real life uh psychologist uh these are the first pretty stoked about that
like yeah like she was very uh like um and people kind of figured it out immediately um and so they
were like bringing it up in sessions with her like the first um when the first book came out
they're like so are you like uh solving mysteries now uh but uh these were the first this
was the first time i sold uh rights um in the united kingdom and uh uh uh so yeah
exactly so i'm hoping that i can do an audiobook for um in that voice that um adam buxton uh very Adam Buxton very kindly the very specific
pay accent that
I'll do
the, she walked into the room
and said, this is all
rubbish. I mean,
I can finally
justify all of that dialogue.
People were like, why is this so?
Why have you spelled curb?
K-E-r-b
why that's really like i mean i i as a canadian we spell so many words the british way yeah
we're never gonna do curb with a k we're never gonna do tire with a y no or jail with a g-a-o-l
that's the one that sends me flying.
I've never seen that before.
Yeah.
That's how they pronounce it.
I went to jail.
Jail.
Went to gaol.
When I was a kid, there'd be like a comic book that my aunt would send us and all the
prisoners in the comic book there, instead of stripy, which was the standard, they have
arrows that point up.
They're completely covered in what
yeah yeah yeah so it's always like uh what the what the fuck is that about but then what are
the stripes about that that's not better well just i think they're just trying to make a prison as
unflattering as possible oh sure that's all it is So then not only are you doing 30 to life,
you also feel a little, oh, come on.
Yeah.
Yeah, nobody looks good in orange.
Crime is vain.
Yeah.
So it's so exciting when you get that first box of books.
How many boxes of books do you have?
You get one box of books per book.
But I used to play in bands, and I still have boxes of CDs.
Those are going to come back in fashion, though.
But they weren't in fashion at the time.
No one wanted mine.
I know, but it's coming back.
You can sell it as, like, you didn't quite catch this new generation. You can hang this from your rearview mirror and it'll, you know, confuse the radar gun.
Yeah, or you can hang it on trees and that'll spook away crows.
Are these both true?
Is that why?
Because I have seen the CDs hanging from trees.
Yeah, that's what it is.
Is that for crows?
Crows or, yeah, I think it's's gross because they spin and catch the light or
something it's always mr jones yeah no you keep that one you put the next album out on the tree
it's been a long december
i didn't know that about uh the radar um i don't know if it works either. I think I saw that on Mythbusters once.
That's the first time I had heard of it, and they were like, nope.
But you can beat a radar by going backwards, right?
Because they can only count you if you're going forward.
Yes, yes.
That guy was reversing at 140 all the way down the highway.
Our hands are tied.
I was trying to get Cameron's dad's Ferrari back to normal.
That was such a stretch.
I mean, that movie is full of stretches,
but that we were meant to believe that they thought that by running the car
in reverse you would set the odometer back they do it for a while before they notice that it's
not working you would do it for about uh you know 30 seconds 30 seconds weren't they in the hot tub
kind of uh getting loose wasn't that during their reverso time were they doing drugs?
no they were just getting loose muscles
you know
that was the
heroin scene right?
is this Requiem for a Dream?
I'm always confused
because it was just coming out of the 70s
Requiem for a Dream
that's the ideal double feature
they both have beautiful brunettes
yeah
also the dad speaking of the brunette
when she's in the cab
I don't think that's who Dave
I thought you thought that's who Dave meant
because he's more of a silver fox
but like
he sees her in the cab and she kind of makes
eyes at him, but don't they know
her from Ferris Bueller
dating?
Please don't find any holes in this movie.
You guys were just talking
about the optometer.
I feel like I was just
joining in the fun. And don't they know
his mannequin? I mean,
they know he has a mannequin that's right
or do they imagine getting the snoring your pre-taped snoring sounds like i guess i'll put
the speaker in my bed like he didn't though no that's true it's just a mannequin in the bed. Mannequin in the bed, snoring with the
alarm,
or speaking to them
in the intercom. That was kind of like a
next level kind of
thing. Yeah.
You gotta respect that. I respect everything
about him. I respect when he's jumping over the
fences, then he runs past
some ladies, goes back, introduces himself.
That was in 1986 1986 and have you ever worked one of those intercoms in someone's house yeah yeah yeah 35 years i have like i've
tried them and they're never the person always has to be like okay stop pushing the button when
i'm talking yeah there's never anything like in a Batman movie
or something where somebody goes to visit
Bruce Wayne that they're like, uh, Bruce Wayne
please.
One second.
He gets a call on the red
phone where it's like,
Commissioner, where are you in your house?
Because I cannot, I can't hear
anything you're saying. I'm at the gates of your house. I was at, Commissioner, where are you in your house? Because I can't hear anything you're saying.
I'm at the gates of your house.
I was at, so I'm on the Nextdoor app,
which is an app that people complain about.
What is it?
So it's basically an app for,
you put in your postal code.
You're actually supposed to put in your real
name and real address and I did not do
that but I got pretty
close. I don't see why anything could have
happened if you done that.
And then people post
like it's always complaining
like 99% of it is
someone stole my bike. Here's
a security cam picture.
I called the police. The police won't do anything.
Be on the lookout for these people.
So it's like a neighborhood watch 2.0.
Yeah, it's, uh, there's, you know, I guess there's,
I do it mostly as a curiosity.
There's a bad vibe to it.
It feels very kind of elitist or or um right like anti
poor people look at these guys what are they doing in uh yeah it's a lot of in my basement
it's a lot of like not only not just people stealing bikes but i feel like this guy might
steal a bike yeah yeah yes keep an eye on
tony i want to say yeah a lot of pre-crime yeah which can get you pregnant by the way yeah that's
right um you're hanging out in the hot tub the but there was one this morning that was uh a picture of these three like 11 year olds and it said these
teenagers have been have been uh like pranking my elderly mother they had their faces blurred out
but these three teenagers have been pranking my elderly mother what what's what can anyone
suggest a solution i bought alcohol for them and now they're doing this to my house, these teens.
God damn it.
And they just ring the doorbell and run away.
But the solutions were, one of them was, put up a sign that says,
You're scaring my elderly mother.
Who wouldn't love that sign?
What is the purpose of sharing a blurred out photo of three 11-year-olds?
Why not just say, children are scaring my mother?
I know.
I guess it was like, do you recognize these jogging pants?
But one of the solutions someone wrote was, install a locking gate.
That seems pretty extreme
okay so what
let's troubleshoot
what could we do for
somebody who's got
an infestation of 11 year olds
you know what they say
if there's
no thing that can stop
three teenagers is a good guy with a gun
so that's
I mean it is
commensurate with
you know
giving an old lady the heebie jeebies
you've had your chance
to be productive members of society yeah i'm giving you three seconds to
get the fuck off my program yeah i mean this to me this sounds like a case for encyclopedia brown
if we could get him on the on on the case uh but i mean is there something could you set a little
trap for them like Something that they,
a tripwire that makes
snoring sounds come out?
You know, it's just like,
what do they love that game that's all blocks?
Oh, Minecraft!
With some Minecraft
situations in the
box and they'll rummage through
and then it shoots a dart
into your neck.
Yeah. One of those, a giant
log comes swinging down, or two giant
logs come swinging down and crush you.
I guess you could
put up a sign. Like, the thing
that would scare me off would be
human contact. Like, if
the elderly woman was just, like,
outside waiting in her nightgown
oh god she's a real person yeah and you all all she has to do is rock back and forth and say i
warned you i tried to warn you because also like kids think that uh a house with an old lady
they think that's a witch house right yeah you Yeah. You got to just play up. You got to play one of those spooky sound effects,
playlist,
thriller and whatnot.
Ghostbusters.
We didn't know it was Ray Parker Jr.'s house.
I stole this from Huey
Lewis too.
You just
woke up Ray Parker Sr.
You're freaking him out.
Or you know, you could
do the thing that you do with dogs. You can put a bunch of
pennies in a Coke can and
shake that to try and get the kids over.
A spritz bottle? Pennies in a coke can and uh shake that to try and get the kids a spritz bottle
pennies in a coke can uh feels like um like you know if if if uh frank sinatra and sid vicious
had ever done like a genuine uh collaboration like yeah what would the song be called pennies
in a coke can is fucking oh like what the uh like it just sounds it sounds
like a halfway romantic halfway uh halfway right yeah pennies in a coke can sounds like it does
sound like uh like uh maybe a tom waits title or something yeah like a punk ballad yeah tom waits
is kind of like the sid vicious frank sinatra yeah that's true if you
mix those two together that's what you get um charlie do you uh do you have your neighborhood
is very close everybody knows each other in your neighborhood and uh which is very i i find that
very uh wonderful and uh because i don't know anybody in my building well we all know each
other in the in the co-op, right?
Because everybody's on committees with each other and stuff like that.
But there's also a ton of kids who are all within this kind of five-year range.
And so they all go out and play and and like so it on a sunny weekend you just like the kids just go outside
and and terrorize old ladies yeah i find that when kids come out and play you got to keep them
separate counterpoint well i mean uh dave it's a little offensive i mean you were talking about my offspring
take the rest of the podcast off you too hey charlie get a job
dave you are pretty fly for a white guy
i uh this is a a new spin-off podcast that that Dave and I are working on called the Pop Punk Volley.
