Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 829 - Amber Harper-Young

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

Comedian Amber Harper-Young returns to talk Lunchables, Mean Girls, and sledding.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 829 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. And with me as always is a man who knows about blueberry jeans, Mr. Dave Shumka. Did I set you up? No. Knock him dead. So you want me to re-sing the whole thing? No, just the one part.

But I... There you go. Well it was, how will I know if he really loves me? Blueberry jeans. I'm asking you because you know about those things. We don't know the words to that, but we started singing it before the show. And I'm glad that we did it here on the pod. Yeah, what is the...

If you give me I want to dance with somebody, I'll know all the words to that. Well. I want to dance with somebody. In blueberry jeans with somebody, yeah. Excellent, excellent, excellent. That Laugh You Here is a returning guest here to the podcast. She's oh so funny. She runs a show at the Anza Club, the next one being February 8th.

Yes. It's Amber Harper-Young. Hi, Amber. Hi. Hi, Amber. Good. I forgot about your singing career. Yeah.

What's your stage name again, or did you just go by Amber Harbio? I go by Blueberry Jeans. Miss Blueberry Jeans. No, but I love how Dave said Blueberry Jeans twice. He Kanye'd the song. What does that mean? Because Kanye rhymes with the same words sometimes. Oh, that's not true.

Leave him alone. Leave him alone. Leave him alone. He's been through enough. He's not a public figure. He shouldn't deserve this ridicule. But I don't like when people say people rhyme the word with the same word. You're allowed to repeat things and it's... Now, so here's a little inside baseball.

I have a new mic stand here. Yes. Because I was having trouble making eye contact with a guest. And now, it's still not working. Now, as I can see by today's mic placement, I should have given it to the guest. Should have given this mic stand to the guest. Well, you know what? Live and learn.

Live and learn. This is a teachable teaching moment. This is a teaching moment. Yeah. That's teachable. It's a lunchableh it's a lunchable it's a lunchable let's get to know us

get to know us Amber when you were young lunchables were they on the scene they were but they were first out so they weren't

affordable for my family income they've definitely come down in price quite a bit. Yeah. So I would just like watch. They're like PlayStation 5s.

The first year they're out, they're like a thousand bucks. I know. They were. But like, do I have this right or wrong? Is the Lunchables the little spoon with the cheese on the cracker? No, it's a handy snack. That's a handy snack? That's a handy snack that's handy snack that's a handy snack yeah what

that was how to make maximum garbage off of minimum yeah return that was a like six saltines in a stack with a thing of cheese whiz and a red yes a red applicators yeah um lunch sharp corners the red thing had sharp corners lunchables were a cheese and cracker combo but it didn't have meats in it

they were more a charcuterie yeah sorry a cheese crackers charcuterie for children it really was it was like

charcuterie for kids yeah and I'm I was doing the handy snack thing I have some kind of weird blobby wool in my body probably from all

the handy snacks oh yeah yeah yeah that never goes away have you ever had uncrustables did you just make that up no do you know uncrustables no okay i i would i'll let me put them up on the big screen here uh they are a smuckers product from smuckers and what they are is a pre-made um it's like jam sandwich oh it kind of looks like a um like a hot pocket yeah yeah oh i guess this one has um it's white bread that is like sealed together like a dumpling yeah oh and it's filled with peanut butter and jelly

yeah okay okay could you get oh there's it looks like it's a with peanut butter and jelly? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Could you get... Oh, there's... It looks like it's a meat-filled one there. You can get the barbecue steamed pork ones. But I just... The only reason I bring it up is because I saw a news story that the Baltimore Ravens football team eats 7,500 Uncrustables in a season. Oh, my gosh.

Well, I don't, like if NFL football players aren't getting custom made sandwiches, then what hope do we have? Like they're just buying the store brand and they don't have somebody cranking these things up. What hope do we have? Of being able to afford this luxury, you know? Custom made sandwiches. You could get a custom-made sandwich from an artist any day of the week.

I might do that later. Are you supposed to heat these up? No, I mean, you could. I bet you could. Throw them in a fryer? Looks like a pizza pocket.

I'm going to just Google Uncrustables hack. Are there any Uncrustables hacks? Oh, man, they'd be so good deep fried. They would be.

Oh, my God. I mean, I can't eat peanut butter and jelly, but'd be so good deep fried. They would be. I mean, I can't eat peanut butter and jelly, but anything fried. This person's making them into donuts. You can't eat the peanuts, right? No. I can't and I won't. This person made them into pancakes.

He's so mad. Amber, how are you doing? No, no, no, no, no, no. What's going on, Amberwise? Tell us. It would be funny to do this podcast where you are really mad the whole time. I don't think I've ever seen you mad. You haven't?

Oh, Dave's seen me. I throw things around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say all sorts of things I can't take back. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah. I burn a lot of bridges that way. That's why I've never been rehired anywhere, you know?

Because I have to keep switching careers uh how's it going um it's going good i'm i'm a little depressed about the lunchables question right off the top sure yeah i didn't mean to send you down memory i stole kids uh snacks and stuff in school because i was like i felt so deprived because i always just had like a peanut butter and jam sandwich and a piece of fruit usually like usually like a banana that was sure way too ripe oh like had brown brown spots on it kind of thing and then uh yeah and then what's your ideal banana ripeness oh i love um slightly unripe. Like a little green on it? Yeah, I don't like the texture.

And it's too sweet. My ex used to eat the overripe ones and be like, the brown part is so yummy. I'm like, ugh. Is that why you broke up? Yeah. For me, if there's a little bit of green on it, I know that there's going to be residue on my teeth. Yeah, there is that film. And I'm not a fan of the film, but I like the texture better. Oh, it sounds like me after Oppenheimer.

You must be so pissed that they got nominated for Oscars. Dave's a noted Oppenheimer hater. Well, I was mad because last year everyone went to see the Minions dressed as Oppenheimer. And then this year I went to see Oppenheimer dressed as a Minion and no one else came. So you've told us your preferred banana. Ripeness. Thank you for asking. Yeah.

I feel better now. I feel better now. I was just like worried about all the cheese whizz a yeah yeah i don't think i was never a cheese whiz guy i'm scared of how much i consumed i was thinking about craft singles the individually wrapped yeah yeah don't yeah that's a bad one too i think but i bet it would be good on like a homemade cheeseburger oh yeah yeah i went to a bar in somewhere in ont, and they had a cheeseburger that was exactly like the most delicious kind of cafeteria burger that you can remember. And it had like Kraft Singles, the whole thing.

It was amazing. Yeah. Do you ever think Sean Connery ordered Kraft Singles and someone showed up and covered his roof with cheese. Or they gave him a disease. Here's your shingles. You know, in a restaurant ordering Kraft Singles. You know what? I just want the Kraft Singles.

If you could just hold the burger and just keep them coming. Kraft Singles for the whole bar. Okay. that's keep them coming Kraft Singles for the whole bar okay I think honestly I think a burger

is the only way Kraft Singles can be justified yeah and I'm vegetarian so I'm even thinking just like a veggie burger yeah

yeah yeah that's what I'm thinking otherwise I don't think they have any place in this world mm-hmm and yet I've

eaten plenty on their own would it be funny to go through airport security and just have a suitcase just packed with Kraft Singles? Or a bomb vest. No, it's just Kraft Singles. But they're all rolled. You're acting like they're crazy? What?

Yeah. Easy what? Yeah. Well, is that, could it be justifiably said that Kraft Singles are just Cheez Whiz that you've like. Yeah. It's flattened out. Yeah, flattened out and dried. I think I, again, I was never Cheez Whiz or Kraft. Well, Kraft Singles.

That's a good way to get your Cheez Whiz through our prosecutor. Because they do make like an okay grilled cheese. So I feel like that's kind of the traditional like, you know, middle of the road. But those are the only two places like you wouldn't eat one

just straight. I would though. I mean, I wouldn't now, but I have. Yeah, same. But I over consume so much that I can't. You know what I mean?

Like I would take like half the pack and before my family got up and I would eat them and watch cartoons and I would stuff the wrappers under the couch. I was disgusting. I did that with my kids too. Yeah. Yeah. The, um, do you have anything else that's like used to eat it? Absolutely can't eat it anymore. I feel like I've got some of those. Um well you're both vegetarians so i can think of one thing oh so i had a weak moment like in this uh the the breakup i already mentioned it twice i feel weird but how long has it been it's been like six months that's that's a short amount of time dealing with yeah so year at least year

at least i had a weird thing where i tried chicken like just a little piece of chicken because it was like super stressful moment i was just like i don't know maybe chicken was yeah yeah some people started smoking drinking yeah i started smoking but i'm back on the vape so i'm i don't know if that's better anyway uh you yeah. You need to start vaping. Check it. How'd you know my new flavor? You get like a little KFC. And the vape, when I smoke it, it makes a fart noise. That was a pre-show conversation. A pre-show callback.

They don't belong here, but we'll do them anyway. Yeah, for the audience, just so you know, if there's anything you're not laughing at, it was funny half an hour ago. And I think I actually called you out on something right off the bat that happened before we started recording, too. That's all right. Everyone's going to be like, what a bitch. Why is she coming at him like that?

Well, she's got a she's got she's got breakup she's got breakup fever oh yeah so what I was saying so I got distracted but I ate a

very small little piece of chicken and it was so gross it was it was like melting in my mouth

type that's exactly what you would want softness it's like I can't stand like weird textures like avocado and and avocado like you know these squishies yeah what are you like i

don't know some textures i just can't handle anyway the chicken i did not like the taste i did not like the texture i was just like oh i'm still you're oh yeah fully pescatarian or whatever you're still a vegetarian I'll never eat an avocado again oh yeah avocado is a meat right yeah what about mushrooms I love mushrooms

oh they're a big texture killer for people yeah they're kind of rubbery but they're delicious yeah I like something more firm

I think in my mouth banana wise have you overdone it on something and then had to just like my guy not at all Dave has an iron constitution

so he can eat but I you know too much of anything is rough stuff. The one I can't get into, and I've never been able to get into, is kiwi fruit. Kiwi fruit. I don't like seeds, and I don't like that that's almost entirely seeds. I only discovered later in life that I'm allergic to it, probably, because I was like, well, it does have that burning sensation when you eat it, right?

