Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 801 - Racquel Belmonte
Episode Date: July 25, 2023Comedian Racquel Belmonte returns to talk teen magazines, boy bands, and old references....
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Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Woo!
Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 801 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, you know, if nobody else can do it,
he's the guy we look to in our hour of need, Mr. Dave Schumke.
Yeah, if they can't do it, no one can. No wait, if he can't do it, no one can.
If he can't do it, no one can.
If no one else can do it, well, we'll look to him in our hour of need.
What are we, what am I doing?
What are you doing in our hour of need?
Yeah, what do you need done?
We need inspiration.
We need a sense of hope.
Wouldn't that just be so easy?
If I could just radiate inspiration.
But no, people usually need other things done.
That's true.
Food and water and stuff.
Yeah, and if you do a a job interview they can't just be
like we just need a guy to like shoot the breeze just like a fun guy uh-huh and i'm not by the way
i'm not a fun guy either i disagree i think you're a fun guy you're funny wait a minute
you just called me a mushroom hey you told me me this isn't a fun guy check this guy out like it works in a microphone
i on like it's undeniable that we're having so much fun but face to face with an adult no sir
too hard they don't want it what did you just say did you just say you're not a fun guy are you making a mushroom joke sir
sir this is a wendy's and you can't have the mushroom mushroom nader we'll get to our guest
eventually our guest a returning guest of the podcast she's oh so funny he's part of a sketch
duo that performs in Toronto.
The fifth season of a show that she has a voice on called The Dragon Prince debuts in three days.
It's Raquel Belmonte, everybody.
Hello.
Yes.
Look at these fun guys.
Just a couple of fun dudes. A couple of creminis, a couple of boy shiitakes.
I love that. Yeah, what's your favorite, Raquel, rightminis, a couple of, uh, boy shiitakes. I love that.
Yeah.
What's your favorite cow right off the bat?
What's your favorite mushroom?
God,
I'm really getting into creminis these days.
Before I was all about the shiitake,
shiitake.
Yeah.
Um,
for the classy gals,
but yeah,
I love them.
They're adorable.
They're cute.
They're small.
I love them.
Creminis are the,
the,
like just the button mushrooms.
Yeah.
They're so cute. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I like an oyster mushroom. I likeis are the, the, like just the button mushrooms. Yeah. They're so cute.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like an oyster mushroom.
I like a,
like a big,
a chewy,
a chewy guy is what I'm looking for.
Have you had a deep fried oyster mushroom?
Yes.
Oh,
I know.
It's one of those things.
Like I wish I didn't know it existed.
Cause now that I know that's all I want,
you know?
Totally.
Yeah.
It's any deep fried mushroom thing is out of this world.
Frying them in butter.
Oh, bro.
Oh, brother.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
What have you ever seen?
Either of you hop in.
Have you ever seen this movie called The Truffle Hunters?
Is that the one with the is it a French guy
did you tell me about this
I'm sure I did because I love it
it's about these Italian guys
of course classic
old Italian men whose wives don't want them
hunting for truffles and they're like
I gotta do it
but last time you fell down
they're all like 80 years old and sneaking out with their dogs to dig up truffles.
And then meeting in back alleys like to sell the truffles to restaurants.
And they're like, the market price is, I don't know the market price.
You tell me the market price.
I'm trusting you here.
I'm just a guy who bought a bunch of mushrooms.
Yeah, and don't tell my wife I'm here.
She'll kill me if she finds out I'm eating truffles. here i'm just a guy who bought a bunch of mushrooms yeah and don't tell my wife i'm here this sounds like my new favorite movie i can't believe i haven't seen it it feels like
an important part of my heritage you did the when you said i haven't seen it you did the
the finger the italian thing a little clap clamp uh yeah yeah no i know old people old men in my family who who forage for
troubles are they selling them in back alleys i hope so yeah it's great uh check it out uh
the travel hunters have we got said get to know us yet nope let's get to know us. Get to know us.
Raquel.
Raquel, last time you were on,
I went and listened back
because I was like, oh, Raquel.
We'll get Raquel on the show. She's only ever been on
Zoom. Now that we're back in studio,
she can come in to Vancouver.
She can come in our studio.
No, she's in Toronto.
I was wrong. She's in Toronto.
I ruined it and I'm sorry. But last time
you were on, you had just moved to Toronto
and your
landlords were
screaming through the walls
and you thought they were going to get a divorce. Do you still
live there? I still live here
and they are very happily together
still. Oh, good.
I think better than ever for them
if i'm being honest oh are they swinging on the chandelier oh like they're making whole different
type of noise yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah they just they go out more and then they come home
and fight but at least they're sleeping on in this on the same floor which is nice because i don't
hear the snoring anymore but it's good things. Things are great. Oh, that was happening.
So he was like, I'm in the doghouse tonight.
Honk shoe.
Oh, he honk shooed the fuck out of that sleep.
Am I allowed to swear?
I'm so sorry.
Please, we encourage it.
Yes.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Big honk shooer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Things are good.
Things are great.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Were you going to ask me something else? No, no. We want to know. Things are good. Things are great. Yeah, sorry. Were you going to ask me something else?
No, no.
We want to know.
What are you, what's life looking like these days for you there in the Toronto?
I would love to share with the two of you.
Last time I was on the show, I talked about having a crush on the guy that worked at Home Hardware.
Yes.
Oh, did you?
Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
So, since then. Wait, wait. What did did you? Yes. Okay. Okay. So since then...
Wait, wait.
What did we say?
Was there like a plan of attack?
Did we come up with a...
You go in and pretend you're, you know, a shelf broke?
Yes.
I mean, that sounds like a better idea than the one we came up with.
And I feel like this would have been more successful.
Did we come up with a plan?
We like jokingly came up with this is what
i should do this is what you should do i don't know okay i got a message i got a message in my
in my private not my private dms i got a dm in like the unfiltered folder where it's people who
you don't follow who message you i don't know if that was english any of that but um it was from him it was from him
he sent me a dm saying you were a guest on a podcast and you a co-worker of mine uh told me
to listen to it and i'm the only australian guy who works at the blore street uh home hardware
uh-huh did he remember you what yeah he remembered me because
i was short and i was like not because i'm hot as hell because i'm small fine no but um hey this
is great this is great i'm strapping myself in i'm surprised i haven't heard about this yet
yeah well it's because it has a very sad ending. So we talked for a bit.
We went back and forth.
We shot the shit.
Neither of us followed each other just because, you know, keep things sexy.
Sure.
Then he asked me out.
He said, would you like to go out?
I can't remember.
I can't remember when.
This was like months ago.
Months ago.
Maybe last year even.
And I was like, yeah, sure, I'm free these days.
Haven't heard from him since.
Still waiting.
Still waiting.
I can't go into that home hardware anymore, though.
Yeah, that does suck.
Really embarrassing.
Really embarrassing for me.
Well, you could make a grand entrance and be like, who the fuck do you think you are, Australia?
I kind of love that
yeah i'm gonna just pop in yeah yeah throw a wine glass of paint in his face whatever
pull a saw off the wall and be like you like this
you want this because you can't have it anyway Maybe buy some picture hooks while I'm in there.
Yeah, sure.
You know, get some of those 3M strips.
Yes.
Stuff like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you use those 3M strips?
Graham, Graham.
She's trying to tell us more about this thing.
I thought it was over.
Oh, I'm never finished.
I wish.
No, it's good.
Keep me in check.
No, no, no. I do use 3M strips. I love the 3M strips. I wish. No, it's good. Keep me in check. No, no, no.
I do use 3M strips.
I love the 3M strips.
Shut up.
Who cares?
I could go on.
But another thing that we had talked about, because I was like, oh, I just moved here
and I'm hanging stuff up and I'm useless when it comes to like home stuff.
Oh, what do you use?
Like 3M stripy things?
Sticky strips?
You know she loves the 3M strip.
You know. I am a 3M strip guy things? Sticky strips? You know she loves the 3M strip. You know it.
I am a 3M strip guy.
That's my thing, is 3M strips.
And anyhow, he was like, well, I'll help hang all your stuff up.
And I was like, oh, perfect.
Perfect.
He can build all my furniture.
He can do this.
He can do that.
No.
I think I was more excited for him to put the pictures up on my walls versus actually going
out with him yeah sure you're more into the hanging than the banging exactly maybe he caught
on to that and he's like she's using me for my skills around the home well the thing about the
3m strips is you don't even need skills it's a simple process you go peel stick, squab and hang and then when you're done
you pull and it doesn't leave a mark
3M strips
available at Home Hardware
home of the handyman
here's what happens though
in the summer when it's hot
they melt and the things fall off
they fall off the wall
if the place is hot during the summer
so be careful, be careful with anything you've hung up with those maybe you've taken down during the summer and then hang them
back up what do you got do you got air conditioning where you are yeah i do have i have air conditioning
i'm nice and cool i'm wearing a sweater when i it's very hot outside these days apparently in
vancouver it's very hot for you as well oh yeah sweating big old scorchers yeah a bunch of sweaty babies yeah i got
some big old scorchers over here a couple of scorchers kill me okay yes but that's my that's
my update that's my my home i you know i'm killing it out here would love to kill him no i won't kill
him but would uh would uh love to know what happened would love to know what happened. Would love to know. Yeah.
