Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 827 - Pat Kelly

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

Comedian Pat Kelly returns to talk the Champ, Jurassic Park, and packing strategy.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 827 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who he preemptively took off a sweater because he knew he was going to be warm in here. But I feel like that's the last layer he's able to strip down to. But I could be wrong about that, Mr. Dave Shumka. What do you wear? Do you wear an undershirt? Sometimes I do wear an undershirt, especially if it's this this time tomorrow when it's super cold i'll be wearing an

undershirt okay but you won't strip down to it uh you know it depends on what happens sure what could happen uh strip poker i like to start with very little clothes on strip poker just undershirt and underwear i do yeah i like to do my strip poker on the coldest day of the year so I can get some, you know, so I don't have to show off too much too soon. I can lose a few hands and still be in my flannels. What do you do when you're, like, down to naked at strip poker? I guess you... Do you try and get, do you get to put things back on if you win? Is strip poker, like, is there any reason to put things back on if you win? Does strip poker...

Is there any reason to do it other than to have sex? My friend's co-ed in high school did it. I don't think any of us were having sex. Why did you... Did you do it? Yeah, yeah. Did you get naked? No, I got down to boxers and socks.

You were allowed to use one sock each as an item. I think, I can't imagine doing it without being like, okay, this was fun, but now let's have sex. You got to really set the stage. Which is kind of humiliating. Yeah, I mean, you know, teens, you can't control your uh yourself your physicality what it wants to do on its own as an adult i can't control it oh me i've got it down i meditate on it yeah yeah i say up boy down boy that's it that's it yeah that usually does the trick. Okay. I mean. Our guest today, return guest to the podcast, so funny, is one half of This Is That that's going to be playing in the Vancouver Just For Laughs Festival at the Mighty Vogue Theater.

It's Pat Kelly, everybody. Gentlemen. Hello. Hello. Welcome. At the Vogue for now. The Vogue for now. Let's preface it for now. You know what's weird? Gwar's playing at the Vogue for now The Vogue for now Let's preface it

For now You know what's weird? Gwar's playing at the Vogue They still a thing? Were? Yeah They're gonna be a thing Until the end of time

I thought I saw a thing That they weren't a thing anymore Their lead singer passed away Maybe that's what it was 10 years ago Yeah Was it? Yeah

And then they didn't miss a date They like He passed away on a Monday They had a show that night Is Gwar Canadian? No Okay Was the lead singer Canadian? He might have been Yeah miss a date they like he passed away on a monday they had a show that night is squire canadian no okay was the lead singer canadian he might have been yeah and then my family i bought my well let's get to know us get to know us oh my gosh we're people are on the edge of their seats that you bought your family something i bought my brother

and my sister-in-law tickets to go see guar in calgary and in calgary they're playing at a night club but here they're playing at the vogue which seems like a weird choice for a show that's use blood all over the audience and causes right doesn't that seem like a weird pick can i ask a few questions about guar yes please do you like them for the music or is it like what is the guar song sound like i don't even know it's the kind of like you know the type of heavy metal that's like is it like hair no it's more like uh no like anvil yeah closer to anvil but like songs about like intergalactic things and fantasy like rather than like get into my hot rod yeah let's go for a drive it's like

intergalactic planetary planetary intergalactic my son's favorite song oh really good taste oh well he might be aging out of that pretty soon. True. Any other questions about GWAR? First it was about the music, but then it was also about, that's the thing, it's like they just, it's like a show interactive kind of thing.

Yeah, it's like. Now they do the blood and now the thing happens. They have, yeah, giant puppets and things that they decapitate. Yeah, but like at a big theater and they just tour with one-sized giant puppet. They don't have

like their small cabaret set. Yeah, that's... They have a guy that travels with them that's their blood guy. He has like, he's in charge of the tank and making sure that everything's hooked up properly. Actual third question.

And then I'll stop. No, no, no. Does the world know who Gwar is? They're all masked. Yes. Do they have personalities? Like, is there Gene Simmons of Gwar? It's like a guy goes on, like, The View, and is like, it's the guy from Gwar.

The Gwar of The View. What's coming with Gwar? Oh, it's interesting. He doesn't have his makeup on. No, he... But he's got a new line of submarine sandwiches yeah yeah yeah called palumbos palumbos yeah which also you're gonna love them where are they from they're from uh like you mean origin of the band's like city where do they live uh that i don't know

that so we don't know what part of the war the guys from guar we don't know if they drop their makeup and they just like hey it's it's dean from guar that's funny that's like yeah because it's a kind of thing that you're like oh yeah they're part of we're part of the omaha music scene exactly it's like everyone else is just a band like they're monsters they always talk about um what is it built is it built to spill who's like boise or something? No. Yeah. Anyway. They had Twin Falls, Idaho. Yes.

Yes. Anyway. But yeah, I'm wondering if GWAR is like, oh, it's the GWAR guys. Guys, I'm going to look up GWAR. Now, here's the other thing about GWAR. My brother mostly knew who they were from the movie Empire Records. Okay. Where the band GWAR talks directly to one of the employees through

a television and tells him to come to the show. What I'm also interested in is that if anybody listening here

has no idea who Guar is, this has been a colossal waste of time. Okay, that's true. They were

formed, guess what year they were formed? 1979. I'm going to say 1990. 1984. 1984. So right in between. I'm going to say 1990. 1984.

1984. So right in between. In Richmond, Virginia. Ah, there you go. And the lead singer who passed away, Dave Brocky, Odorous Orungus. Odorous Orungus, yeah. Did he own a sandwich shop in Virginia? He didn't, but he was a spokesperson for a chain of them. But he was from Ottawa.

This is where the Canadian thinking comes from. Yeah. Okay. So if you don't know what GWAR is, also like one of those spin doctors is from Canada too. Is that true? I think so. Could you guys not do some bonus episodes

where you just like go through all of GWAR and talk about it? We are desperate for ideas for bonus episodes. I thought you were going to say the name of those bonus episodes would be called We Are Guar. We Are Guar. Oh yeah, We Are Guar is pretty good. But we aren't guar. We're not claiming to be guar.

No, but we're part of the guar army. You ever see guar gum listed as an ingredient? Yep. Mostly on what? Like where would you see a gum? as an ingredient? Yeah. Mostly on what? Like where would you see a gum? I guess I'm thinking gum. Do you think when they're writing songs, does the bass player say to the guitar player,

it's now time for a guatoir solo? Yes, they do think that. Right. It's time for a guar tar solo. Guar tar solo. Guar tar solo. Yeah. Do you, have you seen them live? No, but I'm thinking of going, Guar Tar Solo. Guar Tar Solo. Guar Tar Solo. Um, yeah. Do you, have you seen them live?

No, but I'm thinking of going, but I just thought the Vogue was a weird. Where are they playing? Um, I don't know. Maybe the Vogue. Why is it weird to, because describe the Vogue, why it would be weird. Too big? You want to see them in a mini arena. Yeah, well, exactly.

Oh, exactly. You want to see them at the Agridome. Yeah, I want it to be like, because yeah, the Vogue's like a historic venue that has, it's like all the stuff has been redone and the interior is really nice. It's not really nice. It's nice enough. Yeah, it's nice enough. But maybe too nice for GWAR?

Okay, I have my fourth and final question. Go on. Does GWAR have like a continuing, like do they continue to put out new music where you're like, the new GWAR album is awesome? Or is it a catalog of like 30 songs where you're like, that's GWAR. That's something we're going to cover on We Are GWAR.

Right. Coming this fall. Oh, no, this winter. Go to MaximumFun.org slash join, and you can hear our upcoming series, We Are Guar. It's not an extra series like we did with Mr. Bean. No, we're not doing all of them, but we are going to do, it's going to be quite an episode. We're going to go dig deep on Guar. Find out if they own a sandwich shop shop if any of them have been on the

view what so yeah what as themselves or otherwise i think the vogue is a it's not like a playhouse where they just do you know fancy things yeah i've seen everything from you catch a rock and roll their show seats go in and out yeah i'veen and it's that kind of place sometimes they take the Seats up comedy shows Seats are in what For guar no for You oh for us yeah seats are in Okay okay very sleepy I've seen Uh Umoja the African dance show

Oh yes yeah I've seen Penn and Teller Seems like the right place for although I would have thought Penn and Teller would have been a more right place for Patent and Teller. Although I would have thought Patent and Teller would have been more of a Queen Elizabeth size crowd. Not in 1995. Okay. Yeah. I think the Vogue is also doing kind of TED Talk things now.

I went by there and I was like, is that a band? And I Googled it and it was like some tech expert. He also has a blood guy. Yeah. Wait, did you see a TED Talk by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard? Oh, that's who it was, yeah. What is that? I think it's a band.

Did Dr. Dogs do a TED Talk? Is that also a band? Yeah. That's exactly who plays the Vogue. My first ever, no, my second ever concert, the Spirit of the West at the Vogue. Nice. Free tickets.

You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best. Is that their, that's their head? That's the only thing I know about them is that song. I mean, this was when their album

Faith Lift came out. They had If Venice is Sinking. Hey, I think I know that. No. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I know that one. Yeah. The, now, did they play the big song as their encore? I don't,

I don't know. I didn't know any of their music. I got free tickets from winning a radio contest. What did you have to do to win? I think it was Rock 101. They used to do a thing where you had to play elevator music of classic rock songs. And you had to guess. Do those still exist?

Radio contests? Yes. Oh, yes. Radio stations just giving away money. Yeah. Mis-economests? Yes. Oh, yes. Radio stations just giving away money. Yeah. This economy? Yeah. Money, tickets, those are the two things.

We listen to Zed 95 in the morning, and they do two things. They do- Z? 95? They do alpha bucks, where you have to name 10 things. It's like a rapid fire 30 second. You have to answer 10 things with the they give you, it's like a rapid fire 30 second. Um, you have to answer 10 things with the same starting letter.

Yeah. Uh, your letter is, uh, uh, seed. It's a, a small animal. Cat.

Uh, what you sit in. Chair. That kind of thing. Yeah. And then they also do ZFX where they play a sound effect and you, you have, this goes on for weeks. Oh, right. People call in trying to guess play a sound effect. This goes on for weeks.

