Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 826 - An-Te Chu

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

Comedian An-Te Chu joins us to talk library DVDs, puzzles, and world records.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 826 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, even though it's the middle of the month for you, is a man that I can't wait to reign the new year with, Mr. Dave Shumkin. Yeah, well of course it's holiday times and so we pre-tape as much as we can.

And Graham, do you have, we're recording this episode after Christmas, pre-New Year. Is that a new hoodie? Yeah. I can tell it has a newness to it. A crispness. Sort of a merry crispness. For the middle of January. Yeah.

I believe this is right around Blue Monday that made up Sad Holiday. Yeah, it was the short, no, longest day of the year, darkest day of the year. It's pseudoscience that it's like the saddest day of the year because it's a Monday. Yeah, everybody hates it. Your Christmas bills have piled up. Your Christmas excitement has gone away. It's dark. You've got three months before spring.

Mile two. And, time to book a vacation. I need a vacation. Gotta get away. That's one of my all-time favorite lines from Terminator 2

is when the Arnold Schwarzenegger's all blasted up and he just says, I need a vacation. Really? Yeah. I only saw that once.

To me, it's such a funny line in the middle of the biggest action scene. This guy was like, oh boy. I need a vacation from my vacation. Our guest today, brand new guest here to the podcast, very funny man.

We're also glad to have him. It's Ant and Chew, everybody. Hello. Hello. I was told Ante when he came in. What do you prefer? What did I say? I said Ante. Well, Graham,

the person who's known me longer is wrong, actually. Sorry, Ante. My apologies. Anta? Ante. Ante. Ante.

Man, I blew that all completely. Ante. Ante. Ante. Ante. Ante. Ante. There we go.

Did I get it right this time? Yes. 100%. Oh, good. Two thumbs up. Excellent. Good work, Graham Did I get it right this time? Yes. I also approve. Oh, good. Two thumbs up. Excellent. Good work.

I only met you this morning, so it's fresh on my mind. Graham, Graham, after he knows you for a while, I've noticed he kind of phones it in. He's only into shiny new friends. Yeah,

it's true. It's a, did you ever have a friend like that? Who is like, so like, uh, outgoing and and uh like likes meeting new people and it kind of sucks yeah i had a friend years ago that was uh like a people magnet so you could if you went to a bar or something you could only talk to them for about 15 20 minutes before people just gravitated towards her so her yeah i understand but you know who else was like that john door everywhere john door went people are like oh john door you say that in the past tense like he's lost it i don't know he's in

alaskan i don't know uh i haven't i haven't been to a bar with him yeah yeah but uh yeah those those uh friends are uh tough tough to keep like uh oh what's the movie the fabulous mr rupert no wow i think it's a fabulous mr rupert it's about this old guy who goes to an old timey bar and everyone's drawn to him oh i think the fabulous mr rupert just came here what do you describe this movie uh talented miss ripley and everybody loves which you lost character and then he's like he's he's friends with you for a while and then he moves on to the next friendship and he was a jazz uh trumpeter

now he wants to be a drummer on and on on take pipe down uh we're talking about the fabulous

Mr. Rupert uh have you seen the talent of Mr. Ripper I have no idea what this is oh really

it's a Matt Damon it's a Matt Damon flick yeah and it takes place in the I have no idea what this is. Oh, really? It's a Matt Damon feature. It's a Matt Damon flick, yeah. And it takes place in the 50s? 50s, 60s. And Matt Damon is a, surprisingly, once again, a poor student that... Oh, weird.

Yeah, he rises above his class by impersonating a rich person. Okay. And he just keeps going, but it's one of those things where you're like, while he does a bad thing, they have to do a bad thing to cover that bad thing. On and on and on. It keeps getting worse and worse. But the clothes. Oh, the clothes.

Oh, yeah. Because they're in Italy, and everybody's dressed in these beautiful 1950s, 60s outfits. So it's a little like Catch Me If You Can. It is. It is like Catch Me If You Can, but with murder. Yeah. Catch Me If You Can doesn't murder anyone, does it? He just lies.

He just lies and takes on... You know what? He makes the establishment look like a fool because he can just take on a new persona. Do you remember the end of that movie? I do not. I retain very little of everything I consume. Wow, what's that like?

Because I can't remember the name of the talented Mr. Ripley, so I wouldn't know anything about that. In the end, it doesn't even matter, to quote Linkin Park. But Frank Abagnale played by the last time Leonardo DiCaprio looked like a little boy. Yeah, that's true.

He couldn't play little boys anymore after that. At the end, there's like the words come on the screen that like he's been a liar his whole life and forged stuff. And at the end, it comes up that he then went straight. And now he works with the FBI, helping them catch foragers. Which apparently was another lie. Was it really? Yeah. Oh, I love it.

Oh, man. I didn't know that was true. I thought that was true at the end. Yeah, I know. I totally fell for it. What a nice piece of filmmaking. Should we get to know it? Let's for it. What a nice piece of filmmaking. Should we get to know us? Let's do it.

Get to know us. Ante. Ante. First time here on the show. Yes. You, you're a comedian and just came back. You went, you went away for a chunk of time. You just, and was it spontaneous that you're like, I'm going to go somewhere else.

a chunk of time. And was it spontaneous that you're like, I'm going to go somewhere else? I can't remember if this was all plotted out or you went over to the English Isles. It was not planned out at all. So what had happened was I was doing teaching school online. And so in January every year for the UBC teaching program, they have a job fair. And that year the job fair was on Zoom. And there were about three employers who came to the job fair.

Oh, man. They probably popped too much popcorn. Was this like peak pandemic Zoom times? Yes. Okay. And then one of the people who came was this British school. And they were very much like we're innovative we bring in

canadian teachers because they have a different perspective and they they interviewed me for a job that i didn't get and uh originally i was a little sad because they're like this is the this is like an island city in the uk they're like they're selling the school i didn't get the job and then 10 months later all the way in like october november when i'd already started working here i'd finished the program i was just like a substitute teacher they like sort of contacted me out of the blue and be like hey you want this job in the uk and i was like well i'm just substitute teaching i got nothing to do yeah i'm not attached to these lousy students i don't care uh so uh and then i had some stuff going on in my life and i was like let's get away from that stuff i'm bored

let's move across the world. And that's how I ended up there for a year and a half. Where was it exactly? Well, I ended up living in that delightful island city, Portsmouth. I don't know. Have you heard of Portsmouth? No. Is it spelled Portsmouth?

It is indeed. Which made it very hard when they initially told me about this island city. I could not Google it. Because I'm like, Portsmouth. And I tried Googling it. Couldn't find it this is really going to affect me but as the locals call it we call it Pompey

oh Pompey P-O-M-P-E-Y like Pompey Pompey and if you close your eyes is that Pompeii? Pompeii by Bastille

oh nice, very nice and what were you teaching? I was teaching grade 6 to grade 10 what do they call that over there? it's like secondary school I guess do they have like forms instead of grades?

They have years. They have years. They have years, which is our grades plus one, all the way until year 10. Our grades plus one. Kindergarten is year one? Yes. Grade two, grade one. Never mind.

Until you're 16 and they take a big exam and then you shuffle off into different paths oh yeah you're A-levels is that what they're called? yeah you're A-levels yeah in sixth form and then

do you is that it? is your path in life determined after that test? feels like it is yeah pretty much pretty much I think it's sort of

determined from when you're born and like what class your parents will. Oh no. You know,

I know about this Mr. Ripley fellow. I know about, have you seen a certain movie called the first night? No. Wait, which is the Heath Ledger one? Dark night.

One where he's jousting. Night's tale. Night's tale. Nice. Saves the's jousting. Knight's Tale? Knight's Tale. Nice. Saves the day. Thank you. You exist in that one. You have to be of noble birth to compete.

Yes. And you know how they made the jousting sticks explode so well? They put spaghetti in them. What? Yeah. So they put like dried spaghetti in the middle of these things so that when they exploded, it looked like wood shattering. Oh, that's very cool.

Yeah. And they had a Chef Boyardee on set, and they actually had to keep him caged up because he would get so excited. They had to. Because when the noodles would explode everywhere, he'd be like, he'd like run on the set and ruin

all the takes and so they're like why did we have him on set to begin with in in this scenario chef is a mascot who can't stop eating fast he's not the guy who made the fast he's not a guy who makes canned wet pasta he's a a guy who loves dry pasta. Dry movie set pasta. Have you ever seen this film? I've never seen the film. I just know it from this reference. A Knight's Tale?

I think I've seen bits of it. Okay. Yeah, so they do a dance to We Will Rock You. He wants to get close to that. Shannon Sossaman is the female lead. There's a crew of merry men. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

One of them is the guy who was on one of those shows that looked like the King of Queens, but it was a British guy doing an American accent. Oh, yeah. Right? Maybe he played Fred Flintstone in a lesser sequel. Yeah. Have you seen any of the Flintstones movies? I have not.

What I'm doing is, I don't know if you guys have ever seen this. Have you guys seen A Christmas Night? No. Is that Night with a K? Indeed. No. It's a Vanessa Hudgens movie about a time traveling night and i've blurred that movie with a knight's tale together in my mind so when you talk about a knight's tale i'm just seeing vanessa hudgens in my head she's done a couple of christmas movies um hudgedog yeah my friend vanessa from work she works in the cubicle next to you?

I worked on a commercial with her once. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I wrote a line for her to say. She was from Friday Night Lights? Yeah, she was from Friday Night Lights. Here's what's up. So, I saw this meme of Vanessa Hudgens.

Okay. No, she wasn't from Friday Night Lights. It was just going along with that. But she was from High School Musical. Okay, yes. Which I've never seen. Have you seen it? And?

Loved it. Yeah? Grew up on the High School Musical DVD. Not any of the sequels, but... Just the first. What about High School Musical, the musical, the show? I've not seen that. Is that the one with Olivia Rodrigo and Sabrina Carpenter?

Probably. What a cast. Holy shit. The... I don't know. i haven't seen those yet yeah yes well my kids really like uh olivia rodrigo oh sure i didn't know that she was of noble birth she had to be to compete she was on first of course um anyway so so there's a very funny um not funny anyway so there's this picture of uh vanessa hudgens meeting kaya gerber the gerber baby who is the daughter of uh cindy crawford okay and then and like like, and so Vanessa Hudgens is like 20, Kaya Gerber is like eight.