Maybe his visa expired.
What about that?
He's not even allowed in the country anymore.
Not even allowed Instagram anymore.
Oh my God, you're right.
And he was too embarrassed to let me know.
Yes. That's what it was.
He's in Brisbane thinking about you.
And how could I show my face on her DMs again?
Totally.
He's surfing a wave and, you know,
crying tears into that wave.
Good.
He's blowing, sadly,
into his didgeridoo.
The saddest instrument.
A melancholy didgeridoo drone.
I want that so bad.
So what else is going on?
Yeah.
So tell us about your life out there.
What's shaking?
How's your love life?
My love life?
Surprisingly fantastic.
Oh, okay.
Crazy story.
Yeah.
This is, this is honestly so proud of this.
My best friend, I had a best friend that I met when I was doing comedy school in Chicago
10 years ago. We've been school in chicago 10 years ago we've
been best friends for like 10 years i went to a harry styles concert last year and i stayed with
him because he lives in los angeles okay and then we fell in love and now we're like fully like
we're gonna get engaged and married shut up yeah we're like planning a life together it's crazy it's wow yeah yeah so so fuck you
australia yeah i mean you could just waltz into the home hardware with the ring on your finger
like oh you know what could i actually need something over there something can i have that
nail what do they sell there? I don't know.
You don't even remember.
It's in your rear view.
That's the thing.
So what's the timeline?
What's going on?
I'm confused.
I'm so surprised by this.
This is great.
Yes.
We're all confused.
So the title starts with Watermelon Sugar,
and then it goes into all this late night talking.
Yes.
Then he does a cover of Out of Style style even though he knows it's about him and that's a big self-reflective moment god this is the most
beautiful back and forth i've heard in years i love it um yeah i was yeah we kept in touch
every time every time we were in the same city one of us would have a boyfriend or girlfriend and yeah I went there and
something was different maybe it was just really horny because of the Harry Styles concert I'm not
sure what it was I was just very open and vulnerable um no I don't know it was it was
really good and we had another friend with us so that was also very interesting um because we were
like not sneaking around but we didn't want her to feel weird or uncomfortable
because what we were doing was kind of gross um at the Harry Styles concert no not at the concert
sadly but before I think I was just getting like I don't know we were like kissing we were like
sneaking away and kissing and we're like in our 30s so it was like weird to do but we'd be like
all three of us in a target and we'd like sneak away ands. So it was like weird to do. But we'd be like all three of us in a Target.
And we'd like sneak away and go in an aisle and be like, ooh.
We like, yeah, I don't know.
So it was like the moment you started staying with him in LA, it was on.
It was like the second day.
I felt it the first day, but I ignored it because I was like, no, friends first, blah, blah, blah.
I'm bad for you.
I'd hate to lose you as a friend.
I love you, but only as a pal.
But then he brought it up one night and I was like, no, no, no, no.
But then I was like, what am I doing?
What am I doing?
And then I was like, okay, fine.
I think this is how I feel, but I also am too.
I'm scared.
I'm a scared girl.
Sure.
What if this ruins everything?
And then he's like, what if it's the best thing that's ever happened to us?
And I was like, no one ever put it that way.
And then we kissed, and it was fine.
And was it, did the room feel like it was spinning?
Did music swell?
Did you?
It was so great.
Yes.
Now, every time I look at him,
I think of Harry Styles.
I'm hoping to get Harry Styles at our wedding to sing
our first dance.
That would be appropriate
and he should consider it.
Oh, I wonder if there's
a Harry Styles impersonator
that you can hire.
I wonder if like...
There's got to be one, right?
There's got to be a Harry Styles impersonator. Yeah, the best I wonder if like, there's gotta be one, right? It's gotta be Harry Styles.
Yeah, the best I could do was a Zayn.
I think Zayn would
do it though. Like actual Zayn will
come and officiate.
Rude. But yeah,
my love life, fantastic.
I'm going,
I'm in the Toronto Fringe Festival that's
happening, so I'm doing some sketch
comedy out here for a while.
That's honestly, guys, just been like doing improv like a little nerd.
It's been interesting.
It's been an interesting time.
Are you going to move to you move into Los Angeles?
Is this how this is all going to work?
Surprise.
Yes, I am.
He's going to come move here for a couple of months so i can like just finish off the year and
like say goodbye to my friends um but he is yeah i'm gonna move there in january jerry that's
amazing i don't know how to drive so it's gonna oh wow it's a big car it's a very walking friendly city. Those assholes love cars.
There's highways everywhere.
I don't understand it. I wish
I would anyhow. So I was like, you have
to drive me everywhere because I don't know how
and he was like, fine.
In songs, they always talk about highways and
byways, but I don't know if I've ever been on a
byway. No, I don't think I
have either. Which one's a byway?
I don't know. It's just a thing that rhymes
with the highway i like it in in most songs pretty much every song they mention it are you
gonna learn how to drive maybe who knows i don't want to but i should i should i want to be like
independent while i'm out there have you ever tried to learn how to drive? I have. I actually, technically, I have my N, my novice license.
Oh, you got it here.
I got it in BC, yes, years ago.
But I got into too many car accidents, so I stopped driving.
What's too many?
Like, I want to say a nice handful.
Like, hearty.
It's a hearty handful.
Like, they were big car accidents.
Big ones.
Okay.
I mean, if I had several big ones, I'd probably swear off it for a while.
Yeah.
I thought, I think now's a good time to take a break.
Maybe this is the universe telling me to stop before I hurt someone.
Were these like car on car accidents or car on, you know, horse or car on, you know, like,
did you run into a wall?
Car on car.
Um,
it,
yeah.
Oh,
I've hit curbs so many.
I popped a tire on my car.
Yeah.
I popped a tire on my car twice for hitting the curb so hard.
Believe it or not.
You can't do that.
Yeah.
That's happened to a wife of mine that I know.
Wife of mine that I, that I of mine that i that i know i love that
it's it's very easy to do um i most of them have been car on car one that scared me the most was i
was in a taxi but i didn't wear a seat belt so that was my fault and i was like i will never
drive again because but you weren't driving the taxi unless were you driving the taxi in which
case you shouldn't have been i'll never tell because the case is closed and i'm not allowed
to say shit oh really no no no no no i know i wasn't driving but i was very in the wrong for
not wearing a seat belt i was like i have to get to an improv show this is why you shouldn't do
improv kills you can't wear a seatbelt on the way.
No.
Anyways, I would like to try driving.
My parents keep trying to, like, get me driving lessons for Christmas.
I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do with this?
Be scared?
I could, yeah.
Take them, sell them.
Sell them in the back alley.
Sell them?
Yeah.
Oh, that would be a very funny birthday present to give somebody driving lessons.
Driving lessons.
I have a little brother who's, he just turned 21.
Wait, I guess during the pandemic, he would have been a lot younger than that.
And he had just got his full license.
So he had all these leftover driving lessons.
And everyone in my family, it was like, oh, God, they just kept. Raquel, maybe you take those driving lessons and everyone in my family it was like oh god they just kept
raquel maybe you take those driving lessons and i was like maybe you shut the fuck up
i know yeah i'm a bad girl but anyhow yeah sorry i don't know what i'm saying anymore
do you drive y'all drive love it yeah yeah i'm a bit of a street racer myself
yeah dave tokyo drifts he yeah drift i um he knows that family
is forever or family's number one it's all yeah i race for pinks uh races for pinks yeah that's
what kind of racing car do you have again dave what kind of racing car do i have yeah yeah uh
formula one formula one i have a yeah an open-wheeled racer. I'm on the...
I'm on AlphaTauri,
which is the sort of a sub-Red Bull team.
Okay.
Do you use nitrous?
Are you a nitrous guy?
Yeah, I take a little before the race
just to keep me focused.
Because I'm actually less focused,
but I like to be silly.
I race better when i'm silly um well that's no crowd this is there's so many things going on i can feel like
my head's spinning so you maybe will learn how to drive maybe not yeah but what i really want
to talk about is in
the background of your shot right now which thing there's so many my house is a disaster in more
ways than one so you pick i'm picking you have what seems to be a matching turquoise microwave
turquoise uh oh my god there's more behind you toaster maybe not turquoise aquamarine light blue
uh a soda stream yep uh is there something else but at the very back wall as well uh my toaster
oh no this is my uh this is my dishes it's a pile of dishes but that is a pasta strainer the pasta
strainer is the same color and then then also there is just a plastic bag.