They're like, no, that's connery. Is it burning part of the taste? Yeah. Like when you take a bite of it and your genitals burn? We're going to get two different doctors in here. Ear, nose, and chode. Oh, my God. Amber. Yes. Amber.

Yes. Recently. About Kiwi? No. What is your take on Kiwi? What's your Kiwi take? Because you got serious. No.

Amber. Kiwi talk. Let's get real. Do you partake? They're also weird because you cut them in half, right? And kind of scoop them out. That's so perfect. I like that about them. Yeah right and kind of scoop them out but that's so perfect I like that about them

yeah it's like a soft boiled egg yeah I like a soft boiled egg though yeah I just went so wide Amber not that long ago you host a show every month

yeah at the Anza Club it's actually twice a month now so the second and fourth Thursday okay twice a month you co-host it with a guy named dustin crc and it's a great show it's great show yeah quality show quality venue but the last time i was there right in the middle of snow like just as the snow

had fallen snowed out you got snowed in yeah everyone was snowed in, so nobody came out. Yeah. So there was like seven people there. Okay, George Carlin. There's seven people that you can't say on television. Yeah. No, I mean like, you're snowed in and we were snowed out. Nobody ever talks about that era of George Carlin when they're like, well, Carlin was the master.

Why do they say you get on the plane, you get in the plane? It was like the worst part of his career. He just didn't say a punchline. He'd just say all that kind of stuff. Oh, I think that was a long era. Dave's more of a, I'm trying to think of who would have been a contemporary. I don't know.

I remember I was never into him. And when the people who were really into him in stand-up, you could tell. Yeah. They just weren't quite getting it. They were trying to do it and it just wasn't happening. Dave's more of a Paw Patrol fan. Oh, for sure. Yeah.

What's your favorite of the characters? Oh, Marshall's the funny one. Marshall, Marshall rules. Yeah. What's your favorite of the characters? Oh, Marshall's the funny one. Marshall, Marshall rules. He's so clumsy. Is he the bulldog? No. No. Who's the bulldog?

Oh, I don't know. Stoney? Cliff? I don't know. Stoney is always high. Yeah. But like, there were seven people in the show. It was a lot of fun.

Is that the least number of people that you've performed definitely or no the least number that you've performed no i've performed to way less like what's the what's the absolute bottom number that you consider like i can perform in front of this it's around there but have you ever played for two i've played for two that's my lowest i'm sure in the beginning, especially. Yeah. When you're just like really just trying to work out how to say a sentence in the microphone. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, definitely.

I've been in one where there was two people and they weren't sitting together. There was one guy here, one guy in the back. That's better, I think. You think? Well, it's hard to work the room. Doing a lot of crowd work with no crowd. Yeah, you guys sitting here. You guys in a relationship. Anyone celebrating anything? doing a lot of crowd work with no crowd yeah are you guys sitting here

you guys in a relationship anyone celebrating anything no okay well just yeah it's hard though because you kind of burn through material a lot quicker than yeah you gotta gas it but also like you kind of just sometimes i just do no material and do crowd work or just i don't know try some new ideas I have off the top of my head, like just riff or whatever. But I used to do this room in Toronto when I first started called Groove Bar and it was way out east, almost in Scarborough. Okay. And it was like one of the most ill-attended nights. Toronto's most ill-attended comedy show.

No, but I was so new, But I knew I could usually get up. Yeah. You know, you knew you could get up at rooms like that. So you'd go out to them so you could at least just say the words because I was just like super inarticulate when I first started and I had to like figure out how to talk in front of people. And look at you now, talking like everybody else. Is this right?

Am I doing it? Well, I don't know. These are words. I feel like these. I feel like that was a big sitcom thing in the 80s and 90s is someone would say a big word and then like the dumb person would say a big word and they would find out they got a word a day calendar. Yes,

it was a good game. They're still running that joke. Somebody's still saying that joke. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, there's a. Now it would be an app. That's still saying that joke, I think. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, there's a... Now it would be an app.

That's true. That would be Wordle. You're such a good writer. Thank you. I was thinking of, at one point long ago, we talked about how on Saved by the Bell, they had one really funny joke about eloping, that you can't elope. Screech, you can't elope. And then he says, who are you calling a cantaloupe you melon head right that was from television so i thought i wrote that

joke um i guess not do you ever see a stand-up who does a joke and is like oh this is a joke i've heard since i was 10 yes and you don't know how to break it to them. Like, do they know that this is like, cause if they know, then that's fine. Yeah. But if they think they've come up with something new,

that's always with new people. Oh, but just for the listeners, if we ever talk about what A&W stands for, I did not write that joke. Just so we're clear. Dave, while we're here though,

what does A&W stand for? What do you know? I do not, actually. I think it's... Don't do this to me. Not in front of a girl. I believe it stands for Ambigas and Whoopio. Yes.

Ambigas and Whoopio? Yeah. Oh, I love that, actually. But I was thinking about a show that had a funny, like had one funny line and it was full house and there was a Joey gets caught kissing somebody. He's not supposed to, I don't remember who,

but he said that he was trying to Heimlich him and it didn't work. So he used the Hoover maneuver. That's good. That's good. Right. That's a pretty good joke. Wait. Oh,

I got confused. Cause I thought it was going to be the joy that goes, whoa. But that's from Blossom. No, that's Blossom, yeah. Who would have known that Blossom would end up being an astrophysicist? What was her thing she did? Who would have known? You couldn't have called it. Did you watch Blossom as a kid?

Oh, yeah. Yeah? Was it your, like, what was your go-to kind of child-level sitcoms? I've talked about Step by Step. Well, I watched, like, TGIF for sure. So that was. What was your era of TGIF? It was Family Matters.

Yeah. Urkel. Did I do that? Was it still Full House when you were watching it? Maybe Full House. yeah Urkel did I do that that's pretty good was it still Full House when you were watching it

maybe Full House I don't know Mr. Cooper step by step yeah man I watch all the TV like you can name every show

and I probably watched it love it Family Ties I watched so much I would watch whatever was on yeah

I love TV I loved it like I hated home improvement. Probably seen every episode. What's his thing? What's his thing? Yeah, that. I have no idea what you're talking about.

He was doing it in Santa Claus. He was doing it in everything. Can you imagine going to see a comedian like you've never heard of? And like, it's your first time seeing them and he does that. He does this like... You'd either be like, this guy's the future of comedy or this guy's insane.

It was that kind of era though because Arsenio was like... Yeah, that's true. And then there was that bird comedian who was like... The bird comedian. He can do impressions of birds or he has birds. Yeah.

Both. He'd be like, this is a sparrow. So before the show, we were talking about, I have to do it. Yeah, yeah. We were talking about me doing a sound effects album. Everyone was just very supportive of me before the show. Everyone was like, Dave, you're great at sound effects. Graham also told me I did a great robot dance.

You did a really good robot dance. And, but the album would be sound effects, but everyone, and it would be like, this is a chicken, but then the sound effect would just be a fart. Yeah. But like, can you do the fart that you did because that was phenomenal

which one the one that you did earlier just the no the the silent that's what would you call

your sound effects album episode 829 and stop podcasting yourself yeah i remember in college we had to make like edit together a narrative and like you'd go through every sound effects you'd be like track nine cut it out put it in and that's how you like but it would be like door opening slow, door opening quick, door opening creaky. You know, that would be like, and then it'd be like, okay, but I need other sounds that aren't

doors. I remember in high school we had to do plays, like in drama, and we would, you know, you'd have to, you know, one of the assignments was just to figure out the effects and stuff. And so, like, working'd have to, you know, one of the assignments was just to figure out the effects and stuff. And so like working the lighting board, like, okay, there's lightning now.

And then you go up and down with the lighting and then you, someone else gets the thunder sound from the, on the CD and tries to sync it up. Oh, I love it. It's terrible though. Like you can never quite time it right. Cause there's like two seconds between when you just. It's just you doing both? Maybe, man. Fuck, that would be hard.

Yeah. When shaking an aluminum. On the ones and twos. Yeah. Oh, yeah, like a baking sheet. Yeah. Now, when I saw you at your show last, you just purchased, I believe you just purchased, a crazy carpet?

Oh, shit, yeah, I didn't get to use it. No. No. And that's, it's so. It's like a sled. I'm so mad because what if it doesn't snow again? All the snow's already melted. So I had to go to Kelowna.

And there was no snow in Kelowna. There was snow in Kelowna, but I didn't bring the crazy carpet. See, this is, yeah. And then. Comedy of errors. So there's a ton of snow here. Then I had to leave to Kelowna. And then when I got back from Kelowna, all the snow had been washed away by the rain.

So you just. Yeah, I just didn't do it. Well, winter is young. That's right. Yeah. Although by the time this episode is out, we may have had a visit from ye old groundhog. I'm interested to what they have to say this year. Yeah.

What's our, in the States, it's Punxsutawneyville. In Canada, it's Wyerton Willie. What's the one in like New Brunswick? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is. It's like Shadow Magoo, Shoop in a Caddy, Sam or something. Skillless

sail bow cow. Yeah. No, I once looked it up and there's like 40 operating in North America. There's 40? Holy. Wow. That's a lot of pressure. To put on one rodent.

And they don't agree. No, that's right. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. So then there's like the. Yeah. It's like, do we need to get the electoral college involved? And I always like didn't understand because it's always they see their own shadow.

But how do you know what they are able to see? And you know what I mean? You hold it up to the ground. I guess you stand out, stand where they are. And what if like the groundhogs, like they all have varying IQs, you know, like what if one is like a D, C grade groundhog? Yeah. You know, how do you know who to trust? It's like doctors.