And she's a big fan of High School Musical. They're meeting on a red carpet or something. Okay. And then years later, Kaya Gerber stole Vanessa Hudgens' boyfriend, Austin Butler. Oh, shit. Does any of this matter? I mean, to whom is the question sometimes I just need to get things off my chest

I've never seen High School Musical so I don't know I can presume what it's about and it's a Zac Efron vehicle is that right? And you grew up with it. Did you just watch it over and over and over again as a youth does with the one

DVD that they have? Yeah, so I had that and I had Mean Girls, I believe. we didn't have internet for the whole summer. Was it at a cabin or something like summer. Uh, and was this supposed to like, was it at a cabin or something like that? No,

it was just my mom. I don't know. I don't think you know this, but I grew up like my mom was very like no TV kind of as a kid. So at some point when I was like maybe like 10, we got a computer and then it was exclusively for DVD access from that. We'd rent from the public library. Oh,

we'd rent, uh, things like things like operas or whatever from the... God, Mom, stop it. Or we'd watch 90s television shows. And then my sister, with her own money, bought Mean Girls and High School Musical. Oh, okay. I don't know if my mom knew about it, but those were contraband movies we watched.

Wow. Did you always watch when she was out of the house kind of thing? Yeah. Okay. And then I also watched TV because we lived in an apartment building and the laundry room had a television. Oh, wow. So I'd go do laundry.

And while the perm press was going, I could watch whatever was on Disney Channel. What's the perm press? Permanent press? It's the only setting I know Oh yeah yeah I know it's I know it's permanent I just didn't know if it was like a separate device Oh yeah like a

Is it in the Is it a setting in the dryer or the washer? On the washer I think it's on a washer Yeah Is it for like Cause I've had clothes that said permanent

press on them and they were like you know maybe Dickies or like some kind of polyester garment yeah

yeah where you don't have to press them they're permanently pressed unlike all my clothes which I press all the time I gotta get a good

crease in the middle I put all my clothes between textbooks and I then I get it nice and smooth I don't like ironing. I just want to let them figure itself out.

Yeah, and I want them to end up looking like a dried flower that I've pressed between the pages. I love that your laundry room had a television because I wish my laundry room had a television or anything. Or has a television. Yeah. I used to do like coin laundry that was near where not really near enough to be near where i lived it was several blocks away but they had tv and they only ever had it on um uh home shopping network that was the only thing that they showed and man oh man some of that jewelry they were showing off ugly ugly ugly jewelry would you

stay for the whole time yeah because if i went it was just more walking so it's just i'd stay there watch the and this was before uh phones were really great you know or like they're a wonderful tool of entertainment now back then they were like i guess i could take a picture yeah i guess i could play snake yeah i could text my other friend that has a uh a phone and my mom uh has resisted getting a smartphone for years oh really just got an iphone and she's like oh but i think there's something wrong with it i have to charge it like every day and i was like everyone charges their phone every day i charge mine in like two in the afternoon because i because i've been using it since six in the morning um dave was there anything like that that your parents was like foreboding uh

like we were content or anything oh well i've talked about how we weren't allowed to watch married with children yes but um the um today we were addicted to TV. Like we, my parents, they tried everything to get us to stop. They put a lock on the plug. Like, they unplugged it and put a lock on it. Yeah, they unplugged the TV and put a lock on it.

I think that's how the lock worked. And then, Oh, wow. We found the key and then they're like, well, we can't do this. Where would they hide it?

I don't know. My brother found it or my sister. And, um then they're like, well, we can't do this. Where would they hide it? I don't know. My brother found it or my sister. And they got through and my parents were like, well, they're just too damn good, these kids. They're too good at getting past our log. Oh, I love that you had to go that extra level of having a lock on the... Yeah, because TV was still this it's great it rules um what about you um no the one i think i've said before the one show that was forbidden in the house was er because my mom worked at a hospital and she was like absolutely

no er in the house and that was the one oh but i craved it once it was because of their bad medical no just it was enough you know no more hospital stuff uh and it was kind of like the biggest show for a while but like i watched er and i was annoyed because the big thing to watch is like gray's anatomy like no one makes er references now and i spent all this time watching. Hell sure. For no return. Yeah. Well, the whole thing was how hot George Clooney

was. And I'm always, every time I go to the hospital, I make really outdated like, it's like saying elsewhere in here.

And then the doctors don't know what I'm talking about. Do you know what he's talking about? I do not. The mainly I remember is an episode where

there was Juliana, I don't know how to pronounce her last name. Margulies. She was like in like a like a convenience store Uh, I do not. The main thing I remember is an episode where there was Juliana, I don't know how to pronounce her last name. Margulies. Uh, she was like in like a, like a convenience store and there's like a robbery. Do you guys remember this episode? No, I never, I wasn't allowed to watch it.

She has to save someone inside the convenience store. Yes. Yes. I remember hearing, I never saw it, but I know what you're talking about. But that's ingrained. She is the star. Like George Clooney is like an afterthought in my head when I think of him. Yeah.

He left early. Yeah. I think ofah wiley as being sure i think of oh who was the red-headed curly-haired woman maybe not red-headed reba mcintyre yeah she played the colonel yes uh suzy schweiner i would look it up, but there were so many actors cause it went on for so long for so long. Uh, would you say they've logged the entire, uh,

series or is this just, I think I watched whatever seasons they had at the library. This is, I, I love the same thing with the Simpsons and family guy. It was what's on the, what is Burnaby Public Library buying? Yeah. But your parents eventually would let you watch The Simpsons and Family Guy?

Simpsons, yes. I don't think they knew really what Family Guy was about. Yeah. And Family Guy was also partially a laundry room watch, because it was still on. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You had full cable in the laundry room i don't know what cable counts as there were a lot of channels yeah a lot of channels i think

so then i mean that's the only way to get a lot of channels back then could have run a splitter all the way up into your apartment um yeah that was uh did you have that in your house with a splitter going all over the house for the one cable? There was like one cable port and everything is split off of that cable port. In our first house, we only had the two TVs, I think. One on the main floor and one on my parents' room. And then I think there was maybe another TV that had an antenna. Oh, yeah. parents room and then i think there's maybe another tv that had an antenna oh yeah and then i think and then when we moved into our new house that had like they had thought it through of like

here's where the tvs are going to be so oh yeah i need to run a splitter smart um so you grew up here in vancouver i want to talk about er yeah okay let's talk about er for a second i because i never watched it i didn't watch any i don't think i watched a drama till i was in my 20s yeah what dramas did i watch as a teenager my so-called life uh-huh um uh that's probably the big one that i can remember what else was even on the chicago hope so nypd blue yeah i didn't watch that yeah what did i start what was like the sopranos sopranos soprano pasta drama uh did my was that the first thing i watched i don't know did you did you ever watch um law and order law and order was that i i was quite addicted to as a teen no no i feel like i felt like i went to bed at 10 o'clock because that's when all the comedy

sitcoms ended yeah and then i was no late night talk shows for you i did i mean eventually i went to bed late late yeah i had a radio and i had like earphones you could plug in and i would just stay up all night listening to whatever so cknw at midnight would have golden age of radio where they play radio series from like the 40s yeah okay and then at 2 or 3 a.m it changed uh they used to have more golden hour they would play coast to coast a.m with art bell yes with art bell the conspiracy alien show yes and this was this would start at what time two or three a.m two or three a.m and you were still up at this time yeah i did that too when i said i went to bed at 10 o'clock i mean i went to my room yeah and then like still had access to radio. Radio and magazines.

What are you doing in there? Nothing. I'm just smelling perfume samples. I hear a lot of pages turning. Yeah. This guy, this conspiracy guy, I only know him by other people's references i don't think i've ever heard his show was it a call-in show yep and he would field questions about conspiracy or just chat conspiracy with somebody yeah that would bring in experts would the conspiracies be mostly aliens or were there there, like, you know, Kennedy assassination ones?

It was mostly aliens, like, crystal skulls and, like, weird energies. God, sure. What a waste of time. A lot of Roswell. Oh, sure. A lot of Roswell talk. Absolutely. Would he get in arguments ever with his uh

guests saying like no no no that's not how it is i've got to figure it out or would he be like well maybe because i feel like you got to string those people along yeah yeah it's true um but and then you'd be up until like what three four in the morning we look at and then would you then get up in the morning like to go to school and such yeah so you were good on like what 2 hours sleep

3 hours sleep wouldn't it be a lot more if you go to bed at 4 and you wouldn't school start like 9 you get like 4 or 5 hours of sleep

you're not going 8.30 no high school starts at 8.30 8.40 yeah that's true I thought high school starts at 830 yeah that's true I thought it all

started at 830 that's why now sometimes I think about so I'm a substitute teacher I think about like maybe tomorrow

I'll sub elementary school because it means I get to get up half an hour later than normal yeah so when you

are you now substituting here again yeah what is that like it is kind of fun because you get like this sort of like online like web board of different jobs that you can accept. Okay.

But you don't know the details of the job really until you accept them. It's like Hotwire where you pick a hotel. It doesn't tell you which one. And then you go in and... This is a three-star school. Located in the downtown core. So yeah, you don't know what gig. You're signing up for a gig, but you don't know what.

Yeah, you can kind of know the general subject sometimes. But then once you sign up, you get the details. And then you can decline the assignment. After you read the details. Is that anonymous? Or do they know this guy keeps declining? You got to file a reason. But one of the reasons you can choose is other reason.

So I just choose that one. Now, what is the... I'm always... Because my kids go to school and I'm always like... They're always like, oh yeah, I think we're going to have a substitute tomorrow. How early do the teachers have to call in sick? Oh yeah.

Because their teachers... School starts at nine for my kids. Teachers are there before school. How, so if it's a substitute, how much notice does the substitute have to have? Right. To fill in for somebody who's like sick that day.

Yeah. Yeah. You're allowed to go, like they will have substitutes come in later during the day. Because like sometimes teachers do get sick really last minute. And because when I was in the UK, I was teaching there. And then sometimes it'd be like 7 in the morning, and that school required you to fill in all your lesson plans,

prepare everything for the substitute, which is a really bad system. Like, I'm sick. I do not want to plan the whole day and use so many instructions. And it's also like, come on, sub, why aren't you just going to show a video? Yeah, show a video. Ask the kids what page they were on.

Say your book doesn't have that number. Assume that they've all switched seats. That was a big substitute thing. Go to the bathroom and cry. Did you, as a youth, did you... I feel like there was a generational shift of people that made Substitute Teacher's Life a living hell and then not. Because I feel like a lot of people I've talked to just said, like, wow, we don't do that at all. Did you as a youth?

I was bad to the teachers, but not in like a be rowdy way, but just in a be kind of like a know-it-all kind of kid. And one of my favorite teachers I sort of messed with his life a little bit. That sounds very I really liked him.

It was his first year teaching and he had set up like an online forum for the kids to like talk to each other about like news articles which like no one was doing

other than me. You guys read about this stuff in Kosovo? At one time, I posted photos of him drunk at a party that I had found online. Whoa, okay. Which is probably the only time people in that class went and looked at the online form. Hey, what did he look like? Yeah, what was he doing? and looked at the online forum.