Just a PC optimum bag filled with crap.
Yeah, the blue bag there next to it.
Oh, this one.
Yeah.
Oh, I do have a fun other thing.
I forgot what's in that bag.
Yes, yes.
Hey, guys, fellas, listen up.
So I'm starting a satirical teen magazine.
Oh, this.
How did you not?
There's too many things going on.
I don't know what's happening.
My life is a disaster.
Explain.
Explain.
OK, so I have started a satirical teen magazine with a bunch of Vancouver and Toronto comedians.
It's going to be great.
I don't know when it's coming out because I forgot that fringe takes up so much time and I was supposed
to launch it now and it just didn't happen, but it will in that bag. I have all this stuff from
our photo shoot. So I've got slap bracelets. I've got, uh, butterfly clips. I've got like
puka shell necklaces. I've got, man, know it's like a it's a 2000s y2k
what dream in there yeah so uh like a satirizing the teen magazines like ym and 17 and sassy
yeah like j14 teen vogue oh yeah j14 we copied it no we didn't copy it it's we're making fun of it what uh like those magazines
have a lot of dream dream boats in them that they uh so you're gonna have dream boats you're gonna
oh oh there are gonna be dream boats there are gonna be dream boats there there's gonna be good
boys and by dream like literal boats and literal dogs we have them them. Like it's just, it is the, it is a wild magazine.
Everyone on it is so amazing and cool.
And I'm hoping by the time this is out,
I got my shit together and at least push everything forward.
Is there a name?
Does it have a name?
It does.
It's called hot teen magazine.
Okay.
Yeah,
that's good.
What is it all at the time that you were D I assume you, this is coming from a place of love and you read these magazines.
Obsessed with them.
Yes.
Who were the boys that you love to see in these magazines?
Or also, but like, I never read these magazines.
What other content was there?
So, you know, hair tips or whatever.
I don't know.
Yeah.
So they were like okay this is gonna sound
insane when i was very young my favorite magazine was cosmopolitan which makes no sense i didn't
know what sex was and the whole magazine's basically that and beauty i was a child but
i thought that these magazines i'm like oh these are easier i could do this now
so like yes like how to talk to your crush um and never worked but uh how to dress for the first day
of school i had to wear uniforms so it did nothing for me but i don't know it was very nice it was
like a warm blanket um the advice the embarrassing stories i was like oh my god like this is so relatable i've also
shit my pants at school like stuff like that it's just they felt like my friends and i had friends
so i don't know what this obsession was but the boys i think it was because i was really horny
getting back to that sure yeah love a boy band. I love, love, love, love, love.
Anytime the Backstreet Boys were in there,
huge, like, you know when they would have the pictures of,
like, oh, Nick Carter said this.
Brian did this.
Oh, God, I lived for that.
And none of it was real.
I don't think it was real.
They were wise. It was all Backstreet Boys fan fiction.
Literally. Nick Carter said this. E equals MC squared. No, he didn't. That was real. They were wise. It was all Backstreet Boy fan fiction. Literally.
Nick Carter said this,
E equals MC squared.
No, he didn't.
That was Einstein.
Or it's his press agent,
like, yes,
we want you to know
that Nick Carter's
favorite color is blue
and he's also,
he loves Burger King
more than McDonald's.
Yeah, his blood type is B negative, but his attitude is B positive.
See, this was hard-hitting journalism to me.
That was like what I wanted to read.
And I also was like, I want to write for this magazine when I'm older.
And never did.
Never did.
So now I'm going to pick one.
It's hard to picture who is writing for
these magazines it's like well it's teens teens writing for tweens yeah like the idea of like
of 30 year old being like okay well here's what nick carter had to say fuck i hate my job
here's another embarrassing story about myself yeah guess who shit himself again at the fourth
of july picnic God damn it.
Who else did I like?
Lance Bass.
I used to love Lance Bass from NSYNC.
And any time there were posters of them in the magazines, I'd rip them out.
I hung most of them.
Who else?
I liked, oh, different TV shows like Sabrina the Teenage Witch and all those fun little.
I like knowing that Cass Scoop.
Sure.
Yeah. I love Harvey from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. witch and all those fun little i like knowing that cast scoop sure yeah i love harvey from
sabrina the teenage witch what uh why can't i why won't this boy love me like sabrina loves harvey
do you uh when you were that age do you get to go see any of these
boy bands or were they just somebody harvey live from
afar doing his acoustic set i i'm hopeful that i will see harvey soon um but back i've gone to
every single backstreet boy concert and oh shit okay yeah since i've been since i turned 10 8 8
yeah that's about right yeah that was my first concert the millennium the millennium tour and
then after that i went to every single one wow and did they still got it uh so i went i saw them
recently in vegas like 2018 20 which is i guess a million years ago but feels recent um no they
don't still got it they don't got it going on no they are losing their voices they cannot hit
these high notes that they could hit the only one who's good still is i think nick carter but like
personality wise he's like not good so there's so much and then one of them one of them um brian
the one that was supposed to be the other really good singer. Man, he's got a rough voice.
AJ.
Oh, God.
I could feel the pain in his throat when he sang.
I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Can they dance or no?
That's gone, too.
Hmm.
I can't remember if they danced or not.
You know what?
It was very subtle.
Very subtle.
They sweat a lot now, which I appreciate as someone who sweats a ton i was like oh now they're just like me but yeah yeah i've never seen in sync though
i haven't seen in sync and did you were like that you were backstreet boys gal you didn't you didn't
need in syncs yeah yeah i didn't need them showiness and have you
seen one direction or just harry styles i've seen one direction there it is and i was a i i was
fuck i was in my 20s when i went to that concert and i wore a little crop top that i made my friend
and i made these crop tops that said wants the one D like want like that.
The wants the D was huge back then.
And we were like, OK, great.
Well, they'll they'll see.
They'll see us in the 300 section of Roger Stadium.
Will the two ladies in the crop top please report to the security?
We were surrounded by kids.
They were all surrounded by kids. and we're just these two like
older drunk girls like yeah i want to fuck harry styles she wanted zane i wanted harry that's how
the friendship worked yeah um that's why graham and i are so good together because i want louis
and he wants nile i love niles these uh he's got fun fun teeth. Who's the fifth one?
His crooked smile.
Liam.
Liam.
Yes.
Liam.
I was once supposed to do a thing.
I think it was Liam.
I was once supposed to do a thing with Liam.
I can't go into any details.
Oh, this sucks.
Dave and Liam were going to kiss, and then Liam backed out.
I was working on a thing, and they needed a celebrity, and they got Liam.
And then we went to record it, and Liam got canceled in the time between when we left.
Because he released a solo album. I guess it was like that he had a song that was like
the the idea behind it was like hey be bisexual for my pleasure like that was the that was uh
it was like hey i've get off on you getting down with a lady right and then but it was here's 50
dollars make it happen but it was also like it was also something that uh no one ever noticed
it was like people got mad about it for 30 seconds and moved on yeah so i don't i think
i could have met him but he was canceled for a weekend wow wouldn't it have been cool to go over
to his house and see he probably had posters up and such so that's it yeah he had posters of all his fans yep that's how it works
they they ain't got posters of us yeah oh these two gals in the crop top are you kidding me
oh boy they want the 1d but we have five of them yeah what do we do i imagine they all sound like cartoons louis and
not louis liam got in trouble again recently because he went on the jake one of the paul
brothers jake paul uh went on their podcast and was like you know i was supposed to be the main
guy in one direction fuck harry like said all this like 1d slander 1d slander and he said
he he held one of them against the wall and was gonna punch them and everybody was like yeah man
like tell us more and everyone hated it and everyone canceled yeah well it was like yeah i
was supposed to be the main guy but everyone liked him better so I couldn't be I was supposed to be the main guy
in this podcast it doesn't work that
way
then's the breaks
yeah the
you know the Paul brothers
bring out the best to everyone
it's really the part of the circuit
you want to hit
is there any like boy band or teen dream fiction person that you would
want to see in uh in concert that hasn't but or or are you done have you collected the set
i think i've collected the set i don't care enough to see and sink i know who i am as a person and
i'm fine um but but i still have like a lot of like teen shows that I
watch like Riverdale I feel like I talk about it all the time so forgive me if I've said any of this
before but I would love love love instead of doing like going to a concert I would love to watch them
do literally anything at a comic-con I would love to see them uh running amok in vancouver because
they're terrorizing our city the riverdale kids are terrorizing our city and i want to see it
yeah is it still happening i think it's their last season they wrapped a few days ago i'm sure
but it also didn't it like take on it had like supernatural elements and things like that it got
it got weird didn't it i mean it started weird but oh yeah it it went cuckoo bananas like almost instantly every season was
different you could literally watch it like episodically and something new would come up
and they would never address anything in the past so but i love it love it. They're all these hot 26 year olds playing teens.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think I watched season one of that.
