Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 745 - Katie-Ellen Humphries
Episode Date: June 28, 2022Comedian Katie-Ellen Humphries returns to talk midwest food, a 2010s puzzle game, and calculating tips....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka, and he's Graham Clark, and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 745 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who doesn't know that I'm wearing a bathing suit right now, Mr. Dave Shumka.
Is it laundry day?
It's laundry day. I'm also wearing a Max Fundrive 2020 t-shirt.
Yeah?
So these are the in-the-house clothes that i've got i'm not afraid to go
outside with them on either but yeah we're in the house i saw you walking on in the street
earlier today were you in a bathing suit that day that time no i could that was that was long
pants time and then oh sure and then afternoons are for they're for the boys um speaking of boys
it's been man month here on stop podcasting Yourself. Solid month of just male guests.
So much testosterone from Maddie Vu and Paul Anthony.
And who's the other one?
Tim Gray.
Tim Gray.
So we insist that we try to make it a full month.
Our guest wouldn't allow it because she has a t-shirt that says boy boss on it right now nice
nice our guest today the very funny stand-up comedian uh you may have heard her on the
debaters where she did a fantastic job this this past week defending iced tea and uh she has a
podcast called horny off main and uh she's here for us today katie ellen humphries boy boss katie
ellen humphries you did it hi katie welcome aboard thank you so much graham yeah go ahead no i was
gonna sorry i'm jumping right into this bathing suit yes please because no one else will whenever
i see that whenever on tv or yeah there's this real concept
that like oh i'm such a derp i'm so my life is so crazy i'm such a derp i'm wearing bathing
suit bottoms as underwear and i'm like that's my dirt baggery is so many tears below
like you could find you could find a clean bathing suit bottom to put on like you have
a ready at the ready bathing suit yeah yeah exactly i feel
like that's a lot of tears above what about wearing plastic bags of socks where does that fall on the
on the hierarchy that's like below why not just go sockless well you know are you trying to like
if it's cold somewhere maybe sure but still i don't know what that's doing for you it's it seems like that's something you
would do if you had like a fungus that you needed to preserve to get to the lab
we think this fungus could be the next biological weapon so wearing plastic bags as socks feels like
the kind of thing that uh like a dude has to do do after he loses a bet with his friend dude group.
Bachelor party.
Yeah.
I'm trying to think of a third.
I mean, garbage bag as suitcases up there, but maybe not.
Yeah.
Anything as belt.
Any rope as belt.
Rope as belt.
Yes.
But like, that's not like, oh, it's laundry day.
I'm washing my belt.
I send my belt out to be detailed.
I send it to a leather smith?
Leather man?
Leather man.
Yeah, it's a leather man.
It's a leather daddy.
Leather face.
Katie, thank you so much for being us oh absolutely we do
katie ellen thank you so much for being our guest uh we always love to have you here on the show
and it's been a while so i'd like to catch up a little if that's not too too taxing it would be
a dream what's been shaken what's been shaken in What's been shaking? What's been shaking in the last, let's say, what's been shaking in the last six months or so?
Because everybody has their time that just gets subtracted, like in the Marvel Universe.
Just gone.
Yeah, in the void.
In the last six months or so, I have begun to tour a little bit in the United States of America.
Cool.
Yeah.
I mean, going anywhere has been novel,
but I've been to a ton of places
I've never been, and
it's, yeah, wild.
Where'd you go? Tell us all about it.
Who do you, what, was it clubs
or little theaters, or what were you playing?
Mostly little clubs. There's a couple
of theaters on the docket coming up.
But, yeah, I've been out touring with comedian Hari Kondabolu.
Past guest.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
He loves mangoes.
He sure does love mangoes.
And where did you go?
Tell us where you went.
The first spot we hit was Milwaukee, which I absolutely fell in love with.
For what?
Tell us the qualities that is important in a Milwaukee.
This will sound weird, but everyone I met in Milwaukee really likes living in Milwaukee.
And until I experienced that, it didn't occur to me how novel that is.
Yeah, that is weird.
Because we here in Vancouver, there's a lot of self-hate. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, that's right. there's a lot of self-hate yeah yes yeah that's
right there's a lot of self-loathing here but i could see it like milwaukee's kind of it's an
in-between size city right yeah the states like would it be 500 000 or a million or oh i have no
i i have no sense for that and also when I look stuff like that up, it always like,
it's like the city has 300,000 people.
The metropolitan area has 8 million. It's like,
I can't understand what that means.
Yeah.
People always ask me,
I try to tell them about Vancouver Island or Victoria,
where I'm from.
And that's very often a question.
And it doesn't matter how many times someone else says it,
I will never retain it.
It means nothing. I'm like, Oh, I don't there. And you could say any number. And I else says it, I will never retain it. It means nothing.
I'm like,
Oh,
I don't there.
I,
and you could say any number and I'd be like,
that sounds right.
Yeah.
When people are talking about Victoria,
they're like,
is that including Saanich and Saanich and sandwich town,
the new restaurant in Sydney by the sea?
Yeah.
I like,
cause what New York has what? what eight million people i know there's
eight million stories in the naked city not everybody there must have a story there's
gonna be a couple duds in the mix look uh yeah i mean also the dead the dead are counted towards
the current population so yeah they've got two million dead a number of new yorkers who have stories are also
i believe are spider-man and yeah yeah that's right multiverse so i don't know how that works
some of them are like a lot of those stories are just taxicab confessions oh yeah do you remember
that show i'm i know like I remember
being like a horny teen and being like
this isn't doing it for me
was it because
you shouldn't be doing that kind of thing in a cab
or is it
no I just felt like it was just
maybe you can feel maybe I'm remembering
it wrong I just felt like it was just like
enough talk
yeah it was mostly talk did you ever see it katie i didn't it i believe it's a show that
happened at nighttime is that right yeah i didn't do nighttime then okay fair enough yeah as you
start doing nighttime i mean i do it begrudgingly now and only because comedy happens at night which
is its worst quality yeah uh by contrast are you a morning person yeah for sure i'm the word yeah
i'm one of those because like you can be neither you can be i'm like 10 a.m to 4 p.m yeah you gotta
get in those hot hours no yeah i'm up with the dawn love it that's my time to shine
what time are we talking about here what up with the dawn because i don't think i've ever done it
not purposely um what time is dawn five well i mean it depends what time of year but yeah right
these days like 5 30 ish is dawn yeah and so are you do you go straight through the day all the way or do you take a nap in the
middle or like nap in the middle and around again if i can get it in i'll if i can squeeze in a nap
i'll do a nap for sure if i can squeeze in like a i like a hot 20 to 25 25 yeah that's max 25 is
just almost at the border half an an hour, you're screwed.
Oh, yeah.
27 at the absolute maximum.
Yeah, you get twice.
How long do you do when you open Ferrari Condobolo?
Yeah, 20.
A hot 20.
Okay, okay.
She comes out and naps for 20.
A naps amount.
So you've been to...
Yeah, Milwaukee.
Yeah, Milwaukee. Yeah yeah which i super loved based largely on the people there seem to also really like it which was nice did you see the fonzie
statue yeah very cool nice i went and a lot of like laverne and shirley stuff too sure oh yeah
yeah plaques on walls and whatnot did you go to you know what time of year were you
there um january march march okay yeah i don't know what happens there in march baseball season
starts later no yeah yeah i missed i didn't i'm going i'm gonna see the brewers in like a
at the end of the month this month in like 10 days where in milwaukee in milwaukee you're going back yeah
it was so nice you're going back twice well i'm gonna play chicago and then the jays
on the sunday have a day game in milwaukee so i'm gonna take the train up
oh yeah yeah wait a minute did milwaukee switch from the al to the nl i cannot answer that okay
i don't even know what the question is well because the astros switched from the nl to the NL? I cannot answer that. Okay. I don't even know what the question is.
Well, because the Astros switched from the NL to the AL.
But then they...
Never mind, guys. Go ahead.
This is why Dave loves
Moneyball. This is what he's learned
from all these
talking movies.
So you're gonna...
You're going to
Chicago. You're going back to milwaukee is there anything did you
have a good meal back to milwaukee and around again if oh no no the i'm the food of a place
is lost on me that's not you don't do i i mean i probably i'll do hot dogs in chicago but aside
from that the regional cuisines are not.
Oh, you better not put ketchup on your dog.
I don't know.
Yeah, I'm going to do whatever I want to get.
I just want to get yelled at, I guess, is what I'm going to do.
The hot dog.
It does feel a little bit like when you go to a city and people give you like 50 record restaurant recommendations.
And you're like, that's not really what I want to do.
Oh, this place.
