Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 838 - Rachel Schaefer

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

Comedian Rachel Schaefer joins us to talk roasting, Palm Springs, and the Juno awards.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 838 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Grant Clark and with me as always is a man who couldn't be more excited than I am doing a 24 hour comedy show at the Little Mountain Gallery starting on Friday at 7pm and ending on 7pm on Saturday the next day.

It's Dave Shumka. Yeah, I could not be more excited. We'd have turned your plug into something I'm excited about. Yes yes yes that's a it's an old talk show trick so you're very excited to be here. And what do you think about Kathie Lee here? This is Regis. This is Regis of yous. I miss Reg. Yeah. We'll be back. Oh yeah that's right. When he comes back from being cancelled. In the next life. Oh, yeah, that's right when he comes back from being canceled in the next life Oh, yeah, they froze his head

Yeah, we'll see him. What did uh, just gladiator always talk about? You mean Russell Crowe gladiator Yeah, about how he'd be reunited with his wife and kid. Oh, yeah, you know, Elysium. So like when whenever Kathy Lee passes away, she'll be reunited in heaven where they'll be doing a talk show in heaven Yeah, but then when Kelly dies will she also want to do the talk show? She'll take over for Kathy Lee when she goes to hell If you know if you die in a dream you die in real life shit, yep before we get to our guests Hey everyone. Hey, I just want to make sure I want I know we thanked everyone for donating

Yes, yes for supporting us during the max fun drive. It's not a donation you get you get stuff. I tried This is a bank transit and Boko and But there was so much bonus content that came out all at once Yes, I want to make sure that people didn't miss out that we did a bonus episode with Jordan, Jesse go. Yep. And we did a bonus episode that was A real mind bender. A real insanity thing where we read through

A transcript of a transcript. A transcript of a transcript of an old episode. But those came out like a butt a day apart. So if someone saw that we had this piece of Boko, it's what you know, we had two pieces of Boko. Yep. Plus our usual Boko, we're gonna have more Boko, I just want you to know we had two pieces of Boko. Yep. Plus our usual Boko. We're gonna have more Boko next week.

You know, more's coming your way and that's why we're the king. Our guest today, first time guest on the podcast, really funny comedian, is a roast battle champion, has been on the television roasting people, it's Rachel Schaeffer. Hello. Hi.

Hey, how's it going? So good. I'm so excited to be here at about like 1.30ffer. Hello. Hi. Hey, how's it going? So good. I'm so excited to be here at about like 1.30 p.m. today. I like could I found I couldn't get my day started. I was I was just sitting on my couch. I was like, I can't get out. What is happening to me today? And then I was like, oh, maybe I forgot to take my ADHD medication.

I always take it right in the morning right when I wake up. But then I was like, maybe I didn't. I was like, well, I'm going to be on podcast later. I need to have focus. I got to take it right in the morning, right when I wake up. But then I was like, maybe I didn't. And I was like, well, I'm gonna be on podcasts later. I need to have focus, I gotta take it. So I took it at 1.30 and then I went for a walk and I got a caffeinated bubble tea. And then about a half hour later, I was like, I definitely took one this morning.

We're feeling pretty ramped up. Oh, you double dosed and also had a caffeine. Yeah, I think I double dosed. So I'm so hyped to talk to you guys today. Is it a stimulant? It like, for me, yes. Like my type of ADHD is I just sit and I like can't make a decision to then do a thing.

And then, so I take it and then I'm like, let's do stuff. Okay. I like the sound of that. Yeah, let's get to know us. It ramps me up. Let's get to know us everybody. Get to know us. And then now we know us, everybody. Get to know us. And then now we're back and we're getting to know us.

And okay, I just want to talk about ADHD because I learned about ADHD only from memes and a lot of them are relatable to me. But I also think, ah, whatever. For sure. Like a lot of that. Well, I've also heard that if you have ADHD, it's very possible that caffeine has no impact on you. And I find that's the case with me. I also have that.

Interesting. It doesn't do any, I just do it ritually. Yeah. It doesn't like really boost me up or anything. But also I have no attention span. So I think like I'm like, maybe I've got to do like I cannot keep one track going from hour to hour. Oh, and I'm a big like open the fridge. And then why did I open the fridge? Yeah, I get that too. Well, how long have you been diagnosed? How long is this

what in your reality? So like, oh, I was never diagnosed. I just take the meds. I just buy them from a guy in the alley. I do like the idea of buying drugs from a guy in an alley. Yeah. Come in my alley. This is where I do my business. I think that's where you always did it. Oh, but it smells so bad.

If I was doing it, I would go behind a Dairy Queen or something like that. Let's let our guest talk. Sure. Rachel, hello. Hello. I got diagnosed during COVID when I like finally had time to, you know, the restaurant I was working at

had shut down for the time being. I was at home isolating alone for a couple of months and I had time to like look at my life and finally like do things that you never had time for when life was running smoothly. And I just went to the doctor a bunch and talked to my doctor a lot about how my brain works and what I do with my time. And she was like, I'm very concerned about you. Oh no. And it really like, I feel like, so I'm 32. I feel like my life started at like 30 when I got diagnosed.

That's what they say, life starts at 30. They do say that. But I also, I'm 43 and 40 is the new 30. So my life's also just started. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel good. I feel like a 30 year old. I feel like a 33 year old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel good. I feel like a 30-year-old. I feel like a 33-year-old.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is like a thing to like, if you, yeah. I mean, and TikTok, everybody thinks they've got stuff. And who knows? Maybe I don't have anything. Maybe I'm just, maybe I am just lazy. Who knows? But it really felt like I was just like stuck

not being able to move since I graduated high school. Interesting. So like you just, you wake up and then you what, go to the couch or just go on like websites all day or TikTok or. Oh websites. Yeah, I love websites. Yeah.

It's just like a sense of overwhelm that constantly like loomed in my brain and just a lack of executive functioning skills. Like I could never, like I remember like I did really well in school because I can always do like the task that's in front of me. Right. But like once. Okay, then I don't have ADHD. Once I'm like in charge of what's supposed to be next, like I remember graduating high

school and everyone was like deciding where they were gonna go to school and like what they were gonna do next. And I was like, how are you guys doing this? Like it was very odd. I found it odd when I was in high school. I got a lacrosse scholarship, so I knew what I was gonna do. Wow, brag alert.

I feel like I was missing the day that teachers were like, what university you go to is really important because I felt like, I don't know, I was just, why are we even doing this? I don't know if that's a thing in Canada. Yeah, I don't think it really is. What are the elite universities in Canada? McGill? McGill, VCC.

Queens? Yeah, Queens, McGill. What's the one in Nova Scotia? Dartmouth? No, Xavier. No, same friends as Xavier, but what's the one in Dartmouth? Dartmouth Community College since 1903. I don't know, yeah, did you go to university?

No, I didn't. I did. I lived, and it shocked my teachers when my teachers were so confused, because I did really well I literally, and it shocked my teachers when my teachers were so confused. Cause I did like, I did really well all throughout elementary school, all throughout high school, except for the fact that like,

I never handed in any homework assignment on time. Right. And if I did, I stayed up the entire night, the night before. Like I would do things the very last second I could do them, but I would get really good marks on tests. So like, I graduated with very high marks and they, I remember they set up this like tree in

construction paper in the hallway. Right before we graduated. This is in high school? In high school. Right before we all graduated and they made like everybody a little leaf and they would write where you were, they would write your name on it and they would put you like on a branch of the tree for where you were gonna they would write your name on it and they would put you

like on a branch of the tree for where you were gonna go. So there was one for UBC, there was one for Cap U, there was one for SFU and there was one for like Gap Year. And they had like every university and then they had Gap Year and they were like, which one should we put you on? And I was like, oh, I'm not going to university. And they're like, okay, so Gap Year? And I was like, well, I think, going to university. And they're like, okay, so gap year?

And I was like, well, I think, is there one for like the rest of your life? Like, I don't know, is there another option? There was this like weird, yeah. And then I did go to, I did, I mean, I knew I wanted to be an actor. And then I ended up going to an acting school when I was like 19.

It was like a six month condensed program. And then at the end, I found out that all the teachers and the higher ups and the guy who owned the school were Scientologists. A classic. I do love stories that have, and at the end I found out. What was acting school like? Because I have an image in my head. I think everybody has one.

You have it holding two E-meters in your hands and having to confess all the big poster Tom Cruise on the wall. Oh yeah, no, they were like, acting school is so funny. I mean, the way in which they teach can be different. So sometimes you'll go somewhere where it seems pretty legit. And sometimes you'll go somewhere where they're just like,

what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? And then if nothing has happened to you, then they're like, you can't do this. You can't handle this business. We should start an acting school. And what is our- Anybody can. Exactly.

Yeah, what's our curriculum? Are we, like, do we say like, okay, go out there and pretend that you sell hot dog. Go steal a hot dog cart and pretend you own that hot dog cart and see if people pay you for hot dog. That's not dissimilar to the exercises we did. I'll be honest. We had like an accent teacher and he would teach us accents and then he would just set

us loose in International Village and be like, just go and harass all the store owners and see if like, see if you get called out on your accent or not. So you're like walking around with like, and the ages of people who go to acting school, it's like, okay, well, acting school is very similar to comedy in that I met some of my very best friends in the world and I met some of the most interesting narcissists, I'm sure I'll ever meet. Um, and yeah, you're just with the weirdest range of people just walking around in our national

village pretending to all be siblings and we're buying a sweater for our mom. But we're Irish. We're buying a sweater for our mom. Hey, we're buying a sweater for our mom. Yeah, you guys want to pass. We're just waiting for our 23andMe to come back and figure out why we gotta use a different accent. Oh my God.

So that's... Cause when I picture acting school, I picture somebody like, pretend you're a tree. Oh, I picture a circle of people giving back rubs. Oh yeah! Did that happen? Neither of those things happened, but so many things just like those things happened.

And it's just one of the best ways that you can set $10,000 on fire. Right. And like is the person who's teaching a working actor or was an actor? Yeah, all of them were. Okay, that's good. And it like, I won't say like, I didn't learn anything,

but I do think that anyone who wants to be a working actor in Vancouver does not need to pay $10,000 to go to a full-time program. Like I think if you're taking like weekly scene study classes and like auditing for which classes you actually think would be cool to take, like I think if you're taking like weekly seeing study classes and like auditing for which classes you actually think would be cool to take, I think you can basically get the same amount of information

for a lot less money and a lot less secondhand embarrassment for the weird exercises that they try to fit into, like having to give you eight hours of things to do a day. Yeah, that's, somebody asked me if I would teach Like having to give you eight hours of things to do a day. Yeah that's Somebody asked me if I would teach a stand-up class and I was like I don't know what I would get past an hour. Like I think I'd lose I'd get me like here are all the secrets now Just make them audience like yeah, like just go up there and try and be funny Like you're like move the mic stand in class, too. Yeah, oh man, that is something that I would advise young comics to do.

Figure out the mic stand. Find out if you're a mic in, mic out person. If you take it right out of there, move the stool wherever you need it, like establish yourself. And that's it. Then there's everything else. And take your time and have fun with that. Have fun. That can be part of it. Yeah, tip the wait staff,

they work really hard for you all night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. Oh, keep your table conversation to a minimum and your laughter to a maximum. That's a... Are you giving an audience class? Yes, I'm also.