And that might be the last like network season where I watched like 20 episodes of anything in a year.
Yeah.
That might be the last time I did that.
It was, it started out, it was really, it was really sultry how it all started out.
And then it had these weird feelings about Miss Grundy that I never had before.
No, and Miss Grundy is back in this new season.
She just came back in the latest episode.
I feel like it's okay to spoil Riverdale.
If people get upset about Riverdale spoilers,
they're murderers and they shouldn't,
they should be put away.
Yeah.
Fair enough.
So listeners,
if you got upset about that,
just so you know,
you've murdered someone.
Yeah.
I don't trust you.
Stay away from me.
Yeah.
She's back.
She's back.
She's hot.
Grundy's back.
All right.
Yeah. Yeah, she's back. She's back. She's hot. Grundy's back. All right. Yes.
Now throw your Grundy in the air.
Could they hit that note when you saw them?
Or was that beyond their range?
I think they had background for that.
There were a lot of background.
Yeah, there was a lot of stuff where I'm like, you didn't just for that. There were a lot of background. Yeah.
There was a lot of stuff where I'm like,
you didn't just do that.
That sounds too clean.
That was different.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Vegas has got a way of really blinding you with their glitz and glamour that
you don't even notice who who's singing.
Yep.
It was a wonderful concert.
It was a good concert.
It was a great having it. Yeah. concert despite them not having it yeah yeah i still had
the best time i sang the entire time except for when they sang their new stuff literally everybody
it was so funny watching the entire audience sit down during their new songs it was like everyone
screaming and dancing and then sit and then people would leave to get drinks time to upload the
pictures we took through all these other ones.
And that is what we did.
The whole stadium just was like,
this is a good opportunity to take a break.
Um,
but it was so good.
It was so good.
Now you're in love.
You're engaged.
Yes.
You go to a Backstreet Boys concert.
They throw a spotlight.
One lucky,
uh,
member of the audience is going to come on stage and be saying to and be it hits you marry kevin yeah you come up on stage they propose to you as
a group okay do you accept or are you like nope i'm in love i might change my my ways or do you
finally take the leap, make it happen?
I'm going to say something crazy.
And that is I'm going to say yes, because my boyfriend knows that the Backstreet Boys are on my list, like my my celebrity list.
And he gets it.
He understands.
He's so understanding.
And so, like, whatever makes you happy, Rag, you go, you know, you want to see Timothee Chalamet.
You want to throw him on your list. Fine. That's OK he's great who's on his list he had okay uh oh who's
on his list kira knightley okay sure uh sydney sweeney that's the big one sydney sweeney she's
also on my list though so i was like okay i'll get her how long are these lists yeah there's
something like this details do the back people always take up one piece like there should be a is there no no
limit on the list um well mine doesn't his does he only has like three people on his mine is like a
whole document and some are in groups some are in groups i have one direction i have one direction
mine harry styles like is there like a technicality
where it's like oh hair only harry styles wants you uh you you wrote one direction you actually
have to you have to have all of them yeah you have to have all of them on board before this uh
you're allowed this hall pass is that what you'd call it i guess they're not i feel like
none of those will ever happen and that's why. Don't ever say ever.
Did you think you'd get married to your friend in Las Vegas or Los Angeles or whatever?
You don't know.
You don't know how crazy life can be.
That's the thing.
No, he he's very supportive.
OK.
Yeah.
Oh, that's his name.
His name is Julian.
Love my life.
Very supportive of me and my and my sexual prowess.
I don't even know what that word means.
I've never used it before.
Prowess is like ability, I think.
Dave, who's on your list?
Who do you have?
Who's on my list?
Oh, let me just look around the room here.
Clockman.
Clockman.
Vancouver Canuck.
Yeah, sure.
The McRib.
And you, Graham?
Local weatherman, Mark Madreer.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, he's on my list.
Thank you.
Well, congratulations on all of these things.
This is amazing.
This feels like a landmark episode, and it's great.
Hooray for love, is what I want to say.
Hooray for love.
Dave, what's going on with you?
Well, my man, not much.
We've been, this past weekend, I went to a park.
Graham, every summer, Graham talks about how he loves to hang out in the park.
I've been hanging out in the park.
I got my foldable chair.
I got a little cooler to bring with me.
And yeah, park hangs for days.
And so this weekend, it was Graham's wife's birthday.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday. Happy birthday.
And so I was invited to hang out in the park.
And you know what?
It was fun.
Graham was right.
Hanging out in the park is fun.
It's fun.
There's like, at that particular part, there was talk of a zip line, but I think the zip line wasn't in operation.
The zip line's left. The zip line's gone now. Okay. Okay. I don't know what happened to the zip line. particular part there was uh talk of a zipline but i think the zipline wasn't in the ziplines
left the zipline's gone now okay okay i don't know what happened to the zipline not like it's
like a kid's zipline like raquel's face was like what like what park is this
uh i don't know why that's gone they'll build a new park and then this just stuff will get
wrecked and they never fix it
yeah because too many you know it's too many drunk teens trying to zip line that thing it's just yeah
that's all well but the wires are still there hmm but it's now it's electrified
um so uh that was very fun uh we not like the kids uh make a list of what they want to do in the summer
and they have stuff like i have a picnic uh fly a kite um uh like go swimming whatever
yeah we we knocked like three things out in one night that oh yeah because um young margo had a homemade kite it was an immediately
yeah it was like before we even sat down she's like i'm flying this kite
homemade is she did it in school a school made kite yeah and i think right away my feeling was
that thing's not gonna fly yeah it wasn't windy yeah did it fly
boy did it ever immediately yeah she like got it off the ground was really tearing it up yeah she
made monkeys out of us there's no doubt about it she she blew the lid off the place but also
a week or two earlier it was the last week of school, and the kids had a park day.
Like, their teacher was like, we're going to the park down the street.
They sent a message home to the parents.
If any parents want to come, let us know.
And I was like, I don't want to go.
And then, like, the day before, there was another message being like, not enough parents have said they'll come.
We don't want to cancel this trip.
So I said, okay, I'll come.
Nice.
And then that morning I showed up and they were like, actually too many have said they'd come.
So you don't have to come.
And I was like, well, I already told my kid I would and she won't let me not come now.
Yeah.
These, these fucking mind games you're playing on me here.
But so I also hung out in a park full of kids and the highlight of that trip was, uh, we, uh, like I was just sitting on a picnic blanket and Poppy, my younger daughter came over and she was like, dad, come, I want to show you something.
Dad, I want to show you something.
And we walked over to the room.
There was a pile of branches.
And underneath the pile of branches was something furry.
And I was like, I think that's a dead rat.
Just leave it alone.
And she was like, okay.
And so she left it alone.
But throughout the day, more kids discovered it.
Until one point, there was a big circle around the dead rat. I think someone must have just put branches on it to keep kids away from it but yeah maybe yeah um and then
eventually the best part was after that died down uh this other kid kind of wandered over towards it
and and then uh all the teachers were on the other
side of the park no one was around this kid and he started taking the branches off the dead rat
like uncovering it there's always one there's always one kid oh the the teachers were screaming
their heads off rushing over to him it ruled because there was always a kid uh whenever i was a kid there's always a kid
that would take a stick and poke a dead thing or like get up too close to it there's always one kid
who was like doing the dirty work that uh that we didn't want to do but we did want to see that dead
squirrel or or whatever dead bird um do you ever have that, Raquel?
Would you stay away from a rat in a field
or would you join the crowd and be like,
oh, a rat.
I think I would go take a little peek,
but I wouldn't touch it.
I'm not brave enough.
I wish I was.
No, no one wants to touch it.
You don't want to be that brave.
Well, I'm a kid.
I think in your, well, in my head anyways,
I would think the animal would be like stiff,
but a lot of times they're not.
Okay, okay.
We're not going into this, Graham.
We're not having rigor mortis chat.
It's not roadkill chat.
It was just an interesting thing I saw at the park
about kid behavior.
We're not talking about,
we're not doing autopsies here um one thing when yeah when you guys were at the park when we were hanging out uh i saw margo off
in the distance just like climb uh a goalie like a giant goal and i was like oh yeah kids just
do that they just see a thing and they
just climb it and it's like it's nothing and it's because their bodies don't weigh anything and so
like they don't have to they get their arms don't need to be strong to lift their bodies yeah yeah
they're not lifting hundreds of pounds of flesh
oh were you a climber raquel were you an adventurous kid what was what were you up to
I was adventurous but I never climbed things my little brother used to climb up like stop signs
and stuff like he would climb up poles we would lose him but he was just like high up hanging in
like a like on a uh what's it called a street lamp um I A street lamp. I was more like, I would go on roller coasters and stuff,
but I didn't like moving my body much.
Sure, yeah.
Let the roller coaster move your body for you.
Yeah, you want me to move, then move me.
That was my motto as a kid.