You're going to spend half your vacation in line yeah i feel bad if they ask me like what's the sometimes people
just jump to what's the best thing you ate and i'm like uh at a pretty good kind granola bar
out of my purse yeah grape nuts while i was doing things i don't know so milwaukee first stop yeah next stop went to washington dc which is so much history yeah it's
just like being in an episode of scandal straight up i was like just felt like a rube everywhere
went because my reaction literally to everything was like from tv it's that thing on the dollar yeah i landed and immediately within about an hour i was like
i was walking around and there was a uh motorcade that went by with like right and so you're like
oh that that could be that could be the president or speaker of the house or something like that
and you're like oh that's i was sort of
wowed by it and then by 6 p.m that night and i would now i'm on my way to the show instead of just wandering around and there's a motorcade and it makes me stop for like three crosswalks
while it goes through and i'm already over it i'm like all right do we need you don't have a
helicopter or something well you gotta go anywhere you're not who it this is i wonder how down the list it is uh motorcade wise like
yeah just president vice president secretary or is it just a drill like there's nobody in
any of these six suvs does the designated survivor get a motorcade um yeah i've never
uh like were you just wandering around town or did you go to one of the thousand
museums in washington dc no i was just wondering i would go to like the outside of buildings and
be like whoa that's the building would have been great if you went to the smithsonian and you were
like i gotta see fonzie's jacket yeah this is gonna be a fun i should dedicate the next year to just fancy related things there's a lot of them out there
you go to the beach you jump that shark one time um just those are the hit every jukebox i see
yeah exactly you might have hit it out good did you ever watch that show, Katie? Yeah. I love the 50s as reimagined in the 70s and consumed in the 90s.
That's.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's for me.
Yeah.
I love the movie Grease.
I love all that shit.
I don't know why that was the time.
I don't know why they're like, well, it's been 20 years.
We got to.
Tell me more.
Yeah.
Yeah.
tell me more yeah yeah so like to a like a 20 year old now the 50s is only like tangentially connected to their brain because it would be their grandparents who would be upper age that would
have be able to remember the 50s just feels like the the memory goes back to the 80s and maybe to
the 70s but the 60s to 50s or 40s that's ancient
ancient history you know what i mean yeah like how sometimes you'll be around like a younger
person now and they will say things like you were born in the 1900s and you're like get out of here You stupid little.
So Washington, a blast.
Got to see at least two very important people getting driven around.
One of them could be Steven Tyler.
You know what I mean? It could have been just like a self-paid motorcade.
Or maybe he was legislating in an elevator.
was legislating in an elevator i and then we i went to uh virginia yeah virginia somewhere in virginia i can't i went to virginia it's a place nice and at that place i had a real highlight so
what i've been doing in these towns is i go out and on the first night i usually say i'm like hey what's the thing to do and you know what what should i do in this town
and then virginia the first night everyone was like oh you must you must go to the river
and then so i you know you go to the river and you're like oh yeah it's like it's a pretty cute
little walkway by a little bit of water gotta go down and see our river cute and you know just being so coy and
then the second night on the show hey what should i do and still everyone's like river and then
finally some hero in the audience shouts out guar bar now we're talking we are talking
tell us about guar bar please tell us that you went to Guar Bar.
I absolutely went to Guar Bar.
It is, as the name would imply, it is a guar-themed bar.
This is amazing.
Yeah.
This is amazing.
Yeah, like, how come that isn't, like, Virginia, home of Guar Bar?
I was furious.
I was like, I've been here for 48 hours.
How is this just now coming up?
And now tell us about it.
And well, is Virginia significant to Guar?
I think of them as just being like from the netherworld.
Yeah, another dimension for sure.
Yes.
So they specifically was in Richmond, Virginia, and they are from richmond virginia i
guess is that is why there is uh this bar and yeah it's just full of the most beautiful and horrific
art all as guar would be and uh yeah guar signage and memorabilia and it's playing metal and they
have oddly great food and everyone there is so friendly and just so happy to be
in the out of their homes and listening to the weird stuff they like to listen to that they
usually only get to listen to in their homes yes yes and like people who love guar are very
they're very special kind of people they they love that i mean because they do put on a hell
of a live show i've heard that everybody gets soaked in fake blood and uh there's weapons and all sorts of shit like that
yeah yeah it's a little bit i was comparing it's a little bit sort of that bob saget thing
where uh you know his act was so filthy and then when everyone would talk about him say it was just
like such a lovely and like sort of heart forward considerate man
and i feel like guar fans it's sort of that same thing like we they love this grotesque
disgusting awful horrific monster thing because they're just like sweetest so friendly and kind
they were so welcoming yeah it was all cross-stitching some kind of horror scene yeah graham have you been
to any kind of like themed bar like that um yeah i must have i'm just trying to think i mean there
was there's a couple of nerd bars here in the city that were all just dedicated to all sorts
of nerd stuff uh the big bang theory and whatnot yeah you gotta you gotta punch at the bazinga bar
and they check ids and if your id is uh if you're not old enough they send you the young sheldon bar
it's just down the street don't need to take a car i went to when I was in Grier, the tiny village in Switzerland, that is where they make Grier cheese.
And there's just like a little kind of castle area, as there is in every European town.
And one of the places in this castle is the Giger Museum and Bar, the guy who did all the art for Alien.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It's all so phallic and sapphic.
I thought I was pronouncing that right.
A lot of penises with vaginas.
Interesting.
And apparently he was like a spray paint artist,
and the fumes made him quite mad.
Hmm.
Excellent.
So we have, uh, we have paint to thank for aliens one through four.
I mean, I don't believe, I don't buy that.
Yeah.
But here's the question for both of you.
How is it eating in a place that's like gross?
Like, you know, like Warbar i imagine has like blood everywhere and is crazy
like did you feel like i don't have enough i mean you ate there so yeah i mean well they had
just truly excellent chips and salsa which is my almost number one favorite thing to eat i think
in this world and so yeah i only i could be i don't know, in a ditch. And I would say, if there was good chips and salsa, I'd be like, the atmosphere here is incredible.
Yeah.
Five stars to the ditch.
When I was in the Giger bar, it was daylight.
They weren't serving at that time.
It was just walking around.
They were doing a brunch.
There was like a museum that you could look at and then kind of like look at the weird
table that's made out of a spine people sit at but i would tell you what almost all of the places
that i've been to because it's been a lot of midwest and like high southern close to midwest
everywhere i've been has had uh tater tots oh okay and you fan. Yeah, they're big tot towns. What's your preferred potato arrangement prep?
Great question.
I like a classic French fry or a wedge.
Below that, I like a curly fry, but I will not fuck with a crinkle cut.
I like myself.
I love myself too much.
What about waffle?
Is waffle and crinkle related?
Crinkle's like Ziggy Zaggy.
Yeah, like the McCain.
Yeah, I think maybe that's the only one.
I've never seen crinkle cut at a restaurant, but maybe I'm not going to the right places.
It's very popular in America.
And I feel like I know that they have some larger issues, but I feel like their insistence that crinkle cut fries are good is indicative of them not loving themselves enough.
What about all potatoes?
Like, encompassing all potatoes, like baked potatoes, mashed potatoes or fries at the top?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For sure.
I'm a mashed guy person. Yeah. i'll take mashed over what fries i don't like i mean fries and chips
take a back seat to mash guys look if you can scallop it you got me oh i would not
i can't abide a scallop and this is not yeah i'm not a scallop guy like
i mean look guys i'm just trying to make conversation no mashed potato is like potato
pudding this is the fact that you called it potato pudding only makes me want it more
that doesn't dissuade yeah fair i don't i've never had a waffle fry you meant you brought them up and i which they're accessible
i could have tried one but for some reason i'm like i can't i can't it's a bridge too far
yeah there's a mouthful yeah what about a hash brown those those you know change wildly depending
on where you're eating yeah what people call a hash brown varies yeah uh depend like a hash brown is like
that's just what we call fries before 11 a.m yeah my best friend growing up uh put the emphasis on
the word hash in hash brown like she would say and i would like a hash brown she put the emphasis
on brown i think oh okay well whatever it is there was like uh so what she called a hash brown
yeah throw it out the window yeah one hash brown um yeah there's it always just felt like that's
how they were filling out the rest of the plate like eggs and toast and bacon just like if you
arrange them they would be missing you know wedges of the plate so then i
do i really don't like that the fries have become the default of just like a side like oh yeah this
comes with salad or fries or what else you know use your imagination kitchen yeah well i was at a place yesterday. I was in Victoria and it was a breakfast place.
And the sides were literally fries, salad, fruit cup or bowl of candy.
Oh, was it spoons?
It was spoons.
Yes, it was.
Yeah.
I was so tempted just because I was like, is it going to be a bowl of Mentos or is it going to be like assorted unwrappables?