Oh, right. People call in trying to guess what the sound effect is. It's a draw. Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing. It's a cartoon character getting all heated up. Up boy. Up boy. Up boy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Creak. Creak. This is all one sound effect yeah it's a guy he's accidentally electrocuted himself he's walking through a door

he hits his head the door's too short he hits his head his friend is gargling in the other room yes did I get it? not in the right amount of time

oh shit so the spirit of the west tickets slipped out of my head oh no i know what that one is have you ever won anything from the radio uh no but i got on a um i got on a uh complaining about your hockey team show once and it was uh i got i was way more nervous than i thought it was like post-game show right driving in the car well you know why you're nervous because everyone who calls it of those shows is an idiot i hope i don't sound like an I thought it was like post game show. Right. Driving in the car. Well, you know why you were nervous? Because everyone who calls it at those shows is an idiot.

I hope I don't sound like an idiot. But they also sound, they also, you, you live with the, the sound of those, those, uh, people being the hosts of those shows. And so you think you're familiar with them. And then when they get on with them, you realize they, they come across kind of bossy. Right. And you get a little intimidated by their like sternness. Like, okay, now we got Pat. What's your problem? And you're like,

I just don't think Ryan Smith is going to score 30 goals. I don't like how we played tonight and I think there's a problem with the hockey. Get off my phone. Yeah. That's the only time I've ever talked on a phone inin radio.

Well, Pat, that's not exactly true, because you hosted a show on CBC for many years where you played characters who called in. But that doesn't make me nervous. No, because it wasn't live. Being on an FM radio show would make me nervous. Yeah, because also, you don't know how nice the people are. You just hear them doing their thing.

Maybe they're really curt with people that don't you know make like when they you know it's some receptionist at some like loading dock warehouse who listens to this show every day yeah and it's like just loyal to the music loyal to the host loyal loyal to the contest. Yeah. My mother would listen to Dr. Laura. Oh, I listened to Dr. Laura. And then she would just keep the radio. Dr. Laura was a horrible woman. Horrible woman. Parenting advice.

Single or syndicated show. And she was, yeah, she was awful, but so fun to listen to. And then, but then my mom would just listen to everything on that station. Oh yeah. And so, so it would be Art Bell in the middle of the night. And, uh, this woman called Dr. Joy Brown, my, one of my, the highlights of my life. What did Joy, what was her thing? She was just like a health, like a physician.

Oh, okay. People would call it and be like, yeah, yeah. One of my boobs is bigger than the other. You send in measurements. That kind of radio doesn't exist anymore, does it? I don't know. My mom was, so as of like. What, talk radio? Yeah, but to that extent.

Like, wouldn't it be just all podcasts now? But the people calling in are. Also, you just go, like, you get in your car if you don't have serious or whatever, you just turn on. Yeah. Talk, whatever. A few years ago, my mom, like, you get in your car if you don't have Sirius or whatever, you just turn on. Yeah. Talk, whatever. So, a few years ago, my mom was like, and she discovered podcasts,

my mother, and she was. By way of this one? I think so. And then she was listening. Oh, Dr. Joy has a podcast. And then a few, you know, after listening to it for a couple of years, she's like, it's not updating Dave. There's a problem with my podcast.

The Dr. Joy podcast won't update. And I Googled and she died. Don't know how to tell you. Dr. Heal thyself. Was it a, was it a, um, an interesting cause of death?

No, no, she wasn't. She choked on her microphone. The Dr. Laura show. She had a catchphrase that everybody that called in would say off the top of the call,

which was, uh, hi, Dr. Laura, I'm my kid's mom. And then they'd go on the, because she said, there's like, once you have a kid, that's my kid's mom. And then they'd go on the, because she said there's like,

once you have a kid, that's all you should be. You should only be a mom. There's no career, no things outside of the house. You're a mom. That's your job. Well, I don't know if it was only, but that's my first credit. And it was parenting. I remember Dr. Laura, but I don't really remember.

No, it was kind of like some of it was. Just life stuff? Life stuff and advice and yeah. So what was she a doctor in? Oh, nothing. It was bony baloney. One of those you can just legally put DR. Yeah, she was like a, you know, had a PhD in kinesiology. Not a PhD.

Had a degree of some sort. Maybe, yeah. I want to start this. Let's start one of these. Yeah, Dr. Pat. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I want to start this. Let's start one of these. Yeah, Dr. Pat. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Dr. Pat.

What's your hard line stance? Like, what am I trying to fix? Men. Yeah, men. I'm trying to fix men. Now, in what direction are we in? Let's just take some calls. Okay.

Let's take some calls. Caller, got Graham on the line? Hi, Pat. Hi. Start with the phrase, please. Oh, hi, Pat. I don't take the phrase, please. Oh, hi, Pat. I don't take no shit. There we go.

Um, I... From? From no one. Yourself. Yeah, that's right. I don't take no shit from no one and myself. Great. Um, I have two different sized boobs and I'm not sure what to do about it.

What are you eating? Uh, a wet sub. Well, that'll do it. And that's another man fixed. On my left side, I eat a wet sub, and on my right side, I eat oatmeal. That's another man fixed.

Uh, hello, Pat? Yes. Start with the phrase, please. Saturdays are for the boys. And? And Jesus. Yes. Uh, yeah, um, I got a Saturdays are for the boys And And Jesus Yes Uh yeah

Um I got a problem Can you just call me Dr. Pat Dr. Pat Yes Yes Uh Uh

My wife is Uh She looms large Uh She's sort of a puppet master Around here And I mean literally She got me tied up to strings

Let me ask you this are you is your life feel better because of this uh no no no no no then what do we always say get out of there okay off i go same catchphrase as that oh man that was good that was good is that's good uh is that a good catchphrase for get out of there yeah but like elongated i love it what's and that's uh is that how dr pat signs off for the the show or what's the sign off like that's get out of here is your command to your uh you're making it sound like get her done first of all oh sorry get out of get out of there means like it's no more fight. Right. Only flight.

This is how men need to be. Always running. That's flight. Flight. Get out of there. Adrenaline should only give you the flight. Run from everything. I used to listen to Tom Likas from Time to Time, who was a big

early men's rights activist. He had Likas 101, which was how to get the most tail for the least money. Oh, Jesus Christ. Really? Least money. What you want to do is get some cheap vodka and put it in some

Orange Crush. If she's not putting out on the first date get out of there but I remember he um a guy called in

and said so I'm dating this woman and he goes you mean porking uh yes sorry I mean porking

what do I say what do I always say we don't use dating yeah we're not talking dating you're either screwing or you're porking. What do I say? What do I always say? We don't use dating. Yeah, we're not talking dating. You're either screwing or you're porking. Those are the two options. And if you're not?

Yeah. And he had an initiative called Flash Friday where he would want women to flash men on the highway on Friday. There's another pile up on the 402. Was he a stand-up comic originally? No. Tom. I remember this name, Tom Lakers. Yeah. Oh, there's another pile up on the 402. Was he a stand-up comic originally? No. Tom. I remember this name, Tom Lakers. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. And then to end the call, people would say, blow me up, Tom. And he would play an explosion sound effect. That's pretty funny. And then he ended up having so many sound effects that they would be like, blow me up robot style. Where did you hear this? It was on the same so there was a talk radio channel i feel like going back to the uh contest too like sound effects i feel like there was an era of radio where they were just amazed that they had a library of sound effects yeah and it was like

you mean we can use all of these for whatever we want. We don't have to pay to use Stewie every time. Yeah. Yeah, we signed off a license of Stewie. Because even those like morning zoo shows, they just overdid it with all that. Like it was like literally that those were the years this came out. When you. Technology came out. We're growing up.

Yes. Was Jerry Forbes the man in town in Calgary? Classic rock. Classic rock. CJ Classic rock CJ92 He had a wicked mullet Like a real buzzed on top Long flowing mullet And this may be lore

Do you remember the champ I think that's from Calgary too I think Jerry Forbes was the champ And that was syndicated And that was Jerry Forbes I thought it was Bro Jake. Maybe. Maybe what?

It was somebody... It was a radio DJ. Yeah. And it got syndicated to like every rock station in the world. How would you even describe it for somebody that hasn't heard the champ? It's like... It's a guy... It was a guy...

It was one of these guys, and they just turned down the bass in his voice like crazy. Or turned up the bass. Turned up the bass, I mean. And it was like, he would, it was always the same joke. It was a monologue. A monologue about coming home and misinterpreting somebody saying something about his wife. Yeah. And then he would describe punching this person.

And I just lose it. describe punching this person and i just lose it i give him up to the solar plex and down on the thing and he goes out and he's flat unconscious and ever since i've been the champ yeah how's that you know how's that how are your mom's lemons doing for you yeah yeah that's that squeeze your lemon it was like it was like literally like so i'm at the grocery store and a guy comes up to me and he says, champ, I saw your wife's lemons. I gave him a squeeze. I said, pardon me? I said, pardon me? He says, I saw your wife and I squeezed your lemons.

I lose it. I had to fake them. I had to fake them. And this would be on the radio like every day. Yeah. And people as a kid couldn't get it. They also should play like a minute of standup sometimes. Uh, I don't know.

I just remember like Jerry force being of the very like pseudo shock, jock, lots of sound effects, lots of twisted tunes. Yeah. And of course the champ ever since I've been the champ. I remember this is so that's exactly. Cause when I was about the age where we just thought that was the funniest thing. The best thing. I says pardon.

And then he would repeat it again. I saw your wife. Mind you, if someone says I squeezed your wife's lemons. I would say pardon. No, no, but like be the writer for this guy. How does it really just misdirect the squeeze of lemons? So I saw your wife at the grocery store. She's looking at some.

No, no, it would be like, she's looking at buying some cabbage. I said, sorry, you should buy these lemons. I give them a squeeze. No, it's not working. It's getting worse. I think it was good the way it was. Yeah, I squeezed a little. But then you'd have to come up with, like, one every week or whatever.

There's somebody that has a file folder of 400 of these. I hope so. Can I Google it? Who's the writer of the champ? You know what? It might be Brojack. I can see it being Brojack. He's not around anymore, right?

Is he still with us here on this plane? But it did get less clever over time. Yeah. It did get down to just like, a guy came up to me and said, I screwed your grandma. I said, pardon? Me and your grandma are porking. You're dating, you mean. Yes, Brojack was the champ.

He was the champ. And was Brojack your Jerry Forb? No, boy. I think ours were Larry and Willie. Oh, Larry and Willie. That was more of a, that wasn't classic rock. That was a modern rock station. And mine was always classic. Yeah, it was.