What do you do for exercise?
Well, I go on a lot of roller coasters.
The elevator. sides well i go on a lot of roller coasters the elevator i mean that the like those old that old footage of like uh you know it's usually women working out with a like a band around them and
it just vibrates them working out they're just standing there while something vibrates their
body or they have like a steam box where your hand is sticking out and it's just a
box of steam and you're smoking maybe a cigar or something like that that sounds awesome it does
sound yeah old-timey equipment i think uh looks a lot it looks like fun even boxing back then they
had like a funnier stance and uh you know what i mean like now it's all kind of guarding yourself
but back then it was kind of open and yeah you made sort of a mean face at the guy that was like part of it so goofy and bring it back
let's bring it back bring back old equipment yeah bring back old boxing old boxing old boxing
medicine ball that was a big one back of the day just throwing around a big heavy medicine ball
oh sure forgot about those uh this. This is all I know.
They maybe still do.
I have no idea.
I have no idea.
I would love to go to like old, to do old timey exercise.
Those big strongman dumbbells.
Yes.
I felt like there was a lot of also like a lot of like enemas happening.
A lot of just like experimental enemas.
Crazy times.
There was a picture I saw from probably the 20s.
And it was two people that travel with the circus in their like sideshow.
And one of them was like the skinniest man in the world.
And the other one was supposed to be the fattest man in the world.
And when you looked at them, you were like, yeah, they're just two cats.
He's pretty skinny.
The guy's pretty fat, I guess.
Yeah.
But it was a picture of them like they were going to square off boxing.
You know, I was like, yeah, I guess back in the day,
that would have been crazy, like somebody that skinny.
But he was just tall.
He was just kind of lanky.
Yeah, I think we talked about like yeah
how there were like one of the sideshow people would be like a guy with a bunch of tattoos and
how now it's like i see more i see more tattoos at the beach like a bicycle shop.
Raquel, do you have any tattoos?
Are you a tattooed person? I see one on your hand.
Yes.
I have a macaroni tattooed on my hand
because I'm bad with my money.
I have a lot of silly tattoos.
What else you got?
Macaroni's funny.
I got a little flower band over here.
I got one up here
where a girl is looking in the mirror.
Very fun. I uh one here it's a
woman napping also very fun that's fun yeah these are fun i've got this might be too tight i've got
a little sexy heart with little lace with legs and stuff yeah me and my friend my best friend
got matching ones of that i've got a couple on my legs.
And my most recent one, me and my boyfriend got matching tramp stamps.
Oh, my.
How large?
Like this big.
What is it?
It's lips.
And we call, so his name is Julian.
My name is Raquel.
Since we were in college, we called it like jurak
like J-U-R-A-Q that was just our name
so we put that
in the lips
okay so you had a
but you had a little history with this person
like you had a
couple friends right?
yeah we were like best friends for 10 years
so were you like
you were best friends
but there was definitely like a horny connect that you guys ignored for so long or was it just like
all of a sudden now it exists i i guess maybe ignored it um my theory is what i'd like to
believe is he was always in love with me but he wasn't um but i was i was hooking up with somebody
else when we were in school together and you know you guys got matching tattoos you and the person you were hooking up with
no sadly that didn't work out ah shit ah shit uh yeah no no no that would have been a disaster
um yeah yeah uh yeah yeah you guys got tats? No. You guys doing tats? No, tat free.
Yeah.
Wow.
Okay.
Okay.
Just as God made me.
Yeah.
We also actually think that they're sinful.
So we totally set you up there.
Uh-oh.
Arrest me.
Graham, what's going on with you, my friend?
Well, here's the thing that uh i feel like is happening now and will just be happening more and more in my life going forward until i die
is uh realizing that my frames of references are old yeah and uh this i had an example of this at a christmas party that i was at there was a woman
who i did a set at this christmas party and she said how long you've been doing stand up i said
oh quite a while long enough to have had a myspace page dedicated to it and with all earnestness she
said what is myspace and so I was like, oh, man.
This is the beginning of the end.
Yeah.
So that was kind of the first strike of it.
This past week was a big.
This one was a whammy. I was at a laugh gallery show that I host at Little Mountain Gallery.
Tell people when that is.
The next one's July 22nd.
Have we already passed that date of when this out yeah but um one of the things that uh that i
do on the show is everybody gets a trivial pursuit card and a ticket and then they have to ask me a
trivial pursuit question and if i get it right they win the prize and one of the one of the gals that was in the audience i told them like i'm not good at
geography and she said uh entertainment i said okay she said i can't remember the name of the
movie but she was like who is the lead in i think it was like mutiny on the bounty or something like
that and i was like uh i don't know i give up and then she read
the name she's so confused she's like marlon brando and i was like oh shit oh man marlon
brando no i was like do you really not know who that is and she was like no i've never heard of
him before in our lifetime he was uh like you know just making
cameos and things that's true yes he was like so i i get that but also it's all like there
before the internet people there were like 10 famous people at a time yeah that's right yeah
and uh and we we all we all knew all the same famous people and,
uh,
they would all have their like picture on the wall at fricking planet
Hollywood.
Well,
and that's the thing,
right?
Like I have maybe seen a couple of movies with Clark Gable in them,
but even if I had,
I'd know who Clark Gable,
Clark gobbledy gobbledy.
Oh my God. in them but even if i hadn't i'd know who clark gable clark gobley like gobley oh my god but marlon brando that was man that one threw me for a loop so i'm like oh i uh yeah i all but i always hated that when when an older person was like you don't know the wonder woman tv
show i know and that's what i felt like i don't want
to be that person but it felt like i don't know something elemental about it maybe it was like
very much like get out of the way old man yeah i may be six years old but you're a freaking fossil
dude i don't even know who the Paul brothers are.
That's how young I am.
I know who they are, I just can't differentiate
them.
But yeah, so that's
happened and it's just
going to happen more and more and more.
It is totally going to happen. One day people will be
like,
you know,
who's the lead in freaking oceans 13 yeah exactly that's the most modern movie i can think of
like would a kid not a kid but say if you ask the teenager would a teenager know who george clooney
is no my bet is that they wouldn't they would be like oh yeah because they don't even watch
nespresso commercials exactly they don't and and also like uh i think i watched
it was a youtube video and they were playing stuff from the 90s to these kids and one of the
kids goes oh yeah i know this i know this uh i know these songs my dad
listens to them in the in the garage in the grave
instead of flowers we bring a little headset yeah
oh that you want to feel old this dead guy listens to music from the 90s
Want to feel old?
This dead guy listens to music from the 90s.
Who do you think is the most famous person that no teenagers know?
You know who I bet a lot of teenagers wouldn't know,
but is so famous to us is Jack Nicholson.
I bet there's teenagers that have never heard of Jack Nicholson,
don't know who he is, don't know what he's been in.
But like,
we think that would be impossible to not know Jack Nicholson,
but they think it's impossible for us to know,
not know,
you know what the lead of Riverdale's name is.
KJ Apa.
KJ Apa.
Nice. Famously.
Yeah.
Um,
there is a song on the radio.
I think it's by a Canadian singer.
Well,
the singer's name is Rev,
like a dream,
I believe.
Uh,
I think she's Canadian.
And the song,
it mentions a bunch of like iconic people.
Yeah.
And I'm going to sing it for you.
And here it goes.
I want to dance like Michael and sing like Whitney and fuck like Marilyn Monroe.
I thought it was going to be Marilyn Manson.
I was like,
I'm going to keep going.
I'm going to keep going.
Don't fuck like him.
Oh,
I want to,
I want to smoke like Marley and love like Lucy and dress like Jackie.
Oh,
so many.
Love like Lucy.
Yeah.
That is broad.
It is a very broad.
It's like the weirdest,
uh,
boulevard of broken dreams with like Bob Marley,
Whitney Houston,
hanging out with the coffee shop.
Lucille bra.
Lucille bra.
Lucille ball. But, uh, but like who people wouldn't know what what would be the most recent lucy i want to say lucy
lou but there must be another lucy that people would be like uh yeah lucy the the character
played by uh scarlett johansson there she's like a jason bourne kind of thing i think she would
yeah the uh but like i knew stuff that wasn't from my era when i was younger like but that's
because there wasn't as much stuff that's true there's more there's more uh yeah And like more people would coast by on like quoting Marlon Brando for
decades.
He couldn't refute.
I would have been a contender.
It just feels so impossible to not know him.
And that impression,
you know what I mean?
It just feels crazy.
That feels insane.
Sorry.
I completely interrupted.
No,
it's I'm shocked.
Totally.
Like,
you know,
there's like, there's just like uh when they brought michael keaton back to play batman i was like is that for us because
kids don't give a shit about but i want to go back to my song why do they want to fuck like
marilyn monroe is she the most famous fucking person well that's why i said when you're singing
it i thought marilyn manson that guy fucks you know but then also like uh dress like jackie o what person wants to get high all day and then wear
like a pillbox blood spattered chanel suit oh it's crazy on tiktok are you guys on TikTok? No. Sort of. Yeah. All these, these young little Gen Z's.