With like, what was your main?
Candy.
Plate of candy.
Yeah, you're right. Fries are the default, but i'm never mad at it i'm never mad at fries for being
the default i don't know what else you soup sometimes they use soup as a side but like
you know there's tons of you know mashed potato baby yeah that is true if you're making fries
anyways just throw a couple on the ground or just like give me some uh dry penne just something to crunch on
i don't know look i'm not a chef you think of it up
you guys watch freaking top chef all day come up with idea you guys spend less time getting
mohawks and tattoos and more times thinking of sides for me, please.
You get a burger and it just comes with one of those folded paper fortune telling things.
That's fine.
Sure.
Yeah.
Let's play mash.
Pick a number.
So now we've seen, we've been in three cities.
Yeah.
And that's part of that.
I've been flying in and out of Seattle quite a bit. So I've been spending three cities. Yeah. Part of that, I've been flying in and out of Seattle
quite a bit, so I've been spending some time
here.
I'm heading to Chicago next week.
Okay. I'll report back.
Please do. This is so neat
that you get to go around and open
in these places because it's nice to
not have to worry about doing
an hour or whatever. It's nice to just have
that little slot at the beginning. man that's it i'm having that like in virginia the host it was a younger
comic and they were like i think you might be the least neurotic comic i've ever met which first of
all is that's a truly low bar sure but also i was like yeah i've been doing this you know i've been doing this over
a decade i got a 20 minutes in front of someone they definitely came to see i'm just i'm just
here for guar i'm having a blast now who's the most neurotic comedian you know let's name names
oh um i kid i kid you're Gary Shandlings
you're Woody
Allen
it's all an
act
yeah
that's right
yeah
that's
well
congratulations
on your
status
as
at least
neurotic
yeah
so in
between
touring
and all
the stuff
for you you staying at home?
Are you at your parents' Victoria place?
I know you kind of have some different stations you work from.
Yeah.
Last time you were on the show, you were talking about life in New York and how your mother visited.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Oh, I think that's the time before the last time.
The last time I was talking about how I was about to move to New York and then a global pandemic hit.
Oh, sure.
How did that happen?
Then what happened?
Yeah.
So these are mostly based right now out of East Van.
Okay.
Love it there.
Yeah.
And you've got an apartment that you've been in a long time.
So it's one of those rents
that's like dream rent or am i making that up nope i will die in this apartment for sure
unquestionably soon yeah it's got a lot of gas leaks that's why it's so cheap
yeah i uh moved into this room when i was uh just about 25 and now i'm still here with all of my possessions in the one
and you're 29 we all know yes you're the least neurotic and youngest comedian yeah
why would i be neurotic i don't age i want i often i'll walk past a place that I used to live and wonder how much it could possibly cost because it was like insanely low when I lived there.
Sure.
Yeah.
But that's got to be like it was a bachelor.
I don't know how much a bachelor would go for, but probably like.
What are we thinking?
Over a grand for sure.
Oh, I was going to say two.
Yeah.
Two grand.
Yeah.
That sounds about right.
1800 maybe. I think mine when i was there
was low hundreds yeah when we had when tim gray was here we were asking about rent to winnipeg and
basement suites were like 500 bucks yeah they had an apartment that was the whole
like floor of the apartment kind of thing it was like uh three sides of a square big and it was like you know
something i don't remember what they said but it was something like i was like
that kind of thing yeah i'm having that experience as i'm touring in these places
to like milwaukee as an example uh talking to another comedian they were saying like yeah
people are starting to get priced out of the city. They're starting to move, uh, you know, out as happens in towns.
I was like,
okay.
I was like,
what,
uh,
like what,
what is that price?
What's that price?
That's like,
and he was like,
yeah,
hustles up to like $400,000.
And I was like,
ah,
but then I was like,
oh,
I'm moving.
I'll just move here.
This is fine.
Yeah.
But then they,
then they took their debit card out of their wallet,
uh, to pay for their breakfast
and it was straight up like broken in half and they're like oh yeah i took it out to buy gas
in the winter and it was so cold my car just broke in half and i was like no no never uh i
should rethink this maybe yeah it's true like you never can really get a handle on a place if you're
there uh in the summer the early fall
yeah you're just here and like yeah i'm here for three days where it happens to be lovely and
tempered i can walk around everywhere and like just have a great time where everyone seems really
happy to be there but yeah i didn't come back um so we were talking you were talking about waking
up at dawn before and um it's uh so all right does anyone know for sure is daylight
saving time ever happening again like oh yeah they announced it like this will be the last time but
then no one really believes it yeah that was just a they were it's like when a when a persian rug
store is going out of business it was just a fire sale on say daylight saving
uh because i like and if they do if we do are we staying at summertime time or wintertime time
wintertime time um
oh that's all you know it's all big groundhog. They're the blame. Because like if dawn is 530 now, but if we have it the other way,
dawn would be 630, right?
No.
430?
I get so confused every year.
I just don't want to be confused every year.
There's an app for that, I think.
But like if we keep it the way it is in the summer,
then like the sun goes down here like 930 at night in the summer. Yeah. Yeah, I do like that.
You like that. Yeah, people like that because we get so little sunlight in the
winter. But in the winter,
like the sun will be coming up tomorrow
after nine in the morning. Like people will be driving their kids to
school in the dark. uh yeah that's i don't know that's why they did it they say they did it because of farmers
but and then and then like and that's as far south as we are but like in edmonton it'll be like
10 in the morning that the sun comes up kids will have their first because we'll have Jim in the dark I mean
I mean I guess
it won't make them
go to gym outside
I mean
in Edmonton
they don't run labs
at minus
40
yeah
I feel
I'm sad
like I feel like
I'm the only person
that I was distraught over the
idea that we weren't gonna do daylight savings time anymore because i just really like it
i like them i like changing the clothes yeah i like i like thinking oh it's oh the sun is going
down so early now but like i know i don't like it but i like being able to say that yeah
i just love that i love the thing that it's one of the last things that everyone does together
that's a good point like we just do this there's this con like time concept which we've decided on
which is made up and then we but we all have to agree on it or
it doesn't work and so we all do and we don't like in europe they do it like two weeks off
we're nine hours ahead except for this two-week period where we're eight hours ahead
oh bless them well i like that too too i like like, I like that Newfoundland has like their own little half hour.
It's like, yeah, you, you, you hold strong Newfoundland.
You're your own people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're the, you're come from away.
And there's, I'm sure there's a second thing.
Eyes the by the bills.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think I mentioned that last week.
Swing your partner,
Sally,
two boats,
your partner,
Sally Brown,
Fogo,
Twillingate and Morton's Harbor all around the circle.
Dave used to be a square dance caller.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Used to have just a beard with no mustache.
Yeah. What now that i'm thinking of it like what are other things that everybody has to be in on like besides being born you know that in europe mother's day and
father's day fall on different days no really so like abby abby grew up in in switzerland and then
and now she'll be like oh like oh i should call my parents for
mother's day i guess just my mother oh wait mother's day is different now like it's right
we used to be in march and now it's in may where we live interesting very interesting
like when do they have international hot dog day is that different
i think it's the same i say it's uh on international talk like a pirate day
man she must have so many calendars going yeah it's rough yeah it's funny you used to be able
to buy a novelty calendar that had all the days what they were and like every day was dedicated
to something there was no day that they took off just twitter like something will trend every day was dedicated to something. There was no day that they took off. Just Twitter.
Like something will trend every day on Twitter now.
Yeah.
May the 4th.
When's that?
We skip a year every year.
So it wasn't this year.
It was last year.
Yeah.
Is there anything like that where we skip a year?
I think the Olympics.
Yeah. Yeah.
Every four years.
Totally.
Elections every four years. Yeah. Every four years. Totally. Elections every four years,
uh,
by elections every two years,
uh,
in that gap,
right.
They do two years and then four years and then two years in America.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
They do the house of representatives every two years.
And good.
You know,
they should have to,
they should have to,
uh,
clean up their act and be responsible.
That's my, you know what? It's working should have to uh clean up their act and be responsible that's yeah and you know what it's working they're all cleaning up their act um yeah i uh when you've been hanging out in new york what's the they always say fall is so
beautiful there were you there for fall i've only done, in all of the time that I spent in New York,
I'd done maybe like five days that fell during autumn.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
Have you seen the movie Autumn in New York?
Not the ending.
How's it go?
I think she dies.
Ah, shit.
The one we did, we went to New York as a couple graham and i yeah uh we told her we told
the hotel we're on our honeymoon so we could get a better suite and only dave got the better suite
i was my room was canceled um we but we did a live episode from max funcon East with Hari Kondabolu. And I had just watched
Autumn in New York.