And I remember there being, cause like at the, at that time DJs would be at a, at a premium. Like somebody that's like a household name. Yeah. At that time, DJs would be at a premium. Like somebody that's like a household name. Yeah. So they signed a contract with him where they cleared up all his debt and bought him a house. That's how they kept it. Because he was going to go to Toronto or something. He was going to go on to another station.

Got to keep Jerry. So there's a YouTube channel of the champ. Oh, okay. Excellent. Of just all of them? Apparently. Let's just have a listen here this is a verbo is for sure ad for verbo okay which is where you've been squeezing my wife's lip verbo hey everybody it's me the champ ever since i've been losing it been out of

my mind been crazy been been really really really really in pain with my teeth I've had a lot of problems with my teeth lately and you know you've probably heard every one of them me going to the dentist and you know I never I never believed in the tooth fairy until I've seen my dentist walk right anyway he comes over to me would we go He says, champ, would you like some nitrous oxide? I said, well, I'm not into drugs, right? I don't like the drugs I don't like the gas thing, right?

He said, I gotta give you the needle, champ You're a big, tough boy I remember when you fought Liston, right? You fought Liston He went down He snapped You get back up And he hit you so many times

I couldn't believe the pain you could take I said doc Tell me how much pain. I'm gonna feel he said well you might feel a small prick in your mouth I Said hard I said pardon. He said you might feel a small prick in your mouth Well I lose it I snap I grabbed the nitrous oxide, I lose it. I snap. I grab the nitrous oxide. I put it right on his face. He's laughing. He's just laughing. He's floating around the room.

Here comes the double hammerhead scissor kick to the groin. Right. I hit him so many times on the right he was begging for a lift. Put him down on the dentist chair. Spun him around. He was still still laughing I stopped him with my big number 12 oh right there on the ground I said how's that pal does that look like I'll feel a small prick in my mouth enough for you ever since I've been the jab syndicated

across the country everywhere yeah every kids. Every kid's favorite. And you know what? Exactly as I remember. Exactly. I says what? I says, there was, was there any like local sketch comedy on TV? Uh, there was a show.

I feel like in Calgary. Yeah. On Shaw TV that had, I don't remember the name of the comedian, but it was kind of like a funny, silly kind of sketch show. Cause we had, sorry, we had, uh, almost live, which was a Seattle sketch show. Yes. That was on preempted Saturday night live live every week right so saturday night live only started at midnight here and it would have that kind of like repeatable sketch like we'd like they'd do uh mind your manners with billy kwan okay it was a um like a badly dubbed kung

fu thing okay they would do sounds potential to be, uh, something, uh, racist. Oh, definitely. Uh, but it had like a cool thing where like, uh,

Billy Kwan would, would do a big, like a flying jump kick that would follow the John Keister around. And like, there would be two feet in front of the camera. That's pretty good. Pretty good for a local show. Uh,

and then they had the high five and White Guys. Oh yeah. They had Speed Walker starring Bill Nye, a speed walking superhero. And the Lame List. It was just a bunch of headbangers calling things lame. Oh, okay. Did any of these people go on

to further? Bill Nye. Beyond the scientists. Joel McHale. Joel McHale. Okay, this is where he was from. Yeah. And that's it. That's it. I think those are the,

yeah. No, Rainn Wilson feels like he may have been around this. No. Yeah. Where did Rainn Wilson come from?

Seattle, I thought. Yeah? Yeah. It's part of the grunge scene, right? Yeah. He was in Nirvana. The Baha'i grunge scene.

I always forget that there was extra members in Nirvana. Yeah, it was those three guys in Rainnvana. The Baha'i grunge scene. I always forget that there was extra members in Nirvana. Yeah, it was those three guys and Rainn Wilson. Rainn Wilson and Pat Smear. Yeah, Pat Smear was there. And who was their opening band back then? Oh, back then? Yeah. Nirvana's opening band? Yeah.

They toured. It was almost live. It was almost live live. Yeah. Years ago when we took this podcast, we went to the Bumbershoot Festival. We had John Keister, who was the star of Almost Live as our guest. And he was great. And did he, is he still doing sketch comedy? I think he was teaching at the Art Institute or something. Yeah, he was teaching comedy.

We had, you may have this show out here too but this is do you remember one called let's go yep which was improv right it was like kids like yeah on like drama blocks and like wearing t-shirts this is like the first time i've thought about this yeah so many years and it was i think it was improv though it'd be like there was like a woman who was kind of the host and she'd like get the kids to like play act but i remember that it was like a cable we had some weird like it wasn't some weeks it seemed like a drama show and other weeks it seemed like a sketch comedy show and it had devin sawa and sarah chalk and a few other, um, like. Like, oh, okay.

So like people. Young local actors who grew into, uh, professionals, but I couldn't tell you anything about it. I think they shot it at my brother's high school. What was it called? I don't know. We had a game show too. That was, um, uh, kid street. Yeah. I think we've talked about this yeah who was the host again kevin

kevin frank kevin frank uh there was also a show that was shot out here did you ever go on kid street my brother and i we tried out for it i think we we had we had i'm trying to remember the particulars of we had worked out a way to cheat like by

we wanted to was it like a tap his leg if it was right or so because you sat in a bumper car yeah it was like and it was a game show for siblings was it like yeah was the format like the newlywed game a question about your sibling yes oh yeah one sibling would leave yeah the other one would uh you know get their opinion on did he say this what's his you know what his favorite class? And what does he do to avoid homework? And then they would come back on, see how well they met. If they made it through that round

to get into the final, they had to do a, I think it was called a rebus? Where's the, weirdest place you and your sibling have made whooping? In the butt, Kevin. But the most memorable part of it is that they made the kids clap in the most awkward of ways you had to put your head to have your hands over your head and it was like yeah but it was

iconic yeah you know branding yeah yeah there was one from out here called acting crazy yeah which was charades yes and it was just on like a white set with with wayne quack now forgive me forgive me for uh entering us into this next uh bit of dialogue but um is it time to come up with another one of these another improv yeah like uh there's got to be some uh airtime somewhere where we could get out there and make an iconic show for kids. It's not YouTube. So what's our criteria? Yeah, what's our criteria? What's our hook?

What makes us different than all the other improv shows that are on now? It's for men only, and if you don't like it, get out. It's charades for kids. Charades for kids, okay. Done by adults. Yeah, with Dennis Simpson from the Polka Dot Door. Oh, yeah, Dennis Simpson was on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Gary Jones from The Debaters. Gary Jones. Maybe to flip it on its head, because it feels like some of it is improv or sketch comedy. This is dramatic. So this is dramatic charades. For kids. For kids.

If you accidentally say a word during charades, you get slimed. You get, remember, you can't do that on television. Didn't they get executed? Yeah, they got executed. They were given a cigar or cigarette and they were brought out to a shooting squad. So we need a shooting squad. Yeah. We could steal that.

That's. If I was given the choice between a cigar and a cigarette for that, I would take the cigar because it takes longer. So that was the, you can't do that on television. They had their, the universe had its rules. Yes. If you say I don't know, you get slimed. If you say water, you get watered. That's right. If you go to Barth's,

you eat some disgusting burgers. I heard that. That was his catchphrase. Not unlike the champ. If you predicted Alanis would be a huge star, you stayed on the show yeah so this uh charades for kids dramatic yeah um so are we on board with the slime is it a contest is it a competition so what do they sit in uh oh like a big thing of baked beans are they going

around like are they in cars? Are they sitting in... No, I'm picturing it like loose plinths and boxes and, you know... Chest pieces. Yeah, kind of like... So what makes it dramatic charades as opposed to what... Was acting crazy comedic charades? I think they were doing silly faces.

This would be very somber. Very somber. And you need to be almost like artistic in your presentation ofic charades? I think they were doing silly faces. This would be very somber. Very somber, and you need to be almost artistic in your presentation of your charades. And the movies and things that you're getting people to name, they're all very serious movies. Bridge Over the River Kwai. That would be a hard one.

Okay, I got one. And if you lose, the champ comes out and sucker punches you, gets you the solar plexus. I say pardon? How's that Bridge, the champ comes out and sucker punch you, gets you the solar. I say pardon? How's that bridge over the river quiet for you? Do you think he sat there with a notepad and wrote down all the things he could misinterpret? Yes. Squeezing lemons, picking my mouth.

Every like the way that, you know, you have a notebook of comedy. He's just like keeping a running towel in his head. I, um, so, so, okay. We're going to do serious charades. Okay. Perfect for this. For kids. Okay.

So, here we go. Movie. It's a movie. Two words. Two words. Fuck. Oh, fuck. Lost my mind.

No, I don't have it. Oh, shit. Leaving Las Vegas. It was Michael clayton then what happens to the team that loses in this circumstance then they put on their play okay so if you lose you must mount a play on television and can the play be funny or is that also serious? No, it's all serious. All serious. It's the only way we're going to break through in this market of nostalgic cable access kid shows. Yeah. Is cable access still up to its old tricks? Good God.

I and our kids absolutely taken by make believe. That was the promise of these shows. I don't know if cable access exists anymore because I have cable. And I wouldn't know what channel it is on.

Used to though because it was the stomping grounds of, what was that? Urban Rush. But it was channel four and they would put all the Canadian channels low down. So you wouldn't just like, so they would have a competitive advantage when someone turned on their TV, people start going up by channel by

channel from two, three, four. And now, uh, like all my sports channels are on the nine hundreds. Yeah, that's true. It's all that stuff has been relegated to the sat almost satellite dish. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

and the late night ones too, like that's where all the music shows used to come from and stuff like just turn on cable access at like two in the morning. And it would be like some crazy guy playing a band. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So where does that go? I guess.

I don't know. It all goes to YouTube. Yeah. Yeah. YouTube's got the, all right, let's just go on YouTube. Ah, you guys just want to watch YouTube. Yeah. You know. Yeah. So where does that go? I guess. I don't know. It all goes to YouTube. Yeah. Yeah. YouTube's got the. All right. Let's just go on YouTube. You guys just want to watch YouTube?

Yeah. I've subscribed to the champ channel. Oh, it probably exists. It is. I thought that was, it's a whole channel. I think it's a whole. Fuckin' A. Account.