Yeah, I'm doing. That's a class you can teach all day, for sure. Yeah, oh God. Oh, I would love to teach an audience class. Well, who would sign to teach an audience class. Who would sign up? Idiots. People who are ready to be conned, you know. I think people who would not get anything out of that class

that they would then take into being an audience member would take that class. Like I think people who can't help but be. I don't know, I feel like I would be good for like over-thinkers. Yeah. Like people who are like, I never know what to do with my hands when I'm at a party. Well, go to my party hand, class.

I don't know how to react when I'm in the audience. Well, yeah, I'll show you some videos of good audiences and you can kind of, you know, work from there. Like, oh, I love it when, they must be live-cutting when they do this, where you're watching something like Just for Laughs, like Gala, and you're showing the comic and then to make an edit point, they shoot somebody from the audience. A lot of times the person in the audience is not having it. Oh, I love when they do that. Yeah. I feel like that's a distinctly Canadian comedy experience.

Like when I watch big specials for big comics on Netflix, that never happens. But kind of often for Canadian comedy, you'll see that happen. And I feel like it's just it's one guy's job and he's pranking the entire industry. And I'll rock him. And then everybody just follows too.

Like, well, that's how you do it. You gotta focus on somebody who hates the show. I mean, also like, well, the reason we're making an edit here is because this guy's not doing well. He took kind of 10 minutes down to two minutes. So I can't make the audience, I can't like use footage that doesn't exist. Yeah, I remember, where was it?

In Halifax, I was on a show with another person who told a joke about playing basketball or something like that. And then I cut to a lady in the audience who looked like the Wicked Witch of the West when she's like a human person in the black and white world. Like just a real like sour-est face you could possibly make. I was like, how did they settle it?

Why did they even point the camera at her? Just hating it. She like lost a bet or something. She needs to take your class. Yeah. I don't think I've really seen The Wizard of Oz black and white parts. Only the color parts.

I think so. Yeah, I think I was the same for a long time. I just came in when she landed. Yeah. Well, you gotta see the whole thing. I saw the whole thing and I went to see it. They were playing it at Cineplex when every once in a while they play old movies.

It's so fun to see the Wizard of Oz, huge, because you can see all the practical effects happen. Like there's, like when you see in the colorful part, the witch like disappear in the green smoke or whatever. When it's so big like that, you can see the like square of the floorboard like shaking cause somebody just yanked her through the ground. It's very cool.

You can see the munchkin hanging himself. Oh yeah, right. Oh no. You heard about that, right? No, what? The urban legend that in some scene you can shadow. The Munchkins were all so terribly treated that one of them hanged himself

and you could see his silhouette. Oh my God. It's just like an ostrich. Yeah, it's an ostrich. It really is. And there was a similar- There was an ostrich hanging itself. it's an ostrich. It really is. And there was a similar. It's an ostrich hanging itself. Because they were treated much better.

Yeah. I don't remember ostriches being in the movie. Yeah, do I. Well, it's just the silhouetto one. Oh, yeah, I guess it wasn't a full ostrich. Because we watched it in high school, but maybe just the color portion. And in film class, and everyone was like, oh, I heard that it happens here.

Watch, watch. And then we all decided that it was a bird. There was one that's also about three men and a baby where something in the background is a shadow of. It's yeah, it looks like a ghost. Yeah. In the movie, three men and a baby. Yeah. There's a like a child. I love that movie. I've never noticed this. Well, this is what we is why we do the show. We're getting so much homework on the show. We like to introduce urban legends

and then myth bust them. Cause it's not, it's not really a ghost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turns out it's not a ghost. It's a cutout of Ted Danson, I think, is what they settled on, but, do you like, did you like the black and white part of Wizard of Oz?

Is it good? It's long, right? I would say that you would have to be a psycho for that to be your favorite part of the movie. It's definitely, no one's like, this is the highlight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I think I saw that someone like synced up Dark Side of the Moon with Wizard of Oz

and put it online. And you and I was just like flipping through it. And I was like, wow, this black and white part is going on forever. It's like half an hour maybe or five minutes. Yeah, movies were slow. Do you like old movies? Big movie fan? I'm a big movie fan.

I think you and me have talked about horror movies. We have. Yeah. Yeah. Do you see anything recently that caught your interest? Ooh, what did I see recently? I mean, I think we talked about Talk to Me already. Yeah. Have you seen Where You'll Lurks? Yeah, that's the Argentinian one, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Ooh, so gross. That was so gross and so scary. Yes. Yes. The protagonist, he gets warned so many times what to do. And he doesn't follow it any of the time. And it seems like society knows about this in the world of the movie. Like they know that this can happen

and like what you shouldn't do. And then him and his brother just immediately do the thing you shouldn't do. And it's like, it sounds like there's document. It seems like it's in the news that this has happened before not to do this. Best part about that movie though, is they are not afraid to kill kids like we are in American movies.

They are hurting children in that movie. It's great. And it's so sick. We are afraid to do that. We don't kill kids enough in our movies. I'm always saying it. No, it's true. Yeah, like, you know, that Kevin McAllister,

he kept living the whole time, even though those robbers were breaking in. He doesn't even stub his toe in those movies. It's true, yeah. He doesn't get hurt not once. Emotionally a little bit though. No. But what changes would you make

if you were the robbers from Home Alone? That's an excellent question. Like, what would you do differently? I think if I had, like, is this pre getting in the pranks on me, or I've had a couple pranks and now I'm trying to learn from it It's day. It's Christmas Eve. Yeah, you've you know, you've Wet banded at all the houses in the neighborhood. You have wanted to do the McCallister's house

But they were having a party with a cut out of Michael Jordan. Yeah with a ghost They were was there another reason they didn't rob them? Because I think there was so many people in the house and that's why Joe Pesci goes as a cop. Yeah, he goes as a cop to seek. Yeah, to like, to find out that they're going out of town. To find out they're going out of town. He's going house to house to find out

which families are going out of town. And then, so he, but like, was that the only attempt that was foiled? Was the fake party? Or was there another? There's the fake, oh, it's hard to not confuse the second one. The second one he plays the movie with the like, Rob guy. Oh, yeah, but that's-

But that's just in the hotel room. But the pizza delivery guy gets- Right. Has the, like, the sound of the gangster movie. I think it's just the party in the first one. And then I think like maybe he like foils them once with like some kind of setup and then they're like, we're going to come back. Yeah, because they come back and they but like.

So what would you do on Christmas Eve? I would tie some shoes together with a shoelace and keep them around my neck. So I'd have a spare pair of shoes. Because I think they keep losing their shoes and then they're walking around barefoot. I would not be caught barefoot. But if you, so you seem to have some kind of, you know he's gonna prank?

Well, my thing is they have a van in the movie. I would drive my van through the house. That's a great plan. Yeah, just drive it into the living room, take whatever I can grab and run away. Or drive away if I could still drive them to bed. Yeah, they never seem to really, oh no, they do go through a window at one point

and he's crushed a bunch of ornaments. Yeah. And you know what? I think he just really covered his bases. I don't know if he could do anything too differently. And I think Kevin McAllister is kind of unbeatable. So he did that, the crushed ornaments had to happen after the shoes came off with the tar.

Yes. And the shit. Right. Because those are on the steps. So I guess maybe climbing over the railing. I forget when it is though that Kevin realizes somebody's breaking into the house. Do they attempt to break in and they stop or does he hear them talking about it? God, it's so scary.

Imagine being 10 and people are breaking into your house. I dream about it all the time. So scary, because it is the worst possibility. I mean, does he try to call the cops or the? He does. What happens? Do the cops go like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you've been breaking us all day, kid. I think at one point they cut his phone line.

Yeah, but there is a reason they don't, that he doesn't call the cops earlier. Like maybe he doesn't want to get, maybe he's like not sure he's getting broken into, but he doesn't want to get found out that he's living in the house alone. Yeah, there's like something because they set it up. Like they really overextend why he's in this situation. Like I watched it last year and I rewatched it and like, I didn't notice that when she throws out like a piece of pizza, she also throws out his boarding pass, but just Kevin's.

Oh, right. So they have the right amount of boarding passes for the right amount of people, but- Right, right. Oh, wow. They did really think of everything. Holy cow. Anyway, what I would do differently?

Yeah, what would you do differently? I would probably not turn to a life of crime. Wow. Smart, you go to theater school. Yeah, I go do differently? Yeah, what would you do differently? I would probably not turn to a life of crime. Wow. Smart, you go to theater school. Yeah, go to the theater school, maybe join Scientology. Sign that billionaire contract. Everybody should give it a whirl, I think. Everybody should just get, you know.

Scientology? Yeah, like give it your year of, do that on your gap year. Just see what they've got going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some people are thriving. Yeah, exactly, that's the thing. Maybe it's the same for you.

All my teachers. They're doing so good. Have you ever taken the test? No. Have you? Yeah, when I was first here and they think they could smell me. The personality test?

Yeah, they were like. They did the test and they were like, we don't want him. Yeah, this guy's fucking around. This guy's pranking us. This guy's pranking us. Sometimes they catch and release, I'm sure. If they're too small. Yeah, yeah guy's fucking around. This guy's pranking us. This guy's pranking us. Sometimes they catch and release, I'm sure. Yeah, if they're too small.

Yeah, exactly. No, it's not legal for us to take you. Now, I said off the top that you're a roast battle champ. Like, and this is, is it the same? It must be a thing in the States, like a televised battle royale kind of roast. And tell me what it is, tell me all about it. So I was Vancouver's roast battle champion

for our local show that we have here. I won it once and then I defended it four times successfully. Shit. So I was the five time Um, but I recently retired. Cause at a certain point it starts to feel unfair because then so many people have battled me. So, so much has been said about me that I feel like now when people challenge me, they're like, well, I

can't repeat the jokes that all these other people did. So I was like, let's just, also it's a lot of work cause you're writing for a month for like jokes that you can use against this one person and then throw away. So it just felt like it took a lot of time. But then the show, the TV show, Roast Battle Canada, when they made the show in the States,

they did make it like a tournament style. So people would do their initial battles and then if you won, you would come back. And it was like a month's long process. And then when they made the Canadian show, I think they were like, well, probably people don't care about the tournament and it's going to be a lot cheaper if we can film a season

in three days. So instead of buying you. And also we got this old lady who hates the show. We're going to cut to her whenever. Is that a thing? No, my friend in Halifax with the old lady. Oh, okay, right. I thought they had like between rose battles,

they would just have like a bitter old lady in like a dark room being like, I didn't care for that one bit. I like it. So I assume this is filmed in Toronto? Yeah, they filmed it in Burlington. So like just outside of Toronto. Ooh, Burlington.

Swanky. Who are the judges? Are they the same judges? The same judges every season. It's always Russell Peters, Sabrina Jalisse, and K Trevor Wilson, who did the American version. I think he got really far. So what, like, do they just gauge on who, like,

gets more kind of applause or laughter? Like, or is it just their personal take? Like, I think you did the classic. It's their personal take, but usually it's in line with the audience. That's the nice thing is that usually people who win roast battles in any show or situation, it's usually pretty uncontestable.

Do you remember a TV show on MTV hosted by... Is it Video On Trial? Are you going to video on trial? Wilmer Valderrama. Oh no. Oh. Called Yo Mama. Yes. I do remember this show.