Gen Z's.
Will take one tiny thing from like these celebrities and just like,
like they love Jackie O.
They think she's like a,
an icon,
a fashion icon.
And they'll be like,
oh,
here's my Jackie O inspired looks.
And I'm like,
okay,
go.
Okay.
All right.
Or they'll do stuff. Get ready me get ready with me to look like jackie o that's the maryland thing's insane that's wild and love
like lucy i mean you haven't even seen that tv show probably and she's she's the one getting
loved and there was multiple songs like not that long ago like maybe five or six years ago the
reference michelle pfeiffer i feel like there was a lot of michelle pfeiffer shout outs and
that's another one that kids would you know would they like her work in scarface or yeah
she's the original cat woman i guess in the movies well not the original oh yeah julie
newmar yeah sure some old guy would slap you across the face and be like you're an eartha
kit you're an eartha kit uh anyways everybody uh tried to pick up some fresh references and
if you don't know marlon brando is is out there, I can't help you.
I could go to IMDb and start from there, I suppose.
Give me just what is the name of a modern teen magazine?
J14 still exists.
J14 magazine.
I'm going to find some covers and you tell me if you know who these people are Graham
a gag that my mom does every Christmas is gets us
all some
J14 and
those type of magazines and we all have fun
reading you know what
Jojo's up to and stuff like that
yeah you know what
these are all the same people
on every cover and they're very famous
you know you certainly know
who taylor swift is i've heard taylor swift yeah and you know who zendaya is and of course
jenna ortega these are all the greats is there an olivia rodrigo there did you hear the new
olivia rodrigo song graham yes i did she's great she's great she's a reference i i i happily understand and know and
have committed to memory um do you raquel do you have like a like one somebody who's like right now
in the minute that uh you have in your brain that you know a name of because i don't so of like young young teen actors yeah yeah god uh i can't even
i guess jenna ortega and uh olivia rodrigo are the two that really come to mind yeah but there
are people on tiktok that i don't know i people are like oh fan cam of this character. I'm like, I don't know what show this is.
Also, what is fan cam?
I think if I'm not mistaken, a fan cam is like a compilation of different clips of this, like of a celebrity.
Okay.
Okay.
So just a bunch of like a dedication or whatever to them.
But I don't know any of them.
I'm like, I've never seen this person in my life ever.
to them but i don't know any of them i'm like i've never seen this person in my life ever yeah zach efron was like my favorite back in the day but now he's like not even close to this no and
that's the thing is i like uh maybe last year saw the lineup of people that were going to be on the
mtv video awards and i think i knew two people and and it was like this person doing a duet with
this person can you believe it?
No, because I don't know who they are.
I don't know them.
Chaos.
Chaos. Yeah, guys, it's not.
You know what?
It's not our world anymore.
It's not for us.
If you can't lend a hand, out of the road.
I just want to, you know, dance like Michael and sing like Whitney.
Fuck like Marilyn Monroe.
Who would you say outside of Marilyn Monroe?
Like, who's the most famous fuck machine?
Oh, yeah.
Who are the world's...
John Stamos, for sure.
He's in the running.
Oh, that guy fucks.
I want to fuck like Stamos.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Who...
Like a porn star.
Yeah, like a porn star.
Unfortunately, it's going to have to like a porn star? Yeah. Unfortunately,
it's going to have to be a porn star.
Like one of my favorite porn stars,
Rebecca,
the fucker.
I want to fuck like Rebecca.
That's beautiful.
That is really nice.
That is really nice.
Yeah.
If I was going to invent a new porn star.
Oh, Lordy.
Should we...
What do you say we head over to some business or overheard?
Yeah, let's do business.
Sure, business.
Well, that sound there, you know it.
It's time for a little bit of business.
And the favorite, the kind of business Dave and I like to trade in, Jumbotrons.
Yep.
This one is a message for John from Anna, or Anna, and I'll go ahead and read it.
Anna, we're not sure if it's Anna or Anna, but.
Single N.
Single N on this one.
Could go either way.
John, my forever boyfriend and surprise husband happy birthday first of all
never surprise anyone with that don't sneak up on someone and be like we're married yeah jump
out from behind a door i do uh for your 40th birthday i didn't get you a gift because we
had just gotten married and i was too tired for your 41st well get used to it buddy that's gonna i'm
too tired eh yeah headache again huh all right for your 41st birthday i'm getting you this message
because you introduced me to spy and brought so much laughter and silliness into my life
i love you and i like you anna or Anna. And also, we're not silly.
We're two men.
We're two serious men.
Did they say we're silly?
Well, no, we have silliness, but I guess.
Yeah, I guess I'm a serious man who doubt, like,
no, you know what?
I'm just serious.
You're right.
Yeah, you're just serious.
I mean, silly things happen around us, sure,
but that's just life, you know?
We're serious people. Like, unlike the kids from Succession.
We are serious.
Yeah, and we're serious people unlike the first half of Yahoo! Serious' name.
Well, should we get back to the old show-erino?
Absolutely.
I'm Jordan Morris.
And I'm Jesse Thorne.
On Jordan, Jesse Go,
we make pure, delightful nonsense.
We rope in awesome guests
and bring them down to our level.
We get stupid with Judy Greer.
My friend Molly and I call it
having the space weirds.
Patton Oswalt.
Can I get a Balrog burger
and some Aragorn fries?
Thank you.
And Kumail Nanjiani.
I've come back with cat toothbrushes,
which is impossible to use.
Come get stupider with us at MaximumFun.org.
Look, your podcast app's already open.
Just pull it out.
Give Jordan Jesse Go a try.
Being smart is hard.
Be dumb instead.
Oh, Russ.
Hey, hey.
Oh, I'm glad I found you in line.
These clouds are really freaking me out.
I hate having to stand in line.
And boy, what a line.
These giraffes do not smell good.
No, they do not.
And they have such short necks.
But I'm hearing we need to get on this ark.
We've got to get on the ark.
It is about to rain.
God is about to destroy humanity.
Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Are you Noah?
Yeah, I know we look like humans, but we're actually, we're podcasters.
We are podcasters, so it's different.
Have you heard of Oh No Ross and Carrie? We we investigate spirituality claims of the paranormal stuff like that and you
have a boat and say the world's gonna end so seem like something for us to check out we would love
to be on the boat we came two by two what do you think oh no ross and carrie available on maximum org overheard overheards where uh boy oh boy it's a wide world out there a lot of people saying all
sorts of stuff and if you hear something that's like a little nugget of gold we want to hear it
too and uh we always like to start with the guest raquelquel, do you have an overheard? I do.
Thank you so much for asking.
Hey, my pleasure.
So, God, I love it.
So yesterday, like I mentioned, I'm part of the Fringe Festival that's happening before this comes out in Toronto.
And yesterday they did this like really small, weird fringe parade where, you know, you show your posters to people and you hang stuff up.
I wasn't part of it.
I refuse to be a part of it. But me and my sketch comedy partner got stuck in the parade.
Like we got stuck behind them when we were trying to get somewhere else.
Ah, shit.
And I heard.
So just like picture this parade of like, you know, like theater, like intense theater nerds.
Like they're wearing cardboard top hats.
They're wearing capes.
They're like holding up big posters of their show.
They're screaming about their shows.
Sarah and I are like this.
but there were these two guys,
two very hot tattooed, like head to toe tattooed,
very cool looking dudes that were smoking out front of a vape shop.
Like I'm assuming they work there or either way.
They were cool.
I'm like,
they either vape or they work with the vapes and I love them.
But some,
one of the really intense theater people was like,
come to my show.
Here's a card.
And very,
very kindly.
He was like,
Oh,
Oh,
I already have one.
Someone else gave me one.
She goes,
it's a different show.
You're going to love it.
Blah,
blah,
blah.
So intense walks away.
The guy looks over at his friend.
So vulnerable.
And so like,
genuinely was like,
I don't know what I'm supposed to do with these. i don't know what i'm supposed to do with
these i don't know what i'm supposed to do what do i do do i keep them i don't want to keep them
yeah how long do i have to hold this for yeah and his friend was like i don't know man it'd be weird
to throw it away while they're still in front of us and it was just so like oh it was so sad and so
funny to me just i don't know what to like i hope like is he
holding on to them are they in his back pocket is he gonna find them in the wash one day yeah yeah
he had no idea genuinely had no idea what to do with these theater cards do you know what would
be a good thing because everybody uses handbills at the uh at the french festival what if you had like whatever the logo from your
show was as a temporary tattoo and you handed out those i bet you that go over i think that would go
over pretty big if you're giving out temporary tattoos that is the best idea i've heard in years
well it's yours to use oh that's kind yeahoting a show is almost as humiliating as doing one.