Here's the thing. I'm going to put it out there. This, if anybody out there has a collection of comedy at club 54 clips or videos i'm interested in purchasing these things i'm just putting out there because it's not on youtube i've looked on youtube i've searched the world wide web to find where was that from that was from burlington ontario and that stuff doesn't exist anywhere i can't i can't find it i mean i'm sure it exists in like an editor's basement somewhere but but you don't want to go there no um what is who hosted that

uh what's his name guy not guy fieri it was guy fieri it was guy fieri yeah yeah yeah diners drive-ins and punchline ben guyett Ben Guyot is his name. And he would have people, young folks, trying to make a name for themselves. Lots of old performers that had been around. There would probably be some very surprisingly awesome clips. But that's the thing. I was in Toronto, and it was on the local, I think it was like CHCH or something at one in the morning.

And I contacted them and they were like, well, you don't know where this goes. It's not, there's nobody programming things. It's somebody way away that's, you know, doing this programming. And, uh, so that was my only line of inquiry. Yeah. And then you gave up. I gave up. You're not, you're not, you're not like me, man. When I get a, I'm like a dog when I get a bone. Yeah. Didn't you gave up. And I gave up. You're not, you're, you're not like me, man.

When I get a, I'm like a dog when I get a bone. Yeah. Didn't you, you solved the Zodiac murders. I tried. I tried. They made a movie about me trying. Yeah. Yeah.

And that was scary. Remember the moment where he goes downstairs with the guy? That's what I think going to an editor's house would be like. Yeah. Yeah. We got all the company at Club 54 is in here. Just, yeah. Just keep going

This sounds like a pretty Minor Investigation you're in But I'm wondering, would you ever be Compelled to actually Either of you, go into a serious Rabbit hole of Obsession, solving something

Finding something I did A thing like that where and can we make a podcast about yes following you this was uh do you remember stand-up comedian from canada mike mcdonald yes he uh he had um a liver transplant And one of the things that happened when he got a liver transplant is he lost his long-term memory. So he couldn't remember his act and he couldn't remember, like he could remember things within a day or two, but he couldn't remember any of these things. So he solicited people like, if you have a video of me, can you send it to me? And give context too of like, this was you doing this. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. And so I hunted down. Is he still with us? No, he passed away. Ah. Well, there goes the podcast. Yeah.

Surprise ending. We screwed that up. But I found a guy who was the producer of a special he made. And I got in touch with him. He's like, oh, yeah, I can send it to you on CD. Like, he was so happy to oblige. Wow. And so I got that connected to him.

And you gave it to Michael McDonald. He was like, I don't remember asking for this. Or he's like, who are you? Yeah, what the fuck are you doing here? What is comedy? I don't remember that. He took another job in the meantime. I work at a lube shop now.

Yeah. So I was able to do that. And that was kind of my investigation. Like, okay, I'll watch the end of the credits for whatever. It's comedy now or whatever. Find out who it was who directed it and who produced it. But there's always people like,

you know, even people who, like my uncle is passionate about our, our family history and his research and collecting files and spending his nights like databases and stuff. I, I like think that would be just so I don't,

I'm not compelled to do it. Yeah. Beyond like two clicks i'm like whatever well i'm never gonna meet these people who were alive 100 years ago yeah i don't have anybody organize organize a hunt a search a thing i just don't want it yeah my father-in-law but i know you want me to graham this is the thing well but i want you to be happy about it i don't want you to be going along just because I want you to. Well, I just felt I needed to be honest with you because you are constantly saying, like, go on an adventure, Pat.

Yeah. Go on a hunt. Yeah, go on a hunt. Here's a shotgun and some shells. Go on a hunt. Go on a hunt. Yeah, come back. Don't come back without, you know, a basket full of memories.

Get out of here. Is it get out of here? Yeah, get out of here. Yeah, get out of there. Get out of there. Get out of here. Is it get out of here? Yeah. Get out of here. Yeah. Get out of there. Get out of there. Yeah.

Sorry, Dave, you were going to say your uncle was an investigator? Yeah. Well, I was going to say my father-in-law. He did that whole family tree thing. And then, you know, got to the bottom of it. And then he started doing mine. And I was like, okay, yeah. Yours was different than your.

Yeah. I see. Yeah., we're, I see. Yeah, we're different. I see. My father-in-law. It's not your father? No, it's, um. Wait, wait. Is your father-in-law your father? Yes, my father-in-law is my father.

Your father. Yeah, it's one of those things like it's my sister-in-law. That's why you weren't allowed on kid street. My father-in-law is my father twice removed. And then apparently we're all related to Charlemagne. Oh yeah, absolutely. Um,

I don't, yeah, I don't have anybody in my family does that. Uh, ancestry. Don't you want to know if your great grandfather Prokop Shumka was the mayor of Sifton, Manitoba? That's pretty good.

Prominent role. It was a town next to Sifton. Do we think now that with the digital presence of our algorithm. My algorithm is completely acoustic. We will no longer need, it's not going to be a mystery. Of what? Like these family searches that people go on. it's because they're trying to go back to like the 1500s yeah starting like as of 40 years ago everything's gonna be like oh just go on

facebook oh that was my great-grandfather what if you found your your relatives like quite a ways back were very wealthy and just got less wealthy over time like they were the original wealthiest yeah like they owned by the time it came to you in calgary in 1985 there was nothing yeah nothing left i uh just generation after generation squandering that'd be amazing i was we were watching good television series yeah long poor tonight long poor And then dramatic charades. Yeah. We were watching something

and someone on TV had a Scottish accent and my kids were like, oh, he talks like Shrek. And I was like, well, he's Scottish. So did you know that you're actually,

you know, your last name is Ukrainian, but you're five-eighths Scottish. And my kids were like, are we related to Shrek? You're five-eight Scottish. And my kids were like, are we related to Shrek? You're five eighths ogre. Well, how did you answer it?

I said, yes, we're related to Shrek. You're in fact, your Scottish name is Donke. We related to Shrek. I love it. Dave,

what's going on with you, man? Well, I'll tell you, Graham, speaking of these dang kids of mine This is our first recording of 2024

Happy New Year Happy New Year to everyone So we just finished our winter break And The kids we were home a lot And like once a week No maybe once every couple weeks At my house we do a movie night

Where we like drag in an extra Futon mattress You lie on the floor we watch a movie What's the snack situation? Popcorn If there's an M&M available We'll throw some of those around But the highlight is just the

Floor and the mattress Tonight no couches Tonight no couches Well no there's a the floor and the mattress. Like it's tonight, no couches. Tonight, no couch. Well, no, there's a couch next to the mattress. This is just more horizontal space. This is, yeah, you can flop. It's a flop. It's a flop house.

It's our flop era. Yeah, right. And, but over the holidays, we did this like a couple times a week, three or four times a week. Oh, wow. We even did a couple movie days did you you weren't trucking this futon in and out no no no futon there was a week of do you think you did it more during the holidays because the futon was there i i intended like it was i intentionally was like let's let's make this a thing. Right. Because it's still there, by the way.

The food time? Yeah. What are we going to watch after this? It's disgusting. Trek 1 or 2. Or 3. Well, we are related to the Trek family. By marriage or by blood? On Abby's side, by marriage, but my side, by blood.

Same father, though. She actually did on those blood tests where you guys get married well you know what we're freaky um so like and normally we'll watch we watched kids movies for a while but now they're more interested and we are very interested in showing them movies that are for like you know tweens okayens. Oh, okay. What's it? Let me guess. What's a good tween film? Um,

E.T. Cool running. Cool running. You're nailing it. Cool running would be good. Um, we did, uh,

this time we did 13 going on 30. Okay. Yeah. Jennifer Garner. Jennifer Garner, Mark Ruffalo vehicle. And, uh, one that I hadn't seen hadn't seen since I saw it in the theater, Jurassic Park. Now, I still feel the footsteps.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I saw that at a drive-in. Oh, wow. A lot of it is very car heavy. In our head explorer. In some, like maybe a van of some sort. And it was threatening to rain.

So it was like very overcast. This is in Whitefish, Montana. Were you under the belief that dinosaurs exist? No, my family never, they said dinosaurs never existed. We've got a whole other. Jesus put the bones around yeah i did you did you see it uh at the time you're a little you're like yeah i mean i i i definitely did yeah and that's why i could feel i could feel the rumbling did you love it i did because i feel

like i didn't love it and i may be. But I may be thinking of Twister. Which one had Helen Hunt? Yes. There was a lot of rumbling in that as well. And they had that Shania Twain song. That was in Jurassic Park, right? No one needs to know right now. Is that from?

You know, the 40th most popular Shania Twain song. Yeah, we're going to have a little girl, a little boy, a little dog named Leroy. No one needs to know right now. You guys, why didn't you start singing? You hang me up to dry on this one. Is it a ballad? No, it's kind of a fun, it's kind of a fun poppy song. Boy, I think the only song I remember from the Twister soundtrack was Humans Being by Van Halen.

I might be wrong about that. Anyway, Philip Seym hoffman at his worst i would say yeah yeah in twister yeah he was like the like goofy scientist no like more like a neurologist no van driver yeah van driver he was more like a van driver was he did he have what was he like a tinfoil hat kind of guy camera news cameraman guy uh no he was like was he a chaser if the main characters kissed each other he'd be like whoa get a room time you two now did the main characters kiss each other yeah and yes in a tornado i haven't seen seen it yeah they started on either side of the tornado they went in and then smooched in the middle.

They got the big boy. Yeah. I knew a lot about that movie, but I haven't seen it. Twister? I think I know what you're doing on the futon tonight. Yeah, Twister's pretty good. It's pretty fun. Yeah, it's a tween movie.

Yeah. Anyway. Tornadoes, it's a metaphor for puberty, dude. Oh, yeah, kids. Pay close attention. You see how the, you know. That's your inside of your body right now. The tornado kind of looks like a uterus.

And there's a bunch of stuff going to get pushed out of it. And then when you're done, you're not in Kansas anymore. My dad said I had to sit out in the hallway while you guys learned sex education because he's already taught us everything we need to know. He showed us Twister.

Boys go through a dinosaur phase and girls go through a Twister. Yeah, I mean, look, take one look at Bill Paxton, you come out changed. I didn't love Jurassic Park. I was not dinosaur crazy anymore when that came out. Right.

Um, and then, uh, I watched it this time and I, I got to tell my 12 year old self, I was wrong. Yeah. It's so good. It rules. It was a great movie. And it was the introduction of the Ford Explorer. Really? Yep.