And if memory serves,
I had a shirt that was ready
for Hulk Hogan style ripping,
but it would not rip, so that you
and both Hari were ripping out the shirt
at the same time. It was great.
Like crazed fans.
And it would really hurt you.
It damaged your skin.
Yeah, yeah.
Really, it was like a rope going over my neck.
But fun.
Memories.
Memories that will last a lifetime because of that scar.
Yeah.
I've only been to New York in spring.
I don't think I've ever been there in fall.
But they say.
Except with me.
Oh, yeah.
But they say that it's better even with you you're by yourself
that's the way to experience it when i was there in fall was also it was like new york marathon
time oh shit it was just this past november and uh i forgot and there's no
i don't have feelings about this it sounds like i was like about to make fun of these people i
don't it's just that like that thing that happens the day after a marathon where people who have come in for the marathon and are maybe traveling home, like wear their finisher medal.
Yes.
Around.
And people, you know, when they go into the Starbucks and they have it on and then people who work at the Starbucks like, hey, congratulations.
Even though there's a piece that I want to be like, you can't can't be making them do that again that's they already did this for you yesterday
like right yes like they're just at work and you flew here to recreationally run 40 kilometers yeah
and then you need the whole town to be like way way to go. Yeah. Yeah. But like, if you got, you know, general stars or something like that, do you think you're
entitled to like a free side or something like that?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you for your service in the marathon.
Yeah.
Here's some free shoestring hash browns.
Yeah.
Oh, nice.
Nice.
If you want home fries, it will be $2.
We here at Starbucks salute you and enjoy the sous vide egg bite on us.
Oh, I noticed that your medal is a day old.
Also, this croissant.
Katie, you were a competitive swimmer, an endurance athlete.
Yeah.
Your specialty was like-
Enduring things.
Yes.
Still is.
Thank you.
Have you ever run?
Have you ever been drawn to running?
I have been drawn to running.
I'm very concerned that I'm feeling the pull to run now i've like i've been i've gotten back into
running just recently and i will be uh i mean we all know that i'm 27 as we've covered but i will
also be uh 40 next year and i'm feeling that like it's because of daylight savings time that's right
yeah i'm having for the
first time i'm like i guess probably i'll run a marathon this year okay like why i mean i haven't
started training for him just like yeah i think that i guess that's probably what's the furthest
you've run probably like 15 kilometers what's the furthest you've swam swam about this thing like holy shit like really yeah the longest uh like champ
championship races that i would do were 10 kilometers what's how boring is it oh boy
i mean like what's more boring running or swimming oh um swimming because like i guess there's
technology for this now but when you're running like i can wear headphones i could listen to anything i could listen to stop podcasting yourself hey
anyone out there is running a marathon right now people do it yeah oh don't you tie your
shoes your shoes are tied together just joking but anyways back to your marathon in the era that i
swam there was no yeah there's no technology for sure yeah it was just
like it's only your own dumb thoughts and whatever song repetitively you were singing to try to keep
that rhythm and like a tempo at the time wireless headphones water waterproof wireless headphones
couldn't exist but did you even imagine like if i had like a hundred meter long cable i could wear
headphones while i swim like towards the end of my time as a swimmer what they had they had come
out with a thing that would be like an am fm radio thing that you could oh sure that was waterproof
that you wear and only um the only person i ever knew that had one was uh triathlete simon whitfield had been
given okay it was yeah uh we trained together for for a minute and he had been given one and brought
it to a practice but uh yeah it didn't have you ever seen those things that are like some kind of
adapter for like it was like old pre wireless.
I don't even know what I'm describing,
but you had to like have your car tuned to a certain radio station to make
something to be able to listen to like an MP3.
Oh yeah.
That's that.
I can see that.
Like it was a drive-in movie.
Yeah.
Basically that.
That's pretty cool.
Um,
yeah. Like when you swim and it's just you know your own head do you remember what song would get stuck in there oh yeah there's lots you had like there's different
eras that i would use for sure that's very common i met um in winnipeg at winnipeg comedy festival
gram where you and i were i met david Pride for the first time. Oh, yeah.
Comedian.
And he was a swimmer, which I didn't know.
And he he shared that one of his swim songs was that like, ain't nothing going to break my stride.
Nice.
Very common.
A lot of swimmers have used that one for sure.
Yeah.
They replace it with stroke.
I know it could break my stroke.
Yeah.
They also listen to a lot of the strokes and
I used George Michael's Faith
for a season for sure
I used Twisted Sister
We're Not Gonna Take It
for a season
so is it just going
like
going over and over
how long does it take you to swim 10 kilometers just under two hours
and so you're swimming the whole time going
what would be the worst song cut night joe
hot night show the save by the bell theme song so pizza bagels ad
during training at the at the pool we would sometimes share pool time or like in we would
have the uh like competitive tank and the dive tank would have the synchronized swimmers which
i understand is now called artistic swimming but at my air they still felt it yeah do that like i appreciate you i guess
being woke about this but you can go we don't care what if there's a listener that like has
never heard that term they're like what possibly um but so you would have to hear whatever music
they had chosen for the season like they would choose the one song that they
would work on uh and i remember for what felt like it felt like more than a year for sure
they were using the greece mega mix nice yeah and the other thing is they would play the song
so you'd have to hear that in addition to whatever your own thoughts that you were tormenting
yourself with um and then you know
the way that a dance instructor will count when they're trying to teach someone dance like one
two three three two three but the these dancers are underwater so the way that the instructor
will do that will take a a little like steel bar and she will hit it against the steel rods of the ladders to get out of the pool.
So that was just for 90 minutes straight.
Grease Megamix with like this gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong.
So that they can try to count the beats.
Yeah.
Oh, they're the worst.
How does the Grease Megamix start?
Bam!
Ba-na-na-na-na-na-na!
Is that right?
That's right, yeah. how does the grease mega mic start yeah when I used to when I was in high school
and I would run I was part of like a runner
group that was indoors during the winter
and the song
that the um aropa's class
was dancing to every single week
at the beginning and then I think at the end
was uh feel the vibrations by
uh marky mark yeah
which isn't a bad one if you had to have one song to open and close with yeah yes and you
were running so you wanted you wanted to see sweat coming at your pores yeah exactly that's
why i sweat so much this day so brave dave what's going on with you my friend well guys uh a couple weeks ago
our friend alicia tobin was absent from her podcast retail nightmares yes uh she had a
bout of the covid the novel coronavirus which at this point, it's the basic coronavirus.
And she had to miss an episode, and they did a special episode all about... Puzzles.
Puzzles.
Yeah.
And puzzles for me are a thing I do in the wintertime.
They are a Christmas activity.
They're the week between Christmas and New Year's.
Right.
But they were talking about puzzles and all
the special like these cool puzzle brands i'd never heard of and it really inspired me to get
into to do a late spring puzzle late but instead of doing the cool puzzle brands they did they
talked about i did my same old basic uh well i call them boomer puzzles they're
this brand called white mountain and it's all like tv families and it'll be like the adams
family and dandy griffith and it's just puzzles of just like uh stuff that you know your uncle would like uncle likes a lot of stuff like yeah well
your uncle's a complex guy um but it's all just like oh jukeboxes and old-timey toys and
candy from the old days and root 66
oh boomers love root 66 but i've done these decade puzzles where they just do
it's just like a picture of like 200 things that happened in the 80s or the 90s i don't know if i
did the 2000s one but i picked up this one the 2010s oh the 2010s what are some of the well i
can't see let me tell us what are some of the highlights the thing is
the 2010s was so recent that i was like there's things on this that i'm like oh i don't remember
when that happened that seems too recent either that seems like from the 2020s or too long ago ago um like uh freaking uh catherine bigelow winning the oscar for the hurt lockers on here
and i'm like that seems like that just the 2000s that movie came out so long ago when did you did
you find out when it came out it came out in uh officially like it it officially came out in 2009 for eligibility in 2010 when she won
that's the 2020 2010s so there's like pictures there's there's pictures of both royal weddings
from the 2010s okay there's pictures of uh the boston bombing the uh deep water horizon
if you told me the boston bombing in 2002, I would totally believe you.
Sure.
I think it was 2012.
I don't know, though.
It was early 2010s.
It's got Colin Kaepernick kneeling.
It's got...
Oh, yeah.
But it's also got, like, Gangnam Style.
It's got trendy things as well as news things.
Newsmakers.
You gotta be stoked if your
one-hit wonder makes it into a puzzle.
Yeah!
Pretty good about that.
Megan Rapinoe and the American
women's soccer team.
It's got
you know, freaking
Stranger Things on here.