Hey, what did he look like? Yeah, what was he doing? As a kid, I don't think I'd be able to tell what a drunk looking grown up was. No,

unless they were like cartoonishly like lampshade on their head. What is that? You know how when you get people get like, when people took photos,

you would get that red glare in their eyes that make them look way more drunk that they are. Yeah, I think that was the thing. He probably wasn't that and he had drinks in some of the photos i think but like other than that like

it was because of that effect it made him look like he was just you know partying hard and he also was in a photo with his sister which we did not know was his sister so we all were like, ooh. They were smooching. Ooh. We were at a wake because our grandfather died and I had a couple drinks. The photo that I always think of whenever I hear about McClain with a shirt off playing air guitar. And some people say it's fake. Some people say it's out of the real deal. No one says it's fake. There's multiple shirtless photos of him, aren't there?

There's one of him on top of a bar in Victoria. Wow. Maybe this is a folder I have on my computer i don't know drunk celebrities drunk canadian celebrities here's mike muller and a bully oh yeah my uh friend i went to college with uh her mother grew up with uh ron mclean oh yeah a hockey commentator ron McClain and at one time I'm sure I've told this story one time she or

my friend's mother and Ron McClain were at a party and they dry humped well there's a park by my house named Ron McClain Park named after that moment

I think and we every time he came on TV we would refer to him as her dryological father. I don't think you've told that before. That's hilarious.

That's good. They dry humped at the party? Wow. Wow. What do you mean, wow? People dry humping on left and right at my parties. You ever made a special room just for dry humping? No.

Out in the open. Put a mattress down. Yeah, what's... I mean, Ronald Klain really takes the cake when it comes to drunk celebrity stories. I don't know what's better. I mean, Mel Gibson. I feel like... Oh, yeah.

...Plane or something. Yeah. Mel Gibson. Yeah. Famously famous drunkard. Mm-hmm. Anybody? You got a fave? I mean Mel Gibson Trevor Drebber do I feel like oh yeah Lane or something yeah Mel Gibson yeah famously famous drunkard anybody you got a fave I have one off the top of my head

yeah fair enough but I have just begun following celebrity drama oh good what's new what do you like

yeah been following a lot of chess drama okay is this mostly butt plug stuff oh no no so right now okay well i mean uh i didn't just make that up right yeah you're no everybody else goes to celebrity but but plugged on okay go ahead uh so the main drama recently is that so the Chess Championships are coming up

and they're in Toronto next year. And so there's a tournament to decide who gets to play the champion from last year. And to get into this qualifying tournament, there's a bunch of different ways you can get there. One of them is by winning specific big chess tournaments and one of them is based off of your rating,

like your chess rating. And so there's two people who are very close for that last, last spot. And one of them is based off of your rating, like your chess rating. And so there's two people who are very close for that last, last spot. And one of the guys is an American named Wesley So, and he, going into December, was going to go to the World Championship. Make it so. And there's also an Iranian-French grandmaster

named Ali Reza. And Ali Reza was just a few points below. And so what he decided to do, and the French Federation did, was they organized a tournament of people who were much worse than him. People who were retired, people who were just awful, and they set it up so

that he could play all of them and just destroy them. Nice. To improve his rating. Exactly. This is the Jake Paul paul boxing school of thought oh is that what how he does it yeah he boxes guys who are either not boxers you know like ufc guys that are now boxing or people who have been retired for what um uh do you play chess i do not very well like how not very well? Because I could really lose a game of chess. I can play someone who knows the rules,

but I'll lose to anyone who had any sort of training or coaching. I can beat high schoolers who have just learned it online. Because you have to in a substitute teacher position. Yeah, that's how you assert dominance. You catch a kid playing chess on their phone you promise them that they can go on the phone for the rest of the class

and they beat you and then you beat them and then you remind them endlessly until they do work yeah boy what you must defeat the child

do you know what checkers is called in England isn't it called I do not remember is it called drafts I think it's called drafts isn't what's the one snakes and ladders isn't it called I do not remember is it called drafts I think it's called drafts isn't

what's the one snakes and ladders isn't that shoots and ladders which makes way more sense yeah that's right because why would there be

well they had it's called shoots and ladders in Ireland because St. Patrick drove all the snakes all the snakes that's correct yes what did you know do you know about the butt plug drama i do

indeed about the butt plug drama why am i the only one that doesn't know about this butt plug i think i've talked about it this was in the chess world yeah i think it was in a hot topic at one point but was there a player who was accused of yes getting strategy through a vibrating butt plug like Morse coded to his butt. Yeah. And the whole time he's like, I'm getting a text. You're not allowed to get a text either,

sir. But just that he's visually uncomfortable every few seconds. Or very comfortable. I just find chess very erotic um do you is it like when you're playing chess in person are there tells like in poker you see what's going on in your opponent's brain i don't know because i've not played that many chess games in person most of them i play chess it's just online against complete strangers so for me it's actually very interesting for me to play like across from someone well it's very different what's your favorite chess website chess.com i use lee chess lee chess

okay they're free they're a non-profit i think okay okay yeah the problem with chess.com all the profit yeah i'm. Same with sudoku.com. Is, in modern day online chess, is there trash talking over, like, a headset? Like your Fortnite? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there's a chat, but most of the time,

if anyone sends you anything in chat, it's usually something in Russian and mean. Oh yeah. Cause they are pretty good at banning people who are rude. Yeah. Uh, but there's lots of ways that you can kind of be like subtly rude, like offering like a, like a tie when you're obviously losing. That's pretty rude.

Oh yeah. Yeah. You know what? Let's just call this a tie. Yeah. Checkmate. No, you know what? Here, call this a tie Yeah yeah yeah Checkmate No you know what Let's just Here

Come on Shake my hand Shake it We're both men We're gentlemen Are you searching for Bobby Fischer Am I searching for

Bobby Fischer Are you searching for Bobby Fischer I don't want to find Bobby Fischer Yeah that's true Once you find him Then what do you do with him

It's the thrill of the hunt Have you seen Searching for Bobby Fischer? I have not. Is that the most famous chess movie? What about the, what's her name? Queen's Gambit? That was a TV show.

Ah, shit. Yeah. It was that first drama I ever watched. What is the, is it Star Wars or Star Trek where they've got a chess board that's like all different levels? No way. Star Wars. Yeah.

Star Wars, they have like a little animated guys who like kill each other on the chess board.'s like no way star wars yeah star wars they have like a little animated guys who like uh kill each other on the chess board and uh the wookie gets mad um yeah is uh is this something you were taught growing up or do you gravitate towards chess i learned a little bit chess when i was a kid yeah a little bit of chess when I was a kid. Yeah, a little bit of chess knowledge is a dangerous thing. And then, maybe like five, six years ago, I moved to Vancouver Island. Okay. And I had a job in which I didn't have to do anything really all day. Oh, what's this job?

I'm interested. It was like a water quality scientist. Tastes good. We got water from Vernon. Okay. So they shipped water from Vernon all the way to, I don't know where Vernon is,

but. It's in the interior. Yeah, it's not on the island. It's on the mainland, right? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so they would bring the water all the way down

to Victoria and I'd sit in a lab and I'd grow the bacteria out of this water and then I'd tell them what animals had pooped in their water oh yeah there's definitely a raccoon raccoon and uh one human uh i don't know i can tell you that for free um what uh what how did you yeah how the hell did you get that yeah did you have

do you have science training it was through school So this was like my co-op during university. So I had minimal training. I'd just done like two or three years of my undergrad. And I'd showed up and there was no one who worked there. So there was my boss. There was a graduate student who had just moved. So I'd never met them. Right. And my boss was never there because he was always fishing.

Did he have a sign on his door that said gone fishing well I wish because it would have been it's very scary when you don't know when your boss will be there and when he

won't be especially when it's 99% of the time he's not there yeah because you like come late you like obviously

are playing chess all the time yeah you're like will he walk through that door at any minute your boss is like is this how you do it every day no this today's different today's weird he shows up in hip waders i wasn't gonna

show up but the good thing about a boss who fishes is very easy to buy a birthday card half of the birthday cards are for fishing guys the other half are for golfing guys guys um have either you guys fished i've been on fishing trips as a kid i guess yeah i think i did too i think we fished off a bridge and then out of a boat never caught anything i caught a tin can an old boat tire yeah um you fish ever i have gone with some high school friends who like to go fishing but they've never caught anything while I was there.

But I keep telling you last time I caught one this big. It's a rich tapestry fishing and chess hiding to watch

television. I used to play fishing video games. Oh yeah? Taskmasters? No it was on my phone. Oh, yeah. It'd be during geography class.

Why? It felt like it fit the theme. Sure. Sure. What, uh, was geography a high school or college? High school. Didn't, I don't think we were offered that. Geography?

Yeah. No. They have all sorts of classes now. It's amazing. Yeah? Yeah. Because it was just What was there? Math?

Some science Maybe chemistry or physics Yeah History History Or social studies English Then some weird thing like

Life access Or something Oh sure Like career and personal planning Yes And that was it Oh and then gym Gym

You would get like Home ec I guess Yeah home ec or drama Yeah Depending on Your What do they call those Electives

Electives Yeah and also In my school I don't know if it's Like universal Oh yeah you could take art Oh our school had a Auto

Yeah I was just gonna say Do your school have an auto Mechanic division We had like a shop We didn't have anything With full cars and stuff But I was very scared to say, did your school have an auto mechanic division? We had like a shop. We didn't have anything with full cars and stuff, but I was very scared of the teacher who did shop. Why? What happened?

He just looked kind of scary, so I stuck with my home ec and my, and I took comparative civilizations. Oh, yeah. Which civilization won? What was the best one? There was some Peruvian civilization we learned about because my teacher's husband was from Peru.

She would just show us pictures all the time of her visiting her husband's family. Eventually, she was like, yeah, we're just going to study Peru. We studied Peru, and then we watched The Prince of Egypt, and those are the two things I remember that we did. Damn. I wonder, like, as a teacher,

when do you decide that it's the day to watch a movie in class? When, like, have you done that where you're just like, today's movie watching?

I have never felt secure enough. So I'm constantly very anxious when I teach about whether, like, I was very scared

the whole time I was in the UK that there was a school inspection that was going to happen. Because 99% of the time there wasn't a school inspection, but they're very worried that one day... But they would scare us all the time because it's very big in the UK of school inspections because it really

determines how parents view your school and everything like that. There's a big sign outside your school that says your rating. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, okay. Is it LA that does the letter grade in the window of this place is filthy. The sign says this place is filthy, but they let it still operate. Well, the sign says stay away fools because love

rules at the love shack. Don't eat at the love shack. I can't stress that enough. The God, I lost it. Um, the, uh, God, I lost it. It's, uh,

yeah. Cause I, I don't even know. I wanted to talk about Peru. Yeah. But I did, wait, I did show a movie that was like,

I showed Princess Mononoke. Okay. For my grade sevens. A little, uh, bloody, isn't it? That's what I was concerned about.