And it was just people roasting each other and Wilmer Valderrama was the host and he would be like, all right, and go. How long did this last? Oh boy, all night, baby. I don't know, one or two seasons. Yeah, I remember that. And was it also the time where Pants Off Dance Off was ruling the airwaves? I can't speak to that.

Maybe it's just, did I dream it? It might be a dream to me. These both sound like shows you've made up. What was Pants Off Dance Off? It was a dance competition. So like one- With nudity. Yeah, I think if you lost, you had to take off an item of clothes.

Oh really, I've never heard of it. I could be wrong on the rules of it, but I remember it being called Pants Off Dance Off. Cause I remember there was also Dance 360, and that was a dance competition hosted by... Nick? No, maybe Kel from Good Burger? Yes.

Sure. Wow, dance really had a moment. It's over now. It's over. It'll never be back. Do you like dancing, you a dancer? I took a couple of recreational hip hop classes when I was about 13. Yes. I, you a dancer? Do you want to go to 10,000? I took a couple of recreational hip-hop classes when I was about 13. I am not a dancer. You got to start when you're a baby or it's too late.

They're having in the Olympics this year, there's like break dancing or like some kind of... No, yeah, break dancing. There's a local guy going. Really? Yeah. Oh, cool. How do they spin on their head where they do that? It's an illusion. They're not spinning, you're spinning around them?

Yeah. Okay. Did you ever see that like break dancing dad? He was like, he like went viral. He was like, he like kind of called himself like the break dancing dad. And I think he got to be on Ellen and everyone was like, oh my God, the break dancing dad, he's so wholesome. And then now that TikTok's a thing and like anyone

can respond to like anything that goes viral, this girl is like, yeah, that's my dad. And he left us. He broke down out the door. Yeah, she was basically like, he quit his job and left our family to like pursue breakdancing and then out of nowhere got really good. And then his gimmick was that he is a dad but he never came back.

Oh wow. Man, I mean, if your dad's not going to come back for something that's as good as it gets. But like, wow, he went away and got really good at breakdancing. It's like, do you know the blues musician, Robert Johnson? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who famously was a bad blues musician, went away for a while, came back and was great. And then all of his songs were about

selling his soul to the devil. Yeah. Oh, I think I did hear about this. I thought this was going to a place of like, the only thing holding you back from your passions is your kids. Just, you can get good at anything if you just leave those kids.

No, he was an old timey blues musician. He was on Ellen. Yeah, yeah. Oh man, that was, yeah, that was a real signpost of being on Ellen that was like, you've made it work. I thought you were gonna say, ah yeah, he left his family after he met Ellen. He's like, Ellen and I are

We're in love She's gonna leave Porsche. Yeah, Porsche is out of the picture now and then as soon as they commit to each other He goes out the door. I'm gonna learn how to sail a boat now. I'm done with breakdancing. Oh boy speaking of dance shows Oh, it's all Ellen ever did. No, that's true. Oh, man She did she stopped it, but she eventually stopped it. stopped. Did she stop after getting in trouble for her personality? Or did she stop before that? What I remember is she stopped, and then people were like, keep dancing.

Yeah. And so she tried to take it away, and that lasted like a week. Yeah. And then she brought it back. And I don't know if she ever stopped again. Because the crowds at the Ellen show. They wanted it.

And they never cared that she was mean. They didn't. She was never canceled. No. Cancelling is not real. Everybody comes back. Yeah. And she's back.

She's got a new special and she's back she's back baby. But if you feel like that's a showbiz thing like if you do one night say something in Ellen's defense. Yes. I always thought Ellen was really funny and I don't care that she's mean. People are allowed to be mean being mean isn't illegal but it's like for people who are deniers of her being mean, that's weird to me. When people are like, she's, it's all lies. She's not mean. And it's like, there were always stories on Twitter of people being like, I'm a server and she got me fired because I had chipped nail polish. But it was always like, I think it's bad that she's mean, but I do like that. You know, that she's that complicated.

Yeah. But also like, she gets flack for doing something, like Steve Harvey's insane. Like all the stuff he does behind the scenes and nobody ever says like cancel Steve Hart. Well, he can't because he's on Family Feud, he's uncancelled. What does Steve Harvey do behind the scenes? You're not allowed to talk to him, you can't make eye contact with him. Oh, so all the same stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But he doesn't get... It's the patri so all the same stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he doesn't get... It's the patriarchy back in the day. Yeah, absolutely. She's mean. Fair enough. Yeah, we asked 100 people, what's the worst thing about the patriarchy? And number one was Steve Harvey.

What was some weird sexual innuendo that they use on that show. Yeah, but see, that's the thing, right? I think if you find something that's like a gimmick, you can't give it up. Like Ellen with the dancing or Steve Harvey with the like, what the hell are you saying? Mustache. But honestly, also the mustache.

You can't take that mustache off. So on Family Feud, what happens is they always set up questions where, and this has been a, we're not breaking new ground here. They always set up questions that will have an answer that is like risque. When someone gives that obvious risque answer, he will act like this is the end of the world. Yeah. And like also like he acts like no one has ever said anything like that show before

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then it goes up on the board. It's the number one But they've changed the words to be like poking the booty Cuz there's have you ever seen the clip of like the old game show the black and white game show and the question is Where's the weirdest place you've ever had sex? And the one was like in the ass and it's like, it's on live television. Oh man. They just don't do it like they used to.

I was watching, I watched a clip of Chuck Woolery, Bob Eubanks, one of them. Yeah. Talking about that clip and they were like, cause he didn't believe it existed oh and that it was a one of these urban legends yeah and then he said it does exist and they used it again like they the woman who said that thing they wanted to use a clip of the I want to use that clip in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind.

Oh yeah. And she said, no, I'm a grandma now. I don't want that clip out there. It's also my gimmick. I don't wanna do it anymore. I've been doing it for years. I left my kids so I could. It's gonna be very.

I wanna see them do a version of Family Feud. Cause it's always, yeah, it's all, isn't it always like, we asked a hundred people at the mall? Is it one specific mall? I don't know. They should move around, they should be like, we asked a hundred incarcerated sexual predators. And just like see if like,

cause that's an added level of difficulty being like, here's a totally normal question to ask a human person. And the answers are all just bananas because you could, you'd be like, yeah, we asked, we asked a hundred people at a Swingers resort in Kamau Every answers in the ass But the woman did you end up but they offered her money and she was like, oh, yeah Yeah, you could use the clip. Yeah, cuz I could give that to my grandkids and be like this is from this is some ass money

Cause I can give that to my grandkids and be like, this is from, this is some ass money. Grab us bread and butter. Yeah. So like, uh, at the, cause like you said, you shot all the roast things in like a day, two days, three days. Yeah. They, they shoot every season of roast battle Canada in like three days. How many people did you battle? I, everybody does, um, two battles and then sometimes for safety, I think they get a couple extras depending on how many episodes, but most people do two battles. So you're in like two episodes. You do two?

I did, yeah, I did two episodes of the third season and I'll be in two episodes of the upcoming fourth season. Okay. What is, cause you're a champ, you're a five time champ. Yeah, what is it? What the hell? Why are you so good at roasting? Well, so I mean, you saw-

Cause you don't seem like- I'm not a mean person. You know what? Roast Graham. Here he comes. I can't take it. I can't take it either. Dave and I can dish it out.

Oh, we can dish it out. But we cannot take it. Oh, we dish it. People listening to the show, they know we're roasting our guests left and right. Yeah, yeah. That's your mistake for not listening to the program. That's-

Yeah, but no, it's too risky to roast you guys back. You both just have an inner sadness. Yeah. And you can tell he's just crying. Oh my God, thank you. It's too much. No people can't see through the outer sadness. But I genuinely think I'm like a pretty good roaster

because I just don't get rattled. Like if the second you get rattled by what people say about you, then you lose automatically. And I just, I just usually enjoy the jokes that people say and I'm usually not really surprised. Like what do people say about you? They say I have a big nose. They say that my eyes are too close together and too small. They say I have big cheeks.

I'm a ginger. I'm like, I'm not really big, but I'm not really skinny. I, oh, I tried to be an actor for like 12 years and I haven't really gotten very far. What else? And then sometimes they'll just make stuff up. And when people make stuff up, that's like, you're like, well, I'm not gonna get offended,

because that's not even true, so it's just a funny, silly thing. Yeah, so, but they don't, you don't hand over a sheet like, here's my things, use these things about me. You do sort of, yeah, you, that was kind of one of the reasons I started doing Roast Battle in Vancouver, just because it's a nice way to like, have coffee with a comic

that you don't hang out with that much. And we would just hang out, we'd be like, these are all the embarrassing things about me, what's all the embarrassing things about you? And just regular stuff too. Like I like jokes that start with just like a really boring fact about somebody and then the punchline is something that's very unrelated to that thing but but I don't know, maybe works with the wording or just the sound of words. And it's a, I like when the setup is about something

that's completely different than what the punchline is about for rose jokes. For example. Okay, oh, I should have come prepared. But you can cut if I spend 20 minutes thinking, right? This is one of Rachel's things, write it down. She doesn't have a thing. Yeah, she doesn't have a thing.

She doesn't have a thing. Oh gosh, what's, oh okay, so like, so okay, one of my favorite comedians and people in Vancouver, Casey Novak, hilarious comedian, great gal, we love her. Oh, I could roast her so bad. Her and I battled each other and we, she was actually how I got the championship belt.

She was the champion. She was the champion. Champion chimp. She was the champion chimp. And I took the belt from her and now I'm the champion chimp. Congratulations. Thank you so much. But in our battle, she had lots of good jokes about me.

So it was very, very tight. Eyes close together, big nose, red hair. I said, Casey gets really mad when you spell her name without the dots between the K and the C, which might seem irrational, but she's just protective of the few periods she has left. Wow, that's good. So it's like a joke about her being like an aging female comic.

But it's like, starts with like a boring fact about a thing that genuinely does bug her. It does bug her when you spell it out. Like I've watched roasts, like the roast of whatever, you know, Hulk Hogan or... And there was one of Jewel and- The roast of Jewel? Yeah, Jewel. Oh no, maybe she was on the dais, but she was Yeah, cuz I think it was Nikki Glaser and she said I'm not here to badmouth jewel God already did that to her It's really good. Yeah

Right, Jules of the dais All sorts of shit could happen. I mean, Jewel must have been so suspicious when she was like, why am I getting invited? Did Nicky Glaser write something? Just let me go live in my van by myself. Jewel would be good to roast. You could do a lot of, you know, all sorts of things.

Yeah. Just out there. There should be roast battle, one way edition, where you could just roast somebody and then they have to just walk away And then another person comes in you just roast them. And no one gets to do anything back Did anyone ever do the thing in eight mile where they just roast themselves and you're like, you don't have anything to say? I know something about you. You went to Cranbrook. That's a private school.

Oh man. Dave's just been waiting ever since you started this podcast for an opportunity to show that he can rap. Yeah, I'm very good. It's gonna come up. Honestly. Just give me some time. You should.

I just don't remember the rest of it. It seems Clarence got a nice parents and They were really good marriage something like that. Oh Man Well, Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, well guys Well, we haven't recorded in like two and a half weeks Yeah, cuz we've been traveling and you've been traveling traveling alling all hither. I've been everywhere, man. I've been to Halifax, Toronto, Hamilton, Halifax, Vancouver. You've been to Halifax twice?

No, I just went once. But I guess I was thinking of the trip there and back. I guess that song doesn't work like that. We're doing round trips. It's always one way. You know the song? You know the song. I don't know the song's always one way. You know the song? You know the song. You don't know the song?