Is there a worse opening?
It came on the radio the other day, and it's just the most unpleasant thing to hear is the opening line.
My friend's got a girlfriend and he hates that bitch.
Oh, man.
They got so,
um,
yeah,
they were the worst of that.
Uh,
I,
cause I remember like I,
there was,
there was,
there were one or two offspring albums that I,
um,
I,
you know,
as like a teenager,
uh,
quite enjoyed.
They were in that,
like they were in that just kind of middle area of like,
they weren't quite like you had to go to some community hall in Lynn Valley to
hear about them.
Like they weren't like totally on underground,
but,
but they hadn't quite become like sort of blink one 82,
but mean.
And then,
and then they just became like,
it was like,
what the hell is it like it was
it's like they heard blink 182 and they're like we should be funny and then they just said mean
yeah like when people like people men this rarely happens with women it's almost always men
who when they find out they're talking to a comedian they're like oh yeah yeah you
fuck face like they're just like they just think they have to be awful do you know who my favorite comedian is offspring
dexter holland
and also what kind of name is like dexter holland i mean that's he sounds like uh
like the mean kid yeah exactly he sounds like the mean kid
in a like 80s camp movie like dexter holland sounds like his dad owns like the textile works
yeah i think he's in caddyshack three um he's also i know I've mentioned it on the podcast, but he's like, he's an IQ, like, he's an actual genius.
Yeah, well, he's got
like an advanced
degree in physics or something.
Yeah, and he also can fly a plane
and has his own celebrated
hot sauce, his own brand of hot
sauce. But then he
went to get a tattoo, he asked for a 13
and he got a 31.
Yeah, it's true, so it's weighted back and forth.
I love that.
That's a,
I,
first of all,
I would not have had him pegged for a genius,
but second,
I love it when people are a genius and then,
and then we all know about it.
Like,
so clearly he's like Dexter Holland is leaking his mental.
That's right.
He's leaking this to the press.
I also like,
uh,
like,
Oh yeah,
he's a genius.
He's a pilot.
He's got an advanced degree.
He's got a very good hot sauce.
Like there's a big drop off.
I don't know.
Does anybody on this podcast have a very well good selling hot sauce?
I mean,
it's got to take some sort of,
uh,
you know,
what's his hot sauce called? i don't know oh man i hope it's something offspring related at least yeah yeah um they got
to keep you separated that's all that's all i know that was my only reference i could throw
into this back and forth yeah dexter holland's opus uh it's called gringo bandito oh wow that certainly fits in yeah i feel like we all should have been
able to figure that out yeah yeah i mean there should be some kind of ixnay on the ombre
man you are a trove of offspring references i'm not sure I could have had that many when I was 14.
Yeah.
Well, I hadn't released Dixie on the ombre yet.
That's true.
So, Charlie, it's been at least a year since we've chatted with you.
Aside from writing a book and releasing an album, what else has been going on with you? Tell us a tale.
Oh,
I don't know if you want a tale.
I mean,
this...
Tell us some folklore then.
Yeah.
Let me tell you about Paul Bunyan.
He was my next door neighbor,
and boy,
what a mess he made of my yard.
His mom scared
easy.
I, you know, it's not
things, I mean,
things aren't good, right? Like, I mean,
it's not,
it's, this is
very much a time for
the simple pleasures in life,
and them pleasures keep getting simpler.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, you know, yeah, I mean, it has been really nice
with things kind of starting to get a bit more normal
in terms of getting to see friends,
and family stuff is, is nice. So, um, uh, we,
we went to, uh, we went to a, uh, a wedding that, you know,
Josephine was, uh, you know,
was asked to be a flower girl for a wedding that was postponed three times.
It was my wife, Kara's cousin's wedding. So, you know,
when she was asked to be a flower
I was like, I get to be a flower girl?
And now it's like, come on,
we gotta get these petals all
over this aisle. If not
this is gonna be a total wipeout.
You know, and like, it was a
You raised her carny, right?
That was your religion.
Exactly, yeah.
Well, reformed carny. But she uh you know you know and and we
drove from toronto to montreal to go see my grandmother and and that was lovely my dad um
and his partner drove down from halifax to meet us there and so there you know there are nice
things but even like going back east it was it was like traveling back in time in the pandemic
like like things were so much worse out there like they really went through like ontario went
through like total lock like when they went through lockdowns it wasn't like you can't go
to a restaurant it was it was like they were locked down and and you you drove out east with
uh a few hundred of your trucker buddies. Yeah.
Honking all the way.
I would say we were kind of a liberty squadron.
That's not exactly the word.
But no, it was, you know, anyway, it was, it's, they're just like, and this is what life is always like, right?
But it's. A box box of chocolate i know this one
it's uh yeah and one of them but they're all with toothpaste right who was it to put the
toothpaste in the chocolate uh as a prank was that a famous prank or is that an anonymous prank
that would actually taste good as far as I'm concerned
mint and chocolate
great prank you guys this is delicious
you know it's like
life is
you know
I love having a you know Josephine
is 8 now and so
I have like a yeah like a legit you know kid right, I, you know, Josephine is, is eight now. And so I have like a, yeah,
like a legit,
you know,
um,
kid.
Right.
And I mean,
you,
you know,
you know what this is like,
David's like the,
the,
almost all the baby fumes are just like burnt off.
Like you just,
now you have like a real kid and that's,
you know,
that,
that's really fun.
And,
and,
um,
you know,
then there were also like, uh, challenges that, that come with that. And, fun and and um you know then there were also like uh challenges that
that come with that and and and uh i don't know i mean it's like i i don't i don't want to lie
right i don't want to say like oh it's been a wonderful time it's been a really tough time
it's it's like i so yeah joji went through her terrible twos and now she's in her hateful eights right she's in there she's in the hateful eights and uh you know what i'm just
trying to turn her into the inglorious bastard we had pictured when we were pregnant yeah i mean
you really gotta wait you gotta i mean it's gonna be a tough couple years because you know seven
eight nine yeah that's true um i you were talking about growing out of those,
the last few baby fumes.
I,
uh,
Poppy,
my five-year-old today,
I,
I was like,
Oh,
I wonder if she still has like little baby fists.
She does.
Yeah.
So you challenged her to a fight.
Yeah.
She doesn't have knuckles that stick out yet.
It was,
it was nice to,
Oh,
she also drops her left hand. So that's when you want to work yeah um i you posted a picture uh josephine lost two teeth the other day yeah in one day
i because margo lost a few teeth a while like she lost i guess she's lost six or eight teeth this is also boxing related
yeah yeah but then it's been like 10 months or a year since she's lost any and we kind of were like
is that it yes yes these two that she lost in one day were the first in a year like so at the
beginning of the pandemic if you look at pictures of josephine she's got like three
teeth in her mouth by the way listeners don't yeah you look up pictures of these this guy's
kid no yeah i don't want that to be the uh google um you know when you do like uh if you put your
name into google and then it also says what people search yeah for a For a long time, it was, it would say if I put in Charlie Demers would autofill wife.
Uh-huh.
Um,
like,
so people wanted to see if I really did have that kind of king of Queens
situation.
Sure.
Uh,
your eyes were getting weary at the time.
Back was getting tight.
Yeah.
A little bit.
Um,
uh,
but,
uh,
the,
she, so she had like no, so her whole, the whole shape of her face tight. Yeah. A little bit. Um, uh, but, uh, the, she,
she,
so she had like no,
so her whole,
the whole shape of her face changed.
Right.
So she went into the,
uh,
pandemic with like chubby little kid face and a whole bunch of baby teeth.
And then like,
you know,
the,
her face leaned out and she lost all her teeth and they came in like,
you know,
and then she's got a retainer so
she had a um she went to law school and we wanted to keep her around and and uh so um that was my
like uh kind of you know if i if i had to you know do like a 60s uh or or like a karnak thing of what is my daughter and a
corporate lawyer have in common
an expensive
retainer.
But she, so she
just looks completely different from
the beginning of the
beginning of the pandemic.
Also, she used to be blonde.
Yeah, that's true. I forgot that she was
a blonde.
It's a change blonde do you guys remember like tonguing
the tooth that was just like
just hanging around
and you're just trying to push it out a little bit
do you remember tonguing the gum after it
after the tooth was so slimy
that's totally
that's like a real sense memory
like all of a sudden I just you're just like kind of pushing on it, but you don't, you don't want it to go flying out of your head.
Yeah.
We should have a segment on the show where we just reminisce about tonguing things.
Tongues for the memories, it would be called.
I remember the first time I pulled out a tooth for her and immediately that
feeling was like,
Oh my God.
Like I remember that so distinctly.
Was it loose or?
Yeah.
I wanted to get the tooth fairy stuff that like I knew harder financial times
were coming.
So I was like,
listen,
if you want this to work,
you got to cooperate. So I just like, listen, if you want this to work, you got to cooperate.
So I just started yanking her teeth out by hand.