But then I looked at the age restrictions, like, no, this fits along with our, like, studying the environment and ecosystems sure but some kids were like why are we watching this i'm like it's the end of the year like you're really trying to make me the teacher defend showing you a movie don't you think ponyo would be more appropriate what is ponyo about ponyo is about a little uh underwater boy uh named ponyo who loves uh you know his uh father is played by liam neeson uh voiced by liam neeson and he goes up to a land family the mother is

voiced by tina fey i think okay and uh he really enjoys ham he gets to the mainland and he likes to eat ramen with ham in it, but especially the ham part. And so much so that in my house, the kids didn't learn the word ramen for years. They referred to ramen as panko noodles. Okay, what do you want for dinner? Noodles? Spaghetti noodles or panko noodles? Panko noodles.

With ham, please. With ham. With extra ham. Cute. That sounds cute as hell. Yeah. I've never seen Ponyo. I don't think I've seen any of those popular

Spirited Away. Yeah, I haven't seen Spirited Away. I haven't seen My Cousin Totoro. I haven't seen My Neighbor Totoro. I don't know. See, I've never seen it. What about Kiki's Delivery Service? What about Howiki's Delivery Service what about Howl's Moving Castle

none of them I haven't seen any of them what about Captain Porco or whatever he loves ham like nobody else there's one of the theaters right now isn't there yeah the boy in the Heron have you seen all these films I've seen most of them I haven't seen the boy in the haran

but that's this is a weird time because every year even though we're recording this uh we're back in december still even though you out there mid january but something my family will do is go to a movie on some afternoon post yeahmas yeah but it's always this weird assortment of movies that are out in december where it's like there's not really there's like ones that are kind of sneaking in to be under oscar consideration and uh and then maybe like a family movie but not necessarily an actual like it kids. Mostly. It's not actually for a family. I mean, one year,

Oh my God. One year we went and saw, um, uh, that's Fox catcher. Okay. Yeah. One year we went, what's up cat Fox catcher.

Why did my reputation take a blow over that one? Cause you recommended Fox catcher. Yeah. And it was the most boring move. Oh, it was so slow moving. Yeah, and this year, I don't know. I want to go see Ironclaw, but I feel like

that's going to be a sad movie. Sad wrestling movie. Oh, of course. It's got your boy Zac Efron, though. Did anyone else come out of those movies? Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, anyone else? Yeah, wasn't there somebody that played that guy?

I don't think so. I can't think of anyone. Justin Guarini. Who's that? Don't worry about it. He's an American Idol guy? Yeah. Yeah.

From Kelly to Justin. Boy, what should you see with your parents? We just got back from Christmas ourselves, and I you see with your parents? I was, I, we just got back from Christmas ourselves and I was back. I got back last night and it was a Thursday and I was like, Oh, this is literally the last chance I have to see killers of the flower moon in theater.

Oh yes. I couldn't do it. Yeah. Three, three and a half hours. And I had just been sitting in my car all day. Yeah. I needed to move my feet.

So I went dancing. I, had just been sitting in my car all day yeah i needed to move my feet so i went dancing i i would watch killers of a flower moon if i had a big laundry load to do what if your family wants to go see you know what i'm going to recommend that your family's going to like yeah ferrari that's something for everybody in ferrari yeah adam driver why more than one movie about Ferrari? Well, here's what's up. Go on. Did you ever watch the TV show Entourage? Yes. Okay. It's about a movie star. It's based on the like... Oh, that could be your next series. Is this the thing

with like Ari Gold? Yep. You know it. You know it. Let me hug it out. Did you ever go on the Canucks forums? I didn't, but tell me hug it out. Did you ever go on the Canucks forums? I didn't, but tell me about it. I used to go on the Canucks forums a lot as a kid when I finally got internet. That's the only reason I know about Entourage is because you would be able to customize your profile and add GIFs. There was one guy who was a very popular, famous poster.

What was his name? Ari Gold. I think he just named himself Ari Gold on the forums. And he had a Jeremy Piven gif. I'm surprised you weren't on these. I think. It's like it's right up your alley. I know.

I don't. But I don't obsess over the like media around the team. Like people will like, oh, I hate. People are really into it. Like know which, you know, sports writers they like and which ones are stupid.

And I never got into that. But that was what they talk. What did they talk about on these forums? Yeah. They just like, you know, propose different trades.

Yeah. That's also interminable. Like trading Burroughs was the biggest thing. Oh yeah. You got to trade Burroughs. Yeah. That was,

and then eventually. What did we get for Burroughs? I think at the time they wanted to trade Burroughs. Yeah, that was, and then eventually. What did we get for Burroughs? I think at the time they wanted to trade him for nothing. And then eventually Burroughs became good and that just became like,

that became like the standard for how stupid this place is. Right. Everyone is going. Oh, for sure, for sure,

for sure. Oh, that's always like, in retrospect, cause I go on the Canucks, you know, Reddit sometimes.

Sure. Everyone really wanted us to do terribly and trade everyone away last year and now we're doing well and everyone forgets how right that that's what they were calling for the year yeah yeah um uh but oh boy like three topics ago okay so entourage yes sorry there was um so this guy vinnie chase is this uh fake movie star yeah and he's uh making all these movies and now in real life these movies are actually getting made yeah the aquaman he was aquaman in the the in that universe and there was one, oh, well, he wanted to do Medellin. Medellin, which was about, what the hell's his name? Big drug guy from South America. El Chapo?

No, pre-El Chapo. What was his name? He was a Colombian fella from Medellin. Oh, somebody. Or maybe his name was Medellin. It was a 30 for 30 About Not Carlos

Nope What the hell Was his name I think Wait so was this show About this man Trying to make movies In his world

And his friends Yes His entourage of friends And they were And it was All about how, you know, he had to struggle. Escobar. Pablo Escobar. Pablo Escobar, yes. The Carlos Mencia of the drug trade.

And he, like everything always worked out. The drama was so. Yeah, there was no stakes. The drama was so... Yeah, there was no stakes. It was... The lead guy was a handsome guy who was in movies, which was... He was a representation of Mark Wahlberg. Because Mark Wahlberg produced the series.

So it was about him becoming famous and then his, like, kind of no-talent friends that hung around. His brother, Johnny Drama, was sort of a stand-in for Donnie Wahlberg. Yeah, he was a Donnie Wahlberg. But he... And the Wahlberg foreman, he was a Donnie Wahlberg. But he... And the Wahlberg foreman. I don't like Mark Wahlberg. How come? I don't know.

There's just something about him that... Well, by the time you're going to bed at four in the morning, he's waking up to work out and pray. Work out and pray. Have you seen his daily schedule? No, I can't handle it. I can't even... Just seeing his schedule makes me feel bad about it this uh we'll get to that um but they made many yet they made well they didn't yeah so but he wanted to do medellin but he had signed up to do

matterhorn and matterhorn was based on the disney ride matterhorn yeah based on the fact that uh they had already done pirates of the Caribbean. Right. Now every Disney thing they've done tomorrow land, they've done haunted mansion. They've never done, uh, it's a small world and that's, that's a mercy that they've shown us as a people.

But then, uh, there was one season that just started with him on the tonight show promoting his movie where he plays Ferrari, starting the Ferrari company and how they made the real life for art. And then I remember reading an interview when they had Aquaman, he was in the big movie Aquaman and at the time, James Cameron looked into it and kind of ran the numbers and said like, eh, no, it would never, cause it was pre like

superhero stuff. Yeah. So he was like, I wonder if I could make Aquaman that guy loves the ocean. I would love to love anything like James Cameron loves the ocean. My God. So, okay, here is Mark Wahlberg's daily schedule. Okay. That he posted on Instagram at one point.

What time do you think this motherfucker wakes up? Four. Yeah, I was going to say four. 2.30 in the morning. What? Jesus Christ. Ant is not even in bed yet. He's still listening to our bell at this point.

He's listening to frickin' Richard Diamond's Mysteries Um 2.30 wake up 2.45 prayer time Sure yeah What are you doing those first 15 minutes Squirtle

He's just kind of getting You know he's doing that you know shaking off Sleep you know splashing some cold water How long did he pray for do you think 20 minutes wrong 30 so at 3 15 it's breakfast okay breakfast goes uh yeah and then it's uh 3 40 to 5 15 in the morning working out so wait he eats breakfast it doesn't say what it is though um no it doesn't say what it is though. No, it doesn't say what it is. Okay. But you can probably assume Cocoa Puffs. Yeah. This reminds me of Liver Girl, which is a TikTok thing. I'll tell you after you're done this.

We are like, we have like a backlog of topics. Because I'm not going to be done for a while. So he works out from 3.40 to 5.15. Okay. 5.30, post-workout meal. Yeah. So he's had two meals before I've woken up. Yeah.

And probably like, you know, protein rich. Yeah, probably cod. Probably 5.30 a.m. cod. They love cod. That would be my, if I was a substitute teacher, I'd get a bad reputation because I'd microwave fish in every school. No, I'm not coming back tomorrow but what are you gonna do yeah uh six o'clock shower okay so then 7 30 golf wait a minute he takes an hour and a half to shower that's what i'm wondering then 7 30 golf the sun is barely even coming up. Okay. 6 a.m. shower, 7.30 golf.

8 o'clock snack. So is he on like the third hole? Yeah, he's having a Nutri-Grain bar. Maybe, I think it must be 6.30 golf because at 9.30 he's doing a cryo chamber recovery. He has a snack in there as well. Well, at 10.30, there's a snack. 11 a.m., family time. That's nice.

He lets his family sleep in. Yeah. We're at school at 11 a.m., Dad. I'm pulling my kids out of school for family time. Family time slash meetings slash work calls. Okay. 1 p.m., lunch. Sure. 2 p.m slash meetings slash work calls okay 1 p.m lunch sure 2 p.m meetings and work calls 3 p.m pick up kids at school so family time was just having sex with his wife i i've written it in the schedule

3 30 snack four o'clock I hear his wife's a bit of a snack um I don't know who he's married to 4 o'clock workout number 2 okay

5 o'clock shower okay 5.30 dinner slash family time 7.30 bedtime 7.30 bedtime this guy's not watching Jeopardy

no wow 7.30 bedtime okay his kids probably stay up later than him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They put him to bed.

Does he not also make movies? Yeah, what the hell? Well, I got to make them. I got to be a movie where I'm in a cryo chamber. Now tell us about Liver Girl. Just a second. Cryo chamber is also what I call the room I cry in. I do an hour in there.

I have a snack. To replace all those salts that you just cried out. Tell us about Liver Girl. Liver Girl is a woman who goes to the University of Alberta. She's studying neuroscience, I think. She's on TikTok

and she posts her daily routine, which is waking up at 2 a.m. And it usually involves eating some sort of like. Liver. Raw liver or just a plate of ground beef with no seasoning. She drinks. What's it called? Is the ground beef raw?