Yeah. You don't know what kind of grades they got. That's true. I only recently have I gone to a doctor and like looked at

what their degree actually says. I've like, cause I was just like, those are degrees. I don't, I don't need to check in, but it's like maybe

a university you've never heard of or something. Yeah. You know, like technically they're a doctor. I guess.

What is, what are you afraid of? Are you going to some quack? Yeah, I'm afraid I go to a quack. I'm afraid that, you know, I don't want to be misdiagnosed. I don't want to be sent for unnecessary surgery. Those are my big two. I just want to be listened to. Yeah.

What's really frustrating is like when you Google what you've got and then the doctor tells you that and you're like, I'm already past that. I've already Googled that answer. I need the next one. I've tried that. Have you ever like, uh, had like just slight symptoms of things and then tried to put it together into a, like a profile online of being like, okay, well this, this, this, and this, what's

the comment my hands are shaking and my knees are weak can you stand on your own two feet i'm all shook up doc and then the doc already just said that to you yeah that's what i said now he's uh he recommended i go down to the end of Lonely Street check the hotel go fuck yourself heartbreak hospital do you ever do that Amber

you like I know a lot of people like go to the doctor all the time I don't go as much as I probably should but

yeah I probably go less than I should maybe yeah but you're not like oh i gotta sniffle i gotta go to that yeah no i if it's pretty severe i go with a doctor but um what's the severest thing you've yeah um kidney stone that's way too personal you don't have to answer it. I've ate kiwi and I've. Dunked full up. Down there, another region, burning sensation. No, I don't know.

I guess the main thing, like I was going to the doctor before was like I found out I was borderline anemic. Oh, okay. But I was really going to the doctor because of depression. Sure. And which is like more under control now. But yeah, that helped that they found out I had really low blood iron because as soon as I got on supplements, then I had more energy. And then that's less lethargy. Right. And lethargy is like, you know, best friends with depression.

So do you take iron supplements? Supplements, yeah. Do you do pills or do you do the iron water? No, I do Feramax. Feramax. So it's a capsule. Capsules, okay. Like vegetarian capsules.

Yeah. And it's vegetarian out there. And yeah, it's helped a lot. When I miss taking it, I can feel it. Yeah. Does it taste like a penny to you? Yeah, sometimes I drink it with warm water or like tea or something. And then I'm like, whoa.

Yeah, that and there's individual like water ones that you can get. And they just like feel like you're swallowing a penny. Like it's just. Yeah, it tastes like blood. Are you anemic? No, but everybody can use more iron i guess i mean anybody who doesn't eat meat probably has to like sure you know i just uh when i'm ironing my shirt i just lick the iron a few times oh that's can i see your tongue no taste buds no wrinkles i tried on my my skin yeah starchy

I think he's on to something um I got a perfect crease down my thighs down my shins you're uh

what's your ironing style do you do one leg at a time do you do both at the same time do you flip around I don't iron shit

dude I take my stuff out of the dryer. I hang it up right away. If something is a little bit wrinkly, it's usually like the placket on a shirt or the... The what? The placket where the buttons go.

Okay. Word of day calendar. Word of day. And I'll just spray some water on that and hang it in the bathroom okay and then that flatten it out nice damps it yeah he likes his clothes damn i like my clothes if you go to a lot of hotels now they tell you there's a sign on the wall to not hang your clothes on the extinguisher thing because i guess that's the sprinkler the sprinkler yeah yeah yeah like it's happened so much they're like oh we're gonna put a sign in every suite

well because if it breaks it goes off i know but why would you be hanging your stuff from it because it's a thing to hang stuff from where i've got this hook where do i hang it to oh this is the guy we found the guy who was doing it no i don't but i did i had an old job i used to me and another guy uh it was in an office and someone ordered like a ball of um elastic bands like you can order them i guess in a in a giant ball already balled up and me and a guy i was working with were shooting them at the um sprinkler and someone was like uh a warrior shooting them at the sprinkler. Someone was like, if you break the little capsule, the little Faramax

capsule in there. Is that what it's called? He will destroy the office. Yeah. But yeah, that's like an old trick that I've heard you hang it up in the bathroom run the shower to steam it out it doesn't it doesn't work it doesn't work and it makes your garment feel damp so now you've just got a damp i think it just infuriates you i think it's that's what it does yeah i don't really think it takes many wrinkles though no definitely in a pinch bin yeah this doesn't work yeah it

doesn't work and it's one of those road hacks that i i've been told is like yeah good one but then it's the same thing like what who am i trying to impress here who's when i'm going up on stage and as a traveling comedian when you're you're making your chef by rd in the hotel coffee pot when you're performing for two separate people. Yeah. One of them's like, fucking wear a... Wear a new shirt, dude. Another one's like, are we even in Scarborough or Toronto?

Well, there's a statue of bare-naked ladies, so we must be in Scarborough. Scarborough. I didn't see that one coming. That was good. Frigging Venus de Milo statue of Mary and the Lady. That was a good reference. Are they the most famous Scarboroughites?

Oh, isn't like. They must be because I've never heard anyone else is from Scarborough. No, Russell Peters isn't from Scarborough. He's from somewhere. Oh, I don't ramp. Let's not. I mean. I don't really know what the cities are. Sorry I brought it up.

It's fine if they're all white, okay? Oh. We can speculate if they're all white. Okay, you think Barenaked Ladies are all white. Hmm. Okay. I have a certain dreadlocked drummer i'd like to introduce you to he's a contemporary of adam duritz oh my goodness um yeah i'm into black culture. I listen to Counting Crows.

Now, you travel for comedy, yes? Yeah, I'm going to Halifax for the weekend. Are you really? This weekend? Yeah, I'm headlining Yak Yaks. Nice. This weekend. This weekend. So, listeners will have missed it, but I don't know of,

I haven't heard of Vancouver comedians going to Halifax for one weekend. Wait, so listeners will have missed it, but I don't know of, I haven't heard of Vancouver comedians going to Halifax for one weekend. Yeah. Is it only for the one weekend? I'm desperate, man. It's so far. It's so far. I just started headlining though, so I'm just headlining wherever it is possible in Canada

that they'll let me. But just, are you doing other shows when you're on the East Coast? I usually only perform for really small crowds. Yeah, I might too. That's right. But we'll give you a shot.

What is, like, do you have to, if you're, do you start on Thursday? No, Friday. Okay.

Yeah. And then, so you leave on Thursday though? Yeah, I leave on Thursday right after my cool fun show. Okay. I go straight to the airport.

Red Eye? Yeah, Red Eye. And I got a show Friday night and Saturday night. And then you fly back on Sunday? I'm going to hang out there for maybe a day or three. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not two. Because I heard there's like a lot of flooding

and like really bad weather happening. So it'd be cool to be in that. To get to be a part of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The winter on the East Coast, come on. Yeah, beautiful time of year. You got to be in that. To get to be a part of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The winter on the East Coast, come on. Yeah, beautiful time of year. You got to get out there.

You got to feel the fresh air. For sure, yeah. You feel the wind whip your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll feel whipped for sure. Go on the East Coast. Better read the shipping news. Yeah, depending on the film or TV show you're watching,

it's either that the East Coast is the happiest place around and the people are so friendly or it's just like a desolate wasteland. It feels very British. It feels very similar to Vancouver in like the winter. I think like the overcast, the raininess. The day gets snow. Yeah, but they're going to, yeah, it's going to be a bitch. Oh my God. Have you ever been before? I better can't. Oh, my God. Have you ever been before?

I better can't. It's not too late. Have you been before? Yeah, I just went to open, though. I just went to middle. And then, yeah, then they're like, yeah, we'll headline you. And I'm like, okay, I better hurry before they change their mind. They call you on the Friday morning.

I don't care. If you're here already, go back. They just posted a story. The tickets are almost sold out. I'm like, what? You might be pranked. Is there someone else on the show that's really famous? Yeah, that's true.

It's a two-seat club, though. Tickets are almost sold out. Only two tickets left. I remember I performed in Vancouver on the opening night of the 2010 Olympics. Oh yeah. And there were, I think six people in the entire 200 seat yuck yucks did you have anybody like where you're like wow i can't believe you're here on the opening day of the olympics and somebody going like oh shit i'm supposed to carry the torch

no you could just see the people were like you know know what? We don't care about the Olympics. Let's not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess what the comedians talked about the entire time. You don't care about the Olympics. No one read the room.

They were just like, yeah. I've seen a lot of comics. They are having tours and then they'll have like a thing next to one of the dates saying like selling fast or almost out. And I'm like, is that just a ploy to sell those tickets faster? Is that actually the case? Well, that's what I thought with Halifax. We actually haven't sold any, but we want to create a false.

I'm going to get fired for sure. No, like, yeah, I wonder about that because like I'm the type of person of person, I'm old school, so, like, I don't even put credits. I'm old school. I watched Family Matters. You know, like, back in the day, we would get in trouble for putting certain credits unless we opened for a person in that festival or whatever. Like, if we gave ourselves a credit for that festival. Oh, yeah. But now, like, you know, everyone just, they put on their indie show and it's in the festival and then everyone on the

shows got the credit. Everyone. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Credit. Like,

um, so yeah, I used to like really have like this crazy kind of bold school mentality about like all that kind of stuff, but there was selling fast, like relying on a resume I would never do. So it just gets shitty. I would be honest. stuff but there was selling fast like relying on a resume i would never do so it wouldn't just get shitty jobs because i should be honest i got my resume look my uh my resume shit but it's honest

yeah what's this what's this uh four-year gap in your resume i was doing fuck all like yeah i was just yeah maybe it's also because I'm Christian or whatever. I'm Christian. How Christian are you? I don't know. I'm way more Christian, I think, than I realize. Do you go to church? No, but I have.

I have that deep, embedded brainwash. Oh, sure. What sect, bro? Baptist, yo. Baptist? Yeah. Did you go every Sunday? I've been baptized.