It was, it was like sponsored by Ford. Shit, really? Like, here's our new car. Put it in the movie. Yeah. Do you mind if we completely trash it? Yeah. But, you know,

parts of it hold up pretty well. Isn't it like the windshield? They hold that between the dinosaur and their feet. They're pushing up the windshield. That says a lot about the quality of the car. But, like, I, so. My wedding song.

Yeah, that's right. Was it really? Yeah. But this coming from a guy who didn't, wasn't sure he liked the movie? Yeah, I just like that soundtrack. That soundtrack. Did you walk slowly to it? It was sort of like the.

Did you dance to this or you came down the aisle to this? No, this was like the introducing for the first time ever. So you had to walk slow. Did you rumble? Did the rumble? There was a little rumble. Everyone kind of jiggled the water in their glasses. Uh, you know how they did that?

How? Uh, they ran a guitar string underneath the, uh, where the guitar or sorry, where the water was and they plucked it and it made the perfect rumble i love practical effect i mean it's just the way it's gotta go and so just we're living in this algorithm i'll tell you oh my god um so uh showed them that yeah and the first hour is so much set up yeah yeah and then it was once you get to that park though yeah you get to the park and you see them and they're like okay they have diarrhea what's up with that they're just like us yeah and like wayne knight is there and like

don't worry about that yeah yeah oh yeah. Here's a question for the most recent viewer. Did the kids, did they turn out to be adult famous? One of them is the boy was in, I think he was in the Freddie Mercury movie. He plays the bass player. Oh, okay. I would never have clocked that. Yeah, he's in a couple things. I don't think the girl is in anything. Although, I don't know.

But they're not, it's not like, oh yeah, she turned out to be Meryl Streep. But it's not. She has to start somewhere. And Bill Paxton is no longer with us. And Bill Paxton was never in it. He wasn't? No, that's Twister. Oh, I mean, who am I thinking of as the guy then who's our main

Sam Neill. Did he die? No. And Laura Dern. Laura Dern. And Jeff Goldblum. Yes. Richard Attenborough. David Attenborough.

David Attenborough. And. Wayne Knight. Wayne Knight. Wayne Knight. Scene. I didn't know when I was getting how funny it was. Where he's at the.

Eating with the guy who's. Going to get the embryos. Right. He's like. Oh. Shut up. And he's like. Hey.

Everybody. See. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Hey everybody. I'm going to steal the thing. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Um. Right. He's like, oh, shut up. And he's like, hey, everybody, see, nobody cares. Nobody cares. Hey, everybody, I'm going to steal the thing. Nobody cares.

Nobody cares. Um, and, uh, Samuel L. Jackson. Who played T-Rex? Um, that was a young

Tobey Maguire. The, this was also, that movie inspired the naming of the Toronto Raptors. That's true. Yeah. It was like, what's the most popular thingors. That's true. Yeah.

It was like, what's the most popular thing right now? Jurassic Park. Yeah. What should we name our basketball team? The Raptors. The Raptors. Yeah. Wait, are the Anaheim Mighty Ducks already named?

That's what I'm like, okay. Yeah. So we gotta use that. Yeah. We're going to be the Toronto Cool Running. Which is my son's favorite movie, by the way. Is it? Yeah.

Watched it about 17,000 times What Parts of it anyway Is his favorite part Um He Sanka Who's the breakman Yeah

Uh He's a very funny guy Very funny Um It just We track all the action parts Yeah And there's a Calgary

He likes the Calgary part of it too Yeah But John Candy Coach Absolutely John Candy is just known as coach to it too. Yeah. But John Candy, coach. Absolutely. John Candy is just known as coach to him. So every time he sees John Candy's face, it's coach. Are you, um, or did you feel any pressure this

Christmas to get him a bobsled? We played a lot of bobsled. We pretended to bobsled. Oh. Uh, bath is often a bobsled. Oh, have you done that thing where you put him in a laundry basket and show a bobsled run? Down the stairs. Show a bobsled run on, on YouTube done that thing where you put them in a laundry basket and show a bobsled run on YouTube

and then you move the laundry basket? Oh, that'd be fun. Dave, this has not happened, but it's happening. Yeah. Great call. Yeah. But we've only watched parts of it, but you know, we skip the you skip the boring parts. What about the scene where they arrive at the Calgary airport

and they walk out so cold and they have to put on all the clothes that they brought with them yeah dougie doug wears his bag too oh they use real footage at the end too to show the the uh tragedy not a tragedy but they crash they don't make it but they walk it they walk across okay yeah there's a beautiful slow clap in this. Yeah. At the end. I was there the day they filmed, not that one, but like it was extras and it was a bend in the track and everybody, whoa, all that.

You were an extra in it? Yeah. Well not. Can I see you in it? No. Oh. No, but it was at COP. Yep.

And it was, I was snowboarding that day and you just go. And they were like. Yeah. They're filming right now. Yeah. Get at COP. Yep. And it was, uh, I was snowboarding that day and you just go. And they were like. Yeah. They're filming right now. Yeah. Get in there. Amazing.

Yeah. How about Eddie the Eagle? You see that? Uh, I did actually watch that and you know what? It's fine. It's fine. Yeah. That was a big underdog Olympics.

Yeah. It was. I think it was the last underdog Olympics for some reason. There's no more underdogs? No. Everyone's just a good at olympics yeah everybody was a sure thing no they don't let in just nobody's now do they i think after

they don't let in nobody no you're right they don't they let people who are good at the premise of cool runnings like like i said we skip a lot of parts. Yeah. I've literally watched this a hundred times in the last two months. I have never seen the setup as to why Jamaica gets a team. I can't tell you. Uh, oh yeah. There's just a scene of John Candy in a bar in Jamaica. His life is like falling apart. He's a former guy.

He's just like drinking in a bar and then he gets the idea. Yeah. Somehow. But then, and then they get trapped. It's sort of like the producers. What if I made a, you could make more money with a bad bobsled team. It's also, don't they, they rig up something that can be on the dirt. Yeah.

They practice in the, on the, in the, like with basically a go-kart. Yeah. Yeah. But. I don't know why. But I don't know why I've missed that part of the movie the last 200 times I've watched it. There's that new soccer movie that's the same kind of premise, right? Your turn, your game next.

Yeah, next goal wins. Yeah. And is that, but you're still at underdogs in soccer? In soccer, you're allowed not the Olympics. Oh, okay. Yeah, because there are a lot of soccer teams in, especially the UK, that suck. Yeah. That are just like like the town loves

them that their towns pride and joy but they stink and they never win oh yeah there's that rex ham yeah yeah exactly and uh dr solo or whatever it's called yeah dr solo um ted lasso so uh we watched that it's great it's a monster movie then it's a slasher movie it's great yeah it rules um and what's your favorite part the slasher part the with the clever girls chasing them around yeah that rules and running at her and then oh it just slams into a mirror or whatever it was just a reflection yeah yeah um and then so i was like, oh, if you like kind of like big action movies, here's one that I never, that I fell asleep during, but I'm sure it's good. Everyone says it's so good. We watched the original Pirates of the Caribbean.

Oh yeah. Pirates of the Caribbean. I don't remember loving it, but I do remember thinking Johnny Depp's onto something. And I, I watched it and I was like, oh, this is, I understand this is good, but I hate it. I hate everything about this movie. I don't, I couldn't tell you why. Like, there's nothing wrong with it. I just don't want to be here.

I don't want to be on a boat with these people. Yeah. It was, I don't remember it at all, but it was, it's a, it's, that was a decade worth of billions of dollars of money making that thing. And I feel like it was the turning point for movies that they all became, they all now need to have like an extra half hour to film. Yes.

Yeah. It was also, I think, the turning point for anybody that was doing costumes in front of a man's Chinese theater.

All of a sudden there was 10 Jack Sparrow's. Like, I feel like everybody raced out What do you think is the latest version of that? Who's the latest

caution? Barbie? Probably. Oh yeah, probably. There's a lot of Barbies down on Hollywood Boulevard right now.

Venom down there. I feel like if you, the Barbies on Hollywood Boulevard would be kind of like extra like, oh, you're not, this is, you're not

Barbie. Yeah. I'm not going to take my picture. You're not. There was, when I was there last, it was, it was a big protest about, uh, the re or whatever Roe versus way, the big road. And, uh, you were on the side of the, I was just there.

I was just there to enjoy the show. Uh, but there was a Freddy Krueger that got swept up in the, uh, in the March and didn't seem to know how to get back out of it. See, even Freddy supports us.

Yeah. Well, just one point of order. Do you know what, um, might be an interesting,

if you're on this action movie, uh, kick on the futon, uh, which I think was, and I haven't seen it in a long time but it's kind of a perfect movie it's national treasure oh that's a good one yeah

you know the story behind that yeah they try to get the declaration of independence uh he's got to steal it back uh this is got a map on the back it was jerry Bruckheimer who lost a bidding war for the Da Vinci Code. Oh, so he just made his own? Yeah, he's like, we'll just make this. It's like the Da Vinci Code. I like that. I like that's a can-do attitude. I like that. But I'd like to, yeah, if you give it a go

I'd like your review. I mean, I think we've shown them a bit of Indiana Jones and I think a couple of those would be uh would would scratch that itch yeah I feel like the quality of the original ones would just bore kids yeah I worry about that you're like this just looks like an old movie yeah that's true but you know how they got that uh giant ball to roll guitar string what note were they playing? B-flat. That was the brown note.

Pardon me. Yeah, anyway, so we're going through the classics. I'm trying to think of one that would be good in that category as well. I would say, down the road, Back to the Future is a fun one, but not in the same... I wonder if there's too much... There might be too much sex stuff in it. No, I just like the context of it Too much old time rock and roll

Yeah Can I share with you my list Oh you know what would be good Harry and the Hendersons That movie just watched it recently Still funny John Lithgow is hilarious Oh so we've been through

Recently 13 going out of the Jurassic Park. Dumb and Dumber. Oh, yeah. With minus a few scenes. And reaction? Reaction, good. Good, positive. I don't think we finished it, though.

Mrs. Doubtfire. Killing it. School of Rock. Oh, yeah. Princess Bride. Arachnophobia. I was going to say Princess Bride. Shit.