No. Okay. But then she has a lot of bullet coffee, which is coffee with butter, right? Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. And she studies all day long and she works out and like she basically lives a wall mark walberg life but with probably worse food

yeah probably does she put like four hour toilet time on there and she's not posted in a few months and the internet's a little worried about her oh yeah is she um jordan peterson's daughter she does listen to him which is why we're worried man there's to me no funnier celebrity thing than him going on an all meat diet and then crying in his cryo chamber yeah uh dave what's going on with you man well as we mentioned it's january 15th they were recording This is going out live. No, we're in the week between Christmas and New Year's. And I went away for Christmas to Abby's parents.

Yeah. We had a very nice Christmas. Abby's aunt and her husband came. And so we brought two dogs. Abby's parents have two dogs. The aunt and the husband have two dogs. So it was insane. Wow. Mostly my dogs. Six dog Christmas. My dog. The aunt and the husband have two dogs. So it was insane. Wow.

Mostly my dogs. Six dog Christmas. My dog. The other dogs are all nice. My dogs are high energy a-holes. And so many little snacks. I felt like I was Mark Wahlberg about his snacks I was eating. Yeah. Do you think he just

keeps snacks in a pouch and just gives them to himself whenever he does something good but also is it like you know ferrero rachets oh yeah that's why he's got to work out so often yeah all those ferrero rachets um which big sale on those at the drugstore yeah i know you go in the middle of uh this in between christ Christmas and New Year's week, I just got, I just got a Terry's chocolate orange for $2. They usually go for like $7.50. The 60% off turtles there.

I can't do it. I've been eating so much. Like I'm, we, we had a, a, my, Abby's parents

got another gingerbread house and I was like, I can't. Can't do it? It's my favorite food on the planet and I was like, I can't, I can't do it. It's my favorite food on the planet and I can't do it. Just can't. It's too much. It is too much.

Yeah. It's the amount of like coffee breaks I need to take to eat little cookies. Yeah, it's true. You do get kind of like, I mean, the thing is, is like,

no matter what I can eat pie, like if there's pies on offer, I can eat pie as long as it doesn't have like nuts and it's like like a pecan pie but uh yeah even even pie my pie levels are being tested yeah it's this is a very the first worldiest problem there is too much food um uh but i also partook in the, uh, my favorite, uh, week between Christmas and New Year's activity of puzzle making. Oh yes. Not puzzle making puzzle doing.

Yeah, I guess so. I did a puzzle. Well, the problem is so Christmas came. The goose was so fat. Yeah. The, the old man's hat was full of pennies a few hay pennies was uh did tiny tim tiny tim okay yeah actually he got better oh good yeah yeah good so he's not tiny anymore he's jacked he's swole um and uh so that was christmas

and then christmas the day after christmas boxing day yeah huge in canada huge in canada we we took everything off the table and so daddy could do his puzzle yeah and we a lot of people in america don't know that we sit down and watch our favorite evander holyfield match every boxing day uh everybody's got their own favorite we watch the movie the box about the button in the box that kills a person in the world is that oh that is a movie that is a plot of a movie isn't it so that you press but then do you get something good

you get like a million dollars yeah I'd do it I just assume that whoever's dying is a bad person or someone's gonna die anyway yeah that's true yeah have you heard of this movie I've heard of the concept I did not know that it was a movie I think it was a movie. I think it was a Frank.

Franklin. He can't be the star of this. I thought you were going to say Frankie Muniz. Have you. I watched a movie last night that falls in this category that I didn't know was like a genre on its own is like monkey paw. Have you ever heard of a monkey paw? Is this like you hope for a good thing, bad things happen? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Like you, you get the good thing, but then it comes with like consequences. And I watched one last night called Advent Calendar where every day reveals a thing that's the woman who has it. She gets a thing that she wants, but then there's a price that she's going to have to pay. People have to die in order for her to get her. Anyways, if you're out there and you're looking for a kind of scary monkey

paw movie, make it. Advent Calendar is good. Did you get one this year? No, I just, I bust out my one that I've had for several years, which is a Back to the future, uh, advent calendar, a playmobil. Yeah. You do advent calendar.

Uh, as a kid, I sometimes had chocolate ones and then for two years in a row, a friend made me advent calendars. And since then I've been spoiled. Oh yeah. Can't go back. What goes in those?

Uh, chess pieces. I got a little different thing. So I would get like, uh, like I got I would get like a puzzle piece for one year. I got a puzzle piece and some sweet treats and little things like that. Which is like little gifts in every single one. I like the puzzle piece being in each one. I got one that was just eggs.

Different, like hard-boiled. Well, all just raw eggs. And by the end, they they were this was from the egg council yeah yeah uh get cracking dude yeah thanks no but we get i remember when i was a kid it would be like you open up the thing and there's like the uh a chocolate in the shape of santa's face or whatever yeah and it would be the mold of the plastic inside the calendar would determine the shape. Oh yeah. Ah,

yeah. But now they're all wrapped. You don't have loose chocolates anymore. In this movie, Advent Calendar, the rule is once you eat one of the candies, you have to eat all the candies. Mm.

Yeah. Sounds good. Yeah. Um, uh, but my problem with these advent calendars, why, why don't they put the numbers in order?

Oh yeah. They're always just like, where's, where's seven. Oh, this is a day that lives in infamy. Yeah. Why do they do that?

Huh? Uh, I have no idea. Don't make no sense to me. Uh, anyway, this is a great topic for January 15th. Um,

the, uh, is everybody keeping up their resolution to wake up at two in the morning and start working out um i think that's part of the blue monday thing is you've already said goodbye to your resolutions i'm gonna say bye to mine in advance so they can have an okay monday but i did so uh i knew we were coming back to Vancouver on the 28th, the 26th and the 27th. I had to do this puzzle and it became like work. I was like, okay, this is going to be, this is my whole next two days. Yeah. Um, what are we talking?

A hundred, a hundred piece? A thousand piece. A thousand piece. A thousand piece. Uh, I think it was one that either Sally or just Delisle brought over. Okay. On the party night, and it was just candies. Yes, candies.

Yeah. Did you do that one? I did. Sally did that, yeah. And I do not have a second of patience for puzzles. But patience is what you need, Greg. I know, but I don't have it. I don't have it.

Oh, but maybe you need to learn it. Maybe. Maybe. No, but I don't have the patience to learn it oh my god it's a vicious circle um so i'm doing this puzzle i'm getting the edges uh i'm finding the that's what you do first right yeah everybody find you find an edge well you start edging as they call it please i was gooning it please i was gooning uh and the so i did this uh not everyone finds the edges abby was like i just do whatever she just freestyles it she's absolutely um an absolute mad lad yeah um but i uh so he found me i just found a couple of the recognizable things some kind of a nougat bear, a couple of gummy eggs. Nougat bear.

And I just can't wait to get my hands on nougat bears. And I made, I made, I probably got 400 pieces in and then I just ran out of time. And I was like, I'm not going to finish this at home. No, it's not going to happen.

Cause I'm, I have to be in i'm i have to be in my i have to be gooning i have to have my absolute my my mind has to be in puzzle mode i can't take a break from it i have to recognize the patterns and once i get out of that mode there's no going back yeah yeah yeah yeah i um seems to be that's a thing to do to occupy it's supposed to be a thing that you kind of like drift in and out of. It's just like everybody's doing a puzzle. Yeah, you walk away from the table, you come back and you immediately see a piece and know where it goes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you a puzzler? I love puzzling. Yeah? What do you do, thousands? Yeah. I feel like thousand is like the correct size of puzzle. Have you ever done one where it's just all one

color i have not because i am picky about my puzzles yeah of course i feel like i would never that just seems insane like i have no pleasure in that what what do you pick like what what do they got to be what's your criteria i don't like having just like huge swaths of the same color okay and i think it should have fun details i don't like ones that are just of landscapes yeah i like there to be some sort of story because then when you're talking with the other person you don't just be like give me the blue one give me the go give me the one part of that person's face right yes i i do these ones whenever i can get them that are i think the brand is white mountain and there's one artist who you can search for the this artist on their website and

just choose his oh okay and it was the one that was like the 90s and then the 2000s and the 80s and it would just have like every pop culture thing from that decade and then he did like music history and it was just like you know musicians yeah and the new one i got is called binge watching and that's from popular television popular television shows okay that from the binge just like, you know, musicians. Yeah. And the new one I got is called Binge Watching. And that's from popular television programs? Popular television shows. Okay. From the binge watching era, I assume. So like...

When did that start? Yeah, when did, I guess... When did we start binging? I guess when people could get DVDs from the library. We started binging. That could have been a Sopranos thing. As soon as Bach sets Hamo? Yeah. mo yeah yeah like that that's about the time but what was the like you'd have to miss because there was appointment viewing which was in the

television days like you Sunday at 7 o'clock is Sopranos and then like you have to watch it weekend we, week out. But then how do you as a person avoid the appointment viewing not find out the plot and then wait until the DVDs come out? I don't know. So I'm looking at this puzzle right now. Yeah. Of course.

There's going to be. Stranger things? I can't see everything. Yep, I'm sure it's there. But there are some older ones. MASH is on here. Binge watch MASH? Hmm. It doesn't seem right.

And no one's binge watching, what's his face, the Chris O'Donnell NCIS. Is that on there? Yeah. But 24, prime binge watching. Deadwood, you got it. Wait, so is it all the characters, like,wn about or like it's characters strewn about oh that is fine yeah it's fine so but also the uh it the mini series it is from the 90s right so these are just series basically is what but things that you would binge watch sure i'd watch uh yeah

deadwood's a perfect example you ever see deadwood that's very bingey like it has kind of it moves at a pretty good pace and uh oh they use the c word like it's going out of style on that show oh my god okay but here are just i'm just looking at the puzzle right now of course they've got you know uh fleabag you shot a binge on there of course they've got you know uh flea bag you shot a binge watch on there of course how are you gonna watch it if not in a binge um but they've got like breaking bad in there yeah well i saw a better call saul um they've got you know the queen's gambit for sure yeah um but they've got a couple things that just aren't shows that are just related to binge watching so they've got a bowl of popcorn yeah binge watching is in the netflix

font they've got a remote control okay yeah is this a licensed puzzle i know this is a completely uh unlicensed puzzle i don't't know. I haven't seen... I haven't gone into the freaking legalities of this puzzle. My God. In my head, I'm like, these are some big titles. It's true. You have to get permission for each one.

I wonder how that works. Yeah. No way they're licensed. No, no. Because when they did the 90s ones, they weren't going to like... or the 80 80s ones they weren't like gotta get mary lou retton's permission well and like can you imagine being the lawyer in charge of hunting down the person who designs these puzzles for like a fraction of whatever you're owed. Of a puzzle piece. But the one thing I don't understand is... Okay.