Yeah, I went every Sunday, I think until I was about, I would say, 12. And then my mom was like, okay, so it was a pressure from her parents because they were Christian and they went every Sunday. And then she was just like, hey guys, I'm a witch, so. I've been trying to send you clues and wearing a plenty hat. Carrying a broom everywhere. I've been toiling and troubling. Lying around the neighborhood. Yeah, I went to church every week until I was about two weeks old. Remember the baptismal?

It's really ingrained in you. Yeah, I wore a big long baptism dress. Oh my gosh. Every service? Yeah, like Celine Dion. Did you always, if we went to church, it was always on the table. It didn't necessarily happen every time, but there would be, there it was always on the table it didn't necessarily happen every time but there would be mcdonald's might be on the table yeah wow that's i'm so

jealous but i'm like it was one out of every six times but the promise was always there you know what i mean it was possible we had a similar thing where sometimes the extended family would all be at church like they wouldn't always be right and so we would all go out like my grandparents would spring for like dinner but that was very few and far between and so you'd be excited that you get to go out and eat at a restaurant yeah but you'd be like annoyed that it had to be around your relatives oh sure yeah church involved like yeah yeah and i'm wearing these like um freaking leotards that are way too small and my crotch is like i'm like yanking on the i'm so uncomfortable like i'm wearing this dress leotards a slip my grandma would make me wear all the every all the layers like and yeah

she'd be like you can't do cartwheels fuck you yeah although when you would just go with your mom, usually afterwards you'd have like eye of newt. A big old toad. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I'm a witch. Yeah, no, I think that was like a really cool move my mom made. I think it was probably really hard for her too. Yeah.

Yeah. It's. They helped us a lot too financially and just generally. The church or your relatives? No, my grandparents. Oh, yeah. So, and she was, you know. So, you had to suck it up.

Yeah, for a while. And then she was just like, nope. Nope. I'm going to tell them. My tarot card reading this morning, let me know that I have to stand up to my parents. Does she do tarot card? Yeah. Does she pronounce it tarot?

Tarot. Tarot? Parsnip? Yeah. Carrot. Carrot. Yeah, that's how it goes. Carrot.

Carrot cards. Have you ever had tarot done? No. I had it done once at like a psychic fair. You could like pay somebody to do it. Yeah. I don't remember the outcome you're either going to be uh really well off or the opposite yeah i would come unclear or

whatever yeah exactly or like an a ball and it's yeah they just had a booth that was all just a match the laziest the laziest psychic yeah just let me check shakes it under the table does not seem so I rarely see the crystal balls the which ones? a crystal ball

oh like the old school yeah like like a fortune teller at a fair or a yeah yeah, yeah.

And a circus or whatever. Have you been to a psychic? Yeah. I had my palm read once and it was really uncomfortable. Like your palm was what? It was uncomfortable. Your results? I don't know.

Or social. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know if it was a social aspect that, that she was holding my hand. My hand was getting really sweaty and hot. And then she was telling me things that like, you know, you could connect, but. Yeah. Yeah.

Like I'm, I don't know. I'm pretty, these days I'm pretty agnostic. Like I'm pretty open-minded, but I think back then I was more atheist. So I was just like, she was saying coincidental things, but I was like more, I think just weirded out by the stranger holding my hand for too long. And was she like, hard to get a reading here. Your palms are so sweaty. She's like, I'm sensing you're uncomfortable.

I'm like, yeah, is that the pool of sweat underneath your hand holding mine? I'm sensing that you're weirded out by my shit. And maybe a possible glandular problem? Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, you said you're agnostic. I'm eggnogstic.

I love this stuff. Eggnog's so good, but I can't even drink it anymore. It's so rich. Yeah. So rich, full of iron. I do one glass a year. It's always good. I do one liter a year. I was going to say, and it's the biggest always good i do one liter a year i was gonna say and it's the

biggest glass yeah you should say exactly i drink it out of a drum i do one liter a year but i like to spread it out a little bit july yeah although there is um there's a thing about aging eggnog about like if you're drinking alcoholic eggnog there's like a you you know you keep your eggnog for years and it's sort of like the way people treat sourdough and you just put it in a freezer or it just lives no no it lives in like the dark and the alcohol kills the whatever i can't do it I got no dark spots in my apartment. I wish there was one dark corner. I guess I don't really even know what you mean.

Okay. You make whatever eggnog is, cream and eggs. You make it homemade? You make it homemade. Okay. And then you put it in a jar and you add some kind of alcohol to it. Like rum? Sure. I don't know. Like rum? Sure.

I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. A spirit though. You can be, I'm sure it's not a wine. Okay. And then it, you take it out later and you drink it. Whoa.

I think you maybe like take it like a few spoonfuls out because it's so rich and then you mix it with other stuff. Right. Oh. I don't know. Like in the moonshine of nog. Yeah, maybe. I'm not educated on it. I've just heard it, you know.

I tried moonshine and it was so hard to drink. Holy cow. What is it? Yeah, I tried it once. I don't know. It's not like anything. It is moonshine. Like it's not a gin or a vodka.

It's just like, it tastes like rubbing alcohol. Because I see they sell moonshine at the actual liquor store i just thought it was like a word people used for homemade weird liquor yeah that's the stuff i've had was homemade weird liquor and it's oh it's awful i could barely get through a shot of it yeah yeah really high alcohol content it? I think that's the point. No, I haven't. I have a bottle at home. A bottle? Let's do this.

Yeah, I barely drank out of it. Well, it is noon on a Tuesday. Just like in All I Want to Do by by Sheryl Crow. Drinking beers on noon on Tuesday.

In a bar that faces a giant car wash. Oh, man. I actually heard that song come on in a grocery store at noon on a Tuesday. Nice. Did they give you a discount? No. Thank God.

I wondered if there was like, is there a service that provides the Sheryl Crow? Oh, here's a fact. Get this everybody So I was looking up This is probably a trigger warning for people I was looking up autoerotic asphyxiation Okay Yeah

Okay Because we all heard That Michael Hutchins from InXS died That's how he died That's how he died Do you know this? R.I.P. I love him Yeah I didn't know that's how he died though That's how he died. Do you know this? RIP. I love him.

Yeah. I didn't know that's how he died. He didn't. That's the rumor. That's not true. Oh, really? Not even a rumor. It's something after he died. They know how he died.

It was suicide. Okay. And it, but then his ex-wife like said, oh, or maybe it was this. Like she didn't know. She was just talking shit. Wow. And then that's what everyone believes. Shit.

But you know who did? A member of Sheryl Crow's Tuesday Night Music Club. Oh, shit. Which one? Was it Matthew? Was it Randy? It wasn't Sheryl.

Surely it wasn't Sheryl. No, Sheryl's alive. Okay, good. Sheryl's with us. Anyway, so that's what's going on with me no no no

what's going on with me is I went to see the hit movie musical Mean Girls oh shit

okay jealous yeah you should be so smug musical Mean Girls. Oh, shit. Okay. Yeah, you should be. So smug. I'm special. I'm special. I bought a ticket. Now, was this a solo venture? No, this was a family venture.

Oh, everybody's going to Mean Girls. Now, it's not for kids. No. But we had watched the other Mean Girls earlier the lesser mean did your kids like it wow yeah yeah okay they liked the first one enough that they were like we gotta see this musical okay although i told them in the theater like five minutes before we're starting you know this is a musical right and they were like what

it's too late to get a refund. But when I watched that, because I saw the original in theater as well, and I rewatched it a few weeks ago, and it is so good. The musical? No, the original. Oh, the original's amazing.

Yeah. Have you seen the original? Yeah. Do you like it? Yeah, it's really good. What's so great about it is there are like 10 people who have two lines. Yes. Like other students and teachers who just get two lines and they're all great.

Yeah. Like they have like, they nail their lines. Their lines are iconic. Yeah. And then in this musical, there's a lot of, we enjoyed it, but there's a lot of like the same dialogue from the original. Right. And those lines have become so iconic that the people who are performing them now are like musical theater people. I get the chance to say freaking.

Oh, yeah. She doesn't even go here or whatever. No, actually that guy gets all the lines. Um, yeah. What's, give me an example of one of these one liner.

Oh, there's a character who's like, uh, uh, Regina George is a, uh, you know, there's the girl who,

you know, there has a rumor about this girl made out with a hot dog. No. yes. And her line is, uh, that was one time. There's a girl who's like Regina George once punched me in the face. It was awesome. Okay. Yes.

There's a girl who, uh, is like, uh, I don't know. Wow. You got two though. Well, there's the girl who says, I just, I forget what she says, but she though I was Well there's the girl Who says I just I forget what she says But she's at the big thing

At the end And she's like I just wish we could all Go back to Being happy Or whatever I forget her line But then

The line after that Is it She doesn't even go here Is there a line God Guys I didn't realize I was going to be put

On the freaking spot I'm sweating Like I'm visiting a freaking hand. I'm red. Oh my gosh. And it's like, yeah, it's like,

yeah. Yeah. What's a, do you have like a favorite? I have a favorite of a, like a character that only has one line in a movie. Like where you repeat that line. For me, it's in... Back to the Future 2?

No. Which one is that? The guy who goes, I think he took his wallet. Yes, yeah. That's a good one. There's one in Raising Arizona where a woman gives Nicolas Cage his paycheck and she goes, government take a bite, don't she

you only see her for that second she says one line I love that character already yeah yeah it's like but like you get

the whole sense of the character for one line yeah I guess I don't I don't think I you're a big movie fan I am a big movie fan

but I'm not a very my brain isn't a verbatim brain if that makes any yeah yeah yeah so i'm just like so non-linear that i don't yeah you like vibes i think that's why i have to write my own stand-up because i like actually if i wrote sentences down on a piece of paper and try to publish it people would be like what so she writes her own stand-up. Who writes yours, Graham? Huh? Bruce Willingham.