Wait, which song? The, I've Been Everywhere Man. You know that one? And then he lists all the cities that he's been to. I was thinking of Dalhousie before. I love that you don't know what this is. I don't think I know what this is. Because for a second, when you sang the song, David,

it then sounded like what I think is a different song in my brain now. And now I'm like, I don't think US cities in that song. This is one of my favorite genres, is songs that mention a bunch of cities. Oh, okay. What are your other, what are your other? Life is a Highway, there you go.

Oh, through all these cities and all these fans. They're like, well, does he name it? Oh yeah, from Mozambique to those Memphis nights, the Kyber Pass to Vancouver's lights out. Vancouver gets a shout out. Vancouver people freaking love that song. Um. Dorks.

Where are you from? North Vancouver. It's different. No one talks about our lights. Also, do we have a lot of lights? Like, where did that come from? I think, and I have no idea if this is what Tom Cochran is referencing, but Vancouver used to be called the city of neon because we had so many neon signs.

And then they just kind of fall out. I thought it was called the city of neon because we had so many neon signs. And then they just kind of fall out of the way. I thought it was called the city of neon because we were the first to get those neon Oreos. Yeah, and also we were in the 90s, we were kicking it neon style the whole 10 years, even when grunge came around. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah, good genre.

What do we want to name them all? No, but I know what your favorite one. What? Carmen Sandiego. Oh yeah. Now you What? Carmen Sandiego. Oh yeah. Oh my god. Now you familiar with Carmen Sandiego? It's a show about a lady with a red hat, right?

Yup, yes. And she solves crimes, I want to say. No, she commits crimes. Oh, she commits crimes. Oh yeah, and you're like, where are you? Well, I'll tell you what she does. She sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina. Here it goes.

She's a sticky-fingered filter from Berlin down to Belize. She'll take you for a ride down a slow boat to China. Tell me where in the world is she? Now you said that like a rap. This is another instance of you just waiting for an opportunity to rap. Where in the world is she? Graham?

Carmen Sandiego? Yeah. Is she ever in San Diego? No. Oh, OK. Yeah, I mean, she'll steal their soul in South Korea, make Antarctica cry uncle from the Red Sea to Greenland, they'll be singing the blues. Oh, they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle?

Tell me where in the world is. Carmen Sandiego. Gee. Yeah. No, I thought you were gonna say well what the okay okay i'm gonna go through the genre here we go there's girls girls girls by jay-z right yeah no wait that's a song it's just about different kinds of girls that's true but there's one that he talks about riding your mom like a bus route and i feel like

that's kind of that's kind of a new year like That's a part of state of mind. That is one of my favorite lyrics. My second favorite genre is songs about different kinds of girls. Sure. So California girls. Yeah. Girls, Girls, Girls by Jay-Z. Yeah. And by Motley Crue.

Fat bottom girls. Oh, yes. Absolutely. My mom, fun fact, my mom always thought the words were flat bottom girls. Oh yeah, absolutely. My mom, fun fact, my mom always thought the words were flat bottom girls. And I was like, no one thinks they run the world. What are you? What?

Diane, this is songs about you, you're a butt. Your mom's friend Diane. Yeah, my mom's friend Diane. No, she, I was like, mom, that's nobody's type. Okay. Well, no, it's gotta be somebody. It probably is somebody's type. I'm not yacking anybody's young, please don't send me your letters. Oh yeah, but you know, this is what but okay. Well, no, it's gotta be something. It probably is somebody's type. I'm not yacking anybody's young,

please don't send me your letters. Oh yeah, but you know, this is what she does. She gathers a little information about you. Oh, this guy Graham defended these flat bottom girls. Um, and of course, uh, well, Lizzo had the song about boys. Okay, so there's my third favorite genre is about different kinds of boys. And then, yeah, Britney Spears had a song about boys.

What kind of boys? I think it was boys, wasn't it? I know. Rihanna has Rude Boy. Rude Boy, absolutely. Missy Elliott had Black, White, Puerto Rican, Chinese boys. Yeah, that's right. And then there was the boy who sang the lyrics,

Everybody's riding your mom like a bus route. Yes, that little guy. It's honestly one of the funniest lyrics ever written. Because it has nothing to do with the rest of the song. So someone took a bus out, now she's got her bus out, everybody ride her just like a bus route. Yeah.

Yeah. But like the rest of the song is like positive, like we're talking about New York, it's a city we love. And then he just brings in somebody's mom. It says everybody's riding. I don't think it's okay. There's somebody out there that knows he's like,

he's talking about my mom. Everybody does rider just like a biker. Bike route. Bike route. Well, 10 bicycle is the classic. That's right. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And it's sort of a modern take.

You can use this in your roast. Here's what's going on. It was spring break and every spring break, like clockwork, I take my family to Palm Springs. You won't go to Fort Lauderdale, you're not going to Miami Beach, you're not doing... Oh, I'm not doing South Padre Beach, I'm not doing Lake Havasu. Yeah, what's the, what was the much music one where they went to a hill? Oh, Snow Job? Snow Job.

Much music Snow Job? What's in Palm Springs? Cause in- Here's what's in- All I know about it is golf courses and bachelorette parties. Oh. Which seems like- Those are my two things.

Families wouldn't- Here's what's in Palm Springs, old people. Mm. Love them. My parents go every year and they get a house for the month and my siblings, the only reason, well, not the only reason but we uh it's uh it's uh cheap to go because we don't have to pay to stay anywhere oh i love that yeah yeah yeah also people are fun they have the best hobbies shuffleboard canasta you play canasta

i've let you oh yes really me so okay let me interrupt you first. Oh yeah, you finish your Palm Springs thing. I'll get lost in saying about Kanasta. No, no, no, no, no, no. I just want you to say, no old people do Kanasta and shuffleboard anymore. This isn't 1980. Go, what is Kanasta? Yeah, tell us all about Kanasta. Kanasta is a card game that takes many hours to play.

And me and my sister, I have one sister, we never went to daycare. We were always taken care of by our two great aunts who never got married and never had kids and they lived together their entire lives. So the two of them would babysit us all the time and we would just play canasta for like 10 hours since me and my sister were like six years old.

So we are very competitive now as adults and we love games, but we were like child prodigies at Canasta. And to the point where like we, like they just taught us too early, where we were too malleable. So we very quickly got to a point where we would beat them all the time and they'd be so mad and the TV would be on in the background and me and my sister would be like half watching the TV and half playing and my great aunts would get so frustrated because they were losing and we were unfocused and they'd be like, are you going to play TV?

Are you going to watch or are you going to play? Because they're both very Russian. Well, and of course they would go around International Village Mall with their accents. Yeah, of course, of course. They were also, they've never been to Russia. They have Russian accents, but they were born in Canada. They were born in Saskatchewan,

but they were born in a Dukabour community and they never lost that accent. Duk, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, no, it's big in the... Dookaboor, Dookaboor, do what? Oh, cause our great aunts did not appreciate it. No, they thought. They found... They didn't have the best senses of humor. Is it offensive? I don't know the word. Did I say it wrong? I don't think it's offensive. I think they were maybe just mad at us all the time. I just want to apologize to our Dookaboor listeners.

I think that's a community of like 5,000 people. We can take them. Yeah. I don't like their chances. So what is Knazda? Yeah, what is it? It's a card game. Is it a gambling sport?

You could, I mean, anything's a gambling sport if you get your money out. But it's a card game that takes like three hours and you would use four decks of cards. Oh. And we would play it like partners. So like me and my sister, these two little children would be partners

and then these two 80-year-old women would be partners. Right. And they would take us on trips sometimes. They took us to Peachland, I think, for like a week. Because they were like... Listeners, Peachland is this cool restaurant that only serves peaches. It's too sweet for me.

Classic Frank-front day. No, it's a town. It's a cute little waterfront town. It's got a lake in the interior of BC, or I guess the Kootenays. They took us there for a week and we never left the hotel room once. We just played. Really?

We had a nasta in the hotel room and drank iced tea and me and my sister would have contests to see how clear our pee could get from how much iced tea we drank. Oh, now that's a fun game. But who was the judge? Yeah. Did your aunt always win in that competition? Was Russell Peters the judge? Yeah, Russell Peters did come on all my family vacations, just to judge our pee.

Now where's the weirdest place you've taken a pee? It's yes. Oh man, everybody right are just like us. Anyway, so we were in Palm Springs, very fun week with a swimming pool. But here's what is in Palm Springs, golf courses. There's so many golf courses. The ways we were staying was on a golf course, but we weren't allowed to golf.

But I mean, I didn't want to anyway, but. But they said, Dave, you're not allowed. No, they said it was for- You get too crazy when you golf, Dave. The person who owned the house that we Airbnb'd it from is a member of the golf club, but. You can't just pay it. You can't just pay it, yeah.

So that was. That was my grandpa's golf club too. It'd be invited in by a member. An Illuminati golf club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big triangles, boys flashing the triangle sign at each other, yeah. So we did, you know, America stuff.

You ate. Oh yeah, absolutely. What do you do in America? You go to cracker barrels. Yeah, you deep fry brownies. You go to... Cracker. You go to...

No, what the hell is the name? Cheesecake Factory. Yes, you go to Cheesecake Factory. We did not go this year. We go... Did you before? We got takeout to Cheesecake Factory. We did not go this year. We go, we- Did you before? We got takeout from Cheesecake Factory. But we go usually every year.

Yeah, what are they, I mean, this is a stupid question. Is it all desserts? No, it's famously like the biggest menu in fast casual. Oh, okay, so burgers, pizza. Burgers, pizza, pasta. Yeah, all the things a kid can come up with. Sushi. Sushi probably, yeah, like every type of food, pages and pages and pages and pages.

You know who hates that? How do they do that? People who work in restaurants? Gordon Ramsay. Gordon Ramsay. He fucking hates it. He only likes it if it's one thing, one thing that you do really well. And it's like, these people haven't shown any aptitude

for doing anything really well. So stop yelling at them. people haven't shown any aptitude for doing anything really well. So stop yelling at them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, we had that. We had the opposite, which is In-N-Out Burger, which is like three things on the menu. Yeah, and what do you get there? A milkshake?

You get a soda? What is this? Like, they're famous, right? Yeah, I think I got a milkshake. What are they famous for? Just the burgers? The burgers and the fries are terrible. Somebody was trying to tell me the A&W fries are terrible and I was like, back up.

Somebody during a comedy show shouted that out. Oh, they need to take my audience class. Yeah, because he was so mad that I said the fries were good. And trust me, my stand up goes to some pretty dark places. The fries there are good. Yeah, I think so. I think so. Yeah.

Your opinion? I don't think I have a very sophisticated palate. But that's another thing. Put it in the list of things to burn. Oh my god. She's got a freaking unsoph unspecificated collar. Gonna burn her ass so bad. Just like a bus ride.

Yeah, just like, just like, Jewel, Jewel, you stupid idiot, why would you do that? Yeah. Here, I'm Jewel. I hope you don't roast. I'm pretty good at this, actually. I think she literally has a song called I'm Sensitive, and the words are I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way. And she's out here doing roast. Okay, here's another roast.

Know all of Jule's lyrics. I don't know why I know that. As I was saying it, I was like, I shouldn't be saying this. Go back in words. Absolutely roast worthy. I just used the roast of her, but I'd say like Rachel likes the one with the bad mouth. So I'd just transfer it over to her. The, okay, so we ate there.