But she, but like when I pulled that tooth, it was like,
I was instantly six years old again. Like that feeling of like just the tiniest bit of resistance,
but mostly given that we like, it's an uncanny thing like when you're
losing your teeth it's it's it's very eerie like and they're like the the thing the the smile on
their face as their mouth is bleeding oh yeah it's eerie it's also that weird you know they've
got that weird smile where there's some adult teeth poking in and there's still a couple baby teeth or just a gap yeah there's no tooth tough age tough age that yeah
but uh certainly dentally yes did she break her retainer yet or is it still in the future no no
she's been uh mostly the only issues are um uh if if if kara takes her alone to the orthodontist uh like instead of me
driving them uh or me driving josephine like if it's just me if because kara doesn't have a license
so if if kara takes her on the bus she has one time left the retainer she left the retainer on
the bus oh so that's where you want to yeah but anyway i'm now working with pixar on kind of a
you know the retainer on the bus kind of what sort of adventures did it have
where did it go yeah as soon as you take it out of your mouth yeah a retainer on a public uh bus
you know it has its little sidekick is this little um you know e-coli bacteria cluster that uh yeah anyway it's just a toothbrush is
trying to track down the retainer because they're best friends this sounds pretty good actually
yeah yeah and it's just you know basically we're hoping if we can scare kids off of public transit
we'll have done our job randy newman uh has written written oh see we were talking earlier about like root tootin bootin
like uh it would be but root r-o-u-t-e uh like root tootin uh anyway that's what randy newman's
working on for okay okay something with kind of a root tootin bus route tootin uh
um anyway it's all still kind of early uh development but uh we have been greenlit
oh good congratulations but only for the bustling who's uh who's attached to star
who's interested in this project um so selena gomez is voicing the retainer okay
we lost gilbert godfrey uh oh yes as our um bacteria cluster which um is uh as you know a
huge um a huge loss and you know how perfect he would have been so yeah now we're thinking you
can kind of construct that out of his old uh ranting yeah i mean i think that would be the
tasteful thing to do uh kind of a posthumous cybernetic reconstruction. I know, I think
we're going to go in a completely
different direction.
We're going to go, I know, is Bob Hoskins
also dead? Yes, unfortunately he is also dead.
I was going to say Bob Hoskins. Oh man, he is.
All the best. We're down to the
real dregs. Yeah.
Fine, you know what? We'll bring in Will Smith.
We'll get Will Smith on the cheap.
Nice. He was good as that
genie in that other movie everybody loves that yeah and uh yeah it's gonna be great my favorite
gilbert godfrey because i opened for him uh years and years ago and he was on like the breakfast
show and he told uh at the end of the interview he said uh, uh, yeah, if you want to know more, you can check it out on my blob.
And that's really,
he really didn't know the word blog.
Check it out on my blob.
It wasn't a joke.
He thought it was a blob.
Oh,
wow.
He was so,
um,
like I,
I met him one time.
He was like at,
um,
at the comedy mix. I don't know if it was the comedy mix yet. It might still have been yuck yucks at the time. He was at like at the comedy mix.
I don't know if it was the comedy mix yet.
It might still have been Yuck Yucks at the time.
It was like,
it was on like a pro am night or something like one of those nights where
there's like nine comics in the green room.
And he just quietly smiling,
sat in the kind of,
you know,
everyone was excited to see him,
but he would just kind of give you a little wave and a nice,
and he just sat there so quietly the whole time and then he
went out on stage and was exactly gilbert godfrey like he was like just precisely him so i always
wondered what how different he was off like because he was just uh he was like a little boy
like he was so small and he just sat there so quietly and just very politely
smiling at everyone.
Yeah.
It's a,
but there are people there,
you,
we know people like that who are different offstage and onstage.
Not everyone's you,
Charlie.
Yeah,
that's right.
Or it's just seamless transition.
But it was my just brand consistency across platforms.
Yeah,
that's true.
Yeah.
My thing is that I,
you know, I go up there and I rant. I really like backstabbed. I's true. Yeah. My thing is that I, you know,
I go up there and I rant.
I really like back.
Yeah.
I'm nice and quiet.
And I go up there.
Listen up.
Cox is how I always start my routine.
Here's some shit.
Listen up.
Cox.
All right.
Sheeple.
Yeah.
What I do,
I go,
I talk about tools.
I grunt,
but off stage, Ian yeah talk about appliance
um yeah it's uh anyway sweet man uh yeah um do you because you have a child and i know
dave also has two children are you is the disney
channel always on in your house is disney plus just a constant or you know what we just got
access to it we um my dad because we didn't know you're allowed to um they have up to three
whatever's on uh right on one account and so my dad was like you know you can watch the uh
so we we have had it on she's watched encanto maybe like conservatively like 15 16 times so
that is on a lot but the main thing that she's been watching on disney plus is with me, we've been watching a bunch of the early Simpsons and she loves it.
And that has been very, very fun. Uh, cause she's, and then she wants me to do quizzes
for her about the Simpsons. So she, she says, quiz me about the Simpsons. And so then I have
to come up with questions about the Simpsons that are in that sweet
spot of not insulting to her
but then also not
too hard because you'll go
like, oh, what
color is Lisa's dress? And it's like, come on
dad, you're too red.
But then you go, what
is
the Simpsons
minister's name? And then she'll give you these kind of like
scared eyes for just a split second like she forgets that there are no stakes and so it's
it's if there it's if it's a slightly harder question it's multiple choice
that is a very weird like like sweet spot of having i thought the hard questions were like okay so
Dan Castanella came up with
Joe but what does it say in
the script?
Do you know the answer to that question?
Annoyed Grunt
Really?
And he came up with Doe
And his original voice for
Homer was inspired by
Walter Matthau.
So that's a weird little.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was doing Walter Matthau.
Ask Joji if she knew that.
She loves Walter Matthau.
Remember, he would talk like, hey there, Bart.
How do you tell it?
Like, if you get the gig for something like they're like yeah we
like that that's what it is for our show and then you just slowly entirely change or like
around season two are they like we're we don't like the voice anymore but we're gonna keep you
yeah we we're obligated to keep you so if you're were also like, we're going to slowly wean this off being a show that's primarily about
church.
Right.
But then the other thing that they,
uh,
like I didn't,
I didn't know,
like,
and I,
you know,
as you know,
I'm a,
I'm a super fan of the Sopranos,
but,
but Tony's voice also changed.
Like they did a huge,
a big long hiatus and,
and he like,
and there are like videos about this on YouTube.
Well, he got his adult teeth.
Right.
That's right.
He got made.
Between the pilot and...
That's what they mean when they say you got made.
It's like when your grown-up teeth come in.
You got your button.
That's your molars.
And then you go back and you watch
and you're like oh yeah he's doing an entirely different voice in the first season and
he was just doing walter mathau and he was just doing g Gottfried as Iago.
I don't think we can make Christopher.
That's the only celebrity impression that I have at the moment is Gilbert Gottfried on Sopranos.
Did you watch The Many Saints of Newark?
Oh, yeah, I did.
I didn't.
I tried. It is. you watch the many saints of newark oh yeah i did i didn't i tried it is so i was watching it and joe and kara so i saw it in the theaters did you ask here's a good question a trivia question to ask
hey what is many saints in italian yeah she she says uh like i i watched in the theater and then i
i watched in theater and i was very unsettledled by how lukewarm I felt about it.
I was like, was that not good?
Because I was so excited about it, and I was like, I don't know.
And then I was thinking about it and trying to be generous.
I watched it again when it came out on Crave. On Laserdisc?
Well, no. All my Laserdiscs are on Crow Duty.
Kara was
in the background while I had it on. Literally, she turns to me at one point and she says,
what is this shitty Goodfellas ripoff
you were watching? And I i said this is the sopranos
movie it was it was so bad it was so bad and it starts if you like the very first scene is like
it's somebody it's christopher talking from beyond the grave in gilbert godfrey's voice yeah i can't
believe i'm not here anymore And they're all like
Hey
All the old mobsters are like
Hey, do you think we should be the Sopranos?
Yeah, good idea
I've always wondered how it started
Yeah, they see a bunch of people singing choir
And they're like
That's kind of weird
We're a group like them
Guys, I woke up this morning
I got myself a gun.
How about we call ourselves the Castratos?
Okay, not quite.
We're close though.
Let's workshop this.
Okay, we got the Sopranos, but I've been kind of doodling in my notebook.
What if the R was a little handgun?
It got us t-shirts it was not good it was um and and and
he the son michael gandolfini right he was great he was he was like which on paper should have been
the riskiest part of the thing like that like oh come on this is gonna be so corny like to have the guy's son who's you know and and instead he was fantastic like he was very
i thought it was it was his two sons in an overcoat yes yeah on each other's shoulders
that was some that was put out by the the studio to confuse people right sometimes they send the
real it's got a completely different name.
This is,
yeah,
this is way of,
uh,
tricking us.
And then when it was just the one guy,
people were thrilled.
Yeah.
It was a CGI.
It was,
it was,
I just thought it was Jar Jar Binks that they had in the,
um,
but it is,
there is something very,
uh,
uh,
a phantom menace about the,
uh,
the many saints in Newark it was like this thing came out
the way that you were like oh you uh i thought you knew everything and then and and but but the
thing was i mean at that and when when phantom menace came out like george lucas had made like
you know six hours of that story right the surprise The Sopranos was 86 hours of over...