Yeah, you got to get Bruce. A lot of people say he's retired or maybe dead. I hope he's still with us, Bruce Willingham. Yeah, I think that's actually a part. I think you and I were talking about that restaurant that Kino turned into. Oh, like once we were trying to remember what it's called. And it's like steak and like steak and, uh, something weird like steak and cherry or what is it called?

Then we talked about it again later and I'm like, uh, croissant. Like I never remember anything specific. It's black walnut. Yeah. Walnut and steak. But it is steak and fish is the thing.

Yeah. So we're saying, you were saying it's fish and I'm like croissant. Yeah, fish. Anyway. Because in French it's poisson and the croissant is delicious. Now I just lean into that I'm like that. So I just like. That's good, yeah.

Yeah, I give up really. No, but the world needs people like you. Thank you. Thank you. I really needed to hear that today yeah thank you i have no my life's falling apart right now i have no wi-fi everything's fine wait what happened yeah um so as part of the breakup yeah basically he was covering the wi-fi and i just sent him some money and then he was like i was going on the road, you know, when you're just,

your life's kind of jumbled up. And I was like, I gotta go out of town. And I didn't realize the wife, I was getting cut when I was, when I had left town, I thought it was next month and I came home to no wifi and then, so my life, then I was like at the library using the wifi, I remember those days. Cause like I had days where it was, uh, the wifi existed,

but I just did not have it. And so I'd go to the library. But then I'm also like not good at, so I was like codependent with him in a way that I would do certain things. He would do certain things. Like, so I'm not good with tech and stuff like that. And I'm like,

well, I don't know. I just call like who, I don't even know what company to call. And what do I say? Do I get, can I get some? Hey,

Ghostbusters, can you hook me up with some like kilowatts of, can we get a couple of kilowatts? Can I get a couple of pints of internet? I only use the internet 23 hours a day. What do I plan to do? How many? What?

Have you ever been to an internet cafe? Remember those? Oh yes. Oh yeah. Yeah. I've been to an internet cafe remember those oh yes yeah i've been to many internet cafes always it was one person like doing some kind of research 10 guys playing video games with uh you know and sometimes i remember going to a cafe where it was everything was in the back it was like a regular convenience store in the front and then there was a whole back area with like 20 guys all playing video games and i'm just trying to It was like a regular convenience store in the front and then there was a whole back area with like 20 guys all playing video games. And I'm just trying

to print out like a resume. To get a job at the internet company. Yeah. I promise I'm really good at tech. Now how do I

print this? I hope it wasn't with that dastardly Mr. Robot. No, it wasn't Mr. Robot. This was a blockchain mining site.

Were you lying on the resume? No, he's Christian. You are? No. Dave! You don't just willy-nilly call someone Christian when they're not. Yeah, yeah. He went to church in his childhood.

Killed his mother. You know, drew a big pentagram on the floor. Yeah. I'm a witch. I'm a warlock. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm a lycanthrope, which is...

Yeah, what is that? I don't know what that is. And I'm a mage the um uh yeah i remember once i worked at a coffee shop and somebody applied with their resume and their headshot and i thought that was so funny that they they got hired were they good looking yeah but also it's just so funny, like, here you go. Here's my resume and a headshot. And here's my demo tape. I'd love it

if we could listen to it while I serve coffee. He's like, car, car. I'd love it if Tim Allen was trying to get

his catchphrase into everything. How about instead of infinity and Beyond, we go with... He does car commercials too, doesn't he? He does truck commercials. That's Ford. I know he does commercials for Binford.

Yeah, that's true. He's a Binford man. So anyway, Mean Girls. It's got songs. Singing's so good is anybody from the original make a guest appearance oh everyone from the original

is in it oh yeah Tim Meadows and Liz Lemon Tina Fey play the same characters oh they do yeah

do they sing no there's a very funny part where it's like it goes quiet and Tina Fey is about to like, seems like she's about to sing, says, well, and then stops. Amazing. I guess I spoiled a joke.

Who else? Lindsay Lohan makes a appearance as the judge in the mathletes. Oh, yeah. Mathletes. That's right. Yeah. And the guy who

plays Aaron Samuels is way too old. Like, everyone else you can kind of buy as a high schooler, but

the boy they're fighting over is like 27. And isn't he a host on the Food Network? The guy who played the hunky guy

the original one yeah oh I don't know I'm pretty sure he's the host of like Baking Challenge or something like that good yeah

yeah he landed on his feet what does that mean he's a guy he's a guy who never did anything he did worse yeah

there's a guy who came out of his troubles he worked with Tina Fey and then he hey you know what came out of his troubles. He worked with Tina Fey and then he went to... Hey, you know what? I'd be glad

to have that gig, I'll tell you that. All those people I said that have one good line, they never needed to do anything else. That's true. They're iconic in an iconic film. And I named two and a half of them. Yeah.

Not too bad. The woman who played Moana's in it. Oh, yeah. All right, never mind. What? So, yeah, that's all. That's all? Any questions?

How many stars? Oh, let's see. There's the three plastics. There's Damien and Janice. There's Katie Heron. I'm M.Y.D. rate it. Oh. I like that.

I'm just counting how many actors are in it. I don't know. Out of five? Yeah. I'm not generous. I'd say two and a half I don't give above three to much But a money ball

That's five right Money ball is four and a half Oh you are you're tough I've I got letterboxed on my phone Do you know what that is It's an app to keep track of Movies

And you rate them And i don't have very many uh five out of fives oh you rank uh you rank them i see yeah yeah yeah and then but i mostly use it just to keep track of movies i want to see right because i'm always like live action when are they gonna do live action it's happeningana? It's happening! Really? Yeah, The Rock's playing The Rock. Oh, wow. Is Ali Cravalho playing Moana again? That's entirely possible. I don't know.

I don't know. Well... Played Janice in Mean Girls. What's going on with you? Now, did we talk last week about snow, snow days? Kids staying home from snow days? Did we talk about it? What day is it today?

It's a Tuesday. I think when we recorded last week, it was about to happen. Yeah. And then it was, there was some snow, like snowy storm. Mm-hmm. And, because I walked home in the snowy storm from here. And then it was Vancouver's classic classic couple of days of snow where things just go bananas because we also had a snow a small snowstorm the week before and you talked about the woman who jumped out of her car as it was

sliding down the hill what yeah there's a video online. It's pretty cool. Wow. But I was just thinking about the crazy carpet. And I remember asking you if you're sledding. Why did you? Like, we thought you must have seen us driving to go sledding. No, I just, I was like, no, I feel like this is something. You texted me like five minutes after we arrived at the sled hill. Yeah. You sled?

Did you sled? Yeah, we sled hill. Yeah. You sled? Did you sled? Yeah, we sledded. Sick. What kind of, what's your, what do you have? What's our setup? What kind of gear? You got a GT? No, there was a GT there, though.

Yeah? Oh, shit. I saw some kids whipping around on GTs. I was like, nice. Yeah, that's cool. There was a, I took a, so we have just like kind of mid-sized plasticky um like crazy carpet nope like a like a hard plastic yeah hard plastic handles on the side yeah and like the disc one well we have two little soft disc ones with sky from paw patrol on them okay and then we also have

two kind of mid-sized not the long plastic ones ones, but like a middle-sized plastic one. Okay. I'm thinking of the long one, but yeah, I'm picturing it shorter and I can picture it. Oh, like the ones that are like little pools? Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. They're concave.

Yeah. Yeah. And then where, what was the hill? It was Queen Elizabeth Park. Oh, that's a big hill. Well, not really. The one, the area we go to is right by just a little hill up to the uh tennis courts yeah and then uh there was a family there

and there was this kind of there's a dad that was like the ultimate like canadian kind of grown-up banger that was like dressed in like he didn't have snow gear on he was wearing a hoodie that had like you know a heavy metal skull stuff on it and jeans

so Vancouver and jeans so Vancouver and he he his kids his kids like would fall down

and go ah shit and their mom would be like watch your lip Jesus Christ watch it but then the dad would be like, watch your lip. Jesus Christ. Watch it. But then the dad would be like, holy shit. Where did you learn this language?

But yeah, so I went to the park and there was like a little lip in the park. So little kids were, that's where they were. And it was Heather Park. Yeah. Yeah. We were there that day. I was there walking the dogs that day. And I'm like, no way you're getting any enjoyment out of this. But, Heather Park? Yeah. Yeah. We were there that day. I was there walking the dogs that day. And I'm like, no way you're getting any enjoyment out of this.

But you know what? Put a two-year-old in there. That's true. They think you're going light speed, you know? Yeah. And they're unable to climb back up. That's the hardest part of sledding anyway. Yeah.

It was always, I mean, it felt worth it when you were going down, but it was never long enough to justify uh dragging the sled back up the hill yeah did you have in your youth did you have a hill oh yeah we had some pretty good hills like we were in like government funded housing so we were in kind of in like a ditch so a built-in hill we're in like a swamp where was this area um in Brantford, Ontario. Yeah. And everyone was like, uh, yeah, like this, this, like our houses were sinking, like how was it? Like trees were falling on our houses and stuff. Like, yeah, it was really like the worst place you could build.

Like, that's why it was cheap. Right. But, um, so we had like really steep hills all the way around our whole complex. And, um, we had this one, like less steep hill that I would snowboard on and we'd like build a ramp and I could actually go off a ramp on a snowboard, which I don't even, I have no idea if I'd be able to do that now. But, um, the really steep ones on inside, like closer to our house, we would go down, but at the bottom was like a parking lot. So the kids would slide right under cars like we would always break our legs and stuff it was crazy and the hill was like this steep like it was like more than 45 degrees yeah like 46 47 yeah it could be a 48 i

don't know 48.5 yeah yeah it was crazy i don, it would like ice over and we'd still be going down it. We'd be like traveling like halfway around the complex on the like road. Yeah. Yeah. We took our kids sledding in Whistler last year and it was the place we went. We were like, oh, it'll be perfect. We're in the mountains. It's a ski resort.