I like that it's the we didn't start the fire of puzzles it totally is that it's absolutely every decade is a different we didn't start the fire fire puzzle it's got a tesla but also a
mustang for some reason do you think that if billy joel did uh one a year that people would be super
psyched about it to hear it at the
end of the year or would they be like don't keep doing this this is great yes they would oh every
year and you would have to pick like tiny little nude stories yeah yeah same tune same uh you know
speed but just every year it'd be pretty fun i mean so i think that would really bring people
together in like d Dave was saying about
complaining about daylight savings time.
Like everyone would be like,
this is the,
I hate this thing so much.
And we would talk about nothing else for a day and a half.
So I have prepared a little game.
Here we go.
Fun.
And,
uh,
you can get,
I'm going to give you two options.
Okay.
And you guess which one is in the puzzle and which one is not.
Okay.
This is fun.
Do we ring in or do we?
No,
I'm not keeping score.
Okay.
All right.
But just like as some examples,
it's got both Royal weddings.
It's got occupy wall street.
It's got fidget spinners.
It's got that fire at the Notre Dame cathedral.
It's got those shark backup dancers from Katy Perry.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Left jerk.
Right jerk?
Anyways.
Left jerk.
I mean, I think it was her right.
Oh, stage direction.
That's always tricky.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, do you think this puzzle has Harambe or a Keurig coffee maker?
Harambe. Yeah, I'm going to say Harambe. It's Harambe. a Keurig coffee maker? Harambe.
Yeah, I'm going to say Harambe.
It's Harambe.
Okay, yeah.
Although that's a...
That's a pretty controversial one to put in a puzzle.
This dead gorilla, but...
That's what I'm saying.
That's like we didn't start the fire.
Like you'll just mention like a massacre and then be like...
Yeah.
Cola wars.
Yeah, exactly.
It's... Okay. a massacre and then be like yeah cola wars yeah exactly um it's uh okay do you think there is a jewel vape pen or miley cyrus i'm going with miley cyrus it's a vape really oh shit that's so crazy
is it because miley cyrus is timeless um i guess so so. Yeah, she's not on this puzzle.
It's weird the kind of things that...
It's got like the new Pope next to that time Rihanna wore a Pope costume to the Met Gala.
Both good.
Do you think it has Macklemore or Twilight?
I'm going to say Macklemore.
I'm going to say Twilight, but mostly because I just don't think in a small decal on a puzzle,
I don't think anyone could pick out Macklemore.
Oh, you can pick him out.
Here he is.
In the middle there.
Popping tags.
The Macklemore decade.
Do you believe it has Kanye West or that gymnast who won a silver medal and was like,
at her mouth all in the skew?
All quirky, yeah.
I'm going to say the gymnast.
Yay.
How can it have Macklemore and not Kanye West?
And yet it does. Because that's who boomers like boomers think macklemore is good and kanye west is some kind of poser yeah yeah
but put make sure you get that olympian in there because we're proud we're proud of her and her
quirky quirky little personality do you think it has lady gaga's meat dress or Fifty Shades of Grey?
I mean, how would you?
Meat dress?
Yeah, it's got to be.
How can you express Fifty Shades of Grey?
Would it just be a book or would it be?
What's your answer?
I'm going to say that it has to be the meat dress.
It's a meat dress.
But you could have a book cover.
I guess that's true.
I would have thought book book but you had just said
about how boomers love Macklemore and I was like I feel like
they really also really hung on to that
meat dress for boomers and reignited
their sex life to hear about Christian
Gray banging Don Johnson's
daughter
which is the name in the book Don Johnson's daughter
do you
think it has Bruno Mars
or that guy on Reddit who had two penises and did an ama
well i know what i want it to be trick question same guy
oh old dual dicks mars yeah no it has bruno mars uh do you think it has crazy rich asians or the muppet with autism i feel like the mother with autism was
passed no maybe it was in the 2010s i don't have a sense of when either of those things happened
what was the first one again crazy rich asians i'm gonna say that muuppet I'll say Crazy Rich Asians No it's the Muppet
Guys it's the Muppet
Do you think it has
The Banksy artwork that shredded itself
Or the
Moonlight La La Land mix up
It's gotta be the Moonlight
La La Land mix up it's gotta be
Banksy
It's Banksy
Ah nice banksy artwork
that shredded itself respect yes yeah it was it was a artwork that didn't want it didn't want to
live it only half shredded itself yeah anyways banksy keep doing your crazy crazy stuff we love
okay uh speed round here we go. Brexit or Ted?
Ted.
I don't know what either of those things.
I'm just kidding.
It's Brexit.
Hamilton or One Direction?
Hamilton.
One Direction.
Hamilton.
Damn it.
Kesha or Malala?
Kesha.
Malala.
Malala.
Damn it.
Downton Abbey or a Fitbit? Fitbit. Downton Abbey.
Fitbit. Shit. The Dress, That Dress
or Mr. Robot? That Dress. The Dress.
Mr. Robot. I don't know what that is. Is that the TV show?
Yeah. With Freddie Mercury in it.
Coachella or antoine dodson that guy who was like hide your kids hide your wife he climbed in your windows snatching your people up what
is the first one coachella coachella yeah i'm gonna say coachella it's antoine dodson
and finally uh laurie laugh, triple crown winner, American Pharaoh,
or Julian Assange.
This one is actually,
uh,
Mary fuck kill.
Yes.
Julian Assange.
Uh,
yeah.
Julian Assange.
Which one?
No,
this one,
this is literally Mary fuck.
Oh,
Lori Loughlin,
Julian Assange,
or American Pharaoh,
the triple crown winner.
Oh,
I would marry the Triple Crown winner.
And I would
fuck Lori Loughlin.
Yeah.
And then I would, I guess, have to kill Julian.
And either way, there's no right answer
except kill Julian Assange.
Yeah, that's right.
But, oh, Lori Loughlin,
I still love you yeah yeah we
all make mistakes like bribing and stuff like that everybody yeah yeah yeah that's something
that humans do honestly if i'm boy if i married and fucked her i know my kids would go to a good
college uh graham what's going on with you so that's a puzzle uh is a springtime puzzle i did
buy another springtime puzzle.
I don't,
I'll probably start that in the summer,
but are you starting this right away?
Oh,
you've not done this one yet.
I haven't done.
So the other one I got is the music one,
which is,
is like the history of music.
According to this puzzle company,
I bet you Macklemore's on that one.
I can't imagine it goes like earlier than 1950 like i imagine gifted a
puzzle like that that's all uh comedians oh yeah okay uh but it was made uh prior to the 2016
resurgence of the me too movement yes so it is a real where's the rapist right
yikes
yikes
what's going on with me not much I went to
the island of
Kate Ellen's birth over to
Victoria or Vancouver Island
famed
gummy bear sides
gummy bears are the
side dish
what did you get
what
as your side at spoons
I got uh
fries yeah
hash browns
they were pretty good maybe a little salty
it was breakfast yeah oh yeah you can't get salad
no that would be insane
that's gonna put your whole day off.
If you have salad in the morning,
your nap will be all out of whack.
Um,
yeah.
So I went there to perform at the comedy club hecklers,
which is always a really,
uh,
treat to perform there.
The audiences are so good.
And Aaron who runs it is so nice.
And he,
he does a great job
and uh so there's an early in the late show on the early show uh audience was really good but
little little pauses of chatter would start up you know amongst the show and if they're far enough
away i don't care chat away it doesn't matter to me but if you're right right beside the stage and
you're chatting it's gonna get uh
it's gonna get some attention i'm gonna call it out and this woman uh with her friends they were
trying to figure out a tip and uh i was like what the fuck man don't you have a phone like
so i looked i took my phone out and looked up the amount of the tip but like how are people are they paying in cash
like what the fuck is going on yeah people are because the machine does it for you now
um what uh i went to a and w a fast food restaurant oh yes i don't remember what the
letters stand for uh but they have a you do. Dave, I remember you saying that you knew
what those letters stand for.
Well, I ordered... What did I order there?
I ordered two things.
Yeah, what were those things?
Mmm.
One was woo beer.
What was the other?
Hamburgers.
Yes.
And then, this was my first like like chain fast food restaurant with a counter
that had a uh like a tip on the machine i'm for it i'm for it in a big way for her i'm like i'm
shocked that they don't have one at starbucks by this point likewise Likewise, yeah. Tip them all, as Metallica would say.
Yeah, exactly.
I think this is, I just, like, the thing now is that there are places that I was like,
I wouldn't tip here, but now there's a tip option.
And so I feel maybe bad for not tipping.
But like, sometimes it's like, at a liquor store, I got a tip thing.