Good one. Yeah. And then the ones that are on the list, Bill and Ted. Yeah. Love it. That's another one where I'm like, do we,

do they need to know about history or do they learn it through Bill and Ted? I think they learn it through. That's how I found out about Napoleon was. Speaking of Napoleon Dynamite. Yes. Yeah. There's nothing. Is that going to be boring? I think Napoleon Dynamiteite. Yes. Yeah. There's nothing.

Is that going to be boring? I think Napoleon Dynamite will be boring. Yeah. I think it'll be even for you. You're going to be like, this was, this is what I thought it was. Princess Bride though. That, that nails it. That's got the best of all.

I don't, there's, I'm not of the generation that is in love with Hook. Oh, me neither. But, but I wonder if that would be a thing yeah uh and of course uh one uh i was i thought rat race would be a good one i never saw it i never saw it and i looked it up and it was dead poet society apparently it's not appropriate yeah if you're only going to pick one robin williams go with that or awakening yeah my kids really wanted to see one hour photo one hour photo i just watched that yeah yeah and creepy it is creepy but it's so you couldn't show that to anybody who was born beyond like 1990 because it's the whole premise developing film yeah you're getting film developed that this is these people know so much about us we trust these people with our film yeah exactly filmed that in like yellow knife too

right isn't there no that's insomnia where the sun doesn't but robin williams yeah oh it was this came out the same year robin williams playing two bad guys right one insomnia the other one hour phone and that was the idea was that he just lived in where the sun didn't go down and he couldn't sleep. He went crazy. Uh, Al Pacino goes crazy. Interesting. Problems. Never saw this.

It's good. It's a Christopher Nolan. Is it? Yeah. It's good. Post memento. Uh, one hour photo is good, but it's literally stuck in Amber. Like you couldn't, you couldn't describe.

It's stuck in Amber. Have I told you that I showed my kids Jurassic Park? Graham, what's up? I'm trying to get my routine as a traveler. I was in Calgary, Alberta, flying here to Vancouver. Oh, what high school did you go to? That's none of your business. That's between me and the champ.

I've got my packing down to a science. Okay. The sweet science, sweet science. One time I was going through security a couple of trips ago and I got pulled over to do the, you know, the bomb suite and,

the security agent of these, exactly. One of those on a little stick. Um, so I was holding up my glasses cleaner. Exactly what it is. Uh, and she saw how I'd holding up my glasses, cleaner, exactly what it is. Uh, and she saw how I'd packed and she said,

a plus packing. So to me, that's coming from somebody who sees a lot of packing jobs. She's saying I'm in the top tier. Wow. A plus what, what you just are a really tight folder. You put it over there.

Everything has a place. Yeah. There's, that's like a comedian. You've There's. That's like a comedian. You've been traveling, you've traveled a lot. That's why you're good at it. You've been everywhere,

man. You've been everywhere. I've been to Medicine Hat and Red Deer. You've got your, you've got your mic stand in there. You've got your mic.

Yeah. You've got your blazer. Yeah. You've got your white sneakers. Your cue cards. Your cue cards. You got your prop box. Your,

your brick wall. Yeah, my brick wall. Yeah, that I ever. Your cue cards. Your cue cards. You got your prop box. Your brick wall. Yeah, my brick wall. Folded perfectly. Well, congratulations. Thank you. That also makes me, I feel embarrassed for the people who do that job, who have to come across uncomfortable stuff. Yeah.

How they deal with it. Did we talk about this recently? I couldn't do it. What, about this packing job? uncomfortable stuff. How they deal with it. I couldn't do it. What about this? I'm remembering there's a video of a guy opening up a bag like a security guy opening up a bag of sex toys. Yes. Yeah.

Like I couldn't do it. Just my nature would not allow me to do that job. To not. To stand in front of a stranger and be like I'm going to like open your stuff. And I'm going to look at it. I think people there's some guys that to look at it. I think people, there's some guys that get off on it.

I think probably. Yeah. But the, the, the woman that was at the security when I was flying for Calgary, she was having the best day of her life. She was, she was smiling at everybody.

She was, it's, you know, it's nobody likes going through security. It's no fun. She was making it fun. She was making comments to people as they walked through and uh i went through the i went through the x-ray she didn't put me through

she wanted to get a good look at your bones and uh yeah you should go to the doctor it looks like there's a little cavity in there um in your bones um but yeah on the other side of the x-ray machine, she said, I have to open it up. And I was brought some snacks home from my mom. She sent me off with some snacks. So these were homemade things. These are homemade things. Now, in the past, she's given you chili. Chili, yeah.

That did not make it through. But was, they found the chili. And then the one guy called over his supervisor. And then that supervisor called over their supervisor there was a discussion well they were like is it a solid or liquid and they finally decided on that it was a liquid so these three guys in calgary yeah three agents have decided for all of humanity that chili is a liquid so it's on a soup it's on the soup scale yeah because it can fill the container but also sand could fill a container.

That's not liquid. Anyways. I could put a brick in a container. Couldn't call it a liquid? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. We shouldn't talk about the sound of our mouths the whole time.

Yeah. Yeah. See? Yeah. But they put it through. She had to open the bag. And it was a little apple pie. She pulled it out of the bag.

Apple pie yells at the guy. Apple pie. Like they were discussing earlier. Yeah. What it was. Or that he was like, I bet you would see an apple pie today. What do you, do you think that's what it was? Or do you think they had discussed what it could possibly be?

I think she, I mean, I think she had an idea of what it was. This was during the holidays. This was during the holidays. This was after the holidays. Yes. So they're probably seeing a few leftovers. This is what I'm saying. Yeah. Right.

So maybe they had pie earlier that day. Maybe in the break room, there's like a full chart of like, they're filling out, they're like, how many, there's like a pool of like bingo. Are we going to see like 19 apple pies today? So like she, I might've been number 19. Yeah. Her number came up.

I was like, add it to the list. This guy bringing an apple pie. I didn't have that on my 2024 bingo card. Oh wait, I did. Oh, it did. Turkey thigh. Turkey leg. I once brought from Saskatoon, brought two Saskatoon berry pies back and it was every,

it was my whole, uh, I had to look up, oh, did these count as liquid? Cause they're filled with goo. And I had to, it was my whole flight was just trying to keep them from getting crushed. They like sell those in the airport there. Pretty, pretty much. Yeah.

Yeah. I didn't, I didn't get mine at the airport. It's the greatest berry on earth. Yeah. I think I bought them based on your recommendation. They need to be um, pied.

Or, or, or jammed. Jammed. Or, what about a wine? Or syrup. Yeah,

syrup. Okay. Yeah. Let's get to berry wine. Um, but yeah, uh,

I'm a, I, I'm a fan. I like them a lot. Uh, to me, raspberry is always going to be the

king of berries, but you know, uh, raspberry is always going to be the king of berries. Do you know the pineapples? Oh, and blue. Pineapples are technically berries. And an upside down pineapple. We all know what that means. Exactly. Oh wait, no.

That's a swinger. I says, pardon me. How's that for a pineapple? Hey champ, I saw your wife fucking a pineapple. I says, pardon? I saw your wife fucking a pineapple. It was at McDonald's. I saw your wife blowing grimace.

I says, pardon? Things that can be non-mistake. It was at McDonald's. I saw your wife blowing grimace in Ice's Park. Things that can be non-mistake. No double entendre. It was just having a chat. Yeah, so I'm really working on my packing skills. The other thing I wanted How was the pie?

The pie was delicious. Do you share it with your wife? Nope. Oh wow. I offered. She turned it down and so I ate it. Ever since I've been your wife. I says pardon? You're turning down an apple.

Pardon? She says I do and I said pardon? Ever since I've been your wife. But traveling wise, my ideal situation is to go through security, walk either straight to a place where I can grab a drink and have a drink and then immediately like land the exact second that I'm supposed to be boarding. Not last boarding, but just like to hit that exact moment where things are moving. Categories are getting

called. This is where there was... What zone are you in typically? Well, mostly zone three, but last time zone two. Yeah, I'm usually zone two. Yeah, zone two rules. I don't understand how you sometimes get a good seat, but bad zone. I don't know either. Even like a purchased seat sometimes.

Yeah. Like you're like still zone four. Yeah, I found that. I don't know if I'm getting zone two because I'm traveling with kids or because I have some kind of point status. I think I was two because I had a point status, but mostly I've been three.

Sometimes I've been five and it's like, why even bother showing up for the flight at all? Don't carry on at all. Yeah. The pre sort of heightened security, which is a long time ago now it feels, but there used to be a real ability to just game it. So you'd like get out of the cab or get off the train,

walk into the airport, check in, walk onto the plane. Yeah. And I used to love to the airport, buy your ticket. Yeah. Uh, yeah, I'm trying to get it down and walk on the plane.

Yeah. This trip was pretty close. I had a drink and I got, got the bill right away. That's another, you get the beer, you get the bill, you pay for it so that you can,

what time of day, what time of day are you drinking this airport beer? This was a, this was like a four or 5 PM. Oh sure. Happy hour. Yeah, exactly. That's a nice airport beer. Some people, I was in an airport, um, in

California recently and it was like 8 45 AM. Yeah. Several beers, not me, but I'm. Oh yeah. But I'm just like always amazed. People, well, they're on different times on it.

It might be four o'clock in their body. Yeah. I got to get drunk at four o'clock in my body. But yeah, the, um, but the, the beer doesn't have a time zone in an airport.

No, but you also have to be careful with drinking before going on a flight because the bathroom conundrum comes up. Unbelievable peas. Yeah. So you, one beer, fine. Two beers, you're out of your head. You gotta, you're going to be squirming in that

seat. Yeah. Waiting for that seatbelt sign to go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then climbing over or whatever, you'll be squirming in German if you're flying to Germany.

Also the guy who is the flight attendant is one is by far the biggest flight attendant i've ever seen like oh big easily six two like you know the top of the uh the aisle was like basically touching his head and wide like a linebacker wow yeah but he was nimble oh he could not a profession you think he would Go for right away What am I naturally suited for Being inside of an airplane And he comes to my seat He says you want a sack of penis

I said pardon You want a sack of my penis I said I'm asking you if you want a sack of my penis So I says, I'm asking you if you want a sack of my peanuts. So I lose it. Snap. Come on, one more airplane one, please. Somebody do it.

Oh, boy. The flight attendant goes, I just put my hand in your wife's pillow. I just put my hand between your wife's pillow. Between your pillow. Why would a flight attendant say that? Yeah. Excuse me, sir. I just put my hand between your wife's pillow.