It was just ice and it was. Oh yeah. When it's just ice. Not just scary, just painful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You do that. Pardon the t, just painful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's, uh, it's beautiful when it's around. It doesn't last very long in Vancouver. Cause it eventually starts raining and melted all the way. But was it you that was telling me like, you ought to put some padding between, you gotta put some,

something soft underneath your butt. If you're going to take that. Yeah. Like at least two layers. More than you. I think you wore me and then somebody else and i'm like yeah i guess i haven't sledded in a while like it's gonna be a lot yeah there's always like a point where it becomes too either painful or exhausting to go back up the hill yeah like it it's so much fun but then did you go in the concave yeah i went in everything oh you took all the sleds all the different yeah well there's four of us in the family there's four sleds on the disc one do you go on your knees no oh yeah but

but okay yeah uh crisscross applesauce style so you're okay mainly but predominant um but forward yeah he's serving but that's what my uh that's what my uh sound effects album's called serving but um yeah it was good it was good did you do anything wintry no just walked around did you eat cocoa yeah i ate cocoa i poured cocoa in the snow and then i ate it we always try to do that with the maple syrup yeah uh but it it never turns out like uh charlie yeah i was gonna say charlie did uh charlie demers did it this year and it worked out but uh he has he's got quebecois roots yeah yeah there's yeah oh yeah it's not for uh plebes

you know you need to be have your heritage from there yeah right um but it's also like when there's snow around it feels like a little bit warmer than it yeah you know what I mean it does I feel the opposite it feels like freaking winter dude but I also don't have like a real winter coat I have kind of mostly fall ish I think I saw you sledding

yeah with your jeans shit fuck oh sorry I mean shit I mean no

but I went, uh, this weekend I went to Victoria, uh, on Vancouver Island. And, uh, I did,

I feel like such an amateur. I hate when I do this. Cause it just feels like first time traveling, Graham, I didn't bring a warm enough outfit. Like I thought I was only going to be going from point, like from car to place back into car. And was I ever wrong?

Oh boy. Did I have to walk around some? Was it snowy over there? Yeah. It's snow, but it mostly melted away. Oh, did you go to Beacon Hill Park?

Oh, I bet they had some sledding there. Ooh. My old roommates and I did a cheese wheel roller. Did you really? Yeah. Guess who won? Wait, what wheel roll there. Did you really? Yeah. Guess who won? Wait, what did, what terminology did you use?

We rolled a cheese wheel down the, down Beacon Hill. Oh, okay. Have you ever seen videos of that? No. And the first person to grab it wins it. Is it German? Is this Swiss? I felt, it felt British.

It might be British, yeah. Oh. But it's like a thing that people do we'll show you a video yeah thank you but don't you

like oh and the other thing like I forgot to pack my toothbrush and I'm just like god damn it like this was my two weeks ago

you were bragging I know I felt like such an amateur how you like go through security and they're like you're the king of packing

I didn't forget my toothbrush I forgot my face cream the security told you that you're the king of packing told him really yeah then when i went through and they opened my bag she's like a plus packer i was like hell yeah you know that's from like that's high compliment this time they were like oh your face looks dried out and you look like you're shivering quite a bit too but i did i had to do like the the cool runnings thing that we were talking about a couple weeks ago you wear every thing that you brought with you yeah stay warm still didn't work i don't know why i didn't wear long johns i've been wearing them every day and then all of a sudden i go away

i think victoria's gonna be so warm it's not do you have or when's the last time you used those hand warmer like little tea bags full of heat

oh I think did I use one this year this year or the year before I think it was a stocking stuffer oh okay

that's tea yeah and it's self heating wow dual dual purpose yeah dual lingo where yeah That's tea? Yeah. And it's self-heating. Wow. Dual purpose. Yeah. Dual lingo.

Yeah. Warm your hands a little bit. Pour it in a teapot. You're good to go. Yeah. But yeah, I felt like a rank amateur. I've never done such a bad packing job. I've done worse parking jobs than packing jobs, to be honest. I parked in this parking lot.

Kids were smashing into my car sliding down the hill breaking legs it was like the incline on this hill I mean people brag about it it was like

44 44 degrees could be 40 but yeah so I felt like an amateur it's

but I was visiting my wife Sally's grandmother. And we asked if we could do any errands for her while we were there. And she said the most perfectly old person thing. She said, can you see if they have any raisin bread? I was like, whoa, man. That's a blast from the past. Or from the future.

Oh, raisin bread's so good. It's, yeah. Raisin bread toast. Raisin bread toast. Oh, come on. But when's the last time you thought about raisin bread? I know, and that's what you always remember when you hang out with older people. We used to get raisin bread toast crunch cereal.

Now with raisins. But raisin bread, that just brought me back so fast. Same with cheese bread. But raisin bread, that just brought me back so fast. Same with cheese bread. Cheese bread. Well, for me, when I was a kid, it was my grandparents' raisin bread, bran flakes, and then twin sugars, like simulator. Oh, sugar twin? Sugar twin, yeah.

Is it a yellow package? Apex twin? Apex. Is it called sugar twin? I mean, one of them was. I think it was a yellow package and it was called sugar twin. Yeah, and sweet and low.

Sweet and low. It was a pink packet, if I'm not mistaken. But, oh man. Raisin bread. And you know what? They had it at the store, but only one,

every other thing they had multiple loaves of, only one loaf. My memory. That means it was really for her grandmother. Yeah, it was the last one. store but only one every other thing they had multiple loaves of only one loaf my memory that means it was really for her grandmother yeah it was it was the last one there yeah that's like when i went out for a brownie last night there's just one left and i was like you're mine buddy get in here yeah this is meant to be my memory of going to my grandparents or grandmother uh was um they didn't get divorced he died um the uh the food the cereal on offer was the same box of cheerios from the year earlier last time we had

visited yeah i didn't eat a lot of cereal i guess yeah uh i didn't like fruit loops well and they have raisin bread at their disposal. What else do you need? But anyways, it blew my mind. I haven't thought of it for so long. Then when I was holding it, I was like, oh, I wish I could get a piece of. Smells so good. Yeah, like a toasted.

Because it's cinnamon in there, too. Yeah, just put some butter on that and you're good to go. I don't think I've ever had it. I hate raisins. Oh, well, then you'd hate it. It's one of the core ingredients. I don't think you would like it. Yeah, I won't. Oh, well, then you'd hate it. It's one of the core ingredients. I don't think you would like it. Yeah, I won't.

Well, it's not going to. Actually, fuck you. I do like it. My favorite thing about raisins is that movie, Benny and June, when she says, I don't like them because they're like humiliated grapes. I love that movie. That's such a good line. Isn't that crazy? Oh, no.

Now who is verbatim with movies? It's just got to be the right movie with the beautiful. I watched that movie like 80 times, I think. I think I, like, for some reason it was one of the DVDs we had. And so I would watch it over and over again. Johnny Depp. Such a good movie. As a Buster Keaton loving tramp.

Mary Stewart Masterson. Mary Stewart Masterson as a lady. As a lady. And Aidan Quinn as her brother. As a brother. And the Proclaimers as themselves. Yeah. And I would mop 100. Oh, is he doing a little twisty tune over there?

Like Dave. My favorite raisin memory in a movie is in What's Eating Gilbert Grape. It's also a Johnny Depp movie, I think. And what was the line?

I don't know. When he's like, say where's Gilbert? Yeah, or like these grapes. If we don't eat these grapes, Gilbert, they're going to turn into raisins soon. It might take a while. I remember that line. I'm not really a verbatim kind of guy.

What do you guys think? Should we move on to some overheards? Yeah. Soundheap with John Luke Roberts is a real podcast made up of fake podcasts. Like, if you had a cupboard in your lower back, what would you keep in it? So I'm going to say mugs. A little yogurt and a spoon. A small handkerchief that was given to me by my grandmother on her deathbed.

Maybe some spare honey? I'd keep batteries in it. I'd pretend to be a toy. If I had a cupboard in my lower back, I'd probably fill it with spines. If you had a cupboard in your lower back, what would you keep in it doesn't exist. We made it up for Sound Heap with John Luke Roberts,

an award-winning comedy podcast from Maximum Fun made up of hundreds of stupid podcasts. Listen and subscribe to Sound Heap with John Luke Roberts. Now. Oh, darling. Why won't you accept my love? My dear, even though you are a duke, I could never love you. You, you borrowed a book from me and never returned it.

Save yourself from this terrible fate by listening to Reading Glasses. We'll help you get those borrowed books back and solve all your other reader problems. Reading Glasses, every Thursday on Maximum Fun. Overheard. Overheards. If you're out there in the world, you're listening to them, we want you to share them here on the podcast. And we always like to start with the guest. Amber, do you have an overheard?

Yes. Nice. Funny you ask. I was not prepared for this question. No, no. Well, we did a free interview. Why did we even bother then um so there's a driver uh talking to another driver and um i don't know like how they got into it or whatever but where

was this um it was where was it on the road i was on the road somewhere i was in between a lot of places um maybe on the island sure uh anyway this guy's talking about how he's very afraid of snakes and i don't know why or whatever but he's like yeah i don't really like the way they walk around and and then he said and if you want to kill a snake like don't just hit it on the head or don't even don't just take it by the tail and hit it on the head he said what you want to do is you want to throw it up in the air so that it breaks in half when it falls it's a trusted technique and i should have i think i put this out of order but he also said like

don't you can't hit over the head or whatever because if you just hang it on like the fence like it's gonna wake up in the sunshine so in the scenario you've hit it on there and then i'll get on your fence and walk away well that snake will be no problem now off on the fence with you yeah I just hit it once

no I I think that is boy so you grab it by the tail uh what do you like what are you picturing

well I thought he said not to grab it by the tail he said no no but I'm saying if you if you were to hit it on the head

he's oh I see he's basically telling you like if you're gonna try and were to hit it on the head oh I see he's basically telling you like if you're gonna try and like just hit it on the head or like grab it by its tail

and smoke it its head off the ground that's not gonna do anything that's not gonna do anything okay you know you're grabbing it by the tail you're whipping it

against the ground yeah it's gonna be fine it's a snake I would do but that is what I would do so I'm glad there's wisdom I would get a rock

if there was one and try to drop it on his head what's the fence thing so okay what I would do. So I'm glad there's wisdom. I would get a rock if there was one. But what's the fence thing? What's the fence thing? So, okay, what I'm doing is I'm grabbing it by the tail. I'm hitting it, but I'm doing it more than once. And are you whipping other people's butts in the shower? Yeah. Twisting it and then snapping it.