It must be... Well, it's Eggo Waffles. That's part of binging? That's what I thought, but now that's from Stranger Things, isn't it? Ah, yes. But there's like... Everything is just like a little square on this thing. A little square screen. Except for the waffles and the remote control and the popcorn i feel like there would be a uh

an internet article saying egos are having a moment that's what they say about something that like it's been around but all of a sudden people are talking egos um what else is having a moment uh i don't know ferrari cars or some finally having a moment thank you adam driver yeah oh his name's adam driver and he's in a car movie that's why he was cast oh my god they couldn't get uh hubert gas pedal hubert gas but what else was he in band of brothers when he was young but now you you were like you watch it and you're like whoa young hubert gas pedal he was one of the soldiers in band of brothers so that's yeah i was gonna say casting jimmy carr would have been too yes i mean just people named after parts of the car yeah Tom Roof

yeah Shannon Tom Cruise every reverend well yeah yeah so Horton Heat is in this movie and of course and of course samuel seatbelts uh shannon airbag speed weed graham what's going on with you oh same thing

you know holiday times you go away right now i'm in the middle of holiday visits. I've already, I went to my wife, Sally's family on an island, Treasure Island. Is that right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And. What can you tell me about Treasure Island? Oh, oh, the times they have. They build like, kind of like tree houses. They live in a, no wait, is that Swiss Valley or Robinson?

Is that? Oof. What am I thinking of? Robinson Crusoe? It might be Robinson Crusoe. Yeah. Robert Louis Stevenson? What is Treasure Island?

Treasure Island. I grew up on Treasure Island. I had a cassette tape of Treasure Island. An audio cassette? Yes. On my radio was also a cassette player. Whoa. Okay.

And so I listened to Treasure Island a lot. And that's why I was very excited by Tim Hortons, because Long John Silver, famous pirate from Treasure Island. So I was delighted to eat Long Johns all the time. Oh my God. I was like, this is the pirate donut. The pirate donut,

the Long John. Um, I always just think of underwear, whatever. Yeah. Long John. Yeah. Um,

and when you said Long John Silver, I was like, well, you know, there's a restaurant named after him. What? Yeah. It's a seafood restaurant. Where? In America, I think i think yeah where they have all the good stuff yeah it's true

yeah they got bubblegum shrimp down there um okay so you went to your in-laws in-laws island time island paradise and are you on the beach no up a hill up a hill with quite a view. And, oh, I had to walk up that hill so many times. Oh, I'm sorry. Because you kept dropping your keys down onto the beach. But the last many years, I would travel on Christmas Day. That was my big tradition was travel on Christmas Day. Flights were the cheapest but then you got married

and now now it's two she's taking it from you yeah yeah I don't get to I don't get to do my preferred Christmas which is skipping

Christmas altogether yeah oh we got sick last year we couldn't go it was delightful so this year you do what I guess is known in the industry

as two Christmases yeah two Christmases kind of the industry as two Christmases. Yeah. Two Christmases. Uh, kind of like that movie. Is that what the movie is called? Yeah. Vince Vaughn.

Yeah. Vince Witherspoon. Yeah. And the big thing on the posters that she's short and he's tall. She's standing on Christmas presents. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

I think that's what the movie was about. The difference of their heights. He was constantly walking into doorways. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I think that's what the movie was about. The difference of their heights. He was constantly walking into doorways. She was okay. She was walking into mouth holes. Um, but that means that I haven't done like Christmas morning in forever. Oh,

wow. Right. They're like waking up early kids excited that, uh, the presents are under the forever. Oh, wow. Right? They're, like, waking up early. Kids excited that the presents are under the tree. And getting up early is the one part that I was like, yeah, right. Kids love getting up early for Christmas. And it was fun. But by, like, 1 p.m., I'm done.

Yeah. I feel like I've done Mark Wolver's whole thing. Yes. Did you have snacks? Yeah there were a lot of snacks you know Scooby etc. I had the thing is like a lot of Christmas things I don't love. Like I don't

love. Jesus. You don't love the little drummer boy hate three wise men um the uh uh no like all the kind of traditional christmas foods i i don't care much for but that's what's on that's what's on offer during the holiday the snacks when does christmas morning begin okay this is a big thing yeah uh because so my do my christmas is different than graham does we just switch years this year was a abby christmas next year will be my family christmas and she was so uh she had told our children they can get up anytime they want and i was like no they can and she anytime they want. And I was like, no, they can.

And she's like, that's how we do it here. And I was like, okay. And so she told them they could get up at anytime they want, but they can't wake us up until seven. Okay. They can get up and open their stockings. Right. But no presents until seven. Okay.

And I believe that you can't do that. You can wake us up at seven and start with your stockings and then do whatever. Right. And so they woke up at 445. Okay. Well, this is much earlier than my. And woke them waking up, woke up the dogs. Oh, Jesus.

Waking up the dogs woke me up I never went back to sleep after 4.45 and but I stayed in bed till 7 to punish them and then what was yours?

Ours was quite a bit later but you know you have to factor in that there was drinking on Christmas Eve. So, you know. The kids abstained. Once again, yeah, I out-drunk the kids. But, yeah, it wasn't super early. I think it was pre-8, which is, for me, might as well be before in the morning. early i think it was pre-8 which is for me might as well before in the morning um but uh they they behaved incredibly well they weren't like freaking out they they walked up to the house which was the

main house there's a cabin down below and a damn hill and they they waited they waited until everybody was there which is like oh must have been torture for those kids. But, were they singing Christmas carols? Can you imagine? Let's wake up early and sing Christmas carols. Let's sing Once in Royal David's City.

Any requests? I saw three ships. Yeah, it was, they were incredibly well-behaved. But here's the thing. How many, two of them? Two of them. A boy and a girl. Ages?

Four and, oh, I'm going to get in trouble for not knowing this. I want to say six or seven. Okay. But very bright young kids. But the thing I specialize in as uncle is buying them a Christmas gift that is cheap, but also something that they will want to use right away. So this year it was sticky hands.

And those things, you get them in like a little pill, you put them in a glass of water, and they expand into a dinosaur and the thing with those sticky hands fun for at least an hour and then completely unusable

covered in hair but yeah a lot of fun last time I was there was a whoopee cushion it's a man give a kid a whoopee cushion then he's I would teach a man a whoopee cushion then he's uh yeah he would teach a man to whoopee cushion he'll farm for a day yeah it was very it was very civilized but that that's kind of my contribution to it

um do you have a tradition or any traditions around are you a christmasy person uh i grew up my mom was not into christmas growing up because it wasn't the thing in my family so so i would put on christmas occasionally uh when i was i drew a tree and a chimney once uh you drew it yeah i i cut together i took like you know printer paper and i taped them all together made myself a little tree because i really like nutcrackers growing up i think that's the reason why i liked christmas as a kid was because of nutcrackers i thought they were very fancy absolutely unhinged take you like not like the the objects themselves or the or the musical the objects themselves

you thought they were fancy i thought they were fancy they're very like it's true i haven't seen one in a mcdonald's or anything it is odd the the symbolism we get in christmas that's like yeah we'll do trees we'll do nutcrackers we'll do a star and we'll do a santa and but yes but yes of course the soldier style nutcracker is part of it yeah bearded guy bearded bearded fat guy but bearded nutcracker oh yeah did you uh did you have one they freaked me out they were they were in the same class as like a porcelain clown to me. Yeah. No, I didn't have one. No, but did your family have one? Kicking around?

I definitely remember cracking nuts at my uncle's house and cousins, but they didn't have that. Just go over to your uncle's house and crack some nuts. It was weird. Like as you kind of hang out after Christmas Eve dinner, you hang out in their living room. They had a Nutcracker, but not that style. Right. But there was a bowl full of nuts for you to crack. Yeah.

Yeah. Does this sound like paradise to you? No. I've never used a soldier Nutcracker before. Yeah, right. But. No one has. And using it in like a real practical Nutcracker also. Yeah, right. No one has. And using it in like a real

practical nutcracker also feels very strange. Like I've only been in one situation once in which someone had a bowl of uncracked nuts for people to eat

and I was like, I don't want to do this. Yeah, that is a real do-it-yourself. That's a lot of work to get into. Sure. What is it, a walnut?

I guess so, yeah. How about a pistachio as you're doing a little bit of work? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Yeah, you gotta yeah. Peanuts, sure. Yeah, you got to shell those peanuts. That's fun.

What were you going to say about going over to your uncle's house? That was it. They had a nutcracker. Yeah. I had something that I was going to say, but I forgot. I did a lot of that happening today. Yeah, you know what? It's all that holiday eggnog.

It's this damn Blue Monday. You know what? It's all that holiday. It's this damn blue Monday. Yeah. So it was Christmas morning achieved. And then Boxing Day, lots of puzzling. Didn't contribute to the puzzle at all. Just naps.

Yeah. And there's a hockey game on Boxing Day. Oh, yeah. The World Juniors. The World Juniors. The World Juniors. So watch the World Juniors. You know, Canada doing very well. Maybe not so much by the time this is over.

It'll be over. It'll be way over. Way over. But that's fun. That's fun to sit there and watch. There's snacks. There's lots of snacks. On Christmas Day, there's basketball.

And because Christmas Eve was on a Sunday, there was snacks. On Christmas Day, there's basketball. And because Christmas Eve was on a Sunday, there was football. Really? There was maybe even football on the Christmas Day. Shit. That's pretty good. You do, like, is, I never pay attention to the sports that are on the holidays.

Your Thanksgiving and your, uh, uh. It's, growing up, I remember they always had christmas day basketball games huh and i always thought oh that sucks it sucks so they have to they don't get to have presents yeah that's yeah except they're like million dollar pages uh but yes i always felt bad people go to the games like i guess but i you know i our family did christmas where we didn't open presents till the afternoon oh really oh that would have killed me oh my god i had to go to

church and then oh doubles double stick go and watch my cousins open their present and then i get my present from my aunt and uncle it's always the same thing what was it farsight calendar yeah uh although occasionally a uh this is a farsight calendar. Oh, perfect. That sounds lovely. Yeah. Also, occasionally a... This is a Farsight calendar a day? Yeah. Yes. They would buy me a new calendar every day. And also, maybe the ultimate gift for a nephew.

Sweater? The Guinness Book of World Records. Oh, yes. Yeah, always obsessed. I don't think a Guinness Book of World Records has been bought for anyone but a nephew in the history of the Guinness Book of World Records. That's true. Don't go over to a lot of adults' houses and see it on the shelf. I still don't understand how people can pull an airplane with their ears.

Yeah, that's a good question. Practice, practice, practice. How you get to carnegie hall is the same way um yeah i don't know how you know there's like the guy with the longest fingernails like i don't understand how he has a life like i don't understand how guy who kept his arm up for like 30 years is that real that's a guy wow i guess if you're like on that path anyways you're like i guess i might as well set the record for it uh lady with buggiest eyes i mean that she can just she she's not even trying oh i know what you're talking about though i wrote that photo with the buggy eyes. Which is, how is that a world record? Buggiest eyes?