Yes.
Trying to get people.
Hey, stranger who knows nothing about anything.
The only thing I know about you is you love vaping.
I think I've told on this show before where I talked to a guy who was hand billing and he was like I said where where is your show
and he's like right here and I was like oh yeah
well maybe I'll come check it out and he goes
it's starting in 10 minutes and I was like oh
okay and he's like
I'll put you on the guest list and I was like alright
sure and then I went and sat
down the only seat available is in the
front row he comes out
on stage you actually did it
yes maybe I'll maybe i'll come see your show
yeah in 10 minutes well that's that's your it's your exit
he uh he starts out uh and he puts a puppet on his hand and i was like oh god here we go
uh and it's a story between him and this puppet and then after a few lines of dialogue he starts
singing it's a musical it's a musical about a puppet and then after a few lines of dialogue he starts singing it's a musical it's
a musical about a puppet and him falling in love and i couldn't leave i was in the front row there
was nowhere to go you can get up and leave was it bad yes yeah it tracks i just needed to hear it
i needed to hear it yes it was the hear it. Yes, it was the worst.
Good story, though.
Good story.
Fun story.
Yeah.
And at least it was long.
Yeah.
Exactly.
It ran the full hour.
No.
Dave, do you have an overheard?
Mine was said to me by my children, and it was uh they're not usually this way okay but they um they
absolutely burned my ass oh shit so uh we were driving to my parents to have dinner uh one sunday
night and we turned i was changing radio stations and they were playing of all things, the log drivers waltz.
Oh,
from,
from a Canadian,
uh,
cartoon thing.
Yeah.
So,
uh,
Raquel's face indicates that she's like,
who's Marlon Brando.
Yeah.
I'm so young.
So the log drivers waltz was a song sung by Kate and Anna McGarrigle.
Oh, I didn't know who sang it okay rufus wayne writes
mother and aunt and uh it's a song it's there was a cartoon that the national film board put out of
this guy like he's a log driver the logs are going down the river and he's dancing on them
and it goes for he goes burling down
and down the white water
that's where the log driver learns
to step lightly
and it comes on the radio and I crank it
because this is not a song that plays
on the radio. No. I'm used
to hearing Whitney by Rev
and I crank the song and Abby and I are like rocking out in the front seat to this
folk song and the kids start heckling from the back seat
and they say this sounds like it's from a fairy tale
burn this sounds like it's from church
and then one of them says
is this from when there were castles
oh
wow
who is Marlon Brando
in your own car
absolutely got eviscerated for my love of,
uh,
Canadiana.
Oh,
don't tell me kids are not going to know that as they grow up.
I know it's like,
cause kids don't watch regular TV anymore.
No,
it's a punishment for them to watch.
And so they don't get to see the,
like,
uh,
a show on like public TV that didn't go the full half hour and it needs like three minutes of
a cartoon to fill at the end.
Kids aren't going to know about the hockey sweater.
Oh yeah.
Do you know the hockey sweater, Raquel?
I do know the hockey sweater. I read the
book and we watched it.
Nice. Yeah.
Yeah, I worry about that.
I worry about these
cornerstones of our culture. It's, um, yeah, I worry about that. I worry about these, uh, these,
these cornerstones of our culture that the,
uh,
cause we,
what's their fucking log drivers waltz.
What do they think is so shit hot?
They're listening to mama Yama.
Is it something like that?
What do they think?
So cool.
Mama Yama is also on public television.
I know.
And not anymore. I don't think
no she's hung it up I guess
yeah what is the
yeah kids are like
their equivalent would be like
um boy there's this
Johnny Johnny Yes Papa song
oh oh it's bad
no it slaps
what it scares I just don't get it Yes, Papa song. Oh, it's bad. No, it slaps.
What?
It scares.
I just don't get it.
Maybe I don't get it.
I'll re-listen.
No.
Yeah.
I recommend you re-listen.
My kids are too old for that anyway. But when we would put on a YouTube video for them to watch, they got into these.
There's like a million variations on it
graham it's it's this thing that's like a back and forth with a kid and his father
johnny johnny yes papa oh is this in uh is this in like um maybe in like from india or something
like that yeah yes i have seen this yes yeah i know this eating sweets no papa
telling lies no papa open your mouth and the kid's supposed to show if he's eating candy or not
fun game fun game and most of the time he is i don't i but then there's like you know lullaby
versions no one really knows the true origin of this thing.
I've heard too many versions of that song.
Do you have children?
I do not, but I have a niece.
And one of my brothers is like 10 years younger than me.
So like I saw him be a baby.
And I think that's when things started to go downhill, might I about our about this generation yeah like this shit he was
listening to was so different than what we listened to um but but no my niece watches
coco melon yeah coco melon yeah coco melon and and yeah i didn't even have anything else to add
to that but uh and dave what is it called dave and ava but they have
they sing different versions of nursery rhymes and they'll change the words like
there was one song that they changed to ice cream flavors instead of numbers i can't even remember
which one it was or spaghetti and chocolate is another thing that oh yeah that's weird it's
reassuring to know that no matter what the generation,
you can just throw a couple of fucking words together and it's a kid's song.
Spaghetti and chocolate.
There's a kid's song.
Easy peasy.
Anyway, so that's it.
I don't know what's up.
What's the matter with kids today?
I don't know, man.
But at least they're getting their driver's licenses. Okay, Graham, what's up matter with kids today I don't know man but at least they're getting their driver's licenses
okay Graham what's up with you
now if you're a member
of Maximum Fun and you listen to the bonus
episodes you may know that
one of my favorite things when we're talking about
hot topics of the day
is reading a thing where I
don't know anything in the sentence
like a headline and this is sort
of relates back to our talk of modern day celebrities yeah so this all dovetails i don't
know if i've done this one on the bonus episode but is it about kelsey ballerini no it's not about
kelsey ballerini this is the whole it's like a whole chunk here of things that i don't know what they are so is it about joe trump or whatever no no joe trump
it says uh i'm celebs i'm a celebs so i don't know what that is already i think it's i'm a
celebrity get me out of here is that i'm yeah i'm assuming i'm a celebs charlene stokes feud rumors
with co-star swipe in first look at show special so already i'm not sure what is occurring uh maybe a swipe
somebody has swiped somebody maybe someone i think someone is named swipe name swipe okay
and then it says uh the i'm a celebrity get me out of here coming out show will follow each
celebrity after they were voted out in an itv one special with hosts ant mclin and Declan Donnelly. Now, we've definitely heard that name before.
We've heard Ant McPartlin.
Like, well, you know, we're running low on overheard,
so I had to go deep into the vault.
Yeah, that is...
Ant McPartlin.
They've got their own star system over there.
They do.
That's the other thing.
Raquel, have you ever been over to England
and seen like there's
a whole universe of people
you've never heard of before?
No.
No, no, no, never.
If you go,
you'll...
That scares me.
You'll turn on the TV
and it'll be like,
this guy,
such and such.
You're like,
who is this guy?
He's the most famous comedian
in all of Britain.
Somebody like...
Okay.
Yeah.
You'll be...
Should you go,
you'll be pleasantly surprised? No. Not pleasantly. You'll be you'll should you go you'll be uh pleasantly surprised no
not pleasantly you'll be confused yeah because they know some american you know references but
they have their own you know all their own stuff over there that they don't share with the rest of
the world you know my god my god yeah different different place different place like uh you know sometimes one of them uh one
of their stars will come over here and try to make it like uh daniel sloss i feel like he's a guy who
came over here trying to be gigantic on the sides of buses this guy so big wow yeah i know
aunt mcparlin you know and Ant McParlin will do it.
Certainly Robbie Williams had some success.
It's true.
He made it across the pond.
He's the only one I know.
I know.
And you know what?
Kids don't know who the fuck he is.
Yeah.
No.
Kids might know because Kylie Minogue has a song on the charts.
There may be some chance that they would actually know who Kylie Minogue is. I have shown my kids some Kylie Minogue has a song on the charts. They might, there may be some chance that they would actually know who Kylie Minogue is,
but I have shown my kids some Kylie Minogue videos.
Yeah.
And they,
they're like,
this is good or dead.
My kids will go,
but they like Britney Spears.
So I'll be like,
this is from that era.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She was certainly older,
but this came out around the same time.
Um, now we also have overheard sent in by people all over the world.
If you want to send one in, send it in to spy at maximumfund.org.
And his first one comes from Dana.
And this is one of the things where sometimes you're trying to say two separate things and then mash together.
And it doesn't sound like either of the things.
So this is her. I had a lot of
clothes to donate to our local thrift store.
I needed my husband's help to walk it over.
It was a hot day and I was grateful for
his help, so I started to say, hey,
thanks for coming with me. And also, thanks
for coming on an adventure. But what I ended up
saying to my husband was, hey, thanks for
coming on me. Which is great.