And I was like, but what did i went and picked up the alcohol
myself and brought it over to the counter yeah sometimes i buy coffee beans from the store and
i'm like well from like a coffee shop and it's like well the bag of coffee beans is 20 and
like i'm not tipping on that like did they grind it for you no oh okay they're just grinding up
against me well that dave that's a worth at
least 15 yeah that's true when you did so when this person was when you calculated this tip for
the the audience member yeah how high did you go i went 20 also how high were you i was oh man i
was tripping balls everybody knew it um you gotta be to come up with some of your jokes.
That's true.
You're twisted, man.
Yeah.
So I went for 20% and an audience member confirmed that my calculations were correct.
And that's the first time I've ever had to figure out a tip since like, let's say like, you know, 2015 or something like that.
It's like if you're in a group and you're all paying individually, but now they'll just do that for you.
Yeah, yeah.
But like, I don't know, these women, maybe they were drug dealers and they had a lot of cash to throw around or.
I also like, I remember there was a time,
I don't think anyone does this anymore,
but there was a time when people were like,
well, you only get the tip on top of the net.
Oh, not the tax.
Yeah.
But now I think people just are like,
whatever, take it.
Yeah.
I believe in tipping everywhere,
but there are some things that I'm like, where is the line?
Is it just every bit of customer service you have?
Because that's fine if that's the rule.
But, yeah, the liquor store one threw me for a loop.
So it's like, hmm.
Yeah, I'm pro-tipping.
Yeah, I mean, I feel like it's bad and we should get rid of it and like people should just
get paid more.
Yes.
But like until then,
I feel like you,
if you can't afford to tip,
you can't afford to go up.
Yeah.
And if you got time to lean,
you got time to clean.
That's true.
Uh,
but I feel like,
yeah,
there are times when it's like our interaction was so small,
but something like that.
I'm not afraid of tipping lower because it's like,
I'll still tip,
but it doesn't have to be 20% or like if you're picking up an order from a
restaurant,
I think past guest has Van Rassel was like,
my standard is just,
I give you a dollar.
Yeah.
Fair enough.
You didn't wait on me,
but here have a dollar.
Here have a dollar.
What about you?
My coffee,
my default coffee shop tip went way up
when i like at the when things first kind of reopened in 2020 and coffee shops were back up
and i was just i was so grateful that they existed and i was like yeah and they had been shut down
for so long and i'm having trouble now being like i can't bring myself to adjust my default coffee shop tip back down.
Things have not gotten better for these people.
Yeah, but the business hasn't.
I'm like, yeah, that's it.
But I'm like, oh, now I guess this is the tip.
This is just the default tip that I gave at a coffee shop.
They'll go through their records and be like, wait a minute.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's loaded considerably.
Oh, give her the fresh skull.
Give her the skull that's sitting in the front.
Yeah.
I appreciate it when they look the other,
they pretend to look the other way when you're tipping.
Oh.
What is that?
I could dust over there.
There's one, there's a new one that I've seen a couple
of places it's like a black
square and the amount comes up on it
and you pay the tip but then
it shows the total and it just stays
there so you have to stay an extra five seconds
till you're like okay
this is okay now it's still anonymous
and away we go because I don't want the person
behind me to know what I'm doing either
private
and it
sings a little soft like 10 percent stop it don't turn it down i'm gonna put some money in the jar
yeah yeah i slipped i slipped them a five how do you feel about it when it has the default
like it it comes up with options you can put a custom or it'll have because of like 10 15 18 or
20 or whatever it is and then they assign uh like value judgments to those where they're like
pretty good oh yes yeah best service ever best service ever and i'm always like i always hit
the 20 and be like well yeah it was fine you know that made i guess yeah yeah like i didn't give
birth in your cab.
Have you helped or anything?
Yeah, I'm very happy for you to have this money,
but I don't know that I wouldn't have given you that best service ever.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Really putting words in my tip.
There's a Mexican restaurant down the street,
and I order online, and I show up,
and they're like, come here in 20 minutes. Your order will be ready in 20 minutes.
I get there, they're so shocked that I've ordered.
Respect. Oh yeah, no problem. Two minutes.
And I've already tipped
online. And you know what? I'm not going to...
You have that. That's for you. what? I'm not going to... You have that.
That's for you. Yeah.
Just steal a little something on your way out.
Nothing big, but just something.
Have either of you been to
a restaurant in North America where they
make a big thing about how there isn't
tipping at this restaurant and they have to give you
the spiel about like,
this restaurant is doing
profit shit. Yeah, tipping
goes back to slave times
well you don't have to give me that spiel
yeah I don't
I don't know if I know that's a thing but I don't think
I've been to one that
they say no like it's no tipping allowed
or discouraged or
well I've only I've experienced it once
there was this one restaurant
I went to in manhattan
with some family and at the end of the meal yeah the server comes up and they give the whole thing
they're like hey so this is how this bill is gonna work and uh this restaurant doesn't do
tipping and they you know we get paid this much and it's this and and it was quite long and also and i was with my uh the husband of my
mom's cousin and he's that's a that's a special relationship so what i say is the man i was with
is like this uh long island uh second gen italian new yorker guy and this lawyer and he just keeps
kind of shutting like shutting this kid down being like but so like i can't like can i but like are you gonna get in trouble you get in trouble if i put
like am i gonna if i leave some extra if i leave a little extra here for you is that like and the
guy can't say like yeah that'd be great yeah he's like but he's like yeah i mean i won't give i
won't get five like it was just this dance that then this like obviously working actor guy who
was also serving was trying to do
to be like yeah i would be super great if you also tip me even though we don't do tipping here
and i am getting paid appropriately to not be tipped but i won't i won't squeal on you if you
do yeah yeah and it was just like this very funny weirdly masculine dance these two men were doing about being like book can i like um
forever one time maybe two times in my life during doing stand-up somebody's giving me a tip
at the end of the show and it's usually somebody's gonna like pay you a hundred dollars which is
that's just a guy who's like tips everywhere doesn't give a shit are they ever sober uh no
probably not sober but or maybe Maybe that's just their policy.
I feel like they're the guys that palm
money in their hand and then
shake it.
Which is going away. That's unfortunate. There's no palming
a debit card. Yeah, that's true.
Excellent service.
Best service ever.
Yeah, best service ever.
Now, do you have tap in your hand?
Can I tap in your hand can i tap it in your hand
um yeah so that that happened on the early show and then the late show
two people in the table same table fell asleep so
is the table cursed i think it might be it might be a cursed table they should just remove it
uh whatever curse will still be there just move it to the back of the room
um so that's that's the kind of uh blowing your mind comedy that i do that you could uh
you could sleep right through it yeah what's the worst is that the worst audience reaction
you've ever had uh sleeping yeah no i think there was years and years and years ago there was a comedy club
called laugh lines and uh a woman fell asleep they had candles on the table so a woman fell
asleep and her hair caught on fire yeah no i was gonna say the same club uh they uh just people yeah yeah and it's great being on stage and being like
having to interrupt your punchline just be like fire
uh well do you guys want to move on to some overheards? Yeah. Yay.
Hal Lapland here with breaking news on a revolutionary form of entertainment, professional wrestling.
For more, we go to our correspondent, Danielle Radford.
Professional wrestling is the craze that's sweeping the nation.
Featuring fisticuffs and colorful costumes. But who can help us make sense of this world of body slams?
Lindsay Kelk has the answer.
Sources tell us of an amazing podcast called Tights and Fights
filled with discussions of the absurdity of professional wrestling
plus all the sincerity and hilarity that you could shake a stick at.
Listen to the Tights and Fights podcast every week.
Find it on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.
And your old-timey radio.
Hey there, I'm Ellen Weatherford.
And I'm Christian Weatherford.
And we've got big feelings about animals that we just got to share.
On Just the Zoo of Us, your new favorite animal review podcast,
we're here to critically evaluate how each animal excels and how it doesn't.
Rating them out of 10 on their
effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics.
Guest experts give you their
takes informed by actual, real
life experiences studying and working
with very cool animals like
sharks, cheetahs, and sea turtles.
It's a field trip to the zoo for your ears.
So if you or your kids
have ever wondered if a pigeon can count,
why sloths move so slow, or how a spider sees the world,
find out with us every Wednesday on Just the Zoo of Us
in its natural habitat on MaximumFun.org.
Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.
Overheard.
Overheard's a segment where, you know, there's a great wide world out there.
There's a lot of chatter.
There's a lot of chatter about all sorts of stuff.
If you're in the vicinity of that stuff and you hear it, lucky you.
And bring it here to the podcast.
That's what we would like.