I don't know. What do they measure it? Do they need a compass? Yeah. They measure it against the Louis Armstrong scale. Because he always had very, he had buggy eyes. Buggy cheeks. Yeah, he had buggy cheeks.

And then there's always the tallest man who had those trousers giant trousers made for him you know what i'm talking about jared from subway he was the other way he was the world's widest man no this this guy you know we all know him he has glasses and uh shoes that were made for him especially um and like he's 19 years old in that picture probably didn't live past 21 yeah yeah um he looks like an old man like an you know a mature 50 year old yeah yeah and he uh yeah he must have had like the same thing andre the giant had um charisma wrestling ability um yeah anyways that's my favorite of the world records

is tallest man um I don't like any of the things where it's like we made the world's biggest pierogi or anything like that

I don't care for that kind of stuff personal achievement that's what I'm looking for um anyways or like yeah we got the

you know 500 drummers to drum along to. Smells like teen spirit. World record. Most drummers ever to drum along to Smells Like Teen Spirit. Oh, I would love to see a marching band do Smells Like Teen Spirit. It's out there.

It's out there. Absolutely. Couldn't have called it as a youth, but there you go. Do you guys want to move on to some overheard? Sure. Sure. called it as a youth but there you go um do you guys want to move on to some overheard sure sure most of the plants humans eat are technically grass most of the asphalt we drive on is almost a liquid the formula of wd-40 is san diego's greatest secret zippers were invented by a swedish immigrant love story on On the podcast Secretly Incredibly Fascinating, we explore this type of amazing stuff.

Stuff about ordinary topics like cabbage and batteries and socks. Topics you'd never expect to be the title of the podcast. Secretly Incredibly Fascinating. Find us by searching for the word secretly in your podcast app. And at Maxim maximum fun.org i'm dan mccoy i'm stewart wellington i'm elliot calen and together we are the flop house a long running podcast on the maximum fun network where we watch a bad movie and then talk about it and because we're so long running maybe you haven't given us a chance i get it but you don't

actually have to know anything about previous episodes to enjoy us and i promise you that if you find our voices irritating we grow endearing over time perhaps you listened to one of our old episodes and decided that we were dumb and immature well we've been doing this a while now we have become smarter and more mature and generally nicer to dan but we are only human, so no promises. Find the Flophouse on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where we all are lucky enough to see or hear something and be able to share it here on the podcast. And you've called in.

You've apparently called in before. You just told us. Yeah. Are you a fan of the show? I listen to the show. You can't. Give us something. I am a fan.

I do listen to it, but I don't think I, like I said, I don't remember very many things. So I, even though like sometimes there's that weird asymmetry where you know too much about someone before they know enough about you. Tell me about it. I know nothing about you guys. Oh, good. Because I've heard all of it, but I. And you retain nothing.

You can't tell who's who. What, so you said you've called in a couple and they've both made it on the show? Yes. I only remember one of them that I called in. Once I called in about someone complaining about when she kissed someone they tasted like lettuce. I gotta tell you, I don't remember it either.

I don't remember it, but that's great. You too, listeners who call in, one day you might be a guest on the show if you pray real hard if you pray real hard at 2 30 in the morning but i never introduced myself when i called i don't think that's why graham cook didn't know your name yeah because i was like is this weird um so is this one about lettuce yeah uh this one is also about food. Okay. It's not about lettuce. Okay.

Uh, I was in a hostel in the kitchen and I was just making my own food, sort of eavesdropping on everyone else cooking their food. Which is a hostel. Okay. Sorry. Yes. Yeah.

Fine. So there was an Australian man who was very much trying to like flirt with this Canadian girl who was making her dinner. That's all we need, another Australian in this country. And they were making the same dinner. They were making pasta together. Okay. And there was a third guy, and I think the third guy was German or Dutch.

Okay. And they had finished making all their food, and the guy's telling her fun facts or whatever. I think one of them was wrong. And I was like, do I speak up? Do I interrupt? Correct this fact? You know what? Whales don't exist.

So as they were leaving to go to the eating area, they offer, they give the plate to the German guy, and they're like, hey, do you want some salt with that? And he said, no, I never have salt, because I'm worried that I'm going to get addicted to it. Because he's like, I know people, they try putting salt on food and they just always add it. And then the girl was like, because it tastes good.

Get addicted to the flavor. And then the anti-salt guy was like, when you're my age, you'll understand. How old was he? Probably the same age as them like 25 oh yeah yeah once you hit a quarter century earlier what's the cutoff in a youth hostel for the youth that's a very good question because i've stayed at some withers there's a word i think it's 30 okay i think it's 30 yeah not the one that I stayed at in London. There was an old guy.

Maybe, oh, but he might have lived there. He might have been like a guy that they let hang around because some ancient law or something that he's allowed to live there. How young are you? What's the cutoff youth-wise in a hostel? Because I stayed in the same hostel and there was a group of kids that were not being watched and they were all sitting around watching clockwork and uh yeah i felt like that was uh negligent on the part of whoever was in charge

of them teens are definitely allowed once a person running a teen tour, I was in the lobby, and there were a bunch of people that I thought were other just young people. Yeah. And then the teacher was like, are you coming with us now? Like, we've got to go now. I'm like, I don't think this is the pub crawl. Some of these kids look too young. Remember your buddy.

Okay, here we go. We've got matching, like, high viz t-shirts on uh dave do you have an overheard yeah but we haven't recorded in a while i don't remember what i've done um and so i'm going to try to give one and stop me if you've heard this before you're giving over her okay i'm serving yes serving. Yes, you're serving. Thank you. So this is, I was in Target in Bellingham, Washington. Woo! And I was in the yogurt aisle.

I was looking to see if there was any cool American eggnogs. And they couldn't find a single nog in all of Target. Really? Yeah, man. Sad state of affairs. When is nogs cut off? Because I haven't had my giant glass of Nog that I have once a year. I don't know.

I'm sure they'll sell it through Blue Monday. I have probably. That's why another reason it's so sad. No more eggnog. Yeah. Yeah. That is one of the things I was like, the hardest part of Christmas is like, you open all your presents and it's all been building up.

And then now what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It should save something for the end of the day. Um, roast beast or something like that. A fattened goose.

Well, you do, and you do eat Turkey at the end of the day. So there's that. Yeah. That's something to look for. Uh, but I was in,

I was, uh, ended up in the yogurt aisle. Um, and there were these women who were looking at Chobani yogurt. Ooh. Yeah. Chobani is a brand of yogurt. It's, um, I've had it.

It's good. But it's fancy. Yeah. I think it's fancy. I think it's fancy. Um, and there were four packs of it and then single cups. Yeah. And they were, they were the woman was like i want to get a four pack but what kind should i get and she was with like two friends and she uh

and they couldn't really suggest what for her to get she's like i know what i'll do i will uh i'll get one i'll open one and i'll taste it i'll still pay for it but i'll just eat it here in the store and her friends were like no and also why do you have a spoon on you no her friend's suggestion was no buy it and eat it in the parking lot in either case what is she eating it off a credit card or like how is she in either case like you have to be pretty sure you get it right. Otherwise, like, oh, yeah, I got the raspberry one. Oh, it's bad.

Well, OK. Oh, I have bought bad yogurt where I'm thinking like something's on sale. Not bad. Bad yogurt. No, but like fired. I ate a piece of pie last night that was well expired and uh it was fine but my stomach was really not sure that that was your amount is um yeah yogurt is uh hit or miss a lot of them will have some of them have that like diet coke artificial sweetener to them no thanks some of

them are too sour yeah i'm a i'm greek i am good for you the good for you yogurts oh man i'm greek and who am i talking to a yogurt a kind of yogurt um yes do you have it over i do and it's of the kids say the darndest, you know, like sometimes I'm sure it happens to you all the time. You're like, where the hell did they pick this up? Um, uh,

the, uh, boy of the, uh, nephew and niece, Leo is his name. He was put in charge of knocking on the door and waking us up. And,

uh, he, he came over and knocked on the door very gently, uh, opened the door and he said, and knocked on the door very gently, uh, opened the door and he said, good morning, Christmas morning. In fact,

like where the hell did he get that? Where did he get that from? Um, uh, speaking of, yeah, where did kids pick this stuff up? I know exactly where this one was picked up,

but, um, my, uh, mother-in-law was holding poppy my younger daughter and holding her in a very weird way where like an arm and a leg were coming out of the same hole and and she said oh they're both coming out of the same hole and margo my older daughter said we both came out of the hole seven years ago. Well, that's advanced. Yeah, I was like, oh yeah, that's me.

You're my daughter. That's a joke I make. Oh, that's good. Oh man, that's good. That was good stuff. Do you have any young folks in your life, nieces and nephews? Sons and daughters? Peter, Bjorn, and John. Other than the kids that I teach, no. No. My sister does Peter, Bjorn, and John. Other than the kids that I teach, no. No. My sister does not have any kids, and none of my extended family lives on this side of the ocean.

So it's just you. Just me. Yeah. You never have to wake up on Christmas morning. You'd sleep right in. I usually do. I usually do. Yeah.

Honestly, when I traveled on Christmas Day, it was the best sleep in of the year. Oh, you had no worries. You just had to get to the airport and that was it. Anyway. See, even you, the grouchiest Grinch of all, has fond Christmas memories. Yeah, sleeping out of Christmas morning is pretty good.

Last year when I was sick, that was the best. Now we also have overheard sent in to us by people all over the map. If you want to send one in, send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one comes from Tim from Vancouver. My wife and I went to the Nikkei Matsuri Japanese Festival in Burnaby a few months back. Great time, great food.

You're from Burnaby. Do you know it? I do. Oh. You've been?aby. Do you know it? I do. Oh. You've been? Yeah. My mom takes tea ceremony classes there. You learn how to play Go there.

Play Go? What is that? Go, Graham. Go. Go. Go? It's like chess, kind of, but it's like white and black stones. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Fun. Food good? This guy says the food's good. The food is really good. Great time, good food. Check it out. Do you have a Quiznos? Oh, yeah, Quiznos. The best that ever did it.

As we were pulling into the parking lot, there were two teens working the parking lot that were directing cars and collecting donations. A third teen wearing one of those sandwich board signs walks up to them and goes, yo, check me out. Oh, I am absolutely dripped from head to toe.

New sign, new me. Wow. Yeah. That's a guy who loves his job. Kid had a little speech prepared wearing a sandwich board. Oh man. As a kid, if I got to wear a sandwich board, I Wearing a sandwich board. Oh, man. As a kid,

if I got to wear a sandwich board, I would have been beyond thrilled. Or held a point like an arrow. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Doing spins, you know? Do you think you would have been able to master the spins?