And a lot of those hours, they're 86ing people.
Thank you.
No, they changed their name to the Whitecaps.
That is, I mean, that's the nichest joke I could possibly have engineered because also the season 4
finale episode of the Sopranos
was called Whitecaps
so it's kind of a perfect joke
for the Vancouver
soccer fan
Sopranos
crossover crowd
before we get to know what's going on
with Dave let's go to a little break from where are we get to know what's going on with dave let's go to a little break
from uh you know where we're going to talk about uh the max fun drive okay okay okay okay okay
okay it's time to get down to business yeah this look we've been flirting with different materials of tack. We've been getting down to copper tacks.
We've been getting down to flannel tacks.
But now it's time to give that to brass tacks.
Those flannel tacks do not hold.
No, and you know what?
They look good, though, but that's why you buy them.
You're like, oh, this will work with my outfit.
Yeah.
Well, everyone, like, on your watch, tool tool time and everyone thinks every week yes everyone
thinks tim is an idiot but al you know al does good work but then you look at it like these are
flannel tags yeah they're flannel and he um he had a beard when it was like kind of not a common
thing to have a beard but we salute you we salute you
yeah whiskery king he was uh sort of like i guess he was in the bob vila mold yes yeah oh
he helped uh fix up this old house of mine you did he yeah is that him bob vila that's him yeah
uh i always did good work yeah do you ever think he On camera but off camera
It was a fucking disaster
Oh the house or his
The house
What went wrong
He opened things up
He burst through walls
Took down pipes
Like the Kool-Aid man
Yeah kind of like the Kool-Aid man
Do you think Bob Vila
Ever got offered An endorsement deal from Vila?
That's all to say that we have, we're in week two of Max Fun Drive.
And we are a week two.
The two of us are not strong men.
That's true.
That's what our moving company was called.
Yeah, the week two.
And if you
are new to the show,
two weeks out of every year,
Maximum Fun appeals
to donors and members of
the show and new people as
well to support the show
because we like being supported we need
it i'm not gonna lie to you we need it yeah we need a lot some really big gambling debts and
we like being supported i don't know i hate it actually i wish i was independently wealthy
but i guess i need it. I crave it.
And, you know, this is,
in our case in particular,
we do this and no ads.
So this is our way to keep it ad-free.
So the MaxFunDrive is the time of year when we reach out to the people who love the show
and ask them to support it
because the way we make money on the show
is we have no ads.
We hate ads.
You listen to these shows with ads?
It's like they're getting pretty dirty these days.
Yeah, that's true.
There's been a lot of like massage wand this and leather that.
It's a lot of like debt consolidation up here.
Hoo-ha.
And, you know, interest rates.
Hey, when I start hearing ads, my interest rate drops.
Okay?
There we go.
This is the greatness that you maybe want to support.
This stuff that we're working on.
And a couple years ago, we decided that we were going to bet on our fans.
No more ads.
No more ads.
The fans are going to support the show.
And the fans have come through.
And if you want to join the rank of the fan who supports the show, you go to MaximumFun.org slash join.
The main thing that you can get if you support the show is a bunch of extra bonus episodes.
We do two a month and there's a big backlog of previous years of bonus shows.
And we know you're hungry for content.
Yeah.
You want it.
You want to sink your teeth into it.
So if you support the show, there's a ton of things you can get, including the bonus content.
We will go through all the member gifts later in the show,
but right now, if you want to support the show,
you go to MaximumFun.org slash join. You
say how much money you would like to support us with every month.
You choose the shows that you listen to, because all the shows you listen to split
the money equally, and then you can choose the shows that you listen to because all the shows you listen to split the money equally and
then you can choose the gifts that
you get and
Bob's your uncle. Actually Bob
Vila is not my uncle. He's a scammer
No, well he's
quite avuncular. He looks
like an uncle. Yeah, he
does look like an uncle. That's true.
Huh. Now that I think of it, maybe that's
how we trusted him so much.
Maybe that's where the phrase Bob's your uncle comes from.
Shit.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
This is the kind of joy we can bring into your life each and every week.
So, MaximumFun.org slash join while it's on your mind.
Do we want to get back to the show?
Sure.
Dave, what's going on with you?
Well, um...
Spin us a yarn.
Uh, not a heck of a lot.
I've been sick all week.
Oh, yeah.
And so I, uh, have you been sick at all?
Uh, Graham, you haven't had COVID.
No.
Charles? I don't intend to get it
I did have COVID
how did that treat you
it was like a medium severity
cold
that had like a long
tail
and big sharp teeth
like
it had like a long tail of like several weeks of kind of zapped energy
and kind of cloudy thinking.
And I don't want to get too into the details of this,
but it's possible that it has actually had some longer term effects as well.
I don't know for sure.
Like, but I got some kind of medical news a few weeks ago that,
that it is possible that it was linked to,
and I don't think there'll be any way of verifying whether it came from it,
but it was, yeah, I mean, it was, it's not good.
I mean, like I got it at Christmas and so it was, it was um yeah i mean it was it it's not good i mean like i got it at christmas and so
it was it was the it was the kind of less severe kind and i had already had my two shots at that
point and and um even josephine had one of her shots and and um it was you know uh yeah it was
it was it was tough yeah i'm sorry to hear that yeah yeah yeah I mean it's
yeah
it's
it's
not funny
sorry I'm telling you
I was in the midst of trying to make a joke
but I was like nah
why did I say any of that
so you know it's kind of like kind of makes you wonder well what if I'm getting that vibe. Why did I say any of that?
So, you know, it's kind of like, kind of makes you wonder, well, what if the Sopranos got COVID?
That might be a kind of fun sort of.
No.
Yeah.
It was.
So it.
So, yeah, we did get it.
And then I.
But then I was able to go to Calgary in January to do shows.
Oh, so.
Because I was like, well, I've already been through the fire.
I can go be a frontline worker.
But Dave, this isn't COVID as far as you know.
So I woke up last Saturday with a sore throat. Got yourself a gun.
I woke up this morning, got myself a gun, a gun of Kleenexes.
It had a sore throat. We have a bunch of Kleenexes. Uh, it had a sore throat.
We have a bunch of tests.
We have like a 20 pack of tests.
Plus the kids,
I each got five from their school.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
And I think we maybe had,
we got some like travel tests as well that,
uh,
well,
but so like,
I was like,
okay,
I'll,
I'll take a test this morning.
Nothing.
No,
no,
uh, it was negative. And then the next day I still like, okay, I'll take a test this morning. Nothing. No, it was negative.
And then the next day, I still had a weird sore throat.
And I was like, oh, maybe it's, maybe I'm developing something.
Took another test the next day.
Negative.
The next day, I was like, I had all the symptoms.
Sneezing, cold, coughing.
So, you can rest medicine.
Nausea, heartburnburn indigestion upset stomach diarrhea
speaking of the weird british spellings some of that diarrhea with an o in it i mean if any word
should have an o i don't know diarrhea diarrhea that's the irish spelling diarrhea um so uh then yeah i was very sick on the third day
took a test negative super sick on the fourth day i'd like that was the worst of it took a test
negative like at what point would you like i'm now on day seven yeah i've i did i didn't this is the first day i haven't
taken a test but like i just i'm i just feel like oh well i've i got the mucus so put it to use
yeah i mean there's still other illnesses right like it's not like covid came in and was just like sit down grandpa i'm making people sick
from here on out i know my sister-in-law got the norwalk virus she had already got covid and then
just like a week ago she had that so you're right like all the other viruses have taken a back seat
but some of them are making a comeback yeah yeah oh boy i you know i wish them well so i'm
i think i i think i'm just uh i'm getting over a cold but this week i i haven't been this sick in
a while because i on tuesday i just didn't do anything i just stayed home and watched tv and
i kept passing out watching tv and i never shit like in the middle of the day, I would just fall asleep for like, you know, five minutes at a time.
And then what?
Yeah.
Like a real nice, like senior activity, just like sitting in a chair, falling asleep a little bit.
And then boom, a group of 11 year old teenagers at the window.
teenagers at the window.
I can't remember if it was three 11-year-old teenagers or
11 3-year-old teenagers.
Or one 33-year-old.
Dying for your sins.
Yeah, thank you. The original
rebellious teen.
Yeah, when you said like,
and then on the third day, was even sicker i was like well
this is not the easter pattern uh but i did watch on that day when i kept passing out i watched the
velvet underground documentary i was wondering because yes yes
oh i thought you thought i was gonna say velvet Velvet Revolver, the slash band with Scott Weiland.
But I was like, I guess you posted that.
What's your dog's name?
Monster.
Monster.
So the video of Monster, like, I don't know, nodding off or I don't know what you call uh his response to the music but i was
like oh where do i know that tune like it was it like you know you just hear that on you know
that drone contextual drone and then and then i was like velvet underground um yeah my george
costanza response to uh oh it's the underground baby uh but yeah that was excellent have you did you see it or just
the video of the dog i just saw the video of the dog oh yeah sorry uh i did not see this video
no no my dog yeah he was just he was just uh you know kind of nodding off to the music of the
velvet underground and it's a band it's a band that i don't know a lot about i know some of the music
uh and i know they were like affiliated with andy warhol oh okay but they didn't mention the like
the famous thing about that everyone says about the velvet underground is that you know not very
many people who bought their album but everyone who did started a band started a band who is that and it was making
me think of like oh are there like things about you know not everyone uh who ate that food not a
lot of people ate that food but everyone who did started a restaurant yeah yeah it was one of those mashups between like a muffin and a croissant.