Yeah. We ate. Here's one. I mean, we always get Taco Bell. I thought Taco Bell was cheap. I was looking at my. I don't think it is. No, I was looking at my statement, my visa statement today.

And to feed a family of four, 60 bones. 60 bones I mean it was like 45 US but then did you get a crunch wrap? Went to another Christian restaurant, because we went in and out as a Christian. What? They have like Bible verses on the bottom of the cup. What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Think about it. It's just in everything down there. If they had sold their souls, their fries would be good. And- They were bad at burgers. They left for a couple of years, they came back, they were amazing. And now they've got Bible verses. They were bad at burgers. They left for a couple of years, they came back,

they were amazing, and now they got Bible verses. They were good at burgers. They were good at burgers. And another Christian restaurant, Chick-fil-A. Oh, Chick-fil-A. Oh, that one I knew. They did something homophobic a couple of years ago, right? Yeah, they're bad.

And they- But you know what? I can't remember what it was. You gotta try it. I just had to know. It's never been up here. It's only up here. They have it in Calgary.

Do they? They have it in the airport. At the airport, yes. But I've never had it there because I always fly it on Sundays and they're closed. Of course. You know what? I've never been to Chick-fil-A.

I do know they did something homophobic, but God bless the LGBTQ community because I've seen so many gay people on Twitter being like, we forgive you if you go because we go too, you gotta go. Right, the chicken's so good you can't. Like, oh, okay. Yeah, I have a gay friend who was like, I was in New York and he said, where do you wanna go?

I mean, we could go to Chick-fil-A, I go. I mean, I get it, but I go. And he's probably listening, hi, how's it going? Hey, how's it going? Hope you're eating Chick-fil-A, I go. I mean, I get it, but I go. And he's probably listening. Hi, how's it going? Hey, how's it going? Hope you're eating Chick-fil-A right now. I hope you're eating Chick-fil-A, but I do like the Chinese restaurant we went to instead. Oh, okay.

Anyway, so that's Palm Springs. It's got four restaurants and 500 golf courses. And no one's playing. We also went to Target a few times, and my mom told me that she, like when she's in Vancouver, she'll go and like exercise at a gym or at like Aqua. I don't know if she does the Aqua Fit anymore, but she said in Palm Springs, her workout is she goes to Target, walks through the aisles, finds where they keep like the weights.

Oh my God. And then lifts those for a couple minutes. And then when she has to get, she was like, I want to do some crunches. And so she was walking through the aisles looking but the yoga mats are all rolled up. And then she found a cat bed. She's like those people who go to chapters and read entire books on the mat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. but the yoga mats are all rolled up. And then she found a cat bed.

She's like those people who go to chapters and read entire books on the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I did that once. I read an entire book. Good for you. It wasn't a very hard book to read. It was Jodie Sweeten's autobiography.

Why did you do that? Because it was there, Rachel. Okay, for sure. And you're like, I don't really care about this biography. It's not the place I wanna give my book money to. I thought I'd read a couple pages of it. I know Rachel. And it was really gripping? Couldn't put it in. Oh, she did a lot of drugs.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that what makes a good book? Yeah, mostly. It's a grand book. All the ones that I've read. Girls, girls, girls. Yeah, Trainspotting. These are the best books as far as I'm concerned. Did you read Trainspotting?

Yeah, I did. Are there more trains in the book than the movie? No. It's also hard to read because it's in the accent. Andy, you don't have the soundtrack, isn't it good in the book? Yeah, exactly. You got to put that Iggy Pop on in the background. Yeah, Trainspotting. Yeah, exactly, you gotta put that Iggy Pop on in the background. Yeah, train spotting, good, good, love ya. Oh man, that soundtrack was so big, they put out a volume two.

That's right, yeah, and I feel like that was right, like peak, having that poster on your wall in college with the train spotting. Have you ever been over to a college, have you seen like the Boondock Saints or Scarface or? Bob Marley. Yeah, Bob Marley. Oh man, yeah. Have you been in to a college, have you seen like the Boondock Saints or Scarface or? Bob Marley. Yeah, Bob Marley. Oh man.

Have you been in a dorm room? I have not been in a dorm room. But I missed my dorm so long. Write it down. Yeah, yeah. Just never been in a dorm room. We were gonna... Why am I writing these in the end?

Are we gonna formulate something? Yeah, yeah. We gotta go in the lab. We're gonna work out a room. For some reason I feel like... It's gonna be one really long joke that just has everything squished into it. For some reason I feel like- It's gonna be one really long joke

that just says everything squished into it. For some reason I feel like it's gonna be a wrap. It's gonna be a wrap. Oh man. So yeah, great little spring break. Glad to be home though. Yeah. The flowers are blooming.

Are your allergies going nuts? You know it, man. Oh hell yeah. Woo, same. Oh yeah, I don't know what I'm talking about. What are you, a Sudafed? Are you a Claritin? You're a Allegra? Whatever's going nuts. You know it, man. Oh, hell yeah. Woo, same. Oh yeah, I don't know. What are you, a Sudafed, are you a Claritin, you're an Allegra? Whatever's on sale.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not super loyal to my allergy med brands. Fair enough, fair enough. What about you? I was always an Allegra guy, and then now I'm the same, whatever's cheapest. Allegra is the best. Sometimes they just go without,

and I'm just like, well, I'm just gonna cough and sneeze all day. Yeah, raw dog that pollen. Wouldn't you? Sorry. Don't ever apologize for saying raw dog. When you come over here, do you always take one because of the dogs? No, because you very generously

shepherd them out the door when I come. Okay, I just didn't know if it was like so bad to be even in a dog home. No, I was, but like I was in a car where the dog sat and that that started getting super itchy really quick. Well sitting is what dogs are best at. Like the first thing they learn. Yeah, sit, stand up.

It's my dog's third birthday today. Oh, happy birthday. Monsters? Monster. Happy birthday monster. What did what did, yeah? Happy birthday. Monsters? Monster. Happy birthday monster. What did a monster get? A bunch of bacon or? Yeah, usually it's like a cake in the shape.

It's usually just a bunch of treats in the shape of a little age. Oh, that's fun. Cover them in peanut butter. That's cute. Yeah, get a nice photo. And then just watch them eat peanut butter. It's adorable. Do dogs eat peanut butter? Yeah, and then just watch them eat peanut butter. It's adorable.

Dogs eat peanut butter? Yeah, and then a few... Does the other dog get to participate in the treat cake? Well, here's the thing... Or is they like, because none of them know it's a birthday. Yeah, right. Is one just super upset and confused? There is participation, yes.

We've only had the other dog, the other dog will be tuning tuning to tuning tuning to tuning to almost say the C word Turning to Later this month And so we've only done this once before I suggested. Hey, why don't we combine the dogs birthdays? Right and everyone voted me down. Yeah, cause then you get two parties. Yes, exactly. Yeah, get to wear two different birthday hats. When's the last time you were at a party

that you got to wear a hat besides New Year's Eve? Me and my friends wear birthday hats every year. Really? Yeah. Write it down. Write it down, absolutely. Oh. She's just giving away the gold here. That's actually been a comment on like, why it is difficult to roast me,

is that my life is, like, because you want to use, like, you know, a whatever boring fact and then make your own funny joke about it. But if the person's life is so embarrassing on its own, then it kind of becomes difficult to roast them because sometimes people, when they're up against me, will just say embarrassing things about me, like true things. And then the punchline can never hold up

to what the setup was. Like I was on an adult dodge ball team. Like I, you know, you can't. The people can see the nose. It's hard. I think your nose, very nice. I'm fine with my nose. Yeah, and so you should be.

Thank you. Well, I like it cause it, it separates those eyes. Yeah, it distracts from my. Those eyes which honestly are, maybe you're just one off. They may as well just be one big one. I am Mike Wazowski, plus a big nose. No, no, no, it's hard. I don't like, I don't, I don't like roasting.

No, I know it's, we're two very soft, soft young boys. What's going on with you, Graham? Well, I was nominated for Canadian Juno Award. Thank you. Write it down. Best comedy, we're best comedy album. And we were sure you were gonna lose to Maymarten. Yes, that was kind of the chant kind of going around

Maymarten, who if you don't know who they are, they're a big star and have a Netflix special and I'm not sure they even knew that they were not. Were they at the Junos? No. Yeah, absolutely not. No. Oh, it did.

Junos, if you're listening. I didn't, I didn't. This was somebody else. Yeah. And they didn't win. A gentleman named Kyle Brownrig won. And I think we were all just happy. He's a great roaster.

Oh, I believe it. He's on that show too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I believe it. He's caustic, I would say. And really, really funny, his album was really good. Like it wasn't, how did he win or anything like that. So, and he made a really good speech when he won. You know, you wanna give it to someone who's there.

Yeah, yeah, cause then just flashing the picture on the stage is kind of, and they said, they said this as a disclaimer, if the person's not here, you cannot come on stage and accept the award for them. And I was like, oh, they really, that's probably happened a lot. Yeah, that's probably happened a lot. That's probably a big problem at the Juno.

Well, that's what I was discussing. I was like, if May Martin wins, all four of us will go on stage and accept the award on her, but on their behalf. No, you will not. No, they said right off the top. You will not. So this, the the Juneau Awards like the Grammy Awards there's a big televised Sunday night show with like a bunch of performances and maybe ten awards given us yes yeah but then the night before they give out how many they oh geez

there's probably like 20 or something. It's because it's everything from album art, different genres, producer, song. Just so many categories, engineer and all this stuff. Now, engineers just like the guy who drives the train. Yeah, so everybody can get to the studio. So there's five guys nominated over there. They're all wearing those crazy hats. Those hickory stripe overalls.

They're all wearing those crazy hats. Those hickory stripe overalls. I sat at a table with a nominee for best jazz vocalist. So, and I said I was there for comedy and the withering stare that I got for saying that from the. That's so funny, why? Because they're in a different club, these musicians. It is funny, like I it is very funny that You know the Grammys gives away a comedy award and the Junos give away a comedy award

Just because the like thing that we share is the concept of sound Yeah, music is a completely different art form then like like it makes as much sense to me to give like awards for comedy specials at the Oscars as it does to give it to the Grammys. Yeah, because it's just visual. It's visual. We share sound and we share visuals. And it's like, we're definitely a different thing. Definitely.

It's weird that like, Hillary Clinton has a Grammy for book on tape. She's going to get the goat. I think she's going to, you know, she's not the EGOT. I think she is. Yeah, she's going to get the EGOT. Then she'll be the goat. Yeah. She's going to get the Grammy, Oscar. They have a banquet during the first day of the show. They have like, you can walk on the red carpet.

And I walked on the red carpet at the same time, the beaches were- Oh, I love that. Yeah. That's so, such a great visual. Did you also get a mean look from them? No, but I could tell that the people were taking the photos, like, get this, hey, another, beaches,

we want more beaches. I bet the beaches would love you. Yeah, I think so too. I think you and the beaches would be great friends. I like to think so. I think they too. I think you and the Beaches would be great friends. I like to think so. I think they're great. They were fun to watch on the Juno telecast. And anyways.

Oh, did you go to the next night? Yeah, yeah, oh yeah. Gotta see that Nellie Furtado do her thing. Did she host? Yeah, but it's like the hosting's pretty minimal. She like. She do the Gangnam Style dance? Yeah.