I don't think so, but I'd try. I'd spend a lot of my time trying. Yeah, I usually master the spins after about eight drinks. Master of the spins. This next one comes from, this is Andre, parts unknown. There was a, this is for, from a long time ago, from the pandemic. There was a music store on my street using a speaker to communicate with customers outside for contactless pickups.

Oh, God. That was the god, that was the worst. It was the worst. Oh, I had to buy a TV that way. My TV broke like very early in the pandemic and I was like, I'm absolutely not waiting. I'll risk my life if they get another television. Because there's no TV

in my laundry area in my building, you see. Some people just live a charmed life. In your laundry area, you had to keep six feet apart from each other. Yeah, that's true.

You could never mingle and you'd never hug anybody. So there was a music store on my street using a speaker to communicate with customers outside for contactless pickups. One day I was walking by

on the opposite side of the street. I saw a man standing outside and heard loudly over the speaker It's declined! Oh no! Oh yikes! Oh, uh, I don't think he's talking about me. I don't know who he could be talking about.

I'm some kind of loser. Oh, he's talking about, you know, the sheet music I'm buying because the notes keep going down. They're declining. I didn't know they sold sheet music here. Oh, yeah, they got it in the back. A lot of music stores.

The only time I went to a music store during the pandemic was to buy podcasting equipment for you to record at your house. That's right. I'm sure they cleaned up on that stuff. Oh my God. Yeah. It's, uh, it was like,

um, Purell, uh, Zoom, just like, Oh, it came out like swinging. And,

uh, you know, I don't know. Probably they're supposed to both doing well still. I don't know. Yeah. Uh, I,

I, I still Purell. Yeah, sure. Every day. Two 30 in the I, I, I still Purell. Yeah, sure. Every day. Two 30 in the morning, I wake up. Purell your old buddy.

Uh, this last one comes from Andrea in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. This is an overheard of the kids say the darndest variety. I was at home with my husband and our six year old daughter. We were joking around. So I told my daughter pretend to be dad and she stopped suddenly reached waist pockets, and yelled, oh, shit, where are my keys? Pretty good.

Good impression of the dad. Has your kids, they master, I guess, kind of that whole thing with the impression of you. Yeah, I don't know. How would you impersonate your dad? Hey, kids, let's get ready to go. And then everybody's sitting in the car. He's like, I just got to put up one more shingle on the roof.

That would be my impression of my dad. Uh, and I think you would agree that it's apt. Yeah. For me, it would be when he hits a, uh, bad tennis shot.

Oh, Donald mad at himself when you're mad at yourself do you have do you cause I say ugh Clark but do you have

something like that when I'm mad at myself yeah do you is there a catch is there a phrase stupid

stupid stupid or do you just I think I just call myself... I'm just like, Anta, you're a fucking idiot. Anta, you fucking idiot. Harsh.

Too harsh on yourself. When I'm mad at myself, I actually try to, you know, offer myself a little bit of grace. And I say, you know what? You can do this. Yeah.

Try again. In front of students, I'll be like, sorry guys, I'm a huge dum-dum. Dum-dum is good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a huge dum-dum. Dum-dum is good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm a huge dum-dum is good. Sorry guys, I suck. I'm so not slay. Okay. In addition to our rehearsals that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spy pod one.

Like these people have. Hello Dave and Graham and probable guests. This is Michael calling in with an overheard. This evening I popped my head into my son's room as my wife was putting him to sleep. He is four. And the last thing that he said before nodding off was, Mom, birds only have one hole. So when they're peeing, they're also pooping. Yep. That's just a feature of birds I thought you should know. Yeah.

Cloaca. Happy New Year, guys. Yeah thought you should know. Yeah. Cloaca. Happy New Year, guys. Yeah. Happy New Year as well. Um, yeah.

Cloaca. Cloaca. Isn't that, uh, one of the words in the old Batman series that would come up on the screen when they were fighting. Yeah. I did know that about birds, but I didn't know it for years.

I only found out that as an adult that, uh, do you like birds? I wanted a seagull as a kid. You wanted a seagull? I was like a pal. Like you wanted a pet seagull or just a seagull that would come around and hang out with you? I think I wanted a seagull that came around and hung out with me.

Because I knew I didn't want a seagull. Because we lived in an apartment. There's no way you could keep a seagull in an apartment. No. Did you have a balcony? We did. Okay. Which is also what I was confused on whether Santa could come through balconies or not. Magic. He's got magic. Don't worry about it.

Which is why I drew the chimney for him. Oh. Draw a chimney for him. Leave the sliding door unlocked. I just thought I wanted one that met you outside. Which I guess could be a pet some pets you just sort of meet outside right? yeah

sure like there's people that feed the same crow every day the old maintenance woman from my building she feeds the same crow comes around every day

so you could have done that could have but nowadays I don't like birds anymore really? soured on them? I just get a little, I get squeamish when they flutter over me.

It sort of just does that weird ducking movement. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I like birds. I'm pro bird. I think they're cool. I like them in a cage. Gotta be caged.

Yeah. All right, here's your next phone call. I think I have the wrong number. I don't know who's Dave or Graham or I was looking for Mike Mitchell. My bad. Alright.

Alright. Maybe try the Doughboys podcast. Okay, next phone call. Hello Dave, Graham, and possible guests, and happy holidays. I was just in the grocery store grabbing some stuff, and I overheard a woman who seems to be, like, I don't know, 30, asking a man who I don't think spoke English, is there a difference

between cinnamon and sugar? I thought that was funny. Yeah, well, one helps the medicine go down. I go, ooooh. Good delivery on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On a citizenship test.

We got the results back and boy, did you blow it saying cinnamon was better. Cinnamon and sugar, yeah, there's a difference. Yeah. They go well together, though. Oh, yeah.

When I was a kid, all I wanted to eat was cinnamon toast crunch. Never got it, though. Never? No, I think I got it at my friend Cody's house. Did you ever have it as an adult? Yeah, I think I got it at my friend Cody's house. Did you ever have it as an adult?

Yeah, I think I did, maybe in my 20s, and I think it was too much. Oh, yeah, and they're going hard. They have Cinnamon Toast Crunch Minis now, which are tiny balls. Oh, my God. They now have, in December, they had Gingerbread Toast Crunch. Jesus Christ. They had French Toast Crunch. We've had a few other variations as well.

Toast Crunch. Yeah. Why a few other variations as well. Toast Crunch. Yeah. Why don't they sell cinnamon sugar? It's the easiest thing to make. Yeah, but lots of things at the store are easy to make. That's true. But they sell it to you anyways. Like Sriracha mayo.

You could just buy Sriracha and mayo separately. I do. That is true. Yeah. But yeah, they'll sell you both. Because I would eat the shit out of cinnamon sugar if they just sold it. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's probably to keep you from not doing that.

Keep you from doing that. Here's a question. How, is there, is there a place to buy small amounts of mayonnaise or ketchup or mustard? Like packets? Like packets or a little bottle. Oh, like a little,

like a hotel bottle? Like a nip that you can buy at the liquor store at the checkout because uh not all the time when i'm on the the road or whatever i don't want to buy like a full thing of mustard and they should sell it in the section of the drugstore that has like travel size oh that would be exactly perfect that's exactly what I'm thinking of

just like cause yeah little shampoo little mustard yeah little mustard little french's mustard that's a good idea well

cause those are shelf stable too you don't have to worry about them until you open them up oh yeah yeah oh my god I did a stupid thing

yesterday what we had two jars of spaghetti sauce yeah Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. I did a stupid thing yesterday. What? We had two jars of spaghetti sauce. Yeah. And one was already open and in the fridge, and I opened the one that wasn't already open. Yeah.

I was at a coffee shop where they had mushroom soup in a jar, but not in a fridge. And this was a coffee shop? This was a coffee shop that had mushroom soup in a jar. Can I get a mushroom soup latte? What was being sold next to it? What's that? What was next to it? Nothing.

It was on a shelf by itself. It was on like a little mini shelf. And I was just like, it can't be shelf stable. There's no way. It's just a jar, you know? There's cream in there, right? If I know mushroom soup. Good soup.

One of the top. Yeah, one of the most mushroom-y. And your final phone call. Hey, Graham, Dave. Hey. Cool guest. Hey. I am at a local craft and vendor fair right now in beautiful Billings, Montana. This is Chandra

and I just walked past a guy that was selling, like, vintage toys and, like, American Girl dolls. And some women were admiring the doll. And he said, Oh, yeah, if she doesn't sell, I think I'm going to do something pretty creepy with her. And I couldn't handle it.

Love you guys. Thanks. Off I go. Wow, you guys didn't like that. Oh, yuck. Well, like maybe, yeah. Throw it in front of a car and try to collect insurance money. Yeah. Or you can make one of those art cars. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, wasn't there one around here that was just gross? Yeah, it was like a zombie car. Yeah. But it left out in the rain. Yeah. Here was just gross. Yeah. It was like a zombie car, but it left out in the rain. Yeah. Here's a question. And I don't know if either of you would know this. There's a car that's been parked on the street near my house since I moved to

the neighborhood. So it's been there for several years, flat tires covered in moss. Is there something you can call about that? It'd be like, Hey, come on guys. This is a,

well, you can report it to the city on the app on the app yeah and they'll put a thing on the window that says hey move your car oh it's not a ticket okay but um because like on the street too you know where they did like gutter cleaning yeah there's leaves still under it it sucks because they only gutter clean one day yeah and it's just like it's the most unsightly usually it wouldn't care but this is just like nobody has driven it ever and then there's also i mean one thing i like to do you can search anyone's um uh parking tickets you can yeah because you can go pay like the way you you pay parking tickets on the city website you just you can put in your um credit card number yeah or not your no your license plate number oh and then um and then i'll tell you outstanding tickets outstanding tickets

of any license plate that you find and because there was someone in my neighborhood who was like living in their car oh yeah and they were like uh i think they were talking to my father-in-law and like yeah i've got you know i've got these parking tickets i'll never be able to pay them and i was like maybe it was christmas time and i was like maybe i will do something nice for this stranger and i went to the website and they owed like three thousand dollars and. And I was like, I can't do it. I can't make a dent in this. But for a brief moment,

I was like, I'm going to, yeah, like really help this person out of a hole. I'm going to pay this forward. Oh, it was so deep. So deep, too deep.

Well, that brings us to the end of this episode. Ante, this is so much fun to have you here. Thank you for being a guest. Thank you guys very much for having me. And,

you know, keep drawing those chimneys and trees and whatnot. That one minute where you're hosting and you're like, oh,

Graham doesn't know. Was there something he was trying to promote? No, no, there was nothing. Just trying, trying things that you wish were in your place. doesn't know was there something he was trying to promote no no there was nothing just trying trying things

that you wish were in your place and thank you everybody out there for listening we're sorry that it's blue Monday

but it just means that Valentine's Day is all that much closer so come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.