And Katie, we always like to start with the guest would you please i would love to my overheard comes courtesy of uh white cliff park which is a beautiful uh swimming spot that i have been blessed to go to a couple times
with past guests and superstar of the pod alicia tobin alicia tobin absolutely i was having a beautiful
summer day with her last summer and then there was this group of young men youths like 1920
ish age and they're hanging out and crushing some cans in the sun and just being bros and
talking about and it was cute they were talking about uh girls and women but not
and not they weren't being gross but just kind of like kind of like oh who do you like like that
kind of yeah yeah yeah that's fun you got a crush on yeah that kind of stuff and then there was this
one bro and he was like they were all discussing uh some young woman and this one bro was talking like you know kind of trying to express that like
not
wasn't for him right
he was like yeah I mean like
I get that she's like statistically
attractive
yeah what are your stats yeah
let's run those numbers yeah what's her on
base percentage
they're slugging what Yeah, what are your stats? Yeah. Let's run those numbers. Yeah, what's your on-base percentage?
Yeah.
They're slugging.
What, um, so you mentioned these guys were crushing cans.
Hmm.
What cans are we crushing this summer, bros?
Oh, yeah.
I'm so glad you asked.
My drink of the summer, I'm calling it now, drink of the summer is Cinco Drink Co.
Cinco Drink Co.
Yeah.
It's a local company from East Vancouver and they do these great tequila can drinks.
They do an excellent Paloma.
Nice. And they have a tequila soda with lime, which I've not tried, but the Paloma is excellent.
Yeah.
And yeah, it's local east van and
you can get it in any of the local liquor stores and it's in the bcls now as well there's just like
such a such a renaissance of canned cocktails yes truth yeah yeah they'll be on the 2020 puzzle
yeah they'll be on the 2020 drink go what are you what's your uh what do you what cans are you
crushing um drink of the
summer the hot drink of the summer i haven't you know what i'll say i haven't decided yet because
i it hasn't hit me yet i've been trying a lot of different beers and i feel like it's going to be a
beer uh but i don't i haven't hit that one where i was like this is it this is the new gram this is
who i'm sticking with for the rest of the year and And as always, my candle of the summer is Heinz Baked Beans.
Did you know that
White Claw is a Vancouver business? What?
Oh, I didn't know that. Really? The company that owns White Claw owned Mike's Hard Lemonade.
They still own it in America. They sold it in Canada. Now they
own White Claw. They still own it in America They sold it in Canada Now they own And
They own
White Claw
Okay
Which is
And
And
Like isn't nude
And neutral
They're all
Vancouver companies too
I think
Those ones make sense
But
I remember
Like Canadians going wild
When White Claw
Yeah
Was available in Canada
It's owned by a company
Called Mark Anthony,
not named after the guy who's married to Jennifer Lopez.
Oh, shit.
But it's, these are some facts I learned about white cloth.
In Canada, it is made with vodka or like some kind of spirit.
In America, it is made with like malt some kind of malt so it can be this makes so much more sense why people
go we're going so wild so it can be sold in america as a beer like it's sold alongside
beer they use some kind of process where they make it with they make it as a beer and then they
do something to it at the last minute that turns it into like a vodka drink.
They cross their fingers and they say black magic.
And that's why like Bud Light has seltzers that are also sold as beer.
But it's a very, if you, I would like to do, I'd like to do a taste test like between canada and america
because apparently they're made differently in different countries uh well i'm going to
seattle on the weekend you want me to grab you some white cloth no i i think abby's going to
pick up some shoes at the postal office box as well i'd also don't care enough and i think you
have to declare any alcohol you bring across the border you said you wanted to so that's all i'm
just uh what are you. What are you doing
in Seattle? Just having
a night there, just going...
Going to go see Hari Kondabolu live?
I mean, if he's there,
why not? I could see him.
He's a fun comedian to watch.
He's got his
opinions, and he's very well
articulate about... I don't know if he still does
this bit, but he had some great opinions about Weezer as grown-ups doing children's music.
Very funny.
We love Hari.
We love Hari.
We stan Hari.
Dave, do you have an overheard?
Yeah. So I was driving deep into the suburbs as I passed the suburbs into the Fraser Valley.
Okay.
An area for reasons that I will talk about later on a future episode.
Okay.
But I was going, like, once you get into Abbotsford and Chilliwack, it's farm country, and you start seeing signs on these farms that are religious.
Oh, sure, yeah. And the deeper you get into the Fraser Valley, like, the more fire and brimstone they get.
It starts with, like, you're in God's country.
And then it's like, well, okay, well, sinners repent.
And then it's like, okay, well, you are a sinner and I'm talking to you.
And so I was looking for these signs and I didn't find one.
But today I found something that we're recording this before Father's Day.
I think it's coming out after Father's Day.
But I saw a sign in a field that's
just said and they're not like handmade signs they're like big printed signs and this sign said
it just said appreciate your father and then underneath it wrote write to him call him visit
him that's nice yeah it's a nice all-around message of course it is um do they have
like where like usually you would have turnoffs for like gas and lodging was it churches the next
church for the next 100 miles there they mostly have you know berries and corn i feel like for
most fathers they're like write to him him, call him, visit him,
or like the fuck,
marry,
kill of things you could do for your dad.
Cause they're like,
I'm sure he's like,
Oh,
letter that was thoughtful.
Oh,
you came by.
I love it.
Why would you ever phone me?
Why would you do that to me?
FaceTime?
Would you like to never FaceTime your dad?
Absolutely.
Do not FaceTime your dad.
And I'm talking to my kids right now.
absolutely do not facetime your dad and i'm talking to my kids right now uh um my overheard comes courtesy of a trip on the bc ferry just yesterday
these people on the ferry don't they see you coming and they zip up their mouth no i wear a
disguise i'll uh tyra banks when she dressed up in a fat suit.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
So nobody knows.
Nobody knows.
But I was sitting in the area where all the walk-off traffic is,
and there was a guy with a cat carrier bag that has mesh,
and you could see it.
And it was a ferret.
And he was.
Or as Katie Allen's friend says, a ferret.
A ferret.
I was going to call you Katie Perry for a second.
I get that all the time.
Yeah.
So he had a ferret and then a woman struck up a conversation with him uh about the ferret
and then at one point she said uh well it's cool that you have a ferret and then he reached down
to a bag I didn't see and he's like I got three ferrets no one has ever had one ferret yeah that's
right yeah you have one they just come in packages of two, like a popsicle.
It's three for a fuck, Mary Kill.
Ferret, Mary Kill.
Can you imagine if it was like, that guy has three ferrets on the ferry, but is just absolutely incensed that someone would talk to him about his
ferrets.
Please respect our privacy.
Please respect the privacy of being the snake around my neck.
Anyways,
I wish that ferret guy.
Well,
I hope his ferrets are blossoming or whatever you say.
They're molting. they're shedding their skin
now we have overheards sent in to us from people all over the map you want to send one to us it's
sby at maximumfund.org this first one comes from andrea in calgary i was driving in calgary the
other day and happened to end up behind this car who had an interesting bumper sticker in the window
and it just said, no fart in car.
Was it an Uber?
Two things you gotta know up front.
Wear your seatbelt and no fart in car.
Yeah.
No cash left on premises. No fart left
in car. I know my rights. you can't search for farts in here
yeah you need a
warrant
so that was you know that's pretty good
officer may I remind you
that you smelt it
yes I smelt it
so that means you oh no that means I dealt it
oh double jeopardy
this next one comes from Yes, I smelt it, so that means you... Oh, no, it means I dealt it. Oh, double jeopardy.
This next one comes from Justin
from Notre Dame
aux Trees du Buckland,
Quebec.
Yeah, I love their...
You go on a little winery
tour. Oh, yeah?
It's a nice wine country?
Did I pronounce it well at all or was that butchering
it i don't know you said a bunch of letters it's like you were reading an eye chart
i'm just checking the email notre dame auxilia trees okay de buckland
go back it feels like it's it switches to a hard right turn to english at the end
um is is there's a woman who with whom i share an alley behind my apartment who's always screaming
at other people from her balcony you can just call her your wife you don't have to break it
down like that uh today she directed her anger towards the garbage men for some reason.
I only caught the last words she said, which were, I'm 63 years old and I've never been happy.
So, if they're like, cheer up.
A good way to win an argument.
Yeah, and then just walk away.
Take that.
I've never been happy, but I've always been right.
Just walk away.
Take that.
I've never been happy,
but I've always been right.
But like,
what would be something that would bring you to your balcony to actually yell?
Like,
are we talking fireworks?
Are we talking rowdy teens?
Not never.
It's too dangerous.
Anything like that?
Would you feel if a dog was barking too much?
Yell at a garbage man?
No,
to yell at a dog.
No, to yell at somebody that's doing some sort of offensive thing oh oh no i'm i like the one thing is like
if you flip off someone in your car you'll you can never see them again but if you flip
off someone from your house they know where you live yeah there's, there's a lapse in the logic for sure.