That was a big thing. That was a big thing, yeah. No, she came out and did a medley Style dance? Yeah. That was a big thing. That was a big thing, yeah. No, she came out and did a medley of all her hits. I'm Like a Bird. Yeah. Turn Off the Light. That one with Timbaland. Promiscuous Girl.

Promiscuous Girl, yeah. There was a couple other ones I was like, from that era, yeah. So we had a real banger. Honestly, the whole album with I'm Like a Bird, that front to back, there's no skips on that album. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I played it recently and I was like,

this is actually maybe the best. Promiscuous Girl, one of my favorite kind of girl songs. Please. It fits right in. There's another one on that Promiscuous Girl album. Oh, something like Man Eater? Yep. There we go. Man Eater's Yep. There we go.

Man Eater's a good one. So she did a medley. They brought out Anne-Marie off the top. She kind of like wished everybody a fun awards. Hey everybody, Anne-Marie here. Wishing everyone a fun awards. That's not a bad Anne-Marie. The snowbird is taking me away.

I don't know who Anne-Marie is, but now all I think is that she voices Kermit the Frog. I've known her as a famous Canadian singer my whole life. And then maybe five years ago, I finally heard her sing. I was like, okay, she's got a song called Snowbird. I must have heard it. Then I finally listened. I had never heard it.

Spread your tiny wings and fly away. Someone tell me, is this very close to what her voice sounds like? No. Because I'm really hoping it is. People like that. I love like insane voiceover voices that are just people's real voice. Do you guys remember the old radio ads for the Bay,

like Hudson's Bay Company with Bonnie Brooks? Do you remember the Bonnie Brooks ads? No. So it was always, so she, I think she was the CEO of the Bay for a time. Which she would like talk about. And she was older and she would be like, Hi, I'm Bonnie Brooks.

It's Bay days, like we got coats. That was truly her voice. It was the best. Oh, wow. Yeah, no, Anne-Marie came out. She got a... Anne-Marie came out? Ooh, Ellen was furious.

She was so mean to everybody that night. Why is Ellen mad? Because that was her whole thing. Having short hair and being a lesbian. And here's the thing that you didn't know, and this was a fun thing to learn about the red carpet, is somebody is ushering you through and they have a board with your name on it and all the photographers take a picture of that so they know.

So they know how to catalog it later. And they really, boy, do they push you through that red carbon in no time. Did anyone wanna talk to you? No. What did you wear? This is a great question because the Junos. She asks great questions.

No, scratch that out, that's a positive. No. She asks great questions. She asks great questions. No, scratch that out, that's a buzzer. No. The Junos, in conjunction with RW&Co, which is a clothing shop. Sure.

A Canadian mall, like, yeah, like. They gave me a suit. Oh, wow. Yeah, they gave me a suit. They were like, you get so many pieces for, you know, that the Junos, the consideration or whatever you call it. And so, yeah, I went in, the only woman that was working there,

there's nobody in the store, so she really paper dolled me and put in so many different outfits, yeah. Different colors and different combos, and it was a lot of fun. Because yeah, everything I came up, she was like, it's good, but let's try, let's get you in this and that. I think you'd be good in this.

Was she like told by the Junos to like be your personal shopper or was there just no one, you just went with the like gift card they gave you to the store and there was no one in the store. So she was like, let's do this. No, I just walked in with confidence and they were like, I guess it is, it could be true.

No, you had to set up a time. Okay. And so I got clothes, my it could be true. No, you had to set up a time. Okay. And so I got clothes, my wife Sally got clothes. Oh really? So- RW is men and women? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say even more women stuff than men stuff.

That's what I didn't even realize that they had a men's section. Wait, maybe, what the hell? The buttons were on the wrong side. Yeah, for American listeners, I would say there may be like Canada's banana republic. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's where if you were like graduating high school for the prom, that's where you get a suit would be from RW and Co. I feel like.

And then when you were graduating high school and they put all the tree branches up, did they catalog where everyone was getting their suits? Yes. Did they put anybody that was- This is one big tree that said RW and Co. It's at every RW and Co. And then one tiny tree that said your dad.

Yeah, so I got a suit and watched the awards and it was fun, man. It was, Halifax is a lot of fun. I've been to Halifax a few times, but it was fun. A friend of a friend took us to Peggy's Cove. What's that? It's like a, like a like a famous lighthouse And it's like the stones are all polished naturally because of the ocean that really polishes my stones Anyways, it was fun had a blast and and yeah, I you know what I'd let them nominate me again

Yeah, and yeah, you know what? I'd let them nominate me again. I would go another round with them for sure. Next year it's in Vancouver. Oh wow, yeah. Wasn't it just in Vancouver? Maybe, maybe they just ping ponged me. Does it alternate between Vancouver and Halifax? Yeah.

Yeah, it's like, technically it couldn't be farther away, really, I guess if you were in Newfoundland, is that farther out? Oh yeah, by, pretty good, right? Really good. Well, time I gotta go to the mall then, and. I gotta go to the mall. I'm going to the mall with my accent.

Oh, it's calling him on that one. Oh yeah, yeah, oh, I gotta get a lobster Julius, eh? Yeah, you did it. Do you guys want to move on to some over-herds? Sure. All right. Are you tired of being picked on for only wanting to talk about your cat at parties? Do you feel as though your friends don't understand the depth of love you have for your guinea pig?

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the show where you can't talk about your pets too much, animal trivia is our love language, and dragons are just as real as dinosaurs. Tune into Comfort Creatures every Thursday on Maximum Fun. What is up, people of the world? Do you have an argument that you keep having with your friends and you just can't seem to settle it?

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So don't worry everybody. We got this. We got this. Overheard. Overheard is a segment where if you hear it out there, you bring it in here and let us have a little fun with it. And if you wanna do that, if you wanna send one in, you can send it in to sbyatmaximumfun.org.

We always like to start with the guest. Do you have one, Rick? Okay, yes, I do. Can I do one mini one that's, cause I have one that's the best thing I think I've ever overheard in my life, but it's not really funny. And then there was one small thing that happened that-

And you wanna do both? Tickles me. Can I do both? Yeah, do you want small one first and big one second? Yeah, cause I really wanna do one that I think is the best, but it's not funny at all. Okay, and do you wanna go back to back or do you wanna go around the horn?

Yeah. The first one's super short. The first one is just I walked past two old men on the sidewalk and I like when you hear like phrases that you've heard in like fiction but people use them in real life and you're like, well, that's not a thing that I realized people say. I walked past two old men and one of them,

they were talking about a movie that they'd just seen and one man went, what a picture. And I was like, that is delightful. What do you think they were talking about? Yeah, oh, a tenet. I honestly think it was something like on that level. It was a couple of years ago, but I feel like I did try to eavesdrop

and it was something where I was like, that's a hilarious thing to go. I always thought I'd be in the picture. Yeah, I ought to be in pictures. Now you want to do another or do you want Dave to go and me to go and then you go? You can come back to me. Okay, Dave, hit it.

Oh, my phone's on low battery mode all of a sudden. I only have 20% to get this one out. So in Palm Springs, my brother-in-law got tickets to a hockey game. Woo! For, let's see if I can remember the name of the team, the Coachella Valley Firebirds. Okay, the Coachella Valley Firebirds.

This is the- NHL? No, AHL. This is the minor league team of the Seattle Kraken. Okay, okay. And so we went, it's a brand new team, a brand new arena, very weird. Like hasn't been lived in at all. Yeah.

And also like they have the food options. It's like a 10,000 seat arena. So it's, you 10,000 seat arena. So it's reasonably big. Yeah. The food options are not what you would expect at a traditional arena. It's all kind of like, all the, there's like beer and snacks inside,

but because it's Palm Springs, they have like an outdoor concourse because the weather's always good. Oh yeah, of course. And so you go outside and you can get a, like a pre, you know, pre-packaged hot dog. No one works there. You just like-

Oh, you just dig in and scan it? Yeah, you take it and scan it yourself. There was like a, you could get a $17 beer. Oh yeah. My brother-in-law got a $17 beer and went and scanned it. and it asked for a tip. What? Give a computer tip, please.

There was no person involved in this. But anyway, so we went to this game, but there was like, it was the third period, people, there were some drunk people and there was almost a fight out on the concourse. Oh shit. And then security came through and made one person leave. And like it was a guy with two women and this other guy and his friend were there. And then after the after they made the people leave this drunk guy was trying to explain his side of the story to security.

It's already good. And he said, I was holding his hand like a joke and he was being all serious. Like just going up to a stranger and pretending to like holding his hand. And he got mad at me. Yeah, I'm just making it for fun. He's for serious. I told him I'd be his best friend if he let me holding his hand and he got mad at me. Yeah, I'm just making it for fun. He's for serious.

I told him I'd be his best friend if he let me hold his hand. I'm on his side. Yeah. You should be able to hold someone's hand as a joke. Yeah. You should be able to do whatever you want as a joke. Yeah. That's true.

Yeah, that's good. I'm gonna keep that in my head from now on. Everything is good to joke about no matter what. Yeah, stab someone. I'm joking. I was joking. Did you even see what I stabbed him with? It was hilarious.

It was so sharp. Where would I get something so sharp? So funny, right? It was also, the night we went, it was like armed forces night at the game. Oh yeah. And I forgot how, in America, how would they love war? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah. Yeah, I always, when I'm in America, there's like on the train, there's a, not veteran, but Navy discount. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, just the, there's so many things, you just forget that they're not exactly like us. Like one time I was like right across the border

in a Soyuz, there's the American town that shares the border is I think called Orville. And I went to a high school football game in that town that is a stone's throw from Canada. And it was like Friday night lights, the whole town had come out to watch these children play football. And then the, at like halftime over the PA system, It was like Friday night lights. The whole town had come out to watch these children play football. And then at like halftime over the PA system,

they announced that the town fire department was raffling off a rifle at the children's high school football game. And we were just sitting there being like, what is going on? We're not gonna give you the rifle till the end of it. Oh, we'll give it to you. I'm just shooting for fun.

It's not for serious. It's so fun. Rifle raffle. We're all joking. It's the funniest way to give away a rifle. They had a lot of veterans there, and they would bring up a guy, put him on the Jumbotron, and you'd have to stand up and clap.

And then in between like little bits, they would just show like 30 seconds of a flag waving with just like the Navy insignia. Nice. And then the Marines and then the army and then the air force and then the space force, which was a thing I thought. Space force.

I thought Donald Trump made that up. Were they all wearing helmets? Was it Steve Carell? It was just the flag of it. What is it, is it a rocket? I guess so. Wow. Space is the place. It was just the flag of it. What is it? Is it a rocket? I guess so. Wow.

Space Force. Cool. Well, we don't have a Space Force here in Canada, so that's another difference between us. Yeah. It's too far. It is too far. Space?

I'm always saying that about space. Space is too far. Yeah, that's what I'm the opposite. Space is the place. Oh, shit. Okay. My over-ed comes courtesy of being at the Junos and being in a very long line to get a drink at the bar.

I'm so crossing my fingers that it's Nellie Furtado. It was, yeah, Nellie Furtado. She says, like, you know who isn't like a bird? This fat fuck over here. And I was like, what? Jesus Christ. Nellie's the new roast battle champion. You don't see her coming, you know what I mean?