A cruffin?
Yeah, a cruffin.
Or a moissan.
Moissan sounds good, actually.
I love the idea of, yeah, the, because there are magazines like that, right? like a magazine with like a circulation of of
you know like a couple thousand but everyone who reads it is a is like a cabinet minister or
whatever so it has like an outside so like that yeah the idea of like just a totally outsized
like yeah i was not everyone did laser tag there but everyone who did laser tag there started a laser tag play yeah
or yeah like a video game it's like yeah like everyone who played this game went on to make
mario that's the documentary making mario i was thinking about uh podcasting and I was like, oh, is there a show that like, no, like we don't have a big audience.
A lot of our listeners make their own podcast, but it's not.
I think that's all podcasts.
I think so.
But then I was thinking about the time that at work, someone at Kelly and Kelly needed to go buy a microphone and they wanted to buy this microphone.
And the guy at Long and McQuaid was like, are you a Joe Rogan listener?
Everyone comes to the store, tries to buy this microphone because Joe Rogan said to buy this microphone.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
They have their creatine under their arm.
Yeah.
Can I get a tub of a microphone?
That's true.
It hadn't occurred to me like what that...
That's just like an unspeakably valuable product placement.
Because I guess on all of his YouTube clips and whatever,
you see the microphone, it's right there.
He doesn't even have to say, go buy the microphone it's right there. Like he doesn't even have to say,
go buy this.
Like it's just,
it's right there the whole time.
Yeah.
And you too can be Joe Rogan.
And I love that.
The,
one of the things that everybody seems to agree on is that Joe Rogan is
short.
That seems to be everyone like from fans to not fans,
everybody agrees.
Joe Rogan, tiny little guy.
Yeah.
I was in that same green room that I was in with Gilbert Gottfried.
I was in with Joe Rogan once.
For real?
Sure.
Yeah.
And he went, he went, I was on news radio.
No, he was, you know, he was quite pleasant.
And that night, kind of a heckler, sort of a proto-meathead.
I mean, because this was before he was a total household name.
I mean, he had already been on Fear Factor and News Radio and stuff. But this kind of early adopter meathead in the front row was being way kind of crazy.
And
when he was ejected
by the bouncer, the bouncer
basically put him
in a choke hold.
And Joe
Rogan was like, whoa!
That is
a little harsh.
So that was my, uh, um,
so that was my, uh,
up close Joe Rogan experience.
And you said,
who's saying that?
And then you look down and you're like,
Oh,
there he is.
But that's probably where he started doing his MMA commentary.
That's why,
that's how he got his cat trace.
Whoa,
that's a little harsh.
And the two of us sauntered up to the long and mcquade
a bucket of microphones is there a a type of documentary you could watch over and over i
could watch any band documentary i've watched the uh robert crumb documentary several times
oh like anything that's about uh there's also this one that i've watched
so many times and i still think it's hilarious is about this guy who's a forger of art and he's
very very good at it but then he donates them to like harvard's library or whatever as the real
thing and so they have no idea which ones are real, which ones are fake. Is he the Dutch guy?
No, he's an American guy.
And they've asked him repeatedly to stop doing this, but he's not doing anything illegal.
And he declines to stop doing it.
I like a Forger documentary, too.
There's a Dutch guy.
There's one about a, I think he's Dutch.
And he goes to the flea market and be oh this is uh some painting for by some like
amateur in the in belgium in 1929 right well uh then i need this canvas to do a uh like a
oh so that it can be tested yeah the canvas is from that year yeah oh wow and then it was uh you know
he does a banksy on it what's uh what's your favorite genre of documentary well orson wells
has that whole like f for fake which is about that art forger and then also it's about the guy
who wrote the fake umography of Howard Hughes.
Lately, I've been watching, I don't know,
I re-watched the Smartest Guys in the Room,
the Enron documentary, a bunch of it.
That's an incredible documentary.
And I'm sure there's a couple that I'm forgetting.
I'm trying to remember if I've got any up on my wall.
I'm looking at the wall of movies that I physically have.
But lately, I've been watching a bunch of...
So on Prime, they've got all of these maybe $15 budget mafia documentaries.
Just like this one with Sam Giancana's
daughters
and Sam Giancana was
basically at the
top of the Chicago mafia
and he was the one who had the same
girlfriend as JFK
and she
claimed in the 80s that she would take
money and messages between them
and stuff like that
this was a documentary produced by his like grand nephew involving his
his like daughter it was so weird and and so like i mean and really bad as a film but i i i can't um for some reason i can't get enough of uh like i as from the time i was a
kid i'm totally um just fascinated by uh any sort of like mafia story like that um even and this was
like you're watching you're like come on i could have put together a better movie than this.
Or then you start watching ones and they're using photos of the wrong people.
You're like, that's not... I know that photo that you're using.
That's not the person you say it is.
But I just...
In terms of a brainless thing to put on and sit in front of,
I can do that for endless,
endless amounts of time.
The,
um,
have you ever seen a documentary where they don't have the person,
uh,
that they're talking about,
but they have one photo that they keep referring to this one,
zooming in,
zooming out,
turning it into the black light,
gliding across it.
Or they don't have the music.
Well, this is a Jimi Hendrix
story, but we could only get
Chubby Checkers music.
That's twisting.
Like a Jimi Hendrix.
And twist he did with his guitar
ablaze.
Hendrix twisted the public's
idea of what rock and roll
could sound like.
It no longer
sounded like Chubby Checker,
which, to remind you...
Sounds like this.
Yeah, I do love
any kind of
obvious workaround is always is always good.
Although I think that's that's true of a that's true of fiction films as well.
Like I watched the Parallax View with Warren Beatty.
And like at one point, the there's a plane has to explode.
Like all these passengers
get off the plane and then the plane explodes
and then literally they all
get off the plane and the camera
follows Warren
Beatty off the plane
and then the plane disappears
from view and then the camera
just shakes
and they're like well come on we're not going to blow up a plane
for
everyone looks around behind them whoa did you see and they're like well come on we're not gonna blow up a plane yeah not even a model plane
everyone looks around behind them whoa
did you see that yeah
nobody's flying on that thing anymore
for a while
it's like in Sully they didn't even
they actually just all they snuck
cameras onto a regular
commercial airplane
okay pretend Tom pretend you're flying yeah you fake that snuck cameras onto a regular commercial airplane. Yeah. Okay, pretend.
Tom, pretend you're flying it.
Yeah.
You fake that you're coming out of the cabin and you're worried.
This is the scene where Mike Tyson punches somebody.
Yeah. Anyway, so I've been sick, watched a doc.
What's up with you, Graham?
Not much. Yeah, I don't have much to report although it's almost spring but it's still chilly right yeah it's very chilly
this year it's bone chilling and so uh the two things that like as soon as spring hits even if
it's cold is patio i'm already out on patios all over the city and your shirt
lawn chairs that i take to the park the chairs are in storage but they're busted them out ready
to go hang out in the park have some tall boys and whatnot oh what's the uh so have you done this yet
yeah yeah yeah i'm already out there doing it.
I find that it's cold.
Like when the sun's out, first of all.
Guns out.
Guns are out.
Yeah.
But when the sun's out, it's warm enough.
But I need a warm night.
I'm ready for a warm night.
Yes.
Like a Florida night.
A Talladega night.
Yeah.
Make it a Talladega night. Yeah. Make it a Talladega night.
Yeah, it's cold and it's cold as it gets nighttime.
Would you consider drinking a warm drink?
Like a toddy?
Yeah, oh, like a mulled wine or something like that?
Yeah, absolutely.
A mulled tall boy?
Yeah.
It's just got fruit in it.
But I went to a patio
on the weekend and the
waiter that I had
was obviously his first
night as a waiter.
He wrote
down everything verbatim
of what you were drinking. So he didn't have any shorthand
he came over to the
table and he had two glasses of wine
and a beer and he didn't know the names
of them so he just said you had the white
and you had the red
which makes you have the beer
anyways
we asked him like
is there any way we could sit closer to
one of those heat lamps that they have on patios and he said uh he said yeah as soon as the table
clears out but then we looked around the corner and there was like six tables all with their own
with their own lamp and then he said yeah you can go sit over there. And five minutes later, the manager came out and said, we're closing the patio.
We were like, why did you let us move and re-situate ourselves?
Well, he didn't know, Graham.
He didn't know.
That's right.
It was his first night.
They just threw in baptismal by fire.
Yeah.
Is there anywhere we can sit that's warmer?
Hmm.
Sit on this.
Patio diarrhea.
Then we asked when last call is.
And he's like, oh, you don't have to worry about that.
It's in five or six minutes.
Oh, yeah.
You'll be fine.
Yeah, I'll come back here in three minutes.
And, you know, we got a little wiggle room.