I have a real, like, the alley behind my apartment,
as far as I'm concerned, that is the Wild West.
Anything that happens in there that is their domain,
they can do whatever they like.
Like, if someone comes through and, you know,
whatever gets in some kind of fights 3 a.m.,
it's like, yeah, well, you're in the alley.
Yeah, that's true. That's a lot. Okay it's like yeah well you're in the alley yeah that's
true that's a lot okay like if they did on the sidewalk in front of homes i would be outraged
but if they do it in the alley behind my apartment i'm like yeah yeah that's what that's for yeah oh
that's very yeah okay there's jurisdictions and yours ends at the the alley other cops have to go
and take care of the case someone stole my bike a few months ago and if i saw them
today riding my bike in the alley i'd be i wouldn't say anything
you drive by and throw money at them yeah where's your helmet
you have the you have my lock do you want the key to it you didn't steal the key
hey that's my bike what is the name of the fictional band in reality
bites i just wanted to check did you like that film deep cut
um this last one comes from mc in connecticut are you going to connecticut at any point on this tour
oh the gentleman with whom i ate barbecue who extra tipped.
He lives in Connecticut for sure.
I'll hit Connecticut.
Nice.
Yeah.
It's I don't know what it's like up there.
It's gentleman with whom I barbecue.
Just talk normal.
It's like, you know, it's Gilmore Girls country.
Yeah.
Oh, OK.
Yeah, I could see it i was at a hotel in connecticut uh where there was some kind of fancy dinner happening two kids maybe 10 years
old were hanging out in the lobby and they said this boy and my body will be eaten up in the ocean
and then my bones will be washed ashore and that how he'd become a children's mobile. The girl says, what's a mobile?
A stick with things
hanging off it?
That's what happened to Osama bin Laden.
That's true.
How come he's not on this
freaking puzzle?
He was more
the first 2000s, wasn't he?
Yeah, wasn't it?
It was like before 2010.
I know, but his being killed.
When was he killed?
That's what I'm saying.
2011 he was killed.
Really?
Really?
Yeah.
Oh.
He was killed roughly at, I know, like it was like quarter past zero dark or maybe a little after zero dark 15, zero dark 25 or so.
Is that what the movie's about?
Yeah.
You never seen it?
No, I've never seen it.
Never will.
Chris Pratt.
Early Pratt.
It's an early Pratt.
In addition to overhers that are written
and we also accept your phone calls,
if you want to call us,
our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.
That's one. Ugh. Spy spy pod one like these people have hi friends uh
i well i guess no hi calling in with an overheard um this is a few years back and my brother is on
a football team he was like 18 19 at time, and they had all gone to wing nights
because it was Wednesdays and Brewsters had a great deal.
That part is not important.
Anyway, they go through wings like nobody's business.
You get a plate of like 10, and each of these six football boys
had so many, like 40 wings each.
And then one of them, I don't even know if they were drinking
or if this is just this guy's deal but he like stops and he's just like dang like think about
all the chickens that had to die for this and then this other kid was just like oh well you know six
or seven maybe everyone kind of stopped and looked at him and and they're like, hey, how many wings do you think you get from a chicken?
And he just kind of looks at them, and he's just like, oh, at least 30.
Yeah, so, yep, off I go.
Bye.
I mean, honestly, with the genetic modification, that might be very true.
I mean, he's not wrong.
When you get served a wing, you get served half of a wing.
So it's four per chicken.
Four per chicken.
Okay.
Like at a bar, a wing is a flat.
We will never know how many less fours than 30.
Yeah.
I mean, did he say three or 30?
I'm not sure.
Oh, I thought he said 30.
I thought he said at least 30.
How many wings come from a chicken?
That's what I thought.
What did he say?
Yeah.
Let's hear it again.
How many wings do you think you get from a chicken?
And he just kind of looks at them and he's just like, oh, at least 30.
Oh, yeah.
At least 30.
Yeah.
I thought he was saying three.
You know how people make three into two syllables?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Three is so much stranger than three.
Yeah, they have the ones on their sides and then the one that comes out of their head.
This dude thinks that chicken wings are chicken fingers, yeah?
Oh, yeah.
There you go.
Like that it's the same?
And they're like, chickens are just like waggling their little
fingers like they're gonna tickle you it's bob fossy hands yeah next phone call hi dave graham
possible guest this is massey w in toronto uh i just saw on the street there's a couple of dog
owners who stopped their chit-chatting a little bit.
One of the two had a, you know, a bag out to pick up after their dog, and one of the kids
was on a longboard laying down and kind of
kind of gate-sworded through both of them
and
through a big piece of
dog poo.
And one person,
I guess the kid's mother,
started kind of like freaking out, like,
oh, don't go.
Don't stop. Don't go back.
Don't pick up your longboard.
Anyway, it was gross
and hilarious. Off I go. Anyway, it was gross and hilarious.
Off I go. I think I got lost in there. So, it was a
longboarder. Kid lying down on a
longboard, like lying down on it
and going through dog poo and his mom freaking out.
No, don't pick it up. No, don't go back.
I thought that he threw
dog poo and I was like, Jesus Christ. No, he went through
dog poo. That's so funny.
Lying down on a log board and then rolling that board through dog shit.
If you do live in Toronto, as this is where the story took place,
is the only way in an urban environment to recreate exactly what it's like to go dog sledding.
Those dogs shit so much and you are behind them and then they just drag you through it
i guess never for a second thought about that but there you go oh there's well they love running
so much and they're so excited so especially when you first start out it is just shit city do they
keep running while they poop or are they like, no, nobody can break my stride.
So they're humming in their heads the whole time.
And your final phone call.
Hi,
Dave Graham and esteemed guests. This is Adam from Milwaukee calling in.
I was walking out of our local grocery store when I,
uh,
walked by a group of college bros walking out.
They had a 30-pack of Natter Day's on one shoulder, which is a pink lemonade beer.
One of them turns to the other one and says, yeah, they're pretty good,
but after nine or ten of them, you throw up.
Anyway, off I go.
That's my can of the summer.
Yeah.
Oh, that is Milwaukee, baby.
What was the thing called?
Willowbur?
Natterdays.
Natterdays, okay.
I think nine or ten or anything will make me throw up.
No, you got to switch it up like the rhyme says, you know, beer before whiskey.
Feeling frisky.
Yeah.
Wine after beer.
What are you doing here?
Yeah.
Nine liquors before nine beers.
You're in the clear.
Well, those are all excellent.
And with that, it brings us to the end of this episode.
Katie Ellen, where can people find all the things that you do?
Oh, a great place to find it is at katieellen.com nice k-a-t-i-e
hyphen e-l-l-e-n.com or uh yeah follow me on uh instagram or twitter those are both great those
are at ms katiellen m-s-k-a-t-i-e-e-l-l-e-n cool Oh, I also just want to say we've, we had
a few guests on the last few months who were promoting
things that weren't out yet.
Oh, shit. And so, yeah.
Aaron Reid, a few weeks ago,
has an EP out. That's right.
Where do you get that?
I think you can get it at Bandcamp,
I believe. Yeah, Aaron Reid,
R-E-A-D, at
.bandcamp.com. It's called Healthy. Check it believe. Yeah, Aaron Reed, R-E-A-D.bandcamp.com. It's
called Healthy. Check it out.
Also,
Amber Harper Young
has an album called Drenched.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, we
were talking about this track on the album about
doing something in a public pool.
And now, if you finally want to hear it
and you can that's a great joke yeah you know just i've given you enough details um that's very
dave that's very thoughtful to do that i would never think to do that in a million years so
that's and also charlie demers his second novel is out shit now what was that called his second's
out and i haven't even read one so jesus christ
i'm not kidding i i read his first but it's it's called uh noonday dark and it is a dr enic
boudreaux mystery number two cool so it's it's part of the uh enic boudreaux mystery series
and the the mystery verse so other yeah it's actually bounces back and forth between
that and Dr. Strange
she said Dr. Strange
is his other therapist
well thank you so much Katie for being our guest
this was so much fun it was a genuine
pleasure always a treat I love
your show so much and I love
the bumper so much one of the greatest
treats ever is if I meet a spy fan when I'm out in the
world or in the road,
I just,
I love it so much.
You're all just the greatest.
And people can listen to your podcast,
uh,
horny off main as well.
Yeah,
absolutely.
Check that out.
Um,
well,
yeah,
thank you again.
And thank you out there listeners.
Um,
you know,
why don't you take some time today and,
have a really nice
sit. Just have a nice
sit today. And crush your summer can.
Yeah, crush your summer can. Just have a nice sit.
And come on back next week for another episode
of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org
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