You don't. Yeah, she's so lovely and then champion. You don't see her coming, you know what I mean? You don't. Yeah, she's so lovely and then. The surprise is part of her show. I was standing in a long line and it was a line where it was like, who wears the line? Is this group of people, is it that group of people? Are the people standing there? Are they in the line?

And so there was just a kind of jaggedy line. Like one of those things where you're like, I would like I'll join the longer line if the longer line is more clear how it's a line. Right, then it is a line. I was standing next to somebody and somebody saw somebody they knew and tried to go for the sneak in and she said to him as she did it she was like is it okay if I sneak in and the guy went I don't know like we might get in trouble these people seem like they really want to get these things on the pretzel. It's like I'm on my best behavior I'm actually networking at this industry event and if you make me look like a rule breaker. Oh, that's oh, man. That was the fun thing about it is there.

You could tell who were like the producer people and then who the singer people were just by outfit. Sure. You know, and also it was Banks and Ranks there. I don't know who's Banks and Ranks. They're Canadian producers. They were probably there. We're dug in the slugs there. Car. Yeah, they were there.

Cardinal Fischel was there. He was actually there. I'm sure Banks of Ranks were there. And even in the hotel they always stay at, I would get on an elevator and I'm like, she's here for the Junos. Oh yeah. This one wearing a spiked collar. She's here for the Junos.

Oh, well remember when we were in Edmonton, there was a body build. Oh, man. And also the Women's World Cup. Oh, right. And you could tell who was there for what. When I stayed in a hotel just the last week in Calgary, there was a ringette tournament. Ringette for Americans, it's like sort of like the Banana Republic of sports. Well, and like at the show I was at,

I asked if anybody in the audience was there for the Ringette competition. And then I said, Ringette's so stupid. That's it. That's so true. And then like, cause I was like, what is Ringette? And somebody says, it's hockey for girls.

I was like, well, hockey is for girls. Yeah, there's lots of girls that play hockey. Yeah, but man, did I pick the wrong target? That guy was pissed off. Is ringette on the ice or is it on the grass? I know it's with a ring. It's a very on the nose name. So I, it used to be, before they had hockey for girls,

I think you would just play ringette. Yeah, that's what you would play. And you don't have a hockey stick with a blade on the end, you just have a stick. Oh yeah. And you stick it through the ring. Don't they make them wear skirts in ringette? No, it's on the ice.

They usually wear pants actually, I think. What sport do they make them wear skirts? I know this exists. Oh, field hockey. Field hockey, yeah, sure. Gosh darn it. That makes me, I don't know why that just made my blood boil.

Didn't also in tennis, didn't women always have to wear it? Oh yeah, I think that know why that just made my blood boil. And it didn't also in tennis, didn't women always have to wear it? Oh yeah, I think that might even still be a thing. And in ringette, instead of wearing a jockstrap, you wear a jill. It's true, I'm not joking. Is that really? It's really, yeah.

Oh, that's funny. The girls are wearing something called a jill? She doesn't even know why girls wear a Jill. Write it down. Yes, go to Google Jill's. It doesn't hurt that much to get kicked in the vajayjay. I'll tell you that much. Well, yeah.

Like it hurts as much as it hurts to get kicked anywhere, which I mean, obviously getting kicked hurts, but. You're not as sensitive as Jewel there, I guess. Yeah, it's the only thing. I would never claim to be like Jewel. Why? Well, she's just so out of my league. Yeah, yeah.

For a long time, her book of poetry was the bestselling book of poetry of all time. Is that real? Yeah. Yeah, these are jills. These are your jills, your basic jills. Oh, wow. I don't, okay.

Oh, those are just shorts, it seems. Well. They seem to be. What is that one there, the black and red? Is that a bower? Are you looking at a bower? This one? Yeah.

Yeah, this is as a goalie jill. What do you think is gonna happen? Like, is it for elbows? Is it for other people's sticks or is it for the rings? What if it's for the puck? Well, you don't have the puck going up there Hey guys, we gotta call the game it's happened again Can you get that out? Yeah, somebody was playing without a Jill. I just feel like we should be wearing like if if we're in this much danger I feel like we just should just wear full body jills. Mmm. Yeah, I I agree with that

I like the idea of wearing a full body Yeah costume underneath my clothes. I think that's a spider-man thing and I like the idea of it No, I understand you have a second over. Yeah second, second over heard. Oh yeah, I'm just, man, I'm really, really focused on this Jill thing. No, I don't wanna, I don't wanna canast a repeat. I don't want you staring at the screen while you're doing the overheard. I think sports are for me.

That's what I'm finding out. Oh yeah, so okay. My, I just really think that like children are so much, they are our future, I've always said that. And I think I was the first one to say that. You do always say that. I do, I always say that. But they just have such a higher capacity

for creativity than adults do. Oh yeah. I think because they don't know anything. Like when you have no context for anything in the world, your imagination can like fill in the blanks in such an odd way. Whereas like as adults, we're so hindered by all the facts that we know

that we don't get too many chances to make up a reason why something is the way it is. Right. Like I bet you like, I bet you a million dollars that like the stork bringing people their babies was invented by a kid when like a kid asked, Oh yeah, how are babies made and the parents were like, what do you think? And the kid was probably like birds bringing your baby. And then the parent was like, yeah, cause like, I don't know. I just

can't see an adult coming up with that, but okay, so that's the setup for this story. A few years ago, when like everything was locked down during COVID and they didn't have rapid tests at home, you had to go and like stand in a big line outside at a place if you had a sore throat to get tested. I was in a big outdoor lineup on Hornby Street downtown waiting to get the swab to see if I had COVID, because I think I had a sore throat.

And you're standing in that line for like an hour just waiting your turn. And there was this mom behind me with her kid and her kid was like probably five or six years old, so full sentences, but no facts in their brain. Like, she's just getting it. And across the street, there was this like building that was kind of run down.

It looked like it was maybe nice at one point. Like it had really cool, like moldings on the window sills, but pretty, um, busted in every other way. Like it looked like nobody lived there or nobody's offices were there. And there was a guy in that building, um, I guess like doing some work, but maybe didn't have help

doing the work he was doing. So he's like kind of hanging out this window. He's got his measuring tape and he's hanging the measuring tape down to the next window below. Yeah. And like in my brain, I'm like, I guess he's like, I don't know, measuring, like maybe needs a plank of wood for something there.

Right. He's just measuring window to window for some kind he's like, I don't know, measuring, like maybe he needs a plank of wood for something there. He's just measuring window to window for some kind of building reason. Sure. Who's to say. Doesn't sound like you know how things work. You know what, I actually have very few facts in my brain. I'm just not a creative person.

But the kid behind me goes to their mom, they go, so this guy's hanging out, he's got his measuring tape and it's just kind of like hanging there as he's trying to like estimate how far it is to the next window below him. And the kid goes like, mom, what's that guy doing? And the mom is just like tired and she was like, I don't know.

And the kid was like, it looks like he's fishing for cats. And I was like, that's exactly what that fucking looks like. Yeah, fishing for cats. That's great. Holy shit. I was like, that's exactly, 100%. That's what that looks like. And my brain never went there. Yeah. God, love these kids. Yeah. So that's, I will never forget that. I think that's the best thing I've ever heard.

That's fantastic. Thank you for sharing. Yes, thanks. Thank you for sharing. That was brave of you. Thank you. It was. You found out I know no facts. Now we have some overheards that are sent in to us. If you want to send one in, sby at maximumfun.org. This person comes from Shana L. from Toronto, was at the movie theater for a screening of the Oscars. And me in line I overheard this I overheard this I'll have a gin and tonic and a double pinot grigio and the person goes a double gin and tonic and a pinot grigio no a double pinot grigio and a

gin and tonic. So it's like a bigger glass? I guess yeah two glasses of pinot grigio. Two shots of pinot grigio.ia. Yeah. And make it a double. And step on it. I don't think I've ever had the opportunity to tell somebody to step on it. Hell no. Or follow that car. Follow that car. Oh, that would be, would Uber do that?

Wait. Well, you need to arrange another Uber. To leave a minute before him. Uber chase. Yeah. You have to arrange another Uber to leave a minute beforehand. It's like Uber chase. Yeah. You have to pick a destination. I think you're in a cabin there in an Uber.

Oh yeah, that's true. An Uber is not going to go where you verbally tell the girl they've been paid. But you're just like, you got to prearrange. You need two Ubers with the same route. A double Uber. Oh, God. Yeah, a double Pinot Uber. A double Piner. Oh, God. Yeah, a double pinot-looper, Carol.

A double pinot-looper. This next one is from Jessica from the East Kootenays. I was riding the chairlift with two young guys. We ride in silence for a few minutes and then one says to the other, you know that song, my neck, my back? I forget the next line. I think I just pasted that that one twice. I think because I thought it was so funny, I was like, just make sure you get the get this one down.

But we can all agree we went on a high note there. What's the rest of that song? Okay, my neck, my back. I know you need a Jill to cover it. Otherwise it's gonna be full of pucks. Jill, man, I'm learning so much. It's great. Now in addition to over-hearts that are written in,

we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Spipod. One, like these people have. But first. Full lyrics. You don't, you guys don't know Banks and Ranks?

No, is there a picture of them? Are they like Chip and Pepper? They look familiar. Because I need you like the flowers need the rain. I need you like the sun when the clouds turn gray. Oh, you're like the blood running through my veins. I love you until now and forever. Yeah, bunks on rungs.

Oh, I love that. They are producers who they're Canadian and Oh, I love that! They are producers who, they're Canadian and you hear them on... Yeah, bunks on rocks! Wow! I like to just go through their discography and see how long it takes until their name is said. I've been talking to your answer phone now now Your answer phone?

Yeah. When I call you, you don't answer phone now. You don't love me, you should let me know now. Banks on Ranks? Yeah, Bung Sun Run. How many more do we want to go down? I'm satisfied with my banks. I love like that.

I feel like the idea of being a music producer, like over being like, you know, like a singer or a band is like these guys like hang in the background, but there's so many producers that it's like, like I would love to. DJ Colin. Yeah, yeah. Jason Derulo. Wow, he's a singer. Yeah,'s like, I would love to. DJ Colin. Yeah, yeah. Jason Derulo.

Wow, he's a singer. Like Will Made. Yes, you gotta put your name in it. Otherwise, how will they know? That's right. How will they know? Okay, phone. Also, it just feels like, if that's the only way that we've heard banks and ranks

said out loud in the media, it does feel like we're intentionally saying their name wrong, even though we're just avoiding. Yeah, so it's bunks and rungs. I think it's bunks and rungs. Yeah. I can tell you they are white guys. Oh, that's an interesting twist.

So they just, who did they get to say their name on? Huh, huh. Okay, so she, she, actually I don't know that they're white guys. I know that, you know, white people can be born in the Caribbean and maybe that is one of them, but I have a suspicion they've got a friend saying they're. Well, they're Quebecois, so I, I'm gonna say.