I know a guy.
He was, yeah, he was very endearing.
And it was, you know, obviously he was trying his best.
And you were like, oh, is it your first night?
Did you know, is tipping allowed here?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We've heard that it's rude to tip because it makes me think that
you're too poor so we just um so yeah patio season's back how long is back what how long
have you spent in a park in one sitting uh so far like two it's been like two hours so i've logged two hours so far and uh here's the many
more is what i say you got some spf on those cheeks i got it you got it you gotta get uh
you gotta get spf you do a little moisturizing first then the sunscreen i get the one that
smells nicest the uh tropicana oh that's what you do? You just go by smell? Actually, Sam Giancana owned the Tropicana Hotel in Las Vegas.
Really?
And he shared a girlfriend with JFK.
Yep.
I saw a picture of it, and it was a picture of Marilyn Monroe.
Yeah, they both did also have sex with Marilyn Monroe, but at different times.
Right.
They had the same girlfriend at the same time,
is what I'm saying.
But they didn't have sex with her at the same time.
Not to my knowledge.
It was a lot of scheduling.
Yeah.
Are you guys on Slack?
Sure.
Can we have sex now?
Are you supposed to have sex with JFK? No, no, no.
Not for five or six minutes.
You have tons of time so but if you put on moisturizer doesn't that create a slick like can you then put on sunscreen
after moisturizer or won't it just um go away well you gotta wait you gotta wait a little bit
what i can tell you guys here, here's something you should know.
They make moisturizer with sunscreen in it.
That's true.
But it doesn't smell like Tropicana, which is, to me, that's a big part of the sunscreen experience.
It's that fun, you know, that fun smell.
Like, it just reminds you of fun.
Kind of like swimming in a pool.
You're like, ah, fun.
I'm about to have fun.
Abby and I went to Turks andks and cacos for our
uh honeymoon oh and for months afterwards like our swimsuits would smell like uh you know just
like sunscreen and whatever chlorine yeah i don't know why i didn't really go in the pool but i did
i turks and cacos is a good place to go on a honeymoon
because it has a
beautiful coupling right in
the name.
If we could stay together as long as
Turks and Caicos, we'll be okay.
Half as long.
I think the sunscreen
experience sounds like
the band that would play
what was it? desires and coke cans what
was our dreams pennies in a coke can yeah pennies in a coke can um
so you know that's about it for me me. Just hitting all the outside spots.
And you're right.
It's cold.
It is cold.
But I'm making it work.
And I'm looking forward to it.
Takes a little longer.
Yeah, it does take a little longer.
That's right.
Well, do you guys want to take another little break to talk about Mac's Fun Drive?
Sure.
take another little break to talk about max fun drive sure well ladies and gentlemen and people that don't refer to them as either of those things we want all of you here to listen to
our pitch here we go you've uh heard of uh boring old knives that can't cut through cans yeah boy
do i have something for you invisible or invincible cans what so it's not the
wait so the knives couldn't cut through cans before and now the cans are even more invincible
yes they're more invincible uh i feel like the knives were getting more and more yeah the knives
were catching up to the cans but okay what sets these cans apart they are invincible they can't
be vinced they can't beinced they um they're thick three
inch uh wide oh it sounds like uh somebody i know the star of invincible mark walberg
would it be anybody would anybody be shocked if they found out that mark walberg was
like a teeny tiny guy i think uh boy i don't know i would be shocked
because he played a big penis man that's true alvin klein commercials
that's right but you know like maybe he stuffs
you know what does he put in there uh a cuke let's say uh sure here's i you know what i stuffed mine with a cornichon you know why
because i'm humble yeah yeah you're humble and also uh have lots of bumps on them and uh
yeah well yeah that's true too um uh, that's not what you're here for.
No, that's right.
Because it's the MaxFunDrive.
We wanted to, well, first of all,
we want to thank everyone who supports the show.
Yeah.
We can't do this without you.
If you support the show already,
we owe you a debt of gratitude.
Absolutely.
We hope to fill that debt with content.
But we're good for it.
Don't knock us around.
We're good for, you know,
we will do the bonus content if you pay.
And we'll do the gratitude too.
Yeah.
If you already support the show,
you mean the world to us.
Thank you.
Now, we're going to
tell you what you can get if
you support the show
at $5 a month
or more.
And here we go.
Here we go. At $5
a month, you get bonus content.
Yeah, buddy. You get the
full library of all
the bonus content created from every show on the network. I believe our show personally has the most. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. And growing even more. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's avalanching. last year we started putting out two bonus episodes a month there's an episode of all
overheard there's an episode where we watched footloose with nur hadidi yes there was one where
uh beat a judaki uh we recorded a whole episode and then it wasn't recorded so then uh i went back
through the episode and recorded my part in it yeah graham's part was lost so he re-recorded his part of a
extemporaneous podcast uh so a lot of a lot of fun weird episodes from us and there's uh there's
more on the way uh including coming later this month the premiere of our new Mr. Bean watch-along show.
What's it called? Bean There, Done That.
Yeah, Bean There, Done That. You're going to follow along with us
while we watch all 14 episodes of Mr. Bean, and we ask
questions like, what does he do
for a living? Yeah.
And we also just, man, oh, man.
If you want to watch along and just get the giggles,
because we just get the, oh, it's the funniest thing on earth, Mr. Bean.
So we're riding his brown coattails.
We're riding his brown coattails.
We're getting knocked over in our three-wheeled car.
We're being nude more often
than you'd expect.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's got, he's got a great, he's got a swimmer's
bod.
He does have a great bod.
Um, yeah.
So if you join at $5 a month bonus content, now,
if you, the rest of these, uh, gifts are for new
and upgrading donors.
If you already donate at one of these levels
then you still just get that gratitude but yeah but you know so we've got this fantastic
uh content if you if you're feeling a little bit flush and you want to you know you want to go in
for ten dollars a month uh you get all that cool content.
And also what else do they get?
Well,
a $10 a month.
These are new and upgrading donors, uh,
a $10 a month.
You get that bonus content and you get one of 35 embroidered patches.
Yeah.
And ours is cool.
It's a good looking one.
Yeah.
Uh,
they,
this year we teamed up with max fun fan Merit Bondarou from Frog and Toad Press,
who designed a bunch of the coolest accessories you could put on a jacket,
Jansport, fanny pack, messenger bag, cork board, or anything else.
Choose your favorite from 36 unique embroidered patches.
There's one for our show.
It says not that kind of show, with a bunch of
cartoony swear word
hashtags and question marks and whatnot.
It's good
looking. It's handsome, and
it could be, you could tell people it's
any show that you want, because
we leave it nice and open.
Just say it's from the late show.
Yeah, you don't have to tell, but you don't have to admit
to anyone that it's this show. Exactly. We give you a convenient show. Yeah. You don't have to tell, but you don't have to admit to anyone that it's this show.
Exactly.
We give you a convenient out.
Yeah.
So that's another thing you get.
If you're donating at $10 per month,
you get a good out.
Yeah.
A great alibi.
Plus you'll receive your own letter press max fund membership card.
So that's at $10 a month at twenty dollars a month
you get the uh bonus content yes even if you're not new or upgrading at it every year you keep
getting bonus content over and over uh but uh and you you want to hear what we've been doing
we've been laying down some sick beats yeah we've been laying part uh at uh twenty dollars a month you are a member of the diamond friendship circle and you will get
a max fun creativity pack or the rocket hat oh i like that rocket hat along with the embroidered
patches or patch and membership card and the bonus content. And also with the rocket hat,
again,
you could say that it's any rocket from anywhere.
We give you an out.
If you don't want to explain to somebody what a podcast is,
you say it's from the Houston Astros and then you just move on.
The,
the,
the creativity pack,
you can choose the creativity pack or the rocket hat.
The creativity pack will help you get in a or the rocket hat the creativity pack will
help you get in a creative headspace and live life to the fullest artist and max funster ellen
van der meid illustrated a beautiful deck of 54 cards two extra if you're doing 52 pickup
uh in the max fun inspiration deck they all the cards have activity suggestions from your favorite hosts to inspire you to enjoy friends, nature, food, you time, me time, making some art and other kinds of fun.
So that's the creativity pack.
The rocket hat is a rocket hat.
And also in the creativity pack, our thing that we contributed is not get bent or pound sand.
So I can reassure you that those are not the things we said that you can.
Well,
I misunderstood this.
I thought it was a creatine pack.
And so we sent some kind of milkshake powder.
Yeah.
It's mostly appeals to,
uh,
bodybuilders,
but,
uh,
you got your veiny folks.
You have to uh listen to a podcast while you're
blasting those quads because it gets boring after a while you know yeah you're so veiny you probably think this squad is about you well that and then at the 35 a month leadership squad
if you give 35 a month you will get all the previously mentioned stuff.
Bonus content.
MaxFun membership card.
Embroidered patch.
Creativity pack or rocket hat.
And the MaxFun messenger bag.
You'll be swishing and swirling between the cars as you deliver packages from office to office,
like Kevin Bacon in Quicksilver.
Or the guy who used to play Murphy Brown's house painter was on a short-lived.
Eldon, yeah.
He was a bike courier in a show.