Yes. Yeah, great. Yes.
Yeah, exactly.
Good for her.
10 out of 10.
No notes.
Excellent.
That is one of the best methods.
Thanks for coming on me.
Good for her.
Just leave a little note on the dresser.
Hey.
That was pretty great.
Was this for me or what?
This next one comes from Andrew C. from Vancouver.
I was at a Vancouver Canadiens game,
and the woman behind me said to her friend,
that guy throws the ball, and that guy tries to hit it.
I know the basics.
Those are the two things you need.
Also, you need a guy that he's going to try and catch it.
That's the third. And you do not want a belly itcher you want a belly itcher in the seventh inning you want to
stand up stretch those legs uh sing the song sing the song get some uh cracker jacks do they still
sell cracker jacks even as a nod to the past i think probably I mean, the little box with the, the sailor kid and the dog.
Yeah.
Would you ever eat a crackerjack outside of a baseball?
What is it?
It's caramel corn with peanuts.
Peanuts in it.
Yeah.
I would.
If it were like,
if it were in a bowl at like a holiday party or something,
you'd have some crackerjacks.
Why not?
Although who would do that? Like in this day and age of of nut allergies aren't people just let's just put out some caramel
corn yeah yeah exactly everybody likes caramel corn except the one wiener at the party's like
i've got a care caramel out
fuck yeah what do you even think caramel is it's sugar that's been browned i can't have it i can have
sugar but i can't have brown sugar i can have brown sugar but i can't have brown to white sugar
oh anyway uh this last one see my fringe show.
This last one comes from Julie from Woodbridge, Virginia.
My husband was passing by our kid's room when he heard one say to the other,
Oh, yeah, I've seen a ghost with that hairstyle before.
What do we think?
What do we think? What's the ghost hairstyle?
Is it like a swirl on top of the ghost
and that's like it i'm picturing a uh girl ghost so like braids right oh sure okay like um
like i'm picturing a casper with some sort of hair on it casper's bald though yeah casper's bald
what are you thinking full like updo oh i'm going to updo do you think like a school
marm like that kind of or like a b-52 uh school like a marie antoinette situation
like dirty updo that hasn't ever been washed oh man can you imagine how much her hair must have
stunk oh my god although her hair
was probably the best smelling of all in all the world at that time so imagine yeah
who do you think has the best smelling hair at the moment celebrity wise or in general anyone
in the world okay i'm gonna say it not not a super current celebrity but I've always thought she probably smells excellent
is Gwen Stefani
I think Gwen Stefani
probably has some really nice smelling hair
yeah
what do you think guys?
Oprah
keeps it clean
her hair products probably smell beautiful
someone brought up John Stamos earlier.
I think John Stamos would smell, that's always been my thing with him.
I'm like, I bet he smells amazing.
I bet he does, yeah.
He knows how to do his hair.
I love it.
Yeah.
And also, he'd be a guy that would have notes of things,
a little bit of leather and a little bit of tobacco. You're like is that yeah oh it's just a thing i put in my hair it's
like you could do a full like wine tasting with his hair with his head oh yeah that'd be nice
breathe in my yeah i'm a sommelier for for john stamos's hair I feel like this was grown in the south side of
Tuscany.
His head.
In addition to overhears that are written in,
we also accept your phone calls.
If you want to call us, our phone number is
1-844-779-7631.
That's one.
Like these people have.
Hey Dave, Graham, probable guest.
This is Joyce from Brooklyn.
I
spent a day at the beach
and I have two overheards
from down at the
beach that's inside
New York City.
For context,
this area is visited by
everybody. It's a great beach.
But the people who live near here tend to be older, white, retired police officers and firefighters.
And they have a very insular community here.
And I saw two guys, the first I overheard, as I was walking past the Starbucks.
And I saw two guys who looked like they had recently retired, you know, like just that age, standing out there at like 8.30 in the morning,
looking really aimless.
And one of them turns to the other and goes,
Oh, it's the Civil War. Do you like the Civil War?
I assume they were talking about like history they could research or whatever to entertain themselves.
And then when I was walking out of the beach to my car,
I passed two other older guys
who were heading onto the beach
and one of them says,
I should take a whiz now
because I can't take a whiz
in the water for some reason.
No freaking way.
Yeah, man. You can,
but I appreciate you not.
You know?
I mean, it's the ocean, though. Come though come on yeah but you know what i mean like we don't we don't all have to be part of the problem
if you can hold it and go in a mini ocean that's what i call a toilet
what do you think whales are doing in there graham you think whales are holding it
you're probably right isn't the ocean
just like okay this is forgive me for being crass but isn't the ocean just like whale cum
i feel like i read that somewhere yeah is that what ambergris is is that uh
the whale semen is ambergris no oh i don't like that what is ambergris isn't it whales no boy what is whale cum whale come to the jungle over here um let's see ambergris
uh it's like well it's probably what uh john stamos smells like there's no way he smells
better than ambergris um uh it's uh it's a waxy stub substance that originates from the digestive system
of sperm whales but they all they're digesting all that sperm yeah exactly and that's you know
they're the uh mick jagger of the sea anyway i want a sperm like mick jagger
yes um i also like the guys who are like do you like the civil war i like the civil war
yeah trying to make friends uh yeah wild i have a friend who went down to
washington and watched a civil war reenactment it's like a thing that you can do as a tourist
they have bleachers and uh full like costumes and sound and explosions
and that's just the thing you can that's something you can look forward to raquel when you move to
the states yeah yeah every on every corner yes fuck yeah yeah can't wait hell yeah here's your
next phone call hey david graham this is greg calling in with an over. You guys were talking about hockey a couple weeks ago.
It reminded me of something I saw years ago.
There was two little kids playing across the street from one of their houses,
sort of when you're in elementary school, with a little chain link fence.
And the one kid was bragging to the other about how flexible and strong his new hockey stick was.
And he stuck one end of it in the chain like this and the other end was resting up and down
as he was bragging to his friend.
He was probably like, I don't know, 10, 12 years old.
He kind of like was standing on the stick and jumping up and down
and showing how flexible it was and how indestructible it was.
And then it immediately broke.
And he was so shocked and scared and embarrassed that he held it in his hand and sent his friend home
and then just stood there looking at it, kind of holding it in his hands as I walked by, super destroyed.
Difficult conversation with Dad that night.
Oh my God, can you imagine anyways you just bought your progeny
a a fantastic brand new hockey stick unbreakable unbreakable they've broken it within one day
oh i'd run away from home i would i wouldn't go home at all and i've seen kids try to break
their hockey sticks because they're so flexible now yeah it's like you can totally lean on them
and it's uh not this kid you know what a lot of them come with a one month warranty
okay okay that's good so keep the receipt um but yeah, I also like that he said he sent his friend home and just looked at the stick.
No, you go ahead.
I need to.
I want to be alone.
Yeah.
Poor little kid.
And your final phone call.
Hi, Dave Graham and delightful guests.
This is Matt from New Hampshire calling in with an overheard.
I was on a walk with my baby
through a cemetery near my
house. We were
walking by a family that was
visiting a gravestone
relative, perhaps.
And we just heard
a young boy, probably seven or eight,
we just heard him say,
wait a minute, you're telling me there's a
skeleton under this thing thanks about the show shit they tell you exactly where the skeletons
are that's amazing that's awesome oh man uh do you think whenever obviously whenever our epoch
of time is up as a species do you think people
will find is that who they'll find is the people buried in graveyards who will they be our fossil
samples because they're already far down or i don't know you know what i mean what what do you
who's gonna find us the next whoever the next uh great species the apes the other guys yeah the new guys yeah yeah i think
there's like you know dinosaurs didn't really like have a lot of artifacts they were kind of
hard to dig up oh i don't know man the thing they'll be like you know uh thousands of years
of uh plastic so that will outlive us. Yes, that's true.
I hope that our thousands and thousands of years
of plastic becomes a fuel for them.
Yes.
The pressure makes it so that they can have a fuel.
That'll be our greatest gift
to the next generation.
Whoever digs me up, not my problem.
No.
Well, that brings us to the end of the podcast.
Raquel, thank you so much for being our guest.
Oh, my God.
Thank you for having me.
What an honor and a pleasure and a dream.
And congratulations on all your exciting things, your friend show and your engagement and your trip to Italy.
My God.
This is you're living the life.
It's great to hear.
Thank you so much. I'm very
much looking forward to all of it.
Yeah. No kidding.
The television show that you
are a voice on, The Dragon Prince,
starts on
July 27, which is in a couple
of days. Nice.
Season 5. It'll be great. And yeah, thank you again for being of days. Nice. Season five.
It'll be great.
And yeah, thank you again for being our guest. Thank you, everybody out there for listening to the show.
I want you to take a long moment to decide and to think how you want your skeleton to be presented to the next generation.
And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.
Maximum Fun.
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