I have so many more questions now that they're Quebecois. We cannot tell you if these guys are white guys, but there's a picture of them and there's some red hair in the mix. Oh, okay. I don't think they are white guys. Okay. This is, it feels very Elaine dating that guy and they've... They both think, yeah. I feel more comfortable now with how they've got somebody saying their names

Okay well I don't want to talk about it anymore. Anyway phone calls. Okay you don't listen to my answer phone. Answer phone. Hey Dave, hey Graham, hey guest. This is Doug calling in an overseen from Brooklyn. I just passed a guy wearing a tie-dyed sweatshirt. They had a picture of Garfield on it. Garfield holding a toothbrush and he had just squirted toothpaste all over himself. And I don't think

this is an official piece of merchandise because underneath that it said I hate God. Off I go. Oh, man. Oh, that's a whole dimension of Garfield. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Blasphemy. Yeah. Well, I love everything about The toothbrush, the toothpaste. Yeah. You know. I mean, most Garfield is, I love God. Yeah, that's true.

I love God, I love lasagna. I love lasagna, I hate Mondays. I hate Mondays, and God. Oh my God. He's got a love-hate relationship with God. Wow. Wow. Yeah, wow.

Wow. That was fun for a while when everybody was doing the Owen Wilson. Wow. Yeah, wow. Wow. That was fun for a while when everybody was doing the Oven Wheels thing. Yeah. Did you ever read the comic strip Robot Man? No. No. That's funny.

Eventually it became Monty. Oh, that Monty sounds familiar. Yeah. And Monty had a little robot friend named Robot Man who was yellow and red. And it was some funny sarcastic humor and they made a cartoon of it and it was about love. It was a completely different idea.

Why did Robot Man get demoted from being the main character and Monty moved up in the world? I don't know, it happened sometime between, I think I read it as a kid when my parents got the newspaper and then I left for college. When I came back, Robotman was gone. What about, I don't know if this is a strictly Canadian thing or if it's all over North America. Herman? Yeah. Is that a Canadian?

I don't think that's Canadian. It was like really weirdo, very specific, kind of grotesque artwork. But then it would just be like, you know, I'll take two Todd or something like that will be the caption. And then you'd have to be like, well, I don't know who Todd is in this situation. I always thought the guy was named Herman,

but it was different guys all the time. Robot Man started in 1985 and was phased out in 2001. Shit. Herman, let's talk about Herman. Herman, we're talking about Herman. Was this a Canadian thing? It was created by Jim Unger. Unger, okay.

Who is? Jimmy. Canadian. Ah, it was a Canadian. Well, I know you can't access it through the States because there's a media block and you can't get Herman down there. But if you send me a self-addressed stamp, I'll send you some Herman comments.

Herman's so good. Herman's way better than what they got down there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Herman rules. All right, next phone call. And the phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests. This is Cheryl from Toronto calling from the US. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Herman rules. All right, next phone call. And it's a phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests. This is Cheryl from Toronto calling in

with an overheard care of the Las Vegas Strip. Hell yeah. So we're walking down the Strip and there are these young women walking by us and one of them was reading her text messages from her phone to her friends. So she's looking at her phone and she says, hope you have a great time in Vegas, baby. Hope you're doing some day drinking. And she looks up

from her phone and goes, oh, he wants me so bad. And I just thought that was so delusional and yet so delightful. You see how he's asking me to get drunk? This is classic. Without him? In the daytime? Yeah. Oh man, I can't wait. If she gets drunk, it calls me.

That would be good. Oh, my answer phone. That's not a thing, and it's not a real thing, right? Answer phone? My answer phone? Well, you know what? I'm sure the Bonks and Ronks are best known for their hit single, Answer Phone. Hmm, interesting.

Cause I've never heard that outside of that song. Call My Answer Phone. What is that, is that a voicemail? I guess. Well it was a- Was that the words, call my answer phone? Yeah. I thought you just made that up now.

I immediately forgot the Bunks and Runks song. Yeah, it was the singer's that you called me on my- Let's just made that up now. I immediately forgot the bunks and runks song. Yeah. It was the singer said, you called me and I was just look up the words. It's got to be one of those things where they're like, no one will notice and it just works best with our rhyme scheme or whatever. Like in the Alicia Keys and Jay-Z Empire State of Mind, when they're like a concrete jungle where dreams are made of.

Yeah. Also in're like, what? Also in that song, somebody rode your mother just like a bus around. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Are we sure it was a mother?

Well, I don't know. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh boy. Okay, I've been talking to your answer phone, na na. Something tell me you won't want to know, na na. When I call you, you don't answer phone, two separate words. The first time it was one word, an answer phone.

Like an answer phone. An answer phone. Okay, and then the second time it was like you don't answer, parentheses, the phone. Yeah. Well, you remember that show, Pants Off, Dance Off? Do you remember Pants Off, Dance Off? Yeah, I loved it.

It was hosted by... Thanks, but not ranks. And your final phone call. I'm not sure I have a good one. A third one. Maybe I only have two. Dave Graham and almost certainly I guessed. This is John calling and overseeing from Toronto.

On my bike ride back home, I bike through this kind of bougie neighborhood and there was a woman, very bougie looking woman and she was very self-absorbed in her phone and I just watched her walk straight into her pole. The best part too is when she hit the pole, she looked up at it and she's like all angry, like somehow it was the pole's fault for being there. Yeah, it was great. Off I go. If you have ever walked into a pole

or something like that, you don't realize how fast you're actually moving. So true. Until you just hit something like you're like, I was walking slowly, but when you walk into an end to pole, no, no, no, no. Cause you can't do it on purpose either. Like anytime, like, like if you,

I don't know why you'd be trying to do this, but like if you wanted to walk straight into a, Oh sure, for a gag. Terrible surface, you're gonna slow yourself down on instate, so it's when it happens by accident, which is so rare, you're like, oh, damn. And it does feel like a betrayal. Yeah.

It's 100% your fault, but come on, man, give me a break. I'm done with stuff out here, man. But then in a little part of my brain, I'm proud too, because I'm like, oh, I'm so fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was walking so fast. It was awesome. And if you did that and someone saw you, would you be like, I hope they don't call this into a podcast.

I think that is actually worst case scenario. Yeah, cause you're just like, I hope nobody saw that. And it's like, not only did we see, we're telling the world. We're gonna broadcast it to the world through a podcast. Yeah. You know, similar to this and in defense of Jill's and so I'm backtracking.

I'm taking back everything I said about Jill's. Okay. And that it probably doesn't hurt more to get kicked in the lady nads as it does to get kicked anywhere else. I did see somebody biking down a hill and it was a girl and she was sitting on her bike seat and she went over a speed bump

that she didn't notice was there and she went. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. It really looked like it hurt. So she did the job. It makes it all the funnier. Boys, girls, and boys, girls. Boys bikes and girls bikes. Are they different?

Because one has an extra bar. It used to be, it was a diagonal bar. Yeah. Which was sort of the jill of the... Jilla bike? Yeah, the jilla bike. What do you mean a diagonal bar? No, I think our bike seats are the same No, the same thing, but there was an extra bar frame was no but the the boy bike have a extra Right bar was there like an extra bar. Oh my god. What's the bar for a bar class?

Yeah Is this not something we're gonna solve in the last minute of no Oh my god. What's the bar for? Bar class. Okay. Yeah. Is this not something we're gonna solve in the last minute of the show? No, we're not. And I'm so sorry to our listeners. We're gonna leave it on a cliffhanger. But if you do wanna write us and tell us any information about this, don't.

Yeah, don't, but like I say, I can hook you up with some hermines. Yeah. Okay, if you want any grim, just send me some hermines. We had a book of Hermans. So did we. Why did they make a book of a Canadian comic?

I don't know. They've got a book of For Better or Worse, and that was worse more often than better, I would say. Rachel. Where can people call you on your answer phone? Yeah. Okay, people can call me on my answer phone at Rachel E. Schaefer on all platforms, especially my answer phone.

And do you have, you're plugging something that's coming up or just go on those handles and see what's what? I'll be on the next season of Roast Battle Canada and I'm on an upcoming episode of an American TV show, but I almost don't want to tell you the name because I don't want to tell you what happened on it. Do you talk too long? Yeah, yeah, I mean look, you're the one that's got the hard out.

Because I think if I sell, like obviously, like if you book something and it isn't out yet, you're not supposed to talk about it because you could get sued or whatever. Yeah. And so I don't know, this might even, maybe I'm still suable, but I'm just so embarrassed that I just wanna, I wanna get ahead of it.

When it comes out, if it's weird, people know that I know that it was gonna be weird. I'm like, I'm only in one scene of this show. It's not a big deal, but I get killed by a vampire on a show. And it's like a vampire that can like kind of hypnotize you and make you like see stuff that's not there. But they weren't clear to me at what the audience was going to see. So what happens is like, I'm the, the, the vampire paralyzes me with their words and I'm standing there and then they're like, what's your biggest fear? And I'm like, spiders. And then I'm supposed to see like hundreds of spiders crawling up my

body. I get really scared, but there was nothing there on the day. And then I'm supposed to look at my hands and I see them all over my hands. But again, there's nothing there on the day. And then I'm supposed to look at my hands and I see them all over my hands, but again, there's nothing there on the day. And then she's like, and then she's like, okay, you're allowed to scream now. And then I let out this like huge scream. And in the script it says, all the spiders crawl into my mouth and start choking me.

So then I'm like screaming, there's no spiders on me. And then I start choking on the spiders that aren't there. And everybody was really nice. The crew was really nice. The director was really nice. But I think it was one of those things where it was like, I was the last scene of the day and it was three in the morning. And they were losing the location really soon. And I don't think anybody had really thought about like the logistics of like the spiders crawling into my mouth and the choking with the screaming. And I think they're like, eh, it doesn't really matter. And the director was like, okay, do it again.

But like, when you're choking, keep screaming as well. So I'm there and I'm like, and I didn't want to be a bother. So I didn't want to be like, can I ask, is there going to be CGI spiders? Like, are we going to see any spiders? So I have no idea. So it might just be a thing where it's like,

the audience knows that I can see spiders, but no one is seeing spiders. And I'm just pretending to choke. And then I, but he told me to choke and scream. So I'm like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Like a transformer. Yeah. There's just like nothing against the, like the,

the writing is fine. The directing was fine. The, everybody in the crew was great. The, my beef is with my own acting, and also, just like budget concerns, we didn't really have the time to think about the logistics of choking and screaming and the spiders, so keep an eye out for that. Yeah, a show that we can't name.

It's a Canadian show, you can't have it in America. It's an American show. Oh, it's an American, oh, fuck, do you think it was in America's Got Talent? American By the Rights of Herman. You can't have it. It's an American Joe. It's an American. Oh fuck American by the rights to Herman American Herman live-action Herman it was pants or phone answer phone you got me. Oh, yes. Yes Congratulations advancing in. Oh, thank you so much So I out for Rachel in, you know what? Just Google spider scare.

Google spider, scream. Yeah. I will be, you can see me on the next battle, season of Roast Battles battling Bonks, but not Ronks. Ronks refused. Ronks is too sensitive. He's in the back with Jule. He hasn't returned my call on my answer phone.

It shouldn't be answer phone. Answer phone. Well, thank you for being our guest. And thank you all you people out there. Like I said, off the top, doing a 24 hour standup set. Oh yeah, where can people see it? They can go to, you can see it at LMG, which is down in Gastown. It's on Water Street, unmissable.

It's next to a pizza place. I don't know the exact address, but if you go Little Mountain Gallery online, it'll tell you everything you need to know. And yeah, thanks everybody for listening to the show. And if you know where we can get in touch with somebody to explain what Rachel was talking about, that would be great. If somebody could piece it together forensically, that would be wonderful. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you back next week on another episode of Stop Podcasting

Yourself. You can talk as of yourself.