He had a bike courier sitcom.
And then there was that one with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, too.
Oh, yeah.
Well, the lives of these bike messengers, pretty fast.
Yeah, every eight or nine years, Hollywood's like, hmm, this guy who delivered my script, I wonder what's his story.
So you get all those fantastic things.
Yeah, and there's more at higher levels, 50 a month, 100 a month.
But if you want to go to MaximumFun.org slash join, you can see all of the gifts available.
And I should also, we should add that if you don't have the cashola, don't worry.
The show stays free. All our
back episodes, you can find them online.
And if
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you can sponsor
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to be getting in on
all these prizes and stuff like that.
So if that's something you'd like to do,
go to MaximumFun.org
slash donate and
Bob's your uncle. Yeah. I mean
like, hey, you're like, hmm
I could give $50 a month
and get a bunch of prizes or
I could give 10 gift memberships
give a bunch of people
bonus episodes.
That's weird. That's weird, but you know what?
Whatever yanks your chain, that's
not right.
Terrific. That's weird. That's weird, but you know what? Whatever yanks your chain, that's not right. Uh-huh.
But.
Terrific.
It's terrific.
We're going to get back into the show.
Let's head towards our overheards.
Thank you, everybody.
Overheard.
All right, overheards.
Thank you so much for listening to our little pitch there
for max fun drive now it is time to move on to one of the best segments on any ever every other
podcast ever yeah overheards a lot of people this is actually the velvet underground of segments
not everyone everyone who heard this segment later overheard someone.
Yeah, or came up with their own segment, which is good for them.
Yeah.
This has got to be one of the longest running segments in podcast.
Definitely.
Yeah, I would say so.
We're one of the longest running shows in podcast.
That's got to be true, right?
That is true.
Episode 737.
They made the shows going on so long
they named a plane after us.
It's you and Infowars, right?
I mean, that's the only two
head-in-head.
Da-da-do.
Dr. Melfi.
Give me the Prozac.
give me some pro jack
so
the day
Graham as you know
overheards are a lot rarer
these days
but the
day
Graham texted me and said hey do you want to come do the show
I overheard this and so I was like well it's Kismet well I shouldn't set this up Graham texted me and said, hey, do you want to come do the show?
I overheard this. And so I was like, well, it's Kismet.
Well, I shouldn't set this up. And then people were like, oh, that was not a sign at all. That was a sign you should have said no.
Like that's when an amateur, you know, says, oh my God,
something so funny happened to me. It's like, no, I'll tell you if it was funny
by my response to the story.
But Josephine and I went to the baseball game,
the Vancouver Canadiens baseball game,
which is now high A.
I was going to go in a different light,
like when Canadians smoke pot,
uh,
pretty high.
Yeah.
I'm low T and high.
But we,
uh,
we were sitting in the,
in the grandstands and,
uh,
what does high mean?
It means there's the,
the season now.
Sorry.
Yeah.
That's why I was bringing it up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So he used to start in June and end in August.
It was like,
uh,
we were the kind of lowest level within the Toronto Blue Jays system,
like the youngest guys that they're looking at as potential players.
And now it's higher than that.
So it's a higher level of play, and the season goes on for longer.
So it was amazing to be at a baseball game in April.
And sitting behind us
is this like birthday party if i would say like kind of youngish like maybe not yet not like a
few years younger than us and um sort of upwardly mobile kind of people who were celebrating this
birthday by watching a baseball game and then and then they were gonna go do a barbecue and and it
was like you know it's not like not everybody's in seats they're on benches and so you know if you have a
party there people kind of move around and they sort of have little conversations with each other
and and so at one point these two paired up who didn't seem to have like that much to talk about
and they were just kind of and one of them had hurt her leg or foot.
And she said, this other guy knew about the injury.
And she says, yeah, you know, it's coming up on the one-year anniversary of that night, the night that she hurt herself.
She says, it's coming up on the one-year anniversary of that night.
And he goes, yeah, yeah. She goes, yeah, the yearversary.
And he goes, the yearversary and he goes the yearversary
so they both like as though not only were they saying yearversary which is
insane i mean that's literally what anna means but they both said it like it was just this
as though we were a recognized term that they both
and I just loved the yearversary
like to give something
a prefix
like a kind of charming prefix
that literally just reproduces
the meaning of the first
two syllables of the word
our yearversary
that's what we're going to call it from now on.
I love it.
Dave, do you have an overheard?
Mine is an overseen.
This is something I read on Instagram.
This is a comment someone wrote.
I follow this art Instagram called abstract mag.
Okay.
Uh,
which is a lot of abstract art.
And there was just this thing they posted.
That was a picture of,
I couldn't really figure out what it was.
It looked like it was a living room with this abstract something on the wall.
And I couldn't,
I was like,
is that a quilt?
Is it,
it seems to be attached to the curtains.
So I like clicked on the comments to see if there was any clarification of
what that thing was.
And,
um,
one of the comments was wonderful piece of work.
I am a story writer.
Can I use this photograph as a background motive for my latest story with mentioning
and tagging abstract mag
just write your
story just yeah just go ahead I guess
yeah just or you can also
just never mention us and no one
will know
because it's just you're just describing a room
it's very sweet though that somebody would be like and I clicked on Because you're just describing a room.
That's very sweet, though, that somebody would be like... And I clicked on his profile.
He doesn't seem to write any stories.
Who is this James Patterson guy?
Yeah.
Just pictures of him with Bill Clinton, Dolly Parton.
I mean, that's mostly a way of that person saying, I write stories.
Yes. And yeah, that is a, I just, the number of conversations you have that are just under the guise of like, look, if I just tell you, you're allowed to tell me the thing you want to tell me,
will it get me out of the roundabout MacGuffin that you have sorted out to,
to tell me?
Yeah.
And like,
that's so interesting because my husband,
uh,
is a,
a big murderer.
And I was wondering if I could use your murder
as a motive for my story.
I'll change his name and who he murdered,
but he did it with such panache.
Yeah.
Do you have an overheard, my guy?
I do.
And I was in a mall. Clo uh loony yeah i knew it was
coming i said it and i knew it was coming i hope not i hope it was an inner space situation and not
a sex um and there was a store that i saw a woman kind of hurrying to get to because her other friend was like going out the door.
And she said, oh, my God, that store is called Ojema.
I got to take a picture of it and send it to Emma.
Ojema?
Yeah, Ojema.
How do you spell Ojema?
O-G-E-M-M-A.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
And so she was so excited about it, though.
I don't know.
I didn't look.
It's actually the British word for jail.
O-Gemma.
Yeah.
I hope Emma was excited when she got it.
Yeah.
She was just totally confused.
Emma's very excitable.
What is this photo?
Then she was like, can I use this in my story?
Yeah.
It was a background motive for a story about someone working in a place.
Oh, Gemma.
The name made me think of like, is it an orange juice?
OJ? Oh, like an Orange Julius
kind of situation. Ojemmas.
No, the store was
closed and I didn't see what they sold in there.
Oh, I
just looked it up.
It's Ojemma's Accessory
Boutique in City Square Mall.
You didn't tell me it was in City Square Mall.
That's where I pick up my mail.
What is accessories?
Isn't it?
And that's a very vague.
Well, in my story, you're going to be an accessory to me.
Is this like after the fact?
Yep.
It looks to be scarves hats
pretty pretty lady things yeah brass knuckles doesn't quite follow but uh this guy ended up
with a whole box of them um oh jemma well they've just received free advertising on
one of the longest running segments in the history of podcasts.
Yeah, it's when our
podcast airs, they always
end it up to be several people to
open an Ojemma.
Yeah, not a lot of, yeah,
not every, not very many people will hear
this, but everyone who does will open
an accessory boutique in a
mall. Clooney!
Now, we also have overheards
from people all over the map.
If you want to send one in to us, you can send
it in to spy at Maximalfun.org.
And
this first one comes from Tim R
in Victoria.
My spouse and I were giving each other
the did you hear that too look.
Well, we heard two 16 something
theater staff coming to an agreement
about who was cleaning out which theater
one of the guys said to the other
number six looks pretty routine
but number seven looks like there was a frat party
in there
which one do you want
they brought a keg I don't know how they
smuggled in a keg
they're supposed to buy our keg I don't know how they smuggled in a keg they're supposed to buy our
keg
yeah exactly
hey guys I'm getting married let's go see
Morbius
anything with Leto in it
I want to see that Nick Cage
one where he plays himself because I'm getting
married
and this is my last night of freedom.
I've been told
no more Nicolas Cage
now that we're married.
Alpha,
data,
cineplex.
I kept calling him,
you said frat party,
I kept calling it a bachelor party.
Yeah.
Still,
you know,
it's just a bunch of guys
letting loose.
Yeah,
it's true.
Blowing off some steam.
Have you
ever been in a theater when
somebody's very obviously drunk
and you kind of are trying to get
them, you know, you're
shut up, shut up, kind of, and it's not
affecting them because they're wasted? Has this ever happened to
anybody else? Like in a
cinema? Like watching films?
Yeah. I've never told anyone. No?