What? What. What? What? You would be like, why are you putting your hand between my wife's pillows? And why does she have two? I tell her every time we're only traveling with one pillow. You don't need two. I have to pay for that second

pillow. You gotta pay for that other pillow. You know what's gonna happen? Somebody's gonna put their hand between them. I'm gonna lose it. So the airplane crashed and they're still trying to retrieve your wife's black box. I said, pardon? My wife's black box? What?

Ever since I've been the champ. Ever since I've been my wife. My brother and i have been saying for probably 30 years now care for a candy because a flight attendant once said that to us oh yeah when we were kids care for a candy yeah do you ever wonder if something you've said in public has been a catchphrase, like a roaming bit. One time we were, my, we went, I guess I was in,

it was 1990. I was nine years old. We were in New York walking through a department store and a woman working there said to me and my dad, would the young gentleman like a cookie? So anytime I've been offered a cookie since. And that person has no idea no idea that yeah they've helped shape a part of your bond but i'll tell you anytime anybody says anything to the champ they remember yeah fucking yeah he loses it yeah um well do you guys uh do you want to move on to some overheard sure sure From the twisted minds that brought you The Adventure Zone,

Balance and Amnesty and Graduation and Ethersea and Steeplechase and Uterspace and all the other ones, the McElroy brothers and dad are proud to reveal a bold vision for the future of actual play podcasting. It's called The Adventure Zone versus Dracula. Reveal a bold vision for the future of actual play podcasting. It's called The Adventure Zone vs. Dracula. Yeah, we're going to kill Dracula's ass. Well, we're going to attempt.

We haven't recorded all of it yet. We will attempt to kill Dracula's ass. The Adventure Zone vs. Dracula. Yes, a season I will be running using the D&D 5th edition rule set. And there's two episodes out for you to listen to right now. We hope you will join us. Same bat time, same bat channel. I see what you did there.

People say not to judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. Which is why here on Just the Zoo of Us we judge them by so much more. We rate animals out of 10 in the categories of effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics, taking into consideration each animal's true strengths, like a pigeon's ability to tell a Monet from a Picasso or a polar bear's ability to play basketball. Guest experts like biologists, ecologists, and more join us to share their

unique insight into the animal's world. Listen with friends and family of all ages on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where You know what? We, or you, hear it We want to share it We want to share in the fun and the magic And we always like to start here on the podcast

With the guest Pat, do you have an overheard? I do, I'm always listening And so this was Maybe a couple weeks ago At the grocery store by my house, which is a, look at this guy, ever since he's been the champ. I was thinking, did you overhear someone? That's just because your wife's 11?

Melons. I overheard somebody talking like this. And I went up to him and I was like, excuse me, are you the champ? He says, pardon me? I said, are you the champ? And he says, how's this for me being the champ? How's this for me being the champ for you, champ enough for you?

And he just like signed an autograph and I was like, thanks man, thanks champ. But yes, this grocery store by my house, it's an independent grocery store. You house, that's an independent, uh, grocery store. You can picture it's a quite cluttered, narrow bodega style. It's a little bit bigger than that, but it's,

uh, you know, narrow aisles and you know, it's, you gotta learn it. You learn it. Yeah. One of the things you learn, and I think this came from maybe the pandemic, but it's, uh, you wait in a, an aisle to go to the, to check out. They only have two, often just one.

This particular day, just one lady. The lineup is quite long. Yeah. I'm already in it. Um, it's probably two or three people behind me. One guy comes up. He, what happens is you see a newbie. They kind of think they're just going right to the thing

And then they turn their head around And they can see how long And they often mutter Some phrase that makes them Show everybody how frustrated they are And how long Should have gone to a dependent grocery store So this guy

There was honestly probably about 6 people, six people deep. Grocery store, that's pretty deep. He says to the person next in line, who's front to go next, hey, can I just go ahead? I got an, I just have an onion. This looks like a, you know, a chef or something. Like he's just grabbing a quick thing for, to go back to work at the restaurant.

He's like, I just got an onion. He's got a chef hat. But he sort of says it to this person, but all of us are a bit incredulous by this. Yeah. The person in front of the line goes, I don't give a fuck. That was enough for the guy to put the onion

back and leave the store. I love it. I love it. Yeah. I would have. First place. Yeah. I mean, I don't care if you just got an onion. I never would have asked in the first place. I don't give a fuck to love it. You're going to love it. Yeah. I would. I mean, I don't care if you just got an onion.

I never would have asked in the first place. I don't give a fuck. Love it. I love it. I love the attitude. I love the payoff. The other day I was at the Save On Foods on Main Street. Woo!

And there's a notorious long lines. No. There's never anyone working the cashiers. And the lines were so long I had to go out. I went up and talked to another employee being like, hey, these lines are pretty long, right? Could you get another? And they made an announcement. Can we get more cashiers?

And I felt very proud of myself. No one knew I'm the one who catalyzed this. Oh, nice. It's kind of like you called into a radio station. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of in a lot of ways. Yeah.

you called into a radio station. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of in a lot of ways. Yeah. The, um, yeah,

the, the opening up the second till is like big wave of relief goes down the lineup. And then there's a little bit of like, well, can I just go in that? Or do these people have to go first? Like if I'm the one who alerted the authorities, if I'm basically managing this story,

can I go first? I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. You onion fuck. Well, do I have an overheard you ask yes do you mine is uh so at my kid's school before christmas they had the grade sevens did like an entrepreneur fair okay and so they had a like a fundraising thing where they made stuff to sell to raise money for their classes. So they're the entrepreneurs. The grade 7s are, yes.

So the whole school could come by and buy handmade soaps. They made friendship bracelets. Kids making soaps? That's pretty advanced. Part of some kind of club. Wearable tech.

They were making, yeah, they had wearable tech. They were making, yeah, they had wearable tech. They had, uh, athleisure. Uh, well,

they had the three big things that were the big hits were soap, friendship bracelets, and slime. Oh yeah. Great. That homemade slime. Yeah. Um,

but then I was at, I was picking my kids up from school at the day of this fair. And the first girl out of the school spot the door, saw her mom, and said, Mom, I got cat food! And her mom goes, We don't have a cat. Yeah, but it was on sale. This guy is practically giving it away. Some guy is like, He's the Elon Musk of cat food, this guy.

But I also was like, All this stuff was homemade, like the soap and stuff. Yeah, they just like saved up leftovers over time and just grounded it into a mush, some tuna. What do you think a kid's brain would consider cat food to be? What do you think? Sustainable cat food? What was the angle on this cat food? A grown-up's idea of cat food. I don't even know. What do cats think cat food to be. What do you think? Sustainable cat food? What was the angle on this cat food? A grown-up's idea of cat food.

I don't even know. What do cats think cat food is? I'm just going off of old cartoons and it's they love fish bones. Yeah, I'm going off

fancy feast commercials and they love brown goo in a crystal goblet. Or the ones where they throw the treats and they jump and it's like catnip. What's catnip?

Catnip is like a pot for cats. Yeah. What is it? Like an herb. Weed. Right. Yeah. And it just makes them.

They go crazy for it. Right. Yeah. The one. Yeah. The one. Maybe that's what that kid has. There's the commercial with a guy throwing the.

Yeah. Those tasty Fantastics. And then you pull out and the guy's on the second floor and the cat's jumping to the second floor for tasty fantastics. Get your hands on some tasty fantastics. He said, I see your wife's got some tasty fantastics. I say, pardon? I think your wife's got some tasty fantastics.

I'm so glad he's back well i want 50 champ ideas by the end of the day my pussy goes nuts for tasty fantastic i hear your wife's pussy goes nuts that's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. And it's also an ad for Tasty Fantastic. So. This is what, why, you know. We've got this cat food place by our house called Dick's Sausage. And it's the best cat food. The champ goes up to this guy and says, I saw your wife take her pussy to Dick's fan. Dick's sauce.

Dick's Tasty Fantastic. And I says, That's just so many things. I'm really confused. I really just needed one. Slow down. Say it again. You saw my wife's

pussy. No, that's enough I need. That's all I need. You saw my wife's pussy. Okay, let's do that. And then pardon it. We don't need the whole sausage. I mean, cats don't even have sausage.

We all know it's the fish bones. You're fired. Boy, you guys. It's good for the soul. What's up with you, overheard wise? My mother and a son, and just hearing what they said, I can infer what had just been said, Oh. Was the kid going like, well, it sounds a lot boring. So she had just said, it's maybe a little boring. No, you know what, mom?

It's a lot boring. Yeah. I like that kid. Get out of here, mom. You suck. Everything you like sucks. Twister sucked. Twister sucked. Twister sucked.

Twister rules. It is the worst performance of Philip Seymour Hoffman's career. He's just Van Guy. Is Jack Black in it? No. Jack Black started out as a Van Guy though. He was a Van Guy, yeah. In a few things.

No, I think it's Philip Seymour. Seymour being a Jack Black type. Yes. Does he say, I think, I think it's Phil Seymour. Seymour being a Jack Black type. Yes. Yes. Um. Does he say, I require sustenance? He might. Is that from something?

I feel like that's from that. That character type sort of pivoted into the tech guy. Yeah. The hacker. The hacker. Yeah. Um. Yeah.

Eye rolling, sarcastic. They started out as camera men. Yeah, yeah. Then became hackers. What are they now? Hackers. They're still hackers. They're coders.

They're nanobots. Our policy here at the podcast is that we would like you to send in your overheard so that we can enjoy them. You can send them in to sby at maximumfund.org. The first one we got is from Tyler F. He's at a bowling alley. And a kid about bowling alleys, just rich with overheards. You go in there, you're coming out with a bumper crop. And a bumper bowling.

Bumper lane. Bumper. Bumper lane. Bumper lane. Yeah, bumper lane. Bumper bowling. Bumper bowling, yeah. All right, goodper lanes. Yeah, bumper lanes. Bumper bowling. Bumper bowling, yeah. All right, good.

Next. Yeah. A seven-year-old was really excited and running around. His mom asked him to sit down multiple times and finally says, Jaden, if you don't calm down, you're going to lose your kitchen aid privileges. I wasn't listening. I was trying to think of a bowling champ. No more mixing for you, Jaden.

I'm talking the mixer. I'm talking the whipper. Yeah, I'm talking the... Pulser. What else do they have? Do they have like a crock? Crockery? Crock...