I'm hitting it on the ground a few times. Yeah. It's probably like biting its tongue with its fangs. And it's like, ow, yikes. Yikes. And then, but I'm doing it upside down so I get brain first on the ground. Not hitting its chin on the ground. No, that's not going to do anything.

That's not going to work because the sun. Yeah. But then, of course. Yeah, you didn't even factor in the sun. Yeah. Then I put it up on a fence. That's your first mistake. But yeah, no, it's true. fence that's your first mistake um the uh

but yeah no it's true if you throw it in the air it breaks in half it breaks in half as long as you're throwing it near a helicopter that's what you do

you have to throw it high up but careful because then you get two snakes no yeah that's right that's why it's like

when I heard that yeah I was like isn't it like a worm and it's just gonna be two snakes fun fact uh that actually just kills the worm.

Wait, the worm, worms don't grow back? They do. I think that's killing the worm. I don't think you get two worms. No. What's the thing where you get two? Yeah. Is that real or is that just, we saw too many movies?

Oh, jellyfish. If you kill a jellyfish, like they splinter another jellyfish. Oh. Yeah. Thank you. You had my back there. You're like, she knows a thing. Yeah.

She doesn't know what it's about. No. Well, we all thought it was, I might be wrong. I, it's one of those things that like, we all believed that if you cut a,

yeah, a worm in half, it's one of those things that 30 years later, they're like, actually don't do that. Stop chopping them in half. Well, that might be just a guy who's like,

because now there's too many worms. Somebody going out to their garden with scissors. This is really messing with the ecosystem. This stuff's not composting fast enough. Get the scissors. I need to double the worms.

Dave, do you have one of hers? Yeah, mine is from the news today you know i love to watch the morning news the local news um and uh on the news the morning news the local news this morning yeah they uh they said a they they announced that avril lavigne is going on tour yes she's doing a greatest hits tour She'll play a bunch of her hit songs like Skater Boy And Complicated I honestly want to go and see this show

And Girlfriend And as they came out of the story The two anchors were Sitting there next to each other And one of them said Just reading, I didn't realize Skater Boy was spelled with an 8 And boy, B-O-i and then the other uh anchor goes yeah makes it more interesting i was and i was like why am i getting my news from you people who don't even know basic shit

yes of course it's spelled that way and it's not more interesting it's because she's a rebel and this has been like a cultural touchstone for 20 odd years and they're not like old people you should know like this is how you spell skater sometimes

I thought you said when they came back from the from the story that they would both be wearing undershirts with ties oh that would be the best

oh that would have been so cool with their hair straightened yeah yeah yeah with eyeliner oh yeah with the eyeliner was she wearing like dicky dicky pants sure he probably had some dickies Oh, that would have been so cool. With their hair straightened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With eyeliner. Oh, yeah. Heavy eyeliner.

Was she wearing like dicky pants? She probably had some dickies in the rotation. You know, some Vans, something like that. Yeah, that's still sick style, to be honest. Yeah. There's very few artists that come out with a look and then people are like, I'm going to also wear that look. Yeah. There's like very few kind of iconic outfits that then you see everybody. And I feel like that was one of them.

You saw that everywhere. Yeah. What were the others? Trying to think. Maybe Michael Jackson's red leather jacket. Sure. We all wore one glove for 10 years. Like with Britney Spears.

I don't know if it was just her style or if it was just the style at the time, but a little like low riserise jeans low-rise jeans she britney did like i think those um really small hair clips i think she made them like and like the really um fuzzy barrettes i think like she she kicked that off yeah she kicked that off yeah but there's several i'll tell you. You know? But you know, Gwen, I think. Yeah, Gwen. She did it first. Yeah, Gwen. She did it first. She didn't do necktie. She did.

No, she did dickies and a tank top. Sure. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Of course. I just got a shout out. And then my girls in All Saints, they were big on tank tops with the bra straps showing. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. A few tops with the bra straps showing. Oh, yeah, yeah. A few questions that I want to know. Why you could never hurt me so. That song. I listened to that song the other day, and I was like, why the hell is this six minutes long? I know. Remix. And it has that long one minute intro yeah spoken word intro did i not give you much attention oh my gosh um and then they do the same line they they and you're gonna get me yeah yeah that goes on forever and

ever they do the same chorus over and over then they just have the same verse except she changes the lyric from um so go through my head the alphabet goes right from A to Z. Nice. But then the next time it goes right through me. The alphabet goes. Why am I wasting so much of our time on this? I watched a movie recently. I'm not crazy.

I sure ain't do nothing wrong. I watched the movie Salt Burn. Oh, did you? Which takes place in the movie Salt Burn. Oh, did you? Which takes place in the early 2000s. And one thing they nailed was people wearing wristbands. And another thing they nailed was the soundtrack. Oh, yeah, the soundtrack was exactly. Oh, my gosh, I loved it. But I remember watching the guy have a big cuff.

I was like, that really was, they nailed that. Yeah, those thick cuffs. Thick cuffs, beaded, kind of tight necklaces, shells. I mean, there were no puka shells in this, but there was like, like a beaded. Beaded. Yeah. Hippie kind of thing. Yeah.

Beaded. Beaded. You guys, what do you think? Beaded? Have I had too fun? I'm having amazons if I'm a piece of mud. Yeah. A to Z. Blueberry dreams. Peace of mind. Yeah.

A to Z. Blueberry dreams. It seems like you could recall it if you really. Not verbatim. My overheard is courtesy of when I was in Victoria. Was that song in Saltburn? Is that why? Yeah.

No. Just that that was the era of. Oh, okay. Yeah. Sorry, you that why? Yeah. No. Just that that was the era of. Oh, okay. Yeah. Sorry, you were saying? Yes. I was at, I went to the Heckler's Comedy Club, which featured Charlie Demers that weekend. And he was oh so funny. You weren't performing?

I was in the middle spot. Oh, okay. Yeah. But is that why you went to Victoria? Nope. Just to visit Raisin Bread Central. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Oh, okay. But is that why you went to Victoria? Nope. Just to visit Raisin Bread Central. Oh, yeah. Okay. But Charlie did a very funny joke about being at a water park with moms. And I can't remember the substance of the joke, but it was like, he said, like, remember how beautiful they were when you were a kid? And this woman at the bar was listening

and she said, used to be me. Which was sad. Is the substance of this joke that the moms used to be beautiful? Yeah, something like that. I thought you meant the water parks. No, no, no. The mothers. Used to be beautiful.

I was never into my friend's moms. No, there was no Stacy's mom situation? No. My friend Cody had. Oh, yeah? Yeah. He had a pool and a hot mom. Oh.

So, double barrel. He didn't like Cody, but. Yeah. He had pool, hot mom, and super channel. Super channel. But how was Cody? I feel like Cody's really getting glossed over oh how was he

he was cool yeah I liked Cody as a person did he have a lot of people like was it the kind of house that like everyone

hung out in yes yes and during the summer you were there every day yeah yeah

watching Super Channel yeah it is Cody's mom watching Body of Evidence on Super Channel I vaguely know that reference the Madonna one watching Body of Evidence on Super Channel? I vaguely know that reference. The Madonna one?

It was a horny Madonna movie, sort of in the wake of Basic Instinct. Oh, yeah. Maybe they had, what was that other one called? Not Splinter. Sharon Stone. Oh, yeah.

Well, Splinter was Sharon Stone, but Intersection? No, Sliver. Sliver. Sliver. Splinter, sorry. Splinter is when Sharon stone was with the ninja turtles it was really hot

uh i feel like my overheard was sad but uh the talk about cody really brought it back was intersection sharon stone movie i thought intersection was samuel jackson no what am i changing lanes changing lanes i feel like intersection was a movie that sharon stone I thought Intersection was Samuel L. Jackson? No. That's Changing Lanes. Changing Lanes. That's Changing Lanes. I feel like Intersection was a movie that Sharon Stone made in Vancouver, and I was like, oh, well then, we're going to be Horny Town USA. People are going to come here on tours.

Yeah. On North American horny tours. And this is where Mickey Rourke bought the strawberries For that famous scene with Kim Basinger Yeah, it was Richard Gere and Sharon Stone Wow And it was like It's called Splendor?

Yeah Both filmed and set in Vancouver Ooh They very rarely set films in Vancouver With Richard Gere who was married to Cindy Crawford at the time This was Horny Town, USA. Now,

we also have overheard sent into us by listeners. If you want to send one in, send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. This first one comes from Pete from Richmond, Virginia. I was walking past the lighting aisle at Lowe's mid-pandy when masks were required indoors. And I saw

a dour old woman about to sneeze. She masked, and as she squinched up her face pre-sneeze, her hand flew up, and I just knew she was going to pull down the mask to release the sneeze. Instead, she very responsibly held the mask tightly to her face, and she sneeze-spoke in the following way. Ah-choo-choo-choo train. Oh. Yeah. That's pretty cute. That is cute. Ah-choo-choo-choo train choo, choo, train. Oh. Yeah.

That's pretty cute. That is cute. Achoo, choo, choo, train. Yeah, that is. I don't, I've never encountered having to sneeze while wearing a mask, but I don't know what I would do. I don't trust myself. Yeah, I think you just have to take the mask off after for your own.