I don't think so especially a drunk
person i don't know they're gonna fight me and win and while i'm trying to get them to pay attention
to the subplot it's very well done yeah i don't want to miss you to miss it just because you're
you're wasted you know what i'll write it down on a piece of paper you can see it in the morning
when you wake up.
Well,
and, you know, a lot of people, the thing to do is to get stoned and then go to a movie.
Right. Oh, yeah.
Nothing beats it.
This is my bong sound.
Being
drunk in a movie sounds horrible.
It does. You'd have to get up to go
pee a lot of times, miss a lot of the plot.
I don't know. Maybe it was just because I don don't know he got kicked out of a bar and he needs
somewhere else warm hang out i need someplace with sticky floors
um this next one comes from zach from logan utah i was at my local Walmart yesterday and saw two college-age girls
heading towards the checkout stand.
One of them pointed to what the other had in her hand
and asked, why are you getting that?
To which she responded, I don't know.
I just feel like I always find myself
needing a glow stick.
Depends on your culture but uh yes my people
i mean is there anything better than snapping one of those
so satisfying and then but that it's fleeting i mean i guess if you also like the glowing
yeah
dave's just cracking glow sticks and throwing them over his shoulder
cracking them throwing them away
well we know exactly where the garbage can is
I'm up to 20 sticks a day
like a nuclear waste basket
also equally fun is I'm sure Charlie,
have you ever taken your daughter or Dave where they are selling crappy
glowing things in your kid?
Like,
like I got Dave.
Yeah.
Buy me that.
Buy me that weird spinning wand.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Something like that.
They really, boy, they know what they're doing that was yeah because then you're sitting at peppa pig live and every fifth
kid has one of these and every the other four are like well why don't i get one of those yeah
they're so visible yeah why don't they sell those at movie theaters?
Big foam hand.
They did have, like, at the baseball park this year,
they have, like, foam, like, bear masks.
Like, instead of a hand, like, it goes over the kid's head and it's got eye holes.
Wow.
Yeah.
It's a pretty good these days.
The thing that the things that happen each generation where you're just like,
how did this not happen before? Like how we just get around this,
like,
you know how high fives were invented?
Like what?
10 years before we were born 20 years before we were born.
Sure.
And then, and then now it's the first thing that every baby learns how to do.
And you're like, how are high fives 50 years old?
And then, uh, like now the way kids do the, I mean, I'm acting it out, but it won't be the little heart with their hands.
That's like now what every kid like says goodbye with or does it like how did
nobody do that before before 2020 i think if you look at on old cave paintings you can see
yeah people are dabbing yeah they're doing the dougie uh but speaking of the big what's the
thing they put on their head like the foam the foam bear it's a bear
oh okay yeah when i went to mr bean live the kids all had foam turkeys on their head
um this last one is from colin from phoenix arizona i was at a used book and record store
looking at some cheap vinyl albums
when I overheard a customer say to the employee working at the checkout desk,
finally, something good came from OJ Simpson.
What?
I don't know.
Like an album of the OJs?
I have no idea.
Oh, sure.
If I did it, the album?
The final album.
Finally.
If I did it, the remix?
Something good from Ojemma Simpson.
I got to take a picture of this.
She was an accessory to murder.
Nice.
In addition to overheards that are written,
and we also accept your phone calls.
If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.
That's one.
Ugh.
Spy pod one.
Like these people here.
Hi, Dave Graham, Impossible Guest.
This is Skylar from Anchorage, Alaska.
I am calling in with an overheard.
I'm a cook in an early childhood education center, so like infant through preschool.
In one of the rooms, I just made chili for lunch today.
In one of the rooms.
So I bring out a bowl full of the soup, and then the teachers
serve it in individual portions
for the kids.
The older toddlers,
who are like three-year-olds,
they were served chili on a
plate.
This is the wildest thing
I've seen in a long time.
Alright, off I go.
That's funny for a number of reasons.
You're still asking for trouble.
First of all, you're feeding...
I can't...
Imagine my kids allowing me to feed them chili.
But if all their friends are doing it, they're like, yeah, I want it on the chili.
Yeah.
Like when you go to a Peppa Pig concert, everybody's eating chili.
Everybody wants the foam chili.
But Skylar would just call again, and this being the mind-blowing event.
But it was clearly like it had just happened like she called you guys
like you would call a family member in an emergency like it was like
saw the chili on the plate was like those are not the dimensions for serving chili
i gotta call graham and dave oh man also referred to the chili as
soup at one point yeah that's right it was chili that was soup yeah your story's checking out less
and less didn't you once not get allowed uh your didn't your mom want to give you chili
yeah and they took it away at airports took it away yeah they thought it was soup and i was
arguing that it was more of a solid and then they brought they literally brought in a second person and said what do you think is chili a soup or a solid
she was really thinking about it too she was like hmm i mean and then it's just up to whatever kind
of chili she's had in her life and she's like yeah i think it's a liquid and i was like what
kind of shitty chili have you been eating that it's just a liquid but they didn't bring in ty domey to put a fork in it and test it out
they didn't no he was busy that night next phone call hey dave graham and i'm gonna guess
canadian entertainer i've never heard of.
I'm calling in with an over kid.
My daughter is six years old, and she's at that age where she's starting to pick up a lot of old pop culture references that are in the stuff that she watches, but she doesn't really know what they are or where they came from.
So lately, one of her things is she's been going around going, oh, thank you very much to everything. Oh oh thank you very much to everything oh thank you very much um but she's not interested in knowing where it's from uh and she was saying that the other day and her her older brother heard her and said
uh who said that i feel like there's somebody who said that all the time and i go elvis and right after my daughter chimes in
justin from youtube and he goes oh right it was justin from youtube so um i guess it wasn't elvis
it was justin from you it was justin from youtube yeah thank you very much Justin lives I honestly thought
I was going to be
Uncle Jesse
from Full House
oh yeah yeah
what did he say
he said
have mercy
have mercy
but he did a bit
of an Elvis thing
yeah
oh yeah
he always did Elvis
like that was his big thing
he had a few big things
yeah that's true
he played music
with the Rippers
he had nice hair he didn't want people to touch his hair he wanted people to have mercy but all of
that is elvis derivative yeah i'll just add hair elvis played music with jesse the rippers at the
splash club it's funny too that his room that he lived in had posters all over the wall. He was an adult man who stuck up posters in his room.
Well, we miss him.
Here's your final phone call.
Hey, Dave and Graham, it's Dave
from Pennsylvania. I was just walking
into my local Walmart
and there were a group of teenagers behind me
and one of them said to the
group, I don't know what you guys are so worried
about. They're powerless against us.
We have the orb.
That was all I heard.
Anyway, thanks.
Don't worry, guys.
I know there's been a lot of chatter
on our Dungeons & Dragons feed,
but I've got the orb now,
so it's fine. This wasn't Dungeons & Dragons. I but I've got the orb now, so it's fine.
This wasn't Dungeons & Dragons.
I think this was a lot more serious.
This was like international politics.
Don't worry about Russia.
We've got the orb.
That's the second caller to refer to their local Walmart.
Like, it's kind of a local Walmart.
Yeah, yeah.
This isn't one of those big corporate Walmarts you're used to.
This is the mom and big corporate Walmarts you're used to.
This is the mom and pop.
Old man.
I think it's sad when like Amazon moves into the neighborhood and starts putting Walmart out of the business.
Um,
well,
I think this brings us to the end of this here podcast.
Uh, Charlie,
tell us again,
all the things that you have coming up
that people can purchase
and read and listen to.
Oh, it would be so wonderful if
people would download
or stream
I can't, I hope I don't
remember this my whole life. There's no I can't.
That's not part of the name.
Yeah, I hope I don't remember
this my whole life.
From 604 Records, available wherever you get any kind of audio stuff.
And you can preorder my upcoming book, Noonday Dark, wherever you preorder books.
If you live in Vancouver, we've got a couple of shows coming up at the Rio Theater.
So the East Van Laugh Riot, which we've had Graham Clark come out and do.
It was a wonderful show.
We've been having a lot of fun there.
We've got upcoming shows on May 13th with Dino Archie and Kevin Banner.
And on June 10th, we've got Julie Kim and Ivan Decker.
And we've got just some incredible acts are going
to be there so uh you can get tickets for that at rio theater.ca if you are uh in vancouver or
going to be in vancouver and uh yeah those are the things that people can do this guy's got his
plugs down yeah this is great who are you jeremyiven? This guy's got plugs.
And this is the final time we'll tell you to join up at MaximumFun.org.
But going forward, hey, we're always making bonus content.
If you ever change your mind and want to opt in, I'm sorry, this is my defeatist attitude.
Hey, look.
Come on.
If you ever decide in the future you want to opt in at five bucks a
month you will always get that bonus content and it is always coming out yeah how can you afford
not to at that price that's right i mean it's a steal it's twice the price they would say
but yeah thank you so much for being a part of max fun drive uh we hope you
are enjoying what we're doing you know what we're putting out there um and everybody out there uh
who's listening uh thank you so much for listening to the show uh i encourage you to uh get out there
you know what i mean it's patio and uh and park season soon to just you know get out there. You know what I mean? It's patio and park season soon. Just get out there, freestyle,
see what's going on, and come
back next week for another
episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
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