KitchenAid? Yeah, KitchenAid has everything. They got everything. Whatever you... Not this kid. This guy. WaffleMaker. Fucking WaffleMaker.

She treats it as a privilege to use the KitchenAid. So this must be like a bit of a fancy KitchenAid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they're big like they're. They're mixers. The cake mixers. The cake mixers that come in all the beautiful colors. Yeah.

That's the centerpiece of your. That's a privilege to use one of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would never be allowed as a kid if we had one of those. Never be allowed to touch that. Especially if you didn't calm down. That's right. If I'm all hyper. Yeah hyper yeah yeah at a bowling alley for growing up were your parents were your mothers let's be honest uh big uh hey you can lick the batter and i said i let your wife lick

my batter i was breaking the cake i was making a cake for the baseball team. And your wife came up to me and said, can I lick your batter? Oh, wait. I said, burn. It's just, and that one, it was just hard to figure out who was saying what to who. I said to him. Wait, champ, you're saying stuff to people now? Well, pardon me for one thing Champ we got a pitch for you What if you start saying things to people

And they fight you Yeah Pardon This next one comes from Logan In the San Francisco Bay Area I was down in Monterey and heard this from two guys passing by on the street. Did you see the Zoltar machine from Big

across the street? You can ask to be Big. You can do whatever you want, but you can ask to be Big. It's sort of a 13 going on 30 style. Dave, there's a movie for you. It's the same premise as 13 going on 30. It's just older and harder for them to. But they stand, have they seen a keyboard that you play with your feet?

Yeah, that's true. And also, doesn't he go in a scary hotel at one point? Yeah, yeah. And he hits the door. But my children hate Robert Loja. I understand that. They can get that. What about the money pit?

Yeah, or the burbs. Yeah. These are all. Oh, Funny Farm was that one? Yeah. That was Chevy Chase. They can get that. What about the money pit? Yeah, or the burbs. Yeah. These are all. Oh, Funny Farm was that one? Yeah. That was Chevy Chase. That was Chevy Chase. This last one comes from Matt from Oakland, California.

It was a party recently and overheard two women in their 30s talking about a Cypress Hill concert they attended. One of the women excitedly said, I was concerned about going in the mosh pit, but after I did, I realized this is such an age-appropriate mosh pit. Oh, good. Yeah. It's funny that, yeah, like, you know, somebody's parents would be going to a Cypress Hill show now. Yeah. Yeah. And the mosh pit would be safe.

It'd be a safe place. Yeah, nobody's going into work on Monday with a fucking sore shoulder. No, like, my kids, like, their parents went in mosh pits. In my generation, my parents, all the parents of the kids in my class maybe did hands on a hard body.

Maybe. Did an all night dance competition. Maybe. Excessive fox trotting. Yes, they did. They shoot horses, don't they? Yeah, they did as many of them in a phone booth as possible. Yes.

These are the classics. Hey, champ, I saw your wife at a phone booth. It's like, he doesn't even say pardon them. What? Say again? What? It's like. I can't hear you.

It's like a Mr. Bean. You just give them an environment and you're like, okay, I can come up with a bunch of gags. Yeah. Oh, the champ was at, you know. At the zoo. At the zoo. Oh, yeah.

So. I saw your wife slapping a chimp. I went to the dog show and your wife was quite a bitch. No, wait. There's a lot of bitch talk there. The little setup, that drive, it was like two minutes long to go. Can I put a little prick in your body? Did you hear the little gay joke he made at the beginning though?

No. He said something about like, I believe in the tooth fairy when I saw the way my dentist was walking. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, well, I mean, it's not a surprise that... I think the champ might be cancelled. Oh, shit. Are you still with us, Mercy?

I don't know. We have a lot of interesting notes that are written, and we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hello, Dave and Graham.

This is Annie from Texas calling in with an overheard. I'm a librarian at the local public library, and I had a youngster in today who was asking me some questions and I answered his questions and so he was going to put his backpack back on so that he could leave and apparently it was very heavy and it kind of knocked him off of his balance and he said oh shit oh shit oh shit as he was kind of falling over and then he kind of remembered that i was sitting here and he said oh shit i didn't mean to say shit i uh said it's okay or something like that and he said anyway have a good day and then as he was walking away i heard him under his breath say oh shit

i mean once you let one out, it's just a torrent. Yeah, it comes flying out. Adorable. How cold is this kid? How cold is this kid? He was cold. He had a backpack and a jacket. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was using the backpack for a warm up. Like a certain cool running. I don't know, 12, 14, 30? Old enough to know that he's self-conscious enough to know that he's got a swearing problem. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's frustrated with himself. On the way out?

Yeah. Shit. When am I going to clean this up? Yeah. Fuck. In a movie, it would be, fuck. Fuck. Yeah.

Hey, champ, I saw your wife at the library. She was using the Dewey Decimal System. Tell me more. how else would she find a book champ is just fishing the guy's not gonna say anything he's like okay and uh yeah we checked out the books and um you know got a couple for my son and for myself oh is there a title the hearty boys maybe yeah and mine was just a novel french novel i hadn't read yet called the wind beneath my weight okay right you haven't left the library didn't you say anything to the guy holding the hose? Yeah. I said,

great job. Watch out. Okay. All right. Here's your next phone call. Hi, Dave, Graham, and possible guests.

This is Lauren from Anchorage calling in with an overheard. I was at a bar recently on a super slow night and we were all watching Happy Gilmore and I heard this elderly man say to his neighbor, like, what is this movie? And the neighbor went on to explain who Adam Sandler was and the whole deal.

And eventually I just overheard him say, and he made another movie about this time. I think it was called Billy Medicine. No freaking way. Billy Medicine. Billy Medicine. Billy Medicine. That sounds so nice. It's like, oh, it's a slow night at the bar.

We're just going to watch Happy Gilmore. Yeah. Like when your teacher just watch Happy Gilmore. Yeah. Like when your teacher just brings in a movie. Yeah. I would say everybody can watch Big. Yeah, that would translate. What a big, so scary. And gritty.

What, for the children? Yeah. I don't know. It was kind of, maybe you're going off of your own fear that you have. Because you saw thought As a child When I wanted to learn that Song they sing Heart and soul

No not heart and soul The secret handshake but it's a song that they sing Oh yeah Yeah that's right How does it resolve What happens I know it's the premise But what happens

But it gets weird He goes back To being a child His own child His himself He goes back To his mother Mercedes Rule

And his girlfriend As an adult Realizes she had Sex with a boy Yeah With a little boy But then when he Does he turn back

And he's like I've learned something now How about how to be A better adult Like what I don't think so No he turn back and he's like, oh, I've learned something now. How about how to be a better adult? Like what? I don't think so. No, he's, he turns back into a kid. Wait.

Like he's there. He becomes an adult and then goes back to being a kid at the end. Oh, I see. It's reverse of what I think. Yeah. Yeah. He was a kid, became an adult, had bunk beds in his apartment and such. Right.

Yeah. Video game. She wanted his girlfriend to sleep over and he said, yeah, you can get the, I got apartment and such. Right. Yeah, video game. She wanted his girlfriend to sleep over and he said Yeah, you can get the I get the top bunk. Right. Did they actually sleep together? I guess they did. They must have, right? How do you not put that in the movie?

God Lord, that's dark. Here's your final phone call. Hi, I'm calling with an overheard my name is Emily and I live on Vancouver Island and earlier this morning I was at Canadian Tire

and there was an old man working at the door and then another old man came in and was talking to him and he was saying like yeah i'm in my 80th year of life you know and everyone else in my family died in their 80th year of life so it makes me think like time to die and then the old man who was working was like yeah well i'm 82 get over. And I thought that was funny. Fuck yourself with your 80, right?

With your onion. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. Oh, man. Well, I was at Canadian Tire, and the guy there said, what, you got a hole in your rubber? Yeah, you doing a lube job? That's fine.

Don't worry about it. I'm aube job? That's fine. Don't worry about it. I'm depressed, champ. That's fine. I'm fine. I went through therapy. Yeah. Hey, champ, I had sex with your wife. Yeah.

Yeah. That's okay, as long as she's happy. Well, that brings us to the end of this year podcast. Pat? Do we applaud? Oh, yeah, on the way out. Yeah end of this year podcast. Pat. Do we applaud? Oh yeah. On the way out. Okay.

But you and your, uh, comedy partner, Peter Oldring are going to be doing, this is that live. Yes. A version, some version of yes. JFL Vancouver. That's right. On February. Something.

Something. Yeah. Be a nice gift for Valentine's day. If you're looking for a gift. It definitely would. Yeah. Yeah. T a nice gift for Valentine's Day. If you're looking for a gift. It definitely would. Yeah. Yeah. Tickets go out with your sweetie.

And there are, you don't have the dates in front of you or they're solidified, but you'll, will you be in other cities as well? Yes, we will. But. There's one in Sydney, not Australia. Okay. Sydney by the sea. Sydney by the sea, which is before it's in

February as well. And then, uh, some in Alberta coming up, I think at the, um, in the March. Where can people stay to, where can they find out this? Uh. Where do they go? The internet.

YouTube. I'd assume. Um, yeah, probably, um, well, jfl.com. Is that right? God. I think it's ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. We'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll let the word out. Okay.com. Is that right? God. I think it's ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah.

Anyway. Yeah. We'll, we'll, we'll, we'll let the word out. Okay. Yeah. Everybody stay tuned to something. Yeah. Do you have a, is there a Twitter account?

Yeah. Uh, yes. You, well, you could go to, this is that CBC. This is that. I think it's CBC. This is that. It's not even called that anymore. On Twitter.

On Twitter. It's CBC. This is that. There you go. It's called an X actually. Yeah. You're On Twitter, it's CBC This Is That. There you go. Head to Twitter. It's called X, actually. Yeah, you're right. Or you could go to X.

Yeah. And just have a cool time. At the Pat Kelly. Okay. So there you go. That's two places to learn what's going to happen. Yeah. Awesome.

Thank you for being our guest. Thank you, Graham. This is so much fun. Thank you, everybody out there for listening to the show. Be careful what type of innuendo type talk you might be talking out there in public. Because you never know when you're going to the show. Be careful what type of innuendo type talk you might be talking out there in public because you never know when you're going to run into the jail. Exactly.

Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Thank you, David. Now we clap. Ice is burning. I says pardon? Ha ha ha!