Yeah. Yeah. I think so too. For your own loving. Yeah. I don't, I hope you can just throw that mask right yeah right person the person you hate space um i went they're not always available and that's why i hate them so much i know that's the worst part about them yeah yeah god they suck

i went to uh home depot lighting department the other day yeah because we had a weird light that's part of like a motion detector yeah and so I was like I don't know I brought it with me because I was like

I need to find something that's going to match this weird base and I went up to the employee there and he dropped it on the ground and smashed everywhere

and he was like that was burnt out right yep shit this keeps happening he's like I can figure burnt out, right? Yep. Shit, this keeps happening. He's like, I can figure it out. He's trying to put it all together. He did figure it out.

This next one comes from Miriam in D.C. I heard a few months ago at a concert, as we were standing around waiting for the show to start, a young woman standing near me said, I love Florence and the Machine. She's definitely a witch, and that's why I started hating religion. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Yeah. I like it. Do you know Florence and the Machine? Do you listen to? Yeah, I love her. She's amazing. I love her, too. But is she witchy? She's kind of witchy, I guess.

Oh, yeah. She's witchy, yeah. She's witchy. Okay. She's an incredible, incredible performer. She's also kind of like well-rounded. Like she sort of dances while she's singing. That's fun.

Like when she does live performance and stuff. That's something I need to start incorporating. Yeah. You do a lot of swaying. I do a bit of a robot, I'm told. Not a bad robot at all. Graham said I was doing a good robot, but I wasn't doing the robot at the time he doesn't even know

when he's doing it he's so natural at it I was just drinking motor oil and malfunctioning part of his mannerism swallowing batteries this last one comes from

Maggie M in Kingston, Ontario here's a kid say the darnedest sort of overheard. My husband was commenting that it will be 16 years since we first met next month. Good comment. Yeah. Good comment.

He was commenting on my Instagram photo. He said, I guess you're stuck with me now unless you smother me in my sleep. To which I replied, ah, where would you find anyone as snuggly and our 11 year old piped up and said at the pet store oh yeah yeah

just replace him with a cat or snake oh but you killed it by accident hang it on the fence it'll come back to life through the sun

oh oh yeah yeah when we go to the when we go to the vet there's usually a few snakes just hanging on the fence outside just waiting for the sun to bring them back to life yeah it's a hard city to be a snake in there's not as much sun as you might need yeah i know i know and like my nephew really likes snakes really obsessed really loves snakes never stops talking about snakes it's actually pretty crazy but um i'm more like i kind of do want to replace like say my ex with like a pet what kind of pet you know like a dog yeah yeah i'm having a dog having doggy uh brain yeah dog oh you know

what that maybe some kind of dog who can figure out Wi-Fi. Yeah. So do all the tech stuff. Yeah. Maybe like someone from Paw Patrol. Yeah. Yeah. That would be actually a good person. It's not the bulldog. Not the bulldog.

He's construction. The Dalmatian, Marshall is. One flies a helicopter. I'm sure they're going to be able to figure out. Yeah. That might be Ryder who's in charge of all of them. Yeah. And then.

Is there four of them? Well, here's what's up. Oh, okay. There's Marshall. Uh-huh. He's fire rescue. Okay. There's the cop. The cop one.

Yeah, the cop one, yeah. The bulldog guy. Bulldog guy. There's Skye, who is like, flies around. Okay, yeah. She's a girl She's the only girl And then so they introduce Another girl

Everest Oh she climbs She is a Like a snow rescue dog Oh that's good Yeah I like that Gotta think of Brandy Around her neck

How many stars are in that? Oh boy How many stars is that movie? In addition to overhears That are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spy pod one.

Like these people have. Hi, Dave, Graham, and wonderful guest. This is Dan from Portsmouth, UK. With an overheard from my four-year-old daughter. wonderful guest this is dan from portsmouth uk with an overheard four-year-old daughter we just had christmas which was wonderful despite the relatively recent passing of my wife's grandmother one of the gifts that my four-year-old daughter received was a small rubber bouncy ball we took the opportunity to say to her this does not go in your mouth because you could choke you wouldn't be able to breathe and you would die. Her response to this was to say,

oh, so that's why Grandy died. That's right. That's what we know not to do. One of the leading causes of death in the very young and very old. Now, I've never heard a grandmother called a

Grandy before. Wow. That's a new twist. Very cute. Every family has their own weird names. Yeah. Yeah. Then I guess you

assign yourself or the person with the kid assigns or maybe the grandparents choose. Yeah. Grandie. In my family,

it's Skimbleshanks and Angelical. Once, we used to call my um, skimble shanks. Angelical. Once my, my, we used to call my oldest niece. Now we used to call her Katie girl. No,

we called her Katie bug. Sorry. I just gave the whole thing away. I don't go verbatim. Anyway. So I remember my own life. We call,

we called her Katie Bug. And then she's like, actually, I'm Katie Girl now. She was very young, I think four or five. But she got really upset. Is she now still Katie Girl? She lets us call her Katie Girl. I don't think she likes this. She's going to come back at you with a Catherine. She's like 19.

Yeah, she's like, I'm Catherine now. I'm Catherine Girl. Yeah. Catherine now. I'm Catherine girl. Yeah. Catherine woman. I'm Catherine bug. She goes back. Phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests.

This is Jim in Studio City, California with an overheard. Standing outside of Sephora waiting for my girlfriend to pick out some makeup and a group of teenage girls walked out of the store one of them was looking at a receipt and she was saying big corporations like Sephora

they don't give a shit about $30 off I go I mean they do and that's how they're so rich yeah why don't they just give me this

for free because they don't care it doesn't make any difference to them yeah yeah fucking why can't I have some

just give me some you know I had never been in a Sephora until this year I did I went and bought a gift card there

and I guess it might have been just because it was Christmas time but it was packed I went and bought a gift card there and I guess it might have been just because it was Christmas time but it was packed. I've never seen a place so packed. There's apparently

a big backlash against how many children now go to Sephora. Oh really? There's like a big TikTok trend of people going on there and lashing out at kids

who like get like face creams and like you're 10 you do not need your skin is good we are trying to do your skin

with this cream well maybe they're going there and they're getting Elmer's glue and putting it on to create wrinkles trying to look older

drawing wrinkles on the face side of the mouth putting it on their hand and then peeling their hand off and being like weird hand

yeah that's all kids want to do they want to look older old people want to look younger can we meet in the middle and both like weird hand yeah that's all kids want to do they want to look older old people want to look younger

can we meet in the middle and both look like shit yeah like the middle scene of Benjamin Button

like that woman I used to be hot I used to be hot like she had the craziest

she should have had a photo with her to show everybody see pretty good huh

I would if i was claiming i was hot yeah i played jane in 11 tarzan movies that was you you you wouldn't have seen them they're from so long ago no one can prove nothing what was it nine out of the 10 he said 11 11 10 out of the 11 wow 11 Tarzan movies that's hot

that's hot I don't know what's Tarzan like in real life he's quiet really conservative yeah he's really conservative

yeah loves guns loves fruit oh my god he's sitting there eating fruit all of the long day he likes bananas coconuts and grapes He's really conservative, yeah. Loves guns. Loves fruit. Oh my God. He's been there. He ate fruit all of the long day. He likes bananas, coconuts, and grapes. Here's your final phone call.

Hello, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Annie from Texas. I am a librarian in a public library. And today a little girl came running in and saw a stuffed animal that we have in the kids section it's a big like six foot tall giraffe it's just kind of for decoration or for fun and she said yay mommy is this a good stuffy and her mom said no not organic Not organic. I'm really weird. You just take a look at that label. No.

No. No, it needs to be actual taxidermy giraffe. Oh, my gosh. Do you think it's like, is it like organic cotton that they're looking for? Fiber. Yeah, the fibers and like what it's made of. And I, I hate that he, I started like paying kind of attention. Cause like some stuff will bother my skin. Sure. Hey man,

if your skin isn't bothered, you're not paying attention. Yeah. So I get it. But also at the same time, I understand how like, that's pretty impossible with toys. Yeah.

Yeah. Good luck getting an organic Barbie. Or an organic rubber bouncy ball. Don't put it in your mouth! Your grandie died that way. Yeah. Your grandmother died from toxic shock

syndrome from having sex with an inorganic stuff. Oh my god. Now I understand you got a show coming up. What the? What the? You have a show that happens twice a month.

Yeah. At the Anza Club. At the Anza Club. Called Cool Fun. And fourth Thursdays of the month. Come, please, or we'll have to go back to monthly. And we don't want that. Yeah.

No, the show's great. Yeah, we have a... It's in the top part of the Anza? Yes, it's in the big room. We're allowed. Do you have to start in the small room, work your way up, or do you just went straight to the big room?

No, no, we went straight to the top. Do you set up chairs, or is it a dance floor? No, we have namaste cushions. Oh, cool. Organic? Tables and chairs? We don't believe in tables.

Okay. No, it's just a regular showroom with seats and some tables. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, it's a really cool, comfy spot. And if I could, I am headlining Yuck Surrey. Oh, yeah. Mid-March.

So like 15th, 16th, I think. Okay. Come see me if you're in the hood. Yeah, if you happen to be out in Surrey, you like to have a laugh or two. Yeah. Even if you're from New West. From what I hear,

tickets are almost sold out. Tickets are low. Yeah. Well, thank you for being our guest. Yeah, thank you. It was really fun as usual. You guys are so awesome. I almost,

I just have to say on the air, I almost did a spit take, but I kept every, every place I looked, there was an outlet for like electrical things. Good thing, I appreciate that. I had to keep it in my mouth. What was it? Yeah. What did you got the spit take on? Yeah.

I don't remember. I don't know. It was something I said. I'm not saying that, Dave. well thank you and thank you everybody out there for listening uh we love having you a part of the show keep all your stuffies organic and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself Maximum Fun A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows

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